#written on shrooms

[dearduende]

someone to grow with

to grow roots deep into dark places

and also leaves to catch the sunshine

someone to swing from the vines

or read leaning against the trunk

someone to grow around

and dance with, slowly the way trees do

over millennia intertwining their limbs and their roots

someone to nurture the saplings

taking root in the yard

or splashing around at the beach

someone to play and to push me

to paddle out and flow with

to meet on a party wave and grab my hand

tangling into each other beached on the sand

someone to dream with and to build with

we’ve got the bones and each our homes

a little haunted but they’re friendly ghosts

with so much love to fill the rooms

someone to tell stories and sing songs

around a campfire of voices

or humming awake in the morning

or singing together in the kitchen

someone to find resonance with

who can match my vibe and amplify

someone it feels easy with

an honor and a joy and someone

who feels like a blessing

[harmorii]

played mushroom oasis. i desperately need more of him

[two-person-job]

so far we're at. 2.1k words. I'm stopping for the night :)

[lordshroom]

For the ask game!:

3 - 12 - 14 - 16

3. Which is your favorite turtle from any version?

12. Who is your favorite minor or recurring character?

14. Who are your favorite duo (non-shipping)?

(honestly, in any version these two interacting is *chefs kiss*)

16. What was the first TMNT show/movie you ever watched?

[possumteeths]

I love love love new vegas its my fav game EVER but I gotta say that like the way fandom behaves about the honest hearts dlc really does show me how the nuance and subtext themes of this game really fly over ppls heads, maybe its cause im hyper aware of all things mormon but at the heart of the dlc its about a war mongering racist who thinks its his divine purpose to deal with “savage” tribal natives.

Youre not supposed to think he’s based just because he’s an enemy to the legion, the POINT of introducing him to the overall narrative is to reiterate the point that war never changes. Joshua Graham is SUCH a cool character, hes got a lot you can dive into and think about but i’m kinda sick of his fanonized portrayal of “im a good person, who has to do bad things” hes more like “i was a terrible person, I’m still a terrible person” Theres much to discuss when it comes to the mormon themes and like church beginnings, my god can I go off about like mormons and their stupid fucking tribes omg. This DLC kinda has a jokey message once its boiled down to its basics, its poking fun at stupid white mormons in a meta way. Just because Graham spits out some baller lines doesnt mean he’s cool and good. Hes… racist with deeply racist beliefs and ideals, hes MORMON lol.

[jiraimaxxing]

There are millions of words in the English language and yet I cannot come with a single comprehensive sentence that describes the love I feel for this fictional fucking twink. I want to beat him to death with my bare hands.

[cryinglookingatsoulages]

top ten most insanest decisions ever made even m night shyamalan on shrooms couldn’t have written things that happen in louis’ brain on a random thursday afternoon.

[dearduende]

mother nature

like plugging into the motherboard

buzzing along live wires there all along

live wires repeatedly spelled instead

as love, love wires, love wires

there all along only now a download

from the mothership beam me up

and show me the dreams of other beings

show me the dreams within my being

she asks me: my love, what do you dream

and I cannot feel the edges of mine

and her desires where do I begin

when mother is calling

me in from the garden

from the other room

beckoning from the kitchen

with open arms and nourishment

mother is calling

for me to lay a while and rest

mother is calling

for me to play and imagine

keeping me up all night

mother is calling

my name in a million ways

in all my forms and beings

mother is calling

for me to dream

for the dreaming is vital

the dreaming is urgent

the dreams keep coming

to the dreamers who listen

[sneakygreenbean]

so we all know that the 36 Lessons of Vivec is considered Vivec's confession- and apology. But what I think yall are sleeping on is the Fables of Almalexia, both the Homilies and the Fables for morning, afternoon, and evening.

Each story in the four books written by Almalexia ends with a moral or lesson, and it is not uncommon for one of the Tribunal to feature in the stories as well. While a few lessons are based on real world fables (such as the Boiled Kagouti or the Gifted Guar), many of the others had lessons that directly related to the flaws and stories of the Tribunal. I think these fables that likely every dunmer child who went to temple heard, were all confessions of their own, and warnings just the same as the 36 Lessons.

Obviously, I don't care about all of these, you can read them yourself and come to your own conclusions, (hell, even synthesize them with some of the 36 Lessons, that would be fascinating for me to read) but I do want to talk about a few of them.

"Sotha Sil and the Scribs" has the moral "And so Sotha Sil discovered that the idle amusements of one may be the solemn tortures of another.", and looking on Sil's character in The Elder Scrolls: Online it is obvious that he sees mortals- even his own disciples- as somewhat lesser than him. And as a god, this belief is not wholly undeserved. Sotha Sil is significantly more powerful, older, and in many quantifiable ways *better* than the mortals he rules, that's just in the territory of being a god. But when the mortals- the scribs, in the fable- suffer, Sil is at best distant and apathetic, seeing suffering as not only not his responsibility, but also inevitable. Luciana Pullo's diary shows us a lot of what this looks like from the perspective of a mortal, even a powerful, interesting mortal that Sil obviously respects.

in "The Tallest Shroom Beetle", a beetle ""ascends"" by climbing, and is killed by a cliff racer. The moral here is stated to be "forsaking one's nature brings nothing but ruin." which would read as terribly hypocritical if taken at face value. The Tribunal, who were once mortals, warning others not to forsake their natures, to me more likely shows regret than hypocrisy.

In "The Friendly Alit" the lesson we are to learn is that "that which we hate in ourselves is often our greatest gift". Sotha Sil is the easiest to compare this to when we see his relationship with time- more on that later. I have thoughts on Almalexia that cannot be summed in a tumblr post about childrens fables, but believe me when I say I've been thinking about her. Despite this, I don't have an answer for what Almalexia might hate most about herself- she is the member of the Tribunal that we know basically nothing about before she becomes a god, her backstory being swallowed by her marriage to Nerevar. She is basically shown as having no weaknesses, and her actions are difficult to interpret even at face value.

Certainly related is the idea of Almalexia or one of the other Tribunal admitting their flaws (it is worth noting that in the Homilies, Almalexia is directly cited as the author, whereas in the Fables for Morning, Afternoon, and Evening, there is no author given. We have *assumed* that these were written by Almalexia, I mean, her name is on the cover, but it is only listed as a group of fables.)

in "The Crow and the Netch" the moral is "none can change their own weakness". Once again I think this is related to the hindsight we see in "The Friendly Alit", which seems to suggest that, if we are to seriously consider these fables, they might show the regret of the Tribunal. Each sees themself as weak in their own way, and even after sacrificing everything to destroy that weakness, they are still the same.

Related, in "The Child of the Councilor", the lesson learned is "We often forget to be thankful for what we have, when thinking only of what we want."

Many of the Homilies can be seen as confessions of regret, hindsight regarding limitations, and most importantly, flaws. I will probably end up writing an essay on this when i get around to it because I'm really normal

[two-person-job]

alexis you have me writing essays and I couldn't be happier to do so

[absurdthirst]

Better Late Than Never {Marcus Pike x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 18.9k

Warnings: Young musician Marcus, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, confessions, murders, attempted murder, angst, vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, face fucking, mentions of pregnancy/family planning, hostage situation, threats of death, shoots, death

Comments: College is amazing, fun and the best boyfriend, Marcus Pike. You dream of a life together with him. Until you witness a horrible crime and are ripped from the life you know. Years later, a theft at your art gallery brings one Marcus Pike back into your life, revealing secrets and the fact that you never stopped loving him.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Marcus Pike MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“And now, Sex Riot!” 

You start screaming as soon as they announce the band, always willing to cheer your college boyfriend and his band on, especially since this is the biggest gig they’ve ever played. “Yay baby! Whoooooo!” You clap and then put your fingers in your mouth to whistle from your spot at the bar as Marcus, Aaron, Dominic and Anthony immediately start playing the first song. Marcus, sweet and kind, looks like every girl's bad boy dream since you added a little bit of your eyeliner and gelled up his hair. Paired with his lucky t-shirt with the pot smoking ‘shroom, ripped jeans and boots, he looks sexy and you can’t wait to take him back to your apartment after it’s over. 

Marcus finds you in the crowd and grins, winking at you as he plays a few chords to warm up his bass guitar and to check he’s in tune. He looks at the lead singer, Aaron, who nods and Marcus waits for the count in from Dom. He starts to play the song, the crowd starting to jam and he feels the thrill of the performance start to hit him. You are there, grinning up at him and he loves how much you support him for every gig.

You beam as they finish the first song. Clapping and cheering as Aaron greets the crowd. You know that when he gets down, he’s going to want a beer and a kiss and you will give them to him. You are completely in love with him and tonight you are going to tell him.

Marcus is sweating when the set ends, blood racing with exhilaration and he grins as he finds You applauding him, his favorite groupie, and he grins when you blow him a kiss. Fuck, he loves you. He’s gonna tell you soon. Never one to hide his emotions, he’s gonna need to blurt out his feelings soon. He takes his final bow with the band and he finds you backstage after you rush back there, his hands finding your waist and he leans in to press his lips to yours.

Kissing Marcus Pike is like breathing, natural and all consuming. You reach up and tangle your fingers into his sweaty, longish curls. Moaning into his mouth, you don’t even hesitate to press yourself against him eagerly. Only breaking away to breathe and then you nudge your nose against his and grin. “You were amazing, baby.” You gush, giggling when you kiss him again.

Marcus slides his hands down to squeeze your ass. “You enjoyed the show?” He asks and you nod, kissing his jaw as you lean against him. “Fuck, I was nervous to sing backup vocals on the new song. Was it good?” He asks, biting his lip when he pulls back to look at you.

“It was so good, baby. I love your voice.” You nod. “I love when you sing to me.” Grinning, you lift a brow. “Sing in the shower.” You tease, knowing he’s only singing in the shower when you aren’t in it with him. Normally if you come over to his place, you might catch it if he was still in the shower.

Marcus blushes, unaware that you’d heard him in the shower. It makes him wonder if you heard what else he does when you aren’t in the mood for him. “Fuck, you wanna get out of here? I’m not really in the mood for drinks. I want to go back to mine and shower…with you.” He adds, biting his lip.

“Your place?” You nod and kiss him one more time before you turn to grab your purse off the bar. You have already paid for your drink so you are ready to go. Even if the rest of the band stays and parties, it just means that you and Marcus will have the apartment to yourselves since he rooms with his band mates. “I think I want to have the bassist from my favorite band in the shower with me.” You send him a hot look. “So I can show him how big of a fan I am.”

Marcus nods, knowing the rest of the band will be okay with packing up the equipment since he’s stayed late every gig this year. He takes your hand, knowing the guys will bring his bass back, and he tells Aaron that he’s taking you home. “Have fun.” Aaron smirks, knowing exactly why you’re leaving so soon but Marcus doesn’t give him a second thought as he escorts you out to his car. Before he opens the door, he grabs you to push you against the passenger side, his lips finding yours under the street light.

In typical collegiate horny fashion, you have no problem making out with your boyfriend of nearly eight months right there. Feeling him start to harden against your hip only has you even more feral for him. One hand in the pocket of his ripped jeans, the other pushes between you so you can squeeze his thick cock, making him groan into your mouth. “Take me home, Marcus.” You demand. “I want to suck your cock and I can’t do that here.”

Marcus groans, hating to pull away from you but your promise to suck him off is never one he would deny you so he pecks your lips and pulls away from you. Shifting to open the door for you, helping you in before he jogs around the car to get into the driver’s seat. “God.” He breathes out as he starts to drive, trying to focus on the road and not the way you’re looking at him as he drives to his place.

You smirk and slide your hand down to his belt buckle. “Keep your eyes on the road, Pike.” You tease playfully as you unbuckle it. “I can’t wait until we get back to your place to feel you.” You’ve never given road head before, but for Marcus, you would do anything.

“Fuckkkk.” Marcus groans, fingers tightening on the steering wheel as you take his cock out of his pants. “Fuck baby. You’re too good to me.” He groans and you lean down to take him into your mouth. The car swerves slightly and he exhales to control himself and the car.

He’s slightly salty with sweat but like always, he tastes amazing. Musky and heady as you roll your tongue over the tip and pull back slightly before taking him deeper into your mouth. Groaning at his pulsing twitch of excitement. He loves when you suck his cock and you know that the added thrill of driving and being slightly exposed is doing something for you so it must be doing something for him. He had always kind of giggled when you watched movies where the guy gets road head, so you are happy you decided you couldn’t wait.

Marcus hisses when you suck him a little harder, taking him deeper and he swears he nearly cums but he reaches down to caress your cheek, “fuck baby. So good to me.” He coos, struggling to concentrate when you’re hollowing your cheeks.

You hum, happy he’s enjoying it. You know when you get back to his place, he will drag you in the shower and by the time you’re clean, he’ll be ready to go again. Your lips touch the fabric of his jeans and you swallow around his thick length.

Marcus can barely keep his eyes open but he forces himself, moaning again when you swallow around him and he reaches down to pat your cheek. “I’m gonna cum.” He warns you, “baby. I’m gonna cum.”

You smirk slightly, almost pulling off of him to remind him that’s the point of sucking his cock. Instead you double down on your effort, wanting him to cum down your throat. Moaning around him as the jerks and pulses of his cock tell you he’s about to bust.

Marcus pants, fucking glad he’s stopping at a traffic light. “Fuck fuck Fuck.” He hisses as he starts to cum, unable to control himself anymore as he starts to cum down your throat.

You swallow as much as you can, some of it spilling out the side of your mouth but you don’t stop swallowing. Not until every drop has been pumped into your mouth and that little sigh he always gives when he’s done comes out of his mouth. Pulling off of him lightly, you lick your lips and grin as you sit up. “How was that for your applause?”

“Fuck baby. I- just wait till we get back to mine.” He promises breathlessly. “I’m gonna - fuck. The things I’m gonna do to you.” He promises, pushing down on the pedal a little too hard when the light turns green. You tuck him away into his pants and he pulls you up to kiss your cheek, “God baby. You’re incredible.” He murmurs, focusing back on the road so he can rush back to his apartment.

You giggle quietly as Marcus races back to his apartment building, nearly squealing his tires in an effort to get there as quickly as possible. Once parked, you jump out of the car and run towards the building. “You have to catch me,” you tease over your shoulder.

Marcus chuckles, shaking his head and he scrambles to lock his car. He rushes after you, running up the stairs and he catches up to you when you are at his front door. “Gotcha.” He growls playfully, spinning you so he can push you against the door, kissing you with a smile, his hands reaching for your hands to lift your arms above your head, restraining your wrists, his hand slides back down to squeeze your tit, his tongue sliding into your mouth.

You moan into him, enjoying the taste and feeling of him pressing against you. “Marcus.” You pant when he slides his tongue out enough to let you talk. “Shower and then I want to go to bed.” You beg, knowing that you want him inside you, touching you when you tell him how you feel.

He pulls away reluctantly, wanting to touch you but he knows he has to open his door. He grabs his keys, fumbling to open the door with your lips on his neck but he manages, swallowing harshly and nearly stumbling when it swings open. “Get naked. Now.” He demands, needing you, to see all of you.

You giggle at his commanding, desperate tone. Knowing that he is close to losing control and with it, leaving some of the sweetness behind. The best thing about Marcus is that he is so kind in and out of bed, but you like when he is a little rough with you. “Yes sir.” You tease, pouting seductively as you toss your purse down and reach to unzip your dress.

Marcus groans, his eyes hungrily eating you up and he bites his lip when you toss your bra aside, stepping out of your panties. “Fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” He murmurs, kicking off his boots and he pulls his shirt over his head, pushing his jeans down. His cock is still flaccid but his eyes are drinking you in as he pushes his boxers down. “Come on baby.” He murmurs, reaching for you and he takes your hand to escort you to the bathroom. He grabs his body wash from the shelf and turns on the water.

Marcus has a runners ‘or a swimmer’s body. Long, lean lines and limbs. Still powerful, and you take a moment to appreciate that as you watch him. You know you will have to gather your clothes later, but right now you press yourself up against him when you step into the shower together and wrap your arms around his neck. “I missed you today, baby.” He had a test and then one quick half shift at his job before his gig. His parents were funding his college, which was fantastic, but Marcus was responsible enough to still have a job.

“I missed you too.” Marcus murmurs, his hands caressing your back. “Always miss you.” He promises, leaning back so he can look into your eyes. “You enjoyed the show?” He asks, always anxious that he wasn’t good enough. He plays guitar mainly but when Aaron needed a bass player, he stepped up to learn it.

“You were great.” You promise him, sliding your fingers through his hair and tilting his head back to wet it under the spray so you can wash it for him. “Every note was perfect and you looked so sexy up there.” You coo. “All I could think of was how that is my man and I get to go home with him.”

Marcus smirks, eyes closed as you grab the shampoo and his hands squeeze your ass cheeks as you lather up his locks. “Only you. No one else.” He vows, knowing his band mates take home random women but you’re the one for him. He’s never been the Casanova type, always liking to be with one woman, to have a relationship and a deeper connection than a one night stand. You rinse his hair and he leans down to kiss you again, unable to keep away from you.

"Mmmmmm." You smile against his lips and open for him, moaning softly when his tongue slides against yours and he shuffles to press you back against the shower wall. You never seem to get enough of him and you don't think. you ever will. You love him. You have decided that you want to be with him forever and you pull back to smile at him softly. "Only you." You promise back.

Marcus kisses you softly, shifting to kneel down in the shower and he grabs your leg, kissing your knee before he lifts it onto his shoulder. His eyes on you as he leans forward to nudge your mound, his tongue coming out to slide through your folds. He loves how you taste and he wants you to cum on his tongue before he fucks you in his bed.

“Marcus!” You cry out, slapping your hand against the wall and your eyes roll back in your head. Marcus’s tongue is always eager, always seemingly perfect as it carves a path through your folds and flicks over your clit. He sucks it into his mouth and hums, which always makes you moan softly. 

His hands slide up to squeeze your tits, the water flowing over his back and he loves the way you moan his name. He could listen to that for the rest of his life. His hands caress and squeeze and pinch while his tongue dips back down to push inside of you with a groan.

Tilting your head up, you pant his name again, your thigh shaking and barely supporting you without his help to keep you pinned against the wall. “Oh fuck, Marcus.” You chant quietly. “Baby, you’re so good. Fuck, you’re so good.” 

Marcus desperately needs you to cum, his tongue diving deep as his nose presses against your clit. His hands slide down to squeeze your ass, tilting your hips so his tongue can push deeper inside of you.

“Oh shit!” Your body bucks and you cry out wordlessly when your orgasm hits you. Pleasure and heat washing over you in successive waves as he keeps pressing deeper. Tongue curling and prodding inside you and his nose is the perfect pressure against your clit.

He works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your essence and he groans, pulling back to look up at you. Hair slicked back and eyes dark. He shifts to stand up after lowering your leg and he leans in to kiss you again, sliding his tongue into your mouth.

When he pulls back, you giggle quietly. “So glad I have a boyfriend who loves to eat pussy.”

You hum, reaching for the body wash and his shower mitts. Lathering them up quickly, you start to wash his body, eager to get him into bed.

Marcus lets you wash him then he returns the favor, his hands everywhere as he washes you and he groans when your fingers wrap around his hard cock. “So impatient for me.” He jokes softly, rinsing you off. “You wanna come to my bed?” He asks, kissing along your neck.

“Fuck yes.” You pant, stroking his cock with the quick, harsh motion that he enjoys. “I need you inside me, baby. Right now.” You beg.

Marcus reaches behind you to turn off the water, he grabs the towel and wraps it around you, grabbing another one for himself to dry off and then he’s dragging you into his bedroom. He pushes you onto the bed, his body covering yours as he kneels between your thighs, “wanna cum inside of you.” He murmurs, wanting to fill you up. He usually pulls out to be safe despite your birth control but tonight he wants to feel your walls pulsing around him when he cums.

You moan softly, loving the idea. Nodding, you reach up to caress his chest. “I want that baby, I’m safe.” You promise him, also keeping track of your cycle as well as your birth control. “Fill me up, I want to feel it.” You coo, enjoying the low moan as he pushes his cock through your folds and starts to break into you as he rocks his hips forward to kiss you.

Marcus groans into your mouth as you stretch to take him. You’re so fucking perfect. So fucking wet and tight. He closes his eyes as he pushes until he’s inside of you fully. “Fuck, baby girl. I - I love how you feel around me.” He murmurs, kissing along your neck as he gives you a moment.

You close your eyes, a small smile on your face as your fingers tangle into his hair. “I love you.” You murmur softly, knowing that he will hear you since his ear is right next to your lips. It’s the right moment, the perfect moment to tell him how you feel. “I love you, Marcus.”

Marcus pulls back to look at you, eyes wide. “I love you too. Fuck, I love you so much baby.” He promises. His hips start to move as he works his cock in and out of you. “I love you. I love you.” He repeats over and over between kisses to your skin.

You moan quietly as the two of you take sex and turn it to love making. Soft and sweet as he rocks into you and whispers words of love and praise. It makes you feel cherished, you know that he’s not just saying that because you did. Not because he’s inside you. This man loves you and it makes happy tears fill your eyes as you hold him tight.

He moves slow, in no rush despite the frenzy earlier. He wants you to enjoy every second of this. His hand sliding up to squeeze your breast as he shifts his weight onto one elbow so he can touch you. There’s no more words, just feelings as he rocks into you, your legs lifting higher up on his hips.

Marcus can barely breathe, let alone speak. He grunts, sighs, and leans in to press his lips to yours. His tongue sliding into your mouth to languidly kiss you. He can’t believe how lucky he is that you are his and he is yours. Never did he imagine he’d find the love of his life so soon in college but he’s glad he did. He wants to keep you forever. His hand shifts from your breast and slides down between you so he can rub your clit.

“Oh God, Marcus.” You moan, rocking your hips up to meet his hand and thrusts. “So good baby, fuck, I love you so much.” You kiss and suck on his neck, leaving a mark that you are sure will be visible for days, but you have to claim him as yours. “Gonna cum baby.”

Your gasp has him pushing deeper inside of you, desperate for you to cum. He keeps the same rhythm that has you gasping and his fingers rub your clit. "Cum for me, love. Cum for me." He pleads, wanting to feel it and his own orgasm is imminent.

You keen when you start to come apart. Shaking as your cunt locks down around him on the next thrust and you soak him in waves of your fluids. Chanting his name as if it’s the only word in the world. Knowing that you want your future to be with him as he holds you close.

"Fuck. Yes baby. Oh God." Marcus pants when you clamp down on him, soaking him, and he bites his lip, thrusting a little faster as he seeks his own orgasm. He should last, make you cum again, but your confession has him on edge. He groans and buries his face in your neck, his cock buried deep as he cums, painting your walls with his seed.

“Fuck baby.” You whimper, closing your eyes in pure bliss when you feel him flood your womb. It’s crazy, stupid and not something you need, but for a brief second you wish he was getting you pregnant. That you were going to have his baby. It’s insane to think about and you quickly push it away. “I love you.” You whisper again, happy you can say it out loud now.

“I love you.” He murmurs, shifting to kiss you again while his cock pulses inside of you. He feels like he’s on fire and he can’t seem to get close enough to you. You’re everything to him and he knows he’s going to marry you one day. You are the rest of his life. He pulls out of you and shifts onto his back, bringing you into his chest. “I - I wrote a song for you.” He whispers, heart pounding still from both his orgasm and nerves.

Your head shoots up and you look at him in surprise. “You did?” Your hand that is on his chest seems to curl in, wanting to hold onto him. “What’s it about, sing it to me.” You demand, wanting to know what sort of song he would write for you.

Marcus shifts, grabbing the guitar he has propped up in the corner and he plucks the strings for a moment to make sure it’s in tune. He exhales and looks at you, “I love you baby.” He promises and starts to play, his eyes closed as he concentrates and the lyrics begin a few moments later.

Sitting up, you don’t bother to cover your breasts, knowing that it doesn’t matter when it’s the two of you. You listen, with your heart in your eyes and absorb the words that he has created for you. Falling in love with him a little more with every word.

He finishes the song, his hand pausing over the strings as he takes a moment before he looks up to see your reaction. You have tears in your eyes and he worries you didn’t enjoy it. “I- was it - do you like it?” He asks, voice wavering with his nerves.

Surging forward, the covers fall off your lap. Launching yourself at him and trapping his guitar between you so you can press your lips to his desperately. “I loved it.” You promise, giggling happily, almost drunk off the feeling of being in love with him. “I love you. Oh god, you have to make a tape of it for me, so I can always have it.”

Marcus smiles against your lips, so relieved and happy you loved it. “Of course, baby. I’ll make you a tape.” He promises, shifting back so he can set the guitar back on the stand and he reaches for you, pulling you into his arms. “I love you.” He murmurs, burying his nose in your hair to breathe you in.

Marcus curls around you, his face buried in your neck, and he closes his eyes. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, loving how warm you are against him and he dreams of a life together. Of having kids with you, a home, a dog. The whole nine yards.

****

“Yeah, you know Marcus. He’s great.” You tuck your phone against your shoulder as you look through the rack of dresses. He had told you that he wanted to talk you out somewhere special this weekend and to make sure that you were dressed fancy. Well, as fancy as college kids get, but you are excited. “He probably wants to celebrate saying ‘I love you’, and that’s so fucking sweet. I’m telling you girl, I’m so fucking lucky.”

He steps into the store, glancing around at the crowd and he knows that she’s in the changing room. Her location said so. He steps through the racks, making his way into the ladies changing room and pulls out the gun with the silencer. When she steps out to look in the mirror, he wastes no time shooting her, twice in the chest, once in the head. So quick she barely even registers his presence and he grabs the sunglasses and hat from his jacket, turning it inside out to change his clothing and that’s when you step out. You see her on the floor, blood pouring from her and you look up at the man, his face visible after taking off his hoodie and you scream. He raises the gun, about to shoot you for being a witness but then he hears the commotion of people hearing your scream and he needs to get out of the store before the doors are locked. He rushes off and escapes through the crowds who are panicking when they heard your scream. He can’t risk being caught. He won’t get paid. He memorizes your face and knows he has to find you. He can’t be tied to the crime if there are no witnesses.

****

“I didn’t see where he went. No, I didn’t know him. I didn’t know her.” You tell the detectives again. “But I am telling you that it was this man.” You point to the photo you had picked out of the line up they had given you. It’s been hours, taken down to the station when the police had arrived, you had been shown into the shabby, dreary room and given a single cup of disgusting coffee. “Can I leave now? I just want to call my boyfriend and go home.”

The officers glance at each other, knowing there’s nothing more you can do since you have told them the man who did it. “Fine. You can go.” They say, “but call us if you remember anything else.” He hands you his card and you nod, making your way out of the station. Once you’re on the road, you decide to head straight over to Marcus’s place and when you’re on the back road, you wince when you see the bright lights from the car behind you.

“Go around me, asshole.” You huff under your breath and tap your brakes twice. The car gets closer and then back off, blinding you again and making you hiss. The guy is riding your ass and it’s pissing you off. “Fucking pass me!” You yell, happy when the car revs its engine and you think he’s going to pass. Until your car jolts forward and you realize the crazy bastard has hit you. “What the fuck!”

He revs his engine again, hitting your car once more and you cry out, starting to get scared. His lights are still bright in your rear view mirror and he hits you again, making you skid as you lose control of the car.

Your car spins into the guardrail and the old metal gives way, sending your car down into the embankment of the tiny creek you had been about to cross. Screaming, you see your life flash before your eyes and then nothing but blackness.

He pulls over, wanting to check that you’re dead but just as he starts to pull over, there’s a car coming towards him who pulls over to help you. He speeds off, knowing he can’t risk getting out and he is certain that you’re dead. You have to be. The stranger saw everything and manages to get the plate, writing it on their hand before they get out to see if you’re alive. Thankfully, they have a cell phone and manage to call 911 when they find you unconscious and bleeding, the airbags deployed.

****

“I don’t understand.” Marcus frowns as he looks at his phone, his call going straight to voicemail again. He’s been trying to call you all night and you aren’t answering. He’s worried, you had plans to meet up for dinner tonight and you never showed or messaged him.

“She’s gonna be okay, man. Her phone probably died. She doesn’t charge it for days.” He reminds Marcus who nods, biting his lip. “Yeah. True.” He sighs and glances out of the window, his heart pounding as he imagines all the bad things that could’ve possibly happened to you and he decides to phone the police if you aren’t here or call him within the hour.

****

The first thing you see when you blink is doctors hovering over you. Your name is called and your brow scrunches. “Wha-what happened?” You groan and immediately another face appears in front of you. The detective that you had seen just a few minutes ago at the police station. “What- you?”

The detective shakes his head, “I feared something like this would happen.” He says your name and you frown in confusion at the look on his face. “The man we are looking for is in a notorious crime circle. We worry that he will find you again and kill you because you’re the only witness to his crime. We need to put you into witness protection.”

"What? No, no, I have a date with my boyfriend." You blurt out, not even absorbing what the detective is telling you. "We just said 'I love you'. He's going to be so worried about me. Can I call Marcus? I need to call Marcus."

The detective shakes his head, “I’m sorry. No. We don’t know if they are tapping the lines. Your boyfriend might be in danger and it’s best if he doesn’t know anything about what happened. You need to move. We will arrange everything.” The detective promises, “this is for your safety. Your life is in danger. As soon as we catch him and you testify, he’s in jail. You can’t risk your life, sweetheart.”

You argue with the detective for an hour, until he shows you the pictures of the people the man after you had murdered. Gruesome photos, including a wife and daughter. That’s when you agree and reluctantly check out against medical advice and let the detective lead you away.

****

It’s been days since Marcus heard from you. He’s frantic, your parents don’t know where you are. No one seems to know and the police are dismissing him, saying you’ve likely run off. “She wouldn’t do that. She’s not like that.” He argued but they wouldn’t file a missing person report. He is exhausted, hasn’t slept, and he’s been driving around trying to find you but your apartment is how you left it and your roommate is worried too.

“Marcus, I don’t know what the hell is going on.” Tisha opens the door and lets him in. “All of her stuff is here, she’s not in class, her job hasn’t heard from her. It’s like she’s dropped off the face of the planet.” She rubs her hands over her arms. “I’m worried, especially after that murder at the outlet.”

“I don’t know. She - you know she isn’t like this. I don’t understand. I’m terrified. She’s - fuck - I don’t know what to do.” He sits down, head in his hands as he struggles to figure out what to do. He’s been driving around town for days trying to find you. He’s called everyone you know. No one has seen you. It’s like you’ve disappeared from the planet and his heart breaks when he wonders if you’ve left him, decided you didn’t love him or something changed within you and you’ve left him.

****

Fifteen Years Later:

  Living under a new name, having a new life, was supposed to make your life easy. You chew your lip as you sit in your office and wait. The art business was supposed to be low key. Under the radar. You are just a small gallery, although you carried some big name pieces, you are never pictured on the website. Still living under an alias, you know your identity will hold up under light scrutiny, but it still makes you nervous. It’s been a long time, nearly a year, since your handler had called you, letting you know there still is a vague contract out on your life from the asshole you had put behind bars so long ago.

****

“Pike.” Marcus answers his phone, rubbing his forehead as he stares at the file. 

“Sir, there’s been another robbery.” His junior agent tells him and he sighs, “I’ll be right there. Send me the address.” He says and hangs up,getting his keys and he’s soon in the car driving to the address he was texted. 

When he arrives, the police are already there and he introduces himself to the detective. “The gallery manager is right through here.” The detective says and Marcus makes his way into the gallery. When the officer says the alias name, Marcus looks at you and his jaw drops, your real name coming out of his mouth..

Your name, your real name, hasn’t been said in so long that it takes you a moment to respond. The ghost from your past, the man you thought you would never see again and always regretted that, stands in front of you looking like he’s seen his own ghost. Maybe he has. You panic and shake your head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know that person.” You tell him, praying he doesn’t cause a scene, although you know you have to call Marshal Smith now that your identity has been blown. Your life will be completely uprooted and you had liked working in the art gallery. You tell him your cover name, the one you’ve lived with for the past fifteen years.

Marcus stares at you, knowing he’s not mistaking your face. You’re older, more refined, but he’d know those eyes anywhere. “I- no. No. It’s - it’s been fifteen years. It’s you.” He insists, shaking his head.

“I’m afraid you have the wrong person.” You tell him again, wondering how the hell sweet Marcus Pike became an FBI agent. You repeat your new name again for him with a tolerant smile. “Now, what questions do you have for me agent…Pike, was it?”

He shakes his head again, “no. No. I- fuck. It’s you. It’s gotta be you.” He chokes, getting frustrated. “I thought - I thought you left me. Fuck. I - I can’t do this.” He says to his partner and he rushes out of the gallery.

Your heart breaks, the look on his face was one of pure distress and you swallow harshly. “Let me go see if I can clear this up.” You tell the other agent and the detective. You can see they are curious and you know that it doesn’t matter now. Your life here is over. You hurry after Marcus and see him pacing outside. “Marcus!”

He turns away from you, “don’t. Don’t come near me.” He growls, angry with you. “Don’t - you left. You left me. Don’t - don’t play dumb. I’m not interested in your bullshit answers, okay? The change of name. Don’t - you left me. You left town. Disappeared. And now you want to pretend you’re not who I know you to be?”

He rails at you and you close your eyes at the anguish in his voice. The pain, the fear, the heartbreak of those early years coming back to you quickly. “I- I didn’t want to-“ you start to explain but he cuts you off. 

“I don’t want to hear it! You left without the decency to break it off. I thought you were dead.” He is nearly shouting out on the street next to a drab government vehicle and you huff. 

“I am in WitSec, Marcus!”

His eyes widen in shock, “what? You- when-? I- shit. When did you- how?” He stammers, trying to figure out what the hell happened and he needs answers. Now. The years of wondering what happened to you, what he did wrong, what he could’ve done differently.

Glancing around nervously, you lower your voice. “The day I disappeared, I saw something I shouldn’t have.” You explain, quickly telling him about the murder you had walked in on. 

Marcus is shocked. You witnessed a murder. The murder that happened at the outlet mall. You called your friend - the last person you spoke to - to talk about going out for dinner with Marcus. It makes sense. It fits. Your eyes aren’t lying to him. “I- shit. Seriously?” He asks breathlessly and you nod. He knows how the system works, and dealt with enough witnesses to know you’ll be sent across the country. “I won’t tell anyone. No one will know that you’re here. I promise.

You don’t have to tell the Marshal dealing with your case.”

You shouldn’t, you know you shouldn’t, but you like this life here. And it’s such a relief to know that someone knows who you really are. You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach because it’s Marcus. You’ve never stopped thinking about him. “You can’t use that name.” You caution him. “There’s still a contract out for my life.” You reveal. “It’s dormant, but only because there’s nothing for them to use to find me.”

Marcus nods, saying the fake name and it’s weird, it doesn’t feel right when he rolls it around his tongue. “I - I don't want you to have to uproot your life again. God, it’s been fifteen years. I- I never stopped wondering what happened to you.” He promises. “Do you- uh, do you want to maybe get dinner? Catch up?”

You freeze for a moment, surprised by the offer and find yourself nodding. “Sure.” You bite your lip. “But it should be at my place. Just in case.” You know that Roberta had an old photo of you and Marcus together from college and Marcus has obviously matured since then, but you can’t risk it. You glance around the street, a nervous habit you’ve picked up since being in WitSec, and then back at him. “Tonight? Or…uh, whenever you want.” You offer. “You have a life, I’m sure.”

Marcus chuckles humorlessly, “not so much. I- I was engaged and she - well, it’s a long story but she went off with her partner. She was a fed too.” He explains, biting his lip as he glances around, his dark eyes meeting yours again. “Tonight.” He nods, not wanting to miss out on catching up. He doesn’t want to waste a second in case you disappear again. “You wanna, uh, write down your address? I can bring take out.” He offers, grabbing his notepad.

“Sure.” You take the notepad from him and write down your address and hand it back to him. “Seven?” You ask and he nods. “So, I’m going to go back in there and talk to your partner. Tell him that you are upset you mistook me for someone else. Is that okay?”

Marcus nods, tucking the notepad back into his jacket and he swallows harshly, the sun hitting you and God, you haven’t changed. Not really. Still so goddamn beautiful. He clears his throat and gestures for you to go back inside. “I’ll tell him. We still need your story about the stolen painting.” He reminds you, stepping inside after you. “Sorry man-” He slaps his partner on the arm, “I thought she was some girl I knew in college. She disappeared and it was a shock. Not her. Just me being a dumb prick.” He jokes and his partner narrows his eyes but accepts the excuse. “So…you wanna tell us about the painting?”

Being involved with the US Marshals, you’ve learned to give a lot of detail, knowing any little thing can be important. You go through the story and try to be as clear as possible, knowing the security footage will be watched as well.

Marcus watches his partner jot down your story and eventually it’s time to go. He doesn’t mention meeting you at seven but nods your way so you know he will be there. He hopes you still like Chinese food. He leaves with your face burned behind his eyes and he’s soon pulling up outside your house, Chinese food in hand when he rings the doorbell.

You hurry towards the door, not calling out because of habit and checking the peep hole before opening. “Marcus.” You didn’t realize how nervous you were until you are looking at the man you had to leave behind so many years ago. Smiling slightly, you open the door. “Come in, you found the apartment alright?”

Marcus nods, “it’s tucked back here but I found it. I’m surprised they didn’t put you in a more secure building. Like a high risk with a security guard and coded doors.” Marcus says and you shrug, “they did at first but now…you know how long it’s been.” Marcus nods, his heart twisting with that realization. “I got you egg rolls and orange chicken. I hope you still like that.”

“That’s perfect.” You lock the door behind him and lead him back into the apartment. “Can I get you something to drink?” You ask. “I have beer, water, some wine, tea. Whatever you like.” You’re rambling, but that’s because you are nervous.

"Uh, a beer sounds good." He says, setting the bag down on the counter. God, it's awkward and he hates it. It used to be so easy with you. He used to spend all his time with you and now, it's like starting all over again even though he knows so many intimate details about you. "Plates?" He asks and you point to the cabinet while you get a couple of beers out of the fridge. He grabs the plates and sets them on the counter then gets the containers from the bag.

“So, what do you want to know?” You ask, opening the bottles and handing him one. You know he must have a million questions and it’s fair. You disappeared out of his life without a word and the thought that this might be closure for him runs through your mind.

“Everything.” He says, his eyes widening a little as he stares at you. “I want to know what you’ve been up to.” He urges and takes a sip of his beer. “It’s been so long and you just disappeared.”

“When I witnessed the murder, I was in denial about the danger I was in.” You admit. “I had left the police station and was driving to your apartment when that bastard ran me off the road. I woke up in the hospital and the detective insisted I needed protection.” You bite your lip. “They told me it was better that no one knows. That Roberta was known to use family and friends to flush out his targets. I couldn’t put you in danger. So they moved me across the country and created a new life for me.”

Marcus knows how it works, understands now how criminals work and operate, how they find people. He shudders when he imagines what could've happened if they had found you. You hand him a fork and spoon and he opens the containers of food so you can serve it up. "I - I get it but - at that time...I went out of my mind trying to find you. I tried everyone you knew, your parents...do they know?"

You bite your lip. “I sent them an anonymous post card, about ten years ago.” You admit quietly. “Just something so they would know, hopefully, that I was safe. I know I broke their hearts, but the Marshall’s are incredibly strict. Especially since Roberta is coming up for some new trial soon.”

Marcus nods, “I moved shortly after you went missing. Ended up in the academy after graduating and I couldn’t sleep. Spent so many nights wondering what happened to you. Even looked you up in the system when I could. I missed you so much. My best friend was gone all of a sudden.”

“Marcus, I-“ you sigh softly and if you had felt like you could, you would reach out and touch his hand. “I’m so sorry. I spent so long - years - wishing I could call you. To explain. Wondering how you were.” Your apology doesn’t seem like it’s enough, but it’s all you can give him. “It took me a long time to get over you, to stop mourning what might have been.”

He sighs, knowing exactly what you mean. He mourned the loss of you, his future with you, for far too long. “I- I ended up getting married. About eight years ago. It didn’t - we got divorced. She didn’t want to compete with the ghost of you.” He admits softly, averting his eyes from yours.

“I’m so sorry.” Your heart sinks, twists and aches in a way that is ridiculous. You left. Of course Marcus had moved on, and the rational side of you wanted him to. To hear that he had, and not in a way that turned out happily, it makes you sad. “Oh Marcus, I’m so sorry.” You murmur quietly, “maybe it would have been better if he had just killed me. Then you, my parents, none of you would have spent so long wondering.”

Marcus chokes on the sip of beer he drank, shaking his head. “Absolutely not. No. I - how could you say that? I would rather you be alive than me have closure. I have closure now and you’re alive. Never say that.” He almost growls, pissed off at you for even thinking it. “Did you…have you got anyone?”

You snort and shake your head. “How?” You ask, motioning around to your apartment. “I live a life that - while comfortable - isn’t mine. No one knows who I really am. I can’t make too close of friends, because I might accidentally reveal something from my real past. A lover? For more than a night or two? No. I couldn’t lie to them. My last real relationship was you.”

He hates that you’ve been alone but he’s also secretly pleased that there’s been no one since. He still feels that flutter in his heart when he looks at you. “I have missed you so much, baby.” He murmurs, setting his fork down so he can look at you properly, for the first time in fifteen years, he takes in every detail.

You smile sadly and nod. “I’ve missed you too, Marcus. I promise you.” You huff and send him a slightly embarrassed look. “I was halfway convinced I was going to marry you after we graduated. Have babies and you and your band were gonna be famous while I designed all your merch. It was my little daydream for a long time.” You admit. “Never thought you would become a Fed.”

Marcus smiles sadly back at you, reaching for your hand. “God…I- I didn’t - I would’ve taken that life in a heartbeat. I still would. I was- shit - I was gonna ask you to marry me. When I graduated. I was gonna ask you.”

It’s so bittersweet to think about that you didn’t even catch where he said he still would. Caught up in your fantasies that had kept you sane while you were scared and alone, tears start to trail down your cheeks. You squeeze his hand and try not to sob.

Marcus shifts closer, standing up so he can wrap his arms around you. “It’s okay baby. It’s okay.” He promises, leaning in to kiss your hair. “It’s okay.” His own eyes sting with tears as he mourns the years he lost thinking you were dead.

You lean into his embrace and inhale the scent of him. The cologne has changed, matured, but the baseline is still Marcus. “I- I missed you so much.” You tell him. “I wanted to bring you. Wanted to see if you would come with me, but I couldn’t.”

“I know.” He does know. Only spouses and children. Not boyfriends. He sighs and breathes you in, “I don’t want to miss you again. Can we start again? As friends?” He asks, knowing he can’t push for more after you’ve had such a trauma and he has his own baggage he needs to divulge at some point.

Friends. You don’t want to be his friend but you nod as you pull back. “Friends.” You murmur with a small smile. “Friends should eat.” You need a moment where he’s not touching you so you can remind yourself that he’s not yours anymore. Despite the fact that you still dream about him, the boy you had loved is not the man in front of you. “And as your friend, I have to tell you that you are still gorgeous. I don’t know how you became better looking, but you have.”

Marcus can’t help it. He blushes and you giggle at the way he flushes. “You, uh, you look way better. Like - God, you look gorgeous. Always were but you seem more refined, grown up. You’re gorgeous, baby.” He promises and he settles back down at the counter so he can continue eating.

You finish your meal, sighing happily when then put your fork down and pick up your beer to finish the last swallow. “It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a dinner like that.” You admit, standing so you can start to clean up. “You mentioned an ex wife and an ex fiancée, so anything else going on in your love life?” You ask causally. Just because you hadn’t moved on didn’t mean Marcus hadn’t. And if you were going to be his friend, you should know.

“It’s complicated. I haven’t been seeing anyone since Teresa. She’s my ex. She, uh, I proposed to her and then she dumped me for her partner. She’s a fed too. It set me back so I have been just enjoying my alone time recently. No one - no one seems to capture my attention.” He says, looking up at you.

“Someone will.” You predict. “I bet you are still a complete gentleman, until….” You bite your lip, aware making sexual comments is well beyond appropriate. “Until it’s time not to be.” You finish lamely and turn around to load the dishwasher.

Marcus bites his lip, remembering all the times you used to moan beneath him. He was a fumbling college kid then. He knows what he’s doing now. He wonders if you’d like his matured sexuality. “You know me too well.” He chuckles softly and stands to help you when the doorbell rings.

You turn towards the door, a flash of fear washing over your face. That same dread you get every time the doorbell rings when you aren’t expecting someone. “I’m not expecting anyone.” You tell him, moving towards the corner of the dining room where you keep a baseball bat.

Marcus shakes his head, pushing you back and reaching under his jacket in habit until he realizes he locked his weapon in his glove box. He reaches for the baseball bat and takes it from you, slowly inching towards the door and opening it. He prepares to swing but there’s no one there. He steps into the hallway and sees no one around and he turns to look at you. “No one here.” He says, frowning until he sees the note on the door.

Marcus brings the note taped to the door into the apartment and your heart drops. It’s not a letter from the building, and instinctively you know it’s trouble. “Shit.” You hiss, nearly in tears. “I- open it.” You ask Marcus. “What does it say?”

He walks in and locks the door behind him, setting the bat down so he can open the note. His eyes scan it first and he hisses in frustration. “It says…it says ‘you can’t hide forever. We know where you are. The appeal is coming and you won’t testify again. We will make sure of it’.” Marcus finishes, his blood boiling that someone has put this on your door.

“Oh God.” Your stomach flips and you swear you are about to lose your dinner. “He’s found me. I- I have to call the Marshall.” Your mind whirls and the protocols that have been drilled into your head come to mind. “I’m sorry.” For a moment you pause, hating that you had found Marcus again, only to be pulled away again. You will be relocated, disappear again and forced to live another life completely different from this one. “I wish- I wish things were different.”

Marcus shakes his head, starting to panic at the thought of losing you again. “He only knows that you live here. Take time off of work. Come- come live with me. I can protect you. He doesn’t know where I am. Please, baby. I- I don’t want to lose you again.” He knows you’d be safer moving across the country again but his selfish need to have you back in his life makes him give you a desperate plea to stay with him.

“I- wha-I- what?” You shake your head. “Marcus, I can’t- I can’t put you in danger. Roberta had connections. I- I should have called the Marshal just as soon as you recognized me.” You admit quietly. You had selfishly wanted to spend a little bit of time with him. “I would never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me.”

Marcus shakes his head, “no. I’m a goddamn fed sweetheart. I can protect you. Let me protect you.I don’t - I can’t lose you again.” He says, “I can keep you safe.”

Your heart melts and you look down at the letter. “We will need to call the Marshal assigned to my case.”

Marcus nods, heart sinking that you’re going to leave again. He swallows harshly, feeling the second chance at possibly being with you slip away and it kills him. He hates it. “Uh, yeah. I’ll, um, give you some privacy. Where’s your bathroom?” He asks, needing to pee.

You show him towards the bathroom and pull out your phone to call the number you have. Taking a deep breath, you hope they will let Marcus watch over you. Your heart beats wildly as the phone rings.

Marcus stares in the mirror, his eyes wide as he thinks about losing you again. He barely survived the first time he lost you. He isn’t sure he can do it again. He swallows harshly and washes his hands, making his way back into the living room to hear what the marshal says.

“Marcus Pike. Yes- yes I know that is my old boyfriend.” You repeat on the phone to Marshal Scott. “He’s an FBI agent. He’s working on a break in at my art gallery.” You pause, your eyes sliding to Marcus as he walks back in the room. “No, no the break in was about a painting. I didn’t think I needed to call you. Yes.” You sigh. “I know I should have called you when he recognized me, but I didn’t. I just- I wanted to be me for a little bit.”

Marcus leans against your kitchen counter, not wanting to interrupt and he’s nervous about the answer. He knows how this works and he is worried about you disappearing and him never seeing you again, just like before.

“No. No, don’t do that.” You have been watching Marcus this entire time and you decide you can’t leave. Scott wants to relocate you again, like you had expected. “He’s an FBI agent. He said I could stay at his place.” That’s not exactly what Marcus had said, but your improvising. “Yes, I’m declining a relocate.” Another long pause while Scott reminds you exactly what Roberta had ordered for you. “Yes, I know. I know I’m risking my life.” You sigh and relax. “I’ll call you with the details.”

Marcus relaxes slightly, glad that you aren’t relocating yet. The marshal could change his mind but he agrees to it for now. You hang up the phone and Marcus offers you a reassuring smile. “You wanna come to mine tonight or tomorrow?”

“Can we go tonight?” You ask quietly. “I don’t like the idea they know where I am.” You shiver slightly and look towards your windows, thankfully already shut and covered. “I’m sorry. I should have asked if it was okay first.”

Marcus nods, stepping closer to you to place his hand on your upper arm. “Of course we can.” He assures you, knowing you have to be scared after so long on the run. “Come on baby, go pack what you need. I can always come back with you if you need something you forget.”

You nod and quickly make your way into the bedroom so you can pack a bag. You’ll have to close the gallery, but that has already been planned because of the break in. At your underwear drawer, you bite your lip, chastising yourself as you throw some lingerie in it. Knowing that it won’t be used, but you can’t help but want to feel a little sexy around the love of your life.

When you come back out, Marcus is already checking the vicinity outside of your window, discreetly looking for any out of place cars or people. “I think it’s clear but you need to stay close to me. We will get your car tomorrow, it needs to be checked and I don’t want them to have put a tracker on it and us not notice and lead them right to you.” He explains and you nod. “You got everything?” He asks. You nod again and he gestures for you to shift behind him. “Stay five paces behind me.”

Your eyes widen at how direct and professional he is. It’s a turn on if you are honest and he transforms from the sweet man you have loved since you were twenty, to a steely eyed agent in front of your eyes. Staying five steps behind him, you stop when he stops and watch as he scans the parking lot before hustling you to his car.

Marcus pushes you into his car and grabs your bag to put it in the trunk before he makes his way to the driver's side. He gets in and checks his surroundings before he’s pulling away from your apartment complex. “I’ll take the long way home. Looping around just in case someone follows.” He explains and he turns the radio off, wanting to concentrate. “How many times have you moved?” He asks? Wanting to know.

“Four.” You admit, nervously glancing behind you every twenty seconds. “They found me once right after they arrested Roberta. Then they followed the agents when I testified. And once more when an old high school friend ended up being in the same town.” You bite your lip. “When they followed the agents, they killed them.” You don’t want that to happen to Marcus. “Maybe it’s better if you put me in a hotel.”

Marcus shakes his head, fingers tightening on the steering wheel. “No. No. I’m not sending you off. I- I can’t do that. I can’t - I’d never see you again. I know I’m being selfish but I can keep you safe. You just have to listen to everything I tell you.” He says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

Listening to him ramble, you realize how much your disappearance affected him. “I’m so sorry.” You murmur quietly, wanting to reach out and touch him, but it would distract him. “Am I-“ you break off and then take a breath. “Why did you go into the FBI, Marc?” You ask softly. You don’t want to assume that you are the reason that he changed his career goals, but it was a bit of a stretch from music and business - to appease his parents - to being an FBI agent.

Marcus sighs, biting his lip for a moment before he responds back to you. “I- I was so desperate to find you when you disappeared. Just to know what happened. If you were dead or if I did something wrong. I wanted to have closure so I figured that becoming a cop would get me access but I decided to go further and become a fed. Went to Quantico and even when I graduated and started my first job, I couldn’t find you in the system. Business wasn’t going to get me answers. Music certainly wasn’t.”

“I - I’m so sorry.” You can never apologize enough, and you can only hope that his job fulfills him. That he enjoys the work he does. “I wish I had gotten to talk to you one last time before I left. I begged them, cried for weeks and they even had to hospitalize me because I was so sick from crying. My entire world was gone and it nearly killed me.”

Marcus swallows harshly, hating to hear that. “Sweetheart, I wish - there’s so much I would change but I like my job. I like helping people and putting bad guys away. It’s fulfilling and I can help change peoples lives. I wish- I wish it was me who was sent away. I would’ve traded places with you in a heartbeat.”

“This life has been hard, Marc.” You shake your head. “It’s lonely and I wouldn’t wish that on you. You are too social. You like being around people, talking to people too much. And your parents…..” you had loved how welcoming his parents were when you met them. It would have killed them to lose their only child.

He wishes he could turn back the clock. Stop you going to that damn outlet mall and keep you safe with him so he wouldn't have missed you for fifteen years. Marcus nods, knowing he would’ve found it hard but he would’ve done it if it meant keeping you safe. “I - I could’ve dealt with it.” He says, shifting his hands on the steering wheel. “I love - I loved you so much.” He murmurs, pulling into his community.

“I loved you too.” It’s easy to admit, even if all those old feelings are rushing back with astonishing speed. Not that you ever really fell out of love with him. You admire the neat brick of the stately townhomes. “Wow, you found one here?” You ask, knowing that you had never managed to find anything close to this when you had been looking.

Marcus smiles, “yeah. I…I was supposed to move in here with my fiancé but- that one. Yeah. I- I envisioned having a family here and it didn’t happen but it is what it is.” He says, sounding a little sad but he can’t help but mourn a life he could’ve had.

“I’m sorry.” It hurts to think of Marcus with someone else, but it's been fifteen years. You don’t have any claim on him. “Hopefully one day you will have the life you want. I would just love to use my name. My real name. It seems like getting married and having kids is the dream of another life. I used to look forward to it, but now?” You shrug. “Life hasn’t turned out the way either of us wanted it seems.”

Marcus nods, "I know." He murmurs and he kills the engine of his car. "Shall we go inside?" He asks, wondering if you are ready. "I'm gonna get out first and make sure there's no one in the vicinity and then I will get you in, then grab your bag." He says, leaving no room for argument when it comes to your safety.

You nod, watching as he steps out of the car and you clutch your purse. It’s overwhelming, watching his dark eyes roam over the parking lot and then he walks over to you and opens the door. He’s professional, but there’s more to it, this is personal for him and it makes you shiver. Feeling for the first time in fifteen years like you might be safe.

When Marcus opens his front door, he disarms it and locks the door behind you, telling you to wait there while he checks his home hasn’t been found. After sweeping the home, he comes back into the hallway and nods, “all clear.” He says and you make your way into his home.

Marcus’ home is exactly what you would imagine adult Marcus to have. Neat and clean, the furniture is a bit on the masculine side but there are touches of softness. A three wick candle on the coffee table, a soft looking throw over the back of the leather sofa. Comforting and inviting. You wipe your hands on your pants and sigh.

“I hope you like it here. I’m sorry it’s basic. It’s just me.” He chuckles awkwardly. “I can show you to the guest room. Let me grab your bag. I’ll lock the door on my way out.” He says and makes his way back down the hall.

You look around the living room and step into the dining room and kitchen as he opens the front door. Curious about how he lived. You open the fridge door and chuckle, not seeing much and guessing that Marcus still prefers to have someone else cook for him. He wasn’t very good at it. At least he wasn’t when you were together. Though he had all the proper cookware. Cooking had become a hobby of yours, something you could do alone. You close the door and your head turns towards the door as it opens again. Tense and hoping it’s Marcus.

He walks in with your bag, licking the door behind him, alarming the alarm system. He guides you along to his spare room, opening the door. “Hopefully it’s okay.” He says shyly, offering you a soft smile.

“It’s perfect.” It could be the couch for all you care, it’s the thought that counts. Marcus is taking you into his home. “Thank you, Marc.” Reaching out and touching his shoulder, you give him a grateful smile. “I know you didn’t have to do this. Is there any way we could have some groceries delivered? Let me cook for you to thank you?”

Marcus smiles, “yeah. I’d love that. We can arrange for groceries to be delivered.” He promises and shrugs, “I’m still as bad a cook as I ever was. It would be nice to have some home cooked meals for a change. Takeout has me doing more morning runs.” He playfully taps his stomach.

“Whatever.” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “You’re hotter now than you were back then.” You blurt out, feeling your face burn when you realize you said that out loud. It could be wrong, but you don’t think so. Not when Marcus suddenly ducks his head and you swear you see him blush some. “I’m assuming I’m staying here until the threat is gone?” You ask. “No work?”

He nods, “no work. We can’t risk them finding you there.” He says and you sigh but concede. “For the record, you have always been gorgeous. Even more so now.” He says, biting his lip and hoping he didn’t overstep.

“And you still know how to make a girl feel like the only one in the world.” You murmur quietly, stepping closer to him and wishing that it hadn’t been fifteen years since you had last seen him. “Do you know how much that affects a girl?”

Marcus blushes slightly, feeling like a college kid again despite a divorce and a failed engagement. He’s been around the block and he is scared to screw things up, especially when he has to keep you safe. He clears his throat and reaches for your hand to squeeze it. “I have missed you, sweetheart.”

“If it’s not something you want, or you can’t, let me know.” You start off, deciding that you want to take a leap and see if Marcus still wants you. “But…” you step closer. “If I have to be in your house, protected by you….” You smirk and bite your lip. “Wouldn’t I be safest in your bed?”

Marcus swallows harshly, a little nervous but his cock is already hardening at the thought of having you in his arms. He steps closer until his chest is pressed against yours. “I think that would probably be best.” He agrees, “that way I can ensure your well-being.” He murmurs, his eyes darting down to your lips. He knows he’s crossing so many professional lines but fuck, he wants you. “I shouldn’t but-” He surges forward to press his lips to yours, unable to stop himself.

You moan into the kiss, immediately tangling your fingers into his hair and tugging on it like you used to. In an instant, you feel like you are in your twenties again, hopelessly in love and needing your boyfriend. “Marcus.” You whimper, pulling back so you can push his jacket off his shoulders and pause when you see his gun. “Take me to your bed and make love to me.”

He groans, reluctantly pulling back and he takes your hand, guiding you to his bedroom. He flicks the lamp on and works on removing his gun, checking the safety and setting it down on his nightstand before he shrugs out of the holster. He pulls his tie off and reaches for you, grabbing the hem of your shirt to pull it out of your skirt, wanting to touch you after so many years. “God, you’re still so fucking gorgeous.” He murmurs, his eyes drinking you in when you are in your bra.

Your fingers work the buttons of his dress shirt, trying to remember the last time you had been this excited to sleep with someone. You’ve had lovers over the years, the physical needs making it almost certain you would have them, but no one had ever compared to Marcus. “Fuck,” you can see the tent he’s starting to sport, obviously still a boxers man.

Marcus fumbles to unclasp your bra, needing to touch you and when you drop your arms to let him pull it off of you after you push his shirt down his arms, his hands immediately cup your tits. “Have these gotten bigger?” He asks, squeezing them and massaging them.

“Yes.” Your eyes flutter closed as he touches you, managing to blindly push his shirt over shoulders that seem broader than they used to be. He’s in an undershirt, of course he is, and you love it. “I’m bigger.” You joke.

He shakes his head and reluctantly releases you so he can pull his shirt over his head with one hand. Once it’s fluttering to the floor, he’s reaching for you and pulling you against him so he can feel your skin on his. “Forgot how beautiful your tits are.” He says and leans down to kiss along your neck.

“Fuck Marc.” You moan, tilting your head back so he can kiss more of your skin. “You always were a tits man.” You tease him, reaching between you to squeeze his hard cock through his suit trousers.

He groans into your skin, inhaling the sweet scent that’s purely you. Burned into his memory from all those years ago and it’s like coming home. His lips kiss along your chest until he’s taking your nipple into his mouth, his hands caressing your back and sliding down to squeeze your ass as he hunches over you.

Gasping out in pleasure, you pull him towards your breast. Enjoying the way that he suckles and bites, the way he’s remembered how you like to be touched. He switches over to the other breast and he slides his hand around you to start unbuttoning your pants.

Marcus works fast to push your skirt down your legs, groaning your name as he exposes your underwear and he kneels, pushing his nose against your mound. “God, I forgot how good you smell.” He groans and hooks his fingers in the cotton, dragging them down and you kick your panties aside after kicking your shoes off of your feet. Marcus dives back in, his nose pressing into your folds as his tongue slides through them, tasting you for the first time in fifteen years.

“Marc!” Your cry is strangled, almost choked out as you grasp for anything to keep you upright. Hand slapping against the wall as you remember exactly why you loved Marcus’ tongue so much. His skills have only improved with time and you moan when he flicks his tongue over your clit expertly.

His fingers curl around your leg, lifting it into his shoulder so he can get deeper into your pussy. His tongue pushing deep and he groans your name. “Fuck baby. So good.” He murmurs into your flesh when he pulls back for a moment, “always tasted so good.” He dives back in and slides his tongue through your folds, sucking your clit into his mouth.

Having Marcus eat you out is like a gift from God. Most men are lazy with it, or refuse to go down on someone even though they expect a blowjob. Marcus eats pussy like he was born to do it, like it’s his favorite sport in the world. Making you shiver when he groans into your folds and your leg trembles as he pushes you closer to cumming.

He pushes you further into the wall, keeping you upright and his hand slides along your leg and up your body to squeeze your tit, pinching your nipple and his other hand slides between your legs, pushing two fingers inside of you with a groan. He desperately wants you to cum for him now.

“Oh fuck, Marc baby, baby, I’m gonna cum.” You moan, your head hitting the wall with a thud and your entire body lurches forward. “Shit, gonna- gonna cum.” Your walls clench down on him and you wail his name as you soak his fingers.

Marcus hisses into your flesh as you clamp down on his fingers, soaking them, and he sucks on your clit a little harder, wanting to absorb every second of your orgasm after so many years apart. His fingers pump inside of you and he pulls his mouth away when you start to shove on his hair and he tilts his head up so he can watch you as you cum.

Desperate little gasps rip out of your throat as he keeps your body jerking and twitching for him. Knowing exactly where to press inside you cunt in order to push another sob out of you. Your eyes are closed and you start chanting his name. “Marc, Marc, Marc baby, please.”

He wants you to cum again. His fingers keep pressing and pushing inside of you, his lips kissing along your thigh and he presses his thumb against your clit. “So good for me baby.” He murmurs, needing you to cum for him.

Your eyes spring open when you realize he wants you to roll straight into a second orgasm. “Fuck!” You squeal, feeling your walls bear down on his fingers again and your body shakes as you come apart.

His fingers curl and he kisses your stomach as he enjoys the way your walls are fluttering around his fingers. He adds a third, stretching you out and his thumb rubs your clit a little harder, “so pretty. Never forgot how pretty you are like this.”

“Marcus.” You groan. “I need you.” You reach down and try to pull him up so you can kiss him. “I want you inside me.” You beg. “I have an IUD and it’s been over a year since I’ve been with anyone. More like two.”

“Cum on my fingers and I’ll fuck you.” He promises, kissing your stomach again and his free hand reaches for yours to grip it. “Cum for me again.” He pleads, wanting to see you do it.

“Three?” You gasp out, holding onto his hand like a lifeline as you try to stay upright. Your leg threatens to give out as he continues to pump his fingers into you deep and precise. Pressing against that special spot again. Your breath echoes in your ears until stars burst behind your eyes and you scream out his name.

He nearly loses it when you cum again, clamping down on his fingers and he works you through it until you are slumping over him. He withdraws his fingers, surging forward to press his lips to yours as your leg is still wrapped around his waist as he presses you against the wall while his tongue tangled with yours.

You moan, tasting yourself on his tongue and not minding it one bit. Wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close. Needing to feel him against you as he presses you into the wall.

Marcus needs you. He scrambles to pull you along with him and soon he’s laying you down on his bed, working on his pants to push them down. He groans in relief at finally having his cock free and you whimper in response at seeing it again. He kicks off his shoes and hops out of his pants, eventually ending up kneeling on the bed.

“God, I missed you.” You whisper, drinking in the sight of him. He’s filled out, not quite as skinny as he was in college. Broader and stronger and he still turns you on more than any other man you’ve ever been with. “Come to me, baby.” You reach out for him, wanting to feel him again.

Marcus can’t deny you anymore. He shifts between your legs, his chest heaving as he grips his cock and notches himself at your entrance. His dark eyes meet yours in the lamplight as he starts to push inside of you. Shifting to his forearms so he can press his lips to yours.

It’s overwhelming and perfect. Your lips melting against his as the girth of him stretches you out. Filling you perfectly like you’ve never been able to replicate with anyone else. Your eyes flutter closed and all you can do is moan your pleasure.

He slides his tongue against yours, enjoying the way you seem to melt beneath him. There’s so much he wants to say but he can’t. He can’t tell you how much he loves you when he can show you. He moves his hips, setting a slow place, his lips shifting to kiss down your neck.

Instead of being frantic and rushed, you find the pace turning slow and steady. Making you groan as you start to rock you hips in rhythm with him. Your fingers caress his back and you feel the muscles dance underneath the skin. “Marcus.”

He should be frantic but after so many years without you, he just needs to feel all of you. He moans your name into your skin, his cock twitching inside of you when your nails dig into his back when he hits something deep inside of you. “Missed you. Missed this so much.” He murmurs, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I missed you too, baby.” You promise him, closing your eyes and smiling as he moans again. “Fuck, I - I love you.” You confess. “I’ve never stopped, it’s always been you.”

Marcus swears his heart stops at that moment. “Always been you.” He echoes, “I love you. I love you. Baby, I love you.” He declares breathlessly and his pace gets a little faster with his need to see and hear you fall apart beneath him again.

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you moan his name again. “I love you.” You pant. “Marcus, I love you. Oh, it’s so good.” Your nails dig into his shoulders and your cunt squeezes him tight. “Baby, I’m gonna cum.”

You gasp and he keeps the pace and thrust of his hips the same, not wanting to change when you tell him you’re about to cum. He wants to feel it. He wants to feel you soak him again. “That’s it sweetheart. Do it. Cum for me.”

You want to stay in this moment forever. The way that his body is slick with sweat and his grunts as he rocks into you. The warmth of his breath washing over your skin and the throbbing of the veins in his cock against your walls. Still, he had begged you to cum and that’s all you can. Your body primed for it and the next thrust as your back arching and your cry ripping from your throat.

“Fuck.” Marcus pants when you clamp down on his cock. It’s so good and he loves it. He loves everything about this moment. It’s more than anything he’s experienced since you disappeared from his life. Even his marriage could never have lived up to this. He groans, knowing he should try and make you cum again but the emotions are too much and he’s soon pushing deep inside of you, cock twitching as he paints your walls with his hot seed.

Once he collapses on top of you, you can’t help but giggle. Relief, joy and happiness all roll together to make you try to catch your breath while you stroke his back and kiss his shoulder and neck. “God. I have to be dreaming.” You giggle. “This is the best dream and I don’t want to wake up.”

Marcus shifts onto his back, bringing you with him and his cock is softening inside of you. His hands rubbing your back. “Me neither. I never want to lose you again.” He murmurs, eyes closed as he breathes you in.

You hum in agreement, unable to believe that you are back in his arms and you close your eyes. Relaxing into a deep sleep, finally feeling safe for the first time in fifteen years.

Marcus holds you as you fall asleep, not able to fall asleep just yet and he shifts carefully to lay you down. You stir without his heat but he’s quick to cover you up. He sneaks into the bathroom, wetting a rag to clean you up and covers you with the duvet again. He checks the windows and doors, making sure the home is secure and the alarm is set before he grabs two bottles of water and sets one down on the nightstand for you. He slides under the covers and you immediately reach for him, curling into his chest. Wrapping his arms around you, he breathes you in and closes his eyes; deciding then and there that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.

****

Glancing at the clock as you stir, you wonder when Marcus will be home. Grinning to yourself as you realize that you think of this townhouse as home. It’s only been a few days, but if you are scared, you don’t feel like it. You’ve been puttering around the house when he has to leave, curling up with him when he’s here. It’s been magical and it makes you yearn for the life you would have had together if you hadn’t been put into witness protection.

Marcus is exhausted, rubbing his forehead as he stares at the latest security footage where he’s trying to find Roberta. On top of trying to find the art thief, he’s personally working to try and find the gang making you conceal from the world. He feels guilty that he’s loved having you in his home, coming home to you every night. It’s like living a fantasy of what if he had proposed and you hadn’t disappeared. He loves it. He loves you. It’s hard to remind himself that you’re in danger and he has to help you otherwise it could be your life. He glances at the clock and decides to call it a day, wanting to go home to you.

The table is set and there’s a bottle of wine open to breathe. It might be a little over the top for a Tuesday night, but you have nothing else to do but work on some recipes that you have been wanting to try. A little romantic and it pairs well with the lingerie that you had decided to put on under your dress. Feeling a little like a 1950’s housewife when you hear the designated three raps on the door to say that Marcus is home.

Marcus unlocks the door, disarming the alarm and resetting it with his entrance and he makes sure the door is locked behind him before he sets his briefcase down and makes his way into the kitchen. “Hey sweetheart. God, that smells good.” He groans, looking over at the stove and he reaches for you, dragging you into his chest so he can press his lips to yours.

“Hey.” You light up when you see him again. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving. I can eat too.” He teases, smirking at you and you giggle and slap his chest. “I love you.” He murmurs, nudging his nose against yours, “can’t believe I get to come home to you every night.” He confesses, “feels like a goddamn dream and I’m gonna wake up at some point.”

“I do too.” You agree softly, your hand sliding down to caress his cheek. “It’s been such a treat, as horrible as that sounds. I know I can’t go outside and my life is in danger, but I get to have you.” You lean in and kiss him softly. “How was your day, baby?”

“Don’t worry baby. I’m gonna find him. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” He promises, leaning in to kiss you softly again. “Day was…laborious. I was going over the security footage and files for both cases and I- I am trying to run through accounts but the bureaucracy slows me down.” He confesses with a frown.

“Then it sounds like a good meal and a relaxing night is just.” You kiss his chin. “What.” Your lips brush his cheek. “You.” Another to his nose. “Need.” You smirk as you kiss his lips. “I’m thinking that after you eat, you need a nice, long, luxurious blow job to put you at ease.”

Marcus chuckles, his hands sliding down to squeeze your ass. “You’re too good to me, baby.” He shakes his head, “as long as I get to eat you out too.” He murmurs, leaning in to kiss along your jaw just as the timer for your cooking goes off. He smacks your ass, “I’ll pour the wine and I’m doing the washing up. You are gonna relax after.” He insists, shrugging off his jacket to hang it in the hallway before he comes back in to get the bottle of wine.

You would protest, but you’ve cleaned as you cooked, so there’s only the final dish and the plates that would need to be cleaned up. You rush to plate up dinner and admire him as he rolls up his sleeves to pour the wine after he pulls off his tie. It’s a nice night, the two of you and a good meal, some wine and continuing to learn about each other’s lives while you’ve been apart. “Oh, before I forget, I called Scott today. Checked in. He’s still not happy, but he says you have been keeping them in the loop, so he’s content to leave me here.”

Marcus nods, setting the wine bottle down. “I know he’s not happy but it is what it is. We haven’t had any notes or any threats since you’ve been here. We’ve had a man outside your place since you left and they haven’t seen any activity. I think you’re safe. No, I know you’re safe.” He tries to assure you, “and I swear to you I’ll find the bastard and his team.”

“I know you will.” You’ve learned a lot about his career and exactly how good of an agent Marcus is. “I’m honestly-“ you shrug. “I’m happy right here. I know I’m probably intruding on your personal space, but I’ve been as relaxed as I could possibly be, given that someone is trying to kill me.” You joke.

Marcus shakes his head, reaching for you. “There’s nowhere else I want you to be than right here with me. I was selfish. You’d be safer across the country but I - I couldn’t lose you again. I love you so much.” He says, leaning in to kiss your forehead again.

Marcus chuckles, letting go of you so you can both sit down to eat. He groans at the sight of the meal you’ve cooked and his stomach rumbles. “I gotta get bigger pants. I haven’t eaten this good since I left my mom’s house.” Marcus chuckles, picking up the serving spoon. “You are too good to me.” He murmurs, looking up to meet your gaze and he serves your plate first.

“Not with all the exercise you’ve been getting.” You tease, sending him a small wink. Every night Marcus has exhausted you. Fucking you in every room of this townhouse and almost every surface with his insatiable appetite for you. Both of you collapse into bed to sleep in each other's arms. It’s like you’re twenty again. “Still sexy and fit.”

He can’t help but flush as he serves himself and sets the spoon down. “The exercise has been keeping me fit.” He says while blushing and he reaches for the glass of wine. “To still being sexy and fit.” He toasts and you clink your glass with his. “I know you are getting bored in this place. I’m doing everything I can to get this bastard so you can have your life back. See your parents. Your friends. I’m doing what I can.” He promises after you have finished eating.

“I would love to see my parents.” You admit, reaching out and gasping his hand. “Would you- would you come with me?” You ask. “When I go to see them? Explain what happened? I understand if you can’t, you’re putting off so much to help me.”

Marcus nods, “of course. Of course I’ll be there. Baby, what - this is-” He swallows harshly and squeezes your hand, “every day I allow myself to believe that this is our life together. I have a little fantasy that I’m coming home to my wife. To our family. I imagine us having a child or two. I- I want this to be forever. Like I wanted it to be forever fifteen years ago. It’s always been you.” He promises, feeling guilty for being married and engaged but those failed because those women never matched up.

He’s apologized to you for not looking for you harder, for moving on. All things that you never expected and don’t want him to be upset over. Those expressive eyes search yours and you smile softly. “It’s been my little fantasy too.” You confess. “When you find Roberta and I can be myself again, why don’t we make that a reality?” You ask. “Would you marry me, Marcus?”

“In a heartbeat.” He assures you, “I’d marry you tomorrow if I could. I- I was going to, you know, I was going to propose not long after I played you that song. I always imagined my life with you. No one else. Even when I was married, I thought of what could have been. I want to marry you.” He promises, “and I will. I’ll get Roberts and you can be Mrs. Pike. Have the life we should’ve had.”

You can’t help but grin, leaping up from your chair so you can rush around and press your lips to his in a greedy kiss. Feeling like every dream you’ve created to keep yourself sane is coming true. Marcus is your knight in shining armor and you want nothing more than for him to rescue you. “Whatever you need me to do, to help you put this behind us, I’m willing to do.” You promise him. “I want to start my life with you.”

Marcus pulls you into his lap, cupping your cheek so he can kiss you again. “I love you.” He murmurs, nudging your nose, and he will do anything he can to keep you safe. Even if it means laying down his own life. He will do it to keep you safe.

“Baby, don’t worry about cleaning up, let’s go to  bed.” You beg, caressing his cheek. “I need you. I need you so much.”

Marcus can’t refuse you. He nods, shifting to stand up with you and he takes your hand, dishes abandoned as he guides you to the bedroom, your now shared bedroom. When he is holding you after you’ve made love and you’re asleep, he’ll stare at the ceiling, trying to think of anything that he read in the files to help him catch the bastard that’s after you. 

You decide that you don’t want Marcus to undress you. Pulling away from him with a smile, you’re happy you decided on a wrap dress that is easily removed. Most morning Marcus leaves you in the bed, pulling away quietly so he doesn’t disturb you and when you wake up, it’s because of the shower. So he didn’t see the lingerie you had chosen for him.

Marcus groans when you unravel your dress. His eyes drinking in the silk and lace clinging to your body and his cock is now throbbing in his slacks. “Fuck baby. You look so good.” He murmurs, “so good. I’m so lucky to have you.” He declares and surges forward to wrap his arms around you, pulling you close so he can press his lips to yours, pushing the dress off of your shoulders.

Moaning softly, you smile into the kiss, just as eager. Just as wanting as Marcus. Your fingers memorizing how many buttons it takes to strip off his smart dress shirts. Eager to feel his warm skin underneath. “Make love to me Marcus.” You beg. 

He won’t say no, couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. He wants you. Fuck, he wants this for the rest of his life. When your hands touch his chest, he groans your name and he unclasps the pretty lace bra, “so pretty. Look so pretty in this.”

“I think you like me in anything.” You tease him, giggling quietly. “But you love me in nothing.” You work on his belt to unclasp it and unhook his pants to reach down and squeeze his cock. Groaning when you feel how hard he is.

“Love you in anything and nothing at all. Love every inch of you.” He promises, “I love you. You.” He murmurs, sliding his hands along your back and then your arms as he slides the straps down your arms until he’s ducking down to take your nipple into his mouth.

There’s something about Marcus, he’s thorough. He wants his partner to be satisfied and he finds what makes them tick. Your moan of his name is soft, accompanied by your wrist twisting, starting to pump his cock as best you can. “Baby, no foreplay. I just need you.” You whine.

He whines back, having wanted to eat you out but he doesn’t deny you. He nods, guiding you back towards the bed and he lays you down while he shrugs out of his pants and throws his clothes on the floor. His hands trail along your legs until he’s hooking his fingers into your panties to drag them down.

“Marcus.” You whimper, rocking your hips up as he stands straight and strips his trousers down. His boxers have a large tent in the middle with a wet spot and you groan at the sight. “Fuck, I want you to fuck me, but I want to suck your cock.”

Marcus smirks, “tell me what you want baby. Whatever you want is yours. I’m yours.” He promises and reaches down to shove his boxers down. His cock bouncing as he kicks them aside.

 “Fuck.” You moan, biting your lip before you turn around and tilt your head off the end of the bed. “Fuck my throat, baby. I want to feel you gag me before you fuck me stupid tonight.” Making love takes various forms, after all. 

“Jesus. Such a dirty little girl, aren’t you?” He coos, shuffling closer and he caresses your neck before gripping his cock. He pushes the head between your lips and you take him inside of your mouth, making him groan. “So damn good.” He murmurs, watching you as you take him deeper, his hand immediately going to your neck so he can feel the bulge from his length.

You moan, enjoying the look on his face until your vision is blocked by his body. Letting him use your throat as you try to open it up more for him. Marcus is girthy and it’s a lot, tears leaking out of your eyes and rolling back into your hair, but you love it.

“Jesus Christ. This is - fuck. You’re gonna make me cum.” He grunts, pulling out of your mouth. He wants to try that again another time when he can properly fuck and cum down your throat but that night isn’t tonight after you’ve confessed you want a future with him. You pant, trying to catch your breath and he caresses your cheek. “How do you want me?” He asks, wanting you to decide.

So much of the time, Marcus is in control. Giving you pleasure and making sure that you enjoy yourself. Right now, you want to take care of him. “I want to ride you baby.” You decide, sitting up and reaching for him. “Let me take care of my future hubby tonight.” You coo, grinning at how that sounds.

He grins, nodding as he shifts to lay down on the bed, watching you move to your knees. “Come here, my love.” He beckons you over, needing to feel every emotion he’s withheld over the past fifteen years. He wants you to take what you want from him.

You go eagerly, crawling up his body and dropping random kisses. There’s nothing about Marcus that you don’t love. When you straddle his waist, your waist no time in dropping a kiss on his lips while you reach between the two of you to grasp his cock and quickly sink down on him.

“Shit.” Marcus hisses, his heart about to beat out of his chest and he swears he could die then and there and be a happy man. His hands find your hips as you take all of him inside of you and he groans your name, surging up to deepen the kiss as his tongue slides into your mouth.

You start off slow. Rolling your hips while you groan into the kiss. Circling them and clenching down on Marcus to hear the lovely little gasp he gives. Your fingers find his hair and you swear you could live right here. “Love you.” You promise, sliding your hands onto his chest and pushing upright. “Whenever someone touched me, it felt so wrong. You’re my love, my lover, my soulmate.”

Marcus slides his hands along your back as you start to rock on his cock. "I love you. I love you so much, sweetheart." He murmurs, caressing you and his dark eyes watch you as you move on top of him. "You're everything. My everything." He promises, heart thumping in his chest.

“One day I want to have your babies.” You promise him, moaning softly at the thought. “You were made to be a daddy, and I can’t wait to see you holding our baby.” You clench down around him again at the thought.

Marcus groans, cock twitching inside of you at the thought. "Fuck." He grunts, hands sliding down to squeeze your ass. "Fuck yes. I want - God, I want to get you pregnant." He confesses, "always imagined you as the mother of my children."

You know it ticks off some primal things for Marcus, it does for you too. You moan softly again and rock forward to kiss him. “I want that. At least two.” You pant into his mouth, imagining the two of you as new parents. Building the life you had daydreamed about when you were incredibly lonely.

“At least.” He agrees, knowing he won’t be able to keep his hands off of you when he gets you pregnant. “God, I love - I can’t not love you. Haven’t stopped since you left. No one was you. They were never you.” He confesses, helping you rock on his cock.

Your heart melts at that sentiment. Smiling against his lips as he continues to help you ride him. Slowly speeding up to where his cock hits perfectly inside you. Feeling him twitch every time he is seated deep as if he is ready to fill your womb with his seed.

"Are you going to cum for me, sweetheart? What do you need? Tell me what you need to soak my cock?" He asks, wanting to feel it, he needs to feel it.

“Just you baby.” You gasp, slapping your hands down in his chest and starting to rock faster. “Gonna cum baby, fuck, you feel so good.” You moan. “So full, fuck, you’re so thick, baby.” You always love how thick he is and how well he fills you up. “Love you, so fucking much.”

“That’s it. That’s it sweet girl. Fuck, that’s it. Cum for me.” He begs, sweat beading on his forehead as he watches you rock your hips a little faster. Those little whines and whimpers escaping your mouth tell him you’re close and he slides his hand down to rub your clit.

Your toes curl and you cry out, your orgasm slamming into you and making you lurch forward. Collapsing again this chest and chanting his name over and over as your body spasms.

Marcus groans at the way you clamp down on his cock and he moves fast to lay you on your back. Grabbing your thighs to lift them onto his waist so he can sink deep into your quivering cunt. He groans your name, his cock twitching inside of you as he gets close but he needs you to cum more time for him.

“Baby!” You squeal, feeling your body tense up as you ride out your orgasm. You would beg him to cum but you can tell from the look in his eyes that he has no intention of cumming until you do again. Marcus prides himself on making you cum multiple times. “Fuck baby.” Your nails scratch down his back and you tighten your thighs around him, closing your eyes and feeling your core start to tighten again as he rockets you to another orgasm.

Marcus pushes deeper, harder, the affection from before replaced with pure lust. Driven by the need to claim you, he thrusts into you over and over again. “Cum.” He chokes, needing to feel it and when you clamp down on his cock for the second time, he can’t help but paint your walls with his hot seed as he orgasms with you.

Moaning his name softly, you stroke his back as he groans. Enjoying the softness of his embrace as you both start to relax. “I love you.” You murmur quietly. “I can’t want to start our life together.”

Marcus presses his forehead to your chest, breathing you in, and he murmurs, "me too baby. I can't wait. Once you're safe, it's the two of us for the rest of our lives." He promises, kissing along your neck. "I love you."

After you’ve cleaned up and settled against Marcus, you fall asleep. Wondering when the shoe is going to drop and worrying that you might lose him again.

****

Marcus checks the time, knowing he should be calling you to touch base. He likes to call every hour or so to make sure everything is okay at home. He picks up his cell, dialing the burner phone he got you and he waits for it to ring. No answer. Weird. He doesn’t like that. He tries again. No answer.

At first, you thought Marcus was home, until there was no rap at the door. Abandoning the meal you were prepping, you grab your phone, your heart pounding in your chest as you race up the stairs as quietly as you can. Reaching the second floor just as the door opens and the blare of the alarm sounds out, though it’s quickly silenced. The phone buzzes but all you can think is that you need to hide, as fast as possible and call Marcus. It’s seems as if you’ve been found.

When you finally answer the phone, Marcus can’t help but ask if you’re okay. Frantic when you answer and don’t actually speak. “Baby. Tell me. Tell me if you’re okay. Please. I -talk to me. Talk to me.” He begs, needing to hear that you’re okay.

Your mouth is dry and you can barely whisper. “Marcus.” You manage. “He’s here. Someone’s in the house.” You try to keep your voice as low as you can, terrified that you will give away your hiding spot under the bed.

Marcus’s blood runs cold when he hears your whisper and he fears for your life. He grabs his work landline, dialing his team to get people over to his house right away. He’s terrified for you. “Just hold on baby. Stay on the phone. I’ll be right there.” He promises, standing up from the desk so he can get home.

“Hurry.” You breathe out, turning the volume down and holding your breath as you hear the first signs of someone downstairs since the alarm went off.

Marcus shoves himself away from his desk, heart pounding as he rushes towards his car after telling his team about how he has to get to you. He can’t lose you again. His heart pounds and he speeds, his team following as he gets to his home in record time.

You never realize how loud you are when you breathe until you are trying to be completely silent. Scrunching back under the bed as far as you can go and slowly sliding the storage boxes in front of you so you are well hidden. Listening for the creak on the third stair that Marcus groans about having repaired.

Marcus has you on the phone, having switched lines for a mere moment  

to get a team to his house within the next ten minutes. He speeds along the roads of D.C to his home, running through reds with no care except that it’s clear. “I’m coming baby.” He promises, “I’m coming.”

You can’t acknowledge him, too terrified to make a sound as you hear someone creep up the stairs. Your blood runs cold when you hear a voice say your name. “I’ve been looking for you. Come out and I’ll kill you quickly.” He taunts. “Make me find you….well, I’ve been in prison a loooooooong time because of you.”

Marcus drives faster, pulling into his neighborhood and he hears your scream. Slamming his brake, he puts the car in park, uncaring of his engine still running as he grabs his gun and rushes through the front door. He freezes when he comes across Roberta, his gun pressed against your forehead.

He had found you, screaming and fighting, he had dragged you out from under the bed with a curse and hopefully a bruised shin. Until he had pressed his gun against your forehead and ordered you downstairs. Feeling like you were going to die. Until the door opens and Marcus busts in. “Marc!”

Marcus’s finger is over the trigger. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Pike. I’ll blow her pretty head off. I want you to know that I’ve been watching. Listening. All those little promises of the future. Having kids. Getting married. It’s so sweet it’s sickening.” He coos sarcastically. “And now that future is gone.” He says and Marcus shakes his head, “you’ve served your time. You could walk away. Leave her alone.” He counters and Roberta growls, “no! She is the reason I served so long. She’s gonna die.” He promises, pushing the barrel into your head.

You squeeze your eyes shut and then you have to open them. Needing to see Marcus one last time. The idea that this man has been stalking the house, listening to your conversations and plans for the future, listening to you making love, is sickening. “I love you Marcus.” You promise him, watching his eyes slide from Roberta to you. “It’s always been you. Always.”

Marcus feels like he’s gonna be sick. “She hasn’t done anything. She’s been alone for so long. She has suffered enough. You both have.” He lies, “let her go and you won’t be arrested. You can walk free. Start again. I won’t come after you. Just let her go and you are a free man.”

You feel the tension rising in the room. Something is about to happen. Something that will end in the death of one of you. “If it weren’t for her, this bitch, I wouldn’t have gone to jail!” Roberta hisses and you know he won’t walk away. He won’t quit until you are dead. You remember one self defense move that had been taught to you by the Marshal’s office. Playing dead. “I’m sorry.” You tell him, watching his eyes slide from Marcus to you and you let your knees give out and drop to the ground.

Roberta isn’t quick enough and the gun goes off, embedding the bullet in the wall. The next thing you know, Marcus’s team are storming the house and they don’t waste time killing Roberta. His head jerks back as the bullet enters his head. The gun falls to the floor and Marcus is quick to grab it.  Marcus pulls out the magazine and empties the chamber, the bullet rattling to the floor. The bullet that could’ve killed you. He reaches for you once Roberta is dead on the floor and he pulls you into his arms. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You’re shaking. Once the guns started firing, you flinched in anticipation of the killing shot and now you can’t stop shaking. “I- I- I don’t- I don’t know.” You admit truthfully, throwing your arms around him and starting to sob as the reality of what could have happened hits you.

His hands check you over, rubbing your body to see if you’re hurt and when he doesn’t see any damage, he’s pulling you back into his arms, kissing your forehead. The team wants you out, into the van and away so they can check Marcus’s home. “We are going to a safe house for a couple of nights. The team will check the house for any bugs or anything I didn’t pick up on. And clean it up for us.” Marcus explains once you are on the way.

“I didn’t go out.” You stress, almost desperate for him to believe you. “I didn’t call anyone and tell them where I was. No one.” You cling to him, unable to let him go as you try to calm yourself down. “I promise, I didn’t.”

Marcus shakes his head, “it’s not your fault baby. These people…they have ways of finding out where you are. It’s not your fault.” He promises, “he found you and now he’s dead. It’s over. You can reinstate your identity.” He tells you, “you can be you again.”

“I can be me.” You whisper softly, eyes wide when you realize that it’s truly over. After fifteen years, you are finally free. “Oh my God.” Happy tears fall down your cheek and you start to giggle.

Marcus grins, relieved for you and happy after knowing everything you’ve been through. “I love you so much.” He murmurs, caressing your cheeks, “you can see your parents. You can - you’re free.”

“Marry me.” You beg quietly. “As soon as I am legally myself, I want to be Mrs. Marcus Pike.”

Marcus’s eyes widen and he nods, “yes. Yes. God - baby - as soon as we are able to, I wanna marry you.” He promises, leaning in to kiss you softly, his thumbs wiping away your tears.

You smile, unable to believe that your life has taken such an incredible turn. Your future had been changed by a madman, forced into hiding and completely altering your path. Somehow brought back to Marcus by complete coincidence and now, you are able to take your life back and spend it with Marcus.

****

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The officiant declares and Marcus surges forward to kiss your lips, his hands tenderly cupping your cheeks. The crowd cheers, made up of your parents, his parents, and the friends you have made together since Roberta was killed and the ones from college who were shocked to see you after you made your official appearance back in the world. It’s been a long journey, fifteen years in the making, but you and Marcus are finally where you were meant to be all along. Married and in love. Next thing on the agenda? Getting you pregnant.

[userpedros]

wash your hands || joel miller

joel miller x female reader

summary: you run into dads best friend joel when he comes to pick something up from your fathers. (the shrooms never existed in this and they ate the birthday pancakes and all was good ok)

warnings: 18+ this is smut. age gap (reader is in her late twenties and joel in his mid forties), p in v, creampie, oral seggs, hair pulling, fingering, praise kink, slight cum eating (not really but also yes)

authors note: this has not been beta read or proof read. i haven't written in a long time. this came to mind and it completely spilled out of my head

word count: 5.7k - it's long because i never shut up

Suddenly, there he was. She knew what he was thinking, he knew what she was thinking. It was fair to say they were definitely on the same page. They certainly had been for a while. It was unspoken and only noticeable through small touches here and there, small glances, winks and shifted jeans.

You’d had it bad for you dads’ good friend, Joel for a while now and he had it bad for you. You’d never acted on it and he never did either. But there was a shift in the air that told you things were about to change. The rock that settled in the pit of your stomach and the glance he gave you just now when you walked through the front door was only future indicative of what was to come. 

It’d been a few years since you last saw him. You’d been home from college on a break then. You were in your early twenties, and things had changed significantly since you’d last seen him at 19. You’d grown. You weren’t the same girl Joel had watched go off to college when he met your father. Your body shape had changed, your attitude was different; mature but still held an essence of the sunshine you’d had before. Now you were the same girl that came home from that college break back then, but you were even better. Joel didn’t know that it was possible, for someone to age this well within a few years. You were young, but you’d aged so gracefully in the few years since he’d seen you.

Everything was as it had always been for you, but there was something else there. You felt it when you walked through the door. Joel had aged too. You were in your early twenties then the last time you’d seen him, now you were in your mid to late twenties; he was now in his mid-forties, but you had to admit he had aged like fine wine.

The sight of his salt and peppered dark brown hair almost had you drooling. His dark brown eyes had always captured you in a trance. Today was no different.

“Long time no see, Joel.” You smirked as you passed him in the kitchen. Your father and Joel were standing in the kitchen, talking over the island about some job they had just taken. Joel was leaning against the edge of the island, cigarette dangling from his long, calloused fingers. He took a look up at you, angling his head up slightly as he leaned down to ash his cigarette in the tray. Your father stood across the island from him, arms crossed, as one hand pinched the bridge of his nose, while a cigarette dangled in his other hand.

Smoke filled the air, sun light streamed through the window, illuminating the tendrils of smoke that swirled through the air as your eyes connected.

The air immediately felt thick and heavy as you stared back at him, His back straightened slightly as he took in your form.

You were wearing a light blue sundress that tied in the front, showing off a tiny amount of under boob, the tie leaving a little gap underneath it. He looked you up and down, his eyes instantly shifting moods as he removed his cigarette and coughed into his hand, looking away. As usual, Joel was wearing a plaid and pants that were a little too tight on his thick thighs. Simple but the image did the job for you.

He looked down at the floor while you and your father conversed for a moment, talking about your days and making slight small talk about the weather. Joel stood quietly, keeping his gaze trained on the tile as he took in the spots definitely needed to be re-grouted.

You kissed your father on the cheek as you reached onto the counter top, grabbing some mail that had been incorrectly sent to his house.

 “Do you boys have any exciting plans for tonight?” You looked over to your father and then to Joel and wiggled your eyebrows playfully.

Your father chuckled a laugh as he straightened a little, putting his cigarette out.

“No big plans tonight doll, was just tryin’ to convince Joel here to stay and hangout out with a couple of buddies. Maybe play some poker and drink a little bit.” He shook his head, lowering it as he continued to chuckle to himself.

Joel took the opportunity to look into your eyes before quickly looking away again. “Doesn’t sound like the old mans got it in ‘em.”

You laughed a little as you stepped back taking a look at your dad, giving him a big smile. “Pot callin’ the kettle black huh, old man.”

You stepped around your father as you headed towards the stairs. Your father laughed at your response as you reached the first step. “And what do you have planned for tonight, sweetheart?” He called out.

“’M not too sure, probably just going to hang out around the house, might go out. Depends on if you boys get too rowdy.” You shrugged and laughed as you locked eyes with Joel once more. The look he gave you sent shivers that raked down your body. You winked as you caught his gaze. For once, he winked back before turning away faster than you could register.

“I’ll catch you old men later!” You laughed as you bounced up the stairs. You reached your old room, smiling to yourself before shutting the door with a blush staining your cheeks.

You were practically running down the stairs. It was 11:49 and you were running dramatically late to a lunch with some of your friends, one that had been planned for months for when you came back into town. You’d been out earlier looking at apartments and houses for rent in the area, causing you to be a bit behind on time.

As you reached the bottom of the steps, you heard the familiar boom of laughter that sent your heart straight to the pit of your stomach. You could see his face already, before it even came into view. It was the one that stayed etched in the back of your mind. The face you saw at night when the door was closed and your hand was under the covers. The face that consumed your every thought lately, ever since you came back into town.

Joel’s smiling face came into view as you reached the bottom step. He turned to look at you, his smile dropping and his eyes becoming a bit more serious. He looked down again and shifted his stance before bringing his eyes back to yours. You tried not to notice how intense his gaze was as you reached the front door.

“I’ll see you later dad! I’m heading out to lunch with some friends!” Your hand reached the door knob as your dad called out for you to stop for a moment. You turned to face him as your hand released the knob.

“Quick question honey. Not actually a question from me but Joel has something he needs to ask you.” He nodded over to Joel as he took a sip from his drink.

As soon as Joel’s name dropped from his mouth, you straightened your back and decided that right then and there you could care less if you were late. You quickly took your phone out and texted your friends letting them know you’d be an extra five minutes late.

As you walked over to your father and Joel, you took notice in the way he was leaning against the counter tops. His arms were straining against the short-sleeved tee he had on, his jeans were hugging his thighs as always. He looked damn good today, the sweat dripping from his grey dusted brown locks made you wish you had a pillow to scream into.

You looked over at your father as he began to dive into something you were only half listening too. Your ears only really began to work as soon as the words, “Joel” and “daughter needs a tutor…” were out of his mouth.

You turned and looked back to Joel as soon as your father finished.

“It’s true, Sarah does need a tutor. You think you’d be available in a day or two?” Joel stood up straight, hope looming in his eyes. He’d never admit that Sarah was doing well enough in class to not need a tutor, he just wanted to get you closer to him in whatever way he could.

“Of course, I’d be happy to help Sarah.” You beamed toward Joel. “Here, let’s exchange numbers so you can text me what class she needs help in, that way I know what to grab. I think I still have my old high school things here somewhere.” You looked up to the ceiling as you tried to think of where you’d stuffed your papers as he took your phone from your hand. He was careful not to actually touch you but as he got closer to you, the air started to electrify.

As soon as he put his number in your phone, you texted him so he’d have your number. You both looked back up at each other in the same second, the air getting heavier. You quickly looked back to your dad as you slid your phone into your purse.

“Alright old folks, I really have to get going. I’m already going to be twenty minutes late.”

 Your dad reached over and placed a kiss on your cheek as you waved goodbye to Joel.

“I’ll shoot ya a text tomorrow, Joel!” You called over your shoulder as you headed out the door.

Joel would never admit it but he waited all night for a text. Every time his phone illuminated; he was grabbing it. It was crazy to him to think that one of his best friend’s daughter had him like this, 20 years younger than him no less. It was pretty clear to Joel that you were going to be the death of him, regardless of what the future held.

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun shone down on your legs causing your body to become incredibly warm as you held a novel close to your face. Your sunglasses had become more of a statement piece then actually protecting your eyes from the sun. The birds were chirping and it was getting to an incredibly intense part in your book.

You were so entranced in the novel that you didn’t hear the loud truck pull up on the curb down the street. You didn’t even notice the slight breeze as your dress lifted slightly on your thigh, showing a little more skin. The one thing that you definitely didn’t hear was Joel walking up the porch steps, because if you had noticed you wouldn’t be talking to the characters in your book, out loud.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” You sighed out as you dramatically dropped your book on the porch floor next to the swing. The dramatic ending of the book caught you completely off guard, but what was standing in front of you was equally just as off putting, if not more. Your breath caught in your throat as you looked up at him.

“Joel. Hi.” You barely got the two words out as you took him in.

 He was wearing another tight t-shirt and signature thigh hugging jeans. It was nothing out of the ordinary for him but his shirt was covered in dirt. His jeans were also speckled with dirt spots. Your mouth dried up as you looked up at him. You sat up immediately and smoothed your dress down.

 “My dad isn’t here, he just left to meet someone about a job site.” You nervously stepped a bit closer to him, wondering why he was here. Maybe your delusional thoughts about him weren’t as crazy as you’d thought. Maybe he had been flirting with you all those times. Maybe those glances were a little too long, and maybe, just maybe, your revealing dresses did have the effect on him you’d thought they did. But then Joel spoke, sparking disappointment.

“’M aware. He sent me here to grab some tools from your basement. Would you mind lettin’ me in, sweetheart?”

Your cheeks stained a bright red as you nodded, brushing past him to open the front door. You stepped into the foyer and stepped aside as he walked past you. His arm brushed yours as he turned to shut the front door. The electric wave that the brush sent through your skin was intoxicating, and it was over as soon as it started. You were really starting to think you needed to get a grip. You shook it off and turned around, calling over your shoulder to Joel.

“Grab whatever you need, I’m just going to grab a glass of water.”

 You heard footsteps reach the basement door and the door close behind you.  

It was about 15 minutes later as the basement door shut behind him causing you to jump a little as he headed towards the kitchen.

You’d spent the last 15 minutes waiting for him and trying to cool down with a glass of water and redirect your thoughts to anywhere but Joel. You were trying to think of anything but how incredibly delusional it seemed you had been. You still couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe you weren’t crazy and it wasn’t just you with all of these feelings.

Joel walked into the kitchen, setting the box of tools down on the counter as he walked over to the cabinet with the cups.

“Do ya mind, darlin’? His eyebrows rose as he looked down at you. You nodded and reached to grab the glass for him when you both reached the knob at the same time. The glance you both shared just then was enough to get your blood boiling.

“Here, let me get it.” You said, blushing once more as you filled the cup with ice and water.

The room was silent and still as you turned around to set the glass on the counter near him.

He took a drink, his eyes never leaving yours. Suddenly you were hot again and shifting in your stance and clenching your thighs.

“Hows the apartment search comin’ along? Your dad said you think you found, ‘the one’?” He spoke as he set the glass down, never taking his eyes off yours.

You nodded as you decided to be bold and took a step closer to him. “Yeah, it’s actually really close to you and Sarah. It’s just a small little house but it’s perfect for me.” You smiled up at him as you struggled to breath.

“Glad you found somethin’ good. Seems like a good decision movin’ back here. Your pops really missed you.” He takes another sip as he continues to stare you down. “I mean we all did, weird without you here sunshine.”

You gulp as he starts to speak again, this time the tone shifted and the air changed. You knew that you weren’t making anything up, for once you weren’t delusional. Everything began to make sense.

“Does that mean I won’t get to see you as often?” He stepped closer to you, and you stepped closer to him. “Have to be honest here, I really enjoy seein’ you in those dresses. Your dad isn’t the only reason I continue to stick around.” He smirked as he stepped even closer.

You knew it was time to act and thank fucking god you’d been right this whole time. Age gaps be damned, the heart wants what it wants and all that bullshit right? Age is but a number? Whatever people say. You speak up, setting the tone and praying he’d keep going along with it.

“If I have my address right, I think I might actually be your neighbor.” You took another step closer, the air thick with desire. You stood on your toes so you could whisper the next words out of your mouth into his ear. “Don’t worry Joel. I’ll leave my windows open so you can see me in those dresses whenever your heart desires.”

As soon as the words left your mouth, you leaned back a little to see his expression.

“You teasin me, darlin’?” His parted lips were on yours as he spoke his next sentence, his breathing hitting yours. He looked down to where your mouths touched. “’S a dangerous thing to do. I’m not like all the boys your age. I take what I want.”

“Then take it.” You said into his mouth as you looked into his eyes.

When your eyes met, he leaned down and crashed his lips to yours. You kissed him back with full force, tangling your hands in his hair. Pulling slightly as you angle your body into his.

Your mind was reeling as your mouths stayed connected. Joel tapped on your thighs, singling for you to jump. As you jumped into his arms, he spun you around and set you on the counter. As soon as your ass hit the cool counter, you moaned into Joel’s mouth. That only caused him to grip your hips harder.

“Been thinkin’ about this sweet little mouth for a while now.” He said into your mouth before crashing his lips back to yours.

You pulled away to look up at him, your breathing incredibly labored. “I could say the same, Miller.”

The lustful look in his eyes grew as you nodded towards the stairs. “Upstairs. Now.” You managed to say breathlessly.

He didn’t bother to wait to see if you had anything else to say as he grabbed your thighs and lifted you up, attaching his lips to yours once more. As you two made your way to the stairs, you thought you heard someone coming in through the back door. Your mouths detached as you mouthed for him to go into the bathroom directly from the top of the stairs. You clutch onto Joel as he reaches the top stair, taking two long steps before you two enter the bathroom and he is drops you onto the counter.

He quietly shuts the door as he clamps his other hand over your mouth. You both wait to hear who came through the back door, and sure enough it was your father. Joel turns and locks the bathroom door. He turns back to you, leans down and whispers in your ear.

“How quiet can you be, sweetheart?” His Texan accent thick, it was music to your ears.

“’s quiet, Joel.” You mumble against his hand. Just as he goes to remove his hand, the device in his pocket makes a loud vibrating sound. He keeps his hand around your mouth as he uses his other to fish it out of his pocket and pull it out in front of you. You both look down at the text that appears on the screen of the illuminated device.

Did you forget about the tools man?

It was a text from your dad. Joel curses silently as he sends a text back to him, the lie rolling right off his fingertips.

Sorry –forgot to grab ‘em off the counter. Got a call and headed out without thinkin’.

You hear your dad gruff in the kitchen as you both look back up to each other. Just then another text brightens the screen again.

Sure thing – just hope whoever she is, is worth the longer lunch break

You both snapped down to read the text. Your eyes looking back to his as you finish.

“Oh she’s definitely worth it.” He says quietly, looking directly at you. A blush creeps across your face as you two continue to hold eye contact.

As the seconds pass by, his eyes drop back to your mouth.

“You gonna kiss me or what, Miller? You’re growin ol-“ He cuts you off by placing his mouth on yours, the kiss heating up by the second. His fingers grip onto your hip as his phone falls onto the counter behind you. His other hand comes up to rest on your cheek, pulling you even closer. You didn’t think it was possible to this close to someone. If you two were in public kissing like this, it would definitely warrant a call to the police for public indecency. It was down right animalistic. Both of your feelings completely on display. There would be no denying after this that you had it bad for Joel Miller.

“Say old one more time, sweetheart.” He rasped as he pulled back from your mouth. “You sure don’t seem to mind how old I am with my tongue down your throat. Naughty girl. I’m sure your daddy would love to know what I’m about to do to you in his house.”

“And what exactly are you going to do, Joel?” You wink as your head is being tilted back by his hand in your hair. He angles it back further as he goes in to attach his lips to your throat.

“I’m gonna bend you over this counter top, and make you watch as I show ya what you’ve been missin'.’” His lips ghost over your neck as his southern accent thickens, the drawl really coming out. “I don’t think the word ‘old’ will ever come out of your mouth when you talk about me after I’m done with you.”

You moaned quietly as he began to pepper kisses down your throat. His hand moved from your hip to the other side of your face, the other hand falling to your neck. He continued his assault of kisses, moving lower and lower with each peck. He softly moved each of your straps of your dress down off your shoulders as he started to kiss his way back up to your throat. He stopped once more, his landing right in of your ear.

“You think you can handle that, sweet girl? Can you keep up?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his breath lingering on your ear.

You pulled him forward a bit as you whispered into his ear, “I think we should stop talking and get to it, Miller.”

The second the words left your mouth; his mouth was on yours again. You slid your hands down his t-shirt clad chest and stopped as soon as your fingers reached his belt. As you two continued your assault on each other’s mouths, you managed to work his belt through the loop, yanking it away from the button on his jeans.

You heard the door slam below you downstairs, singling your father was still home. You chose to ignore that thought and started to pull at Joels pants.

“Woah there sweetheart,” He said into your mouth as he removed his hands from your face to take your palms into his. “You’re insane if you think I’m not going to have a taste of that sweet little cunt first.”

You made eye contact as he winked and went back to kissing down your throat, stopping just above your breasts before pulling one out of the top of your sundress, slightly moving it to the side.

“Been teasin’ me with these for a while now.” He looked down at your rounded peak before placing his mouth directly onto it.

He licked and sucked, twirling his tongue around the peak. He removed his other hand from yours, placing it onto your hip, grabbing it tightly. He slammed it back into the cabinet, pushing himself completely onto you. There was no room between the two of you now. Joel’s mouth was on your breast, the other gripping your hip. One of your hands was tangled in his hair and the other on the back of his neck, trying to push him further into you. Even if that was even possible. 

Without warning he removed his mouth from your chest, a small popping sound filling the air, the cold air of the bathroom hitting your wet breast.

He moved his hand from the counter top and ran it up your now exposed slit, stopping to rub circles onto your clit.  You gasped as his calloused thumb rubbed over your most sensitive spot, tugging on his hair even more.

“Such a dirty girl, completely bare underneath that little sundress of yours.” Without warning, he pushed his middle finger into your heat, completely sheathing it inside of you. “Does this mean every time I’ve seen you in those little dresses, you’ve been like this? You’ve just been waiting for me, an old man to just lift up your skirt and fuck you silly, haven’t you sweetheart?”

“Always. Been thinkin’ about this for a while, Joel. Feels right.” You whispered as he shut his eyes and moaned before he pushed a second finger into you. He angled them, hitting just the right spot as he began to lower himself down onto his knees.

Suddenly, without warning he pulled his fingers from you and attached his mouth directly to your pussy. You stifled a groan as you brought your fist that was gripping the counter top to your mouth. You bit down on your flesh as you struggled to keep quiet as Joel licked up and down your slit, stopping at your clit to suck on it lightly before placing his fingers back inside of you, one at a time.

He sucked your sensitive bud while positioning his fingers in and out of you. The wetness that coated his fingers began to drip down his hands slightly, brushing up against your thighs.

His attack on your pussy lasted for several more minutes before he began to moan into you. “Such a sweet, needy little cunt.”

“Joel please –“ You moaned out as his hand moved from your hip to your mouth. It clamped over it, earning a groan from Joel.

“Gotta be quiet, pretty girl. Can’t let your daddy know I’m in his bathroom completely ruining his daughter, can we? What would he say? If he knew that I was tongue deep in his sweet girl’s pussy?”

With the whisper of those words, he was back to his mouth on your slit and his thumb on your clit. As his tongue dove in and out of you, it became impossible to hold back what you knew what was coming. You shut your eyes, looking away from the sweet sight of Joel in between your thighs and groaned as you begun to see stars. The buildup coming was coming fast and just as fast as it was built up, it was torn down as Joel removed himself from where he had been positioned, and stood up. He made eye contact with you as he shoved those fingers that had been inside you, into your mouth. The taste of his saliva and you exploded on your tongue. You groaned onto his fingers as he watched.

His eyebrows furrowed together and he let out a quiet, “fuck,” as he took in your whole form. Your sundress was bunched up around your hips while your hair dangled behind you, completely tangled from having it wrapped around his fist. He grabbed your hair again, and tilted your head back to look you in the eyes.

His words seemed to catch in his throat as he closed his mouth and flipped you over with one fluid motion, your hair still wrapped around his hand. He leaned you back, placing your back to his front. You looked up in the mirror to meet his gaze, the bite of the counter top glazing your skin. The contrast of the cool stone against your hot skin added another element to everything your body was feeling.

Joel hiked your dress up with his free hand as he kept his gaze trained on you in the mirror. He pulled his jeans down, bunching your dress up in his fist.

You watched as he maneuvered his jeans, then his boxers down, pulling out his incredibly thick length. You two continued to have a stare down in the mirror as he reached around putting his hand in front of your mouth.

“Spit.” You spat into his hand as your eyes burned into his. “Good girl.”

That was all Joel said before placing his now slick hand on his length. You watched as he pumped himself a few times before positioning himself at your entrance. He swiped his length up and down your slit, bumping your clit each time. It made your grip on the counter top intensify, Your knuckles were beyond white, your hands were going numb.

“Ready for me to completely ruin you, doll? And all with your daddy downstairs?” He leaned forward, barely whispering. His southern accent incredibly thick, which only added to the slick between your thighs.

You couldn’t even speak let alone form a coherent sentence right now, so you settled for a nod.

With that, Joel pushed inside of you, letting out a low groan as he sank himself deep inside. You had never been with someone this thick before and it was a slight adjustment. He didn’t leave too much time for you to get used to it as he began to slip in and out of you, picking up the pace.

Joel grabbed one of your legs and held it in his hand, moving it off to the side so he could slide even deeper into you. With one of his hands in your hair, the other holding your leg up, you couldn’t keep the moans from falling from your lips.

Joel tilted your head back and leaned forward placing his lips on the base of your neck, leaving light kisses. He never took his eyes off of yours, as you two stared at each other in the mirror. He continued to fuck you into the counter. He moved a hand to your hips and laid his head on your shoulder as he continued to pump in and out of you.

Your breasts were threating to jump out of your dress so you moved a hand, releasing your grip on the stone counter top and pulled the top of your dress down. Joel moaned when he looked up, catching the sight of your breasts bouncing up and down, meeting the timing of his thrusts.

You knew he wasn’t going to be able to last much longer by the way his pace had begun to get sloppy. You weren’t either. He was hitting all the right spots, angling himself deep inside of you. He released his grip on your hip and placed his thumb over your clit once more, attending to the sensitive flesh.

That’s when everything seemed to go dark for you, you began to pant and tried to stifle your moans as you felt your release building.

Then it hit you all at once, Joel released his hand from your hair, bringing it up to your mouth to keep it shut as he began to fuck you harder and faster.

“Gotta fill you up sweet thing. Want to have you drippin’ with me so when you walk downstairs you’re reminded of what a filthy little slut you are for daddy’s best friend.” You groaned into his hand as you came, seeing stars.

You rode out your high as Joel hit his, the feeling of you clenching on him sending him over the edge. Thick ropes of his cum painted your insides. He stayed inside of you for a moment as you both collapsed onto the counter top, taking a second to catch your breaths.

“Holy shit.” Was all you could manage to say as Joel pulled away, resituating himself. He pulled up his jeans and boxers while you watched the entire time.

He leaned forward and used his index finger to push what was leaking of him back inside of you, his eyebrows furrowing the whole time.

“Can’t believe I waited so long for this. Would’ve had this sweet cunt for every meal if I knew how good she’d be.” He whistled as he stuck his dirtied finger into your mouth. You sucked the remnants of you and him off the digit. Your eyes never leave his through the mirror the whole time.

“Better wash your hands now Joel, I think you got a little dirty.” You winked up at him as he helped you stand up and situate yourself. He rolled his eyes as your words sunk in, and he gave you a smack on the ass.

“If I’m the dirty one after that doll, you’re down right filthy.” He whistled as you moved over so he could slide past you.

You both took turns scrubbing your hands, removing the cum and slick from both of your fingertips. After he shut the water off, and dried his hands, he turned to face you.

“Think we might have to do that again sometime, Miller.” You winked and turned around to leave, grabbing the handle first. That’s when you both heard the back door shut below you, indicating that your dad had just left. You both took that as your cue to leave and you both spilled out into the hallway above the steps. The stench of sex leaking from the bathroom.

You both walked down the steps, and reaching the front door at the same time. As you went to open it for Joel, he shut it.

“I’ll see you tonight, right?” He lifted your chin so you could meet his gaze.

You had totally forgot about going to his place to help tutor his daughter, Sarah. You both knew now that once you’d gotten a taste of each other it wasn’t going to be enough. You weren’t sure if it ever would. You were certain you weren’t going to miss that tutoring session for the world.

“Of course, I will be there tonight. I, personally, can’t wait.” You smiled up at him. He seemed to like your answer as he began to open the door, stepping outside slightly. He nodded as he pulled you into his side and kissed your forehead. As you leaned away, he pulled you into him and whispered in your ear before the door shut.

“Can’t wait, sweet girl. Maybe we can have a study session of our own once you two are done.”

And with that, he was out the door and gone. You were left to wonder what the fuck just happened.

[jesncin]

Chimera Constantine breakdown, refs & nods mega-post

Welcome to the master post of behind the scenes for the Chimera Constantine comics. In the style of the Sons of Mars ones I made, this post archives our research and process. So here we go! This will be a mix of showing references and personal anecdotes for how we cobbled this project together.

I'll be repeating some things I've mentioned across blog posts because I like having all this info in one place.

So! There's a lot of ways to go about re-interpretation and re-imagining a story, and one of my techniques is to not get overly attached to research. While it's good to be informed about a character, sometimes knowing every little thing about them can make one hesitant to innovate and try something different with them. So I'm purposely mindful about how much material I research.

But how does something like that work when the character in question has only 2-3 total appearances, one arc, and a quick revisit several years later? We play twin telephone.

For this project, Cin read the Hellblazer Golden Boy arc and vaguely retold it to Jes, who would then write a story based on assumptions and half-remembered memories of the story. Letting personal experience, influences and bias fill the blanks. We're inspired by how Naoki Urusawa wrote Pluto based on his mis-remembered memories of reading Astro Boy. Also when I was a kid I used to look at book covers and summaries and make up a story based on the limited information I was given. It's fun for me. Part of why I love obscure characters so much is that the lack of content about them lets the reader fill in the blanks about their lives and try telling new stories about them that aren't constrained by a saturated canon.

The original Golden Boy arc written by Jamie Delano (#39-40) is about John Constantine coming to the realization that he strangled his twin in the womb. After taking some 'shrooms, John...manifests into another reality, it's very surreal. There, John meets his twin from a universe where John had died, and his brother gets to live. The twin (taking on the name John Constantine, we'll call him Golden Mage to keep it simple) is John's opposite in every better way. They decide to merge their souls to restore...the universe. You kind of had to be there.

John's twin returns many issues later (#249) to wrap up a different arc, there he and the story are written by Andy Diggle.

The first panel of our full comic references the tarot cards John gets from his reading with Zed.

This panel is a direct reference to this scene where John sees his own shadow on a curtain after his reading with Zed. I like the imagery of this arc, even when the dialogue describing twins is really cringe. We changed it to a mirror to reinforce the mirror imagery throughout the comic. Speaking of which...!

Through Jes' reworking of the story, mirrors were streamlined to be the main way alternate universes were portrayed in the story. They'd be the main motif that paralleled the twins too. In issue #249 of Hellblazer, John uses the mirror to confront his twin who resides within himself after their soul-merge years ago.

The line "He's so beautiful, he frightens me." is spoken by a doctor witnessing the Golden Boy's birth in his universe. We repurposed it to be John's dialogue for when he's describing the man he sees in the mirror.

John's twin uses a sacrifice involving these candles to summon his sickly twin. Jes repurposed the use of candles to a magic salt circle that contains spirits like the Golden Boy (he's nicknamed "Goldie" in our take).

The Golden Boy! Even though he died in the womb, he's portrayed as a boy. Probably because a floating fetus wasn't what they were going for. We wanted to give him a distinct look that foreshadows how much he would grow his hair out. I like that his mouth isn't visible! We use the shape of his eyes and posing to get across how he's feeling. It gives him a vacant-toddler-stare I find really endearing.

We made some minor adjustments to the Golden Mage's design. Initially, we followed his canonical pulled back long hair. But since he was a challenging character to emote when we had one less arm to work with, we decided to part his hair so that it could carry how he's feeling. I like when I can get it to cover a part of his face for intense moments! If it was animated, it would 100% be expressive Ghibli hair.

Our main goal for Golden Mage's characterization is to make him feel like his own person. In the original arc, he's less of a sibling and more of an au of John Constantine himself. He doesn't get his own name. Despite gloating about having a better and more fulfilling love life than John, he also shared the exact same love interests John does. Being a twin is less about a family story and more a vehicle to talk about self hatred and potential here. Which isn't fair to the individuality of the characters!

(note, this is not how the panels look in the og comic, I've rearranged them so that they display on this post better)

So we characterized the Golden Mage to still have his canon charisma (albeit with the dialogue toned way down from his original appearance), but to have a thinly veiled temper under all that bravado to foil his con-man trickster brother. The Golden Mage was vaguely described as not being particularly attached to the love he receives. Golden Mage is also dismissive of his womb twin's death, saying it's something he shouldn't grieve since he never really knew him. We reinterpreted these lines as him being in denial over his brother's death, thinking himself as above his own feelings of grief.

Also as a tiny note, we kept the Golden Mage's name ambiguous to keep with the vibe of the original comic, but in my mind I headcanon his full name to be Marigold "Goldie" Constantine. The yellow flower is culturally associated with prosperity, but also grief and jealousy. It's perfect for him! So we made references to the flower in the cover and first panels of the comic. I also headcanon that as a kid he called John Constantine's ghost "Johnny".

My influences for how this whole beginning meeting scene is staged and played out is E.M Carroll's When I Arrived At The Castle. The "animated" panels of Golden Mage looking back at John and breaking through the mirror is a direct call back to the keyhole sequence in that comic! The premise of daydreaming about how your life could have been and not realizing that you're staring at an alternate universe is loosely inspired by Junji Ito's Hellstar Remina. I really like the concept of staring into the unknown and then something sentient staring back from that. "What if our day dreams are just other realities we're dreaming of" kind of deal. I don't see that sort of thing in the saturation of multiverse stories these days.

Next reference is the Dead Boy's Heart! While I like that this story's its own thing, I was surprised it wasn't linked to John's dead brother in any way. It felt thematically relevant, so we brought it over as a device to trap Goldie while the brothers merge souls.

Twins can be positioned in a bunch of ways in the womb. I think canonically, John and Golden Mage were positioned like they are in the cover for Hellblazer #39, ideal for strangling I guess! We changed it to echo the motion of yin and yang. I do think the inclusion of yin and yang is a little cringey in the original comic even though I get what it's going for (balance and all that, it's just kind of simplistic to the philosophy). But I do like it as a way to echo card imagery we established in this comic. We combined the imagery of the tarot cards featured in the Golden Boy arc and King/Queen/Joker playing cards. So it felt right to bring back that whole upside down twins in the womb thing. Special fact, this is how my twin and I were vibing in the womb.

The scene where the twins hit Ctrl + E to merge layers! It's a pretty iconic pose! I like how their heads peaked out of the panels so I brought it back for our comic too. In our version, the twins fail to merge their souls entirely. In the revisit to the Golden Boy character in the comics in issue #249, it's revealed that the merging "failed" in some way, trapping the Golden Mage within John's soul.

For John's ghost counterpart from Golden Mage's universe we took Dave McKean's portrayal of him very literally haha. I know he doesn't literally have one eye, but we thought it gave him a really distinct look for us to stylize. We decided to keep the ghost kids consistent with no mouth and vacant pupil-less stares. We gave ghost kid!John a sort of bedsheet ghost form to contrast against Goldie.

Speaking of one eye! That's another motif we decided to emphasize throughout the comic. It's not in the source material at all, but we liked it as a way to both hint at chimerism and visualize how the two brothers serve as incomplete halves of each other. Special fact! Heterochromia can show up in chimera twins. Of course in the case of identical twins like the Constantines, their chimerism isn't as detectable since they have identical sets of DNA. But! It's still fun to stylize in a supernatural way. For our take we show the glowing golden eye as the soul of the Golden Boy manifesting in his brother. I like to think that John takes advantage of how undetectable his chimerism is to have an upper hand in any soul-related deals he makes.

This stylized heterochromia is inspired by @ratblazer 's Constantine design! I made a subtle nod to it with young punk John's make up echoing the scar in her design too.

For John's dynamic with Goldie the Golden Boy, we built the conflict of the story around making him doubt his attachment to his dead brother. There's a line of dialogue in the revisited Golden Boy arc about John needing to "let go", so we repurposed it into the Golden Mage assuring him that his attachments make him weak.

Even though the Golden Boy doesn't show up nearly as much as I think he should in canon, John has been shown to be really sentimental about him. John wants to be the Golden Boy's friend because he's so beautiful John mistook him for Jesus as a kid. Canonically, the Golden Boy ghost rejects John's friendship, likely still not over the whole strangulation in the womb thing. It still breaks John's heart though, he's a sobbing mess about being owned by a dead kid.

We changed this whole dynamic! The twin murder in the womb felt very X-men Xavier vs Cassandra Nova, and it's hard to get behind babies having that much motivation before they're even born. In our version, Goldie is a vanishing twin absorbed by John, the sickly twin. Infants being accidentally strangled by umbilical cords does occur in reality. However, we changed their origin to being that of Vanishing Twin syndrome because it was more specific for the ideas we were going for.

I feel this crucial change is more in tune with the overall themes of Hellblazer. John always cheats death at a cost. People are constantly sacrificed for John's continued survival. But the Golden Boy's case would be special, because he sacrificed himself out of love before he even knew what it means to love. Unlike the other ghosts that haunt John Constantine, Goldie isn't resentful of John. I think it makes more sense for the Golden Boy to be attached to John because he's all the Golden Boy's ever known. As a chimera twin, John is like a horcrux holding his brother's soul in his body. This reaffirms survivor's guilt to be something John experiences since his birth.

Canonically, although the Golden Mage initially feels sorry for the ghost of John that haunts him, he rejects John as well. John's ghost in canon is like a nuisance that keeps bothering Golden Mage. There's an instance mentioned of Golden Mage trying to recreate his murder in the womb? It's cryptically written. But Golden Mage does keep using the phrase "banished" to describe his brother.

We took this and made it so that he performed an exorcism on himself to remove his supernatural chimera-bond to John's ghost. The Golden Boy arc is pretty unique when compared with how saturated multiverse stories are nowadays since it doesn't share the science fiction sensibilities. Grief comes up a lot in multiverse stuff, in these stories characters use parallel universes to save a loved one as they're bargaining with their loss. For our take, we wanted a character to use the alternate universes to hurt and lash out at the loved one they're grieving. I pulled influence from Everything Everywhere All At Once's concept of a self destructive character on a search for the one familial connection who could understand what they're feeling.

References! The first panel is a nod to issue #36 where John is sleeping with Marj. We changed her to Kit. The second panel is a direct callback to issue #67, an iconic visual for his break up angst era.

Trivia; this page was added at the last minute! I needed something to bridge the birthday cupcake page and the final panel of Golden Mage's breakdown, so I linked them through candles! In this weird case, I reference my own work! This is a callback to Birthdays, a short comic we made for John Constantine's canonical birthday. It sets the premise for his relationship with Goldie based on the habits and experiences of survivor twins. The pages referencing this comic are meant to re-establish that John shares meals with his twin.

I wanted this page to feel like John's lighting an incense for his dead brother, and to contrast it with the snuffed out candles from Golden Mage's flashback. The candle has a yellow and blue intertwined spiral pattern that calls back to the color of John and Golden mage's dialogue boxes and speech bubbles, along with how twisted they look when they merged. Implying that in this universe, they're together in some way. I really wish I did this intentionally but it was by complete coincidence of making the cupcake pink and balancing it out with pastel primaries. But I sure can acknowledge how cool it looks symbolically okay???

The dialogue here is a nod to John's monologue in issue #19 where John is comforting Simon Hughes. It's re-contextualized a bit to be about sharing grief together in our comic.

This is a really goofy one but- since Golden Mage is supposed to be the fully realized potential of John, we thought that he would have a successful career as a musician and singer where John didn't. I don't think Golden Mage would be a punk singer though, he probably does something he'd consider more elevated.

BUT-! In the 30th Anniversary edition of Hellblazer, Sting (the guy John's appearance is based on) wrote an introduction for the edition while roleplaying as the Golden Boy. Which is nuts. The Anniversary edition basically canonized Sting as being a Constantine variant in our universe with the soul of Golden Boy. Sting, as Golden Boy, describes himself as a musician and singer too. Absolutely bonkers for Sting to throw me a bone this late in the game since no one's touched this character in ages.

Another E.M Carroll influenced panel sequence. This is from the digital comic Out of Skin.

So that brings us to the end of the comic! We've had the ideas for this comic cooking for some time, and it's people's continued interest in our takes on these characters that gave us the chance to finally bring the story together.

I'm very fascinated by the Golden Boy story, not because it's particularly strong compared to other stories in Hellblazer's run, but because its intriguing premise is bogged down by its surreal take on typical Evil Twin tropes. og Hellblazer's strength was always in its raw humanity. John Constantine's character countered the sensational spectacle of his superhero contemporaries. He may be able to outwit a vampire but he's can't fight back against being brutalized by the police. In one of his most iconic arcs, he finds out he has cancer- not because of any supernatural shenanigans, but because he literally smokes too much. In another arc, John's long time girlfriend breaks up with him, and he lashes out by saying the cruelest things to her. When he hears that his abusive dad is murdered, John still cries about it.

I think the Golden Boy arc and the retcon that followed his brief return actively undermines what makes Hellblazer special. Suddenly John's having X-Men-level evil twin escapades in the womb. Suddenly, merging with his twin will help save the universe. Suddenly, it's not smoking that caused John to have cancer! It was actually because he merged with his twin and his twin became the cancer from inside him! Suddenly it wasn't a moment of lashing out that caused John to say all those cruel things to his ex upon their break up, that was actually the Golden Boy controlling him from within, so you see it's not really his fault! Also what followed the break up was extra devastating because of the Golden Boy, somehow.

Often I hear in fandom that when you change a character too much from their canon counterpart it's basically "just an oc" at that point, but in the case of characters who get to be re-imagined and passed through many creative teams, I think that kind of mindset is deeply limiting for transformative work. The line I draw between "just an oc" and an interpretation is if the changes involved engage with their source material in any way or if they're just superficial. Big changes and 180 flips can work because they still respond to the history of said character. It's why we see that kind of thing in canon a lot. These characters are inherently built to be passed through many hands in meaningful ways to varying degrees of success. So I hope that by showing all this process that goes behind big changes to a canon character, people better understand what can go into transformative creativity.

Our thesis for this re-imagining is to take what makes Hellblazer special and re-examine the arc that we felt undermined that. Despite the grief John has for many characters in his cast, mourning isn't brought up at all in the Golden Boy arc. It's dismissed by the characters in narration, and the Golden Mage himself isn't even recognized as a sibling by the narrative, no matter how many times John calls him "bro".

Survivor twin grief over dead womb twins especially is a real thing that's often dismissed because in the words of canon Golden Mage himself "I couldn't mourn for those I'd never known". This is not true to the experience of twins. They play with and remember each other from spending 9 months growing in a tight space together. So when one of them doesn't make it out with the other, that survivor feels a grief they can't comprehend. It can manifest in unresolved trauma, commitment issues, and survivor's guilt. All things that feel so relevant to the themes of John Constantine's character. I think that by integrating the real lived experiences of survivor twins, the Golden Boy arc could've been one the most human and personal parts of the original Hellblazer run. It's could've been a story that helped a community of people so rarely validated in their grief feel seen.

[hulhudhonado]

The Moment They Fell For You (3)

Synopsis: Short stories about the moment in time that the character fell in love with reader. Continuation of Sumeru characters.

CW: Mentions of being hurt

HC: Reader is gender neutral and does not have a vision. Reader is a doctor (Tighnari) and a Trader/Merchant (Candace)

Characters: Tighnari, Candace

Note: I already started with Sumeru characters, I might as well finish them all before I go to the next region. After this there will only be two more post for the Sumeru characters which will hopefully have Wanderer, Layla, Kaveh and Faruzan. Also this one was not my proudest work. Hopefully I will either re-write this or make better stories for these two, they deserve the world. Spoilers for the story in Tighnari's section. Anyway, enjoy.

Tighnari

Tighnari was known for being self-sufficient. He made his elixirs and medicine for not only others but for himself as well. At this point everyone was certain that he could have easily got the title of a doctor if he pursued it, however, as humble of a person he was, he refused to be a forest ranger stationed at Gandharva Ville. Which leads to you now, feeling useless.

  You, unlike him, actually had the title of a doctor. You were also stationed at Gandharva Ville alongside the team. However, at this point, almost everyone tended to go to him for help rather than you. You still got your pay but was it worth it if it meant you would have to always be second to him? It was humiliating, to say the least.

  You tried to not let it get to you. You were a doctor, it was your job to attend to those when they needed it and you knew even if they didn’t like you, you couldn’t refuse service unless deemed otherwise. So anytime someone had shown displeasure of having you treat them rather than the saint of the forest rangers, you just suck it up and try your best. You wouldn’t say your abilities were lacking either, especially since you were trained to do this for almost years. Tighnari praised your abilities constantly. However, Tighnari himself had such a great reputation, a couple of good words couldn’t replace the original.

  Even if the group never acknowledged you as the official doctor, in the written agreements you were considered to be one, therefore you always had to be near at least one active team at all times. This usually meant you were patrolling with Tighnari. He made sure you kept your distance, which meant it was usually you trailing behind him, watching him be cool and in action while you sat on a log counting how many boar shrooms go past you during that time.

  Tighnari also being so perfect at taking care of himself, even if he was hurt he already had the tonics made to heal himself after battles, rendering you once again useless to the team. The last straw was when he decided that he wanted to try random mushrooms around the Sumeru forest, against your better judgment, and somehow managed to live through it without your assistance. At this point you decided that maybe you were not needed in this team, beginning to write your official request to change teams.

  Only mid-way through writing your letter, you were taken to Pardis Dhyai for another request. It seemed one of the scholars, Haypasia was infected with a maddening disease and now had to be taken care of specially. You sighed, shoving the half-written letter into your pocket to follow Tighnari to the location.

_ _ _

  When you met her you were certain she must have caught a horrible disease. She kept going on and on about contacting the divine being and you couldn’t wrap your head around the rest of the nonsense she kept spewing out. To keep both you and Tighnari’s minds at ease, you conjured a sleeping tonic to rest her mind.

  “Efficient as always. Hopefully, she will calm down after she wakes up.” Tighnari praised you. You let out a light laugh, a sudden guilt in your chest. He never said anything bad about your work, it felt wrong leaving just because others couldn’t see your effort. However, he was the source of why you were having such an issue so you weren’t sure what to do about it.

  Sudden noises began to be heard outside. You watch Tighnari, his ears up and alert, watching the door attentively. “Keep away from the main entrance, I need to get rid of some unwanted guests, “ He said on his way out. You nodded even though you knew he couldn’t see you.

  It was now just you and an unconscious Haypasia in the building. You sat at the edge of the bench she lay on, pulling out the letter once more. You began to finish off your letter.

  “Dear Grand Sage,

It has come to my attention that the forest patrol at Gandharva Ville is sufficient enough with staff that they do not need my services in the area. Therefore I would like to transfer to a patrol station in another area that may require my services.

If evaluation or proof is needed, I will be happily willing to provide a date and time for it.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,-”

  Just as you were about to sign off your letter, you heard Haypasia stir in her sleep, mumbles of panic in her voice. You immediately stood up, dropping the letter in your hand. Either she was suffering ailments from the disease or the medicine, either way, you needed to get her a soothing medication as soon as possible.

  You looked around for your medical bags only to realize that Tighnari must have taken them with him to meet his “guests.” You bite your lip, hesitantly looking for anything you could do. 

“I’ll try to come back as soon as possible, stay strong.” You whisper to Haypasia, before running out of the room to find supplies. You hoped nothing wrong would happen during that time.

_ _ _

  You were only gone for a couple of minutes at most however the minute you returned the only view your eyes laid on was now a stable Haypasia and an injured Tighnari. He sat on a mechanical crab, wincing horribly. You decided now wasn’t the time to question the crab, and immediately rushed to him.

  “Are you alright?! What happened?!” You yell out. For once he wasn’t preparing something to cure his pain, which meant it must have been something severe or incurable. He let out a slight chuckle, trying not to cringe from the pain.

  “Our guests just gave me a present. Not a pleasant one but they insisted I have it.” He joked, trying to lighten the mood. Being rewarded with a harsh glare from you, he sighed. “I was struck by lightning.”

  Your jaw dropped, and so did the medical supplies in your hands. “WHAT?!” You yelled once more. You could feel tears form in your eyes. He looked at you worriedly, trying to extend an arm towards you, only to be stopped by the pain worsening. “Don’t you dare try to comfort me when you’re the one like this!” You reply with a sharp tone which made the ears on his head flick down, almost like a sad little cat who was being scolded.

You looked at the crab. “Put him down on the bench please.” You command. To both you and Tighnari’s surprise, it followed your orders, gently guiding him towards the nearest empty bench.

  “Hey, you're supposed to follow my commands,” Tighnari mumbled. You rolled your eyes before sitting down next to him, motioning to your lap. “Put your head down, you need rest. The bench is rough so you can lay your head on my lap instead.” Tighnari looked at your lap and back to you. 

  “Now.” He slowly laid down on your lap, trying not to cause more damage to his wounds.

“There is no treatment for being struck by lightning from what I learned, however, if you rest enough you can use your vision to counter any elemental energy inside you.” You wipe any tears from your eyes before they got worse. “I’m sorry I can’t help you, like always.” You mumble, gently pushing his hair out of his face, petting his head.

  Tighnari on the other hand couldn’t rest, he wasn’t even sure the words you spoke were registering in his mind. Your hand felt like heaven especially when his body was in such pain. All he could was stare at you as you tried your best not to cry. He didn’t expect you to react this badly when he got hurt. Especially since you had seen him get hurt before.

  You glared at him once more, placing your hand over his eyes to cover it up. “Go to sleep, you idiot.” No matter how hard his heart was beating, he still somehow managed to slowly go to sleep. The feeling of your hands stroking his head was still faintly in his mind.

_ _ _

  It was no surprise Tighnari recovered perfectly fine. Vision users had a special talent to heal at a faster rate than normal individuals. However, one aspect of Tighnari had changed and that was the fact whenever he got injured or hurt he asked for your help. This included minor injuries.

  You weren’t sure what triggered this change but it made things a lot easier for you knowing that you were still needed by the camp. His sudden change also meant the team was also opening up to be treated by you. You almost forgot that you had even tried to write a letter to switch patrol areas.

  Tighnari didn’t forget though. The day he was injured he caught a glimpse of the letter peaking through the bushes from where you had dropped it. He saw you carry it around multiple times so he had assumed it was important, keeping it with him until he got better. He didn’t mean to peak, you just had not closed it up at the time.

  He disapproved of the contents of the letter and definitely didn't want you to follow through with what was written, especially since something clicked in his subconscious mind that day he got hurt. So he had been holding on to it without even thinking of handing it back.

  He liked being efficient and getting things done on his own accord, but if being treated by you meant you would stay longer by his side, he was willing to play sick all day. He just hoped you wouldn’t catch on until he could confess.

Candance

Candace rarely stepped foot outside of her village. It was the world she only knew to say the least. Looking after the village as a guardian since the mere age of 8 meant she wasn’t one to travel outside often. She was almost certain she had not stepped out of Sumeru at any point in her life.

  Yet you were quite the opposite. The minute you were old enough to travel you already headed your way to Liyue, far from her reach. How was she going to protect you if you left? She wasn’t sure and it made her nervous. Every day you were gone she wondered whether you would ever come back. She had no way of knowing.

You always did come back. A bag full of various items from all over the world. You started to make a living from it, trading items from region to region. It suited your free-spirited nature. You didn’t only bring items for trading of course. You brought gifts for the village, this of course included Candace.

_ _ _ 

Candace made her rounds around the village It was a typical work day for her. Then she heard the jingle of bells and the footsteps of sumpter beasts coming nearby. Immediately she headed towards the entrance. Of course, it was you, with your bag full of trinkets and your body covered in bandages.

  Candace stopped in her tracks. Bandages. You didn’t dress up like that. She watched as you limped towards her, a grimace on your face that only made her eyes grow wide. She ran up to you, holding you up for support while you tried to catch your breath. “Ha, tough trip this time.” You try to joke. Candace was having none of that.

  She immediately picked you up bridal style, to which you could only respond with a yelp. Leaving your supplies and sumpter beasts in the sand, she ran to her house. She should have convinced you to never leave the village. Look at the state you ended up in. This could have all been prevented if you stayed by her side in the village where she could take care of you.

  She ignored you as you kept telling her you were fine. All she could think was how stupid she was to agree to let you go over and over again. She dropped you on the bed, rushing towards her dresser to get more bandages and medicine. 

  “You don’t need to bandage me again, I did an ok job!” You whine, showing off your bandages to her. Candace sighed, returning with the medical equipment. “Oh please, when was the last time you replaced them? I bet you wore the same wraps the entire trip.” You pouted, flopping onto the bed in defeat.

  “Sit up, I need to change them.” You face away from her, arms crossed. “You think of me as a baby. I’m a grown-ass adult!” You mumble, refusing to look her way. Candace was certain she was going to sigh away all the life in her body having to deal with you. “Well someone needs to protect you. Look at you. Every time you come back you’re worse than before, covered head to toe in scars and blood! It’s almost like you have a death wish.”

  You finally peak over your shoulder. You looked at Candace, who continued to have a pained expression on her face. You could see her shake. Frustration? Sadness? It didn’t matter because she was not enjoying it.

  “Why do you have to leave me here and run away? Do you want to die? The minute I look away you’re always gone off to someplace else and I can’t go with you. How am I supposed to protect you when you keep leaving? One day you’re going to end up dead and I won’t even know what happened to you.”

  You sat up, hand digging into your pocket. “Candace.”

  “I’m so tired of this, you have always been so reckless. Did you forget this was your home? Did you find something so incredible out there that you forget? Why do I bother at this point, it’s not like you care.”

  Candace wasn’t sure what was coming out of her mouth at this moment. She was always so rational and careful with her words. She would never say things like this, always keep such thoughts to herself. You somehow managed to make it all spill out. “Candace..” You say once more, pulling out a box from your pocket. You stood up now, facing her.

  “What now? You’re going to leave again? Did you come here to stop by before going off on your next journey? Where to? Fontaine? Mondstadt? Hell, I heard Inazuma opened up recently, you can go there and leave me alone again.”

  You grabbed the supplies out of her hand, tossing them on the bed. You reached out and grabbed one of her hands. “I got you a gift.” You placed the box in her hand. She looked at you, unphased. You gave her the softest smile you could, helping her open the box to see the contents inside.

  “It’s earrings. It’s a pretty rare stone, it’s blue when you look at it, but when you put it up to the light it reflects a yellow tint. It reminded me of your eyes.” You say you enclose the box in her hand. You reached for her other hand and grasped them ever so.

  “Candace,” You smiled as she looked at you, almost dazed. “Even if I ever end up with all my bones broken, I am certain I will always end up finding my way towards you. I have seen almost every crevice of Teyvat, and I would still end up in Aaru Village by your side.”

  You grip her hands tighter, your eyes not leaving her even for a second. A small gentle smile on your face made her heat up. Had you always looked so mature? When did you become so different? You were pouting like a child a minute ago. She always thought you were careless, always lost in your world of adventures. But here you were, looking at her as if she was the world to you.

  You finally break the staring match, looking down at her hands. “Look at you, worried about my scars when you’re as bad.” You loosen your grip, now circling the scars and calluses on her hand. It felt electrifying.

  You let her hands go and she felt cold, your touch made her feel too complete and it confused her. You looked at her once more, she watched the way your eyes were shining. She could only feel how amazing it felt, how wonderful it was that you looked at her in such a light. “Don’t worry about me. You already have a village to take care of, that’s already a big responsibility. Let me help you instead.”

  Standing up, you began to make your way towards the door, only stopping near the entrance to turn back to her. “Now come outside, I got gifts for everyone and sumpter beasts to feed.” with that, you began to make your way out the door.

  But, Candace couldn’t stand up. Her usual strength drained. Her legs felt like jelly and she could feel her heartbeat still unsteady. She felt cold but when she raised a hand to her cheek she could still feel the heat. 

  She looked down at the earrings in her palms. All your gifts were usually kept in her cupboard. You always gifted her such precious items, too valuable considering how she works. However this time, she wore them, taking off her old ones and placing what you had given on. She stood up using the bed as support and hobbled towards the mirror on the dressing table. The earrings shined just as you had told her, blue with a tint of yellow.

  She hoped you kept your promise to protect Aaru village with her. She also planned on making sure you take responsibility for what you had done to her that day.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

(hi uh sorry i sent that ask very prematurely on accident could you delete the previous one? sorry i just had to rephrase it-)

i was wondering if you were interested in doing a Sozo x reader fic (GN preferably) where the reader tries to help Sozo kick his mushroom habit (as you have done before but i would really like some more in-depth mental support for ant boy) or at least help him not to lose himself even more. This next part includes spoilers for the Sins of the Flesh update so if you haven't played that feel free to wait or skip this part. I would especially like to see his Dr. Sozonius personality starting to shine through again as he gains more clarity, kinda nerding out on mushroom stuff but also extremely sorry for everything he did while under the influence of the Mushrooms

YEAH SOZO REDEMPTION ARC <3

.....

"I promise...no more shrooms...please.."

"I'm sorry, my dear. I just can't take your word for it." Sighing, you gazed hopelessly at your spouse: the belligerent ant locked up in the pillory for the third straight day now, wondering if this was the right thing to do.

This all started after you returned to Spore Grotto one evening, finding the Mushroomos there in a panic, one of them eventually leading you to the inside of Sozo's "home".

He had succumbed to the infection, as his body was laying there in such a grotesque display, covered in fungi and rotting away. Of course, the followers didn't know what to do and begged you to bring Lamb back here, as they haven't visited this place in a while.

At first you didn't want to, thinking they were the reason he was dead. You assumed he was still giving him mushrooms behind your back when you specifically told them not to do that, explaining how you're trying to get him to stop. You made him promise not to consume anymore.

It had to be Lamb's fault.

But the Mushroomos revealed something quite shocking: since he wasn't getting mushrooms, he turned to eating them all alive to satisfy his needs instead, unable to stop. The parasite that held him hostage demanded it so.

And it ended up killing him.

You grieved for a little while, before seeking out Lamb and asking if they could accompany you to Spore Grotto, explaining what happened. Yet by the time you both returned, there was hardly anything left of Sozo's body.

Nothing except his skeleton, backpack, and the smiling mushroom.

You decided to take the large fungi back to their cult, carrying it as a sort of "ironic" memento of your lover.

During the walk back, Lamb asked you if Sozo had a life before this addiction of his...and you tell them something rather surprising.

He was actually once a brilliant man: Dr. Sozonius. His research on mushrooms was known all throughout the Old Faith. He's written books, lived with family members in an ant colony, and was very wise. You two fell in love through your research and explored Anura together.

Then he brought you to his camp at Spore Grotto, the very heart and soul of Anura's fungal outbreak. He was studying the Mushroomos and their behavior patterns. They were actually very passive and social creatures, offering you two stews of menticide mushrooms.

You declined, having already ate before your journey. But Sozonius--thrilled to discover a new mushroom specimen--decided to indulge in their generosity for the sake of science.

And things haven't been the same since.

Something in that soup took root in his brain and turned him into a shadow of his former self.

He never came back to the colony, or the home you two shared, devoting himself entirely to all things mushroom-related...while that stupid smiling fungi puppeteered him around. Some days you'd visit him, and he does remember you, but as of late he's been forgetting more and more of your lives together, giggling and not taking any of your words seriously.

He tried getting you to bring him mushrooms, eat them, etc. and if you refused, his eyes turned red and he'd start yelling nonsense.

Despite all of this, you never once blamed the Mushroomos. They were only trying to be kind hosts; they didn't expect such an advanced fungi to take control of him and turn him into their "leader".

After he died, most of them dispersed throughout Anura, but some stayed behind in the hope of seeing you again.

Once you finished sharing your story, Lamb was surprised that you wanted to take the fungi back at all. They figured you'd burn it to ashes for what it did to your husband.

Yet....you didn't blame it either.

Mushrooms aren't inherently evil. It's how nature made them, and you're a strong believer in karma, deciding to instead nurture this one in hopes that it may grow into something better.

Who would've known that mentality would bring Sozo back to you a week later?

Unfortunately, as you anticipated, he was still up to his old habits and never fully understood that they killed him. He tore up the mushroom farm plots and ate any Mushroomos Lamb rescued during their crusades.

Least to say..he was being an utter nuisance in the cult. He never did any work, and none of the followers liked him.

But that's not how he really was.

You knew him better than anybody else.

Ultimately you and Lamb realized that you had to break this addiction of his for good, otherwise the cycle will just repeat..and you might lose him all over again.

Talking to him wasn't enough.

He had to go cold turkey.

Sozo got angry when you shielded a Mushroomo from his bloodlust and told them to hide in the temple, accusing you of denying him happiness and saying he'd rather be put back in the ground than look at you--and that's when Lamb locked him up in the pillory while distracted.

As much as his words hurt..you knew it was only the fungi talking, trying to trick you into thinking that's what he was feeling. But you weren't so easily fooled.

You had to starve it out.

Might it kill him, too? There's a good chance. But you had to try.

Ever since getting imprisoned, he's been shouting and begging passing followers to free him all day and all night, the fungi looking more withered as time went on. Even its smile turned upside down.

Lamb tried using the same reeducation techniques they used on dissenters. Yet they weren't quite sure how to help Sozo, as he babbled over their speeches and wanted them to go away.

You offered to take over instead, and while they hesitated..they eventually handed you a copy of one of their gospel books and said they'd pray for his healing.

If anyone could get through to him, it was you.

For a while you've kept a close eye on him, making sure he had food--all of which you cooked yourself in case anyone tried sneaking in mushrooms. He no longer screamed his head off, but he still tried bargaining with you to free him, each plea growing weaker than the last.

By the time the sun went down, most of the followers were heading to their sleeping quarters for the night--although a couple were having some concoctions at the drinkhouse. But they could usually hold their liquor and not get too befuddled, so you weren't worried about them.

Instead you just focused on Sozo..who was already looking tired. Your energy was very much spent, too, although you didn't wanna abandon him.

Alas Lamb had no moon necklaces to spare, and even if they did...they would hesitate to give it to you.

Speaking of whom, you heard their footsteps and glanced over, smiling. "Hello, Lamb."

"You can go rest, [y/n]." They nodded. "I'll watch over him for you."

"...alright." Sighing, you closed the book and looked back at your spouse, placing a hand on his cheek as you kissed the opposite one. "Sweet dreams, Sozo. For what it's worth..I'm blessed you are back on this earth with me. I promise to keep helping you."

"[Y/n]...loves Sozo that much..huh?" He huffed, sleepily opening his eyes, and you were astonished to see that they were no longer red like the eyes of dissenters.

Even so, you weren't letting your hopes get up too high. He still had a long path ahead of him.

"Of course. There's no one I love more than you. I just hope and pray...that you haven't forgotten the love you felt for me."

As you parted from his side and began walking back to the Lamb, you were confused by their dumbfounded expression. "What? Was I supposed to say-?"

"Look." They pointed behind you, and you turned back around, gawking at what you were seeing.

The fungi had completely decayed, falling off Sozo's head into a withering husk in the grass; the smaller fungi buried in his collar died off, too. It didn't cause him any pain, surprisingly enough.

Then you looked directly at his face, noticing signs of him aging rapidly judging by the wrinkles and graying furs of his collar.

But he was still alive.

And he was back to his old self.

"Wh..Where am I? Where is...my family?" His voice was quiet and raspy as he looked around, confused by the wooden contraption he was locked in.

However once he saw your face, he recognized you and smiled, feeling at total ease.

"Oh, my love. You're back."

"I-I never left.." Tears immediately blurred your vision as you rushed to unlock the pillory. "I was here the whole time. I thought you were gone forever..."

"I hope I didn't go too far." He hummed, although he felt an ache in his back from being hunched over for so long and winced. Lamb was quick to fetch him a cane so he could better support himself, but you looped your arm around one of his own to help.

"Thank you, you're very kind.." He gazed at the sheep. "My name is Dr. Sozonius. We were...studying the Mushroomos. Fascinating creatures, they are. Neither plant nor animal. They gave my partner [y/n] and I some menticide mushrooms...and.....that's the last thing I remember.." He frowned slightly.

'Ah..so he doesn't know...' You realized, but you kept your worries pushed down, too happy to care about any of that right now.

"I can't help but feel that I have you to thank for...something." He continued, smiling at Lamb. "You have my loyalty. I will remain here and serve you."

They smiled back and bowed their head respectfully. "Thank you, doctor. Welcome back."

..........

While it was such a relief to see Sozonius' sanity restored, it wasn't too long before he ended up becoming bedridden, his bones too weak to support him anymore.

You realized that the fungi somehow managed to disguise his true age, as Lamb discovered he was actually 100 years old via mindreading--making him the eldest follower in the natural sense.

Now you feared losing him again..just when you finally got him back, and wondered if Lamb could do something to help.

Sure, resurrecting him may be the easiest option, but it would be the most painful for you. They couldn't put you through that, as it would take a few days for them to be ready for the ritual.

Luckily they managed to find a quick solution:

A fountain of youth in the form of a simple egg dish.

After Sozonius ate it, the magical properties somehow reversed the clock, giving him back the energy he needed to help out with cult duties. And you didn't have to worry about losing each other again, as Lamb gifted you two golden skull necklaces as a "belated" wedding gift.

Of course, the ant was ever jubilant about his mushroom studies and continued to pursue them alongside you--in a far more controlled environment, obviously. He was allowed to tend to the plots and observe how their effects impact followers during brainwashing rituals, although he was forbidden from tasting one himself or participating in those..

At least for right now.

Even though it's been about a week since he was "cured", the few Mushroomos that lived on the cult grounds were still fretful upon seeing him, thinking he was going to eat them alive.

The one you defended couldn't believe that he was genuinely sorry and not under the fungi's influence anymore.

They were so terribly scared that Lamb mentioned that they gained a "cowardly" trait, always flinching upon you, them, or Sozonius approaching, begging to be spared from....some nonexistent threat they made up in their head. They tried to please you two how ever they could, yet were easily frightened by him simply breathing around them.

Your husband was confused until you clarified that he ruled over the Mushroomos for a long time, cannibalizing them and making threats should they fail to bring him more mushrooms--but he found it hard to fathom that he'd ever do such a thing and abandon you and his family..

Even so, he felt guilty and hoped to make things right.

.........

It was late at night when you and Sozonius were having some light brews at the drinkhouse, feeling relaxed but not entirely befuddled.

He was rambling about some of his latest discoveries in mycology, and you listened with such a loving gaze in your eyes, smiling so big your face was starting to hurt.

You were so, so grateful he came back to you..and that Lamb could save him.

But one particular Mushroomo, however, arrived in hopes of drinking their worries away...and instead found you two at the counter, disappointed.

They tried to sneak away, although Sozonius spotted them and whistled. "You, Mushroomo! Come sit with us." He offered. "We don't bite."

"Eek! I-I mean, of course Mast---I mean Sozo..I-I mean....urrgh!!" Already they were fumbling over their words, scratching at their mushroom cap and sweating. "S-Sorry, sorry! AH!" They nearly tripped over a rock on their way to the drinkhouse.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, dear?" You glanced at your husband, who just nodded reassuringly.

"It will be fine."

Even as the Mushroomo sat down and took one of the drinks left on the counter, they seemed too anxious to take a sip. Instead their gaze going to you--and Sozonius, especially. "I-I feel like I'm interrupting something.."

"No, you are not. But listen-"

"D-Do you need more 'shrooms for your studies, Sozo?? More menticide-?"

"No, no. Listen. I wanted to...apologize for what I have done to you and your fellow Mushroomos."

"Wha.....y-you do..?"

With a soft sigh, Sozonius grasped both of their hands, and although they squeaked in surprise, they didn't try running off. "I scarcely recall what I did while under the influence of the mushrooms. But...it's no excuse. I treated all of you poorly, ate your friends...and I'm sorry. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive this old fool."

They meekly nodded. "W-We understand..mast-"

"From this day forward," he cut in gently, "I am no longer your master. You serve the Lamb now. Not me. And that goes for all of you Mushroomos, okay?"

"....yes, doctor." The mushroom creature exhaled a shaky breath, looking utterly relieved to have official freedom from his servitude.

"Good, thank you." Sozonius let go, smiling. "I'm glad you understand. Why don't you go get some rest?"

"I think..I will." They stood up and stared down at their untouched drink, before sliding it back over to you. "You can have this. I...don't feel like I need it anymore."

You nodded, bidding them goodnight as they headed back to their shelter, before gazing at the ant. "Seems you broke their habit, too."

"Well, I am a doctor, after all." He chuckled. "I wanna help whoever I can."

All you did was smile, the two of you sitting in a comfortable silence, finishing your drinks and admiring the golden shrine at the center of the cult grounds.

Finally, everything was as it should be.

[whats-it-mean]

Mc eats jade’s mushrooms and chaos ensues ☆

Jade and floyd x reader (separate)

A/N - This is somewhat spicy?? Its got mentions of aphrodisiac but nothing explicit, just the teeniest bit off innuendo, i guess

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── Jade ver.

It was common knowledge among students of Night raven college that Jade spent plenty of his time out and about in the mountains, searching for his precious mushroom specimens.

Most people on campus found this odd, as they did everything to do with the so called fish mafia, but you had a certain interest around the young man (and whatever piqued his own interest).

That said, it was no surprise that when you waltzed into the kitchen of the empty Mostro lounge, hoping to catch Jade on the off chance he might be there, you found his most recently acquired mushrooms sitting bunched together along a counter in his absence.

As usual, there was a wide variety in shapes, sizes, and colors, each one containing its own propertied to tell it apart from the others, since he had no need to collect multiple of the same species unless it was for a recipe. That was what he had told you.

As you peered along the counter, simply admiring the small treasures Jade worked so hard to collect, you noticed a small clump set aside from the rest, with a note next to them.

You attempted to read said note, but it was unintelligible, and could only lead you to assume Jade had been in a rush when he wrote it. The only word you could make out in the rushed and slanted handwriting was…

Your own name…?

You stared, dumbfounded, at your name in his writing. Something in your stomach fluttered at the sight of it, but you pushed the thought aside as you began to question yourself.

Why had jade written a note about you over his mushrooms..? It was odd indeed, and you found yourself pacing around the kitchen for longer than you’d like to admit trying to figure it out.

Maybe they were set aside for him to give to you..?

Jade did prize his mushrooms, so it made sense that he might think it’d be some sort of compliment to gift them to you… But then again- what where you supposed to do with them, in that case..? You were everything short of a talented cook, and none of your typical recipes included mushrooms- And Jade knew this, since you had yet to try any of his recipes until he offered you some.

“Maybe they’re to eat on their own…?” You mumbled, reaching down and staring intently at the shrooms, which felt as though they stared expectantly at you. Some might think that overthinking something as trivial at this was odd for Jade or the prefect, but when something came from him, you couldn’t help but overthink it as you turned the fungi over in your hand.

Although, once coming to that conclusion, you wasted no time in popping one of said fungi into your mouth.

My my, prefect, not one of your smartest moments…

“If he was going to give it to me anyways, he wont mind me eating one now, so…” You said, words coming out garbled between chomps, your voice sounding as if you were trying to convince yourself of a lie.

And, just like clockwork, the door opened perfectly on cue, making you jolt as you reeled around to see the always-serene face of a certain merman.

“Ah, prefect! Sorry, I wasn’t aware you were here, pearl…” He said, trailing off as he noticed you chewing. He paused, taking a few steps towards you. “What are you- eating, pray tell..?”

You felt yourself begin to sweat as you tried desperately to swallow as quickly as time would allow you.

“U- Um-“ You coughed out, forcing a very unconvincing smile as you swallowed hard. “Just…. A mushroom-“ Oh, you could practically feel the doom that awaited you as Jade’s smile dropped just a bit. You had never seen him look so… nervous.

“…Pearl, what made you think—“

“I’mlikesupersorryIjustthoughtmaybetheywereformeand-“

Your words tripped on each other as thy tumbled out with incredible speed, you failing at providing an Explanation.

Jade only stared at you in an oh so uncomfortable silence as your words faded out.

“…The note I left…” He started, pausing as though deep in thought. “Was to remind me not to give them to you. That’s why your name was there.” He said, then flashing his familiar smile at you, eyes closed as though everything was fine. You blinked.

“Wh- Why-!? A- Am i gonna die-!? Was it poisonous- O- Or—“ This time, the words came out even faster than before in your panic, before Jade raised a hand to silence you, although doing nothing to stop the rising fear in your chest. Or, at least, you thought it was fear. It was an odd feeling, the way your heart was beating so rapidly- But, surely, you told yourself, that was fear. Of the mushrooms. And, obviously, had nothing to do with the man in front of you whom you couldn’t help but notice was handsome in a way you had never thought about before, which, for some reason, made the heat in your cheeks grow hotter, and—

“Prefect.” Jade interrupted you from your racing thoughts. 

You glanced up at him, only to find yourself unable to meet his eyes as your face grew even more warm.

“Those mushrooms were….” He paused, and you could just barely notice a faint blush on his cheeks as well. “A form of Aphrodisiac.”

You couldn’t stop the rapid-fire thoughts as you turned bright red, vaguely remembering Crewel mentioning that word… ‘Aphrodisiac’… A drug that brings about.. desires….? No, no- you thought, that had to be wrong- Jade was your friend! Your close friend- Your- Friend. Your friend who you… definitely.. did not.. have any sort of… desire.. for… 

But none of that mattered. the only thing occupying your mind was the fact that he was, in fact, kissing you.

You could barely register it but you were sure you felt something on your lips, something so sweet and perfect that smiled in a way that only Jade could when he kissed you with more force than you thought was possible, and in the back of your mind you knew you that in this moment you would go much further than kissing him as ‘just friends.’

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── Floyd ver.

You’d always known that Floyd despised mushrooms, so it made sense that Jade would end up offering them to you, stating that Azul was busy and he needed a taste tester for a new kind of soup he’d been trying.

However, he had a certain glint in his eye that made you think he just might have ill motives… and, knowing Jade, that wasn’t out of the question either. The most suspicious thing was that he had specifically asked you to eat when you were around Floyd- His excuse was “So that you may see his annoyed expression and enjoy it the way I do”, or something of the likes of that, but overall his smirk said otherwise.

However, the soup smelled really nice, and you were too insecure to refuse him, especially when he loomed over you, sharp teeth shining as he did so.

And so, here you were, sitting across from Floyd, a small bowl of mushroom soup in front of you, and Floyd’s face scrunched up in disgust just as Jade had said would happen.

“Ew.” He stated, eyes narrowing down at the bowl in front of you, a small spoon stirring through it in a feeble attempt at stalling from you. “Why shrooms? They’re so gross. And jade is always on about ‘em. Which makes them more gross.”

You stopped your stirring before lifting a small spoonful of your meal to your lips, hesitating slightly at the memory of Jade’s smirk, before gulping it down quickly.

“I like them.” You stated, trying to avoid conflict. “And jade offered, so…”

Floyd’s face only contorted further. “They’re Jade’s mushrooms? I don’t trust that…” His expression darkened. “He’d better not be plotting to hurt my Shrimpy, or…”

As Floyd went on about things he could potentially do to his brother, you felt an unfamiliar warmth creep up your cheeks at the word ‘My’. You were… his…?

You shook your head and gulped down another spoonful of soup to dismiss the thought.

“They’re just mushrooms.” You mumbled. “What’s the worst they could do..?” You breathed, bringing yet another spoonful to be swallowed.

Floyd deadpanned at you. “A. Lot.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Well, then, smell it or something. You’d know if there was something bad, right? Then you can be sure.” The words left your lips carelessly, as you pushed the bowl over to him, just hoping he would stop talking about Jade. This wasn’t about Jade- You wanted him to talk about you, to think about you, to-

Since when had you been thinking thoughts like this…?

Once again, you brushed aside the though as you lifted your gaze to Floyd’s, his eyes trained on you as he sniffed the bowl just as you had absentmindedly asked, although his gaze on yours did nothing to stop the way your train of thought had been going.

After a moment’s thought, realization dawned on Floyd’s eyes and a blush crept up on his face as he slid the bowl aside- not back to you, but away from the both of you.

“Hm? Is it bad..?” You asked, genuinely surprised at his behavior.

“I…” He trailed off. You caught yourself going red again- Floyd at a loss for words was a rare sight to see, and the blush on his face made something in your chest tighten-

“I think he put an Aphrodisiac or some shit in there, Shrimpy—“ His voice stopped your thought, but only momentarily as that word rang out in your head. Aphrodisiac? Isn’t that-….?

The feeling in your chest only grew as you opened your mouth to speak.

“Wha…?” You mumbled, barely able to compute anything other than how good looking he seemed to be in that moment, the way his hair fell into his eyes… you couldn’t take your eyes off him.

“Shrimpy… I.. ah….” Similar thoughts ran through his mind to his own surprise. Why was your blush so damn cute!? And why did he want to get so close to you in that moment…!? He couldn’t understand, but without any warning he felt himself leaning in closer to you.

And, oh god, when your faces met it felt like nothing had ever tasted better, nothing had ever felt so good, the way his arms wrapped around your waist and how you couldn’t help yours from clinging to his neck as you leaned back until you could feel your back against the wall… As much as he hated to admit it, without Jade’s mushrooms, Floyd wouldn’t have had the courage to do this…

And now that he did, he wasn’t stopping any time soon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── End