#i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit

[pl4n]

from a while back

[fleurriee]

okay but im really scared to dive into this one after how the last one ended… like i know she’s gonna be fine, but is it gonna hurt me?? obviously - it’s u, andra <33

…but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress… and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm.

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it.

got me crying already. neteyam is so bby & your writing makes him so much better 😫

“Thank you, light of my life…”

LIGHT OF MY FUCKING LIFE ANDRA it’s only the second time ive heard this name and already im in love with it. i need to hear it more & i need to hear it now.

You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood.

yeah, but this is an andra story & these things happen. it’s definitely already in her system, im calling it now.

your science brain never ceases to amaze me, andra. ur so smart & the way you incorporate that into ur fics is kinda attractive?? ngl 🤭

…and you had to ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you.

impossible. she’s too innocent. it’s just ewya being goofy & having fun, definitely pushing her closer to neteyam, i can feel it.

And there is was… positive. One second.

wow that’s actually really scary. like i know she’s gonna be okay bc im only chapter 6 lmao but still?? like my heart dropped reading that. u write so well andra <33

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

hmm. my brain is working overtime. should i he worried? i never know with u andra 👀😅

You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty.

i get so sad when i think about how pandora literally could’ve been what earth was like. i’d do anything to go back to a time like that if so, bc it’s just so beautiful and so much simpler. how could we have gone from such ethereality to what we have now? humans man 🥺🙄

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back… he neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck…

TENSION!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him.

um yes please. the way she’s so adamant to reassure herself that she hates him, even going as far to say she’d rather have him kill her?? only to then say in the same sentence she wants to have him all over her body??? she’s struggling but it’s okay bc she’s cute

He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle.

🤧 neteyam deserved the FUCKING WORLD. HE WAS TOO YOUNG FFS

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’eyktan, see him become the man everybody knew he was.

YES U WILL BBY IM MANIFESTING IT!! if she’s not beside him when it happens as his mate, me and u are having words andra

…was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy… he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear…

im salivating. i need them to just fuck now, even if it’s full of anger. it’s been long enough 😫

“Did you tell her?”

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split seconds he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him.

umm??? bro?? this is interesting??? what aren’t we admitting??? should i be nervous???? too many questions, im starting to panic???

He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him… who would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never have to experience these burdens.”

*deep sigh* no thank you. we’re not doing that. we’re gonna move swiftly away from that, vvvv quickly 🥲

Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking into your tent at night and doing Ewya-knows-what…

oooo bby neteyam’s jealous. im a sucker for jealous neteyam so i am RELISHING in this rn.

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? …and you can chose a mate.”

is loak trying to pull?? cause ngl i’d swoon faster than i could moan his name woW THAT BOY

It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek.

With the image now seated into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything — everyone — behind.

😭😭 neteyam u beautiful jealous boy, just TELL HER U LOVE HER!!

i LOVED this andra!! you never fail - your writing is always so beautiful & this was no exception!!

& the little flashbacks u add in every now and again break my heart every single time. bc look how they used to be, and look at them now 🤧

&& what is everyone not telling her?? i feel so out of the loop and idk whether to be excited or nervous. im probably gonna go with the latter bc the way neteyam was ready to throw hands made it a little worrying… this is too much for my heart, andra, im too fragile.

also that whole section of the brothers not understanding one another was amazing, bc you really delved deep into the way they both think about one another. made me sad too bc they really did love one another, but the only way they really showed it was by sacrifices & now we’ll never get to see how that works BC NETEYAM WONT BE THERE

anyway sad feelings aside, ily andra & this was perfect & im so excited to see where you go with this. bc let’s be honest, lo’ak isn’t actually gonna try & steal her away from neteyam right? surely he knows his big bro wants her right???

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love

Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch

Gave you too much but it wasn't enough

But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second. 

���Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body. 

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.” 

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm. 

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively. 

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it. 

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark. 

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room. 

“Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately. 

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine. 

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold. 

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking. 

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.” 

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!” 

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself… 

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.” 

“Thanks, Norm.” 

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

 

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life. 

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible. 

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on. 

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done. 

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you. 

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF  STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes. 

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight. 

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

 

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?” 

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?” 

“No one likes a smartass, you know?” 

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?” 

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?” 

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?” 

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.” 

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud. 

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face. 

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile. 

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?” 

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.” 

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down. 

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him. 

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do. 

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive. 

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.” 

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way. 

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war. 

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.” 

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time. 

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

 

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore. 

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.” 

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline. 

“What happened?” 

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat. 

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.” 

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.” 

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.  

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.” 

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.” 

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds. 

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life. 

You needed to leave, now. 

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.” 

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him. 

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad. 

“Did you tell her?” 

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering. 

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him. 

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?” 

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

 

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

 

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you. 

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.” 

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly. 

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind. 

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night. 

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back. 

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on. 

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth. 

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.” 

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why. 

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach. 

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out. 

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right. 

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side. 

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought. 

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.” 

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week. 

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future. 

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.” 

“Lo’ak…” 

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words. 

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @hayhay9091

[broomballkraken]

Title: Excuses, Excuses

Fandom: Pokemon Sword/Shield

Pairing: Milo/Nessa

Word count: 1996

Warnings: None

Summary: Excuse #1: Milo’s Overwhelming Enthusiasm. Nessa is more than ready to start her career as the Gym Leader of Hulbury. She is not the only one at the beginning of her career, however, and she realizes that the new Gym Leader of Turffield is certainly more than meets the eye.

The roar of the crowd was still ringing in Nessa’s ears as she stepped outside, pausing as she glanced over her shoulder at the massive structure of the Motostoke Stadium. It was still sinking in that she had just been officially introduced to the entire Galar region as the new Gym Leader of Hulbury. She was proud of herself for this achievement, and she hoped that she could prove to be an adequate challenge for anyone who partook in the Gym Challenge. A smile crossed her face as she turned to start heading back to the Budew Drop Inn, but she was interrupted when she smacked right into someone, causing her to yelp and stumble backwards.

“Woah! Watch out!”

A pair of large hands fell onto her shoulders, preventing Nessa from falling over and instead helping her to regain her balance. She glanced at one of the hands that grasped her shoulders, and her gaze slowly moved up a muscular arm and eventually her blue eyes met a pair of green set on a freckled face. The man’s lips were turned down to form a concerned frown, and he tilted his head as he looked her over with a concerned look in his eyes. The movement knocked his hat slightly askew and exposed more of his peach-colored hair.

“Ah, sorry!” Nessa said, a dusting of pink appearing on her cheeks as she averted her gaze, embarrassed. She recognized this man as one of her fellow Gym Leaders, and, like herself, he was also new to the job. She hadn’t had a chance to chat with him inside, as after the ceremony had ended, he had been busy speaking to the new, and very young Gym Leader of Stow-on-Side. She unfortunately could not recall his name.

“I should be the one apologizing!” the man said, the frown on his face replaced with a bright smile that gave Nessa pause, “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine.” she said quickly, shaking her head. “What about you?”

“I’m good!” he said, laughing as he let go of her shoulders and stepped back. “I’m Milo, by the way! You’re...Nessa, right? The Gym Leader of Hulbury?”

“Yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you, Milo.”

“Nice to meet you too!” Milo grinned and held out his hand towards her, and Nessa grinned back as she took his hand and shook it firmly. She was surprised at how much his hand dwarfed her own. “We really didn’t get a chance to talk inside, so I’m glad I ran into you! Uh, well, not the literal part of that. I still feel bad about it…” He let go of her hand and rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly, and Nessa giggled and shook her head.

“Really, it’s okay.”

“Hmm...I know!” Milo said, “Are you hungry at all? Let me treat you to some food as a real apology!” Nessa opened her mouth to protest; he really didn’t need to go to all that trouble for her. However, when she saw the excited glint in his eyes, she couldn’t help but smile and nod.

“All right. I’m actually pretty hungry, now that I think about it.”

“Great! Let’s go! Kabu was telling me about this great hole-in-the-wall diner...”

Nessa smiled as Milo led her deeper into Motostoke, chatting away about the things that they saw and what he had heard from the city’s Gym Leader. From his appearance alone, Nessa had initially thought that Milo looked rather intimidating, due to his broad, muscular stature, but he was anything but. With his cheerful smile and easygoing, friendly attitude, the phrase ‘never judge a book by its cover’ seemed very appropriate in this case.

“Ah! Here it is!” Milo said. Nessa smiled when he held the door open for her, and she stepped inside.

“Welcome! Take a seat wherever you like!” someone called out when Nessa and Milo were both inside. They chose a table by the front window, and they looked over the menu as the waitress went to get their drinks.

“So, Nessa,” Milo asked, and Nessa glanced up at him over her menu, “Have you always lived in Hulbury?”

“Yep. My dad’s a fisherman, and my mom’s been selling his catch at the marketplace for as long as I can remember. Part of the reason that I love water Pokemon so much is because of my father. I used to go fishing with him all the time when I was younger. I still do so when I can, but I’m busier now, especially with my new position as Gym Leader.” Nessa said, beaming with pride. She had always admired her parents and how hard they worked, but she realized that she had been rambling a bit, and a light blush rose on her cheeks.

“That’s great! It sounds like you’re really close with your parents!” Milo said, beaming as he set his menu down and folded his hands together in front of him, “What did you do before you decided to become a Gym Leader?”

“I actually did a lot of modeling. I still take on jobs when I have the time.”

“Oh, I can totally see that. You’re really beautiful, after all!” Nessa blinked at him, her face flushing fully, and she watched a Milo cringed and waved his hands in front of him.

“Oh, s-sorry! Was that a weird thing to say?” he asked, averting his gaze as he tugged nervously on the scarf around his neck. Nessa recovered from her initial shock and smiled warmly, shaking her head.

“It’s okay. I’m flattered, really.” Nessa said, and she chuckled when Milo breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She may have been offended if it was any other man saying something so bold to her out of the blue, but Milo just seemed...so sincere and genuine. It was hard to be upset with him, Nessa was quickly realizing.

The waitress returned with their drinks, and they took the time to order their food. Nessa ordered the seafood platter, while Milo chose the steak and mixed vegetables. Nessa took a sip of her tea, sighing contently as the liquid sent warmth flooding through her chest, and she turned her attention back to Milo.

“What about you, Milo? What do you do besides running the Gym?”

“Well,” Milo started, a toothy grin crossing his face, “I help my parents with their Wooloo farm! It’s a lot of hard work, but I love every minute of it. I’ve been helping mom and dad for as long as I can remember. I’m thinking of incorporating Wooloo herding into my Gym Mission…” Nessa listened to him, her eyes never leaving his. Milo was so...energetic, just bursting with overwhelming enthusiasm with every word that came out of his mouth. Nessa had really never met anyone like him before. She listened with great interest as he gushed more about Wooloo farming, and before long their food was brought out to them.

“Wow! This looks good!” Milo said, digging into his steak right away. “How’s yours, Nessa?”

“It’s good.” she said after taking a bite, “Not as good as the seafood back home, but still not bad at all.”

“Oh yeah! I bet seafood is best when it’s freshly caught!” Milo said, glancing out the window with a wistful look on his face. “I’ve never been to the ocean before. I bet it’s really cool!”

“Well, you could always come and visit me if you want.” The words left Nessa’s mouth before she could really think about what she was saying, and she felt her face heat up. She cleared her throat to cover up how flustered she was starting to feel, and she shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, we are the first two Gym Leaders. It’d make sense for us to get to know each other better and be familiar with our Gyms. It would be useful to be able to give helpful info to challengers too-”

“Wow, really?!?” Nessa’s awkward rambling was cut off when Milo clapped his hands together excitedly as he spoke, “That’d be awesome! I’d love to come visit you sometime! And I’d love it if you visited the farm too! Oh, and my parents would be ecstatic to meet you! They always enjoy good company and you’re really cool and…”

Nessa watched with wide eyes as Milo continued his excited chattering. Meeting his...parents? He thought she was...cool? She didn’t really know how to deal with such raw and unbridled enthusiasm. Nonetheless, she found herself smiling as she continued to listen to him as she ate, and a weird warmth had blossomed in her chest. How odd.

When they had finished their meal and Milo generously paid for it, they both stepped outside. Milo sighed contently and patted his stomach with both hands.

“Wow, that was so good!” he said, smiling as he looked at Nessa. She smiled back and nodded.

“Yeah, it really was. Kabu suggested a great place to eat.”

“You know, there’s this great place in Turffield that makes the best pastries. I’ll have to take you there when you visit.”

“I’d like that. I’ll take you to an authentic seafood place in return.”

“Yes! I’m so ready for that!”

They walked back to the inn together, and all too quickly Nessa found herself outside of the door to her room. She frowned slightly at the thought of parting from Milo so soon, and she was curious as to why she felt so sad about it.

“Oh, Nessa!” Milo said as he took out his phone, “Let’s exchange numbers! That way we can make plans to meet and stuff!” She nodded and entered her number in his phone, and he did the same with hers.

“Well, it’s getting kinda late, and I’m pretty tired.” Nessa said, a large yawn escaping her.

“Right. It was really nice to meet you, Nessa!” Milo said, beaming as he suddenly wrapped his arms around Nessa and pulled her into a hug. She blinked in surprise at first, but she soon found herself hugging him back with a smile on her face.

“Same here, Milo.” she said when he pulled away. “I have a feeling that we’ll get along really well.”

“Yeah? Well, me too! I think we’re gonna be great friends!” Milo said, grinning ear-to-ear as he placed his hands on his hips. “Have a good night, Nessa! Maybe we can meet for breakfast tomorrow before we leave town?”

“I’d like that. Goodnight, Milo.” Nessa said. He shot her one last smile before he turned and headed down the hall to his room. She watched him go until he disappeared around the corner, and she finally entered her own room. A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over her, and she quickly readied herself for bed and nestled herself into a cocoon of pillows and blankets. She had let her Drednaw out of his pokeball, and he was already snoring loudly from his place on the floor.

Nessa heard her phone buzz on the nightstand, and she picked it up to read the message, which was from Milo.

‘Hey Nessa! I just wanted to say again that today was really fun! Looking forward to tomorrow, goodnight!’

Nessa smiled as she read. Milo really was an interesting man. She had never met someone so excited to be her friend. It was a good feeling, and Nessa really liked him too. The warm feeling in her chest from earlier was back again, and she brushed it off as being unused to Milo’s uncommon, overwhelming enthusiasm. Yeah, that was it.

‘I had a good time too, Milo. You have a good night!’

Milo responded right away with a smiley face, and she returned it. With that, her phone fell silent. She put it away and finally drifted off to sleep, with a large smile on her face. A certain green-eyed, peach-haired farm boy visited her dreams that night, and Nessa was very okay with that.

[minblush]

A flaw in your theory about JM: The day JM collides w/ the girl (TG) is the same day as when he's in the rain, but it's not at the same time of day. JM, JH, & TG wear the same clothes during the whole vid, but it seems that the moment JM collides with TG is more than likely at the same time JH & TG were dancing together b/c the lighting in the studio is the same in both scenes, where as when JM is dancing by himself, it's dark, & @1:34 it's empty & storming. That's when JM is running in the rain

Anonymous said:(right after the scene where he’s dancing alone). So the theory of JM colliding with TG, & JH swooping by while JM is cleaning himself up, and then JM seeing that she’s gone & goes out into the rain after her doesn’t line up. Also, it seems a bit weird that Jimin would have collided with her, seen her lying on the floor unconscious, but decide to clean himself up first before checking on her & helping, especially if she’s important to him lol

i saw it more like that they were there together and jimin had no issue leaving for a bit because hobi was there to tend to her, but you’re right it doesn’t align with the lighting, that is a strong element and pretty much the only part of the videos so far that to me offers room for interpretation… but hm honestly the more i think about it the less sense to me it makes at the moment akdjsk, the girl did appear in the dark room… hmm… HMM!! was it just a stylistic choice to show they both had an accident at the same time? or like you say, it was at different times, but then who did jimin chase after, why did he look disappointed? is it because there is some different connection between him and her like the other theories suggest? or maybe… i’m just tired and don’t even get you right anymore? ajkdsd my brain is frying… but akjds hmm…HMM… you raise very good points…i kinda wanna theorize even more but at this point i feel like it’s pointless because we might get the answer soon dakjsd man i am tired, but this gives me hope there really is more to it ;-; thank you

Anonymous said:Hiya!I just wanna say thank u so much for sharing with us ur opinions~I really like how u present ur thoughts and argument n since it’s something that i’m lacking i’m learning alot from u.Abt Jimin’s story,I read somewhere on utube comments of Jose’s reaction vid that they say Jimin’s actually trying to get Hoseok’s love or attention like how it was supposed to be before, and he’s recording n learning dance move trying to incorporate the girl’s essence into him seeing how easily Hobi’s moving on

i’m just rambling tbh ;; but thank you! and i did hear of that theory, it didn’t align with what i personally saw in it but we will see, it might be right, thanks for sharing ♥♥

Anonymous said:aw-kookie made a theory here on tumblr and honestly it’s the one i like best, you should give it a look :D

i read it and wow that’s really cool! i really hope it’s something along that vein, i just really need bighit to be a tiny bit more explicit about it because so far most of it was presented on a very shallow surface level, except for jimin there is little room for some more abstract interpretation based purely on the plot elements we got so far, but i’m hoping! thanks for sharing♥ you’re giving me a bit more hope lol

Anonymous said:Jimin’s part of the reel is that he wishes to be Hoseok or maybe the girl that he watches her, wishing he was the one dancing with her. He keeps practicing and watching them practice from the sides. He continues to practice and practice very hard, he gets hurt and collapsed. When he practices alone, slowly it became the girl who took his part beside Hoseok. She collapsed too, and Hoseok tries to save her as he is the one that is selfless. (con.)Anonymous said:(con.) Jimin is with an umbrella but is wet may signify his weariness of all this. Though he tries, he still gets soaked in rain. Though he works hard, he is never going to be Hoseok or someone as good for the girl to admire. Turning back shows he has given up and he lies being okay as a person just watching from the sidelines. Its just a theory ^^ll Ps: I love you and your blog and your views are always interesting 💖💖 You and your blog is amazing ❤️ have a beautiful day ❤️✨🌻

that is a cool interpretation as well! i’m in awe with you guys, because from what we got everything i could come up with was very basic because i’ve been feeling like bighit left very little for imagination, but maybe i’m just lacking in that department reading what you all are coming up with ;; thank you for liking my blog and stuff hahfdasj♥♥ thank you a lot, you have a great day too

yinxiongs said:I really appreciate your open mind and positive responses! It’s refreshing to see someone that can disagree respectfully. Cheers~

aw, thank you 3: honestly i’m just rambling and venting a lot and then i like discussing things, so i’m always trying to be open minded and mostly nice, even if i disagree, still i kinda feel like most people dislike me anyways since i fail sometimes (i can get brash) and since i talk and complain so much and since so many people unfollow whenever i talk ;-; so i really appreciate this message ♥ thank you

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

I bet you didn’t think that by “incredibly soon” I meant about a day later, huh? Truth be told I felt kinda bad about the previous chapter because it was mostly just a filler chapter to speed the plot along and show some time passing, but this one and the next couple chapters deliver some seriously flirty vibes and drama (at least in my opinion) and the words just kept coming so I decided to seize the opportunity and post this ASAP.

I also found this chapter rather cathartic to write because I am still incorporating a lot of myself and my experiences into Rae and the story overall, so I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! This chapter is at about 2,994 words, which is right on track with my goal of making each mini-fic 3,000 words or less!

Wanna get caught up on the updates leading up to this one? Look no further!

Feel free to let me know if you would like to be added/removed from the tagged list and I’ll be happy to oblige! As always: each and every one of you that read my writing, like, reply, reblog, etc. are amazing people and inspire me to keep writing! :)

Just a Touch of Sweetness

Friday and Saturday sort of just blurred together, as Rae slowly began falling into the routine of Finn sitting with her and Izzie whenever they all worked together, but by Sunday afternoon when Rae walked into her apartment after a long day at work, she felt completely and utterly exhausted—both mentally and physically.

It was mid-November, which meant that the holidays were approaching and things at work were quickly becoming more hectic. To make matters worse, that also meant that there was less than a month left in this semester of Uni, which was making Rae feel relieved but incredibly overwhelmed simultaneously. It seemed as though all of her classes had suddenly announced the final projects and assignments that were swiftly approaching and the stress of everything was becoming too much for Rae to handle.

As much as Rae wanted to just turn on some music and relax in a desperate attempt to ease her worries about school, she knew that procrastination would only exacerbate the stress she was currently feeling with knowing that she had assignments due that evening in both of her online classes, as well as an upcoming exam in her Economics class that has been the bane of her existence this entire semester.

Groaning and sighing dramatically as she turned on her laptop and opened up Spotify, preparing herself to work on her assignments without stopping until she had finished everything that was due at midnight, Rae pressed play on her go-to playlist that she had made to match her mood this time of year, aptly titled “Falling…”, and began trudging her way through the list of assignments she needed to get done.

Hours had passed when Rae finally submitted the last assignment she needed to complete prior to midnight.

Thank fuck that is finally over with!

Rae was still feeling overwhelmed by everything she had coming up in her classes as she attempted to prioritize her upcoming assignments and she could feel her breath catch as the panic and feelings of self-doubt and fear of failing out of Uni this semester crept in. To an extent, Rae knew that she was taking on too much responsibility going to Uni full-time, working part-time, and becoming financially independent after moving away from her family to attend Uni. She had incredibly high expectations for herself and she could not even fathom letting herself down by falling behind in her classes or losing the academic scholarship that was the only reason why attending University was even a possibility for Rae.

Knowing that she had to calm down before she had a proper panic attack, Rae gripped the edge of the desk in her bedroom she was sitting at tightly and began counting quietly under her breath, attempting to regulate her breathing.

Just breathe, Rae…In 2-3-4-5-6-7-8, Out 2-3-4-5-6-7-8, In 2-3-4…Out 2-3-4….In…Out…

When her breathing was almost back to normal, her grip on the edge of her desk loosened and she flexed her fingers that had begun to cramp from how tightly they were clenched.

Despite calming down slightly, Rae knew that listening to music could only do so much to help her relax, so Rae turned to the next biggest comfort and sense of enjoyment in her life: food.

Rae has had a strange relationship with food for as long as she could remember. She had a tendency to overeat to the point of being sick to cope with stress and sadness as a child; however, as she grew older and her self-esteem plummeted as bullying “the fat girl” was a more common occurrence at college, Rae began to not eat in front of strangers. This continued until she also refused to eat in front of people that were not her family, until eventually she skipped meals entirely on a regular basis.

For years she struggled to find some semblance of balance because she knew the dangers she faced from both binging and skipping meals, that is until she found a way that she could love food without the temptation and regret she had previously associated it with.

When Rae was 16 years old she discovered that her casual interest in cooking was a true passion and she had quite a knack for it. As she continued cooking for her family and friends and experimenting with new foods and new recipes, Rae gained a new appreciation for food as a form of art and expression that did not lead to her hating herself afterwards. And so even now, nearly 4 years later, Rae would go on “stress baking” and “stress cooking” sprees to help clear her mind and get relieve stress.

Hmm…what shall I bake today…?

Rae walked into the small kitchen in her apartment and perused her cabinets trying to determine what she had the ingredients to make before grabbing her phone off of the counter to get a second opinion.

Rae: Hiya Izz, random question: Do you like cupcakes?

Rae set her phone back down on her kitchen counter and it buzzed almost immediately indicating that Izzie had already replied.

Izzie: OF COURSE I DO, RAE. All sweet things beckon to me! <3 <3 <3

Rae: Lol…In that case, I just might have a sweet surprise for you tomorrow before work! ;)

Rae returned her phone to its place on the kitchen counter, making a mental note to read Izzie’s response as soon as she had a spare moment after getting the cupcakes started.

Two hours later Rae was putting the finishing touches on the three dozen cupcakes she had made and examining them to determine if there was anything else she should add to them.

Hmm…chocolate cupcakes with a chocolate-hazelnut filling and a cream cheese buttercream…Well, you can never go wrong with a little more chocolate!

Rae proceeded to drizzle the top of each cupcake with the remainder of the chocolate she had incorporated into the filling she had made. She quickly cleaned up the last traces of her late night baking, licking the spoons used to mix the batter and taking pride in the perfect balance of sweetness and rich chocolate flavor she had achieved on this particular batch of cupcakes.

By the time she finished tidying up the kitchen a bit, it was just past 2am and Rae decided it best to get some sleep, fully aware that she had to go to work early the next morning.

***

Rae walked into work well over 15 minutes earlier than she typically arrived, especially on a Monday morning, and took a seat at one of the tables in the break room before retrieving her cellphone from the bottom of her purse to browse her social media accounts.

Uninterested in what she saw while scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, Rae set her phone to the side and began examining the small white box containing the cupcakes she had brought to work for a few of her coworkers until she head the door to the break room open.

“Whoa…Finn, you’re here really early today, aren’t ya?” Rae asked raising an eye brow as Finn walked toward the table she was sitting at with a massive grin.

“Good morning to you too, Mae,” Finn replied, feigning that he took offense to what she had said to him.

“Oh, don’t be that way Finn! It’s good to see you, I just didn’t anticipate you being here so early.”

Rae noticed that Finn stood in front of the table she was sitting at and was shifting awkwardly from one foot to another, biting the skin on his thumb subconsciously.

Why does Finn seem nervous? It’s just me after all, he’s got nothing to be nervous about.

“Finn, you know you can take a seat at the table with me is you want to, right?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry…” Finn pulled the chair nearest to Rae out from under the table before sitting down and giving her a small close-lipped smile to help hide some of the embarrassment he was feeling.

“I just didn’t know if you’d be okay with me sitting down at the table with ya or not…” He trailed off until he was barely mumbling and went right back to biting the skin around his thumb.

Rae and Finn sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until he lightly tapped the top of the square box she had sitting in the center of the table.

“What’s in the box, Rae?” he asked, clearly curious but resisting the urge to open the box and take a look for himself.

“This box, my dear Finnley,” she began but stopped to smirk at her use of the nickname she knew he secretly hated, opening the box to let both of them see its contents, “contains some of the Chocolate Hazelnut cupcakes that I baked last night and brought for some people here at work.”

“Ah, alright…wait, did you say you MADE these? They look like they’re professional quality! How’s that possible!?” Finn exclaimed, making no attempts to hide his surprise and how impressed he was that these cupcakes were homemade.

“Yeah, I like to cook and bake when I’m upset or stressed, and I’ve been pretty overwhelmed with Uni lately, so last night I did some stress baking. I still have a lot to learn about baking and decorating cakes, but thank you, I tried to make them look halfway decent at least.”

“‘Halfway decent’? Are you shitting me, Mae? These cupcakes are perfect looking! Why in the hell would you want to share these with other people? If I were you I’d just keep them all for myself…”

Rae tensed slightly, trying to determine the best way to respond to Finn without making him think that she was weird.

Careful what you say, Rae...one wrong thing and Finn will always see me as some crazy, fat blob.

“Uh, well I love to cook, but I don’t have much of an appetite for sweets. So whenever I bake a lot, like I did last night, I give most of what I make to people here at work.”

Finn nodded and continued examining the cupcakes that still sat in the white cardboard box while Rae tried to read Finn’s face and figure out what he thought of the explanation she had given.

“Hiya Rae! Morning Finn…you two are here quite early today!” Izzie mused excitedly as she pulled out the chair at the table across from Rae and Finn and sat down, nearly bouncing with her usual level of energy that seemed impossible this early on a Monday.

Both simply shrugged in response, which made Izzie laugh because she could almost swear they were the same person at times with how similar they are.

“Izzie! I have a surprise for you, love, as promised…” Rae opened the box containing the cupcakes, showing Izzie the sweet surprise she had brought for her today.

“Oh my god, Rae! These look amazing! And you made and decorated these yourself!?” Izzie removed a cupcake from the box to examine it further.

“I was just telling Rae the same thing when she showed me the cupcakes! It’s not just me that thinks you’re insanely talented, girl,” Finn replied, playfully poking Rae’s arm to further prove his point to her.

Rae stood up from the table, cheeks blushing a deep red color, and pushed the now vacant chair back under the table, thoroughly embarrassed by Izzie and Finn’s praise and acknowledgment of her baking skills.

“Well, I’m gonna head inside and get to work now. Are you planning to stay out here to eat a cupcake, Izz?”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind saving my seat for me, Rae…These look too good and I can’t wait much longer to give them a taste!”

Rae giggled and informed Izzie that she would save her a seat but Rae expected to get Izzie’s feedback on the cupcake as soon as she finished.

“Hey, wait up, girl!” Finn walked hurriedly towards where Rae stood holding open the break room door, allowing him to catch up to her.

Finn gave Rae a huge smile, making her chuckle, and walked beside her toward the seat to the right of Izzie and Rae that has become his regular spot to sit for almost a week. As they passed the radio in the corner of the room, Finn stopped to turn it to Rae’s favorite Alternative music station, which earned him an appreciative nod and genuine smile from Rae.

Just as Rae and Finn got logged into their computers and began getting settled in to answer customer questions, Izzie came bounding through the door, scanning her badge in the process, before rushing to take her seat on Rae’s left.

“Rae, holy shit that cupcake was amazing!”

“Izzie!” Rae exclaimed, laughing at the sound of Izzie cursing, which was a very rare phenomenon.

“I’m serious, Rae! I don’t know how you did it, but that cupcake from the filling to the decorations, to the cake itself were fantastic!”

“Well thank you Izz, I’m really happy to hear you enjoyed it!”

The three of them continued working, only occasionally stopping when Rae and Finn bickered about their opinions of the song currently playing on the radio or when Izzie brought up how delicious the cupcake had been and how tempted she was to take another one during her break that was coming up shortly.

Rae was quickly becoming accustomed to the new dynamic between her and Finn, especially considering that she had been prepared for the worst following the mixed messages she received from Finn last Monday. Sitting next to Finn this week and talking to him more at work than she has heard him speak in the month she had been working here has allowed Rae and Izzie to get to know Finn a little bit better and Rae could almost say she considered him one of her mates.

When Izzie sat back down at her desk after coming in from her break, she turned towards Rae hesitantly, avoiding eye contact.

“Rae…I hope you aren’t too mad at me, but after giving Rebecca the cupcake you saved for her, I ate another one of the cupcakes you brought while I was on break.”

“Don’t worry about it, Izz! I brought them specifically for my friends here at work and I have plenty more at my apartment if you want more. Just let me know!”

“Aw, thanks Rae, I’d really appreciate that!”

Izzie returned to responding to customers and Rae turned in her desk chair when she noticed that Finn was locking his computer.

“Are you about to go on break, Finn?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just wanted to let you know that if you want a cupcake before Izz eats them all herself, you are more than welcome to take one. I felt like a real dickhead about teasing you with them and not even offering you one,” Rae replied, apologizing for her inadvertent rudeness and lack of manners by not offering Finn a cupcake as well this morning.

“Are you sure I can take one, Rae? You don’t have to give me one if ya don’t want to…”

“Of course I’m sure,” Rae interrupted, “I want to know if it lives up to your expectations or not!” Rae winked at Finn, causing him to gulp audibly and clear his throat before stuttering out his reply.

“Uh, wow…thanks, Rae! You just made my day! I know it’s gonna be amazing because that cupcake looked fucking amazing, but I’m going to give you really detailed feedback, okay? Because I really love critiquing stuff like this like they do in those cooking show competitions.”

“Hell yeah, I love those shows! Don’t spare my feelings either, I want to know what you really think of them.” Rae added, laughing at the childlike excitement Finn was emanating at the mere mention of the cupcakes.

“In that case, Mae, I will be sure to be EXTRA hard on you…err…your cupcakes, I mean…uhhh…I’m just gonna go now!” Finn hurried away, avoiding eye contact with Rae as he walked out the door in the direction of the break room.

Well…that certainly was an interesting choice of words, Finnley…

When Finn returned fifteen minutes later and sat back down in his seat, Rae was already turned in her desk chair facing Finn with her arm propped up beside his computer screen and her chin resting on her hand.

“So Finnley…what did you think?” She asked, biting her lower lip slightly as she braced herself for his feedback.

“Well Mae,” he began placing emphasis on his nickname for her that he knew got on her nerves, “I thought it was pretty fucking fantastic!  I noticed that the cupcake itself was hardly sweet at all, it was mostly just the filling and frosting on top that added sweetness.”

“Thanks, Finn. I’ve always hated things that are too sweet so I always try to focus the sweetness on certain aspects of what I’m making. That way there is just a touch of sweetness and it isn’t overwhelmingly sweet…Was there anything else you would have wanted different about them?”

“Well, don’t get me wrong Rae, I really liked the cupcake,” he prefaced, trying to soften the blow of his critique to follow, “but I really would have like there to be more filling on the inside.”

“Oh, and why is that Finn? Was it not sweet enough for you as it was?” Rae asked quirking her eyebrow in anticipation for his answer.

“It was plenty sweet, but knowing that there was a filling in it, I was kind of hoping to get it all over my mouth and face while I was eating it…I like it a little dirty, you know?” Finn smirked and gave her a quick wink when he noticed Rae’s eyes widen at the double entendre in his statement.

Are you shitting me right now? Finn Nelson, you will be the death of me, I just know it...

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