#wrote this little thing today because I needed it out of my system

[chaosfairy18]

Drinking with everyone was always an experience, mostly due to the fact that so many different characters met together to drink enough to have all their inhibitions fly out the window. Pie Eater was one of the few who had sworn to stay sober and make sure the others even found their way home - though some had already disappeared somewhere with one of the others or some stranger so he would only be worried if they didn't say anything until the next evening.

It was still nice, talking to the others, seeing Itey sleep peacefully on Snitch's shoulder after only some glasses, Jack flirting with David to hell and back and even Blink and Skittery almost starting fights with some idiots on the dance floor. Pie just stayed with the calmer ones, quietly talking to Snitch for the most part, but he did perk up when Snoddy sat on the next table over, hugging Jack and then David. "I love you guys soooo much, always s' nice ta get out."

They did something similar with Swifty, Dutchy and Mush, before almost tripping and sitting next to Snitch and Itey, very quietly proclaiming her love for her friends and patting Itey's hair. "S'rsly, I loooove all our fr'nds soooo much." They went to grab another cocktail from the table when Pie stopped them.

"Maybe that's enough, Snoddy."

She just pouted but let her hand fall. "Meanie."

Pie knew that wasn't meant seriously, but he did worry a bit about Snoddy's state, thinking he should really bring her home already. "Let's get you out of here and home, hm?" He pulled Snoddy up, making them giggle and throw their arms around his neck, almost falling on him.

Even with Snoddy being very affectionate, they made it out to the fresh air, both breathing it in a few times before moving again.

"Pie?", Snoddy started. "I really love you, you know?" They looked right into his eyes, grey eyes looking hazy still, but shining prettily in the lights of the streetlamps.

"I know. You told everyone else too."

That didn't seem to make her happy. "Bu' I need ya to knowwww. 's important." Snoddy always got so affectionate and happy when tipsy, but this really was especially much for her.

"I know. Love you too, Elle."

They smiled a bit but still pulled him closer. "M happy 'bout tha', but don' mean it like that. I really love you."

Pie stopped, looking at Snoddy's flushed face, freckles standing out even more like that. She couldn't mean... or did she?

In any case, that wasn't something to discuss tonight, that was something for when they were sober and could talk about this properly. "Let's talk about that tomorrow. My place?"

Snoddy smiled with their whole face. "Mhm! 'lways love your cakes. Wan' it for breakfast."

Pie Eater just hummed, opening the passanger side of his car and getting Snoddy in, surprised when they held onto his neck for a second longer and gave him a kiss on the cheek, just smiling before cuddling into her jacket.

Taking a few deep breaths, he got into his car, driving to his apartment, once patting Snoddy's hair when she held her head near the gear shift and looked at him pleadingly during a stop at a red light. All in all it was far too cute for his heart, but it wasn't like the worst was already over, he still had to convince Snoddy to sleep alone in the bed, knowing how much of a cuddler they were but not wanting to betray their trust while they hadn't talked about the maybe confession from before.

He only got it done by wrapping Snoddy up in two blankets in which they were too comfortable to move much and then sneaking out, lying on the couch and really wondering what was going to come of this tomorrow.

[grison-in-space]

I'm sorry? Pigeons have to coo to ovulate?

okay, okay, I left this one out in the tags without elaborating the other day and you were not the only person who asked-- @nanavn and @corvus--caurinus were also curious. I did not have a ton of time yesterday when my brain was not leaking out my ears, so here I am today.

First, I apparently misremembered my grad school teachings: the best-documented case study of doves being required to hear their own coo in order to ovulate is that of the ring or Barbary dove (Streptopelia risoria), not the rock dove which gave rise to our domestic pigeons (Columba livia). They look like this:

They're the domestic doves you see sometimes that aren't domestic pigeons.

But yes, I was completely serious: hens need to very specifically hear their own nest coo to ovulate. The way it works is this: these doves have a very specific courtship pattern, where courting males at different stages of the nesting process perform first a "bow" coo, then a nest coo. Then the hen makes a nest coo back, and the pair goes on to build a nest together in which the hen will lay fertile eggs.

If you prevent the hen from producing this coo--and the first paper I've linked does this in several different ways with both neural lesions and also mechanical blocks of the synrinx--she will not ovulate. Then Dr. Cheng tried rescuing the effect for doves who could hear but not produce their own coos by playing back recordings of devocalized doves' own nest coos, recordings of other hen's nest coos, recordings of male nest coos (their own males, I think, for preference?) and no recordings at all. Hen nest coo recordings, especially the recordings of the hens themselves, were enough to rescue ovulation effect... but deafened hens who could, themselves produce nest coos weren't able to make ovulation happen half the time even when the male was right there. The male nest coo and his mating display is really important, because his coo stimulates the female to make her nest coo, and that's where ovulation starts.

In 2003, a little over a decade later, Dr. Cheng wrote a whole book chapter about auditory self-stimulation as a phenomenon in neuroendocrine shifts. It makes for pretty interesting reading! I'm going to really enjoy it this afternoon. Stimulated ovulation is actually a pretty common phenomenon in animals--often it makes more sense to only bother ovulating if you know there's a partner around to use whatever eggs you yield up--but this one is one of the most interesting and elaborate systems out there, and definitely the one that offers the most options to a given female dove to potentially consciously control her reproductive output.

But grison, you might ask, what about the doves outside my window? Is this just a function of this one dove species, or are lots of doves doing this to make ovulation happen? So I went looking to find out whether anyone has checked. The thing is that the heyday of pigeon behavioral research has faded somewhat in the intervening decades since Dr. Cheng's discovery, so there's not as much as I might hope where people sat down to investigate the question. I did, however, find a neat study on Columba livia demonstrating that auditory stimulation is more important to courtship displays and success than visual displays are, although of course the multisensory courtship is stronger than either sensory modality alone. So yeah, the cooing back and forth really loudly is part of a display that is functionally necessary for successfully producing offspring, and the auditory component is important for basically every pigeon that has been studied in this respect (albeit that number is pitifully small).

I also found this really interesting review of known uses of birdsong to set internal emotional states in birds (either for the self or for a partner or flockmates) that I want to look into with more detail, plus this really thoughtful review from Dr. Donna Maney talking about how "incentive salience" can use learning and experience to make certain cues bring up neuroendocrine changes in state over time, which helps individuals control how their endocrine system is reacting to stimuli in the world they've been shaped by. Clearly I have some reading to do...

[xenteaart]

when you're feeling weak, i'll be the words if you can't speak

pairing: chan x reader (i wrote it with idol!chan or producer!chan in mind, but it can fit any au, really) genre/warnings: er, angst, hurt/comfort, implied suffering w depression and anxiety. reader is feeling off and insecure. also kinda going almost non verbal author's note: a short lil songfic ig coz it's inspired by Isak Danielson – I Can't Lose You. basically channie being a comfort boyfie material

to put it simply, you were never not anxious or insecure. but stepping into the big adult life, you sort of learned to conceal it well, even from your own self. the fake it till you make it thing, and you could even say you've "made it" with a small exception of the days where your brain and your entire nervous system randomly circled back to your default settings. "so what are you gonna eat, baby?" chan asks with a cheerful soft tone, glancing over the menu and then back at you.

today's a good day. you haven't been too overwhelmed with work, nothing out of the ordinary happened. so naturally, a pinch of guilt somewhere deep in your guts makes you feel like a bother to be around, and today — for no good reason.

"are you okay?" he notices your slightly spaced out gaze when you're trying to read the menu but not really reading, more like frowning and getting nervous.

"yeah.. no. no, i don't know," you murmur barely audibly, losing your focus for the tenth time in a span of the last five minutes. brain fog takes over, making your vision blurrier than normal and your thinking all floaty and hazy. as if you're looking at the world through dirty lenses, but also the lights are too bright and your surroundings are loud.

"i dunno, i just..." can't even speak for myself today and choose a meal and say it out loud because suddenly everything is embarrassing and difficult.

chris looks slightly worried because you might be in pain or feeling unwell, but nothing hurts except your pride. because you're a big girl, you have been for years, and now you want to cry on the spot because you can't choose between pasta and soup all of a sudden. it makes you feel even more stupid.

"can you please choose and order for me today? my brain just can't," you try to explain, visibly stressed and overwhelmed by a simple mundane task, "i want somethin' warm and filling," you specify to make it easier for chan.

he doesn't make a big deal out of it, just nods and meets you with a gentle 'course, baby. he then talks to the waiter and makes sure they don't ask you anything which feels like a relief. sometimes it's nice to feel invisible, especially in a vulnerable state.

after the horrifying deed is over with, chris leans in a little closer to be able to speak in a softer, quieter voice.

"d'you wanna just have dinner in silence and head home?" he asks while massaging your palm with his fingers soothingly, so calm and nonchalant as if you didn't just obsess over the smallest thing to the point of making yourself filled with shame and insecurity.

that's how chris always does it. by showing you that whatever it is that's bothering you is not a burden to him. he's got you. it's okay if you want or rather need him to do something for you. he's happy to be your strong shoulder to lean onto and not think about a single thing while he takes care of whatever it is at the time.

"yeah. or you can tell me about your day and stuff. i wanna know and i'm okay with listening. just not... responding, maybe?" you give him an awkward smile as he nods understandingly and plants a little kiss on the back of your hand. a modern gentleman and a caring lover.

somewhere in the middle of a story about how cubase was lagging and almost crashed mid producing session today, the waiter brings your meals. it's two pumpkin cream soups, some grilled and seasoned breads and a fresh greek salad to share.

oh, to be loved like this.

your stomach growls at the smell of food, and a bright proud smile is instantly painted over chan's features.

[garciaasfluffypen]

take care of me (like i take care of you) pt. 2

pairing: jemily x adhd!reader word count: 2.3k warnings: reader’s kinda bratty in this one! reader is confused as to why being bratty is making them feel tingly but they like it so they keep doing it, softdom!jj begins to make an appearance, color system usage, the origin of jj refusing to be called mommy (she has a moment™️)

a/n: hi besties!! i wrote this on my phone because i can’t find my laptop charger so please excuse any sort of typos you find! thats also why the beginning of this post currently isn’t formatted like the other ones but soon as i can charge my laptop i��ll be fixing it. there will be a part three to this! i had to find a good place to end or else this would have been a beast to read lol.

ps. when i wrote this i was 100% imagining white tank top!jj and emily in the burgundy lululemon looking sweatshirt from the episode where they’re building the crib for kristy and matt ;)

you couldn’t contain your excitement as you basically tripped over your feet to run up to jj’s audi, jumping up and down in your seat as you waited for your girlfriends to join you. it was five minutes past nine and everyone was ready so naturally you ran to the car. you had been ready for two hours, but that was only because you had gotten up so early. you had everything you could possibly need in your little cross shoulder body bag and had to stop yourself from biting your fingernails to the quip in pure excitement as you waited. emily came out first, slipping you your preferred chewy necklace that was easy to hide under your shirt. as soon as the chewy end of it entered your mouth, emily’s hands reached around you and wrapped the black string around your neck. without realizing it you naturally leaned into her touch, pulling her hand toward your cheek as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt while you stared at the door leading inside the kitchen. jj came out a few minutes later, her to-go cup of coffee tucked neatly away in the crook of her arm as she started to pull up the directions to the zoo.

jj slid into the drivers seat with ease, smiling at you as she saw the way you were sitting. she grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze before placing your phone in it, chuckling lightly at the layer of blush that ended up on your cheeks as you sheepishly took it from her. your block blast game was still up on the screen as you left it on the bathroom counter when you started doing your makeup. jj started the car and reversed out the driveway, leaving you to become reimmersed in your game. before you knew it you could just start see the sign for the zoo on the water tower peeking over the houses in the distance, meaning you were just about ten minutes away.

“lovey, besides seeing the giraffes, is there anything you want to do today?”

“um… i haven’t seen the elephants in a long time.” you paused, thinking. “and also the lions, i want to see the lions too.”

“do you think we could fit in a visit to the lemurs?” jj shot a glance to you. “i quite like lemurs.”

you nodded. “we can definitely see the lemurs.”

you made a mental note to yourself that jj liked lemurs, adding it to the little box that you had in your brain with facts about your girlfriends. it was mainly filled with silly little facts that most people wouldn’t normally pay attention to, like the fact emily writes in print script or that jj only eats salt and vinegar chips when she’s high. sure, there were the obvious facts that almost everyone on the team knew, but there were ones that were just your facts. and you wanted to keep them that way.

despite being a fully grown adult, you knew deep down that things like this were needed to help heal your inner child. you didn’t have the best childhood, but you were doing your best to fix it now. you bounced anxiously on the balls of your feet as you waited for the train to take you to the back of the zoo, the wind blowing your hair all around your face as you waited. jj silently pulled you toward her and helped you pull your hair back, putting it in a single braid for you.

by the time you got to the giraffe exhibit you could barely contain your excitement, your hands balling into fits and promptly unballing themselves as you tried to combat the need to stim. your arms stiffened as you tried to hold back your energy, shaking a bit as you focused on staying still as you could. that didn’t last long, seeing as there wasn’t many people around you at the moment and your girlfriends were positioned behind you. you let your hands start flapping, doing your best to keep them close to your sides as possible. a small squeak of noise came out of your mouth as you watched the zoo keepers slowly bring out the stars of the event. the crowd around you started to grow as the people made their way up from the front of the zoo, most of them not paying you any attention and instead looking for the little baby that the zoo was celebrating.

slowly but surely the calf made it's way out of the enclosure, still a little unsteady on it's feet. you watched in awe as it made it's way around the exhibit, noting how small it was compared to it's parents. jj wrapped her arms around you from behind, intertwining her fingers with your hands and placing a kiss on your shoulder. you could tell she was standing on her tip toes to reach your shoulder and made sure to flatten your feet, considering you tended to stay on your tip toes when you got too excited about things.

“how tall do you think he is?”

“i’d guesstimate around 6 feet.” you rocked up and back down to flat feet as you spoke. “giraffes give birth standing up so they fall roughly six feet to the ground but get up on their feet within the hour.”

“you know more about giraffes than i thought.”

“i had a hyperfixation on wild animals and the care of them before i ended up in the academy. i was wanting to double major in zoology and communications before i started to look into paths to go down with a communications degree.” you turned to face jj and emily. “i was going to be an advocate for animal rights but then i started reading about the fbi and decided that would probably be a better path to go down.”

before you could continue your thoughts, the chime that sounded before the giraffe feedings sounded, signaling for everyone who had a ticket to line up. you were closer to the end, whch was fine because it meant you could watch the giraffes for longer. emily and jj made sure to take pictures of you the whole time, smiling and laughing along with you as the giraffe’s tongue tickled your hand while it ate the leaves you held out. by the time you got out of the exhibit, your stomach started to rumble and you pouted towards your girlfriends as you walked past one of the many cafés scattered around the zoo. without a word, emily pulled the three of you inside, telling you to order whatever you wanted. you ended up going for the chicken tenders and fries, knowing that the meal was something you most likely would have gotten when you came as a child. it was hard to remember if you ever came, but you presumed it was what you got because it felt right.

by the time the three of you made it to the halfway point, you started to realize your whole body was beginning to hurt. you weren’t sure if it was from physically stopping yourself from stimming in the bigger crowds, or if it was from all the walking you had done. either way, you found yourself starting to slow down a bit and start to feel like you needed a ten hour nap. it was only when you got toward the lemur exhibit when your body really started to hurt, and you unintentionally started to let it slip into your mind that you were hurting and needed to go home.

jj was the first to notice that you were starting to feel off, clocking the heaviness of your walking and the fact you had started to get a little whiney. there had been approximately three times in the five years she had known you that she had ever seen you this way. and all of those times happened when you were over exerting yourself. most of the times it was because you were stubborn, but this time it didn’t seem that way. within ten minutes you were complaining about how much your feet hurt and how you felt like you were going to die if you didn’t get to sit down within the next five minutes. emily and jj fell a few steps behind you, whispering to each other about how to go about the situation.

“do you think she’s subconsciously wanting us to.. i dunno, take control? lacey mentioned something about that at the support group on saturday.”

jj chewed at the end of her necklace. “it's possible. i’m willing to try it if you are, but the second they push back or show any signs of not going along with it i’m stopping.”

“are you going to take the lead on this?”

“if you don’t mind. we know how easily they’ll react to you, i’m curious what would happen if you didn’t say anything but i did.”

“then do it. i trust you.”

jj squeezed emily’s hand before making her way back over to where you sat on the bench, watching the zebra walk by and graze on the grass in front of you. you definitely looked worse for wear, considering the braid your hair had been in all day was beginning to come undone and you most definitely got sunburned on your shoulders at some point. jj knew you weren’t feeling well, and that you were hiding it in order to appease her and emily. it was something she had noticed multiple times throughout their time with you so far. even if you didn’t feel like doing something, you typically would put on a happy face and go through with it anyway. it hadn’t happened much, but she had started to catch it more and more.

“y/n, it’s time to go.”

“what? no!” you gasped. “we haven’t even been to the polar bears yet!”

“i know, and i know you want to finish it but i’m calling it.” jj stepped closer to you, her voice dropping. “you’re tired and need to go home and rest. i’m giving you til the count of five, and if you don’t get up and come with us to the car we won’t go to dolphin beach this weekend.”

“you wouldn’t!”

“five.”

“jayje- this isn’t fair! em-my, do something!” you whined, staring at the brunette.

“two.” jj raised an eyebrow as you refused to budge. “fine, we stay, but no beach then.”

“i’d listen to her if i were you.” emily replied. “while we haven’t truly gotten into that dynamic with you just yet, i will say that i’d be careful how much you go against her, lovey.” emily gave you a pointed look before clasping her hands together. “that being said, we use the color system. red means hard stop, yellow means i’m uncomfortable and green means go.” emily paused. “color?”

“green.”

“good. if anything changes, tell jj. i’m going to go to the ladies room, i’ll meet you up by the gates.”

emily placed a kiss on jj’s cheek and simply patted you on the shoulder before walking towards the front of the zoo, leaving you alone with the blonde. the logical part of your brain knew she was right. you were tired, your body was aching and you couldn’t walk for more than five minutes without having to sit down. but on the other hand, you were having fun poking the bear. reluctantly you got up, huffing and making a big deal of going home. you didn’t understand much about the way it was making you feel, but you knew it sent a tingle through your body seeing jj getting all worked up. it was amusing to you how red she got from you simply being a brat. and frankly, you liked it.

“you’re being unfair!”

“this attitude stops now, y/n. we’re going home.”

you bit your tongue cheekily, a glint forming in your eyes as you waited to see jj’s reaction. “mommy, you’re being mean to me.”

jj whipped her head to you, balling her hand into a fist at the side of her body. “what did you just call me?”

“… mommy?”

jj stopped walking suddenly, causing you to bump into her. “red.” she swallowed. “i’d like to talk about that later, when we’re home. not right now.”

“i’m sorry.” you looked at the ground, mortified. “it won’t happen again.”

a wave of guilt overtook your body as you two quietly walked to the front of the zoo, emily sensed some tension the second she saw you two, but knew that if she said anything you would probably start to spiral. by the time you got back to the car, all you could do was slip into the backseat and hope that jj wasn’t do mad at you that she was going to end everything. emily, albeit confused, took the front seat, trying to get an accurate read on jj. something happened while she was in the bathroom, but she couldn’t place a finger on what exactly that something was. by the time jj pulled into the driveway, the tension in the car had gotten so thick you couldn’t hold your tears back, letting them fall slowly down your cheeks as you forced yourself not to sob.

“go to our room. i’m going to compose my thoughts, give us a minute to calm down, then i’ll come talk to you.”

“o-okay.”

jj waited until you got out of the car to look at emily. “i called red.”

“what happened?”

“she called me mommy. i didn’t like it. i felt… gross. it was almost… too feminine?” jj looked at emily. “i probably sound crazy but-“

“you’re allowed to not like the way it makes you feel, jay.”

“i just don’t understand why it made my skin crawl.”

“may i.. is that why you don’t like being called beautiful or pretty?”

jj’s head snapped up. “huh?”

“the feminine terms. you don’t like them.”

“not necessarily, no.”

emily nodded. “we don’t have to unravel this now, but we need to put a pin in this. the three of us need to talk about that together so we’re all on the same page.”

“you’re right. can you go check on them? i just need… i need to think about how i’m going to articulate everything.”

“of course.” emily squeezed jj’s hand. “come up when you’re ready.”

“i will. promise.”

taglist: @jayden-prentiss @idkwhatever580 @multifandomlesbianic @softestqueeen

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

THE MEDIATOR AND THE INSTIGATOR.

(moon system) marc spector x reader — angst

summary. you and marc have been casually dating for a while now, though he finds it hard to admit his feelings. steven fronts to comfort you after a tiny argument, and he finds it hard to contain his own feelings towards you

word count. 1290

wrote this to get me out of a writers block and did a spinning wheel to help. so here we are, enjoy the slight heartache x

With Marc, things weren't always so straightforward. Either things were dramatised and blown beyond proportion or, on the contrary, brushed under the carpet and ignored. It was tricky to find a plain levelling road between you.

You've been seeing each other casually for the last several months, and it was still so hard to pull a genuine emotional response from Marc. Just something to let you know he felt the same way as you, just something to let you know you were both going in the same direction.

He kept his feelings behind a stoic wall, never wanting to allow someone the opportunity to jump it. Although sometimes, he would show small snippets of his feelings towards you - doing something cute and instantly brushing it off with a casual, throwaway comment: a singular flower on your pillow in the morning or your favourite snack stocked in the cupboards, for him to then say he doesn't know how it got there.

It's little things like these that you desperately clung to, tiny moments that gave you hope.

You often felt a continuous spiral of confusion revolving around your own feelings. In your heart, you knew you wanted to give things a genuine go with Marc, but that lingering thought remained intact in the forefront of your mind. The thought that you shouldn't have to convince someone to be with you - that you should never have to force someone to want you.

You had stayed over Marc's last night, and you woke this morning to an empty bed and a flower resting on your phone atop the nightstand. You smile at the singular red rose and sit up, placing your hand on Marc's side of the mattress - feeling how warm it is. He must've been up a while because the sheets were stone cold.

Scooching across the bed, you stand and slip on your pyjama bottoms - walking out of the bedroom to locate Marc. Within a few quick moments, you find him sitting at the kitchen table - a bowl in front. He gives you a short nod, lips forming an ever-so-faint smile when you get closer.

He was distancing himself again.

"Morning," you say, walking past him. You grab a bowl from the cupboard and a spoon from the drawer and go to sit opposite him, filling your dish with the cereal on the table. "Do you want to do something today?" you ask, pouring the milk into your bowl.

"Can't. I have plans," he says, tone like that of dismissal. He stands, picking up his bowl to place it in the sink - leaving you again.

You nod, sadly smiling as you prod your spoon into the floating flakes. "What about after?" you offer, trying again.

"I'll let you know," he murmurs, barely looking over his shoulder, heading for the bedroom.

You sigh, feeling frustrated. Moments like these undid all the progress between you. Everything you worked so hard towards - gone. You no longer felt like eating your breakfast, and as the seconds passed, you stayed there at the empty table, staring at the pieces of cereal growing soggy.

You hear scuffling from the other room, presumably from Marc getting ready for the day - you hear muffled talking, though no words are cohesive enough for you to pick up on. You sit there, silently debating what to do. One part was begging to barge into the room and force him into talking. The other part had the urge to get up and leave.

You decide partially on the latter and stand from your seat at the table, walking across his apartment and into his bedroom. You knock firmly at the ajar door, peering your head through the gap.

"I need to get my clothes. Can I come in?" you ask, tone pointed.

He hums faintly, the floorboards creaking under his weight as he moves to pull on the handle - letting you in.

Keeping your eyes away from his direction, you walk around his bed and collect your things - throwing everything in your overnight bag.

"Where are you going?" Marc questions, halting in his placement by the dresser.

"Home," you reply shortly, continuing to pack your belongings. You undress and put on what you wore last night when you came over - throwing your sweats back on.

"Why?" he asks, voice far more gentle than those moments before in the kitchen.

You ignore his questioning and shove on your shoes. But Marc is quick to notice your attempts to leave, so he moves to stand in front of the bedroom door - blocking it.

Your head cocks to the side as you sigh, unamused by his sudden care. You step forward, hoping that he'll take the hint and step aside, though he doesn't.

"Why?" he repeats, his tone just as desperate - maybe even more so.

"I don't feel welcome here, I just want to go home," you reply honestly, gesturing for him to move. "We'll talk about it another day, just not now."

"Let's talk about it now," he prompts, eyes soft as he focuses on you. It was clear he didn't want you leaving him, especially right now.

"You never want to talk about anything."

"I want to now."

"What? When I'm trying to leave? That's when you care?"

He stills, his expression firming. Unknowingly you hit a sore spot. "Yeah, go on, then. Leave. Everyone else does, anyway," he sneers, moving from the door - walking to stand in his previous spot in front of the dresser.

You pause, taken aback by his comment. Does he not know how hard you've tried with him? How patient you have been?

"What's that supposed to mean?" you ask turning to face him, voice firm and frustrated.

He's focused on the mirror ahead, looking at himself - muttering things to the other person in the reflection.

You linger in your spot, waiting for Marc to say something. Though he never does.

"Alright?" he greets - the face is the same, but the accent is not.

"Steven?" you question, your tone far softer now.

He hums, taking a seat at the edge of the bed, patting beside him. You follow suit, sitting next to him - hand beside his.

"He's trying," Steven says, speaking like the mediator. "He just finds it... hard."

You nod. You understood, you understood it all. You knew of his past, and why he is the way he is - and that's why you were always so patient with him. It wasn't his fault. It's just how he is, the way he grew up. You were just hoping that by now, he'd be comfortable enough to let you in the same way you did him. If there is no trust, how ever can it work?

"I just wish..." you pause, twisting around to face Steven. "I wish he was honest with me— you are," you pick up his hand, holding it in yours. "You're honest."

He sighs faintly with a soft shake of the head, retracting his hand from your hold. "Give him a chance— just one more, yeah?"

You awkwardly place your hands on your lap, moving them away from Steven.

"Marc loves you, you know. He really does," he says, voice gentle, his face wounded. He diverts from your gaze, turning away to look at the mirror. "He just can't admit it to himself."

You follow his eyeline, trying to see what he sees, but he's quick to turn back around - his gaze now locked on you beside him. He's quiet as he places his palm over your knee, the warmth and touch familiar like all those times before - it's Marc.

"I'm ready to talk now."

never wrote them together before/ part of the moon system, scary shit

[threecheersforsuccess]

I've been yapping for too many years, so I need a living masterpost of the guides and blogs from my Tumblr and Instagram. I plan to create more long-form content in the upcoming months, and I will re-do some of the prompts listed. I feel some of my old work might be outdated, so please take my wording with a chunk of salt.

I'll update my with my content as I go.

Stuff from 2024

♡ What's in my bag? (2024)

My Motivation Education Video Series (2022-2023)

♡ Part 0: Something Much Needed Among Students: Motivation ♡ Part 1: Bare Bones Definition of Motivation ♡ Part 2: Self-efficacy, I think ♡ Part 3: Where is the control? ♡ Part 4: Reward or Autopilot ♡ Part 5: Determination to Continue ♡ Part 6: Personal Interest ♡ Part 7: Outside The Model ♡ Part 8: Where is the willpower? ♡ Part 9: Is stress even a bad thing? Note: I stopped because I did not like the short video format. I'm not sure if I may pick this up again, but I do think the lessons I learned from my readings are pretty neat :)

5am.Raining's Studying Challenge (2022)

Note: A challenge led by my cool mutual 5am.raining on Instagram. I slowly figure out how to make videos. It's a little wonky at the beginning, but I find my style! I made these posts in 2022 ♡ Poorly Filmed Day in My Life! ♡ My Studying Role Model... Haruhi from Ouran... ♡ Fave Leader in My Field: Carol Dweck ♡ What gets me in the mood to study? ♡ What I want to do with my degree... ♡ My Fave Reading Assignment ♡ Study Tunes ♡ How to get back into reading books ♡ Favorite study supplies ♡ Planning Routine (2022 version) ♡ Organizing My Desk ♡ What's in my backpack? ♡ Inspiring Film or Doc on My Field ♡ Imposter Syndrome ♡ "Study Buddy" ♡ Coping with Long Study Sessions

Flipd Productivity and Motivation Challenge Blogs

Note: I yapped so hard I won the productivity challenge. I wrote these around junior year of college (2021). ♡ Long-Term Destination, Short-Term Motivation: Living in The Moment ♡ Embedding Self-forgiveness in Your Self-Care ♡ Study Essentials ♡ The Importance of Play and Breaks ♡ Quote of Week Analysis: Self-Acceptance ♡ How I Plan My Everyday ♡ The Biggest Time Management Misconception I'm Trying to Get Over ♡ Recognizing Burnout (and Listening to Yourself) ♡ Building an Academic Support System ♡ Ways to Make Yourself Take Breaks ♡ The Challenges of a Positive Mindset ♡ How I Build Habits (based on James Clear's Atomic Habits)

Diana's Studying Challenge (2021)

Note: A challenge lead by my cool mutual dianas.desk on Instagram. I made these posts in 2021. Day 1: Challenge Introduction Day 2: What Gets Me Motivated Day 3: Cleaning My Desk Day 4: Study Tunes/Songs I Listen and Avoid Day 5: Current Books I'm Reading Day 6: Relaxation! Arknights Projekt Red Bullet Journal Spread Day 7: My Happy Place Day 8: Week Reflection Day 9: How I Plan Day 10: My Summer 2021 Work Routine Day 11: My Desk Essentials Day 12: Study Snack (Natto) Day 13: Digital or Paper Notes? Which is Better? Day 14: How I Self-Care Day 15: My School Bag Day 16: Proudest Achievement Day 17: Most Favorite Productivity App/Website Blocker Day 18: Work Buddies Day 19: Inspirational Quotes Day 20: My Favorite Place to Work Day 21: #MessyDesk Day 22: Guilty Pleasure Day 23: My Favorite Study Accounts Day 24: Study Methods I Do Not Like Day 25: Trying out a new place to work? Day 26: Part 2 of My Unconventional Study Tips (same as above) Day 27: My Outfit Day 28: Making a Gratitude List Day 29: My Aspirations Day 30: Today I learned… Day 31: September Goals

My Study Tips

Note: I wrote many of these either in 2020 or very early on (2017-2018). Super old stuff. ♡ Unconventional Study Tips Part 1 + Part 2 ♡ One Effective Memorization Tip ♡ Dealing with Bad Grades: What I Do ♡ How to get 800 on the SAT in Math and Full Points on Grammar ♡ Causes of Procrastination + Methods for Each ♡ How to Study When Unmotivated ♡ Making Your Discord Study Space ♡ Ways to Go to Bed Early ♡ My Super Ultimate Guide to AP Calc AB and BC ♡ Using Your Phone Productively (2018)

Journaling

♡ How I Journal (2017) ♡ How I Use My Notebooks (2018) ♡ How to Keep a Daily Journal (2020) ♡ How to Get into Creative Journaling (2022)

Dividers by @fairytopea

[hippolotamus]

Eddie’s thumb hovers over the location dropdown in the weather app, just like every day. And just like all those other days he allows himself to click it. The list unfolds as he huffs a humorless chuckle at how much it’s grown.

When he got his first cell, the only place he ever needed was current location. Technically, it’s still the only one he needs. Regardless he’s continued adding to it through the years. Hershey, Virginia Beach, a couple random towns in the Carolinas, Georgia and Florida. Fucking Sundance, Wyoming. All because he gave up pretending he doesn’t need to know.

It’s sunny, mid-50s today. A nice break for the time of year. Eddie scrolls through the upcoming week, noting a heavy snowstorm hitting in a few days. His nose wrinkles and he begins to worry his bottom lip between his teeth. Another thing born out of pure habit.

Not for the first time he types out a few messages before deleting them again. Eddie doesn’t even know if he’s got the right number. It’s been nearly three years since they exchanged anything at all. Not since Eddie could have manned up and told Shannon he could be a father, but not a husband. Not her husband, anyway.

He could have just been honest and said what he wanted when she finally decided to show up in her second trimester. He and Evan could have continued building a life together. But Eddie’s never claimed to be smart. Especially when it comes to all the bullshit his own dad drilled into his head about responsibility and honor and god knows what the fuck else. In the end it was too sticky to let go, trapping him like a spider web.

He can’t even say it was worth it because she loves him and they’re making it work for the sake of Christopher. Because why would that have happened? Instead all he got was a tour in Afghanistan, divorce papers (not that he’s surprised or blames her at all) and coming back to an empty house. Well, not totally empty. He’s got a son he’s still getting to know outside of a screen and shitty internet connection. A son he could have been raising with the love of his life this whole time.

Hope your coat’s warm enough, cowboy he types.

“Daddy!” Chris babbles from the floor, using Eddie’s pant leg to pull himself to standing. His toothy smile is on full display while he looks up at Eddie like he hung the goddamn moon and stars.

“Hey there little man.” Eddie tosses his phone to the side in favor of picking up his son and arranging him on his lap. Chris snatches up the yellow car from the next couch cushion, choosing to run it in a small loop over Eddie’s forearm, shoulder and chest. “Where are you off to today? Big race?”

Chris shakes his head vigorously. “Outer space,” he says as though that should have been obvious.

Eddie chuckles to himself. “Of course. How long until liftoff?”

There’s no answer as plastic wheels continue zooming along until Chris decides he’d rather be on the floor again. Eddie loosely assists as his son climbs back down. Some days are more difficult than others, but he tries to follow the physical therapist’s advice to let Chris do as much as he can by himself. She says it won’t do either of them any good in the long run. Eddie can certainly see the wisdom in that even if he’s constantly itching to roll Chris in layers of bubble wrap.

He blindly grabs for his phone, buzzing from the coffee table. “Hello?”

At first there’s complete silence and he winces thinking it’s yet another telemarketer. Before he can check he hears rustling, like someone’s covering the mouthpiece.

“Hello?” He asks again, more insistent this time.

“Uh, sorry. Didn’t think you’d actually pick up.”

Eddie thinks he might drop the phone. Or throw up. Maybe both? Probably both.

“Evan?”

tagged by the lovely and talented @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks for Inspiration Saturday (go check their posts, I’m very excited) Instead of working on anything current, I wrote this instead. Not sure I have any actual plans to expand it, I just had to get it out of my system, y’know? So, bon appetit or whatever 💖

no pressure tagging (lmk if you want added or removed) @stereopticons @this-is-bwr @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @tizniz @theotherbuckley @elvensorceress @apothecarose @barbiediaz @buckaroosheart @buddierights @chaosandwolves @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @eowon @fortheloveofbuddie @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @loserdiaz @spaceprincessem @statueinthestone @steadfastsaturnsrings @the-likesofus @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @thewolvesof1998 @vanillahigh00 @watchyourbuck @weewootruck @wildlife4life @your-catfish-friend @epicbuddieficrecs

[toppamplemousse]

Hiii!!! I loved bottle episode so much!! I don't know if I can do that but I saw your end notes so... is it possible if we can get a Max pov for when Charles came back after a year? Thanks!!

hi!!!! firstly, THANK YOU. secondly, YES. this was always in my head when i wrote it because like, obvi this scene is devastating for charles but POOR MAX. anyway. max pov below the cut :) MWAH

bottle ep on ao3 | bonus pt 1

bottle episode; bonus pt 2

He knew he didn’t have to come in today, but he couldn’t help it. It’s not about being a control freak, it’s just about–

Well. It’s about pride, Max thinks. He hasn’t worked his ass off at this bar for one busy Saturday night when he’s not there to ruin it. It’s been a while since he took the weekend off. A lot has changed.

His mind is everywhere. Trying to think of everything all at once, thoughts and reminders rushing through his brain with nothing sticking and nothing actionable happening, and he feels like he is just sitting in his office, brain on standby.

Max sighs, running his hands through his hair. Messing it up. Running them back through to help. He pulls out a notepad and a pen, trying to jot down the tasks he should try to complete before Gia shows up and he has to leave. His hand is back in his hair without realizing it. Fuck.

Taking a deep breath, he makes a checklist. 

Review forecast. Double check staffing. Bar check: make sure bar is clean; chairs are neatly arranged; dishwasher works. Storewalk: menus stocked behind counter; plants watered; new display on show. Hair combed. Lint roll pants free of cat hair.

Ring in pocket.

There’s a jolt in his stomach. It’s a good one. A nervous one. One where it’s exciting and nerve wracking and his heart feels like it's racing and his skin feels a little itchy. All good things come with a bit of nerves. They’re not worth doing otherwise.

He gets up, deciding to walk around the bar first, trying to expel some of the energy out of his system. Calm down a little. 

There’s a routine for him, an order to it. Like his brain can visually check off boxes as he goes around. As he makes his way through the high top tables, Ollie comes in.

“Max!” He waves, his mouth smiling wide, showing his typically-English teeth behind his grin. “I thought you weren’t coming in today? Isn’t it–”

“Yes, yes,” Max cuts him off, not wanting someone else to say it, to put it into motion. “Yes, that’s today.”

Ollie raises his eyebrows and winks. Max looks away, taking a deep breath. Through his nose, out his mouth. 

Gia will be so pleased. So happy. She’ll give her big goofy grin and her loud laugh, and maybe she’ll cry a little, and she’ll want to tell her mother and call her best friend. She’ll turn to Max and hug him and put the ring on – fitting perfectly, just what she wanted. They haven’t discussed it fully in detail, but they know enough.

She’s like that, Gia. Straightforward, just like Max. It’s what he first liked about her. After— well, once the weather got colder and they met and she just worked and they clicked and then months had passed. And Max can see it; them, together, New York. A family, maybe, down the line. 

There’s a certain peace to it. He’s nervous about this evening, the actual asking, but he’s not nervous about the rest. A calmness that comes with knowing what’s ahead, of knowing it’s with her. Of less what ifs, and more when’s. 

They work. He loves her. There’s peace. 

Ollie starts to set up the bar, working on cutting the mint leaves into garnish-sized portions. He’s a relatively recent hire, a college student needing something for the summer. Max likes him; he’s diligent, bright-eyed and eager. 

Max zones back in, heading to his office to check the forecast and staffing list for tonight. His brain feels calmer, able to check most of the items off his list and feel the weight lift slightly off his shoulders. 

He’s midway through looking at the financials when his phone pings, jolting him. Liam flashes up on the screen. It’s never a good sign. 

Max feels his stomach churn again as he reads that Liam apparently now can’t come in because he’s sick. And maybe, if Max was working, he’d let it slide, and say no worries, and just plan to be down a waiter and promise the ones who do come in today something a little extra. 

But Max isn’t working today, and he can’t bear the thought of anything even remotely not correct. He rings Oscar, ready to beg for them to come in. 

He walks out of his office, tapping his jacket pocket once again to confirm that the ring box hasn’t somehow evaporated suddenly or grown legs and jumped out and is sitting in the garbage disposal. It’s there. 

“No— I told Liam, he can’t call out this late, I can’t—“

There’s no way. 

Max has to be hallucinating. 

There’s no way, there’s not one universe, not one alternate reality, where he has just come out of his office and there, sitting at the bar, boyishly beautiful and sucking all the air out of Max’s lungs—

Is Charles. 

”I’ll call you back.”

Charles smiles at him, and it’s lethal. 

It’s heart-stoppingly, blood-curdingly lethal, and it aches and it aches and it aches. There’s two front teeth and a perfect cupid's bow and dimples so deep Max used to get lost in them. For a moment, a moment so small there would be no scientific name for it, not even enough time for it to be recorded anywhere, Max feels a surge of hope. Of happiness. He’s there, just like how Max had hoped. 

There’s Charles. Sitting. Smiling. Shattering every piece of Max he had worked so fucking hard to repair. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Max means for it to be a question, but it’s flat, monotone, as though a transcriber might put a period at the end of the sentence instead of a question mark. He watches the cogs turn behind Charles’ eyes briefly, the warm, soft gaze gathering just slightly more of an edge. 

“I am back in the city briefly.” 

Max refuses to think about whether Charles had to choose to be in the city, or if he truly had a few days. It doesn’t matter. Charles continues. 

“I didn’t text but— well, I just thought I would come see you.”

Max responds with a hello. 

He wants to respond with a scream. 

He wants to push Charles square in the chest and ask him what the fuck he was thinking, showing up out of the blue, after one fucking year, with not even a crumb of communication. So fucking typical of Charles not to think, to just do, and expect everything and everyone to fall into place, just because he so willed it.  To not think about how it might make Max feel. About whether it’s a dumb fucking idea. About whether it makes Max want to tear his hair out and then his whole life down and start again, eighteen months rewound, and ignore the drunk stranger outside the pizza place. 

“Hi, Max.”

It’s enough to make him falter. The way Charles says his name, tongue curled around the syllable of it, dancing so beautifully off those lips. How the last time he heard it, it was through tears. 

And then Charles reaches his hand forward, crossing the no man's land of the bar between them, the space Max had specifically put there. He reaches his hand forward like he doesn’t even think about it, and Max flinches. Recoils. 

A flicker crosses through Charles’ eyes. Maybe a year ago Max would have pointed it out. 

And as if God is playing a cruel, cruel joke on him, as though it wasn’t enough already, and if Max didn’t know any better he would assume Charles just wants to twist and twist the knife until Max can’t even breathe— Charles just continues speaking. The voice he replayed over and over until he could barely remember which sounds Charles couldn’t pronounce and which English terms tripped him up — that voice just floats in his goddamn bar. 

“Well, I know you’re working tonight but I managed to get a reservation at Pizzetta 644 on Tuesday, it’s a little late but I thought we could go, since you mentioned it last time and you know pizza is what–”

Max shakes his head. Charles can’t— he’s not— 

He takes one moment to be grateful that Ollie showed up early, that Ollie still stands there, trying not to eavesdrop but failing. Without him, Max might have yelled, might have smashed a glass. Might have done something worse, like throw himself at Charles. 

And God, who clearly takes no care of Max and only finds his existence one big fucking joke, a game of poker that no one, not even the dealer can win, plays his next card. 

Gia walks in. 

She looks beautiful, like Max anticipated. Max has a feeling she knows, said something about getting her nails done. Her hair falls around her shoulders, no doubt because Max has expressed his preference in that style on her, and she walks right into the sheer mess of a glue trap she doesn’t know exists. 

Sunglasses pushed up to her hair, she leans in and gives Max a kiss. His cheek burns. He can feel Charles’ eyes stinging through his skin. Max rests his hand on her hip, to stop him from doing something foolish. 

Max clears his throat. “Gigi, this is Charles, a friend of mine.”

What are you supposed to say when the love of your life, the one who filled you with an emotion too bright to name, to full to encapsulate, the one who didn’t only fit but who just was, what are you supposed to say when they crash your perfectly sufficient life? What do you call them? What do you say?

Not enough.

“Charles, this is my girlfriend, Gia.”

It feels so dismissive. His friend, his girlfriend. Max never thought he’d have to consider them in the same place, in the same thought. Gia knows he has dated others. Max assumed at some point, years down the road, they’d be drunk and giggling and reminiscing on their foolish twenties, and Gia might tell a story about a clumsy hookup or some on-off boyfriend, and Max would laugh and say I had a messy summer with some finance boy.

He wouldn’t mention Monaco, he wouldn’t mention the pizza place, the bar cart, the edibles at the museum, the flowers on the counter when he got home and the wine in the fridge and the affection the two cats had for him.

He wouldn’t mention any of that, and Charles would be reduced to a single line, a crossed-out section of his love life. 

Gia reminds him they have to go. It’s a reservation Max made, for them, to solidify their future. And before, Max was nervous and jittery, but now, he’s furious. Storming into his bar, ruining his plan, messing up his checklist. How could Max have possibly accounted for this? He didn’t jot down previous love of your life shows up on the one fucking day you could really not use it on his godforsaken notepad. 

“See you later.”

This time, where a period would be ideal, a question mark comes out. Max doesn’t know if he will see Charles later. He’s not sure he wants to. 

But God, does he. 

With Gia’s soft hand in his, they leave the bar. He waves to Ollie. He doesn’t look back at Charles. 

He had planned this dinner so well. So perfectly. Just how Gia would want. And now, of course, Charles ruins it. 

Max can’t think. He can barely read the menu, even though he had already decided what he was going to get in advance. Gia can tell, obviously, that he’s shaken. Maybe it would be better if Gia knew it was because of Charles, but Max can sense that she thinks Max is nervous to propose. And God, what he would give for that to be the case now. For it to be 45 minutes earlier, when his biggest concern was making sure the ring was in his pocket, not that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull it out at all. 

It burns, the box. Pressed right into his lungs and sapping him of breath. Suffocating. 

After the appetizers, he goes to the bathroom. Looks at himself in the mirror. And there’s no other option. 

With Charles, there was never any other option. 

He’s come in at the worst time, he’s blown up Max’s life as he knows it, he’s crumpled everything Max has tried to step beyond for the past year. And yet, the moment Max laid eyes on those beautiful dimples, on that soft smile, Max knew there was no other option. 

That no matter how hard he tried to bury it, whether he pushed it down so far beneath the peace and the stability and the love for Gia, it’s never far enough. Like a disease that Max would so gladly succumb to, letting it spread to the end of every limb, letting it cover his whole body. 

The option, the one where Charles does want him back, truly, honestly, forever — he couldn’t ever turn that away. 

The ring stays in his pocket. 

He apologizes to Gia when he tells her it’s over. He lets a tear fall alongside her sobs, and squeezes her hand. Asks for forgiveness. 

And then he puts his two weeks notice in at Bar Vasseur, buys two travel carriers for pets, and books a one way plane ticket. 

[denalidear]

Sleepy

a/n: oops. forgot i said i was gonna do this whole thing. well here a little fic i wrote a while back and never posted.

summary: wil is so eepy.

word count: 886

warnings: none?

- - -

It had been a long day for him, you knew. Between streaming, working on new music, and how late the two of you had stayed up the night before; he was tired. So when you asked to cuddle and watch a movie, you had put two and two together to start your master plan. You strategically placed yourself underneath him, his head on your collarbone as you ran your fingers through his hair.

“Love I’m going to fall asleep if you keep on playing with my hair.” He warned, adjusting so his arms were tucked well around your torso. He yawned and leaned into you more and you smiled.

“What if I told you that was the point?” You teased, trying to contain your laugh as to not disturb the sleepy boy.

“Then I’d tell you you’d better be comfortable because I won’t be moving once I’m asleep.” He mumbled, now pulling the blanket covering you two further up his shoulders.

“Bring it on, buddy.” You said, turning your attention back to the movie while continuing your ministrations in his hair. Soon enough you felt his weight sink into you, his breath coming out in soft puffs over your neck. He had fallen asleep and your plan was a success.

-----

Wil was a sleepy guy. After the first nap he’d had cuddling with you, he requested more and more. It became a regular occurrence for him to seek you out straight after finishing a stream, only to fall asleep in your arms.

But today, he was determined to prove he didn’t need a nap. You’d dragged him all around London, going to shops and cafes. He played along happily for the first four hours, but after dinner came and went his resolve was sarting to wear thin. He happily carried your tote bag that you’d filled with the goodies you’d acrewed, but he was nearly nodding off as you sat at the station waiting for the next train home.

“Wil.” You tapped his knee, “The announcer said it’d be pulling up soon.”

“Ok.” He nodded, resisting the urge to lean into your shoulder. Soon the train pulled up and you boarded. Wil fought to stay awake as he sunk into the plush of the seat.

“Baby you can sleep on my shoulder.” You said patting his leg to comfort him.

“No, I’m not tired, I promise.” He said quietly. As miuch as you wanted to believe him, not two minuets later his head was on your shoulder and he was snoring away. You couln’t help but smile.

-----

The band said goodnight to the crowd, passing out the set list and spare picks. The main lights came up as the audience began to leave and the band got off stage. Wil came straight up to you, as was post gig tradition, for a kiss and a very sweaty hug.

“You did great, handsome!” You smiled, holding his face between your hands. As you looked into his eyes, you could see the adrenaline slowly leaving his system as his eyelids began to slouch.

“Thanks darling.” He smiled, leaning in for another kiss. You decided it was time for him to go to bed, leaving the venue in favor of the quiet tour bus. He held your hand tight as you lead him to the bunks in the back, speaking quietly about how he thought the concert had gone. You tucked him in like a little kid, teasing him about being a toddler while he laughed.

“But will you cuddle with me?” He said, grabbing your hand before you could pull away.

“Of course, baby.” You smiled, kicking off your shoes and sliding into bed. Would you regret not changing into PJ’s when you woke up? Probably. But this moment was perfect, and you wouldn’t ever pick a shower over sleeping with your boyfriend.

-----

“Chat, guess who just got home from work?” Wil smiled as he looked at the text you had just sent him, confirming you made it safely to his house. He quickly typed back a response, saying he was on stream but that you should come and visit him. He continued speaking to chat before he heard a small knock on the door.

You creeped into his office, dragging your feet after a long day of work. “Hello, love.” Your boyfriend spun around in his chair and st up to greet you. He lifted his arms to invite you onto his lap and into a hug. “How was work?”

“Good. Just tired.” You mumbled into his neck. “You can keep playing. I’ll just cuddle.” He rubbed your back and turned back around to his screen.

“Chat, my darling has had a long day, so she’s a little tired. I’ll finish this up and then we are gonna go to bed.” He smiled, reaching around your body cuddled up to his chest and began to play again.

He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as your head lulled back and your weight sunk into him. “I think she fell asleep.” He whispered to chat. He looked down at your peaceful face. “Yeah she’s totally out.” He giggled, keeping his voice low.

“That’s my cue to leave, friends. Thanks for tuning in. I’ve got to get my love into bed, poor girl. Good night, everyone.”

[burning-academia-if]

Can we pretend April isn't over? It doesn't feel like it should be over. First and foremost, I got sick again because my immune system is trash lol (I have been sick every month this year). I also joined the Velox Formido Game Jam where I made a game in 36 hours! It was a nice reset/break from BA even if it was a chaotic time. I have done the other 2 iterations of the jam so missing this one felt wrong lol. With that said, both of those things did cut into my time with BA.

I mostly focused on coding in a lot of things + editing through sections. There was very little writing done this month. I wrote the other two ending scenes for Chapter 2, as well as the the other RO pov end scene. I just need to finish the student government path + random scene variations and then the writing will be done! Since I've also done a decent amount of coding/editing for this chapter as well, I really just need to finish the last sections and write/code them in and the update will be ready! I'm aiming for the end of May for chapter's 2 release, with the first week of June being the latest! I hope you guys enjoy it when it comes out!

As for the blog, the end of April was suddenly really busy with asks?? I'm so used to it being slow LOL With that being said, I might not answer as many asks as often since I want to focus my energy on wrapping up this chapter! I'll still be answering a few a day, usually during my break at work, but home time will be focused primarily on the game! Hopefully I can catch up on them during weekends, but no promises!

Anyway, today's preview is more Family Fun Times:

[angel-of-the-moons]

A Rose Under The Moon

Moon Knight System (Marc/Steven/Jake) x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: None really, chit-chat between some gal pals, some implied bi/pan reader.

A/N: Never fear, best gal Layla is here! Also the Hippo-Mama!

And I totes recommend reading the Hobby Headcanons that @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction wrote on the boys! I plan on implementing them all! (Also read all their other things, their Nathan Bateman shit is *insert Paccha meme here*) I need to read up on American football because frankly I have no clue how sports worked since I played soccer and baseball as a kid, before I write about Marc's lest I sound like some plebeian who's guessing everything lmao

Taglist: @bad4amficideas @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @shirukitsune @lokisremainingsanity

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Chapter 5:

Old Friends

You were minding your own business, cleaning up the mess of tossed books that a couple was oh so kind enough to allow their child to scatter.

You hoped you'd never see them again. While they sat at the nook, sipping coffee and eating the muffins, their child was running around, causing havoc and destroying your beautiful, well-organized shop. Oh, your poor shop…

The couple weren't happy when you charged them for the books their son had ripped up and destroyed beyond salvage, the books he colored in.

Yeah, you really hoped they would never come back.

You looked at your burned hand with a frown. It had been a few days since you hurt yourself, and while painful, the burn wasn't actually that bad. Some aloe, some ice… And it started to clear up after the first day, the blisters receding quickly. You flexed your fingers and tilted your head, curiously wondering if your soulmate could feel the burns, as well. When the thought crossed your mind, you pulled up your sleeve and looked at the mark on your wrist, checking to see which moon would be full today.

The bottom right one. It had been that one a lot, lately.

The bell to the front door dinged, and you straightened up, mentally preparing yourself for the forced smile you were going to have to put on, now.

You cleared your throat and spun around, broom in hand, looking at the woman who just walked in.

She was beautiful. Her tanned skin complimenting her dark eyes and mass of wavy curls. She smiled at you, a bit more genuine.

"Oh! Hello, welcome to Here Today Books." You say politely. "Can I help you?"

"You look like you need it more, sister." She sighed, smiling sympathetically, nodding to the pile of ruined books you now had to put into recycling. Her accent was… it wasn't American, like yours. It sounded similar, but her words had some kind of twinge to them.

"Ah, yeah… a couple and their lovely child were my most recent patrons." You joke dryly.

"Ah, a little tornado, huh?" She snorted, shaking her head.

"Yep. For sure." You sigh, giving her a new, more genuine smile. "Now, were you looking for anything in particular today?"

"Oh, actually, a friend told me about this place, and I was curious." She mused.

That… took you by surprise. People actually talk about your store? Like, as in tell other people about it? This was news, for sure.

"O-oh?" You blink.

"Yeah, he said you made good muffins and tea. I'm more of a coffee fan in the morning, myself, though. Tea is more of a night thing." She chuckled.

You tilt your head at her, gears in your brain whirling.

"Are you friends with Steven Grant, by any chance?" You ask.

She laughs. "Yes! I'm Layla. Layla el Faouly." She holds out her hand for you to shake, and you, without thinking, extend your healing hand.

She shakes it gingerly, her eyes focused on the rosy skin like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"That… looks like it hurt." She said.

"Oh, this? I was just dumb and grabbed a hot pan without thinking." You said, examining your hand casually.

"Oh… Yeah, that's not good for you, y'know?" Layla joked softly.

"Yeah, not the worst pains I've ever had, trust me." You reply. "Now, uh… are you looking for a book? Or after some of the coffee? Or my muffins?"

"Oh! I think I'll just explore a bit, if that's all right with you." Layla said with a nod.

"Oh, I don't mind! If you need anything, just holler!" You wave at her as she disappears into the shelves.

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"You saw it?" Layla muttered softly to herself; or more accurately, to the giant hippo-woman clad in gold and jewels standing next to her, only visible to her eyes.

"Yes, yes I did. Didn't Marc mention that he had phantom pains in that same hand?" Taweret chuckled.

"Yeah. I mean… It could be coincidence, but…"

"You should talk to her. The poor dear looks dreadfully lonely." Taweret sighed, looking even more gargantuan as she peers at the contents of the shelves pressing down around her, her cute little ears flickering back and forth.

She picked up a book on psychology, finding it suddenly terribly interesting, her eyes widening as she scans the pages faster than a human ever could.

"I will. If we're right about our assumption, then, maybe we can… I don't know…"

"Play matchmaker?" Taweret giggles.

Layla softly smiles, not paying attention to the open book in her hands as she chuckles.

"Yeah. We can play matchmaker."

"Oh, let's just see how this plays out first, m'love?" The goddess giggled.

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Layla wanders to the front of the store, two hardback romance novels in her hands and you smile as you restock some old sci-fi novels into your discount rack.

They were the kind of romance novels with the covers reminiscent of oil paintings, the pretty ones. Not the stupid photoshopped ones that are being printed nowadays.

"Find something you like?" You chuckle.

She waves the books with a wide grin, "I've actually been looking for these copies for ages. At one of the places I was working, some jerk stole them from my locker."

"Oh gods, that is horrible!" You gasp. Why would anyone steal books?! At most, those particular novels, even new, only went for a few pounds!

"I know, right! They were autographed and everything!" Layla groaned.

You felt even more offended on her behalf. If those books were autographed and authentic, they would go for actually a decent sum for a collector online...

"That's even worse than just stealing a regular copy!" You clucked.

Layla wiggled the books in her hands. "But, hey! You have hardback copies, and in very good condition. Mine were old, beat up paperbacks!"

"Well, I'm more than happy that you found them!" You grinned widely.

Layla tilted her head to the left slightly, like she had heard something from behind her, and then she looked right at you, eyeing you up and down briefly, as if she were thinking.

You quirked an eyebrow at her in concern.

"Is everything all right?" You ask.

"Hm? Oh! Yes, yes I'm okay! I just have this... thing. The ringing in my ears?" She coughs, abashed.

"Oh! You have tinnitus? I have a booklet or two on medical things that might have something in it for you if you'd like." You chirp helpfully.

Layla put her hand up, chuckling as she declined politely. "Thank you, but no, I'll be okay. It's not constant or anything like that, it's just that I got off a plane the other day and my ears popped and haven't righted themselves yet.."

"Ooooh..." You nod in understanding. "Where'd you fly in from, if you don't mind my asking?"

She smiled. "Cairo."

"That's the accent!" You gasp in realization, pointing at her.

Layla laughed when you blushed and apologized for the outburst.

"It's fine, and yes! How'd you guess?"

"I used to have an exchange student, he would come in here and buy books for his college courses all the time! He was born and raised just outside Cairo." You chuckle.

"Ohh! Interesting." Layla hummed, looking at the books in her hands.

"Hm... you mentioned you had a menu of sorts?"

"Sure!" You lead her over to one of the nooks, and hand her the laminated mini menu you had available.

Her eyebrows raised, impressed at the various items you had available.

"Oh! This is actually nice..."

"Yep! Most of it is made to order by me, so some of it'll take a bit to bake." You grin proudly.

"Oh... well in that case, is it okay if I ask you to keep me some company? If you're not busy? I don't actually have too many friends other than Steven and his... er, brothers and my... uhhh... surrogate mom, so being able to have another woman to chit-chat with would be very welcome..."

To say you were surprised at the offer was an understatement.

"Oh! Uh, sure! I don't... I don't mind!"

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You and Layla clicked very well. You had similar tastes in things like reality TV, romance novels, even skincare routines.

But when she started talking about herself, is when it got interesting. It turns out she had been married to Marc at some point.

She was his ex-wife. The one he told you about.

"I imagine it's kind of awkward for you two, huh?" You remarked.

"Oh, me n Marc? Not at all! We're still good friends, it's just..." Layla set her coffee down, frowning as she tried to think of how to describe it.

"...After a while, whatever we had... like... the spark, I guess? It just... faded. Marc went through a bit of soul searching and after he did that, well..."

They weren't soulmates.

"Ah... I understand." You sighed.

"What about you?" She asked, a small sly smirk playing her lips.

"Oh! Uh... yeah. No. Nothing for me, I'm afraid." You chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Oh? Nobody special or anything like that? Never kissed someone?"

"Well, I mean, when I was in highschool I kissed a girl on a dare." You sip your own coffee.

"A girl?" Her eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Yeah, to be honest I'm not sure what kind of preference I have, because I've never really been attracted to anyone before, but it was... weird. Didn't feel like everyone talked it up to be."

"Ah... so... are you waiting for your soulmate, then?" Layla asked a bit tightly.

"Yeah... I know it's stupid, but..." You say, looking down at the mug in your hands.

"Not really. Who doesn't want to meet the one person that is your other half?" She said, smiling softly in sympathy.

Her finger traced the rim of her cup idly, trying to think of the best way to go about phrasing the next question without being obvious about her suspicions.

"Do you... have any ideas of who it might be?" She finally asked.

You shake your head and shrug. "D'nno. I don't know if it's a man or a woman or... well anybody, really. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like once you meet your soulmate because each bond is different so..."

Layla wanted to scream. She wanted to facepalm, she wanted to smack her head on the table. She wanted to splash her coffee into her face.

Taweret was giggling like mad.

"Not as easy as you assumed it was going to be, eh Little One?" The goddess smiled behind her hand at Layla.

Her eyebrow twitched, knowing full well she couldn't retort without looking insane or revealing her position as Taweret's avatar.

You had to be Marc's (and possibly Steven's and Jake's) soulmate. It was all just too coincidental for her liking.

"Oh! That's... well I hope they're close by!" Layla said, forcing a very strained smile.

How could you and Marc be this thick?!

That fact alone had to mean something.

"That's everyone's hope, isn't it?" You chuckled softly, a small fond smile on your face, a glimmer of sadness in your eyes.

Layla felt sympathy for you in the moment, realizing how terribly lonely you must be feeling. And how much pain.

Especially with Marc and the others doing Khonshu's will.

Taweret seemed to pick the thought out of thin air, so in tune with Layla she could tell by the flash in her eyes what she was thinking about.

"Ohhh! That bloody old bone-head!" She huffed, her nostrils flaring as she crossed her arms, her bottom lip poking out from beneath her muzzle.

"He needs to give those poor boys a break! Especially because whatever happens to them, happens to her!" She gestured to you with her big, yet gentle hands.

Layla cleared her throat.

"Well, uh.... since I've told you about me... why don't you tell me about you? Where were you born, stuff like that?" Layla asked you, still smiling.

"Oh! Me? I'm afraid it's not very interesting." You chuckled dryly.

Layla looked outside as the rain came down in sheets. Not very appealing to walk back to the boys' flat in this weather... especially not for her hair.

"It looks like I've got time, love. Go ahead! We can have some more drinks while we chat."

You smiled a bit wider.

It was nice to have a girl-friend to talk with, again.

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When Steven had woken up, Layla was gone, and Marc and Jake left Steven quite alone in the body, letting him front entirely for the day. She'd left a note on Gus and Co's tank saying she went out for a bit for some fresh air.

Which, quite frankly, Marc said was bullshit because of the weather. Layla wouldn't go out in a monsoon and risk her hair becoming an unmanageable spongy mop that would take forever to dry, unless she was going somewhere very specific.

It was one of the things she complained about the most when they were together, something he thought was amusing. He remembered one time they got caught in a rain after their wedding, and at the hotel she was fussing and muttering under her breath as her wet curls hung over her face, desperately trying to get the dripping mass of hair to dry, glaring at herself in the mirror.

Steven sighed, and made his morning cup of tea and went about his routine. He dusted some, and decided to slip on his apron and play with some recipes he'd found online.

The apron was a bit... "dinky" as Marc had called it. Jake apparently ordered it online when he saw the slightly cartoon'd Egyptian motifs on it and left it as a present for Steven, since his favorite thing to do other than read was to cook (and he was a major Egyptophile).

When he was finished, he'd placed the extra portions in a small container in the fridge for Layla when she returned, in case she was hungry.

Then, he sat down, ate, and read a book while he played some music over the cheap sound system Marc installed.

When Layla returned, she was... dry. Remarkably dry. Her hair was still perky and everything!

She apparently bought an umbrella while she was out, placing it in the holder so no excess water dripped on the floor.

"Ah! Hey Steven." She chuckled, walking up and kissing his cheek, knocking his glasses off to the side as she did, placing her bag on the little table nearby.

"How'd you know?" Steven chuckled, adjusting his glasses as he looked up at her.

"Well, aside from the fact you're hunched over like a goblin over a book... the flat smells wonderful. You've obviously been cooking. Not Marc." She grinned.

"Ha!" Steven giggled.

Layla hummed as she set her new purchases on the table, folding the little canvas bag neatly.

Steven's eyebrows shot up when he saw the books.

"Where were you..?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"Oh, y'know... exploring. Went out for a tea..." She grinned at him out of the corner of her still ridiculously beautiful eyes.

"Visited that bookstore you 'n Marc told me about."

Steven fidgeted in his seat.

"O-oh..."

"Mhmm." She tapped her nails on the books' hard covers; she then turned around and crossed her arms, still grinning as she leaned her hips on the table.

"....Why are you looking at me like that? And where did you get that umbrella..?"

"Oh, well..." She shrugged, sighing a bit dramatically, looking elsewhere in the flat for dramatic effect.

She looked back at him, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Your little girlfriend who owns the bookstore. She really is a sweetheart, she let me borrow it while I'm in town."

"Bloody hell! Layla! It's not like that at all--" Steven sputtered, almost dropping the book in his hand.

She started cackling madly, walking into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator.

"Ooh! What'dja make?"

Steven made a noise, burying his face in his hands as he tried to hide the faint blush that crept up his face and set up shop in the tips of his ears, knocking his glasses up to his forehead.

"Bloody hell!" He groaned into his palms.

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Chapter 6: Link

[merakiui]

I wrote this whole thing out already tbh but I accidentally reloaded my tab 😭 so I have to type it out again 💔. I'm sorry if the first one somehow sent already and you get this twice

But nono that is Absolutely an NBC dress!! I see the vision!! I am personally not as big of a Rollo fan but I DO think he is a fascinating little bug. I'm putting him in a little jar under a big ol' magnifying glass and observing him for forever. I like that Masquerade offered us a look at other mage schools and how they work, what villains they're based on, etc. I really appreciate him for that. I did actually really enjoy what we got to learn about him too. Fun stuff! Love Masquerade.

AAAA fashion and eel blessings! I'm so honored :D!! Tbh Floyd has always been much much kinder in gacha than his brother ever has been,, so even tho I loved Jade first maybe I should give that other eel his proper chance. Since he seems to love my keys so much lol

I totally forgive on the forgetting to answer tho it's okay 😭!! These asks get very long. It's bound to happen! Obey Me had that update though a few months ago and it's been a godsend so far!! I played for forever but my cards weren't ever strong enough to reach the later story :( so I'm really glad Nightbringer offers the full thing for free so I can binge read!!

Since I brought up other games though,, I've been wanting to ask actually if you've ever looked into Diabolik Lovers? If you haven't and ever want to... I do want to warn you that the anime is NOT very good unfortunately </3. It's one of those animes that's just kind of a really shitty ad for whatever it's original media form was. It skips out a lot of important lore/character info, and doesn't really showcase each character properly since it tried very hard to focus on just 1 brother and failed. So the ganes/translations are 100% the way to go.

I bring it up tho bc it's my fave character's birthday today :D!! Ohh,, Reiji Sakamaki the strange little specimen you are <3 <3 my lovely wife that drugs people. I adore him. I think tbh you could like him too based on the stuff you usually talk and write about here. But obviously I could be very wrong! No way to actually know.

- :3

AAAA the horror of reloading the tab... I've done that too many times. T_T I know the pain well. </3

YES!!! Glomas gave us so much!!! It's one of my favorite twst events. Being able to see what other magic schools are like and how they function (NBC having a student council in contrast to NRC's Housewarden system). I really hope there will be more events like it! I'd love an event where the RSA students are given more spotlight or an RSA-centric event!!! It would be so exciting!!!!

:O giving Floyb a proper chance...... may he come home so quickly!!! May he jump into your arms enthusiastically!! It's Jade's loss for being so stubborn in coming home. >:( no hugs for that eel.

That feature is so helpful and nifty omg!!!! I want to finish the main story and learn more from where I stopped a while back. ;;;; after becoming a Jade enjoyer, my eyes have opened to Barbatos hehe.

DIABOLIK LOVERS OMG...... now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time. I did indeed watch the anime many years ago, but I actually haven't delved too deeply into the translations of the game. I might have to because,,,, vampire....... cool,,,, pretty,,, deranged.... orz the sheer grip those brothers had on me...

Please forgive my late reply!!!! >_< your wife's birthday has since passed, but that doesn't mean we can't still celebrate Reiji Sakamaki, the wife ever!!!!!! <3 I think my taste in fictional men has refined with my age because the polite (as a front) types (Reiji, Kyoya, Jade, Sebastian, etc etc) were never my preference, but now I am LOOKING. 👁 👁 I think I need Mr. Reiji carnally.

[keep-the-wolves-close]

Steady Heart

Chapter 29: Trouble

* Pairing: Slow-burn Kayce Dutton x OFC Stella Daniels

* Rating: M? (Still figuring out the rating system) (might eventually be M anyhow)

* Warnings: language, someone tailing Stella

* Word count: 4,314ish

I would love to give credits to @dameronscopilot and @deanscroissant for being sounding boards for me during this whole process, giving outsider insight, being cheerleaders, and allowing me to screech at them about things that have happened during the writing process. I seriously couldn't have gotten this far without y'all

Author's note: Oh shoooot 👀. Things are getting interesting! And okay, I only lasted two days, but I got the finale chapter done, and I wanted a reward. 😂😂😂 Also a fun fact about this chapter, it was the first chapter I wrote for this story a little over a year ago. I hope everyone is enjoying so far! I hope you love this chapter as well!

Ryan and Stella were out riding. There was no work to be done and Ryan wanted to take the opportunity to check in with his little sister. It had been a little while since they had one on one time. Since he’s been her primary guardian for so long, even though she was a full adult now, he still liked to make sure she was okay. He never wanted her to feel like she was alone in dealing with whatever life threw at them.

“So truly Stellee, how are you?” Both of them came to a stop at the top of a hill overlooking the valley back to the ranch.

Stella pursed her lips and sighed quietly to herself while adjusting her glasses. “I’m okay, Ry. There’s just been a lot going on.”

He nods in understanding, looking her over. She was shifting, seemingly uncomfortable in her saddle, which was the farthest thing from true. That woman was more comfortable in a saddle than on her own two legs. Her bay roan mare, Abigail, whom he gifted her at 16 was also fidgety. Kayce and Stella had both worked together to make sure that the horse was as solid as a rock. She was feisty, sure, but solid. She was sure to give away how Stella was feeling though.

“You know I don’t fully believe you, right?”

Stella barked out a laugh, “Oh really now? And why is that?”

“You’ve got a tell, sis. It also doesn’t help that your mare gives you away either.” Ryan smirked.

“I mean, I’m not lying when I say there’s been a lot going on this year. Lee, the bear, Jenkins, Malcolm.” She glared at the horizon at the thought of the platinum haired man. “The stupid shit with Kayce. There is a lot going on at the repro barn over at Olivia’s.”

Ryan smoothly interrupts, “but…,” he drug out.

“But,” Stella huffs, giving him a pointed look, “a couple times on my way here recently, someone has followed me.” She decided to fess up without much of a fight because there was no use trying to get around Ryan when he wanted information. He’s very persistent and she’s the same way. They would have dug themselves into the ground and died before giving in. Being followed was also starting to bother her.

“Excuse me Stella Lee?! You’re just telling me this now?!”

“Well at first I didn’t think too much about it! A lot of people drive back this way. The second time was after that thing with Malcolm.”

“So why didn’t you tell me then?” She could visibly see his blood pressure rising higher and higher.

“I wanted to be 100% sure they were actually tailing me. Third times the charm, right?” She defended weakly.

“Wait, the third time?” His face turned to stone.

“Today.” At this point, if he would have been able to physically implode and survive, he would have. Stella swore she heard an explosion of the sound barrier as he took off back toward the ranch.

“Fuck.” Stella motioned and Abigail kicked it into high gear. She had to beat Ryan before he caused a ruckus and bothered everyone.

Ryan knew he needed to tell Rip or John. Something wasn’t right and he had to beat Stella there. He adored her stubborn and independent nature, but sometimes it was capable of giving him aneurysms.

In the distance Ryan could see John, Rip, and Kayce by the outer fence talking amongst themselves. Lloyd was closer to him and was trying to flag him down.

“Ho, Ryan! Where’s the fire?”

As he rushes by Lloyd, “I need to get to them before Stella does!”

“She ain’t far behind you.” Lloyd said quietly and looked in the direction of the woman in question. She and that mare were closing in on the round pen with an extensive cloud of dust following. Stella’s face was more determined than he had ever witnessed and he worried for Ryan’s safety.

Ryan came to an abrupt stop in front of the three men, out of breath and rushing to get words out, “Someone has been following Stella. Three times on her way here, and god knows how many other times she’s failed to mention to me.”

In a swift motion with the sharpness of a damn good cattle horse, Stella and Abigail swept in and bounced to a solid stop between Ryan and the others.

“Ryan! Don’t bother them with this! It’s probably just me being paranoid.” She rolled her eyes and moved her glasses back to the bridge of her nose. She really wasn’t feeling having any of her bosses involved. Kayce especially.

“No. It’s you being observant of something that’s out of place.” He pointed at her. “You trying to brush it off the way you are? Is gonna get you kidnapped or killed.”

“Or both,” Rip chimed in from behind them making Stella whip her head around. She had forgotten they had an audience.

“Or worse,” Kayce added with a serious look.

She groaned, “Not you too…,” she trailed off as she finally took notice of the look he was giving her and stopped all forms of argument. They hadn’t had a real chance to speak much since his visit with Monica the other night. Only the one time and it didn’t end great. Her shoulders dropped. It was three against one.

“You’re staying here for a little while. Isn’t she Ryan?” The direct eye contact from Kayce pinned Stella to her spot as he made his declaration final and he didn’t break the contact to talk to Ryan either.

“Yes Kayce, I couldn’t agree more.”

“Ryan, you stay here. Stella, come up to the barn with me.” She rolled her eyes, mostly to herself and the situation she had gotten herself into, but kept up behind Kayce and his mustang nonetheless.

As they were breaking down their horses it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Stella was a speedy little thing when it came to break down. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence. If she finished and got out of the barn before he could catch her? She would be just fine with that.

She hung Abigail’s halter on the outside stall hook as she shut and latched the door. Before she had a chance to turn around, there was a heavy hand that gripped her up and tugged her to the tack room.

In a flurry of noise the door slammed shut behind her and the offending person. Quickly Stella turned around while cocking back her fist. She was fairly certain it was Kayce, but she would rather be safe than sorry, and he deserved a punch from her. So she was fine with it either way.

He grabbed her wrist as she swung her balled fist toward his nose. She visibly relaxed when she realized her assumption was correct. It didn’t ease her irritation, however.

“What the fuck Kayce,” she flicked the brim of his cowboy hat with a huff and pulled her wrist from him. She noticed she was in his personal bubble and tried to back up.

“You’re staying here until we tell you otherwise. Don’t even bother trying to fight me on it. Ryan agrees and will fight you with me, so there’s no use.”

“Kayce, I’m sure it’s just me being paranoid. A lot of people drive back and forth past here every day. It’s a popular road.”

Kayce pulled her back in toward him trying to make a point, “I would like to not have to plead on the six o’clock to get you back or find you murdered.” He leaned closer as if she was about to disappear into thin air.

She adjusted her glasses thinking how she should really get them tightened. It also didn’t help that it was a nervous habit. She looked down in defeat.

“Okay fine. But you’re taking me back to get my clothes for my undetermined stay.” She poked his chest as his body sagged forward. Yes they had been avoiding each other, but she was one of his best friends. Longest friend at least.

“We just want you safe, Stellfire.”

“I know, ya big dumb cowboy,” she smiled and gave him a friendly shove, “now let’s go before they think I’m still being the other woman in the tack room.” She missed the fall of Kayce’s face as she walked away.

Ryan grimaced. He hadn’t meant to cause such a fuss. Other than the ranch and being a livestock agent, his little sister was his everything. They had been through hell and back, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he couldn’t get to her quick enough.

“Sir, I’m so sorry to bring this up to you all like this. I just know something isn’t right and I needed someone to know before she could stop me. And I mean you saw her coming —,” John interrupted.

“She looked like the devil herself coming for reckoning. It’s something I’ve seen in you both.” Ryan almost let a look of pride slip through at John’s admission, but he held it together.

“You’re my lead livestock agent for a reason, Ryan.” John tried to hide a small smile, “We can have her stay here. It’s probably safer than her place anyway.”

Rip offered, “I’ll follow behind to keep an eye out with Lloyd. You or Kayce can run her in a different car.”

“Kayce is gonna take me.” The pair sauntered up to the group from behind. Rip could see Ryan’s hesitation at the thought of not being close to his sister.

“Ryan, why don’t you back Lloyd and I up on the way?”

Ryan came out of the bunkhouse and stopped for a minute to look at his sister. She could most certainly be hell on wheels more often than not most days. He liked to think it was all the years of holding her own with the bunkhouse. He knew that it was a trait shared between them as well.

Even though she was rough and tumble, she had a soft and gentle grace about her. Especially when having a heart to heart with someone. Her being stubborn as a mule was giving him grey hairs, but he couldn’t be more proud of the woman he had raised. Of course, with the help of the wranglers. ‘It takes a village,’ he thought to himself.

Stella could feel eyes on her as she threw a couple of empty duffle bags into Kayce’s truck. She glanced around and spotted her brother giving her a look. She tilted her head at him with her eyebrows scrunched together. He shook his head and went about getting things for the ride together.

It almost felt like an out of body experience looking at the men around her. There was an immense feeling of humility that swarmed in through her lungs and filled her chest. These tough as nails cowboys truly cared about her. They cared enough to rally around her and try their damndest to keep her safe. She studied each of them with a loving fondness. She had grown up with these men, and they had always remained a steady constant in her life. For that, she was grateful. She realized that this place, these people, really did feel like home. If she thought about it hard enough, she might get misty eyed.

Finally, forest brown eyes met a matching set as Stella felt the breath in her lungs get caught. Kayce gauged her actions, trying to decipher if she was okay without asking. She shook her head and smiled at him to let him know she was indeed okay. Ryan made his way over to the pair while clearing his throat, feeling like he was interrupting some unspoken conversation.

“You almost ready, Stellee?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but there's a flaw in the plan that I just thought of.”

“What’s that, Stella-belle?” Rip questioned from over by his truck.

She readjusted her glasses and looked around to her brother, almost like she did when she was little and needed reassurance. “Well if they’re planning on following me back, they aren’t going to do it if it’s Kayce’s truck that leaves here.”

Ryan sighed and dropped his head, “As much as I hate to agree with her, she’s right.”

Kayce reached into the back of his truck and grabbed the duffles and on his way past Stella said, “You can out-maneuver them, right?”

“Kayce… I hang out with a bunch of cowboys,” she laughed, “and if I can’t outrun them? Then we’ll get lost in these here hills, baby.” There was a pause between all of them. The men quickly picked up Stella’s hidden meaning.

“Plus, I’ll have one of the best shots on the ranch riding shotgun.” She smirked in Kayce’s direction. She loved to give him a hard time about his itchy trigger finger. He gave her a soft shove as if he was telling her to fuck off, and she giggled and hopped into her car.

Everyone loaded up in their respective vehicles. Stella thought Ryan had hopped into Rip’s truck, but the interior light kicked on and the car moved as Ryan’s weight settled into her backseat. She made eye contact with her brother in the rearview mirror, and silently asked him what he was doing.

He raised his eyebrows at her, “You think I’m not about to be in your car to protect you?” He stopped short for a second realizing one of his bosses was in the front seat, “No offense.” Kayce smirked as Stella put the SUV in drive.

She pulled to the end of the long driveway. She looked in both directions checking for signs of the car from earlier. She didn’t see anything, but there was still a definitive hesitation in her movements. Things were suddenly very real to her.

Kayce says softly, “Hey, it's okay Stellfire. We’ve got you. Just do what you would normally do. We’ll worry about the rest.”

Ryan watched the gentle nature Kayce used with his sister. It was almost similar to the way you would approach a green horse. There was something softer about it though. Ryan couldn’t quite put his finger on what was going on. He knew there wasn’t anything going on between them any longer, but he didn’t know if Kayce was kissing his sister’s ass or being genuine. He squinted at Stella in the rearview, but didn’t say anything. She pulled out and to the left, took a deep breath and began her normal trek home. The only thing different was she had four guests in tow this time.

Rip and Lloyd pulled out a few minutes behind everyone else. They wanted to leave enough space in between to be able to box in whoever was following Stella. If they decided to follow her again.

“You know Lloyd, I’ve got a bad feelin’ about this.”

“I was feelin’ the same way. Especially if whoever these people are, are coming after little bit.”

“Because none of us would let her get involved in some shit like this, well this part of it anyhow.”

“Especially Ryan.” They chuckled knowing that he could be kind of a helicopter when it came to his little sister.

“That boy sure has tried his hardest raising her right.”

“And he’s done a damn fine job. That stays here, Lloyd.” The men smiled at each other.

Halfway between the Yellowstone and the outskirts of downtown, a silver four door sedan pulled out behind the white SUV. Ryan and Kayce noticed that Stella’s body language tensed up, but she refused to say anything to them. They felt her accelerate slightly. Ryan glanced out the back, and Kayce was looking through the side mirror. They easily spotted the car, and let each other know they had seen it.

“Don’t speed up Stella. Remember, we’re both here.” Ryan gently reminded her. Her shoulders relaxed as she found her brother’s gaze in the mirror before looking back to the road ahead.

“You’re just driving home. Nothing out of the ordinary.” Kayce added.

Ryan turned around in the back seat to observe the car again. The windows were, of course, tinted so dark that he could barely make out that the car was being driven by a person in general. ‘Why would this shit be easy?’ He rolled his eyes, turning around to pick up his ringing phone. It was Lloyd calling.

“Yeah?”

“We’re a couple miles back, but there’s a silver car that’s tailing you.”

“We’ve got them in sights. They aren’t subtle if that’s them.”

“They probably think she’s oblivious and hasn’t noticed them at all. Rip wants to say something, put it on speaker.”

Ryan engaged the speaker, and they all heard Rip clear his throat. “Stella?”

“Yessir?”

“When you get to your house, I want you and your brother to hop out and go inside. Kayce,” he paused for a few seconds as Kayce presented himself, “You stay outside. Watch every move that these motherfuckers make if they pull in behind you.”

Kayce nodded even though Rip couldn’t see him, “Roger that.” He also heard the unspoken order to shoot to kill if necessary. For Stella, he would change the landscape if he had to.

“Where will you be Rip?” They all clearly heard the nervous tick in her voice. It almost made Ryan grab for her hand like when they were kids. She sounded so small and he hated that.

“We’ll be right outside of view, either following them or making sure they stay off of your property, sweetheart. You go get your stuff. We’ve got the rest.” Rip finished and Lloyd ended the call.

Stella lived just a little ways out in between the ranch and downtown. She had neighbors, but they definitely weren’t close. Ryan grimaced at the thought of his sister being by herself out here.

Stella pulled her car around the driveway and around to the back. She pulled it up to face out toward the road again. Putting it in park, she looked at Kayce. “Alright Kace, I know you’re always carrying, but in case you need extra,” they locked eyes, “it’s holstered in the glove box.” His mouth upturned at the corner proudly, ‘Just like I taught her.’ He quickly nodded as he flipped his baseball cap backwards.

Stella ignored the clenching of her stomach at the attractive maneuver. There was always something about a man in a backwards ball cap that caught her eye. She hopped out and started to walk toward her house as Ryan followed sidling up beside her.

“This is the bad thing about you having a wooded driveway, and all the way out here. Can’t get much of a heads up.”

She smiled at her brother and let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, but no one can witness the aftermath.”

Ryan’s face screwed up at the confession, “My god, you’ve got to stop hanging out with Rip.”

Her laughter got stuck in her throat as she reached out to unlock her door. Her whole body tensed.

“Ry…,” she said so quietly Ryan almost missed it. She took a deep breath, “it’s unlocked.”

“Did you leave it like that?”

She breathed out harshly and shook her head. Ryan stepped in front of her.

“Stay behind me and do exactly as I say.” Stella wasn’t about to argue.

Ryan opened the door wide, dropped the duffel bags to his far right, and drew his weapon within 10 seconds. She followed suit and went to the concealed weapon underneath the front table and hoped it was still there.

He heard the snip of her gun safety being switched off behind him. He immediately went to the right and into the den taking a wide gap to the left. Stella made sure to clear the rest of the room and the straight view into her kitchen. They swapped places back and forth in a fatal dance going from room to room. Being taught by her brother not only kept him sharp, but it gave Stella the knowledge to help in this situation.

They finally finished clearing the house. She holstered her weapon back and pulled it from its compartment under the table and hooked it to her belt. With a heavy sigh, she reached down to grab the bags.

“What’s wrong Stellee?” Ryan came up from the small hallway that led to her kitchen.

“Someone was in my house, Ryan. That’s what’s wrong.” She said curtly.

“You’re sure you didn’t just forget to lock the door in your rush to get to the ranch today?”

“Yes Ryan,” he could hear the stress dripping in her voice, “not only was my door unlocked, which I never do mind you, but some stuff was out of place. It definitely wasn’t how I left it. And it feels like someone offensive has been in here.”

“Well let's get you outta here.”

Kayce got out of the SUV once the tight knit siblings made it inside. He had seen Stella tense at the door and had almost ran to the porch. He knew that if she needed the help, she would have made it clear. So he held off.

He looked around the back driveway and yard. The parking spots were messy dirt and gravel. It was a shot in the dark that he would see tracks because they had driven over them, but it was worth a glance.

He stood, huffed and placed a hand on his hip as he surveyed the surroundings. Nothing appeared to be out of place. Except a piece of paper that fluttered because it had gotten stuck against the railing in the nighttime Montana breeze. He didn’t think anything of it and grabbed it. It wasn’t uncommon for trash to blow around every now and again. He almost crumpled it up, but Stella’s name in larger font caught his eye.

“What the,” he whispered. He heard the door close. He quickly folded it up and put it in his jacket pocket. He cleared his throat, “everything alright?”

“For all intents and purposes, yes. It’s okay.” Stella readjusted the duffel bags on her shoulder and her glasses with her forearm as she made her way down the porch steps. Kayce met her at the bottom and took the bags from her and put them in her back seat.

“On the back half of that though, somebody was in my house.”

“What?!” Kayce started toward the house, but Stella’s hand in the middle of his chest stopped him.

She shook her head, “let me clarify, someone had been in there. Ryan and I checked the house. No one was in there at the time. I’m ready to get the fuck outta here though,” she slipped her hand away from his chest and made her way to the driver’s seat, “let’s go home gentlemen.” They met up with Rip and Lloyd at the end of her drive. With a nod from Rip to Stella, they made it back to the ranch without any more incident.

Stella got out of her SUV and leaned on the back door, locking her elbows to keep her upright. She was exhausted. Her head started to pound from all the tension being released from her neck and shoulders.

“You alright, sugar?” Kayce came up and touched her elbow. She jerked a little bit, being pulled back into reality.

“Yeah…,” He reached for her arm again and pulled her into a hug. She melted into him and he heard her sniffle. She was tired of avoiding him. She needed her best friend.

“Hey, hey. It’s gonna be alright.” He placed his hand on the back of her head allowing her to hide her face in his chest, “you’re safe, sugar.”

She raised her head partially, “I know. The stress is just leaving. I’ll be fine after some sleep and some hard manual labor for a few days.”

It was comfortably quiet between the pair. Kayce still had her in an embrace. He could feel the tension slowly leaving her the longer they stood there. He could also feel that if they stood there any longer, she would most definitely fall asleep standing up.

He patted her on the back, “Your brother is probably wondering why you haven’t made it inside yet. Let’s get you settled in, yeah?” Stella nodded, too tired to speak anymore. Kayce grabbed the bags out of the back seat, and gently directed her to head inside.

When she crossed the threshold to the bunkhouse, there was a slight lull in the usual loud activity before everyone jumped to greet her. She greeted them quietly back and made a beeline to the empty bunk that Kayce used when he first came back since Jamie took the one she usually took. Ryan had a clear view from here. She knew she could let herself relax, even if it was only for a few short hours.

Everyone quieted. They weren’t used to seeing Stella so defeated. Kayce made eyes at Ryan, Rip, and Lloyd and nodded toward the outside. He didn’t want her to hear about the note.

Lloyd started off, “That silver car slowed up at her drive until they spotted us.”

“We followed them into downtown as far as we could, but with the fuckin’ traffic we lost them.” Rip was pissed.

Kayce pulled the note out of his jacket pocket. “I found this on the stairs at Stella’s.” He handed the note off so the others could take a look. “Even though she's not as involved with any of the shit that happens here, somebody sure as hell thinks she is.”

“Someone is trying to find vulnerable spots. This is about to be a shit show.” Ryan said.

Rip directed, “We’ll talk to Mr. Dutton in the morning. Let the girl get some rest for now.” He took a second and looked to the youngest Dutton, “Oh and Kayce?” Rip paused. “Don’t let Stella see that.”

[bagalois]

100 days of productivity - 2/100

dec 20, 2024.

☐ schedule eye doctor appt ☐ get flu shot ✔ played lots of video games and called my friends ✔ read "foundations of combinatorial topology" (introduction + section 1)

don't forget your daily clicks! (arab.org) 🍉 Help Yasmin's family survive the war in Gaza

notes. the empty boxes are things that i was gonna do today, but instead it was snowing all day and i didn't want to drive or go outside, so it never got done lmao... i did read a little bit of this book/collection of lecture notes by Lev Pontryagin though. i want to just skim this over break (too difficult to learn rn) so that i can gather the general ideas, get a handle on some of my favorite definitions/theorems, and save the deep learning for whenever i actually need this.

i read the intro and section one - it rushes through a bunch of background stuff, like linear independence, orthonormal bases, and inner products. then they introduce "general position" (will talk about this later) and they define convex shapes.

i started reading it very closely at first, thinkning a lot about the proofs given, and honest i was wasting my time before i caught myself, like,,, calm down, stop overthinking stuff you don't care about, lev pontryagin isnt going to materialize from the grave and assign you homework.

and so yeah, while i technically wrote "i read the intro and section 1" i only completely read the first two and last two pages. but i think it still counts that i read it because the whole thing is only 9 pages. that's almost 50% !!

what i learned: one thing that stood out to me was "general position", which means that if you have m points in "general position" then any subset of k (less than or equal to the dimension of the space) points is also independent. that seems like a very convenient notion to have, but i've never done math that needed it.

in fact, there's a pretty interesting theorem stating that if you have a system of any m points, you can boop some of the points and suddenly they are in general position. (or in technical terms, "any finite system of points of R^n can be brought into general position by an arbitrarily small displacement.")

that's all the interesting stuff from this section, at least in my opinion. well, it's interesting because i haven't seen this before and the theorem has a cute visual (some points that you just tap slightly and voila, general position)

i doubt i will be able to read the next sections as quickly though, because much of it will be new material to me. i might even skip entire sections if i realize i dont care, but i think i will try to read and learn something from every section. it's not even a big book so. yeah i think i can do it.

tomorrow i have a hangout planned so im very excited for that :D my friend's coming over and we're just going to cook. cooking is like math in a way - the people who know how to cook think it's obvious and easy, and the people who don't know how to cook find the task monumentally challenging. i'm in the first camp, but i know enough people in the second one that i do understand its hard.

okay i've yapped enough, i'm going to shut up and play unpacking now lol. good night my friends~

[dollsonmain]

Ok, so...

Manager started a notebook and told us to write down what we need to order in the notebook, so I've been doing that.

I add things as I become aware of it being needed.

Today I wrote in something I'd asked for repeatedly (pork BBQ rib patties/McRibs, basically, which I suspect she only saw "BBQ pork" and stopped reading and that's why we have so many tubs of bbq pulled pork in the freezer....) and she was like "Make sure you tell me what you need by Mondays because the order goes in on Tuesday.

I was like "Ok..."

She can just order all that stuff on the next Tuesday... Next... Next week... Does she want me to not write things down UNTIL Monday???? Or write them as the week goes by and I become aware they're needed like I had been??????? Like wh...... The latter is more efficient?

I had asked for that repeatedly? There are 2 left (2 rib patties in a huge box in the freezer.......) and they won't sell by the time Monday rolls around again either way but... I did ask previously for that product.

Like, we stood there and had a conversation about them. We had lots of sub rolls expiring soon, and she had previously said she didn't want to order more rib patties because they weren't selling, so I suggested we put the rib patties into the sub rolls [because we normally slap them on burger buns and they look ridiculous because the bun covers about half the patty in the center and they really should be on sub rolls] and then heat them up and put them in the hot case, because people like to buy them out of the hot case and then be done with them. And she was like "Oh well they kind of took off..." and I was like "That's because I've been putting them in the hot case." They really do sell out of there, but not out of the cold case, and the same goes for the buffalo chicken with pepperjack. No one wants that cold, but when they're warm, people snatch them up.

I........

This week we have one tub of chicken salad that is brand new, I opened it yesterday, it expires today, and I was expected to make tons of little chicken salad sandwiches out of it, but if I do that then I have to throw it all away tomorrow and that seems a waste of bread, which we're always out of. Not that it's the right bread. It's "white wheat" bread which is just bread made with whole wheat flour that's been ground down finely.

She bought some burger buns at a store to make sandwiches with today and they all expire today.

I just.......

How has no one noticed this was happening??????? Like, NO one thought to check expiration dates?????? The past FOUR YEARS?

I'm so confused.

Me checking expiration dates has definitely opened her eyes to some issues, though. She's rearranging sections of the store, now, implementing pseudo-plan-o-grams in places that it's easy to do that like the automotive stuff and paper goods, things that don't move fast, to make reordering things easier, etc. but she's not THERE, yet, and the inventory is still all wrong.

I also saw her drawing a diagram for the Monster energy drinks so she's certainly looking at things a little differently, lately.

I'm still not sure if I can say to her "I know how to set up and manage a micro-warehouse because I have one in my basement. If you set me loose, I can get this all sorted, but everyone has to be on board and maintain the system for it to work and save you lots of trouble and money over time." because she is head strong and it would cost some money, AND she's just Manager. Everything has to pass by Owner, too, and he's not seeming too flexible.

And also that's not my job, my job is "cashier". I'm already doing way more than my job. I get paid $12/hr. That's nothing compared to the amount and variety of work I do. But the kind of person that I am, if given this Thing that needs fixed, omg let me fix it, just like how I've been pulling out fixtures that haven't been moved in ages and cleaning under and behind them and now she has the other employees doing stuff like that later in the day, too.

I am definitely shaking things up in there, and still not sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's good for the store, certainly, in general. It's bad for the bottom line in the moment because they're suddenly having to liquidate expired stuff left and right because I go find it when I'm bored (all the more reason to not let me get bored, I guess), and that's showing Manager and Owner how inefficient the inventory and ordering is. I'm sure it's frustrating af for the both of them to have someone come in and be like "Wow, all of this is wrong."

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - March 24 - Week 12

Happy Sunday, my friends! Check out this week’s five recs, and be sure to kudos and comment on the ones you enjoy! 

non functional requirements by lazywriter7

“Morning Tony.” Someone greets from close to the front row. Gwen, who’s waiting for her Macbook to complete its primeval, laborious booting up procedure, feels her shoulders sag even further down. God, not this shit again.

“Did your coffee machine explode again?”

“Implode, and no.” The lecturer – Tony – cracks a brief smile. The band t-shirt he’s got on is mostly just wrinkles, his hair flattened straight down the sides like it hasn’t been washed in a couple days. Really gives Gwen such an inspiring picture to look up to for her own prospective career in academia. “And just for that not-so-subtle commentary on my opening salvo today, I’m gonna teach this entire lecture using a metaphor.”

~

Gwen Stacy isn't having the greatest day, and that's before her System Designs Engineering professor starts explaining the material through the lens of his strained-sounding relationship. With his boyfriend in the audience.

arei’s thoughts: I really loved this. It’s outsider POV, and Steve is the ‘bad’ boyfriend in this, but they’re both trying--sometimes failing--to make things work. The way they lean into each other and learn from their mistakes is lovely. 

An Educational Experience (The Good Things Come To Those Who Wait Remix) by valdomarx 

Ults Tony has a nice day.

aka Tony talks Steve through sucking his cock.

arei’s thoughts: it’s no secret that I adore Ults and this one is so lovely, Steve is so grumpy and pining so damn bad if he’d get out of his own way, he could be SO HAPPY. And then it’s just hot. Check it out. 

take a long line by ShanaStoryteller

Steve knows that Tony Stark is going to be a problem from the first line in his file.

Designation: Alpha

arei’s thoughts: I love the a/b/o dynamics in this. The way that Steve kind of fumbled them on account of his coming from a different time, and the way Tony was so anxious to care for EVERYONE around him. The scene where he tries to feed Steve a sandwich is quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve read in months. 

Even the Score by Sineala 

After Tony risks his own life to save Steve from the deadly Bloodwash gas, he's in bad shape, and he needs immediate treatment. Thanks to the treatment, he doesn't quite remember what's going on, but he does remember that people have been trying to kill him and that he can't trust the government. Since the Secretary of Defense did try to murder both of them today, Steve can't exactly tell Tony he's wrong about either of those things -- but, unfortunately, Tony doesn't remember who Steve is. And, even more unfortunately, Steve taught Tony to fight.

arei’s thoughts: I love this fic. It’s a very simple plot and premise pulled from the comics but it’s just so well done, and I love seeing Tony competent and dangerous even without the suit. Sine’s characterization in this--on both Steve and Tony’s parts--is just so lovely and well done. 

pretty baited trap by Areiton

The first time Tony walks into the Trisk, he’s following Tiberius, his eyes downcast, a perfect five steps behind his Alpha. He’s wearing a suit, cut in traditional omega style, because he’s an asset, a part of the display of wealth and power as much as the car they arrived in and the expensive watch Ty is wearing, the deliberate slight of being late and the bottle of wine that hangs from three fingers, careless, like it’s not worth several thousand dollars.

It’s the same display Ty has put on a dozen and more times since they Bonded. The only thing that changes is the location, the Alpha that Ty is trying to impress.

Where Tony ends up. His role in the evening’s proceedings. Those are already determined. This is a business deal and he is the pretty baited trap.

arei’s thoughts: well, I wrote this one but. I’m adding it to the list because I kinda love it. It’s very soft, and a little dark, but the devotion that grows between Steve and Tony is…lovely.