#yeah i am rambling because i am actually stressed out at the idea of going to check my health i don't like it and i don't know the protocols

[rapha-reads]

My ankle has been bothering me for a few weeks now, at least 4 or 5, and because it's not the first time, I didn't do anything about it and just waited for it to go away on its own like it usually does, but for the past couple of weeks it's been hurting me more and more, and the past 3 or 4 days I've been standing around for hours on end at work, mediating the exhibition hall, and now it's visibly swollen and hurts even when I'm not walking, so everybody's telling me to go check it, and I myself said I'd go to the ER to get it checked, because I don't have a doctor, but also I've never been to the ER on my own and I have no idea how it works, and there's definitely going to be a long ass wait, and because it's just a swollen ankle I'll definitely be very low priority so I might wait 4 or 5 or more hours, and do I even want to spend my Monday like that? Like, how serious a swollen ankle is, you know, I can walk and it's fiiiiine.

Arf. I can feel it hurting and pinching even without moving my feet. I'm gonna have to go, isn't it? I hate this. I never go to the doctor, any time there's something not okay, I just wait for it to go away or let it be or swallow a couple of ibuprofen and call it a day...

Yeah, me and getting my health checked are not even acquaintances. Once I had a very severe anemia for more than 2 years, almost no iron left at all, and it's only when I started a job and the work doctor I was forced to see said "uuuuh, we gotta check your blood" that it got treated. I have an allergy to something, I don't know what, that makes me blow my nose and cough up phlegm all year long, I always say "yeah, I should check it out" and never do, my ankle often hurts for no reason like right now, I should check my iron again because I'm pretty sure it's lowered again, but am I going to do all of that? No because on one hand I don't know how the health system works and on the other hand every time I tried getting an appointment with a doctor it's never worked.

Anyway. Should get some sleep first. Especially if I'm going to get up at the crack of dawn to get to the hospital. Ugh. Not how I wanted to spend my day off after 6 days of non stop work.

[pintrestgrl]

loved your bsf!jj drabble!!!!! maybe a little drunken love confession from bsf!jj … and reader thinks its lowkey too good to be true bc she’s been yearning forever… but when they both sober up jj is like !!! i meant wtf i said !

hi i wrote this and then it completely disappeared. sigh. also im sorry if this is bad, i was half asleep bc i spent forever writing it the first time.

also i’m sorry for being inactive yesterday i was so so stressed nd had cramps and was dying… but hi !! hope u like this anon 🥹

note: after writing this, i rlly don’t like it. but i pray u guys do 😞

drunk!bsf!jj x pogue!reader.

“here, drink this.”

you spoke, shoving a glass of water into jj’s chest, sitting down next to him on the couch of the chateau.

he was clearly very wasted, and you were only a slight bit tipsy.

you two had both went out to the boneyard together, the rest of the group out doing god knows what.

he rambled on about not wanting to drink it, before giving in and chugging the clear liquid.

“thank god, you’re annoying when you’re drunk.”

“no, ‘m not. you are.”

“at least i’m not sloppy wasted, unlike somebody.”

“whatever. guilty by association.”

he spoke, slurring his words and laughing drunkenly.

“i’m not associated with you, you wish.”

“you’re my bestfriend, of course you are.”

he spoke, rolling his eyes amused at your denying.

you managed to let out a fake chuckle, silently cringing inside as he called you that. were you really only his ‘friend’ to him?

you wished to be so much more, and he had no idea whatsoever.

you were snapped out of your thoughts by his voice, drunkenly rambling again.

“thanks for the water. that was like, kinda sweet.”

“sweet?” you question, laughing as you furrowed your brows.

“yeah. you’re a sweet girl, i swear.”

you opened your mouth to protest, before being interrupted before you got the chance.

“you’re kinda pretty too.”

you froze at his words.

pretty?

that’s the last word you thought jj would use to describe you; at least to your face.

“what?”

“actually, no. you are pretty. very pretty.”

“jj, you’re drunk.”

“yeah, i am. and you’re pretty. probably beautiful if i could think right now.”

“you don’t mean that.”

“no, i do. i definitely do. i don’t know why you don’t have a boyfriend. or why i’m too dumb to ask you out.”

you were completely baffled at this point, trying to find any truth in his words. and to your surprise, he sounded genuine. drunk, but genuine.

you had liked him forever, and this was the most he’d ever showed any reciprocation.

you were always too scared to say anything, afraid of his rejection and what it would do to your friendship.

so, you opted for having some of him, rather then none at all.

“do you even understand a word you’re saying?”

you spoke, desperately needing to know if he was just drunkenly saying bullshit, or revealing the truth of how he felt.

“yeah, i do. you’re a sweet girl who is too pretty to not have a boyfriend. i mean, god. your face is perfect.”

“jj, shut up. stop.”

“no, you shut up. let me talk. i think i like you.”

“i’d hope so, considering i’m your bestfriend.”

“no, no. like actually like you. like seriously.”

you desperately were trying to deny his words, convincing yourself this was a dream and you needed to wake up.

“you think you like me?”

“no, i actually know i do. like a lot.

“jay, you’re joking.”

he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“can you let me be serious about one thing in my life? i mean, god. i’m not joking. i’m serious. serious about this, about you.”

you could tell he was probably getting agitated the way you kept denying him, the way his mood shifted from amusedly drunk, to pissed off.

“why don’t you sleep the ‘liking me’ off, yeah?”

it took a while, but you convinced him to just go to bed. and as he layed in the next room over, you couldn’t get over his words.

was he trying to get in your pants because he was wasted, or was he serious about liking you?

you knew the thought would keep you up all night if you let it, so you decided to drop it from your brain, drifting off to a light sleep.

next morning.

you woke up groggily, a slight hangover lingering on your body. once you registered everything, you decided to go to the room next door, consisting of a likely just as hungover jj.

you opened the door, sitting on john b’s his bed, silently shaking him awake.

you knew he’d probably get all mad, but you needed him to help you clear the lingering thought in your head.

he groaned, mumbling a sleepy short sentence.

“what do you need?”

“can we talk?”

“speak or forever hold your peace, stupid.”

you rolled your eyes at his tired insult, reluctantly continuing with your words.

“uh— last night, you told me some stuff. like that you liked me, thought i was pretty and stuff. were you serious?”

he shot up as the words spilled out, immediately sitting against the headboard.

“i told you that?”

“yeah, you did.”

“shit— um, well yeah. kinda. in a way.”

“kinda?”

“no. not kinda.”

he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

he spoke again, sounding embarrassed.

“yes. i did. i meant it. every word. ‘m sorry. i didn’t mean to— jesus, fuck.”

“no, it’s fine, uh— i ‘kinda’ like you too.”

you said, letting the words come out before you thought about their weight.

“kinda? you’re serious?”

“yes, i’m serious. and not kinda, i didn’t mean that. i like you a lot.”

“shut up.”

“i’m serious, i do.”

“well, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“i don’t know. i was nervous.”

a silence filled the room, not awkward. just waiting for someone to figure out the right thing to say.

finally, jj spoke.

“uh— i’m like really hungover.”

you rolled your eyes at the subject change, finding it just like him to do something like that.

“that’s what your gonna say?”

“no, fuck—sorry. can you just sleep in here with me so i can think straight after?”

“you could’ve just said that.”

“well, i just did, didn’t i?”

“i guess. and yeah, i can. scoot over.”

he awkwardly listened to your demand, not used to the feeling of you knowing about his thoughts of you.

you both fell unconscious soon after, unknowingly shiftinging your bodies closer as you slept.

you slept for another hour or two, limbs tangled and intertwined together as your mind tried to decipher if this was a dream, or if your head was really resting on your bestfriends chest.

[aaron-m-geist-ff]

NOT EVEN GONNA LIE ZODIAC ASKS ARE SUCH A COOL IDEA!!! 😭 AFTER STALKING YOUR PROF- AHEM SORRY- READING YOUR WORK- couldn't resist the irresistible energy to toss my hat into the ring *wink wonk*. A-KNEE-WAYZ we're twinning- I'm a gemini tooo 🤭🔫 and honestly I would love something fluffy (tho I wouldn't say no to some smut either teeheee) life's been stressful lately :(( I'm pretty new to the fandom so I'm rather curious to see what you'll give me 👀...OH and I use she/they pronouns :))

PS: May I ask you what your favorite flower is?

PPS: Your writing is phenomenal, imma go stalk your ao3 later

Signed,

Your newest supporter.

Omg your ask made me smile so much because of how absolutely unhinged it is 😂you can stalk me all you want! And I could already tell you were a Gemini just from the first sentence 🤣A-KNEE-WAYZ, I will give you what you want now!

Ps: I like white daisies and any red flower ☺️

Pps: thank you for supporting me so strongly, twin!🩷💅🏻

_______________________________________________

You got…🥁🥁🥁

Satoru Gojo!

“Oh my god!! And then, you will never believe what happened next, my co-worker actually told me that her step daughter got cheated on! Isn’t that crazy?! I was so shocked, clutching my pearls and everything!” You continued to ramble on and on about one of your crazy stories.

Gojo sat there with his blindfold on, taking a sip of his soda as he listened patiently.

“Satoru, are you even listening to me?” You stopped telling your story all of a sudden to ask the question.

“Am I talking too much?” You asked. You were beginning to feel insecure. In the past, people used to straight up start ignoring you because of how much you talked. You really valued your boyfriend’s opinion of you and didn’t want him to end up disliking you for some reason. You couldn’t hide the concerned look on your face.

Gojo chuckled.

“Nah, baby. Talk all you want. I’m listening~”

He sounded so fucking dominant when he said that. It actually made your cheeks start to heat up. You weren’t one to get flustered easily, but having Gojo order you to talk more did stupid things to your Gemini brain.

Gojo smirked when he saw your blush. He rested his chin on his hand, leaning back on the couch.

“In fact…Come sit on my lap while you continue that story of yours.”

Gojo’s voice was so attractive to you. It made you nervous. And the idea of sitting on his lap made your heart do a flip in your chest. As a Gemini, you have a tendency to be a little too flighty. Your mind is often all over the place. Gojo enjoys being your anchor.

You sat on his lap, facing him as you straddled him. Your cheeks were flushing so much out of embarrassment. You swallowed thickly, wrapping your arms around Gojo’s neck.

“Right…So, anyway…W-where was I in the story? I think I lost my train of thought-“ you stuttered.

Gojo’s large hands moved to grip your ass. He squeezed it casually.

“Your co-worker’s step daughter got cheated on and you clutched your imaginary pearls,” he said with a short laugh.

You giggled, trying to ignore the arousal flowing through you.

“Y-yeah! Sounds about right!” You chirped cheerfully. It made you really happy that Gojo remembered those little details. He seemed to pay attention to you just like he promised. It made your heart feel warm to be appreciated in such a way.

_____

“Ha…Y-yes…Right there, Satoru-“

You moaned quietly, your face pressed into Gojo’s neck as you rode his cock. You could feel the tip pressing into your special spot, sending little shocks of pleasure through you.

“And what happened next in the story?” Gojo teased lowly, uttering the words right beside your ear.

You whined. “Satoruuu! I can’t….ha, fuck… I can’t talk-“

You were always quite vocal during sex, and how could you not be?? Gojo fucked you too well. He chuckled at your pathetic response.

“Oh? My little Gemini can’t talk anymore? Must feel really intense, babe.”

Gojo gripped your hips as he began to fuck you from below, pushing his cock up into your tight entrance. He moaned under his breath, getting lost in the feeling as he thrusted roughly without any hesitation.

“Fuck…Gonna fill you up, princess.”

[lovelywetdreamer]

Hello how have you been ? I hope you're well .

You could write something about Dick Grayson with a Valentine's Day theme, like Dick with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

Fluff, just love, slight mention of smut.

Please ❤️🔥

Chocolate and Dick Grayson is perfect for Valentine's Day

I'm getting over the flu. Thank you for asking. Happy Valentines day

"Me stressed? No, no I'm completely fine." That was a big fat. Anyone can tell because you have sweat coming down your forehead like a river. You can't but feel stressed every time it comes to buying Dick a gift for Valentine's Day. How on Earth do you buy a guy whose father is literally a millionaire? Yeah, it's impossible.

"Okay, okay I lied. I am stressed Starfire. I don't what to get Dick for Valentine's Day. I am out of all ideas."

"Oh, I got the idea. Get him something from the heart or an actual heart."

" A homemade gift is perfect by the way humans don't usually like actual hearts, Starfire."

You asked Raven to teach you how to knit and crochet a scarf for Dick. He had been complaining about how cold the night patrol had gotten. Raven's scarf looks professional while yours looks like you made it with your eyes closed. You can't throw out and make a new one. You have no time; you got to see Dick at his place for your guy's Valentine's Day plan.

Bandages all over your hands were the first thing Dick's noticed. "What happened to you?! Who did to you?!" Dick asks while examing your hands. Your hand wasn't as bad as he thought. Just tiny scratches coming from the knitting needles.

"Noone. I was knitting and wanted to give you something from the heart." You say presenting him with a blue scarf barely staying together. You immediately wanted to chuck your gift out the window, but Dick beats you the punch by taking the scarf. He admires it with tears in his eyes.

"This is the best gift I have ever received. Baby, this put my gift to shame." He really did love your gift. He already wrapping it around his neck. "I hope you like my two gifts."

He came out with the most beautiful diamond necklace and for some reason a wheelchair. He presents the necklace to you with his hand all nervous and sweating. His face was a reddish thing you have ever seen.

"Dick, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Before we continue, what is the wheelchair for?"

"Really?"

"Of course! I had never seen such a beautiful thing in my life."

"Whew! Haha, I'm glad you love it", he fell to his knees," It's my mom's necklace. It's the only thing I have left of her. I was worried you were going to hate it. It is outdated. It just means the world to m-

A kiss stops him rambling. " Love the gift and feels so honored." Turn out Dick was more stressed than you about his Valentine's gift to you.

"You're gonna need it after I get done with you, my dear." He says as he throws you in the bed. You did need that wheelchair after he got done with you. Body sores in all the right places and not being able to walk for a week straight.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone and please eat a lot of chocolate.

DC made this wonderful art.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hi! So this isn’t exactly a request, more or less me just sharing thoughts/rambling. So it’s common knowledge that humans pack bond with damn near anything that they find cute, right? It’s human nature, to just look at a cute delivery robot and go “yeah, this is family now”. And I think this is a double edged sword because that’s what causes things attachment issues and the like.

How do you think team prime would react to something like this happening with the trouble trio? Like the kids eventually (inevitably) look at them and decide that these giant robots are their family and they will NOT let them go. Would the bots be confused? Or would they accept it and move on with minimal questioning. Personally I think that at first it would be awkward until the bots learn of how humans work, and then they realize that this is just how people work, and they accept it with time.

I think it has some really good potential for both fluff and angst.

Anyways I really love the blog! I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and all of them are very nice to go through and think about! :D -🦌 anon

OOooh! I really really like this thought. The human kiddos getting attached and the bots having to figure out how to manage that makes me happy. And thank you anon for your kind words! I am glad you like my posts!

Cybertronian Views on Relationships

Cybertronians are functionally immortal, they do not die from any sort of frame deterioration except in rare cases, and their sparks blaze on until forcefully extinguished. As such their views on some concepts are rather skewed to match up with their long lifespans. Time is one of those things, they simply do not see it the same way as humans. Days are fleeting moments, weeks are little more than a flash to them, years are but months in their view, and vorns are the closest they have to an actual measurement of time that matters. They see everything in a far longer view, planning for centuries into the future more often than not.

Despite the war forcing their views on time to match those of humans more closely, their ideas regarding friendship, family, and other bonds have not changed. Bonds are a sacred thing, they are not made in a day nor do they break easily. It takes years for a sparkling to bond to their Caretaker despite the Caretaker in question doing everything to love and care for them. While other species may find it strange, for Cybertronians it is completely normal since the sparkling does not have any actual relation to them prior to a bond forming. Not only that, but if the sparkling and Caretaker do not match it would be terrible for them to be stuck together when it clearly does not suit either party. They have eternity ahead of them, having a good family is more important than any benefits an immediate bond may bring. Unlike species who reproduce on their own and have an instinctual bond with their offspring for survival reasons, Cybertronians, while still feeling affection for their young counterparts, still need to put in effort to bond with their sparklings.

Friendships take even longer to form, anywhere from vorns to centuries. Cybertronians naturally tend to group together, its part of their code, a way to ensure they survive. And so they can easily be amicable with one another, but a proper friendship does not form until two bots can safely determine that the other is a good match for them. This can happen rather quickly if both save each other or prove through action that they are a suitable partner in a survival situation, forming a bond of necessity. This was common during the war and allowed the Autobots and Decepticons to form bonds fast enough to actually have a sense of comradery. But when not forced due to stress or other factors, friendships form through shared ideals, functions, or simply a harmonization of sparks. Take Ratchet and Optimus's relationship for example. Both were from wildly different castes and functions, neither having particularly close ideals outside of their wish for freedom for all, but with time they formed their bond.

Romantic relationships are not really a concept that Cybertronians are familiar with, at least not in the sense that organics are used to. They have no sexual drive since they do not reproduce through intercourse or other methods involving the union of two individuals. The closest thing Cybertronians have to a romantic relationship is an evolution of an Amica bond (the bond that forms between close friends), that being Conjunx Endura. Even then it isn't really a marriage, more like a shared habitation where both bots trust the other with their lives and to make decisions in their stead. They may be more affectionate with their Conjunx than with their Amica or other friends, but ultimately the bond is like the highest form of companionship instead of a marriage. Simply put, Cybertronians just have a different view on relationships as a whole.

As such when the children walked into their lives, it was rather awkward for a while due to the differing views of the bots when it comes to bonds. Especially with PDA and such not really being something Cybertronians do for various reasons.

The Children's Attachment

When the children became the Autobot's charges, they expected very little to change beyond the chaos that was guaranteed to come from human sparklings running about. At most they were prepared to have stress induced friendship bonds form between themselves and the children. Even though Optimus was near desperate to coddle the human sparklings he kept himself controlled as always and life went on as normal. That was until the children began getting all touchy feely, behaving in a manner around the bots that was reserved for Amica bonded or Caretakers and their sparklings on Cybertron.

It started with Miko. Her family life was less than stellar and so she quickly took a liking to Bulkhead who came to be an older brother/fatherly figure for her. She started hanging around him more than any of the other bots, and that was fine, in fact it was a normal starting point for any set of bots looking to possibly develop a friendship. Bulkhead didn't mind and the team didn't bat an optic, it made sense for Miko to begin attempting to bond with her guardian if only to make their time together more tolerable. But then she started getting all affectionate with Bulkhead, dragging him out to do things with her, giving him gifts, and even giving him the odd kiss on the cheek. And that baffled the entire team, not just Bulkhead who could only stand around in confusion and embarrassment from the mixed signals he was getting. Did Miko want an Amica bond? Was she trying to tell Bulkhead she wanted him as her Caretaker? Or was there some strange human nuances he was missing?

It was odd, but the team tried to chalk it up to Miko being Miko, that was until Rafael got in on it. He started purposefully checking in on Bumblebee, becoming a bit of a mother hen while also spending nearly all of his free time with the scout. This was once again seen as pretty normal for Cybertronians looking to bond, after all, it made sense for Rafael to want to spend time with Bee to see if he was a good match. But just like with Miko, he started getting more intimate, joking and playing around with Bee in a manner reserved for close friends or even Amica bonded. He carefully made stickers for Bumblebee to wear on his armor and went out of his way to try and find a way to fix Bumblebee's voice when nothing else was on the agenda. It was odd behavior and once again, sent very mixed signals. It certainly didn't help when Rafael began mimicking Ratchet and following him around, much like a sparkling would with a potential Caretaker.

Eventually even Jack started becoming far more affectionate than what the bots were used to and expecting. He worried for Arcee, fixing up her paint for her and playfully teasing her in fun banter. He gave her small gifts and took the time to teach her things about human society. This only served to drive home to the bots just how odd the human children were and made them begin to panic slightly due to the incredibly mixed signals. Arcee couldn't figure out what the heck Jack was trying to do with his interactions. Did he see her as a potential Caretaker? If so, why was he teaching her things? Did he want an Amica bond? But if that was the case, why was he allowing her to take care of him as she would a youngling? Not even Optimus was exempt from the children's confusing affection. All three of the children also made sure to offer him some love too, giving him little gifts in the form of small trinkets and constantly pestering him to play/assist them in something. It warmed his spark, but also left him just as confused as the rest of the team.

Of course it never occurred to the team to just ask what the children wanted outright because why would they? They were millennia old, they were pretty sure they understood what the children were asking of them with their actions. Hence began the team's very dysfunctional attempt to try and match whatever they believed the children wanted of them. It was awkward and felt rushed to most of the team, but they did try their best. And upon doing some additional research they came to understand somewhat the driving force behind the children's behavior. Apparently humans are pack type species and rapidly form and break bonds as a means to survive with their short lifespans. Hence their (not so sudden) sudden affection in the optics of the bots. So despite their own reservations and the blatant disregard for the normal order of things on the children's part, the team did their best to bond in whatever capacity the children seemed to want.

Bulkhead did his best to try and respond to Miko's affection with a more fatherly approach. He tested the waters carefully, doing his best to not pressure or overstep while still attempting to take on a parental role in her life. When he found no objection from Miko in response to his minor worrying and slightly more authoritative tone with her, he pushed things up a notch, feeling pretty confident in his choice to try and become her secondary Caretaker since her parents weren't available. When Wheeljack arrived and was met with similar levels of affection from Miko, he took one look at Bulkhead and followed his lead. In the end Miko did not realize it, but she gained two very very overprotective fathers. With Bulkhead being the more reasonable one, constantly checking on her to make sure she does her work and fuels properly and Wheeljack adding a little bit of chaos while also being the one to dole out punishments when needed. It has never been anything worse than having to stand in the corner or sit up in the rafters with no way down without help, but still Bulkhead frets.

Bumblebee took Rafael's concern and more understanding approach to mean that he was working toward trying to gain an Amica bond with him. It was surprising, and since he had never been presented with such a situation before, Bumblebee went to Optimus for advice on the subject. And so soon after Bumblebee took to doing what a good potential Amica should do according to Optimus, that being trying to understand and connect to his possible best friend. He took the time to listen, learn, and discover everything he could about Rafael without being a creep and digging through his files (that would break the rules, a good Amica doesn't do that). He spent as much time as possible with Rafael, having discussions and trying to bring them closer. And in the end, Rafael, much like Miko, had no idea when he gained himself a similarly very very overprotective brother and friend. No one touched Rafael without Bee being there to drive them into the ground before they could so much as lift a finger. Rafael was his friend, his potential Amica, no one was allowed to harm him so long as Bumblebee lived.

Ratchet saw Rafael's mimicry and overall interest in him as an obvious cry for a Caretaker, and so believing himself incapable of being incorrect on that front, did not even hesitate to begin the bonding process. When Rafael wasn't with Bumblebee, Ratchet took him and carried him around in one of his servos or on his shoulder, taking the time to answer all of his questions. Ratchet would check Rafael regularly and sing on a pitch too low for human ears but most certainly meant to calm a sparkling. He would also carefully listen to everything Rafael said to him, taking note of anything that could be bothering his little one. Anything at all that upset Rafael was tended to by Ratchet. A wound? Ratchet would tenderly put a band-aid on it and give Rafael a little treat he had June buy for him. Trouble at home? Ratchet was always there to listen and quietly coo at his small human sparkling, reminding him that he is loved. In the end Rafael got himself a highly devoted Caretaker, willing to do just about anything for him even if the medic in question refuses to acknowledge it.

Arcee took a lot longer than the rest of the team to figure out what the pit Jack wanted from her. He treated her like an equal, bantering and playing but still looked to her for care. And that confused her to the point of leading her to also go to Optimus for consultation. His advice was to try taking on a more motherly role and see how Jack felt about it. And so trusting her Prime, she did as advised, and surprise surprise, Jack didn't seem at all concerned if a little irritated at times. Seeing this Arcee rapidly took on the role of a secondary Caretaker for Jack. While he had his mother, he did not have a father, someone to protect him. So Arcee stepped up, becoming a more masculine parental figure for him, teaching him the things a father normally would have to the best of her ability. She even went so far as to look up things like how to tie a tie and how to change a car tire just for Jack since no one else was going to teach him any time soon. Of course she still mostly kept to a more feminine role when it came to Jack's care, but when required she took up the mantle his father left behind. And just like Miko and Rafael, he had no clue when he ultimately gained himself a doting parent ready to murder and hide the bodies of his enemies for him.

As for Optimus? He was perfectly content to take on the role his position as Prime offered him. On Cybertron, while sparkling had primary and secondary Caretakers to handle a majority of their needs and education, there was always a more communal effort involved. In small select groups like Optimus's team on earth, there was always a head to the clan that formed. There was always a protector and elder guide for all the young bots under their care. And in the team's case, that was Optimus, that with him being the Prime and old as dirt, being bested only by Ratchet in age. And so in light of this and his own desire to care for sparklings, human as they might be, Optimus took on the role of the clan guardian. He taught the children whenever there was time, teaching them important life lessons through simple tales and stories. He regurally sat them on his shoulders and sang to them songs of Cybertron and the history of all that his people held dear. He told them the history of the Cybertronian people, taking care to ensure the children learned well and grew up strong as a Prime should. And on top of that, he often made the children small gifts in return for their own, ranging from talismans to interesting objects he found on patrol.

In the end, the team bonded to the children, their attachment being far greater than anything the human children could have even conceived with the sacred status associated with bonds. As such, any and all attempts to touch the children by MECH, the Decepticons, or anyone else was met with immediate and sharp retribution, even being detrimental at times.

Bonds

Bonds are sacred, they mean everything to Cybertronians. When they form, they are often for life, never to be broken save for the most brutal of betrayals. The children did not understand this in large part due to the culture difference. As such when the bots began growing more aggressive and less content with things going on in the children's lives, they could not comprehend why.

Every single time Jack's bully turned up to harass him, Arcee had to struggle to keep herself from pommeling the brat. Jack was her boy, he was so kind and loving, he did not deserve to hear the slag coming out of the mouths of his peers. Bumblebee often found himself growing paranoid whenever Rafael was away from base for more than a day or two, wondering if something had happened to his potential Amica. He paced, concerned beyond words that something had happened, or worse yet, that Rafael had found him unsuitable for an Amica bond. And any time some kid tried to bother Rafael while Bumblebee was there waiting very nearly ended in bloodshed if not for the constant fear of discovery looming over his helm. Bulkhead and Wheeljack had many many profane words in store for Miko's foster and biological parents. How dare they leave the lovely girl alone! How dare they never give her any affection! Miko's quiet cries in the dead of night where she called out for her parents always tore Bulkhead and Wheeljack's sparks to shreds. They wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but instead all they could do was shower her in affection later as they knew interacting with her in that state would do no good.

Ratchet regularly contemplated just straight up kidnapping Rafael after he took a closer look at his home life and saw just how little his parents cared for him. Did they not know that sparklings were a rare and wonderful gift? Downright disgusting in his book. And when it came to a Con touching Rafael, Ratchet's normally calm demeanor went flying out the window, nearly leading him to kill a few Vehicons in rage. No one touched his sparkling. Optimus was not any better. If any of his little ones were touched, grown (Bumblebee) or otherwise (the children), he would not hesitate to destroy the perpetrator, primely duties be slagged. And much like Ratchet he tended to consider the possibility of up and adopting (stealing) the children, perhaps even finding a way to get them proper Cybertronian frames. His little ones needed to live long lives after all, Optimus would not stand for anything else.

Knowing all this, MECH really shouldn't have expected anything aside from an outright slaughter when they took the children. Even Autobots have breaking points..

[delusionsofspace]

Ideas/HCs based off friend post?? <3

OH MAN LMAO OKAY UH?

I wasn't expecting AU asks but that actually is a fucking hilarious concept to me

Edit I am adding a fucking readmore because I am INSANE please click for submas rambles

So the tags say l4d and I'm gonna be so fr I don't know a lot of the lore, but I do know zombies and that there are special types

I honestly think, theres two kinds of scenarios that can definitely play out and it all depends on if Ingo gets amnesia or not (if we go with the no pokemon theory, therefore Uxie does not exist, BUT there are other ways to get amnesia so we vibing) because there are plenty of scenarios that make sense for random persok to have serious amnesia. If Ingo just, Wakes Up somewhere he definitely would be logical about it and start off with "I must have been injured whilst trying to survive" rather than "I'm from a different fuckikf universe help me"

My first thought is, if he does get amnesia from idk hitting his head or just Arceus being a cunt, then I think he is a very practical man and would adjust accordingly. He would be stressed as fuck, yeah sure. He would be VERY unhappy about having to be more aggressive in his stance on how he approaches situations (and not understand why he feels like there should be somebody else at his side handling more aggressive/threatening scenarios) but, much like in Hisui, he can definitely go from being funny train man so scarily ripped old man who can and Will deal with shit as needed.

I think guns would absolutely be a learning curve, though. He is used to the loudness because of trains, and I personally headcannon Ingo as hard of hearing and that's why he yells so much (which he would also have to learn to control to not alert the zombies in his immediate area) but I still think he is autistic enough to probably not appreciate how loud guns are. I think he would Deal With It but be moderately grumpy about it, I also think he sould probably be a great shot because of how calculating he can be, rather than if Emmet was in the situation where he would just shoot first and think second.

If we were in a situation where Ingo did have his memory though, I genuinely think that woukd be worse in a way?

The entire time he would be trying so hard to get back to Emmet, it would be literally his only goal, right next to not dying. He would probably speak about Emmet a lot, and also regularly use him as his motivation. God forbid he got injured, his only words would be "I can't die here, I need to get back to him, he must be so worried". He would absolutely also likely put his own health above others slightly more than if he had amnesia, because when he cannot clearly remember Emmet he falls back into his protective older brother stance of making sure everyone else is okay first. ESPECIALLY if they are kids, like in Arceus with the player character.

I also think if he ever got returned to Emmet, he would be much more of a changed man than when/if he returns from normal Hisui. Like deeply traumatized type beat. Amnesia or not, returning to a safe place after being in a horrible location that you literally have to kill to survive would do numbers on his mental health. I think he likely would end up very jumpy, with some form of PTSD, maybe even from the guns and would have issues with loud sudden banging noises. I think he would likely require Emmet to straight up be like a service animal (servive sibling? lmao) to keep him company in public so he wouldn't start tweaking. Crowds would probably stress him out, and he'd also probably be much more touch repulsed than before hand, where I imagine Ingo to be neutral to touch while Emmet is deeply touch adverse (minus Ingos touch, obviously)

Wow I fucking rambled . More asks if you have more questions please because I am unwell (I also deeply enjoy this AU idea ngl I think we should traumatize Ingo a little bit more. For the sillies. It's enrichment to him)

[teeth--king]

Eats your Stardew Valley Elliott art

anyways! Ive seen barely anyone do this but what do you think Elliotts’ backstory is? Like what’s his relationship with his parents? You can draw and/or write it if you want :)

(i crave angsty backstory for Elliott…because I love him…)

Please, feast away! It brings me so much happiness that people are enjoying my Stardew Valley art so much! I usually make my own personal art, so dabbling in a little fan art and it going so well is very appreciated.(also all the nice comments and tags, those fuel me and make me go forward each day)

But for the main part of the ask, it takes so much for my little writer self to not just go hog wild and re-create characters who I get attached to. I have a love hate relationship with this, but it's very easy to do with Stardew characters because they are all so blank slate, those little buddies can be what ever you want because they are the perfect level of lovable yet bland. As for Elliott, yeah I'm a little more on the angsty side of backstory for him, partially from some dialogue and partially from some projecting, haha.

I am not the worlds best writer(despite the fact that it's technically what I do) so I apologize if any of this is a bit rough or odd sounding :P I also feel odd about writing and sharing backstories for already made characters as a creative myself, so this might also be a bit awkwardly worded on my end as well. So just a little heads up before my rambling thoughts below.

So I've always read him as no longer connected to his family due to his passions and actually following them. He's distanced himself from most people in his past, some intentionally and some outside of his control, to try and become who he actually wants to be. I feel like before he came to Stardew Valley he was working his ass off by not gracefully juggling both a job and trying to write at the same time, probably developed some bad habits during those times to cope. He tries to not show it and mask but being kind and welcoming(sometimes overly so if in a rough spot), he has too much ego to let others know he's not doing well chasing his dreams. After moving to Stardew Valley he's started to do a bit better but he's even more of a starving artist because he's just living off savings, most of which he used to buy the cabin. Man's got a male living space by slight necessity but plays it off as being a minimalist. Also no idea where I would place this otherwise, but he gives me the vibe that he has a more public facing persona where he's more flowery and puts on a slight voice, while in reality he's just a dude(still poetic tho, he can't stop that, theater kid vibes).

Ironically trying to not make him too much like my character Elliot. Both of these men are my current stress toys and I am throwing them around so much in my mind.

Ah! Thank you so much for this ask, it was a wonderful distraction for my night! I love answering stuff and getting to get my thoughts out of my head somehow. They are quite loud in there so I'm pleased to have them out and about now. This likely isn't everything but my brain works in such scattered and anxious ways that I am not sure. Thank you again!

[zorkaya-moved]

me @ tumblr rpc: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLOT WITH OCs and it shows.

And you know what? That happens. Plotting is hard. Honestly? Hate plotting so much if I don't know a person these days because I just feel overly anxious and ramble. So yeah, anyhow... Let me share some personal thoughts! THIS DOES NOT TOUCH ON PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR TIME, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME IN PLOTTING AND PLEASE DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN PACE! THIS IS A HOBBY AND THIS IS SOMETHING WE DO FOR FUN! This is based solely on some of my own experiences with SOME plotting (not all ofc!) as a woman oc writer in 2022-2023. I've had fantabulous experience with plotting and not so much. Please know you're valid, Ily, thank you for bearing with my burnt out ass in plottings. Mwah. Stay winning.

We all suffer from the collective dead brain cell syndrome when it comes to plotting any interaction, but do you know what kind of sucks and makes little ol' me tinsy bit bitter at the end of 2023 after going through countless people who just ignored my plotting proposals when I gave a ton of ideas? And what I'm going to call out just a tiny bit as a woman oc writer?

You can get into wikipedia and seek out information about a canon character to figure out some ideas on plots if you don't know the fandom, but do you do the same for OCs? 'Cuz OCs are sure as hell the very same 'canons from fandoms I don't know' type of situation.

Do you reach out to the CREATOR who can answer all your questions no matter how miniscule they can be? We, OC writers, are ready to give you the deep lore if you ask.

Do you check out about pages or headcanon pages? Hell, some of us have DETAILED NAVIGATION PAGES FOR VERSES! Is your OC or Canon from there? Check it out! Read! Find what interests YOU or if you didn't find something? Just ask the WRITER! Simple, innit? God, Imma be real, some of y'all gonna get my DMs like 'Listen, I can't find if you have this hc, could you please link it to me?' because I want info for plot ideas and if you do the same to me? I kiss u platonically.

Lemme give you a Done For You plotting thoughts you can use on how to plot with OCs, ladies and gents and nonbinary folks!

Do you have a specific dynamic you WANT for your character? Perhaps, you see a villain OC and want smth toxic to try out - ASK. Or you see an OC that might be a fun friend or neighbor or any other more positive dynamic - ASK. Inquire each other about what DYNAMICS you're open to. Oh you open to all? Sick. PUT DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES FIRST. BOTH SIDES. SPEAK YOUR BOUNDARIES.

Do you have verses both of your characters are in? Be it OC & OC or Canon & OC? Noice, discuss all possible connections your characters might have! Offer ideas! Offer thoughts! The worst thing another can say is 'no'. And if so? COUNTLESS POSSIBILITIES. Yummy possibilities. Friends, childhood friends, childhood rivals, exes, rivals, co-workers, fight on sight, live next to each other, see each other in the same fucking cafe your muse goes at 2 pm specifically and ALWAYS sees another muse there... Countless. I'm telling you.

JUST DO THE FIRST STEP TOO WHEN YOU INTERACT WITH OCS, I'M ON MY KNEES BEGGING.

OFFER. IDEAS. The vaguest ones will do ok too. I cannot stress this enough but as an OC writer, I've had instances where I just... Gave 5 ideas only to have someone just drop me. Fully and completely. Not the 'I'll reach out to you later I need to think about this' but just full on 'wow this is too much plotting and I don't want to invest that much time' like it sucks. It sucks being the only person offering possible dynamics, ideas, even funny ones in some cases! I'm so burnt out from plotting dynamics because I keep. Offering. Ideas. But I don't have the same feedback loop. More like I have 0 feedback in the instances I dive into possibilities which burnt me out from plotting altogether, closing plotting possibilities with those who may actually be the same kind of insane as I am. And it sucks. Bless you all who give vague ideas or not vague ideas. Love you. You're fucking champions.

BE OPEN TO ASKING QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS, HOLY SHIT, PLEASE. Please never forget to ask "Hey, how would you feel about this scenario?" or "Would your character be in this kind of situation? Maybe that's how they met and started hanging out?" or "Oh, how about us trying out this type of dynamic and see where it goes?" or anything, really.

Anyways, this is just my 2 am psa because yeah why not. December sucks ass so why not speak out my thoughts at the end of 2023 to enter 2024 with sunglasses and cool Women OCs Propaganda I will continue preaching. You're all welcome to reblog this.

[hetalia-club]

Finally i don't feel alone in thinking the fandom is toxic, because I had to deal with a horrible amount of ableism (for literal disabilities I have and apparently someone thought I was incontinent and basically compared incontinent people to diaperfuckers) and even still I have to hide behind anon due to the fact the fandom also has a problem with stalking too, since i have been stalked by people who made private accounts around me and screenshotting everything I said to the point I had to actually talk to someone from the Trevor Project because I genuinely did not feel safe

apologies for the rambling, this fandom isn't normal about disabled people

Honey I'm so sorry :(. Yes people are mean and something about this fandom normalizes it. Idk what it is exactly. People say it's 'always been this way' and while that's true it HAS gotten WORSE. mainly because the fandom is smaller and the assholes just sort of all form a cult together and thrive off each others negativity. They say the people with the worse opinions are the loudest and that couldn't be more true within this fandom.

Also the ability to go fully anonymous on this sight is both a blessing and a plague. I do feel that there SHOULD be a way to find out who the anon was. I myself have been consistently harassed by a Spain kin for almost 5 years. It used to really get to me and it doesn't anymore. I truly just no longer give a shit. I went on Hiatus for 2 years and they CAME BACK! Like they were waiting in the shadows and like a bond vilian just turned in their chair and were like "well well well...". It's just kind of funny if you think about it I live rent free in their dome and they don't even know me. An I can't block them because they are always on anon. So I just delete it and carry on with my life. Last year my therapist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder and it answered a lot of questions I've always had about myself. Which means I am an extremely shy person chronically so. I take things to heart even if I shouldn't. I feel things very deeply for myself and for other people and animals. My therapist taught me some tools to try and help me deal and I got an increase in my meds. One of those was to not watch the news or actively sought out negative events because those destroy me. I just can't take it. It's a huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't I don't like the idea that I make it about me' in some way. It doesn't really do much but it numbs me a bit and makes me care less. It still affects me sure but I feel too unbothered to care. My AI covers have been a HUGE stress relief for me and a good distraction from my feelings. But again it's just a distraction. They are little boosts of serotonin to make and it makes me happy and it makes me even happier when someone enjoys it.

The reason I tell you this is to help you understand that no one really gives a shit. That sounds harsh but please let me elaborate on that. I mean I have straight told people "I am legit too shy to function and I do not like to talk about certain things because it gives me major embarrassment that can last actual days. Can we find a new topic or maybe pivot." but they don't actually listen to me about it. And I understand that it's hard to remember everyone's little quirks but to constantly have to remind people and for them to just "Oh yeah sorry... anyway like I was saying" really stings. Because of my disorder you can imagine I have an extremely hard time speaking my mind and standing up for myself. I want everyone to like me I don't want anyone to dislike me to a fault. I will ignore my own feelings and emotions to let others speak about what makes them happy even if sometimes it does sting. So I actually very much do know exactly where you are coming from with that. Just please remember that these are strangers online. Yes they can say hurtful things but the second you close teh app they disappear. They don't actually matter. And YES I am fully aware that this is easier said than done please believe me on that.

This fandom does have a serious issue with ignoring and disrespecting others disabilities. Especially some that are not really heard about/normalized much like yours or mine. I 100% know everyone thinks I'm lying about my personality disorder being a real thing If they don't want to understand me I can't make them, which sucks but I have no control over that. I wish it were not that way but we can't change other people and the way they think/ act but we can work on ourselves and how we process harassment. I wish you luck anon, you're never alone on this bitch of an earth, love you <3

[pinkeoni]

yeah, i can see the vision. will ending up with someone before starting to date mike would make sense tbh even if most bylers would dislike the idea. will kinda needs to have relationship experience too imho

I don't necessarily think that think that he would enter a whole relationship, especially given the climate of the town, but I could definitely see him flirting or making out with another guy. Let's not forget that Will can canonically pull.

I wanna stress though that the point of this wouldn't be to show that Will has moved on from Mike, but rather that Will is trying to move on from Mike and failing horribly. Imagine Will trying to replace Mike with someone who may be attracted to him but doesn't share any of the romance that he's looking for, and it ends horribly because ultimately Will can't get rid of his feelings for Mike. It would be drama!!

I also don't necessarily think that Will needs relationship experience to date Mike but I also... don't like it when people see Will as this completely sexless individual who doesn't possess a sexuality????? Idk. I feel like I need to double and triple clarify this whenever I talk about it, I'm NOT saying that I want some explicit scene between Will and another guy, but what I am saying is that there can be a cheeky reference to porn under Lucas' bed and Mike can make out with El when they're 13/14, but Will is supposed to remain chaste for two years until he finally gets with the guy that he himself does not believe he could ever be with? People understand that just because Mike is in a relationship with El that it doesn't remove his feelings for Will, so why can't the same be said for Will?

I mean, there would be nothing wrong if Will was actually chaste but I also think the alternative is true. I wouldn't mind if the scenario didn't happen but it wouldn't be a bad thing if it did. Maybe it doesn't sound too in character for Will, but there's also going to be a two year time skip and characters can always change. But anyway that's just my two cents. Sorry if this is rambly or ranty I just have a lot of opinions on this and it can be hard to express eloquently sometimes.

[crow-caller]

Hi, I've followed you since Lightlark and I just want to say- this may sound weird (and if so I apologize) but hearing about you being neurodivergent, aroace and such is kind of really helpful to me, because you're cool and have a lot of interesting thoughts and generally seem like a kind of person I'd be happy to be.

I stress a lot about missing out on "normal" life things, like romance or going out on the town to have "fun" (despite loathing alcohol, unfamiliar food, bright lights, loud noise and crowds) or what have you, but you know, maybe it's okay if I eat the same few foods and take joy in my niche passions. Maybe, if I listen to your angel book talks with delight, there's people who would listen to my rambles about dragons or conlangs (or dragon conlangs!) as well?

yeah!!

this is one reason I am pretty forward about this. I have been working to moderate how much personal info I just cavalier share on the internet but mostly I do it because it is a case of me hoping it helps others. I didn't know I was autistic for a very long time, same really with ace and such. I still am questioning much of my identity and have for years, and it took me a while to get okay with just being questioning and undefined. Autism too I was really against ME having at first, because my family is all autistic and difficult so I had a bad idea of what autism was. Now I realize I 100% am and actually I am cool, so it is cool.

So I realize how hard it is to see people at all like you and while I'm having any shimmer of spotlight inexplicably I figure I ought to be telling people you can just sort of get by having a weird self-defined life of whatever you want and it's fine. I'm 26, I'm very autistic and chronically ill, I'm ace and maybe a bit aro and just sort of an adult who is allowed to be all those things. I took a long time to realize this but you act as you want and be honestly yourself, and if you're lucky you can just find a friendgroup on similar wavelengths who will enjoy all of that stuff you do and offer

[nerdnag]

The time has come for me to finish my philosophy bachelor's.

...Lots of ramble below. I mostly just need to get my thoughts out, but there is a plan by the end!

For those of you who were around in May, you may recall that I struggled a lot to get a sort-of-presentable draft ready for my supervisor, hoping to be able to hand the thing in before the end of the semester, and was then completely slammed down into the dirt by said supervisor when he returned the draft a few days later with... pretty strong words about it. Few of which were positive. I couldn't bring myself to read the comments he'd left in the actual document at the time, because the email was enough to bring me to tears.

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't wrong, it was just a bit shocking to have him go from "hey, how's it going for you, the thesis treating you well? oh and here's a link to a fun video i found on the internet" one day to almost-kinda-petty critique the next. And also, I am wholly unused to disappointing teachers, supervisors, mentors or superiors of any kind. That may sound strange considering my ADHD, which should in theory have gotten me in lots of situations like that, but my entire life, I've usually managed to make use of three things that have helped immensely to get things done well and on time: 1) special interests/obsessions/hyperfocus, 2) perfectionism and performance anxiety, and 3) high IQ. Number one has helped with motivation and creative flow; number 2 has helped motivate me through shame; and number 3 has helped me "bullshit" my way through assignments/relatively easily create a coherent and acceptable final product without doing all of the actual work I should have done (...and also making the actual work I do put in a pretty good quality).

But for some reason, these tactics didn't quite work out this time. I could come up with many different ideas about why this was, but one really important part of it was probably the fact that I've been heavily overloaded with work at my job and still haven't fully recovered from the immense stress I was under from March 2022-June 2023. I might not be able to recover from that period of my life without doing some pretty extreme changes in how I live my life, and although I've been working on trying to make some of those changes over the course of the first half of this year, it hasn't been impactful enough yet.

And so in the middle of this, of trying to recover from a backlog of both work and stress, while still being under quite a lot of stress at work (although not even remotely compared to how it was a year ago), I was also trying to write a bachelor's thesis in my spare time.

Oh, and did I mention I also took on a volunteer position in my spare time from April onwards that has demanded quite a lot of time?

(Jfc why do I do this to myself. ...Because it's fun and I am bad at saying no. That's why.)

Anyway, enough rambling about what's happened and the reasons for it - long story short, I realised I wouldn't be able to finish the thesis in time, and so I told my supervisor I'd hand it in by the end of the summer instead. And wouldn't you know it, the end of summer is closing in. :)

So with the help of my partner, I managed to finally open the document containing my supervisor's comments, and rather than lose myself in complete and utter anxiety and horror over the words, we could sort of laugh over how unnecessarily harsh he was being. (I guess my supervisor actually was a bit disappointed, since he'd seen before that I was more capable than that. I don't blame him.) I also realised that it wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined, and that my life isn't actually over and done for. So yeah. (He even had a couple of positive comments for me, actually.)

Then we made a plan for how to tackle this thing. I'm going away on the 22nd of July, so the goal right now is to have a finished draft to send to my supervisor on the 21st. Then he can read it, give comments, tell me whether he gives his approval or not, and after I've made any necessary adjustments, I can hand in an opposition version by the middle of August. Since I am currently on vacation, and I do need to actually try to wind down from work as well, I've settled on working on my thesis for 3 hours each day, starting tomorrow (the 13th), and my deadline each day is noon. If I realise after this Sunday that I need more time, I'll increase it to 4 hours every day.

It should work. I know what I need to do, and my supervisor's comments are clear. I enjoy writing and doing research and I will finish this in a way that I'm proud and happy about.

So there. That's my promise to myself. I'll climb out of this hole, fill it in with new dirt, and then start building the collapsed tower of blocks up again.

[nickolox]

((( long ramble post)))

trying to figure wtf is going on with your own mental health without the help of a professional + having a mental illness that already fucks with the way you perceive things (ocd) is genuine hell

like, I HAVE a psychiatrist, but he's fucking. awful and always puts medications first over like, figuring out what the fuck is going on

and everything about this whole procedure just feels like, off???

tldr: local man questions if he has The Dissociative Disorder™ whilst being simultaneously given red herrings and blatantly obvious eye opening signals at the same time, and has the same realizations 30 times over because i am in a constant cycle of denial, forgetting and then rediscovering this bullshit

so to put it in a nutshell most of my psychiatrist discussions about the big disorderly things go like this:

psych: so what are you experiencing me: i keep like, having these massive gaps in my memory, where i have no idea what happened or what i did or anythign for hours and hours at a time, and i looked up what that means and its apparently called dissociating? what does that mean? psych: right, that's a stress response. me: yeah, That makes sense. But I've also been unable to remember major events like my sister's wedding or my graduation... psych: well... obviously you were just anxious lol me: *remembers the photos i have as the only proof i have that those events happened, and im smiling in all of them* maybe?? i mean, it didn't seem like that was the case. psych: (completely ignores that) hmmm. okay. anyways- me: also I've been hearing voices??? psych: where? externally or internally? me: internally psych: (visible relief) oh thank god i was concerned it was schizophrenia for a moment, having an internal dialogue is normal :) me: i can't control the voices though, and they don't sound like my own voice in my mind. they're distinct, and it's not like my OCD either. psych: that's normal, sometimes people just imagine things ^_^

so, it was "anxiety" the first time, came back. told him this shit is still happening, and then he blamed it on my medications, and now i'm on a new set, which i suppose needed to happen anyways?

But like, he told me that brain fog and memory loss are a thing with prozac (what i was taking before) and i was like "huh no one told me that" to which he said "well no one says the full list of side effects because no one would want to take the meds otherwise"

i get home, i look up the fucking manual that comes with prozac when you go on it for the first time, and no where. NOWHERE. is this shit on that list of side effects. i look up a list of the side effects, dozens of sites, NOTHING!!!!

I speak with my bestie and he reminds me that,

I dealt with these problems prior to going on medication (something i didnt even remember, lol)

it has literally nothing to do with anxiety bc he himself has crippling anxiety and deals with none of the shit i do

i'm going to shit bricks dude what the fuck is wrong with my stupid brain, it feels like such a wild challenge compared to when i found out about my OCD, like, dude at least with that bitch it was consistent, it was 24/7. as shit as that was at least I knew it was always there, always there to be a bitch, but undeniable none the less.

This current mystery disorder is like, oooOOOooo i'm going to be here SOME OF THE TIME!!! to make you DOUBT it exists!!! and im sitting here like, is this a symptom or is this my ocd fucking with me bro

i feel like i might have some kind of dissociative disorder, but the problem I'm having is that it's not CONSISTENT??? like, some days I'll be like yeah this is the dream and then other days I cannot physically do anything, remember jack shit, feel like my soul is leaving my fucking body all god damn day?

why do people always talk about alters too, it's like, the one thing I don't experience, or at least, the one thing that's rare enough to not hinder me like the actual dissociation problems.

I feel like I can't be certain, and that sets my OCD off, because my brain goes "what if we're faking- what if you're overreacting" which in turn makes me go. insane. I am going insane.

there is sooo much more i could say, but i just realized it;s half past midnight. I should um. probably go to bed.

Goodnight.

[0809sysblings]

I was listening to Double's instrumental and there's like, the sound of a baby or small child?? What is going on??

very good question, i would also like to know the answer!

yeah tbh i don't have a very confident idea on what it means... i guess i've got a few possible ideas as to what it could signify but... again, i'm not confident in them so do with these what you will 👍!

also this is kinda long and rambly lol oopsie daisy...

it could represent John having been just born (as he directly refers to himself in the song as "a newborn" and also talks about how he was "born" only very recently in Neoplasm). now if this was meant to mean this, I would think they would have used the crying of a newborn baby to represent it since they cry when they're born, not laugh. which the audio seems to contain laughing, not crying. and newborns cannot laugh yet, only cry. so maybe instead of having just been born it's meant to allude to the fact that he's very very young.

TANGENT INCOMING...

--skip if you want it's not super relevant. maybe interesting to think about, but not completely relevant to this.--

cause i'm not really sure when exactly John split! was it before the murder(s)? during? after? idk lol.

i REALLY need to actually sit my ass down and read those long ass tarot card analysis posts for MeMe because i haven't really read any yet because i suffer from Cannot Fucking Sit Down And Focus To Read Giant Paragraphs Of Words disorder... which is ironic because i love rambling and making long posts. as you can see.

but anyway. maybe he split to deal with the stress leading up to it. or maybe he split to deal with the stress of the murder(s) having already happened and to take the responsibility even if he didn't actually kill anyone. it's not uncommon at all for an alter to split afterwards to take on the aspects of a trauma that can't be accepted.

for example- if Mikoto is the murderer, maybe John split to be someone who did want to murder the victim(s) and to be someone who doesn't feel any guilt over having done it. and then the other characteristics to his personality are to support this: unapologetic, doesn't take any shit, fine with being violent to protect himself and others, doesn't feel bad about rebelling, etc. hell, he could even legit believe he was the murderer depending on how far his role to take responsibility for it goes.

if John is the one shown mostly in Double (because there's certain imagery to suggest that maybe he isn't there for a lot of it. but also imagery to suggest he is. i hate it here my brain is too small for this), he may have not actually done the murder(s). if the inside of the train represents the subjective reality (not the objective reality) of what happened, so how John sees it, then that could be why he's doing the "killing" on the train even though we know the confirmed murder happened outside the train station. he's there to be the murderer, even if he may have not actually done it. and why we see mannequin pieces flying outside the train, where the murder occurred, as he swings from inside the train.

TANGENT END... yippee

ok i had another explanation but i cant seem to figure out how to word it... and also it's more to me like a "oh, an interesting nod to this thing maybe..." and less an actual theory.

if someone wants to add onto this with their own takes, please feel free <3. because i haven't thought too long or hard about this yet or any legit theories for the MV. despite being mikoto-pilled, i am more the type of person who likes to pick apart the psychology and subjective aspects of characters and behavior. not really... actual narrative theories.

thank you for the ask!! sorry i couldn't really answer anything for you though, hah...

[trouticide]

as someone who really vibes with the way that lixxen described Charlie's gender, I will put in my 2 cents: some people are so disinterested in the idea of gender or binaries that even labels like nonbinary or genderfluid or trans are kind of dysphoria inducing. I don't identify with any gender nor with any trans identity because it just doesn't make sense to my brain. I think Charlie would be similar because there is seemingly no conscious decision for when or why he identifies a certain way and he really doesn't seem to care. Also, I think everyone has their own headcanon about how Charlie/Joyce identifies and how they experience gender, and that's largely based on an individual experience with gender. So if you don't really get it or relate to OP's interpretation, maybe it's just because that is their own personal way of seeing things. It doesn't mean you can't headcanon charlie as fluid or trans, just that we all see things differently. hope my rambling makes sense, and it is sent with positivity and respect!! and I am not trying to speak over the OP who has their own insight, or anyone else, we are all unique!

(sorry for anon, i would reblog but i'm not out and some people know about my blog)

ok just to be totally clear, i experience gender the same way and agree with OPs interpretation. however i am also going through a major identity crisis and have been trying to figure out if i specifically am trans or if this is just an autistic gender expression thing. so when i reblogged and said what i said it wasn't meant to be taken as a disagreement. i was looking for clarification because i super identified with it and i'm confused about myself lol i have a lot of trauma similar to charlie's and i operate pretty similarly in my life because of it, so it's been therapeutic for me to use his character arch to help me work through some other things. for a huge part of my life i didn't identify with any gender identity at all because i experienced what you mentioned about all labels feeling dysphoric. i still feel that way but i think that may be able to be resolved if i actually take the time to think about it critically and *try* to find a label. i don't really understand labels, similarly to you it just doesn't make sense to me. but i'm at a point in my life where i think i have to work through the pain and discomfort of it and learn to understand it because the anxiety i feel from not having a label is too overwhelming to ignore. up until this point ive just dressed freely and acted freely so i didn't really have to look at labels at all. same thing with sexuality, i just dated who i wanted to. but that got me into a lot of trouble, i ended up with a man for three and a half years when im absolutely an acespec lesbian. i didn't know that at the time though because the thought of labeling my sexuality very deeply stressed me out. but now that ive figured it out and worked through it that stress is gone and i can start actually living my life. i think i could go through the same thing with this, even if i do end up just settling on no labels or that this is just how i experience gender as an autistic person, completely unrelated to being trans. i really don't know yet, but i know no harm will come from me thinking about it and asking questions. all input is good input, so i appreciate this ask!! so yeah tldr agree with everything you and @lixxen said i'm just using joyce as a vent kin to figure out whether im trans or just autistic and gnc

[professor-rye]

10, 20, 30, 40 for the weird writer asks!

Thank you for sending me some questions! Apologies in advance for how much I ended up rambling 😅

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Oh gosh. Definitely Dapple. I was worried that I wouldn’t finish the very beginning idea I had (which ended up just being act 1), so I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when not only did I finish that, but then it kept going… and going… *and going.* I’ve always been good at coming up with ideas for long fics, but never before (or since) have I ever been able to actually *stick* with writing them, let alone so consistently. For some reason, for Dapple, my ADHD brain said “This is your life now and you are addicted”. It literally was what kept me on this earth for a while there. It unironically saved my life. And then it just… disappeared. 

My brain no longer wanted to think about it, and it was only habit keeping me going for a while there. I pushed past that point way too far and got burnt out, and I’m still waiting, desperately hoping, that the floodgates will open again. And not just because I want to finish it, mind you. Like I said, writing and posting dapple did so much good for me. It was a safe harbor in a storm. It helped me process some of the worst traumas in my life. It got me *so many friends*. I can not express enough how much I miss it. …. Gods, okay, that got way deeper than I intended. Apologies! Gods… well uh, on to the next question!

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Well, after the last question, I think the answer is probably obvious lol. No question at all, I would pick to perfectly finish Dapple (Gods, and if that also let me get the sequel idea I had as well?? And also all the side fics??? Shit I would sell my soul for that). (It also doesn’t help that I am ace and have trouble contemplating the idea of magically gifted eternal happiness, so like… it was just very stacked in Dapple’s favor already)

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

So, its kind of complicated? I am very much so that writer who just daydreams about fic ideas as I lay down to sleep every night, so there is a very hazy period during the in between where sometimes I’ll get ideas that I can actually remember the next morning.

But I don’t think they’re actual dreams, because my normal dreams tend to be a) incredibly stressful and b) about the most boring stuff imaginable, which is quite the combo. 

But I will say that the pre-sleep daydreaming feels so different from any other actual plotting that I do. It’s very… gods, how do you describe this… 

There’s a thing I learned in art school where you step away from your composition and squint till you can only see the hazy outlines of the different elements of the work. Or like when they tell you to turn the painting upside down for a bit to see what isn’t working. The pre-sleep daydreaming always involves reimagining the scenes I had already thought about during more lucid moments, but looking at the broader strokes and the pure emotion of it (because sleepy). 

So most of the “ideas” I got from those moments were realizations that certain elements didn’t quite work the way I wanted them to, and then once I was actually lucid, I could think back on it and then (sometimes) realize a better way to handle that particular part. 

So… yeah? It’s hard to say if that counts as dreams specifically, but it’s also a really big part of my writing… existence? Process feels weird to say there lol. But yeah, it felt relevant to share. 

Gods, I’m rambling again. Last question! 

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(not me taking several days to find this poem because my memory is terrible and I kept mixing up the line I was searching)

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb. ~ Mary Oliver

So yeah, if anyone else wants to send questions, here is the original question list post thingy. I will try not to ramble quite so much next time 😅