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princess-hope-selfships · 4 months ago

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✨ Chapter One: Totally Rational Feelings ✨

Summary: Dazzler's working as a housekeeper for the Haz.bi.n Ho.tel, and she's feeling very volatile lately due to an odd mix of feelings for two different people... Angel proposes they get out for a bit, so she can chill the fuck out.

Word Count: 3034

Tags: self insert x canon, oc x canon, yet another Alast.or selfshipper, self insert and V.ox have fucked around, Dazzler doesn't know how much she liked it, V.ox is basically her sleazy boss, aroace self insert, super self indulgent, uhh what the fuck else idk, unrequited feelings OR ARE THEY 👀

A/N: Um! This is my first chapter of my first attempt at writing a long form fic. It's dated May 31, so it's been like almost 2 months since I first started writing and I have learned a lot~ Dazzler is my self insert for H.az.bin Ho.tel, she's a streamer/camgirl who works at the hotel as a housekeeper. My canon is that this takes place post season 1!

Oh and the divider is from cafekitsune !

Dazzler wondered, every day, if Vox even cared that she had found another job. Sometimes she thought it might be a power move to send him a pic of herself wearing the uniform of the hotel he hated so much. But she knew better than to taunt him like that.

Still… It would be nice at least for him to remember she existed.

And that she wasn’t at VoxTek as much anymore.

Or even living near VoxTek anymore.

Staring at her phone, she grumbled, scrolling through his Voxtagram account with a sneer. There were two pics of him with his new “favorite,” promoting the new girl’s streaming channel on VoxTube. She remembered when Vox would take pics with her and promote her channel.

With a huff she smashed the power button and threw her phone face down beside her on the couch. Crossing her arms, she leaned back, pulling her feet up onto the coffee table in front of her and she huffed again.

“He still hangin’ out with that lil tramp?” A familiar voice asked, and Dazzler jumped, startled. She lifted her gaze to find Angel Dust hopping over the back of the couch to plop himself next to her. He nestled in with a smirk, stretching his legs out over her lap and crossing one over the other.

“I don’t fucking get it,” Dazzler growled as Angel settled, an arm behind him on the armrest, to prop himself upright. “She puts on that dumbass act and everyone fucking loves it. Dumbfuck staticbrain loves it, too.”

“Mmhmm,” Angel replied, holding up his head in his hand as he watched her rant, a slight grin on his lips.

“I was top bitch on VoxTube.”

“I remember.”

“Hell, I was part of VoxTube’s launch, he didn’t know shit about streaming culture! The dumbfuck boasts that he’s all modern and shit…” She snarled, crossing her arms. “I fucking helped him launch the site! He’s gonna fucking regret it, when his new girl falls the fuck off.” Dazzler huffed again, reaching up to place a hand on her temple, her brow furrowing as she closed her eyes.

Angel tilted his head, watching her in silence, the grin on his face fading into a neutral frown. This was a regular occurrence, since they became friends.

She’d bitch about Vox and how he fucked her over, essentially. As a fellow sex object in the media, he understood her on some level. But he was in such a different place than her by now, and had a much different dynamic with his boss.

Where he couldn’t wait to get away from Val at this point, Dazzler seemed to hope that Vox would come back to her with his tail between his legs, begging forgiveness and realizing how important she was.

“Listen, are you off-a work now?” Angel asked, cutting the tense silence. He looked her over, as she pouted there in her work uniform. Her sitting around in the lobby like this usually meant that she was.

“Yeah,” Dazzler mumbled, opening her eyes just slightly. Angel pushed back against the couch with his top pair of hands, to straighten himself upright, as the second pair of hands reached out to grab Dazzler by her cheeks.

“How ‘bout, instead-a worryin’ about that dumb shit, we go for coffee or somethin’.” He squeezed her cheeks, squishing her lips into a kissy face. “You gotta chill out, Vox ain’t shit and you’re gonna go fuckin’ nuts if you keep obsessing over him.”

“Mm not fwckin’ obsewssed,” Dazzler managed to say with her cheeks squished together, causing Angel to laugh.

“Dazz, all you’ve done this past week is bitch about him!”

Dazzler’s ears pinned back as Angel lowered his hands. She glared up at him with a frustrated annoyance as he began to lift himself off the couch, but she had nothing she could say because… well. He was right.

Maybe it was because now she lived here, that she found it easier to bitch about him.

She couldn’t whine about how she felt to the other streamers he employed for partnership with VoxTube, because they’d probably snitch on her and piss Vox off, causing him to push her streams even less. She didn’t have any friends, other than people she slept with, and she couldn’t whine to them. They’d just get jealous and make her life harder.

Bittersweetly, she realized that she only just now found people she considered friends since she arrived in Hell over a year ago, and that’s why now, she talked about nothing but work, and Vox, and the other streamers.

Angel was right. She didn’t want to admit it, not to his face, but she needed to chill the fuck out.

As annoying as her circumstances were, and as fucking lame as it was that she needed an actual job now, things were pretty good since she began working at the Hazbin Hotel.

Truthfully, she had no right to really complain.

The hotel was hiring for more housekeepers, advertising that workers would be provided room and board. She needed to get the hell away from a few exes who lived near her, and she was able to move in pretty easily. The owner being the princess of hell meant money was no object, and the movers Charlie hired took extra care to transport her streaming rig. She was impressed that Charlie even hired a moving service for her at all, just out of the kindness of her heart.

The work wasn’t hard, she’d done it before, when she was alive. And the hotel was so uninhabited that there was hardly any work at all, other than cleaning up public spaces, doing dishes, taking care of laundry… really, she felt like she was more of a maid for a big house than anything.

And, her hours were reasonable, and accommodated her streaming schedule.

Charlie was a very reasonable owner, and the manager, Alastor, was pretty hands off.

Niffty, the other maid, seemed like she was just, on the clock constantly? Which she seemed to love, and meant less work for Dazzler.

So like… literally everything was perfect right now.

“Hello, earth to Dazzler?”

Angel’s voice snapped Dazzler back to reality. How long was she lost in her thoughts?

“Sorry!” She squeaked, getting up off the couch. “Yeah, you know what, fuck it. Let’s get outta here for a bit. I’m goin’ bonkers, I think.”

Angel snickered, his lower pair of hands on his hips.

“I could tell,” he snarked.

Coffee did sound nice. Her and Angel hadn’t had a little outing in a while and that’s probably why she’d been so pissy. For creatures of the night like them, an early evening coffee run wasn’t too out of the ordinary. Comfy, familiar and fun.

Dazzler sat at her vanity, fluffing out her hair after it was finally free of the ponytail she had it tied up in all day. Finally out of her hotel uniform, she was starting to feel a bit more like herself.

Perhaps it was the solitude of the cleaning job that made her so moody lately… she spent the whole time she was cleaning just stuck in her head.

Now wearing her more typical attire, she took a moment to check herself out in the mirror, smirking at the reflection that stared back at her.

An off-shoulder top, a flared skirt, and a large hair bow on the side of her head. All a dazzling red and pink, with plenty of sparkles and glitter. Perfection. Why did she ever feel off at all? No more listening to her thoughts before she was out of her uniform, she decided.

With a skip in her step, she was out the door of her room, heart-shaped purse in hand and thoughts cleared. She made quick strides through the hall, eager to meet up with Angel and get the hell out of the hotel for a bit.

“Oh! Dazzler!”

She froze mid-step, and whirled around to face the voice. Charlie was making quick strides towards her, waving her down as she approached. Dazzler’s eyes widened slightly, as she noted that trailing behind the princess was Alastor.

“Uh! Hi!” Dazzler squawked, her ears perking upright, rigid and alert. She glanced at Alastor, who wore his signature smile, walking leisurely after Charlie, a hand on his cane and the other behind his back. She forced her gaze back to Charlie.

“I’m glad we caught you,” the princess began, placing her hands together in front of her chest as she slowed down to a stop in front of Dazzler. The doe stared up at her with a quizzical look. “Alastor and I were talking about doing a performance review for you! You’ve been here for a few months now…”

Dazzler blinked up at her.

“Uh, yeah, okay,” Dazzler said with an acknowledging nod.

“And we realize you’re our first hire since we properly opened, so we wanted to do things a bit more formally now!” Charlie gave her a big smile, clapping her hands with quick little claps. She sure seemed excited about this. Dazzler couldn’t help but smile back a bit, Charlie’s cheery demeanor was always infectious to her.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Dazzler replied, nodding up at Charlie with a smirk, hands on her hips. “Guess you gotta let me know I’m the best worker somehow right?”

“Yes, we’ve been operating with a bit too lax of an atmosphere for my liking,” Alastor chimed in as he stepped up to the two. He propped his cane in front of him, both hands upon the head as he glanced down at Dazzler.

Oh no, she thought to herself as her body froze the moment she looked up at him. A nervous smile spread on her lips as they made proper eye contact.

“I’d like to go forward with a more professional attitude,” Alastor continued, tilting his head slightly with his gaze still on her.

Don’t, she pleaded, scolding herself inwardly as her heart started to race.

“Definitely,” Dazzler said, keeping her voice level and simple. Neutral. Hopefully. Alastor’s half-lidded glance turned towards Charlie, his lips closing into a long smile on his face.

“Sooo, when is a good time for you?” Charlie leaned in, hands on her chest again as she stared eagerly at Dazzler. “Alastor’s calendar is pretty much free for the next week, so really it’s up to you!”

“Oh-” Dazzler’s breath caught in her throat. “Uh! I stream on Tuesday, um, Wednesday I just do housekeeping, so, that would be pretty groovy,” she responded as casually as she could. She talked with dorky language like this all the time, so hopefully it was casual-sounding.

“Wednesday evening then!” Alastor confirmed, lifting his hands and closing his eyes for a moment before he turned back towards Dazzler. He tapped his cane back to the floor as he flashed her a bright grin, teeth and all. His eyes opened back up, his gaze intense from the moment it beheld her. “After your shift ends just come by my office and knock, my dear.”

Oh no. Dazzler fought to keep her ears upright, and they flicked slightly as she tried, not wanting them to fall back in a show of how this whole situation was affecting her. She struggled, but managed to smile up at Alastor.

“Sounds good! I’ll seeya then, homeslice.” WHY did she say that, holy shit. Clutching her purse hard in her hand, she turned quickly to proceed along the hall, her strides fast and probably unnatural, but she needed to get the hell out of there. She could hear Charlie giggling at her choice of words, and Alastor muttering something to Charlie, but she didn’t stick around long enough to process whatever he said.

With quick flustered steps she descended the grand staircase into the lobby, where Angel Dust was supposed to be waiting to meet up with her.

Holy shit. Her mind racing as quickly as her heart was.

Once again a stray moment of contact between her and Alastor had set her heart running wild, and once again she was scolding herself for having a stupid crush on one of the most powerful, scariest overlords in Hell, who now just happened to be her boss.

Alastor… Manager and host of the hotel. She knew who Alastor was before getting hired, but never saw him, not even once. She’d listened to his show a couple times, but who fucking listened to radio anymore? She only tuned in when there was absolutely nothing else on the car radio, and she only listened to the radio in the car when she forgot her aux cord.

And now she saw him literally every day.

And he was a handsome son of a bitch.

When imagining a radio host from the 1930s, it was like… some nerd, in Dazzler’s mind. Like, cartoonish levels of nerd, who only had confidence while on air, because nobody could see him. She’d seen that archetype before, in games, movies, cartoons.

Nothing prepared her for tall, suave, consistently charismatic Alastor, with his winning smile and proper, gentlemanly attitude.

As she stumbled off the stairs and into the lobby, looking around for Angel Dust, she went into rationalizing whatever feelings these were. There was no way she was going to deal with this while she went out, and she knew that Angel would be able to immediately tell she was preoccupied, he was good at that sort of thing.

Rationalizing.

This was just another little aesthetic attraction crush. Surely. She gets this feeling, sometimes, where the borderline tells her that the person being nice to her is the best person that’s ever existed, to the point of wanting to fuck them.

That was it.

Not to mention he’s polite to everyone, she reminded herself, not just her.

This is just some sort of aesthetic attraction, surely. He is handsome, that’s just how it is, and that’s all this is, too. She’d just have to deal with having a hot boss. Nothing she wasn’t used to, that’s for sure.

At least Vox reciprocated though, she thought to herself. She lifted a hand to cover her face, realizing what a fucked up thought that was, thinking fondly of her boss who regularly took advantage of her, and she’d regularly enjoy it and let him. The point is. I’ll get over it. This is a temporary crush just like everyone else. Just like all my fuckbuddies, just like the people I pick up at the club, and just like Vox.

Vox…

She huffed out a frustrated sigh at the momentary realization that struck through her, that Vox was definitely over her.

But she opted for bottling that shit right up as she looked around for Angel. Her eyes caught sight of him descending the stairway, all dressed up and ready for their outing, with Fat Nuggets stuffed into his purse, peeking out into the lobby.

“Hey! There you are, damn,” she called out, stepping up to the foot of the stairs. “I’ve been waiting FOOOOR EVERRRR.”

“Shut the hell up,” Angel snapped back with a smirk, stepping onto the floor, towering over Dazzler. He leaned down to bring his face level with hers, his expression snarky and full of mischief. “I got caught up in somethin’.”

“Oh yeah?” Dazzler replied, a smirk on her lips as she pulled her purse strap up over her shoulder. Placing her hands on her hips, she continued. “Like what, it’s been like 20 minutes, what could’ve happened between then and now?”

“It was pretty juicy, I’ll tell ya that. We’ll talk about it over coffee.”

Intrigued, Dazzler was about to reply, but her eyes strayed for just a moment, catching sight of Charlie and Alastor above, stepping onto the landing. They paid her and Angel no mind, clearly in the midst of a conversation, but the mere sight of them again sent a jolt of anxiety through Dazzler’s body.

“You- You ready to go??” Dazzler asked quickly, her eyes darting back up to Angel. Returning her eyes to him only made her jump, as he was still leaning in, and his expression was even snarkier.

“Yeah, let’s go fuck shit up,” he replied, straightening himself upright, a hand on his hip and the other holding up his purse. Just as Dazzler was turning to leave, Angel whirled around to wave up at Charlie and Alastor, calling out to them with an obnoxiously loud voice. “Bye Charlie, byyyyyye Al, we’re goin’ out for coffee!”

Dazzler nearly leapt out of her skin as Angel made a show of waving his hand overdramatically, catching their attention with ease if his voice hadn’t already. Charlie leaned over the banister, all too eager to wave the two off, with Alastor standing silently behind her, clearly frustrated to have been interrupted.

“Want us to bring ya anything back?” Angel asked, reaching up to lower his sunglasses and grinning up at the two. Dazzler stared up at him, wide-eyed, before her eyes darted back up to the landing. “Dazzler’s buyin’, maybe she can get you a lil somethin’ sweet ‘n sugary, Smiles?”

WHAT IS HE DOIIIIING. Dazzler was shrieking inside, and did her best to keep a calm exterior. She started to turn away, stopping halfway to turn back to Angel and reach up to smack him.

“Wait, who’s buying?!”

“No, no, that won’t be necessary, thank you,” Alastor replied before Dazzler could get into it with Angel Dust. She timidly peered up at him past her eyelashes, spotting his less-than-amused grin as he glared at Angel.

Alastor must have noticed her gaze, because before long he turned his attention to her, expression softening slightly. This caused Dazzler to finally make the full turn, and she grabbed Angel’s arm as she did so, and leading him to the main entrance.

“Okay, no problem!” Dazzler called, not looking back as she lifted her other hand to wave up at Charlie and Alastor, “we’ll be back later so!! Text us if you need us!”

“Ooh, ooh, bring me back a-” Charlie attempted to quickly squeeze in a request, but she was cut off by the sound of the main entrance’s doors falling shut. “Aw…”

#self ship #self ship community #self ship fanfic #self shipping #my fics #Oh Dear My Deer #self insert fanfic #RadioGlitter

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rabbit-bf · 6 months ago

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You Never Forget Your First Kill

Ship: Oddfellow/Caster

Warnings: Graphic description of violence, gore, murder, and drug references

A/N: This fic is a part of Caster’s canon timeline! It was originally just the art but I felt like the art needed the whole context. Also if any main fandom members find this, I know it’s not entirely canon compliant and Odd is ooc let me LIVE.

Music Fest ‘69, the weekend of a lifetime. Quite possibly multiple lifetimes. Quite possibly, the rest of time. Depending on who you showed up with, who you were there to see, and what your state of being was, you either made it through that weekend or you didn’t. It was either the end of your enjoyment of live music, or the start of an eternity of it. No one got out entirely unscathed.

For Caster it had been utterly unbelievable. The first hours had been, at least. Nothing but snorting and smoking whatever he could get his little paws on, never coming down from the lovely floaty feeling he craved. Good music by artists he’d been waiting years of his life to see, and interesting people to talk to all around. The plucking of bassists making his fingers tingle while the kick drums all around were felt in his chest. He got to speak with friends he hadn’t seen in months, and on top of all that it gave him an excuse to use the shiny new camera he’d bought himself for his 24th birthday, fresh roll of film and all.

He had even met a dashing young man in his travels. Earlow Wolfe, he said his name was. Ochre skin, much like the light coming from the sunset beyond, and a face that can only be described as beautiful. He proudly dawned a red marching vest that reminded Caster of Stg Peppers and a full afro that he had conveniently tied away from his face with a colorful scarf. He also, notably, had a dark scar that ran across his left cheek. The two sat in a field, passing a sparse joint back and forth, and only taking breaks to converse.

Caster had run off behind one of the smaller stages in an attempt at a break, a country-rock act on the ladder half of their set as he rushed by. He had headed off to find somewhere quiet, at the very least somewhere less loud than the concert floor. He had been going since dawn and by now was nursing a bit of a headache, alongside his usual state of overstimulation. The only person he saw in the blank patch of grass was the man and he decided it was better than the sweaty bodies, loud speaking, and reek of alcohol that the rest of the festival carried.

Once they got to talking, they clicked. Earlow offered him a pre-roll he had in the inside pocket of the brightly colored vest, and of course Caster wasn’t going to say no. It wasn’t ideal, but by this point in the day you really couldn’t complain if you were able to take anything you didn’t smuggle in yourself. Caster didn’t particularly care what he did, or who he it was from, but he still couldn’t help but giggle about it. He found it humorous that after hours of putting the harshest material in his body he was being offered some simple weed.

When they met, Earlow was frustrated. His breath was still short and his jaw still clenched so hard you’d think he was breaking teeth. He had been talking to someone about their “plans for the weekend” and said other person apparently did not agree despite their supposed months worth of planning. So he stormed off, understandably, trying to find a secluded place to destress and smoke on his own. He was thinking of throwing away the plan all together, but then he happened to find Caster, and his mood changed entirely the longer they spoke.

To make multiple hours worth of stories much shorter, the two ended up talking with one another until it was almost nightfall. About life, about insecurities. Caster going on about how he wanted some purpose, some religion that didn’t need a church. How badly he wanted to stop his diseases and pain so he could continue his life of touring, and getting high, and selling his photos. How he wanted a purpose, and a job, but not to give in to the corporate world. The man couldn’t help but agree with some of the things being said, a lot about purpose, and power, and humanity. Their conversations flowed nicely, and naturally.

Cas thought they may stay there until one or both fell asleep, but right at sundown, Earlow was called away by someone at the bottom of the hill. They reminded him of the time, and that they needed to get going. Whatever plans he had with his friends were more important than him, which he wasn’t too offended about. Such is the way of the festival, after all. He decided to stay where he was, though. After all, the sets he wanted to see were done, he was pumped full of green by now, and he needed a nap. It would be inconsequential, right?

In the time that he was asleep, a hoard of vampires had invaded the festival grounds. They got in with ease, and now roamed every inch of the property His smoking partner was needed to direct and control them, and was doing wonderfully at is while Cas slept away in the grass. Screams and hisses echoes from one side to the other, no one could avoid the panic and terror of it all. The sound of a final breath was impossible to ignore. Unless you were Caster, of course, who was still high and now barely awake.

There were countless bodies scattered around the small stage by the time he had sobered up enough to come down the hill. He hadn’t noticed a single thing wrong, with how high and tired and fatigued he was. There was a large part of him that wasn’t even sure he was awake yet, the weed still fogging his brain. The only thing that tipped him off on anything being wrong was the appearance of a friend of his from the group of vampires he hung around. A friend that would never be at a festival like this, certainly not one including the artists she always referred to as “hippie shit” and poked fun at Caster for playing. It was far out of her tastes.

He could tell by her vicious demeanor that she was there for business, and yet when she found him buzzed and alone, she still usher him somewhere she deemed safe. After barking at him about how stupid he was, of course. One of the busses that lined the dark side of the bigger stages, full of the whatever bands personal belongings. She shoved him into the very back room, where there was a table and various leather couches built into the bus. What used to transport famous musicians now hid the young mortal that was away from the prowling, prying, eyes of the dangers outside.

Caster trusted his friends more than he did his own parents. Even if they were in the mix, hunting and killing, he trusted them. He was not going to move an inch from where she put him. Even as the screams got further from him. Even as his high faded into nothing but a faint mist.

Eventually, Earlow found his hiding spot. Before he even said a thing about the invasion, he asked a question. If Caster would like to become “one of them”, a vampire, that is. Caster had always considered it, being friends with no one besides a group of those with vampirism. This was on impulse, though. Some outside force telling him that this was the right path. Right now, with this man, as unprofessional and unsanitary as it was. It was either be turned, or die by his hand. He couldn’t help but wonder for a moment if he was the only one offered this way out, if their conversations in the daylight had influenced Earlow’s choices with the boy now. He didn’t have much time to ponder before letting his instincts win, and accepting.

It was just off from being erotic. The tension they possessed in the grass just as present, even after the mask had been lifted. His calm demeanor despite the dismal scene outside, and his straight forward manner of speaking was hard not to melt under. Gentle hands on Caster’s wrist as he brought it to his mouth, sinking his teeth into the dry flesh underneath. Feeling him puncture his veins nearly made Caster scream; From the pain or how much he enjoyed it, he has yet to pin point. His immediate blackout, and the knowledge that Earlow had stayed with him the entire time he was out didn’t help the connection he felt. The intimacy of it all.

He felt stronger upon waking up. More stable, fully sober for the first time in days. His body felt clean, like the last eight years of backlogged trauma had never happened. The thoughts that barked and barked were gone, his breath even felt lighter. The grogginess and indescribable pain he usually felt upon waking up wasn’t present. Even as Earlow relayed instructions and rules and information, the sting of anxiety he expected to feel at the unknown never came. His “go with the flow” persona was true now that the panic that always lulled in his bones was gone.

Despite this, he still didn’t feel “ready” by any means. He wished for some way to prepare, a practice round. He didn’t want to ask Earlow for any more instruction, but he wasn’t adapted enough to be on his own. Thus, he attached himself to Earlow’s hip like velcro, watching closely as he worked like a machine. Commanding groups like soldiers, even when they veered so far off course you’d think they had forgotten their task all together. Swiping lives like it was nothing as he took a kill or two for himself. His utter confidence as he oversaw the entire event.

Caster didn’t want to hurt anyone, it was one of the last things he wanted to do, actually. It was something he hadn’t considered when he accepted the trade for his life, the necessity of taking lives. His vampire friends talked about their killings all the time, and he always acted like he understood. He could never entirely understand what would convince someone to kill, though. Causing harm to another living being, no matter how big or small, felt vile. It made him feel even more tainted than he already did. He was always a true hippie in that way.

He knew that he had to, though. Killing, scaring, taking. It was all a part of his new way of life. The way his kin interacted with the world, the thing they do best. Especially in times like these, when they were all together with the intention of losing as many lives as possible. A successful raid, hundreds of souls being torn from their bodies. To water the plants with the bloodshed. He couldn’t be afraid forever, he would have to follow in their footsteps sooner than later.

Caster had been on Earlow’s heels for a good thirty minutes. He could feel the frustration rising in him, and knew he was holding him back. Still, he insisted on staying near, up until Earlow snapped at him. “I know you are scared but, for my sake, please do your job. At the very least find someone else to follow.” He wasn’t harsh, just frustrated. The plan wasn’t going as well as it could be. Caster knew he needed to put in the work. “We need more bodies. Can you handle one or two?”

Something in his tone of voice caused his mind to shift. Something clicked. That block in his mind that told him to put his own needs first, and survive any way he could, simply crumbled. Whether it was his self destructive tendencies, his guilt, or if Earlow’s words gave him the motivation and confidence to serve, the man could have asked him to do anything and he would have obeyed. A switch was permemantly flipped.

He nodded, much to Earlow’s surprise and relief. Bristly walking past and off into the dust that had been picked up. He didn’t have a plan, but he had the confidence, and for a Reed kid that was more than enough. When they want something done, they make sure it’s done well. He was going to get blood on his hands tonight. He would soak his clothes in it, keep pools in his mouth to bring back to the man, if it pleased him. He was going to be useful.

It didn’t take him long at all to find someone to test his new teeth on. It was a festival of thousands, not everyone could be lying dead just yet, even this late into the night. His target was meek, pathetic. Late twenties, maybe mid thirties. Probably here for the same country-rock act Caster had shoved past so many hours ago. Not the type he’d ever be friends with. He wore a tight fitting polo and a pair of jeans with a belt half the width of his waist. He appeared to be an easy option, if he was going for kill and not maim.

He was cowering by one of the big signs that advertised the many bands that were set to play the festival. Likely thought he couldn’t be seen from where he was, but he was gravely mistaken. Casters eyes were set on the scrawny young man, and he felt a hunger deepen in his stomach. An urge like nothing else he’d felt. So much stronger than any sex drive, more intense than any drug. It was close to consuming him, like he would soon be unable to control his own thoughts.

He continued to stalk him for a few moments more, watching as he self soothed, steadied his breathing. Calmed down behind the big painted piece of fabric. He eventually sat down on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest and setting his chin down. Despite the outside demeanor, he was obviously still paranoid as his eyes darted left to right and back again every so often. Cas made sure to keep close watch on his eyes, to see exactly where they were pointed when.

He approached slowly. Step by step, inching his way closer to the yuppie looking kid. It wasn’t a hard task. The noise around the camp ground was still loud with screams and shoes hitting the dirt as victims and killers ran by. No matter how hard you can try to be vigilant in situations like these, chances are you’ll miss something in the sound of your own paranoia.

When his gaze was pointed the opposite, he pounced. Quite literally. Throwing his entire weight at the man, hands pushing his shoulders to the ground where he was sat. His back hit the gravel with a crack that echoed over the nearby hills. It felt a bit overkill, but Caster was just as nervous as this kid was. He couldn’t risk losing him, letting him get away. Especially when he didn’t know how many easy targets like him were left.

He snarled at the person under him, showing off his new sharp teeth with a dramatic hiss. It felt silly. Like a kid playing pretend. This scenario had been a fantasy in his head since he was a kid. Not the vampirism or murder, but being worth something. Having a purpose that was more than bagging groceries. He didn’t want to mess this up, wouldn’t mess this up.

The man began shaking, from head to toe, absolute terror plastering his now pale face. He didn’t have the strength to pull away, and he didn’t try. The force of the knock took the wind from him, and now Caster had one leg pushing both of his into the small rocks beneath them. The other was up by his chest, intimidatingly close to his heart. The boots he wore were thick, and heavy, and made the gravel crunch as he let all of his weight fall into them.

The hunger he felt became overwhelming. This close to a body so vulnerable, it overtook him entirely. His body no longer felt like his, it belonged to Earlow. It belonged to the cause, and would be used to further it in any way he could. He didn’t mind it. The only part he truly did mind was this urge. The deep starvation that he couldn’t push aside, that he knew he’d need to learn to wrangle and control. The urge that gave him the need for warm flesh on his tongue, sticking itself between his molars.

Looking at the boy, he was almost drooling. He imagined his untouched, moisturized, skin breaking with ease. The bruises that would be left behind once his teeth sunk in, painting the space around the wound. The way he would squeak and scream as he accepted his fate, it sickened him how appealing it sounded.

“If you want a chance to live, I suggest leavin’ now.” Cas voiced through a clenched jaw. Eyes not leaving his for a single second, the grip he had on his shoulders only getting tighter as he let his grown out nails leave crescent shapes in his skin. “You probably won’t get out, but it’s better than being the first person I take this shit out on.”

If he lifted his hands, they’d be trembling. That’s why he kept them as close to the ground as possible, to mask how nervous he was about going through with this. The kid only sat there, breathing ragged, and eyes filling half of his face with how wide they grew. He made no attempt to escape, or fight back, just sat as is his death looked him in the eye. Likely stuck in a freeze response, an innocent deer trapped in the viewfinder of a gun.

Caster took that as a go ahead. His queue to enter the spotlight, to take center stage for his first showing. He prepared himself, repositioning his body to easier gain access to the man. His left hand stayed on his shoulder, the right held both of his wrists together above his head. Legs pinning him to the ground with knees on either side of his waist, despite the pain it was causing Cas. There was no chance he was taking up the offer to run now, laid out and presented in the same way they showed meat in cooking magazines. He couldn’t have run if he tried.

There was hesitation. A moment where Cas thought, maybe, if he let the kid go and snuck off the premise that he could move on. Continue living as he was before just now with the added benefits of vampirism. An image of being able to go to festivals and shows with no fear, and stalking the night with his friends flashed by. He reassessed again, quickly. Running away to live in the mundane he always had was appealing, but sticking with Earlow was exciting. It was brand new territory, something he’d never experienced before. He may never get the opportunity to restart his life like this again.

He sent his tongue over his teeth, and let the hunger assume control of his body in its entirety. He decided he would worry about the consequences later, and savor the taste of flesh in the meantime. Finally letting his freshly sharpened canines pierce the man’s neck, the expected metallic tang filled his mouth immediately. It was dramatic, but classic, and he thought it was a good place to start.

No screams, rather no noise at all. He still didn’t make an attempt to run, didn’t move beside his eyes shutting so hard they wrinkled at the edge. He took in a breath so hard it whistled between his teeth. The hands that were picking at this side now balled into fists between Casters iron grip.

He savored the feeling of breaking through skin. Like the fatty part of a good meat, so well done it was nearly jerky. Tough to break through, but satisfying to puncture. He thought his teeth may shatter the harder he bit down, jaw strength not at the level it needed to be to complete such a task. The victims muscles only tensed, making it even more difficult to make it through his already stiff neck.

He removed his teeth off the man soon after he’d made the initial wound. Lapping at the blood that was generously dripping from the it. The only blood he’d ever tasted was his own, he’d never considered that it may taste differently, but it surely did. It was nearly humorous how quickly Caster realized it was the medications. This man didn’t take the dozen of medications that he did, the entire twcture of his blood was different. No thin consistency, metallic smell pungent, dark red rather than a watered down pink. He thought it was funny, smiling down at his victim.

He couldn’t imagine how he must look to anyone who took a glance at this moment. Straddling a conformist whose hands he had trapped between his. No sexual tension present, despite the display. Chuckling to himself, a grin across his face as the fluid of life clung to his yellowed teeth and dripped down his already bright red tee shirt. It must have been a sight, a beautiful one.

It was progress. Not much of it, but nonetheless, progress. The threshold had been jumped, he was on the easy side of it now. All he had to do was finish the job. All he had to do was choose what way he wanted to exterminate this man. Maybe find one of those dangerous pressure points he remembered from middle school health class. Maybe choke him until he simply blacked out. Maybe tear out the poor kids throat.

He was urged towards the later, his mouth watering at the thought of torn flesh. The smell that would permeate the area, even more so than it already was. A wild animal, that’s what he was. No craving he’d had was this strong. Uncontrollable, unavoidable. The boys soft ragged breathing was enticing. Inviting, like a friend offering you to stay for dinner. He was lured in, unable to focus on anything but the wound he’d already caused.

Before his morals could get in the way, he bit down again, hard. Using all the strength his jaw had, he sunk in as deep as he could. He clamped down like a bear trap. Pulling back, he felt the muscle rip between his canines, tendons snapping one by one, eyes closed tight with the effort it took. Blood coated his mouth, thick and abundant, as he continued to pull the flesh away from the body. By now the once tense muscles had entirely calmed, the quick breaths that taunted him just moments ago were gone.

Casters hands and shirt and face dripped with red. The concrete underneath the pair was likely stained, and the substance was soaking the now unmoving body. It was horrific and human and monstrous. It was disgusting and delicious and he couldn’t think of a single place he wanted to be less as he stared into the lifeless, stunned, eyes of the person he had just killed. Killed.

He leaned back, as far away from the body as he could get in one motion. As far away from the pooling liquid as he could get. Into the grass right behind them, pulling his knees up to his chest much like the dead had done while Caster was looming nearby. His eyes shut, and his breathing increased in pace. His nose wrinkles as if in disgust. Which wasn’t the furthest from the truth, the still human part of him was utterly disgusted at his actions. Asking himself what he had just done in a whisper.

Wetness on his face, sticky drying blood on his hands. Sitting curled up against himself, trying not to think about the consequences of the actions he’d just taken. He was disappointed in himself, he could have done better, he could have done worse. There were a hundred ways to take someone’s last breath, and he took the cheesiest way. There were a hundred ways he could have gotten out of this situation, and yet he still went through with it. The mental image of what he’d just done flashing through his head like a film reel. Over, and over, and over. Reminding him of all the things he did wrong, all the things he did right.

The conflicting thoughts became too much. They encompassed him. The battle against himself, the battle between him and the body growing cold next to him, was so angry it drowned out the sounds of whatever was happening on the rest of the festival grounds. The only thing he could hear was how horrible he was, one way or the other. He didn’t see the excited new group of guests arriving for what they thought would be a wonderful night of music. He didn’t notice the excited vampires running towards the entrance in hopes of fresh meat. He didn’t feel the cracking traces of blood that lined his hands and neck. He certainly did not hear Earlow’s large boots clanking against the ground as he approached him.

“Open your eyes, boy.” He demanded, usual tone traded for one soft and optimistic. A deep contract to the brash and commanding voice he’d taken on in the earlier hours of the night. Not quite the voice he used while they were smoking in the grass, but not much like the boom he had after true night fall. You could hear the smile as he spoke, and yet Caster was still surprised when he finally looked up and found Earlow’s upturned lips and shiny teeth. Welcoming, calm, a terrifyingly comforting sight in the middle of the chaos.

His eyes opened slowly, lashes flittering as he blinked away the stinging tears he didn’t even know were pooling. Earlow was crouched in front of him, leaning his elbows over his knees. Hair no longer pulled back, and spattered with blood and dirt all across his chest. His grin spanned his entire face, wicked and truly joyful. The frustration he carried when they had parted appeared to have dissipated as he stared back at his underdog with pride.

Caster wiped his face, quickly trying to piece back the facade he had taken on mere minutes ago. Attempting to seem like the tough guy he had been, and failing as the tears kept falling. It wouldn’t make a difference if he had been able to put the mask back on, as Earlow had already seen him. He didn’t seem to mind much, though. The young boy’s weakness, and show of emotion. He knew the strong point that it was, and that the soul he still possessed was a privilege.

“You truly did it.” His smile spread, showing off each and every pointed tooth in his mouth. He adjusted his position, now kneeling. He put his hands on either side of Casters sweet, blood stained, face. Thumb brushing away the stray bits that sat too closely to his eyes, gentle and uncharacteristic care in his action. His gaze looked soft, appreciative, like he was looking over a creation. A work of art. “You are brilliant,” he near whispered. “You will be brilliant.”

“Brilliant?” He asked just as quietly, voice cracking under the pressure of trying not to let the emotions overtake him again. No more tears or overreaction, his actions were already catching up to him. His hands met Earlow’s wrists, wrapping around them tightly. Not in any attempt to pull them away or defy the touch, rather, gently. Like he would melt if he wasn’t connected to another person. “I killed another man- killed him in a way so painfully he didn’t even scream.”

“That is exactly why you are the star of the night, my dear.” He spoke genuinely. This was no manipulation nor pandering. He was speaking nothing but the truth, the pride he felt for the young vampire was absolutely radiating. It brought him the utmost joy to see the boy give in to his urges, to let the hunger take over, and serve with his own pride. Even if it scared him. Such enthusiasm to work for him, even with the circumstances, was refreshing and irresistible.

Caster cocked his head to the side like a dog. He was confused. He had killed one single person, and was pouting about it next to the body. He cried about it, had sat spacing out for god knows how long. There were others that had taken a dozen, and gloated about it. There were others that had fun in their kills, and laughed about it. There wasn’t anything special about him, in fact he was more so pathetic; an utter waste of time. An utter waste of Earlow’s energy.

“You are the single person who obeyed. Others fell into their fear, turned away, ran off. But you, not you~” Earlow scanned over Casters face, looking over every detail with admiration. He looked even better when soaked in innocent blood, he thought. “You, little one, did just as I said and more. You showed such a strong hold of your anxieties, and all for me? I couldn’t be more flattered. You gave me a body with such little hesitation, and that is something to be noted.”

Cas couldn’t accept that. He had no response, besides his eyes that became more white space than pupil. He did a horrible thing tonight, and wasn’t even good at that. What did such a powerful person see in him.

“I’m obviously not the only one who’s- killed tonight.” Caster forced the word out of his mouth. It tasted like bile against his tongue. He shifted, knees hitting the floor as he kneeled. The knees to chest position he was in before was beginning to get painful, but he didn’t have the strength to yet stand. His hands still shook, and his limbs felt weak, he wasn’t sure he even could stand. “Are you just saying this so I’ll feel special or keep helping you?”

Earlow shook his head. His facial expression remained unchanged in a way that appeared so unnatural. Other worldly. He leaned in closer, so close that if Caster was still sitting up how he was moments ago, the man’s hair would just be brushing his face. “There’s no trick. I am proud of your work. I see potential in you- I see a future where you could do good for the cause.”

‘I am proud.l It repeated in Casters head, rung between the sides of his skull like the clapper of a bell. He wished to hear it again, and again. ‘Proud’ was not something he heard in his direction. He’d been praised, for many things, but has he ever had someone outwardly prideful of him? No, not that he could ever remember.

“I want to be a part of that future, if you’ll have me.” He said, almost weak in tone. Despite everything he had learned through the night, he still trusted the man. Something about his presence drew him in, calmed his mind more than any medication or drug. He never wanted to leave him, never have to part.

Earlow laughed darkly, reaching a blood covered hand out to Caster. He leaned back some, making himself a bit taller than he was. The gesture was subtle, in a way. No words, but Caster understood everything that was being asked by the outstretched hand. It was an offer of solidarity. An outreach in the name of partnership, becoming part a permeant fixture in the team. Familiarity, routine, commitment.

He thought back to the conversations they had earlier in the day. Caster spilling his guts on the grass, not having any clue he’d be spilling guts down on the concrete. He thought about all of the details he’d shared about his urge to find a purpose, and the need for family that was not by blood. This man was offering him everything he’d dreamed of since leaving home at nineteen. This was everything he wanted.

He reached forward, accepting the hand. Earlow’s grip was firm and sure against Caster’s shakes and weakness. He was pulled to his feet, feeling a sort of peace when looking at the taller man. Finally, he had something, someone. The days of wishing he was worth anything was over, as he was going to prove himself. After he tonight, he knew he could. He already had.

“Welcome, my dear~”

#♍️#self ship fanfic #self ship art #self ship #self shipping #self ship community #self shipping community

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sinnamonn · 7 months ago

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I’ve been deep into my isekai hyperfixation lately, especially with my silly little bsd self insert and I got to wondering: would the ‘canon’ characters feel a sense of uncanny valley when they interact with the transmigrator?

Imagine it, you’re going about you day until you suddenly come across someone. They seem normal enough, maybe a little bit confused , but you can’t shake the feeling that something is just off about them. It makes no sense, they look and talk like any other person but something in the most primal part of your brain is screaming at you that this person is wrong.

Then you notice how they’re looking at you, like they know you down to every minute detail. Even the parts that you’ve never told anyone, that you’ve kept hidden for as long as you can remember. Why are they looking at you like that? This person is a stranger yet looks at you with such intimate familiarity and it makes your stomach churn.

I’m surprised no one has played with that regarding isekai because it’s such an interesting angle and would establish just how out of place the mc is, especially from the perspective of the other characters.

#self ship #isekai #self insert #self ship writing #self insert writing #self ship fanfic #bsd #au: approaching abjection

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pastelpousay · 2 months ago

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“Ask the Girl”

A/N: Fun fact I wrote this entire thing on paper 🙈 I’m so silly right 😋😽 I mostly wrote this so I can get used to writing them interact before I work on the second chapter which should be done by Late October if I lock in but yayyyyy Hadina content!!

Warnings: thoughts of self doubt, slightly ‘possessive’ thoughts (from Hades of course what else could you expect) kind of ooc Hades, this is really really long 😭but that’s it I believe.

For the longest time now, Rina has had a massive crush on Hades, and with how well he was able to read people— he sure as hell took notice after at least a couple months. It was so incredibly obvious, the fact he hadn’t noticed her behavior sooner damn near made him want to laugh out loud. How had he not realized? All the signs were there; she did everything he asked without much question, always taking over his work when the both of them were far too tired to, her mood boosting practically any time she saw him. All this on top of the general respect, kindness and compassion she showed towards him. She had never did any of that out of fear of him, he could look into her eyes and tell how utterly sincere she was and gods— that look she gave him was just everything to him. It was sweet like honey yet soft as the clouds on Olympus. Gods it just made the man melt, but oh- did it irritate him so. That lovey dovey feeling in his chest whenever the two of them held eye contact made his nonexistent heart thump. Why did he feel this way? It make him feel so…weak.

Hades took a moment to lean back in his office chair as he let out a rather exasperated sigh. He couldn’t believe this was happening right now, what the hell was wrong with him? As of recent he had been a bit on edge, how had Rina not noticed his so obvious advances? It practically drove the God mad. Was she that obvious with her feeling and that oblivious to his? You’d think an offer to be a God’s plus one to an Olympic party would be enough to get the point across, but apparently not. Perhaps he had misinterpreted her behaviors into something he would rather it be than just plain kindness.

‘I’m overthinking all this- I need forget about it— besides I’m Hades, lord of the dead. I don’t need to be worried over such a nonsensical thing— it’s only a little rejection, no biggie.’ Hades sat there for a moment thinking it over. Had she actually rejected him? Why was he even still thinking about this— he had work to do, he didn’t need to be stressing over something as futile this.

Hades sat forward in his chair, attempting to reassure himself that rejection was no big deal, he was so used to it after all.

But, it was a big deal to him, it really was. He could lie to anyone else about that but not to himself. He hated that feeling more than anything else in the world, and to be rejected…rejected by Rina…it felt like a stake to the heart. Soon enough the poor God began to overthink more and more as seconds passed by, the papers on his desk collecting dust at this point.

Maybe he had misread her kindness as a sign that she had been harboring feelings for him, perhaps she were like that with everyone? That thought…oh boy did it make his blood boil. He knew Rina was a kind soul but, he had to be the only one Rina acted like this with, that gave him little offerings, that smiled at him so warmly, that spoke to him in such a kind and sincere way. Because in his somewhat

‘sick and twisted’ mind she was his and he was hers, and it would have the stay that way. Dare he saw her that close with anyone else and he’d lose his damn mind.

‘…my gods— I’m starting to think Aphrodite might have something against me with all this bullshit.’ Hades thought to himself, trying to provide reason for all these thoughts and feelings that plagued him. Trying to ignore them was pointless— he just couldn’t get that girl out of his head.

He had to be honest with himself…he wanted to go to that party with Rina, badly. He didn’t even want to go to the party if he were being honest. He just wanted to be with her, not doing any work, hell— they didn’t even have to be talking he just wanted to be next to her, holding her, looking into those gorgeous big brown eyes of hers and practically drowning in them. That’s all he wanted…he wanted her. And if he wanted her, then oh boy was he gonna have her.

Now Hades really wasn’t focused on his work. Perhaps he needed a break, or was that just an excuse to run into Rina?

‘Holy fuck I needs some coffee—‘

…☆…

All day Rina had been running back and forth from her chores and her usual tasks. She had been hyper-focusing on cleaning the kitchen since Pain and Panic decided they were ‘above doing dirty work.’ Gods- as much as she loved the two, the fact she had to work twice as hard because the other two were slacking off. She honestly couldn’t care less not though, she were far too tired to and cleaning wasn’t much of a big deal to her anyways, well…compared to the usual work she was given so she didn’t mind it all too much.

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been looking over at the doorway the entire time…waiting for a certain someone to make his entrance in the room. She knew he was probably busy but this had to be the area where the two ran into each other the most— at least when he hadn’t called upon her.

‘Whatever— need to get back to work anyways.’ She waved the thought away as she continued mopping, thinking mindlessly as she did. What was that girl thinking about? Was she even thinking at all? The thoughts began to start flooding to her again. They always did it’s like they were haunting her, taunting her with something she didn’t even think she deserved.

What even was it about him? That charm, the jokes he made that always had her giggling, his so honest behavior that she dearly appreciated. Why was she so stuck on Hades in the first place? The thought of him being near her made her legs feel like led, she couldn’t help but hate and love that feeling all at once.

Then she thought back to when he asked her to go to that party with her…why did she say no?

Rina was well aware that she lacked most basic social skills and were far too nervous to talk to people unfamiliar to her— especially the gods but, wouldn’t it be worth it to at least have a reason to be with him other than just sorting papers?

Seems this girl had jinxed herself quite a bit, because the very man she had been thinking of had just walked in.

She could already tell it was him thanks to the hollowness in the walls of his abode, you could practically hear a hair drop from a mile away.

“Hey, you’re…cleaning? Again? I swear I saw you mopping in here two days ago—“

Hades inquired.

“Oh, yeah- yeah I was. I’m just in here trying to tidy up a bit” Rina explained.

“Yeah, yeah, because mopping the entire kitchen floor is definitely just ‘tidying up’.” He said chuckling a bit at her explanation as he walked past her.

“Well I would like for it to stay as clean as possible.” She responded in a slightly agitated tone, usually if it were anyone else he would have something to say but the sound of Rina’s rather quieted voice saying it amused him to no end.

“You neat freaks I swear—“

“Hey! I can’t help that I like it clean! Besides it’s nice, and it keeps everything in an organized manner.” She said with a huff in her voice.

“Shall we take a look at your room?”

“We shall not—“

“Mhm, thought so.” Hades said smiling, rolling his eyes a bit at her amusing antics.

“Coffee, at this hour?” Rina asked pausing for a moment tilting her head, she seemed a bit tickled at this behavior, not that it was unusual per say but it was only half past 2 by this point.

“I need something to keep me awake, I shouldn’t have stayed up so late last night” Hades said as he started fixing himself some coffee.

“Heh— what time did you go to bed?” She inquired.

“Maybe 3-2am give or take.” Rina looked at him like he had committed several war crimes. She knew he was a god, and probably used to staying up so late but— to go to bed for two hours before getting up was an insane idea.

“How- why— how does one do that?” she said giggling a bit, not even because she thought it was necessarily funny but rather from the pure absurdity of it.

“No clue, I’m honestly surprised I didn’t pass out when I got up today.” Hades said turning to her as he let the water in the coffee pot heat up, Rina shook her head at his words continued with her cleaning.

He kinda loved these little moments, where the two of them didn’t have to be endlessly working— well they were supposed to be, or rather he was at least. But he liked talking to her, as much as she made his cold black heart feel like it was beating out of his chest, speaking with her calmed him, it was nice. The two of them were rarely ever serious, most of the time it was just playful back and forth bickering or just the two joking. Gods he loved it. He adored hearing the sound of her voice, the way their eyes met when he was talking to her, he just couldn’t get enough of it.

Then he began thinking back to his earlier thoughts, about that ‘date.’ Perhaps he hadn’t made it clear enough? Maybe he wasn’t forward enough or perhaps too much. Although a thought popped into his mind…Should he ask, again?

“Sooo— how was work so far? Boring as ever I assume?” Rina said, breaking the silence that had momentarily fallen over them. Hades quickly snapped himself out of his thoughts, although he still wondered if he should go through with it but, he needed a plan.

“Oh yeah, yeah. Boring…, y’know nothing gets me going like a good pile of paperwork.” Hades chuckled to himself before taking a sip out of his cup.

Rina only shook her head, giving a small chuckle before proceeding with her task, that silence returned yet again leaving Hades to return to that dreadful place, his office.

…☆…

“Okay boys…” Hades started, taking a pause as he paced back and forth in front of his desk. The two imps in front of him anxiously waiting for what he was about to say next. It had been almost a full 48 hours since Hades finally decided to stop lying to himself about the emotions he were experiencing, all the while He had been silently questioning himself whether or not he had been correct about Rina’s affections for him, or if he should even attempt to ask her out one last time before he finally accepted he was probably gonna be alone for the rest of his; sad, miserable, eternal life. Or at least that’s what he would’ve gotten from that.

Hades had managed to practically drag the two imps out of bed, they were both still half asleep by this point, but as a alert as they could possibly be with the confusion and all.

“Uhh— sir, it’s 3:50 almost…we usually don’t get started till 4 y’know—“ Pain finally begged to question, pausing to check if what he said would upset Hades or not, and we’ll…it didn’t seem to. There he was, still pacing back and forth deep in thought.

“Ya think he’s okay?” Panic whispered to Pain, almost nudging him a bit.

“Hell no—“ Pain whispered back before continuing.

“Look boss, what we’re askin’ is—“

Hades interrupted “I know, I know it’s early boys, but work with me here,” he said sighing a bit leaning back on his desk before continuing.

“I need to know— and since Rina doesn’t shy away when talking to you two idiots—“ He said the last bit in a quieted tone, trying his absolute hardest not to roll his eyes. “I gotta ask…does Rina like, y’know…how does she view me? What’s her view on me? Just out of plain curiosity.” Hades asked crossing his arms as he waited for the pair to respond. He usually wouldn’t shy away from asking a question outright but knowing that Pain and Panic had a tendency to spill out secrets that weren’t to be shared, he couldn’t…especially when Rina was the only other person there to be told anything of the sort, especially if it were about her.

Pain and Panic paused at the question, blinking for a bit and doing a double take…did he really just ask them that? He could’ve asked Rina that himself so why was he up so early worrying them over it?

“Uhm, I mean…she likes you of course.” Pain answered confused at his question,

“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious.” Panic followed up.

“No— I know she likes me, but…look—“ Hades let out an exasperated sigh

“We aren’t getting anywhere with this,” he said rubbing his forehead a bit, he already knew beating around the bush wouldn’t help, considering how balloon headed his two lackeys were. If he had to risk Rina finding out about his plan, so be it. He’d be asking the girl out later anyways.

“Rina’s not like…Secretly engaged or something, right?” Hades questioned further. Pain and Panic exchanged glances before looking back at Hades.

“T-that’s what all this is about?” Panic asked, looking a bit baffled. Did he really get them up at almost 4am just to ask if Rina had a crush on him, did he not understand that she obviously did?

Well the thing is he did know, it was painfully obvious she treated him far different than anyone else, and he knew it couldn’t have been out of plain fear, she was far too kind. The doubt in the back of his mind seemed to have crept in however, he had been thinking maybe…he read her actions as something else entirely.

He waited, in an almost anxious manner for the two imps to say something else.

“Can you just tell me if she actually likes me or not?! goddamn it—“ He further restated his question, more than a bit firm this time. She had to have told them about her feelings, if she really did like him like had assumed before…right? They just had to know right?

“…sir it’s incredibly obvious.” Panic finally responded

“Mhm, very.” Pain relayed

“You’re sure?”

Pain and Panic nodded exhaustedly

“Okay, but— you’re sure, you’re sure?”

“Yes!” The two of them exclaimed getting pretty irritated at Hades rather oddly nervous behavior…okay who the hell was this god and what happened to the real Hades?

“You feelin’ alright, boss?”

“Yeah, you seem a bit on edge..?” The two said exchanging worried glances before looking back at Hades again, who has right now about ready for formulate a plan to ask the woman he so dearly cherished out on a date.

“Oh please— I’m fine,” Hades said rolling his eyes as he smirked a little, finding the question rather random, although it was only warranted with how off he had been acting. Gods- he had been getting really desperate again. Who knew it would only take two days for his desperation to truly shine.

“Alrighty then, boys! Time for daddy to start courtin’!” Hades said rubbing his hands together before walking over to a chalk board, just left of the table. Oh gods.

‘Holy Hera-ing fuck- he has this planned to a T.’ Pain and Panic announced to themselves simultaneously. Figuring that he had everything planned out with this oddly new found confidence.

“Did he have too much ambrosia today?”

“He sure is acting like it—“ Pain responded, in a rather comically concerned manner.

The pair watched as their boss turned the chalk board around with it now facing them. Surprisingly it was blank, nothing was on there yet. At least he wasn’t up all night scribbling on the board over some date like a complete psychopath.

“See, the reason I called you in here is because—“ Hades paused, dragging out the last bit of the word with a wavering tone of uncertainty. So…he didn’t have it planned out, at all.

“I need your help…quite obviously I have not a clue what to do for a date, ya feel?”

“You want us to…come up with an idea?”

“Yes you dumbass- look, just throw me an idea, I’ll do what I can and guess who’ll be setting it up” Hades said in a sing-song voice, and with a faux toothy smile to go along with it.

“Us?” Pain and Panic said in unison

“You sure as hell will be— now c’mon boys…ideas? Hello, hello, hello—“ he restated trying to get the pair back in focus.

“I dunno— I mean…it’s Rina we’re talking about, she doesn’t really like uhh— stuff all over the place y’know?” Pain answered tilting his head.

“I know, that’s why I’m asking you two imbeciles.” Hades said with his patience slipping a bit more than it already was.

“Just— look, y’know what don’t give me a specific idea, just tell me what type of date you’d think she’d like to go on.” Hades said, basically further simplifying the question he had already asked the two.

‘This is exactly why I don’t ask for advice.’

“Uhm uh, well…Rina isn’t much of a tough customer,” Pain paused as Panic followed up

“Yeah! She’s more of a ‘sit down and have picnic.’ type girl than anything else.”

“Hmm I see…” Hades said nodding his head along a bit, trying to come up with a date idea, but he knew he needed plan of action to actually ask the girl out.

“How about a stroll out next to the Styx! That sounds fun!” Panic said enthusiastically, whilst attempting to keep Pain, who was barely even awake to begin with, up and at em’.

“Huh— oh yeah! So fun, whooo whooo… whooo…” Pain said in a tired voice before mentally and physically clocking the hell out, and using Panics shoulder as a pillow cushion.

“Fine, fine, whatever. I can make do with that…alrighty then boys, see you in…,” Hades paused again, looking like he was debating on something almost

“I’m feelin’ generous today, you have an hour before you two need to get haul assin’ so, take with that what you will.”

Hades said dismissing the two of them as Panic rushed out, dragging Pain along with him.

As soon as Pain and Panic had left the room Hades let out a sigh of relief.

‘Oh gods— how in Zeus’ name am I gonna ask her?’ Hades thought to himself, rubbing his left temple as he sat down on his desk behind him. He had to ask her out, he just had to. That and his feelings of uncertainty towards Rina’s feelings for him, had practically been eating away at his mind for the past 2 or so days now. God— he felt like such a creep doing this but he couldn’t be stopped he wanted Rina, and badly. He needed to know that she had in fact liked him back, and even though he knew Pain and Panic were far too stupid to lie to him about such, he couldn’t help but wonder,

Had she them fooled as well? What if they figured no better than him previously?

Only Rina’s answer to Hades’ big question would truly be the thing to tell.

…☆…

Now here he sat, waiting. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to see if his assumption on his darling assistants feelings were true, waiting for the perfect moment to finally ask her out.

Some hours had passed since he finally planned this entire thing out— although he didn’t plan too much, he knew he didn’t need to go all out with it, it was just a date not a wedding ceremony, it’s not like he was gonna propose…so there was no need to be so nervous over it right? Right. It was only ten past twelve, and Rina had been on her break time as of right now, as she had been doing paperwork up until then. Hades had dismissed her a while ago, as he couldn’t focus much with her right in front of him, he was never able to to begin with but, now more than ever it seemed.

He was getting antsy now, should he ask now? Was it too early? Wrong time, wrong place? It’s not like he had many other options other than this one break they had in the day, so he knew he had to go for it now, If not Hades figured he might as well forever hold his peace.

‘Fuck it— I’ll just ask her now.’

Hades quickly got up from his chair, and headed out of his office looking for Rina. He didn’t have time to debate over it now, sure he could wait, but he didn’t want to. If Hades wanted something he was going to have it no matter what. Even if that something was Rina, he’d have to have to at least try. Rina usually at this time would be in the kitchen, getting a snack after all the work she had done, or somewhere in the library, checking out some of the old scrolls in there just out of plain curiosity. He had figured the latter since she had left a while ago, so he headed off to the library although he was sure to pass by the kitchen, just in case she had actually been there.

Hades finally made his way there, opening the doors rather slowly, being sure not to alert her too much if she were really there. The library was big, but not too huge, it was mostly just a maze of bookshelves and scrolls that had been tucked away, and covered in dust. He knew Rina had always liked to sit in the very back, in one of the chairs, so he slowly inched his way over there before spotting her just beyond an empty top of a shelf, curled up in one of the chairs reading a book. He nearly froze up when he saw her. She hadn’t noticed him yet thankfully, she practically had her nose buried in the book she was reading. She looked so at peace however, it oddly almost warmed his cold and empty heart, it always did truly but, he wasn’t just here tp sit here and admire her, unfortunately. He had something to do.

“Knock, knock, knock~” Hades said in a sing-song-y voice again as he knocked on the side of the shelf ye had been standing behind momentarily.

Rina looked up, finally noticing the tall, dark, and fiery god that was her boss.

“Oh— hi, hello, sorry! I was reading.” Rina said closing her book up, chuckling to herself a bit.

“You’re all good babe, don’t worry. I uh…psh— I just came here to ask you something is all…” Hades said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, doing his best to calm himself down. Not like he were going to let himself freak out in front of her— oh gods no. The anxious, nervous behavior he had been so scared of exhibiting…he couldn’t have Rina notice that, just yet.

“Oh, really? What is it?” Rina asked tilting her head off the the side a bit as she sat there waiting, listening intently.

“…do you…I wanna like, hmm, I dunno— want a break?”

“I am on break…”

“That’s…that’s not what I meant,” Hades said laughing a bit awkwardly, as he looked down at the ground, refusing to meet Rina’s gaze.

“I mean do you wanna go…out?” Hades went a bit silent, the faint, light hearted smile still being shown on his face as his dark eyes finally meeting Rina’s warm chocolate ones, the look and his eyes held nothing but anticipation and anxiety.

“Can you…be more specific please?” Rina giggled a bit, unsure of what he meant…or perhaps she did know what he meant, or what it could mean rather. Did he really just ask her that? Had he? Or maybe she were misunderstanding

‘Maybe he meant something different?’

“I’m afraid I don’t quite follow, sir—“ Hades cut her off.

“You don’t— you don’t have to call me sir, please…Catarina…you know exactly what I mean.” Hades said, their eyes practically locking at this point, as if they were trying to read each other, like a book almost.

“…you mean us, go out? Like—“

“Yes, just you and me. No body else. Just us, that’s all I want.”

“You’re not like trying to—“

“Rina, I’m asking you out on a date, I’m not trying to do anything but be with you.”

‘Did I really just fucking say that?’

Hades internally cringed as he then noticed the silence that had fallen over them. Rina’s eyes went wide, well now she knew for certain that’s what he was asking, and it’s not like she couldn’t just not answer his question.

“Uhm— I-… I’m sorry,” hades let out a stifled chuckle “I’m sorry I didn’t—“

“I would love to go out with you” Rina said fully closing her book as she gave him a content smile.

“Excuse me?” Hades said confused, asking her to repeat again,

“I said, I would love to go on a date with you, is that not what you asked?” Rina said getting a bit cheeky now, almost teasing him a bit but she was far too slick with it for her own good.

“…” Hades went silent for a moment.

“Really?”

“Yes, I mean it”

‘Holy fuck that was easy, I didn’t even have to bribe her!”

“Well, okay then,” Hades started as he straightened out his robes.

“I’ll uh- I’ll have Pain and Panic come get you at six O’ clock— sharp. I’ll see you then, you can have the rest of the day off it ya want.” Hades said contently, as he turned away to leave, Rina watching in surprise as he did. Rina opened her book again before bending over and putting her head in her lap and in her book. She sat in a fetal position almost, doing her best to suppress the smile that almost spread across her features.

‘Did that just happened?’

Rina questioned to herself she almost couldn’t possibly believe it, no one had ever went out of their way to ask her out, especially not someone who she enjoyed the presence of so dearly. Perhaps she had finally gotten what she wanted…she had won.

…☆…

As the hours in the day passed, it finally hit six O’ clock. The anticipation was practically killing Rina from the inside out. She had been in the bathroom that both her and Hades shared, doing her best to look at least half or more presentable than she usually did, but nothing too fancy. It was just a date after all its not like he asked her to marry him or anything— then again it’s not like she’d be all too opposed to that idea either.

‘I wonder where we’re going?’ Rina thought to herself. ‘Damnit— I should’ve asked him that! Ugh— mm..it’ll be okay I guess, at least I’ll be spending time with him’ Rina thought, smiling to herself as she finally finished fixing up her hair, pulling down a small coily strand with her finger as she let it go and watched it bounce back up.

Soon enough she had left the bathroom. Where the hell were Pain and Panic? They were supposed to come and get her right about now. She quickly shrugged it off, figuring they were probably on their way anyways.

Rina continued walking a bit further away from the bathroom, not to anywhere in particular, she was more so just wandering about as she waited for the pair of imps to finally make their appearance. Oh boy soon enough, they sure as hell would.

As Rina continued on walking for a bit longer she felt a presence from behind her, was it Hades? She had noticed it before after she had left the bathroom, however she wasn’t expecting it to pop up right behind her, and sure as hell didn’t expect to go and snatch her up and blindfolded out of basically nowhere.

“Augh— hey! Lemme go!” She exclaimed as she struggled against the person who had been obstructing her view with a cloth.

“Whoa— calm down sister!”

“Yeah, quit— quit strugglin’!”

Rina almost deadpanned on the spot as soon as she heard those voices, gods— of course it had been them, none others Pain and Panic. How had she not figured that? Rina stopped her struggle as the Blue and Red imps finally finished tying her blindfold

“…so— mind telling me what the freakidy fuck is this about?” Rina said crossing her arms, which usually they’d take pretty seriously but now they honestly couldn’t be bothered to.

“The boss asked us to.” Pain stated like it was no big deal. Rina would’ve rolled her eyes at this but she didn’t bother to, as she thought it didn’t matter if they couldn’t see it.

“Okay, well, why am I being blindfolded? Where the hell are we even going to anyways?” Rina asked as she lifted a brow, confused you the situation, as pain and panicle began leading her somewhere.

“You’ll see in a bit…”

Pain and Panic said in unison, it was almost a bit uncanny, although she payed it no mind. It hadn’t mattered, and either way she was more concerned about where she we’re going, as well as hoping for Hades to be there waiting for her.

…

Soon enough Rina had finally arrived to said date location, she, to be frank had no clue where she was at. She had been blindfolded before she even arrived, and hadn’t been paying much attention to where they were headed. The half of it was a complete blur, and her excitement to actually be going on a date with the man of her dreams seemed to be overpowering her emotions of curiosity about wherever the hell she were at right now.

Pain and Panic finally let go of her hands before turning to finally leave. Rina overheard some of their chattering as they walked off, likely back to the cold, dark, and gloomy underworld.

“Ugh— they grow up so fast” one of them said from off in the distance, she couldn’t help but giggle a bit at their little comment. Rina started to take off her blindfold before another presence seem to pop up from behind her,

“Sorry ‘bout all that, babe. Hopefully they didn’t freak you out too much.” Hades said, startling her a bit as he began helping her take off the cloth from around her eyes.

Rina hadn’t said anything just yet, soon the blindfold was off and her eyes became adjusted to the scenery around her. She knew it, the air didn’t feel warm and dense like it did in the underworld, the breeze was cool and refreshing, and the wind flowing past the many trees that were surrounding the river in front of her, the sounds of the water rushing past the rocks in the river, all of it was music to her ears. He had taken her back home, back on earth.

Her eyes soon trailed down to the very lake she stood In front of, taking in the sight of it and the reflection of the red colored sun that was still sparkling in the ever deepening blue shy, the gorgeous evening scene and the colors Rina so enjoyed, it gave her peace.

“Thought I’d take you out of the underworld some time soon y’know, figured you’d gotten homesick.” Hades said as he lightly placed a hand on her shoulder, waiting for her to finally say something— although she did admittedly looked rather shocked as she gazed upon the beautiful scenery.

“This is— this is so…gorgeous,” Rina said softly still taking in the scene before she turned to look at him, giving him a warms smile. He took in the red and orange colors of the sun shining on her almond skin and deep brown eyes, holy hera she looked like a dream.

“Thank you so, so much for taking me here.”

“Not a problem babe— oh, and I’ve got one more thing I wanna show you,” Hades put out his hand, silently offering for her to take it. Rina hesitated for a moment, what could he possibly have to show her that could make this little date of theirs any better?

Rina gave him her hand, silently taking note of how much larger his hands were compared to hers, she had noticed a while ago— and gods, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t make her heart beat a least a little bit faster. Hades quickly look her hand in his, rather macro-scaled, palm. He began leading her over through the grove of trees, and further down the bubbling river. She kept her eyes on the water, watching as the copper suns light hit it, although she did glance back up at Hades a few times throughout.

“You see that light up top?” Hades said breaking the calming silence. Rina looked over at him a bit confused by what he meant, before she looked forward, a bit further over in the bunches of trees.

She hadn’t seen anything yet, no light other than the ever sinking sun in deepening darkness of the sky.

“I’m not seeing anything…I don’t get it, what light?”

Hades let out a breathy chuckle before replying,

“Mmm you’ll see em’ soon babe, you’ll love it just know it.”

As they continued, Rina spotted some light coming from up above in the trees, along with a boat along the shore of a small pond the river had lead up to. It wasn’t a large boat, but it was big enough for two, and it even had two seats with cushions on them, pretty fancy, in Rina’s book at least.

Rina stopped momentarily for a moment taking in the sight in front of her. The golden light from the trees now shining in the darkness of the night that had just begun, she started walking over the the small grove of trees around the pong, looking a little closer at the golden tree leaves. It wasn’t just the shining tree leaves however, it was clusters upon clusters of gleaming golden blossoms that resided there. Gosh— they almost looked like stars.

Hades looked at Rina’s starry eyed gaze as she looked at the scenery, finding it a bit endearing if he were being honest. He kept her hand in his, although her rather small one began to slip so he intertwined her pinkie in his. Gods— she was just so sweet he almost couldn’t handle it.

“These are beautiful…, what are they?”

Rina said, her gaze never breaking the golden glow of the starry flowers that had captivated her.

“I’m not too sure actually,” Hades started, letting out a slightly amused laugh at Rina’s fascination.

“They call em’ Star Lily’s or something, I believe, I thought you’d like em’.”

“I do— they’re lovely,” Rina said looking back at him momentarily, with a small smile on her face.

“Uhh, what’s that boat for? It’s not for us is it?”

“What— I thought it would be nice to just…I dunno- sit on the water and talk y’know. You don’t get sea sick or anything do ya’?”

“No, no—I’m not I just didn’t, I mean I did but uhm—“

“What? You wanted to take a dip in the pond?”Rina let out a small chuckle at his comment.

“No! I just, I mean I uhm…I didn’t expect it is all…,”

“Do you not wanna?” Hades raised a brow, asking genuinely a bit confused by all Rina’s worried rambling.

“No, I do! I do, I’m sorry—it’s just…I don’t wanna fall in.” Rina said chuckling, covering up her face a bit from the embarrassment, but there was nothing she said that was really embarrassing. Perhaps she said if wrong?

“Sorry— I’ve…I’ve never been on a date before I don’t know how to—“

“You’re just fine, babe. Just relax, and take a load off. Just be happy we aren’t out here doing paperwork” Hades said laughing as he walked over to the boat with Rina, as she took a slightly tighter grip of his hand.

“You wanna get in first?”

“Hm? Oh sure uhm…how do I get in without it y’know…tipping over?” Rina said holding her free hand up to her chest as she looked over the boat. Hades shook his head at this with a smile as he kept her hand in his and help it up, guiding her into the boat.

“There you go m’lady.” He said chuckling a bit as she finally stepped in and sat down.

“Don’t call me that,” Rina said deadpanning a bit almost, despite the small grin spreading on her face.

“uhm…well..now what?”

“Hmm…uhh— we’ll see, just— give me a sec to figure this out, will ya’.” Hades finally let go of her hand as he stood up, and put a finger up to his chin. Thinking about how the hell he was actually gonna get this boat into the water, along with himself.

…

About 15 minutes later of Hades completely embarrassing himself and almost falling in the water— at last they were both finally in the boat.

Hades let out a rather loud sigh as she finally relaxed in his seat, leaning forward a bit closer to Rina.

“Goddamn—“ Hades said relived, just before turning to look at Rina who was doing her very best not to giggle.

“Oh c’mon, babe— don’t laugh at me now,”

“I’m not, I’m not, it’s just—“ Rina finally let out a laugh, giggling as she put her head down to her knees as she did.

“You almost fell in—“

“Oh you are just too tickled about that, aren’t you?” He lifted a brow, laughing along with her.

“So…,” Rina finally stifled her laughter before she continued,

“Now that we’re in this boat…now what?”

“Mmm, I’m not sure…”

Hades paused a moment, the both of them locking eyes once more. This moment felt like magic, the golden glow of the flowers reflecting in her warm eyes as they continued to drift down the pond and into the river. Rina eyes however kept trailing down towards Hades lips, but only for a second.

‘Are we about to kiss?’ Rina thought to herself as she looked back up at him.

“You have really pretty eyes…” Hades said smiling to himself.

“Huh-“

“They look they have stars in them,”

Hades went silent for a moment as he internally cringed once again.

‘Ew— did I just fucking say that?’

Rina smiled as she put a hand over her lips trying to hide it as she giggled a bit again.

“Um, thank you…I uh…I’m- I’m not sure what to say” Rina said with a huff while snickering a bit to herself.

“Yeah, I’m sorry—“ Rina swiftly cut him off.

“No, no, don’t apologize I appreciate it. Uhm…, I think you look handsome today…” Rina said with hesitations she looked away from him and down at the Running water just below them in embarrassment.

“Thanks, babe,” he paused before continuing on,

“So…your day so far?”

“Oh it was good, I uhm…I read.” Rina replied, her eyes fluttering up at him for a second before returning to focus of the water.

“Ohhh, she reads okay then. What have you been reading in the library anyways?”

“Uhm..books”

Hades practically bursted out with laughter at her rather vague response.

“What’s so funny?” Rina ask furrowing her brows a bit, seemingly offended and confused by his abrupt laughing

“None— nothing, babe. You’re just being a little silly is all.” He said in an amused huff.

“It’s not my fault! I dunno how dates work— I don’t even know why you asked me out of all people isn’t this supposed to be like romantic or something?…” Rina asked a bit frustrated and confused.

“Is it not romantic out here?”

“It is! I just dunno why you would ask me…?”

“Why not?” Hades asked chuckling, simultaneously getting on Rina’s nerves while he was at it.

“You’re not helping.” She crossed her arms as she sat back a bit in the boat away from him.

“Okay fine, fine,” He let out a sigh before he followed up,

“I mean what’s so bad about asking my assistant out on a date?”

“…do you want me to answer that?” Rina lifted a brow.

“No— look I- I dunno, if I could tell you I would but I just…look, I like ya’ enough to take ya’ out, or somewhere where we aren’t just doing paperwork.”

“…” Rina unfolded her arms, seemingly no longer upset, or not as upset as she was before.

“I could ask you the same y’know,”

“Hm?”

“Why you said yes?”

“I dunno…I mean a date with you doesn’t sound that bad…and I like being with you.”

Hades’ smile grew a bit whisper at her words.

“See you get it. I uh…sorry ‘bout all that—“

“It’s my fault I’m sorry, but let’s just enjoy our time here while we have it.” Rina said smiling as she took his hands in hers. Gosh— now that practically just warmed his heart, it damn near made him jolt, to say the least he hadn’t expected that.

‘Is she trying to make a move on me or…?’

Hades took in her hands, pulling her a bit closer to him.

“So…what do you wanna talk about?”

“Rina,” Hades announced sternly, making sure his eyes made contact with hers. She was giving him that look again, god how he loved her oh so dearly.

“What? I don’t know what to talk about…,”

“Y’know what people do when they have nothing to talk about on a date?

“What?”

Hades pulled her a bit closer, his hands now resting around her waist. Her nose and lips practically touching his, if they weren’t already that is, and before Rina was even able to realize what he was about to do, he leaned forward, with their lips finally meeting, much to Rina’s surprise.

She returned the kiss before they soon parted a moment afterward. Too bad heaven only lasted about 5 seconds, and Rina had been in complete surprise for at least half of them.

“Woah…”

Rina said before looking up at him again a small smile plastered on her face, more than ready to lean in for another kiss.

🍬Hi!! Thanks a lot for reading my story!! :3🍬hope you like it, I worked really hard on it!! :3. If you have any criticisms please let me know how I can improve my writing!! But other that I hope you enjoyed!!

Divs by @.Brokenhearted

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yandereloveraw · 11 months ago

Text

A huge thank you to @zephyrus77 for encouraging me to write this. ♡

Warning for angst. [There is a happy ending, I promise.] I use masculine pronouns for both Sun and Moon.

This one-shot was inspired by Why Don't You Love Me by Hot Chelle Rae.

"We have flowers in our chest cavity," Moon stated, expression serious.

There was a fair amount of animatronics in the Fazbear pizza plex, but none whose company I enjoyed more than the Daycare Attendant's. Sun's energy was a bit much for me at first, but he and I bonded over our shared love of art. Thanks to him, I was slowly starting to come out of my shell. When he would joke with me, I would laugh. It was nice. He made me feel nice.

Today, I was seated on the floor in front of one of the daycare's small tables. I was too tall for the chairs, sadly. A small group of children had joined me for drawing. Each had a piece of paper while a shared box of colored pencils was pushed around to whoever needed it. My heart swelled whenever a child would proudly show me a colored portion on thier paper.

"How's everyone's art coming along?," Sun's chipper voice inquired. I had not seen him move over to our table.

"Great! Does someone have a yellow I could borrow?"

A small hand held out the bright colored pencil to me, which I took thankfully. I curiously glanced down at the gifter's paper, revealing a brightly colored sun with some flowers. Aw. Just as I was about to compliment the child's drawing, Sun spoke again.

"What are you drawing, Ally?"

His question had caught me off guard. I shifted slightly in embarrassment. "Um..I'm drawing you.."

That piqued his interest. The sunny attendant carefully made his way around the table to where I was sitting. When he glanced down at my paper, he was greeted with the sight of a slightly colored in colored pencil sketch of himself. Embarrassed now that I had an audience, I colored the rays, bells, arms, pant stripes and midsection of the paper Sun in. I also added shading to these parts.

The real Sun silently watched as I added suns and pink flowers of varying sizes to the background of my drawing. After doing that, I used a black pencil to write my signature next to Sun's left shoe. With the drawing now complete, I watched as the children around me continued to color. The daycare attendant's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin.

"Can I keep it? Your drawing, I mean. It's really good!"

I could never say no to someone who was this cute. Picking up my drawing, I held it above my head for Sun to take it. "Sure."

Metallic fingers gently brushed mine as he took the paper from me. I grabbed another piece of blank paper from the pile on the table. If I was to draw Moon, I would need a lot of blue.

-----------------Timeskip------------------------

The daycare had not opened yet, so Sun and I sat once again at the art table, if you could call it that. I was simply doodling mindlessly until I glanced at Sun, who had his hands cupped under his faceplate and his elbows on the table. I scrambled to flip my piece of paper over.

"Sunny, please hold that pose for a few seconds!"

The animatronic froze as if on command, which allowed me to quickly sketch his pose onto the paper. Not wanting to leave him like that for too long, I lightly traced his faceplate, rays, ribbons and bells onto my drawing. The table was added last.

"Okay. You can move now. Thank you, Sunny."

When I felt something cold brush my left hand, I pulled away from whatever it was. Since Sun had a cute lovestruck expression in the drawing, I sketched hearts in his eyes and next to his head. 'I wonder what he was thinking about,' I thought. The animatronic and I sat in silence until the daycare opened. Kids rushed to greet Sunny while I continued to doodle.

"We have flowers in our chest cavity," Moon stated, expression serious. Flowers? How did flowers get into their system? I couldn't think of any way that could happen other than-

I gifted the majority of the art I made that day to Sun, who was extremely happy to receive it. The following day, however, Sun seemed slightly less energetic than normal. I chocked it up to him probably needing to charge later. I admired how hard he worked.

"Hey, Sunny? Can you let Moon know that this is for him?" The paper I passed him contained my drawing of his counterpart. When Sun took it, his smile somehow seemed strained. He was probably more low on battery than I thought. I had my fingers crossed that he wouldn't crash that entire day.

The thought that Moon wouldn't let that happen comforted me. 'Hopefully he'll feel better and more like himself tomorrow,' I thought.

------------------Next day------------------------

I was wrong. Sun didn't greet me when I came in today. He was in the daycare, but it felt like he was making a conscious effort to avoid me. His strange behavior made me sad and confused. I figured that if he wouldn't talk to me, maybe Moon would.

I had to wait until nap time for Moon to make his appearance. When he did, I sat down next to him where he was observing the children.

"Moony, is Sun ok? He won't talk to me..."

I spoke quietly as to not wake up the sleeping kids. The slight turn of the attendant's faceplate told me he had heard me. Moon hummed.

"Have you gathered that he may have a reason for that?"

His question made me pause. "What do you mean?"

"Can I see?"

Moon quirked a nonexistent brow before opening the panel on his midsection. I was greeted with the sight of a pastel purple and green bundle. Thin vines had snaked themselves around vibrant wires. Small buds clung to the vines. Nearly all of their chest cavity was filled with purple petals.

"Sun really likes you, yknow. He's the reason we're like this. You like him back, don't you? You should tell him that."

I could only nod in response. Self-loathing washed over me. I should have noticed sooner. The signs were there, and I ignored them. Sun must be hurting so bad. I felt tears gather in my eyes at the thought. The sound of all the lights in the pizza plex turning back on was deafening in the silence.

When I lifted my head, I was met with Sun's brightly painted face. He jolted at how close I was to him.

"Ah, Sunshine! It's good that you're here! I sure could use your help cleaning up!" He paused at my teary-eyed expression. "Sunshine..? What's wrong?"

The daycare attendant froze as my lips met the teeth on his faceplate. My tears trailed freely down my cheeks. I stayed that way for about a few minutes before pulling away.

"I'm so sorry. I love you too, Sunny." My voice was barely above a whisper, but I could tell that Sun had heard it. His expression slowly softened. A metallic hand rose to wipe my tears.

"Oh, Sunshine. I've waited so long to hear you say that."

Sun could hear as well as feel Moon doing a victory dance in their shared mind as he pulled me into another tender kiss.

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sennamybeloved · 2 years ago

Note

KISS PROMPT FORRRRRRRRRRRR MARLENE

WEEEEEEE ITS OUR 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!!!!! <3333 i got 31 - while laughing :)

tag list: @caracello @minkymeatshop @connor-roys + winter 👹

all reblogs are appreciated !

Bluejay’s hands are so jittery- she can’t even open the little wooden box that she cradles in her fingers, the little wooden box that's been stowed beside her bed for weeks now. She's been watching it collect dust as she impatiently awaits the day- this day- when she will finally pass it off to its rightful owner.

When she does get it open, pushing up the metal latch and forcing the stiff hinges open, she feels relief when her gaze lands on the present that resides within; a necklace, with a glittering silver chain and a charm in the shape of a star. It’s very simple, but it's also very beautiful.

Trembling fingers graze the metallic surface of the charm. She wants to hold it, to observe it more closely, one last time before it is no longer hers, but she lacks the motor control needed to do so.

She surrenders to her own anxiety, closing the box and stuffing it back into the pocket of her sweatpants. She then reaches her other hand into her other pocket, feeling around for the two follow-up gifts. She touches a crystal (clear quartz, smooth and cold against her fingertips) and a perfume roller that is scented like patchouli and frankincense.

She has everything. She just needs to get home now.

Rain beats down on her back as she trudges along their neighborhood’s sidewalk. Rainwater soaks through her worn Converse—a pair of shoes she would not have worn today if she had known of the impending downpour. Her jacket wasn’t designed to withstand these kinds of conditions, so water begins to seep through it, soaking her clothes. She’s shivering, teeth chattering as she stuffs her hands deeper into her pockets, trying to stay warm despite herself.

Just ahead, through the misty haze, she sees their house. She breaks into a light jog, kicking up water as she rushes up to their front door. After fumbling with their lock for a moment too long, she bursts inside, stumbling out of the frigid rain and into the comfort of her own home. The relief is near instantaneous; the heat both warms her and dries her, and the absence of puddles sloshing and thunder cracking in her ears is more than welcome.

Re-composing herself, Bluejay calls out to her girlfriend. “Marlene?”

While awaiting a response, she strips off her coat, her hat, her shoes. She rings out the end of her shirt and smoothes out the creases in her pants. Fingers comb through damp hair, attempting to set it back into place. She needs to look good for this- it is their anniversary, after all.

Soon, Bluejay hears footsteps thumping down the stairs. Stumbling hurriedly out of the mudroom, she spots Marlene emerging from the stairwell. She’s still wearing her nightclothes- old sweatpants and a tattered tank top. Her loose curls are pulled back into a bun, yet a few stray ones fall into her face. She looks just as beautiful as she always does. Bluejay feels her mouth growing dry and her nerves going wrought, as if she’s speaking to a fleeting crush and not the girl she’s loved and adored for two whole years now.

“Hey,” Marlene greets, offering Bluejay a kind half-smile. “You look damp.”

Bluejay takes a moment to search Marlene’s face for a hint of recognition; a glint in her eye that hints at her having something fun planned for their special day, or perhaps something to suggest that she at least remembers it. But no, she looks to be herself, plainly.

She forgot their anniversary last year too.

“Uhuh,” Bluejay huffs, attempting to shake the water off her arms. “That's very observant of you, honey.”

Marlene chuckles a little. “Thanks. Want me to get you a towel?”

“Yes please.” Bluejay laughs. Maybe then, she can sit down on the couch, rest her legs, turn off her brain for a minute… before she has to give Marlene her gifts.

So, as Marlene walks off to fetch her a towel, Bluejay makes her way over to the couch. It’s an old, tattered thing, yet it is still very comfortable even after years and years of weathering. She doesn’t care much for its appearance, so she has no qualms with plopping her damp body right on top of it.

She takes this brief moment of solitude to check her pockets again. Wooden box with the necklace still inside, crystal, perfume roller. She sighs, long and heavy—why is she so nervous?

She picks her head up when Marlene comes back into view, carrying a freshly washed towel- she tosses it to Bluejay, who is delighted to find that it is still warm from the wash. She dries her face, her hands and arms, her hair. Her clothes are still very, very wet, but this feels a whole lot better.

“Where even were you?” Marlene asks as she sits down on the couch beside Bluejay. “I mean, what compelled you to take a walk during a storm?”

Huh. What a perfect segway.

“I like just the rain,” Bluejay begins with a little chuckle. “But nah, I, uh- I was buying some things. Two things, actually… and, uhm. They’re for you.”

The delivery is far from perfect, but that’s okay. She watches Marlene’s eyes go wide with intrigue at the prospect

“Oh?” She tips head to the sides, loose curls falling over her face. “What do you mean?”

Bluejay opens her mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. She only manages to stutter incomprehensibly for a moment or two. She halts herself, biting her tongue as she draws in a harsh breath. “I, uhm… okay.” She laughs anxiously. “Trying this again. Ahem.”

She reaches out, taking one of Marlene’s hand in two of her own. Her anxiety is climbing, doubts roaring in the back of her mind, threatening to come surface. Is she positive that it is the 16th? Yes, yes she is. She double- no, triple-checked. Once this morning, twice at the store. She just needs to go for it.

“It is our two year anniversary today,” she states, unable to keep herself from smiling. “Two years ago today, I bit the bullet and asked you to be my girlfriend. You said yes, obviously, and here we are. Two whole years later.”

There it is, that look of recognition. Surprise morphs into satisfaction which quickly distorts into fear. Bluejay isn’t upset that Marlene forget; she makes up for it by being wonderful every other day of the year. Besides, Bluejay let her forget last year, because she didn’t have anything planned.

But things are different this year. She has something planned, and it's going to be great.

"Bluejay..." Marlene breathes, speaking in a tone that is partly fond and partly said. That look on her face—so gentle and so genuine—melts Bluejay's heart. She smiles at her and keeps on talking.

"And to celebrate our anniversary, I got you some gifts. Just some little things, don't sweat it too much. Uhm..." she reaches into her pocket for the thousandth time, pulling out that fated wooden box. She hands it off to Marlene in a manner that is almost urgent, one that says get this away from me, whereas Marlene takes it in her own hands so carefully, cradling it as if it is something precious.

With fingers that are stronger and steadier than Bluejay's have ever been, she opens the box. Her eyes light up like fireworks when she sees what resides within.

"Oh wow," she laughs warmly as she picks up the necklace, taking a moment to inspect it carefully. Bluejay's nerves melt away when she sees how happy Marlene looks- she sort of knew the necklace would be a hit. Stars are one of Bluejay's things, and silver (especially silver jewelry) is totally a Marlene thing. It's the perfect anniversary gift.

"Bluejay, I love it..." Marlene tells her, and Bluejay chuckles bashfully.

"I'm really glad you do," she says. She wrings her hands in a manner that is both excited and anxious. "Put it on! It's gonna look great on you."

Marlene was already halfway there, pushing away stray curls as she fastens the silver pendant around her neck. It sits so perfectly on her chest, accenting her strong up body in the way necklaces always do. Bluejay feels a warmth creeping across her face and a grin pulling at her mouth.

"Yeah, you're beautiful," She says, and Marlene smiles back at her, averting her eyes coyly.

She shuffles through her other pocket, fumbling with the two smaller gifts for a moment before revealing them unceremoniously. "A crystal. Clear quartz. Since, uhm... you showed some interest in my crystals. And a perfume roller, patchouli and frankincense." She dumps them into Marlene's hands, and with that, the most nerve-wracking part is done. She looks up at Marlene's face, who looks surprised but also happy; her smile is unwavering as she inspects both of the trinkets.

"Thank you." She says, and Bluejay can tell that it is genuine. "You're so sweet, I... you didn't have to do all this, you know."

Bluejay nods. "I know..." She places a reassuring hand on Marlene's leg. "But I wanted to. Because you deserve it, babe."

Marlene opens her mouth to speak, but all she can manage is yet another little chuckle. She's flustered and taken aback, that much is clear, but as long as she is happy...

"I just want you to know that I care about you," Bluejay rambles on. "And that I am just as grateful to have you now as I was back then."

"Thank you, Blue." Marlene says again, slightly more sober this time. Bluejay's anxiety is reflected on her face as her once happy expression mellows out into one that is slightly more somber. She wears a faint, nervous smile on her lips as she confesses to Bluejay which she already knows, "This is lovely, really. I'm grateful. I just... I forgot it was our anniversary."

Bluejay can't help but laugh. "I know you did. I don't care, seriously. You're fine."

Marlene is silent for a moment. Then, perhaps only because Bluejay is laughing, she begins laughing, too.

They're both laughing now. At what, they aren't exactly sure, but Bluejay feels a lot less nervous and she hopes that Marlene feels a lot less guilty.

Bluejay nuzzles her face into Marlene's shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist in a sideways half-hug. She leaves kisses her on her shoulder, her jawline, her cheek. Marlene brings a hand up to cradle Bluejay's face as she kisses her. A messy, open-mouthed kiss that is all teeth and laughter.

They fall into each other's arms like it is second nature to them, embracing each other warmly and surely. Bluejay's head resumes its place atop Marlene's shoulder. She sighs a long, tired sigh of relief as she snuggles up to her. This couldn't have gone better.

The pair exist in comfortable silence for a moment, but only for a moment. "Why didn't you remind me last year?" Marlene asks.

"Because I didn't have anything planned," Bluejay scoffs. "I felt bad."

Marlene sighs, rolling her eyes. "Oh my god..."

Bluejay giggles, hugging her just a little tighter. "Sorry. Maybe I can like... help you set a reminder for next year."

Marlene's fingers trace the edges of Bluejay's shoulder blades, her head turning so that she can press her face into her tangled black hair. "Yeah. I'll get you back for this next year. Count on it."

#* 💡 / she’s the only girl that i wanna love .#lotus writes #lotus answers #self ship community #self shipping #self ship fanfic #self insert x canon #oc x canon #f/o community #self insert community #lesbian self ship #self ship fanfiction

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lovelettersfromkiki · 2 years ago

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quick question for y'all, since i'm almost 30 and that makes me a dinosaur i guess-- what's the best website to use for uploading fanfiction? context being, some darker, bloodier, and borderline graphic fanfiction. where would i want that to go?

#self ship #selfship #self ship fanfic #selfship fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #selfship fanfiction #fanfiction advice #c'mon yall #throw me a bone #' v '

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thelakeofnimue · 1 year ago

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Alte Liebe Rostet Nicht (AO3 Fic) - Complete

Fandom: Ensemble Stars Characters: Sena Izumi , Original Characters, Original Female Character(s), Orriginal Male Character(s), Original Non-Human Character(s), Sena Izumi's Mother (Ensemble Stars!), Sakuma Ritsu, Tsukinaga Leo, Narukami Arashi, Suou Tsukasa, Sakasaki Natsume, Harukawa Sora, Kagehira Mika Pairing: Sena Izumi/Original Characters Language: English (with bits of German) Words: 81,971

If you enjoy my work, I would appreciate a reblog so it can get out there!

The only long fic I 100%ed so far. I want to promote it a little more. Apologies if it gets annoying, I really want to get it out there is all.

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pkselfship · 2 years ago

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CHAPTER 19 OF THE MOON AND POLARIS IS UP LETS GOOOOOOOO

#self ship fanfic #self ship #purple flame #the rising star #the moon and polaris #my content

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rabbit-bf · 3 months ago

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Safety, Baby

Ship: Evan Myers/Casper Koval (OC)

TW: Descriptions of violence, blood, minor gore, mentions of violence and self injury

A/N: This took me seven hundred years, so despite it being self ship fic, it is going in the main tags. Cry abt it I guess idfk.

Casper, unbeknownst to anyone else, had been targeted by the rake. Most nights it snuck into his room, he’d been able to handle it, but this time it hit him at a less than preferable time. He doesn’t take calling for help lightly.

Things were difficult in the world of the Hybrid boys, and anyone else who happened to be in their vicinity. Between grieving loved ones one after the other, attempting to protect those they had left, and documenting it all properly, the trio hadn’t exactly had time to prepare for dangers they were facing. They wouldn’t have even known what to prepare for if they had a heads up. What does someone do to protect themselves from not just one, but three, supernatural beings invading every aspect of your life.

Every plan they could conjure up would be torn to shreds by the claws of whatever they were dealing with that week. Every attempt to stop the enemy was like climbing over a wall only you be met with a taller wall on the other side. It seemed as though their situation was quite possibly inescapable, the incidents were only growing closer in frequency every day, but they weren’t going to give up. They’d made it this far, it would be a waste to give in to the evil now.

The most recent string of incidents came from the Koval house. A familiar silhouette had been sneaking into the house, and ripping the flesh of those in the house who understood the least. Neither of the siblings talked about it to each other, nor to anyone else. For Casper, not much has changed, his own personal habits had him wearing long sleeves and jeans at all times anyway. For Alex, though, it was an obvious new choice of wardrobe, everyone just assumed it was exploration of fashion.

The house had an awkward air all together. It had been this way since their parents had passed. It was cold, eerily quiet even when music played, something was just not quite right. The inclusion of a secret that nobody knew they were all hiding only made this feeling worse. The nightly dread when everyone went to their rooms, alone, was so heavy you could collect it in a jar. The younger two left to deal with the demons of the physical form, and the eldest alone long enough for his demons of the mental to catch up with him.

Casper had spent the day with friends, picking up some things at the mall, and then going back to someone else’s place so they could dye their hair together. All and all it was a nice day, yet the entire time he felt this looming pain fall over him, this presence that told him that tonight would be utterly miserable. He couldn’t tell you why. The closer it got to the Jeff-Assigned curfew, the more he felt his stomach flip. Something was going to happen; What, who, or when, was unknown to him but he knew it would affect him.

The door was unlocked when he arrived, a good sign that his brothers were there and well. A part of him always had a deep worry that one day he’d come home to find the two strung up in trash bags or in pieces scattered across the lawn. Luckily this thought was alway quelled when he heard Death Cab For Cutie from an upstairs bedroom and playful yells to online friends from the basement. If it wasn’t the noise from the brothers, it was the unmistakable scent of weed and smoke. If either of them were home, there was likely something lit up. They never talked about this either. Whatever gets them through the day, that was their excuse at least.

Casper headed up the stairs, not bothering to kick his shoes off by the door, despite the voice of his late mother nagging him in his head. Passing Jeff’s room, he heard the hard clacks of him skipping songs with the trackpad on the families old Dell laptop. It was always loud, but the older it gets the more mechanical it sounded. Jeff skipped half that album nearly every time he put it in the disk drive. His brothers never understood why exactly he kept it if it was only for a few songs, which he could easily just download off some website. They didn’t dwell on it too much.

Upon reaching his room at the end of the hall, he hit the mattress face first. He wouldn’t close the door on a normal night, for fear of a need for quick access to his brothers, but tonight he just couldn’t be bothered. The bag he’d been lugging around all day hit the floor in the three steps it took to get from the doorway to the bed. No care for his wallet or camera or phone, nor the bottle of soda or the fun new stuff he’d gotten at the mall, he was far too tired to go through it all. He was wiped, the day had entirely drained him of any ounce of energy that he may have had. His friends were lovely, but they were surely not going to be the ones to remind him that his body couldn’t take what theirs could.

Casper just laid there a moment. Shallow breaths, face down against the crumpled flannel sheets that probably needed a wash, cell phone still on silent from the shopping trip. It was a single second of, mostly, peace and quiet. The ambience of his brothers faded into the far away background, his ears preferring to focus on the lack of sound itself. Not much but the buzz of the ceiling fan spinning above. He knew he’d need to properly situate himself before he could sleep. He knew he’d need to shower, and change, and get the things from his bag, and he should probably check his phone and- Wait. What was that?

He popped his head up, eyes filling half of his face. That sound was unmistakable, even through the acoustic guitar on the shitty speakers in Jeff’s room. It was none other than the skittering of claws against the bare floor and cheap wood of Alex’s closet. The slow, stuttering, of the sliding door as it got stuck on the picked at carpeting below. The creature always struggled to smoothly push it open, and still hadn’t seemed to figure out how regular doors knobs worked. The thing was smart, smarter than any animal, and yet so much less intelligent than a human. Its lack of smarts was much a blessing when it decided to sneak into the house like this.

Eventually, Casper broke from the fawn he fell into, scrambling to reach his door and slam it before the thing could get any closer. His heart rattled in his chest as anxiety burrowed into every corner of his body. He peeled his back from the door, slinking back to the bed, and snagging the strap of his bag on the way. Sitting on the very edge of the mattress, feet still touching the floor, he rummaged through the new bracelets and nail polish to find his phone and the pocket knife he’d gotten from his boyfriend, Evan.

For a moment he thought about calling Evan. He was already in pain from the amount of walking around he did at the mall, and wasn’t sure he’d be able to fight off the thing like he had in the many nights prior. He didn’t want to wake him or bother him, though. The work he’d been doing recently was constant, between the stress of whatever he was doing with the YouTube channel, and doing well at his day job, every bit of rest and alone was appreciated. Casper wasn’t going to interrupt him for something that by now was nothing but routine. He just slipped the outdated blackberry in his pocket, just in case.

The waiting period was grueling, it never wasn’t. Barely hearing the creature panting and prodding about amongst the ambience of the house. Not being able to make himself do anything besides sit and listen and wait until it decided what it was going to do. Some nights it would simply leave, staying in Alex’s room and never emerging. Other times, it would make sure Casper never even realized it was there, pacing the hallway until he needed to leave the room. What would tonight be?

Eventually the sound died down, the usual traces of the monster no longer able to be heard. It took him longer than normal to get up and inch the door back open, minutes after he heard its last huff. Despite the quiet, he still felt a looming sense of dread as he peaked into the hall. Shaking hands barely able to hold onto the quickly warming metal of the handle.

Before Cas could even blink, a blur of white and bone rushed towards him.

The thing had pounced, throwing his back against the wood floor, his already weak bones creaking. He was pinned to the ground by the monster, its back legs thrown on top of Casper’s thighs, one paw on his chest and the other already digging its claws into the closest piece of meat it could achieve; his arm. He didn’t scream, he didn’t make any more noise than what had already been made, the last thing he wanted to do was alert his brothers and put them in danger, too.

He poked around his brain for what Evan had taught him about protecting himself. With how much it was drilled into his head, how many hours the two spent making sure this was something he could successfully pull off, you’d think he would know just what to do. When you get into a life or death situation, it doesn’t matter how much planning you’ve done, sometimes it simply escapes you. He usually had more leverage, more room to fight. This was the first time he’d ever been truly pinned like this, the first time he’d been kicked when he was already down, the first time this thing had such a strong upper hand.

The spike of adrenaline kept him from feeling the deep tears being created all down his left arm. It only had four fingers on each hand, but it did so much damage you’d think it had double that. He took in a breath so sharp it almost made him cough, his body still adjusting from the blow to his back. The creatures attempt at making sure he couldn’t leave with an anchor of claws was working, Casper barely able to move his upper body the way it had positioned itself. Unable to move away from the warm, strangled, breathing directly in his face.

Luckily, his legs had been left a bit too free. Doubly lucky, he knew exactly how to take advantage of such a large opening. Evan was a good teacher, after all. He broke the contact it had on his legs, kneeing the thing directly in the stomach- at least where the stomach should be. It hissed, tightening its grasp on his arm, nails deepening in the already severe wounds in Casper’s fragile skin. He tried to ignore the searing of the cuts, and kicked the creatures back legs out from under it, giving him some time to roll out from underneath.

It scrambled to its feet again, standing more like a human than the canine it seemed to be. Casper’s blood smudged into the carpet from its right hand while it regained balance. It breathed heavily, angrily, frustrated, more wheezes than full breaths. They stared at each other for a moment before Cas jumped for his knife, slipping it off of its place on the bed and flicking it open in one motion. The sound of the blade clicking into place was enough to startle the entity. The bleeding man quickly got closer, threatening to stain its perfect white skin.

It backed up through the doorway, movements as uncanny as always. Almost human if you were to look at it wrong, like something attempting to appear as human. Cas didn’t leave his room, not wanting to get blood on the carpeting in the hall, instead he leaned out the door just enough to scare the creature right back where it had come in from. The gleam of the shiny, never used, pocket knife against the yellowed hall light looked like a shot out of a film.

When he finally saw the thing retreat into Alex’s closet, he broke down. Letting himself fall to his knees, half in the hallway, half in his own room. His chin hit his chest, tears pricking his eyes, he didn’t have the energy or motivation to try and stop them from pooling over. He was so weak, as if he wasn’t before a monster tackled him. His arms trembled as he raised his hands to wipe his cheeks. It was a blessing he didn’t have to use the knife, he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to break skin with the strength he had at the moment. He almost forgot about the severe cuts on his arm until he felt the blood rushing down towards his elbow now that his arm was upright.

“Shit-“ He tried to be as quiet as possible, slapping a hand over the lowest cut like an instinct. He threw himself onto his knees, ignoring his usual routine and kicking the door shut behind him. There was no risking Alex or Jeff seeing this, it would start an ordeal that couldn’t be closed once it was open. He’d rather them see the creature itself at this rate, rather than see that it had hurt him. Casper knew this wasn’t something he could deal with by himself, though. He couldn’t dress wounds if he could barely stand. He bit the bullet and pulled his phone from his pocket, bloody fingers putting in his boyfriend’s number as quickly as his achy joints allowed.

It rang only twice before Evan picked up. He must not have been asleep as Cas presumed. Guilt still creeped up his neck at how quickly he answered, he really didn’t want to alarm him. “Hey, darlin’ what’s going on?” He opened cheerfully, seeming happy to speak with him. Cas recognized the sounds of a Halo match in the background, party full of guys laughing as they killed Evan over and over while he took the call. He considered lying, saying he just wanted to check up on him, but he forced himself to spill before he could change his mind.

“Uh- funny story. So you know how I went out with friends? When I got home I was really tired- uh, something happened. I need help with something.” Casper made an attempt at not sounding in pain even through his breathy, forced, speech. He knew Evan, he knew he’d break laws to get there as quickly as possible if he even got an inkling that he may be in harms way. “I’m not telling Jeff by the way, I do not want to stress him out. He’s dealing with enough right now, but I do need help.”

There was a shuffle on the other side, and the clunk of Evans big boots up as he sped up the stairs, immediately leaving behind whoever he was playing with. The short jingle of keys before the opening and subsequent slamming of a door was accompanied by sighs that could only be read as impatience. He seemed to remember he was on the phone only as he slipped into the drivers seat of his family’s car. “I’ll be there in a minute.” He stated, almost blankly, before hanging up.

Casper just let himself drop the phone onto the shag below, and leaned back against the side of his bed. He pawed around at the ground without looking, trying to find some discarded shirt to contain the stream of red coming from his forearm. The faded black Fall Out Boy shirt was the perfect thing to wrap around the cuts. Dark, soft, and clean enough.

Casper sat there putting pressure on his wounds for close to ten minutes, however it felt like a full hour had passed. Forearm throbbing with every pulse, the area around the wounds growing warmer. The harder he pressed the tshirt, the more it stung. He gritted his teeth, trying to think about anything else in the world besides the pain until he heard the soft click of the door downstairs. Thank god he was too tired to remember to lock it. Thank god his brothers were too engulfed in their own selves to hear.

Evan quickly and quietly slipped into the room, shock flashing his face when he found his boyfriend on the floor instead of sitting comfortably on his bed where he’d expected him. “Alright, what the hell happened?” He gestured ambiguously towards the covered wounds, not having any clue how bad it was underneath. Kneeling at his side, he took a look over his body, doing a mental checklist of what should be where. Casper was paler than his usual lack of sun, eyelids drooped so low you’d think he had been awake since the day before. He was shaken up, he was hurting.

“You can’t tell Jeff. God please- don’t. Don’t tell Vinny either, you know he’ll tell him immediately.” His voice still reflected how out of breath he was, how much inescapable pain he was in. Evan had a look of knowing from the moment he walked in, like he already knew what they were dealing with and didn’t need a further explanation. Now he had lips pursed in anger, not at Casper, maybe not even at the white creature. Just anger. “I know, we should be honest with each other and shit, but I can’t put this on him right now.”

“God damn- Cas, what did this? What animal did you get into a fight with?” He half joked, question asked in a way that said he already knew what the answer was. The frustration in his body language only grew as he saw how much damage this thing had done to his boy. Tensed shoulders, and a pushed out jaw, he hadn’t even seen the cuts and he knew exactly who- rather what -committed the crime. “You know what, we can talk about that after. Let’s get you cleaned up, kay?”

Casper nodded, and Ev left the room, heading towards the bathroom. In the meantime, Cas pulled himself up on the bed, tshirt protecting his sheets from the drips of blood that still flowed. Evan could be heard rummaging through the drawers of the bathroom closet, items clanging against each other loudly as he tried to be as quick as possible. He wanted to say something, but truly, he was too tired to try and tell his boyfriend to calm down. There were times in life you pick your battles, and even thinking about stopping Evan Myers when he has a mission in mind, is certainly one of those times.

It wasn’t long before he strode back into the room, hands full of bandages and creams and whatever else he could find that might help. He let it all fall onto the bed next to Casper, proud at himself for remembering all the first aid he learned while training to teach martial arts. His fingers found the hem of the black shirt before thinking, he stopped himself before he lifted it. “S’Okay if I take this off? It might be stuck to the blood, don’t wanna startle you.” Cas once again just nodded, his ability to speak inaccessible at this time now that he knew he was safe with Evan.

As he peeled the tshirt from his arm, the soaked fabric stuck to the drying insides of the deep sores. The fibers took some coaxing to release, one by one popping from their hold. Casper grimaced, hands turning to tight fists as the cool air finally hit the still wet wounds. Even though he expected the sting, he didn’t expect it to be as stuck as it was, for it to be as velcro’d on as it was. Part of him wished they’d had just put wrappings overtop of it, avoided the middle step all together, but he knew that wouldn’t be the best option for his health.

Ev grabbed a spray bottle. It was full of water, usually used to help style Jeff’s hair in the morning. Rather than spraying the gauze he was to clean it with, he just spritzed the water right onto Casper’s arm. The red became diluted as it mixed with the water, managing to thin out more than the sick boy’s blood usually was. Streaming down to untouched skin before it was quickly wiped up, he went through that same routine a good few times until it was deemed properly cleaned. As properly as you can get without running water, at least.

He applied the antiseptic cream to the outside of the cuts, being careful not to misplace it or put too much pressure on them. The way he held Casper’s arm was ginger, gentle, the way you’d treat a hurt child. The way you’d hold the paw of a puppy that’s been limping on it. To the outside, this would be incredibly out of character for the brash crude Evan. He was angry, and violent, and always ready to pick up a weapon. That’s how most saw him, at least. It was a shame that only those closest got to see this part of him, the utter care and softness he could give. This wasn’t out of line for him in the slightest.

There was nothing said between the two during this time. Evan too focused on making sure the wrappings weren’t too tight, and Casper too focused on not crying. Evan was tense, a million question marks appearing in his head the longer he looked at these wounds. Once he was allowed a closer look, it was obvious that his fears were confirmed. For a moment when he’d first walked in, he thought maybe they had been self inflicted, he was prepared for that. Casper wasn’t strong enough to create such deep gashes, though, no matter how badly he may have wanted to. These were inflicted in an all to familiar way, he knew exactly what they were looking at. A part of him almost wished they were Casper’s work.

When the final end of the wrapping was tied off, the injured boy was exhausted. He was tired before a human sized hairless dog had broken into his bedroom, he felt as though he could lose consciousness at any moment. Whether due to the lack of blood, his usual fatigue, or the adrenaline wearing off, he was barely coherent by now. Evan simply piled the supplies onto the floor, not giving any care to where they ended up, before sitting on the bed as close to his boy as he could get.

“So- Gonna tell me what happened?” He pointed his hands towards his arm like he was presenting something. He sighed in reply, thinking of all the ways he could explain this away instead of simply coming clean. In the end, nothing sounded as convincing as the truth would. His hands rubbed at his face, trying to convince his words to come out of his head. He thought and overthought how to say this, how to make it make any sense, how to not sound utterly insane to his boyfriend. The gap of silence lasted just long enough to feel serious.

“There’s been a thing coming in the house, an animal, maybe? It doesn’t like me. It attacks every chance it gets-“

“This wasn’t the first time?” He was interrupted by Evan’s raised voice. The anger could be heard in his tone. Not at Casper, never at Casper, but at the thing that had hurt him. The creature that had torn holes in his most important person. It wasn’t even clear what he was up against, all he knew was the drastic damage it had done. Yet, still, all he could picture was its head on a spike. “Were you planning on fuckin’ telling us? Telling me?”

Cas shrugged, averting eye contact at all costs, preferring to look at his own hands instead. At the end of the day, no, he wasn’t planning to tell anyone. He was truly planning to take this to the grave, if all went correctly. This was his problem. It didn’t seem to be bothering anyone else in the family, of course it was his issue to work through. He wasn’t going to put another weight in the already heavy bag everyone was carrying. “Eventually, yeah,” he lied “but until now I’ve handled it just fine. Don’t think it’s touched Jeff or Alex, so I didn’t wanna like- burden them with it.”

“Burden them- Casper, brother, you have inch deep gashes down your damn arm. Do you now how much blood I cleaned from those?” Utter disbelief spread across his face. Running a hand through his hair, he chuckled to himself. Shaking his head just slightly. “You’re somethin’ else. How the hell have you not died.” He spoke lightheartedly, but there was a hint of truth behind it all. It was a genuine mystery to him how Casper hadn’t gotten more severely hurt, or worse, with how far he went like this. How much he simply refused help for the sake of others.

“I’m sorry, really. I didn’t want to bring you into all of this.” Cas set his head against the slightly taller shoulder next to him, eyes still fixed on his fingers which bounced off of each other as he fidgeted. He had no idea that Evan was already ‘in’ this. He had done such a good job at keeping his sweet boy away from the monsters, making sure he had no idea what the channel was even for in its newfound documentary era. If anyone should be apologetic, it wasn’t Casper. “This thing is dangerous. I mean obviously. You shouldn’t have to be involved with it, too. Didn’t even want you to know it existed.”

Evan gently pulled him into his side, pressing the bottom of his chin into the top of Cas’ head. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he simply appreciated his lover. Alive, awake, as okay as one could be in this situation. He was grateful that Casper was such a fighter, even when he thought he was failing, he was utterly resilient. “Now’s not the time to explain, but I’ve seen that dog thing before. Vince and Jeff found a body once and she had cuts just like that all-“

“Found a body- like a human body? She was dead?”

“Well I wouldn’t call it a body if it was alive, now would I? Anyway, we saw the thing right after they found it. It’s gotta be the same- whatever the hell it is.” He made a face of confusion, repositioning himself so that he could get both of his arms around Cas’ shoulders. “I know you don’t wanna, but you can’t keep secrets like this. It’s a whole lot easier to be maybe a little annoyed at your complaining than to plan your funeral. Finding something to wear to a funeral is a pain in the ass.”

A downturned smile faded onto Casper’s lips. His boyfriend’s humor wasn’t always the most appropriate, but he always knew when he needed to play. Whenever Cas was freaking out like this, Evan’s frequent unseriousness was an anchor. As silly as it was, every joke he cracked, and piece of sarcasm, he was reminded that the situation was never as life ending as he felt like it was. That was a talent, being able to pull him out of a spiral, especially those that involved his loved ones, luckily Evan was a professional.

“Do you even own anything that’s not so ripped you’d show everyone at my wake your thighs?” Cas giggled at his own joke, burrowing his face further into Evan’s chest. He conjured up the mental image of his boyfriend wearing his usual attire to some fancy church funeral, reflection of the stained glass bouncing off of him and pretty white furniture around. Frankly, it was hysterical. He gently shoved his right shoulder, an offended “I’ll have you know, I do!” coming right after, despite the matching grin on his face.

Casper just doubled down, shoving his forehead further into him. Evan couldn’t help but hold on tighter to him, just happy that he was still joking with him after a night that to most would be considered earth shattering. Not for Casper, though, an unsurprising fact to Evan. It’s not that Cas didn’t have trauma, he had books worth, but he carried those books neatly in a backpack in times that others would try holding them in their arms. Inevitably dropping them all over the floor. His boyfriend had always put him on somewhat of a pedestal, seen him as an angel of sorts. Moments like these it only further proved to him that he should have been born with wings.

Cas grumbled, pushing himself away and sitting back up properly. His muscles were still somewhat tense, his jaw hurt from the clenching he had subjected it to moments ago. The exhaustion was catching up to him quickly, and he knew if he didn’t get into softer clothes now, he’d be falling asleep in jeans again. “Ugh- I feel so much safer with you here, but I gotta change and sleep or m’gonna pass out.”

“Who says I have to leave? Jeff? I’ll beat his ass before he makes me leave.” He had an eyebrow raised, he was absolutely serious about his threats. If Cas felt more safe with him there, he was going to stay, come hell or high water. He couldn’t be the protector he had made himself if he wasn’t around to get between the vulnerable and the monster. “And if he tries to imply there was any foul play overnight, he better hope he watched that defense video we made.”

Casper shook his head at Evan, standing up from the bed and taking the two steps to his already open closet. He began thumbing through each shirt on the rack, trying to find one that he wouldn’t want to wear later in the week. “You’re coming up with the excuse, though. I cannot tell him about the whole gross-thing breaking into my room thing.” He settled on a years old concert tshirt that Jeff had given him once he became too cool for the band on it. It was faded, and the graphic was chipping, but it was sure comfortable.

“Yes, boss!” Evan saluted him with a nod of the head. He sat politely as Cas slowly got himself out of his clothes from the day, struggling with his painted on ripped jeans and turning down the help he was softly offered. Doing his very best not to bump his new injuries as he changed into whatever sleep pants he were closest, and the shirt from his closet. Of course, Evan couldn’t resist making a comment the moment his shirt was off, and Casper replied with something just as crude.

They bounced back and forth like this for a moment, Casper eventually leaning his hands on the ends of his boyfriend’s knees as they bantered. After one too many “yes, and” additions, Evan leaned down to meet his face, pressing their lips gently. It was barely a peck and yet Cas couldn’t help but shuffle his feet in happy stim.

The two of them had a habit of creating their own space when they were together, the events of any time before or after never mattered once they built up their bubble. They almost forgot their situation for a moment. Even if Casper’s muscles shook, and his arm throbbed, and his blood stained the underside of Evan’s nails, the memory of last hours terror was entirely out of reach. Placed in a little box, to be opened when it was safe to process, but for now sat on the dresser where it wouldn’t need to be thought of. Nothing needed to be thought of besides their soft smiles being bathed in the warm light that the bedside lamp provided.

The pair kept talking, Evan watching as Casper’s eyes became heavier and his movements slower, despite the way he paced as they conversed. It was cute, how obviously exhausted he was and yet so obviously enjoying himself. He let him continue to ramble about the thing he had been occupying himself with the past few weeks, only half listening as he worked to untie his boots and shove them off. It was something about a lost video game with a beaver, and wolves? There may have been a rabbit in there, too. He couldn’t tell you, only how pretty his boy looked while he explained it.

“C’mere,” He said, sliding as far back on the mattress as he could get in one go. He motioned for Cas to follow, and he happily complied, throwing himself onto the bed much the way he had when he’d initially gotten home. Evan sighed in feigned disappointment, pressing his fingers to his forehead and shaking his head slightly. “You know that’s not what I meant, but whatever makes you comfortable. I’m not here to judge ‘ya.”

Casper just laughed. Annoying his boyfriend was one of his favorite activities, especially when he wasn’t even trying. He wriggled himself under the covers, putting himself at the edge of the bed to leave room for Evan against the wall. “Get your ass up here or I’m taking your spot and leaving you with the dog bed.”

“Sleeping with the dogs, yeah?” Evan raised an eyebrow in amusement. He shuffled himself up to the pillows and up to Cas, who was already dozing, only an ‘mhm’ hum in reply. “Shouldn’t that be for you, you damn puppy?” He teased, referring to his frequent jokes about Casper being a dog or dog-like.

Evan got situated next to his lover. Pulling the blanket out from under him so he could have the whole thing, and wrapping his arms tightly at his waist. The warm, firm, grip was comforting. It was a reminder to Cas that for once he wasn’t alone, and if that thing came back, he wouldn’t have to fight on his own. Evan thought about putting himself on the edge of the bed, acting as a bit of a human shield to his boyfriend, but Casper was already nice and cosy. He wouldn’t dare disturb someone so comfortable.

“You’re safe now,” He mumbled. “Let yourself rest, I’ll take care of ‘ya.”

#✝️#self ship #self shipping #self ship community #self shipping community #self ship fanfic #self ship fanfiction #everymanhybrid #emh #EverymanHybrid fanfiction

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lochselfships · 1 year ago

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💤 rough around the edges, gentle as can be

Characters: Loch (self-insert), Alfur Aldric, The Postal Dude

Summary: hiiiiii i'm being gay for my boyfriends again and wrote this comfort fic for myself at like 4am!!! Loch's having a big depression night and thinking about past mistakes, Alfur doesn't know how to help, and Dude steps in. this is largely about the early days of Loch and Dude's romantic relationship, and how he and Alfur became friends.

Warnings: depressive thoughts, mild self-destructive behaviour, (referenced) meltdown, misunderstood character(s), hurt/comfort, no beta read

Word Count: 2.8k

Loch sat on the bathroom floor, curled up into a hunched-over position as another night of sleeplessness pulled them into an emotionally fragile state. Their eyes were slightly red from crying minutes ago, but they were dehydrated already and didn't have more tears to cry- The distance between their mental and emotional state being completely distanced from each other making it even more difficult to feel in touch with themselves. It was a rough night. This was becoming more common lately.

They were trapped in their head, replaying bad memories from different perspectives. Right now they were dealing with a mix of self-perception and socializing issues, mixed with a pinch of related trauma for a spicy combination that he despised so much.

"Gah…" They whined quietly to themselves, "I'm such an idiot."

Loch bit their lip to avoid sinking too much further into despair, mulling over the various times they'd made a fool of themselves and been laughed at for it. The way it had shaped them into this 'loveable punching-bag' archetype that they constantly wavered on. The way they couldn't seem to stop being an idiot around people, whether accidental or purposeful. It was exhausting.

Loch took a moment to try and ground themselves, attaching to their surroundings again.

It was silent, Loch even tuning out the tiny hum of the bathroom lights as his world was rather muffled. Then, from the other side of the locked door he heard a small tap- barely audible.

His heart raced, already panicking. How long had he spent in the bathroom? Were the others starting to worry? That was the last thing they wanted, to wake someone just to comfort them in a moment of weakness.

"Loch?" Called a small and gentle voice, and Loch shuffled towards the door to hear better- not yet bringing themselves to speak up, throat a little hoarse.

"Are you… are you alright?" Alfur's soft tones letting Loch feel a little more comfortable, but all the more guilty as they heard the worry in his voice. "If there's anything I can do…"

"No, no." Loch sighed, pressing his forehead to the door and swallowing saliva to let his voice return to normal. "I'm okay, I promise."

It wasn't a total lie, he was feeling somewhat better after a cry, but… It wasn't the whole truth either. They were struggling again, handling their past as a whole, their anxieties, as well as the struggle of opening up properly- Letting themselves be comforted.

"Hmm…" Alfur gave a concerned hum that let Loch know they weren't really off the hook with this- Alfur knew Loch's patterns on their bad nights, the bathroom was a common retreat for when they felt like a burden.

"Really, I… I've just been lost in thought again- you know me, always zoning out on the toilet." Loch lied. It was common for them to zone out in the middle of the bathroom, but this wasn't one of those times.

Alfur opens his mouth to talk again, but then closes it, unsure of what to say, or how to comfort them. Some nights it was more difficult… they were more stubborn… The elf could try his best but there were times Loch would lock themselves away and there was very little he could do about that.

"I-I'll be out in a minute!" Loch stuttered, putting on a happier tone of voice before standing up and moving to the sink to wash their face "Go join the others, um, I'll be done in- done in a sec!"

Alfur nervously fidgeted before taking a few steps away, giving them a moment to compose themselves properly. He was anxious about his partner and not sure what to do; He wasn't sure what exactly triggered Loch's current state, so it was much harder to navigate for the little guy.

He stood in the doorframe of the living room which adjoined to the hallway, and therefore, bathroom. Soon, he felt the approach of a human walking towards him. Alfur snapped out of his thoughtful daze to look up to the person and see who it was.

Oh. It was the newer addition…

Dude, a tall man with auburn hair, clad in a leather trenchcoat with eyes that always seemed a bit too manic, approached the elf with his usual demeanor. He had only recently gotten together with Loch after a long while of being friends, and Alfur was still on the rocks about him. Dude wasn't exactly the most trustworthy guy… Alfur didn't want to see Loch hurt, and hearing of Dude's less-than-reputable activity didn't put him at ease. They had been dating for over a month, though, and he seemed to be somewhat alright, so it made sense for Alfur to give him a visibility contract. It could be easily redacted, anyway.

"What's going on?" Dude spoke, looking down at Alfur through his shades (which he continued to wear indoors for some reason).

"Oh, well," Alfur began, voice still laiden with worry, "Loch's… I don't think they're doing well, to be frank. They're still in the bathroom."

Dude raised a brow, and Alfur responded with an awkward and very telling expression- it took Dude a second, but quickly realised it was a meltdown thing and his usual flat expression twisted into a small frown.

Dude huffed and glanced towards the bathroom door, where the sound of running water could be heard. "Gotcha…" He said gruffly, and scratched at his goatee in thought.

Alfur watched closely as Dude made strides towards the bathroom and stopped just outside of it. He instinctively raised a leg to kick at it like he usually would, and then did a double-take and realised that might not be the best idea, considering. Dude shuffled towards the door and heard as the tap kept running, and then tried at the door handle. It wasn't budging.

"Ya done in there?" He questioned, "Can I come in?"

There was a just-about-too-long moment of quiet before Loch's response called out, "Uh- Uhm- Yeah, hang on."

There was the squeak of a tap turning off and then a couple footsteps, then the rattling of the lock being undone. Dude turned the handle, successfully this time, and poked his head into the bright, tiled room.

"Mm, hi…" Loch mumbled, shifting their weight as Dude's eyes landed on them.

"Hey there," Dude smiled, trying to lighten the dense atmosphere,"Everything alright? You're sure up late."

Alfur watched from the sidelines, his attention anxiously darting between the two as they conversed. He didn't know how Dude would handle this if it turned sour… And he wasn't the confrontational type to step in unless things were awful.

'Maybe I should have some more faith…' Alfur thought to himself as he watched Loch's expressions turn to a soft smile at Dude's presence. They clearly felt comfortable enough being around him; that was reassuring.

"I just- Yeah. Sorry about that. I hope I didn't wake you." Loch rambled, façade already beginning to crack as they're faced with someone watching them post-meltdown.

"Nope, I was already up. Going to hit the streets for a smoke, but I noticed you were up." Dude slowly moved towards Loch, reaching to place a hand on their shoulder. His touch was much gentler than it ever had been before, like he was afraid to hurt them. "So… what's up? You can talk about it, if you want to."

Loch's mind was buzzing with all the possible ways this interaction could turn- the remnants of their depressing thoughts still leaving a mark on them.

"It's… It's complicated. Couldn't sleep. Started thinking… 'Bout stuff."

Dude hummed and leant against the wall, "Anything in particular?"

Loch made eye contact with Dude for a second, and seemed even more at odds with themselves than before. Their instincts were to tell him, to let it all out, but there was some blockage there worrying about upsetting Dude in the process.

"Just… some of those old, cringey memories, ya know? Sorry, that's- that's pretty vague." Loch huffed, frustrated with themselves more than anything.

"Nah, that's alright. Take your time."

Both Loch and Alfur were momentarily stunned by this comment- Dude wasn't known for being very patient, so this was… It was clear he was putting in a lot of effort to let Loch get out what they needed to with support, instead of pushing them. A sweet gesture, to say the least.

"Okay, um- Oh, where to start…" Loch sat on the edge of the bathtub and rested their head in their palm. "There was just- there was this time… I mean, it was quite a while ago now, I don't even know why it still bugs me, but it feels like I'll never live it down."

Dude nodded, and watched them carefully, just listening to their ramble. He'd done this plenty before for some of his old friends… And for comforting himself, when he needed it.

Loch continued, "I just- I completely cocked up in front of this idol of mine, tried to impress them and… It didn't go well. I made a complete dick of meself. Guh…" They visibly cringed just thinking about it again. "And then there were others there, people I really look up to, they definitely saw. I know it's immature, but I don't think I could face them again."

"Ah… Is that what it is?" Dude asked.

Loch nodded in response, "Pretty much. I just… I hate being laughed at. It really fuckin' gets to me when people SEE me mess up, even strangers, so for it to be a celebrity- Uughhhh…" They groan and drag a hand down their face, running over their puffy eyes and red cheeks.

"Well, what do they matter?" The Postal Dude spoke plainly, tilting his head to the side. From the angle, Loch could make out the vibrant green of his eyes that followed them, and it made their heart skip a beat.

Loch let out a baffled sound. "Huh? Hm?"

"What does it matter if they did laugh at you, or aknowledge your mistake? You know they've probably made much worse mistakes in their time, don't you?"

"Well, of course. I mean, probably. But… They're, ya know…" Loch's speech trained off.

Dude tilted his head to the other side and raised his brows in a 'go on' kind of gesture, looking to see what Loch could mean by that. He could take a good guess, but it was better to hear it from their mouth.

"I really was- or am, yeah- I really am fans of them. It hurts to think that they could remember me like… that. They're so talented, it feels like a wasted chance, sorta." They hated it, but they felt themselves tearing up admitting this all. Acknowledging out loud that it could be a possibility shattering what was left of their emotionally-stable façade.

"Got it… May I?" Dude stood properly again and asked to sit beside Loch. When he got the 'OK' for it he budged up next to them and pulled them into a cozy side-hug. He could feel Loch's shoulders shake as they sobbed a little, and he hated to see them this way. It took a lot of willpower to stay calm- But he was mostly impressed by how much he could care so much for someone again. It had been a long, long time.

"I can't say I understand, Darlin'... You're definitely a bunch more talented than them, what are you so worried about?"

Loch wiped away a stray tear and scoffed, lightly jabbing Dude in the side before leaning back into his touch. "You're just buttering me up now."

"Well, maybe." Dude smiled, glad to see Loch have a little more fight left in them. "But really, what can they do that's better than you? There's no reason to hold em up to a standard that's higher than yourself. I don't see it… They're not all that important."

"Animation, music, the like…" Loch listed off, trying to think clearly. "I can draw but… They've got- they've garnered a following and worked their asses off. Feels like they're more worthy of- of I don't know- respect? More respect than what I showed them."

"Pfft, through an algorithm of mostly dumb luck? And you're saying that makes em somehow more worthy to judge you? Surely you know how that sounds." Dude couldn't help but poke holes in Loch's self-deprecting argument.

"Well… Yes. I suppose. But…"

"But? No, seriously, there's nothing that you should be putting yourself down for here. I've seen your work- It's goddamn impressive, I'll tell you that." Dude praised, and his cocky smirk grew into a toothy grin as he watched the praise sink in to Loch and bring out a genuine smile. He loved that look on them.

"I guess… Maybe it's something deeper than all this? I'm not sure. I get made fun of a lot- Less than I did as a teen, but still… It's kind of a sore spot to worry about being a laughing stock. If that makes any- any sense at all." Loch continued.

"It makes sense for you to feel that way," Dude started, and rested his chin on top of Loch's head. It made Loch's face flush further, being so close to him in a moment of real emotional intimacy. "You're not a laughing stock. You're a person. Like me, like everyone else. We all fuck up from time to time, some more than others. I mean…" He laughed, "Look at me."

From the hallway the tiny elf was still listening to this conversation. He had perched himself upon a nearby windowsill and listened intently, pleasantly surprised at the emotional literacy that the other man was displaying in this situation. He really had misjudged him, it seems. A satisfied smile grew on his little face from knowing Loch would be looked after in situations like this.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a mess, I know. I'm aware." Loch chuckled. "I- Hmm. Thanks." For a bilssfully quiet moment, Loch realised they had nothing else to refute. Their wounds weren't completely healed, but talking about it all made them feel a lot better.

After a solid minute of mutual silence in eachothers embrace, Loch let out a hefty breath they didn't realise they were holding, and stood up. They stretched their back out, feeling their bones pop with a satisfying sound.

"Yeah. Thanks, really." They reiterate, and turn back to Dude, who dusts himself off and follows in suit.

"It's no big deal. Glad you're feeling yourself again, sweetheart."

Loch let a soft expression fall onto their features from the pet name, and rubbed the back of their neck.

"So, shall we leave this god forsaken box?" Dude asked, offering an arm.

"Hah, in a minute- I'll catch up with you in the lounge, just need to tidy up me face first." The younger man replied, and turned towards the mirror-cabinet above the sink to do as they said.

"Alright, see you in a second."

With that out of the way, Dude stepped out of the room and back into the hall. He looked to his right and caught the eyeline of a certain Aldric, who didn't look nearly as worried anymore.

"So…" Dude mumbled, "you listened into all that?"

Alfur let a guilty chuckle escape him. "My apologies, I did. Um…" He averted his gaze to the floor, "Thank you for that. It was sweet, how you were with them."

Dude scratched at his stubble and looked away, an embarrassed blush rising on his cheeks. "Sure."

"For what it's worth," Alfur started, getting ready to hop off the windowsill. "I'm happy they have you. Maybe I could interview you sometime, get to know each other?" He reached the floor and paused momentarily, still rather nervous. "If that's of any interest to you, of course. I don't want to force you-"

"Alright." Dude answered quickly, his deep voice contrasting Alfur's higher-pitched accent. "That's fine by me. Next time we have a free moment, then."

"Yeah!" Alfur nodded happily, and wandered into the living room after Dude. "But for now, I should really try to convince Loch to sleep…"

"I'll grab the water." Dude stated without hesitation and marched towards the kitchen.

The elf watched him leave for the drink with a happy expression, the action pushing away any doubts he had beforehand. Dude really did care, deep down.

Alfur heard the switch of the bathroom light trigger behind him, and spun around to see Loch heading out.

"Oh, Alfur!" Loch smiled, and bent down to let Alfur climb aboard their shoulder. "Sorry about that, I hope you weren't too worried…"

The Aldric sat comfortably on his lover's shoulder and nuzzled affectionately into their neck.

"Not at all. I'm happy you're okay."

#🩷 || Darling Dance #💐 || Love Letters #selfship #selfshipping #selfship blog #selfship fanfiction #self ship fanfic #📚 || Littlest Journalist #✂️ || Bullets n Bruises

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pastelpousay · 4 months ago

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‼️HEY HEY HEY‼️

!!BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!

OKAY SO IK I SAID THIS YESTERDAY BUT I HAD RELEASED MY FIC TO THE PUBLIC AND I POSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER ALONG WITH THE PROLOGUE!! :D (here’s the link :3)

Here’s some art to bait you into reading this bs

I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE YOUT TO READ IT I PROMISE ITS GOOD!! I’m also contemplating on releasing it on Wattpad but yea…BUT DO KEEP AN EYE OUT

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the-bar-sinister · 4 months ago

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Obsessed with villainous displays of affection.

violence on their beloved's behalf.

deranged compliments and praising bad deeds.

stealing nice things for their beloved.

jealousy and possessiveness.

encouraging their beloved to be worse.

crimes together.

#villain posting #villain f/o #dark self ship #toxic ships #hero x villain #villain x villain #shipping tropes #shipping dynamics #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #🔍⚔️

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sennamybeloved · 2 years ago

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getting ready for bed.

✨ — ship: senna x lucian x seren (s/i)

✨ — cw: a very brief mention of weed.

✨ — summary: a polyamorous triad's antics as they get ready for bed. nothing too special.

✨ — from @timothymcgees’ drabblecember prompt list :) i really like this challenge and i plan on doing a few of these. this is way longer than a drabble is supposed to be, but that's... fine. reblogs are appreciated as always!

Seren always draws out her gaming sessions into the late hours of the evening—or all the way into the early hours of the morning if she can manage it. Even when she’s exhausted, demotivated and annoyed, she can’t bring herself to put the controller down.

This only becomes a problem when it’s very late and she has somewhere to be in the morning. She knows she needs to sleep, but five more minutes wouldn’t hurt, right? She just wants to take this bounty, or grab this last collectible, or buy a new saddle and maybe a new horse too. Then she’ll go to bed, she swears!

But alas, it’s never that simple. Her partners have to pry her away from the screen almost every single night.

Tonight, she predicts them. She’s mindlessly tapping away at her controller, slumped over in that old, dusty beanbag chair of hers when she hears Senna and Lucian begin to move around upstairs. She glances over at her phone, which sits on the floor beside her, to check the time. 11:20 PM. Yeah, okay. She needs to get off her ass and get ready for bed.

Senna, who’s already in her pajamas—a black tank top paired with colorful, fluffy pajama pants that have stars on them—comes down to the living room to collect her phone charger. As she passes Seren, she taps her on the shoulder, “C’mon. It’s time for bed.”

Seren groans in childlike annoyance, yet she’s very quick to stop what she’s doing and close out of the game. She’s exhausted, that much is obvious; she can barely keep her eyes open.

“When do we have to get up tomorrow?” She calls over her shoulder. She knows they have to go grocery shopping in the morning, so she knows the answer is early, but how early, exactly? She wants to gauge how screwed she is.

“Uhhh… like, eight.” She calls back, already on her way back up the staircase.

Okay. That’s not too bad. That’s like, uhm… more than 5 hours of sleep, she thinks.

Seren sighs through her nose. The end of her tail flicks against the ground in overtired agitation as she shuts her PlayStation down for good. It takes her several long moments of silent encouragement to will herself to her feet. She grabs her phone and her blanket—a thin Dollar Store blanket with a fox printed on it—and begins the long trek upstairs.

All the lights are on. The bright, yellowed light strains Seren’s eyes, despite having spent the previous hours staring at an even brighter screen.

Lucian and Senna are going about their nightly routines, darting between the bathroom and the bedroom, washing their faces and changing into clean, comfy clothes. Seren doesn’t have a nightly routine. She simply collapses into bed and passes out for ten, sometimes twelve hours. She wants to do that now, but the only thing that stops her is a hand grasping forearm, yanking her towards the bathroom.

“C’mon.” It’s Lucian’s voice, deep and gravely and commanding. “Brush your teeth.”

Seren grumbles as she’s crammed into their very small upstairs bathroom with the pair of them and practically shoved against the sink. With a defeated sigh, she drops her fox blanket on the floor and snatches her toothbrush- no, wait, that’s Senna’s toothbrush. She grabs her toothbrush and smears a glob of toothpaste on it, holding it under the running facet for a little too long before sticking it in her mouth.

Lucian mirrors Seren, moving much less lazily than her. No one in this house had a history of great self-care, but Lucian and Senna have a history of being motivated to take action long before Seren is, so as they assume better habits, they force her to as well. She’s grateful for this.

“Do we have a shopping list?” Asks Senna, who’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub, tucking her curls into a satin bonnet. "I know we need eggs, bread, uh, cereal... but what else?"

Lucian spits out a mouthful of toothpaste before replying. "I wrote a list. Don't worry."

“Don’t we-” Seren tries to speak into her toothbrush, but she stops herself. She, too, spits out a mouthful of toothpaste and wipes off her mouth before starting over. “Don’t we have to meet Akshan for something too?”

“Uhuh. That’s why we’re going so early. He couldn’t meet us later, for whatever reason.” Senna responds, the annoyance in her voice very clear.

It feels like they're always meeting Akshan for something. No one but the person who orchestrated the meeting knows for what. It's usually for something really stupid, too. Once, it was for a giant variety pack of Monster Energy. Around this time last year, it was for marijuana seedlings Senna had offered to pay for. Those really got them through those late winter months. Seren hopes that's what it's for this time.

“Huh,” She shrugs, wearing a sarcastic smile on her face. “Busy man.”

Senna hums. “I doubt it.”

Lucian splashes cold water onto his face, drying himself off with a very old and overused hand towel. He tosses it aside into the overflowing dirty laundry basket afterward.

Someone should do that laundry, Seren thinks. It's not gonna be her, though.

Pulling away from the sink, Seren goes to leave the bathroom. However, she's quickly grabbed up by Lucian, who takes hold of her face this time.

"Wait," he says. "You still have makeup on."

"Uhg..." Seren groans, halfheartedly struggling against his firm-yet-gentle grip on her jaw as he reaches onto a low-sitting shelf, pulling a single makeup wipe out of a dispenser and bringing it up to Seren's face. It feels cold and wet against her skin, making her groan and grumble some more. He wipes off a layer of foundation, concealer, and powder she's had caked to her face since early this morning, as well as faded eyeshadow and black eyeliner. One makeup wipe was hardly enough for the. job, but Lucian made it work.

"There. Don't that feel better?" He says in a half-teasing, almost patronizing way, and Seren glares at him. While doing her best not to get caught in the crossfire, Senna takes the filthy makeup wipe out of his hand and places it in the trash.

"I'm going to bed," She announces pushes her way past the two of them.

"Uh, I am too!” Seren pulls away from Lucian's grip, who lets her go without a fuss since he's done with her anyway. She scoops her blanket up off the floor and practically skips out of the bathroom, towards the bedroom, and into bed. She collapses onto the mattress and worms her way under the covers before Senna even has the chance to get comfy.

Seren hears Senna laugh; a warm, melodic sound that warms her heart and clears her head of worry. "I thought you didn't wanna go to bed," She comments, slinging an arm around the vastaya's body.

Seren snuggles closer to her in response. "I never said that." She speaks into her skin, face nuzzling against her shoulder.

One by one, the lights flick off. First, the bathroom, then the hallway, then the bedroom room, leaving only the dim light of their lamp. It's enough to illuminate Lucian. He slips off his shirt—a big, black t-shirt that's even too big for him, the six-and-a-half-foot giant he is—and crawls into bed with them. He, too, huddles up to Seren's side, effectively sandwiching her between the pair of them.

Seren feels her face grow warm. The feeling of laying between them, their skin touching hers, their hands dancing over her body so lovingly, still proves to be too much for her after all these years.

"I love you guys." She blurts out. She couldn't have stopped the words from leaving her mouth if she wanted to.

She's always worried they find her flirtations incessant, meaningless, annoying or boring, but they smile bashfully and reflect the energy nearly every time.

"We love you too, Seren," Lucian says. He brings his hand up to caress Seren's face; a much gentler touch than the one she'd felt mere minutes before. Callused fingertips dance over her freckled skin, carefully tilting her head towards him. He leans down and kisses her on the bridge of her nose. His fingers lace into her hair as her face—her entire face—rests comfortably in his palm.

Seren feels Senna's arms snake around her waist. She cuddles up to her back, pressing a kiss between her shoulder blades before resting her head there.

Seren sighs, long and heavy, her entire body melting into the bed, and into their touches.

Without disturbing the embrace too much, Lucian is able to flick off the lamp with an outstretched arm. He then readjusts himself, wriggling deeper into the nest of blankets, wrapping his big, strong arms around both his partners, but mostly Seren—she feels like the most important person in the whole world right now. She feels like a king or a queen or a god. She cannot imagine a better feeling than this, not even worship.

It doesn't take long for her eyes to drift shut. She falls asleep peacefully in the arms of her lovers.

#i dont think i like this #lotus writes #oh and for extra context seren is playing rdo in the beginning :)#drabblecember #self ship community #selfshipping #f/o community #self ship fanfic #f/o x s/i #self ship prompt #self insert #self insert x canon #fanfiction #* ★ / self insert: seren abaru .#* 💚 / death is drawn to life .#* 🖤 / a steadfast heart .

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