#wtf am i doing shut up me
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Lost#2
Why is it that whenever I get a follower notification on tumblr it's always some sort of pornbot ? Every time I get a follower notification I assume it's someone who genuinely likes my stuff but where it gets suspicious is where it's a multitude of them following me back to back and the profile is always a girl is a risqué pose or some shit !?!
I feel less inclined to look at my notifications on tumblr this way when the only people that seem to follow me are people who want to spread their asscheeks to the camera... nothing wrong with anyone who wants to do that kind of hustle& no judgement... but it really pisses me off is when I have to check the profile to block and see all THAT by accident!!
On other note I'm still possibly depressed and irritated as usual what else is new. I feel as though my existence is nothing more than a blimp on the road. There's no one here to comfort me no one here to tell me I'm going to be alright. I don't think I'll ever be a good enough ... good enough person, daughter, student, friend, artist.
Anyway tumblr has a serious pornbot problem and should be taken more seriously and raised more awareness about by the platform itself.
(I shouldn't be surprised I guess especially of this site has been dead to people for awhile now)
#mini rant#my rants#diary#diary entry#my dumb posts#tumblrpost#tumblr problems#pornbot infestation#pornbot invasion#tumblr is so weird#tumblr issues#self deprecating humor#wtf am i doing shut up me#im not ok rn#im not making sense#im sorry
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bioware really said "let's release it on halloween... it's so terrible... it's gonna scare the shit out of everyone...the perfect halloween"
#oh da2 zevran face scares the shit out of you? hold my bear... wait till you see how returning characters look like in da4#here get spooked by the most amateurish writing and childish dialogue and disappointing story conclusions and lack of choice import#da critical#my post#my posts#holy shit I watched all the endings and I watched all the romances etc. ... damn the writing is bad#i am not surprised they hyped this up by showing the first 15 minutes because that seemed bad exposition dump but the rest is worse...#wtf were they thinking the story should be the selling point of these games and the role play ... not the fucking action#your choices don't matter...certainly not in the past..and even in the present...all choices essentially lead to the same ending with solas#AND that fucking retcon in the end that everything was actually influenced by big evil bad WTF shut up... this game is not canon to me#wtf are the laser pew-pew shooting sounds by the way lmao during the finale#and wtf do you mean we couldn't import the well of sorrows choice but it still comes up and essentially it's 1 of the 2 options canonised#halloween#2024#october 31#31st of october#current events#da mine#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age 4#da4
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like, logically I am aware that honeysuckle is invasive in my area and that I should be glad it doesn’t grow in my backyard, But. on the other hand. tasty nectar treat :(
#lindsey shut up#ignore me I just spent an hour yanking up wild blackberry canes#and while I do like blackberries they gotta gtfo#i found fucking. Oregon Grape growing in the brush back there#and that’s also not native. but you see.#there were TWO Oregon Grapes. a big one and a little baby one right next to it.#and im not a monster. wtf am I going to uproot a mommy plant right in front of her baby plant???#so I guess we just have Oregon Grapes now (annoyed)#(they don’t even taste good)#i can’t get this butterfly weed to sprout for the fucking life of me#but by god I can grow shitty grapes that don’t even taste good#Oregon Grape 🤝 muscadines 🤝 being shity grapes I don’t like but can’t stop growing#these tags got out of hand. sorry
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i do think. just in general that it's rude to leave comments on artwork of an au saying something like "oh lol this doesn't actually fit right bc of this detail" I do think that's rude. like maybe don't fucking do that. it makes you look like a dick
#I am vaguing. remember months ago where I made that post#talking about how someone left a comment in a reblog on that art gloomy drew for me of mike as link#and I complained bc they said something about it not working or whatever bc link is a silent protag and mike doesn't shut up?#yeah I saw them do it again on another piece. dude wtf#and I hate that complaint for 2 reasons one bc it's sorta untrue like at least post calamity link is definitely communicating with people#in SOME WAY. AND he's sassy about it#but also even if it's unequivocally true it's just a rude thing to say on people's artwork I think#that's for your own damn post about “oh haha loz au is funny bc of this” like. idk that's not meant to reblog on someone's art#I'm kinda pissed like I was pissed both times it's not even my art lol
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not me blearily waking up at 5:30am almost in tears bc I had a dream that Ian had apparently been making more little OK KO shorts on the side and the utter joy I was feeling as dream!me was scrambling to find & watch them only to wake up before I could........ :((((
#there were 5 of them out already apparently#the most recent one had a Ray focus to it so big shocker that that's the one that caught my attention#and dream!me was like ''oh so THAT'S why ppl have been spam-liking all my Ray posts recently!! makes sense 👌''#I actually got to se like a little ending clip for that one where like. he was wearing this stupid cloak & outfit—#—kinda looked a little Shadowy Figure-esque actually??—but apparently he was like. secretly doing hero work on the side or smth??#and then at the end he had this convo with Darrell back at the factory where he monologued about how dabbling in hero work--#--made the villainy they do feel all the sweeter or smth like that & he was all dreamy-eyed pensive staring up at the sky#and Darrell was??? drinking imaginary tea/coffee from an imaginary cup which you could tell bc he had his pinkie up#and then when Ray finished his monologue Darrell just gave him this most unimpressed smirk & dumped out his imaginary cup over the balcony#like pour-one-out style??? and then that was the end of the short 😂😂#and so dream!me was pissing her pants bc HERO RAYMOND REAL AFTER ALL??¿????#and there were some other like screenshots/gifs I stumbled across on my way to find the actual shorts themselves#(Ian apparently had a whole lil youtube channel he was posting them to lol which I only found right before I woke up)#but the only one I can remember now was Elodie doing a Big YellTM towards KO about something 😂😂#broooo there are genuine tears being wiped from my eyes rn wtf is thissssss 🤣🤣 I have work soon I need my SLEEP#but I had to document this bc it was just. so Visceral & now I am so so so soooo bummed that it wasn't actually real TwT#I think my brain & heart have gotten too inspired by how some of my other Big Fave interests have been getting sequels/remasters lately#so now my soul is Once Again I Am Yearning For Justice For OK KO.meme TTwTT#anyways. god it's taken me an entire half hour to blearily tap this out on my phone. time to squeeze another half hour of snooze before work#OK KO#shut up Wisp
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superficial internet culture is so lame bc "being an angel" isnt about only having a pretty doll face and a thin body, it is about having a considerate mind and a gentle heart and walk the earth with care and love...
#most girls who call themselves angels have rotten insides and cold dead hearts 💀#which is fine#if they werent also constantly so cruel and vile abt bullying 'ugly' girls lmao#you're not an 'angel' if u look down on other women who are ugly....... 😐#i mean ofc u can discuss all the different views on angels and biblical accuracy etc blah blah#i mean this isnt that deep skskksks#i just ... dont like seeing so many pretty girls being like#'omg why do so many ugly fkn bitches call themselves angels they arent even pretty wtf'#... girl your insides both look and smell like vomit and your heart is judgemental and cruel you arent an angel either 💀#but like we all know that pretty girls can say or do whatever they want it'll always be ok bc they're pretty to look at#and that's the only worth women have 🩷#oh youre an angel only bc you're conventionally pretty... but you're rude and stuck up#and look down on others constantly and you have ZERO connection with nature and animals...#doesnt sound very angel to me#more like an empty hollow doll.... so just be a doll and shut up... ok just kidding thats mean 😞#and if i sound bitter and jealous it's bc i am!! ofc i'd kill to be pretty lmao! everything is better when you have a pretty face 😭
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As much as I love playing embrace Dark Urge runs (discussion in therapy pending), there's something so narratively satisfying about how a Resist Durge playthrough can go once you get to the Bhaal Temple. Your character steps into the ring with Orin, it's intended to be a duel, but odds are you're getting eviscerated pretty quickly. You then switch to one of your other characters in your party and throw an attack, effectively breaking the duel and setting the whole temple upon you.
(Adding a cut because this ended up being longer than I thought)
But, I think it's a very satisfying way to play. Your party members have grown fond of your Durge, seeing them as a friend, a family member, even a lover. They've watched you and your pain over your Urge and what it makes you do or want to do. Maybe you've slipped up once or twice, but you've been trying so hard to be the hero they know you can be, that Faerûn needs. So, when it comes time to finally face your demons and you're getting so horribly hurt in the process, they can't help but rush to your defense. It'll put all of them in danger, but it doesn't matter because they want and need to help you, their ally and companion.
Bonus points if you select your character's romanced companion as the savior/duel interruptor to make it extra delicious. They've fallen in love with you, stayed with you when your Urge craved their blood the most, maybe by this point in the game you've helped put their demons down as well. They see you in pain, a final valiant effort to overcome your Urge against the power of Orin, a whole cult, a god of murder himself. They want to protect you, save you as you saved them.
I'm also fond of the extra beauty of Astarion being your Resist Durge romance since it puts the two of you in very similar situations. Fighting against the will of your masters, finally defeating your demons with your newfound companions' help and being offered the greatest power you could ever fathom... only to deny it, ignore power in favor of your party and your love.
This isn't even mentioning just how goddamn good the Withers resurrecting you cutscene is. This skeleton in your camp with unknown and unfathomable power (also apparently supposed to be Jergal himself if I've done my research properly?) is able to bring you back to life, free of your Urge. The line along the lines of "Bhaal could only destroy what of you that he knew, but because you've grown past your Urge and become your own person, he couldn't destroy that new growth" is just so weirdly powerful narratively. Tav may be a default character for you to create upon making a new save file, but Durge is the canon protagonist and I think that entire scene shows it the best. It's a beautiful secondary climax of the narrative (primary being battling the Netherbrain of course).
And, perhaps it's just an oversight on Larian's part or something that'd be a bit difficult to work into the cutscenes mechanically, but I think that it could only get more impactful if your companions could comfort each other during these moments. Everyone and their mother wishes you could hug Astarion after he kills Cazador, but also imagine your romanced companion cradling your body after Bhaal kills you. It seems just a little odd that they all (meaning your party) kinda just stand around staring at your corpse, especially with how close y'all have gotten.
Idk, I have a lot of thoughts about this section of the game in this particular type of playthrough and some of them are hard to articulate into words. It's just such a damn good narrative peak and can really make you feel things.
I've completed I think two resist Durge runs and just hit this point on my third and it really stuck out to me this time (then again my new antidepressants are kinda fucking with me so that might be playing a role). I left it as my last mission before dealing with the Netherbrain and I think it helped build the anticipation of that moment. Everyone else has been helped by you, and now it's your turn to come into your own. I really felt so connected to my character walking into the temple, feeling like everything has been building to this, that regardless of what happens our suffering will finally end. And you have your party there to help you in your time of greatest need as you've done for them.
There's a reason this game was Game of the Year, the narrative is just so powerful and the replay-ability is just insane. I've beaten this game ten times, heading for my eleventh and it truly just never gets old and never fails to make me feel so many things so strongly.
#we're gonna bypass how i have the withers big naturals mod installed#because it kinda undercuts the moment when withers comes in to resurrect you and he has these massive honkers#i'm a big fan of embrace durges since it's a great way for me to let loose without real world consequence#(my anticipation for patch 7 grows daily of course)#and it's also just fun to be your worst self and create the fucking legion of doom with your party#you'll never beat the sheer power of an evil durge/ascended astarion/dark justiciar shadowheart/minthara team up#I AM FULLY AWARE I AM SINNING WHEN I ASCEND ASTARION AND IT PAINS ME EVERY TIME BUT I LIKE EVIL NARRATIVES SUE ME#but a resist durge run makes me feel so many more things#helping shadowheart with her family helping astarion learn to be his best self free from cazador lifting the shadow curse among other things#plus everything I mentioned in the main post#and then the final crescendo of the score at the end of the epilogue party cutscene is a HUGE chills moment#although i will always be mad that in order to keep gale from ascending you have to make him seek forgiveness from mystra#she should be apologizing to him wtf no wonder i accidentally ascended him so many times him#gale telling her to shove it just MAKES MORE SENSE and is the healthier thing to do but it gets you his fucking bad ending wth#okay i suppose him blowing himself up is his bad ending but whatever#apparently him exploding the netherbrain can get you the win for honor mode and as someone who can't even get through balanced mode#you bet your sweeeeeet ass i'm not above sending gale to blow himself up to avoid a run ending fight if i got that far#honor mode is not about getting the ending you want it's just about completeing it and dude there's no way in hell i'll get close otherwise#i'll shut up now#fishgills speaks#fishgills plays bg3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#the dark urge#bg3 durge
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me vs that one wip that im actually quite sure i'll be adding to until the day i die
#unfortunately it will never be finished ever#i thought id almost finished it the other day but. apparently not#can someone talk to me about it im literally begging#blah blah!#do i tag this as it#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#i wil#pulling your face close#teehee#wtf am i saying Teehee nobody gaf girl shut up#sorry id rather humble myself ebfore anybody else gets the chance
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#ok dude if my boss tries asking me one more time if im pregnant im gonna start throwing hands#i should have thrown hands the first goddamn time#i called in sick ONE day bc i had a terrible cold and she somehow took that as i must be not feeling well bc im pregnant????#ive never talked about having kids i dont want kids i am not pregnant and its NONE OF HER BUSINESS#shes insane#and then she asked me another day if i planned on having kids and i said no and she was like oh well theyre going to have to#let in more immigrants to make up for the kids you dont have#like?????? huh?#i said ok let em sounds great#and then she said well u better hope there will be robots to take care of u when ur older#as if her piece of shit son is gonna take care of her#and i said if the only reason to have kids is to make them take care of u when ur old then thats a terrible reason and im not doing it#she didnt like either of my answers and shut up real quick#and left it alone but then today she walks in the door and in front of the whole room asks again if im pregnant#like WHAT???? ur my boss u shouldnt be nagging me abt this shit#esp in light of. recent events#but just WTF???#im so done#rant#life with shannon#does anybody else have this fucking problem????
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watching a brutal horror movie but my neighbor has resumed stomping around in what I imagine to be shoes made of bricks so I can no longer empathize with the victim and instead im forced to imagine brutal torture carried out by yours truly
#im saying resumed bc at this point its more like there's always Thud Thud Thud with little pauses rather than the opposite#it drives me insane to an embarrassing extent#when will science discover the option to turn my goddamn hearing off this is literally the biggest dream in my life#if i was rich id fund research for this#i mean it#noise cancelling headphones my bestest friends. unforch my head is stupidly small and all headphones are slightly too big which is great for#when you're already in an irrationally pissy mood#justice for peanut sized brain people when .#misophonia representation. thats what i provide to this community#funfact about me is thinking about how sounds make me aggressive makes me think about my father which makes me more aggressive#bc he's the type of person to say “oh IM SO SORRY SHOULD I SHUT UP SHOULD I STOP BREATHING SHOULD I FUCKING KILL MYSELF HUH”#if you say like. anything to him. anything at all#this is why i love internet guilt tripping trends btw bc my automatic response is like yeah please do kill yourself thanks#wtf am i talking about rn. i forgot what the post is about. as usual. welcome to my diary
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I don't usually do this, but I am feeling very violent and like a growly lemur recently. I hate making posts regarding one person, but this one fuckass bitch I hate on this goddamn website... lord have mercy GIVE ME STRENGTH.
Some bitchass loser on Tumblr that usually goes by the name of "Tarm" or something stupid like that keeps commenting on my post about misanthropy.
You literally got banned on your other sorry ass account for posting hardcore gore porn, and get a new one, yet STILL comment on my post about misanthropy from months ago.
Blocked that troglodyte. They think telling people to kill themselves is also cool, by the way. No mental illness excuses your sicko behavior, dimwit.
#I AM FEELING SO VIOLENT RECENTLY#LIKE WTF IS EVERYONE'S PROBLEM LATELY#IS SOMETHING IN THE FUCKING WATER???#Already sick of weirdos in my comment sections#If you don't like my post then about about telling me to shut up#you block me instead like your bio begs everyone else to do to you so you don't keep getting banned pussy#God I hate this person so much. You're not funny#you aren't cute#and you try too hard to be edgy.
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when ppl realise im not drawing taemin furry ironically or for a joke or anything and i actually like it..... 😐
#99.txt#i mean i can have a sense of humor abt it to a point but#ppl are still SO weird about furries... whats not clicking. its cool animal#& even when ppl like the art.. so many of them have to be like#''ummm 😂 what ?? op what is this hahahaha wtf. ummm okaaayyy 😂'' like shut up !!!!!#its literally cool animal ????? like ???#i think ppl should be able to do weird shit in peace but also WHY ARE FURRIES EVEN SEEN AS WEIRD ??? ITS ANIMAL ???? ITS SO BASIC TO ME#ok sorry just like. yeag#im not really that involved in furry community but i AM still a furry so it just bugs me the weird attitude some ppl have
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i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that
also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand
#also i dont think i. just got a sense of dejavu wtf. anyways#i dont think im THAT bad at maintaining my hygiene..... like i dont bed rot for months which isn't good by any means#but if i havent reached that point of bad hygieneness then i dont think i should be talking about this topic#sure i may uhhh may struggle to brush my teeth and shower multiple times a week but like. ngl it's not that bad#i am NORMAL okay THIS IS NORMAL. people struggle with this stuff all the time everyday i dont need to be making a whole post on this topic#i wish that the capital i in this app looked different. because when i wanna emphasize I it just looks normal#i type like how i speak has it not become glaringly obvious yet. so it boggles and bothers me when i cant emphasize i like i can irl#the laundry piles in dusts room are probably unfathomably tall he just throws it all into one corner (HES JUST LIKE ME FR!!! I DO TJIS!!!!!)#all the water in horrortale has turned toxic and polluted and bad so horror's only option is to not shower or shower in dirty water#he chooses the former because what if that water has monster dust sprinkled in it. his paranoia wont let him shower in dust infused water#TRIGLYCERCULE GET YOUR FUCKING LIFE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF THINKING AND PROJECTING ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS.#I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY.... IM SORRY OKAY I KNOW!!! I KNOW THIS IS BAD!!! I WILL TRY!!!!!!#anyways back to projecting. do you think dust has sheets on his little matress bed#because the sheets will enevitably get dusty and then he's gonna have to lay on the dust of those he killed and thats a bad thought#sheets can fix the problem temporarily because he can just change them out and wash them#but also.... changing sheet hard.... take long time..... dust just want sleep.... rot away..... so no sheet on matress??? idk#dust might be able to make fun of horror and killer for having food issues but#killer gets to make fun of dust and horror for having hygiene issues#he's had his lows but he's never gotten THAT low 🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 LOSERS!!!!!#what does horror get to make fun of them for??? idk murder#killer might be able to keep himself clean but he cannot keep anything else around him clean with thet goddamn eye goop so HAH take that#me on my way to overshare with strangers on the internet. this isnt that bad compared to other stuff ive seen online actually#triglycercule can you just shut the fuck up and get back to posting about the mtt nobody CARES#alright..... limps away like a kicked and beated puppy...... like killer after getting abused by nightmare for the 56th time..........#advanced humor only utmv fans will get it#tricule rant#i said i wasnt gonna make the post but i did infact make the post. just in tags#me when i LIE#just offically reached 50 drafts where my medal. i should clear them out? alright shoot that guy
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i've been at my brothers house for less than an hour and a half and i'm already worried about and planning scripts for like six different hypothetical situations. also he tried to stop me from saving a cricket he was trying to step on like a little bitch. what did she ever do to you
#and then he was condescending about it like “not all animals are good” i have an animal science degree shut the fuck up buddy 😭#i'm not saying it's healthy but in order to survive here i am obliged to do a lot of overthinking and planning what i will say or else#there's a reason i haven't been down here since 2020 lmao#also it's so fucking loud wtf i forgot how having actual neighbors sucks#anyway sorry for the Posting (but not really because this is my house) it will continue#me
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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shoutout to my girl eno’s nightmare bc. Hi! What and/or Who the fuck was that ! its gonna haunt her and i for awhile !
#my art#its a shitpost batman#Pirate Campaign#Enososin Folook#rea rambles in the tags#OK SO LIKE IT KINDA TOLD ME WHAT/WHO IT WAS BUT IT ALSO DIDNT? YKNOW? LIKE—#it started off with normal dream stuff and then devolving into fear/nightmare stuff and ‘wtf is this who are you why are you in my house’#but then the whole argument shifted when the thing posing as Rollo— bc it WAS an outside force— said “i am his rage i am his guilt’’ etc.#and i could FUCKING FEEL ENO IN MY HEAD RELAX SO GODDAMN FAST. STILL ANXIOUS BUT JUST. ‘Oh. Is that all?’#‘Well what i’m about to do is still incredibly stupid but i feel much better about how it will go now’#AND IT WORKED. WONDER OF WONDERS. AND THEN FUCKING AFTER THAT WHEN I WAS HUGGING THEM.#the ‘creature’ for lack of better terms EXPLICITLY said “of course you are one who can calm my rage— you who was raised by the one#whom i love the most’’ and HI. HELLO. THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS I COULD TAKE THIS SENTENCE ENTITY-OF-INDETERMINATE-EVERYTHING.#ROLLO. DAD MAN. BELOVED GOLIATH WHOM I TRUST WITH MY LIFE AND THAT SCARES ME.#I HAVE QUESTIONS. SEVERAL ACTUALLY. WILL WE EVER ASK THEM? PROBABLY NOT!!!!!!!!#BUT IM *SO* CURIOUS. WAIT A MINUTE. WHO *ARE* YOU??????????#final shoutout to the fact that both times I have tried/thought about casting a vaguely aggressive spell. to someone who was#threatening me/eno. it has not *worked!!* and I have had to use my THINK THONKING BRAIN AND DO A STUPID MOVE!!!!!#aka roleplay and use way too much compassion. *I WONDER WHY SHE'S SO INSISTENT THAT IT'LL WORK STRANGE ENTITY I CALMED BY HUGGING*#they were also INCREDIBLY insistent that I don’t die. Peacefully/trying to help someone that is. Full of rage like a supernova ?#only acceptable way to go apparently /lh /very aff (<- already attached to this strange person I DONT KNOW)#ok ok im done /jov#shut UP rea#rea's trash
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