#S10 is filled with so many different shades of bad

[randomfoggytiger]

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Babylon), Part V

Babylon. 

Oh, Babylon. 

Oh, so-bad-my-computer-keyboard-died-for-a-few-days Babylon. 

BABYLON

‘Kay, dude’s praying. Dude’s blessing his food before eating. 

Music’s kicking up, something bad’s gonna happen. 

Dude smiles at Texan women, they don’t smile back, wait--

WAIT. 

Dude’s in his car, people pull up by his side and just start racially mocking… him? 

……………………………………………’Kay. 

Picked up a friend, nice little kiss, greeting…. Waiting for this to go badly. 

They’re praying with conjoined hands…………………………………………

‘Kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. 

I will say, if they’re going to do a terrorist plot, there had better be a lot of complexities and nuances explored. 

Oh. 

Building blows up. 

Oh. 

…So, they’re peace-loving dudes who want local women to notice them but were planning on blowing up a building either waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…? 

Let’s get into some sticky facts: Terrorists don’t seek approval from women living outside of the ideal in their minds. We see that consistently in extremist circles-- be it politics, religion, cultural revolution-- and many other branches across the globe. Only hypocrites who espouse one thing but believe another engage in the wiffly-waffly manner demonstrated. 

(Note from the future: Yep, turned out I was right-- dude wasn't actually a terrorist, after all! Not really, guys. Not in his heart of hearts! He thought about blowing up a building, but didn't at the last second.... Great.)

The terrorists-- as we’re led to believe-- here weren’t disdainful of the locals around them. Well, one of them wasn’t. So: are we, the audience, supposed to infer this is a “led astray” morality tale, when the inner, purer heart of First Dude doesn’t… want… to… hurt… anyone? (But does; then doesn't, yet still doesn't interfere with his friend's terrorist initiative?)

Chris Carter, have you seen a manifesto before? Of course you have. And what did those manifestos have in common? A withdrawal from and disgust of humanity that doesn’t follow the terrorist’s morals, from Ted Krazinsky the Unabomber to the plane hijackers of the infamous 9/11 attacks: two extremes acting on the same depraved principle. 

Why are people on fire just… running around. Another point for local ignorance? 

That was a very CC plot point, actually. That was a very Fire plotpoint, actually: oh, look at this idyllic-ish, normal life-- MAN ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE. 

OH, NO. 

Heavenly trumpets were playing before the attacks. 

What. 

WHAT. 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. 

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT. 

OH. 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY SOUL HURTS. 

OH NO. 

I DIDN’T THINK THE TRUMPETS WERE THIS EARLY. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, WHY. 

(Also, we didn’t hear them during the opening, so. Fact check: false. Put that on your mushroom and eat it, Mulder. ……………OHNOTHEMUSHROOMS, NO--)

At least Scully is pushing back against Mulder’s “as if God Himself”: “Since when do you believe in God, Mulder?” And his answering, “I speak merely as an investigator,” is okaaaaaay, is fine.

…If Chris decides to make Mulder a kind of lite believer, he would have to put… SO much work into that. He’s tried in the past (Essence, for example) before immediately taking it back (Existence.) As is his pattern. But if this episode hinges on that belief, or that spark of a belief, in God… ON TOP OF a terrorist plot?? Is he mad??

Mulder and Scully are flirty arguing? Are bantering? In my Chris Carter episode?? This can only lead to evil things. 

OH NO, ARE EINSTEIN AND MILLER (RIP David Duchovny’s son’s name, I guess) IN THIS EPISODE. PLEASE. 

THEY ARE, AREN’T THEY. BECAUSE OF THOSE GIFS OF MULDER AND EINSTEIN. 

CHRIS, YOU EVIL MAN, YOU. I DON’T NEED A FIRE PHOEBE MOMENT WITH SCULLY, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. 

WHY is Mulder quoting Revelations. I get it, he considers it religious or supernatural myth, I get it, but. ...Y'know what? It's fine. He's teasing Scully about it, sure, why not.

This coooooooooooooooooould hypothetically work because it's showing, not telling, the differences in how Mulder and Scully tackle religion now: both are no longer defensive. Good, good points for CC. We need those character development beats. Please, give us a boatload in this series.

Knock, knock. “Anybody there?”

Scully: “Nobody down here except the FBI’s most unwanted.”

Mulder: surprised.

Scully: “I’ve been waiting twenty-three years to say that.” 

Cute. Real cute. 

So, we’re not even pretending that they’re broken up anymore, huh? But we are going to pretend that Mulder and Scully are still “FBI unwanted” when literally no one cares if they’re living or breathing or making out in the basement at this point. 

The mytharc of this show is so disconnected that they don’t even seem attached to the larger plot. 

Like. If you had to nullify Colonization via global warming (which CC didn’t… he did worse, post here), then write that off the table. Instead, it’s moved to later? Sort of? And it’s “the work of men” instead of men and aliens. Because there were no aliens. And Mulder is supposed to be depressed and medicated but got over that by My Struggle I but the plot pretended he didn’t in Founder’s Mutation but Darin gave Mulder a monster case to permanently cure it in Mulder and Scully Meet the Weremonster….

Are ya picking up what I’m putting down, because I’m sick of the repeat at this point, too. 

So, maybe, acknowledge YOUR OWN HISTORY, BABYLON, BEFORE YOU INTRODUCE NEW, SHINY BARBIES. 

(On a sidenote: Scully saying the iconic line didn’t hit right, but technically that would be the time to say it: back-and-forth banter, Mulder teasing her about God, she teasing him with his first words from twenty plus years ago. It’s an okay beat... in theory.)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, they’re here. Kill me. 

Here, Tumblrinas, we see CC attempt to extend his show by introducing possible mock characters that we will come to love and appreciate and tongue-in-cheek hand the show to when David and Gillian pack up and head out. (Because GA said from day one that she was only doing one season, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, remember that?) 

But I’ll bet Babylon tanked so badly that they became risks and liabilities that CC tried to push one more time (My Struggle II) then quit like a bad habit. 

Her name’s not only Einstein but she’s ALSO distantly related. I guess not too distant because they share the same name. 

If these were Mulder and Scully from Wish, I breathlessly wait for the reboot to give us Mulder and Scully from Temu. Plastic health-and-safety risks included.  

I like the guy's tie. See how it's long enough to fit appropriately? (Looking at you, Mulder's Costume Department.)

“Forgive Agent Scully’s impertinence--” WHAT “--she wrote her dissertation on Einstein's Twin Paradox.” 

Um. 

Ummm. 

Mulder's getting Scully back for her jab at Mulder's prickliness to Ted O'Malley in My Struggle I? But it's not a jab? ...Weird.

CC canonized lovesick, blabby husband Mulder, so I guess… if that’s your thing. (There is an argument to be made that that was always canon; but CC, Euroclydon of relationships, made it even more canon. So.) 

We know about Scully’sdissertationonEinstein, CC, WE KNOW THIS. Couldn’t you have written in a reminder... I don't know... competently?? Please??????????

I see. 

The writers are going to use humor to cover a multitude of sins. 

Just. 

Fantastic. 

Scully figures out the new guys are just clones of her and Mulder....

I know I'm already hypothetically dead, but could you resurrect me to do it again? I hate these kinda plots.

Scully likes Einstein because Einstein "can't imagine" why she and her partner are here.............................................................................. On a possible paranormal case. After Einstein has demonstrated her only talent is being snippish and comedically ticked off.

I'll give her actress this, she could be way, way worse. She's doing her best to balance on that thin line between annoying and annoying-with-plausibility.

(Also: the makeup this season? Just as bad as the fashion. The only one here who's sharp and put together is Miller. Speaking of...)

Another sidenote: Miller's inoffensive... well, blandly offensive, I suppose. But. Eh.

I have this on mute, btw. Had to tap out for a bit.

Why didn't they have a believer woman and non-believer Mulder and believer Scu-- oh, wait. That's Doggett and Reyes.

RIGHT, Chris?

Mulder and Scully are marveling over their cutesy little clones, UGH.

TV people are arguing politics and it's at this moment when I remember how well the old series handled the topic.

Politics invades, pervades, whatever-else-word our waking existence 24/7. The show was always aware of politics, but it didn't incorporate modern politics into its series-- instead, it dealt with old, Cold War lingerings or fringe terrorist groups that didn't have a real-world national, nor global, integration. And that leads us to Mulder and Scully: they're not so much investigators as observers, now; and their cases and dynamics are put on pause, constantly, so we can watch political pundits bloviate on politics in the most reductive, watered-down regurgitation possible.

I feel less intelligent by the second, and we're only 7:33 min. in.

MILLER'S SO BAD AT ACTING.

Einstein: "You think anyone takes the X-Files seriously?" Uh. Yeah. Mulder and Scully have already consulted on a case. (I was going to say two cases, but I can't for the life of me remember how Founder's Mutation-- wait. Got it. Yeah, they weren't consultants, then.)

Chris, you can't have it both ways: Mulder and Scully are allowed to do whatever they want in their 50s just because Skinner lured them back to the basement AND they're looked down on and held back by others in the Bureau.

(Note from the future: This discussion becomes relevant later when the episode breaks its own rules.)

You know what? It's not even that. It doesn't matter if the X-Files are taken seriously, they're an offshoot with the least restrictions in the Bureau-- that's "taken seriously" enough. And they're veterans in the field who were called back out of, basically, retirement. That's a big deal.

Not to mention the clingers-on of watercooler talk from the 90s. They might still be rotating theories around twenty-some years later for the younger generation to listen to.

Miller's giving Einstein the "adoring face" and this is more proof that David was telling the truth when he asserted he and Gillian were directed to look fixedly (can't remember his exact word) at each other in each scene.

CC has a "type", and he wants it to extend to all his characters.

Einstein pities Scully. 'Kay. Make me like her less, why don't you? (And yes, I already see the forced writing on the wall-- Einstein learns and grows and changes and WHO CARES.)

"She's clearly in love with him." ...The writers sure love to have other characters declare how in love she is without Scully's say-so, don't they? Yes, it's a comedic bit. And also, she and Mulder have been together how long and we don't hear an "I love you"? Not one bit. (And I'm not even someone who needs or wants an "I love you"... it's just something that struck me, right now.)

SCULLY'S HOLDING HER MOTHER'S COIN NECKLACE LIKE PRAYER BEADS, I GUESS.

CC really loved that bit, I guess.

Baiting another mystery, I guess. (We already know the date on the quarter is when Charlie left, post here.)

Scully decides to team up with younger, hotter Miller. Not Mulder, u-but Scully. ...Which COULD be character growth, but Scully's only initiated her services in the past if she felt a special connection to the case, ala religion....

oh. It just dawned on me.

oh NO.

RELIGION.

Why does Scully call Miller (unless she's fond of him) separate from Mulder?

Why does Mulder call Einstein (who he formed no connection with) separate from Scully?

Or are she and Mulder working behind the scenes to bring the two newbies together or... something?

...Are they writing a slow-burn for their OCs?

WALTERR SKINNER SINGS EINSTEIN'S PRAISES?

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis isn't a reference to Skinner's rumored crush on Scully back-in-the-day, is it? A wink-and-nod at the fans that goes nowhere? Like... I'm all for love no matter the (age-appropriate) age, but SKINNER. Sings EINSTEIN's praises? ...WHY, FOR WHAT?

sHE HELPED SKINNER WITH HIS MIGRAINES.

H...how did she help Skinner with his migraines?

"--Which he claims are due to you [Mulder]." This is a comedic moment but now I'm REALLY wondering if we missed a scene where Skinman got a hands-on experience from one redhead scientist.

(I don't think any of this speculation holds true canonical water... BUT.)

More terrorists are creating bombs, 'kaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Can I skip most of the plot, please.

Einstein is getting on my nerves. The actress is doing her best but.

Mulder is seriously sitting there saying ideas and thoughts have physical, tangible weight.

..................................................I need a scene between he and Scully where we figure out what in the world is going--

Ah. Got it.

CC introduced two green characters because he needs the older ones to keep back JUST enough information so the audience isn't fully informed. Scully's a believer now, so she can fill-in Mulder's blanks (even if she doesn't agree with the minutiae of his theory.) Hence, separate them and preserve the surprise.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...............

Mulder's straight up toying with Agent Einstein at this point and I'm kinda living for it and kinda wanting to explode from my chair.

Mulder calls up Einstein to ditch her flight to Texas so he can wax on about the metaphysics behind his theory.

Einstein doesn't want to waste time when lives could be saved.

Mulder wastes a little more time, then lectures Einstein on wasting time by not cosigning the possibilities of his methods.

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU IN TEXAS, MULDER, WITH SCULLY (note from the future: or without Scully.)

WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE WHEN THIS CONVERSATION COULD BE HAD IN TEXAS WHERE THE BOMBINGS ARE OCCURING.

JUST TAKE A PLANE OUT WITH SCULLY AND JOIN THE AGENTS THERE AND HAVE THIS TALK.

DOESN'T HE END UP IN TEXAS, ANYWAY???? WHY ARE WE HERE, HEARING HIM YODA AT EINSTEIN?????

I will say: this episode is the closest I've gotten to Mulder. Actual, factual Mulder. (Note from the future: My standards are low at this point, okay? But he's not the Mulder we know from S7, S8, S9, or IWTB. Not even the Mulder from My Struggle I... which is a good thing.)

I. I don't know how I feel about that.

He's still Clone!Mulder; but the comedy helps us get back to Mulder's old, light-hearted ways.

Miller's bad acting continues.

Scully's going to use science to communicate with a coma patient.

...And she wishes she'd thought of this while Maggie was alive because now she'll have a mystery that will always remain unsolved (don't worry, I solved it for you, Scully)....

...

......

............

No.

Can I leave, now?

(Note from the future: Her side plot achieves nothing except as a placeholder for her character while Mulder does wild and crazy things.)

This episode is just boring.

Mulder calls Einstein a mugwump; and translates, good-naturedly, that it means "sit down and shut up." Mulder is being a Yoda, but why can't he be a Yoda in Texas???

...Wait, what's a mugwump?

...What. That doesn't make sense....

Einstein (loosely transcribed): I did a ton of school, yet you think I'm stupid?

Mulder: No, you're a mugwump.

Einstein: A what?

Mulder: It means "sit down and shut up."

...How does any of that dialogue fit. We're only supposed to believe it does because the music's comedic and the two actors are verbally sparring.

Also, WOW the pacing and cuts are bad: Mulder and Einstein banter, Scully and Miller talking over loss and scientific possibilities, Mulder and Einstein banter again~~~~~!!!!!!! UGH.

Carter gave us THE SLIDESHOW. Now. In this episode.

He's really trying to tap into the vibes of the old show, but.

The whiplash is jarring: from My Struggle I's dour, strangled rewrite to Founder's Mutation's doubling down to Weremonster's more upbeat, well-received comedic tone, we have Babylon: comedy-dramedy, tripping mushrooms and terrorist attacks.

Yikes.

I'm not as angry as the first two Revival episodes-- those were a spit in the face, this is just an elementary kid waving a hand around for attention-- but it's noooooooooooooooooot well-constructed. By any stretch of the imagination.

(Note from the future: Oh, boy.)

'Kay, Einstein, this is getting old. OH, I KNOW-- she reminds me of C.C. Babcock from The Nanny; and, yes, the irony of C.C.'s name in this series hit me just now.

Guys, are philes mugwumps. Are we mugwumps?

Wait. Okay. Scratch... whatever.

Mulder wants Einstein to inject him with shrooms so he can communicate with the terrorist.

Who is in Texas.

While Mulder Yoda is in D.C. Are we seeing the first big hurdle here?

Secondly. Why mushrooms, why this case?

If, IF CC handled this with skill, he'd have Mulder bring up his experience in Field Trip-- how he communicated with Scully's mind while both were in a repressed, almost comatic, state.

But he would also have to explain the toll of that experience: the repercussions, the recovery, and why Mulder trusts EINSTEIN over SCULLY to administer him with said mushrooms.

(Note from the future: Which they address, a little, then not at all. It doesn't make sense, shocker.)

Also, WHAT IN THE WORLD is this subplot doing in a terrorist episode??? Maybe if the terrorists were separated by distance but committing acts at the same time-- and Mulder could prove their actions weren't pre-planned-- THEN this theory MIGHT have legitimacy. But in this case, they were two dudes in the same location who just walked into a building and blew up. No telepathy (that we know of) involved.

And how did Mulder get from Heavenly Trumpets to Mushroom Telepathy?????????????????????????

I'm Einstein. Asking Mulder why he isn't asking Scully to help him and realizing he hasn't told Scully any of this because of a recent close brush with death (though I wouldn't call Maggie's decline a "near-death experience" for Scully, Chris. Those words mean something else in English, Chris.)

So... Mulder and Scully are working as separate operatives, without the other realizing. Why. Why are they sneaking around-- because of the trauma Maggie's death put Scully through??? Did the writers think this was a clever incorporation of Maggie's death? Because this is negligence and unintelligence at best.

I'm Einstein, who correctly calls this a "lunatic scheme."

Mulder's "So that's a maybe" explains the Chinga calls.

Miller looking at the suicide bomber: "It's hard to imagine there's someone in there when you really see 'em." That's. Nice. For other patients and their families to hear. And to say in front of a colleague who recently lost her own mother. This guy's an idiot.

Scully finally has a blouse that is appropriately styled. She can wear her low-cut in a work-appropriate fashion (heh), I see.

"I'm open to whatever."

"I'm sure you are, Agent Miller."

"I believe so many answers lie beyond the pale--" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, I don't care.

Scully is charmed and believes he believes.

SCULLY IS GOING TO COMMUNICATE WITH A COMA PATIENT VIA ELECTRO-WHATEVER STIMULATION. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkay.

Miller continues to be an idiot.

Department of Homeland Security is kicking them out and is being weirdly racist about this when he would be working in intelligence circles and would know this is a bigger picture than "race I don't like did a thing I don't like to the people I do like."

WHY does this show treat us like idiots? Government forces in the OG show intervened because there was a bigger picture Mulder and Scully were upsetting; or when they were on strict coverup orders. Here, Scully and Miller could get information out of a terrorist BUT Homeland Security shuts them down because "do you think he'd say anything, anyway?" It's not even an argument about a waste of time or resources, nor the unfounded nature of their methods. No. It's just racism. Wow.

"By any moral definition, this body is dead." NO, IT'S NOT. What. NO ONE THINKS LIKE THAT. WHAT.

ARE THE SECURITY AGENTS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT RIGHT-WING INTERESTS???? BECAUSE IN THAT CASE, THEY'D CONSIDER THIS TERRORIST STILL ALIVE AND KEEP HIM ON LIFE SUPPORT UNTIL HE IS CONFIRMED DEAD WHILE HOPING HE RECOVERS SO THEY CAN BARBECUE HIM ON THE ELECTRIC CHAIR. WRITERS, DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THE OTHER SIDE ENOUGH TO MAKE INTELLIGENT CRITIQUE AGAINST THEM? HOW DID YOU HANDLE THIS BETTER IN THE 90S THAN THE TRUMP ERA 2015-2016s????

"This body here isn't a human." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. WHATWHATWHATNONONONONONO.

Did... did the white guys communicate to the other in a different language? Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis this a clue or something? Are they being... controlled by the shroomed up terrorists? Or?

Miller whips out his phone, takes their pics, and is going to text them to superiors. I guess. Which. Isn't a stuuuuupid plan? Except I don't know enough about protocol to know if it is or not; so, it might be.

Einstein sees Scully talking with Miller-- she's in Texas, YEP-- realizes something's a foot, and....

Wait, no. She gets JEALOUS and calls in Mulder.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Look, she did the Scully tucked-in-neck-thing, isn't that funny???

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

They're all in Texas now.

Mulder's wiggling his way over in his too tight Patriarchy Pants. (One day I will watch him tilt to and fro without thinking of a Marilyn Monroe shimmy, but this season is not that season.)

She just. hands him. the mushrooms. in public. She, a medical doctor, gave him illegal drugs in Texas because she was jealous. ...UGH.

Mulder asks what changed her mind. He's gonna realize she's jealous, got it, but I just remembered: these pills are placebo. And that Mulder's gonna go on a trip without any drugs in his system. .......................................'Kay.

Einstein straight up admits to jealousy-- her animus has "nothing professional about it"-- and says "my loss is your gain" and also "I'll deal with Agent Miller later" and CC STRAIGHT UP IS TELLING US HE KNOWS THERE ARE ROMANTIC ANGLES IN BOTH PARTNERSHIPS AND NO ONE'S HIDING IT ANYMORE. WHILE ALSO ASSERTING THIS ISN'T A DOMESTIC SHOW.

RIGHT.

Wait. Einstein believes Mulder can communicate with the terrorist via these drugs. ...Nah, I know she's pulling his leg because these pills are placebo. (But they still drug him, but anyway.) Which means she manipulated Mulder's trust to bring him over to maybe or maybe not help a real, legitimate case-- which she adamantly didn't want to waste time over, earlier.... Give me a sec.

Einstein considered Mulder's shroom theory to be "lunatic" and a waste of time.

Einstein did not want to waste time on a terrorist bombing case and left.

Einstein drops into Texas, sees Miller with Scully, and gets insanely jealous-- not professionally jealous, just jealous.

Einstein calls Mulder over to Texas-- even though Mulder should have followed her and Miller down, not recalled her back to Washington for plot reasons but ANYWAY-- and admits pretty clearly that this is because she is jealous.

Einstein outright states she knows "her loss" (Scully on the Miller-Einstein team) is "his gain" (translation: "Take her back, Agent Mulder.")

Einstein will now waste precious time and resources giving Mulder a placebo and delaying whatever other solutions the four could explore, together, because of her jealousy EVEN THOUGH she was adamantly against doing such a thing five minutes ago.

Mulder's supposed to be on depression meds and doesn't tell Einstein, nor does Einstein ask if he's on any meds. Further proof Mulder "cured" his depression, I GUESS.

Mulder was just gonna sit in D.C. if Einstein didn't subscribe to his theory. WHY PURSUE THE TRUTH, ANYWAY, EVEN IF THEY DON'T WANNA DO IT YOUR WAY, HUH, MULDER?

The Revival equally butchers all of its characters, nice.

Texan walks back and nods at Mulder as Einstein is explaining that she believes this will work-- sure, Jan-- but doesn't know what he or Mulder will say to each other. Mulder's response? "How do you say 'Howdy, Partner' in Arabic?"

...Why must CC only write Mulder as himself by putting in punchlines that make no sense in context?

At least David gets to get in touch with Mulder's lighter side-- which was a core trait of Mulder's, unless he was deeply moody or sardonic. (But those deeply moody or sardonic moments can't stick around in this series despite quite literally being coded into his character via depression. That he kicked either before My Struggle I, after My Struggle I, post Founder's Mutation, or during Weremonster-- take your pick.)

Miller and Scully are bringing science thingies into the--

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT. Random agent guy is randomly clearing the hospital because of a possible threat that he takes seriously because of an unassimilated Muslim community around and WHAT IN THE WHATWHAT IS THIS.

I'm not touching this stupidity with a ten-foot pole because there can be no rationalization of irrational writing.

All men in the government think all Muslims think highly of Osama Bin Laden-- Bot 2.0 behavior, and the writers think this is nuanced writing, I swear.

Now he's straight up talking religion. Is THIS the best these writers can do with mainstream religious people-- not even religious extremists, but anti-Muslim rhetoric? THIS is the best they can do?

At least Scully and Miller have shown two separate antagonistic forces the door.

Miller is such a bad actor.

Oh, look, the nurse is going to do something bad with the killer. Ohhhh, nooooooooooooooooooooo. More bigotry, I guess. The nurse looks like Diana Fowley in some angles, fyi.

Also.

Is this episode trying to make us feel anger for a terrorist without yet providing the audience with a reason why???? Because that sounds like kid gloves and terrible writing to me~~~~. Sounds like the Pedo Priest in IWTB all over again. Whoop-de-doo.

Mulder and Einstein walk in before the nurse can finish the job, now we gotta hear the nurse go on a stereotypical "taking all our jobs" rant. Throw in the "illegal" part first, sweetheart, or you just sound like a watered-down, outta touch rant.

Here's a mini rant of my own: this is what happens when show writers who are no political writers try to write outside their niche. Politics is a tricky, layered topic that shouldn't, can't, be watered down into straw man stereotypes. This is a nuanced conversation that deserves respect, that deserves to have all the angles explored if they must be.

Babylon fails on all levels: the comatose villain-turned-victim; the obnoxious, over-inflated bigotry; the hackneyed religious ideology; the preschooler understanding of metaphysics; the simple-minded decisions penned by equally self-conscious and self-involved writers; the dismal directing and editing and publishing of this finished product. All so grossly incompetent that it would boggle the mind if I hadn't seen (or heard) of worse.

The scene immediately takes a turn for the comedic when Mulder signals he's gonna take a mushroom capsule and Einstein is left to escort the rambling nurse-- who the audience knows is an attempted murderer-- out the door so he can do his shenanigans. Peppy music picks up to help transition us, the goldfish, alongside the genius of this pacing.

Breathtaking.

Oh, wait, look at this: these side-profile shots look exactly like Mulder from the 90s, huh. Oh, that's kinda cool.

Too bad it's wasted.

I will say: I originally thought Mulder found a pile of drugs from some evidence and tried it without supervision and got elevated. By comparison, this makes more sense.

Now.

Does it make sense sense? No, because this plot has not justified, AT ALL, why Mulder arrived at this theory and conclusion. If it had been case or character related, then I have no problem with him licking fake blood or drilling a hole in his skull; but this idea only wormed its way into the episode to get Mulder wasted. He can get micro-dosed, doctor-approved shrooms all he wants, but the plot-- with a life on the line and more potentialities still at large-- is waaaaaaay too flippant with his approach. WAY too much.

If Mulder from Pine Bluff Variant could only see him now.

Keyboard's dying again, so I'm gonna keep this tight.

Nurse is still rambling to Einstein in the hallway about her "research" and "theories" about the UN, etc. etc., and why is this still going?

Mulder just... floated out of the hospital. In any other circumstance, this could have been funny. But in this episode, with these nuances at stake?

Plus, we all know Mulder gets INSANELY paranoid when high (i.e. Anasazi and Kill Switch and Field Trip, and my post here), not extroverted. He seems more David than Mulder here. As in, an exact copy.

Welp, both Clone!Mulders have left the building because what is this, WHO IS THIS, you lost me.

WHY'S SKINNER IN THIS SCENE WATCHING THE BOOTY DANCERS???????? (I know it's because Mulder's subconscious is working him into the trip, but STILL.)

LANGLEY?????????????? WHY'S LANGLEY HERE?????

WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS THIS, MULDER THE BOOTY WARRIOR?????????????????????????????????????????????? EVEN IF HE'S HIGH, THIS ISN'T A MULDER THING TO DO. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IS HAPPENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

FROHIKE??????????????????? THEN WHY IS LANGELY HERE????

If these are a fever dream of reality and Mulder's subconscious, do you think these are also memories from a wild night with TLG?

Mulder got snapped out of his fantasy to a paranoid reality, and I say "Too little, too late."

NO.

NO, THIS IS WORSE, WHAT IS THIS.

BULL-WHIPPING EINSTEIN, CSM, AND RESCUE BY A MOTHER FIGURE, WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHAT IS GOING ON, WHERE AM I, WHY IS MULDER HALF-NAKED, WHAT ARE THESE GALLEON CHANTS, GET ME HOME, TAKE ME OUT BACK, AND PUT ONE RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES.

That's not Jesus the Son of God, btw, that's the dying, broken body of a terrorist, martyr of a... WE'RE NOT EVEN TOLD THE CAUSE, ONLY OTHER PEOPLES' REACTIONS TO IT. WE'RE 3/4s OF THE WAY THROUGH AND THE INVESTIGATION HAS NO MOTIVE OTHER THAN "MUSLIM": WE'RE NOT TOLD BACKGROUND, BELIEFS, ODD BEHAVIOR, NOTHING ABOUT THIS CASE-- for maximum ~mystery~ enhancement, no doubt-- LIKE WE HAVE FOR EVERY OTHER EPISODE.

DID ANYONE EVEN TRY, OR WAS THIS A "FOR THE VIBES" ENDEAVOR???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHY IS THERE A COMEDY BEAT-CHANT BY GRIM REAPERS WHILE MULDER STANDS, SHIRTLESS, IN A BOAT???????????????

Hands down, the placebo clashed with his depression meds and this is the result. Always inform your doctor about your medical history, kids.

That's the real message: Don't Do Drugs And Have Visions, or you, too, could internationally embarrass yourself as a writer.

Terrorist flashback. The laziest one I've seen.

Scully's back at his bedside. SCULLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE TERRORIST'S NAME, AGENT MILLER CAN SPEAK ARABIC, AND DO EITHER OF THEM KNOW MULDER'S BEEN IN OR OUT? WHERE'S EINSTEIN.

Skinner, thank heavens, you're here to save me.

Mulder wakes and says...

Ahem.

Mulder wakes from an incredibly wild high featuring a memory from the dying man that might or might not help... and the first thing he tells Skinner is...

is, "Where's your hat?"

...

There's too much comedy in this episode. I distinctly feel as if this was a serious, contemplative piece-- or CC wanted it to be-- but because Weremonster was so well-received, he took a swing for the comedic. It. doesn’t. work. 

Uh, oh, Tumbr’s down. 

(I’m not kidding when I say tech hates me. If there’s any way for it to torment me, it will.) 

“Dude,” says Mulder…. “Yikes,” says I. 

“‘Dude’, you were an embarrassment,” says Skinner. “SOMEBODYSAIDIT,” says I. He summed up the whole ep. 

Placebo pills. 

Mulder pokes Skinner in the gut and says “No, you were there” exactly like he did to Scully in Triangle; and if that’s not a callback, I don’t know what is. 

So, placebo pills and Almighty visions, got it. 

Mulder trying to convince Skinner with badonkadonk talk instead of asking for Scully-- he knows she’s here, it’s been more than twelve hours (come to think of it, why hasn’t Scully called? She doesn’t know he’s here. For all she knows, he could be in D.C. being unusually, perhaps dangerously, quiet)-- and he might as well have someone on his team, right? Right? 

So Skinner WASN’T there. So these were illusions Mulder made up…. Or visions. OR. He knows about Skinner’s wild life-- maybe saw him while out with TLG once?-- and Skinman’s trying to cover up whatever Mulder might blurt. 

THE “FRIGHTENED, MIDDLE-AGED TEXANS” LINE WASN’T SKINNER’S???? UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH. MY HEART JUST BROKE. WHY THEY GIVE THAT GEM TO EINSTIEN??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Wait. 

Mulder sees a woman outside and recognzes her from his dream. 

The FBI immediately parts and lets him out to let her in.

 The FBI. set aside protocol. 

For a guy who was in a wheelchair without any FBI badge on him 

To bring an unauthorized woman in. 

Either they have the worst security in the world, or ther recognized Mulder onsite and acquiesced immediately to him. 

 Meaning, Mulder IS well-known and respected in the FBI. 

WHICH IS AGAINST EVERYTHING THIS EPISODE IS BEATING US OVER THE HEAD WITH. 

ALL THE DRAMATIC MUSIC THE KICKS UP WHEN THE LADY SEES HER SON-- LOOK AT MULDER WHO’S GOT HER, LOOK AT SCULLY’S WHO’S REMINDED OF HER OWN MOTHER, LOOK AT THESE AGENTS WATCHING MULDER BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER--

Got it. 

His brainwaves kicked up when his mother talked, of course. 

The mom is giving the whole “there’s no way you did this, your heart is too big for this, this isn’t how I raised you” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… we’ll see how this goes. 

Wait. 

The mom is reinterpreting his actions because he’s telepathically telling her what really happened: that he chickened out and didn’t blow the people up. 

Um. 

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. 

In her dreams and in her prayers, ‘kay. 

Guy’s dying. Scully’s just standing there as he’s dying, not doing anything. 

Mulder thinks this is the perfect moment to walk around the room saying, “He spoke to me” on repeat. WE KNOW. 

Camera cuts to black. 

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. 

Mulder turns and walks out, not answering Scully or Miller, camera’s spinning around him and back and forth as Mulder says “I can explain but I can’t, he spoke to me in words I didn’t understand, it was Arabic” WHO CARES. WHO HONESTLY, REALLY CARES. 

“BABYLON THE HOTEL” IS WHAT THE NOT-TERRORIST-DREAM-GUY SAID IN THE DREAM. 

Reminds me of that one Harrison Ford movie where he lost his memory and a bit of his cognitive function and remembered Ritz and everyone thought it was Ritz crackers but it turned out to be a hotel where he’d been carrying on an affair. 

Anyway. 

There, the FBi showed up, slowmo of them taking down the terrorists, case solved, the end. Momma's love gave her visions and she saved her boy in the eyes of herself and like, four other people.

Why did this episode steal Weremonster's tone and Home Again's loud music integration? Wait, no, scratch the last one: it's just CC's mood music.

Einstein pats her boy metaphorically on the back, she has her hair down, she's changed; Miller doesn't feel like he helped but he did, guys, he does so good at beach.

SKIPPING THE MORAL AT THE END, GET ME TO MULDER AND SCULLY--

WAIT.

Einstein: "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious-- the source of all true art and science." WHAT DOES THIS QUOTE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?????????????????? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THEME, WHAT WOULD--

She gets snippy because he says something, he puts his earbuds back in, THAT'S COMEDY, GUYS, SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP--

oh, look, Mulder's listening to Music TM too, just like Miller. Just like us, the audience. Just like all who combine art and science and the mystery of--

(What did music have to do with this case, other than playing obnoxiously over the funny bits or tender moments... neither of which were really present, but.)

We're all united by our similarities, we all love music, right guys? We all want redemption and to be understood and to love, right guys??

OH, WAIT, NO.

THE HEAVENLY TRUMPETS.

I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE.

THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, AREN'T THEY???

THAT'S WHY EVERYONE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

Here comes Scully, guys, because this was all about love, remember? He's alone on his porch but she joins him, GET IT?

"Talk to me, Mulder."

"Oh, where to begin."

At least we know how their conversations go.

They both saw things, guys: he saw unconditional love, she saw hate without an end. But WE'RE ALL UNITED BY THE LOVE OF THE HUMAN HEART, THE BREADTH OF THE HUMAN SOUL, THE COMMONALITY OF THE HUMAN CONDITION, LET US ALL HOLD HANDS AND REJOICE AND NOT KISS ON-SCREEN BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE COOTIES.

"Walk with me, Scully."

They're walking.

He's thinking about God, the angry God of the Bible, and his differing thoughts and etc. etc. and this isn't a bad scene but I know it will end with poor writing and I'm... salty about that. (Why can't we have two mature adults talking over their fluctuating opinions on sensitive topics through a complicated, educated lens? Instead of... this?)

"He," Scully says, referring to the God of her Bible, "is the same angry God of the Koran." Which is an attempt to meet in the middle but, uh, perhaps isn't the best way to tackle this issue. Y'know. With the whole "angry" and "punishing" angle.

"Ordering death to the infidels." Uh. The only way DD and GA got away with this episode, in my opinion, was because they delivered these lines with care-- as if they want to understand, and have already embraced, other faiths. Because. Man. This could have ended badly for their careers.

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Mulder and Scully are both just... accepting that the anger of the Christian and Koran god is leading both sides to put on suicide vests (in the case of terrorists) or perpetuate hatred and murder (the Homeland Security officers and the nurse)...

But the Christian and Muslim faith is supposed to be about peace. Loving one another. That there's more in common than not. That their God is one of love-- how do you get "angry god" out of THAT????? THAT'S THE MESSAGE you come away with???? Really??????????????????????????????????

And this is directed at BOTH Muslims AND Christians, so I don't get why both religious sects haven't denounced this as foolish, ridiculous, even bigoted against their beliefs. Why's Scully just accepting all this when she SHOULD have asserted those are men twisting religion to fit their own ends, as she has in the past???????????????????????????

"Those boys swallowed a pill. It's the power of suggestion." ...Welp, this takes on a darker connotation with the rise of the Red Pill. BUT, since CC can't read the future: whaaaaaaaaaaaat does this have to do with an angry God or music or eternal love or unending hate?

NONE. OF. THIS. HOLDS. TOGETHER.

"Something to trump all hatred," Mulder says. Ah, Trump. Trumpet. Politics and music and love eternal all colliding. ...Don't you just feel so head patted right now? "Mother love."

"Woah," says Scully, leaning back. And yeah, hard agree.

HE WANTS TO BELIEVE THAT MOTHERS AREN'T HAVING BABIES TO BE MARTYRS; AND SCULLY BELIEVES CHILDREN AREN'T TOOLS TO SPREAD HATRED.

PLACEBO PILLS AND TRUMPETING-- WHICH WAS MENTIONED ONCE AT THE BEGINNING AND ONCE AT THE END AND NEVER AGAIN-- AND HATRED AND LOVE AND MOTHER LOVE??????????????????????? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGS HAVE NARRRRRRRRRRRRRATIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVELY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIN COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON?????

"FINDING A COMMON LANGUAGE AGAIN," WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

PLACEBO PILLS AND MUSIC AND LOVE AND HATRED AND ANGRY GODS AND MOTHERLY LOVE AND COMMON LANGUAGE???????????? NONE OF THAT FORMS A COHESIVE NARRATIVE, WHAT IS HAPPENING??????????????????????????????

"Maybe that's God's Will," Scully asserts.

"How can we really know?" Mulder asks, genuinely.

And I scream in torment and bang my head against the wall.

YOU RUINED A POSSIBLE EXPLORATION INTO SCULLY'S FAITH ON MULDER'S PART-- TO BETTER UNDERTAND IT-- BY SPOUTING CHRISTIANISMS AND MAKING ZERO SENSE AND NOT PROVIDING A LICK OF SENSE AND I'M SO MAD YOU JUST STOMPED ON A NICHE INTEREST OF MINE, WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS???????????????????????????? IT'S NOT HARD!!!!!!

"He's absent from the stage," Mulder continues; and there goes that fleeting religious exploration.

"Maybe it's beyond words. Maybe we should do like the prophets and... open our hearts," Scully replies.

What.

What.

WHAT Biblical prophet "opened his heart"?????? They were there to pronounce judgment upon Israel from God, from the angry God you mentioned earlier???? The peace and love part came from Jesus later on, and those weren't prophets who carried on his message THEY WERE APOSTLES, SCULLY, YOU'RE CATHOLIC, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS. I'M NOT CATHOLIC AND I KNOW THIS.

Is this an all-inclusive prophet thingy to include Islam?????? Or????

Why does this music sound like something David Duchovny would listen to?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMPETS?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

THE "I BELONG WITH YOU, YOU BELONG WITH ME" SONG IS PLAYING???????????? THE MEME SONG????????????? THE ROMANTIC SONG???????????????????? WHAT, ARE THE CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO MAKE OUT WITH MUSLIMS NOW OR SOMETHING???????????? ARE THE ANGELS CUEING UP MUSIC SO MULDER WILL KISS HIS GIRL OR SOMETHING, WHAT'S GOING ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN???????????????????

There must be lead poisoning in Mulder's depression pills he no longer needs, because this is concerning now.

CONCLUSION

What a poorly done episode.

Not as structurally infuriating as My Struggle I and Founder's Mutation-- the aforementioned episodes never stuck to any single plot point, narrative, or emotion-- but it's not. It's not good.

I will say: Mulder floating out of the hospital and doing a few steps here or there on the dance floor would have been… okay? But when he did flips, got lost in booty debauchery, and ascended to some sort of astral plane… that’s where everyone was, collectively, no longer in reality.  (Get it? Because we all speak one language, have one love, yadda yadda, yadda.)

Yeahhhhhhh.

My final thoughts? I'd watch this over the other episodes because it does the least damage to mainline canon. Hopefully that'll never happen ever again.

I refuse to watch the two Struggle episodes, so.

Bye, bye, Season 10! I won't be missing you!

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!