#writing filipinos

[seilucard]

stuff i wish people did when making a filipino character (part 1?)

disclaimer: i am by no means an expert, but i am a born and raised filipino so! take that as you will

actually make the filipino be born and raised in the philippines. there are very few filipinos that show just how beautiful (and, admittedly, toxic) the culture of the philippines can be in modern media, if AT ALL.

like lets talk about the toxicity of filipino culture -cause there is SO much to be said about how problematic the hierarchical family structure is of most filipino families. children are rarely given any agency, are spoiled in the early beginnings of their lives and then suddenly once theyre adults theyre expected to just know how to adult despite being sheltered their entire lives.

okay and lets not even get STARTED with religious trauma. there are actually quite a lot of filipino youth who are very very detached from the main religion here (catholicism) because of it. i cant speak for the muslim population of the philippines as they tend to live far from where i live, but what i do know is that a ton of us filipino youth have been traumatized from their experiences in catholic schools. like,,, the horror stories you will hear from this place are just sad.

but on the brighter side, lets talk about the casual gender neutrality of filipino culture. we have no gendered pronouns. at its best? the philippines is very liberal with how AMABs and AFABs can present - it's, of course, still shunned upon to dress like the opposite sex, but among the younger generations, its SO common to see AMABs wearing makeup and skirts and heels and AFABs having short, masculine looking haircuts. oh, and the philippine drag scene is absolutely amazing!! if you want an easy gateway into queer Filipino media, ph drag race shows are the way to go

[musings-n-museums]

i don't know which one feels more like home. (the uncertainty or the chaos)

fireworks by jaedha godwin, pinterest // split by niki // post by @haykhighland (infinite thanks for letting me use your post // special by sza // images from pinterest // post-glacial by tori mccandless // "saga (i won't forget you when i'm gone)", andrei voznesensk - translated by @metamorphesque // split by niki // image from pinterest

[inkcurlsandknives]

Hi Tumblr I'm an Asian fantasy author fleeing the sudden death of all my other social media sites 👋 I've used Tumblr for years as a fandom lurker and rarely posted but in light of all my other communities imploding I guess I'll have to figure out how to be actually active on Tumblr and find bookish and writerly folks here 💜 say hi if that's you 🥺

If you love diverse filipino fantasy with bipoc leads, angry bi women clawing for space in a world that's always rejected them and soft boys who'd do anything for them, awesome elemental magic based on early Filipino shaman/ babaylan/katalonan mythologies and the Tagalog creation story, and the Bakunawa/Laho the 🇵🇭 sea dragon 🐉 and drowning colonizers then I hope you'll keep an eye out for SAINTS OF STORM AND SORROW coming in June 2024 from Titan Books

[cherrywrecked]

college dorm — kim chaewon.

as requested by anon! this is only one of the few on my request list, so if you ever requested through ask, please wait for me. 🥹 i'm trying my best! 🫡.

warnings: college au. taglish. gxg. caught masturbating. fingering. face sitting. scissoring. horny!chaewon, giver!reader.

being in college means being away with your family, but also meeting new people. simula nung umapak ako ng kolehiyo, nahiwalay na 'ko sa mga magulang ko, pero it wasn't a big of a deal kasi they were barely physically present naman. being in dorms during college wasn't a big jump for me. it has been three years already since then and i've always opted for a solo dorm room, ayoko ng may kasama—maselan ako, eh. except for this semester. i had no choice but to share my dorm with kim chaewon. akala ko okay lang, eh. maaga ako'ng umaalis para sa morning classes ko, tapos siya, bandang hapon na. pag uwi ko, wala pa siya. i bare even see each her, pero maayos siyang dormmate. malinis, hindi maingay. kaso putangina, ano 'tong naririnig ko ngayon?

pag pasok na pag pasok ko ng dorm, ang... ingay. puro ungol. parang may umiiyak? ewan. pero si chaewon... boses yun ni chae. dahan dahan ako'ng naglakad papalapit sa kwarto ng dormmate ko. nakabukas ito, kaya sa bawat pag lapit ko, lalong lumalakas yung mga ungol. akala ko umiiyak si chaewon, pero pag lapit na pag lapit ko sa pintuan niya, nahuli ko ang dalaga na naka hubo't hubad habang nakadantay sa unan niya, humping her pillow. putangina? bakit ganito? bakit hindi ko maalis yung mga mata ko sa katawan ng dormmate ko? tila ba naging estatwa ako sa may pintuan ng kwarto niya.

ang ganda ng katawan ni chaewon. alam naman na ng lahat yon. maganda rin si chaewon mismo, kaya nga't ang daming nagkakagusto sa dalaga. and honestly, isa na 'ko sakanila. gandang ganda ako kay chaewon, lalo na ngayon. hindi ko na napansin na nakahawak na pala ako sa boobs ko, dahan dahang nilalamas ito. kusang gumagalaw yung mga kamay ko, tangina. ano ba 'to? it was as if i was bewitched by the girl in front of me. “f-fuck, ang sarap. ang sarap mo, y/n.” ano daw?

para ako'ng tanga na habangga sa pintuan ni chaewon and our eyes met. akala ko titigil siya, pero ngumisi lang ang dalaga at lalong binilisan ang pag galaw ng mga hita niya. “a-ang sarap, puta.” ungol ulit ni chaewon, this time, her gaze was locked on mine. tanginang yan, how can i stop myself if she was basically fucking herself with the thought of me? i'm no saint—i've had my fair share of experiences and i'm about to share one with her tonight.

pumasok ako sa kwarto ni chaewon, not even bothering to close her door. i didn't waste any more time and was practically stripping myself off my white uniform while approaching the girl. i kept the pants and my bra on, however. “hawakan mo 'ko, baby. i want to feel your hands on my body, please.” she says, looking up at me as i stood in front of her. ginawa ko yung gusto niya at nilagay ang mga kamay ko sa suso ni chaewon. ang tigas ng mga utong niya, lalo pa itong tumayo nung pinisil at sinimulan ko itong pag laruan. onti onti kong binaba ang sarili ko hanggang sa nakaharap na sa muka ko ang dibdib ni chaewon. “s-shit, ang init ng dila mo, baby. ang sarap.” ungol ng dalaga nung binalot ko na ang mga labi ko sa kaliwang utong niya habang pinaglalaruan ang kanan gamit ang aking daliri. i carefully settled myself on her bed, not removing myself from her.

tumigil na si chaewon sa pag kantot sa pesteng unan niya, instead, she took my hand and sat on it. “tangina, chae, basang basa ka.” sabi ko habang inaakyat ang mga halik ko papunta sa labi niya. “o-oo... kung alam mo lang kung g-gaano... kung gaano ako kalibog para sa'yo. fuck, markahan mo 'ko, baby, please.” her words were sloppy, na natawa nalang ako kasi parang yung utak ni chaewon hindi na gumagana sa sobrang libog para sakin. hinalik halikan ko ang leeg ni chaewon bago nag iwan ng chikinini sa gilid ng leeg niya habang ang daliri ko naman ay dahan dahang pumapasok sa butas niya. “putangina, ang sarap—!” napadikit ang katawan ni chaewon sa katawan ko sa pagpasok ng daliri ko sakanya, ramdam kong nanginig yung katawan ng dalaga.

not wasting time, i started to curl my fingers inside of her, moving slowly. i want to take my time on her. gusto kong marinig si chaewon na nagmamakaawa para sa'kin. didn't even notice her pull me atop of her. we were now in her bed with my hand in between her legs, while my lips are attacking her neck. ang bango ni chae, hindi ko alam kung nakailang chikinini na 'ko, but i loved the thought of her wearing her usual fit and people can see her hickeys, even in class. i wanted to make her mine.

“isang daliri pa, please?” chaewon asks with her puppy eyes. ang cute, pero putangina, nakakalibog. i smiled at her and without warning, i added another finger inside of her na dahilan ng marahang pag sikip ng puke niya sa daliri ko. “kantutin mo 'ko, baby. please... please! galawin mo yung daliri mo—'y-yan! ganiyan... gago, ang s-sarap!” hindi magkanda ugaga si chaewon nung sinumulan kong galawin yung mga daliri ko at marahan siyang kinantot gamit ito. ramdam na ramdam ko kung gaano siya kabasa, she was practically making a mess on my hand already. binilisan ko ang pag galaw ng mga daliri ko hanggang sa naramdaman kong lalong sumisikip yung puke ni chaewon, yung balakang niya, hindi na mapigilan sa pag galaw. “lalabasan na 'ko, fuck! ang sarap... baby— babe! fuck! sige pa!” chaewon screamed as she clenched her walls around my fingers. i used my thumb to rub her clit which then drove her to her orgasm.

nilabasan na si chaewon, pero hindi padin ako tumitigil sa pag kantot sakanya. dahan dahan ko pading nilalabas masok yung daliri ko sa puke niyang tumutulo na sa sobrang libog. “tangina mo, ang libog mo, chae.” i said as i kissed her lips while pulling my digits out which then earned a whine from the girl. i only chuckled as i reposition myself and laid on her bed. she took it as an invitation and got on top of me. “isa pa.” she says as the tug on my bra—she wants me naked and i helped her get rid of it. dahan dahang bumababa si chaewon at sunod niyang tinanggal eh yung pantalon at panty ko. i moaned when i felt the cold breeze hit my wet cunt. natawa si chaewon. “nakakalibog bang kantutin ako, mhm?” she says, rubbing my clit. i looked at her and hummed, a smirk plastered on my face. “hump me, chae.” yun lang ang sinabi ko at 'tong putang 'to, ang bilis kumilos.

chaewon hooked her legs on mine and pushed herself against me. malakas na ungol ang lumabas sa bibig naming parehas nung nagtama yung mga basang puke namin ni chaewon. tangina, ang sarap niya. dahan dahang gumalaw si chaewon habang ako, nakahiga lang, hawak ang mga hita niya. “b-baby, basang basa ako para sa'yo, puta. h-hng... s-sarap.”.

i think it's already normal at this point—how chaewon's brain shuts down when she's getting what she wants in bed. chaewon started moving her hips faster which i then reciprocated by moving my hips in sync with her movements. “tangina, chaewon. ang sarap mo, gago.” ungol ko habang yung isang kamay ko ay nasa suso na ng dalaga, iniikot ikot sa daliri ang utong niya. “gago, ang s-sarap! sige pa, chae... putangina, para kang pokpok gumalaw.” that made chaewon whine a bit louder. gusto niya bang tinatawag siyang pokpok?

“h-hindi! hindi ako p-pokpok... ikaw lang gusto ko, baby—fuck! sige pa, baby. faster!” she couldn't even continue what she was saying when i've already taken over and pulled her in. hawak ko yung maliit na balakang ni chaewon when i started to move faster and harder against her. it didn't even take long for her to start shaking against me. “lalabasan na 'ko... baby, sabay tayo. shit, basang basa ako para sa'yo.” ungol ko habang inaakap si chaewon at bago siya halikan, i felt my movements grow sloppy and soon enough, sabay nga kaming nilabasan ni chaewon. her body was shaking from the orgasm, buti nalang akap akap ko ang maliit niyang katawan.

“ang sarap, gago.” i breathed against her neck, kissing on the red patches i left a while ago. chaewon was breathing heavily but managed to hum as a response. “but i'm not done with you, kim. sit on my face.” i saw the corner of chaewon's lips curl into a smirk bago niya ko tinulak pahiga sa kama niya. onti onti niyang pinuwesto yung sarili niya sa muka ko. tangina, sobrang ganda ng puke ni chaewon. namumula at basang basa para sa'kin. “bilis, i want to taste you.” and chaewon finally lowered herself on my face. sinalubong ko yung puke niya ng dila ko na nakalabas, malambot, at dahan dahan kong pinaikot ikot ito sa clit ng dalaga. “fuck, baby... ang init ng dila mo, ang sarap.” ungol ni chaewon habang nakahawak sa suso niya.

i wrapped my lips around her clit and started sucking on it. chaewon loves it when i play with her clit. she started moving her hips on my face. “labas mo dila mo, baby.” she softly asked for me which i then complied to. i stuck my tongue out for her, aiming it on her dripping hole. “p-puta... putangina... shit.” chaewon threw her head back as she slowly lifted herself from my tongue and back. kinakantot ni chaewon ang sarili niya gamit ang dila ko. it was so fucking hot na kahit ako, i started to touch myself with my free hand, while the other rubbed her clit.

“tangina, ang sarap! sobrang sarap! fuck, baby. puta mo 'ko... sa'yo lang, tangina. ikaw lang makaka kantot sa'kin ng ganito.” ang ingay ni chaewon and i loved it. it drove me to my edge and i was cumming around my fingers, my moans sending vibrations on chaewon's cunt. “lalabasan na 'ko—babe... baby!” and soon enough, she was clenching her walls around my tongue. ang init at ang kalat, pero putangina, nakakaulol si chaewon.

if i knew this could happen between the both of us, maybe matagal ko nang iniwang nakabukas yung pintuan ko habang kinakantot ko yung sarili ko habang iniisip siya.

[motziedapul]

IF YOU WANNA LISTEN TO A HORROR PODCAST

✨That's "actually scary" ✨With a Filipina immigrant lead ✨Set in Toronto ✨With supernatural horrors and immortal rich occultists from the 1900s ✨ With an analog sound (phone calls+tape recordings) ✨ BIPOC leads

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[makapatag]

realities, maximalism,and the need for big book™️

some gubat banwa design thoughts vomit: since the beginning of its development i've kind of been enraptured with trying to really go for "fiction-first" storytelling because PbtA games really are peak roleplaying for me, but as i wrote and realized that a lot of "fiction first" doesn't work without a proper sort of fictional foundation that everyone agrees on. this is good: this is why there are grounding principles, genre pillars, and other such things in many PbtA games--to guide that.

broken worlds is one of my favs bc of sheer vibes

Gubat Banwa didn't have much in that sense: sure, I use wuxia and xianxia as kind of guideposts, but they're not foundational, they're not pillars of the kind of fiction Gubat Banwa wants to raise up. there wasn't a lot in the sense of genre emulation or in the sense of grounding principles because so much of Gubat Banwa is built on stuff most TTRPG players haven't heard about. hell, it's stuff squirreled away in still being researched academic and anthropological circles, and thanks to the violence of colonialism, even fellow filipinos and seasians don't know about them

this is what brought me back to my ancient hyperfixations, the worlds of Exalted, Glorantha, Artesia, Fading Suns... all of them have these huge tomes of books that existed to put down this vast sprawling fantasy world, right? on top of that are the D&D campaign settings, the Dark Suns and the Eberrons. they were preoccupied in putting down setting, giving ways for people to interact with the world, and making the world alive as much as possible.

one of my main problems with gubat banwa was trying to convey this world that i've seen, glimpsed, dreamed of. this martial fantasy world of rajas and lakans, sailendras and tuns, satariyas and senapatis and panglimas and laksamanas and pandai... its a world that didn't really exist yet, and most references are steeped in either nationalism or lack of resources (slowly changing, now)

i didn't want to fall back into the whole gazeteer tourist kind of shit when it came to writing GB, but it necessitated that the primary guidelines of Gubat Banwa were set down. my approach to it was trying to instill every aspect of the text, from the systems to the fluff text to the way i wrote to the way things were phrased, with the essence of this world i'm trying to put forward. while i wrote GB mainly for me and fellow SEAsian people, economically my main market were those in the first world countries that could afford to buy the book. grokking the book was always going to be severely difficult for someone that didn't have similar cultures, or are uninterested in the complexities of human culture. thus why GB had to be a big book.

in contemporary indie ttrpg spaces (where I mostly float in, though i must admit i pay more attention to SEAsia spaces than the usual US spaces) the common opinion is that big books like Exalted 3e are old hat, or are somewhat inferior to games that can cram their text into short books. i used to be part of that camp--in capitalism, i never have enough time, after all. however, the books that do go big, that have no choice to go big, like Lancer RPG, Runequest, Mage, Exalted are usually the ones that have something really big it needs to tell you, and they might be able to perform the same amount of text-efficient bursting at the seams flavor writing but its still not enough.

thats what happened to GB, which I wanted to be, essentially, a PbtA+4e kind of experience, mechanically speaking. i very soon abandoned those titles when i delved deeper into research, incorporated actual 15th century divination tools in the mechanics, injected everything with Martial Arts flavor as we found our niche

all of this preamble to say that no matter how light i wanted to go with the game, i couldnt go too light or else people won't get it, or i might end up writing 1000 page long tome books explaining every detail of the setting so people get it right. this is why i went heavy on the vibes: its a ttrpg after all. its never gonna be finished.

i couldnt go too light because Gubat Banwa inherently exists on a different reality. think: to many 3 meals a day is the norm and the reality. you have to eat 3 meals a day to function properly. but this might just be a cultural norm of the majority culture, eventually co opted by capitalism to make it so that it can keep selling you things that are "breakfast food" or "dinner food" and whatnot. so its reality to some, while its not reality to others. of course, a lot of this reality-talk pertains mostly to social--there is often a singular shared physical reality we can usually experience*

Gubat Banwa has a different fabric of reality. it inherently has a different flow of things. water doesn't go down because of gravity, but because of the gods that make it move, for example. bad things happen to you because you weren't pious or you didn't do your rituals enough and now your whole community has to suffer. atoms aren't a thing in gb, thermodynamics isn't a real thing. the Laws of Gubat Banwa aren't these physical empirical things but these karmic consequent things

much of the fiction-first movement has a sort of "follow your common sense" mood to it. common sense (something also debatable among philosophers but i dont want to get into that) is mostly however tied to our physical and social realities. but GB is a fantasy world that inherently doesn't center those realities, it centers realities found in myth epics and folk tales and the margins of colonized "civilization", where lightnings can be summoned by oils and you will always get lost in the woods because you don't belong there.

so Gubat Banwa does almost triple duty: it must establish the world, it must establish the intended fiction that arises from that world, and then it must grant ways to enforce that fiction to retain immersion--these three are important to GB's game design because I believe that that game--if it is to not be a settler tourist bonanza--must force the player to contend with it and play with it within its own terms and its own rules. for SEAsians, there's not a lot of friction: we lived these terms and rules forever. don't whistle at night on a thursday, don't eat meat on Good Friday, clap your hands thrice after lighting an incense stick, don't make loud noise in the forests. we're born into that [social] reality

this is why fantasy is so important to me, it allows us to imagine a different reality. the reality (most of us) know right now (i say most of us because the reality in the provinces, the mountains, they're kinda different) is inherently informed by capitalist structures. many people that are angry at capitalist structures cannot fathom a world outside capitalist structures, there are even some leftists and communists that approach leftism and revolution through capitalism, which is inherently destructive (its what leads to reactionaries and liberalism after all). fantasy requires that you imagine something outside of right now. in essence read Ursula K Le Guin

i tweeted out recently that you could pretty easily play 15-16th century Luzon or Visayas with an OSR mechanic setting and William Henry Scott's BARANGAY: SIXTEENTH CENTURY PHILIPPINE CULTURE AND SOCIETY, and I think that's purely because barebones OSR mechanics stuff fits well with the raiding and adventuring that many did in 15-16th century Luzon/Visayas, but a lot of the mechanics wont be comign from OSR, but from Barangay, where you learn about the complicated marriage customs, the debt mechanics, the social classes and stratum...

so thats why GB needs to be a (relatively) big book, and why I can contend that some books need to be big as well--even if their mechanics are relatively easy and dont need more than that, the book, the game, might be trying to relay something even more, might be trying to convey something even more than that. artesia, for example, has its advancements inherently tied to its Tarot Cards, enforcing that the Arcana guides your destiny. runquest has its runes magic, mythras (which is kinda generic) has pretty specific kinds of magic systems that immediately inform the setting. this is why everything is informed by something (this is a common Buddhist principle, dependent arising). even the most generic D&D OSR game will have the trappings of the culture and norms of the one that wrote and worked on it. its written from their reality which might not necessarily be the one others experience. that's what lived experience is, after all

*live in the provinces for a while and you'll doubt this too!

[aeonmnei]

even more filipino haji

imagine him holding your baby cousins or nieces and nephews and they all call him kuya hajime…yeah…that’s good shit

always blesses

will dance cariñosa and sayaw sa bangko with you even if he’s bad at it (super excited on the inside. will have a heart attack every other second though…are his hands sweaty? is he smiling too much? is he not smiling enough? did he lift you too strongly? what if you fall off the bench?)

(he was worried about the wrong person falling off the bench. while he was thinking about this, he missed his footing and fell on his butt.) (he’s fine)

you’ll see him in his pambahay one way or another. ratty ass t-shirt or sando with basketball shorts and tsinelas that he flips up from his foot to catch and point at tooru for dramatics

legs of steel. definitely has those calves and thighs…sigh 💞

doesn’t really like eating whole fish…he likes the fish, don’t get him wrong, it’s just the process of removing the meat from the bone and all. but if you don’t know how to/like taking the meat off the bone, he’ll do it for you. likes the crunchies so if you like the belly or head meat you guys are perfect

before a party, the two of you are probably in a corner of the kitchen rolling lumpia and/or turon. he’s really good at folding the rice paper

walis warrior! if you don’t like sweeping, he’s the man for you

he DEFINITELY smells like katinko in the summer. barely has to put it on cuz he rarely gets bitten but never likes the feeling of even one itchy bite. drown that hoe in menthol!!

awkward pictures alllll the time. he can walk near a sign that says california or something and his mom will make him stand and smile in front of it

his mom also told her friends hajime plays volleyball and then told him to play volleyball for them. “mom it’s not– huh?? i can’t play FOR them, it’s not performative!”

it might be a little annoying sometimes when he comes off as unnecessarily mean or overprotective when he tells you (in a harsh voice) to move away from the road or lock your car doors but he just cares and doesn’t know how to show it

hajime in a barong. that’s it

heyyy @mercuriians enjoy 💪😼

[7clubs]

PH Graphic Novel Sensitivity Readers.

EDIT: All found! This call for readers is closed.

Got the OK from my publisher, so uhm! This is going to be so specific and maybe a little unprecedented so I might as well ask everywhere. Hey. Help.

I am looking for sensitivity readers/beta readers for my YA graphic novel draft. Ideally based in the Philippines (ease of compensation reasons)

I am looking to address these perspectives:

Transfeminine Pinays

Kapampangan

Moro (specifically Tausug and/or Maranao)

Obviously this book is lesbian and trans as hell, so please be part of the community or an ally.

I am being traditionally published in the US, so if you have the professional/academic credentials I will try to compensate based on suggested rates over there :]

That said, I know it might be hard to find people with specific experiences for this, so like. literally if you are within these groups at all and interested please just hit me up I will welcome it 😭 Just understand I might not compensate as much if you're not as versed in this kind of literary analysis/feedback.

I tried to research as much as I can on my own but I want to really make sure I'm not missing anything, or if I can add even more truth. Thanks! Spread the word!

(I'm still working on finishing the draft for the last act over the next 2-ish months, but it can't hurt to get started.)

Draft Format: Comic is somewhat cleanly sketched out, with text already in.

Est final word count: maybe 14k words?

Age Group: Young Adult/Teen

Genre: LGBT, Fantasy Action/Adventure

CWs can be provided upon request!

[bengiyo]

The Knowing: Being Queer in BL

I’ve been talking about The Knowing a lot lately with @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @ginnymoonbeam and @shortpplfedup and so I felt it was time to gather all those thoughts into one place.

I define The Knowing as “growing up and suffering with the knowledge that you are queer (specifically that you are not like other kids) and understanding that you must keep that knowledge to yourself.”

Part of what initially drew me to BL was how often many of these shows took place in what @absolutebl calls “The Bubble” where cultural and structural homophobia is less prevalent or nonexistent. Many of these stories are about guys learning something about themselves for the first time when it comes to being attracted to other men. However, I always find myself drawn to the characters that clearly Knew who they were a long time ago. What’s interesting about these characters is that many of them carry an intense sadness and loneliness that plagues them and their relationships.

I am in my mid-30s. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of language over the decades. When I first realized I was different from other kids I was eight years old. I was a lot like Chiron in Moonlight (2016) asking the question, “What’s a faggot?” I wish I’d had someone like Juan around to say, “A faggot is a word used to make gay people feel bad.” To which Chiron asked, “Am I a faggot?” and Juan quickly corrected. “Nah. You can be gay, but you ain’t gotta let nobody call you no faggot.” I know it’s hard for some of you to read slurs written out so plainly, but I grew up with them being part of the day-to-day language used by kids around me. If you instinctively recoiled at me typing the word four times, imagine experiencing that constantly for your entire adolescence while also fearing the consequences of being discovered by your peers. That’s what I survived. That’s what some of these boys survived.

Before I learned other words, I thought I was weird or broken. I knew I was drawn to boys before I even hit puberty, but I didn’t have language for existing on the ace-spectrum until I joined Tumblr in the early 2010s. Before that I just thought there was something wrong with me. When we see a character in BL who has clearly been gay for a long time, I find myself examining the environment around them to see if they suffered The Knowing.

The worst part of The Knowing is for the boys who can pass as straight if they try hard enough. I always talk about how I think femmes are stronger than those of us (like me) who can pass. They face the public scrutiny of being queer and the danger of that constantly. People like me often go unnoticed unless we’re amongst our peers or explicitly tell people who we are.

I’m writing this post as a love letter to the boys who suffered the Knowing. Sometimes these characters get a bad reputation in fandom for being boring or sad sacks, but they are the characters I love the most. I’d like to talk about some of my favorite boys who Knew. Unsurprisingly, the exact kind of melancholy Japan is willing to play with means they have strong presence on this list.

Korn (Until We Meet Again)

Korn is the character who began my discussion about this in a conversation with @wen-kexing-apologist about Kao’s acting. I pointed out that the saddest thing about Korn in Until We Meet Again is that he knew what he was going to do the entire time. The tragedy of UWMA is that Korn loved Intouch and let him in, and unfortunately learned that Intouch’s love couldn’t fix the horrors that plagued him. You can see it in Kao’s eyes for the entire show whenever we see the In and Korn flashbacks. He suffers under the weight of masculine expectation and crumbles.

The Entire Cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday?

WDYEY is all about characters who Knew. Kenji and Wataru may have been unable to pass and have chosen to accept who they are, but we know Wataru suffered for it because of his feelings about family. Shiro hid who he was for a very long time, and still hides it from most people. His trauma from The Knowing regularly threatens his relationship with Kenji. Kohinata also clearly knew who he was the entire time, and works diligently for the life he’s built for himself. So much of this show is about being gay in a world that does not value us.

Book, Christina, and Yok (Make It Right)

Book is actively victimized because of The Knowing. He left his previous school and doesn’t live with his family because he was outed by a past boyfriend, and is disowned after revenge porn of him is posted.

Both Chrstina and Yok are femme and cannot pass. Unlike many of the boys in this show figuring out who they are, they are trying to survive without losing themselves.

Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

Li Ming has a gay uncle and still suffers The Knowing. He is hiding his attraction from everyone until he develops feelings for Heart.

Itou Akira (Life: Love on the Line)

We experienced the entire arc of this man’s life and how much The Knowing crushed him. This is probably the most The Knowing character on the list.

Oumi Mitsuru (Eternal Yesterday)

Oumi has such a frank expression of The Knowing and how much it hurts that he likes Koichi but feels like he can’t express it.

Takahashi Satoru (Koisenu Futari)

The man literally blogs about The Knowing, and it’s how Sakuko began to understand herself. He has a questionnaire prepared to help you figure out how long you’ve Known.

Ren (Tokyo in April Is…)

I wrote multiple posts about Ren and his experience with The Knowing. So much of what goes wrong for them is because Ren couldn’t believe that Kazuma could like him, too, and he knowingly faced the consequences of being discovered to save Kazuma’s life.

Pete (Love by Chance)

Pete knows who he is and can’t change it. Trump uses this against him. Pete doesn’t want Ae to be gay like him and suffer with the realities of being a Known Gay. Pete has one of the first coming out scenes in BL that I really enjoyed.

Cairo (Gameboys)

Cairo was clearly struggling with Knowing, and his close friend took his coming out from him. Cairo is a brat, but goddamn do I appreciate some of his angst.

See-eiw (My Only 12%)

He watched The Love of Siam (2007) and had a complete emotional breakdown as he was finally able to name his feelings for Cake. Top-tier expression of The Knowing.

Shin (3 Will Be Free)

I mean, we don’t have to look much further than his entire sad existence and being pushed into sex with a prostitute in the first episode. Also there’s, “It wasn’t that you didn’t like boys. You just didn’t like me.” Shin is the only boy in BL-adjacent media to suffer a specific version of The Knowing: being rejected and discarded by your own people in a homophobic way so they could stay closeted.

Phupha (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Phupha’s entire romantic angst is built around The Knowing and what others seeing him for who he is will do for him.

Pran (Bad Buddy)

Though Bad Buddy exists in The Bubble, Pran has one of the most painful versions of The Knowing I’ve ever experienced because his is wrapped up in family angst and an unrequited crush.

Lee Wan (Our Dating Sim)

Lee Wan suffered The Knowing and broke things with his best friend after confessing. The Knowing destroyed his ability to see a version of his life where he and Shin Kitae overcame the upcoming challenges together and so he takes that choice from Kitae. Crushing.

Ueda Minoru (Our Dining Table)

Minoru is so familiar with The Knowing that he preemptively breaks up with Yutaka after kissing him.

Kiyoi (My Beautiful Man)

The reveal that Kiyoi already knew who he was and noticed Hira the entire time? Beautiful. One of the best reveals in J-BL history.

Minato (Minato’s Laundromat)

This man is one of the sadder examples of The Knowing because he’s in a place where he understands who he is now, but the internalized homophobia cripples almost all of his romantic and closer relationships.

Han Baram (Sing My Crush)

This boy is suffering so much from The Knowing that his love confession song is literally titled “Letter of Apology.”

Oh-aew (I Told Sunset About You)

He Knew. “Are you proud of me?”

Noh Shinwoo and Shin Daon (Light On Me)

Noh Shinwoo clearly suffered The Knowing and was discovered. His bullies still plague him on the streets when they see him. Shin Daon was not surprised by his attraction to Woo Taekyung; he struggled with his parents expectations.

Nagisa (His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love)

Nagisa definitely Knew who he was and was probably going to stay quiet about it until Shun showed up in his life. What upsets me so much about Nagisa is that he is the one who leaves Shun later in the movie after pulling queerness out of Shun.

The Secret Crush on You Quartet

All four of them get a spot on this list for The Knowing. Toh, Kaojao, and Daisy clearly suffered The Knowing, and Som has clearly taken care of them for a long time.

Rocky and Judah (Quaranthings)

I love that these two explore The Knowing from a class perspective. Judah is wealthier and eventually comes out, but Rocky is poor and struggles with it a lot longer.

Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook (Where Your Eyes Linger)

The Knowing, bodyguard edition. The yearning between the two of these is palpable. It hurts that they can’t even talk to each other about it.

Mafuyu (Given)

He Knew and lost his boyfriend to The Knowing.

Kim Dong Hee (Unintentional Love Story)

He won’t acknowledge Go Ho Tae’s feelings because he feels a sense of loyalty to Ho Tae’s mom for taking care of him after his parents disowned him over the gay thing. Huge case of The Knowing.

Edit: New Additions October 7, 2023.

Nekoyashiki Mamoru (Kabe-Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized)

He describes a textbook case of the Knowing and finding community at the convention.

Zo (Hidden Agenda)

He definitely Knew, and got messed over by his friends badly for it.

Yuuki (Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend)

We almost lost Yuuki to the Knowing.

All of the Eclipse Gays

Literally all of them. The entire show is about how fascism turns queer people into agents working against their own community.

Joe (The Warp Effect)

He clearly Knew before his encounter with Army, and he also suffered for being outed.

[wheatfieldspoet]

as isaac, on the walk home

please, won’t you look at me, father? i can’t erase the memory                             of the surrender in your eyes if i keep staring at your back.

you held my hand as we climbed the mountain. i felt your pulse through my palm,               your grip tight against the sweat. God has called us, you said with urgency, yet       you took       your time       as we ascended.

i can’t remember what i feared more:                      the blade,                      the flame,                      or the aftermath.

who would have made the bigger sacrifice if there was no ram in the thicket— you? me?

or mother?

is there no test of faith more agonizing than to forgive?

but even in my final breath, i would have. i love you even though i may never understand it, if only you would tell me. i don’t ask for much—

father!       please.                             soothe my shivering. i’m afraid                      the next time                      i see a knife                                    i might think                                                                it’s                                                                              love.

— Jade A.

escapril day 3: eye contact

@adventurerswritingguild day 3: hand / god / knife

[tritemagicalsatire]

Always in the writing scene when the author themselves are drunk from the euphoria of having their words imprinted on a paper or screen. But the need of having their draft scanned over and over again for the final product is the real struggle here. The struggle to put one's words into something comprehensible, even to themselves FIRST, as its first audience of an intellectual freakshow—

Ah... The rules of the grammarian culture without sacrificing the childlike playing of random alphabet blabbering. And one's personal standard of literary utopia is waving, all after the random soliloquies whispering in one's mind as if they are asleep while writing/typing the words needed for the wordscapes recipe of an individual aspiration for having their illusions to be something material, and yet, ethereal.

The somnolent escape in the paper kingdom of mindless thoughts in order to have a mindful release to the letter collective! 😅🤣

—M.

[nangua]

@nosebleedclub prompt: detente - the easing of hostility or strained relations

[musings-n-museums]

for immigrant daughters + for my grandma

sa hindi pag-alala by munimuni || pinterest || biyaheng pier 1963 (pinterest) || the true meaning of nostaglia (the new yorker) drawn by eleni kalorkoti || part of your world by alan menken (the little mermaid) || godspeed by frank ocean || manila street scene (1954) taken by ed_mola / eduardo de leon || ruth 1:16 from the bible || white ferrari by frank ocean || everything everywhere all at once directed by daniel Kwan and daniel scheinert

[inkcurlsandknives]

Every writer I know has had that one English teacher who encouraged thier talent and helped them find thier voice. The one they dedicate a book to or send them a signed copy years later. Meanwhile, I had Mr. Fish-Breath (name redacted, new name given because he would not stay out of female student's personal space and had the WORST fish-breath) my high school English teacher who was determined to "Shake things up" and be hip and cool by forcing us to present ted-talks and operate blogs about classic literature. He also believed in never giving A student's A's. Which as a student gunning for academic scholarships with an asian mom was a capital offence anyway. During one of his funky, fresh writing assignments that I had BUSTED MY ASS ON I went to his class after hours to try to talk my B+ into an A- because I was not bringing that shit home and TO MY FACE! He Lowered the grade and told me "Your over-effusive use of language tricked me into giving you a higher grade than you deserved." Out of PURE UNADULTERATED SPITE since that moment I have remined a deeply effusive writer, and now my lush and lyrical novel Saints of Storm and Sorrow is out in the world. So Mr. Fish-Breath can eat crow.

If there's any advice I'm willing to give out about publishing and making it as a writer, its that doing it for spite will get you just as far or farther than dreams in my experience.

[apopcornkernel]

since you're so interested in filipino language, does it follow the structure of [subject + verb + object + extension] like english or does it break that structure? in bangla, we have the [subject+ verb + object + extension] but we also break that structure so basically we can have [subject + object + verb]. for example, we can use both "ami take dekhte chaina" which roughly translated is "i her don't want to see" based on how the sentence is structured. this is why i have such a hard time trying to follow the english structure of subject-verb-object and sometimes end up mixing both structures

to use your same example, the tagalog equivalent would be "ayaw ko siyang makita" or "ayaw kong makita siya" = i don't want to see them.

ayaw ko siyang makita: don't want (modifier) - my (subject) - them (object) - see (verb)

ayaw kong makita siya: don't want (modifier) - my (subject) - see (verb) - them (object)

the -ng suffix, which basically means that it's modifying, is shifted around according to the sequence of words ^^ it's kinda hard to explain in text sorry and im already super offtrack 😭

honestly, I'm not very equipped to discuss tagalog conjugation, because 1) my first and best language is english, and 2) it's so complex 😭 once saw a white guy discussing it here actually, its all in english!! ↓

so back to your original question: does tagalog follow the structure of [subject + verb + object + extension] like in english?

my answer would be a yes, with caveat, because it's possible for a tagalog sentence to fall into this structure BUT there are many ways to structure a sentence in the first place

for your sample sentence of "i don't want to see her", i can't think of an un-nonsense way to fit it into that structure 😭 ayaw ko siyang makita/ayaw kong makita siya is the most natural way to say it imo. "ako ay (I am) ayaw (dont want) makita (see) siya (them)" sounds so weird

but hey, i could be wrong—disclaimer again, this is my 2nd language and not my 1st sgjdmfjf

i also struggle answering your question because it's kinda broad hsjdhdnd if you want a follow up maybe a more specific one would be easier 😓 unfortunately i wasnt able to pursue linguistics so i lack a lot of technical knowledge and terms which might have made this easier for us both huhu </3

[kavalyera]

does anyone have tips on writing a vtm chronicle 🧍‍♀️