#yeah anyways. they live in my brain rent free now

[acolorboom]

Enter my new crack rarepair: Skypno

[egginfroggin]

So like I know that きみでないのなら has romantic undertones due to the context and who it's being sung by in Itoki Hana's story (Phantom Aria), but like. I keep associating it with like. tragic siblings (especially twins separated through time/space, hm, gee, wonder why, hmmmmmmmmmmmm)

[whimsicalcotton]

Rachel for da blorbo bingo

she Is the whitenoise in my brain I Can't live a normal life anymore

[paula-in-dreamland]

Fun fact: You have not experienced true brain rot till you start writing fanfiction on fanfiction

[neriyon]

Ohhhh perfectly timed wolqotd bc I was just thinking about ancients yesterday~

Hawu'li's ancient is Azem, more intimately known as Eleos. He/him, pan, born on some small, remote village, and around the same age as Hyth and Emet. They all met during their akadaemia years (when Eleos, being himself, caused a big commotion during enterance ceremony), and ended up dating sometime around their graduation. He and Hyth both really get on poor Emet's nerves some days, but they all love each other very much.

Eleos had long (down to around the small of his back), dark purple hair with bright orange highlights, often worn open with a small part gathered up as a ponytail on the left side, and his bangs parted to right. He's also got a mole under his left eye, bright orange eyes reminiscent of sunrise, and is often seen smiling, laughing or playfully smirking. He's bit shorter than Hyth and of similar build.

Thanks to this picrew I finally have somewhat accurate picture of how I image him!

Venat is his beloved mentor and idol - she saved his home village during her Azem years, and Eleos who was just a wee kid back then was so blown away by how amazing and cool she was. Their relationship is generally very close after Venat herself offers student-Eleos to become her apprentice, only taking a turn for the worse when final days start happening (he's not into the whole summoning plan).

He's also in somewhat good terms with other Convocation members during his time as Azem (Lahabrea might've something to say about his behaviour tho...) but seemed extra close to Elidibus whom he seemed to consider as younger brother, often bringing him gifts from his travels.

hm? oh is it wol question time?

who is your wol/oc's ancient?

is it Azem, or someone else? what's their name? what was their relationship to the ancients we know (Venat, Emet Selch, Hythodeus, etc.)? do you have a picture of them?

[weirdkpopgirl]

Sulky | Jeno Imagine #12

Title: Sulky

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: mildly suggestive, a little making out towards the end

Word Count: 952

Author's Note: Alright, I know I literally just posted something for Jeno a few days ago. But this idea was just living rent free in my mind, and I just couldn't resist writing it. I know you guys like this stuff too, so I thought writing this couldn't hurt. I'm Jaemin biased, but Jeno is just so cute especially when he's sulky. Anyway hope you guys like it ^ ^

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ

Now, it was no secret to anyone that Jeno got sulky easily. When you two first started seeing each other, you found it quite funny how things could so easily hurt such a tough, masculine guy. Of course, you’re usually able to provide him with enough reassurance to make him a smiley puppy again. Teasing your partner was never in your nature. But you’d occasionally step out of character just because Jeno’s reactions were hilarious.

The two of you were lounging on the couch in his apartment’s living room, mindlessly scrolling through your phones. You paused when you came across some photos from his recent concert. While you admired how fiercely handsome your boyfriend looked on stage, another member unintentionally caught your eye.

“Wah, Jaemin looks amazing in that stage outfit,” you remarked, showing him the picture. “I can’t imagine all the screams from fans when they saw his abs.”

Jeno glanced at the photo and shrugged, his expression unchanging. “I mean, it’s nothing new. Everyone knows Jaemin works out, so I don’t think that many people were surprised.”

At first, you didn’t even notice your boyfriend’s lack of interest in the subject, too preoccupied with scrolling through more photos of his attractive member. In fact, you found his comment a bit hard to believe.

“No, but the lighting from the stage makes you see how perfectly defined and sculpted his abs are!” you said in awe, as you came across a close-up picture that a fan had taken.

Your boyfriend’s grip tightened on his phone, and he shot you a sideways glance. To him, it was almost as if you had forgotten he was sitting right beside her. 

“My stage outfit showed my abs too, you know,” he muttered.

The hint of sulkiness in his voice was something you caught immediately, and that's when you realized he was jealous. Although it wasn’t your intention to make him feel this way, you couldn’t help but find the pout on his lips adorable. Deciding to push his limits just a little, you feigned obliviousness to his growing discomfort over your sudden interest in Jaemin.

Leaning back on the couch, you sighed. “Well yeah, but I’ve already seen your abs plenty of times. Not that I find them boring now, but…”

Jeno’s pout deepened and he whined softly, his jealousy now clearly evident. You bit your lip, stifling a laugh because he was just so endearing like this. However, your innocent teasing soon backfired. 

Determined to make his point, he sat up and lifted his shirt, revealing his own well-defined abs, a testament to his consistent workouts. Before you could even say anything, he grabbed your hand and pressed it against his firm stomach with an intense gaze.

“Tell me, who do you prefer,” he demanded in a dark yet calm voice. “Jaemin or me?”

Your cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, and your breath slightly hitched at the sudden contact. Feeling the ridge of his muscles beneath your fingers quickly brought out your instinctive shyness. You rarely saw this possessive side of Jeno.

“Jeno…” you began, your voice barely above a whisper. You searched your brain for something to say, but you were too flustered to find the right words.

“That’s what I thought,” he interrupted, a satisfied smirk spreading across his face.

Before you could pull away, Jeno leaned in and captured your lips in a passionate kiss. His lips were soft yet demanding, a reminder that you belonged to him and him alone. As the moments passed and his lips showed no signs of moving, you closed your eyes and gently placed your hand under his jaw. One of his hands was already on your waist and as he felt you kiss back, he pulled you closer and deepened the kiss with a tender urgency. 

His lips moved against yours hungrily, the only sound of the room the soft smacking of kisses. The kiss deepened, and you felt his tongue gently part your lips, exploring with a slow, deliberate intensity. Your lips molded together, warm and yielding, and the sensation sent shivers down your spine. The subtle, rhythmic movement of his mouth against yours was intoxicating, and you couldn’t help but respond with equal fervor.

When you finally parted, you needed a moment to catch your breath. Jeno’s gaze remained fixed on you, silently seeking reassurance, his eyes revealing a hint of vulnerability.

“Of course I prefer you,” you replied, looking at him as if the answer were obvious. “Jaemin’s visuals might be impressive, but you know I only have eyes for you.”

Jeno’s grin widened, and he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you back to your previous cuddling position. “Good,” he said, sinking comfortably into the couch cushions with you.

Soon after, his tone turned playful yet still a bit possessive. “But I’m still putting you on a Na Jaemin ban from now on.”

The lingering sulkiness in his comment made you want to roll your eyes. But instead, you laughed and rested your head on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your ear. You knew that protesting would be useless, and he’d get over it eventually.

Yet, you also knew that what you and Jeno had was unbreakable. With how much you two loved each other, you were inseparable, no matter how sulky he got.

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ

previous masterlist -> current masterlist

[artistsfuneral]

Hey, remember that really cool witcher fic I never wrote bc it's living rent free in my head? Yes this one:

Lambert gets captured by a mage, for some plot reason, and to avoid getting killed by the rightfully angry witcher, the mage curses Lambert's senses.

His vision is terribly blurry, think dark vignette around the corners, messy shapes, more a constantly shifting, wobbly mess than anything else. He can't see. It hurts to open his eyes because he can't even control his pupils anymore so light just gets in and - yeah it's not great.

He is deafened. A normal human would probably be unable to hear anything, but he's a witcher. It all sounds like his head is held under water. He can't make out any of the quiet noises and everything loud sounds distorted and really far away. Lambert is in a lot of danger.

He also can't talk. Not in words at least. He can growl and whine and scream and- He doesn't need to be able to hear himself to know that he sounds more like an animal.

The only thing the mage has left him with is his sense of smell (and touch). The idiot probably had no idea just how good a witcher's sense of smellcan be and it's Lambert's main tool of survival now.

So Lambert somehow manages to escape anyways - because it's Lambert and Lambert is awesome and there needs to be plot to this. But it's also winter and everything is just loud and bright and cold and oh gods what the fuck is he supposed to do?

He can't see anything. Light reflects off of snow and right into his blown out pupils, effectively blinding him. The sound of his boots against the snow is incredibly disorienting. Every crunch seems to echo in his ears and he can't make out anything else. There's only one way for him to go and it's foreward. Away from the smell of ozone and into the forest.

He stumbles and falls and gets up just to stumble all over again - he just wants to get away, it doesn't matter into which direction he's walking, as long as he's getting further and further away from that hellhole

And then he stumbles again, trips through the snow and down a goddamn cliff - thankfully the snow cushions his fall but yeah... He's not doing so peachy. He loses his consciousness (like all good characters do) and he thinks that's it, he's going to die in a heap of snow. He hopes his brothers won't think he fell on purpose. Despite how much he complains he would never actually leave them behind like this....

What Lambert doesn't know is that he's basically fallen into the temporary camp of the cat caravan. And they look at him and decide yes, they are going to keep this absolutely pathetic (broken, bloody, too thin, shivering, wet, barely alive) looking witcher.

When Lambert wakes, he panics (obviously) and his fight or flight kicks in hard. There's strangers all around him and they're trying to hold him down and they're strong and gods above this is fucking scary! And then- then his hand meets a familiar object. A medallion. He freezes up, clutches at the medallion like he's holding onto his own lifeline- and then a hand takes hold of his and leads it to another medallion and with his hand against their chests he can feel their witcher-slow heartbeats and oh thank fuck-

(i am procrastinating by writing this down, need to post it now or else i will be sitting here til tomorrow, avoiding my actual task but do let me know if you want to hear how this continues because yes theres a lot more of this in my brain)

[celestialalpacaron]

Ayo, someone by the name of Curly-B-Blog is redlining art of yours from 2020 (while pretending that it's actually Sai Scribble's work), and kind of being a dick about it. just thought you should know.

You know, originally I was just gonna brush it off, but then I went back to look at my old SU art from 2020 and did so much self reflection from then till now.

I think this was around the time I was just learning how to do perspective and tried to use the perspective tool on Procreate for the first time? :0 and I remember telling Sai “Sai I have this STUPID idea, I CANT believe it this stupid joke it’s so DUMBBBB, it’s living rent free in my BRAIN I SWEAR THIS IS GONNA BE SO STUPID DCIUWHEFIUWHIRFUIW4F” and being super excited to show her the finished product. People still think Sai created the Cursed Skin Gloves comic and I think it’s hilarious wjhwnuhwijwuiw

The comic was received very well and it made LOTS of people laugh and I’m still proud of this comic to this very day! :D and tbh if it wasn’t for my obsession for Sai’s Switcheroo AU I never would have found my passion in comic work! (love you you stinky hoe @saiscribbles 🩷)

HOWEVER…. I definitely still had lots to learn! I wasn’t very good at perspective at the time I’ll admit, but I was definitely having lots of fun learning :3

And throughout the past 4 years, ALOT has happened.

I graduated from college with TWO fancy pieces of expensive papers in Visual Development in Animation and Illustration learning from Will Kim and Jeff Soto, and as a I was working with the funny voice man Cougar MacDowall as a comic/story artist and reached in total around 7 million views for my fan series FNAF Security Malware Breached (it was even #21 on the trending list around the time of my birthday 🩷 what a lovely gift), had an insane opportunity to work with Mike Geno and with the voice cast from The Amazing Digital Circus for a fan song as a background and character asset artist, Vivienne Medrano liking and sharing my silly Overlord Husk AU comics, currently on my route to getting my certificate from Aaron Blaise’s Character design program and graduating from Marc Brunet Art School, and now I am completing my first year as professional colorist and art assistant for my storyboard and comic mentor Michelle Lam, aka Mewtripled! (Also I’ll be heading out to Lightbox Expo 2024 on October 26 with Michelle and the team so if y’all ever wanna meetup hahahajaj wink wink wink wink wink)

So you can say I learned ALOT and I enjoyed every minute of what I do :D I try to be humble about my accomplishments because blah blah being humble good yes yes but this time I wanna be selfish and say HELL YEAH I DID ALL THIS!!! AND IM SO EXTREMELY PROUD OF MYSELF FIUGEIURGERGGRS

Now here’s my most recent comic page that I posted like 2 days ago without the text.

That’s pretty freakin wild to me, I can’t believe I used to draw Steven Universe art like that back in 2020 LOL LIKE GUYS I DREW THIS!! WITH!!! MY HANDS!!! IS THAT NOT INSANE!!!???

Anyways moral of the story:

Learn from everyone and everything! Yes, even then mean ones too! If you can learn to work with anyone, I promise you’ll get to where you want to be faster. People can be a little mean on the internet, but that shouldn’t stop you from being where you want to be in the future. I’m so EXTREMELY grateful for all the opportunities and to all the kind professionals who were willing to give me a chance. Seriously, I’m so graciously thankful for everything, and I hope everyone here will support me and my silly little comics I will do now and in the future!

And one more thing:

Don’t be a jerk. Be to be nice to everyone :D nothing good comes out when you’re bad to everyone.

[punchspeedchunk]

Me: *Opens PS doc to keep working on the height chart character art after getting my heart high enough to tackle fixing Adaine's fucked up lines*

Also Me: *Doesn't touch Adaine, draws fucking design for Goblin King Riz AU that I have barely posted about outside of chats with @dullgecko *

So yeah i have this now instead of progress on the main thing

Goblin King Riz. Part of a whole story that i may or May not post bits of, if i ever write them (or just do the Wild Hunt animatic that is living rent free in my brain, hhh).

Anyway enjoy his cunty little stance and antler bone crown and cloak of smoke and entire 5'7 in heels glory. This is his Arch-Fae form and he can hold it for like an hour max before he takes a level of exhaustion and needs a long rest. He can use it for shorter periods equalling up to an hour without an exhaustion effect, still needs the long rest to get it back though.

[thrpr0phetuseek]

[ they smile, listening to the gentle silence before starting to sing a low, nearly inaudible hum. It held the same few notes constantly on loop; a lullaby of sorts that they intended to keep silently singing had they not nearly tripped over the roots of their tree. In that action, they leaned against him, finding balance before straightening themself up again. They waltzed with him for a few moments more, just in the general vicinity and not too far away, before they slowed and reached a hand to cup his face, kissing him again to make a peaceful end ]

“We made it. You want to come sit?”

[ they tugged on his hand gently, the one still intertwined with their own, pulling him towards it. With their other hand, now free, they shifted their scarf and then their cloak, pulling the remnants of dried blood hopefully out of his sense of reach, ensuring they would not receive questions or worries during what is now a long and peaceful night ]

[ they were sat peacefully by the shore of the mingling rivers, swaying lazily with no lingering thoughts. This had been how they’d spent the past few hours — though time is irrelevant in the underground, everyone knows this — getting up and wandering tipsily when they felt the itch to move, settling down for however long their body would let them before they were spat out to wander again. It peaceful, if not irregular, and the prophet could not think to ask of a better way to spend such a quiet time. Well, nearly could not ]

“ . . . Muse?”

<< @thrpr0phetuseek =} >>

"Hey there, love." Odysseus greets the call, slinking out from the water to move towards the peophet. Upon getting close, the king's face scrunches, catching whiff of the alcohol lingering on their form. Even if they faint, they unfortunately couldn't escape it, not with heightened senses.

With a quiet, almost inaudible hum, he plants himself by Tiresias' side, not yet shifting out of his seabound form. The prophet was still one of the few people he felt he didn't have to be on edge around; let alone hide certain features he had learned to humanly mask.

"Red wine?" He asks, playfully poking their side, though it was also meant to give them a general understanding of where he was sat.

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Does ao3 have an option where you can pay for kudos or comments? If not, is there a chance some site out there does for ao3 that's not apart of the site? I can't tell if I barely get either because I suck at writing or are just very unlucky and it kinda blows seeing empty kudos and comments on the things I upload😅

Don't be so hard on yourself! Fandoms can be pretty quiet sometimes. I am pretty convinced after SCOM wraps I won't get as many kudos and comments on my TOH fics, since my brain now has these characters living in my head rent free.

Anyway, I believe that kudos and comments are from folks in the wild, but yeah, that kind of is disheartening to put yourself out there in your writing and feel like you're not getting much back. We do this fan fic writing thing for free!

You could see if there's discord servers for fan fic writers that can keep your heart in the game? Maybe see if there's someone you can trade beta reading with or bounce some ideas off of?

It's scary to put yourself out there.

writer to writer hugs.

[madthetruemad]

More Topaz… she’s in my head living rent free which is weird because she would pay her rent on time… Anyways how about jokingly asking her for an expensive item just to see her reaction. The reader doesn’t even want it 😂 or randomly hugging her too see what she do or thinks

Topaz brain rot… it’s too late for me

"How about this? Please, Topaz. It's all I have ever wanted."

Which was a bold faced lie.

You two were out and about. Your eyes flicking to every which was as you planned and plotted on a way to tease her.

And when you spotted a comically overpriced necklace that you thought was the ugliest piece of jewelry you have ever seen, you couldn't help but to beg for it.

As for Topaz?

She glanced over to what you were asking for, and without even looking at the price she had called the store clerk over, "that please."

You paused momentarily. Completely floored at the fact that she didn't even look at the price.

"Of course Miss, would that be all?"

She looked at you, and you nodded, still playing along to the charade.

"Wonderful! Let me go wrap this up for you!"

And when you both went to the cash register, you had to put a stop to the joke. Because 1) the necklace was down right hideous despite the jewels embedded into it and 2) the price was more than you could make in a year!

"I- I was just kidding Topaz!"

"Oh, I know."

She pulled out her black card and swiped it. The amount was immediately approved as a receipt started to print on a small piece of paper.

"Then why are you buying it!?"

"So you can wear it," she said as she looked to you. A smug grin on her face as she was handed the necklace, "now, turn around so I can put this on you."

Yeah, in terms of teasing and playing jokes, I can definitely see Topaz being the one to turn the tables right back at you. Which was exactly how you ended up wearing something you didn't even want.

In terms of winning, money was no obstacle since she has plenty of it. Though, she does look forward to your next prank, whatever that may be. <3

[fablesandfragments]

Okay, guys, this idea has been living rent-free in my head for days, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I know it’s exam season and I have no business letting my brain go rogue like this, but here we are. So, I’m throwing it out here on my blog because I need to get it down somewhere. Even if I never end up writing it, maybe it’ll speak to someone else, and they can pick it up.

So, you all know about the Epic of Gilgamesh, right? (If not, here’s a super quick rundown: It’s one of the oldest surviving stories in the world, all the way from ancient Mesopotamia. It’s about this super arrogant king, Gilgamesh, who’s part god, part man, and he rules his city, Uruk, with cruelty. The gods send Enkidu, a wild man, to humble him. They become super close—like best friends or something more, depending on your interpretation—and the story dives into themes of love, mortality, and what it means to leave a legacy. It’s beautiful and tragic.)

Anyway, my brain decided to spiral with the idea of a retelling. Except this version? It’s about a dark, toxic love between Gilgamesh and Enkidu that’s messy, tragic, and absolutely consuming. Let me lay it out:

The gods create Enkidu from dust because Gilgamesh has become this cruel, sadistic king who thinks he’s untouchable. Enkidu is meant to humble him, but the gods are kind of vague about what his purpose actually is beyond that. So, Enkidu starts off living in the wild, completely free and untamed, until the gods send a priestess to “civilize” him.

Once Enkidu is drawn into the world of people, he catches sight of Gilgamesh, and it’s like instant obsession. Enkidu knows this is who he was made for, though he doesn’t entirely understand why. He challenges Gilgamesh to notice him—not in a direct “look at me” way, but by showcasing his strength. Enkidu throws himself into these bold, outrageous displays of power, each one more impressive than the last, until Gilgamesh can’t ignore him anymore. That’s when Gilgamesh realizes Enkidu might actually be his equal—and he’s intrigued.

Now, here’s where it gets messy. Enkidu falls into this masochistic devotion to Gilgamesh. His entire perspective is, “Take everything from me. Break me. I don’t need to be loved—I just want to belong to you, even if it destroys me.” And Gilgamesh? He does love Enkidu, but in this dark, twisted way. Gilgamesh doesn’t really know how to love, and he channels his feelings through dominance, control, and even cruelty. Their dynamic is this constant push and pull, full of tension, pain, and this undercurrent of something tender that neither of them fully knows how to name.

But of course, this can’t last. The gods start to notice that Enkidu isn’t “humbling” Gilgamesh the way they intended. Instead, he’s complementing him, strengthening him in ways that only make him more dangerous. So, the gods curse Enkidu to dwindle away, to fade into weakness and suffering.

Here’s the tragic part: Gilgamesh, who’s completely devastated by Enkidu’s decline, goes to the gods and bargains with them to save Enkidu. And it’s not just an empty promise—Gilgamesh means it. He offers up everything: his throne, his power, even his own existence. He tells the gods, “I will disappear. I will give up everything I’ve built, everything I am, if you bring him back.”

The gods accept the bargain, and Enkidu is restored. At the end, Gilgamesh and Enkidu walk away together, leaving behind the city and everything else. It’s bittersweet—this kind of “walking off into the sunset” vibe that’s both an ending and a beginning.

But yeah, this is all super rough and unpolished—I haven’t even nailed down all the details yet (like what else Gilgamesh sacrifices besides his throne). There’s definitely room for tweaks or changes, and I’d love to hear what people think!

If this idea resonates with you or you’d want to work on it (collaboration vibes?), let me know! I love this concept so much, but I’m also super insecure about whether I can do it justice. Either way, I just wanted to get it down here, and maybe it’ll inspire someone else.

What do you think? Should I keep going with it?

<3

FYI I Will keep reblogging this till it reaches at least someone willing to bring it to life.

[lenreli]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (i don't know if you do these sorts of chain-letter things, or if you'd prefer not to, but for my part i do like to know which of their works a given author is especially hype on, so consider this an opportunity to gush!)

I do love the chain things! :D Just. Energy, y'know.

Can I rec all the writing?

A Superbat fic first: and it's a violent vertigo. Very explicit, and manages to hit all 4 of the BDSM letters. Quite proud of it honestly. :D

The Problem with Clark Kent - Explicit. Featuring Warworld Supes.... yeah. Also with some Dan Mora Bruce thrown in there. And aside from the insane thirst of Warworld Supes, also some fun roommate shenanigens!

And for Dreamling: (explicit)

god is dead and disappointed - demon!Hob/priest!Dream. This was very fun. I wrote half of it like I was possesed, so that was an experience. At least demon Hob pays rent in my head now. And waiting for people to get up to a certain scene is fun.

I wanna feel myself denied - I just really love.... messing with power dynamics. Even in the one dynamic there can be a thousand variations of it, and so. I am here. Writing the nth one, with more in my brain still. Anyway, this particular fic includes a scene in Dream's life that lives rent-free in his head. He wants more of it.

Going off that last one - my many dreamling drabbles! Altogether it's up to 100k+, which I did consistently for months. A very fun time, since I love thinking up new things, or riff off things talked about in servers or whatnot! I can see how my writing changes through the months of the drabbles, which is another point of fascination! How the words get easier or more fluid, and whatnot.

endless pawns playing a fixed game - Reacher inspired AU! Mainly because bodyguard Hob whose very good at killing. I'm writing a one-shot after it still because I love them and their complete lack of morals. And Hob's pointy shoes. And daggers.

Anyways. Yes. :D

[doomspiral]

Stupid question so feel free to ignore but how do you think Gil would react to someone coming in and holding up the restaurant to rob him?

I don't know why this is where my brain went forgive me

good an excuse as any to infodump what Loser AU is!

So, Gilbert sometime in middle school (i dont care! they are in america bcs this au is just me fuckin around talking to @arschbiene )starts getting hot-potatoed between family members bcs hes a problem child with too much energy and too smart for his own good cause now they have expectations he's not meeting. Winds up living with Dietrich, who's like "ssssuuure ill take him, he can work right?" cause yeah he cares but also he needs help with rent. anyway. basically this becomes dietrich depending more and more on his high schooler cousin to help with the bills and gil getting gradually more completely insane because they dont really get along, its messy. its a mess. its not good, dietrich is in a band.

Gil gets into uni and immediately gets a bf his cousin thinks is too old for him (it is a 1-2 year age gap, ivan is younger than dietrich. much bigger than him tho!). anyway its shenanigans. many shenanigans.

but gil working at a burger joint is in high school, he's 17 at most already a manager even tho he cant lock up the night shift alone, running on no sleep, energy drinks the US will ban in six months, some coke he stole from dietrich's bandmates, and just had to take his exams at school before clocking in.

all of this is to say he would leap over the counter and try a robber's life just to feel some adrenaline.

[sukunastits]

Weaponized Incompetence

Weaponized Incompetence 2/?

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish x Reader

Warnings: none? other than my near endless supply of stupid shit that can be said to make men think you’re stupid. Sfw

Part 1

You were entirely blameless for the next incident. Truly, you had been minding your business, avoiding responsibilities like any good non-commissioned officer. Secluded in one of the far off storage rooms on the west side of the complex, counting boxes of paper towels - far enough out of the way that Sgt. MacTavish had to have come looking for you, specifically. Adorable man, you thought giddily, watching him situate himself in the metal fold out chair next to you. 

He wasn’t a tall man, maybe the shorter end of average, but you figured he made up for it by being the general size of a wide-load tractor trailer. Which was to say, when he slid the chair - legs scraping against the concrete ground - closer to you, he invaded like the tide. “Listen, lass,” he started, like you couldn’t smell his cologne over the stale, dusty air. Tobacco and vanilla, maybe. A little slutty, combined with the eyes and the facial hair and the accent. 

Maybe you were just projecting. 

“Ah get that you come from tae city,” he continued, phone in one hand while he braced the other one on the back of your chair. A part of you wondered if you should be worried; cornered in a far off room by a commanding officer wasn't the best start to happily ever after, but whatever. You were here to drive him up a metaphorical wall, not a white picket fence. “And ye probably never had tae deal with farm animals, but ye can’t go ‘roond spoutin’ nonsense like the other day.” 

Was he still on that? You had hit him with that well before the weekend, and he hadn’t wasted time with cornering you. It was Monday. God, you thought, I am blessed to live rent free in the Scottish Highlands. 

He wiggled the phone entreatingly. 

Staring back from the screen was Google, “are eggs dairy” typed into the search bar. Pressing your lips together, you slanted a sideways glance at him. He looked back, expectant. 

The nice thing would be to let him win this, you knew. A little tee hee, so sorry sergeant, let it die down before you hit him with some other out of pocket shit. But you hadn’t gotten this far in life by letting men win, even pretty ones. 

Especially the pretty ones. 

“Ohh,” you breathed, nodding to yourself like you’d had a world breaking - egg cracking, even - revelation. Sgt. MacTavish smiled, broad shoulders relaxing as he leant back, dipping back out of your personal space. “I get it now.”

“An easy mistake,” he placated. You both knew it wasn’t. 

“No, yeah. You still think birds are real.”

An atom bombed dropped slower than his smile did; there one moment, gone the next. Total annihilation. You would have to play this one carefully. Not laughing hysterically would be a herculean effort, but so worth it. 

“What tae fu -”

“No let me explain,” you cut in, flapping your hand at the wrist. It annoyed men, for some reason, a floppy wrist. Like a weak handshake, it triggered their little neanderthal brain. “I get that it sounds weird out of context. But like, okay. So in the, like, 1970s, in America? They had this President, right, Ronald Reagan?” Wrong. “And he, like, hated birds. So he formed the CIA,” made even funnier by the Task Force tangentially being CIA controlled, “And had them capture and kill all the wild birds, right? Except obviously people would have noticed if all the birds just disappeared, so he had them replaced with robots.” 

You stared at him for a moment, waiting to see if he was keeping up. He stared back, lips pressed together and nostrils flared. “Or androids? I don’t really know. Are they different? I think they’re synonymous. Anyways, he had robot birds made so that he could spy on the American people during the Cold War. And, like. He couldn’t do it with domesticated food birds, so he had them sterilized. And cows evolved to make eggs because birds couldn’t.” 

You nodded, and smiled, empty. Vacant. Not a thought in this head. “So I guess you used to be right,” you finished, patting his arm like it was a consolation. 

MacTavish opened his mouth, closed it. Let out a breath through his nose like an angry bull. For a moment, you wondered if this was it. Was this really all it took? The Birds Aren’t Real Conspiracy? You had so many more. GMOs. Bananas. You could be a very convincing Flat Earther. Buffalos. God, you loved the buffalo bit. 

“Who,” he stopped. Started again. “Who told ye that?” 

“My Governments teacher,” you answered immediately. “Mr. Schumacher. I loved his class, he taught us soo much.” 

“He lied.” MacTavished butted in, voice low. You bet he sounded like a blender in the morning, all gravely bass. You wanted to coo at him, at how cute he was, all ruffled. Instead, you did your best sure, Jan and shrugged. 

“I mean, I think a teacher would know better than the internet, but if you say so, sergeant,” you agreed placidly.

Stressed, he rubbed a hand over his mohawk. And then, phone still in hand, he pointed at you, and left. 

You watched him go, agreeable with the way his jeans sat on his ass. You wondered if he ever wore those bedazzled Buckle jeans. You wondered if you could ever get him into a pair either way. The door slammed behind him, shaking a layer of dust off the ceiling tiles. After a moment, when you were sure he wouldn’t be coming back, you tossed your package of paper towels into the nearest box. 

You needed a new hiding spot.