#yeah idk just felt like putting this out there even tho nobody cares so

[lesbianlizzie]

.

[lichenes]

Go ahead.

This is embarrassingly self indulgent. Have fun reading tho!! Dedicating this one to my bff who promised to watch Rivals cuz SHE FINDS RUPERT HOT LMAOOO. Love you girl, keep supporting my delulus. Asks open btw :P CW: fem!reader, drinking, mentions of face riding?? idk dude, kissing wc: 766 .  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚ .  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚

“I feel like nobody will ever love me.” You exclaimed, adding a short laugh at the end of the statement in hopes of making it sound less depressing. “I’m tired of waiting for my life to start.” He gave you a lopsided smile pretending not to be completely taken aback by your statement. He was used to unusualness from you and so he humoured your drunk form. 

“Don’t worry… someone will.” You snorted at him, or rather, what you assumed to be an attempt to keep your spirits high. “Yeah yeah, sure.” You were nursing a beer that somehow made its way to your hand at some point in the night. 

You took a swig and midway through it, hummed. “Rupert, tell me…” You said. “You ever been in love?” You hiccuped. “Oops, sorry.” He was amused by your state. 

“Hmm… can’t say I have.” He looked you up and down. “Not yet at least.” He said, lifting his gaze to your face, noticing your absent stare. You hummed, affirming what he said. You let yourself be smitten by him and then the affection hung in the air, heavy and thick, appearing cuttable.

After a while you got used to the butterflies, the unspoken words, the fleeting joy of seeing him in the early hours of the day, under your window waving at you lazily from the height of his horse. 

He would never commit. You knew that so you just let yourself be smitten. Full stop. He was comfortable with having who was essentially a loyal pet and you were okay with being kept on the fence. The status quo was upheld long, far too long to change. Yet, when Declan appeared in your lives something in your serene yearning went awry. 

Declan was… different. Declan was as available as Rupert although for different reasons namely, his wife, Maud. So… when she disappeared one day you were more than pleased to hear that. 

Your caring side was of course devastated by the news relayed to you through the grapevine, Declan wouldn’t tell you himself that Maud left for London. He felt too humiliated yet again to confide in anyone. Taggie told Lizzie, Lizzie told Freddy, Freddy spilled the beans to Rupert and well, Rupert may have been a loyal friend but… he also had a big mouth. 

The side of you that craved Declan carnally was screaming for release. Begging your conscience shut up already and ride his mustache till you got a carpet burn. In attempt to cheer him up you fucked around and found out just what Maud was missing out on.

His ‘Venturer’ shirt was showing off just what needed to be shown off, the day was warm enough so he could parade around the Priory without any overcoats which, when seen by you, made you even warmer.

“Declan!!” You called out to him from the kitchen which you just entered. He walked down the stairs and leaned on the doorframe. “Yeah?” A faint sheen of sweat could be seen on his forehead as he saw your skirt just peek out from the T-shirt supporting his cause.

You were holding a basket with various ingredients Taggy asked you to purchase, alas, they were forgotten on the table when Declan strode towards you and put his hand on the small of your back, staring into your eyes. “Hello pretty girl.” He whispered, crashing his lips into your own ones. The surprised moan you let out was subdued by the chuckle someone behind you let out.

“Ah! I am hurt.” Rupert was standing in the door. You noticed a change in demeanour from him, even if just slight. Declan put his hand lazily around you. Rupert still had this shit eating grin on his face yet there was something more sour about his expression. 

“I was just looking for you angel.” He said, earning a snort from Declan. “Angel’s busy.” Rupert for the first time in his life tasted something so, so bitter - defeat. Seldom do good things come to those who wait and he, apparently, waited for too long. 

Rupert told himself it was a good thing. And he believed it too. Yeah. A hundred percent. The way you said Declan’s name that evening, the intimate touches you exchanged were looming large in his sleepless nights. 

That night when he left for his own house the sheets smelled faintly of you and your gorgeous voice could be slightly heard in his mind when he was drifting off to sleep. 

Only when he woke up, did the terrifying thought come. ‘What have I done?’

.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚ .  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .�� 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚.  * 　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　 ˚ masterlist

[breakbeatbun]

i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars

tags on this post for context

i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.

that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!

around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.

at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!

today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.

IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together

[misdre]

now that nobody cares anymore

quick. post esc song&artist opinions

albania (titan): this was originally in albanian and it was.. alright? then they chose to send an english version to malmö. you lost me there

armenia (jako): i liked the colourful background in the live performance. nice roosters. this is just all cute and bubbly and so is the vocalist. that's about it

australia (one milkali (one blood)): poor australia, i really like the song. could have leaned in a little more to the whole aboriginal thing because that's obviously what makes this stand out as absolutely unique. they had one of the most interesting vocalists of the year but the live just didn't do it, not for me and apparently not really for anyone. then again i think it's kinda nice australia has achieved a status where they can comfortably NQ because it's no longer like Hey let's vote australia just because they're on eurovision and it's haha crazy. i think the song is better than some of the earlier ones they've qualified with though. bleh

austria (we will rave): oh you silly austria. the studio version of this was my early favourite together with rim tim tagi dim but the music video scares me and uuuhh the live? yeah uumm about that. kinda surprised it even qualified tbh. well! the song's still a banger. straight from the swedish banger factory but let's not talk about that. there will never be a day when 90s eurodance stops being the shit

azerbaijan (özünlə apar): erm. kudos for the traditional singing. i've heard this exactly once from start to finish (in SF1) so idk. let's put it like this: not THE most boring ballad this year

belgium (before the party is over): i like when he sings BEFORE THE PARTY IS OVER

croatia (rim tim tagi dim): meow cat please meow back. this is the most My Kind Of song this year, the kind i'd love and listen to outside esc too, favourite from first listen. people are being annoying about him not winning but whatever, coming second is very sexy you know. and you know what else is sexy

cyprus (liar): ORIGINALLY……this went in the same basket of "some girlboss with a sexy song idk" as malta and georgia and whatever who else… but then it kind of. got stuck in my head. and i kinda ironically started liking it. and then not so ironically. it kinda slaps? i have no excuse

czechia (pedestal): the song is good with a nostalgic kind of comfy rock sound. unfortunately it wasn't very strong live so into the NQ basket you go. i fucking love aiko's look tho i'm kinda homogay for her

denmark (sand): well…. this song's not BAD… but also just not very interesting. i got nothing. except sand in my

estonia ((nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi): that title means "we don't (really) know about (these) drugs". i always have a soft spot for estonians and this year they TOO just brought all party and fun (and finnish-made folk instruments!). the live wasn't very good imo and i think juries agreed but eh IT WAS FUN! EVERYONE HAD FUN. A PERFECT CHAOTIC MATCH TO WINDOWS95MAN

finland (no rules): SEE ME SLAYY. this was such a surprise winner in UMK, i was shook for a moment back then but ever since it's felt sooo right. so right. finland bringing in just the right kind of chaos every year and i'm very proud of it. the song genuinely grew on me over this spring, originally it felt like a jokey addition to all the "proper" UMK songs… ah how the turn tables. it's hilarious too that windows95man isn't even a musician and henri just kind of half-accidentally became his singer because they needed some vocalist for the song who can hit the notes. now they're probably hitched together as besties forever. did you know the performance is a reference to finnish mythology where the world is born from an egg

france (mon amour): just two words. JE T'AAAAAAAAA A AAAAAAAA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIME okay actually a third word also. king

georgia (firefighter): um. see malta below

greece (zári): i like marina but got nothing on this song

iceland (scared of heights): i'm sorry hera……… you're like an aunt who's just doing some jammin' in the karaoke on a cruise from turku to stockholm. mildly embarrassing but you just can't hate her

ireland (doomsday blue): CROWN THE WITCH CROWN THE WITCH CROWN THE WITCH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGHGH

italy (la noia): don't have much to say other than that i like the song, angelina is great, the performance was a bit boring. would have wanted stuff with her hair like the music video. but it was alright

latvia (hollow): daddy dons with one of my favourite voices this year. his blue armour outfit was a bit weird and unintentionally comical but it's okay. i really love this song and that's why they call me The bitch who likes the ballads

lithuania (luktelk): banger, love it, immediately takes me to the club. bass on the studio version bops. silvester is beautiful, loved his chunky outfit with a comically dramatic silhouette. poor guy was traumatised by having to perform after a Certain individual in the final, would give him a massive chunky hug. life's not fair but luktelk luktelk

luxembourg (fighter): imagine coming back to eurovision after decades and this is your performance. i think the song is alright, would have preferred if it were all in french. the live is an absolute nothingburger. i don't even remember what the staging looks like

malta (loop): UM sorry. i don't even remember this GJKNDSGJBSDG

moldova (in the middle): i.. kind of like this song? like the dadadadaddaa part? but not very much. it's surprisingly catchy for being so forgettable. and non-qualifying

netherlands (europapa): woww wasn't the final such a great show and a good time! i'm so glad he came fifth! a televote favourite too! yay! :)

….in other words that "it's now or never" got a bit too real. i wish to hug joost's chunky blue suit and cry a little. hoping he'll perform soon in finland since he seems to be making a song with käärijä and all. btw nice of bambie thug to bring dustin the turkey back to life as a dutch EU bird

norway (ulveham): i'm so shocked this came dead last, i thought it'd find its audience for sure. earlier in spring people hyped this to the point of some complaining it's overrated, god that aged like an avocado. the vocalist is adorable and sings (shouts??) like a mofo, there's a witchy vibe with a metal band, the lyrics read like a fairytale, it's in norwegian (their FIRST song in norwegian in idk how many years, over 10). ROBBED

poland (the tower): a cute little song, i like it! the performance aesthetic was on point but i started jokingly associating the song with my 4kingdoms rei (it started from the tiger's eye line.) and then the joke got not-so-jokey and so umm yes. and like our finnish commentator said: how nice of luna lovegood to try being a musician

portugal (grito): portugal just doing their portugal things like every portugal year. iolanda is cute.

san marino (11:11): this is the only NQ song that was robbed IMO, not only a genuinely nice little rock bop but the staging was one of the most fun ALL this year. you got dancers in pink skeleton onesies on stage and you don't even make her qualify? die

serbia (ramonda): imma fall asleep on that rock

slovenia (veronika): pre-show i somehow thought this would be a bigger deal than it turned out to be. then it just kind of. well. i actually like the song and thought raiven looked fucking sick on stage crawling around with that murderous look, she's welcome to kill me any time in the middle of a dark forest at night (bambie thug will prob be there also. ulveham playing in the distance. luna is taking notes)

spain (zorra): what absolute fucking icons, i stan this 56yo queen getting on stage to sing about whores being awesome. the song is a certified bop and they got men in corsets serving a plateful of ass, i don't even need anything else from eurovision

sweden (unforgettable): i have a masochistic relationship with melodifestivalen where i watch it every year while knowing full well i'll be disappointed. i was, again, disappointed. but after seeing what a disaster this year turned out to be, well first of all, good on sweden for not sending a swedish artist to represent this mess and having a couple of norwegian bois on instead, secondly, by the time the final came around i no longer had any hate in my heart for this because who cares. marcus&martinus are our little denim brothers and i wish them all the best

switzerland (the code): nemo is adorable, amazing, lovely, phenomenal, a legend, 100% deserving the victory, spinning like a beyblade while singing opera what more do you want. like WHO the fuck sings like that while doing some kinda acrobatics on stage in a short skirt. nemo does that's who

UK (dizzy): another embarrassing year for UK, wasn't it. they sent an actual superstar and he just kind of sang like shit and nobody cared. i don't like the song it genuinely annoys me, the performance was weird kind of gay, i dunno. sorry olly it didn't click

ukraine (teresa & maria): being ukrainian also i'm not much of an objective opinioner on this one. definitely preferred the live version over studio, it's breathtaking. jerry heil is sooo beautiful and what a voice. queens

funny how one day you listen to some new little songs without even knowing what country's entry it is and by the middle of may they're all my beloved friends.

[darknoverse]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !

a- whole gush pass? all for little ol' me?????

*grabs papers*

ok soooooo a whole essay about NOS4a2 and why he matters to me sm as a f/o ever

k so, starting off.

what makes him special design wise?

first of all, his whole design is sharp and edgy(literally.lotta edges). each end is pointy and sharp . lotta triangles used in his design. but despite that there's something interesting about how he has a cape (something usually made out of soft fabrics) as a cover, but even so the sharpness REMAINS. something else is how he has like two different eyes, which one of them is a monocle which is slay idk lol. also something else is how he's not like- he doesnt look strong physically at first sight even tho he's trully capable of being so . also fangs; LITERAL energy vampire, it's so cool as a concept.

ok personality wise:

most of the times he's on scene, it's always this very classic "muahahaha evil" kinda deal, he's silly af. geniunely enjoying it . he keeps on making stupid unfunny jokes all the time and he laughs at his own stupid jokes lol. idk i think it's cute and sillly waaaaaaaaaaaaa

BUT! he's capabe of being TRULY TERRIFYING (like half the robotic gore in BLOSC is caused by him lol, also his plan in ROTM was dark af)

it's even more interesting cuz his motivations are simply, yes being in charge as a SECOND need. the FIRST need is mainly to feed on robots. SENTIENT ROBOTS. LIKE HE D O E S WANT TO FEEL THE THRILL OF THE KILL. HE COULD JUST DRAIN from lifeless machines, but he'd rather HUNT and play with his food, if you will.

it's just very interesting.

now, SPECIFICALLY WHY do I like Nos and why is he so important to me?

so in general i was/still am a villain apologist ok? i always loved villains, no matter how evil they were. it sortz felt really comforting. but something about Nos specifically felt very special . possibly the fact that the first episode i watched in general was Revenge of the monsters (aka the climax of his character in everyway) .so basically my first impression was based on seeing him in his best if u know what i mean . like if it was any other episode things would've gone differently but that's not the case as you see. like ROTM is like this whole bigger climax yk? say, if it was another episode there's a high chance zurg could've been my fav character but boy he literally ran like a coward in ROTM so i just didnt care much cuz he wasnt in the ep as much as NOS.

like yea in an alternate reality it could've been Zurg but NUH UH . Nos it is.

also the fact that ROTM is like, as i said, sorta sums up his whole character in a great way . so when I watch that episode i IMMEDIATLY got attached especially when my introduction to the series is this. both his ultimate downfall and like .. the top of his character arc . like, INSTANT attachement.

another thing to note is how like … the whole episodes sorta focused on his turning every Z to an N .

ok here i might start explaining things a bit too personally here but ok it's an essay . ok so the circumstances of me watching the show for the first time were…something.

see i didn't have much friends back then as a kid. even the ones i had were pretty much SO different and can't understand me cuz im that shy, weird kid who goes on info dumping about my interests it might get annoying. but nobody understood those interests except ONE friend. whom just left and idk where he is till now. another thing to add, being the weird kid sorta let people exclude me and/or bully me soooo yeah .

so my putting that into prespective with the whole Ns all over the place thing in that specific episode sort of.. made me relate ya know? feel like it's specifically an episode for me . there was something nice and comforting about it.

the fact that it's the first letter of my name (which at the time was a big deal cuz all my favs didnt specifically put that fact into like, part of the story like Nos if u get me.) like, something about a villain i KNOW has the first same letter in their name as me, being all goofy yet menacing, also a vampire of sort -i am obsessed since day one idk) just felt right.

last part of this might sound silly or stupid but like . another reason WHY i felt this connection to Nos specifically till now :

people i know irl did NOT know what blosc was.

even the few who knew, don't remember it or specifically know who Nos was when i asked them.

so it's like "damn. all this epic character being so obscure and unknown despite everything they did?…sounds like me "

so until i went online and find more blosc mutuals (and till i went to Uni where people know it somewhat and still take show suggestions seriously from me) it just felt like this one character was specificaly made for me . like, this one character nobody knows except me . cuz i'm just as unknown and as unnoticed irl .

conclusion:

and to this day that still stands . Nos is still one of the turning points in my life in general. be it in art , in social life , or in general anyways. still my favourite fictional character of all time . my Top 1 fav and my main comfort character along Antasma and Zira for similar reasons.

thank you for coming to my cringe talk btw and reading all this lol.

[paintedpineleaf]

idk typing shit out should help. sometimes when i tpe stuff i get tired haflway cause like. who's gonne see this. who cares. right

anyway. hope i tyoe it all out this time lmao.

two of my friends have now said something seems off about me, and i know it. one of them i haven't talked to in a while, and when i said idk what was wrong with me or idk what he meant, he said maybe it's subconscious and i don't know what's wrong with me. i was like yeah sure.

i thought about telling him, but then it just felt so weird, i've never told my friends any of this stuff. sometimes i resent them for not knowing but then i also kinda know i'd regret it forever if i did.

anyway the way i was gonna frame it to him was; i saw a reel like yesterday that was like "when you do something so cringy and then later gain some self-awareness and you're like wtf was i doing" yeah that happened to me today haha. so basically my mom was making burgers, and i was helping like i always do, and she was talking about how my sister can't come down to help cause she has a tuition class going on. and she later checked her phone and my sister's tuition teacher had sent her a text saying basically, hey, [name] didn't take class today.

my. mom. lost. it. she went upstairs, where my sister was sleeping, and started screaming her head off at her. idk whether she hit her. she came down after like 5 minutes and started yelling at me about how she's told me countless times to check on my sister before coming down around this time to make sure she's taking her class, and i never do and stuff. i don't usually talk back when she's yelling, responding kinda takes way too much energy out of me.

anyway then she started yelling about it at my dad, who also never responds to her and just listens. also in the meanwhile i was just making the burgers. but thing is, when we have burgers, it's like the whole family sits around and we talk and stuff while eating and it's usually kinda fun? but like obv the whole vibe was ruined, my mom wasn't gonna shut up, she was gonna continue on how nobody cares about her bla bla right

that's not the thing though. thing is. idk what happened to me. my mental state in the kitchen was slowly unraveling like. i did everything i was supposed to, took out the fries, salted them, put ketchup in the saucer, made my mom's and brother's burger. my sister later came down and i had already prepared the 'be kind' monologue in my head. like my mom's being mean enough to her, i don't need to take my anger on the mom out at her yk. she didn't need any more cruelty from anyone. and she came downstairs, and i told her how i'd kept her burger bun uncut cause i knew she liked doing it herself, told her there were fries out on the table and she should get some if she took her plate upstairs to eat.

like. i could feel myself acting fine but when i went to put the tray down on the table it kinda slammed down in front of the mom, so hard that some of the fries fell out. like 3 or 4, not just like one or something too. i apologized and was like actually surprised cause i had expected to put it down gently. and when i went to give the mom her burger, i put it down very gently but i had to like be very mindful of it.

i made my own burger tho, and almost ran upstairs, and i just fucking. couldn't.

i fucking lost it as well. i couldn't breathe, i felt kinda dizzy? idk how to describe it. like i felt like crying. i started taking deep breaths and everything was coming out shaky even though i wasn't crying. i couldn't sit up, like i could but it made me feel worse, so i laid down on the ground and closed my eyes, and was like taking deep breaths and shit but there were tears coming out of my eyes? then i didn't like the light, and every time i opened my eyes i felt worse, so i got up to turn off the lights and lock the door. then i came back and laid down on the ground in the same place and position. laid like that for like 5-10 whole minutes.

basically i had like a meltdown or a tantrum or something, all cause my mom yelled at my sister.

i didn't even feel like getting up when i forced myself to cause i thought: taylor swift always makes me feel better, and my food's getting cold. so i watched the eras tour movie while trying to eat my food. trying cause i just. idk like i lost control. i couldn't muster up the energy to lean forward then pick the burger up and bite it then chew it then swallow it. so i just sat there like eating the fries cause i could do that. also taylor swift did make me feel better, she always does lmao. i ate the burger like a minute or two after that.

and like. i know it's not "cringy" or whatever, or like no-one else would think so, but it's just. idk what happened to me.

later i was talking to another friend and they said something about how i should tell people to fuck off more often, and i was sending them a voice note where i was reminding them of the time i said i didn't ever wanna be mean to any one and one of the main things i wanted to be in life was to be kind. and i almost fucking started crying again. then i thought about like, maybe i could tell them about what happened today, but i couldn't open my mouth to do it. i literally couldn't fucking talk, i just sat there.

so like. all in all. a bit of an over-the-top reaction to something that fucking mundane yk. and like i know it's normal to have over-the-top reactions sometimes as long as you're not doing it all the time but. idk i'm just fucking scared for next time. i'm also scared that i may forget this memory so i wanted to like have it written down somewhere, so i know i'm not going crazy or something.

all of my friends are telling me i seem off and i'm idk. i think i used to be depressed when i was like 11-14, and i think i'm falling back into it after having a couple good years. i'm saying *i think* i used to be depressed and *i think* i might be again cause i'm not like formally diagnosed and i've been to a therapist (albeit a pretty shitty one), so like. armchair diagnoses help no one and they take attention away from people who are actually suffering so i don't wanna walk around with big false label on my head to gain sympathy from people.

[hoes4dylanobrien]

Mets Dylan (AU miniseries) 3/?

a/n: so being in New England myself I may have made Dylan a dunkin donuts kinda guy? Idk if he is tho, but I like the idea of it. LMK if you wanna be on my new taglist for this fic, friends :3

tw: Dylan being cute hungover, swearing

taglist: @roxic93​

You idled in the office parking lot, debating whether or not to go in.

You were fairly sure what this was about. The picture that girl posted online that was quickly making headlines everywhere after being taken up by TMZ. You, a nobody, caught in a compromising position with your client, Mets star baseball player Dylan O’Brien. 

It was not the best situation to find yourself in, especially after what you’d been trying to do went up in flames. You were more angry with yourself than Dylan, though. He was who he was, which was a womanizing dick most of the time. It was his M.O. He was predictable, in a sense. And that was why you were angry: you should have known better. He was doing what he was always doing, but for you to have gotten caught up in it, in those stupid mesmerizing eyes... It was only a moment, but it may have cost you everything. You knew it didn’t look good (even though NOTHING happened...) but your employer wouldn’t see it that way, and so you felt it was the calm before the storm. The dreadful thought that you may just leave here without a job crossed your mind. 

Your phone lit up with several texts then.

A few from friends wanting to know the tea, one from Ray, your boss, that said I know you’re out there, y/n, I can SEE you from my desk... stop picking around and get your ass in here (yeah, your boss was pretty casual with you) and one from He Shall Not Be Named (childish on your part, you recognized).

Can you stop at dunks on the way there, i’m feelin munchkin today 

You rolled your eyes so hard they went back in your head. The audacity of the asshole. 

He saw you read it, and sent one text after the other:

hello????

answer me

y/nnnnnn

y/n, I can literally see you reading my texts. this is important. need to know my Dunkin's will be there. and ask for extra caramel drip on the macchiato, you know the one

You’d had it up to here with him, and couldn’t help shooting off a quick text.

I’m not your fucking maid or your executive assistant, Dylan. Ask them to get it, or, here’s a concept, get your grown ass your own Mighty Macchiato. You can certainly afford it. 

The dot, dot, dots appeared. Then:

see now I'm worried you didnt say iced. You know I don’t drink hot coffee y/n 

:(((( 

You looked up, muted your phone, and may or may not have screamed out loud. 

Putting on your big girl panties after a good pep talk to yourself, you approached the front door and step inside. The doorman, Chris, greeted you with a smile. ‘Hey y/n, good to see you. How was the weekend?”

“Oh, you know...same old same old.” You didn’t elaborate. He nodded understandingly, and, judging by the look on his face you could tell he saw the story but thankfully didn’t ask about it. “Yours?” 

“My grand baby was home. My daughter and her husband were visiting, so we got some good family time. Had us a good barbecue. DIdn’t want to leave ‘em to come in today.” 

“Oh, wow, good for you! How old is she now? Lizzie?”

“Seven,” he said proudly. “That’s wild, I remember seeing her around the office back when she was only three, I can’t believe how fast she’s growing!”

“You’re tellin’ me!” He snorted.

“Well, I’m sure they had a wonderful time with you. Did they leave already?” 

"Yeah, Eric - my son-in-law - was needed back at work so they packed up and left early this morning.” 

Your phone buzzed again. There were an embarrassingly long stream of texts from Dylan, who apparently thought you were still talking to him, and the boss, who was now calling. He must really be steamed.

“Business calls?” 

“Shit, yeah. Sorry, gotta jet. It was nice catching up though!” 

“You take care now, Miss y/n.” He winked at your retreating form. 

"I’m on my way,” you said by way of greeting as the elevator doors closed behind you.“Good. Because we’ve got a pile of shit on our hands.” 

I sighed. “I know.” 

“You really screwed up.” 

“I know,” you repeated.

He just gave a long sigh, ending the call abruptly. 

Out of habit you checked your social media, surprised to see several hundred new followers, and an inbox full of messages from both bots and real people wanting to know the scoop. Well, that didnt take long to identify you. Huffing, you almost put your phone away when you saw another text flash across the screen, figuring it was probably Dylan again harassing you with his Dunkin Donuts order that was really not happening. But it was somebody else:

I saw you in the news, so sorry that happened to you! I’m here if you’d like to talk, or not. I know I’m supposed to wait 3 days before asking for another date but life's short and I really enjoyed your company. 

So James didn't see the picture and assume the worst. You were so thankful, and realized you were smiling as you prepared to text him back when the elevator doors opened. 

Your coworkers all turned toward you as you walked by them, whispering. Your work bestie, Annika, was waiting by your cubicle, heels tapping, practically twitching at the prospect of getting the dish. 

“Girl, you gotta tell me-

But before you could answer her, before you even had a chance to place your things on your desk, your boss was calling your name. 

Everyone seemed to quiet then, not used to hearing the laid-back man so angry. 

Annika mimed a drink, and you nodded subtly as you walked backwards toward Ray’s office. You’d be catching up with her after work, or if your luck turned, at a long boozy lunch after you were laid off.

[clavis-baby]

Songs that You would listen to After a Breakup with The Brothers

(Lucifer,Mammon,Satan,Asmo)

I’m so sorry I was listening to reckless and it made me feel something (also I’ve never dated anyone sooo shhh)

Also I tried to add at least 3/4 to every brother but I realized they all had a Olivia Rodrigo song so sorry about that also I tried not cross over the same songs 😅

Also Spotify Playlist!!!

————-

Lucifer

enough for you - Olivia Rodrigo

Okay so first Olivia track honestly I know we all cried to her whole album don’t deny it but essentially I felt that with the lyrics I wore makeup when we dated“'Cause I thought you'd like me more If I looked like the other prom queens” and “Tried so hard to be everything that you liked” I feel like Lucifer would expect that his lover to be perfect honestly this song really would work well with both of Satan and Lucifer so deciding between them was pretty hard but the pushing point for me to put this with Lucifer was the lyric “But I don't think anything could ever be enough”

Without me - Halsey

(Ugh I love Halsey so much and her baby soon!!!) Anyway!! For Lucifer I really think that his pride would’ve gotten in the way of all of his relationships he’s ever had but “Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?” Just screams Lucifer and how the chorus keeps on saying “I said I'd catch you if you fall” ahh perfect (could also work for Asmo)

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Won’t lie but embarrassed that I choose this song but it works for Lucifer sooo whatever but the chorus really is a fairly good start I feel like anyone who has a brain (even tho MC really doesn’t) dating Lucifer wouldn’t be particularly 100% safe but whatever he’s most people’s favorites again I used to love this song but don’t anymore so when I looked up songs about break ups (yes I did that) and Trouble came up I relistened and with these lyrics I had to include it No apologies “He'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know That he's the reason why”

Let Me down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Now if this was a cheating thing and he did cheat this would be like the absolute BEST SONG!! But tbh this is a pretty good song for any breakup I feel like…OH WELL! :) the first lyric FIRST LYRIC “This night is cold in the kingdom” I felt represented his pride idk how to explain but idk T-T I can explain the rest tho >~< “I once was a man with dignity and grace Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace” once again pride but with “Could you find a way to let me down slowly? A little sympathy, I hope you can show me” I really hc that almost with all the boys but especially with Lucifer they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone

Mammon

(I’m a sucker for him im sorry I put all the most emotional songs with him)

Reckless - Madison Beer

This was the song that inspired this whole post!! (Sadly, it made me feel things) But this song really could be used for Belphie and maybe a hint of Asmo but Mammon was the first person I thought about when listening to this song so it’s mammon. Mammon I just feel like behind all the tunsdere act he really promises us so much like obviously the protection but Reckless just show us within the lyrics “I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life” and even this lyric with his whole first man thing and even him asking us to come to him for protection “You might love her now, but you loved me first Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are” it just is so good ����

Love me or leave me - little mix

So if you even skim through these Mammon songs and know about my posts I love him so much so even though what I said in Lucifers part about them not caring about cheating and stuff I feel like Mammon might care just because of how much he promises things also I read a lot of fanfics with what I just said “And you're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Oh” tbh because of this lyric I did think for a moment to use this song for Satan but Uhhh this is really emotional song and I love my bby “Do you remember when you loved me once What happened? What happened? And you'd hold me here just because” LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME HERE!!!

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

This song I feel like was a bit more for me sooo yeah also remember what I said about how I hc that almost with all the boys that they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush with you they would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone wel I sort of want to believe mammon wouldn’t and his greed gets in the way (who am I kidding I’m just making excuses for my baby) but I’m going to continue on what I just said because Umm well I can do uh “You start to tremble and your voice begins to break You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's They were my mate's”

(I couldn’t find anymore songs that I felt that would fit him 😭)

Asmo

Ex best friend - Machine gun Kelly

When I was writing this originally there was going to be like 4 parts of all the characters but then once I realized how many songs and I couldn’t think of any for others and how I wanted to add an explanation I gave up on that but originally it was going to also be cheating songs, fall outs, then just aftermaths of breakup songs which to be honest this song really could fit with the after math and cheating songs I feel like Asmo and his SO are more likely a not able to quit each other sort of thing “We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh” and even near the end of the first season the only little part we sort of get from character development from Asmo when we was drunk explains what he was sort of saying “I swear to God, I never fall in love Then you showed up, and I can't get enough of it I swear to God, I never fall in love I never fall in love, but I can't get enough of it First off, I'm not sorry I won't apologize to nobody You play like I'm invisible Girl, don't act like you ain't saw me” personally I do think that inside Asmo might be insecure and a bit sensitive on the inside but I could be wrong

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Wow I have the lyrics up and I just realized this 3 minute song has barley lyrics but the song still fits Asmo so.

traitor - Olivia Rodrio

Even tho that all these songs were on cheating I tend to hc that Asmo isn’t a huge fan of solo partnership because of the title avatar of lust so I feel like in maybe the beginning of a relationship he would promise to you that he would be there for you but would maybe end up not staying true to his words I forgot who but someone else explained why they don’t believe that Asmo wouldn’t be able to go with out having a Polly relationship

——-

I’ve had this in my drafts for so long and wanted to post this but at this point I’ve just can’t add anymore so this is my lazy part

Boys like you - Anna Clendening

Satan

Again I’m lazy rn but I wanted Satans part to show just pure madness and anger but also as time progress just sadness for Satans pure side also anything that had to do with books or a story I added for u know Satan loving books

I’m not mad - Halsey

Moral of the story - Ashe

Blue - Madison Beer

[doolkat]

Beastars season 2 thoughts (SPOILERS!)

Its furry time

First of all NOT BEING manga reader.

My ass legit thought Legoshi was the fucking killer. I was so suprised wjen he wasnt. I was like what.. I was like wow so fucking obvious he is when the snake said answers is in him. But he wasnt

i honestly was like??????

SECOND.!! lack of Haru in this season?? like bro I came here to see Legoshi x haru :( i really liked them in season 1. What was the point of building it in season 1 when it felt flat on season 2.idk.. maybe manga was different. But u know theres gonna be season 3 confirmed already so maybe they fix that..

THIRD

THIS season was GAY AS HELL.. I honestly didnt expect that. I wasnt much of a LOUIS x Legoshi shipper expect that one hot scene from season 1 where he checks out Legoshis fangs. The leg scene in season 2 and LOUIS feelings about carnivores to me heavily implies denial of romantic feelings for Legoshi. Also tbh I dont think Legoshi is gay.. even tho I SHIP them but in reality I feel like this heart belong to Haru..

Also Im convinced more of that Riz has feelings for Tem. Whatever it developed from loneliness or not. The thing of being desires reached when being in love wasnt in my opinion random. Their story was sad.That black panter and ant eater idk their names also had pretty speical vibes. idk if ship ones but it was nice.

FOUR

PINA!! PINAAA.. idk what about him but HE IS SO PRETTY i like his personality of being like cocky af and pretty boy but he isnt all mean. yeah he a manwhore but I feel like theres a lot more to him tjan we saw also he was hillarious af. What i thought was intresting was his feelings about death and fear. Like I honestly dont know but this boy seems deep down depressed that he doesnt care what will happen to him. Or maybe he finds the thrill in excitment of his life being put on danger. (i kin that speifically maybe I shouldnt dbjdd).

FIVE

NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THIS BUT PEACH AND SHEILA! honestly that scene made me so so happy somehow like warm feeling inside how they became friends. Probaly one of my fav parts of that season 2.honestly it was good season but that small scene with them was so lovely..

SIX

Jack :( like him about Legoshi leaving and all was heart breaking. I hope they get to stay friends but him crying was just so sad. or the whole thoughts of them getting distant..yeah...depression

Over all thoughts:

Good season. I wish we got to see more back story of different characthers like Jack. I heard the manga featured his back story but maybe season 3 will touch on that. Incredibly unexpected to me. The leg scene was INSANE. but I tbh am not upset or so suprised about it like some seem to be. Maybe he could taken just little bite.. idk? I dont know SURE WAS GAY AF THO. Im also sad about Ibuki.. I feel like he is actully pretty cool man but yeah we wont see him abymore. Literally rip.

Your thoughts?

These were mine! I liked this season in general 💓

[itachi-with-a-chicken]

Come be my teacher pt 2

Aish we're back

Link to part 1

Jung Hoseok nearly died to actually make publishable Yoongi's book

But eventually he made it

He hoped the day at the luna park was enough for Jungkook to be forgiven after spending nearly every afternoon with Namjoon and his kid brother

Mostly, he hoped Namjoon could forgive him to have to deal with both his child and his own kid brother

When he mentioned it, Namjoon has a variety of emotions.

Surprise, then recognition. Eventually softness.

"they have been good, all things considered." He laughs a little "Just warning you, Jungkook took a passion for Just Dance"

Well, Hoseok considers when he watches his son weirdly dancing in front of the television, there are worst things that could happen

Also, now that he has a life back, he can discard Min Yoongi in his man cave or whatever he likes to call his attic and go back to his routine

Which means, pick up and drive is kid to school

And see again the cute teacher

Not that he cares

But you know

He does

That day Kim Taehyung was wearing a dark green vest and a white shirt and looked as an absolute old man

His housemate confirmed it and if Kim Seokjin tells you you look bad, it's true

The thing is, Taehyung didn't want to look hot, he just wanted to look comfy and cozy to his kids

When he steps outside to collect the kids, he regretted every choice made that morning

Because there it was. In all his elegant glory. Jung Hoseok.

The two exchanged a small wave and Tae nearly forgot he has something to say to him

"Come on Taehyung" he tries to say to himself "he's just another parent. Nothing to worry about. Nothing special. Not a crush, no sir"

"Hoseok-ssi" he calls him. By his name, because the first thing Jung Hoseok told him as they met is "you're taking my son most of the week, we can at least call each other by our own names"

"yah?" He was already moving towards the car, dammit.

Stumbling at bit at the beginning, Tae tells him about the little recital he proposed to the school board that year

Hoseok beamed at him

"that sounds wonderful! kids will have loads of fun"

Taehyung was positively gloating, but tried to hide it

"so this week it's going to be parents-teachers conference, so we can explain every detail"

Nobody will pry from his cold hands the knowledge that the reason why it was happening that week was that Taehyung knew as a fact that Hoseok was busy until now

And also, that nobody knew about the meeting in the first place

The thing is, a meeting was supposed to happen at some point, and Taehyung was a very considerate teacher, okay?

He needed to tell the principal about the meeting, tho

Ugh

On the other hand, Hobi was quite serene.

The wonders of a full night sleep, he guessed

Nope nothing to do with the cute teacher and the cute vest that made him look cozy and cuddly and all the stuff a grown up should not look like

It would be a lie to say that it didn't do anything to Hoseok.

But then again, Hoseok can be a good liar

His phone chimed in, showing a text from Yoongi

"so did you ask him out?"

"who?" "What do you mean who" "i mean who would I ask out" "the teacher, dumbass"

Hoseok stared at the phone for a solid five seconds

"you don't even know what day of the week it is" "And yet I know you brought the little monster to school, so you've seen him"

For someone who forgets to eat, Yoongi can be really persistent about stuff

"why" he just asks, glancing away from his computer. If anything, he knows Yoongi has little to none interest in his love life by itself

Not after he finished all the people he could set him up, anyway

Including himself

That was so weird that both kinda decided it never happened

So back to the text, Hoseok patiently waited for whatever was the real reason behind such concern

"I may or may not started planning the next book based on whatever vibe you and your lovely teacher give off"

Hoseok shrieked, but just a little

"but you know!!! Most of the time the final product have nothing to do with the beginning!!!" Yoongi continues

Six exclamation point usually mean that he's either lying or trying to convince him of something he didn't actually believe in. So lying, after all.

"and what's the plot" hoseok asks, but then "no, nvm. Don't tell me. Just. Idk. No"

Yoongi didn't reply, but then his editorial instinct won over all his better judgement

"okay, tell me the plot"

Yoongi answer arrived after less then three minutes and it was a shit ton long. He basically already planned everything and all he needed was the main characters

"and they would be me and Kim Taehyung?" Was the only answer Hoseok managed to cave

Because yeah, if life was a written book maybe they could have been the perfect romance

Even by changing some basic stuff - "don't worry you're all idols here" - and making some unrealistic concessions - "your character is the greater dancer of all times" - the way Yoongi was telling the story

A story that didn't exist

makes him want to fall in love for real

But here's the catch: they were real people, and crush on your child's teacher is problematic at best, creepy at worst

So no, he won't be pursuing that. Thank you very much

(but gave yoongi permission to work on the story nevertheless because, you know, it's his job)

And he r e a l l y is set on his mind the day of the meeting after school

Doesn't matter that he exited work early just to go home and shower

And definitely didn't have anything to do with his choice of wardrobe that saw some neat jeans he had brought but never wore and his best fitting pastel red shirt

Along with a leather jacket because what the hell he was still young after all

And if some heads turned to check him out, when he entered the classroom, well. He couldn't blame them

He sat gingerly on his child desk and waited. Mr Kim still nowhere to be seen

Talking about Kim Taehyung

His day started the night before with his housemate that, in order to forget his impossible (only according to him) crush decided to have a drink

And since it would be too sad to drink alone, he had to bring Tae down with him

Little mattered he had to work the morning after and kids were not merciful with headache

He enters the room with the parents with eyes fixed on the floor, trying to remember everything he needed to say and--- oh

Of course Jung Hoseok was there

Of course he was stunning

And of cour-- no wait he was talking to Namjoon? What was he doing here?

Oh right. Mixed classes. His kids and mr Lee were together in this project.

Having the ten years old doing the talking and the eight years old doing the dancing was his idea after all

Mr Lee smiles at him, like the old turtle he was, and sat down, waiting for him to speak

The old turtle seemed frail and sweet but he remembered being a child with him. It was all a play

Which makes him perfect for this project, he guess

So, let's convince the parents he knew what he was doing and what he was talking about despite never producing any school play

It went fairly well for the most of it

Every time he met Hoseok's stare, the other man was smiling, and that made him feel both excited and incredibly shy

But mostly gives him enough confidence at least finish the presentation of the general idea

When parents asked questions - price, time needed, how the parts would have been distributed - he tries to be as clear as he can

And hopes nobody will actually spot how much he still doesn't know

Eventually, the questions are over and the meeting is too, with a copy of the project to take home and a promise to see each other as soon as possible

Tae was putting in order his papers, trying carefully to not perceive either Hoseok nor Namjoon, but of course karma hates him

So a few of his pages fly down the desk, right in front of. Well. Of course Hoseok. Who else

It's not like he could have the worst face in the history of faces and just have his life passing by

No, he had to live his 5-hours-sleep-10-hours-work while wearing his most anonymous clothes and have something less of a Idol staring at his face

Wait

He was staring

He said something

He said absolutely something and Tae was just too far away in his head to hear anything oh my--

"everything alright?" Hoseok asked, and the question clearly triggered Namjoon attention, because he came close too

"ye-what-ye sure. I'm sorry, I must be a bit tired. Hi, Namjoon-ah"

Hoseok smiles at him, but Taehyung makes a weird face at the other man

Well, they clearly knew each other enough to drop some honorifics

Probably wasn't the first time Namjoon came instead of his parents to school stuff like this, Hoseok always knew he was a good big brother

"You did great" the young man says, to which Taehyung smiles a little. Namjoon walks over them but doesn't stop, heading towards the door

"I gotta go now, Hoseok-ssi, see you Tuesday. Tae, see you around"

"Watch your steps" both Tae and Hoseok say, which surprised them, but proved them right when Namjoon bumped into a desk

Then it was only them. And Tae knew it's gonna be awkward really soon.

"so, how you know him?" He asks. Oh, Jungkook babysitter. Makes sense

"and you?"

Taehyung makes a weird face, half displeasure.

"I'll tell you in the parking lot, I'll feel less irresponsible if I'm not at work"

Hoseok felt he has to decline and go straight home

Also stop asking about the private life of his kid's teacher and babysitter

Because that was none of his business

But he was a nice person and nice people listen to what others have to say, right?

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[sharkmobster]

more funtime found family au stuff but this time focusing on funtime freddy and michael's relationship. it's incredibly rambly and turns into off-kilter dialogue but i gotta get this off my chest.

tw mentioned child abuse/death

• doesn't actually like michael (at first) even tho i draw them hanging around each other a lot

• bon bon is the only reason he does loaf around him. (bon bon and bonnet being the only ones who like Michael in the beginning.) They're attached to each other so it's inevitable that they would hang around mikey.

• ft freddy plays really mean spirited jokes on michael bc he's not allowed to harm him. he has to get real creative. (ft freddy has a lot of anger inside of him. people write him off as being dumb and goofy but really that's just a mask that he put up so he didn't scare people away. of course the funtimes know how he is, knows who he is right to his core bc they're all connected on a deeper/technological level.)

• (slaps funtime freddy. this bear can fit so much trauma and abandonment issues in him!)

• can be incredibly vindictive when he wants to be and takes out a lot of his agression on Michael. michael shares the afton name (bc he sure as hell doesn't look like william in my au lol) and that alone is enough for ft freddy to bully him.

• (the funtimes blame william for abandoning them so ft freddy takes it especially personal when his ankle biter comes around to "liberate" them. and on some deeper level freddy is just terrified that michael will abandon them all, just like willy did. he never voices this of course. opting to show his apprehension and fear in a more destructive way, pushing Michael further away.)

• canon ft freddy: sinister but still goofy and knows how to have a good time

my ft freddy: goofy and repressed anger issues, doesn't know how to enjoy himself without causing someone some kinda pain.

• michael gets fed up with being terrorized eventually and confronts him, and ft freddy drops the silly act for a bit just ready to blow up at him. (he can't even place why he's still so angry at michael when really he's been nothing but hospitable and accomodating to their wants and needs but fuck he's just so wound up he doesn't know what to do) michael compares him to william during the argument (cruel and vindictive just like william wanted) and ft freddy nearly rings his neck, absolutely seething but bon bon doesnt let that happen of course. (idk if this is confirmed canon but bon bon was designed to placate freddy. he raises his voice even slightly and bon bon's petting his face, stopping him from getting even more agressive)

• ft freddy shuts down after the confrontation ends (emotionally, anyway) and the blow out itself is completely anti climatic, nobody getting hurt. he ends up isolating himself from the others with bon bon hovering around like a concerned mother hen. Baby and the others give him space but michael (after he cools down anyways) won't leave him alone.

• See the thing is: Michael understands. Michael understands more than anyone what it's like to feel so deeply, what it's like to hate and hate and to keep hating until that rage is your whole life. It's suffocating. and he had to deal with that all on his own, choking on his own grief and rage without anyone to guide him. (his brother is dead bc of him and he carries that with him everywhere he goes, in everything he does.)

• They're living in the countryside of France at this point in time, far off from any wandering eyes, a thick forest surrounding their home. Freddy has a few hiding spots that he scouted out within the first few days of staying there. And that's where Michael finds him, hiding out in a small alcove by the a creek, throwing rocks at the trees (and sometimes wildlife).

• freddy doesn't aknowledge him, ignoring him like a child would and bon bon frets nervously between them, not wanting another fight to break out. Michael tells them that he's not here to fight anymore, he just wants to talk. you like to talk, don't you? and freddy doesn't say anything, running his fingers through the dirt, absentmindedly.

• michael asks bon bon to leave so that they can have a private convo and bon bon freaks out like absolutely not, he might hurt you and michael asks freddy directly like "are you going to hurt me?" freddy still isn't talkative, and he's rigid when he shakes his head no after a bit of silence. Bon Bon asks if he's alright with him leaving and freddy just shrugs, still staring at nothing in the distance. bon bon hesitates for a few moments before finally leaving, telling Michael to call out to him if he's in danger but michael rushes him along.

• it's just them now, nothing but the sounds of nature around them. michael asks how he's feeling and freddy shrugs again. Michael strikes up a one sided conversation, stepping closer and closer to him over time not really getting any kinda response out of him but eventually, during his rambling, freddy finally looks at him and says "Y-You just don't get-get it." and then goes back to the silent treatment.

• Michael's quiet, having made his way up to standing right next to freddy (he's only a tiny bit taller than him when he's just sitting like that). he nods his head, considering something for a while until finally he goes "Did I ever tell you about what it was like? Ya know. Being William Afton's golden child?" freddy doesn't say anything but he pauses from drawing circles in the dirt, tilts his head just a fraction to let mikey know he's listening.

• michael stares at the creek. "He wasn't the most outwardly loving father. Wasn't really the nicest one, either. But, I wanted his approval so bad, I'd do anything for it." Freddy slowly turns his head to watch him carefully. that's got his attention. "I did a bunch of stupid shit back then, all cause I wanted to be noticed by him. But all that attention went to my little-" and michael draws in a sudden breath, pained. stays silent for a moment, working up the courage to speak. "I did something awful to my brother. All for my father. And it's an awful thing to say but his death didn't matter. Pops didnt bat an eye and Mom was too far gone by that point after Elizabeth...." he looks back in the direction of the cottage. "Well.... you know what happened to Elizabeth." Freddy's stare is hard and unyielding. "He's gone now and I was the only one who cared enough. His fuckin' abuser cared more for his passing than his own father did."

• "He threw me into the basement. Did you know that?" Michael bounces from one foot to another, anxiety written into his very bones. he's lost in his rambling now, having never spoken these words out loud to anyone. "I killed his son and he locked me away in the dark for three years." Freddy fully turns to give Michael his undivided attention, stock still, hanging off of his every word. "I got out. Eventually. I ran away and lived on the streets for years until someone got a hold of me. Told me my old man was missing, presumed dead. Got a pretty penny from the fazbear business he co-owned with Mr. Emily. Things were going good, I guess. I was overwhelmed for the most part, didn't do anything other than bounce around from hotels every few days. In some way, I felt like he was still out there, watching me. I just kept running. And then i found out about you." He glances at freddy and looks away quickly when he finds an unblinking visage staring back. "Found out about all of you. Locked away in a storage facility for over 30 years. In the dark. All alone." an incredibly long silence stretches out between them, freddy fidgeting, hyperaware of every noise going on around them.

• "You think I don't get it. But I do. I think I understand you more than anyone could." Michael's staring back at him, raw emotion across his face, eyes soft with empathy and that's what makes Freddy turn away from him. Suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't want to fight with you. Not you. Not Ballora, or Foxy, or Eli-" He visibly winces, but regains his composure. "...I just... need you to understand that I want to help."

• Freddy's never been so quiet, and it's such an odd sight. Michael's not sure if he should say anything else or if he should leave the bear alone. the bear speaks up, finally "W-We could've kill-killed you."

• "That was always a possibility, yeah. I woulda deserved it." Freddy's not sure if he likes the way Michael talks about himself sometimes. "I needed to get you guys out of there, though. That was more important than whatever could've happened to me." Michael huffs. "Besides, if I hadn't bailed you guys out then I would've never gone to Paris. Ballora has good taste in real estate, I think." and despite everything, freddy lets out a sudden breath that could've been mistaken for a sensible chuckle. Michael smiles anyway.

• Things settle down afterwards, though there's no bite to Freddy's jokes now. They're not as close as Michael wants, Freddy still keeping his distance, keeping his walls up but it's something.

• Freddy starts watching horror movies with him late into the night and until dawn. Doesn't let Michael sleep in afterwards and he might just regret this but it makes Freddy happy. Things go back to normal in the cottage, as normal as things can be for a motley troupe like them anyways. Michael starts laughing at his jokes more.

[incorrect-bkdk-quotes]

Hello! I hope it’s okay to ask you questions! I recently re-joined the fandom, bkdk being my main ship had me rewatch and re-read all of their moments! I have some doubts and wanted to ask you about them! We know that bakugou was insecure and punished deku for that. I never understood tho, where exactly is the correlation in this? Also, has he always been worried for deku? Should we see every past moment as him worrying for deku in his own toxic way? ( before actually realising what he felt? ) like when he didn’t want him to join U.A. ? worrying about the quirk? There are these things that I’m not so sure about and I know that are pretty important for them.. so I hope you can explain them to me! I’m sure there’s more I would like to ask, but I don’t even know if I have enough space for my ask eheh

Anon before you decide to hate me, pls understand that I wrote a v nice long meta on this and thought it had been uploaded and I was VERY confused to see that Tumblr just,,,, ate my post,,, :(

I want to rewrite everything I did, but idk if I'll manage to be that eloquent again gdi-

Anyway hello!! I joined the fandom pretty recently myself and I do relate to your experience of combing through the manga + show looking for any nods to your favourite characters and ships!

Before I start rambling, I would like to remind everyone that this is Art, and art is meant to be interpreted.

This is just how / interpreted the story, and it is definitely not the only way to interpret the material, nobody reads into the nuances exactly the same. Also this is bakugou centric bec that's what the anon asked, but dw I have put as much thought into izuku's side of the story too!

Correlation between Bakugou's insecurities and his treatment of Izuku

Ok so I think the correlation comes from the fact that Bakugou has been raised as a typical gifted child, being told he is the best and special and better than everyone else by all the adults or authority figures in his life. However he has also been raised to think that all his "special-ness" comes from his powerful quirk and not him intrinsically. How does he deal with this? By basing his entire identity around his quirk and his sheer power of course and ends up with a self esteem is based in what he can do, not who he is.

This leaves a gaping hole at the core, that's his biggest insecurity. "Who is he without the flashy quirk?" So instead of dealing with that (understandable, he's like what 5? when the quirk kicks in?), he accepts that this is just how the world is. He's just better. More worthy. And everyone will just have to deal with that fact. Not his problem.

Now comes in quirkless izuku, weaker than katsuki in everyway that he saw, but clinging to the same hopes, same ambitions that katsuki did, and it pisses him off while also scaring him. Not exactly in a sentimental i-secretly-worry-about-my-old-friend kind of way.

I just think he's intimidated by Izuku's hero spirit. His insecurity complex manifests as the question- Would he be as driven as Izuku is, to be a hero, if he didn't have the backing of his quirk? That's a hard fucking question that Katsuki is definitely not ready to ask himself. (Oh source? Uh the remedial arc dialogue "if you keep looking down on others, you'll never see your own weakness")

Everything about izuku challenges his perception of the world and he lashes out and tries to squash his own feelings of inadequacy.

And he is convinced Izuku can see through him, and that izuku thinks of himself as a better person and hero than katsuki. Which almost definitely fucks his already fragile self esteem.

Obviously he's wrong to do so. On the other hand he's a child, he's not emotionally mature enough to realise what he's thinking, or contemplate what he's saying before he's said it and that definitely fucks up his relationship with midoriya.

Should we see every past moment through the lens of bakugou being secretly worried for midoriya?

I don't know what we can and should do, I just know that I do not exactly do that. Bakugou wasn't a nice kid and that's just how it is. (What matters is that he worked on himself till he got better and he cares now. He's cared since the early days of watching Deku at UA I'd guess)

I will always view their interactions after UA began with leniency because they're both growing so much.

I do not know how universal this experience is, but a great change, something like going to college, or in this case high school, really Fucks with your world view.

Katsuki has always been the best, far outclassing his peers at everything he did. For the first time he is amongst other strong individuals who can keep up with him, including Deku. Katsuki's still brilliant, but he has to work for that number one spot. (I would go into how his inferiority complex makes it hard for him to accept anything but first spot but we don't have the time)

Just as importantly, Katsuki has also found something at UA, guidance from adults who still expect brilliance, but for more than simply due to his quirk. He also finally makes actual friends (yay bakuquad) who don't turn and flee at the first sign if trouble (.. yes I'm looking saltily at those kids from Aldera who ditched him withinn 2 seconds during that sludge villain attack)

To paraphrase from The Good Place "People change and grow when they receive external love and support, how can we hold it against them if they don't"

With so much changing in his life, is it that hard to believe that Katsuki Bakugou gets better as a hero and as a person?

I am not touching the manga, because idk how much you've read anon, (really the current arc just says it all so clearly!) but even before the end of Season 3, you can see the change in his behaviour.(Yes I'm talking about his acknowledgement of izuku's strength, and yeah Obviously I'm talking about the vulnerability he displays in Deku vs Kacchan 2.0)

And yeah like they say- "the best apology is changed behaviour"

[sorry anon, this veered a little off topic by the end but I hope I hit all your queries??]

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warning: suicidal thoughts

An anon sent me an ask but the content might be unsettling / triggering to some of you, so I wanted to put it under keep reading and you can choose for yourself if you want to read it or not.

Remember, I'm not a doctor. I probably need therapy way more than you (you're reading the smut, I'm writing it XD).

I'm just a person. But there was a time, long ago, when I wanted to scream into the abyss and I really wished the abyss could scream back.

It never did.

But this time is different, because this time someone chose me as their abyss and I'm choosing to scream back.

from anon:

What you write hits me so hard. The use of mental health is amazing and it makes me feel better to know someone else goes through this...but I wanna scream. I'm so alone. I don't want these thoughts anymore but its a weight I've had on me for weeks and I've nobody to talk to. Literally, no one. My friends have school in the morning, my parents don't want me to go downstairs. I'm in bed and I don't like this anymore.

I'm not expecting you to answer this post especially as its an anon one and you cannot privately answer because then it will have to be public and thats just an odd thing to have on your page but jesus... I needed to rant. I don't even know you and you don't know me.

But it hurts.

Everything fucking hurts and I don't wanna put up with it anymore. I will try my hardest not to end everything but its so fucking hard. I don't even know if I'm strong enough anymore.

I'll try not to.

I don't need to burden a stranger with my death....heh...

Sorry, I'll stop this stupid thing now.

Idk if I should even send this. Oh well...Imma do it anyway.

Also I hope you have an amazing day. You are a great human. :) Be Happy ~

Ah, where to begin.

All of my works have a part of me in them. There are bits and pieces of my story, my thoughts, my feelings, mixed with fiction. Even if you collected them all, you wouldn't know everything about me. I have avoided certain parts, deliberately been vague, chopped up and rewrote things.

You didn't come here for me. You came to read BTS smut (yeah, I see you, you ain't sneaky about it). You came to imagine choking on Jeon Jungkook's dick or getting fucked by Min Yoongi (or literally any other member; I'm just listing the two I write about most lol).

But I'm the writer.

And I can't help but put part of me in everything I write.

I know this feeling, the loneliness you speak of, even if you think I don't.

I don't know what it's like for you, but for me, it was always this way. Ever since I could remember, being surrounded by people and still feeling utterly alone was there. My childhood? Kinda shitty. The details don't matter - what matters is that the only solace I had was reading books. I read so fucking much when I was a kid, because I could not stand the loneliness that seemed eternal. I felt pain and I didn't know if it was because someone inflicted it upon me or if it was because I was doing it to myself, thinking that was what I deserved.

So I read.

And I started writing myself.

For me, this is solace. This is the place I can be anyone, anything, and I can create a world that is all mine. It is still lonely. Maybe even pathetic. Think about it, I'm literally writing porn about dudes in South Korea who don't know I exist and pretending they care about me (I'm aware that they don't). If they knew, at the very least they would be disappointed in me. Disgusted, or worse.

I've accepted I'm not a very good person.

But I also think that, maybe, just maybe, someone out there reading my stuff takes a pause and forgets about their worries, their fears, their sadness, and they feel 1% better. Maybe. I don't know. I'm not you. Maybe someone out there reads my stuff and they fall asleep dreaming about fucking BTS instead of being awake all night thinking about their pain.

Therapy? Mmm, a big stretch.

But it's something.

I'm not trying to save the world one BTS smut story at a time (LMAO what if that was my tagline tho). I'm just trying to work through my mind, my pain, and I'm posting it here. Maybe it helps you. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you're only here to learn how to suck dick (I do write a lot of blowjob scenes, but honestly, it's practice XD).

The number of times I have typed and wanted to say something about myself to you, my readers, and then deleted it because I think, "nobody cares about you, they just care that you write porn."

It is reflected in this part of head+heart

“They’re taking so much from you... You keep giving. That’s dangerous. Their selfishness will hurt you. They’re think of you less and less as a person and more and more like a factory. They’ll treat you like a thing they’re entitled to and not like a human being with feelings.”

I'm not saying that's all of you. In fact, if you've read this far, it's definitely not you. But it exists. Not just me, but for BTS too. Anybody who is a creative goes through this feeling.

I am going to do what I continue to do. I won't pressure you into reading. I won't tell you how to live your life. I won't give you meaningless advice that you can't listen to right now because you're visiting the dark place and even good advice can get twisted there, morphed into something it's not because your mind is tricking you.

Life is cruel. Unfair things happen. You can't control it.

There are many paths in life. Everyone has good and bad in them. "Who said people are animals of wisdom? / For me, obviously, we are animals of regret." And yet. "There is nothing permanent in the world. / Everything is just a happening passing through." Happiness is not forever, but neither is pain. The you of right now is not permanent.

Living just to chase a perfect life will leave you unfulfilled. Living for the sake of living is harder. It seems meaningless. Happiness is so fleeting when pain is so crushing. Living to get hurt, living just to float along, living to constantly have to decide what is good and what is bad, only to figure out that the only person who can determine those things is you, because this is your life.

The only person who can live your life is you. You are the only person who can see your tomorrow. So, I ask you.

What if you live like that?

:)

[hollanderfangirl]

I'm Yours |Harry Holland|

A/N: my first ever smut!!!!! It's here!!! Idk how good this is lol, but Harry with his wet curls tho omfg.

Also I'm so sorry to all those of you named Courtney, y'all are lovely people I swear, I just needed a name lol.

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: smuttttttt, oral (f. receiving), a little bit of body insecurity, shitty beginning lol

It was just another typical Friday night. You and Harry were at the club, you had a few shots and were already feeling dizzy, as you had a lower tolerance than Harry, while he was on his third glass of beer. You swing your head along the loud music playing in the background, enjoying the moment. 

You see a girl walking towards you both and Harry seemed to recognise her.

“Hey oh my god Harry!” she says, hugging him. 

“Hey Courtney!” Harry stands and moves closer to her, completely ignoring you. Usually you never minded what girls Harry talked to or but this Courtney gave you some weird vibes, you couldn’t really put your finger on why you were feeling that way about her, your gut was just telling you that she was bad news. They chat for a while and then Harry introduces you to her.

“Oh I… hi. I never knew Harry was so versatile with his type”

“Excuse me?” you getting pissed off now, yeah what the fuck does she mean?

“Ah nothing, just that when we dated, Harry was like completely obsessed with me so I just- you know? I just thought he would date someone like me” 

“What do you mean someone like you?” you say eyeing her, you didn’t care if you were coming off as rude now, she was being mean to you. And Harry knew it. You knew that he knew it but he still didn’t say anything. 

“Well I just mean-“ 

“Umm..Courtney, y/n is tired now, she just- we’ve had a few shots, maybe we can catch up later?” Harry interrupts her and she gives him a kiss on the cheek before saying goodbye and leaving.

“What the hell was that?” your voice was surprisingly calm compared to the ranging emotions you were feeling at that moment. 

“What? She was just my friend”

“Friend? Or your fucking ex girlfriend?” 

“Oh so that’s what this is about? Yes we dated for a while but now it’s over”

“Oh really? Then why was she all over you like that? And did you even listen to what she said? What the fuck did she mean by I’m not your type?!”

“She never said you’re not my type. She just said…that she thought…I would date someone like her”

“Yeah well that’s the same thing” you get up and take your purse in your hand.

"Courtney is… it was no use talking against her. I know she would never change, I didn't want to create a scene. That was the reason we broke up, you know"

“Whatever I’m going, I don’t feel like staying here anymore” 

"Where are you going?"  

"To die!" you were more than angry now, you never felt this way but there was just something about Harry’s attitude tonight that made you mad. 

"Well how are you planning....on dying?" 

"By jumping into the river Thames! God dammit Harry!" 

"Y/n wait," He holds your hand and looks at your eyes. He looked concerned, he loved you and cared about you a lot. You knew that. But the thing that pissed you off the most was that he didn’t even say anything. He was just standing there while his ex girlfriend insulted you.

"Just go tomorrow. You know the water is cold at night" 

"Ugh you!" you detach yourself from him and start to walk away. 

"Wait wait wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, y/n," He laughs. "Come here" 

He pulls you closer into a hug but you push him away. He doesn’t follow you outside and honestly you don’t even care. You call an uber and head home. You think about all the times you had with Harry. You knew he loved you. But did he? Did he really think that you were not his type? You weren’t feeling sad or angry anymore. It was just like a weird feeling you couldn’t explain. 

When you reach home, you head straight for the shower. You stand in front of the full length mirror in the bathroom and look at yourself. You were not really insecure about your body usually but today was just one of those days when you were feeling down. You take your dress off, followed by your bra and panties and examine your body. You knew that you were beautiful, that your body was beautiful. But still you were not able to convince yourself at this exact moment.  

You step in the shower, and close your eyes, feeling the warmth of the water hitting your skin. Your thoughts were still on you and Harry, you wondered if he went back to Courtney after you left.  

You hear the door open and you know it's Harry. You hear footsteps all the way up the stairs and the bathroom door unlocking. He strips before pushing the shower curtain away and stands behind you. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't do anything. He's just standing there. You feel his hot breath on your shoulder and his cheek against your wet hair. He's just leaning onto you silently, with water pouring onto you both. Your heart beats faster and you're breathing heavily, furrowing your eyebrows as you feel his weight on your back. 

You both feel the tension in the air, you're trying so hard, not to turn around and just give in to him. With your naked bodies pressed together, the intimacy in this moment was more than anything. His ex girlfriend and the club seemed like distant memories now, you just wanted to be one with him now. 

"Baby... " he whispers in your ear. "Come on.. I'm sorry" he holds your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. his voice was so low, as if he didn't want to ruin the silence. You notice the slow noise of water hitting the tiles of the bathroom and the water from the shower wasn't the only thing making you wet. 

You slowly turn around and wrap your arms around his neck, you are breathing each other’s breaths and your lips are just inches apart. You are shaking and feel the goosebumps on your arms, as he puts his calloused hands on your waist, drawing small circles on the curves of your hips.

You try to avoid his eyes when you look up at him and put your lips on his. You taste the beer from before and his breath is warm. He traces your lower lip with his and smoothly smacks against yours. He grabs your ass and pulls you closer, kissing you harder, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You put your hand on his chest, moaning into the kiss. 

He picks you up and takes you to your shared bedroom, gently putting you down on the bed. He kisses along the curve of your neck, slowly sucking the skin and amorously brushing his face on your cheek. You feel his soaking hair on your neck, it was a little colder now, with the lack of warm water from the shower. But both of your bodies rubbing together produced a gentle heat, giving you comfort. 

He massages your tits slowly, giving them hot kisses all over and he moves all the way down to your stomach, leaving marks all over your body. 

He sits down on his knees between your legs as you clench around nothing, longing for him. He moves closer to your wet heat and hums against it, you bring in your legs closer and try to scoot away, an involuntary reaction, but Harry pulls you towards himself and prys your legs open and slowly licks a swipe up your folds. 

You arch your back, savouring this moment, he grinds onto you further and you feel yourself practically drip into his mouth.

You see his wet curls between your thighs and feel water dripping down and soaking onto the mattress below you. He flicks your clit with his tongue and sucks it harshly, you try to bite back a moan and he pushes his tongue into your pussy. "Come on baby...I- I wanna hear my name on that pretty mouth," he purrs. 

"Ahh.. Harry… need- I need you, Harry" you sounded so desperate but that's what you needed. You needed him. You wanted him.

He removes himself from you and you whine at the sudden lack of contact, he smirks at you in the dim light of the bedroom, with your wetness drooling from his chin. 

Without wasting any time he gets on top of you and starts sucking your sweet spot again. 

You thought he would tease you, make you beg for him like he always did. But he knew what you were feeling. He wanted to make you feel good tonight. He wanted to make you feel loved tonight.

He enters you, slowly and steadily, filling out every crevice of you, reaching out to a dept no one ever has. He thrusts forward, and small bursts of pleasure erupts inside you. When you moan louder, he pounds into you harder, groaning above you. "Ahh fuck…. y/n...fucking...hell" 

The room is filled with both of your loud moans, it's just you and him in this moment, nobody else. Nobody. You were his and he was yours. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, with his chest was pressed against yours. You felt so safe in his arms, like you were the last two people left on earth. You just wanted to stop time and be with him like this, forever and ever.

He looks straight into your eyes as you feel yourself release, sweat and water dripping from his forehead and hair. It wasn't long before he comes with a loud grunt. He keeps his pace for a few more seconds, letting you both ride out your high. 

He pulls out of you and lays down panting, beside you. 

"I'm yours, okay?" his breathing was still heavy. "Only yours" 

"I know that," you smile and peck his lips. "You're only and only mine, baby boy" 

Smuts taglist-

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @perspectiveparker @justanothermarvelmaniac @missguidedlani @purpleskiesstorm @halfblood-princess-505 @spidey-reids-2003 @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess

[drunkonimagination]

agnes i swear to god i will marry you-

1. alister bird? isn't the "alister" vErY clOsE tO "alASTAIR"????

2. after reading the short story, i am bereft of emotions except UWUUUUUUU

and also i'm murdering the Year 10s

someone should write a thomastair au on jimmy and lister

in fact, WE should. consider:

a) lister was considered a bully, but in fact HE was getting bullied

b) his financial condition is poor

c) he is musically inclined

d) he has no actual friends before he meets rowan and jimmy

e) he is so, so, so emotionally starved, gets such little encouragement, is always misunderstood. but once you get to know the real lister, he's this "a little unsure and shy but super outgoing and cheerful and friendly and loving and lovable" and it's so cuteeee

^^ABOVE REASONS JUSTIFY THAT LISTER BIRD = ALASTAIR CARSTAIRS.

and jimmy is SUCH a tom

except for the height (a social construct anyway -_-), everything fits.

he's shy and gets scared easily and overthinks and is unsure but it's also coz he's been sheltered so much that he panics and he wants to do things his own way and others keep pressing commands on him and he's actually really really intellectual and he could be very successful on his own but he's never left alone and nobody lets him speak his mind freely and etc etc and anyway, he's so gentle and caring and so cared for, it's achingly like tom.

oh my god you made my day with that story ;-;

and i played the game and i STILL CAN'T SEEM TO WIN

LMAO

also which characters share your mbti? please tell me moreee <33

CLARY I-

YOU MARRY ME. YOU.

YOUR MIND OMG 😭😭😭😭😭😭 how do I even comment all of this?? I'm in awe.

Everything is perfect, really. I don't know what to add, YOU COMPLETELY NAILED IT. Unfortunately I don't remember the book perfectly, so I probably won't be very helpful😩 BUT-

First thing: I TOTALLY FORGOT HIS FULL NAME WAS ALISTAIR OMG THIS IS FATE

And YES. Alastair and Lister are similar in so many ways (especially if we consider their backstories and struggles, apart from the alcoholism). Also, I always got the feeling that Lister carries a deep loneliness around, even when he spends time with his friends (probably bc of his interior struggles) and with Alastair....isn't exactly the same??? Like, even when he's around people he cares about (like Cordelia or Thomas) he seems so lonely and melancholic, as if he constantly felt the burden of his past mistakes and fears. Wow, I made myself sad :)

And TOM AND JIMMY? OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CRY GIRL????

They basically share the same personality😭 both unsure and quiet, but affectionate and kind. And I always thought Thomas might have anxiety (basically bc of everything you've just pointed out) so when you compared him to Jimmy it totally made sense to me.

Also Jimmy is the one who write songs, right? (I could be wrong tho) beCAUSE IN THAT CASE- ouch🥺 Do I really need to comment this?

I also found out that his hogwarts house is hufflepuff (thomas darling is that you???)

IN CONCLUSION: I LOVE THIS COMPARISON. IT'S EVERYTHING 😭

Ohh yes, about the characters who share my mbti, atm I remember Armin from attack on titan, Gansey from trc, Jem (speaking of which, happy birthday🤣) and I've read about our Thomas as well (but I noticed he's classified as Isfj too, so actually Idk)

Anywayyy, SO MANY CHARACTERS I LOVE AND RELATE TO

Also idc if thomas is Infj or not, but if we put aside the fact that I'm not a 6'5'' tall gay man, we are basically the same person, so yeah <3