#writing makes me die a little; am i the only one?

[valentine-cafe]

PUHLEASE MAY I GET RISHEN 209 AND A GIRLFAILIURE READER I NEED THAT BADDIE SO BAD MAYBE A SCENARIO ABOUT A BLUSHING AND S BIT STUPID GIRLFAILIURE SECRETARY THAT IS GETTING SEDUCED BY RISHEN 209?!!!!!! HOT HOT HOT i need them to absolutely ruin me + it would ne hot to be actively seduced by someone so hot like GAWD

˖⁺. ﹙ mad scientist boss x girlfailure reader. ﹚ .𖹭 ݁

. . .don't be so shy, why don't we talk ? !! 🍒 :  villain ˖ hybrid ˖ mad scientist character ˖ yandere

working as one of the secretaries for valence and catching the eyes of your boss makes it even more embarrasing in all of your girlfailure-glory

“Good evening, I am a member of the valence secretary, how may I help you Mr?” You speak into the phone, introducing yourself to the man speaking in the phone.

Today, you are working overtime. Why? Well. . . It is bound to happen when half of your work team is at home sick with the flu. So you and the few other secretaries have been at office for a few days now, busy and overworking yourselves quite a lot.

You hope to write a little sick leave for the coming week due to all of the stress, because truly, you too were a mess. So down in distress you had spilled your boss’ coffee earlier and soaked the expensive carpet.

Had you face not been red enough earlier it certainly was now when you had to put several calls on pause and go back to another call you’d been on previously, looking through papers for their appointments and new schedules or cancellations.

“No ma’am— Yes, No I understand but-”

The talks around you turned into rambles. You were on your 7th coffee this day, with a few rice cakes for lunch, which was 8 hours ago.

Yeah your hand’s a bit shaky, but it’s fine isn’t it? You just need some more coffee and maybe a granola bar of sorts. Something quick so you could get back to talking quickly.

It is not too long before you can get off of work and go home. Surely you could—

And there it is. Shaky fingers slip against the smooth ceramic coffeecup, which shatters on impact with the floor. The warm liquid streams over to the cables as though it was its only true purpose in life.

You’ve never withdrawn so quickly as you have then. Quick to hang up the call but too late to turn off the power on devices surrounding. You the one sitting closest to the power cable of the office as well. . . . Which led straight to the breakroom. . .

And the administration.

Coworkers begin to fuss around, rushing to get towels while you stand and try to explain yourself to some of the ones who make their way over to you. Blushing and running your hands down your face as they all in concern and agitation ask what happened.

You can’t follow up on any sentences or words spoken to you, and even less when cold fingers traps your shoulder in their hold.

Just as you are about to jerk away, a familiar head of curls lean over your shoulder and reveal a pair of maroon eyes that glow in the dark just slightly.

“Take a break with me cariño. Come walk.” He whispers, voice so smooth. Like the pricy silk sheets back in his bed at the herrera manor.

“Mr— Mr. Herrera- I can- I’m so sorry—”

“Shhh, quiet, just come with me sundari.”

He drags you off, and it does not take very long for the power to turn back on and employees getting back into the swing of things. While you and him make your way to his office.

Just as you passed by a few of your work friends, he asks if they could please bring some food from the cafeteria up to his office.

You swore, you would die then and there. Yet knowing him he’d have exactly the thing to bring you back and humiliate you in some other way.

“You’ve been so tired today darling, why not rest hm?” Slowly you feel gentle hands move up and down your shoulders and guide you towards the couch in his office. Settling you against the plush seating.

It still smells of coffee in here.

“Such a pretty tint of red you have on your face,” he croons, as two fingers rest below your chin and slowly tilt it up, for your eyes to look into his.

A chuckle or two vibrates through his chest when you evade the eye contact though.

“Mr. Herrera I am so sorry- I was so deep into work- I didn’t-” You take a deep breath and let out a small, high pitched noise when he leans a little closer.

Your eyes are redirected to his, half lidded ones that are screaming for you as though the both of you were in his bedroom.

“Mr Herrera.”

“You are too pretty to go through that amount of stress darling.” A sigh and then a withdrawal. The man sits down next to you and trails a hand up your spine, dragging shivers along it.

“I should promote you to be the pretty thing that sat in my office all day. Don’t you think?”

“SIR!” You squeak out and clear your throat, face flaring redder than before. Yet he only laughs and leans a little closer again. lips grazing against the lobe of your ear.

“Don’t be so flustered. Come be my doll won’t you?”

[neil-perrys-suicidal-tendencies]

Why does everyone HATE Taylor Swift bro. Like no one has to like her or her music but there are so many artists I don't like but I just dont give a fuck about them yk?

I like so many more artists of different genres with the same bandwidth that I like her, so I wouldn't call myself a hardcore swiftie but I know the lyrics to nearly all of her music, take that as you will.

And any argument for HATE can't be justified in my opinion.

1) Like you don't like her music- DONT LISTEN TO IT?? People say all her musuc sounds the same eventhough she has albums in pop, country, indie genres. She writes about a lot of stuff. Most people who say this have not heard anything beyond top 10-

2) Tyler, the creator has written a song about how he wants to rape women. Eminem has songs about domestically abusing his ex-wife and burying her. "But it was so long ago" and yet people pull out her lyrics because they are cringe.

2) She hasn't even been on the top 10 carbon emittors this year or the year before or the year before or the- (you get my point) She is the face of jet usage and for what? Beyonce was 6th in 2023, no one called her out for it. Travis Scott has been the 1st/2nd for a couple of years now. No one mentions that. Even Celine Dion is at 10th. Several Kardashians are on the list. Why is she being criticized for not even being on the list.

3) And as for the whole, she only writes about her exes? I could name more than 2 dozen songs on spot that are not about her romantic life. Even most of her top songs are not about her romantic life. (Ex - Antihero, you belong with me, cruel summer, blank space, shake it off, bad blood etc etc) Several other artists do this too. That's just what people write about. And criticizing her for having romantic relationships is just fucking stupid. Most artists have had more relationships than her. I don't get this argument.

4) And her fanbase is criticized with 'only straight white teenage girls listen to it'. Like a majority of white Anerican singers - she has a white fanbase. I am an Indian enby lesbian and I still enjoy her music. Why is something trash just because teenage girls like it? The Beatles had a largely female fanbase and now they are classics.

5) Her fans are crazy - most popular singers have a sub-section of people who are insane. I'm not defending them because they scare me too but there are worse fandoms.

6) The stupidest one by far - She uses feminism as a selling point. I am yet to hear of anyone listening to her because she is a feminist. Just because she likes doing/wearing stereotypically girly things does not mean she can't talk about being a feminist. In the same vein, she released a song about supporting queer people to gain money. Are you even hearing yourself...

7) She is ruining football. I'm not even going to defend this, she attended matches, why does that piss you off. Grow up.

She pays her workers well (VERY WELL), she donated in the food banks of every city she's toured in with the Eras Tour, she supports artists in award shows. She is a safe space for so many young girls, it seems so rude to hate someone who is kind and brings joy to so many young people.

Yes, she isn't perfect, she releases several vinyls for a quick cash grab, she has too many remixes, just because she isn't in the top 10 emitters, doesn't mean she's not there at all but hating her for this. It does not make sense to me. Don't like her, don't talk about her. It's really that simple.

(Did I mention how this hate escalats to violence, how her shows were going to be bombed, how people STABBED little girls in a taylor swift themes dance recital. STABBED. How a lot of the comments regardingthese events was stuff like 'you should have killed them all' 'the show should' happened so all of them die')

[monaisme]

Thanks for the tag, @joyful-soul-collector!

Get to know your mutuals!

What's the origin of your blog title? Hubby started calling me Mona as a nickname shortly after we were married after the Mona Lisa and a really bad experience with our wedding photographer. She told me that smiling too big would ruin our photos because the obvious gap I have between my front teeth. It was one of the happiest moments of my life to that point and afterwards, I'd do this small, closed-mouth smile instead. After a while, it felt like the nickname fit more than my actual name and so... Mona is me. (I should get on adjusting that so it's more readable!)

OTP(s) + Shipname: I'm fairly certain Irondad is going to be my ride or die. Tony Stark and Peter Parker were forever meant to make each other better-- in a strictly familial sort of way.

Favorite color: Today? Brown.

Favorite game: I'm an Octordle fan. Google it. I'm currently trying to beat my best score of 52.

Song stuck in your head: huh? I do not have a song stuck in my head at this exact moment. Odd.

Weirdest habit/trait? I talk to myself. I got into the habit when I first started writing and it MAY have crossed over into my everyday. Oops.

Hobbies: Writing, word puzzles... I'm about to start playing around with watercolours to see how I do with them.

If you work, what's your profession? I used to work! I worked at Home Depot as a head cashier, so retail... and I loved it. Well... I loved the people. Management was a collective of abusive, power-tripping assholes. Except for Patrick. I miss Patrick.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? I'd kill to be a high school English teacher. It had been the dream. Anxiety decided that it was not in the cards.

Something you're good at: I'd like to think I'm good at writing, but I know that it's a work in progress. I am a good storyteller, though. And I'm good at making people feel comfortable.

Something you're bad at: Staying organized... and keeping focused.

Something you love: My kids. My husband. My sisters. Naps. Terry's Orange chocolate. Homemade beef stew.

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: My family. My favorite books/movies.

Something you hate: Bullies. Being intentionally obtuse. Cilantro. All this trump shit.

Something you collect: Books and movie ticket stubs.

Something you forget: My wedding band! All the time! It goes off so I can use hand lotion or wash dishes or whatever and then it's three hours later, I'm driving somewhere, and my ring finger is bare! I'm the worst! Hubby just shrugs and announces that he's out with the girlfriend instead of the wife... which is cool, because I've heard she can be a real bitch. 🤭

What's your love language? Words of affirmation/ acts of service/ physical touch.

Favorite movie/show: The LOTR trilogy, all things Star Trek

Favorite food: Santa Lucia's pepperoni pizza

Favorite animal: Dogs... and anything tiny, soft, and safe enough to be cuddled.

What were you like as a child? Weird. Creative. Eager to please. Things were sometimes difficult growing up, so I tried to be whatever it was that whoever needed me to be. Most of the time, that meant being an entertaining distraction.

Favorite subject at school? English. ugh. Soooo amazing! And I was so fortunate to have some pretty incredible teachers.

Least favorite subject: Math. It hated me just as much as I hated it. Absolutely 100% reciprocated.

What's your best character trait? Honestly, I love just about everyone... or I try, at least. I swear, I should've been a hippy!

What's your worst character trait? I'm a little (a lot!) scattered some days. It drives me (and some others) nuts.

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Oof. I can only pick one thing? My health?

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? I don't know that I'd like to meet anyone new? Getting to spend some time to visit with my grandfather before the Alzheimer's would be priceless.

Now tag as many mutuals as you want!

@sarah-sandwich, @vankaar, @imbecamiel, @itsmechara426, @ctrsara, @turtle-of-winter, @iamsailornerd, @yes-i-am-happyaspie, @snarkythewoecrow, @justme--emily,

Get to know your mutuals!

What's the origin of your blog title? When I was in middle school, someone told me "you dress so goth, but your personality is so happy. You're like a really cheerful grim reaper. A joyful soul collector." And that's been my username for most everything ever since!

OTP(s) + Shipname: Oooh, right now it's Jayvik, and tbh I can't think of another one, this is one of the first ships I've been really really into tbh. Other dynamics focused on my blog have actually been more platonic, like Irondad

Favorite color: Red!

Favorite game: Dungeons and Dragons! Both as a player, and DM!

Song stuck in your head: The Challenge - EPIC

Weirdest habit/trait? I download thousands of still frames of tv shows that I love so I can make memes out of them. But I have to sift through and delete all the pictures that are blurry or unnecessary, which takes hours. I think it's super fun because I'm autistic and really enjoy sorting stuff lol

Hobbies: Writing, playing DnD, making memes, and hanging out with my friends!

If you work, what's your profession? Not so much a profession lol, I work at a toy store. It's a part time job while I'm in college, studying to be a radiologist!

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Realistically? Radiologist. But ANY job I wish? Professional DM or Professional DnD player, like the people on Dropout or Critical Role haha

Something you're good at: I'm good at writing stories! I can write them well and write things that make people feel deep emotions, and I like that.

Something you're bad at: Recognizing when someone doesn't want help haha. I tend to try and fix things or help people when they just want to vent, and it ends up frustrating for both of us.

Something you love: I love stories. Any kind, I love so so many

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: My favorite shows and stories, my dnd campaigns and characters, my stories and ideas

Something you hate: Fascism. Bigotry. Willful ignorance. Fearmongering. Propaganda.

Something you collect: Dice!! I'm a dice goblin for sure haha

Something you forget: I often forget chores unfortunately

What's your love language? Physical touch and acts of service

Favorite movie/show: Ooh right now it's definitely Arcane haha

Favorite food: Sushi!

Favorite animal: Cats!

What were you like as a child? In a word? Unwell haha. I'm a good bit better now, still struggling with a lot, but better than I used to do

Favorite subject at school? English, I was always good at that class

Least favorite subject: Chemistry. I hate that shit so much lol

What's your best character trait? I think that I'm kind and willing to stand up for others

What's your worst character trait? I can be disrespectful to some types of spirituality unfortunately. It just doesn't make logical sense to me. I have two friends that are fully convinced that a cursed doll gave some youtuber testicular cancer. And I just can't see the logic or critical thought in that

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Mmm. All of fascism shit is definitely damaging my calm so I'd love to change that specifically

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? Harry Allen. Google him he's a badass transgender cowboy

Tag as as many mutuals as you want!!

@sb-essebi @glitternightingale @blatterpussbunnyfromhell @captainhollowstories @kydrogendragon @misforvendetta @poetryinmotion-author @bocularteletheric @kai-ovillager @thatoneneuvichiliauthor @4amarcanethoughts @alexspearsxoxo @kotonni @buckybucananbarnes @kakesuwolf @martybaker @patheticjayce @sleepycrowhours @aixabi @up-the-bracket @snoopyviktor @emdashflower @humanshapedstress @hellsalore @juuzousmom @softandslow @fangirlshenanigans04 @batmans-attic @lvrstrsh @bluemoyai @tearexxwrites @bodyofvvater @lifeandeathepub @areesespiece @lancesblueazaleas @monaisme @milkywaysipper @carmendyy @tseecka @heazueken @tophat-69 @velocitychroma @prjctdiva @gremlinofchaos @ourvectorviktor @kenjinx @jxmimac @gh0stedvhampir @voxconcordia @arcaneheraldslawyer

ngl I tried to tag ALL my mutuals that I have, but this was how many it allowed me to do before it made me stop lol so here's as many as I could fit!

[skrunksthatwunk]

thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

[soap-is-an-artist]

Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...

I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude

[SEVERE rambling in tags]

[augustheart]

me in my editor's email rn

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[infectedzoology]

tag dump

🔬 // musings // all girls wanna be like that ; bad girls underneath like that 🔬 // about // been through some bad shit ; who would have thought it'd turn me to a savage ? 🔬 // memes // you cling to your papers and pens ; wait until you like me again 🔬 // open // i've been here all night ; i've been here all day 🔬 // music / playlist // i'm just trying give you something to remember through the summertime 🔬 // likes / aesthetic // because tonight i'm making deals with the devil ; and i know it's gonna get me in trouble 🔬 // visage // i only wanna die alive ; never by hands of a broken heart 🔬 // starter call // right now ; i'm in a state of mind i wanna be in like all the time 🔬 // ooc // don't kick that trash can over ; it'll make a mess 🔬 // ic // i don't wanna hear you lie tonight ; now that i've become who i really am 🔬 // psa // one last time ; i need to be the one who takes you home 🔬 // writing // nothing to prove and i'm bulletproof and know what i'm doing 🔬 // wishlist // feel my blood runnin' ; swear the sky's fallin' ; i know that all this shit's fabricated 🔬 // promo // you could hold moonlight in your hands 🔬 // self promo // i don't wanna tiptoe but i don't wanna hide ; but i don't wanna feed this monstrous fire 🔬 // wardrobe // a little bit dangerous ; but baby that's how i want it 🔬 // abilities // when all is said and done ; you'll believe god is a woman

[eastofedean]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

[malachitezmeyka]

Idk why I thought the new year would suddenly bring immense change to me as a person, it was such a childish belief, I can’t believe I let myself fall for it. The years go by but I remain the messed up anxious wreck who starts crying the second she’s left alone with her thoughts. The new year won’t change anything, nothing will

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of my favorite horror ends up being games I 100% will never play and wouldn't enjoy playing, but that I managed to find someone who was able to convey enough to me to make me really care (though often leaving holes that I really want to fill but either can't sit through the whole playthough, or can't find the right playthrough, or... similar, you know?)

Dead Space, Marrow, Siren... all games I really like, games that have a lot (or uh... what's it called... Som... Sola... Signalis!)

But Dead Space I can't find the right playthrough, and Marrow I just crave something more from an imperfect game (video I watched is by doshdoshington)

Or supergreatfriend's playthrough of Siren is pretty much flawless... but... it's like 59 15-30mintue long videos, and the 60th explainer video is nearly 3 hours long on it's own... I always make it like 20 videos in before not being able to pay attention anymore

(Also like his playthrough of Deadly Premonition)

So you maybe see my problem, all these great pieces of horror I can really only engage with through these weird one off means that never quite leave me satisfied (like no way I'm beating MyHouse.WAD, I'm not even close to that good nor do I enjoy playing DOOM even if I respect it)

Love horror, just can't stand anything made in the genre because it all sucks and is boring and has stupid twists or pacing that annoys me and I hate everything about it except a few gems I can't interact with

But like I said, love horror

[moe-broey]

Oh. Huh.

[strikersin]

If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .

But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute

[cozy-the-overlord]

I don’t think I’ve ever been as violently irritated with the choice to kill off a character as I was with that of Ilsa Faust in Dead Reckoning