#yeah i dunno what im talking about
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Actually! Funny thing about Clay, from the Art Of book, the creators describe him as someone who really IS fun and the prankster of the family in his DNA, but his problem was that he didn't want to be known JUST for that, and so he tried so hard to make people see that he was capable of being other than funny that he basically accidentally trapped himself in the OPPOSITE position, where he's so insistent on being serious that he can't let himself enjoy anything fun anymore. SO long story short! This entire family needs therapy I s2g
You know, in my first draft answering your previous ask I included I thought he went to the other extreme and is rejecting the silly part of himself but I second guessed myself and deleted that bit because it wasn't confirmed in the movie and i didnt wanna sound stupidhfjjgb HELLO ART BOOK INFO I FEEL VALIDATED
Whole family deff needs therapy
Rip to Clay imagine being so silly that no one ever takes you seriously and you maybe get laughed at when you try to feel serious and you're so afraid that's gonna happen again that you take it to the other extreme when you rebuild your life and if anyone finds you silly now it feels like they're insulting you--
#knox rambles#asks#anon#trolls#Clayton trolls band together#clay trolls#trolls band together#trolls 3#yeah i dunno what im talking about#i DO have thoughts on him#he just aint the fave GDHDJNGG
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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Nothing going on here, just Tomura asking his bestie Izuku some questions and planning to go to the mall <3
#a war? millions dead? dunno what you're talking about#all i see is two friends bonding and tomura asking if he wants to meet up at the mall to find that new video game he's been talking about#yeah no that's totally what is happening right now#trust me i just know#bnha#bnha 377#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki and midoriya#'whats the date today?' 'do you wanna have a chat at the mall?' JUST SAY YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS AND GO#(yes i know the last panel is sarcastic im just having fun lol)
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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People who are freaking out over vflower having weird faces on the stand clearly haven't seen the meika ones
#sunflower rambles#im so sorry to say but they gave the meikas much weirder faces options in the stand#im talking about the funny talk flower blushing and stuff. idk if people actually know what that is but yeah#it's a stand and i downloaded them years ago out of curiosity#they're just made for like. videos i guess. using the talk engine#just dunno why they put weird faces......#especially for the meikas
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#my therapist and i are shifting to as needed#i just have less and less to talk about#its like i go thru stressful thing#i handle it#i move on#i know that its like im coping well but its also like i feel blunted#i know ill be ok but like i dunno#this is what life is#sometimes im just gonna hate myself and hope that lasts ideally an evening or less before it happens again#im really repetitive and boring and annoying and yeah
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Some article that literally tried to claim "ackshually mass bombing consumer electronics in a foreign country, causing mass injury and fear isnt terorism 🤓🤓🤓"
From Soul Eater post chapter 26
#soul eater post#soul eater#crona gorgon#yeah guess israel would be justified to drop a nuke on germany cause there are neo-nazis there so killing them would make it fighting teror#i dunno it just fucked like im not american and I dont care about your elections but even if I do why should i when you#will just have zionists in control either way like i dont give a shit that trump is orange but i do care that he is willing to bomb iran an#so is the other hoe#and if you are getting angry or think this is cringe this is way i “dont talk politics” cause whats the point?#but yeah#yeah sorry for real this time last time I will say anything here cause the shame will be enough to not vent anymore on places like this#chapter 26
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thinking abt the ways ive heard people describe me and going 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💘💘💘💘💘🫶🫶🫶🫶
#i was in group therapy for a while and we had to do an exercise where we had to describe ourselves and then ask someone close to describe us#and the therapist also asked us to describe each other#i said i was sweet (i dont really THINK of myself as sweet but other people often tell me i am so i was like sure lets go w it)#and then one of the ladies who was there was like no youre not sweet youre SUPER sweet and i was like oh??????????#and then another girl was like: she's like a cloud. it was so cute LMFAO#it was the same girl who said she thought my voice was so sweet and soft sometimes she couldn't focus on what i was saying when i talked#and i dunno. everyone else in that group was a bit older than me and the therapist was like well#besides being a good person i think youre really intelligent and articulate for your age and i was like well.....im not that young LMFAO#idk its just weird to think about all the positive ways in which others perceive you yk?#like ive never EVER thought of myself as intelligent. if anything quite the opposite#even here i remember getting a couple of anonymous asks from ppl telling me that they thought i was cool or funny#or that they liked my sense of humor and i was like me???????? cool????????? funny???????????? no way dude#then there's been others from people telling me i was cute or sweet which is what i often hear from others but yeah#ive never considered myself particularly cute or sweet?????? i think im just a decent person lmao#anyway. much to think about.....#sorry for the rant if youve read everything you deserve a kiss (with tongue???? jk. unless??) 💋#raquel speaks
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from a while back
#my art#rare colored drawings#even if its just flats#i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome#sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk#its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess#i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how#i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit#but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down#i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh#i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher#so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety#im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year#i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST#and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan#hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo#time keeps slipping man i hate it#ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do
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As an 8th gen Ravnos, I wouldn't be surprised if Evie is genuinely one of the most powerful clan members out there, considering that the Elders and Ancillae all got eaten and destroyed in the Week of Nightmares along with their (maybe) Antediluvian.
'I'm the most powerful Ravnos in all the realms!' she declares, seconds before getting bapped with a newspaper to keep her in line.
#vtm#evie byrne#if she doesnt have the lowest generation of all surviving ravnos then she's definitely up there#amicia: what if i told you that you could lower your generation? wouldnt that be a funny trick to play on god#sullivan: STOP TRYING TO CORRUPT OUR NIECE#evie: i dunno playing a trick on god would be funny-#sullivan: shes talking about diablerie#evie: oh god yeah fuck no im not about that#amicia: youre both cowards
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Oh my god, I just got hit with Such a hardcore urge to do a fresh reinstall of Skyrim and rebuild my mod list from the ground up that it's making it Impossible to focus on anything else and I was supposed to be writing a paper for one of my uni classes today, like why, brain??? Why NOW??? 😭😭
Feels like Im not gonna be able to get my hands on anything else until I do it and it might as well take the whole day ahhhhowpghhiulaergnilaengnalg the fuck is this, help 😭😭
#personal#Raksh's gaming adventures#Skyrim#is it because I started thinking about the Kaidan custom follower mod? maaaaybe#it's my friends fault tbh#we've been discussing all sorts of games for months#we're gaming buddies now in that way lmao#we got to talking Skyrim few weeks ago and I guess the thought has been building in the back of my head#and now it hit me full force#possibly bcs I have some free time this week and no pressing deadlines??#I mean I need to write and send this paper over before the month ends so#it's not registering as super urgent to my brain#I was just trying to be responsible by writing it early but#I just can't focus rn 😭😭#it really is NOT leaving me alone#what in the HELL is this?? some undiagnosed ADHD thing Im unaware of??#tbf I have no idea if I have ADHD but a lot of the symptoms seem to fit so I dunno#and this is WEIRD#like yeah okay maybe if I Force myself to write the paper I will (at least a bit of it)#but the URGE#overwhelming ngl#and I just found out there's a way to reroll the Anniversary update to Special edition so it IS possible to do a fresh reinstall#I NEED#euihfniladnglang;jad#okay Im gonna go#at least try to start the paper and then we'll see I guess#(watch me reinstall and build a whole new modlist before the day ends jdagjinidngjd)#I also need to do a backup of all the files I have#good thing I never deleted any of the downloaded mod files#there are some there not available anymore on Nexus and I NEED them
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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hozierr!!
YEAHH!! lesgo
#aughhh icarian…#this one is like. The one from unreal unearth to me just cause of how much you talk about it CACKLES#ouh interesting but at the start#so far this is about what i expected cackles cackles#and though i burn how could i fall when i am lifted by every word you say to me…..#its very slow and quiet ough#its like. a breeze through branches#waghhhh it’s so so pretty weeping wailing#it’s like making me feel things dude i dunno why (positive)#i do not have wings love i never will!!!!!!!!#god this is like. ethereal#this would play over some fucking crushing scene in a film i think /silly /pos#god shortest three minutes of my life????? it went by so fast wagh#overall definitely very much a banger ough#not something i’d listen to regularly i think but i did really like it cackles. very much what i expected#EAT YOUR YOUNG!!!!! hell yeah dude#i didn’t know eat your young was in this album that’s fascinating#i fuckin love eat your young so much dude top hozier song to me it’s been on my playlist so long#IM STARVIN!! DARLIN!! LET ME PUT MY LIPS TO SOMETHING!!!!!#i dunno it just scratches my brain in some kinda way it bangs it really does#so so rad#especially the chorus i just love how he sings the chorus cackles#and oughhh the music dude#you can’t buy this!! fineness!!#god when he fuckin draws out the “honey i” god#also just like such an interesting song i think#anyway. yeag. eat your young ftw always#answering asks#chair asks#chair!!
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look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed
#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop#if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them#its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad#like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman]#[venus symbol] [flowers]#and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon#my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them#and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever!#hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick#[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah]#like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno#i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl#but. but.#it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them#and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them#re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink.#i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that#periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone#like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd#*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either#idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye#sg.txt
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Thinking about how I treat characters again and wondering about if it's morally permissible to dislike characters as people again. I dunno why my brain does this to me but it's currently half fuzz half "Am I causing damage to the world by believing certain characters are bad people?"
#'their all murderers nott' yeah but is it right for me to view some characters as worse than others????#am I doing irrecoverable harm to like the 3 people who will take me viewing them as people with Issues personally?#Am I assuming myself as someone with more influence than I actually have by worrying about that?#Am I secretly just afraid that people will think I'm dumb and Im just tricking myself into believing I care about anyone?#I dunno#I dunno how to talk to people and I dunno how what I'll say will sound
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I am not ever calling people puritans unless theyre actually saying puritanical shit as christians. I am not doing this. Even in cases where theyre actually wrong and its not just people being mad that teenagers have internet access and are saying their opinions on twitter
#nobody ever looks correct and cool saying 'puriteens'.#Sorry for some reason most of my twitter timeline is people making fun of teenagers so I keep complaining about this#everyone wants to protect trans kids until the trans kids are cringe#also I think going online and talking about how lame the teens are is loser behavior#'haha these kids are all VIRGINS that cant even TALK ON THE PHONE' ok they are 16 years old#also again Ill always say it the idea that you shouldnt be allowed to use the internet until youre a adult#would be fucking evil and would lead to more kids dying because of their abusive parents#like that is what would happen.#also people keep saying well teenagers harass people and like yeah so do adults. Like I dunno man#Im just not convinced theres actually a unique number of harassment campaigns led exclusively by teens#ok sorry done. I get upset about this.
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