#year long study or something.
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Yippie??????? (!!!!!!)
#art#gif#shaky gif#animation#ordained minister#I am. Officially??? An ordained minister???#I am. Conflicted on this information. Should I feel bad? I feel a little bad. Great that I can officiate weddings#however I didn't go the whole#year long study or something.#hahaheart1#ough#it feels a little morally wrong the way I did it but#I did it!#that's what I get for spur of the moment decisions#smh#hahaheartart
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#Classic Amy#Amy Rose#StH#image description in alt#goggyart#I like these a lot. I want to push more with her as I draw her more going forward.#I'm really happy with how I did her hands I guess. Their a thing I tend to struggle with and it becomes mega annoying. It ends up with#me leaving something mostly done unfinished for weeks or months (as what happened in this case. I started these not long after I finished#the similar drawings with sonic and tails)#so this morning I got determined enough to push through the fear of have to scrap the work I'd done previously. i had to redraw her hands#a couple times but I finished it.#anyway I love Amez and Knux a lot. especially to draw. but I struggle with them a lot. so this year I'm endeavoring to study and draw them#more so I can get better and share them with y'all who I hope like them too.
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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28/01/2024
stars don't twinkle moon doesn't shine
big thanks to @nahrgles for finishing this for me after i hit a wall with colors bg and effects- chromatic aberration blew my fkn mind
pre edit transparent version under cut because i spent too much time cleaning it loll
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#shadow#sonic adventure 2#sa2#admin draws#fanart#not intended as ship theyre kinda just There but like if ya wanna tag it i aint stopping you#never played sa2 myself but ive been insane about these two for saur long now and thats like half the reason i even finished this#finished sonic generations though and i replayed this fight like three times omgfgghgh its so fun. i love them so much#those who follow my main blog mightve seen the piece by a long deactivated artist that inspired this#queue spat it out just around the time i finished this#sitting down to complete a piece that i dont finish in one sitting is rare let alone 2 (it took 3) and im pretty happy with it#still not ttoooottally happy but you just gotta let mistakes be and not ruin ur perception of a thing thats on the whole. pretty good#ive still got a bg3 wip in the works but i might have to doodle these 2 for sanity rather than sitting down after a long day#of studying infectious diseases for a final. and then making myself work on something ive wrung of most of its initial creative dopamine#MORNING EDIT WOW. THAT TRAILER HUH. 20 YEARS OF SHADOW RETROSPECTIVE HOW WE FEELING.#BC I KNOW IM ON CLOUD NINE NOW
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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y'know there are some things i think i've gotten over, but in (rather frequent) moments of insecurity, i realize i'm so not over them. the bite of their memory still frustrates me and makes me bitter and somehow, despite me having had *no control* over the outcome, makes me feel guilty and inadequate.
it's really stupid.
i'm hoping that writing this down will help me realize how ridiculous this is and that the fact that i did not get what i want and felt i deserved does not mean that i need to break myself even further to prove my worth.
guilt and feelings of inadequacy (and loneliness and dread and uncertainty/anxiety and anger and any other feeling that leaves me bitter) or a desire to prove myself worthy to others (which is smth i can't control) should not be my main motivator for getting ahead. my motivation should come from a place of gratitude for having the opportunity to do so. do it for the joy of expanding my brain, for the joy of a job well done, for the hope that doing something in line with my goals rather than nothing (since i clearly can't do everything) will change how i think and feel about myself for the better (no more depressive episodes! state changes!!!)
#it's not all or nothing#it's all or something#as my psych prof says#idk where i was going with this#it's kind of a mess going in several directions#study motivation#motivating myself#stem academia#rant#studyblr#stemblr#i'm talking about university scholarships btw#i worked my a** off in high school (aka burnt myself out every year 🥲) to get the best possible grades#and got nothing for it...at least in terms of monetary value#the knowledge and insight#and my memory of the joy in becoming a well rounded person stays with me (as long as i don't get dementia)#and that's really what's most important#so...in a way i guess i still win...?#words thrown at the wall#also something i can't control is whether i will feel less lonely once i have proven myself in however way i think will make me feel#less lonely (since the new situation would in theory give more opportunity for meaningful social interaction)#i'm talking about jobbing#and yes i knowww they say you shouldn't put all your social eggs into the 1 basket of your career#but it's kind of all i have right now irl...asides from my wonderful family who i'm so blessed to have#all my high school friendships have faded with time and distance and changes in our ideals/goals
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i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science
#also looking at long term symptoms of sars1. i think in 5-10 years we’re going to start seeing a barrage of horrible long term symptoms and#find out a lot of people never fully recovered#that��s what gets me is like. when i talk about covid my backing is from scientific journals and studies and then my own personal experience#watching someone die of covid. meanwhile people are like ‘well i read in an article’ or ‘well the cdc says’. also y’all the cdc is not forth#coming about covid info. they definitely don’t publicise things. but they still have information on their website that’s concerning that i#think if they publicised would make a lot more people concerned about the pandemic again#for example. Covid causes sepsis. this is something you can find on pub med and on the cdc website#if you’re curious: https://www.cdc.gov/sepsis/what-is-sepsis.html#it’s under ‘what causes sepsis’#also once again. all the studies about long term symptoms coming out and the damage covid does to the body are horrifying#coronavirus#imagine if people said ‘yeah I just tested positive for severe accute respiratory syndrome’
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A casual note that as Liyue-native, as much as Yelan may be very well-traveled and thus may be familiar to various degrees with foreign cultures, they are still that to her: foreign. If we were to take Fontaine's inspiration of France to heart, it wouldn't surprise me if the common 'informal' greeting of the cheek kiss would be practiced there. Let it be known that if this were to ever be done to Yelan (and even the second, perhaps third, especially from each 'new' individual' as it would take some time getting used to), she'd likely show a semblance of confusion and retreat a little. Not out of uncertainty or insecurity, but simply out of confusion. It's important to remember that she is from Liyue, the nation that is firmly influenced and based on ancient China, and cultural differences are very much a thing. And while I still have much research to do on the social customs in both ancient and modern China (and taking these into account accordingly, just as Fontaine does not bear all customs and traditions from France and/or England by any means whatsoever), I am aware enough that this is not a custom that's shared between those countries.
#[ mini study. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years.#[ i'm gonna try to do these more often. little tidbits like this that is. i don't need to write long metas about everything. ]#[ because ultimately that means that i take too much time and get much more finicky and often i can sum these things up. ]#[ but i was thinking about this yesterday. i'd assume it could be customary for something so inherently rooted in french culture... ]#[ to make its way into fontaine. ]#[ as much as not everything would. and i'm aware the cheek is not inherently /french/ (latin i think?) but it's so known for it. ]#[ because it's done all over the place. it's such a common thing within informal settings. you won't be greeted that way in businesses. ]#[ of course not. handshakes all around. but anywhere informal? 3 cheek kisses! and if lucky: 4. my family does 3. it drives me insane. ]#[ cause i had a thing with even numbers when little. ]#[ but hi yes! yelan is inherently liyuen; rooted in its culture and customs more than one realizes. ]#[ and so while she understands and will get used to practices in other nations-- they're not innate to her. ]#[ the lean-in for the cheek kiss would likely take her by immense surprise/confusion. ]
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So, I have mild aphantasia, and I always wanted to do an illustration of what things sort of look like in my head and today, while mindlessly sketching, I made this after deciding I didn't like the original drawing too much. I always wanted to do a full scene, but for now this is a mildly good look into it. I can't usually visualize faces and things look VERY splotchy and black around the edges, like a dreamscape of sorts...
#my art#art#I said I wasn't gonna draw anymore this year but I was going to do some practice studies anyhow#I just wasn't supposed to draw anything super finished so oops... I guess??#is this finished?#anyway I wanted to do it for so long so here it is!#my first attempt at something like this was actually 2022#so yeah A WHILE#artists on tumblr#wmp.txt
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in a lot of ways the scoundrel's relationship with transhumanism parallels beechwood's... Everything about transhumanism. in ways i didn't intend in the slightest going into heart's desire but now that ive finished it all and am looking back. there really was only one way this all could end
#yin-thoughts#fallen london#two players with the ultimate goal of becoming something more than human. one goes down the other goes up#and the scoundrel is left there. standing on their own lovely little pedestal. the world looks so small now#the monkeys look so happy from all the way up here.#i have a lot of thoughts on heart's desire but if you couldn't tell by my many many long tag ramblings#i very much enjoyed it! it was great! im kind of attached to the scoundrel as an oc now! fuck!#they're the kind of character im kinda itching to make a dedicated character study fic for?#which. the thought that it'd be the first actual fanfic of actual fandom literature that ive made in YEARS is WILD lol#scoundrelventures
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I'm so fucking close to dropout school
#this year started like shit#i failed most tests and I'm probably gonna fail most subjects this term#and the grades i get NOW apparatus are important for an access exam for in two years#and access grade on biology is like 11#i want to kms#i have a physics exam tomorrow and a maths one the Wednesday and I can't understand shit#also i couldn't go any single day last week bc i got sick#it's not even like I don't want to study anymore#i just need a year long rest or something#i don't have time or motivation for anything#like I want to draw but I suddenly remember I have school stuff to do but I get distracted very easily and I neither draw or study#maybe this isn't for me#but i also don't want to be an entire year without doing anything#god i wish i could be like my classmates and be good at studying#but I NEVER studied before#i always retained information well without studying#and here i am now possibly with ADHD#I'm gonna tell all of this to my psychologist tomorrow but idk what to do#i don't think my parents will allow me to dropout#i technically can since I'm no longer on obligatory education#i can't do anything#not art#not scp#vent
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Muscles are fun (Patreon)
#Doodles#These are actually mostly on the older side! Which is a shame I wouldn't mind doodling some more arms ♪#I always enjoy muscle studies :)#I tend to work on things piecemeal - anyone remember like two years ago when I was working on legs? Lol#It's just nicer to pick a muscle set and break 'em down and reconstruct! Min-max strategy - specificity#Honestly it was mostly upper arms that I wanted to work on initially which you can see in how I've chopped off the other half for several#I think it was something of an elbow thing? Although knowing me it was also a wing thing lol#I do have an angel mannequin with no arms so maybe I was thinking of him? I've forgotten by this point haha it's been too long!#That little bump from the shoulder that feeds into the bicep was definitely a big thing as well - it's such an interesting shape#Backs are still incredibly fun as well ♪ They're just so layered! It's neat#Angles and push and pull ♫ Very enjoyable#I think I want to work on the neck next - especially since I only learned about the hyoid bone recently! The heck!#I couldn't find basically any diagrams or muscle guides or animations of what the hyoid actually looks like in motion >:0 The heck#Do you suppose animated-from-death skeletons would have a hyoid bone? Would they fall off or be magically affixed?#'Cause it's not like skeletons have the necessary tendons to tie themselves together so hmm maybe there's just a little peeky-peek neck bone#Well until then - arms and chests and bellies and backs hehe
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Twenty-fourth day of cringetober ꉂ (´∀`)
The prompt was niche interest and that is my specialty💥💥 so yk I had to drag out an old ass fandom with a maximum of three people
If you repost this on another website, please give credit. Do not put my art in any ai or repost it as your own work. You are free to use this as a pfp as long as you credit. Any like or rebblog is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading! -dixidin
#these are like the irl versions of them btw. which is why the colors are more muted#I can't wait for this post to get millions of attention to all the starved twdak fans (me)#it's not mean if it's true#I can't believe that I hyperfixated on this fandom for like 2 years.....#the post realization after having a long ass hyperfixation is something that needs to be known more#it needs to be studied istg#anywho Taylor my beloved RJAGAHAHA#“but Albert-” WHAT ABOUT THE TIRED NONBINARY TEENAGER HUH???#cringetober#cringetober 2024#therapy with dr albert krueger#twdak#twdak taylor#twdak albert#dino999z#twdak fanart#fanart#oh yeah rude comments about the skin tone will be deleted blah blah blahGET OUT
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l/c working out because despite lennox being #1 avoidant pushing people away enjoyer, crow is so clingy and has so little dignity that it doesn’t even matter. he somehow roped this man into a dinner party with his estranged family they’re not even dating they’re not even friends with benefits they are coworkers with benefits but it happened anyway
#lennox could date someone for 3 years and if they were like I want you to meet my parents he’d immediately ghost#<-this is a joking exaggeration#it’s funny to think about though. I don’t think crow had to talk him into going he probably just went bc he thought itd be funny#and because he is conducting a long term psychological study on what fried crow’s brain so badly#he is a curious soul basically it’s cute#I don’t care about l/c I don’t give a fuck I want to hear about lennox’s opinions on obscure astronomy discourse#wolfposting#ps I don’t know a goddamn thing about space I should watch some documentaries or read a book or something. so I can understand#his interests better. I wonder if he likes the martian#^this is the only werewolf story post I had in the drafts so you are all seeing it now
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It sucks there aren't more JP>EN translators in the GG community because it feels like I'm just pulling shit out of my ass half the time but no one's ever written me a strongly worded letter about how one of my translations is entirely wrong so it must be at least slightly convincing shit haha...
#textpost#I've been studying Japanese off and on for something like 6 years now and I still feel like an utter beginner at it ngl#The more popular my translations get the more this kinda weighs on me to be honest#There's a certain level of quality I feel obligated to maintain and if I make a mistake a LOT of people will see it now#It's not like when I first started doing these where maybe ~30 people max would see them#Some of these have had tens of thousands of views. My Twitter page's gotten 100k views in one day after posting a translation before 😬#I think I might take a short break from translating after I post GGCA 06+07 and focus on studying more before starting 08#Chapter 08 is a really long one. It'll be easy to clean but there's a bunch of text in it#I still enjoy doing these and don't plan on stopping 100% btw. Can't stop when I haven't even gotten to the Denki Akiba chapter yet lol#But it wigs me out a little when I think too hard about all this haha#Need to become more reclusive.... Make it so you can only get my attention by hanging up bounty posters.... (JK JK JK JK)
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*stares into the void* I might have a problem
#I have. I have done literally nothing all day#I do not even feel the anxiety that much#this is bad#I'm basically just. holding on hoping this is going to pass??? this is a new frontier even for me good grief ugh#the total time I spent actually doing something exam/study related is probably. 1 hour at most???#I literally stared at my ceiling instead of doing *anything* to review#I just want this to pass#this is. what's off with me??#it's like. there's not even a sense of urgency just mellow surrender??#I need semi-imposed activities to do. I need novelty I need external enrichment I cannot give that to myself#might have found out that I do not do well self studying for long time periods because I lack the general picture + end objective#and I have no sense of novelty (which I crave)#just need to. just need to get over this. this is going to be an interesting period to look back on I guess 😪 (it's been a year)#my post#I don't even feel? bad?? which is probably not a good signal lol?#oh well hope to come out better than when I walked into this I guess 🤷♂️
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