#yaz character study

[jolivira]

so... what does yaz's future look like?

I was inspired by some recent posts on my dash to open a new discussion about yaz's character, feel free to join in! just make sure to be respectful and kind :))

for this post Im not talking about yaz's life immediately after power of the doctor (but you can see that in my fancomic wink wink), I mean long term, what does her life turn out to be like? what path does she end up choosing for herself?

I see a lot of people mentioning UNIT and I can sort of see it but tbh I disagree. I cant see yaz working at UNIT... wouldnt she face the same frustrations there as she did as a police officer? and after her time with the doctor I really cant see her submiting herself to a vertical hiearchy again ('flat team structure' and all)

so.. what does she do?

some ideas came to my mind: social worker maybe? that seems a bit too mundane for her.. hmm her years in the 1900s maybe sparked a love for history and anthropology? archeology maybe? still doesnt feel right..

but what about.. astronomy?

I feel like this part of yaz's character gets a bit pushed aside in general, but yaz absolutely loves space and the stars! and to learn how to fly the tardis I imagine she had to study many different solar systems, galaxies, as well as engineering and physics

I also think being an academic would fit her really well, she gets to study and write about space while also helping students and her community!

and now I cant stop thinking about professor yaz who talks lovingly about the stars, who makes older professors frown because how the hell did she know there would be a planet there?, and whose students made a group chat to theorize about ever since jane from the history department found a photo from 1903 of a woman that looks exactly like her

I just love this idea of yaz being a prodigy in astronomy and lowkey becoming a mystery and an urban legend in university, the doctor would be proud hdskhsjshd

thoughts?

[regenderate-fic]

Blooming in the Bitter Snow (Right Before the Dawn)

Fandom: Doctor Who Ships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan Rating: General Word Count: 3,636 Other Tags: Revolution of the Daleks, References to Greek Myth, Doctor Who: Flux, Character Study, Pre-Relationship

Read on AO3

Summary: After ten months, the Doctor is like the sun: too bright to look at. Yaz knows this will happen again-- but then, the Doctor knows too.

NOTES: this is a birthday gift for katniss but i guess the rest of you can read it too. it is also retribution for getting me into hadestown. anyway happy birthday ❤️❤️❤️

(and shoutout to gabe riptheh for betaing if it's bad you have to blame him for not telling me)

title is from hadestown

(hehe note from december felix katniss and i saw hadestown and it FUCKED. don't ask me about reeve carney do ask me about grace yoo)

1.

Yaz is stuck.

Yesterday, she had the universe.

Today, she has Sheffield. 

It’s not that Sheffield is bad. Yaz had always lived here, and it's always been fine. She used to like it here, even. Back when she was younger. Back before she knew there were any other options.

But now— there's nothing wrong with Sheffield. It's just not where she wants to be. 

She’s back living with her family. Sonya’s taken over her room, so she’s living in Sonya’s, with its awful orange paint and childhood belongings scattered about. 

It doesn’t matter, though. Yaz is never home. She’s not at work, either— she quit her job a month ago, in linear time, but it feels like years. 

The thing is, though, the stolen, unfamiliar TARDIS has become home and work, as far as Yaz is concerned. At first, it’s because Ravio and Ethan are living there, and Yaz is helping them get sorted with a job for Ravio and a school for Ethan and a proper place to stay for them both— every cell in her body is screaming, Find the Doctor , but Yaz forces herself to focus on the people right in front of her who need help before she goes off in search of someone else. It’s what the Doctor would do, after all.

But then Ravio finds a job, and then a flat, and he and Ethan move out to start their new lives on Earth, and Yaz is stuck. Ryan’s finally gotten a job as a mechanic, and Graham is settling into retirement, but Yaz can’t move past this: the stolen TARDIS, offensive in its blankness. The Doctor, currently defined by the space she’s left behind. And the question: why hasn’t the Doctor come back for her?

Ryan keeps trying to suggest jobs she could get. A social worker, he says, when she’s helping Ravio and Ethan get on their feet. Or a teacher, when she explains Earth history to them. It’s the day the two of them leave, when Ryan suggests Yaz go to school to become a psychologist, that she snaps. 

“I’m not giving up on her,” she says, but her voice rises until says becomes shouts, her boots planted on the firm white floor. 

“All right, then.” Ryan raises his hands in surrender. “Don’t bite my head off. Just, you know, it’s not all or nothing. You can look for her while you do other stuff.”

Yaz shakes her head, single-minded. “I have to find her.”

Ryan stares at her for another moment, and then he shrugs. “Suit yourself,” he says. “We’ll be around.”

He doesn't offer to help. Yaz doesn't expect him to. Her relationship to the Doctor is— it's different. Ryan and Graham joke around with her, jumping from adventure to adventure. And Yaz likes the jokes, likes the adventures, but— she also likes the late nights wandering the TARDIS until she finds the Doctor in her workshop, tinkering away, and sits on one of the benches as the Doctor narrates her work, occasionally looking up and giving Yaz a bright and earnest grin. She likes the serious moments, when the Doctor meets her eyes and, somehow, makes a tough situation a tiny bit better, just by acknowledging it. She likes seeing the Doctor every day, just knowing she's around. She still can't quite quantify why exactly her relationship with the Doctor is   different from Ryan's, but she knows, keenly, that it is. 

Ryan leaves, and Yaz gets to work. She's seen the Doctor pilot the TARDIS—she’s picked up a few of the basics. This console looks completely different, but she thinks she recognizes a few of the levers: not well enough to launch herself into the vortex, and definitely not well enough to choose where to land, but well enough that she has a place to start.

The next day, she goes out and buys a pack of sticky notes, three different colors of paper, and rolls of tape. 

At first, it’s almost fun— through the haze of her determination, she vaguely processes the joy she usually takes in a good puzzle, having a problem in front of her to solve. She identifies as many of the controls as she can, marking them with sticky notes, taping her notes up on the walls. 

It’s only after she’s identified everything she can that the hopelessness sets in. She’s labeled twelve different buttons and levers, but she’s only sure of three of them, and there are countless more. Time travel is complicated, she knows, and dangerous, and it’s already been three months without the Doctor before she’s even managed to start this project. Linear time is ticking away, and the rest of time, the convoluted path only the TARDIS can navigate, remains elusive.

But Yaz can’t give up. She can’t bear the thought of it: going back to her normal life, finding a job she only sort of didn’t hate, leaving the Doctor behind. Especially when the Doctor could be in trouble, in need of the rescue that Yaz is desperate to provide.

So she keeps going. Methodical, she goes lever by lever, button by button, categorizing, speculating, experimenting. As long as she doesn’t hit the lever that’ll actually launch the TARDIS, she figures, she’ll be fine, and so she lets herself poke and prod, taking constant and careful notes. 

(It’s pointless. She knows, deep down, it’s pointless. Either the Doctor will come back or she won’t, and there’s not much Yaz can do about it. She’s no Time Lord— she doesn’t know how to pilot a TARDIS. Not really. But if she doesn’t keep trying, she’ll sink deeper into her grief, and she can’t bear the thought. So she tries, again and again, a high-tech Sisyphus, pushing her rock up the hill until it falls.)

Weeks pass. Months.

Every day, Yaz misses the Doctor more. 

Ryan and Graham are still worried about her. Her family are worried about her, too, and doubly so because they don't know the truth about the Doctor or time travel or anything else— they only know that Yaz is looking worse with every passing day.

She can’t bring herself to care. She feels numb, dead to the world, anytime she’s not working on the TARDIS. She’s already written off this time— when the Doctor comes back (she has to come back), it will be like this never happened. It will be ghost time, time that passed, but didn’t.

And then, just when Yaz is sure she can’t bear it any longer, there’s the Dalek. Instantly, Yaz shifts her focus: it’s the same as before, with Ethan and Ravio. Even with her burning, desperate need to see the Doctor again, the safety of other people— the safety of the world — comes first.

She’s at Ryan’s and Graham’s kitchen table when she hears it. The most wonderful sound in the universe. Papers are blowing, Yaz’s hair is coming loose, and her eyes slip shut. It feels like she’s ascending, being lifted up through the fog that’s overtaken her in the last ten months— walking up from the Underworld, ready to see the light of the sun. 

When she opens her eyes, the TARDIS is there. Steadfast, blue, letters glowing gently. 

The door opens.

Yaz is so close to the daylight—

But the second the Doctor steps out of the TARDIS, the second the Doctor’s eyes land on her, her hope crashes into anger, and she’s fallen right back down onto the dirt. 

“We were worried about you!”

Ten months. She’s been waiting ten months. It’s felt like the longest winter of her life— and now she’s red hot, burning with the fury of having been left behind.

Even if it’s not the Doctor’s fault.

Even if she knows, full well, the TARDIS is unreliable. 

Even if under all the fury, there’s a quieter warmth, a warmth she’d been taking for granted back when the Doctor was around, blooming in her chest and skating across her skin.

(The fury dissipates, somewhat, when she brings the Doctor into the blank white TARDIS, when she sees the Doctor’s mouth drop open as she takes in the notes tacked up on the walls. It drops entirely when the Doctor looks at her with hope-filled eyes and asks if she’s coming along. “Two hearts,” she says. “One happy, one sad,” and Yaz will miss Ryan and Graham, but she can’t help but feel the sun golden on her face when she thinks she’s responsible for the happy heart.)

(The problem, of course, is that Yaz is very, very sure this will happen again. They lead dangerous lives, after all. And the TARDIS is unreliable.)

(The problem, of course, is that tragedy is a cycle.)

Intermission

The TARDIS is just the same as Yaz remembers, with a few exceptions. Steps in the console room, for example. And her room has changed slightly— evolved, perhaps, to fit the new version of Yaz that has emerged from the last ten months. Her bedspread has gone from purple to a red-brown, and the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling have gone from cartoonish to nearly photorealistic, swirling in fluorescent galaxies when she turns the lights off. She collapses into her bed, curling up immediately— she never sleeps as well at home as she does in the Doctor’s TARDIS. 

The next morning, she practically runs into the console room, not even trying to suppress her smile. The Doctor is already there, writing in a little notebook, and she turns around when Yaz steps closer, her eyes sparkling. 

“Good morning,” Yaz says, suddenly shy. She hasn’t been alone with the Doctor in the TARDIS before. Or— she has, in the sense that they’ve been the only two in the room, but she hasn’t, in the sense that Ryan and Graham have technically always been on board with them, even if they were far out of earshot. It feels different, now there's no chance of Graham wandering in with his tea, or Ryan poking his head through the door to ask if they want to play a video game. 

“Morning, Yaz!” the Doctor exclaims. She’s back to her usual bouncy self, of course— she never reveals her sadness for long. “Was waiting for you to wake up.”

Yaz smiles. “What’s in the notebook?”

The Doctor returns her smile with a grin. “How would you like to learn to fly the TARDIS?”

Yaz steps forward, barely believing her ears.

“You mean it?”

The Doctor nods, expectant. An impossible joy rises in Yaz's throat, threatens to spill out her eyes. Maybe, she thinks, it won’t be a cycle after all.

2.

Yaz watches, and the Doctor turns to stone. 

She can’t help but feel like her watching is what does it. Even though plenty of others are looking on, immobilizing the Doctor as wings sprout from her back. 

The angels’ weakness is in their observation, after all, and Yaz keeps watching the Doctor, even when she shouldn't. 

She almost dies, lunging forward, desperately reaching. It’s Dan who saves her, pulls her back, keeps her from her death.

And that's how she falls for a second time. 

It’s different, this time. Less familiar, for one: it’s a hundred years before she was born, in a time when half of England is still using chamber pots, and everything feels strange. 

But— the other difference is the Doctor.

She hasn’t left Yaz alone, this time.

Yaz feels the difference the second she and Dan and Jericho and Peggy get back to the village, before she even finds the hologram. She’s already composing a game plan in her mind, just like the Doctor would: get food. Get money. Get period-appropriate clothing. Find a way back to the Doctor.

It’s not until that night that her left hand drops into her pocket and meets cool metal, tugging it out to see the trapped crystal and smooth ridges of an unfamiliar device.

Hope wells up in Yaz. Or— not quite hope. Love , she realizes. Love, because whatever this is, it has to be from the Doctor, and that means the Doctor cared enough about her to leave her— well, to leave her something, even if she hasn't figured out what.

She will find her way back this time.

She doesn’t have a TARDIS, but over the last ten months, she’s learned to trust herself: she’s learned high gravity circus arts, bluffed her way through a peace treaty to rescue the Doctor from a hostage situation, and, in one memorable occasion, defused an actual bomb with one second left on the clock. She’s not the Doctor, but she is good.

By the time they’ve spent two weeks in the empty village, Yaz even has a plan. She’ll spread messages to the Doctor throughout the time period, hoping one of them makes it to the future. Might even try and make one big and permanent enough that the Doctor will see it from space in 2021. And while they’re doing that, Yaz will look for traces of time travel in the 1900’s: the Doctor isn’t the only time traveler out there, she knows, and someone is bound to have abandoned a bit of technology somewhere on Earth. Dan and Jericho are on board— they’re a little taken aback by her fervor, she can tell, but they want to get home. 

The hologram, of course, changes everything. It activates when Yaz is doing laundry, her arms burning with the effort of using a washboard. She’s been keeping it in her pocket, her one relic of the Doctor, when suddenly she hears a muffled voice.

The Doctor’s muffled voice.

She pulls the hologram out of her pocket, mouth hanging open, and watches as the Doctor, golden, untouchable, appears in front of her.

Yaz stares at her. 

She stares back. 

Except— she's not really staring at Yaz, is she? She's staring at the hologram— the hologram that represents Yaz— and— 

Has the Doctor been looking at her like this this whole time? With so much emotion in her eyes? Or is she only looking like this because Yaz isn't really there, because it's safe? Yaz is afraid to call the look loving , not when the consequences for being wrong involve the bitterest disappointment, but her breath catches in her throat anyway. 

She misses the Doctor. More than anything. 

For the next four years, she travels the world. She realizes, at some point in there, that she’s changing— she’s growing into someone new, someone separate from the Doctor, separate from Sheffield, separate from her family and the 21st century. It’s strange. Change is inevitable, of course, but the person she’s becoming is so shaped by the 20th century— shaped by the fashion and the technology and the social rules. She's gotten used to cobblestone streets and horse-drawn buses and traveling miles on rickety trains only to arrive somewhere with no electricity or plumbing, and she has to wonder— when she gets back to the Doctor, to the TARDIS and the convenience of 21st century life, will she even still fit? She still has her smartphone, tucked in a corner of her luggage, and it might even have a little bit of charge left. But she doesn't know, because she hasn’t tried to turn it on in months. She reads newspapers now, anytime she can get her hands on them. She knows how to book tickets by mail to sail abroad, even when her address isn’t quite fixed. She can lace her own corset and do her own hair in the complicated styles of the day, and after a few months of wearing impractical skirts and itchy collars, she’s finally found clothes that suit her. She’s formed an identity for herself, in this era, an identity that’s completely hers.

And yet, she doesn’t belong.

It’s not her era. It’s temporary, she knows it is. She will see the Doctor again. She will go home. And if she doesn’t belong in Sheffield anymore— well, she’ll have the TARDIS, all of time and space, to help her readjust.

It does remind her of the ten months. She says as much to Dan and Jericho, detailing those awful days and nights spent in the wrong console room. She’s got the same dull sense of detachment, the same laser focus on the Doctor. 

But… it’s different now. She knows what she has to do, and she knows how to do it. Even if she’s still not sure how she’s going to get back to the Doctor— even if some days, her mission is just, “Keep Dan and Jericho alive.” She's figured out how to fake it, how to act like she knows what she's doing, and slowly she realizes she actually knows. Maybe she knew this whole time. She manages to smooth-talk all three of them onto ship after ship, she manages to bandage a gash in Dan's arm with a piece of her own corset cover while camping deep in the woods, she manages to dispose of a dead body without a second thought. She's always prided herself on doing the things that need to be done, after all— if those things have evolved from tricky homework assignments and white lies to her parents to wilderness medicine and corpse disposal, well, that hardly matters. It's still got to be done. 

And, of course, she has the hologram. A ghost of the Doctor, keeping her company. Or maybe Yaz is the ghost, stuck in the past— it’s hard to tell, sometimes. Although— she doesn’t feel dead, this time. Not like before, when she barely went through the motions of keeping herself alive, when she did the same tests on the unfamiliar TARDIS every day until it became familiar but still impenetrable. She’s no longer a high-tech Sisyphus— she’s Odysseus, maybe, displaced in time as well as space, and sailing the high seas in the hopes of making it home. Odysseus has a crew, has control. 

Yaz always said she wanted to be in charge. 

She’s in charge now, leading Dan and Jericho through a convoluted set of tunnels. Technically Dan’s the one who knows the tunnels best, but they’re all used to Yaz being in the lead, and it’s a hard habit to break. So she’s in front, trying not to let herself hope too hard, trying to tamp down the feeling that she’s walking upward again, out of the Underworld, towards the 21st century sunlight. It’ll hurt too much if she’s wrong— if she falls again— but— 

But she’s right.

There’s a door to 2021. 

After four years of searching, it turns out it’s as easy as stepping across a threshold, swapping one tunnel for another. Yaz almost cries when she sees the modern font on clean plastic mounted to the wall, part of a museum display— and again when she sees the TARDIS, solid, stalwart. If it weren’t for the stranger in front of her, blocking her, Yaz would be running right to it, opening the doors, flying away.

The good news is she doesn't have to. The Doctor appears, suddenly, miraculously, and when the Doctor appears— 

She’s like the sun. She really is. Yaz has finally made it up to the Earth's surface, and now, after years in the darkness, she feels light again. The universe is ending, but the light is soft on Yaz's face.

For a split-second, she’s afraid of the Doctor seeing her. She remembers last time— standing in Graham’s living room, full of hope and whispered prayer, but then the Doctor looked at her, and the hope crashed into anger, plunging her back into a roiling darkness. 

But things are different now.

When the Doctor looks at Yaz— it’s like she sees her. She sees everything. Yaz is mesmerized. She can’t look away. 

There’s a lot going on, and the Doctor is frenetic, distracted, but she still takes a moment to pull Yaz into a hug, and the way she melts into Yaz’s body, just for a second, brings Yaz completely back to life, heals any lingering wounds, if only for the moment. And then the way she looks at Yaz when she asks if she’s okay— 

She does look at Yaz like that, then, even when it’s not a hologram, when there’s no time or space between the look and its recipient. 

Or at least, she does now. 

(The problem with tragedy is that it’s a cycle, and the problem with cycles, of course, is that they can be broken.)

Coda

Yaz steps into the console room. She’s back in 21st century clothes— slipping into the world of the living, finding her foothold.

The Doctor, standing at the console, straightens up. She looks tired, a weight in her shoulders and in the droop of her eyelids. Her eyes meet Yaz’s, and Yaz feels the corners of her lips rising into a smile. 

The Doctor smiles back. Not one of her big showy grins— no. She’s not performing right now. This smile is genuine. It’s real.

“I really did miss you,” she says, her voice soft.

“You, too.” Yaz is awkward, suddenly. She’s forgotten how she used to act around the Doctor. In four years, she’s been an adventurer, she’s been a friend, she’s been a codebreaker and a sailor. But she hasn’t been a copilot.

There’s an awkward silence, stilted in the presence of all their time apart, everything they haven’t said. 

“I was thinking,” Yaz blurts out. “We should invite Dan along. He was a good sport, back in the 20th century.”

The Doctor nods. There’s a shift in her demeanor, a flickering of a light, and she’s back at the console.

“Brilliant idea, Yasmin Khan,” she says, and Yaz’s stomach flutters to hear the Doctor say her name again. 

“Copilot?” she asks.

And at the Doctor’s responding grin, she knows she’s back home.

[morurui]

It’s finally done. I’ve done it, I’ve finished up the Chaos Theory X Night in the Woods AU designs that I’ve been working on.

Below are their individual designs and which characters they’re based on within the AU, but it was so fun to do these designs! Especially since I had to study the nitw style and I love that game stylistically. (Also I will be working on a Brooklynn design but I’m tired from working on this all afternoon)

-Darius as Mae Borowski. Darius returns to his hometown after a less than stellar time away working for the DPW (Department of Park Wildlife). He’s back to reconnect with his old friends, as well as figure out what’s going on in his mind. Right now his goal is just to focus on the present.

-Ben as Bea Santello. Ben is one of the numerous people stuck in Isla Springs after the unfortunate passing of his mother forcing him to take over the family shop. He’s not so thrilled with Darius’s return considering how they left things the last time they spoke. Darius, however is determined to not let this connection die once again

-Kenji as Germ Warfare. Boyfriend of Brooklynn, he mainly hangs around the outskirts of town following her sudden disappearance. He eventually establishes a close brotherly bond with Darius, being a guiding figure in his life (but what’s a close bond without shenanigans thrown in).

-Sammy as Gregg Lee. Sammy works hard everyday to eventually get enough money to move herself and her girlfriend out of Isla Springs. However, once her high school buddy Darius moves back into town she slips back into old habits, which causes some tension between her and Yaz.

-Yaz as Angus Delaney. Yaz is Sammy’s anchor and is also working hard to have a better life for the both of them. While she does care deeply for Sammy often times she feels that being the responsible one is a burden and is afraid of communicating that to Sammy.

Ughhh I have so many ideas for this AU that I might as well start writing fanfiction, but I hope you enjoy these drawings that I did as much as I enjoyed designing them!

[bensbush]

My pirate AU drawing has been getting a lot of love, so I thought I'd share my ideas about each character within this universe!

Yaz's Crew: Brooklynn and Ben

Sammy's Crew: Darius and Kenji

Yasmina:

Runs a very organized ship

Super skilled with a sword

Worked as a member of the royal navy, and went rogue when she realized how corrupt their organization was. She often targets ships owned by the navy to steal supplies and anything else of value.

She's considered a major threat by authorities due to her knowledge of their system, and how successfully she uses that knowledge against them.

Has issues with teamwork sometimes, as well as trusting people to complete tasks up to her standards

Brooklynn:

Has an uncanny sense of direction

Was famous for leading her own crew, but after losing a battle to another infamous pirate, she lost her ship, her crew, and her hand.

Yaz found her drifting in the sea and brought her back to good health.

Her missing hand was replaced with a hook

She and Yaz clash sometimes because Brooklynn is used to being a leader, but with time they've learned to get along.

Ben:

Loves cannons and will find any excuse to fire them

Yaz saved him from imprisonment by another crew of pirates, and he was so grateful he pledged his loyalty to her forever (even though she didn't really want it). His background was pretty sheltered and comfortable, so he had a lot to learn about being a pirate.

Bumpy is his pet crocodile, he found her as an egg and raised her on Yaz's ship. Yaz and Brooklynn freaked out when they saw her for the first time and told Ben to chuck her in the ocean. He set Bumpy free, but she follows the ship everywhere because she sees Ben as her mother.

Sammy:

A bit of an unexperienced leader, but her attitude makes up for it most of the time

Skills in carpentry have saved her ship from sinking on multiple occasions

Became a pirate to fight back against a crew that targeted her village and her family. After winning the fight, she was able to take over the ship, form a crew, and travel around to more towns in need of defending.

Her intentions are often misunderstood because through word of mouth, a lot gets mixed up. Her association with village raids gets her in trouble, even though it's her apprehending the raiders.

Darius:

Most recent addition to Sammy's crew

Has great aim with a pistol

Wanted to study sea creatures, but didn't have the money for higher education. When Sammy stopped at his village, he snuck on the boat to see it up close. The boat left the port while he was still on it.

Sammy was impressed that Darius was able to go unnoticed for so long, and she offered him a place in her crew. Darius was conflicted because it meant it would be a long time before he saw his family again, but living at sea was the future he'd wished for since he was a kid.

Brand was distraught when Darius went missing. He finds out he's alive by seeing him on a wanted poster.

Kenji:

Likes hanging out in the crow's nest

There is no financial reason he needed to become a pirate, he came from a rich family. He got into a big fight with his father one night and went to a bar to get drunk, which is how he met Sammy. They got along instantly, and he impulsively agreed to join her crew to get away from his dad.

He regretted joining the crew once he realized he'd have to work

The sense of community on the boat gave him a reason to stay, they were like his first real family

I wish I had the commitment to write a fanfic about this, but knowing myself I don't! Someone else is gonna have to step up and take one for the team

[blackstarregulus79]

I'm going to ramble/character study about Rogue and the Doctor because I have brain-rot now...

btw nothing negative about their relationship in here, I love them.

It all traces back (in my head) to the 12th doctor (I could go back further but In an effort to keep this as short as possible I will not) when he has that last night with River. This is the last big loss the doctor feels because he knows he can't save her because she died before he even knew her. This left the doctor with a lot of feeling he never learned what to do with, and all of his companions after that never had a loss like this so how could he tell them and get any reaction other then 'yeah that sucks' none of them had been through that.

But Bill reminded 12 how to be happy and young and joyful which in my mind led to him being more forgiving of Missy and learning to trust her again but he thought in the end that she betrayed him leaving him another emotional scar.

That leads him to 13 who is so scared of loosing her companions and feeling that hurt again and that betrayal that she doesn't talk to any of them. She is too worried about opening up and sharing that side of her that she would rather hide everything then feel that pain.

But her and Yaz begin to fall into that trope of 'I want to love you, I just don't know how to any more' which breaks 13s hearts. So when she regenerates she is so tired of losing, hiding, and hurting so much that she regenerates into her old face trying to make her next self stop and take a fucking break.

That is when we get 14 who reigns he bond with Donna (one of his heaviest losses) and he starts to contemplate stopping and resting for one second but the guilt he feels towards everything he's done and how he feels that he owes it to his past companions to keep going.

Then his soul rips in half, and he can do both.

(I know this had been said before but stay with me)

And because of this 15 can express and feel what he is feeling (that is why he has been crying so much this season, because he is finally letting himself). But his companion, no shame on her or anything, can't really do anything but listen because she has never travel the universe with someone grow to care about them more then anything just for them to be gone.

And having a shoulder to cry on is nice and everything but sometimes it is nice to know other people have felt pain and loss like this, and to be told you are not alone. Make you feel like you are not crazy.

Then he meets Rogue. A man who has traveled with and lost someone, who can feel the weight of it, who is also somehow trying to figure out how to live with lose even though it is so fucking difficult. And the doctor gets told about how Rogue lost someone and he tells Rogue how he lost everyone. This is one of (if not the first) in a very long time who can says 'I have been through that to I know exactly how you feel'.

And even though the Master travels the universe they do it alone, they don't feel the lose of a companion like the doctor does.

And that is why they move so fast with each other, even getting engaged the first day they met, because they don't know when they are going to lose again. Their scared and want someone they can relate to.

And Rogue knows the pain and doesn't want the doctor to feel it again so he takes Ruby's place on the trap. But the doctor feels the pain anyways because he could see the potential with Rogue, and sometimes when you are that close to something you wanted it hurts just as bad.

SO WE NEED TO BRING ROGUE BACK SO THE DOCTOR HAS SOMEONE HE CAN RELATE TO, TO TALK TO!!!!! 15 JUST NEEDS SOMEONE TO HEAL WITH NOT FOR!!!!

Anyways thanks for listening to my ramble. I know the doctor could relate to Jack about this kind of thing but I think they have way too much history for the doctor to open up to him.

Here's my Spotify playlist for them if anyone wants it:

[msp9]

WHATS HAPPENING IN CASA DE CHAOS #part 1: YAZ/Yasmina (mostly her ptsd, analyzing screenshots)

⚠️SPOILERS⚠️

This is gonna be my series of me yapping about each character, for example what have they been up to, hopes, speculations, theories... etc. (from the info we have from the clips and ep 1)

So Yaz, or should i call her doctor Yaz? Get it? Bc she's a phycology student.... Career: Never mind so as i said apparently, Yaz is studying psychology in college, for what i assume like around 3 years depending when she started. This is such a big step for her character's growth. After everything she's been through, including her mental health struggles and internal conflicts, she's switched gears and is now pursuing a degree in psychology to help others who may have experienced similar traumas. Also in the clip, she seems excited to show Sammy her new project, which suggests that she's genuinely enjoying her studies and feels passionate about the field. She went from a she's-a-runner-she's-a-track-star to a mature phycology student. Overall, this shows that Yaz is now dedicated to making a positive impact on others through her education and future career. I'm so happy for her. It makes sm sense for her character to pursue this specific career. Overall, looks like shes been fine on the island. (not) .

Ptsd: So Yaz seems to have moved to a non-dinosaur island of some kind. Personally i assume that is for her trauma and struggles when the dinosaurs got to the main land. (and obviously safety) She is obviously the most effected one from jwcc.

Now in trailer 3 we can see 1 moment that could possibly be connected to her Ptsd:

Here we see Yaz on the ground, she obviously looks scared but i wanted to point out the lights hitting her. They dont really look that "connected" to the scene? Im not sure how to axplain this... Just the way it shines on her clothes and hair and the fact that we cant see the backround clearly, looks like it could be some kind of illusion, or one of her dreams. To stand with my point is the exact next scene:

We see, a what I'm 99% sure is a dinosaur, attacking her. The coloring and environment is similar so we can assume this is from the same scene. It ofc cuts off before we can see anything else, to me it looks as if the camera shows Yas's point of view. Which makes me believe this is in fact a nightmares of hers. Another point i want to make is just how much darker this whole dream is. Just look at it!!! Its super darker compared to the season 4 ones. Plus in another clip they showed blood. So i wouldn't question if the nightmare were a lot worse then they used to. And the way the Dino attacks its dark yk? you don't even have time to react.

Basically where i want to get to is that, she is not done with ptsd yall.

3) Yaz and Sammy :Okay even if the clips don't showcase much. They have definitely not lost contact as Yasmina states "this is the project I've been talking to you abt". So obviously she has been talking abt it a lot. When it comes to why Sammy was acting out of character when Yaz was showing her project . My personal theory is that Sammy is just trying to make Yaz come with them and leave the island. and from what i speculate here we will probably get a yasammy argument. Overall they are probably together and from what we've seen we might get some tension between them. I'm all in for that. (As long as they don't breakup)

Thank you for reading my big Yaz rant, am i going to make more of these with the other characters? We'll see. Probably yes.

[juniperhillpatient]

I really appreciate that this season (I’m on season 4 I’m aware I’m late as hell watching this) of Camp Cretaceous has borderline drilled it in that the villain here is capitalism & hubris & greed & disregard for life & lack of empathy NOT “science gone too far.” I’m so tired of people thinking the message of Jurassic Park is “science gone too far” & I LOVE that this show demonstrates again & again that the people who love dinosaurs & just find them amazing & fascinating aren’t the bad guys - I love Dr. Mae & I love that she’s just a quirky scientist because I was so worried that Darius would learn that his hero is actually a villain but NO. Mae just wants to study dinosaurs & it’s Kash & Mantah Core that are doing all these sick & evil things. I also love Darius’ character arc this season & the exploration of Yaz’s ptsd & like? Everyone’s character arcs? Have I mentioned I totally forgot how good this show is? Anyway!

[stardustpr1ncess]

So over the course of binging Camp Cretaceous over the weekend to the point of exhaustion, I can confidently say I love it. Kinda glad I waited this long to watch it since idk how I'd feel having to wait for Chaos Theory.

Did I hate nearly every main character at one point or another? Yes, undoubtedly so, stop saving every dinosaur you find when it means your friends will be in danger DARIUS YOU FUCK. Did season 4 start Kenji x Brooklynn (she's in middle school while he has FACIAL HAIR 🤮) and have the main protagonist be literally an incel with robot dogs? Yes, sadly.

HOWEVER, seasons 1 2 and 3 were phenomenal character studies on how 6 kids would handle being stranded on dinosaur Disney World. Not only how they would survive such a tragedy, but how they would grow and come to terms with complex emotions about themselves and their new found family.

Some examples being the phenomenal arc that Ben goes through when he becomes isolated from the entire group, and slowly realizes he's in a sink or swim situation in which being the same "Scared Ben" (his words) will get him killed. He realizes this when he's surrounded by Compies alone with no one he can rely upon, so he finds the strength within himself (that dog in him if you will) to intimate them into running away. Furthermore he continues to survive alone for weeks, growing so confident as to fight Toro (the carnotaurus) in order to get to main street, knowing he's severely outmatched, but that it's his only chance of rescue.

My personal favorite example (yes... sadly this happens in season 4 😭) involves Yasmina, the best character. Over the course of their 6 months on Isla Nublar, they have been abandoned by the people put in charge of their care, stranded on a jungle island filled with dinosaurs, along with 3 hybrid dinosaurs bred to be perfect killers, and had to fight to survive essentially everyday. So, upon leaving the island and having a chance to be rescued, only to find there's just more dinosaurs on island 2 electric boogaloo, something inside Yaz snaps. They actually commit to giving this 15 year old PTSD from dinosaurs! Which is the most sane and likely consequence of this situation. She constantly has nightmares about dinosaurs, and has panic attacks at the sight or sound of them, causing the group to actually have to factor that into plans and not have her do insane stuff like sprint from Tyrannosaurus Rex's.

Season 5 was also good and Daniel Kon was an enjoyable and well built up villain, but at that point all the kids are so feral from being stranded on 2 dinosaur islands that it's nowhere near as grounded as the first 3 seasons. Therefore I can't really bring myself to say things like "stop saving the dinosaurs Darius you are fucking stupid", because at that point, they're so lost in the sauce of being the most dedicated environmental activists ever, that they might as well finish the job.

OH! Did I mention that Bumpy is in fact a character in this show? Or that she's also the cutest ever? Or that they're making a Lego set of her that I WITHOUT A DOUBT will be purchasing? That's a very important part of the essay can't be leaving Bumpy out like that.

That's a decent amount of what I wanted to say about Camp Cretaceous, there may be more essays to come since this is a 5 season show and Chaos Theory just released. Thank you for reading.

[duchezss]

Honestly I think jwcc is gonna be roman empire forever, more specifically S4 and 5, because of how much the writers ruined all of their characters arcs and growths.

I think S1-3 were just perfect. Ok maybe they weren't actually perfect, but for they were setting out to do it was superb. The writers were establishing dynamics and relationships and conflicts, external and internal, so well. It's almost hard to believe that such a grounded brilliant story fell apart in the last two seasons. I generally cannot fathom how they were the same writers. For example, in S3 Ben and Darius have this long arc about forgiving each other and coming to understand each other after the monorail. It was beautiful and slow paced and just a great character study. So when the end of S3 happened, and Darius and Kenji were clearly fighting, I figured they would kinda do the same thing for them. Instead the two forgave each other in less then five minutes and then they just never speak on it again. I can't be only one that just finds that so odd?

Another thing I think really ruined the show was the forced romance between Brooklynn and Kenji. It was out of left field, it didn't make sense, and it completely undermined their characters. To me, the show always presented their bond as brother and sister, but honestly if the writers had done it better maybe (MAYBE) I could've gotten behind it. They just made it so hard to route for them. First of all because of the romance, the two of them weren't really allowed to interact with the others. Like yes they did, but not in meaningful ways like they had before. Also something that irks me to no end is them playing off Kenji so vigorously trying to save Brooklynn at the end of S3 only because he had a crush on her. That's such a misinterpretation of his character, because S3 Kenji would've acted like that if ANY of the crew were in that situation. They became the only family he ever had, and to say that all of that was just because of a crush? Oh don't get be started. Also it just made Brooklynn a shell of the character she once was. I was so upset in S5 when the only thing she got to do was mope about Kenji's betrayal. She deserved more development and screen time, and just everything really. Their romance did a huge disservice to them both.

Third point, I really hate how they played off everyone not having PTSD, especially Darius. I was very happy that Yaz had that arc in S5 and how they showed how it really got to her. But when the rest of the group said everyone was fine, especially Darius? The same Darius that felt endlessly burdened with leading? The same Darius that had nightmares about his father and Ben after he lost them? The same Darius that let everything get to him even when he knew it shouldn't? THE SAME CHARACTER THAT WAS ALONE ALL OF S4 AND THE WRITERS DID NOTHING WITH??? Ohhhh one day these writers will pay for the way they sidelined THEIR MAIN CHARACTER. Darius deserved that arc, and he deserved an arc that allowed him to step out of the leadership role. Like yes that was technically S4, but it was handled in such a bad way and it really didn't present any growth for him or the crew. Just a wasted opportunity.

I think at their core, the problems with S4 and S5 lie with the direction the writers wanted to take it. As soon as the group ended up at this highly technological island I knew it was over. Not to say advanced stuff is bad, the hybrids were always sick, and I even thought the mind controlling was a good moral dilemma, but everything else? It was so tiring and frustrating, like damn I don't care about the brads or this island, or these random ass characters you introduced. I think the writers just really lost sight of what made the show so great in the first place, the main characters. Yes the plot was amazing, but the brilliant cast of characters and their ever changing dynamics and lives was what really brought it home. When you erase all of the development you've been building up for three seasons in favor of a incredulously complicated and over done plot that side lined your main cast what can you expect? It seems voltron was in fact a harbinger for this show. One day dreamworks will learn how to not fall off mid show, but it appears that's not any time soon.

[st4rrmii]

How does Yasmina feel about your OC?

Which canon character does your OC respect a lot?

Who would call your OC their best friend?

Is there a canon character who would die for your OC?

How does Yasmina feel about your OC?

Yaz sees Lu as p much a not-so-lil lil brother, at first seeing him on the island she was kinda just- happy he was one of the only ones who didn't try to get in her space/talk to her, but after a few days of parallel play and just drawing in silence together in the lounge they got more comfortable with each other. She also started to trust him more after he let her use his walking stick/crutch when she hurt her ankle. Nowadays they're a lot more comfortable around each other, and she def treats him like a younger brother, teasing him and everything while also looking out for him where she can.

Which canon character does your OC respect alot?

Diff answer this time, but Mae, he looks up to her in a sense and she's probably a lot of why he got into Dino veterinary practices. He respects the fact that she views dinosaurs as what they are, animals, and wishes to study them in non-harmful ways, while also being aware of the fact that they should not be around.

Who would your OC call their best friend?

Aside from Ben and Brooklynn(since I alr gave the Brooklynn answer)-Sammy, aside from Brooklynn and Ben, she was the first on Nublar to try talking to him without making a comment about how "emo" he was (Kenji, I'm looking at you.) And she honestly did help him out of his shell, ntm she helped him realize what his feelings for Ben were.

Is there a canon character who would die for your OC?

The entirety of the N6 tbh. Jokes aside, Ben and Kenji would be the top two, Ben because well, he loves Lu, and Lu has done so much for him that he would risk it (though he SHOULDN'T.) Kenji cause, well, who wouldn't Kenji die for? But honestly like, all of the N6 kinda still view him as the 4'10/11 on a good day little kid who was just- terrified and missing his papa so they've all kinda got this instinct to protect him LMAO

[jupitersrising]

JWCC Majors

What I think the Jwcc characters majors would be in celebration for me being accepted into college!

Okay starting off easy,

Darius:

He would go into paleontology with a minor in public speaking.

Paleontology is obvious and I can imagine if dinosaurs had been roaming around for so long at this point expensive colleges would have more live dinosaur-study based classes. So if those were to exist he'd definitely take them and constantly correct the professor.

Public speaking because he was already very vocal about the treatment of dinosaurs but he wanted other people to take him seriously when he spoke.

Brooklynn:

Out of all the characters in the epilogue we actually see her working as like a spy. So I think she'd definitely be riding that high from being famous when she was younger to get into a lot of high profile parties and such...thats besides the point.

She be a computer science major with a minor in political studies.

I can also see her eventually becoming a lawyer and Darius and Brooklynn becoming like the ultimate power couple when it comes to defending dinosaurs for abuse/ illegal trade.

Yaz:

She would go to college on a track scholarship 100%. But she can't major in track. Originally she thought she'd major in sports management because its what most athletes do.

BUT Sammy convinces her to pursue her passion with art and she becomes an enigma at her college for hanging out with the art kids and the sports kids. Majoring in art classes but spending all her free time on the field.

No one can figure out how she made so many friends. Nor how they all came together.

Sammy:

I can't see Sammy wanting to go to college at first. She'd worried about her family's finances and being away from the farm again. But one video chat from her friends convinces her that she has to start living her life too.

She starts her freshman year intending to major in agriculture as it would make perfect sense to continue the family business.

In the spring semester (her schedule changed) she accidentally sits in on a biology lecture and absolutely falls in love with it.

It reminds her a lot of the papers she used to send to Manta Corp when she was a spy. The combination of so much background knowledge shocks a lot of people. They ask where she grew up and she shrugs and tells them about the farm in Texas.

Shocking literally everyone without realizing it.

She graduates with a bioengineering phd

Ben:

He was the last one to graduate, finding it hard to get back to a regular life after the island.

First, he goes abroad for a while, nearly cutting off contact from them all before being tracked down by May and dragged back to the lab.

He interns for her at her new dinosaur research facility and he realizes all the skills he learned from the island don't have to go to waste as he looks at the plants around.

He becomes fascinated by them, since they had to be brought back similarly to dinosaurs in order to feed them. May helps him pay for college on the mainland.

He majors in paleobotany and whatever other certifications he needs to become a dinosaur trainer

Kenji:

He knew that he would have to major in business since he was a kid. He was always supposed to take over his Dad's company. So it wasn't a surprise when he went into. He loathed it.

Through a combination of encouragement for his friends and (new) family he tries to discover things about himself in college. About his interests.

Unlike the others he never wants to work with dinosaurs again (can someone say trauma) so that's immediately off the table.

But being the rich guy he is, Kenji funds himself through college and takes a bunch of classes that peak his interest

He's really shitty at art but he always sends the finished products to Sammy as a gift (she has a self of deformed mugs and when anyone asks she shows them off like a proud mom over their kid's finger painting) he tries public speaking but he gets bored, its too much like business. He likes acting, but he knows it was never something he could pursue in his free time and drops it. He was about to give up when he enrolled in a psychology class.

(Maybe to figure out why his dad did what he did or why all his friends were messed up after the island.) For whatever reason he finds himself entranced by it.

He double majors in business and psychology

This was entirely self indulgent but it was fun!

[chickensarentcheap]

Does your character carry any unresolved baggage from their family?

How has your character’s understanding of family evolved as they've grown?

How does your OC’s family background affect their relationships with others outside of the family?

Did your OC receive any special treatment or discrimination within their family?

What were the happiest moments of your OCr's childhood?

Did your OC have any significant friendships or relationships during their childhood that shaped who they are today?

What role did education play in the OC’s childhood?

How did the character’s family's financial situation impact them as a child?

Did your OC have any hobbies or interests as a child?

What role does language play in the character’s identity?

How would your character describe their experiences in education?

What were their favorite subjects or areas of interest?

Does your OC practice self-learning? omg, I'm going to have to several asks lol. Do them for just Esme or both

Oh, does she ever. Her mother is pure evil. She never wanted Esme; it was a later in life pregnancy and there was five boys already and Esme was seen as a mistake. And was always reminded that she was. Her mother also supported and enabled Mark's (Esme's ex husband) abuse or her and views Tyler (of all people) as a POS. Forever insisting he's a drug addict and alcoholic and that he abuses, bullies, and controls her.

Over the years, she's realized that family isn't about blood. It's about who loves and accepts you and has your back even at the most ugly of times. Even when you're not an easy person to love. She has a lot of great people now in her life. A husband and kids, friends like Nik and Yaz, Koen, her step sister Riley, Clover and Andy. And let's not forget John Wick and Alcott :)

Esme is always willing and eager to bring aboard the outsiders that haven't known and acceptance and love.

The family she was birthed into is just pure shit and treats her horribly

She has some great memories of camping, fishing, hiking and such with her dad. And remembers that she could always count on him to show up for school events. She could always look out into the audience and he'd be there

I think her relationship with her dad encouraged her to be compassionate, patient, and understanding

She was always very studious and put her all into her studies, even as a child. And followed that right through to university

As a kid, she was always outside. She loved to bike ride, climb trees, fish, camp, hike. And she loved to journal :)

Esme is fluent in a handful of languages and it's enabled her to travel and learn about different cultures and peoples

I think she would describe them as stressful and overwhelming, but the fruits of the labour more than worth it

Her favourite subjects would have been English (both creative writing and literature), anything to do with learning a different language, drama, history.

Esme is a researcher. Her quest for knowledge is never ending. When Tyler was diagnosed was CPTSD and Bipolar 2, she poured herself into learning everything she could about the disorders, and reached out to other wives (and husbands) who had spouses with military induced PTSD.

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3D.1)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptoms overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid

[Thirteenth Doctor will be in 3 parts due to length. Find the whole thing on AO3]

13th Doctor 1.

The Thirteenth Doctor is an interesting presentation of the C-BPD The Doctor has as she is both written and viewed to be very disconnected from the previous Doctor’s traumas, leading people to only see her dealing with trauma after she lost Gallifrey again and that the only trauma affecting her is The Timeless Child realisation. I posit that she always had trauma responses before TV: Spyfall pt 2. Her traumatic content in her body is held in the line of anxiety, hypervigilance, difficulty regulating emotions and being fully closed off about her history and emotions during her early stories. Trauma also comes out increasingly as a fight response later in her run, there are threads throughout her whole time making her very fascinating and complex.

Her agitation, agitation anger, hypervigilance, uncovering of past trauma and social difficulties and more are worth going through and analysing. 

A place to start with some of the basic triggers The Doctor experiences and trauma responses. Commonly a fight response. These incidents do not only happen in ways that are not as extreme or disconnected from the situation she is in. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: Eve of The Daleks, Prose: The Good Doctor, Comic: New Beginning, & Comic: Old friends )

An interesting early reaction of agitation we see her venting her frustration of being “too nice”, a response that screams strongly of a trauma response due to the struggle of being stuck in a situation that she had specifically warned Yaz against. This petulant comment highly references a fight response. (TV: Demons of The Punjab)

Of course, some of her strongest triggers have to do with facing her old enemies who have caused her a lot of pain. In TV: Resolution we see how she deals with her first Dalek in this regeneration. Starting when she first identifies the Dalek and going forward she is in a state of hypervigilance and a very strong fight response. 

“Doctor:...Let's see what we've got. No. It can't be.

Yasmin: Doctor? I don't like it when you go quiet.

Doctor: This is the DNA of the most dangerous creature in the universe.

Graham: Does it have a name?

Doctor: A Dalek.”

&

“Doctor: I'm going to find that creature.

Yasmin: You can't do that on your own.

Doctor: Always have done. Me and a Dalek, it's personal. Go on, get her safe.”

When faced with Cybermen she has a strong fear response that comes out in both fight and flight response and the need to protect her friends. The fresh loss of Bill to the cybermen along with other past people he’s seen become Cybermen, like Danny [this is an example even if he was dead to start with, the indignity in death still strains The Doctor’s emotions.] 

We can see this in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati: 

“Doctor: One Cyberman, but then thousands. Humans like all of you changed into empty, soulless shells. No feeling, no control, no way back. I will not lose anyone else to that. Do not follow me.”

And continued into TV: Ascension of The Cybermen

"Doctor: I know.

Yasmin: They destroyed everything we brought with us.

Doctor: I know.

Ryan: We haven't got anything else to defend ourselves or them.

Doctor: I know! Listen to me. Do not argue. Go with the humans. Help them. Get them out of here. You won't make it back to the Tardis alive. Make sure you're with them.

Ryan: What about you?

Doctor: I'll hold them off.

Graham: How are you going to do that?

Doctor: This isn't a discussion.

Yasmin: We're not just gonna leave you.

Doctor: Yes, you are. You have to, all of you. No questions. Get out. I've been so reckless with you.

Yasmin: What are you talking about?

Doctor: You're human. If they capture you, they'll convert you. I'll find you. Get safe now!"

This interaction showcases a lot of the exhaustion and anger being triggered into remembering her worst memories, along with the reasonable fear of the situation and responsibility for her friends. 

Emotional lability presents with The Doctor; depressive, hyper, excitment anxious, frustration, and hostility. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, & Comic: New Beginning) A reference to this is mood issues is  in TV: Orphan 55

“Ryan: I'm up for a free holiday. Where is it?

Graham: A place called Tranquillity.

Yasmin: Me too. So long as there's plenty of sun and absolutely no deep-space squid. Might get you out of your mardy mood.

Doctor: My mood's fine.

Ryan: That's you told.”

I will break down these emotions throughout the rest of this analysis. 

She deals with a lot of anxiety (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of The Punjab, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's night of terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor, Prose: Combat Magicks, Comic: Hidden Human History & Comic: Alternating Current). 

The Doctor tends to show her stress in a way that looks like what we view as anxiety. She’s not afraid of being viewed as anxious by her companions. It makes perfect sense she would be anxious due to her current past situations. Her specific expressions come through clearly and I think this is to some extent something that she views as acceptable to experience possibly because it doesn’t give much away. The Doctor is also relatively aware of her anxiety an example can be seen in TV: It Takes You Away:

“The Doctor: All right, no need to panic.

Yasmin: I wasn't panicking.

The Doctor: I know, I was talking to myself. Cos all this is very wrong.”

A way we can see the anxiety come through is that she talks a lot when under stress, both in the way The Doctor does to stall for time when thinking of a plan but also when there is no automatically viewable stressor. (TV: Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Legend of The Sea Devils, Prose: Molten Heart, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

An example is in TV: Arachnids In The UK we see the habit coming up during social interactions separate from fighting or other dangerous situations:

“Doctor: Look at your views. Never had a flat. I should get one, I'd be good in a flat. I could get a sofa. Imagine me with a sofa, like my own sofa, I could get a purple one and sit on it. Am I being weird?

Ryan: A little bit, yeah.

Doctor: I'm trying to do small talk. I thought I was doing quite well.

Yasmin: Needs work.

Doctor: Maybe I'm nervous. Or just socially awkward. I'm still figuring myself out. You really like junk. Are you collecting it, like stamps?”

Hypervigilance related to anxiety is something Thirteen experiences. Here hypervigilance is related to more paranoid thinking, seeing a threat coming up and carrying stress and alertness in the body. This concept can explain some of where her stress symptoms are rooted in. Her life experiences keep her head on a swivel so to speak. It’s useful for her life and it only worsens as time in her regeneration passes. (TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Resolution, TV: Spy Fall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Can You Hear Me, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: Molten Heart & Comic: Alternating Currents)

We can see her reference the way she views safety in Comic: New Beginnings, linked to how her hypervigilance functions in her life. 

“Doctor: It's very rare to find true safety and certainty in the universe...”

Another moment we see The Doctor discuss her view on how they interact with safety can be seen in TV: Once, Upon Time:

“Doctor: I spend my life walking into new places and weighing things up fast. Who's who? Who has the power? Who's in danger? How fast danger is coming. Also, how likely my friends are to die. I've got good at figuring all of that out at speed.”

The Doctor even voices how she experiences hypervigilance in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati:

“Lone Cyberman: You appear courageous, but your vital signs betray a heightened state of anxiety.

Doctor: Or as I like to call it, Tuesday.”

A related symptom of hypervigilance and anxiety is agitation. She shows that she is on edge and sitting at a proverbial level eight in stress. This expression of stress becomes stronger as time passes and with the experiences with the destruction of Gallifrey, The Timeless Child & Flux. ( TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, V: Once, Upon Time, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13) 

In Prose: Combat Magics we see this reference when it describes that The Doctor is “prowling like a caged cat”.

Not having access to a full range of internal regulations can create conflict with other people. 

We see when her anxiety is raised due to being separated from her TARDIS and being injured she becomes agitated and acts abrasive towards people trying to be helpful. She keeps talking and disrupting the ship in a conversation with the medical Doctor which could damage other people in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum:

“Doctor: What were you worried about? Just as I was waking up, you... you saw something and you were worried.

Astos: No.

Doctor: Ooo, bad liar. Must be difficult in your job.

Astos: Hey, I'm an excellent liar.

Doctor: So you were lying, then.

Astos: I didn't say that.

Doctor: See? Bad liar.

....

Astos: Enough, now. You can't be in here. I don't know what that device is, but if you don't leave, I have to restrain you

...

Astos: Don't! If you interfere with the navi-systems, they'll take it as an act of hostility or hijack. They can detonate the craft.

Doctor: I'm not being hostile!

ASstos: Yes, you are. You're being hostile and selfish. There are patients on board who need to get to Resus One as a matter of urgency. My job is to keep all of you safe. You're stopping me from doing that.

Doctor: You're right. Of course, you're right.”

Another example of this can be seen in TV: Orphan 55 in her conversation after she has had to deal with a threat to her friend. 

“Hyph3n: Guests aren't permitted in the... linen cupboard.

Doctor: How about Pan-galactic Standards and Practices Officer? Health and Safety? Security and Hygiene? Resort Inspector. Now, are you and your excellent tail going to let me have a look, or am I going to have to bark at you? Cos I will.

...

Doctor: Oh, yeah. Of course. Deadlocked room with its own armoury. Don't tell me. Honeymoon suite.

Kane: Hyph3n, what the hell are you doing? Who's this?

(She turns The Doctor around.)

Doctor: I'm The Doctor, and you, madam, are far too handsy.”

As we can see in these examples her agitation can come out as being abrasive with other people and it can cause problems when communicating with other people. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, & Comic: Hidden Human History) We know she wants to communicate to some extent and will take in some of what others say but it’s still clearly a difficulty she has. 

In TV: Fugitive of The Judoon we have an example of this. 

“Doctor: She said she was my past, but I know my past, and she's never been me.

Graham O’Brien: I'm sure there's a simple explanation.

Doctor: Time is swirling around me. The Master, Captain Jack Harkness, Ruth. Something's coming for me. I can feel it.

Ryan: Let it come. You've got us.

Doctor: Ryan, I've lived for thousands of years. So long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you been here? You don't know me. Not even a little bit.

Yasmin: Don't talk to him like that.”

They say nice things after this moment, and Thirteen appears to appreciate what they are saying. The TARDIS sides with them as well, and they quickly get into their next adventure and we see it takes a lot of time for them to fully communicate. 

Thirteen’s trauma causes her to tend to have a proverbial film between her and her companions, or ‘fam’ as Thirteen refers to them. This version of The Doctor very rarely lets them into her history and her inner world. We see her care about her companions in series Eleven at the same time they know very little about her. She will let them in on her nerves, and she asks for reassurance from them. But they don’t know the why behind any of it, and even the emotions she does share very rarely go deep. She oscillates between wanting them to close because she cares for them, and holding herself behind a wall. ( TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, & TV: Revolution of The Daleks)

This is very pronounced in the way it takes till TV: Spyfall Pt. 2 for her to tell them even the basics like her home planet, age or regeneration. 

“Graham: They're right. Five planets, you've barely said a word.

Doctor: I'm fine.

Graham: Why don't you ever share anything with us?

Doctor: I share stuff.

Graham: Not about yourself, though.

Ryan: Yeah, you know everything about us.

Yasmin: And we know nothing about you.

Doctor: Fine. What do you want to know?

Graham: Who are you, Doc? I mean, really.

Doctor: I was born on a planet called Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm a Time Lord. I can regenerate my body. I stole this Tardis and I ran away. I've been travelling ever since. The Master was one of my oldest friends. We went very different ways. Questions?”

In TV: Resolution we see another nod towards this wall she keeps with her companions. 

“Doctor: Ryan's Dad.

Yasmin: It's complicated.

Doctor: Yeah. Dads are, so I've heard.“

This shows a bit of how the wall works, she is a father in multiple ways over time and has Susan who is her granddaughter. Past Doctors have mentioned they were fathers, even if they tend to never go into much of it. Twelve says “Dad skills”. (TV: Listen) Ten tells Donna about his children whom he lost in TV: The Doctor’s Daughter. Not only does she not tell any of them about having children she explicitly says that she’s only heard about it. While a small moment compared to others it’s still an example of her tendency to isolate her heart from her friends. 

This can also be seen as the line of purposeful self-isolation. Just not sharing but pushing other people away. (TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Eve of The Daleks)

A humorous reference is made towards The Doctor’s broken communication style in TV: Orphan 55. 

“Doctor: Oh. Come on. This is not the way to resolve a family dispute. How about good old-fashioned passive-aggressive discussion?”

While a joke it shows the cynical mind state The Doctor is in this episode, and also is honest for this Doctor. She doesn’t spend a lot of energy on her communication. 

In instances where she is fighting a bad guy, she can come across as less anxious when she is 1-on-1 with an enemy than in other situations. (TV: Rosa, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13). During TV: It Takes You Away The Doctor shows a lot of anxiety when only with friends or with other people but shows more competence when talking to the Solitract. 

This Doctor also struggles with impulse control. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Eve of The Daleks & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13) 

She can become very wreckless at times, her impulse control putting herself and/or others in danger.  This behaviour is seen right away during TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth. We see The Doctor be willing to jump distances, wanting to turn on sirens, taking Ryan Sinclair’s phone and reworking it before even thinking to ask. In TV: The Witchfinders we see her dive headfirst into the water to save someone, while the right thing to do, it shows a degree of acting without fully considering possible consequences. 

The behaviour can veer into recklessness. We can see this starting all the way back in her first episode in TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth she starts her life jumping distances she can’t fully judge as someone who has a new body. During TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, she acts dangerously by taking the Cyberium in and then giving it over to The Lone Cyberma,/Ashad. 

Thirteen deals with a lot of anger (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: Rosa, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: War of the Sontarans, TV: once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: Molten Heart)  Which gets worse after the destruction of Gallifrey and the retraumatization.

In TV: The Timeless Children we see a lot of a fight response coming out as anger. Starting with her interactions with The Master before the reveal. While commenting on The Master’s problems and his anger you can see and feel how she is angry and intentionally getting The Master worked up with her prodding. 

“Master: ... All gone now. Come on, ask me why I did this.

Doctor: Why did you do this?

Master: Not telling you. (laughs) Oh, crack a smile.

Doctor: Proud of yourself?

Master: Definitely.

Doctor: All this death finally made you happy?

Master: Ecstatic.

Doctor: And has it calmed all the rage?

Master: I don't think anything will ever do that. We're going to take a tour through the Capitol. Or its ruins, at least. Things I need to show you. And, er, I know you're worried about your friends. Plotting how to get away. I can see it in your eyes. But you can't help them, so don't even think about it”

Her reaction when faced with the memories of her abuse later in this episode causes a strong fight trauma response. She physically attacks The Master in an explosive outward response of anger. We know when The Doctor uses anything physical with her own body it is actions like Venusian Aikido that act as a quick disabling move versus these more unplanned and violent actions. It makes sense that this moment would push her over the edge, but it’s interesting to mark as we move forward. 

In TV: Revolution of The Daleks The Doctor tells Ryan about her anger after the events of her loss of Galifrey, people dying, the Timeless Children revelations and the interactions with The Master.

“Ryan: And The Master? What did he want with you?

Doctor: It doesn't even matter now.

Ryan: No, no, no. Don't give me that. Right? I see what you're doing. You're trying to avoid the subject. We've known each other long enough now. I know when something's changed.

Doctor: Me too. I'm not who I thought I was, Ryan. What I always knew to be the story of my life... isn't true. I wasn't born on Gallifrey. Where I'm from, all the lives I've lived, some of that has been hidden from me, and I don't even know how much.

Ryan: Seriously? And how do you feel about that?

Doctor: Mostly... angry. While I was locked away, all I kept thinking was, if I'm not who I thought I was, then who am I?

Ryan: You're The Doctor. Same as before, same as always.

Doctor: Right. Same Doctor, same Ryan. Nothing's changed.

Ryan: No. No. I didn't say that, did I? Things change all the time, and they should, cos they have to..."

This is an interesting conversation as it reveals the emotional state of The Doctor and how this emotional instability forces her to be willing to sacrifice a TARDIS, something we know has consciousness. Her fight response is very clear here, breaking through her common engaged and anxious headspace. 

Her anger and frustration can also come out cold, especially when dealing with people she doesn’t like. It heavily connects to a jaded sense of dealing with other people, she tries to be positive but there is anger and bitterness that highly impact her and can form an interesting dichotomy with her love and enjoyment. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, & Prose: The Good Doctor)

In TV: Rosa we see this ability to have her anger come across as cold, this allows her to stay in charge of a situation while still expressing her anger outwards to people she doesn’t trust or does not need/don’t deserve her to empathise with them like in TV: Rosa.

“Doctor: ...So, temporal displacement weapon. Horrible things. Can't stand them.

Krasko: Thank you.

Doctor: Not a compliment. Takes a lot of power to displace things in Time. I think you and I both know your weapon's pretty much out of juice. And I've got your spare battery. You've been leaving traces of residual Artron energy all over 1955.

Krasko: And what are you, the Artron Police? Maybe you are. The blue box in the alley. Is it a Tardis?

Doctor: Might be. What's it to you?

Krasko: Well, it could be worth a lot.

Doctor: Nah, not that one. Second hand, huge mileage, one careless owner. Mind you, it's better than a Vortex Manipulator, like the one on your wrist. Cheap and nasty time travel.

Doctor: So, what do you want with Rosa Parks?

Krasko: Who?

Doctor: Oh, now you're being annoying.

Krasko: The feeling's mutual.

Doctor: How long have you been here?

Krasko: Get out of Montgomery.

Doctor: You're not the first to say that to us.

Krasko: If I see any of you again, I will kill you.

Doctor: Don't threaten me.”

Her agitation, anxiety and hypervigilance can leave her in a very restless state. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, Comic: New Beginnings, & Comic: Alternating Current)

The Doctor shows a strong need to be in control of situations, when she isn’t able to have a handle on the situation it increases the above-mentioned stress symptoms. She also uses her cold anger to maintain her control. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Good Doctor, & Comic: Hidden Human History)

The above quote from TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum after the loss of her TARDIS also shows the need The Doctor has to control the staff of the ship as well as putting her needs above the others when in a distressed state. In TV: The Witchfinder we see how being perceived as female puts her in a space where she is seen as having to automatically be less powerful, she consistently pushes back, and while warranted the way she goes about it matches other times she tries to maintain control. 

In TV: Fugitive Of The Judoon we have the way she tries to control the situation when the Fugitive!Doctor is trying to handle things. Thirteen can’t help but try to be the one who is manipulating events. 

“Fugitive!Doctor: She's nobody.

Doctor: Fine. I'm nobody. Absolutely nobody. See, I know why you want her. You've got a contract, fair enough. But you? You want her dead because she left her job?

Fugitive!Doctor: Shut up.

Gat: Is that what she told you? This goes way higher than me.

Doctor: So, who would that be? Who are you all ultimately working for? I'd really like to know. Really.

Judoon: Information confidential.

Fugitive!Doctor: I told you to keep quiet.

Doctor And look where that's gotten us. Lots of guns in lots of faces.

Fugitive!Doctor: And have you got a better idea?

Doctor: I do, actually. My favourite. The curveball and the Judoon. You wanted to find The Doctor?

Fugitive!Doctor: Don't you dare.

Doctor: Well, here I am.

Fugitive!Doctor: Will you be quiet?

Doctor: Go on, scan me.

Judoon 2: Fugitive match positive. Fugitive match positive.

Fugitive!Doctor: Is there even a word for how dumb you are?

Doctor: Doctor?”

In TV: War of the Sontarans we see how The Doctor challenges the power structure out on the field of battle, knowing she is the best option for survival, as well as having a dislike for those in charge. The people she is around don’t trust her to handle what she can because of her perceived gender and her wanting to avoid violence on the soldiers. 

A way this control is sometimes maintained is through having a bravado of how she interacts with other people. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & Prose: Combat Magicks)

This can play into overconfidence like when she goes to face the Dalek in TV: The Eve of The Daleks getting her and her friends exterminated. This shows again in TV: Power of The Doctor when she takes time to gloat towards The Master and ends up getting shot and regenerating. 

In TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati we have an interesting comment on the power and control in her relationships and how it isn’t always something The Doctor wants but has become what they feel they have to do:

“Doctor: ... The world you came from, the world you were created in won't exist, so neither will you. It's not just his life at stake. It's yours. You want to sacrifice yourself for this? You want me to sacrifice you? You want to call it? Do it now. All of you. Yeah. Cos sometimes this team structure isn't flat. It's mountainous, with me at the summit in the stratosphere, alone, left to choose. Save the poet, save the universe. Watch people burn now or tomorrow. Sometimes, even I can't win.”

This line means The Doctor doesn’t like control, but shows that control has become compulsive and built into how they function on a base level. 

While Thirteen doesn’t talk about her past regenerations or the ideal of The Doctor it’s still a huge part of her schema. ‘The Doctor is an ideal can be seen in this Doctor even if she talks about it less than the previous regenerations. But her struggles with identity are still very visible before and after the Timeless Child. 

She seems somewhat afraid of who she is. As discussed above she kept a film between her and her companions which makes it easier for her to not have to fully face it. Some of this seems to stem from her introduction to this regeneration being born from the suicidal space Twelve lived in. As well as she has lost many companions in ways where they are cut off and the perceived betrayal of Missy. As well as her first adventure ending with Grace dying. Forming the idea of who she is while she is still 'fizzing'. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth)

Her strong identity issues spiral out of control after the loss of Gallifrey and then the Timeless Child. (TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & TV: The Vanquishers) 

In TV: Resolution we see The Doctor discuss her identity in terms of her long and horrible relationship with the Daleks. 

“Doctor: I learned how to think like a Dalek a long time ago.”

&

“Doctor: Oh, mate. I'm The Doctor. Ring any bells?”

She doesn't seem happy about her being able to understand Daleks, understandably she dislikes weapons and hides a lot of the violence-related trauma she has. Trying to integrate all of history is extremely hard for Thirteen who deeply wants to be a good and hopeful person. But in the second line when no one is looking at her she experiences glee in scaring the Dalek. She owns her name/title very strongly to get one up on the Dalek, but it hurts to do so when she would have to do more than threaten an enemy. 

Another key part of This Doctor’s characterization is a consistent need to present herself as hopeful and nice, moralising for herself and others,  and her history of connection to violence. She wants to consistently try and give people hope, even if her ability to feel it herself might be affected due to the stressful mindset her C-PTSD puts her in during the early part of her run and becomes stronger as time goes on.

Right off the bat in TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth we get a very prototypical Doctor quote while she is getting in touch with who is going to be. 

“Doctor: We're all capable of the most incredible change. We can evolve while still staying true to who we are.”

&

“Doctor: There's one thing I'm certain of. When people need help, I never refuse.”

A moment of trying to give others hope that is deeply genuine even with the grief overlaying it was in TV: Demons of The Punjab. During the wedding scene, she wants to believe and wants to be kind. And it was kind. She understands war, grief, and the loss of those closest to you. These are the moments when the silly old-time traveller is truly The Doctor. 

“Doctor: I know there aren't many certainties in any of our lives, but Umbreen, Prem, what I see you in you is the certainty you have in each other. Something I believe in my faith. Love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have, because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything. You both found love with each other. You believed in it, you fought for it, and you waited for it. And now, you're committing to it. Which makes you, right now, the two strongest people on this 

planet. Maybe in this universe.”

A similar situation happens in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum where The Doctor invokes hope in a way that is both being kind as well using the idea as an identity support. 

“Doctor: Thank you, Mabli. I'll be sure to tell them how brilliant you were.”

Mabil: You all were. Light in dark times.

Doctor: People prevail. Hope prevails.

During TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos we see her again invoke hope in a way that is slightly less meaningful and comes across as nicer than it does kind. It is part of a pattern she’s created for herself. 

“Doctor: None of us know for sure what's out there. That's why we keep looking. Keep your faith. Travel hopefully. The universe will surprise you... constantly”

This functions as a pillar of their identity, needing to be a positive person to embody “laugh hard, run fast, be kind.’ Part of her need for control, and having a tendency towards black-and-white thinking.

[kiraoho]

Doctor Who: One Small Change to Flux

This idea has been bugging me for two years now, so now you have to see it. Imagine:

e01: Halloween Apocalypse The Doctor has a vision, we don't see what it is. Naturally, she doesn't tell Yaz anything. Since that vision she starts acting strange: says random things, starts running away, calls Yaz an Ood a couple of times. At one point she urgently, like her life depends on it, sonics at... nothing (I imagine this particular shot taking place on Dan's street). It's not a burst, it's a gradual thing throughout the episode. It ends when the Flux finally hits the TARDIS at the end of e01.

------------------------

e05: The Survivors of the Flux Swarm and the Doctor have a huge discussion about morals.

Swarm: But then again, you wouldn't understand. How could you? How could you possibly comprehend the raw force of time?

The Doctor: I'm a Time Lord. Try me.

Swarm: (laughing) Time Lord... Your people, for all your talks of timeys and wimeys, are still such *linear* creatures. I wonder what it'd be like for you to truly experience time. Just... a touch...

He lightly touches the Doctor's temple. She screams in agony.

--------------------------

e06: The Vanquishers The Doctor is in... the TARDIS?

Yaz: Doctor! Doctor! Have you seen this? It's like the TARDIS is... leaking.

We've seen this already.

The Doctor sonics the leak fluid -- suddenly back she's on the Division station, soniccing around. No signs of Swarm. The station is falling apart.

The Doctor: What? Where is he?

She gets up and starts running sporadically, looking for an exit or a way out.

Yaz: Doctor! Where are you going? What's going on with you?

They're in Liverpool.

---------------------------

For a chunk of this episode (and e01) her timeline's folded on itself. She's experiencing two periods of time simultaneously.

For the rest of the episode, we see her irregular behavior in e01 make sense in e06 events. If the crew decides so, the two episodes could be timed just right in the editing so the episodes can be watched side-by-side, synchronized.

Maybe she's getting hints on what to do in e01 from the e06 events. This does require serious planning, and maybe one day I'll delve into writing it.

---------------------------

e06 epilogue. The Doctor and Yaz finally have a heart-to-heart. The Doctor has her hands behind her back, casually leaning back on the console.

The Doctor: I want to tell you everything.

Yaz: I'd like that.

Yaz leaves the console room to show Dan around.

The Doctor makes sure she's alone, then looks at her hands. She was right -- it's already started. Faint golden glow. She doesn't have much time.

She shakes her hands until the glow is gone. She won't tell Yaz until it's too late.

------------------------------

Also I feel setting this inevitable timer sets a better tone for the specials. Maybe the Doctor's initially happy to be stuck in a time loop with Yaz until she realizes what's going on.

Plus, the time itself wearing the Doctor down is an infinitely cooler cause of regeneration than the Master randomly shooting her.

---------------------------------

Bonus: The Power of the Doctor

The Master: I'm going old school, Doctor. A tribute to our elders. Do you remember the ultimate sanction for breaking our laws?

Pause.

The Master: Forced regeneration. They even did it to you once, didn't they? Well, maybe more than once, who knows? Not you.

The Doctor: You don't have the technology. The power requirements alone would be... colossal!

The Master: Oh, absolutely. Even a whole Cybermoon wouldn't cover it. Unless! The subject is on the brink of regeneration already!

The Doctor looks terrified. The Master is studying her reaction closely.

The Master: Yes. You know I'm right. I can see you doing the calculations in your head already. Don't bother. Already ahead of you.

---------------------------------

And now the whole plot happens because the Doctor was too stubborn to regenerate. It's her own character flaws biting her in the ass! Like fiction is supposed to function!

[otrtbs]

dinner fic not dining fic or whatever atrocity i just wrote

ahh!! yaz my beloved <3

so this is what i'm tackling next after tcb! there is jegulus and marylily and betrayals and lies and secrets and backstabbing that all takes place over one night. (which ik yk bc i ranted abt it to you v incoherently already) but it's going to be a fun lil character study where everyone sucks :)) anyWAZE here is a snippet of lily and her home where the dinner party to end all dinner parties will be held 😈

(wip game!)

[kits-ships]

ramo d'ulivo - chapter 1 of ?

ship(s): the master x olive x the doctor word count: 2,436 content warnings: plane crash, bombs, character has a panic attack (or two), a marriage/relationship ending poorly, overreacting/misunderstanding as a plot device notes: this episode is heavily inspired by the dw episode spyfall i. i followed the plot of the episode very closely, but only dialogue was copied. also, this is my 1,000th post!!

The air was stale and stagnant as the group stood in silence. Side eyes were exchanged between the humans, but no one had the confidence to speak up and ask why the Doctor seemed so taken aback.

“Mm.” O’s voice rumbled as a chuckle rose from deep within his throat. “Got me. Well done.”  Olive stood behind him with furrowed brows and tried to ignore the fear creeping up her spine. Once it reached the base of her skull, she shuddered. What was happening? Olive had only ever felt such a strong sense of unease in the presence of the Doctor’s most nefarious enemies, so why was it happening now? As far as she was aware, there were no Cybermen about, so she shouldn’t be getting the chills like this. Goosebumps spread over her arms and, as the hair on the back of her neck stood up, she suppressed a shiver. Graham finally broke the suffocating silence by speaking up.

“What’s going on, Doc?” He wondered, shifting his weight nervously as his blue eyes darted around the plane. He was doing his best to read everyone’s expressions, but he couldn’t tell what was wrong. It was just a simple slip-up between friends, right? After all, neither the Doctor nor O seemed particularly dangerous; their conversation had just become… uncomfortable. Everyone’s eyes turned to the Time Lord as they held their breath.

“I don’t know.” she breathed out. Olive bit her tongue. Something was wrong and the fact that she couldn’t pinpoint the source had her hearts pounding. O clasped his hands together and turned toward the window

“You’d better take a look outside.” The man grinned, flicking his head to the side. Olive mustered up enough courage to peek over his shoulder and gasped at the sight. The little home that he had shared with her for the past few months was flying alongside the plane; almost as if it’d been plucked from the Earth beneath them. What kind of weird, alien crap was going on now? Were the glowing humanoids behind this, or was O an entirely separate species? Had Olive been flirting with another alien?!

Graham didn’t seem very impressed by the whole ordeal.

“How’s your house out there?” he wondered out loud; almost as if he wasn’t fully comprehending the situation that was unfolding before them. From the corner of her eye, Olive could see her wife softly shake her head. Oh, this was bad; very, very bad. Her beloved Time Lord wasn’t pacing about or interrogating anyone- shouting to find an answer- which meant she was currently going through extreme, mental turmoil.

“A bit Wicked Witch of the West, but you get the gist.” O playfully shrugged before shooting a wink at Ryan. 

“No-” The Doctor murmured, studying the man’s face for anything that would tell her this was some cruel joke. A sudden, violent realization hit Olive like a brick wall and her knees nearly buckled from underneath her. Looking up at O, she felt ill.

“No!” The brunette echoed, stumbling back and bumping into the seat behind her. O’s grin spread wider and a crazed look took its place in his eyes.

“Oh, come on, Doctor- catch up. You can do it.”  Yaz shot a sideways glance to Graham, who looked beyond confused by this little fuss their group had gotten caught up in. She turned her head to Ryan and noted that he had the same look of dumbfoundedness on his face, telling her absolutely nothing about their current situation. Great. A light, breathy groan escaped past the Doctor’s lips and she suddenly wanted to bury her face in her hands and scream. She chose to restrain herself, however, and allowed her eyes to dart between ‘O’ and Olive. Her hearts dropped and she felt sick to her stomach.

“That’s my name and that,” he gestured to her face, “is why I chose it!” The man beamed, holding back a laugh as the Time Lord nearly doubled over in shock. “Oh, so satisfying.” he cooed. He turned and winked at Olive, who seemed just as stunned as her wife. The joy he felt as he watched panic wash over them was nearly impossible to contain and he began to bounce on his heels. “Doctor,” his teasing voice rang throughout the plane, “I did say, ‘look out for the spymaster.’ Or, should I say, spy… ‘Master?’” Olive leaned against the chair behind her and held a hand over her heart. It was beating so fast that it made her dizzy and she could barely tell that he’d given a small wave alongside his grand reveal. “Hi.” 

“You can’t be.” The Doctor whispered; her shoulders trembling with a mixture of fear and anger. Her brown eyes looked between the Master and her wife as she continued to absentmindedly shake her head. 

“Oh, I can be.” He purred. “I very much am.” Olive weakly lifted her head and felt her vision blur when she noticed the blonde woman staring at her. She shuddered.

“So what’s going on? He’s not really O?” Ryan asked, desperate to understand his friend’s odd behavior. Just as Graham was about to repeat his grandson’s question, the black-haired man looked over to the Doctor’s companions and smiled proudly. 

“I’m her greatest enemy.” He excitedly announced. “Call me Master.” The older man took a step back and looked confused by this sudden demand.

“Call you what?” He questioned; an incredulous look on his face. Ryan furrowed his brows together in disgust. 

“Master?” He murmured, trying to ignore just how weird their situation was becoming.

“Me and her go way, way, way, back. Olive and I, though, only go way back.” He grinned proudly as he glanced back at the brunette; only for him to raise an eyebrow when he noticed the two women making intense eye contact. Strangely enough, the human seemed terrified of her wife’s gaze; almost as if a bomb were about to detonate. Well, the Master thought to himself, there was a bomb about to detonate, but this one was a less interesting, metaphorical bomb. 

“Olive.” the Doctor whispered; her voice low and raspy. The shorter woman swallowed hard and nodded slightly; dreading what was to come. “You knew?!” she exploded, anger lacing her voice as she lurched forward. “You lied to us?” Sure, her wife had grown a soft spot for a handful of hostile, alien creatures in the past, but the Master always showed himself to be irredeemable. How could she have gone soft for him of all people? 

“No.” The girl replied, shaking her head in disbelief. “No- I didn’t, I-”

“How could you not know?!” The woman continued, scowling with hatred when the other Time Lord grinned at her wife. Sure, it would’ve hurt to have known that she’d accidentally collaborated with the Master, but to knowingly trust him was too far. After all, Olive had witnessed his cruelty firsthand; not only did she know he was a killer, but he’d kidnapped her multiple times! What stung the most, however, was the fact that Olive had once promised to always be on her side.

This cut far too deep for the Doctor to keep a level head; not only was everyone in danger, but Olive was supposed to be one of the only people she could trust. “You lived with him for months, Olive- months!” The woman opened her mouth to speak up for herself, but no words formed on her tongue. Instead of being able to deny her apparent betrayal in front of her life partner and friends, she was forced to hold back tears as fear welled up inside her. With a shaky breath, she did her best to collect herself and pushed her shoulders back. 

 “You don’t understand.” she whispered, her voice cracking. The man in front of her patted Olive on the back and he laughed as the situation unfolded. This hadn’t been a part of his plan, but the Master always loved getting to see the Doctor suffer, so he wasn’t going to complain.

“Tell me why.” The Doctor demanded- voice straining to hold back her anger and hurt. “Did you have a good reason? It’s certainly not hypnotism- he’s already tried and failed that.” The last sentence hung in the air for a few, agonizing moments before she spoke up again. “What have I done to you to deserve this?” Tears finally spilled down Olive’s cheeks and she shook her head. There was nothing she could say to quell her wife’s worries if she wasn’t willing to believe her.

“What about Barton?” Yaz interjected, growing increasingly more uncomfortable as the one-sided argument continued.

“Barton!” The Doctor gasped, jumping into action as if her panic had overridden her anger. She turned and darted down the aisle towards the cockpit, only to nearly collapse when he wasn’t there. With a quick once-over of the compartment, she returned to her friends who grimaced at the sight of her wild, wide-eyed look. “Where is he? What have you done to him?” The Master grinned and replied with a teasing shrug.

“Who’s flying the plane, then?” Graham blurted out, looking to Yaz and Ryan. He then lifted his head to see if the Doctor had an answer, only for the dark-eyed man in front of him to frown.

“Wrong question. Check the seat.” he said- chiding them for such a silly question. The other Time Lord ran back up the aisle and disappeared inside the cockpit, granting the group a moment to turn to Olive.  Her hands were visibly trembling and tears were streaming down her face as she struggled to catch her breath. Oh dear, the Master hummed to himself, I’ve never given her a panic attack before. What an honor. Out of her friends, Yaz in particular seemed extremely concerned for the woman and flew to her side.

“Olive?” she whispered, running a gentle hand over her shoulder. As expected, the brunette couldn’t form words and was only able to shake her head frantically. From the other room, the Doctor shouted in disbelief and everyone (excluding Olive) turned to face one another.

“Cockpit bomb!” The Master gleefully revealed. “Short fuse,” he turned to Ryan and gave him a playful nudge, “I can relate to that.” The Doctor ignored his rambling and quickly tore her Sonic from her pocket; aiming it at the bomb before activating it. 

The sound of the screwdriver seemed to send the strange man into hysterics as Graham watched him slam his fist into the chair next to him. “Now, did you really think I would not make that sonic-proof, Doctor?” He roared, spitting out the woman’s name as if it were a curse. She let out a frustrated noise in return. “Come on!” he shouted. “Deadlock sealed! And- I made sure- no parachutes on board.” 

“There must be a way!” The blonde cried, standing in the doorway with tousled hair and panic in her eyes. Yaz continued to rub small circles into Olive’s back; doing her best to comfort her despite the chaos unfolding around them.

“But where’s Barton?” She asked softly, trying not to induce any more panic within their little group. She made eye contact with Ryan, who began to scan the plane for any signs of the man. The Master turned and gave the woman a teasing smile. 

“Called off before take-off.” He said with a sing-song tone. “By me!” The man turned and approached Olive, causing Yaz to take a few, cautious steps back. He dropped to his knees beside her in an attempt to catch the girl’s gaze. “You looking to get out of here, Olive?” he teased; unable to hide his growing grin. “Cos I don’t have much faith you’d survive the crash. Human things, yeah? You understand.” She shook her head, but the Master patted her on the shoulder and ignored it. Graham took a step forward towards the two- ready to shove the Time Lord- but the man lept back and smiled to himself. “Just in case you do survive, meet these guys!” He spun on his heel and whistled- adding a snap for extra pizazz. On cue, two of the glowing humanoids manifested beside him and the Master gripped the seats on either side of him.

“I can’t!” The Doctor shouted from afar. “I can’t do it!” She turned and ran back to her friends before diving onto the floor; a loud boom splitting the air as a wave of heat washed over them. Ryan’s ears were ringing and he flinched from the scalding blast, but there was no time to recover. He soon found himself clutching onto the back of a chair, nails digging into the fabric as he prayed that he wouldn’t be expelled from the plane. With the cabin no longer pressurized, it felt as if all the air had been sucked from everyone’s lungs; practically forcing a scream out of their throats. It made for a rather rude interruption to Olive’s crying, but it certainly snapped her out of the fear-filled stupor she had been engulfed by. Her hand flew forwards to grab onto something- anything- only for her to feel warm skin touching hers. She immediately wanted to recoil- to get far away from the Master- but the adrenaline rushing through her refused to loosen her grip. The Time Lord gave a harsh laugh at the gesture and looked between the aliens and his rival.

“One last thing! There’s something you should know in the seconds before you die.” He shouted over the sound of wind rushing past them. The Doctor did her best to look up at him as she wrapped her arms around the armrest next to her. The Master paused to let the finality of his words sink in; the severity of them reinforced by the extreme turbulence and lack of oxygen. “Everything you think you know… is a lie.” Again, the Master grinned and Olive felt his hand spin to grab hers. Her heart began to pound harder, but she wasn’t sure if it was from her approaching death or the oddly gentle gesture. “Gotcha.” He hissed at the Doctor.

His free hand moved to reveal a small object from his pocket and joyously held it above his head as if he was mocking the humans. Despite stumbling in the wind, he held onto the girl and brought the device down to his face. As soon as he pressed the top with a dramatic flourish, Olive found herself on a cold, hard surface with a dull pain in her head. 

This, she imagined, was the afterlife.