#writing inked

[essence-inked]

So I’ve been thinking about rational vs. irrational character decisions.

An irrational decision is great when your story is driven by your character’s personal flaws and struggles, and for crafting situations where your audience knows that these decisions are unavoidable because they are perfectly in character. Having your characters be perfectly able to solve their problems if they weren’t, y’know, themselves, is so very hard-hitting, and can be a fantastic part of a narrative.

The downfall with irrational decisions is that it can make situations seem less dire or make your antagonists seem less dangerous. If your characters are falling over themselves and their own personal issues, then it’s hard to show how the external problems in your story pose a serious threat, because you can’t demonstrate how they’re hard to deal with if your characters aren’t making solidly competent attempts in the first place.

Rational decisions are great for stories where most of your problems are external, like your characters trying to build a spaceship or infiltrate the bad guy’s lair. It’s also key to any horror writing, where you need your characters to be competent in order for your danger to be credible; if your audience spends the entire time wondering why your protagonists aren’t doing very obvious things to solve their problems, it’ll be a lot harder to get a properly spooky atmosphere going. But if your characters are only ever making the most optimal, logical choices without ever struggling, they won’t be very compelling, so just like with irrational decision-making, there’s a time and a place for this.

Ideally, you want some combination of both rational and irrational character choices. And maybe even more importantly, whatever choice a character’s making needs to be one that makes sense for them given everything you’ve already shown in the narrative so far. If the decision feels forced or contrived, then it doesn’t matter if it’s rational or not, because it’s not a choice that fits with the rest of the story.

But, yeah, ultimately, both types of character decisions are useful tools, and it’s less about one or the other being right, and more about both of these tools being useful for different types of situations.

[essence-inked]

Reflections

So far, most of the traps had been roughly what the party expected them to be. Melvost, the old mage who’d built this place, had kept a great many powerful artifacts here before he’d died, so the poisoned arrows and guardian statues to scare off marauders were pretty par for the course. But as Tevri stood alongside her fellow adventurers, staring up at the words etched over the next door, she found she had no clue what lay in wait.

None may wield such stuff of yore

Not til their darkest burdens bore

For all can break, and all can fall

So you must rise, or lose it all

Sestra was the first to take her eyes from the riddle, turning to the rest of the group.

“Well, that’s a bit ominous.” She stepped forward, reaching for the heavy brass handle of the door with one hand, the other going to the hilt of her sword at her hip. “Shall we?”

Tevri nodded, her auburn curls bouncing up and down. “Let’s do this - that old pile of bones hasn’t beat us yet!”

From a few steps back, Gray spoke up from within the depths of his robes, voice as quiet as ever. “I’m not sure I like going into this unprepared, but we can't just turn around.” Instinctively, he reached for the pendant around his neck, turning it over in his fingers. “At least, I can’t.”

iWith everyone on board, Sestra turned the handle and pushed the door open. It moved with a mighty creak, revealing what looked at first like a thousand brightly glowing stars on the cavern ceiling above them, the light glinting off of metallic shapes below.

“Wait…” Gray moved forward a bit to get a better view. “I think I’ve read about those things on the ceiling. A sort of glowing fungi.”

Tevri craned her neck to gaze up at the lights. “Ooh, they’re pretty, aren’t they?”

“More importantly,” Sestra said, “those look like mirrors blocking our path. A whole lot of them.” She started walking, closing the distance to the first mirror, and the others quickly followed her, Tevri extinguishing the torch she’d been carrying to light the group’s way as they went.

The white-blue light of the strange fungi above them reflected endlessly off of the mirrors, and the mirrors themselves seemed to form the walls of some sort of maze, stretching off into the depths of the cavern. Sestra took the lead, stepping into one of the passages the mirrors formed. Her infinite reflections walked along with her on either side. a never-ending line of battle-scarred, armored warriors, their dark hair cut short in the same jaw-length bob.

Behind her, Tevri followed, still taking in her surroundings. This was far from her first time seeing sights such as these, but pain and peril be damned, she’d appreciate this moment before the next threat reared its head.

“I wonder who set up all these mirrors,” she mused. “I mean, mage or not, building something like this must’ve taken forever. Actually, what if - “

“Tevri.” Gray almost never interrupted anyone, and the single word was enough to make the rest of Tevri’s thought die in her throat.

“What is it?”

Gray had stopped in his tracks, and both Tevri and Sestra did the same, looking back at him and his many mirror-selves in their many shabby robes.

“Tevri, you don’t have a reflection.”

Tevri’s eyes widened, and she whirled to look to the mirror on her right, then on her left. There was no short, leather-clad young woman staring back at her on either side, not even a sign of her pack or torch or daggers sheathed on her belt.

“Wait, how -”

THUD.

The three of them whipped around to see the great wooden doors sealed shut.

“Well,” Gray said, “not to jump to conclusions, but I don’t think we’re meant to be able to leave that way.”

Sestra’s gaze stayed fixed on the door, eyes narrowing slightly. “Check just in case?”

Gray nodded, raising a hand, and murmured a spell under his breath. A moment later he turned back to the group, eyes still faintly aglow from the truesight he’d cast.

“Whatever spell is binding those doors shut won’t be easy to break. Melvost was a powerful caster, and from what I can see, it’d take me days to even start to undo his work.”

“You know,” said a voice that sounded like Sestra’s, sharp and cool like a river in winter. “You really should have checked for that before you started wandering around.”

Tevri and Gray both turned to look at Sestra in surprise, but Sestra herself seemed even more taken aback, glancing around wildly.

“Who’s there?” She pulled her sword from its sheath, quickly shifting into a defensive stance.

The same voice spoke again. “What, you really haven’t figured it out yet?”

Behind Sestra, Tevri suddenly gasped. “Wait, I think - Sestra, the mirror!”

In the mirrors on either side, Sestra’s many reflections smiled. “There you go. Clever, but hardly worth keeping either of you around for. If she just got back to looking out for number one like she used to instead of being spread thin trying to keep everyone breathing, she would’ve stayed on her game.” As Sestra’s reflections spoke, they began to fade into each other until there was just one on either side of the mirrored passage. Then, both moving in perfect unison, the reflections stepped forwards. As they emerged from the mirror, they both reached out a hand to each other, seamlessly melding into one.

“Ahhhh,” Mirror-Sestra said, flexing her fingers as if to make sure everything was in working order. “That’s better.”

Sestra glowered, advancing with her sword, but not striking just yet. “Give me one good reason to not slice you in two right here and now, you…whatever you are.”

“You’re more than welcome to try, but you’ve grown soft ever since you stopped going it alone. And don’t pretend you don’t agree - you know you’d be missing a few of those scars if you didn’t throw yourself in danger defending them.”

“And I know they’ve saved me a fair few more, so don't even go there!”

Tevri, daggers already in hand, spoke with every fiber of conviction she could summon. “And we’re going to keep on having her back, so you’d better be ready to take on all three of us!”

“Oh, but it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself up against enough threats that she’ll realize the smarter move was to stick to counting on just herself.” The reflection spoke to Tevri again, but something in the way her gaze seemed to move right through her made Tevri sure that the words weren’t really meant for her. Then, just before any of them could reply, Mirror-Sestra’s gaze moved away from the three, fixing on something just over Gray’s shoulder. “Like now, for example.”

“What - oh.” Realization dawned on Gray’s face, and he slowly turned around. A perfect copy of himself stared back at him. Gray took a step back, towards his friends.

Mirror-Gray moved forward to match him, expression unreadable, and Tevri realized that thep two reflections had the party closed in on both sides.

Gray’s reflection spoke with the same quiet, steady voice that Gray himself did, but all the warmth seemed drained out of it. “I take it you know what I am.”

“‘Darkest burdens bore’ is starting to make sense now,” Gray said, reflexively reaching for his pendant.

“Would you like to know how far you’re willing to go? You told Elrim you’d break his curse at any cost, after all.”

“I did.” Gray’s fingers wrapped tighter around the pendant. “I’ve carried this as a reminder, and I don’t intend to let it - or him - go anytime soon. But there are lines.”

“And you would never cross them?” Mirror-Gray asked, taking another step forwards. Gray moved back again, stumbling into Tevri as he found himself with nowhere left to go.

“Of - of course not!”

“So you’ve never thought about selling your spell services to the queen? You’ve never considered that as a royal mage, you’d have every resource at your fingertips to save your dear Elrim?”

In between Gray and Sestra, Tevri found herself glancing between the two of them. Gray looked petrified, but Sestra seemed ready to attack, and her mirror self was drawing her sword as well. If they were meant to just fight their way through this, she thought, Melvost would have given them something much more straightforward to face, and Tevri was pretty sure once weapons started swinging, it’d be a lot harder to tackle whatever it was they were actually supposed to be doing. That settled it - she turned to the two Sestras, each moments away from lunging at the other.

“Both of you, listen, I don’t think we win by fighting here. That’s too easy.”

Mirror-Sestra smirked. “Oh, she couldn’t best me even if she wanted to.”

“Want to test that?” Sestra snarled. “Because I sure do.”

“Both of you, please, just hold on a min - ah!”

Tevri leapt to the side as Mirror-Sestra’s blade sliced through the air barely an inch from

her chest. In an instant, Sestra shot forward, steel flashing. The sharp clang of swords clashing echoed throughout the cavern. So much for no fighting.

Tevri maneuvered deftly, trying to find an angle to throw a well-placed dagger, but the familiar glow of magic caught her attention from the corner of her eye. She turned, dagger st the ready, to see Mirror-Gray, hands aglow, towering over Gray’s kneeling form. Gray’s mouth opened to speak, but not a single word came out, and Tevri saw his hand go to his throat.

He can’t breathe.

Mirror-Gray looked down at him. “See what sorts of magic you can do when you’re willing to do anything it takes? And if what it takes to save him is taking your place here, then I’ll do that, too.”

Tevri was no master of magic, but she knew as well as anyone that mages couldn’t exactly keep a spell going without being able to concentrate. And, she figured, a nice deep wound would make focusing pretty damn hard. In one fluid motion, she lunged forward, thrusting her dagger deep into Mirror-Gray’s arm. He let out a yell, collapsing to his knees just like his counterpart.

Gray began coughing and gasping in deep breaths of air, and Tevri felt relief flood through her. But why had he frozen up in the first place? She’d seen him get out of far tighter spots than this, and even if his reflection was more powerful, it still should’ve taken more than one well-placed spell to almost kill him.

Because he figured it out, and he knew exactly who would step out of the mirror. And that scares him more than anything else.

“Gray.” She grabbed his shoulders, putting herself between him and his reflection. “Gray, look at me. You didn’t choose to join the queen. You didn’t put anyone in harm’s way to save Elrim. You didn’t betray your principles.”

“But I could - “

“Except you didn’t. And is it any wonder you want to save the man you love from being cursed? But gods forbid that you be a little torn over the most harrowing choices of your life, I guess!”

Gray’s eyes rose to meet hers. She was getting through to him - the question was, what exactly did Melvost want from whoever entered this part of his dungeon? Destroying their counterparts didn’t make any sense; not even the most powerful magic could make their burdens disappear for real. But the riddle hadn’t actually said anything about losing the burdens, so maybe it wasn’t about that - maybe, Tevri realized, it was just the opposite.

She took a breath, focusing back on Gray again. “So stop moping around, and go tell him exactly why you won’t choose to become him.”

“I…Yeah, I can do that.” He stood, Tevri helping to steady him, and looked down at his reflection.

“I could join the queen’s forces.” At first, the words came hesitantly, but grew more sure as he continued on. “I could become ruthless, justifying every choice I make with bringing Elrim back. But I won’t, because that’s selfish, and wrong, and Ellrim would never want that to begin with.”

He reached out a hand to his counterpart. “You’re a part of me, because a part of me wants to save him no matter the cost, but that doesn’t change that I won’t do it.”

Mirror-Gray took the hand, and Gray pulled him to his feet. For a moment, they both stared at each other, seemingly unsure what to do next, but then Gray’s reflection began to fade, the ghostly remnants of his form drifting towards him, returning from where they came.

And then, the two were one once more.

In the sudden calm, the sounds of clashing steel from somewhere nearby rang out through the cavern. Wherever Sestra and her reflection’s fight had taken them, Tevri thought, at least they were both still breathing - after seeing how things had gone with Gray, she didn’t want to think about what might happen if one of the Sestras get killed.

Tevri turned to look at Gray, who seemed to still be catching his breath a bit.

“Be right back.”

______________________________________

Tevri dashed through the mirrored paths, the lights’ disorienting reflections - but still not hers - almost sending her tumbling more than once. But she managed to keep her footing, darting right around one corner, then left around another. Then, rounding one last turn, she saw the two Sestras, still locked in their duel. It was just an instant too late to stop, and even as Tevri tried to skid to a halt, she went barreling right into Mirror-Sestra, arms flailing wildly.

Mirror-Sestra stumbled forward, and in a sudden blur of motion, Sestra snatched up the opening, knocking her reflection’s sword from her hand with one swift kick.

And just like that, it was over, Sestra’s sword pointed at her counterpart’s throat.

“Sestra, wait.” Tevri forced the panic from her voice, trying to sound as steady as she could. “Don’t kill her.”

“And why in all the hells shouldn’t I?” The sword inched closer to Mirror-Sestra’s throat.

“Because she’s you.”

“Yeah, I can see that. And if I let her go, she’ll do whatever she needs to survive, and I don’t think both of us get to get out of here.”

“Yes, you do! She's part of you, Sestra, and until you accept her, she’ll keep being at odds with you.”

“I accept her just fine, which is exactly why I know she’ll never trust me, and I’ll never trust her.”

Tevri glanced between them, taking in the same piercing glare and guarded stance each of them held. This wasn’t going to be as easy as a few motivational words.

But, maybe, if she couldn’t get Sestra to trust her reflection…

“Fine. Don’t trust her, then. Trust me.”

Something softened in Sestra’s face, but her sword remained where it was.

“You don’t have to do this all on your own. You’ve trusted Gray and me enough to go on this adventure together - I just need you to trust me a little bit more.”

The sword lowered.

“She’s just as scared as you are. And even more alone.”

The sword fell to the ground, metal clattering on stone.

She’s almost there. Tevri was about to speak again, but paused. Sestra seemed to be taking in her reflection’s expression, no longer angry, just confused and vulnerable. For a moment, Sestra just stood, gaze fixed on her counterpart.

“But I… need her like that. What if I have to be like her again, and she’s not there anymore?”

“Then that’s a problem for later - and I know you; you’ll be able to handle it. But as long as she’s not okay, neither are you, really.”

“Yeah.” Sestra hesitated, seeming to consider something, and then stepped forward. As she closed the distance between the two parts of herself, she reached out, arms wrapping her mirror-self in a hug.

As one, all the tension seemed to sink out of both their shoulders. Then, just like with Gray, Sestra’s reflection faded away, seemingly dissipating into her.

For a long minute, there was silence. Tevri saw Gray standing nearby - when he’d arrived, she wasn‘t sure - and as the three of them collected themselves, Tevri’s gaze turned towards the mirror.

There was still nothing looking back at her.

Finally, Sesntra bent to pick up her sword, then turned to look at the two of them. “Well. That… certainly happened.”

“Yep.” Tevri nodded. “I don’t know about you two, but I think I’m about ready to head out.”

“Wait,” Gray said. “What about your reflection?”

Sestra shrugged. “Maybe she just doesn’t have one. I mean, Tevri’s not exactly dark and gloomy, y’know?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Tevri agreed, a little more hesitation in her voice than she’d expected there to be. Sestra was right, though - she had always been the sort to find a way to have high spirits no matter what. “Nothing else seems to be coming our way, though, so we should probably start finding our way to the next door.”

She turned to look at the sprawling maze of mirrors. It stretched on into the depths of the cavern, its end somewhere out of sight.

This might take a while.

______________________________________

It had been three hours since the party started wandering through the maze, and they were still no closer to finding their way out. Sestra had been marking the mirrors with arrows scratched with her sword, but the trio had yet to find any of those marks. Gray had theorized that the maze was enchanted to mend itself, and considering they were certain to have retraced their steps at least once, it seemed he’d been right.

Sestra, in the lead as usual, stopped and turned to the other two. She drew in a long, deep breath, then let it out slowly in a sigh.

“Okay,” she said. “Obviously we’re missing something. Gray and I have met our reflections, but Tevri, if you really didn’t have one, we’d be out of here already. There’s got to be a reason for that.”

Tevri pushed the growing pit of snakes in her stomach down - this wasn’t going to get solved with panicking. “Maybe we could just break the mirrors and forge a path straight to the other side?”

Gray shook his head. “Melvost would’ve thought of that. From what I’ve been able to untangle of the spell so far, the way out is tied into the maze, so it’s best we don’t destroy it.”

“Alright,” Tevri agreed. “Then we’ll just need to find some other way to solve this! Maybe we can find some high ground at the edge of the cavern to see more of the maze from? Or maybe - “

She stopped, feeling Sestra’s hand rest on her shoulder. “Tevri, I think you know there’s only one way out of here. You’ve got to have a darkest burden, too - think. What is it?”

“I mean, I guess I can ramble sometimes?”

Gray seemed to consider for a moment before speaking. “I don’t think that’s… core enough.”

“Well, then, what is?” Tevri asked. “Because I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper inner demon.”

Sestra started pacing back and forth in thought. “You’ve had to make tough choices before, though, It’s not like adventuring is all sunsthine and rainbows.”

“Well, sure, but why would I be sad over things when you can just accept them and find the best way forward?”

Sestra’s pacing grew a little faster, and she let out a sigh. “Okay, then. Jealousy?”

“Nope, I like being me.”

“Anger?”

“Why would I be angry? It’s not like it helps any.”

“Sadness?”

“There’s no time to be sad. problems are waiting to be fixed.” The snakes were writhing more fiercely now, but Tevri pushed their presence away. Being all mopey wouldn’t solve this - staying positive was how things got sorted out.

“Well, there’s clearly something, or else we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“I don’t know, but what if we try - “

Sestra whipped around, no longer pacing. “Tevri. There is no other way. Just see if you can think of something that you struggle with.”

“I… I just…” Why can’t I find any words? Deep in her gut, the snakes refused to obey the order to stay still.

“Sestra,” Gray murmured. “Maybe we should give her a minute.”

“We’ve given her hours. Listen, Tevri, just tell us what’s wrong, and -”

“EVERYTHING.”

It was like all the snakes sank their teeth into her at once, and the word left her mouth before she even know she was saying it.

Gray and Sestra were staring, wide-eyed, and somewhere very far away, Tevri realized she was shouting.

“Everything’s wrong, okay?! There’s danger around practically every corner, we can’t walk into a village without hearing of some threat to its very being, and there are gods and dragons and stupid dead wizards with their stupid mirror mazes that we somehow need to hold our own against, and we’re JUST THREE PEOPLE. Do you know how many lives I’ve taken in the year since we started adventuring? Because I sure don’t! But they’re bandits, or they’re the queen’s soldiers, or they’re some sort of beast that’s just trying to mind its own business, but we’ve happened on it in its search for dinner. So I keep telling myself that it’s okay, because when someone’s trying to kill you, it’s not like you’ve got a whole lot of options. And it’s not like we have time to be sad about it, because there are ALWAYS MORE PROBLEMS.”

Tevri let out a shaky breath, thoughts catching up to words again.

“If I let any of that get to me, I’d just fall apart. So, I don’t.”

“Tevri,” Gray said softly. “Look in the mirror.”

The spot where her reflection should have been on either side was no longer empty. Tevri took in the sight of her own form, sitting with knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around herself and eyes staring ahead blankly.

“That’s… me?”

The reflections didn’t walk towards each other like Sestra’s and Gray’s had, but instead simply faded, the singular Mirror-Tevri appearing in the center of the passage in front of the trio. She still sat in that same position, the same blank stare in her eyes.

Tevri hesitantly stepped forward, then knelt down in front of her reflection. There was a faint tinge of red in Mirror-Tevri’s eyes, and they looked puffy, too.

“You’ve been crying. A lot.”

Mirror-Tevri stayed silent.

“Because the floodgates finally opened. And now you don’t think you can go back to how you were.”

A small nod was all Tevri got in response, but it was something.

“And you weren’t there before because if I couldn’t see you, then neither could the enchantment on this maze.”

Another small nod.

“But Melvost knew that everyone’s got burdens, so I guess the enchantment wouldn’t let me through until I found mine.”

Mirror-Tevri finally spoke, voice raspy and faint. “And if you don’t face it, you’ll end up just like me.”

Tevri let out a long breath. “But I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to feel lost or like I’m giving up.”

“Except,” Gray said, “it sounds like you already do.”

“Can’t I choose to try to fix things instead of just feeling bad? Isn’t that what I SHOULD be doing?”

Sestra spoke, the usual sharpness in her voice missing. “But when you start pretending you never felt bad to begin with, that’s different.”

“What happens if I can’t get back on my feet fast enough? What happens if being okay again is hard?”

“Well then,” Gray said, “you’ll have us.”

Two sets of arms wrapped around her, and Tevri felt the snakes in the pit of her stomach vanish. Something felt as if it were settling on her shoulders, heavy and solid, but not unbearable.

She got to her feet, and as she did, the lights on the cavern ceiling began to change. What had once looked like a sea of scattered stars was now a single path, twisting and turning above the three of them, showing them the way onwards.

An adventuring party is about to fight evil copies of themselves. But one side has an extra party member that the other side doesn’t recognize and that really confuses everyone.

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[soul-from-another-era]

Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.

[becomingvecna]

— David Cronenberg, Consumed

[thoughtcascades]

idk how to flirt but i can make things awkward if you're into that

[essence-inked]

So I started writing a little blurb for this and it just sort of evolved into a whole short story with a plot and everything, which I mostly wrote on my phone at work.

Content warning: suicide, but, like, in the most technical and absurd sense of the word

_______________________________________

“Just because you can’t be adventurous with your career choices - “

“Oh, you mean like TRICKING A DEMON LORD INTO GIVING YOU HIS JOB?”

“Hey, listen, Gagaroth drew up the contract, and I just found a… creative way to fill its terms. Then I rose up the ranks from there.”

“Okay, fine, Tammy. My point is - “

“It’s TAMARA, you little shit.”

“Awww, is Tammy upset? Is running the underworld starting to get a little stressful?”

“Elliot, I swear, if I see you down here ONE MORE TIME - “

“You’ll what? Kill m - “

Elliot didn’t bave a chance to finish speaking, and was instead encompassed by a sudden flash of magic. He shut his eyes against the brightness, and a moment later, felt the warmth of late spring sunlight on his face. The crash of nearby waves filled his ears, and he could feel sand shift underneath him as he moved.

He opened his eyes.

Above him, the cliff he had jumped from stretched up a good hundred feet or so, and he could just barely make out Arthur’s face peering out over the edge. As he got to his feet, Elliot heard a shout from above. He couldn’t catch much, but he was pretty sure Arthur was telling him off.

He began to make his way to where the cliff sloped into a steep hillside, where a set of concrete stairs led the way up, and as he reached the bottom of the steps, spotted Arthur rushing down to meet him.

“Seriously?” Arthur called as he hurried down the stairs. “Again?”

“I just needed to give her a heads up I’ll be coming through sometime next week, and make sure I wouldn’t get stuck with some idiot demon who thinks I’m supposed to stay there. Getting held up would really put a wrench in things.”

Arthur’s face scrunched up in that way it always did when Elliot got on his last nerve. “Yes, but can’t you just… I don’t know, poison yourself or something like a normal person?”

“Well, yeah, but I saw the view, and I thought, hey, why not enjoy the freefall on my way down to hell? Plus, it’s nice and fast, and poisoning is actually really unpleasant.”

“Alright, alright. Sheesh. Did you at least sort everything out while you were there?”

“Basically. She knows I’ll be back again soon. Didn’t really get official confirmation I wouldn’t be held up, but she rarely does that unless I really piss hwr off.”

Arthur let out a long sigh, running his fingers through his hair, inky-black curls being pushed back through his fingers to reveal the tinge of gray at his temples. It suited him, Elliot thought - at almost forty, he was finally looking at home in his frumpy old sweater vests and sensible shoes.

“I still can’t believe I’m doing this nonsense,” Arthur said as he turned to lead the way up the steps.

“You say, having voluntarily pulled these stunts with me for a decade now.”

“Only because you let me pick the targets. And because paying off law school debt in a normal way is a nightmare.”

“Hey, I’m all for letting you find ways to get some bad publicity for shitty corporations out of this. Makes it way more fun.”

“Glad to see you care so much about doing good.” They'd reached the top of the steps now, and Arthur turned back to catch Elliot’s gaze. “Seriously, though, you realize you could use immortality for a lot of other things besides getting in ridiculous ‘accidents’, ‘just barely surviving’, and then suing the everloving crap out of rich people, right?”

Elliot couldn’t help but smile a little. He’d never say so, but every time this came up, he inched just a little closer to considering Arthur’s point.

“So I keep hearing…”

_______________________________________

Seven days later, Elliot died again, which was a relief. Sometimes he’d miscalculate the ‘accident’ and actually wind up just barely surviving, and then he had to get Arthur to smother him with a pillow so he could do the resurrection reset and avoid being stuck with a broken back or somesuch.

The only problem with things at the moment, though, was that Tamara was sitting languidly on her throne, smiling. And Tamara smiling did not bode well.

Elliot decided to maybe not be as obnoxious as usual. “Sooo. Sure is a… horrible day down here?”

Tamara’s smile grew “Oh, terrible.”

“I’d love to stay and chat -”

“No you wouldn’t.”

“ - but I should probably get back to the being alive thing.”

She stood, taking a moment to adjust the sleeves of her slick black suit, then strode down the set of stairs of the throne’s pedestal.

“Actually,” she said, her high heels clicking on the obsidian floor as she closed the distance between them. “I’m just going to need to sort out dinner details with you first.”

“I’m sorry. Dinner what now?”

“Dinner details. With Mother and Father. They’ve been hassling me to get you to visit for decades now.”

According to Tamara, she would’ve tossed them right back into the world of the living, too, if they hadn’t been long-dead before she’s gotten her shiny new job, which meant she’d been left without mostly-intact bodies to send them back to. Magic could wrench a few bones back into place and restart a heart, but undoing decomposition was a much more complicated sort of matter. As far as Elliot was concerned, though, this was definitely for the best - at least for him.

“Sorry, Tammy. I appreciate the invite, but I'm pretty busy with the whole being alive thing.”

“Oh, please. I have it on good authority you’re still pulling the same inane scams, and not much else. Speaking of, which poor soul do you have as your partner in crime this time? I’ll make a note to apologize to them on your behalf when they get down here.”

Elliot scowled. Tamara was always pushing him to be more ambitious, to do something - anything - with his life. The first time he’d shown up in the underworld, when he’d gotten too drunk on his thirtieth birthday and managed to fatally stab himself with his own sword, he’d complained that it wasn’t fair, and she’d told him that, fine then, she was sending him back to life so he’d learn some damn responsibility, and when he stopped being a “whiny little shit,” then he could stay. Elliot had decided that this was great, because now he could do all sorts of things and not need to worry about dying, and Tamara had been criticizing his life choices ever since.

But now… a lightbulb went off in Elliot’s head. Maybe Arthur’s nagging was helpful after all - just not in the way he meant it to be. Maybe now, he had a way to get Tamara off his back, at least for a while.

“His name’s Arthur,” Elliot said, trying to look as offended as possible. “And for your information, we’re actually doing more than just getting money.”

Tamara raised an eyebrow. “Mhm, sure. And what, exactly, would that be?”

“We’ve been using my immortality and Arthur’s lawyering to tactically take down scummy corporations.”

“...Really.”

“Yes, really! We’re only just started, so it’s a work in progress, but the plan is to cause such a big, public stir that everything else they do gets called to light.”

“In that case, you won’t mind telling me who you’re currently targeting, will you?”

“Of course I wouldn’t mind!” Elliot grinned - thanks to Arthur, he knew all about what their latest mark was like. “The place I just came from? Yeah, those guys are employing child labor, and we’re going to see about bringing that to a screeching halt.”

Tamara seemed to be considering, but Elliot knew she knew he knew that if he was lying, she’d find out, which did lend him a lot of credibility. And as it stood, he was actually telling the truth - he’d just left out the bit where Arthur had been the one to convince him to take the corporations down a peg, and the bit where the plan had been just to cause some bad publicity in the process, not for that to be the main goal.

Tamara folded her arms, staring him down for long enough that Elliot started to wonder if he looked nervous, but then she spoke.

“Alright. I’ll buy it, for now. If it’s true, then I have to say, it’s nice to see you finally doing something with your life.”

“Wow. I’m sooooo honored. Can I go back now, please?”

“I don’t know, Elliot. Will you come to dinner with Mother and Father next Friday?”

“Seriously, I don’t have time for this. “

Tamara pulled a piece of thick, cream-colored paper and an ornate pen from her pocket, holding both of them out to him. The elaborate calligraphy on the paper was a bit tricky to parse, but it looked like she’d gotten the invitation in writing.

“Great, then sign here, and you can be right on your way.”

Damnit, she’s good. If I sign, she’ll be able to kill me herself and make sure I show up.

Elliot glanced down at his watch. He’d been gone a full three minutes now, which was really pushing it - too much longer and he’d get people asking questions he couldn’t easily answer.

“Fine. But only if you promise not to pull this crap again for at least another thirty years.”

“Nope. But nice try, though.”

“For fuck’s sake, Tammy!”

“Sign. The paper.”

“Okay, okay!” He scribbled his name down at the bottom of the paper, and shoved the invitation and the pen back into Tamara’s hands. “Happy now?”

“Very. See you Friday!”

And just like that, he was back, eyes snapping open to see Arthur bending over him and looking worried, a crowd of bystanders forming around them.

“Hey,” he said to Arthur. “So. Um. We may have a small problem.”

_______________________________________

“I’m sorry, you WHAT?”

“I sort of told my sister we were conspiring to destroy the reputation of a bunch of scummy corporations.”

Arthur paced up and down the length of their living room - well, technically, it was Elliot’s living room, since this was his house, but Arthur had been living here long enough that, at least for as long as he stayed, it belonged to both of them.

Elliot himself sat on the couch, hands cradling a mug of the the tea Arthur had made.

“She was being all uppity about me not doing anything with my life, so I figured I’d lean into your whole ‘make the world a better place’ thing. Problem is, now I have to actually go through with it, or she’ll be smug about it forever.”

“I said cause some bad publicity in the process while we were at it, not actively wage corporate war with scandals!”

“So you’ve told me. But seriously, how screwed am I?”

Arthur completed another lap of the room before pausing, turning to look at Elliot.

“...I mean. I guess it’s not completely bonkers.” He started pacing again, slowly at first, but steadily picking up speed as he talked. “The more publicity the case gets, the faster they’ll scramble to pay you off. It’s not like it’d be an unheard of stunt to pull out in the courtroom, and I have some contacts I could rope in on it. There’s no way we’ll actually wipe them off the corporate playing field, but we can definitely cause enough of a scandal to make a good show. Maybe even get them to be a bit less horrible in the interest of getting this all to die down.”

Elliot stared for a moment, then finally spoke up, voice a little softer than usual from sheer surprise.

“You really think so?”

“Yes. It’s absurd, but it’s not impossible.”

“And, hey, maybe using this con to try make some change for the better isn’t a terrible idea.”

Arthur whipped around, grinning, and pointed an accusing finger. “You do care!”

“No, I - “

“I knew it! No way you live for four hundred years without getting fed up with the injustices of the world!”

“Or learning to focus on other things.”

“Which you SAY you do, but I call bullshit.”

“Can’t prove anything.”

“Oh, but I don’t need to in order to know for myself.”

Arthur had a massive, triumphant grin plastered across his face, and Elliot couldn’t help but think how cute he was when he was all smug like that. Not that he intended to share that information, though - Elliot made a consious effort to keep his non-platonic experiences firmly in the realm of meaningless flings, and Arthur would be anything but. After all, telling him would be stupid, because eventually, he’d die and move on to the afterlife (knowing him, it’d be the fun one filled with sunshine and rainbows and such), and then Elliot wouldn’t stay desd at all, and they would both miss each other for the rest of eternity. Hell, they couldn’t even grow old together, because Tamara had decided the very first time he died that it’d be very annoying to have to send him back whenever he died of old age, so right off the bat, she’d made sure that wouldn’t happen to him.

Elliot brushed the musings away, pulling himself back to the present. The whole point of not doing the relationship thing was to avoid getting all emotional about it, so he was damn well going to do just that.

It was just a little harder to do than it had ever been before - that was all.

_______________________________________

“So, son, what have you been up to these past few decades?”

Elliot looked across the table at his father's spectral form. The fact that neither of his parents could actually eat made dinner with them all the more daunting, because there was nothing to distract them from pouring all their efforts into deciding whether or not their children were measuring up to expectation.

“I’ve been. Um.” He took a bite of the steak one of Tamara’s demon underlings had prepared, using the chance to think up the best way to word it. “I’ve been tackling business challenges. With… groundbreaking financial solutions.”

“Hm.” His father's bushy eyebrows lowered a little in scrutiny. “Interesting. How much revenue are you making from that?”

“Oh, don’t you worry, I am sufficiently upholding our old noble title - in fact, I’m making more money than our estate was originally worth.”

He wasn’t accounting for inflation, but of course, what his father didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Tamara very hurriedly lifted her goblet of wine to her mouth to hide her silent laughter, and didn’t say a word. Maybe she’d decided ratting him out to their parents was simply too far, or maybe she just thought it was funny to watch him try to bullshit his way through the conversation. Either way, Elliot figured, it was fine by him.

“But business aside,” interjected his mother. “What else has been keeping you so busy you haven’t been stopping by to pay your dear old parents a visit? You haven’t by chance met a nice girl to settle down with, have you?”

“Erm.” Elliot said.

Tamara took another swig from her goblet, barely managing to keep a straight face as she put it down.

“Well,” he continued. “Decisions like these are very important. I can't just settle for anyone, not as someone of my status. And of course, I’d want to find someone you approve of - and truth be told, most girls these days probably wouldn’t meet your standards. Really, you should see the sorts of clothes they wear - has Tammy told you the styles these days don’t even cover women’s knees anymore?”

His mother gasped. “Good heavens! What is the world coming to?”

“Yeab. Just horrible how they’re not bound by patriarchal rules anymore.” One of these days, Elliot thought, when he really needed a distraction, he would tell her about bikinis, and she would be clutching at her proverbial pearls for months to come.

“Speaking of clothes, dear,” his mother said, turning to Tamara. “You should really think about wearing something a little less… like that. Perhaps a nice dress instead?”

“Oh, I would if I could, Mother, but in the underworld, all the conventions are to be turned on their head - I’ve brought our family all the power you and Father ever wanted, but to keep it, I must abide by the rules of this wretched place.”

Now it was Elliot’s turn to focus very hard on eating his steak and keeping a straight face. And it was a good thing he managed to - at least mostly - because his mother turned back to him a moment later.

“But really sweetheart, it’s been centuries, and someone has to carry on the family name. Maybe you'd like help finding a nice girl to marry? I know I can’t go to the world of the living, but I’m sure we could figure out some way for me to be involved!”

“Actually, Mother,” Tamara cut in, “Elliot does have a special someone in his life he seems to be madly in love with.”

“Tammy, what the hell?” Elliot hissed, giving his sister’s shin a swift kick underneath the table.

It was answered with an equally swift kick right back, and Elliot had to summon all his willpower not to wince.

“In fact,” Tamara said, “SHE seems like a perfect match for him. Lovely girl, very modest, good head on her shoulders and all that.”

What was she doing? Was she actually trying to help him out here? Did she have some other sort of plan?

His questions were left unanswered as the conversation went on long into the evening, and finally, at long last, the four of them said their goodbyes. Their parents were the first to leave, and then it was just Elliot and Tamara, with Elliot waiting to be sent back to the world of the living.

Tamara turned to him, smirking.

“Y’know, for a guy who claims to avoid falling in love, you sure did react a lot when I mentioned your special someone.”

“That’s not - “

“You must be head over heels for that Arthur guy, huh?”

“No I’m not! I mean, he’s nice and all, but we’re just business partners.”

“And you’re sure that’s all you want?”

“Oh my god. Can you PLEASE just send me home?”

“Okay, okay, but I’m calling it now… you’re totally in love.”

_______________________________________

When Elliot returned to life, it was on the couch, with a blanket draped over him. He sat up slowly, feeling a little bleary - he was rarely gone for this long - and looked around to see Arthur sitting in an armchair nearby, book in hand.

Arthur tucked a bookmark in between the pages and set the book down on their coffee table.

“So? How’d it go?”

“It technically could’ve been worse…” Elliot groaned, rubbing his temples with his hands. He could feel one hell of a headache coming on. “But I could’ve been doing literally anything else with my Friday night, and instead I got stuck listening to my parents be four centuries behind the times - and of course, Tammy had to stick her nose into my private business.”

And call him out on having fallen for someone, so now he had that to turn over in his head for a while.

“Well, hey, at least you have practically an infinity of Friday nights to make up for lost time, and you said this only happens every few decades, right?”

“Yeah, usually I can avoid them for at least that long before something like this comes up.” He paused, wincing at the pain shooting through his head - being dead that long had really done a number on him - and Arthur stood.

“Looks like you’re not having a fun time. Water and an aspirin?”

“Yes please.”

“Be right back.” Arthur hurried off, and Elliot heard the sound of running water, the clink of glass being set down on the countertop, the sound of a drawer being opened and shut.

He leaned his head back against the arm of the couch and tugged the blanket up a bit higher. Of course he had to go and be all nice and make sure I was comfortable by giving me a blanket. Couldn’t just stop being endearing for five fucking seconds, could he?

Arthur came back in with said water and aspirin, both of which Elliot downed.

For a moment, there was silence, and Elliot felt a weight settle somewhere deep in his chest. How many more decades did he have left of this before Arthur was gone? Four? Five? Probably a lot less, because eventually he’d want to go off and find people willing to let themselves be close to him.

“You know,” he said, not quite looking Arthur in the eye. “Being immortal really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Oh?”

“Ir’s just. Since there IS actually a life after death, I sort of miss out. And when people go off to it, I… never get to follow.”

“Mhm.” Arthur sat down, perched on the edge of the coffee table. “That must be pretty lonely.”

“Yeah. Kinda makes things like falling in love and all thst jazz a little tricky. But, hey, at least I don’t need to worry about dying before I’m ready, right?”

Arthur didn’t respond right away, instead absent-mindedly fiddling with the now-empty glass Elliot had set down on the table beside him. After a moment, he spoke up quietly. “I always sort of thought it was the other way around - I mean, once you die, you sort of stop being… real. I’ve been thinking of it sort of like stepping off a stage and joining the audience watching a play. You’re still in the theater, but you’re done being in the spotlight.”

“That’s probably a decent metaphor. But how does thst tie in?”

“Well, the relationship ending is going to mess everyone involved up. But for you, when you lose someone, you have forever to stay onstage and find new people. Anyone who leaves you will just be stuck in the audience, missing you, knowing you’re still out there, and that they're just a memory to you.”

He made a good point, Elliot thought. But…that was a hell of a comment from an allegedly passive observer.

He turned his head to meet Arthur’s gaze.

For a very short moment, they were staring into each other’s eyes, and then Arthur looked down, breakimg the connection.

“I just. I’d imagine that’s what it must be like. Not that I’m any sort of authority on the matter.”

“Mhm. Right.” Elliot wasn’t sure quite what was just in his head, but there was something unsaid that hung in the air. He was about to brush it off as wishful thinking, when suddenly, Arthur’s words caught up to him.

He said he’d been thinking about it. About… being with someone like me?

“Wait,” he said. He shifted so he was sitting up on the couch. And then he realized that if he said the thing they’d been sidestepping around, then there was no going back. Thanks to all the recent nonsense, his feelings for Arthur had been brought front and center, and it was getting especially hard to pretend they didn’t exist. If Arthur didn’t feel the same, then that was alright - rejection he could handle fine. But if he did reciprocate, then Elliot would have to face the fact that being together would only end in being torn apart.

“Hm?” Arthur was looking at him with concern, and Elliot realized he’d never finished the thought.

“I just.”

“You just..?”

They could never go back to normal after this. But then again, there was a limit on the amount of repressed emotions he could successfully bury, and Elliot was pretty sure he’d just about found it.

It was time to take the plunge.

“Just… about you thinking about this. I’ve been thinking about it, too. About you.”

Arthur stared. “Hang on. Do you mean that you…”

“Oh my god, do I have to spell it out? I love you, you absolute nitiwit.”

“Oh.” Artbur seemed to be trying to reboot his ability to speak a little. “I mean. So do I. Love you, that is.”

“Well, shit.” Elliot couldn’t stop a grin from spreading across his face. “So. Erm. I’d really like to kiss you right about now.”

“Please do.”

“Just, real quick - there’s still the whole immortal problem.”

“I know. But maybe you can talk to your sister about that?”

“Might as well - what've I got to lose?”

“Exsctly. Now, about that kissing thing…”

Elliot leaned in, and as their lips touched, he felt his entire world grow ten times brighter.

_______________________________________

Two months later, Elliot jumped off the cliff again.

He and Arthur had decided to make sure they didn’t immediately turn out to make a terrible couple before Elliot found a way to follow Arthur into the afterlife, and so far, things had been pretty damn wonderful. Of course, there was always the chance that could change, but it wasn’t as if he particularly wanted immortality anyway - it'd been fun for the first hundred years or so, but whether or not he and Arthur stayed together, moving on to eternity in the afterlife was the better option in his opinion.

In front of him, Tamara sat on her throne, fuming.

“Is this some sort of thing you’re doing to try to get back at me for making you come to dinner? Because if you decide to just start dying on the reg to piss me off, I WILL send some demons to torment you after I bring you back to life.”

“God no. You think I have the dedication to bother with vengeance?”

Tamara nodded solemnly. “That is a very good point.”

For a moment, she seemed to be waiting, and then said “So. What is it that you want?”

“Well,” Elliot began, choosing his words carefully. Now was, quite honestly, not the time to be an obnoxious little shit. “You’ve always said the reason why you keep kicking me back out to the world of the living is that you don’t want to hear me complaining about an unfair death."

“Yes. And?”

“What if I had a fair one? What if I spent my life doing something meaningful, and with someone special? And then what if I wanted to follow him to the afterlife when we’re done?"

Judging by Tamara’s expression, she would’ve been less confused if Elliot had told her it was his most treasured dream to one day become an accountant sitting in a dreary cubicle for several hours a day.

But then, Elliot saw realization dawn on her face, and he scrambled to head her off before she could embarrass him into utter oblivion.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you told me so. You don’t need to rub it in. Point is, I - “

“Oh, nonono. You’re not getting out of this one.”

“C’mon Tammy - “

“You loooooooove him.”

“Yes, obviously.”

“Enough to confess, and to come all the way down here, just to ask me to let you die…”

“Oh my god. I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

Tamara’s smirk grew even wider. “Not even a little bit.”

“Figured. But anyways. Can I please be mortal?”

“Yes, Elliot. You can be mortal.”

“And go to the cool afterlife with Arthur?”

“As long as you don't do anything wildly awful, fine.”

Elliot wanted to be annoyed at her for teasing him about all this, but he couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Now get the hell out of my throne room before I change my mind.”

There was a blinding flash, and then Elliot found himself snapped back to life at the bottom of the cliff. He got to his feet and headed for the stairs, and into his finite mortal existence, waiting for him to live it.

"How does he keep coming back from the dead?"

"His older sister is the ruler of the underworld. She doesn't want to deal with him, either."

[usefulquotes7]

[flowrrs4u]

I am good. I am loved.

[within-the-last-minute]

stay safe because i like being alive at the same time as you.

[essence-inked]

I know very little about TF2, but look, okay, if Spy's canonically Scout's dad, do you realize what that means? Scout's the youngest of eight siblings, and Spy being with Scout's mom was news to Scout, so that means that Spy somehow managed to have a whole entire romance with Scout's mom (I cannot imagine they just went and hooked up somewhere, Spy seems like the exact sort of extra motherfucker - pun fully intended - who would get really into sweeping women off their feet), and somehow did this without any of Scout's siblings finding out.

I can absolutely see this being an "ah, my most challenging mission yet" moment, where Spy comes up with a whole elaborate ruse for why Scout's mom needs to leave the house for a couple hours so he can take her out to dinner. And he's in the middle of, like, explaining how a grappling hook or something is going to be involved, and she just goes "babe all I need to do to hire a babysitter and tell the kids I'm catching up with an old friend," and Spy's like "No! They will find you out!"

Anyways I'm not familiar enough with the game to write this, but I would so want to read it.

[daughterofchaosstuff]

done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness demands a sword.

[resqectable]

Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

Sylvia Plath

[soul-from-another-era]

[animentality]

[thoughtcascades]

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them