#wow that's a difference in tone

[itsagrummel]

Otfried Preußler: Krabat's parents died from the pest. He is a beggar boy now. It is winter. Jurij Brězan: There once fell a stone from the sky and the stone burst into pieces and out of the pieces came Krabat and Krabat was a human who came to do what had to be done.

[randomfoggytiger]

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Babylon), Part V

Babylon. 

Oh, Babylon. 

Oh, so-bad-my-computer-keyboard-died-for-a-few-days Babylon. 

BABYLON

‘Kay, dude’s praying. Dude’s blessing his food before eating. 

Music’s kicking up, something bad’s gonna happen. 

Dude smiles at Texan women, they don’t smile back, wait--

WAIT. 

Dude’s in his car, people pull up by his side and just start racially mocking… him? 

……………………………………………’Kay. 

Picked up a friend, nice little kiss, greeting…. Waiting for this to go badly. 

They’re praying with conjoined hands…………………………………………

‘Kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. 

I will say, if they’re going to do a terrorist plot, there had better be a lot of complexities and nuances explored. 

Oh. 

Building blows up. 

Oh. 

…So, they’re peace-loving dudes who want local women to notice them but were planning on blowing up a building either waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…? 

Let’s get into some sticky facts: Terrorists don’t seek approval from women living outside of the ideal in their minds. We see that consistently in extremist circles-- be it politics, religion, cultural revolution-- and many other branches across the globe. Only hypocrites who espouse one thing but believe another engage in the wiffly-waffly manner demonstrated. 

(Note from the future: Yep, turned out I was right-- dude wasn't actually a terrorist, after all! Not really, guys. Not in his heart of hearts! He thought about blowing up a building, but didn't at the last second.... Great.)

The terrorists-- as we’re led to believe-- here weren’t disdainful of the locals around them. Well, one of them wasn’t. So: are we, the audience, supposed to infer this is a “led astray” morality tale, when the inner, purer heart of First Dude doesn’t… want… to… hurt… anyone? (But does; then doesn't, yet still doesn't interfere with his friend's terrorist initiative?)

Chris Carter, have you seen a manifesto before? Of course you have. And what did those manifestos have in common? A withdrawal from and disgust of humanity that doesn’t follow the terrorist’s morals, from Ted Krazinsky the Unabomber to the plane hijackers of the infamous 9/11 attacks: two extremes acting on the same depraved principle. 

Why are people on fire just… running around. Another point for local ignorance? 

That was a very CC plot point, actually. That was a very Fire plotpoint, actually: oh, look at this idyllic-ish, normal life-- MAN ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE. 

OH, NO. 

Heavenly trumpets were playing before the attacks. 

What. 

WHAT. 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. 

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT. 

OH. 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY SOUL HURTS. 

OH NO. 

I DIDN’T THINK THE TRUMPETS WERE THIS EARLY. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, WHY. 

(Also, we didn’t hear them during the opening, so. Fact check: false. Put that on your mushroom and eat it, Mulder. ……………OHNOTHEMUSHROOMS, NO--)

At least Scully is pushing back against Mulder’s “as if God Himself”: “Since when do you believe in God, Mulder?” And his answering, “I speak merely as an investigator,” is okaaaaaay, is fine.

…If Chris decides to make Mulder a kind of lite believer, he would have to put… SO much work into that. He’s tried in the past (Essence, for example) before immediately taking it back (Existence.) As is his pattern. But if this episode hinges on that belief, or that spark of a belief, in God… ON TOP OF a terrorist plot?? Is he mad??

Mulder and Scully are flirty arguing? Are bantering? In my Chris Carter episode?? This can only lead to evil things. 

OH NO, ARE EINSTEIN AND MILLER (RIP David Duchovny’s son’s name, I guess) IN THIS EPISODE. PLEASE. 

THEY ARE, AREN’T THEY. BECAUSE OF THOSE GIFS OF MULDER AND EINSTEIN. 

CHRIS, YOU EVIL MAN, YOU. I DON’T NEED A FIRE PHOEBE MOMENT WITH SCULLY, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. 

WHY is Mulder quoting Revelations. I get it, he considers it religious or supernatural myth, I get it, but. ...Y'know what? It's fine. He's teasing Scully about it, sure, why not.

This coooooooooooooooooould hypothetically work because it's showing, not telling, the differences in how Mulder and Scully tackle religion now: both are no longer defensive. Good, good points for CC. We need those character development beats. Please, give us a boatload in this series.

Knock, knock. “Anybody there?”

Scully: “Nobody down here except the FBI’s most unwanted.”

Mulder: surprised.

Scully: “I’ve been waiting twenty-three years to say that.” 

Cute. Real cute. 

So, we’re not even pretending that they’re broken up anymore, huh? But we are going to pretend that Mulder and Scully are still “FBI unwanted” when literally no one cares if they’re living or breathing or making out in the basement at this point. 

The mytharc of this show is so disconnected that they don’t even seem attached to the larger plot. 

Like. If you had to nullify Colonization via global warming (which CC didn’t… he did worse, post here), then write that off the table. Instead, it’s moved to later? Sort of? And it’s “the work of men” instead of men and aliens. Because there were no aliens. And Mulder is supposed to be depressed and medicated but got over that by My Struggle I but the plot pretended he didn’t in Founder’s Mutation but Darin gave Mulder a monster case to permanently cure it in Mulder and Scully Meet the Weremonster….

Are ya picking up what I’m putting down, because I’m sick of the repeat at this point, too. 

So, maybe, acknowledge YOUR OWN HISTORY, BABYLON, BEFORE YOU INTRODUCE NEW, SHINY BARBIES. 

(On a sidenote: Scully saying the iconic line didn’t hit right, but technically that would be the time to say it: back-and-forth banter, Mulder teasing her about God, she teasing him with his first words from twenty plus years ago. It’s an okay beat... in theory.)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, they’re here. Kill me. 

Here, Tumblrinas, we see CC attempt to extend his show by introducing possible mock characters that we will come to love and appreciate and tongue-in-cheek hand the show to when David and Gillian pack up and head out. (Because GA said from day one that she was only doing one season, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, remember that?) 

But I’ll bet Babylon tanked so badly that they became risks and liabilities that CC tried to push one more time (My Struggle II) then quit like a bad habit. 

Her name’s not only Einstein but she’s ALSO distantly related. I guess not too distant because they share the same name. 

If these were Mulder and Scully from Wish, I breathlessly wait for the reboot to give us Mulder and Scully from Temu. Plastic health-and-safety risks included.  

I like the guy's tie. See how it's long enough to fit appropriately? (Looking at you, Mulder's Costume Department.)

“Forgive Agent Scully’s impertinence--” WHAT “--she wrote her dissertation on Einstein's Twin Paradox.” 

Um. 

Ummm. 

Mulder's getting Scully back for her jab at Mulder's prickliness to Ted O'Malley in My Struggle I? But it's not a jab? ...Weird.

CC canonized lovesick, blabby husband Mulder, so I guess… if that’s your thing. (There is an argument to be made that that was always canon; but CC, Euroclydon of relationships, made it even more canon. So.) 

We know about Scully’sdissertationonEinstein, CC, WE KNOW THIS. Couldn’t you have written in a reminder... I don't know... competently?? Please??????????

I see. 

The writers are going to use humor to cover a multitude of sins. 

Just. 

Fantastic. 

Scully figures out the new guys are just clones of her and Mulder....

I know I'm already hypothetically dead, but could you resurrect me to do it again? I hate these kinda plots.

Scully likes Einstein because Einstein "can't imagine" why she and her partner are here.............................................................................. On a possible paranormal case. After Einstein has demonstrated her only talent is being snippish and comedically ticked off.

I'll give her actress this, she could be way, way worse. She's doing her best to balance on that thin line between annoying and annoying-with-plausibility.

(Also: the makeup this season? Just as bad as the fashion. The only one here who's sharp and put together is Miller. Speaking of...)

Another sidenote: Miller's inoffensive... well, blandly offensive, I suppose. But. Eh.

I have this on mute, btw. Had to tap out for a bit.

Why didn't they have a believer woman and non-believer Mulder and believer Scu-- oh, wait. That's Doggett and Reyes.

RIGHT, Chris?

Mulder and Scully are marveling over their cutesy little clones, UGH.

TV people are arguing politics and it's at this moment when I remember how well the old series handled the topic.

Politics invades, pervades, whatever-else-word our waking existence 24/7. The show was always aware of politics, but it didn't incorporate modern politics into its series-- instead, it dealt with old, Cold War lingerings or fringe terrorist groups that didn't have a real-world national, nor global, integration. And that leads us to Mulder and Scully: they're not so much investigators as observers, now; and their cases and dynamics are put on pause, constantly, so we can watch political pundits bloviate on politics in the most reductive, watered-down regurgitation possible.

I feel less intelligent by the second, and we're only 7:33 min. in.

MILLER'S SO BAD AT ACTING.

Einstein: "You think anyone takes the X-Files seriously?" Uh. Yeah. Mulder and Scully have already consulted on a case. (I was going to say two cases, but I can't for the life of me remember how Founder's Mutation-- wait. Got it. Yeah, they weren't consultants, then.)

Chris, you can't have it both ways: Mulder and Scully are allowed to do whatever they want in their 50s just because Skinner lured them back to the basement AND they're looked down on and held back by others in the Bureau.

(Note from the future: This discussion becomes relevant later when the episode breaks its own rules.)

You know what? It's not even that. It doesn't matter if the X-Files are taken seriously, they're an offshoot with the least restrictions in the Bureau-- that's "taken seriously" enough. And they're veterans in the field who were called back out of, basically, retirement. That's a big deal.

Not to mention the clingers-on of watercooler talk from the 90s. They might still be rotating theories around twenty-some years later for the younger generation to listen to.

Miller's giving Einstein the "adoring face" and this is more proof that David was telling the truth when he asserted he and Gillian were directed to look fixedly (can't remember his exact word) at each other in each scene.

CC has a "type", and he wants it to extend to all his characters.

Einstein pities Scully. 'Kay. Make me like her less, why don't you? (And yes, I already see the forced writing on the wall-- Einstein learns and grows and changes and WHO CARES.)

"She's clearly in love with him." ...The writers sure love to have other characters declare how in love she is without Scully's say-so, don't they? Yes, it's a comedic bit. And also, she and Mulder have been together how long and we don't hear an "I love you"? Not one bit. (And I'm not even someone who needs or wants an "I love you"... it's just something that struck me, right now.)

SCULLY'S HOLDING HER MOTHER'S COIN NECKLACE LIKE PRAYER BEADS, I GUESS.

CC really loved that bit, I guess.

Baiting another mystery, I guess. (We already know the date on the quarter is when Charlie left, post here.)

Scully decides to team up with younger, hotter Miller. Not Mulder, u-but Scully. ...Which COULD be character growth, but Scully's only initiated her services in the past if she felt a special connection to the case, ala religion....

oh. It just dawned on me.

oh NO.

RELIGION.

Why does Scully call Miller (unless she's fond of him) separate from Mulder?

Why does Mulder call Einstein (who he formed no connection with) separate from Scully?

Or are she and Mulder working behind the scenes to bring the two newbies together or... something?

...Are they writing a slow-burn for their OCs?

WALTERR SKINNER SINGS EINSTEIN'S PRAISES?

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis isn't a reference to Skinner's rumored crush on Scully back-in-the-day, is it? A wink-and-nod at the fans that goes nowhere? Like... I'm all for love no matter the (age-appropriate) age, but SKINNER. Sings EINSTEIN's praises? ...WHY, FOR WHAT?

sHE HELPED SKINNER WITH HIS MIGRAINES.

H...how did she help Skinner with his migraines?

"--Which he claims are due to you [Mulder]." This is a comedic moment but now I'm REALLY wondering if we missed a scene where Skinman got a hands-on experience from one redhead scientist.

(I don't think any of this speculation holds true canonical water... BUT.)

More terrorists are creating bombs, 'kaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Can I skip most of the plot, please.

Einstein is getting on my nerves. The actress is doing her best but.

Mulder is seriously sitting there saying ideas and thoughts have physical, tangible weight.

..................................................I need a scene between he and Scully where we figure out what in the world is going--

Ah. Got it.

CC introduced two green characters because he needs the older ones to keep back JUST enough information so the audience isn't fully informed. Scully's a believer now, so she can fill-in Mulder's blanks (even if she doesn't agree with the minutiae of his theory.) Hence, separate them and preserve the surprise.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...............

Mulder's straight up toying with Agent Einstein at this point and I'm kinda living for it and kinda wanting to explode from my chair.

Mulder calls up Einstein to ditch her flight to Texas so he can wax on about the metaphysics behind his theory.

Einstein doesn't want to waste time when lives could be saved.

Mulder wastes a little more time, then lectures Einstein on wasting time by not cosigning the possibilities of his methods.

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU IN TEXAS, MULDER, WITH SCULLY (note from the future: or without Scully.)

WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE WHEN THIS CONVERSATION COULD BE HAD IN TEXAS WHERE THE BOMBINGS ARE OCCURING.

JUST TAKE A PLANE OUT WITH SCULLY AND JOIN THE AGENTS THERE AND HAVE THIS TALK.

DOESN'T HE END UP IN TEXAS, ANYWAY???? WHY ARE WE HERE, HEARING HIM YODA AT EINSTEIN?????

I will say: this episode is the closest I've gotten to Mulder. Actual, factual Mulder. (Note from the future: My standards are low at this point, okay? But he's not the Mulder we know from S7, S8, S9, or IWTB. Not even the Mulder from My Struggle I... which is a good thing.)

I. I don't know how I feel about that.

He's still Clone!Mulder; but the comedy helps us get back to Mulder's old, light-hearted ways.

Miller's bad acting continues.

Scully's going to use science to communicate with a coma patient.

...And she wishes she'd thought of this while Maggie was alive because now she'll have a mystery that will always remain unsolved (don't worry, I solved it for you, Scully)....

...

......

............

No.

Can I leave, now?

(Note from the future: Her side plot achieves nothing except as a placeholder for her character while Mulder does wild and crazy things.)

This episode is just boring.

Mulder calls Einstein a mugwump; and translates, good-naturedly, that it means "sit down and shut up." Mulder is being a Yoda, but why can't he be a Yoda in Texas???

...Wait, what's a mugwump?

...What. That doesn't make sense....

Einstein (loosely transcribed): I did a ton of school, yet you think I'm stupid?

Mulder: No, you're a mugwump.

Einstein: A what?

Mulder: It means "sit down and shut up."

...How does any of that dialogue fit. We're only supposed to believe it does because the music's comedic and the two actors are verbally sparring.

Also, WOW the pacing and cuts are bad: Mulder and Einstein banter, Scully and Miller talking over loss and scientific possibilities, Mulder and Einstein banter again~~~~~!!!!!!! UGH.

Carter gave us THE SLIDESHOW. Now. In this episode.

He's really trying to tap into the vibes of the old show, but.

The whiplash is jarring: from My Struggle I's dour, strangled rewrite to Founder's Mutation's doubling down to Weremonster's more upbeat, well-received comedic tone, we have Babylon: comedy-dramedy, tripping mushrooms and terrorist attacks.

Yikes.

I'm not as angry as the first two Revival episodes-- those were a spit in the face, this is just an elementary kid waving a hand around for attention-- but it's noooooooooooooooooot well-constructed. By any stretch of the imagination.

(Note from the future: Oh, boy.)

'Kay, Einstein, this is getting old. OH, I KNOW-- she reminds me of C.C. Babcock from The Nanny; and, yes, the irony of C.C.'s name in this series hit me just now.

Guys, are philes mugwumps. Are we mugwumps?

Wait. Okay. Scratch... whatever.

Mulder wants Einstein to inject him with shrooms so he can communicate with the terrorist.

Who is in Texas.

While Mulder Yoda is in D.C. Are we seeing the first big hurdle here?

Secondly. Why mushrooms, why this case?

If, IF CC handled this with skill, he'd have Mulder bring up his experience in Field Trip-- how he communicated with Scully's mind while both were in a repressed, almost comatic, state.

But he would also have to explain the toll of that experience: the repercussions, the recovery, and why Mulder trusts EINSTEIN over SCULLY to administer him with said mushrooms.

(Note from the future: Which they address, a little, then not at all. It doesn't make sense, shocker.)

Also, WHAT IN THE WORLD is this subplot doing in a terrorist episode??? Maybe if the terrorists were separated by distance but committing acts at the same time-- and Mulder could prove their actions weren't pre-planned-- THEN this theory MIGHT have legitimacy. But in this case, they were two dudes in the same location who just walked into a building and blew up. No telepathy (that we know of) involved.

And how did Mulder get from Heavenly Trumpets to Mushroom Telepathy?????????????????????????

I'm Einstein. Asking Mulder why he isn't asking Scully to help him and realizing he hasn't told Scully any of this because of a recent close brush with death (though I wouldn't call Maggie's decline a "near-death experience" for Scully, Chris. Those words mean something else in English, Chris.)

So... Mulder and Scully are working as separate operatives, without the other realizing. Why. Why are they sneaking around-- because of the trauma Maggie's death put Scully through??? Did the writers think this was a clever incorporation of Maggie's death? Because this is negligence and unintelligence at best.

I'm Einstein, who correctly calls this a "lunatic scheme."

Mulder's "So that's a maybe" explains the Chinga calls.

Miller looking at the suicide bomber: "It's hard to imagine there's someone in there when you really see 'em." That's. Nice. For other patients and their families to hear. And to say in front of a colleague who recently lost her own mother. This guy's an idiot.

Scully finally has a blouse that is appropriately styled. She can wear her low-cut in a work-appropriate fashion (heh), I see.

"I'm open to whatever."

"I'm sure you are, Agent Miller."

"I believe so many answers lie beyond the pale--" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, I don't care.

Scully is charmed and believes he believes.

SCULLY IS GOING TO COMMUNICATE WITH A COMA PATIENT VIA ELECTRO-WHATEVER STIMULATION. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkay.

Miller continues to be an idiot.

Department of Homeland Security is kicking them out and is being weirdly racist about this when he would be working in intelligence circles and would know this is a bigger picture than "race I don't like did a thing I don't like to the people I do like."

WHY does this show treat us like idiots? Government forces in the OG show intervened because there was a bigger picture Mulder and Scully were upsetting; or when they were on strict coverup orders. Here, Scully and Miller could get information out of a terrorist BUT Homeland Security shuts them down because "do you think he'd say anything, anyway?" It's not even an argument about a waste of time or resources, nor the unfounded nature of their methods. No. It's just racism. Wow.

"By any moral definition, this body is dead." NO, IT'S NOT. What. NO ONE THINKS LIKE THAT. WHAT.

ARE THE SECURITY AGENTS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT RIGHT-WING INTERESTS???? BECAUSE IN THAT CASE, THEY'D CONSIDER THIS TERRORIST STILL ALIVE AND KEEP HIM ON LIFE SUPPORT UNTIL HE IS CONFIRMED DEAD WHILE HOPING HE RECOVERS SO THEY CAN BARBECUE HIM ON THE ELECTRIC CHAIR. WRITERS, DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THE OTHER SIDE ENOUGH TO MAKE INTELLIGENT CRITIQUE AGAINST THEM? HOW DID YOU HANDLE THIS BETTER IN THE 90S THAN THE TRUMP ERA 2015-2016s????

"This body here isn't a human." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. WHATWHATWHATNONONONONONO.

Did... did the white guys communicate to the other in a different language? Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis this a clue or something? Are they being... controlled by the shroomed up terrorists? Or?

Miller whips out his phone, takes their pics, and is going to text them to superiors. I guess. Which. Isn't a stuuuuupid plan? Except I don't know enough about protocol to know if it is or not; so, it might be.

Einstein sees Scully talking with Miller-- she's in Texas, YEP-- realizes something's a foot, and....

Wait, no. She gets JEALOUS and calls in Mulder.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Look, she did the Scully tucked-in-neck-thing, isn't that funny???

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

They're all in Texas now.

Mulder's wiggling his way over in his too tight Patriarchy Pants. (One day I will watch him tilt to and fro without thinking of a Marilyn Monroe shimmy, but this season is not that season.)

She just. hands him. the mushrooms. in public. She, a medical doctor, gave him illegal drugs in Texas because she was jealous. ...UGH.

Mulder asks what changed her mind. He's gonna realize she's jealous, got it, but I just remembered: these pills are placebo. And that Mulder's gonna go on a trip without any drugs in his system. .......................................'Kay.

Einstein straight up admits to jealousy-- her animus has "nothing professional about it"-- and says "my loss is your gain" and also "I'll deal with Agent Miller later" and CC STRAIGHT UP IS TELLING US HE KNOWS THERE ARE ROMANTIC ANGLES IN BOTH PARTNERSHIPS AND NO ONE'S HIDING IT ANYMORE. WHILE ALSO ASSERTING THIS ISN'T A DOMESTIC SHOW.

RIGHT.

Wait. Einstein believes Mulder can communicate with the terrorist via these drugs. ...Nah, I know she's pulling his leg because these pills are placebo. (But they still drug him, but anyway.) Which means she manipulated Mulder's trust to bring him over to maybe or maybe not help a real, legitimate case-- which she adamantly didn't want to waste time over, earlier.... Give me a sec.

Einstein considered Mulder's shroom theory to be "lunatic" and a waste of time.

Einstein did not want to waste time on a terrorist bombing case and left.

Einstein drops into Texas, sees Miller with Scully, and gets insanely jealous-- not professionally jealous, just jealous.

Einstein calls Mulder over to Texas-- even though Mulder should have followed her and Miller down, not recalled her back to Washington for plot reasons but ANYWAY-- and admits pretty clearly that this is because she is jealous.

Einstein outright states she knows "her loss" (Scully on the Miller-Einstein team) is "his gain" (translation: "Take her back, Agent Mulder.")

Einstein will now waste precious time and resources giving Mulder a placebo and delaying whatever other solutions the four could explore, together, because of her jealousy EVEN THOUGH she was adamantly against doing such a thing five minutes ago.

Mulder's supposed to be on depression meds and doesn't tell Einstein, nor does Einstein ask if he's on any meds. Further proof Mulder "cured" his depression, I GUESS.

Mulder was just gonna sit in D.C. if Einstein didn't subscribe to his theory. WHY PURSUE THE TRUTH, ANYWAY, EVEN IF THEY DON'T WANNA DO IT YOUR WAY, HUH, MULDER?

The Revival equally butchers all of its characters, nice.

Texan walks back and nods at Mulder as Einstein is explaining that she believes this will work-- sure, Jan-- but doesn't know what he or Mulder will say to each other. Mulder's response? "How do you say 'Howdy, Partner' in Arabic?"

...Why must CC only write Mulder as himself by putting in punchlines that make no sense in context?

At least David gets to get in touch with Mulder's lighter side-- which was a core trait of Mulder's, unless he was deeply moody or sardonic. (But those deeply moody or sardonic moments can't stick around in this series despite quite literally being coded into his character via depression. That he kicked either before My Struggle I, after My Struggle I, post Founder's Mutation, or during Weremonster-- take your pick.)

Miller and Scully are bringing science thingies into the--

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT. Random agent guy is randomly clearing the hospital because of a possible threat that he takes seriously because of an unassimilated Muslim community around and WHAT IN THE WHATWHAT IS THIS.

I'm not touching this stupidity with a ten-foot pole because there can be no rationalization of irrational writing.

All men in the government think all Muslims think highly of Osama Bin Laden-- Bot 2.0 behavior, and the writers think this is nuanced writing, I swear.

Now he's straight up talking religion. Is THIS the best these writers can do with mainstream religious people-- not even religious extremists, but anti-Muslim rhetoric? THIS is the best they can do?

At least Scully and Miller have shown two separate antagonistic forces the door.

Miller is such a bad actor.

Oh, look, the nurse is going to do something bad with the killer. Ohhhh, nooooooooooooooooooooo. More bigotry, I guess. The nurse looks like Diana Fowley in some angles, fyi.

Also.

Is this episode trying to make us feel anger for a terrorist without yet providing the audience with a reason why???? Because that sounds like kid gloves and terrible writing to me~~~~. Sounds like the Pedo Priest in IWTB all over again. Whoop-de-doo.

Mulder and Einstein walk in before the nurse can finish the job, now we gotta hear the nurse go on a stereotypical "taking all our jobs" rant. Throw in the "illegal" part first, sweetheart, or you just sound like a watered-down, outta touch rant.

Here's a mini rant of my own: this is what happens when show writers who are no political writers try to write outside their niche. Politics is a tricky, layered topic that shouldn't, can't, be watered down into straw man stereotypes. This is a nuanced conversation that deserves respect, that deserves to have all the angles explored if they must be.

Babylon fails on all levels: the comatose villain-turned-victim; the obnoxious, over-inflated bigotry; the hackneyed religious ideology; the preschooler understanding of metaphysics; the simple-minded decisions penned by equally self-conscious and self-involved writers; the dismal directing and editing and publishing of this finished product. All so grossly incompetent that it would boggle the mind if I hadn't seen (or heard) of worse.

The scene immediately takes a turn for the comedic when Mulder signals he's gonna take a mushroom capsule and Einstein is left to escort the rambling nurse-- who the audience knows is an attempted murderer-- out the door so he can do his shenanigans. Peppy music picks up to help transition us, the goldfish, alongside the genius of this pacing.

Breathtaking.

Oh, wait, look at this: these side-profile shots look exactly like Mulder from the 90s, huh. Oh, that's kinda cool.

Too bad it's wasted.

I will say: I originally thought Mulder found a pile of drugs from some evidence and tried it without supervision and got elevated. By comparison, this makes more sense.

Now.

Does it make sense sense? No, because this plot has not justified, AT ALL, why Mulder arrived at this theory and conclusion. If it had been case or character related, then I have no problem with him licking fake blood or drilling a hole in his skull; but this idea only wormed its way into the episode to get Mulder wasted. He can get micro-dosed, doctor-approved shrooms all he wants, but the plot-- with a life on the line and more potentialities still at large-- is waaaaaaay too flippant with his approach. WAY too much.

If Mulder from Pine Bluff Variant could only see him now.

Keyboard's dying again, so I'm gonna keep this tight.

Nurse is still rambling to Einstein in the hallway about her "research" and "theories" about the UN, etc. etc., and why is this still going?

Mulder just... floated out of the hospital. In any other circumstance, this could have been funny. But in this episode, with these nuances at stake?

Plus, we all know Mulder gets INSANELY paranoid when high (i.e. Anasazi and Kill Switch and Field Trip, and my post here), not extroverted. He seems more David than Mulder here. As in, an exact copy.

Welp, both Clone!Mulders have left the building because what is this, WHO IS THIS, you lost me.

WHY'S SKINNER IN THIS SCENE WATCHING THE BOOTY DANCERS???????? (I know it's because Mulder's subconscious is working him into the trip, but STILL.)

LANGLEY?????????????? WHY'S LANGLEY HERE?????

WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS THIS, MULDER THE BOOTY WARRIOR?????????????????????????????????????????????? EVEN IF HE'S HIGH, THIS ISN'T A MULDER THING TO DO. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IS HAPPENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

FROHIKE??????????????????? THEN WHY IS LANGELY HERE????

If these are a fever dream of reality and Mulder's subconscious, do you think these are also memories from a wild night with TLG?

Mulder got snapped out of his fantasy to a paranoid reality, and I say "Too little, too late."

NO.

NO, THIS IS WORSE, WHAT IS THIS.

BULL-WHIPPING EINSTEIN, CSM, AND RESCUE BY A MOTHER FIGURE, WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHAT IS GOING ON, WHERE AM I, WHY IS MULDER HALF-NAKED, WHAT ARE THESE GALLEON CHANTS, GET ME HOME, TAKE ME OUT BACK, AND PUT ONE RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES.

That's not Jesus the Son of God, btw, that's the dying, broken body of a terrorist, martyr of a... WE'RE NOT EVEN TOLD THE CAUSE, ONLY OTHER PEOPLES' REACTIONS TO IT. WE'RE 3/4s OF THE WAY THROUGH AND THE INVESTIGATION HAS NO MOTIVE OTHER THAN "MUSLIM": WE'RE NOT TOLD BACKGROUND, BELIEFS, ODD BEHAVIOR, NOTHING ABOUT THIS CASE-- for maximum ~mystery~ enhancement, no doubt-- LIKE WE HAVE FOR EVERY OTHER EPISODE.

DID ANYONE EVEN TRY, OR WAS THIS A "FOR THE VIBES" ENDEAVOR???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHY IS THERE A COMEDY BEAT-CHANT BY GRIM REAPERS WHILE MULDER STANDS, SHIRTLESS, IN A BOAT???????????????

Hands down, the placebo clashed with his depression meds and this is the result. Always inform your doctor about your medical history, kids.

That's the real message: Don't Do Drugs And Have Visions, or you, too, could internationally embarrass yourself as a writer.

Terrorist flashback. The laziest one I've seen.

Scully's back at his bedside. SCULLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE TERRORIST'S NAME, AGENT MILLER CAN SPEAK ARABIC, AND DO EITHER OF THEM KNOW MULDER'S BEEN IN OR OUT? WHERE'S EINSTEIN.

Skinner, thank heavens, you're here to save me.

Mulder wakes and says...

Ahem.

Mulder wakes from an incredibly wild high featuring a memory from the dying man that might or might not help... and the first thing he tells Skinner is...

is, "Where's your hat?"

...

There's too much comedy in this episode. I distinctly feel as if this was a serious, contemplative piece-- or CC wanted it to be-- but because Weremonster was so well-received, he took a swing for the comedic. It. doesn’t. work. 

Uh, oh, Tumbr’s down. 

(I’m not kidding when I say tech hates me. If there’s any way for it to torment me, it will.) 

“Dude,” says Mulder…. “Yikes,” says I. 

“‘Dude’, you were an embarrassment,” says Skinner. “SOMEBODYSAIDIT,” says I. He summed up the whole ep. 

Placebo pills. 

Mulder pokes Skinner in the gut and says “No, you were there” exactly like he did to Scully in Triangle; and if that’s not a callback, I don’t know what is. 

So, placebo pills and Almighty visions, got it. 

Mulder trying to convince Skinner with badonkadonk talk instead of asking for Scully-- he knows she’s here, it’s been more than twelve hours (come to think of it, why hasn’t Scully called? She doesn’t know he’s here. For all she knows, he could be in D.C. being unusually, perhaps dangerously, quiet)-- and he might as well have someone on his team, right? Right? 

So Skinner WASN’T there. So these were illusions Mulder made up…. Or visions. OR. He knows about Skinner’s wild life-- maybe saw him while out with TLG once?-- and Skinman’s trying to cover up whatever Mulder might blurt. 

THE “FRIGHTENED, MIDDLE-AGED TEXANS” LINE WASN’T SKINNER’S???? UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH. MY HEART JUST BROKE. WHY THEY GIVE THAT GEM TO EINSTIEN??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Wait. 

Mulder sees a woman outside and recognzes her from his dream. 

The FBI immediately parts and lets him out to let her in.

 The FBI. set aside protocol. 

For a guy who was in a wheelchair without any FBI badge on him 

To bring an unauthorized woman in. 

Either they have the worst security in the world, or ther recognized Mulder onsite and acquiesced immediately to him. 

 Meaning, Mulder IS well-known and respected in the FBI. 

WHICH IS AGAINST EVERYTHING THIS EPISODE IS BEATING US OVER THE HEAD WITH. 

ALL THE DRAMATIC MUSIC THE KICKS UP WHEN THE LADY SEES HER SON-- LOOK AT MULDER WHO’S GOT HER, LOOK AT SCULLY’S WHO’S REMINDED OF HER OWN MOTHER, LOOK AT THESE AGENTS WATCHING MULDER BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER--

Got it. 

His brainwaves kicked up when his mother talked, of course. 

The mom is giving the whole “there’s no way you did this, your heart is too big for this, this isn’t how I raised you” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… we’ll see how this goes. 

Wait. 

The mom is reinterpreting his actions because he’s telepathically telling her what really happened: that he chickened out and didn’t blow the people up. 

Um. 

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. 

In her dreams and in her prayers, ‘kay. 

Guy’s dying. Scully’s just standing there as he’s dying, not doing anything. 

Mulder thinks this is the perfect moment to walk around the room saying, “He spoke to me” on repeat. WE KNOW. 

Camera cuts to black. 

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. 

Mulder turns and walks out, not answering Scully or Miller, camera’s spinning around him and back and forth as Mulder says “I can explain but I can’t, he spoke to me in words I didn’t understand, it was Arabic” WHO CARES. WHO HONESTLY, REALLY CARES. 

“BABYLON THE HOTEL” IS WHAT THE NOT-TERRORIST-DREAM-GUY SAID IN THE DREAM. 

Reminds me of that one Harrison Ford movie where he lost his memory and a bit of his cognitive function and remembered Ritz and everyone thought it was Ritz crackers but it turned out to be a hotel where he’d been carrying on an affair. 

Anyway. 

There, the FBi showed up, slowmo of them taking down the terrorists, case solved, the end. Momma's love gave her visions and she saved her boy in the eyes of herself and like, four other people.

Why did this episode steal Weremonster's tone and Home Again's loud music integration? Wait, no, scratch the last one: it's just CC's mood music.

Einstein pats her boy metaphorically on the back, she has her hair down, she's changed; Miller doesn't feel like he helped but he did, guys, he does so good at beach.

SKIPPING THE MORAL AT THE END, GET ME TO MULDER AND SCULLY--

WAIT.

Einstein: "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious-- the source of all true art and science." WHAT DOES THIS QUOTE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?????????????????? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THEME, WHAT WOULD--

She gets snippy because he says something, he puts his earbuds back in, THAT'S COMEDY, GUYS, SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP--

oh, look, Mulder's listening to Music TM too, just like Miller. Just like us, the audience. Just like all who combine art and science and the mystery of--

(What did music have to do with this case, other than playing obnoxiously over the funny bits or tender moments... neither of which were really present, but.)

We're all united by our similarities, we all love music, right guys? We all want redemption and to be understood and to love, right guys??

OH, WAIT, NO.

THE HEAVENLY TRUMPETS.

I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE.

THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, AREN'T THEY???

THAT'S WHY EVERYONE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

Here comes Scully, guys, because this was all about love, remember? He's alone on his porch but she joins him, GET IT?

"Talk to me, Mulder."

"Oh, where to begin."

At least we know how their conversations go.

They both saw things, guys: he saw unconditional love, she saw hate without an end. But WE'RE ALL UNITED BY THE LOVE OF THE HUMAN HEART, THE BREADTH OF THE HUMAN SOUL, THE COMMONALITY OF THE HUMAN CONDITION, LET US ALL HOLD HANDS AND REJOICE AND NOT KISS ON-SCREEN BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE COOTIES.

"Walk with me, Scully."

They're walking.

He's thinking about God, the angry God of the Bible, and his differing thoughts and etc. etc. and this isn't a bad scene but I know it will end with poor writing and I'm... salty about that. (Why can't we have two mature adults talking over their fluctuating opinions on sensitive topics through a complicated, educated lens? Instead of... this?)

"He," Scully says, referring to the God of her Bible, "is the same angry God of the Koran." Which is an attempt to meet in the middle but, uh, perhaps isn't the best way to tackle this issue. Y'know. With the whole "angry" and "punishing" angle.

"Ordering death to the infidels." Uh. The only way DD and GA got away with this episode, in my opinion, was because they delivered these lines with care-- as if they want to understand, and have already embraced, other faiths. Because. Man. This could have ended badly for their careers.

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Mulder and Scully are both just... accepting that the anger of the Christian and Koran god is leading both sides to put on suicide vests (in the case of terrorists) or perpetuate hatred and murder (the Homeland Security officers and the nurse)...

But the Christian and Muslim faith is supposed to be about peace. Loving one another. That there's more in common than not. That their God is one of love-- how do you get "angry god" out of THAT????? THAT'S THE MESSAGE you come away with???? Really??????????????????????????????????

And this is directed at BOTH Muslims AND Christians, so I don't get why both religious sects haven't denounced this as foolish, ridiculous, even bigoted against their beliefs. Why's Scully just accepting all this when she SHOULD have asserted those are men twisting religion to fit their own ends, as she has in the past???????????????????????????

"Those boys swallowed a pill. It's the power of suggestion." ...Welp, this takes on a darker connotation with the rise of the Red Pill. BUT, since CC can't read the future: whaaaaaaaaaaaat does this have to do with an angry God or music or eternal love or unending hate?

NONE. OF. THIS. HOLDS. TOGETHER.

"Something to trump all hatred," Mulder says. Ah, Trump. Trumpet. Politics and music and love eternal all colliding. ...Don't you just feel so head patted right now? "Mother love."

"Woah," says Scully, leaning back. And yeah, hard agree.

HE WANTS TO BELIEVE THAT MOTHERS AREN'T HAVING BABIES TO BE MARTYRS; AND SCULLY BELIEVES CHILDREN AREN'T TOOLS TO SPREAD HATRED.

PLACEBO PILLS AND TRUMPETING-- WHICH WAS MENTIONED ONCE AT THE BEGINNING AND ONCE AT THE END AND NEVER AGAIN-- AND HATRED AND LOVE AND MOTHER LOVE??????????????????????? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGS HAVE NARRRRRRRRRRRRRATIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVELY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIN COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON?????

"FINDING A COMMON LANGUAGE AGAIN," WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

PLACEBO PILLS AND MUSIC AND LOVE AND HATRED AND ANGRY GODS AND MOTHERLY LOVE AND COMMON LANGUAGE???????????? NONE OF THAT FORMS A COHESIVE NARRATIVE, WHAT IS HAPPENING??????????????????????????????

"Maybe that's God's Will," Scully asserts.

"How can we really know?" Mulder asks, genuinely.

And I scream in torment and bang my head against the wall.

YOU RUINED A POSSIBLE EXPLORATION INTO SCULLY'S FAITH ON MULDER'S PART-- TO BETTER UNDERTAND IT-- BY SPOUTING CHRISTIANISMS AND MAKING ZERO SENSE AND NOT PROVIDING A LICK OF SENSE AND I'M SO MAD YOU JUST STOMPED ON A NICHE INTEREST OF MINE, WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS???????????????????????????? IT'S NOT HARD!!!!!!

"He's absent from the stage," Mulder continues; and there goes that fleeting religious exploration.

"Maybe it's beyond words. Maybe we should do like the prophets and... open our hearts," Scully replies.

What.

What.

WHAT Biblical prophet "opened his heart"?????? They were there to pronounce judgment upon Israel from God, from the angry God you mentioned earlier???? The peace and love part came from Jesus later on, and those weren't prophets who carried on his message THEY WERE APOSTLES, SCULLY, YOU'RE CATHOLIC, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS. I'M NOT CATHOLIC AND I KNOW THIS.

Is this an all-inclusive prophet thingy to include Islam?????? Or????

Why does this music sound like something David Duchovny would listen to?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMPETS?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

THE "I BELONG WITH YOU, YOU BELONG WITH ME" SONG IS PLAYING???????????? THE MEME SONG????????????? THE ROMANTIC SONG???????????????????? WHAT, ARE THE CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO MAKE OUT WITH MUSLIMS NOW OR SOMETHING???????????? ARE THE ANGELS CUEING UP MUSIC SO MULDER WILL KISS HIS GIRL OR SOMETHING, WHAT'S GOING ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN???????????????????

There must be lead poisoning in Mulder's depression pills he no longer needs, because this is concerning now.

CONCLUSION

What a poorly done episode.

Not as structurally infuriating as My Struggle I and Founder's Mutation-- the aforementioned episodes never stuck to any single plot point, narrative, or emotion-- but it's not. It's not good.

I will say: Mulder floating out of the hospital and doing a few steps here or there on the dance floor would have been… okay? But when he did flips, got lost in booty debauchery, and ascended to some sort of astral plane… that’s where everyone was, collectively, no longer in reality.  (Get it? Because we all speak one language, have one love, yadda yadda, yadda.)

Yeahhhhhhh.

My final thoughts? I'd watch this over the other episodes because it does the least damage to mainline canon. Hopefully that'll never happen ever again.

I refuse to watch the two Struggle episodes, so.

Bye, bye, Season 10! I won't be missing you!

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[corpocyborg]

"I know all about you, Morinth. Why would you even try seducing me?"

[synthaphone]

@pinkpalmingo @atapi wahhh thank you so much for the thoughtful asks; i really appreciate it!!! its really neat to hear an outside perspective on what makes my art distinctive- i often have trouble picking out what might stand out about it, myself

@rustedmoose

ITS BEEN 14 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!

[the-thirteen-horsemen]

what if. what if i make a stardew valley mod except its just fucking dsaf characters and instead of farming you work at bear. and have an option to break into jack's house and get into the flipside n shit. kinda like dayshift of dating and stardew valley get married into one

also you can romance literally anyone (-blackjack and dee) there are no limits to who you can date (except blackjack and dee like i said)

[the-takosader]

While we're in the prep phase for the Crusader...

...let's go through the Ideas Archive, explore the stuff that's shelved, canned or otherwise not happening right now. This'll be the new pinned post, so I'll use this as a place to put everything I'm currently working on, and what I might do at some point.

Current:

The Crusader, a mix of Burns Double Six, PRS CE24 and Rickenbacker 4001, combined with influences from Hamer, Gibson and Fender. Note: this build is currently in the wood prep phase (stripping pieces of mahogany and sapele door for use in the guitar body and neck) as of 21/11/2024, and will likely take a year at my current progression rate.

Shelved:

Fender Marauder Build (yes, I still want to do this. The Crusader evolved from this, so it's still on the cards)

Casino Humbucker Mod

G6122 Country Gentleman '62 Style

Crest Replica (NEW!)

Telecaster Bass VI (kit body, custom neck)

Lennon Les Paul Jr. Replica (kitbash)

Höfner Violin Bass from scratch

Canned:

Lerxst 355 Replica

Acoustic Rickenbacker 360/12C63

Telecaster-Shaped Red Special (TSRS)

Plausible:

A non-specific doubleneck.

Resonator acoustic (kit build)

Completed:

Fretless Stratocaster

Cherry XII/Tele-Shaped Rickenbacker (TSR)

So, let's review top to bottom.

The Crusader:

I don't need to explain this much, I've already made a long-ass post about this. As said above, it's a mix of a Burns Double Six, PRS CE24 and Rickenbacker 4001 combined with influences from Hamer, Gibson and Fender.

The design is set in stone, aside from the exaggeration of the upper horn. You'd understand if there was a picture around here of the Burns. In the meantime, I'll get on with describing the others.

Fender Marauder Build:

Not the wackiest idea here, not by a long shot. As previously described, the Marauder is the culmination of Fender's offset guitars, featuring the switching of a Jaguar, the lead-rhythm circuit of a Jazzmaster, parts of the trem system of a Mustang, modified to fit with the pickguard and general aesthetics of a Jag. It even gave the Starcaster, the only semi-hollow by my reckoning that Fender still produces, it's headstock, something Fender afficionados call the "running shoe", at least, that's what my aunt calls it. Considering the contour gets filled in by paint, it's not hard to see her point.

The issue with doing this one is that barely anyone does Marauder vibrato plates. And to do this from scratch? Yeah, I need to find someone who would do the specific metal pieces I'd need, that being the Jag-style metal plate for the lead-rhythm circuit, the switch plate for the pickup switches, the extra long control plate, and that Marauder vibrato plate.

Yeah, if I ever find somewhere that does metal parts out of aluminium or something, I'm gonna get them to do the metal parts of this. Next item on the list!

Casino Humbucker Mod:

This one should be self-explanatory - take an Epiphone Casino, stick some P90-sized humbuckers in there. The only caveat is that they have to be hidden and mounted via dogear P90 covers, which isn't too much of an ask; this guy in Manchester does custom pickups, even hand-winds them. Certainly sounds appealing, may go for those. Next one!

G6122 Country Gentleman:

Yeah, uh... this one's shelved with good reason.

For context, the G6122, more commonly known as the Country Gentleman, is one of Gretsch's most famous guitar models, up there with the Duo-Jet, the Tennessean (now Tennessee Rose) and the one that Malcolm Young gutted and modded for his purposes as the rhythm guitarist of AC/DC. Gretsch list it as the "Jet" but I have no clue if that's a different model to the Duo-Jet or it's a variation, or whatever.

My aim with this would be to make as accurate a recreation of the Country Gent as I could with the documentation and information present on the internet. That means making it with 3-ply maple veneer top, back and sides, utilisng the thumbnail inlays on an ebony fingerboard, slotted for 24.6" (24.75" if you measure from the middle of the nut), with the same style of tuner, the little plaque on the headstock, the vinyl/leather pad on the back of the body covering a backplate access hatch, and all around trying to recreate this mad thing.

The only downside is the cost, because I'd need to source TV Jones Filter'Trons (not hard), maple veneer (harder), Grover Imperials or lookalikes (very hard!), and figure out how to make a veneer press, and how to shape the slightly arched top and back in a 3-ply veneer, not to mention the Bigsby, all the spare parts, the flip-up foam mutes that Jimmie Webster came up with (and also patented).

In short, the entire project is shelved. For the foreseeable future, until I can source all this stuff myself. Onto the next one!

Crest Replica:

This is a new one, inspired by an admittedly newfound appreciation for the Gibson Crest.

...oh right, I should explain what that is.

The Gibson Crest, as a name, refers to 2 different models, respectively produced around the late 1950s to early 1960s and between 1969 and 1972, with a one-off model of the latter style produced in 1983 for that year's Winter NAMM show. Said model is in the possession of guitar collector and YouTuber Trogly, who runs the eponymous Trogly's Guitar Show on YouTube. At first, I thought he was a bit of a knob, or at least a bit naïve, but as it turns out, his show's a good way to pass the time, and satiates the GAS (gear acquisition syndrome) that guitarists seem to get pretty damn often (as far as I know).

The former is estimated to have been produced a total of no more than six times, each custom orders put in by Gibson salesman-clinician and budding guitarist, Andy Nelson. Due to the nature of being entirely custom orders, no one knows the exact specs as they would obviously vary between examples as each guitarist would want something unique.

The body shape is assumed to be reminiscent of a similar model that Gibson were producing around this time: the L-5CT, that being a jazz archtop around the thickness of a Gibson Byrdland, but with a Venetian cutaway, a singular humbucker, a toggle switch next to the cutaway on "deluxe" models (models with 2 pickups as stock) and a trapeze tailpiece paired with a "floating" or freely moveable bridge.

One example of the original Crest, however, had a thinline single-cutaway body with a Florentine cutaway, as opposed to the Venetian cutaway of the L-5CT. It featured a carved spruce top, maple back and sides, with a 7-ply bound top, and a 3-ply bound back, as well as a pickguard made not of plastic, but of alternating dark and light plies of maple.

Now, that's interesting, because (and this is a personal side tangent because this guitar is so very unknown because of Google's overuse of SEO and keywords) the only other guitar Gibson produced with a wooden pickguard that I can think of is the Gibson The Les Paul, produced between 1976 and 1980, and that was only because the way Norlin-era Gison constructed these things, everything was either wooden or metal, with plastic being used as little and as sparingly as possible. The switch tip was rosewood, the binding for the body was rosewood, the veneer on the headstock was rosewood as opposed to holly, the knobs were rosewood, the pickup rings were rosewood. About the only thing I can find that wasn't wooden or metal is the inlays, which are actual abalone, and the binding for the headstock, which appears to be plastic, though this might not be the case.

Point is, the guitar was designed with one main principle in mind: "Can it be rosewood? Yes? Make it rosewood." That's why they now go for around £35k and rarely ever sell.

But anyway back to the Nelson Crest. Yes, that's what I'm calling it, it's better than calling it Crest 1 or Crest Custom. The example I'm drawing from here had bound f-holes, was stained cherry red like most of the ES models around the time, and had an HS pickup layout, with the usual number of volume and tone controls, and a toggle switch in the usual mounting place for an ES model guitar, that being near the treble-side f-hole.

According to the source I'm getting all this from (an article on the Gruhn's Guitars website), it also had a Switchmaster tone switch and was wired for stereo output. The floating bridge, as it was an archtop, was mounted on a rosewood "foot" which was inlaid with mother-of-pearl decorations. The bridge itself, meanwhile, was your bog standard late '50s, early '60s Gibson ABR-1 without retaining wire for the saddles, while the tailpiece has the diamond ornamentation seen on a Casino/ES-330 while also incorporating a shield and coat-of-arms motif.

This motif is continued on the absolutely gigantic headstock, which had individual Grover Imperial tuners, and an inlay featuring a coat of arms with three Moorish crescents on the shield. The fretboard is given the top-level treatment of the era, as is to be expected of a custom build, with 3-ply binding all-around, and Super 400 inlays up to the 17th fret, unsurprising for an archtop. The truss rod cover, meanwhile, is a sort of merger between the typical shape for a Gibson, and the art deco movement which was starting up in the early '60s, with it being a trapezoid interpretation of the standard Gibson bell shape.

This is one of the few images I can find of the original style of Crest, in all its resplendent late 1950s glory:

As you can see, it's basically everything I mentioned above, down to the cherry red stain.

So, that's the Nelson Crest, in all of its custom and stupidly insane glory. It'd be an interesting challenge to replicate that thing, but that's not the one I want to replicate, not by a long shot.

The Crest that I do want to replicate, however, is more reminiscent of a short-neck ES-330 or, to be more conforming to normality here, the Epiphone Casino. This has its own subsets, referred to as Crest Gold or Crest Silver, for the style of the hardware, those being either gold or "brushed silver". Assuming I was mad enough to build this, I would have to either source vintage-accurate parts or get someone to make them custom.

As you can probably guess, neither sound appealing! However, ignoring that, let's get down to business. What is the Gibson Crest, in this latter format?

The Gibson Crest, in the 1969-72 styling, is a double-cutaway ES-style guitar, as you can probably guess. Now, a double-cut ES-style isn't surprising, both CMI and Norlin loved making those. The surprise comes from the features, starting with the short neck, with the join at the 15th fret. Now, normally, that's weird for an ES-style, they all have long necks, with a meeting with the body at the 19th fret. Why does this one have such a short neck?

Well, it's because it's a hollow-bodied guitar, like the ES-330 or Casino. Then again, that is no excuse, considering the ES-330 and Casino both had long necks at this time, even if the Casino returned to the short neck, dragging the 330 along with it whether it liked it or not (kinda miffed about that, I like upper fret access, taking it away on an electric guitar like the Casino is just annoying).

But anyway, the Crest has this short neck, and that's where the similarities to most ES models end. The toggle switch is placed where the first iteration of the 347 would place the coil-split switch, that being the lower horn, and that's about it for known similarities, with the other features being more reminiscent of the original Nelson Crest rather than an ES-330 or similar guitar from Gibson/Norlin.

Let's start with the pickups, which are mini-humbuckers, most certainly an interesting choice; apparently, the reason they chose P90s as the pickups for the 330 and Casino is because it was a "budget" model, and not because they were fucking cowards. That last bit's not important, though, so we can come back to it at a different time.

As with the Nelson Crest, the Crest Gold and Silver have a floating bridge akin to an archtop, though I cannot for the life of me remember if they're an ABR-1 like the original, or a pre-compensated bridge. It doesn't much matter either way, because the fact of the matter is that this guitar has some nice details to it. A 7-ply bound top, with a 3-ply bound back separated by a decorative strip, and a large heel cap which has a strap button screwed into it.

The electronics are the interesting thing. As noted above, the toggle switch was placed in the location where an ES-347's coil-split switch went, which may even be where they got the idea for that, but as is also noted above, the thing has 2 mini-humbuckers with individual volume and tone controls, and treble-side adjustment screws that go through the pickguard.

None of this is nearly as impactful as what the thing was made of, though, because I have been keeping that bit entirely shtum for surprise factor. Y'see, the Crest was made almost exclusively out of Brazilian rosewood veneer, which, for a time, was entirely phased out of Gibson as a wood option, before even becoming a protected wood by the Washington Convention. Trade in it is restricted, even now, and that means it is incredibly hard to get hold of it, even in veneer form.

Does this mean I am shit out of luck? Well, if I wanted to recreate the thing using the exact same wood, yes. If, however, I wanted to recreate the guitar with just any species in the family Dalbergia, rather than specifically Dalbergia nigra (note: that's the scientific name for Brazilian rosewood), I am not, in fact, shit out of luck, as most other species of rosewood (any wood in the family Dalbergia) is not restricted, and has not been under restriction for almost 5 years.

Here's a photo from Gary's Classic Guitars in case you were having difficulty visualising this thing:

I'll be including images like these for projects that are either replicas, or I feel need the image in some way or another.

So, the rosewood veneer isn't a problem. Why is it still a shelved project, then? Well, the fact of the matter is that we live in a capitalist society. Things cost money, both for the item itself and the labour required to produce it. In short, wood is expensive, and I don't have the money yet. You may notice that "too expensive" is a running theme, even in cases where half of the expense is the guitar itself.

To avoid getting depressing, let's move on (finally)!

Tele Bass VI:

So, you may be wondering, "why's this one shelved?"

The thing is, it wasn't intentionally shelved. It's just that I can't really do anything with it without finishing the Crusader first. I need fret wire, wood for the neck, a nut, and a truss rod. Not that many things, but it's also what I need for the Crusader, and in the case of that, I at least have the wood for the neck, and a nut, but that still leaves me without a truss rod and fret wire (which I also need for my acoustic because it's got fret sprout, but that's neither here nor there).

I was intending a maple neck for it, anyway, and I need maple for the fretboard of the Crusader. Maybe I'll be able to sort that at some point. Moving on!

Lennon Les Paul Jr.:

This one's hard to call "shelved" seeing as I've done jack shit with it for 3 months at this point. Do I want to do more with it? Yes, absolutely. It's just finding the werewithall to actually go do more with it. Part of it's been the stress of organising my college stuff, but part of it's also been laziness and just not being able to decide if I want to do it or not.

I'm sure you don't want me to bore you with this one, and you saw a photo of a replica on the previous pinned post, so I'll move on.

Höfner 500/1 Violin Bass Replica:

This one is very much a doozy, but it's at least sensible.

Höfner's been going for over 100 years, that's an accepted fact, something that makes sense to everyone. Their "peak" of iconicity, however, came in the form of Sir James Paul McCartney, who has used Höfner's basses since 1961. Now, since then, they've done plenty of reissues of his (two) different basses, the 1961 with its close pickups, and the 1963 with the wide, separated pickups.

So which one would I go for? That is a good question, because it's really not what I should be asking. What I should be asking in its stead is "do I want to learn Actual Violin Lutherie to make this thing", because the whole "Violin Bass" is not just a selling point, it actually is constructed like a violin. It's a chambered hollow body, like the Country Gent, but it's the size of a violin, with the construction to match, including the use of flame maple (or, to use its more apt name, fiddleback maple) for the back and sides. The top, meanwhile, is solid carved spruce.

Don't believe me about the body size? Look at this sub-model Hofner do, based on the one you can see in Get Back:

As you can see, the body is tiny in comparison to the length of the neck, especially when you compare it to an actual violin:

Look at the proportions on this, then look at the 500/1. Doesn't the neck seem so ridiculously long now? Anyway, that's gonna take some going at, and thus it's shelved for when I feel confident enough to actually do it, or at least to take a partial stab at it.

Now then, we've seen the ideas that I might get round to but aren't being done now for one reason or another. Let's look at the ones that won't be done at all, for one reason or another.

Lerxst 355 Replica:

To the average reader, that name's going to look like gibberish. To be honest, I don't blame you, the way it's pronounced feels like you're speaking gibberish as well. "Lurks-st". It sounds better if you try and put on a Canadian accent. Not full tilt Canadian, with all the "eh"-ing and being super polite, just a hint of Toronto.

Anyway, what's Lerxst? Or, more accurately, who is Lerxst? Lerxst is the nickname of Aleksandar Živojinović, a man known professionally as Alex Lifeson. He was the guitarist for Rush for as long as Rush had existed, until their semi-functional retirement after the death of their drummer Neil Peart. The remaining two members, that being Alex and the bassist Geddy, have performed together since, including at the Taylor Hawkins tribute concert and at the 25th anniversary concert for South Park.

Now, Lerxst has used many a guitar over the past 50 years, from that ES-335 he used in the beginning, to the large amount of PRSes he used between 1990 and 2010. His most famous, however, is the one this one is talking about: a 1977 ES-355 built by Norlin-era Gibson. It has T-Top humbuckers (named as such due to the bobbins having a slightly raised part in the shape of a T), 22 frets on a voluted neck, a 7-ply bound top (you saw me refer to this in the Crest section; 7-ply bound top doesn't mean the top is 7 plies of veneer thick, it means the binding is 7 plies thick, and is bound around a 3-ply top of maple-poplar-maple) with a 3-ply bound back, a Maestro vibrola unit, an individual set of volume and tone controls per pickup, a simple 3-way toggle, and the key part - a varitone switch, with accompanying bypass mini-toggle for the "raw" tone unmodified by the varitone.

The output jack's also mounted to the top, but considering it's an ES model, I wouldn't think that too revolutionary. So, what's a Maestro vibrola unit when it's at home? For that, we need to explain vibrato units overall.

The history starts with Clayton "Doc" Kauffman, who devised the first ever patented vibrato system in the 1930s, fittingly named the Kauffman vibrola. This worked quite differently to vibratos that we know now, as the action of changing the pitch was much more subtle, and was done through moving the arm laterally, instead of pressing the arm down to the body. The sound was meant to mimic a slide guitar (as that's where Rickenbacker's guitars originally started), but there was an ever-so tiny but incredibly crucial detail: the tuning stability was terrible. Guitarists such as John Lennon decided to replace the Kauffman units on guitars they were installed on with other models, such as the Bigsby vibrola, the second patented vibrato unit, and the first to see widespread commercial success.

The Bigsby works in a much more conventional way, using the standard we know now: push down to lower pitch, release to return to normal. Supposedly, it has terrible stability in and of itself, but that is from players who ended up being like Floyd D. Rose, who overused the vibrato of the Bigsby, requiring that they retune. The Bigsby wasn't intended for that; instead, it was only intended to provide a slight "warble" effect to playing, what some would term a "shimmering" effect.

This, in effect, is what Gibson's vibratos were meant to provide, starting in 1961 with the Sideways vibrola. I have an opinion on these: they suck, both in function and form. They copy the function of the Kauffman nearly wholesale, and the large folded up arm in direct contact with the nitrocellulose finish(!), well. Yeah, no, not for me. The Maestro, however, looks and behaves so much better. It functions like a Bigsby would, excepting that it doesn't copy the mechanism wholesale like the Sideways does with the Kauffman.

To explain this, let's go on a small side tangent about a Bigsby vs. a Maestro vibrola, because I assure you, this is actually necessary to the guitar.

The Bigsby works by loosening tension using the leverage of the tremolo arm to cause a deepening of pitch. It's kept in place and returned to normal pitch by a spring which is compressed in the action of using the vibrato unit. The Maestro, however, uses direct leverage on a bent piece of metal to cause the same loosening of tension and lowering of pitch.

This means that the Maestro, while more primitive, is easier to work with when restringing due to the fact that the strings are threaded into the tailpiece, which is then bent, changing the angle and distance between the tuners and the ball-end of the string, thus affecting the tension. The metal returning to its standard shape (because the force required to permanently change its shape has not been applied) is what returns the guitar to standard and proper tension (as long as it's been set up correctly).

The Bigsby, meanwhile, has a specific way of threading the string through the unit before sending it down the neck to the tuner and the nut. When restringing a Bigsby, there is a massive rigamarole if you don't have a Vibramate spoiler installed. You have to thread the string down from the bridge, under the tensioning bar, then up over the string bar, around it, and slot the ball-end on the tiny little post on the underside, so it can function correctly when the arm is depressed. I honestly wish I was joking about this. I have restrung a Bigsby once, and once was all the experience I needed. Never again. I heavily advocate for people to damn well use a Vibramate spoiler on their units, even if it's just because of a personal gripe.

Back to the point where we were, about... 8 or 9 paragraphs ago, the 355 generally came stock with a Maestro vibrola in 1977, so it's no surprise that Lerxst got it on his. It's even featured on the reissues from 2008:

These are the same reissues that have a Fucked Up volute on the neck that's approximately halfway between the nut and the first fret, as opposed to in line with the nut. If I were to recreate this, I'd at least fix that.

So, it all seems possible, right? Then why is the build canned? Generally, it's the fact of the varitone, specifically the chokes. How, the literal fuck, do those things work. If I ever figure how they work, then maybe this will move from the can to the shelf. But right now? Canned. Completely and utterly.

Next, please!

Acoustic Rickenbacker 360/12c63:

This requires much less in the way of explaining. The Rickenbacker 360 is a famous guitar by most stretches of the imagination, soldiered on by its incarnations as the 360/12, used by George Harrison, the 370/12 used by Roger McGuinn, and the 330/12, used by innumerable amounts of famous guitarists like Peter Buck, Johnny Marr, Pete Townshend and The Edge.

But y'see, those are electric guitars. They've got magnetic pickups and all sorts of gubbins in there. My idea with this was to see if you could just... get rid of all that, construct a 360/12 in the double-bound style without that central block and all the electronics, and be left with an acoustic Ricky 12, complete with the compacted headstock and a piezo if I felt like it.

Knowing what I do about how Rickenbacker's shit is made, though, that would require making the body in the form of back, then sides, glued with bracing and then the top, with two sound holes. I'd then have to find somewhere to fit a pre-amp, and make sure that it's the usual thickness before then setting the neck in, which itself would be a 5-piece construction of maple with walnut center stripe and headstock wings, adding the truss rod(s) and the fretboard, before finally assembling the metal bits onto it.

Doesn't sound too hard, sure, but if you look at this example of what the Rickenbacker 360/12C63 looks like...

Yes, that is the entire thickness of the body. It's approximately an inch thick and not all that acoustically resonant. It'd be good as an experiment, but considering I'm debating over getting a standard acoustic 12 at some point, it's canned for that reason. Onto the last canned build, and the last build that's overall a hypothetical.

Telecaster-Shaped Red Special (TSRS):

I laid this whole thing out in a Notepad file back in May or June, as we were finishing up the Cherry XII, as a proposal of "maybe this can be the next build," but I scrapped it a month or so later because I fell into a trap I've fallen into so often it might as well be my home: I wanted to recreate a specific thing, without remembering the way that guitar is constructed, and really, what that guitar is built out of.

You see, the Red Special, built between 1963 and 1964 by Brian May and his father Harold, is a very interesting case of guitar design, in that it was designed to feedback in an appealing way. The internal cavities were actually carved out in a very specific way in order to allow for this, and most copies of the thing do the feedback, but struggle to do it exactly like his. He also has his own brand of guitars mainly made up of official replicas fitted with either a standard Strat-style trem system, that being the BMG Special, or the more accurate design mimicking the original's trem arm made of a knitting needle and a bicycle saddlebag holder.

Now, having only a Telecaster body, I couldn't recreate most of this. I mean, where am I going to put all this stuff? And the neck couldn't be slotted for 24" scale length. It just wouldn't have worked. 25", like the Harley Benton copy, maybe, but then I'd have to modify the body to allow for a 25" scale, and then rout out chambers for controls, the cavity, and the trem system's springs.

Looking back on it, I think I had a grand idea, but had bitten way too much off to just go and do it. If I ever do get it in my head to recreate the Red Special, even without a treble boost circuit or a treble boost pedal, I think I'm not going to try and start from a jump-off point, and just go at it from scratch.

Now then, we've gone through those that've been canned, let's look at the ones that aren't shelved or canned, but aren't currently in play. I denoted them as plausible above, but I might go at them at a slower rate than the Shelved builds.

Non-Specific Doubleneck:

When I say "non-specific" doubleneck, I don't mean "bland-name EDS-1275" like a Chibson or a Gear4Music or Harley Benton or anything like that.

For one, the EDS-1275 isn't the only doubleneck out there, nor is it the only doubleneck Gibson ever made. Rickenbacker made a 12/6 doubleneck 360, fittingly named the 362, as well as the 4080 doubleneck which was a bass on top and your option of a 480/6 or 480/12 on the bottom. That latter one was most famously used by Geddy Lee on Xanadu, as well as the former on A Passage to Bangkok (a song about smoking weed, if you didn't know).

Here's him with the former, in a surprising tuxedo (white with black plastics) finish:

And here's him using a Fireglo 4080/12 back in 2015 for the purpose of playing Xanadu:

Anyway, that's a Rickenbacker doubleneck, but they're not the only ones to do this stuff. Fender also make doublenecks. Well, "make" is a strong term. This is the only one I know about:

This is the craziest doubleneck I've ever seen. It's a basic 12/6, but actually No It's Not. You've got an Electric XII on top, which is the only "designed to be 12 string" guitar Fender made pre-CBS, and the Marauder on the bottom, with the vibrato merged into the pickguard, and the 5 pickup switches and the kill switch and everything that makes it the Marauder.

If I ever decide "okay, let's make a doubleneck," and then actually go through with it, I think I'm gonna take some design cues from all of these. I'll probably also chamber it so it's not uncomfortable to play for long periods of time, and just hide the chambering under the pickguards because that's a thing that could work.

Now, the other plausible idea.

Resonator Acoustic (kit build):

You know how I said kit builds were out of the question? Yeah, I didn't believe me either.

Resonators are a really cool relic of the pre-amplification era. Like, they're the step between electric guitars with magnetic pickups, and the acoustic guitars we all know, minus the piezoelectric undersaddle pickup. They work by passing the strings over a bridge mounted to a resonator cone, and when a string is plucked, strummed or otherwise makes a sound, the cone takes the vibrations and amplifies them entirely acoustically. They were originally made by a couple companies before Rickenbacker came along and invented the horseshoe pcikup and, by extension, the electric guitar.

Those companies were National String Instrument Corporation, and Dobro Manufacturing Company. The former was founded in 1927 by George Beauchamp (anyone who knows the history of Rickenbacker will know that name), and John Dopyera, a Slovak immigrant who came to America with his brothers and father in 1908, sensing that war would soon break out in Europe.

Smart move, fellas!

Anyway, Dopyera and his brothers, Rudy and Emil, soon left National to form their own comapny, Dobro. Dobro is a name with double meaning, in this case - while it's an abbreviation of Dopyera Brothers, it's also the word for "good" in a lot of Slavic languages, leading to the slogan "Dobro means good in any language!"

Due to Beauchamp's work with Rickenbacker, though, resonators fell off the radar in terms of popularity. After all, they'd figured out a form of amplification that didn't use lots of metal, so resonators ended up failing as a product. Or at least, they did for a while. Nowadays, you can find many brands producing resonators, usually for the specific tone resonators provide: rich and metallic. They're seen nowadays as bluegrass and country music instruments, but you can see people like Mark Knopfler using them for songs as well.

Now, this isn't referring to a specific kit build. I found one that's kinda an ES-style thing, with 21 frets, so that's probably the one I'd go for, not least because I like upper fret access, but it's all dependent on if I still want to build a resonator acoustic after the current build, or if I'd want to do something else entirely. It's an odd thing, my mind.

So, what now? The completed section? Eh, not exactly.

I would do a small piece on the Fretless and the Cherry XII each, I really would - God alone knows I love rambling about these builds enough, this post is testament to that on its own - but I don't need to. I made a full post about the creation of the Fretless, and made multiple posts in the course of building the Cherry XII, starting back in January and leading up to June.

But other than that? That's all there is to this post. There's nothing more I can really do in terms of explaining my ideas. I may have more ideas in between now and whenever I revisit this concept, I may reshuffle things, shelve one idea or can another. But as for everything else? It's in flux, constantly uncertain unitl we reach and observe it. I can't really say what I'll want to build after the Crusader, because I haven't finished the Crusader. Hell, I've barely started it.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. If something needs explaining further for one reason or another, tell me, and I'll try and explain it to the best of my ability.

[gwensy]

i cant do this today

[jam-packed]

thank god im not a journalist cus the amount of eye contact would kill me

[jorvikzelda]

mothers be normal about trans people challenge (impossible)

[ebonytails]

GOT ACCEPTED INTO A LOCAL CON.. BABY'S FIRST ART MARKET

[tesco-finest-aromantics]

fucking hell why can't people understand that different people with the same disability will have different accessibility needs

[townofcrosshollow]

AAAAAAND IT'S HEADACHE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

[tewwor]

anyone else look back on stuff you've written and is just like wow! who wrote that! they sure have a way with words i wouldn't be able to think of right now!!

[devicecontact]

I hate that true lab gaster amalgamate theory video so much never talk about alyphs that way again

[supermacaquecool]

Years ago, I told Ruri Mushishi was too ambiguous and boring for me, but what If I actually like it this time

[queen-scribbles]

OMG THE FLIRTING LETTER FROM RASS IS AMAZING