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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Midnight”

Happy Saturday, everyone! I’d like to extend a formal congratulations to every Cinder fan in the community. Criticisms of the writing aside, you all struck gold with twelve whole minutes devoted to your fave and I’m absolutely thrilled for you.

We again start with a dark screen and some audio, in this case Cinder’s scrubbing. This technique—along with closeups on eyes—is a real favorite of RWBY’s this volume, to the point where I think they’re a little too enamored with it. But at least this is just a preference, not something that actively harms the storytelling in any way, so it’s welcome to stay. This time, unlike our premiere, we stay on Cinder as her life is summed up with three events intercut with one another: scrubbing floors, getting taunted by boys, and the sound of heels making their way towards her. It’s clear that Cinder leads a poor, miserable life, if her dirty clothes and stronger guys throwing her around is any indication, but all that changes when the rich woman says “I’ll take her” and Cinder is transported to a better life in a wealthy hotel.

At least supposedly.

Here’s my problem with the worldbuilding. This moment has Witcher vibes and Witcher, in turn, built itself off of a trope seen a hundred times before: A young woman is treated terribly by her family, is whisked away by a wealthy/powerful caretaker, and though her life has arguably improved, she quickly learns that the new world she’s entered is just as dangerous and harsh as the one she left. In Witcher’s case, Yennefer is a disabled woman abused by her family, bought by Tissaia, and taken to Aretuza where the other girls hate her and the curriculum is potentially deadly. Cinder is a poor woman arguably abused by her family (scrubbing)/the locals (fights), is taken by an unnamed woman, and whisked away to the swanky hotel where the daughters hate her and the work is potentially deadly due to shock collars. The difference between these two setups is that Tissaia bought Yennefer because of her magical potential. Why does our hotel lady take Cinder?

I mean yeah, obviously she wants a slave, but it’s a little weird isn’t it? Usually when a young woman falls headfirst into a new and questionable life, there’s a solid reason for her entry. This woman—whose lack of a name also says something about the worldbuilding—could have hired anyone she pleased to abuse. As we saw in regards to Atlas and Mantle in the past, every city has its poor and downtrodden. So what made her go out to some random farm and snatch Cinder up? It just, as always, feels a little too convenient. Cinder didn’t enter this life because something about her characterization or origin justified it, the plot simply ensured that she, out of everyone possible, and with very little reason, was the one chosen to follow The Plot™ .

It also messes with the Cinderella parallels. Originally (or “originally,” going off of Disney here which is likely what RWBY is using as a template too) it’s her step-family that abuses her and yes, we recreate that via the hiring (“hiring”—I doubt she was paid), but Cinder was already scrubbing floors back home. Her status as the servant already existed. So why change locations? Why not just keep Cinder as an abused farm girl, or have her a part of the hotel family right from the start? Part of the reason why Cinderella resonates is because of the contrast between the happy life with her father and the new, horrific life she falls into once he dies. Which is then further contrasted by the rest of the outside world. Fairy Godmother, Prince, and party-goers alike are all presented as kind, decent people. They represent the “real” world that Cinderella can escape to. By making Cinder’s original life horrible, her new life worse, and everyone connected with that life cruel and/or indifferent (with the exception of this one, special huntsmen)… you paint a very different picture of the world as a whole. Which is something RWBY has been vocal about trying to accomplish—it’s not a fairy tale—the only problem is with how these moments are undermined the second the story wants Ruby to ~Believe in People~. Cinderella is a story about enduring and eventually overcoming temporary hardship. Cinder’s story is about endless hardship that creates villains. A dark and fascinating story… but how does that fit into last week’s episode where Ruby told the whole world about Salem, expecting them to band together in peace and harmony? This is how Remnant’s world treats people when there’s not a global crisis, and Cinder isn’t even a faunus.

Which, I want to make clear going into the rest of this recap, does not excuse Cinder for her actions. At all. I think there are some complicated acknowledgements to be made in terms of her abuse and the Huntsmen’s responsibility in it continuing, but that does not give Cinder a blanket pass for all the horrific shit she has pulled over the years. Cinder didn’t just defend herself from abusers, she became one. More on that in a minute.

First though… is the Huntsmen’s name Rhodes? Did we hear that in the episode? If we did, I totally missed it because I have a note here about the one important character not getting a name. So yeah, idk. If we got this from more supplemental info, bad RWBY. If I missed it, bad Clyde. Either way, I’ll use that name going forward.

Back to the plot at hand. The hotel is, as said, populated by indifferent and shallow people and there’s no desert nearby, so I presume we’re supposed to be in Atlas? (Why did this woman buy a girl from another Kingdom?) There are customers getting drunk, flirting, and generally just enjoying their wealth, which harkens back to Weiss’ comment in Volume 4 about all their problems being superficial. We’re introduced to the owner’s two daughters who are, as expected, quintessential Mean Girls.

They love ordering Cinder around, not just with hotel chores, but personal ones as well like, “rub my feet”… despite the fact that this place is massive and must have an equally massive staff to stay in business. Why aren’t the girls terrorizing anyone else? Again, it makes sense for Cinder(ella) to be the focus of their abuse when she’s in a single household, but transplanting that to a hotel raises a lot of questions that RWBY hasn’t bothered to examine. You can’t move a story like that and not think about what further changes that would evoke.

See, RWBY could have done something interesting here by considering some of those other changes. Like having one or both step-sisters be the one to help free Cinder from her abuse, playing the villain before becoming the fairy godmother. Up until she turns villain instead of hero, this is just Cinderella’s story copy and pasted into RWBY. It’s moments like this that should make us wary of using fairy tale allusions as evidence for our readings and theories. Whether RWBY is deconstructing or upholding a story varies wildly, and we never know what we’ll get until we actually see it on screen. Even then we can’t count on a choice remaining consistent, as we saw with Ironwood’s deconstruction being tossed out the window in Volume 7.

Cinder is originally just as meek as her fairy tale counterpart too. We don’t hear her speak until the owner is about to leave when she simply goes, “Food?” The sisters laugh at her and a roll is thrown to the floor with the comment that she should get busy because it “looks filthy.” I quite like that moment. Your job is to ensure the floors are clean enough to eat off of—literally.

We see a montage of Cinder doing just that, lots of chores, with a new song listing all the tasks she’s now responsible for. During this, Rhodes is seen in the background and witnesses when Cinder (presumably) first uses her semblance by heating up the brush and chucking it at the sisters, creating a massive cloud of steam.

It’s that moment which “earns” her a shock session with her necklace and I’m staring at the screen, a little open-mouthed. I mean, that’s the second child torture we’ve seen this volume (with Cinder being ten here). Again, I’m not making a specific accusation, just going, “Really?”

Also, note the anti-faunus sign. Nothing like continually showing us racist establishments rather than actually writing a story that deals with the racism needless put into the story world. I’d like to remind everyone of my previous comments this Volume about how the story works hard to paint Mantle as sympathetic, but refuses to show anything that does the same for Atlas citizens, people who are in just as much danger with Salem as an equalizer. A whole city is not actually made up of shallow racists, the show is just showing us only those people to create a simplistic “They’re all bad” reading that encourages us to reject Atlas and, by extension, Ironwood. Weiss is walking proof that Atlas citizens are both complex individuals and capable of bettering themselves. If we can come to adore the Schnee heiress, we should be questioning why nearly every other citizen is painted as an abuser, too wealthy to care, or has conveniently left the story (Rhodes dead, Klein gone, Whitley rejected, etc.).

As Cinder is being tortured, we see that she’s forced to say, “Without you, I am nothing.” Now see, this is excellent... in theory. This is the kind of line we needed to hear with some consistency over the last seven years (if RWBY still insisted on waiting that long for a backstory), setting up that this line is clearly engrained in Cinder and she repeats it on instinct. Instead—to my recollection, anyway—we only get it this Volume, in two episodes. If it appeared before then it wasn’t notable enough to remember. I commented on this before, but it wasn’t a, “Ah, this line must be important” reaction, it was a “Lol why is RWBY using the same line twice? That’s weird.” By only giving it to us twice before the backstory and in such a short timeframe, the impact of this reveal is lost. We’re only now realizing that the line is important, rather than coming to realize why.

Our writers know just enough to recognize what techniques work, but not enough to have figured out what makes them tick. They get that providing a RWBY-vised version of Cinderella is cool, but not how to adapt that 100% successfully. They know that repeated lines have power, but not how to create good setup for the reveal. They know the camera should use closeups, but not what moments are important enough to warrant that. RWBY, eight years on, still feels like a newbie writer copying what the great stories are doing without yet understanding why those aspects work and, thus, how to recreate them.

I mean, Cinder’s backstory appearing now attests to that most obviously. I waved at the Cinder fans before, but the reality is that most viewers don’t care, either because Cinder herself is so bland, and/or because the story waited too long to make her a little more interesting. This entire flashback was handled badly simply by virtue of it arriving over seven years past the character’s introduction.

So after this torture session Cinder steals Rhode’s sword. We hear some dialogue in the background of him getting pissed that it’s missing and the sisters promising to find it, implying that Cinder will have this tool at her disposal for a while. Instead, seconds later he’s found her hideout and confronts her. I don’t know if I’m impressed with Rhode’s skills, or rolling my eyes at how contrived this all is. Chuck in the question of whether Cinder was talented enough to steal the sword out from under him, or if Rhodes was stupid enough to leave it lying around, and I’m edging towards the eye rolling.

He dodges Cinder’s attack, rolls her more weapons to prove he’s not here to hurt her, and acknowledges that she’s not getting “the most fair treatment.” Okay, here’s where things start to get complicated. Rhodes tells Cinder she shouldn’t run away because then she’ll be running her whole life (don’t really agree with that). He likewise (rightly imo) tells her not to straight up murder them because look, no matter how much of a shit stain someone is, I can’t condone slamming a sword through their chest on an individual’s say-so (especially when two of those people are also kids growing up under an abuser, like Whitely). So what’s left? Rhodes says Cinder can train to become a huntress. At ten years old, she has seven years to prepare for the exam.

But she has to stay with her abusive family until then.

My problem is far less with the claim that this “has” to happen and far more with the writing’s failure to tell us why. Cinder could have begged to come with Rhodes and he says she can’t because… idk. Make up a reason. He doesn’t make enough to feed the both of them. It would be too dangerous out on missions without training and he doesn’t have a permanent place to stay (hence using the hotel all the time). He could even go the “They’re your legal guardians” route with more explanation because it’s arguable that Rhodes had no idea about the collar. Doesn’t mean Cinder’s treatment isn’t “that bad” in his eyes, just that he might not have known the extent and thus thought it was preferable for Cinder to put up with “just” being insulted and overworked until she’s 17. That this life that he only has a partial picture of is preferable to the life she’d have at his side. Something to explain the stakes here, the risks, and why he took this stance.

And/or give us a reason why Cinder doesn’t try to run, a suggestion I make very cautiously because it’s not my intention to put the responsibility solely on her. This isn’t meant to be a “Just save yourself! It’s easy!” claim. Rather, it’s an acknowledgement that young, barely trained kids go out into the world all the time in this show—Ruby, Oscar—and it’s an acknowledgement that Cinder tugged off her collar easy-peasy. The point is, practically speaking, Cinder could have left and braved the streets like Emerald did… so give us a reason why she decided to stay. Maybe she’s scared of living on the streets, acknowledging that a little food and a place to sleep is better than nothing. Maybe she’s scared that if she doesn’t have a direct connection to the hotel (convenience), Rhodes won’t train her anymore. Maybe, as an abuse victim, she can’t articulate why she won’t leave, she just can’t. Something to acknowledge these gaps because, right now, we just have the fandom going, “See? This is why the huntsmen are all evil cops. Rhodes took the lawful route and look where it got Cinder! He’s the responsible adult in this situation, so it’s all his fault.” Problem is, this take ignores:

The fact that our heroes are also huntsmen and were pretending to be huntsmen before they had those lawful licenses. So what does that make them? We can’t continually criticize these professional roles without criticizing our heroes’ use of them as well. Ruby just ensured the world would take her message seriously by introducing herself as a huntress. We can’t condemn these laws and privileges while likewise letting Ruby continue to use them however she please. It’s okay if she’s a part of the system, because Ruby is inherently good! That’s not how this works. I’ve just described every American cop show that tumblr is currently turning against: The system is corrupt and needs to be overhauled, but our protagonists are different.

The story fails to tell us why Rhodes won’t do more outside of a single line about Cinder being of legal age. That just acknowledges that age has some bearing on his decision, not whether it outweighs other considerations (can Cinder survive if she leaves?), or whether Rhodes even has a full picture of what’s happening to her (the collar). The takeaway is that we don’t know what his though process was because RWBY didn’t show it to us, not that his thought process is automatically awful.

Rhodes, as a literal stranger entering her life, is not 100% responsible for what happens to Cinder. I know people don’t want to acknowledge that because leaving a child in that situation is absolutely horrific, but if RWBY wants to be ~realistic~ (and it does) then we need to acknowledge that reality too. If you saw a child employee getting yelled at in a hotel and then found her with your sword, would you rip the collar off her neck and be like, “Congratulations, you’re my child now”? Nice as that trope is, probably not! Or hell, maybe a lot of you would upend your life and risk legal action to whisk them away, but a lot of other people wouldn’t... and they're not the devil for doing what they can within the bounds of the law. The idea that because Rhodes unexpectedly had one (1) encounter with Cinder means he’s now responsible for her life and outcome is, well, crazy. “But, Clyde, you can’t just see that kind of horror and not do something about it.” You’re right. You know what you do? Tell the authorities. But does Remnant have the equivalent of social workers? We don’t know! Which means we can’t assume that Rhodes didn’t call them just because he’s a bad person. Or maybe they exist and the fandom considers them too corrupt to be useful, like so many other authorities in this show. So… what else is there for him to do? There doesn’t seem to be anyone above Rhodes that he can turn to, he doesn’t (for whatever reason) want to essentially kidnap Cinder and start a new life with her, so what’s left? Try to give Cinder a healthy relationship and a way to escape in the long run, which is precisely what Rhodes did.

Honestly, I’m kind of salty that this guy went out of his way to help her, he saw what everyone else saw and was the only one who would help her, but because he didn’t do more—because he didn’t entirely upend his life and/or risk arrest to take her away to this hypothetically better situation—the fandom is acting like it’s his fault Cinder killed her abusers. It’s not. Cinder made that choice.

At the end of the day, blaming Rhodes reveals the expectation that it’s his responsibility to solve this massive problem purely because he had the bad luck to be the one Cinder stole from. That’s like telling a teacher who learns about abuse from a paper that following the lawful channels and going out of his way to assist the child in other ways is responsible when the kid murders their family one day. “Why didn’t you just barge into the house and take the kid?!” Because there are a hundred reasons why that would go incredibly badly? Rhodes can’t help Cinder if he’s in jail. Rhodes can’t help Cinder if she ends up dead on a mission while following him. Rhodes can’t help Cinder if their attempt at escape fails and she bears the punishment.

The only thing I think Rhodes did absolutely wrong was giving Cinder the sword while she was still under the owner’s thumb. Stupid, but not cruel. And again, stupid does not equal blanket responsibility. I’m likewise seeing, “Rhodes gave her the sword and thus it’s his fault that Cinder got in trouble. It’s his fault they died. What was Cinder supposed to do, not defend herself?” Are people forgetting that Cinder stole the sword herself in the beginning and then readily accepted it again? She had agency in obtaining weaponry and what she wanted it for. Are people forgetting that, in accepting it, she likewise accepted the risk of keeping it hidden in the hotel? Are people forgetting that the time skip shows this happening years later and that Rhodes clearly thought Cinder was past her murderous streak? Are people forgetting that Cinder killed the owner by snapping her neck and resisting the shock collar, no sword required? She could have killed them any time she pleased based on the crime scene, whether Rhodes had given her a weapon or not. The weapon was just the catalyst that, truthfully, could have been caused by anything else. Cinder snaps when they find the sword and she’s tortured. Cinder snaps when she drops another tray and she’s tortured. She had planned to kill her abusers and never completely let go of that.

Honestly, I’m just annoyed that we have another good hearted, takes action, does his best and makes some mistakes character getting blamed for everything another character chose to do, erasing their agency in the process. Rhodes did not abuse Cinder. Rhodes did not force her to kill her actual abusers. And Rhodes is certainly not responsible for what Cinder later becomes. Could Rhodes have done more? Of course, but every character could always do more.

The tl;dr is that this complex situation needed far better setup in the show and the fandom needs to stop using that lack of setup as “proof” that characters are horrible people when they fail to magically fix said complicated, badly explained problems. Cinder chose to murder three people. Whether that was justified in the face of her abuse is up to you to decide, but it was still her choice. Please stop blaming the adult male characters for the choices the teenage girls in this show make. RWBY is too convoluted and attempting to tackle too many complex issues to reduce that to, “Every man here is the evil, responsible party and ever girl is a #queen. Even when they go on to murder Pyrrha ^_^” As a woman who would very much like to be rooting for the mostly-woman cast more than I now do, this isn’t the feminist take people want it to be.

But I’ve jumped waaaay ahead. Let’s backtrack a bit.

That first interaction between Rhodes and Cinder is super weird because the camera keeps covering Rhodes’ face and I don’t know why.

We segue into that montage of him training her for presumably years (Cinder’s hair changes) until we see him giving her the sword in what’s meant to be a moment of pride and trust. Soon after, Rhodes (randomly) comes back to the hotel when everyone else is asleep and hears noises in the back. Moving to check them out, he discovers that Cinder has murdered the two sisters and is in the process of murdering the owner, throwing back the line, “Without you, I am nothing, but because of you, I am everything.” Again, much more impactful if this had been a line we’ve associated with Cinder for years now, not a couple of episodes.

After she breaks the owner’s neck (damn, strong hand!) she tells Rhodes she doesn’t have to run anymore. Cinder clearly expects him to be happy for her and is shocked when he takes out his weapons.

I’m sorry, this is not a “betrayal.” Could Rhodes have just let Cinder go? Sure. Should he have? Given what she becomes, that’s very debatable! Rhodes clearly thought he’d helped her grow into someone who was not inclined towards murder (giving her the sword) and thus is probably going to be a little rattled when he walks in to find her killing three people. Again, there are obvious differences given the level of abuse Cinder seems to have suffered in comparison, but imagine that Glynda, after teaching Weiss for years, walked in on her killing Jacques and Whitley in revenge. Is she supposed to just ignore that? Shrug her shoulders and wish her well? I know a lot of people consider that the “fair” outcome given the inclusion of abuse, but that’s because we’ve had an omniscient view of Cinder’s history and insight into her emotional state. Rhodes doesn’t have that. All he has is his oath as a huntsmen to prevent things like, you know, murder sprees. I’m not going to delve into the overall ethics of a judicial system, either in RWBY or the real world, and thus I’m not going to make any naive claims about it being fair—it’s fucking not—but I don’t think the answer to these systematic problems is, “Why wouldn’t you just let the teenager murder three bad people and then go on her way? She totally deserved it!” Rhodes is not in a position to decide that, which is the entire point of having a judicial system in the first place.

So Rhodes wants to bring Cinder in. Kind of like how Clover wanted to bring Qrow in once he had an arrest warrant. I can’t emphasize enough that wanting to start a legal process rather than letting clearly guilty/potentially guilty people go because they WANT to is not a “betrayal.” Regardless of what teen dramas may have taught us, you don’t have to potentially throw your own freedom and your morals away because you found out a friend is wanted by the authorities. Or you walk in on them currently snapping someone’s neck. There are options other than, “Believe your friend is right without question and help them hide the bodies” (looking at you, Maria, Pietro). Whitely is not insane for going, “Hey, can you not make me an accomplice to a crime by forcing your way in here with a bunch of fugitives?” I’m constantly surprised by the number of fans who can, in one breath, condemn characters for not throwing a middle finger up at the law and in the next praise Jacques’ arrest. Do we want to benefit from this system or not? If yes, that means you have to weigh which laws can be broken (such as in a protest), which should be obeyed (bring murderers and wanted men in), all while working to change the laws that are prejudice and aren’t working.

Anyway, they fight. It’s short and sweet, backdropped by the large clock striking midnight, hence our title. I’m incredibly suspicious of Cinder breaking Rhode’s aura first, given that she’s still the student in training, but here we can more persuasively say he wasn’t fighting seriously, given that he then stupidly rushes towards her without a weapon. Still, that would be the second time now that RWBY has relied on elite fighters “holding back” to explain how the kids in training beat them, the first instance, of course, being with the Ace Ops.

Rhodes does rush Cinder though when she hits the wall and breaks her own aura, clearly concerned. She uses the moment to stab him with both swords. He uses his last breaths to put a hand on her head, conveying that he doesn’t blame her for how this all turned out.

Then Cinder pulls off her collar with a single snap and looks up at the broken moon, crying her single tear.

I’m dragging the flashback for multiple reasons, but I want to emphasize that I think this episode is leagues better from what we got last week. Absolute night and day. It’s just that, as always, improvements are incredibly comparative in RWBY. It’s not really good for numerous reasons… it’s just better than what we’ve gotten before. It’s “great” provided you go in with standards buried in the ground.

We then return to the present as Cinder wakes up in Salem’s whale. This scene gives us a great shot of her grimm arm, so cosplayers take note!

Emerald arrives soon after and immediately rushes to her side, expressing how worried she was. She grabs Cinder’s grimm hand without hesitation. Honestly, I don’t care much about either character… but this single frame activated some sort of ship button in my brain.

Not fully because I’m personally not drawn to toxic relationships in fiction (which, as I’m about to explain, would absolutely be the case here), but just the tinniest bit. Because I’m a sucker for monstrous people being loved despite their monstrous nature, so having Emerald take that hand over the other is like a ship speed run for me.

I’m predictable, folks.

But we need to talk about less happy things for a moment. I mentioned above Cinder becoming an abuser herself. I hope I don’t need to lay out the laundry list of murders, attempted murders, sabotage, and general taking-over-the-world-ness she’s engaged in since Episode One. Don’t let a sad backstory erase all that. Hell, for all we know the hotel owner had a horrific backstory too! Doesn’t justify how she treated Cinder. The point though is beyond her clear status as a villain, we now know that Cinder treats Emerald just like the owner once treated her.

Cinder was “rescued” from her life on the farm by the owner. Emerald is “rescued” from her life on the streets by Cinder.

Both realize over time that the situation they’re now in is actually worse.

Both reiterate that they “owe” the other “everything,” with Cinder having that shocked into her and Emerald seeming to willingly believe it.

The owner treats Cinder as a slave. Cinder treats Emerald as a slave. “Both of you, get out. I’ll let you know when you’re needed.” The only difference is that Cinder’s orders were things like “Scrub floors” and Emerald’s are “Convince an audience this girl attacked our ally.”

Both use threats to keep the other in line: the owner with her shock collar and Cinder with her Maiden powers. Cinder doesn’t need to resort to violence (yet) because Emerald adores her, but the threat is always there.

There are even visual similarities this episode, such as kneeling and gem necklaces, though I acknowledge fully that those are just interesting details as opposed to anything like persuasive proof.

The point is that Cinder became exactly what she hated, she just turned the dial up to eleven by going after the whole world instead of a single child. “But Cinder never had a chance to be anything else.” Sure she did. Blake and Weiss are proof of that. Even if we believe that Cinder was doomed to be a villain due to the extent of her abuse, what does that say about the hotel’s owner? We don’t know anything about her history, so what if she was abused too? Does that mean she was always “doomed” to treat Cinder that way? Does that excuse everything she did to her because she supposedly never stood a chance of becoming anything else? Of course not.

Though very iffily done, this is a commentary on the cycle of abuse. Each case is horrific, but it doesn’t excuse what comes later. Every abuser was once an innocent child and every innocent child has the capability of becoming the next abuser. Cinder’s life up until now was beyond awful and yes, she lacked a lot of privileges that others had to help them head down a better path, like Weiss’ wealth. On the other hand, she lacks other difficulties that would make that path harder for others, like Blake’s status as a faunus. Everyone has a choice to make: Will you treat others the way you were treated because that’s “fair,” or will you decide to treat others better than what you were dealt? There are lots of aspects that factor into the likelihood of someone choosing the latter—which is why I really like Rhode’s hand on Cinder’s head, acknowledging his understanding that she’s an abused kid taking the only path she thinks is available to her—but individual agency is by no means removed from the equation. Cinder escaped her situation and decided she’d never be powerless again. What does that mean to her, perhaps becoming a community member who works to prevent abuse like the kind she suffered? No, it means grinding the entire world under her heel until she’s the only one with power left.

This GIF continues to be the only one I need.

(No, the fact that it comes from a cop show and I’m using it for such an anti-law, anti-establishment story/fandom isn’t lost on me.)

(Also, if anyone is curious, this is why I love Ozpin. Out of everyone in this cast, HE has suffered the most, tenfold, and yet he still chooses to be kinder to those than they’ve been to him.)

Anyway, I should really stick to the plot lol. Cinder realizes that her waking up means that they’ve lost, which I still think is BS. Cinder needed a win to come across as a formidable villain again and the likes of Neo, Emerald, and a Maiden with years of practice under her belt should have wiped the floor with a scientist, retirement grandma, and a girl who got the powers an hour ago. But I again digress.

Mercury reveals that he will no longer be following Cinder’s orders because Salem has a special job for him. They’ve all been told to meet on the bridge.

Then we cut to Ozpin and Oscar.

My poor boy is a mess and Ozpin is in the process of begging Oscar to take a “break.” “I would like to express again that this is my burden to bear, not yours.” Take note, fandom. In a few moments Hazel will accuse Ozpin of being a “coward” because “All this time, it could have been you, but you let him suffer.” I just know a bunch of people will be going, “Yeah! Ozpin just let a kid get tortured instead of him. WTF??” Okay 1. We should always be suspicious of agreeing with the takes villains have and 2. Oscar just refused to let Ozpin do that. It is—again—his choice because he thinks that Hazel is “holding back” with him. Oscar is being a brave and logical dude trying to make the best of this situation for both of them. Don’t take that away from him just to make Ozpin look bad. What would we even want him to do? Take control back? The fandom has been yelling at Ozpin for that since Volume 5.

So they’re going back and forth when Oscar suddenly announces that they “can’t leave yet. This is our chance.”

Ozpin even says he thinks Oscar must have taken one too many hits because… yeah. What? Long story short, Oscar recognizes that they’ll never be this close to Salem’s subordinates again and that they should try to undermine her from the inside out, just like she’s done with the world since she knows she can’t take on everyone at once. I love Oscar taking charge here, I love them speaking in unison, I even love the hope of achieving something epic while in captivity despite my own belief that Oscar should break and reveal the Lamp’s password. What I don’t love is:

Another messy, unexpected belief that Salem made her choices because she “knows” she can’t win any other way. Except that—like Ruby’s line in the recording—Salem’s current attack blows that idea out of the water. She IS taking on the whole world. Granted, Ozpin and Oscar presumably don’t know that the whole world literally knows of her existence now, or that Salem was smiling about it, but they do know that she’s attacking Atlas head on. What else is that except a declaration of war with all of Remnant?

The idea of undermining Salem from the inside via Hazel. For anyone who reads my other metas, I just said that this idea wouldn’t work because Emerald isn’t the one torturing him, the one character who has consistently demonstrated hesitation (or, now, Neo). Hazel despises Ozpin so much that he would never listen to him. He despises him so much he doesn’t even see Oscar as his own person… at least he didn’t before. That’s been retconned now with Hazel going “easy” Oscar and having an actual conversation with Ozpin. Whereas before, he was slamming Oscar into walls and screaming about how he’s going to kill the “murderer” of his sister. They basically softened his character to make this plan possible.

The fact that this scene came about without Oscar and Ozpin ever getting to reconcile their problems. Last we saw them, Oscar was saying how he hated that Ozpin came back and refusing to acknowledge their merge. Now, they’re working together like they’ve always been solid allies. I get that the danger they’re in helps to put it all into perspective, but why can’t we get a few lines of them hashing this out? Or at least putting things aside until they’re out of Salem’s clutches? If you don’t need to re-write Hazel’s character with “he’s going easy on me” lines, you can use that space to deal with the conflict we’ve already established. Especially given the strange choice to have Oscar refuse to give up control and be the one coming up with this plan... but then Ozpin does take control and (maybe, see below) enacts it? I feel like we’ve missed huge chunks of this story. As it is, I wonder if RWBY will bother coming back to this. The questions of if/how Oscar will accept Ozpin and if/how he’ll reveal this secret to the group feels like they’re being swept under the rug and it will likely go unnoticed by a lot of viewers simply due to how intense the kidnapping plot is.

So things are a little messy, but otherwise enjoyable, and they’re about to get downright confusing. For me, anyway. See, Hazel reveals that he follows Salem because she can’t be beaten (cue my continued worry about Ruby telling the whole WORLD). She “can’t be stopped. She’s a force of nature,” and Ozpin is fighting a “cause with no victory, no end.” He yells back that “Someone has to try!”—bless this man—and then looks down at the ground going, “Salem can be fought. Unless… she brings the Relics together, if that happens…” and mentions summoning the Gods.

So here’s my confusion. The scene makes it feel like Ozpin is planting some sort of seed in Hazel’s head. He and Oscar JUST got done agreeing to try and undermine her from the inside out, then we get this line that feels like him “accidentally” dropping a secret that will turn Hazel against her. Except… Ozpin doesn’t lie here? The line isn’t useful to them as far as I can tell. They are screwed if Salem gets the Relics. …Right? Because if not, why the hell have the heroes been working so hard to keep them out of her hands? So I can’t decide if:

A) This scene is just written badly and none of this is part of the plan to undermine Salem.

B) Ozpin is going, “NO. Don’t collect the RELICS. That would be the WORST THING EVER /s” in an attempt to trick Hazel into doing it anyway and this is somehow supposed to hurt Salem, despite being presented since Volume 5 as the worst outcome for our heroes?

C) Ozpin specifically wants Salem to make the mistake of summoning the Gods because he thinks he’s completed his task? Or something? But what in the world would make him think that—especially without seeing Ruby’s message (not to mention the lack of unity that mess should cause)—or what makes him think the Gods would just destroy Salem regardless of what he’s achieved? If summoning the Gods was ever a defeat Salem option, why hasn’t he done it before?

I’m leaning towards A just because it makes the most sense by far, but that would also mean we had Ozpin and Oscar decide on this plan, have a chance to start this plan… and then didn’t actually do anything. Yelling at Hazel for following Salem isn’t a new strategy, they were doing that before, so what’s new? Or has the new strategy not been revealed yet? Idk, as happy as I am to see them being BAMF together, I’m slightly unsure about how it all hangs together. I’d much rather have an internally consistent and clear outcome that’s predictable (Oscar breaks or just holds out until rescue) rather than what appears like a super cool, badass, unexpected plot on the surface… but crumbles once you poke at the foundation a bit.

So whether Oscar and Ozpin started this plan or not, they’re dragged into the throne room where they’re forced to kneel before Salem. Yikes. She sits on her throne with the Hound, who I’m only now realizing could be read as a messed up Toto

We learn that Tyrian heard from Watts about his incarceration and hacking Penny. What? Okay, I took the time to go back through “Amity” just to find this screenshot.

That’s not a working Scroll! Idk what I thought Watts might do with it at the end of last week, but it wasn’t send a full, uninterrupted message to Salem that updates her on everything that’s gone down in Atlas. This thing is toast! Moments like this make me question how much communication there really is between the writers and the animators, despite last Volume’s disaster with Oscar telegraphing his punch like whoa. Are we still getting that level of miscommunication?

Salem then punishes Cinder for disobeying her by hurting her grimm arm. See, this here (for me, anyway) is the mark of a newbie writer. When the moment first started I went, “Oh nice. Just like the shock collar!” Then the scene made that abundantly clear by cutting to flashbacks of Cinder in her collar. That’s too heavy-handed. We already got the parallel, but then the show went, “Do you get it??” It shows that the writers are too scared that the viewers won’t get it, that their nuance will be lost, so they scramble to make it as obvious as possible, rather than trusting in their own writing.

And if you’re like, “So you want RWBY to be more clear and also… less clear?” the answer is, sadly, yes lol. The things that are already confusing due to retconning and inconsistent themes need to be made explicit, whereas the details that are already strong don’t need an in-your-face, “Okay, but did you really get the parallel here? We’re just making sure.” It’s like launching into explaining why a joke is funny when it’s already landed vs. telling a nonsensical joke and then waiting for the laugh that will never come. RWBY struggles in both areas.

Salem delves into this speech about how this is actually all her fault and she should let Cinder spread her wings or something. AKA, go free Watts and track down Penny. Then you can have your precious Maiden powers.

There’s a massive earthquake across Mantle and we watch a + medical symbol go out. Again, heavy-handed. We don’t need that in order to understand that the whole city shaking while the grimm look happily up to the sky is a bad thing.

We cut to Winter listening to the Ace Ops complain about Penny. She tells them to act like the elite they are, likely because she hates how they refer to Penny as “junk.” Still being set up to betray Ironwood, I bet. During this scene we learn that they have “confirmed visual of her leaving Amity. She appeared to be malfunctioning.” So Penny is alive? Also, they have eyes on Amity Tower and were able to see Penny leaving, but didn’t see any of our trio coming to launch it in the first place? Did Ironwood want it to launch? Did they see Cinder? I just don’t know.

Before they can get there though a message from Jaune comes through. Serious kudos to Team JNY for asking that “anyone” respond/taking the personal risk of calling for help in the first place. They’re finally putting—as Harriet says—they’re own selfishness aside in favor of the greater good. Yang obviously hates that it’s “you guys” they ended up with, but she’s not outright attacking the Ace Ops or anything. I’m like,

Excellent job, Yang.

Jaune is a little harsh in his panic. He said in his message that a “large mass of grimm” is heading towards Mantle and then when Harriet leads with asking about Penny, wants to know what’s wrong with her. Why are you asking about Penny when lives are in danger and “it’s” (the grimm) are “right there”? Except he, uh… points at nothing. There’s the chasm with (I presume) the weird grimm goo down it? Not sure based on the shot, but the Ace Ops expected a “mass of grimm” and then land to see no grimm anywhere nearby. So yeah, they’re more focused on the missing Maiden than the seemingly imaginary enemy Jaune is freaking out about.

They only get on board when the river launches itself at Atlas.

So the goo is, like, sentient before it becomes individual grimm? Or Salem is controlling it from her whale? Either way it’s BAD.

I want to briefly gripe about how the hell everyone is watching this. What, is there a camera conveniently trained on this one random part of Atlas’ underside and everyone’s scrolls tuned into that the second the attack started? It seems far-fetched, to put it mildly. In RWBY’s favor though, I want to acknowledge that we finally have appropriate expressions for the situation! This is good!!

I’m going to level with you all. My notifications have known no peace since I made the mistake of criticizing the adored trio that is Ruby, Weiss, and Blake. I thought supporting Ironwood would get me heat. Nope. Not supporting the main girls is what did it and honestly? I shouldn’t have been surprised. Last week I pointed out that having them smile and, in Ruby’s case, coo during a moment of horror is not good animation and implies some pretty uncomfortable things about their overall sympathy level. The image in question:

It doesn’t set a good tone, especially when we add in what we’ve gotten for Ruby’s group across the rest of this volume. The counters of, “They need and deserve a break. Why won’t you let them be happy?” fall flat when we ignore that this group has been animated as consistently goofing off post-premiere. Sneaking into the guarded military base of a former friend? Tube shenanigans! Need to find your way around? Funny Penny moment! Semblance reveal? Cutesy chibi explanation! Need to do more sneaking? Silly coffee plan! Nora gets electrocuted? Joke about how awesome that was! Even Wiess telling Whitley to go to his room reads as funny to the audience.

Ruby in particular has been a problem, given that she’s our main character and the others’ leader. We take our emotional cues primarily from her. Alongside being a part of all these fun and games, her animation during more serious moments has been less than stellar. This is Penny when Nora goes down.

This is Ruby, Weiss, and Blake. No worry, just focused on the fight.

This is Penny when the fight is over.

This is Ruby, Weiss, and Blake. No worry, just chatting about suspicious activity.

This is Penny in the airship, worrying about Nora and the situation they’re in. This is also Ruby in the airship, apparently not worried at all.

This is Ruby when she learns her uncle is in jail. Is there shock? Fear? Horror that he might be in serious trouble? No, she just maintains the same emotion she had before: fury at Harriet.

So when we reach them watching the recording and they look like this:

No, I’m not convinced that this trio is taking the situation seriously, or that they really care about the people involved. I know they’re supposed to care, they all obviously care from a meta perspective, but the “obviousness” of that only exists in our personal understanding of the characters if we don’t see it on screen. I completely believe that Penny is worried about Nora because she’s animated expressing that worry. I completely believe that JRY are in the middle of a warzone because they’re (mostly) animated as fearful and angry. The rest of Ruby’s team has a scared line from Blake and Weiss holding Nora’s hand, whereas the majority of the emotion across this adventure has been indifference or playfulness. That’s a problem given how horrible the events of this Volume have been, most of which the group is aware of.

All of which is an incredibly long-winded way of saying that this

finally feels appropriate. Well done, RWBY.

Alright, this recap is already over 7k long so I want to return to our plot with the summarized: IRONWOOD WAS RIGHT. He said they couldn’t withstand a head on attack by Salem and he was right. It literally took seconds for her grimm to burrow into Atlas, knock out a tower, and disable the shield. Everyone still claiming that leaving is useless because it’s oh so obvious Salem’s grimm could fly however high it wants (when did we learn that?) are ignoring that leaving was at least a plan with some kind of hope attached to it. And, given her focus on the Staff, may have saved Mantle by drawing Salem’s attention away from the city. The point is we don’t know. All we do know is that Ironwood tried to do something in the face of hopeless odds, Ruby’s team stopped him, and now look, everything is awful. No one could have possibly seen that coming.

Salem: “It’s time.”

I’m very pleased that Salem is finally using the tools at her disposal. Upon reflection, I still don’t buy why she had to wait. “Well, she was waiting for the grimm goo.” She couldn’t have used flying grimm to take out the tower? Take a burrowing grimm and give it wings? She couldn’t have used the goo that was apparently inside her whale the whole time?

It’s all very convenient. In the sense that we’re drawing out the volume by having the villain inexplicably hang back, despite not having a good reason to. In the sense that—unless Ruby’s message comes back to bite her—the villain’s passivity also conveniently let the heroes accomplish the one goal they were desperate to achieve. All of that’s still not good, but at least the Volume seems to be moving out of the “not good” category and into the “slightly better” territory.

Although, as I just acknowledged to a friend, RWBY seems to alternate for me. Every time I have an episode where I think, “Okay, there are still massive problems here, but I can see a glimmer of hope” the next episode is inevitably the pits.

Still, grabbing onto that hope with both hands: Atlas should be decimated, folks! Grimm are swarming, our idiot heroes herded everyone directly under the city, the world should be panicking, and the cold should still be killing people if the story remembers that it exists. At this point my only question is wtf our heroes are supposed to do next, but regardless of what the plot gives us, it’s going to be wild. You all know what’s coming. Next week is our final episode before a two month hiatus, which means we’re going to witness all kinds of awful and then end on a six week cliffhanger. It’s inevitable, so best to emotionally prep for that now lol.

I don’t believe we have any Bingo updates, with the exception of edging towards a few: “Winter betrays Ironwood,” “Army of grimm conveniently doesn’t kill any civilians,” “Atlas somehow survives,” and “Ironwood dies” being the most notable. We’ll have to see what, if anything, gets checked off next Saturday.

As always, thank you so much for reading (I feel like I don’t say that enough :D) and I’ll see you next week! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby recaps #rwby midnight #mymetas

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yurimother · 6 years ago

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Top Yuri Anime Poll Results

Whether it is subtext or explicit, cute or sexy, school love or gay action thrillers I love yuri anime. These series either focus on or contain elements of female same-sex relationships. Pride month is the perfect time to look back and reflect on the best of this genre. I teamed up with OG Man of The Yuri Nation (yurination[dot] wordpress[dot] com/) and together we put out a poll asking what you thought the top yuri anime series were and over 1000 of you responded submitting almost 5000 different entries. We spent hours combing through the data, analyzing and commenting on the results and we would like to share our thoughts with all of you. Enjoy the reflections of me the yuri critic and OG the dedicated yuri fan!

These are the Top 20 Yuri Anime as voted by you

1. Bloom Into You - 692 Votes

OG: Be it East or West the YagaKimi took the world by storm. Citrus and BiY once again taking the top two spots remains unsurprising.There is something undeniably fascinating about our leading ladies consisting of an asexual slowly coming to love her senpai back but restraining herself for various reasons. The biggest one being said senpai having a deep case of self-loathing and a fear of romantic reciprocation, also for various reasons. She is like “I love you but please do not love me back”. Then there is one of the most popular “cursed” lesbians of all time in Sayaka, the fantastic adult side-couple (The world needs an anime starring lesbian adults/mothers) and the various other characters who have their own interesting tales to tell. The series absolutely deserves a spot in the Top 10 though it would not be in my personal Top 3. Oh and as Yurimother said the presentation was fantastic.Visually stunning from start to finish in my opinion. Special mention goes to the criminally underused first-person “camera”. So cool.

YuriMother: I agree with this series deserving a spot in the top ten even if not the number one slot. For me, it was good but not great. Moments such as the aforementioned adult couple as well as stellar art and a phenomenal score made this series enjoyable but they were not enough to overshine the problems of the narrative. For the love of the Yuri Goddess, this series is crying out for asexual representation but insists on carrying on with its confused romance. Enough complaining though, many people love Bloom Into You despite its faults and I agree. The characters are interesting and lovable and it manages to tell a yuri story more real and complex than the typical fluffy girl meets girl narratives.

2. Citrus - 452 Votes

YuriMother: The presence of Citrus and Bloom Into You prove two things to me, the importance of recency, as both anime aired only last year, and the sheer popularity of these series. Both had established and extremely successful manga runs which were adapted into English by the publishing masters of yuri, Seven Seas. Citrus is a contentious series, to say the least, as it includes elements of (non-blood related) incest and non-consensual actions as part of Mei and Yuzu’s “relationship.” However, if you possess the magical power to turn off the part of your brain screaming at you that those aspects are deeply problematic or if you seek a different interpretation then Citrus can be downright WONDERFUL. I actually loved this anime series for its characters, amazing animation, and salaciousness. As OG said, it is an operatic concussion of emotion (seriously everyone in the series needs therapy) but my is it fun to watch. The Citrus anime also holds a special place in my heart, as the first serious piece I ever wrote was a review for it over on Okazu (nice plug)! Citrus is certainly not for everyone but those that stuck with it and overlooked some of the problems ended up loving it.

OG: Here we are again with Citrus at #2. My thoughts on the series remains the same as in the previous two lists I discussed (the Akiba Research and goo Ranking Japan lists), overrated. Good soap opera/telenovela-esque series but my feelings on the cast are mixed (which I imagine was the writer’s intent). My main issue has always been the obstacles repeatedly challenging Yuzu and Mei’s feelings for each other instead of it focusing on “Hey. We like each other but our parents got married. What do we do? Can we keep our desires for each other in check?”. Instead it is one newcomer after another who want to eat either Yuzu or Mei and Yuzu repeatedly asking herself if she really wants robo-stepsister patties? I will give the anime adaptation credit. The story was easier to enjoy animated than drawn. It also helped that I grew up in a telenovela loving family. The characters’ actions, reactions and emotions were depicted better in the anime. I still consider the show’s greatest accomplishment being the humanization of Mei-Tron. In the manga it took a post-epilogue continuation to show readers “Hey everyone. Mei-Tron was human all along.” whereas in the anime I sensed the small bit of humanity quicker than in the manga where I continued seeing her as a block of wood with a brain up to the point where I dropped it. Harumin though is the greatest regardless of anime or manga adaptation. Bless her. Regardless of how I feel about the series I get its massive popularity. After all, were the rest of the story to get an animated continuation I would gladly pick it up...Not the manga though.

3. Sakura Trick - 342 Votes

OG: There are fans who understandably would disagree with Sakura Trick’s praise but I will always defend it and the anime as one of the very best in the genre. First off it aired at a time where animated on-screen close up kisses (specifically consensual ones) between ladies were rare. Haruka X Yuu’s relationship was believable for the most part. Even their season finale resolution, them not getting what being “in love” meant at the time, made sense though I get why it left some scratching their heads. Probably not the best “manga lure/bait” end I suppose. On the bright side Kotone X Shizuku’s story definitely did not have the two doubting their true feelings for each other. I do hope Kaede X Yuzu eventually hooked up in the manga as they too had potential to be a lovely couple.

YuriMother: Sakura Trick has no real narrative, no great insight, and offers little intellectually. As a teacher, it makes me furious, as a fan of yuri, elated. The anime is beloved for its plentiful soft service, presenting a plethora of kisses, cuddles, and awkward thigh shots (ew). However, it was one of the first anime to include this much explicit yuri service without being pornographic. All the characters were cute and fun, even if there was little in the way of development or complexity, it worked for the series. If you want something to make you think or to learn about yuri, pass over this one. But, if you want a cute and meaningless anime definitely watch it.

4. Yuru Yuri - 337 Votes

YuriMother: OG may not be a fan of Yuru Yuri but I certainly am, which is fairly obvious to anyone who observes that a solid 20% of my communications occur in the form of gifs from this series. It is hilarious, cute, and playful. Just like Sakura Trick, this anime is an easy watch with ultimately little substance. However, the part of me that is not rolling of the floor laughing every time I watch Yuru Yuri lives in a state of pained existence with the knowledge that this work of all things ended up being so popular when people are telling interesting stories about queer women and people in actual relationship that manage to still be funny and adorable while having something to say.

OG: The undisputed most mainstream friendly yuri series there is. It is also one of the funniest. My one gripe is that excluding a select few the main draw of the show besides the comedy and yuri is the ship wars, meaning (almost any girl can be shipped with each other). Not a fan of that but hey, it brought Namori the big bucks so who am I to judge? In any case not much else to add. It deserves all the adulation it gets but the free for all shipping irks me. Reminds me of how they botched Chika X Riko in the Love Live! Sunshine!! Anime. If you were going down the Riko X Yohane route from the start then why give us Chika X Riko in the first half? Ship wars yo. Tch. Hopefully I properly explained myself..

5. Kase-san and Morning Glories (Asagao to Kase-san) - 289 Votes

OG: Still wish this got a 12-13 episode anime. The glorious movie showed how much it deserves one. Whether it will happen or not remains to be seen. In any case the beauty of Kase-san X Yamada is how simple their romance is. No strings attached whatsoever. It is as straightforward as a self-proclaimed “ordinary” cutie, Yamada, having a crush on the super cool school beauty Kase-san. Said beauty is revealed to be just as “adorkable” as Yamada. The other highlight is their story not ending once they officially started dating (as is the case with many romance stories) but that being only the beginning, like real life. From then on, side-stories aside, the two biggest challenges for the two is Yamada accepting that it is okay for someone as “ordinary” as her to be the “cool babe”s girlfriend and Kase-san finding different ways to express her love/hunger for the cutie. As for the OVA, cramming the second part of the first series in an hour definitely had the downside of excluding some important moments, yes, but it at least covered some of the best moments in the manga. The first half of the story was summarized in a five-minute music video. One last thing. The animation, though a bit too brought for some, was glorious. It also had some long pauses which were effective (The bus stop scene being the most infamous) but while I did not mind them at all even I will admit some pauses went a bit too long. A small nitpick all things considered. Fingers crossed one day we either get that 12-13 episode anime for the first series, the sequel or both. That is one of my dreams.

YuriMother: At last, an anime that I do not have to react cynically to! Kase-san is one of the single greatest works of yuri animation to ever to be created and its glory is rivaled only by the manga from which it originated. Despite being only a one hour long OVA this adaption told such an engaging and realistic (finally) story of romance and personal growth. We get to skip the meatless girl meets girls arcs and get into the depth and complexity as Yamada and Kase work to further their relationship. They struggle with the fact that they are two different people who want different things out of life and love and have to actually work on their partnership. Kase-san also includes signs of physical affection and love that are never lewd, immature, or gross, I do not even think I could refer to them as “service”. However, for me, Kase-san’s greatest victory (both the anime and manga) is in its escape from school romance, which in this genre is often a shelter from reality, allowing for women to be in relationships without actually being queer. Kase and Yamada instead make an effort to continue their romance and build a life that includes their relationship once they graduate in a triumphant final act. This anime is a slap in the face to the class S stories and sloppily sexualized works which proliferate the yuri genre. Asagao to Kase-san shines as a holy beacon for the greatness that this genre can achieve.

6. Puella Magi Madoka Magica - 286 Votes

YuriMother: Hurray!! For two entries in a row, I get to talk about series that I wholeheartedly adore without having to constantly attach caveats. Puella Magi Madoka Magica is not considered by all to be yuri, and that is certainly not what it is best known for. PMMM is however famous for twisting the tropes of the magical girl genre and creating one of the most cohesive and thoughtful narratives ever put to screen. This series summoned a new era for the magical girl genre (what OG humorously referred to as the “Moepocalypse”) but no other title managed to top Madoka Magica’s runaway success. Every aspect of this work is highly polished including character designs, a phenomenal soundtrack, and superb writing. This is not only the definitive work of its genre but of all postmodern anime. Whether or not one is a fan of yuri every anime fan should give Madoka Magica a watch.

OG: Meduka Meguca. Its impact in the “Moepocalypse” (Shows where cute and sexy girls consistently suffering physically and emotionally. These are usually dark magical girl shows.) genre and legacy are undeniable. It deserves all the praise it gets. It scarred many unfortunate souls, Homura is a legend in yuridom, Kyouko X Sayaka are glorious (Especially in Rebellion), Meduka’s Mom Junko is a Top Tier Sexy Mama, Charlotte the Witch is a very strange girlfriend and of course Hitomi is a walking anti-fun meme. The animation, especially the creepy doodle like monsters known as Witches are memorable. However, it is not my favorite Moepocalypse show. That honor goes to Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

7. Strawberry Panic - 224 Votes

OG: Like it or not Strawberry Panic is a yuri classic. I have a strong feeling that like many readers around my age (31 during this writing) this was their first 100% yuri anime. The cheese is real but it is the yummy kind of cheese and I loved almost every minute of it, except Amane X Hikari. That was the weakest of the love stories going on. Poor Yaya trying too hard (Not saying this in condescending way. She literally tried too hard). It is like a young adult lesbian novel but more fun. I mean Nagisa X Shizuma might as well be “Lesbian Twilight but not crappy”. Let us be honest, Shizuma is a vampire. Chikaru is an undisputed goddess and Kagome is the cutest.

Oh and I will repeat this statement till my last breath…

#TamaoWasRobbed.

YuriMother: I may be almost a decade younger than OG but even for me Strawberry Panic was my first yuri and it more than earns its nickname as the “gateway yuri,” although last year’s Citrus and Bloom Into You may be presenting serious contenders for this title. If for no other reason than nostalgia, Strawberry Panic remains my favorite yuri works but this ridiculous soap-opera of an anime does deserve a fair amount of recognition. I see Strawberry Panic as the culmination of the S subgenre revived by Maria Watches Over Us. However, this work succeeds at both parodying many of the tropes of S and yuri while breaking a few. However, its greatest accomplishment is introducing many of the young western fans of yuri to the genre. Strawberry Panic, you are an overly dramatic mess but thank you for all you have done.

8. Revolutionary Girl Utena - 176 Votes

YuriMother: Another gem of the yuri genre, actually scratch that, if works like Kase-san are gems then Utena is the minerals from which gems form. I think that is how it works, I am not a geologist. My poor analogies and subtle nods to Steven Universe aside, Revolutionary Girl Utena is one of the single most important works of yuri anime, possibly even more so than Sailor Moon. These two works were the dawn of the current age of yuri, an era spurn on by social progress and the internet into a place where more yuri works featuring honest depictions of homosexuality are flourishing. Utena laid the groundwork for queer representation in anime and for that I remain forever grateful to this masterpiece.

OG: I must confess. While I saw the movie long ago and thought it was cool I have yet to sit down and finish watching the main series. I cannot say much about this show other than it is another yuri classic. Possibly one of the biggest. I think I will leave this to Her Holiness because even if I had seen it I do not consider myself someone who possesses the sufficient intellect to properly explain why this is a legendary show.

9. Flip Flappers - 132 Votes

OG: I would need an essay to explain why this show is legendary. Let me see. It is a story of a girl who discovered her gayness thanks to her growing attraction to a lovable idiot/genki. There are references to Western media, dimension hopping (including Class S Hell), self-discovery, a sexual orientation journey, a tree, armored wedding gowns, crazy third wheels, Ku Klux Klan stand-ins…You know what? Just watch Flip Flappers. It is a hot mess of random, crazy, creative and thought provoking awesomeness with a wonderful dose of gayness. Glory be to PapiCoco. However, as Her Holiness mentioned this is essentially Ikuhara-san levels of weirdness (though not as complicated I feel) but as the plot thickens it all (sort of) starts making sense...eventually. That tree yo.

YuriMother: Flip Flappers was almost too strange and abstract even for me, and that is saying something. However, upon further examination, one of the most interesting works of yuri is revealed. This heavily stylized anime delves deep into the sexual maturation of its protagonist while examining the yuri genre and representation in media. Flip Flappers is the perfect marriage of heavy visual style and intellectual substance. Definitely give them one a.. err better make that three watches, as you will want to be sure to get everything out of this beautiful series as possible.

10. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid - 131 Votes

YuriMother: This series is the closest anime fans have to a lesbian couple having a family that we have, and that is a shame. I LOVE family narratives, outside of the yuri genre Usagi Drop is my favorite anime. To me, seeing women balance life, a relationship, and children is some of the best queer representation there is. However, for every point in Kobayashi’s favor, there is also a glaring fault. Kobayashi is a modern woman in the workforce providing for herself and her “family,” but is borderline abusive to Tohru. Kanna is an inquisitive child being raising by two women, but there are weirdly sexual scenes featuring her. As previously mentioned on this list, if one can silence the reasonable part of the brain this work becomes enjoyable, hilarious, and adorable. Unfortunately, its faults prevent it from being more than an amusement and I seriously doubt that they will fade in the second season. But hey, it sells a ton of figures so… YAY!

OG: This series is one of the closest yuri fans have to a series starring a lesbian couple with a daughter and it is wonderful. Is the tale of an eternally grateful dragon who wanted to repay the human who saved her life, albeit drunk, by becoming her live-in maid. Tohru being a dragon girl had incredible power and could easily crush everyone in sight but preferred to try and understand humanity so she could live in peace with the woman she loved. It of course was hard at times but thanks to Miss Kobayashi slowly growing to accept her back (romantically she had a ways to go) and the two raising the adorable bundle of mighty puff known as Kanna they became a happy family. How long this relationship will last and whether Miss Kobayashi would come to fully love Tohru back romantically remains to be seen. I have high hopes it can and will happen. Kanna X Riko is precious (Yes. Even that scene). We even have a potential BL couple, which is nice. Not a fan of Lucoa X Shouta the shota. Not because of the age gap but it not being my kind of romantic comedy. It is the same reason I have a hard time buying Tsubame X Misha from UzaMaid. Mya-Nee X Hana from Wataten...maybe. At least Mya-Nee showed she is patient. Back to Dragon Maid. Great series. Naughty of course but great.

11. Sweet Blue Flowers (Aoi Hana) - 119 Votes

OG: Megane girl falls for a cutie but has a hard time confessing to her to the point she gives a relationship with another girl a try. Said other girl has troubles of her own courtesy of her own views on what love. Do not get me started on the OTHER girl who likes megane’s girlfriend. I did not even mention megane girl’s first love interest who she herself eventually begins questioning her feelings for the glasses wearing maiden. While this is well known throughout the history of yuri anime Aoi Hana made it clearer than ever that Yuri + Classical Music go hand in hand. Plus the show is quite pretty. Ultimately enjoyment of this series depends heavily on viewers’ patience.

YuriMother: Aoi Hana was ahead of its time in many regards. Most yuri during the early twenty-first century was unrealistic and melodramatic, especially with the revival of S stories. Aoi Hana instead presents a calm and realistic story that we still rarely see in yuri anime today. Instead of relying on tricks like service or comedy Aoi Hana presents a serene and character-driven story which is matched by equally calming scenery. It is certainly not the most thrilling watch, but a slow and beautiful slice of real life that remains one of the all-time strongest yuri works.

12. Yurikuma Arashi - 99 Votes

YuriMother: Yurikuma Arashi is strange, to say the least, but this is not out of the ordinary for legendary director Ikuhara, who also directed Utena. Parallels are easily drawn between this work and Flip Flappers, as they are both complex and encoded with enough symbolism to drown a bear. Yurikuma is one of my favorite works in the yuri genre and I have had more than a few heated discussions about interpretations of the work, including one memorable occasion when I was visiting a college professor and we ended up in a shouting match in the middle of the hall. However, while Flip Flappers holds a high degree of polish the same can, unfortunately, not be said here. Yurikuma Arashi has more than a few scenes of fanservice many of which overly fetishize the characters and relationship and some of the symbols, particularly lily flowers and the word “yuri” are practically beaten to death with an object I refuse to come up with because I am starting to have my fill of symbolism. However, despite some of its sloppiness, Yurikuma is one of the single most interesting and well-formed anime out there and analyzing it is practically a right of passage for seasoned yuri fans.

OG: Yurikuma Arashi is my favorite of Ikuhara-san’s series. To me it was the least complicated of his works but even so I needed help to understand the show. Luckily I had plenty of assistance. The meat of the story is more complicated but put simply it is about a war between a group of bear girls (and some human girls) who want to freely express their love and/or desire/hunger for each other and another group that amounts to Right to Censor from WWF. Like I said it is far more complex than that but that is the gist. The anime is quite ecchi and it has good reason for it. Again the gay bears are the more liberated of the groups and them getting more sexy scenes is meant to showcase that. Our heroine has good reason to be grumpy and a divine entity was introduced alongside a certain someone from a certain dark anime we already discussed.

In the end it is a show starring lesbian bear girls. I love love stories between women and i love bears. It was obvious I would end up enjoying this one. Like other complex stories it is not for everyone. Shows like Flip Flappers, Utena and Yurikuma have something of a learning people will have to get accustomed to in order to enjoy them.

13. Whispered Words (Sasameki Koto) - 88 Votes

OG: To me Aoi Hana and Sasameki Koto were always connected despite the former being a drama and the latter a comedy. Both star a female protagonist struggling with how to best tell the girl she likes her true feelings whereas their love interest for one reason or another makes it all the more challenging to get their feelings across. Both shows aired during a time yuri was not as popular of a genre as it would become over time. Perhaps if they had come out a little later when yuri was becoming more popular in the mainstream they would have fared better…Then again they may have helped set the groundwork for future yuri shows so it’s just as well they came out when they did. In any case both good shows worthy of “best of yuri” lists. SK has the dynamic of the megane in love and her somewhat airheaded love interest who specifically likes “cute girls”. Poor megane has a hard time figuring out what the airhead defines as “cute”. The show also features an amusing side-couple of an ojou-sama and her tsundere girlfriend. Not to mention the somewhat controversial side-girl who plays a more prominent role in the 2nd half of the anime. Heck, even Mr Crossdresser himself is cool. Let us not forget Miss “Ha Ha Ha!” Another really good show that I would love to see the rest of the manga get animated someday but considering most anime are essentially manga commercials and the SK manga ended the odds of a 2nd season are close to 0.

YuriMother: 2009 was a great year for yuri anime, with both Sasameki Koto and Aoi Hana, among other works, airing. But while Aoi Hana sought to resist many of the common tropes of the genre and tell a simple grounded story Sasameki Koto appears to have looked a the list of every convention possible and say “yeah I can do that.” It has melodrama, comedy, one-sided love, friend love stories, I worship this genre but even I think there is a limit. However, Sasameki Koto is one of the most competent yuri anime works of the current era. While all the tropes are present most of the problematic aspects of the genre are not. The story is well written, characters enjoyable, and art that is really well done for the time. I enjoy every watch and if I ever want to quickly download the genre’s tropes into another person's head I need only duct tape them to a chair and throw on Sasameki Koto.

14. Riddle Story of Devil (Akuma no Riddle) - 77 Votes

YuriMother: Akuma no Riddle was highly anticipated back in 2014, sporting a premise of student assassins that, while certainly not unique, was outside the norms for the yuri genre. It promised a dark and thrilling take on the yuri genre that would not become popular until the yuri horror trend a few years later. At first, it looked like this would be successful with an excellent setup and some pretty compelling characters but ultimately Akuma no Riddle fell flat and became more derailed as it continued. The monster of the week style of episodes left little room for complex plots and plans or proper character development, which is a shame because of how engaging so many of the assassins were upon original presentation. However, this show still has some of the best action in the yuri genre, placing it alongside series like Cannan and Utena despite its flawed storytelling. If nothing else, the anime may compel one to read the manga, which expands the story and characters more than the show was given time to.

OG: Professional assassins secretly gathered at an academy in an attempt to take the life of a seemingly innocent cutie to win the ultimate prize, one of whom wishes to protect the adorable redhead. Yes the manga, which is pretty much a Director’s Cut, is better and the anime would have benefited from having 20+ episodes instead of 12 and a delightful beach OVA but the show did a good job of showing viewers what each assassin was like, their motivations (though many of their origin stories were summarized in written biographies during commercial breaks viewers needed to pause to read) were clear enough and the duels, as brief as some of them were, had enough spicy goodness in them to be memorable, especially the ones in the latter half of the show. Oh, and although the manga wrapped up after the anime it had a very similar ending.

15. Revue Starlight - 72 Votes

OG: Gay theater girls who strive to become the top star, meaning the best actress or lead actor of the cast. How do they do it? By working hard and overcoming their personal hardships? Yes. That. What makes this show so wonderful despite being almost a year old as of this writing is not only do the ladies all have interesting stories to tell but so does the stage. Every song, prop, movement, dance, gesture etc. It is like the performers and performances are united. It is like in Spongebob where not only does the person in the boots tell a story but the boots as well.

Oh yes. I almost forgot to mention the mysterious underground theater and talking giraffe. Never forget the talking giraffe from Hell. #Wakarimasu.

Super cool and super gay.

YuriMother: Bushiroad continuously gets better at what they do, creating media franchises of cute girls filled with music and making mountains of cash from smartphone games. Inspired by the likes of Love Live, they created BanG Dream and last year Revue Starlight. However, where these franchises fell short Revue Starlight success. It never twists its characters to tell a story but rather creates compelling arcs around them. I thoroughly enjoyed and agree with its place on this list.

16. Konohana Kitan - 68 Votes

YuriMother: I know of Konohana Kitan for its constant presence at yuri events more so than the anime or even the manga. It is adorable, relaxing, simple, and fun. While it does not add anything super substantial to the genre it does not take anything either or present any objectionable material. The “plot” is nonexistent but that does not matter, as it is not trying to tell a story or make commentary, just be fluffy and simple.

OG: Konohana Kitan to me is a Girls Club (Cute girls doing cute things) and iyashikei hybrid anime. It is visually stunning as it is relaxing with Yuzu pretty much one of the cutest demigoddesses in existence. She of course is a chick magnet but her heart will forever belong to Satsuki.

17. Destiny of the Shrine Maiden (Kannazuki no Miko) - 65 Votes

OG: The other stuff on the show is still not that great but ChiMeko will forever stand the test of time as far as I’m concerned. Top 10 for their love story alone. Yes. I know THAT ONE SCENE continues being controversial and talked about every time curious new yuri fans witness greatness…but I will forever defend Chikane because I get where she was coming from. Would I have done something different? Yes. The thing is you need to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she wanted to accomplish and how far she would go to get it done. Kotoha is best side-character and Souma Ogami is real man’s man who does not deserve the hate. He was an honorable warrior to the end. He fought well and accepted defeat like a man. Plus his yell is inspirational.

YuriMother: My feelings on Kannazuki no Miko are incredibly mixed. It has many of the worst facets of early current era yuri anime, tropes include S, rape and… am I reading this correctly, demon mechs? Worst of all it presents a cycle, a never-ending loop that haunts the characters in the overarching plot and it does not resolve it. If a work ever presents such an element, like Puella Magi did, it must be overcome or confronted at least. Its presence makes the already cringy story feels cheap and lazy. However, I love the two female leads and their difficult relationship. I love the music, especially the hauntingly beautiful ending theme, and the final moments of episode 11 are some of the greatest seconds I have ever seen in an anime. I cannot wrap my mind around my view of this series but at the end of the day, I understand it. I do not believe that work like it would ever be warmly accepted today but for its time it does stand as a breakout piece of yuri anime.

18. Princess Principal - 61 Votes

YuriMother: Princess Principal is one of the best anime of the past few years. It had everything, an interesting premise, great characters, an incredible soundtrack. Alongside all this is the sharp writing and thrilling story. Princess Principal did everything Akuma no Riddle wanted to with an intriguing and action-packed story featuring strong characters. On top of all this, the animation is top notch. A six-part movie sequel is planned which has me somewhat concerned, but I am glad to see that it is being continued as the ending to the series was one of its weakest aspects. Now if you will excuse me, I need to listen to some jazz.

OG: Cute and sexy gay spies in a dramatic British Steampunk setting. What more do readers need? Allow Her Holiness to elaborate a bit further. Currently waiting for the multi-part cinematic continuation.

19. Izetta: The Last Witch - 60 Votes

OG: I am known for loving shows people do not think as highly of. Izetta: The Last Witch is no different. I love this show so much. Besides how certain events transpired some complained about the depiction of WW2. Basically think about people ranting about storylines and content featured in certain Call of Duty and Battlefield games. Here however, it is clearly a fictional great war inspired by WW2. I was invested in the following:

-The cute and sexy ladies.

-Seeing two badass lesbians lead an army against an evil empire.

-FiZetta’s romance. This of course being the major highlight. I love FiZetta so much. My sexy lesbian babies and Anne X Grea’s mentors. They taught them everything they know after all.

It is similar to how I felt watching Kannazuki no Miko where my focus was primarily on the leading ladies’ developing romance. The difference is that unlike Kannazuki I was also somewhat entertained by our heroines’ enemies along with their allies. Basically viewers’ enjoyment of the show depends on how seriously they take their history and are willing to overlook the liberties this story takes with its depictions of the weapons, military and the familiar evil empire. FiZetta are one of my favorite lesbian couples of all time.

By the way, in that famous scene, yes they did. Viewers just have to squint their eyes to see “it”.

YuriMother: Another show that I consider to have squandered its potential. I know that lots of people enjoyed this one, including OG but I could not bring myself to finish this constantly mediocre series. Perhaps I am tired of alternative light-fantasy European-war inspired plots. Trying to stand out in this bloated genre is difficult and Izetta fails. Izetta started strong and hooked many viewers with its amazing visual and auditory polish but this was quickly lost in the plot which, while set up well, struggle to gain any ground of pay off what had been established. On the yuri side, it did not really do anything interesting or satisfying, with plenty of scenes feature the character’s standing next to each other looking cute and one or two moments of actual yuri. I am glad that some of you were able to enjoy this one more than me at least.

20. Maria Watches Over Us (Maria-sama ga Miteru) - 57 Votes

OG: Like Strawberry Panic this is a “Like it or not” classic. Despite being a Class S show it did its own thing and became a pioneer for . It’s also responsible for the many yuri jokes related to all-girl schools in anime.Shimako X Noriko best Grande and Petite Souer! Yumiko X Sachiko were great too as the two grew to better understand each other. Most memorable scene for me was the panda costume. Even Sei is a sleeper icon in all yuridom. Yoshino X Rei had a very interesting dynamic. I actually think they are the real pioneers of relationships between cousins. Thank you YoshiRei. HaruKana, Kaede X Sara and several others owe you two much appreciation.

YuriMother: Another great and significant series, Maria Watches Over Us, took the tropes of early yuri works, Catholic schools, a lack of men, piano scenes, and emotional relationship rather than physical ones and turned the dial up to 11. For better or worse, it single-handedly revived the Class S genre and was copied (and parodied) endlessly for over a decade. However much I complain about S I actually do not think that we would have the current age of yuri without its popularity and proliferation at the beginning of the century so I owe a big thank you to Maria Watches Over Us for that. Ignoring its historical importance and literary significance the anime still presents an engaging plot with wonderful characters and more butchered French than my last trip to Europe. It is certainly worth a watch and worthy of a place on this list.

What do you think should be on this list?:

YuriMother: As I previously said, this is a pretty perfect list. As far as missing titles I can think of the following.

Simoun - not the greatest in terms of plot or animation but it had cute service and a fun action-packed plot.

Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl - This series may be strange and present the dreaded love triangle but it did its best to tell a transgender narrative in 2006, naturally this involved aliens, and I applaud it for its attempts.

Cannan - This series is light on the yuri but heavy on the suspense, action, and amazing character designs. The terrorist plot is exciting and the final train fight featured in the series is one of the greatest action spectacles in anime that somehow manages to remain grounded.

OG:

-Harukana Receive: Best all-female sports anime ever made. Plus the gayness is not subtle at all.

-Mikagura Gakuen Kumikyoku: Eruna Ichinomiya is an underrated yuri icon. While not the first of her kind (That honor, I think, goes to Galaxy Fraulein Yuna) she set the standard of cool and inspirational badass lesbian protagonists who are proud of who they are and...also happen to be super perverts. Eruna made it cool to be such a protagonist. It is nice seeing a lesbian lead who does not care what anyone else thinks. She is hungry for cute girl booties. While she often loses her control in the presence of pure beauty she, as an inspiration for others like her, has enough self-control to not go overboard (most of the time).

-Symphogear: Symphogear is love, Symphogear is life. Hopefully Season 5 will keep up the good work.

-Rinne no Lagrange: My favorite mecha anime and the reason I embrace OT3s when the signs are there. Not the greatest but man was it fun. Plus Madoka Kyouno is still sexy.

-Yuki Yuna wa Yuusha de Aru: My favorite Moepocalypse anime of all time. Yuna X Togo taught me to love and trust some people outside my closest family again.

-Mouretsu Pirates: If someone were to ask me “Hey OG. What to you is the perfect anime?”. I would tell them Mouretsu/Bodacious Space Pirates.

-Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl. Thanks to the first fan commenting and reminding me of it. Definitely worthy of a spot. #HazumuWasAlwaysFemale

Final Thoughts:

OG: Pretty good list and close to what mine would look like were I to make one. Reason I have yet to do so is because I do not feel confident enough to pick a favorite yuri anime of all time. Favorite yuri manga and couples? That I can do, but anime always seems to give me a hard time choosing my absolute favorites. Like I said though, a potential yuri list of mine would look something like this. I also found it interesting how similar the Top 10 are among both our respective fanbases and visitors to the poll conducted by the Akiba Research Institute.

YuriMother: I may have done most the complaining and left the praise to OG but I actually and really happy with this list. I think that every title presented is a worthy addition and while I would certainly move some higher or lower than their current placing I do not believe that these are too far off from my own opinions, which is surprising for a popularity poll. More than anything I am thrilled to see that works I dislike that I thought to be popular did not make this list. Perhaps I should have more faith in people and their opinions. Everyone did such a wonderful job voting and I am so grateful!

Thank you so much everyone for reading and for voting in the top yuri anime poll. To see the full results of the poll and to support yuri news, reviews, and content, check out the YuriMother Patreon. Happy Pride Month

#yuri #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#pride #pride month #queer #gay #anime #cartoon #tv #lesbian #lesbians #girls love #wlw #gl #poll #manga

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tessatechaitea · 4 years ago

Text

Justice Society of America #10 (1993)

Fact: Golden Age heroes didn't have penises.

I was starfished on my bedroom floor tonight staring at the ceiling and thinking about how in my teens and twenties, I could revel in it, thinking, "Who am I? Who will I become? What does life have in store for me?" But a grown ass man doing that simply thinks, "This is it, isn't it?" At least I can lose myself in reading comic books I've already read and which I didn't really enjoy that much the first time. It might sound like a waste of time but it gives my life meaning! The most shallow of meanings, sure. But at least I'm not growing old watching conservative news because I need anything at all to light my passion. I'll say this about Fox News: they understand how old people are so bored they'll watch the dumbest shit and then get mad about it. I know other people who aren't old also watch Fox News. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them. I guess they have fears and hatreds I hope I'll never truly understand. I just don't understand watching Fox News (or any of the other non-propaganda 24 hour news sites). People do understand there are channels which show programs that make you laugh or feel merry or that simply entertain the other non-lizard parts of your brain, right? How do you pick Fox News when you can watch Sci-fi or Buzzr Comedy Central or the Ru-Paul's Drag Race all day channel? I just realized that the people who watch Fox News basically use Twitter the same way. The majority of my feed are funny people so even when they're discussing politics, it's always entertaining (or fiercely intelligent because witty people are smart. Dumb people think they're witty (see Mike Huckabee)). But when I check out the Twitter feeds of conservatives I know, at best they'll retweet a sports tweet sandwiched between forty retweets of Ben Shapiro and Dinesh Souza. Maybe they think some of the right wing pundits they follow are funny. But calling somebody a mean name or tagging everything "liberal tears" isn't funny. It's the kind of funny that the bully's weasely sidekick guffaws over and then says, "You tell 'em, Jimmy!" Speaking of things bullies would say, it's now time for me to criticize Len Strazewski's Justice Society. Previously, some old fart named Kulak made everybody in the world begin to hate. But they aren't just randomly hating everybody else. They really seem to be bonding over their hatred for the Justice Society of America. Is this story a metaphor about me and my hatred of this comic book? Because that would be a terrible metaphor seeing as how I don't really hate this comic. I wish I did though! I'm old and I need to feel passion! I bet if I hadn't dropped cable eighteen years ago, I'd be addicted to Fox News too! No, I wouldn't be. I'm as liberal as you can be while still making offensive jokes. So not really that liberal, I guess? Maybe I'm socially, economically, and politically liberal. But I'm a complete asshole when it comes to punchlines. Don't get me wrong! I don't make offensive jokes at the expense of people different than me. I make offensive jokes about myself and those Goddamned fucking babies. Fuck those parasitic monsters. This issue begins with Starman finally reappearing.

It really wasn't exciting enough for an announcement of his return. He's just another half-balding old guy. But it lets me talk about the DC Universe show, Stargirl!

I decided to watch Stargirl because what else am I going to do with my life? Finish reading Gravity's Rainbow? I mean, I am going to do that now that I'm done re-reading those awful Lando Calrissian books. But I can't spend all of time reading Pynchon! Just too much of it! I mean, I'm only 18 pages into Gravity's Rainbow (which is further than I've ever gotten on my previous three attempts!) and I'd estimate I don't understand 5% of the words he's used. And that's me being an English Lit major who has been a voracious reader his entire 48 years (minus the ones where I couldn't read yet. Like ten or something?). I was in bed reading and didn't have a dictionary at hand so I just powered through. But I think I need to go back through and learn all of those words so I can impress the local Starbucks barista! Or are people not impressed when you use a word they have nearly zero chance of knowing and don't know you enough to keep the conversation going by asking you what that means and instead just smile and nod and glance occasionally at the tip jar? Anyway, so I've watched three episodes so far and I'll tell you how I feel about it after I mention how I've actually watched four episodes. The first episode I watched, I was impressed with because Courtney was already palling around with a bunch of legacy JSA members and the Injustice Society was trying to tackle the "Who is Stargirl?" problem and I watched it thinking, "This is really impressive how they decided to start in the middle of the story like this. I like it!" Then I went to watch episode two and I was confused because it didn't seem to follow after the previous episode. So I kept thinking, "Maybe this is a flashback?" And then eighteen minutes into it, I thought, "Maybe I didn't watch the pilot episode. I'd better check." And I started watching the first episode which I totally hadn't seen. So I guess I started with Episode 7 or something. Here are some of my tweet-thoughts on the show for those who don't follow me on Twitter (why don't you follow me on twitter? What is wrong with you? Is it because you don't know I'm @GrunionGuy?): Tweet #1: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then you check to make sure the actress playing a fifteen year old Stargirl is actually 21 and then you breathe a sigh of relief and think, 'I won't be cancelled today! Unless I tweet this experience, probably.'" Tweet #2: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then remember it's okay to fuck a car that's been converted into a giant robot with Luke Wilson inside of it." Tweet #3: "3rd episode of Stargirl begins with a dying white woman's final wish to her white husband that he make the world safe for their white son. She dies and he goes out into the enormous hedge maze garden of his mansion to scream into the sky about the injustice of it all. All in all, a pretty good villain origin!" That third tweet was the only one that really makes any sort of socially acceptable commentary on the show. Saying things like "Stargirl's butt doesn't look like my mouth should be inside of it because she's fifteen although the actress is twenty-one so maybe it actually does look like that?" aren't the greatest things to admit even if you're just joking (which I am but just adding this statement makes it sound like I'm not but I totally am (that "totally" doesn't help but I assure you, I'm joking (did the hole just get deeper?))). I mean, sure, her body is super fit because she's a super hero (or will be?). But she has such a baby face! And even at twenty-one, she's just a baby! If I were younger, I'd totally have a crush on her. But I'm 48 and I just don't consider young women proper targets for my sexual deviance anymore. The only interaction I should have with young women these days is warning them against going out to the summer camp at the lake where that boy drowned so many years ago. The girls I had a crush on when I was younger (Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy), Winona Ryder (Veronica Sawyer), and Stacie Mistysyn (Caitlin Ryan)), I have even more of a crush on now. Judging by the crushes I've had my whole life and not society's stereotype of women, women definitely get better looking as they get older. And probably as I get older. I'm sure that's part of it although I like to think that fifteen year old me would still look at these nearly fifty (or maybe fifty? I'm not so obsessed I know their ages but they're all around my age anyway) year old women and think, "Holy fuck mommy." I'm sorry for that last comment. But I'm only sorry to God not anybody who was reading this. Oh, I forgot to mention that Joel McHale is the original Starman (I mean original in the show although he's Sylvester Pemberton who was never Starman but only Skyman although in the show he was at one point the Star-Spangled Kid and Luke Wilson does mention Ted Knight at some point). And he's funny in his death scene just like he should be because I've obviously decides Sylvester is Jeff Winger's new superhero secret identity alias. Starman heads off with his Cosmic Buttplug to stop Kulak in Gotham City. He doesn't know it yet but the rest of his pals are currently battling Kulak and probably losing. Although Kulak is even older than they are so maybe it's a fair fight. I'm just surprised that a comic book where old men battle other old men has made it ten issues.

I think some editor was fired last issue and the new editor's only job was to make sure it didn't look like Thunderbolt had been speared through the asshole.

Although this editor seemed to think it was okay to have Hawkgirl fucked from behind by Kulak.

I hope this isn't a terrible conservative take on women that exposes how terrible I am at sex but even mind-controlled, I can't imagine licking a woman's shoulder would elicit that response. Although she could be "Ummming" from his pee-hee in her bee-boo.

I know conservative talking points are generally fucking idiotic but Ben Shapiro somehow thinking women can get "too wet" from sexual excitement might be the most hilariously idiotic. I don't think I've been with a woman who was all, "Yes! Yes! Lick my shoulder blade!" and I then I got super into it and then suddenly she was all, "Nope. Too wet. This isn't working for me anymore. I need a doctor, I guess?" Who am I kidding? I know I've never been with a woman who did that because that would mean I've had to have been with a woman! Also, women get wet down there? What's that about? Is it because the vagina cries at the sight of the penis? Kulak takes away all of their super powers but I guess he forgets that Wildcat doesn't have any so I'm hoping Wildcat just punches him in the face soon. Although that Starman bit probably was a hint at how the coming fight might end. You know, with Starman shoving his Cosmic Buttplug into Kulak's third eye, if you know what I'm saying. You probably do because I called it a Cosmic Buttplug. I should try to be more subtle. Kulak's entire purpose is to get revenge on the Justice Society for defeating him way back in 1940. Can't even one super villain just accept defeat and move on with their lives? Or are writers just always going to be so inherently lazy that they'll never give up the crutch of the villain attacking the hero directly out of revenge for that one single time they tried to actually commit a crime and were stopped? The JSA puts up a fight that helps to drain Kulak's power but it isn't until Starman arrives and does that thing I mentioned with his Cosmic Buttplug that Kulak is defeated.

This is the grossest orgasm I've ever seen and my computer is riddled with viruses from all of the previous ones I've watched.

After Kulak's defeat, Jesse Quick wraps up the issue with her super hero dissertation which is less a dissertation and more of a thorough cleaning of all of their asses with her tongue. She's all, "I didn't really do much research or define heroes too good but the Justice Society of America are my heroes so I deserver a degree, right?" Justice Society of America #10 Rating: B. This comic book was as average as they get. I suppose that should garner a C grade but a B grade just seems to say decent but mediocre. By the time I get down to a C grade, I feel like the comic book needs a lot more faults than "I don't really care about stories with heroes who are having strokes during the battles." It's a valid criticism but it's probably too subjective for a critical review. I know, I know! When has that ever stopped me before? Well, I feel charitable today. It probably has something to do with Mars being so close to the full moon earlier this week. My blood is all riled up and wacky!

#Justice Society of America #Stargirl #JSA #Len Strazewski #Mike Parobeck #Mike Machlan

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ghostmartyr · 5 years ago

Text

SnK 120 Thoughts

A Fleeting Moment.

You blinked and missed it.

Is there some sort of deadline that I am unaware of? Because I think this is the second chapter in a row that reads so YOLO that it carries the desperation of a death soon at hand.

Yes, that’s right.

This chapter.

Is a Zekesona.

Maybe it’s because I’m a heartless monster, but my predominant thought throughout this chapter--well, fine, we’re getting to the real one later, but mostly my thought was wow, we’re really just diving straight in to the plot magic.

I’m not going to stop calling it plot magic.

Starting out it might have been a deliberate attempt to avoid the grammar of all things Paths, but at this point... it’s here to make the plot go. Sense is optional.

Zeke, you’re fucking killing me.

Let me. just.

Let me attempt to form words with my fingers. Or my head. Or anything at all. This chapter has beaten me. I read it, I consumed the information, and so help me, I think if I let myself, I would never stop laughing over this.

It’s not funny, it’s just.

This, as we have here, is the pinnacle of everything wrong with letting the Yeager Bros take the wheel of a car that is not only missing seat belts and brakes, but perhaps also a functioning wheel.

In the world that is still sort of maybe occupied by sanity, there’s. Zeke.

Holding his brother’s decapitated head.

While he and his brother have an extended Inception dream sequence to manage the fact that Eren should really be very dead.

Really, I could probably spare a few minutes on that, but I don’t want to, because the logistics of how dead Eren is, exactly, when years have to pass in the plot magic in the seconds it’s been since his head was shot off--

I feel like someone shot my head off.

So okay.

A dream level up, the fight goes on in excruciating slowmo.

Meanwhile, Zeke and Eren are.

Okay, yeah, can’t do it. Nope.

This is not a criticism of the writing, as of right now. Like, I have my severe hysteria because of course Zeke has spent his Inception time growing to surpass the chains the First King adorned himself with, and of course, for some unholy reason, those chains bind Zeke at all despite him rightly pointing out he’s not of the Reiss branch and Zeke not actually being the Founding Titan.

Those are things I am noting, and I am completely failing to have a reaction to them because my entire jaw is in pain from holding back laughter, but that is not my present comment.

My present comment.

Is that these two are fucking morons.

I do not mean that disrespectfully. I mean it with the full sincerity of someone who is absolutely okay with the text making them fucking morons.

But holy damn fuck these kids do not have a clue what they’re doing.

Zeke first meets Ymir Fritz when he nearly dies in an unexpected near-incidental suicide. That’s when he has his first hands-on experience with Paths.

Sorry, plot magic.

So um.

Both Eren and Zeke plan to finally make use of the Founder’s power by showing up at this place. They don’t know that at the time they make their plan, because it’s still new to them, they just know that they’re going to hold hands and stuff and somehow things will happen.

Eren thinks the things Zeke wants to happen are bullshit.

Shocking.

Zeke thinks the things Eren wants to happen are bullshit, despite having no clue what those things even are.

Shocking.

And like.

Neither one is getting what they want, because Eren can’t actually use the power he’s journeyed all this way to get, because if this were a real anime, Zeke would have pink hair of warning. Zeke’s royal blood matters more than Eren having the Titan.

Sort of.

Zeke can dismantle the chains on the Founding Titan that attach to him for some reason, but Eren seems to still be required to pull the trigger. (ETA)

So if Inception-verse did not exist, Eren would have just gotten whatever it is he’s after, which would be bad for Zeke by measure of it not being what Zeke wants, but because Inception-verse does exist, they have all the time in the world, Zeke has the means to get what he wants, only technically he doesn’t really because he still needs Eren to agree with him and that hasn’t happened yet.

All of this work.

All...

Good fucking what.

ALL OF THOSE DEAD BODIES, BOYS, AND NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAS JACK SHIT TO SHOW FOR IT.

SOMEHOW

BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION

BOTH OF YOU ARE FAILING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. BECAUSE OF THE VERY SIMPLE FACT THAT YOU NEVER TRULY BOTHERED TO UNDERSTAND THE PERSON OR THE POWER YOU WERE ASKING TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

EREN MISUNDERSTANDS THE NATURE OF THE FOUNDER.

ZEKE MISUNDERSTANDS HIS BABY BROTHER.

BOY I’M SURE GLAD WE’VE SPENT THIRTY CHAPTERS ON THE CLUSTERFUCK OF YOUR MUTUAL DECISIONS JUST TO FIND OUT NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAS A FUCKING CLUE HOW TO MAKE ANY OF THIS WORK.

YOU BROKE THE WORLD, FULLY CONFIDENT IN YOUR DUCT TAPE, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THE ROLL YOU WERE HOLDING WAS SOME OTHER COLLECTION OF TAPE THAT SOMEONE GAVE A SILVER PAINT JOB.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GIVE CHILDREN GUNS.

THEY SHOOT THINGS.

YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLY DUMB FUCKS.

Once more, this is not a criticism of the writing. I think it’s very fair for Zeke and Eren to be interacting with forces beyond their understanding, and screw it all up badly. In Eren’s case, that force is some weird demigod demon who possibly sold their soul to the devil. In Zeke’s case, it’s the will to live.

Both very confusing things. It is perfectly reasonable for them to be having difficulties.

-pre-corpses screaming in the background, only in slowmo because the moment of Eren’s head being blown off hasn’t actually passed-

-Falco steaming in the dirt-

-all Eren’s friends risking their lives so they might maybe use the Founding Titan to fix this all up-

You can tell Eren and Zeke have a doctor for a father, because their elaborate plan depending on thousands of years of history and starting international incidents fails in the face of basic common sense.

No, I’m not done.

These would be the people who would change the world.

Eren.

This is why, when you were ten, your mother was already telling another ten-year-old to look after you. BECAUSE SHE KNEW. SHE KNEW THIS IS WHAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.

LO, BEHOLD THE NEW UNDERSTANDING OF CARLA’S TEARS AS HER CHILDREN LEAVE HER TO HER DEATH.

IF ONLY EITHER OF YOU HAD A BRAIN.

I’m sorry, I know I should be making comments on other parts of the chapter, but this is all just so typical, and so blisteringly obvious an outcome, and.

Well, we got a lot of nice shots of Grisha and his family. Yay.

Plus--

Oh.

Fuck.

No no no no no, no, I don’t want that.

The thought occurred that this probably is one of the many functions of the plot magic’s oddness around people remembering things they shouldn’t, and blah blah blah Eren crying at the start of the series, but...

Grisha sees Zeke for a moment. Just a moment, but he taps into their link in the Paths.

If Mikasa goes back to watch the memory of Eren sleeping while he’s supposed to be collecting firewood, I have objections. I don’t know what they are, but there’s a visceral reaction of how dare you if that’s where this is all heading.

But you know, that’s for people who do things like speculation about things that aren’t related to people with the last name Reiss, so not my problem.

Anyway, the flashbacks are not a surprise. Grisha loves Eren. He makes his mistakes with Zeke, and comes to regret them terribly. He becomes a better man, and leaves his obsession behind to hold his new family.

This explains what happens the night he kills the Reiss family very well.

In that moment, he must have felt, so keenly, that this is all his fault. He walks away from the Founder. He leaves his mission. He leaves the power behind.

The walls fall, and in the hands of the Reisses, the Founder can do nothing to assist.

His wife dies.

The obsession returns, and Grisha’s last act is saddling Eren with all of his mistakes. Because he learned from his old ones, but he found that those lessons just destroyed the new life he comes to love. Grisha abandons his cause, and Carla dies. Eldians die. Marley creates more victims.

How many people suffer needlessly because Grisha hesitates?

That’s not a burden he takes to well, and the Grisha in these memories never wanted his last moments with Eren to be what they were. It’s one more piece to the insanity that took hold that night. One more tragedy.

When Kruger gives Grisha the Attack Titan, he tells Grisha to love someone inside the walls. The instruction becomes to make a family, but its root is in love. The important part is that Grisha loves someone. Otherwise, the cycle continues.

Grisha loves his sons. He abuses one and nearly ruins him, and takes the next and loves him properly. That’s the son who rejects the idea that they should all die. He’s been given a life that he understands has glory in even its beginning moments, and understands how horrendous it is that Zeke would remove generations of future moments.

The problem that continues, however, is one that I imagine we’ll be addressing with future flashback episodes.

Zeke loves his little brother. Until time allows otherwise, he takes it for granted that his precious little brother will see things his way. He needs so little convincing to bring Eren into the fold. Even before he knows how much control he truly has, he fully accepts Eren.

He doesn’t know Eren.

Eren knows Zeke, because the truth of Zeke’s heart is in this plan.

He knows Zeke, and doesn’t do anything with that knowledge.

Eren and Zeke use each other to reach this place, and in the end, their failure to be there for one another results in neither one being able to wield the power that their union creates.

There might be love there, but it’s the ruined kind Grisha bestows on Zeke. Control is what matters. Reaching the end is what matters.

“Your wife. You child. Even someone on the street. It does not matter. Love someone inside the walls. If you can’t, we’re doomed to repeat it all again. The same history. The same mistakes. Again and again.”

The mistake Eren and Zeke make is the opposite of the one their father chooses in this memory. He puts his love for his family over his mission.

Eren and Zeke prioritize their mission so deeply that they might as well be strangers, no matter how often they refer to each other as brothers. Of course it’s a disaster.

The audience has been waiting for Eren’s side of this story for years, because we’ve watched him grow up. We’ve watched him struggle and triumph and lose himself, and none of that was enough to establish the train of thought that led to these choices that Zeke is so proud of him for making, so it’s been a known thing to us that he’ll have some sort of eventual reveal (which we’re still waiting on; this chapter just does us the favor of confirming that we are waiting).

Zeke wants to confirm Eren’s mindset before they kick things off, since he has the luxury of time in this space.

He never bothers to confirm Eren’s thoughts out in the living world. Not actively. Eren lies, and Zeke lets it pass as enough.

These two never try to help each other. They use each other up.

Zeke can swear to be there for Eren, can swear to set him free, but he does not see who his brother is, and Eren, knowing exactly what kind of person Zeke is, chooses to ignore that in favor of playing the long con.

They fail.

They fail their family by failing to see them as such, and so fail every other task they sought to accomplish.

The story’s forcing them to deal with that now, since they have so much time, but it is so easy to see why this happens. They’re desperate, and they grab their lifelines, and they decide that if there’s something wrong, it can wait.

In the metaphor, that’s fine. They need to stop drowning.

But they see each other as a lifeline before they see each other as siblings.

Grisha sees Zeke as a tool before he sees him as a son.

The same mistakes, over and over.

Some more familiar than others.

We’ve reached the above thing.

What I’m referencing is that really, all through this chapter my only concrete thought was Eren looks a lot like Frieda. Naturally not greatly evident in the shot that’s actually relevant to why I’m bringing it up. Why should I get nice things.

Like. A lot. To the point where it starts to feel intentional, not the result of my brain linking everything back to the Reiss lands. Eren’s hair doesn’t part like Grisha’s or Carla’s, and conveniently we’ve got the comparisons readily available. He has Frieda’s. The young woman his father took the Founding Titan from.

After a long series of consensual (with heavy sarcastic quotes, yes, but putting that aside for the moment) sacrifices, Frieda and Eren are the first in recent history to have their consent overridden. Frieda’s ripped to pieces by Grisha, and has her family slaughtered by him. Hours later, understanding nothing of either Titan he’s inheriting, Eren takes up the mantle.

Eren first sees Frieda through her eyes, looking in a mirror, and I absolutely know I’m reading too much into this, but give me a sec of indulgence. I rarely get to talk about Frieda in these posts.

Frieda, the one who Eren really does look bizarrely like, is Zeke’s foil.

In the two shots above, we have an older half-sibling using their powers to convince their younger sibling to see the world they want them to.

Zeke’s having his difficulties, but Frieda has none.

Frieda has a loving relationship with her little sister, and touches her head to Historia’s gently.

Zeke bashes his head to Eren’s forcefully.

Frieda loves Historia. She has no reason but love to come and pay her visits. She helps her learn to read, she rides horses with her, and provides her company.

Historia has all those memories taken away. Their relationship only exists on Frieda’s terms until five years after Frieda’s death.

In an attempt to keep this post from turning into me shouting about how the Reiss family is symbolic of the manga as a whole, and Historia needs to come back and rightfully re-dethrone Eren as the main protagonist, I’ll be brief:

Frieda screws Historia up.

She adores her little sister, but in a world without Frieda, Historia is left with neglect and an overwhelming sense that no one wants her to be alive. Frieda routinely takes away the memories that prove that belief wrong. For complicated reasons that a teenager shouldn’t be expected to handle, but Historia’s problems are still actively exacerbated by Frieda forcing her will on Historia.

Eren has more say in what his brother’s trying to pull, thanks to his own plot magic, but we see the problem, with the same dynamic.

Zeke loves Eren.

He can’t see past his view of the world to see Eren well enough to try to do what’s best for Eren.

This is not a collaboration. It’s two people fiercely opposed who have put that argument off until the last possible second rather than approach one another as equals.

Eren’s head is blown off. He’s due to be dead.

Zeke is still trying to rescue him from his own free will.

Love without respect is useless. It’s what turns the emotion selfish.

Idiots.

I’m torn on what this chapter means for future chapters, because I don’t see how Eren and Zeke are moving past this roadblock without finally dealing with the issues that landed them here, aaaand theoretically that means that Eren’s plan wins.

I guess we get to look forward to what that means if that’s the case.

But Eren’s head is still kind of. Not. On his body.

Which makes me think that whatever decision makes it out of Inception, it’s probably going to be one that alters the reality they’re playing with, and that is really hard to do satisfyingly.

Those are problems for another month, though.

I have trouble calling this chapter good, because a lot of it is. well, what did you expect when you chose to do things like this? There’s some satisfaction in the fact that the characters are truly being respected as the numbskulls they’ve behaved as, but that does little to make the overall situation better.

Thankfully, emotional flashbacks pander to my needs directly, so this will be a satisfying trainwreck, but, uh.

Yeah.

Local siblings don’t listen to each other on family roadtrip down memory lane, feat. apocalypse in the background. That is the chapter.

It needs to be drawn as the Renaissance painting it clearly is in spirit.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 120 #Zeke Yeager #Eren Yeager #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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unofficialkfamtranscripts · 5 years ago

Text

King Falls AM - Episode Eleven: Ringin’ Hell’s Doorbell

View on Google Docs

Summary: October 1, 2015 - After an unexpected listener call-in, the boys find a cassette tape in the mail and listen live as an adventure unfolds from one of King Falls less-friendly hiking trails.

[podcast intro music]

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy Welcome back, everyone. The time is 4:44AM here at King Falls AM.

Ben It’s a slow night. You wanna do… weather and traffic?

Sammy It’s warmin’ up! And if there’s traffic at this ungodly hour, we got problems.

Ben *snickers* Got that right, Sammy! Uh, before we go back to the phones in a sec, I’ve got an email I’d like to read you. I think you’ll get a kick out of this. [definitely smirking]

Sammy Oh! Well, very cool. Alright, whatcha got?

Ben [eager] So, you know I wrote the producers of Mission Apparition, right?

Sammy … No. What are you talkin’ about?

Ben Yes you do. It’s that brain tumor of a show on Channel 13?

Sammy I-I- I know the show, Ben! I’m saying I didn’t know you wrote them.

Ben Dude. You’re gonna love it. I emailed trying to get them booked as guests so we could tear them apart. *snicker*

Sammy Well, I mean, they did keep the lights on a few weeks back, running an ad, of course. [not hopeful] So, please don’t tell me you got confrontational?

Ben If telling the truth about their staged scares counts as confrontational, then… [smug] I totally did.

Sammy Okay, so you accost a paid sponsor of King Falls AM; please continue…

Ben *excited laughter* Okay, let me read this to you. “Dear Sammy,”- [aside] sorry, you— left your station email up.

Sammy Uh-huh.

Ben “Dear Sammy, We at Mission Apparition are extremely sorry! you feel the show is “Overly Produced” and not “true to the nature of actual distressed spirits.” In actuality, Dan and Larry are two of the most highly trained professionals in this field. While we appreciate constructive criticism, name-calling just isn’t needed. If you have any real suggestions to make the show better, please let us know.”

Sammy Ben. [resigned] What did you call them?

Ben Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I wrote them back, and they’re going to be shooting a future episode- of the show- in King Falls.

Sammy No way!

Ben I said “we have many fine spectral establishments here.” The gauntlet was thrown down and they took the bait.

Sammy As much as I hate to say this, you’re gonna get to see the Mission Apparition guys in a real situation at least.

Ben Oh yeah. [stoked] I’m not sure which to offer up the old Slaughter House off Cottontail Hollow or the library.

Sammy I’m not gonna make a you’re-trying-to-impress-Emily comment here, because I know that that place is chock full of activity.

Ben Exactly.

Sammy But… [semi-muttered] You are trying to impress Emily.

Ben *deep breath* Whatevs. K-ca- Okay, get this though! After I told them I was co-host of a late-night AM talk show? they asked if I’d like to come on set so I can get an interview live.

Sammy Well, book it! Make it happen!

Ben Done and done.

Sammy But please stop using my email.

Ben No promises.

Sammy Alright folks, after that exciting announcement, we’re gonna open up the phone lines to you, our dear listeners. And, uh, Ben? You got a topic?

Ben *tsk* I absolutely do, but you can’t have it until a touch after the 5 o’clock hour, Sammy.

Sammy You heard the man, ladies and gents. It’s a bonafide free-for-all for the next ten minutes or so. Give us a call 424-279-3858.

Ben Or hit us up on twitter @kingfallsam

Sammy Lucky Line 1, you’re live with Sammy and Ben.

Line 1 [deep, nasally, almost bestial voice] Uh, yeah… *heavy breathing, smacking lips* Did you check the mail? Heh

Sammy [mildly sarcastic] Maybe once or twice in my lifetime, uh, do you have a topic? Or is this Ted Kaczynski[1] calling from prison?

Line 1 Uh… you’ll have a topic sooon… heh… [ominous click, dial tone]

Ben Yoouu know I should go take a look in our mail slot now, right?

Sammy [exasperated] Don’t.

Ben It’s a verbal triple-dog-dare! I’ll be right back.

Sammy *sighs* One day, it’s just gonna be a head. I just know it. Line 5, welcome to King Falls AM.

[ominous music]

Line 5 [voice is male, higher pitched, and very nervous] Oh, I got through! Sammy?! I- I need to speak with you in private. Please!

Sammy Iii’m gonna be a little bit sir- we just came back from break. But I’m happy to talk about whatever.

Line 5 We really can’t talk about this on the air. Ehh *nervous breathing* It’s about… wwel-I- *quick sigh* - I really don’t wanna say too much, but— I sent you a text message about, uh…ohh…a month or so back? We need to speak! It’s incredibly urgent!

Sammy Sir, I get a lot of texts over the course of a month.

Line 5 W-well- we can’t talk about this on the air.

Sammy Who am I speaking with?

Ben [returning] We have mail, Sammy!

Line 5 [almost whispered] I turned the power back on…

Ben Mr. Thompson?

Probably Mr. Thompson Err— no! [click, dial tone]

Sammy Hello? Sir?

Ben What was that about? [laughing slightly] I swear that dude sounded just like my old science professor.

Sammy Can you get a number on line 5, Ben?

Ben … Yeah! Yeah… uh, in a minute! Look at this!

Sammy *laugh* Is that a cassette tape?

Ben Yeah. No letter— just a tape. It’s labeled “D.D.” [eager] We should play this.

Sammy I hope it’s Duran Duran.

Ben I’ll just stick this in… heeere.

Sammy Uh, do you think we should listen to that first? I know you got a trigger finger on the dump, but…

Ben [smugly] You’re looking at the fastest finger in the tri-state.

Sammy You know, there’s a dirty joke there that, for our friendship, I’m just gonna cruise- right on past.

Ben Where’s the play button on this hunk’a junk? Merv, why do we have a cassette player in the studio?! It’s 2015.

Sammy I think you know why.

Ben [hands rubbing together] I’m excited! [sounds of tape being inserted in the player]

Sammy You better be payin’ attention. I don’t want to hear one –

[TAPE PLAYS]

Lance [heavy Australian accent, narrating like a documentary] “This is Lance McCord checking in. I’m about 5 kilometers off the Stealth Ridge Trail now. It’s heavily wooded and just getting thicker.”

[stop click]

Sammy Do you know this guy? “Lance”?

Ben Never heard of him. But if the “R” word was politically correct for broadcast? I’d totally use it for him right now. That trail is like the boonies within the boonies.

[play click]

Lance “So far so good. I was- I was a bit worried with all the tall tales surrounding the ‘Devil’s Doorstep.’ I guess that’s why I’m talking to you; tracing my steps. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary. I have noticed a lack of wildlife and birds, to be this far in the bush.”

[stop click]

Ben … There is no way.

Sammy “The Devils Doorstep”?

Ben Definitely the R-word— or has a death wish! Or both!

Sammy Where is this place?

Ben [reluctant] It’s north of King Falls. It’s a dark-ass set of woods. Obviously, this guy isn’t from around here because he’d know you don’t even talk about it, much less go there.

Sammy Ominous…

Ben And We Don’t joke about it.

Sammy [challenge accepted] It sounds so inviting, The Devil’s Doorstep. What kind of Welcome Mat do you think the Dark Lord picks out? Do you think he has a “NO SOLICITING” sign?

Ben Stop it. I know you laugh about stuff like this, but… Don’t.

[play click]

[eerie siren-like singing in bg]

Lance “Right, about 30 minutes from my last check in. My mobile has lost signal. It- looks like it’s just you and me, pal. I lost a little bit of, uh, time. I got turned around a few minutes back. All the paths are starting to look really similar, so, it’s hard to… [ominous chant-singing in bg. there’s static/rustling/indistinct whispers that fades in and out] Still no wildlife. I don’t know if any men or women have ever stepped where I’m stepping. I kind of like that.”

[stop click, siren song stops]

Sammy Did you hear something there?

Ben NOPE! NO SINGING.

Sammy I didn’t say singing. I said something.

Ben I didn’t hear anything!

[play click]

[static or whispers in bg]

Lance “It’s getting colder now. Darker. That or my- mind is playing the tiniest of tricks on me. Voices, singing— whispers. It’s, uh– it’s head games. [siren song begins] Nothing’s gonna stop me from making it to the gate.”

[stop click]

Ben I think that’s enough.

Sammy Ben, honestly. “Gate?” I’m not following here. You’re the expert, what’s he looking for? Or- or why’s he even looking for it?

Ben COMMERCIAL TIME! Let’s do this…

[“exciting” sports channel music]

Announcer [Mexican accent] Weekdays! 6 to 9 AM, Listen to the Hector el Chavo Show! The fastest growing show in the fastest growing demographic in the tri-state area! On King Falls Deportes! AM. Every week, Hector el Chavo discusses your favorite sports with your favorite players! Don’t miss out this week. Monday we talk to Big Pine Striker, Javier Rancor. Tuesday we’ll talk to Saddle Creek midfielder, Jorge Carpe-Gutierrez! And Friday we talk to King Falls Goalie Bubba “Super Gringo” Wallis! Tune in to Hector el Chavo Show, King Falls Deportes on 730AM. Your sports capital for goal!!!

[KFAM theme music]

Sammy And welcome back to King Falls AM that’s 660 on the radio dial. We’ve just been listening to a tape we received anonymously. Apparently, there’s a hiker out adventuring in—

Ben [desperately, voice breaking] LINE 8, you’re live.

Finn Ooh boy! Things are getting tense on that tape, y’know?!

Ben Forget the tape! Ha-how-how’re you doing, Finn? Is everything— still intact?

Finn Doin’ swell, just swell! [scratching sounds]

Ben You okay there, Finn?

Finn Oh sorry! Didn’t think you’d pick that up. I’ve just been scratchin something awful the past couple weeks. I got in some poison oak, or— something – I don’t know!

Sammy Glad to hear you’re doing well, after…

Finn *growling* [scratching continues]

Ben [apprehensively] … You got a travel buddy with you tonight, Finn?

Finn Oh, no. [horn in bg] Just got cut off going down the highway, here. [muttered] Lousy drivers… [almost shouting] we got three other lanes y’know! [distracted] Ahh! Look at the food billboards!

Sammy Okaaay. Um, what’s on your mind tonight buddy?

Finn Ah, just callin’ in to say hi… that sorta thing. Plus, this story? Wooweee, who is this guy? Have you talked about this place before? I don’t think I heard you mention it… Uhh, I don’t think…

Ben Because we don’t, Finn.

Finn Spoooky stuff, fellas!

Sammy Yeeaah… I don’t know if you were–

Finn *howls loudly*

Ben I- I’m sorry. Yyou gotta keep your pup- quiet.

Finn [confused] Pup? No doggy here! Just you two fellas- and mee, rolling down the rooaad.

Sammy You don’t have a dog with you, Finn?

Finn Couldn’t if I wanted to. I’m allergic. [scratching]

Ben Are… are you feeling okay? Did you ever get checked out after that night you hit that… were— dog?

Finn What?! I wouldn’t lay hands on a pooch! Are you feelin’ alright, Ben?

Sammy *laugh* He’s talkin’ about the dog you accidentally hit awhile back. Uh, y-you got out to check on it and the call dropped off?

Finn Uh… Naooo, wasn’t me. Y’know, I think I’d remember somethin’ like that! [honking in bg, sound of semi passing] Dammit all, I gotta go, boys. Can’t scratch, drive, and talk at the same time. Finish that tape, it’s givin’ me the willies!

Ben Stay awake and- stay safe, Finn… Make a doctor’s appointment!— maybe…

Sammy Or a vet…

Finn *chuckles* Oh, you two! I’ll catch you later. *loud howl*

[click, dial tone]

Sammy Now, Ben. You know- I love what you do on this show. I wouldn’t wanna do this with anybody-else… BUT. I’ve got a tiny issue with you cutting to unscheduled breaks during conversations.

Ben [innocently] Did that happen? I’m so sorry, I just… I’m so interested in—

Sammy In doing everything but playing that tape. You got us all interested now, man. You gotta follow through.

Ben Okay– [definitely not having fun] it was fun! but I think we should just forget about it.

Sammy Impossible.

Ben S-sit down, don’t—

[play click]

Lance [wind gusting] “There’s no doubt that something is, uh, keeping me away from the gate at this point. [siren song in bg] My- watch has just stopped working, so I don’t know what time it is. I can’t really see the sun from the thickest overhangs to tell… I checked my compass [sing-chanting in bg] to ensure I was… [rustling] WHAT THE?” [creepy sing-chanting intensifies]

Super Creepy Whisper Voice “TURRRN. BAAACK. NOOOW.”

Lance “My fu[bleep]ing compass- is literally spinning like a top! There’s EVIL in these woods! You can feel it- in the air! It’s palpable!”

[stop click]

Sammy Ben! Don’t be mad!

Ben [seriously upset] We shouldn’t be playing this! This isn’t a joke, man! This is a tape that probably needs to go to the proper authorities! I’m gonna google Missing Persons.

Sammy Look, I’m not against that. But let’s finish this up, and at the very least talk to me. Tell us a little bit about the woods.

Ben If- if I tell you, will you stop playing the damn tape?

Sammy Absolutely! Help fill these last minutes until your actual topic of discussion arrives.

Ben *heavy sigh* The path, Lance is on, is called Stealth Ridge. It’s about a five-mile round-trip hike up north in- Perdition Wood.

Sammy You guys really know how to name things here.

Ben *deep breath* Okay, supposedly— as in, “legend-has-it” kind of talk, way off the beaten path— I mean WAY off, as in nobody’s ever seen it— is what he’s looking for. A cave called… [reluctant] “The Devil’s Doorstep”

Sammy Uh-huh.

Ben [agitated] Put two and two together here- Sammy! It’s an entrance to the gates of hell! Many people have went out looking for it! None have ever found it— SOME never return.

Sammy [softly] Have you been up there, Ben?

Ben Once…

Sammy And?

Ben Are you serious?! HELL NO, I haven’t been! I’m not crazy like Crocodile Dundee[1] on that tape.

Sammy I mean, he’s gotta be okay, right? The tape made it here! [getting nervous] I-it could’ve been him who dropped it off in our mail and called tonight! Right?

Ben This was fun for a minute, now it’s just massively creepy. Let’s move— [play click] SAMMY!

Sammy Du- you’re looking at me! I didn’t push the button!

[siren song]

Lance “It is so cold. [wind gusting] I’ve des-scended a great deal from the initial crest- of the ridge it seems … I saw what appeared to be—”

Super Creepy Whisper Voice “LAASST. WAARRNING. MORRTALLL.”

Ben TURN IT OFF!

[click of buttons being pressed on tape player]

[rustling/cracking in bg]

Lance “What the F[bleep] is that?!”

Sammy [sarcastically] Good job!

Ben Alright it won’t stop. Unplug it! I’m not kidding.

Sammy It is unplugged!

[creepy sing-chanting starts, chilling scream]

Lance *breathing hard* “It’s after me! … [calmer] Umm, I- I don’t know what that was. [song/chant continues in bg] I’m heading to the lip of this cove, here. I think I’m just gonna- wait it out- u-until morning. I’m wet, cold– I, uh, caught my jacket in the bush. I’m bleeding— Jesus… My, uh- my phone is missing. God dammit. It really is just you and— [rustling/cracking]

Super Creepy Not-Whisper Voice MEEE!!!

Lance “No! [impact noise] Help me!!” [sound of running, anguished scream from Lance]

[sing-chanting continues]

[KFAM outro music]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Crocodile Dundee - Crocodile Dundee is a series of action comedy films centered around a crocodile hunter from the Australian Outback named Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee.

#king falls am #king falls #kfam #sammy stevens #Ben Arnold #kfam transcripts #kfam ep11 #mr. thompson #finn the truck driver

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chid-sen-gan-blog · 6 years ago

Text

My Thoughts on GoT 8.01 (“Winterfell”)

So, this is late, but I watched S8, E1 (”Winterfell”) with my Dad and Brother and had some thoughts (these thoughts are from my first time viewing it, but I was too insecure to post them until a magnificent mutual of mine suggested it).

Spoilers, but the warning might be irrelevant by now. Featuring running commentary from my family because they’re amazing.

So, maybe I’m alone, but I’m not that fond of the new opening. Sorry, it just looks cheaper to me than the old one somehow, even though I read somewhere that more money was spent on it

That child climbing a tree gave my entire family and I some serious Bran/Arya nostalgia, as did that Baratheon theme

Arya’s little smile when she saw Jon half filled me with joy, and also half broke my heart. So much has happened since they last saw eachother. So fricking much

Arya looking at the Hound in a parallel to S1, E1 has been found

Non-verbal Gendrya is life

Oh, yay, an obligatory manhood joke to start off the season. Ugh. You know, I’m really tired of them at this point.

So......... can somebody remind me why Tyrion is even here anymore? And how he became the least interesting remaining Lannister by far?

Missandei and Grey Worm’s little “wow, they hate us” look is honestly the best thing. To quote my Brother: “Finally, two people that can take a hint”

Dany is upset at people not kissing her boots - shocker. Look, sweetie, it’s been a rough couple of years for the Northerners. Not to mention the last time they had a Targ in power he burned their liege lord and had his heir strangled. And that Targ was your father. So no duh they’re skeptical

Yeeeeeeaaaaah... I don’t think giving a good portion of the people you’ve supposedly come to “save” heart attacks with your WMD children is the best way to establish you’re a “great” ruler

SHE SMIRKED THAT LITTLE --!!!

(And the camera lingered on said smirk, hmmm, wonder why...)

Just a little over ten minutes into the episode and I’ve already reached new levels of Dany hatred

Entrance to the Winterfell courtyard parallel to S1, E1 spotted

Jon riding in and seeing Bran is making me cry. Like, the last time he was riding towards a family member was with Rickon, the only “sibling” (aside from Sansa) he thought he had left - only for Rickon to die moments before he reached him. And here’s Bran, his “brother” who he thought was dead up until recently, sitting there alive and (mostly) well, and I just... *sobs uncontrollably*

Compare and contrast how happy Jon is to see Bran vs. how “who cares?” he was when finding out he was alive in S7 and tell me that political!Jon isn’t real. Tell me

... I thought we were supposed to get non-robo-Bran this season, but, so far, I don’t see it

My Dad is honestly cheering because Bran’s looking at Dany all creepily. He’s just thrilled someone’s giving her some variation of the stink-eye

That Jon and Sansa hug is not the same one that was released, and I’m a little disappointed. Let Jon give bear hugs to his entire family 2k19

Sansa/Ned parallels from S1, E1 and I’m loving it

Dany is literally the embodiment of all her stans who thought she and Sansa would be besties and braid eachother’s hair. Sansa is the rest of us who knew better

Bran cutting straight to the point adds years to my life

Sansa running things is my aesthetic

Dany seriously didn’t sit down till Ned Umber called her “my queen” and I’m rolling my eyes. So what if I’m too critical? I’m bitter

I love Jon getting called out if political!Jon isn’t real, but I’m honestly tired of Lyanna Mormont at this point. Sorry, unpopular opinion

......................... is it just me, or has Tyrion become a lot less smart in recent seasons?

Wait until they find out who burnt the loot train * snicker snicker*

Sansa asks practical questions. Dany replies with an answer that basically gives the green light for eating innocent civilians. But, sure, Sansa’s a jerk

My Dad doesn’t even like Sansa and he’s scoffing that Dany couldn’t hold a candle to her when it comes to ruling

Yep, Tyrion’s become a lot less smart. I was right

Bran being creepy is actually great when it’s directed towards Dany and her team

Awwwwwww... Jon and Arya. Don’t screw this up for me, please...

Parellel to Ned/Catelyn in the Godswood in S1, E1, I believe

Seriously, Jon is ecstatic to see his little “sister”. Don’t tell me he would’ve reacted with nonchalance to the news of her being alive if political!Jon isn’t true. Don’t even dare

Am I the only one who’s a little heartbroken that Jon is actually surprised that Arya still had Needle?

So....... I think that “Sansa thinks she’s smarter then everyone” comment was supposed to be an awkward joke. So therefore, I’m not going to get angry

STARK SISTERS AS A UNITED FRONT! YES!!! NED, YOU WOULD BE SO PROUD!!!

Yeah, Jon, don’t forget. I believe in you

I imagine everyone’s probably going to be really angry with Jon, but I kind of feel badly for him. He seems so insecure about everything in this episode. If the parentage reveal happens here, too, I’m a little worried how he’ll take it

My Brother pointed out that Jon’s homecoming in this episode kind of mirrors Jaime’s in S4 and I’m honestly living for it

I missed Cersei. I really did

I missed Yara, I really did

I didn’t miss Euron, not a bit

Wow, the Red Keep feels so lonely and I think that’s the vibe the showrunners were going for. Kudos if it was

Cersei seriously has some of the best lines and Lena Headey is brilliant in her delivery

Euron... yeah. Dude needs help

Oh, so that’s what happened to Ed Sheeran and co. Time to get started on my “I See Fire” tribute

Little parallel to Tyrion in the brothel with Bronn from S1, E1

“Which girl?” Poor Bronn in a world without modern medicine

Um, excuse me, but if you even think of using that crossbow I’ll make sure that Ser Bronn of the Blackwater becomes black and blue

Someone get Cersei her elephants

Okay, so what’s up with the pregnancy? Was it a hoax, or something else...?

THEON!!! Finally stepping up! Finally!

So... anyone else thinking that Yara believes Dany sent Theon to rescue her and that’s why she’s still loyal to this dragon brat?

Tyrion is on and I’m ignoring him.

Davos nooooooooooooo. No marriages!!!

I see you, Varys. I see you showrunners. Nothing lasts, indeed... *laughs evilly*

Aw, what happened to Dany and Sansa braiding eachother’s hair again?

I’m angry at Jon for not defending Sansa. Really. But how much could he actually have done without spelling potential doom for the North? Littlefinger didn’t have dragons. Dany does.

OKAY, NO. THAT WAS A THREAT. A FRICKIN’ THREAT. AND MY FAMILY AND I ARE NOT OKAY WITH IT!!!!!!!!!

........... the dragons are barely eating? Barely? And just how many Northerners could those 29 goats and sheep have fed?

“Um, Dany, giving Jon a dragon might be the dumbest thing you’ve done yet” - My Wonderful Dad

“And that’s saying something” - My Wonderful Brother

Wow, Dany doesn’t give two cents about Jon’s consent. Shocking

Wow, Dany doesn’t give two cents about Rhaegal’s consent. Actually shocking

So... if no one knows how to ride a dragon until they do and you’ve already ridden one so therefore know, give the guy some pointers

Haha you might die. Isn’t that adorable?! *sarcasm sarcasm*

POINTLESS SCENE ENSUES

That boy kept his eyes open, honey. That’s not a good thing.

Drogon and Bran should have a staring contest. My money’s on Bran

(scratch that, my money’s on Jaime and Brienne whenever they see eachother)

Ugh. How many manhood jokes are we going to have before this season’s over?!?!

So... the Hound and Arya’s reunion was kind of underwhelming, imo

Gendrya awwwwww.

Ooh, new weapon. Wonder what it does.

“You don’t know any other rich girls” - Arya // “And with you around he never will.” - My Wonderful Dad

Interesting point my Brother made about Lord Glover always being that guy never wanting to join the fight

Oh, Jon. If political!Jon is true, then stop handling this all on your own. Heck, even if it’s not. Your family is strong as steel. Trust them

Not sure if it’s intentional, but this scene kind of brings to mind shades of Ned and Catelyn in S1, E1 when discussing Ned becoming Hand of the King

Sansa is not helping those vibes. Oh, boy

“Why does everyone who claims Dany will be a good queen sound less like they believe it and more like they’re trying to convince themselves it’s true?” - My Wonderful Brother

SAM!!! MY DEAR CINNAMON ROLL!!! I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!

Oh, shoot. Is this the Tarly reveal? I don’t think an “it was necessary” is going to work this time...

WOW. She didn��t even try to explain her actions. This somehow makes it far worse for me...

Jorah looking guiltier is actually unsettling

You made Sam cry, Dany. The gloves are off. You’re officially irredeemable in my books

Um, has no one wheeled Bran in yet? Like, he’s just been sitting there?

“Waiting for an old friend”? Is it Jaime? It’s got to be Jaime. Wonder if they’ll save the reunion for the end because more parallels

PARENTAGE REVEAL!!! PARENTAGE REVEAL!!!!!!!!

Jon looks so tired all the time in this episode, even with his family. Even if political!Jon isn’t real, Dany certainly isn’t doing him any wonders. And if you say she is, you’re not really watching the show

Awwww, Jon and Sam together again! And Jon is just as happy to see him as his “siblings”! My heart...

“So, are we ever going to find out if Little Sam’s alright, or...?” - My Wonderful Dad

Jon’s reaction to the burning of Sam’s dad and brother is kind of weak, but I”m hoping we get some more of his wrath directed at the source of this fiasco (Dany)

No, Jon. You and Dany aren’t alike in any way. Case and point - how you’ve been talking about how titles don’t matter every two seconds of this episode, while she was about to threaten your “sister” for not “respecting” her. See the difference, sweetie?

PREACH, SAM! PREACH!!!

Um... it probably would’ve been better to lead with Ned’s wasn’t your father than Lyanna’s your mom, but other than that, you’re doing great, Sam

A man from the south tells his northern best friend with a man-bun some game-changing news in a crypt. Sam-Jon, Robert-Ned parallel from S1, E1 achieved

I’m going to take a moment to appreciate how Kit subtly incorporated and conveyed each of the five stages of grief in this scene

“It’s treason”/”It’s the truth”. I mean, maybe it’s just me, but Jon seems almost terrified to hear this news. Which tells me he’s well-aware of how Dany could react to it. Which tells me he’s not as daft as he’s letting on.

“You gave up your crown to save your people. Would she do the same?” Sam knows what’s up and I love him all the more for it

“No, no she wouldn’t” - My Wonderful Dad, Brother, and Less-Wonderful I all at the same time in response to Sam’s query

The score in the back, “Winter is Here”, when “Truth” might’ve been a more ironic, dramatic option - like with the last reveal. Hmmm. I see you, Ramin Djawadi. I see you

Edd! Beric! Tormund! Still stand by the idea that at least one of you should’ve died for emotional weight, but I’m glad to see you.

Okay. The blue eyes joke got a chuckle out of me, I admit

Child nailed at their torso thanks to white walkers parallel to S1, E1 achieved

Ned Umber opening his eyes seriously made me jump and I was expecting it

Child who is actually is a white walker nailed at their torso by white walkers parallel to S1, E1 achieved

And now I’m deaf. Thanks, Ned Umber

“Hey, don’t you think that creepy art piece kind of resembles the Targ sigil?” - My Wonderful Brother before the piece was set on fire

“Hey, now it really does.” - My Wonderful Brother after the piece was set one fire

A rider riding into town and I think I know who it is...

JAIME!!!!!!! *has meltdown because he’s my second favorite character, okay?*

My Wonderful Dad and Brother are just as hyped as I am. Bless them.

Jaime taking off headwear and looking around Winterfell parallel to S1, E1 spotted

Is it just me, or does he actually look happy to be there? I mean, you’d think he’d be more uncertain...

Oh, there’s the uncertainty

Jaime and Bran ending off the episode on a cliffhanger parallel to S1, E1 unlocked

#gots8e1spoilers #dark!dany #anti daenerys #anti jonerys #anti targ restoration #i stand with dickon #sorry it's so long #poilitcal!jon musings #you have been warned #sorry about potential typos and incoherencies

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marshmallowgoop · 5 years ago

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Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Ryuko Episodes 1-4)

I don’t think I have anything really constructive to say.

Episode 1

Well, okay, that’s not true.

My biggest complaint about these episodes—and especially this first one—is that the repeated cutscenes are kind of a drag. I feel like there are definitely ways to make the same events from a different perspective more engaging than this. Much of Ryuko’s episode 1 is literally just the same exact content from Satsuki’s story with absolutely no differences at all.

But that said, I did quite enjoy what was different.

Of course. It’s me.

To avoid going straight to the obvious examples, I still love these stylish opening sequences. The black silhouettes against the red is such a great aesthetic.

And, uh. I definitely inwardly squealed about what Senketsu says in this introduction....

Senketsu: Then... due to fate, or perhaps coincidence... Ryuko acquires Kamui Senketsu. She returns to the academy, but this time, she has an ally...

Yes she does have an ally (sob).

Lol at “or perhaps coincidence,” though. Suuuuure, Senketsu. Sure.

And yeah, I know. It didn’t take me long to get to the obvious examples. What can I say. I love them.

Seriously, fair warning, but practically everything I’m gonna write about this episode—and the following three—is mostly just gushing about these kids. Repeating the cutscenes sure felt tedious, but seeing more dialogue shared between Ryuko and Senketsu made the experience worth it.

Yes, I am so desperate that any interaction between them is pretty much A++++ for me.

I do have to say that their first conversation is... pretty curious, though. (And I’m not sure how I feel about Senketsu moving all weird when he’s talking, which... didn’t really happen in the anime.)

Ryuko: What’s wrong, Senketsu?

Senketsu: Doesn’t something feel... off?

Ryuko: Nah, I feel great. Better than usual, actually.

Senketsu: Odd. To me, it feels as though time has been... compressed. What’s even more strange is that after all those battles, you’re not even winded.

Ryuko: For a bunch calling themselves the Elite Four, I guess they’re not as big a deal after all.

Senketsu: No. It’s not so much that they’re weak. Perhaps you’re just too strong.

Ryuko: Let’s talk about it later, Senketsu. It’s time to deal with the boss bitch.

First off, it comes up later throughout these episodes, but those with Life Fibers in them seem to sense that something is iffy about time. And that’s actually my second major complaint about these episodes. Everything happens so quickly that nothing really has an impact, and this issue is far more obvious in Ryuko’s story than Satsuki’s because Ryuko arguably has a lot more dramatic events happening all at once: losing to Satsuki, discovering who killed her father and getting Senketsu torn up as a result, beating Nui in battle so badly that she’s convinced she put Nui down for good (which, again, uh), and then repairing Senketsu and agreeing to help Satsuki... I mean, in the anime, stuff like this took more than several episodes to happen, and here, everything goes down in like a half hour.

While I can appreciate that there is seemingly going to be some sort of justification for this breakneck speed—and if I could hazard a guess, I’d say it probably has something to do with Ragyo’s comment about how the world in the game is “distorted”—it’s still kinda sad that so much content is rushed through.

But that said, I wonder why Ryuko doesn’t appear to be affected. She’s also a Life Fiber being, but perhaps her Fibers haven’t been “activated” yet? But then, why is she so powerful?

Lots of “hmms” here.

And for more “hmms,” is Ragyo referring to Senketsu here? Or Ryuko? Or both?

Ragyo: Well, well... It seems when one allows their instincts to guide them, they are led to some amusing surprises. I thought the Primordial Life Fiber was reacting to Junketsu. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I wonder if Ragyo realizes that Ryuko is her daughter at this point, but I’m gonna say probably not.

Still, curious stuff.

But to get back to Ryuko and Senketsu, I gotta say that it’s pretty amusing that Satsuki’s side of the story didn’t include any awkward pauses as Ryuko talks to Senketsu, lol. I am glad that they are talking and Satsuki just didn’t hear it, though. One of my first complaints was that there wasn’t enough Senketsu action back when Satsuki’s episode 1 footage dropped.

And, oh, Senketsu, you are ever so perceptive. Still sad we don’t get to see Senketsu/Satsuki bonding in the game....

Senketsu: She could have easily ripped me to shreds if she wanted to. So, why didn’t she finish me off when she had the chance?

And last note on this episode, but as much as I love Ryuko and Senketsu, I still want like ten hours of all the characters just talking. Interactions like this crack me the heck up.

Uzu: That Matoi chick’s a tough cookie, all right. But she’s nothing compared to Lady Satsuki.

Nonon: Well, DUH! We don’t need a monkey to tell us that.

Episode 2

Episode 2 is where Ryuko’s story really starts to pick up.

Especially to me. Because a lot of it is just Ryuko and Senketsu talking. Lol.

I don’t really have anything constructive or insightful to say about much of what they talk about, but I definitely have reactions.

Like...

Senketsu: Junketsu is a Kamui just like me. We’re not all that different from one another.

Please don’t say that, Sen. You are very different from Junketsu.

And I love how Ryuko just keeps asking Senketsu what to do in this episode. You really see how much she trusts him as her partner. It is so sweet.

Ryuko: Senketsu. Got any ideas on how to beat her?

Ryuko: Then what should I do?

Well, at least until Ryuko totally ignores his last suggestion there, pfft. Maybe don’t ask if you don’t wanna listen to his answer, Ryuko.

Senketsu: Don’t trust her!

Ryuko: Shut up, Senketsu.

On the subject of Nui, though, the advertising stating that Ryuko “asks Nui to train her” is totally misleading. It’s more like, “Nui taunts Ryuko, and Ryuko is Ryuko, so she doesn’t back down.” Which makes a lot more sense.

I kinda have to have a chuckle at Ryuko’s super blase attitude, though.

Ryuko: Okay, Nui. What do I gotta do to get strong enough to beat Satsuki?

Nui: All you have to do is give up your humanity. There is a chance you’ll die, though. Wanna try it?

Ryuko: Sure. Bring it on.

Senketsu: Ryuko! No!

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll give up my humanity to beat Satsuki.” Oh, Ryuko.

Also, Kill la Kill is basically people going “Ryuko no!” and Ryuko going “Ryuko yes!” and I loved this bit.

Really, there’s just a lot of stuff I loved this episode. Like how Mako is totally not paying attention to any of this...

Or how Nui pulls this giant radio phone thingie from her dress and Ryuko is just like whatever about it omg...

I mean, as much as I would have liked a lot more from this game, this stuff is so charming and lovely that I don’t feel bamboozled or ripped off. After all these years, this is the kinda content I’ve been dying for.

But for a more “insightful” comment, we again get the sense here that there’s something messed up about the timeline. Just like Senketsu, Nui makes note of how strange it is that things are going as quickly as they are.

Episode 3

And aren’t they going quickly! Ryuko and co show up at the Cultural Sports and Grand Festival, and Satsuki has already chopped her mom’s head off. Most of this episode is the same as what happens in Satsuki’s story (but with more Senketsu talking, which I love, of course), so I don’t especially have all that much to say, but I will say that this part got my heart.

Ryuko: Sen... ketsu...!

My kids. I was kinda upset that I didn’t hear Ryuko shout for Senketsu in Satsuki’s story, so needless to say, I was glad to see that she does call for him after all. Even if they haven’t had anywhere near the bonding that they had in the similar point of the anime, she still loves him so much.

Episode 4

I pretty much just have gushing about this episode. Like...

Ryuko: Wait! Senketsu! Where is he?!

Ryuko ain’t got time for hugs! She needs to know her boy is okay!!

She’s so desperate to find him...

Ryuko: Senketsu?! Senketsu! Where are you?!

And so happy when she sees him again...

Ryuko: You’re alive! Thank God!

And then Mako goes on and talks about how tightly Ryuko was clinging to him...

Mako: You were holding onto Senketsu’s scarf super tight.

Agh. My heart.

Just. Them.

Senketsu: Calm down. You can’t fight her in your current state.

Ryuko: Don’t worry. I’m calm. I’m not gonna go nuts again like last time. Promise.

They are so cute.

And funny.

Senketsu: You just said you’d stay calm and here you are not being calm again!

Pfft.

Anyway, my main criticism for the episode, as noted in my first write-up of the game, is that Ryuko apparently is convinced that she killed Nui (which, honestly, isn’t that clear here?) The fact that she doesn’t seem bothered or affected at all—and the fact that Senketsu doesn’t, either!—totally irks me.

But ey, that Shiro repairs Senketsu is great. I was hoping for Shiro and Senketsu bonding in the game because I think Shiro and Senketsu have similar relationships to Satsuki and Ryuko, respectively, and, you know, I almost kinda got it! I’ll take what I can get!

Buuut I’m a little confused. Didn’t Ragyo take part of Senketsu??? Or did I miss something??

Still, this game is just the most charming. Some of these interactions, I swear.

Like...

Ryuko: What do you think, Senketsu?

Senketsu: I find it too fantastic to believe.

Senketsu, you are talking clothes, and you find something too fantastic to believe? Okay, mate.

And I guess this is the justification for not putting Shiro on the roster (sob)...

Shiro: Please. I don’t “do” combat.

And ow...

Ryuko: Man. Satsuki’s family’s messed up.

And Mako is me, lol.

Mako: Yay, it’s Senketsu!

The story of this game is far from perfect, but jeez. I’m so charmed.

#kill la kill #kill la kill the game #klk spoilers #klk: if spoilers #goop plays klk: if #ramblings #shut up goop #loll this is just gushing tbh

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panelshowsource · 6 years ago

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a note about women’s month 💘

thank you to everyone who voted in the fave female panelists poll this year! last year was a blast and this year was even better! we’ve seen more woman on tv this year — and some improved, though grossly insufficient, diversity within that — and i love celebrating that with you everyday!

last year, i wrote this:

the lack of diversity in british comedy is an alarming issue that has only recently become headline news. statistics presented by this study, based on 50 years of panel shows and over 4,700 individual episodes, are beyond disappointing for women (here is an easy-to-read graph by series & by year); similar disappointment stems from the lineups at popular comedy festivals, like edinburgh. in 2014, the head of tv at the bbc promised to end all-male comedy shows, a “step in the right direction” that hasn’t been without fear of tokenism, fair criticism as well as some naysayers. women, people of colour, lgbt peoples, those differently-abled and those all of the above and in between are just as funny as cis-identifying white men and deserve a place on our screens. watch their standup, buy their books, stream their videos, listen to their podcasts, comment on and like their content, follow their social media. this support can directly help women become more visible in british comedy.

in the last year, have you been actively conscious of supporting women in comedy? i’d like to take a moment to talk about some ways you can do that :)

➡ from feminist discourse to tales of humans & their dogs to ghost stories, these women are providing some of the most touching, stimulating, and funny reading coming out of comedy:

How to be Champion: My Autobiography by Sarah Millican

Animal: The Autobiography of a Female Body by Sara Pascoe

The Guilty Feminist: From our noble goals to our worst hypocrisies by Deborah Frances-White

The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever by Isy Suttie

Cheer Up Love: Adventures in Depression with the Crab of Hate by Susan Calman

The More You Ignore Me by Jo Brand

Can't Stand Up for Sitting Down: A Memoir by Jo Brand

Look Back in Hunger: The Autobiography by Jo Brand

Born Lippy: How to Do Female by Jo Brand

Is It Just Me? by Miranda Hart

Peggy & Me by Miranda Hart

Nina Is Not OK by Shappi Khorsandi

A Beginner's Guide to Acting English: A Memoir by Shappi Khorsandi

Spectacles: A Memoir by Sue Perkins

East of Croydon: Blunderings through India and South East Asia by Sue Perkins

Once More, with Feeling: How We Tried to Make the Greatest Porn Film Ever by Victoria Coren Mitchell and Charlie Skelton

For Richer, For Poorer: A Love Affair with Poker by Victoria Coren Mitchell

Dead Funny: Horror Stories by Comedians featuring Sara Pascoe, Katy Brand, and Danielle Ward

...and that’s just to name a handful! my fingers would need a 5 min power nap if i tried typing out all of susie dent’s books 💪

➡ this is a list of a lot relevant active podcasts coming out of britain right now (though it is missing, most notably, off menu). for example, if you liked alice levine on taskmaster, why not listen to her podcast? or watch/listen her on rhlstp? this is such a fun way to get more deeply involved in the comedy of some of your favourite ladies! might i recommend isy suttie’s the things we do for love, anneka harry’s brown bread, or box set go! with nicola stephenson (the newest ep features rebecca front!)? most of these are free, or they can be found/requested at /r/notapanelshow p.s. suzi ruffell, rosie jones, tiff stevenson and more are scheduled to appear on rhlstp this season 😍

➡ here is a list of some radio programmes currently on the air. while it does look stacked with men (because it is), women do feature on so many of these series and absolutely smash it! did you know sandi toksvig hosted the news quiz for almost ten years, and its regular panelists include susan calman, rebecca front, zoe lyons, and more? or that victoria coren mitchell has hosted heresy since 2006 (because there’s nothing she can’t do)? or that sarah millican, jo brand, and sally phillips have each hosted series of the museum of curiosity? these are all on the masterpost! 👏 p.s. you can always search for and/or request more radio shows at /r/panelshow or, if they’re not panel radio shows, /r/notapanelshow :)

➡ social 👏 media 👏 determines 👏 relevancy 👏 do i agree with this system? no. is this the system entertainers are currently slaves to? yes. do you follow your favourite women on twitter, instagram, youtube, etc? one click. one like. one retweet. one reblog. here is a list of some of the comedians i follow on twitter to get you started — all of your faves are on there! when you like something they are on, tweet about it! tag them, the network, the channel, use the hashtags, post pictures! tell channels like dave or people like richard osman who your faves are, who deserves more exposure, who you want to see in the future! we’re already obsessing over how much we like these ladies anyways, so why not make that obsession even more visibile?

➡ we have a really sweet, modest community here of at least 10,000 people. this is not something i’ve ever talked about because i don’t want what i’m going to say to be misconstrued as begging for notes — that is not my concern. but you may have heard people on this site talk about something called the like/reblog ratio. a lot of creators are concerned that, apart from tumblr’s ever-evolving ludicrous algorithms murdering their visibility, people are so obsessed with their blog aesthetics that they’re not actually reblogging everything they like. here’s a couple of my gifset details, one from a nicher post and one from a more popular post:

while i appreciate any notes, numbers likes these aren’t always encouraging. i’m not here to tell you how to enjoy your spare time and interests, or to criticise people who enjoy aesthetic. i just want to point out that if you want someone to be successful, you play a direct part in promoting them and spreading their art. as the years pass, this becomes more and more true. i know how much you all love these ladies — i get messages about them every single day — but it’s a simple fact that a gifset of james acaster or noel fielding or richard ayoade or david mitchell is going to get more notes than a post about any of the women who placed in the top 5 of this poll. i am not bringing this up to this make anyone feel guilty about what they enjoy; i only hope my mentioning this encourages you to be conscientious when participating on social media, especially when your interest lies in the products of a grossly unjust industry that is taking a lot fucking time to get itself on the right track. more followers on a comedian’s twitter = more work for that comedian, because that’s simply the direction the film & tv industry is going. if your follow yields that much power, why not use it for good?

please support women. if you buy one of their books, please message me and tell me which one! if you think one of them is shining on a radio programme and we’re sleeping on her, please let me know (timestamps appreciated!)! if one starts a gofundme or patreon to start a podcast or a tour, please donate 50p and then send me the link! there is always more we can be doing and we are always underestimating what even smallest amount of support means for their bigger picture. i don’t have all the answers, but i love the feeling i get when i believe society is evolving in the right direction. rose matafeo won the edinburgh comedy award in 2018, and sarah keyworth and kiri pritchard-mclean took the top awards at the 2019 chortle awards. women are here to stay and they’re fucking killing it. because duh ❣️

if you took the time to read this, i appreciate you x

#female top 5 #p #p.s. will post the top 5 results tomorrow and then it's back to our regularly scheduled programming...!

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morethanithoughtofficialblog · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 3: They deserve to be heard too... well. Some of them.

Spoiler: Sans is finally here.

You are welcome.

*Your POV*

After agreeing with Mr. Dreemur and W.D. Gaster, my work partners just watched them go, then they stared at me. Those looks, the hate in their eyes, and their whispers made me uncomfortable. When I'll be able to do something without being criticized.

But at that moment, I didn't care. I nervously laughed, then went to my office to take care of some business, that including the cleaning. It's not as bad as my apartment, but it's not the cleanest place in the world either. And that's how it went; cleaning and typing. Lots of fun, of course.

I arrived at my apartment and... I don't remember clearly what I did. Probably the basic. Or well, maybe not the basic, since I bet I didn't sleep that much.

'Cause after that nap I was eating fucking cereal at 5 am, not to say I was already showered.

"Stupid brain" I muttered, feeling tired yet excited. Today marks the day I sold my soul for the monsters and to show humanity that these creatures aren't freaks. Well, I'm not sure. I haven't met enough, after all.

After eating, I put some makeup in my i-want-to-die-but-not-yet face. Just a bit, since society asks for it. I really hoped it wasn't like this but, hey, I can't change everything! Besides, a lot of girls like makeup, so I feel obligated to at least look "presentable" in that aspect.

And then, my day started. At 5:15 am. Just great.

Since I'm just a young person who's still dealing with college, my money it's not enough to actually buy a car. But hey, I have a bike. And public transport. And that's what I picked.

The underground subway was somehow a quiet place, mostly because everyone's still craving for their beds. I strongly relate to these people, if I'm honest. Everyone's minding their own business, too tired to talk or to make a strong scene.

I silently put my headphones for a bit, listening to those classics of rock. Yeah. This is pretty much my life. Hell, even my ringtone is a rock song, that being "Sweet Child O' Mine" from Guns N' Roses. I was thinking to change it into something more... professional. Then I remembered that nobody should give a damn, so I shrugged it off.

A whole playlist was enough to make the trip more bearable, trying to not lose my adulthood on those legendary guitar solos or in Bon Jovi's wonderful voice. Those little yet powerful details on each song reminded me why I still had faith in this world. And the sign indicating my destination brought me back to reality. I sighed.

I walked a short distance and finally arrived at that living hell called the Congress. Being part of this greedy government it's completely out of my standards, but now, I wasn't regretting it at all.

I took a seat in the non-workers area, looking like I was a mad teenager coming to reclaim her rights. Except, that I was looking pretty calm and patient. I checked quickly my phone and see it was 6:10 am. Oh well. At least I can play Mario Run for a bit; it has been ages since I did.

While a simple yet pretty loading picture showed up on my screen, my mind only had one thought: "What if they decide not to show up?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Frisk's POV* (lol)

I was giving my hair the final touches when I heard Goat Mom shouting my name. I rushed down the stairs and met with everyone- well, almost everyone...

"SANS! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE IF YOU DON'T COME!" Papyrus screamed in a horrified voice, looking at the clock for the thousandth time.

"gimme a sec bro, k?" Sans answered lazily, not even making an effort to raise his voice.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID TEN MINUTES AGO!" Papyrus cried, again, looking at the clock.

And then Sans teleported, wearing the same freaking clothes.

"Are you serious?!" Undyne exclaimed, visibly angry for such a waste of time, then we all rolled our eyes when he just winked and shrugged it off.

"Now that we all are ready, let's go!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, carrying Flowey's pot while I tried to forget that episode with Sans "We are still in good time! We have exactly... HOLY COW! FIVE MINUTES?!"

"welp, shit" Sans muttered like it wasn't his fault, getting some glances from his brother.

"Let's run, then!" Undyne cried out, carrying Alphys and starting to run.

I ran after her, Papyrus with Sans in his shoulders following me. Hell, even Mettaton was running like crazy. We can't miss this opportunity; this is our only chance!

We ran between students and boring workers, most of them with a hint of hate in their eyes. However, there wasn't any time to feel intimidated. God. If humans weren't so inconsiderate, we could have just teleported thanks to Gaster's powers. But nope. They are not allowed to use any freaking magic.

Well, I shouldn't be thinking like this. I need to be positive for everyone's sake. But still, I feel confused. Is this what hormones do? But wait, they only act like this when you are- oh. I'm twelve years old. I somehow forgot.

We ran and ran until we arrived. "Congress", the sign read. The building had an old look, but it seems it was purposefully done that way. The place itself looked pretty boring, so I just secretly prayed to don't fall asleep.

The door was slammed open, and people's stares gave us an uncomfortable welcoming. Sans climbed down of Papyrus's shoulders, realizing how bad it looked.

"*About time you take things seriously" I signed to him, with a teasing smile on his face. He looked like he was about to give me the middle finger until a young lady approached us, with a kind smile on her face.

"Hello," she said sweetly, making me relax for a bit. "My name's (Y/N) (L/N), and I'll be the one helping you through this".

Oh, so she's (Y/N)? I never thought she would be THAT young. She's really pretty, I must say. Bright (e/c) eyes that match perfectly with her skin tone. (h/c) hair not too long neither too short. She was tall, yes, but not a giant. She looked really fine. I wish I look like that at my twenties.

"Hello, Miss (L/N)" My mom intervened my thoughts, bringing me back to reality. "I'm really pleased about your kind behavior. I just hope we won't bother you that much..."

"Nonsense!" she exclaimed with a cheery tone, trying to put any awkwardness aside "I am more than open to receiving all of you in my office. Just follow me, we'll discuss everything more privately upstairs".

She guided us to a place where two elevators remained. Since we were too many people, we had to divide into two groups. Lucky thing there were elevators in the Underground, so this wasn't anything new to anyone.

When she made sure everyone was on the fourth floor (asking us how many we were), she started to guide us through the hallway. Everyone was mumbling while looking at their surroundings, staring at some paintings of famous politicians. Well, I don't think they are that famous. I've only heard of them thanks to my history books and those cringy contests on TV. Like, knowing who was the president at 1895 doesn't make you the smartest kid in class. You are just a freak who talks too much with an old man, mostly being your grandfather.

Suddenly she stopped, then opened a door with the number '486' on it.

"You can come in now" She sighed sheepishly. Wonder why. "Let me know if there aren't enough seats".

The room was quite huge, actually. She had at least ten chairs in front of a dark chocolate desk, that had an intimidating and elegant seat behind it. That must be hers, that's for sure. She had a plaque with her name on top of her desk, a small glass with pens, and a Lenovo laptop. Strangely, she had no photos of her family.

It turns out we had enough seats for everyone, but we all couldn't be in front, so we ended up doing two rows. It looked like a really small cinema. One problem, though, was that Asgore couldn't fit comfortably on his seat.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Dreemurr?" (Y/N) asked worried, watching the embarrassing scene of Asgore shifting into multiple positions. Oh God, why me? Before he or anyone could answer though, she went for her fancy chair and started to move it.

"Oh, Miss (L/N), you don't need to-" He was cut off by the impotent seat in front of him, with a slightly panting girl a few inches away.

"You can seat here, Mr. Dreemurr" She smiled widely, probably 'cause of the King's shocked face. And yes, I just remembered I should think of him as the King. Then, (Y/N) took the other chair. "I'll sit on here, don't worry".

After making that move and putting the big chair in the center, she finally took a seat. She looked insecure for a brief moment but smiled anyway. That kind of reminds me of someone...

"Now that we are all settled up, I guess we can start" She stated. And with that, our talk began...

...

It was less boring than I thought. Yes, she asked us a lot of how life was in the Underground, but none of us seemed to mind. What we mind, though, was Sans's stupid puns which, surprisingly, made her giggle quietly. He seemed to notice this, so he kept them going. It's not like I don't like puns, but this was just too much. (Y/N) didn't seem to bother at any moment, though.

But, hey, everyone felt comfortable. She made some comments now and then, most of them full of irony and sarcasm. It was fun and for a moment we forgot about our problems. It just felt like meeting an old friend again, but that's impossible. I mean, I hadn't met her before, so... yeah.

But, as soon as the conversation started, it ended as well. Everyone shook hands with her, including me.

"*Are we going to see you tomorrow?*" I asked in signs, not thinking at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

"*Are we going to see you tomorrow?*" Frisk signed with a smile that immediately made me feel shivers down my spine. That's not something I see often, that's for sure. Frisk looked at me worried, though. Guess I did some expression that wasn't supposed to be there.

"...sure thing, Frisk," I said, way quieter than I wanted it to be. Quick, change your tone (Y/N)! "We have a lot of work to do, after all!"

She let out a sigh of relief, along with other few. It was a nice feeling. Knowing that they wanted to see me again made me ridiculously happy. And I didn't put it away.

We were already out of the elevator, on the main floor. The sun was setting, painting beautiful colors in the sky, like always. The thing is, monsters couldn't say that before. Heck, some even didn't get the chance to look at this. Whole generations, I bet.

"Miss (L/N), is it okay if we have your number?" Mr. Dreemurr asked, and smiled wider once he probably saw my shocked face. It just caught me so off of guard I didn't have the words. A short skeleton just smirked at my reaction, then I could finally talk.

"S-sure thing!" I exclaimed, which made the skeleton laugh. Just great, I'm being shamed by a skeleton shorter than I am. Way to go, (Y/N).

I reached for my presentation card, and with hesitation, I wrote down my personal number on the back. Wow, it's been ages since I've done that.

"Here it's my business number, and in the back, you can find... m-my personal number" I reluctantly said, knowing it sounded really weird. Why I wrote it down, again?

I looked away slightly, only to notice that skeleton smiling again. Oh no. I swear to God if he says anything weird, I'm going to-

"kinky" he chuckled, containing laughter. I want to kill myself so bad right now.

"SANS, WHAT'S KINKY?!" A taller skeleton asked, and I mentally cringed. And I quickly took note of that name, since it's familiar as fu- oh wait.

"Sans? Like, Comic Sans?" I asked bluntly, forgetting the whole other topic.

"oh, so now catching my name?" he joked with a wink, making me feel worse. "nah, just kidding. but, yeah, that's my name. it's 'catchy', isn't it?"

I sighed, while he just chuckled- again. This Sans guy is making me look bad. And Asgore just watched this whole scene. Great.

"Great! We can add you to our group chat, sweetie!" Mettaton (who I learned their name in the middle of the 'celebrity topic' conversation) winked. What's with the winks today? I feel like they are kink-shaming me (which it's probably what this guy and that skeleton are doing).

"And we'll just call you with the business number if it's something more serious" Mrs. Dreemurr added, obviously unaware of Mettaton's intentions. I gulped. I just hope he doesn't spam me with lewd stuff or something like that. Already happened at high school, and honestly, I feel like an immature teenager again.

Then they all gave their quick goodbyes. Some shooked my hands. Some hugged me. Some smiled. And others even cried.

"Thank you so much for giving us hope." A female (judging by her voice) skeleton said, sobbing quietly on my shoulder. I froze in shock, but I eventually returned the hug.

"It's no problem, believe me" I muttered softly, while a soft smile made its way to my face. "After all, you deserve to be heard too".

#sans x reader #kink shaming xd #jk #sans the skeleton #undertale sans #more than i thought fanfiction

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chut-je-dors · 6 years ago

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Who is chiclettes? I don’t know much about this whole situation but they sound really mean? Are they hating on stories or is it more like harassment? (Sorry I just don’t know a whole lot)

Chiclettes is a person who started commenting on my fic This Is Not Them in July 2017. Previously I had received similar type of comments from an anon called Sevigne_Morris, who then disappeared once Chiclettes made their first appearance, making me suspect they are the same person. Chiclettes seems to have a real problem with fics that differ from their preferred world view ; they really seem to hate all and any fics where Paul bottoms, and usually write near incomprehensible mammoth-length comments. Here is their first comment on This Is Not Them from July :

Hopefully you're feeling better health wise. I know someone that have had vertigo and it isn't a walk in the park but fortunately her episodes have stopped for a longer time so let's hope that the same will happen with you. Another intense chapter but really realistic ? lol. Realistic if it counts Paul's determination and fierce strong work ethics that he applied everywhere and on everything that he pursues during his life. Matter of fact , I think that John is your favorite " not is wrong with that" , as almost all on your fics you described him the strong, the leader, the one that everything and everyone revolves in etc, etc. And Paul the weak, the giggling, the girlish, the histrionic, waiting for strong John to come to his rescue. Hope by the end of this fic Paul's doesn't get hemororroids with all the men's actions he was getting nightly! Anyway you're a great writer!

What I really love about this comment is how they just basically go « Anyway you’re a great writer ! » as if everything they said didn’t leave me mulling and panicking over my characterisation of Paul for the better half of the year. (In case you’re interested in my response to these opinions, it’s here) Chiclettes’ comments tend to narrow down to this idea : “Hello. The fact that your Paul bottoms in this fic means that he’s girlish, and I think Paul was the macho one. John on the other hand was more likely to take it up the arse, here have a bunch of « proof » that I’m ready to repeat in each and every comment I ever leave. Basically you don’t know how to write Paul. Paul showing any kind of emotion is BAD because this makes him a giggly girl, which I don’t like. Blah blah have you read JP Kenwood’s fic ? It is really good. Paul is a macho man.”

(This is heavily stylised. If you want to see how they really write comments, I suggest you check Ten Minutes chapter 3 comment section. That. That there is hell. Me and Puck couldn’t believe our eyes when it just kept happening)

Chiclettes then eventually kind of stopped writing comments to my fics out of me refusing to answer them, but kept referring to me when commenting on Puck’s fics, and on Ten Minutes? Here is what they wrote on Puck’s fic Can You Still Love Me Tomorrow (check out the whole comment to, again, see what the fuck is going on) :

This author (imaginebeatles) from all the Called “ new, younger writers ‘, ones seems before to be one the sweetest, more respectful to them and from her fan base she never ever wrote something like that lines of Paul opening his legs to anyone or have something advertised to it put at his neck to take advantage of him blah, blah before she started yes, collaborate with the other writer, the other writer. Her fan base think she’s getting wrong awful ideas with this collaboration. You don’t, the other writers fans don’t but we do. This writer doesn’t want to acknowledging me now but she has have received complaints from others telling exactly what I expressed here. It is right there at her tumblr and people can read about it. Besides I received lots of emails and I can prove it by people feeling bad about other people like you gang on them and being nasty to them when they don’t agree with people like you and friends from the other writer.

That is when I became The Other Writer™. (That is literally where my blog title comes, since I took this with humour while Puck was seething (she’s scary)) Since then they’ve never referred to me by CJD or anything else, just « the other writer ». Pretty soon after this they stopped interacting with me and Puck, since we refused to engage with her and Puck had to tell them to stop. Since then they’ve commented on 5 Thomas Lane kinda gently, but very often with a confused tone (Like « what does pop mean ? » which is just….. that comment is in chapter 12. Paul has been called « Pop » for all the past chapters. What ?). I kind of assumed and hoped they’d stopped with these terrible comments, but yesterday after the anon enquiry I went to see the AO3 comment section and,, this is the comment she left on some explicitly rated, well-tagged fic written by an aspiring author:

The most trash ever. Get your trash and take with you to the hole you came from . This community are made of people with more dignity and you don’t belong here.

??????????????????????????????? the FUCK, Chiclettes ???

Here’s another one from the same fic :

To the people that are saying I am disrespectful, Let me tell you disrespectful is writing trash, porno and trying to pass as fanfiction. Disrespectful is writing something completely obscene about a alive person without worrying about his feelings, family’s and reputation. Disrespectful is writing something as a sock value to hide your utmost lack of talent and respect ! That is what real disrespect are about.

This is,, what is this ?? Now they’re saying that writing smut is bad ? These comments are what really had me going off yesterday. I’m sick of this person. They can’t do this to the authors. They complain endlessly if the fic features bottom!Paul, and do their best in putting writers self-confidence down. They must be deranged somehow, because this is not normal behaviour. What I mean they’re completely bonkers, and that doesn’t give them the rights to say things like this. They feel entitled to tell their opinion without minding of what it does to the authors. The line of constructive criticism was passed in the very first comments they left me. And while I agree with some of the points they’re making, they’re doing it wrong. Just, wrong.

So. Yeah. That is Chiclettes. By checking the comment sections in the fics I gave you you’ll see what carnage it really is; I can’t post her whole comments here since they’re so long and I get cancer from reading them. You can basically find them from every fic where Paul bottoms, complaining about the same thing. And it’s fairly truthful if I say we authors are getting a little bit tired with them.

#bottom paul cop #srsly tho my best advice to authors is not to engage #they can't start a fight if no one engages with them #except it's chiclettes #if anyone can start a fight by themselves #it's them.#they tend to comment on positive comments out of nowhere rudely with pure attack in mind #sigh #there's one good thing: this fandom would be super boring if not for them #so #good for you chiclettes #good for you.#anonymous #answered

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hotelsongs · 6 years ago

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i'm (finally) catching up on critical role (just finished episode 27, rip). what is the ideal time point to consume "true believers"?

(oh fuck yes oh fuck yesssssss)

anon! you are catching up at an ideal time! i mean—nonideal, in that you have precisely ten episodes before you arrive in My House, which is admittedly a lot of critical role, but you are just where it starts to get rollin’. lemme break down what you have to look forward to:

eps 27 - 29: incredible rp processing the sad shit of ep 25. (marisha mvp as per.) some of my favorite guest stars ever: sumalee montano pls be my firbolg therapist? ashly burch as a bi dwarf? spoilers but keg and beau do kiss. (MARISHA MVP AS PER.)

eps 30 - 31: closure in zadash, ophelia mardun stays hot, leads are dropped for us to pick up all the way in ep 36 (keep an eye on fjord...)

eps 32 - 35: they meet JESTER’S MOM (SHE’S GOT IT GOIN’ ON)

eps 35/36: they steal a fucking boat. please do not ask me to explain further; this, you need to experience yourself.

AND THEN YOU HIT EPISODE 37 AND SHIT STARTS TO ROLL.

i am massively biased—this is my favorite cr arc ever! it’s about my fav and built from the skeleton shipwrecked bones of all my shit—but this is when the season snaps together, i think. i was impressed with the layup and have loved this campaign deeply from the beginning but this is an unequivocal leveller: it’s not farfetched to call it this campaign’s briarwood arc: it’s rare that cr tightens this closely around a character (here fjord, as briarwoods to percy), and it makes the story both incredibly fraught and incredibly syncretic.

and, neat! all my fanfictions slot in neatly after specific episodes, two canon compliant (one “yes that happened” and one “that could’ve happened”) and one... written as prediction-to-be-jossed, now very much au.

so, a self-absorbed walkthrough of the m9 sword snake piracy arc by ao3 user marketchippie, focusing on her (my) bad interests:

ep 37: you meet my wife, avantika. (you are invited to return to my inbox when you meet my wife, avantika. you, reading this, anon or no, are invited to slide into my inbox whenever you encounter my wife, avantika.) you learn more things about the big sea snake talking to fjord through his sjord. the ep is fucking called “dangerous liaisons” because... this arc is gift-wrapped for me.

ep 38-39: they explore a snake temple

ep 40: aka (its real name:) “dubious pursuits”. snake sword intrigue thickens. my fic, third eye, takes place at the end of this episode. it describes a situation that very much happens.

ep 41: the gang does piracy! the gang also discusses several moral quandaries and considers how things are going so far, with the piracy and fjord co-captaining in the name of the sea serpent and so forth. my fic, comedy of masks, takes place hereabouts, based on a comment jester makes in this.

ep 42: pirate island! CHAOS. WILDLY STRESSFUL. ENDS ON A RED-HOT CLIFFHANGER, PUN INTENDED.

this is the point where you read true believers, which was written in a stressed-to-hell fever of “how the hell are they gonna get out of this one?” slanted heavily toward “how the hell is avantika gonna get out of this one”. obviously, challenging myself to write a ‘good ending’ for all involved ended with devastation, which i hope you enjoy

ep 43: the gang does not take my suggestions. things end “better” for them. certain aspects of this arc “end”. (much, imo, as the briarwoods were “over”, but... i can be patient.)

ep 44: the gang goes under the sea to visit fjord’s old ship and drowned dad. fjord and caleb do blood magic together for no reason other than it’s fun.

and that brings us to the present!

keep me posted, pls & ty. you will have fun.

#i need more people yelling about the precise slant of matt’s jaw when he’s playing avantika #the light he can summon into his eyes? fuck outta here matt #also @ anon: read true believers before ep 44 so you can know how prescient i was about certain convos in ep 44!#i am a genius and a prophet ty ty ty #critrole

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afootnotetoallthisnoise-blog · 6 years ago

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on the lucky 10,000, music, and being intimidated

One of my favourite XKCD comics conceptualises the 'You haven't heard of this?!' phenomenon in a more positive light: “for each thing "everyone knows" by the time they're adults, every day there are, on average, 10,000 people in the US hearing about it for the first time.” If we make fun of people for not knowing things, we taint their wonder - and our experience of their wonder - when they do experience them. It weighs down that experience with the panicky sense of catching up, rather than the joyful sense of getting to finally see a cultural phenomenon.

I've always noticed this problem of the 'lucky 10,000' being more of an 'unlucky 10,000', but university-level quizzing has brought it into closer view for me. So much knowledge I don't have is assumed knowledge in quiz, that discovering new facts can be met by more of a 'wait, you don't know that?' than a 'yeah, it's cool, isn't it?' So often, you feel like you're three steps behind, vaguely recognising that song when the person next to you has already recited its name and composer, and spending hours researching to just achieve the stage of 'basic' knowledge. You can get caught in an unhealthy mental complex where embarrassment at what you don't know outweighs the pleasure of learning it.

Meanwhile, in the public sphere, your painstakingly fought-for general knowledge can be taken for granted, whilst a lacuna in your popular culture experience is pounced on. (Downing College saw this after their Monday episode, when the media 'despaired' when their excellent University Challenge team hadn't heard of Iron Maiden. The same happened last year, when the Emmanuel team (which I was the reserve for) thought a lesser-known section of Stairway to Heaven was Oasis. For the record, I would have been absolutely no help to them, and neither would my mother, who was born in the '60s and thought it was Fleetwood Mac. I actually think it did sound rather Oasis-like.)

Being a quizzer and a graduate student, it's so difficult to see what you haven't experienced as a future joy rather than a present burden. A couple months back, another English student (a lovely and very talented guy) made an offhand comment about 'how could you make it to third year without having read X author' (an author I hadn't read, though he didn't know that). When someone asks me if I've heard of Y author, I often find myself too embarrassed to say a flat 'no' and often opt for the less damning 'yes, though I haven't read any of their stuff'. Rationally, I know this isn't a reasonable anxiety; I should be secure in my abilities in literature now, three years of study is only about long enough to have read something by maybe 200 primary authors (and that's including authors of short stories/extracts), and I'm sure that if the conversation was in my hands, I'd be capable of intimidating people if I deployed my most 'impressive' reading in a suitably nonchalant tone. But as a fairly novice quizzer and a new graduate student, I'm not that secure, nor should I be. I have a lot to learn. And the 'lot' is much harder if the spectres of shame, directionless panic, and What's the Point Anyway are dogging your every step.

Speaking of the Iron Maiden and Oasis debacles, I'd like to mention music in this light as well: I've never understood music snobbery, both of the 'oh my GOD you haven't heard of them?' variety and the 'prog master race / Bieber is cancer' variety. Music is so personal - so bound into how people's brainwaves and bodies and particular affinity for language and melody and rhythm work. (Lawrence Grossberg in 'we've gotta get out of this place' ties affect theory into rock music, if this train of thought interests you at all.) I mostly like electronic / EDM-type music with little infectious cadences which make me reflexively smile or move when I hear them. I can get stuck on how a musician says a particular line for days. I like pop and alt-pop and 'indie' stuff which probably isn't 'actual indie' but it makes me dance and lip-sync when I'm listening on the walk home and that matters to me more than any genre superiority. Fuck, I once got so into a game from a shitty app knockoff of Dance Dance Revolution that I'd have the app on in the background and would repeat the relevant level for hours. Quality is relevant, yes, but so is immanent experience, and you can't police that. If Gucci Gang gives you frissons down your spine, who the hell am I to tell you it shouldn't? Or to legislate what songs should mark your memory of a particular time? By all means look up new stuff, but Led Zeppelin mastery shouldn’t be mandated as a condition of civility. (I presume this is also a chronology thing, too - I’m guessing a more recent acclaimed musician would not have sparked the same furore, Kendrick Lamar for instance. Concretising music as ‘classic’ takes time. But I digress.)

Anyway, to return to academia. Even the most brilliant students can feel the pressure to not show a spot of 'weakness'. A chronic overachiever I know had to take a language exam earlier this year, which meant learning a sadistic quantity of verb forms/vocabulary by heart. I asked them whether revising with others was a good idea, and they sort of looked down uncomfortably and conveyed that they didn't want to admit to others that they were 'needing' to learn this stuff, since it's supposedly 'common knowledge'. After I expressed scepticism that they didn't know stuff everyone else knew, they freely admitted 'Oh, most people don't know this stuff off by heart at all. But it's supposed to be common knowledge.' Talk about a communally sustained illusion!

I don't know how you combat this, to be honest. I tend to just always have a book on the go at any one time, so it acts as an 'excuse' of sorts. I'm reading Joyce's Ulysses for my course next term at the moment - probably the most 'canonical' book I haven't read yet, but treating it as its own beautiful, puzzling, maddening, problematic, intense experience rather than a Basic Bitch Mainstay is helping a lot. (That's what practical criticism is about, after all - taking concretised books and viewing them on their own terms, rather than ossifying them behind ten layers of others' perspectives first.) But it also helps, I think, to be more honest with each other. I've asked a bunch of my friends recently to give me movie ideas - I've seen very few films - and they've been delightedly replying with their favourite movies for days now. Sure, it can feel less 'impressive' to take in the cultural suggestions of others, rather than propagating your own ideas outwards to others. But it's a necessary symbiosis, and I think we all know that. We're just a little afraid to admit it.

P.S. I've just watched the first of the films on the list - Blue Velvet. I like it a lot, I think. It's weird. I didn't know films could really do that. It's surreal but not quite surreal enough that it breaks continuity. And the symbolism at the end feels really heavy-handed, but almost so heavy-handed that it's purposeful? Or maybe not? Stylistically it's mesmerising. So this is David Lynch, huh. I'll have to watch more.

#essay #universitychallenge #xkcd #music #literature #books #davidlynch #bluevelvet

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billy-batson · 7 years ago

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an anon asked a while back if i could write an essay explaining why i hate karen and kastle and me, being me, saved it in my asks until i could further explain to full capacity. my response?

absolutely. i’ve had this ask in my inbox for quite a few weeks, since before the release of the punisher. in order for people to understand my view points and beliefs, we must take off any shipping goggles we might have and view it from a fairly objective view point. (i’ve also added my own gifs to this because eh, why not?) also, this got quite long so under a cut it goes. also, it sort of gets messy but bear with me. (word count: 2.5k)

we’ll first begin with miss karen page. first introduced as a girl being framed for a murder she did not commit; a fresh breath of air, of sorts, in a show focusing mainly on foggy and matt, two men. as the first season moves on, we see that she’s interested in discovering more about union allied, who attempted to frame her, and that eventually leads her to ben urich, a reporter who, in his heyday, followed thrilling and intense cases and wrote groundbreaking articles. now, though, since he’s aged and has more concern for his life and job--which he needs to support his dying wife while she’s in the hospital--he writes whatever his editor wants him to. he’s fine with this. in fact, he’s comfortable with this.

the issue, though? karen essentially pushes him back into this type of work, bringing him into her hunt on union allied which he explicitly stated, multiple times, that he did not wish to do. he knows how this will likely end--he even tells her as much, reminding her that he’s old now, and he’s “a lot less stupid”. while we can’t entirely fault her for coercing him into working with her, since he is a grown man and he can make his own decisions, she was the cause of the events that led up to, and caused, his death. yes, a white woman caused a black man’s death. unsurprising news when you’re black.

after his death, though? karen--who holds absolutely no relation to him--gets the ownership of his car, which could have gone towards paying his wife’s hospital bills, and his job, despite having absolutely no credentials or prior experience. that is a fine example of white privilege. never worked or trained a day in that work, ever, and yet she gets his job. i know this isn’t real life, but it’s a piece of realistic fiction. it should be realistic---which, i guess, it is, since the only way someone with no credentials or experience in journalism is going to get a job is if they’re white. also, this is marvel netflix’s first example of violently murdering a black person in their series (which they do in every one of their series), so that leaves a foul taste in my mouth, as a black person.

and next came the, what i like to call “weirdly random ooc #female badassness! wannabe episode”, aka the episode where she kills wesley, stating that she’s fired a gun before and insinuated that she’s killed before. not only does she get off scot free for this (which, by the way, never would have happened unless she was white), but it’s also never mentioned ever again. it was a needless act that was ludicrous in execution and inserting into the narrative. it was just a way to say “look! our blonde haired beauty is a badass haha :)”

season two comes along, and it’s shown that she’s digging up information about the punisher while also going on dates with matt. eventually, though, she meets frank for who he is and this is what i call the sort of beginning of manipulation, at least for her, but i’ll be getting more into depth about this later. in the last few episodes, she gives frank an ultimatum -- stop being the punisher, or she’ll walk away. you’ll recall that in the defenders, she also gave matt the same ultimatum, which is a form of manipulation and underlying abuse. karen can not accept that these mens’ alter egos is who they are inside, and that causes for her to make them choose between her and doing what they want to do. having experienced such abuse from the hands of ex friends in the past, it sealed the deal for my disdain for her.

the main thing i dislike about karen is how she’s written in a way where it’s as if she can do no wrong. and fandom’s behavior definitely perpetuates that. she’s seen as a “#perfect cinnamon roll” or a “#goddess” or a saint or whatever fandom is referring to her as. she truly is not all that, yet the writers tend to portray her as such. (needless to say that in the comics, she sold matt’s identity as daredevil for drugs, but that’s beside the point.) she does not deserve to be held to such a high pedestal, and fandom, specifically certain individuals in the fandom, should not hate people who point out valid criticism of her because they can’t see it from any perspective that isn’t their own.

on that note, fandom is a large part of my hatred for characters or ships. fandom never knows how to be normal and they either detest you for not liking their favorite character / ship, or don’t listen to you at all.

when it comes to kastle, though, things are more simple to explain. (as of writing, i am currently on the third episode of the punisher and going slowly through it for obvious reasons.) the entire reason frank does what he does, is because of the death of his family. of his children, of his wife. he relives that all throughout season two of daredevil despite claiming to not have ptsd, and we see it even more intensely in the punisher. he thinks of his wife and children every day, without fail--often times its the first thing he thinks of, and the last thing he thinks of. even a year to two years after their death, the wound is still raw and he is very much not over it.

so why, pray tell, is the ship kastle a thing? he is not, in anyway capable of having or maintaining a healthy relationship as of right now--nor might he ever. the fact that people could excuse this obviously damaged man’s feelings just to ship him with fandom’s white fave, thinly veiled self insert character is saddening and bordering on disgusting. he hasnt even had the chance to heal or breathe and everyone’s already shipping him with her?

matt said that karen deserves better than him. “better than [matt]” does not equal “you should date frank”. frank, himself, says that karen is in love with matt. he compares that love to him and his wife, who he’s not over. karen understands this and accepts this -- she is in love with matt, just as frank is in love with maria, still.

his love for maria is further solidified in the first episode of the punisher, when he repeatedly relives good moments that he had with maria and reminisces on the things that he loved about her through his memories. he, in every way, needs healing. what he does not need is a relationship. that would be one of the last things that he needs, especially after going through all that he has. the death and loss of his family was one of the most traumatic things he’s experienced, to the point that he takes it upon himself to track every single person connected to their murder and kill them, even going so far as juarez, mexico, to do so. six months after that is not enough time for the emotional stability that frank needs before a relationship with anyone could even be considered.

after frank kills schoonover, karen is visibly upset.

she didn’t want him to kill someone, and she even goes so far as to tell him that he can’t keep doing what he’s doing, otherwise, they’re through, and she’s walking. (to which he obviously keeps doing what he’s doing and doesn’t look back as he leaves her in the woods.)

going back a bit, in episode ten, after his escape, she’s afraid of him to the point that she draws a gun on him.

(needless to say the scene right after this is everyone’s beloved #zomg kastle!! scene. everyone seems to ignore what happened right before that scene though. hm. wonder why.)

does that even seem like a good relationship build up? he makes her cry out of a fear for him, she gives him an ultimatum, manipulating him, she pulls a gun on him and absolutely can kill him, as seen since she’s murdered wesley and has apparently done so before in the past. he has no reason to believe that she won’t pull that trigger, and the audience, aside from knowing that the punisher is too iconic of a character to kill off, has no reason to believe that she won’t pull that trigger. why not? she’s done it before on screen, and she showed us what she’s capable of doing.

she doesn’t get the chance to because her apartment is shot up and frank, the good person that he is, ducks down and protects her. because he’s a good person, and she’s someone he can consider, at this point, to be a sort of “friend”. (i’m like, 90% sure none of you guys have ever had any good things happen to you from good people or that yall have friends and cant tell the difference between friendship love and romantic love, since yall ship this, but i rest my case.)

a fun scene i saw pop up in the anti kastle tag -- a post written by a shipper -- was the scene in the punisher where someone refers to karen as “his girlfriend, and takes that as a sign. please, i know we all know better than this. people tease people all the time when it comes to friends, especially attractive ones, typically those of the opposite gender. i can’t list the number of times that one of my childhood friends was called “my boyfriend” by my family or i was called “his girlfriend” by his. it would be completely ludicrous to presume that that sort of comment meant anything other than a jest or a poke at frank’s expense. that’s what friends are like, that’s a universal experience for most people who have friends. it does not hint towards that ship or somehow verify it. thats not what the comment was. by thinking it verifies the ship in some way, you’re all effectively making a mountain out of...dust.

finally, let’s talk about fandom’s need to show their ass when it comes to their ableism. frank castle has ptsd, albeit he is in denial of such a fact. fandom often writes fics and headcanons that if kastle was canon, karen could “fix” frank of his ptsd and “make the pain go away”. for one thing, ptsd does not go away. it doesn’t. being with someone does not make it go away. i know fandom likes to see karen as a saint or an angel or a goddess, but she’s human. even if kastle were to happen, the ptsd would still be there. frank isnt going to magically be “cured” because he’s dating karen page. the fact that this is such a common fandom headcanon is ableist in and of itself. as an abuse survivor still living in an abusive situation, fandom needs to understand that ptsd does not go away. it can be lessened, yes, but it does not go away. an event such as watching your entire family get slaughtered before your very eyes does not go away, especially when said person repeatedly has flash backs of said event. you cannot expect it to. this is part of the reason why the fandom, itself, sickens me.

also, there are volatile tendencies on both sides. as karen isn’t the sole person to blame for why this ship borders on toxicity (almost as bad as the fandom); frank is, as well. due to his volatile nature, and her stubborn and subtle manipulations, as well as the fact that neither of them, specifically frank, are in a position to be in a relationship with anyone (karen as well, considering matt, who she canonically loves, has just appeared to die), makes this ship unable to work. it cannot work and it does not work despite fandom’s perpetual pleas to make it work, likely due to the fact that karen is the self insert character for women all across the fandom, typically and most often, from what i’ve seen, the white women. (needless to say that comics canon karen is so vastly different from show karen that she might as well be a self insert oc at this point.) these are the same white women who will likely regard this as “misogyny” and label it as just “another hater hating”. that is not what i am, but if thats your prerogative, to demonize a black woman for pointing out valid criticisms and flaws found in the beloved ship and the white woman, thats not my problem.

so, in conclusion, why do i hate karen? mainly due to the fact that her white privilege gets her a job, a car of a dead man with a dying wife, who’s dead as a result of her actions, and, of course, fandom and their constant push to make her a savior of some kind, here to “fix” frank. why do i hate kastle? because of fandom’s desire to show their ableism in wanting karen to “fix” frank of his ptsd and thinking that a relationship with the woman who gave him an ultimatum and manipulated him in order to act the way that she wanted him to is anywhere near “romantic”. volatile relationships built on past fear of the other and aiming a gun at the other is not a good foundation for any ship. since their meeting, they were known as being in love with other people, and they are currently in a space where they believe their loves are dead. why would someone’s first reaction be to ship them with each other? why would someone’s first reaction be to ship the man who regularly has nightmares and panic attacks about the death of his family and his wife with someone else when he is obviously still in mourning? why would someone’s first reaction be to ship the woman who was crying, sobbing as she attempted to keep him from doing what he wanted to, who was so afraid of him to the point that she held him at gunpoint? where does any of this set the foundations of a good ship?

and why would one ship it?

#lena.txt #anti kastle #anti karen page #userholly #this is it in a nutshell. the ship that gives me anxiety attacks and makes me nauseous.

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kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog · 7 years ago

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Episode 11: Ringing Hell’s Doorbell

Sammy:

Welcome back, everyone. The time is 4:44 AM here at King Falls AM. Ben:

It’s a slow night. You wanna do…weather and traffic? Sammy:

It’s warmin up…If there’s traffic at this ungodly hour, we got problems Ben:

[chuckles]Got that right, Sammy. But before we go back to the phones in a sec, I’ve got an email I’d like to read you. I think you’ll get a kick out of this. Sammy:

Oh! Well, very cool. Whatcha got? Ben:

So, you know I wrote the producers of Mission Apparition, right? Sammy:

No… what’re you talking about? Ben:

Yes you do. It’s that brain tumor of a show on channel 13? Sammy:

I know the show, Ben! I’m saying I didn’t know you wrote them. Ben:

Dude, you’re gonna love it. I emailed trying to get them booked as guests so we could tear them apart. Sammy:

Well, I mean, they did keep the lights on a few weeks back running an ad, of course. So, please don’t tell me you got confrontational? Ben:

If telling the truth about their staged show counts as confrontational, then…I totally did. Sammy:

Okay, so you accost a paid sponsor of King Falls AM, continue…

Ben:

Alright, let me read this to you. “Dear Sammy,” sorry you left your station email up. Sammy:

Uh-huh. Ben:

“We at Mission Apparition are extremely sorry you feel the show is overly produced and not true to the nature of actual distressed spirits. In actuality, Dan and Larry are two of the most highly trained professionals in this field. While we appreciate constructive criticism, name calling just isn’t needed. If you have any real suggestions to make the show better, please let us know.” Sammy:

Ben. What did you call them? Ben:

Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I wrote them back and they’re going to be shooting a future episode of the show in King Falls. Sammy:

No way! Ben:

I said we have many fine spectral establishments here. The gauntlet was thrown down and they took the bait. Sammy:

As much as I hate to say this, you’re gonna get to see the Mission Apparition guys in a real situation at least. Ben:

Oh yeah. I’m not sure which to offer up: the old Slaughterhouse off Cottontail Hollow or the library. Sammy:

I’m not gonna make a you’re trying to impress Emily comment here, I know that place is full of activity. Ben:

Exactly.

Sammy:

BUT…. You are trying to impress Emily. Ben:

Whatevs. Okay, okay, get this though! After I told them I was co-host of a late-night AM talk show, they asked if I wanted to come on set so I could get an interview live. Sammy:

Well, book it! Make it happen! Ben:

Done and done. Sammy:

But please stop using my email. Ben:

No promises. Sammy:

Alright folks, after that exciting announcement, we’re gonna open up the phone lines to you, our dear listeners. And, uh, Ben? You got a topic? Ben:

I absolutely do, but you can’t have it until a touch after the 5 o’clock hour, Sammy. Sammy:

You heard the man, ladies and gents. It’s a bonafide free for all for the next ten minutes or so. Give us a call 424-279-3858. Ben:

Or hit us up on twitter @kingfallsam Sammy:

Lucky Line 1, you’re live with Sammy and Ben. Mr.X:

Uh, yeah… [heavy breathing] Did you check the mail? Sammy:

Maybe once or twice in my lifetime, uh, do you have a topic? Or is this Ted Kaczynski calling from prison? Mr.X:

Uh….you’ll have a topic soon…[hangs up] Ben:

You know I should go take a look in our mail slot now, right? Sammy:

Don’t Ben:

It’s a verbal triple dog dare. I’ll be right back. Sammy:

[sigh] One day, it’s gonna be a head… I just know it. Line 5 welcome to King Falls AM. Mr.Thompson:

Oh, I got through! Sammy?! I – I need to speak with you in private. Please! Sammy:

I’m gonna be a little bit sir. We just came back from break. But I’m happy to talk about whatever. Mr.Thompson:

We really can’t talk about this on the air. It’s about…I really don’t wanna say much. I sent you a text message about…oh…a month or so back? We need to speak. It’s incredibly urgent! Mr.Thompson:

Sir I get a lot of texts over the course of a month. Mr.Thompson:

Well, we can’t talk about this on the air. Sammy:

Who am I speaking with? Ben:

We got mail, Sammy! Mr.Thompson:

I turned the power back on…

Ben:

Mr. Thompson? Mr. Thompson:

Err.. no! [hangs up] Sammy:

Hello? Sir? Ben:

What was that about? I swear that dude sounded just like my old science professor. Sammy:

Can you get a number on line 5, Ben? Ben:

Uh, yeah, yeah, in a minute. Look at this! Sammy:

[laughs] Is that a cassette tape? Ben:

Yeah, no letter - just a tape. It’s labeled “D.D.” We should play this. Sammy:

I hope it’s Duran Duran. Ben:

I’ll just stick this in…here. Sammy:

Uh, do you think we should listen to this first? I know you got a trigger finger on the gun, but… Ben:

You’re looking at the fastest finger in the tri-state. Sammy:

You know, there’s a dirty joke there that, for our friendship, I’m just gonna cruise right on past. Ben:

Where’s the play button on this hunk of junk? Merv, why do we have a cassette player in the studio? It’s 2015. Sammy:

I think you know why. Ben:

I’m excited! Sammy:

You better be payin attention. I don’t want to hear one – Lance:

[Australian accent]This is Lance McCord checking in. I’m about 5 kilometers off the Stealth Ridge Trail now. It’s heavily wooded and getting thicker. Sammy:

Do you know this guy “Lance”? Ben:

Never heard of him. But if the “R” word was politically correct for broadcast, I’d probably be use it for him right now. That trail is like the boonies within the boonies. Lance: So far so good. I was- I was a bit worried with all the tall tales surrounding the ‘Devil’s Doorstep’ I guess that’s why I’m talking to you and tracing my steps. Nothing stranger or out of the ordinary. I have noticed the lack of wildlife and birds to be this far in the bush. Ben:

[stops tape] … There is no way. Sammy:

The Devil’s Doorstep? Ben:

Definitely the R word or has a death wish. Or both! Sammy:

Where is this place? Ben:

It’s north of King Falls. It’s a dark ass set of woods. Obviously, this guy isn’t from around here because he’d know you don’t even talk about it, much less go there.

Sammy:

Ominous… Ben:

AND we don’t joke about it. Sammy:

It sounds so inviting, The Devil’s Doorstep. What kind of Welcome mat do you think the Dark Lord picks out? Do you think he has a “NO SOLICITING” sign? Ben:

Stop it. I know you laugh about stuff like this, but…don’t. Lance:

Right, about 30 minutes from my last check in. My mobile has lost signal. Looks like it’s just you and me, pal. I lost a little of time I’ve been turned around a few minutes back. All the paths are starting to look really similar, so, it’s hard to…Still no wildlife. I don’t know if any men or women have ever stepped where I’m stepping. I kind of like that.

[singing in background] Sammy:

Did you hear something there? Ben:

NOPE. NO SINGING. Sammy:

I didn’t say singing. I said something. Ben:

I didn’t hear anything. Lance:

It’s getting colder our and darker. That and my mind is playing the tiniest of tricks on me. Voices, singing, whispers. It’s – it’s head games. Nothing’s gonna stop me from making it to the gate. Ben:

I think that’s enough.

Sammy:

Ben, honestly. Gate? I’m not following here. You’re the expert: what’s he looking for? Or… why’s he even looking for it? Ben:

Commercial time. Let’s do this… [ad]

Hector:

Weekdays 6 to 9 AM listen to the Hector y Chavo show, the fast growing show in the fastest growing demographic in the tri-state area. On King Falls Deportes AM. Every week, Hector y Chavo discusses your favourite sports with your favourite players. Don’t miss out this week, Monday we talk to Big Pine striker Javier Rincon. Tuesday, we are talking to Grassy Creek midfielder Jorge Papi Gutierrez and Friday, we talk to King Falls goalie Bubba Super Gringo Wallace. Tune in to Hector y Chavo show on Kings Falls Deportes at 7:30 am. Your sports capital for gooooooooal.

Ben:

He friggin hears it too

Sammy:

And welcome back to King Falls AM that’s 660 on the radio dial. We’ve just been listening to a tape we received anonymously. Apparently, there’s a hiker out adventuring in – Ben:

Line 8 – you’re live. Finn:

Oh boy! Things are getting tense on that tape! Ben:

Forget the tape! How- how’re you doing, Finn? Is everything still intact? Finn:

Doin’ swell, just well! [scratches skin] Ben:

You okay there, Finn? Finn:

Oh sorry! Wasn’t sure if you picked that up. I’ve just been scratchin something awful the past couple weeks. I got in some poison oak, or something – I don’t know! Sammy:

Glad to hear you’re doing well, after… Finn: [growls] Ben:

…. You got a travel buddy with you tonight, Finn? Finn:

Nah, nah – just got cut off going down the highway, here. Lousy drivers…we got three other lane you know! Ah! Look at the food billboards!

Sammy:

Um, what’s on your mind tonight buddy? Finn:

Just callin in to say hi… that sorta thing. Plus, this story? Wowee, who is this guy? Have you talked about this place before? I don’t think I heard you mention it. Uh, I think… Ben:

Because we don’t. Finn:

Spoooooky stuff, fellas. Sammy:

Yeah… I don’t know if you – Finn:

[howls] Ben:

Uh, I’m sorry. You gotta keep your pup quiet. Finn:

What? No doggy here. Just you two fellas, me… rolling down the road. Sammy:

You don’t have a dog with you, Finn? Finn:

Couldn’t if I wanted to. I’m allergic. [scratching] Ben:

Are… are you feeling okay? Did you ever get checked out after that night you hit that…weredog? Finn:

What? I wouldn't lay hands on a pooch! Are you feelin’ alright, Ben? Sammy:

He’s talkin about the dog you accidentally hit a while back. You got out to check on it and the call dropped off?

Finn:

Uh…. No, wasn’t me. I think I’d remember somethin’ like that [horns honking in background] Dammit all, I gotta go, boys. Can’t scratch, talk, and drive all at the same time. Finish that tape, it’s givin me the willies! Ben:

Stay awake and stay safe, Finn. Make a doctor’s appointment, maybe…. Sammy:

Or a vet… Finn:

hah, you two. Catch you later. [howls] [hangs up]

Sammy:

Now Ben, you know I love what you do on the show. I wouldn’t wanna do this with anybody else….but, I’ve got a tiny issue with you cutting to unscheduled breaks during conversations. Ben:

Do that happen? I’m so sorry, I just… I’m so interested in – Sammy:

Doing anything but playing that tape. Got us all interested now, man. You gotta follow through. Ben:

Okay – it was fun, but I think we should just forget about it. Sammy:

Impossible. Ben:

S-sit down, don’t – Lance:

There’s no doubt that there’s something keeping me away from the gate at this point. My watch has just stopped working so I don’t know what time it is. I can’t really see the sun from the thicket, it’s hard to tell. I checked my compass to ensure I was… WHAT THE -[singing] Eerie voice:

TURN. BACK. NOW.

Lance:

My fu[sensor] compass is literally spinning like a top! There’s EVIL in these woods! You can feel it in the air! It’s palpable! Sammy:

Ben! Don’t be mad! Ben:

You shouldn’t be playing this! This isn’t a joke, man! This is a tape that probably needs to go to the proper authority! I’m gonna google Missing Persons Sammy:

Look, I’m not against that. But let’s finish this up, and at the very least talk to me. Tell us a little bit about the woods. Ben:

If- if I tell you, will you stop playing the damn tape? Sammy:

Absolutely. Help fill these last minutes until your actual topic of discussion arrives. Ben:

[sighs]The path Lance is on is called Stealth Ridge. It’s about a five mile round trip hike up north in Perdition Wood. Sammy:

You guys really know how to name things here. Ben:

Supposedly, as in, legend-has-it kind of talk, way off the beaten path – I mean way off, as in nobody’s ever seen it – is what he’s looking for. A cave called The Devil’s Doorstep

Sammy:

Uh-huh. Ben:

Put two and two together here, Sammy! It’s an entrance to the gates of hell! Many people went out looking for it, none have ever found it. Some never return.

Sammy:

Have you been up there, Ben? Ben:

Once… Sammy:

And?! Ben:

Are you serious?! Hell no, I haven’t been! I’m not crazy like Crocodile Dundee on that tape. Sammy:

I mean, he’s gotta be okay, right? The tape made it here! It could’ve been him who dropped it off in our mail and called tonight, right? Ben:

This was fun for a minute, now it’s just massively creepy, let’s move – [tape starts] SAMMY! Sammy:

Dude, you’re looking at me! I didn’t push the button! Lance:

It is so cold. I’ve descended a great deal from the initial crest of the ridge it seems. I saw what appeared to be – Eerie Voice:

LAST. WARNING. MORTAL Ben:

TURN IT OFF! Lance:

WHAT THE FU[sensor] IS THAT?!

Sammy: Good Job!

Ben:

Alright it won’t stop. Unplug it! I’m not kidding! Sammy:

It is unplugged! [scream from tape] Lance:

It’s after me! [singing in background] I – I don’t know what that was. I went in to look at this cove, here. I think I’m just gonna wait it out until morning. I’m wet, cold – I caught my jacket in the bush. I’m bleeding, Jesus. My- my phone is missing. God dammit. It really is just you and – Eerie Voice:

ME!!!!! Lance:

No! Help me!! [screaming] [singing]

[outro]

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