#(I don’t blame her I would do the same🤝🤝) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

olivia-anderson-fanfic · 2 years ago

Text

A Canary's Tweets

(Bolded are tweets that weren't already included in the fic)

Spoilers for the fic. Obviously.

~~~~~

OliverQueenOfficial: Why does that one Gotham villain go by Canary? Black Canary already exists.

TheBetterCanary: if youre gonna vague tweet maybe dont put my name in it

TheBetterCanary: but anyways someone else named me that and it stuck before i could think of something to change it to

ScareCrane:… @/RiddleMeThis she’s dissing you

RiddleMeThis: LISTEN UP. IT WAS THEMATIC. DON’T ANY OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING OF DRAMA? EVER HEAR ABOUT CANARIES IN COAL MINES? FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR UNCULTURED, UNEDUCATED ASSES. NOT TO MENTION IT WAS MAKING FUN OF THE BIRD THEME ALL THE VIGILANTES HER AGE SEEM TO HAVE. (1/14)

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane why would you do that you knew he was going to do this

ScareCrane: Joker just broke out so Arkham is boring… needed to entertain myself somehow

TheBetterCanary: fuck you im not visiting this weekend

OliverQueenOfficial: Wow do I regret asking. I didn’t need all this family drama in my comments.

TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm enemies to lovers 180k with me

Yummmmmm: I hate you

TheBetterCanary: and so it begins

TheBetterCanary: gonna lace a cross with kryptonite i think that would be so funny

TheBetterCanary: the christians would so cancel superman if he had to shy away from a cross

Yummmmmm: Isn’t he already canceled because he’s Jewish

Supes: Please stop reminding them.

TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm stop hacking into my twitter to unblock nightwing he keeps liking my tweets hating on him *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: you guys think youre so funny *liked by Daylightwing*

Gothamlite: Red Robin and Nightwing really said I will hack Canary’s twitter but not to figure out her location, no we must mildly inconvenience her by unblocking Nightwing.

TheBetterCanary: to be fair the unblocking nightwing thing is far more annoying to me *Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: motherfucker

TheBetterCanary: where are you guys @/ScareCrane @/RiddleMeThis

ScareCrane: Arkham…

TheBetterCanary: leave i want to talk to you

RiddleMeThis: We can’t just leave.

TheBetterCanary: yeah you can all you gotta do is get out

RiddleMeThis: It’s not that easy for us.

TheBetterCanary: oh right

TheBetterCanary: want me to help you guys out

ScareCrane: Yes please

ArkhamStaffHateClub: and, in today’s news, the day canary is spotted walking into arkham is the same day there was a breakout

TheBetterCanary: i have no clue why they even let me in anymore

Gothamlite: @/GCPDNews @/Batman7 @/Oracle @/Yummmmmm

TheBetterCanary: hey youre nineteen right

Gothamlite: Yes?

TheBetterCanary: fair game

TheBetterCanary: tim drake 🤝 red robin throwing coffee cups in random trash cans so their families don't know how much they’re drinking

Yummmmmm: Snitch

ScareCrane: Well, if nothing else, giving Canary therapy has been interesting…

SpoilerAlert: did you learn anything

ScareCrane: I confirmed that she’s a pathological liar…

TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne give me a hundred million dollars and ill stop doing crime

BrucieWayne: Done.

TheBetterCanary: i take it back five hundred million

BrucieWayne: Sure.

TheBetterCanary: a billion

BrucieWayne: Alright.

TheBetterCanary: what the fuck

NightwingsAss9384: does anyone know why nightwing and canary hate each other?

ScareCrane: She stabbed Batman once on accident and somehow got away with blaming it on him

Daylightwing: She refuses to let B adopt her.

RiddleMeThis: They think it’s funny when their stans fight.

SignalOfficial: They said ‘I’m the only flippy bitch allowed in New Jersey’ and have been fighting ever since

Yummmmmm: He has to or else Robin will get jealous because he’s the only stabby sibling allowed

Oracle: They’re fighting over who gets to change their name to ‘The Dodo’ first.

DeadHood: Nightwing is jealous that Canary was the first one of us to think to have a full-on bird mask.

TheBetterCanary: every time i go into the batfam tag to try and avoid them all i see is his fancams

SpoilerAlert: they’re both convinced that they’re the hottest bachelor/bachelorette in gotham

NightwingsAss9384: im beginning to think no ones going to tell me.

BlackBat: :)

RiddleMeThis: I can’t believe Spoiler likes me more than my own daughter.

SpoilerAlert: i just think you’re better than cluemaster was, i don’t like you

ScareCrane: To be fair he didnt say you had to like him… just that you liked him more than Canary

ScareCrane: Anyways, what did you do @/TheBetterCanary

TheBetterCanary: hes just being dramatic because i solved one of his riddles too quickly

RiddleMeThis: IT IS COMMON ETIQUETTE TO LET SOMEONE FINISH TALKING BEFORE YOU ANSWER THEM.

TheBetterCanary: beat the shit out of a joker stan today so i think my life is going pretty good

SpoilerAlert: 👨🦯👨🦯

Daylightwing: As You Should.

Oracle: Oh dear, seems like I’ve gone blind now, too.

Batman7: As long as no one died...

DeadHood: Not as good as beating the shit out of the real thing, but still pretty good.

BlackBat: :D

TheOneTrueRobin: Good for her.

TheBetterCanary: we all know that there is a tier list of rogue stans

TheBetterCanary: like poison ivy and mr freeze stans are all just leftists that want a healthy world and for people to not die because theyre poor

TheBetterCanary: harley quinn stans want her to achieve personal growth and thats respectable i guess

TheBetterCanary: then theres my stans and thats just because half of them arent even aware im a villain they just think im some influencer thats very committed to a bit and the other half are just horny which is fair i guess

TheBetterCanary: then theres every other stan right

TheBetterCanary: and of course at the bottom are joker stans because theyre nazis

Joker: WHAT

TheBetterCanary: did you not know

Joker: GIVE ME A MINUTE

TheBetterCanary: wait no dm me where you are i want to punch a couple of them too

BlackGatePrison: We have made this account to kindly ask Canary to stop helping Yakuza members break out of prison.

TheBetterCanary: no their restaurants make good food

TheBetterCanary: in case you were wondering rogues do in fact reuse a lot of their speeches

TheBetterCanary: especially @/RiddleMeThis he reuses the same like five riddles over and over again

RiddleMeThis: Why would you expose your own father like this?

TheBetterCanary: im sick of those riddles get new ones you unoriginal fuck

TheBetterCanary: you just lost the game

RiddleMeThis: FUCK YOU.

Supes: Why are Rogues… like that?

TheBetterCanary: mental illness

Supes: I see.

GotHam: Does anyone know Canary’s tragic backstory?

TheBetterCanary: i met a parisian once

DeadHood: Know what? I think she should be allowed to commit crimes. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

TheBetterCanary: thanks for offering support during these trying times

TheBetterCanary: friendly reminder that i can and have benched batman so fucking with me is a bad idea

RiddleMeThis: Bullshit.

TheBetterCanary: meet me at the park ill prove it

TheBetterCanary: @/Batman7 get the stick out of your ass and get over here itll be fun

GothamGazette: Canary can, in fact, bench Batman. See the attached article for how they discovered this fact and how their respective friends and family reacted.

TheBetterCanary: calling him the riddler implies that there are other riddlers that are less important therefore it is stupid and i refuse to say the the part aloud

RiddleMeThis: Someone got onto you about your grammar again, didn’t they?

TheBetterCanary: you dont get to be condescending until you win against the bats even once

RedRobinsCape: red robin gives off so much Bi Wife Energy it’s insane

Yummmmmm: What do you mean bi wife energy, Red Robin IS bi

TheOneTrueRobin: This is not your private account.

Yummmmmm: Fuck

GothamTimes: We are pleased to announce that Robin has officially come out as bisexual!

Yummmmmm: Hate to tell you this @/GothamTimes but you forgot part of my name

TheOneTrueRobin: No. I stole the bisexuality from you when you became Red Robin.

TheBetterCanary: hold up guys maybe they just think that all of the robins are bi

DeadHood: Being bi is actually a little-known prerequisite for being Robin.

SpoilerAlert: roBIn

Daylightwing: @/TheBetterCanary Youre bi right?

TheBetterCanary: all these years avoiding being adopted by batman and its my sexuality that screwed me over

TheBetterCanary: why go to a professional doctor who spent years getting their degree when you can get fixed up by a guy named brett in his mothers garage

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary If you could do one crime without consequences what would you do

TheBetterCanary: i do that anyways

TheBetterCanary: but also id beat up the guy who came up with trickle down economics

Yummmmmm: Ronald Reagan is already dead

TheBetterCanary: i could be digging up corpses to beat them up in my spare time you dont know me

GothamGazette: And, for the fourth year in a row, Canary has been nominated as the city’s favorite Rogue! See the attached article for the other rankings.

TheBetterCanary: further proof that im the hottest rogue in gotham

DeadHood: Bullshit.

Catwomnyan: Not at all.

PoisonIvy: No❤️

RiddleMeThis: I never should have helped her. I used to win every year and this is the thanks I get.

Penguin: Don’t feel bad, I’m pretty sure she rigs it

TheBetterCanary: please if i rigged it id set it up so i would win by exactly one point

ScareCrane: Someone’s just mad that they got last place

Penguin: I got placed lower than Joker, of course I’m mad

TheBetterCanary: its because youre boring hope that helps

TheBetterCanary: just saw catwoman make out with batman to get out of jail so here is my formal application to be red robins fuck buddy

Yummmmmm: Why me

TheBetterCanary: all the other bats around my age are way out of my league so youre my last resort

SpoilerAlert: ouch™ sucks to suck red

BlackBat: XD

SignalOfficial: I mean… she’s not wrong

Yummmmmm: You’re all dead to me

TheBetterCanary: one day robin will get a cat and name it batcat and it will completely ruin the batfamily ship and pet tags

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…

TheBetterCanary: everyone thinks i know things because im smart but a lot of the time people just accidentally tell me things

TheBetterCanary: the reason i found out about the league was that one of their members saw i was asian and just assumed i was one of them and no one realized i was just some random person until like three weeks in

BernieDowd: the league?

TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it

TheBetterCanary: wait youre that conspiracy theorist actually do worry about it i would love to know what you think im talking about

SpoilerAlert: canary totally has a knife kink

TheBetterCanary: what the fuck

SpoilerAlert: why else would you use knives almost exclusively

TheBetterCanary: because theyre quiet

TheBetterCanary: and stabby

SpoilerAlert: you’re so right i’m so sorry

GothamGazette: Riddler and Canary’s vendetta against escape rooms! See the attached photo and article!

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane look mom were on tv

ScareCrane: Very proud of you sweetie

MetropolisIsOverrated: Did I just watch canary and riddler use a police car like it was a fucking CAB??

RiddleMeThis: You missed the perfect opportunity for an 'ACAB' joke.

SignalOfficial: Damn it… can’t believe you’re out of custody already

TheBetterCanary: bold of you to assume we were ever in custody

TimDrakeWayne: Sometimes I wonder whether I’ve seen Canary at cosplay shops before and just not recognized her

TheBetterCanary: it isnt cosplay its acting

TimDrakeWayne: And where do you get your costumes

TheBetterCanary: alright everyone socialist uprising time its time to eat the rich especially this guy

TimDrakeWayne: Please don’t, I probably don’t taste good

TheBetterCanary: watching a furry get beat up like damn but its kinda his fault for going out in a fursuit

TheBetterCanary: i cant believe this is what im getting cancelled over and not the millions of times i helped out villains

TheBetterCanary: oh so now everyone cares about the villain thing wow i see how it is

TheBetterCanary: im a gothamite this is literally a joke about all the fursuits that the vigilantes and rogues have i dont care about actual furries damn

TheBetterCanary: twitter unverified me over this im going to commit a murder

TheBetterCanary: going to start calling villains i dont like by the wrong name to annoy them

TheBetterCanary: called penguin a cuckoo and he really acted like i was stigmatizing mental illness like bitch i am mental illness

TheBetterCanary: okay apparently blockbuster really misses disco he just burst into tears in front of me what do i do

TheBetterCanary: called joker jack and he freaked and tried to shoot me

TheBetterCanary: i have given up calling them the wrong names

TheBetterCanary: hey @/RiddleMeThis and @/ScareCrane marry each other and claim me as a dependant

ScareCrane: I mean… sure but why

TheBetterCanary: tax benefits

RiddleMeThis: You’re so right. Meet me in an hour.

Yummmmmm: I hate to be a buzzkill but, if you’re going to commit marriage fraud, maybe don’t announce it on a public platform

TheBetterCanary: maybe dont be a snitch and mind your own business damn

Yummmmmm: Your job is literally being a snitch and not minding your own business

TheBetterCanary: yeah but when i do it its in the cool sexy way

TheBetterCanary: props to the guy that tried to pull an updog on me the other day he definitely had some guts

TheOneTrueRobin: What is “updog”?

TheBetterCanary: oh honey i am so sorry

SpoilerAlert: nothing whats up with you

Daylightwing: Nothing wbu?

Oracle: Are we going to pretend that Canary didn’t definitely harvest organs from that guy?

SignalOfficial: Nothing much whats up with you

TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin hey i need help with a math problem can you come here

TheOneTrueRobin: I suppose so.

TheOneTrueRobin: She was setting up a sniper gun.

TheBetterCanary: to be fair theres angles involved

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin You didn’t help her, correct?

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin?

GothamGazette: Joker gets shot in the hand!

Batman7: Well, at least she didn’t kill anyone, I guess.

Joker: THERE IS A FUCKING HOLE IN MY PALM.

TheBetterCanary: i was aiming for your middle finger if that makes you feel any better

Joker: YKNOW IT REALLY FUCKING DOESNT.

SignalOfficial: Holy shit @/TheBetterCanary do you seriously have a Nokia

TheBetterCanary: fuck off im tired of my phones breaking while i fight

TheBetterCanary: or better yet donate to a gofundme to get me a better phone

TheBetterCanary: the quickest way to my heart is through someone elses

Batman7: Please stop encouraging people to commit murder.

TheBetterCanary: no

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary Stop pulling the racism card at every minor inconvenience challenge

TheBetterCanary: is this sexism that i am experiencing

TheBetterCanary: do i sense a bit of homophobia here

TheBetterCanary: look at this ableist bitch

SignalOfficial: Honestly @/Yummmmmm you played yourself here

SpoilerAlert: gee bill how come your mom lets you have four minorities

TheBetterCanary: ive got a punchcard and if i collect five minorities i get one get out of jail free card

Oracle: @/TheBetterCanary Wait. Ableism?

TheBetterCanary: what about me screams mentally stable to you

TheBetterCanary: penguin feels homophobic but you didnt hear it from me

RiddleMeThis: He isn’t. Trust me.

TheBetterCanary: hey what does this mean

TheBetterCanary: ed

TheBetterCanary: ed pick up the fucking phone

TheBetterCanary: this is now a riddler hate account

RiddleMeThis: I was 30! And mentally ill!

TheBetterCanary: as if you arent mentally ill now

TheBetterCanary: anyways @/ScareCrane congrats on winning youve got adoption rights

ScareCrane: As happy as I am… what happened

RiddleMeThis: She found out I dated Penguin fifteen years ago.

TheBetterCanary: im never forgiving you for this

TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis did you just throw a burlap sack full of money at my window

RiddleMeThis: Depends. Is it working?

TheBetterCanary: ooooo nonsequential serial numbers my favorite

TheBetterCanary: yeah youre back in the game

ScareCrane: DAMN IT

TheBetterCanary: ugh why is riddler so annoying

Gothamlite: Right?

TheBetterCanary: the fuck did you just say ill kill you

TheBetterCanary: reading self insert fanfiction about yourself is self care actually

TheBetterCanary: im thirsting over black bat on my first page glad to see they nailed my characterization

TheBetterCanary: how did they manage to find the one trauma i dont actually have like dude you were standing five feet in front of the target and you shot straight up what

TheBetterCanary: kissed a mirror to simulate kissing myself and let me say im not as good a kisser as i was in the fic

TheBetterCanary: if im screwing me is it masturbation or clone fucking

TheBetterCanary: theyre moving in together after three months its always great to see good lesbian representation

TheBetterCanary: im taking myself on a shopping spree and honestly good for me

TheBetterCanary: haha wait a minute why are there death flags

TheBetterCanary: i missed major character death in the tags hlep

Yummmmmm: Rip

SpoilerAlert: happy two year anniversary to the time canary and red robin dressed up as each other for halloween and almost ruined each other’s reputation in opposite ways

TheBetterCanary: im still offended you guys think that im secretly a good person

Yummmmmm: At least they don’t think you’d turn evil at the drop of a hat

DeadHood: To be fair, out of every Rogue and Vigilante, you two are the most likely to switch sides.

TheBetterCanary: fucks that supposed to mean

Yummmmmm: Go back to angsting over Percy Jackson not being as good as it used to be or something fuck you

TheBetterCanary: harry potter and the audacity of this bitch

Yummmmmm: As if you aren’t so in the middle that most people don’t know which side you’re on half the time

TheBetterCanary: you literally died and came back dont you talk about switching sides

SpoilerAlert: @/TheBetterCanary how did you get verified

TheBetterCanary: threats

SpoilerAlert: oh cool thanks for the tip

Batman7: @/TheBetterCanary Did any of my children visit your home last night for medical assistance?

TheBetterCanary: transfer me five thousand and ill tell you

Batman7: Done.

TheBetterCanary: nice

TheBetterCanary: anyways the answer is no they did not

TheBetterCanary: ew nightwing is in town for thanksgiving *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis do you still have that red wig or no

RiddleMeThis: You are not convincing me to try and seduce Nightwing.

GothamGazette: Nightwing spotted getting decked by what was obviously Riddler in a red wig! See the attached article for pictures!

Daylightwing: I mean. It wasn’t THAT obvious.

Yummmmmm: Gotta love when all of your POC friends gang up on you try and get you to say the word

Daylightwing: What word? I don’t know any words.

TheBetterCanary: cmon red answer the question we wont tell anyone

TheOneTrueRobin: We know you want to say it.

SignalOfficial: It’s fun I’ll even say it first if it makes you feel better

Yummmmmm: @/BlackBat Help

BlackBat: @/Daylightwing @/TheBetterCanary @/TheOneTrueRobin @/SignalOfficial

TheBetterCanary: scatter

TheBetterCanary: sometimes i remember that theres probably a huge database where the bats keep track of and analyze every tweet we rogues make and it makes me smile

TheBetterCanary: anyways

TheBetterCanary: contrary to popular opinion there is a difference between being a slut and having a lot of sex

TheBetterCanary: nightwing is a slut that is relatively monogamous *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: batman has ungodly amounts of sex in the worst places imaginable but no one would ever call him a slut

TheBetterCanary: thank you for coming to my ted talk

TheBetterCanary: we rogues and bats need a token straight so the straights dont get mad so who is gonna take the fall for us

Yummmmmm: They can have Joker, we don’t want him

TheBetterCanary: nah i dont want to know who he would fixate on if he liked women so someone else

RiddleMeThis: The straights can have Penguin.

TheBetterCanary: no i dont want him to have straight privilege

SignalOfficial: I’ll take one for the team

TheBetterCanary: this is why youre the best

RiddleMeThis: Has anyone ever wondered why @/ScareCrane hasn’t used a truth serum to figure out Batman’s identity yet? Because there’s a reason.

ScareCrane: I don’t deserve this…

RiddleMeThis: @/TheBetterCanary Do you want to do the honors of telling the public or should I?

TheBetterCanary: hahahaha oh right i remember that let me

TheBetterCanary: while it compels people to tell the truth it doesnt force them to tell them the answer

TheBetterCanary: so batman just ranted about his most recent hyperfixation for five hours until red robin showed up to help

SpoilerAlert: what was he hyperfixated on at the time lmao

ScareCrane: Sprinklers…

Yummmmmm: They were practically begging me to take them to Arkham by the end

Batman7: You three didn’t like the conversation we had?

BlackBat: @/RiddleMeThis @/ScareCrane @/TheBetterCanary

RiddleMeThis: It was very enlightening.

ScareCrane: It was actually very enjoyable

TheBetterCanary: ive always wanted to know about sprinklers

BlackBat: :)

MarryMeCanary: So since Canary knows a lot about shipping… do you guys think she has a tumblr?

TheBetterCanary: everyone should be glad i dont the only thing keeping me from going absolutely feral is the fact that i dont want to get banned on twitter

TheBetterCanary: every year i say this is the last year that im going to help my fellow rogues file their taxes for extra cash and every year im a liar please pay me money

User44555511552: Are we going to talk about how Rogues are literal SERIAL KILLERS but they still file taxes??? Because that shit is weird???

TheBetterCanary: there are two things that rogues fear

TheBetterCanary: the irs and the goon union

TheBetterCanary: yes i know they should have called it the goonion its not my fault they cant name things damn stop spamming me

User44555511552: But WHY are you scared of the IRS???

Yummmmmm: Because they can’t get off with insanity pleas so, hypothetically, they might actually have to face some kind of punishment for their crimes

TheBetterCanary: i should have called the cps on @/Batman7 when i had the chance

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary What did you do to piss of Ra’s

TheBetterCanary: who

TheBetterCanary: oh wait youre talking about old man number two

Yummmmmm: Nevermind I think I figured it out

TheOneTrueRobin: Old man number two?

TheBetterCanary: he and one other guy are both way over three hundred which makes them old men and i met him second therefore hes number two

TheBetterCanary: tell him that if he wants to be old man number one then he can always kill the guy

TheOneTrueRobin: I highly doubt that it is the numbering that has irritated him.

TheOneTrueRobin: I stand corrected. He wishes for a name.

TheBetterCanary: check your dms it should be between the video of the dog wearing booties for the first time and the picture of the pig in a teapot

TheOneTrueRobin: I have located it. That is a very generic name, and likely an alias, but thank you.

BernieDowd: @/TheBetterCanary what do you think about people that think that the Waynes are the bats?

TheBetterCanary: honestly every argument is super flimsy

BernieDowd: what about the bruises on the Wayne men?

TheBetterCanary: have you seen the kinds of women that theyre into

TheBetterCanary: if they arent into some shit id release my actual name to the public

TheBetterCanary: lmao the wayne legal team is trying to sue me for slander

TheBetterCanary: its not slander if its true babes

TheBetterCanary: @/DeadHood always gets credit for being the most committed to the bit because he wears a second mask under his helmet but @/Janus manages to find every set of twins in gotham for every job without fail so really i think hes the most devoted rogue

RiddleMeThis: I’m starting to believe that the only reason @/TheBetterCanary is still alive is that she has so much sheer audacity that no one knows how to react.

ScareCrane: She looked Batman dead in the eye during a lecture and said “And what’re you going to do if I do it again? Kill me? Didn’t think so”... so, yeah, that’s probably it

Yummmmmm: The first time I tried to fight her she asked if I had taken pole dancing lessons in preparation for using my bo

Catwomnyan: She helped me rob a store at gunpoint and then revealed to me that the gun she was using was just a prop because she had forgotten the real one at home

DeadHood: I stopped genuinely trying to catch her when I watched her give a guy sunglasses, say “You’re going to need this!”, and then light his house on fire. I asked what he did to deserve it. Apparently, he “booped her nose”.

PoisonIvy: She chugged an entire glass of poisoned wine and then asked penguin how he managed to get his hands on it because it tasted really good ❤️

Janus: She got called into court for a civil suit. I offered to be her lawyer. She refused because she had apparently been in Mock Trial in high school. She said she had failed the course, and hardly remembered anything, but was prepared to wing it. She managed to win the case.

Batman7: She once provided me with an itemized list as to why she should be allowed to commit murder. Items 1-57 and 59-101 were all “I’m hot”. Item 58 was simply “Joker”.

Penguin: Canary says she’s not a bitch but if someone paid her ten dollars I bet she would bark like a dog

TheBetterCanary: when have i ever said im not a bitch

TheBetterCanary: i want money so im now taking sponsors

Yummmmmm: That’s not going to work, no one wants to sponsor a rogue

TheBetterCanary: youre right

TheBetterCanary: im now taking antisponsors where i promote your competitors so they look bad

Daylightwing: Preeeeeetty sure thats illegal

TheBetterCanary: i will ponder the legality and morality of what i am doing over a refreshing can of doctor pepper

TheBetterCanary: nightwing is the type of guy to make pancakes with the scrambled egg method and then cry when it doesnt work

Daylightwing: Get out of my safehouse

TheBetterCanary: hey @/ScareCrane can i vent to you

ScareCrane: Of course

ScareCrane: The motherfucker came out of the vents

TheBetterCanary: i literally warned you

TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary and @/SignalOfficial, please refrain from calling my mother a “MILF” from now on.

SignalOfficial: We only speak the truth

TheBetterCanary: tell her to stop being a milf if youre so concerned about it

TheOneTrueRobin: Canary is a lot less threatening when she dramatically whips out a contract, only to give herself a papercut and then cry for five whole minutes.

TheBetterCanary: fuck you youre paying extra

TheBetterCanary: i know im the number one nightwing hater and all *Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: but i can respect someone who regularly butchers the english language

Daylightwing: It is very dumb.

TheBetterCanary: the fact that it exists is a hate crime against me personally

SpoilerAlert: not what a hate crime is

TheBetterCanary: oh yeah white girl tell me all about hate crimes id love to hear your take

SpoilerAlert: on second thought you’re good

TheBetterCanary: thats what i fucking thought

SignalOfficial: @/TheBetterCanary What is this shit are you fucking serious oh my god

TheBetterCanary: youre going to have to be more specific than that but im going to go off on a limb here and say probably not

SignalOfficial: Why is there a bird in Scarecrow’s cell

TheBetterCanary: oh that

SignalOfficial: Don’t “oh that” me what the fuck is this

TheBetterCanary: do i really have to spell it out for you

TheBetterCanary: thats not just any type of bird its a crane and it turns out the local zookeepers have a pretty dark sense of humor

SignalOfficial: Fuck

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…

Batman7: No.

TheOneTrueRobin: Where is your Christmas spirit?

Batman7: You are Muslim. I am Jewish.

TheBetterCanary: aw @/TheOneTrueRobin if you join my side ill let you keep the bird

TheOneTrueRobin: I will consider the offer and get back to you within five to six business days.

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin Fine. You can keep Jonathan the Crane, but he is not allowed in the cave.

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 I agree to your terms. @/TheBetterCanary I regret to inform you that I must decline your offer.

TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin happy holidays kid dont say i never do anything for you

Batman7: Damn it.

TheBetterCanary: best idea for a prank is to give your enemies a completely normal shirt for christmas and watch them suffer as they try to figure out what you did to it

Penguin: Maybe don’t post your plans on a public platform

TheBetterCanary: that shirt looks great on you

TheBetterCanary: part two of the prank is to say that its fine in front of them so they put it on to spite you and then get chicken pox

TheBetterCanary: sometimes i forget how starved shippers are for content and then i see someone shipping me with robin because i didnt kill him when i could have and im like oh yeah right

GothamGazette: DNA found on a headless body in Park Row confuses scientists!

SpoilerAlert: no head *breaks skateboard*

Batman7: Someone is dead.

TheBetterCanary: it was a skateboard breaking of mourning

France24: Hawkmoth was just found dead in his cell!

TheRealLadybug: @/ChatonNoir told you ed would follow through you owe me a dollar

ChatonNoir: Wild

ChatonNoir: Wait when did he kill him we just saw him yesterday

TheRealLadybug: how about we chalk it up to the power of love hahaha

TheLadyBlog: LADYBUG YOU’RE ALIVE?!

TheRealLadybug: nah it turns out that hell has really good wifi

TheBetterCanary: @/Penguin youre not a girlboss youre a boyemployee

SignalOfficial: @/Staff I am begging you guys to just ban her already

Batman: okay my fellow gothamites were going to have a purge kind of situation in a couple of days to see if it actually reduces crime throughout the rest of the year feel free to commit crimes none of us bats will arrest you i promise

Batman7: Canary. Please stop. I said I was sorry.

Batman: shut up youre probably balding

Yummmmmm: What did he do

Batman: got me banned so now i have to use this account

Yummmmmm: I’ll unban you

Batman: okay but im not taking back the tweets

TheBetterCanary: i hate trying on new clothes the stuff i like never fits

TheBetterCanary: im too short to be a slut

BlackBat: :(

User223584125153: Fatherless behavior

TheBetterCanary: yknow i was gonna give a proper response but then i realized i dont have to

TheBetterCanary: @/Scarecrane @/RiddleMeThis get his ass

Daylightwing: @/Batman7

TheBetterCanary: i resent that but also @/Batman7 beat him uppppp

TheBetterCanary: nightwing fightwing for whats rightwing *Liked by Daylightwing*

Daylightwing: Feel the need to clarify that just because I Liked this doesn’t mean I liked it.

TheBetterCanary: go crywing

TheBetterCanary: i live in constant shame that nothing i ever say will ever be as funny as two face when he called bruce wayne a dumb slut on live tv

TheBetterCanary: it looks like some dumbass has decided to kidnap alfred pennyworth so its time to take bets

RiddleMeThis: Oh! $50 says Pennyworth kills them!

TheBetterCanary: cheap and lame but fine

Yummmmmm: Seven hundred says we’ll get there in time

TheBetterCanary: lmao alright

Catwomnyan: Exactly 180 on Bruce Wayne finally snapping and going on a rampage.

TheBetterCanary: nice nice id pay to see that

Penguin: The Wayne luck is going to kick in and he’s going to get out without even trying

TheBetterCanary: fuck you you arent allowed to play

TheBetterCanary: wait how much are you betting

Penguin: 1k

TheBetterCanary: welcome to the game

DeadHood: 15 cents says I’ll get to them first and put a bullet in their head.

TheBetterCanary: and i thought ed was cheap but whatever good luck with that

TheBetterCanary: huh

TheBetterCanary: it seems that there was a secret other option where the dumbass apparently follows me and decided to let alfred go

ScareCrane: So… who wins then

TheBetterCanary: me pay up bitches

TheBetterCanary: if one more person asks what my body count is i swear they will be added to the number

TheBetterCanary: im bored im gonna start gaslighting people about things they already know now

TheBetterCanary: like what are people gonna do if i say im chinese after all these years i can just pull the racism card if they disagree this plan is foolproof

Daylightwing: But you ARE chinese.

TheBetterCanary: of course i am we all know this

Supes: I don’t see why Batman has such a hard time defeating the Rogues. Most of them don’t even have powers.

TheBetterCanary: yes we do

Supes: You do? What are they?

TheBetterCanary: being annoying

RiddleMeThis: Being annoying.

ScareCrane: Being annoying

Janus: Being annoying.

Joker: BEING ANNOYING

PoisonIvy: Being annoying 💖

Batman7: @/PoisonIvy You literally have powers.

Catwomnyan: Being annoying.

TheBetterCanary: people ask me how im so relaxed around rogues and vigilantes all the time and i just gotta say

TheBetterCanary: first of all bold of you to assume im ever relaxed

TheBetterCanary: second of all all these bitches are like one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown i aint scared of them

SpoilerAlert: true 😔

ScareCrane: True…

Yummmmmm: True

Penguin: Hate to agree with Canary, but true

Penguin: What the fuck

Penguin: @/TheBetterCanary did you really just attack me outside an ice cream shop to try and make me drop my ice cream cone

TheBetterCanary: wasnt me but i wish it was that sounds hilarious

Penguin: Bullshit, I saw your face

TheBetterCanary: i dont know what to tell you man maybe youve been thinking about me too much and hallucinated me or something

TheBetterCanary: i already said in the discord server that im stuck inside for the foreseeable future you dumb bitch

DeadHood: Wait a minute… the server is still active? I thought you guys said that you were deleting it because it was compromised…

PoisonIvy: 😬

JuliusDay: there’s a discord server? why am i not on it?

TheBetterCanary: its to make sure we dont get caught up in each others attacks no one is scared of you

JuliusDay: i’d still like to know when your attacks will be…

TheBetterCanary: lol

FiendlyFyre: Why am I not on it?

TheBetterCanary: you were dead until like a week ago let me add you back

MadAsAHatter: And me

TheBetterCanary: no

TheBetterCanary: and for the record @/Tweedlesdeeanddum you arent getting in either no one likes you wonderland bitches

Tweedlesdeeanddum: we didn’t even do anything

TheBetterCanary: fuck you

TheBetterCanary: i fell for the mark oh my god im a cliche fuck

SignalOfficial: TALON????

TheBetterCanary: yeah the bird mask really does something for me

TheBetterCanary: dumbass

TheBetterCanary: my legal team has asked me yet again to tell you guys that nothing i say here is serious and should not be used in a court of law

Yummmmmm: You have a legal team

TheBetterCanary: not really but sometimes ill tweet something incriminating and two face will break into one of my safehouses and yell at the camera

RiddleMeThis: I see we have competition @/Scarecrane.

ScareCrane: … I see… a temporary truce, then

Janus: Please. I don’t want her.

RiddleMeThis: Why not? She’s awesome.

ScareCrane: You’d be lucky to have the right to adopt her

Janus: Somehow I think I’ve made this worse for myself.

Janus: @/TheBetterCanary Help me.

TheBetterCanary: no this is peak entertainment

Yummmmmm: Canary is sick, I will ask her to impart some wisdom upon us

TheBetterCanary: nif e

DeadHood: She has spoken.

Yummmmmm: Sickness update – Canary is currently very loudly complaining about how red hair isn’t really red so I think she’ll live

TheBetterCanary: thought red robin was decent until he told me he thought nightwing and oracle are the best nightwing ship

Yummmmmm: They’re a classic

TheBetterCanary: so was slavery bitch nightwing is way cuter with starfire

Daylightwing: Do I get a say in this?

TheBetterCanary: no fuck off

Yummmmmm: Yeah this ain’t about you

Daylightwing: It literally is?

TheBetterCanary: batman and bruce wayne should date so they can combine their hoards of kids

BernieDowd: bold of you to assume that bruce isn’t already batman’s sugar daddy.

TheBetterCanary: youre so right i am so sorry

TheBetterCanary: that super relatable moment when you have to dismantle a system that has benefited you for years

BlackBat: :(

TheBetterCanary: at least i get to put calendar man to shame on one of his favorite days

BlackBat: :D

Batman7: What are you planning to do and how?

TheBetterCanary: like id tell you youd just stop me

SpoilerAlert: ten bucks says she’s gonna do a murder

SignalOfficial: Man, I just finished my shift, too

TheBetterCanary: Hey guys Im not actually Canary but shes letting me borrow her account to make a fun little announcement anonymously

TheBetterCanary: Ive compiled a list of every Court member in Gotham that @/TheBetterCanary @/107kidsncounting and I knew about along with all of the proof we could gather over a month long period

TheBetterCanary: Here you go shorturl.at/hMW27 enjoy the hitlist everyone

107kidsncounting: im going to kill you i didnt spend hours finding proof for you fuckers just to get fucking rickrolled in fucking 2022

TheBetterCanary: Okay okay sorry mom lmao here’s the actual link shorturl.at/BKOR1

Gothamlite: This feels like a trap. Why would Canary hurt the Court when she benefits from corrupt systems?

TheBetterCanary: well you see the thing is i enjoy this thing called being alive

TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary, @/RiddleMeThis, @/ScareCrane, and their other evil friend are all laughing maniacally. They will not stop. It has been ten minutes.

107kidsncounting: try hitting one of them

TheOneTrueRobin: They’re laughing harder now.

107kidsncounting: yea lol

TheOneTrueRobin: I should have read the username.

107kidsncounting: probably lmao tell the kids i say hi

TheOneTrueRobin: Fine.

TheOneTrueRobin: They told me to tell you “👍”.

TheBetterCanary: hey idiot where are you

TheBetterCanary: I got stabbed lol

TheBetterCanary: oh lol

ScareCrane: This is not a lol matter you two

TheBetterCanary: Lol

TheBetterCanary: lol

TheBetterCanary: also i knew you were still using my account get off you bitch

TheBetterCanary: nothing is more painful when you send your friend a meme and they tell you theyve already seen it

DeadHood: You kicked me in the dick less than five hours ago.

TheBetterCanary: it’s what it’s

Daylightwing: The one time you use proper grammar and its for THIS.

SignalOfficial: You are a menace to society

DeadHood: Sometimes I think about grabbing Canary by the ankles and flipping her upside down to see how many knives fall out of her clothes.

TheBetterCanary: you could just ask

DeadHood: Would you lie?

TheBetterCanary: i mean sure but youd get further away from the knives you want to know about so badly quicker if youre not actively touching me when i get them out

TheBetterCanary: out of gotham for the first time in ages and i hate it it feels weird where is the crime

SpoilerAlert: be the change you want to see in the world

TheBetterCanary: youre so right bestie

TheBetterCanary: alright who snitched to superman

Supes: I thought you were kidding about the cross thing.

TheBetterCanary: i sent a lois lane x superman fic to clark kent as an april fools joke and he was super sweet about it and said i had talent as a writer so mr kent if you see this im sorry

TheBetterCanary: in this thread i will give absolute proof that the bats and the waynes are the same

TheBetterCanary: bruce and batman both have an ungodly amount of kids like bruce even managed to find another kid despite all of the orphanages getting bombed this year thats some devotion

TheBetterCanary: richard and nightwing are both traitors that moved to bludhaven enough said

*Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: barbara gordon is oracle because they both scare me

TheBetterCanary: i will not joke about the death of jason todd his passing was a tragedy that still affects gotham to this day

TheBetterCanary: tason jodd however is totally red hood i mean who else could be that dorito shaped

TheBetterCanary: cassandra and black bat could both beat my ass and i would thank them

TheBetterCanary: timothy and red robin both have a sickly victorian boy vibe to them

TheBetterCanary: stephanie and spoiler both appreciate riddler and i can appreciate that

TheBetterCanary: duke and signal are both the token and the best of all of their families

TheBetterCanary: damian and robin both have way too many fucking pets like they could work together and form a zoo and i dont think anything would even be missing

TheBetterCanary: honorary mention to the butts match of course

TheBetterCanary: fuck i forgot that it was eds turn to cook

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane please bring some mcdonalds home please

RiddleMeThis: When I found you, you regularly went dumpster diving for food.

TheBetterCanary: doesnt mean i dont have standards

RiddleMeThis: @/ScareCrane Remember when @/TheBetterCanary heard someone yell about how “she has a strap!” and complained about how they shouldn’t “have that stuff out in public”, only to turn around and realize it was a gun?

TheBetterCanary: im still not sorry for implying your food is worse than literal trash

Canaryfanclub: please i just want her to date me

TheBetterCanary: sorry i dont know if my boyfriend would like that

Canaryfanclub: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND??????

TheBetterCanary: unfortunately his swagless charm has captivated me

TheBetterCanary: fuck the stupid fucking bats infected me with their even stupider fucking morals oh my god

DeadHood: Weak. I’ve been resisting for years. It took you, what, a couple of months around them to fall for their morals?

TheBetterCanary: im going to blow up your base

DeadHood: In Minecraft or in real life?

DeadHood: Fuck. It was Minecraft.

DeadHood: I spent hours making that mansion!

TheBetterCanary: trust me i know

TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne i have your kids

BrucieWayne: What do you want for them?

TheBetterCanary: donate half a billion to arkham reforms

BrucieWayne: Oh no. I have no choice but to meet her demands.

TheBetterCanary: vigilantes dont want you to know this but muscles actually dont constantly look like that unless youre constantly flexing and they definitely dont show through layers of kevlar

TheBetterCanary: which means that they choose to have abs on their costumes

TheBetterCanary: i can hear the fangirls crying from here

TheBetterCanary: lol

Yummmmmm: Oh god what did you do

TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it

Batman7: Where is Joker?

TheBetterCanary: he tripped and fell into a pocket dimension and i cant get him out but dont worry i got him one of those gerbil water feeders and some chips so hell live

Batman7: That doesn’t sound like an accident.

TheBetterCanary: never said it was one

~~~~~

(Back to Canary Masterlist)

#canary #maribat #timari #timinette #shutterbug #timmari #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #tim drake #red robin #someone on discord jokingly said i had no sense of humor #and to prove it i took it seriously #so enjoy a funny social media au ig #its come out earlier than one might have expected #but to be fair i didnt expect this to come out yet either #this is 6969 words #it was an accident #but i love it

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carewyncromwell · 2 years ago

Photo

Charlie 🤝 Carewyn

Requested by Anon

Whenever Charlie Weasley came home to the U.K., his mother Molly would frequently insist that he stay at the Burrow. On those occasions when Charlie wasn’t able to spend more than a night, or when the Weasleys didn’t have room for him for whatever reason, he always made plans to stay at Carewyn’s flat. Such was the case one night in 1998, not long after the Second Wizarding War had come to an end. Carewyn’s new ward Erik had just started his first year at Hogwarts, and Charlie had swept through England briefly as a favor to his friend and fellow dragonologist Felix Rosier, who now had immediate family awaiting their trial in front of the Wizengamot. As fate would have it, Carewyn was the prosecutor, so Charlie used the excuse of dropping off the paperwork to her to spend time with his “unofficial twin.”

“Didn’t read much of it, but I gather it’s some kind of written testimony, on behalf of his younger siblings,” said Charlie. “And well...as much as I hate those two, and as much as I reckon Felix hates everything they’ve done too, I can’t blame him for wanting to defend them.”

Carewyn sighed. As strained as the Rosier family’s relationships were thanks to Mrs. Rosier’s toxic parenting, she’d guessed Felix would want to offer some defense for Emmett and Boudicca.

“How is Felix?” she asked, as she moved to place Felix’s letter in a neat stack on top of her desk. “I heard he was with you at the Battle of Hogwarts, but...”

Her eyes darkened noticeably.

“...well, there was so much else going on...”

The faces of Fred, Tonks, Lupin, and Snape all swam through Carewyn’s mind, making her heart throb in ice-cold, numbing pain.

Charlie’s eyes had lost a lot of their light too.

“...Yeah. Felix led the rest of us, while I headed for the castle. I had planned to come back, but...well, afterwards, Felix said he completely understood why. Considering what happened to...”

The second eldest Weasley couldn’t say his younger brother’s name aloud. It was like “Fred” was an unpleasant acid that burned his throat, making him choke before he could properly form the letters.

Carewyn turned away from her desk so she could sweep back over to Charlie, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and holding him tight. Charlie buried his face in Carewyn’s shoulder, his hand securing itself in her shorter hair.

“I shoulda been there, Carey,” he muttered.

“Don’t say that,” Carewyn murmured.

“I shoulda been there to protect him,” Charlie said more fiercely. “I’m his big brother -- I should’ve made sure nothing happened to -- ”

“You don’t think Percy and Bill don’t feel the exact same way?” Carewyn tried to scold him, but her voice came out just as pained and grieving herself.

Charlie clenched his teeth. His freckled hand was shaking in her hair.

Carewyn’s eyes grew a little smaller as she squeezed him that bit tighter.

“...I know you feel like you could’ve done more, Charlie,” she whispered, “and I know what that feels like -- you know I do...”

She brought a hand up to trail along the back of his head.

“I’ve felt that way ever since Rowan’s death,” she said in a voice so soft it was a mere shadow against his ear. “And I feel it again, every single time I fail anybody I’ve become even the slightest attached to. Any time they suffer, or die, and I could’ve protected them and their family from that pain.”

She trailed a hand along his ponytail.

“I’ll never know the grief you’re going through -- I know I never could. But...you’re not alone in feeling that guilt...of wishing you were there, to save him. ...I hope you know that.”

Charlie gave a loud sniff. Then his voice came out oddly amused.

“...Talbott always did say you hold yourself to an impossible standard.”

Despite the humor, Carewyn could hear the tears choking his voice. She steadied her hand on the back of his head, almost cradling it. He clung to the back of her shirt and the two rocked back and forth together, as if each of them was trying to comfort the other the way a parent soothes a crying child.

“He looked up to you, you know,” Charlie said lowly, with a bittersweet smile. “Even though he always joked...I know he did. Him and George.”

Carewyn smiled sadly too through her tears. “And you know how much he and George loved and respected you. Merlin...they only joined the Circle of Khanna at all because of you and Bill...”

Charlie’s own eyes were flooding with tears too as his smile spread to a grin. “Heh...right. Pretty much refused to be kept out, once they found out what we were up to..."

The two “Fireballs” stood together in Carewyn’s sitting room for a while, just hugging and quietly crying. Finally they broke apart just enough to settle down on Carewyn’s couch, where they sat together for a while longer, Charlie resting his head on Carewyn’s shoulder and Carewyn resting her head on top of Charlie’s, while also wordlessly summoning them some cups of coffee from the kitchen.

“Are you worried about him?” Charlie asked abruptly, after a moment.

Carewyn glanced down at him on her shoulder, frowning in slight confusion.

“Your new kid -- Erik,” supplied Charlie. “He’ll be at Hogwarts now, and...well, Hogwarts wasn’t safe before all this...”

Carewyn relaxed slightly. She angled her face a bit so that it rested in Charlie’s hair.

“I know,” she said lowly. “But Minerva’s Headmistress now. If there’s anyone who’s capable enough to protect the most vulnerable students, it’s her.”

“I’ll never get over how you’re on a first-name basis with my old Head of House,” Charlie said with a cheeky grin. “I mean, that woman was like my aunt -- if my aunt wasn’t gossip-happy Aunt Muriel --”

“Well, you’re the one who hit it off with my ex-Prefect,” Carewyn shot back in return. “You don’t think that’s a bit surreal for me?”

“Hey, Felix is a good bloke, once you learn to avoid his spikes,” Charlie said amusedly.

“And once he gets over comparing you to your ‘delinquent’ brother,” Carewyn said very coolly. “Or perhaps that’s just me.”

Charlie laughed. As his laughter slowed, his brown eyes flitted up to his “twin’s” head on top of his with a bit of fondness.

“I’m serious, though -- I’m glad I met him. It’s not every day you find someone else who’s more interested in chasing dragons than the physical assets of the Preserve’s newest recruits,” he added with a roll of his eyes.

Carewyn smiled slightly too. “I know what you mean.”

It baffles me how disheartened Mrs. Weasley is, that I still haven’t ‘found a nice person’ to settle down and start a family with...as if one needs to marry and bear children to find completion in life...

Charlie’s expression softened further as he closed his eyes.

“That’s what I love about you, Carey,” he said with a big grin. “The fact that you know.”

Carewyn smiled a bit more fully herself as she wrapped her arm around Charlie’s shoulders and gave him a sideways hug.

Yes, perhaps Bill and Carewyn were best friends and had more personality traits in common -- but Charlie and Carewyn were still kindred spirits in their own way, focusing on their dreams and on protecting their loved ones far more than pursuing any romantic prospects. And even when Carewyn did find a romantic partner herself, she and Charlie still shared that independent spark that made them just as happy to be on their own, doing what they loved most in the world.

Friendship Drabble Prompt!

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #friendship drabbles #charlie weasley #carewyn cromwell #fred weasley #george weasley #percy weasley #bill weasley #molly weasley #talbott winger #felix rosier #minerva mcgonagall #erik apollo #my writing

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