#wtf how'd they know

[thenarrativefoil]

still can’t believe I watched 8 seasons of house md and 4 episodes before the end I figured out the cause of my own rare health disorder that 10+ doctors over 4 years weren’t able to figure out.

[nexus-nebulae]

as a scientist there are very few things people can do that genuinely makes me go "what the fuck". gotta say "growing homemade rat brains for the sole purpose of playing doom" sure is up there

[chonnysinferno]

HOWD THEY FIND OUT WTF

WHY ARE THEY TRYING TOI FIND ME A HOT LGBTQ+ CELEBRITY GIRLFRINED SLASH BOYFRIEND???????

is this because of the cj video underneath it wtf

THEY KNOW.

[p1zzaparty]

I legitimately don't know how people are able to have such a far reach with their art on here 😭

Like im STRUGGLING to have my art seen and i know it's all just sorta luck and timing but good LORD how do some of you do it

Also im not complaining at all i know that's just how social media works but uh PLEASE IM BEGGING ON MY KNEES

[parulite]

wait lets talk about it: The Sully Kids + "Sir"

so like to start, sources: I am the kid of a military family who grew up around a military base (so had lots of friends in the same boat) whose dad taught and expected "sir" as a signifier for being understood and recognized as authority. And here's the thing

"Sir" as a form of address by itself is not an indicator of a bad relationship with ones parents. Like it's just not. I don't know if it was for people who are saying this or if they just didn't experience it at all and don't understand it, but I promise you it doesn't have to be that deep. Sir in military households is just an understood part of talking and showing respect, it isn't always punishment, or punished if it isn't said, and it doesn't indicate the formality people think it does. "His kids call him sir he's a bad parent" is a reductive take that really just lacks nuance.

I think this is a recent development for them. If the kids had been calling him "sir" all their lives, they wouldn't forget to do it as often as they do. I don't think a single one of them defaults "sir" or "yes sir" even once, they always say "dad" or "yes" and then correct. This tells me "sir" is new, because if they'd grown up with it it would be a reflex, and they wouldn't forget, they'd only leave it off if they were intentionally being stubborn or otherwise expressing they don't like what they're being told to do. The way they all default "Dad" before 'sir' or the code name I keep forgetting and have to constantly backtrack to correct, in addition to the fact that it seems to be only the boys who feel the need to call him sir, makes me suspect it's only been in effect for the last year, since the RDA landed, and that it's risen from Neteyam and Lo'ak being part of the resistance efforts and raids. They call him "sir" when they're acting as scouts against the RDA and when he gets on to them in the capacity of reminding them that things are dangerous, now. That they are actively under threat.

Jake never enforces it. He never corrects them or gives them a Look™ when they correct themselves, there's nothing that suggests they have to only call him "sir" or that they are harshly punished when they do not. My best guess says he's lectured them more than once on being safe on the comms, presumably because they never know when/if the humans are listening, so the 'sir' and the code names are to prevent them from sussing out that Jake's kids are on this site with him and could be targeted. (Gosh wouldn't it suck if that happened, haha. Ha.) Was his lecture harsh? Definitely. Has it ever been anything but fearful love? Absolutely not. If he only cared about the authority of 'sir' they would never call him dad and they would not whine at him, or backtalk, or open up when he asks them what's wrong.

Read it how you want, I guess? But personally I just do not see this as a "you have to respect me and be perfect Or Else" situation it's so plainly a "oh my god my kids are on a battlefield and i never wanted this for them and i am Afraid" situation. The part where they want to 'measure up' seems, to me, to have more to do with the way honoring ones family works in na'vi tradition; the pressure is to continue the work your parents have accomplished, and if your parents lead the clan and were legendary rider of last shadow that has only happened six times in recorded history, then like... high bar to measure yourself against. And you're telling me you've never compared yourself to your parents and been like 'what am i doing'? Come on.

[v3nusisme]

*sigh*

I love Tumblr.

[vasattope]

so much Scorpio in ur charts DAMN 👀

I used to be a little upset about it but now I think it's cool. I'm probably the Scorpio most Scorpio you know lmao

[winterzsurprise]

Ride me? || Miguel O'hara

Pairing: Miguel O'hara (Spider-Man 2099) x F!reader

Tags: Overstimulation, rough sex, choking, squirting, vaginal fingering, big dick Miguel, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), fang kink if you squint.

Words: 1.8k

Summary: Just when you thought he's exhausted enough from chasing Miles Morales and had given you the chance to actually ride him, Miguel has other plans.

This man evokes something so feral in me that I forgot I was suffering through the worst writer's block. He got me giggling and twirling my hair yesterday at the cinema wtf. I used my very limited Mexican Spanish knowledge from watching streamers flirting in a block game for this.

cariño - honey || mi vida - my life || mi amor - my love || guapito - handsome

Miguel isn't the type to let someone control the pace, even if he did, his hands grounded on your waist would soon guide your hips into a rhythm he prefers, hard and fast.

You've been hearing the ruckus down the spider webs, something about another version rebelling against the usual stories of every Spider-Man in the multiverse to save his dad. Knowing that your husband sits at the top as their leader, you expected him to disappear for a long period of time.

Not that you mind of course, he's had plenty of times he charges in to handle an anomaly himself.

You do have to give some kudos to the kid for trying to change reality though. After Miguel's story, nobody in the headquarters, even you, dared to defy the fates laid upon every Spider-Man.

It's been three days since he left and honestly, you didn't expect him to arrive yet. A person deterring from the fates of every Spider-Man would be hard to handle, you couldn't even imagine how difficult it'd be.

So when the doors to your apartment flew open and came to him, practically drooping from exhaustion, you were surprised.

He came earlier than expected.

"How'd the chase go?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Come here." 

Drying your hands off on the towel hanging from the wall counter, you made your way to the man laid spread and heaving on the couch. His head tipped back with his usually neatly gelled hair now haggard and messy, he looked up when he sensed your presence and immediately pulled you onto his lap.

You laughed. "Don't fall asleep here, I don't want to carry your heavy ass."

His lips tugged into a weak smile, his pointy canines briefly appearing.

"Spider-Man is supposed to help the weak, are you really ignoring a civilian in need?"

You didn't get what he meant until he pulled your hips closer, dragging your core over the tent on his pants.

You hit his arm. "Go to sleep, you must've been really tired after chasing that kid around."

"Then ride me."

You paused before narrowing your eyes at him. He's baiting you with the very thing you've wanted to do since the beginning. But the dark cloud of lust in his eyes somehow convinced you of his genuineness.

His talons dug onto your flesh, hard enough to take control of your hips to grind on top of his dick sensually while keeping eye contact with yours. You couldn't ignore the pleasure and jolts of heat electrifying and burning your nerve endings alight at every drag of your heat over his.

"I want to feel you baby, I miss you so much."

Miguel pushes you down on his hardness and you moan, the feeling of his girth finding home between your legs shot electric pleasure down your spine.

"You are a convincing man."

"And you love it."

You lunged for a kiss and instantly, one of his hands threaded itself onto the back of your head, locking you in place as your lips danced against each other in a fierce battle. The raw hunger after being starved for a week now surfacing and consuming you both, mind and body. 

His other hand guided your hips up and down his clothed dick, his deep groans and growl lit fireworks in you, igniting your determination to coax more of them out of his lips.

"Get rid of the pants or I'll rip it off of you."

"Rip it then."

He didn't need to hear you twice. 

In one quick motion, he tore your sweatpants into two before doing the same thing to your panties and throwing them somewhere in the room. He groaned as his head fell onto the crook of your neck, hands crawling up to cup your breasts before your top and bra suffered the same fate as your other clothing.

"The pants, only the pants! I loved that bra!"

"I'll buy you something better, from another universe even." He responded, almost breathless as your scent invaded every speck of his senses. Miguel groaned. "Fuck, I miss this scent of yours baby."

"I don't care, get rid of the suit."

His attire dissolved into thin air and retracted back to god-knows-where, revealing his ruffled shirt and grey sweatpants that did nothing but proclaim his clear desire for you.

"Let me prep you real good, huh?"

Retracting his talons, two of his fingers delved into your heat, immediately drenching itself with your arousal and he groaned.

"So wet for me, mi amor."

"Only for you, guapito."

Two of his digits rolled your clit sensually and with the dexterity of an experienced man, urging more of your arousal to coat his fingers further. Once he was satisfied with the amount of fluid now dripping into his pants, he wandered lower and lower until he plunged his index in, curling it up so deliciously you moaned and grinded your hips onto the slow plunge of his hand.

His eyes watched your heat like a ravenous man holding back, the feral look on his face only pulled you closer to the edge.

And it's only a finger in.

"So tight, mi vida. You treat me so well."

He added two fingers in and you screamed, his pace now rapidly gaining speed. Your eyes rolled back as your hips thrashed and clumsily followed his thrusts, there was nothing else that mattered more than coming for your darling in that moment.

Miguel groaned, watching your face twist into the most sinful display of pleasure he has ever seen. The pride and smugness from knowing it was all because of him made him smile.

Only he could see you in such a state and no one else.

You clenched around his digits, tempting him to finally take the dive. Although his fingers coaxed pleasure out of you with no problem, you missed the feeling of his dick carving your insides, stretching you thin and reminding your cunt who it belongs to.

But Miguel ignored the bait and instead hastened up while curling up to push on your g-spot. You almost blacked out from the euphoria he feeds you, a coil in your stomach tightened and you moaned.

"I'm cl-close… Fuck!"

"Give it to me baby, I want it all."

It didn't last long until the coil exploded and your arousal squirts out of your cunt to drench Miguel's shirt, whose gaze turned a shade darker at the scene when you peered down to meet his gaze.

A tense atmosphere rose from his mere gaze and goosebumps prickled your skin. Your heartbeat jumped through the roofs as you stared back at his dark eyes, he triggered your spidey sense.

And for some sick reason, it only ignited the simmering arousal in the pits of your abdomen.

"Fuck the ride, you're not getting up until I say so, cariño."

You barely sensed him flipping you both, with you now seated and spread on the sofa while he stood in front of you, hastily removing his remaining clothing as if it angered him.

It didn't take long until his hand cautiously wrapped around your neck and his other, pinning your hips as he plunged himself deep into your cunt. You screamed as he pushed more of him, inch by inch. He stretched you out to the point of no return, the burn of his cock carving you open once more made you light-headed.

And he loves nothing more but seeing the cock-drunk look on your face.

Miguel grinned, his fangs protruding so attractively. "God, I love how fucked you look for me, cariño. Give me more."

He pulls and plunged himself back in, shooting hot white pleasure in your body. Miguel didn't wait long before his usual hard and rough pace started. The hand around your throat tightened and your mind turned woozy from the lack of oxygen, his thrust taking your breath away only evoking the feeling of nirvana within you.

He drove in you hard and quick enough you can distantly hear the couch legs wincing as it gets pushed back with every plunge of his dick.

"Fuck…!"

"That's right darling, I'm fucking my sweet cariño open and wide for me."

The electric shocks the head of his cock briefly grazing the head of your uterus sent your legs flailing on his sides. Growing bothered by them, he halts to rest them on his wide shoulders and wraps his arm around your thigh before entering somehow deeper into you.

Your hands found his meaty thigh and dug itself onto it and it encouraged him to go even faster, pushing you closer to the edge and you swore you could see the pearly gates of the heavens.

"I'm co-coming…! Miguel!"

"Give it to me baby, you know how much I love seeing you convulse so helplessly around me."

The hand on your throat left to find purchase on your clit, rubbing you as fast his cock plunges into you.

With a scream, you came. 

Your legs trembled violently on his shoulder as more of your arousal spurts out of your heat, white hot pleasure burned and stirred every nerve ending awake as your eyes rolled back.

But this doesn't seem to be enough for Miguel who only took a break to see your thighs convulse before continuing his thrusts.

You hit his thighs as he kickstarted another orgasm now bubbling in the pit of your stomach but he paid no heed. 

Not that you minded of course, if anything, it only pleases the sick bastard in your head, wishing to be used and fucked so well by your husband like it's your sole purpose.

"I'm so close, baby. Can you give me another one? Surely you can, right?"

His fingers rubbed your clit to the point of pain yet it somehow enhanced the pleasure growing larger in your chest and you screamed. Miguel bent down to rest his sweaty forehead on your shoulder, in the clouded state you were in, you could make out the sharp points of his canines pushing down your skin.

The threat of his bite shot jolts down to your heavily beaten cunt, once again tightening its coil. The frequent groans and low growls escaping his lips alone told you he's near to climax.

And with that, he's dragging you down with him.

"Please please please, give it to me…!"

"Yes, cariño. Anything, Anything for you."

With a couple of thrust, scorching hot explodes inside of you and Miguel slows down, almost into a halt as he rides down his high. The face of pure unadulterated ecstasy painting his face, along with his fingers, you came with another shout.

When he's calmer, he lets his sweaty body fall into your arms before reaching around to do the same. 

As your breathing returns to normal and the fog in your head clears, Miguel places a gentle kiss on your temple and cheeks.

"I love you so much, cariño."

"I love you more, guapito."

[tathrin]

Ehh gotta protest the Thranduil thing. (Although I am also laughing at the “no such thing as a low-key elf” conceit, because: yes XD) But Thorin was the one being shady in that part, entirely. Because the dwarves weren’t minding their own business. In the book, the dwarves trespassed on the elves three times before the elves finally snatched one of them to find out what the fuck they wanted, and Thorin flat-out refused to explain so Thranduil went “mkay, then you can be locked-up until you decide to tell me what you want in my forest so I can decide whether or not you’re a threat to my people and should be allowed to pass through my lands or not, strange and suspicious person who’s being incredibly rude without explanation.”

Deciding that once the dragon was dead, they might as well go march in with an army to claim part of Smaug’s treasure? Yeah, that’s worth some serious side-eye. (Although in Thranduil’s defense, even there he was all “long will I tarry before I begin a war for gold” so he at least had limits to how far he was willing to go to take someone else’s treasure lol.) But locking-up a bunch of shifty characters trespassing in your forest and refusing to explain themselves? Nah, Thranduil was entirely in the right on that one, I’d say.

Movie!Thranduil is a very different story...but then, the Hobbit movies are a very different story lmao

Shadiest/worst low-key thing you think an elf has done?

Hmmm worst low-key thing? This is tricky because elves (particularly the ones I like) are not known for being low-key. Not a fan of some of the colonialism in the Second and later Ages (side-eying Galadriel, Celeborn and Oropher, among others). Also I think Fingolfin naming himself Finwënolofinwë immediately after the Darkening (and his promise to follow Fëanor!) was pretty shady but it makes him interesting as well. I haven’t reread The Hobbit in ages so I might be a bit poisoned by movie-verse here, but Thranduil locking up the dwarves who were literally just minding their own business trying to get to Erebor was kind of shady too. If Thingol’s misdeeds count as low-key, then put all of them in here too.

[love-belle]

good riddance !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is them pretending that they weren't each other's everything.

or

for when you're too hurt to regret anything. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i hope u like this one!!! thank u so much for reading, i love you <3 just a note, that i will probably not be posting next week bc i have exams but i will be active here so ! if u message me, i'll probably reply, i hope so anyways lol <3

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 779,617 others

yourusername taylor was so right when she said "oh my love is a lie" bc fr love IS a lie

7,927 comments

username she gets it

username oh this speaks VOLUMES

username bestie u should've just tagged him at this point

username i will never be getting over them u don't get it they were my PARENTS

username girl is heartbroken but still slaying

*liked by yourusername*

username i miss u and danny so much 💔💔💔💔💔💔

lilymhe kids remember to drink rat poison before you fall in love because it never works out!!!

-> yourusername so true gf

-> alex_albon ???

-> lilymhe no babe look away

-> username poor alex omg 💀💀💀

username TAYLOR SWIFT ALWAYS RIGHT

*liked by yourusername*

username im a child of divorce what the fuck

username hits different ://///

username the highkey shade 😭😭😭

landonorris we miss you!!!

-> maxverstappen1 who's we

-> yourusername i will steal jimmy and sassy again don't test me maximus

-> maxverstappen1 for fuck's sake that's NOT my full name

-> yourusername ok maximus.

-> username OH THANK FUCK 🙏🙏🙏 i genuinely thought her friendship with everyone would be all fucked up but im so happy to see this ❤️❤️❤️

-> username they're so precious to me

username missing daniel is the comments simping for her 💔💔💔

username "love exists bc u exist for me" IM CRYING WHAT THR CUCK

-> username how'd we go from THAT to this.

georgerussell63 your hobbies include calling me and carmen at 3 in the morning just to say bonjour in weird accents and then hang up

-> yourusername idk abt u but carmen loves me doing that

-> carmenmmundt can confirm 😘

username nah bc what'd daniel do so bad that y/n started doing STUFF

-> username IM SAYING LIKE 😭😭😭

username missing her in the paddock sm omg ://

username praying she's at the next race 🙏🙏🙏

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 782,526 others

danielricciardo good riddance.

8,626 comments

username PAUSE

username reverse whatcthebfuck

username daniel babe what.

username no bc if i was y/n i would cry maybe that's just my sensitive ass

-> username definitely not just u bc i would SOB

username OH MY GOD

landonorris don't act like i can't hear you singing sad songs to yourself

-> danielricciardo LEAVE ME ALONE

username nah bc what the fucj

username i don't like it one bit 🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤

username NOT MY PARENTS FIGHTING

username love is not real bc if they didn't work out then there's absolutely no hope for me

username i feel so bad :////

charles_leclerc you're lying

-> danielricciardo no i'm not

-> charles_leclerc yes you are, i can see you wipe away your tears

-> danielricciardo STOP EXPOSING ME

-> username PLEASE OH MY GOD

username "good riddance" what if this was my last straw.

username i know he's gasping for air rn knowing he lost a bad bitch like y/n

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username someone take away y/n's phone before she sees this PLEASE

username my heart's breaking wtf

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-> username those were the highlights of my entire week like ://

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maxverstappen1 nice

*liked by danielricciardo*

username i know max is maaaaaaaaaaad

username the f1 gc is blowing up as we speak rn

-> username real like y/n is like their baby sister 😭😭😭

≡;- ꒰ °text messages ꒱

kelly's bf 👎 - max ; cat stealer ❌ - y/n

cat stealer ❌ : max

kelly's bf 👎 : what

cat stealer ❌ : is kelly with u

kelly's bf 👎 : she's out with p

kelly's bf 👎 : what happened

cat stealer ❌ : just wanted to talk to her

cat stealer ❌ : it's okay, just tell her to give me a call whenever she's back :) tell sweet p i love her and i miss her sm

kelly's bf 👎 : will do

seen 1m ago

kelly's bf 👎 : hey you okay?

kelly's bf 👎 : i saw what daniel posted

kelly's bf 👎 : it's a shit move just saying

kelly's bf 👎 : he's stupid

cat stealer ❌ : yeah idc lol

cat stealer ❌ : "good riddance" ok boy u literally begged me to make it work

cat stealer ❌ : i'm sorry ik he's ur best friend

kelly's bf 👎 : yeah but so are you

cat stealer ❌ : WOAHHH PAUSE

cat stealer ❌ : max being nice for a change?????

cat stealer ❌ : history was made

kelly's bf 👎 : don't make me take it back

kelly's bf 👎 : but yeah

kelly's bf 👎 : don't pay any attention to him, yeah? i'm sure kelly will have a few choice words for him at the next race, along with me. and p probably, she loves her aunt y/n

kelly's bf 👎 : speaking of that, you're coming to the next race right?

cat stealer ❌ : i love u all :// thank u

cat stealer ❌ : and no, i don't think it's a good idea

kelly's bf 👎 : are you sure? you can stay inside the whole time, he won't even see you

cat stealer ❌ : i'll think abt it, im just very overwhelmed rn that's all

kelly's bf 👎 : that's very understandable tbh

cat stealer ❌ : max

kelly's bf 👎 : y/n

cat stealer ❌ : can i ask u something

kelly's bf 👎 : if this is about letting you and kelly give me a makeover, it's no

cat stealer ❌ : we'll convince u someday but that's not what i wanted to ask

kelly's bf 👎 : what is it?

cat stealer ❌ : do u think daniel ever loved me

cat stealer ❌ : like at all???

kelly's bf 👎 : y/n

kelly's bf 👎 : of course he did

kelly's bf 👎 : you were his everything

cat stealer ❌ : then why was it so easy for him to walk out and then say "good riddance"

cat stealer ❌ : he took the easy way out

kelly's bf 👎 : he's a stupid asshole that's all

kelly's bf 👎 : but he truly did love you, he still does. i know i complained a lot, but with the way he spoke of you, like you were truly his everything. it was such a happy site, seeing my two best friends in love

cat stealer ❌ : u called me best friend twice omg

cat stealer ❌ : that's a record

kelly's bf 👎 : shut up

kelly's bf 👎 : my point is

cat stealer ❌ : i need to post something so W

cat stealer ❌ : brb

cat stealer ❌ : kelly's calling me

kelly's bf 👎 : so i was just a placeholder till my girlfriend arrived?

cat stealer ❌ : aw look at u using ur brain

kelly's bf 👎 : this is why daniel broke up with you

cat stealer ❌ : TOO SOON

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

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yourusername me looking for my last fuck to give

7,927 comments

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maxverstappen1 👍

-> yourusername 👎

-> maxverstappen1 okay fuck you i was trying to be nice

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lilymhe SLAYED

*liked by yourusername*

lilymhe IN LOVE

*liked by yourusername*

lilymhe on my knees pls marry me

-> yourusername let's go bb i'll get u a ring

-> alex_albon oh

-> lilymhe babe LOOK AWAY

username two artworks in one frame

-> yourusername pls i love u 😭😭😭

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charles_leclerc as lando taught me "slayed the house down 🔥🔥🔥"

-> yourusername PLEASE IM HONOURED

username i adore her friendship with the grid 🫶🏼

username ahsuidsjgsjsjsksisjajsdh

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, landonorris and 796,415 others

danielricciardo ignorance doesn't suit you

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

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yourusername honey everything suits me ❤️

tagged danielricciardo

comments are disabled for this post

[popcat69]

Incorrect Tmnt quotes

Mikey: What does 'take out' mean? Donnie: Food. Leo: Dating Raph: Murder Y/n: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Donnie: Favourite horror movie?

Mikey: It

Raph: Saw

Leo: Annabelle

Y/n: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Leo: Croissants: dropped

Raph: Road: works ahead

Y/n: BBQ sauce: on my titties

April: Shavacado: fre

Mikey: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Donnie:

Donnie: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Y/n: Change is inedible.

Donnie: Don't you mean inevitable?

Y/n, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

Mikey: Hey Donnie,

Donnie: Yes?

Mikey: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Donnie:

Donnie: Where’s Y/n?

Donnie: April isn’t answering their phone

Y/n: I’ll call

Donnie: Casey and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

April: Hello?

Y/n: Top 30 reasons why y/n is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Raph: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

Mikey: I'm incredibly fast at maths.

Y/n: Alright, what's 30x17?

Mikey: 47

Y/n: That's not even close.

Mikey: But it was fast.

Donnie: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Raph: Nope, absolutely not.

Leo: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Mikey: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Casey: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Y/n: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Splinter: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Leo: ...I did. I broke it.

Splinter: No. No you didn't. Mikey?

Mikey: Don't look at me. Look at Y/n.

Y/n: What?! I didn't break it.

Mikey: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Y/n: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Mikey: Suspicious.

Y/n: No, it's not!

Raph: If it matters, probably not, but April was the last one to use it.

April: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Raph: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

April: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Raph!

Leo: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, person A.

Splinter: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Raph: Splinter... Donnie’s been awfully quiet.

Donnie: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Splinter, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Splinter: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Splinter:

Splinter: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

'Can I copy the homework?'

Donnie: I can help you with it!

April: Yeah, sure.

Y/n: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Raph: lol nope.

Mikey: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Leo: *Read 5:55pm*

Leo: bitches b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches

Leo, driving y/n and April: So how was your day?

Y/n: We almost got surprise adopted!

Leo: What?

April: We almost got kidnapped.

Leo: Oh, okay.

Leo: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

[urlovebot]

so 🧍I had a sudden thought abt experient bada n innocent reader where bada start trying out what kind of kinks turn on reader, but like, she does it cautiously, pet names here and there, trying out biting, risking some degradion maybe? hehe and she observe every reaction waiting for the time she can start abusing them until reader gives in🤭

this got me giggling and kicking my feet LETS GOOOOO

it really would start so cautious like she usually calls you "baby" "sweetheart"... throw a "honey" in every once in a while.

but then she starts calling you "princess" and like... its not necessarily out of character but you're like 😳 okay

your eyes dart up to hers the first time she says it and you get a little flushed so shes like! great!

now yall know i believe in corruption kink bada lee supremacy so

she thinks its so cute when she bites at your lip while you kiss

the first time she does it, its out of instinct- immediately she's like "baby- i'm so sorry. did it hurt?"

but then you were avoiding her eyes! so she grabbed your jaw a pressed a light kiss against your lips,

"did it hurt, princess?"

you look up at her, pupils dilated. you hesitantly nod but

she leans down and kisses you again, biting your lip once more.

this time you let out a small moan.

and bada just grins against your lips,

check!

she kisses down your neck, nibbling just below your ear

you grab at her hair and squeeze,

check!

now you're in the practice room.

she's just finished her joint class for "on my mama"

and you just kept staring at her through the entirety of her teaching, she was so focused.

you kinda got a little sad that she wasnt paying attention to you as much.

so when she's finishing up her choreo, she points at you and runs her hand down her hat (yall know wtf im talking about)

everyone is filing out and you're stood by the back mirror waving as people leave

finally the last student exits and bada closes the door behind them,

"how'd you like it?"

and you give her a passive "it was good."

she strides over to you, standing so close you were forced to lean your back against the mirror.

"just good?"

"it was great. i dont know what you want me to say."

bada mentally looks through her own personal kinks and- she found one!

she slots her leg between yours, grabbing your hips and pulling them towards her, effectively making you grind against her thigh.

your cheeks flush and she can see you gulp,

she leans down real close,

"my pretty girl wanted some attention, didn't she."

and you shyly nod- bada thinks youre so fucking cute like this.

she keeps her hands on your hips, moving you up and down her thigh.

"i'm so sorry baby, you want me to give you some now?"

you whimper and nod.

and thats how she eats you out on the floor of the dance studio!

check!

and her favorite one of all-

you've gotten so comfortable with her that you can ask her to have sex with you, but its still very hard.

she's got her headphones on, bobbing her head as she maps out her choreo.

her tongue pokes out every once in a while to wet her lips- she knows you're staring at her.

she specifically twirls her pencil through her fingers because she knows how much you like her hands.

so imagine her surprise when you insert yourself on her lap!

now shes the one blushing lmfao but she gathers herself!

she shifts her headphones so that one ear is uncovered-

"...yes?"

you are silent but your eyes are asking for something.

"think you can give me a couple more minutes?"

and this time you have the nerve to sigh and roll your eyes and oh-

lets test out another one!

"you're acting like a fucking brat."

bada scans your eyes for anything other than lust, but she doesn't find anything.

she continues,

"ready to slut yourself out whenever you want- you dont take into consideration anyone but yourself."

bada brings a hand to your jaw and pulls your face close to hers,

"i'm gonna teach you patience today. that okay with you, princess?"

and thats how you ended up getting edged for half an hour while bada fingered you in front of the mirror in your bedroom.

degradation... check!

edging... check!

this last one happened on accident.

you and bada finally went to a shop together and bought a strap- bada already had one but she wanted you to pick something for yourself.

she's taking you from behind, hands gripping your hips as she's rolling her own into you.

you're gripping the sheets under you, crying out so fucking loud that bada needs you to be quiet.

so she does what any sane person would do and she grabs you from the scuff of your neck, yanks you back towards her, curls her hand from the back of your neck to cover your throat and squeezes

"shut up and take it baby, take it like a good whore would."

and she didnt even mean for those words and actions to slip out

but when she sees your eyes roll to the back of your head, mouth drop open in a silent moan, drool ready to spill from the corner of your mouth-

she knows you were made for her.

anddddd scene!

[redrandomposts]

till narrowly missing ivan in every universe, either literally or figuratively, makes me giggle and cry at the same time AUUHSHSJSH if he was a regressor/reincarnator and og/alnst!till was watching his later incarnations, mans would be bald from tearing his hair out in frustration

"LOOK BACK MF LOOK BACK, YOU JUST MISSED HIM"

"THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR NTH SEXUALITY CRISIS, IVAN IS MOVING AWAY TOMORROW. MOVE IT"

and imagine his previous incarnations from other failed lifetimes watching the current lifetime with him and theyre all in the same frustrated state 😭

"can we PLEASE have one lifetime where we dont end up breaking his heart ? can we PLEASE—"

— 🌦️

HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOO

doomed lovers and tills watching it all happen, kicking and screaming

everytime an incarnation pops up in their little hell, he is kicked and beaten up and treated as a less-than-human being until the next one meets ivan. and then they're too focused watching how till (yes, that's you, a dumbass) misses every smile and glimmer of eyes and heartbreak that ivan shows.

"what the fuck?! what's he doing?! ivan is right there, don't go hitting on her - fuck! who is that idiot!"

"that idiot is you! do you remember how you made ivan your best man at your wedding?!"

"says the one had an arranged marriage with him then went to war and came home in love with a nurse!"

"all of you are idiots!"

and none of the tills know og till's backstory. most of the time he's writing songs and playing the guitar, as all of them do, but in a more extreme way. there's a little library with all the songs the tills have made, each shelf a different life. og till's is a whole bookshelf, but the ones about ivan only starts after he first appeared here.

(there's also the songs each and every ivan has made about till, for till, to till. those are treated much better than the ones the tills haphazardly throws into their respective shelves. they're encased in gold and glass, just as unattainable as ivan seems to be.)

extra reactions according to some of my aus (except it's all the bad ends and ooc??):

omegaverse

"...what the fuck?"

"WHAT'S A PHEROMONE?! ALPHA? THAT'S SO CRINGEY? WTF"

"GUYS!!! IVAN CAN BE PREGNANT-"

"-SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-"

"holy fuck"

"it was indeed a fuck"

"did you know ivan could moa-"

"fucking hell we're all tills we're all here we all know!"

"BLOOD! GET A TISSUE YOU FREAK-"

"HALF OF US HAVE NOSEBLEEDS WDYM"

"please please please till hE IS PREGNANT-"

"..."

"what the fuck."

"HE'S DEAD?"

"guys i don't ever wanna get ivan pregnant if that's what's going to happen"

android au

"...he owns ivan..?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR?? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE IVAN??"

"surely they fall in love, right?"

"don't fucking jinx it, you moron!"

"ivan's so cute... look! he's cutting the veggies into flowers!"

"hey! till! say thank you to ivan!!"

"ugh, can't he just get out the studio so i can see ivan??"

"till, can't you just be a stay at home musician?!"

"aww!! aren't those flowers in the stitching?"

"oh my god ivan hand sewed him clothes?!"

"that's not fair! ivan! you can't just give things to the idiot! or else!! ...or else."

"...you fucking jinxed it!!! ivan!!! you can't die!"

"how'd i know that they'd just shoot and never stop shooting?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??"

"i'll fucking BEAT THEM UP I SWEAR."

"??? why's he only just checked the cameras now since he got ivan?"

"...ivan's voice is so heavenly."

"..."

zombie au

"is it another boring one? haven't we already seen till and ivan have normal lives and drift apart or something else?"

"maybe this time, till will..."

"shut UP! CROW'S MOUTH, I SWEAR"

"nevermind that is nOT NORMAL FUCK"

"OH MY GOD HE IS ROTTING AND MOVING??"

"IVAN GET AWAY FROM THERE -"

"...ivan?"

"FUCK! HE DID IT AGAIN!"

"TILL YOU FUCKER GO BACK FOR HIM!!"

"...at least we still have ivan."

"...and till knows he loves ivan."

"...and they kissed."

".....oh fucking hell, why are you so happy?! ivan's basically till's dog! till doesn't deserve him!"

"well, as long as they cure ivan, they'll be together for real, right?"

"..."

"YOU FUCKING JINXED IT-"

"WHY'D THAT RANDO JUST SHOOT IVAN???

mermaid au

"oh my god he's a fish -"

"- ivan looks like a prince!"

"??? how can you be so rude to ivan!"

"why are his thoughts so weird? ivan's a human, not some pearl! he has dignity!"

"he's much better than some pearl, too."

"till knows he loves ivan, right??? surely??? with those thoughts..."

"i wanna see ivan's eyes...."

"i wanna see ivan's smile..."

"fuck! till, just speak to him god damnit!"

"oh my god!!! ivan!!!"

"??? where's his fishy parts?? ow, don't hit me-"

"...he looks so fine."

"hey! he's sixteen! you are definitely not sixteen, you fucking homewrecker!!"

"homewrecker?! i didn't cheat!!"

"you wrecked your and ivan's house life!"

"what?"

"where'd the letter come from??"

"how's there sea foam???"

"IVANNNN!"

"HE'S DEAD? JUST LIKE THAT?"

"HE DESERVED MORE YOU FUCKER-"

===

anyways im going to edit my masterlist to be better ig

[redo-rewind-if]

Hey! How would ROs who are in a relationship with MC react when they come across their versions before they were with MC? My fanfic is that MC's powers broke the time line but imagine the conversation XD

Lmao, I imagine all parties involved would be really fucking confused. Probably wondering if they had a gas leak lol.

But if they got past their initial feeling of wtf... Well, I'll put some short convos below the cut. 😉 (I used "F!" to indicate which is the future version fyi.)

--------

V: "This is... unprecedented. I would say we should avoid interaction in case the two of us meeting worsens things, but I fear it's too late for that."

F!V: "Most likely. I suppose we should consider it an opportunity. The future..." They shake their head. "I shouldn't tell you much but, (MC)... keep a close eye on them. They'll need your support more than you could ever know."

The softness in their voice must betray the depth of their feelings, given how their past iteration's eyes widen in shock.

V: "...You didn't." They say flatly, judgement heavy in their tone. "They're our employee!"

F!V: "I fear I have no idea what you're talking about." They reply, a light blush coloring their cheeks. "Moving on..."

--------

Amara: "This is so fucking weird." She says standing in what is both undeniably her living room and yet, not.

F!Amara: "I know right, I was just waking up in bed with (MC), and then, poof, here you are. So, so, weird."

Amara: Looks thoughtful for a moment, before a teasing smile brightens her face. "(MC)? Oooh? Is that where our relationship's headed? Nice. But, as much as I wanna ask more, guess we should probably focus on whatever the hell's goin' on here first, huh?"

F!Amara: "Probably. Unless..." She trails off with a conspiratorial smile.

Amara: Sighs dramatically. "Okay, fine. You've won. Go on then, tell me everything. And don't leave out a single detail."

--------

August: "Nah, no fucking way am I dealing with this right now."

F!August: "Oh come on, aren't you the least bit curious to know what happens? How things play out with—"

August: "Fine." He interrupts bluntly. "I'll bite. Not that I can see many ways you could surprise me. How'd the job with (MC) go?"

F!August: "Well, they aren't dead. That's for sure." He says with a low chuckle. "Really, I'd advise you rethink your current plans around them altogether. It won't go how you think. No, what you'll find is something much better."

August: Looking mildly perturbed. "...I really need to stop sleeping with my targets, don't I?"

[takamiyaki]

"I'll see you at home..." Hawks x Reader (FLUFFY WUFFY)

(This is my very first oneshot and I'm a bit nervous and I barely know how to use tumblr LOL

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As one can imagine, dating a Pro Hero can definitely have it's own perks and downsides. Especially when it comes to everyone's favorite winged hero.

With Hawks being so popular and busy with work, he's always coming home late which leaves the two of you with limited time together during the evenings. While you being able to work from home and Keigo barely being home gives you the luxury of shamelessly blowing up the toilet, it does get lonely ever so often.

Your days are normally just you being glued to the screen of your computer after you and Keigo have breakfast together. You wish the two of you could have breakfast together more often but with the work he does, it's only once every two or three weeks.

6:57 AM

"I have a surprise for you tonight." Keigo said with a smirk on his face. "A surprise??" Knowing Keigo, this "surprise" he's talking about is probably just him bringing back a bucket of half eaten fried chicken.

"You'll just have to wait till I get home. I have to run now but thanks for cooking babe, I love you and I'll see you at home tonight." Keigo gave you a quick peck on your forehead and your lips before he grabbed one last bite of the omelet left laying on his plate.

"I love you too. It better not be another "new" fried chicken spot. That fried stuff is so unhealthy for you bird brain! You better come back in one piece." You said, in between his quick kisses. Before you knew it, he was out the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:24PM

You just finished wrapping up a project with your teammates on Zoom. Around this time is when you're getting ready to shower and it's also when you shoot your normal 'Are you safe?' 'When are you coming home baby?' texts to Hawks.

After taking a much needed "everything" shower, you packed up some dinner for Keigo and left it in the kitchen with a note that said 'Don't burn down the apartment trying to reheat this' . It was very rare for Keigo to come back on time for dinner so this part of your night wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Just as you got settled down into bed, the door to your apartment swung open.

'That's weird? It can't be him, it's only 8PM???'

You get out of bed with nothing but a fucking metal water bottle to use for your defense in the off chance that this was a villain targeting people that Hawks holds dear to his heart.

As you crept around the corner, your heart was pounding out of your chest. Only the bad could fill your mind with horrible thoughts 'What if it's a villain?' 'Why couldn't he just install the cameras when I asked him to?' 'Wtf is a water bottle going to do against whatever quirk this criminal has?' Before your negative thoughts could fully consume you, you were met with his familiar and comforting voice.

"Heyo!- Oh, how'd you know I would be thirsty? haha" Keigo said, while clearly mocking you. A sigh of relief left your system.

"Jesus! You scared me babe. I thought you were some rando!!! What are you doing home so early honey?" You scolded him while embracing him into a much needed hug.

"Well, I did tell you that I'd have a surprise waiting for you tonight, so surprise!! It's me." ( You can just imagine that stupid smirk he has on his face when he said this )

"You scared the shit out of me, is this why you didn't respond to my messages?"

"I wanted to mess with you a bit so that the surprise could be at it's peak. Sorry for scaring you baby."

Still holding onto Keigo, you started to smell something. Almost a mixture of a musty chicken shop. Without realizing it, you started sniffing your man. With no surprise to you, the smell was coming from HIM.

"Honey, I love you so much and I'm really happy that you're home early but maybe you should hit the showe- WHY IS THERE ANOTHER BAG OF FRIED CHICKEN WITH YOU??!"

"Surprise?..." He responded to you in such a pathetic tone. "Do I really smell that bad??" He took a whiff of himself then he met your eyes, trying to hold back tears from the smell of his sweat from throughout the day.

"Go shower so we can finally go to bed together." You gave him a peck on his cheek before he walked away dramatically acting like a hurt bird.

After Keigo finished his shower, he eagerly began to disturb your peace. I guess him seeing you so comfy in bed while watching a movie was too good for him to pass up. Just like a dog, he excitedly jumped onto you and started rolling around while messing up the sheets.

"Ugh, I need to do this more. I keep taking my bed for granted, it smells so good in here."

He rolled over and settled his head right onto your chest while looking up to you to see if you were getting annoyed with him yet. Not giving into what he wants, you smiled at him and gave him a few kisses on his forehead while combing through his semi wet hair with your hand.

"I missed you so much today my love, how about we get a cat? You're always leaving me alone at home and it'd be nice to add a new addition to our family."

Keigo got all pouty, clearly feeling bad about him being so busy. You understood why he was busy and he knew it too. He appreciated how you never pestered him about the way he balances his time for you. He loved how independent you are but part of him wishes that you could just relax and fall back on him but with his occupation, it makes things much more difficult.

"A cat?? I'll get you whatever you want but a cat? Let's put a pin in this conversation and just cuddle up. I missed you too honey."

He's clearly disgusted with the idea of getting a cat but I guess it probably has something to do with him being a bird brain. I'll definitely win him over tomorrow.

You started to drift off to sleep and Keigo noticed. He sent his feathers to turn off the TV and shut the door and lights.

"I love you so much honey, but I don't know about getting a kitty." He whispered to you as he brushed your hair out of your face.

"Goodnight, I love you" With one last peck on your forehead, he tucked you into bed and he got some much needed rest next to your snoring body.

[aelove]

𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐮𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

PAIRING: niki x gn!reader GENRE: fluff, best friends to lovers au, accidental confession, fake texts but written lol SUMMARY: niki accidentally finds out about your crush on him because of your questionable taste in music WARNINGS: slight cursing, niki and yn having horrible sleep schedules, ap lang hw, jungwon is your brother, niki uses baby as a petname, niki likes to tease yn, kind of weird formatting MASTERLIST | NAVI

dance machine 🤖

bro u ok ? [12:53 AM] 

you 

niki wtf why are u still up  didn’t you have rehearsals till 11 go to sleep b4 i tell ur mom [12:54 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

u didnt answer ☝️ [12:54 AM] 

you 

yeah im fine why r u asking  [12:55 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

is that what you tell your therapist?ur definitely psycho [12:56 AM] 

you 

ouch that kinda hurt ngl 😔 what brought that on tho? [12:56 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

be fr rn no sane person listens to skechers for 2 hrs straight [12:57 AM] 

you 

wait wtf are u stalking me how'd u know?? [12:57 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

LMAO ur spotify friend activity [12:57 AM] 

you

what is that ?? [12:57 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

it shows all the songs u listen to [12:58 AM] 

you

and you kept watching it for 2 hrs ... wow stalker much atp just admit ur obsessed with me [12:58 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

hmm yn 🤔 what do you think jungwon would say if i told him abt ur taste in music [12:58 AM] 

you

NIKI YOU BETTER NOT he doesn't need any more teasing material ... [12:59 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

i wouldn't blame him u r always embarrassing yourself... [12:59 AM]

you

anyways why are u still up 😒 isn’t it past ur bedtime u big baby [12:59 AM] 

dance machine 🤖

im doing ap lang hw 🤮 haha u must rlly want me to tell jungwon …  [1:00 AM]

you

shut up . . . istg if u tell my brother 🙂 🔪 also did u forget that u have practice at 5 am in 4 hrs [1:01 AM]

dance machine 🤖

yeah ik i'm not that dumb 🙄 not sure mr.kim cares abt my sleep schedule … omg yn [1:01 AM]

you

??? huh what is it niki istg if ur setting me up for a dn joke [1:02 AM]

 dance machine 🤖

yk u love them 😏 just give me a sec … i’ll send u a pic [1:02 AM]

you

ok lol uhh should i be worried? [1:03 AM]

dance machine 🤖

ur so down bad for me LMAO [1:03 AM]

[picture sent] so u love me huh? 😏 [1:03 AM]

you

wow i think apple music just got a new customer lol u weren't supposed to see that ... haha i think it's past my bedtime i'm gonna go to sleep now [1:07 AM]

dance machine 🤖

istg ur so shy sometimes 🙄 [1:07 AM]

you

why wouldn't i be shy?? u literally just found out that i have a crush on u . . . [1:08 AM]

dance machine 🤖

ur so stupid yn i like you too dummy i've liked you for the longest time even during ur toxic army phase 🤧 [1:08 AM]

you

never took you for the sappy type [1:09 AM]

dance machine 🤖

bby just shut up and go to sleep let's talk in the morning, ok? [1:10 AM]

you

bby ... it's technically morning rn when r u gonna go to sleep [1:10 AM]

dance machine 🤖

do u always need to have the last word? 😐 dw ill go to sleep in a few more minutes im almost done with the hw [1:11 AM]

you

ok, but u better go to sleep soon ☹️ ily gn niki <3 [1:11 AM]

dance machine 🤖

love you too ig ill see u in my dreams bby [1:12 AM]

★ permanent taglist: @gfksn ; send an ask to be added