#wow this girl turns 18 in a month and her whole school life sucked?

[my-arlington-academia]

Story Time! (AKA my school trip from a few days ago)

I'm not sure if it's gonna be interesting to anyone but I'm going to post it here anyway 😂

Big warning, it's kinda long and it sounds like the plot of a bad movie for teens but bear it with me

Okay so, about 2 weeks ago something unpleasant happend

It was after school and I was with my friends, we were walking down a street and we saw 2 guys from our school running on the road with a bag, then they threw it in the middle of it so no car would be able to pass (context: I live in a small European town so the roads here are super narrow, there is no way to get around an obstacle if it's in the middle of the road.)

So what happens next is that those 2 morons run away for some reason and a car arrives. My friends pay no attention to the situation but I, being the angel that I am *ahem*, I take the bag and put it on the side of the road so the driver doesn't have to get out of his car and do it himself.

But then, instead of waving his hand to say "thanks" or something, the guy gets out of the car looking all angry, pushes me against a wall then calls me an imbecile. Turns out the driver was a student in my school and the bag was his. (context: it had rained during the the day so when he saw me with his bag in my hands and that I put it on the side of the road, which was of course super dirty, he probably thought that I was the one who not only stole his bag but threw it on the ground.)

Aaaanyway. So, obviously I was really confused and surprised because I didn't expect that reaction AT ALL. Since I had figured that the driver must probably be a parent picking up their kid from school or something (it may be a little more common for Americans to start driving when they're 16-18 years old since the roads are really broad and straight but it's not the case in Europe. Teenagers who drive are really rare so it didn't really cross my mind that the driver was a guy of my age.)

Then, thankfully nothing bad happened. One of my friends immediately jumped in and yelled at him while trying to explain that it wasn't me and I was just trying to help.

He didn't really get it since all of us were really stressed out about the situation I'm guessing our explanation wasn't clear, as for him he was probably still angry and convinced that we were trying to make fun of him or something. We quickly walked away and those 2 morons from the beginning came running back seeing that there was a misunderstanding. From there onward I'm guessing that those 2 were his friends trying to pull a prank on him and they explained the situation to him.

However we had already walked away, not wanting to have anything to do with this anymore. My friends were really angry and frustrated much more than I was. They looked like they were about to cry and one of them told me that she was scared that he might hit me.

Fast forward to a few days ago.

We were on a school trip and that guy and his friends ended up in the same group as us. I was honestly really nervous and anytime we were close I would try to go farther away from him. At that point I was thinking that he had probably already forgotten about that day/ he had forgotten what my face looked like. Or at least I hoped he did.

But then, at the end of the first day of our school trip we were going to watch a movie with the whole group (around 40 people plus the teachers) and of course it wasn't at a movie theatre, the teachers had brought a projector and were having some technical difficulties with the sound so it was taking a while to set it all up. My friends and I were seated at the other side of the room in order to be the farthest away from that guy. Though honestly, I was regularly shooting glances at him because I was really anxious.

I'm not sure if he had noticed that or not, but at one point, when everyone was getting sick of waiting for the movie and the teachers were still trying to solve the problem, that guy got up and walked towards me, at first he got down on one knee and he was like "hey uh, you know that time from 2 weeks ago? Well, I understood what you were trying to do only afterward"

Then he got on both of his knees

"Not sure if you remember me, but I'm the guy with the bag. I'm sorry, really sorry that I got angry for nothing."

Then HE FUCKING PUTS HIS FOREHEAD ON THE GROUND I KID YOU NOT. I could not make this shit up even if I wanted to 😂

Not to mention that, may I remind you, we were in front of 38 other students and teachers, well the teachers were too busy having a hard time with the speakers but anYWAY.

He even tried to grab my legs to show how sorry he was but like the cliche timid introvert I am I really didn't want to make this into a scene and have everyone misunderstand what was happening so I just kept telling him "it's okay!! It's fine!!!! Stop IT!! STOP!!! DON'T GRAB MY FEET!! I forgive you!!"

After the movie my friends were still angry at the guy and they even told me that I forgave him too easily, one of my friends said "If I were you I would've told him to lick my foot" they honestly couldn't understand why I was so forgiving.

Well, it was only the first day of our trip so the guy didn't want things to be awkward throughout the whole thing and that's most probably why he had apologized.

The next day though, in the bus when we were going to get out he got on his knees again. I asked him to stop so he got up and he was like "Hey your name is (...) right?"

I don't really use social media so my friend asked him how he knows and he jokingly said that he knows everything, though he probably just asked some other people in the group what my name was.

At noon the same day we ate in a restaurant and that guy and his friends sat next to us at the table. When we finished eating, my friend pulled out her Uno and the guy immediately asked us if he could join (context: whenever we had free time during the trip my friends and I would constantly play Uno)

Then we all played together and... kinda became friends I guess?? He would jokingly get angry at my friends when they pulled a +4 or a +2 on me and when they used the "skip turn" card he would use the "reverse card" to give me back my turn.

Afterward my friends admitted that he was a fun guy and as for him, whenever we crossed paths he called us the "Uno squad"

And when it was lunch time he would always sit next to us to play Uno again 😂

Long story short: we made up with the guy who got angry at me and he ended up being a pretty chill dude

[aetheternity]

Stripper levi ackerman

Y/n and levi have been dating for a few months now. While he was working you were in the crowd amongst many women watching your boyfriend. So y/n decides it would be funny to tease him and wear something y/n knows will get him aroused. So after his shift levi grabs y/n and hurries her to the VIP room and fucks her.

(Ok so I'm super sorry about how long I took to write this but I wanted it to be good and life has just been terrible lately)

18+ content

"Oh.. oh wow." Connie huffed, eyes tracing your curves without a hint of awkwardness. 

"Connie stop staring, Levi will kill you if he finds out.." Jean quickly interjected, sneaking a couple peaks up your thighs himself. 

"I know but.. oh wow.." 

Jean took another quick glance before looking up into your eyes. His own self consciousness hitting him almost immediately. He quickly turned his head around like a fearful child.

"Aww thanks boys." You giggled, not being able to stop yourself from doing a small twirl in your far too small black skirt. Connie's eyes tracing your every movement. "It's ok." She giggled "I mean if you guys like it then Levi hopefully will too." 

Jean took another glance but then shut his eyes and turned back around. "I can't believe you're wearing that.. I mean weren't you scared to walk outside in an outfit like that? Does Levi even notice these kinds of things?"

"I'd notice if it were me.." Connie said with a soft (a little creepy) smile. 

"Shut up, no one asked you." Jean replied 

You snickered at their banter. "Don't worry Jean I'm fine." You replied "Fingers crossed that he loves it." You said with a little bounce. 

You looked over at Connie giving him a little wink which instantly turned him into a flushed mess. Jean rolled his eyes in agitation. Almost aggressive in the way he twisted Connie's head around, forcing him to briskly walk away. 

"Geez Connie calm your boner before you have to go on stage!" Jean practically yelled as he pushed Connie along by his shoulders.  

"I don't have a boner!" Connie replied 

A hearty chuckle came from behind you and you turned just in time to see Eren leaning in the doorway. "That for Levi?" He asked with a little smirk and a gesture of his hand down the expanse of your body. 

"I don't know what you mean." You said with a smile.

Eren rolled his eyes, coming close to give you a small kiss on the cheek. "Normally it's the strippers who wear provocative outfits." He swiftly nodded to the other guys in the room. 

"I felt like spicing up our relationship a little." You shrugged

"You guys have only been dating for a couple months. How is it not still spicy?" Eren set his bag down slipping off his jacket and placing it on the back of his chair. 

You felt your lips twitch up into a smile. It was always hard not to get swept up into conversation with Eren. He'd always been your best friend even when he was just your friend. Not that it ever made sense when you explained it that way to anyone else. But it made sense to you two. 

You'd both gone to the same high school but he'd graduated early and when you guys met again during your first semester you had become instant friends. 

"Oh Eren, you know nothing of love." You grinned from ear to ear. "So is he with you?" 

Eren gave you another soft eye roll as he applied his lip balm. "Parking the car." 

"If it works even half as good on Levi as it did on Connie I think you'll be all set." Jean said, grabbing his water bottle from his table. 

You hummed, readjusting your socks where they stopped on your thigh smoothing out your shirt so that the v-line showed just the right amount of your cleavage. 

It was like the opposite of a surprise party when Levi finally walked into the room. Gym bag in tow and a casual white t-shirt on with the black sweatpants that made you want to get on your knees every time. Levi's face looked scrunched for a couple seconds. His lips pulled into a tight line and his brow furrowed but it all just sort of melted away when he caught the first glimpse of you. 

Not even bothering to hide the lingering gaze over every inch of you. And he didn't have to. You loved every bit of it and he'd known from the start. 

He blinked. Once. Twice. 

Gaze syncing with yours as you came close wrapping your arms around to the nape of his neck. Thumb stretching over his undercut as your other hand sifted through soft black hair giving it a soft little tug. 

You could see his eyes waver a bit as you smiled at him and you hope that little hint of nervousness never left him no matter how long the two of you stayed together. It was far too cute to lose. 

You heard a snicker that you knew without even having to look was Jean. Eren walked past with a quick thumbs up and a smirk before trailing through to go get changed. 

"Hey sweetie, how has your day been?" You asked, hooked on the way Levi stayed transfixed. His hands curving over your sides then around your waist to properly embrace your hug and the kiss to his cheek. You could almost swear you heard a little growl too. 

The little whispers behind you were hard to ignore but you pushed into his chest a little further, squeezing one hand around his bicep before you leaned back. Taking your warmth with you. 

"What are you wearing?" He asked, no  demanded. 

His face stayed completely undeterred but his gaze continued to wash over every bit of you that he could see. Stripping you down for every thin layer of clothing hugging your body. Virtually making you shiver from his deep stare. 

"What? Do you hate it?" You questioned innocence laced in every word. 

Blink and you would've missed the way his adam's apple bobbed. His darkened grey completely devoid of amusement. Though you could see hints of lust peaking their way forward like the sun after a rainstorm. 

"Well.. I should leave so everyone can change comfortably." You said, pulling yourself from Levi's dangerous observance. 

A quick scoff sounded across the room. "Oh please." Reiner rolled his eyes. "Raise your hand if you're uncomfortable stripping in front of Levi's sexy girlfriend." He stated with a grunt, his arms crossed over his broad chest. 

A couple of the guys chuckled, some pretended they didn't hear the question and a few shook their heads as a reply. 

Levi glared daggers into him before turning to you with a slightly softer expression. "I'll see you after my show.." He said with a heavy exhale. 

You could feel his thumb on your thigh and you smiled. "Yes you will." With a soft kiss to his forehead you were heading outside. 

~~~~ 

You'd been on the edge of your seat for a while now. Partially because you were waiting with bated breath for the moment Levi would finally take the stage and partially because you could sense some slightly judgy looks from some of the older women surrounding you. 

Reiner had finally finished his performance or as he was called on stage: The Armored Warrior and you sucked in a breath as the announcement from Erwin came that Levi would be next. 

You threw a glance behind you at one of your best friend Historia. 

She gave you a little eyeroll. "Are you parading around with that 'fuck me' face because Levi hasn't given it up in a while?" 

You returned her playful eye roll. "Can't a gal just wear a short skirt to her boyfriend's workplace?" 

"Not this gal and not this workplace." She replied, setting a clean glass down behind her before quickly moving across the bar to a new customer. 

Just as she did the first beats of Levi's song started and he waltzed out on stage. His feet hit every beat until he paused at the edge of the stage. His knees quickly meeting the ground and turning the crowd into a frenzy. 

He spread his thighs, running a hand down his bare chest. And just as soon the girls were tossing money over his body. It was almost cute how they got so worked up over the body you saw all the time. 

The skull crushingly strong thighs that spread only for you and the perfectly taut ass that you could never stop yourself from smacking. All hitting the floor in front of women who would only see Levi here. 

Never getting quite the same view you got whenever you teasingly worked a hand under his shirt or kissed the sweet spot just behind his ear. 

Thinking about it now made you squeeze your thighs together. Bottom lip curling under your teeth. 

He scooted his body back against the stage, curving his legs up and out till he was in the split tearing the pants he'd been wearing off his body like it was paper before tossing it into the awaiting crowd. Instantly causing a whole new uproar. 

When he inched forward again it was to grab the pole, to hoist himself up off the floor and to do a quick little spin with one foot on the ground while the other helped him whirl around smoothly. 

Fuck he was always so graceful. All of the guys were. And yet every time you'd tried you'd bussed your ass. And he was spinning himself up off the floor in a matter of seconds like it was easy. A sort of grace you would never tire of seeing. The music blasted against your rib cage but Levi's spins were what really made you weak. 

You heard a little giggle behind you but you didn't look away. "Your boyfriend's amazing on the pole." Historia teased, poking your shoulder but your only reply was a nod. 

The smallest remnants of the song seemed to fade when Levi's eyes bored directly into yours. You swore you could see the gentle lifts of the corners of his lips. Felt his warmth as if it was pressed against you like it had been so many times before.

Watched as he circled the pole upside down in a perfect split till he'd touched the ground again and still his eyes never left you. 

The dance had been and always would be for you. His hair was tousled and glistening with sweat when the music stopped. Body glitter completely slick on his skin, making him look as though he might actually be glowing. 

He carefully returned to Earth both feet, flat on the floor. Money piled into just about every crevice of his underwear. And he was still looking at you. He turned and walked off stage while the crowd continued cheering his stage name. 

The announcement for him ended and the next dancer (Eren) was immediately announced. Before you could think about it you were racing backstage. 

You slipped into the backroom almost slamming into Eren as you went. "Oh shit.. sorry." He chuckled after realizing it was you. 

And you didn't have to say a word because he smirked, nodding his head down the hall. "He's in the rainbow room. Told me to tell you to come to him when you came back here." Eren informed 

The soft ooh's and ahh's and chatter of everyone in the room caused a flurry in your already butterfly ridden stomach as you tried to hide your blushing cheeks. 

"Th-thanks Eren." And you quickly turned before anyone else could make it worse. 

You turned a corner trying not to run down the corridor at full speed and when you made it to his door you knocked twice in the special way that only you did when you knocked on Levi's door. 

"Come." He answered almost sternly 

The door squeaked open then shut behind you as you pushed it close with your back. Your blood pooling to your feet when you caught a glimpse of Levi sat on the bright red sofa in the corner of the room. The faint smell of dirty money littering the room more and more with every step. 

Any remaining clothes he'd been wearing were now tossed aside while his hand worked slowly over the shaft and tip of his hard cock. He let out a hitched exhale as he curled his fingers slowly up and down. 

You pushed yourself down onto your knees between his thighs. Your eagerness presenting itself in the way you flicked your tongue forward to wet your lips. The cold hardwood stinging your ankles and feet but you bore it with innocent eyes as you took the reins where Levi's hands had been. 

His thick cock leaked for your mouth. And he sighed deeply as you gave his tip a painstakingly soft couple licks before inching it into your mouth with a deep slurp and curl of your tongue. Lips curving smoothly over the thick appendage. 

He shifted to get a little more comfortable just as you popped your mouth off looking up at him with a faux pout. "You started without me." You whispered up at him giving his cock another loving lap. 

"You wore that napkin around your waist." He grunted in reply. "Seems like karma to me." His voice was almost teasing as his hand reached up to brush away any stray strands of hair from your face before pulling your head a little closer. 

He let out a little hiss of pleasure as every inch of his thick cock pressed itself between your soft lips and slid over your tongue. You shifted your weight to allow him to slide in easier. Fixing your skirt to cover the draft running over your ass. 

One of your hands came up to trace deep circles into the slender skin of his thigh while the other took position at the base of his dick. Rubbing your saliva over his thick cock as a lubricant. Tears were beginning to form in the corners of your eyes with every bob of your head. But it was so worth it to hear a couple of Levi's deep groans. 

And fuck were they gorgeous. Gorgeous like everything else about this man. Your man. 

His abdomen clenched and the hand on your head gripped so tight you were surprised he wasn't touching your scalp yet. Soft whispers of expletives beginning while you eased into a smoother pace. 

You watched the flicker of his eyes in the dim light until the deep grey had completely faded and you could tell he'd shut his eyes. His hips jerked forward and in the shadows you could tell his head had fallen back. 

"I missed that cute face.." You smirked up at him tugging at his cock with quick strokes that had his knees jerking. 

He looked down at you with half lidded eyes. Hair frenzied against his forehead and sheens of sweat glistened as they trailed down his neck. He let out a little moan through gritted teeth from the back of his throat. One that pushed you forward just a little deeper till you gagged. 

His hand had finally let up. Settling for resting atop your head. It was impossible not to notice the way he was coming undone as you squeezed his cock in your throat. 

"Fuck.. f-uck.." He tensed 

His head slipped over the back of the couch but you didn't need to be looking at his face to know his lip was pressed tightly between his teeth. 

Well Historia hadn't been wrong it had been a while. And you were itching to have his dick sliding deep inside you. Have the full view of his face as every inch of him sunk into your pretty cunt. Every bit of it making the wetness between your legs that much worse. 

You repositioned yourself a little so that your free hand could squeeze at his balls. Pumping his dick briskly while your mouth went to work layering marks into the inside of his thigh. 

"Sh-it.. hey!.. did you forget people w-ill see those bites." He panted, pulling you away from his thighs with a loud grunt. "Fuck.." 

"I'd love that." You chirped, splaying your tongue over the underside of his cock. "Let them know you belong to someone." 

"Dumbass.." Even in the dim light the soft color of his cheeks was unmistakable and the heaviness of his breath made all the soreness of your throat dissipate. 

His thigh shook. A breathless moan escaping from between unclenching teeth. Definitely the fucking prettiest noise you'd ever heard. The veins on his cock slowly becoming more prominent as you pressed his tip against the back of your throat. 

"Sh-it.. shit.." He pushed your head up a little so that your eyes could meet his lust filled grey ones. "I'm not gonna cum in your mouth tonight." He huffed 

With an almost forceful yank he had you off the floor. Practically tossing you against the arm of the couch. The soft curve of his thumb etched against your wetness and immediately made you tense where he was groaning into your neck. 

"A fucking g-string huh." He growled 

"Only for you." 

His fingers had electricity sparking over your skin as he pushed a hand up your shirt. His quick kisses making you giggle and shift beneath him. 

"Off." He grunted, thrusting the hem of your shirt up and just as quickly you were slipping it off your shoulders allowing it to fall to the floor. "Why the fuck would you wear this shit to my job?" 

His voice echoed against your soft skin, pulse heavy against his mouth. 

"Wanted to be fucked?" 

"Yes.. so badly." 

He pulled you a little bit closer, slipping your bra straps off your shoulders. Back arching as he roughly kneaded your breasts. 

When he pressed close again it was to nip and curl his tongue over your areola. His breath so hot against your already sweltering skin it could practically melt you. 

"Levi.. please." Your ankles squeezed around his back as his thumb pressed between your lips and inside your taut pussy. 

They could probably hear the gasp you let out on stage. Your toes curling even through such minimalist pleasure. His thumb delved a little slower with a couple easy strokes. Unraveling each whimper, each shake and shiver from you.  

"Oh my god, Levi.." 

"Say it.." He groaned into your ear. Giving the shell a little bite that made you flinch. "Fucking say it." 

"I want every inch of your cock stretching me out Levi. Pl-please." You whimpered 

"Should've started with that." 

When he pressed inside it filled an ache you'd been longing for, for too long. Massaging all your weak spots and curving so easily into your wet cavern. Till he'd bottomed out with a graze of your g-spot. 

Your head fell back as one of Levi's hands came up to rub your stomach then quickly down to flick at your clit. He was never slow when he massaged your clit but he still always knew what he was doing and right now it was an intense euphoria unlike anything else. 

"L-levi.." 

Your shoulders were pressed into the arm of the couch and you whimpered looking into Levi's sparkling grey eyes as he pulled back and slammed inside so hard it jolted your entire body. 

"Want me to slow down?" He asked driving his hips in deeper as if it were a threat. He quickly pressed soft kisses to your ear and you shook your head. 

"No-no.." You gasped, tugging Levi's hips closer. 

"Good girl. Take the whole thing." He hummed 

He spread his legs as far apart as he could, driving his dick in a little harder and a little deeper. His hands shifting first to your ass to give it a squeeze and then to your waist pulling your pretty cunt in with every slam of his hips. 

Your mouth hung open and you arched where your back was against the arm of the couch. The material so rough and uncomfortable under your skin you knew it would leave marks tomorrow but Levi's thrusts felt so good you couldn't care. 

A cacophony of Levi's name, the couch scratching up the hardwood underneath you two and every slap of your mixed skin bounced impressively off the walls only making your urge to cum that much more intense. 

"You know where I'm gonna cum?" Levi's hands jumped up on each side of your head. He groaned. "Know where I'm gonna cum babe?" He sneered, eyes so dark and intense coupled with the sweat pooling on his forehead. He yanked at your skirt which had become thoroughly wrinkled and almost too uncomfortable against flushed skin. 

You let out a whimper, trailing your hands over the small of his back. Eyes fading into the depths of your skull. 

"Y-eah, I'm gonna paint your skirt with my cum.." 

"Wh- L-levi.." Your head was swimming and you let out a long moan that was cut off by Levi driving in deeper, his nails disappearing where they gripped the furniture knuckles white. 

A chant of "cum for me" and "be a good girl and finish." All fell off his lips. His eyes shut tight and you knew at this point you were drawing blood but Levi was so deep inside and your head was practically off the couch as well as your back. 

You tensed up then sighed, toes curling that sweet ache finally being filled. As you jerked and shivered through your intense orgasm. 

Levi's hand slammed down next to your head and now you were shaking for a different reason. "Fuck don't-don't squeeze me l-ike-" 

His hips had a mind of their own and he let out a loud gasp that honestly surprised you. The vein in his forehead looking as though it could pop any second.  

When his pupils disappeared you expected his eyes to fall shut but he just continued his wild assault of your pussy as you screamed his name. 

"Sh-it." He was breathing so hard as he pulled out. Holding on to the couch like it was a lifeline as he pumped roughly at his cock. A couple more moans later and he was finishing. Cum dripping over your bare belly and onto your skirt. 

A breathless giggle crested off your lips as you shimmied your hips back and forth repositioning his cum where it dripped down your stomach. "Fuck." You huffed 

"You look satisfied." He rolled his eyes 

You lifted a finger over his cum swiping a bit up to rub over your lips and tongue. "Don't act like that when you came all over my skirt! I have to go home with your cum stains all over me." You fake pouted 

Levi rolled his eyes again. "You'll live." 

"Levi." 

He finally turned, tongue swiping over his lips quickly. "Actually I'd like to add some more on the back." 

"Wh-" 

"Bend over." 

[giuliafc]

Betrayal -- Epilogue

<< 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 -- 20: Ao3 || FFN (end)

Betrayal Chapter 20 - Epilogue

Written by: JuliaFC

Beta: @itsagrestebug and MyImaginationFlows

Summary: The story comes to an end. Thank you for reading! (810 words)

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by (c) Thomas Astruc, TS1 Bouygues, Disney Channel, Zagtoon, Toei Animation. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Written for the "Snippet July" challenge of the Miraculous Fanworks Discord server @miraculousfanworks AND for LadyNoir July @ladynoirjuly Day 31 — Forevermore/pound it. Let me know what you think!

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Pound it!" called the superheroes as they all moved to bump their fists together.

Ladybug looked at her team. "Thank you so much everyone for your contribution. We wouldn't have succeeded without the intervention of each and every one of you!"

"I haven't helped much," said Thueban Jameel with a little sigh and a pout.

"You're joking right?" asked Ladybug. "If it weren't for you, Volpina would have succeeded in stealing Su-Han's staff. I owe you the safety of my identity, of my family and of all my friends."

Thueban Jameel blushed at the praise. "Thank you, Ladybug. But I couldn't help when my bro was sucked into the vacuum!"

Ladybug put a hand on his shoulder. "You did your best. Pigella and I arrived and attacked the akuma immediately after Chat Noir was sucked in, so it's understandable that you waited to see what would happen. It was actually a very good move. As the Snake, you need to force yourself to take a backseat. And even more so as the Peacock holder."

"Thank you, Ladybug," said Thueban Jameel, lowering his gaze.

As all temporary holders returned their Miraculous to Ladybug after detransforming, Chat Noir watched Pegabug bring Rose back to the Liberty and then come back to the alley they were hiding in to detransform. When Su-Han, Alya, Nino and Adrien met again the bluebell gaze of Marinette, the girl had the Miraculous of the Peacock and of the Turtle in her hand.

"Alya Césaire," she said, looking at her friend with a decisive frown, "this is the Miraculous of the Peacock. It provides the power of bringing emotions to life." She put the brooch in Alya's palm and smiled. "I'm giving it to you permanently; you will use it for the greater good and, one day, return it to me."

Alya gave her a grateful look. "Thank you, Marinette. I'm honoured to don such a prestigious and powerful Miraculous." She pinned the brooch to her white t-shirt, making sure that it would be hidden from the view by her orange shirt. Duusu appeared in a twirl of light.

"Hello, Mlle. Alya, it's a great pleasure to see you again!" said the indigo kwami, circling Alya excitedly and making her giggle.

"Okay, okay little fella. Jump in my pochette—" she opened her small orange side bag, signalling to Duusu to hide inside. "—We'll have a chat later and you'll tell me what you like."

Then, Marinette turned to Nino. "Nino Lahiffe," she said, handing the green bracelet to him, "this is the Miraculous of the Turtle. I'm asking you to become Carapace full time."

Nino's eyes lit up and his smile could have rivalled Adrien's in brightness. "Thank you, Ladybug. It's my honour to accept!" He fist-bumped with the turtle kwami who had appeared in a buzz of light. "And it's nice to have you permanently, little dude. We'll have fun together!"

"You're breaking about a dozen rules, Marinette," came Su-Han's voice from their right. Marinette frowned when she darted her gaze to the older guardian, but her frown disappeared when she noticed the smile on his face. "But I trust you," said the man. "You made unconventional choices in the past, and you've never failed to amaze me."

"Thank you, Master Su-Han."

Time passed, slowly but surely. Lila had left the Collège in a very suspicious haste, which confirmed to Marinette and the team of her involvement with the new Papillon.

Triggered by Ladybug and Chat Noir's suspicions, the Police started an investigation to discover what happened to her, but the cunning fox was too clever and was able to cover her traces very effectively. The only one who really paid the price of Lila's machinations was Jacques Vouche, who ended up being arrested for forging a fake contract between his diner boat company and Prince Ali. He claimed the involvement of Lila Rossi in it, but unfortunately, he was never able to prove it and Lila got away scot free.

As expected, Ladybug's and Chat Noir's testimony cleared Nathalie of all charges; the older woman took on the duty of looking after Adrien as his Legal Guardian, assisted by Gérard 'the Gorilla', until the boy turned 18.

Marinette and the team proceeded on their bumpy road towards adulthood, between akuma attacks getting more vicious and manipulating by the day, and new challenges in life and at school. But with the guidance and the mentorship of Su-Han, Marinette matured into a confident Guardian and a powerful leader.

She didn't know what the future would entail to her, or when and if they would manage to defeat the new Papillon. One thing she knew for sure though: Ladybug and Chat Noir would always be there to protect the citizens of Paris. Whatever the challenge, they would face it together, or die in the attempt.

Together, until the end of time.

Fin

--------------------------------------

Author's Note

That's the END! Yes… T_T even this one is over, i can't believe it I managed to evite a chapter every day for this snippet challenge! I'm super proud, I didn't think I had it in me! Now I'll need to catch up with A LOT of sleep, my coffee will miss me…

Scratch that, I have a few friends' birthdays to think about :DAnd the WIPs that I neglected… AND my beta work…

*ARGH*

Well… I love it anyway ^-^ wouldn't like it in any other way!

I hope you will like this epilogue and leave me a comment, either about the last chapters or about the story as a whole. I can't believe how much love this story has gotten: thank you so much everyone, over 200 comments, wow!

Now in August I'm going to publish a few stories for the birthday of friends (some will be NSFW, so sorry for those of you who still can't read them, there will be other stories for your eyes, worry not!), continue my neglected WIPs, AND try to publish a certain sequel that is way overdue. Sorry guys, unfortunately this challenge overtoom my life for a month!

Thank you all for following me during my mad writing marathon. I love you all!

Until next time, a big massive hug and… bug out!

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 39 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 39

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings:  Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

“Nessa…” (Y/n) whined, laying on Vanessa’s couch. She tossed Vince’s shirt to the floor before laying her head back on the pillow. “I need help.”

“What’s going on?” Vanessa sighed as she said as she picked up the shirt and tossed it in a nearby hamper.

“How long have Nikki and I been seeing each other this second time?” (Y/n) asked her, knowing Vanessa had been keeping track.

“Six months, two weeks, and three day?” she nodded and smiled.

“And what year is it this year?” (Y/n) asked.

“93,” Vanessa sighed as she sat on a nearby chair with her legs tucked under her. “Is he being a sloth?”  

“Let me answer it this way. You wanna know the last time we had sex? 1987!” (Y/n) yelled. “And he was probably still high despite what the hospital gave him!”

“Have you thrown yourself at him?” Vanessa chortled as she took a sip of her wine.

“I have dropped so many hints. I did a romantic dinner the other night. I bought cute underwear and asked him if he wanted to see me in them. And every time we get close to going to bed, he pulls away and we just...go to bed…” (Y/n) sighed.

“I think he’s taking this whole, ‘I’m going to hurt her’ thing to far,” Vanessa sighed. “Ok, how about you just… suck him off while he’s sleeping? See if that’ll get him going?” she shrugged. “I mean honestly he is just…. I don't know anymore.”

“If I don’t get laid soon, I’m gonna go to London.” (Y/n) knew she wouldn’t, but she was just so frustrated. “Like, I know he’s jacking off. I can hear him when I’m in the shower. And he says I’m not quiet…”

“Wait he’s…” Vanessa threw her head back and groaned. “Ok, that is just… WHY?!”

“What do I do Nessa?” (Y/n) asked. “I don’t want to make him do something he doesn’t want to do, but I…” She looked up as Vince walked by.

“Babe, you see my shirt?” Vince asked, looking around. (Y/n) looked over at Vanessa and bit her lip.

“In the hamper,” Vanessa sighed. “I mean you could just tie him naked to the bed?”

“Oh, who are we tying naked to the bed?” Vince asked, flopping in a chair. “Girl talk, I like this.” (Y/n) looked over at Vanessa, trying to stop herself from laughing.

“Vince….OUT!” Vanessa pointed to the room.

“But...why does Mick get to have girl talk but not me? I mean, we can talk, do our makeup, naked pillow fights. It’s fun!” Vince ducked as (Y/n) and Vanessa threw a pillow at him.

“It’s because he doesn’t say shit like that!” Vanessa groaned and laughed. “Besides, his advice is better!”  

“Hey, I have some good ideas. Remember that thing we did last night?” Vince told her. (Y/n) sighed and threw her head back dramatically. She didn’t want a reminder that everyone else was having sex but her.

“Yeah, but that’s not going to work in this situation babe,” Vanessa shook her head and looked at (Y/n). “Ok, I mean the only other option I got is you take his face in your hands squeeze his head and stare him in the eye’s. You then say ‘if you don’t fuck me soon I’m walking out that door!’ that should light a fire under his ass.”  

“But...I don’t want him to spiral or anything.” (Y/n) sighed. “Maybe I could become a nun. Think they’d like someone with a pentagram on her hip?”

“Yeah that’s a big fat no, and the worst he could do is say no to sex if it means you stay with him,” Vanessa took a sip and sighed. “I mean… so far he’s been pretty good.”

“I just feel so….ah!” She yelled out.

“I have a suggestion! The three of us go up to the bedroom…” Vince called from the kitchen.

“SHUT UP VINCE!” (Y/n) and Vanessa called out together.

“Damn. No wonder I don’t want to be in girl talk.” He grumbled.

*************

“Mick…. I went back into sloth mode!” Nikki sighed in the studio.

“Are you kidding me?” Mick sighed. “I thought we were getting into sleepy house cat territory!”

“I…I want to fuck her I do but…” Nikki groaned. “I feel like if I do, I’m going to ruin her.”

“Are you...Nikki, you realize what you’re doing?” Mick asked. “By denying her this, she’s gonna start thinking you don’t find her attractive or something. And do you want her to end up back in the arms of that Poison bastard?” Mick sighed. “I mean, he did write the number 1 hit of 1988 about her.”

Nikki sat up straight and banked his head on the soundboard, “I’m an ass.” he got up and ran his hand across his face. “Ok… Ok… I’ll grab some take out on the way home, candles, roses and just go from there… that’s romantic right?”

“Nikki, she’s not a virgin anymore. I think she’d be okay with you just doing her anywhere.” Mick shrugged. “She’s that desperate, the romance won’t matter, but you do you sir.”

“I should get going, maybe I can get home before her… I just… Mick… I don’t want to relapse here,” Nikki shook his head.

“Tell me why you think you’ll relapse.” Mick said. “We can work it out.”

“I’m scared that, if I make one wrong move, just one…” Nikki took a deep breath. “It’s just going to spiral man.”

“I...Nikki, she could’ve been a big shot in London. She could’ve stayed in New York. But she came back here for you. She wants to be here. So I don’t think adding sex to the equation is going to change anything.”

Nikki let Mick’s words sink in and he nodded. “Thanks Mick,” he got up and gave the guitarist a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll see ya tomorrow.” Nikki grabbed his keys and made his way out the door.

“Make sure she can walk tomorrow!” Mick called out. “And don’t forget to come get your squirrel badge!”

*********

Driving home Nikki found himself smiling at the thought of feeling (Y/n) again. It had been years since he really been with anyone. Parking the car, he grabbed his bass from the trunk and made his way inside.

“(Y/n), you home?” he called out. Ziggy ran to him from his favorite spot in the house almost sliding towards him.

“Kitchen!” She called out to him. She turned to look at him as he walked in. She decided to just put it out there in his face. So she was wearing her cute underwear and nothing else.

Nikki walked into the kitchen and froze, “wow.” He slowly walked towards her and smiled, “special occasion?”  

“I...well…” She sighed. “Nikki, I need you. Really bad.” She walked to him.

Nikki took her in his arms lifting her up and kissing her deeply as he made his way up the stairs to his room. Placing her on the bed he broke the kiss to strip down to his underwear. Crawling back on top of her he captured her lips once again and let his hands roam her body.  

“Nikki…” (Y/n) moaned, arching into his touch. His hand brushed near her mound and he could already feel how soaked her panties were. “Please baby.”

“Don’t have to ask twice,” he muttered against her skin as he pulled off her underwear before stripping his own off. “Straight to it?”  

“We have time for foreplay later. I need you now.” She told him.

Nikki lined himself up above her. He  kissed her before gently teasing her. Nikki was about to push into her when the doorbell rang and various knocks echoed throughout the house.

“What the fuck?” Nikki growled.

“Maybe if we ignore it, it will go away?” (Y/n) asked, but the knocks and ringing continued. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She sighed. “Why now?”

“Because, the universe wants to see me suffer?” Nikki muttered against her skin. He sighed and put on his boxers and grabbed his robe. “I’ll go see who it is.”

“Hurry back please.” (Y/n) whined. She had been so ready for him. She sighed happily just thinking about it when his voice called her.

"Umm…(Y/n)...I might need you down here," his voice sounded both annoyed and full of pity.  

With a groan she grabbed a robe and tired it tightly around herself. When she made it halfway down the stairs she placed her hand on her head.

"Oh my god." she groaned. "what are you doing here?"

"Hey! There is my baby sister!" Tommy stumbled on his way to the stairs. "You look happy… I'm glad…" he said sadly and started to groan. "I messed up."

"With me or Heather?" (Y/n) asked.

“Both,” Tommy snorted and sat on the steps. “I… I cheated on her… I think… and… I don’t know,” he swayed back and forth as Ziggy sat in front of him tilting his head. “Your dog is weird.”

“Tommy… man… what do you need?” Nikki looked at (Y/n) and sighed. There goes their perfect night.

"Can I stay here for a bit?" Tommy asked quietly. "I don't trust myself anywhere else."

“We…” Nikki looked to (Y/n). The last thing he wanted was for Tommy to stay here and interrupt them every chance he got. It’s what put a small split in their relationship the first time. “(Y/n)?”

"Not my house." She sighed, glaring a little at Tommy. "I'm going to go get a shower or something." She headed towards the bathroom, slamming the door.

Nikki ran his hand across his face, “come on… you can stay down here in the guest bedroom. I need to go talk to (Y/n).” he helped Tommy get to the bed of the guest bedroom as soon as Tommy’s body hit the bed he was out like a light. Nikki looked at Ziggy who laid down and the floor and whined while his eyes looked up at the stairs. “Yeah, I know…”

Nikki made his way up the steps and to his room. He could hear the shower going. Licking his lips he closed the door to the bedroom locking it and made his way to the shower stripping himself of his robe and boxers. He could hear her moaning and he smirked. He could only imagine what she was doing. He could she her head thrown back and her fingers between her legs. His own cock twitched at the sight. He opened the door to the shower and stepped in.

“You know,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her, “this is a very good idea.” he kissed her shoulder pressing his hardening cock against her lower back.  

"You still want me?" She pressed back against him. "Because I still want you."

“I’ve wanted you since I met you back in ‘82 sweet girl,” he whispered as he turned her around and kissed her. His fingers replaced her as they found her sweet center. He moaned at the feeling of her on his fingers. He curled tham and smirked at the way she withered against him. “God you feel good.”

"Nikki!" (Y/n) moaned. She pressed against his fingers. "Please."

“Fuck,” Nikki breathed as he pushed her up against the wall and entered her. He let out a strangled cry as she sank on him. He thrust into her his hips flush with hers as he let her adjust to him. “God you feel so good, (Y/n).”

"I missed you." She moaned, pressing close to him. "Take me Mr... Mr. Sixx."

“As you wish Ms. Bass,” he said and began thrusting into her. His lips kissing hers as he let his fingers find her clit pressing circles on it.

"Nikki!" (Y/n) moaned, already close. she had been worked up for months.

“Fuck (Y/n) you still feel so good,” NIkki muttered against her lips as he felt himself get close. “Shit I’m so close (Y/n).”

"Cum for me silly boy." (Y/n) gripped onto him. "Fuck!" She came around him.

Nikki groaned as he kissed her spilling into her. His chest heaved and he let her down gently kissing her. “Damn that was hot.” he breathed as he caressed her body. He pressed his forehead against hers. “Should have done this earlier,” he admitted, “I’m sorry.” Nikki caressed her cheek and smiled. “Let’s get clean and then dirty again.”

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk @tommyleeownsme

Motley Crue Tags:  @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva @lesliethegroupie @deacyduck @scarecrowmax

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[tetrakys]

Trois Allumettes - Chapter 7

“What the hell is he doing here?” a menacing voice said from behind my back.

Castiel interrupted the pretty serious conversation I was having with Nathaniel. Damn… maybe this time he would have finally started to open up and tell what was wrong with him. Or probably not. Horrible timing, both of them. I didn’t have time for this now, we were in the middle of the Art department party that I had organised (with the help of Hyun and Nina). Not only the university’s funding was at stake here… my studies and my future career too!

“Are you ok, Candy?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing…”

“Why are you hanging out with my sister? Don’t you have enough groupies to get in the sack with every night? Beat it, and stay away from her.” Now Nath too was raising his voice, what a terrible situation. We were in the café’s kitchen, which wasn’t exactly sound proof. I had to stop this before it escalated any further.

“It’s more like you are the one with that kind of reputation. No, it doesn’t seem like Candy is ok, and I know you, there’s no way I’m leaving her alone with you, you’re going…”

“ENOUGH! Shut up! I’m old enough to know what I’m doing. And I’m tired of your constant, unfounded arguing! I thought we were done with all that once we got out of high school!” I was really mad now.

“High school was over an eternity ago” Castiel replied unimpressed, ”aren’t you tired of bringing it up over and over again?! We didn’t wait around for you to get a life!”

“I know, I get it, the two of you made that clear enough to me since I’ve been back! Now I’m trying to get things back on track. Enough Castiel with that way of talking to me, I’m not a 15-year old girl at one of your concerts.” It was really time to make things clear once and for all. “And you, Nathaniel, come back to see me when you really have things to tell me. I’m fed up with both of you. Tonight this party is important for me and for my studies and there’s no way you’re spoiling it. So shut up or carry on your little conversation somewhere other than here.”

I turned around to leave and found someone else in the room. Lysander was leaning against the wall right next to the exit, arms crossed and a dark expression on his face. He looked coldly at Nath and Castiel and, without saying a word, he took my hand and led me out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind us. Several heads turned but he didn’t stop and led me outside, in the alley close by.  

Once there, we leaned against the wall and spent a few moments in silence. I tried to wrap my head around what just happened.

“Wow… I don’t think I’ve ever been so honest with those two. I’m practically sure they’re not about to talk to me again… But I’m fed up with playing these stupid games. We are adults, geez!”

I took a big breath, closed my ayes and counted to five. My hand was still in his and I slowly felt myself relax. “Thank you.”

“You have no reason to thank me, I did nothing. You were quite capable to defend yourself, I’m sorry I interfered in the end.”

“Well, thank you for taking me here. I needed a moment to cool down.”

“This is an important night for you, nothing and no one should upset you.”

I could tell he was angry himself and I wasn’t totally sure why. The way those two had acted was really inappropriate and I had all the reasons to tell them off, but the way he had looked at Castiel and Nathaniel… and it wasn’t the first time he had acted coldly towards them, also that time on the beach… could it be that… maybe… he was a little jealous? He had asked me if Castiel and I had ever been together. I felt myself blush a little. No… It couldn’t be… he didn’t like me. Did he? Did I want him to like me? Well… I didn’t hate the idea, that was certain. Did I… like him?

“Thank you for inviting me Candy, you did an amazing job.” His thumb caressed the hand he was still holding. “The party is a success and I am sure the department will get several new donors thanks to you.” He gently let my hand go and moved a step away. “I am going to go now. Good night.”

I watched him leave towards the university campus. It wasn’t the right moment to think about all this, the night wasn’t over yet. I turned around and went back to the party.

 ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 It was almost 2am when I left the party. The night wasn’t particularly cold, and I felt like taking a short walk to unwind before going to bed. Instead of walking towards the university I turned in the opposite direction and found myself in front of my old high school. Dear old Sweet Amoris… it had been a while, four whole years. Even though this evening someone had accused me of having never really put it behind me. Was there some truth in those words? Maybe I should find out.

I looked at the empty street, no one was around. Approached the school gates, I started walking around the perimeter. Thanks to having been locked in the building once, I knew very well there was a particular spot were the walls were slightly shorter. I quickly found it exactly where I remembered and weighted my options. I could walk back, go to bed and forget about it, or… I could take a walk down memory lane.

What the hell… I pushed myself and with a calculated jump I landed on the other side of the wall. Wow… those excruciating gym sessions with Kim were finally paying off.

Looking around the area I recognised the gardening club. It was a little different from what I remembered, there were new plants here and there and a tree in the spot where once I had found a box addressed at one of my school-mates. It wasn’t a pretty story, she was being bullied and the box was full of pictures of her semi-naked. School hadn’t been all fun and games.

I walked around the building to the main doors. I pushed without much hope but… they actually opened! What were the odds? I quickly slipped between the doors and closed them at my back, not wanting anyone to notice me from the street. Luckily the place was lighted buy the moonlight coming from the big windows, so it was easy to watch my steps.

Well… this felt strange and familiar at the same time. I walked along the corridor, stopping to look inside a few classrooms here and there. On one side it almost felt like I had never left, everything was exactly how I remembered. On the other… I knew that something was off. I went upstairs to look around the art classroom. Whether I liked it or not I owed a lot to this place. Patrick, the art teacher, had really inspired me.

The classroom was still coloured and messy, just like four years ago. I smiled to myself knowing I had taken the right decision. I was studying what I loved. After the past few stressful weeks, I now finally knew that everything was going to be alright. This school and the people I met here… had been important but were not the reason why now I was happy. Those days had indeed been happy ones yes, but I wasn’t living in the past. I was looking forward to my future. When I was in high school I always felt like I was missing something… I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that I didn’t feel like that anymore.

I was about to leave the room when I heard a voice at my back “I am going to the gym, do you want to come with me?”

What the… I turned around, my heart in my throat. Someone was sitting in the darker corner of the classroom. A boy. He got up and walked towards me.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know someone was here…”

The words died on my tongue when I finally recognised him, the moonlight illuminating his face and those eyes… eyes that by now I knew better than my own.

“Lys…” I said, my voice shaking.

“I have been waiting for you. What took you so long?” he said coming even closer.

Was it really him? Yes, it was Lysander, no doubt about that. But there was something different about him… he was a little shorter and his face slightly rounder and smoother. He looked younger, 17 or 18 years old… exactly what he would have looked like in high school.

“I’m happy you came. This place feels empty without you.” He smiled, a sad smile “I missed you.”

“M-Me to…”

“I would really like to kiss you…”

I was feeling dizzy and apparently didn’t remember how to move or talk, so I simply nodded. With one last step he reduced the distance between us and, taking my hands in his, with a final smouldering look, his lips were on mine. His kiss started slow and sweet and I knew I was finally home. Soon though it became something different, passion and intent mixed up in something I had never felt before. None of the kisses I had given in the past had affected me a fraction of what I was feeling right now.

“Where have you been all this time” I whispered finally coming up for air.

“Right here” said a voice at my back, his arms circling my waist. No surprise, I knew perfectly well who he was. I bent my neck to give him access, and Lysander, the older one, the one I had met on campus just a few months ago, started kissing along the curve of my neck towards my ear. Meanwhile his younger counterpart took again my lips with his.

It was an explosion of sensations. High school Lysander unbuttoned my shirt, while university-Lys pushed it from my shoulders to the ground. I turned around, put my arms around his neck and kissed him with ardour, our tongues caressing each other. Holding my thighs, he pulled me from the ground and I crossed my legs behind his back.

Behind me, younger Lys moved my hair from my back and, with small kisses along my spine, unlocked my bra which I let fall without a second thought. He put his hands on my arms, caressing lightly, sending shivers running through me and, pushing slightly to let my back rest on his shoulder, he took one nipple between his lips.

At the same time, older Lys seemed to have exactly same idea. His tongue made a path along my other breast and a low moan escaped my lips when he sucked it into his mouth.

“Oh my God…” I whispered arching my back, it was too much, my skin was burning and I just needed to…

  “W-what’s… Where am I?”

I got up with a start, in the pitch dark of my room. I looked for the light on my nightstand before finding the light switch.

Was it… a dream?! I was all sweaty. The sheets were damp and I realised that I was burning up, still dressed in my gala outfit, my shoes still on my feet. It was just a dream. My hands still shaking, and I couldn’t calm myself down. I got up immediately to go to the bathroom. It seemed so… real. I was even short of breath still. I ran my hands and face under ice-cold water.  I… Hahaha, was crazy!

I got undressed and ended up opting for a few minutes in an ice-cold shower to calm me down. What got into me… Lysander… two Lysanders? All those comments about me not moving on from high school had really got to me. But it seemed so real… and that young version of Lys felt so familiar. I almost felt like looking through my yearbook to check if he really hadn’t attended Sweet Amoris. But it was crazy, I knew it wasn’t the case, I would have definitely noticed him. Still… I almost felt a little sad at the thought.

I went back to my bed, still in shock from when I woke up. I finally fell back to sleep, after tossing and turning for a while. This time I slept deeply, in a dreamless sleep.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Back to Chapter 6

Go to Chapter 8

[the-little-prophet]

Watershed || Dream Journal

Summary: As his visions grow stronger, Charlie struggles to keep his head above water...sometimes, literally. 

TW: flooding, drowning, blood

Water.

Charlie dreams of water. For weeks now, it rains in his head, so when he closes his eyes, the levels rise and take him. He’s swept away in tsunamis swirling and typhoons sucking him down into the depths of an alien planet that doesn’t look like anything he’s ever seen. And he cannot move.

He tries to swim, to reach with his fingers and tread toward the surface. But where’s the surface? It’s dark in the water. It’s quiet too. For long stretches of his dreams, there’s no disaster, but peace instead. Charlie starts to wonder if he’s dead already, a floating corpse in a watery graveyard.

But then there’s a sucking sound. Like someone has pulled out a drain. The water rushed and draws him forward and he becomes aware of his lack of breath. His throat squeezes, tight, then tighter and tighter.

Every night, Charlie drowns from the inside out, weeping for a mother that never comes.

-

“Wow, Charlie, you’re looking rough, buddy. You feeling alright?”

Charlie starts against the counter of the nurse’s station, knocking his elbow as he tries to sit up. He blinks, his eyes still so heavy, though he wasn’t sleeping this time-- just drifting, his eyes half-lidded and his attention floating off. “Wh-- Dr. Robbins!” Charlie stands up straight. He sniffles once, then regrets it, the way the noise makes Dr. Robbin’s thin lips wrinkle.

She puts his hand against his forehead.

“I’m fine,” Charlie says quickly. “Got my flu shot the other week.”

“Hmm, I dunno. You know the rules, mister,” says Dr. Robbins. “Can’t have you around kids if you’re coming down with the sniffles.”

“I just-- was up late last night.” Drowning, he thinks. “Studying,” he says. “Um, I got, y’know, midterms. Nearly all done though, swear I’m up for pedes. Swear it.” He holds up his hand like he’s a boy scout.

Dr. Robbins rolls her eyes and ruffles Charlie’s already-ruffled hair. “Mm, lets just take your temperature as a precaution, okay buddy? If you’re lucky number 98.6, you can tag along.”

Charlie nods. There’s no arguing even if he wanted to, but he knows it’s not sick. His body’s just exhausted. It’s been exhausted for weeks, months, years, his whole life. And these days, the only thing that keeps him from slipping into a blissful depression-coma is his fear of what waits him there and the thought of Varian, who is tinkering with a makeshift ECT that’ll zap all those dreams of water away.

Just has to make it till then. He pops the thermometer into his mouth, and ten seconds later it beeps with 98.9. But that’s not statistically significant and still under 99. Dr. Robbins considers it one extra second, but they both know more hands at the hospital are always better. Charlie’s fine. Course he’s fine! That’s Charlie Little for you. He smiles and she stashes the thermometer.

“Okay, okay, fine! C’mon, let’s round.” -

Water.

It pounds the side of the dingy boat. Charlie lurches from side to side. The waves crash over him, each one like a hand come to scoop him over into the waves. He barely hangs on. His fingers slip, and slip again, the rope he clings to rubbing raw burns into his palms.

“HEAVE,” shouts the weathered captain, a man Charlie doesn’t know.

Lightning turns the sky white for a blinding second. Behind the clouds, it’s like someone’s turned on a flashlight, then turned it off.

Another crashing wave pours over the deck. Charlie slips as the boat tips-- he slides down, a wild shout pulled from his throat. He slams into the other side and another body, a body he doesn’t know, topples over into the black gaping mouth of the ocean.

That person screams. The thunder drowns him out--

Another wave takes Charlie next. He smashes into ice water and he’s the one drowning. The waves jerk him left, right, upside down. He spirals and spirals and--

--

Dr. Robbins picks up a few interns from the Pride U program and they move like a school of fishes from room to room, kid to kid. Charlie still feels waterlogged in the brain. It’s gotta just be exhaustion though so he sloshes through it. Pedes is one of his favourite rotations, even if it is much slower than the ER. He likes the rooms, full of colour and personalized to each of the kids. There are always drawings plasted to the wall or the door from the little craft hours that happen sometimes, when volunteers come in. And the kids-- even when they’re miserable, sad, and sniffly-- they don’t yap for more blankets or complain about this or that nurse. Mostly they want different jellos and to watch TV or for someone to play with them.

And they like to hold your hand. They squeeze so tight, tears pricking at their eyes when the needle comes or they need a different tube inserted, but they don’t let go. Charlie thinks it’s brave of them-- to ask for a hand, to hold, to never let go.

Most of the beds are full of poor flu victims with complications. They whip through the rooms, then go through oncology, then autoimmune. Charlie stands in the back because he’s shadowing and the questions Dr. Robbins aren’t for him but for the interns rounding. Usually the answers leap to his tongue, but today he’s so tired he finds his attention petering out. His eyes drift from the kids to those drawings to the stuffed dog the little girl holds. His fingers feel kinda cold so he curls them into a fist, rubbing his thumb across his own middle phalanges.

“Charlie? You coming?”

Charlie starts again and sees Dr. Robbins peering back into the room. They’d moved on, he didn’t see--

“Oh, yeah, right, yes, right behind you,” Charlie utters. He jumps into action and whisks past Robbins so she can’t question him again or pull out the thermometer--  

He doesn’t want to be sent home.

He doesn’t want to go to sleep. -

Water. He’s among the coral. Water clear, sky-blue, and tickling gently around him like wind. Swimming, see, feels like flying.

The mermaids fly-- zipping in and out of the coral.

Charlie’s seen this one before. He opens his mouth--

But the shadow comes. The harpoon appears. Blood fills the water, as bright as the coral. It’s all he can see, filling his vision until the water around him is sticky and thick, all blood and some kind of other gelatinous fluid. He sinks deep into it and it rushes into his ears, his nose, his mouth.

Charlie chokes. Somewhere far away, screams try to reach him, screams from a woman he knows, but cannot find the name for.  

--

The interns scatter. Dr. Robbins has assigned them all their patients and duties, which leaves Charlie with his clipboard pressed against his chest. He’s trying much harder now, pinching the inside of his own elbow every time he feels his brain trying to shut down on him. There’s a tiny red mark there, but with his arms folded, no one can tell. Just another secret that Charlie tucks away.

He’s proving he’s on top of it now, ready before Robbins is to hand her the file of her next patient. “It’s Belle Acheron,” he reports. He smiles and is hopeful Robbins will take him again. He thinks there’s a good chance-- pedes is all about building relationships and he’s been lucky to be on the case most of her appointments.

Dr. Robbins flips open the folder. “Ah, so it is! Don’t you just love babies!” she exclaims and scrunches up her nose, then starts walking. It’s implied he should follow, so he does, right there on her heel. “This is the best part,” Dr. Robbins continues. “When the parents are expecting, and they’re so excited and you’re excited-- every appointment is like its very own discovery. What classes are you in again? Have you done a gestational unit yet?”

“Oh, um, not-- not yet. But during my apprenticeship, when I did my weeks in neonatal and pediatrics--”

“Ah yes, that’s right! So I’m sure you know all about the second ultrasound, don’t you?”

She’s prompting him. “Oh-- um, yeah, it’s the anatomical one, usually performed between 18 and 22 weeks and it looks for soft and hard markers of any kind of chromosomal abnormalities--”

“Wow, listen to you! Mr. Textbook!” says Dr. Robbins cheerfully. “Yup, all correct.” She looks down at the chart again, eyes skipping over all the details. Her steps catch and she stops, pulling out one of the sheets. “Ah, right, this is our FMT mum.” Her tone’s switched entirely. She looks back up at Charlie, her brows set in a serious, straight line. “Now you’re sure you’re okay, right, Charlie? This mum’s a bit jumpy, we don’t want to give her any other reasons to worry. Worry is not good for mums or babies.”  

Charlie nods at once. “Yes, I’m fine. Totally sick. I mean-- not sick. I’m not sick.”

Robbins looks at him harder.

“I can just watch,” says Charlie. “Please? I uh, really wanna keep following this case. It’s-- I mean. It’s good experience, and I’m still-- y’know, figuring out if maybe pedes is the track I wanna take...” He knows this line will hook Dr. Robbins and sure enough, her eyes flash.

“You do have a point. Okay-- only because I think you could be a great pedes doctor one day, Mr. Little,” she says and wags her finger again.

They start down the hall again and it’s just two more left turns to the waiting room. They step in and there’s Belle in the gown on the bed, and Hades, this time next to her at the start instead of over in the chair.

“Hey Belle!” says Charlie. He pushes and pushes through his fog. No fog here. He resists the urge to sniffle again and ignores the pull behind his eyes. Seeing the baby will make him feel better, won’t it? Babies always make Charlie feel better. He goes down to the NICU all the time to peer through the window at them whenever he gets so down, his soul heavy like he’s full of rocks. So yeah-- Belle’s baby will pick him right up. He’ll forget all his bad dreams.

Dr. Robbins starts asking questions and Charlie goes to work. He takes Belle’s temperature (normal) and her blood pressure (normal) and scribbles down all the numbers. His vision goes a little woozy, his handwriting wobblier than usual. Ignores it though. Ignores it. Focuses on re-tracing his 2… “Charlie?”

Charlie looks up. Dr. Robbins is staring at him again. Oh-- she said something. He missed it.

He takes a few steps back, not sure if that’s what she wanted.

“The chart, Nurse Little?” Dr. Robbins tosses a smile at Belle. An apology-smile.

Charlie flushes red and he hands her the chart then takes even more steps back. Things are getting farther away from him-- not even in physical distance, but in perspective, like his depth perception has shifted.

His body really wants sleep (Charlie will not go to sleep.)

Robbins moves slow from his vantage point, wheeling over the ultrasound machine. It turns on, and then she squeezes the gel on Belle’s stomach. Words float between all three and Charlie realizes he can’t hear what they’re saying. It’s warped, too quiet under the sucking noise of the ultrasound, like it’s coming from--

Underwater.

Dread gathers, grain by grain. His limbs begin to feel heavy and he knows. He’s never fainted before, but he knows.

“Excuse me--” Charlie blurts. He darts toward the door, shoving it open. He needs to sit down and put his head between his kn--

Charlie faints.  

-

Blood.

Charlie is in two places at once.

stuck, slipping, stuck again / knees slide on a slippery floor. Is it water? Is it blood?

something in his throat? / touching Belle’s shoulder. Sweat on her brow, a slick sheen under dim light

not right, not right, can’t breathe / Belle’s bloody hand smearing red fingerprints on her swollen stomach

drowning again / “Do something!” says Hades. Blood on his hands, hands trembling,

eyes squeezed tight /  reach for Belle again, cool rag against her forehead fingers knotted in fists / Belle’s hands curl against the knotted wood floor and she shouts for help

not safe / not right. Shouldn’t be here. Too much blood.

miss the quiet / Belle screams

the dark / she shivers

the warm deep / need more blankets, need more time.

then mother’s voice--

mother

she speaks

“Something’s wrong.”

-

Charlie gasps awake.

“The baby--” His body jerks and squirms on the ground. His eyes peel open to the hospital lights and two nurses-- one pressing a cold rag against the back of his neck, the other talking at him. “The baby, it’s the baby,” he babbles again. His voice slurs and slips. The nurses pay no mind to it.

“Charlie, can you hear us?”

“What day is it, honey?”

“Charlie, do you know what year it is?”

Something inside him wants to say-- 2007. 1912. 1888. The years swirl in front of him, every one soaked in water. His mouth tastes full of salt and iron. Water, blood. Wait, that is blood in his mouth, isn’t it? He licks at his lip and there it is again.

“Just a little nosebleed, honey, it’s okay.”

“S’her baby,” he tries to say again. “In danger.” Then another shadow moves over him-- Nurse Kala, sticking a thermometer into his mouth again.

“Ah, 101! The fool’s got the flu! You, Charlie Little,” Nurse Kala glares at him daggers, “are going home.”

All Charlie’s warnings disappear, sinking under the sick that churns through him. The nurses help him to his feet and Charlie only manages one woozy look back at Belle’s room before he’s pushed away.

-

For three days, Charlie tosses in his covers, his body a little boat fighting to stay above his sickness. He doesn’t sleep. The fluids rise in him, his nose full of snot and his ears waxy and the air thick as mist. Whenever he closes his eyes, he sees Belle’s face again, soaked in sweat and fear.

He tries to swim to her. He swims and he swims, calling her name, trying to warn her. But whenever he gets close enough, the water takes him again, and he sinks, his little boat lost to the sea.

[i-write-about-anything]

Little Beta(s) Chapter 42

Prompt: Liam get’s turned at an early age and he looks at you as his guardian/parent. Plus you’re dating Scott who’s always trying to look after him. (10 year gap between Liam and reader)

Pairing: Liam Dunbar x Reader (platonic) Scott McCall x Reader, Derek Hale (younger and platonic) x Reader

Chapters:

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20- 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 -25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 37 - 38 - 39 - 40 - 41

Reader’s POV

The boys have been inseparable with Scott. I had expected it from Liam but Derek had found a new kind of bond with Scott and it was something I was happy to see. Scott obviously loved the attention as they only paid attention to me for the longest time. Scott would rub it in my face that Liam was no longer looking for me when something had happened to him and with this pregnancy it made me cry more than it should have. Scott obviously would feel bad and tell Liam to come talk to me but it wasn’t the same. Liam was no longer attached to me like he once was and I knew the reason behind it was because of the baby girl growing inside of me. Derek had been a bit more attached to me than anyone in the house and I was thankful for that because when I felt like I was being left out he’d come and make me feel better. I knew he could smell my sadness which is probably why he would do it but I didn’t care. “Mom!” Derek’s hand waved in front of my face. “Dad said we’re going to go visit his mom, is that true?” He had also been calling Scott dad which made him happy as hell. 

“Yeah, we should be leaving anytime soon, grab a bag, put two sets of clothes in it, we’ll be staying in beacon hills for two days.” I spoke lightly and I sighed knowing beacon hills was no where I wanted to be. 

“Mom have you seen my jacket?” Liam’s loud voice boomed from his shared room and I sighed. 

“It’s in the laundry room, please try not to make a mess this time.” I raised my eyebrows when he past by me and he chuckled. “Have any of you seen Scott? He said he’d be here,” I looked at the time on the stove and sighed. “Thirty minutes ago.” 

“He said he was going to pass by the school and tell them he and Derek won’t be able to make the game on Saturday.” Liam spoke as he walked passed me with his favorite jacket, the same one I had gotten him when he was only eleven. He finally grew into it but it was worn out. 

“Liam, why don’t you take one of the other jackets you have hanging up?” He looked down at his jacket before looking up at me. 

“This is my favorite jacket, you know that.” He looked down at it once again and smiled. The door rattled and Scott walked in. 

“Finally.” Derek spoke. “Should we get everything in the car?” He had his bag in his hands and Scott smiled. 

“Yeah, go ahead, I'm just going to freshen up.” Scott walked to me rubbing his hand on my now very noticeable belly before kissing my lips. “I’m sorry I took so long, they were giving me shit about missing one of the playoff games.” He sighed and I smiled patting his cheek. 

“Don’t worry about it, I'm excited to see everyone back home.” I smiled causing him to smile back. 

“I know, I've missed everyone. My mom is definitely going to be happy to see all of us on her birthday.” His arms wrapped around me and I smiled into his chest. I loved that they’re hadn’t be any drama within these past months and normal was definitely working for all of us. Liam had even made a couple friends. 

“Come on, you guys can be gross another day.” Liam spoke and I laughed kissing Scott’s cheek before letting him go shower. 

_________

A couple hours later we were finally driving into beacon hills. Driving passed everything felt so weird and it felt strange. Nothing had changed but for us nothing would ever be the same. “My mom said everyone turned out for her birthday, we’re the only once missing.” Scott grabbed my hand and I knew he was more than excited to see everyone. It had been a lonely time where we were now living and it sucked to think that everyone we knew was here. 

“Mason’s going to be there right dad?” Liam spoke and all he had been talking about was how excited he was to see his best friend. 

“Yeah buddy, he’s gonna be there, in fact, I'm willing to bet he’s already there.” Scott smiled squeezing my hand when he pulled up to his mom’s driveway. 

“Wow, she invited the whole town.” Derek spoke making us all laugh. 

“Yeah well she does know the entire town.” I spoke and sighed when I opened the door to feel the cold air. Scott had come to my door to help me out of the car and I thanked him. It was getting harder to do simple tasks now that I was as fat as a cow. 

“You ready?” Scott spoke before intertwining hand in mine. 

“As ready as I'll ever be.” I smiled. This was going to be the first time everyone saw us and I was five months pregnant. We walked up to the door and knocked noticing Melissa’s smile as soon as the door opened. 

“Scott!” She wrapped her arms around him crying in the process. It had been so long and I found myself crying too by the time her arms wrapped around me. “Oh it’s so good to see you all.” She smiled at Derek and Liam taking them both into her arms. “You’ve gotten so big, you’re already taller than your mom.” She ruffled Liam’s hair and I groaned not wanting to be reminded of that. “Wow.” She looked down at my stomach and she looked back at me. “May I?” Her eyes were joyful and I smiled.

“It’s your granddaughter, you don’t have to ask.” I smiled and her hands immediately flew to my stomach. 

“I can’t believe this.” She smiled and sniffed before retreating her hands. “Come in, please.” She stepped aside and we all walked in noticing everyone including Lydia who ran straight to my stomach to observe it. 

“Oh my god! You’re so big already!” She smiled rubbing my stomach and I smiled. “Not like you’re fat or anything.” She added and I chuckled. 

“Lydia, it’s fine, I know what you meant.” I smiled and Stiles came right behind her. 

“How’s my niece?” He spoke placing his hand on my stomach. 

“She’s healthy, growing extremely fast.” I sighed looking down at the bump. 

“Is Mason here?” Liam chimed in, he hated talking about the baby, only because that’s all we ever talked about back home. 

“No, I haven’t heard from him today.” Lydia spoke and he sighed. 

“Why don’t you and Derek go eat, yeah?” I smiled at him and he shrugged moving passed the people he didn’t know and greeting the ones he did, Derek doing the same and stopping when he saw Scott’s dad who took him into a choke hold, they had the weirdest relationship and I had only imagined that’s how he would have acted with Scott if he hadn’t left. 

_________

After an hour I could feel my feet throbbing from standing up so I sat on the couch. It had been wonderful seeing everyone and sharing the excitement of this baby but I couldn’t help but notice Liam’s frown on his face. “Liam.” I lightly shouted and he looked at me before walking to me completely worried. 

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Should I get dad?” I smiled and shook my head when I placed a hand on his arm. 

“No, everything is fine honey, what’s wrong with you? You aren’t happy to see everyone?” He sighed and looked down at his hands. 

“I am, I just, I thought I'd see Mason, he’s not answering my calls. I haven’t seen him in months and I thought maybe just maybe I'd see him here tonight.” I knew he missed Mason and I knew even though he had friends over there he still considered Mason as his best friend. 

“Hey, it’s okay, he probably couldn’t come because of his parents, we’ll still be here tomorrow, maybe we can go and see him, how does that sound?” I smiled at him and he shrugged. 

“I guess that’s fine. I just feel like he’s forgetting about me.” I took him into my arms and sighed. “He’s got some new friend now and I'm just here getting no attention what so ever. I feel like I’m fading in his life.” At this point I knew what this was really about. 

“Liam, you do know that’s not true.” I sighed once more and looked at him. “And you also know that you’ll always be my number one, right?” He bit his lip before looking down and picked his head up. “Hey, this baby isn't replacing you, I know this is what it’s all about and I know that’s the reason you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder but honey I love you and you’re going to be just as important as this baby.” He smiled and so did I. “Now we got to talk about this sudden growth. You’re a giant.” He chuckled. 

“Mom I'm sixteen, I'm still not done growing.” I sighed. 

“I know, I know, I just this entire time you’ve been shorter than me and I loved it, now you’re a giraffe and you don’t even look for me anymore, you’re growing and I don’t like it.” I sniffed. “Fuck these fucking hormones.” I giggled wiping my eyes and Liam frowned. 

“Just cause I'm taller than you doesn’t mean I'm done with you mom, I love you, I'll always be grateful for what you’ve done for me.” He smiled. 

“I know, I know. It’s just this baby gets me so emotional over everything.” I sniffed once more before the tears stopped.

 “Yeah I know, you cried over spilled milk, like literally, you cried when you dropped the milk last night.” I laughed and it was true. 

“Hey in my defense it was the last milk we had and I wanted those damn froot loops.” He chuckled and shook his head. 

“Everyone, can I get everyone’s attention?” I heard Scott’s voice and I looked at him standing on a chair. 

“What the hell is your dad doing?” I looked at Liam who shrugged before helping me up from the couch. 

“As many of you know, I am expecting a baby girl in four months.” He smiled when his eyes met mine. “And it hasn’t been easy, we were chased out of our homes and forced to start all over. We’ve taken in two wonderful boys,” He looked at Derek and Liam who were standing next to each other smiled. “Who I consider as my own. We’ve been through hell and back and I couldn’t imagine going through any of this without the love of my life, (y/n) come over here, please.” I looked at Liam and Derek who were smiling as I walked towards Scott. 

“Scott what’s going on?” I looked around as he stepped down from the chair and took my hand. 

“Now, I know this is a big day for my mom, so I did pass this through her.” He smiled and looked at me. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” He started as he kneeled down on one knee. Holy shit. I heard gasps and one of them was mine. “I love you, so much. I couldn’t imagine doing anything without you and I'd be dammed if I ever let you slip away once more. You’ve been there since the beginning of my troubles, you introduced me to Liam who changed both of our lives. You took in another teenager who had several problems and you fixed him. You’re the most wonderful person I have ever met and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He reached his hand towards the two boys we called our sons and Derek gave him a small box. He opened it revealing a beautiful ring and I hadn’t realized I was crying until my tears were dripping from my face. “Will you marry me?” Scott looked at me and I nodded almost immediately. He smiled slipping the ring onto my finger before I took his face in my hands and kissed him. The aww, sniffs, and claps were the only things I heard before I heard Derek and Liam groan. 

______

tags; @leslieandjensen @hirafth @neptuneluek @lydiasbxtch @adellyhatter-blog @nxthing-lasts-fxrever@letmebecomeataboo @cloudchaserr @nerdyowlbookfreak @xcastawayherosx @k-baileyy@scotttstilinskii @therealmrshale @thesuperkpopfan @queen–glitch @my-body-is-not-a-temple@mutifandomgirl @moo0803 @hautedbybieber

[head-full-of-words]

Teach Me: 6/1/18

I should be sleeping and I am slightly tired, but this blog post is something I’ve been thinking about for a few days now. In my last post, I warned you all that this one would be coming. It’s basically where the hurt in my life comes from that brought me here.

When most kids are growing up, they learn some pretty basic life lessons. They learn to always eat all of their broccoli, never eat dessert before dinner, be nice to your little brother(s) and/or sister(s), treat others the way you want to be treated, share your toys, always brush your teeth before bed, and that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 

My life lessons were very different. Don’t tell anyone about this at school, don’t let your father find out what’s been going on, sometimes it’s better to hide things than to tell the truth, don’t play too rough outside because we don’t have insurance, and sometimes when you’re ten, your mother will need to take a break from being a parent, so you and your older brother are forced to make dinner for yourself for about two weeks. 

I am by no means saying I have the hardest life. I have met a lot of people that have been through some really fucked up shit, but I really don’t have any memory of innocence in me. A lot of people had it so much better than I did. 

I can’t sit here and justify hurting people, but I can sit here and explain that sometimes people need to realize what you’ve been through in order to fully understand you or love you.

 At a young age, I was taught that my body belonged to a man, no matter his age, and that your mother may claim she loves you and would do anything for you, but when her relationship is going well, you’ll be the first one she turns her back on. When I told her and she didn’t believe me, oh my God did it hurt so bad. Your mother is supposed to be the one to protect you. She harbored you inside of her for 9-10 months. She fed you, changed you, kept you warm, took care of you on those days you were sick. And yes, my mother did those things, but she also chose a man over her children for more than 10 years. I was told how dumb I was, how stupid I was pretty much every day of my life. Do you know how much it sucks when your “bedroom” is bookshelves and shower curtains in your dining room? And then, you have to change behind those very same curtains in your “bedroom” when the man who tried to molest you is just a few feet away? It’s pretty scary. 

But, I didn’t tell my father either, because I didn’t even trust him to protect me. I told him eventually and the look on his face showed how unphased he was by all of it. Who was I supposed to go to when I didn’t have a mother or a father to run to? I never saw beautiful, true love. Not until my mom met her newest boyfriend, but I was already 17. I had already experienced so much fucked up shit and so many toxic relationships by then. My parents fought constantly even after they broke up. I watched my mom jump to my ex-stepfather and leave me behind. She used to make him lunch in the mornings and I would cry and beg her not to leave, but there she was, running out the door to meet the “love of her life”. I became irrelevant. And then I saw her with my ex-stepfather. He wouldn’t even hold her hand or hug her, but he would talk about other girls he thought were hot or wanted to fuck right there in front of her. She only told him to stop when I was in the room.

She let him walk all over her, all over me, all over our family. And my dad and stepmother are their own versions of fucked up, too. Their appearances matter more than the reality of their lives. They put on masks and lie to everyone around them to make themselves seem normal. But I’ve heard her slap him and I’ve watched her push him away when he tells her she’s beautiful and tries to kiss her. And I also watched him pick her over me and I watched him compare other girls to me. They were smarter, prettier, took more time on their hair, put on more makeup, wore better clothes. I wasn’t enough. 

It’s fucked up and I’ve gone to therapy on two different occasions, and the thing is, my heart is so scarred and torn up by past loves and past relationships that this whole year I’ve been going to counseling, I’ve unraveled approximately one scar ((and that’s my father)) and the rest is to be untouched. The rest of those scars still haunt me. N, J, P, etc etc. 

For once, I want someone to think about my life, about the psychotic episodes I watched my mother have, about the sexual harassment in my household, about my older brother leaving and never looking back, and I want them to think “wow she deserved someone that loved her and wanted her and made her feel special and wanted”. No, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to do my goddamn best from what life has thrown at me. 

Most kids don’t experience parties at 12 and have to watch all of the children because their parents were getting fucked up in the basement. I was exposed to drug deals, molestation, fear, poverty, nudity, alcoholism all at such a young fucking age. And I had no one there to save me. I had to drown before I even started to learn to tread. 

So, yeah, maybe I am kind of fucked up and self-destructive. Maybe I just see the good in people and that’s why I can’t leave, but how come no one ever sees the good in me? I’m not the best, most pure person in the world, but goddamn, I had $32 in my bank account the other day and sent $15 of it to my friend for food because she had less than me. I sit here and I try my best to be a good person, to do the right thing, to make the best decisions, to forgive. So is it so bad that I expect someone to sit here and say “Hey, I’ve got it from here. Let me take care of you for once. I know what you went through and maybe I don’t understand it, but I understand your scars and bruises. Let me heal you”?

No, maybe someone else can’t fix me or save me, but throw me a life vest, throw me a safety net, throw me SOMETHING. Understand that I didn’t have a normal life, that I’ve been hurt by pretty much every single person I’ve loved and/or confided in, and I’m working on myself to be even better than who I am now. Yeah, I’ve hurt people. We’ve all hurt people. But I don’t do it because I’m a sociopath. I never even realize I’m doing it... I hurt people because I get scared, because I get overwhelmed. I’ve gotten close to so many people that have let me down. They have learned me, I have shared my mind, my soul, my deepest darkest secrets, and they’ve all left. Yeah, I’ve got baggage. A lot more baggage than a lot of other people, but for once, please carry half the load for me. For once, realize I didn’t do this to hurt you, I didn’t do that to get even, I just don’t know how to be healthy with someone when I don’t even understand what that means.

Someone teach me. Teach me what it means to be loved unconditionally. Teach me what it means to have a partner and an equal; not someone who gives up when things are too heavy. Teach me what it’s like to be healthy, to be happy, to stay, to not worry about someone leaving because of things I could have never controlled. 

[grapefruitguan-blog]

Serendipity At Sea (OSW)

“All passengers, thank you for boarding the S.S Ferry!” the intercom boomed, “We hope you enjoyed the ride. Please have a safe trip, and come again!”

You stepped out of the creaky boat onto the harbor, where the salty scent of the ocean hit you like a tidal wave. The seagulls flew across the cloudless blue sky, and the hot, bright sun was in its full glory.

You almost forgot what this felt like; this was home.

Your hometown was a sleepy seaside port with a measly population of 500. Right next to the coast line, many cruise ships and tourists would stop by to admire the clear waters and varied species of sea life. Everybody knew each other, and remained as one happy family.

That is, until the storm hit.

You were only ten years old when your father, a fisherman, never returned from his journey. That day, the other men and him were determined to catch lobsters, in which could only be found during the stormy seasons. Because of the difficulty to catch them, the prices for the red crustacean were high. Gearing up in raincoats and hauling nets into their ships, you still remember your dad’s last words to you.

“(Y/N), I’ll be back, okay? Dad is strong. I’ll always be back for you,” he chuckled, ruffling your hair.

He never did. That night, you received the devastating news that your father had drowned along with several others during the storm, as the waves became too rough and the lightning struck their ships. You and your mother had left town to migrate to the city to live with her family.

Now, at the age of eighteen, you decided to come back.

As you stayed in the city, you fell in love with Kwon Hyunbin, an upperclassmen that went to the same school as you. For months, it was everything you had wished for, until you discovered who he really was.

It started with his overprotectiveness. You used to think he cared about you just a little extra, but it changed when he refused to let you have any male friends, and not letting any male get close to you.

“(Y/N),” Hyunbin snarled, “You aren’t allowed to talk to Kenta anymore.”

“What, why? Kenta’s like my best friend, we have science togeth-”

“I said, you can’t talk to him! You’re MY girlfriend, not his.”

He started calling you derogatory names instead of your own, beating you whenever you did something he didn’t like. You’d cake your skin with makeup, desperate to hide all the purple and green marks that stained your skin. As the days continued, you were starting to feel hopeless.

That was when Ong Seongwoo helped you.

Ong was your best friend from your hometown, where the two of you would run to build sandcastles together after school. Like you, his father was a fisherman, and the two of you first met when you were four and were arguing over who had the prettier seashell. He remained in your classes for the rest of your years, but all the other kids thought he was weird.

“Ong is so weird! His teeth are so weird!”

“Gross is Ong! Ong is gross!”

“Hey! Stop talking like that about my friend! The rest of you aren’t any better!”

When you were six, you stood up for him in your kindergarten class, soon getting into an argument with the other girls, and eventually getting in trouble for pulling their hair. Ong, when finding out, insisted to stay with you during your time-out.

“Ong, you don’t have to stay with me!”

“No, (Y/N), I have to! You stood up for me to those jerks.”

Ong had called you, full of worry that something bad had happened. The two of you had been pen pals since you left, but Hyunbin didn’t allow you to write anymore. When you told Ong, he firmly spoke into the phone.

“(Y/N), you need to come back home.”

“Ong, I can’t, I’m scared that Hyunbin will literally kill me.”

“He’ll have to get through me first. Just come back home.”

You took Ong’s words to heart, slowly creating a plan to leave. Wordlessly, as Hyunbin went out one night with his friends, you snuck out with nothing but a backpack, and took your route to escape. Ong had promised to be there waiting for you at the harbor where the ferry would drop you off.

He was.

As soon as you stepped out, someone hugged you from behind, making you jump in surprise.

“Wow, you still hate me that much?”

“Ong?!”

“Hey there, (Y/N), it’s been a while.”

He was no longer the awkward little boy in your elementary school class, growing into an extremely handsome man. He now towered over you, his black hair tousled in the wind, flashing a smile so bright you swore you saw a lightbulb.

“You hungry after that ride? It’s on me.”

Ong and you went towards the street vendors, recognizing a familiar face.

“Oh my gosh, Kang Daniel? Holy crap, I could barely recognize you!”

The blonde boy working the stand looked up, his face lighting up.

“(Y/N)?! It’s been years since I last saw you!”

As he was making you and Ong’s food that he insisted was on the house, he let you in on what was currently going on in the town.

“Everyone’s all crazy over that urban legend again,” Daniel said, rolling his eyes as he flipped the takoyaki, “Ong’s been a target for all the girls in our school.”

Your town had a famous myth that your ancestors had sacrificed a whole kraken octopus to the goddess of the sea. To thank them for their work, she blessed the town and its people that whenever the girls would turn the age of 18, they would find true love. You never believed it, but you secretly always wished that it was true.

“Ong’s popular with the girls now? Man, I used to get into fights with them to make them stop teasing him.”

“He is,” Daniel nodded, sliding you your food, “but he doesn’t ever shut up about you, and how amazing you are.”

Ong punched Daniel, turning red.

“Don’t listen to him!”

You continued laughing and stayed with Daniel for another hour until you parted ways. The two boys bid you farewell, and you were on your own again. As the sun quickly started to set and be replaced by the stars, you decided to walk around the harbor, stopping exactly where your father last stood.

“Dad, are you still watching over me?”

You sighed, knowing it was hopeless to even ask. You sat down on the boardwalk, dangling your legs above the water.

“(Y/N)? What’re you still doing here? It’s almost 10 PM.”

You turned to see Ong, wearing a grey pullover and black sweatpants. A pair of glasses rested on the bridge of his nose, curious as to why you were still out, and not at your friend’s house.

“Oh, hey, I’m just thinking about some stuff,” you said, looking up, “care to join me?”

He sat down next to you, as the two of you talked for hours about eachothers’ lives, the stars, and it finally got to your relationship with Hyunbin.

“He’s going to come after me, Ong, I just know it,” you said, shakily, “he knows I’m gone. I think he’s waiting for me to either come back, or to grab me himself.”

“He’s not going to get far. Remember, he has to get through me first,” he reassured, patting your back, “I promise I won’t let him get close to you.”

“Why do you even care so much? You were the only person I kept in contact with when I left, and why are you so quick to helping me all the time?”

He sighed.

“Do you really want to know the truth?”

You nodded.

“You did the same for me, didn’t you? When all those kids in our class would make fun of me, you even got yourself in trouble by sticking up for me. (Y/N), it’s the least I can do.”

“Don’t they all like you now?”

“Yeah, because of how I look. Not for who I am, they just think I’m good looking. It almost sickens me,” he scoffs, “it’s all kind of fake.”

He picked up a pebble, before chucking it into the vast blue.

“(Y/N), have you ever seen a rock before it’s in the ocean?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” he continued, “it’s bumpy and rough, and it hurts when you step on them. But rocks that’ve been in the ocean are smooth.”

“Is this a science lesson? You always sucked at it,” you teased.

“No, it isn’t, it’s a deep metaphor,” he laughed.

“The waves in the ocean gradually wear away at the rock, smoothing it out over time to get rid of all its rough edges.”

After chucking another pebble, he faced you.

“I promise, (Y/N), I’ll be your ocean. Hyunbin hurt you so many times that I can’t even count anymore, and I promise I’ll wear all of it away. I don’t care how long it talks for you to heal, because if it’s the last thing I do, I promise to glue all your broken pieces back together.”

“Ong, I’m speechless, this is just so sudden-”

“(Y/N), I’ve liked you since the day our dads introduced us to each other at the harbor. But, for twelve years, I’ve always been terrified of telling you. I told myself that I had to tell you when you came back,” he said, instantly turning red.

“I’m not expecting an answer, I just needed to get it out.”

You shook your head.

“I have something to say as well.”

“Even when I was with Hyunbin, the only reason why I didn’t become depressed was because of you. You decided to stick with me throughout all those years, and all the days where I felt like giving up, you were the reason I didn’t. For a while, I felt guilty for liking you even though I was with someone else.”

You took a deep breath.

“I don’t believe in superstitions, and I honestly found the legend with the ocean goddess super silly. But if I’m going to find true love in anyone, it has to be you.”

“Please don’t be lying to me,” Ong whispered, “I’ve literally dreamt about this day for so long, that you honestly have no idea.”

You gave him a hug, burying your face into his pullover.

“I’m not asking to be something right away, (Y/N), and I really don’t mind taking it slow. I’d honestly wait for you until the end of time.”

He held you tight, almost as if he let you go, you’d disappear too.

“I wonder how our dads would react to this.”

“Honestly? They’re probably laughing together up in Heaven,” you laughed.

“Well, it all just happened by chance,” Ong chuckled, “Who would ever have thought that the girl I’ve been in love with for twelve years actually likes me back?”

“Ong, I’m trying to enjoy the moment right now.”

“Oh, got it.”

The two of you remained next to eachother until the sun rose up the next day. Hyunbin indeed try to call you and demand for you to come home, but as Ong stated, he’d have to get through him first.

It turns out that Ong had already reported Hyunbin to the police, and you all received word a week later, about how Hyunbin was put under house arrest. You haven’t heard a single word about him since.

After confessing to each other on the night at the harbor, you and Ong were closer than ever. All of the girls were extremely jealous of you, but couldn’t deny that you and Ong just suited one another perfectly. His fan club left you alone, knowing that Ong would never let them live if they hurt you.

The two of you would still go to the shore the same way you did when you were kids. He’d give you countless piggyback rides, always insist on you to wear his jacket, and always made sure that you should never be treated anything less than perfect.

When the time had come to decide on career paths, Ong decided to become a fisherman just like his dad was, and you decided to help Daniel’s family run their shop. Each morning, Ong left at the crack of dawn, but never forgot to kiss you on his way out.

“I love you.”

“Mhm, me too.”

Life was treating you well. Like Ong had stated, he did “wear away all your hard edges.” Your skin that once had green and purple patches all over it was now fully healed, and they weren’t going to come back any time soon.

One sunny day, Daniel was working his family’s food stand as a two tourist came to order, talking about a couple they saw earlier.

“Do you happen to know that couple who’s by the shore right now? They’re so precious; it reminds me of my days in young love,” gushed the woman.

Daniel smiled, sliding the food towards the tourists.

“Yeah, I do. They were childhood best friends.”

“Hmm, that’s serendipity at its finest,” her husband mused.

“Serendipity?” Daniel asked, “What does that mean?”

“It’s the occurrence of events by chance in a happy or lucky way,” the woman smiled, “I blessed this island eons ago with it with the blessing of true love!”

Daniel stared at the lady, convinced that she was just crazy, but bid her farewell.

As the “tourists” walked away, they spotted you and Ong together by the shore, still laughing together while holding hands. The two of you ran across in the vain attempt of catching a seagull, grinning like you had won the lottery.

“Serendipity, huh?” the woman smiled, “It’s a beautiful thing.”

“Not as beautiful as you, my dear.”

The couple descended into the ocean, transforming back into their godly forms, only leaving behind traces of seafoam.

Ong and you now fell into the water, surrounded by countless sea turtles and bright coral. He grabbed your hand, pulling you closer towards him. A crowd of seahorses and starfish watched you two share an underwater kiss before darting away quickly. Giggling, you both rose back up to the surface.

“So,” Ong started, “was that our first kiss?”

You grinned and kissed him, tasting the saltiness from the sea on his lips once more.

“That doesn’t mean it has to be the last.”

[whippedkoalas]

Hi! Can I suggest a drabble outside the list: William and Chris (friendship), preferably happening in future and a sentence “Don’t you ever miss casual sex or hooking up with other people?” I understand if you don’t feel comfortable to write about this but I would really like to read your take on their friendship.

Hello! I finished your drabble today. I hope that you’ll like it. I love their friendship but I always find my Chris’ characterization kind of off. Anyway, I hope Chris doesn’t come off as childish, that wasn’t my intention. 

“hey man, no, shit, I can’t be there on Saturday :( I’ve got plans with Noora, I can’t cancel. Tell the boys I said hi though. Don’t be too wild, okay. See you on Monday 👌 ”

When your best friend in the whole world suddenly falls in love with a girl, it changes everything for you too.When Chris was a teenager, people used to say “bros before hoes” and “chicks before dicks”. It is kind of true, in his experience. His friends always prioritized their group over girls. They weren’t called The Penetrators for nothing. They hooked up a lot with different girls, never promised them more than a good fuck and a hoodie and always took time to party together. So it was bros before hoes forever and everything was fine.Then William met Noora. William never tried to hide that she changed his life. She changed Chris life too. Noora is a great, really smart, beautiful girl. That’s really cliché adjectives to use, but it’s the truth. She makes William really happy, and Chris can see that almost every day. And clearly, she’s his friend, too. But when he reads William’s text, he’s disappointed. It’s cliché once again, but it used to be William and Chris against the world and now it’s William and Noora against the world. Realistically, he gets it. They’re in love, have been for years now and they want to spend their weekends together, it’s logical. Chris and William spend a lot of time together because they attend the same courses (yeah, Chris doesn’t really know how he ended up in law school but he did.) and even if they live together, William and Noora are both really busy with uni and stuff. Weekends are when they’re able to spend time together and everything. Chris gets it. Or at least, he tries.He can’t deny that William is there for him when he needs a friend. He can’t deny he still spends time with him, that he still goes to parties with him, that he’s still his best friend. William’s priorities changed as soon as he laid eyes on Noora, though. They don’t have the same priorities anymore. They don’t have the same life. Chris still hooks up with a lot of girls. Apart from a six months relationship with Emma, and a kind of friends with benefits relationship with Eva, Chris hasn’t really dated someone seriously. He doesn’t even count Iben because, well, that (first) relationship was a total and utter mess. What a jerk he had been to her.He still loves to flirt, he still goes on Tinder from time to time. He doesn’t really want to settle down. (William tells him that he just hasn’t found a girl that he loves enough to settle down yet.)A lot of his friends are in a relationship. In fact, as time flies, more and more friends settle down. He doesn’t really see the appeal, honestly, but sometimes, when a friend tells him with a smile that he met a girl and that it seems serious, he can’t help but wonder if he has a problem. But, like why would you choose to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life when you’re 25? You have a long life ahead of you. That seems boring. Anyway, Chris has been planning this get-together with The Riot Club for a week. He was looking forward to seeing all of them at the same time like before. And now, William won’t be there. The Riot Club without their boss is not really The Riot Club.

« Really? You can’t at least idk come for an hour? it sucks » he texts back.« Nah I promised ages ago.. sorry! We’ll organize something else, okay? »

The worst thing is that Chris knows that if William asked Noora to cancel their plans, she would say yes. But he didn’t even ask, because William doesn’t really care if the boys party without him. He remembers their trip to Lillehammer in Third year too well (and their entire Russ, in all honesty. William didn’t even pretend to care.)

When Saturday comes, he prepares everything and waits for his friends impatiently. He found their song, put it back on his iPod, and printed a few pictures from their years at Nissen. His flat is not big and with 30 boys, it will soon be cramped, but they’re gonna have fun.

They do have fun.

After a few drinks, some cigarettes and a lot of laughter, Chris checks his phone. He received a text from William thirty minutes ago.

« Bro are you still at yours? I’m free, tell me where I can meet you, losers » « YEAAH STILL AT MINE ! what happened? » he answers « okay, I’ll be there soon. Idk some Vilde drama, I think?  Just waiting for Eva to get there so I can drop them off at Sana’s »   « say hello to my favorite girl of the girl squad okay? »« I’ll show this text to Chris next time she comes by » « she’s my twin, it’s different.» « I’ll show it to Jonas hahaha »  «🙄Get yo ass there real quick bro »

When William gets there, the boys are sitting in a circle in Chris living room, apparently sharing stories. After greeting everyone, he sits down and one of the boys pour him a drink.

The boys have always loved to tease him about « his girl » and tonight is no exception.

« So, when are you getting hitched? » Borkis asks him with a smirk after a while.« hmm, » he says, sipping from his drink. « I don’t know » he smiles.« wait, » Chris says, surprised. « You’re… going to get married? » « maybe? » William answers.« What??? » Chris yells. « What the fuck? You’re 25 and Noora is like 23? » « Hey, relax. I didn’t say we’re getting married tomorrow » William laughs.« You proposed? » Borkis chimes in. « No, not really » The boys look at him weirdly. « What does « not really » mean? » one of them asks.« I haven’t formally proposed. But like, the first time I told her we could get married we weren’t even together yet. It’s something we say casually, you know? I don’t even think she expects a formal proposal, so yeah… It’s just… we’ve talked about this. It’s just .. in the cards I guess. »« You’re nervous! » Andreas yells. « That’s cute, W »« Oh shut up Andy, » William says. After that, the conversation shifts to another topic.

Chris doesn’t forget. So when he’s eating lunch with William the next Monday, he wants to know more.

« Will, were you serious on Saturday? » He asks, turning his head to face him.« Serious about what? »« Marriage » he clarifies.« Well, yeah, of course »  he says, taking another slice of his pizza.It seems so normal for him, Chris is surprised. « Really? You’re really going to marry Noora? »« Eventually, yes » William furrows his eyebrows a bit. « Why? »« I don’t know, it seems logical » he replies. « What is this about Chris? You’re acting like I plan to move to Peru to raise Llamas or something » « Don’t you ever miss casual sex or hooking up with other people? » Taken aback, William chuckles. « No » « Never? »« Never. »  he repeats. « So you actually want to have sex only with Noora for the rest of your life? »« that’s the plan, yeah »« Wow »« You realize that it’s been almost seven years, right? Married or not, it doesn’t change much. »« Yeah, yeah of course I know but it seems really boring, sorry bro » William laughs « Oh my god Chris… I promise you I’m not bored » « You’re going to be… You’re only 25! » William laughs harder. « Chris, I’m in love with Noora and have been since I’m 18. Casual sex doesn’t mean anything for me now. I don’t feel like I’m missing out. » « I believe you, I just have trouble to like, conceptualize it? » « That’s probably because you’ve never been in love. Or because it’s not the kind of life you want, maybe. Either way, it’s okay. If you don’t want to settle down, don’t. I didn’t have a choice, so…  » William smiles and nudges him. « What do you mean? » he asks.« It was love at first sight, like I don’t even know how to explain but I only have eyes for her. Not hooking up is not a choice, it’s just like that, an evidence. I don’t ask myself questions, it’s natural, like fate or something »  « Okay… but like, you don’t find girls attractive anymore or what? »« I don’t know, it’s not even a question. I still have eyes, of course, but it’s not like when we were in school, no. »« And for example, the girl that was flirting with you last year, she was beautiful, you didn’t even wonder if maybe you could…? »« No, Chris. I’ve worked hard to build my life with Noora. I won’t destroy everything for a fuck. I’m very happy with her. She makes me happy. That’s all that matters. » He smiles and then looks at Chris… « What is this about Chris? You’ve never questioned my relationship with Noora before.  » « You know that Fabian has a girlfriend? » William shakes his head so Chris continues « Well he met her online a few weeks ago. We had a lot of parties planned and we were about to organize a trip to Ibiza this summer. Fabian is a very good friend, you know. Not my best friend, obviously, but when we started Uni it was great to have him around because you have your life with Noora and I needed a group of friends with whom I could party. And now we’re almost done with uni and even Fabian settled down. He told me that he won’t go to Ibiza because Laura doesn’t want him to go. I realized that I’m the only one that hasn’t had a proper relationship. » « I’m sorry about Fabian » William says. « Do you really feel left out? I promise you I always try to be there  f—» « I know William, I know. You’re the best. Honestly, I know that you really try to do your best and that’s why you’re my best friend, okay? But, like, you have to live your life with Noora. I get it, it’s logical. When your friends have all figured out their lives though, and you’re still not sure how to cook pasta, it can be a bit… I don’t know I just feel self-conscious. I just sometimes wonder if I have a problem, you know. I mean even Eskild left Oslo for a boy, and I’ve never really been in love! »William smiles shyly. « Chris, do you want to settle down? I mean, now. Would you like to find a girl today and settle down with her? »« No, not really. » Chris admits. « Then don’t. If one day you call me to tell me that you met a girl and that she’s it for you, I will be ecstatic for you. But, like. If you never do, then it’s great too. It’s your life, you just have to be happy. You don’t need anyone to be happy, man. You’re Christoffer Schistad, come on! Plus, you will always be invited to our family dinners okay? » They laugh together. They don’t really speak about their lives like that a lot. They’re both really reserved, but Chris is happy to be able to speak about this with his best friend.

After a while, William tells him « Chris? About Ibiza… Do you want us to go? » and then smiles.Chris is surprised. « Us? And Noora? » « Did Noora ever hold us back? » William smirks. « True. Maybe she could come with us? »« What? I thought it was a boys trip! » William says, confused.« Yeah but like, if I find a cute girl to hook up with, you’ll need a distraction. And, Noora is cool. »William rolls his eyes.

[melodvc]

back @ it again with another sad white boy bc that’s what the world needs

DYLAN O’BRIEN, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met devon finn waterbury ? the twenty-seven year old is known for being both observant and merciful, but also very cataclysmic and remorseful. born in new york city, dev now lives in greenwich, usually sulking.

WOW here’s more abt him (  tw for murder, gang violence, mental illness [hereditary], suicide attempt, hospitalization . god i hope that’s it )

grew up in a house with his 5 other brothers & sisters, mom, and dad

mom was a lil shaky at times bc of her mental illness (bipolar)

wasn’t rly revealed until he was about 18 that he was bipolar too when he was sent to therapy but his therapist sucked and he hated it, hated his meds, etc. and just ran like it felt like nothing was helping him and he was just forced into this shitty cycle of the same stuff

ended up going on like a perpetual aka 9-month manic episode when his mom tried to kill herself

got drunk & hella violent one night, picking fights everywhere n shit and got into it with two guys who ended up having knives and rip bc the tides turned and he was able to get a knife, aka stabbed one of the guys to help a girl get away .

the other guy took off running but he stayed to wait for the ambulance. ofc he got off on self defense however due to family history of mental illness he did have to do like a month in inpatient care

it was actually a little beneficial for him but he done fucked up man

anyway he came home to a big like surprise party from his family all pretending he wasn’t like this huge disgrace * ( 6 )

and literally the night he got home there was a home invasion by the guy’s friends & they killed one of his sisters and then, by accident, his dad and finally, shot him before they left

after that his family sort of just fell the fuck apart like death either separates or unites and in this case, his living fam members didn’t fucking want to talk to him . his mom still loved him tho bless her heart

anyway he took his dad’s life insurance money and moved to london . he bought a couple houses to invest and basically barely scrapes by by renting out one and living in the other

his favorite thing is to just get drunk and go to shows . he rly likes music but he’s more like the techie guy only he isn’t bc he has no experience lmao

he was good at math in school so he’s thinking abt doing something with that but it’s not rly going anywhere he’s sort of just directionless and damaged rip

doesn’t sleep  whole lot ? has night terrors somewhat regularly 

i do want one of his brothers/sisters to come into town or move in with him ? so WC pls & ty lol

SMOKE:AU6: 

continued from * ( 6 ) above. ( tw for blood ment., murder, torture )

uh the guy he killed’s friends, LITERALLY THAT NIGHT, lmao ended up killing him

this poor family honestly but anyway he was sent to hell pretty fuckin fast to be a demon. been one for a couple yrs now most likely

has a pretty big blood kink tbh tho it’s not usually sexual . more gratifying ? lol n bc he’s a fucker he gets that out now just by torturing ppl wow

um he def has killed again since but he’s usually careful 2 … not. not a fan of the feeling even tho the blood thing is a little lowkey so that he can see someone else’s blood on his hands n not think abt the guy he actually like rly murdered

LOL nice anyway the end ig

[argonapricot]

when you REBLOG IT do ALL OF THEM

1: Name - Julia

2: Age - the number of protons in an argon atom! My favorite element! That didn’t even occur to me until just now and I am delighted.

3: 3 Fears -

1. Plane crashes

2. Dementia

3. Bad things happening to pets

4: 3 things I love -

1. elves

2. Dvorak

3. making fun of you

5: 4 turns on

1. Linguistics

2. The end credit music from Attack of the Clones

3. Girls

4. Chord resolutions

6: 4 turns off

1. Sex

2. Existentialism

3. Depression

4. Logistical complications

7: My best friend - three of alex in a trenchcoat

8: Sexual orientation - homosexualism

9: My best first date - I’ve only had one! Unless you count Mackenzie Week which wow I sure don’t yikes

But yeah, the actual first date was cute af we were adorable and drenched

10: How tall am I - not tall enough

11: What do I miss - so much all the time, god. Having it be a normal and socially accessible activity to play pretend when you hang out with friends. Having a girlfriend, lol. Playing outside in the yard, my brother being a tiny little puffball. Being an impressive child. So many childhood things actually I’m an enormous sap. Not being depressed?

12: What time was I born - 7:02 in the evening, I think

13: Favorite color - poorple

14: Do I have a crush - um i have like 7 I’m bad at getting over people

15: Favorite quote - “the answer is six” - alex, that one time the answer wasn’t six

16: Favorite place - it’s a secret!

17: Favorite food - academic vigor

18: Do I use sarcasm - no of course not

19: What am I listening to right now - the clock trying to guilt me from across the room

20: First thing I notice in new person - whether or not they are painted green 

21: Shoe size - 9/12

22: Eye color - Brown! Maybe like ¼ hazel

23: Hair color - also brown! It gets lighter in the summer, the sun bleaches it a bit.

24: Favorite style of clothing - gay

25: Ever done a prank call? - I used to prank call Clarissa every time I called her in like middle school, but it was always super obvious that it was me I think

27: Meaning behind my URL - my favorite element, paired with a handy dandy alliteration fruit that I enjoy

28: Favorite movie - Alex making a fool of herself

jk it’s I guess Lord of the Rings but I’m honestly so bad with favorites especially movies

29: Favorite song - I’ve been listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash a LOT lately, for fictional angst purposes and also it’s just a really good song

30: Favorite band - the Grady Knights Philharmonic

31: How I feel right now - sad that I’m only on number 31

32: Someone I love - Lee Pope

33: My current relationship status - so single you don’t even know

34: My relationship with my parents - good! I have great parents they are great!

35: Favorite holiday - I’ve only actually been to a Tu b’shvat seder once, but it was so incredibly rad and it’s a good holiday I approve of it.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - none

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - none?

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to get in on that sweet pjo fandom action

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? nah bro @alphaj8de hi five

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - I exchange “goodnights” with someone if we end a conversation by going to bed?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - quite possibly!

42: When did I last hold hands? - I hold hands with Tolkien every day of my life

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depends on how slowly I get out of bed

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - yeah

45: Where am I right now? - on a couch

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - fanfiction, probably, since all of my good caring friends are Leaving me to go to Party College, or alternatively Very Far Away And Stupidly Cold Stupid College

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - I like my music neurotically soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - for the next like two months

49: Am I excited for anything? - college! Hannah’s lake house! garbage on the internet! 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - I rarely tell Everything to anyone

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I suck at fake smiles, and can only maintain them (when called for) in three-second bursts

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I hugged Benjamin earlier today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I would stand there like a tool.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - YEAH @cognitivelyagitated I can’t believe you took advantage of my eighth grade self like that and I can’t believe my eighth grade self was that stupid.

55: What is something I disliked about today? - Discord crashed and my online friend was not online.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - *mumblemumble*

57: What do I think about most? - characters doing Things

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I have the power to make sleeping possums knit

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - macaroni and cheese, also certain noises that make me flip out and cringe

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - I can go both ways!

61: What was the last lie I told? - the answer to that sarcasm question

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - what is communication

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I don’t devote a lot of energy into having opinions on ghosts or aliens one way or the other.

64: Do I believe in magic? - sometimes

65: Do I believe in luck? - I mean luck is just the concept that sometimes good things happen and sometimes they don’t? So yeah, the experimental probability of good things that happen is a thing.

66: What’s the weather like right now? - hot and humid

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - I’m in the middle of like four books right now, the last one I finished was I think A Conjuring Of Light? In the shades of magic trilogy, which was hype.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - no!

69: Do I have any nicknames? - julesliaia

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I broke my arm in seventh grade

71: Do I spend money or save it? - both!

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - there are some pink things visible on the screen where this is being typed?

74: Favorite animal? - I like all kinds of cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - watching Episode 3 of IDOL Drama Operation Team

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - why would he have a last name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - I can’t think of the best answer right now

78: How can you win my heart? - elf appreciation

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - my name would be nice

80: What is my favorite word? - right now, sepulchral

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - I don’t really rate tumblrs!

82:  If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stop! being stupid! stop being mean! Help the planet and also other people! I don’t know

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - being able to sing well would be nice

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - are you spending your time responsibly?

86: What is my current desktop picture? - Yosemite

87: Had sex? - y

88: Bought condoms? - n

89: Gotten pregnant? - n

90: Failed a class? - n

91: Kissed a boy? - n

92: Kissed a girl? - y

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - I think so, yeah

94: Had job? - y

95: Left the house without my wallet? - y

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - n

97: Had sex in public? - nah that’s your gig

98: Played on a sports team? - I was a part of the Lucky Clovers soccer team in like 1st and 2nd grade

99: Smoked weed? - n

100: Did drugs? - n

101: Smoked cigarettes? - n

102: Drank alcohol? - some! on special occasions

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - n

104: Been overweight? - n

105: Been underweight? - n

106: Been to a wedding? - Yeah, a couple!

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - ………..probably on some late nights, but that’s terrible and I feel ashamed and sad

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - n

109: Been outside my home country? - twice! Once to Spain and once to Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? - There have been a couple instances of vague heart breakage idk

111: Been to a professional sports game? - during TIP camps, yes

112: Broken a bone? - y

114: Been to prom? - I was busy Killing It at Carnegie Hall

115: Been in airplane? - y

116: Fly by helicopter? - n

117: What concerts have I been to? - @queer-sighted took me to a Fall Out Boy concert two summers ago, which was lots of fun! I’ve been to a lot of ASO concerts that Mom gets tickets to for producing the show, and a bunch of other classical music occasions, and some concerts that I’ve played!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - yeah. like. a Lot.

119: Learned another language? - I learned some okay French

120: Wore make up? - y

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - y but virginity is dumb

122: Had oral sex? - y

123: Dyed my hair? - n

124: Voted in a presidential election? - I was too young!

125: Rode in an ambulance? - n

126: Had a surgery? - yeah, on my foot in second grade

127: Met someone famous? - my crush met Selena Gomez does that count

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - only a tiny bit

129: Peed outside? - of course

130: Been fishing? - I’ve stood near some people who were fishing sometimes

131: Helped with charity? - I’ve worked on a lot of tikkun olam projects? And volunteered places? And donated tzeddakah? I don’t know what specifically constitutes charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? - only very indirectly I have the forthcoming romantic initiative of a slug

133: Broken a mirror? - no

134: What do I want for birthday? - ummmm books and mamamoo I guess? Maybe a new tablet

[whatevenis2016-blog]

Please just kill me already.

Basically every aspect of my life sucks rn. Work is horrible and gets worse and worse everyday. I can't stand it and I just want someone to call me back so I can get out of this hell hole. It's so funny tho this one girl gets to work 45, 50, even an hour late every single day and my boss doesn't seem to care and I get to work everyday on time and then I change into my work cloths there and clock in like 3 minutes late. But do you know who she gives shit and bitched about behind her back to other employees? Me. Not her. She literally doesn't appreciate the fact that I basically run her store and shes never there. And she takes weekends off and gives the girl who's always late weekends off and this guy every Friday and Sunday off but won't give me or the other girl who actually do shit at work any weekend days off. Ever. I ask one weekend off a year, for my birthday. And she still Give Me Shit about how hard it is for her to make it work without me being there. Oh wow. Go fuck yourself. Like really. I don't care how hard it is for you, it's your business not mine. It's not my problem. Like if you can't make it work with the people you have, maybe you should fucking hire more people? And not just have like 6 employees.... And about a million other reasons why working there is complete ass. My mother hates me. And no I'm not exaggerating, not even a little bit. Here are some direct quotes from my mother, all completely unprovoked and completely out of the blue:: "you are a psychopath" "maybe I should keep calling your bitch of an employer" she's trying to get me fired bc I refused to see her on my birthday "you're off your meds, you aren't wearing your retainer, you dropped out of college. You're living in an unhealthy environment" my doctor took me off my meds bc I'm doing better, I stopped wearing my retainer bc it's been ever a year since I got my braces off, I'm taking ONE semester off bc my whole fucking life is imploding around me and an way too stressed out and overwhelmed to handle school on top of all my other problems. "Your father said he was going to kill me" complete lies bc she's mad my father got custody of me when I was a child. "maybe C***** didn't stab you in the back she just didn't like how he was treating you" and ex friend of mine treated me like shit and tried to break me and an ex up and then tore apart many other friendships bc she's an insecure person but she wants me to believe I was the problem not other people. "your dad doesn't want you to succeed" "it's time to grow up and stop blaming shit on me!!!!!!!" "You only text me when you're angry" " I tried so hard with you" "I wasted XXXX$ on your braces" she tried to take my father to Cort and force him to pay for braces but because she was thousands and thousands of dollars behind in child support they made her pay for them, not to mention doing things like that are what you're suppose to do as a parent not bc your child 'deserves it'. All those are just text messages she's sent me resently. I'm currently 21 and she still owns me like 33,000$++ in child support. She doesn't even work, she sponges off the government. The money she gets from the government every month is more that my father Earns every month. And my dad is able to out food on the table, buy clothing for me and then some but she's not even able to buy anything more than bread and ramen noodles bc she spends the rest of her money on drugs and alcohol and other stupid shit (like smart phones she doesn't know how to use and DS3Ds as soon as they are released and again doesn't know how to use. All for herself I might add). She has completely treated my like shit for my entire life. When I was younger I used to believe I deserved it bc I was just a shitty person but after seeing a good therapist, I know know she's mentally ill, refuses to get help and just projects all her issues and anger onto me. She tells me I'm the worst thing that has ever happened to her, that I'm mentally retarded and would never graduate high school (even though from 11th great until my junior year or college I got all As and Bs except 2 classes I really struggled in), she would tell me I don't deserve love and I would die alone. Day in and day out for absolutely no reason other than just wanting me to feel horrible. If I wouldn't do simple things like dishes or taking trash out she would threaten me never to take me to a doctor or dentist again (which incase you can't figure this out for yourself is sick and twisted) you should ground your kid of a weekend not refuse medical attention. She's woken me up in the middle of the night, knocking me out of bed and kicked me out with no explanation. Once I was out with a friend and came home probably around 11pm and she had locked me out of our appartment and wouldn't let me back in and I had called my dad but he was asleep so he didn't answer, so I just waited outside in the hallway until the next morning and rode the bus to school. One of the first therapists I had told her she can't keep treating me the way she does (keep in mind my mother would sit in on my appointments and do most of the talking herself so it wasn't even just me spouting out a bunch of shit, it was just from the words spoken from my mother). On the way home she told me how horrible I am, how I was the worst thing that has ever happened to her, that I deserved all the bad thing possible to happen to me. There have been times when she was mad at one of my brother's (she has 2 other sons, my 2 half brother's) and she would take her anger out on me (bc they didn't live with us) she would tell me it was my responsibility to step up and take her shit, that's what it meant to be 'part of a family' what it meant to be 'an adult'. Does that make sense to you? If you're mad at someone but they aren't there...That you would yell and a completely unrelated person simply bc you were mad...? Bc that's what it meant to be a family...? No. It doesn't make sense. I've literally seen my mother do something and then turn around a yell at my brother like he did it. She's so fucked up, she just can't stand it when there isn't drama. The last time l lived with her was my senior year of high schoool, in the middle of the night she tricked me into coming downstairs telling me she was hurt and needed help. When really she was shitfaced drunk, she told me how sick of me she was, how she couldn't stand me, how she didn't want to take care of me anymore. She had a hand full of several bills all in my name, all way past due, that she didn't pay or give to me, that were ruining my credit bc they were unpayed. Just to fuck me over. And then kicked me out. It was like 1 in the morning. And after I left, within the next week she was pissed as all hell that I refused to come back. She had kicked me out several times in the past and I was forced to go back bc I was under 18 but this time there was absolutely no reason for me to go back. She wouldn't stop harassing me she called and left so many messages in 2 weeks it filled my entire voicemail. I didn't even know that was possible. But it is. They were all telling me I was a shitty person. I had to get a whole new phone number bc of her. What a great mother right? And she literally cannot wrap her hear around why I want nothing to do with her. And on top of all of her shit my brother's are so brain washed they believe it's okay for her to act the way she does and are MAD AT ME for not wanting to interact with her. They literally try to make me feel guilty for not wanting to see or talk to her. Like the way she acts in in no way, shape or form okay for a parent to act. And the fact they think I should PUT UP WITH IT is fucking ridiculous. I have literally told my one brother story's of what she has does and all he says is "you should really call and talk to mom". Like wow, I can fell the love. I can tell my mental health is important to you. And currently I have been having some serious issues with my insurance. I need to be enrolled in school to get my insurance benefits and I guess this year my shit got messed up and they never received my enrollment info. So for like the last 3 months I've been trying to get it straitened out with problem after problem after problem. And several hours sitting on call waiting with my insurance. Currently I'm emailing someone from college trying to get enrollment verification forms. So I emailed the lady saying I needed help for the fall semester of 2016 and explained my whole problem to her. The spring of 2017 I'm taking off bc of personal problems and she already knew that bc I've already talked to her about it. All she replies with "you're not currently enrolled". I was so pissed and crushed. She clearly didn't even read my email. I have dealt with her before and I have friends that have dealt with her, and she has never been anything but a cunt. And I don't genuinely say cunt as a insult but she's a cunt. Like what even is her job but to help students?? She has either not helped me or given me so much shit in the process. If you fucking hate your job so much that you treat your students like shit, you should get a new job. Like are you serious, I am thousands of dollars in debt to my insurance that I don't owe bc my shit fell through for a stupid reason. And it's affecting my credit score bc I don't want to just pay for it and potentially not get replayed.... And a couple months ago my father had surgery for cancer and isn't working. So with my shit job where I don't even make the minimum wage, I'm trying to support us. And right after he had his surgery and I accidently broke my finger. All in the finals week of school. So I was trying to finish final projects, study for finals, being torn apart hoping my father would be okay, wanting to go out of town to visit him in the hospital and then not being able to bc I broke my finger, and missing several days of school and having to make up finals. All while having my work issues too and being expected to work way more hours than I could physically and mentally handle but doing it anyway. Just being torn apart in every direction possible and having no one care... And since my father's surgery I've had to drive him 2 hours our of town for check ups since his surgery and when I ask those day off from work my boss has the audacity to give me shit about needing those days off even though she knows full well why I was asking them off. I literally hate my life and wish I was dead. Like all of my problems are bc of other people, things that are completely out of my control. Like I try so hard to fix shit and nothing gets better. My entire life I've tried to bend over backwards trying to make my mother love me but she just hates me more and more everyday. No matter what I do or say my boss never takes me seriously or respects or appreciated a single thing I do. No matter who I talk to or what I send nothing changes with my insurance. Can someone just kill me.....

[anjaisquiet]

I‘ve been away for wayy to long

Hey, I know I‘ve been away for waayy too long and I kind of wanna explain why I stopped posting and what happened in these i think more than two years or smth? I know my tumblr went dark, but it happened because I needed to focus on healing and to not go back to a place where I described my sadness and sank into it. And make it look like it‘s a beautiful thing to be sad. Like poetry has to be about pain all the time. I kind of justified my depression by writing poetry, I used my depression as a well for inspiration, a well full of pain, pain I could fill in a bucket and splash it onto these pages, romanticizing my illness. And I guess it was a coping mechanism on one hand, but it also kept me stuck in the same place on the other. So in Febuary 2018, I admitted myself into a psychiatry for underaged people at the age of 16. After one of many suicide attempts. Most of them stayed unnoticed, but the last ones I wanted people to know, I didn‘t want to live like that, in constant pain any longer. Though there was something in the end, that I just couldn‘t let go. I don‘t know why, but after about 3 years of wanting to die (or was it 4 years?) I was tired of it, of thinking that way. I wanted to get better, I wanted to be stronger than this and I wanted to be it now. So, one day, I was planning on throwing myself in front of a train, instead of doing that, I called my brother. And I said : listen, don‘t fucking drive me home, you either drive me to a psychiatry or i‘ll throw myself in front of the next train that‘s passing by. And that‘s what he did. Well not he exactly, my dad, because my brother had an appointment I think, so I changed cars half of the way. Firs we went to the kids section of my local hospital. They told us that there was an institution and that they would call and tell them we would be coming. I didn‘t want to go home. So we drove there. And I got admitted. Got blood taken twice bc they messed up the first try, and I‘m hella afraid of needles so that was fun. Idk why they did that, probably to get my blood checked for drugs or maybe if i‘m lacking any vitamins? And then I got a room, it was a thursday, I remember, because the next day I should have had a latin exam. I did the latin exam the week after this. I only stayed over night, all my possessions were put in this little room and locked up, except my toothbrush ( I always had a toothbrush with me at the time, I had braces). And because I had nothing to wear to sleep and no slippers, I got those awful foam slippers and pyjamas that felt horrible, but I didn‘t care. I found a girl I became friends with pretty quickly, but she had to stay there for I think 3 months more before they would let her out. We drank a shit ton of tea and smoked outside this balcony with bars so you couldn‘t jump, you know, and there were like 1000 ash trays made out of clay in their crafting classes lol. This facility had this mechanism, that if you leave dour room after bed time (which was I think 9-10 p.m), even if you just needed to pee, an alarm would go off. Pretty annoying I tell ya. Also pretty annoying that they wanted to talk all the time and I so didn‘t wanna talk. I wanted to ball my eyes out like I always did. Yeah so the next day I had to fill out this thing so they let me out and my parents had to confirm and shit, and they drove me home, and I think my parents were pretty pissed. Or embarrassed, or confused, or overwhelmed. And that‘s when I started therapy. For about 1,5 years I think. Ended on my last month of highschool. One year after I went there, I got my drivers license and 4 months after that I graduated highschool with an average mark of 1.6, which I to this day don‘t know how i did that. And yeah I started to take antidepressants for about 7 months? Helped me a lot, also had those pills that calm you down that are also commonly used for people suffering from schizophrenia. Four months after starting therapy I met a guy at a festival, called Max. Amazing guy I tell ya. Fell in love in pretty much a week. Still my boyfriend to this day. He‘s everything I could have ever asked for and he helped me through shit, he helps me get my life together when I slip, he‘s everything to me. So thankful. And yeah, i ended therapy because it was a therapist for underaged people and I would have turned 18 + my therapist felt like I didn‘t need it anymore (at least for now, she told me a few therapists I could go to and also told me that I could call and that they could get me connected if I had a problem again). The months after I finished school were shitty. And I still have to get my life together a little bit. It‘s still fucking hard not to stay in bed all day bc that‘s what I did for ages, and I tell u it fkn sucks. But hey, I‘m here and I‘m alive and I‘m trying my best and now i have to get back to learning chemistry because I really wanna get into the restoration university thing and my exam is in like 4 weeks. Also I should, again , get out of bed and stretch (I also started going to the gym) and clean up, my room looks like a complete mess. Wow you read this whole thing? Congraz, now u know what a total stranger has been up too the last two years, Anja

[somberthoughtsseldomeffort]

Going through all my text quotes and you can see when i slowly fall out of love.. hahah  I literally haven’t been this happy in the longest time ever. I haven’t written in my book since the feelings were mutual. He makes me so happy without even trying and its the lamest feeling in the entire world. It sucks that it only took him 2 years to finally admit to liking me, or that it took me 5 months of talking to him for me to realize that i liked him back. He wasnt exactly my type, but darling did he steal my affection in a heartbeat. Finally, someone who liked me for me and not for what i can offer, someone who would rather just watch netflix with me in bed than do something like go out on an expensive date. Someone who will just hold me in his arms while im having a bad day and just reassure me that everything will be fine. It just sucks that you have to be leaving tomorrow and that i dont even get to see you leave. I really, really like you.    And i think ill tell you that before you go, and it will be the lamest thing that i have ever done in my 18 years of life. Cause darling, you are the only exception. -Feb 14th,2014  I remember I wrote this poem about not being able to take a place in the scoreboard of affection. Well look at me now, in first place with a really sweet guy. - Mar 7th,2014 I am so conflicted with what I want to do with this “relationship”. I know for a fact I’m thinking too hard about it and it’s driving me practically insane. And this is probably I stay away from relationships all together or why I stray away from ties with people in general. I really like him and I am aware of it now, I want to get to know him more and just see if we’re just as compatible as I’d like us to be. I don’t want to push my ideals on him or his on me cause that’s not the type of relationship that I am looking for. I have the utmost respect towards military wives or girlfriends. I can’t even handle bootcamp yet alone the rest of his life… Do I escape while I can or do I stay because I enjoy his company. - Mar 18th,2014

You know what I hate the most? I hate that I brought him into a room I sleep in. I let him linger in a place I spend all of my time in. There isn’t a second that goes by where I am not reminded of his existence. I can’t lay in my bed with peace of mind like I used to be able to. Fuck - Mar 20th.2014  10 more days till Gerik comes back, 10 more days till everything is sorted out. 10 more days til ughhh,, idk . Gosh darn it i miss him -  May 13th,2014 It will seriously be the most fucked up thing if you notice me now. I was hanging around you since my sophomore year of high school and liked you for a while. But now that we’re in college and i have found myself in a obscure relationship you wanna come down and be like “ hey these are my views on relationships and they match yours, wow, you are like totally the type of girl im looking for why didnt i notice this sooner.” I will dick slap you so hard its going to leave an imprint on your face.- May 15th,2014

i am beyond myself, honestly with this whole significant other thing. Feelings really shouldnt be this difficult to figure out. I mean they are MY feelings i should be able to tell what they want. A hug would be nice right now even a pat on the head or something. I feel so uneasy honestly . - Nov 4th,2014 

And he left, and this time between us was honestly nothing more than that. I knew i needed to end things with Gerik, but honestly I did not expect it to hurt this much. I dont need a man in my life who’s idea of a joke would be to say hes going to hit on other girls including my friends and then cal me sensitive after i get upset. I dont need a man in my life who will let me get hit and be okay with it even if he thought we were “playing”. I dont need a man who wont be clear on what he wants to do with me and what we are after a year has passed. I do not need someone who will let me be sad and not really talk to me about it. I do not need someone who will let me be all emotionally scorn day in and day out and tell me to “get over it”. I do like Gerik though. I liked the way hed laugh at my jokes and how he would only be ticklish in one spot. Id like the way hed hug me and made me feel like being in his arms were where i would be the safest. I liked it when he would do all these things and not al all. I hate that he is in the Marines. Im happy i did not give him my virginity and that we did not emotionally connect with one another otherwise  this would have been harder than it is right now. But i swear to God if anyone ever says that I, “never cared” or that “shes a bitch for breaking up with you” fuck you. Cause i would have never stayed for a year and not tried to make things work. I should not have to justify why i was not happy with someone. I liked gerik, but i could not like him more than this. For this relationship was not a healthy one. - Jan 2nd,2015

if you really think that I broke up with him because of you and not out of my own happiness than you are crazy. - Jan 3rd,2015

So here is the ordeal, as most may not care or be concerned about my love life, I am torn between sticking with whats available and waiting for something better. I literally spent a year and some days with a boy who i honestly wasnt sure if he liked me or need me. Or wanted to like someone and needed someone. I ended with someone i missed but knew wasnt good for me. Then I was turned to a wonderful boy who, quicker than most, basically professed and undying admiration  with me and literally wanted everything that i offered. He unfortunately is active military and I have lost total communication with him. I am not sure how he is doing or if his interest in me died. Then i meet this older guy, i actually met him on new years this year but i didnt really think much of him, but apparently he thought something of me. Then he added me on facebook and then we started talking and then we met again in person at a show and then again and my best friends birthday. We, i gues you could say, kinda hooked up but not really. (i am 100% still a virgin…) And i am not sure if i want to advacne with this guy. He is a very nice and respectable guy . he would not do anything that i was not comfortable with. He is kind and considerate. But he honestly is not someone i could see myself with in the far future but then again i just met him. And I still kind of like the boy who i lost contact with. I am single and young I have a lot of choices in life but i dont think i make the right ones. Ughhhhhh relationships with people suck honestly…. help what the hell do i do?! -Mar 8th,2015 

This would just be my freaking luck, He would come back. He would come back when I was literally to give up all hope of him. I pray and hope he remembers me but at the same time i hope that he doesnt approch me and doesnt make my life that much harder. I cant choose and i dont like having options. I dont like having to think about who i would be better off with or who i actually like. I can stand being so indecisive. At the same time I miss him so much… UGggggggHHHH - Apr 25,2015 

I cant wait till novemember, Im going to be planning a trip to california to see my boyfriend. I know im pretty excited for something that is going to happen like 4 months from now. But itd be the only vacation id have fro a while. Ill get to spoil his hass and take him to six flags and I get to do lame couple things. What i really want to do is get thous leather engraved bracelets. That would make me the happiest soul. Haha and I also get to look forward to the Marine Corps Ball, I never got to go to prom so its kinda like the same thing right?? I can not wait, so excited.  - Jul 22,2015 

It kinda terrifies me in a way how much of a minor change I noticed in me. And im talking into terms as far as my relationship goes with Gerik. Its not a bad change its actually pretty good to be honest. I feel a lot more peaceful and its kinda sad that I was not able to reach this level of happiness by myself. The only reason it probably took me so long to like someone was because I felt like I should love myself first. I still admit to not loving myself but im sure a lot of people share that common problem.

    He doesnt let me be sad by myself and I really cant seem to lie to him. I sure dont tell him everything yea, but if her were to ask id say everything. I dont know he makes me happy and probably upsets me the most at the same time. I feel like hes too good to be true cause I’ve never met someone who has been as patient with me as he has been. I may doubt him from time to times cause sometimes i just dont believe someone could actually like me. Cause lets be honest. Im a pretty shitty person inside and out. But he never fails to reassure me in many ways. Hes a wonderful boyfriend and I cant wait to see him in November. Idk I just feel like he made me a lot more forgiving and kinder to myself. I would usually sulk about a lot of things but he makes them minor i dont know how to explain it but hes a great guy. - Aug 8th,2015 

My boyfriend is simple, and a lot of boys and girls are these days. I for one and not one of them. Im like a rubics cube that someone switched the stickers on. He’s the type of person who says things once meaning if he really misses me and wants to explain it he will only tell me once. Thats all he thinks he needs to say. But in my head I feel like if I am not reminded that I am wanted and loved I’ll feel like he doesnt like me anymore. I dont know yes I need affection but I also dont want to be smothered. I dont know. Im just kinda irritated with myself in all honesty. Just because he doest tell me everyday that he still loves me as much as he wants to make me think he does, i start to think he doesnt fancy me anymore. I just feel life I annoy him so much with how needy I am. I just dont date well.  A lot of the times i feel like i like him so much more than he likes me idk. Im a hopeless cause.  - Aug 19th,2015 

I feel like he’s slowly getting tired of me. Maybe I’m getting tired of myself I don’t know. But whatever this feeling is I don’t like it - Aug 22nd,2015 

I am always stuck between wanting Gerik to get enough sleep for work and also wanting to be selfish and talk to him all night. It really sucks that my first relationship is long distance. Im usually pretty level headed till I hang out with friends and end up being a third wheel. I love how excited I get when I see him but I also get really sad when I haven’t had enough of him. Does that make sense? I’m literally counting down the days till the next time I get to see him and they feel like forever. I just want to hug him like really just feel the warmth and the security his arms give me. I’m being really extra tonight cause he had to be awake at 7am and I only got to take to him for about 30 minutes. That sounds like a lot but I’m a needy person who wants his attention. I miss him so much :( - Oct 27th,2015 

Its annoying, well I guess in annoying. Its like I always want to be honest with the way I feel. I just can’t do it all the time. Okay, so when you’re upset or start getting upset there is something making you feel that way. My problem is, if I’m being too sensitive or if I am justified for being upset. At times I catch myself getting upset for things that are either out of my control or out of the other parties control. So I keep it to myself its not their problem. However when it comes to Gerik I feel like I over react all the time and I can’t tell if I’m just a fucking baby or I’m right to be angry. I think I annoy him all the time and that he doesn’t really care about the things I say or do. I don’t know, ugh. Like yesterday night we were talking and usually we pause during conversation cause we don’t really have much to say so he hung up assuming I was asleep I called him back and he was answered kinda sounding pissed off and he was like “what!” And I asked him if that was me or him, that hung up, and he said that it was him and kinda asked why I called him back and groaned about it. So yeah I got upset and I said “I get it you’re tired I’ll hang up now it’s fine, good night. ” he stopped me from hanging up and he was like “what’s wrong, its okay if we still talk.” I said not everything is fine good night. But he insisted it was okay but it kinda got awkward so i just told him to hang up. I don’t know so I kinda just stopped talking to him to collect my thoughts idk. - Nov 2,2015 

Honestly, leaving San Diego was the hardest thing that I did. I have no idea what came over me but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend , I didn’t want him to get up that morning to get ready for duty. As I was saying goodbye I literally started to cry and I kept on crying an hour into my drive to Vegas. I didn’t let him see my tears cause I’m a G, but they were sure there when he wasn’t looking. He leaves me all the time and I never cried. The two years of if I’ll see him or he’s only here for 2 days then gone for 5 months. I never once cried beside that one time. I love him so, so, much and its kinda scary. He tells me his room still smells like me when he goes in there. Its so funny cause all I did was sleep in his bed. But it makes me sorta happy. I really should have stole one of his shirts. God, I miss him so much. I didn’t know I’m such a baby. Ha. - Nov 17th,2015 

Let me be the first one to tell you how much better I feel as a person now that I am no longer with Gerik. You know, it took me a while to realize that he really wasn’t the one for me. It took me almost 2 years and some odd months. I had to stop making up excuses for him. The excuses that this is his first relationship and that he doesn’t understand me as a person and that he’ll learn with time ya know? Well he never did, no matter if I cried to him or if I talked to him. In the end it’s just be that I’m the crazy one or that it’s my fault. Never once did I remember him taking the blame for anything. Not that it was always his fault but the fact that he’d never own up to it when it was. I felt like I was just used sexually he’d only ever put any effort when he thought we were gonna do “something” later on in the night. I always felt that he only was with me because I was the only thing available to him. He never really took the time to get to know me as a person he knew what everyone else knew the basics. I never felt genuinely loved in my relationship with him. I convinced myself over and over again that I was loved. I’m just really sad that I had to experience the things that I did to just realize that he wasn’t the one I needed to wake up to everyday ya know? I tell everyone that I want to get over what Edwin did to me but I get really scared. I still get scared when someone gets in the same position he did to me. I start to feel dirty. I start to get flash backs and start to get defensive. I know that gerik would never force himself on me or anything but when he got on top of me like that I started to freak out. I yelled and got so defensive and the fact that he didn’t get off right away scared the shit out of me. I don’t know man. It just really felt like he didn’t care for me man. So now I want to talk about Ramon, he’s such a sweet heart. I know that I won’t be dating him anytime soon I’m still recovering but he’s such an amazing person. And let me state that no, I did not leave gerik for Ramon. I left gerik for me and myself only. I am my own person and I can do whatever I feel is right for me. But Ramon actually listens to what I have to say and what I have on my mind and understands me emotionally. And that’s all that I have been looking for my whole life. I hope this isn’t just my distraction and that this is something that is good for me. The only thing I worry about is how we will mix as people. To me he’s really nice and cool but outside of that he might be hard to get along with. Ya know? He’s a thug, and active gang member. So I hope I’m not mixing with the wrong crowd but I will stay true to myself all the way. I like Ramon for Ramon, and will not labels change my opinion. I just know he gets me in ways I wish other people did. Almost like serigo understood me but in a goofy way and that’s my favorite part. Ughhhh so that’s where I am in life right now. I’m just going to concentrate on doing me. And loving myself more. And Ramon is a great distraction from feeling lonely. A real good one. - April 16th,2016 

And now i am with my amazing boyfriend for about 1 year, yeah we hit major bumps in the road but now were just growing <3