#postal fanfic

[rebmeat]

12 fucking pages. my postal fanfiction is 12 fucking pages and its not finished. can't fucking wait to post it so at least people can enjoy it hopefully 🙏🏻

[transfrogwithcoolsocks]

I have been cooking up something devious recently that i getting proofread and checked (by me)

I’m writing a very self indulgent Postal fanfic thingy because i want to:3

Here is a sneak peak to it :)

I’ll be posting it on @doomsdaycounter most likely so if you want to read it check there in the next few days!!!

[w3ird0s-0rgans]

The sneak peak snippet of the video I'm making with the 'puppets'

(I'm playing out a ao3 fic for the fun of it)

(Sorry if my voice is goofy or slurred I have speech problems)

[napsfork-brainrot]

Postal 1 Dude x Reader: Meeting

A/N: This is a mini-fic of how you (yes, you!) meet the deranged, yet somewhat of a softie, Dude. Enjoy this silly little idea!

Paradise... What a joke name for this town.

It's as if the town was only given this name just for a sick joke, a spit in the face, to those that were unfortunate enough to live here. The only reason you had decided to even set foot in this town is because it had low rent prices for housing, and it was the only thing you could afford without having to "make ends meet", so to say.

The town of Paradise, Arizona is home to many people. Unfortunately, most of these people are criminals, violent drug addicts, and genuinely hateful people. Sure, you weren't a saint yourself, but you tried to not go out of your way to cause harm to others, even if you felt that they may deserve it. However, with your minimum-wage job at the coffee shop and the numerous rude customers coming into your work just to give you grief... you could swear that you were losing your patience and felt thin layers of your sanity being cut away from your brain.

After a long day of work, you walk away from the coffee shop, carrying your stuff in your arms. All you want is to go home, take a shower, and go to bed. It's the same thing you do every day, anyways.

Go home. Take a shower. Go to bed. Wake up. Go to work.

Repeat. Forever.

Even though you want to go home and just relax, you can't help but feel that you need something new in your life, something that can help you get out of this endless spiral of repetition and silent despair...

You were losing yourself in your thoughts, not paying attention to anything as you walk down the sidewalk. As you pondered how to get out of your emotional rut before you became too depressed, you suddenly collided with someone!

"Ah..!"

You yelped out, stumbling a bit as you caught yourself. The person you collided with stopped and turned his head around, looking at you with a blank look on his face. You looked back at him as you stood up straight, putting a hand on the back of your neck as you started to apologize.

"H-Hey, sorry, man. I didn't mean to bump into ya."

You said, giving him an awkward smile, hoping that he wasn't too angry or annoyed with you. However, the reaction you got was something very, VERY, different from what you were expecting.

The man turned around to fully face you, and you could tell that he was... definitely different. Long ginger hair, a ginger goatee, a pair of black shades over his eyes, and a black trenchcoat over his shoulders. He gave you a small smile and he shook his head, speaking rather quietly. He seemed to be rather shy, giving you a small chuckle before he spoke.

"Oh..! Aha... N-No, sorry, it's... I should have paid attention. You're fine..."

The man said with a shy smile. He held his gloved hand out towards you, introducing himself.

"The name's Dude. ...Well, it's what people call me, anyways. ...Don't think I've seen you around here before."

You felt a small smile come to your face as he spoke and you shook his hand. You gave him your name before pulling your hand away, continuing to look at him with a comforting grin.

"Nice to meet you, Dude. Yeah, uh, I actually just moved here not too long ago... It was the only town that I could really afford rent in, so... Heheh... Ya know."

You said in a somewhat joking manner. Dude seemed to find that funny as well, laughing along with you. The two of you stopped laughing and he nodded his head, running a hand through his hair as he continued to smile.

"Haha! Hey, I don't blame ya... Hey... If you need anything, and anything at all..."

Dude said, his voice turning into a slightly more serious tone. He turned and pointed at a dirt driveway off to the side of the road.

"...My house is just down that dirt road. You can come on over if you ever need anything... Or, anyone, really."

He seemed to have genuine care for you, even if you two had only just met. Dude continued to speak, empathizing with you about living in this town.

"People here are... weird, I know that. So, meeting someone like you is... kind of a breath of fresh air, you know? ...Sorry, I must be sounding all soft right now. But, I mean it. You come over if anything happens... Got it?"

Dude said, putting one of his hands on your shoulder as he gave you another smile.

You were hesitant for a moment, a bit bewildered by his trust and protectiveness for you. But you knew that he meant it. He was different, just like you.

"...Okay, Dude. I will."

[strawbrygashez]

Postal OC (Beachtime Dude) x Postal 2 Dude

The worst

Hiiii :) I made a postal oc a while back called Beachtime Dude but never made a fic with him until now! Like his name suggests he’s a beach themed Dude! He’s a stereotypical surfer Dude basically. The idea for him kinda came from just Ken from Barbie and doll swimsuit lines being called stuff like “Beachtime fun 🤪”. His nickname is Ken bc of that :D uhhhhHHH YEA I HOPE U ALL LIKE THIS 👍

————————————————————————

“Yknow, you’re probably the worst version of myself I’ve ever came across.” Dude said matter-of-factly from across the table as he took another scoop out of the ice cream the other Dude had bought for him. Yes the same one who he was currently bad mouthing. The blonde raised a eyebrow but didn’t look too fazed as he tossed the frisbee Champ and his own dog, Pal, had brought back to him. “Is that so? Would love to know why.” Was all he replied with as he watched Champ and his golden retriever kick up sand as they carelessly chased after the toy.

‘Would love to know why’ Dude repeated in his head with a scowl. There are so many reasons why he was the worst but they all pretty much equated to this version of Dude being too perfect. He was too sane to be a Postal Dude..and just too different in general. The man had blonde hair and a sculpted body for Christ sakes. He honestly looked sculpted by the Gods while most Postal Dudes Dude knew were ginger and on the skinny side or like in his own case, flabby. It pissed him off. Not to mention that the blonde, in the three days Dude had been stranded and stuck with him, hadn’t shown a single moment of his mask of sanity slipping. He hasn’t seen one instance of the other seeming pissed off by the world or pissed at himself. It just didn’t make sense. He wasn’t even annoying sly like the Postal Dude with the brown trench coat was. He was just some ‘ordinary’ Dude by the looks of it…it wasn’t fair and oh god did he hope there wasn’t more like him. He couldn’t take another version of himself that was basically a ‘what could have been’ being rubbed in his face.

Of course he didn’t need to really know that right now however. Dude just sighed and watched the blonde for a moment longer. “Ken?” He asked. The blonde looked over and took his sunglasses off before he began to rub the lens against his the bottom of his tight shirt, probably to get the sand off or something. “Hm?”

“Do you really spend all your time just chilling at the beach? Like.. you aren’t always running around.. living the busy life?” Dude asked before again, taking another bite of his ice cream, trying to ignore the fact this other Dude had insanely mesmerizing light blue eyes (another thing he hated him for). “Mhm. Well- occasionally I help organize events for the beach or beaches near by.. or help bring awareness to keeping them clean by having people sign petitions. Other than that I mostly just take it easy.. and get up to things I wanna get up to.” Ken explained as he continued to rub away at his sunglasses and once he was happy with them, he slid them back on.

Dude felt like if he scowled anymore at the other he’d get stuck that way. Really? This guy was one of those ‘keep the earth green’ hippie guys too? He was more like a young Unlce Dave if anything else. Ok not that Dude was against the message but y’know…again he wasn’t like any other Postal Dude he’d met.. he seemed like too much of a goodie two shoes. Dude decided to yet again basically repeat himself from earlier “You suck.” Ken rolled his eyes with a grin before taking the spoon Dude was using from his hand and taking his own scoop of Dudes frozen treat. “For what? Caring about something important? I’m so sor-”

“Has anything shitty happened to you before? Ever?” Dude blurted out without really thinking about it.. and by Kens expression, he could tell that he was maybe catching on to Dudes jealousy.. or at least train of thoughts. Ken only looked at him a moment longer before bringing the spoon up to his mouth and yep, put it in his mouth even though it had just been in Dudes. “Yeah? I guess… Had a bit of a uh..traumatic at home life with my parents. But I don’t exactly wanna get into it.” Oh.. well Dude of course wasn’t going to celebrate that but at least Ken seemed a little more relatable with this now known fact. “Oh… sorry.” was all Dude offered in return.

They sat in silence for a bit in the sunset as Ken took a couple more bites. The silence had been alright for them both for awhile but Dude could tell there was something on Kens mind. It only just now occurred to him that maybe just randomly asking someone you didn’t exactly have the closest bond to yet about their possible troubled past wasnt the best idea. He was about to try to get some sort of apology out until Ken held up a finger as though he was about to speak before he swallowed his spoonful of ice cream.

“If you don’t have the best uh.. mental health or if you wanna change your mind set, have you tried exercising? It-” Dude interrupted Kens thoughts with a scoff before propping his elbow on the bench table and resting the side of his head on his hand. “What’s next? You’re gonna sell me crystals?” Dude joked with a roll of his eyes. Everyone always said the same thing when it comes to this kinda shit. Do people think it’s honestly that easy t- “if you’d let me finish…” Ken continued, now interrupting Dudes thoughts “I was going to say, I know it’s not for everyone but it helped me. I don’t even think of surfing and swimming as exercise half the time. It’s more of a hobby. I was going to say you could try finding a hobby too asshole…” he said with a tease as he just twirled the spoon a bit in his hands, still watching Dude in front of him, even ignoring when the dogs came back with the frisbee and dropped it by his feet.

“Don’t have time for ‘em. It’s always something or another going on with me. I haven’t quite figured out the way to be a beach bum and relax all day in a little travel camper thing like you yet so..” Dude trailed off with a grin. Ken ignored the ‘bum’ part for now as he sighed and looked over to the ocean to the left of him. The waves had calmed down quite a bit and not many people were still hanging around.. not many people stayed very late on weekdays anyways. The few people who were still on the beach were just relaxing near the shore line while others were swimming in the water.. and that’s when Ken got a idea.

He turned back to Dude and was suddenly grinning but before Dude could say anything, Ken took another scoop and held it up to Dudes mouth. “Here. Hurry up ‘busy boy’. I got a idea”

Dude felt his cheeks heat up a bit at the nickname as he roughly pulled the plastic spoon out of Kens hand and into his own, making the scoop of ice cream fall onto his own pants. “Whatever…I can feed myself you weirdo. Just give me a second.” Dude grumbled. Ken didn’t seem to mind though as he suddenly got up and tossed his own trash away in the nearby garbage can and made his way over to his little camper parked right on the sand not far away.

Dude watched with a frown as he quickly finished before tossing the empty cup out and catching up to the blonde who had opened the back doors of his camper and was rummaging in what looked like a pile of clothes for something or another. “What the hell are you doing?” Dude asked as he leaned against the back of the truck. Ken shuffled a couple things around a moment longer before he held up a pair of swimming trunks. “You said you didn’t have a swimsuit yesterday right? Well you’re going to try swimming now.”

-

It took a bit of convincing to make Dude actually try them on. Ken had to tell him that yes they were washed (even though he knew Dude really wasn’t one to give a shit about wearing clean clothes), and also yes, they’d fit and he wouldn’t look stupid. There weren’t even many people around anyways even if he did. He obviously could tell that despite the tough, rugged persona Dude put on he was pretty easily embarrassed and self conscious.. but it wasn’t anything some positive reinforcement and praise couldn’t fix. And eventually, Dude did emerge from a nearby changing stall in the ‘stupid’ trunks Ken had picked out that were just black with flames on them.

“Here. Happy? I hope you don’t expect me to go very deep by the w-”

“See!?” Ken cut him off. “Look at you! You look fine! You can even keep those if you want. I barely wear them anyways. I get so many from companies and brands that I don’t even wear the same ones more than once anymore.. anyways cmon, let’s go.” Ken said with a grin before taking Dudes wrist before Dude could go on just standing there, complaining further. Dude followed him though confused as he did so. “Companies send you shit? Why?” He asked. Ken however didn’t answer and instead slipped his hand into Dudes as they approached the shore line. Dude felt his face get a little warm again but didn’t really make move to take his hand away..he just didn’t hold Kens hand back.

“Ok. So..there isn’t anything to be afraid of okay? I don’t know what horror movies you’ve seen but it’s really not that dangerous until you swim wayyyy out.. wait do you even know how to swim?” Ken asked. Now Dude took his hand out of Kens grasp. Of course he knew how to swim. He was 26. He wasnt a child… Dude huffed. “I’m not stupid Ken. Just shut up already would ya?” He asked as he finally took a couple steps in. He was fine. The only thing bothering him was he was pretty sure he already stepped on a sea shell but it didn’t matter. Ken watched him with a grin before shrugging. “Whatever man. I’m still making you actually swim a bit.”

-

And the whole thing.. turned out less annoying than Dude thought it would. The water felt really refreshing against Dudes already ‘old’ and warn our body.. especially when Ken wasnt making actually swim out some (with his help.. Dude had gotten a little rusty and forgot how to really swim so some help was needed. Which Ken actually kindly gave) and allowed him to relax. The time together actually made Dude a lot less pissy with him earlier as they shared some laughs, stupid life stories, and some nice moments together. They barely had noticed when the sky had gotten darker until the last other person on the beach had gotten out to get dried off some.

At least Dude had watched that person leave anyways. Ken was being stupid and was under the water for some reason or another until he popped up beside Dude and flipped his wet hair back out his face and grinned. Dude wouldn’t admit it but.. damn did Ken look nice with his hair all messy with that stupid grin. “Necklace.” He randomly said. “Huh?” Ken lifted a arm out of the water and presented some necklace he definitely hadn’t had on earlier. This one had a nice, pretty sliver butterfly charm on it “Someone lost it I guess. It’s mine now.” He grinned as he moved to put it on Dude, only rolling his eyes and chuckling as Dude swam back away from him a bit at the action.

“If it’s yours why the hell are you putting it on me?!” Dude asked as he went to grab a hold of it. “Because? I wanna. Chill out. If it’s mine I can give it to whoever I want.” Ken replied with a shrug, still grinning. Dude was quiet a minute before letting go and leaving it on. “Hm.. I guess you are a little bit of shitty person then. Stealing some poor girls necklace to give to a guy you barely know.” Dude finally grinned back. “Eh, if someone loses something while swimming here they rarely have hope they’ll be able to find it again. I’ve seen like maybe.. one or two people try though and I actually helped them thank you very much.. and it’s not like I pawn the stuff I find off anyways.”

“Oh so you give them to whoever lucky girl.. or uh guy.. I guess.. you’re with for the day?” Dude teased, now slicking his own messy wet hair back too. Ken smirked and moved a bit closer to him. “Mm.. nah. I might give some away but I actually use most accessories I find in my photos online! Well the ones someone can’t be like .. totally sure it’s theirs anyways.” Ken explained. “Ah.. you post a lot of pictures online? What? You got a ‘onlysurfers’ or something?”

Ken chuckled and shook his head. “Nah. Remember how I told you I get people sending me things? I got a good social media following.. I guess you can kinda say I’m a model. It’s usually like beach life brands sending me shit. I get paid to promote their crap.” Ken explained before he glanced over to their two pups who were now just laying about on the sand. “Ugh… you’re a social media influencer? I think me and Champ are going to have to leave you soon now.” Dude teased, shoving him playfully. Truth be told, it really didn’t surprise him that Ken was a bit of a model though. Hell, if he looked like him he probably would post pictures everywhere of himself too. “Aww don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Ken joked as he looked back to Dude. Okay now he really was sounding like that one other ‘Postal Dude’ with the brown jacket.. maybe he was a more sane version of that specific Dude.. though he honestly didn’t give a shit about thinking about all that anymore at the moment.

-

They swam for a bit more, just talking until something felt.. really wrong and painful. Dudes face twisted into a pained look as he hissed and lunged forward onto Ken since the pain was in his foot and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself up right with the painful muscle spasms. “AGH! Shit!” Dude cursed only just now realizing he’d thrown himself against Ken when Kens arms wrapped around him.. oh god. “Are you alright?” Ken asked in concern as Dude still gripped on. “Ah- sorry yeah. Got a fucking cramp from all this swimming though. Didn’t mean to grab you though let me just-..” Dude tried to shimmy away to maybe swim back to shore himself as quickly as he could but it seemed like Ken had other plans as he held onto him as he started swimming back to shore.. Dude was pretty sure he’d never been more embarrassed in his life. This shit was something out of some girls diary where she wrote about some blonde hot life guard man coming in and saving her. Dude couldn’t help but to groan and cover his face once Ken got out of the water but still held onto him, now bridal style. Ken only grinned though as he happily walked Dude over to his camper. “Poor thing.. see this is why you need to keep swimming! You can build up your tolerance and-”

“Or I could just not go swimming in the first place” Dude spat glaring at him but for some reason.. still not telling him to put him down. “Pfft. But where’s the fun in that?”

-

Eventually Ken had gotten both dogs back in the camper and shut the doors as he had Dude sit on the bed as he digged for some kinda medicine to help Dude with his pain. Dude hated how bright it was in his little camper but it was somehow better than his own trailer home.. even though it was much smaller. It was nicely decorated and not cluttered somehow and he’d somehow managed to fit a sofa in there which is what Dude had slept on the past two nights.. hell there was even a little spot inside the camper for Kens dog. How he managed it, he didn’t know.

“Sorry you’re feeling bad.. I shoulda realized you probably couldn’t swim as long as I can.” Ken said as he finally found the medication he was looking for and grabbed a water bottle before handing both to Dude. Dude shrugged and took the meds before speaking. “Not the worst pain I’ve been in. At least I had a idea that it was coming…”

Ken wasn’t exactly sure what Dude meant by that but as he looked over his body… he could probably piece it together. The other man had many odd shaped scars all over his body and with the way he was talking earlier, it wouldn’t surprise him if Dude really did get up to more.. dangerous things around town all day. It wasn’t a ugly look though, more interesting than anything else really. He’d have to ask about it eventually but as he looked up to Dude, he noticed he’d probably been checking his body out too long because his face had gone red.. it was so easy to see it too since he was your typical pale ginger. “W-what?” Dude asked, only now just remembering to turn and grab his shirt he’d left on the bed and toss it on.

Ken shook his head. “Nothing. Just.. you can take the bed tonight. I kinda accidentally pushed ya too hard. I’ll take the couch.” He said as he began to shut the blinds to some windows. It had gotten pretty late and Ken really seemed to have a much better sleep schedule down than Dude.. Dude watched for a bit, thinking to himself… The couch wasn’t terrible but, god would he be pissed if he had to let some basically ‘homeless’ guy take his bed while he slept on his couch.. that’s what Dude told himself his thought process was at least before he awkwardly coughed before speaking up.

“Uhm… you don’t- I wouldn’t mind…” Of course Dude couldn’t actually get what he wanted to say out, it was too fucking weird and embarrassing. He scratched the back of his head and looked away from Ken as he tried to think of how to continue. “Hmm?” Ken asked as he turned a light off. “Get on the damn bed.” Dude spat out awkwardly.

Ken rolled his eyes and just thought Dude was being hardheaded. So he tuned off one other light before grumbling a “fine.” And climbed onto the bed, thinking Dude would stand up but he never did. It was only when Ken laid down and Dude followed his action until he got what Dude wanted. “Oh…” He smirked, now flipping to lay on his side toward Dude. “If you wanted to cuddle you could have just asked” he teased. Dude grumbled before taking his sunglasses off and rubbing his eyes. “I can get up if you’re just going to be a ass.” Dude huffed. “No~ I’m sorry. You’re just trying to be nice. I know it’s hard for you.” Dude ignored that and just moved to actually get under the covers, which Ken did as well. Once they were both comfortable, Ken spoke up again. “Hey Dude?”

“Yea?”

“I get a.. little lonely at night. Can I hold you?” Ken asked barely holding in the laugh at the end though he was serious. Dude opened his eyes to give a mean glare at him. “Whatever. This is already gay enough as it is.”

“ I don’t know why you’re acting like it was my idea for this mr moody.” Ken said before snaking his arms around the other. Dude didn’t dignify that with a response.. well more like he didn’t know how to respond to that. He was just so tired and it did feel nice to have someone hold him like that so he just stayed quiet. And it stayed like that until they both fell asleep, gayly in the same bed.

[ratg0r3]

THAT ONE FIC IM WRITING UPDATE

ch2 but its just the lil bit i have written uh also find it on A03

The blaring sound of a cheap battery-powered alarm clock wakes me from my sleep. Rubbing my eyes and reaching blindly to the area above my head where the alarm clock goes off. Knocking the batteries out of the clock as it hits the floor. "Ah, shit…" Groaning I sit up, looking around the semi Sun lit room before looking for the clock and its batteries. Once found I place them back in the clock and set it on the end table where it was before. Standing up and making my way to the bedroom of the apartment I find Mikey sleeping with their pile of plushes. Quietly walking to the dresser I grab some clothes, not caring what it is, as long as it's clean. Once I get changed for the day I drive back to the corner store, pulling into the back parking lot. Getting out of the car and entering the store I see the tall ginger guy looking for snacks. Standing there for a moment I decide to walk up to him, seeing as it's thirty minutes before my shift. He smells strongly of a campfire as I step closer, trying to play it casual by stepping beside him and browsing the snacks. I look over at him and find he is caught up in listening to his music, he gives a quick glance at me before a face of recognition appears. Fumbling with his Walkman, he pauses his music and turns to me with a curious look. "Yeah? You're the cashier from yesterday, right?" He says as he points to me after grabbing a bag of plain chips. "Yeah, my friends call me Crust, or Rust… long story but that's my name. What about you? I never caught your name." I ask as I look up at him, his sunglasses reflecting my image back. He smirks as he goes back to browse the snacks again. "Name's Dude. Nice to meet you Rust, so… Do you have work here today again?" He says as he walks to the drink section of the store, browsing the sodas. "Yeah, just a four-hour shift though, some guy called in sick a few days back." Sighing, I grab a can of Cola for myself. "Can I talk with you after work then? You seem like one of the only people with their head screwed on right." He says before holding out his empty hand and he looks at me with a small awkward smile. Shaking his hand, I take note of the roughness before speaking up. "Sure Dude, also here, I'll pay for your stuff too, come here to the counter." I walk over to behind the counter, ringing up his items, a bag of chips, and a pack of gum along with my soda. Paying for them all then handing him the bag of his items smiling. "I'll see you later Dude."

[kittycraftt]

honestly would post Angel x Postal 1 Dude fanfics but im too scared to and never finish writing them,,,,

[yandepostal-fanfic]

WEAPONS SO FAR

"Steel Karate" Steel-Toes, Dusters, & Karate Knowledge

"In case the Katana sticks out like a sore thumb."

- Suitable For Stealth-Based Melee Combat

- Attacks slightly faster than Katana

Beretta

"My First Gun ever."

- Starting Pistol

- Burst-Fire Is surprisingly very accurate, but each shot does sorta-weak damage

- Infinite Ammo!

"Italian Boomstick" SPAS12 with Wooden Furniture

"My Second Gun ever."

- Semi-Auto Shotgun

- Resembles Beta Shotgun from Postal 2, with Wooden Pump & Grip

- Has a little Keychain shaped like a Pizza Slice

- Devastating Weapon; Cheesy Italy joke

Katana

"Ol' Reliable since Teen Years"

- Primary Melee Weapon

- Attack Damage can down certain enemies in few hits

- Functions like Katana from P2 Paradise Lost

- Tsuba/Hand-Guard Resembles the Running-With-Scissors logo

Silenced Garand + Rocket (not used, but mentioned)

"Blam! Blam! Blam-DING!"

- Silenced, but does the “ping” when fresh out of ammo, at the cost of alerting enemies of your presence

- Works like the Revolver from Postal 1/Redux

- Also has a “Garand Rocket” to work as the Rocket Launcher, at the cost of temporarily removing the silencer

- Rare “Garand Thumb” effect When Equipping that bites a bit of health off the Player

Explosive Cucumber

- A Firecracker strapped to a Cucumber.

- Works like a Pipe-Bomb from Left 4 Dead, but exclusively for Kappas

[dave-lizard-dem-tekno]

rly cool announcement!!

U can read YandePOSTAL HERE ON TUMBLR! FOR FREE!!1

The Prologue & Chapter 1 are out right now!

[bucketinyourwalls]

Rereading this because it STILL gets notifications to this day and. Oh my fucking God this was horrible. I need to rewrite this and the P4 fanfic I wrote because these are HORRIBLE I mischaracterised Movie Dude in this so much 😭

House Husband!Movie Dude x Gender Neutral Reader

WARNINGS: None, just fluff and a bit OOC Movie Dude and ofc rushed as fuck

Word Count: 1097 A/N: @nonbinarypostaldude and @strawbrygashez you two are gonna be both my downfall and writing inspiration istg. But eh, at least I get to write Movie Dude being the cutest mf. So hey, to everyone who reads this shit hope you enjoy ❤️. And also for this fanfic, although I do adore Faith just gonna pretend she and Movie Dude had a more one-off relationship after the Postal Movie and elected to just be friends, and also that the world didn’t explode with everyone dying since I’m honestly still not sure about that. Been a while since I watched the film so I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure that’s what happened. Either way, enjoy ^^

As you walked up to the door of your rented home, you sighed in relief. Work has been kicking your ass all week and you’ve barely had any time to relax. Hell, some nights you’ve even had to sleep in the office since you were too tired to drive home and your husband was already asleep by then. But now, you finally got the work finished and you can properly relax with your small family.

As you walked in, you were just about ready to announce your presence before shutting up upon seeing the sight in front of you. On the couch was your sleeping husband, curled up in a blanket while his Dog Champ and your cat Zack were curled up with him and nuzzling him. It was a heavenly sight, and you couldn’t help but smile widely. As he slept, you quietly walked over to him and leaned down to give his forehead a small and soft kiss. You could see him slightly stir in his sleep as you kissed his forehead, along with the way his chest slowly rose and fell as he softly snored, even if his snores were a more quiet form of honk-sho.

As he slept on the couch, you quietly set your stuff down and walked to the bathroom in your shared bathroom for a quick shower. And although it was quick, it felt nice to just have a hot shower and relax. Once you walked back to the living room fully dressed in comfortable clothing, you smiled softly again seeing that your husband was awake now and petting Zack and Champ, but has failed to notice you. So, you took the chance to quietly sneak up behind him and hug him from behind. And without wasting a second, you nuzzled your face against his neck and gave it a few soft kisses.

“Jinkys!” He yelped in surprise as you hugged him from behind and gave his neck a few kisses, his face already red with blush as his body tensed up a bit. But once he realized it was just you, he calmed down. “Ah... you’re home! W-Welcome home, love.” He smiled softly at you, turning around a bit so he could see you properly. “Mm, I’m glad to be back with you, darling.” You chuckled again before kissing him on the lips and enjoying his flustered face as he kissed back, muttering; “golly” into the kiss before the two of you finally pulled away.

“Jeez, that was amazing, love.” He smiled widely as his face remained flustered, his hand reaching to his collar and adjusting it. You couldn’t help but quietly laugh at his reaction, kissing his nose and continuing to hug him. “You always say that, darling. Why do you keep getting surprised?” You asked him, since it was a constant in the time you two were together. No matter what, he’d always become flustered.

“Just never got so much affection before, y’know? Faith did a good job while the two of us were together, but my ex-wife...“ His voice trailed off at the mention of his wife, his face saddening a bit from having to remember her as his eyes averted. You could tell he didn’t want to talk about it much, so you just kissed his forehead and continued hugging him, running your fingers through his hair as you comforted him. “Hey, no need to focus on that darling. I can tell you don’t like thinking about it. So, how about I cuddle you until you feel better, okay?” Your face was soft while looking at him, wanting to do your best to comfort him after the memories entered his mind.

“Thank you, love.” He smiled softly and sighed in relief, resting his forehead on yours before yelping again as you picked him up in your arms. His face was red with blush, and the blush grew worse with your laughter. He barely weighed anything to you. “You’re so cute, darling~.” You sat down on the couch and winked at him, placing him on your lap as Champ nuzzled against you, wanting attention as well in which you gladly obliged.

“You got a cute ass dog, darling.” You kept giving Champ the affection he deserves, with MD doing the same as he picked up Zack and pet him. “And you have a cute cat, love.” His face was still red, but occasionally managed to gain the confidence to quickly kiss your cheek, managing to take you by surprise as he averted his eyes from your gaze. “Aww~, cutie~.” You chuckled before cupping his cheeks and gently grabbed his chin, just watching his face grow more flustered from your actions. “Wowie... W-Wow. Jeez louie, you really think so-?” Despite his flustered face and stammering, his excitement was obvious. It was adorable, and it just made your heart melt.

“Truly, darling. You’re cute as hell~.” You smiled as you grabbed his hand and kissed it a few times, enjoying the sound of his giggles. And after a bit, you kissed his lips again as he melted into it, kissing you back before pulling away, his face still red as he adjusted the collar of his shirt again as he looked away shyly. “Is it hot in here, or is it just me...?“ His voice was quiet and shy as he spoke, and it was just adorable to hear.

“Hah, just you, darling~.” You smirked and kissed his nose again, cuddling him while he remained in your lap. You gently rubbed his back and ran your fingers through his hair, resting your head on his shoulder while he simply enjoyed the affection and your touch. “How did I get so lucky to have you...?” He whispered to himself, snuggling into your body as you cuddled him. “Mm, I’m the lucky one here, darling.” You smiled softly as your eyes slowly became heavy, causing him to smile at you and wrap the two of you in the same blanket he slept in.

“Sweet dreams, love.” He whispered to you as he kept snuggling against you, kissing your cheek and watching you fall asleep with him in your arms. “I love you so much, darling.” You sleepily muttered to him as you kept cuddling him, slowly falling asleep as your vision went black and faded. And as it faded, you heard the lovely sound of his humming. His little lullaby that you rarely got to hear, yet adored.

And through your nap, you slept peacefully. Slept peacefully with your husband in your arms, finally relaxed after a week of hell.

[cephalopod-celabrator]

I think it's a shame that there was never a discworld book involving Moist Von Lipwig facing the elves. Because I would pay so much money to see that. The elves are dangerous and some of them have seriously powerful magic, but for the most part they're creatures of glamour. They entrance, trick, deceive, and intimidate. But the thing is, Moist is even better at it than they are. Moist's primary skills are just his sheer audacity and charisma. The elves are creatures of stories, and Moist knows how to spin a story better than anyone. Plus, it's mentioned elves often try to use their glamour to overwhelm humans with sheer feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. And while Moist doesn't like plenty of things about himself, he's incredibly good at hiding it. As I said, he's a man with audacity. It could also draw an interesting parallel showing how elves aren't much more than he is, just magical con-artists but at least he's trying to be better now. Bonus: Adora Belle Dearheart vs the elves. She has an even more ironclad sense of self-confidence than Moist. Plus she has golems, which would likely be unaffected by both elf glamour and elf swords, and goblins which were formerly enslaved by the elves and are a vengeful people with access to a lot of iron. It would also be funny if they were hyper-sensitive to her cigar smoke or something

[rebmeat]

my essay for my art school application : 1 page

the postal fanfiction I've been writing for 3 days : 7 pages + 1 page of paragraphs i removed

[transfrogwithcoolsocks]

My Postal fic is now on AO3!!

Yippee!!

You can find it here!!

[georgiacooked]

“Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.” ― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

[strawbrygashez]

Vampire Postal 1 Dude x Postal 3 Dude

Starting to get spoiled

Yep! We r about to get Twilight up in here 🧛‍♀️ uhh tw for blood, needles, cutting ppl open (not descriptive) !!! 😧 this is a bit more uhh sensual than I usually write but nothing super super crazy happens! Ask me to tag anything else

————————————————————————

A postal dude of all people should be used to changes in their life, almost everyday a new situation would present itself to Dude and for the most part, Dude could handle it well and go with the flow and P3 guesses this isn’t the absolute worst new thing he had to introduce to his daily errands list but it was certainly new. Usually after killing someone, he’d just go on his jolly way, perhaps whistling a tune while stepping right on top of newly deceased body now that one more annoyance had been taken care of, but now Dude had to spend a good while after with the cold dead body and occasionally drag them off for even more privacy so there would be less of a chance someone would come across the pretty disturbing scene of Dude trying to collect as much blood from the body as he could.

He was still trying to improve on how he actually went about doing this. The least messy way he found was using a syringe but that took a bit longer than other options and didn’t even really provide that much blood if he didn’t repeat his actions a bunch of times, so sometimes he’d go about it the bit messier way and just find a good place to cut open and drain what he could into some of the bottles he’d started to carry around in his backpack now.

It was kinda a pain to clean himself afterwards if he had other things to do and couldn’t exactly be covered in blood while doing so (which was most of the time) but he didn’t mind much. It was all trial and error since he was new to this but it was definitely worth it to know he’s helping out his boyfriend and to know how thankful he is for this. Seeing as p1 couldn’t go out in the daylight and even still had his phobia of being around people and being outside in general at night, p3 felt like it was his job to help him out and provide what he could for his little blood sucker. Coming home had actually became something p3 looked forward to even more now since when he did, and announced to his fanged boyfriend that he’d gotten him a new supply, the way p1 would perk up made his heart flutter every time..no matter how gay that sounded.

-

P3 was actually looking forward to this right now as he skipped as jolly as ever as his old trailer came into view. Throwing a wave towards Champs direction once he saw the old mutt in his beat up dog house, he quickly sped up to the door, opening it with a loud “Honey! I’m home!”. Only to be met with…no sight of his boyfriend anywhere at first. The light was off for some reason which was pretty unusual. By now P1 would usually be either watching TV or sitting on the couch watching..wolf documentaries on his iPad of all things..which the irony in that had been pointed out to p1 multiple times by now but he didn’t seem to change his interest in the animal despite the jokes.

Confused, P3 switched the lights back on, smiling as a groan came as soon as the lights filled the living room again. Apparently his blood sucker had been laying down on the couch. Tossing his backpack off for now, he made his way over to look down at him from behind the couch, only for his smile to drop as he saw the state P1 was in. He looked pretty miserable, somehow paler than usual as he scowled and pulled the blanket up more over him. “What’s wrong dollface? Did you not drink anything yet? I told you I left some extra bottles in the fridge.” He asked as he ran a hand into P1s long hair. That was another thing he was proud of actually. Since he’d came into P1s life, he’d actually helped him improve in a couple things. One being that he convinced P1 he was worth taking care of himself..so now his hair wasn’t always matted and tangled as it had been before.

P1 leaned into his boyfriend touch but didn’t seem any happier. “No. I know but…mm..” P1 grumbled, apparently not wanting to say exactly what was going on, instead settling to face his head to kiss the palm of p3s hand instead. P3s smile stayed as he ran a thumb across his boyfriends cheek bone. “But what?” He asked. P1 looked up at him for a moment, in thought about something before shaking his head. “You’ll..get mad at me if i-..” he yet again mumbled. The brunette of the two rolled his eyes playfully before removing his hand from him and crossing his arms on the back of the couch. “Did you manage to trick some poor pizza guy to come over and now he’s rotting in our room? Or maybe he kicked your ass and that’s why you’re all mopey?” P3 knew at times when P1 won’t spit out what he wants to say or is holding something in, humor or messing with him usually helped. They were a pretty good match in that way.

P1 rolled his eyes now too and finally sat up, giving p3 the chance to see how bad off p1 actually was at the moment. His face was even skinner than usual and his eyes looked ‘dead’ which was a usual sign he hadn’t drank in a while..which he already said he hadn’t but- “I don’t want some uh..like pizza guys blood.” The fanged Dude said. P3 nodded and joked “yeah you’re too good for that.” P1 glared at him for just a minute before rubbing his eyes and continuing. “I don’t want…Dude. I..The blood you’ve been bringing back is..okay. I appreciate it but it’s all so cold and-”

“You can probably heat blood up. Yknow we have a microwave..might make it smell bad for me but I dunno I might like it! When someone is burning they kinda smell like chicken so..”

P1 squinted a moment before sighing. “No. I’m just trying to say..the last time I had yours…it was so good and warm.. all these other random other people I’m drinking from aren’t as good.” He finally confessed. P3 couldn’t help but get..a tiny bit red at that (probably not helping the situation here since p1 sounds like he could eat him whole right now since apparently..he was ‘warm’). He gave a slight nervous chuckle before standing up straight again. “Didnt I let you do that at least twice last week? I think you’re just starting to get spoiled…” P3 said before starting to go over to grab his backpack to provide him with a bottle. And for fucks sake..a fucking whine sounded like it slipped out of his boyfriend. “Pleassee… I’m not getting spoiled…it’s just you taste really good and I’m tired of random peoples bland cold blood.”

Now one of p3s favorite things about his boyfriends whole ‘vampire’ thing was all the sucking and tasting innuendos. It was just too easy. He smirked and stopped in his steps to look back over at him. “I taste good, huh? In more ways than one?” Now either p1 knew what he was doing or he was just dense but either way..he nodded. “Mhm..and..maybe if you let me have what I want..I’ll ‘taste’ you the other way after.” It was a miracle in P1s mind he was able to get that sentence out with a minimal shake in his voice. He still wasn’t used to being with someone..or even being in situations like that with someone but he supposed fair was fair and well..he is his boyfriend so he obviously would wanna do that anyways. And of course, when p1 had gotten that offer out, p3 being the horn dog he is, changed his tune real quick.

“Yknow what? I’ll take ya up on that.” He smirked as he made his way back to him on the couch. P1 grinned as p3 made his way to sit down and scooted over but paused when p3 did while the smirk left. “Just..be good and don’t yknow fucking kill me. Or I guess you can. Dying because of you would be alright I suppose.” He finished, finally sitting down. P1 shook his head playfully and scooted up closer. “Of course not.” Now that P1 was this close…maybe it would have been a good idea to have drank some beforehand because the way p3 smelled was intoxicating..and the heat coming off him was almost too much. He hadn’t felt this much of a need for him in this way before.. not being able to really hold back, he made his way to sit on his lap, not wasting much time to lean in close to the side of p3s neck, taking in the warmth and how his vains seemed to pop out in P1s eyes. P3 felt the tip of his boyfriend nose slowly move across the side of his neck which caused him to swallow. He felt like fucking prey under him which..still wasn’t something p3 was used to. Not that it scared him, he trusts p1 but he was usually the one in control. To regain somewhat of a grasp of the situation, he held onto P1s thin hips as he continued.

“Let go.” He whispered, still not moving away from his neck. Before p3 could ask why, his boyfriend continued before licking a stripe up his neck. “Take off your jacket.” The brunette listened and shrugged off what he could while sitting down and p1 helped pushed the sleeve down out of his way from what side he was leaned into. Now he had much better access to the area he drank from last time which he could still see the scars from. A mix of feelings washed over him as he saw his old bite and fang marks in the skin where Dudes shoulder met his neck. Mostly he felt proud and content knowing he’d been walking around with that even though he rarely took his jacket off. For just a moment he imagined him taking it off just for some bitch to get jealous of him, seeing he belonged to someone else. But those thoughts could wait for later. He felt practically in heaven in this situation right now and not taking a bite already felt like he was just teasing himself..but he supposed a little preparation was always good.

Apparently he wasn’t only teasing himself however, feeling a sudden..sign in p3s pants that he was enjoying this in some way too. The ginger couldn’t help but giggle and go back in to lick over the spot he’d previously bit. He heard a small breath leave his boyfriend and his hands once again return to his hips. “You’re too good to me.” P1 whispered as he glanced down to his boyfriends tan skin. “I know. That’s wh- MM-!” The little fucker cut him off with one more lick from the flat of his tongue, only to finally sink his fangs in. P3 didn’t hate the feeling, it felt amazing the past two times and he sure it will start to feel better in a minute but the sharp first sting always had him biting his own bottom lip.

P1 brought his other hand up to hold onto p3s other shoulder to hold himself up steady as he quickly felt himself getting lost in the way p3 tasted. In all of his life nothing compared to the warmth and taste of him. Something about it was just so much better than anyone else he’d ever drank from and it certainly helped that his boyfriend eventually started to raise one of his hands up to his back to ‘soothe’ him when he was the one getting fucking drank from. P3 ran his thumb up and down a area of his boyfriends spine as he listened to the little noises that escaped from his vampires throat. He (correctly) assumed this was also satisfying more than his literal thirst ..especially when p1 would occasionally grind in closer to him and it didn’t take long for the ginger to get worked up himself too to where his boyfriend could feel it and him panting.

P3 couldn’t help but to groan a couple times and let his body relax as more and more of blood was taken from him. All of this made his body feel hot and his head feel dizzy like usual but this time..he felt a bit more dizzy than usual. It was probably because p1 was..really drinking more from him than he usually did. He’d never felt a liquid start rolling down himself during this before but he certainly did now. He also felt his boyfriend huff even more as he continued and felt the fucker even bite down harder, like he was forgetting, ‘hey you’re drinking from ur boyfriend here’. And it was getting all too much when P1s knee pressed in between his legs more and the room felt like it was spinning.

With what energy he could muster, he let out a silent “hey…” when p1 didn’t answer and just kept on ‘enjoying his meal’ that he was taking a bit too much enjoyment of, he gave a slight pat to his hip. “Hey. C-calm down already..y-you’re gonna- I’m not gonna have much blood left sk-skippy.” Thankfully this got P1s attention this time and he finally slowly unhooked his fangs out, quickly licking up what was still pouring out before sitting up straight to look at p3. And sure, p3 felt super fucking light headed and probably wouldn’t be in the mood for his bj anymore now that he can’t focus on one thing much and was tired as shit but what he did notice and take immense pleasure of was how fucking blissed out his boyfriend looked now..only being slightly terrified that his boyfriends mouth and chin was pretty well covered in his blood.

The life in his eyes was back and even some color was in his face now. His cheeks were back to looking a bit plumper again too. He watched as p1 licked his lips and a slurty grin appeared on his face. “Guessed you had fun hm??” P3 asked as he rested his head back on the couch. “Mhm~ thank you babe.” P1 sang as he leaned in to give him a quick kiss. P3 only hummed ‘mhm’ back before closing his eyes. The ginger stared at him for a moment longer while licking more of the blood off his lips before going to slip back down onto the ground to get started on his side of the deal..until a hand grabbed his upper arm and p3 only shook his head. “Forget it. You nearly damn killed me I just wanna chill for a moment.”

“Oh…sorry…do you want me to patch up your arm?” P1 innocently asked as he looked back over to the bloody shoulder. Again p3 shook his head and now pulled p1 up closer and wrapped his arms around him. “Nope. Just stay still for a minute would ya?” The vampire grinned and nuzzled into him. “Fine..you know we wouldn’t have this problem maybe if you’d let me turn you into a vampi-”

“We’ll get there when we get there” the brunette mumbled as he got moved to get more comfortable. P1 chuckled and finally closed his eyes too. “Of course”

[blackenedsnow]

I love ur writing so much could I maybe request p1 slowly learning to love and be loved 💔

p1 dude learning to love and be loved ; headcanons

WARNING: Emotional detachment, slow emotional healing, and mental health struggles.

PAIRING: Postal (1) Dude x Reader

NOTE: Thank you so much for your kind words! This is sooo sweet and I had so much fun writing this.

At the beginning, Dude is incredibly distant.

He’s been hardened by everything going on in his head, unable to trust anyone, and it takes time before he even acknowledges your presence as something more than just another person in his life.

He avoids eye contact, rarely speaks, and his body language is closed off.

He flinches at touch, even a casual hand on his shoulder can cause him to stiffen.

He’s not used to physical affection and struggles with it, associating touch with pain or vulnerability.

You notice this and take things slow, giving him space while offering gentle reassurances that you’re there for him.

The first step to breaking through his walls happens in small ways.

You notice that he tends to neglect himself—skipping meals, isolating for days, or losing himself in his own thoughts.

You leave food for him, make sure he has a clean place to rest, or leave a blanket for him when it gets cold.

Even though he has that coat on all the time.

He doesn’t thank you at first, but you notice him slowly accepting these gestures, even if he doesn’t show it outwardly.

There are rare moments when you catch a glimpse of his vulnerability.

Maybe it’s late at night when the weight of the paranoia becomes too much, and you find him staring out into the darkness, lost in thought.

You sit next to him, offering silent company.

He doesn’t say anything, but the fact that he doesn’t push you away is progress.

Trust comes slowly for him.

The first time he starts opening up to you, it’s not in the form of deep conversation but in subtle actions—he lets you sit closer to him, or he allows himself to relax slightly in your presence.

It’s a process of him realizing that not everyone wants to hurt him, and you’re someone who’s there to help, not judge.

Dude doesn’t know how to love anymore, not in the traditional sense.

But with time, he starts showing his affection in his own way—he might fix something for you, stand by your side, or give you something meaningful to him, even if it’s small.

He’s not one for grand romantic gestures, but his love is shown in quieter ways.

If you’re having a tough day, he’ll sit beside you in silence, offering his presence rather than words.

His touch remains tentative, but over time, you notice him reaching out—a hand on yours, or resting his head on your shoulder when he feels safe enough to do so.

His biggest fear is losing the one person who has stayed by his side.

The thought terrifies him because he knows how fleeting happiness can be.

When you notice him getting more protective, it’s not out of possessiveness but fear.

He doesn’t know how to express it, but the idea of losing you is unbearable to him.

It takes time for Dude to fully accept that he deserves love.

Even after he begins to care for you, there’s still a lingering doubt in his mind—why would anyone want to be with someone like him?

But as you continue to show him patience, understanding, and unconditional support, he starts to believe that maybe, just maybe, he’s worthy of love after all.

There’s a moment when the emotional walls he’s built start to crack.

Maybe it’s after a particularly difficult day, or when his fear catches up to him, but he finally lets his guard down in front of you.

He doesn’t say much, but he leans into your embrace, allowing himself to be vulnerable, if only for a moment.

It’s then that he realizes just how much he needs you.

Slowly but surely, Dude learns that love isn’t about perfection or being strong all the time.

It’s about support, about being there for one another, and allowing someone to care for you, even when you don’t feel like you deserve it.

You’re the person who teaches him that love can be a healing force, and while it’s not a magic fix, it’s a step towards a brighter future.

Dude may never be the most emotionally expressive person, but he’s learned how to love and be loved.

He starts to accept that it’s okay to rely on someone else, and while he may never fully leave behind his paranoia, with you by his side, he begins to find peace in the idea that love doesn’t have to hurt.