#write me something 🙏
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Ouch!
I Can feel You in all these places
I Can remember all these special moments
I Can see your eyes through mine
I Can remember all of these conversations
I Can see your smile and hear you laughing
I Can remember trying to hide my feelings, fighting them and just letting them go for my redemption
I Can remember trying to seized the arrows of the clocks and trying to stop the time to keep these moments endless
Keeping my tears or trying to keep them from falling apart
Leaving this place alone this time…and wish never had to feel what I feel today
#circle#passion#love#psylounge#missing you#shine bright#diapason#sacred moments#2 ´ mots#wish you were here#write me something 🙏
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haunting the narrative -> haunted by the narrative -> haunting the narrative -> haunted by
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#fan art#fanart#art#digital art#my art#just a lil something something i did for fun#adventure time has always been the show that makes me want to draw (i have SO many AT drawings from 2015 it's ridiculous)#but now I'm coming back to that ye olde passion with new digital art skills and many more evil tragic thoughts (thank you fionna and cake🙏)#i couldn't get the thought about them haunting and be haunted by the narrative out of my head so I had to make some art for it#the caption for this was almost: so who wears the haunted by the narrative in the relationship?#they take turns of course because damn these guys really do be having that tragic romance huh. hot potato cursed existence#never quite on the same wavelength. always out of reach. their love the very thing that dooms them to be apart. a love defined by absences#like two ships in the night passing each other by. except they keep trying to seek the other out. and so end up going in circles#the tragic dance of madness and sadness. lead on and i shall follow. ....so anyway...these two amiright?#/might/ have to write something at some point...maybe...#because like... ghosts are my thing. and these two...well. even when they aren't haunting the narrative they are still ghosts#never let themselves live in the present and okay I'm going to stop now. enjoy the art byeeeee#...AND they'll never be at peace because they'll always be reaching for a version of each other that no longer exists and—#(i am dragged kicking and screaming from the room before i can devolve into a full blown meta)
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I've just had a bad memory my whole life lmao it's fine! Definitely Not A Symptom Of An Underlying Mental Illness And Childhood Coping Mechanisms 😎👍✨
#digital art#dumb comic time#just something that has been popping up in my therapy lately lmao#i love my therapist i hope she thinks i'm funny#me writing in my journal : i hope my therapist thinks i'm funny 💖#my therapist : we should unpack this#only posting this to tumblr bc you babes understand me 😔🙏💖
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no joke but what I really want for Buddy Daddies as a fandom is to make fanart and fanfic post present time ep12 where Rei wears an arm orthosis when working.
I think varied disability aids being represented would be fantastic, and personally would write Rei as someone being deeply proud of something he's done for his family, but also understanding with time that using an orthosis also helps him at work and in raising Miri. with a giant portion of mobility/motorics aids being represented by prosthetics, seeing more variety and exploring it in fiction would also help making a step in normalising disability treatments.
#that's my personal opinion and i just thought about how understanding more about physical disabilities#and how to help people with those aids in case something happens and they ask for help#has furthered my understanding and might even help me in the future if i were ever to experience that#Buddy Daddies Spoilers#Buddy Daddies#Suwa Rei#(again. i want to write Kurusu Rei SO BAD)#text post#Varya rambles#also drawing an orthosis would be real complicated for an animated work so i understand why they chose to hide the arm#but i really like the headcanon of Rei using it sparingly 🥺 not everyone uses them all the time#+ it's also not healthy if worn all the time. looking @ people who'd let their characters sleep with their prostheis on. smh#and this is also NOT a 'you HAVE to do this'! just something I think would be fantastic#...also I'm like. apparently looking @ a start of a fic where Rei uses it?? is my writer's block finally over?!#here's a hoping 🙏buddy daddies such a good anime. not perfect not extremely beautiful. but GOOD in HEART#1k
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imagine the 118 are at some emergency - nothing very serious, maybe some minor car crash or whatever, everything on the firefighters part is taken care of, so now it's mostly medical, so hen and chim are working, while buck and eddie and bobby are standing nearby, not really needed or smth (just bc I need Buck to be able to afford to get distracted 🙈)
a helicopter flies by and Buck immediately looks up like "oh, you think that's tommy?" bc we know he'd think every helicopter was Tommy lol- hen and chim (fondly) roll their eyes bc buck cannot stop gushing about tommy - but eddie, supportive bff as he is, looks up too and is like "it looks like lafd, it might be him"
buck's still looking up as the helicopter flies away and pulls out his phone to text tommy that he might have seen him and ask if he was flying in the area
then he turns to the victim hen and chim are taking care of and of course he has to explain bc it's the one person in the closest vicinity who doesn't know, so he's like: "Tommy's my hot pilot boyfriend btw. he's so cool" and starts talking about him, and chim groans and Hen shakes her head with exasperation bc he cant last an hour without bringing tommy up and it's adorable but also getting annoying and also they've known tommy the longest and they know he's not that cool.
meanwhile Bobby just looks at him fondly bc he's never seen buck this happy, and Eddie's just grinning from ear to ear bc he's also happy for buck, and he also thinks Tommy's the coolest, but then he goes into his usual teasing bc of course he does
but buck just happily keeps talking about his hot pilot boyfriend (and maybe that's the moment the team decide to start a 'tommy' jar)
just... buck gushing about his boyfriend to anyone who'll listen 🙏
#wikiangela writes#bucktommy#it's been on my mind and i had to write *something* even if it's not fully a fic (yet) lol#give me bucktommy&eddie dynamic bc its gonna be so amazing 🙏🙏🙏#fic ideas#lowkey wanna write smth like this lol#but also if anyone else wants to pls do🙏🙏🙏
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it’s like baby gorl there’s no way I, the author who wrote the fic you’re commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you 😿🙏 some things can just stay on your chest 🙏
#there’s a threshold I think of what I accept in comments about characters#and their actions or about who is in the wrong or what should happen#because I do like reading people’s opinions#and sometimes when someone is like I didn’t like obi-wan in this fic#I’m like makes sense! maybe you weren’t supposed to or maybe the argument they had was supposed to not be clear cut on who is right#because arguments in real life don’t always have a clear cut winner or morally superior person lmao#I’m ok with that I’m ok with comments saying boo this character is annoying#because sometimes they just are (eg the amount of people who just don’t like obiwan in pbatmb like?? yeah of course he’s not gonna be nice#but I digress lol#anyway but there’s a threshold of when comments about not liking a character go too far and you’re just like.#saying mean things about the writing itself and that’s not something lm gonna allow to be normalized#no matter the intention behind it#you do not type a comment like this knowing it wil be send to an author#who will get an email notification about a comment#click on it and go oooo long comment :D and then go oh.#you don’t do that it’s rude it’s being a jerk#I’ve been here for like 3 almost 4 years I feel ancient in this fandom sometimes#and I’ve gotten so much feedback on my work through that time and so many nice comments and community#but mean comments can really hurt especially new writers#and they can make people who maybe would write fic for a fandom decide to not#like this isn’t even that mean I can almost see the writer just wanting to say how they feel#but sometimes you do not have to 🙏#also I just think this understanding of the characterizations in the fic and probably their understanding of the characters in the films#is a wee bit trash but that’s for me to say in the long tags of my own blog post and not for me to comment on their fics for the fandom#(they don’t have any but I did check because 3am kit felt nosy)
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sugu/reader timeloop au . is this anything
#i blame niku for this btw#being a bad influence 😔 affecting me w timeloop thoughts 😔😔 (i love you)#this au has been buzzing in my head for a while but. i think it’ll stay in my wips for a bit longer…#i need to wait until i can do it justice !!!#as i was writing the outline i kept thinking of . that one line from clannad …. kotomi’s route…..#it’s actually a scifi short story quote i think but idc 🙏 kotomi sweep#”the day before yesterday i saw a deer; yesterday it was a rabbit; and today —#you.”#…. something about it just. fills me with longing 😭😭😭#i keep thinking of reader meeting suguru over and over again in a sunsoaked classroom#waiting for him to say his line every loop… waiting for it so they can turn around and greet him#with sooo much familiarity . even though through his eyes they’re a stranger…..#I’M JUST . yeah. timeloops my beloveds <333#ari noises ✩
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“She’s tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”😤😤😤
(Regency AU with Eloise and Sebastian inspired by my slow trek through Bridgerton these days & @bassicallymaestra ‘s AMAZING regency inspired art😮💨😇🙏)
#I just have a love of big regency dresses what can I say😔🙏#if you haven’t seen them yet this is a study of the GORGEOUS P&P illustrations from the 1890s by Charles Brock#they are all just so spectacular & I stare at them alllllllllll the time wishing I had an ounce of his talent🙏🙏🙏#so I do these studies to pretend even though I change some things😅😅 bc these studies is the best way to improve imo🙏#but I remembered halfway through why I rage quit trying to draw with my fountain pen a year ago😂😂😂#that thing is amazing for writing and I love it like a child#but drawing?! tbh I should have used my drawing ink pen but whatever#I woke up with a hankering to do some crosshatching (which I hate) in an attempt to get over myself#also!!!!!! when Mr Darcy says something like that it’s no wonder Elizabeth jumps at the bit to believe every awful thing she hears about him#it’s like Mr wickham’s dumb stories that nobody else in their right mind would believe#are speaking right to her soul. like OF COURSE that asshole from the assembly would do all of those things😤😤#he called me ugly so OF COURSE he would deny mr wickham his living😤😤#(I don’t blame her I would do the same🤝🤝)#ALSO why tf did he even say that when he’s clearly smitten from the beginning#I’m sure if he knew that she heard him he would simply perish from mortification#well thst is my p&p - inking horror - inspiration rant of the day🙏🙏#(I read p&p at least once a year & it is the only fanfic I really read😅😅😅)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#eloise babbit#regency au
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EVEN MORE CUTE DOTTORE MOMENTS TO MAKE YOU SMILE 🙏 (because I am too tired to post anything of quality)
#smooches talks#ouhhhh... to experience the domestic life with him...#someone motivate me to start writing actual fics again...#the dottore honeymoon fic merely has the title “medicus scriptor amorem” and “Honeymoon fic” in the actual document LMFAO#i made it on... january 27 oops#idek if im gonna stick to that name because google translate for latin is so bad omfg#(TO THAT KIND PERSON WHO SENT ME IDEAS ILY AND I PROMISE I WILL RESPOND. I PROMISE IM NOT IGNORING U)#i also have another wip i havent touched with loving the harbingers when they weren't in the fatui yet#no like seriously i think churning out 50k words did something to my writing state 💀🙏#a snippet from dottores part: Il Dottore’s strength was nearly unmatched in the Fatui being the Second Fatui Harbinger and all.#what most people do not know is that he was… certainly not the best fighter during his Akademiya days.#A claymore was also out of the question - he grumbled when he had to lug his numerous research materials and parts to the desert…#In the end you settled on teaching Zandik the basics of a sword. do with this as you will...#however i am still so proud of myself for fabulam diu oblitus#i was rereading in class bc i was bored and i was like#damn i kinda ate with this#thanks for listening to smooches mini writing life crisis if u made it here#okay i go sleep now... i have midterms this week#OMFG THESE TAGS R SO LONG IM SO SORRY
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[Dreamling Week Day 6: Sick] In Sickness
It's a fluffy sick fic featuring eldritch goo Dream of the Endless idk what else to tell you
CW: if you're fine with Dream being an eldritch being, then absolutely nothing. 😊 Enjoy! 🖤
Hob stares at the large black puddle of goo that flooded most of the living room. He just got back from work and found Matthew perched on a branch near his flat, looking as frantic as a raven could get.
Said raven is now perched on Hob's shoulder, eyeing the mess on the floor gravely.
Hob had been warned that Dream is 'in a state,' but he didn't exactly expect that 'state' to be liquid.
Because it is Dream on the floor, Hob can see that very clearly. Though the goo simply looks like dark glittery slime poured over the floor to the uninitiated, Hob recognizes a couple of nebulas on its surface. There, by the telly, is the Horsehead Nebula, there by the bookshelf that contained none of Shaxberd's works is the Trifid Nebula, and just by Hob's feet is the Lagoon Nebula.
"Darling?" Hob calls out, unsure if he's going to get an answer. This is his first time encountering Dream like this. "Are you alright?"
No answer.
He looks at Matthew a bit helplessly. "Do I just...scoop him up with my hands?"
Matthew fidgets. "Definitely don't vacuum him."
"Why the hell would I--"
"Well, why are you asking me? I don't know this shit! I was literally a human a year ago!"
Hob pinches his nose. They were like blind drunks stumbling down the street together. "Is he even sentient like this?"
The dark puddle vibrates, and Hob feels Matthew's talons dig into his shoulders from the jumpscare. He himself almost drops his suitcase. "I can hear both of you," the puddle grumbles, "and you are making too much noise for my liking."
"Oh, sorry, love," Hob says, his boyfriend instincts suddenly awakened at Dream's sulky morning voice. "Did we wake you?"
"I want some of your chicken pot pie."
"Chicken pot pie." Hob repeats. His brain is still processing the fact that his boyfriend is a literal puddle of goo on the floor. "Yeah. Okay. Let me just get some ingredients from the shops real quick. Can you get to the bedroom while I'm gone? I don't want to step on you when I return."
--
He leaves Matthew...not in charge, but overseeing goo Dream's long and arduous trek to the bedroom.
He hears the raven mutter something about this being like hell all over again.
Hob ignores that because he has a different set of problems to tackle.
--
Hob's panic sets in as soon as he gets out of the car carrying all the ingredients for chicken pot pie, as well as some other food and drinks good for sick humans.
Once the pie is done cooking and cooling down a bit, how will he feed Dream? Where is his mouth? Does Hob just...pour it on the goo and hope for the best?
What if that were the equivalent of dumping hot soup on his boyfriend's lap?
--
"Any improvement?" he asks Matthew, who has kept an eye on Dream while perched safely on the back of the couch.
Hob checked, and Dream's form is thankfully all contained in the bedroom, still looking like a lake of stars.
"Nope. But he says he wants you to make extra crusts because he likes that. I would also like some extra bits to snack on, if that's alright."
"Sure." Hob goes to do just that. Chicken pot pie for the boyfriend and a lot of extra crusts for the boyfriend and his raven.
No problem. This is all totally normal and fine.
--
"Dream? Darling? The pot pie is done."
The puddle looks a little smaller in size, and Hob can see a couple of hill-like formations near the middle of the mass. He hopes it's a sign that Dream is slowly getting better.
At his words, one of the islands move closer to him, like a shark. Its progress sends ripples throughout the lake.
"Finally," the island nearer to him says. Its peak splits open to reveal the inside of Dream's human mouth. "Feed me."
At this point, Hob isn't even questioning anything anymore. All he knows is how to be a good boyfriend, so he's gonna do just that.
He sits down at the very edge of the lake near the hill with the mouth, and scoops up a portion of the pie, making sure to blow on it before feeding it to Dream.
The hill hums in appreciation.
"Good?"
"Delicious," Dream's mouth says, before opening once more, like a baby bird waiting to be fed. "More. I want a larger portion of the crust this time."
Hob couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his face and obediently gets more of the crust for the next bite.
--
"What kind of juice do you like?" Hob asks, a few hours later. The goo now looks less like a puddle and more like gelatine that didn't set properly. It was on the couch, bundled up in one of Hob's soft knitted blankets, watching an earlier season of Game of Thrones with Matthew.
"What kinds do you have?"
"Uh, orange, apple, and pineapple. Oh, and I still got some banana milk from the Korean grocery store, if you prefer that. Or almond milk."
"All of them."
Hob and Matthew share an alarmed look behind gelatine Dream's back. "What, an equal amount of all those drinks together in a single glass?"
"Yes."
Hob looks heavenwards and prays for a little more sanity before complying.
And just for fun, he goes down to the Inn and gets a blue cocktail umbrella and a heart-shaped drinking straw to put in gelatine Dream's very questionable drink.
Gelatine Dream hums in delight and tells Hob he loves him.
Hob beams and kisses the top of the gelatinous mass, while Matthew chokes, very possibly because the scene on TV is Hodor...doing his thing, and that always gets to Hob.
(Matthew chokes because he is disgusted, he is revolted--)
--
Something thick and long, like an anaconda, slithers into bed with Hob, and it is only through his 600 plus years of living in this world does he calm his frantically beating heart and open his arms so big ass snake Dream can curl up next to him.
"I hate being sick," the snake hisses, its huge dark head tucking itself under Hob's chin. "I can't hug you like this."
'Please don't wrap around me and squeeze me to death,' Hob does not say. "I think you're adorable," he murmurs instead against Dream's coils, and kisses the nearest scaled skin in front of his face.
--
Dream is mostly back in his human form come morning, but he still dripped viscous dark liquid wherever he goes. It reminds Hob of Howl Pendragon from the Howl's Moving Castle Ghibli movie.
"How are you this morning, darling?"
"Wretched," Dream says as he drips onto his fry up. Hob mentioned preparing porridge for him as they got up earlier, only to be informed by Dream that he fucking hates porridge and would hurl it into the sun if he could. And so Hob cooked some fry up instead. "Must you go to work?"
Hob, already running late and in the process of putting on his shoes, stops and looks back at the pathetic picture Dream makes. He is sadly looking down at his perfectly cooked eggs, dripping dark sludge on the sun-yellow yolks.
"I'll call in sick," Hob decides, and takes his phone out to do just that. The department head is going to verbally flay him alive for only giving notice at the last minute, but nothing is more important to him than Dream. Hell, they could fire him over the phone and he'd be fine with it.
Dream hugs him around the middle as Hob puts his briefcase down, ruining his white dress shirt. Hob hugs him back and kisses the top of his head.
It's fine. He'll just buy another shirt, or get another job. But Dream is irreplaceable.
--
"Have I told you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me?" Dream asks him a couple of days later, when they're both lying in bed after two rounds of fantastic sex, celebrating Dream's full recovery.
Hob kisses him on the nose and cuddles him closer. "Maybe once or twice in the last 24 hours," he says. "But it never hurts to tell me again."
--
Dream shyly hands him an unbreakable ceramic mug made from the sands of the Dreaming. It says, "The best boyfriend across all of time and space," in Dream's handwriting.
It takes Hob a solid month to stop grinning like a fool.
#don't ask me what dream is sick with because i'll probably say something like 'the slutty sickness'#but fr dream is too adorable here asdfghjkl#i was working on writing for the confession prompt but the story wasn't feeling it#so now we have sick eldritch goo dream of the endless and best boyfriend ever hob gadling#(sighs longingly)#manifesting for me to have a boyfriend!hob in my life tbh 🙏#dreamling#DreamlingWeek#DreamlingWeek2023#the sandman#my writing
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what if. what if I did a whole post abt ex-togame what if.
#no because........ the way I'm in my feelings for him and in my feelings for angst should be illegal#hands itching. i need to write i need to write sOMETHING#togame ? trying the most to make things right only for your relationship to fall for the 1 thing he can't do that's communication? HMU#i genuinely think he wouldn't be desperated begging for a second chance bc im a firm believer he would be pissed#HOWEVER ☝️ May I suggest ☝️ togame slowly loosing his mind because you accidentally left something in his house ☝️#its the idea of 'he has so much of you' in his house and vice-versa just to show how he genuinely tried so much how could u not see it ?!#not me yapping abt this instead of writing........ alright maybe I'll make a part two of that prev posf just for him 😐#'your fault for letting your girl get so comfortable togame' 'shut up stop saying that you're not my girl anymore' 'sorry. habit.' 'i know.'#I CAN WRITE A MESS SO MESSY I PROMISE 🙏🙏🙏🙏 ILL DO IT ILL DO IT#i just need angst in my veins atm and you guys know me I can't do that to ume. its too much for me to handle.#ALWAYS ALWAYS obsessed with different ways a enneagram 2 reacts to it. as a 2 myself. ume and jo the mans that you both are.#ALRIGHT ENOUGH ill write it. by next week i promise 👍👍👍#if i dont get any requests it will be the next thing promise 👍#e.txt#jo togame x reader
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i was wondering why oda was in the ADA in beast and then i realized rhat it’s probably because fukuzawa might have taken him in during untold origins. and now i Really want to write a ranpo & oda beast au siblings fic based on that idea
#will i ever stop writing found family aus? probably not#JUST HEAR ME OUT 🙏#something something dazai taking in akutagawa in the main timeline#and fukuzawa not taking in oda in the main timeline#and how that could have’s changed in beast#oda sakunosuke#ranpo edogawa#fukuzawa yukichi#bsd#bungou gay dogs#bsd beast#bungo stray dogs#there might have been a canon explanation but i dont remember it lmao
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@ infernalpursuit [ @miratenebrarum Pinocchio ] asked:
“Are you lost?” <- said in the most plain and emotionless way ever btw
Again. The thief found herself in a unfamilar place. Again, not the first time, and surely not her last. Standing now in a city she had never visited, Lilli was indeed lost. She also saw not a soul besides herself. Perhaps a dead place. Maybe a place in which she could find some valuable goods...?
A voice ripped her out of her thought's, and made the woman spin around... just to find a boy not standing to far away from her. Something on him was strange, though Lilli couldn't exactly tell what it was. Surely not his plain and emotionless way to talk to her, because she replied just the same, with her face also showing barely any reaction.
" I suppose I am... Do you mind telling me where I am? "
Perhaps she could get some information from this one. He was the only other person she saw around so far after all.
#I still have no idea about Lies of P so correct me if I write something wrong 🙏#ask#;; ᵗʳᵃᵛᵉˡᶤᶰᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᵏᶰᵒʷᶰ [medieval verse]#miratenebrarum#;; ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵍᵒᶤᶰᵍ ᵒᶰ? [rp]
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them
Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:
“I’ll accept those birthday wishes…” Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed.
She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldn’t change her much. For as long as she could remember, she’d been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not.
Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she asked, “did you need something else?”
“Ah… I just…” He twisted his hands together. “I had a question.”
He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.
“H-how do you do it? All the time? You’re older and stronger and braver and I-I just don’t know how.”
“Give yourself some credit. I’m not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.”
She wasn’t being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously.
“No…” his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. “Not muscles. I mean… you don’t have someone like Muu. You don’t need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone… and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.”
Kotoko’s smile softened. She wasn’t the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasn’t about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.
“Ah, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.”
“Virtues…?”
“I see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I can’t help myself.” She clenched her fist. “The power to do so just comes to me.”
“Oh…” Haruka looked down at his palms.
Her heart sank, realizing he didn’t quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasn’t sure she could put it into words to explain to others.
Haruka’s open hands were trembling. “Um. Is there any other way?”
“Hm?”
“All my life… I only cause pain to everyone.” His worry gradually turned to desperation.” I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a… a curse. So… is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!”
He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back.
His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. “Ah! I. I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. You should be… Have a g-good day.”
“Wait.” Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days.
“Don’t worry so much about others’ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power that’s all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, you’ll realize how much you’re truly capable of. You don’t need anyone else. You’ll realize that you are enough.”
“I… am enough…?”
She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder.
“So, no need to get all worked up now, okay?”
“O-okay. I’ll do my best.” He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.
She let out a bitter laugh. “I told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I don’t think they paid me any mind.” Kotoko still couldn’t fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. “Let’s go see if there’s some cake or something.”
#milgram#kotoko yuzuhira#haruka sakurai#thank you so much! this one was super interesting to write 👀#the thing is even though they dont have any direct problem between them they would still have a hard time communicating#but once they DO communicate there would so much they could learn from/help each other with!!!#this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control#it really puts it into perspective how young kotoko is when you remember shes not too much older than haruka#and theyre both susceptible to strong emotions that stem from feeling weak int he face of the big scary world#but kotokos sees her as some blessing of power to serve her heroic thoughts and haruka sees his as a curse#ty to my pals who helped me find the exact spot in the timeline i was looking for 🙏#although kotoko doesnt believe she can change that easily she 100% undergoes the exact type of dramatic change as the others#once again referencing the arm wrestling info from yamanaka#between that and the fact that strangulation actually takes a fair amount of power#i just think its very good to remember that haruka is so physically strong#also something something kids looking up and wanting to be like kotoko and her complex emotions on that....#these two are sooooo interesting AH#drabbles
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if somebody noticed that i’m not that active as before, it’s just because i’m overwhelmed with Everything, and there’s not enough hours in a day, and i need to manage my pastimes and effort/time i put into them and how it correlates with my overall everyday mood, and wow that sounds too complicated than it should’ve been, i guess it’s just audhd hours as usual
#but! i’ve actually overcomed my cringe and continued with re-reading the ever-changing#rn i’m at the second part of chapter 3 so. i guess i’m almost done with this stage of writing#chap4 should be the easiest to power through. only if won’t get bored because i already know what happened there#but. chances are not that high. it’s my fav chapter after all#and then to editing the mess that is chap5 at the moment... 💀#but it’s nice to look forward to have a reason to write something#i wanted to post chap5 sooner and not make the hiatus as long as half of a year but#it doesn’t really seem like something that i am able to do after all 😔#wishing my life will be kinder to me from now on 🙏 and i’ll have time and space to actually rest#<- copium#nothing’s bad and unusual so no need to worry if you’ve become concerned after this post#ever-changing save me. ever-changing... save me ever-changing
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