#and not just a plot device who pops up halfway through the movie just to die and farm some cheap emotion off the audience

[cozy-the-overlord]

I don’t think I’ve ever been as violently irritated with the choice to kill off a character as I was with that of Ilsa Faust in Dead Reckoning

[prismed-tears]

imagine the dr surviving cast watching a mystery movie. they would be the WORST

trigger happy havoc

there's kirigiri who figures it out from the set-up (please. its chock full of cliches.) you don't know when byakuya figures it out, but he's just smirking at random close-ups and snorting snidely. (while he has a good idea, he's definitely just waving his dick around to keep up appearances too). makoto is the absolute worst. he's muttering the entire thing through, practically spoiling the entire movie as they go along.

there's asahina she makes for good audience, she's just vibing and gasping dramatically, giving the right reactions at the right moments. she's also practically strangling makoto lmao. there's hagakure, who makes bizarre and random guesses (conspiracy theorist) that happen to be right like.. twice (actual functioning clairvoyant, surprisingly). he also tries to fall asleep, but makoto is so damn loud. makoto and hagakure are a two-man class trial, them disproving and arguing both of their theories. touko's just there because it's teeeeechnically a date with her beloved white knight, but you bet your ass that she can enjoy good storytelling and plot devices. she's basically cinema sins as she mutters "huh. narration. cheap tactic." kirigiri is silently nodding along, and eventually, they're both discussing the cliches and the utter bullshit in it, lmao. touko doesn't quite figure out the mystery, but she's pointing out plot holes as they go.

makoto eavesdrops and uses it as truth bullets in the makeshift class trial. eventually byakuya joins in, by the halfway point, they're all drowning out the movie completely. asahina's just bummed out and wondering how did they think this was a good idea. kirigiri hasn't officially joined, but she's basically dropping hints to makoto as they go along. touko does the same thing to byakuya. hagakure cries out that it's unfair, he doesn't have a sidekick. kirigiri tries to pry out touko's knowledge of cliches, touko cries out that kirigiri's a traitor for betraying her trust by using their earlier discussion, etc etc.

by the end, asahina's just happy that the characters got what they deserve. kirigiri's right, of course, but hagakure predicts an unforeseen plot twist that's just bad writing in the movie, touko is practically ranting how the fuck did that happen, there were so many plot holes for the twist to happen, but he's right nonetheless. makoto gets it wrong, actual investigation skills doesnt work in a movie, he keeps attempting the movie to apply real life logic. and as for byakuya? he's just smirking and laughing all the way through. is he correct? is he just waving his dick around? that's the real mystery.

goodbye despair

(technically they're all surviving, but i'm just counting the awakened ones at the end of the game, because... that's a lot of people lmao.)

(+ nagito and chiaki because we need actual detectives in here, and they're barely detectives as it is.)

let's start this off with— chiaki is asleep. she's down for the count. hajime keeps trying to wake her up but she's out. that leaves nagito and hajime. hajime is just eyeing/glaring at nagito, nagito knows, he's just 💞😄🖐🍿 as for the actual mystery, hajime actually knows how to keep his mouth shut... for the most part. he's muttering out half-formed syllables at random times, or shaking his head. sometimes, nagito asks him to elaborate, and hajime reluctantly does. when nagito isn't doing that, he's watching the movie, going "huh? but..." which makes hajime go crazy. elaborate. what do you mean. but WHAT. sometimes nagito laughs at random times and hajime's practically boring his eyes into nagito's skull, wondering what the fuck he's thinking. chiaki wakes up at random times, points out random things, hajime's shaking her, what does she mean he didn't quite catch it, but she's already gone. hajime obsesses over the slurred syllable that he heard.

and then there's kazuichi, who... isn't quite following? that's the detective dude, right? what do you mean that it's a common trope in movies? that doesn't make sense, he's working for the police, why is he trying to get arrested— and there's akane, who's just cackling at the dead bodies and hollering at the crime scenes as she wolfs down her popcorn. why aren't you freaked out, fuyuhiko asks. you aren't acting like this in the game, fuyuhiko says. of course akane knows how to differentiate fiction from reality. fuyuhiko understands the sentiment, both of them go apeshit at the crime scenes, fuyuhiko wants the detective to lose because he doesn't like the police much, mafia and all. meanwhile, there's sonia, who already watched 70 other movies with practically the exact same plotline, but she's basically freaking out at every turn. she's ooohing and aaaahing at every plot twist and kazuichi is like. oh PLEASE, he already saw that coming. he stretches his arms very unsubtly, sonia primly stands up and moves ten seats away. you're right, miss sonia, this is a better spot. kazuichi says, appearing out of nowhere. sonia moves away. this is a vicious cycle.

she finds her way eventually to hajime, who's five seconds away from an aneurysm. he's trying to pick the brains of two people while trying to figure out the plot of the movie. nagito looks very strangely pleased. sonia is unfazed, randomly saying that "oh, you know x is actually stole x, right? but that's only one facet of the grand plan, which is currently in motion." hajime's about to cry. thank fuck. an actual conversational partner. they calmly swap theories, kazuichi desperately trying to join in the conversation but he really isn't keeping up. fuyuhiko barges in, basically going what the fuck are you all on, are you saying that this movie is gonna have a happy ending? hell no, it doesn't work like that, fuyuhiko should know. this is what would actually happen—

it's an actual class trial now, akane dropping in and all. she asks for clarifications every once in a while, but she doesn't really care. kazuichi is practically kissing her feet. nagito has gone 💞😄🖐🍿🧏🏼‍♂️👀💞 at this point. fuyuhiko is very much concerned. hajime doesn't see jack shit. what does hajime see, you ask? hajime sees that nagito isn't opening his mouth to share his thoughts. hajime asks him properly. nagito answers with his own question. hajime is about to pop a vein. why does he even bother. sonia calmly says that y is dying. chiaki wakes up. red bracelet. passes out again. hajime shakes her shoulders to no avail. hajime hinata is about to cry. kazuichi, out of all people, tries to calm him down. this makes him feel worse.

sonia is practically a clairvoyant as she predicts what's going to happen 5 seconds before it does. nagito goes 💞😄🖐🍿🧏🏼‍♂️👀💞 😄🖐🍿🧏🏼‍♂️👀💞 does nobody else see this, fuyuhiko says. i do, kazuichi says. they are both unable to do anything. for the very first time in a long while, hajime is blindsided in this mystery, and sonia was about to figure it out before he did. his mind is working on 5x speed now. he knows he shouldnt be competitive. its just a movie. he cant help himself. he find a red bracelet on the assistant detective. sonia doesn't say anything about it. hajime is now unlocking 50% of his brain (not literally. no kamukura in this post lmao, im not gonna put my hands in THAT).

final fight scene as the assistant tries to escape. fuyuhiko is on the top of his lungs, pointing out the many different ways he could knock out the detective. akane's joining with him. kazuichi's just joining in the fun at this point. the mystery gets solved. hajime fucking called it. sonia is genuinely caught off-guard, she was too used to movie tropes, but it's a pleasant surprise. fuyuhiko's just pissed that the detective won. "i didn't see that coming :)!" nagito says. what the fuck are you talking about, hajime says, and all traces of victory are gone. nagito says that he isn't a fan of the mystery genre. hajime's eye is twitching. he knows, deep down, nagito is truthful, but also, why does it feel like bullshit. i called it too miss sonia, kazuichi says. everyone knows that he's lying. sonia suddenly lost the ability to hear. chiaki wakes up. summarizes the case. how the fuck do you know that, you were out cold, hajime says. i was spoiled by a redditor, chiaki says as she blinks the sleep out of her eyes. hajime doesn't feel victorious at all. kazuichi, once again, sympathizes. right before hajime can storm off altogether, fuyuhiko joins in the pity pile, and hajime actually finds the hope to live again. what a hopeful sight, nagito says. no hope here, hajime realizes, just despair. akane is sitting beside 5 empty tubs of popcorn. hajime is half-tempted to shove his head in one.

(sidenote: nagito can probably solve the mystery if he tried but he really doesnt care that much + it was fun to rile hajime up lmao)

[rantshemlock]

Session 9

ok so the first thing i wanna say is damn, this was a beautifully photographed movie. like i was really taken by surprise by how well-staged the shots were and the really interesting way the environment was used; if there’s anything in this movie that i can praise sincerely, it’s how much it constantly refers to its environment to bring you into the world of the film. this is helped by how you almost never leave the set; other locations are shown only in limited glimpses through the window of a car, creating a sense that the asylum the movie is set in is inescapable. Brad Anderson has a real eye for interesting and dramatic images.

Session 9 is about a crew who are set to work to remove asbestos from an old asylum due to undergo renovations. the team is rife with tension and in-fighting, on the verge of collapsing from stress and financial problems. as they work on the asylum, the tension in the group increase until they begin to tear each other apart.

it’s a good, simple premise. i was actually really delighted at the idea of a group of people entering an abandoned building for a reason other than to hunt for ghosts while making a documentary on hand-held cameras (an unfair dig considering i’m about to unfavourably compare this film to Grave Encounters), and pleased to see a group of characters that was made up of something other than teens. i was especially happy about Peter Mullan’s presence, an actor i’ve loved ever since i saw him deliver an absolutely unforgettable performance in Tyrannosaur.  

the film attempts to bolster its story by tying it into the story of one of the patients, and by repeatedly bringing up the ideas of lobotomies, repressed memories and paranoia. this is also where the movie completely falls apart; the patient, whose therapy session is the titular session 9 and relived through recordings, is a laughably stock and stereotypical portrayal of dissociative identity disorder. she even has alters that are an innocent little girl and an evil alter that does murders. it’s the kind of shit that has you rolling your eyes even if you don’t know how offensive this kind of stereotyping is. 

worse is the nonsensical implication that hearing these tapes somehow made DID an infectious disease that our lead Gordon (Peter Mullan) caught, and which made him evil. when you have an actor of this calibre there should be no issue whatsoever having the slow build-up of the internal stress of the group driving him to murder, but the fault isn’t with Mullan at all. it lies firmly with the bonkers ass script, which veers wildly from making the characters plausible to making them puppets driven by plot device. the big twist of the movie is the worst of its kind because it retroactively means that character moments make less sense, rather than recontextualising them to make more. 

at the halfway point of this film where everything goes to hell it really teeters on the verge of being good, but abandons that in favour of falling back into being wildly stupid. it has its moments of heaping tension, which are particularly good when the characters are actually allowed to act out their fury and paranoia, but the insistence on basing this movie around a complete failure to understand psychosis and psychology ruins the whole thing. 

here it is: Grave Encounters did this better, in terms of scares and creativity, and Blair Witch far outshines it in tension and character writing. i can definitely see why Session 9 grasped the audience it did because of how fascinatingly shot it is and the occasional great moments, but falls short. it could have done with a script editor with more backbone who was willing to strip the pop psychology out of it entirely and cut it way back to a raw horror-thriller about men tearing each other apart. 

what’s a real bummer is that the talent i see on show here in the photography doesn’t really go anywhere; Brad Anderson’s next movie was The Machinist, a film i liked way, way less than this one and has just as many of the same flaws but a bigger budget to hide them with. his newest film is apparently another horror movie; here’s hoping it’s a better one. 

[hoeassproductions]

Break A Leg: Chapter 5

Masterlist

A/N: Disclaimer, this is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to the tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2,000

A Realization

“Not exactly how I thought this would go. I take it you’re mad?”

“Mad? I don’t even know what I am right now. Why did you do this? I thought you were taking time off in between movies?”

“I am. I was. I just felt like you having to lie was my fault and I didn’t want you to do that. I know we said we’d be friends and get to know each other, and we still can, but this way people will ask fewer questions. Plus, I love theater. It’s close to home and they’re going to let me help direct which is where I want to move my career. And… I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to hang with you all the time. You’re a cool chick and I don’t know… I thought it would be a win-win. I guess I should have talked to you about it first.” Chris scratches the back of his neck as he waits to gauge my reaction futher.

“I’m just… shocked I guess? I hear the logic in what you’re saying but my initial worry in this situation is only heightened now. That people thought I got this job because we know each other. Not because I am capable or the right person for the job. Navigating that alone was going to be difficult and now… now you’re going to be here every day. People will talk even more. And you can say that it doesn’t matter, but you know better than almost anyone else that perception is reality. I just… we need to be careful. Especially you! You don’t know these people. Any one of them could do something to breach your privacy. I’m worried for you, too.”

Chris grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a gentle squeeze. “Y/N, I appreciate you saying that more than you know. You worrying about me and wanting to protect me means you are the exact kind of friend I need around. I’ve thought about it and it’s a risk but it’s one I’ve calculated and I’m willing to take. The question is, are you? I’ll step back if this will be a problem. I’ll make up a last minute scheduling conflict or something.”

I sigh and take a second to breathe. “No, no. I can’t have you do that. I know this could be big for you. Like I said, we just have to be careful.”

Chris gives me a tight squeeze and holds me at arm’s length. “Y/N this is going to be fun! You’re going to get so tired of me, you’ll forget the whole celebrity thing and the others will, too!” he says as we begin to walk towards the exit of the auditorium.

“You’re probably right,” I chuckle. “Next time you decide to go rogue on me, can you warn a girl first?” I ask as I slap him in the gut with the back of my hand.

“Yes, I will discuss it with you before I do something like that again.”

When we exit the theater and get outside, we agree to text each other when we’re home safe.

“See you on Monday.”

——

Midday Saturday, I decide I needed some girl time, so I call my best friend to see how she’s been doing.

“It’s been a while since we have seen each other. How are you doing?” She asks

“There’s been so much going on Hannah. Actually, I was calling to see if you were free tonight and want to get together”

“Anything for you my dear. But I’m in the mood for steak, so you fire up the grill and make a couple sides. I’ll bring the steak and wine and we can have a good old fashioned girl’s night.”

“Sounds great to me. You’re the best!”

“As if you ever doubted me, Y/N. I can be over around 6:30. Does that work for you?”

“Sounds perfect! See you then.”

Well, now I have a few hours to kill….

I turn on my playlist and begin to tidy the living room area. When that’s done I migrate into the kitchen to take a browse inside of my fridge to get some ideas for sides. I decide some green beans with peppers and baked potatoes sound perfect. I set all of the stuff on the counter for later and wash all the dishes in my sink. I wipe off all the counters and grab a pan to get the potatoes in the oven. Once they’re in, I throw a small load of laundry in the wash while I’m at it.

I’m being so productive today! Yay me!

I go sweep off the patio and clean off the furniture there in case we decide to eat outside. A take a glance at the time on my watch and see that I can sneak in a quick shower before Hannah gets here. I walk into my kitchen and check on the potatoes. They’re good to go so I turn the temp down to keep them warm while I hop in the shower.

Just as I get settled in the kitchen chopping the green beans and peppers, I hear a knock on the front door.

“It’s open” I say.

Hannah hustles herself in the door and we meet each other halfway with a tight hug

“How have you been? You sounded stressed on the phone. Is the job going OK?”

“Yeah, I guess I am stressed. I’m feeling a lot of pressure to measure up. Like I haven’t earned this yet. That I have to prove myself every single step of the way.”

Hannah extends a nod of understanding. “A new job is always an adjustment but you said it yourself! This is your dream job! You need to have the confidence to get the job done and keep your wits about you. My best friend ain’t a quitter and I’ll give you a swift kick in the ass if you ever doubt yourself again.”

“Thanks Hannah, you really are the best!”

“I know! Now let’s pop this wine and get these steaks on. I’m starving!”

Hannah preps the steaks, and I the vegetables, while we catch up on her. It feels good having her here and I remind myself to make these girl’s nights happen more often.

When all of the food is ready, we settle into the patio from more conversation and to eat. My phone lights up on the table with a call from Chris a moment later.

“Is it OK if I take this?” I ask Hannah.

“By all means,” she says and takes a sip from her glass.

I walk just inside the door to the kitchen as I accept the call. “Hey, what’s up? Everything alright?”

Chris chuckles. “Yeah, everything’s great! Getting ready for an interview in a few minutes, actually.”

“Oh, then why-“ Before I can finish, he cuts me off.

“I actually called to tell you that you’re right. I should be careful around the theater. I talked to Sandra and she assured me that there would be discretion. That they’ve had celebrities there before but for my ease of mind that she’d invoke a no phone/recording/picture taking devices rule for all of the staff. I can also have a couple of my people there to keep an eye and ear out.”

“Well, that’s a relief. For you, at least. I still have my own issues to work through…”

“I’ll be there every step of the way. I promise you that.”

As Chris says this, Hannah gets a little impatient behind me.

“Y/N! Food!” She yells at me.

“OK! Alright! Give me a minute.” I addressed to her.

“Sorry Chris. Anyways, thank you for saying as much.”

“No problem at all… Y/N, is someone there with you?”

“Yeah, just my friend Hannah. We’re having a girl’s night in.”

“Oh” he says and lets outs a deep breath. “Girl’s night in, huh? Are you going to tell her about me?”

“You act as if she doesn’t already know, and that there’s something to tell.” I chuckle to him.

“Y/N, I’m crushed. And here, I thought we were getting on so well,” he says with a tinge of seriousness but I can hear the smile in his voice. Some bustling occurs in the background on his end.

“Listen, I have to go. Don’t have too much fun without me. I expect a full report Monday. Talk to you later, Y/N. Bye.

Before I can reply to him about a strict girl code, line goes dead.

The bastard hung up on me. Rude!

Walking back out to the patio I sit at the table as Hannah asks if everything is OK.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Don’t worry. Let’s eat!”

After a few bites, and mutual compliments to the chefs, we settle into a brief silence.

Moments pass before Hannah pipes up first. “So who’s Chris and why is he called ‘Shirt Defiler’ in your phone?”

I decide to tell her everything: running into him before the interview, the spilled coffee (explaining the temporary name), dinner afterwards and everything in between.

“I’m sensing some hesitancy on your end and I don’t know why. He sounds pretty great!”

“Well… there is more”

“More? Do tell” She settles further into to seat cushion to get comfortable.

I think it over a little for a second and realize that I should just say it, if even only for my own sanity.

“If I tell you this, you have to swear that not a whisper of this leaves us. Like this is beyond ‘pinky promise’ promising.”

“Of course! We’re best friends. You know how much shit between the two of us we are taking to the grave? Spill.”

I take a deep breath and begin to tell her something even I am still having a difficult time wrapping my brain around. “Remember that movie you made Jack go to a couple years ago about that girl who wanted to not raise her number?”

“Yeah…?”

“Do you remember the guys she ends up with?”

“Yes, what a hunk! Doesn’t he also play Captain America now?

“Yup”

“What does that have to do with your guy on the phone?”

“The guy on the phone is Chris Evans.”

She’s quiet for a moment and I whisper, “He’s Captain America. That’s who I was talking to.”

“Oh. OH! Oh my God! Now I see where all this stress is from.” she says as she motions in my general direction and continues. “So, what’s the problem with that?”

“Well, he’s a celebrity. We’re just friends and it’s already complicated. I can’t imagine trying to explore anything else.”

“But you want to though, right? Explore, I mean. With him?”

“Kind of…? I don’t know. He’s amazing, but not overwhelming about it….? Kind of handsome, too”

“Kind of? I think you mean gorgeous! Given the chance, I’d climb that man like a tree any day. And listen, you clearly like him. Don’t force it. Just see where it goes. What’s the harm in figuring out your feelings?”

“Oh, I’ll have plenty of opportunity for that. He’s working at the theater this season.”

“The plot thickens!” Hannah says with overbearing excitement as she bounces in her seat.

“We had an argument about it already. I didn’t know that he was going to do it but we talked about it, and ultimately that it would be ok, as long as both of us were cautious there for multiple reasons.”

“This is all fate! Just don’t fuck it up. Keep me up-to-date. You know I’m always here to be a sounding board if need be and I’ll never murmur a peep.”

“Thanks Hannah. I feel a lot better getting it all out there.”

“I know it’s been a rough few years, but it’s time that you get out of your way and find your own happiness. I know it won’t be easy but I can already see a positive difference. Give it a chance. You never know. Easier said than done I know but I love you for trying”

After a few shed tears, multiple squeezing hugs, and a couple of laughter fits later, I catch my breath feeling a sense of renewal.

“I love you but I need to get home. Jack’s out with the guys, so I have to get back to the doggo.”

“Of course,” I say. We give each other a long tight squeeze and then bring all the dishes in the house.

We say good night and I wave to Hannah as she gets in her car.

She’s right you know. You do like him.

I shake my head to myself as I turn out the lights and head to bed.

Previous Chapter

A/N: Hey everyone, sorry this chapter is so late. I took a short break from posting but I’m back with some more story! I hope you guys like this! I had some fun writing Hannah. Let me know what you think! Comments and reblogs are always much appreciated!

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[mst3kproject]

504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

Let’s move on to another oft-overlooked subset of MST3K – the Budget Bond films.  These are always very bad, but often a lot of fun if you’re in the right kind of mood.

Brian Cooper is Super Dragon, pulled out of retirement to find out who’s distributing poisoned chewing gum to co-eds!  Boy, if that doesn’t sound like the setup for a thrilling spy caper, nothing does!  The plot seems to revolve around a Dutch student named Christine Bruder, so Cooper goes to Amsterdam looking for her.  There, in between fucking his female colleagues and flirting with every woman he sees, he learns that Bruder was part of a plot to smuggle deadly drugs into the United States, hidden in fake Ming vases.  An evil conspiracy is planning to dope the free world on a chemical that will cause us to violently attack one another, and then… uh, I don’t know what happens after that, but it’s probably safe to assume it’ll end in the bad guys ruling the world.  That’s always the goal.

What’s with that spy movie cliché about the glamorous secret agent who sleeps with every woman he meets?  Friends, enemies, co-workers, random waitresses… our suave hero loses no chance to insert Tab A into Slot B.  He can’t walk down the street without having women throw themselves at him.  This trope has been parodied to hell and back in everything from Austin Powers to The Million Eyes of Sumuru and it’s actually sort of weird to see it played straight, as it is here.  As a PSA to my readers: never sleep with a glamorous secret agent.  He probably has like nine venereal diseases.

The weirdest thing in the movie is a facet of this trope: it’s the bit where Cooper and Agent Farrell are busily smooching when a man breaks into her apartment and tries to kill them.  They fight him off, and he commits suicide so they can’t question him.  Cooper then throws his body out the window, turns the soundtrack back on, and the couple just pick up where they left off!  Maybe it’s because I’m not a glamorous secret agent but I gotta agree with Tom Servo on this one: I don’t think I could have sex in the same room where I just watched a guy kill himself. It wouldn’t be right, you know?

I will say that this indifference towards death bothers me less here than it did in Master Ninja I, but the characters in Secret Agent Super Dragon have presumably have years of both physical training to kill and psychological coaching to deal with the consequences. Even so, just getting right back to the makeout session before the body’s even had a chance to cool seems unnecessarily callous.

The other trope I notice a lot of in Secret Agent Super Dragon is the death trap. Our hero’s life is threatened repeatedly but always in some contrived way that allows him a chance to escape. The first time he’s tied to a rail so some machine can come along and roll over his head.  He gets out in the nick of time and it crushes a can of red paint instead.  The second time he’s nailed into a coffin and thrown into the river.  He holds his breath and inflates a flotation device. The third time, he’s trapped in a building rigged to explode.  His buddy flies in with a helicopter.  Why doesn’t anybody just shoot this guy? Villains that stupid don’t deserve to take over the world!

Yet another thing that stands out as remarkably dumb is the cause the charity auction is supposed to support – ‘an International Hospital for Babies with Malnutrition’.  Okay, so, imagine you’re somebody whose child is starving, which probably means you’re dirt poor.  Instead of sending food to you, these people expect you to bring the baby to a hospital, which may be in another country, so that they can feed the kid there. Is the complete impracticality of this supposed to be our clue that it’s a scam?  The script never references that, though.  Did somebody just pick a bunch of charitable-sounding words?  Was it a bad translation of something that actually made sense in the original language?  Are the writers just that stupid?  We’ll probably never know.

Beyond that… it’s honestly really hard to say anything deeper about Secret Agent Super Dragon, because this is another movie that’s not very ambitious. It has some vague themes about drugs as the downfall of western civilization, but its characters don’t have appreciable arcs and there’s not much by way of symbolism for me to analyze. All it wants is to keep us mindlessly entertained for an hour and a half – and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly, but Super Dragon isn’t even any good at it.  Trying to watch without Joel and the bots I found myself drifting repeatedly.  There’s the charming super-spy, the parade of blandly beautiful women, the evil mastermind with a vague plan to take over the world, the easily-escaped death traps… we’ve done this all before, and Super Dragon doesn’t even use the stereotypes in skillful or interesting ways.

The thing about spy movie tropes is they’re so easy to parody, and have been parodied so many times, that even somebody who doesn’t actually watch spy movies can spot them because we all absorb them through pop-culture osmosis.  Playing them straight therefore runs a very serious risk of boring the audience.  Of course Agent Farrell is working for the bad guys, because in a story like this, a character like her does �� and of course she falls in love with Cooper and betrays her bosses for him.  None of this stuff is even really foreshadowed (except that Farrell dyes her hair – can’t trust those unnatural redheads!) but we still know it’s coming because we’ve seen the same shit in fifty other movies. The bad guy wants to cleanse the world so it can be made anew?  Been there. The movie wallows in misogyny but in all the same old ways, so I’ve got nothing new to say about it.

Throughout the film people talk about the ‘legendary Super Dragon’ but I don’t think we ever get a reason why Cooper’s so great.  Bond films begin with a breathtaking action setpiece to show us that our hero has nifty gadgets and balls of steel – Secret Agent Super Dragon begins with Cooper playing dead by the pool.  His most remarkable ability seems to be holding his breath for a really long time, and his gadgeteer, the kleptomaniacal Babyface, makes most of his gadgets out of literal toys.  I think this might be a joke about the obvious miniatures some of these movies use… but I’m not sure.  All I’m sure of is when that dinosaur waddled into the room I was halfway expecting it to demand the return of the Golden Ninja Warrior.

About the only place where the movie seems to accidentally brush by a real statement is in a moment that resembles a historical reference.  Cooper has infiltrated a conspiracy meeting (by wearing a half-mask that leaves his rather distinctive chin fully visible) at which the Big Bad, Mr. Lamas, is delivering an expository monologue: their factory in India is in full production of the drug, which will be shipped to America in phony Ming vases and bring the world to its knees!  If you’re going to talk about drugs making and breaking empires, China and India are where it happened.

In the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, the East India Company fostered opium addiction in China because they wanted cheap tea and because the British government had vague plans, which never came anywhere close to fruition, to add China to their empire.  The opium to feed this addiction was grown in India, often by farmers who would rather have been growing actual food but owed too much money to the EIC. This all led to the Opium Wars and a lot of other unpleasantness in which the British Empire came out looking even more like assholes than they usually did.  In a story about conquering the world through drug addiction, then, having the drugs created in India and slipped into something Chinese looks like a reference to history repeating itself.

It may also mean something else.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is relentlessly white, set mostly in a city in northwestern Europe, where conspiracies of middle-aged white guys drink booze and decide the fate of nations.  The actual work that makes this possible, however, is being done by people of colour in the east.  Not only does this seem to reference how western nations use other countries as battlegrounds and bargaining chips in their own power struggles, it can also serve as a reminder of something we frequently forget: a lot of what makes our comfortable lives possible comes from other countries, made by people who could never afford to buy it.  My eyeglasses, the sweater I’m wearing, and the chair I’m sitting on were all made in China.  Our entire economy depends on cheap foreign labor, and I wonder sometimes how much longer that can last before the whole thing falls apart.

Is any of this the movie’s intentional theme or message?  I doubt it. The historical reference seems to be just a ‘hey, look how clever we are!’ moment and the rest probably goes no deeper than ‘oh, no, our children are doing drugs!’, which has been on the verge of ending civilization since at least the thirties.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is just a dumb trashy Eurospy movie, and not even a very good one.  I don’t hate it, but mostly because it’s not worth that kind of effort.  The MST3K treatment renders it infinitely more enjoyable, especially when Tom and Crow do Jazz.

Agent Cooper was played by actor Ray Danton, who died in 1992, a year before the episode aired.  Probably all for the best.  I doubt he’d have been into all those jokes about how his character is perfectly smooth.

[citkats]

Love, Victor and it's problems

Hello! First post here! I know this isn't a movie, instead of a show, but I feel like I have a few things I have the urge to spill out, so here it goes.

I've watched both seasons of Love, Victor and finished the second one the day it came out, June 11. It's now June, 26 and I've let a few thoughts and problems I've had about the show sit in my brain for a while now but they're starting to get antsy. Is the show really that serious to pick it apart and point out its flaws? No, it's supposed to be a cute little show about a boy exploring his sexuality, and I know that. But man I can't help myself, what else am I suppose to do this summer anyway? So, that being said, let's get started!

Actually, before I start I just wanted to get out of the way that I am a queer girl myself, who is also a teenager, so that is the type of viewpoint I am watching this show through. Do with that what you will :D Now we can get started, here are the three main problems I had with the show;

i. The Writing

The writing of this show is... something else to say the least. It has its good moments for sure, but man is it hard to get through an episode without cringing once or twice. Now I am no writer myself, so I can't judge too hard, but I wish the show didn't try to fit in so many pop culture references and twitter lingo to try and appeal to teens. It's so obvious while watching that the writers themselves only have a vague idea on how to use it. There is a scene of the show that is going around on twitter, instagram and tiktok where a character says something along the lines of "We stan you!" and "We're all gay AF!" (link below for the whole video).

.... like... what? My god my body collapsed in on itself when I heard that. I think the writers maybe tried to make the line of "We're gay AF" as a cringy joke to show how oblivious the character was, but the line "We will forever stan you" shows how oblivious the writers are to the use of the word "stan", or at least that's how it came off the way the actor said it. The line is said with no implication that it's supposed to be cringy or something to laugh at. I don't know if the writers were aware at the time that this is something teenagers do not say about or to their friends unless they purposely want to sound out of touch. Someone in the replies even said "In real life that won't happen ever" and they're correct. This is just one instance where the writing feels shaky but there are many more sprinkled throughout the show. This probably is super nitpicky but it's just so prevalent in the show that I felt that I had to write about it.

ii. The Love Interests

Now on to another problem, The characters of Rahim & Benji. Let's start off with Benji. He serves as the love interest for the main character Victor, which is fine! It's great! Except it isn't because that's all Benji is... a love interest. He barely has any personality and the only three things I know about him are that he is gay, is in a band, and is a recovering alcoholic. With those three things, there is so much to do with his character. They mention in the show that his dad wasn't too happy when he came out, and brought him to a strip club in order to make him "straight". I thought maybe the show would show how his relationship with his dad has been damaged and how they're slowly trying to repair it, or maybe Benji doesn't want to forgive his dad and all! But no, the restaurant scene comes and everything seems fine like something as traumatic as your own father refusing to accept your sexuality and trying to convince you to be someone else never happened. If you're going to make your character go through something like that, it would be good to show its consequences, not to sweep it under the rug! In the first half of the season, if I remember correctly, we see almost every character in a different location doing their own storyline, except Benji, who only exists at school and in the coffee shop to show that he's Victor's boyfriend. I don't think there's a single scene where it's just Benji alone doing something that doesn't involve Victor. It isn't until the later episodes where he gets his own plotline, one that revolves around him being a recovering alcoholic and being 1 year sober. Now don't even get me started on this... the fact they waited a whole season and a half to get to this huge revelation?? This is a big part of Benji that he kept secret and they could do so much with it, but it ends up being just a plot device so that Victor can break up with him and end the season on a cliffhanger. It seems like every one of Benji's plot points is to benefit Victor in some way (all except for the band, but they also never expand on that either so :/). The other couples, for example, Lake & Felix, have their own problems and stuff they're going through, not just things to benefit their love interest story. I get that Victor is the main character, but if this show is about him discovering his sexuality, should his love interest be a huge part of that? Shouldn't there be more focused on his love interest rather on his best friend? I don't know that's just how I view it.

Rahim is Victor's second love interest who is introduced halfway through the second season in the episode called Sincerely Rahim. He, like Benji, the only purpose of his character is to serve as a love interest for Victor and create a love triangle that can end season 2 on a cliffhanger, just like season 1 did. The show cared even less about Rahim than they cared about Benji since they didn't even bother to show his coming-out scene. It sucks because he comes from a Muslim family and that coming out scene could've been really meaningful, for once showing a Muslim family being accepting of a gay son instead of shunning them, which is how the media normally portrays Muslim families.

iii. The couple bias

Probably my biggest problem with this show is the clear bias to the straight couples compared to the main gay couple of the show. Like I said before, Benji being a shell of a character compared to everyone else, I don't think that's a coincidence. I am aware that there was at least one gay writer on the team, but they didn't seem to make up the majority. It's obvious the writers felt more comfortable writing straight characters and couples (eg, Victor and Mia as a couple for the majority of season one) which is fine, but if you're writing a show with a gay couple in it then get gay writers who will actually understand and have an easier more natural approach to them. This is why I think diversity in the writer's room is just as important as diversity on screen. You can put a gay character in your show but if they're written by a straight person it's not going to feel authentic and can easily fall into stereotypes. But that's a conversation for another time.

Some other small problems I had but weren't worth a whole section

-The lack of sapphic women. I think they might start a wlw plotline the next season with Lake but man.. took them two seasons in a show that's suppose to be a representation to even hint at a sapphic relationship.

-Benji's timeline for his alcoholism... if he's 16 now (junior) and been sober for a year... that means he entered rehab when he was 15... which means he's been drinking heavily since he was like 14, so much so they had to put him in rehab?? Are his parents really that neglectful? This why I am so confused about his parents because what his dad did to him was awful and yet when they show Benji's parents, his mother seems to adore him and they are both extremely welcoming to Victor. The only reason I see why he would start drinking at such a young age is that he felt bad because of his sexuality... but man, at 14 do you even understand what's going on enough to be like "this is bad I should drown my sorrows in booze".... idk such a strange timeline.

-They didn't keep up Rahim's texts to Victor, it was one and done. I get that it was supposed to be like continuity with what Simon did to Bram and then what Victor did to Simon but it felt so forced that I wish they didn't do it at all. Felt like they just left it hanging there.... ok I will admit it is really nitpicky and I'll stop now I promise!

So... that's it! I know this can come off as annoying or I'm giving huge pessimist vibes because of this but I swear me having long rants about how I feel about a show's problems is rare. Normally I like deconstructing the parts I did like rather than the parts I didn't. I do think this show is cute and serves its purpose of entertaining, and I don't hold anything against someone who enjoys it! I can easily see this being someone's comfort show, and that's completely fine. I also realize that I did dig into the writers quite a lot here, so I just want to make it clear that in no way am I questioning their talent (one is a new york times bestseller and two others have been nominated for Emmys). Hopefully, my posts in the future will be more positive but for now, I hope this deconstruction was decent!

[askmerriauthor]

I remember you railing against BvS pretty hard before. Have you seen Justice League yet?

I actually did get to see it just the other evening, yes.  Movie review and writing talk after the jump, because spoilers.

To its credit, JL is a far better movie than BvS.  That’s a very low bar to set, I admit, but the point stands.  That doesn’t mean it was a good movie though.

When I saw BvS I walked out of the theater thinking “Meh, it was boring but whatever”, only to become more and more angry about it from a writing standpoint as I mulled it over in my head in the following days.  JL garnered the same initial response but - despite my dwelling and pondering and scrutinizing - has not advanced any further than that same “meh”.  It’s a passable movie with plenty of problems (both in production and in performance) at best and just plain ol’ boring at worst.  The most generous I can be with the movie is to say that it had a lot of good ideas with very poor execution.

The basic thrust of the movie is that Batman feels guilty about the shenanigans he was up to in BvS and wants to make good by forming the Justice League to deal with threats now that Supes is dead.  The world has been getting progressively shittier since that event as society falls into a sort of existential dread afterward, contributed wholly to their iconic hero biting it.  Which is somehow what the baddie of the film - a shmoe named Steppenwolf - needs to enact his evil plan of evil bad death doom nasty bad.

Y’know, completely ignoring the fact that Supes was depicted as a severely divisive public figure in BvS that a bulk of the population actively hated, including the US government at large.

Anyway.  There’s a nonsense non-story about Steppenwolf needing to collect the three magical macguffins to destroy the world and the heroes need to join forces to stop him.  Honestly though?  Steppenwolf, as a villain, was utterly pointless.  He had no character, no involvement with the heroes, and spent the bulk of his time on screen only briefly popping in via teleportation and back out again.  He goes through the film collecting the magical macguffins, but for all the difference he makes himself, they could have just spared the character animation budget and made the macguffins naturally gravitate toward one another on their own.

Also - really movie?  Steppenwolf?  Really?  Of all the characters associated with Darkseid, we’re starting with freakin’ STEPPENWOLF?  I admit someone like Granny Goodness would have been a bit much for this movie, but we couldn’t have at least gotten Kalibak?

ANYWAY.  So the Justice League is put together from a ragtag bunch of misfits who overcome staggering odds, learning to be a team in the process.  Superman is brought back from the dead (because of course he is), Steppenwolf is defeated, and everything is hunky dory until the next movie.  Which apparently is going to involve the Legion of Doom rather than Darkseid if the after-credit stinger is to be believed, which just goes to show DC has absolutely not learned their lesson about trying to retroactively introduce characters in a big franchise.

I mean, seriously, who are we going to get in that movie?  Deathstroke apparently.  Solomon Grundy?  Cheetah?  Captain Cold?  Gorilla Grodd?  The general viewing public doesn’t know who the usual array of Legion of Doom’ers are and aren’t going to give one flying flip about seeing them shoe-horned together.  Especially not after the cluster that was Suicide Squad doing the exact same damn thing.

AN-NEE-WAY.  Justice League has a lot of trouble with its pacing and tone, with a clear breaking point happening halfway through the film when Superman is brought back to life.  In reviewing my thoughts on the movie, I keep coming back to that spot being where things really begin to unravel on the whole.  Writing wise, the movie has a hard time keeping itself steady as it constantly waffles between trying to be gritty and dour one moment, then playful and slapstick the next.  Apparently the film was handed over from Zack Snyder to Joss Whedon halfway through production which would certainly explain quite a lot, but doesn’t do much to excuse the final product.

We have a big ensemble cast to work with that the movie makes no effort to endear us to, on top of them being very contrary to previous depictions where the big three are concerned.  Bats, Supes, and Diana don’t act like they did in their previous movies at all.  Bats bounces between being  grim to actually cracking jokes and being the butt of a few himself, Supes spends half his time just sort of being there looking bewildered and the other half being incredibly smarmy, and Diana (along with the Amazons as a whole) had any-and-all character granted by her own movie violently siphoned out of her until she was a bland cardboard cutout.

Given that we just had such a great Wonder Woman standalone movie, this version of Diana really grates on my by comparison.  She’s dull, isn’t proactive, and spends the film needing to be goaded into being a hero by Batman of all people.  Bats is constantly lecturing and advising her on how to be a hero, a leader, how to not lock herself away from the world and others… y’know, stuff that Batman classically has trouble with himself and it REALLY SHOULD BE DIANA TEACHING HIM THAT SHIT SINCE SHE ALREADY DID ALL THAT IN HER OWN DAMN MOVIE AND BEING A RECLUSIVE UNTRUSTWORTHY ASS IS LITERALLY BATMAN’S ENTIRE M.O. IN THIS FRANCHISE.

Flash was fun though.  I enjoyed his presence and jokes, which felt a bit more natural since he is such a young character compared to the rest.  Cyborg was just sort of there as a plot device - dude literally just grows new powers and plucks meta-information out of nowhere whenever the plot needs him to.  Thor - I mean Drax - I mean Aquaman was… well, he was there.  Yep.  He sure did take up screen real estate without actually having any useful contributions to the story, setting, theme, or conflict resolution.

This may just be my own personal sense of humor at play, but there was a gag I really wish they’d gone for with Flash.  After he’s first introduced and the movie is half-assedly explaining his powers, he points out that using his superspeed burns tons of calories, so he’s always famished and is constantly snacking.  “I’m like a blackhole for snacks.  A snack-hole.” he says, while chowing down on an entire pizza himself as he walks.  It’s a fun notion that is never used in the movie beyond that.  At most he says “I’m hungry” about 45 minutes later and is told to go have nosh off-screen, but that’s it.  Since Flash is constantly zipping around from moment to moment, I really wanted to see him always eating whenever he’s not doing something important.  Like, every scene should have him munching on something different.  He’ll be chowing down on this big burrito in the background as the camera slightly pans away to someone talking, and then when it pans back he’s got a tub of Ben & Jerry’s under his arm.  Or in any scene where he has to stand still for more than 10 seconds, each time the camera cuts back to him, there’s increasingly large and varied stacks of discarded food containers scattered around him.

Or, hell, just have him share his snacks with the others.  It would’ve been super cute for him to offer Diana some ice cream and have her be genuinely delighted in return.

Except, y’know, that would require Diana to actually have character in this movie…

The strongest scene in the entire movie to me (and certainly to a bulk of the audience for how vocal a reaction it got in the theater) was right after Supes is resurrected.  He’s all addle-brained and violent because he’s still grave-groggy, so he starts fighting the League members.  As he’s being dogpiled by the rest, Flash kicks into superspeed and starts running around him.  The movie shows the rest of the world freezing in place from Flash’s point of view… until Supes’ eyes start tracking Flash’s movement ever so slowly.  That single point made for a fantastic “OH SHIT” moment that nothing else in the film managed to hit quite as well.  Unfortunate on the whole, but I will give points for that one, if nothing else.

Supes actually tries to fight Flash with both of them going at superspeed, which is a neat bit as well.  It’s clear in watching how they’re moving that Supes is indeed slower, but only just, and it’s more because Flash is so startled that anyone can begin to keep up with him - along with his own inexperience - that Supes takes him out pretty quickly.  The same can’t be said for the big bad of the film.  Steppenwolf is effectively invincible to everything the entire movie, including the heroes.  Attacks literally bounce off him without him even realizing they landed in the first place.  The League members do their best to fight him and will, from time to time, manage to put him through a wall or stagger him before he knocks them through several buildings himself.  But because everyone is pretty much the same level of invulnerable, the fights become pointless because they’re just knocking each other around through papier-mâché set pieces without effect.

But then Supes shows up and instantly trivializes whatever threat Steppenwolf was supposed to have.  It’s played like Awakened Neo verses the Agents in the first Matrix movie, right down to the whole “leaning casually away from a mega-punch” move.  Supes casually walks all over this villain without any effort whatsoever, actually leaves the fight entirely for a few minutes to go save a building full of civilians (by literally picking up the entire apartment complex over his head and flying away with it, because all effort at gritty realism is long gone), and then comes back to derisively snark “Is this guy still bothering you?” at the rest of the group.  And y’know what?  Even with all that, the heroes don’t even kill off the bad guy.  He gets swarmed by his own mindless Parademons for absolutely no good reason, because apparently suddenly a bunch of canon fodder minions that even Batman can take out in a toe-to-toe fight are powerful enough to overwhelm Steppenwolf?

The movie’s writing falls prey to two very common problems the comics suffer from, and it is purely a fault of the writers.  You’ll often hear people say “Superman is a boring character - he’s got unlimited power so he’s impossible to write good stories for”, which is the hallmark of an unimaginative writer.  The other common problem is many writers’ fondness for hoisting Batman up on a pedestal as this amazing genius who can do no wrong.  We get both here.  Batman is the driving force behind everything that happens and all other characters’ motivations, and yet is so vastly outclassed by their power at the same time that the movie struggles to find anything for him to do.  Superman is so beyond powerful that he makes the rest of the movie and its entire cast obsolete - he can do anything in this version through brute force alone, so how is there any danger or conflict?  He literally stops the destruction of the world by using brute strength to pull apart the three macguffins with his bare hands.

So… yeah.  Justice League has a lot of problems if you look at it any harder than just “open eyes, turn off brain, eat popcorn”.  If you can do those steps, it’s a passable bit of brainless fluff and flashy special effects.  And it’s still a superior film to BvS by a vast margin.

[rabbitwrite]

virus ; kim taehyung

characters: reader (gender neutral), hacker/virus!taehyung

genre: comedy, fluff

word count: 2430

It all started with a movie.

Watching it in theaters would've been a bullet to the bit of income you earned, and as much as you wanted to watch it you literally could not afford to purchase a movie ticket over groceries and other necessities.

Still, you were determined to watch the movie you had been anticipating before the trailer had even been released, and you would not let your financial status get in the way of it.

That was how you stumbled upon an "illegal website" on your phone's internet browser that pirated movies, your only method that would allow you to watch the movie for free.

It was also how a certain Virus found its way to your device, one that impacted your life more than the couple of bucks you could've spent on watching the movie at the theater would.

Maybe using your phone wasn't particularly the best idea for the notion, but it's not like you had access to a laptop anyways. At first, the only thing you worried about was the amount of pop up ads that engulfed about the entirety of your screen. It was becoming tedious having to click the "CLOSE" button in the corner of every advertisement that surfaced, especially annoying when they just happened to be related to dating. Yes you were single, but you didn't need dating website ads to rub it in.

Right after selecting the title of your movie on the website, another ad covered the display, causing you to heave a deep sigh. This particular advertisement was something along the lines of "lonely? find singles near you", and you rolled your eyes as you led your fingers towards the 'x' button.

You had only realized that your fingertip came a bit short from the target after pressing down on the screen for a few seconds, accidentally accepting the block of nuisance instead.

"No, no, no, no, no!" you groaned in frustration, tossing your phone onto your mattress as your touch activated something.

It took you a moment to notice that your screen had gone completely blank.

Picking your phone up, you observed the device and attempted to turn it back on. For some reason the screen failed to display anything, even after you pressed down on the power button.

Did your phone run out of battery without you noticing? Your mind was running with all sorts of possible reasons as to what the root cause had been. Halfway into thinking this was some sort of backlash for attempting to watch the movie illegally, the screen burst into its former color and revealed your screen.

A bit of text contained in a digital box projected itself where your lockscreen would've been. Upon closer inspection, it said:

ERROR 951230

THIS DEVICE IS HEARBY TAKEN OVER BY V.

A pixel sprite of a boy in chibi form appeared after the "V" began to glow white, nearly giving you a heartattack. Mockingly, the little character stuck out what looked to be a pixelated tongue as it winked.

"What's going on? Who's... V?" you questioned, though you chuckled bitterly after realizing you had actually expected an answer.

Your phone let out a single, prolonged beep.

I'M V.

The two words had replaced the original text from before, but the box they were contained in morphed into one that appeared to be a speech bubble.

This time you full out scoffed. "Ah yes, a bundle of pixels is the culprit who took over my phone."

Then you took a moment to think.

"How did you respond to me? You are just a pixellated little virus, aren't you?"

The face of the little chibi went blank, much like the speech bubble above him.

UR PHONE HAS A MIC, DOESN'T IT?

After processing what the message meant, your eyes widened. "What the hell? I didn't ask for some sort of virus stalker person having access to my phone!"

RELAX.

The message in the speech bubble alternated.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH UR PHONE.

Before you could react or remotely do anything as a form of response, the speech bubble disappeared, along with the little pixel guy with it.

This left you flabbergasted, still attempting to process the predicament before you returned to your phone.

Strangely enough, the V character seemed to be stating the truth. For the most part, your phone functioned just as well as it did prior to his appearance.

He just didn't state all of the truth, because you ended up finding it yourself.

Your phone's mic wasn't the only thing the stranger had access to - he had access to everything. It was absolutely frightening for you at first thinking of the endless possibilities V had with your data, but the fear of him showing up at your doorstep to kidnap or murder you was eventually dismissed when you discovered that the only thing he did with your personal information was to taunt you with it.

Whoever V was, he sure liked to check whatever you were doing just so he could make fun of you for it.

"UR MUSIC TASTE SUCKS." the text bubble would emerge whenever you tried listening to music, and soon after your song would be replaced by something of V's choice, typically something from a Highschool Musical soundtrack.

Every time you tried to access your camera, "U HAVE A QUESTIONABLE PHOTO GALLERY" would pop up for so long you would give up taking pictures completely.

Sometimes he wouldn't even let your phone's messaging app open, instead bringing up the text box to taunt you about how "NO ONES GOING TO CONTACT U".

When people did contact you, V would do all sorts of things to tamper with them. He would turn the ringer off, decline calls before you could even touch your screen, and open your text messages so you wouldn't see the notification, making it seem like you left it on read.

He would turn your alarms and reminders off, move around apps while filling up their former spaces with unnecessary ones he downloaded, all with his pixellated avatar peeking out at you in the corner of your screen.

After tolerating it for a number of days, you had eventually snapped.

"I give up V, I give up!" you exclaimed in pure frustration, releasing your phone from your grip in order to slam your palms against the table in front of you. "All I wanted was to watch a movie!"

Your phone vibrated soon afterwards.

Glacing towards the screen, you knew it was meant to indicate that he had responded.

"ATLEAST UR NOT LONELY. NOW UR JUST SINGLE."

Your eyes narrowed into slits as you glared directly into the camera. If V was looking through it, you hoped he could tell how pissed off you were with your expression alone. "If you're going to act like that, I don't want to deal with you anymore."

Then you walked away. Away from your phone, away from the only connection you had with V, and you avoided it for as long as you were able to. The little virus was no where to be found by the time you picked up the handheld device once more, but you knew it would be unwise to think he was gone forever.

Your assumption was proven correct the next morning, though it was in the form of a rather pleasant surprise. Woken up by an alarm you were quite sure you had never set, you were greeted by the all-too-familiar text box and pixellated figure on your phone. 

“MORNING!” the box displayed, adding on soon after. “I REMEMBERED U MENTIONING SMTH ABT NEEDING TO WAKE UP EARLY.”

“Right,” you responded with an eyebrow raised, emerging from the comfort of your bed while you were at it. “Thank you, I guess? What’s up with the sudden change of attitude?”

The little V sprite winked as the dialogue in the box was replaced. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABT.”

A lie, obviously, because the next few days consisted of V’s change of behaviour. Perhaps it was your sudden outlash at him, but the new way your Virus was treating you caused the guilt to subside easily.

V’s signature cheesy remarks were still a thing, but they did become more lighthearted and enjoyable. Rather than making your life harder than he once did before, it now felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Not only did he set alarms and reminders for when you needed them, he practically did the exact opposite of all the playful torments of the past. He had even cleared the cache of your apps, giving you much more space on your device.

In fact, you were starting to look forward to his little “GOOD MORNING”s and “GOOD NIGHT”s, random messages and greasy jokes he would put in the text box that appeared various times a day.

The only one who had yet to change their attitude was you. V had noticed that too. It was almost as if his attempts were futile, and it discouraged him. So much that eventually, it was his turn to confront you about it.

Your phone blacked out once more, but only for a mere second. When it lit up, it seemed there was an incoming call. The caller ID displayed a series of digits, 951230, a sequence that struck you as familiar. Curiously, you accepted the call, bringing your phone to your ear a bit eagerly.

“Don’t tell me you’re still feeling lonely, even with me around.” It was the voice of an unfamiliar man, deep yet rich with a tone that sounded like honey. Hearing it put you in a brief state of shock as you tried to guess who the owner of the voice was and what he was talking about.

“Is this... V?” 

“It is,” he responded, this time with a hint of enthusiasm dipped into his voice. “I know I’m your virus, but I think you’re lacking some Vitamin V. Or in this case, Vitamin Me.”

You could practically sense the smirk that was probably on his face, the face you had never seen before. “Ew,” you fake gagged. “That pickup line was greasier than all of your jokes combined. What are you playing at?”

“What do you think about meeting up?”

“V, we’re technically still strangers to one another. How do I not know you’re just plotting to, I dunno, kidnap me or something?”

“After days of interaction, I wouldn’t consider us strangers. But hey, if I wanted to I would’ve done something a long time ago.”

You sighed briefly, pinching the bridge of your nose in the process. “Let’s say we were going to meet up. How would we do it?”

“Hey, that ad that installed my virus said you would “find singles near you”. I’m a single near you, so we can meet up somewhere local.” Just as he finished speaking, a faint sound of an engine zoomed by in the background of the audio.

Realizing what the sound would have meant cued another sigh. “Don’t tell me you’re already somewhere we can meet up!”

His only response this time was a laugh. Sweet and soft to listen to, but irked you nonetheless. The next thing you knew you were already grabbing your jacket off the coat hook, and you pulled open the door.

“I just left my house. Where are you now?”

“I’m just on that street with all the convenience stores.”

Your legs were taking you at a faster pace now. The location was more than familiar to you, and it was thankfully close by. “How will I know it’s you?”

“You’ll get there and see a cute guy waiting outside one of the shops.”

Nothing could’ve prevented you from rolling your eyes. “Seriously, V. What do you look like?”

“Alrightie, alright! I’ll take a picture of myself for your convenience. You’ll find it in your photo gallery.”

You nodded, despite the fact V couldn’t see (or he just wasn’t looking through your phone’s camera at the moment), and crossed the street to the next block.

“One last thing!” you were caught off guard by the voice on the other side of the line. “Just call me Taehyung from now on.” And with that, he hung up.

The destination was close now, so you unlocked your phone to check the photos. A new picture emerged from the top of the collection, and your eyes widened at the picture that was supposedly V (or Taehyung, as he had requested).

Sandy brown hair that framed his handsome face was styled messily, yet cutely. He had a white face mask on, and although the accessory and the peace sign he was doing with his hand obstructed a large portion of his appearance, Taehyung was undeniably attractive. It was hard for you to believe that this was the same person responsible for the virus in your phone.

As you looked up from the screen, you realized that you had just arrived at the street Taehyung claimed he was waiting on. At this point, you bolted towards the sole figure who seemed to resemble the picture you had just seen, even from afar.

“Taehyung?” you called out to him, claiming his attention completely.

The young man pulled his face mask to rest upon the tip of his chin, revealing an adorably boxy grin. “That would be me.”

You weren’t sure what caused you to do so, but the next thing you knew you were already pulling him into a tight embrace. “You’re actually real,” you breathed in amazement, making eye contact with Taehyung.

“Of course I am! Real and single,” he winked playfully, and you unhanded him quicker than you had ran to him. “What about you?” he then asked after a brief chuckle.

“What about me?” You tilted your head to the side ever so slightly.

“I mean, are you still single? Because you’re not lonely anymore, not with me around. If you are, well, I could totally change that right?”

Now it was your turn to laugh, but the corner of your lips quirked upward at his eagerness. “We’ll see about that.”

"Speaking of seeing things, we should go watch a movie," Taehyung declared. "I'll pay for you. Then you won't have to go on an illegal website to watch it for free."

You hit him in the arm lightly in response to the tease. He stuck his tongue out in return, looking an awful lot like his pixellated virus counterpart, but still managed to weave his arm around yours.

[tokupedia]

Kamen Rider 45th Anniversary File: Ghost

2016: 

The WORST YEAR IN RECENT RECORDED HUMAN HISTORY- The End

....

Okay, that’s a little unfair to you guys, let’s start over..

2016:

Ultraman Orb aired, concluded and is available on Crunchyroll.

Ultraman turns 50, having begun back in 1966.

Kamen Rider Amazons, a modern reimagining of the 1975 show Kamen Rider Amazon, premieres on Amazon Prime Japan two days before the date of Kamen Rider’s 45th Anniversary on April 1st. It is considered one of the darkest entries of the Kamen Rider franchise and is the first online exclusive Kamen Rider show.

The Magical Girl Genre, of which Sailor Moon, Cutie Honey, Pretty Cure and so many other super heroines are a part of, is now 50 years old thanks to Sally the Witch who was created way back in 1966 by Mitsuteru Yokoyama.

Go! Princess Pretty Cure ends and Mahou Girls PreCure! debuts.

Super Sentai reaches its 40th Season and 2,000th Episode with Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger! Anthropomorphic Animal Rangers fight to defend the Earth, with the help of a human zoologist. Also, we get a new version of Super Sentai Hero Getter and the Gokaigers make a guest appearance!

Anno, get in the chair! Hideaki Anno of Neon Genesis Evangelion fame takes control of the Godzilla franchise as Toho decides to start making Godzilla movies and media again locally with Shin Godzilla. This creates an interesting cinematic paradox where both Japan and America are making Godzilla simultaneously and both are successful and will have follow ups in the future.

Garo gets animated in 2015 and comes to America for the first time in 2016 on DVD courtesy of Funimation. (Thanks guys!)

Garo also gets an omnibus series in Garo: Makai Retsuden, collecting tales of supporting characters in the Garo franchise rather than focus solely on the Golden Knight (though a few bearers of the armor do appear in a few bits including Kouga!).

Toei declares the anniversaries of Kamen Rider and Super Sentai to be a “Super Hero Year” and dedicates the year doing projects to celebrate the occasion, including bringing back Hiroshi Fujioka as Takeshi Hongo/Kamen Rider 1 in a crossover movie with a brand new look!

On April 3, 2016, a staple of Japanese pop culture turned 45 years old. Then again, 2016 was a red letter date for anniversaries as so many things we loved hit a milestone number.

Given that, Toei decided to set a theme of “History” and the “Wonders of being alive” for the next series. So they chose a dead guy for their next hero...wait what? The overall theme was famous figures from history (and one fictional one) giving their powers to the heroes. So think Kid Eternity meets Danny Phantom. 

Ghost did have interesting designs, courtesy of Kamen Rider and Ishinomori super-fan and manga artist Kazuhiko Shimamoto and his studio Big Bang Productions as well as Blend Master (though from what I could gather they got shafted when it came time for Mugen form). The Rider Ghosts all wear hoodie jackets and their method of transformation is a variation on Gaim where the “ghost parka” floats around the user before descending onto the armor.

Yes, but see, Ghost is the first series I kind of...stopped watching. It had promise and a likable hero, but fell flat in the last third as it meandered its plot around. As it turns out, we have our old “pal” Shinichiro Shirakura to thank for that, as he let go of the writers halfway into the show and had them replaced (Ep. 24 is where things started to change). You would think he would learn to leave well enough alone, but because Toei was running two Rider Shows at once, cuts apparently needed to be made. 

A noticeable cut was the dropping of motorcycle helmet manufacturer Shoei as a sponsor, as Toei went with its competitor Arai. This was a bit shocking given that Shoei has supported the series since the late Showa Era by providing safety equipment.

Also not helping was that Bandai kinda went nuts on the shilling of merchandise and didn’t give this series much room to breathe, making some of the forms or devices the Riders used feel tacked on or just filler after being seen just once. 

Still the show had its good moments, the messages about life, how an individual’s life impacts others and living it are inspiring. I have even heard whispers of some who thought of committing suicide saying that this series inspired them to keep on living and not give up. 

One especially touching story of the power of Takeru Tenkuji was written in the Asahi Shimbun about a sick toddler who was afraid to take his medicine. However, seeing Kamen Rider Ghost face danger head on and a special message from Shun Nishime inspired the adorable tyke to take his medicine. It showcases the kind of impact this “silly superhero show” as some deride it as has had on generations of Japanese citizens as a franchise. Being a super hero in acting sometimes rubs off and makes the person playing them aspire to live up to that symbol or be better people.

It should be noted that this series also has a few winks and nods to the Kamen Rider Series. The mailman who delivers packages is named Mr. Onodera (the birth name of Shotaro Ishinomori), a computer in the wall of the basement of Tenkuji Temple is a prop used for Shocker bases, a continuity nod to the preceding series is shown in a flashback and one company in the world of the series is the Sengoku Corporation.

But let’s move on...

LIFE! BURN BRIGHT!

DAI KAIGAN! FILE OMEGA DRIVE!

(The late Mr. Tenkuji, circa 2016)

Real Name: Takeru Tenkuji (I love Marvel Style alliterative names, so amusing.)

As the opening narration every episode informs viewers:

“My Name is Takeru Tenkuji, on my 18th birthday I was killed by a Gamma and I became Kamen Rider Ghost.” 

Takeru Tenkuji is the son of a famous Ghost Hunter, Ryu Tenkuji, and during one of his hunts, Ryu is killed by a ghost. This leaves Takeru an orphan and is taken in by a disciple of Ryu’s temple, the monk Onari (who has taken a vow of Ham instead of silence or singing). Takeru also grows up with Akari, his childhood friend, whom grows into more of a scientist with a skeptical view on ghosts.

Takeru is trained by Onari to be a Ghost Hunter and on his 18th birthday receives a strange package from Mr. Onodera, a gift from his late father that contained an eyeball-like orb. He has no time to investigate, as something invisible begins attacking them: The Gamma, evil spirits from another dimension.

Takeru manages to fend off these monsters for a bit to protect Akari and Onari, but the Katana Gamma slices Takeru up and he dies.

But death is not the end of our hero as a mysterious figure and a talkative snarky spook appear and the old man offers the boy a chance to live again. Sennin, as he calls himself, bestows Takeru with a belt like device and says he can return to life for 99 days as a ghost and regain his life permanently by finding the 15 Heroic Eyecons of famous people and can become a Kamen Rider to stop the Ganma from getting their hands on them. If Takeru fails, he dies for good.

He is sent back and defeats the Gammas,using his own soul as a source of power in an Eyecon for the Ghost Driver to become Kamen Rider Ghost. Yurusen tells him the rules of being a ghost and eventually lets Onari and Akari in on what is going on. They help him find the heroic Eyecons, with Onai setting up a paranormal investigation and elimination agency (No, not that one, though we do get Akari acting kinda Egon-ish at times.). Akari creates ghost-busting equipment to defeat the weaker grunts of the Gamma or hold them off until Takeru arrives, though she is still skeptical on the supernatural and believes that Ghosts can be explained scientifically . Together they fight the Gamma, collect the Eyecons, meet new allies and enemies! 

During one event, Kamen Rider Drive was in his final battle and had a near death experience. Somehow entering the realm of the dead, Ghost told Shinnosuke not to go into the afterlife (resembling a black void). Drive’s old foes come out of the void and Ghost fends their “ghosts” off (why do androids have ghosts? Meh, Comics.) while Shinnouske goes toward the light, which wakes him up. He later encounters Ghost again during a case and this directly ties into the series as it involves the Newton Eyecon (though canonicity is a bit wobbly).

Despite my “meh” attitude on the series now in its later end, looking back Takeru is the most likable Rider as he goes above and beyond what it means to be a hero, selflessly giving to save others even at the risk of his own soul when he himself has so much he could lose. He perfectly encapsulates what a Kamen Rider is at times.

Powers:

Like any classic ghost of standard media, Takeru can walk through walls, disappear and fly (well, more like floating and super agility until Mugen form). Takeru can also read a person’s soul/mind and see their memories by touching them or their soul if it is removed from the body. He also has a sorta “Rider Sense”, as he can sense some powerful evil spirits.  Since he is already dead (*insert Fist of the North Star Joke here*), Takeru cannot be severely harmed in any way and is near invulnerable, but not invincible. Spirit mediumship allows him to talk to ghosts.

Takeru can become solid like a human being if his emotional state is positive and he can create powerful barriers when he is in an emotional state where he does not want to be bothered by anyone.

Eyecon Powers:

Musashi: Skilled Swordsmanship

Edison: Electricity Generation/Absorption and elemental weapon augmentation. Enhanced thinking ability via electrical stimuli

Robin Hood: Expert Marksmanship, barrier shield, Energy Arrows, Cloning ability.

Issac Newton: Gravity manipulation pulses on a very powerful scale, as it can levitate heavy landmasses. Able to attract or repel objects and deliver powerful blows or immobilize targets.

Beethoven: Sound and music manipulation, literally as it creates constructs of music notes made of pure sound. Sonic blasts.

Billy the Kid: Expert Gun marksmanship, More Dakka, sniping abliity.

Benkei: Super strength, weapon mastery, energy constructs, concussive hit, localized seismic generation, Stop, Hammer Time!.

Toucon Boost: Kill it with Fire (generation powers)

Goemon: Super speed.

Ryoma: ???

Himiko: Magic abilities

Ikkyu: Levitating, able to summon stuffed Tigers from paintings to bite Gamma. 

Mugen: High defense, flight via rainbow wings and maximum attack power

He can utilize his emotions as weapons in Mugen form, feeling a specific emotion will allow him to execute a certain attack. 

Weaknesses:

Ghost still can die if time on his life extension runs out or his Ore Eyecon is destroyed as that contains his soul. 

Despite being immune to most damage, Takeru can still feel pain as spirit and the overwhelming sensation of intense pain could cause him to pass out. He also suffered from a bit of self-confidence issues at first but later improves. If the Heroic Spirits refuse to work with him, this could weaken him or render his powers in Grateful form unbalanced at best or to shut down at worst. The Eyecons can be swiped and used by other Ghost Drivers, even making the spirit inside the Eyecon act against their will in some cases. 

Ghost is also not immune to electricity in certain forms such as Musashi, as he becomes a walking lightning rod. Though Edison negates this due to its powers. If a mystical barrier is up, Takeru cannot phase though an object. 

His ability to talk to the dead is a bit problematic, as nobody but him can see them and as a result he looks beaucoup cuckoo to muggles as it looks like he’s talking to himself. (Though Akari comes up with a way for normal humans to see ghosts and whomever is mortal that holds a Ghost Eyecon can see them as well)

Now that he can use his powers as a living person, he can die again using any of the conventional means.

Gear:

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Ghost_Driver

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Ghost_Eyecons

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Ghost_Gadgets

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Gan_Gun_Saber

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Newton_Damashii_Gloves

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Machine_Ghostriker

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Ghost

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Iguana_Ghostriker - Don’t ask me what Ghosts have to do with Iguanas, it is what it is.

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Eyecon_Driver_G

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Sunglasseslasher

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Deep_Slasher

Enemy:

The Gamma

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Gamma

The Gamma are a race extra-dimensional beings that are like ghosts. They have several objectives, one is to find Eyecons to grant themselves greater power. If they cannot find one, they try to create one by corrupting a human until they go mad and extract their soul to create an Eyecon. 

The last one is to turn the human world into another Gamma World so that a “Deathless utopia” can come...by killing the original world’s inhabitants or converting them into Gamma. Gamma are actually humans who wanted to escape death, but their plans didn’t work out.

[thebookbeard-blog]

December is for Star Wars.

At least that's what I decided at the end of 2015 after watching The Force Awakens, a movie that re-kindled a love and passion that had been dormant since my teenage years. I went back to the theater three more times. I left each showing feeling like a kid, in the best of ways. I was, at almost thirty years old, Star Wars trash once again -- a label that I happily and readily accepted. I began to consume more SW-related pop culture. I started watching Star Wars Rebels, which in time I came to realize captures the spirit of the original trilogy better than almost anything else. I started reading some of the comics being put out by Marvel at the time, chiefly Kieron Gillen's Darth Vader run, a brilliant piece of storytelling on its own. Then I started to explore some of the books set in the Star Wars universe. 

The trash of the thing.

The first SW book I ever read was Claudia Gray's Lost Stars. My expectations were low: Star Wars is such a visually rich setting, after all, and I had doubts as to how well it would translate to the written word. If anything, I only expected a fun romp through the Star Wars universe. I certainly didn't expect it to be an arresting and heart-wrenching piece of fiction. But it turned out to be both. I loved it enough that it was the first book I picked as a favorite read for last year. And I loved Gray's writing enough that I would eagerly pick up whatever she wrote for the expanded universe next. The fact that this happened to be a story that focused on Leia increased my interested only by a hell of a lot.

Bloodline features and older, wiser, slightly weary Leia, still serving in her function as a Senator for the New Republic. At the beginning of the story, tired of all the ceremony and hypocrisy of politics, she's determined to retire from it all, but not before engaging in one last diplomatic mission which she hopes will do some actual, genuine good for the galaxy -- not to mention serve as one final adventure. That this adventure should prove to uncover a vast and deep conspiracy that threatens not only her personal safety and reputation but the fate of the entire galaxy should really come as no big surprise -- this is a Star Wars story, after all.

Gray's portrayal of Leia is beautifully nuanced, and balances the political and personal aspects of the character with grace and aplomb. This is a Leia that is a brilliant and savvy politician, as well as a bad-ass who knows how to handle a blaster and is ready to throw down at a moment’s notice.

Leia lifted her blaster, losing her sights on Rinnrivin’s guard — and targeting the central strut of the tunnel support directly overhead. One bolt held the entire thing together. That bolt was no larger than a child’s fist. At this range, in semi-darkness, perhaps one shot in a thousand might be capable of destroying that bolt. But Leia made the shot.

In short, the very same Leia that we all know and love. The same Leia that the late, great Carrie Fisher brought to life. Gray's capable prose does her more than enough justice.

The story is made all the more interesting by the fact that it deals heavily with politics, something that the prequels tried to do with very mixed and muddy results. It’s one of the more fascinating aspects in Bloodline however, and the intrigue and West Wing-like drama of it all carries the story through. That the political landscape of the novel happens to look very much like our own just adds a more surreal and slightly ominous layer to it all. 

Gray has gone on record to say that Bloodline wasn’t written as commentary, but it's pretty hard, especially after the events of last November, not to view the story as a reflection of our current reality. Part of the reason that Leia wants to retire has to do with the Senate devolving into a two-party system -- parties that are themselves fragmented into conflicting fractions. She laments how "every debate on the Senate floor turns into an endless argument over ‘tone’ or ‘form’ and never about issues of substance." And try to read this bit of dialogue and tell me it doesn't sound like something you’d find on a recent think piece.

“Surely you won’t deny the New Republic is committing mistakes of its own.”

“Not the evils of tyranny and control.”

“No. The evils of absence and neglect.”

And, of course, there’s the now viral quote at the close of the book that has gained new relevance in light of yesterday's marches:

“The sun is setting on the New Republic," Leia said. "It's time for the Resistance to rise.”

Indeed. 

Bloodline is both a brilliant character portrait and relevant social commentary. Claudia Gray can write Star Wars like no other and I will read anything she writes in this universe.

After dealing with the heady but heavy themes of Bloodline however, I figured I was due some for some warmth and comfort. At which point I usually turn to a Rainbow Rowell book.

I love Rainbow Rowell. I love her quirky and clever and passionate writing (if there was a book equivalent to Gilmore Girls, it would be a Rowell book). I love her amazing and uncanny ability to make you fall for a character in almost no time at all.

This same talent is brilliantly showcased in Kindred Spirits, a slim novella that, over the course of sixty-two pages, manages to have more character development than most sprawling, brick-sized novels.

It's an unfair gift, really.

This is a story about three Star Wars geeks camping out in desolate line in front of an Omaha theater for the premiere of The Force Awakens. It is lovely, and it is charming, and it is so wonderful. I finished the story in one sitting, desperately wishing there was a full-length novel featuring these characters that I could immediately pick up. Heartwarming and beautiful.

And so December rolled around once more, and with it another Star Wars film, because Disney will never be stopped.

But of course I loved almost everything about Rogue One: I loved its beautiful and beautifully diverse cast, I loved its relentless and brutal pace, I even dug its CGI missteps. It's a dark, dark film, to be sure, but it also seems very apt and timely. Rebellions are built on hope, etc.

I picked up the Rogue One: A Star Wars Story novelization by Alexander Freed because I kept coming across good reviews. I was skeptical -- I had tried to read Alan Dean Foster's adaptation of The Force Awakens and found the writing style so tedious that I couldn't get past the first chapter. Thankfully though Freed doesn't seem to suffer from this: his writing style is relatively spartan and straightforward, which serves this kind of story well. Even so I was still very much surprised at how much I enjoyed reading this, and even more surprised at how much more depth it managed to add to the story. 

One of the main criticisms about the film is that we don't spend enough individual time with the characters too feel much of anything when they meet their ultimate fate. Which is fair: movie's are all about the external after all, whereas in books and comics you can delve more into the character's feelings and motivations -- literally get inside their heads. This is what Freed does in the novelization, and to great effect. We get so many details regarding each character's background, personality, and motivation.

Cassian stashed his paranoia in the back of his brain -- out of the way but within easy reach.

Jyn knew the sounds of occupation well. They were the sounds of home.

Baze did not limit his targets to those who might spot the blind man, but he kept Chirrut under observation nonetheless; where the Force would fail Chirrut, Baze would not.

And it does affect how you feel about the characters as the plot happens to them. This is made most evident in K-2SO's final scene, an already heartbreaking moment in the film, but here Freed adds one last final touch that makes is all the more tragic and all the more beautiful. Totally evil stuff, but good nonetheless.

This device isn't limited to the characters either: for the more technical aspects of the plot we get things like communiques and log entries interspersed throughout the story, and they are also used to great effect. In a particularly brilliant entry, we get to find out just how Galen Erso, with the help of sheer bureaucratic nonsense, ensures the flaw he engineered in the Death Star reactor remains in place. A detail that is both morbidly hilarious and also incredibly realistic.

I do think that one of the things that makes the movie such a visceral experience gets totally lost in the translation, however, and that is much of the action. Freed does a serviceable job, but the action still very much slows down and lack urgency and tension. Darth Vader’s big scene is an absolute show-stopper in the movie, for example, whereas here it reads as very much anticlimactic. 

But that is admittedly a minor criticism that applies mostly to the third act, and I do think that the material and information that was added to the story more than makes up for it.

Highly recommend reading this before you watch Rogue One for the eight time.

It was raining. It didn’t rain in L.A. It was raining in L.A. and I was Princess Leia. I had never been Princess Leia before and now I would be her forever. I would never not be Princess Leia.

And then there's Carrie. Oh Carrie.

December was a particularly tough month in a particularly tough year. Too many artists I admired passed away, and then halfway through December I went a personal loss that left me dazed and numb. Then Carrie Fisher died, and it all struck me as once, and I was just sad for a long while.

I had downloaded The Princess Diarist shortly after finishing the Rogue One novelization. It seemed like an appropriate follow up, and I've been meaning to read Fisher's stuff for years anyway. It stayed unread on my tablet for a bit (the aforementioned personal loss took any desire I had to read much), but I picked it up immediately after learning of Carrie's death. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

The Princess Diarist is about Fisher looking back on diary entries she had penned in the late seventies, during the filming of Star Wars. It's a meditation on fame and growing up in Hollywood and being young and growing old. It's a wonderful read. Raunchy and hilarious and clever; whimsical and melancholy. Brutally honest and full of life truths. I highlighted a great many passages:

The crew was mostly men. That’s how it was and that’s pretty much how it still is. It’s a man’s world and show business is a man’s meal, with women generously sprinkled through it like overqualified spice.

I looked at her aghast, with much like the expression I used when shown the sketches of the metal bikini. The one I wore to kill Jabba (my favorite moment in my own personal film history), which I highly recommend your doing: find an equivalent of killing a giant space slug in your head and celebrate that.

Back then I was always looking ahead to who I wanted to be versus who I didn’t realize I already was, and the wished-for me was most likely based on who other people seemed to be and the desire to have the same effect on others that they had had on me.

I don’t just want you to like me, I want to be one of the most joy-inducing human beings that you’ve ever encountered. I want to explode on your night sky like fireworks at midnight on New Year’s Eve in Hong Kong.

Because what can you do with people that like you, except, of course, inevitably disappoint them?

I wish that I could leave myself alone. I wish that I could finally feel that I punished myself enough. That I deserved time off for all my bad behavior. Let myself off the hook, drag myself off the rack where I am both torturer and torturee.

I was sitting by myself the other night doing the usual things one does when spending time alone with yourselves. You know, making mountains out of molehills, hiking up to the top of the mountains, having a Hostess Twinkie and then throwing myself off the mountain. Stuff like that.

Trying relentlessly to make you love me, but I don’t want the love -- I quite prefer the quest for it. The challenge. I am always disappointed with someone who loves me -- how perfect can he be if he can’t see through me?

I call people sometimes hoping not only that they’ll verify the fact that I’m alive but that they’ll also, however indirectly, convince me that being alive is an appropriate state for me to be in.

I had feelings for him (at least five, but sometimes as many as seven).

Time shifts and your pity enables you to turn what was once, decades ago, an ordinary sort of pain or hurt, complicated by embarrassing self-pity, into what is now only a humiliating tale that you can share with others because, after almost four decades, it’s all in the past and who gives a shit?

This is a joy of a book, but it still made me sad. Sad that I never got to read and appreciate her written work while she was alive. Sad because the beautiful gem of a person who wrote these true beautiful things was now gone, drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra, and we'll never, ever see her like again.

“Carrie?” he asked. I knew my name. So I let him know I knew it. “Yeah,” I said in a voice very like mine.

Good night, Space Momma. Thank you for you voice. Thank you for being so unabashedly you.                                                                                           

[recentanimenews]

The Legend of Urashima: ISLAND and the Secret to a Good Time Travel Story

  The concept of time travel in fiction has almost infinite possibilites. From new opportunities to adventures to questions of morality, there's always something new to explore, and always in a different venue.

  That said, with as common as time travel is, it's easy to fall into certain traps and tropes. Plus, exploring the idea in a way that hasn't already been done to death is extremely difficult. But visual novel turned anime ISLAND is, now halfway through its run, definitely looking to approach some of those more obscure and unique angles.

  The first of those angles, funnily enough, is: is there even time travel going on?

Given the sepia-toned flashbacks we get here and there, the answer is going to run up to a solid "yes," almost certainly. But in the meantime, there's been so much bait-and-switch when it comes to smaller elements of the plot that just as we feel we're starting to get answers, we end up rolling straight back to our first question.

  It may not be an unheard-of tactic, but it's certainly a rare one. Generally in stories of time travel or time bending, the first thing the author needs us to do is accept that the concept exists in the story's universe, then tell us how it's done, and then get into things. Whether it's as fanciful as the phone booths of Doctor Who and Bill & Ted, as bordering on scientific as Timeline, or as weirdly cerebral as staring at a penny a la Somewhere in Time, there's a function established.

  Until episode 7, no theoretical method of time travel is even presented. We only have the words of unreliable narrators, plus a handful of flashbacks showing familiar-looking people with bigger busts or shorter hair. Only now, more than halfway through the series, do we even have a potential method for Setsuna's arrival. But for the most part, we're operating on faith.

  Which why it's extra handy to have a genre-savvy character like Sara Garando in the cast.

    Modern-day time travel fiction runs into the same problem that modern-day zombie movies do: there's so much of it in the real world already that not crediting its existence makes the characters sound like they live under a rock. Just as victims of a zombie outbreak in 2018 would have seen Night of the Living Dead and The Walking Dead and lots of other things ending in "Dead," a modern-day person will at the very least know that movies like the Terminator films exist.

  That awareness is encapsulated in Sara, with her String Theory and her encyclopedic knowledge of time travel fiction from the Golden Age of sci-fi. It's likely that the rest of Urashima's inhabitants have occasionally read a book or watched a TV show involving the concept, but Sara covers every potential angle of that knowledge. This comes in handy for plot-related reasons, but it also prevents the cast of characters from ever appearing too out of the loop when it comes to their issue's depiction in pop culture.

  That said, Sara is a member of the cast. One of the three main girls, in fact. And so she has her own motivations and wants. And that's where ISLAND's use of the trope is especially unique: for much of the story, the concept of time travel is used not as an active device, but as a way to learn more about our characters.

    Of our three heroines — Rinne, Karen, and Sara — Rinne is the most invested in the legend of Urashima Island. And she would be: she bears the name of its doomed legendary princess. And we already know Urashima goes pretty hard with its legends and beliefs, albeit in varying ways. Much of her identity at the beginning of the series is tied up in being that Rinne, and Setsuna being that Setsuna, even to a point that she admits that she'll pretend it's true even if she finds out it's not.

  In recent episodes, Rinne's need for time travel to be real, possible, and accessible becomes even more immediate. New memories and information mean her situation is constantly shifting. She has clearly experienced something. And whether her destiny is with this Setsuna or another, the ability to move to a different time has become essential to her identity.

  Sara, as mentioned before, has her own needs early on, which she believes can only be solved provided time travel exists. Her theory has some heavy Back to the Future vibes, but trimming away the sci-fi shows us someone burdened (wrongly, at that) with guilt, who wants a chance to fix things. At least in that moment, she needs time travel to be real. Because, like Rinne, she ties the cause and effect of it very deeply to her purpose.

  As for Karen... funnily enough, though her problem only required a trip to the mainland to solve, her journey may well be the most tied to whatever is going on behind the scenes on Urashima Island.

    There's no shortage of ways to play with the concept of time travel in fiction. Books, film, and television have used is as an exploration of everything from history to personal morality to romance. But in ISLAND, the concept lurks under the surface as a possibility or even a hope. It may be the kickoff to the events taking place, but it isn't the kickoff to the narrative itself. It's the answer we need, and the answer we'll (probably) be waiting on for a few more episodes.

  Can you unravel the mystery? Watch ISLAND on Crunchyroll!

  -----

  Kara Dennison is responsible for multiple webcomics, and is half the creative team behind the OEL light novel series Owl's Flower. She blogs at karadennison.com and tweets @RubyCosmos. Her latest book, Black Archive #21 – Heaven Sent, is currently available from Obverse Books.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[kriscinemadiary-blog]

Film #1 - Pitch Perfect 3

I forget how I saw the first Pitch Perfect film originally, but I know it wasn’t in the cinema. Whether it was one of those chance stumbled upon films on Sky Movies, or perhaps my fiancée, Sara, had heard good things and put it on... all I know is that it was brilliant. The music was fantastic, and the comedy was riotous! Rebel Wilson stole any scene she was in, something that has become her calling card in Hollywood and the biting commentary from Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins throughout brought even more laughs.

Pitch Perfect 2 was a film I did go to see in the cinema, a redemption story for the Barden Bellas following them becoming a national embarrassment in front of President Obama. For this film the quality of the music just went up a level, and when I watch it I’m just gutted that Das Sound Machine aren’t a real band because if they performed a gig nearby I would be screaming “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!”

The final piece in PP2 with the international competition is just the icing on the cake, the different a’capella groups performing the same song, stitched together like a patchwork quilt until the last two groups do their big finish numbers. Naturally, the Barden Bellas win because this is how movies work people!

So, onto Pitch Perfect 3. Starting off with the Bellas (née Barden Bellas, now they’ve graduated) on a yacht performing Toxic to John Lithgow off of 3rd Rock From The Sun, there’s an explosion and we cut to a few weeks earlier with the Bellas all hating their everyday lives as graduates in the workplace. Still, there’s that big reunion show they’re looking forward to... sadly they get their wires crossed and from this they concoct a plan to be able to perform again, by getting on the line up for a touring show for the American military around the globe, where the most impressive group on the tour get to open up for some guy who always looks like he has more important things to be doing.

This on its own would be a good enough plot device, focusing on the music competition (there has to be a competition!), having a bit of fun with the expected riff off, a few montage shots set to a medley of a’capella pop music, and then the big battle of the bands at the end. It wouldn’t be high art, but it’d be entertaining and full of uplifting music. Jobs done.

Sadly they decided throughout all this, to shoehorn a plot where Fat Amy’s Dad comes back into her life, in the form of John Lithgow doing a dodgy Aussie accent, and written as convincingly as an early 90’s episode of Home & Away. Obviously Rebel makes this work for her, becoming a larger than life, kickass heroine, but it isn’t just so tonally different from the 2 films prior in the franchise, it seems out of place and like the writers got bored halfway through, and started writing an action flick.

Still, the music was decent, but not as good as the pinnacle that was Pitch Perfect 2.