#yeah I am very normal about all that actually
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Redwall Piece supernovas lineup! I am going to yap about them under the cut, but if you want to enjoy just these drawings that's fine! 😊
Okay okay! So, some of these we've seen before but honestly I didn't talk a lot about my assignments and I want to and you know what it's my blog and I should indulge myself! I'll go in order :)
Alright there's fox hawkins, who I've posted before! My reasoning for this one is pretty simple - foxes in redwall are tricky, yes, but they also tend to be seers and fortune tellers! I felt that suited Hawkins' vibe very well. Honestly his is a pretty simple assignment.

Next is Zoro and Luffy and I'm partial to them so here's a picture of just them. Zoro is a badger, and Luffy's a weasel.
Zoro's was the biggest no-brainer of all time. Even if you don't know Redwall I think badger suits him as an animal. In redwall they're generally immensely powerful, somewhat solitary, and most importantly some of 'em have got a very fun affliction called bloodwrath, where when they get very angry in the heat of battle their eyes turn blood red and their vision is overtaken by a red haze and they go totally berserk! Yay! I really like that for Zoro. There's the fun stress revolving around loss of control along with his intense need to protect his friends. Also, his stripe is green. Why? Maybe he rolled in grass. Maybe it's mold. Maybe he was born that way. Yes, Sanji makes fun of it.
Now, Luffy. Luffy's a weasel, and in Redwall the creatures have... archetypes, sort of. There are "Vermin" and there are "Woodlanders" and for the most part these roles are bad and good respectively, with very few grey characters, or characters who break this mold. Weasels are always, always, evil. Now I'm not an elementary schooler so I'm rejecting that, to an extent. Luffy's more textbook selfish, here, and probably a bit more of an asshole, too, but he hoards his friends just as obsessively as in canon! He's less sympathetic towards people he doesn't know, too. Also, I can just imagine him flopping down and twisting and running circles around all his friends and I think that's very cute.

Killer and Kid!!!
So, originally, I had intended to make them both rats. However it was brought to my attention Killer is based off a yokai called kamaitachi, which is a weasel with sickle claws. I liked that a lot, so I sort of channeled it here. His punishers don't spin, but still they're fun. I made him look much more like a stereotypical cartoon weasel than I have for any other mustelid I've drawn, because I really liked the vibe for him.
As for Kid, he just makes a fantastic Massive Rat. Rats, of course, are pretty much fully evil in Redwall, unless they're too stupid to be evil, which happened one time across 22 books. That's fine because Kid is pretty evil. Pirates in redwall are all vermin, so I felt making these pirates vermin wouldn't be so bad.

Drake and Law!
Honestly Drake was mostly just my gut instinct. He's a redhead. Squirrels are red. Squirrels also make pretty brave warriors it seems. They're also "good" creatures, which I think works well with Drake's whole SWORD deal. That blue looks very nice with his orange fur in my opinion. I adore how he turned out.
Law I've drawn before. He's just such a great ferret. Yes, ferrets are evil. But Law's a little evil too so that's fine. I actually gave him his hat this time, good for him!

Bonney and Bege!
Bonney is a hedgehog. Why? I liked it. I think Bonney being able to roll into a spiky ball is fantastic. Hedgehogs are "good" creatures, of course. Also I love her i love her so much. Her spikes are pinkish because well I wanted them to be. Whoever guessed Bonney and Kuma were the badger father and adoptive hedgehog daughter yeah you were right. I'm normal.
Bege's a shrew! Most shrews are "good," with a handful of exceptions. They usually run in groups of a bunch of shrews, generally on rivers. I also took some inspiration from that one shrew from zootopia because that felt somewhat similar.

Lastly, Apoo and Urouge!
Apoo I've drawn before, he's a goose! Some geese have funny poofy feathers on their head. He has that. The brown is not feathers, but rather something kind of like hair extensions, made from... I dunno. Something brown, obviously. Apoo honks at people and chases them and he's really annoying.
Urouge was.... hard. He's the only supernova without much screentime. I wanted him to be a bird but my options were limited... so I settled on a sparrow. Why? I dunno. They're pretty good warriors so he has that going for him. I think visually he turned out cute even if his species choice feels the weakest.
That's about all I have to say thank you. Any questions or comments or suggestions? Send me asks!!! I never shut up!!!!
#one piece#redwall piece#11 supernovas#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#basil hawkins#killer one piece#eustass kid#x drake#trafalgar law#jewelry bonney#scratchmen apoo#urouge#hunt yapping#my art
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Hey there!! Do you still do react asks? If so...
How would the ROs react to overhearing Mc gush about them to someone? Very obviously crushing. Unprompted. Just got an occasion to talk about RO and did. Third party is suffering through this.
Viel: Couldn't stop himself from saying a retort, but his face grew red as he kept talking, eyes can't seem to meet yours and maybe, just maybe, that third person would become collateral damage as they witnessed you and Viel bickering.
"Yeah, right. You better shut your mouth- You damned- Don't look at me like that! What was that look for? Looking for a fight aren't you?!"
Nora: Would be horrified lol. Briefly wondered if you were being sarcastic or if you were making fun of her. When she realizes that you were speaking genuinely, she would keep quiet to listen to you talk, a smile growing on her lips. The only one that would NOT say anything about it to you.
"Why am I staring at you? Heh, it's nothing. Just thought you're cute, that's all."
Ylfa: Teases you mercilessly for it. Might attempt to roped the third-party into roasting you over it as well depending on who it was. This would probably go on for a few days, and then nothing. A few weeks pass until you forgot about it, and THEN she'll bring it up again.
"Oh you love me so much didn't you? You think I'm so pretty, and so good at song-writing- What? You didn't say the last part? You did! You wanna kiss me so bad, didn't you?"
Aen'frie: Calculatively watches the third-party's expression, taking note of what you were gushing about to IMPROVE + do more of the things you like about them. Depending on what you said, might even ask you for a more in-depth explanation from you 😭 by asking you DIRECTLY about it.
"So... I heard you say something about me yesterday. Just wanted to inquire further on that- Why are you all red? Anyway, I can you elaborate on what you meant when you said-"
The Cook: Cocky af!! Would quietly walk over behind you, arms crossed, listening intently. They would also watch the third-party's growing horror with glee as you kept on going, waiting until you actually noticed him to say anything.
"Why did you stop? I was listening to that. Keep going."
Caine: The pathetic prince would pretend to not hear you 😭 sorry. It'll keep playing over and over in his head, he'll be reminded of it every time he sees you, face feeling hot as the words play again in his mind. Would not act normally around you for a while.
"Oh! It's uhhh... It's you. Me? I'm fine, why? I'm not- huh? Is somewhing wrong? What were you saying?"
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I don't really do my homework lol, so when I get home I have some time; and sleep is overrated anyways /hj (i mean if I got 5 hours of sleep last night i'm impressed lol)
When I do do homework, usually i do some time management where I pop on tumblr as a little break
Actually rn I'm technically attempting to do homework, I have to "find a question for the 'big oral' (yes it's called that) at the end of the year" actually 2 questions but 1 would already be nice and i either need one on biology (or geology but no way lol) and one on art, or 2 that mix both biology and art
And the thing is, you prepare two of these things just so they can make sure you worked, but you'll only present one, and honestly for most normal students, yeah, this is worth 10% of the final grade, but for me it's something like 10/160 instead of 10/100
If you want me to rant way more about this stupid fucking thing, I am more than capable lol
Anyways
i lived an hour away by bus and i was not about to stay when i had no lessons and i also had no friends to do ts with --> oh yeah that's not at all encouraging to do extracurriculars
Honestly I wouldn't actually mind doing stuff, but I don't really have the time to lol
Philosophy is absolutely up to personal opinion, but they also grade your ability to talk fancy, and the thing is I'm (most likely) autistic so I just write plain and simple things without really bullshitting my way through SEVEN FUCKING PAGES (I tend to do like 3 max) and they aren't happy
My teacher is absolutely terrible cause throughout the year my best grade was 14/20 (don't ask why our grades [in france, not just in philosophy] are out of 20, I have no idea lol), usually I got more 5/20 lol. And if I got 5/20 but with a bunch of comments saying, "oh, maybe do this", or "you could mention this", I'd be like 'ok so i have an idea of how to improve now ty'
but no, we got a test back today and I got 5/20 and he wrote: "Insufficient" at the top of my test, he quoted the methodology at me, he circled a reference I put without adding any comments, and he signed the paper like he did all the others. Useful dude.
[I mentioned harry potter because LITERALLY ALL THE PEOPLE with better teachers I TALKED TO said that drawing on personal knowledge and/or pop culture is a good way to go (one of my friends who has a different teacher literally got recommended a book on philosophy through a harry potter lens BY HER TEACHER), however my incompetent teacher apparently hates that]
in a modicum of fairness to him, I haven't listened to most of the classes since like september, but that's because in September I listened, took notes, and understood nothing; and I chose to write smut in class instead, or do homework, or sew stuff because at least that's more useful.
(we often have strike days where our absences are justified, so you can get away with not going to class [they do tell your parents though]; and one strike day, I was planning on going home anyways cause my back hurt, and a friend and I went to a café down the street instead of going to philosophy, and we got a lot more work done than if we'd gone to the philosophy class.)
(he teaches as if we were students in higher education who all chose to do philosophy and already know a bunch of things, and all he has to do is encourage us to think of some things and to offer some more authors; I believe at the beginning of the year he was like "oh yeah so you should do about an hour or two of reading [philosophical books] per week" and there is no way I'm reading in french [despite having lived here my whole life, I generally abhor reading in french lol] about topics I don't understand in the slightest, written in overcomplicated language by dudes who died centuries ago every week)
(he forgets most of us encountered philosophy with him)
very quick drawing lol
okay very important question did you take history or geography in school?

nope😓�� French, art, and food tech
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Day 5 of killjoys week - Hopeful lies
An easy plan, really
quickly in, quickly out
grab the child and be five feet high before they notice you're gone
So why do my hands tremble when I count the beads around my wrist
again and again and again
trying to send a prayer to a god I don't believe in
Why do I hug my brothers tighter than usual
seeing broken hope in their eyes
and I know the same is in mine
they smile but their lips drip poison and blood
and I
I smile back
because everything is gonna be fine
we are always fine
always
But why do I feel a clawed hand on my shoulder
grip I shake off
instead white walls outstretching their piercing embrace
air leaving my lungs and turning into fog in front of my face
So I strap the holster to my thigh
and grin to root fear in Saturn's heart
because killjoys never die
and we have destiny covering our backs
#can you tell I have lots of feeling about the fab four and them lived on promises of fake future living too fast because they can never die#until they can and them believing they are immortal because they are stupid kids and everyone treats them that way#and when they realise their mistake they are already nothing but angels fallen onto cold tile floor in pools of blood#and also how I believe they knew they were about to die but also believed they weren't and that they would get out like always#yeah I am very normal about all that actually#also can we talk about how the radio crew was ready as plan B because that is uh.. a lot actually#anyway I am sorry I am too tired to draw and well I cannot put it into picture either tbh so you get whatever this is instead#killjoys week 2023#ttlotfk#ttlofk#danger days#my posts
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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forever hilarious to me that tennis is promoted as this prestigious highbrow big-brain sport when most tennis fans these days are like. yeah this is my favorite player. yeah i don't know why they're like that. yes they are stupid. no i will not choose somebody else.
#wta tennis#atp tennis#i feel like the era of...shall we say 'federer-esque' players is waning#which i think can in part be related to the loss of the one-handed-backhand#as the sport moves more toward a necessity for fitness and athleticism players do not put as much emphasis on 'art'#which imo is fine! i think the 'art' of tennis is too protected in some ways. which i maybe will expand on later.#but i think it's too much for the tags of a (mostly) silly post#but yeah you can hear a lot of commentators touch on it#i know nadal even said something abt it recently(ish)#but i think as tennis is gradually less associated with this abstract 'image' (e.g. the obsession with federer's 'grace' and 'class')#players are coming in thinking 'this is a physical battle and i am going to win' and very much leaning into the *competition*#which not to say that they're ignoring/denying the mental aspects at all because i actually do think many players are very strategic/aware#and in truth i think many tennis players ARE actually very smart#but i also think it's less apparent because more and more players are able to just hit the shit out of the ball and call it a day#which leaves you with the occasional shot/point/game/set/match etc where it seems like they don't know what the fuck they're doing#but you think about most sports which evolve in phases#it's very normal for certain player profiles to become more or less popular as the landscape of the sport changes#or as new techniques/strategies are developed#or as new communities/populations become interested!#extreme example but think of like. high jump's fosbury flop. that was one guy!#one guy who changed the entire fucking sport! so it makes perfect sense that tennis is continuing to evolve#given how many unique players have come and gone#and how much the sport is changing externally as well as internally#anyways. this got out of hand but i love sports and i love tennis and i love my brainless players.#this whole post was inspired by rewatching sabalenka v boulter and aryna completely missed an overhead by like five feet. lol#love her <3
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imagine you're luce, and you're born the heir to a mafia family. you're mafia-born, and so of course also mafia-raised, and then also a donna-to-be. you're raised to be able to take on the role, to be good and capable at it, are taught to make one of your core beliefs about how the many must come before the few, because the family must always come first. you're going to be the donna, of course you must always prioritize the family above all else, it's your foremost and most important duty.
if caring about the few too comes at the price of the many, comes at the price of the family, is it even worth it? if the happiness gained from it comes at the price of a greater suffering for others, is there even any meaning to it, even if it's your happiness we're talking about? you understand, don't you?
you're not sure if you do, but you care about your family, love it, want to do right by it once you become their donna, so you nod, listen and learn.
(you don't have to be taught the pain and loss and guilt and anger and bitterness is a fair price to pay for the pain you decide has to be inflicted and the sacrifices you decide must be made, including by yourself. it's the least you could do, even.)
imagine you're luce, and the gift of foresight runs through your blood.
you would not call it a gift. you did not ask for it either. and you'll never come to see it as something wanted by you.
you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course it's exactly the way you wanted it to go. you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course you didn't care to try hard enough to change it. you saw the future before the shape of it had yet to be breathed into existence, and who's to say it didn't come into existence only because you saw it happen? you saw the future, and it happened worse than it had to for it.
you can see the future, but you still can't make it anything else than what it was always going to be. you can even make the visions happen at your will, but you still have no say on what you see or how much you see. you still can only be the witness of it before anyone else can.
it does mean double and longer the happiness sometimes, means relief and gratefulness and hope beyond words, and it'd be cruel of you to voice out loud your feelings for others to hear the many more times it means something else.
you can see the future, and it doesn't make it any kinder on you than on anyone else, does not give you any more power or control over it than anyone else, but at least you can see the future. you're given the time to make peace with it, to brace yourself for it, to bargain with it, to plead and beg and fight against it however desperately and hopelessly, even if in the end it still happens exactly as you saw it would.
(you can see the future, and it still doesn't hurt you any less than anyone else when it happens, but you don't expect anymore for anyone to hold you any less responsible for it anyway. it would be nice for someone to do it one day, but you understand.)
you can see the future, and you decide it's a kindness to both yourself and others to keep it for yourself as much as possible whenever you can.
imagine you're luce, and your family has this set of rings they've looked after and protected for as long as your family has existed. they're one set of three of the most important artifacts in the world, ones that help in safeguarding its existence and balance. they're duty, the very first one and the most important one your family was created for.
the pacifier around your mother's neck is duty too, and the most important and powerful artifact among twenty-one in safeguarding the world and its balance. it's been passed down in your family too, from mother to daughter. it's duty, but less tied to your family and much more to the blood running through your veins. it's a curse, in fact, as it demands heavy sacrifices the rings don't, and one that can only be tied to the blood running through your veins.
(your mother looks at you as if expecting some kind of reaction from you, and you can only wonder at which point you weren't supposed to see it as a given. duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for a long time now. is it even duty if it doesn't require any sacrifices from you?)
imagine you're luce, and your mother dies for duty. she's the donna, and so she dies for your family. she's the sky arcobaleno, and so she dies for the world. she's your mother, but she dies anyway, doesn't fight it either, even knowing she will leave you behind, even knowing she won't ever get to see what you look like all grown-up.
everywhere you look, duty stares back at you, from your mother and the pacifier around her neck, her love for your family and the life she gives up for it, her love for you and how she dies anyway while you're still only a child. duty, from your family members and how they die for you and kill for you, how they do both at your command, how their lives are in the palms of your hands and how they weigh only as much as you allow them to at a time. duty, from the knowledge your foresight gives you and the shackles tied to the blood running through your veins.
your mother's only duty while she lives too. she loves you, but she'd have had to give birth to you anyway even if she didn't. she loves you, but she still gave birth to you even knowing the kind of life you'd have to live, the kind of hands you'd inevitably end up with, the burdens she'd have to lay on your shoulders, passing them down from her own. because she loves you, she finds the resolve to raise you to be able to face all of it head-on and come out on top, but she'd have had to raise you much the same way anyway even if she didn't.
(she doesn't die for you, doesn't fight to be able to keep living with you, and this, too, is your mother surrendering to duty one last time.)
(you're so sick of it, so angry at it, so hateful and resentful against it. you're so stifled by it to the point you've stopped being able to breathe for a long time now. or you would have been if they had taught you how to face duty in this way too.
it's for the better they didn't. a silver lining, sparing you pain that isn't necessary for you to go through. everyone you turn to only teaches you how to keep holding your breath longer, and you listen and learn, obedient and dutiful as you've ever been.
you're grateful for it too. really, you are.)
everywhere you look, there's no room for you to so much as question any of it, let alone anything more. duty is commendable, something you ought to look up to and strive towards, strive to achieve. duty is the right thing to do. of course it is.
(you exhale a breath of relief that shakes you down to your very core.
thank god, it's at least the right thing to do.
you're grateful for it beyond words. really, you are.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know the choice you'll make when climbing that mountain, when standing on top of it, when waiting for a bright light to shine down on you from above. you know the choice you'll make then, even when pregnant with your daughter.
it doesn't matter since how long you knew, be it years, months, days, hours or minutes before. all that matters is that before you can even contemplate the idea of making another choice and all its implications and possible consequences, before the thought can even come alive in your mind, you already know the choice you'll make.
(you can see the future, but just because you already saw it, it doesn't mean it's now set in stone.
you can see the future, but just because you're given the chance to fight to change it, it doesn't mean it still won't happen every bit like you saw it.
it doesn't mean it can't still happen even worse than how you first saw it happen because you fought to change it, no matter how already dreadful it originally was.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know they'll be others with you standing on top of that mountain. you're the only one who'll know it before it happens.
(because you can see the future.
and oh, you did not ask for it.)
they're strangers, people you don't owe anything to. adults who choose to show up at the first meeting, and to show up to every following mission after that. the chosen seven, whose ambitions and prides lead them to walk the path of the seven strongest too once laid down in front of them.
you don't force their hands in making any of those choices for them. you're not responsible for any of them.
you become coworkers then, accomplices, your hands stained in blood to various extent, but now dipping in the same pool of blood as you strive towards the same goal together. you have each other's backs, learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, learn each other's personalities, likes and dislikes. you keep having to spend more time together as the missions keep coming your way.
inevitably, you come to care about them. even more damning, they come to care about you in return. enough so they'll look after your daughter even after what'll happen on top of that mountain. enough so they'll look after your granddaughter too, warmly and fondly enough she'll call one of them uncle.
you're still the only one who knows they'll stand together with you on top of that mountain, not knowing what'll happen on it like you do.
and you do care about them, you swear you do. really, you do.
(you care about them the same way your mother cared about you, and how she still raised you to have steel in you and be made of sharp edges you know how to use. you care about them the same way you care about your family, and how you still send them to their deaths as needed so the rest of your family you care about just the same can keep on living longer and safely. this is the only way you've had the chance to learn how to care and love.
duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for as long as you can remember. it doesn't matter at which point sacrifices came to mean love to you too.
and most of all, you love your daughter more than anything else in the world.)
imagine you're luce, and this is who you are. this is who you've been raised to be, the only way you've been given room to grow up to be. this is the life you've lived and the kind of life that has shaped you as the person you are now. this is what you've been taught and told is the best version of yourself you could have grown up to be. this is who you ended up being by what you've been taught and told are all the right choices to make.
you're still the only one who knows what is about to happen on top of that mountain. it hasn't happened yet. the fate of the world hangs on what'll happen on top of that mountain, the same world you'll have to give birth to your daughter in. the same daughter you're currently pregnant with.
now imagine you're luce, look me in the eye and tell me you'd know how to even form the thought of the possibility of there being any other choice to make. look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't look at the only choice in front of you, and know deep in your bones it's the only right choice to make. that it is right of you to make it. because it simply has to be.
(imagine you're luce, and you're not doomed by the narrative. of course, you're not.
why would you need to be when the narrative has painstakingly shaped you all your life to become its perfect, faithful and dutiful sacrificial lamb?
and then, imagine you're luce, and you're even grateful for it, so, so very grateful it held up its end of the bargain too.
truly, you are.)
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr meta#khr headcanons#khr luce#khr arcobaleno#arcobaleno curse#sky arcobaleno#this post is first and foremost for the luce stans girlies#so maybe like. the whole five of us tops 😌#everyone else is also welcome to interact with this post but yes i am a luce stan who's very pro she didn't ever do anything wrong ever#and i know that and i love her for it <3#but also this is not a 'this is why you should love luce too actually' post#or even a 'this is why you should forgive her for the choices she made actually' post#like i totally get how and why one can dislike/hate her. genuinely#but this is a 'you totally lose me if you then follow up by saying she still doesn't deserve understanding or compassion or sympathy or#even pity' post#i mean come on. she WAS standing on top of that mountain too. she bore the curse just the same as them. was as much a victim of it as the#rest of them. in fact the sky arco curse is arguably the WORST of them all so like. yeah#the sky arco but luce specifically to me is such a tragic character is what this post is about#definitely not enough for her to be considered as doomed by the narrative but like#the narrative was in need of (seven) someone to take one for the team and tho it did choose luce without asking for her opinion about it#/she/ then decided that the best course of action was for her to /let/ herself become perfect for the job and like???#i just love thinking about the implications of it and how she might have ended up with that kind of mentality#my girl has never been okay a day in her life and i also will never be normal about it <3#also i might also post this one on ao3 in the following days so it can reach like. maybe a whole two more luce stan girlies 😌
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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“og 4 aliens very particular vibe in being ‘three distinct flavours of socially awkward loner and also valentino rossi’” LMAO I WAS JUST THINKING THIS!!!!!! That he has the funniest possible 3 foils in that era bc like…those three guys could not be less his vibe ~personality wise if they tried. And actually tbf I do think they WERE trying a lot of the time. Feeling very curious if you think there’s anything to the idea of how Marc was the first alien-era rival he had who was more on his level all around? Like early days Marc was kind of just 😀😀😀 all the time but I do think he can be v charming and is clearly extroverted as hell (tho like…notably also a loner but like…not by choice??). Like idk where im going w this but the contrast is interesting to me. IDK
to some extent! I'm not sure I'd necessarily call marc an extrovert, you can be charismatic and cheerful without being an extrovert - but also this is splitting hairs. the og four aliens are one guy who's on the 'roughly as extroverted as you can possibly get as a professional athlete' end of the spectrum and three guys who are on the 'roughly as introverted as you can possibly get as a professional athlete' end. now, tbh, I don't think valentino massively minded this. he's extroverted but crucially he's also got enough charm going for him that he could get his rivals to chat with him if he was so inclined. he had an increasingly friendly relationship with dani, there's real genuine warmth in how both of them talk about each other - ultimately dani might have been quite sullen and withdrawn in general, especially in his early years, but he got on well with valentino. casey and valentino had perfectly decent interpersonal chemistry, they got on well, and tbh they were still warm with each in-person long past the point where that relationship had rhetorically soured. with jorge... I mean, okay, no chemistry there, but that was also very much valentino's choice. I do not fundamentally doubt valentino's ability to charm twenty year old jorge lorenzo. I think just because they were DIFFERENT characters, that doesn't necessarily mean they weren't valentino's *type* personality-wise, like he does seem to be happy enough to be the chatty one who draws them out of their shells in that scenario. unless competitive necessity requires otherwise!! but as marc discovered, somewhat higher levels of extroversion does not protect you if that's the case
I will say I know you do put alien-era as a caveat, but it is still important to point out that marc is very much not the first valentino rival who doesn't fall in the introverted loner camp. valentino had a rival who matched his vibe!! who he had a real proper off-track friendship with, who he went on holidays with, who he had a warm relationship with for substantially longer than the marc/valentino honeymoon lasted. I think you can see the early marc era as a bit of a return to the friendlier vibes of the early noughties, but crucially it is a return. the early noughties was the last gasp before the sport came to be completely dominated by a bunch of young prodigies who had been moulded into perfect athletes and had less chance to grow into people outside of the sport - valentino is already part of that camp in everything but temperament, cf the contrast with biaggi. in the early noughties, he was surrounded by a bunch of older riders who varied dramatically in disposition... biaggi was the guy everyone had issues with, capirossi was always fond of valentino, kr jr he got on well with, he played a mentoring role for in hayden's rookie season... and of course, most importantly, the friendship with sete - now there's an obscenely friendly rivalry right until the very moment when it isn't. 2013-14 is a bit of a return to that more congenial climate, but at the end of the day that lot were still less likely to socialise than riders were back in the day. they just didn't have the time lol
so yeah, I mean. valentino clearly did take to marc on a personal level, and marc is definitely closer to valentino on the introversion/extroversion spectrum than the three other aliens are. though that is also... not difficult. there is something quite funny about how 2006-07 went from valentino's pov. the engine regs changed, valentino literally blinked and suddenly all his opps were toddlers. went from goofing off with capirossi on the sepang 2006 podium to running a daycare centre overnight. and marc is part of that! it's also a massive change in that suddenly, valentino was surrounded by rivals who had been influenced by watching him ride as they grew up and were all really, really, really weird about him. marc with his little bike collection, jorge with his dabbling in pseudoscientific schools of psychology, casey and his championship-winning shirt, dani... well, tbf, I do actually think dani was pretty normal about valentino - probably because he'd known him the longest. had gotten drunk with valentino in the days when the bloke was just an idol and not a god. which is an underrated reason why the dani/valentino relationship never got so weird imo, one that goes beyond competitive calculus - dani was the most capable of interacting with valentino as just another guy. with all three of marc/jorge/casey, that idolisation dynamic does contribute significantly to the interpersonal turmoil
but that's a topic for another day! in conclusion, marc defo the dispositionally cheeriest foil of the alien lot, albeit somewhat by default, and WAS part of the reason why motogp got a bit of a mood lift in that 2013-14 period after what had just been a dire few years vibes-wise. mediocre racing, devastation caused by the financial crisis, tragedy... motogp was feeling quite lifeless in 2011-12 in particular, and those years do have a bit of a drab energy to them. in that sense, what followed was a bit of a reversion to the mean until the vibes completely went off the cliff. have they ever recovered? who can say
#20 yr old jorge lorenzo prob could've been charmed with two compliments and a hug like fundamentally it's not that hard. send me in chief#I think I'm slightly off the extrovert marc train because me and bikefuckersoftheworldunite (well mainly not me)#have recently stumbled across a bunch of old pressers primarily from 2004#and. brother. the vibes were very different back then#i do fairly regularly watch thursday pressers during the year and let's just say it's a contrast from watching pecco marc and jorge -#- discover new exciting ways of examining dust particles three metres to the left of each others' heads#and marc's not just like that with his actual rivals!! he supposedly 'likes' 'bastianini' and that's not exactly flowing chitchat is it#this wasn't just a valentino thing either. guys back then just talked more idk what to tell u#casey would repeatedly stab me for this and i am SORRY king i am a gutter-born philistine with poor morals and wretched taste#but this is also why you desperately needed valentino in the alien era. like you need somebody to get these guys talking#but crucially i think it's a great contrast!! i think it's sweet when dani and casey discover speech and beam at valentino!!#i also don't think valentino massively minded friendly!casey like again the basic chemistry really wasn't ever the issue#//#brr brr#//at#batsplat responds#vale said in mid 2008 that his relationship with his rivals (read: dani/casey) was more 'normal' than in the past which is incredible stuff#given the generational acts of psychological and also literal terrorism he was about to commit#but yeah i mean aside from some barbs in the media that three-way dynamic was pretty all right. they did have fun together#honestly even those pressers probably had substantially better vibes than the stuff today. where ARE the messy extroverts#farewell aleix </3 last of a bygone era
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In what you based your vision of italy and/or itager?
People like italy does even exist?
I think fundamentally speaking the world of hetalia does not work like ours. this is obvious because of mf countries being humans but i mean also on philosophical level too like i think if ghouls were real then tokyo ghoul could probably happen. if countries cultures were humanized hetalia would still not be able to occur. Unless we completely deconstructed our sensibilities and reshaped them from the ground up, looney tunes would never be real and something around the same can be said for hetalia. Although I think hetalia is slightly more leaning towards being able to be real compared to looney tunes; it's a sliding scale and hetalia is around where the muppets are at in terms of their sensibilities working in real life. Actually the more I think about it the more I do believe that people with hetalia-like sensibilities do exist, but they're incredibly rare and fucking crazy. Since I dont live hetalia life but i have lived always sunny in philadelphia in real life which is arguably even more implausible of happening. Like bro have you ever read the wikipedia page for the guy who holds the guiness world record for being struck my lightning the most times. that shit is fucking crazy i genuinely believe he was being hunted down a malovelent force and i dont believe in god or anything like that tbh but if i had to then i would say that is probably the second biggest red flag i have ever seen of a higher entity being real. So anyways I think if the bullshit he endured happened then someone having the same disposition and sensibilities as hetalia italy isn't that far out there actually. our world is magical and wonderful isnt it!! :D
Taking this into account, my vision of Itager plays by these rules (warped sensibilities). I think that if someone like Italy is real, then he is not going to be meeting anybody who likes Hetalia because Italy would not be into this gay shit. And i don't think italy could be considered himself anymore if we put him in the same mindset as a normal person in our society; he actually has to genuinely be like the person he is in the show. It's a tall order, but i do think that is reasonable and something that could feasibly happen with how many crazy and insane things that can happen on his planet, you just need to seek these things out! I'm sorry if this is hard to understand with my wording because I also started writing this long ago and kept forgetting to finish. BUT THANK YOU FOR SENDING AN ASK LIKE THIS I REALLY LOVE IT. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU CARE! <3
#ask#i think that also apart of why i believe someone like italy can exist irl is because i myself do not have thought processes that are#relatable to my peers#because ugh very obviously from my blog i have autism and not the cute kind either#but i mean as in you know how autism makes you think and percieve and have different sensibilities fundamentally from other people#and i suppose that is true for everybody to a degree actually becAUse we all percieve differently#I call this difference in our sensibilites the “gap” because it makes it so we will never be able to fully understand eachother#like evangeleon was right about that and im so happy the gap exists because i think that is the only thing that keeps us from being alone#but anyways i think autism is when that gap is SIGNIFICANTLY bigger than usual and uhmm autism is more components than just the gap#but the gap size is definately a big component of the autism spectrum#and i think thats why at least for me i feel kinda like elf when he was a human raised by elves and he loves elves and is one of them#but also hes not an elf so he'll never instinctually understand everything the way other elves do#and i never watched past 30 minutes of elf so i dont know the story much really but i know he goes to human society and stays there#and i think that doesnt work well with my simile though so tbh i should've used the usual “human raised by aliens” one i usually do#but that one makes it sound gay bc elf is a beloved christmas classic by everyone and is more understandable of the vibe im giving here#but uhmm yeah i think that we obviously have humans who have very different sensibilites compared to what we think is normal#and I would know seeing as I'm someone who is touching that line a lot. I HAVE A REALLY BIG GAP O_O#so i think that it isn't impossible for someone to be further out than i am#like hetalia italy!#or any hetalia character whos forced to live in this world LOL
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You know what? Maybe I'll get through college purely for the sake of learning to write strong academic papers to prove my mom wrong about things.
#i am pissed the fuck off right now#she told me i don't have tourettes cause my MRI and EEG were normal#i told her that those tests are used to rule out other causes so they're actually evidence FOR me having tourettes rather than against#she did find some academic articles showing evidence that it does show up on scans#but it's all pretty recent developments and it seems to be inconclusive so far#so yeah sure fine it can go either way#but also. i know my lived experience. and SO MANY FUCKING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME LIVED EXPERIENCE#so many fucking people. diagnosed tourettics with normal fucking MRIs#other topics i need to prove my mom wrong on: neil gaiman. PETA. whatever drone conspiracy theory shit she's getting into#Mommy. I love you. You are one of the smartest and kindest people I know.#But your stubbornness and confirmation bias are quite frankly ridiculous.#btw you're allowed to sympathize with me but don't say anything too strong about my mom#cause yeah she has some shit opinions but you don't know her. she's complicated like anyone else and i love her#it's just that i usually only bring her up when i'm venting so it tends to create an incomplete picture of her#but uh. yeah#vent#oh yeah also every time i bring up my bpd symptoms to her she goes on a long rant of why i don't have it#making it very clear that she is mixing up bpd and aspd#and every time i explain the distinction she's like 'whatever they're all just meaningless labels anyway'#and then forgets it within a week and we go through the whole schmuckaroo again
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repeated note to self: AVOID FANFIC REDDIT D: D: D:
#i just think. it is interesting. that they'll openly slag off shorter works in general while spouting 'some people prefer those!' platitudes#but on the rare occasions someone dares to venture that most longfics have pacing issues or whatever they FLIP THEIR SHIT LOL#and get very defensive about “no MY work longer than LotR NEEDS to be that long! it's full of subplots and character development!”#yet from the sounds of it the premise is actually fairly thin and they have no idea how good it is or isn't.#OH YEAH BY THE WAY it seems many longfic readers just lose their ability to judge fiction by normal standards#if everything you read of any length leaves you worried about what you'll read next and NOTHING ELSE then that *is* a problem#for which i am willing to invent the term 'disordered reading.'#oh EVERY published novel feels rushed to you? how about you're just used to padded longwinded shite because of fandom?#where Nanowrimo/Big Bang length (50k words) is not even considered 'long' by many readers.#oneshot writer blues#my longest fic needs an edit and i know it#so why is THAT the only one that ever made a rec list in this fandom? eh? eh eh eh? we all know the answer to that!#fanfic life
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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when will doctor who fans stop catastrophizing. when will doctor who fans stop catastrophizing.
over THE SUN????? of all things??????? the most unreliable newspaper to ever newspaper?? the one that does this once a month???
Also to then hear the bigots fucking complaining abut the show and then AGREE WITH THEM?????? to go, oh yeah, the racist people think its shit, maybe it is shit. NO?????
I understand I am Very frustrated at this, but this one article has spawned at least 15 posts of people going 'space babies (and the other stories this past season) is why the season was shit, casuals will never watch it'
I HAD 3 WHOLE CASUALS LOVE IT. who had ever seen the show before. who now watch all of the show. Im sorry, maybe british people are just too stuck up for the most recent season, but internationally its not looked down upon season. that might just be a you guys issue. So please stop acting like its the worst season we have ever had, we do this EVERY SEASON. i do not want to have to wait 10 years for people to actually address the season without y'all seemingly subconsciously caving to the bigots. The season was a fucking standardly decent (ie good) season. Fuck off with the backhanded ass compliments that you only give because you don't want the fucking backlash of bigots. It may seem crazy, but casuals do in fact enjoy this season. Get better friends i guess.
What is wrong with you guys some days. over the fucking sun.
#i have no clue if this has been an issue here i wake up scroll twitter and see all of this fucking mess then must rant about it#doctor who#also for the technicality of it all; you start with church. then go to space babies. but whatever#this happens i kid you not once a month and i am fucking sick of it#just stop being a fan if you hate the show; its not like its hard to not watch a thing#i am very sorry if its normally peaceful here and we avoid this issue its just the only place i actually exist online#sorry to the british i dont mean to scream about you on a weekly basis i just consume mostly british content so i see more of yall#also saw someone say that yeah ncuti could quit to have a consistent paycheck.... as if he literally isnt doing multiple plays in the gap#this is probably the most healthy ever of a balance for the actor filming the show and yall are acting like its torturing him
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