#writing filipinos

[seilucard]

stuff i wish people did when making a filipino character (part 1?)

disclaimer: i am by no means an expert, but i am a born and raised filipino so! take that as you will

actually make the filipino be born and raised in the philippines. there are very few filipinos that show just how beautiful (and, admittedly, toxic) the culture of the philippines can be in modern media, if AT ALL.

like lets talk about the toxicity of filipino culture -cause there is SO much to be said about how problematic the hierarchical family structure is of most filipino families. children are rarely given any agency, are spoiled in the early beginnings of their lives and then suddenly once theyre adults theyre expected to just know how to adult despite being sheltered their entire lives.

okay and lets not even get STARTED with religious trauma. there are actually quite a lot of filipino youth who are very very detached from the main religion here (catholicism) because of it. i cant speak for the muslim population of the philippines as they tend to live far from where i live, but what i do know is that a ton of us filipino youth have been traumatized from their experiences in catholic schools. like,,, the horror stories you will hear from this place are just sad.

but on the brighter side, lets talk about the casual gender neutrality of filipino culture. we have no gendered pronouns. at its best? the philippines is very liberal with how AMABs and AFABs can present - it's, of course, still shunned upon to dress like the opposite sex, but among the younger generations, its SO common to see AMABs wearing makeup and skirts and heels and AFABs having short, masculine looking haircuts. oh, and the philippine drag scene is absolutely amazing!! if you want an easy gateway into queer Filipino media, ph drag race shows are the way to go

[musings-n-museums]

i don't know which one feels more like home. (the uncertainty or the chaos)

fireworks by jaedha godwin, pinterest // split by niki // post by @haykhighland (infinite thanks for letting me use your post // special by sza // images from pinterest // post-glacial by tori mccandless // "saga (i won't forget you when i'm gone)", andrei voznesensk - translated by @metamorphesque // split by niki // image from pinterest

[inkcurlsandknives]

Hi Tumblr I'm an Asian fantasy author fleeing the sudden death of all my other social media sites ��� I've used Tumblr for years as a fandom lurker and rarely posted but in light of all my other communities imploding I guess I'll have to figure out how to be actually active on Tumblr and find bookish and writerly folks here 💜 say hi if that's you 🥺

If you love diverse filipino fantasy with bipoc leads, angry bi women clawing for space in a world that's always rejected them and soft boys who'd do anything for them, awesome elemental magic based on early Filipino shaman/ babaylan/katalonan mythologies and the Tagalog creation story, and the Bakunawa/Laho the 🇵🇭 sea dragon 🐉 and drowning colonizers then I hope you'll keep an eye out for SAINTS OF STORM AND SORROW coming in June 2024 from Titan Books

[tagamantra]

SLIT THE THROAT OF SELF RESTRAINT.

The world ended after the Second World Revolution failed. The Utter Islands is nothing but a divine corpse; humanity its festering maggots. But in an ancient temple guarded by demon bodhisattvas, the murdered martial artist Raxri Uttara awakens from a pool of azure healing waters.

Without memory, without power, but with rage: Raxri scours the archipelago to re-attain their lost martial arts and magicks, which once shattered godly spines. If they don't? The full force of Heaven will crash down upon them.

GOD OBLITERATING VAJRA is a Sword, Gun & Magick Wuxia webnovel set in the Utter Islands, an archipelago inspired by Revolutionary Asia and Esoteric Buddhism. A thundering archipelago where gun mystics duel with charnel saints. Dead gods power karmic skyships. The Latter Day of the Law: Revolution billows through streets and rivers lit by fulgent karma.

In a realm this belligerent, the chance of an amnesiac surviving is near 0.

But what can you do to someone that has nothing left to lose and everything to gain?

WHAT TO EXPECT

[✓] Disco Elysium X The Raid X Ip Man X Ruroni Kenshin X Tsongkhapa's Philosophy

[✓] Slow Burn Wuxia in an immersive Post-Apocalyptic Sword, Gun, & Magick world.

[✓] Multiple POVs

[✓] Brutal and kinetic martial art action. 

[✓] Fucked up relationships and coping mechanisms.

[✓] Some Horror. Some Opt-In Sexual Content. 

ABOUT HINGSAJAGRA

Hingsajagra is the Fantastic Realist world of God Obliterating Vajra. Inspired by Esoteric Buddhism and Revolutionary Asia. Giant cats turned into apartment complexes, ghost horse steeds that tire not, walking giant mechanical armors turned into public transportation, charnel wizards summoning the long-dead, witches wielding the Pureflame of Creation, the Machine God beginning its slick advance into forever progress... the Age of Furor is upon us. The Latter Day of the Law. The Termagant Buddha watches closely.

Art above by @gnarlyghost! Logo by me.

[bengiyo]

Ben's Big BL Blurb 4: I Hope I See Jay Sorathon Again

New year, new blurb. Time to reflect on a few shows finishing, talk about some new shows, and see where we're at in January.

Haunted Hearts Sucked

Final Verdict: 5.5, Not Recommended. Y'all don't need to watch this weird mess of a show. Despite joking about "devirginizing" its lead multiple times, it was so chaste in the end. It also did some weird world shenanigans I was not feeling. The leads are supposed to be in another Oxin Films project soon, so we'll see if they're better there.

Caged Again Flopped

Final Verdict: 6, Recommended Only For Jay Sorathon. This one really hurts me, because I genuinely loved the first half of this show. Jay Sorathon as Junior was one of the most refreshing experiences I've had in a while. This young actor is charming in a way that felt different, and I found myself enjoying every scene he was in because he could deliver what he was asked to do. However, the show generally failed to do much with most of its themes, and I think it was a real waste of Nokia and Jaonine as a pair. There were interesting themes about how Junior and Sun wanted different things out of their relationship that didn't get resolved, so all of their skinship felt disconnected from the big themes they were teasing out.

I am sad that I cannot really recommend this as a complete viewing experience, but I do not want that to detract from how much I enjoyed the entire cast's chemistry. I just cannot pretend that this show didn't peak at the gif used above before floundering completely.

An Apology to City of Stars

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended. I skipped this show originally because I was overloaded and unmoved by the first episode. However, this show was actually one of the most consistent narratives we've had about the consequences of fan culture, sponsorship, and commercialization of queer actors we've had this year. Unlike Only Boo!, this show inflicted real consequences on Feuang for coming out to the point that he essentially had to change careers (which happens to real actors all the time, going back as far or further than William Haines).

The leads also kept having sex after getting together! A novel experience! I loved that Krom had almost no swag, and Feuang fell for him entire on family photos and his mom gushing over him. He really won as a tech worker. Watch this if you're interested in seeing a show with clear ideas about the entertainment industry and are willing to deal with some weak acting.

Our Youth Left Me A Bit Wanting

Final Verdict 8: Recommended With Reservations. I wrote my write up for this already, and will say here that I like parts of this show a lot even though I wasn't fully satisfied by the viewing experience.

See Your Love Got All The Important Things Right

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended for the Mains. I will admit that I didn't much care for the side couple, but I loved Shaopeng and Sean's relationship. I loved that this wasn't a story about fixing someone's hearing so they could be in a romance. I also love that one of our final scenes in Shaopeng's dad telling Sean's dad to go fuck himself. The leads reminded me of Jimmy and Tommy from Why R U and I loved their work together.

Love in the Air Koi Was a Genuine Delight

Final Verdict: 9, Highly Recommended. I liked it a lot. I think new and old fans will be able to enjoy it. I have high hopes about cross-cultural adaptations as a result.

Love is Like a Poison Was Spectacular

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. I had so much fun with this show. I love that this show blended multiple genres together, and I loved that Shiba was always in a legal drama. By blending this together this way, the show supports the idea that the different ways we love and see the world are not incompatible in relationships. Shiba and Haruto are one of the best couples we had this past year, because they each made the other better, and they each add something to their relationship. Also, this show was actively horny the entire time. Run, do not walk, to support this show (if you can) on Netflix.

Fragrance You Inherit Was The One of the Kindest Shows I've Ever Seen

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. Thanks to the constant efforts of @isaksbestpillow we were able to enjoy this incredible show. @twig-tea already wrote a great review. I will be thinking about Sakura and Touki for years. I will just add that I really loved that Hoshii was just a goofy dude that loved the women in his home. He respected both of them, and was just so happy to be included in their shenanigans. I cannot overstate how much the episode where we met him properly kicked this show into overdrive for me. I loved that he was a good dad and husband and that it was clear his wife and daughter felt safe and happy around him. I loved that this show was about kind people doing their best.

Okay, on to the currently airing stuff.

Your Sky is Faltering, but I Still Like It (8/12)

Look, I am just not keen on the Oh redemption arc. I'm also feeling the show dragging its feet at this point. I also am not sure what the relationship between the various sides are contributing to this story. That being said, I continue to enjoy the chemistry between the leads, and I am looking forward to seeing their dating era. This show has been riding the line on the bubble, and I am curious to see where it lands.

Ossan's Love Thailand (1/12)

I've grown to love Ossan's Love over the last year, and so I was cautiously optimistic about this adaptation. I don't think the humor is as tight or zippy as I would expect, and I think the branded pair component is hurting some of the initial setup. I also feel like the shower scene shifted in a way that doesn't entirely work. In addition, making Kongdetch a widower slows down his dramatic development. I'll check in again next month.

Call Me By No Name Started Weird (1/8)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

This show got off to a moody and somewhat intriguing start. I am looking forward to our little gamer's interactions with this possibly-fey creature for the coming weeks. It's difficult when the show starts coy.

When It Rains It Pours Has an Uphill Battle (1/7)

I am personally interested in the journey this show wants to go on as what will more than likely be a double cheating narrative. I like that the show started with boy guys in relationships they feel a bit frustrated with due to a lack of intimacy that is being actively ignored by their respective partners. I'm also intrigued because both partners seem like they're overall committed to our leads. This one started off in a mild note, so I'm curious how it holds audience attention. Still, both leads had sad masturbation scenes, one explicitly remembering when his partner used to fuck him, so it has my attention.

That's all for now! I'll check back in with one of these in a few weeks and we'll see where we're at.

[cherrywrecked]

college dorm — kim chaewon.

as requested by anon! this is only one of the few on my request list, so if you ever requested through ask, please wait for me. 🥹 i'm trying my best! 🫡.

warnings: college au. taglish. gxg. caught masturbating. fingering. face sitting. scissoring. horny!chaewon, giver!reader.

being in college means being away with your family, but also meeting new people. simula nung umapak ako ng kolehiyo, nahiwalay na 'ko sa mga magulang ko, pero it wasn't a big of a deal kasi they were barely physically present naman. being in dorms during college wasn't a big jump for me. it has been three years already since then and i've always opted for a solo dorm room, ayoko ng may kasama—maselan ako, eh. except for this semester. i had no choice but to share my dorm with kim chaewon. akala ko okay lang, eh. maaga ako'ng umaalis para sa morning classes ko, tapos siya, bandang hapon na. pag uwi ko, wala pa siya. i bare even see each her, pero maayos siyang dormmate. malinis, hindi maingay. kaso putangina, ano 'tong naririnig ko ngayon?

pag pasok na pag pasok ko ng dorm, ang... ingay. puro ungol. parang may umiiyak? ewan. pero si chaewon... boses yun ni chae. dahan dahan ako'ng naglakad papalapit sa kwarto ng dormmate ko. nakabukas ito, kaya sa bawat pag lapit ko, lalong lumalakas yung mga ungol. akala ko umiiyak si chaewon, pero pag lapit na pag lapit ko sa pintuan niya, nahuli ko ang dalaga na naka hubo't hubad habang nakadantay sa unan niya, humping her pillow. putangina? bakit ganito? bakit hindi ko maalis yung mga mata ko sa katawan ng dormmate ko? tila ba naging estatwa ako sa may pintuan ng kwarto niya.

ang ganda ng katawan ni chaewon. alam naman na ng lahat yon. maganda rin si chaewon mismo, kaya nga't ang daming nagkakagusto sa dalaga. and honestly, isa na 'ko sakanila. gandang ganda ako kay chaewon, lalo na ngayon. hindi ko na napansin na nakahawak na pala ako sa boobs ko, dahan dahang nilalamas ito. kusang gumagalaw yung mga kamay ko, tangina. ano ba 'to? it was as if i was bewitched by the girl in front of me. “f-fuck, ang sarap. ang sarap mo, y/n.” ano daw?

para ako'ng tanga na habangga sa pintuan ni chaewon and our eyes met. akala ko titigil siya, pero ngumisi lang ang dalaga at lalong binilisan ang pag galaw ng mga hita niya. “a-ang sarap, puta.” ungol ulit ni chaewon, this time, her gaze was locked on mine. tanginang yan, how can i stop myself if she was basically fucking herself with the thought of me? i'm no saint—i've had my fair share of experiences and i'm about to share one with her tonight.

pumasok ako sa kwarto ni chaewon, not even bothering to close her door. i didn't waste any more time and was practically stripping myself off my white uniform while approaching the girl. i kept the pants and my bra on, however. “hawakan mo 'ko, baby. i want to feel your hands on my body, please.” she says, looking up at me as i stood in front of her. ginawa ko yung gusto niya at nilagay ang mga kamay ko sa suso ni chaewon. ang tigas ng mga utong niya, lalo pa itong tumayo nung pinisil at sinimulan ko itong pag laruan. onti onti kong binaba ang sarili ko hanggang sa nakaharap na sa muka ko ang dibdib ni chaewon. “s-shit, ang init ng dila mo, baby. ang sarap.” ungol ng dalaga nung binalot ko na ang mga labi ko sa kaliwang utong niya habang pinaglalaruan ang kanan gamit ang aking daliri. i carefully settled myself on her bed, not removing myself from her.

tumigil na si chaewon sa pag kantot sa pesteng unan niya, instead, she took my hand and sat on it. “tangina, chae, basang basa ka.” sabi ko habang inaakyat ang mga halik ko papunta sa labi niya. “o-oo... kung alam mo lang kung g-gaano... kung gaano ako kalibog para sa'yo. fuck, markahan mo 'ko, baby, please.” her words were sloppy, na natawa nalang ako kasi parang yung utak ni chaewon hindi na gumagana sa sobrang libog para sakin. hinalik halikan ko ang leeg ni chaewon bago nag iwan ng chikinini sa gilid ng leeg niya habang ang daliri ko naman ay dahan dahang pumapasok sa butas niya. “putangina, ang sarap—!” napadikit ang katawan ni chaewon sa katawan ko sa pagpasok ng daliri ko sakanya, ramdam kong nanginig yung katawan ng dalaga.

not wasting time, i started to curl my fingers inside of her, moving slowly. i want to take my time on her. gusto kong marinig si chaewon na nagmamakaawa para sa'kin. didn't even notice her pull me atop of her. we were now in her bed with my hand in between her legs, while my lips are attacking her neck. ang bango ni chae, hindi ko alam kung nakailang chikinini na 'ko, but i loved the thought of her wearing her usual fit and people can see her hickeys, even in class. i wanted to make her mine.

“isang daliri pa, please?” chaewon asks with her puppy eyes. ang cute, pero putangina, nakakalibog. i smiled at her and without warning, i added another finger inside of her na dahilan ng marahang pag sikip ng puke niya sa daliri ko. “kantutin mo 'ko, baby. please... please! galawin mo yung daliri mo—'y-yan! ganiyan... gago, ang s-sarap!” hindi magkanda ugaga si chaewon nung sinumulan kong galawin yung mga daliri ko at marahan siyang kinantot gamit ito. ramdam na ramdam ko kung gaano siya kabasa, she was practically making a mess on my hand already. binilisan ko ang pag galaw ng mga daliri ko hanggang sa naramdaman kong lalong sumisikip yung puke ni chaewon, yung balakang niya, hindi na mapigilan sa pag galaw. “lalabasan na 'ko, fuck! ang sarap... baby— babe! fuck! sige pa!” chaewon screamed as she clenched her walls around my fingers. i used my thumb to rub her clit which then drove her to her orgasm.

nilabasan na si chaewon, pero hindi padin ako tumitigil sa pag kantot sakanya. dahan dahan ko pading nilalabas masok yung daliri ko sa puke niyang tumutulo na sa sobrang libog. “tangina mo, ang libog mo, chae.” i said as i kissed her lips while pulling my digits out which then earned a whine from the girl. i only chuckled as i reposition myself and laid on her bed. she took it as an invitation and got on top of me. “isa pa.” she says as the tug on my bra—she wants me naked and i helped her get rid of it. dahan dahang bumababa si chaewon at sunod niyang tinanggal eh yung pantalon at panty ko. i moaned when i felt the cold breeze hit my wet cunt. natawa si chaewon. “nakakalibog bang kantutin ako, mhm?” she says, rubbing my clit. i looked at her and hummed, a smirk plastered on my face. “hump me, chae.” yun lang ang sinabi ko at 'tong putang 'to, ang bilis kumilos.

chaewon hooked her legs on mine and pushed herself against me. malakas na ungol ang lumabas sa bibig naming parehas nung nagtama yung mga basang puke namin ni chaewon. tangina, ang sarap niya. dahan dahang gumalaw si chaewon habang ako, nakahiga lang, hawak ang mga hita niya. “b-baby, basang basa ako para sa'yo, puta. h-hng... s-sarap.”.

i think it's already normal at this point—how chaewon's brain shuts down when she's getting what she wants in bed. chaewon started moving her hips faster which i then reciprocated by moving my hips in sync with her movements. “tangina, chaewon. ang sarap mo, gago.” ungol ko habang yung isang kamay ko ay nasa suso na ng dalaga, iniikot ikot sa daliri ang utong niya. “gago, ang s-sarap! sige pa, chae... putangina, para kang pokpok gumalaw.” that made chaewon whine a bit louder. gusto niya bang tinatawag siyang pokpok?

“h-hindi! hindi ako p-pokpok... ikaw lang gusto ko, baby—fuck! sige pa, baby. faster!” she couldn't even continue what she was saying when i've already taken over and pulled her in. hawak ko yung maliit na balakang ni chaewon when i started to move faster and harder against her. it didn't even take long for her to start shaking against me. “lalabasan na 'ko... baby, sabay tayo. shit, basang basa ako para sa'yo.” ungol ko habang inaakap si chaewon at bago siya halikan, i felt my movements grow sloppy and soon enough, sabay nga kaming nilabasan ni chaewon. her body was shaking from the orgasm, buti nalang akap akap ko ang maliit niyang katawan.

“ang sarap, gago.” i breathed against her neck, kissing on the red patches i left a while ago. chaewon was breathing heavily but managed to hum as a response. “but i'm not done with you, kim. sit on my face.” i saw the corner of chaewon's lips curl into a smirk bago niya ko tinulak pahiga sa kama niya. onti onti niyang pinuwesto yung sarili niya sa muka ko. tangina, sobrang ganda ng puke ni chaewon. namumula at basang basa para sa'kin. “bilis, i want to taste you.” and chaewon finally lowered herself on my face. sinalubong ko yung puke niya ng dila ko na nakalabas, malambot, at dahan dahan kong pinaikot ikot ito sa clit ng dalaga. “fuck, baby... ang init ng dila mo, ang sarap.” ungol ni chaewon habang nakahawak sa suso niya.

i wrapped my lips around her clit and started sucking on it. chaewon loves it when i play with her clit. she started moving her hips on my face. “labas mo dila mo, baby.” she softly asked for me which i then complied to. i stuck my tongue out for her, aiming it on her dripping hole. “p-puta... putangina... shit.” chaewon threw her head back as she slowly lifted herself from my tongue and back. kinakantot ni chaewon ang sarili niya gamit ang dila ko. it was so fucking hot na kahit ako, i started to touch myself with my free hand, while the other rubbed her clit.

“tangina, ang sarap! sobrang sarap! fuck, baby. puta mo 'ko... sa'yo lang, tangina. ikaw lang makaka kantot sa'kin ng ganito.” ang ingay ni chaewon and i loved it. it drove me to my edge and i was cumming around my fingers, my moans sending vibrations on chaewon's cunt. “lalabasan na 'ko—babe... baby!” and soon enough, she was clenching her walls around my tongue. ang init at ang kalat, pero putangina, nakakaulol si chaewon.

if i knew this could happen between the both of us, maybe matagal ko nang iniwang nakabukas yung pintuan ko habang kinakantot ko yung sarili ko habang iniisip siya.

[motziedapul]

IF YOU WANNA LISTEN TO A HORROR PODCAST

✨That's "actually scary" ✨With a Filipina immigrant lead ✨Set in Toronto ✨With supernatural horrors and immortal rich occultists from the 1900s ✨ With an analog sound (phone calls+tape recordings) ✨ BIPOC leads

FOLLOW @hinaypod

[themandylion]

(prompt is probably gonna reveal who I am quickly) Filipino!Tim making loads of lumpia, and feeding them to Jason

Gee, I wonder who it could be ;) Disclaimer: I do not actually know how lumpia are made, but Wikipedia says they're made with a crepe-like wrapper and that's weirdly close to the one dish from my own culture I know how to make, SO!

—

The batter can be tricky when he hasn't made it for a while, but it's not like Tim can buy wrappers at the store and have them taste right. These won't be perfect, but it's better than using spring roll wrappers.

"You're making crepes?" Jason leans in and Tim resists the urge to tweak him with his chopsticks.

"Lumpia," Tim corrects, quickly turning the wrapper over.

"They smell like crepes—"

"They're not." He spoons in filling and folds it up before transferring it to the waiting plate. "If you behave, I may even let you have some once they're ready."

[kavalyera]

mfing urge to make giovanni ocs w my irls😩

[sadagios]

opened twitter and found out theres a lot of filipinos in the traffic community. all this time. does this mean i can write a taglish scarian fic

[wheatfieldspoet]

as isaac, on the walk home

please, won’t you look at me, father? i can’t erase the memory                             of the surrender in your eyes if i keep staring at your back.

you held my hand as we climbed the mountain. i felt your pulse through my palm,               your grip tight against the sweat. God has called us, you said with urgency, yet       you took       your time       as we ascended.

i can’t remember what i feared more:                      the blade,                      the flame,                      or the aftermath.

who would have made the bigger sacrifice if there was no ram in the thicket— you? me?

or mother?

is there no test of faith more agonizing than to forgive?

but even in my final breath, i would have. i love you even though i may never understand it, if only you would tell me. i don’t ask for much—

father!       please.                             soothe my shivering. i’m afraid                      the next time                      i see a knife                                    i might think                                                                it’s                                                                              love.

— Jade A.

escapril day 3: eye contact

@adventurerswritingguild day 3: hand / god / knife

[matchadobo]

KIDD; simbang gabi (cancelled cookbook event)

wc: 1873 summary: the incorporation of the dish bibingka and putobumbong which brings people together during simbang gabi warning/s: this is so very fluff huhuhu very wholesome, fem reader, filipino!reader x exchange student!kidd, getting together fic note: there's a song that's very fitting for the simbang gabi theme of this story, it's better if you guys take a listen on spotify while reading hehehe, it'll just make the reading experience better <3

simbang gabi is a tradition in the philippines where nine consecutive masses before christmas is attended in preparation of the holiday itself. there's also a superstitious belief that once you complete the series of masses, you can have one wish that could possibly come true.

"but... kidd." you impishly chuckled, baffled that he would ever ask it. "you don't believe in god, right?"

"don't worry about it."

so why does eustass kidd want to go with you?

you met kidd at the first year of your college and you've been friends ever since. he was an exchange student from scotland. you guys are now at the fourth year, one last semester left and he'll plan to go back to his country. atleast that's what he initially planned.

kidd ain't no catholic. if anything, he's an atheist. he never really considered the complex that is religion. not until killer mentioned something that interested him.

"the fuck did you say?"

"nine masses and a wish comes true. must be why name's always occupied around this time of year." killer read out from his phone, an article he just passed by.

kidd was left wondering what it could be that your wishing for. cuz he's got one wish himself he desperately wants to come true. as delusional as it may be, he might wanna give this one a shot. as opposed to his usual apathy towards this stuff.

so for the first time in a while, he was patient. he was patient when he waited for you out your door as you get dressed up for the mass. he was patient as he sat through the mass with all the scrutiny of its ceremonies. he was patient hearing the earful about this jesus you guys love so much.

in the philippines—when 'our father' is sung, people in intimate connections, such as family or couples, hold hands with their hands raised chest level. but with the state of your relationship, your hands were just precarious against each other. your thumb brushing by his pinky from time to time. there was one time when couples where sitting a pew before you and it was pretty fucking awkward having to not do the same as them.

because kidd isn't exactly your boyfriend, nor was he a 'manliligaw' or a suitor in philippine tradition. he never made it explicit that he was into you, because he was, so fucking embrassingly at that. why else would he put up with this?

"are you sure you're okay with this? we have like, 4 more masses to go." you mumbled to him while walking back to your house, feeling anxious if he maybe regretted all this. he always leaves his motorbike at your house because he wanted to walk home with you, even if he could very well just go straight to the church with it.

"i've gone to 5 already, no point backin' down. think i can't handle it?"

you chuckled, of course he treats it like a challenge. but you're glad, somehow he appreciates it in his own bizarre way.

"what's that? why's there a damn line?" kidd looked over the other side of the street across the church, a small line of people beside a small shack at the sidewalk.

small bands of smoke emanating from the brightly lit shack decorated with festive christmas lights. your eyes lit up and kidd felt his heart beat a little faster this time. which didn't help because you instinctively held his wrist and dragged him across the street to go at back of the line.

"i haven't had these in a while, can we go have a little detour before we go home?" you looked up at him with excited eyes and a bright smile brighter than the alternating hues of the christmas lights in his periphery. he furrowed his brows and pretend to look over the shack to see what's going on.

"just make it quick." he grumbled. but he secretly wanted more time with you so it's in favor with him. besides, it smells nice and he was curious to try it. what are you even so excited about?

what you had in your hand was a dish that will soon be reminded of kidd of your smile before the brightly lit church during this particular time in the evening. it was plated in banana leaf, four pieces of sticky, violet rice cakes shaped in thin cylinders stuck close to each other. the other dish cooked from an earthen oven, encased in a similar manner as the other and attributed a fluffy, yellow appearance.

it smelled nice and different. you invited kidd to sit by the low stone fences by the sidewalk to eat for a while.

"it's called bibingka." you pointed to the yellow dish on your lap, "and putobumbong." then to the purple dish on your lap. "it always sells out during simbang gabi, give it a shot."

kidd was a bit relcutant as he watched you pour a brown sugar packet over putobumbong, which you later told him was a muscovado. it made the dish sweeter because it's pretty bland without it.

you wrapped the banana leaf on the lower half of the putobumbong, leaving room for kidd to bite onto. you offered it to him for him to eat it himself but he instead put his hand over your grip, pulling the food closer with your hands touching as he gave it a taste. your heart hitched a little.

you anticipated his reaction, looking for any signs of distaste.

"do you like it? is it too bland? it's okay if you don-"

"i do." kidd snatched the food off your grip, realizing he just touched hands with you. "get your own if you wanna." he continued munching without sparing you a glance.

you just watched him with a silent chuckle, "leave room for bibingka, you still hadn't tasted it. i personally like this more, by the way."

"cuz of the cheese ontop, aye?" kidd asked, recognizing the burnt melted cheese sitting ontop of the fluffy pastry. "i get the feeling i'd like this purple shit more."

you chuckled, it'd always be the opposite with kidd. you'll like what he doesn't and he'll like what you don't. he's a sponty and you're a planner. you're reserved and he's flamboyant.

he ended up liking both and couldn't decide. he went to buy for more and you just waited by the fence. you watched him eat and stuff himself with it, saying it's his dinner.

"you know, i appreciate you going out of your way to do these masses. you don't have to but you still did." you grew a bit shy, fumbling on the hem of your sweater sleeves. the mellow jose mari chan songs playing from the nearby stall of cheistmass foods.

"the fuck you on about?" he spoke through a full mouth, a scowl on his face. "we still got 4 more days, too early to thank me."

he walked you home, like every other night he does. kidd's the type to walk on the outer part of the sidewalk, mainly because he says he's getting squeezed against the inner edge when he walks on the opposite side. but he really just wanna be a liiiittle protective of you.

"what did you wish for?" you muttered as you two waited for the oncoming car to pass by before crossing the street.

"think that's between the big guy up there and me, what's you gotta do with it?" a grin tugged at his lips, discerning eyes that made you blush.

"pft, since when did you talk to Him?"

kidd waited to get home to answer you. your family decided to invite him and killer for christmas, because their famileis are all the way back in scotland to celebrate with them. plus, they're all quite fond of kidd, calling him your 'manliligaw' and the like.

"you wanna know what i wished for?" you two sat down by your porch, waiting for midnight to celebrate and eat. kidd popped open a bottle of tanduay ice and handed one to you and another soon to himself.

"thought it's gonna be a secret." you chugged on the bottle, the crawling icy feeling branching down your chest. "come on, what is it?"

"i like you, name."

your grip on the bottle tightened and you almost choked on the liquor, wondering if you already got drunk with one sip. you looked at him in disbelief, waiting for some sort of explanation after the bomb he just dropped.

"what? didn't you hear me? do i have to translate it to filipino?" he chuckled a little, sipping on his beer at his nervousness.

"n-no, you idiot. w-what?!" your voice toning up a notch at the last bit.

"i wished to hold your hand starting this christmas, be with you from now on. as much of a stupid fantasy as it sounds, i'm staring to doubt going back to scotland cuz i wanna be with your sweet ass. i've had the best 4 years of my life, and it's all with you. embarrassingly." he snorted a little, hiccuping already with how much he's downing one bottle.

"'s why i tried giving this damn thing a shot, cuz maybe it'd come true." he continued, "i'll go back home to work at my papa's, he's got a mechanic shop there. he plans to hand it all to me so why not start early. i just wanna get all this out of my chest before graduation."

you were stunned, at a loss for words from his unexpected confession. you half expected it out of him but as it finally happened before you, it was almost a dream. yet you somehow couldn't say anything else, you felt like your tongue got cut.

"yeah sorry for makin' it damn awkward, i'll maybe jus-"

"hey, look up." you blurted out. he spared you a look as you finally said something and looked up afterward. "you did one of my traditions so why don't we do one of yours?"

hanging by the apex of the central entryway of your porch was a mistletoe, you chuckled thinking killer put it there himself. of course he would. kidd thought the same and fought off the grin spreading on his lips.

"go on, i'm waiting." you smiled at him, turning a little to the side to face him. you shut your eyes, waiting for him to get on with it.

but kidd wouldn't let you feel so slick after being the flustered one. kidd was quick to grab the back of your head to pull it close to his, stopping mid way where you can feel his breath so close yet the absence of his lips left you panting.

"god works fast, doesn't he?" he said one last time, licking his lips before finally crashing his lips to you. you can taste the residual muscovado on the corner of his lips.

kidd smiled through the kiss, feeling your lips quiver a little at how good he's handling you. he already had a hand behind the small of your back, pressing you closer to his frame.

"i like you too, if it's still isn't obvious."

"guess wishes do come true, brat."

OMG

i've currently started a fic on the 6th for kidd's birthday but since it's multichaptered, i still haven't finished it! i hope to finish it before i go back to college in the 20th </3 it's a fully fleshed out fic for about 10 chapters which i'm finishing before i upload all of it because i know damn well i ain't finishing that shit if i upload one by one TT

ANYWAYS i joined this cookbook event and oughta implement a filo dish and the tradition during simbang gabi but the event holder deactivated :c so i assume the event is cancelled. but i have already created this way before christmas hehehe i was just thinking if i should still post this but since it's my baby's birthday today i'd better release it <3

my fellow filo moots! pls don't hesitate to interact c: siraulo den aq teh magbonding tayo <3

also my event is still ongoing mkaaayyy, i'll also upload one request fitting for my captain's birthday hihihi here's the event masterpost link

[tritemagicalsatire]

Always in the writing scene when the author themselves are drunk from the euphoria of having their words imprinted on a paper or screen. But the need of having their draft scanned over and over again for the final product is the real struggle here. The struggle to put one's words into something comprehensible, even to themselves FIRST, as its first audience of an intellectual freakshow—

Ah... The rules of the grammarian culture without sacrificing the childlike playing of random alphabet blabbering. And one's personal standard of literary utopia is waving, all after the random soliloquies whispering in one's mind as if they are asleep while writing/typing the words needed for the wordscapes recipe of an individual aspiration for having their illusions to be something material, and yet, ethereal.

The somnolent escape in the paper kingdom of mindless thoughts in order to have a mindful release to the letter collective! 😅🤣

—M.

[inkcurlsandknives]

Every writer I know has had that one English teacher who encouraged thier talent and helped them find thier voice. The one they dedicate a book to or send them a signed copy years later. Meanwhile, I had Mr. Fish-Breath (name redacted, new name given because he would not stay out of female student's personal space and had the WORST fish-breath) my high school English teacher who was determined to "Shake things up" and be hip and cool by forcing us to present ted-talks and operate blogs about classic literature. He also believed in never giving A student's A's. Which as a student gunning for academic scholarships with an asian mom was a capital offence anyway. During one of his funky, fresh writing assignments that I had BUSTED MY ASS ON I went to his class after hours to try to talk my B+ into an A- because I was not bringing that shit home and TO MY FACE! He Lowered the grade and told me "Your over-effusive use of language tricked me into giving you a higher grade than you deserved." Out of PURE UNADULTERATED SPITE since that moment I have remined a deeply effusive writer, and now my lush and lyrical novel Saints of Storm and Sorrow is out in the world. So Mr. Fish-Breath can eat crow.

If there's any advice I'm willing to give out about publishing and making it as a writer, its that doing it for spite will get you just as far or farther than dreams in my experience.

[tagamantra]

After being murdered, Raxri Uttara awoke in a healing pool at the end of the world.

In the depths of their Second Death, Raxri heard the Holy Madman speak: Walk. Uncover the truth of your death. Reattain your Enlightenment. There is no one to save you but you. Master yourself. Let the world sing through you. You are not alone. You are the world and the world is you.

A WORLD SHORN OF LIGHT. A SWORD DANCER TORN FROM THE HEAVENS. 

GOD OBLITERATING VAJRA is a new weird progression xianxia webnovel set in the sword & gun Maritime Buddhist inspired Utter Islands. Follow RAXRI who wakes up at the end of the world without their memory. Join them as the world is revealed to them, make bonds, and cultivate their love once again against a world that has ended after a failed Revolution.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Slow Burn in an Immersive Fantastical Antirealist Universe.Esoteric Buddhist Disco Elysium Xianxia. Sword and Gun Xianxia setting. Multiple POVs with a few Major POVs. Nonbinary Sword Wizards, Goth Devilwitch Gunners, Giant Dragon Blademaster. Ruthless, Brutal Martial Arts. Death is common. The world is dark and the end has come. Fucked up romance. Cultivation Systems inspired by IRL Eastern Esoterica. Ghosts and Demons. Horror. Warfare. Bigotry. Class Struggle. Optional Sexual Content. Strong Language. Revolution.

ABOUT HINGSAJAGRA

Hingsajagra is the Fantastic Realist world of God Obliterating Vajra. Inspired by Esoteric Buddhism and Revolutionary Asia. Giant cats turned into apartment complexes, ghost horse steeds that tire not, walking giant mechanical armors turned into public transportation, charnel wizards summoning the long-dead, witches wielding the Pureflame of Creation, the Machine God beginning its slick advance into forever progress... the Age of Furor is upon us. The Latter Day of the Law. The Termagant Buddha watches closely.

logo by me, art by @gnarlyghost!

[bengiyo]

The Knowing: Being Queer in BL

I’ve been talking about The Knowing a lot lately with @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @ginnymoonbeam and @shortpplfedup and so I felt it was time to gather all those thoughts into one place.

I define The Knowing as “growing up and suffering with the knowledge that you are queer (specifically that you are not like other kids) and understanding that you must keep that knowledge to yourself.”

Part of what initially drew me to BL was how often many of these shows took place in what @absolutebl calls “The Bubble” where cultural and structural homophobia is less prevalent or nonexistent. Many of these stories are about guys learning something about themselves for the first time when it comes to being attracted to other men. However, I always find myself drawn to the characters that clearly Knew who they were a long time ago. What’s interesting about these characters is that many of them carry an intense sadness and loneliness that plagues them and their relationships.

I am in my mid-30s. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of language over the decades. When I first realized I was different from other kids I was eight years old. I was a lot like Chiron in Moonlight (2016) asking the question, “What’s a faggot?” I wish I’d had someone like Juan around to say, “A faggot is a word used to make gay people feel bad.” To which Chiron asked, “Am I a faggot?” and Juan quickly corrected. “Nah. You can be gay, but you ain’t gotta let nobody call you no faggot.” I know it’s hard for some of you to read slurs written out so plainly, but I grew up with them being part of the day-to-day language used by kids around me. If you instinctively recoiled at me typing the word four times, imagine experiencing that constantly for your entire adolescence while also fearing the consequences of being discovered by your peers. That’s what I survived. That’s what some of these boys survived.

Before I learned other words, I thought I was weird or broken. I knew I was drawn to boys before I even hit puberty, but I didn’t have language for existing on the ace-spectrum until I joined Tumblr in the early 2010s. Before that I just thought there was something wrong with me. When we see a character in BL who has clearly been gay for a long time, I find myself examining the environment around them to see if they suffered The Knowing.

The worst part of The Knowing is for the boys who can pass as straight if they try hard enough. I always talk about how I think femmes are stronger than those of us (like me) who can pass. They face the public scrutiny of being queer and the danger of that constantly. People like me often go unnoticed unless we’re amongst our peers or explicitly tell people who we are.

I’m writing this post as a love letter to the boys who suffered the Knowing. Sometimes these characters get a bad reputation in fandom for being boring or sad sacks, but they are the characters I love the most. I’d like to talk about some of my favorite boys who Knew. Unsurprisingly, the exact kind of melancholy Japan is willing to play with means they have strong presence on this list.

Korn (Until We Meet Again)

Korn is the character who began my discussion about this in a conversation with @wen-kexing-apologist about Kao’s acting. I pointed out that the saddest thing about Korn in Until We Meet Again is that he knew what he was going to do the entire time. The tragedy of UWMA is that Korn loved Intouch and let him in, and unfortunately learned that Intouch’s love couldn’t fix the horrors that plagued him. You can see it in Kao’s eyes for the entire show whenever we see the In and Korn flashbacks. He suffers under the weight of masculine expectation and crumbles.

The Entire Cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday?

WDYEY is all about characters who Knew. Kenji and Wataru may have been unable to pass and have chosen to accept who they are, but we know Wataru suffered for it because of his feelings about family. Shiro hid who he was for a very long time, and still hides it from most people. His trauma from The Knowing regularly threatens his relationship with Kenji. Kohinata also clearly knew who he was the entire time, and works diligently for the life he’s built for himself. So much of this show is about being gay in a world that does not value us.

Book, Christina, and Yok (Make It Right)

Book is actively victimized because of The Knowing. He left his previous school and doesn’t live with his family because he was outed by a past boyfriend, and is disowned after revenge porn of him is posted.

Both Chrstina and Yok are femme and cannot pass. Unlike many of the boys in this show figuring out who they are, they are trying to survive without losing themselves.

Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

Li Ming has a gay uncle and still suffers The Knowing. He is hiding his attraction from everyone until he develops feelings for Heart.

Itou Akira (Life: Love on the Line)

We experienced the entire arc of this man’s life and how much The Knowing crushed him. This is probably the most The Knowing character on the list.

Oumi Mitsuru (Eternal Yesterday)

Oumi has such a frank expression of The Knowing and how much it hurts that he likes Koichi but feels like he can’t express it.

Takahashi Satoru (Koisenu Futari)

The man literally blogs about The Knowing, and it’s how Sakuko began to understand herself. He has a questionnaire prepared to help you figure out how long you’ve Known.

Ren (Tokyo in April Is…)

I wrote multiple posts about Ren and his experience with The Knowing. So much of what goes wrong for them is because Ren couldn’t believe that Kazuma could like him, too, and he knowingly faced the consequences of being discovered to save Kazuma’s life.

Pete (Love by Chance)

Pete knows who he is and can’t change it. Trump uses this against him. Pete doesn’t want Ae to be gay like him and suffer with the realities of being a Known Gay. Pete has one of the first coming out scenes in BL that I really enjoyed.

Cairo (Gameboys)

Cairo was clearly struggling with Knowing, and his close friend took his coming out from him. Cairo is a brat, but goddamn do I appreciate some of his angst.

See-eiw (My Only 12%)

He watched The Love of Siam (2007) and had a complete emotional breakdown as he was finally able to name his feelings for Cake. Top-tier expression of The Knowing.

Shin (3 Will Be Free)

I mean, we don’t have to look much further than his entire sad existence and being pushed into sex with a prostitute in the first episode. Also there’s, “It wasn’t that you didn’t like boys. You just didn’t like me.” Shin is the only boy in BL-adjacent media to suffer a specific version of The Knowing: being rejected and discarded by your own people in a homophobic way so they could stay closeted.

Phupha (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Phupha’s entire romantic angst is built around The Knowing and what others seeing him for who he is will do for him.

Pran (Bad Buddy)

Though Bad Buddy exists in The Bubble, Pran has one of the most painful versions of The Knowing I’ve ever experienced because his is wrapped up in family angst and an unrequited crush.

Lee Wan (Our Dating Sim)

Lee Wan suffered The Knowing and broke things with his best friend after confessing. The Knowing destroyed his ability to see a version of his life where he and Shin Kitae overcame the upcoming challenges together and so he takes that choice from Kitae. Crushing.

Ueda Minoru (Our Dining Table)

Minoru is so familiar with The Knowing that he preemptively breaks up with Yutaka after kissing him.

Kiyoi (My Beautiful Man)

The reveal that Kiyoi already knew who he was and noticed Hira the entire time? Beautiful. One of the best reveals in J-BL history.

Minato (Minato’s Laundromat)

This man is one of the sadder examples of The Knowing because he’s in a place where he understands who he is now, but the internalized homophobia cripples almost all of his romantic and closer relationships.

Han Baram (Sing My Crush)

This boy is suffering so much from The Knowing that his love confession song is literally titled “Letter of Apology.”

Oh-aew (I Told Sunset About You)

He Knew. “Are you proud of me?”

Noh Shinwoo and Shin Daon (Light On Me)

Noh Shinwoo clearly suffered The Knowing and was discovered. His bullies still plague him on the streets when they see him. Shin Daon was not surprised by his attraction to Woo Taekyung; he struggled with his parents expectations.

Nagisa (His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love)

Nagisa definitely Knew who he was and was probably going to stay quiet about it until Shun showed up in his life. What upsets me so much about Nagisa is that he is the one who leaves Shun later in the movie after pulling queerness out of Shun.

The Secret Crush on You Quartet

All four of them get a spot on this list for The Knowing. Toh, Kaojao, and Daisy clearly suffered The Knowing, and Som has clearly taken care of them for a long time.

Rocky and Judah (Quaranthings)

I love that these two explore The Knowing from a class perspective. Judah is wealthier and eventually comes out, but Rocky is poor and struggles with it a lot longer.

Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook (Where Your Eyes Linger)

The Knowing, bodyguard edition. The yearning between the two of these is palpable. It hurts that they can’t even talk to each other about it.

Mafuyu (Given)

He Knew and lost his boyfriend to The Knowing.

Kim Dong Hee (Unintentional Love Story)

He won’t acknowledge Go Ho Tae’s feelings because he feels a sense of loyalty to Ho Tae’s mom for taking care of him after his parents disowned him over the gay thing. Huge case of The Knowing.

Edit: New Additions October 7, 2023.

Nekoyashiki Mamoru (Kabe-Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized)

He describes a textbook case of the Knowing and finding community at the convention.

Zo (Hidden Agenda)

He definitely Knew, and got messed over by his friends badly for it.

Yuuki (Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend)

We almost lost Yuuki to the Knowing.

All of the Eclipse Gays

Literally all of them. The entire show is about how fascism turns queer people into agents working against their own community.

Joe (The Warp Effect)

He clearly Knew before his encounter with Army, and he also suffered for being outed.