#well yes it did <4 i was extremely isolated.

[strikersin]

If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .

But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute

[praetorqueenreyna]

I love reading about u talk about acotar, really intrigues me enough to consider reading the books, I'm also very interested in any and all fandom gossip, so please please please tell me what is the current situation? What is elaingate in reference to? 👀👀👀

WELL FIRSTABLE if you read the books, stop after the first one 😂 and THANK YOU FOR ASKING I will relay the tale of some of the most low-stakes fandom drama to ever exist that I accidentally started WHOOPSIE

On July 24, 2024, the blog for Elain Archeron Week posted the rules for the event. There were 4 rules, one of which was that they wouldn't allow ships with "known abusers" and listed Tamlin and Beron as examples (I assume you know who Tamlin is lmao, Beron is a kind of generic Mean Dad character). ACOTAR fandom is known for being puritanical and religiously devoted to canon, but this is a new development. Event week mods have ignored/not reblogged content they don't like that was submitted for their week, but this is the first one I've seen that outright BANNED anything.

There was already a little kickback that mostly has to do with the two competing ships for Elain, elriel and elucien. They both think the other is the DEVIL even though both ships are equally boring. Apparently, the Elain Week is run by elriels, and eluciens were already huffy about the wording of an ask wondering if elucien would be allowed in the event. This part of the story is boring and doesn't have anything to do with me, the star of the show, so I will move on.

Anyway! A few fandom friends sent me links and screenshots of all of this because it's objectively funny. I made a post talking about how funny it was, which brought attention to it on this side of the fandom. My mutuals (the most hilarious people on the planet) asked what was going on, and immediately joined in on the fun. Memes were created at an astronomical rate. Art, fic, and poems for every possible ship of those three characters were made. Amazingly enough, Tamlin/Beron has had a huge surge of content, as the two men named and specifically banned from the week. I started tagging the posts #elaingate, and apparently it caught on enough that the tag now has over 100 posts in it.

To clarify!! The issue has never been about the ships themselves. There are VERY few Tamlin/Elain shippers on tumblr, which I know because I have run multiple demographic surveys and crunched the numbers. And absolutely NOBODY was making Beron/Elain. You have to understand how bland this fandom is. They consider one of the most degenerate, disgusting ships to be the main male character and....his wife's sister. And it certainly isn't isolated to elain/elriel stans, they were just the unlucky bastards to finally verbalize these insidious issues with fandom, especially ACOTAR fandom. Mostly just that the fandom is EXTREMELY conservative, and also that people that like the Popular Thing always have to make themselves out to be the ultimate victims. It's also in poor taste for running an event week. Yes, event weeks are run by fans in their free time, but the idea is to inspire EVERYBODY to create for the thing that you're a fan of. If you're so precious that simple seeing a ship you don't like sends you to the fainting couch, an event week is probably not the thing for you.

I wrote a whole essay on modern ACOTAR fandom here then deleted it bc YOU DID NOT ASK. But anyway THAT IS ELAINGATE we are all being very silly.

[sirensea14]

Yes!! Tell us more about Siren!

Whats her talent??

Where did she come from?? (Like her backstory, her childhood etc..) And why is she homeless??

Whats her powers?

And does she even have friends?? (Aside from the questers ofc)

(I sound like Holly lol)

Heheee.

Her talent is a bit dangerous. Soul Snatch, as the name implies, she can snatch souls out of the toon's body. But she cannot manipulate it to an extent or swap souls with another like Lukahd. But still, its a bit violent for a toon.

When the questers were in Talent Town, the talent seer or the one that checks toons' talents (whatever theyre called), was scared of her. They wanted to rate hers as 5 but she requested it to fall for 1 star. She didnt want to draw much attention to herself, despite the harsh treatment towards 1-star talents. And during the Labyrinth arc, she almost did this to Boris and Mayhem out of self defense. Also this instilled fear to Sarah, so much so that she was 50/50 in sending the Night Terror to go after her.

Her childhood starts at the sea. Shes a mermaid of course. However in one of her play days with her friends (4 y/o), she accidentally got a bit rough and snatched out their soul, causing her to get banished from the Pacific Ocean (she was born in this area). [It was also rumoured that when she was born, she took her mother's life due to her talent and eventually her father too, leaving her orphaned.] Then she travelled everywhere till a human toon found her, she fought back but eventually snatched his soul out, uncontrollably. She ran away again and her fins led her to the atlantic ocean, near the States. And when she arrived there (13y/o) she learnt that she can turn into a human due to snatching numerous souls before her final destination. She did things like hiding, stealing, sleeping under bridges, canals, near rivers and even caves. Until she found a town to reside in, a remote town. She was gaining control over her talent around the age of 15. Siren stole food, clothes, and money and was homeless throughout her journey (16y/o). The police eventually caught her, she got a grasp to her talent and again, tried to resist. But she had no choice, she snatched all of the police officers' souls and also took the other folks because theyre regarded as witnesses.

The town was then empty. Siren have been burying this heavy guilt in her soul. She has taken so many lives.

Thats why she and bendy can relate to each other, they were both orphans and were shunned by people but Siren was... a bit too extreme.

At the age 16, she left the empty town and wandered everywhere, till at the age of 18 she got to Toon Town. She got more careful after that last experience, she laid low, stayed homeless, applied temporary but many jobs at once (hence darkening circles around her eyes even more. It was already dark because of the nightmares and sleepless nights are getting more frequent), and stopped anyone from being friends with her. She didnt want any attachments due to her Soul Snatching talent. But she's also got one more reason why she doesnt want attachements... (I want to say this answer in a separate ask :3 that is, if asked)

She met the questers at the age of 22. First was bendy, when he was chilling at a bar.

She's homeless because she doesnt want any toon near her. She deems herself as an untrustworthy and horrible person. But she also has trust issues and often isolates herself from others.

Her powers include her talent: Soul Snatching, and water manipulation attacks and healing. She is also quite stealthy even at the day, but she prefers sneaking at night. She also has powers to turn her legs into fish tail and vice versa on free will.

Also i forgot to mention, she can sing pretty well that hypnotizes anyone loving babes in her vincinity, like how Ebi did it inher performance in the Dark Circus. But it can still affect anyone depending on what song she sings (ex: lullaby affcets babies and parents, love songs affects men and women etc) It makes them feel strong emotions and you have to actually cover your ears cuz focus cannot prevent you from veing hypnotized.

She doesnt have any particular friends. Prevents attachments. She forced herself to forget her past (but it haunts her, especially during the Labyrinth arc)

And holly would be proud of ya XD

(im lovin these asks tbh)

[too-many-rooks]

Spoiler warning: Long rambly notes I took while watching season 3, disclaimer that a lot of this is just character moments/lines I found interesting and initial bones of an au idea for a burgeoning, extremely self indulgent slightly-darker-Alex in season 3 wip I’ve started.

Also it was the middle of the night and I was very tired and wired out of my gourd on some mix of cheap white wine and floods of hyperfixation-sourced dopamine. Also also I only started taking notes at ep 3?

Episode 3

Alex is SUCH a better spy this season than when he began even in the first few episodes prior to SCORPIA training he’s more careful and precise and the team feels better organised - he did so well on that boat I’m so proud of my baby

I’m actually enjoying Tom and Kyra fucking about more than I expected. Tom pulling Kyra together after the boat explosion suprised me by how emotive it was. But I do want them to.. go away. Alex should more isolated/desperate/have NO other choices than SCORPIA.

Everything in Malagosto seems so staged to just see how Alex will react to it all - here’s an unlocked door, here’s an Alex sized vent and a dead spot in the cameras, what are you gonna do about it? +Alex absolutely speaks French I think he’s just not giving that away yet

Oh yes yes lingering bad touch from Julia Rothman hitting the right notes even though that costume is a WILD kaftan moment. Evil carmen sandiago/noir femme fatale aesthetic where are you I miss you so much

Ohhhh Julia saying Ian walked away and abandoned him and that was what hit him worst oh my goooooooooood

(Outfit change from julie mean day change or is she just a multiple outfits a day kinda person. Believable, I guess)

Julia’s gaslighting I ssoooo crazy ‘we trust you. We want you.’ After having his closest people not trust him, and now maybe questioning if Ian even wanted him!

Julia fucking loved this, she’s totally thrilled by her own power. Queen 👸🏻.

God Jones and the department is going THROUGH IT THIS SEASON, just suddenly surrounded by corpses

Julia : offers irrefutable proof, upsets him, then presses him to continue believing what he did before and belittling his objections - very subtle but more firm tone of voice, less motherly/accepting, very clear that the noose around Alex’s neck is always there.

She’s so delighted at the prospect of making Alex into the perfect soldier

Julia: “I want you to meet your tutor”

Me: ‘here he here he comes here he comes.’ And then I threw of my blanket, pushed myself onto my knees, and started bouncing and palm clapping in sheer delight. I basically never happy stim like this but MY GOD the flood of dopamine is IMMENSE.

More manic laughter at the start of episode 4 realising I’m about to see John and young Yassen. Nicuragua! 18 years ago!

God nervous baby Yassen with a gun

HES!! SO!!! BABY!!!

Baby boy already got his colour scheme locked down

Baby Yassen has curls - is it just the humidity or maybe does he have naturally curly hair that he straightens so he looks less cute?

Johns actor has a real resemblance to Ian (and Jack Lowden) but less so to otto

Ohoho scar moment scar moment bc Yassen was nervous and fucked up two people one bullet

“Close your eyes” as I tell these people I’m going to shoot you and have faith

God cut to adult Yassen WATCHING ALEX SLEEP LOOKING SO INTENSE

“Leave the past behind us.” “Ian rider was a professional. It was not personal it was my job.” “Think of this as a school and your dead by the end of the day” (actual honesty for the first time)

Alex not committing to being able to work with Yassen is perfect

Yassen taking Alex TO HIS KNEES so easily besties not been slowed down too much by a bullet to the chest

Soaking wet!!!!!!!!

Alex shooting scene amazing, as was Yassen bursting into his room immediately after for a murder pep talk. Alex has no privacy privileges from Yassen

Yassen removing the humanity from his targets, names/faces/lives are irrelevant, they are just blank targets. “One day you’ll have to murder them.”

“That’s not gonna happen”

Yassen *be so ffr rn face*

Really interesting to see the other side of the department covering up an agent death and lying to the family - I like the department with more humanity/emotional resonance than pure ruthlessness

Shitty Malagosto communal dorm room and matching drab grey hoodies my beloved

Shame there’s no ‘your not afraid of a little prick are you?’ ‘I wouldn’t call you that’ line. (But switching out the ‘getting vaccinated will implant you with secret nano tech that will kill you’ plottline probs a good idea)

Ooooh Julia creepily poisoning him so excited making me think of her delighting in drugging him in a cocktail of ‘let me take care of you’ ways

Yassen pulling rank to break up the fight!!

Ooh Nile wants to take down Yassen so bad.

Toms film skills coming in clutch recording/ documenting things so Alex will be taken seriously, glad to see him be… less of a dead weight to the team

Begrudgingly-impressed-at-Alex Yassen, even with the “come on that’s a bad idea”, “yeah, but!” Teenagerisms

Yassen’s core (suppressed) emotions: fear, doubt, panic

Alex: love, hope, friendship (okay dear, 🙄 but remember you’re literally becoming an assassin why are you so niave all of a sudden?)

Alex insisting John saved him bc he had compassion and was his friend and that Yassen’s rejection of that makes him lonely oh oh my heart my heart

I LOVE how much fun Nile has being evil at his job of threatening children.

Episode 5

Oh my god HIT HIM ALEX where do you think you are? How do you think you’ll actually manage to get those trainees to trust you? Stop whining and hit the man with a wooden sword, christ

Smithers (in reference to Alex) “he’s out there being a teenager because of us” *cut to Alex, very much in danger, contemplating his capacity to kill*

Julia: “no one leaves,” [scorpia, me, interchangeable to her]

mission with Yassen!

Packing for the mission with Yassen!!!

Yassen can’t read his handwriting!!!

“You’ve put… lockpick?”

“I left my last one in Nile. “

Alex bitching about his meagre gadgets at point Blanc 💯

Matching tactical turtlenecks!!!

“I don’t want you to fail. I don’t want you to die.”

Alex and Yassen are a team but Yassen gives Alex command of them oh boysieeeee

Again glad they dropped the vaccine bit: vaccines aren’t dangerous, but vaping is!!

Of on a road trip with Yassen!!

A murder road trip!

Love Kyra seeing the shot and the body - I know why it didn’t happen but I do kinda wish for a more corrupted violent Alex coerced/bargained into firing it himself

That Tom confrontation was great - I do want to see it as like a ‘your getting in my way’ intentional cruelty to push him away and keep him safe when Alex is too deep in SCORPIA to be deluded about thinking he can go home

Alex rejects intimacy with Julia and she cracks down her authority ‘no one leaves’

Ep 6

Love Alex spooky in the cemetery, SCORPIA hot on his heels

Sharing a grotty safe house together god SO GOOD

“We trust each other. You should try it sometime.”

“If it’s not emotional why do you do it?”

“Because it’s my job. (Identity/life/personal connections/sacrificed everything for) I work for SCORPIA. I’m good at it. You could be too.” Olive branch of intimacy - wants alex to be more like him, so they can be equals, can share this life that he apparently finds satisfaction in, not thinking or making decisions beyond how best to achieve his goal/finish the task(/order)assigned to him/subject himself to feeling emotions/thinking about his life beyond his attempts to depersonalise himself as just a weapon - just a professional with no emotions, and that that is fundamentally who he is. Evidently having some inconvenient feelies about Alex tho.

Oh no his delivery disguise makes him look like a caveman. Glad he took off the accessories for the Jones confrontation, his hair actually looks great there all tousled. (Beginning to realise how important characters hair is to me bc I still hate Julia’s I want some dark perfect waves this Bob is ough)

I’m really glad they settled on Yassen NOT knowing about John - he twists it that John didn’t betray him bc he had nothing to gain from being kind to him, so it wasn’t false, but he is so 100% loyal to John, eager to twist any criticism. I do wish we’d seen more of their relationship, but expecting some Russian roulette bits was overly optimistic

“I know my place” he’s IMMEDIATELY off to rescue his boy (actually, where did he go? All of that last episode I was just WHAT ABOUT YASSEN? Was he just plotting a rescue that didn’t need to happen and waiting for his boy to show up?)

Dare I say… good for blunt? Stephen dillane is just so charming I can’t help but like him. And you see some flashes of his ruthlessness like when he talks to Greif but he’s not a 24/7 conniving monster. Also Jones in charge and Alex possibly (definitely) returning to spy work in a couple of years? I like that. Totally abandoning it would have felt unsatisfying.

Loved that moment on the roof - missed opportunity for them to awkwardly wave at each other, but I’m so happy I predicted wrongly and Yassen gets to live and walk away and put down his weapons. There’s so much space for how they can reconnect in that.

[biblicalhorror]

Okayyyyy yeah also let's talk about Tammy. I didn't know how I felt about her for awhile because she did very much feel like the Disposable Black Girlfriend, but I'm seeing people saying she's an "abuser" or God forbid "just as bad as Kevin" and that's just. Not at all true.

Yes, Tammy is controlling. She doesn't seem to really like Patty for who she is, and kind of seems to want to change her into someone else instead. HOWEVER, I think we need to look at the whole character to understand WHY she's like that. I don't think she's controlling Patty for personal gain or for the sake of manipulating her. I think she's lonely and desperate for companionship, which leads to her ignoring/pushing past the obvious incompatibility in her relationship with Patty.

Here's what we know about Tammy:

1. She seems to be the only black person in the Worcester social circle. She also mentions frequently how she's surrounded entirely by white men at work.

2. She is also the only openly lgbt person in the area, other than Patty, who is still not exactly out and proud.

3. She describes her entire job as "making excuses for" and "cleaning up after" the men at her job, particularly her partner (whose name I am unfortunately forgetting, does anyone remember?), who even had her plant evidence for him on at least one occasion.

4. Despite being very competent and good at her job, the white men around her keep failing upwards (she mentions a few times that people beneath her keep getting promoted) while she remains stagnant in her career. There doesn't seem to be any explanation for this other than the fact that she is a black lesbian in an extremely white, conservative community.

Basically, Tammy seems like someone who has been taught (like many black women) that she will have to work much harder than everyone else to get ahead in any capacity. She is also likely very, very lonely. She doesn't seem to have any friends outside of work, which isn't surprising given the above. It seems like she doesn't exactly have a ton of prospects, dating-wise, other than Patty. In my opinion, it's really no wonder that she clung to Patty so desperately and immediately and tried to forcibly mold her into someone who could be compatible. She's tough, smart, organized, direct, manipulative, no-nonsense and controlling because, well, she had to be. And she ends up trying to "rein in" Patty because, in her mind, what's the other option? She ends up alone, surrounded by men who force her to cover for their antics and don't care if she lives or dies.

I'm not saying her behavior is healthy. But it comes from an entirely different place than Kevin's abuse, or Chuck's, or even Neil's. And it's also not uncommon. In real life, I know many queer women (specifically small-town lesbians) who end up in relationship dynamics just like that over and over again because they start dating someone who doesn't quite fit, and they compensate for it by trying to force a connection instead of accepting loneliness and isolation. I have a lot of sympathy for Tammy. And I wish the show had taken more care to establish the abuse she faced from her coworkers off-camera.

[dynmghts]

i've always wondered how to best explain how i interpret katsuki's approach to friendships and bonds in general... and i think the root of it is that he didn't have a lot of that growing up.

and okay before you lynch me, let me explain:

from the way i perceive the progression of bnha, katsuki's only true friend was izuku. they had others in that group of course, like the flying kid who ended up becoming a nomu, and the two other kids who stuck with katsuki even through middle school - but to me, it felt more like they were more like followers than friends to katsuki. izuku always seemed more genuine. he always comes across as someone who did admire katsuki for his strengths, yes, but wanted to be close to him and have his friendship.

which he did for a while! then the river incident happened, and katsuki grew intimidated by the innate heroism he saw from izuku, which in turn made him shove away the only real friend he had. and although we don't have the full picture of their friendship before their falling out, i still think katsuki didn't develop a friendship like that with anyone else before ua.

looking at middle school now, most of the kids dislike his outward behaviour and try to call him out on it, but he's extremely dismissive of what they say. his "friends" still follow him around, but not only do they do nothing to intervene when katsuki goes too far (only to question it later after the damage was done), they seem to disregard katsuki's distaste for smoking at their age. they don't seem so bothered about the idea that a mark on katsuki's record meant that he'd have a hard time getting into ua.

they don't exactly scream out "friend material" to me. and outside of them, katsuki scarcely interacts with anyone else outside of his bullying of izuku. that's why i think he was quite alone there; not in the sense he had nobody around, but in the sense that a lot of those people weren't true friends to him.

on top of that, i think katsuki KNEW that. he UNDERSTOOD that. he's not a stupid kid - i think that he did have a hand in isolating himself, whether it be a way to protect himself from people who couldn't be bothered to understand him... or it was a misguided decision borne from a superiority complex he developed over time, by the many people praising him and his talent. or both.

but when he got to ua, guess what happened?

he made his first friend since he was barely 4: kirishima eijirou.

and this was different because kirishima saw right through his attempts of distance. kirishima took one look past the prickly, arrogant, angry and spiteful exterior, and saw someone that actually had real and honest convictions. someone who did wear his heart on his sleeve, albeit guarded extremely, extremely well. kirishima didn't seek out friendship with him because he was one of the strongest kids in that class - he sought out that friendship because i think he knew bakugou katsuki needed it.

kirishima gave katsuki no reason to shut him out. he didn't feed into his superiority in the way others did - didn't hesitate to call him out, albeit playfully. this was a brand new dynamic to katsuki. this was someone he could trust. someone who was so painfully genuine and liked to hang out with him, even when he would practically give the other kid a headache drilling math into his brain.

his friendship with todoroki shoto is a little more complicated, in contrast. he reiterates they aren't friends, but this is not inherently true; in my opinion, he's just holding a very long, very spiteful grudge for the other "going easy" on him in the sports fest. he also gets his attitude shot down with every interaction he has with todoroki, because todoroki is immune to his antics and it pisses him off. they've formed a strong bond through remedials tbh, and though katsuki keeps giving todoroki a hard time, he's still counted in his circle of newfound friends.

my point here is: the bonds he's made through ua are incredibly new and unique to him, and even when the whole class gives him grief for his outward attitude, they all like and trust him to some degree. this is friendship he didn't necessarily have growing up.

(not forgetting that he did, in fact, throw away the one true friendship he had when he was a kid... but he recognises that now.)

as for his general point of view on friendship: in one of the light novels, katsuki states that friendship is not quantified by the length of time someone knows someone else - he says this in response to todoroki questioning how he and izuku were childhood friends, but don't seem to get along as childhood friends typically do. while this is specifically about izuku in this moment, this strengthens my idea that katsuki does not perceive anyone from primary and middle school as friends... well, eventually, save for izuku.

i also think this is what spurs on his inherent sense of loyalty to all his friends. i think that now he has such a good friendship network, loathe as he might be to admit it, he would defend each and every one of them no matter what.

his new friendships have to be one of the things katsuki is grateful for.

[moranice-solvej]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thank you for the tag, @rifle-yes <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Got introduced to fanfic through an old forum dedicated to a TV-show I was low-key obsessed with as a teen all the way back in 2008. Around the same time I started to get an urge to express myself in writing as I was an avid reader and always had a vivid imagination, so the sheer fact that people just wrote stories to celebrate their favorite stories captivated me.

Since then, there were many attemps to write fanfic and original works alike, very few completed, and only my obsession with Rogue One that started after watching the movie and reading the novelization had put me on the path of publishing my writing and finally being able to complete writing projects.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Started in a TV-fandom a long time ago, but never had anything I wanted to publish, so mentally I don't even count it. None of those scraps of written down ideas remain; I deleted them and never once looked back. That leaves Rogue One and technically Star Wars as my sole writing fandom. I dearly love many other shows and movies and games, but none of them make me want to write in their universes.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Technically 16 years. Yes, comprehending this number makes me terrified.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I used to read tons of fic before I came back to writing in earnest. Now most of my free time goes into writing.

In addition to that I have ran into a loathesome problem of not being able to find stories that I'd love to read. The ceiling has gotten too high. Now that I can finally shape the kinds of stories I want to read to life, I crave more stories with such premises, themes, writing styles, and character archetypes, and these days I struggle to find them in fanfic and in original books for that matter. My gremlin brain simply cannot connect to the vast majority of tropes that dominate modern-day fandom and culture. :(

Thus, I'm firmly in the mode of be-the-change-you-want-to-be-in-the-world and producing stories for myself to satisfy that need. Even if it routinely takes me over a year, usually two to finish a single story with a monster wordcount and create something I can one day re-read with glee.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I am now able to move an idea from a general concept and a set of pivotal scenes to a fully-fleshed out story and actually finish it. This used to be my achilles heel for ages and it feels mightily gratifying to finally get rid of it.

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Origins of blood transfusions in human history. Plus a large variety of niche questions of when thing a or thing b was first invented. Most of the times the setting of my current writing project allows me to disregard our reality and wing it for the sake of the vibes or plot, but I still like to research what we as a species develop and when to try and create a somewhat believable ancient fictional world without modern technology.

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I have a soft spot for readers who pick on teeny-tiny details of my writing and show their appreciation for it. I end up with monstrous word counts because I'm an extremely context- and detail-oriented writer, and knowing that my passion for it is noticed and enjoyed brings me joy in return.

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

My current project centers around a warrior woman in her mid- to late forties who makes peace with her trauma of motherhood and loss, finds new friends and love and new home, defies her nation's traditions and becomes the force of change for her people that will bring them out of stubborn isolation and little by little shatter their callousness and mold it into empathy.

I am well aware that the sole audience of this story is myself and my best friend whom I'm lucky to have along for the ride, but it has took over my heart and it will not let go until I finally bring this epic saga to a close.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

I am simply incapable of writing a traditional short story. Every one-shot I ever made was a stepping stone in a larger verse, and even so the smallest one is over 8k words. Anytime I try to write something small, I either need to put it down because it gets out of hand, or I need to finish it and by that time it grows into a monster.

My last attempt to write a short story within a story has spawned an epic saga that currently sits at roughly 380.000k words and will likely end up over 500.000k words when I'm finally done with it.

10. What is the easiest type?

Monster-sized epics. I think my creative brain cannot function in any other way but go-big-or-go-home.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I've used MS Word for writing ever since I got my first laptop and keep at it. Started using Scrivener lately for establishing character sheets and writing down my notes.

For years now I write almost exclusively over the weekends, with occassional editing in the evenings after work. Between working, needing to keep my apartment clean and myself fed, and dedicating time to mastering my fourth language, I have no brain for creativity after I'm done with all these chores and I use whatever remains of my evening to read, or watch shows with my best friend, or do some gaming.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

In the story I am currently writing, one of the secondary main characters is an ex-slave and a rape survivor. There is no shortage of hurt/comfort stories about a female character's experience with such kind of abuse, and in all my years of reading fic and books I often find that trauma stemming from it is either glossed over or healed through the power of true love. Even when a story follows a road to healing, it often ends in sunshine and rainbows after the all the travails. Well, for a long, long time now my gremlin brain wanted to explore what such trauma can do to a stoic male warrior, as well as to study how sometimes there is no easy healing from such ordeals, how deep these souls scars lie, and how they will keep poisoning the relationship he will pursue down the line and present major obstacles to both non-sexual and sexual intimacy with the woman he falls in love with. I'm a sucker for happy endings and I will not turn away from it, but this is going to be a scarred happy ending because those ghosts are never going to stay completely quiet in his soul.

I am daunted by the prospect of writing this spin-off like I've never been before, scared of not doing it justice, but something in me has latched onto this idea and really, really wants to at least try it.

13. What made you choose your username?

I needed something unique as a username and I have a habit of making up new names out of thin air for my writing. I liked this one and it had stuck. :)

If any writers who follow me would like to join in, you are welcome.

[lemonthepotato]

Generic Gatekeeping Rant About The Enneagram Community

I really wanted that to alliterate. Anyway, this is a rant about the overtyping of 6 and 9 in the community. Yes, overtyping. I’ll present some arguments on why I believe 6 and 9 are overtyped. Whether you agree or not is a different story. I think civil discourse is more important than ‘winning’ an argument, so to speak. So, I’ll hear anyone out who disagrees with any of my points. But, yes, I do believe that 6 and 9 are overtyped.

First of all, how did this 6/9 dilemma begin? Well, a lot of people mistype as 4/5/8 due to shallow descriptions. People read that 4’s are the artistic, deep, emotional type, and settle on that. People read that 5’s are knowledgable, isolated and logical, and settle on that. People read that 8’s are confident, assertive and strong-willed, and settle on that. These, of course, are shallow understandings of the types. However, an issue I’ve noticed in this community is overcompensating for one extreme with another. What do I believe this overcompensating to be? I believe that people are trying to ‘balance out’ the overtyping of 4/5/8 by typing people as 6 or 9, when they clearly are not, to maintain the rarity status of those. But where did this idea that 6 and 9 are ‘the most common type’ begin?

Apparently this idea began from a survey from the website enneagram-personality. Here is the description of the survey. “Here is our first table representing the distribution of the enneagram types from 189957 results, which displays an idea of the distribution within the population. Note that type 4 is potentially the type that tends to be most naturally interested in introspection. 4s would therefore be more likely to take this kind of test. So, their population might be slightly fewer in terms of percentage on a real scale.”

The first thing that popped out to me was the specific wording, that these are TEST results. So, I took the test myself to check its accuracy. They made me put my email in (thanks :) oh, that was sarcasm.)

I’m actually really shocked. I got 86% for 4w5 and 14% for enneagram 8, along with a small amount for 6/5/7. “Results analysis : The test seems to have correctly found your type.” For the record, I didn’t go out of my way to skew the questions that way. If anything, I thought it would be balanced for 4 and 6. I didn’t expect EIGHT to be that high up. Plus, while I don’t believe in wings, I would’ve expected the wing to be 3 over 4. Oh, and I got 1% for enneagram 2. Something about that result feels wrong. Not the fact I scored 4, but the fact that I scored 14% on 8. Methinks this test may be a bit shallow, considering I’ve been torn between 4 and 6. I’ve never considered 8. The only type I relate to less than 8 is 5. I think aside from 4 and 6 (the types I have been torn between historically) my ‘relation’ order would be: 9317285. Am I taking this test as confirmation that I’m a 4? Absolutely not.

I don’t believe a test can type people completely accurately, including me. Even if the stat that 9 and 6 are the most common types, the fact it’s followed by 4 is strange, because people claim 4 is one of the rarer types. If 3rd place is rare, then sure. 5 was also the lowest scored, which confirms my theory that this is the study people reference, as people also make that claim a lot. And, of course, 8 is right above 5 in rarity.

The test also claims “Note that type 4 is potentially the type that tends to be most naturally interested in introspection. 4s would therefore be more likely to take this kind of test. So, their population might be slightly fewer in terms of percentage on a real scale” which actually makes sense. Still, the way people treat 4 would make you think they’re the rarest thing ever.

So, let’s say that the 4 scores are off by 2%. That would make four just as common as 7’s are. I do find these test results interesting. But still, 4 was only 2000 results lower than 6 or 9. Again, even if that number was closer to 4000, that would make 4 as common as 7 is. I don’t see a lot of people gatekeeping 7, though.

I don’t trust statistics. There are too many variables that can skew it, and this one feels like selection bias. (People predisposed to liking the enneagram so not represent the general population) A test cannot accurately type everyone. I do not find it impossible that 9 and 6 are very common types. However, the enneagram community isn’t the world. The general population might not be interested in the enneagram, and certain types might be more interested than others. I’m just saying, a so4 or sp5 has a higher chance of being interested in the enneagram than a so6 or sp9. And I’m not saying that 6’s or 9’s are shallow, I’m just saying that being self-introspective is heavily tied to 4/5, just for different reasons.

So, this study isn’t proof of anything. How is a test with like, 30 questions, more reliable than reading shallow RHETI descriptions? It won’t be more or less reliable. Self-introspection should be more important. Actually studying how the types work. But I’ve noticed an interesting trend in the enneagram community… changing how types operate to gatekeep them more.

Let’s go a specific claim. “4’s know who they are strongly. If you don’t know who you are, you’re a 9.” (False) (Commonly said)

Let’s look at what Naranjo actually wrote about 4’s.

Naranjo describes the E4 as someone who takes on the identity of a chronic sufferer, with a bad self-image who obtain love through suffering. “also, they convey the attempt on the part of the person to be something different from what he or she is, perhaps connected to class envy. The lack of originality entailed by such imitativeness in turn; perpetuates an envy of originality—just as the attempt to imitate original individuals and the wish to emulate spontaneity are doomed to fail.” Wow, what a strong self-identity we have there!

The E4 is described as someone who was only validated through their suffering in childhood. Being happy wasn’t allowed, crying, attention-seeking and pain got them love and affection.

The E4 is described as someone who uses their suffering to get love, who has a negative self image and identifies as a victim/sufferer. No where does that description mention strong sense of self. Read it for yourself; here. https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/naranjos-character-and-neurosis-ennea-type-4.148114/

It’s directly from character and neurosis. I also noticed a staunch lack of the word “individuality.” It’s not about presenting authenticity or individually, but presenting the image of brokenness, mystique and uniqueness for the sake of attracting others. So, I find the idea that 4’s can’t struggle to know who they are very strange. Heart types are about presenting a certain image, after all. 2’s present the image of being helpful and selfless (except sp2’s. I love sp2’s they’re so based and kinda relatable. Just a little.) 3’s present the image of success and 4’s present the image of unique suffering.

Why would a heart type struggling to know who they are be such an unusual thing? Yes, 4’s overidentify with their negative traits, but that actually indicates a skewing of the true self.

What about type 9? Naranjo describes the type 9 as grounded, empathetic, and self-numbing. They numb themselves to avoid chaos. They identify with others to avoid exploring uncomfortable inner turmoil. They over-simplify, follow routines and immerse themselves in physical activities to remain in a comfortable state of mind. The 9 lives vicariously through things or people instead of through themselves.

So, here’s my hypothesis. Wouldn’t a type 9 be less interested in delving deep into typology, because they might have to deal with uncomfortable levels of self-reflection? I’m not saying 9’s are stupid NPC’s incapable of self-reflection, I’m saying that 9’s coping mechanism is literally avoiding themselves. For the record, I could be misinterpreting things. I have a hard time understanding complex words and shit, so this is just my interpretation.

This actually sounds like the polar opposite of a 4, so saying a lot of 4’s are mistyped 9’s is… strange. Don’t get me wrong, going by shallow descriptions, it’s possible. But now I’m wondering how many 6’s and 9’s actually ARE 4’s or another type.

Another thing about 4’s is that people will type obvious sx4’s as sx6’s or even sx8’s. I don’t even understand why people mistake sx6 for sx8. They’re not even remotely similar types. Yes, 8’s are described as cynical and distrusting, but they’re also reckless. Sx6’s LARP as reckless, bur fear consequences. Sx6’s go against fear by confronting it. 8’s tend to do what they want with little regard for consequences. And if you think THAT’S mean, write what Naranjo actually wrote about 8’s. The dude really didn’t like certain types lol. Though it’s more understandable why sx4 and sx8 would be mixed up.

Anyway, I know I’ve been focusing on 4 gatekeeping a lot. That’s because it’s the type I see gatekept the most. And to rip the band aid off, I am biased, because I’m 80% sure I’m a core 4, but I’ve only been typed as a four (sx4) by one person on the internet. 50% said sx6, the other 50% said sx9, and someone said 1. Now, here’s the funny part, the strange part, the weird part… how the fuck do you get sx6 and sx9 typings in the same post? Unless… mayhaps… people are predisposed to slap the label onto people who show any level of nuance beyond an easily identifiable type. Then we’re suddenly 6’s or 9’s, and ‘unhealthy’ at that.

Granted, the post I made was a mess, because I wrote it while extremely anxious and caffeinated. I’ll probably write a new one soon. Then we can judge if I’m a “real 4.” As if I have any fucking emotional attachment to a number in a system. Who WANTS to be a 4? I was in denial in 2019 because I was repulsed by the idea of being a 4. I’m not repulsed by the idea of being a sx6. Sx6’s seem cool. I’m not repulsed by the idea of being a 9. I just don’t feel like either. Also, my other typology? EII INFP ELVF RLUEN NPBV SEFA. Yeah, that really screams 9.

You know, another reason I didn’t want to identify as 4 was because of how overtyped it was and still is. Not only that, but the amount of gatekeeping makes it exhausting. Sure, if saying I’m a sx9 will make you happy, biggest nine ever. Y’all get way too defensive over a set of numbers. I’m actually tempted to make my own website with enneagram descriptions that don’t suck. Don’t test me. I might do it, because I no longer trust anyone in this community to have accurate information.

Another problem I have with this community is watering down what 6 and 9 means. “9’s can look like any type.” That is ridiculous, I’m sorry, but that kind of logic leads to the Barnum Effect. Sure, 9’s can technically look like “any” type, maybe on the surface, but if you dig even slightly into the structure of a 9, there are specific patterns of behaviour that make a 9 a 9. I’m just saying that if the 9 in question is a person who represses their anger, has strong moral values that they are forceful about, is perfectionistic, has an inner critic, constantly self denying… maybe that’s not a 9, maybe that’s a 1. If the 6 in question struggles with envy, is concerned with the self and withdraw from others on a frequent basis, maybe that’s not a 6, maybe that’s a four. Get it? This logic of over complicating and adding specific barriers of entry for hexad types while downplaying what it means to be a 6 or 9 only serves to validate the elitist gatekeeping of certain types and is barely based on logic. Sorry if that’s mean, but it’s what I believe to be correct here, so.

Also, I think there’s a lot of a domino effect of one person making a claim about a type, another person thinking “that’s believable,” and parroting it, and then it just becomes seen as fact; mob mentality, kind of.

[sapphic-agent]

Will work on my Izuocha ask. But here lets talk about Momo. She had a powerful OP quirk and so much potential but is shafted bc she has to be Mineta's target and also an "eye candy" for the fans. I say this as there many, many nsfw works of Momo where...well you get the gist.

1) Momo can create anything as long she can visualize in her mind. She could have been s great ally and friend to Izu as I think she would have to analyse her quirk (would be nice Izu having someone who does analyses too and isnt seen as "creepy")

2) Momo is rich. Extremely so, so why is she a hero? I know is an unfair question as we dont even get the answer for the mc(yes we got a generic "I want to help" but like come on this could have been more explored). But like if she is not doing for the money...then why? What is the endgoal? "I want to be a hero bc...bc!" Every kid, to me, seems to just want to be a hero bc yes (makes make me think: is the mkt in this world is that strong?)

3) Why she is wearing that uniform? While I get the intention of Izu having a costume that is "cosplay for poor" Why Momo used that? Did someone made her mind?(can see Midnight here but I admit I prefer her as a dark figure rather "she is the best woman on earth") like I know Hori did for fanservice but is a fanservice that hurts the character

4) is it canon she has meet Shoto before? Fanon seems to say in fics "Momo and Shoto are rich kids friends" which I mean, make sense as she is a heir (we dont even know what her family does) I ask this bc...IF this is true, did Momo had any positive thought about Endy?

5) Her quirk is super OP...and while I dont think she needs a quirk awaken I do think she, a minor in possession of such quirk needed more protection ...which makes me think if she was to have protection...would be bc of her op quirk or money?

1. I would love to see Yaoyorozu and Izuku interact more! I think they'd mesh well, especially since they're both intellectual people. Could have made for some fun scenes.

2. Yes, she needs a goal! Some have brought up that she could be the result of a successful quirk marriage that wasn't as abusive or dysfunctional as the Todorokis and tbh I think that's my headcanon now. They do imply that every kid wants to be a hero, but the kind of person she is I feel like it should go behind childhood dreams.

3. According to Horikoshi, this was Yaomomo's decision. Apparently, she wanted to show even more skin to make her quirk more accessible, but they restricted her (realistically, it's Hori being a perv). The theme of her suit is supposed to be "functionality" I'm guessing due to the kind of person she is. But the way her costume is, is more of a hindrance than a help. I said this to @anti-katsuki-lounge but she has no chest protection and the bookcase on her back could easily break her spine if she falls on it. I also always thought it would have made more sense for her to have an open back instead of an open chest since her back would be bigger space than her chest and she ends up ripping her shirt to make things out of her back anyway.

4. Yeah fanon is gonna have to take the L here. It's implied that Todoroki was completely isolated. Endeavor didn't even let him see his sibling let alone other kids. I'm almost sure he was homeschooled and even if he wasn't, Izuku was his first friend. And him and Yaomomo don't act like they knew each other beforehand, at most they knew of each other because of the recommendation exam.

5. Yes her quirk is super OP. Tbh, what would a quirk awakening for her even look like?

[genderlesshades]

okokok so I know I meme on the radiance and the pale king a lot, but I'm also kinda going "god damn what a terrible situation to be in" at all parties. Mb its just cause I haven't read the lore in a hot minute, time span? I'm having 4 am thoughts don't mind me. This may not even make sense in the morning lmao. just enjoy the ramblings if ya want yall

anyways, To have an entire group of people completely abandon one god in favor of another in such a short timespan? well usually that happens cause of stuff like genocide or cultural genocide. And maybe I just happened to miss it, but I don't think that happened in hallownest. But maybe it did and maybe thats why radiance got so fuckin mad. Or maybe the moths just slowly drifted away towards PK, which can happen over generations. But it also sort of seems like. self destructive ig. Radi destroying the people of any neighboring kingdom because she's *furious* man. so upset, and angry, and lonely even. Like, imagine being a very powerful individual with a very loyal fan base only for some weird ass fork looking thing to steal that fan base away from you. Well, more like a kingdom but ig fanbase may be the online equivalent. But here comes some fuckoff weird fork lookin man, steals your look, steals your people, and then fucks off. AND. Also stole folk away from some other nearby local gods? the fucks up with that?? fuck you actually PK. I'm gonna idk, wipe out ur cities. that's pretty reasonable for a god's reaction right?

"hold on hades, she also targeted others who weren't aligned with PK. Why would radi target them? weren't they hurt by the PK's actions?" Yes great question invisible audience. But here's the thing, people don't react reasonably all the time. Radi basically lost everything. Her people started drifting away from her until there was one singular old moth left who still seemed to care about her still. And they were alone. Her and her singular moth follower were oh so painfully alone, with nothing but ghosts to keep them company.

So she lashes out. Ignoring the fact that causing a massive plague is generally extreme cause she's a god, we can still recognize that she is very deeply hurt, upset, and angry. And normal people when hurt, upset, and angry, don't usually think clearly. They tend to say things that hurt people, or sound agressive, or even be agressive. Some people may isolate even, though different people do different things. Radi's reaction was to lash out in a way that hurt anyone around them.

"ok, but what does this have to do with places like Greenpath or Deepnest?" GREAT question invisible audience. Sometimes people react to things that are associated with a certain topic with the same reaction as the certain topic. There are certain songs I disliked until I saw a really cool video go along with it, which made me like the song. The brain is weird like that, and likes to categorize things (even if we don't recognize it as categorizing). Add in a "me vs them" mentality and it only gets worse. That is likely what happened here. Radi gets pissed off at PK, and likely also at the white lady. Well, the white lady has control over greenpath now, unlike Unn, so fuck the greenpath too cause that's technically part of PK's domain. WELL he *also* has an alliance with the mantis tribe, and control over the mushroom tribe. So fuck them too.

Maybe Deepnest would have been safe if Herrah and PK didn't have their deal, but they did, and now Deepnest is terrible too for siding with PK. Maybe the hive or outer edges would have been safe, but the colluseum houses itself in a wyrm's body. And maybe at that point, radi was certain that it was her vs the world, so she *had* to protect herself/defend her honor.

"well didn't the PK deserve all that?" I mean, if you look at it from Radi's perspective sure! but what about PK's perspective? He starts up a pretty cool kingdom, has a lovely wife, is well loved by his subjects, and Radi's followers stsrt deciding to follow him. He can't control that, though he could certainly try to discourage it. He tried being friendly, though perhaps it is in his nature to want to consume all he can. To control as much as possible, to become the bigger enemy. Perhaps he and radi just fuckin. Poofed up at each other like chickens do and instead of anyone going "hey man, whats goin on? maybe we can figure this out with our words" they just keep poofing up at each other, mad at the other for different reasons.

So his people start getting sick with this religious disease caused by what's clearly a rival God. So he tries to figure out the source, and to find solutions with the least drastic measures. But it slowly builds to more and more desperate attempts until he discovers the void, something very opposite of what he and the radiance is. So he casts the children of him and WL into the void, and waits. Because *surely* this will work. a container to hold this fucker in. Trains up this container so they're really good at being a container. Well, the container is leaky and he doesn't realize until it's too late. The infection comes back, and he loses everything he once had, just like Radi did.

I think messing with the void might have led to his death, just like it does with Radi, just maybe less aggressively. Both were so desperate to try and maintain something that was never going to last, only to be consumed by what's nearly a literal definition of an end.

Maybe if they would've just talked, they would still be around with thriving communities. Maybe they would have been friends, or akin to siblings maybe. Perhaps PK and WL would have had children, and deepnest may have slowly crumbled apart from not having an heir of royal blood. Maybe Unn would regain their strength and join the other gods. Who knows what the possibilities could have been.

It's a shame, though, knowing such a connection could never happen.

[bentosandbox]

better late than never amirite

i think i haven't posted july (cause I thought global would have released TBC by now...) or october (commission) on here/twitter hopefully i remember to sometime this year

bonus chen edition because well i guess she is my cringefail girlboss blorbo

bonus chenswire edition

bonus bonus extremely boring stuff

films i watched in 2022 (tragedy of macbeth out of picture because it was on the next row)

top 10 (in watched order not a 1-10 ranking)

Marketa Lazarova (1967) Friend was streaming it, liked the script so much I asked my friend for the srt file after Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) Rocks Petite Maman (2021) Personal Attack Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000) :) My Life as a Zucchini (2016) Celine Sciamma truly don't miss Saturday Fiction (2019) It's not a 5/5 movie but...the soul... the period noir... Nope (2022) The Spectacle dot jpg Hands Over The City (1963) yes i watched this just before il siracusano Decision To Leave (2022) yuriyaoi straight romance can't elaborate Puss In Boots (2022) i'm so glad i didn't watch this as a kid i would have nightmares, but as an adult i got to see my traumas on the big screen yippee!!!

missed a local screening of My Broken Mariko because it only happened for ONE DAY fucking insane (I recommend reading the original manga it's so good)

Speaking of books hmm

Swordspoint yuriyaoi... Invisible Ink reread. and I think I need to reread again Fire & Blood read it after watching hotd ep 1 pretty good series btw dare i say even ...the best on-screen yaoiyuri of the year... Eagle Shooting/Condor Heroes Book 1 Not bad Water Margin Didn't I write a angry rant on this. rite of passage i guess...... How to Keep House While Drowning its funny because i WILL do chores......still good though What My Bones Know - insane how trauma can be so isolating yet universal lol A Wizard of Earthsea if only i read this instead of harry potter back then lmao wow

you can now basically psychoanalyse my issues from the last three books I think

Uhhhhhhh what else am I missing - oh yeah I did 3 gamejams this year (Art/Design and a liiiiiitle bit of trying to do the UI in Unity myself instead of giving the pngs to my friends)

my abysmal steam stats told me i only played 5 games this year so I need to get back my gamer license, backlog is like 75% VNs though what's up with that (there's only 4 games but. well)

had a really long blogpost (basically a 'look at all the things you did this year you didnt waste it' thing thus the above lists) but i think i'll just keep it to my notion notes lest this post becomes a traumadumping ground ecks dee tl;dr failed a Very Important (to me) Thing early 2022 that kind of shattered any crumb of self-esteem i had and made me question everything i did onwards (especially in regards to doujin stuff) and then basically physical health issues affecting mental health and vice versa which is fun but fuck it we ball.....(try)

don't really have any solid 'resolutions' (that i would remember to do) other than to 'live' more than just 'survive' as edgy as that sounds 🥴oh wait oc zine yea yea and go into illustration full time h-haha........... should really get around to making a patreon/fanbox but i really hate the idea of paywalling

also signed up for a AK doujin event in Nagoya in March so I now have a very heavy motivation to finish the second half of my LGD doujin and hopefully I get to table at AX too dot dot dot

[annwrites]

I believe that if Aemond had stayed with SG, that dream could have come true simply because he would have groomed her. This would have isolated her, made SG dependent on him and ultimately made her more susceptible to exploitation, justifying her abuser's actions as "normal". Grooming is extremely dangerous because, when applied from an early age, the manipulation distorts a person's perception of what is normal and what is not. There are well-documented cases of people who have been groomed at a young age and have not been able to recover from their abuser's manipulation, despite therapy. Years of manipulation altered their sense of reality, leaving them unable to see their abuser as anything other than normal. They did not see themselves as victims and did not see their abuser as an exploiter. Instead, they rationalised everything by believing that they had participated freely and willingly, insisting that their abuser never forced them to do anything because physical force and threats were never used. They were unable to understand that the use of force or threats was unnecessary because their abuser had prepared them not to resist.

I figured grooming would get brought up at some point in regards to their relationship. I understand that, even as children, he was a few years older (I think 4), but I don't see the time he spent with her as like...manipulation that early-on. It was just a child looking to another for friendship & comfort. Leaning on one another for love & acceptance. And she did the same in return.

i.e. pitching a fit when he was busy with his studies bc she wanted his attention, or coming to him at night bc she had a nightmare or didn't want to be alone.

Or any "manipulation" he did subject her to... He wasn't doing it to purposefully harm her. He was just doing it bc he thought he knew what was best for the both of them.

But also... I do think he would've eventually tried to turn her against her family. I've always envisioned a scene of—during the episode Lord of the Tides—her standing on the Greens' side of the room, clutching Aemond's arm with one hand, and her pregnant belly with the other, while she almost ashamedly ignores her family, bc he's taught her to see him & his own as her only one now.

Meanwhile, he just has a smug look on his face over it. Like, she wouldn't hate her siblings, per se, but I could see her growing to maybe resent her mother, even minimally. Even if she was the one to suggest their betrothal in the first place...

Can also see him possessively keeping his hand on her swollen belly as much as possible. During meals, during Small Council meetings that he brings her to, nights where they're reading silently, or he's doing paperwork, while she's bathing, etc.

But yes, he would want her wholly reliant on him, simply bc he genuinely sees it as his job/responsibility/purpose to "look after" his niece.

[talonflamee]

ok here are my generation hot takes

best region design: gen 5. sorry for being a new yorker/new jerseyan i don't do it on purpose

worst region design: gen 8 and 9. kanto and johto are boring to me, but they’re not Bad. not bad like galar and paldea. galar has a few really great areas like postwick and the mushroom forest, but the majority of it is just weirdly designed. paldea has some good parts too but it’s so Fucking Big and empty. i just don’t care enough to want to explore it

best music: gen 3, 4, 5. this one’s hard because i think the music is the one thing that’s remained consistently fantastic over the years. i think gen 5 is objectively the best, and 3 and 4 are very near and dear to me!!

worst music: gen 9. too all over the place. a few really good tracks but unfortunately gets old fast after spending hours upon hours wandering around paldea's ginormous map

best plot: gen 5. how the hell is this a kid’s game. replaying gen 5 last year i was flabbergasted by how mature this gen's storyline was. cults? animal ethics? philosophy? painfully realistic depiction of abuse and isolation? and it's all done really well?? hell yeah sign me up

worst plot: gen 8. wait what was the story again

best new pokemon: gen 7. ohhh all these guys fucking rule…… very few designs i actively dislike in this gen, only 5-6 if that. and honorable mention for gen 8. very hit or miss, but the ones that hit are amazing and some of my fave pokemon ever! gaze upon him

worst new pokemon: gen 5/9. sorry—HEY I SAID I’M SORRY DON’T THROW THINGS AT ME!! seriously what the hell are these things!!!

best characters: gen 5. gen 5 is full of extremely memorable and fun characters. from their designs to their stories and personalities. absolutely perfect!

worst characters: gen 2 and 4. really don't remember any of them beyond your rival. almost no stand-out designs to me sorry!

my personal fave: gen 3. yes it's probably the nostalgia talking. but i must live my truth. then gen 5, 4, and 7.

worst overall: gen 9. i didn't even finish it. for years we asked for an open-world pokemon and we never stopped to think what would happen if they actually made it. then they did. and it sucked. sad!

[crw-ooc]

an analysis into a hypothetical fuschia corr

i live on "what if"s and this one particularly interests me.

tw for: a lot of mention of blood, fuschiacorr generally being an oddball amongst corrs, and a lot of homestuck-typical violence.

I: isolation

one can argue that fuschiacorr is the loneliest out of every iteration of corr there is. not only does he live in the deeper parts of the sea, he also directly kills other trolls and their lusii in order to feed his own lusus.

you can imagine that this amount of isolation can fuck up a kid's brain, especially given that the only times he's encountered other trolls is when he's killing them.

this also gives him a very fucked-up concept of what love is- the closest things to love he has ever experienced is blood floating through the water or soaking into the ground beneath his feet. naturally, he would adopt some unconventional habits and ways of showing "affection".

here's the thing.

he's grown used to killing other trolls en masse and doesn't see too many problems with it. in fact, he views relationships as unnecessary and usually breaks them off before they can pose a danger or inconvenience to his life (in this universe, he strangled citrin.)

this leaves him cripplingly lonely.

but it's fine, right? this is the way it's always been, and it is the way it always will be.

just like every corr, the fuschia iteration is stuck in his ways- unwilling to escape, unwilling to change. on the other hand, the constant remains that he hates seeing people controlled- absolutely despises ceruleans for that reason. he hates being controlled himself. this also ties into his classpect as a full-fledged prince of blood.

II: customer service smile

unlike our favourite original guy, fuschiacorr has the vibes of someone who has worked retail and is very close to losing his shit.

he has some respect for seadwellers near his caste, but that's pretty much the only thing keeping him from culling them all on the spot. he's very passive-aggressive and dislikes making death threats as well as cursing, seeing all of these as "immature" and "pointless" if he doesn't have actual abilities to back it up.

so a normal conversation would be like:

"have a nice night 😊 (you will be culled within the next three hours)"

while he is extremely formal compared to corr, his motivations are hidden much better. where corr is crass and honest, fuschiacorr is polite and... not. he is usually a couple straws away from the camel's back breaking and culling everyone he encounters.

oh and that brings us to:

III: violence as a form of love

we know that fuschiacorr has a very fucked-up sense of what love is.

the only actual attention he gets is from the people that he culls. so he just assumes that that violence is a type of love.

this is why he develops odd habits, such as: touching someone's wounds and then licking his fingers, tasting blood, etc, etc. his way of physical affection is biting someone so hard that blood comes out.

but at the same time. at the same time. he's still only sixteen years old.

he still kicks his feet when he sits sometimes and still complains about a multitude of things (especially about how trolls scream too much). in the end, even though he's murdered many, many trolls, fuschiacorr is still a kid.

and yes, he did do some of these things to himself. while he was a product of circumstance, some of his actions were entirely his own.

in the end, fuschia corr is severely fucked up despite appearing normal, and i like exploring his concept. thanks 4 reading :D

[ruvi-muffin]

When did shadowgast have a falling out? Also, how do they remind you of nott and caleb?

Ep 97

And imogen and laudna remind me of caleb and nott

Sorry if i was Unclear in my tag rambles i was being facetious a bit, uhmm... let's see.

1. Well there's the Obvious that laudna/nott are always telling caleb/imogen how capable they are and defending them in social situations.

2. Their dynamics were/are extremely codependent to the point of being unhealthy and isolating from the rest of the group.

3. Laudna and nott both have "adictions" of some sort or another, And insecurity that they project onto the other to satisfy their own ego boost by proxy.

(AND which I/C indulge bc it seemed like a good choice at the time).

4. Laudna and nott both died and came back different (not an uncomon dnd pc hook to be Fair) but Imogen and Caleb think they're charming.

5. Laudna and Nott (also a common dnd pc hook) have an npc from L/N's past come back to cause a rift in the relationship that they may never recover from.

6. Caleb and imogen both being Very plot centric and serious characters, but actually they just want to settle down and be cottagecore gays about it.

7. Also there's the point of contension of when you're two adults who share everything w each other including a bed,,,, Feelings Might Arise. Wether that pans out or not is less relevant. Nott admitted to having feelings for Caleb but having to put those aside bc she's Married. Imogen made out w Laudna on the mouth and now they're dating.

STILL had a very dramatic falling out.

Sooooo... ye.

(Reminder that nott kissed caleb on the mouth as a farewell to who she used to be with him </3 and i'll be damned if i let ppl forget that that happened </3</3</3)

((Also lol remember when Marisha said that she Condidered being the pike corpse lol, we were Very close to having them be the same height And having the same issue of having to lie abt their age, imma just put that out there for posterity bc i think it's funny tjyur)).

U can probably find more similarities but *shrugs* that's mostly it.

[idyl-hummingbird]

What Happened to Heartbeats?

Well, so. Here we are. Nearly 5 years since I first started Heartbeats, and almost 1 year since the last chapter was posted. How did we get here? It may surprise you, but I actually have an answer. Or several, really. It's more than one thing, as life is never that simple. Some I never predicted, but one large thing that I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't know about it from the very beginning, a thing that I hoped by ignoring it would make it go away (spoiler: it didn't). So, let's talk about it:

Part 1: Life changes

Ironically this part in my mind falls under the "things I never predicted" category. Which is silly, of course I knew my life would change; I just didn't foresee the ways it would affect my fic writing.

To understand what happened with Heartbeats, I need to step further back for comparison. I need to talk about Just Hold On. My predecessor to Heartbeats, my first multi-chaptered, poly ot7, fantasy themed fic. My magnum opus, to be perfectly honest; in my view of my small little corner of this gigantic fandom, I believe it is what I'm most known for. And I'm perfectly happy with that. I'm proud of that fic; if it was my peak, it was a pretty darn good one.

But why bring up Just Hold On when this is about Heartbeats? Because of this single fact: I uploaded a new chapter of that fic on a weekly basis until it was complete. Weekly. I recall that in amazement sometimes, marveling at how I possibly could do that--

But then I remember that I know exactly how.

I was in grad school when I wrote JHO. A time that I often cite as frankly the worst years of my life. I lived in an isolated town, far away from friends and family. I was struggling with my identity, what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to be. I had an extremely minimal social life. Outside of working on my degree and my role as a TA, I spent a majority of my time alone. And a lot of that time, I spent writing.

But, as BTS reference in Spring Day, my winter didn't last forever. I graduated with my masters, left that small town, and shortly after, I started writing Heartbeats.

For as self-important as this post is coming across, I'm actually not here to share my life story with you. But just know that in the years between finishing grad school to now, the years of Heartbeats' creation, I have faced the most change I've ever encountered in my life. I became an adult. I've had multiple full time jobs, lived in different cities and states. I met the love of my life and we're getting married next month. I'm far happier and fulfilled now than I was sitting alone at grad school.

Do I miss having that level of efficiency, that amount of time to just write for hours on end? Sometimes, yeah, I honestly do. But I'd never want to go back to the life I had that gave me that time, and I think that's part of facing adulthood. Things change, priorities shift. It's neither good nor bad, it just--is. (And it's worth noting that I do still find time to write, even if it is more limited. So then where're the Heartbeats chapters? Where have you been? Well, I said it was more than one thing. The next, I really didn't see coming...)

Part 2: Oops I joined another fandom

Yeah, this one blindsided me too. Had I always casually enjoyed the show Stranger Things? Yes. Had I always been exceptionally fond of the character Steve Harrington? Yes. I'm a lesbian, so I love a good himbo; it's just nature. Did I anticipate that season 4 would introduce another male character that would allow Steve to interact with the first ever guy his age in the show that didn't want to punch him in the face, and that would subsequently lead to an ideal character to ship him with? Of course not! But it happened and something clicked in my brain and next thing you know I'm writing about Steve and Eddie instead of Jimin and Yoongi. I don't know, man. This one really stumps me, too, but I think if I really deep dive into it, the truth is that I was burnt out on BTS content. I'd been writing them for years, it became routine. Steddie was refreshing; it was new and exciting and allowed me to try new things that didn't fit as well with BTS.

I think it was an unfortunate combination. More fandoms with less time to write has meant that I need to pick and choose, and I've picked what I've been excited about--for the past 6 months, that's been steddie. I've really enjoyed writing them, and it'd be a lie to claim I won't want to write more of them in the future. But I also want to write more BTS, and my excitement has started to shift back to them. I think this waxing and waning is just something new I'll have to learn to navigate in my fic writing and fandom interests.

Part 3: The Truth

Okay, I've stalled long enough. Here's the truth, the thing I knew from the beginning of Heartbeats' inception, that I tried to ignore and hoped would solve itself but never has. The probably number one reason why I have not been able to finish it:

When I started this fic, I did not know how it was going to end.

Okay, wait, let's pump the brakes. It's more complicated than that. Let me explain:

I saw a comic the other week that was actually the inspiration for me wanting to make this post.

It's of a stick figure looking over at the other side of a cliff, with a huge chasm between them. The chasm is labeled "the plot" and the other side of the cliff is labeled "that one specific scene I really want to write."

As someone who struggles with plot, I relate to that comic a lot, just in general. But if I apply Heartbeats to that comic, a heartbreaking truth reveals the biggest answer to my radio silence, my lack of updates:

For heartbeats, that "one specific scene I really want to write"? I've already written it.

When I first conceived the idea of Heartbeats, there were a few scenes I was really excited about: the swinging bandit trying to kidnap Jin, Jin saving Hobi's life, Tae growing his wings back. But there was one part of that fic that kept me going, that I was so fucking hyped to write that I couldn't wait to get there:

Namseokkook in the siren domain. Jungkook going back to face the sirens, namseok learning of Jungkook's past, JK getting the key and the three of them narrowly escaping. Writing those chapters was my big moment.

The chapters that followed, I could stall. I had decent enough ideas for the other keys that I made it work, and once they were all back at the safehouse, it was a good time to pause from the action. To sprinkle in some fluff and hurt/comfort, my bread and butter.

But then what? The part of the plot I was most excited for was done, yet there's still a whole world for them to save, an even bigger villain for them to defeat.

I think every writer has their own process. Personally, it's not unusual for me to only have a vague idea of a plot, and not have the exact ending in mind; it's why this fact didn't stop me from starting to write Heartbeats in the first place.

Going back to JHO again, I didn't really know how I'd end that one either beyond a vague idea. But I pushed through and made it work--that's what I initially thought would happen with Heartbeats. That's why I kept writing and ignored the problem.

I brainstormed, and I still do. I knew about Ren's big reveal from the very beginning, which is why I was able to write the last two chapters. I know generally how I want the fic to end and I have an idea for its epilogue. The problem is, I just don't have a clear picture on how to get us there.

And now with 5 years passed, with people waiting, there's pressure. I think in the climatic chapter of JHO, you can go back and see in the ANs that I was unsure if the plot would be disappointing. To this day I genuinely do think it's a bit underwhelming. But it works, and since I was in such a rhythm of writing back then, I accepted it was the best I could do, and I posted it.

Not to mention, the stakes in the two stories are quite different. JHO is about seven boys and a girl they found. Heartbeats is about the fate of the whole world--talk about stakes! I think that also adds to the pressure. With so much on the line, can it really be resolved so swiftly? It might have to be, if that's all I've got in me.

Years have gone by, and even if the words aren't on paper yet, I have been mentally working on it. I can, and will, come up with an ending to Heartbeats. I probably will find it underwhelming, and that makes it difficult to start putting the words to paper. But it deserves an end, and maybe even one that's not as bad as I fear. People love JHO not because of the climax, but because of the characters and the world building. I think that's why people love Heartbeats, too. I need to remember that, and I need to just keep writing, in the smaller increments of time I have, when I'm excited to do so. It'll probably still be awhile, but maybe 2023 is the year I finally finish Heartbeats.