#yeah they make me wanna kill myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mars-ipan · 11 months ago

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I JUST WANNA MAKE THE WHOLE EARTH SMILE

#martzipan #nagito komaeda #sdr2 #WAUGH. kinda slayed with this one. kinda fucking killed it #i will use komaeda as a battering ram to break my artblock. worst comes to worst i can always draw him #i wanted to put him in! a box. bc it would make a neat pose. and then i broke rules on purpose to make him look cooler #i considered making this servant but then i realized i did not want to draw his leash or figure it out compositionally #i tried so many new things on this one. gradients mostly. i messed around with the csp texture materials too :3 #proud of myself on this one #oh yeah! this was also an excuse to test out the new maeda playlist #and the verdict is: it's good :D i wanna add more over time but deffo a good base #anyways. i was not expecting this to turn out so good but safe to say it is now going to be the cover of that playlist. which is cool #OK TAG RAMBLES DONE. tumblr please be good to me on this one i really like it

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seventh-district · 7 months ago

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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

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shikai-the-storyteller · 7 months ago

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TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:

Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.

Or:

Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).

Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.

#i talk #qsmp talk #Genuinely need a vacation after the past two weeks (or however long it's been)#I keep seeing people say ''the best case scenario is Fit dying lol'' and I clearly care WAY too much because seeing that made me legit mad #Did my whole ''lmao ok let's calm down and take a walk'' and went out for a few hours only to come back and be like #''no actually I'm still mad. This entire situation sucks.''#I think this will probably be the last mcyt type series I let myself get invested in. I'm so exhausted of being disappointed #and the constant angst the fandom churns out #I wanna be able to love things without getting burned #I've got enough things to be sad over irl I don't want my escapism series making me sad too #Worst case scenario for me is Fit dying or him getting trapped in 2b2t again #and/or him saying q!Pac is dead #I'll be honest: CCs killing off their character feels like a betrayal to the people who have spent so much time loving them #and like yeah there probably ARE ways to do it well #but it's like. why would you choose that option there are so many better options #negative #idk man I'm just frustrated by this whole thing #all the untagged suicide jokes are making me frustrated too

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nerves-nebula · 10 months ago

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agnes by glass animals is one of the songs ever

#nnstuff #makes me wanna kill myself but also not yknow what i mean #like yeah. you get it

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rustybutterknife · 3 days ago

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redditors and fakeclaimers in general are losers. you could be the "perfect" archetype of a system and theyd still find a way to fakeclaim you, dont take their opinions to heart. its rough, and easier said than done, but YOU know your experiences better than some asshole on one of the social media apps.

i hope you have a good day :>

Thank youuu

I feel like the whole “fakers/disordered” shit is very similar to the whole “truscum/tucute” arguments on tumblr/reddit that went on in the late 2010’s

#rusty speaks #system tag #love notes #they have a very similar vibe #Ik this is probably gonna be reposted to some subreddit(s) but idc at this point #the arguments on whether certain systems are faking their symptoms or not is stupid as fuck #like y’all don’t know someone’s day to day experiences other than what they post on social media #like yeah I make joke posts about my disorder and so do others #that doesn’t mean I don’t experience the disorientation and anxiety and anger and distress that others with the disorder feel #also I’m cross faded as hell again so I’m more honest that usual #I felt so anxious and stupid switching out with my Husk alter last night while at my friend’s place #I was trying to signal to my bf that we switched but he wasn’t getting it until we locked in enough to text him what was going on #I still feel so bad about telling a woman during an NA meeting “wow! you’ve been sober longer than I’ve been alive!!’’#and hearing “you’ve already told me that’’#shit made me wanna kill myself highkey #anyways toodles or whatever #I need to start writing in a diary again low-key

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puke-ur-gutz · 11 days ago

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i ♡ going into verbose over-explaining mode in fear of being misinterpreted and then being misinterpreted anyways

#wordvomit #i love being autistic it has not negatively effected my lived experience to any extent #“i thought we were being silly” we are. i am. i am using hyperbole and making jokes. do u think im gonna kill people for [x]#its so frustrating especially as someone who LOVES long-winded rambling discussion. i want to read 6 paragraphs of someones indepth thought #on some random subject they got prompted from #but then when u trust ppl enough to try and do that they look at u like ur insane and give one sentence answers acting like ur trying to #force them to agree with you??#i want you to be doing the same thing im doing back however you do it. come engage with me. i wanna discuss and debate.#“yeah i just didnt think that lol” ok why!! how come! walk me thru ur train of thought!!! lets waffle back and forth pointlessly and #meticulously over random subjects!!#ironic that the passion-rant that started this was how scary it is to engage with any sort of topic online that is discourse-y or #contentious in fear of it spiraling out of control or getting unnecessarily hostile ???#i kept neutering myself so much and trying to speak in such a !! tone while still sharing my honest thoughts bc i could feel smthn going #wrong but couldnt tell what #i may go cry for 6 hours #“yes i love doing community work and moderating group spaces it is my passion and i want to help everyone get along!” lookin ass #ill probably delete this but this site is my one outlet since they nuked the vent app #rip a legend #where else will random middle aged women comfort me

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faaun · 10 months ago

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lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake

#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH #also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl #how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break #thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo #HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance #but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart #it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends #odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway #yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh #also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the #persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway #i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was #basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them #and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok #im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE #oops it was nothing #....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway #also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real #my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige #three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp #......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF #my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like #treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting

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slutdge · 11 months ago

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somehow while ive been going through the unbearable torment nexus ive still been able to keep up with my album-a-day-for-a-year thing so far

#like yeah brother i wish i was dead right now but im not. somehow i havent killed myself so i keep checking out albums #but i dont wanna undermine that im in unbearable pain rn lmao #my therapist said that wasnt good for me to pretend #im very much still in a torturous life and i feel helpless cause i dont think i can ever escape #but at least ive had the motivation to keep up one thing yknow #or im just crazy and psychotic and this made no sense whatever im going back to my suffering hibernation now #at the very least being honest cant hurt even if it doesnt help all that much but im really at the lowest ive ever been my dudes #ive never been lower than this #im failing at all the aspirations of a healthy person but at least im keeping up on the album thing #i know that maybe doesnt seem significant to other people #but when the only thing i can do when i get off work so i dont die of starvation is get in bed #but i still make an effort to hold myself to this commitment #thats at least a tiny bit of light im trying to put in my life no matter how hard i just wanna lay down and die all the time

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rotisseries · 2 years ago

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i treat botw and totk like the sims so OBVIOUSLY I wanna do the dream home tarrey town quest, but this majorly conflicts with my emotional investment in the hateno house

#zelink live together in hateno!!! I can't move link out???? while zelda is gone no less???#I get her back and I'm like yeah hey babe btw I moved out. yeah. and not even just to a different house #yeah it's an entirely different town. yeah it's very far from the school you teach at #yeah the one I teach at too after having done THAT sidequest #like. no. that's fucked up. I need a place to put the weapons I don't wanna use though #at least it's marketed as a family home. that makes it still a little romantically coded #bc it's undeniably a house for getting a partner and raising a family #i can tell myself this is the home they'll grow old in and shit. BUT IT'S SO FAR FROM HER SCHOOL IT KILLS ME

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okcoolthanks · 3 months ago

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I’m so glad I’m autistic I love my cats so much

#I think I like things more being autistic than I would if I weren’t and that makes me rlly happy #like yeah I wanna kill myself when the weather is above 85 but my cats are there and they’re little and soft and they love me back #kitties!!

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francisforever2014 · 3 months ago

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positivity cancelled i hate my life again