#yeah i am rambling because i am actually stressed out at the idea of going to check my health i don't like it and i don't know the protocols

[rapha-reads]

My ankle has been bothering me for a few weeks now, at least 4 or 5, and because it's not the first time, I didn't do anything about it and just waited for it to go away on its own like it usually does, but for the past couple of weeks it's been hurting me more and more, and the past 3 or 4 days I've been standing around for hours on end at work, mediating the exhibition hall, and now it's visibly swollen and hurts even when I'm not walking, so everybody's telling me to go check it, and I myself said I'd go to the ER to get it checked, because I don't have a doctor, but also I've never been to the ER on my own and I have no idea how it works, and there's definitely going to be a long ass wait, and because it's just a swollen ankle I'll definitely be very low priority so I might wait 4 or 5 or more hours, and do I even want to spend my Monday like that? Like, how serious a swollen ankle is, you know, I can walk and it's fiiiiine.

Arf. I can feel it hurting and pinching even without moving my feet. I'm gonna have to go, isn't it? I hate this. I never go to the doctor, any time there's something not okay, I just wait for it to go away or let it be or swallow a couple of ibuprofen and call it a day...

Yeah, me and getting my health checked are not even acquaintances. Once I had a very severe anemia for more than 2 years, almost no iron left at all, and it's only when I started a job and the work doctor I was forced to see said "uuuuh, we gotta check your blood" that it got treated. I have an allergy to something, I don't know what, that makes me blow my nose and cough up phlegm all year long, I always say "yeah, I should check it out" and never do, my ankle often hurts for no reason like right now, I should check my iron again because I'm pretty sure it's lowered again, but am I going to do all of that? No because on one hand I don't know how the health system works and on the other hand every time I tried getting an appointment with a doctor it's never worked.

Anyway. Should get some sleep first. Especially if I'm going to get up at the crack of dawn to get to the hospital. Ugh. Not how I wanted to spend my day off after 6 days of non stop work.

[pintrestgrl]

loved your bsf!jj drabble!!!!! maybe a little drunken love confession from bsf!jj … and reader thinks its lowkey too good to be true bc she’s been yearning forever… but when they both sober up jj is like !!! i meant wtf i said !

hi i wrote this and then it completely disappeared. sigh. also im sorry if this is bad, i was half asleep bc i spent forever writing it the first time.

also i’m sorry for being inactive yesterday i was so so stressed nd had cramps and was dying… but hi !! hope u like this anon 🥹

note: after writing this, i rlly don’t like it. but i pray u guys do 😞

drunk!bsf!jj x pogue!reader.

“here, drink this.”

you spoke, shoving a glass of water into jj’s chest, sitting down next to him on the couch of the chateau.

he was clearly very wasted, and you were only a slight bit tipsy.

you two had both went out to the boneyard together, the rest of the group out doing god knows what.

he rambled on about not wanting to drink it, before giving in and chugging the clear liquid.

“thank god, you’re annoying when you’re drunk.”

“no, ‘m not. you are.”

“at least i’m not sloppy wasted, unlike somebody.”

“whatever. guilty by association.”

he spoke, slurring his words and laughing drunkenly.

“i’m not associated with you, you wish.”

“you’re my bestfriend, of course you are.”

he spoke, rolling his eyes amused at your denying.

you managed to let out a fake chuckle, silently cringing inside as he called you that. were you really only his ‘friend’ to him?

you wished to be so much more, and he had no idea whatsoever.

you were snapped out of your thoughts by his voice, drunkenly rambling again.

“thanks for the water. that was like, kinda sweet.”

“sweet?” you question, laughing as you furrowed your brows.

“yeah. you’re a sweet girl, i swear.”

you opened your mouth to protest, before being interrupted before you got the chance.

“you’re kinda pretty too.”

you froze at his words.

pretty?

that’s the last word you thought jj would use to describe you; at least to your face.

“what?”

“actually, no. you are pretty. very pretty.”

“jj, you’re drunk.”

“yeah, i am. and you’re pretty. probably beautiful if i could think right now.”

“you don’t mean that.”

“no, i do. i definitely do. i don’t know why you don’t have a boyfriend. or why i’m too dumb to ask you out.”

you were completely baffled at this point, trying to find any truth in his words. and to your surprise, he sounded genuine. drunk, but genuine.

you had liked him forever, and this was the most he’d ever showed any reciprocation.

you were always too scared to say anything, afraid of his rejection and what it would do to your friendship.

so, you opted for having some of him, rather then none at all.

“do you even understand a word you’re saying?”

you spoke, desperately needing to know if he was just drunkenly saying bullshit, or revealing the truth of how he felt.

“yeah, i do. you’re a sweet girl who is too pretty to not have a boyfriend. i mean, god. your face is perfect.”

“jj, shut up. stop.”

“no, you shut up. let me talk. i think i like you.”

“i’d hope so, considering i’m your bestfriend.”

“no, no. like actually like you. like seriously.”

you desperately were trying to deny his words, convincing yourself this was a dream and you needed to wake up.

“you think you like me?”

“no, i actually know i do. like a lot.

“jay, you’re joking.”

he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“can you let me be serious about one thing in my life? i mean, god. i’m not joking. i’m serious. serious about this, about you.”

you could tell he was probably getting agitated the way you kept denying him, the way his mood shifted from amusedly drunk, to pissed off.

“why don’t you sleep the ‘liking me’ off, yeah?”

it took a while, but you convinced him to just go to bed. and as he layed in the next room over, you couldn’t get over his words.

was he trying to get in your pants because he was wasted, or was he serious about liking you?

you knew the thought would keep you up all night if you let it, so you decided to drop it from your brain, drifting off to a light sleep.

next morning

————————————————

you woke up groggily, a slight hangover lingering on your body. once you registered everything, you decided to go to the room next door, consisting of a likely just as hungover jj.

you opened the door, sitting on john b’s his bed, silently shaking him awake.

you knew he’d probably get all mad, but you needed him to help you clear the lingering thought in your head.

he groaned, mumbling a sleepy short sentence.

“what do you need?”

“can we talk?”

“speak or forever hold your peace, stupid.”

you rolled your eyes at his tired insult, reluctantly continuing with your words.

“uh— last night, you told me some stuff. like that you liked me, thought i was pretty and stuff. were you serious?”

he shot up as the words spilled out, immediately sitting against the headboard.

“i told you that?”

“yeah, you did.”

“shit— um, well yeah. kinda. in a way.”

“kinda?”

“no. not kinda.”

he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

he spoke again, sounding embarrassed.

“yes. i did. i meant it. every word. ‘m sorry. i didn’t mean to— jesus, fuck.”

“no, it’s fine, uh— i ‘kinda’ like you too.”

you said, letting the words come out before you thought about their weight.

“kinda? you’re serious?”

“yes, i’m serious. and not kinda, i didn’t mean that. i like you a lot.”

“shut up.”

“i’m serious, i do.”

“well, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“i don’t know. i was nervous.”

a silence filled the room, not awkward. just waiting for someone to figure out the right thing to say.

finally, jj spoke.

“uh— i’m like really hungover.”

you rolled your eyes at the subject change, finding it just like him to do something like that.

“that’s what your gonna say?”

“no, fuck—sorry. can you just sleep in here with me so i can think straight after?”

“you could’ve just said that.”

“well, i just did, didn’t i?”

“i guess. and yeah, i can. scoot over.”

he awkwardly listened to your demand, not used to the feeling of you knowing about his thoughts of you.

you both fell unconscious soon after, unknowingly shiftinging your bodies closer as you slept.

you slept for another hour or two, limbs tangled and intertwined together as your mind tried to decipher if this was a dream, or if your head was really resting on your bestfriends chest.

[abunnsburrow]

Scrambles in

is this the right? Yeah? Okay-

I'm here again, back with my deranged ramblings!

Today I wanna talk about Nya, not a surprise but I wanna talk about a specific timeframe of her's which is Season 3.

I find early seasons Nya both frustrating and fun because of her general lack of characterization. It's aggravating in the sense that she doesn't really get treated as a character because of being the Girl but it's also fun to take all the little details and try and build a narrative out of that.

That being said let's talk about the infamous Love Triangle!

So this thing is a mess. That's obvious and Nya is a big part of that. We've never seen her interact with Cole before this so her feelings very much feel out of the blue. Why is that? Well there's actually a simple answer to that: she doesn't actually have feelings for him.

We see early in the season that the relationship between Jaya is kinda iffy. While it isn't big there's clearly at least some troubles and it isn't perfect. It seems relatively standard but it is setup for the start of why Nya ends up acting the way she does.

Jay: Hi, Miss Nya. I saved you some pudding. Nya: What did we talk about? Jay: Oh, right. Boundaries.

I do want to state that I fully believe they are together in a semi-official sense. When others talk about them it's as if they're boyfriend and girlfriend, and they talk about each other like they are. It's also important that Nya does like Jay back, the prime example I can think of is the expression she makes when one of the students mentions the idea of Jay being her "Perfect Match".

Like- come on it couldn't be more obvious.

Back on topic: if she does like Jay and I just said that she doesn't like Cole then why does she have so much conflict about it? The answer is that Jay is probably her first relationship.

Nya is a curious person and considering there have been some issues in her relationship, and this is most likely the only romantic relationship she's been in, she probably has doubts. So when she's straight up told Cole is her "perfect match" that probably makes her start to wonder and idealize the idea of what being with other people could be like. This becomes especially obvious when one of the main reasons she lists for liking Cole is that he "isn't Jay". In fact, this is repeated within the season itself!

Nya: Am I that obvious? What do I do? Jay's the only one who makes me laugh, but Cole...Cole's not Jay.

S3 Episode 2

Nya: Seriously? A blue or black wire. I have to cut one of these wires to shut it down, but cut the wrong one and it may crush you guys instantly! Jay: Ooh, choose blue, Nya! You know blue! You're comfortable with blue! Cole: Choose black! Black is not blue!

S3 Episode 3

(These are just off the top of my head there might be more examples but I can't remember them atm)

So this makes me believe that her feelings of Cole are more so a projection of her curiosity and craving for something different and new. Especially since Cole seems like the opposite of Jay in a lot of ways so naturally she would fully lean into that idea.

All of this is subconscious meaning Nya doesn't know this which is why she has such a hard time with it. She hates this entire situation and definitely would prefer it to be over sooner rather than later. Visually Nya constantly looks stressed and avoids talking about it because she doesn't know how to solve it and Nya isn't the best in terms of handling her own feelings.

There we go, my little analysis as to the how and the why of the S3 love triangle on Nya's side!!

I will be making a sequel to this talking about Season 4 so stay tuned for that but for now, enjoy my thoughts as someone way too invested in a little lego gal! Adios!

[chipped-chimera]

Aquarium update - I have a Betta again! Got kind of burned last time so I travelled wayyyyy north from where I am to get her, along with some cories. It's been about two weeks since, judging my water changes (do about 25% a week, not because the water needs it but more because any longer and my filter gets gummed up) and she's been doing really well. She's changing rapidly, but she was very juvenile when I got her (like literally only a bit bigger than some of my green neons which max out at 3cm) which I expected, since marble gene. The contrast of a few weeks though is kinda nuts.

Not quite named yet, since honestly I was so burned from last time (RIP fish Karlach 😔) that I've been hesitant to name her or even share anything about her online. Also because I literally have no idea how she's gonna look in a few weeks as she matures.

I was thinking maybe Arita or Imari since her patterning reminds me of Asagi Koi and Imari-Arita Ware ceramics? Leaning towards Arita since it sounds a bit 'sassier' I guess (idk, vibes) and she definitely is that. I'll take suggestions though!

Anyway more fish rambling below -

Honestly I was so hesitant to get her, but I was already putting in replacement Cories after a mystery disease decimated my Corydora population, leaving my admittedly kind-of-fat female Three Lined solo. Whatever contagion was in the tank is either gone or dormant (since a lot of fish disease I know is entirely reliant on how stressed a fish is - they can still be a carrier but completely fine) after basically doing every treatment I had at my disposal. I think it was a mix of parasitic and bacterial, maybe fungal? Hard to target given all my tank tests consistently returned a big fat 0ppm for all the bad shit. My tank is about as clean as it gets - I only change about 25% weekly and that's more to clean sludge out of the filter, it never really needs it. Admittedly some of the deaths I contributed to because I wasn't aware how much my tank PH had changed over the months (test your PH regularly guys), apparently the huge chunks of wood have exhausted all their tannins cause I've gone from acidic to more basic. It seems to be holding about 7.8, apparently related to the Seiryu stone in there. Basically water changes caused the PH to flux to much, contributing to stress for the Cories. Yeah I feel bad but I'm also not blaming myself since a. Literally first tank b. I am learning the fish hobby is really annoying for consistent information. Like literally information that doesn't contradict itself half the time. A lot of that is the reason why I've been slowed down in figuring out what is going wrong and that ultimately has resulted in a lot of loss.

Important part though is everyone seems to be doing fine, and I've learned enough now to maybe recognise stuff a lot faster. One of the Pandas, after my first water change developed a big fungal streak down it's body (I'm guessing it scuffed itself in a panic somewhere) but had that treated easily within about 3 days with just Pimafix. No seriously, they're doing well. Well enough they apparently spawned? Saw the betta striking some mystery thing on the glass. I thought it was a freshwater limpet (they've been in there, just haven't seen them in a while) and realised no, actually an egg. Not opposed to this since I'm pretty close to stocking limit (at least in a regular, unplanted tank) so I'm down for the population control.

Betta really is a little predator though. She's honestly weird for a Betta in that she doesn't show interest in food. At all. She might nibble at a fallen bit but couldn't care less about anything I put on the surface or during feeding time. Been monitoring her weight, and she's definitely not underweight. Guess I have enough random critters in my tank (Planaria, about a million scuds since my last-ditch effort treatment to save a Cory decimated my shrimp population. I lost my favourite orange/red shrimp too 😭) to sustain her? Worry is of course I need to re-establish more shrimp. There are some left but nowhere NEAR what I had before. I've seen her chase a few who appear, she definitely has them on alert but they tend to be too big for her anyway. And too fast. Juveniles though ....

I do have a HUGE amount of hiding places for new, young shrimp (just moss. So much moss) but I think I'll maybe raise them in a netted isolation box until they're big enough that she's no longer a threat maybe? Idk. That or I get technically-not-allowed Cherry Shrimp from someone local, since they tend to be adults. Juveniles are kind of my only option at my local store.

Anyway that's the ramble!

[lovelywetdreamer]

Hello how have you been ? I hope you're well .

You could write something about Dick Grayson with a Valentine's Day theme, like Dick with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

Fluff, just love, slight mention of smut.

Please ❤️🔥

Chocolate and Dick Grayson is perfect for Valentine's Day

I'm getting over the flu. Thank you for asking. Happy Valentines day

"Me stressed? No, no I'm completely fine." That was a big fat. Anyone can tell because you have sweat coming down your forehead like a river. You can't but feel stressed every time it comes to buying Dick a gift for Valentine's Day. How on Earth do you buy a guy whose father is literally a millionaire? Yeah, it's impossible.

"Okay, okay I lied. I am stressed Starfire. I don't what to get Dick for Valentine's Day. I am out of all ideas."

"Oh, I got the idea. Get him something from the heart or an actual heart."

" A homemade gift is perfect by the way humans don't usually like actual hearts, Starfire."

You asked Raven to teach you how to knit and crochet a scarf for Dick. He had been complaining about how cold the night patrol had gotten. Raven's scarf looks professional while yours looks like you made it with your eyes closed. You can't throw out and make a new one. You have no time; you got to see Dick at his place for your guy's Valentine's Day plan.

Bandages all over your hands were the first thing Dick's noticed. "What happened to you?! Who did to you?!" Dick asks while examing your hands. Your hand wasn't as bad as he thought. Just tiny scratches coming from the knitting needles.

"Noone. I was knitting and wanted to give you something from the heart." You say presenting him with a blue scarf barely staying together. You immediately wanted to chuck your gift out the window, but Dick beats you the punch by taking the scarf. He admires it with tears in his eyes.

"This is the best gift I have ever received. Baby, this put my gift to shame." He really did love your gift. He already wrapping it around his neck. "I hope you like my two gifts."

He came out with the most beautiful diamond necklace and for some reason a wheelchair. He presents the necklace to you with his hand all nervous and sweating. His face was a reddish thing you have ever seen.

"Dick, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Before we continue, what is the wheelchair for?"

"Really?"

"Of course! I had never seen such a beautiful thing in my life."

"Whew! Haha, I'm glad you love it", he fell to his knees," It's my mom's necklace. It's the only thing I have left of her. I was worried you were going to hate it. It is outdated. It just means the world to m-

A kiss stops him rambling. " Love the gift and feels so honored." Turn out Dick was more stressed than you about his Valentine's gift to you.

"You're gonna need it after I get done with you, my dear." He says as he throws you in the bed. You did need that wheelchair after he got done with you. Body sores in all the right places and not being able to walk for a week straight.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone and please eat a lot of chocolate.

DC made this wonderful art.

[starstruckodysseys]

hi pibeblr. the short version of this is that i love you

the long version. THE LONG VERSION!!! is that. well. hang on

i’m a lot. just like… as a person. i don’t shut up about my interests and i don’t really understand social cues and i am always deeply afraid im going to say the wrong thing and everyone’s going to think im weird.

that’s. sort of heavy. i swear it’ll be relevant in a second here.

i wouldn’t say i kickstarted the play it by ear fandom, partially bc i didn’t really do much and partially bc it was absolutely a multi person effort and i am so, so grateful for everyone involved. i’ve been here since the beginning, though.

i remember the first fic week — i was sitting in my high school theater tech class, probably half ignoring my teacher’s lecture given that i was apparently on tumblr at the time. or maybe we had a substitute at the time. it would explain why the second i read the post i opened up google docs and got to work.

the venn diagram of curses and crushes means so, so much to me as a fic. it was a journey in figuring out what this series meant to me as a person. it helped me realize that yeah, cringe culture is dead, actually, and i should write about the four polyamorous teens who got trapped in a mall and all had crushes on each other. it helped me let go of my inhibitions when it comes to writing and stop worrying about what other people think.

mostly, though, it led me to you all.

i know i’m a pretty damn good writer. like, i’ve had works i’m not proud of, and it’s taken me a while to get here, but i know i’m not terrible. that might sound arrogant, but i’ve spent so long being insecure that i don’t really care. it’s one thing to know you’re good, though, and another thing entirely to have a bunch of people flooding your inbox about possibly the stupidest thing you’ve ever written in your life — including your warriors fanfiction you wrote at eight years old — all of them deeply, incredibly supportive.

and it pushed me to write even more. the months of february to may of 2024 was possibly the shortest amount of time i’ve ever written so many fics in. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without so many wonderful, amazing, incredible people pushing me onwards, supporting my ideas even when i think they’re ridiculous.

i was terrified to join the discord server, initially. that sounds wild, i know, because i never shut up in there now, but i remember sitting backstage during rehearsal, stomach twisting with nerves as i stared at the invitation screen. it was ridiculous — i knew it then and i absolutely know it now, but knowing’s never changed anything, has it?

i’m so fucking glad i accepted the invite. i cannot stress that enough. even at the very beginning of this fandom — fun fact, the server was created like, maybe a month after the first fic week, for those who don’t know — everyone was so supportive and kind and wonderful. i was the youngest member at the time (i keep forgetting i’m not anymore, actually) and i was so intimidated by all these incredibly talented people that i almost never talked.

i don’t know when the switch flipped, or when i started rambling so much more, or when i kind of just lost my filter entirely, but it was one of the greatest not-entirely-intentional moves i’ve ever made. i slowly stopped worrying everyone thought i was weird whenever i spoke — for the most part, at least, but when it happens now i usually realize it’s stupid — and came out of my shell more. i’ve said so many incredibly stupid things on there in an effort to make people laugh. sometimes i even succeed.

you’re all just so incredibly accepting, is the thing. like i said, i know i’m a lot, and i try to condense myself sometimes — which is probably a bad thing blah blah whatever i’m working on it — but you guys have never really made me feel like i need to. everyone’s just sort of like “yeah that’s reese” but in a way where i feel loved for it and not cast aside.

and now i am going to bring my beloved never stop blowing up into this, because of course i am, but i swear it makes sense. because i know i’m insane about it in a way literally no one else is, and even here on tumblr i get really insecure about that, sometimes. but even though i know most of you don’t understand it, you still support me with it — cj comments on my little one shots, and emma mentions she likes my writing even without understanding it, and eli will go insane with me about our ocs on here, and zoie immediately mentioned me about the reference in the to do list animation, and i just. it makes me so fucking happy every time because it’s like yes!! this is my thing!! and i love that you all know me for it and accept me for it!!!!

i had a coherent thought here at one point, i think? i don’t think it’d be a reese ramble if it weren’t incredibly long winded and mildly incomprehensible, though. and isn’t that what it’s about? being known, being seen, and being loved in spite of or even because of who you are?

that’s what it is, i think. i love you guys, really. thank you for everything.

[legalownerofufoemoji]

Ideas/HCs based off friend post?? <3

OH MAN LMAO OKAY UH?

I wasn't expecting AU asks but that actually is a fucking hilarious concept to me

Edit I am adding a fucking readmore because I am INSANE please click for submas rambles

So the tags say l4d and I'm gonna be so fr I don't know a lot of the lore, but I do know zombies and that there are special types

I honestly think, theres two kinds of scenarios that can definitely play out and it all depends on if Ingo gets amnesia or not (if we go with the no pokemon theory, therefore Uxie does not exist, BUT there are other ways to get amnesia so we vibing) because there are plenty of scenarios that make sense for random persok to have serious amnesia. If Ingo just, Wakes Up somewhere he definitely would be logical about it and start off with "I must have been injured whilst trying to survive" rather than "I'm from a different fuckikf universe help me"

My first thought is, if he does get amnesia from idk hitting his head or just Arceus being a cunt, then I think he is a very practical man and would adjust accordingly. He would be stressed as fuck, yeah sure. He would be VERY unhappy about having to be more aggressive in his stance on how he approaches situations (and not understand why he feels like there should be somebody else at his side handling more aggressive/threatening scenarios) but, much like in Hisui, he can definitely go from being funny train man so scarily ripped old man who can and Will deal with shit as needed.

I think guns would absolutely be a learning curve, though. He is used to the loudness because of trains, and I personally headcannon Ingo as hard of hearing and that's why he yells so much (which he would also have to learn to control to not alert the zombies in his immediate area) but I still think he is autistic enough to probably not appreciate how loud guns are. I think he would Deal With It but be moderately grumpy about it, I also think he sould probably be a great shot because of how calculating he can be, rather than if Emmet was in the situation where he would just shoot first and think second.

If we were in a situation where Ingo did have his memory though, I genuinely think that woukd be worse in a way?

The entire time he would be trying so hard to get back to Emmet, it would be literally his only goal, right next to not dying. He would probably speak about Emmet a lot, and also regularly use him as his motivation. God forbid he got injured, his only words would be "I can't die here, I need to get back to him, he must be so worried". He would absolutely also likely put his own health above others slightly more than if he had amnesia, because when he cannot clearly remember Emmet he falls back into his protective older brother stance of making sure everyone else is okay first. ESPECIALLY if they are kids, like in Arceus with the player character.

I also think if he ever got returned to Emmet, he would be much more of a changed man than when/if he returns from normal Hisui. Like deeply traumatized type beat. Amnesia or not, returning to a safe place after being in a horrible location that you literally have to kill to survive would do numbers on his mental health. I think he likely would end up very jumpy, with some form of PTSD, maybe even from the guns and would have issues with loud sudden banging noises. I think he would likely require Emmet to straight up be like a service animal (servive sibling? lmao) to keep him company in public so he wouldn't start tweaking. Crowds would probably stress him out, and he'd also probably be much more touch repulsed than before hand, where I imagine Ingo to be neutral to touch while Emmet is deeply touch adverse (minus Ingos touch, obviously)

Wow I fucking rambled . More asks if you have more questions please because I am unwell (I also deeply enjoy this AU idea ngl I think we should traumatize Ingo a little bit more. For the sillies. It's enrichment to him)

[teeth--king]

Eats your Stardew Valley Elliott art

anyways! Ive seen barely anyone do this but what do you think Elliotts’ backstory is? Like what’s his relationship with his parents? You can draw and/or write it if you want :)

(i crave angsty backstory for Elliott…because I love him…)

Please, feast away! It brings me so much happiness that people are enjoying my Stardew Valley art so much! I usually make my own personal art, so dabbling in a little fan art and it going so well is very appreciated.(also all the nice comments and tags, those fuel me and make me go forward each day)

But for the main part of the ask, it takes so much for my little writer self to not just go hog wild and re-create characters who I get attached to. I have a love hate relationship with this, but it's very easy to do with Stardew characters because they are all so blank slate, those little buddies can be what ever you want because they are the perfect level of lovable yet bland. As for Elliott, yeah I'm a little more on the angsty side of backstory for him, partially from some dialogue and partially from some projecting, haha.

I am not the worlds best writer(despite the fact that it's technically what I do) so I apologize if any of this is a bit rough or odd sounding :P I also feel odd about writing and sharing backstories for already made characters as a creative myself, so this might also be a bit awkwardly worded on my end as well. So just a little heads up before my rambling thoughts below.

So I've always read him as no longer connected to his family due to his passions and actually following them. He's distanced himself from most people in his past, some intentionally and some outside of his control, to try and become who he actually wants to be. I feel like before he came to Stardew Valley he was working his ass off by not gracefully juggling both a job and trying to write at the same time, probably developed some bad habits during those times to cope. He tries to not show it and mask but being kind and welcoming(sometimes overly so if in a rough spot), he has too much ego to let others know he's not doing well chasing his dreams. After moving to Stardew Valley he's started to do a bit better but he's even more of a starving artist because he's just living off savings, most of which he used to buy the cabin. Man's got a male living space by slight necessity but plays it off as being a minimalist. Also no idea where I would place this otherwise, but he gives me the vibe that he has a more public facing persona where he's more flowery and puts on a slight voice, while in reality he's just a dude(still poetic tho, he can't stop that, theater kid vibes).

Ironically trying to not make him too much like my character Elliot. Both of these men are my current stress toys and I am throwing them around so much in my mind.

Ah! Thank you so much for this ask, it was a wonderful distraction for my night! I love answering stuff and getting to get my thoughts out of my head somehow. They are quite loud in there so I'm pleased to have them out and about now. This likely isn't everything but my brain works in such scattered and anxious ways that I am not sure. Thank you again!

[zorkaya-moved]

me @ tumblr rpc: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLOT WITH OCs and it shows.

And you know what? That happens. Plotting is hard. Honestly? Hate plotting so much if I don't know a person these days because I just feel overly anxious and ramble. So yeah, anyhow... Let me share some personal thoughts! THIS DOES NOT TOUCH ON PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR TIME, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME IN PLOTTING AND PLEASE DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN PACE! THIS IS A HOBBY AND THIS IS SOMETHING WE DO FOR FUN! This is based solely on some of my own experiences with SOME plotting (not all ofc!) as a woman oc writer in 2022-2023. I've had fantabulous experience with plotting and not so much. Please know you're valid, Ily, thank you for bearing with my burnt out ass in plottings. Mwah. Stay winning.

We all suffer from the collective dead brain cell syndrome when it comes to plotting any interaction, but do you know what kind of sucks and makes little ol' me tinsy bit bitter at the end of 2023 after going through countless people who just ignored my plotting proposals when I gave a ton of ideas? And what I'm going to call out just a tiny bit as a woman oc writer?

You can get into wikipedia and seek out information about a canon character to figure out some ideas on plots if you don't know the fandom, but do you do the same for OCs? 'Cuz OCs are sure as hell the very same 'canons from fandoms I don't know' type of situation.

Do you reach out to the CREATOR who can answer all your questions no matter how miniscule they can be? We, OC writers, are ready to give you the deep lore if you ask.

Do you check out about pages or headcanon pages? Hell, some of us have DETAILED NAVIGATION PAGES FOR VERSES! Is your OC or Canon from there? Check it out! Read! Find what interests YOU or if you didn't find something? Just ask the WRITER! Simple, innit? God, Imma be real, some of y'all gonna get my DMs like 'Listen, I can't find if you have this hc, could you please link it to me?' because I want info for plot ideas and if you do the same to me? I kiss u platonically.

Lemme give you a Done For You plotting thoughts you can use on how to plot with OCs, ladies and gents and nonbinary folks!

Do you have a specific dynamic you WANT for your character? Perhaps, you see a villain OC and want smth toxic to try out - ASK. Or you see an OC that might be a fun friend or neighbor or any other more positive dynamic - ASK. Inquire each other about what DYNAMICS you're open to. Oh you open to all? Sick. PUT DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES FIRST. BOTH SIDES. SPEAK YOUR BOUNDARIES.

Do you have verses both of your characters are in? Be it OC & OC or Canon & OC? Noice, discuss all possible connections your characters might have! Offer ideas! Offer thoughts! The worst thing another can say is 'no'. And if so? COUNTLESS POSSIBILITIES. Yummy possibilities. Friends, childhood friends, childhood rivals, exes, rivals, co-workers, fight on sight, live next to each other, see each other in the same fucking cafe your muse goes at 2 pm specifically and ALWAYS sees another muse there... Countless. I'm telling you.

JUST DO THE FIRST STEP TOO WHEN YOU INTERACT WITH OCS, I'M ON MY KNEES BEGGING.

OFFER. IDEAS. The vaguest ones will do ok too. I cannot stress this enough but as an OC writer, I've had instances where I just... Gave 5 ideas only to have someone just drop me. Fully and completely. Not the 'I'll reach out to you later I need to think about this' but just full on 'wow this is too much plotting and I don't want to invest that much time' like it sucks. It sucks being the only person offering possible dynamics, ideas, even funny ones in some cases! I'm so burnt out from plotting dynamics because I keep. Offering. Ideas. But I don't have the same feedback loop. More like I have 0 feedback in the instances I dive into possibilities which burnt me out from plotting altogether, closing plotting possibilities with those who may actually be the same kind of insane as I am. And it sucks. Bless you all who give vague ideas or not vague ideas. Love you. You're fucking champions.

BE OPEN TO ASKING QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS, HOLY SHIT, PLEASE. Please never forget to ask "Hey, how would you feel about this scenario?" or "Would your character be in this kind of situation? Maybe that's how they met and started hanging out?" or "Oh, how about us trying out this type of dynamic and see where it goes?" or anything, really.

Anyways, this is just my 2 am psa because yeah why not. December sucks ass so why not speak out my thoughts at the end of 2023 to enter 2024 with sunglasses and cool Women OCs Propaganda I will continue preaching. You're all welcome to reblog this.

[hetalia-club]

Finally i don't feel alone in thinking the fandom is toxic, because I had to deal with a horrible amount of ableism (for literal disabilities I have and apparently someone thought I was incontinent and basically compared incontinent people to diaperfuckers) and even still I have to hide behind anon due to the fact the fandom also has a problem with stalking too, since i have been stalked by people who made private accounts around me and screenshotting everything I said to the point I had to actually talk to someone from the Trevor Project because I genuinely did not feel safe

apologies for the rambling, this fandom isn't normal about disabled people

Honey I'm so sorry :(. Yes people are mean and something about this fandom normalizes it. Idk what it is exactly. People say it's 'always been this way' and while that's true it HAS gotten WORSE. mainly because the fandom is smaller and the assholes just sort of all form a cult together and thrive off each others negativity. They say the people with the worse opinions are the loudest and that couldn't be more true within this fandom.

Also the ability to go fully anonymous on this sight is both a blessing and a plague. I do feel that there SHOULD be a way to find out who the anon was. I myself have been consistently harassed by a Spain kin for almost 5 years. It used to really get to me and it doesn't anymore. I truly just no longer give a shit. I went on Hiatus for 2 years and they CAME BACK! Like they were waiting in the shadows and like a bond vilian just turned in their chair and were like "well well well...". It's just kind of funny if you think about it I live rent free in their dome and they don't even know me. An I can't block them because they are always on anon. So I just delete it and carry on with my life. Last year my therapist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder and it answered a lot of questions I've always had about myself. Which means I am an extremely shy person chronically so. I take things to heart even if I shouldn't. I feel things very deeply for myself and for other people and animals. My therapist taught me some tools to try and help me deal and I got an increase in my meds. One of those was to not watch the news or actively sought out negative events because those destroy me. I just can't take it. It's a huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't I don't like the idea that I make it about me' in some way. It doesn't really do much but it numbs me a bit and makes me care less. It still affects me sure but I feel too unbothered to care. My AI covers have been a HUGE stress relief for me and a good distraction from my feelings. But again it's just a distraction. They are little boosts of serotonin to make and it makes me happy and it makes me even happier when someone enjoys it.

The reason I tell you this is to help you understand that no one really gives a shit. That sounds harsh but please let me elaborate on that. I mean I have straight told people "I am legit too shy to function and I do not like to talk about certain things because it gives me major embarrassment that can last actual days. Can we find a new topic or maybe pivot." but they don't actually listen to me about it. And I understand that it's hard to remember everyone's little quirks but to constantly have to remind people and for them to just "Oh yeah sorry... anyway like I was saying" really stings. Because of my disorder you can imagine I have an extremely hard time speaking my mind and standing up for myself. I want everyone to like me I don't want anyone to dislike me to a fault. I will ignore my own feelings and emotions to let others speak about what makes them happy even if sometimes it does sting. So I actually very much do know exactly where you are coming from with that. Just please remember that these are strangers online. Yes they can say hurtful things but the second you close teh app they disappear. They don't actually matter. And YES I am fully aware that this is easier said than done please believe me on that.

This fandom does have a serious issue with ignoring and disrespecting others disabilities. Especially some that are not really heard about/normalized much like yours or mine. I 100% know everyone thinks I'm lying about my personality disorder being a real thing If they don't want to understand me I can't make them, which sucks but I have no control over that. I wish it were not that way but we can't change other people and the way they think/ act but we can work on ourselves and how we process harassment. I wish you luck anon, you're never alone on this bitch of an earth, love you <3

[crow-caller]

Hi, I've followed you since Lightlark and I just want to say- this may sound weird (and if so I apologize) but hearing about you being neurodivergent, aroace and such is kind of really helpful to me, because you're cool and have a lot of interesting thoughts and generally seem like a kind of person I'd be happy to be.

I stress a lot about missing out on "normal" life things, like romance or going out on the town to have "fun" (despite loathing alcohol, unfamiliar food, bright lights, loud noise and crowds) or what have you, but you know, maybe it's okay if I eat the same few foods and take joy in my niche passions. Maybe, if I listen to your angel book talks with delight, there's people who would listen to my rambles about dragons or conlangs (or dragon conlangs!) as well?

yeah!!

this is one reason I am pretty forward about this. I have been working to moderate how much personal info I just cavalier share on the internet but mostly I do it because it is a case of me hoping it helps others. I didn't know I was autistic for a very long time, same really with ace and such. I still am questioning much of my identity and have for years, and it took me a while to get okay with just being questioning and undefined. Autism too I was really against ME having at first, because my family is all autistic and difficult so I had a bad idea of what autism was. Now I realize I 100% am and actually I am cool, so it is cool.

So I realize how hard it is to see people at all like you and while I'm having any shimmer of spotlight inexplicably I figure I ought to be telling people you can just sort of get by having a weird self-defined life of whatever you want and it's fine. I'm 26, I'm very autistic and chronically ill, I'm ace and maybe a bit aro and just sort of an adult who is allowed to be all those things. I took a long time to realize this but you act as you want and be honestly yourself, and if you're lucky you can just find a friendgroup on similar wavelengths who will enjoy all of that stuff you do and offer

[galar-abortion-clinic]

Hihihi so I am half awake so liiiiiike for the emoji asks

Jules: 🌨️ ☕️🧠

Screwis: 👁❗️🦷

AND FOR MY WILD CARD, RUFUS: 💝���️🐰

And uuuuuh lemme toss in a random one that you can answer for anyone: 🧁

I am so overtired it's almost 11 goodnight ily k bye <3

YIPPEE thanx for the free Ramble Out To The Void About Your OCs ticket baby, love you (👉 ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)👉

Jules:

🌨️ - If this oc had a day free from all their responsibilities, how would they spend it?

His first impulse would be going around pestering others to entertain himself lmao he’s a social creature through and through, BUT he could easily get lost in a project and spend the whole day tinkering by himself with spare parts. He has yet to actually invent anything that works but it’s only a matter of time before that changes, right?

☕ - What is their preferred beverage(s)?

A beverage is like, any *non-water* drink, right? My man’s got a fierce sweet tooth, he could get down with just about any tongue-stingingly sugary drink indiscriminately, but i think he’s best out of all my ocs about staying hydrated. He’s got one of those water bottles marathon runners use. Yknow the ones with a mist feature that he constantly sprays himself with by accident. Also enjoys sparkling water cos IT TASTES LIKE 1,200 VOLTS!!!

🧠 - What is their stress response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?

Always defaults to fawn, he hates conflict terribly and doesn’t want anyone to come away from a situation with hurt feelings. He’s not a doormat, just wants to be fair to all parties and (foolishly) assumes the best of everyone. If pushed, though, or if someone he cares about is put on the spot, he’ll fight. Would prefer not to tho, and he’d be pretty sad it got to that point

Screwis:

👁️ - How do other people perceive this oc? How close do their first assumptions come to the truth?

At first blush he’s got that distinct ~tall dark and handsome badboy~ vibe that isn’t entirely a mischaracterization, but also doesnt even begin to cover it. People start off drawn to his charm and rebellious nature only to realize he’s a juvenile clown who uses the ol hand buzzer gag when he gets to second base. Hes genuinely unhinged in the unsexiest way, just wait til he gets old n’ ugly like the rest of us

❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?

In his own words, gettin’ tail and having a good laugh. Im pretty sure he justifies every major life decision with “wouldnt it be funny?” Terrorized his local community for the lulz, squandered all career opportunities for a cheap joke, moved regions for a fresh start and fucked it all up with more clownery, joined a band for the spectacle, etc etc. He basically functions as a personal horror story of compulsive self-sabotage

🦷 - Would this oc ever bite someone?

Oh yeah

Rufus:

💝 - How much effort do they put into appearances? Do they have a favorite article of clothing?

She assembles outfits with purpose, but also doesn’t like to spend more than 20ish minutes on prettying up. Usually I’ll give ocs piercings cos body mods are super important to me but rufus is the exception since those are a bad idea for fighting. He favors practicality over fashion, but can appreciate when there’s an overlap. For example he loves spikes, and patches up tears in his clothes with grey and light blue fabrics (his favorite colors)

✨ - Tell something that makes this oc feel happy!

Getting punched in the mouth, because that means she gets to retaliate. She’s far from a righteous plucky shounen protag but insists she’s the good guy, so she’ll reference having this undefined Warrior Code Of Honor that constantly adapts to whatever makes her the hero of a given scenario. He also loves catching low-gliding whimsicott out of the air and making wishes :3

🐰 - How huggable is this oc?

Depends on what youve done to “earn” a hug. She’ll squeeze you like a pinsir’s vise grip, feels pretty good if you need your back cracked. He always hugs two and half a seconds longer than youd expect him to. Pros: feels warm, embraces fully and firmly, not opposed to lifting you if desired. Cons: skin feels a little rough, rigid and stiff hold, 50% chance she’ll whisper something threatening in your ear before letting go

Jacqui:

🧁 - When is their birthday? How do they celebrate it, if at all?

Her birthday is March 8, making her a pisces if that means anything to you :} When she was still active as a performance poet she’d have an annual reading of obituaries for people who died on the same day, followed by an artsy grim and shocking “event” like serving individual spoiled ingredients instead of a birthday cake or tearing a cocktail dress off of herself to reveal an sfx suit of fake guts n gore underneath. Her niche fanbase really misses it

[nerdnag]

The time has come for me to finish my philosophy bachelor's.

...Lots of ramble below. I mostly just need to get my thoughts out, but there is a plan by the end!

For those of you who were around in May, you may recall that I struggled a lot to get a sort-of-presentable draft ready for my supervisor, hoping to be able to hand the thing in before the end of the semester, and was then completely slammed down into the dirt by said supervisor when he returned the draft a few days later with... pretty strong words about it. Few of which were positive. I couldn't bring myself to read the comments he'd left in the actual document at the time, because the email was enough to bring me to tears.

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't wrong, it was just a bit shocking to have him go from "hey, how's it going for you, the thesis treating you well? oh and here's a link to a fun video i found on the internet" one day to almost-kinda-petty critique the next. And also, I am wholly unused to disappointing teachers, supervisors, mentors or superiors of any kind. That may sound strange considering my ADHD, which should in theory have gotten me in lots of situations like that, but my entire life, I've usually managed to make use of three things that have helped immensely to get things done well and on time: 1) special interests/obsessions/hyperfocus, 2) perfectionism and performance anxiety, and 3) high IQ. Number one has helped with motivation and creative flow; number 2 has helped motivate me through shame; and number 3 has helped me "bullshit" my way through assignments/relatively easily create a coherent and acceptable final product without doing all of the actual work I should have done (...and also making the actual work I do put in a pretty good quality).

But for some reason, these tactics didn't quite work out this time. I could come up with many different ideas about why this was, but one really important part of it was probably the fact that I've been heavily overloaded with work at my job and still haven't fully recovered from the immense stress I was under from March 2022-June 2023. I might not be able to recover from that period of my life without doing some pretty extreme changes in how I live my life, and although I've been working on trying to make some of those changes over the course of the first half of this year, it hasn't been impactful enough yet.

And so in the middle of this, of trying to recover from a backlog of both work and stress, while still being under quite a lot of stress at work (although not even remotely compared to how it was a year ago), I was also trying to write a bachelor's thesis in my spare time.

Oh, and did I mention I also took on a volunteer position in my spare time from April onwards that has demanded quite a lot of time?

(Jfc why do I do this to myself. ...Because it's fun and I am bad at saying no. That's why.)

Anyway, enough rambling about what's happened and the reasons for it - long story short, I realised I wouldn't be able to finish the thesis in time, and so I told my supervisor I'd hand it in by the end of the summer instead. And wouldn't you know it, the end of summer is closing in. :)

So with the help of my partner, I managed to finally open the document containing my supervisor's comments, and rather than lose myself in complete and utter anxiety and horror over the words, we could sort of laugh over how unnecessarily harsh he was being. (I guess my supervisor actually was a bit disappointed, since he'd seen before that I was more capable than that. I don't blame him.) I also realised that it wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined, and that my life isn't actually over and done for. So yeah. (He even had a couple of positive comments for me, actually.)

Then we made a plan for how to tackle this thing. I'm going away on the 22nd of July, so the goal right now is to have a finished draft to send to my supervisor on the 21st. Then he can read it, give comments, tell me whether he gives his approval or not, and after I've made any necessary adjustments, I can hand in an opposition version by the middle of August. Since I am currently on vacation, and I do need to actually try to wind down from work as well, I've settled on working on my thesis for 3 hours each day, starting tomorrow (the 13th), and my deadline each day is noon. If I realise after this Sunday that I need more time, I'll increase it to 4 hours every day.

It should work. I know what I need to do, and my supervisor's comments are clear. I enjoy writing and doing research and I will finish this in a way that I'm proud and happy about.

So there. That's my promise to myself. I'll climb out of this hole, fill it in with new dirt, and then start building the collapsed tower of blocks up again.

[nickolox]

((( long ramble post)))

trying to figure wtf is going on with your own mental health without the help of a professional + having a mental illness that already fucks with the way you perceive things (ocd) is genuine hell

like, I HAVE a psychiatrist, but he's fucking. awful and always puts medications first over like, figuring out what the fuck is going on

and everything about this whole procedure just feels like, off???

tldr: local man questions if he has The Dissociative Disorder™ whilst being simultaneously given red herrings and blatantly obvious eye opening signals at the same time, and has the same realizations 30 times over because i am in a constant cycle of denial, forgetting and then rediscovering this bullshit

so to put it in a nutshell most of my psychiatrist discussions about the big disorderly things go like this:

psych: so what are you experiencing me: i keep like, having these massive gaps in my memory, where i have no idea what happened or what i did or anythign for hours and hours at a time, and i looked up what that means and its apparently called dissociating? what does that mean? psych: right, that's a stress response. me: yeah, That makes sense. But I've also been unable to remember major events like my sister's wedding or my graduation... psych: well... obviously you were just anxious lol me: *remembers the photos i have as the only proof i have that those events happened, and im smiling in all of them* maybe?? i mean, it didn't seem like that was the case. psych: (completely ignores that) hmmm. okay. anyways- me: also I've been hearing voices??? psych: where? externally or internally? me: internally psych: (visible relief) oh thank god i was concerned it was schizophrenia for a moment, having an internal dialogue is normal :) me: i can't control the voices though, and they don't sound like my own voice in my mind. they're distinct, and it's not like my OCD either. psych: that's normal, sometimes people just imagine things ^_^

so, it was "anxiety" the first time, came back. told him this shit is still happening, and then he blamed it on my medications, and now i'm on a new set, which i suppose needed to happen anyways?

But like, he told me that brain fog and memory loss are a thing with prozac (what i was taking before) and i was like "huh no one told me that" to which he said "well no one says the full list of side effects because no one would want to take the meds otherwise"

i get home, i look up the fucking manual that comes with prozac when you go on it for the first time, and no where. NOWHERE. is this shit on that list of side effects. i look up a list of the side effects, dozens of sites, NOTHING!!!!

I speak with my bestie and he reminds me that,

I dealt with these problems prior to going on medication (something i didnt even remember, lol)

it has literally nothing to do with anxiety bc he himself has crippling anxiety and deals with none of the shit i do

i'm going to shit bricks dude what the fuck is wrong with my stupid brain, it feels like such a wild challenge compared to when i found out about my OCD, like, dude at least with that bitch it was consistent, it was 24/7. as shit as that was at least I knew it was always there, always there to be a bitch, but undeniable none the less.

This current mystery disorder is like, oooOOOooo i'm going to be here SOME OF THE TIME!!! to make you DOUBT it exists!!! and im sitting here like, is this a symptom or is this my ocd fucking with me bro

i feel like i might have some kind of dissociative disorder, but the problem I'm having is that it's not CONSISTENT??? like, some days I'll be like yeah this is the dream and then other days I cannot physically do anything, remember jack shit, feel like my soul is leaving my fucking body all god damn day?

why do people always talk about alters too, it's like, the one thing I don't experience, or at least, the one thing that's rare enough to not hinder me like the actual dissociation problems.

I feel like I can't be certain, and that sets my OCD off, because my brain goes "what if we're faking- what if you're overreacting" which in turn makes me go. insane. I am going insane.

there is sooo much more i could say, but i just realized it;s half past midnight. I should um. probably go to bed.

Goodnight.

[0809sysblings]

I was listening to Double's instrumental and there's like, the sound of a baby or small child?? What is going on??

very good question, i would also like to know the answer!

yeah tbh i don't have a very confident idea on what it means... i guess i've got a few possible ideas as to what it could signify but... again, i'm not confident in them so do with these what you will 👍!

also this is kinda long and rambly lol oopsie daisy...

it could represent John having been just born (as he directly refers to himself in the song as "a newborn" and also talks about how he was "born" only very recently in Neoplasm). now if this was meant to mean this, I would think they would have used the crying of a newborn baby to represent it since they cry when they're born, not laugh. which the audio seems to contain laughing, not crying. and newborns cannot laugh yet, only cry. so maybe instead of having just been born it's meant to allude to the fact that he's very very young.

TANGENT INCOMING...

--skip if you want it's not super relevant. maybe interesting to think about, but not completely relevant to this.--

cause i'm not really sure when exactly John split! was it before the murder(s)? during? after? idk lol.

i REALLY need to actually sit my ass down and read those long ass tarot card analysis posts for MeMe because i haven't really read any yet because i suffer from Cannot Fucking Sit Down And Focus To Read Giant Paragraphs Of Words disorder... which is ironic because i love rambling and making long posts. as you can see.

but anyway. maybe he split to deal with the stress leading up to it. or maybe he split to deal with the stress of the murder(s) having already happened and to take the responsibility even if he didn't actually kill anyone. it's not uncommon at all for an alter to split afterwards to take on the aspects of a trauma that can't be accepted.

for example- if Mikoto is the murderer, maybe John split to be someone who did want to murder the victim(s) and to be someone who doesn't feel any guilt over having done it. and then the other characteristics to his personality are to support this: unapologetic, doesn't take any shit, fine with being violent to protect himself and others, doesn't feel bad about rebelling, etc. hell, he could even legit believe he was the murderer depending on how far his role to take responsibility for it goes.

if John is the one shown mostly in Double (because there's certain imagery to suggest that maybe he isn't there for a lot of it. but also imagery to suggest he is. i hate it here my brain is too small for this), he may have not actually done the murder(s). if the inside of the train represents the subjective reality (not the objective reality) of what happened, so how John sees it, then that could be why he's doing the "killing" on the train even though we know the confirmed murder happened outside the train station. he's there to be the murderer, even if he may have not actually done it. and why we see mannequin pieces flying outside the train, where the murder occurred, as he swings from inside the train.

TANGENT END... yippee

ok i had another explanation but i cant seem to figure out how to word it... and also it's more to me like a "oh, an interesting nod to this thing maybe..." and less an actual theory.

if someone wants to add onto this with their own takes, please feel free <3. because i haven't thought too long or hard about this yet or any legit theories for the MV. despite being mikoto-pilled, i am more the type of person who likes to pick apart the psychology and subjective aspects of characters and behavior. not really... actual narrative theories.

thank you for the ask!! sorry i couldn't really answer anything for you though, hah...

[professor-rye]

10, 20, 30, 40 for the weird writer asks!

Thank you for sending me some questions! Apologies in advance for how much I ended up rambling 😅

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Oh gosh. Definitely Dapple. I was worried that I wouldn’t finish the very beginning idea I had (which ended up just being act 1), so I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when not only did I finish that, but then it kept going… and going… *and going.* I’ve always been good at coming up with ideas for long fics, but never before (or since) have I ever been able to actually *stick* with writing them, let alone so consistently. For some reason, for Dapple, my ADHD brain said “This is your life now and you are addicted”. It literally was what kept me on this earth for a while there. It unironically saved my life. And then it just… disappeared. 

My brain no longer wanted to think about it, and it was only habit keeping me going for a while there. I pushed past that point way too far and got burnt out, and I’m still waiting, desperately hoping, that the floodgates will open again. And not just because I want to finish it, mind you. Like I said, writing and posting dapple did so much good for me. It was a safe harbor in a storm. It helped me process some of the worst traumas in my life. It got me *so many friends*. I can not express enough how much I miss it. …. Gods, okay, that got way deeper than I intended. Apologies! Gods… well uh, on to the next question!

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Well, after the last question, I think the answer is probably obvious lol. No question at all, I would pick to perfectly finish Dapple (Gods, and if that also let me get the sequel idea I had as well?? And also all the side fics??? Shit I would sell my soul for that). (It also doesn’t help that I am ace and have trouble contemplating the idea of magically gifted eternal happiness, so like… it was just very stacked in Dapple’s favor already)

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

So, its kind of complicated? I am very much so that writer who just daydreams about fic ideas as I lay down to sleep every night, so there is a very hazy period during the in between where sometimes I’ll get ideas that I can actually remember the next morning.

But I don’t think they’re actual dreams, because my normal dreams tend to be a) incredibly stressful and b) about the most boring stuff imaginable, which is quite the combo. 

But I will say that the pre-sleep daydreaming feels so different from any other actual plotting that I do. It’s very… gods, how do you describe this… 

There’s a thing I learned in art school where you step away from your composition and squint till you can only see the hazy outlines of the different elements of the work. Or like when they tell you to turn the painting upside down for a bit to see what isn’t working. The pre-sleep daydreaming always involves reimagining the scenes I had already thought about during more lucid moments, but looking at the broader strokes and the pure emotion of it (because sleepy). 

So most of the “ideas” I got from those moments were realizations that certain elements didn’t quite work the way I wanted them to, and then once I was actually lucid, I could think back on it and then (sometimes) realize a better way to handle that particular part. 

So… yeah? It’s hard to say if that counts as dreams specifically, but it’s also a really big part of my writing… existence? Process feels weird to say there lol. But yeah, it felt relevant to share. 

Gods, I’m rambling again. Last question! 

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(not me taking several days to find this poem because my memory is terrible and I kept mixing up the line I was searching)

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb. ~ Mary Oliver

So yeah, if anyone else wants to send questions, here is the original question list post thingy. I will try not to ramble quite so much next time 😅