#yeah if there’s problems THAT won’t me it lmao

[am0ralexis]

Minecraft Virgin (flirty) 💖

You had just ended stream—sweatpants on, mascara slightly smudged, chewing on stale tortilla chips in front of your dual monitors—when the DM notification hit your screen.

New Message Request: @ quackity

You blinked.

No fucking way.

You clicked it open, half-sure it was a fake.

Alex: hey quick question

do you seriously not play minecraft??

—

You stared at it for a second.

Why the hell is Quackity messaging me about Minecraft of all things?

—

You: umm hi??

no i don’t lol

is that a problem or

—

Alex: PROBLEM?

IT’S A NATIONAL EMERGENCY

you’re telling me you’ve NEVER mined a single block??

not even a little dirt hut??

not even a panic shelter made of cobblestone and shame??

never been blown up by a creeper at 3am??

—

You: lmfao calm down

you’re acting like i just told you i’ve never breathed oxygen

—

Alex: it’s basically the same thing

how are you a streamer and not a degenerate cube gamer

this is wild. i’m fascinated. i must study you

also

new proposal: stream with me. i will be your guide. i will be your emotional support steve.

—

You: this is very intense for a first message

are you always like this or am i just special

—

Alex: yes

—

You: yes to which

—

Alex: both.

always like this.

and you’re also special.

don’t make it weird.

—

You: it’s already weird. you’re yelling about cubes at me

—

Alex: BECAUSE THIS IS A BIG DEAL

you are a minecraft virgin. this is historic. you must be gently corrupted

we’ll start slow

i’ll give you a flower. teach you to punch a tree. lead you to your first inevitable lava death.

it’ll be beautiful

—

You: you’re insane

—

Alex: correct

also

if you title the stream “losing my minecraft virginity ft. Quackity” you’ll break Twitch records

—

You: lmao yeah let me just casually drop

“losing my virginity to Quackity”

that won’t break twitter or anything

—

Alex: uhh

i mean 😏

—

You: *minecraft virginity*

calm your horny little streamer brain

—

Alex: no promises

i’m extremely charming and i build excellent pixel houses

you’ll be down bad by the time we find our first sheep

—

You: you’re confident huh

—

Alex: no i’m just right

you’ll see

but seriously

please do a collab

it’ll be fun. i’ll behave. mostly.

—

You: mostly?

—

Alex: okay 40/60

—

You: fine

i’ll do it

but only if i get a good skin. i want to look hot in cubes

—

Alex: say less

i’m commissioning us matching little e-dater outfits as we speak

you want pink or black?

—

You:

both. mix them. make me emo and hot.

—

Alex: literally my specialty

oh my god

this is going to be iconic

chat’s gonna ship us instantly

—

You: don’t give them ideas

—

Alex: too late

i’m already tweeting “she doesn’t know how to craft a pickaxe but she crafted my heart”

—

You: if you tweet that i’ll block you

—

Alex: worth it

—

You: you’re ridiculous

—

Alex: and you’re gonna be terrible at Minecraft

but it’s okay

i’m patient

and hot

and humble

—

You:

so you’ve said

—

Alex: i’m manifesting

—

You: alright, cube boy

send me a time. i’ll log on and prepare to embarrass myself live

—

Alex: i’m gonna make a shrine to your first crafting table

—

You: i hate how excited you sound

—

Alex: i’m already in love

with the content

(and maybe you)

—

You: relax

—

Alex: never

—

You: see you in the block world, idiot

—

Alex: can’t wait, virgin

—

You: “Virgin,” huh?

You’re the one giving virgin tbh

—

Alex: WHAT

take that back right now

i am LITERALLY sex coded

i radiate whore energy

—

You: hmm idk

you radiate “cried after making out once in 11th grade” energy

—

Alex: WOW

i’ll have you know i’ve made out at least THREE times and only cried once and it was for a completely unrelated reason

—

You: was it because she didn’t know how to make a crafting table

—

Alex: ok that’s fucking rude and uncalled for

i’m blocking you

collab canceled

—

You: you’ll cave in like 5 minutes

—

Alex: i literally already opened the server

i’m making a spawn area that looks like a heart. fuck you

—

You: AWW

you’re such a bottom it’s insane

—

Alex: you’re gonna pay for that. i’m gonna drop you in lava and then blame it on lag

—

You: you wouldn’t

—

Alex: i would

and then i’d sob and make you feel bad and you’d forgive me bc i’m cute

—

You: fuck. you’re right. hate that

—

Alex: see?? i win

again

my riz is unmatchable

—

You: your riz is giving 12-year-old who googled “how to flirt”

—

Alex: and yet.

here you are

still texting me. still agreeing to collab.

still thinking about me and my hot pixel skin.

—

You: i hate you

—

Alex: no you don’t

—

You: unfortunately

—

Alex: it’s okay. you’ll love me once i teach you to make a sword

—

You: if you give me a flower in game i’ll probably fold instantly

—

Alex: babe i’m already building a garden with your name spelled in wool

it’s over for you

—

You: shut UP

—

Alex: no

i’m romancing the shit out of you

with cubes

—

You: i’m gonna let a skeleton shoot you just to humble you

—

Alex: that’s fair

but you still like me

—

You: …maybe

—

Alex: i’ll take it

see you on stream, virgin

—

You: you’re still the virgin

—

[STREAM STARTING SOON…]

Quackity: “Okay chat, we’re doing something insane today. This is actually history. This girl right here—say hi—”

You (laughing): “Hi. Please don’t say anything weird.”

Quackity: “No promises. Anyway. This girl has never played Minecraft before. She’s a Minecraft virgin. That’s what today’s stream is called. I’m serious.”

You: “I hate that that’s public now.”

Quackity: “YOU SAID IT FIRST.”

You: “Yeah but I didn’t think you’d name the VOD that. You can’t just rawdog a title like that.”

Quackity: “Rawdog a title is CRAZY. Don’t say rawdog and virgin in the same sentence.”

You: “Sorry. I forgot this was a Catholic stream.”

Quackity: “It IS a Catholic stream. I’m like three Hail Marys away from combusting. Be careful.”

You: “Explains why you act repressed.”

Quackity (mock offended): “I am NOT repressed! I’m just emotionally constipated!”

You: “Same thing.”

[Chat is exploding: ‘SHE’S COOKING HIM’ ‘RELEASE THE RIZZ’ ‘WHY IS THIS SO FLIRTY’]

—

You spawned in facing a wall and immediately fell into a hole.

You: “WHY AM I IN A PIT.”

Quackity (wheezing): “That’s called gravity, baby. You spawned in and got humbled instantly.”

You: “Teleport me.”

Quackity: “Say please.”

You: “No.”

Quackity: “Say it slutty.”

You: “…Teleport me daddy.”

Quackity: “OH MY GOD.”

[Chat: ‘?????’ ‘WTF WAS THAT’ ‘IM SWEATING’]

—

You finally met up with him and immediately punched a chicken.

Quackity: “WHY DID YOU KILL THE CHICKEN??”

You: “It looked at me funny.”

Quackity: “Babe that was my cousin. I’m a duck hybrid. That was my people.”

You: “You didn’t say we were playing on your homeland. I would’ve been more respectful.”

Quackity: “YOU MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD.”

You: “Okay fine, I’ll kiss you to make up for it.”

[Both go silent. Chat goes feral.]

Quackity (quietly): “Wait. Fr?”

You: “I meant in Minecraft.”

Quackity: “Damn. Blocked.”

—

Later, he was trying to teach you how to make tools.

Quackity: “Okay so now you put the sticks on the bottom and wood on top.”

You: “That’s what she said.”

Quackity: “HELLO??”

You: “Wait no that made no sense.”

Quackity: “It made sense to me.”

You: “Gross.”

Quackity: “You love it.”

You: “You’re right. I’m giggling and blushing.”

[Chat: ‘GET A ROOM’ ‘MAKE THEM A SHIP NAME’ ‘this is not about blocks anymore’]

—

Night fell in-game. You started freaking out.

You: “There’s something breathing behind me.”

Quackity: “That’s me.”

You: “No I mean in Minecraft.”

Quackity: “Oh.”

You: “…But also ew.”

Quackity: “WOW. You just called me ew. On MY stream.”

You: “You’ll survive. You’re dramatic.”

Quackity: “You’re lucky I like you.”

You (too fast): “I like you too.”

[Silence.]

Quackity: “Anyway, here’s a rose.”

You: “Oh my god. Is this a proposal?”

Quackity: “Only if you survive the night.”

You: “Bold of you to assume I won’t die in five minutes.”

Quackity: “Bold of you to assume I won’t carry you.”

You (grinning): “Bold of you to assume you’d last longer than five minutes.”

Quackity: “EXCUSE ME???”

[Chat: ‘OH????’ ‘SHE ATE THAT’ ‘GET HIS ASSSS’]

Quackity: “That was an unwarranted attack on my fictional stamina.”

You: “Fictional??”

Quackity: “I mean—I have stamina in real life too, obviously. I’ve got, like… loads. Of stamina. Like, gallons.”

You: “Gallons??”

Quackity: “Gallons of stamina. A surplus. Overflowing. You might need a nap.”

You: “Gallons of stamina. Right. I’m gonna throw up.”

Quackity: “I’m serious. It’s medically concerning, probably. My stamina could power a city.”

You: “Down, boy. Keep your gallons to yourself.”

Quackity: chokes on air “I’m gonna be honest with you, that was the hottest insult I’ve ever received.”

[Chat losing it: ‘DOWN BOY???’ ‘GALLONS OF WHAT??’ ‘STOP I’M IN PUBLIC’]

You: “This is supposed to be a Minecraft stream.”

Quackity: “It is! It’s educational. Teaching chat about stamina and self-control.”

You: “You have neither.”

Quackity: “Okay, first of all—true. Second of all—still hot of you to say.”

[Chat: ‘THEY’RE IN LOVE.’ ‘THE TENSION IS UNREAL.’ ‘FUCK THE ENDER DRAGON JUST KISS’]

—

Alex: you’re going to kill me

like actually

my poor heart literally cannot take this

—

You: you’re literally 24

you’ll live

you’re like a baby

—

Alex: wow.

just called me emotionally fragile and a toddler in the same breath

this is abuse

—

You: you’ll recover. drink some water, touch grass, I believe in you

—

Alex: I’m not some innocent boy with weak lungs and no game

I’ve done things

—

You: …like?

—

Alex:

like…

mature, adult, worldly things.

don’t quiz me

—

You: you’re giving “virgin” again

—

Alex: okay??

bold of you to assume I didn’t take YOUR minecraft virginity tonight??

—

You: my minecraft virginity

huge difference

—

Alex: I’m just saying

if you ever wanna lose the other one too

I’m very… adaptable

—

You: adaptable?

—

Alex: I meant talented but I panicked

—

You: “talented” is such a funny way to describe your dick

—

Alex: it is talented

it knows things

it’s been through character development

—

You: ok now I need it to do a PowerPoint presentation

—

Alex: I’ll set up a Google Drive folder with visuals

—

You: “visuals,” huh?

is that a fancy way of trying to send me a dick pic?

—

Alex: WHAT—no

I meant like… academic visuals

for educational purposes

—

You: mmhmm

next you’re gonna tell me it’s wearing glasses and holding a laser pointer

—

Alex: honestly

now I feel like I should draw that

he deserves lore and a backstory

—

You: your cock has lore???

—

Alex: rich lore

tragic past

a hero’s journey

—

You: a redemption arc, I hope

—

Alex: every time I wear gray sweatpants it’s a soft reboot

—

You: jesus christ

you’re unwell

—

Alex: you started this

—

You: and I’m going to finish it

by publicly rating your PowerPoint when it drops

—

Alex: fuck. now I actually want to make one

imagine the slides

“Slide 1: humble beginnings. Slide 2: pivotal turning point in 2020. Slide 3: rise to power.”

—

You: Slide 4: disappointing reviews on Yelp

—

Alex: rude

I only have 4 stars because one girl said it was too powerful and changed her personality

—

You: oh my god

—

Alex: she started doing pilates and bought a label maker. I stand by my impact

—

You: you’re so full of shit

—

Alex: and yet

you’re still here. texting me. after dark. talking about my dick’s cinematic universe

—

You: I love indie films

—

Alex: you’re gonna make me fall in love with you if you keep being like this

—

You: aw

don’t get soft on me now, powerpoint boy

—

Alex: I’ll get hard on you instead. respectfully.

—

You: respectfully?

—

Alex: professionally.

—

You: well thank god. I only flirt under contract

—

Alex: perfect. I’ll draft one up

terms and conditions: you have to collab with me again

maybe in bedwars

maybe in bed

who’s to say

—

You: mmm maybe

but I gotta see you in the sweatpants first

since you swear it’s life-changing

—

Alex: i’ll wear them

you’ll believe

and then I’ll show you Slide 5: real-world testimonials

—

You: pics or it didn’t happen

—

Alex: you’re telling me to send sweatpants pics like this isn’t a slippery slope??

—

You: I’m simply conducting a visual review before investing in the dick’s cinematic universe

—

Alex: so you are interested in the extended universe

—

You: depends on the production quality

I’m not committing to an indie dick with poor lighting and shaky camerawork

—

Alex: WOW

I’ll have you know my dick is filmed in 4k, has a great soundtrack, and a dedicated fanbase

—

You: fanbase???

—

Alex: two exes and a girl from TwitchCon

but still

—

You:

I bet one of them left a Rotten Tomatoes review

—

Alex: she said “unreasonably funny mid-movie but surprisingly emotional climax”

—

You: I’m crying

—

Alex: you will be

that’s part of the plot

—

You: okay. that’s it.

sweatpants pic now. for research

—

Alex: fine

but when you start writing fanfiction about it don’t say I didn’t warn you

[gaygay--astronaut]

.

[biblionerd07]

I gotta gush about something from the Residence, the White House murder mystery on Netflix starring Uzo Aduba. (Spoilers ahead but as far as I know they’re spoilers for character backstory but not for the plot of the show, though I’m only on episode 4 so idk if this comes into play later.)

Okay so there is a thing that writers sometimes do when trying to convey backstory to the audience where they have the characters just explain their backstory to someone. But often they are doing this to someone who would already know, like a family member/partner/longtime friend. You know I love my man Taron, but Netflix’s Carry-On did this with his character and his girlfriend multiple times. Like who’s been dating their partner for 2 years and says things like, “You moved here to be with me. That was 2 years ago.” It’s awkward and unnatural because people don’t talk like that to each other. They both already know that! But it’s hard because you want to tell your audience the story.

So, on to the point of this post. The 4th episode of the Residence opens with Cordelia on a birding trip with her nephew, who I think is somewhere in the 10-12-year-old range. He’s discouraged and wants to give up because they can’t find the bird they’re looking for, and Cordelia tells him about not giving up while looking for a lost sock.

She tells her nephew that his mom (her sister) had a favorite pair of socks as a child. She’d wear these socks every other day, even if they were dirty. Her nephew asks what was so special about the socks and Cordelia says, “They were a gift from her brother.” Her nephew’s face gets serious. Cordelia goes on to talk about how distraught her sister was when one of the socks was lost. She wanted to skip school to find it. She cried. Cordelia promised to find it and skipped school to look for it. She says, “I even looked in places I wasn’t supposed to look” and we see a closed door that a child-Cordelia opens to reveal a boy’s bedroom in an obviously untouched state. At one point in the story she mentions a neighbor bringing food by for the family even after her dad didn’t want the neighbor to do that anymore.

Neither Cordelia nor her nephew ever say the brother died. Because they don’t need to. In real life, you don’t need to remind your 10-year-old nephew about your brother who died. He knows, and he’s not a younger kid who would blurt it out just because he knows it. Instead of going for the unnatural “let me talk at you so we get character backstory through dialogue”, the show gave us the hints we needed and trusted us to put the pieces together ourselves.

We still get the backstory they wanted to tell us, but it doesn’t stand out as a weird conversation between family members. It’s so much more natural and I’ve been thinking about it all day because it was so refreshing. I feel like so. many. shows these days spoon-feed the audience every single detail and it leaves the dialogue feeling awkward. It was so nice to have a show say “here, you’ve been alive long enough that you can understand what we’re saying.” And we can! It was not particularly subtle, despite never actually saying the words. It was just really good!

[alaskan-wallflower]

Brody showed up to work this week! OMG!!! Does he want a medal?? Josh Boone has a CHILD and he’s in more than Brody.

And I know you’re going to use the shitty excuse “he’s been in a lot!!!” but that’s bullshit. Why are we praising an adult man for showing up to work.

why do you care? why are you bitching about him being absent? and i know you’re gonna use the shitty excuse “Oh BuT hE HaSnT bEeN iN!” but like…he has been? this message is confusing lmfao do you want him to be in or not? you’re insinuating both. make your intentions clear.

im saying its nice that he’s in more is all. if you don’t like what i post or what i say on MY blog mind you then block me.

also i think you should come off anon and talk to me face to face but whatever. be a coward and use the mask of anonymity to hide who you are. i find it funny all these people who are anti outsiders or anti brody choose to stay on anon. like say it to my face. if i can answer you without anonymity have the decency to say this kind of thing to my face.

and btw i’m not praising him for “going to work” im saying it’s nice that he’s in more and seems to be enjoying his job again. and why do his absence matter so much to you? why does it bother you so much that he’s out and that i post about it being a good thing that someone seems to be finally having fun at their job after a rough patch?don’t put words in my mouth.

so cry about it and block me if you’d not like my content. thank you!

(just figured i’d mention by the way that i’m not saying that if you dislike brody you’re automatically on my shit list. everyone is entitled to their own opinions. everyone is allowed to think whatever they want AS LONG AS IT ISNT HURTING ANYONE. but i do think it’s funny how im the one everyone sends anonymous brody hate to like some of the things you anti brody people say about him are WILD. so yes. i will defend him in the reason that nobody should be bitching about his absences or saying rude things, but i absolutely don’t want it to seem like i’m saying that you HAVE to like him. You don’t have to like him but it’s possible to not like him without being a huge jerk to him or anyone who supports him.)

[scoups4lyfe]

Howdy scoups, how have you been?

-SS 🤡

SS!!!! Long time no see mon ami!!

I’ve been—okay.

That sounds depressing, but I’m not doing bad, I’m just unmedicated and job hunting.

Ever since I moved to this new state back in September of 2023, I’ve had a hard time working on my creative projects and things that bring me joy.

I’m stuck in purgatory, where I’m without meds and therefore trapped in an inability to do the things I want to do. I can’t write. I can’t draw.

I can’t liveblog.

Recently, I started writing a short story for a writing contest. The max word count was 5,000 words. On a good day I can write 3,000.

I did not have a good day.

I could barely force myself to write 100 words. Then I spent three days unable to write anything at all. I had to drink until I was drunk because for some reason when I’m inebriated I’m able to write. That night I wrote 1,400 words.

The next day I couldn’t write more than 30 words.

I was so frustrated I almost burst into tears.

I follow a lot of tokusatsu liveblogs. I see glimpses of Kamen Rider Gotchard, and the currently airing sentai and there is nothing I would rather do than watch it myself.

But. I can’t.

I can’t because I’ve grown to enjoy live-blogging as I watch tokusatsu. But I don’t have the needed energy to live-blog. So I can’t.

And that’s so upsetting to me.

Now—on a brighter note: 🤠

It’s not that I’ve been doing nothing.

I got re-obsessed with Thai BL drama KinnPorsche and it’s literally all I’ve been able to think about 🫠😫.

Started writing a VegasPete soulmate fanfic 🤡😔…

I’m also obsessed with Interview with the Vampire, the finale episode just finished airing like a day and a half ago. It’s sooooo fxKing GOOD!!!

Also.

I just finished painting something >:))

[live-laugh-obsess]

happy Things Are Happening Thursday. very glad to be alive and experiencing Things

[sodacowboy]

using a puff quilt made from flannel as a mattress topper because your mattress is a piece of shit in a room that regularly gets in the 75-85 range in the spring even with the window open is not an ideal solution if I’m being completely honest

[sab-teraa]

with the problems in ur country, are u moving out?. where to?.

Babes, one thing about me? No DNA! Just RSA!

[astonmartinii]

how'd he pull that off then? | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem alternative! reader

google: how to charm max verstappen's crazy bff while being a loveable loser?

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

maxverstappen1

liked by liamlawson30, landonorris and 1,340,209 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: if only you could see just how rare she had her steak, damn vampire

view all comments

user1: category is random pairings

user2: i need the detailed play by play of how these two ended up friends

user3: i just know it’s gonna be something stupid

yourusername: being twitter mutuals is NOT stupid

user4: what did yall have in common though

yourusername: just because i’m a bit alternative i can’t be on f1twt, baby how do you explain valentino rossi?

user5: so who is taking one for the team and wifing her so we can get alt f1 for races other than zandvoort

landonorris: MEEEEEEE

landonorris: who said that?

landonorris: that’s crazy my cat took my phone and posted that comment

maxverstappen1: cats don’t have thumbs

landonorris: mine is super smart

maxverstappen1: you don’t have a cat

landonorris: one of yours broke in?

yourusername: you can say you like me lando i’m not gonna bite

oscarpiastri: don’t threaten him with a good time

user6: i’m sorry private school ass somerset quater zip fuckboy is gonna pull thee Y/N Y/LN

user7: i’ll believe it when i see it

yourusername: max i swear to god you gotta post the pic with the eyeliner

yourusername: we need the cool girls to like you

yourusername: there’s no cool girl representation in formula one anymore - come back kimi raikkonen the kids miss you (oscar you are cool though)

landonorris: actually there’s a new rule that if you compliment one of the papaya boys you have to compliment the other…. please

yourusername: you look like you’d fit in my pocket

yourusername: keep your car away from max this season and there’s more where that came from

landonorris: thank you!

alexalbon: good lord

yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 198,450 others

yourusername: first ever nepotism friend

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user8: lando norris gonna make an all black quadrant collection as an excuse to get y/n in his clothes

landonorris: the problem is i want her out of my clothes, well out of all clothes really

user9: perv

landonorris: nuh uh

user10: no like literally ur so creepy

landonorris: @user10 i literally saw you in my comments saying that you’d bounce on it crazy style until i’ve literally reshaped your large intestine

user10: will you?

yourusername: he won’t

user11: are they flirting by proxy?

user12: shut up i wanna see how far they can take it

user13: @maxverstappen1 in your professional opinion, does lando have a chance

maxverstappen1: everyone has a chance with y/n, she has horrible standards. why do you think she’s friends with me?

yourusername: max?

maxverstappen1: oh yeah :( i’m sorry for talking down on myself. i am worthy and i deserve love

yourusername: good!

user14: poor girl is gentle parenting everyone in her life LMAO

francocolapinto: woweee

landonorris: am i a joke to you?

francocolapinto: not a joke, but not competition

yourusername: oh those are fighting words

francocolapinto: i gotta believe my hype

yourusername: delusion is not pretty

yourusername: @landonorris you’re pretty

landonorris: hehehehehehe

user15: my spidey senses are tingling… she is being way too nice to him

user16: i know she looks scary but by all accounts she very nice

user17: i’m not convinced there’s nothing there

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63 and 1,678,378 others

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landonorris: i am sick and tired of you people not believing that y/n would be with me

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user18: sorry buddy but look at her

user19: she looks like she makes him cry often

user20: he seems like he’s into that

landonorris: kinkshaming me, on my own post?

user21: bro just told on himself

yourusername: so what happened to the dramatic post-win parc ferme kiss?

landonorris: THEY WERE DOUBTING ME

yourusername: but i never doubted you

yourusername: so who cares?

landonorris: …. me

yourusername: well you’re my pretty boy and no one else’s so fuck them

landonorris: yes ma’am

maxverstappen1: keep that to yourselves please

yourusername: sorry maxy

maxverstappen1: he’s lucky i even let him ask you out

landonorris: she is her own person?

maxverstappen1: it wasn't in her best interests but i was feeling nice

maxverstappen1: DON’T make me regret it

oscarpiastri: oh thank god

oscarpiastri: i thought he was writing sonnets about you while single and was seriously close to getting him institutionalised

yourusername: eh i like em a lil whacky

oscarpiastri: a LITTLE?

landonorris: i don’t like your tone

oscarpiastri: spare me i’ve listened to you talk about that girl at LENGTH

user22: free my guy oscar

user23: free all of mclaren by the sounds of it

yourusername

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tagged: landonorris

yourusername: he’d make the perfect art donaldson, but no challengers because i don’t share

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user24: PLEASE GIVE ME ONE CHANCE

user25: boys hate lando because he’s got a fast car, men hate lando because he won the lottery with his girlfriend

user26: bad bitches do both

landonorris: who is art?

yourusername: we literally watched the film last night?

landonorris: oh? tennis?

landonorris: idk i kinda lost interest when the boys stopped kissing?

yourusername: what the fuck is in the paddock water? yall are all a lil fruity

landonorris: i thought you liked that about me?

yourusername: oh i love that about you

yourusername: but this is the second time i have had an f1 driver say they lost interest in challengers when it stopped being overtly gay ?

user27: y/n just out here snitching on the grid

user28: f1 challengers when?

user29: grill the grid but galex recreate the art/patrick scene?

alexalbon: first of all, flattered. second of all, why is and not lestappen?

georgerussell63: why on earth are you entertaining this?

alexalbon: don’t be boring george

user29: lestappen don’t need to be told to make out duh

charles_leclerc: excuse me?

maxverstappen1: i wanna ask questions but i fear it might provoke them more

landonorris: this is meant to be a post about how my girlfriend loves me, why are we talking about you people

alexalbon: you finally got the girl to like you and now you feel untouchable… watch your back

yourusername: ONLY ONE PERSON GETS TO WATCH THAT BACK SIR AND THAT’S ME

landonorris: exactly!

user30: you know what? i think i prefer the insanity on twitter to whatever this is

user31: ao3 is more realistic than whatever is going on here

oscarpiastri

liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 893,209 others

tagged: landonorris & yourusername

oscarpiastri: very happy for you guys, never stay in the room next me to ever again.

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user32: I’LL STAY

user33: bro they gotta neuter everyone under every post of y/n yall are rabid

user34: i know i can treat her better than him

user35: he cannot handle all that

oscarpiastri: unfortunately, the noises would suggest he can

landonorris: omg you’re such a looker? listener?

landonorris: @yourusername what is the word?

yourusername: voyeuristic?

landonorris: yeah @oscarpiastri you’re that

oscarpiastri: not by choice last night, and i did not get off to it i just deafened myself via asmr to try and fall asleep during the … ruckus

user36: petition to remove lando from that relationship and replace him with ME

user37: put me in coach

maxverstappen1: welcome to my world, osc. you get used to it (i’ll send you my headphone recommendations)

yourusername: it is not that bad

maxverstappen1: it took me six months to find the headphones that would drown you out

oscarpiastri: hold up

oscarpiastri: SIX MONTHS

yourusername: we’ve been together for nearly a year genius

oscarpiastri: WHAT

landonorris: like we said … we wanted a parc ferme kiss reveal but SOMEONE kept missing the few races i managed to win

yourusername: i was at zandvoort, but unfortunately my loyalties on that day were with max

landonorris: i don’t understand why i was made to apologise to YOU about simply lovely

yourusername: you enjoyed it though?

maxverstappen1: do not include me in this

yourusername: i was defending your honour?

maxverstappen1: and stripping lando of his

landonorris: maybe?!

user38: i know way too much about these people

user39: crazy… they should keep going though

landonorris: for a man also in love, you’re sounding bitter osc

oscarpiastri: i am in love, but i am also traumatised

yourusername: drama queen

yourusername: love you too lando

landonorris: <33333

fin.

note: thought i'd bang one out before i tackle a certain final part of a certain series *cough cough* guilty as sin? heheheehe ... enjoy this while you wait! also lando is a villain in other side of the moon, so had to give him some love in between x

[bernardsbendystraws]

[ I made this like 4 pages. I apologize lmao. Read at your own discretion. Violence involved but nothing like really vulgar. This is NOT proofread. ]

You wanted your skin to peel off your bones. That’s how uncomfortable you felt. It wasn’t your typical Saturday night, this was way past your comfort zone. 

“I’m gonna say hi to a couple people and we’ll leave soon, alright? Can you just stick with these girls for a couple minutes?” Matt asks.

He didn’t even wanna be here. But for some reason, it was practically a requirement. Not really, but he was tired of people on social media accusing you for his lack of presence in parties and events. They twisted that picture to make it seem like you were the villain. Matt knew it stressed you out. It seemed like a good compromise. 

“Yeah, just…be quick. Please,” you mutter. 

Matts nods, pressing a swift kiss to your temple before walking off. He doesn’t wanna be here anymore than you. You can tell by the way he pulls Chris and Nick subtly that he’s trying to make this as quick as possible. 

A couple minutes pass and you can’t help but feel a bit uneasy. These girls have been chill, but a little too chill. Honestly—you’re not sure if even one of them will remember a single sentence when they wake up tomorrow. 

Your nerves peak when you feel a slight brush on your arm as someone stands next to you. It’s a man—the same guy who had been handing out little bags of gummies and powder all night. 

“Hey, noticed you’re lookin’ a little to…” he looks up and down, making you tense and cross your arms tighter against your chest. “---yeah, too uptight. Here,” he nudges your arms with a closed fist, but you simply shake your head from side to side. 

“Not interested but thanks.” 

The slight rim of red clouding his eyes becomes more visible as he stares down at you. Anxiety seems to still as you revel in this feeling—pure adrenalin. Almost as if your body knows something is wrong. 

“Oh, come on. Won’t hurt ya, just try some.” He’s unrelenting. You simply mutter no under your breath as your eyes scan around you. 

It’s only these girls and you. The girls who can’t even keep their eyes staring in one direction for more than a second. Everyone had piled inside, wanting to be as close to the screaming bass of music as possible. 

You’re fucked. 

“Look, I…I’m not interested, okay? I,” 

Panic shrivels through your veins as you watch him open his hand, revealing a pill. It’s not one you’ve ever seen before. But, you don’t have much time to process anything before he starts lifting it towards your mouth, his other hand scooping underneath your jaw.

“Live a little, damn—so fuckin’ bitchy. This will help you, trust—”

The man lets out a hiss as you swat his hands away. “I don’t want your stupid pills. Just—just leave me alone, okay?” you announce. 

Substances seem to have consumed everyone within your radius. Those girls are just…gone. You feel bad leaving them, but the second you see him start to lean down to pick up the pill, you quickly walk inside the booming house. 

The silence from your adrenalin is gone. Sweaty bodies rub up against you as you try to swerve through and find the familiar head of brown hair. 

You try to stand on your tippy toes to get a better look. But, that’s a mistake. You feel an arm crawl around your hips from behind, pulling you into a hard chest. 

“Dude! Let—go!” you huff, attempting to rattle the man's hold on you. 

Eventually, his grip loosens, but only to shift and grab your wrist instead. “What the fuck is your problem?” he spit, his words slurring. 

Frustration builds in your chest, panic makes your limbs feel like feathers as bodies push and pull around you. It’s an overwhelming wave of madness. 

“Just—fucking hell, can you just stop?” you screech, trying to individually peel his fingers from around your wrist. 

You can’t tell if it hurts. There’s so many noises, so many sensations. You can’t even hear your own thoughts except for the racing mantra screaming danger. 

It’s just then you see the small glimmer of familiar rings only a couple people away from you. Matt. You try to yell out his name, but it just isn’t enough. He can’t hear you. If only he’d turn around. 

“Tell me. What’s your issue, huh? You’re at a party. What the fuck do you expect to—” The guy is still spitting in your face. Adrenal and fury shift to instinct. You want to get away, you want his hands off. 

Biting on the side of your cheek, you let your leg swing up to kick him right in the groin. His grip immediately falters. You squish through people as fast as possible, hearing a slur of insults from behind you. 

If this doesn’t work, you’re truly fucked. 

Your fingers clasp onto Matt’s shoulder desperately. Almost instantly recognizing your touch, Matt turns his head to see you, swiftly pulling you to him by shoving another person out of the way. 

“Hey, I thought you were gonna wait with those girls—what’re you—” 

Matt is confused to say the least. You’re never one for PDA, but right now—you don’t care about anything besides avoiding the man trying to catch you and screaming sentences of ‘where’s that bitch,’ over and over again. 

“Just hide me.” 

Squinting his eyes, Matt obeys. You stand in front of him. You’re shielded from the angry eyes as you hear the man stomp past the small group. 

A breath of relief finally escapes your lips as you let yourself relax the smallest bit onto Matt. 

“What….what happened, doll?” he asks into your ear. 

You don’t even know where to start. 

A shake of your head lets Matt know to ask later, but as of right now—he knows. It’s time to leave. He doesn’t have to know it all, he just wants to protect you. 

__________

The car ride home was deadly silent. Chris and Nick were confused at the anxious energy radiating in the car, but no explanations were left for them. Matt had immediately pulled you into his room, closing the door for privacy before giving you that look. 

“Sweetheart, should I—should I be worried? What even happened?” 

Rushed words are still numb. Honestly, even a couple of laughs peel from your lips as you explain everything. It doesn’t feel like it actually happened. But it did. 

“I…are you okay? I’m so sorry I left, I thought it would be safer out there with those girls than inside in that fuckin’ chaos. You….” he trails off, unsure. 

You’re quick to confirm you’re okay. It could’ve ended so much worse. 

Matt isn’t entirely convinced. It’s a little later when you're both showering together when he sees the red mark around your wrist, along with a couple scratches from your own nails when you were trying to peel that man's hand off. 

He lets out a heavy breath while lightly massaging suds onto the area and rinsing it off carefully. Matt looks up at you with sympathetic eyes, letting them close as he presses his lips right above the wounded skin. 

“I’m sorry, doll.” 

It makes it feel a little heavier seeing the mark and seeing just how saddened his own eyes look. But, it’s okay. You’re here, you’re safe. 

“We’re never going to a party again.”  The way he emphasizes his words makes your heart flutter. Relief floods your system as you look forward to a normal night tomorrow—a cozy, sunday night. Just how you both like it.

[miley1442111]

the problem with arguing

a/n: Hi, this is my first story, any constructive criticism is welcomed. This had not been properly edited nor read through because icba lmao :) also I wrote it for a fem!reader but I don't think there's much mention other than Jack calling reader 'mom' so... yeah :)

pairings: aaron hotchner x reader, platonic BAUteam x reader, motherly(If that's a word?)reader x teen!jack hotchner

summary: aaron and you are in a fight, but what happens when a meeting with a witness goes south?

warnings: criminal minds levels of violence, angst, fluff, couple fighting, reader in distress, reader getting injured, mentions of knives, mentions of being stabbed, mentions of being tied up, mentions of hospitals, mentions of killing, mentions of general injury, mentions of guns/shooting, minimal use of y/n.

1.6k + words.

“We’re here, we’ll update you if anything comes of it,” Morgan promises Hotch over the phone as we walk to the front porch of one of our witnesses. Something about his story is messed up and we were the unlucky ones who had to go talk to him. It’s a pretty house I guess, a little expensive for what a 26 year old man could afford, and what he would want to buy. It’s all fifties style, the entire estate is. Big-enough bungalows with pastel walls and inviting doors with a small porch, just enough for the entry-way and a chair. I knock on the door, exhausted from the past 72 hours. Aaron and I got in a fight before we got to Ohio, it was unnecessary, but we fought all the same. He was mad at me for giving Jack advice that led to a fight between them. I just wanted to kiss and make up 3 days ago but he won’t budge. Maybe it’s because he knows I’m right and doesn’t want to confront it or maybe it’s because I took it too far and overstepped. Jack calls me ‘mom’, I live with him, and Jack came to me for support, he wanted guidance and I gave him it. He was mad at his dad because he missed meeting his girlfriend. His girlfriend, Ava, was a lovely girl, I had been the one there when Jack brought her over for dinner, I was the one trying to suss out if they actually liked each other, and I was the one Jack sat down with for 2 hours after and told everything about her to. All because Aaron was too busy with paperwork in his study. Jack was hurt, which is difficult to do because he’s such an understanding 16 year-old boy. It was also hard because I saw both sides. I’ll be the first to admit that what Aaron did was wrong, but our job is hard and demanding, especially his since he’s the leader of our team… But Jack just wanted 2 hours of his time, not even, just a dinner. A dinner to meet his girlfriend, and Aaron still couldn’t make it. 

I knock again as I huff. 

“Everything alright?” Morgan asks, the regular playful glint in his eye. 

“Tired, mad, over this job. You?” I sigh. 

“Sounds about right,” He chuckles. “How’s Jack doing?” 

A smile spreads across my face. “He has a girlfriend,” Morgan’s face lights up in a smile. 

“My man,” He smirks and I chuckle. “You two met her yet?” 

My face drops again. “I have, Aaron… couldn’t make it to the dinner though. She’s lovely, perfect for Jack. It's so funny, it’s just opposites attract. Jack is so sporty and outspoken and she’s one of the quieter, more into her studies kind of person.” 

The door swings open and we’re met with David, our witness. 

“You two know what time it is?” He yawns. 

“Oh trust us, we know,” Morgan sighs. “Can we ask you a few more questions?” 

“It’s 10pm at night? Can’t this wait ‘till the morning?”

“It’ll only take a few minutes,” I reassure. 

He looks between us for a moment, then sighs. “Quickly.”

We walk inside and are immediately hit with an awful smell. I know that smell. That’s when I see it, a body.

And that’s when it all goes black. 

I wake up in a new room, tied to a chair. I don’t see Derrick anywhere. I don’t see David anywhere. I’m all alone in this grey room. I don’t see a door but I notice a camera, and a screen in front of me. I see Penelope on the screen, then a sign above it with “Don’t make noise” scribbled. I look to my left and see a plastic window, I see Morgan through it, tied up too. He sees me. 

“Y/n? Y/n?! Where are you?” Penelope squeals. I shake my head and she picks up her phone and tries calling mine, it rings and I feel something go into my side. I scream out in pain as I see the blood start trickling out of me. Penelope drops her phone, then picks it up, dialling someone else’s number. 

I get switched to a joint call with Penelope, and the rest of the team, excluding Aaron. 

“Y/n?” Spencer asks and I nod, sobbing in pain. Spencer runs off-screen, leaving Jj and Emily to stare in horror at me.

Spencer comes back with Aaron and we make eye-contact through the screen, and he starts breaking. He’s shouting orders at the policemen in the precinct, he’s shouting orders at the team, and he’s trying not to cry. I know that. I also know I’m the only one who knows that. He hides it pretty well but not from me, not after all of our years together. His eyes squint, his eyebrows furrow more than usual, he starts biting at the skin around his nails. 

“We’re coming to find you. We will find you,” he promises me. I nod slowly as the pain in my side becomes unbearable as the knife is pulled out. 

“Is Morgan with you?” Emily asks and I nod as I bite my lip until it bleeds to stop myself from making too much noise. 

“Is he in the room with you?” Spencer asks. 

I shake my head no. After what feels like an eternity of yes or no questions, they think they’ve located us.I hear banging on the door and then it opens. Spencer is standing there with an entire Swat team behind him. I shake my head to tell them to not make noise but they talk anyway and another knife is put into my leg, I don’t have the strength to stay quiet this time and another finds its way into my arm. I pass out. 

I wake up in a hospital bed, an IV in my arm, Aaron on one side and Jack on the other. Aaron’s asleep in a chair on my left, I grimace, knowing his back will hurt. 

“Mom?!” Jack exclaims as he sees me open my eyes. “Mom!” His eyes fill with tears as he gets up and wraps his arms around me on the bed. 

“Jack,” I sigh in relief. 

“You’re okay! You’re awake!” He smiles brightly, happy that I’m alive. 

Aaron wakes up from the commotion and rushes to my side. “Honey?” He takes my hand and squeezes. “You’re okay.”

I smile at both of them. 

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Jack smiles and he rushes off to find a doctor. 

“Honey I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have-” He starts but I cut him off. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he sighs, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Don’t go all soft now Aaron,” I joke. 

“You make me soft,” He smiles and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. 

Jack comes back in with a doctor. She tells me that I lost a lot of blood and that I will be out of the field for a few months, with 2 weeks of mandatory bedrest, then 4 weeks of physical therapy. 

The next day, the team come in to visit. 

“Hey,” Spencer smiles, walking in first. I’ve always been close to Spencer, he’s always felt like a little brother to me. 

“Hey,” I smile and wince when I hug him, but I know it’s worth it. The rest of the team filter in, smiles on their faces.“So what happened after I went out?”

“Well, they got me, no injuries apart from a concussion,” Morgan says. 

“We got the guy-” Emily starts.

“Aaron got the guy,” Spencer interrupts. “He saw him and just shot him-”

“And then he beat the crap out of him,” Jj says. “It was pretty intense.”

I nod along as they tell me the story, and then we just talk about whatever until Aaron comes in and says visiting hours are over. Spencer leaves me a few more books to read and Jj brings Jack to Ava’s house for the night. Aaron walks in with my dinner on a tray. 

“Hungry?” He smiles. 

“You shot someone for me?” I ask as he places my tray down.

“Yes.”

I roll my eyes and smile at him. “Is he alive?”

“No.” 

My face drops. “Oh.” 

“It was the combined bleeding and head trauma that killed him.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I did.” 

I look at my food. “I understand you wanted to protect me-”

“I did that because he doesn’t get to live after doing this to you. Honey, you and Jack are the most important people in my life and I would do anything if it meant that you were safe and sound. Do you want to know how it felt to have what could’ve been my last words to you be ‘stop bothering me’? I was an asshole to you over the Jack situation because I knew you were right. I knew it wasn’t fair to not go to dinner when I was in the house. I knew it was important and it just felt too real. It felt like he was growing up and I just couldn’t take it because I missed so much of his childhood! So I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry that I said everything I said and did what I did, but I am not sorry about hurting that fucking monster,” He takes a deep breath. “Now eat up, it’ll go cold.”

“I love you Aaron, it’s ok. It wasn’t your fault, being a parents is hard.” 

His eyes fill with tears and he looks at me like an injured puppy. 

“Come here,” I smile and move over, allowing room for him to sit with me. He climbs into bed beside me and wraps his arms around me, being careful of my wounds. 

“I love you,” he whispers as I slowly eat my food. 

“I love you too.”

[aardvaark]

people in the Leverage Crime World often know the team members names - like, we’ve seen the shock/awe/fear reaction to eliot using his full name, and many times we’ve heard people say "parker? THE parker?". so i wonder what tara knew or thought about them when sophie asked her to fill in lol… "okay so you want me to basically babysit a guy who used to try to catch us, an infamous killer, a guy with computer skills i can’t even comprehend, and the worlds best and most terrifying thief? yeah, great, no problem, i definitely won’t get myself killed! jfc" lmao

[piastrisun]

now i wonder why.

─────⠀ don’t smile series: part two.

pairings: lando norris + singer female character.

summary: after six months is too late to talk? or can it finally be fixed?

faceclaim: sabrina carpenter.⠀warning: none.

notes: officially turning this into a short series because i’m too invested to just leave it in two parts. i hope you enjoy it!!!! and sorry for taking too long on this.

previous part ⠀ ⠀series masterlist ⠀ ⠀next part

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: WHITNEY.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

LANDO’S CHATS: MAX FEWTRELL.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

marlene added to their story.

replies to your story

username playing clairo? yeah you’re spiralling

chappellroan you look too pretty to be this sad

marlene LMAO I LOVE YOU

marlene i’ll get over it promise

chappellroan you won’t

marlene shhhhh i’m trying to get it together

username2 this better not be a sad album i’m not strong enough

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: MAX FEWTRELL.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

landonorris added to their story.

replies to your story

username men will literally drive at 300km/h instead of going to therapy

georgerussell63 you’re not subtle at all

landonorris that’s the point

username2 YOU are the problem and YOU are the solution. fix it!!!!!

keeganpalmer just call her bro

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: WHITNEY.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

liked by username, keeganpalmer and others

landonorris thinking too much

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username about your ex? 😭😭

username2 i am thinking things and none of them should be shared on this app

username3 is this a bad time to say #needthat

username4 this is killing me

maxfewtrell i swear i’m deleting your account

username5 RUN LANDO RUNNNN

username6 ln4 lover first, human second

username7 at least the breakup is getting us FED

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

LANDO’S CHATS: ALEX ALBON.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

liked by tyla, username and others

marlene got diagnosed with severe melancholy so i had to leave the country to reconnect with nature

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clairo 🩷🩷

username i’m drooling

username2 wowowowow

coreyfogelmanis dream come true

username3 SHUT UPPPP they mean so much to me

whitneypeak YOU LEFT THE COUNTRY???? CALL ME WHEN U WAKE UP

marlene good morning to you too gorgeous 🤍

username4 she didn’t even tell her bff she took a flight to the other side of the world lmao

username5 she’s the most beautiful girl in the world but she has to do something silly every five minutes or she’ll die

username6 blondie of my life

milomanheim 😍

username7 okay girl we see you

username8 no we don’t. GET OUTTTTTT

username9 talk to him already ♥︎ liked by author

username9 SHE LIKED THIS

username8 just fell at my knees

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: MAX FEWTRELL.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: WHITNEY.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

liked by marlene, oscarpiastri and others

lando.jpg 🖤

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username he remembered the password and FOR WHAT 😭😭

username2 he can’t even pretend he’s happy anymore

username3 fr this is NOT the same guy who was acting like he was fine a few months ago

username4 are we gonna acknowledge the second picture bc…

username RIGHT those are literally marley’s ☹️

username5 why am i so invested in this

username6 am i the only one who feels like marlene’s been ignoring this man? like come on, he’s laying it out for her

username7 she liked this so i wouldn’t be so sure about that

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: WHITNEY.

─── ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ───

MARLENE’S CHATS: LANDO.

©⠀piastrisun original work. please don’t translate, claim or repost any of my writing, 25’.

[smoft-demons]

Hey, I've been reading your post for a while now andi absolutely love them. Before I got into OM I was already a big D&D person and love fantesty-romance novels. Although, that's besides the point. I was genuinely scared to ask this until I saw your headcanons, there so wholesome<3

But I was wondering if you could do a brothers + the others react to MC getting there period? I was planning on doing it on my own page but I'm a bit scared to publish my own stuff. Although, thank you if you do.

-H.M

Yeah, sure! As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I love writing all the comfort and fluff prompts. It’s like catnip to me lmao

This is gonna be pretty long, so I’m only gonna do the brothers.

Thanks for requesting!! I hope you like it :)

_______

MC is on their period

_______

You’ve been living in the House of Lamentation for a while now. You are, at this point, thoroughly and inextricably part of the family.

As a member of their family, your demons have no problem with helping you out. They can’t help but fawn over you a bit, as well—this wasn’t a familiar problem to them before meeting you, as none of them menstruate. Plus, any human condition of yours that highlights vulnerability and pain on your part makes them all get a tad protective.

In any case, they make sure to be helpful!

_______

Lucifer: responsibility -> rest

With your permission, Lucifer notes your cycle on the calendar he keeps on the kitchen wall. Tactfully, of course. It’s just a little red X in the corner of the box that marks the day you start until the day it ends. It ensures no one in the house forgets to be extra nice to you on those days. Plus, it serves as a way to remind you, in case it sneaks up on you.

In the week leading up to it, he checks up on your stock of human world products (and devildom ones too) for it. Painkillers, chocolate, tea, hygiene products, a heating pad, everything. If you’re running low, he will either take you to get more or take care of it himself, depending on how you’re feeling.

If you’re irregular, he takes extra care with tracking your cycle. Having records is important!

He takes you off the chore rotation while you’re bleeding. He wants you to rest. He will not make you expend your energy on chores while you’re in pain.

If you WANT to take some chores though, he understands and will let you, as long as you don’t make yourself suffer unnecessarily. He understands that some people cope worse with stress, illness, and/or pain when their routine is interrupted and they have no task to distract themself with. He would know! He’s one of them! So if you are too, he won’t force you to give up your tasks.

He does very strictly instruct you not to push yourself, however. You are to let him know immediately if you need to stop, so he or one of his brothers can help you out.

If you want somewhere quiet to hide, he’s got you. His study is a great spot for that! He won’t let anyone else in.

His room is another great spot for that, if you want a softer surface and dimmer lighting. You’re allowed to be in there without him if that ends up working out best (and he hopes you understand the level of trust in you he’s displaying by allowing that), but he has no problem with bringing his work out of the study and into his room if you want his company.

If he’s not on a time crunch, he won’t bother bringing any work with him though. Unless he has reason to expect you to feel guilty for taking up his time, in which case he will bring some and finish it in the room with you and then tell you he’s done for the day.

You end up lying on his bed with him, contorted in whatever weird position makes your cramps hurt the least. It’s the middle of the day, but for once Lucifer doesn’t seem to mind. He’s just lying next to you with his hand splayed over your uterus or lower back, applying light pressure and warmth to help the pain go away. Quietly talking to you about stuff that doesn’t matter.

There’s no concern for productivity. Nor for terrorizing his brothers into order. It seems the key for making Lucifer take a day to just relax is to request his company while you’re in pain.

See, Lucifer’s driving force is how much he loves his family. He will go to ANY lengths to keep them safe and happy. It’s his main priority. You’re part of his family now. You’re the youngest, even… and you’re in pain. So, he’s okay with pushing off the work Diavolo gives him for a day. For you, it’s worth it.

There’s no paperwork in any realm that he would prioritize over comforting you when you’re in pain. He hopes you feel all the love in that sentiment.

You know how huge a declaration that action is, because there is NO other way to get Lucifer to voluntarily lie around in the middle of the day.

_______

Mammon: devotion -> generosity

Mammon was the first one you went to for help during your very first period in the Devildom.

After a short, frantic conversation about what happened to you, why, and how you normally deal with this, he set you up in his room with some towels, a spare set of his own comfortably worn in clothes, and a movie as he rushed out to find some Devildom substitute for the hygiene products you’re used to. Just, SOMETHING to absorb the blood in the meantime before he can get you products from the human world!

He would have gone to the human world immediately, but he’s not allowed and he doesn’t have time to talk Lucifer into letting him up there yet!! You have NOTHING to work with right now, he’s gotta figure something out ASAP!

He didn’t even think about the amount of money he’s willing to spend, or how else he could be using it. He may not have been willing to tell you how much he cares for you at that point, but he has always come through for you when it matters. Even in the early days.

You find yourself contemplating Mammon’s contrasting demeanour while he’s out. This isn’t the first demonstration of his responsible mode that you’ve seen. It’s fascinating, the way he acts so careless and tsundere until someone needs him—at which point he drops that image like it’s nothing, revealing the softhearted and protective big brother he really is.

In those moments, you can see in his personality that he helped raise 5 little brothers (and one Lilith, though you don’t learn about her until later) and is actually pretty damn good at it. It’s clear that he loves you more than he’s willing to admit in those rare moments, when showing it genuinely matters.

Anyway. He came home with an assortment of items for you. No medicine yet because he doesn’t trust that Devildom painkillers won’t harm you, but he brought a BUNCH of snacks, and a collection of things that can be used to absorb the blood for now, until he can get Lucifer to let him go get the stuff you normally use from the human world. You can take your pick.

He even commissioned an enchanter to make you a custom heating pad, because he doesn’t trust the ones meant for demons to not burn your skin. He didn’t think about the price. Frankly, he doesn’t care. Maybe he’ll remember to complain about it to save face later. Maybe.

His main concern—making sure you’re okay—left no room to think of that in that moment. He waves off your concern about bloodstains on the stuff he lent you before he went out. Being reassuring in his usual irreverent way, saying something about how he’s a demon, and demons don’t tend to be squeamish about blood. Hell if he cares, he says.

While you’re in the bathroom washing up and dealing with the bleeding (with a SECOND set of Mammon’s worn-in, comfy clothes that he put in your hands before shoving you into the bathroom, not giving you a second to refuse), Mammon is texting Lucifer to find a way to get you proper period supplies from the human world.

When you come back to him, he tells you that you’ll have what you need before you go to bed, but in the meantime you should sit, because he’s putting on another movie.

He watches you shift around uncomfortably over the next few minutes. Cramps, you know. You’re not exactly comfortable sitting the way you are. Without a word, he pulls you to lie down with your head resting on his leg. He’s looking away from you, indistinctly mumbling something about “so lucky I’m lookin’ after ya” and “what would ya do without the great Mammon” and “MY human, damn it” as he carefully rubs tension out of your back.

“What was that?” You ask him.

“Shut up an’ watch the damn movie!” He splutters.

You stay like that until Lucifer shows up with your requested items. Pads, tampons, a menstrual cup, painkillers, whatever it is you asked for.

Later that night, as Mammon persists in rubbing your back as another movie plays, you find that your trust in him is stronger than it has ever been before. You understand exactly why Mammon is the best demon to be in charge of your well-being. Lucifer chose him for a reason, and it’s impossible to miss. Mammon is so damn caring under the tsundere façade.

You feel so loved. You ARE so loved. The pain fades away under the warmth of his hands. His lap makes a good pillow, and Mammon makes a great guardian.

(Every month after this, he leaves his door open for you in case you want a distraction from the pain. He’s ready with snacks and a movie. He’ll happily do this for you every time.)

_______

Levi: passion -> gentleness

Whatever it is that Levi notices first—be it the blood, the worse mood, the regular time spent with Mammon every month—he freaks out. He’s like “AAAAWTF WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING ARE YOU DYING???” Or like “oh noooo are you mad at me why are you randomly sad do you hate me now??” Or like “why can’t you reschedule with Mammon and do this time limited event with me, do you not wanna play with me anymore???”

Either way, bro is suffering.

Eventually, either you or one of his older brothers explains to him, and he feels bad. He didn’t mean to stress you out worse! Also, periods are real?? He thought it was just some creative plot point in the occasional anime! That’s crazy, why are humans built like that??

Anyway. Levi’s nothing if not passionate, and he’s gonna turn some of that passion towards finding ways to make you more comfortable.

He will find a way to order all the human world snacks you crave while you’re bleeding. He will be on the lookout for gifts, like games and merch and manga you’d want. He stockpiles them so he always has something ready to cheer you up when you need that.

He will even do his best to redirect the envy he feels towards Mammon and his established routine of movies and snacks in his room with you lying in his lap and getting free back rubs on the first day of your period each month. He wants that to be him, damn it! But he’s not gonna disrupt that for you.

He WILL claim hanging out with you on your day 2 though, AND will fill in every time if Mammon’s not available. The only thing that can beat out his shyness at the idea of having you using his lap as a pillow is the raging envy at knowing MAMMON gets to have that every month!

(Eventually, once you figure out that Levi wants to be invited so bad, you just invite him. It’s not like you don’t want him there! He’s very happy to sit next to you with your legs in his lap while he ignores Mammon’s stupid movie and plays a game on his phone. It’s nice to have two demon pillows. This one’s got built-in cooling!)

Levi understands not wanting to deal with lights and noise and craziness when you’re in pain. He will prevent any of his brothers from bringing any of that around you with all the determination and passion he brings to everything he cares about.

He is remarkably gentle, for someone who is usually so excitable. So considerate! You can see in the way he forces everyone to only argue over text, in the gentle movement of cool, nimble hands over sore calves and hips and ankles, in the presentation of snacks and gifts determinedly brought to you from the human world, how much he cares about you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you.

_______

Satan: research -> comfort

The first order of business for nerd boy here is, of course, research. He is gathering information from all his relevant contacts—every human sorcerer and witch he knows, every demon with a pact-bonded menstruating human they care about AND the aforementioned human, every healer, medical researcher, librarian…

Yeah, he’s gonna end up knowing more about it than you do.

He comes back home after a few days, mumbling about human endocrine systems and nutrition and medical malpractice of menstruating patients and the mechanics of blood production and every phase of a menstrual cycle and how pain works on a chemical level. He’s got notebooks and everything. He’s got the whole history of menstruation since the beginning of humanity summarized in one of those notebooks.

… Maybe it’s a bit overkill. But you know how he gets when he’s curious, especially about something that hurts you! He’s gotta know everything!

So now he’s infodumping to you about every symptom you mention. If you’re the sort of person who finds that interesting and helpful, perfect! If you’re not… well, he won’t be offended if you get mad at him for effectively mansplaining your own body to you. Demon-splaining? Whatever, either way he will take that correction with grace and only tell you information you directly ask for. He’s learned enough about menstruation to be very sympathetic and patient while you’re in the middle of it. It seems awful to him, and he’s not about to make it worse!

He’s wise enough to know that he should ask before ACTING on any of that information though. He won’t try to optimize your nutrition or your painkillers or anything unless you ask him to. He knows that would be too far. He’s not prideful enough to override you like that, he’s not Lucifer.

If you get really angry when you bleed, he’s got you! He understands, he encourages you to yell and rant in front of him all you want. Throw around some destructive spellwork or just break stuff if you need to, he’s got a room for that. It’s all good!

Satan is so good with practical comfort. He’s big on venting for your health and sanity. He knows what buttons not to push, they’re obvious to him as wrath incarnate.

Of course, he’ll also give you hugs and drive off his crazy brothers if you need peace. He’ll bring you to the cats when you get sick of people. He’ll find you any answer you need. If your cycle is irregular or in any way atypical, there’s no better demon to have searching for answers for you—and he’d NEVER let no medical malpractice happen to you. Doctors are GOING to take you seriously, damn it!

To him, there’s no such thing as too much hassle to help someone he loves so much as he loves you.

_______

Asmo: luxury -> selflessness

As the Avatar of Lust, there’s no way Asmo doesn’t know the basics of how menstrual cycles work. No way. Even if demons don’t get them, it’s relevant to his whole domain.

Asmo’s got you. He’s gonna spoil the hell out of you. Massages with fancy oils, hot baths with magic muscle relaxant products added, masks to prevent any skin issues from fluctuating hormones, everything he can think of.

If anyone even tries to make you do anything you don’t want to, he will destroy them. This is a time for rest, he insists!

He relishes any opportunity to relax with you, have a self-care day, just chill and recharge together… but he’s prioritizing you. You get to see the rare responsible Asmo during this time! If you have non-negotiable responsibilities, he’s helping you. He wants you to get done faster!

He’s actually got a pretty great strategic mind when he’s incentivized to use it! He’s so efficient! Only because he wants you to be in his room relaxing as fast as possible, but it’s totally there!

At the end of it all, it’s completely possible that he forgets about spoiling himself too, just because he got so focused on trying to take as much of your pain away as possible. It’s wild that he doesn’t think he has any capacity for selflessness. Good thing you know better.

_______

Beel: perceptiveness -> caring

Beel smells the blood. Immediately. At first he’s concerned but minds his own business, trusting that Mammon’s taking care of you. But after you’ve pacted with him? Not anymore.

Beel becomes your warning system. He will notify you as soon as the hormonal shift starts to happen. Days before you even start bleeding.

You know it’s because he cares, and that he can’t avoid noticing the change in your scent whether he wants to or not. You choose not to think it’s weird.

He gets worried once he learns about what happens to you every month. His first priority is making sure he doesn’t eat everything that’s high in iron, folic acid, vitamin C and D, and omega-3s. All very good for you when you’re on your period. He makes sure that stuff remains available to you.

He invites you to exercise with him too, because he heard that can be helpful. He won’t STOP you from lifting if that’s what you want to do, but HE is choosing to focus on stretching and moderate cardio for now (stuff that should be more helpful for you) and if you want to join him, well… that’s what he’s doing. What do you mean he changed it on purpose? He just felt like yoga and a nice jog today! Don’t think about it too hard!

Beel is actually the best one to go to for massages. Sure, Asmo knows what feels good and he’s phenomenal at that. True. But Beel is the one who understands every muscle and tendon in a body, so if you want a full, functional reset, in which all the tension and soreness in you gets methodically, optimally pressed out, you go to Beel. It might not feel quite as nice—in fact it might hurt a fair bit—but it’ll be so effective. You will have no pain at all after. Plus, he’ll teach you stretches to prevent some of that tension coming back later, too. He’s so helpful.

_______

Belphie: laziness -> service

We all know Belphie is the number one advocate for rest. He will encourage you to sleep through as much of it as possible. Why would you want to be awake to experience pain? Screw that. He will actively keep you asleep as long as possible—unless you tell him in advance that there has to be limits so you don’t bleed on everything you’re touching. Even so, he doesn’t quite see the problem. He’s a demon, he’s not squeamish about blood. What biohazard?

But no, he’ll respect that. If he’s a lil shit about it, all you have to do is pull the “remember that time you killed me” card and he’ll do whatever you want lol

In the biggest twist of irony since The Incident, Belphie actually finds himself serving as your alarm clock. It has to be him, you see, because he insists on sleeping next to you. He wants to be there to ensure you sleep through the night, and don’t ever get woken up by cramps. So it’s gotta be him to wake you up when it’s absolutely necessary. Because you see, he does not trust anyone else to understand what’s absolutely necessary. Only someone who loves sleep as much as him gets it, he insists.

Belphie is nothing if not lazy. Obviously. But… he’s actually voluntarily doing work on your behalf?? He’s concealing bloodstains on your sheets from you so you don’t feel uncomfortable, and washing them for you. He isn’t even telling you about that, so he isn’t even getting any thanks for it! How very kind and un-demonic of him!

(Of course, he’s mostly doing it because he doesn’t want you to feel embarrassed and stop sleeping next to him while you’re on your period. He’s got selfish reasons. But… really, it’s not very selfish at all when you look at how that benefits you too. How could he be so surprised to hear that you think he can be kind and sweet when he wants to be? How’s he not seeing it??)

He may deny that he’s actually a sweetie, but you know the truth. When sloth incarnate is voluntarily doing secret chores for you, you KNOW he loves you. It might as well be spilling out of his soul, it’s so undeniable.

_______

You’re bleeding. It’s miserable. No one likes their period. It’s made much more bearable for you, however, now that you have this ridiculous family falling over themselves to make your life easier. All the pain, all the hormonal fuckery, all the bullshit your body puts you through is… well, actually quite tolerable when you’re loved this much.

[bloodyinkandquill]

Venomshank x Reader who’s immune to his bite

another venomshank request yippee, this will likely be rather short we shall see, OH YEAH, my last one is now outdated due to us now knowing that to fly bro just uses his bird but oh well, ignore that lmao

- The first time you met the deity of decay (hc) was a terrifying moment, you thought you were about to die, after all you had heard the tales of his feral nature, so when you came across him without his mask and green dripping form his mouth you figured you were done for, you’d become a zombie and your life was over

- So when after being bitten nothing happened, you both stared at your arm, that he was still bitten into mind you, for a solid minute straight, it was so shocking that it somehow snapped him out of his feral period at it, he’d never encountered anyone immune to his bite, barring his siblings, he was so confused in fact he let go and bit you again, he hates when he turns people but he just had to make sure he was understanding what was going on

- Once he let go the second time he seemed to sober up fully, whistling and an oddly large bird flying in carrying his mask, he slipped it back on before apologizing to you for biting you, all that combined probably made for the most confusing 2 minutes of your life all things considered

- That led to him wanting to talk to you, he asked you many many questions first revolving around the bite but they then morphed into just questions about yourself instead, he found you fascinating, and not just the being immune to him thing, just in general, he’s met thousands of inphernals before but you were something special, in his eyes at least, and well one conversation one day led to a different another, and next thing you know you’re in a relationship with the deity you thought was about to kill you (if this is bad sue me i’m tired and trying my best)

- As opposed to other mortals Venomshank’s known, you’re the one he’s not had to worry about his greatest fear, he loves his son, and he tells you it very often, but he has a nagging deep dark fear that one day he won’t have his mask on around him and he will loose him, but with you, that isn’t a problem, for once he can have his mask off around a mortal without fear of turning them to an undead creature, it’s a breath of fresh air for him, literally

- Because of this he also feels comfortable enough to jokingly give you little love nibbles, since he knows they can’t hurt you, we’ll turn you into a zombie, they can still hurt if he bites too hard, but it’s nice in his opinion, even if you swat him away because it tickles after a minute or two

- He is far more comfortable kissing you as well, since he knows with his oddly shaped mouth the threat of kissing someone and accidentally grazing them with his canine is a possibility he’s also relieved he can kiss you as much as he wants and it won’t be an issue, you’d think for a centuries old deity he’d be more demure when it comes to affection but he does not care in the slightest, he will be kissing you any opportunity he gets, even if your busy, have your hands full, are asleep, he’s kissing your forehead, hands, neck, lips, cheeks, it’s just such a new experience to him, and he adores it, almost as much as he adores you yourself

- Being the only inphernal to ever taste his feral… saliva? And live to recount it means you’re the only person to ever walk the inphinity and know what it tastes like, the texture is like acid but since you’re immune it almost dulls down into the equivalent of drinking a monster, carbonated and kinda like battery acid, it’s an interesting taste that’s for sure

yup midnight has passed, i’ll update the thing then work on my final request, which will definitely be the longest since it’s uh general x reader hcs… actually on second thought ill work on it in the morning, im tired and have a few things to do tomorrow and i can just add it to the cue after i finish, yeah that’ll work, let me just get everything else ready and then ill go to bed

[b3ach-bunn7]

STEPHANIE

Gojo is your physics tutor and you’re sort of in love with him

Textfic, fluff, Highschool!au

(art Creds to @/eldritcheaven on twitter!)

—————————————————————————-

September 16th

5:38 pm

You: hiyaaa :D

You: is this Gojos number? Shoko says u can tutor me 😙

Gojo: whats the tutoring for

You: uh school?

Gojo: I mean what subject..?

You: OH LMAO

You: physics :((

Gojo: okay

Gojo: who r u again

You: Y/N

Gojo: okay meet me at the library Thursday after school

You: okayyy see u there 😁

September 18th

6:40 pm

You: gojo how am I gonna finish all this work BY MONDAY

Gojo: that’s three days

Gojo: this is easy stuff

You: FOR YOU

You: I have cheerleading until seven tomorrow night and Saturday

Gojo: okay..

Gojo: that’s my problem how?

You: okay just say u hate me

Gojo: I hate you

You: whatever

September 21st

1:06 am

You: IM DONE!

You: r u impressed

Gojo: no

You: wtf

Gojo: bring it to me at lunch so I can grade it

You: okayyyy

You: goodnight 🩷

Seen

September 21st

1:40 pm

You: GOJO WHERE R U

Gojo: in the library

You: why aren’t u in the cafeteria

Gojo: because it’s too noisy

Gojo: I can’t read in there

You: ha ha nerddd

Gojo: shut up and hurry up.

You: Okayyyy okay

You: Can u see me 🤔

Gojo: no the bright orange cheerleading costume is really hard to miss

You: 😒

You: So is the bone white hair and glasses

Gojo: hurry up

September 21st

8:12 pm

Gojo: ur so shit at physics

You: Uhm okay

You: thanks? 😭

Gojo: im sorry that was rude

Gojo: fear not that’s why I’m here

You: okay

Gojo: don’t worry it’s nothing my genius can’t fix

You: try not brag challenge fail

Gojo: you free tomorrow?

You: I should be yeah

Gojo: okay come to the library after school

You: can’t wait… 😔

September 22nd

4:06pm

You: Gojo

You: GOJO

Gojo: you are literally in front of me speak

You: nk the librarian is looking at me 😓

Gojo: okay so what

You: don’t look so annoyed at me

Gojo: im not annoyed at u

You: okay fine

You: do u have a highlighter

Gojo: …

You: DONT ROLL UR EYES AT ME

Gojo: there is LITERALLY ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF U

You: omg ur first caps lock 🙁🩷 I’m so proud

Gojo: stop laughing

You: I’m sorry u look so angry over a highlighter..

You: and I can see you smiling too 😒

Gojo: shut up.

September 23rd

7:06 pm

You: Nerdjo I have a question

Gojo: never call me that

You: 😒😒okay.. can I ask u a question now

Gojo: if it’s about the work I gave u just wait until Friday

You: UTS NOT

Gojo: oh

Gojo: okay what

You: would you rather only drink water for the rest of ur life or be allowed to drink anything you like but it always has to have a drop of pee in it

Gojo: where is the pee coming from

You: You don’t know..

Gojo: is it healthy pee

Gojo: because if not then idk what’s in it and I could contract a disease like typhoid or smth

Gojo: and also utis and that’s painful enough as is without me drinking to catch it

Gojo: also how much is a drop

Gojo: is it a ratio thing? So every 1% of any drink I drink is pee or is it always a drop

Gojo: because in that case I can just drink a lot of smth and the pee will cancelled out

You: wtf

Gojo: sorry I’m rambling

You: No.. don’t apologise.. U have opened my eyes

You: I never thought of it like that

You: Also do u think it would like make my drink yellow..

You: Cause that’s GEROOSS

You: voice note elapsed: 00:40

Gojo: voice note elapsed 1:02

September 24th

2:06 pm

You: IM SO EMBARASSED

You: Walk of shame to my seat in my cheerleading outfit god TAKE ME

Gojo: ha ha ha

Gojo: don’t be late next time

You: Shut up

You: I hate Yaga and he hates me

Gojo: he loves me

You: yeah cause ur good at physics and I’m poo at it

Gojo: better focus then

You: okay

September 24th

2:20pm

You: Gojo

You: Gojo

You: NERDJO!!

Gojo: stop texting me

You: move u bag from the chair next to u

Gojo: what???

You: MOVE IT

You: I’m coming to sit next to you

Gojo: tf why

You: the guy next to me won’t shut up

You: and I need ur nerd aura to make me smarter

Gojo: ur so stupid

Gojo: hurry up then

You: WOPPEE OMW

September 25th

1:06 am

You: Gojo r u awake

Gojo: we have school tmrw go to sleep

You: U R 😏

Gojo: freak

Gojo: what do u want

You: I’m bored

You: And I’m confused on question three on the history hw 😓

Gojo: okay..

Gojo: ask me tomorrow

You: Or I can call u rn an u can help me..?

Gojo: .

You: PLEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASE 🙏

Gojo: you have ten minutes

You: YAY

Gojo and Y/N

25/9/2024 Time elapsed: 30:07

September 25th

11:05 am

You: GOJOOOO

You: Can I sit with u in econ today 😏

Gojo: what do u need help with now

You: Uhmmm I don’t need help

You: I just wanna sit with u..

Gojo: oh

Gojo: okay

You: YIPPEEEE

September 26th

12:21 pm

Gojo: YOU WATCH ANIME??????

You: WHY R U YELLING 😭😭

You: Yes… it’s my deep dark secret don’t tell anyone 😔

Gojo: okay with the sasuke keyring on ur bag…

You: LOL

You: how did you even see it where r u..

Gojo: stalking you in the corridors watch out

You: Okay Joe from you

Gojo: ur living ur own Netflix series rn 🩷

You: EMOJIS???

You: Who r u and where’s Gojo gone??!?££?

You: Whats ur favourite anime

Gojo: voice note elapsed: 1:34

September 28th

2:06 am

Gojo: do u think time travel is real

Gojo: or like will be real in the future

Gojo: I feel it could be because like we just advance in technology more and more as time goes by

Gojo: like if u said FaceTime would be a think in 1920 they’d probably hang u

Gojo: there was that Stephen hawking thing he did with like the party invite but

Gojo: if I was from the future I wouldn’t time travel just to prove him right like u just have an ego now

Gojo: food for thought 🩷

September 28th

7:21 am

You: SORRY I WAS AT PRAVTISE and U messaged me at like one am?)

You: But I thinking about you the whole time

Gojo: awwwww youre making me blush

You: SHURRUP

You: i was thinking about ur question not u

Gojo: same thing kinda

You: enough

You: voice note elapsed: 00:54

Gojo: girl u r not Snow White dinosaurs will eat u

You: We will find out when I time travel to the Jurassic era and kiss one

September 29th

3:37 PM

Gojo: why do u keep staring at me do ur work

You: Cause i have a question for u but im shy..🥺🥺

Gojo: EW cringe

Gojo: just ask me

You: You keep looking at me with those bombastic blue eyes im nervous

Gojo: ur so dramatic

You: DONT LAUGH AT ME

Gojo: so text me then

You: okay….

You: We have a pep rally soon can u come

Gojo: was that it..

You: YES

Gojo: girl im coming anyway geto is playing

You: UR FRIENDS WITH GETO???

Gojo: hes my best friend

You: Wait thats true ur always together

You: You know allll the girls on my team have a phat crush on him🤧

Gojo: mhm

Gojo: and are you one of those girls?

You: Nah hes not my type

Gojo: and what is ur type

You: Boys with bombastic blue eyes😏

You: R U BLUSHINGGGG

Gojo: shut up and do ur work

September 30th

9:45 pm

Gojo: ar eu home

You: Yeah why..

Gojo: play roblox with me

You: LOL

You: How’d u know im a gaymer..

Gojo: hoe u is not a gaymer

You: HEY

You: ill have u know im plat on overwatch..?

Gojo: wait actually

You: Actually

Gojo: ….

Gojo: HOP ON OW

You: Uhm sorry i cant im doing the hw my annoying tutor sent me

Gojo: im sure ur sexy smoking hot tutor will let u off this time

You: YAY

Gojo and Y/N

30/9/2024 Time elapsed: 3:46:07

October 1st

12:34 pm

Gojo: pep rally in five days

Gojo: r u nervous

You: Gojo texting me in school..?

Gojo: dont change the subject sweetheart

You: POO

You: Im scared yeah

You: I always am before a game tho

You: Like what if my shirt slips when I’m flipping and i flash my bra

Gojo: the game will get ten times better?

You: HEY

Gojo: JOKUNG IM JOKING

You: As an apology take me out for lunch today 😙

Gojo: ugh fine

You: XD

October 2nd:

2:07 pm

You: WHERE R U

You: GOJO

Gojo: me and geto went out for lunch

You: COME BACK NOW

Gojo: are you okay????

You: YES I WANNA GIVE U A HUG AND A KISS

Gojo: are you having a stroke??

You: SHOKO GAVE ME THE KEYRING

You: A LITTLE NARUTO TO MATCH MY SASUKEEE

You: THANK U SM

Gojo: ur welcome

You: 😁😁😁

You: Bring me back a coke

Gojo: ugh fine

Gojo: do i still get that hug and kiss

You: hmmm I’ll see

October 3rd:

10:21 am

You: image attachment

You: LOOK LOOK LOOK

Gojo: WELL DONE

You: A BBBBBB

You: IN PHYSICSS WHO AM I

Gojo: WELL DONE

You: Thanks for the tutoring🤤

Gojo: wait im the goat

You: hoe EYE am the goat..?

Gojo: i guess it was a team effort

You: Yeah duh

Gojo: good job sweetheart

You: 😁😁😁😁

October 3rd:

9:06 pm

You: ik we had plans but let me come home then we can play

You: Practise ran so late sorry pookie

Gojo: wait ur at school rn??

You: Yes….. kms shortly😔

Gojo: how r u getting home?

You: Walking

Gojo: girl..?

You: My parents r working and i cant drive leave me ALONE

Gojo: wait im coming to get u

You: You dont need to do that gojo

Gojo: i do im omw

You: OKay

You: Btw i like ur new glasses

Gojo: u noticed?

Gojo: stop staring at me all the time omg..

You: I cant help it

You: i love u and all four of ur bombastic blue eys

Gojo: not picking u up anymore

You: IM SORRRY🙏🙏🙏🙏

You: PLZ COME MY KNIGHT IN SHINING GLASSES

You: PLEASEEEE

Gojo: ughhh fineee

Gojo: just because u begged so nicely

You: ahahahah SHUT UP

October 3rd

10:15 pm

Gojo: r u home

You: u literally just watched me walk through my door

Gojo: so..

Gojo: what if someone took u from inside

You: Ur right hoe…

Gojo: im always right

You: Yeah yeah freaking nerd

Gojo: dont hate me cause u aint me

Gojo: ima graduate cum laude in the future

You: Why u talkign about cum u freak

Gojo: shut up

You: cum laude more like cum load 🤣🤣

Gojo: i hate u

You: LMAOOO

You: Ik ur laughng rn

You: Call me

Gojo: say please

You: Please call me four eyes🤞

Gojo and Y/N

03/10/2024 Time elapsed: 4:20:07

October 4th

3:47 am

Gojo: omg did I tell you

Gojo: I was reading this essay on behavioural psychology and it was talking about how like the concept of territoriality in humans it’s so interesting

Gojo: it’s related to how primates make their space

Gojo: not like actually of course nobody is peeing anywhere

Gojo: it’s also related to quantum physics in an weird way

Gojo: voice note elapsed: 2:12

October 4th

7:54 am

You: Whatever you say gorgeous 🙏🙏🙏

You: THATS COOL THO A

You: I got like a quarter of what u said but icloveee psychology

You: I wanna study it at university

You: my fav part is attachment and like child development and stuff

You: so ur next rant topic is going to be about that thanks 🩷

Gojo: did u actually listen to all that

Gojo: sorry I get carried away

You: Duh I listened and don’t apologise or ill shoot u

Gojo: thanks 🩷

Gojo: i bought u a coffee

You: YAYY

You: I’ll meet u at the entrance

October 5th

1:07 am

Gojo and Y/N

05/10/2024 Time elapsed: 2:39:07

Gojo: good luck for tomorrow

You: Thank u 😁

You: I’m gonna need it…

Gojo: shut up ur gonna do fine

Gojo: I’ll cheer u on from the stands

You: YAY

October 6th

3:54 pm

Gojo: get off ur phone and lock in

You: I CANT FIND U

Gojo: I’m like the third row from the bottom

Gojo: next to Shoko

You: I SEE U

You: I recognise those bombastic blue eyes anywhere🩷🩷🩷🩷

Gojo: awww is that big smile all for me

You: Shut it

You: Are those big flowers all for me??? 😁

Gojo: no they’re for the huzz

You: What if I kill you?

Gojo: plz don’t

Gojo: they are for u

You: Ur such a nerd

You: Thank u 😏

You: Ur coming to getos after right??

Gojo: yes

You: Good

Gojo: but

You: Butbwhat

Gojo: we could hang out instead

Gojo: just me and you

You: Are u asking me out on a date gojo????

Gojo: yeah kinda

You: I can see u blushing from over here

You: DONT TURN AROUJD

You: Ofc I’d rather hang out with u

You: See u after the rally😙😙😙😙

Gojo: good luck

Gojo: u look pretty in ur uniform

You: Thwnk u 😁😁😁

—————————————————————————

NERDJJO ONE CHANCE PLEASEEEE 🤞🤞🤞😓🥺 these text fics r so fun to write oh my sigma..

guys I know Gojo was kinda mean at first but he thought u were using him for his smarts… also idk I headcanon that he’s not as energetic as he is canonically.. like u think hes always bragging and dry but hes actually just itching to tell u facts about quantum physics

I HOOE U ALL ENJOYED 🩷 as always drop any asks in my inbox !!!!