#wtf fun facts

[psipaka]

V2 and Mirage on a date..? (I JUST REALLY LOVE HOW YOU DRAW THEM I NEED MORE SORRY,,)

Why is it now a running gag that V2 smokes in my drawings

Anyway here you go dear anon

[parkersbliss]

if you’re willing to, how about 141 reacting to you saying “no one will hear you scream”? i know they’d all play the biggest uno reverse card, especially gaz because he just has such a sweet face you wouldn’t expect it.

I am always willing to!!! anon thank you for blessing me with this. you're so right like don't threaten the military men who are masters of stealth, now that's asking for trouble...

pairing: task force 141 (ghost, gaz, price, soap) x reader 

warnings: um, gaz threatening you? actually, all of them threatening you bc you threaten them

a/n: see me personally I would not mess with this. and certainly not price.

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

requests open for tf141!

SEE TIKTOK HERE

—

Gaz:

It was easy to convince Kyle to come out here. In fact, he didn’t even think twice when you asked to go out on a hike. He had grabbed a light jacket, laced up his boots, and was out the door. He was an outdoorsman, after all, and any time he could spend with you was well spent. You weren’t going to hear an argument out of his pretty mouth. 

It’s nicer this time of the year. Not too hot and not too cold with the leaves changing into the sunset colors. Honestly, you were glad you had come out here, even if it was because you had other intentions than some fresh air. 

You were lagging behind Kyle, his hand flexing and calling for yours. You jog to grab his when you notice, swinging them as you approach a viewpoint. 

You can overlook the area below you, coming up on a small cliff that showcases the changing leaves and sun. There’s a slight breeze that ruffles your hair, making the tips of your ears a little cold. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Kyle breathes, taking in the view. 

You nod, gazing out at the leaves tumbling in the wind. Then, with a practiced ease, you say: “No one would hear you scream out here.”

Kyle steps back from the edge, whipping around to look at you. “What?”

“What?” You ask dumbly. 

“Don’t “what” me.” He points a finger at you. “I heard that shit.”

You step toward him, feeling guilty when you see his face. “Kyky-” you call. 

“Nope!” He grabs something from his pocket, pointing it at you.

You put your hands on your hips, scoffing and stepping back. “You brought a taser?”

“And I’m not afraid to use it.” He continues to point the weapon at you as you take steps back. You were messing with your boyfriend, but your boyfriend was not messing with you. 

“Babe, it was a joke!” You protest. 

He narrows his eyes. “Oh, not so funny now, huh? No one could hear you scream.” 

“Kyle!” You hiss at that, his point made.“Please put the taser away.”

“Please don’t threaten me,” he retorts, but relents and slips the taser back into his pocket. 

“Why do you even have that?”

Kyle shrugs. “You never know. As you just proved.” 

“Oh my god,” You said, walking back over to him tentatively. Once you’re close enough, he grabs your waist pulling you to his side. “Don’t ever say that shit again,” he whispers. 

You glance at the taser in his pocket. “Lesson learned.” 

Kyle smiles, kissing your cheek. “Ice cream?” 

Ghost:

You take a deep breath, letting the crisp autumn air fill your lungs. It’s cold, cutting through the skin of your throat, yet at the same time it’s comforting. It’s much better than the humidity-laced air of summer at least. Where each breath you took felt like you inhaled oven air. 

Simon glances over at you, cocking his head to silently ask what you were doing. 

“Just taking in the air,” You said. “’s nice.” 

He hums an agreement, walking along the stream you two were hiking. A few birds were chirping, leaves crunching under your boots, and the sound of water running over rocks. It’s a quiet you’re not used to from being in the military. That still doesn’t stop the idea from forming in your head. 

“No one would hear you scream out here,” You muse, falling in step beside Simon. You say it casually, not looking at him. You act as if you had just asked where he wanted to get dinner tonight. 

Simon, of course, is aware of everything. He stops walking, turning to you at an agonizingly slow pace. “Excuse me?”

You shake your head. “Nothing.” And continue along the trail. 

He doesn’t follow you. You can tell when his footsteps aren’t echoing yours, a little slower and more steady. Instead, they fall silent on deaf ears. You can’t hear anything and the hair on the back of your neck stands up at the sudden stillness of the forest. 

“Simon?” You call, turning to face him. And of course, he’s gone. You curse under your breath, spinning around to find him. You walk back to where he was, checking around the trees and the bushes. You shouldn’t threaten a lieutenant, the master of infiltration nonetheless. You peek around another tree, trying to get a view of him when a hand grabs your shoulder. You scream, throwing the hand off your shoulder and raising your fists. You come face to face with your boyfriend and drop your hands. 

Simon stares at you, a deadpan look on his face with arms crossed. “What was that about no one hearing me or, should I say you scream?” 

You swat at him. “It was a joke.”

“Damn right, it was. You think you could take me?” He begins walking again, offering his hand to you. He was a true gentleman even after he pulled that stunt. You really needed to learn to keep your eyes on him. 

You lace your fingers together, sighing. “No.” 

Simon is content with the answer, placing a soft kiss on your temple. “Let’s finish this hike without any other threats, hm, sweetheart?"

“It was a joke.” 

“Mine wasn’t.” 

“Simon—!” 

Soap:

Johnny took convincing to go out for a walk. He was more inclined to spend his days on the couch, relaxing next to you. Not some boring “walk for fresh air.” He would argue he’d already gone on plenty of walks while deployed. 

You dragged him out anyway, saying it’ll be good for him to do one without worrying about being shot at. 

So here you are, on a quiet trail in your local park, pointing at the various colored leaves and their unique shapes. 

“This is stupid,” Johnny said, kicking at a pinecone on the ground and sending it flying. 

You roll your eyes, squeezing his hand, which was intertwined with yours in his jacket pocket. “You could humor me a bit.” 

“What good would that do?” 

You huff. “I actually quite like it out here.” 

“‘m sure you do, love.” 

You tap your chin with your free hand. An idea forming in your head to spice things up a bit. Or at least raise the stakes for your walk. “Like, no one would hear you scream out here, you know?” A mischievous grin curls on your lips as you look at Johnny with innocence. 

“What?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed. He knew what you said, just hadn’t quite processed the implications yet. 

“I said, we can go get ice cream. As a peace offering.” 

Johnny removes his hand from yours, taking a step back. “I don’t think so.” 

“You don’t want ice cream?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m actually tired. Thinking we should head back now.” 

You jut your bottom lip out, enjoying the slight panic on his face. “Already?”

He spins on his heels. “Yep! Right now. Let’s go. Back in public. With people.” He urges, walking away from you at a brisk pace. 

You laugh to yourself, jogging after him. He glances at you over his shoulder, clearly paranoid and you feel a little bad about it. His pace quickens and within seconds, he’s out of your line of sight and you sigh. Damn him. 

You exit the trail, and back into the regular park, squinting your eyes to spot your boyfriend. You can’t find him anyway, which is weird because his mohawk makes him unmissable. 

A hand taps your shoulder and you jump. 

“Oh, relax,” Johnny said, holding out an ice cream cone for you. “We’re out of the woods now. Everyone would hear you scream here.” 

You take the ice cream from him, glaring at him and his smug look as he remixes your words against you. “Not funny.”

“Now imagine how I felt. Except I wouldn’t really have a problem if people heard.” 

“We’re going home.” 

Johnny laughs madly, throwing an arm around your shoulder. “That’s all I wanted.” 

Price:

You stand at the end of your hike, overlooking the view beneath you. The cliff dips into a valley, scattered with red and orange trees, the telltale sign of the approaching cold. The sun sits high in the sky, blessing you with a little warmth as the clouds drift through the breeze. 

Price stands next to you, hands on his hips like a proud dad after completing the hike. He pushes his sunglasses to sit on his forehead, taking a deep breath. 

“We should do this more often,” he said.

“We should,” you agree, watching a pair of hawks circle and dive. “It’s so peaceful out here.” 

“So quiet,” Price added. 

You hum. “No one would hear you scream.” 

You knew the risk of saying something like that to your boyfriend, but you couldn’t help it. A little challenge for him. 

Price doesn’t hesitate, he takes a step back from you, putting considerable distance between the two of you. His eyes scan the trees, the valley below, the space behind you — he’s clearly checking for any threats. 

You take a step toward him and he holds up his hand. “No. Empty your pockets.”

“What?” You asked with a laugh. 

“You wanna say shit like that? Empty your pockets,” He said again. 

You stare at him, and you can see the serious look on his face. Within the minute you had uttered that sentence, you already regretted it. Leave it to John Price to take everything so seriously. Even when it was his girlfriend who could never hurt him. You sigh, dropping your phone, wallet, keys, tissues, and everything else. You stare at him. “Happy?” 

“Hands up.” 

“John!” 

“Not hearing you out, darling.”

You begrudgingly raise your hands as he steps towards you, patting you down and inspecting the things you’ve dropped. “It was a joke.” 

“Am I laughing?” His hands come to rest on your shoulders, squeezing them slightly. “Believe me, darling. You wouldn’t be able to scream before I drop you.” 

You spin around to face him, a shocked look on your face. He had gotten you there. Price wouldn’t be stupid enough to let you make any noise. 

“It was a joke,” He mocks you, a sly grin on his face. 

You purse your lips, grabbing your things off the ground. “Point made.” Price grabs the rest of your belongings, handing them to you with that sweet smile of his. 

“C’mon, let’s hike back down. We can go to your favorite sandwich place.” He places a hand on your back, leading you off the cliff.

“As long as you don’t slip poison into it.” 

“No promises.” 

-- END --

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🏷 taglist: @trxpslxt @looking1016 @the-kakawshi-bird @Bitchyzombietaco

[your-local-narc]

Did someone say teenage mutant ninja turtles

[sysig]

You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.

Starring Role (Patreon)

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

september 2, 2021 1:00 a.m. grant's mind

🎵 did you learn to dream in the morning? abandon dreams in the afternoon? wait without a hope in the evening? did you stand there in the traces and let them feed you lies? did you trail along behind them wearing blinkers on your eyes? did you kiss the foot that kicked you? did you thank them for their scorn? did you ask for their forgiveness for the act of being born? 🎵

[starscream-is-my-wife]

The last autobot and the autobot who's always destined to die

[glitter-stained]

Hear me out: RHATO but all the main characters are in character and the elements of plot that are out of their control happen to them and they react in character however any time the pull of their actual personality and abilities drags them away from the bare bones of the plot outline, Scott Lobdell in a bad alfred pennyworth disguise arrives with a shotgun and forces them to follow the narrative with eldritch writer ex machina magic. Eventually the characters unionize to rebel against him and everyone explodes. The story ends with an image of a RHATO comics with a burning crater in the middle and a hand picking it up as a mysterious voice says "I wonder how this will affect the sales."

My rendition of Lobdell in Pennyworth disguise:

[wolfiesmoon]

HELLOOOO!!!

I like, just read your work, and I SUPER DUPER LOVE IT!!!!

(very slay)

So like, I'm so happy you're doing requests!

Could I do a request for a jealous Lilia Vanrouge? No problem if you don't do it fast, or even don't do it! No stress or pressure!

hahahah hiiiiiii!

idk why but i absolutely love ur vibes!! u seem so silly (very fitting for a lilia kisser)

i actually had a bit of trouble thinking about a plot for this, i don't see Lilia as the type to get seriously jealous (atleast not the current lilia, still in blissful ignorance abt book 7) so i made it a different, more silly type of jealous in the end

"Ahehehe, he's so pretty..." you smiled at your phone, sat on Lilia's bed at the moment. After coming to Twisted Wonderland and obtaining a phone, you realised that you have a whole new world to explore. A whole new world of otome games.

Recently, you've been obsessed with this one guy in one of the otome games you're playing. He's just perfect, and that's all that is to it.

On the other hand, your good friend Lilia has been feeling a strange sense of unsatisfaction whenever you talk about that fictional crush of yours.

He invited you over to his room with the intent to converse with you deep into the night but you're just rolling around on his bed and freaking out over a fictional character instead of gazing at him with interest as he talks about one of his travels.

Not that he blames you for getting so worked up over video games, no no. He himself finds a lot of enjoyement in playing them. They have an appeal, and he gets it. Though he hasn't experienced an otome game for himself yet.

But he still thinks that it is quite rude you are not talking to him right now. Not to mention the strange feeling that boils inside him when you giggle at your phone for the umpteenth time.

He'll have to gain your attention in the way he knows best.

He soundlessly climbs up on the bed behind you, making sure you didn't notice him before grabbing your shoulders from behind and playfully yelling "Boo!"

"Ack! Lilia!" You yelp, turning back to see Lilia laughing heartily at your reaction.

"Hahahaha, that was quite the reaction!" He seemed very pleased with himself.

"What was that for?" You furrowed your brows, pouting at him.

"Well, I invited you to my room so we can enjoy eachother's company, is all." A subtle invitation to start a conversation. His eyes travelled to your phone screen for a moment and he saw the fictional guy you're freaking out about.

Hm... he could probably do better. Atleast in his humble opinion.

"In a minute, in a minute... just gotta finish this chapter." You turned back to your phone with excitement shining in your eyes. Excitement that wasn't directed at him.

Oh, he sees how it is. He'll just have to win you back the hard way.

He casts a spell on your phone, making it float out of your hands. You tried to reach above you to catch it but it just kept floating higher and higher, just out of your reach.

"Lilia! Stop that!" You knew it was him doing it, mainly because he was laughing joyously, watching you jump around on the bed, trying to catch it.

"Oh, but I'm enjoying myself very much right now. Is it so wrong of me to have a bit of fun?" He smiled at you mischeviously. There was a glint of something you can't quite place shining behind his eyes.

"You seem oddly worked up." You comment, giving up on the phone for now and plopping back down on the bed.

"Whatever do you mean..?" Lilia acted innocent. While you were inspecting his face to find any suspicious expressions, he used magic to poof your phone away. There. Now there's no more distractions.

"Wait... my phone! What did you do to it?!" You realised it's gone a tad too late, head whipping around the room to try and find it.

"Kehehe, don't worry. I put it somewhere safe." Lilia assured you. Now you can focus all your attention on the one who's right in front of you, on him.

"O...kay? Why are you smirking evilly at me?" you were now especially suspicious of him.

He moved next to you on the bed, wrapping his right arm around you. He seemed awfully delighted when you looked at him in the eyes.

"Now, we can talk for hours. I have lots of things I want to find out about you." he punctuated the 'you' with a playful poke to your forehead.

"O...Oh, all right. What do you want to talk about?" you were still kind of processing the entire situation, but you were glad Lilia was in a talkative mood. Conversations with him are always enjoyable, even if you didn't get to finish that chapter you were really looking forward to.

"There, now I have you. I'll make it worth your time." he seemed very satisfied at the return of your interested gaze on him. Now he just has to make sure it stays on him for good.

[whatsfourteenupto]

Doctor Who has its technobabble, Hamlet and Macbeth are infamous for their wild lines, he’s played a Marvel villain and a literal serial killer, but if you really want to hear David Tennant saying some fuckin unhinged shit, I’m telling you, it’s Duck Tales.

[benoits-neckerchieves]

Just found out there’s an island called Inaccessible Island that’s almost completely surrounded by cliffs, and one of the cliffs is called Where-the-Pig-Fell-Off, because humans can’t live there so they tried to fill the island with pigs and they all died. Oh, and the only way to get there is to travel for 7 days in a boat from Cape Town with permission from the government. There’s also an extinct volcano :)

[veggieharumaki]

even the iron still fears the rot

[clementine-thedestroyer]

Back to watching YouTube videos on ships and now I’m thinking about Simon Riley working on an off shore oil rig…

He comes home for his 2 weeks off the rig and the first day back is just dedicated to fucking you as deep into the mattress as he possibly can.

You physically can not pull him off of you. Like those TikTok’s you see of a girl laying in bed and she lifts the collar of her sweater and there’s a whole ass man under there mooching off of her body heat.

Like that, but hornier and grumpier.

[agried]

"aira! i-" "you need to go! right now!"

(the queen of the wilis spares no mercy.)

YIPPEE it's done. i can now stop tearing out my hair over it (joking) i've never painted before so this was uhh. a challenge! but i really really like the ballet giselle so i wanted to capture at least a bit of the ethereal quality that it gives off... and i thought using painting brushes would help with that. eugh big mistake i had to redo all my colors in the middle of drawing and it was a whole thing but oh well.

thank you @kittysquire for enabling me, i kept randomly talking about the au out of the blue with friends but barely worked on it, so your very excited reaction spurred me to actually draw more for it!

(as an aside... i wonder if anyone can guess who i put in the place of the wilis queen...? hehe)

[bootleg-nessie]

List of Extremely Cursed Knowledge

Having autism and ADHD is a blessing and a curse because on one hand, I’m basically a walking encyclopedia of random facts and information. On the other hand, a fair amount of that information is so fucked up that it’s not socially acceptable to share it with anyone. So naturally, I took every fucked up fact, every bit of twisted trivia, every bit of cursed knowledge that I could come up with off the top of my head and compiled it into one big list to post on the internet. Some of this information may permanently ruin your (you, the reader) perception of certain things. None of this information should have ever seen the light of day, and a fair amount of it was never, ever meant to be known by humans.

You cannot unlearn anything on this list. This is your chance to scroll past.

You have been warned.

\/ \/ \/

According to FDA standards, a jar of peanut butter is allowed to have up to seven (7) rat hairs before it’s considered unfit for human consumption. If it has 7 or less rat hairs it will still be sold in stores.

If I just ruined peanut butter for you, don’t google the FDA regulations on any other foods you enjoy.

Human teeth have 36 calories each.

The average human body has roughly 125,000 calories. This is actually relatively low, which makes cannibalism in humans generally unsustainable.

Human meat tastes like pork.

Penguins have been observed practicing necrophilia.

Dolphin vaginas secrete a substance that acts like an aphrodisiac on steroids. When scientists swabbed some of it on a chimpanzee’s penis, it masturbated so furiously that it had a heart attack and died.

Dolphins have been known to intentionally commit suicide if kept in poor conditions.

Scientists that work with cockroaches often become allergic due to exposure. Simultaneously, they also develop an allergy to chocolate and pre-ground coffee. Make of that what you will.

Dolphins have been observed masturbating using decapitated fish heads.

Dolphins have been observed getting high on pufferfish venom recreationally, sometimes even passing a pufferfish around like a joint.

There’s a LOT of rape across the entire animal kingdom. Like, a LOT. It’s especially prevalent in dolphins, otters, ducks, penguins, and primates, to name a few.

On a related note, female ducks have corkscrew shaped vaginas. Male ducks also have corkscrew shaped penises that measure in at a whopping eighteen inches.

The barnacle has the largest penis to body size ratio in the animal kingdom, with its penis being up to eight times as long as its body.

Chimpanzees have been observed using frogs as a fleshlight.

A disembodied human head weighs about 10-12 lbs and is balanced in such a way that requires you to use both hands to pick up.

Pigs will eat every single part of a corpse - including bones. In 2012 a farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs after having a heart attack and falling in their enclosure. This also makes pig pens a prime spot for dumping bodies.

A body will decompose faster if you fill the rectal cavity with yogurt before burying it

When burying a body, make sure to bury it in a heavily wooded area. If vegetation is too sparse and/or the body isn’t buried deep enough, it will be easily noticeable after a few months because plants will grow in much thicker directly above where the body was buried.

You cannot bury a body in sand, as sand is too porous. The smell will seep through and give away the location

The entire universe could theoretically exist as a false vacuum and collapse into nothingness at any moment without warning.

Any alien civilization advanced enough to detect life on earth is also probably advanced enough to destroy our entire planet almost immediately. At the peak of interstellar technology, the only limiting factor is the speed of light. If they decided to attack, we probably wouldn’t even know it was coming until the entire surface of the planet was already vaporized.

It takes three and a half rotations to fully detach a human head from its body.

Recently deceased bodies can experience rigor erectus, which translates to “death boner.” This is especially common in victims of hanging, as it’s primarily caused by trauma to the cerebellum or spinal cord.

There is an extremely real chance that you have unknowingly purchased a product that was made by modern day slaves at least once in your life. Coffee, cotton, fish, clothes, shoes, and technology are among the most vulnerable industries.

A decapitated head remains conscious for several seconds after separated from the body.

The entire koala population across Australia is currently undergoing a major chlamydia epidemic. It’s actually been extremely devastating for them and they’re currently facing the threat of extinction because of it.

[xmagicalpotatox]

genuinely unable to choose which one I’m gonna be SICK!! /silly

Noir @desultory-novice

Rope MF @mint-termsandconditions

The Poll

@kirbyoctournament

Timelapse Under Read More (FLASHING LIGHTS!)

(Song: Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai)

… (if it plays)

[hyakunana]

I was yesterday years old when I realized I've been coloring my Exo wrong all this time — but instead of updating in game, I'm retconning my art