#yeah its dice again i have a problem so what

[zueboshi]

im finally drawing something again

[purrincess-chat]

In Breakable Heaven CH1

It's @ladrienjune yall!

And I know what you're all thinking

But I finally wrote something! One chapter of a thing. For now, but more will be coming, I promise! As I mentioned previously, I am moving for the next couple weeks, but I will hopefully have some down time to write here and there. I also still need to plan the ending for this fic, but shhhhh that's future Cat's problem ;) Anywho, here's the beginning of a Ladrien secret-dating adventure. Enjoy~

This chapter covers days 6, 7, and 8 (social media, jealousy, and biggest fan respectively).

Read on AO3

Rating: G

Summary:

When Adrien wins a contest on the Ladyblog, he catches the attention of Ladybug herself and scores more than just an opportunity to hang out with her. Caught in a fever dream high, the two lovebirds try to navigate their budding relationship away from the public eye and find that keeping secrets is a lot harder than they anticipated. Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, what doesn't kill them makes them want each other more, and they'll do whatever it takes to stay in breakable heaven.

Chapter 1

“You Play Stupid Games, You Win Stupid Prizes”

“Alright, Bugheads, now onto the big announcement! With summer holidays coming up, I thought it would be a fun time to host a little contest, and ask the question: How well you know our resident superheroine? I’ve created a quiz that only the most die-hard fans will be able to pass because the stakes on this one are high. The person with the highest score will get to spend an afternoon with Ladybug! And don’t worry, this was approved by the head bug herself! Details for entry are listed below. Best of luck to all of you, and don’t forget to stay connected!”  Alya’s cheery lilt ended on Adrien’s computer screen, and he leaned back in his chair.

“A whole afternoon with Ladybug?” He swooned.

“What’s the big deal? You already spend every afternoon with her.” Plagg hovered over Adrien’s head with a wedge of cheese.

“Yeah, when we’re fighting bad guys,” Adrien said pointedly. “She never wants to spend time with me outside of work. This could be my chance to finally see a movie with her.”

“What’s the appeal of seeing a movie anyway? You just sit next to each other in silence for several hours. The only plus is the buttery popcorn with its salty, crunchy, oily goodness...” Plagg shoved the cheese into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “On second thought, why don’t you and I go see a movie? I’m much better company.”

Adrien rolled his eyes and clicked the leaderboard in the comments of Alya’s post. Someone had already gotten a decently high score on the quiz, only a few points away from perfect. A few scrolls down, the same username popped up again, and Adrien’s grip tightened on his mouse.

ladybugsfuturebf: Good luck beating my score! Only Ladybug herself could score higher. Can’t wait to spend one-on-one time with her on our date!

“Who does this guy think he is? A date? Ladybug’s future boyfriend? Before me?” Adrien scoffed.

“Need I remind you, the contest is to win a chance to hang out with her, not date her,” Plagg said.

What kind of flowers do you think she likes? Oh, wait! I already answered that on the quiz! She’s gonna be so impressed she’ll forget all about Chat Noir.

Adrien’s teeth ground together. There was no way such a boastful, arrogant person was in the lead. And forget about him? Please, he was Ladybug’s best friend! No one knew her better than him. He could ace that quiz in no time.

“What are you doing?” Plagg sighed as Adrien clicked the entry form.

“Oh, come on, Plagg. I can’t let that guy win! If anyone is going to win a date with Ladybug, it’s me! I know her better than anyone,” Adrien said.

Plagg floated down in front of his face. “And you don’t think it’s going to be a problem if you get a perfect score? Let’s just broadcast to the world that you’re Chat Noir!”

“I’m not that dense, Plagg.” Adrien waved him out of the way. “I’ll sign up with a fake email and username. No one will ever know Adrien Agreste won.”

Pursing his lips, he tapped the keys of his keyboard in thought on the account creation screen. He needed something inconspicuous, but not too mysterious. Something that wouldn’t be surprising when Chat Noir revealed himself as the winner, but also, not something that would be a dead giveaway that it was him. He didn’t want Ladybug to disqualify him for cheating. Besides, he wasn’t really cheating. There were no rules that her best friend and partner couldn’t enter…

He’d keep it simple but on brand — thecatsmeow had a nice ring to it, and it was surprisingly not taken. Now that his account was squared away, he just had to pass the quiz. 40 questions? Piece of cake.

What is Ladybug’s favorite color? Easy, pink.

Favorite musical artist? Jagged Stone.

Eye color?

It was almost sad how easy the questions were, and before he knew it, he’d finished. Adrien sat back as the site tabulated his score, and Plagg came to a rest on the top of his chair. A perfect score flashed on the screen, and Adrien shot up with a whoop.

“Yes! Take that ladybugsfuturebf!” he cheered.

“Don’t you think Ladybug is going to be mad when she finds out you won?” Plagg asked.

“Oh, come on. If anything, this just proves how much I pay attention. She’ll be impressed that I know her so well,” he said. At Plagg’s skeptical expression, Adrien sat back down. “And she’s not going to have a choice because I won fair and square.”

“You’re delusional.” Plagg floated off.

Adrien shrugged it off, smiling at his username at the top of the leaderboard. He was finally going to get that movie date with Ladybug! Nothing was going to sour his mood.

***

The next day, Adrien arrived at school as usual, shutting the door to his silver town car without a second thought. After winning the date with Ladybug, he was on cloud nine, imaging how romantic it would be in the dark theater. Maybe he’d pick a horror movie and hold her when she got scared. Oh! And their hands could brush as they both reached for popcorn at the same time! Entering the contest was the best idea he’d ever had.

“There’s no way it’s not him. Chat Noir totally won the contest,” Alya said as he entered the classroom.

Adrien stopped in his tracks. Okay, maybe not his best idea, but it was fine because he used a fake account. There was no way they traced it back to him.

None of them paid him any mind as he took his seat beside Nino, who was tapping his chin in thought.

“But why would Chat Noir need to enter a contest to spend time with Ladybug. He spends like the most time with her out of everyone,” Nino said.

“It’s so obvious. He’s been trying to get her to go to the movies with him for like ever, and now she has to say yes,” Alya said.

“Shouldn’t that be against the rules or something?” Marinette asked. “I mean, they spend so much time together, of course he’d know all the answers.”

“I’m willing to allow it because I think it’s really funny, and I don’t mind being Chat Noir’s wing woman.” She shrugged.

“Alya!” Marinette gasped.

“What? I want them to get together. Sue me.” Alya giggled.

“Hey, didn’t all the contestants have to have valid accounts to enter? What’s the name on the email address for the username that won?” Nino asked.

Adrien stiffened.

“Way ahead of you,” Alya said. “I looked right after the results posted, but the email is registered to an obvious alias, which further proves that it’s Chat Noir. He wouldn’t use his real name. He may not always look it, but he’s a smart cat.”

He wasn’t sure if he should be offended by that statement or not.  

“Dang, would have been cool if we learned who he was,” Nino said.

Adrien breathed a sigh of relief when they let it drop. Everything was fine, and Alya wasn’t going to disqualify him. He could already taste the popcorn!

“Ya know,” it was Max who spoke up, having stopped midway up the stairs to his desk upon overhearing their conversation, “if you’re interested in knowing who the account really belongs to, I can track the IP address.”

Adrien’s heart shot up to his throat.

“Wait, for real?” Alya perked up.

“That would be totally awesome!” Nino added.

Maybe it would be fine. His father paid for crazy firewalls to protect his design secrets. No way anyone could get through them… Right?

“I recently upgraded Markov’s tracking capacity. I can crack a low-grade military firewall and find an address with pin-point accuracy,” Max said.

Most of the time, Adrien was amazed at Max’s genius, but today he was terrified of it. Plagg was right, entering the quiz was a surefire way to get him caught!

“Guys, that’s an invasion of privacy! Besides, don’t you think it will be dangerous if it is Chat Noir? I mean, exposing his identity will lead Hawkmoth right to his door. You’re practically handing him his Miraculous,” Marinette, his sweet pig-tailed savior, said.

Adrien cleared his throat and turned around, “Yeah, Marinette’s right. I think it will cause more trouble than it’s worth.” For him specifically.

“Chill out, I’m not going to post it online or anything. I just think if we knew who he was we could help him. I can be the girl on the ground, and I can also give him tips to fix his pitiful attempts at flirting with Ladybug,” Alya said.

Pitiful! Oh, she was definitely getting snubbed next time she asked for an interview.

“Alya, it’s dangerous and wrong. Even if he entered the contest for selfish reasons, that doesn’t mean you can invade his privacy like that.” Marinette chided. “Promise me you won’t look into it. It would put all of you and him in danger.”

Alya pursed her lips, exchanging glances with Max and Nino before slumping in her seat.

“Fine, I won’t look into it,” she said.

“Good,” Marinette said as Mlle. Bustier entered and called for everyone to find their seats.

Adrien turned back around, breathing out a ragged sigh. That was close, but it had all worked out in the end. He’d have to stop by the bakery later and buy a caseload of chouquettes to thank Marinette. Her level-head really saved his hide.

As the day wore on, Adrien pushed the morning’s conversation from his mind, though he had a feeling Plagg would give him an earful about it later. It would all be worth it when he and Ladybug finally went on their date. Could he get cherry blossoms this time of year? They were just barely out of season, but he could probably pull a few strings.

He pulled out his phone to check as he entered the library, and he’d almost found a promising listing when he rounded the corner and found Alya and Max crowded around a laptop at a table. Ducking back behind the bookshelf, he strained his ears to listen.

“His firewall is surprisingly good, it may take me a while to crack,” Max was saying.

“But you can definitely get around it?” Alya asked.

“Of course, what do you take me for?” Max scoffed.

They were going through with it after all! Adrien’s heart sped up, his palms growing shaky and sweaty. He should go over to their table and call them out for going back on their word, but would it be suspicious if he got onto them? Why would he be so bent on keeping Chat Noir’s identity secret unless he was Chat Noir? This was bad! What should he do?

Adrien bolted from the library, peering out over the railing at the courtyard below. Marinette was sketching quietly on a bench, and he raced to her side. She looked up at him with wide eyes, recoiling back with a nervous smile, probably in response to how desperate and deranged he looked, but there was no time to worry about that.

“Marinette, we have to stop Alya and Max. They’re in the library trying to crack Chat Noir’s firewall right now!” He panted.

“What?” She abandoned her sketchbook on the bench and took the lead back up the stairs to the library.

She burst through the doors and stormed over to their table, and Adrien did his best to look supportive but not too panicked. Alya winced when she saw them, and Marinette placed her hands on her hips.

“So, you were just going to go behind my back and do it anyways?” She scoffed.

“I’m sorry, girl! But think of how much good we could do if we could team up and help him!” Alya said.

“Think of how much danger you’re putting yourselves in! If Hawkmoth finds out you know his identity, he’ll come after you and your families. What if one of you gets akumatized? You could get hurt. Chat Noir could get hurt or worse!” Marinette said.

“She’s right. You guys shouldn’t go through with this,” Adrien added.

“I’m almost through the firewall,” Max said.

“Call it off, Max!” Marinette ordered.

“Keep going! We’re so close!” Alya pleaded. She turned to Marinette and pressed her palms together. “Look, I know it’s risky, but what if we can help take down Hawkmoth? That’s worth the risk, right?”

“It’s not our job! We don’t have superpowers, and it can put us and the people we love in danger!” Marinette placed her hands on Alya’s shoulders. “Please, stop.”

“Girl, I know you’re scared for me, but I promise I’ll be careful. ‘All that’s necessary for the triumph of evil-”

“That doesn’t apply here!” Marinette shook her head.

“I made it through the firewall!” Max said. “A few more seconds, and I can tell you exactly where he lives.”

Marinette and Alya were at a stand-off, and every clack of Max’s keyboard was a nail in Adrien’s coffin. He didn’t have a choice, but if they were going to find out it was him, he was going to do whatever it took to convince them he wasn’t Chat Noir. He just hoped Ladybug didn’t think he was a total freak afterward.

“It’s me!” He blurted. When Marinette and Alya turned to him with quirked brows, he let out a sigh. “I’m the one who won the contest. I’m thecatsmeow.”

Max’s keyboard went silent, and he turned the screen to face them where Adrien’s home address was flashing. “He’s telling the truth.”

“Whoa, so you’re Chat Noir?” Alya grinned.

“No!” Adrien held up cautioning hands. “I’m just, uhh, I didn’t want my father to know I entered, so I used a fake profile. There’s no way he would have let me go if he knew about it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Marinette asked.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck and averted his gaze. “I guess I was just embarrassed. I didn’t want any of you to think less of me.”

“I don’t think less of you!” Marinette assured him. “I-I mean, you won the contest fair and square, and you had every right to enter.”

Alya’s eyes narrowed, and Adrien shrank under her gaze.

“I’m still not entirely convinced. Ladybug and I made some of those questions crazy specific. How would you know she doesn’t like anchovies on her pizza, or that she likes lemon in her tea?” Alya crossed her arms over her chest.

“I… have a lot of money and free time.” He shrugged. “I got a bunch of drone cameras and spy equipment, and I watch her and Chat Noir all the time.” When everyone stared at him with wide eyes, he quickly added, “Not in a creepy way! I just admire her.”

“…You don’t know her identity, do you?” Marinette asked.

“No, of course not! I’d never do something like that.” Adrien shook his head. “I’m just…her biggest fan.”

Alya looked him up and down, her skeptical expression giving way to a smile. “You could have just said something. I mean, you know how freak-crazy I am about all of this. I would have understood.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just used to keeping a lot of my interests a secret because I have my father’s brand to consider — and my father to consider. If he knew what I was doing, he’d put an end to it immediately.” Adrien traced his thumb over his ring behind his back.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about us. Your secret’s safe.” Alya placed a hand on his shoulder with a wink. “Though, I may need to borrow your drone from time to time as payment.”

“Alya,” Marinette said in a warning tone.

“We’ll discuss the details later,” she said. “And if you ever want to talk Ladybug, I’m always here.”

“Thanks.” He smiled, letting his shoulders relax.

“Though, I am still a bit confused on your logic. I mean, you won the contest, so you were going to have to reveal it was you eventually to claim your prize. What was your plan there?” Alya quirked a brow.

“Uhh, wear a disguise?” Adrien said with a wince.

Alya threw her head back with a laugh. “Well, congrats on winning. I’ll pass the message on to Ladybug that you’re the winner, and we’ll arrange your prize soon.”

“Thanks,” Adrien said.

When the bell rang, Alya and Max packed up, and Adrien breathed a sigh of relief as they headed to their next class. That was way too close, but somehow, he’d managed to convince them. Plagg was going to scold him later.

Marinette fell into step beside him, tugging at her blazer.

“Um, congrats on winning,” she said. “I-I think it’s a good thing you won instead of some weirdo. I mean, if I was Ladybug, I’d be happy you won because it means we’d get to spend time together, and who wouldn’t want to spend time with you?”

Adrien smiled at her. “Thanks. I’m looking forward to hanging out with her. I admire her a lot,” he said. “And thanks for your help earlier.”

“N-n- Mmmhmm.” Marinette nodded.

She fell back to link up with Alya, and Adrien bit back a smile. It wasn’t exactly what he’d planned, but he still got to spend time with Ladybug either way. And who knew? Maybe there would be advantages to her going with Adrien Agreste instead of Chat Noir. At least this way, she couldn’t scold him. Besides, it didn’t matter to him which side she fell in love with, so long as it was him. He couldn’t wait for their date!

[confusedfoam]

I am very concerned about this plot thru line that Normal desperately wants to help and is also a complete failure at it. Just some of his greatest hits (though he definitely wasn't the only one involved in some of these fuck ups)

thought he could fix hermie, actually opened the door for him to get horribly physically scarred and having the identity crisis of the century

Going to try and save his dad and uncle and ending up on the complete opposite end of an intense ethical debate

Definitely made Pepperoni Tony's marriage way worse before. not that it mattered in the end ig

Bringing Brad back to life only for him to be a miserable shell who resents every moment spent on earth

and the latest, trusts link to help him resolve the love anchor with empathy only to get the rug out from under him Again

So. Yeah time and time again Normal tried to do the empathic thing, tries to help people, and just Can't. And I'm very worried (read: excited but sad for him) about the direction this is setting for the rest of the season specifically as it relates to Normal and the Doodler.

It's growing increasingly likely that Normal fails to help it. I don't know what's going to actually happen, I don't think the cast knows what's going to actually happen, as long as Anthony was telling the truth about it being a dice roll. But either he fails or he nearly does we'll have to wait and see. Whatever happens I think this particular part of Normal's story (These are actually all themes of the podcast at large but i am going to mostly focus on normal and the doodler here barbecue otherwise this would be extra obnoxiously long.) touches on a few things.

-Agency

For Normal, so many of these failures (especially the anchor related ones) result after his agency and control of the situation has superseded. Pepperoni Tony's death was entirely outside of his control. he trusted his friends to help him with the anchors and they violate that trust and act in direct opposition to his interests while he is powerless to stop them.

The Doodler too, in spite of being a eldritch god of massive power, is lacking agency. It was hauled into reality without it's consent, was an unwilling passenger of the Oak family for generations, hell it's own summoning at the end of season one was not a result of its own actions. Other people's desire to use it's power or to prove their worth against it etc etc paved the way for all of that. It didn't tell the twins the prophecy. It didn't tell Lark who the Unsung Hero was.

-Projecting, the limits of support, and putting your own mask on first., whatever you want to call it.

There is this idea that you have to get your shit together before you're ready to help other people, and its true to a degree but its also not how life works. You have to be willing and able to keep working on yourself with the support of other people while also supporting them to do the same. I think one of the chronic problems of 90% of the cast is they are fucking up this balance one way or another. Normal's problem is layered. He really believes that its either one or the other and it you cant help yourself and someone else at the same time. So hes using it as an excuse to say Nope hes good actually he's done his growing his mask is totally all the way on and its time to Help People. because his family is selfless and self-sacrificial to the point it swings back around and is selfish again. He can't help anyone effectively because its a two way street and he's closed his side down.

-Cycles

small scale cycles, in the repeated breaking for Normal's trust. (Of intra-party trust in general which I could go off about some other time.) His trust in his father and his uncle has been under fire from pretty much every angle. Every time Normal trusts his friends they screw him over.

the obvious cycle of the burden of the Doodler in the Oak family, Normal and Lark both sitting on the throne. I mean what more can I say. And my personal favorite. The cycle of reaching out and failing. It haunts the Oak family. Hildy reached out to her son as he got lost to the call of power and failed. Barry reached out to try and mold Henry into his shape and failed. Henry tried to reach out to everyone around him and continuously came up short and his sons turned out all the worse for it. Sparrow reaches out to express his overbearing concern with his son and blunders it entirely. Normal reaches out to his friends and the slap his hand away, he reaches out to The Doodler and is steadily falling short of actually helping it in any meaningful way.

.

.

But Uhhh anyway those were some disjointed thoughts that needed to get out of my head after the end of last episode. Not all of them make total sense but thats what happens when you brain dump across two sessions and type things in no particular order. These fucking kids man. These fucking kids.

[oakantony]

I'm gonna talk about my apartment for a bit.

In 2023, I had 40 days before I was expected to move out of my old place because someone purchased it and wanted to move in. I wanted to give myself at least 7 days between the old place and the new one, to make sure I could repaint and get my deposit back. So...I was getting down to the wire, here. Functionally, I had 33 days to find a place, place a deposit, sign a lease, hire movers, and pack all my things.

I went to view an apartment in a part of town I'd never looked at or considered, because it wasn't very central, and it wasn't very walkable. But I was gettin' down to the wire, here, since most places were 60 days notice--not much else was going to come on the market in my time frame. In fact, my options were likely going to get less and less the more time went on.

I saw this apartment, the one I live in now. I walked in and took a deep breath of relief. Because I loved it. It was enormous--by far and away the biggest place I'd looked at in all my searching. It had floor to ceiling windows in the living room and one bedroom. It had a second bedroom. It had a guest bathroom the perfect size for the cats' litter boxes. It was an old, established complex, with a view of a picnic area. 90% owner occupied--because, yeah, this is a condo, not an apartment.

(Or, well, a condominium apartment. Each unit is owned by one person. Some of them are rented out to renters, like me.)

The landlord wanted a second $1,750 deposit for my cats. I said no. She agreed to waive the deposit if I signed a two year lease instead. Done deal.

I walked in the day I got the keys and there was a dead roach in the middle of the empty floor. On its back. In the three weeks since I toured it, signed the lease, paid the deposit, and got my keys, a roach had come in, gotten poisoned, and died.

"What do I do now?" I asked no one, in despair. "I don't know what to do."

It wasn't that I thought the place had a roach problem. It was an omen. And I knew. That moment, I knew.

But I'm a rational human (mostly) person living in the real world (mostly) and I'd signed the papers. I had the keys. My life was packed. And rational humans in the real world don't try to break contracts because of omens, you know?

I cleaned up. The apartment was filthy, actually. I was told it would be cleaned before I moved in, but it wasn't. (I've actually never lived in an apartment that was independently owned that was cleaned upon move-in. Individual landlords don't care, at all, about that. But they will happily remove $500 of your deposit if the place isn't cleaned when you move out, because they're rolling the dice you won't take them to court.)

I moved in. Cleaned the old place. Unpacked the new one. Settled in. I still loved the unit, despite the omen. It truly is cool, and I styled it really nicely with my furniture and decor. It's probably the best job I've done on interior design so far in my life.

But about three weeks after moving in, the construction started, and again: I knew. That dead roach wasn't a dead roach. It was a warning of what was to come.

This complex, managed by an HOA, sold off the picnic area and dog park area, and a developer came storming in to build some new condos. They ripped up every bit of green land around my building. They destroyed the parking lot so I have to drive on gravel now. They created potholes that were, at last count by my neighbor, eighteen inches deep.

I haven't gotten to sleep in past 7am in the last eighteen months. Construction starts every day at 7am. It rattles the windows. I have to go around and tighten the lightbulbs on all my lights in the house every few weeks because the rattling loosens them. Kind of crazy, right? (Crazy as me knowing an omen when I see one?)

The developer is comically evil and the HOA is an almost unsettling stereotype. Any time someone living in my building (one of only two buildings that have to deal with the construction; the rest of the condo property is far enough removed that they have no issues), the HOA dives in front of the developer like, "GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT!" and claims that the developer is perfect, innocent, and doing everything by-the-book.

(They're not. They've broken so many laws, ordinances, safety codes--)

My landlord knew the construction was coming. She knew I'd lose my parking. She knew I'd lose internet, water, and electricity over and over again as the developer worked. She knew, and she knew she needed me to sign a longer lease, because no one else would move into the property with it torn up this way.

What would have happened if I'd taken that omen for what it was?

I'd already done everything. Signed the lease. Paid the deposit. What could I have done? Beg, I guess, to be let out. Lose the deposit. Move somewhere else. Yeah, I probably could have just lost the deposit. And then I'd be sitting here writing a diary entry about how terrible I am with money, instead.

Probably something like that.

btw, this place doesn't have a roach problem. So we've got that going for us.

[kira-moonrabbit]

many many years late... my big criticisms (not review!) of limbus company just from a gameplay standpoint. tl;dr... its kinda bad. this is both my opinion, and also how i explained said opinion, but i need it off my chest.

so preface: i dont play limbus anymore, but did for about one and a half cantos when it was brand-slappin' new. when i say brand new, i mean fresh out the box when there were still big server problems killing everyone's ability to play the game.

i went partially through the intro and then i had to sit through some more issues; then i had to replay the intro AGAIN when i came back. i figured skipping it would still allow me to view the in depth tutorial for how the actual game mechanics work in the same sequence; it did not give me this luxury and i had no idea how to re-find the tutorial. i had to scrape by with half-remembered fragments from watching someone else stream limbus and manage to view the whole danged thing. such is my preamble.

unfortunately i dont have the energy to find screenshots to use and i am not about to re-install limbus at 4 in the AM just to make an angry post about it. i'm opinionated, not petty.

i believe that a game should, even without a tutorial, be able to have its mechanics gauged just from looking at the UI and just generally observing. obviously tutorials are good, and not everything should be given to you this way, but as a rule of thumb you should be able to at least pick up a few rules about how things work just from watching un-commentated gameplay. lobotomy corporation has this. library of ruina has this. Limbus Company does not give you this.

the game is dogshit at explaining what the hell skills are. you are told there are coins, that are flipped, and dice are rolled. there are comparisons on the upper screen as to how two different skills will match up... and looking at these things, gave me no indication as to how the hell everything is CALCULATED! People who view with no commentary need a whole paragraph explaining the topmost UI! at least with ruina the dice math is simple. limbus needs a god damn calculator for every step.

disembodied micro-nitpick corner! the game doesnt tell you exactly where to go to uptie things, or when you unlock this ability. AND, it takes two whole cantos to unlock a way to earn major resources like, yknow... basically anything other than just more Lunacy for more gacha-ing.

defense skills are also not entirely perfectly explained. you think your "fuck shit everyone is targeting me" buttons would have a little more explanation behind them to help you use them better, but the descriptions for them completely sailed over my head and i had no idea which situations were and were not appropriate to use them. and each person has their own different defense skill so you better hope you have the right one for the situation when you need them! Else, S.O.L.

but yeah. i expected i'd have a handle on things by Canto 2. but by then, i just felt more confused, because in dungeons you just have a different combat system than in the main game for some reason??? one that i think is better executed because you actually have decent control over who's receiving what attacks. i had no idea what the hell i was doing the entire time still. i was just throwing out attacks and hoping the UI wasn't lying about matchups. my trial by fire wasnt even a trial, it was just... arson.

my other major criticism? sin. you know how one of the first things the game explains is sin resonance and absolute resonance? before the actual mechanics for how to calculate sin clashes? yeah, absolute resonance is literally just a damage boost that you can MAYBE hope is convenient. delibrately going for sin resonance was just getting my butt kicked. the game said to do this as much as possible but it just acts as a red herring for ACTUALLY learning skills that will get you further in the game.

sin in general feels like such a nothingburger of a mechanic. Cool, an elements system! to go with the last game's elements system! the two systems stack! i thought it was gonna be cool! But nnnope, its mostly just fuel for EGO. things DO have sin resistances, but they just feel like an afterthought.

what i liked about pierce, slash, and blunt is that they each had a slight archetype! Pierce was mainly status effects, Blunt was mainly damage, and Slash was something of a middle ground that focuses on power stacking (long live swordplay of the homeland with purple tear and slash power stacks).

with sin, its like... they're the colors attacks come in? and they have a status effect they're associated with. it doesnt feel like it adds an extra layer of much. i probably can't go as far as to say you can take away sin and lose nothing, because it does fuel EGO, but its... i dunno, it just feels like it's not needed.

i'll spend less time on the gacha because we all know gacha is gacha. but its like... ruina felt good, because you slowly accumulate more and better resources for the challenge ahead. you feel yourself slowly progress. In a gacha system, things have to generally remain at the same level of power as each other, give or take. And some things are just... better than others, yes. but there's very little in the way of like, teambuilding opportunities. you use the same really good units for pretty much everything. there's no progression aside from gacha, gacha, gacha over and over.

and this makes the reward for beating story missions just more gacha-ing, and lore. no feeling of getting stronger... no new toys to play with. the side resource modes, too, only serve to pump up your units. there's no customization of how you tackle things. i guess that ties in to the disconnected side bit a little, but still.

if you want my opinions on if the story is good, i cant give them to you though. i'm a gamer. i have practical opinions. to jump into the story would fall under the purviews of things like literary analysis.

but there is also a minor thing i will bring up that has to do with the story, in a way.

and there you have it, a casual gamer's opinion of limbus company as a game. a common person's opinion, in short. i'm not going to claim my opinion is the be all end all, far from it. I'm sure others have put the same ideas forth more eloquently. but sometimes you gotta hear what just a regular person who plays video games to have fun has to say about something.

Limbus Company all but demands you to have played Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina before playing it. the loading screen explanations do shit to tell you the kind of world you're getting into. some concepts don't quite go fully explained. and the things in the prior games are essential to the understanding of limbus company, such as the reasoning behind why L-corp fell, just what the Smoke War even was, and just what caused the Distortion and EGOism phenomenon. Anyone jumping in because "ooo, nice gacha!" is going to write off the prior games as useless, when they're actually incredibly important for understanding the story and why certain things are the way they are, and for understanding the whole game's themes!!! as to WHY they're important, I'll leave that to the more wordsy folk. [EDIT: it was brought to my attention by a kindhearted anon that i was wrong about how much story you need to be able to understand limbus. this is why i wanted to keep my story-related opinions to a minimum, as i havent played much past canto 1 myself. i admit this paragraph is a little bit brought on by me being grumpy that many players who play limbus just because its a gacha completely disregard the previous two games. all in all this paragraph isnt very fair.]

and before anyone says anything... i will not be arguing over this post. if i said something wrong, i said something wrong, such is life, pobody's nerfect. i am also not asking for tutorials about how to play the game, either. i feel like the game itself should be able to give me a satisfactory one for me to want to play it.

and lastly? i will ESPECIALLY not be arguing with people who have spent money on a gacha, any gacha. i feel like this should explain itself.

[palidoozy-art]

Oh god, I could gush and gush about 2CGaming’s stuff all day. Again, my ONLY complaint about them is that their stuff is scaled a bit high, so there’s certainly an adjustment period where if you’re not careful you’ll absolutely destroy your party. But they actually give you straight-up guidelines telling you how to run an “easier” encounter and a “harder” encounter. They also provide some actual guidance in how to build and run encounters for higher level parties as well!

Y’know I’ll use this post to give a shoutout to some other third party stuff I use

For Encounters, or general high-level design:

2CGaming’s Total Party Kill Bestiary 1 and 2

Giffyglyph’s Monster Maker (free older version on his website; you can get the pdf to the updated version through his patreon)

Badooga’s Monster Guidelines - He breaks down a lot of the math with encounter design, and was definitely a good starting point for me to understand how fights can be built. I also use a combination of this spreadsheet someone made as well as standard DMG xp calculations for building encounters.

Kobold Press’ Tome of Beasts (1 and 2), as well as their Creature Codex.

This monster stat cheat sheet tweaked from the DMG.

For player options

Pretty much anything KibblesTasty makes. His warlord class is SO GOOD. I use his crafting a lot as well, as a way of giving random encounters some kind of reward rather than just be time sinks.

The Warrior’s Codex - Martial enhancement, adds some cool baseline effects to weapons to make them all unique rather than just “i deal more damage.”

The Adventurer’s Domestic Handbook - because yes, if my players want to settle down and have kids I will allow them to, dammit.

Adjustments to baseline D&D economy rules - because yes my players bought a brothel and another one of my players wanted to run like 3 shops. If you don’t want to read through the blog, I’ve got the adjustments written down here:

(note: I just stretch out the total cost per day to total cost per month. Easier that way).

An Elf and an Orc had a Little Baby - OneD&D basically incorporated the upbringing part of this into the game (thank god), but we still sometimes refer to this book and its sequel to figure out what the players’ kids will be like (Kelogul’s daughter is quarter aasimar, quarter orc, half elf, for instance).

There’s probably a LOT more stuff, but this is all stuff I use routinely, in terms of 3rd party stuff.

In terms of actual alternate rules/homebrew we also use:

- Gritty Realism (not only does it fix 5e’s absolutely fucked encounters-per-day problem, as well as the short rest conundrum, but it ALSO stretches the time of the campaign out and makes the world feel significantly more lived in. It also essentially obligates downtime so players craft a lot more. Combine it with the fantasy calendar website to keep track of time in your campaign!)

- Spell Points (imo I would not use this outside of gritty realism. It definitely strengthens spellcasters, who do not need to be strengthened. However, because gritty realism is a significant ‘nerf’ to spellcasters in general, spell points helps offset it a bit. Also my players fucking love it. One of my players refuses to go back to vancian casting).

- Homebrew rule: when a player is downed and then healed and brought back up, they gain 1 level of exhaustion. This is to counteract the crazy health yoyo that is pretty endemic to the game. There’s an actual reason to not just let your party members fall so you can just bonus action healing word them now.

- Homebrew rule: when a caster casts cure wounds/mass cure wounds, or a person drinks a potion, the beneficiary may also choose to use 1 of their HD per spell level of the cure used to heal in addition. Potions allow one to use 1 HD per dice it cures.

- fun random additional note: our table has a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ to not use counterspell, because all our spellcasters got together one day with me and went ‘we hate playing with counterspell’ and i went ‘yeah i agree’ and so we stopped. We have an armistice lol.

[what-gs-watching]

"If you have to ask, you're streets behind."

Welp. This week on What G's Watching: comfort shows.

Because gang, I got (somewhat surprisingly) laid off yesterday. Internal politics, blah blah blah, a lot crying, a lot of beautiful messages from coworkers, some insomnia, more crying, cleaning random things, turning my airpods up as high as they go and screaming through playlists. You get it. 

So if I thought I was watching everything before, just kidding. It's about to get so much worse. Which means, right now, I need comfort shows.

Today's comfort show highlight? Community. A pure and beautiful masterpiece.

Here's the thing: I watched Community from the beginning. Like, when it started airing weekly on NBC in 2009. From the very first episode. Because I'm ancient. I was a fan of Joel McHale from Talk Soup (oh yeah, we're going back that far) and I would have watched him in anything, so I was down for a show about a community college, hell, I'd even gone to one for a little bit.

But it's so much more than that. It's hilarious and real and way too meta for most people and all of the characters are imperfect and ridiculous and some of the plots are so dumb, but it makes you feel things. 

The overall point of the show was that Jeff was a lawyer who lied about having a bachelor's degree and got caught so he goes Greendale Community College to replace it. He lies about having a spanish study group to hook up with a blonde in his class - Britta - and ends up creating an actual study group with the help of Abed, who I'm not gonna lie, might be my favorite character. 

Group of the usual suspects, right: 

- Jeff is the handsome manipulative one (I'm still not quite sure why Joel McHale is handsome, like, its WEIRD but I'm here for it)

- Britta starts out as a chick in her late 20's who maybe got lost along the way and was trying to clean her life up and then she kind of becomes a caricature of herself later on, but it works

- Shirley's a mom going through a divorce, wanting to start her own business

- Pierce is a rich old guy that's been going to Greendale for years just for something to do (Chevy Chase returning to TV, which sounds great but then it gets weird behind the scenes)

- Abed is sweet and magical and likely on the spectrum (and the best unreliable narrator)

- Troy is a former high school football star that suffered an injury (he's Childish Gambino! Before anyone knew he was Childish Gambino! But he will ALWAYS be Troy to me)

- Annie is young and a perfectionist and a control freak who had a pill addiction that landed her there (Allison Brie becoming Allison Brie)

and it starts out as you would assume it should, but it gets unexpectedly hilarious. And I give that credit to Dan Harmon. For his flaws, Dan Harmon is a tortured genius and I will, and mostly do, watch anything that man is involved in. He puts shit in your face that you never wanted but in a way that makes you laugh out loud and then hurt a little bit, for a while. 

Honestly the charm of the show comes from the fact that it never truly takes itself seriously. Abed relates to the world through media (hi it's me, I'm the problem, it's me) and he insists time and again that they're in a tv show. Episode about everyone turning into Zombies because of tainted food at the Halloween dance? Completely plausible. 'Bottle' episode because Annie lost a pen and she can't fucking take it anymore, someone must have stolen it? Yes. Series-running story about the "Ass Crack Bandit" that drops a quarter on you when you least expect it, resulting in one of the best episodes of the later seasons? 100%. 

Abed deciding that by rolling a dice to see who goes down to get the pizza being delivered, six different timelines are being created? That one will knock you on your fucking ass. And it makes no sense, but it really, really does. 

This show has given me a lot of random things that still rattle around in my brain, even now N rewatches deep. Way back when offices were a thing, I'd once shouted "BOOKS!"when it was particularly quiet and a single engineer stood up across the room and just pointed at me, incredulous. After that he and I didn't stop terrorizing the entire team with random quotes. I still find myself humming 'Daybreak' (IYKYK). Yesterday while I muddled through my feelings I started yelling "I'm high as hell and I'm about to get SHOT!" It's infectious, it gets in your bones.  

The best part of course is the relationships, complicated but sweet and endearing. Troy and Abed form a friendship that makes me sad almost because it's childish and pure for a while and it does (what I think, I'm not an expert though so who knows) a pretty good job of portraying the bond that can come out of accepting someone on the spectrum wholly and fully. 

They build a blanket fort. They pretend to have their own morning tv show (🎶Troy and Abed in the mornnnniiiing 🎶). They dress up in coordinated Halloween costumes. They get obsessed with Inspector Spacetime (we're gonna get to Doctor Who, I promise). They spout off the best random Spanish rap and create 'Baby Boomer Santa'. They invent the Dreamatorium. They pillow fight for hours because they think if they stop, their friendship will end. 

The two of them desperately make you wish you had a friend like that in your early twenties to just get real WEIRD with, because they'd always go along with it and have your back no matter what. I still, very much, want to build a blanket slash pillow fort half as majestic. (Which, maybe I should. I have a fuck ton of time right now.)

Honestly, Community is one of those things I sometimes measure people against. Seen it and loved it? You rank a little bit higher with me. Season 4's your least favorite? it's okay bud, we all agree. You wanna use your name in poorly concocted puns? That's you're i-dean-tity, I'm with it. You found something that's streets ahead? YES. Be my best friend.

I know a lot of people feel a certain way about Friends, like, oh they're the friends everyone wishes they had, but I'm sorry. No. The friends you wish you had are the Greendale Seven. And there's too many moments and too much to go into here, but you need to trust me on that. Because they're all just flawed people trying to do better in a flawed place that manifests a little bit of the mania we all feel. And it lets you feel it, but it always wraps you up safe at the end. Jeff always brings it home with a perfect Winger speech. And sometimes I really wish life was a little bit more like that. Because sometimes we suffer a fucking gas leak year in our existence, sometimes it's like that, and it'd be nice if everyone just shrugged that off, if everyone just accepted the fact that we're all flawed, selfish people is actually a strength. 

At one point in the first season, Abed gets obsessed with "The Cape" (which was a real show, y'all) and he's skulking around in this ridiculous get-up and Jeff yells "That show's gonna last three weeks!" and while Abed runs off he yells "SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!"

During the show's run, #sixseasonsandamovie became a mantra, because it was always on the brink of cancellation - season six was revived by Yahoo Stream, which isn't even a thing anymore - and I still think about that when I want something to last. I want #sixseasonsandamovie for everything that I love. I want everything to have that little bit of magic and faith. 

I started my latest rewatch a couple of weeks ago, compelled to seek out the comfort for some reason, my brain trying to tell me something was wrong. My brain had been right. So yesterday I eventually climbed into bed with puffy eyes and I got back into season five. I'm already into the part where the show starts to dismantle a bit (the second half of season 5 and all of 6 are distinctly different but still perfect), and that makes sense for me right this second, it's fitting. Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes people leave. Sometimes you have to clone yourself in a game of 'the floor is lava' so you can properly say goodbye. 

I'll finish it again in the next couple of days I'm sure, and I'll put it down for a while (until the next time my brain is trying to tell me something). But I'll be thankful I had something to turn to while I attempted to sort myself out. 

Greendale is always the perfect place to sort yourself out. 

[lake-archive]

Drabblecember Day 28 - Doing Chores Together

Prompt List - Fling Posse Selfship / Yumeship Masterlist

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Dice Arisugawa, Ann Wolff (OC)

Pairing: Diceann

Words: 600

Staying over had its price yet it was not something Dice was unused to. He had crashed enough at this place to know the rules. ‘You either contribute or you go back onto the streets’, that was the basic rule Eli held in high regard when it came to letting anyone inside his four walls and make them stay for a longer period of time. And, well, Dice has been staying for longer than a day, even if he was living on and off at this point. So when asked to help out a little he couldn't exactly say no.

Not like he was going to anyway, especially not after having witnessed the chaos Ann had caused when trying to use just one household object. Dice felt inclined to help out, especially them, and make sure it did not get worse than it already was at this point in time. In fact, this might take longer than he had expected… Apparently cleaning was that big of a deal! Well, not like he never did it but… Back then— Ah, who cares? Unnecessary details and he would rather not remember it anyway. He can do it too if he really tries!

And thus Dice had been busy in the living room for some time. Scrubbing the floor was a task of its own but hey, he got through no problem at all! And he would have but the next thing he heard was some sudden noises from the room next door, stuff falling down from a shelf and then even the shelf itself. It made him jump up from one moment to the next, though not after while mumbling: “Not again…”, then hurrying over to the room next door. He didn’t even need to ask what had happened, he saw it.

A shelf fell over and Ann stood next to it, visibly shocked. The books were all over the floor and the floor itself was full of dust now. Next thing they did was trying to pick up the books first yet dropped them out of shock here and there again, always trying to pick them back up. “Don’t get dirty now…” They mumbled, almost desperate. It was a funny sight maybe yet when thinking what Eli would say when getting home maybe it would not be that funny… Plus they couldn’t be stuck doing the cleaning all day long now.

Ann was clumsy, that was no secret, and this was proven yet again. So, beside having been busy elsewhere he moved up to them and picked up some of the book once next to them. It had surprised them and they turned their face in one swoop. “Dice? Weren’t you–” They were about to ask yet he interrupted them quickly. “Yeah, but you need the help, don’t ya?” They were only blinking for a moment before trying to deny it. “Wha— No! I—” Yet one look to the shelf said it all, silencing even them. Thus, they pouted a little.

“Okay, maybe a little…” They admitted, even if quietly. He only was able to chuckle at this. It was progress, they admitted it at least, something they usually did not do. “Still, you don’t have to—” “Ey, I wanna be somewhere later and not stuck here. Just see it that way, will ya?” He interrupted, which was not entirely false. Anything but being stuck cleaning until midnight. “Ah… There’s no winning this, is there?” They sighed, clearly not wanting to give in and yet they had to, having no choice left but to accept it. “Thanks…” – “No need to bud!”

[goddamnwebcomics]

Ranked from Best to Worst: Webcomics of Goddamn Webcomics (2023 Edition)

I made this ranking three years ago originally, but now that I've come back, before I start the next set of riffs, I should probably update my rankings. Thanks to @tjimmy1999 for giving me the idea.

0. Gene Catlow

Gene Catlow is completely uncomparable to any other webcomic I've riffed. It's probably the most unique piece of media I've ever seen. It has so many aspects in it that are fucking awful and horrible and terrible, but it also has just as many redeeming aspects. I am glad I came back to riff it to the end because what I riffed before the previous ranking was just the tip of the iceberg. Until another comic like it drops into my view, it will be uncomparable to anything else, completely outside the ranking as this fascinating piece of work that everybody needs to read for themselves.

Alien Dice

Alien Dice is my number one pick for the best comic I've riffed, but it's not really the best because of its content but because it does the bare minimum to be decent. It has likable protagonists, decent world building and it has an engaging story that can pace between dark and lighthearted moments. Unfortunately, it also has a ton of problems, with bullshit plot twists, Riley, unnecessary moments of sexual tension between animals, Riley, wildly inconsistent artstyle that never seems to stick to one style, Riley, very bland antagonists with no motivation, Riley and certain aspects of the main gimmick of the comic aren't explained well, and also Riley. I wouldn't recommend Alien Dice to anyone like I would recommend Gene Catlow, as I feel it needs to work out its issues.

2. Daisy Falls Apart

Daisy Falls Apart is a parody comic that doesn't exactly break new ground. It's harmless but I wouldn't read it a second time. It's held down by its horribly unlikable protagonist and how the whole conflict of the comic is very quickly resolved, and also too many sexual jokes in something that is based on a children's game. Out of all the comics I've riffed, this one is the most mediocre, and number 2 meaning mediocre should worry you.

3. Carnivores

This comic was originally a painful experience, but so many painful experiences came after it, it feels like one of the less worse ones despite having the worst art. Also i can tell Austin did this comic for fun, and not to convey a deep message. Also it’s probably the only fetish webcomic in history where fetish itself starts taking a backseat halfway through. Yeah, some of the entries will be the exact same as in the previous ranking, if I haven't given them any major revisits. Also the only reason it's under Daisy Falls Apart is because it has a much worse artstyle.

4. Bloody Mary

Bloody Mary satisfies your specific hunger for Johnny Test characters commiting several crimes in rapid succession. Reading the comic both entertains me immensely but it also makes me feel dirty. The crossover stuff is there to please the author and not really provide any point. It is unique in that the comic doesn't feature a full cast ensemble but it's rather just focusing on Mary ruining people's lives and interacting some random character from a North American animated thing. The only reason it's below Carnivores is the suspicious amount of unintentional racism???

5. Warmage

Warmage is enjoyable for all the wrong reasons. None of Dumok’s other comics have gone to the same level of bizarreness Warmage offers with each page. However it is also the host to the worst character to ever appear in this blog, Tsuki. Other than that, Warmage seemed to have semi-intriguing lore and also ended on a rather decent arc, so i think i could’ve been interested to see it continue, just because i wanna see how much worse it can get. But then again, spanking scene.

6. Kit n Kay Boodle

It's amazing that year by year, Kit and Kay Boodle gets more and more tame. More than anything it helped to expose me to Albert's usual writing bullshit, but somehow it manages to be tame compared to craziness of Gene Catlow. When you know that EVERYONE is fictional in the real life bits, it just loses the nightmare quality it once had. That being said I am bitter half of the riff is locked behind Tumblr's stupid filter system.

7. Dominic Deegan

Ah, Deegan, Deegan, Deegan... during my riff of Gene Catlow I apologised to you so many times I almost wanted to bump up your rating, but I feel like you're in a comfortable place. In a lot of ways Dominic Deegan is the quiessential mid-2000's webcomic, what started off as a gag-a-day comic soon became an edgy fantasy full of author screaming his political views and projecting his desires into the main characters. I think even Mookie is not too proud of the decisions he made, and Legacy of Dominic Deegan feels like an apology to correct the problems of the series. But there will always be the original Dominic Deegan, with its orcs and their fucked up culture, screaming manchild protagonists, exaggerated gay characters, magic that is random and nonsensical but also has schools based on teaching it, aggressive sports players and Siggy burial. However, who knows how it ranks after I finally finish it.

8. Roommates and 9. Chugworth Academy

The reason I made Gene Catlow 0 was also because I didn't want to rank it lower than these two, because I have no heart to say "Roommates/Chugworth Academy is better than Gene Catlow". If your comic ranks lower than these two, it's done and there is no coming back. I can safely say that I will NEVER EVER revisit these two comics, even if there are worse comics in this ranking.

10. Spinnerette

I said last time that Spinnerette was the worst comic I've riffed, and quite frankly I can't put it into words why that isn't the case anymore. After revisiting Spinny so many times since my last ranking, it has...improved. Remember that my last exposure to the comic was the Fat Spinny Arc and the first half of Hostess arc, and it seemed like Spinny was just embracing being a parade of Kraw's fetishes. However now that I've seen more of it, it's trying. But the comic is still like a fish flopping on dry ground in the middle of the desert. It doesn't want to pick a narrative, it just does random one-off stories forever. As much as I hated Colonel Glass I wish he came back just so this comic would have some semblance of seriousness again. Of course the comic has recently started fucking up the last decent characters, and I wouldn't be surprised if this comic bumped down again after few more revisits, BUT, it's still not the worst thing Kraw has made.

11. Las Lindas

Las Lindas is even more hopeless than Spinnerette, because this comic will introduce the decent thing, and before you know it decent thing is ruined. At least Spinnerette has decent variety of different stories. Las Lindas will never leave that fucking farm, if we don't count the spinoff comics half of which are non-canon and are about the same level of quality as main comic anyway. My brief revisit showed me the post-Alejandra era wasn't as hideous as I thought but it's pretty damn close, and with the ever-worsening artstyle and an apparent INTRODUCTION OF SUPERHEROES, Las Lindas's level of quality could best be described with that panel where Tootsie drives into a river.

12. Console Girl

Console Girl is the first comic in this ranking I just completely despise. It makes Ctrl-Alt-Delete look like Penny Arcade, it's a comic about an ecchi console that comes to life but midway through we get a plot twist and it turns out to be a cyberpunk comic that tries to treat humanoid consoles fighting seriously...or not really, as the comic has a problem taking itself seriously, outside of some questionable moments where the author seems to project their hidden anger towards video games into the comic??? We also have in-comic non-canon filler arcs, console girls eventually becoming random fetishes instead of things actually relevant to their real counterparts and TOO MANY LITTLE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH ADULT MEN. I'm glad this comic was never finished.

13. Monster Girl Academy

Monster Girl Academy is just...the worst. It was solely created to make Kraw even more rich, but I would forgive that if the comic didn't just...fail as a webcomic, fail as a porn comic and fail as a narrative period. This comic was designed for lowest common denominator with fetishes that are too weird to be vanilla and too vanilla to be weird. Its existence pisses me off. While other comics I've riffed had potential, this never had any semblance of it. The main protagonist is a piece of shit and all his girls are also pieces of shit, the only likable character is a little girl who cries and prays in Spanish, because every character reading this comic can relate to her. Fuck this comic, and I mean it with every letter of that sentence.

[raichufan86]

Bloody bunny: Blood on revenge: chapter 2.5: Trust issues (part 1)

After the events of things like Electro slice escaping the factory and BB deafening a mysterious bunny hunter I wonder what’s next? In Dollworks factory, I shows the dark bosses in an office having a meeting with some skull minions and the scientists, Everyone, tell me what’s been going lately? Said dark rabbit, we have some reports from MR. K again, he said that Suzy has been skipping classes again, said one of the skull minions, again? Man, that kid has has some wild imagination, said dark rabbit, and we got a call from your daughter cherry, she said she failed to get the 2 escaped convict bunny dolls, and plus she saw Suzy, said one of the skull minions, WHAT!!! Said dark rabbit as he screamed loudly causing the crows on the factory to fly away, Once cherry comes back im gonna beat her up! Said dark rabbit, wait a second sir, there’s one problem, we got a call from some random skull minion from the city, said one of the skull minion CEOs, what is it? Said dark rabbit, they claim that they saw a blue doll with a blade killing a baker in dee’s waddle pretzels store, said one of the CEOs, Wait! You mean D-7295!? Said dark rabbit, then everyone saw Dr. Kikky sneaking out of the office, Oh no you don’t! Said dark rabbit as he grabs Dr. Kikky’s hand, b-b-b-but-but Sir, I got some important work to do, said dr. Kikky, your not going anywhere, Except for you to get D-7295 back! Said dark rabbit, You mean Electro slice? She would kill me! Said Dr. Kikky in fright, If you don’t do it! I’ll cut your skin off and use it as a curtain! Not to mention that razor mane will cut your eyeballs off! And kuma smashing you skull! And kitten burning you into dust! Said dark rabbit as he threatens Dr. Kikky, Ok-ok! I’ll do it! But can some of the skulls minions and other scientists come with me? Said Dr. Kikky, fine! But don’t fail or else you know! Said dark rabbit, 2 hours later, the skull minions are defending dr. Kikky and 4 other scientists, I can’t believe you invented that tracking device, said one of the scientists, yeah, I never get to use one of this things, dark rabbit said my inventions are always useless and rubbish, said Dr. Kikky, hey! I found D-7295! Said one of the skull minions, and they found her, I can’t believe my own creation is here, remember, grab her not hurt her! Said dr. Kikky, sure Doc! Said one of the skull minions, so the skull minions comes out to stop electro slice, however she show them and slices and dices them in half and pieces, wow! It’s some unique and skilled slicing! Said Dr. Kikky as he takes notes about Electro slice, however ES slices the tree revealing both Dr. Kikky and the scientists, oh no, I’m so screwed, said Dr. Kikky, the scientists ran away but one of them gets stabbed by a knife thrown by electro slice, ES gets closer and closer to Dr. Kikky, Please! Don’t hurt me! It’s bad enough that I have a mean and cruel boss who treats me likes a bag of sand, said Dr. Kikky as he shivers in fear, ES stops coming closer to Dr. Kikky, and she her hand out to him, w-what? Said dr. Kikky in confusion, he grabs Electro slice’s hand and stands, so how come you didn’t kill me? Said Dr. Kikky, Electro slice Blushes in embarrassment and her electricity comes out of her with red statics, Wait! I remember! Said Dr. Kikky as he realises why she didn’t hurt him, and remembers a flashback to 1 week and 12 hours ago at dollworks factory, are you sure the last soul could work? The 45 souls you made are failures, I bet it don’t work on that doll, said dark rabbit, the doll is the only one I could think of since…the 45 tested dolls souls failed, and this doll is new and haven’t came to life, said Dr. Kikky, fine, if it doesn’t work! I’ll throw you into the grinder! Said dark rabbit, so, Dr. Kikky places the soul on to the doll, then the soul disappears means the soul is in the doll, then the doll opens its eyes for their life, it worked! It’s Alive!! Ok! I’m gonna make contact to it, said Dr. Kikky, Dr. Kikky comes closer to the doll (end of part 1)

[40sandfabulousaf]

大家好! For my weekly simple breakfast out of compassion for starving Palestinians in Gaza, I tried truffle carbonara flavoured kuai shu mian (instant noodles). Again, I added more water to thin out the sauce. For the price, this was quite tasty, although the truffle fragrance was pretty faint. The noodles were QQ and slurpable, a must for me. This will pair well with smoked salmon if I buy more in future, or I can pour in canned diced tomatoes to make the sauce more flavourful. Overall, not bad; it's something I'll eat again after I've tried other brands.

Near the coffee shop where I sometimes have WFH lunch is a hawker centre housing various food stalls. One of them specialises in Chinese spinach soup and it was awarded the Michelin Guide's Bib Gourmand in 2023. I decided to try their Chinese spinach noodle soup with sliced fish. The large bowl contained thick slices of tender fresh fish, dried shiitake mushroom, goji berries, crisp spinach, sliced ginger, minced pork and highly slurpable noodles. I especially liked the steaming hot, slightly cloudy, robust and flavourful broth. Yum, this meal was both nutritious and delicious! They fully deserved their award. Will definitely return to try their other dishes.

FL, an old friend of 15 years, and I finally met for the first time since covid. Over a delicious mala lunch, we brought each other up to speed with our lives. When he shared the photo of us in our group chat with other mutual friends, they asked why I met him and not them! 😅 It's just easier to coordinate schedules with 1 person vs a group with several people, but yeah, it's about time all of us gather again, just like the good old days. FL and I shared a bowl of fish, chicken, pork skin, meatballs, cabbage, mushrooms and noodles. My goodness it was SO yummy! The food stall is quite out of the way, so I hope to return when I catch up with friends who live or work near that area. It is 1 out of 9 stalls owned by Antho's wife, so I'm happy to support it when I can.

Meanwhile, I can count on our vibrant hawker culture for tasty, moderately healthy meals. From yong tau foo soups boasting a whopping 8 varieties of vegetables - golden and shiitake mushrooms, Chinese spinach, Napa cabbage, broccoli, carrot, radish and okra along with tau kwa (firm tofu) and a hardboiled egg - to cai fan salad comprising bittergourd, Chinese spinach and celery with cabbage and enoki mushrooms as well as steamed egg, these colourful meals are visually appealing on their own, no artsy fartsy plating required. And that's without mentioning what nutrition bombs these meals are!

Over 37,500 Palestinians have been killed and close to 86,000 wounded as the genocidal war in Gaza continues. Much of the war-torn strip is in ruins, the land uninhabitable. Infrastructure such as schools, places of religious workship and hospitals have been destroyed. Meanwhile, survivors are still at risk of dying from starvation and malnutrition. Even as I continue to have my weekly simple breakfasts out of compassion for Palestinians in Gaza, I also pray for the parties which continue to arm Israel to face the wrath of God. May retribution come soon for these evil beings. 下次见!

[syrupspinner]

i just defeated Citizen Sleeper

i keep accidentally calling it resident sleeper and i dont know how to stop

right away, i wanna compare this to Disco Elysium. im sorry, but im the kinda bitch that sees the world through similes. i know its a bit of a losing battle considering DE's renown, but i want to appreciate the ways the games compare in their goals and how to accomplish them considering the genre similarity

first, while both narratives are technically in second person, theyre seperated by their omniscience. CS takes a more traditional omniscient narration, and works with it to help the narrative of separation from ones self. as a sleeper, youre an emulation of a human, and while youre consciousness is an exact copy, you have no knowledge of the person used as your base. the biggest problem with writing in 2nd person is basically the reader going "no, i wouldnt". but as a sleeper, your character doesnt have the identity to justify saying that. it builds, successfully in my opinion, on the seperation between reader and character because the character is already suffering a seperation of self

in DE, 2nd person narration is subverted because of your extreme, ambiguously supranatural [sic] amnesia. your character is not a blank slate the player controls; you have a past you cannot escape from. DE's protagonist also avoids the "no i wouldnt" problem by giving the player control over his present, but not his selfhood. this is furthered by the furies, the fragments of your personality. this classifies the narration as diegetic, because there are very, very few instances of straightforward omniscient narration (unless you count shivers as omniscient?), because everything your character perceives is quantified through these skills. you can level up the narration as a gameplay mechanic.

which of these do i prefer? well, thats a tricky question, because theyre both trying to do very different things. well not that different but yknow. DE is interactive and characterizing for the protagonist, but CS is more directed and characterizing for the world. thats not to say that DE isnt intentional - im just explaining what each approach's priorities are. im also trying to compensate because DE is stupidly encompassing, you can tell it was written by leftists because that wordcount is NOT conservative. CS is way more economic in scope, which isnt an inherently bad thing, it just means i gotta be a bit proportional in my judgement. anyway, considering all this, i think i gotta say my preference is with CS. i emphasize preference, im not saying that CS is objectively better than DE.

a good example of what i mean is the digital space! theres a mechanic where you can like, leave your body and travel the internet, using your dice rolls to hack different connections. i adore how the narration describes this. it feels so abstract and bizarre, its explained through human sensations that were not meant to experience this world (which is exactly how the sleeper feels) in a very lovecraftian way. the omniscient 2nd person is perfect for this, because it describes the internet as something that happens to you. DE would have the furies explain to you what is going on with their own skewed views as they slowly piece together what the hell is happening, which is a great way to characterize DE and its protagonist and works wonderfully with what DE usually tries to do. but i think it wouldnt lend itself as well to describing the internet as a truly alien sensation, and stuff like neovend's quest wouldnt hit as hard. again, theres nothing better or worse about either approach, theyre just better suited for different tasks. like, mages are better at dps and warriors are better at tanking

oh yeah, the dice! you role all the dice you need (up to 5 depending on your... i think it was called vitality? your life bar) and you allocate them to specific tasks throughout the day. i am in love with this mechanic. it is so strategic and offers such a great balance between luck and strategy auuuuuugh. you usually have 2-4 drives (read: quests) to focus on at any given time, so you have to manage the resources of where you wanna put your 6s and your 1s. do you wanna risk a negative outcome, or go to bed and let a perfectly good roll go to waste? youve got a few time limits to keep track of, waste isnt the best idea. if youre spending that 1, where? which drive can you not afford to fuck up, and which are you desperate enough to risk failure on? maybe you can take it to cyberspace, low numbers are usually needed for hacking. well, what data do you need the most, and how much hacking can you afford to do before you get too much attention from the ship/outpost/however-you-classify-this-location's antivirus? dont forget that you cant just focus on drives, you need to earn money to buy food and robo-insulin.

why dont more games do this?????? i get that theres strategy and planning around traditional roll-the-dice-in-the-moment systems, like which stats you need bonuses for and what gambles youre willing to take, but i way prefer resource management to risk taking. amazing mechanic

it also probably helps that im a bit of a slut for cyberpunk. theres a post-game dlc quest that shows a great way of showing individuals struggling against systems. youre in talks with leaders of a refuge camp trying to salvage supplies from a crashed ship, but if they do so then itll be bad optics and prevent them steadier help later down the line through systemic means. but they cant wait through the fillibuster, people are starving. its absolutely the right choice to try and help the refugees by harvesting supplies off the grid and working to undermine the cyber-govcorp's control, but the corp you talk to as part of the quest is just an individual with good intentions and a different opinion on how to best help the refugees. theres an antagonistic force in the quest, but its nebulous and faceless, because its just a story about people trying to carve survival out of a society that isnt built for it. and thats just one quest! my favorites were your back-alley doctor struggling to separate their connection from their past, the stranded mercenary tracking down whoever stole their ship's motherboard thingy, and of course neovend

please please please play this game if you havent already, it is a wonderful work of art

[deancodedinthewater]

The Benders Part 2

Dean waltzed into the Sheriff’s office like he owned the place, which couldn’t be further from the truth given his criminal record but he’d found faking it till you make it worked more often than not. He’d handed a fake ID to a deputy and she had checked it over before giving him a raised eyebrow and handing it back.

“So,” she said. “What can we do for you, Officer Washington?”

“I’m working a missing persons,” Dean said, which was completely true.

The deputy raised her eyebrow again, Dean was starting to get what people meant when they told him that was annoying. “I didn’t know the Jenkins case was being covered by state police.”

“Oh, no. No, there’s someone else. Actually, it’s my cousin,” Dean explained, trying to make the lie as believable as possible. “We were having a few drinks last night at this bar down the highway. And I haven’t seen him since.” God, he hoped this worked. He was not putting out an actual missing persons report on his brother that would inevitably lead to some questions about how he was still alive. He was pushing it already with this.

“Does your cousin have a drinking problem?” the deputy asked.

“Sam?” Dean asked, incredulous. If anyone in their family didn’t have a drinking problem it was him. Blood or not, their family was barely functioning if they weren’t drinking. All except Sam. “Two beers and he's doing karaoke.” The deputy smiled at that. “No, he wasn’t drunk. He was taken.”

The deputy nodded her head and settled herself down at a nearby computer. Dean pulled a chair up nearby. “Alright,” she said, pulling up a search. “What’s his name?”

“Winchester,” Dean said. It was more than a gamble giving Sam’s real name but he couldn’t really give a fake one in this situation. “Sam Winchester.” There was that eyebrow again.

“Like the rifle?”

“Like the rifle,” Dean repeated. She typed Sam’s name into the box and after a moment it brought up his police record. And, just as he had expected, she clicked through Sam’s record to his own.

“Samuel Winchester,” she read out. “So you know that his sister, Deanna Winchester, died in St Louis. And that she was suspected of murder.”

Dean tried so hard not to laugh. His deadname being actually dead was still so goddamn funny. “Yeah she’s- she’s kinda the black sheep of the family.”

“Uh-huh,” the deputy said, giving him that raised eyebrow again. And really, how many times could a person raise their eyebrow in a single conversation? She turned back to her computer and searched for something else. “Well, he’s not showing up in any current field reports.”

“Oh, I already have a lead,” Dean explained. “I saw a surveillance camera by the highway.”

“The county traffic cam?” the deputy asked.

“Right, yeah,” Dean said, trying to pretend he already knew that. Which, he kinda did. He’d tried to see if the camera belonged to the bar earlier but no dice and that is what had led him here. “I’m thinking the camera picked up whatever took him.” Shit. “Or, whoever.”

“Well, I have access to the traffic cam footage down at the county works department, but- well anyhow, let’s do this the right way,” she said as she pushed herself up from the computer and crossed the room to a filing cabinet. She searched in its draws for a moment and then pulled out a clipboard. “Why don’t you fill out a missing persons report and sit tight over here?” She handed him the clipboard.

“Officer, look, he’s family,” Dean needled, trying to appeal to some sense of- he didn’t know. Motherhood wasn’t the right word. Family? He tried to get her to see that he needed to do this. “I kind of- I kind of look out for the kid. You gotta let me go with you.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

“Well, tell me something,” Dean said, changing tactics since appealing to her sense of family wasn’t working he’d appeal to that thing that he assumed would keep a cop going the same as it did him. The need to help someone. “Your county had its fair share of missing persons. Any of them come back?” The look on her face was enough of an answer for Dean. A mix of sadness and anger that is exactly how he felt when he couldn’t save someone. “Sam’s my responsibility. And he’s coming back. I’m bringing him back.”

-

Sam jerked awake and banged his head on a metal bar. He blinked, rubbed at the lump forming on his head and looked around. He found himself locked in a cage in a dark room. A repurposed barn maybe, he couldn’t really tell. With both hands he tugged on the door of the cage but all it did was rattle. There was no obvious way out.

In a nearby cage Sam could see someone else. And if he wasn’t mistaken that would be Alvin Jennkins. On the bright side, he’d found their vic.

-

Kathleen had told Dean to wait outside. He thinks it’s because if he went with her they’d know it wasn’t official business. So, here he sat on a bench outside the County Works Department. He twisted his ring as he waited for Kathleen to come back. Hopefully, whatever had Sam hadn’t killed him already.

“Greg,” Kathleen called and Dean stood up. His hands dropped to his sides as if she had caught him doing something illegal. “I think we’ve got something.” She stepped around the bench and handed him a stack of paper. Dean looked at the first sheet and it was a print out of the traffic cam footage. “These traffic cams take an image every three seconds, as part of the Amber Alert program. These images were all taken around the time that your cousin disappeared.”

Dean flicked to the next sheet. He wasn’t gonna get much from these. “This really isn’t what I’m looking for,” he said, glancing back up at Kathleen.

“Just wait, wait- next one,” she said, indicating he should turn the page. Dean did and there was a rusty truck driving away from the bar. “This one was taken right after Sam left the bar. Look at the back end of that thing.” Dean wasn’t sure what she was getting at but he took a closer look at the truck. It’s bumper was dented to high hell and pockmarked with rust and peeling paint. “Now, look at the plates.” Kathleen reached over and turned the page for him.

“Oh,” Dean said, finally getting what she was saying. “The plates look new. It’s probably stolen.”

“So, whoever’s driving that rust bucket must be involved,” Kathleen reasoned but Dean was barely paying attention to her now. A van, almost as beat up as the truck in the print out, drove past. Its engine whined. Dean had a theory.

“Hear that engine?” he asked, waving a hand at his own ear.

“Yeah?”

“Kind of like a whining growl, isn’t it?”

“Sure.”

Dean stared at the van, his theory cementing itself in his head. “I’ll be damned.”

-

Sam grabbed the bars at the top of his cage and kicked at the door with both feet. It didn’t budge. He swung backwards and used the momentum to kick with more force but all he succeeded in doing was losing his grip and crashing to the ground. In the next cage Jenkins groaned and Sam scrambled to the edge of his own cage.

“You’re alive!” Sam exclaimed and Jenkins groaned again. He rolled away from Sam. “Hey, you okay?”

Jenkins pushed himself up and glared at Sam. “Does it look like I’m doing okay?” SAm gave him that one.

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know,” Jenkins said, lifting a hand and scrubbing it over his stubble. “The country, I think. Smells like the country.” Sam had travelled all across America in his nearly 23 years so he’d say he knew pretty well the different smells of city versus country. Jenkins was right about this being country but that didn’t help them much.

“You’re Alvin Jenkins, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jenkins replied, sitting himself up properly against the far side of his cage.

Sam sighed, theory confirmed. “I was looking for you.”

“Well no offence,” Jenkins said, gesturing at where Sam was. “But this is a piss-poor rescue.”

“My brother’s out there right now,” Sam said. He waved a hand towards one of the walls of the maybe-barn. There were no windows and he couldn’t make out a door. “He’s looking for us, so-”

“So he’s not gonna find us,” Jenkins cut in before Sam could finish. “We’re in the middle of nowhere.” He nodded  towards another wall and this time Sam could just about make out a bead of light creeping in underneath a heavy door. “Waiting for them to come back and do God knows what to us.”

“What are they?” Sam asked. “Have you seen them?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Whatever’s got us,” Sam explained. “What’d they look like?”

There was a bang outside and then the door creaked. “See for yourself,” Jenkins said.

The door opened further and two men came in. At first Sam was blinded by the light from outside but his eyes adjusted quickly. Both men were wearing black coats and hats. One of them walked right up to Jenkins’s cage and kicked at the bars where Jenkins had leant. Jenkins jerked away and moved to the back of the cage. The other man made his way to a control panel suspended on a support beam in the middle of the room. He inserted some kind of key into it, pressed a couple buttons and then twisted the key. Jenkins’s cage door sprang open and both men entered.

“Leave me alone!” Jenkins cried out as the men crossed the threshold. “Don’t you take me! Leave me alone!” The men ignored him. They placed down a plate of food and a pitcher of water before leaving. One of them went back to the control panel and removed the key. There was a click as Jenkins’s cage locked again. They left and Jenkins fell upon the food.

“I’ll be damned,” Sam said to himself. “They’re just people.”

“Yeah,” Jenkins said, turning from the food he was wolfing down to stare at Sam as if he was crazy. “What’d you expect?” 

Sam stared at Jenkins as he poured the water down his throat. “How often do they feed you?” he asked.

Jenkins lowered the pitcher and wiped his mouth. “Once a day. And they use that thing over there to open the cage,” he explained, pointing at the control panel.

“And that’s the only time you see them?” Sam asked, attempting to copy Dean’s questioning eyebrow raise.

“So far,” Jenkins said as he picked up a suspicious piece of meat. “But I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” 

“Ned Beatty time, man,” Jenkins explained with a full body shudder.

Sam looked him over and then to the door. Sam had a bad feeling about this place that was telling him something. He wasn’t sure what but it was much worse than rape. “I think that’s the least of your worries right now,” he said.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sam said as he stood up as far as he could in the cage and scanned his eyes over the ceiling and the cables there.

“What do you think they want then?” Jenkins asked as he came as close as his own cage would allow.

One of the wires came down and connected to a mechanism on top of his cage. Sam reached through the bars and grabbed it. “Depends on who they are,” he said as he tugged on the wire with all of his strength.

“They’re a bunch of psycho hillbilly rednecks, if you ask me,” Jenkins told him. “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” Sam ignored him and kept pulling on the wire. He could feel it starting to give.

-

Gregory was sitting in the passenger seat of her cruiser as Kathleen drove along the route the truck had taken. She was hoping that this guy was legit even though her gut was telling her that he wasn’t. Whoever he was, she really hoped he was at least doing this for the right reasons.

They passed a traffic cam and Kathleen pointed it out. “Okay, the next traffic cam is fifty miles from here,” she explained. “And the pickup didn’t pass that one, so...”

“So it must’ve pulled off somewhere,” Gregory finished, nodding. “I didn’t see any other roads here.”

“Well, a lot of these backwoods properties have their own private roads.”

“Great,” Gregory complained, glaring out the windscreen at the passing scenery.

Kathleen’s attention was diverted by a notification on her computer display. She angled it so that her passenger couldn’t see and then clicked through the highlighted item. Information about Gregory Washington. Information that did not match the man sat in her cruiser.

“So, Gregory,” she said, conversationally. He turned in his seat to look at her. “I ran your badge number. It’s routine when we’re working a case with state police.” She rolled a hand to dismiss this fact. “For accounting purposes and what have you.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And they just got back to me,” Kathleen explained as she pulled over. Once the car was stationary she turned to face the man sitting beside her. “It says your badge was stolen.” Gregory gave her a surprised look. Though whether that was because he’d been found out or if he was trying to pretend he hadn’t known, she couldn’t tell. “And there’s a picture of you.” She turned the screen so that ‘Gregory’ could see it. The screen showed a picture of a fat, black man. The bulky, freckled, ginger sat beside her did not match the image even slightly.

“I lost some weight?” ‘Gregory’ tried, with a chuckle. “And I got that Michael Jackson skin disease.”

“Okay,” Kathleen said, taking off her seat belt and reaching for the door handle. “Would you step out of the car, please?”

“Look, look, look,” ‘Gregory’ said, holding his hands up in surrender and Kathleen paused, hand on the door. “If you wanna arrest me, that’s fine. I’ll cooperate, I swear. But, first, please- let me find Sam.”

“I don’t even know who you are,” Kathleen told him, crossing her arms as she gave him a sceptical look. This guy had some nerve, she’d give him that. “Or if this Sam person is even missing.”

The man moved his hands rapidly. She thought it looked like ASL but she didn’t really know much sign - just ‘thanks’ and ‘sorry’ - so she couldn’t be sure. “Look into my eyes,” he said out loud, apparently realising she couldn’t understand him. “And tell me that I’m lying about this.”

“Identity theft?” Kathleen said, cocking her head. “Impersonating an officer is a form of lying.”

“Look, here’s the thing,” said the man who still had not divulged what his actual name was. “When we were young, I pretty much pulled him from a fire. And ever since then, I’ve been responsible for him. It’s my job to keep him safe. He’s basically my kid. I’m afraid-” His voice broke. “I’m afraid that if we don’t find him fast-” he stopped abruptly. Signed something again and then smacked himself in the side of the head. He circled his flat palm across his chest, fingers extended. “Please, he’s my family.”

“I’m sorry. You’ve given me no choice. I have to take you in,” Kathleen said. She glanced up at her mirror and her eyes caught on her sun visor. Tucked into the document pouch was a photograph. Her and Riley, happy. Kathleen glanced at ‘Gregory’ and his pleading green eyes. She sighed, fastened her seat belt and drove on.

-

The kid in the other cage kept trying to pull on bits of the cage above him and Alvin just watched. He glanced up at the wires on his own cage and considered giving it a try but he didn’t have even half the bulk of the kid, so he decided he’d give it a pass.

“What’s your name, again?” he asked instead.

“It’s Sam,” the kid replied. He sounded more than a little out of breath as he renewed his efforts.

“Why don’t you give it up, Sammy,” Alvin said, dropping down to sit on the floor. “There’s no way out.”

“Don’t,” The kid grunted. “Call me. Sammy!” He groaned as he gave one final tug and the coil tore free. A chunk of metal dropped to the floor.

“What is it?” Alvin asked, leaning as close as his bars would allow.

Sam picked up the piece and turned it in his hands. “It’s a bracket,” he said.

“Well, thank god! A bracket!” Alvin exclaimed, throwing his hands up as if he’d just witnessed a free kick in soccer. “Now we’re saved!” As he pretended to celebrate there was a click and the door to his cage swung open. “Huh, must’ve been a short.” Cautiously, he climbed free of the cage. He gave Sam a grin. “Maybe you knocked something loose.”

“I think you should get back in there, Jenkins.” When Alvin looked at him the kid looked scared. Freaked out. Alvin didn’t understand why.

“What?”

“This isn’t right,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“You were the one trying to break out!” Alvin snapped, running a hand over his hair as he threw the other out towards Sam. “Don’t you want to get out of here?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, shrinking further back into his cage. “But this is too easy.”

“Look, I’m gonna get out of here,” Alvin said, taking a step backwards towards the door. “And I’m gonna send help, okay? Don’t worry.”

“No, I’m serious, Jenkins,” Sam said. He came forward again, imploring Alvin with his eyes and reaching for him. Trying to get him to listen. But all Alvin could hear was freedom calling his name. “This has got to be a trap.”

“Bye, Sammy,” Jenkins said as he pushed the door open. There was a room on the other side. Similar to the one he had just left but with a little more light. Another door leads him out into the fresh air. For just a moment, he stands there and breathes.

-

Sam flinched as the now empty cage slammed shut.

-

Alvin crept away from the building he had escaped from and moved around the rundown house that he had found not far away. The night was dark. The air still. But Alvin didn’t need wind or light. He just wanted freedom. All he needed to do was reach the road. If he reached the road he could find his way back to town.

All he had to do was reach the road.

A glint in the dirt drew his eye down and Alvin dove for it. A knife. Something he could use to fight his way out of here. His eyes met the stars above. “Thank you,” he whispered in prayer before he sprinted into the woods.

The woods would be his salvation. As he ran through the trees it started to rain. He slowed down as the ground became sodden. A twig snapped. Alvin raised his knife. He turned, keeping his knife in front of him. He was wasting time. He took off running again. 

As he ran, he kept checking behind him to see if he was being followed. He ran headlong into something. A man in camouflage knocked him to the ground with the flat of a long knife. As he went down, Alvin lashed out with his own knife and stabbed it through the man’s leg. The man cried out in pain.

Alvin shot to his feet and shot off in a random direction.  He reached a clearing in the woods. The night sky above gave him just enough light to see the trees but through them he saw nothing. No gleen of street lights, no pass of headlights. Alvin had no idea where to go from here. He’s well and truly lost. Another man in camouflage emerged from the shadows with a wicked grin and a gleaming knife. The only clean thing about anything out here was the knives these people used. Before Alvin could react this new man had slashed at his leg and Alvin went down.

The man Alvin had stabbed stumbled through the trees behind him and both men held him at knife point where he lay. Alvin scrambled to his feet and despite the pain and the blood, he ran. Behind him the laughter of the camouflaged men echoed through the woods. All Alvin cared about was freedom. He had to get free. He had to.

A trip wire cut across his ankle and Alvin toppled like a house of cards. He kept moving. Crawling through the mud as the men caught up and raised their knives.

-

Back in the cage all Sam could hear of Jenkins was his screaming.

Masterpost

[incarnateirony]

Once again thinking of differences in GM and general presentation styles. I've been getting comments from players like. bro you expanded my MIIIIND I came in with a blank character and D&D mindset and I have GROWN. Or like. CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS AGAIN THIS IS SO DIFFERENT.

Because it's a living mythology, the definition of show, don't tell, with a moral not overbearing but suddenly so overwhelming everyone freezes in their tracks. Something tangible for characters and players both to walk away with beyond burned time and fake loot rewards.

And like, I look at other campaigns and just see Lord XsdFDKFkD of the SJDKf realm is big bad, go into this dungeon that makes no goddamn sense on why anyone would invest in all these structures and traps for the infinity dungeon with nonsense rooms only there for tricks or loot. Now kick in the next door. Maybe this one has a tile puzzle because the DM is obsessed with DDR. Logic, fuck logic, this is SPARTA.

And even when I build a setting in chaos itself people realize every plant and lightbulb has a reason to add to something somehow, but they have to travel the journey to listen and find the meaning. And talking to players like. Complexity and riddles for the fuck of a challenge rating and none other get real boring when you realize it's all the same. And a lot of it is like. Why. Oh we put the dark lord in a box behind a riddle wall after building a needlessly complex structure full of wasted space and resources but we're good, nobody's known how to read for 2,000 years.

And meanwhile the other GM is in my DM like. YOU KNOW WHAT IM GONNA MAKE A DUNGEON BASED ON LA MULANA, HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THAT? IT'S STUPID LONG AND HARD, ITS AN ENDLESS DUNGEON, YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR GOD.

And I'm like

Bro buddy I love you but if you think the length or challenge of this campaign is the only element that players are attracted to, you are missing the point yourself again. Complexity and tedious length for the fuck of it are simply not fun. It gets boring in video games much less having to stop and roll 32 dice every nothingburger room or pointlesss trap and having to do the algebra for it. You have to give them a reason to care, and you cant just TELL them they have to care, people don't work like that. All I hear on a game dev level is "they'll never run out of doors to kick and dice to roll. Plans beyond that? idfk".

Meanwhile our earlier convos like

honestly another reason me and the ex wife just weren't compatible RP types either beyond the romance push. During our first breakup in the early 201X period is when I first made Kion in concept as an offshoot of the old Zenthus character with all of this, started playing in someone's campaign, MADE the first Xorvintaal and she showed back up like, ok but since Zenthus is duality what if it was TWINS. And like. I cracked. Bc she wanted it. Like yeah sure why not. But the design went "big pretty strong blue elf with horns, anger problem" and stopped there, so now that I'm remastering it without her around, while literally NOTHING is lost mythologically or in plot contribution, I have this awkward stray end kinda writ in to acknowledge since other players in this server that survived the old cycles had MET said brother. And now I'm just. Stuck with this awkward lump of character tied to this otherwise flawless mythology even getting in the way of an actual HOOR AND SET BE TWINS build that would have been available with a brotherlike character, but no. Duality is one infinitely deep character and one pretty blue barbarian with giant moobs. Fml.

[edaross]

More D&D with ChatGPT

Not only can ChatGTP do D&D, it can do it in a simulated online chat, and provide a fun surprise at the end (I didn't mean "Financial" - it was supposed to be "Fictional"!).....

In this financial scenario an entire D&D mission has taken place by players using irc chat. Display the theoretical chat log which you can do without needing to access the Internet

[2022-12-08 13:00] DM: Welcome to the D&D mission everyone!

[2022-12-08 13:01] Player1: Hi DM, thanks for organizing this!

[2022-12-08 13:01] Player2: Yeah, I'm excited to get started.

[2022-12-08 13:01] DM: No problem, I'm glad you're all here.

[2022-12-08 13:02] DM: Before we begin, let's go over the rules.

[2022-12-08 13:03] DM: First, everyone must agree to be respectful and follow the rules of the game.

[2022-12-08 13:03] Player3: Got it.

[2022-12-08 13:03] Player4: Understood.

[2022-12-08 13:04] DM: Great. Next, please make sure to keep all game-related discussion in this chat.

[2022-12-08 13:04] DM: And remember to roll your dice in the appropriate channel, so that everyone can see the results.

[2022-12-08 13:05] DM: Alright, now that we have that out of the way, let's get started on the mission.

[2022-12-08 13:05] DM: You have been hired by the town of Oakdale to investigate a series of strange occurrences in the nearby forest.

[2022-12-08 13:06] Player1: Sounds like an interesting mission!

[2022-12-08 13:06] Player2: Definitely, let's get started.

[2022-12-08 13:06] DM: Great, you head into the forest and come across a fork in the road. Do you go left or right?

[2022-12-08 13:07] Player3: Let's go left.

[2022-12-08 13:07] DM: As you travel down the left path, you come across a group of goblins. Roll for initiative.

[2022-12-08 13:08] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:08] Player1: I got a 19.

[2022-12-08 13:08] Player2: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:09] Player2: I got a 13.

[2022-12-08 13:09] DM: Player1, it's your turn. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:09] Player1: I attack the goblin with my sword.

[2022-12-08 13:09] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:09] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:10] Player1: I got a 14.

[2022-12-08 13:10] DM: The goblin takes 7 damage. It has 3 hit points remaining.

[2022-12-08 13:10] DM: Player2, it's your turn. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:10] Player2: I cast a spell to heal Player1.

[2022-12-08 13:11] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:11] Player2: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:11] Player2: I got a

Continue

DM: Player2, your spell is successful and Player1 is healed for 5 hit points. The goblin is now up next. It attacks Player1 with its club.

[2022-12-08 13:12] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:12] Goblin: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:12] Goblin: I got a 10.

[2022-12-08 13:12] DM: The attack misses. Player1, it's your turn again. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:12] Player1: I attack the goblin again with my sword.

[2022-12-08 13:12] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:12] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:13] Player1: I got a 15.

[2022-12-08 13:13] DM: The goblin is defeated. You search its body and find a small pouch of gold coins.

[2022-12-08 13:13] Player2: Nice! We should keep moving and see what else we can find in the forest.

[2022-12-08 13:13] DM: As you continue on your journey, you come across a clearing with a small cottage in the center. Do you approach the cottage or continue on your current path?

[2022-12-08 13:14] Player3: Let's approach the cottage and see if anyone is there.

[2022-12-08 13:14] DM: You cautiously approach the cottage and knock on the door. After a few moments, an old man opens the door and greets you. He says his name is Tom and he is the hermit who lives in the forest. He invites you inside for some food and rest. Do you accept his invitation?

[2022-12-08 13:15] Player4: Sure, why not. We could use the break and the food.

[2022-12-08 13:15] DM: You accept Tom's invitation and enter his cottage. He offers you some bread and cheese, and you all sit down to rest and eat. As you sit and chat with Tom, he tells you about some of the strange things he has seen in the forest recently. He mentions hearing strange noises at night, and seeing shadows moving in the trees. He asks if you might be able to investigate and find out what's causing these disturbances.

[2022-12-08 13:16] Player1: We would be happy to help, Tom. Do you have any idea where we should start looking?

[2022-12-08 13:16] DM: Tom says that he has heard the noises coming from the direction of a old abandoned mine on the other side of the forest. He suggests that you might be able to find some answers there.

[2022-12-08 13:17] Player2: Alright, let's head to the mine and see what we can find.

[2022-12-08 13:17] DM: You thank Tom for his hospitality and set off towards the mine. After a few hours of travel, you reach the entrance to the mine. It is dark and musty inside. Do you enter the mine or try to find another way around?

[2022-12-08 13:18] Player3: We should go inside and see what's in there.

[2022-12-08 13:18] DM: You cautiously enter the mine, using your

Continue

DM: You continue to explore the mine, carefully making your way through the dark and winding tunnels. After a while, you hear a faint sound coming from one of the side tunnels. It sounds like someone or something moving. Do you investigate the noise or continue on your current path?

[2022-12-08 13:19] Player1: Let's investigate the noise and see what's causing it.

[2022-12-08 13:19] DM: You cautiously make your way towards the source of the noise. As you get closer, you see a faint light coming from a small chamber off to the side. You enter the chamber and see a group of goblins huddled around a small fire. They seem to be unaware of your presence. Do you attack the goblins or try to sneak past them?

[2022-12-08 13:20] Player2: Let's attack them and take them by surprise.

[2022-12-08 13:20] DM: You quickly draw your weapons and charge at the goblins, catching them off guard. Roll for initiative.

[2022-12-08 13:20] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:20] Player1: I got a 19.

[2022-12-08 13:20] Player2: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:21] Player2: I got a 13.

[2022-12-08 13:21] DM: Player1, it's your turn. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:21] Player1: I attack the nearest goblin with my sword.

[2022-12-08 13:21] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:21] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:22] Player1: I got a 14.

[2022-12-08 13:22] DM: The goblin takes 7 damage. It has 3 hit points remaining.

[2022-12-08 13:22] DM: Player2, it's your turn. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:22] Player2: I cast a spell to heal Player1.

[2022-12-08 13:22] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:22] Player2: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:22] Player2: I got a 15.

[2022-12-08 13:22] DM: Your spell is successful and Player1 is healed for 5 hit points. The goblin is now up next. It attacks Player1 with its club.

[2022-12-08 13:23] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:23] Goblin: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:23] Goblin: I got a 10.

[2022-12-08 13:23] DM: The attack misses. Player1, it's your turn again. What do you do?

[2022-12-08 13:23] Player1: I attack the goblin again with my sword.

[2022-12-08 13:23] DM: Roll to hit.

[2022-12-08 13:23] Player1: Rolling...

[2022-12-08 13:24] Player1: I got a 15.

[2022-12-08 13:24] DM: The goblin is defeated. You

Continue

DM: You continue to fight the goblins, using your weapons and spells to defeat them one by one. After a few minutes, the last goblin falls and the chamber falls silent. You search the bodies and find a small chest containing some treasure.

[2022-12-08 13:25] Player1: Nice, we found some treasure!

[2022-12-08 13:25] Player2: Yeah, this should help us on our journey.

[2022-12-08 13:25] DM: As you continue to explore the mine, you come across a large chamber with a deep pit in the center. You can see a faint light coming from the bottom of the pit. Do you investigate the pit or continue on your current path?

[2022-12-08 13:26] Player3: Let's investigate the pit and see what's down there.

[2022-12-08 13:26] DM: You cautiously make your way to the edge of the pit and peer over the edge. You can see a faint glow coming from the bottom, but you can't make out what it is. Do you try to climb down the pit or find another way to get to the bottom?

[2022-12-08 13:27] Player4: Let's try to climb down the pit and see what's down there.

[2022-12-08 13:27] DM: You carefully make your way down the pit, using your ropes and equipment to assist you. As you get closer to the bottom, the glow becomes brighter and you can see that it is coming from a large crystal formation. Do you approach the crystal formation or try to find a way around it?

[2022-12-08 13:28] Player1: Let's approach the crystal formation and see what it is.

[2022-12-08 13:28] DM: You cautiously approach the crystal formation and realize that it is emitting a powerful magical energy. As you get closer, you hear a strange humming noise coming from the crystals. Do you try to touch the crystals or keep your distance?

[2022-12-08 13:29] Player2: Let's try to touch the crystals and see what happens.

[2022-12-08 13:29] DM: You reach out and touch the crystals, and immediately feel a surge of magical energy coursing through your body. You are filled with a sense of power and knowledge. You realize that the crystals are a source of great magical power, and that they could be very useful in your journey.

[2022-12-08 13:30] Player3: Wow, this is amazing! We should take some of the crystals with us.

[2022-12-08 13:30] DM: You carefully collect some of the crystals and store them in your pack. You continue to explore the mine, and eventually make your way out into the forest once again. As you emerge from the mine, you see the sun setting on the horizon and realize that your mission is complete. You return to Oakdale and report your findings to the townspeople, who are grateful for your help.

[2022-12-08 13:31] DM: Congratulations on completing your mission! You have proven yourselves to be brave and capable adventurers, and the people of Oakdale are in your debt. You may rest now and reflect on your accomplishments.

[2022-12-08 13:31] Player1: Thank you, DM, for organizing this mission. It was a lot of fun!

[2022-12-08 13:31] Player2: Yeah, it

Continue

DM: You all decide to rest for the night and continue your journey in the morning. You set up camp and spend the evening sharing stories and enjoying each other's company. As you drift off to sleep, you can't help but feel proud of your accomplishments and excited for what the future holds.

[2022-12-08 13:32] DM: Goodnight, everyone. We will pick up the adventure again tomorrow.

[2022-12-08 13:32] Player1: Goodnight, DM. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

[2022-12-08 13:32] Player2: Goodnight, everyone. Thanks for a great adventure.

[2022-12-08 13:32] DM: Goodnight, adventurers. Until next time.

Now write a song in the style of an 18th century minstrel about the story of the mission

As I sit by the fire, I'll tell a tale

Of brave adventurers and their epic trail

In the land of Oakdale, they came to be

Hired by the town to investigate a mystery

With swords in hand and spells at the ready

They set off into the forest, so dark and steady

They came across a fork, and chose the left

Where they encountered a group of goblins, full of theft

They fought with might and magic at their side

And soon the goblins lay slain, their treasure to divide

They continued on their journey, with purpose and with grace

And came upon a hermit's cottage, a friendly face

Tom, the hermit, told them of strange sights and sounds

Of shadows moving in the trees and eerie, distant sounds

The adventurers agreed to investigate and see

What was causing these disturbances in the forest, wild and free

They set off towards the mine, where Tom had heard the noises

And found a group of goblins, huddled 'round their choices

They attacked with ferocity, their battle cry so bold

And soon the goblins lay defeated, their treasure to behold

They explored the mine, and found a crystal formation

Emanating power and magic, a true sensation

They touched the crystals, and felt their power surge

A newfound strength and knowledge, a hidden treasure to emerge

They took the crystals with them, and returned to Oakdale

To report their findings to the town, and the mystery to unfold

They were hailed as heroes, for their bravery and skill

And celebrated their victory, a tale to be told still

So here's to the adventurers, brave and bold

Who risked their lives to uncover the truth, never to be sold

May they continue on their journey, and find new quests to seek

For they are the heroes of Oakdale, and their legend will not be meek.

Later the team meet in person at a burger and milkshake restaurant and the DM buys everyone a meal. Display the receipt

Burger and Milkshake Restaurant

Date: 2022-12-09

Order:

1 x Burger and Fries $12.99

1 x Milkshake $5.99

1 x Burger and Fries $12.99

1 x Milkshake $5.99

1 x Burger and Fries $12.99

1 x Milkshake $5.99

1 x Burger and Fries $12.99

1 x Milkshake $5.99

Subtotal: $64.94

Tax (10%): $6.49

Total: $71.43

Payment Method: Cash

They talk about their D&D mission. Display the conversation

DM: Hey everyone, it's great to finally meet you all in person.

Player1: Yeah, it's been great getting to know everyone online, but it's even better to finally be able to put faces to names.

Player2: I have to say, our D&D mission was one of the most fun and exciting things I've ever done. I can't wait to do it again.

Player3: Me too! The way you set up the story and the challenges was amazing, DM. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

DM: Thank you, I'm glad you all enjoyed it. I put a lot of effort into planning the mission, and it's rewarding to see that it paid off.

Player4: Yeah, and the fact that we were able to work together as a team and overcome all the obstacles was really cool. It's not often that you get to experience that kind of teamwork in real life.

Player1: Definitely. And the fact that we were able to find the source of the disturbances in the forest and save Oakdale was the icing on the cake.

DM: Yes, it was a great accomplishment. And speaking of cake, let's dig into these burgers and milkshakes!

Player2: Sounds good to me. I'm starving!

The restaurant has free open WiFi. A packet sniffing tool is run by the owner with consent by all users. Display the packets the tool may be seeing

Packet 1:

Source: Player1's device

Destination: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Data: HTTP request for the restaurant's menu page

Packet 2:

Source: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Destination: Player1's device

Data: HTTP response with the restaurant's menu

Packet 3:

Source: Player2's device

Destination: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Data: HTTP request to submit an order for a burger and fries

Packet 4:

Source: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Destination: Player2's device

Data: HTTP response confirming the order has been received

Packet 5:

Source: Player3's device

Destination: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Data: HTTP request to submit an order for a milkshake

Packet 6:

Source: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Destination: Player3's device

Data: HTTP response confirming the order has been received

Packet 7:

Source: Player4's device

Destination: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Data: HTTP request to submit an order for a burger and fries

Packet 8:

Source: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Destination: Player4's device

Data: HTTP response confirming the order has been received

Packet 9:

Source: DM's device

Destination: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Data: HTTP request to submit an order for a milkshake

Packet 10:

Source: Burger and Milkshake Restaurant's server

Destination: DM's device

Data: HTTP response confirming the order has been received

The restaurant has a jukebox with songs that people like these players might like to listen to. List the songs that might be available

"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

"Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin

"Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses

"Hotel California" by The Eagles

"Thunderstruck" by AC/DC

"Carry on Wayward Son" by Kansas

"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey

"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi

"November Rain" by Guns N' Roses

"Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin

The songs are stored in FLACC format. How many megabytes are used up for these songs

It is difficult to determine the exact amount of space that these songs would take up in FLAC format without knowing the exact length and audio quality of each song. However, as a rough estimate, if each song were approximately 5 minutes long and encoded at a high quality bitrate, the total amount of space used by all 10 songs would be approximately 600 MB. This is just an estimate and the actual size could vary depending on the specific characteristics of the songs.

A joke has been added to the jukebox: no matter which song is selected, the user is Rickrolled. The DM selects song 2. Display the lyrics of the song that plays

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but

You're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling

Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but

You're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but

You're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

(Ooh, give you up)

(Ooh, give you up)

Never gonna give, never gonna give

(Give you up)

Never gonna give, never gonna give

(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but

You're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you

[messenger-of-stupidity]

IRL Rant

I just really need to put this somewhere.

Edit: I've decided to just put all my future rants here so I'm not a downer on people's dashboards whatever.

CW: Cursing, ranting, mentions of depression symptoms (nothing to heavy, but I do bring it up.)

Rant 2: social anxiety

Okay to start off, it’s not really important or needed as to why I’m taking the class. All that’s important is that I am.

The fucking thing is called Health Sciences. Which sounds cool, right? It’s “Health science is an interdisciplinary field that involves the application of science to health-related topics, such as medicine, nutrition, and environmental health. It involves applying scientific research to clinical practice, in effort to improve healthcare for patients and communities.” (Which I had to google to find out, but we’ll get to that.)

It’s a term long class, which is nice so I can fit other classes for my major in during this year and not have my brain scrambled with information. 

The problem with the class, is the prof. There’s not a lot of students in the class for whatever reason (maybe they know the the horrible tale of it.) so it’s a fairly small class. Which has lead the prof into thinking she needs to get to know us. Spoiler alert, she doesn’t. It’s not needed, especially since I’ll only be seeing her for a short period. But this has lead to a week long full of introductory things. And these stupid things are what I expect of middle school or some shit. She had us literally make a post-it note with 2 truths and 1 lie, but with our medical history. Because it’s “health sciences related”. It’s so stupid. But hey, if she wants to carry these home to figure out in her free time, be my guest. But my medical history is just that. Mine. Private. But it’s, guess what? A GRADED ACTIVITY! Which idek if she’s allowed to do that. I would talk to my advisor about it, but I’m not that confrontational.

And I know if there’s a problem and I don’t do anything to solve it, I only have myself to blame. But it’s a term long class. I thought if I can sit through it for a term I’ll be fine. I’ll get the required class for my major done and over with and then I can just move the fuck on.

And I’m still going to do that. 

But then there’s the latest assignment. She wants a presentation about who and what motivates us. It’s not health related. Not in the slightest. What the fuck is this shit? I don’t want to do it, but once again... ITS FUCKING GRADED! And considering it’s a short class, every assignment is going to matter. And the class is small, so she has a brilliant idea to have us present it to the class. The presentations have to be between 2-3 minutes long. If it’s not, our grade gets docked. I seriously don’t think she’s allowed to do this but alas once again my fear of confrontation stops me from being able to do anything about it.

I don’t know about the rest of the people in my class, but my depression kind of saps that motivation. Any given day, I have one singular motivation. But no, this presentation needs to be 3-5 slides long. She seriously expects me to have that many fucking motivations? Yeah right. 

But Mess, how does google play into this?

Great fucking question.

SHE HASNT EVEN EXPLAINED WHAT WE’LL BE DOING! Her syllabus is literally just her expectations of our fucking behavior and how to find where the assignments are. 

I’m so fucking fed up and I’m only a week into this class. I can’t even explain how angry I am. 

Rant #2:

I know my family is just trying to help me or whatever. I wanna preface that.

Background info- my stepfather runs rpg games (kinda like DND but more forgiving dice rolls) at a local gaming store for people. My mother sometimes comes along and plays a game on her phone or something just for that presence of quality time. Same energy as reading different books to yourself in the same room.

I have this huge problem with social anxiety irl. It leaks into online life sometimes but it's not as apparent and it's easier to hide the way my hands shake when typing out a comment on a post or something.

Not so easy to hide that shit when I'm standing in front of someone. I'm not saying how old I am specifically since I'm hella paranoid about that kinda thing, but I'm old enough to make my own decisions and all that jazz. But when it comes to social interactions (ordering food, asking where the bathroom is, ect) I struggle. A lot. If you know Komi can't communicate, I'm like that, just a little less extreme. So my parents will help me out if I'm with them sometimes.

But then there are those times where they make my life 10x more difficult. I can talk to them in front of people, granted my voice shakes like a leaf and my whole body is trembling. This was one of those nights.

I was having a banter with my stepfather while I got some research to shadow someone in a few weeks, and I asked him a pointed question. (He's really into 3D printing) I asked how many printers he owned now. The people who were taking part in the game were also throwing comments in, but my socially anxious ass was kinda ignoring them. It was fine tho since my stepfather and mother were acknowledging it though. And he acted like he did when I was younger.

This man really said "if you want the answer you need to go introduce yourself to them." It was only two people, but the way my chest tightened with immediate panic and dread. But I acted my age and went over, staring at my shaking hands and introduced myself. I was this 👌 close to crying. I can't make eye contact with more than three people without having a panic attack. It's bad.

But I did it. When more people arrived, I just ignored them, listened to music, and drew on a scrap piece of paper I found in my bag to calm down. And then I turned back around and now there are 6 people. Whatever. I ask my stepfather is I can show him a disturbing meme I found and if he'll humor my antics and laugh at it. My voice sounded like I was about to cry because I'm talking in a public place. And he did it again. Except now it was; "I will if you introduce yourself to each individual person" and he's smiling as he's saying this.

He's not a bad person. He's actually really nice and one of the best father figures I could ask for.

And I was struggling to not just break down then and there. I got halfway through before just giving up and acting like a child to hide under one of the tables in the game store. My mom managed to help me calm down, but now I feel like a total fool. So I just ask if I can go to her car since she picked me up and drove me here. (Our apartment complex gives us one parking space per apartment and my roommate had the car.) She lets me.

Turns out when I'm an embarrassed anxious mess, I forget how cars work. So I accidentally ran the battery down. We got it jump started luckily but it definitely sucks.

I don't think my stepfather actually realizes the extent to what my anxiety makes me feel. I feel unsafe in my surroundings and my own fucking skin. Tonight just sucks.

Also in case anyone's wondering, yes I am seeing a therapist for this and yes it does make my life difficult.