#as in kindness goodness care and sometimes even sacrificing your own comfort to save somebody else

[lyxchen]

Okay so I've heard this said a bunch of times and I'm gonna admit I thought like that too for a while but no, Gi-hun did not win the games because he was lucky. A lot of people think that's how he won because he never killed anybody but that's really not the point. Gi-hun won the games because a) he's smart and is able to look at things from a different angle, b) because he is a good and kind person who also believes in others and c) because of the goodness and care get got back from other people.

In the first game he survived because Ali saved him and that wasn't luck, that was Ali being a good person and helping somebody not get killed. Ali could've not caught him, let him die, he didn't even know Gi-hun at all at that point and he put himself in more danger too by having to hold on to a person while standing completely still but he still saved Gi-hun because Ali is a good person.

In the Dalgona game he quite literally Was Not Lucky. He decided to go with the umbrella which is the worst shape to pick and he probably would have died if he hadn't looked at the game in a different way and decided to change his strategy. Gi-hun is smart. He is also optimistic and so he tried something new and found a different way to beat that game.

In the third game he survived because he was smart and kind enough to listen to Il-nam. The other people in their group dismissed him as just an old man speaking but Gi-hun didn't and that way they had a good strategy to beat the other team. The same goes for him listening to Sang-woo's idea of running three steps and then stopping, which ultimately was what saved them. His group also chose him as their leader (who, as Il-nam said, needs to not seem weak or loose hope because then the whole team is doomed). His team trusted in him and his optimism and they were right to do so.

In the marbles game he won because he was once again kind and decided to team up with Il-nam and also because in the end Il-nam decided to "sacrifice himself" for Gi-hun because he showed him kindness before. Yes Il-nam didn't actually die but he also knew that Gi-hun had cheated and still let him continue on to the next game, probably because Gi-hun had been good and kind and caring towards him before, even though he really didn't have to be. Gi-hun also didn't know this but by teaming up with Il-nam he inadvertently ensured that Il-nam had a lot more fun in the games than he would have had, had everybody just ignored to "old, fragile man". Gi-hun was good to Il-nam throughout all the games and it ended up saving him in the marbles game.

In the fifth game it's only some small moments as Gi-hun isn't really involved in the game because he's the last number but still it wasn't just luck. First of all he was kind enough to give the number 1 to the player that asked him for it. Yes, that number was bad but he didn't know that and had he been selfish enough to say no to that other player he wouldn't have survived. Being the last to play in any game can end up being bad for you, still he decided to give up the number he picked because the other player asked him to. Secondly he also survived that game because Sae-byeok was kind enough to remind him of which glass tile to step on after he had forgotten which one it was. It's only small but she didn't have to tell him and still she did. Sae-byeok btw is also good to him because before that he was good to her and protected her (even though he was angry at her at first) and that way he was able to gain her trust.

Lastly he won the Squid Game because Gi-hun was kind to Sang-woo and because Sang-woo deep down was still a good person. There were probably many reasons as to why Sang-woo decided to kill himself in the end but part of it, I'm sure, was also because Gi-hun was a good friend to him. I mean Gi-hun was even willing to give up all the money and go back home with nothing gained if it meant that Sang-woo didn't have to die and would be able to come home with him. Gi-hun deserved that win and that money and in the end Sang-woo knew that. He also knew that Gi-hun would make sure to take care of Sang-woo's mother and that he wouldn't just take all the money for himself because Sang-woo knew that Gi-hun is a good person. (Gi-hun technically also won the Squid Game because he was good at it which is also him being smart)

So in conclusion and I hope y'all haven't stopped reading yet: Gi-hun didn't win the games because he was lucky. He didn't just sit around doing nothing and won anyways. He won because he was smart but even more importantly he won because of the kindness and goodness that exists in humans and that is especially present in him. He won because he had empathy, because people trusted him, because he got back from them what he gave to them first. He never killed anyone and we can clearly see that he Could Never kill anyone in those games but that's not his weakness. Just because he didn't let himself get corrupted and turned into what the games wanted him to turn into doesn't mean he won because of luck. Him not playing by those subtle, hidden rules that are made to force him to be bad, to not care about others and to give up his kindness actually means he was better than the games. He won because he didn't let them turn him into a monster. They tried really hard and they failed and that's how he won!! But also on top of that he also won because he isn't the only good person in this show. He also won because other people helped him, were kind to him and gave a shit about him. Each and every person that helped Gi-hun didn't have to do that. They all could have not helped him, Ali could have not caught him, Sae-byeok could have not told him which one was the correct glass tile, hell, she could have Lied to him about it and the only difference it would have made for the other players would have been them being one more dead person closer to winning all that money. But that's really not how humans are and act which is why all these people helped Gi-hun, helped each other in small or big ways and in the end his own kindness and the kindness that exists in other people is what lead to Gi-hun winning. That's not luck. That humans being good

[ofpaperhearts]

▷  currently  playing  ——  THE FAÇADE  a playlist for Elliot King. n. a false appearance that makes someone or something seem more pleasant or better than they really are.

!! anxiety & depression tw throughout playlist !!

obnoxiously long tracklist & descriptions that may or may not make sense under the cut!

▷  currently  playing  ——  TWO  by  SLEEPING AT LAST.

it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath // you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest // i know exactly how the rule goes: // put my mask on first // no, i don’t want to talk about myself // tell me where it hurts // i just want to build you up, build you up // ‘til you’re good as new // and maybe one day i’ll get around to fixing myself too

Okay, so there’s not a doubt in my mind that Elliot’s an enneagram type two, which is what this song is all about. The entire song really captures how he wants to take care of others and give his love to them, and then if there happens to be anything left, he’ll take care of himself, but it’s not a priority.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BEAUTIFUL LIGHT  by  UPPERMOST.

I don’t fully know how to describe it, but this song just makes me feel upbeat and hopeful and I feel like those are the types of vibes that Elliot tries to put out into the world. This is a song that works very well for him when simply looking at him on the surface level.

▷  currently  playing  ——  I JUST WANNA SHINE  by  THE FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS.

so don’t give me dark days, i already had those // i’m just trying to figure out how to be myself right now // i don’t wanna lay low, hiding in the shadows // so i wake up, i get out of bed // stay up, stay out of my head

This song is probably more how Elliot perceives himself. Like despite having his own stresses and hardships, he still strives to make the most of his life and keep up and optimistic view.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MESS IS MINE  by  VANCE JOY.

bring me to your house // tell me, “sorry for the mess”, hey i don’t mind // you’re talking in your sleep, out of time // well, you still make sense to me, your mess is mine

This song just goes back to how he wants to give an receive love by taking care of others.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PLEASER  by  WALLOWS.

indecisive feelings of enjoyment // hold the thought, i think i need a moment // i’m aware there’s somethin’ i should tell you // but my voice annoys me // bite my tongue off with a smile // i can’t feel it anymore // ‘cause recently the line is blurred // between depression and bliss

This whole song is basically about being a people pleaser (which Elliot is to an unhealthy degree) and struggling to figure out to please someone (which is something that would cause Elliot a great deal of distress to be perfectly honest).

▷  currently  playing  ——  OH KLAHOMA  by  JACK STAUBER.

tears falling down at the party // saddest little baby in the room // fears, tell me fears, don’t get me started // i get a little grey hair for every scare you share

Honestly, Elliot could be either person in this song. For the most part Elliot would see himself as the person in this song that’s trying to console the other (possibly at the expense of their own mental health), but he could just as easily be the other person if he actually asked for help/comfort whenever he’s going through something.

▷  currently  playing  ——  HARD TIMES  by  PARAMORE.

all that i want // is to wake up fine // tell me that i’m alright // that i ain’t gonna die

Upbeat songs with sad lyrics just have an Elliot vibe to them. I think songs like this reflect that happy/put together front he puts on for everyone, even when he isn’t doing so great.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FAKE HAPPY  by  PARAMORE.

hey, if i smile with my teeth // bet you believe me // if i smile with my teeth // i think i believe me // oh please, don’t ask me how i’ve been // don’t make me pretend

Same reason Hard Times is on here. The lyrics definitely hammer the part of putting up a front for others home more.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAY LESS SAD  by  AJR.

i’m a-okay, i’m a-okay // you say it but you just don’t mean it

I think the mix of putting up a front and trying to remain optimistic even in life’s harder moments just fits Elliot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WONDERFUL LIFE  by  SMITH & BURROWS.

you know it feels unfair // there’s magic everywhere // look at me standing // here on my own again // up straight in the sunshine // no need to run and hide // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life // no need to laugh and cry // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life

There’s something about the softness of this song that just gives me Elliot vibes. But I think beyond that, it’s the mix of optimistic and pained lyrics that make me think of Elliot whenever I hear this song.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BLUE KNUCKLE  by  NIGHT BEDS.

i’ve been working like a surgeon // on some courage // lift my burden // i’ve been hurting // have you heard it

I just feel like the bits of this song that I relate to him scream, all the self-sacrificing I constantly do doesn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, but I’m not entirely sure how to change that without some help.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FREAKIN’ OUT ON THE INTERSTATE  by  BRISTON MARONEY.

i’m sorry i haven’t been myself // and something’s got me down // what it is, i cannot tell

1. He’s so concerned with others that I don’t think he necessarily knows how to pinpoint why something would bother him. 2. High anxiety hours.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FALSE CONFIDENCE  by  NOAH KAHAN.

and i wonder why i tear myself down to be built back up again // oh, i hope somehow, i’ll wake up young again // all that’s left of myself, holes in my false confidence

Themes of being hypercritical of oneself and insecurity which is something Elliot struggles a lot with under his surface level happiness.

▷  currently  playing  ——  COLD LOVE  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

and if i cry in your arms // just some other shit, just some other shit // just some other things that i’ve been dealing with // i’d die in your arms, bury me while playing this // bury me saying “you were all i ever needed” // and hold me like we’re dying from liquor that we drank // in hotel rooms, to feel warm in cold love

Originally, I only wanted to include this song for the first part of the lyrics I put here because it’s the same dismissive attitude Elliot has when it comes to taking care of himself. But the more I thought about it, I think Elliot is the type of person to find himself in doomed relationships because the give and take is never equal resulting in ‘dying/cold’ loves.

▷  currently  playing  ——  ALMOST HOME  by  MXMTOON.

i was just a kid // dreams were looking big and then i had to grow up // no one ever says // all the love you give might not be enough // broke my heart in two a couple times // before it hurt too much // i was such fool

I feel like Elliot was a relatively carefree child before becoming increasingly more and more concerned with how others saw him and feel like that’s kind of reflected in this song? Like growing is usually very different from how one imagines it when they’re a kid.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MELODY X  by  BONAPARTE.

you keep the light on // you keep the light on // you keep the night light on // hold your broken dream up high // oh, you know you try // oh, you know you try // it’s the worst case scenario lullaby // something’s gotta change (something’s gotta change)

Another song acknowledging how hecking hard life is and trying to remain hopeful in spite of it with a hint of being aware that something needs to change in Elliot’s life for him to really be happy.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NO ID  by  ANDREW APPLEPIE.

and suddenly you realize // that everything you’d ever told yourself were lies // and believe me i can sympathize // cause everything i ever thought i was made me cry

Overall, this song is about self-acceptance and growth, which is something Elliot is still working on. And it’s more so on here as Elliot being the person the singer is watching struggle with these things.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PRETENDER - ACOUSTIC  by  AJR.

i’m a good pretender // won’t you come see my show? // i got lots of problems // well, good thing nobody knows // oh, i’m insecure, i’m insecure // i think i like what i’m supposed to // like what i’m supposed to

Back on that putting up a front for everyone else because he thinks that’s for the better/expected of him bs!

▷  currently  playing  ——  BRAIN, BRAIN, GO AWAY  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

through the night my mind is racing // my inner voice and i debating // on everything i should be changing // can’t decide so i keep maintaining // i gotta contain my overactive mind

This song is on here because big anxiety hours and how truly exhausting it is to deal with.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MIND IS A PRISON  by  ALEC BENJAMIN.

sometimes, i think too much, yeah, i get so caught up // i’m always stuck in my head // i wish i could escape, i tried to yesterday alone with my thoughts again // guess my mind is a prison and i’m never gonna get out

Same exact reason why Brain, Brain, Go Away is on his playlist.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NUMB  by  MARINA.

i can’t open up and cry //  ‘cause i’ve been silent all my life // i feel numb most of the time // lower i get, higher // i’ll climb, and i will wonder why // i got dark only to // shine, looking for the golden light // oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice

One of the main reasons this song is included is because of a comment made on the lyric ‘oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice’ and how in this song it seems to imply sacrificing one’s well-being to impress others is fine and if that’s not Elliot’s biggest mood than I don’t know what is. But in addition to that, a lot of the other lyrics touch on internal struggles he deals with and trying to overcome them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NOBODY  by  MITSKI.

and i don’t want your pity // i just want somebody near me // guess i’m a coward // i just want to feel alright // and i know no one will save me

1. This is the type of song that sounds like “ooooo fun” but then you listen to the lyrics and it’s like “BOOM SADNESS” which is kind of Elliot’s song aesthetic if that makes sense? 2. Despite having people in his life that he’s close to, life can still feel very isolating when he’s not open about everything he has going on. 3. This song is an enneagram type two’s biggest fear so it just makes sense being here.

▷  currently  playing  ——  IT’S CALLED: FREEFALL  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

called to the devil and the devil said, ���hey! why you been calling so late? it’s like 2am and the bars all close at 10 in hell, that’s a rule i made” // anyway, you say you’re too busy saving everybody else to save yourself // and you don’t want no help, oh well

More on the idea that life can be very isolating when you struggle in silence and Elliot’s “gotta help everyone else over myself” mentality.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MINDLESS BLISS  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

always staying up to the sunrise // i can barely close my eyes // all i’m looking for is a good night // just for one night, just for one night // but i am wide awake, surviving day to day // i’m half alive in my own way // and i’m struggling with all the carrying

More big themes of anxiety and struggling with it.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAVES  by  DEAN LEWIS.

and it takes control of the person that i thought i was // the boy i used to know // but there is a light in the dark // and i feel it’s warmth // in my heart, in my hands // but why can’t i hold on?

Life’s always changing for better or worse and growing up you can think life is going to be one way just for it to be something completely different and I think Elliot can relate to that sentiment a lot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  KEEP  by  MOTHER MOTHER.

i write it down, but to read it doesn’t work // take it to town, but to be seen doesn’t work // smack it around, but that only make it worse // i make it worse // i meditate for a day, but it doesn’t help // get down and pray, i gotta say, what a living hell // i could escape but i know that all too well // it doesn’t help

Wanting to cope with things, but struggling to do so in a way that works which is a big Elliot mood.

▷  currently  playing  ——  DON’T WORRY, YOU WILL  by  LOVELYTHEBAND.

trying to stay positive // not an easy way to live // laugh right through the pain // she said i can’t find a thing i don’t like about you // and i’m like don’t worry, you will

More themes of being hypercritical of oneself, silently struggling, and putting up a charade to get others to like you or to please them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  GOODBYE  by  BO BURNHAM.

am i right back where i started fourteen years ago? // wanna guess the ending? if it ever does // i swear to god that all i’ve ever wanted was // a little bit of everything all of the time well, well, look who’s inside again // went out to look for a reason to hide again // well, well, buddy, you found it

Full disclosure, I only know this song from TikTok. But anyway! I just felt like the lyrics in the last bit of the song were super fitting: the fear of being back right back where he started before he got a little better at putting himself first, struggling to balance everything he wants/needs, dismissing his problems in favor or something lighthearted like a joke, looking for reasons to keep things to himself, etc.

[deansleather]

Overprotective

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Prompt(s): “What happened doesn’t change anything” for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing hiatus challenge week 10, The Grey Man for @sisterhoodofsam Monster Rejects 

Summary: All you want is to help Sam and Dean with hunts; this is the last thing in the world that Sam wants. You become determined to prove your capability, but sometimes the middle ground is the best place to be, especially when you love somebody. 

If you’d like to join any of my tag lists please message/ ask or add yourself to my google doc tag list! Whatever is easiest for you!

Word Count: 3688

Warnings: injury, blood, a lot of hunting, I tried my hand at a scarier type of writing in parts

A/N:  Kind of a new style (ish), just trying out scary. Please let me know what you think, because FEEDBACK IS LOVED AND NEEDED!!

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.” ― Mae West 

           Sam and you filled the silence only with the clanks of your forks touching plates. Dean had gone out for a drink earlier, and you were too heated to cook, especially not while Sam continued to stew over their current case. Takeout food seemed like the easiest option, except it took away all the simpler ice-breakers. “Dinner tastes great tonight, honey” is a whole hell of a lot easier than “You’re not hunting with us no matter how much you pout.” Sam cleared his throat.

           “Thanks for grabbing take out, Y/n/n,” he said. You nodded curtly.

           “Mhm,” you answered. “Good thing I’m strong enough to do that on my own, right?”

           He rolled his eyes, continuing the dinner into an ever more uncomfortable silence. You were dating a hunter for God’s sake, how did he expect this conversation not to come up? Of course you would want to help. He sat over books for hours, mulling and taking notes as he collected dust along with the rest of their library, leaving you alone in bed. He’d be gone for days, while you were stuck at home worrying. He and Dean were practically leaping in front of bullets to save each other without thought. Was it really all that crazy that you might want to help?

           You took your finished plates to the kitchen, sighing as you began to run the sink. You didn’t expect to become the bunker’s housewife, but you’d slowly morphed into the 50’s stereotype of a woman. Staying home, tidying up and looking after the house while Sam and Dean did all the real work. Screw that. You did your best to contain a growl as Sam wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. You remained focused on the dishes.

           “Y/n,” he murmured, nuzzling his face into your neck. “Talk to me.”

           “I’ll talk to you all night, Samuel,” you said. “But you don’t like my conversation topic.”

           “Bringing out the full name? Ouch.” You could feel him smirk. You’d yet to find anything amusing. “Look, it’s not that I think you can’t hunt, I just-“

           “No, that’s exactly what it is.” You spun around, poking at his chest with a soapy finger. “For whatever reason, you think I’m some prissy princess who can’t fend for herself. May I remind you, we met after I saved myself from a vampire?” His mouth was slightly agape as he fought for the words to say.

           “Yes, I remember Y/n, the head on the floor and all. Why would you want that to be your everyday life?”

           “Because I chose to date a man who hunts monsters. I knew what I was signing up for Sam.”

           “Yes, the worry, the stress, the fear.” Sam’s voice raised slightly. “You’re already sacrificing so much just being around us, why add more pressure?”

           “I’d feel a hell of a lot better if I was out there helping you bozos instead of stuck here like your maid!” Sam sighed, his exasperation just irking you more.

“I’ve always offered to help with cleaning, I was the one who did it before you moved in.”

“That’s not why I’m mad and you know it,” you muttered, pushing past him. Just as you were about to leave the kitchen, he called out to you.

“I don’t care how long you’re mad, Y/n.” His voice grew stern, though he just looked exhausted. “You’re not hunting with us. Ever.”

You held back from cursing, continuing to stalk off to your room, locking the door behind you. Fine, you thought. If I can’t hunt with you, I guess I’ll just do it myself.

~~~

           You rubbed your eyes, your hands tight on the wheel as you tried to fight your sleepiness. Exhaustion made you lose nearly all your speed, reflexes, and even some of your intelligence. It wasn’t the best state to be driving in, especially at night, but you were too close to the bunker to grab a hotel room for the night. After your fight with Sam, you became determined to find your own case and solve it by yourself, but that turned out to be quite difficult with them constantly on the lookout for cases, not to mention you shared a room with Sam. It was beyond frustrating, you felt like a grounded teen, stuck in the house all day. Today, you just couldn’t take it anymore, going out in the early morning and driving all day, leaving nothing but a note for Sam and then turning your phone off. It felt good to just drive, stopping only when you were hungry or there was something you wanted to see, but after a full day of it, your butt and legs were practically screaming at you.

           It was a straight shot, just continue down the back road and you’d eventually merge onto the gravel that led to the bunker. You could probably close your eyes right then and there just so long as you kept the wheel straight. Even with as good of a day as you had, a sense of unease crawled up your spine, the back of your neck feeling as though needles were pricking near your hairline. You turned on the car’s brights, keeping an intense eye on the world around your car. Something wasn’t right.

           Your hands held so tight to the wheel you were afraid you might break it, a cold sweat breaking on your forehead. What the hell was happening? Your breathing became labored as your chest collapsed in on itself, or at least it felt like. A panic attack had struck you, seemingly out of nowhere. As you continued down the road, your head lights did little to break through the thick fog. You couldn’t see at all, your only indication you were going the right way the gravel crunching beneath the weight of your car. The panic attack subsided, but the air of stress remained, your whole body hot with dread.

           Multiple things happened at once; all so fast you could hardly see any of it. You had cracked the window, just for the hope of some cool air. Just as you did, the fog began to enter the car, looking thicker than you’d remembered fog to. It stifled your breathing, and just as you were about to close the window, a dark cloaked figure emerged from the fog, standing mere feet away from the front of your car. Your instincts finally kicked in, and you quickly turned out of the way, the fog pushing you even harder in the direction. You were confused by the assistance until you saw what lied ahead; a large, impenetrable oak. As quick as your stressed body could, you slammed on the breaks, closing your eyes for what you hoped to be a gentle crash.

           Opening one eye at first, you took in what you could of your surroundings. No crash, no demonic being standing above you, everything was for the most part intact. With a deep breath, you backed away the from the forest, tearing ass to get home.

           You were freaked out when you finally parked in front of the bunker’s door but did your best to push it down. The boys were occupied with looking into some vamp case down south, there was no talk of a mysterious figure that fucked with you in the fog. There was no way you imagined it, no matter how exhausted you were, and you’re mind kept replaying the night over and over. You had just found your first solo case.

~~~

           Things were relatively quiet for a while after the incident. Truth be told, you didn’t even know where to begin with research, the bunker’s library so vast and seemingly unorganized. You figured there probably was some method to the chaos, Sam got around pretty easy, but you just couldn’t seem to pin it down. Besides, you really didn’t want to raise suspicions, and lugging around hundred-pound books definitely would. So, until you could figure out a better angle, you went along with your normal business.

           Even with dropping it for a bit, your mind was still consumed, making you a little airier to those around you. Sam was worried, but mostly just glad you were talking to him again. Dean was oblivious to your drama as per usual, too caught up in his own mental state to worry about much else around him. You tried to find joy in your usual passions; reading, TV, sleeping. None of it worked, the dark figure from that foggy night haunted your every thought.

           The boys eventually gathered up enough data to go hunt the vamps, their packing making you both anxious and eager. Finally, you were getting the chance to solve a case on your own, prove to both yourself and the boys that you were more than capable, but fear seemed to trickle slowly into your mind. What if you couldn’t handle it? If you died, you knew that both Sam and Dean would surely feel to blame, holding that guilt until their last breath. Were you just being silly, rebelling against the perfectly comfortable status quo? The thoughts seemed to swallow you whole, but the brothers were off before you could change your mind, a sweet kiss from Sam as your hopefully temporary goodbye.

           It was only a couple days since they’d left, but you already felt like you were going insane. You were certain that Sam must have magic powers, as there was no way in hell that there was a rhyme or reason to the library. You were alone in the bunker, too scared to go outside without some solid lead on not only what you were hunting, but how to kill the bastard. After day four, you decided to consume your thoughts into another healthier passion; cooking.

           You opened the fridge with slight apprehension, for whatever reason. What, was the monster hiding in the veggie drawer? You knew better, but something did feel off. As you stood peering into the fridge, the most horrendous smell began emanating out, making you grimace and quickly slam it shut. Immediately, that sense of dread returned, just like the night of your almost wreck, crawling up and down your spine. You went into overdrive, doing everything you could think of to protect yourself. You grabbed out an iron knife and a flask of holy water, some salt from the cabinet, and a cross from the wall, hurrying to the couch. You quickly sprinkled a circle of salt all around it, hopping in with just seconds to spare. As you looked around, you saw the thick fog surrounding you, closing in ever so slowly. It was almost cruel, how slowly it was moving towards you, just stretching out the anticipation. Your breathing was labored, your head feeling light. You should’ve called the boys, but even at your lowest point, you couldn’t put down your stubborn ways.    

           You were about to bite the bullet and just call when you noticed the fog had stopped. Looking down, it paused at the circle of salt, wrapping around and searching for a crack. You sighed heavily, rubbing your face in relief.

           “Well,” you muttered to yourself. “Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”

~~~

           Luckily, when you woke up the fog was gone, but that didn’t stop you from taking a few hours to leave the safety of the salt ring. Eventually, your stomach yelled at you to brave the kitchen. The smell from the night before remained, making you gag. As you peered into the fridge you noticed all perishables were moldy, even the freshest stuff. You scavenged the cabinets, and the only thing you could find that wasn’t decomposing before your eyes was a box of crackers. It would have to do.

           You ran to the bedroom, grabbing your laptop and some more practical, possible-hunt clothes, shamelessly returning to your hideout on the couch as fast as possible. You knew it wasn’t “professional” (was that even a thing when it came to hunting?) but you resorted to google. It wasn’t like you were getting very far with the bunker’s resources anyway.

           Nothing for fog monsters fit, neither for car accident monsters. You went through every possible wording of your situation and nada. With a jaded sigh, you attempted one last useless search; rotten food monster. It was laughable, but it was all you had left. Of course, nothing grand came up instantly, but you did look through some online food forums, just for the hell of it. You were ready to give up, but then you read the latest comment.

           The potato rot has been increasingly bad for me as well. It has been quite foggy in Ireland lately, perhaps I’ve got the Fear Liath after me!

           You read the line over and over. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Entering in the name she had used, you miraculously found some leads at last. The Fear Liath, or The Grey Man as he was more casually called, originated in Irish and Scottish folk lore. He was an omen, known for causing wrecks. It was all there; the rotting food, the foggy figure, the car crashes. You had finally found your monster. Now; how to kill the thing.

           It was considered a fairy, so the salt and iron knife were key, but not so much on the holy water. Still, you didn’t think you could exactly stab the thing, not without being able to see within the fog. There had to be a way. Fifteen pages into Google later, you finally found something.

           “The Grey Man was once considered a God until the surge of Christianity demoted him to fae. He is said to be bitter about it still, his wrath falling particularly hard on those with religious affiliation.” You were friends with an angel, after all. “If you feel The Grey Man is haunting you, get him off your back with a simple Christian prayer. The more iron crosses, the better.”

           It seemed way too simple, but what options did you have? With a deep breath, you emerged from your salt circle, grabbing the few iron crosses from the walls. You looked up the first prayer you could think of, holding your phone and the crosses in a death grip as you left the bunker. You hadn’t thought about how you’d get him to come back, but you didn’t have to worry long. The same panic washed over you once more, the fog moving in slowly towards you. You swallowed, seeing the outline of The Grey Man within. You held up the crosses, spitting out the prayer as fast as you could. The fog slowly dissipated as you did, but the figure still remained. Why were these damn prayers so long? You tripped over the words as he got closer and closer, the blood rushing to your head, making it difficult to even see the words on your phone. The closer he got, the more intense the panic became. Finally, you reached the end of the prayer.

           You looked up reluctantly, watching as the fog continued to dissipate into weak wisps, the figure within blending out as well. You heard a pained scream come from within the fog, so loud you covered your ears, taking a few steps back. With one more scream, the fog seemed to explode, completely dispersing. You took a few moments to breathe, watching for any other signs of him. As the panic subsided entirely, you felt sure that you had done it. First case down.

           You smiled to yourself, letting out a shocked laugh. You did it, all by yourself, on something as ambiguous as a fog monster. You felt on top of the world, dropping off the crosses and grabbing your keys from the bunker. You drove to a dive bar not far from the bunker, feeling the need for a celebratory drink. You usually left the drinking to Dean, but after the anxiety of the last few days, you felt you deserved it. You no more than parked when your phone began to ring. Sam. You answered in a cheerful tone, finding it difficult not to gloat right then and there.

           “Hey baby, what’s up?”

           “Y/n,” he said, his voice thick. Your eyebrows pulled together.

           “Are you crying? What’s going on?”  You revved your engine, tearing back onto the road without second thought. That was a no on the drink, you guessed.

           “There’s…there’s so many of them. They have Dean. I’ve called every hunter I can think of, no one’s picking up. Not even Cas.” It was the first time you’d ever heard Sam so scared; he hardly ever showed it when he was.

           “Send me the address,” you said. “I’m on my way.”

~~~

           You drove past some old building’s parking lot. While abandoned, there were plenty of cars parked. You continued on, parking on the side of the street where you saw the Impala. He had parked near a cornfield, the high stalks hiding both of you from any peering eyes. You hopped out the car, running into Sam’s arms as he leaned against the Impala.

           “Oh Y/n,” he murmured, his voice muffled as he nuzzled into your neck. “I’m so sorry I had to bring you into this.”

           “Stop it,” you said, pulling back slightly. You patted his cheek, looking him in the eyes. “I’d do anything for both of you. I’m glad you’re finally letting me help.” He swallowed, obviously not as glad as you. You grabbed the keys from his hand, opening up the trunk and grabbing two machetes. You handed one to him.

           “Let’s do this, shall we?” He nodded, leading the way towards the creepy building.

~~~

           You stood, hunched over, taking a moment to catch your breath. They were finally all dead, all the vamps wiped from existence. Somewhere amidst the chaos, you and Sam split up, which was a notoriously bad idea. You went through the rooms of the building tentatively, worried about a last-minute ambush. It seemed all the vamps were truly dead, because you were confronted by a copious amount of blood on the floor, and no one was on their knees with a straw. The only two people in the room were Sam and Dean, Sam only the floor, unconscious.

           “Sam!” You were by him in an instant, feeling his pulse and pushing the hair from his face. “C’mon baby, talk to me.” Unintelligible mumbles. You looked to Dean for guidance. You knew how to deal with killing vamps, researching, hunting, but you had no clue how to deal with this. Dean looked just as panicked, which did little to comfort. In a moment of clarity and pure adrenaline, you realized you needed to move, and quick.

           “Let’s carry him,” you demanded, standing and grabbing one of his arms. Dean followed suit, no questions asked. He looked pretty rough around the edges himself, but you could hardly think about anything but Sam.

           “We need to hurry,” Dean said, more to himself than anything. You nodded.

           “Yeah,” you replied. “Because I’m not losing him.”

           “You and me both, Y/n.”

~~~

           At long last, Sam’s eye fluttered open. Your heart sped, so thankful to see those pretty eyes again. You stood from your uncomfortable chair and moved to him, stroking his hair mindlessly. You hated hospitals with all your might, but you’d live there if it meant being with Sam.

           “Hi baby,” he coughed, his voice raspy. You shook your head.

           “Don’t strain yourself,” you said, stroking his cheek. “Just get better.” He nodded, letting his eyes rest again. You sat on the edge of the hospital bed, the beeping from the machines around you becoming a comfortable lullaby. You held his hand, probably too tight, but you couldn’t let go. You just needed him, needed to know that he was okay.

           “What happened doesn’t change anything,” he rasped, finally breaking the silence.

           “What?”

           “I still don’t want you hunting.” You laughed humorlessly, shaking your head.

           “May I remind you, you’re the one in the hospital bed, not me? And that I’m the one who saved both your ass and Dean’s?”

           “I know,” he groaned. “And I know you’ll hold that over my head forever. But I won’t risk you being in my spot.”

           “You know, I solved a whole case on my own while you were gone,” you said, reveling in your own glory once more. You even shimmied a bit. The beeping on the monitor increased exponentially.

           “What?” His panic was evident, somehow making him look even paler. Suddenly, you didn’t feel as proud. With the look on Sam’s face…you almost felt ashamed. You weighed your options; that case was supposed to be your proving point, the evidence to show you could handle the life. With the condition that he was in and his constant doting over you, you were afraid the news might break him. You shook your head, faking a laugh.

           “I’m kidding, dufus.” He rolled his eyes, smiling in relief.

           “Good, because then I’d have to kill you, and I’d never be able to leave you alone again.” he joked, though there was a serious note to his voice. It was only partly a joke, and you both knew it.

           “Hmm, I don’t know. That sounds pretty nice to me. You know, minus the killing part, of course.”

           He scoffed, looking at your intertwined hands for a moment. His expression softened, his eyes glazing over slightly. He held them up.

           “You see this? Us?” he said. You nodded. “I don’t want to lose this. I can’t.” You sighed. A few days before, you would have debated with him to hell and back, but after seeing Sam in pain… you were tempted to stop him from hunting. You looked out the window, thinking. It couldn’t be dropped; you were dating a hunter, living in a hunter info hub, and friends with an angel. This life was your life now, whether Sam liked it or not. But then you thought back to those nights alone, how terrified and unsure you were. It definitely wasn’t as thrilling as you’d imagined.

           “Alright,” you murmured, looking him in the eyes. “I’ll make you a deal. We’ll take baby steps.”

           “Baby steps?” He raised an eyebrow, a subtle smirk forming on his lips. He always loved your little deals.

           “Yeah. You know, there’s no need to become a full-on hunter at once. I just ask that you let me tag along and help when I can.” You smiled, flitting your eyelashes at him. “Deal?” He groaned, but nodded.

           “How am I supposed to say no to that face?” You giggled, leaning down to kiss him. His hand cupped your jaw, both of you smiling into the kiss. “But I still might never leave you alone again. You know, just for…safe keeping.”

           “I’ll allow it,” you relented, lying beside him in the bed. You rested your hand on his chest, just thankful to still feel a beat. No matter what, you could never lose that.

~~~~~~~

It’s late so I’m adding Michelle’s and the Pond’s tags later

Forever and Sam Tags: 

@jarnesbrnes @spnashley @aprofoundbondwithdean @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @waywardlullabies @teamfreewill-imagine  @lucifer-in-leather @sunkissedsamantha @chaos-and-the-calm67 @purgatoan @stardustsam @secret-stashes @supernatural-jackles @winvhesters @nerdwholikesword @frenchybell @feelmyroarrrr @obsessedwithmisha @wanderingcas @diestiel @kittenofdoomage @fandommaniacx @trinityjadec @hanny-banannyyy  @nothingtoworryaboat @growningupgeek @d-s-winchester @mysteriouslyme81 @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @jpadjackles @mogaruke @satans666thdaughter @bobbysingerismybaby @keepcalmandcarryondean @thinkwritexpress-official @ruprecht0420 @My-Favorite-Fiction67 @deanjensengirlmaggie @bohowitch @captain-princess-rose @ophcelia @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @wildfirewinchester @muliermalefici @beachy2014

[wilczawisnia]

Snape Appreciation Month: Day #1 - General Snape Love

One of the reasons to love Severus Snape is pretty simple, on the whole. He is a good teacher (stay away, haters, I’m not talking about his class behaviour here - it’s in a more metaphorical sense), just not in the way most people realise, because his true lessons are about life. You can also learn from his mistakes, instead of making them on your own. This is what Severus Snape taught me:

#1 Life is not fair.

Repeated over and over again, to the point where there is no single person that hasn’t heard about it (or so I believe). It’s easy to go on a self-pity trip, it really is. What always keeps me in check is that quiet voice, drawling into my ear, “life is not fair, Ms. J.” Funny, you know, how it helps to realise that the whole world is not out to get me, and that there may be people who have it worse than me, so I’ve learnt to appreciate what I have. I still have it better than Severus ever did.

#2 Not everyone has to look like Mister/Miss Universum.

It’s actually refreshing to see a fictional character who doesn’t look like super handsome/pretty movies stars or models and it’s really cool when your favourite character is like that. Instead of feeling inadequate (because everyone must be pretty and prefect in fiction and real life), you (general you) may feel reassured that’s not the point. (Really, one of the things I love about Severus is his physical appearance. I also feel sorry for him because of his hair, because mine tends to look stringy shortly after washing if it’s longer. Plus, long or big or hooked noses are cool.)

#3 People go through a lot during their lives and some of them don’t turn out that well in the end.

If anything, Severus Snape, unlike what others try to push on me, taught me that in fact everyone struggles, some people just manage better than others. Getting over trauma is not about choice, but about support. And once again he made me appreciate what I have had and where I am now. He’s also opened my eyes to people who haven’t been as lucky as I am. And no, I don’t agree with every single thing that Severus does. Why would I? So, please, excuse me that I find the comfort in existence of a fictional character that didn’t turn out an angel in the end, but remained more human. I can see him struggle at times and this is something I can relate to.

#4 People aren’t just good or bad; they all are somewhere in-between.

Actually it’s kind of laughable to insist that everything is good or bad and nothing in-between, because humans tend be both at once. They are 100% capable of being cruel to some people and deeply caring of others. And Severus Snape is just like that. Neither do the good things erase the bad things he did, nor do the bad things erase the good things he did. (His reasons do not excuse his actions.) He’s just a complicated mix of things where some of his traits contradicts the others. He is a human. Plain and simple. If you don’t believe me that the world works like that, look around. Feel free to find me that one angel who’s never done anything wrong in their life.

#5 “Sometimes costs are made to be borne.”

You know, this one is Severus Snape’s actually, not mine. The hardest lesson in life to learn is that some decisions come with a high price. And sometimes you have to sacrifice something precious to you for the sake of achieving something better and bigger for somebody else. It’s really sad that so many readers can’t see that Severus Snape could have backed off Dumbledore’s plan and save himself. And yet he didn’t. He kept it up to the end, ultimately sacrificing himself. The very main reason why Harry calls him brave.

#6 What people say and what people do are two completely different things. 

It’s a curious thing that the very same people who insist that Severus Snape wanted to give Sirius to Dementors and didn’t care about the fact he was innocent, ignore the fact that Severus didn’t do that when he had a chance (not to mention he had no means to know about Sirius innocence at that time, but I digrees). Instead Severus collected the unconscious man, and even conjured a stretcher for him, and took him back to the castle where Sirius was safe from Dementors. Intentionally or not, he actually aided Sirius in his escape. If you dig deeper, I’m pretty sure there are more events like this in the books. No need to be a genius to see that happen in real life as well. Unless you close your eyes, that’s it.

Bonus:

#7 “Control your emotions.”

Severus’ again. Lose your head and you’ll lose everything. I think that Severus Snape knows the best how true the statement is, even though he doesn’t always manage to follow his own advice.

#8 No matter what you do, people will still find reasons to hate you.

Like you know, Severus Snape spent years spying for the Order and risking his life in the process and even turned himself into a villain for the sake of Dumbledore’s plan, but apparently all of these things make him selfish... okay... So, be yourself and make sure you won’t be ashamed of choices you’ve made, because people will find something to pick on anyway.

Well, I hope it’s general enough.

[didimentionthemoorhen-blog]

Musings on Love

I was catching up on the BBC show ‘Ambulance’ this evening and a paramedic was talking about her upcoming wedding after having attended a call from an elderly couple. She said something which really struck a chord with me. I don’t know her name to credit her but she observed that when she responds to calls from the elderly, they generally have their husbands and wives by their sides but young people don’t. Then she said: 

“It’s too easy to throw things away. The older generation stuck together through thick and thin”.

I think she has a very good point. These days so many people flit between relationships or bail as soon as it gets hard. Instead of finding solutions and really working together on a relationship, we too often stay silent and end up resenting each other and eventually driving the other person away, or turning to someone else for comfort. The phrase “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” does us no favours in that respect. We treat people and relationships as though they are disposable, and then wonder why we are alone. Whilst the introduction of divorce was a positive change to society and allowed people the freedom to change their minds about their choice of life partner, it also, in my opinion, has undermined the importance of marriage as people know there is a get out clause. In the UK, fewer people are getting married, with people often opting to cohabit. However, those who do get married have a 42% chance of getting divorced. Whilst I do think the concept of marriage is rather archaic and it’s frustrating that so many aspects of life are made easier by having that piece of paper (e.g. tax, getting a mortgage, guardianship of children), I do find it sort of depressing that people aren’t willing to commit to the permanence, security, and commitment that marriage is meant to provide. Obviously being married doesn’t guarantee relationship success (as demonstrated by the 42% divorcing), and those that do stay married are obviously not all going to be happy, and I’m sure cohabiting couples are just as content and secure as the happy married couples. However, there is something reassuring about two people being willing to stand in front of all of their friends and family and openly profess their love and dedication to each other, with the genuine intention of never giving up on that person and sticking by them no matter what life throws at them. I came across the following quote/meme online a week or two ago and it really does encapsulate my opinion on what loving someone in terms of choosing a partner etc is:

Love isn’t just butterflies in your stomach, and sharing the same interests, and being physically attracted to someone. Yes, love is generally a subconscious reaction and feeling, an inexplicable connection, however, in order to make a relationship work, you have to make choices. You have to choose to forgive. You have to choose to compromise. You have to choose to listen and to trust and to consider somebody else’s needs and wants as well as your own. You have to make sacrifices and you have to share your time and your money and your soul. You have to accept another person’s flaws and listen to their deepest darkest secrets and fears and help them follow their dreams and aspirations. You have to drag them through the darkness and let them do the same for you. 

But it has to be a two way thing. It has to be equal and it has to be fair. One person can’t take on everything while the other does nothing. Yes there will be imbalances and there will be good times and bad times where one of you is holding the other’s head above water, and nearly drowning yourself in the process, but the important thing is that when the tables are turned, they do the same for you. There will be times when you’re both so down or busy that you’re kind of treading water alongside each other holding hands as opposed to one of you dragging the other out of the water and saving them. Just the mere presence of that special someone drowning next to you is enough to give you the strength and determination to keep your head above the water. There will be times when you accidentally push the other under the water, but then you pull them straight out as soon as you realise what you’ve done and apologise and they forgive you because they know it was not intentional but ask that you please be more careful in the future.

Some relationships aren’t like that. In some relationships one person may lose their butterflies for a while, but they know that they want nobody else by their side and so they keep making their choices to stay with their partner until the butterflies come back. Sometimes they don’t come back but it doesn’t matter because even without the butterflies, you want to be with that person no matter what. Sometimes the butterflies are make and break and no matter how much you like and respect the other person, you just can’t live a life without butterflies. Sometimes there are the butterflies but there are too many compromises to be made and it’s not worth sacrificing so much of both of yourselves simply because of butterflies. And sometimes, one person might have the butterflies, and they might make all the right choices and do everything they can to make the relationship work, whilst the other person rips the wings off the butterflies one by one. They push that person into the water on purpose and they hold them under for a bit before dragging them out, just to do it again. And the victim is coughing and spluttering and scared and upset, and then they get pulled out of the water and resuscitated and they can breathe again and they are so grateful to be alive and to be on dry land that they thank their ‘partner’ for rescuing them, and their brain and their heart makes them focus on that, and not the fact that the person who saved them was the reason they needed rescuing in the first place. And eventually, all the butterflies are dead. And the person’s lungs are filled with water. And then there’s a new choice: let yourself die, slowly and painfully, or shout for help, accept a life ring, and swim like hell away from that person.

So yes, there is a place for divorce, and there are countless cases where a second chance was more than enough. I am not saying that you should tolerate anything that you are not comfortable with or does not make you happy. My point is merely that if you do genuinely love somebody, and they feel the same way, you have to accept that it isn’t a fairytale. It isn’t all smiles and roses and midnight walks on the beach and happy family dinners and never arguing. Love is paying bills, missing each other because you have to go to work, or you’ve just had a baby and get no couple time for a while. Love is standing by someone through their bad days, weeks, months, or even years and helping them through it, and them being there for you too. Love is crying into someone’s chest or lap at 3am when you can’t sleep and the world feels like it’s caving in. Love is having a blazing row and then forgiving each other and working through the issue when you’ve calmed down. Love is accepting somebody as a whole, every tiny little bit of them, no matter how ugly other people might see them. 

But you must also remember to love yourself, and recognise when the love you think you have for someone else is killing you, and know when to walk away in order to protect yourself. Love needs to be a two way thing and someone who dismantles you piece by piece or leaves you to drown does not love you, no matter how much you think you love them or want them to love you back.