#yeah I'm going to the doctor about it
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So it has come to my attention that feeling lightheaded and drenched in sweat 24/7 is not simply a minor inconvenience and is, in fact, not good..... hmmmm
#like. yeah it sux i guess but what am i supposed to do about it#yeah I'm going to the doctor about it#but i cannot count on both hands and feet how manny times#i have gone to a doctor for this kind of stuff#only for them to tell me “i dunno have you considered that you're fat?”#or tell me to excerisize more#like hey doctor have you considered that maybe i don't excerisize more#because of my symptoms?#because the last time i went for a pleasant jog i woke up on the sidewalk#surrounded by men i didn't know?#luckily they were just worried about the random jogger hlwho passed out but#anyway#hopefully this time its like a tumor or something treatable at least#if i find out this is some more chronic bs i gotta live with forever#I'm gonna riot#anyhoo#fi talks#medical trauma tw
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"but Pyramids of Mars established that Sut-" my friend this is the three-separate-explanations-for-Atlantis show, as far as I'm concerned they can have a free-for-all when it comes to real-world mythology
"but they're ruining the canon!!" buddy I got good news for you, Doctor Who canon is a buffet and you don't have to eat anything you don't want to
#to be clear this is NOT about disliking whatever they're doing with Sutekh#I'm going to try and watch Pyramids of Mars this week and I may hate the direction they choose to go in in the finale! who knows!#I wasn't a fan of a bunch of the choices they made for the Toymaker (though that is slightly different in that it's not a real world myth)#but there's a specific type of comment I've been seeing mostly in youtube comments which. yeah dead dove etc#but people getting worked up over the One True Canon is like. you know what show this is right??#I personally choose to ignore the buffet dish that is the First Doctor in Twice Upon A Time#anyway peace and love#the legend of ruby sunday#the empire of death#pyramids of mars#doctor who#dw spoilers#ramblings
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes “ahh you're like my knight in shining armor!”#and pharah goes “that's what i'm goin for ;)” and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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i think my problem with this dw season arc accusing the audience of fanbrain for theorising about ruby is that it both feels deceitful and isn't actually that compelling from a character perspective. the season goes out of its way to build up supernatural mystery around ruby and even invokes susan more heavily than ever before in a way that is deliberately trying to get the audience to make those connections. and then it turns around and says you stupid idiot why would you ever try to connect these dots i have deliberately tried to get you to connect.
building up a mystery only for the character to be ordinary is an impossible girl arc redux only this time accusing the viewer of failing to see the humanity of the companion, whereas the impossible girl arc was turning that accusation on the doctor. 7b didn't really blame the audience for viewing clara as a puzzle and in fact several times spells out the fact that clara is perfectly ordinary before the big reveal to give the audience a chance to catch on. as 7b goes on, instead of laying the mystery on thicker, the audience just gets more and more affirmations that clara is a normal human being (rings of akhaten, journey to the centre of the tardis, hide). i found this approach compelling because it was rooted in character, focusing on the doctor's disconnection from humanity/the gendered dynamic of a man treating a woman as his manic pixie mystery to pull him out of grief. s14's meta approach of accusing the viewer feels both unfair, given it has deliberately led the viewer towards theorising, and personally less compelling to me because it wasn't tied into character in any way.
the thing about rey's parentage in tlj is that the reason rian johnson chose to go for that reveal was that it was the only answer that was interesting. none of the theories - rey is a skywalker, rey is a kenobi, and even the eventually canonical rey is a palpatine - were interesting or satisfying because they brought nothing compelling to the table for the story being told. the only satisfaction to be gained from those answers was a fanbrained "omg rey is important because she's related to that guy from the other movie." on top of that, rey desperately wants her parents to have been important, to give her life and her abandonment some kind of significance. so them being ordinary provided the most compelling trajectory for her character because it was the thing she least wanted to hear. it forced her to do the most introspection and growth, as well as tying into the film's themes about the capacity of ordinary people to be special. it wasn't just a choice made to "gotcha" the viewer, it was rooted in character.
i don't think ruby's mother being ordinary accomplishes the same thing. by invoking susan, s14 is engaging with the most egregious example of the doctor's streak of abandonment, which has potential to be very compelling in relation to ruby (and now also the doctor's) own abandonment issues. theories that ruby might be susan, or be somehow related to susan, or somehow related to the doctor, weren't just fanbrained "omg she's related to that guy i know from the classic series." they were theories genuinely rooted in character and the potential to explore both the doctor and ruby's issues with abandonment. and this is something the show willingly led fans towards by invoking susan so much in the first place. so for the show to turn around and act like they were shallow out of nowhere ideas when they were not shallow and were based on potential character conflicts the show itself deliberately invoked, feels misguided.
as well as that, ruby's mother being ordinary does not require that same growth from ruby as it did for rey because it is exactly what ruby wanted to hear. she never wanted her mother to be important, she just wanted to know who her mother was and have a connection with her. so finding out she was a normal woman who still loves her and wants to be a part of her life is everything she's ever wanted. it doesn't introduce interesting conflict for her the way rey's parents being ordinary did for her, because they were written as different characters with different hangups over their abandonment.
tl;dr i don't necessarily dislike ruby's mother being ordinary as an idea but compared to the things it was inspired by - 7b and star wars - it is not nearly as compelling in terms of how it relates to the characters or themes. and the meta angle, while conceptually interesting, doesn't quite work for me because it feels a little manipulative of the audience.
#blahs#dw#dw spoilers#like to be clear i'm not necessarily saying ruby's mother SHOULD have turned out to be susan#i'm saying that if it was always going to be an ordinary woman then rtd should've constructed a better arc around that#bc for the one he did write it's not that compelling of an answer. it doesn't really move anyone forward except maybe the doctor himself#bc the doctor is now sad that ruby has what he can never find#like yeah okay that's interesting... next season. and for the doctor. but not really for ruby!! and not for s14 as a whole!!#and like pulling the rug out of a mystery like this is something moffat also did a lot#like invoking the name of the doctor only to not reveal it or teasing the hybrid as a big alien villain only for it to be twelveclara#but the thing about those is that moffat never makes the answer that he rejects genuinely compelling#like he rejects learning the doctor's name bc there is nothing compelling about knowing it and he never tries to make you think there is#he rejects the hybrid as a warrior alien bc there's nothing compelling about that and he doesn't try to make you think there is#i feel subversive moffat mysteries are always leading you towards why the answer he gives you is the most compelling one#which i don't think s14 accomplishes. instead it's like haha! tricked you! your genuinely interesting theories are silly and dumb!#idk. i see the vision but i don't think it was handled with a deft hand so it ended up kind of a mess that didn't land imo
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clara reaching back into the unknown darkness for several long, agonizing seconds "i'm right please god say i'm right" AND THEN SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the core of their relationship plays out right there: clara can and will defy death, and the doctor will always save clara, even when it seems impossible. (and it's crucial that this is the first really doctor-y moment he has as twelve.) the growth and distortion of these fundamental beliefs drive the two of them to their eventual end.
#going through deep breath induced madness here on this day#that shot of her reaching out into the unknown darkness. yeah it's bouncing around my brain like a windows screensaver#something about it makes me so. like. you can physically FEEL the nothingness there and the desperation+fear she has. whew#also “i'm right aren't i say i'm right” and thats when he grabs her. Where do i even begin with that#clara oswald#twelfth doctor#twelveclara#doctor who#dw#clara + dr#**
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nobody grows up wrong
Doctor Who - Space Babies
#he really said “ME! by Taylor Swift feat. Brendon Urie”#context for my non doctor who followers who are kindly tolerating this: yeah that baby is the captain of a spaceship don't worry about it#I'm just gonna go ahead and tag this as#autism#because I know that you all will#doctor who#space babies#fifteenth doctor#15th doctor#ncuti gatwa
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trying to enjoy my silly little time traveling sci-fi show while clara and the doctor say the most devastating things to and about each other every other episode like my god
If the Doctor is still the Doctor, he will have my back.
Clara, I'm not your boyfriend. // I never thought you were. // I never said it was your mistake.
Please, just...Just see me.
Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?
Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve.
There was one other man. But it would've never worked out. He was impossible.
When do I not see you?
Die with whoever comes after me, you do not leave me.
I don't care about your rules, or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back.
Immortality isn't living forever, that's not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can't bear to lose. That happens, I believe.
I let Clara Oswald get inside my head, trust me, she doesn't leave.
Longest month of my life. // It could only have been five minutes. // I'll be the judge of time.
I will die, and no one else here or anywhere will suffer. // What about me?
Everything you're about to say, I already know. don't do it now, we've already had enough bad timing.
Don't run. Stay with me.
I was lost a long time ago, she was saving you.
If you think because she is dead I'm weak, then you understand very little. If you were any part of killing her and you're not afraid, then you understand nothing at all.
The day you lose someone isn't the worst...it's all the days they stay dead.
I'd know you anywhere.
What were you bargaining for? // What do you think? You.
If she says so.
I had a duty of care.
People like me and you, we should say things to one another.
Look how far I went, for fear of losing you.
You said "memories become stories when we forget them." Maybe some of them become songs.
hand in unlovable hand
#also of course any iteration of 'my clara'#or that line in before the flood where bennett is like 'youre just doing this to save clara' and the doctor is like 'yeah? and?'#like even w/ 11 we start to see just how far the doctor will go for her but 12 really drops the pretense that he cares about anyone but her#just finished a rewatch of Clara's episodes and feeling the entire spectrum of human emotion about them#may I one day experience a love half as insane as theirs#clara jumping into his time stream means they have 900+ years of inextricably linked history whether they know it or not like....#yeah i'd be unhinged about you too#everyone say 'thank you missy' for bringing these two together and nearly causing the destruction of the universe#doctor who#clara oswald#doctorclara#I'm not ready to start Bill's episodes what happens to her makes me physically ill#twelveclara
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No, never. Missy! I will never stand with Doctor!
#simm!master#missy#gomez!master#tenth doctor#twelfth doctor#doctor x master#doctor who#dwedit#dw#*#not even trying to consistently color this one soz ✌️#so i was thinking abt the change in simm!master's attitude from eot (“get out of the way”) to s10 (“i will never stand with the doctor”)...#and like. what if you voluntarily saved the doctor by throwing yourself back into the time war#the war that you made yourself human to escape from the first time round#dragged back to gallifrey at the mercy of the ppl who you just opposed? (the people who engineered your insanity in the first place?)#when missy asks him to go to gallifrey with her & 12 says ''you'll be clapped irons'' yeah i'm sure it was a great deal more than that#for the deserter. for the person who they cursed as a child & still failed to bring about their salvation#for the someone who tried to kill the founder of all time lord society#and then when gallifrey is saved... does the doctor (again: whose life you saved!!! when you last saw each other) come looking for you? no#you have to get yourself out. and when you find yourself trapped & the doctor finally does appear... what does he say to you?#''so they cured your little condition and kicked you out'' !!!!#like. yeah. i think simm!master is totally in the right for not listening to a single thing 12 says past that point. lmao.
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RTD: Fifteen is emotionally available :) fifteen, unlike past doctors, isn't afraid to talk about his feelings!!
Fifteen, nonchalantly shrugging off his whirlwind romance sacrificing himself to endless torture to save ruby sunday and the world, with a cheerful smile: I have to be like this because this is what I'm like.
#rtd what were you SMOKING#i love 15 but 'able to talk about his feelings' does NOT describe him#like. maybe when they're happy feelings#but otherwise?#literally giving 11 a run for his money on the emotional repression game#and that's HARD TO DO#yeah I'm happy. btw all my people are dead#my planet's gone#my friends are also dead and I'm alone in the universe :)#let's not talk about that! hey look at the thing doesn't it make you happy! I'm happy!! (what if I'm the bad luck?) tehe :)#gotta keep moving on! let's go!! ten seconds looking at the sunset is long enough!#ndw.2#dw#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#rogue#rogue spoilers#also all of the episodes#lavender thoughts
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In a little over a week we'll find out if we're about to have our first female president or live in Gilead.
To all my American readers who are adults and able to vote: please. Please vote. For the love of god, please. I can't fucking do this again.
#meanwhile musk is literally buying votes and trumpers are sabotaging the mail#and nothing is being done of course#that guy who has predicted the outcome of every election correctly predicted a harris win so there's that#(he was technically wrong in 2000 but i don't really count that against him because recounts did show that gore won)#(he couldn't have predicted the gop would intentionally stall the florida recount until the election was certified)#and this is the first election after he attempted a coup a TON of republicans are voting blue#and a ton of women are voting blue because of rvw#i just worry she won't win in the right places#or that they'll just declare trump the winner anyway#i have a pap smear later this week honestly think i'm going to ask my doctor for like a week's prescription of xanax#anyway yeah sorry it's been hard to write when my country might implode soon#vote blue so fai can get back to writing about ninja turtles and not worry about being sent to a lib reeducation camp
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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.
same disability (waving hand emoji)
Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me
#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work#been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes#just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it#it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL#but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely#and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it#so. hi anon you're not alone#also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL#mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members#or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah#but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one#good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders#and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way#sending you love#asks#anon
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So, I was rewatching clips of a Church on Ruby Road, and I got to one of the ending, specifically: the clip where it's revealed Mrs Flood can see the camera and goes "Never seen a Tardis before?"
But I realized something. And I don't know if I'm just immensely late on this but I've literally seen no one else talk about it, but check this out
She's looking into the camera. She's looking directly at it while Abdul has a crisis about it disappearing. SHE LITERALLY MOVES CLOSER TO HIM TO GET A BETTER LOOK AT THE CAMERA.
What the fuck.
#doctor who#mrs flood#the church on ruby road#doctor who spoilers#probably don't need to tag that but I'm being safe rather then sorry#i saw it in a thumbnail for the clip on yt and i was like#is she fucking looking at the camera#yeah she was#it's the fact she moves to get a better view of it that breaks me#WHO ARE YOU#she can't be anyone we know#or anyone who knows the doctor#otherwise she probably wouldn't have gotten upset about it being parked there#like any companion who sees a police box in the middle of the street#would immediately go 'ah the doctor's botched the parking job'#but she only reacts after seeing it move#meaning she likely only recognizes it as 'a tardis' or at least has only heard about 'the tardis' and not what it looks like
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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My doctor: Hey yeah that's not normal I don't think it's an issue with your hip
Me: Oh?
My doctor: It's an issue with your spine
Me: OH
#Literally the first thing he said was 'You shouldn't be in this much pain from a labrum tear'#'Yeah I'm p sure it has to do with your back'#Me: Everything makes sense now......#This actually adds up bc I've always had shitty back issues. Lmao#Luckily I don't need surgery!! Unluckily I need to get another MRI! Kill me! :)#If the last MRI didn't bankrupt me this one DEFINITELY will#Also he did say I have a weak hip so I gotta do physical therapy#We'll see how that goes;;#Right now I'm fine bc I haven't even been billed for the first MRI yet. But I know as soon as I get the bill#I will be a HOT mess#Not looking forward to that#Anyway I'm glad this doctor seems to know what he's talking about. And from the get go too#Can't believe it took this fucking long to narrow it down to 'possible spine/back issue' tho#Godddd. I'm so tired#He prescribed me some heavy anti-inflammatory drugs so hopefully that helps with the pain a bit#Lies down#I need a nap bro. Lol#Shima speaks
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favourite dynamic: a trained professional killer and a psychopath with her 1200 year old funny talking thing who's wearing a bowtie
#doctor who#eleventh doctor#artwork#river song#river and the doctor#they're sooo silly your honour I'm going feral about them lmao#also cats#yeah that's what we do when you don't know how to draw humans properly#you put a warrior cats fan into any other fandom#and suddenly everyone is a cat
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As much as I'm a Pharma apologist he is genuinely an asshole who acts completely unrepentant so something I think about for an eventual Pharma redemption fic is like. How do you write a redemption for a severely traumatized guy whose coping mechanism is to act like he doesn't care and the people who need to accept him don't like/care about him enough to go "hey it's okay everyone gets a second chance" and/or "wow Pharma is so radically different what caused that change."
But also like it's really hard to help someone who has no desire to/refuses to be helped and makes himself deliberately unpleasant to be around so like idk
#in the end i think what it comes down to is no one asked WHY#no one looked at pharma's before and after and went 'how did that happen'#even when other ppl talk about pharma's change it's always in such like a. passive way#'before he went mad and started killing patients' yeah and what made him go mad exactly?#everyone just kinda talks about pharma like 'yeah he used to be great then he started killing people'#i know he's a minor character but LITERALLY NO ONE ASKS WHY#and like let me emphasize multiple people say 'for most of his life he was a good doctor' or something#no one was like 'yeah i always knew pharma was a piece of shit'#(besides ratchet telling him he was always a terrible autobot but i think that was a heat of the moment thing)#pharma apologism#like it's just absurd how everyone goes 'yeah pharma went insane. pity' but no one ever brings up why#i know it's just authorial accidentally writing a deep character but not having time to acknowledge it#but like when i think of in universe explanations for why the autobots would be like this#the only explanations are that ppl either already hated pharma (not supported by evidence)#or that the autobots just really hate traitors. which seems more likely given like. how getaway was treated#this is basically the one time i understand autobot slander bc when i think about it i'm kinda like#yeah the average autobot is kind of sanctimonious and thinks ppl less moral than them are pieces of shit#whereas to contrast the decepticons are kind of just not concerned about morality and more about their dogma#accidental cross faction comparison in the notes
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