#yeah man i'm normal what about you
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anyone else thinking about the whole. riz holding the school with his extracurriculars thing? because like. sure, he was part of the clubs for his own purposes - he needs those extracurriculars for college - but at the same time, he is responsible for things that he should Not need to be responsible for!!! he is, albeit unintentionally, keeping the school going with all the things he's doing and idk. it's made me kinda insane i think. i love riz gukgak!!!
#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#dimension 20#d20#d20 spoilers#dimension 20 fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 fhjy#riz gukgak#brian murphy#jay's bullshit tag#yeah man i'm normal what about you#<- girl who has Only made riz gukgak posts this season
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so far my favourite unhinged response to my habitual observation of "it's weird that no one on this subreddit can make a single neutral-to-neutral-positive post about jiang cheng or jin guangyao without summoning the antagonist haters like bloody mary at a 90s kid's slumber party" is "you obviously don't know where you are. you don't understand reddit. no one owes anyone else GOOD VIBES ONLY. maybe we went overboard with these posts but we're just stating FACTS"
like. at least you admitted that you went overboard. we'll get to the rest later but, you know, baby steps.
#salty peak sect 🧂#acting like i'm rolling up to their subreddit trying to CHANGE their COMMUNITY CULTURE#well..... yeah. i am. because your community culture sucks for people who like jiang cheng or jin guangyao#maybe what your community culture needs is for more people to tell you#that you've normalized being an asshole to people who just want to talk about characters that they like#maybe you SHOULD feel bad that someone just trying to talk about why they ship chengqing#(for example)#is instead forced to deal with a bunch of people angrily telling them how jiang cheng didn't respect wen qing as a person#how he delighted in massacring her family (uhhhh citation needed on both of these)#but yes i'm the rude one for telling you you're being a joyless asshole to a real person#because you're upset about how you personally interpret the behaviour of fictional man jiang cheng
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Some fantasy traveler inventory details (like what they would carry in their bags), based on two of the recent costumes I did.. love finding random little scraps and items and putting them together lol
#it's obvious who's is who's since they match their outfits HOWEVER.. consider if they were switched lol#evil villain looking man carrying around pressed flowers in a cutesy lacy pouch#fantasy costume#what's in my bag#actualyl that would have been funny to make a video. I should make a video#I'm sure someone else has already done this#but like.. lifestyle vlogger type content however I'm dressed in fully costume as some weird elf or something#pulling things out of my bag and showing them to the camera and talking about how they're useful for whatever#but it's all fantasy scenarios and talking like it's very common#'and of course. i know it's a bit cliche#EVERY traveler has one of these. but you know. theyre just useful! thats why everyone has one!' *pulls out a completely unrecognizable item#thats like some weird fantasy world prop and doesn't even explain it because In-world it's normal and wouldnt need to be talked about*#'room tour' video and it's just like 'yeah I sleep on this mat under a bunch of trees uh.. over here by these rocks. at least right now. I#kind of wander around a bit. so'#Like a clothing haul but it's a potions shop haul or something and they ramble about some obscure drama in the potions community and how the#y hard to barter and steal and entire flock of sheep or something just to get one of them. etc. etc.#I could do ones for different characters too like. multiple people from different walks of life showing what they carry around with them.#just like this but more interview sort of vlog format instead of photos#This is where not having much money and not having my own house with land becomes an issue though#I think it would take you out of the illusion if the background was always the same. I can make small sets because there's one blank wall in#a room that it's easy to move all the stuff away from in front of and clear a spot and like hang up fabrics or whatever but still.. hmms#So one of those 'fun idea but dubious about handling the execution' things. also One Of Those Things where without looking it up you're 100%#sure it's already been done and you don't want to look weird since it's vaguely niche. Like if 100 people have done something it's fine but#if only like 3 other people have then you look weird maybe ghhjbj.. or only one other person gods forbid. looks even weirder potentially#Or do people not care about ''copying'' anymore?? idk. I'm not updated with the internet's changing culture. I just have a fear of accidenta#lly doing something like that and then people getting mad even though it's really just that I competely had no idea it had been done because#again.. I live under a rock and am unaware of everything lol. ANYWAY. also would require my face being on video which I don't like. Though I#would be in costume so that helps. I think to be fully comfortable I'd need light modifications to make my face look different. which isn't#hard but is more effort when it has to be translatable in multiple angles. ANYWAY. ghjbhj... Now I think it would be funny actually. maybe#one day. I haven't made any videos (aside from on the gameplay/sims channel) in a long long time actually. hmm'st
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The Dream (The Angel's Kiss)
Based on the sculpture by Auguste Rodin (1905)
(Censored just in case even though it's nothing explicit, uncensored under the cut)
"I remember you, something about you... coming to me, and sinking into me, and giving me breath again. . ."
#Guys I'm incredibly normal and casual about gpi trust me#<- Guy who has drawn them as paintings and sculptures 100% seriously no irony#I'm really scared of posting this like actually. have i reached the limit of cringe. is this too serious.#posting this is making me question everything. you don't even KNOW#Wdym this is about a niche little gay production (of an already weird play)#which has exactly one full recording where these guys are 5 pixels tall#OKAY I'M STOPPING RN#WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN IG#I know this'll probably just end up getting 10 notes cause it's about gpi#BUT I'M SCARED MAN.#PLEASE I'M NOT A FREAK OR A WEIRDO PLEASE GUYS PLEASE#sorry i ranted in tags do you guys still think I'm cool#gruesome playground injuries#sculpture#doug gpi#corey gpi#I'm gonna be so honest with you guys rn#i loooooove drawing their scars#The amount of shirtless drawings of them in my sketchbook would drive the exactly 3 people who care about this play crazy#I SWEAR I PROMISED TO STOP RANTING#I CAN'T HELP IT#MILO ART#traditional art#pencil#watercolor#cw nudity#YEAH I THINK THAT'S IT#auguste rodin#queer
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it's just so insane. he looks so good. it looks good. it looks interesting. it is going to get drop kicked directly into the dumpster because they've elected to keep the problem that's had it on a bds boycott list for almost a year. when this movie does badly they're going to blame mackie and sam and not the the problem that's had it on a bds boycott list for almost a year. i'm pacing
#like i knew they were not going to be able to be normal about sam as cap but i did not think it would be this bad somehow like i'm. an idiot#i just really thought they were going to just be weird and insecure and diminishing about it like with fatws#and with the initial description that came out of the movie. and just adding more and more non-sam-centric elements#i didnt think they were gonna be like yeah sorry. yeah we know it's on a boycott list we know it's getting backlash too bad#we're keeping the zionism let it flop fuck him <3#like they HATE THIS MAN#like they are setting him up to fail. they're setting this thing up to fail#kayvswords#okay i have to stop thinking about this or i'm going to just be really sad all day#i'll draw him later to cheer myself up :(#BECAUSE IF SHE WASNT IN IT. YOU WOULD HEAR ABOUT NOTHING EXCEPT THIS MOVIE FROM ME UNTIL IT DROPPED#i'm just really heartbroken#mcuwhining#the first marvel movie i've been excited for since. like. before cacw and this is what we're doing
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Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?
not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.
i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.
which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.
and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.
i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!
#necrotic festerings#batcest#pro ship#necrotic answerings#tbh asking the question gave me the chance to explain it so ty!#might link this in my about me or my masterlist for ease of access#i don't want to like. overstate how big i was on an old blog bc i was not like. a celebrity by *any* means.#but i had a ship-specific blog and i was certainly a “big name fan” for that specific rarepair#and it like. took over my life when i was a teen#i look back on it fondly now but i really regret that i would obsess so heavily over numbers and what made a fic do well#my favorite fics to write were htp back then bc for htp culture writing on anon was normal since that was during the dreamwidth days#and i just. liked that veil of anonymity and i think i defaulted to that when i decided to finally start posting batcest stuff#(all of this makes me sound so old i'm only 22 i just started fandom really fucking young which i don't recommend)#and when i say one fic got big. i mean it. i have found that fic on instagram and pinterest and tiktok and even. facebook.#do you know what it's like when your fic gets reuploaded to facebook without your permission and you see what boomers think of it.#that was so mortifying.#funnily enough the boomers were actually really nice i was just shocked to find it there scrolling one day.#it was instagram that was super mean to me and traumatized my ass. man ppl dug into me for the tinest things. do not miss that.#anyway the point is#i've tasted vitality and niche fandom status(tm) and i hated both. and i just cannot do that to myself again#ergo#anon on ao3 and a blog to post my thoughts when i have them.#it's a nice system for me#i have some stuff on my main ao3 that toes the line of like. dark dead dove trash.#and i had antis get mad at me bc their fave fluffy fic was written by. gasp. a proshipper.#and yeah that soured me to existence on ao3.#getting into the rise of anti culture is a whole other discussion that'd have me going on for hours but i will shut up now.#wow this got long. i like to fucking talk don't i.
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qsmp makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist almost constantly. I see someone go "yeah bad almost exclusively chooses tophats in games when given the option" and I immediately run back to my conspiracy board and pin that next to the photo of q!slime and q!mariana saying they'll adopt juanaflippa because she has glasses like q!slime/q!mariana respectively under a sticky note captioned "??? the original spanish-english egg pairs were designed in a way meant to attract certain parents to adopting them???", that's connected by red string to a note pad page stating "how random was the parent pairing REALLY?" with nothing under it - which is then connected to a string that leads to several polaroids containing the ending(s) of the wall and the wreckage of the button, captioned "why build a wall that big only to have it end at a certain point?" followed by a string connected to a notebook page in the middle of the board reading "the illusion of choice?" - connected to several other seemingly dead-end questions and theories, as well as some slight stragglers only connected to eachother and not the middle. and then I look over my board covered in feverish notes and I go. yeah okay so I may just have like a slight problem
#quesadilla island and the illusion of choice.#i am so normal#I spent. a little bit too long on this bit I think.#saying stuff#I have more thoughts but it's just the generic stuff.#why does the federation want the residents on the island so badly. how did wilbur even leave the island.#why did islanders from the island itself vs others who aren't arrive the same way. what the fuck is up with the codes.#why do the feds insist on having a good rapport with the islanders. why do they try to desensitize them to their presence via tasks.#why do they try so hard to look non-threatening to the point even grunt workers carry around bubble wands to blow on the regular.#a lot of this is easily “the federation wants to build trust” but that's also a why. what do they stand to gain from doing that.#hold on where's my nerd tag#i think.#oh my god really.#that's. okay yeah that checks out actually#qsmp#quackity smp#q!cellbit a man of the people (I am burning with questions about the federation all of the time oh my god.)#edit if you see spelling mistakes in this post do not correct me please I have a fragile ego#I did not notice until four hours had passed and now I'm committed to pretending I do not in fact care about it
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TLOZ translations always seem to be a bit shitty. I still see people talk about the weird translation of the Demise monologue at the end of SkSw. I think someone said that Demise was more general with his statement, as in there will always be forces from the demon tribe fighting against the light or smth? Not specifically "us three will always fight". (I've read it a few times, but hard to remember, sorry.) (On the topic of SkSw, I kinda dislike how much it impacted theories within TLOZ, some theories are really cool, don't get me wrong. But now, even games that existed for years before suddenly are being pushed to fit with the lore presented in that game. Ganondorf being the best example: He no longer is his own character who did bad things because of his own will and actions, it's now "He did it all because an evil curse made him do it. He had no choice, he was born as a vessel for the demonic lord." The implications that "the curse of Demise" also would mainly go for the already vilified race of the Gerudo, and make their one male an evil warlord is already kinda... yeah... no. (Not to mention that there are other demon lords throughout the franchise that have nothing to do with Ganon.)
Ohh speaking of this I recently saw this post that did a good translation of that very moment, and pretty much confirms what you are mentioning anon; that it's basically a promise of that cycle coming back moreso than Demise himself coming back (especially since his actual and definitive death is a big deal in that game).
But yeah, I agree it has taken a huge space in the way the series is thought about. I pretty much completely missed that hard turn, as I couldn't play Skyward Sword when it released and wasn't super into Zelda afterward anymore (I had gotten too edgy.... 2011 was the year where I got obsessed with every horror videogame in existence basically except for Resident Evil for some reason I could never get into that series ANYWAY WAY off topic........), so coming back a few years later had me very ???? puzzled about how the theories had reconstructed themselves around Hylia and Demise and endless cycles (it's not that it wasn't a thing before, but I wouldn't say it was as much a Series Trademark as it is now).
But yeah. Ganondorf having his own motivations makes him immediately stronger as an antagonist, especially since his deal is quite complicated all things considered.
I am having a thought about how a lot of Zelda villains' motivation is a sort of rebellion against nature. I have scratched enough digital paper about Ganondorf's situation, but like... Minish Cap Vaati is also very much motivated by his refusal to remain small and whimsical and seize power instead of staying in his lane (and then he gets horny in Four Sword so, maybe let's not go there), Zant is.... Zant, Hilda in A Link Between World has been cosmically punished for trying to reject the Goddesses and create a world on its own terms --like SERIOUSLY this is HORRIFYING I feel like we don't talk enough about how utterly nightmarish of a reality that paints for Hyrule as a whole-- Girahim is devoted but fights for the side more or less destined to lose... It's interesting how Hyrule is hostile to change and anything that threatens the statut quo.
(then you have the occasional Majora and Yuga, whomst I dooon't think really fit the above category --to their full credit! and then you have Bellum, who is..... a blob...... And I don't remember enough from either the Oracles game or about Malladus to put them in either category, I need to replay those games)
Hyrule really has this frightening quality to it when you stare at it for too long: that your two only options are to either graciously submit to your assigned cosmic role, or fight it and become darkness incarnate in some way. A Link Between World showed, quite starkly, that trying to escape that binary choice is *not an option*.
#asks#thoughts#totk#ganondorf#demise#skyward sword#vaati#hilda#zant#girahim#a link between worlds#minish cap#thanks for the ask!!#sorry I'm getting through them now that I'm not dying as much from covid#I fell over because I had too much fever#fun + normal#but yeah weirdly enough I think this is what compels me about the series now more than anything else#what can one do in such a reality how do you self-define what is freedom what is agency#man a link between worlds is such a good game tho#see this is why I had higher standards for totk's worldbuilding
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Literally who describes about their relationship with and the frustrating distance from another person "as though I were observing the starry sky from the bottom of a deep lake." Who compares the other person, infinitely complex yet also strangely comprehensible if you're willing to look past his seemingly cold exterior, to navigating through a rocky reef in the sea. Frickin' who does that. Who does that. Shaking you by the collar answer me. Answer me dangit
#genshin impact#neuvia#navillette#curling up in a ball in the corner rocking back and forth sobbing and blubbering incoherently. business as usual#i ain't gonna try to say it's canon because it surely is not and i'm totally ok with that (<- lie)#but just. why. why even. what was the purpose.#man i WAS born in the right generation#i love tormented dragon man perpetually conflicted about the nature of his identity#and the personification of everything beautiful about humanity being inexorably drawn to each other#i'm super duper cool and good and normal (<- shaking in her boots like a cornered animal)#no one has ever sun-and-moon-ed as hard as them i fear. this trope was created by them and for them everyone else go home#UGGGGHHHH. UGGGHHHHHHHHH. UUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH#yeah i made that moodboard when i was thinking about them can you tell#plan my funeral because i don't think i can keep this up much longer before just flat-out straight-up and outright death occurs
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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roleplay idea: barton's trying to say this BS that he's 'good at processing grief' when your muse was a witness to the absolute rage-filled and deranged rampage that barton went on after julien was killed by the joker in which he brutally hurt all but one of his henchmen (he killed the last one because he told him he was 'crazy' and that he 'better kill him, or he was going to tell his boss that barton had been there' and he literally just snapped, went 'you know what, i think i will kill you AND also let the joker know i killed you so he knows to never come near my family again' then killed him. like HUHHH?) at the time with your muse being like this
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#yeahhh 💀 man i wish i was joking about this you all but he really did put like three men in the hospital and killed one of them so...#he is NOT good at processing grief at all SKSKS and yeah the fact that they chose to ally themselves with the joker probably does say-#something about their own character but i don't condone violence or murder so it's still wrong even if they were... terrible 🫠#no but barton was honestly looking for someone else to blame besides himself for julien's death so he basically went to all of these-#henchmen and grilled them + asked them all whether they knew anything about how the joker was planning to kill his son#anddd when they all answered him with a 'no' was when thing's uhhh. Got violent 😬 like just imagine being one of barton's kids-#and mourning the loss of your brother in a normal albeit sad way on your own but then barton comes back home covered in blood-#+ it's obviously not his... like i don't even know if i'd want to ask him what the hell he just did because while barton is in mourning-#or grieving you do NOT want to be near him if you are the one that caused the death in question because you will get your-#shit rocked let me tell you ☠️ like the only reason why barton didn't kill the joker himself is BC he knew that that would attract-#batman's ire like nothing else and he does NOT want that smoke as much as barton hates him LMAO but DC muses... just to let you know-#or really any type of muse that interacts with him but those who are close to him in particular i would not touch a hair on any of his#family members head unless you want to have someone after you + i swear i'm not saying that to be edgy or anything BC ever since i#first mentioned that barton is always this 🤏 close to going off of the deep end even more than he already is i was not joking at all ASDFGH#tw: mentions of violence#tw: mentions of murder#tw: mentions of child death
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thinking about that "there's nowhere for me to hide" quote that's been going around and the fact that it's actually the opposite. i know he's mostly talking about writing and yes when it comes to am he's the one doing (most of) the lyrical work on records as opposed to tlsp where him and miles are 50-50 and they have a whole different creative process than he does with am. but when it comes to being on stage, performing with am is actually the time he hides most. perhaps exactly because he's up there alone as a frontman, hence the need to "protect" himself by putting on a persona, a mask that can be conveniently taken off once he's hopped off stage (a theme that has been widely explored in the last albums, but really it's been there his whole discography - including obviously tlsp with the bourne identity and also his solo work with songs such as hiding tonight). but when he's up there on stage with miles, and miles is "up there singing with [him]", he says it gives him somewhere to hide because that 50-50 ratio that comes with writing translates to their stage presence as well. however one could argue that it's that same equal ratio that makes it so that he doesn't, in fact, hide at all when it comes to tlsp performances, and especially eycte era ones. because the knowledge that not all attention is on him, but rather distributed equally on the both of them, added to the reassurance that having miles there gives him, results in what is maybe his most genuinely maskless behaviour, of which we've seen countless examples during the 2016 tour. and although one could also say that that one, too, could partly be a persona in and of itself, the point still stands - he might be hiding in different ways depending on whether he's up there as the am or tlsp frontman, but being two halves of a whole with miles certainly didn't give him more of a hiding place. on the contrary.
#thoughts that haunt me while i'm trying to take a Normal&Peaceful Shower TM#mind you this isn't even about milex i just find it very interesting how he talks about being able to hide when he's up there with miles >#> as opposed to am. because bruh. that is the furthest thing from hiding we've seen on tour in 2016#those were some of the most genuine antics/shenanigans/smiles/behaviours he's ever shown in 20+ years of career#it was just a man being silly with his best friend. not a single thought behind those eyes. except maybe one-- [gunshots]#but yeah it was just real. and he's real eith am too it's just. in a different way#something was in the air in 2015/2016 that made him not worry about putting on a mask and we'll never know what it really was#and i think that's incredibly interesting#alex turner#arctic monkeys#tlsp#ramblings#btw while reading this you have to imagine me putting him under a microscope. to study him
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this is a pass to do a couple things:
finish the manga!!! u can do it so u can follow all the other blogs without getting blindsided by a spoiler
do the ship ask thingy for amoneki :]
Gahh I'm trying !! I'm so busy with school and life stuff so it's hard to squeeze in time to read but I'm trying! I'm getting through volumes very slowly but hey, I'll get there ! Just. Well. There's 16 volumes so. Okay it might take a bit orz
For now I'll just be in my little fandom limbo corner I suppose orz, as for the ask thingy:
when I started shipping it if I did: Several months ago, probably a few months short of a year? It's a bit complicated, Basically I decided to rewatch the anime (because my original exposure to tg was. the anime :') ) and vaguely remembered that I really liked Amon (honestly the encounter at Kanou's Lab/Cochlea was one of the scenes I remembered the most), and after rewatching and seeing Amon and Kaneki's interactions they piqued my interest again. Then I got into the manga and. Yeah that interest turned into insanity and now i'm here
my thoughts: Well I have a 119-slide 15K+-word google slideshow for starters. But I'm taking that to my grave so I guess I gotta condense that somehow. On one hand I feel like everything needs to be said about these two to the point that there's too much to talk about but also nothing needs to be said at the same time. They parallel each other in just about every way possible, it's impossible to ignore the ways that they foil each other. They also have had irreversible effects on the others' character. Kaneki finds resolve in Amon's words ('the world is wrong'), and turns to them at pivotal moments (when he leaves Anteiku, Kaneki's own mantra is also basically a derivative of Amon's, wishing to take out the "bad/wrong" things in the world, and he basically takes them to his grave, "The world is wrong", Amon's own words, being his opening to his final dialogue in the last chapter of the original series)
Similarily Amon is just haunted by Kaneki. Like. In general. He thinks about him constantly (even under more mundane circumstances, in the novels he gets reminded of Kaneki just by staring out a window because it reminded him of the Aogiri raid. lmao). Kaneki is basically the catalyst to his character development, and Amon is constantly bothered by his presence/existence, and even comes to recognize how they always encounter each other at important moments. Amon is so haunted by This Guy (creature) it's both a little funny but also makes me very insane. He's basically being a failure of a ghoul investigator, and it's even more ironic, given his hatred of himself for being raised by and potentially caring about a ghoul (also he's catholic, something something religious guilt), yet he seems to have a lot of faith in Kaneki, even to a faulty degree (I'd daresay it's almost to the point where he puts Kaneki on a bit of a pedestal/idolizes him to an extent. I have a whole other ramble about Just that on the self-rb'ed half of this post. Like I'm sorry but Amon definitely fell hard for this guy I'll die on this hill and I'm going to poke fun at him endlessly for it, he could've done so much better, he starts off the manga hating ghouls with a passion and his mentor's disdain for ghouls runs ten times as deep but nope now he's chasing after the dangerous somewhat unhinged (/affectionate) half kakuja guy and it's not even to fight/kill him like okay, sure.) They have affected each other in irreversible ways. They reflect each other so much even if they don't know it. They just want to sit down and have a conversation. They didn't get to. And instead They Killed Each Other (okay not really but it was very close and they absolutely could, not that they want that) ((It's also partially Kaneki's fault for losing control of himself and he feels awful for that (sidenote but any scenario with Centineki and Amon make me lose my mind))). They're also married by first-encounter marriage bite, apparently. I think we should talk about that more that's kinda?? Donato approves btw
What makes me happy about them: Everything that makes me miserable about them makes me simultaneously happy about them because I am an Angst Guy but honestly just how much they clearly respect each other. While they're not allowed to understand each other because of their circumstances they still very much Want to. They recognize that they probably share a lot of views and could really have a meaningful conversation with each other, and it really shows, even if they're fighting. Amon again has a surprising amount of trust in Kaneki (not assuming he's fighting for Aogiri when he saw him during the ward 11 battle, having faith in Kaneki as a person even if he just saw him potentially killing his superior and being presented with the possibility that maybe he was just being fooled all along, when he's nearly dying at Kaneki's own hands but says he won't die because that would make Kaneki a murderer, having faith still that he hasn't turned into one). They recognize that they're equals (well technically they're not, obviously Kaneki is much stronger objectively, being a ghoul, and a kakuja at that), but they treat each other as equals and that's what really matters. I just think it's a very neat dynamic and their roundabout way of caring about each other despite their positions makes me happy :)
What makes me sad about them: I was gonna put images but then I quickly realized that I'd basically be pasting almost all of chapter 133-134 just uh. The fact that Kaneki really lost control of himself and the parallel with him biting Amon's shoulder escalates to him cutting off his entire fucking arm, the way that Amon's first thought in regards to that is simply that Kaneki is strong, how he doesn't reprimand him for it whatsoever (also Amon's blow pretty much takes out the entire area of where Kaneki's kakuhou should be, which is a detail I find Extremely Interesting and I think it should genuinely be talked about more). This fucking line that happened literally the panel before all of that despite their mutual wishes for the other to simply Not Die:
Amoneki divorce. Absolutely life ruining :thumbsup:
(Also just. Again Amon Please. This guy bit your shoulder (probably gave Amon rabies honestly) and almost ate one of your colleagues; when he loses control of himself for the second time you just tell him to take a break, and now he's cut off your whole damn arm and you're Still not complaining and are instead praising him by calling him strong. I just. Yeah that's Not Normal. It's kind of impressive, really /derogatory)
Oh yeah also the fight at Kanou's lab also kills me and takes over my brain constantly but I wouldn't classify that as making me sad I would classify that as making me lose my mind, laugh hysterically and start climbing up and clawing at the walls (like Centineki, actually)
things done in fanfic that annoys me: Maybe I'm just extremely picky but I feel like people tend to fumble Amon's characterization a lot. It's kind of a fine line, and Amon has a lot of conflicting feelings as is, so I get it, but I'm especially bothered when Amon is written as way too harsh. When he's first introduced he has a strong hatred for ghouls, and it's not like that just goes away, but when he's written as especially harsh or even cruel towards Kaneki, especially if it's just because for him being a ghoul it feels like it kind of defeats the point, as Kaneki is supposed to be the reason why Amon starts changing his mind. When Amon sees him for the second time he doesn't think about fighting him at all, even that early on he decides he wants to talk instead, 'cause He's Different. I don't see this kind of characterization too often but I don't really vibe with it at all when I do (Also this is definitely just a me-thing but I wish there was more angst in the tag. Which is ironic considering these guys are surprisingly normal most of the time and have so much potential to be actually Happy but uh *vague hand gestures*, hurt-comfort would also be a decent compromise)
things I look for in fanfic: I love pre-:re fics that explore the complicated-ness of their dynamic. I'm really fond of fics where they kind of dance around each other in a sense, they won't just straight up completely directly interact because that's Still a bit dangerous but they see each other in passing, maybe Kaneki watches over Amon sometimes, etc. Also you probably saw this coming a mile away but yeah religious references mean instant bonus points from me. I could go into some (too much) detail but. uh. stares down at my feet look I'm normal I swear
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Saying Amonhaise is definitely cheating but I'm not really invested in any other Amon ships. I'm not particularly against any I'm just neutral. As for Kaneki, like I mentioned in a previous post, I see potential with Etoken, and it's pretty hard to go wrong with Hidekane, though neither drive me to insanity like these two do at the moment
My happily ever after for them: Let them finally officiate their marriage ghsfdljbhf
who is the big spoon/little spoon: Well that's pretty easy huh. Kaneki small spoon he is a Little Guy just let him feel comfortable and secure y'know? Kaneki is probably someone who runs very cold and Amon is very warm so it works out :) If he's super tired he very carefully (and cautiously) wraps his kagune around Amon he will now be Trapped there until Kaneki wants to get out of bed (good luck)
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Well I would say that Kaneki loves cooking for Amon probably. He makes food at home and tries to make new sweets following recipe books. It's a bit of a mess because y'know, he's a ghoul, and at first Amon tries to hide that, unfortunately, his previous experience with cooking does Not, in fact, hide the fact that he cannot taste or smell human food, but eventually Kaneki is able to get a hang of it (with Amon's help) and it's very nice :) That's what I would say but. well. Amon is Also a Ghoul now so that doesn't really work :')
#asks#ipsen#tokyo ghoul#tg#amon koutarou#kaneki ken#koutarou amon#ken kaneki#amoneki#amoneki ramblings#so. it took me like 3 hours to write this. it's approaching 1:30 am i have school tomorrow man orz (worth it)#anyways um yeah i'm normal definitely i think#ha ha. hghsdljfbhsdflhbfldbhsdfoubhserb#i. don't run this through a word counter i talk a lot (too much)#h. aha. haha 1.5k+ word response?? i have no idea what you're talking about#i don't think there's anything that needs to be elaborated on but uh#if there's something i mentioned that you want more details on i'll probably end up having another 1-500 word response for it#tomorrow though i need to go to sleep holy shit#most sane amoneki fan right here (definitely not lying) :))#they're just neat. i think#i got another ship ask for amoneki but obviously i just answered that. maybe i'll answer it with amonhaise instead?? we'll see :3c#thank you for indulging in the madness i had fun (i need to be Stopped)
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Sooooo one of my mutuls reminded me that I love The Talented Mr. Ripley so much and I am 100% not normal about it and I just to say that the last time I rewatched it (a few months ago) I hadn't watched that movie for a long time and my only thought was "they want you to think Tom Ripley is the dangerous character but it's actually Dickie Greenleaf. Nothing can destroy your life like the nonchalance a charming person picks you up and puts you down with". And I was 100% sure of that. And then I rewatched the movie and I was like "Okay maybe Tom Ripley was the problem" but you need to understand that everytime I watch that movie it fucks with my brain and my past friendships so hard after a while I always find myself thinking "if Dickie just knew how to love Tom in the right way, none of this would have happened. It's Dickie's fault." And it's not! Tom is deeply fucked up for several reasons! But this movie fucks so hard with me pegs my brain gaslights me like an abusive boyfriend that I always end up thinking "Tom did nothing wrong. Tom did nothing wrong, if Dickie just loved him the right way. It's Dickie's fault."
I just think that people like Dickie Greenleaf can make anyone insane. I think I'd rather never knew the joy of bashing in Dickie's attention that living through the desperation of being derived of it.
#being told I was unable to love right sure adds some layers to this conversation#this movie FUCKS#anthony minghella I'm in your walls#the talented mr ripley#jude law#matt damon#I've been a Tom all my life but sometimes I suspect I have been Dickie to some people#and the power that I might have held over them makes me sick#I associate Dickie Greenleaf with the children judges of Munster in Q by Luther Blisset#which is NOT a good thing#or to Jan of Leida's wife. which is also not good.#something about innocence in cruelty. being unable to perceive the evil one's causing.#but it's not your fault nor anybody's fault if that's your natural attitude. Hurting others without even noticing.#if you use your love like an ancient God would. Give and take back at your pleasure.#au plaisir de Dieu but you are the God#and what people want from you? You're just one. You can't be there for everybody all the time.#that's the job of a supreme entity but that's how people see you. Brighter than the sun. It's not your fault. It's not their fault.#you have a right to your love and your attention but they have a right to that as well because once they've tried it they can't go back#it's intoxicating being loved by someone like Diclie Greenleaf. Any man who has tried that would rather kill themed rather than go back#being ignored after that#it's Dickie who leaves death and desperation behind him#*conveniently ignores Tom Ripley's a psychopath* Ooooh I forgot about that part#anyway yeah movies I am sooooo normal about
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the entire essay I could write about the background vocals in terrible man. you don't understand
#onlyoneof#why do you think that first beat drop at the first chorus hits so hard. dude#that's the only spot in the song that I can find where the background vocals completely disappear#also the chorus is the only part of the song where the beat is completely clear and not muddy#there are 2 other spots in the verses that has a bit of the chorus beat too but it's not *as* clear as in the chorus#god when that motto motto tsunaide mou uso demo ii kara furetete HITS. it hits#this song is so insanely good and for no fucking reason I could write an essay about it. maybe I should#the intro has that . instrument that I can't name in it and then the verse has that too but with the beat from the chorus#and then the prechorus is all wahhhwoohohhf floaty. it's floaty airy breathy no clear beat#AND THEN THE. CHORUS HITS and man. uifkvfjvnfjjvjfjvbvfj yeah#also the way rie sings mimi kara karada kills me every time. unrelated to the discussion around instrumentals but#THE BACKGROUND VOCALS IN THE 2ND CHORUS BTW#the woaaahhh that continues into wooohooohh in the chorus...#the ohoohhh ohooooh#dude? listen to hidoi otoko by onlyoneof. that's what I'm saying here#really listen#put it on repeat all day and notice every little instrumental and background vocal detail in it. maybe then you'll be normal#cuz I sure am. so normal and regular about this song#GOD it's so good#sorry if you don't get it. I'm right#the only crime this song commits is being too short#the ohh woahh in the first prechorus. that part is different in the korean version of the song and that one little part is why I prefer the#japanese version of the song. literally just one woahh background vocal is what makes me heavily favor this version. lol#me when I'm so normal about my favorite background vocal parts of a song. is that even a thing it is now. it is to me
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lots of people in the 911 fandom showing their ass about bisexuality and the "validity" of relationships right now so uhh buck's relationships with women were no less valid than his relationship with a guy and the end of that relationship is frankly not anymore shocking than the end of his relationships with those women. if you're going to act like a freak about it when you were some of the people actively hating on every single woman who breathed near him.......... i fear this might just be karma for you!
#like i'm genuinely not trying to be mean#but you cannot have possibly fooled yourself into thinking that was going to be his endgame#i stand by letting people ship what they want#just. be serious.#this was much like his other relationships#the difference being tommy was a man#it is not homophobia to break them up lmfao#if y'all can't be normal about mlm relationships do not expect more of them#evan buckley#911 abc#i'm not tagging the ship but like. yeah.#act fucking right
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