#yall shoulda been there when I had that realization

[ukulelecrow]

me: oh cool! my favorite colors are red and yellow!

me: I wonder if I can pair them together, surely there couldn’t be something important that uses that particular color combination

me: wait

me: oh no

me:

[wonuwrites]

ot13’s reaction to “would you love me if I was a worm?” 🪱

Tbh idk what this is either but i got inspired after eating a cheesy gordita crunch and watched a bird look for food a few days ago so here ya go LMFAOOO

Warning: nothing really. blame taco bell.

also randomly putting songs on that came on for the people in case yall wanted new music to listen to <3

🪱 S. Coups: (Song Note: this song is so Seungcheol coded and I can't even tell you why lmaoooo)

"A worm?" "A worm," you said before taking a sip of your beverage. One of your favorite past times was asking Seungcheol stupid questions you'd see on tiktok and see his reaction. He always entertained them and you were thankful because both of you knew the answers meant NOTHING and that your relationship was solid. Or so you thought. "Well, if you were a worm I guess I would be a bird." "Excuse me!?" "Yeah, I'd be a bird." "Baby, birds eat worms though..." "Yeah and? Don't I do that every night anyway?" He asked while raising a cheeky eyebrow before taking a sip of his drink. You couldn't help but blush at his crude joke and hit his chest softly which caused him to laugh before pulling you close.

🪱 Jeonghan: (Song Note: im feeling nostalgic today~~ lmfaooooo)

To say you caught Jeonghan off guard is an understatement. You would be in the car with him listening to the radio in a comfortable silence when you just sprung the question on him. He half tempted to pull over and give you a genuine "what the fuck" face but instead he just scoffed and started to laugh. "Where did this question come from, (Y/N)?" He would question you. "Just answer, baby. Would you, Yoon Jeonghan, love me if I was a worm?" The use of his full name made him laugh before he just rubbed your thigh and glanced over at you. "Baby, I love you even when you act like a clown. I would love you no matter what."

🪱 Joshua: (Song Note: I got nothing but like yeehaw lmfaoooo. sorry Shua.)

Sometimes, Jisoo and you would give each other "silent treatments" when you were both play fighting and today, it was Jisoo's time to give you the treatment. Why? Well, you ate some leftovers he was thinking about for the last two hours and it killed his pride lolol. While he wasn't mad because truth be told, he was happy you remembered to eat, but still you should've known he was thinking about it because y'all were 'soulmates' or whatever. You rolled your eyes when you realized he was giving you the silent treatment as he started to make Ramen. You started to just playfully annoy him while wrapping your arms around him and just doing the yapping for both of you. He was close to cracking once you started but he finally lost it when you asked him "would you love me if I was a worm." When he didn't say yes right away, you then gave him the "silent treatment" and then it would be his turn to try to annoy you into talking to him.

🪱 Jun: (Song Note: ooo should I do a "sour" version of this? Someone tell me yes pls)

You honestly caught Jun off guard when you asked him. He would just stare at you confused before slowly nodding at you. When you laughed at his reaction it would make him even more confused. You would drop it shortly after you asked but he would think about it for awhile. Shoot, he might text some of the members for advice because well, you really stumped him hahaha. Before you both went to bed, he would roll over and whisper, "So... would you love me if I was a worm?" You would just roll your eyes before kissing him and telling him of course you would.

🪱 Hoshi: (Song Note: Stan BamBam for clear skin. This shoulda been the title imo.)

Soonyoung and you had a really goofy love life for the most part. Sure, you both had your "serious" moments but there was no questioning that you both knew how to be unserious. Today was one of those days. You both were laying on the couch together watching Spongebob. Soonyoung was mindlessly playing with your hair before you decided to hit him with such an important question for him. "Soonyoung?" "hmmm?" "Would you love me if I was a worm?" His hand would stop massaging your head for a minute while he thought about it. You fake gawked at him because he didn't answer as quick as you thought he should. Before you could scold him he would give you a smirk before wrapping his arms around you tight, "why be a worm when you can be a tigress, (y/n)? Let's be tigers forever and ever and ever." You would groan at the 'tiger agenda' but would laugh as he started kissing you all over your face.

🪱 Wonwoo: (Song Note: literally one of the most underrated songs to EVER exist.)

Wonwoo thought he would be safe from this question when it came to you. You see he had already been hit with this question from several members of the maknae line. *cough cough* Mingyu, Hansol, Seokmin, and Chan. *cough cough* so when y'all where getting ready for bed and you asked him he couldn't help but laugh which would make you so confused. He would just smile at you and find you so precious, "of course I would love you if you were a worm you lil cutie." He would give you a soft kiss before pulling you into his chest while you smiled stupidly and contently at his answer.

🪱 Woozi: (Song Note/Rant: If you are still sleeping on Ian you need to reevaluate your life because OMG.)

To be completely honest, I can see Jihoon just giving you a blank stare because his brain just went ???? he didn't know the trend and the question would break his brain. He didn't know what to say so he would just go "uhh sure?" You would fake sulk at his answer and he probably would text one of the younger members to ask for help. I can see Hansol being like "the answer is always yes!!! omg." LOL

🪱 DK: (Song Note: why do I want Seokmin to sing this to me to help me sleep at night? omg)

You would be sitting next to Seokmin on a park bench watching birds just be birds. You were both waiting for Soonyoung and his partner to meet you for a double date and were currently in a comfortable silence. That was until you asked him, "Seokminnie, would you still love me if I was a worm?" As you asked that, a bird had grabbed a worm from the ground and flew away. You both were flabbergasted at the timing and just broke down laughing together. Once you both calmed down he reminded you he'd always love you no matter the life time but for the rest of the day he would lovingly call you "bird food" as if it were a pet name which left Soonyoung and his partner hella confused lmaoooo.

🪱 Mingyu: (Song Note: Nelly will always be that girly for me <3)

One of MIngyu favorite errands to run with you was going grocery shopping. Just spending time with you while planning meals to eat with each other or grabbing snacks with his favorite snack just fueled him with so much happiness. You loved it too because when you were with him, you could turn your brain off and just be yourself. That's why Mingyu wasn't too surprised when you looked at gummy worms and deadpanned asked him, "Baby, if I was a worm would you still love me?" You couldn't see the loving smile he had on his face before he wrapped his arms around you from behind. "Of course, baby. You would be the prettiest and nicest worm to exist."

🪱 Minghao: (Song Note: ngl this might be a future song reaction thingy for my ot13 series I do.)

When you asked Minghao if he would "still love you if you were a worm" he would giggle at your question because duh. He's in this for life baby. He would tell you he would find the BESTEST dirt for you live in and would fight any birds that would try to eat you. It would honestly be just a giggle fest between the both of you.

🪱 Seungkwan: (Song Note: CLC deserved better.)

Seungkwan and you were staying in for the night and were both just hanging out while mindlessly scrolling on your phones. You then crossed a meme that reminded you of the "would you still love me if I was a worm" question. You decided now was the perfect time to make your lovable stud muffin to answer your question. Once you asked him he gave you a stank judgemental side eye before *respectfully* ignoring you. You kept scooting closer and asking him before he couldn't help but laugh and just saying "yes."

🪱 Vernon: (Song Note: When the remix is better than the original... Red Velvet wins always.)

To be real, Hansol was READY for this question. He had seen it on his fyp and knew it was only a matter of time before you would waddle over and ask him if you would still love him if you were a worm. He would be doing whatever Hansol does and just say "yes, I would love you if you were a worm." and also "yes I promise." He would find it very funny when you were pleased by his answer.

🪱 Dino: (Song Note: this song has no business being as much of a bop as it is.)

Chan could go two different ways lmao. He would either laugh at the question before saying "of course I would, but would you love ME?" Or, he would overthink it. Were you an Earthworm? A gummy worm? A pinworm that would be a pain in the ass? He just had to know. Soon you both would be ranking worms and would forget about the question hahaha.

btw just wanted yall to know how committed to writing Chan's part I was:

I forgot what they were called LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Anyways, which one was your favorite? Mine personally was Seokmin's. I feel like I've been writing so many sad things for him lately so it's been nice to write something super cute like that. <3

Hope yall enjoyed <3 if yall were worms, I would love you all :)

[quiveringdeer]

Attention Minors and folks under 25 tbh:

Yo, what's up. So we all know you can lie about the numbers in your profile--I did it before turning 18 and I'm sure many other now grown folks have to.

That said, I wanna drop some guidelines cause this has just been on my mind a bunch with the way all the big push of "do not interact" signs, blocking, and toxic purity culture resurgence of the past few years.

Please mind the do not interacts of folks I reblog and interact with content of

You've gotta be mindful of the differences between works of fiction and real life but also understand that the more of something you consume, the more it can impact the way you view the world

I post and reblog stuff that is often sexual as well as dark in nature. The intended audience are other adults mid 20s+. The reason I say this is because of research pertaining to the below statement.

Though the brain may be done growing in size, it does not finish developing and maturing until the mid- to late 20s. The front part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last brain regions to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and controlling impulses. Because these skills are still developing, teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviors without considering the potential results of their decisions.

Some of us are forced to grow up too fast--in a multitude of ways, as cliche and obnoxious as it sounds from an older person, don't be in a rush to grow up too soon. Especially when it comes to sexual things. You're gonna do whatever you're gonna do, but I encourage you to really use the time prior to your mid 20s -hell even beyond- to explore yourself, by yourself.

Gonna level with you I had my first real physically intimate experience with someone when I was 25 and still look back on it that I shoulda waited. I was caught up in "finally getting it over with" and honestly the hype isn't all that. (this may also be my probably aegosexuality havin ass at play here) --Point is, you got time!

Another thing that may make some roll their eyes--You probably think you're hella grown and mature for your age. And you may be right. But I assure you, as you get older you'll look back and realize there is and was, plenty of room left to grow and mature. This goes for 16 -> 18 -> 21 -> 25 -> 30 etc. I'm currently 31 and I can see a big difference in how I think and view the world and myself within it than I did even four years ago. And am constantly learning new things that alter my world view every day.

Digital stuff makes it easy to isolate yourself and for others to isolate you with them. Be mindful of the folks you let get close to you.

Opening up to folks online has always been easier for me, the internet really became big and accessible in the early 2000s when I was still a teen, I was really lucky my many dumb decisions didn't get me hurt physically or mentally. I can't emphasize being cautious and skeptic of people enough.

I'm not a health professional in any sense of the word but I am an educator who mainly works with younger folks and I just wanna be up front with yall. Ask box with anon is open. I'm not promising to be your shoulder to lean on or internet aunty but I do wanna be supportive in the capacity I have.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Synopsis: First Lady and her husband Jack Harlow are the latest celebrities to be interviewed by Yung MiamiAHHHHHH I BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE🤭

You turned around and were eyeing your husband who was shirtless, had one sock on, along with his boxers. And you were thoroughly confused. Honey what are you dressed for?!? Some issue for playboy magazine that I didn’t know abt?!? 🤨

“Okay! Matching outfits! I see yall! This is one of my favorite couples in the entire universe, not even going to lie. SAME GURL SAME!! 🤭

The only thing that anyone needs to know is that I knew when we first met that she was my wife so why am I going to sit around and wait? Best decision I ever made.” Awwww YOU TELL’EM ZADDY 🥹

something in me realized that the feeling of panic that I had over the thought of losing her, I never wanted to feel again. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have her in my life. That moment solidified it.” Awwwww I’m fuckin cryin bro 😭 I ain’t used to them bein all vulnerable, where the nasty shit at?!?😭

“Are the two of you a part of the mile high club?”Nowwww what kind of question is that? Have you met these lil freaky fuckers 😭

“No, riding him like a rodeo all day is my go to.” AYYYYY like the city girl said “IMMA RIDE U LIKE A RODEO 👅

“All down my throat, baby. I’m ready.” THROAT BABYYYYY. They shoulda added FL to the remix wit JT 🤭

“I’ve heard that you and Jack’s best friend, who I also learned was yours too, are very close. Anything happening over there?”👀🫣😏🤭🧍🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️😦😌…

“I lost count after three.”ME ONE DAYYYY. Not today tho, ya girl still a Mary 🫣

“Jack, have you ever dropped her during shower sex?” I WISH HE WOULD 🩴 he got one time to do it & I’ll whoop dat ass

I missed seeing you in my inbox lol 🥰

Always making me laugh

That's Jackman's boo and he will tell anyone who will listen lmaooo

These two do NOT care anywhere and everywhere

I am very tempted to write the mile high club fic so we can see Urban's reaction since he was the only one awake lmao

And this takes place before FL knew about Yasmin so that's why she isn't mentioned

Jack almost lost his footing and sent her flying into the shower wall 😭😭😭

[mylifeasmills]

If you wanna be somebody..

I hope that all the people close to me got here. I hope that all the people who support and admire my views came through as well. To get straight to it, Im a new nigga (person). I say this because Im separating myself from all things that serve me no positive purpose in life. And this time Im standing on it. Why? Its bigger than me now. I been fighting for years to get some kind of understanding. So many times I wanted to blame everybody else for my own storm of shit. I wondered so many nights what the problem was. Im not sure how it never dawned on me walking past the mirror. Whole time I’ve been my own worst enemy. Subconsciously answering all of my own questions, just to ignore them and make the mistake I could’ve avoided. For years, Ive surrounded myself with people that were spiraling just like myself. Maybe different situations, but the same attitudes. Ive listened to peoples problems and walked away knowing that they were to blame. But I never had the gall to tell them so. Instead I was enabling them which makes me realize that this sword has two edges. Im just as good for them as they are for me. Ive been lost. But its almost like Ive chosen to be. I sat around and drank my early 30’s away, when I shoulda been BECOMING. All yall out there that told me yall believed in me.. told me I was destined to be a star.. Yall were fucking right. But when cant nobody stop you, guess who can stop you. I owe an apology to my devoted supporters. I took your words, your well wishes, your money.. and I invested it into failure. Whats making a couple hundred dollars off your art if you just gon blow tha shit on Liquor. Whats sitting through a conversation about your greatness, If the words are only fuel for you to belittle others. You aint shit.. just yet. Sometimes it takes going to the rock bottom.. and I mean ROCK BOTTOM to begin to realize that nothing was ever guaranteed. Our greats didn’t become great just because they were good at what they did. They became great because they realized early that they had to protect their dreams. They learned to sacrifice. They learned patience. You think Mike (any one of em) was sittin around gettin fucked up 24/7 when they were chasing their dreams? Denzel? Spike Lee? Na. Its been a long hard fight with self doubt, alcoholism, and fornication. Alcoholism being tha demon that held them all together. It cant have me no more. Im not sure what God has in store for me. Im not sure if Ive f**ked it up yet. But I am sure that I won’t allow that toxicity to keep me away from what’s coming my way movin forward. Im grateful to be here to tell you about some of what Ive been learning from experience these last couple years. And I hope that I inspire you in some kind of way. That part of my journey is complete and Im happy to be stepping into a brighter space. If I ever did anything to offend any of you in these past couple Years, take it light on me. I was prob drunk. Wont happen again.

[thebuttsmcgee]

[makanidotdot]

I would like to share the story of “Hush, Tyrande”.

It occurs in one of the Caverns of Time dungeons, Well of Eternity, where you go back to the first demon invasion and fight with Illidan and later Tyrande to right the past or whatever.  Tyrande helps you on the final boss, then Malfurion, who’s done dick all, shows up at the end and replies to Tyrande saying “Malfurion-!” with “HUSH Tyrande.  Where is Illidan?”

 It’s a single line in the game at the end of a dungeon, why does it matter?  Well, there were articles written about it, Blizzard had to change a boat name because of it, at least one guild is named after it. It’s solidly achieved meme status in the community.  Collapsed-vacuum skulled dudebros HUEHUEHEU about it because a woman (and significant other) is getting told to shut up. Everyone else is like wow, I guess Malfurion is an asshole, or, he’s not supposed to be an asshole, and Blizz is just stupid or sexist and doesn’t realize how bad it sounds.  

Welp, now that I am cursed with the knowledge of the awful but endearing WOTA books from which this scene is taken word for word from, I feel like I should shed some light on what must have actually occurred to make that dungeon performance the way it is.  Especially because, in all my googling, I see people making jokes about the line, I see people complain about it and how horrible Malfurion is, there’s people complaining that people would complain about it....but I could not find anyone point out the fact that IT’S ACTUALLY COMPLETELY WRONG AND NOT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK.  

I'm reminded of this old gem:

So, here’s the scene:  The Sundering had just begun, the Well is starting to go apeshit.  The following scene is Azshara making her deal with N’zoth, so yeah.  Tyrande and Ilidan are trying to make their way out of the city, as they are very close to the well.  Malfurion shows up on Ysera to get them out.  Malfurion has not seen either of them in person since the previous book, when Tyrande was captured and he got all guilty and depressed.  Anyway, here you go, slightly edited to remove exposition Knaak is inexplicably putting in at the end of the book.  I have provided some visuals.

So.  Just in case someone wants to argue that it’s still him telling her to shut up, let me also say that, this author uses “Hush” a lot.  He never uses “Shh”, or you know.. describes what doesn’t need to be voiced (lol).  I don’t want to subject yall to more Knaakwardness than I need too, but it’s clear this is meant to be comforting and kind based on the rest of his writing.  In fact, an example is when the reverse situation occurs in the previous book, after Malf gets punched in the brain by Archimonde:

Like, she’s actually being sweet to him in this scene. She is not telling him to STFU.  

But as you might imagine...... with no context, and if you’d never read any of the books and JUST read what was in quotation marks.... you could easily think uh I guess he’s telling her to be quiet.  So, this was a case of whatever game “”“”writer”””” was directing the recording session definitely had not read the books, didn’t know or care what the context was, and must have just thought it was a given Malfurion would talk to Tyrande like that.

And you MIGHT also think that all the stuff Illidan is saying in this dungeon is just supposed to just be cool and edgy, and NOT being said by a lil whiny shit who’s been being a total tool to Tyrande throughout this escape and blaming all their problems on Malfurion.  As a nice little bit of final irony, a lot of responses to Well of Eternity Malfurion is “See!  Shoulda picked Illidan!”, while, at one point in the book, Illidan is LITERALLY silences Tyrande with magic because he gets annoyed with her.    

What I’m trying to say is.... the Well of Eternity dungeon was ghost directed by Illidan.

But I am also saying the dungeon is one hilarious, blatant example of someone just writing down out of context lines and devs not knowing lore and characters or giving a shit.

THank you for coming to my tebtalk

[robinrunsfiction]

To The Vows You Take - Chapter 3

(I’m putting this back up since I already had it posted, yall just get extra today)

Chapter 2

It was New Year's Eve and Frank was pacing the dressing room. The band was playing in the middle of Time Square on the biggest New Year's show, and it was a huge deal. He was usually a ball of energy before a show, but it was even worse that night because he was waiting for (YN) to arrive so they could talk. It wasn't like her to be late to anything ever, so he'd started to worry.

Suddenly she burst through the door. "Sorry sorry sorry!"

"There you are, we were getting worried!" Ray said with a smile.

"The girl I went to to get my hair done was running late, I shoulda just done it myself like normal," she shook her head.

"Plenty of time," Mikey said nonchalantly from where he was sitting on the couch, warming up with his bass.

"I wanted to look good because everyone and their grandma watches this!" She said almost falling over as she tried to pull off her snow boot. 

Frank grabbed her arm to steady her. "You look good," he said quietly.

"Thanks," she smiled up at him as she pulled off the other boot, just to change into a more appropriate pair of shoes to play in.

As the band sat and waited for their turn to play, they pondered how cold it had gotten outside, if the crowd was as big as it seemed on the TV, and if they could get their hands on some of the 2007 party glasses everyone was wearing. However Frank was just wondering when he'd get a chance to talk to (YN) alone.

“My Chem, you have five minutes,” a production assistant called in the door and everyone started to get bundled up to go outdoors.

The performances went by in a blur of cold air and cheering people in the street below, and soon they were rushing back inside to get warm. After packing back up, they were whisked off to a hotel suite overlooking Time Square where their label was throwing a party.  

Frank got a drink from the bar and looked around, the crowd was full of people he had never met before, and wasn’t really interested in getting to know. Before he could get pulled into a conversation he wasn’t interested in, he spotted (YN). She was off to the side from the rest of the crowd, looking around as if she was searching for someone. When she made eye contact with him, her face lit up as she waved him over.

"So," she started.

"So," he replied, taking a sip of his drink to keep his voice from wavering.

"Does the offer still stand?"

Frank thought his heart was gonna leap out of his chest, but he tried to keep calm. "Yep, offer is still on the table."

"Then yes," she said with a light laugh. "Let's get married."

Frank laughed as well, but only to control the fact that he felt like he could start crying tears of happiness "Well when do you wanna do it?"

"We're in Vegas March 7th," she shrugged. "I bet Elvis will be available."

"Did you look that up, or do you just have the schedule memorized?"

(YN) rolled her eyes. "You know I always memorize the tour schedule."

"What a nerd," he teased.

"Yea, but I'm your nerd," she retorted, before blushing. "I mean."

"I know what you mean," he shrugged. "You always have been."

"Exactly," she nodded quickly. 

"March 7th it is then," Frank agreed. "Do we wanna tell the guys or wait?"

"Let's surprise them," she said with a wicked grin.

"Sounds like a plan," he snickered.

"It's almost midnight!" Someone shouted and the crowd started chanting, ticking away the last seconds of 2006.

(YN) sighed, but Frank realized it was a contented sigh. She looked really happy. And beautiful and smart and kind and funny and-

"Kiss at midnight? Ya know, practice for the big day?' Her question pulled him out of his head and he wondered if he was staring.

"Of course," he smiled.

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6," the crowd cheered in the distance. She glanced at his lips as he started leaning in. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Happy new year!"

His lips pressed against hers as fireworks burst outside the window beside them. He felt her hands against his chest and he thought she was about to push him away, but she wasn't. Instead it was like she was clinging to him.

When they pulled back, her cheeks were flushed. "Happy new year," she breathed.

"Happy new year," he replied. 

At the very least it was gonna be an interesting year.

~

The whirlwind of touring began quickly after the new year. (YN) and Frank were doing a good job keeping things relatively normal in front of the others, staying focused on the shows, press, and everything that was going on. But when (YN) was alone in her bunk on the bus, she’d fall asleep thinking about what the future with Frank might hold.

Finally it was March 6th, and (YN) found herself practically buzzing with excitement. It seemed like every time she and Frank made eye contact, they would both start giggling about their shared secret. Finally they got a moment alone in the green room after soundcheck.

“I still can’t believe we’re getting married tomorrow,” she laughed lightly. “Do you think our 16 year old selves had any idea where we’d be at this point in our lives?”

“I really hoped to be successful, but I don’t think I ever dreamed this big,” he shook his head. “But umm, I wanna-”

Frank was cut off by Mikey poking his head in the door. “Hey, can you guys come here?”

(YN) and Frank exchanged confused looks but followed him into the hall where a whole crowd was assembled,

"Can I get everyone's attention?" Mikey shouted. Everyone quieted to look at the younger Way brother. He was beaming as he stood with his arm around Alicia, who had flown in the day before. "Tomorrow before the show, me and Alicia are gonna get married and we want you all to be there."

(YN)'s eyes went wide and she looked to Frank who looked equally surprised. She felt like she had the wind knocked out of her.

"Congrats man!" Ray was the first to break the silence, and everyone joined in congratulating and cheering for the couple.

"We can't do it tomorrow anymore," (YN) whispered to Frank, panic rising up in her voice.

"I agree. But we'll do it later, it’ll be fine."

"Right, no you’re right," she nodded. "I'm trying to think when we'll be back in Vegas. I know we’re in Reno before we go to Europe."

"Don't worry about it too much," he said calmly, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Yea, you're right," she nodded and tried to force a smile in return, but she couldn’t help feeling like her heart was breaking. More than anything she was wondering if he was happy to have an out from their agreement.

Chapter 4

[lovebug5151]

It happened again

Alrighty! I managed to type this out in record time once i saw This Comic by @grians-of-salt and it inspired me! This is some angst and fluff including Grian and Grumbot and Jrumbot. I might actually write more of this because I love the interaction they had.

Wow 1510 words. Im pretty happy with this, Hope yall are too!

Uhh Spoilers for Grians newest video. This also contains mentions of NPG and RobotGrian.

It was the night after Voting day, and everything was quiet. Everyone had voted, and the next day the Hermits would begin taking down all their Mayoral campaigns. There was one person awake, however. Flying quickly towards the Shopping district, needing to remedy a problem they had caused.

As Grian landed and stared up at the broken Grumbot, he too felt broken. He didn’t know how much Grumbot had heard when he was breaking down, but he hoped he hadn’t heard their laughter. His was shocked, horrified laughter, and he was too caught up in his horror to listen to Mumbos laughter. God he hoped it had been horrified, and not giggly laughter. The only thoughts that had been running through his head were ‘Not again. I did it again. Not again. Not again. No no no no no no no! Not again!’ He had been in shock the rest of the day. He couldn't even remember who he had voted for, though he thought it wasnt Mumbo.

He shook his head and took a deep breath, as he couldn’t stand there forever, he needed to get this done. There was a reason he decided to do this at night after all. Grian went to the back of Grumbot, and opened up the latch to see the inner mechanics. He had the thought that being short actually helped for once, and smiled vaguely. He searched for a moment, before finding it. 

He’d had Mumbo explain everything he was doing to make Grumbots AI, and explain all the parts to creating him entirely. He wanted to learn, to get better. This object was the main part to Grumbot. His Heart, or his Motherboard, whatever you wanted to call it. It contained who he was. It contained how he acted, how he thought, everything to make him a person. Because he was a person. He wasn't just a robot. Grian had made that mistake twice already, and wasn't about to do it again.

Grian moved forward carefully, seeing all the wires and smoking parts, until he reached the Heart. He looked it over, his past of building robots helping him to unplug it safely. Once he had unplugged it he picked it up to carry it outside. It was heavy, but he could handle it. It was too precious to drop. Once he was out in the open, he carefully put it in a shulker. The shulker had things to soften the fall if Grian did drop it. 

Once he did that, and picked the shulker up, he also headed to Jrumbot. He opened the back of the shop, to show a smaller Heart. This one was only to protect the shop, or was supposed to be. Grian carefully picked This one up too, not wanting to break either. 

As he headed back to his base, only one thought was in his head. ‘I can’t let this happen again… I won’t let this happen again.’

Grumbot felt… something, when he was booting up again. He didn’t know what it was, hasn’t been able to live long enough to know what it was. But something  he did know was that his Dad's voice was murmuring to him. 

“There we go. Your booting up. I hope you like this body, uhh, I hope I did good, I’m sure I can fix anything if i did do something wrong…” 

Grumbot opened his eyes to see Grian staring at him. Grian smiled softly, nervously, and said “hi Grumbot, how are you feeling?” 

It took him a moment, but Grumbot accessed the area that let him speak, as he suddenly had one, and didn’t have to communicate through paper.

“I- am alright. What- happened Dad?”

He managed to stammer out brokenly. When he asked what happened, he saw Grian’s eyes flash with sadness. 

“When, when we asked you what to do for the election on voting day, you,” he paused as if searching for a word. “You melted. You were panicking, and overheating, and you broke.” His voice broke and trembled on the last word.

Grumbot froze hearing that. He then remembered, and looked down before he spoke. “You, you were laughing. Both of you were laughing.” He sounded hurt, and it was only the sob from Grian that made his head raise. 

Grian had tears coming out of his eyes, and was shaking. He lunged forward to hug Grumbot as he started trying to talk. 

“I-I’m so (sob) so sorry Gru- (sob) Grumbot! We (sob) we shoulda been able to help! We- we couldn’t and you (sob) you got hurt, and I’m sorry, I shou- (sob) should have protected you, I shouldn’t have laughed I’m sorry, I’m so sorry son, I’m (sob) I’m so sorry”

He was clutching onto Grumbots shoulders, and Grumbot slowly brought his hands up to hug Grian back. 

“I-it’s okay Dad I-“ 

“It’s not okay!” Grian suddenly yelled out, letting go of Grumbot to look at him “I should have stopped Mumbo from laughing! I shouldn’t have laughed! We shouldn’t have pushed all this mayor stuff onto you! We- we shouldn’t have done that to you, you’re,” he paused here, tears were still streaming down his face, and Grumbot knew that Grian didn’t mean to laugh. He was hurt by his own reaction. “You're just a kid.” Grian murmured. “You shouldn’t have had to worry about anything like that.”

Grumbot hugged him, and felt Grian freeze. “I forgive you dad.” He was crying now too. “It’s not your fault!” Grian sobbed again, and hugged him back, and they stayed like that for a couple minutes. 

“Umm,” Grian muttered, pulling out of the hug. “I uhh, I built you a body. As you, can, uh tell.” He chuckled awkwardly. “It’s closer to human size, and uhh, you're welcome to change it however you want cause, it’s your body. Umm, I made you a voice box, and I built you some stuff to help you move, you have extendo arms and legs, that was uhh, that was fun to build.” He laughed, and was about to start rambling again when Grumbot grabbed his arm.

 “Can you help me walk?” Grumbot asked, kinda embarrassed he couldn't do it automatically. Grian laughed quietly and nodded. 

“Sure. Here lemme just-” He grabbed Grumbots arms, and helped him slide off the table he was on. Grumbot stood up tall, and realized he was at least a foot taller than Grian. He giggled quietly and Grian smiled at him. “Yeah, I wanted you to still be tall ya’know?”

Grumbot started taking small steps as Grian stayed nearby. Once Grumbot was able to walk all around the room they were in, and jump and crouch, Grian took a breath.

“Oh, another thing Grumbot.” Grian started talking and Grumbot turned around to look at him. Grian took a deep breath before saying “I also grabbed Jrumbots Heart, though he didn't have as much AI coding, and I wasn't sure where to go with it. I built his body, but didn’t want to mess up more AI’s so I wanted to know if you wanted to help me make him a full AI.”

Grumbot paused for a moment before nodding. “I would like Jrumbot to be able to move and be alive too. This is way better than being stuck in one place!”

Grian laughed softly and nodded. “I know what you mean buddy.”

Once Grumbot got more coordination down, they started working on Jrumbot. He actually wasn't missing as much as Grian had thought, and was able to be brought alive rather quickly.

As Jrumbot booted up, Grumbot looked at the body Grian made for Jrumbot. It was small, probably a head smaller than Grian. He looked more childlike, and cute, than Grumbot did, as he was built after his first look.

Jrumbot beeped as he raised his head, and his eyes clicked and lit up.

“Hi Jrumbot,” Grian murmured smiling, “How do you feel?”

Jrumbot giggled and squirmed, much like a child would, and said “I feel good! Hi dad! Hi Brother!”

Both of them smiled at how Jrumbot had chosen to call them, and Grumbot reached over to pick Jrumbot up. He smiled down at Jrumbot and Grian smiled at both of them.

After making sure all of Jrumbots motor skills were working, and nothing was breaking, they went up into Grian’s mansion. The lowest floor was actually a floor with lots of rooms, instead of it being just a place for farms it was a house. Grian led them into a living room, and they all curled up on the couch, all falling into a nap.

While later would be time for Grian to explain about Mumbo, and why they had to hide for a bit, now was peaceful, calm, and quiet.

Before he fell asleep, Grian made a promise to himself. He would never make the same mistakes he made with NPG and RoboG with these two. He would make sure these two knew they were loved, and that he would never leave them without a fight.

------------------------

Yeah! Hope yall liked this, I will hopefully post more Dad!Grian to Grumbot and Jrumbot because I really like writing them.

[gailardiagalan]

I WROTE SOMETHIG FOR VALENTINES DAY

(its small and not rlly finished but i hope yall enjoy)

The restaurant Aegis worked at was bustling today because it was Valentine’s Day. It was the first time he had worked on the holiday and he had never seen so many couples. It didn’t help that there was a special couples discount; as if the place wasn’t cheap enough as is. Aegis came home exhausted from work; he immediately sat on the couch so he could rest his feet.

Aegis let his mind race and his eyes watered a bit. What if Vicious already found someone else? What if he had completely lost interest? The fight they had, how he treated him…

He shook his head and grabbed his phone; he needed to calm down. Automatically, while wiping his eyes, Aegis scrolled to Vicious in his contacts and hadn’t realized until his thumb was hovering over the call button. He stared at his phone and took a deep breath. He didn’t realize how tight his chest felt.

Aegis pressed the call button and lifted his phone to his ear. The rings on the other end felt like they lasted forever. Just when he thought it would go to voicemail, Vicious answered.

“Yeah? Need somethin’?” There was an odd softness to his voice. He sounded tired; like he just woke up.

“Hey, um…” Aegis had a lump in his throat, but somehow he kept his words steady, “Are you...are you available at the moment?”

There was a sigh on the other end, “Need me to come over?” Aegis heard a bit of rustling; Vicious was just now getting out of bed.

“If you could, please…”

Another sigh, “Yeah alright, I’ll be right over.”

Vicious hung up and Aegis only just now realized how tight his grip on the couch cushion was. He breathed and let go, only now he’s not sure what to do with his hand. He put his phone down and put both his hands in his lap.

Was it a bad idea to call Vicious over? He just woke up, why did he have to call him? What if he’s grumpy because he woke him up? Is he still mad at him for last week? How mad? Did he hate him? Why did he call if he knew he hated him? Why did he agree to come over? There was a knock and Aegis didn’t notice he was rocking back and forth until he had to stand up and answer the door.

“Hey...woah--” Vicious stumbled back a bit when Aegis hugged him. The college student’s eyes watered a little.

“You could at least wait ‘til I’m inside, sweetheart,” Vicious teased, “‘S only been a week and yer already that eager, huh?”

Vicious felt Aegis’s grip around him tighten just a tad, and now he knew Aegis was upset.

“I’m sorry, I just-- I should have been more considerate of your feelings, I--” Aegis felt the other’s hand softly rub his back.

Vicious sighed, but it was one of relief.

“...I shoulda just told ya why I wasn’t up fer that,” His voice was surprisingly gentle, “Not like you can read minds or someshit…”

Aegis pulled back a bit and looked up at Vicious, “But I should have noticed you weren’t interested; I should have asked why you were distant sooner and--”

“I shoulda just told ya,” Vicious interrupted, “This ain’t yer fault, Aegis.”

[extreme-technicality]

does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down

DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES

Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant

S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.

S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember

Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.

S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.

S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao

S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better

S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him

Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!

S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -

S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude

S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!

S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao

Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!

[minijeong]

i just read some of your dance analysis posts and whoa you're so cool skdjhsdf !!!!!!! well i was wondering, since fiesta has been out for quite some time and they also posted the dance practice vid, what are your thoughts on it choreo-wise?? u should answer this only if u have time though!!! (ps i love ur posts btw! they inspire me to make gifs too hehe keep it up! ^^)

HAHA thank you!!! i appreciate you appreciating my thoughts adkfjsa come join izonetwork if you want to hear more 🥰

i actually went wild about the choreo when it came out so i guess this is a good opportunity to re-evaluate now that i’m calm LOL. thoughts below the cut!

(yall insp me to make gifs too 😭😭)

to sort of premise my thoughts on the dance, i want to say that i really think fiesta set a new standard for gg dances. most of the time, gg dances that are praised are honestly not tHAT interesting to me… not to say that their work is for naught, but as someone who has seen a lot of dances of different levels, gg dances tend to fall flat in choreography and execution. ggs are usually not taught to use grooves or textures as basics, and companies dont want to spend effort teaching them to do so. then they are restricted to choosing choreographers that tend to make choreographies with “arms and legs”, and barely any torso movement besides basic body rolls or chest rolls. on top of that, they are usually given restricted outfits that make the dancing even more underwhelming for me and then i just prefer bgs for dance :( to be honest, even recent gg dances that people have been wowed at have not really been… that interesting for me either because of execution or choreography or both, but i dont want to mention them because i dont want to disregard the work of any idols! i respect them all and hope you will just take my word for it haha

i just watched the dance practice again and honestly the first thing that i think of is that the choreographers really put a lot of time and effort into this. usually to keep things dynamic, i try to change formations every 8-16 counts in a competitive set. this isnt usually something you see in kpop, but the choreographers had a lot of formation changes going on every 8 counts, and most of them werent just simple center or window changes… very nice. the use of stage was nice as well, and varying the number of members on stage at once is a good way to keep things dynamic. there are also points in the choreography that match the lyrics with movements that would normally be cheesy, but it ended up not being cheesy because the formations were so nice e.g. yujin’s first line using a waking up gesture, but having the other girls do level changes and fan their arms out… i enjoy that a lot

another thing i want to comment on about the choreography that is kind of rare to see in gg dances is the use of textures and how the musicality changes. to understand this, the intro is a good example. if you really listen to the music and match it with the choreography, you can tell that the choreographers try to follow a different instrument every 4-8 counts, and this is something i really value and look for as a choreographer. the choreography for fiesta isn’t just a simple one that follows an 8 count strictly (e.g. one that would probably look fine to any song as long as you follow the beat), and i appreciate that a lot

at the same time, izone gets equal credit, because theyre able to see it and interpret the choreography in relation to the music, showing that they have understanding and appreciation of textures and musicality in dance. i think this can be attributed to chaeyeon eunbi and yena and this is an asset in making a dance performance interesting

the only feedback i have about the choreography is that the formations are usually centered and the girls are usually brought up one by one either by walking up or being hidden behind a member that goes down when it is their part. it would be a lot more interesting if the attention was moved around with more variety, like having the attention move from one side of the stage to another. when done well this could be very interesting. the only place i see this happen is minju’s part at the beginning of the bridge

moving away from choreography, and before i talk about the girls, i just want to mention that i feel the stylists are very mindful about izone’s mobility while dancing this comeback. the outfits are generally easy to move in, and the part that stands out to me the most is the shoes. in the comeback show, they were wearing boots, which are easier to dance in than other shoes that ggs usually wear. in the other stages where the stylists have them wear heels, those are the best heels you can wear for dancing lol (boot heels). a lot of dancers i know who have to dance in heels use boot heels because those are the most comfortable to dance in, and give proper ankle support to keep you safe. i also found that the outfits from the comeback show (although many people thought they werent flattering for the girls individually) worked really well with the dance, like when the camerawork showed an arial view

ok now for izone

i think for this comeback, my favourite member to watch is yena. this choreography has a lot more musical complexity this time around, and i think this is yenas greatest strength. to kind of show what i mean, i watch yenas fancam and see how well you can hear the music from her movements, and then watch another member, and it just doesnt match the same. (but also i have a weird thing where i can basically “hear” when someone moves, so it might be a personal thing lol. try it out anyway!). 

another person i notice is eunbi. normally the choreography and concept is softer or cuter, so eunbi hasnt really been able to show off her strength, but there are parts in this choreo that let eunbi really go off and it feels like she literally slaps me in the face when she hits lol. good example of this is in the comeback show at her last part… that hip hit… i actually felt like she punched me lol… thats when i realized that eunbi could beat me up in an instant she is so strong lol…

other things i noticed… hitomi sakura and nako’s musicality has improved, yujin is learning to dance as a tall person (match your levels with shorter people… it’s a skill LOL), hyewon and nako are learning to put more strength in their movements (my heart flipped when i saw), and izone is really unified when they are in good condition. i say good condition because idk about you, but in the first week of their performances, watching them made me feel kind of uneasy. i could feel their anxiousness from the way they moved and from the looks in their eyes and i could eunbi being dizzy and losing balance and it made me sad… esp compared to comeback show. in comeback show, you can see that they have the same fire in their eyes, that they really are performing as one, and thats honestly what you want to aim for when you are dancing as a group

but for the show, izone really hit different… the fire was coming back and i watched it like ten times… i think the best part is seeing the fire in the eyes of members you dont really see it from, like minju and nako. not to say that they dont perform well because this isnt what i mean at all, but their intensity and focus made me feel their genuine effort on stage and i loved it. theres just a Look that dancers have when their condition is good and they’re performing better than usual. and there’s just this Vibe that a team gives off when things are going Right. it’s really hard to explain because it’s not really something you practice, but it’s just when your hearts match and everyone is on the same page and when you dance with your team the energy you share with your team and the energy you have on the stage is literally TANGIBLE. there is really no other way i can find to explain it, and im honestly normally a super sciency person… but this is just something i will never be able to explain… 

the only thing about that performance was that they performed with such energy and intensity that they kind of lost it after the bridge LOL. there are times in choreographies when you’re really tired and theres a resting point and ur adrenaline dies down a bit and ur like shit im tired LOL. and you can kind of see that happen… yena seems tired, and then the formation kind of gets messy,,, but it’s understandable because that jumping is tiring looool

if i had to give izone some constructive feedback:

the pathing for some of the arms in certain parts of the choreo are not the same, so it gets a little messy and loses effect. i know this is something they can fix if they know how to though, since there are other arm parts that are very clean

the timing for some of the canons need to be cleaned up.. i understand this is very hard though. the choreographers gave them pretty quickly timed canons that dont really follow any part of the music. this is generally really hard on the people in the middle vs. the people at the beginning and end who have it easier knowing exactly when to start and stop their movement (google dance canon if you dont know what im talking about)

it would be best if izone learned to pace themselves throughout the performance while keeping the focus and intensity. e.g. if youre going hard all the time, youll run out of energy real quick, so usually when dancers perform they kind of gauge when they put in 80% effort vs 110%, so the performance can have ups and down, and they wont get tired that much. this is honestly hard though and im still working on it hehe i get excited really easily and then halfway im wheezing like holy shit i shoulda calmed down LOL

to make things cleaner, it would be best if some members adjusted their height more e.g. wonyoung esp when they are near nako LOL it’s tough but yea it’s a skill… i got yelled at for like 6 months before i learned so

some formations need to be adjusted e.g. the last one, yuri and hitomi need to move out a bit to adjust to the formation change for the end formation. sakura is actually quite attentive and readjusts her formation mid movement to fix the line - this just needs to happen on the other side now

some random things i noticed:

yena has clean hands and arms and i appreciate this

their facial expressions change collectively at some parts e.g. minju’s first part, they all start smiling and their dance gets light and it’s cute. also during yenas rap in so curious they collectively get more serious and i like that uwu

if chaewon stomps on me one more time in the beginning ill probably cry 

i really like the crossing behind wonyoung with their arms up (at the beginning) that goes into the hits (yena hits HARD) and then the hair flip canon (this is always so good omg)

my dance friend acknowledged this choreo, like its good can confirm

that leg part where they go down in the chorus is hard lol i was talking to my dance friend like yea if i had to do that in a set id quit like i cant man LOL

i miss chaeyeon’s chest hit that was in the mv during her part she doesnt do it anymore :cry:

more members are figuring out how to spot during spins and SO AM I i feel an emotional connection LMAO

after wizones were worrying about members’ knees, they started being more cautious when doing the floor part and i thought that was the sweetest thing ever

if youre still here, thanks for coming to my ted talk and thanks for supporting my blog and caring if i have time etc etc etc my anons are always always so sweet qq

[randomliven]

WARNING LONG POST HEAVY SPOILERS

Episode4. Play back rewatch

*Open scene Montrose

*Drinking. Going through the memories of his mind

He drinks and still he remembers it all

*God Smites Eve

*2:12 "Give this to tic protect our family" GEORGE

*The Order of the ancient dawn

*You might be all Tic has left

*"Smells like Tulsa

*Bitcx better have my money

*Christina glides through cars

* Black arrow (nods it off)

*leti was ready

*Bitcx tried to walk in like she own the place

*the protection spell works 'akirum

She seemed impressed and snide

*your money (leti realizes where the money came from

**L: "You want something in this house. Something to. do with Atticus"

**Ct: "Dont let the men fool you into thinking its Always about them. "

**His blood may have power but thats only because itus spelled it that way. Hes Not Special. Not really

Christina is a Snitch

*"If he keeps operating like this hes going to get you killed "Again"

(she looks sincere) (im telling yall xtina did this before)

* "I dont want that. Or this house. I just want the orrery"

(To discover a world of first) (chritina dont lie withold yes)

You can get the Fuck up off my Porch

Call me

*Hippolyta calls her daddy... She has the Orrery

She smart as hell

*The new comic diana drawing..outta this universe

Moves and predicts the relative position of planets

*leti tells tic about tina paying for house

*Tic with holds information from leti

*knows tina used tic to kill father

tic was go kill her then just leave

Lil boy with Coke bottle glasses ( just like tic but not tic

*two sets of pages still exist

*the orrery is the key

(using the orrery to go into another world to find his pages)

Titus kept it hidden

*Casting spells to protect

*ask ya daddy " i dont want yall involved"

(Sound like his daddy when they saved him)

They in the back

Every time i tell you to do something yo do the opposite

*" how you kno its 34 lodges"

*"I cant help you kill yourself. You cant see this game she is setting up for you to play"

(Montrose and Christina have done this before.. I cant wait till the final. I need to kno)

*"Looking for answers you already have"

Boston

*"I know where to find that dame vault"

Christina plays hide and seek for the first time

Christina screaming "Im safe."

The police arrive for her to take her to ...

Lancaster

*She didnt mention leti being in the house specie or tic

Says convince "hyrum"

*she knows there is someone in the closet right away

*xtina says time machine

* " let "negros" move in..(vs niggers) cocky

Take my lodges

*did i miss your initiation into the order..

No cunts allowed

The silent fight

Let go. You told me to let go

Hyp suspicious

It so happens to be at a astrology museum

Tree

Ruby walks into Marshal fields

"Work like kobe just to shine like Russel"

Sees Tamara

"Yes yesterday"

"I applied on a whim"

Boston

Lights of the universe

Leti's face watching rose go with the guard

*"u kno y they call me tree"

"Shouldnt i already kno that since we fuc in highschool simore" rolls eye at that liar

True story: Harriet chariot

*MY MAMA NAMED THAT COMET

*Many artefacts Titus was giving in exchange for striping away everything they knew

(Stolen after killing, probably raping and enslaving the native people)

*tree hints at Montrose being gay to tic

Tic questions how mon knows the guard

The vault

*Christina pulls up goes around the gate

(William comes out 30seconds later, yes we kno the skin change happens in seconds seeing ruby change, BUT HOW IN THE HELL did xtina put on a whole suite down to the tie that quick)

Do they not kno william cuz then lancaster wouldnt have known it wasnt xtina when he dies.

She kick they ass

*William says i have a Date

Find a way to open it

Montrose finds the moonlight

How old is this museum

*"This is some journey to the center of the earth type shit"(name of book coke bottle kid in library was reading)

3tunnels

Ever the tide shall rise

Map of titus voyage's..

No telling Letitia fuc N lewis No

Dont help me

Yellow

*Based on adventure novels the tunnels should be based on the map.

*How you know he raided Diana

"I read a damn book

*1810 it was built

Established the sons of Adam 3yrs later

*Whats down the other tunnel?

The lantern being there

Ruby drowning her blues away to a half empty bar

Is copper considered a yellow

Voluptuousness

*I cant afford another one

Blues eyes got ya tab tonight

*A nod. A gulp

*"May i join you?" They dont sit

Keep my glass full"...

*Yall white boys dont come to the dark side for modesty (demanding woman

* i can buy my own drinks ( pride)

Take a bit more to impress me White Boy

*Never insult you to make you a kept woman

* promise me the world to lay with me

*a promise i can keep

(All she needs is the orrery & she literally can give Ruby Many worlds)

The way they look at Ruby

*20min of walking

Walking the plank

Tic brave

Tf me 1st

Learned how to lie

*juneteenth

* "FREEMEN WERE NEVER SLAVES"

She out there

Spider senses

Tic has training

Booby trap

Big fucking deal

The bored starts to disappear

Jump pop

Better catch me Boy. (I got ya kid)

Now they can run shuffle

Montrose knows the combination

Jessie owens

*The tide rising.. Less than an hr

Ruby "got there 1st, shoulda been me but i let Leti distract me"

They sat there all night

*"Whoes leti"

(i dont think Christina knew leti Nd Ruby were sisters before that moment based on willtinas expression

*"my half sister" (willtina Gulps (becoming a signature

* if i was in your skin i wouldnt even have to run"

*what to do about it?

William with them eyes.

*"Better stop looking at me like that, It Aint happening

White Boy"

I Put a Spell on You plays

Ruby want it

(Im more than sure this is Willtinas 1st time, also wonder if so as a woman. Possible leti was a virgin)

Willtina looked confused by the blood. Primal reaction

Ruby in control

William excited, whoa lip biting

The mark of Cain. Big Dic Energy

*" How you kno so much about the sons of adam?"

* george gave me the bylaws i burned it

My brother said protect the family. His dying wish

(Was to give Tic the book, but you cant tell Montrose what to do with his son)

Closing Pandoras box once Nd for good

You wont stop

*Leti finds the neighbors body who went missing

*Chicago to Boston 14hr drive

(They walk 20min to the plank maybe another 20 to yahima)

*sees elevator come down, looks familiar

*Epistien was apart of the order prob chasing the pages... He was missing an arm

This might get dangerous

*he was kidnapped. I Died.

*"not the center of the fucking universe"

Leti can swim too

*Fatherly advice

Ya mama was complicated too

*all that fussing is loving

*Epstein day look like he was missing an arm and like a drowned victim

I don't think Christina knew about the tunnels or at least she knew that she couldn't open them

Black folk dont watch bones come alive & just stare

*reaches. (Back the fuc up

* they have the same symbol on their stomach. The Regeneration spell

*yahima Woman man two spirit

*had no reason to distrust him

ALWAYS HUNGRY

*he killed them all (stole they shii) enslaved

Tic look like Will Smith as a fish in shark tail

*she dont know my spirit

Montrose Takes pages anyway (i think knowing booby trap)

. Grabs yama

*montrose drops the pages purposefully

Like damn leti. Grabbing for her

The kiss. The scream. The knockout

*how did they get back without woodie

*is that your dad's atlas

*devon county circled. Ardum reaper. Hyp makes a detour

*siren. Ill figure out how to help her talk

*"You were brave boy. Grew to be a good man spite me"

*he already had the plan

Damn montrose

[jawnjendes]

i’m tired too | shawn mendes

university au summer vacay babey, shawn x goth gf

*******just letting yall know that the chapter before this, girl you’re trouble did not appear in the tags when i posted it, so if u havent read it go ahead and do that now :P

masterlist | series playlist

My tongue was between my teeth as I focused on my reflection in my little compact mirror. Carefully, I filled in my eyebrow with dark brown powder, ignoring the people sitting on either side of me on the couch. Having two sets of eyes on me made it hard to carve out the enhanced version of my face, though. I tried to shift in my seat to get them to focus on literally anything else, but neither of them let up.

“She’s so good at that,” Mom said in admiration. She was sitting on my left.

“Isn’t she?” Shawn agreed in the same tone. He was on my right.

I paused and sighed. The previous evening, Aaliyah pointed out that my mom and her brother had some uncanny similarities. I thought she was just bringing light to the fact that they both… adore me. But they had the same mannerisms, like talking with their hands. They were both optimistic as well, unlike me… and my dad. I pretended not to see any similarities until now. I was just glad Aaliyah wasn’t here now to triumph in her discovery.

“Are you guys gonna do this the whole time?” I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Well, you’re so pretty,” Shawn said, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek.

I leaned away from his touch. “I just did my foundation!”

My mom laughed. “She won’t let you touch her either! I’m glad it’s not just me!”

Shawn gave me a surprised look. He learned just a little too much about me in the last twenty four hours, and it wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

Luckily, my dad, who had been scrolling through his phone on the other side of the couch, piped up. “Shawn, I heard you play guitar?”

That started the music conversation. I was glad to have the attention off of me for once, all anyone asked me about these days was my stupid hospital stay. Plus, I could finish my makeup in peace. Not to mention, Shawn was still convulsing and crying in his sleep, so things were… not ideal at the moment. But he got to talk about his love of music, which was something my dad could relate to.

“You know, I used to be in a rock band,” he said. “Back in eighty-seven, me and my buddies played shows from my parents’ garage. That’s how I met Lucy. She was standing at the front of the audience for every show. We only had about ten people attend if we were lucky, but she was always there.”

Mom placed her hands over her chest fondly. “I think music has a beautiful way of bringing people together.”

You wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at my mother, but she lived for heavy metal. She was the one who introduced me to the symphonic metal bands I listen to now.

“Oh, a hundred percent,” Shawn agreed. Then he told me parents that he and I met at one of his shows at a coffee shop.

Today was much more calm than the last. My parents slept on it, and they decided that they were just happy that I was live. I was just glad they stayed at a hotel, too. I couldn’t imagine being holed up with them after not living with them for a majority of two years. I also wouldn’t know how to explain why my boyfriend was yelling in his sleep every hour.

I really did miss my mom and dad. It kicked in when they had to go home at the end of the week. I was supposed to be home too. None of this was supposed to happen this way.

~

After my parents were gone, I was able to get around the apartment by myself. I didn’t need a babysitter anymore, so I tried to be happy about that. However, my incisions still kept me from doing anything strenuous, which meant I had no excuse not to return to work anymore. Most of what I did was sit behind a desk in a tiny office, so I made my first day back that Friday. I figured I might as well make some type of income to, you know, pay for my books for the next semester and uhhhhhh fucking live. I had to find my independence again somehow.

Anyway, my first day back at work was as mundane as it always was. It was like I wasn’t even gone for three weeks. Stacy gave me a professional “welcome back” and then hit me with the work I missed that I needed to catch up on. I spent the morning adding up gas receipts, entering vehicle information into the computer, and booking service appointments over the phone.

In the afternoon, Jason and Luca came in for their shifts. They approached the window of the office and stopped in their tracks.

“You’re here?” Jason asked in disbelief. “Weren’t you quitting?”

Clearly, no one knew or cared where I had been lately. I mean, I must have told Stacy to keep it confidential while I was high on morphine. Even then, I wasn’t exactly popular here.

“I had surgery, and now I can’t hop on a plane home,” I explained shortly.

“Oh, so you were dying and you weren’t planning on telling us?” Luca said, holding a hand up to my face in a dramatic fashion. “How dare you.”

I blinked once and then got back to adding numbers from the stack of receipts. The two of them entered the office, and that was when another question popped into my mind.

“Who covered me while I was gone?”

“Not me!” Jason said as he went to his desk at the back of the office.

Luca stood by mine and puckered his lips like he was thinking to himself. That said it all for me.

“Shoulda known.” I rolled my eyes. “Not a goddamn thing was done, and it’s month-end.”

“Hey, Stacy told me to book appointments,” Luca said defensively. “I lost commission these last few weeks because of that. I sell cars. I’m no receptionist.”

Bet he didn’t even book appointments either. Bet Stacy told him to cover all of my responsibilities. Luca just did not give a flying fuck about anything.

I spent my lunch hour in the car. Normally, Shawn would have come to meet me so we could eat together… or not eat. He was working too, though, and from the texts he sent me, he had been working on a flower arrangement for a wedding. He was going to be busy all day. When did we become a boring, married couple?

“You’ll never believe who they put to cover me while I was out,” I typed out in a text to Shawn. I munched on my white rice as I sent it.

“Who?!” he replied within a few minutes. I could almost hear the enthusiasm.

“Fucking Luca. He did fuck all, so I have a bunch to catch up on. Plus, it’s the end of the month, so we all have to close a bunch of sales and warranties and all this other boring crap. I’ll be home a little late.” Send. More white rice. God, I’m tired of rice.

My phone buzzed again while I was scrolling on Instagram. Shawn had replied. “Aw. Ok hon. I’m gonna have a couple of friends over tonight, just letting you know. Some of them want to see how you’re doing.”

“Ok. I’ll see you at home.”

“Love that you see my place as a home now :)”

Uhhhhhhhhh… Who’s gonna tell him? Who has to remind him that I was staying at his place for convenience, because I am recovering from a surgery? That I literally almost died and my complications kept me from travelling long distance…? Who’s gonna tell him?

~

I was horrifically fatigued when I got home. I seemed to have forgotten that stressing over numbers and annoying phone calls was mentally straining. Maybe travelling by car wasn’t a great idea either, but how could I not drive? I had a job to go to. I had an apartment to get back to. As I walked up to the front door, I wished that I didn’t have to worry about things like income and bills to pay. I just wanted to lie down and not get up again.

Walking into the apartment, I realized I probably wouldn’t even get to do that.

First of all, the door was unlocked. Shawn had given me a key, but apparently I didn’t need it this time. I was met with music and laughter as stepped over the threshold. I found people, strangers, when I peered into the kitchen.

It was a small kitchen, but there were five frat boy looking guys all holding plastic red cups. Among them were three breathtakingly pretty brunettes. I’m talking Instagram models, wearing sparkling crop tops and skin tight leggings. They were all laughing about something until they saw me at the doorway.

“Rock on, emo queen,” one of the frat boys said, holding up the rock and roll sign.

Yeah. Even in my work uniform, which was a button up with the company name on, was in fact black. Not to mention, the eyeliner I had put on in the morning smudged so much throughout the day that I now looking like a raccoon having a mental breakdown.

Awkwardly, I continued padding down the hall, finding more people standing and talking amongst themselves. Again, more ridiculously pretty girls and their dates. All I could smell was weed. I tried to keep a stink eye off my face, but it was the only thing that made people move out of the way so I could get to the living room.

Finally, there were people I recognized. Brian, Connor, Teddy, and Shawn were among a bigger group of strangers sat on the L-shaped couch. So this was a couple of friends?

Shawn noticed me first and raised his arms in the air, making me notice the red cup in his hand. “Look who’s here!”

That caused several pairs of eyes to turn to me, causing me to feign a smile. Everyone raised their drinks and cheered. Oh god, I was in a room of drunk toddlers. I was in a whole ass apartment of drunk toddlers. And my fucking boyfriend was the toddler hosting the other toddlers.

“Come, sit here,” Shawn said, waving me over. “I missed you!”

I still felt awkward and tired and far from the vibe everyone else was currently on. I stepped over and went to take the empty space next to Shawn, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap. My face went hot at the gesture, but not because of the affection, or the fact that he chose to rest his hands on top of my thighs. His chin rested on my shoulder, and I could smell the alcohol in his breath. Oh jeez.

“Man, let your girl breathe!” Brian joked, seeing the discomfort on my face.

“It’s fine,” I said sheepishly. I noticed several empty plastic cups and shot glasses on the coffee table. It wasn’t even ten o’clock yet.

“Yeah,” Shawn agreed, “I mean, I’d sit on her lap, but my poor baby had surgery. Wouldn’t wanna hurt her.”

Before I could retort, Teddy spoke up. She, too, had her own cup and was very obviously under the influence. “Oh yeah! How did that go? What even happened?”

I was going to reluctantly explain, but Shawn spoke for me again.

“My little fighter looked death in the face and said ‘fuck you!’”

Several gasps and fascinated expressions came from the group on the couch. I resisted the urge to plant my face in my hands. There goes my business, out in the open for everyone to put their noses into.

“You almost died?” Connor asked in shock.

“Ooh, story time!” Teddy announced. “Spill! Now!”

Been home for ten minutes, and I was not in my pajamas lying under the covers. For me, this was a couple of steps away from a worst case scenario. All eyes on me, expected to talk about things I wanted to keep quiet about. And it was all prompted by my drunk boyfriend, of all people.

“I had a bowel resection, and then I hemorrhaged,” I explained curtly. Then, I moved Shawn’s hands off my thighs and got to my feet. “And now I have to stay here and recover for the whole summer. The end.”

Some people booed at the length of my story. I’m sure I was expected to tell an awesome tale about the battle against my infected guts, but I was really not in the mood for that. I had to tell the story twice at work, and that was enough for me.  I didn’t really care about being a massive party pooper at the moment.

“Baby, where you going?” asked Shawn as I stepped away from the group.

I sighed and turned back to him. “I’m gonna change out of my uniform, and then I’m going to sleep.”

He pouted and got up to approach me. He came up close, so things felt a little more private. “Come have fun with me. We never have fun anymore.”

The plea in his voice was a jab straight to the heart. But I couldn’t find it in me to change my mind and stay with him.

“I’m not really in a party mood,” I said apologetically. “I had a long day, I’m really tired.”

Shawn’s face fell even more. His hazy, tipsy eyes filled with concern. “You want me to kick everyone out? I’ll do it! I’ll do it right now!”

I quickly got ahold of his wrist before he could rally the troops. I already had enough guilt on my shoulders. “No! No, no, no, don’t do that.” I held his hand in both of mine, and I ran my fingers over the swallow tattoo. “Have fun with your friends. You’re right, things haven’t been fun lately, and I’m sorry for that. You deserve a good time, even if I’m not there. Just have a drink for me, okay?”

He could have put out some things about how the party would be better if I was there. He could have sweet talked me into sitting on his lap again for the whole night. Instead, he squeezed my hand and said, “Straight tequila, right?”

Relief washed over me. “Yes. Remember to drink water too.”

“I gotchu, honey.”  Then, he leaned in a pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “Keep the bed warm for me.”

The taste of alcohol on his lips made me one percent more likely to join him in the festivities. The other ninety nine percent yeeted my ass to the bedroom. Once I was alone, the crushing feeling of deliberate isolation sent me to the surface of the bed.

I was the type of tired that kept me from actually sleeping. I could sleep through plenty of external noise, living in a college dorm was enough experience. It was just my foggy brain and burning throat getting in the way. I grabbed my Switch from the nightstand and played Smash Bros, tuning out the sounds of people having a better time than me.

Every so often, I heard people cheering or chanting, “chug, chug, chug!” I remained curled up in bed, fighting people online to get my frustrations out. Taylor Swift’s Love Story came on around 1AM and everyone screamed the lyrics, while I brought my t-shirt to the bridge of my nose to catch oncoming tears. I felt guilty and selfish every moment I wished Shawn was here to spoon me til I fell asleep. He spent so much time worrying about me, he deserved to forget it all once in a while. God knows I wanted to do the same, but my insides were still recovering.

I had put my Switch away and I was lying on my side by the time people were saying their goodbyes out in the apartment. Some guy was praising Shawn for having such “epic parties” as they put it. Weird, this was the first party of his that I witnessed. We’ve been together just over six months. How much of himself was he holding back because of me?

“Whoo!” I heard Shawn yell, followed by a glass shattering loudly.

The sound woke me up a little. Meaning, my legs got me standing and dashing out to the living room. My eyes scanned the place, which was now vacant of people and full of trash, but I found Shawn sitting on the floor just outside the hallway.

The place was a mess. Half empty cups, food, and mysterious stains covered every surface in the apartment. I was only worried about my boyfriend.

“Hey, cutie,” I said affectionately, bending down so we were at eye level.

Shawn’s eyes were hooded, but sparkling. He gave me a toothy grin and held up a peace sign.

Then, Teddy emerged from the kitchen. “Oh, did I wake you? I dropped a cup, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t exactly sleeping,” I told her, still looking at Shawn. I waved my hand in front of his face, only for him to blink slowly. “Uh, how much has he had to drink?”

Teddy chewed her lip as she thought about it. “I lost count after his fourth shot.”

“My girlfriend told me to have ten tequilas,” Shawn slurred, belching right after. “I think I had like, six.”

I held my breath and waved off the stench. Someone was in for a long night, longer than normal. I didn’t think he would take me seriously, but then again, I did not tell him to have ten shots of straight tequila.

“Oh yeah, he mixed his liquor too,” Teddy said.

I sighed and moved Shawn’s long arm over my shoulders. “Okay, vamos mi chulo. Let’s get you to bed.”

Teddy stepped in to help get the six foot toddler to his feet. Shawn stumbled and swayed, his long arms hanging heavily on our shoulders. I baby talked him as we slowly strolled to the bedroom, and I told Teddy I could take it from there.

Shawn burped again as we got closer to the bed, and he groaned. “Ugh… this isn’t fun anymore.”

“Okay, let’s go to the bathroom,” I said, steering him the other way.

It took a minute to get him positioned in front of the toilet. It took less than a second for him to lean over the bowl and return everything he drank. As much as the sights and sounds of vomiting brought me dark and lonely flashbacks, I went and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I rubbed Shawn’s back and practically waited for it to end.

Once that was overwith, I really couldn’t go back to sleep. I managed to lay Shawn down on the mattress. The sparkle in his eyes was gone, now replaced with chilling emptiness. I took the liberty of pulling his leather boots off his feet, and I removed his socks as well. Then, I draped the comforter over his long body.

“Stay with me,” Shawn mumbled, his arm reaching out to me. “Let’s forget all the bad shit…”

It seems that no amount of alcohol could make him not think about the last couple of weeks. My heart began to ache all over again.

“Go to sleep, okay?” I said gently. “I’ll be with you when you go to sleep.”

Shawn whined. “You always die in my sleep. I love you too much to let you go.”

I had a feeling that that’s what he had been dreaming about. But I really could not get myself to lie down with him. I was too antsy from the vomiting.

“Wait for me, okay?” I told him, stroking his hair. “I’m only gonna be a few minutes, and I’ll come back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He’s drunk. He’s going to sleep no matter what.

Once Shawn was all tucked into bed, I left the room and quietly shut the door behind me. In the living room, Teddy was picking up plastic cups and shoving them into a giant trash bag. I really wasn’t expecting her to still be here. Wordlessly, I began helping her clean up. Anything to get my beating heart to slow down.

“What were you doing this whole time if you weren’t sleeping?” she asked me. “Was the music too loud?”

“No. It wasn’t anything from the party,” I replied, scooping up paper plates and used napkins. “Just had a long day. I wasn’t in the mood for a party.”

“Oh.”

She glanced at me a couple of times as she dumped more trash into the bag. This was supposed to be the part where I bare my soul to my boyfriend’s friend and make her my friend, but… Enough of my business was out there already.

Teddy, however, was persistent. “So, how come you didn’t want visitors at the hospital? Or when you got out, for that matter?”

I busied myself with fixing the sofa cushions so I could come up with a decent answer. “Uh, I like my privacy. Especially in moments where things are messy.”

“Hm. Well, aren’t messy moments the times when you need friends the most?”

That thought lingered in the air as we continued tidying up the living room. I could have had my video game club friends there, or Shawn’s friends, but instead I left most of the burden to Shawn himself. What kind of a person am I?

At last, Teddy got the last of the garbage in the bag, and she tied it shut. Then, we moved onto the kitchen. More cups, spilled booze, and the broken glass from earlier. Oh, how I did not miss house parties. I was at the prime age of partying, being 21. I should have been the type to be as drunk as my boyfriend was, to just have fun and forget the stresses of life. But I found myself on a completely different level than the people who were here tonight.

“Do you stay up late often?” Teddy asked, trying to fill the silence yet again.

We both paused as the sounds of loud, monotonous humming came from the bedroom. Teddy scrunched her brow and tilted her head. My shoulders tensed with chills, like ice cold water had been spilled down the back of my shirt.

“To answer your question,” I told her, “yes.”

She followed me to the room, but she stayed at the doorway while I went to Shawn’s quivering body.

“Baby, wake up,” I said urgently, shaking his arm. “Wake up, it’s only a dream, baby…”

He was on his back, head moving from side to side in harsh moments. He groaned, completely spastic, so I coaxed him some more.

My voice shook. “Shawn… please. I’m here, please-”

His eyes flew open with a loud gasp. He sat up, breathing hard and fast. I placed my hands on his broad shoulders, getting his attention.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Brown eyes were wide with panic, and then sadness. Within a second, they were filling with tears, and Shawn was wrapping his arms around my waist. With a shaky sob, he buried his head in my neck and cried quietly.

I had a pained looked on my face while he wasn’t looking. I just held him and stroked his hair. I was whispering the things I always said when he was in this state. “You’re safe with me. It was just a dream, it’s not real.”

I was able to coax him back to sleep for the time being. It was only going to happen again, though. I didn’t know how to stop it from happening.

When I stepped out of the room again, I leaned against the wall by the doorway. Teddy was gone, probably fled the uncomfortable situation. Can’t say I blame her. I sighed heavily and brought the palms of my hands to my misty eyes. I was beyond exhausted now. I was at a loss.

A hand went on my shoulder all of a sudden, making me jump. I looked up, finding that Teddy was still here, glass of water in her hand. Her blue eyes were concerned and upset, like the world had just ended in front of her. I pushed past the feelings, though.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were still here,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Uh, did you need a ride home?”

She shook her head and held up the glass. “My fiance is coming soon. Here, drink.”

I offered a weak smile and accepted the gesture. As I sipped, Teddy said something that threw me off.

“He told me he was handling his nightmares. Had it all taken care of.”

“Why would he say that?” I asked in return.

“Didn’t want anyone to worry, I’m guessing. But I can see how tired he is. I can see how shaken up he is. I mean, he never goes as hard as he did tonight with the liquor. And worst of all, he hasn’t written a song in weeks. He hasn’t been in the studio at all.”

And it was my own damn fault.

“Does he tell you what he dreams about?” I dared to ask.

“No,” Teddy said. “I don’t think he tells anybody. I think he needs something beyond our help.”

“You’re right. I need to talk to him about this, because I know he’s not gonna talk to me.”

She placed her both her hands on my shoulders. “Hey. I’ve seen Shawn with quite a few girls over the last couple of years. I’ve never seen him head over heels until you came along. He loves you so much, he can’t fathom the idea of losing you. He loves you so much that he won’t talk to you about this because he doesn’t want you to feel bad.”

I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make me feel better, because I was barely coherent as I spoke. “I already do…”

~

For once, I was up and running before Shawn was. His last nightmare happened around six in the morning, and after that he slept normally. The hangover probably had something to do with that. I left him a glass of water and painkillers on the nightstand, and then I went to the kitchen to attempt a type of breakfast.

By the time had eggs scrambled on a plate, Shawn was stumbling out of the room, glass of water in hand. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and then he ran his fingers through his curly hair. He was still in the navy blue t-shirt he wore last night, but he ditched his jeans and went for the underwear look.

I met him halfway from the kitchen, presenting him with his mediocre breakfast. “Morning, sunshine.”

“For me?” he asked, and I nodded. “You’re the best.”

He sat at the round glass dining table as opposed to going to the living room. He must have been really hungover. I sat next to him and basked in the silence as he ate. My hands were tingling from the nerves.

“How ya feelin’?” I asked in a stupidly gently voice, reaching over to rub his arm.

He hummed through a mouthful of eggs. When he swallowed, he spoke. “My head is pounding. But I took the pills you left for me. Thank you for that, by the way. Who cleaned the apartment?”

“Me and Teddy. After you knocked out, we just decided to tidy up so no one had to worry about it the next day.”

“Well, thank you. One less thing to worry about.” He ate in silence some more, and then spoke some words that truly had me puzzled. “I slept the whole night for once. Feels good.”

Must be nice to not remember your night terrors. However, I had to tell him.

“Shawn…” I said slowly. “You woke up like five times. You had a panic attack one of those times.”

He slowed his chewing, staring at the table top in thought. He stayed quiet, and it freaked me out. He practically shut down, and it scared me for multiple reasons.

“I don’t know how to help you,” I admitted, watching him carefully.

“It’ll wear off,” he said weakly.

“You don’t know that.” I had to be firm. “I don’t know what you’re seeing in your sleep, but I know it scares you so much that you won’t talk about it. And you talk about everything, so that’s how I know it’s bad.”

Shawn looked down, still silent. Not giving me a possible solution to this. Does he even want help? Or am I just exaggerating and losing my mind?

“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” I continued. “Just talk to somebody. Last night, Teddy told me that you were taking care of all of this, but you’re not. I don’t know how you’re functioning during the day, because I’ve been exhausted and sleep deprived. I know you are too, and I’m not the only one who sees it. I, I don’t know how much longer I can watch you go through this.”

Again, he was quiet. He was never quiet. Shawn was feisty and passionate, ready to say anything to prove his point at any given moment. He had strayed from the Shawn Mendes I loved in such a short amount of time. It was happening so fast, watching him slip through my fingers. It felt like I was the one in a nightmare.

“Please,” I mumbled, my voice quavering. My bottom lip began to quiver.

Shawn suddenly looked up at me, eyes wide at the sounds coming out of me. Even when he was sinking, he still paid more attention when I was about to cry.

“I’ll, I’ll give you my therapist’s number,” I offered, losing my composure. “I-I don’t know if she’s taking anymore clients, but I-I-I’ll give up my sessions for you. I’ll do anything if it means you’ll get some help. Shawn, I… I’m begging you. I’m begging you to get help, because I don’t know what to do anymore… a-and it’s because of me why you’re like this, a-a-and I’m sorry-”

I gasped when I realized Shawn had placed his hands on either side of my face. His thumbs rubbed my tear stricken cheeks, and he spoke calmly and gently.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, I’ll get help. I promise. I don’t wanna go through this anymore either. I promise I’ll figure this out.”

I guess that’s how I knew I was falling in love. The want and need for him to be okay was so great, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make that happen. The fact that he was not okay was ripping me a new one. I couldn’t even breathe when he slept. I couldn’t even think about how much I wanted to be in California, because then I’d have to think about leaving Shawn all alone. Who would talk him down from his night terrors?

My hospital stay alone triggered nightmares and eerie silence from him. But what would Shawn have done if I had died altogether?

[wishbonesdirt]

Oh what can I say?

I have never met anyone who has my luck. Point blank. Period.

You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm afraid not. When I say luck, I'm not talking about "You should play the lottery!" or "You shoulda gotten struck by lightning first." luck. I'm talking down right, "Bullshit! There ain't no way you're that unlucky! " luck.

From the most g-rated I forgot it it was today to holy shit x-rated damnit, why did it have to be today.... from the most odd out of the blue happening/event to the yup...this is a planned set up.

Every aspect of my life has somewhat had a bad luck situation tied to it. Am I just being a negative Nancy? I dont know maybe. Maybe I'm a pessimist. OR maybe I am just accepting of the fact that I have the worst luck ever known to man. You know the story of my mail lady. Thank the Lord she either got fired or got a new route. No that couldn't have been enough. I swear on all things holy that the United States Post Office knows what's in everyone's packages. Or atleast mine and wants to rip small holes in the corners of them just to take a peek. Do any of my packages for my laser engraving come in or arrive jacked up.... NO...they sure don't. Reason being:

I just can't have good luck.

I can't have a normal like for normal things

Why should I have to worry about my own damn package arriving with whatever item i want to add to my no-no collection being strewn out around the back of a postal jeep just waiting for the next mailperson to give me a dirty look.

I guess I just need to take whatever that only vice I have is and bury it deep down inside and not worry about it

Hell, I'd get less looks of judgment I guess.

But alas, this gets me to my next point. I realized that I should just get rid of crap and if I were going to have decent anything I might as well have nice things that are proper. So, there I go....throwing away all of the Adam and Eve specials that old lady Judy judged me for when she handled me that dilapidated cardboard box with that giant genitalia hanging out of it. (Damn you free present with purchase of $17 or more, plus free shipping.) Look I didnt ask for that nor any of the other stuff yall tried pushing to me. ANYWAY....so, I found a really good store that specializes in the finer items to add to my repertoire. Order and everything is just fine and dandy. Shopping, checkout, and shipping was smooth as silk...until last week when the ONE box was set to arrive. Notice how I said one? Well, here it goes again.... The box that arrived looked fantastic. Clean, crisp, and with a bright white label. I took it from the NEW mailwomans hands and gladly trot back to my woodworking office. I get all excited to see what I threw away other items for and what to add to my collection. WTF? There was only 2 items. Two. Dos for my spanish speaking amigos. Yeah. There were 5 that were on the same tracking number. Oh but wait...what is this?! A lovely fucking 4"x6" piece of paper explaining that the original box was damaged in transit and the other items from the packing list were not to be found. So, now I had to contact a customer care rep and tell this dude that all of these damn items were gone! Fun convo I tell you. Low and behold for the trouble they included a free toy with it. I was quick to tell him that anytime anything free is involved it does not pan out.

The only luck I had in this story was that the second box did arrive free of charge and just 2 days later.

I have no idea what to do now. I mean, at this point, going to a store might be my best option. Plus it might spare me the whole free item curse, except I can just get a few stares from the person working at the store.

So, now that I am back from the mountain trip, I have to finish all of my wood working. Ut while I do that I can sort/filter/and daydream about that never existing chance to use said purchases. Once again, my luck...

And public service announcement:

You posting a snap where I can clearly tell you're in a bathing suit does not help at alllllll.......

[g0dtier]

so stranger things 3 was..........................fine

billys redemption arc was great, idc how you feel about him that shot at the end of him with the mind flayer arms in his body was fucking dope. plus, for a redemption arc, what more can u ask of him to give like. he died

hop’s death is bs and i wont believe it. i cant believe hop is actually dead. i just dont trust it. no body, no death. fuck that. 

couldve done with a LOT less “hur hur amurricans fightin the evil commies” tho. like that shit is so asinine. the whole 4th of july festival thing was so cringy. plus of course they made the russians all stone cold wooden ass bitches. like when the americans fucked this all up yall at least gave them some kind of personality, and i get wanting to show the whole red scare thing and shit but holy shit you did not have to swallow the boot, you couldve just stuck to licking it and it wouldve been bad enough. like you didnt have to go full on propaganda at some points. erica’s speech about capitalism? cringy as hell

so yeah the human villains were amongst the worst this season. alexi was funny as shit but of course they had to be like “look guys hes participating in capitalism now so you will feel bad if we kill him now cause obviously u wouldnt if we’d kept him a commie” like. im not even a communist, nor do i in any way think the soviet union was an ok thing, but holy shit the american patriotism was so goddamn cringy. do they realize they have non american watchers...

anyway the teenage stuff was also kinda bull. i just didnt care much about the pointless fights. i lost my fucking shit laughing when Hop was in the car after being the worst dad ever and singing along to Jim Crowe but oh my god, Hop you’re the worst fucking dad lmfao. a lot of the earlier drama was just unwarranted. Max is a weird bitch all of a sudden while being hella cool last season and a lot of like the first 2 eps had some Big Bang Theory level cringy “look at how stupid women are” humor. like. why. god i know y’all are romanticizing the 80s but this whole “hur hur teenage boys are dumb and teenage girls are mean” circlejerk needs to end. who hurt you, duffer brothers? please keep your angst out of your TV series, that entire Victim Boy Cant Understand Insane Teenage Girl, Very Sad mindset youre showing is sexist as hell. go to therapy. goddamn.

now that i think about it the only things i liked this season was the monsters and billy’s arc. OH and Steve and Robin but holy shit that is gonna be so much to unpack later. like. i can just see em going very very wrong with this. and i was rooting for them to get together as well but i KNOW they probably will next season and these two asshat writers will go all “well guess steve cured her of that lesbianism huh”. like they were so good together and its cool if shes gay but i KNOW they’re gonna fuck it up. coulda just made her bisexual, which i was rooting for in the first place, but i know theyre gonna pull a stunt like that next season and its gonna be, again, cringy as shit. shoulda made it clear this season if u dont want it to be looked at as some weird copout. and i say this as a bisexual. who loves bi rep.

season 1 and 2 were good, 2 less so with the drama between El and Max but season 3 kinda missed the ball for me. Amazing cast tho, like amazing. great acting, great camerawork, just...kinda bad writing