#yeah hes a roach guy but hes wanted and trusted

[nomstellations]

The forwardness of the question caught him completely off guard. He was almost tempted to ask them if he heard them correctly- but he knew he did. Gregor wasn't the most appealing sinner out of those on the bus, he knew his appearance could gross out or terrify other people. But this person chose him out of everyone else...

And they wanted him to eat them.

His face flushed a bit and he shyly looked to the side, avoiding their eager gaze. "You're...sure about this, bud? You're perfectly fine with that? I wouldn't be able to bring you back up for a while, and-"

He was cut off by the sight of their enthusiastic nodding. The City was full of odd requests; they recently took a request that had Heath swallowing someone to keep them safe...but this wasn't exactly the same. They sought him out specifically, even though he was in many people's eyes a gross bug. His stomach quietly grumbled, reminding him that he hasn't eaten in a while... "Alright," he sighed, "Don't say I didn't warn you, though..."

They had insisted on being swallowed whole feet first, and after an awkward few minutes of figuring out how to make it work he successfully had their feet in his mouth. Greg hesitated for a moment, giving them ample time to back out...but they didn't, so he took the first nervous swallow that pulled their feet into his throat. The swallowing process was slow- every time he swallowed he'd pause, giving his soon-to-be dinner a chance to escape, and when they didn't he'd swallow again. His stomach was slowly beginning to fill, and he paused when they were about halfway down to put a hand on his stomach.

It was already audibly gurgling and grumbling with their legs inside. His meal was entranced, watching themselves slowly fill and add to the bulge in his stomach. His vest was starting to get tight...he unbuttoned his vest before swallowing thickly, continuing their decent. They weren't even fully swallowed down yet and he was already feeling full, and strangely relaxed...he hasn't eaten this much before and it was already catching up to him.

Almost down...another thick gulp and all that was left outside was their hand, dangling limply from his mouth. His stomach swelled to accommodate its large meal, and his shirt strained to contain it. One last soft glp and they were fully engulfed by his body, and he huffed to catch his breath. His arm wrapped around his stomach while his claw arm anxiously hovered over it.

"Y-you alright in there, bud? Nothing hurts or burns, does it?"

He felt them shifting around in his stomach, which happily burbled around them as they settled in. He couldn't quite make out their voice through the noises and fat of his stomach, but their "mm-mmph!" sounded pretty happy...so they must be fine. He didn't quite feel so assured...but he sat down to make himself comfortable. His stomach sloshed and burbled as he moved, and his guest wriggled to accommodate. "Well, let me know when you want out alright? Or if it hurts or you're uncomfortable or anything..." Rather than reply, his meal suddenly eased their hands into his stomach. Gregor flushed, the massage stirred up a quiet belch out of him as he rested a hand on his gut. It felt...good. Really good, actually...was this their way of showing their appreciation? He didn't think anyone could enjoy this, especially not from him...but he guessed this wasn't so bad at all, actually. Hopefully nobody would walk in on him having a post-meal nap...

[ryansosilly]

I just had to check to see if you were chill like that!!1! Some people only do scrawny petite bottom reader 😒

anyways may I request some headcanons with a big buff male reader, like taller than ghost so everyone thinks he’s a dom but he’s actually a subtop, please and thank you 🙏 feel free to do any characters you’d like but I’d really appreciate if you included Makarov or Keegan :3

sincerely, 🩻 anon

i am such a sucker for big buff subtops you guys don't even know how deep that shi goes in my brain. Even have a whole ass big buff cod oc that I'm itching to draw more about 😞 thank you so much 🩻 anon for this blessing of a request!

I've decided to do headcanons for those characters, in order:

All of Task force (Price, Gaz, Ghost, Roach and Soap)

The 'Famous Kortac' chars (Krueger, König, Nikto and Horangi)

The ' questionable but if drunk enough I'd let em hit it' (Makarov, Graves, Alejandro and bonus of Keegan)

If you want more characters than that, you outta specify but trust me I am VERY much into writing much longer headcanons and with a lot more characters. So the more the merrier! I'm going to part them by sections in the following order above!

I tried to make it make sense for both if you're a part of the team AND if you're just a civilian so you don't feel forced into anything. No specifics used for the reader other than the fact they're big buff and a submissive top just as the anon requested! You can look like anything, here, I'll NEVER use such descriptors!! This is for EVERYONE regardless of race, weight, eye colour, age (as long as 18+) and allat bullshit.

Task Force

Captain John Price

Hasn't had any experience before with another man. I'm DEFINITELY certain he has fucking grinder on that ancient Nokia of his. He definitely called himself a bear a couple times as a joke but never went on a date or tried anything. So for his first experience with a guy to be a big buff man? Yeah good luck buddy. Poor Man was struggling for a while, it took a lot of trial and error if you know what I mean for him to find out what actually worked and what he liked.

Low-key bruh? He was kinda intimidated at first. A bit ashamed and even his pretty damn secure masculinity took a hit he barely recovered from. Luckily, just being picked up and craddled like a god damn no weight damsel in distress had him already ready to go back with no thoughts of shame and regret.

What DEFINITELY helped was how he basically saw you like a big puppy wolf without the 'bad' part. Yes, you were an outstanding soldier (if you are in the military) that was for sure but when he told you to sit, you sat your ass DOWN!!! the obedience you gave him with just enough 'dom' in you to fuck him good enough to leave him dizzy after that was exactly what he needed in his life

Easy to say that ever since you two started dating, he has had a de-stress 'funtime' very often that everyone noticed.

He isn't too kinky of a guy tbh. But......sommeetimmeesss maaybee he'd be willing to pull a collar with his name on you. Not full on petplay or anything. He just liked seeing it above him, maybe with a complimentary leash to pull on if you went too hard for his liking.

He has an above average libido, which only applies to his relationship with you. It slowed down and calmed with time but for the first time and the next much after, he was a BEAST (and had the hair to back it up)

He joked that you brought the size of the big bad wolf and he brought the 'bad and hair' to the table so you were basically complete.

Ghost was the grandma and Soap and Gaz were both the red riding hood. (They argued about it)

His FAVOURITE part isn't just you being on the more submissive part tho. It's actually the comfortable hugs you provide. And the fact you let him give you just as much comfort. It felt very peaceful, he respected the equality you had between each other that despite the differences, you were definitely equals. (Not so much when he is in commando mode on the battlefield but that is NO foreplay little games)

If I were to be completely honest, he ain't that much into doing it in public like I've seen him being written. He wouldn't do it on his desk that's for sure. And if you suggested that? He'll slap the living shit out of you and bring your tallass to your KNEES to apologise. Then maybe he'll feel bad and PERCHANCE let you hit it as long as there's no paperwork there.

What he will do? Maybe would give you some support from under the desk but of course. It's only okay if your desk. If not? Then you gotta be down on your knees. He isn't much of a giver but definitely a taker.

He has a shirt called "old men yaoi" that he was given by Soap. Did you ever explain to him what that means and why he shouldn't wear it when In meetings?..

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Oh Gaz was a mess. He hasn't even THOUGHT about dating a man before..i mean yeah sure maybe he did THINK of looking up some gay porn from time to time but it couldn't possibly mean anything, right? Yeah he was a boykisser full and through. Then he was wondering why his relationship with women rarely worked out. He was more a girl's girl than most girls were.

And that confusion lead him into your arms. And goodness me. That was a ride for sure! Haha get it? Ride. He rode you like a fucking bull when he got used to the feelings. He was an UNSTOPPABLE force once he got comfortable.

I don't really think he was as insecure outwardly, he didn't feel ashamed to be out with you because he loved you very very much so and he didnt see shame in that. Only a little inside doubts he dared not share. Maybe a tiny bit of internalised homophobia.

For a while, he was growing a lot more doubtful that he tried to fit the stereoptupical 'feminine' role before you two had even started having sex. You were masc so he was supposed to be fem even if he didn't feel like it, yeah? That did not work out. A lot of victims (people eating burnt food) and sacrifices ( burnt kitchen and kitchen appliances) fell tragically due to those attempts..

You had to sit him down and explain to him everything. Once that little misunderstanding was out of the way and mostly his mind, the real fun for him began. Due to how big you were, he decided it was no longer necessary for him to do most of the stupid chores around, so, he just told you around with such nice sweet words like 'Honey, can you please carry the trash out for me?'

The trash was not even half his size and even in your hands but he just didn't feel like it and really liked seeing your muscles flex when you picked something up.

Sometimes he even purposely made things a bit HARDER for you to pick up. Like putting extra weights on your pole when you were lifting at the gym when you weren't looking, like sometimes even attempting to do that couple thing of 'sitting on your back' while you were doing pushups.

Lord have mercy on his soul when you actually managed to do a decent set of pushups with him on your back??? Yeah you were set for LIFE.

He was more of a switch when it came to bring dominant or submissive. He didn't mind anything as long as it was with you. He did get a kick out of being the Dom so he did lean on it most of the time. He felt a little confused how a person who fucks him senselessly can be so submissive but let me tell you. He QUICKLY got the hand of it and used it well

He wasn't too freaky at the start either. In fact, he barely had any libido for a while, taking a bit of time to accept everything. Once he accepted he, he fell off the deep end. He decided to do the fatal mistake of looking up stuff about gay sex to make himself understand everything better and to possibly even impress you during your first time together. And uh..oh.. um. He fell right down the trap of bsdm. There was no going back. Some still did disgust him. Like for example, there was no fucking petplay, not even a tiny element of it. You were on an equal footing. What there was a lot of? Handcuffs, bondage, scratching and biting. Yeah all of that was in. He still mostly leaned on wanting to try different positions like being fucked while being held up. He had done it before with a girl but for him to experience the 'girl' role? Was an eye opening experience..might as well call it a spiritual detour for him.

Your height and size did attract a lot more people than he would like it to. He finally understood why those girls acted like that in his past. Yeah you were definitely holding his hand whenever you went out. Bitches need to back the fuck OFF. He wasn't possessive to an unhealthy amount tho. Maybe only a little anxious and jealous but definitely keeping it real, he was an overall healthy individual to be in a relationship with once all of that doubt when away. He was in for the long run and you better be.

But if you fucking say something like "chocolate vanilla swirl" he will punch your teeth out.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

(I'm going specifically w Og Ghost for this one but due to how little we know about current reboot Ghost we might as well group them. There WILL be heavier topics discussed here in only this section due to how complex Ghost is. I am not going to water him down or romanticise his situation.)

⚠️Some trigger warnings: mentions of rape, sexual assault and his fear of intimacy. Basically keep in mind his fucking backstory when you read this section. If you do not think this will be suitable, I'll put a divider from when the possibly triggering part starts so you can skip it.

Ghost was bewildered. No fucking way. Absolutely not. There is NOTHING going up his.. ahem. Maybe. On Sundays cuz it's not gay obviously. He was DOWN BAD. he has gone through so many fucking issues, that he was afraid of loving anything and anyone and he falsely fell down into the rabbit hole of 'nobody is coming to save you, get up.' it got him through everything.

But finally somebody came and actually helped him. And instead of it being the stereotypical princess that he had saved during previous missions.. it was an absolute unite of a man picking him up, swinging him over his fucking shoulder and RUNNING faster than how Ghost ran when not injured or carrying a grown ass man. Maybe that was when he fell in love. But he didn't have a clue what was coming for him.

Oh just you wait until he finally let you in. It was no easy job. He even put you through ACTUAL IN REAL LIFE TESTS. INCLUDING papers and physical. Yeah you can't jump as high as a horse to make it through the field? Wrap it up. (He'll let you try again. It didn't even NEED to be if you were in the military like him. Even as a civilian, he'll treat you like a soldier. Sorry not sorry.)

he pushed you to your absolute limits. Guaranteeing that you'll stay just as big.and ho ho. He LOVED it. Seeing THE Ghost Riley entering a room already made everyone tense. Now? There was an entire Godzilla behind him entering with, acting like his fucking bodyguard without even lifting a finger.

in a way also..he was just.. a bit envious. You were strong, big and intimidating. Everything he wanted to be and everything he WORKED to be. His peace of mind came from the fact you were very submissive. The one thing he wasn't. He worked on himself throughout the relationship to change his beliefs. Instead of being envious, he accepted you as an equal, someone he admired but wasn't envious of.

Back to big scary bouyfriend though

i doubt anyone would be dumb enough to even speak back to seeing an intimidating man, an even bigger and scarrier man behind him with a big German Sheppard that looks very ready to attack any second. (I love Riley)

Riley approves of you as his boyfriend.

If you're in the army: He'll definitely take you around on the meetings with him. The possibility of someone not being intimidated by him alone are low and the chances after torture are even lower to zero. But with you behind him? Just lurking? Not even having to do the heavy lifting unless asked to by him? Yeah. Unstoppable.

For a while it almost made him sick with power. Or that's what he thought the feeling was. The feeling actually was just him falling in love deeper. It stopped behind casual when he started calling you up shamelessly at night to come over.

If you're not in the army? He wasn't even a little worried later on in your relationship. At the start? Yes, he still DEMANDED to accompany you but it took you beating up one person for him to be convinced that you can go alone so he can be tightly snoozing at 6pm on a free day after his tea. (He still tracked your location occasionally. He made sure to ask for permission, of course. If you said no, he'll not do it and instead accompany you more. No matter how strong you were, he will never truly not be afraid of losing you. He is NOT like those weirdos make him up to be.)

He really liked buying you specifically clothes. Maybe a little bit of a gooner one might say but he would love it if you were to casually pull up with a compression shirt on. Only you. Nobody else. If anything, everyone else wearing it outside of duty got a disgusted look from him. You were the only eyecandy he would feast his eyes on.

As a first time, he probably had you sit down with a folder of gay porn, showing you every video of what he wanted done. A bit weird of a bloke he was but alright. He did his research. He did not feel even a Little shame for showing you everything. He WILL get a laser pointer or a damn teacher ruler to point at the screen to make sure you're paying attention. That was no joke, stop laughing!!! Immediately!!! ( He is not very socially aware)

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS APPLY FROM ⚠️

vvv⚠️HERE⚠️vvv

It took a little bit for him to change it in his mind that it was not casual to have sex. And it was even less casual for you to STAY after you were done 'using him up' (as he'd

put it). To stay and dry his tears, the comfortable and warm aftercare. For the first time's, he ended up crying in the middle of the act. He didn't feel as safe for a very long time and the crying never did stop. It simply changed meanings. From the fear to relief and safety, thankfullness. You were softer, you listened to him even if you were bigger than his previous male assaulters.

You heard him, you allowed him the control he desperately needed. You made him feel safe and even if he struggled for a really really long time saying no if you were to ask him to have sex out of pure fear, he managed to get himself to speak up when he truly wasn't feeling up to it.

It meant the entire world to him that you actually read his body language, how uncomfortable he was at times, asked him if he was okay and etc. He felt truly seen, not exposed.

I think he switches from being very hypersexual, wanting you whenever you were both free to not wanting anything to do with sex for weeks to no end. You being understanding to his situation made him feel better and his moods will stabilise with time to a more consistent pattern.

TRIGGER WARNINGS NO LONGER NEEDED FROM HERE DOWN!!

He is DEFINITELY not as he is commonly written. He will NOOOOT have sex on the battlefield no matter what you asked and how much you begged. The battlefield is serious and he won't even entertain flirting if the situation is especially serious. Doesn't mean that HE won't flirt with YOU but you're not allowed to! Only he gets a pass. Same with joking. It's only okay if he does it and you better respect it or he'll give you a nasty look!!

His head is too busy to even think about kinks at times but what he is never too busy to not hate is quickies. Not sure why. He just doesn't seem like the guy.

He is a confusing guy. Sometimes he is into something then the next day he isn't. The best way to find out is usually to ask but that doesn't even go well all the time.

Yeah your absolutely massive size plays a part in what he is into all the time tho. Uncertain why but I think he is into the pretty normal positions like him being on his back and you above him humping like a feral dog just as he told you to. Bonus if you hold his hands, intertwined fingers and all. Sometimes when at home, not deployed, he likes it on the weirdest places. The complete opposite of his work self. On the table? Hell yeah! You might as well just lift him up, put him on the table and fuck him right there and then. The bathroom sink? A little nasty but won't say no if there's a mirror. He DEFINITELY likes reminding you how you look, embarrassing you, even SOMETIMES mocking you if you told him that was okay earlier.

"look at yourself, I must feel so good, huh? Keep going then."

sometimes he is more entertained by watching you than the sex itself

Oh but the sex itself is NOT to ignore tho, sometimes he is left so shaky legs from pushing both yours and HIS limits that he can barely walk. Yet.. still tries to trot out, marching like a soldier with awkwardly high raise of his sore knees and heavy steps. He looks like a duck or a toddler learning to walk. You should help him!

Not vanilla, he does dip his toes into some freaky things from time to time. He uses your height and muscles against you a LOOOT. Even if you aren't a soldier, he expects you to act like one. You WILL respect him as an lieutenant in bed.

Specifics of what he is into? He just kind of likes mimicking you. Whatever he notices you're into, suddenly he'll act like he has been into it for years. Does draw the lines at toilet play and the really down bad degenerate things. Surprisingly? He also does not like choking that much. He does it, but really rarely and it's not even breath play, it's just him holding your neck to pull you down. And don't even THINK about reach for his neck or your fingers will be broken there and then.

Scratching and biting are ON the table.

Very hesitant about bringing weapons in bed tho. He knows you're a big strong guy just like him but it feels like mixing his work with his love life. You've to be very insistent and with very specific things to convince him to use something dangerous. Guns are allowed as long as they aren't loaded. Knives only need to be dull and handcuffs are mostly fine as long as they're padded up, not to hurt your wrists. They are NOT getting near his wrists though...

Maybe they are...

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

(I'll try to make this as long as possible despite us knowing like..none about him. Btw yeah fuck y'all he is definitely going to have selective mutism fuck y'all saying it's unrealistic. It's unrealistic for NICKY MINAJ AND SNOOP DOGG TO BE IN THE ARMY TOO BUT THERE THEY ARE NEXT TO THE PINK FLUFFY KÖNIG AND GODZILLA!!!)

Roachy is a tough one. I don't think he has dipped his toes in gay sex yet. You outta teach him about it. Maybe maybe. He like accidentally got recommended gay porn once or twice but that's about it. He didn't click it. He was not that interested.

Oh goodness but once he got a taste of that, there was no going back. It was the first and last he had. He is an adult male so obviously he did probably have sex like..once or maybe twice if very lucky and you squint your eyes and close one of them. Just he never really got to be with a guy ..and especially not a guy like you.

I think he'd be like the "hey mamas whatcha doi- wait......." By reflex then be silenced by himself until he figures out what's the male equivalent of that. Like hey papas? Hell no that sounds weird? Daddy? Yeah the daddy issues aren't that bad yet.

He is more a of a thinker than a doer and he appreciates you doing him nevertheless. He himself is quite tall, basically same height as Ghost. Roughly the same age (26) as well. So, just like for everyone else, it was new territory for him to be spoiled and treated like he treated others

What he most loved is that he didn't have to forcefully unmuted himself when with you. It either happened naturally or you were so intimidating that nobody dares to come talk to him no matter what it was about so you two can stay in silence together.

Just like I hc Roach was the soft spot for Ghost, you were his soft spot. Or more like he was your soft spot so you just did everything. There is a lot of apologising that happens

Not to mention how SHOCKED he was when he first saw you being all submissive and sweet, the complete opposite of what you looked like. He was in for a tough ride, fully prepared himself mentally that he'll need to put those sleeves back and get READY to break those walls of yours to finally get to the sweet cute you that he believes is in everyone.

Well it took like.. one cup of tea and a couple nice words and that's it, walls were down and you ended up making out? Somehow? Don't even ask me. Things just happen and he lets them happen.

He isn't that much more talkative when with you. In fact, he doesn't even need a reason to speak. You were just two dudes hanging out in silence, doing whatever came to mind while letting you do the talking. It was..for the best.

Even if you didn't have the best way with words, trust me it will be better than if Roach was in control of the situations

If you guys see him as autistic I get that so I'm gonna contribute to that.

His special interest is everything related to the military. And especially weapons and ranking. He overjoyed when he became a sergeant. And you should be too. The only times he opens his fucking mouth to is to yap about weaponry. And oh no they should not have given him permission for that.

Big scary boyfriend is basically a pass to everything in his mind. Not even in a childish way. It's a threat. You are scary because you got those two guns on you at all times. Gary is scary because he got GUNS and he knows how to use them. And use them very WELL.

oh yeah? You wanna force me to do something I don't wanna do? Go tell that to my boyfriend.

he climbs you like a fucking tree probably

As for sex life? That don't matter to him. He isn't that much of dom or even a sub. BUT if you asked him to do something? He takes it like a fucking challenge. He WILL do it and surprise you with how well he does it.

He REALLY likes to praise you. Praises you for just existing as well. Compliments everywhere and anytime. He is basically always thinking about you.

Just because he was thinking about you, doesn't mean that he'll only keep it in his mind. You were on his SHIRT. He had one of those "I love my boyfriend" shirts with your picture in a heart. He wore it unironically too. He does love his boyfriend so every motherfucker in the perimeter should know it.

Unfortunately price did not give him permission to wear it under his gear. Very unfortunate, really. Instead, he has a bunch of custom made stickers of you on his weapons. And a picture of you in his wallet. And your initials on his collar. And-

John "Soap" McTavish

oh me oh you. Sorry not sorry but he knows what's up.

Gary may <3333 Love <3333 his boyfriend but Soap? He LOVES his boyfriend m from first glance, his first thought was how cool and awesome you are. He wanted you to be his friend so badly that he started tweaking publicly in front of everyone, following you around like he is lost and even asking to carry your weapons/bag of groceries or anything you were carrying ever really for you to show he is just as strong.

There was NO insecurity here. Just like every single ex catholic school goer, he was the freakiest, nastiest lil mf around. My man's knew and been there done that better than the Pitbull. And I MEAN it.

Man's would probably even ask for a Footjob for all he cares. As long as it's safe, sometimes even that, he is down. Anything.

There no beating around the bush. You were his from first glance and he was yours before you even met.

Yeah maybe the Catholic guilt was so crushing that every once in a while he had a dream of just embracing you while the world around him was burning. But he won't let go. Hell wasn't a punishment bad enough for him to ever let go who he loved. And that dick was banging.

There was ever rarely any complaining about who tops and who bottoms. He is DOWN for it all. Maybe sometimes he'll ask if he can top. Maybe even beg but he was no twink or pushover. If you gave him the chance every once in a while, he'll TAKE IT.

Of course, that libido often runs short and his energy drops. Sometimes he feels bad and there is no better feeling than to just walk up to you and fall without a warning, knowing you'll catch him. He is NEVER giving a fucking warning. He will drop face first, fully trusting you catch him. You better catch or I'm catching you big boy.

He has long since lost his connection to his parents and many siblings so the conversation about meeting them a bit bad but don't worry about it. It wouldn't have gone good anyway. He was the only McTavish you wanted to know. And the only one you should know anyway.

He was very much attached to the hip with you. Far more possessive than Simon but somehow even more secure than Gaz. Don't even ask how. He just is.

Anytime you were to go out when he was not deployed, you are DEFINITELY standing behind him. Anyone thinking that big delicious man Soap was single was sure to regret it. Women and men, everyone goes down upon his request.

"No lass, I'm not single but you can ask my boyfriend if you want. [REDACTED]!"

just the moment they see you walking in, having to lean down to not bust your head into the frame of the door and any guy or girl that was into John, is GONE

Positions? Yeah all of them. For his birthday you can buy him a book of every sex position and he'll even put it in the calendar so you don't forget

Why is he so kinky? Not because he particularly enjoys it. He just wants to fill the void. And god doesn't cut it anymore. He felt aware that his time in the military was running short and wanted to do the opposite of Ghost.

You were there to balance him. The big scary man in his life that reminded him of things he forgot. He loved it.

Back on the 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂mode

Telling you around what to do was NOT happening. Yes, he MAY nudge you at best but he LOVES leaving you clueless, lost. Not knowing what to do with yourself when you're senselessly fucking him makes him even more turned on. What makes him the most turned on? When you just do whatever comes to mind. Like a lost animal. And oh the coldness in your eyes disappearing and being replaced by that hot botherness. He was so down bad for you.

In everyday life? You better not be bringing up your height against him or he is going to glare at you and tell you to drop it. Either that or laugh with. 60/40 with odds in an unknown direction. Good luck figuring it out.

Already planning marriage

Unlike Ghost, he is all for quickies. Here and there, now and then.

He really likes being picked up and kissed. He feels it's funny rather than just genuinely enjoying it in a way.

ALSO Has an I love my boyfriend shirt but a little more shame than Roach and only wears it ironically sometimes, like when going to bed or casual days.

Never before has he gotten to experience what it's like to steal someone's else's clothes. Other people, men and women HAVE taken his clothes in previous relationships but never did he know what it feels like to be the one to do it. Mostly because he hadn't dated anyone even close to his size before.

His type in women was all women and in men was all men but simply, there's not that many tall men. Of course twinks and femboys are ALWAYS ready for Soap and he was..only occasionally ready for them. If things got too dry.

Now? No dryness no more. LEAKING

___________________________________________

Kortac

(the rest will be shorter due to the lack of knowledge on the characters)

Krüger

Trigger warnings AGAIN for really fucked up things for Krüger. He is a lil freak in the worst ways possible. Gore, porngore, self harm and everything bad is going on here but I'll still give a section of smut hcs for no triggering topics. They'll again be marked accordingly.

Oh LAWD. Unlike ALL of the other ones, Krüger didn't even think TWICE. He was overjoyed if anything.

In his eyes, you were exactly like him but improved, bigger better stronger one might say.

He was THE most into it. Out of everyone? You two were the most perfect match.

You were used often and turned into a tool flawlessly, with no issue whatsoever. You obeyed like a fucking dog and were horrifying enough to keep everyone in check even when not there.

Your height and strength was what he was attracted to first, not really anything else unfortunately. At least at the beginning, of course.

Sometimes he actually speaks to you the way you'd speak to a police dog.

"Search there"

"Kill!"

He was even more delighted when you first had sex. Finding out you were so.. submissive and obedient was perfect. Maybe you being a top bothered him for a while, he was in denial but once he got over that the first time, he never changed his mind again. He was GLADLY taking your dick anytime as long as he was the only one in control. Every single sense or mean of control was stripped out, held above your head (haha he can't do that often)

He was especially into forcing you to just lay down at take him on for as long as you physically could. You ARE going to take it. He was merciful enough to give you a safe word, of course. Despite sometimes losing himself to absolute manic, he understands consent. OBVIOUSLY.

He is very manipulative, really creative in ways to bring the 'best' out of you. Pushing you far beyond your limits then barely apologising, just to do it again and again.

⚠️⚠️ TRIGGER WARNINGS APPLY FROM⚠️⚠️

⚠️⚠️HERE⚠️⚠️

He was really into asking you to break him. He WANTED, NEEDED for you to cut him up to pieces. Use your big fucking muscles and shatter his body.

Or he will.

Once he found out you were so submissive but still a top, he decided to let it slide, leaving the almost forced gorey sex behind for a while until he can figure out a way to go back to it.

No matter how long time has passed, he still held knives and sharp objects with him in bed, or anywhere on his person he can possibly hide. Once he felt you weren't listening enough, he pulls them out and threatens you to keep going.

Bonus point if that turns you on. Cuz it sure as hell turns him on.

If it doesn't turn you on, you need to actually speak back. Using your intimidating self on him WORKS. Not because he is afraid but because he is into it. He thinks it's really hot.

Likes to beg you into punching him or getting violent when in bed. Man is just a sadomaso

Sometimes he is a lil bit of a..sexist in a way? Treating you like a girl, calling you princess to mock you despite being CLEARLY the perfect picture 'Manly man'. Even putting you in a dress once in a while.

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS END HERE!⚠️⚠️

more healthy relationship starts

If you actually want a healthy relationship with him, you need to put a lot more work. And unlike any other person, you actually have the means to succeed.

Your big figure and intimidation tactics work very well. As long as you can use them, he listens.

He even OBEYS sometimes. The closer you get to understanding him, the more he leaned in on hurting himself instead of you. And once you get to that? He will actually put effort into stopping it all together.

Would probably take years for him to soften but you do get like a little free trial of soft Krüger when he is very tired and sleepy in your arms.

Oh how much he loves cuddling but never admits it..

Just hug him, make him understand and love him and he'll gladly do the rest of the work.

Once he actually softened up, he became a more.. upstanding citizen in a way. More domestic. In fact, you just domesticate him it seems.

just because he got domesticated tho it does NOT mean he'll be less of a 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴.. Sex is anything but boring with that man. It simply becomes more loving and occasionally more gentle.

Fun little extra headcanon? He finds hand holding lewd but not making out or kissing in public.

König

well that's a lil difficult to tell. I think he would genuinely be confused for a while. I do NOT hc him as 6'10 or whatever the fanon König is but he is still decently tall in my mind. Like a 6'7 at best. so, finding someone taller than him AND somehow bagging them?? Like how'd he do that???

He was a bit more chill once he got used to it that anyone else felt small. Since when deployed, he was surrounded by mostly tall people and when he was not deployed and home with you, he was just surrounded by you and you only.

The world felt weird when he went out with you. Two tall men out together. He HATED the outward attention so as much as he could, he'd avoid getting out. Not because of shame, of course.

Sometimes he even used it as a flex. The scary man and the scarier man. Just like Krüger, you were like an improved version of him. Bigger and scarrier. He liked that a lot.

What came as a real surprise was that you were so submissive. He himself was pretty dominant and called himself a top. (Has never been with a guy before though. Maybe the one time he confused a femboy for a girl technically counts but he does not count it if you were to ask.)

Took a lot of him to actually accept a proposal to date..he tried to keep it 'casual' for a long while even if it was anything but Casual.

Can't say that seeing you shirtless didn't turn him on though. Pent up emotions and sexual tension from having joined the army at 17 has the man tweaking the first time he felt turned on by someone like you

You BETTER be treating him nice when you do get to have sex.

Positions don't matter but he personally dislikes eye contact. Of course, what he REALLY likes though..

Surprisingly.. roleplay. He likes playing stupid roles with you in bed. It's a bit childish and he'd never admit it but he always asks for it when you are both free for a longer time. Usually it's just short and straightforward to the point, not much talking other than him telling you what to do, what not to touch and etc.

When it came to roleplaying? He is into some weird stuff. Like putting you into a cow pattern lingerie to embarrass you while he can be 'the cowboy'. (He went on rants about why Is it called a cowboy if he is riding a horse and not a cow? He REFUSES to have it with a horse.)

He is also really into recording it. Especially mixed in with the roleplay.

One time he even asked you to pretend to be a porn star, record it and everything. He wrote a SCRIPT too. Who knows WHEN he wrote that. He just pulled up after deployment to you with it so it must be sometime during his deployment.

one time you were a ghost buster and he was a sexy Ghost. He made a lot of bad jokes that he thought were the funniest thing ever in English. He did not quite understand it but you did find out that he likes the ghost busters movies!

He finds kissing you very nice. Grabbing you by the shoulders and just MWAAAAAHH type shit yk? Especially if it's a more passionate kiss, against a wall or something.

It is a MUST for now both of you to share the same diet and same work out routine. It..took a bit for him to admit he cannot keep up with yours and finally have to unmatch it. Very unfortunate.

He doesn't have any favourite positions, if you asked him he just wouldn't answer or say he doesnt know.

But he does know. It's against a mirror. Or god forbid a fucking window that's just another clean and reflective enough. It makes him go insane whenever you catch him there.

Shares clothing 100%. If you're not in the military, he'd even leave his mask over at your place for you to fuck and pretend it's him, ESPECIALLY if you send him videos WITH sound on. If you dare send a silent one he'll send you a lot of angry dad emojis. Do not test him!!!

he also has a favourite angle that he likes the videos.to be taken from because he sees your muscles flex just right.

Overall really enjoys it. You are forced to work out together, share tall man struggles. Does not care if he is gay or anything, no angst on this one boys.

Nikto

I fuckin love Nikto I'm foaming at the mouth as I write this

He hated it. Like a lot. He would gladly break your fucking legs JUST so you can be not as tall.

It pissed him off, turned him on. Same thing

He is even less likely to let ANYTHING go up his ass than Ghost. It took a lot of time after you started dating for him to even let you undress him.

It started with him founding how submissive you were and exploiting it to HELL!

That was your only saving point. The first thing of him you got to see first was his fucking dick.

Open wide 🤤

NOT allowed to see his face under the mask but you can DEFINITELY see that his eyes were constantly locked on your muscles. He MAY or may not purposely change his workout routine just to match yours.

No reason at all just..felt out dated so he has to change it! Definitely not the tank top you're wearing.

When on autopilot, Nikto was following around you without meaning at all. He himself was usually the most intimidating man around Kortac just due to his pure insanity. Now he had competition. Yeah he saw it as fucking competition.

Nearly a forced one sided rivals AND lovers.

Your intimidation does not work :[

your height only kind of just pisses him off SK you need to go the extra mile with fucking him once he permits it.

Favourite position??? Nikto is somewhat of a porn addict so...he likes weird stuff.

He fucking tried pretending to be stuck in the washing machine. I hope you guys understand just how crazy that is. Would be even crazier if you agreed and DID fuck him while in that.

He DOES like shower sex, especially if the water is cold. He forces you to be the one under the cold water them degrading you if you can't keep it up while fucking him.

You that's not easy so good luck bro. No amounts of muscle can save you from that

Horangi

-----------------------------------------------------

The Extras section

Vladimir Makarov

Makarov is a confusing lad to write about icl cuz I think he would either not care or take another one day to put you in your fucking place as a bootkisser then continue on about his day

You being taller than him ain't no surprise, a lot of men are taller than him. What IS a surprise though? That people around seemed to fear you more than they feared him. He wasn't jealous, he was impressed.

He decided to 'invest' some money into you, keep you under watch. In his head, you're now a high value employee- partner.

Wait what. Where did..we lose the plot???

Why are in his bed?

Oh well might as well. He likes it. He is NOT above no little hook ups or getting really inappropriate during work as long as it was not a very serious situation. It didn't matter as long as his big scary boyfriend is behind him

He almost went on a power trip, jumping and screaming from joy inside his mind when you agreed to dare him

He gave you fucking heels. Weird that he knew your size but he did. You have to wear the heels. Gender means nothing to him.put the fucking heels on and be even taller so he can drool.

He likes big boobs on his men since he himself looks like..that. (no hate, only a lil)

His favourite hobby is teaching you how be a really horrible person, even more self defense and dragging you around. Unfortunately, civilian or not, you ARE dragged into his schemes.

You are also dragged in alleys, covered in blood of your enemies for a quickie. Ooopsie!

He thinks the dynamic is cute

He considers himself to be the scarier one though, would be insult if you even tried to imply that he wasn't the most badass man ever

Weird enough I think he really likes taking pictures of you.but not in the cute way that Gary/Roach does. But in a creepy stalker way

If you asked him to do something that you can 100% do alone, he would mock you, call you weak and etc.

If it's something that you actually say you're struggling with like a jar of pickles or sum that you've loosened just enough for him to open easily THEN ask him for help, he'll acknowledge it was an attempt but till take it and pretend like he didn't know what you did.

He appreciates everything you do for him but NEVER says anything

Outside of work he is not very sneaky about admiring your amazing built. He likes it and makes it clear with his eyes but not his mouth. You are NOT hearing even a single compliment from him. MAYBE a 'good job' like once a week but that's about it.

Sex? Yes.

Occasionally is a bit too paranoid about being seen by his comrades because of a bit of not even internalised but straight up verbalised homophobia but as long as he has enough fucking guns it does not matter

Despite your height and being built like a tank, you do not get privileges to go anywhere alone without a bullet proof vest. He would usually send a bodyguard if you were anyone else but no bodyguard does the job you're on your own for that. It's either him or a gun.

Really likes risky places and pretty crazy or even straight up dangerous kinks. It is like an overload of euphoria and pleasure. The thrill? You fucking him in this place? The FACES you're making? How pathetic you are? Absolutely perfect. Give him that as much as your body can handle.

A big guys gets big fucking expectations and you NEED to keep up.

Phillip Graves

Shameless. ABSOLUTELY shameless. If he likes you, you WILL know off the bat.

"I don't care how many people die, GO GET HIM!!!"

You will start dating him the quickest out of every other mf on this list

Give him a week MAX!

Your big ass is HIS and his only, he is already ordering a bigger bed in his room for just you to fit in while drooling like a disgusting pervert.

He is very much a disgusting pervert.

Whenever he catches you out and about, he pulls out a gun then runs at you. He WILL jump in your arms, if you don't catch him, he'll shoot you in the head. If you do catch him, he won't.

So far, you have caught him every time and you're still not sure if he is joking or not about the whole shooting in the head thing..

Big muscles means he gets use you as a threat. Saying that if someone doesn't do as he says, he'll use them to feed you

And damn looking at you? I'd believe it too.

Not the HEALTHIEST mf to be in a relationship with. It's hardly a relationship, he even pays you occasionally for just attending places with him. Buys your clothes extra fitted and perfect for you. (Sometimes he buys a shirt or pants a bit too small on purpose and asks you to try them. He just likes seeing it so tightly fitted against you that it looks like it'll rip off like Hugh Jackman as Wolverines shirt. Again, he IS SHAMELESS.)

There is rarely a time when you aren't tied up in bed. Only if you complain about the rope or handcuffs hurting too much, only then will he be willing enough to let them go. If he fucking has to, he WILL get some shadows in the room to hold your arms behind your back so you better not test him

Nobody felt safe around him before and now they feel even less safe when there's a fucking bull of a man right behind him at all times. You were REALLY quickly promoted to his "left hand"

"No, honey, you don't get it. It's left hand, not right hand, because you're useless most of the time unless I'm jerking off."

You were 80% sure he was joking. His joke line delivery sucks though so you can't be sure.

VERY kinky, most into bondage but into less severe things than Krügers freaky ass. He would still kill you though.

A couple of times he showed his actual care though. After all, he still has a heart! Somewhere..in there? I assume?

not much to say. Other than he might occasionally Ask you to flex your muscles for him so he can take a picture of his face in between them and send it in the Shadow company WORK groupchat

NOBODY LIKES IT WHEN HE DOES THAT, PHILLIP PLEASE FUCKING STOP

DEFINITELY into recording porn. In fact, he decided it would be such a good idea to re-record a training video for shadows but make it into almost a fucking porno due to how erotic it was with the two of you as the 'Main Actors'

Shadows don't watch such a video. He just straight up lied to you about it because he wanted to do it.

Buys a LOT of expensive things for you, especially ones to embarrass you with like underwear with his face on it with hearts all around. God forbid anyone in the changing room asks about it.

How he reacts to you being submissive? He loves it! Loves to abuse it as well! The big scary scary you is horny, overstimulated and whining under his foot, just waiting for him? He likes having a picture of both of those "faces". The scary one in your id that everyone views you as and the one (for private use only) of your desperate tear stained face after he was done abusing your dick for HOURS.

Unfortunately though, the times he got to go really DOWN for the sex were often quite rare. He was a busy man. At most you can get a Handjob under a work desk from him then once done, he'll take you to the bathroom and force you to lick it off his hand. He is just weird like that.

Alejandro Vargas

Alejandro was in denial for the longest. Even to now, he still doesn't even know if you're dating or if it's just casual.

It's been years..

Made a lot of "is it gay if-" jokes that literally nobody laughed at. They're just simply not funny.

He was very sceptical of the way he and YOU felt for a LOOONNGG time. Even once he accepted you love him and that he loves you, he was always in denial, just patting your back as if you were buddies.

But it was NOT casual how much he got bothered by women and even other men staring at you at the gym or wherever you're training at. Be it his gym or a public one, he WILL have you wearing a long sleeved shirt. Only if he is alone with you then you can take it off. He can swallow his distain for the inability to see the way you're so scrumptiously build if it means NOBODY ELSE CAN TOO!!!

Once alone? He is like the token henchman boy in every teen movie that is constantly hyping up the main bully guy in a weirdly gay way. Like those two 'straight guys' in everyone's classes. There is NO separation

He is SO Into the big buff ones, extra points if you even have a lot of hair on your body and he is ready to go on sight. He isn't at all afraid NORMALLY when alone with you because frankly? Sometimes he acts pretty gay with his other homies..hell occasionally even Soap is a victim to having his biceps grabbed then being given unsolicited advice on his to gain more.

Let me tell you, you are an eye candy to him. A confusing eye candy but an eye candy nevertheless.

As for in bed? Like a dream come true! He truly (makes himself) believe that as long as he is the dominant one, then it's not gay! Of course not..

"Hermano, what do you mean the 'socks' rule is a joke? Are you calling me fuckin gay?"

He is smart, smarter than that..he is even mostly joking but makes it REALLY convincing that sometimes people genuinely think he is unaware of the fact that having sex with another male that is so absolutely huge, enough to have him get the next two days off, is obviously gay.

He was unfortunately very.. forgetful the first time having sex. Thinking he can definitely handle it 'raw' because that's what it's like usually for women and he never had a reason to learn about male weak spots unless it's to kill said male.

So, let me tell you.. with your absolutely massive size in all means, being a top and him relentlessly ordering you to "Show him what you've got!" And to "not go easy on him!" Mixed together lead to a 'perfect' mixture of " a trip to ER"

He was too ashamed to go to ER immediately but did get a private doctor he can maybe kill if necessary to check him out. There was no irreversible damage but he definitely learnt that lube is important and the male body does NOT act the same as a female one! What a shocker..

He is REAALLLYY into praising. He WILL praise you at any chance given, mixed in with a lot of physical touch. Again.. especially on the muscles and abs. Man probably had erotic dreams about that too

Don't ask him though he'd just lie or not tell you to not creep you out.

Funny enough, I think he likes helping you shave or just doing "stereotypically" masculine things with you. Working out, fishing, sometimes cooking (but in a masculine way, he'll swear it's a really masculine thing.), you name it!

Later on in the relationship, he really doesn't mind you being submissive at all, unlike the others, he is very neutral to it. Sees it as more of a quirk of yours than anything.

Does not like labeling himself as gay but would lie about being your husband sometimes just to see the shocked look on peoples faces.

Favourite positions? His most favourite one is against a dirty wall in a blind spot at an especially public place like an alley or around the corner of something late at night

OR in a big bath with flowers and candles, extra romantic. Those are the two options, take it or leave it. Romantic or like two filthy teens.

Tends to forget sometimes that you can't give him your all because you will literally shatter him, you NEED to remind him that he shouldn't push you until you've no choice but to fuck his brains out but Alejandro is just Alejandro. Can't help but love him.

He 100% has a picture of you in his wallet AND a tattoo of your name.

Was probably the first to say 'I love you' but in a 'bro way'

Keegan P. Russ

Another tough nut to write about. He is in NO way the Dom daddy that he is written as though that's for sure.

His first reaction to you walking through the god damn door was just side eyeing you for an uncomfortably long time. Probably you would have to be the one to talk to him first if you want to get ANYWHERE

Ignoring that whole..thing..with how you'd even meet, he will be quite happy. Not overjoyed like Krüger or confused like Gaz. He's more okay with it.

Keegan is more about who you are and what you can actually contribute than just physical strength. Being intimidating was right up his alley too so he bonded with you quite quickly.

No internal or external homophobia, bro was just chill like that tbh

As long as you prove yourself helpful and spend a LOT of time with him, he'll treat you like an equal in absolutely no time.

Sometimes he DOES overestimate you though and when he does, even if disappointed, apologises and treats you to a dinner out once he has made sure it's safe. And by out I mean out. On the fucking grass. He is NOT paying for no restaurant. AND you need to be wearing Ghillie suit just in case. Only to be safe. Maybe have a bomb or two to distract in case something happens. Wow those old sniper habits die hard, huh?

Is actually quite confused though by the switch when it comes to sex life. He expected you to be just as bold and cold as you are out and about in your everyday life/battlefield but instead he was met with basically puppy dog eyes at his feet

Can't complain, it was kinda hot, that's his initial thought process. Just as he should, he quickly adapted to the situation. Did a couple quick searches of 'how to be dominant in bed for losers with no life outside of brotherhood' and he was ready to go!

JUST to be greeted with another shocking surprise when YOU were the one to actually fuck him. Just like Horangi, he was a bit taken back by it. None of those wiki how's had said anything about how to take a cock like a champ :[

He did not take that cock like a champ.

He took it like a loser in fact.

He was very fond of more intimate or 'traditional' positions. Due to your height and strength difference.. it seemed to click in his mind exactly like this.

'oh since I'm the smaller one, I'm the one who gets fucked? Makes sense.'

He is very smart, yes, just not sexually. BUT he is no pushover. He WILL overstimulate you until you're begging him to stop fucking himself on you. You just habe to wait until he gets the hang of it and it's over.

Not too kinky, more moderate. Like the average John Doe, missionary or reverse cowgirl, anything as long as he has direct access to your whole body.

Can't even lie to himself but he is a big thighs appreciator. He likes thighs very much so. Sometimes he ALMOST turns into a whiny bitch dog when he wants to try fucking your thighs. As long as you let him, he'll have a field day with those huge thangs 🤤 shi bru me too. Someone of that size will naturally have thicker thighs. And Keegan wants them to crush his skull.

He often jokes that even the rest of the ghosts would appreciate and see that as an honourable death, to go on and finish the Ghosts 'death ritual'.

He says that he'd do an extra good job protecting his homeland in afterlife if his reason for death was your thighs or your dick.

He is a pretty big loser the rest of the time when not in bed unfortunately :[

He is NOT talking about none the entire day then gets really talkative when it's time to fuck.

Still charming, you can't POSSIBLY say no to those eyes, can you, big boy?

(for the confused ones, THIS is a Ghillie suit)

Guys did I do good I hope I didn't bore you to death but I swear I:m just a big yapper who loves to yap :[

[lostintransist]

Liaison | Part 5 | Big Austrian Bastard

Check out part 1 here. Check out the rest of the story on AO3, up to chapter 33 over there.

After you won the bet with Ghost you became something of a tourist attraction. Every man who moved through the office would stop by your desk. Often you were on a phone but many would wait for a chance to ask how you won the bet with Ghost or if you had any dating advice. When Roach finally appeared back in the office after a month you asked him about it.

“Why does it feel like my desk is the hottest place to be in the office? Don’t these guys have paperwork to be doing?”

Roach replies, the clack of his keys not even faded before the message hits your screen.

>No one deals with Ghost like you do. Word has gotten around that you two fight and he loses more often than he wins.

“I can’t say that I think he has won once.”

>Exactly, plus everyone wants to witness another showdown. Anyone who wasn’t at the bar when you took that hot redhead home has heard the story about a dozen times from someone who has. Plus all the bets on what crazy nonsense you two will fight about next. And I know at least some of the guys want to know how you got such a bombshell to go home with you.

It takes three reads over the message before you are semi-confident that you understood everything.

“How much money is in these betting pools?” You rub a single finger against the headache forming behind your forehead.

>Would say a several thousand at this point.

“And what exactly was the defining moment that everyone decided to start taking bets?” You have a sneaking suspicion you know what it was.

>The lap dancer.

“Yeah,” you suck your teeth, “I thought that might have been it. Now for the record Roach and you tell this to anyone who will listen; I didn’t know he had already booked her. It’s not my fault she chose my pretty face over his ugly mask. And if he could string two sentences together to a woman that didn’t leave her wanting to slap him he wouldn’t have to pay for company in or out of his bed.”

>Behind you.

“Thanks, Roach,” you deadpan, “What a great job saving the day.”

Spinning around you see Ghost standing at the edge of your desk.

“You know I think you would pay for male company as well, I’m not really one to judge.”

Without a word, he drops several files on your desk and turns on his heel leaving you and Roach with more questions than before. Not picking a fight over your words felt outside of Ghost’s character. You tuck the information away for later. No one had died recently and there were no issues with any other companies or governments. No obvious reasons surfaced as to his dour mood.

Your phone buzzes with a text message from an unknown number.

>Can you make gingersnaps?

<Yes. Fresh ginger okay?

>👍

<Should have a dozen ready by 3.

Shoving your phone in your pocket you unplug your computer. You’ve figured out how to read emails while creaming butter by hand. Emails consumed you as grated ginger and sifted flour into your wet ingredients. Once the dough had started chilling you got a call. It took twenty minutes to look up the temperature conversion to turn on the oven since the other party had some extremely specific requests and questions that had you searching skills and cross-referencing times when certain guys would be free.

“Okay, for the final time, the timeline you need this job completed on will not allow for me to get Price and Reb on the same job. I have a different sniper who can complete the task or I can have a different lead but they are not available at the same time,” You wave at Harold as he leads a beast of a man down the hall. “At this point, you can trust me to schedule a team who can handle the task or I can send you the contact info for my counterpart at KorTac.”

You rattled off the number for KorTac as the cookies came out of the oven. Disconnecting the call you stretched your arms high and set about moving the cookies to the rack to cool down. In the five minutes they take to cool you reply to seven emails. God, you needed to talk to Kate about an assistant. The number of emails was becoming untenable. Storing the cookies in a dish you hide in your cabinet you take a quick picture of the completed request.

Cleaning up from baking had become its own soothing ritual. Once you have everything set out to dry you head back down the hall. You forget to send the text message since an email reply comes into a proposal you had just sent off.

“If those motherfuckers want to change up the date again…“ you mumble to yourself.

You kick something as you approach your desk. The beast of a man Harold had walked back to the desks is reclined in your chair and snoring. You can’t tell past the sniper’s hood draped across his head if he is asleep. Looking around you find the bay of computers empty. With a sigh, you set your computer awkwardly on the desk and remember your message about the cookies.

Sending the message a phone ding sounds before you. The man rouses, pulls a phone from his pocket, checks the message, and startles when he sees you standing at his feet.

“You the one who wanted the gingersnaps?” You ask carefully. One man in a mask you know could almost be considered a friend, the other firmly a foe.

“Ja.” He stands, towering over your frame.

Blowing a breath out your nose you make a decision. Better to have fewer foes if possible.

“Follow me, I’ll show you where I put your cookies.”

The only sound following you is the rare swish of fabric. Stepping into the kitchen you open the cabinet that held your cookies. Pulling them down you place them in his waiting hands. More men covering up like the devil would worm his way in through any flash of flesh. This man wore gloves too.

“Ah! Liaison you found the big Austrian bastard! We’ve been all over the office looking for him.”

If you hadn’t been standing so close to him you would have missed the flinch in the big man. Something about someone so strong-looking taking pain from words wormed into your heart.

“Tactic I swear to god if you don’t think before you speak.” You snap at him. “Obviously this man is on loan to the 141 and you know what we don’t do to people who are here to help us? We don’t insult them. It makes my job to fucking hard when you can’t keep your jackass statements inside.”

Tactic’s mouth shut with a click.

“Anything else clever to say?” you push.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to my friend here.”

“Sorry König.”

Spence, who had been standing behind Tactic, fled the moment your tone turned angry.

“Now unless you have a hard leave time I am going to sit down and enjoy some cookies with Konig and will deliver him to a conference room when we are done. Got a problem with that?” You aggressively lifted a brow at Tactic.

He backed out of the kitchen slowly.

“Whatever you say Liaison, sorry again König.”

With a huff, you turned back around and smiled up at the big man.

“Do you want to sit down and enjoy your cookies? I appreciate any feedback you can give.”

He looked you over, neither his expression nor his body language giving away his thoughts. König sits at one table, pushing out another chair with the toe of his boot. Settling in you wait to see what he does next. You fold your arms and rest them on the table.

“We friends?”

You find him watching you with guarded eyes.

“Do you want to be friends?”

“Ja. Name is König, not Konig.”

You repeat his name a few times to solidify the pronunciation in your brain.

“Okay, well you’re my first friend here so I will now text you random updates on my life. Feel free to do the same.”

Sitting in silence you tap out random beats on your fingers as König lifts his cowl to eat his treat.

“Da cookies are good.”

You send him a bright smile. “I’m glad you like them. Whenever you are ready I can deliver you to the conference room.”

He nods once before closing the container of cookies. He stands and slides the whole box into a side pocket on his pants. There isn’t even a bulge against the fabric. You can’t prevent a sneer at the now offensive pants.

The tension rises in König, you can feel it wafting off him in waves.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the patriarchy that doesn’t give me pockets I can hide cookies in without getting caught,” you fold your arms and puff air into your cheeks.

The booming laughter from König brings a smile to your face. It sounded rusty as if he didn’t get a chance to use it often.

Part 4

Masterlist @nicroyal02

[natelia-aldelliz]

"Yeah, they're definitely fucking. Or they want to at the very least. "

Soap sends him an incredulous look.

"Come on," Roach continues, "it's so obvious. Look at Alejandro's eyes when Rodolfo speaks, he's head over heels for the man."

"You really think so? I mean I've noticed Rudy looking at Ale like he's his soul, but ye think it's reciprocated?"

"Well, ok, I don't know if they know it, but it's definitely mutual. You have to trust me, I'm a genius in relationships."

Soap laughs at him, walking down the street, Roach walking beside him, though he doesn't touch the ground.

"You're definitely not that smart, you're trying to convince me your fiancé finds me hot."

Roach huffs. "I know he does!"

"I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm an annoying little fucker."

"Well, yeah, but an attractive annoying little fucker!"

Soap laughs. The villa is almost in view and he slows down, looking apprehensive.

"What, your brain finally caught up with your mouth? You finally realised you offered your head on a platter?" Roach teases, which makes Soap swat at him instinctively. Of course, it goes right through him.

"Shut up," Soap mumbles. "It's just..."

He sees him reach in his pocket and pick at the Shadow Company's insignia anxiously.

"It's probably nothing." He shoves the insignia back in his pocket, starts walking again.

"It's obviously something," Roach protests. "Tell me, it's not like I can tell anyone else!"

"There's something... wrong, with Graves," Soap finally says. "I feel... I don't know, heavy, like weighted down around him. Like I said, it's probably nothing. Probably psychological, cause I only see him when there's something wrong."

Roach hums, gaining some height to quickly check on where he knows Simon and Graves are hunkered down, waiting for Soap to enter their LT's scope. He can't really see them, which he supposes is kinda the point.

"Maybe it is psychological," he says as he floats back down. "But you're also the guy who sees ghosts, so maybe it's actually a thing."

Soap sighs. They turn a corner and he knows Simon now has visuals, but it also means the guards do too. He watches as Soap lifts his hands above his head.

"It's the same feeling as right now," he quickly whispers as the guards approach with their weapons trained on him.

"Let's make a deal, you come out of here alive and we look more into it."

Soap snorts. "Deal."

[trashybread]

I'm posting this in a sleep delirium but do you kno what the cod fandom desperately NEEDS? Cliche 2015 wattpad AU fanfiction plots. You don't know how much you need it until you start thinking about it.

I need a psychiatrist Soap going into his new job at a mental asylum and meeting Ghost and other patients like gaz, price, everyone. Need makarov to be the boss. Ghost being the crazy but helping soap gain everyones trust. Need soap to start questioning if theyre actually mad because strange things keep happening and they're always right (I've been thinking about this one for days) doesn't even need to be a mental asylum, just a mental hospital. Gaz with a PICA, Ghost with psychosis or schizophrenia, price with severe OCD, roach maybe w/ cptsd so he's muted bc of it? maybe he acc got forever 14yo mentality not the infantilizing way but forever the apocalyptic phase and v sweet THEREFORE no one worries abt Talking secret matters w/ him around cuz he's basically a kid, he wont tell anything ever ... Right.

Or one where gaz finds a number in the gay bar bathroom stall (there's number and "amazing head and advices") but its a dead number so he starts venting like once a month to the voicemail and one day someone does returns. Make it spicier and its actually his neighbor. Make it even SPICIER and his neighbor KNOWS IT but it just doesn't click to gaz so now he's stuck between the phone guy "Johnathan" and his divorced neighbour Mr. Price. It all ends when he gets in big money trouble and calls Johnathan in a last hope alternative to save him and price shows up out of nowhere to get him hmmmffhfmmf

COFFEE. SHOP. ALTERNATIVE. UNIVERSE. WANNA MAKE THIS EVEN COOLER??????? SUPERNATURAL COFFEE SHOP. YEAH. Roach works in this coffee shop that actually has supernatural beings visiting but to normal human eyes it's fucking empty. The coffee shop is completely hidden unless you search for it really fucking hard and Ghost, weirdo that he is, is livid to find this empty coffee shop away from traffic and human noises. He always wonder how they can keep the business going with one client (him)

UNIVERSITY AU!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!??? JOCK X NERD. ROOMMATES!!!! THEY HATE EACHOTHER BUT HAVE TO DO A GROUP PROJECT TOGETHER AND END UP GOOFING AROUND IN THE OTHERS HOUSE AND BECOME BFFS. MAKE IT ANGST BC JOCK (Sorry! Soap vibes..) DOESN'T WANT TO BE THE NERDS FRIEND AND THROWS HIM UNDER THE BUS. DON'T WANT ANGST???? MAKE IT SO JOCK STARTS ACTING LIKE A GUARD DOG AFTER THAT. MAYBE IT RUINS HIS REPUTATION BUT HE HAS HIS NOW BOYFRIEND.

COD fandom needs to tighten up! No more souless 4k pwp oneshots. Let's remember our roots.

[wistfulcynic]

matelotage me

for @gbweddingweek a short fic i originally wrote for a zine that never got off the ground. It was written before S2 and actually i think holds up pretty well to what happened in that season.

vaguely, it responds to the prompt "proposals"

a brisk 1.5k rated G | AO3

Stede and the crew in the dinghy rowing away from where they were marooned, towards the Republic of Pirates. Stede muses on how badly he's hurt Ed, Black Pete offers an idea.

-

At first, there was only silence. 

The silence of the sea, that is, not truly silence at all. Waves lapped against the side of the dinghy; oars splashed as they hit the water then sliced through it with a gentle swishing sound. The wind whistled, seagulls cawed, Stede grunted as he rowed, but within the dinghy the noiselessness was oppressive. It sat heavily on the sunburnt shoulders of Black Pete, Wee John, Oluwande, Roach, Buttons, and the Swede, as well as Stede’s own aching ones. 

None of them could say what might be the outcome of this plan of theirs, to head for the Republic of Pirates instead of back to the Revenge after Ed had—and Stede still couldn’t fully process the implications of this—left them marooned them on that spit of sand, presumably to die. None of them wanted to talk about it either, except, predictably, Pete, who broke the silence about an hour into their journey.

“I still think we should just go back to the ship, rescue our guys, and get the fuck out,” he declared, then raised his hands defensively in response to the chorus of groans. “What? We can’t trust Blackbeard anymore, he left us out there—” 

“We talked about this, Pete,” said Oluwande wearily. “This dinghy barely holds us, it’s not gonna manage with Jim and Frenchie and Lucius too.” 

“Well then maybe we steal another dinghy.” 

“That’s too complicated.”

“But Blackbeard—” 

“He must really be hurting.” 

Stede’s quiet statement ended the argument. As one, the crew turned to where he sat at the centre of their huddle, rowing steadily and with surprising endurance. Stede hadn’t said much since he’d found them, just listened to their tale with an open mind but an increasingly heavy heart. 

“He’s pushing away people who care about him,” Stede continued. “Isolating himself. He must be in a really bad way or he wouldn’t—he couldn’t—”

Wouldn’t what? Betray Stede? As he, Ed, must have felt betrayed? Couldn’t abandon the crew as he must believe Stede had abandoned him? 

“He just wouldn’t,” Stede finished, lamely. “Not without a reason.” 

“Except… he totally did,” said Pete, oblivious to or choosing to ignore Olu’s attempts to shush him. “Out of nowhere, too, like one day he’s fine and the next—we’re marooned. What ‘reason’ could he have had for that?”

Oluwande glanced at Stede, just briefly but it was enough. Olu knew. Stede sighed. “It was because of me,” he said. “I hurt him.” His face crumpled as he remembered Ed’s joy at their planned escape to China. How must he have felt that night when Stede didn’t show up? How long had he waited? “I broke a promise to him. I didn’t think he would—at the time I thought he couldn’t actually want to… not with me… after the way I ruined things. I thought his life would be better if I weren’t in it. I thought he wouldn’t miss me.”  

“He did though,” said Olu quietly. “He missed you a lot.” 

“I broke his heart,” Stede whispered, “didn’t I?” 

“Yeah.” Olu’s voice held a wealth of sympathy. “I think you did.” 

“Broke his heart?” Pete’s expression progressed from confusion to disbelief to dawning comprehension, all within the space of an uncomfortable twenty seconds. “Wait… you mean… you and Blackbeard?” 

“Come on, man,” said Olu as the rest of the crew groaned. 

“Where’ve you been?” demanded Wee John. 

“It wasn’t exactly subtle,” Roach observed. 

“Well maybe I just had other things to think about,” grumbled Pete. “Some of us have personal lives, you know.” 

“All of us have personal lives, Pete!” snapped Oluwande. “We can still pay attention to what’s going on around us!” 

“All right, okay! Fine!” Pete held up his hands again. “Let’s just drop the entire subject.” He turned to Stede. “Listen, Captain, if it really is like that with you and Blackbeard then you shouldn’t have any trouble getting him to give us our guys back. You just have to, you know. Woo him a bit.” 

“Woo him,” repeated Stede. 

“Yeah,” said Pete. “Woo. Bring him a present or something. Tell him his hair looks nice.”

“Tell him ye appreciate his beard,” piped up Buttons. “Advise him tae grow it back.” 

“Compliment him on his fashion sense,” said the Swede. 

“Or his sword skills!” chimed in Roach. 

“All excellent suggestions, but if I’ve hurt Ed as badly as I think I have I doubt they’ll be enough,” said Stede. “I need some way to show him that I’m serious about wanting to mend things between us. That I’m not afraid of the future he wanted for us and that I want it too.” He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. “I need to show him that I love him as Ed, with or without the beard or the leather or any of the rest of it. Just as Ed.” 

“Well, if you feel that way about him, why don’t you offer him matelotage?” inquired Pete, in a tone that suggested this was the most obvious solution in the world. 

“Ooh, there’s a thought,” said Olu. 

“Matelotage means business,” Wee John agreed. 

“Matelotage?” Stede frowned. It seemed to him he’d heard that word before or possibly read it, but he couldn’t recall what it meant. “What’s that?” 

“Well,” said Pete, puffed up and very pleased to be the one to deliver this explanation. “Matelotage is when two pirates decide that they want to pledge their lives to each other. They have a ceremony, usually performed by the captain but I guess Buttons could do it for you—” 

“Aye, so I could and it’d be my pleasure, Cap’n!” 

“—where they promise to share their incomes and property, protect each other in battle, and be each other’s companion and support for the rest of their lives.”

Stede stopped rowing and laid down the oars. “So… it’s like marriage,” he ventured.  

“Er—yeah.” Pete nodded. “I never really thought about it that way but I guess it is.” 

“Ed and I could get married.” Stede turned this idea over in his mind and found that it enthralled him. If he and Ed were married then they could kiss each other again. They could kiss any time they wished! And more than just kissing! They could live together, adventure together, share everything with each other. They could share a bed. A bed where they could—well. They could do all the things that Stede’s eager imagination had been tormenting him with in fantasies both waking and asleep, from the moment he realised that what he felt for Ed was love. Stede felt his cheeks flush and immediately turned his thoughts elsewhere. A small dinghy in the middle of the ocean and surrounded by his crew was certainly neither the time nor the place. 

He and Ed could wake up together every morning, yes, that was the thing to think about. Thoughts of a bare-chested Ed with soft and sleepy eyes, morning sunlight in his hair, were quite stimulating enough actually, given the circumstances. 

Sleep together, wake together, live together. It sounded like heaven. Everything that had ever troubled him in his marriage to Mary—all that made him so uncomfortable in a married state—when he thought about those same things with Ed, they took on an entirely new and monumentally more appealing aspect. 

“We could get married,” he said again. 

He pictured Ed in a veil like the one Mary had worn, and—was that a thing in matelotage? It might not be a thing. Stede really had no context or sense of etiquette for any of this. But the idea of Ed in flowing lace sparked a coiling sensation in his lower belly, made his insides go all tight and twisty and his skin feel hot. 

That was probably just too much time in the sun. 

He could see it though, so clearly in his mind’s eye. Ed with his hair up as it had been on the night of their excursion to the French ship, all woven through with jewels and flowers, framed by a spill of white lace… faint strains of music in the air as Ed crossed the deck of the Revenge to where Stede stood waiting for him, framed by a glorious sunset… an elegant floral arrangement in Ed’s hands… eager warmth in his eyes… the two of them, hands entwined, pledging their eternal troth together… the vows… the kiss… and then—

The rest of his life to spend with the man he loved. 

Stede’s throat drew tight as tears gathered in his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered, roughly, softly, but in the oddly liminal space of the dinghy they all could hear. “Yes. I’ll ask him to matelotage me.” 

“I don’t think that’s how you say it—” 

“Shhh!” Olu dug his elbow into Pete’s side. “Would you shut up for once and just let him have this.” 

Stede took up the oars again and resumed rowing with renewed vigour, now with a dazed and blissful smile on his face and his eyes bright with dreams. Oluwande watched him for a moment with a troubled frown, then repeated, “Let him have this. Let him do it his way. I have a feeling that if we want to survive this and get our friends back we’re going to need for him to be exactly himself.” 

“Aye,” agreed the crew, even Pete, then silence fell again. 

[whorangi1104]

Ghoap AU: Frozen Hearts and Electric Souls

Chapter 6: Gifts-Fuck around

Over the course of the two weeks Johnny had known Graves, they’d gotten along, although they weren’t particularly friendly. In the first week, Graves would be seen wandering around the base with a couple of his shadows, either talking to Price or inspecting their gear. Price himself spent more time in his office than out, which wasn’t unusual, but the time he spent on his paperwork was longer than usual, which got Soap worrying. He hadn’t originally been stressed by the mission, considering they would have multiple allies alongside them, but price’s frequent planning and stacks of intel and constant discussions with lasswell was starting to get to him. Soap decided to dive deeper into the info email he got and-Bloody Hell.

What the fuck are these abilities? Known abilities: Cloaking, power absorption, manipulation, matter distortion, illusion cloning. It all sounded like some demon from the depths of hell shite, except for the fact that Soap was staring at the information on his laptop screen in his room while waiting to deploy and track down these creatures in just two days. Maybe they had wanted an extra man on the team just for this. 

>>time skip<<

“Soap, the fuck you mean you want to try gift fusion?”

“Captain, it’s the coming mission, I don’t think it’s quite enough for simple attacks.”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to meld two powers in one attack? There hasn’t been a success for the last decade.”

“But if it comes to that, shouldn’t we have a method prepped?”

“We do. But it’s a last resort, and don’t you dare try anything on your own, got it?”

“Yessir.”

Soap left Price’s office and couldn’t stop his brain from wandering over to gift fusion, which, in his defense, would work great if he and Price could create electrified water blasts, but there was always the chance of a backsplash… literally. Technically, the team didn’t have any fusion tactics, since Price was ‘transporting resources’ for Ghost to use his ability on, and Soap had just ‘taken advantage’ of the frozen floor, and it was technically considered team tactics, but the line was always blurred and to Soap, it was just as confusing as fucking english grammer. Then again, he really didn’t care about grammar, so fuck that. Would Gaz launching ice spikes from Ghost with pressurized air count as a fusion or just special use? Actually, who the fuck cares? Maybe he should just suggest the idea. And- who was that guy that was an animal gifted? Roach? Now that's just opportunities for the wildest ideas. No, Johnny, stop. We are not gonna think about flying supercharged electric eels. Actually wait-

—

“So in conclusion, you want Gaz and I to try… ice projectiles with…*deep inhale* quote on quote, ‘fire ants riding icicles’ with Roach?”

“Ye know, when ya say it like that, it sounds like I’m a lunatic.”

“And launching ice torpedoes with various explosives inside.”

“Impale and explode.”

“Sergeant… what the fuck? Where do you even get these ideas?”

“I mean, they could work, right?”

“...well yes, but first of all, animals don’t just automatically obey Roach, it’s complicated, and I’m pretty sure you haven’t asked Price about any of this?”

“Yeah, but-”

“We can’t do any risky shit without approval, and I trust my captain more than I trust you, Soap.”

“Away n’bile yer heid!”

“Speak English, Mactavish.”

“Sorry sir, let me translate. Go fuck yourself.”

“That’s better.”

“A’m gonna see if the others are in… can’t go te Price by myself…”

“Good luck”

“Won’t need it.”

Ghost rolled his eyes as his office door clicked shut behind the sergeant, and continued on autopilot filling out reports. The idea amused him, at least and he was sure Gaz would want to try it out, at least. Roach? Maybe. And maybe Price will be convinced to let them try. It sounded valid after all, he’d just have to wait and see.

literally my shortest chat with 660 words. I wrote 500 of it tonight. I have nothing to blame but my own procrastination.

[dakotafinely]

Oh my beloved friend, I am utterly starved! Oh! How could I possibly go on without your Paw Patrol lore I hunger for day in and day out? If only I could be sated with an amazing post about your Rocky lore that I long to share with the rest of the world? :(

TW: NEGLECT MENTIONS, HOARDER MENTIONS, DISGUSTING HOUSE SHIT, SHITTY PARENTS IN GENERAL

!!DISCLAIMER: I ACTUALLY KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT PAW PATROL PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME IF I GET SOME RANDOM ASS FACTS WRONG I KNOW NOTHING THANK YOU!!

TL;DR: Ah yes, Rockys family backstory is neglectful horder parents, hence why he's so passionate about dealing with trash.

Imagine him describing his old home life to the others all happy like only for them to look at him in horror, Rocky cleans up a dead roach for Chase and is like "lol you learn to stop being afraid of these guys once they've flown unto your head in your sleep enough times" and keeps it pushing while Chase is just like "I BEG YOUR FINEST PARDON???"

Marshall talks about the issues he has with hair on his ears and Rocky relates by telling him a story about how a bedbug crawled into his ear n he panicked, killed it while it was still in his ear, and then had to clean the blood out, and Marshall is just like "Wtf are you good???" And Rocky is just like "Yeah! :D! I didn't get an ear infection or nothin!" And keeps going like nothing happened

Skye freaks out over a silver fish in the sink one day and Rocky cleans her sink for her n talks about how big these guys get when they're left untouched and is like "it's crazy man I remember when we couldn't even touch the sink back home without unleashing a horde of them bc we disturbed they're dirty dish home" n Skye is already holding back several gags bc she doesn't want to offend Rocky

Rocky not being able to handle things being dirty, possibly an OCD kinda way? But also not in a way bc there isn't a ritual it just has to be clean, I also imagine a level of feeling dirty that can drive him crazy to so he often wears gloves(perfect for his line of work) and long sleeves, like touching people will make them dirty and not him

He only lets people he trusts actually touch him skin to skin but even then somedays he just can't, it gets even worse when he doesn't take proper hygiene shit(took him forever to learn bc again, neglectful horder parents) and it can cause him panic attacks if someone does touch him skin to skin when that feeling is excessive

Rubble was the first one to "get the privilege" of touching Rocky skin to skin, why? Bc I say so

Chase being the last one to be allowed to touch Rocky skin to skin bc Rocky high key puts him on a pedestal (different ramble DIFFERENT RAMBLE-)

Rocky's parents forcing him to touch them skin to skin and they don't do anything for healthy hygiene

Rocky's parents being hoarders and possessive of things, including him, always wanting him back home always forcing themselves into his space grabbing at exposed skin while Rocky freezes and lets it happen bc that's been his whole life, thick layers of dirt under their nails and super thin greasy hair that sticks to theirs n Rocky's skin, when he can't clean at their home bc they either mock him or get aggressive, they have enough rooms to accommodate a max probably five people but all the rooms except for the one they sleep in are filled to the brim with shit from over the years, Rocky grew up sleeping in the living room... He's also adopted btw, these people are not biologically related to him but they did raise him since infancy (Before Ryder obvi)

It's clear how uncomfortable he is about it all but if he or anyone else tries to defend him they become even more possessive and territorial over him, it's like some kind of reverse psychology or some shit, they also reek of animal piss, they continuously try and get Rocky to come over with friends to their house only bc they know he's embarrassed(and even ashamed) of their household and they get a kick out of watching him panic about it

Next >

[captain-mj]

I know you said you were working on it but I'll send another ask bc of your box clearing out but more zombie Roach (I offered you baby teeth lol) and I really would love to be all detective-y but I just got home from work and am kinda fried lol

Can I be a victim in a detective case tho that sounds fun

Absolutely! I have found the murder weapon (my motivation to write it) that killed you and will now finally put this case to rest (update this after over a month I am so sorry thank you for your patience)

Roach had cleaned up in the back of the restaurant and left, making sure to flip the sign for closed before leaving. He felt guilty for killing two civilians, especially one that had been so kind to him. The taste of them lingered in his teeth and he tried not to think about it.

Ghost had woken up at some point. He searched the entire base and when he saw Roach sneaking back on base, he ran to him, hugging him to chest until he felt Roach's bone start to creak.

Roach lightly tapped his shoulders and Ghost let go. "Don't disappear. At least for a little while." Ghost patted over him, checking for some injury that didn't exist. He fixed Roach's mask and then squeezed his face.

Roach saw it. This desperate, empty space behind his eyes. He had always been... aware that Ghost had issues. From his father, from Roba. Ghost had gotten drunk one night and spilled more to the man than he had probably told anyone in his life.

How awful he must've felt, thinking he lost someone. Roach gently squeezed his biceps before starting to signing to him. "You're okay, Ghost."

Ghost laughed. It wasn't a sound Roach heard often. "Am I okay? I'm not the one who died."

"Not recently." Roach joked, watching Ghost's eyes soften. The desolate place disappeared from him.

"Fair. Though I was just buried."

"How tragic. Glad I wasn't buried."

"May think you were a zombie if that happened." Ghost laughed.

Roach frowned under his mask. Zombie? Fuck. He might be actually. Determined not to let Ghost know about what happened, he quickly nodded. "Luckily not."

"Yeah. Luckily not."

~~~~

Price cornered Soap eventually. “His body is missing.” 

Soap didn’t even look at him. “Who?”

Price grabbed Soap and yanked him up. “MacTavish. You know who’s fucking body. Roach. Fucking Sanderson. Where is it?”

“How would I know?”

“Did Ghost take it?” 

A beat of silence and Soap sighed. “No. He didn’t take it. He’s been with me mostly. And I’ve been in his room. No bodies.” 

Price stared at him for a moment. “Look, if either of you are… dealing with feelings about this.”

“I don’t need a grief counselor, Price. Trust me.” 

“And you’re sure Ghost didn’t take the body?”

Soap turned to him fully. “What would he, or I for that matter, want with a dead body?”

Price stared at him and Soap got it.

“Jesus Christ. No.” 

“You understand Sanderson would not be okay with that, right?”

“I’m not a fucking corpse fucker.”

“I’m not accusing either of you of anything. Just… there’s a missing body. You guys were together.” 

Soap shook his head. “Wait. Wait a minute. Together? We weren’t together. None of us are together.” 

Price stared at him. “You guys weren’t? I was doing the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” thing.” 

Soap frowned. “I mean… I don’t care about that.” 

“Not because you’re bisexual, you fucking idiot. You’re a captain, Ghost is a lieutenant and Roach is… was a sergeant. The power dynamics are a big problem. I knew none of you guys would ever take advantage of each other, but it wouldn’t be a good look for any of us involved. I just assumed that’s why you all weren’t open.” Price started to drink his coffee. “Did you want to be?”

Soap paused, having to think. Yeah. He did. But he knew if he said that, Price would take it as a sad trope. Poor Soap. Didn’t get to tell him he loved him until it was too late. He wasn’t sure he could handle it knowing that Roach was alive and well in Ghost’s room. 

“No. I never really considered Roach more than a friend.”

“And Ghost?”

Soap blushed. “You know how he is. I would never want to push him. If he came to me, I would in a heartbeat.” He decided not to tell Price about that kiss. Part of him wanted to. Wanted to gush like a teen. But they were adults in the military and while Price may occasionally act as a father figure for him, Soap wasn’t quite willing to debase himself that much. 

“I got ya, son. Promise me you’ll tell me about any change with him. This isn’t an order, its a friend asking a friend. You know I worry about him too.” 

“I know, I know.” Soap patted his arms. “I’m keeping an eye on him, preventing him to do anything to himself or others.” 

Price nodded and left. 

Soap went straight to their room. “Price is suspicious. Roach, you need to be careful.”

Roach nodded and gave a thumbs up, laying on the bed. He was eating slim jims. 

Ghost was on the floor, staring somewhere else.

Soap gently tapped him and he looked up. With his sunglasses off, he could see his eyes. Soft brown. Giant doe eyes. Reminded him of the cows on his ma’s farm. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Can you watch Roach a while?” 

“Course. Where ya heading?”

“Just… out.” 

Soap dropped it, knowing Ghost was a mystery even more confusing than Roach’s revival. They were camping in his room as well, he probably wanted some privacy finally. 

Ghost did care a lot about his privacy. He was getting away from them to get a second alone, but that wasn’t the only reason he had stepped out. 

The bar it happened. That man had to know something. He’d ask around, see if anyone saw him. Surely someone must’ve. He was gorgeous, rather tall and he hadn’t really been discreet about himself. 

Ghost entered the bar, noticing the air smelled sweet again, like the cologne. He stepped further in and glanced around, a sickness rolling in his stomach. Something felt wrong. 

When he found them in the backroom, he knew he was right. The bartender he recognized, but no one else, even if he had a sneaking suspicion that all of them were present that night. It had been two days now. Rot set into their bodies. The perfume of it. 

Ghost stepped back. That man had smelled like death and rot and Ghost had been too drunk to piece it together. His coffin in Mexico had reeked of it from Vernon’s body. It tickled at his sinuses until he finally just a took a deep breath and relaxed. 

This wasn’t the other night where he had been too drunk to even think. Too drunk to calm himself. 

Whatever he faced had given him Roach back. If there was a cost, well. Ghost would pay it. Strip himself down to the bone for him. For it. 

He turned away and poured himself a bourbon. Next to him, he put a shot of tequila. The night it happened, it had been a virgin pina coloda, but he didn’t know how to make one of those and he had a feeling if this thing wanted to talk to him, he would. 

And there he was. Dark eyes staring at him from across the bar. He didn’t bother to hide himself as much. Dark circles were the only real indicator there was something wrong. That and the fucking smell. 

“Enjoy your gift?”

“So that was you.” 

“Course it was.” He smiled. His fangs jutted out. 

Ghost downed the shot. “What do I call you?”

He thought for a minute before smiling. “Grim.”

“Grim?”

“Like Grim Reaper. Yes.” Grim replied, touching the tequila but not drinking. 

“Why?”

Grim laughed. “Why not? You are my most dutiful servant. You’re only competition the Scottish man you follow. Why not reward you?” 

Ghost didn’t trust him. It felt too easy. “Servant?”

“Killer. You bring me so many souls. It’s perfect.” “Why him? Why not other people I lost?”

“Easy. You wanted vengeance for them. If you got them back, you would’ve stopped. But with Roach… the men responsible were already being punished. Didn’t need you. You were going to stop killing. So I gave him back to you. Dripping in blood. Reborn.” Grim purred. “When you die, he’ll die too. But your death won’t be for a while. I’ll make sure of it.” 

Ghost stared at him. “When I retire?”

“You’re so entertaining. We both know you’ll never retire. You’ll keep going until you die in the field. Born in violence, die in violence. That’s what you’ll do.” 

Ghost looked down into the liquid. “You say it like its fated.”

“No. Not fated. There is no fate. Nothing is written in stone. Things do not come to be because they’re meant to be. It’s why I need you alive. But I know you. I know you intimately. And you’ll keep going until you can’t.” 

Ghost grabbed the bottle and continued to drink. “Thank you for giving him back. Will I be seeing you again?” 

“Probably. I hope not. For your sake.” Grim grinned. Too many teeth. Stunningly beautiful. 

Ghost paused. Is this what Death was like to everyone?

“Nope. Just you Simon.” 

Ghost shivered and continued to leave.

~~~~

Roach told Price. Ghost saw Soap’s sleeping form and knew immediately what happened. Could feel it in his fucking bones. 

He dragged Soap up and he started profusely apologizing. Soap almost started to freak out before taking a deep breath to calm himself. 

They ventured into the hallways and started to look. Ghost went to all of his favorite spots: rafters, roof, the top part of the closet where he cleaned the space out for himself. Nothing. He knew where he was, deep down. Knew he went to Price. But facing him was… Ghost didn’t want to.

Soap tugged them there, frustration clear on his face. 

Sur enough, Roach was there in front of the desk.

"We're going to have to do tests. Psych evaluation. You must've been in a coma or something. Yeah. Somehow the embalming didn't kill you either." Price muttered the last part to himself. His normally put together attitude was fraying at the edges.

Roach stared over his head, somewhere else right now.

He looked fine. Color back in his face. Not much though, the man  was still British. He only had a slightly darker complexion than Ghost.

Roach looked at Ghost and smiled, the scars tugging slightly at his skin. The burn scars were more prominent now that he was no longer so pale. Ghost wanted to trace them.

"I've already scheduled them." Soap wasn't Soap right now. He was Captain MacTavish. Large and in Charge. Ghost and Roach thought he was hot when he acted like this, both having talked about it before. His back straight and shoulders set. "I'm also keeping him out of mission work until further notice."

Roach looked up and made a displeased noise.

"You knew?”

“Was just… trying to figure out how to tell you, sir.”

“When?”

“36 hours.” Ghost paused, doing the math. That didn’t sound right, but he hadn’t slept much. Maybe it was. 

Price just stared at him before staring at Roach. “Bloody fucking hell.” 

Roach quickly signed. “Didn’t go to hell actually. Didn’t go anywhere. It was a quick blink and I was in the morgue.” He grinned and made a frankly perfectly timed joke. “I’m undead.” 

[fixfoxnox]

When I keep coming up with AU ideas jsjsjshd sorry guys lmao (wrote this up rq cause the next Ultranationalist Roach drabble is longer than expected)

Honeysuckle (Ghost/Roach)

(ABO au as well btw)

"You're sure about this?"

Ghost ignored the concerned voice in his ear for several moments, instead focusing on navigating himself through the streets of Al Mazrah. He was headed to one specific building, one he knew well. He had no weapons on him, a dangerous choice, but one that he made deliberately. "I know what I'm doing, Johnny."

"Yeah, because you've somehow befriended some big name in Al Mazrah," Soap scoffed over the line, "You're going to get yourself killed LT."

Ghost wasn't offended by the words or Soap's doubt in him. He'd kept this particular part of his deployments to himself. No one but him needed to know where he occasionally disappeared off to. At least, no one needed to know until suddenly they did.

They needed help. It was as simple as that. And Ghost happened to be intimately familiar with a man he knew would be able to help them.

"Soap," Price chimed through the comms, "That's what we're here for, to make sure he doesn't die. So stay focused." Ghost was nearing the target building, he could already see several men standing in front of it with guns. Price's voice had gone more strained toward the end of his sentence. He didn't trust Ghost either. He didn't trust that he wasn't about to get himself killed.

As Ghost drew closer and closer to the building he gave a quick glance around, spotting easily the glint of three sniper scopes at various vantage points. Despite his insistence that it wasn't necessary, Price wouldn't let him go in without himself, Gaz, and Soap positioned at various places to help if something went wrong. The other man's worry had spread strongly through the air and Gaz and Soap's own worried scents had joined soon after.

"Nearing the building," Ghost spoke lowly, he could tell the exact moment that the men in front of the building spotted him, each of them raising their guns and yelling at him to stop moving in clear English. "Hold unless I say otherwise."

He could hear Gaz give a stressed exhale in his ear, "I hope you know what you're doing, Ghost."

"I do," Ghost spoke quietly only moments before raising his hands, letting the men know he wasn't a threat as he continued approaching. The men, well trained, fanned out and surrounded him quickly. One of them moved up behind him and kicked his knees out, forcing him to the ground and one of the men in front of him held his gun threateningly up to his temple. "I'm here to speak to your boss," he spoke the words simply.

The man in front of him tightened the grip on his gun, pointing it at him with a bitter chuckle. "I'm the boss right now." Ghost tilted his head at the man and a simple wiff of his scent told Ghost that this was an alpha, an insecure one, but an alpha none the less.

"Your boss will want to see me," Ghost spoke again, "So let me see him."

"Do you want to get shot?" The man bit out, pressing his gun into Ghost's forehead and baring his teeth.

"I'm taking the shot," Soap hissed in his ear.

"No, hold," Ghost hissed back, uncaring of the odd looks he was getting from the men around him. He looked back up at the man, "Your boss. Take me to him." He was getting a bit fed up with these men. They must have been new or something. Either way, they were beginning to grate on his nerves and he was sure than his scent was reflecting that.

The man twitched in front of him. Alpha's didn't like being ordered around, especially insecure ones. Ghost saw the man's finger twitch toward his trigger, just hovering over it for a moment. He watched carefully, trying to determine whether the man would follow through or not. He would need to call to Soap if he thought the man would.

Just as he saw the man's finger twitch toward the trigger, there was the sound of a vehicle pulling into the parking lot that they were standing in. Ghost could see the man in front of him step back and he felt a bit smug as he turned his head to watch the black SUV pull to a halt in front of the building.

Within a second two men were climbing out of the vehicle and storming toward them. The one who'd jumped out of the passenger seat, a shorter man, was the one who spoke, "What the fuck is going on here?"

Ghost admired him for several moments, enjoying the way the man's outfit hugged his curves. The button up and pants he wore were clearly tailored specifically for him. As usual, his hair was a toussled mess. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses, but Ghost could practically see the glare that he was sending the man who'd had the gun to his head. Gary "Roach" Sanderson was a sight for Ghost's hungry eyes to devour.

"Sir," the man tried, his voice betraying his nerves.

"Paul," Roach turned to the man next to him, a taller figure in a similar outfit and pair of sunglasses, "Have these men not been properly trained?"

"Apparently not," Jackson answered him lowly, "Either that or they all decided to ignore the papers given to them before they were put on duty." He stepped forward, his very presence threatening. Paul Jackson was an Alpha and, unlike the man behind him, Ghost knew that he was not insecure in any manner. "I hope it's that they haven't been trained. I'd hate to find out that they ignored intel given to them."

"Go inside," Roach snapped at the guards, "When I come inside, I expect you to all have your heads out of your asses. I expect you all to know what you did wrong." His words were harsh and, though his presence wasn't as strong as the man next to him, it was clear that everyone was more afraid of him than anyone else in the small group.

None of the men hesitated before turning to scurry toward the building. Ghost took the opportunity to rise to his feet, brushing himself off as Jackson and Roach spoke lowly with one another. Jackson had a hand rested on Roach's hip and Ghost had to physically hold himself back from snarling at the sight.

After several moments, Jackson turned back toward Ghost and the building, his hand thankfully removed from Roach's hip. He took several steps forward, stopping to stand directly in front of Ghost and stare at him for several moments. Ghost could see the disdain that the man had for him clear as day on his face. Still, he didn't say anything before he maneuvered around him, his shoulder just barely brushing against Ghost's in a deliberate move that had him clenching his jaw. He fucking hated Roach's second and he knew that the feeling was mutual.

His attention was rather quickly captured by Roach though, the man leaning onto one of his legs and crossing his arms at him with an amused smile tugging at his lips. Neither of them said a word until they could hear the door of the building behind them open and close.

"Alpha posturing," Roach started carefully, "I'll never understand it."

"Not my fault," Ghost responded carefully, "he starts it every time."

"I never said it was your fault," Roach moved toward him slowly, reaching up to pull his sunglasses off and slip them over the top of his shirt as he did. "To what do I owe this visit, hmm? And what exactly have I done to encourage not one, not two, but three snipers watching me as well?"

"Shit," Ghost could hear Price mutter in his ear. He ignored it, the men weren't needed after all.

"My team," he answered quickly. "I'm here on business." Roach tilted his head at him. There was a bit of a breeze through the air and Ghost nearly keened when he was finally graced with the other man's scent meeting him. It was muted, as it usually was due to the suppressants he knew the other man took, but it was still just as mouth watering to him. Honeysuckle and hints of citrus. "We need your help."

Roach gave a low hum, "And what exactly does the military need my help with?"

Ghost shifted, "Locating a missing operative and the radioactive materials he was transporting." He took a step closer to Roach, one of his hands reaching out to brush lightly against his arm, "I wouldn't come here if it wasn't important."

Roach stared at him for a moment, his face twisted up as though he was thinking. "And what are you offering me in return for this help?" Roach raised an eyebrow at him, "You said this was business. Business like this usually involves a trade."

"What do you want?" Ghost asked carefully. He wasn't too surprised that Roach would want something in exchange for his help. He was ever an opportunist and even his feelings for Ghost wouldn't change that.

"You have men watching over the dam outsideof town, I want them removed." His words were quick, his eyes narrowing at Ghost, "And not just until you have your missing things back."

"Price?" Ghost asked. He could see the moment that Roach realized he'd been on comms as well and, though the other man hid his expression well, Ghost could see the tick of annoyance that crossed his face.

There was a moment of quiet before Price gave a deep sigh and responded, "Right. Make the deal."

"Deal," Ghost answered simply.

"Ah," Roach stopped him with a grin, "What if I wasn't done making demands?" He stepped closer to him, both of them pressed nearly chest to chest. Ghost could make out his scent much clearer now and he nearly shuddered at the scent of clear arousal that was slowly seeping into the honeysuckle.

"And what else do you want?" He asked carefully, though he suspected he already knew the answer.

Roach pressed a hand to his chest, leaning closer to him until his face was nearly touching Ghost's masked one. "You know what I want," he purred.

"Then we still have a deal," he answered simply, trying to keep his voice from dipping into an answering rumble of his own.

Roach gave him a bright grin and was quick to grab his hand and begin guiding him toward the building. "Tell your team members you'll be some time," he warned before adding teasingly, "Though I supposed they can listen if they want to." Ghost answered the teasing words with a low growl.

"Holy shit," Soap muttered in his ear, "You've been fucking a god damn crime lord on your deployments? Thats how you know him?" Ghost had to admit that he was a little impressed that it was Soap who'd realized first what his relationship with Roach was exactly.

He didn't answer the man though, or the resulting questions from Price and Gaz as well. Instead he simple muttered into his comm, "Going dark," before flipping the switch to turn off his radio, effectively quieting the voices of his teammates in his ear and ensuring they wouldn't be able to hear anything else he was doing.

They didn't need to hear what exactly Ghost was getting up to with the pretty omega currently leading him up to a private room. That was for him and him alone.

[merakinest]

Numbuh 161: Hey there, Sector Δ! Sector QT here, reporting for duty!

Numbuh 162: It's nice to meet you! We're still new to the Kids Next Door, so we would like some advice.

Numbuh 163: Yeah, like how do y'all guys deal with your enemies? Some of ours are smart alecs and think they're so smart like the Well-Mannered Children, the Roaches and the Soda Pop Gang. They're as annoying as a bugs in a pair of pants.

Numbuh 164: Maybe we can learn something from you guys. That is, if you're okay with that.

Numbuh 165 squeaks in response as he waved hi at Sector Δ.

Numbuh 161: Hey, maybe we can all hang out together and go on missions! That'd be fun!

*Numbuh 1.8 doesn't want to talk to any of 'em*

Numbuh 776: Hey! It's our honor to meet another Sector. Sure, we would be happy to give some advice. Let's start with your enemies. We mainly deal with enemies solo, with what we are best in. For example, 1.8 deals with strategy, 16.28 deals with feelings and if it doesn't work, then he fists it through, 1.02 deals it with science on scientific missions and/or chemical fields, 1431 deals with ambush and hiding, but he does plenty of other stuff. As for me, I use trickery and force. I hope this helps you with anything. We don't really have an archenemy yet, but the closest is Teacher Schooling MacStudyStuff.

Numbuh 1.02: His name is quite silly!

Numbuh 16.28: What's wrong with Numbuh 1.8?

Numbuh 776: ... She-uhhh...doesn't trust anyone when it comes to this....

Numbuh 1.02: Really? She doesn't look like the type of person to NOT trust anyone.

Numbuh 16.28: That's the result of naivety. You trust your closest group so much, they could use you for the wrong purpose.

Numbuh 776: It's still infuriating that THAT Sector still has an award for their "bravery". Yet, we shouldn't talk about those things without her permission. By the way, have you seen 1431?

Numbuh 16.28: He had to be temporarily replaced for the KNN as anchorman because our original anchorman is sick.

Numbuh 776: Oh.

[alexibeeart]

apropos of current events here are my top picks for a Prince song in Our Flag Means Death:

Nothing Compares 2 U "it's been 7 hours and 13 days / since you took your love away"

Diamonds And Pearls "if I could I would give you the world / but all I can do is just offer you my love"

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World "when the day turns into the last day of all time / I can say I hope you are in these arms of mine"

Mountains "but I say it's only mountains and the sea / love will conquer if you just believe"

Erotic City "we can fuck until the dawn / makin love til cherry's gone"

I Wanna Be Your Lover "I ain't got no money / I ain't like those other guys you hang around"

Purple Rain "I never meant to cause you any sorrow / I never meant to cause you any pain"

some more thoughts under the cut to save your dashboard from a long(er) post 💜💜💜💜💜

Nothing Compares 2 U "it's been 7 hours and 13 days / since you took your love away / I go out every night and sleep all day / since you took your love away / since you've been gone I can do whatever I want / I can see whomever I choose / I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant / but nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues" yes surprise if you didn't know this is a Prince song, anyways I could just copy + paste the entire lyrics trust me, cut to Ed in the captain's cabin having his daily cry sesh

Diamonds And Pearls "this will be the day / that you will hear me say / that I will never run away / I am here for you / love is meant for two / now tell me what you're gonna do / if I gave you diamonds and pearls / would you be a happy boy or a girl / if I could I would give you the world / but all I can do is just offer you my love" again? perfection. Stede pledging his love and loyalty to Edward, THE PEARLS, they both need it, it's happening

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World "when the day turns into the last day of all time / I can say I hope you are in these arms of mine / and when the night falls before that day I will cry / I will cry tears of joy cuz after you all one can do is die" not ironically i need this used in 100000% sincerity and it is absolutely being sung about Edward Teach no i will not be taking questions at this time

Mountains "once upon a time in a land called Fantasy / 17 mountains stood so high / the sea surrounded them and together they would be / the only thing that ever made u cry / you said the devil told you that another mountain would appear / everytime somebody broke your heart / he said the sea would one day overflow with all your tears / and love will always leave you lonely / but I say it's only mountains and the sea / love will conquer if you just believe / it's only mountains and the sea / there's nothing greater you and me" this song just makes me so happy it's very joyful and I can picture them sailing out over the horizon together hand-in-hand it's beautiful! could be a fun callback to The Jam Room gag with the whole crew playing together as Frenchie leads, Roach on ye olde pirate trumpet, Lucius on tambourine

Erotic City "we can fuck until the dawn / makin love til cherry's gone / erotic city can't you see / fuck so pretty you and me" CMON LIKE you can't tell me this would not be hilarious and very sexy at the same time which is the correct tone for Our Flag Means Death, the thumping beat could be used for like quick cuts of clothes hitting the floor, hands gripping bedsheets, fullbody silhouettes behind the curtains of [redacted] ... also it could easily be like a montage cutting between things happening around the ship with say a certain Lucius and Pete, Oluwande and Jim, Edward and Stede, etc etc

I Wanna Be Your Lover "I ain't got no money / I ain't like those other guys you hang around / and it's kinda funny / but they always seem to let you down / and I get discouraged / cause I never see you anymore / and I need your love babe yeah / that's all I'm living for yeah" this one's just fun classic early Prince singing about wanting to be your lover! a certified toe-tapper!

Purple Rain "I never meant to cause you any sorrow / I never meant to cause you any pain / I only wanted one time to see you laughing / I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain" THE emotional climax power ballad, PURPLE as the color of Ed's love blossoming, the potential to get the most over-the-top dramatic and romantic scene ever filmed in a rain storm? under a purple fucking sky? hello? it's got a lot going for it but I will be extremely surprised if they manage to both a) get the Estate's permission, and b) be able to pay the $$$ royalties for this one

[leatherbookmark]

another thing is that like. s1 wasn't the most brilliant thing in the whole universe but it did have a slowly progressing community plot. in the first episode, the crew's plotting to kill stede off, in episode 3 jim says he's the worst captain ever, but by episode 9 they've all grown to like him at least a bit, and so they confirm that he absolutely is a real pirate, eligible to use the act of grace, and they even do the talk it through as a crew thing. very cute!

and then s2 just... kindasorta... does... nothing... with that? sure, the crews get separated, they earned some trauma, but it's a comedy series and surely they can get over it and be one crew together again, right? look, half of the crew stays with stede even though they could have just left him -- he has nothing to offer them, after all -- the other half misses the life on the old revenge, then everyone's working with stede to take the revenge back, they're coming back home! they unionize (lol) against stede in ep4 to banish ed because he makes them feel unsafe, then in ep5 to make stede get rid of that awful cursed suit! in ep6, they have a big fun party!

eeeeexcept the swede just leaves without a second thought, and after he's gone no one misses him. buttons gets roach going "did he really turn into a bird or did you kill him", but that's it, no one misses him either and no one really notices they've lost two crew members in a couple of days. when a character is absent because their actor is absent, no one really goes "hey, where's X?", no one really notices that, so we have not one but two annoying examples of "wow, i was doing X and i missed all this stuff!" (lucius+pete and fang). olu, jim and archie are totally up for leaving stede's crew to join zheng yi sao for... no reason whatsoever. i've seen meta that it's because they don't feel comfortable on the ship or don't trust ed anymore, or have enough of stede's 15 minutes of fame, but like, is it text that this is the reason why they're leaving, or just something you as a fan figured out because you actively tried to find an explanation? sure, the crew wasn't a big fan of ed's apology, but did anyone protest very much, aside from lucius? not really. no one tried to get him to leave, no one avoided him during the party, the animosity, if it was there, just wasn't shown.

and now, in episode 8, well. everyone knows what happened in episode 8.

i'm kinda laughing bitterly here, because i made a post about how what izzy's done to the crew wasn't that much worse than what the crew do to each other, and does it mean they're not a good crew and don't care about each other?, no!, it means we're in a workplace comedy and everyone's a bit of an asshole! except. except i was kind of right, because the crew just goes and falls apart and it's barely noticeable, like they weren't a crew in the first place. it's not even sad, it doesn't have a reason, they just scatter around -- whether it's an actor wanting out, or scheduling conflicts, or money issues, i don't know, or the writers needing something that would piss stede off enough to challenge zheng yi sao to a stupid duel. the reviews and reactions to ep 6 were all wow, so moving, so euphoric, a love letter to the queer community, and it's like, a what to what. where. i don't see anything.

i've no idea, maybe djenks really looked at this episode and thought oh yeah, this is a good save point before s3, if we get renewed we can work from here, if we don't it's still a nice ending, but it's literally not in both cases. if it's an ending, it sucks. if it's a middle point, i don't actually want a s3 because the community is not a thing, my favourite little guy was killed off in the stupidest way possible, and the mains got the ending that i thought would never happen since s1, because it's too easy, too utopian, and besides it was obvious that the inn thing was only ed's escapist fantasy and he needs to find himself and what he really wants just like stede. ha. haha. ha.

i don't really care about this show anymore in the form it is now is the thing.

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

OFMD EP1 REACTION

i already know this is a dream sequence but opening on stede and izzy having a badass swordfight is dope

stede's fantasy is all about him looking and sounding super masc... babyboy that's not you...

HE FUCKING STABBED IZZY. HE KILLED HIM

and of course izzy's last words are "you absolute twaaaaaaaaaat" i'm fucking dying

AND THERE'S THE SLOMO BAYWATCH RUN GOD I LOVE IT

"knew you'd find me babe" and of course ed's got his beautiful beard back and he looks perfect and he loves stede's beard sfjgdskjgdshj stede

aaaaaaand f in the chat for stede's dream sequence, wee john is doing chemical warfare

"can't be worse than you moaning 'ed, oh, ed' all night long" f in the chat for black pete and the rest of the crew

AHAHAHA roach going "he's single" and shoving the swede at jackie. c'mon swede be a hobosexual for us we gotta sleep somewhere

"come closer. spanish jackie don't bite. i lied, i bite" and he giggles i am immediately on board congrats jackie on your 21st husband

love olu's fancy bartender waistcoat!

"i'll buy you a drink" this guy! the guy who's practically stede's twin! in the disco outfit that stede steals! is he the guy stede does a punch on? is he hitting on stede? oh my GOD where is this going

"richard banes. are you stede bonnet?" dear lord this guy could not have a posher accent. is he the guy who ends up with a fake nose. he's an undercover cop isn't he. how else does he know who stede is

awww fuck we're cutting to ed. shit's about to go down

(stede) "hope you're thinking of me as well" close-up on ed's TRUST NO-ONE tattoo. fuuuuuuuuck

and immediately the wedding ed's gonna crash is like some extremely classist/"we must breed more upper class, worthy humans" shit, so ed can do a little murder actually i immediately don't feel bad for them

"objection" ed can board a ship without anyone fucking noticing if it looks cool actually

THERE HE IS he's made everyone put on the emo paint. i keep pausing and rewatching this part. love izzy's sarcastic little smile

jim looks so fucking sexy

so does frenchie tbh

ed's just eating the cake. cake topper my beloved...

OH NO IVAN DIED. OFF-SCREEN. F IN THE CHAT. and frenchie only cares about the cake JUST KIDDING HE IS HARDCORE DISSOCIATING. poor fang tho...

stede taking down blackbeard's wanted poster... does he have a little shrine in the pig sty he's sleeping in. does he draw hearts on the posters

"he's just blowing off some steam" stede has decided the atrocities are cool and fun actually. atrocities are okay if the man doing them has big beautiful brown eyes too. what about it

"i also killed someone and stole their kiosk. sometimes action is better than vision" can we get sue on the crew? "that's what i've been telling him" "that's 'cause you're the smart one" sue confirms that olu is the only crewmember with a brain cell

'we can't turn up with any old ship, we need to look good" STEDE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD.

ed putting the little cake topper in his breast pocket next to his heart i'm going feral

"did everyone get cake?" "yeah they got cake"

ed is doing drugs and izzy has never looked more miserable and soggy. he looks like someone dunked him in an inkwell

OH HERE'S THE SCENE. THE SAD WET MEOW MEOW SCENE

shit's gotta be really bad if izzy needs to be rocked and cuddled while he cries... babyboy you should have just let ed hold the talent show...

i am not at all surprised that jackie's taking all of stede and co.'s savings. this is jackie's house. jackie does not have a tip jar. you're in the republic of pirates hide it better next time

BOO CAKES!

well you didn't even get jackie and the swede a wedding present. this is her wedding present. HIDE THE JAR BETTER-

"what if we took that back?" "i think my husbands would have a problem with that. have you met all twenty of 'em?" PAUSING TO LOOK AT THE HUSBANDS.

"that's a lot of husbands" black pete misses his husband, tails. he misses him a lot

love the one wearing no shirt and a tight waistcoat/corset thing with the axe. one's got cool glasses. two of them are either super twinky or lady-husbands, excellent either way (jackie and her lady-husbands, nandor and his guy-wives... beautiful...)

EDIT: THE TWO HUSBANDS ARE TRANS GUYS HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

"i know that guy we had breakfast together" "you will be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh ok" sometimes a family is a pirate businesswoman and her 20 19 18 20 husbands and we stan

maybe the sexy axe husband cooked the breakfast. i am delighting in imagining them being all cute and domestic until jackie needs them to stand around and look intimidating and then they all scramble into position. their job is to cook breakfast and look sexy and scare the shit out of anyone jackie points them at

i like to imagine that as soon as one of jackie's husbands died she's like fuck i gotta get a new one to make up the numbers. my brand is 20 husbands i can't be seen with only 19. who's new in town that is remotely attractive. ooh, swedish blondie with a metal tooth, he'll look nice next to the one in glasses

anyway stede and co. are now homeless rip

why does roach have buttons on a rope leash sfhdskjghsgk is buttons so desperate to return to his true love (the sea) that they have to treat him like a toddler trying to run into traffic

"dear ed, i think i'm afraid to see you. i'm not afraid you're gonna kill me, i'm afraid your life is better without me!" I AM GOING TO LOSE IT. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY SOME SELF-ESTEEM

i paused on the wanted poster and it said "wanted for theft brigandry larceny arson tax evasion" sgkjhsfgkjsfhgk the fucking IRS is going to find ed before stede does

"could be. could be, mate" stede your ed impression sucks shit

oh god richard's there. are you a cop or just a fan.

"the gentleman pirate saved my life! quite frankly, you're my hero!" with his fancy fucking coat oh god stede has a fan. stede has a copycat fan. AND STEDE'S NOW HAPPY OH MY GOD I AM HITTING HIM WITH A HAMMER (affectionate)

he fed stede a line about jackie's roman puzzle chest... i don't fucking trust this guy i'm convinced he's either a navy plant or a husband plant...

(if he is truly just a baby stede i'm putting him in a jar and shaking him (affectionate))

I FUCKING LOVE THE SWEDE

oh god back to ed's depression den

"not good enough. and that's another toe. take your boot off." okay ed, i know you're trying to get izzy or anybody to kill you in your sleep or something but i'm still. noooo don't commit atrocities you're soo sexy aha

"who am i to you" oh god. shit's gotta be really really fucking bad if izzy's doing emotional intimacy

"i have... love for you, edward" i'm going to explode

first of all izzy is delusional if he thinks he knows ed better than anyone else - we know and love this about him

second, con's fucking acting is going to kill me. he's looking at the floor, there are tears in his eyes, he's whispering and pauses as if saying the word love is going to kill him (and it's not just the emotional repression considering how volatile ed is)

and the way the line is written - it's not "i love you" or "i'm in love with you", it's not a thing izzy does or is, it's a thing he has. an object he's carrying around, separate to him, he's trying to distance himself from it.

and of course ed interrupts him with "oh come on" because he does not trust that anyone actually loves him and he doesn't want anyone to any more, he wants izzy to hate him and kill him!

"i'm worried about you, we all are. the atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned. but if we could all just maybe... talk it through" SHIT'S GOT TO BE REALLY REALLY UNQUESTIONABLY HORRIFICALLY FUCKING BAD IF IZZY IS ADOPTING STEDE'S CATCHPHRASE

ed, ominously "as a crew" as blackbeard's leitmotif starts up... WORST CHOICE OF WORDS EVER IZZY I'M TERRIFIED

izzy: i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

POOR FANG IS WHIMPERING ED DON'T SCARE HIM!!!!!

"i know who we should ask, ol' blackbeard!" (shoves gun under his own chin) jesus christ ed

"FUCKING END!" izzy has had ENOUGH

AND AS SOON AS HE SAYS STEDE'S NAME ED SHOOTS HIM

"frenchie, you are now first mate" STEPS OVER IZZY GROANING IN PAIN

i am very worried

HARD CUT TO THE SWEDE AND JACKIE LMAO

oh god stede's adopted ricky. this can only end terribly

aaaaaand f in the chat for ricky's nose

"i can't believe you guys robbed jackie! so bad!" swede.

jackie looks gorgeous though

SUE IS OF COURSE THE BADASS PIRATE QUEEN

and jackie loves her a sexy swedish double-crosser

thank you sue for adopting the gang of idiots

OH GOD JIM AND ARCHIE MOPPING UP IZZY'S BLOOD. THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

poor fang is still crying

awwww and jim's telling him pinocchio to calm him down! (but they suck at telling stories)

"do the voice"

and jim does the fucking voice

ed sounds like he's holding back tears as he describes sailing and robbing and never landing

"fuck you, stede bonnet" "good night, ed teach" HHHHHHH

stede come on man pick up a fucking oar you're not the captain any more

at least we got one romantic reunion! and it was buttons and the ocean <3

sdkfjhsdkjgsdk everyone being like "are we soup merchants now? sweet" and olu with his poor overworked brain cell like "hang on... there's no soup here"

ZHENG YI SAO FUCK YEAH BAY BEE

AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE!!! storytime with jim extended edition!!!!!

[mbrainspaz]

I had to work sunrise to sunset this christmas so I guess we're doing a christmas work rant. The young employee who's always tried to bully me high school style has been trying not so subtly to get rid of me, right? Well anyway, I can't tell if she's lying about the corporate boss plotting to give me the boot or just trying to scare me into leaving. If it's the latter, joke's on her because it's next to impossible getting hired anywhere else as a noticeably neurodivergent 'too old to still be single' queer woman? whatever guy with 3 dogs & a senior horse. Doesn't matter that I still don't have any tattoos.

The work 'evaluation' meeting we had recently seemed to go well with the boss even admitting that she'd short-staffed the business for the hardest part of the year and caused me to have problems. Corporate types are all snakes though. I don't even trust her as far as I could throw her, which is probably only 1 or 2 feet because a 5 gallon bucket of water is about the limit of what I can toss without messing up my back.

I was just thinking back to the clash we had over the summer. I'd been picking up the slack for months. Doing 50 hours a week of ranch work on average, and not even logging all of it. My one coworker (the 'manager') was slacking off and taking tons of vacations. I was tired all the time. I had no life outside of work. I even put my 3x more profitable illustration work on hold. And still when I asked to be paid for 2 hours too many the boss turned on me like grandpa Bilbo seeing the ring. She actually accused me of trying to "steal" from the company. Because I was requesting too much overtime in order to keep her damn business running somewhat smoothly in a 3 month 100+ degree heatwave.

After that I had a long talk with my corporate CEO uncle, who loves talking about Business. He said it was my mistake all along. That was hard to take but I can admit I messed up. I had to reevaluate my whole life from that point. Again.

When you're raised with that puritanical 50's martyr-like work ethic you're set up for failure. "Nobody wants to work anymore"? I want to work! I want to work harder than anyone will pay me to work. And like a fool I did anyway, and I got burned for it. Again.

Sometimes I really can't believe where I am now. Like true, I am insane by some metrics, but I still got a degree with honors, customers love me, I speak 2.5 languages, I have management experience, I've successfully run a whole boarding stable on my own, and my personal hobby that I do for FUN is finding the most efficient way to do the most tasks possible. Time blindness who? I don't need to see that bitch, I know exactly how long it takes me to walk across the room. And here I still am getting paid 2k a month, stuck living behind a barn, with a boss who was deeply offended when I told her the 31 cent raise (gotta appreciate that extra penny) she gave me was the second lowest I'd ever gotten. The only lower one being the automatic $.25 raise I got for working at the roach infested college sandwich shop for 2 semesters over a decade ago.

But nah, it's a always been a me problem. I should've known better than to work harder than they were willing to pay me. Am I also about to get nerfed by corporate for not volunteering to do extra unpaid work now? Uh—YEH. Of course I am! Foolish of me to imagine there was any way to win this.

I just can't get over the fact that I was giving them so much value for the pennies they were paying and it still was barely enough to qualify for basic survival. The boss doesn't even see or understand a fraction of what I did for this business. At one point she haughtily tried to remind me that I was also getting 'free rent' and board for my horse, but it's like, 'yeah, and you're getting someone present at your business 24/7 and a worker who can better connect with boarders.' Don't act like you're doing me a favor. I'm not your charity case. I'd rather have an extra 2K a month and live offsite. Except I'd need another 3k a month to afford rent within 50 miles.

I'm just so angry at every hustle culture shill and out of touch boomer who's still out there lying—saying that all it takes is a 'can do' attitude and maybe a college degree.

Apart from the year I was too ill to work I've worked multiple grueling jobs, 40+ hours a week for my whole adult life, I've lived on eggs and bologna for most of it, and if I lose this job in January I'll be homeless. Again.

Make it make sense. Make the meritocracy they hallucinate exist for me for FIVE MINUTES. Just once.

I just want someone with money to see everything I can do and say, "you're cool, I think you deserve to live. Not only that, but here's enough money that you can afford to do something crazy-banana-town like some regular maintenance on your car."

What's worse, sometimes, is that I know if I just gave in and played the stock market and did the credit card schemes and maybe did a few other crimes and exploited some other poor saps, I could probably actually make it. I hate it so much.

I am the ghost of christmas future.

[california-112]

TLG: E08 'Live'blog

Welcome to 2025! I am still on this train! Next stop: a Byers-centric ep!

TL;DR - This ep. This ep...we got the hurt/comfort. We got protective!Jimmy and Jimmy-Byers friendship. We got the 'sneaking into a prison' trope done EXCELLENTLY. This might be my fave so far because when I said Byers-centric, I was so right...my boy... ;-;

Oooh, big ship!

Langly I love your outfit! When did you get your shirt bestie

Frohike, down boy.

We stan a man who keeps his mind on the job tho

BASEBALL CAP BYERS!!!

Elvis impersenator?

Please say it isn't. Who I think it is. Please.

NO

Actually? Get it Jimmy. You're pretty good.

Not the fingerprint being 'read' by the screen lmao

Wait they thought this was a legit Elvis??? Dafuq?

Mic flip???

However. It does clearly show us that that mic is missing an XLR cable so. Hm.

F*ck.

Credits B)

He's still wearing the wig lolll

Byers I love you. Nothin in particular that this comment goes with I just love him

"I'm starting to think that maybe Elvis is really dead" Lmaooo

Is that the French Attache guy from the last ep?

Langly having a fight or flight moment

Jimmy's smile is nice! :)

Byers proper smile moment (rare!)

Actually I don't think it is the French Attache but he's certainly been in something TXF-related before

Your OUTLAW son?

A Team reference!

Are we going to get our own 'sneak into prison dressed as an inmate' ep? 👀

Byers putting a Thomas Jefferson quote into the mix for no reason

Jimmy's going in?

Wait why is Byers undressing. And what's with the cuffs

Texas?

Byers AND Jimmy!

Wait they put them straight on DEATH ROW what the f*ck???

Byers,,,

Ohhh I feel a panic attack fic coming on

I bet this guy kills the cockroach

Called it

Jimmy :(

And they are breaking into a burger place because...?

He had a silent alarm in a burger joint???

"Take my word for it! Pfeifer is absolutely a murderer!" Ah yes. That surely sounds trustworthy.

"He don't? Uh, uh..." Getting into character lmao

EXACTLY Yves. Glad you're here to put some sense into them.

Femenine wiles lol

Wait Byers. Byers. Wait. Byers

"You're not the fighting type." / "I won't have to be." Whump-lovers dream scenario coming up I fear

HE'S MY B*TCH???

PROTECTIVE JIMMY YESSS

Also he's in cell DR-007 lol

Byers.

Get! It! Yves!!!

Not the bubblegum and everything lmao

BYERS NOOO

"Where's John?" 🥺😭

Jimmy is just completely entranced lol

"I miss you baby..." / "Yeah? Oh!" They are made for eachother

Jimmy stop.

THE GUARD LMAOOO

Oh nice move

Peebo.

He broke his f*cking arm?

Byers nooo. My boy :(

Steady on Pfeifer damn

Oh yeah like he'll be able to wear that unobtrusively. Tf???

Aw f*ck.

Alright so what do we reckon Byers and Jimmy are '''in for'''

The lawyer!

The way they're showing us (the audience) this over-ear display absolutely rocks

Wait so Byers got whumped for NOTHING?

Jimmy look out!

Is the mom involved somehow?

They're sleeping on camp beds in their motel base...

Bet you it's not Yves

CALLED IT

LANGLY you need to get better at hiding things

You're actually being pretty cute in this scene tho ngl

"She's agreed to marry me!" WHAT IS THAT COVER STORY

Yes Yves. Toad boyyy

He's outside. He's outside!

Jimmy, don't trust this man.

He wants to farm cockroaches. (Different man)

Wait how is Byers' arm ok

Bro take the damn smoke.

Yes Byers!!!

Turn those puppy eyes on, damnnn

Ah yes. Prison officers

Why didn't we get a Byers + Frohike and Langly reunion??? He's been hurt, hello???

What's with the cowboy hats in the waiting room lol

Tell him!

They're rangers?!

Yeeeah! Happy Elvis montage!

Not 'Roach Rescue' 💀

Don't slap my boy lady your son literally did it

Something about how Byers just stands there in the rain and Jimmy walks over and covers him with the umbrella. My heart...

HUG!? 🥺

THIS EPISODE oh my god. Oh my goddd