#This is what we have been doing our Pride animals for. It has always been for a dream like this:

[ebonytails]

GOT ACCEPTED INTO A LOCAL CON.. BABY'S FIRST ART MARKET

[hippielittlemetalhead]

Part 3 (One of Us) of 'Never Took The Time (To Forget)' previously known as 'Hopper Adopts Steve But Make It Sad'

Part 1 (Hop fucks up), Part 2 (Pride and Prejudices: Joyce Edition), part 3, Part 4.1 (With a Capital 'P'), Part 4.2 (Robin's Boy), Part 5 (Man Of The Hour)

Here's a bit more for you filthy animals 😘

Much like he's come to expect from the small soldiers these children have fashioned themselves into he's not surprised when they come pouring out of whichever of the twins' rooms they shoved themselves in like codependent sardines. He's not surprised by the looks of anger and disappointment and confusion. Claudia Henderson's kid -Dustin- looks on the edge of tears with a grim set to his mouth that reminds him of when the kid's mom is beyond words in her slow-burning fury. El and Will have matching looks of disappointed confusion.

What he's not expecting is the way Mike and the younger (usually more volatile) Sinclair are holding onto an incensed looking Lucas. Lucas who has always been the polite one when it came to addressing adults and the one to preach caution and thinking plans through. Lucas who has been quiet and withdrawn since Hop came back, spending his days at the edge of Party affairs when not helping in the rebuilding efforts around town or sitting at Max's bedside.

"What the fuck, Hopper?" The kid spits out and that seems to snap the rest of The Party into action. Will goes to join the two holding Sinclair back but Dustin starts near incoherently yelling in that screechy pitch only that kid seemed to be able to hit about bullshit cops and useless adults and to let Lucas go. "He idolized you, man! Would tell us all the time that you were 'one of the good ones' that if we ever needed anyone and he wasn't there, to find you. That you would take care of us because that's just what you did for people. Because you were good!"

"Lucas, chill out man." Mike pants though he's also glaring daggers at Hop.

This is where Joyce (god bless her) decides to step in. "Lucas, honey-" She says with her soft voice and big wet eyes and that warmth she seems to infuse into everything she touched. "It's complicated. There's some things you just don't understand and-"

"No! You two don't understand! Steve is GOOD. He's good and he cares and he takes care of everyone else and he always kept us safe." The kid seems to be losing some of his steam, pulling at his friends less and resigned to shaking in barely contained fury. "He gets hurt and he gets back up and he apologizes for taking a fall in the first place! He's just Good."

"I know he's been good to you kids and I appreciate that, I really do Lucas." Joyce says, her voice a little stronger, that steadiness returning. "Sometimes people in our lives can do bad things to others and we don't see it because we care about them and that's not always a bad thing. But we have to remember that the people who were wronged are allowed to be upset and that's normal to feel and-"

"You mean like Jonathan?" The room goes quiet. Will looks resigned but not surprised by Lucas' question but the rest of the kids look just as confused as him and Joyce. "Did you really think Steve broke his camera -in the school parking lot of all places- for the hell of it? Did you seriously never question it?"

Hop feels something twist in his gut. He had been so caught up in the search for Will and wrangling a frantic Joyce that he hadn't paid any attention to small-town squabbles like two teenagers having it out in the school parking lot, the destruction of personal property or what might have triggered it. He looks over the kids' heads to see Jonathan and his stoner buddy standing just outside his door. The friend looks confused but Jon is looking at his mom who hasn't noticed him yet like a man preparing himself for the gallows.

"Mom." Joyce's eyes snap from where they were locked on Lucas up to her oldest son. "Mom, I-"

"What are they talking about Jon?" It's quiet. Quiet and scared because everyone in the room knows that whatever secret reason Lucas (and maybe Will?) seems to be the only one to know Steve had for picking a fight isn't going to be good. Jonathan's mouth opens like he's going to say something but no words come out. "Honey, what did you do?"

"He took pictures of Steve and his friends the night Barbara Holland disappeared."

"Will?" all eyes except Lucas' (who is still glaring daggers at Hop) are on the two brothers. One scared and almost pleading the other disappointed and resolved.

"He hid in the bushes and took pictures of Steve and his friends with Nancy and Barbara. There were pictures of Barbara at the Harrington place before she died and he never told anyone. But there were also-" He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes like he can't look at his older brother who has hung his shaggy head under everyone's heavy gaze. "There were pictures of just Steve and Nancy. Alone together. In Steve's room."

There's a sharp gasp that he thinks came from Joyce but he's too busy watching the young man he's come to consider a son. His head is still lowered and his shoulders are curving in on themselves as he shakes off the hand his long-haired friend tries to place on his shoulder.

"Oh baby," Joyce's voice is wet again. A tone of horrified disappointment to it that Hop has only heard her use when talking to or about one other person. "Tell me you didn't."

"Then he-" Will clears his throat like this one is what gives him pause. "He was caught developing the pictures in the school's darkroom. All of the pictures. And he had zoomed in on Steve's window. Nancy was the center of the shot." The kid's eyes flit over to Mike (who is now turning an interesting shade of red as he glares at Jonathan) before he blushes and looks at the ground, "She uh-"

Lucas does not seem to share Will's newfound hesitance in the face of an enraged Mike Wheeler. "Most of the upperclassmen argue if she had a bra or not but they all seem to agree she didn't have a top."

"Oh my god." Everyone was frozen as Joyce began to crumble. "Oh my god." He reached out to catch her, her nails digging into his arm through his shirt sleeve as she stared unseeing at her oldest son.

Jonathan started forward. "Mom, I-" a hand in the middle of his chest stopped him. "Will, please, I need to-"

"Just stop, man." Lucas sighs. "You started this shit, you gotta deal with it before you hurt someone else besides Steve."

"I didn't mean to hurt Steve."

Hops feels himself frozen to the spot in a way he's not used to anymore these days. His mind is working overtime picking out all of the charges that could have been pressed even against a boy of 15/16 if any of the kids in Harrington's inner circle had told an actual adult about the situation. The veritable legal hell that would have been brought down on Joyce while searching for a son legally assumed dead.

"Is that what you told yourself when you helped Nancy cheat?" And it just kept getting worse.

Joyce gives off a whimper and the kids gathered make varied sounds of shock and disgust.

"They were broken up."

"Were they? Cause everybody at school and half the town seems to all know about you and Nancy disappearing together when Steve was still calling her his girlfriend and then you all showed back up to school, Steve beat to hell again and Nancy hanging all over you. The basketball team STILL talk about it."

He's heard enough. "Alright, that's it!" He yells out over the children yelling and Joyce demanding answers and Jonathan's friend trying to say something about there being some sort of explanation. "This doesn't help us help Steve."

Lucas shakes off the loose hold Erica and Mike still had on him and crosses his arms as he rolls back his shoulders and tilts his jaw up to fix him with a glare. The kid's stance is almost arrogant but Hop can't help but notice the way he rests his weight on his off side, his shoulders back and his posture straight without his chest puffing out ridiculously like Hop is used to from teenage boys gearing for a fight.

"I think you've helped enough, Hopper." It's quiet and biting and he lets himself have a moment of grief for the childhood these kids lost, and the fact that he's almost positive Lucas didn't pick up this easy confidence from anyone else in their monster fighting club but Steve. "You and Mrs. Byers want to play nice now cause you feel guilty and that's all well and good but what happens when Steve does something else you don't agree with without explanation? Or he and Jonathan or Nancy get in another fight? When we finally get rid of Vecna and the Upside Down for good? What happens when you don't feel guilty anymore?"

"I can't make any sort of promise you lot will believe. And lord knows I'm pretty shit at keeping them anyways. I just want to be able to try."

"He mourned you, you know. When we were told you didn't make it." That weight is back in his chest. "He held himself together around us but there were- there were moments we could tell. He and El really bonded over that. Over you. Over losing you."

"I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. You didn't want to know."

"There's no way I can make you believe me. That I want to fix this."

"We want to, Hopper." Dustin butts in, placing a hand on Lucas' shoulder and limping up next to the other boy. "But from what you and Mrs. Byers were talking about... There's just a lot that makes a lot more sense and it doesn't inspire a lot of faith in either of you."

"We need to discuss this as a Party."

"Okay."

"That means letting us take care of it. Steve's one of us and you hurt him."

"I understand."

"So you and Mrs. Byers have got to wait till we say you can talk to Steve. That he's ready for it."

"Now, kids-"

"No they're right, Joyce. We fucked it up on our own and- and he trusts these little shits more than he trusts us right now. We've gotta do the same."

Joyce sighs, "Fine."

She's not happy about it and honestly neither is he. But if the last few years and his stint in a Russian gulag and the subsequent escape taught him anything it's maybe he needs to trust his people to do what they need to do.

The kids scurry back to whichever of the Twins' room they came from, led by a newly determined and involved Lucas and a furiously muttering Dustin. Jonathan and Joyce make their way to the kitchen and Hopper decides he's going to let them have that conversation in as much privacy as they can with a house as full as theirs.

Hopper sits in the living room, runs his hands through his hair that's finally growing out and pulls them down his face before resting his chin on steepled fingers. He hates sitting and waiting and relying on someone else for the next steps. But all he can think about is the sound Steve made. The look in his eyes. The pride in his voice the last time he heard him say, "My Hop."

That's it!

He stands up so fast his bad ankle protests and his knees pop. He limps to the front door, yelling out to the house that he has to go, has something to do. Calls out he has his walkie and that El needs to be ready on time. Then he's out the door.

Part 4.1

More coming soon! Hopefully! Work went from an active team of about 12 to 5, not including the managers we lost ssssooo... Yeah fun times. 🙃

So here's a tag-list, hope I didn't miss anyone. Feel free to yell at/with me in the comments or ask box. If you see your old tag in my list tell me your new one so I can fix it.

@thelittleclare @jackiemonroe5512 @0body0disphoria0 @strangersteddierthings @lingeringmirth @dead-cherry-bitch @irethsune @ink777 @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner @ledleaf @pansexuality-activated @paintsplatteredandimperfect @kinryuuki @katdeerly @yikes-a-bee @altocumulustranslucidus @ohimamarigold @child-of-cthulhu @samsoble @sensationalsunburst @xxbottlecapx @y4r3luv @rocochen20 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @flustratedcas @rootbeerandmusic @vinteraltus

[jacesvelaryons]

The Reluctant Empress (Jacaerys Velaryon x Female!Reader)

Act II. Burgeoning

(19th Century Imperial Austria AU)

summary: crown prince jacaerys gets to know his prospect betrothed and future bride whom he has been arranged with to marry, your sister helaena targaryen, but true to your wild spirit, you cannot help but wonder what awaits in the world behind gilded castles and royal splendour.

word count: 2.4k words

a/n: i'm so sorry this took an entire year before an update but it is finally here! i apologize as I had some health things to settle, and with brain fog and got more distracted by other fandoms but here we go! once again, please comment and share what you liked, what you'd want more for me and request and let me know as my inbox is always open <3 let me know if you want to be on the taglist or not getting tags!

series masterlist

previously: prologue | act i

masterlist

requests OPEN

“Men at some time are masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.” ― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Seated between her mother and sister, Y/N eyes roamed around the dining hall in the palace that hosted the royal family and her covey. Changed into an emerald green gown, wearing the necklace and earrings her father gave her on the last name day before his passing, she paid no mind to the significance of the occasion and was just glad to be there, surrounded in the splendor of the castle walls.

She knew that it was Helaena’s time to shine, and she would not want to rob her of her light, of the opportunity that would change their fortunes and not have Alicent scrabbling and worrying over the last penny of their expenses.

Twirling her fork on the pesto noodles in front of her, Y/N remained silent and just patiently listened to all the conversation around her, between her mother and her childhood friend the Queen, who inquired about Helaena’s well being, her lifestyle and assessing on how she would adjust becoming the next consort upon wedding Jacaerys.

Dazed out in a world of her own, Y/N did not hear Jacaerys reverting his attention to her aptly, until her sister nudged her ankle with her shoe, repeating her name on his tongue like it was the sweetest honey, curiosity and amusement on his features.

“Lady Y/N, what do you do in your free time, my lady?”

Stammering like a cat bit her tongue, she cleared her throat as she gathered herself and make her look and sound presentable.

“I ride horses, my prince. I hunt and I have picked up the sword a few times.” Lady Y/N bluntly replied, already feeling the burning glare of your embarrassed mother. Queen Rhaenyra only watches in amusement, how her confidante could have a daughter who was nothing like her mother.

Jacaerys was intrigued, leaning forward to hear Y/N better and scooch closer over to Her. A curious smile on his handsome, chiseled face, his curly brown hair starting to grow out and neatly groomed behind his ears.

Plates and utensils remained untouched as Y/N and Jacaerys were engrossed in an engaging, animated conversation, passionate replies to uncontrollable laughter.

The older women present at the table watched with trepidation, Lady Alicent’s habits of digging into her fingernails returned while the silver-haired queen’s expression turned unreadable.

Helaena swallowed her wounded pride of being ignored and not found as an interesting companion, playing with her knife and fork, digging at the roast beef the same way her young daughter would.

As the servants gather the finished main course meals and replace them with fresh fruit and lemon cakes for dessert, Rhaenyra swiftly suggests for the elder Targaryen sister to read out some of the poetry her mother praised earlier.

“You must share with us your talent in verse and poetry, Lady Helaena.”

Relieved, the indigo hued girl stood up at the end of the table, grabbing her little booklet hidden in the pockets of her skirt. Flipping through its parchment pages, she settles to a recent entry close to the end of the worn out leather bound book, covered with an embroidered beetle.

To want is the most natural thing Inherent in the blood through our veins The very primal urge of our being Yet we will always want, and want With no end like a black hole What better to want what is not ours? To covet what the other possesses To take away what is given as easily as it was owned?

Her raspy voice echoed through the halls mellifluously in perfectly rehearsed High Valyrian. Yet you could not help a guilty perception weighing on you, blossoming at the pit of your stomach and you could not shake it off. You were doing nothing wrong, you told yourself, wanting to believe in it but it felt wrong.

Y/N’s fears arose to the surface when she could feel a burning stare on her face intensely, as if memorizing her very form and that she would disappear into nothing anytime. You were listening as intently as you could, yet when you turned, Jacaerys did not pay mind to a single word Helaena said as his focus was fixated on you.

No, no, no. Nothing was going as planned. Everything was going wrong. She praises whatever gods intervened when the heir’s brother Prince Lucerys gracefully diverted the topic into the new cuisines created by the cooks of the Keep with the freshest catches of seafood from Driftmark.

…

“Y/N, what do you think you were doing out there?! Do you think I do not notice your need to always be the centre of attention?” The shrill shrieking of her mother’s voice pierced through her ear drums, yet Y/N was unsurprised and used to such altercations with her mother.

Following the uneasy supper, the three ladies from Dalston Keep returned to their chambers to change midday in preparation for the tour around the gardens with the queen and her heir again after a few hours of respite.

Silently humiliated as they reconvened in private, the illusion of propriety that Lady Alicent carried in front of the queen and prince ripped away, unleashing a ferocity unrestrained like never before.

“I did nothing, mother. I was polite and engaged in a conversation when I was spoken to.”

“You did more than that, you foolish girl! It was about your sister. All of this was about her, not you! Is it so difficult for you to tone down your tendencies for once so we can go according to the arrangement? You put our fortunes up to be desolated. You are as careless as your father!” The sting of her final words hung in the air, salt over the open wound for such a loss. Y/N knew her mother did not love her father, who was older than her own father, and only did her duty to her ailing, troubled, aging husband.

“Mother, that is enough! Do not bring father into this.” Helaena countered exasperatedly, holding onto her sister by her shoulders in defense. “Y/N did nothing wrong. It was..it was me. I should have engaged with the prince more. She did me a favour.”

Y/N gasps in disbelief, astonished her beloved sister would keep taking her side when it was clear she was the wounded party.

“Do not worry about it, mother. I promise I will remain silent from now on. I want this to be Helaena’s night.” Y/N swears sincerely, wanting to defend Helaena and stay away from any trouble from now on.

Alicent does not fully believe her youngest, but nods solemnly as she seeks to move this behind them, returning to her dignified, contemplating gaze with her perfect posture and arms clasped at her waist.

Subsequently, a drove of maids and seamstresses poured in, as Alicent went to her solitary room while the sisters shared a larger room. Each stepped on the raised wooden platform. Taking lush gowns from the closet, they plucked out a rich emerald green gown with fitted sleeves for Helaena.

Meanwhile, a muted seafoam gown was placed on Y/N, as maids scuttered behind her to tighten the corset and laces. Y/N whimpered quietly in discomfort, never finding any gratification in restrictive court dress upheld by centuries of protocol and conduct. It barred her sense of freedom, clipped off her wings from flight and reminded her of a bird in a cage.

Heirloom pieces of emerald silver lined jewelry were given to Helaena, designed to accentuate her beauty and prepare her for her upcoming role and ascent into her duty. As the daylight trickled in through the lace curtains and open windows, she looked like a future queen. A role she was raised to be. Otherworldly and ethereal, while Y/N was grounded to the earth, locks like flames and soil.

Y/N beamed in delight for her older sister, squeezing her hands in reassurance. Helaena reciprocated not as enthusiastically, the nerves still getting to her as her palms were sweating and shaking.

“You have nothing to worry about, Hel. We would not get this far if he did not consider you his bride already.”

“Truly, do you really think so?”

“I do. Without a doubt. You already look the part. It is only the formality left we are waiting for at the ball.”

The elder genuinely chuckled this time in relief, her joy finally meeting her eyes from the comfort and encouragement of her sister.

“Now, all that is left is for you to step into your destiny.”

…

Manicured gardens flourished in the peak of spring, cicadas chirping from the branches of oak trees. Lilies and carnations in hues of apricot and blush, while the outlying paths were paved in blue hydrangeas and violet peonies.

Queen Rhaenyra adorned a lapis lazuli blue gown adorned in gold trimmings and sapphires sewn onto her bodice, matching the stone necklace of the color on her neck and matched her tiara, a reminder of her late mother and former queen.

She pleasantly strolled with a natural confidence, carrying herself with an ease afforded by one who has known privilege and power all her life. Guiding a tour around the Red Keep at the height of its social season, Rhaenyra proudly showed off her domains, and subtly if so, the lands that Helaena would take care of as its hostess after she marries Jacaerys and becomes his queen when the time comes.

Behind her was her eldest Crown Prince Jacaerys, always without a hair or trivet out of place, the picture of perfection that she had groomed since his birth. Dressed more casually in teal with the seahorse emblem on his chest, he honoured his late father Lord Laenor Velaryon, further dispelling any rumours or uncertainty around his paternity.

Although he did not directly resemble his father, he has begun to share features with his paternal grandmother Princess Rhaenys with her Baratheon colouring, and the shape of his nose and chin mirrored her father, who was another Prince of Dragonstone, Prince Aemon the Pale Prince. As rider of Vermax, it was undeniable he was the prince long awaited by the realm, whom millions of hopes and dreams were instilled in.

Standing beside him was Lady Helaena Targaryen, his expected betrothed in everything but formality. Raised with the intention of becoming a princess consort, she was demure, shy, obedient and trusting, exactly what the people of Westeros wanted of their model future queen. Proven in her success of childbearing, onlookers examined her critically on baited breath as they wanted to know who will bear the next generation of Targaryen rulers on the Iron Throne.

Their chaperons trailed behind them, Lady Alicent arm in arm with Lady Y/N, in the same shade of muted green, but her mother had visible symbols of the Faith of the Seven from her necklace, her dark headdress and veil, and on the cuffs on her wrist and belt. Y/N distractedly took in her sights, studying every nook and cranny of the storied palace with eagerness and pursuit.

“This garden still follows the design plan created by Queen Rhaenys the Conqueror herself, yet it was only finished years after her passing in Dorne.”

The queen continued the tour of the keep, while she discreetly eavesdropped on the conversation between her heir and his expected betrothed. The two were engaging pleasantly yet amiably on the surface level, their dialogue not reaching too far. Unaware of a figure parting at the fork and heading another direction.

…

When she is assured she’s clear and no one can find her, Y/N Targaryen smirks victoriously as she heads straight and turns left towards the barn, near the dragonpit, where the horses and grazing animals were located.

On nimble footsteps, through the mud and manure, she makes a run for it as two stableboys turn the corner and miss her, as they forgot to close the stables and she sneaks in.

As the afternoon light trickles in, Y/N looks around curiously, before her attention is caught by this white mare, with its freshly brushed mane and shining horsehair, an anomaly among ebony and hickory. Not wanting to startle the majestic creature, she prances until she’s in front of the horse, hushing and cooing at them as she latches onto the reins.

She holds the mane by her reins, tugging gently as she walks through the barn and the empty backwaters of the ancient castle. It is quiet, with most servants resting for their annual nap and their morning duties finished, so Y/N is able to ride the stallion undiscovered.

The lingering scent of the manure and greenery turns into salty waters of aegean and spruce and the earthy, musty petrichor from the rain on the fir and cedar trees earlier in the morning.

A hint of the cool breeze tingles through her skin, a dress and not proper riding gear in its leathers and furs, but she brushes it off, as King’s Landing in the spring at this time of the year has turned warm and the rain from earlier is long gone.

She rides as far as her companion will allow, until the peripheral view of the Red Keep grows distant from over her shoulder. Y/N stops at the fork of the road before it joins the greater Kingsroad, diverting by the forest with towering trees and fallen logs. Sitting by the foot of a trunk, Y/N pauses for some stillness, her back pressing against the hard trunk as she closes her eyes, before grabbing an apple and vial of water to share with her stallion.

As she and the mare finish the fruit, she stands up to brush off any leaf and dirt on the back of her skirt, about to mount once again before she hears echoes of confrontation growing closer. Y/N has barely begun to leave the forest and return to the artery before she is surrounded by hooded, disheveled men with smug expressions.

Unable to avoid contact, she politely acknowledges them and pulls her cape over her flaming locks before she is stopped from moving in either direction. “Good morrow, sirs.”

She yelps as she’s grabbed by her wrists by the men, struggling to stay on her saddle as the mare turns skittish. “Not so fast, my lady. We need something from ya, and you gotta pay up for our silence. Comes with a price.” The men smirk, distant galloping approaching them.

Y/N yelps as she is knocked off her horse, hitting her head against the rock and all turns into darkness around her. She hears a distant echo of another mount heading her way, furious yelling and clattering swords. Her head throbs, feeling the blood dripping down her nape, as her eyes flutter closed.

[colourstreakgryffin]

If we saw how Charlie and Alastor reacted to Rarity like!reader and Pinkie Pie like!reader,maybe a Fluttershy like!reader x Husk??

Idk I think they would be cute together

Haha. Awww, I can just imagine Husk carrying us away whilst we’re crying in fear over Charlie borrowing our little animal friends for the Hotel briefly! Needless to say, this is actually the cutest and one of my favourite MLP-Hazbin mix-couples/duos so far! And again, kinda short!

Husker- Glass Barfly

As I stated previously, Husk is a sweetheart of a lover and his patience is quite high so trust me. He can handle his precious timid helpless little girlfriend better than anybody else. Somebody who is so shy yet kind that she hides behind him for support, he is quite good

Of course, Husk can’t help but instinctively treat you like glass. The most beautiful glass figure he’s ever found. He knows what to do with you

Husk is emotionally intelligent and able to recognise problems very well. So, he can recognise your antisociality and your fear over coming off as a fool, for that, he’ll slowly and carefully push you into pushing your own boundaries for your own good

Husk is getting better and better with your animal friends. He isn’t perfect but he doesn’t ever harm them… well, not on purpose. He’s growing to handle how many they are and how often you carry around your hot-tempered bratty bunny, Devil

Husk finds you precious and he’d beat the shit out of Alastor with the bar itself to protect you. You’re a little fragile butterfly, a charming doll of kindness that loves her animals. It’s natural that he adores every fibre of your being. Others may get annoyed with your shyness, he doesn’t

You can fly like Husk and have wings like him. He is lazy and dislikes flying but he will fly to encourage you to use your wings more. They are soft and beautiful, you deserve to be able to rely on them. He wants you feel comfortable so he will make it that you are. Luckily, he always succeeds

Husk is quite proud everytime you stand up for yourself or you do something you’d never normally do without his push. You’re learning, you’re growing! He can’t help but feel his heart swell at it and he showers you with praise and pride as soon as he can

Husk is learning to be a good person whilst you’re learning to be more confident. You’re helping each other and for that, you’re both quite dedicated to each other. Husk is your armour but you’re his heart

Husk knows you like the functions of a roulette game. He knows when your patience has been pushed too far and when you’re willing to be firm, if not cruel and harsh, and when that happens. He doesn’t even try sway you, he steps back and waits for you to cool down before calming you even more

Husk is always covered in your animal friends. And always means always! He has birds, squirrels, bunnies, butterflies, all kinds of Hell animals following him about the Hotel and he knows that they like him as much as they like you

Husk enjoys snuggling you in bed after work hours. Wings perked overs yours and laid over your back. You’re warm, you’re safe and you’re covered in soft fur. Both you and him like this so every night. You hop into the bed you share with Husk and he hops on top of you

Husk is the only one who can and will hear you in your whole singing glory. You’re way too insecure to sing around anybody else and it took some time for you to be comfortable with him but now that you are, you feel confident and safe singing around him

Yep. Husk got you a cute ring with a pink butterfly-shaped gemstone in the middle. It’s, to you, a sign that he is your safe spot and always is your safe spot. The one you can not be so frightened of embarrassing yourself with, somebody you can lean on and feel supported with

Husk knows about your crippling fear of social situations and how easy it is to embarrass you so you two regularly just spend time together and not ever go out, not until you actually feel okay with it. But of course, you’ll always do stuff for him too. You both give and take from one another

If it is my choice, y’all are engaged

“Leitora, butterfly. Don’t worry, the little buds will be okay. Do you want to go back to our bedroom, we don’t have to watch anything Charlie does with ‘em”

[twidara]

NANA Analysis: the bathtub theory, love and self-destruction.

TW: suicide and self-harm

⚠️SPOILERS

This isn’t a topic widely discussed due to the abrupt hiatus of NANA, but our dear Ai Yazawa loves to work with foreshadowing, and we have enough clues to consider that something really bad happened between the two timelines.

Nana is a realistic work, and we can see representations of self-destructive behaviors in many characters. When it comes to Nana Osaki and Nana Komatsu (whom I'll refer to as Hachi to make things easier), we can see these behaviors manifesting with anyone they love.

Due to her abandonment trauma, when Nana feels love for someone this can bring out her worst side: possessiveness, selfishness, jealousy, and envy. Ren is Nana’s first love, and through him, she forms a special connection with music and be singer becomes her dream. However, Nana considers her dreams and her pride more important than anything else.

For Hachi, love is more idealized… she follows the ‘formula’: fall in love > date > get married > have children > happily ever after. But Hachi doesn't just idealize love, she also idealizes who she loves.

So I think that ‘love’ becomes a self-destructive emotion for both of them. When Nana feels abandoned by those she loves (Ren and Hachi < mainly this woman), she experiences mental gaps (forgets about what she done and what happen) and also hyperventilates. Nana briefly talks about her mental gaps when she remembers the memory of her mother left her behind in the snow (while wearing red heels, which Nana realizes may not be a reliable memory). Also, she and Ren have this toxic relationship with no perspective for future, which hurts them a lot.

Then… we have Hachi, who has an insatiable desire to be loved, and this becomes ‘the compass’ for all the bad decisions she’ll make throughout her journey. Groomed by an older man in high school, moves to Tokyo with many dreams and ends up getting cheated on, and meets Takumi. Well, you already know the rest. The problem with this Nana isn’t particularly in how she loves people; she can be selfish at times, but her love is genuine, she’s not the priority. Like Nana Osaki says she’s a ‘puppy’: you kick the puppy, it gets hurt, but then the puppy always comes back to you. Hachi’s problem is that she has no self-love, pride won't be a problem, she's able to see herself as the villain in any situation (even with Takumi).

The relationships between Ren and Nana, and Hachi and Takumi are toxic in different ways. We can see both Nanas struggling with the frustration of these relationships. Nana hurts her pride so she can have some control over Ren, but it doesn’t really work.

Nana: [You can't make people do what you want. Even if you cry... or shout... or cling to them.]

And even though Hachi tries to follow this 'formula', she can’t fill the emptiness inside her, living a life full of regrets.

Hachi: [It's like the jealousy of a woman who wasn't capable of being happy... Always acting on stage, alone, running in circles no matter what she did.]

Let’s get to the point: What happened in the bathtub? I’ll start with the numerous foreshadowings about self-harm and drowning in water. I've lost count of how many times Junko and Kyosuke talked about this:

Kyosuke: [That’s scary… she might even slit her wrists, who knows.]

Junko: [Girl... I was knocking so hard for so long. I was scared you’d slit your wrists with a razor blade! (I could see it all... Blood spurting out...)]

and there's more and more... let's skip

So for some reason, everyone is convinced that Hachi is going to cut her wrists because of a heartbreak, which never even crosses her mind lol, as we can see she had other plans:

Hachi: [That night... If Nana hadn’t been there for me... I would have thrown myself into the Tama river. I’m sure of that.]

The irony is… when it comes to representations of drowning or anything related to water, Nana is the focus. We have this scene in manga, and in anime opening, we see a lot of scenes of Nana drowning.

The bathtub is more symbolic between Nana and Ren; Ren was constantly using the bathtub to ‘drown in drugs’, Reira and Takumi seem aware of this. But again, the bathtub is also extremely symbolic between Nana and Hachi, we can see some intimate moments there. And of course, Ai Yazawa wants to make us freak out. When we are convinced that Nana is the one who got hurt in the bathtub, it relates back to Hachi when she talks to Miu:

Later in the ‘present’ timeline, we’ll also see Nobu worried about Hachi while se prepares a bath for him, but Hachi is someone who could be greatly affected by a possible suicide attempt from Nana. Nana also has that death pact with Ren, in last chapters, we can see that her situation it’s not good, she’s still clinging to love to live, in this case, holding on to Hachi. To be fair, Hachi is also in a terrible situation, she’s pregnant; her hormones are all over the place, and the postpartum it’s cruel.

But I don’t think Ai Yazawa would repeat what’s happened with Shin’s mother, although Hachi is very close to that role now; after all, no matter what others think, ‘I’m his mother’. The situation of Shin’s mother it’s a parallel to Hachi’s pregnancy at certain points, especially since Yazawa wants to keep the mystery of the baby’s paternity.

Anyway, Nana, all we know is that she disappeared and everyone thought she was dead, with rumors like ‘She died at sea’.

Nana: [Any place was fine with me… As long as I could see the sea. I can die whenever I want… As long as I know the sea’s nearby. I came here… Looking for a place to die. So why… am I still here?]

The only doubt in my mind is that the women of the Osaki family are naturally runaways. Nana could have simply run away from the start. But she’s still the strong candidate, since she mentions that Hachi saved her life and since BOTH are named Nana, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hachi was just a misleading clue all this time. Junko and Kyosuke calls Hachi for her name (Nana), but maybe I’m just overthinking.

Is getting long, so to wrap up, I want to talk about the meaning of the name Ren (蓮), especially since we have two characters named Ren in Nana. The lotus flower in Buddhism represents the belief in samsara, the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. Also, is often seen as a symbol of purity because it rises and blooms beautifully above the muddy waters from which it grows. This imagery represents the idea of achieving spiritual purity despite difficult circumstances.

Nana’s Ren is dead, and given everything he represented to her, it’s entirely understandable that she feels lost. On the other hand, Hachi’s Ren has yet to be born, and it’ll likely be her greatest point of development. Although Nana seems strong enough to overcome anything, she’s not, while Hachi, who is seen as fragile, manages to persist through difficulties. It’s as if their roles initially invert: Hachi gains strength, and Nana weakens (I'm just making a comparison with the beginning of the story). Nana and Hachi continue to live with the hope that ‘Life is about getting knocked down over and over, but still getting up each time. If you keep getting up, you win’. This is something Nana learned from Ren and taught to Hachi. It’s simply beautiful how, despite everything, their love for each other is what keeps them strong, even when apart; love has become a form of healing for Nana and Hachi.

I've wanted to write about this for a while, now that I’ve read NANA 777 times, I can talk about it with more confidence hehe.

[merrybloomwrites]

I Hear Them Calling (Chapter 6)

Story Summary: Alpha Harry Styles and omega Y/N Y/L/N meet under less than ideal circumstances. Overtime their paths will cross and they will be drawn to one another in ways they never expected.

Chapter Summary: Harry is full of surprises including a package shipped to Y/N's home, shows cancelled due to the flu, and an unexpected visit.

Previous Chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5

Word Count: 4.8k

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There’s over five weeks between when you arrive home from Chigaco and when you finally have your doctor's appointment scheduled. The first week, you feel totally fine. Spending a full weekend with Harry, dropping in his presence, and being scented by him has completely taken care of your touch deprivation symptoms. Temporarily.

By week two the dizziness starts to creep up again. Then the itching, followed by the chills. No matter what you do, you just cannot seem to get warm. Towards the end of the third week, it’s starting to become unbearable. You’re constantly exhausted and shaky and just so cold.

Even though you have been talking to Harry almost every day, you haven’t told him how bad the depri has been getting. Part of you still hasn’t gotten over your pride. It’s difficult to admit that you need help just due to your biology. The other part of you doesn’t want to worry him. You know how busy he is and the last thing you want to do is add another stressor.

Even without you saying anything, the alpha seems to sense that you’re struggling. Just as it’s getting really bad a package arrives at your door. It’s a huge box and when you open it you find it filled with a number of smaller, sealed bags.

There’s a note on top, handwritten by Harry, that reads:

Dear Y/N,

I hope you’ve been doing well since we last saw each other. I know you still haven’t been able to get new soothers yet and I was worried your touch deprivation symptoms might be bothering you again. I remember you saying that nesting doesn’t help much without other scents present.

I’ve scented a number of materials for you. Sarah has as well, in case it’s better to have a variety. The bags will trap the scent in, which is why I’ve separated the materials into a few different bags. You can open each as you need more, and they’ll hold on to our scents longer.

I know nesting is very private for omegas, so don’t feel like you need to report back if it worked or not, though I’m always here to listen if you’d like to talk about it.

Sincerely Yours,

Harry

It’s late-afternoon and you’ve already finished your work for the day, so you start looking at the labels on the bags. There are blankets, shirts, sweatshirts, hats, scarves, stuffed animals. Anything you could want to make a perfect nest.

Suddenly you’re hit with an overwhelming desire to build a nest, something you’ve never felt before. There’s a section of your room between the bed and the wall that will be the perfect spot. It’s cozy, tucked away from the rest of the apartment, and the large windows let it sunlight for most of the day.

The first thing you do is vacuum the carpet, needing it to be perfectly clean in order to begin the project. Next, you grab the old twin mattress out of your basement storage space, grateful that you hadn’t thrown it away when upgrading to a queen-sized bed. It fits perfectly in the spot you’ve chosen, and you take out your own spare comforters and blankets for the base. Since they’ll be covered in scented objects you figure you’ll save the scented blankets for another time.

After the base is made you get stuck. You’ve never successfully nested before, and you’re unsure where to begin.

It’s a frustrating feeling. You’re an omega, nesting should be second nature to you.

Before you can spiral too deep, you call Harry who immediately answers with a “Hi there, love. How are you?”

Just hearing his voice is enough to calm you and stop the spiral.

“Hi,” you reply. “I’m good. I got the package you sent. Thank you for everything.”

“Of course. I hope it helps.”

“I uhm, I’m trying to build a nest.”

“That’s wonderful!” He sincerely replies.

“Emphasis on trying,” you say. He’s quiet for a moment, giving you time to explain further. “I’ve got the base, but I’m stuck now. I have no clue where to put everything else. And I feel like a lousy omega because I should just know how to do it, right?”

“Not at all, sweetheart. First of all, you could never be a lousy omega. But there might be a bit of a disconnect between you and your inner omega. You’ve been on suppressants for years, basically since you presented. Your instincts will come. You just need to be patient with yourself.”

You take in every word he says and a weight lifts off your shoulders.

“How do you always know what you say?” You ask with a laugh.

He laughs with you for a moment before his chuckles turn into coughs.

“You alright?” You ask.

“Yea, I’m good, just a little tickle or something,” he answers, voice slightly raspier than usual. “Listen, I have to go get ready for the show soon. I ordered you some food, it should get to your apartment in a little while. Take a break, relax, eat some dinner, and try again. Don’t overthink it, just start and see where it takes you, alright?”

“Okay. Break a leg tonight,” you reply.

“Thank you darling. Talk to you soon,” he says as he ends the call.

You take a quick shower while waiting for the food to arrive. This isn't the first time Harry’s sent you a meal. It’s his way of taking care of you even from across the country. The doorbell rings and you’re not surprised to see that he ordered your favorite Italian dish, reminding you how much he truly listens, and somehow seems to know what you’re craving before you do.

You do as he says and relax during dinner, watching an episode of your favorite comfort show. After you’re finished you decide to try again. You put on Harry's first album and grab one of the bags from the box. The note says it has two shirts, a sweater, and a scarf, all with Harry scent. You open it and his scent surrounds you. The task at hand no longer seems daunting, but rather exciting.

Over the next hour you construct a perfect nest, at least in your opinion. You’ve used materials from two bags of Harry’s and one of Sarah’s, as well as scenting a few materials of your own. The combination of smells is wonderful, absolutely soothing to your omega.

Possibly your favorite thing Harry sent is a new stuffed bunny, referencing the fact that you’ve compared him to a bunny rabbit on multiple occasions.

You’re cuddled in the best, new bunny in your arms, and you pull up your phone. It’s later than you thought, and Harry’s show will be starting soon. Lately you haven’t been able to watch many of his concerts due to the time change. But you decide to stay up late tonight and start a little bit later than usual tomorrow, fully taking advantage of the freedom you have for your job.

Everything starts normally but you notice a change in Harry’s demeanor about halfway through. His voice starts getting raspier, he’s turning his head to cough and clear his throat more often than usual, and he generally just seems a bit off.

That coughing earlier was definitely not just a simple little tickle.

You give him thirty minutes after the show ends to get home and shower before you FaceTime him. He answers immediately and says, “What are you still doing awake?” His voice sounds even worse than before.

“I was watching your show,” you answer.

“So you saw how shit I was?”

This is what you were afraid of. This is why you stayed up even later to talk to him. Because you knew he’d be beating himself up even though he’d obviously pushed through pain to give the very best concert he could.

“Harry, no, you absolutely were not shit. I won’t lie, you sounded a little croaky when you spoke, but the songs sounded perfect. You still put on an excellent show. How are you feeling?”

“Well, I’m upset for starters. But physically I kind of feel like garbage. My throat burns, my body’s aching, and I’m exhausted.”

“You need to rest, Harry. Give yourself time to get better.”

“I know that you’re right, but it’s hard. There’s always something that needs to be done,” he says with a sad, small voice that nearly breaks your heart.

“It’s not healthy to push yourself too hard. You need a break or it’s only going to get worse.” Your voice is laced with concern, as you practically plead with him to take care of himself. You’ve gotten to know him well over the past few weeks and you’re fully aware of his tendency to overwork himself, and his habit of putting everything before himself and his health. He’s explained that it’s a holdover from his early experience in the music industry and how hard management pushed him and the other boys when they first started. Since then, it’s been hard to change his mentality on the issue.

He nods without saying anything, and you take it as a win; albeit a small one. At least he’s willing to agree that he needs to take it easy. You can only hope that he actually will.

“Where are you?” he suddenly asks. “I don’t recognize your background.”

You smile and blush before replying, “I’m in my nest.”

“You are? It worked? How to do feel?” There’s a definite change in his attitude now, excitement rather than despair.

“It worked. Thank you again for the materials and the help earlier. I feel,” you pause for a moment to think before saying, “content. And safe.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. Truly just made me feel better knowing I could help you in some way.”

“I wish I could do the same for you.”

“You do. You help me. By calling, and talking me down from a spiral. And looking so cozy in your lovely nest.” Your cheeks warm again at the alpha complimenting the nest you worked so hard on. You feel proud to have made something that he approves of, especially with no prior experience. Suddenly thoughts of nests you can make for the two of you, maybe one day pups as well, force their way into your mind.

“I’m glad I could make you feel better,” is all you say in reply.

Your eyes meet for a moment, just simply taking each other in, before Harry finally says, “It’s pretty late here, and I know it is way past your bedtime. Get some sleep darling.”

“I will. Please, take it easy tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, love,” he replies with a soft smile.

“Good night Harry.”

“Goodnight Y/N.”

You roll over, nose facing the wall of the nest, where Harry’s scent is strongest and you’re able to pick up on a hint of Sarah’s as well. Even though you’re worried about Harry, your surroundings have you calm enough to quickly fall asleep.

The next few days are difficult. Harry gets diagnosed with the flu and seems to just be getting sicker. He does everything he can to get better, but unfortunately ends up needing to postpone three shows while he continues to rest and get back to performance shape.

He’s upset and frustrated about the situation, and you spend much of those days texting and talking on Facetime to reassure him that no one is mad at him. While you agree that they might be a bit disappointed, you remind him that his true fans care about him and wouldn’t want him to push himself too far.

One week of rest does him a world of good. It’s obvious at his next show, exactly seven days later, that he has made a full recovery. You stay up again to watch the very beginning of the concert and fall into a peaceful sleep knowing that Harry is back in full health and back to doing what he loves.

Another week after that Harry’s finished his US residencies and it’s finally time for your doctor’s appointment.

As much as you’ve been looking forward to being seen and having your problem fixed, you’re incredibly nervous going in. You hadn’t been able to speak to Harry that morning as he was traveling and you’re more anxious than you expected to be.

Your doctor is a lovely beta woman who doesn’t bat an eye when you lay your sweatshirt next to you on the bed during the exam. You’d pulled it out of one of the bags that morning specifically to have Harry’s scent with you, and since you had to change into a patient gown this is the next best option. It works in keeping you calm as she goes through the rather invasive checkup.

After the physical exam is over she leaves so you can change before discussing what she found. Once you’re dressed the nurse leads you to her office and you sit across from her at the desk.

“First of all,” she begins. “I want to assure you that you’re perfectly healthy.” You breathe a sigh of relief at that, not even realizing that you’d been at least a little concerned that something was wrong.

“It seems we were right in assuming that you’ve developed a tolerance to your medication regimen. You were on a fairly high dosage so unfortunately it won’t be as simple as switching to different meds. You’d likely start having these same problems within just a year or possibly a couple of months.”

You listen closely, hanging on to every word even though you’re worried about where this is headed.

“What I would like to have you do,” she continues, “Is go completely off the medications for six months. This will allow your body to basically reset. I won’t lie, it will be tough for a while, especially if you don’t have an alpha, but it will ensure that the meds will be completely effective for years to come once you start back up.”

“I’ve never been unmedicated before,” you quickly say, trying to communicate how unsure you feel about what she is saying.

“Why don’t I tell you what you can expect during this time?” She asks and you nod, wanting as much information as possible.

“If you don’t have an alpha, then you’ll likely experience touch deprivation. It may be a little worse than what you’ve reported feeling recently, but I promise it will not be debilitating. It takes over a year for those symptoms to become severe. Nesting with objects that have been scented by an alpha will help with that. There are a couple of programs that can provide you with those materials if needed. I can give you the contact information.”

“No, thank you. I have a couple of alphas who have given me things. I’m sure they’ll be able to re-scent them for me if I ask,” you reply.

“Okay, wonderful. I’m glad you have some trusted alphas to help you. I urge you to accept help from them during this. It will make everything much easier for you and your inner omega. Now I know you like to hide your scent in public, which I completely understand given the way people tend to treat omegas. While you can’t take the oral scent blockers, the spray on kind is fine in moderation. I don’t recommend constant use though. And of course, being scented by an alpha is not only approved, but recommended.”

You smile slightly at this, thinking Harry would probably be happy with an excuse to scent you whenever possible.

“The last thing we need to discuss is heats. I have here that you’ve only experience two partial heats, correct?”

“Yes. My presentation heat, which lasted about a day, and then a two day heat a few months later before we landed on the right suppressant dosage.”

“Okay, you should experience two heats while off the medications. The first will be in about three months and will be similar to that last one you had. Shouldn’t last more than forty-eight hours and won’t be too intense. The second one should occur three months after that. This will be your first true heat and will last anywhere from four to seven days. It will also be more intense. I’ll give you some literature to read up on and some good sources to do research so that you can be prepared. After that second heat we’ll begin working out your new medicine regimen. Do you have any questions?”

Yea, you think to yourself, I have about a million questions. But no complete thoughts actually form in your brain, so you just reply, “No, I think I got everything.”

“Well, if anything does come up please reach out. I recommend email unless it’s something urgent since I have some time each day to sit and give a detailed reply, okay?”

“Got it.”

“Since you’ve already taken your meds today I’ll list tomorrow as the first day without them. You may start to feel a bit different within the next week.”

“Okay. Thank you so much,” you say as you both stand. She walks you out of the office and you part ways as she says, “Take care.”

You sit in your car for a moment as your mind spins with all the information you just received. When you finally feel focused enough to drive you wonder where to go next. You’d blocked the day off for this, knowing you probably would be too distracted to work at all after the appointment.

For a minute you debate stopping for a coffee on the way home. Getting a little treat after something unpleasant is like, a core part of girlhood.

But when you pull out of the parking lot you immediately start driving home. Because you know what you need right now, and it’s not a mocha latte.

Walking through your front door you quickly change into comfy clothes and curl up in your nest. This is exactly what your omega needs after the stressful morning. Nothing can beat being surrounded by the alpha’s wonderful scent.

Well, nothing except actually being with the alpha.

But that’s currently impossible. He’s traveling, probably almost in Mexico by now.

Right?

He’s going to Mexico. That’s what you keep telling yourself. It’s what you say when there’s a surprise knock on the door. It’s what you repeat when you open the door and see none other than Harry Styles standing in your apartment hallway.

He’s going to Mexico. Except he’s very much standing in front of you, flowers in one hand, a tray of drinks in the other, and a small suitcase next to him.

“Hi,” he says sweetly, dimples making an appearance as he smiles at you.

“Hi,” you answer just as quietly, still in disbelief of what you’re seeing.

You step back, silently inviting him in. He places the drinks and flowers on the table in your entryway so he can roll his suitcase in, shutting the door behind him.

The two of you stand there for a moment just taking each other in. Slowly, Harry leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your lips. He pulls back just an inch and there’s a moment of tension between you.

The moment doesn’t last long. You don’t know who moves first, but your lips quickly crash together in a kiss more heated than any you’ve shared before. His hands grip your waist, and you bite back a whine at the feeling of how big they are on your body. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, one resting on the back of his neck while the other slides through his hair.

You begin to walk backwards into the living room, never breaking contact. Harry sits on your couch, and you follow to straddle him, kneeling over him so your legs bracket either side of his. The kiss gets more intense, and this time you can’t hide the noise of pleasure when his tongue just barely passes between your lips.

After a few minutes of what is by far the best make out of your life, his hands move to your thighs. They slide up further and you become overwhelmed, pulling back from the kiss in response.

He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, doesn’t question what happened or if you’re okay. He knows why you stopped. He can read that you’ve gone as far as you’re comfortable with at this point. He smiles, presses one more chaste kiss to your lips, and then readjusts you so you’re sitting next to him, legs resting over his lap. He pulls you in, so you’re tucked against his side, and you stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying being close together.

“So, how did the appointment go today?” he finally asks.

Before you can answer your stomach starts to growl loudly, causing you both to laugh.

“Hold that thought,” he says, “let’s get some lunch first huh?”

“Sounds like a good plan. I can make some for us,” you say, and immediately head to the kitchen.

Harry uses the restroom while you prepare some sandwiches and fruit salad. It gives you a moment to process everything that happened that morning. You also think about how you’ll answer Harry’s last question. You decide to tell him the truth, tell him everything. He’s proved how deeply he cares about you, and honestly at this point you can’t imagine keeping anything from him.

So over lunch, you explain everything your doctor said. You tell him about the touch deprivation, and he reassures you that he’ll make sure you always have freshly scented materials to wear and put in your nest. You even tell him about the upcoming heats, though not without blushing the whole time.

“Is there anything I can do to help with that? Would you want me to be with you through it?” You’re endeared by the fact that his blush matches yours now.

You think about his offer for a moment and reply, “I don’t think so. At least not the first one. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. And, uhm,” you pause for a moment before admitting something. You’re scared to tell him, but you’ve already talked about enough embarrassing things today with him and your doctor, so one more can’t hurt. “I’ve never been knotted before. And though I want to someday, I want it to be right. And I want it to be when I’ll remember it, not while I’m under the haze of a heat. When we’ll both remember it.” You’re nervous at the end, including him the way you did, like you’re assuming he wants that too.

“I completely understand. There will be a time when we’re ready. And it will be perfect,” you share another shy smile, reassured that he included himself without any hesitation. He wants this, and he wants this with you. He sees a future to your relationship, just like you do.

“Now,” he continues, “when it comes to helping with the touch deprivation and you requiring scenting, I think we should choose some dates when we can be together. It’s not healthy for you if we’re apart for long periods of time. And honestly, I don’t want to go months without seeing you.”

“Me neither,” you reply.

“Do you want to pull out our calendars now, or forget about all this for the afternoon and just spend the day together and make some plans over the phone after I leave tomorrow?”

“Make plans later. Definitely. I want to enjoy the day with you.”

And so, the two of you have a lazy afternoon in. It had started to rain while you ate lunch, which gives you the perfect excuse to turn on the fireplace and lounge in the living room. You watch movies, play some games, and get lost listening to each other tell stories. Harry orders in dinner, Thai this time, and you each take your own showers before getting ready for bed.

Harry hasn’t been in your room yet, and you hesitate before opening the door to let you both in. He’s seen your nest over Facetime, but this is different, and suddenly you’re hit with the overwhelming need for him to approve of it. You don’t know what you’ll do if the alpha doesn’t like it.

Of course, your fear is for nothing. Because the second you bring Harry to the side of your bed and show him what you made, he immediately showers you in compliments. He tells you how perfect it is, how cozy it looks.

“Would you like to lay in it with me? I know it’s kind of small, so I understand if-” he cuts you off before you can complete your sentence and says, “I would be honored to be in your nest with you.”

He looks to you for guidance, needing to know exactly where you want him. He knows how important nests are to omegas, and the last thing he wants is to mess it up in any way. You instruct him where to lay down and he does so without pause. He holds his arms out and you quickly go to him.

It’s no surprise when you begin to purr. Wrapped in his arms, in your nest, surrounded by his scent, you think you may have entered heaven.

No one speaks for a while, and you start to think maybe Harry’s fallen asleep. That is until you hear him clear his throat. You look to him, knowing he wants to say something, and he takes a deep breath.

“I have a question for you. And I know it may be too soon, but it seems silly to delay when we obviously have a connection. We’re old enough now to know what we want. And what I want is you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, or at least not yet, but I couldn’t leave without asking. Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

“Harry, I would absolutely love to.”

He holds you closer in response pressing a kiss to your lips before pulling back and seeing the huge smile on your face.

“There’s just one more question,” he says. He seems even more nervous about this one, but you remain calm, even releasing some calming pheromones of your own.

You can tell he senses them as he relaxes and says, “Would you also do me the honor of being my omega?”

This question is even more unexpected than the last. He’s right in saying that it’s very early to ask, but at the same time, it’s not too early at all. Because there’s an undeniable connection between the two of you, not just as people, but as alpha and omega. It would be silly not to make it official.

Happy tears fill your eyes, and you nod yes in answer to his question. His eyes are similarly watery, and he leans down to press a kiss over your mating spot, a promise of what’s to come in the future, and you snuggle impossibly closer to him. To Harry. Your boyfriend. And your alpha.

You sleep soundly through the night, waking only when you realize Harry isn’t beside you. The spot is still warm, so he hasn’t been gone long. It’s early, a little before 7 a.m., and you hear Harry getting ready in the bathroom. He’ll be leaving soon. He mentioned a car would be picking him up to take him to the airport first thing in the morning.

Before you can get up he crouches down, running a hand over your hair. He’s ready to go, but he lays down next to you, soaking up every last second before he absolutely needs to leave. He scents you, does it so strongly that he’s practically scent marked the room, and you’re grateful for that. Since you’ll be stopping your medications today, having a space filled with his smell will help ease you through the transition.

Too quickly, his phone rings with a message that his ride is waiting outside.

He leans down to kiss you and say, “Everything is going to be alright. We’ll work it out, and I’m with you the whole way. Goodbye, my omega.”

You preen at the title and press another kiss to his lips before replying, “Thank you, alpha. Be safe.”

“I will, I promise,” he says. With one final press of his lips on your forehead, he drags himself out of the comfort of your nest and then out of your apartment.

It’s quiet without him, but you reflect on his parting words. You believe them wholeheartedly. It’s going to be difficult, but he’ll be there to help.

With the reassurance that you’re not alone, and Harry’s delicious scent filling the room, you slip back to sleep, feeling nervous but hopeful about what’s to come.  

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AN: Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you all liked it as well!

Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@theekyliepage@numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry@ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess@houseofdilfs@shaquille-0atmeal-1@kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye@n0vaj3an@snwells@drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305@creativelyeva@daphnesutton@selluequestrian@lovingfurypanda @stardream14 @tbsloneely@eversincehs1@boomitsallie1@rose-garden-dreamz @fictionalmensblog @buckybarnessimpp @ottawaoutlander @storyschanging @jerseygirlinca

[lostryu]

i need gay rights because literally not a single self-proclaimed cis/het 'ally' understands the alienating experience that comes with being the only gay person in the workplace.

i am a gnc butch lesbian. i use he/him pronouns. when i came out to my manager regarding my pronouns (i had been an open lesbian since the moment of my hire), she told me that she supported me, but she could not enforce or ask our clients to use the correct pronouns for me. she told me it was something i would have to learn to deal with. she never uses the correct pronouns for me unless a person from a different department (who also happens to be LGBT+) is present. she is our HR in addition to manager.

none of my coworkers in my department ever remember to use my pronouns. if i remind them, they go over the top with the "im sorry's" and the "im still learning" and "you know i try my hardest's!" and "i swear im not homophobic!", it has been over 6 months since i came out. if i say nothing, they continue to use she/her (unless that other lgbt+ person from the other department is present, then they miraculously get it right).

sometimes they call me 'girl'. they always flounder and correct to "man-boy-uh youknowwhatimeanright". they laugh it off. they never bother to ask what terms i am comfortable with, or if i even cared in the first place. they don't care about my gender, they never bother to ask. somehow the subject gets changed every time i try to tell them, or set a boundary.

once in a while in a slow shift, the conversation will hop to our dating lives. somehow, it always jumps to how men suck and how dating a woman must be so much easier. they wish they could be gay and not straight. every time, they'll stare at me expectantly, like i am an animal at the zoo. no matter what i say, positive or negative, i must be lying. i cannot be that happy in my relationship, or if i have any issues, they must be minor. if i say 'why don't you try dating a girl then' to their remarks, they'll laugh, say something like "there is no way i possibly could" with that special tone of disguised disgust.

i am a prop, at work. they tell me about how much they love their kids. how they could bring anyone home and they wouldn't care. "they could be black, brown, or purple," they'll say "it could be a woman or a man! I support gay rights!" Then they will talk about how hungry they are, and how they will be going to Chick Fil a for the 4th time this week. 'as a treat'. it is thursday. they talk about going to Hobby Lobby again for christmas decorations, or another sale. sometimes i think i can taste blood.

its june. they talk about the pride parade and how excited they are to see the queens and their 'funny costumes'. they talk about how fun it is to go and watch, how they like the free things the corporations hand out. they don't want to bring their younger kids though. they're not old enough. they do not know that the first pride was a riot. they do not know what happened during the AIDS crisis, how many died. they don't really care when i try to tell them, they'd rather focus on the fun parts of the parade. the spectacle.

i wear a pronoun pin, to make it easier. still somehow no one can get my pronouns right. a client notices it. commends me for "being brave" and "coming out." she never uses my correct pronouns. i stopped wearing the pin after the 11th person asked me if my name on my name tag was my real one, and after the 45th person went out of their way to use incorrect pronouns every sentence. my manager, the HR, did not care.

i need gay rights, but somehow everything got resolved when they allowed us to marry in 2015. to our allies, the work is done. somehow i am left more alone than when we started.

[igglemouse]

Unfortunately, my idiot 'sister' Dre has decided that she will be visiting me more often to help me adjust to life on this silly planet of yours. She thinks it's her duty to be as annoying as possible and wants to apparently teach me how to ear. Yes, eating. You beings still do this. On Sixam, we absorb the nutrients we need or just take capsules but as I understand it is an entire thing for your kind. Seems like a waste of time and resources to me but according to Dre I must do it to help blend in with silly little creatures.

So over a bowl of what you call apple salad, messy, sticky, slimy, apple salad, we talk. I tell her about my first day and about the human I've met, the one with the light hair? "She was cautious," I say, staring at this bowl of junk before me. "She didn't appreciate the whole tongue flicking thing," I point out, remembering the moment of uncomfort between us.

"Zer, did you go through any of the body language experience I sent you?" She asks, her wrigglers wriggling a little violently. Annoyance. She's looking at me as if I'm the stupid one. Do you see what I mean with her? Why I loathe her so?

"N-no..." I admit, feeling some of the heat from her eyes. "That first one you sent me was like five hours long. I didn't have time for that!" I say jabbing at a slice of apple and refusing to bring it closer to my mouth.

She groans as if she is dealing with a child. "That was the shortest one, Zer. These creatures speak through body language, small things, things you must learn if you expect to blend in. You can't just go flicking your tongue out, it reminds them of one of their creatures here, snakes, I believe they call them, and other various reptiles...reptiles? Scaly, egg laying-"

"Ugh!" she's explaining them to me because I also did not study about the other animals on this planet. "Maybe it is the snakes who should be in charge!"

"So, what did you do for your entire trip here?" Dre looks at me and she's clearly judging me. "Did you study anything?"

"I played the video games you sent me," I reply proudly. "As I understand it, they are the main delivery of knowledge for this species." I fold my arms, pride steaming through me, because it was clear to me that these 'games' are a vital part of your education system.

Dre's chuckling tells me I am wrong and that I perhaps have made another mistake. "I sent you those for your own amusement, Zer. There is nothing to be learned from those things. They're just there to waste time."

"Ugh! You are trying to sabotage me, aren't you Dre?" DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN WITH THIS ONE?! "You've always been jealous of my status in our birth group! Always been envious of my-"

"We have the same status-"

"And yet you are beneath me," I remind her, gaining the upper hand. She needs this, she needs constant reminders of her place among her siblings. I am the one destined for greatness, I am the one who has been gifted this world to mold and do with on my own.

"Any ways," she sighs as dramatically as possible. Do you understand now why I loathe this woman? She does this a lot, by the way, and it's always unwarranted. "This woman, Tammy? I doubt she is S.I.B."

"Oh, and please tell me why you think this, oh great Dre."

"Ah, you'd know...something is off about those types. They are human and yet..." her wrigglers twitch, fear? "It's hard to explain. There's a lot going on here on this planet and half of it I can't explain."

Dre's certainty that Tammy isn't S.I.B does little to make my day better because she seems pretty creeped out about the whole thing. As for Tammy, I was very nice to her, right? I decide not to dwell on it, I'm sure I'll meet her again and will win her over.

I spend the rest of my morning recycling because, frankly, someone on this planet has to. I think I've mentioned that there is plastic everywhere on this planet, everywhere. I get it, it's a versatile little resource and you can use it to make almost anything and everything but that doesn't mean you should. The sheer carelessness of your species confounds me but at least you'll have me to clean up your messes.

I remind myself that I'll need to keep up with your news if I'm going to take over this planet but I admit, your so called 'leaders' are absolutely insane. Democracy, a scam system ran by inferior beings such as yourselves, is a failure. How does anything et done with everyone going in ten different directions? Inefficient, chaotic, and just simply stupid. We Sixams have it right, one world, one leader. Simple, effective, orderly.

The rest of my day goes as you might expect, nothing remarkable, just a steady routine of doing, well, nothing. That is until my idiot assistant shows up. Again. She seems determined to haunt me and the mere sight of her around my garbage little home would get my wrigglers wriggling if only they were out to wriggle.

She thinks she's here to help, I'm sure, but all she does is point out the mistakes she thinks I'm making or smirking in my face as if she knows all the answers. One day, when this planet is mines, she'll understand her place. For now, I'll do my best to deal with her.

This time she's here to educate me on how you beings court one another. Apparently, she thinks this is information I need to know, I disagree. "So, you're telling me they do this physically?" This sounds messy.

"Yes, Zer," she looks exasperated again as if she's losing patience with me. "So you really have learned nothing on your way here?"

"Why should I?" I shoot back. "They are clearly a primitive life form."

"That may be but you have to know that things are different here. Like I've mentioned, they procreate physically still and quite enjoy it, it is pleasurable for them, it drives a lot of their social interaction-"

"Uh huh," I wave my hand dismissively, the less I know about this the better I think.

"You, Zer are quite attractive. So the men here might hit on you-"

"Hmmm, to what purpose?" I ask the question I should not have asked.

She sighs and then transmits me a message of what you beings do when you want to procreate. I am quite frankly disgusted. The male puts his what in your what and then?!?! No thanks! On Sixam, the male covers your eggs in his sperm, completely in private, and then you swallow them, like pills, although this is only the terrestrial option. Either way my head is shaking at the thought of what you humans do.

"That will absolutely not be happening when it comes to me and I am insulted that you'd show me such a thing! ESPECIALLY mentally!"

I do not waste much time kicking her out of the house, my house, shoving her through the door as if doing so would banish the mental images she's cursed me with. On Sixam, we are past such things!

"I am sorry Zer but I figure you need to know!" She insists, stumbling out of the house, trying to get back in my good graces of course. "The males here on this planet can be quite aggressive when wanting to-"

"Yes yes Dre, please do not bring this up again," I cut her off, the images of your kind pressed up together doing who knows what stuck in my mind. "Put on your disguise too you silly little thing!"

I spend the rest of the day doing nothing but taking in the world around me, my world. It is a strange and chaotic planet but I must admit, there is beauty here. It is hidden beneath layers of smog, but beauty nonetheless. The colors, the landscapes, the resilient of life on this planet is inspiring in a primitive way. I'll do what I can to save this dying world but I am no hero, of course, because I intend to polish it and present it as a rare gem before the great Sixam empire. After all, what's the point of conquering a planet if its not worth ruling?

Zer Avoi ~ Episode 1.3

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

sorry before I go to bed I’m thinking bout the different ways Evangelion portrays csa.

asuka's (metaphorical) rape is done by a stranger. someone she doesn’t know. a literal monster. as someone who’s always prided herself on being able to fight, being able to always win, this shatters asuka, who feels such a thing makes her weak. she responds to her trauma by regressing, playing video games at her friends house and speaking to her like a young child, before shutting down entirely to the point of attempted suicide. she’s later sexually abused by shinji, taking his own trauma out on her, and while we don’t see as much of how that effects her, we see the tragedy of the cycles of abuse play out.

shinji's sexual abuse is done by a friend. he doesn’t realise it’s wrong, and misato thinks she’s helping, because he’s a boy and boys like that right? but misato not realising the harm of her actions do not make her any less harmful. there’s a lot of complicated feelings and emotions there, and it very much deals heavily with the complexities of abuse- not all abusers realise what they’re doing. not all abusers even have sexual intent (misato absolutely doesn’t see shinji in a romantic light at all, she's not attracted to him). not all victims hate their abusers, and not all victims fully realise how inappropriate their abusers actions are. yet, the abuse still has impacts- as seen with shinji's complete lack of sexual boundaries, to the point of assaulting asuka for a desperate sense of control. he recognises that it’s awful- it’s something familiar to him to a degree- but as a severely traumatised child, he lashes out and inflicts his own pain on others. which is not acceptable, obviously, but it’s tragic, and shows how abuse makes people worse.

and as for rei, she's abused by her own father. the signs are there, but they don't entirely click at first, and neither do they click to the adults who should be looking out for her. the sexual abuse she faces is overlooked even when it’s right under everyone’s noses. and when someone does put the dots together, they blame her for it. rei's abuse, like a lot of familial abuse, is either ignored or something she’s considered at fault for, despite being sheltered and groomed all her life, and, y’know, fourteen. rei's arc also focuses heavily on her conflicted feelings about her abuser, but in a different way to shinji. she, at first, idolises gendo. she's been groomed her whole life, and is incredibly isolated. what happens is normal to her, she doesn’t see it as wrong because she’s never been told it’s wrong. the idea of not having faith in gendo is alien to her. but as time goes on, she realises what happens isn’t special, it isn’t okay. by the time she dies and another version of her takes her place (the rei's share a soul, so they’re the same person even if rei iii can’t remember everything) she’s quietly furious at the idea of being a doll, and realises she can be more. when her abuser touches her, she literally tears off his hand. and she attains agency! that’s the final part of her storyline. she has agency, for the first time in her life. and she might have chose to listen to shinji on what to do, but she chose for the first time, it’s a massive step and honestly it really struck me as a beautiful ending to her character arc.

idk man. i just like how this mecha anime interrogates a sensitive subject from multiple angles and has genuinely suprisingly good depictions of even abuse that’s not recognised as abuse by most still. it’s nice! it’s refreshing. honestly, they committed to exploring abuse and never trying to apologise for it, and it’s fucking great. i'm personally not a csa victim, but i did go through sexual trauma at around the same ages of these characters, and i found myself relating a lot to their arcs around this due to that even if our experiences are pretty different. i felt aspects of how i dealt with things, especially in rei and shinji but to a degree asuka as well, and it made me feel more confident in myself. if shinji ikari can choose to live, so can I :)

[catty-words]

the way devi engages with her heritage is an important part of the text because anything that helps make up devi's identity - or crisis of the same - enhances the bildungsroman nature of the story. it's also hugely important for the way it establishes the tension in devi and nalini's relationship.

from the very first scene, mother and daughter are at odds over the value of being indian. devi is praying to their gods, sure, but she's asking for a more classic american teen high school experience. she wants to go to parties and have boyfriends but less body hair. she eats meat with abandon.

(sidebar, but i've always found this quiet, subtle bit of storytelling fascinating -

nalini and mohan are clearly at odds, too, about how heritage should fit into devi's upbringing. mohan feels a certain amount of pride/amusement/affection over devi being all-american, yet nalini disapproves and is even disgusted that this bit of ingrained respect for animals is being violated by her family.)

devi's textbook, then, is imbued with narrative significance where this through line is concerned by the following exchange:

nalini: devi, are you still praying? our gods have other stuff to do, you know?

devi: i was about to ask for good grades.

nalini: now, grab your textbooks. we need to go.

nalini: devi, that textbook has been blessed. if it touches the ground, i have to take it back to the priest. i don't have time to go to rancho cucamonga today!

it wouldn't be apparent to first-time viewers, necessarily, but there's a frustration at the lack of responsibility here that becomes indicative of their season one dynamic, right? nalini wants devi to take praying seriously, she wants her to take the blessed textbook seriously, and she doesn't have the capacity to patiently guide devi toward valuing that seriousness. she herself is grieving and working a demanding job that supports her family and expending more time than she really has to assert the importance of their culture's rituals on devi's life has put a strain on their relationship.

of course, on devi's side of things, she feels this pressure from her mom and the pressure to be accepted by her peers as diametrically opposed forces in her life. being indian only ever alienates devi from american normality, which is why kamala straddling both worlds with what devi perceives as effortlessness gets under her skin so easily.

the show further weaves these threads together - nalini's desire for devi to have a closeness with and respect for her culture and devi's tetchiness over letting her mom down being at odds with her need to be seen as normal - using the textbook in the following dialogue.

devi: how long is kamala gonna stay with us?

nalini: as long as it takes for her to finish her studies. why?

devi: she's just so... [with embarrassment and mild disgust] indian.

devi: like, the other day, she said she was gonna open the tv instead of turn on the tv.

nalini: devi, she is family. she's bettering her life, you could actually learn a little bit from her.

the way devi handles the blessed textbook symbolizes a disconnect with their culture for nalini, and nalini's focus on how it nearly touched the ground even though it didn't symbolizes an impossible standard she'll never be able to meet for devi.

it's obviously significant, then, that at the emotional climax of the episode, devi flings the textbook out of her window.

she's been made to feel fragile by her closest friends who, let's be real, devi was taking comfort in being cooler/more normal than up until the moment she finds out about eleanor's boyfriend. stressed about the way this sets back her misguided plan to paint over her grief with a shiny coat of popularity, devi lashes out at the symbol of these conflicting pressures on her life. she's never more at a loss about her own identity than when she smashes the window with the blessed textbook and lets it hit the ground.

but you know what? that complete lack of control motivates devi to seek out an actually healthy outlet for her emotions, i.e. a talk with her therapist. devi starts rebuilding herself immediately, and that tenacity and strength of spirit is something nalini will acknowledge as a pillar of her daughter's identity when standing up to rhyah two seasons from now.

[hazbin-a-helluvamagines]

Bee, Ozzie (+ Fizz, if you wanna) and Loona with a shy, human male S/O who has metahuman abilities, specifically time manipulation (controlling the flow of time, such as speeding it up, slowing it down, moving it forward, moving it back, etc) and time alteration (changing the time around an object, either inanimate or living, and making that object into a different thing entirely, with living things still retaining their sentience, but are unable to move)

Sorry if this is long and/or hyper specific.

Ozzie + Fizz, Bee, and Loona with a Shy, Human Male S/O with metahuman abilities

Both Asmodeus and Fizzarolli think you're extremely cool! They're both really sweet to you, though. The last thing they need is for you to have a panic attack on them!

"Fuck, you can mess with time?! That shit's pretty scary~!" Fizzarolli would tease playfully in a sing-song voice.

"Can you show us how it works, baby?" Ozzie would ask you. Of course, he'll understand if you say no or refuse. He's just happy to give you the opportunity to talk about yourself.

Since you're shy, they'll be the first to open up all sorts of doors for you to interject your opinion into things, too. Plus, with you being human, Ozzie in particular would be incredibly protective of you.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?! I'll destroy any motherfucker who tries to hurt my boyfriend!" Ozzie would shout after someone had been harassing you. And Fizzarolli would quickly join in.

"Yeah, our boyfriend is wayyyyy too good for a piece of shit like you," he'd say in that smug tone he always used on people he didn't like and wanted to taunt.

Honestly, they'd both want to kind of see you snap. You've earned it dealing with all the bullshit in Hell. Change that Karen into a pot or something, and let her be in agony stuck that way for the rest of her life in Hell. Or age her so much that her husband won't ever want her again (as if he even does now- 🤭)

A wholesome pair, certainly, but with their darker, more mischievous sides!!

They'll probably bring you to Ozzie's with them so they can better keep an eye on you. After all, they don't want to watch anyone try to hurt you without being able to stop it.

No, Ozzie learned his lesson after OOPS with Fizz-

Oh boy. You're in for a treat with our lovely Queen Bee.

See, it isn't necessarily that she's mean about you being shy, it's just that she doesn't quite understand it. After all, she's a total party animal, she can't understand people who don't enjoy getting scrappy and having fun!

She'd be the type to first offer you drugs to help you loosen up, insisting she can get you anything that your heart desires.

"C'mon, babe! Alcohol? Sugar? Fentanyl? Ketamine? Oxy? Chardonnay? Come on, anything you want, just lemme know! We gotta be ready to tear this shit up together!"

She's only being playful, of course. She's trying her hardest to understand, she really is. Once she understands it more of an aspect of your personality, rather than a problem she needs to fix, she's a lot more chill.

"Hey, hun, I know you're not really a fan of socializing at my parties. Wanna go to a private section of the place and just chill with me?"

She's also so sweet, she'll offer you any accommodations you may need! Comfort foods? No problem! Cuddles? You got it! Her attention? You don't even need to ask!

She's a lot less focused on your abilities than some of the others. But still finds them really cool, although more for just messing around!

"So are you telling me you could totally turn that plant over there back into a seed?! Yeah! Do it! C'mon, show me, babe!"

Probably finds it really hot how powerful you are, actually.

The Gluttony Ring is a lot more chill, so she's a lot more comfortable leaving you by yourself as a human there than in, say, the Lust or Pride Rings. Most everybody in Gluttony is sweet.

After all, nobody would really want to get on her bad side, anyway.

And yet, if you approached her with any sort of issues... i.e., someone tried spiking your drink, someone spilled a drink on you, you're being made fun of, etc., out comes the monstrous Bee form. It's their own fault!

"Which of you fucking bitches tried some shit on S/O?! I'll fuck you up so hard that not even all the ketamine in the world will numb your stupid ass!"

It's honestly amazing how protective someone normally so chill can be when their S/O is human.

You're shy, male, have powers, and above all, are human?! Oh no, no, no. Don't ever let her dad find out, he will be at your house the same day-

Aside from that, she pretends not to care much about your abilities. After all, she's more interested in you, not what you can do. And she finds your abilities impressive, and something she'll secretly record so she can remember how cool it was, but she'll avoid bringing it up. She never knows if it's a sore spot for you, after all.

Since you're shy, she'll take it on herself to tease an embarrass you in public, but only playfully and as much as you're comfortable with. All you have to do is say the word and she'll stop and never do it again. Kisses to the cheek, pulling you to sit on her lap (or vice versa), sickeningly sweet couple photos, you name it, she's already on it, most likely.

Of course, only she's allowed to do it. Anyone else who tries is already basically a goner, because they're going to be unrecognizable by the time Loona is done mauling them- Who's to say Hellhounds aren't loyal and devoted?

With that said, if someone ever messed with you,

She's pretty chill with you, though, just acting very normal and a little more sweet. Not quite as abrasive as she is toward Blitzø, for example.

"Hey, S/O. There's this thing coming up in the Greed Ring next week. Wanna go? You don't have to, it's just an idea."

Since you're human, and she both lives and works in the Pride Ring, which is full of sinners, don't expect to EVER be left alone.

She can't risk one of those awful creatures getting their hands on you and hurting you! No, she'll be at your side 24/7, insisting you call her just to be able to leave your house for the day. It may seem overprotective, something that apparently runs in the family, but she just doesn't want to see you get hurt.

"C'mon, S/O. I promise it's not personal. But Pride is full of shitty people with shitty personalities and shitty crimes that got them sent to this shitty place. 'Kay?"

She does care, even if she doesn't always show it all the time. <3

[harlothane]

"At Robb's side. Where he belonged." - About Theon and Grey Wind.

Or : RobbTheon thoughts that make me lose sleep #1 (there will be more)

In Dance, an extended metaphor ties Theon to dogs – specifically, Ramsay’s female dogs. It has been discussed some in many posts since the book's publication (we're all very old).

“A dog who turns against his master is fit for naught but skinning.” It’s stated plainly. To the Northern Lords, to all the nobility, to all the people who know of his fate, Theon is reduced to being one of Ramsay’s dogs. He is collared and chained in the kennels with the dogs Ramsay named after his female victims. Theon even comes to think that of himself: “lower than a dog”.

“Reek,” he said. “Your Reek.” “Do this little thing for me, and you can be my dog and eat meat every day,” Lord Ramsay promised. “You will be tempted and betray me. To run or fight or join our foes. No, quiet, I’ll not hear you deny it. Lie to me, and I’ll take your tongue. A man would turn against me (…) but we know what you are, don’t we?”

It is the paroxysm of the humiliation he suffers from the moment he has been taken from his home (although his brothers’ treatment of him could indicate he had been humiliated even before that) to his capture and subsequent torture and sexual abuse by Ramsay (for details read this as I wouldn’t have the courage and talent to write it – it’s remarkable). As Theon uses the Reek persona to avoid Ramsay’s wrath, as he becomes – by force – complicit in Ramsay’s crimes and subservient to the point of losing his sense of self, it makes sense to compare him to a dog who has been taught by his master not to bite and to serve him.

Yet, we know for a fact that it doesn’t last. We know that ultimately, by virtue of being in Winterfell, Theon finds himself again piece by piece, enough to save an innocent girl with no hope of survival. He was never truly Ramsay’s dog. That said, the comparison struck me as being reminiscent of Theon’s thematic tie to another wild animal: Grey Wind.

Dogs and Direwolves share common features, of course. And there can be a confusion between the two. Guess what, Robb himself, the Wolf King, is compared to a dog in Dance, to demean him.

“The Young Wolf? He was a vile dog and died like one.” (…) “A dog, aye. He brought us only grief and death. A vile dog indeed. Say on.”

Theon even draws the comparison himself between Grey Wind and Asha’s Black Wind – linking in his mind Stark and Greyjoy. Yes. It makes sense somewhat, since Theon is on his way to persuade his father to ally himself with the King in the North. He has his reasons to look for a link between Stark and Greyjoy.

“Theon did not need to be told that Black Wind was Asha’s longship (…) Odd that she would call it that, when Robb Stark had a wolf named Grey Wind. “Stark is grey and Greyjoy’s black,” he murmured, smiling, “but it seems we’re both windy.”

Strange as it may be, Theon shares common attitudes with Grey Wind during the beginning of the war (in Game, essentially).

One thing that always stood out to me is how demonstrative Theon is in his devotion to Robb’s cause (Theon Greyjoy put a hand on the hilt of his blade and said, “My lady, if it comes to that, my House owes yours a great debt.” -> What the hell? You’re a hostage?)

We know after reading Theon’s POV that it was indeed genuine, as it stemmed from a true desire to be part of House Stark. More than that, Theon, who needs to belong and feel useful more than anything else, took pride in fighting for Robb, to be at his side. Bran is jealous of both, because they get to fight at Robb’s side and be close to him (“I’d sooner be a wolf (…) I’d fight beside him like Grey Wind” // “Robb the Lord seemed to have more time for Hallis Mollen and Theon Greyjoy …”).

As he talks about his role in Robb’s war to his Ironborn family, he only ever mentions his friend, his ideals, their plan for the independence of the North and the Islands. Theon never fought for the Northern cause (why would he?), he fought for Robb, and proudly so. And he was adamant to demonstrate it in an aggressive way, almost like Grey Wind growling.

“Kneel before the king, Lannister! Theon Greyjoy shouted.”

“The wolves do not like your smell, Lannister,” Theon Greyjoy commented.”

“Kill him, Robb,” Theon Greyjoy urged. “Take his head off.”

“Lord Frey would be a fool to try and bar our way, Theon Greyjoy said with his customary easy confidence. ‘We have five times his numbers. You can take the Twins if you need to, Robb.”

Not to forget his eagerness to please, his way to show his devotion: “Ser Brynden has seen to it already, my lady,’ Theon replied with a cocky smile. ‘A few more blackbirds, and we should have enough to bake a pied. I’ll save you their feathers for a hat.” (Like a cat offering you dead birds as a gift…).

Also, Theon shared a true friendship and complicity with Robb. After Eddard is murdered in King’s Landing, Catelyn searches for Robb and finds he had been with Theon, probably to find comfort and support. He is, aside from Catelyn, his most trusted confidante.

“Robb glanced from her to Greyjoy, searching for an answer and finding none.”

We know Theon spoke of his uncle Euron with Robb, which doesn’t strike me as something he would confide to anyone else (Theon doesn’t seem to speak much of himself, all things considered, as he tries to keep a cool and detached façade). They also had “secrets” and laughed together (most notably at Roose Bolton’s expanse – karma is a bitch).

Robb sends Theon to treat with Balon Greyjoy’s against his beloved mother’s advice because he trusts him (and, in my humble opinion, wanted to show Theon he trusted him, that he was more than a hostage): “Theon’s fought bravely for us. I told you how he saved Bran from those wildlings in the wolfswood (…) he’s been a hostage half his life.’”

There is a childishness to them both. They are prone to boyish mockery. Robb acts the same, at the start of the war, with his direwolf. He seems amused to see Grey Wind scare people at first. That’s before Theon’s betrayal (I’ll get to this). And this behavior is that of Robb the boy, the 16-year-old boy, not Robb the King, who will be at odds with his direwolf and his best friend soon enough. He is most himself with Grey Wind, with Theon.

“You did well,” she told her son in the gallery that led from the rear of the hall, “though that business with the wolf was japery more befitting a boy than a king.”

Robb scratched Grey Wind behind the ear. “Did you see the look on his face, Mother?” he asked, smiling.”

“What I saw was Lord Karstark, walking out.”

“As did I.” Robb lifted off his crown with both hands and gave it to Olyvar. “Take this thing back to my bedchamber.”

Theon is tied to Robb as a person, as is his direwolf.

Before he has his own POV chapters, Theon’s appearances, like Grey Wind’s, are exclusively tied to Robb’s. In Game, they both barely exist outside of Robb’s sight which does not diminish their strong, memorable, somewhat troubling presence.

“They passed beneath the gatehouse, over the drawbridge (…) Summer and Grey Wind came loping beside them, sniffing at the wind. Close behind came Theon Greyjoy, with his longbow and a quiver of broadheads; he had a mind to take a deer, he had told them.”

“’(…) I would speak with my son alone. I know you will all forgive me, my lords.’ She gave them no choice (…) the bannermen bowed and took their leave. ‘And you, Theon’, she added when Greyjoy lingered. He smiled and left them.”

“Robb sat in the bow with Grey Wind, his hand resting on his direwolf’s head as the rowers pulled at their oars. Theon Greyjoy was with him.”

Grey Wind served in Robb’s war. He killed and would have died for him. Just as Theon did and felt such pride about, as we’ve seen. They are both considered outsiders, in a way: Grey Wind doesn’t belong a civilized world, he is regarded as a monster, a savage beast.

Theon is described in similar terms by the people of the North, as he is Ironborn. He must be “gentled”, a term you’d use for a wild animal (“Your father did what he did to gentle Theon, but I fear it was too little too late.”). His own father treats him as he were a tamed, obedient, animal (“The Stark have made your theirs”). Theon is prone to violence as a recourse (“A dead enemy is a thing of beauty”), has a wild, impulsive streak. Catelyn qualifies him as “impetuous” in her POV.

In Game, he is second after the direwolves to rescue Bran (and Robb himself!) from the wildings who threatens his life. As a terrified and emotional Robb fails to show him gratitude for his intervention (I wrote an entire piece about this scene if you’re interested), Theon feels as humiliated as his loyalty is not recognized by someone exterior could believe is his “master”. We know better, we know Robb and Theon were friends. That said, from an external point of view, Theon might have looked like a prisoner eager to please his jailer. Tyrion Lannister in the show-verse put it like this: “Your loyalty to your captors is touching.”  (And I insist, during their conversation, Theon says: “Robb is not my master.” It’s true! Yet, in the end, if everyone around him believed so, he may have started to doubt the sincerity of their bond, hence the desire to make a destiny for himself, far from Robb.)

At times, he seems as impulsive and ravenous as Grey Wind: “” Blood for blood”. For one, Greyjoy did not smile. His lean, dark face had a hungry look to it.”

“Theon Greyjoy sauntered closer. ‘Give her to the wolves’, he urged Robb.”

He can be ruthless – even cruel (I’m thinking of Beth Cassel) - in his pursuit of recognition from his “masters” (in this case, for his desperate quest for his father’s approval): “Once he had saved Bran’s life with an arrow. He hoped he would not need to take it with another, but if it came to that, he would.”)

In the same vein, Grey Wind is a formidable beast, and loyal, yet he is feared by all and loved only by Robb.

“Yet it was not the sword that made Ser Cleos Frey anxious; it was the beast.”

Contrast and compare with all those instances Theon made Catelyn or Bran uneasy with his rehearsed smile in Game; to his arc in Clash where Theon uses terror as a mean to an end, wanting love and respect and only inspiring contempt or fear (see: his last ACOK chapter, plenty of instances); to the unease he triggers as he has been turned to Ramsay’s thing in Dance.

Both belonged at Robb’s side. Theon realizes in Dance that he never should have left Robb’s side, as it was the closest to a home and true purpose he ever had in his life. As for Grey Wind, he is so important to Robb, such a part of his identity, that separating the two results in Robb’s demise. The Freys must cage Grey Wind to kill Robb.

Just as, indirectly, freeing Theon and creating a physical (and emotional) separation between them led to Robb’s death just as Grey Wind’s absence did.

“(…) And Grey Wind was at the king’s side once more. Where he belongs.”

“The wolf. The wolf is not here. Where is Grey Wind? She knew the direwolf had returned with Robb (…) he was not in the hall, not at her son’s side where he belonged.”

“Where was I? I should have been with him. I should have died with him.” The way it’s expressed reads as if Theon’s fate had been broken. As if the natural path would have been for Theon to be with Robb. If you want to see it, there is a mystical element to these bonds. Breaking them condemns Robb. Grey Wind, as all the direwolves, has magic (is magic?). Whereas Theon’s arc ties him the Gods – he has prophetic dreams, hears Bran through the Weirwood Tree in Dance, says with confidence “The gods are not done with me” and his very name derives from the Greek word for “Gods”.

After Theon’s departure and subsequent betrayal of Robb’s trust, Grey Wind is depicted as more agitated, unwilling to obey Robb’s orders. It can be explained by Robb’s torment (he becomes “somber”, depressed even, which is the trigger that leads him to Jeyne) and his growing distrust of his direwolf, who failed to warn him of Theon’s betrayal. And for a reason: Theon did not plan his change of heart; he was sincere in his devotion. Grey Wind must have sensed this, thus never expressed distrust towards Theon. The direwolves aren’t pets. They’re part of the Stark children. Robb is admonishing himself for having trusted Theon so deeply he failed to see his flaws (ambition, inconstancy, a deep-seated need to belong). It’s himself he starts to distrust.

The topic of Theon’s betrayal (which is best embodied by his supposed murder of Bran and Rickon) triggers Robb’s guilt and anger. Grey Wind becomes particularly aggressive.

“Jon would never harm a son of mine.” “No more than Theon Greyjoy would harm Bran or Rickon?”Grey Wind leapt up atop King Tristifer’s crypt, his teeth bared. Robb’s own face was cold.

As Robb becomes more irritated and has to control his temper, even with Jeyne. Here:

(I cannot help but notice the analogy between Grey Wind an “an arrow loosed from a longbow” here. Probably a coincidence – still!)

His relationship with his direwolf is strained just as his relationship with his closest friend and advisor. Robb seems suddenly ill at ease with Grey Wind’s savagery although it has served him many times in battle. He did not seem to mind before. Just as he tolerated – even appreciated maybe – Theon’s somber side.

“As they started up the steps, Catelyn asked (…) ‘Robb, here is Grey Wind?’

“In the yard, with a haunch of mutton. I told the kennelmaster to see that he was fed.” (// I’m sorry but I can’t help but be reminded of Ramsay chaining Theon in the kennels and promising him food as a reward for his good behavior – as a twisted parallel).

“You always kept him with you before.”

“A hall is no place for a wolf. He gets restless, you’ve seen. Growling and snapping. I should never have taken him into battle with me (…) Jeyne’s anxious around him and he terrifies her mother.”

And there’s the heart of it, Catelyn thought. “He is part of you, Robb. To fear him is to fear you.”

“I am not a wolf, no matter what they call me.” Robb sounded cross. “Grey Wind killed a man at the Crag (…) If you had seen –“

Theon, in Clash, is haunted by the direwolves. He has dreams where Robb and the wolves come for him. He also demonstrates his intimate understanding of the direwolves, acquired at Robb’s and Grey Wind’s side as he realizes Bran and Rickon have escaped from Winterfell. Their direwolves kill some Ironborn guards in the process: Theon immediately understands how. He even mimics it, in a way:

“Urzen said : ‘If he had sounded his horn –“ I am served by fools. ‘Try and imagine it was you up there (…) it’s dark and cold. You have been walking sentry for hours (…) Then you hear a noise and move toward the gate, and suddenly you see eyes at the top of the sair, glowing green and gold in the torchlight. Two shadows come rushing toward you faster than you can believe. You catch a glimpse of teeth, start to level your spear, and they slam into you and open your belly (…) And now you’re down on your back, your guts are spilling out (…) Theon grabbed the scrawny man’s throat, tightened his fingers, and smiled. ‘Tell me, at what moment during all of this do you stop to blow your fucking horn?’ He shoved Urzen away roughly, sending him stumbling back against a merlon.”

(Underrated piece of ACOK!Theon in his glorious unstable self if you ask me.)

Theon and Grey Wind are both ultimately rejected by Robb, who feels he has no choice (not that it wasn’t deserved in Theon’s case, mind you). Yet, by doing so, Robb abandons a part of him. The most emotional part. Robb is deeply sensitive (it shows in many instances, as with his mother in Game: “Mother I need you too. I’m trying but I can’t do it all by myself’ His voice broke with sudden emotion” or “He looked at her, his eyes shining, the proud young lord melted away in an instant (…)”) and could act like it with his most trusted companions.

Theon has a special bond with Robb. His betrayal is personal, and it is seen that way by the Robb’s bannermen. How fitting is Benfred Tallheart’s threat, in this regard:

“Theon wiped the spittle off his cheek with the back of his hand. “Robb will gut you, Greyjoy (…) He’ll feed your turncloak’s heart to his wolf (…)”

Of course, it has to be Grey Wind. And it has to be his heart.

[perfectlyoongi]

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who creates a flag for your house. that house was your kingdom. cared for by the two of you, that house was an extension of the two of you, a little of you two getting lost in every nook and cranny. so, as if to show the pride Hoseok had in your home, he spent an eternity creating the perfect flag. the colors had to have some meaning, obviously, and the animal he would choose had to be important. when Hoseok walked into your room late on a tuesday with a folded cloth, you never thought about what awaited you. as soon as you unfolded the fabric offered by Hoseok, you could only laugh: between strong blues and warm yellows was an excessively large squirrel that held a small bouquet of roses in its paws. and when you looked at Hoseok you could see the pride he felt for the flag, for your home. “blue represents the infinite sky and all the possibilities that await us. yellow is the flame of our friendship that shines as bright as the sun. the squirrel is because i just like squirrels. and roses represent our love for each other. did you like it?"

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who likes to take you out to eat from time to time. it was a treat. a small gesture from Hoseok that always warmed your heart. without any warning or excuse, Hoseok would simply invite you to a restaurant or stall to forget about everything else for a few minutes. nights became ethereal when in the company of good food and good company; for eternal minutes, Hoseok made a point of reminding you over and over that he was much more than a roommate — Hoseok was your friend. and he would forever be by your side whether you need it or not. “come on, stop doing things. you can finish your work tomorrow. now you’re going to come with me to eat outside. you need to clear your head. the night is beautiful, let’s go. you won’t regret it, i promise you.”

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who buys flowers for your kitchen counter. when spring arrived and the days started to get more colorful, there were several times when you would wake up and find a small bouquet of flowers on the corner of your counter. always varying in species and colors, Hoseok often surprised you with the arrival of a delicate and charming treat that livened up your home and warmed your heart. “tulips remind me of you, i don’t know why. but i had to buy the pink and yellow ones. they look good here in the kitchen.”

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who knows the month of your birthday but never the day. for some reason, Hoseok couldn’t memorize the day you were born, only the month. he tried. he set reminders and alarms, wrote in notebooks and on walls, but for some reason, he could never remember your day. so, the most logical thing was to spend the entire month celebrating your existence — it was the only solution, there was nothing else to do. “i hope you know that i will spend the entire month congratulating you. i’ll get it right someday, so i just have to shower you with love. oh what a cruel fate of yours.”

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who has had a broken bed for months but prefers to sleep on the floor of your room rather than fix his bed. in one of your pillow fights, your enthusiasm exceeded a little when it broke Hoseok’s bed; him jumping on the bed running away from you and you shaking the bed to make him fall were the perfect recipe for misfortune in that bed. the structure broke and there was no way Hoseok would be able to sleep there, or in his room. as such, Hoseok dragged his mattress to the floor of your room, where he had been sleeping for almost two months. apparently your bedtime talks were more important than the structure of Hoseok’s bed. “i’ll buy a new bed tomorrow. now let’s go to sleep, okay? we are both too tired, come on. just relax.”

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who always takes you to the station when you go to visit your family. he insisted on taking your bag, obviously, and you couldn’t say no to that big, beautiful smile; so every time you went back home, Hoseok was always ready to accompany you to the station with your bags, saying goodbye to you with a tight hug and a small kiss on the forehead before saying “i hope you have a good trip. when you come back i’ll take you to that restaurant you like. be safe, angel.”

ROOMMATE!HOSEOK who confesses to you the day he tripped on the stairs and you took care of him. Hoseok was in a hurry to get out of the house, so much so that his feet got in the way of the building'’s stairs and made him fall to the ground suddenly — and, in such a hurry that he wanted to leave, he ended up staying at home. when you heard all the noise on the stairs, you were quick to help Hoseok, helping him back to your apartment and starting to treat the small wounds that appeared on his legs. and it was in that intimate moment, when Hoseok was most vulnerable, that he let his heart speak for itself — he didn’t even notice, he just declared himself. “you always took good care of me. i think i can only really be me with you. you make me so vulnerable. i think… i think i like you. i really like you.”

[angelshizuka]

Oooh okay okay, permission to be a little petty? This has been eating me up for a minute! On the topic of the helluva/hazbin redesigns: there are a lot of times in the critical side of this fandom where I’ll see people talking about what they would “fix” about the character designs, and like you said- some of the specifics people think they need to fix just…undermine the point of the character?? (I.e making Stolas big and burly) But it also feels like they’re ignoring that these characters look the way they do because they have to be ANIMATED. There’s been a handful of times I’ve seen people with that “fix it” attitude where they just waaaaay over complicate textures and shapes then say it’s so much better. For example some were saying Blitz’s design was bad because you can’t tell his burn scars were burn scars because the edges were too round. So they completely rendered the scars in their redesign and said they fixed it. I absolutely understand wanting to make detailed artwork. I LOVE detailing the hell out of a character in a drawing!! But to animate?? Especially with helluva where the spindle horse team doesn’t often outsource its animation?? I KNOW it’s silly but sometimes in passing I want to be like- ok. YOU animate your incredibly complicated redesign for a 20 minute animation at 24 frames per second. Then you get to handle the budget you’d need to get it finished and add in lighting/effects/etc. Then you ALSO get to handle the complaints from people who say episodes take too long to come out. Animation is a HUUUGE process! I feel like the work it takes to make it look so good is really taken for granted :,)

(I should be in bed so I hope any of this makes sense lmao I’m so sorry in advance!! Love your account your takes are so well thought out and you’re very funny <3)

Yes, thank you for your excellent point, I totally agree!

I mean, I will always defend CGI animation (I'm a firm believer all animation mediums are beautiful and valid), but I feel like it's spoiled people in how detailed a character's design can be. While part of the charm of 2D animation is how simplified lines can still get so much across.

It's been more than a decade since I studied animation and we only really did puppet animation, but even with that I quickly realized my designs could never be as detailed as when I just made a stand alone drawing (also, rip to my old animations that are lost to time, because my hard drive died a few years back...)

I'd honestly argue that for 2D animation standards the designs are really detailed. Maybe not for every character, but that's part of the beauty of it. Just like how in real life not all people dress all fancy and complicated, some people prefer simpler outfits, and they know how to make that come across in the character designs.

Especially Blitz is a prime example of being tailor made for 2D animation, that's also part of why some of the best facial expressions come from him, they know how to play around with his face shape. Regarding the scars, it's not just a 2D thing, it's the fact that imps scar differently than humans. So, again haters claiming they "fixed it" by completely ignoring lore.

(Aw, thank you! I try my best to put my thoughts into words and it helps make sense of whatever the hell is going on up there. I take a lot of pride in it, because my mother complimenting me on "knowing how to word things" was one of our last conversations before she passed.)

[alcida-auka]

The Bad Batch theory "Into the Breach"

Nala Se told Emerie Karr in her cell that she has tried to help the children, but clearly she can't. She's not trusted by Dr. Hemlock (and likely never was).

But Nala was gently pushing Emerie to realize that she IS trusted by Dr. Hemlock. Emerie is his pet, his docile and tame dog, or so he believes her to be. And his continued belief in her docility will be her weapon. Emerie is used to thinking she's powerless, but Nala Se is telling her she's NOT.

To "step into the breach" means to fill the gap in battle or task when the original person can no longer do it.

Emerie will step into the breach left open by Nala Se. According to Dr. Hemlock, Emerie will have control not just of the vaults to Project Necromancer but the subterranean levels.

Guess what's down there?

The Zillo beast, and it's power to eat electricity and grow.

And who can tame a Zillo beast? I there there's one little sister artificially imbued with the Force, and good with animals that might be up to the task.

Emerie Karr has always been Omega's Jungian Shadow. The Shadow is what we fear or hate in ourselves, and such a character, especially in traditionally masculine tales, shows the Shadow to be base, lascivious, angry, or prideful, but for Omega, her Shadow is a figure of extreme docility, something Omega fears to be. Omega has already faced her Shadow, but this story is doing something interesting.

One part of the Heroine's Journey is healing the Mother/Daughter split. I think it's possible that Omega's Shadow, that other part of herself, the docile, obedient girl she could have been is the one to heal the split. Because it was the Creatrix, Nala Se, that made this separation between sisters, that in part, allowed a Shadow to form.

The overly docile, obedient, powerless young woman faced her mother and said, "I want to help these children, but look at me, you tossed me aside left me to a horrible man, I cannot help myself, how can I help other children."

And the mother is saying, "Are you really powerless? Your docility need not be real, it is a power now, let it be a fine deception [and Nala Se has always been a bold liar, she understands deception]. Use his idea of you, your new access to his vile chambers, against him."

And I think Nala Se IS changing. Yes, she's always loved just Omega, poured everything into Omega, and kept all other children at a professional distance. But I think she wants to change. To expand her love beyond what was her focal point, her golden child.

Why is it so important that the children ask for HOME? Because for the first time, Nala Se is thinking of children as having mothers and fathers too. And SHE is a mother. Always has been. And she hurt other children to save her own daughter. It's a common, understandable action in our world--people will save their own children before another. But it's still terrible, and children shouldn't be hurt whether they have parents or not.

And Emerie's accusation that Nala abandoned her must highlight to Nala, these clones ARE her children, whether she recognizes them or not. They exist in part because of her. Nala Se likely believed Emerie, and all the other modified clones didn't need parents. But as we see with Emerie, this isn't true. Emerie needed her, or needed SOMEBODY who could be family. The multitude of clone brothers had each other as family, older and younger brothers all around. Emerie had none of them.

Nala Se can love Emerie, and show Emerie that she is worthy and capable of love beyond what she can do. And paradoxically, it may be that Emerie, the girl Nala Se gave away, is more her daughter than Omega, the child she held fast to her as an extension of herself for so many years.

[crazyunsexycool]

My little love

Chapter 18

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x enhanced!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Warning: bit of angst, fluff, GOATS!!!!

A/N: I wish I could have this out sooner but work has been kicking my ass lately. Anyways I hope you like this chapter I have maybe one or two chapters planned of them being in Wakanda!

Series masterlist

Ch 17

As soon as the alarm went off you were on your feet and rummaging through everyone’s luggage. You had overpacked for a reason. Although you knew the main purpose of this trip was to help Henry, you knew there was a chance that people that Bucky had interacted with would want to see him again. It was important to you that they see he was doing well and was being taken care of. That the chance they had taken on Bucky hadn’t been a waste.

Bucky on the other hand seemed un-bothered that he was going to have dinner with the Queen mother of Wakanda. It was as if he always came to the palace to have Sunday dinner or something.

“Sugar,” Bucky caught you by the waist as you walked back towards the kid’s room. “Why are you freaking out? It’s just dinner.”

“With a literal Queen, James. I want us to look presentable.”

“We will. You practically packed their whole closet but this isn’t some huge feast or something. It will most likely just be Queen Ramonda, Shuri and T’Challa. Maybe Nakia if she isn’t on a mission. There’s nothing to worry about, it’s just a small dinner.” He gave you a kiss on the cheek before calling Henry and ushering him to the bathroom so that he could shower.

“It’s just a small dinner.” You mutter to yourself as you turn your attention toward Lottie who was turning the pages of her favorite picture book about animals.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky had been so wrong. There were a few leaders of the other tribes already waiting. You were glad you insisted on dressing up a bit considering everyone in the room looked amazing. They wore the colors representing their tribes and they all looked regal. You and Bucky were dressed both in black, while Lottie wore a dress and Henry wore a button up with a sweater on top and jeans. They looked adorable as they walked hand in hand.

Charlotte of course being the most outgoing was waving at anyone that would look in her direction. Bucky introduced you to a few of the tribe leaders as you all awaited the arrival of the royal family.

“So it’s true what I’ve heard. The white wolf has found a pack of his own.” You turned to see one of the younger men in the room walk towards you and Bucky. He was tall and broad, he wore furs and looked very intimidating.

“M’Baku, it’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you back, although I wish it were under better circumstances. Now, who is this?” He smiles in your direction and he doesn’t look as intimidating as before.

“This is Y/N. She’s an Avenger, my girlfriend and the mother of my children.” Bucky said as his hand rested on your hip.

“Pleasure to meet you M’Baku.”

“No no, the pleasure is all mine.” He winks in your direction causing you to smile. “I hope you enjoy Wakanda. Just let me know if you would like a tour.”

“Ok, stop flirting with my girl.”

“I wasn’t flirting, I was just being a good host.” He laughs at Bucky’s unamused expression and you can’t help but join in.

The doors open and in walks T’Challa, Shuri and Ramonda. The Dora Milaje right behind them. When Lottie sees the red uniforms and spears she turns to you and Bucky and points at the group with excitement. Bucky picked her up while Henry moved to stand beside you just as Ramonda approached.

“James.”

“Queen Ramonda.”

“You must be Y/N. I’ve heard many great things already. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She smiles at both of you.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“And who is this little one?” Her face lights up as she looks at Charlotte.

“This is our daughter Charlotte and this is our son Henry.” Bucky explains with some pride at being able to show his family off.

“Hello Charlotte, how are you?”

“Good.” Lottie responds softly and a bit shy, which is completely opposite of how she entered the room just a few minutes before.

“And how are you Henry?”

“I’m ok.” He says partially hidden behind you.

“Well I know that you are here so that Shuri can help you but I hope your baba takes you out to explore too. Would you like that?”

Henry nods.

“Good, I’m sure you’ll have fun. Now why don’t we sit down?” She says before leading you into a dining room.

The room was large with huge windows that allowed a perfect view of the sunset and of Wakanda. A long table sat in the middle. Ramonda led you to the end of the table you’d be sharing with her and Shuri while T’Challa sat at the head on the other end with the rest of the tribe’s leaders. Bucky sat Lottie next to him and Henry sat between you and Lottie.

****

By the end of the meal you have heard so many embarrassing stories about T’Challa from Shuri. Your mascara was probably ruined from your tears due to laughter. Henry now sat next to Shuri as they made up a handshake of their own. Lottie sat in Ramonda’s lap giggling at whatever Ramonda was doing. Bucky just smiled at the scene and you moved closer to him.

“What’s the smile for?”

“I was just thinking that if we were back in the 40s this is how it would be with my ma and my sisters. They would love the kids and you.” He has that look you’ve seen so many times, it’s a look of yearning for his family.

“I’m sure they’d be very proud of what a great father you are.”

Bucky smiles at you and places a kiss at your temple. Henry tugs at his arm and Bucky leans down to hear Henry whisper something in his ear. He excused himself and Henry and you are left with Shuri, Ramonda and Lottie.

“So tell me Y/N, how is motherhood treating you?” Ramonda asked.

“It’s been a big adjustment. Most of the time I’m afraid I’ll mess up and they’ll be scared of me or hate me. But I love them so much, I can’t imagine my life without them.”

“That is normal. I messed up many times while my children were little.”

“All of those stories of T’Challa are proof.” Shuri chimes in, making you snicker.

“The most important thing is that you tell them and show them how much they are loved. I’m very sure they love you too, isn’t that right Charlotte?”

“Yeah.” She said looking from Ramonda to you with a big smile. “Lobe mama.”

“I love you too.”

Charlotte giggles and stretches her arms out for you to pick her up. You kiss her cheek once she’s in your grasp and then you feel it. She tenses and she has that far away look in her eyes.

“Shit,” you start patting her back once you realize she isn’t breathing. “Come on baby, breathe for me.”

Shuri is up and out of her seat so quickly that it gathers the attention of the others in the room and Bucky who was walking back in. He quickly walks over with Henry as Shuri grabs one of the beads from her bracelet and starts a scan to figure out what’s going on.

“How long has she been like this?” Bucky asks as he takes Lottie from you and sits her on his lap. He starts to rub circles on her chest to try and get her to breathe.

“Just a few seconds.”

Lottie inhales sharply and Bucky prepares to run out since she usually cries after a vision. This time however she just has a scowl on her face.

“Lottie what’s wrong?”

“Steebie.”

“Does uncle Steve have an owie?”

“No, don’t wike it.” She says as she glared up at you and Bucky. Her little hands balled up into fists. “Bad Steebie.”

Bucky looks over at you as you both struggle to suppress laughter. When Charlotte has visions she either smiles or cries but never have you seen her get angry before. It’s somehow even funnier that the person that has made her mad is her precious uncle Steeb.

“Does that happen often?” Shuri asks as she stands beside you.

“The vision thing or the breathing thing?”

“Both.”

“The visions are unpredictable and so is the not breathing part. But she tends to hold her breath when the vision is very intense or upsetting. There have been other visions that don’t affect her this way.”

Shuri nodded while deep in thought as she processed what Bucky had said.

“Bring her to my lab tomorrow morning along with Henry. I’d like to run some tests if that’s ok with you.”

“Of course we’ll be there bright and early.”

“Good, I will see you all tomorrow.” She excuses herself and leaves.

“You deal with that every day?” Ramonda, who had been silently watching the whole thing, asked.

“Yes, it’s very unpredictable. Most visions aren’t as intense but when they are it’s scary.”

“One time the vision lasted so long and she wasn’t breathing that her lips started to turn blue.” Bucky adds. “Usually holding her close helps her not get lost in what she sees. And this is the first time she is able to somewhat communicate what her vision was about.”

“And Steebie is?”

“Steve Rogers.”

“Oh, the Captain.” Ramonda smiles. “Children are so precious at this age.” She looks fondly at Henry and Charlotte. The former gently caresses his sister’s cheek as he checks over her. Charlotte rests her head against Bucky and yawns.

“I think it’s best we call it a night. She’s going to sleep the rest of the night.”

You excuse yourself and head out of the dining room. Bucky holds on to a sleeping Lottie and you hold on to Henry.

“Is everything alright mother?” T’Challa asked.

“Yes, the little one just had a vision.”

A look of understanding crosses T’Challa’s face and he looks at his mother. He furrows his brows at her expression.

“Are you alright mother?”

“Yes, I was just imagining what this place would be like if I had grandchildren running around. I guess I must make the most of Henry and Charlotte while they are here.”

“Mother please let’s not start this again.” T’Challa pleads.

“I won’t say anything else. But I am not getting any younger.”

“Mother.”

She looks up at him and laughs. “Fine I will not bring it up again. For tonight at least. Have a good night my dear son.”

“Good night Mother.”

The next morning bright and early the four of you were in Shuri’s lab. Henry walked toward a display of gadgets that were being worked on by a lab assistant. You, Bucky and Lottie stood to the side waiting for the young genius to walk over to you.

When she was ready Shuri waved you over to a table at the center of the room. For privacy most of the lab assistants left so it was just the five of you.

“Alright let’s start with Charlotte.” Shuri patted the table and turned to grab som equipment.

“Just so you know she may not like this.”

“It’s ok, we will figure it out.”

You looked at Bucky and picked Lottie up. As soon as you sat her down on the table she gripped your shirt with such strength that she almost ripped it.

“Mama don’t wike, pwease. Don’t wike it.” Lottie immediately got teary eyed which in turn made you teary eyed. “No mama. Dada pwease.”

“Doll It’s ok, we aren’t leaving you. Mama and I are right here.”

Shuri walked back over and stood beside you. She held something that looked like a sleek version of a price gun in her hand.

“Look Lottie,” she placed it just behind your ear, near your hairline and pressed the trigger. There was no pain whatsoever and you wondered what she did. Then she moved to the other side and did the same thing. “See, it doesn't hurt.”

Lottie let go of your shirt and blinked away the tears as she looked up at Shuri.

“No owies?”

“No owies, little one.” Shuri smiled. “Here you try.” She walked around the table and motioned for Bucky to move closer. Shuri took Lottie’s hand and placed the gun into it while guiding her to her father’s forehead. It clicked and stuck something to Bucky’s head making Charlotte giggle. “Now you, ok?”

“Ok.”

Charlotte sat still as Shuri did what she needed. There were two small squares stickers placed on her head both behind her ears.

“I want to get some readings first. These will not come off even if she tries to peel them or with water or sweat. Only I can take them off.” Shuri explained as she grabbed a small tool similar to a pen and held it up to Bucky’s forehead, pulling the small square away with ease and then she did the same with yours. “We’ll keep them on for a couple of days, hopefully she will have a vision and we can see how her brain reacts.”

“That would be amazing. We haven’t been able to perform any tests on her.”

Shuri nodded in understanding. “You should be good for now. If anything happens, bring her back. Henry's first treatment will take about three hours.”

“Ok, we’ll see you back in the room.”

You turn to find Henry and see him by the table he was at before. With open arms you kneel in front of him and give him a hug.

“Listen sweetheart, no one is here to hurt you ok? Your dad is going to stay with you all the time and I’m going to be with Lottie. I’ll see you in a little bit ok?”

“Will you cuddle with me later?”

“Absolutely.” You smile and kiss the top of his head before standing up.

“Ok, come on Lottie.”

You stick out your hand in order for her to take it but she doesn’t. When you look down her arms are crossed over her chest and she has a pout. She was upset with you and you hid your smile behind your hand because she looked so cute. You waved goodbye to Shuri and Bucky and ushered Lottie out.

You sat in the garden of the palace with a book in hand while Lottie walked around and looked at all the plants. She was unusually quiet which let you know she was still upset. Every so often you’d look over the book to see where she was at. Little by little she got closer to you until you looked over and she was standing in front of you. Her pout was still present. After placing the bookmark in its place and setting the book aside you look at Lottie as she stares up at you.

“Can mama pick you up?” She nods and lifts her arms for you to grab her and sit her on your lap.

You weren’t sure how to have this conversation with her and how much of it she would understand but it was important to teach her about communication.

“Are you mad my sweet Angel?”

“Don’t wike it mama. Don’t wike owies.” She said with tears in her eyes.

“I know, baby. I don’t like it when you get hurt either. Mama and daddy would never hurt you like that, we just want to make sure you don’t have other owies we can’t see.”

“No habe owies.” She extends her arms so that you can see that there are no cuts or bruises on her.

“You’re right. But mama and daddy want to make sure. We want you to be happy and healthy so we can watch you grow up and be a big girl.”

“Mama,” She said as she put her hands on her chest, looking almost offended that you didn’t know. “Am big.”

You laugh before kissing the top of her head.

“Is that right? You’re a big girl?”

She nods and grins at you.

“Well then you gotta stop growing so fast.” You said as you tickled her. She giggled and tried to get off your lap. “I love you so much my sweet Angel.”

“Lobe you, mama.”

You pull your phone out after giving Lottie another hug to find a message from Bucky saying they finished a bit early. With a quick reply you tell him you’ll be in the room in a few minutes. You put Lottie on your hip and grab your book with the other and head back to the rooms you’ve staying in.

You can hear Henry crying the closer you get to the room and it’s heartbreaking. Even Charlotte looks worried as you walk in. Bucky immediately takes Charlotte from you.

“He doesn’t want anyone near him except for you. ” He says in a rushed tone and you rush into the adjoining room.

The minute you walk into the room Henry runs towards you. His face is red, cheeks are tear stained and his eyes are red and puffy. You manage to open your arms and catch him just before he knocks you down.

“Oh my sweet boy, it’s ok.” You say while rubbing his back hoping it will sooth him. “Just let it out baby.”

After kneeling there for a moment you get up and lift Henry up with you. He’s still sniffling and hiding his face in your chest so you get comfortable on the bed. You hummed a lullaby while playing with his hair only stopping when he fell asleep. Henry’s grip on your shirt is tight though so you stay in the same position and let him rest. Bucky pokes his head in with a sleepy Charlotte in his arms. He mirrors your position on the bed and lets Lottie rest against his chest. You both stay like that for a while so that the kids can get their sleep. Bucky hasn’t said what he had planned for the afternoon except that you’d be out of the palace.

Once the kids were awake and changed into more comfortable clothes you left. Bucky’s excitement was palpable as he led you away from the palace. Lottie matched his eagerness to get out and begin to explore. Henry on the other hand stayed closer to you at all times, he was withdrawn from everything going on around him and instead kept his head down.

The first stop was the small farm Bucky was living at when he stayed in Wakanda. It was far away from the palace and near a lake. Bucky grabbed a blanket he had packed and placed it on the grass near the lake. He had promised to pack everything while you comforted Henry and he did just that. After he set everything up you sat down and Henry made himself comfortable on your lap while Lottie kept Bucky busy by running around and playing close to the water’s edge.

“Are you ok sweet boy?”

“I don’t know.” He said quietly while he watched his sister and dad play. “What happens if we can’t get the words out?”

“What do you mean?”

“If Shuri can’t make me stop being bad, are you gonna stop being my mama, and is daddy not gonna be my daddy anymore?”

You scooped him up and turned him around so that you could look him directly in his eyes. There was so much fear in his eyes and he started going back and forth between transparent and visible. Your hands cup his face gently and you tilt his head up so that he’ll look at you.

“Henry I want you to really listen to me ok. You are not bad, the bad men made you do things you didn’t want to do. I know it’s going to take some time for you to understand that and that’s ok, we’ll work on it together. Now, your dad and I are always going to be on your side. No one in the whole world can make us stop being your parents. We love you so much and we’re always going to take care of you. Do you understand that?”

By the time you’d finished Henry was crying softly again. Bucky had walked over and sat down next to both of you after having heard Henry’s question.

“Hey bubs, c’mere.” Bucky pulled Henry into his own lap and looked over at you, silently asking you for some time alone with his son.

You smiled at him and got up in order to run around with Charlotte.

“I know this is a scary feeling. Not knowing if what Shuri is doing will work. But I promise it will because it worked on me. We just have to give them a little bit of time.”

“I’m scared daddy,” Henry hugged Bucky. “I don’t wanna hurt mama again and I don’t want to hurt baby or you.” He cried into Bucky’s chest but Bucky pulled him back.

“Let’s make a deal ok? I promise that I am going to be there with you the whole time and I’ll keep mama and Lottie safe until the bad words can’t hurt you anymore. What do you say?” Henry nodded and leaned into Bucky again.

They stayed like that for a while as you played with Lottie. You were looking over at Bucky, smiling in his direction when Lottie let out what could only be described as a scream mixed with a squeal of excitement as a small herd of goats walked in your direction.

“Mama, goats.” She said excitedly as she shifted her weight from side to side.

“I see that, let’s go see them.”

She ran toward Bucky and Henry first and tugged on her brother’s hand. He hesitated for a moment but followed her as she led him to the herd. Lottie was usually a happy child but you had never seen her this excited or happy before. Ever since the petting zoo she had loved goats. You teased Bucky saying it was another trait she got from him.

The goat herder recognized Bucky and they started to talk while the herd ran around the field. Lottie was a giggling mess when one of the smaller goats butted her in the belly playfully causing her to fall. When Henry bent down to pick her up the same goat tried to climb his back. He started giggling too and you felt a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Fortunately you had started recording everything as soon as Lottie screamed, so you’d be able to watch it as many times as you liked. You knew the team would love to see this too.

“Mama,” your sweet Angel called between fits of laughter. “Mama look.” She said even though you were watching her trying to mimic a goat's bleat. Henry soon joined her and you had a feeling they would be doing that for a long time after you got back to the palace.

“They’re probably going to lose their mind over this.” Bucky says as he stands beside you. He held the smallest goats you’d ever seen. “These two were born recently and need names and he’s letting us do it.”

You grinned in his direction.

“I bet I already know the names they’ll choose.”

“Me too.” Bucky chuckled as he walked towards the kids who were petting some of the goats. “Hey bubs, doll C’mere.” He said as he crouched down. Once the kids were in front of him Lottie awed at the goats he was holding. “Sit down so you can hold them. These babies need names. How about you each give them a name.”

You were sure Charlotte’s cheeks were going to hurt from how big she was smiling. She sat down quickly and opened her arms to allow Bucky to set one of the goats down and Henry did the same.

“Ok, you have to think about the name you have to give them.”

“Steebie.” Lottie said quickly as her hand gently patted the goats head. “This baby Steebie.”

“What about this one Henry?”

He looked down at the goat in his lap with a very serious expression before speaking up. “This is Sammie. Like Uncle Sam.” He gave you both a small smile when he looked back up.

“Those are great names. Steebie and Sammie.”

“No mama, baby Steebie.” Lottie corrected you.

“Oh ok, baby Steebie and Sammie.”

Bucky chuckled as he got up and went to speak with the goat herder. You sat down with the kids and ended the recording.

“Feeling a bit better bubs?”

“A little.” Henry replies.

“You know your dad took care of goats after Shuri helped him. Maybe we could get a pet when we get back home.”

“Can habe goat mama?” Lottie asked.

“I don’t know sweet Angel. Maybe something smaller like a dog or a cat. We don’t have space in the apartment for a goat.”

“I like cats better.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the black panther now does it?” You raise a brow.

“Maybe.” He smiled sheepishly.

“We’ll talk about it more when we get back home. For right now let’s play with these guys, what do you say?”

Both kids got up and started running around, giggling as they were followed by the herd. Bucky’s arms pulled you against his chest, his chin resting on your shoulder.

“It’s going to get harder isn’t it?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah, he’s going to remember everything they had him do but in the end he’ll be free. He’s scared that he’ll hurt you again or that he’ll hurt Charlotte. I told him I’d protect you both.”

“I’m proud of you. You’re such a good dad.” You say as you turn to look up at him.

“I’m only giving him what I wished I had while I was going through this too. I was alone during most of it and I was terrified most of the time.”

“We’ll never let Henry feel like that.” You reach up and caress his cheek.

Bucky agreed as you watched both kids playing without a care in the world they way it should always be for them. Henry looks at you and smiles before waving you over. Happily you and Bucky join your kids and stay in the small peaceful corner of Wakanda until the sun starts setting. By then Henry and Lottie are exhausted and you make it to the palace before they can fall asleep.

After quick showers and getting dressed in comfy pajamas you all lay down in the kids rooms as they sleepily talk about goats. Once they’re fast asleep Bucky quietly leads you to the adjoining room and pulls you into bed with him. As Bucky absentmindedly runs his hand up and down your arm, you push away the worries of what the next few days or weeks would bring and enjoy the peace of the moment.

Ch 19

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