#year long study or something.
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Yippie??????? (!!!!!!)
#art#gif#shaky gif#animation#ordained minister#I am. Officially??? An ordained minister???#I am. Conflicted on this information. Should I feel bad? I feel a little bad. Great that I can officiate weddings#however I didn't go the whole#year long study or something.#hahaheart1#ough#it feels a little morally wrong the way I did it but#I did it!#that's what I get for spur of the moment decisions#smh#hahaheartart
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#Classic Amy#Amy Rose#StH#image description in alt#goggyart#I like these a lot. I want to push more with her as I draw her more going forward.#I'm really happy with how I did her hands I guess. Their a thing I tend to struggle with and it becomes mega annoying. It ends up with#me leaving something mostly done unfinished for weeks or months (as what happened in this case. I started these not long after I finished#the similar drawings with sonic and tails)#so this morning I got determined enough to push through the fear of have to scrap the work I'd done previously. i had to redraw her hands#a couple times but I finished it.#anyway I love Amez and Knux a lot. especially to draw. but I struggle with them a lot. so this year I'm endeavoring to study and draw them#more so I can get better and share them with y'all who I hope like them too.
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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John Gaius and the Gospel of John
Ok. Here we go. I've spent the last little bit annotating my copies of tlt in detail, and I've been focusing a lot on the biblical references— especially John's confession chapters in NtN. I'm essentially cross-referencing the verses alluded to in the chapter titles with the actual content of the chapters, and recording some thoughts/observations. Not entirely groundbreaking, but I want to be thorough.
I'm building off of posts by @todd-queen here and here; go read these posts because they exploded my brain. The cipher. wow.
Please bear with me and if you read nothing else, read the entry for the final chapter.
Side note: I'm mostly using the New Revised Standard Version (the one I'm most familiar with) and sometimes the New International Version.
John 20:8
"Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed." (NRSV)
This is the big one—as has been previously pointed out, the fact that Muir got this verse to fit as the first numbers of the cipher AND be so relevant melts my brain. Immediately, connotations of Harrow breaking into the tomb at 10 (the first person to ever so do), seeing Alecto, and wanting to live. She saw and believed.
This chapter consists of John setting up the context for the cryo project, the Earth dying, all that. The main link is how the verse fits with Harrow's story.
John 5:20
"The Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing; and he will show him greater works than these, so that you will be astonished." (NRSV)
John and his crew are trying to buy time amid the projects getting shut down. Their power gets shut down anyway, and miraculously, the bodies that John touches don't decay. This verse speaks to both the first pieces of John's powers and foreshadows the more drastic "miracles" that will come later.
John 15:23
"Whoever hates me hates my Father also." (NRSV)
The crew realizes the link between John, his eyes changing, and the intact corpses. They try to experiment to see if anything will bring about changes in the bodies. Nothing does. He names them Titania and Ulysses. He moves the corpses' hands from across the room for the first time. Not really much to link the content of the verse to the content of the chapter here if you ask me?
John 5:18
"For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God." (NIV)
The crew wrestles with the implications of what John can do—in a way, the idea that John could be chosen in some capacity, or that John can now play at being God. This is also the chapter where they decide to stream on the internet; so, you could maybe say that the verse foreshadows the ways they'll be targeted due to John's actions.
John 8:1
"While Jesus went to the Mount of Olives." (NRSV)
The verse, in context, comes right before Jesus demonstrates to a group how none of them are without sin, and shows mercy/forgiveness to a woman that others were wanting punished.
As for Jod—his little necromancy twitch streamer gig starts to take off. People start coming to him for help or healing or miracles. His words, he's "playing Jesus." Obvious parallels to the sections (such as the above verse and those that follow it) where Jesus is teaching folks and performing miracles. Interestingly, Cristabel intervenes, telling John he's wearing himself too thin and that he's making the same mistakes as Jesus by never turning people down. So John sets a limit to one hour of miracles a day.
The cult really gets going. The authorities turn up. The choice is get taken down or do something drastic. John chooses something drastic—COW WALL. Cow wall scares everyone into leaving the cult alone for a bit. I think, in a lot of ways, this is the chapter that was foreshadowed by the previous chapter's verse, if we really want to draw parallels that far?
John 19:18
"There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, with Jesus between them." (NRSV)
John mostly talks about the politics of the FTL program—more funding stuff, the way cryo was dropped, the inconcistencies with the program, the trillionaires rushing ahead with stuff. I'll be honest, I only vaguely grasp the corporate-funding-technology-science-and-capitalism side of John's story. But I don't think there's any link here.
John 5:1
"Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals." (NIV)
^ He goes up for a festival (the KJV uses the word feast, so I keep rotating that word in my brain too) and in the next verses encounters sick people in a pool. He heals one of them.
John faces no consequences for Cow Wall and other crimes. If nothing else, his influence grows. He and his crew have a barbeque and talk about their plans.
At the barbeque, big bright lights go off in my brain that point to the word feast in the KJV. This literally isn't anything. Like I don't think it's a very meaningful connection to make here. But my brain keeps going "I connected the dots!" I didn't connect shit "I connected them!!"
John gets approached by an important organization and he agrees to help them. So now he's remotely controlling the corpse of a big world leader to fool the world into thinking he's alive, in exchange for a lot of money and a city-destroying weapon. Great. Comparison between Jesus' miracles of healing and John's necromantic reanimation "miracles."
"Could you give him a permanent pulse? Could you make it so he bleeds if he gets hurt? Could you fix any current degradation to his corpse? Could he talk, if we wanted him to?" (NtN 271-272). This is a quote that @/todd-queen pulled from the text, and it fits really well.
John 3:20
"For all that do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed." (NRSV)
More FTL stuff. The nomination for that. John finds out that the plans that were progressing for FTL and the evacuations were dubious at best—just trying to make it look like progress. John is furious, and decides to lean into the necromancer-cult-leader-twitch-streamer act even more, gaining even more sway.
I think something could be said for the verse—being all about evildoers hiding and preventing their deeds from being exposed—can be linked to the trillionaires lying and covering up the ways they are interfering with the FTL project/evacuation plans. And how John tries to expose them. I'd be able to give a more concrete argument if I understood the FTL plotline better but for some reason I struggle so bad with it.
@/todd-queen also links it with this quote, about how John and his crew hide the nuke, intending to never let it see the light of day. Which is also a good connection imo. "We kept laughing that it came with a manual. I think we were scared of what would happen if we stopped laughing. We pulled up the floor and put a safe beneath the lino and swore we were never going to use it." (NtN 279).
John 9:22
"His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue." (NIV)
John grows in power. People come to join. It becomes an international sort of crisis. The first violent exchange occurs, and John uses the energy burst from the deaths to commit atrocities. One could link the verse to the various authorities coming after John and arresting anyone trying to join his cult. John certainly would. I hate him so much.
John 1:20
"He confessed and did not deny it, but confessed, 'I am not the Messiah.'" (NRSV)
The chapter where everything goes to shit. FTL accelerating their escape attempt to mere days and then hours away. The attempted coup with G1deon and the nuke. John's crew is convinced this is the end; Cassiopeia and Nigella getting married. John reveals that he also has the corpse puppet ready to start a nuclear armageddon, as a backup threat to prevent FTL. Everything goes to shit at the cult compound. Cristabel shoots herself to make John figure out how to work with the soul. Everyone kills everyone else and John starts the apocalypse. Becomes God using the collective souls of the population and that of the earth. Obtains perfect lyctorhood with the earth, creating Alecto. The order of events for the actual nuclear apocalypse are unclear, because John is self-contradicting and a liar.
The actual contents of the chapter are... a lot. All over the place. But it's the most raw and visceral part of John's confession, which kind of fits nicely with this particular verse—given that it's from the section about John's (the Baptist, like, from-the-bible John) confession.
While I haven't covered the alternate ARC chapter numbers, I need to point out that this chapter is John 1:9 in the ARC. "The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world." (NIV). Seems pretty fitting for the chapter where he becomes God and begins the process that will become the resurrection, right?
John 5:4
This verse doesn't exist in the NSRV and many other versions, because in recent translations scholars think this verse wasn't part of the original. It is:
"From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease they had." (NIV)
The first connection, of course, is John picking and choosing who to bring back. Healing, resurrection. Yeah.
In this chapter John answers some of Harrow's questions. It's hard to tell which bits he lies about, exactly, but Harrow knows that he's full of shit. She decides to find the truth, and find God—probably not John in the end because he's a horrid lying sham—and walks into the River.
Right. Ok. Now back to this verse not being accepted as part of the bible anymore. On one hand, many of the Christian sources explaining its removal talk about how older, more accurate manuscripts do not contain this verse, so it's more accurate for more recent translations to remove it. Interesting. A chapter where Jod is clearly falsifying information being named after a verse that is supposedly not genuine. Tamsyn Muir your game is incredible.
Please direct your attention to this reddit post. The verse could also have been removed to focus attention on Jesus' healing power rather than having an angel also be doing the same thing. The post puts it better than I can, go read it, but essentially: John is trying to focus the attention on himself—the idea that he's the source of the world's power.
Choosing John 5:4 for this final chapter of John's confessional was very, very deliberate. I would like to shake Tamsyn Muir's hand and also ask her oh so many questions.
Final thoughts: I definitely that the main purpose for the choices behind most of the verses were primarily to fit with the cipher. But, where possible, Muir would have wanted them to fit somewhat with the contents of the chapter.
However, where things were very, very deliberate, were the first and last of these chapters—20:8 and 5:4. There is no doubt in my mind that these verses were handpicked for how incredibly relevant they are.
A lot of what I've pointed out has been pointed out by other people as I've mentioned throughout this post. I'm glad to be bringing it all together and freaking out over it, even though I doubt I'm the first to do so.
#this might be the most autistic thing I've ever done#alectopause#tlt#tlt meta#tlt analysis#the locked tomb#nona the ninth#john gaius#tamsyn muir i need to steal your brains. all i can hope for is to one day write something so well thought out and deliberate#i love nothing more than playing at being a scholar so this was fun#side note: i come from a nonreligious background and my interest in this comes from academia. fixated on religious studies in 1st year uni#and the department never got rid of me lmao#but what im saying is there's probably deeper meaning/context to some verses that i just might not pick up on#tried my best to be thorough#long post#rambles#if you are an irl friend who know me please ignore this i am normal
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28/01/2024
stars don't twinkle moon doesn't shine
big thanks to @nahrgles for finishing this for me after i hit a wall with colors bg and effects- chromatic aberration blew my fkn mind
pre edit transparent version under cut because i spent too much time cleaning it loll
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#shadow#sonic adventure 2#sa2#admin draws#fanart#not intended as ship theyre kinda just There but like if ya wanna tag it i aint stopping you#never played sa2 myself but ive been insane about these two for saur long now and thats like half the reason i even finished this#finished sonic generations though and i replayed this fight like three times omgfgghgh its so fun. i love them so much#those who follow my main blog mightve seen the piece by a long deactivated artist that inspired this#queue spat it out just around the time i finished this#sitting down to complete a piece that i dont finish in one sitting is rare let alone 2 (it took 3) and im pretty happy with it#still not ttoooottally happy but you just gotta let mistakes be and not ruin ur perception of a thing thats on the whole. pretty good#ive still got a bg3 wip in the works but i might have to doodle these 2 for sanity rather than sitting down after a long day#of studying infectious diseases for a final. and then making myself work on something ive wrung of most of its initial creative dopamine#MORNING EDIT WOW. THAT TRAILER HUH. 20 YEARS OF SHADOW RETROSPECTIVE HOW WE FEELING.#BC I KNOW IM ON CLOUD NINE NOW
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the annoying thing about my thesis topic (real world dialects in fantasy settings and how that reflects linguistic bias) is that when i describe it to people, I either get people who immediately get it and are excited about the topic, or I get people staring at me blankly and just going "oh." and usually the people who are excited about it are not linguists
#i know it's a very common experience in academia to be met with blank stares when you share your research topic#but usually that's from people who AREN'T in your field#not from people who ARE#idk. it's just a bummer knowing that I'm studying something I know is worthwhile#but isn't respected as linguistic research within linguistic academia at large#all the more reason I think academia isn't for me in the long run lol#I'll finish this degree and then move into library science so i can just work in a public library forever#and do my linguistic media analysis for fun like I have been doing for years
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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y'know there are some things i think i've gotten over, but in (rather frequent) moments of insecurity, i realize i'm so not over them. the bite of their memory still frustrates me and makes me bitter and somehow, despite me having had *no control* over the outcome, makes me feel guilty and inadequate.
it's really stupid.
i'm hoping that writing this down will help me realize how ridiculous this is and that the fact that i did not get what i want and felt i deserved does not mean that i need to break myself even further to prove my worth.
guilt and feelings of inadequacy (and loneliness and dread and uncertainty/anxiety and anger and any other feeling that leaves me bitter) or a desire to prove myself worthy to others (which is smth i can't control) should not be my main motivator for getting ahead. my motivation should come from a place of gratitude for having the opportunity to do so. do it for the joy of expanding my brain, for the joy of a job well done, for the hope that doing something in line with my goals rather than nothing (since i clearly can't do everything) will change how i think and feel about myself for the better (no more depressive episodes! state changes!!!)
#it's not all or nothing#it's all or something#as my psych prof says#idk where i was going with this#it's kind of a mess going in several directions#study motivation#motivating myself#stem academia#rant#studyblr#stemblr#i'm talking about university scholarships btw#i worked my a** off in high school (aka burnt myself out every year 🥲) to get the best possible grades#and got nothing for it...at least in terms of monetary value#the knowledge and insight#and my memory of the joy in becoming a well rounded person stays with me (as long as i don't get dementia)#and that's really what's most important#so...in a way i guess i still win...?#words thrown at the wall#also something i can't control is whether i will feel less lonely once i have proven myself in however way i think will make me feel#less lonely (since the new situation would in theory give more opportunity for meaningful social interaction)#i'm talking about jobbing#and yes i knowww they say you shouldn't put all your social eggs into the 1 basket of your career#but it's kind of all i have right now irl...asides from my wonderful family who i'm so blessed to have#all my high school friendships have faded with time and distance and changes in our ideals/goals
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i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science
#also looking at long term symptoms of sars1. i think in 5-10 years we’re going to start seeing a barrage of horrible long term symptoms and#find out a lot of people never fully recovered#that’s what gets me is like. when i talk about covid my backing is from scientific journals and studies and then my own personal experience#watching someone die of covid. meanwhile people are like ‘well i read in an article’ or ‘well the cdc says’. also y’all the cdc is not forth#coming about covid info. they definitely don’t publicise things. but they still have information on their website that’s concerning that i#think if they publicised would make a lot more people concerned about the pandemic again#for example. Covid causes sepsis. this is something you can find on pub med and on the cdc website#if you’re curious: https://www.cdc.gov/sepsis/what-is-sepsis.html#it’s under ‘what causes sepsis’#also once again. all the studies about long term symptoms coming out and the damage covid does to the body are horrifying#coronavirus#imagine if people said ‘yeah I just tested positive for severe accute respiratory syndrome’
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A casual note that as Liyue-native, as much as Yelan may be very well-traveled and thus may be familiar to various degrees with foreign cultures, they are still that to her: foreign. If we were to take Fontaine's inspiration of France to heart, it wouldn't surprise me if the common 'informal' greeting of the cheek kiss would be practiced there. Let it be known that if this were to ever be done to Yelan (and even the second, perhaps third, especially from each 'new' individual' as it would take some time getting used to), she'd likely show a semblance of confusion and retreat a little. Not out of uncertainty or insecurity, but simply out of confusion. It's important to remember that she is from Liyue, the nation that is firmly influenced and based on ancient China, and cultural differences are very much a thing. And while I still have much research to do on the social customs in both ancient and modern China (and taking these into account accordingly, just as Fontaine does not bear all customs and traditions from France and/or England by any means whatsoever), I am aware enough that this is not a custom that's shared between those countries.
#[ mini study. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years.#[ i'm gonna try to do these more often. little tidbits like this that is. i don't need to write long metas about everything. ]#[ because ultimately that means that i take too much time and get much more finicky and often i can sum these things up. ]#[ but i was thinking about this yesterday. i'd assume it could be customary for something so inherently rooted in french culture... ]#[ to make its way into fontaine. ]#[ as much as not everything would. and i'm aware the cheek is not inherently /french/ (latin i think?) but it's so known for it. ]#[ because it's done all over the place. it's such a common thing within informal settings. you won't be greeted that way in businesses. ]#[ of course not. handshakes all around. but anywhere informal? 3 cheek kisses! and if lucky: 4. my family does 3. it drives me insane. ]#[ cause i had a thing with even numbers when little. ]#[ but hi yes! yelan is inherently liyuen; rooted in its culture and customs more than one realizes. ]#[ and so while she understands and will get used to practices in other nations-- they're not innate to her. ]#[ the lean-in for the cheek kiss would likely take her by immense surprise/confusion. ]
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Currently mystified by this knitting schematic for what I think is a top-down, yoked cardigan.
#I wish that I'd known a long time ago#how interested I would eventually be in knitting and sewing#and what great patterns are made in Japan#because if I'd known those two things#I could perhaps have put some effort into studying Japanese#I mean I suppose I could do that now#but I'd rather get on to the knitting and sewing#without having to do years of language study first#various translation options are moderately useful#but not the same as actually being able to read the language#anyhow this schematic is amazing & looks like something you'd use to build a spaceship#I've never seen an exploded cardigan diagram before#but that's surely what this is
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bruh i swear my dad is just stupid
#i mean he is in many ways but rn:#he said he can't consent to me starting hrt unless i can find some good articles on the long-term effects#he said he could only find ONE#dawg a quick google search and im already overwhelmed by resources#he truly is just stupid about this shit i remember him being absolutely INSISTENT that hrt has only been around for 10-20 years#big dog.... hate to break it to you...#ugh and then i found him a 50 year study#there is honestly OVERWHELMING evidence and research to support its safety but he closes his eyes and covers his ears#and when i pry them open and show him something he acts like he never had a disproved belief in the first place...#pissing me OFFFFF im compiling that research tho#a question he asked the psychologist was#'if an anorexia patient TRULY believed that they needed to get down to 30kg would you prescribe them ozempic?'#and the 'unsatisfactory' answer he got was no that would be unhealthy#does he not realise the staggering difference in comparison#ok tho im proud of how little i care about his opinion anymore#we were literally 'geeked' vs 'locked in' yesterday lmao bro wept and i stayed nonchalant#oscar.exe
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So, I have mild aphantasia, and I always wanted to do an illustration of what things sort of look like in my head and today, while mindlessly sketching, I made this after deciding I didn't like the original drawing too much. I always wanted to do a full scene, but for now this is a mildly good look into it. I can't usually visualize faces and things look VERY splotchy and black around the edges, like a dreamscape of sorts...
#my art#art#I said I wasn't gonna draw anymore this year but I was going to do some practice studies anyhow#I just wasn't supposed to draw anything super finished so oops... I guess??#is this finished?#anyway I wanted to do it for so long so here it is!#my first attempt at something like this was actually 2022#so yeah A WHILE#artists on tumblr#wmp.txt
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in a lot of ways the scoundrel's relationship with transhumanism parallels beechwood's... Everything about transhumanism. in ways i didn't intend in the slightest going into heart's desire but now that ive finished it all and am looking back. there really was only one way this all could end
#yin-thoughts#fallen london#two players with the ultimate goal of becoming something more than human. one goes down the other goes up#and the scoundrel is left there. standing on their own lovely little pedestal. the world looks so small now#the monkeys look so happy from all the way up here.#i have a lot of thoughts on heart's desire but if you couldn't tell by my many many long tag ramblings#i very much enjoyed it! it was great! im kind of attached to the scoundrel as an oc now! fuck!#they're the kind of character im kinda itching to make a dedicated character study fic for?#which. the thought that it'd be the first actual fanfic of actual fandom literature that ive made in YEARS is WILD lol#scoundrelventures
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I'm so fucking close to dropout school
#this year started like shit#i failed most tests and I'm probably gonna fail most subjects this term#and the grades i get NOW apparatus are important for an access exam for in two years#and access grade on biology is like 11#i want to kms#i have a physics exam tomorrow and a maths one the Wednesday and I can't understand shit#also i couldn't go any single day last week bc i got sick#it's not even like I don't want to study anymore#i just need a year long rest or something#i don't have time or motivation for anything#like I want to draw but I suddenly remember I have school stuff to do but I get distracted very easily and I neither draw or study#maybe this isn't for me#but i also don't want to be an entire year without doing anything#god i wish i could be like my classmates and be good at studying#but I NEVER studied before#i always retained information well without studying#and here i am now possibly with ADHD#I'm gonna tell all of this to my psychologist tomorrow but idk what to do#i don't think my parents will allow me to dropout#i technically can since I'm no longer on obligatory education#i can't do anything#not art#not scp#vent
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Muscles are fun (Patreon)
#Doodles#These are actually mostly on the older side! Which is a shame I wouldn't mind doodling some more arms ♪#I always enjoy muscle studies :)#I tend to work on things piecemeal - anyone remember like two years ago when I was working on legs? Lol#It's just nicer to pick a muscle set and break 'em down and reconstruct! Min-max strategy - specificity#Honestly it was mostly upper arms that I wanted to work on initially which you can see in how I've chopped off the other half for several#I think it was something of an elbow thing? Although knowing me it was also a wing thing lol#I do have an angel mannequin with no arms so maybe I was thinking of him? I've forgotten by this point haha it's been too long!#That little bump from the shoulder that feeds into the bicep was definitely a big thing as well - it's such an interesting shape#Backs are still incredibly fun as well ♪ They're just so layered! It's neat#Angles and push and pull ♫ Very enjoyable#I think I want to work on the neck next - especially since I only learned about the hyoid bone recently! The heck!#I couldn't find basically any diagrams or muscle guides or animations of what the hyoid actually looks like in motion >:0 The heck#Do you suppose animated-from-death skeletons would have a hyoid bone? Would they fall off or be magically affixed?#'Cause it's not like skeletons have the necessary tendons to tie themselves together so hmm maybe there's just a little peeky-peek neck bone#Well until then - arms and chests and bellies and backs hehe
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