#ya know. Socially Conscious! good people!

[sol1loqu1st]

frustrating how inescapable h*rry p*tter is in nerd spaces

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Thanks For Listening

YA contemporary

a girl who’s the stage manager in her high school theater club is tired of nobody listening to her advice, so she makes an anonymous social media account that people might actually listen to

while also dating her first girlfriend and struggling with her relationship with her best friends

ace MC

[johnbrand]

A Promise

Brady had been unenthusiastic about going to the gym. Actually, “unenthusiastic” may have been a light way to put it. Although he should have had the typical confidence of a college senior, his low self-esteem and horrible body image rendered him unable to socialize with others. Brady had made a promise to himself that visiting the gym would solve his problems. He hoped working out would at least combat his issues with body image, and then eventually friends would begin to magically come to him.

But now, standing in the massive gym, Brady could not help but let his eyes widen as he scanned the room of all the machines. Why were there so many–did humans truly have so many body parts to further develop? It was insane, overwhelming in a way that Brady was beginning to feel suffocated.

“Previewing all the options?” a male voice caught Brady by alarm.

“Uhh…” he swung around to greet the mystery person, immediately having to trace his eyes up along the rippled chest before him. Thanks to his smaller, hairless body, Brady appeared like a boy next to this man. “Yeah,” Brady stupidly replied, holding back a blush. He had not meant to lie, but the handsome jock twice his size caught him completely off guard.

Unfazed, the muscular jock stuck out a hand with a pleasant smile, “Michael.”

“Brady.”

“The gym truly has everything a bro needs. It’s so great that the college focuses on funding areas for the majority of students, unlike other schools,” Michael remarked. Obviously there was a backhanded comment in that remark, but Brady was a little too infatuated to notice.

“It is impressive,” Brady agreed. “There’s just so much to work with, I don’t know where to begin.”

Michael chuckled, jabbing a bit at the shorter male. “What? A guy like you! By the looks of it I’d bet you follow a pretty rigid routine.”

“Huh?” Brady peered down at his baggy sweatshirt and sweats, confused.

“Don’t think your pump cover can fool me,” Michael poked. “A bro like you should only wear tight, revealing stuff anyway.”

Brady suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. There were too many places his extra weight hung off him weirdly. “Uhhh…I…I don’t really-”

“What's the point of working out if you don’t show it off.” 

Brady had an argument, but it suddenly left him, replaced by: “I mean…I don’t want to seem rude.” Subconsciously, he rubbed the back of his head, flexing his huge bicep almost on reflex. Brady did not realize just how much his veins were bulging out, squeezed by the tight black tee. 

Michael laughed. “Bro who cares, you’re an alpha male! Take up some space–it’s your right after all.” 

Brady thought back to how people had treated him all throughout life. People did look up to him, followed him around like helpless puppies. He had received high grades without even putting in the work, gotten one-night stands with pretty boys by a simple wink. Being ripped had its privileges.

“C’mon, stand a little taller bro. Put some hair on that chest.” Michael gave him a rough, playful pat on the back. Brady straightened back out after a moment, standing eye-to-eye with the other attractive jock. “There ya go, men like us are born superior. I bet you could even crush skulls between those thighs.

“I’ve cracked open a few watermelons in my day,” Brady showcased the glorious muscles underneath his short shorts. He could not help but take a moment to admire his legs, carved beautifully all the way down to his great stompers. It made Brady feel really good; he did deserve to enjoy his muscular body and display it for all to see.

“You got a girl yet?” Michael suddenly asked, pulling Brady back in.

“Uhhhh…” a flash of concern paused Brady. 

“You gotta be kidding!” Michael announced with an exaggerated amount of shock. “Who’s gonna keep you in check, bro? You probably work up a sweat beating all those fags back into place, so how else are you gonna relieve that pent-up energy if you aren’t smashing any pussy?”

The statement was a lot. Brady did not have a response immediately, but eventually his face softened, releasing a dumb guffaw. “Yeah bro, you’re probably right. It’s hard being the top dog all the time without getting any thanks.”

Michael smirked, “Course it is! Tell you what, flex those pumps for me and I’ll send them to a few of the chicks I know. I promise you’ll get some action by the end of the day.”

“Really?” Brady could not believe this steal rubbing happily at his beard. “Thanks bro!” Eagerly, he pulled up the lower half of his shirt and pumped his massive arms into the air.

“Oof, I guess you really do work up a sweat. Those pits are ripe, man!” Michael applauded. “Now, let’s get you laid!”

[sanzaibian]

I look at my watch, it’s already 3 PM. He is one hour late, although I feel that he’s not as much late as he is not coming.

I sigh, and go back to the locker room. I wanted to surprise him by waiting in the lobby shirtless, but after so much time loitering and being told off multiple times by the staff, I guess I must cut my losses. I knew that he wasn’t all that fussed about me wish for a second date in the gym, even if he seems to be a health nut, but still, ghosting me like that really hurts…

As I walk next to the mirrors in the locker room, I look at my body.

Honestly, with a body like that, guys should be drooling and yearning to be my boyfriend ! Yet, when I go on Grindr to find dates, I can only find people who will take me for a quick fuck, and never agree to anything further along… And this is why, no matter how fat my muscles are, how much hair is dusted on my body, how symmetric my face is, or just… how conventionally attractive to a gay audience I may be, I find myself waiting for a whole hour for a prince charming who will never come.

With a disappointed face, I walk towards my locker. By now, it’s no use to try and squeeze in an actual workout in addition to that whole hour full of variants of nothing – not that I really want to work out at all. However, as I reach my locker, I suddenly notice Ilham standing there in gym clothes, that he has presumably just put on.

I guess you can call him a friend ? In the barest of sense ? We do talk sometimes, only the bare minimum, but he’s always the one who leads the conversation… Well, you can’t fault me he’s so ridiculously hot without even trying, it makes me feel self-conscious even when I look how I look ! And, as if on queue, he notices my gloomy expression, and immediately confronts me about it.

“Hey Vítor ! Good workout ? Why do you look so sad like that ?” He asks, way too energetic for the situation. - Ah, it’s nothing, I had a gym date, but I was ghosted…” I answer succinctly. I don’t want to dwell on it too much. - Oh…” I can almost see the gears turning in his head, as he tries to makes sense of what I say, before he gets it. “Oh ! I’m so sorry, bro ! What a bitch to abandon you like this ! Ya know, I know a few girls I could hook you up with, I’m sure they wouldn’t do that ! - I’m sorry, girls won’t do.” I smile at his answer. “Once again, I’m gay ! - Sorry bro, I forgot again ! I swear I can make up to you !” He apologies.

He’s Azerbaijani, and due to how homosexuality is seen over there, he has a really hard time conceiving of masculine gay people. But he tries, and that’s by far the most important.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry ! But I won’t hold you up too much, especially since I already butchered my workout by waiting for him.” I urge him, as I do want to come home sooner than later. - Oh, too bad… then see you next time, bro ! Have a good afternoon ! - Have a good workout !”

He smiles to me while I wave him goodbye, visibly trying to empathize with me, before leaving the locker room in a small trot. This is how far our “friendship” goes, just simple courtesy when we see each other in the gym, which isn’t often since I don’t have a lot of time to go in the first place, and nothing beyond. I could likely try to deepen our relationship, but I feel we don’t actually have much in common, since he’s much more of a social butterfly than I’ll ever be, no matter how eager he may seem to get to know me, with all of these allusions of making me meet people or inviting me to parties.

Finally reaching my locker, I open it and find inside all my regular clothes, my phone and my other belongings, as expected. However, I also find a small piece of paper inside.

Curious, I examine it, and notice that there are actually stuff written on it. Handwritten. A secret message ? In the gym ? That’s weird…

It reads :

“You with no name and no house, do not forget who you are.”

I try to find a signature of any kind, but I do not find anything but this… warning ? poem ? I don’t really know what it’s supposed to be…

But whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to have much substance. I guess it’s not that important for me to take further notice of.

I stick the piece of paper inside my bag and take my clothes. I’m happy to have thought of taking two sets of clothing, since with loitering this long in the lobby, the staff needs to see me leaving, even if it originally was in order to have something to wear for the after-workout date. So I change, I stock everything in my bag, and leave the gym, bidding farewell to the staff at the same time.

Once I’m out of the gym, I look around to find somewhere secluded enough. I wouldn’t want to do anything in public, after all. So I walk around a bit, until I find a public bathhouse, in which I enter, since it is perfect for what I’m about to do.

See, I have quite a big secret… or rather, you know the secret, but you don’t know why it is a secret…

Suddenly, my muscles start mellowing out, my abs fading, while the rest seem to deflate. My pecs start retreating inside my body while my shoulders narrow, losing at the same time all the muscle mass making them fuse into my neck. My v-line disappears, my calves and my arms thin out, and I’m losing mass all round. At the same time, the light dusting of hair on my torso starts thinning out, just like my big beard, losing loads of length until only a few short hairs on my lip and on my chin remain. My hair also grows wildly, covering my forehead in messy coiled hair, losing any order it may have had. And as both of these processes come to an end, I lose a few centimeters of height, while my face rearranges to become more square, my facial features arrange themselves in a less symmetrical way, until it all becomes… well… not a model’s face, just a normal guy’s face.

Here is the secret : the guy that was in the gym wasn’t the real Vítor Nunes. This is the real Vítor Nunes. Just a normal guy, a bit skinny-fat, a bit twinky, a bit nerdy, but most of all an unremarkable guy. And that normal unremarkable guy gets out of his big clothes to go into his small clothes, complete with jeans and a red t-shirt. When everything is secure, I go back out to the street to head to the cafe I go to every time after the gym.

I think I owe you an explanation.

The way I look right now is the way I always looked – well, minus aging. However, one day, about a year ago if my memory serves me right, I suddenly gained the ability to transform. I still don’t know what caused it, but all of a sudden, when I concentrate, I can change my body to reflect what I have in mind.

Of course, I’m gay, so my first instinct when I discovered this gift was to give myself big muscles, and so they magically grew. God, I loved it, it was so exciting to see my muscles swell in the mirror, it’s really a one-of-a-kind experience ! However, this is also when I learned of the limits of this power : it’s actually really uncomfortable to maintain another form for too long, especially when it’s quite far from my normal form. If you have that experience, it’s a bit like when you are in high heels, everything starts to become tricky to do (don’t ask me how I know that). That’s why when I tried to become a woman, it was so uncomfortable I could barely remain like that for a few seconds before I made my boobs go away. Therefore, while I have access to a very hot persona, I can’t maintain it forever, meaning it’s not actually that useful aside from some kind of party trick.

However, the temptation was always too strong.

I used to be a virgin, both in sex and in romance, and the dream of prince charming was a reoccurring one, especially for someone as lonely as I am. However, with this power, I could spend some time in another body, in a body in which I could look like god amongst men. And so, the Vítor Nunes you saw, the one well-thought out to be as attractive for gay men as I could think of, was born. And it’s using his body that I lost my virginity in what could be its own sub-story.

But it never went beyond that, a quick one-night stand, even though I looked very hot and not very picky. I don’t even know what I am doing wrong ! Like, sure, when I’m on dates, the other guy always wants to directly fuck, but still ! Suddenly, someone hails me.

“Hey ! Vítor ! You hear me ?”

I’m jerked out of my thoughts, and quickly cobble an answer.

“Oh, er… hey, Satoshi ! I… didn’t notice you here ! - Well, I noticed.” He answers me, dryly.

He’s always been quite dry with me, and I don’t know why. We go to the same university, and are in the same curriculum in writing, although most of our classes reflect our different paths throughout this degree. So we talked in the few classes we had in common, but nothing more, really. I guess he’s the closest person I could classify as a “friend”, and even that is a stretch. Recently, though, he’s been acting quite weirdly. I know that he’s started attending the gym, and he’s also bleached his hair. I wonder if he is trying to impress someone or what...

“What are you doing in this part of town ?” He asks me. - Oh, I… I was just at the gym, I want to be healthier, you see…” I half-lie, hoping he will be convinced. - I see…” He looks at me, squinting. He doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, what matters is that you become the real you. Now, I’m sorry, but I need to go. Bye.”

What ? What was he mumbling ? I look at him as he continues his way opposite to where I’m heading. He seems to be in quite the hurry, I wonder where he’s heading… Recently, he hasn’t got a lot of time, I always find him almost avoiding talking to people, and always disappearing once class is dismissed. Is gym this much of a time-eater or does he also have something I don’t know of ? … N-not that it interests me this much, of course, that’s his own private life !

Ugh… To save myself from my own thoughts, I enter the cafe and go at the back of the file. When I’m finally at the counter, I go to order, before the woman behind the counter, Sandra, recognizes me. I’m a regular at this cafe, after all.

“Hey Vítor, I didn’t expect you this early ! - Yeah, I had something to do with someone, but he never showed up.” I once again lie by omission, though I admittedly give her a more accurate picture. - Oh, I’m so sorry for you !” She brings her hand on her mouth to empathize with me. She’s always been very expressive. “But speaking of people not showing up, I’m guessing you want an americano, like usual ? - Yes ?” I answer, unsure where she’s heading with this. - Well that’s great ! Because a kind soul actually bought you one !”

Smiling, she gives me an already prepared americano, to which a piece of paper is attached, that I take with a confused look.

“And… to whom I owe the honor ?” In ask her. - Well, that person asked to remain anonymous ! But they told me that you should be able to piece together who they are thanks to this piece of paper I attached !” She answers, radiating in glee. Yeah, she also loves drama. - Okay… well, give them my thanks if you see them, I guess…”

I wave her goodbye and take place at an outside table. Another piece of paper ? It must be a coincidence, the consequences of it not being are way too scary for me to dwell on too much. Yet, when I read it, these consequences seem more and more like reality…

“For you really have a beautiful self, especially when you show your true face.”

It’s the same handwriting as the note I found at the gym ! Plus, when putting the two pieces of paper, it really does seem to be directly talking about my transformations… But who is it, and what do they want from me ? How did they find out about my secret ? And why this sudden… flirty tone ?

I sigh, and quickly drink my coffee. Due to the fact that it has already been prepared, it means that it’s a bit colder than usual, meaning it’s easier to drink. Wait… if it’s barely colder than usual… does this mean that the one having ordered it was here barely a few minutes ago ? But if it’s so, then how could they have slipped another piece of paper inside my locker ?

The caffeine starts hitting my brain, making me mull over the facts and imagine who could be the one to deliver these notes. Whoever they are, they seem to know my routine, since they knew that I would go to this cafe after the gym. It means that it’s very likely someone I know, or at least someone whose face I have already seen. They also have been witness to one of my transformations somehow, so they’ve likely hung out at the gym… or been one of my earlier dates perhaps ?

Everything is confusing, I just cannot find a way to make sense of all of that ! And… what will happen now that my secret is revealed ? Am I suddenly going to become a lab rat, as my weird condition is revealed to all ? Am I going to have to perform weird or even illegal tasks to stave off outing of my power ? Am I going to be recruited by a criminal organization in order to perform heists as an unknown person ?

Looking at my empty cup, I understand I’ve now gone too far in my thoughts. I’m likely not going to be coerced by a criminal ringleader to commit crimes. That’s ridiculous.

I dispose of my cup and head home. I’ve seen enough today, and I really need an actual break. So I take the bus, a few connecting ones until I’m finally back where I live. Before entering, I quickly go to check if there’s anything in the mailbox. And as if on queue, there is, some random account statements and other official stuff… and another of those papers.

They know where I live ! Now I can actually be scared ! For sure they’re going to make me do crimes or intern me inside a research center, I know it ! Shaking, I take out the piece of paper, and read it. It is written with the same handwriting as the others, so it confirms the fact that they do know a lot about me, but… er… eh ? Here is what it says :

“You are always worthy of love, so never forget the above.”

Wait wait wait, from the beginning, the flirty was what it was all actually about ? It is a love declaration ? … I guess it does rule out the criminal possibility… So who could it be ?

Thinking about it… It can’t be Sandra at the cafe, her shift wouldn’t let her go in the gym when I was there, and she was the one saying that they bought the coffee and left me the message. It can’t be Satoshi, although he could have bought me coffee, he couldn’t put the message in my locker, since I didn’t see him entering the gym, and he was actually walking towards the gym when I saw him. Plus, he’s so dry with me I’d think he hates me before I’d think he loves me. It can’t be Ilham, although he could have put his message in my locker before I entered, he’s currently at the gym, so he couldn’t buy me coffee. Plus, to my knowledge, he’s straight, and he’s still learning English, so he couldn’t have written such a complicated “poem”.

And I didn’t see anyone else during my little trip, so it could literally be anyone else !

But wait… looking back at the three pieces of paper, of the sequence they put together… it reminds me of something… I open my door and quickly make my way to my computer. I need to check something. To check a certain creative writing homework I had in first year.

And finding it… yes. I was correct. This is directly taken from it. The homework we did in duo back in first year of college. It’s weird… is it… really him ?

I close back up my computer, put down all of my stuff while continuing to mull over this revelation. But all of my thinking leads me to one conclusion and one only : I need to call him. So I take out my phone and do just that.

“Hello, Vítor ? Why do you call me ?” He asks, picking up almost immediately after me calling. - I just wanted to ask… do you remember our creative homework, back in first year ? - Yeah, I do, of course I do. - And… have you recently used it for anything ?”

I hear a sigh. Of course I was right.

“So you understood that it was me. I think we both have things to say to each other, so let us meet. - I guess we do.”

And so I go back out of my house, back to where it all started. Back to the gym. I walk for a bit, take a few buses, and when I’ve finally arrived, none other than Satoshi was waiting for me in front of the gym.

“Hello again, Satoshi.” I hail him. “So, you said we had to discuss ? - Yes. Let me be clear at first : I know that you have a muscular alter-ego that you can become. I don’t know why, or how, but I know you do. - How… did you know ?” I ask, a bit anxious, while he smiles at my question. - Well, you see… since the beginning of the year, you’ve been quite absent, and it made me quite worried.” He began recounting, feeling in his way of speaking way more personal and warm. “Honestly, while at first I thought to myself that you can have your own life, and that I shouldn’t interfere with it, your presence started to feel… missing.”

Huh, I didn’t know that I turned him down this much when I discovered my power. I thought that everything was just going as usual, only talking while in public transports and all… Yeah, I guess since I started going to the gym to get hookups, I changed my route after class, meaning that it overlapped less… I didn’t consider that…

“So, one day, I decided to follow you. Discreetly, of course, until you went to that gym. I… I didn’t know why you would go in there, but following you, I saw you entering a changing room… and out left a muscular man. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that it was you. - So this is how you understood that I had powers… - Yes. But this is not the end of my tale. Because I then thought of why I cared so much about you not being available. It wasn’t the first time someone would more or less abandon me out of the blue like that, but it was the first time I was this agitated. Especially because our relationship wasn’t that deep, all things considered. This lead me to the conclusion that I… er... want to spend more time with you, and made me realize that… in truth… er…” He blushes, suddenly trailing off and having a hard time to articulate clearly. “That… that I’m in love with you.”

Although I expected it, I still blush. He’s so straightforward ! And… it’s so unexpected, all things considered ! I guess I still had in mind the possibility that he was just trying to hype me up, somehow ?

“And what really angers me most,” He continues “is that you are overt there trying to be as ‘masculine’, as ‘beautiful’ or anything else to woo people, even though you’re already great the way you are ! And how you sabotage yourself by catering to this image of yourself you invented, going to the gym and all…”

I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ve been really focused in being as much of a gym rat as I could, else my cover would be ridiculous…

“Is it like that ?” I can finally manage. “That people don’t bye the muscular self I have ? - No. I- I don’t think that’s it. It’s more that you do it too well, so they don’t see you as anything more than a gym rat. I guess it all feels wrong and not personal, because it’s not you ! You’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not ! B-but… since I have the privilege of knowing who you really are… I want to say that the real you is more. It’s beautiful, and warrants love…” He says, blushing even more. - H-how are you saying this with a straight face…” I answer, smiling, while being swept by the wave of awkwardness he radiates. - I’m not… But I really want to tell you what things really are. Because you deserve it.” He takes a large inspiration. “So. Do you want to go out with me ?”

By now, I fully knew what was coming.

And I know my answer.

“Yes, I do.”

“Hey, I’m home !” I announce, coming back home.

However, I do not find any answer to my call, even though Satoshi is supposed to come to my house this evening. He’s likely not there yet, I’m sure taken by his work, meaning that it’s going to be at least a small while until he makes it here.

I smirk. I know what to do to him. He will hate that, but it will be way too fun an opportunity to pass up. So I go to my room, completely undress, and take out some of the special clothes I still have stashed in the corner of my cupboard. In particular, I take out a very big par of jeans, the kind that would usually never fit me.

Then, all of a sudden, I feel my muscles tense up. They’re pulsating, getting progressively bigger and bigger. My pecs are the most noticeable of all of them, rounding up and sagging down in big globes attached to my torso, but everything else gains in mass. My shoulders crack as they’re pushing apart, muscles growing between them and my neck, and a light dusting of black hair starts appearing on them. They descend all over my body, on my torso, beneath my armpits, in my crotch, and on my legs. My crotch also embiggens, the hose hiding inside taking more and more place, while on the rear side my ass cheeks firm up, and gets bigger just like the pecs upstairs.

As it all happens, my face also itches, as the little hairs that are on it start growing, elongating my face at the same time. These hair grow all over my chin into a long beard, while on my lip they only grow denser. At the same time, my face rearranges to become more conventionally attractive, more symmetrical, and my hair starts shortening a bit, and becoming more well-kept.

As the last few details of my transformation arrange themselves, I put the large jeans on, not even bothering to put on underwear before that. Yup, that’s very sexy alright, he’s gonna hate that ! And so my muscular self takes place in the living room, waiting for his beloved to come.

Because this time, I know my prince charming will come.

================================================

Hey ! A story (that was again hard to write) for the last few hours of Pride Month, if it's even still on in your part of the world ! ^^'

I hope we in the TF community can recognize all the colors of the rainbow and all the letters of the acronym, including bi (and similar identities) and trans people ! And I also hope that we can all help to build, each to our ability, a better and more tolerant world (especially in the face of the rise of hateful ideologies around the world, yes I'm quivering at the results of my elections ^^')

So yeah, happy pride, everyone !

[yanderederee]

SocialCues

a/n: Been feeling a little down lately.. very self-comfort, but I hope anyone else who has deep rooted anxiety and poor social skills can appreciate this…

cw: depictions of bullying and self-degradation/anxiety. Angst/Comfort

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Why did this always happen? How, even?

You seriously couldn’t wrap your head around how you always found yourself in these damned situations…

After being left alone at your desk, you quietly listened as the classmate who had just walked away whispered to themselves.

“What a freak…”

What did you even do? A freak? You were rightfully polite and pleasant, just as you always have been.

Did you say something wrong? Something weird? All you did was ask your classmate about their dog. Out of all the subjects you were taught to bring up in conversation, pets and hobbies were a universal win. (Strictly of the other person, because if you started going on a rant about your own pet or hobbies, you would make the person feel awkward and at a loss for words.)

How is it you always had a way of making everyone you talk to feel so awkward and bored?

But it was so lonely being forced into submissive quietness. You may have hated that more than the quiet glares of others. So still, you try to do your best and talk to people.

But only after a month of trying, it was evident that others were beginning to avoid you. To avoid talking to you. Avoiding eye contact.

You repeated what you’ve been told over and over again.

Saying less is more.

Use considerate language; words and phrasings.

Don’t make the conversation about yourself.

Avoid too specific points of conversation.

Read their facial expressions.

If they look desperate to leave, end the conversation quickly as to not bother them further.

Maybe being too conscious of what you said was your downfall?

But seriously, what else could you do? If you tried being casual, you make it awkward. If you tried too hard, you make it awkward. And if you don’t try at all, you force yourself into isolation.

Once lunch time rolled around, you started your way to the bathrooms to wash your hands before eating. How could you eat when your hands were covered in eraser shavings and lead stains? However, just at the threshold of the bathroom entrance, you could hear a conversation.

“L/n just doesn’t know when to shut up, does she?”

“Seriously! I can’t even get in a word with her!”

“Really? I just felt like she wasn’t even there when I tried talking to her! Like, she was waiting for me to ask her questions or something.”

“She asks way too many questions, like, why are you so obsessed with me?”

“She doesn’t really have much of a personality, I can’t stand people like that!”

“I dunno, I just can’t stand her.”

Honestly, they were pretty loud. People around the bathroom could definitely hear whoever it was talking.

You honestly didn’t even know how to react.

Maybe this was a good thing? At least this way you knew what you were doing wrong. Unfiltered criticism on how you could do better. So silently, you stood and listened.

It really hurt, hearing people talk about you like this. But it was your fault in the first place. Suck it up. Do better. Be better.

Holding back your tears, you fidgeted with your fingers. It was no good. You were bound to burst out in tears at any second.

“Oi.” Out came a sudden call. Startled, your heart leapt out of your chest. Looking up, you saw your classmate, Baji Keisuke, holding three filing boxes of what you assumed to be pre-graded tests and other miscellaneous paperwork. “Lend me a hand, would ya? Teach wants these taken to the teachers lounge before lunch’s over.”

It took you a few seconds to properly register that he was actually talking to you. Though it was hard to tell, given his huge thick rimmed glasses. Once it finally clicked that he was actually talking to you, a wave of embarrassment hit you hard.

“Me? Oh, uhh… o-okay.” You agreed slowly, looking at your dirty hands. You guessed it would be more suitable to wait to wash your hands after carrying a dusty box. Somewhat relieved, you nodded and walked over to your black haired classmate, gingerly shifting the top most box out of his face, into your grip. “Just this one is fine, or should I grab another..?”

You began to ask, until you were met with awkward silence.

SHIT. YOU DID IT AGAIN? Already? Embarrassed to the point of tears, you started down. “S-sorry, dumb question.”

Your classmate seemed disgruntled at your comment. Self pity never looked good. You were just digging yourself into a more massive hole. Just shut up and take the boxes.

Lift your fair share.

Almost forgot that rule.

Just as you went to shuffle the second box out from his grasp, your class mate stepped back. “I got these, just the one is fine.” He said.

“Just the one?” You asked.

“Yeah.. I mean, not to sound like an ass— I mean, um…” he clicked his tongue, trying to think of a better way to rephrase his comment.

“You can say ass, I don’t care.” You giggled quietly. You were faking it a little, what with how shot your confidence was already. But it was cute watching Baji flounder for the right words.

“Right. What I mean is, I’m probably stronger than you are, carrying these isn’t any issue. I just needed help with the third one since it was blocking my view.”

That made sense. He was damn near a foot taller than you after all. And he didn’t seem to struggle with the load in strength. Your silence made your classmate a little on edge.

“I ain’t trying to call you weak or anything. Shit. Just.. lets go.” He huffed before starting his way to the stair case.

Following close behind, you were scrambling your head with how to reply. Do you need to reply? But he sounded a little unsure of his own phrasing, sometimes validation was good for these kinds of situations.

‘It’s okay, I didn’t think you were calling me weak.’

Simulating the conversation in your head, you give up, rationalizing that your comment would more than likely go unanswered anyway.

Lost in these thoughts, you trailed behind Baji silently.

That’s right.

When it doubt, just be quiet. Just. Be quiet.

And it seemed your classmate was content with this as well.

Just as you were rounding the stairs, you were suddenly overwhelmed by a group of boys roughhousing with one another, laughing and unbothered. Before you even had the chance to move out of their way, a boy had rammed into your side hard. This caused for a series of unfortunate events.

Being as you were just making your way down the stairs, this rash shove caused you to lose your balance, trip over your feet, and topple forward. It wasn’t pretty. You definitely did at least one summersault on your crash down, the box of papers you held flying everywhere. What would have made it worse was if you had crashed into Baji on your way down, but luckily for both of you, he had walked at a much quicker pace, and had already reached the bottom of the staircase before your topple.

It was dead silent. Luckily, there weren’t too many students around, but there were enough. The boys looked back to one another, contemplating if they could just run off before you realized who they were, stay and help, or even apologize. You were the weirdo of their class after all, it’s not like these kinds of things didn’t just… happen.

“The hells your guys’ problem, huh?!” Baji yelled. It was really loud, louder than you’d ever heard him before. “Got a death wish or somethin’? Help pick this shit up, now!”

Hell with his reputation, this shit pissed him off way more than his tempter would allow him to suppress.

“R-right!” The boys who’d bumped into you nodded and scrambled to pick up all the scattered papers. “And apologize!” Baji yelled a second time, furious that they hadn’t even considered to do that first.

“We’re really sorry!! We weren’t looking, it was an accident!! We’re sorry!” They groveled low to the ground as they cleaned up the mess of their own making.

Baji huffed, but seeing as they were doing exactly as he told, he let it be for now. He sat his own boxes down gently, squatting over to help you up. “Hey, you okay?” He asked.

“No—“ you snapped in a sarcastic tone, but it was only out of bubbling up frustration and humiliation. Clearing out your throat, before he would reply, you started to pick up the papers scattered at your bruised knees. “Yeah, sorry. I’m okay; just didn’t expect it.. sorry I dropped the box. Sorry.” You repeated quietly, head hung low.

You only ever made trouble. If you’d just moved out of the way faster, you wouldn’t have messed up so harshly. Even if they were clearly in the wrong, if you’d just caught your footing instead of tripping, none of this would have happened.

“Come on, these bastards can take the rest from here.” Baji glared while his glasses slipped past his nose, leaving each boy trembling in fear. “W-we’ve got it from here..” One nodded in defeat.

Baji grabbed your shoulders, you rushed you to your feet. “Don’t worry about this, ‘going to the nurse.” He had an aura of order around him while helping you down the remaining stairs. “It’s okay, you don’t have to walk me..” you mumbled, not even sure it was worth going to the nurse for anyway. All you did was fall.

“You’ve got a few knots, and a lot of bruising. You should really be put on ice.” Baji looked you over as the two of you walked. “It had to of hurt. Seriously, those guys should have been looking where they were going. Don’t worry about it though, I’ll make sure they properly apologize again later.”

You chuckled humorlessly, and waved him off, eyes still glued downcast. “It’s not that big of a deal. It was an accident.”

“Accident or not, they’re gonna pay.” He muttered. “Sorry to trouble you, you’d probably have been better off if I just took the boxes all myself.”

“No worries, I wanted to help.”

Once you reached the nurse, Baji stopped you before going in. “You’re L/n, right?”

“Y-yeah, Y/n L/n… I sit in the front, a few rows to the right of where you sit.”

“Right. Sorry bout that again, I’ll let the teacher know you’ll be back a little later than lunch, so don’t sweat hurrying back. Just take your time.”

When was the first the anyone was this considerate of your wellbeing? Sure, it was a common courtesy, but it was still out of the norm. He gave a final look over of you, he seemed to narrow his brows further. “Well … I’m off. Seriously, take it easy.” He waved, and stepped back, waiting for you to enter.

“Right… thank you, Baji.” You have a slight bow before escaping into the nurses office.

⋆｡ ﾟ ｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆

You were so tired. Maybe it would be best to let it go. Just accept you weren’t able to make friends. Finally accept something was actually wrong with you, and just stop trying.

Murmurs about your little fall were the talk of the class after lunch. Apparently the guys who bumped into you were actually pretty popular. Spreading misinformation about what happened, and making you out to be the bad guy. Seriously, what did you ever do to them? It wasn’t fair.

Overwhelmed, the end of the day came, and it was becoming impossible to tune out all 20 different conversations happening simultaneously as students filed out of the classroom. You bit your tongue and waited. The room would become empty before too long.

One by one, everyone left. And you were finally left alone. Finally. The weight of the day finally began to settle in the newfound quietness.

You quietly laid your head down on your desk, and held your arm sleeves tightly. Just breath. Why is it no matter what, you always make things worse? It was so suffocating, you didn’t even realize how harsh your breathing had become. Tears burned your eyes, and suddenly you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Openly sobbing into your sleeves, you huddled in upon yourself closer.

This sucked! What the hell! You didn’t do anything wrong! So why…

It didn’t do any good to think about it further than that. All thinking did was make it worse. Stop thinking. Just pretend like it didn’t happen. Pretend like you don’t hear anyone when they talk behind your back anymore. Pretend like your knees don’t hurt, like your feelings weren’t crushed. No one cared anyway. Suck it up.

Do better. Be better. Stop crying. Stop—

“Hey…” you heard a soft voice call out beside you. Your breath hitched. Was the classroom not empty? Did you seriously start crying in front of someone like that? This had to be the worst day.

You felt something cold touch your shoulder, and what you can only assume to be a juice box plopped down on your desk.

You didn’t lift your head. Soon to follow, the slight screech in a chair pulled out beside you, and the shifting of clothes. “Leave me alone…” you said softly; hoarsely.

“I thought about it… but it kinda seems like you could use a friend.” Wait, you recognized that voice. Ever so slightly, you turned your head to the side, and peeked past your hair to see Baji sitting slouched and wide legged beside you.

Still, you couldn’t let him see you like this. Rubbing your eyes against the material of your sleeve, you mumbled again. “It’s okay. You really don’t have to do all that.”

He was quiet. You were hopeful that he wouldn’t push the pity treatment further. The juice box was enough. It was thoughtful, and sweet. He was trying. But it was unnecessary. You’d forget about today soon enough.

Baji wasn’t sure what he should do. Maybe he should just leave you alone. He wasn’t really that good at comforting people, and you really didn’t seem in the mood to talk.

He’d never talked to you before today anyway.

Yet he couldn’t find it in himself to do it.

Anytime your name was brought to mention, it was always some bullshit gossip he never cared to listen to. You kept a low profile and seemed to always have a cheery aura about you. Those rumors were just that, rumors. It kind of reminded himself of when people would mumble about him behind his back when he first got held back. Sure, everything that everyone said about him was true, about being a delinquent, or being dumb. But it didn’t seem that way with you.

“People are assholes and just say shit to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m friends with a bunch of weirdos— some real freaks, so I can confidently say you aren’t as weird as people make you out to be.”

Well, it was a nice thought, if anything else. You giggled, sniffling a last few times before turning away from Baji, and wiping your face clean. You faced forward, a guilty smile decorating your features.

Baji Keisuke wasn’t ever really one to notice a person’s appearance, not for girls anyway. Yet he couldn’t help but admire you. Maybe it was the puffiness of your eyes and lashes, all clumped up together in wet mattes. Or maybe it was the gentle smile of giving up that twisted his heart into feeling like he should help you. To get closer to you.

“H-here.” Baji stuttered, and held out his glasses to you. “I don’t actually need them, they’re just for show. You were trying to hide you were crying, right?”

You blinked suspiciously at him, who was a little red faced and shifting of his own gaze. Was he trying to be considerate? Either way, it made you laugh. “Why do you wear them if you don’t need them?” You took the bait, and reached out for the plastic glasses.

“Well, I’ve been told I can look, intimidating, kinda. Like I’m always glarin’ or something. S-so, I guess that’s why?” He couldn’t exactly tell you he didn’t want to be recognized for being Tokyo Manji Gang’s first division captain.

“That so?” You played along, putting the glasses on in playful banter. “Huh, you’re right. They’re fake.” You smiled, and looked back over at Baji. Immediately, Baji broke out into a fit of laughter.

“Bwaaahaha! What the hell! You look so dorky!” He toppled onto himself, holding his side. You immediately followed his fit of laughter, kicking the chair below him. “I look dorky? Speak for yourself poindexter! You’re the one who looks goofy on the daily!”

Normally, those comments would cause Baji to roll his eyes, but with how lighthearted the air was, it only managed to make him laugh harder.

It felt good, laughing so hard with someone. A stranger even. “Alright, come on’, I’ll treat you to some ramen. You had to skip out on eating lunch since I asked you to help me right? You gatta be starving.” Baji offered, hoisting himself up and out of his chair, pushing it in.

“Well…” you thought about it. You’d hate to put him out and cause anymore unnecessary trouble. Yet, for once, you felt like you understood the social cues going on around you. Being able to relax, smile and laugh with someone, and they offer to take you out for food? Would it really be a bad thing to accept?

“Sure…”

[icycoldninja]

If the DMC related requests hasn’t been filled to the brim yet: So there is this character in this anime called Spy x Family, and this character is named Yor Forger. She’s like this insanely strong and agile assassin who can kill a hostile cattle like a bull with just her fingers.

That’s basically what I want Y/N to be in my request! 😊

So, I want to see how the Sparda Men + V would react to a female Y/N who just so happens to be their lover, who is an insanely strong, intimidating assassin who is also a socially awkward person.

Oh yeah, I know her; I love that anime!! Here ya go and enjoy 💜

Sparda boys + V x Yor Forger-like!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-When Dante first met you, he thought you were some regular old, socially inept klutz--cute and silly.

-He never in a million years expected to watch you break a demon's neck with one hand and then use its' corpse as a springboard to tackle another demon into the ground, shattering your spine.

-Dante was honestly quite intimidated and wondered if there were more secrets you were hiding from him.

-When you confessed the truth, that you were a trained assassin, and that unlike most, you weren't cold and calculated, but just yourself, his fears melted away, mostly.

-He trusts you and knows you wouldn't do anything to hurt him, but he wonders if you might break his bones by accident when you're fooling around together or cuddling.

-Well, if you do, his demon regeneration will take care of that, he reasons, right before tackling you to the floor and demanding a wrestling match.

■ Vergil ■

- Vergil initially thought of you as weak, thanks to your awkward demeanor, and his inferiority complex.

-When he saw how easy it was for you to leap from platform to platform, dodging and incapacitating demons as you went, he was shocked.

-Next came an interrogation. Who were you really? Were you a demon? Why are you so skilled? Are you planning to kill him? Why are you so self conscious if you have this much POWER, shouldn't you be confident in your invincibility?

-It took you a while, but you explained who you were, why you were the way you were, and so on. Vergil begrudgingly accepted this as the truth, but was still suspicious.

-With time, however, the cold and MOTIVATED man came to understand that some people don't change their personalities when they gain power--a lesson he would do well to learn.

-He frequently invites you to train with him, just so he can get a taste of your abilities.

□ Nero □

-When Nero first met you, he felt like there was something a little off about you, but attributed it to your timid, socially awkward personality.

-Then he happened to accompany you on a mission and got to see your true power. How you managed to twist off the demon's limbs was astonishing--you were doing everything Nero did, but somehow, faster.

-He was shocked, yes, but not angry, just awed. He wanted to learn everything he possibly could about you, but was kind of nervous to ask. What if your whole personality was fake? What if you were a truly horrible person on the inside?

-After you revealed the truth to him, he understood this really was the way you were, his mind now at ease. He liked you the way you were.

-Now he happily takes you on missions with him, the two of you kicking demon ass all day, every day.

-He also challenges you to arm wrestling battles every now and again, just to test your strength.

● V ●

-V met you and was intrigued; after all, you're as much of a dork as he is.

-He most absolutely did not expect to be tossed over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried out of harm's way faster than he could blink.

-While his mind processed how you managed to lift him so quickly, he begins to wonder how you managed to lift him at all, given he's a rather tall man.

-After the danger was over and you'd decimated all demons, you sat down and revealed the truth about yourself, shocking him, in a good way. This whole time you were an assassin?! So cool!

-V was glad you revealed this to him because now he had one less thing to worry about. Having a ridiculously strong assassin bodyguard would be such a blessing.

-One thing to bear in mind: Don't be too rough with him, such as yanking him too hard in combat, even if you mean well, because his bones are fragile and with your strength, you could easily break them.

[kteezy997]

What do you do when you are fixated on a celebrity and you’re a fan fiction writer but there are no fanfics about that celebrity? You write one(:

He's Out of My League: Part 1 // matt rife

It was the night that your favorite comedian was in your city, but due to his popular demand, you were sadly unable to score tickets to see the show. So, you and your friends went out instead. They wanted you to feel better and have a good time instead of being at home and sad about the comedy show.

It was after 11 p.m., and you were at a club with the lights down low. The music was loud as hell, of course, and there were people all around. You sat and sipped on your Amaretto sour, just people watching for a bit. Your friends were on the dancefloor and they barely let you get away for a breather.

Now, you were kinda wishing you weren't sitting there watching all the hot girls in there barely-there clothing. You'd never have the confidence to wear such cropped tops and strappy bralettes. You started to feel conscious of your own figure and your feelings of insecurity.

You looked across the bar, where several women were flocked into one spot. You wondered what the commotion was about. And then, someone moved, and you saw him.

It was Matt motherfuckin Rife.

You had to blink a few times, as you though your eyes were deceiving you. But it was him, and naturally, ladies-if you could call them that- were fawning over him. But who could really blame them? He was even more beautiful in person. You couldn't believe that he was actually there and you were seeing him with your own eyes and not through your phone or tv screen. He and his crew must have come out for drinks after his show. You never thought you'd be in the same room as him.

You wanted to talk to him, but probably not in the same way as the other women wanted to talk to him. You wanted to thank him for bringing you so much joy, and making you laugh, even when you weren't in the mood to. You had struggled with depression, anxiety, and negative thoughts for years, but Matt's personality and comedic timing had the power to bring you out of your head, and make you smile.

You certainly didn't want to annoy him, but you could see how humble he was by seeing all his content online. Usually, you were too socially awkward to approach anyone in a public setting that you didn't know, but this was different. You may never get the chance to see him again. It would mean a lot to you for him to hear how grateful you were to him.

You walked up to the bar, standing in a near vicinity of where Matt was. You waited for the bartender to come over so you could buy another drink. You felt nervous, and your body begin to tremble a bit. You took some deep breaths, in through the nose and out the mouth. Just start a conversation, you told yourself, it's not that big of a deal. Just a minute of his time, and that's all.

"Can I get you something, love?" asked the sweet bartender, startling you a bit.

"Oh, yes, um another Amaretto sour, please."

He nodded, "Of course." He grabbed the liqueur, and then began mixing it with the grenadine. He must have noticed you glancing over at Matt, because he said, "Oh, yeah that's Matt Rife. Dude's hilarious and chicks love him."

"Yeah, I'm a fan actually. Of his comedy, not just the way his face looks."

"Awe, that's sweet." He poured your drink into a chilled glass. "You know, you should go talk to him. I'm sure he'd love to talk to a genuine fan, and not just some girl that’s try to get him to take his shirt off.”

"Ya think so?"

The bartender plopped a cherry into your cocktail, "Go for it, honey." He winked before sliding the drink across the bar to you.

That was it, you were going to do it.

You took a drink, and nonchalantly looked over and saw that Matt wasn’t accompanied by any females at the moment. It was just him and a couple of his friends. You just hoped he wouldn’t be annoyed by you coming up to him.

Thankfully his back was to you, so he wasn’t watching you coming over to him. You carefully tapped him on his toned shoulder.

Matt stopped talking to the guy he was sitting with and his body turned toward you. The first thing you noticed were his icy blue eyes. Then his bright white teeth that peeked out some when he grinned at you.

Gonna tag my besties on here bc why not

@gatoenlaciudad @meetmyothersouls @ducktapebar

[tellodona]

hello hiii dcd anon (i’ll just use 🤡 anon from now on its easier) here, i hope i’m not making too many requests i’m very sorry if i am

a thought i’ve had for like a while is how demon skin works like, i feel like it’s less stretchy and soft to the touch than human skin because demons are simply just tougher, and also it heals faster. so what i am trying to get at is that demons probably don’t have like stretch marks? it rarely gets to a point their skin would do such a thing and even if it does it heals very fast so it’s not ever acknowledged.

so what about mc with like an abundance of stretch marks? like i can somewhat confidently say at least 15% of my body is just purple lines everywhere so i wonder how would the brothers react to that? once again sorry if i’m doing too many requests

it's alright ! all your requests are so fun to do so don't feel bad about them ! they're topics that i really like learning about

the brothers with an mc who has stretch marks

heads up: gn!mc, hc that demons and angels alike get stretch marks when overworking

lucifer

is probably curious about it

"so you're telling me humans don't smoothen out their skin easily? i see, i see"

probably doesn't even care, if you're still alive even with that abundant of stretch marks, there shouldn't be any problems

he might think it's a condition you're not telling him though

he'll try to rub pride on you if you're insecure about them

you're great just the way you are, mc. your appearance isn't going to change the person you are today

mammon

"what the hell happened to ya?????"

pretends he isn't worried, but he totally is

he'd ask a lot about how you got them because as far as he knew, demons get them when doing lotsa strenuous work

so at first he'd say you're stupid and to stop overworking

when you probably tell him it's not because of that he blanks

he'll understood soon enough

but he'll bark at people who'd look at you weirdly

leviathan

he raises an eyebrow at you

dang, what happened?

wouldn't speak it out though, afraid you're insecure and you'd dislike him

if you're self-conscious about it and see someone with "better" skin than you, he'd feel envy off of you right off the bat

he'd try to comfort you as much as he can

he likes sewing, so if you're insecure, he'd sew some clothes for you to make you feel better and look "prettier"

you're already pretty/handsome/great/awesome/good in his eyes, mc

satan

"i've read humans don't heal easily like demons, but i didn't expect this..."

he didn't mean it in a bad way, though. he'd have to assure you, he's just curious

he thinks it makes you prettier, because it's unique on you

encourages you to accept yourself, because these don't make you less beautiful

he turns demons who make fun of you into shreds behind your back

asmodeus

oh, sweetheart! those marks look so beautiful!

this man sees art in everything, so it's like seeing some intricate designs on your body, and he absolutely loves it

he offers you some soothing lotions though, because he knows they're not normal

if you're insecure about it, he'll absolutely fight you because honey, you're so beautiful!

you shouldn't think that way, it makes him sad

spa days bi-weekly to help soothe your marks

he destroys every demon's social lives when they make fun of you even just once

beelzebub

oh, you have marks, mc?

he sometimes gets them when he exercises a lot, so it's nothing new to him

but why aren't they going away for you

oh right, you're human

you look nothing different to him, anyway, it doesn't matter to him

he'd eat the people who'd look at you wrong

belphegor

this is why you should always nap with him, mc, now look, you've got marks-

oh, they've always been there on you?

he'd grimace since he sees stretch marks as a sign of lack of sloth, but he wouldn't judge you

would always use it as an excuse to cuddle with you though

demons looking at you wrong? eternal sleep, it is

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS SO BUSY :SOB: IM SORRY THEYRE SHORTER TOO RGAHH

[thatgirlfluxwoman]

your bio says you like Wednesday

wednesday is not only the greatest betrayal in television history but the most maddeningly trite, disturbingly vapid, and internally confused ideological train wreck I've ever had the deeply sorrowful displeasure of allowing to pass through my corneas may god have mercy on burton or whoever else was responsible while someone slapped his brand name on it, and on all of us who are fated to live in a world where something so culturally, socially, politically, and artistically noxious as this Mary-sue-lead, transparently TikTok-targeted, phone-worshipping, vaguely bigoted, backfired virtue-signaling, fake leftist capitalist "my immortal"-esque fanfic earns a second season through what I can only be explained as manufactured consent. something must be done about Netflix's Wednesday. This thing is a condescending insult, especially to young people, the socially conscious, and members of marginalized and "'"outcast"'" groups (LiKe GoThS & ppL who CAN cONTroL BEEEEES) who genuinely suffer from what this thing hollowly masturbates to while looking us dead in the eyes and saying "yeah, you like that, don't you?" It is a Gatling gun of random buzzwords and empty references to social issues, grotesquely and impotently disguised and screaming "I'm commentary!" before pissing its pants, squealing like a pig, and at its most coherent offering nothing more than to demonize mental illness and make any marginalized identity out to be a mavonnaise-stained Hot Topic hoodie through Wiseau-ian dialogue, inappropriate "grittiness" for its source material and Harry Potter setting, and incessant hackery. I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d's secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell so I can be eternally punished for having given this moral abomination one fraction of a fraction of a cent also it's not a good Addams family adaptation anyway let me know your thoughts in the poll below

/ref

What. My guys I just liked the show- Uhhh...good for you ya don't like it? Not sure why you complaining to me... Uh...Ok. It's not a show everyones gonna like. I just liked it... It was too long to read. I'm not trying to be rude. Sorry. It's just uh....Why? I get it. Wednesday wasn' ass good as all the other addams family. But I personally enjoyed it. I don't realy into like...movie critic things. I just watch a show and see if I like it. Are you this to every Wednesday enjoyer? Well uh... they got something interesting in their inbox

Crazy part is: I'm not even in the fandom anymore. I just...I liked it. I actually. If ya look through my posts I'm uh...I'm a roleplayer. I roleplay in the TADC (amazing digital circus) Fandom. Most of my posts are...unrelated to Wednesday. So nothing to worry aboout? Good you got your own opinions. People can have opinions. I respect that. And I respect people don't like the show. That's totally fine. The only question is: What does a underaged teenager have to do with this? I'm like...13 my guy. WHAT?? I just hyperfixate on things...It's normal for me...I'm getting diognosed for ADHD soon... I just had a hyperfixation on it a while back...

[ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars]

I loved JJs reaction to being called Baby Boy, lol and I half expected Jasira to be super smug about it. And I actually wanted to ask you if JJ would want to pack casually and in a non sexual context, so you kinda answered my question lol, but would JJ want to try out he/him pronouns too, after realising how strong she reacts to male honorifics? Or would Jasira try to casually bring up the possibility after seeing JJs reactions?

okay, first things first, thank u for this question. it's a great question.

truth b told, i've always imagined JJ in this universe as more of a male title/honorific/term of endearment type rather than the full social transition to he/him pronouns. so, ya know, she loves "sir". as we all saw, she adored "baby boy" and Jasira is gonna call her other terms like that bcus she knows how much she likes it. and when their relationship is official (n serious), then JJ is her boyfriend or her husband. When they raise their children, JJ is gonna get called Dad. and while i can see Jasira going back and forth between she/her and he/him for JJ, i've always pictured it being more of the combination between masculine/male titles (n such) with she/her pronouns.

now, earlier, i emphasized full social transition part.

i did that bcus while i have always sort of thought of Jasira mixing and matching, so to speak, i have also thought of her family, JJ's eventual in laws, particularly her brothers, being a different story. in the back of my mind, i jus always imagined that they would b more the ones who only used he/him pronouns for JJ.

i've always in the back of my mind imagined that the first people to use he/him pronouns for JJ, period, would b Jasira's brothers (once they get cool w JJ) but it would b more so bcus they don't really get lesbian relationships or jus lesbianism and how intricately one's identity as a lesbian can b soooo wrapped up in their gender identity within n of itself. the complexity of that whole thing, of the butch identity as a gender n not jus as a presentation is lost on them. so, their view of lesbian relationships is v much the exact same way they see heterosexual relationships; there's a guy and then there's a girl n yall jus together; it ain't nothin to give thought to kinda view.

so even before they fully get to know JJ, they jus assume she would b "the guy" bcus they knew their sister would not b that.

now when she's in LA, JJ is her most honest self, her most unrepressed self so as they get to know her, it becomes less them thinkin of her that way bcus that's how the understand lesbian relationship and more of them thinkin of her as one of them bcus they respond to who she is, how she carries herself, her energy and all that. so, i've always imagined that it would b a mix of their ignorance n their response to her that would make them use he/him pronouns when referring to JJ.

i always imagined it would b a slip up thing that would happen in conversation or somethin n that JJ would jus find herself not feeling the urge to correct them or anything like that, and her lack of correction would make the pronouns stick, not jus w them but they'd catch on w the family. So, when in Louisiana, surrounded by family, it would b all she hears.

so, to answer ur question the short way, lol, JJ would try he/him pronouns but it wouldn't b a conscious choice, in the beginning, on hers or Jasira's parts. but even tho he/him pronouns do feel good on and to JJ, she/her pronouns are also not somethin that make her feel dysmorphic.

so, yeah.

again, that's for this question. it was a really good one.

[madmadmilk]

lol why else do i log into this account besides to complain? (idk if that sentence even makes sense lol)

but wedding planning rant below >>>>> ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

basic facts about us/the wedding: my bf and i have been together for 10 years, ya we've been talking about weddings but can't justify the $$$. then in feb we said fuck it, we'll never be able to afford a house lets just get married. sooo we've been cram planning through the year while doing comic/anime onventions for our wedding in august this year, yipppeee!!! we both have huge families, and tbh we don't have much drama between us but (of course) there's a lot of tension between family members everywhere. but main consensus is that we're both well liked and loved, so everyone is happy. (yay!) wedding planning has been stressful and fun, but also kind of made me conscious of things i literally don't care about.

the problem:

soooooooooo i don't want a big wedding party (but my mom wants me to give every single family member a role in the wedding -- no.). so i have a party of my sister, two close cousins, and a very good friend. yay? right!! should be, YAY, right???????

hm, so last week, i noticed that one of my cousins, we'll call her cousin A, hasn't really been replying or seen in a month? so that was like weird, and i've noticed some weird stuff but like... idk the world doesn't revolve around me (or my wedding) so I just assumed that life was being life, and gave space.

well.

suddenly cousin A's mom blocks and unfriends most of my family across social media. (cousin A's dad is my mom's sister etc they have a lot of sisters) then everyone goes ???

even i'm like ??? cos i'm still on their friend list.

THEN, cousin A tells me she has to tell me something...

she says that her parents are struggling, and that she hasn't spoken to her dad in a month (my maternal uncle? idk if i phrased that right). and of course, life is life-- i have no judgment, only sympathy for everyone. BUT that means that she and her mom cut off everyone in my family..... because they don't want her dad to spread rumors etc, and don't know who has been told what...

cousin A and her mom wish to disappear from our lives.

???????????

like i said before, life is life, i can't understand their situation-- i dont' know all the sides, but i have immense sympathy for the situation. obviously i dont' want people to fight, i want people to be happy and able to live their lives to the fullest.

so---- though this is not the most important part>> she says that she and her mom and family will not attend my wedding. she's unsure of being there because she doesn't want to face questions and scrunity.

i understand.

i'm just horribly sad over it.

of course i didn't write all the details, but i'm just so sad over this. cousin a is like a sister to me, and i have a horribly hard time getting close to people. i'm so introverted and terrible at keeping up, and i haven't always been the most present for her but.. it just makes me really sad to watch her pull away.

a selfish part of me wishes she could just be there for me, but i understand she needs to go her own way and figure things out at her own pace.

just makes me sad.

and worse, i can't tell anyone about this because no one (on my side of the family) know why they've been distant. no one knows that she's said some bad things about them. no one knows the vague-posting they've been doing freakin facebook. it feels pretty irreparable to me, but no one has seen it all yet. then-- cousin A's family is going on a big trip together, just her, her parents , and her BF and she said who knows maybe they'll make up. maybe things will return.

i don't know what to say to that.

i'm grateful that she called me to give me an explanation instead of leaving me hanging, but it hurt my feelings to be told matter-of-factly. of course, this is something that her family has to work out but yeah.

i probably sound so selfish, but i can't even talk to my mom about this. there's too much of this that is not my story to tell or talk about. too many unkind words said, over something that might... return to "normal." kind of just feel miserable about it.

i wish there was an easy solution, i wish there was a way for ME to just.. be understanding and chill out but it's just sad. i'm not good at keeping secrets, or sitting still. but i'm trying to just focus on myself.

we'll see what happens.

people are going to ask me questions soon, idk what to tell them.

if things turn out to be "okay," then "great." i'll just have some lingering bitterness.

yippee!

TL;DR: one of my bridal party (a cousin), is in the middle of excommunicating my family (over internal family matters)-- thus dropping out. of course it is sad and distressing, i'm trying to be understanding. i'm sad i'm losing a sister, and that she isn't choosing me.

^lol that makes me sound terrible tbh haha. like i said, lots of stuff can't be said but yeah... just sad. i'm literally not going to fill her spot, because doing so would make me feel worse. i'm too sentimental.

[abronzeagegod]

Untitled YA Novel Part Three: Standing At the Void, Yelling into the Silence

First Chapter || More

The social hierarchy of the zlilfians are incredibly complex. As the duty to the Great Houses and the zlilfians as a whole is much more of a priority than the wants and needs of an individual, this is something that humans have a hard time understanding. Of the highest importance is that of the zlilfian people, then the second highest is the Great House to which an individual zlilfian lives in. From there it is the individual and the subset of family and friends. Of individual zlilfians, the most important one is known as the tràrks which might be translated as "best friend" but is much more complex. A tràrks is the highest compliment one zlilfian can give to another, where they express a desire to to spend as much time as possible with this individual to the exclusion of all else. It is one of the few times that zlilfians express any truly selfish desires. Unlike human society where a partner or spouse is someone that you chose to start a family with, the zlilfians' tràrks is not necessarily romantic nor is it someone that they would wish to have a family with.

Chapter 17: We're Awake and Awash with Information

6:28 PM local time

Untouched Horizons, House Dinchdrast, Si Yátz

Justin's dad being awake caused a lot of things to happen all at once.

Doctors rushed in and reach over charts and asked lots of questions. There were lots of new tests and checking things to make sure everything was ok. Then there were the questions about what happened to him and what the Silence did.

Justin was there for all of it. He had to be, he felt.

After a few hours one of the doctors came to him. "Your dad is fine. It appears that he is no longer under the influence of the Silence. Physically and mentally he seems to be perfectly healthy. We're going to keep him here for a little while to monitor him, but I think the only thing you both need is rest."

Justin nodded and thanked the doctor for everything.

Now that he knew his dad was alright, he knew that he had something else to do.

When everyone left the room to let his dad rest, Justin told him goodbye and immediately went to find Mike and Hira.

They had helped him save his dad, and now they had to go back for Hira's friend.

It took a few minutes but he found them in a small office that he could only think of as the computer lab at school.

"Hey," Justin said as he walked into the room and sat down. He felt tired, but there was still work to do.

"Hey," Mike said back.

"How is your father?" Hira asked.

"He's awake. Or conscious, I guess. He fell asleep. But we learned some stuff."

"Like what?" Hira asked.

"I mean mostly how the Silence kind of hollows you out and makes you this shell of yourself because it's ramping up all your internal sadness to maximum levels so you just kind of let it take over."

Mike shuddered in his chair as Hira said, "That sounds very bad."

"But it kind of works in our favor," Justin said. "I don't know if you guys noticed but it kind of breaks everyone under it's control down to like one type of person. They all act the same way and it makes them predictable and easy, or rather, easier, to fight."

"That is a good point," Mike said. "They might be easier to trick, or sneak by, that way. And if we can keep from being outnumbered we have a fighting chance."

Justin nodded and Hira stood up and started pacing, her wings beating a soft steady beat.

"My dad said they wanted him for his access to the Institute and his expertise in deep sea recovery operations," Justin finished. "That might help us narrow down where Frost is going."

"That's good to know," Mike said. "But I have no idea where he can be going."

"He has to be going after the old zlilfian shipwreck. I know he is," Hira said. "Where it is, I do not know."

"We have to assume it's pretty close to Si Yátz, right?" Justin asked. "And somewhere pretty deep otherwise someone would have found it already and Frost wouldn't need my dad to help him get to it."

Hira and Mike spent a few minutes pulling up maps and looking over them. Justin, however, was looking at other stuff.

"He's gonna need a submarine of some kind," Justin said. "If we assume it's deep enough to not have been casually found, and I'm sure our Horizon friends have been keeping an eye on it, he's going to need a good submarine."

"Where would he get a submarine?" Mike asked. "It's not like they rent them out."

"Some people do, to fancy rich people," Justin countered. "But if we stopped him from getting a sub at the Institute, I don't know where else he could be going."

"He's probably going to a secret submarine pen in Cuba," Alt said from the doorway. "I was wondering where you lot had disappeared to."

Mike tried to hide what he was doing but was the opposite of subtle.

"You're going after Frost aren't you?" Alt asked as he took a seat at one of the open desks.

"No," Mike said, once again proving to be the worst liar.

"No," Hira said a moment after Mike failed at being convincing. "Rafe needs to be rescued."

"I thought you would," Alt said. "it's what I would be doing."

"You're not going to stop us?" Justin asked, incredulous.

"No," Alt said with a sigh. "I can't really stop you. Horizons is spread thin with the attacks and injuries we suffered. And we don't have a lot of time to act. If we want to do anything it's on you to do it."

"Are you going to tell us why Frost is after a wrecked boat that's older than most civilizations?" Justin asked bluntly.

"No," Alt said firmly. "Because that is a secret bigger than all of us, and exposing it is probably exactly what Bradford wants to do."

"So you want us to go stop Bradford without telling us what he's doing or why? Just give us a vague mission of 'stop that guy from doing a thing' and that's it?" Justin countered.

"Basically. That's what secret government work is most of the time. I know it's a lot and it's dangerous, but please, I need you to extend to me this little bit of trust."

"Is it a weapon? Like Greek Fire or something equally old and dangerous?" Mike asked. "Is it a spaceship?"

Alt chuckled. "No, nothing like that. It's just some old old secrets that if exposed would put every zlilfian in a very dangerous position in the rest of the world."

"Ark of the Covenant," Mike whispered to Justin. "Or the Fate of Atlantis."

"Fine, we'll help," Justin said. "But our priority is saving Rafe and anyone else still held by Frost. Then we'll try to stop him."

"Taking away his followers would probably do more to cripple his plans than anything else we could do at the moment," Alt said.

"Then where do we go?" Hira asked. "Is there still time to stop them?"

Alt stood up and moved gingerly to the maps the group had assembled. "He's probably going to this submarine pen. It dates back to the Cold War so it's pretty old. It's one of the few times we were on the same side as the United States, so we were actively monitoring the Cubans. It's not extremely active but they still use it some. There's no doubt that Frost knows about this pen. He'll likely try to steal a sub from there."

"How can we get there before him?" Mike asked.

"He's on a boat used by a science institute. It's not built for speed and unless he is getting off on the other side of Cuba and getting a ride to a secret base, he's going to have to go all the way around. it will take him a day, if not more."

"So we have some time for a rest and then we can just fly right there?" Justin asked.

"By my estimations if you leave in six hours you can get there with plenty of time to set up a trap and get the lay of the land before Bradford shows up," Alt said. "I would recommend getting some sleep. When you wake, you'll have your choice of equipment and then you'll have a short plane ride."

The group looked at each other.

"I would get some sleep," Alt said as he stood up. "You're going to need it."

It had been an exhausting day and there was another one coming up tomorrow. The teens did as they were told and moved off to their rooms. But it didn't take long for each of them to realize that sleeping alone in the silence of their rooms wasn't a good feeling. They all went into Hira's room and fell asleep together. Mike and Justin on the floor, Hira atop her bed, sleeping with her arms and legs curled up underneath her.

i have a kofi

find me on pillowfort

[another-dra-anew]

scuttles. if ur still doing the ask meme. kurokawa (annie)

kurokawa!!! i totally didn’t fill out everything except the last bullet point and then forget i was working on this for like a week. ☺️

-My identity hc for them

i hc’ed her as lesbian specifically for a v long time, but bi kurokawa has been speaking to me recently ? bisexual homoromantic may b,, split attraction model my beloved. but who really knows!! my thoughts will prolly change again. 

and i don’t really think much abt her gender identity! she prolly ids as like.. a girlie pop. that’s what she’d say if u asked her. some characters are canonically cis some canonically trans some of them i have opinions on but it’s not smthn like. “canon” per se. and some i just have zero thoughts whatsoever kurokawa is in that last category

- Thoughts on their home life/family

neeeed to rewrite the motive scene in ch1 so bad. uhmmm. ya know. i think kurokawas love of streaming/social media/etc stemmed from like….. wanting to have fwends and that not really being an option for her ? she was v well loved and v well taken care of but like… having a bunch of besties who she could go have sleepovers with and stuff was never a feasible thing… so i think like. having a fanbase is vv much so a comfort thing. can’t have friends over to do their makeup but can do her own makeup while chatting with people. can’t bake for friends but can share recipes/demonstrate them and see people post their recreations. not really about her family, but it’s a bit of a home life detail! 

  - How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

i like how she’s written and handled! i actually reaaaally like what happens with her narratively for reasons i cant explain yet. buuut yea i like her she’s fun! even if her writing kinda shows how old beta is (ie was written before we had proper dra translations). “but wait couldn’t u just rewrite her personality now we know mikakos true behavior” consider: i don’t want to !!!! i wuv her she’s staying. i’ve gently changed things but just… shhh. it’s fine. <3

- The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

despite being in the… sunny and sociable archetype (i will NOT spoil… (<- trying to keep myself in check) but hopefully smthn that’s come across is how like. a big message rn is how important being besties is to preventing murders), kurokawa is like. zero help to keeping people hopeful and not wanting to murder one another in a kg setting. personality =/= how good u are at connecting with people. shes not going to actively make things worse like Some People, but simply having a cheerful nature will noooot help people stay happy and if anything can result in further isolation. it’s a matter of how u interact with others- there’s people who are more negative/pessimistic but they do better to increase the odds of the group being calm than kurokawa does.

and this is nothing against her as a character or a person!! it’s just a matter of how beta is written, and also how she’s written and handled, that i wish was more apparent. i think it’s a fun insight on her personality and who she is. she’s not consciously trying to be, like…… she’d love it if she could be uplifting and a source of hope! but she just Doesn’t form those bonds with people immediately. tsuzuna have very specific approaches and are very Conscious of how they interact with others, and kurokawa just doesn’t have theee… knowledge/skill/experience. because she’s not used to long term emotional crisis management!!!

- My number one favorite ship for them

…y’all remember kobashikawas ask meme fill? i should say kuronori logically they’re The moment. but my brain rn is saying tomori/kurokawa…..

- …Now everyone else i ship with them

she’s v shippable!! again my hcs change often but rn she’s actually one of the characters i can see w/classmates of the opposite gender. woah. that in mind tho, i only really actively ship her with the other members of the kuronorimakitomo polycule, but i also think she’d be cute dating tomori and iranami (downsizing the polycule…. if kurokawa and tomori are with iranami, does that mean inori and maki are with hatano? hm..)!! i think she’d also kinda be 👀? at taira when they first met, but after getting to know her a bit better kurokawas like “oh !” and side steps away. she doesn’t like tais energy.

- The thing i will NEVER ship

. do i need to say it. 

- a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

the fact kurokawa was like. kobashikawa should come with us to the exorcism cuz he investigated the store!!!! despite. literally investigating the store with him is really funny to me. underrated moment girlie what was ur reasoning there!!! also she didn’t even invite ōtori. it’s so silly to me, so i have to say kurokawa and kobashikawa- OH though!! i do also like her and uehara. canon answer for dra in general, to put them together. but i think they’re silly!! overall just the maedas exorcism gang!

- thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

!!! i like her design a lot actually! constantly changing little details, but the general concept of purple jacket, black t-shirt, black shorts, then socks and sneakers, is always the same, and i always like it!! it’s a bit more plain, but it allows for little details to be added (shoes w/hand drawn details, custom made jacket), which are cute and add to her character! liiike, kurokawa and uehara both have custom shoes and jackets, but they came about them, and stylized them in v different ways, and so it says smthn different while still being the same sort of concept. buuuut anyways!! she’s cute and i wuv her fit <3!! 

- A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

maybe a weird thing to point out as a niche?  but i think she listens to a lot of kpop girl groups…. fun time to mention that i cannot imagine her on twitter i think she has one for like. her brand ? which is very inactive. i don’t think she’s one where the music like……. ✨speaks✨ to her i think she’s a casual enjoyer of the things she likes!

[rabbit-chicken-witch]

I gotta say, I’ve been having a new appreciation for people lately.

I still don’t wanna be around a lot of them a good portion of the time, but I feel less spiteful towards the general public. It’s probably because of my job.

I’m “encouraged to have a conversation” which is, a part of your job is to be a friendly customer service person while they wait for their order. I could be bitter about it, but I was the one who signed up for it ya know? It’s dumb to victimize yourself when it was your choice to be there and I’ve come to a point where I’d rather make the most of it.

I think because of that I’ve been able to work on my social anxiety and actually hang with friends. My confidence feels higher because I know even if I fall on my face with my words, I can use that as my charm. All the things I’ve been anxious about are becoming strengths because I’ve been rolling with it.

It’s a very cool feeling to me. Of course it’s never perfect. Some people are just bitter people and I will not engage with someone like that. Sometimes I’m too direct and I accidentally rizz someone and make them think I’m into them, which is flattering when they rizz back but that was certainly not my plan or intention and I gotta roll it back or walk away. I have no idea how people get that vibe from me, but someone once told me “it just takes a smile and a good attitude for some.” And I gotta be more conscious about that.

I guess to summarize it’s a new feeling to engage with people and not care what they think of me as much anymore. Especially because I know who I am and who I am starting to become and being more comfortable in that.

I’m really happy there is less hate in my heart.

[suckitsurveys]

Will you answer these questions as personally as you can? No, never.

Why are you happy? I have an INSANE opportunity coming up next weekend and I genuinely cannot believe this is happening.

Who’s the last person you hugged? My husband.

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? Eh.

Do you like the song ‘Sick Little Games’ by All Time Low? I don’t think I’ve heard it.

Last night you felt? Content and excited.

How are you feeling right now? I’m so excited and overwhelmed and anxious and baffled and ecstatic like i literally cannot believe I get to do what I’m doing (i’m not supposed to mention what it is on social media yet hehe) but I’m also SO nervous because I have to on my own and there’s a lot of factors involved and ahhhhhh .

Are you drifting away from someone you were close with? Eh.

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with? No.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? Yes.

What are you listening to? Nothing, it’s so quiet in here.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel? Oh yes.

What is in your pocket? I currently don’t have anything in them.

Have a best friend? Yes.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? Not at all, especially since we all live in different places haha.

Do you keep any secrets from your best friend? Not purposefully, no, but I also don’t tell them EVERYTHING, ya know?

What were you doing 60 minutes ago? Starting this and working.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Of course.

What’s something that can always make you feel better? Kitties and TV.

What do you want right now? To be able to magically lose weight before next weekend so I’m not so anxious and self conscious. And also to learn how to do my make up for the same reason .

What would you name your future son? I’m never having children.

If you had to eat 1 thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Sushi.

How’s your life lately? God, it’s only February and this year has been an absolute ROLLERCOASTER. Like literal ups and downs every damn day.

Last person to send you a text? A group chat I’m in.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Working.

Did you have a good birthday this year? It’s not til September.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Existing.

Do you trust easily? No.

Do you like cookies n’ cream ice cream? I don’t hate it.

Ever been mistaken for someone else, and took it as an insult? I don’t think so, no.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black.

Is there a boy that would do absolutely everything for you? Yes.

Did you ever think you had the Swine flu? No..

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? My sister.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Mark.

Are you a mean person? No.

Does anyone hate you? Very much a possibility, yeah.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? It all depends.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? My husband.

Will this weekend be a good one? Sure.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? Yes.

Are you mad at someone right now? Nah.

[spaceghostyons]

I've been listening to J Cole and Kendricks discography the past few days to refresh my memory etc. Few thoughts.

Cole improved a lot the past few albums as a lyricist. Between Born Sinner and KOD, I think he was trying to figure out how to make 'commercial music', so the sing songy stuff and more flow focus over lyricism, which lost me as I was a fan before he got signed when I saw the Who Dat video, he had a fire and raw energy and upon getting signed its like he was trying to figure out how to fit in the industry and make hit music. And I just felt Drake and Big Sean was doing that so much better. Then Kendrick did the conscious thing so much better so Cole was trying to figure out where he fit in and he even acknowledged that in recent tracks and this latest Kendrick diss (which was cool). But he's found his stride as of recent years.

The Off Season is really good, he's really spittin on there. Might be his best work so far? Cole said TPAB was boring. I listen to that album occasionally but I went back to it this morning. J Cole has never had an album as layered and cohesive as this. As well produced, written and musical. I can see how it can be boring to people that only listen to hiphop and r&b, but if you have any depth to your musical taste, TPAB is in the top 50 hiphop albums ever. There's nothing to compare it to in modern rap. It changed the game in the same ways every bonafide classic did before it and no hiphop album has since. J Cole knows he's been playing catch up and admits that. If 'bars' is what you're looking for, then I'd say Cole has definitely been giving us solid bars more consistently! He's also given general hiphop fans more vibes as of late, Cole can fit in on playlists with a lot of contemporary rappers moreso than Kendrick rn. He's been busier for sure bc again he's playing catch up. I just don't think Cole is as good an overall hiphop artist and songwriter as Kendrick. I've yet to hear a song as well written and iconic as 'Alright', or 'Money Trees' or Backseat Freestyle' or 'Swimming Pools', or emotionally resonant as 'Sing About Me' 'The Heart Part 5' or Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe, or just flat out vibes or bangers like 'Loyalty', Element, DNA, etc. I really just think people have recency bias, Kendrick went quiet a bit and didn't make any radio singles on his last project and went away from the industry in silent protest and some people forgot how impactful he was and how much of a game changer his art is. But that's hip-hop and social media age for ya. It's looking like Kendrick is going to remind people this year.