#anyway uhhhhh sorry about the mile of tags!
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townofcrosshollow · 2 months ago
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AAAAAAND IT'S HEADACHE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
#i am going to finish my schoolwork and play stardew valley i am going to finish my schoolwork an play stardew valley I AM GOING TO-#currently i have a bad cold and i'm running on like 3 hours of sleep and i am trying not to feed into the manic episode#i was veeeeeeery manic yesterday lmao#the great thing is i can manage one disorder with the other LMAO out here rocking and hand waving to make myself normal long enough#to fucking RETOPOLOGIZE this fucking SHIRT#the great thing about bpd episodes also is the fact you'll be having a great awesome high energy time#and then your brain goes 'you should kill yourself! :D :D :D'#like with that tone#my inner monologue just going 'wow everything is soooo great! die!'#i mean realistically there's very little difference between the extreme energy and the extreme self hatred to me it's all just the same#it's the ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think bpd is best known for short extremely variable bursts of emotion but like#all of those emotions are the same episode right#so if i'm super happy and then angry and then depressed it's all the exact same#sometimes i get like. exact opposite thoughts in my head 2 seconds apart repeating back and forth#it's very overwhelming!#but the fun thing about prolonged episodes is that once you know you're in one you can kinda just keep doing your thing but acting weird#like i don't know how to get out of this episode but it doesn't matter cause i can still do my dang homework right#the homework is getting done#anyway uhhhhh sorry about the mile of tags!#did i mention! episode!!
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TMNT Headcanons
Ah shit, I'm at it again because this is my only current hobby
Y'all I can and will take requests on these if you want me to, I'm just doing these to give my brain the happy juice .
That being said, here you have it:
the boys realizing that you care and actually want to be their friend
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Raphael
You wouldn't admit that you'd stalked him to the roof
Absolutely not, you wouldn't stoop that low
at least not that you'd tell him
From the looks of it he was pissed, Raph got a certain face that you eventually picked up as his 'my brothers were being dicks and now I'm not gonna have emotions but I'm gonna be angry about it' face
His shoulders would get all hunched and you could hear his dejected sighing from about seven miles away
So you opted to clamber to the rooftop, gear and all and drop into a crouch next to the temperamental terrapin
"you look like someone lit your favorite book on fire and forced you to eat cauliflower, what gives?"
"well hello to you too huh?"
"I'll take that as a yes then, you get in another fight with what's his name?"
He refused to look at you, letting out an angry huff
"somethin' like that"
You only let him sit in silence for another minute or so before opening your mouth again
"well you being pissed doesn't help me any. There's a gang meeting just up the street, drugs and illegal shit. Wanna tag along?"
Raph had the decency to look appalled. You were offering to hang out with him? Willingly?
Error 404: system has stopped working, plz try again later
He doesn't look at you now, not that he can see your face through the mask, a light blush creeps up his neck
"yeah. Yeah I'd like that. Lets go shorty."
"you got it princess"
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Leonardo
He wasn't expecting you to care
The last fight you two had before he had to leave hadn't been resolved yet
But after his slip up during patrol he needed someplace to go so he wouldn't take his anger out on his family
And that's how he showed on your balcony at whatever ungodly hour of the morning
You'd barely pulled the window open before you saw his expression, you couldn't help but sigh
"leo what the actual fuck?"
"I'm really sorry about this, I just didn't know where else to go"
You really didn't want to feel bad but you did, and your feet were really fucking cold
"get your ass in here. You're letting the cold air in."
He settled easily on your couch, seemingly awkward and avoiding any eye contact with you.
You returned to the room with a bathrobe on, an extra pillow and an armful of blankets
"you can crash here for the night, im off tomorrow but don't wake me up before nine or I will stab you. Let me know if you need anything, I'm just down the hall. And we'll talk everything over in the morning, okay?"
He nodded with a sigh of relief
"thank you y/n. And I'm sorry"
You just shook your head with a smile
"I don't even remember what we were arguing about leo. And you hanging here isnt a big deal. I need friends anyway."
Your voice carried through the apartment as you retreated to your own room, letting him settle in
"now go the fuck to sleep, dumbass"
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Michaelangelo
Mikey had no idea why you wanted to see him
Especially not with the urgency in your text
Technically speaking he wasn't even supposed to be out right now and he tried to ignore that as he sprinted further away from the lair
He was out of breath by the time he reached your window, the sun nearly gone and the street lights flickering to life
The turtle knocked twice on your window before coming in and yelling for you
"you good angelcakes?! Where're you at?"
There was a startling amount of crashing from your storage room, causing him to jolt slightly when you exploded out of the room with a huge smile on your face
"good you're here, sorry I used the emergency line but I knew you started patrol soon and I didn't want to forget to give you this"
And then you pulled out a tiny binder that reminded him of a scrapbook, however that definitely wasn't what it was because when he opened it multiple organized, clipped magazine recipes stared back at him
Mikey was confused™
At his expression you seemed to explode with a bubble of excitement you didn't know you were capable of
"I remember you telling me that you liked cooking but sucked ass at organizing so when I accidentally ended up getting bored this week I made that for you so you wouldn't have to organize it."
Definitely shorting out his brain
"dude I love it, don't get me wrong here, it's amazing. But uh- why?"
You raised an eyebrow at him, now also confused™
"oh uh- I figured you're kinda risking your ass coming out of your way to visit me so I thought I'd do something to thank you and that was the first thing that came to mind."
The boy is touched and has mentally vowed to die for you, you are too precious for this world
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Donatello
Donnie never seemed to understand how you managed to read him in such a short time of knowing him
You swore it was all the reading, spending your childhood analyzing characters because you had no friends made you quite the people reader
So the second the turtle showed up to read with you that night your book became an afterthought
"you're upset. Does someone need to go into permanent night night?"
he'd literally been there for nine seconds and you were already calling him out
"uh no? I'm fine"
You rolled your eyes and resisted a great urge to clonk yourself on the head with your book
"okay that's a fucking lie. Dude you didn't even say 'whats up stranger' when you got here and you expect me to believe you're just fine? Yeah right. Did something happen? Do you need to talk about it?"
The poor guy didn't even get the chance to open his mouth
"say I'm fine one more time and Im adding the moon to my list of favorite planets"
He didn't know what he was expecting you to say but it definitely wasn't that and now he was fighting the urge to laugh
"are you really making fun of my planet knowledge right now? Not very cool of you man. I know at least 2 constellations. There's ursa major and ursa not as major right over-"
"you mean ursa minor?"
"THE MOON IS MY FAVORITE PLANET"
It might've started as a normal chuckle but in under half a minute it had dissolved into that ridiculously adorable snorting laugh he did that usually left him breathless, you laughed along with him, hanging your head and giggling as you did so
"thanks"
You shook your head, slightly dizzy from laughing so hard
"don't mention it. I don't like seeing you upset. Besides, you love it when I get all astrological, right?"
"uhhhhh..."
"this is the part where you lie to spare my feelings Donnie."
"yep. Love the astrological stuff. The best." *Plz insert awkward thumbs up here*
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10 Year Picrew
tagged by @cheesedemarco so i might as well do this hjskgjksjfjgk thanks bro 💕
2010
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~2nd grade, 7-8 yrs old
- loved or thought they loved the color pink Wholeheartedly
- cats made Everything better, thought they might be part cat and loved to imagine that they were because they grew up around cats
- i legit don't know how no one thought "hm, something is Off with this one" but no one picked up on them being Different other than the kids smh so i got picked on a bit
- sisters kept asking if they were gay because they had a fixation on katy perry's "i kissed a girl". did not quite know what being gay was.
- put into a gifted program, got confused, never showed up to classes unless the teacher showed up to get them but thinking back was probably supposed to just leave
- like 2 close friends and that was It
- emotionally invested in binging animal planet docuseries'
- wants to be a vet when they grow up
- lots of really Weird ideas that thinking back on now just resulted in spending time alone and thinking or playing alone
- attention seeker :))) didn't receive any :)))))))
- "why are boys and girls treated so differently, i don't understand?? what makes me a girl??"
- polo.... ticks???
- first time cutting their hair "short" (bob cut, just above the shoulders, Loved It and then Hated It, wanted the mako mori haircut despite mako not existing yet)
- first signs of anxiety showed up around this time
2015 (pt. 1)
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6th-7th grade, 12-13 yrs old
- sad emo bitch, honestly
- melodramatic as fuck, i would not be friends with them now if i knew them
- attention seeking at its worst
- anxiety at its worst
- lots of pushing people away and isolating from friends in fear of making things worse for them having to see me emotionally compromised in any way
- lots of having to talk people down because they managed to make friends with probably over half of the school's Depressed Children population and had even more online
- first boyfriend, didn't turn out hjskgjskg peer pressured into a few firsts actually
- loved loved loved black veil brides and h*talia/anime in general, do not come for me and do not ask for details, i will deny ever existing during this time period
- first discovers the lgbtq community
- first makes an instagram account
- first discovers what fandom and fanfics are
- first writes fanfics like a fucking madman, literally could pull three short fics out of their ass every day, edited and everything, but never posted them out of fear of rejection and criticism
- really REALLY wants to be an author but doesn't have any kind of faith in themself or their ability
- makes friends who like their writing and latches onto them for the next Ever (still friends with them now 🥰)
- couldn't manage their obsessions with fiction and it negatively affected their life in a few ways
- first girlfriend, still miss her as a friend, but didn't turn out because they still had a lot of Emotions they didn't know how to process
- joins kik and makes a lifelong friend and qpp :))
- finally let themself say fuck. come on bb u can do it just not in front of ur parents ok?
- "i HATE politics that shit is SO ANNOYING and i will NEVER be political ùmú rawr xd >:((((("
- maybe like two other girlfriends or so, was Really Just Going Thru It, Wanted To Find Themself (and also didn't know how to say no to people in fear of disappointment)
- noticable difficulty keeping track in school compared to before
- miles mckenna
- "wait, you can trans your gender?"
2015 (pt. 2)
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7th grade, 13 yrs old
- still probably wouldn't be friends with them but better than before
- mom upon being asked to let me cut my hair in the "ellen cut": BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN???
- my reaction, still partially in the closet: YES. AND???
- technically out as genderfluid and pan, did nothing to actually insinuate they wanted to shift what pronouns people used for them because "Oh But What A Burden That Would Be On Others :("
- happier with themselves but still Going Thru It because they didn't know how to put their feelings into words yet
- also a constantly fear of being perceived as annoying or a nuisance
- touch aversion appeared out of seemingly nowhere, got worse over the course of the next two years or so
- sleep deprivation ×1000000000
- more school difficulties,,,
2020
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high school senior, nearly 18 yrs old
- successfully transed their gender... mostly. almost 2 years on t. will probably never be out as nonbinary to most family. but at least they have a mullet-in-progress
- been in therapy for somewhere over 2 years, maybe close to 3??
- somewhat learned how to say no and stand up for themself and has removed toxic people from their life successfully :))
- actually has some semblance of confidence!!! you go bitch!!! comfortable in their body after t once they realized their remaining dysphoria was almost strictly social
- emotionally good but physically and mentally running on fumes and fixations
- has come to realize that they probably have undiagnosed adhd and that their therapist needs to get bent because he keeps telling them "no" and then after they talk to him about it he goes "ok maybe..." with no real answer, thanks roger 💕
- overly friendly???? just wants to make people smile and this time knows that if they don't that it's okay because at least they got to smile about it
- fixated HEAVILY on pacific rim and iasip, and torchwood (but mostly just on charlie day and burn gorman BECAUSE of pacific rim hjskgjskjgkahgkg)
- trying to get back into writing fics so hard but things just do no be coming as easily as they once did
- "i type in all lowercase because i FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM"
- probably a maoist idk i'm still Learning new things every day
- manages to actually run a tumblr blog and make friends without having borderline panic attacks??? fun times y'all
- extremely grateful to see how far they've managed to get :)
sorry for uhhhhh putting my life's story on here LMAO anyway. i tag ummmmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! here's the picrew!!! have fun!!!
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rubberbandgirl1993 · 5 years ago
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cherry @mifunebooty​ tagged me to answer some Quarantine Qs so here goes!! thanks luv
When was the last time you left your home:
i actually try to go outside for a walk everyday. i take my dogs and we usually do about 2 miles!! i be gettin fit (not really)
What was the last thing you bought?
i thought i’d be doing a lot more online shopping and ordering food and shit but tbh i haven’t done any of that. last thing i spent money on was my birth control prescription (and like..what’s the point of it since i’m not getting laid this entire month lmao) 
Is quarantine driving you crazy or are you finally relaxed?
it’s driving me crazy. i hate it. i’m home a lot anyway but i hate being FORCED to be at home. i wanna go do stuff. i miss the ocean. and restaurants. and my work friends. i even miss sitting in traffic everyday because at least i was doing something
Who are you spending quarantine with?
my parents. i’m surprised at how well we’ve been getting along.
Do you have any pets to keep you company?
i have 2 dogs and a cat that will not leave me alone :-)
What are your current responsibilities?
i mean... i still have a job technically. but i haven’t had a lot to do. the entirety of last week i didn’t have work and i had to use ALL my sick time in order to still get paid. because like.. i have bills to pay. (this sounds so whiny i’m sorry. i know that i’m lucky to 1. have a job and 2. have a job where i even get PTO. i’m just frustrated)
Do you have a room to yourself?
yes. it’s the only part of the house where i can get some peace and quiet
Are you exercising?
trying to! i’ve been going on walks like i said and just started doing my ab exercises again. had to start from square one since i wasn’t doing them for like 3-4 weeks. let me tell you, that shit hurted.
Town, country or city?
city i think ? do i live in a city ? idk lol
How’s your toilet paper supply?
we had a lot before this whole thing started. my parents have always been the kind of people to stock up on stuff like that, so we’re good.
What’s the worst thing you had to cancel?
uhhhhh nothing as of yet. i didn’t have anything planned. there’s a concert in october that i’m 99% sure will be canceled but i haven’t heard yet.
What’s the best thing you had to cancel?
this one work project that i hated. it’s not interesting 
Who do you miss the most?
my bf
Do you have any hobbies?
idk does listening to music count as a hobby since literally everyone does that? lmao. idk playing animal crossing? i need some hobbies. life is a bit dull right now.
What are you watching the most?
TV shows! i never really watch shows, i’m more a movie person. but yeah i watched fleabag and i loved it so much. it really hurt my feelings but it was good. i also am finally finishing big little lies (don’t judge me)
Are you still going to work?
not going. working from home. but barely working.
What are you out of?
positivity. i try really hard to make the best of every situation but all i can think about with this is how much life has changed and will change. and how hard it will be for my generation and younger generations to live now as if it wasn’t hard already. i’m trying to see the light in it but it’s hard. my thoughts go out to the rest of you who are struggling with this too.
Have you made any changes to your hair?
yes.. i’m a basic bitch with impulsive tendencies ok
i tag: @translucideyelids @justpatches @frankboeijen
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