#wow i wish i had more time in a day
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Ambitions, or; What I'd Like To Read By End Of Year.
Behold: (Part of) my TBR! I wanted to reorganize books today, and I figured while I was moving things around I might as well put them in stacks of To Be Imminently Read.
The top four are the last of my Driscoll-adjacent reads to see me through the end of August (I might end up doing Split Tooth before then, too!). Then some writing stuff for a Between Projects Palate Cleanser, and then Hench through One Hundred Years of Solitude is my gearing-up-for-NaNo stack (not featured: Vicious and Vengeful, currently boxed up, but will reread). Babel and Bitch Queen are for after NaNo!
#books#book stacks#tbr#nano 2023#wf#(we tag it so we can find it later lol)#in btw#driscoll#i will also likely do a bot reread post nano as a Victory Reward!!#AND PREP FOR SYSTEM COLLAPSE!!!!!#never mind also that i have to read a friend's book and provide feedback in sept....#hnngh#a bunch of these books are actually very short at least#(to make up for a bunch also being Very Long)#but i don't think i'll be doing as much holiday knitting this year as last year so that should be fine??? like i can just. read. in decembe#*Read Guilt Free in December lmao#because i won't be working on a writing project then#wow i wish i had more time in a day#but that said i do think this is a doable stack#i've been on a fucking roll this year#and i'll have two months of Read Fiction NaNo Prep and that should be enough time for that stack#currently i'm writing a zillion tags so i don't have to decide to either knit/show or read lmaoo
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#spheal#i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a#regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum#with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way#this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr#as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites#it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted#i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did#with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my#backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having#any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh#until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can#wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal
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Happy Birthday King Wow!
#a.c.e#sehyoon#kim sehyoon#happy wow day#casey speaks#i wish i had more time & energy to put into this lol#it is the end of the school year idk what to tell you#plus undercover & a.c.e have their anniversaries coming up too and I want to celebrate.
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like guys i promise im aware blossomfall is meant to be a glass child. i just think she’s a poorly written one lmao
#tbh thats why my feelings on her are so strong. its a delicate topic for kids but time and time again#its been handled extremely poorly and just used as an excuse to hate disabled people#i think my exhaustion with these stories is bc they were sorta shoved down my throat by the school board growing up#because they heard ‘’wow you got TWO autistic brothers??? your life must SUCK ASS AND BALLS have this book abt how autism ruins families’’#wow cool i feel so much better guys. both about the ableism my family faces in general and about my undiagnosed autism#if i had to think. and i havent read this in forever so i could be misremembering. i think a decent example of a glass child trope#is the sister from ‘’wonder’’ (the book. idk what the movie did)#because while she’s an important character who struggles with internalized ableism#the focus is still on auggie and HIS struggles with his own disability and the ableism he faces as a result#and the sister isnt demonized for her feelings but she does still have to grapple with them#and accept her situation and that no one is at fault or anything. its just a consequence of an ableist society more than anything#again. been forever and ever since i read that book and iirc it does still have iffy shit like the one chapter on genetics#like to this day that sticks out as an uncomfortable chapter and idk if i can say its fantastic rep bc of that#but idk. i remember liking it fine as a kid#i always appreciated books that tried to get into multiple perspectives on the issues#also this is just me and ik it goes against the definition of the term#but man. kinda wish we’d get a glass child character thats also disabled and their disability is undiagnosed or ignored#for the sake of only prioritizing their sibling and bc they have to be ‘’the perfect abled child’’#because thats my story lol#wasnt allowed to be disabled or imperfect or need help because being a third disabled kid wouldve been too much
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this quest gets me so fucking bad every time OTL
#WHAT IS THERE TO BE SORRY OF BUT THAT SHE HAD BEEN LOVED#😭😭😭#wow#malygos#sindragosa#like i wish they had done much more with malygos and sindragosa after the quests in azure span but what we got guts me every time#they loved each other so much!!!!!! and you can see all the little spots in the zone touched by their love its sickening cute#and i will never ever ever ever forget blizzard for what they did to malygos in wotlk. like thats a hatred im taking to my tomb#he was my favorite aspect and they massacred my boy for a shitty unnecessary b plot#one day i will have my vengeance on chris metzen for this
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#"despite everything that happened dee- and yknow the events falling upon you thats happened- i still consider you Bondi regardless if youre#“technically in the club or not so- i just hope wherever you go you remember that”#whata fuckinh emding i guess it could’ve been worse and i enjoyed the highs and downbad lows#icant with these emo shits and drama queens today i cried and laughed sm (cried more)#its always when i have things to do irl after and my eyes are like @@#time for a hot shower and sleep for 2 days now#war is over#< bro think he did something#wow what a journey#rip dukes n jess's gifti TT^TT shes with og vb tulip and paragone now the girls are home#I’m glad he went with the tutorial dee mentore ending leaving until someone needs him with some hints and not very closed ending >> sideeye#barrys such an emo himbo goldfosh lmao the literal ending it with a bang was hot and tragicsweet#hs last memory connection with dee Clueless#🖼️🃏#i loved every last convo that was had with people- the bad and good and the painful and healing#i wish there was one with tj tho ): he called him when he thought it was his last moments in prison god i love that phonecall#wait right ill take their little chat at the gas station ⍢ it was so sweet#chip fey and ed and collin & bbs convos#and he’s been and always will be bondoi gladge#him pulling lots of new pple on their feet for years then either they exceed to great things and move on and away from him#or the city eats them and he never see them again and in all cases he ends up alone again#^i daydreamed about him saying something like that to b im glad he did#the way b speaks to him and how the club spoke to him is fascinating i want to talk about it and analys it#god not me analysing literature years after collage#and i know she was scuffed lmao but coppa looked like she said goodbye to dee too before she got into the car and idc ill take that#the two that i'll miss sm more than anything with barrys story and 4.0 dee and coppa#i think the john thing's so funny especially the “gaslighting himself that dees name was johnathon the intire time” in mc lmao but#🤲🕯️🩸 reunion in aus 🙏 🩸 rekindling 🕯️🩸 max prison or petty crimes 📿🛐 that part revival 🤲🩸🛐 its right there hes righthere 🌀😵💫#dare i say the same dee with the same memories continues 4.0 with a new page and even closer with everyone 🚛 🏭 the copium overload#I also cant wait for more suffer and joy in 4.0 yippeee
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nobody asked but these are probably my favourite live looks hayama-san gave us lol
#vee queued to fill the void#FOLLOWED VERY VERY V E R Y CLOSELY BY HIS 7TH LIVE DAY ONE LOOK (MAX CUTE AND I WISH HIS SUKAJAN SHIRT WAS ON SALE TO THIS DAY)#AND HIS 8TH LIVE DAY 2 LOOK (BIASED BUT ALSO HE LOOKS GOOD IN GOLD AND HE WAS IN A SKIRT THAT HAD THIS RLY CUTE BELT BUCKLE ON HIS HIP)#are they in order?????? idk lol but maybe#my hayama brainrot has been on 💯 lately as we get closer to the next hangout stream and his return to it lol#it’s!!!!!!!!!!!!! been too long since i’ve seen his face in content i haven’t been looping for ages lmao#(what????? i got three new videos with him in it in the past two weeks and a very entertaining radio ft sakakihara-san???? idkwym lol 😌😌😌)#abema removed their bonus 6th live content effectively making it lost media i think and i’ve really depressed about it#it was so charming to listen to hayama-san’s voice just perpetually stuck on his kuukou baritone#since that was the first time he’d performed as kuukou for as long as he did and as intensely too (bat’s first kaigen 🥹🥹🥹)#like even takeuchi-san’s voice was going out towards the end of their interviews that’s how hard they went on that live#and sakakihara-san’s post live excitement for kaigen the way he happy clapped getting to talk about kaigen ABEMA I RLY DO HATE THIS#so i’m trying to make myself feel better by tag rambling about them lol#anyway that haircut for the 6th live was so inspired i miss his long hair era everyday and 💜💜💜 to the first time he wowed the entire world#(if you feel there’s some type of energy going into the 5th live shot i posted instead a more uniform shot with the others eh heh⭐️)
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I'm probably far from the first person to say this, but you can't tell me that this song doesn't just scream Aventurine, c'mon.
#like. i don't even need to explain it do i. the lyrics are Right There they speak for themselves#aventurine#hsr aventurine#honkai star rail#hsr#Seven.txt#music stuff#panic! at the disco#p!atd#another song + character commentary post wow mayhaps i'll start making more of these but i fear people and their Opinions#but whatever. if i don't distract myself with a silly little tumblr post im gonna have a meltdown so. here. character commentary be upon ye#anyways listening to this and thinking of Aven gives me chills every single time i can't help it#as usual if u disagree feel free to keep that shit to yourself this is just my opinion let me have it in peace#Spotify#'oh but it's too Positive! he's actually miserable inside! he wouldn't embody this song that's just the mask he puts up!!!'#yeah ur right. and who said i wasn't talking about the mask#i'm not saying that this song embodies his truest self necessarily. but i think it does suit Some aspect of him#maybe the side that's trying to keep going. the side that picks him up off the floor and pushes himself out into the world day after day#forcing himself to find whatever scraps of hope he can hold onto. the song doesn't say '*Had* to have high hopes' for no reason#i dunno i'm just spitballin here. there's plenty of ways you can see Aven in this song. if u Want to#if you've never peeled urself off the bathroom floor and washed tears off your face while playing the most upbeat song you can find-#-to try and summon the motivation to keep going in spite of how u just spent 20mins wishing for it all to be over. well#well then u just can't understand my vision here
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my BEAUUUUUTIFUL cafkl haul 😁😁😁😁
#wow my camera is so bad OH well!#but it was suchh a good day today YAYY this is definitely the best art event ive ever attended (only ever been to 4)#it was actually spacious and not overcrowded and no long queues and could easily get there w public transport#and there were SOOOO many artists it was so nice... i spent so much money 💸#ack i forgot to include my karen pin and a dice bag i got for my brother in this. oh well#karen pin isnt even from this i went to klcc for that LOL#but yayyy i had such a great day 🥰 wore such a pretty black dress w a grey cardigan + grey shoes and a stranger dressed the same as me#came up to me and pointed it out and we yassed out LOL#i wished i lived in the city so i could do this more 💭💭💭 now its time to save up for comic fiesta 😤
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BOY WHO FINISHED PORTAL REVOLUTION!!!!
#expect designs for emily and Stirling. of object head and humanoid variety. if school doesn't make me too busy</3#unfortunately my computer sucks and school tomorrow so i had to cheat and go through the game really fast if i wanted time at all#still!!! it was good despite my computer imploding upon running it!!! (my computers fault mainly shes 10)#im so excited one day i was like “wow i wish there were more mod cores to mess with”#bc. there was only 5 counting the 2 secret ones and one of them is literally just me then i leaned about Stirling.#another thing. werewolf core is probably Australian and revolution made me realize that#bc Emily literally sounds exactly how werewolf core sounds in my head<3 ill choose a different voiceclaim tho so there's not overlap
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sometimes, matt can be so oblivious to his heart that he wont realize the truth until he’s laying down next to the person he’s grown old with, shared a bed with, and lived through so many adventures with that maybe, just maybe, they’ve been more than friends this entire time.
#( other times matt catches feelings early on and knows it’s love )#( half the time matt just thinks ‘wow are are really good really close friends’ )#( sometimes he gets it and sometimes he don’t )#( looking @ u nev )#( what’s worse than one dumb boy )#( two dumb boys )#( and these dumb boys are so painfully a couple & everyone else but them can see it )#( matt vc: we tell each other we ‘i love you’ at least once a day and kiss on the mouth . wow we’re such good friends )#( AND WHATS WORSE IS NEV IS EXACTLY THE SAME )#( NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN RECONGIZE THAT THEY ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER )#( matt vc: i can’t wait to grow old with nev . i bet we’ll be the cutest best friends )#( SIR YOU ARE ALL BUT LEGALLY MARRIED )#( what do you mean ur just best friends )#( YOU CAN BE MORE THAN FRIENDS )#( matt vc: i wish i had a boyfriend but at least i have nev . the man i cuddle in bed with every night and wake up to every morning )#( i swear to god )#( PLS MATT YOU CANT BE THIS UNAWARE )#( i will say this is a special case ONLY because both nev & matt share one brain cell )#( so if you think matt is bad then look at nev and know it’s the same )#( both of them complain about not having boyfriends while they’re holding hands at the aquarium )#( idiots dumb dumb idiots )#( i love them so much )
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#listen. sometimes. when i get emails pertaining to a specific project i worked on that nearly broke my brain. i just stop what im doing#and start playing Losing My Religion by REM. and i wish the person emailing me could see me face down at a table listening to thay song#mostly its fine. its just when someones trying to manage the data files so i kno im gonna have to go back thru and update my code#for a bunch of tiny stuff and its like: does this sound ok? and i just dont care so much that i want to start screaming#and then at the end of the day i hike up a fucking mountain going over what im gonna tell a therapist when my insurance switches#and im gonna say it in a way thats v calm and agreeable but i want to scream and tear my hair out. or maybe i wont b agreeable. i wasnt#last time i was in a therapist office but that guy deserved it and i wasn't being that bad#ugh. im just mad bc working on my stuff makes me so miserable that when i stop its like wow im no longer in agony. cool#coool. fun times. becoming increasingly apprehensive abt how im gonna try to b more healthy abt working while taking on triple#the responsibility with a phd project and being a student and being a TA. i mean. ill try but its gonna b fucking interesting#ugh. had to bust out the burnout playlist. which like. when u try to look at other ppls burnout playlists they all suck#theyre all like former gifted kid burnout Playlists and im like fuckkk offfff. why do u not have the incredibly specific vibes that im#looking for? i just demand the perfect burnout playlist and somehow nobody puts No Surprises on there#like what??? y not? its a song abt being so totally saturated that youve had enough. a heart thats full up like a landfill. a job that#slowly kills u. bruises that wont heal. how is it not THE burnout song? but whatever. i listen to too much radi0head.#ugh. but now my burnout playlist is becoming too much like my My Brain Doesnt Feel Too Good playlist#listen. i just need to curate playlist so that they can express the feelings for me#unrelated
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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Blog Update • December 24, 2023
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#mod rambling#not a suggestion#lmao hiiii. hi. sorry i like never post anymore#ive contemplated deleting this blog for good quite a few times but id have nowhere else to put my shitty cannibalism memes/jokes :/#and actually i realized theres a few things here saved from blogs that also deactivated w/o warning. i had no idea there was one blog i#really liked and then suddenly looking thru my old posts on here i rbed something of theirs and realized theyre gone now. wow#i wish id saved more. but anyways i have a bunch of uhhh both aesthetic & shitpost shit in my drafts backlog#a. lot. so i might just start posting that slowly over these days. i might try and write some short things here and there too#bc u kno this STARTED as a '''suggestion''' blog but im sure as hell not doing that much of that lmao. sorry guys#or just make more shitposty posts courtesy of moi. idk. smthn cause i kinda feel bad abandoning this#also this blog has a tendency to update whenever im in deep mental crises and. hahaaaa guess what chat ur not gonna believe this#anyways yeah surprise im alive. for now. ill start organizing the queue. thx to all who stayed for ur patience
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billions figuring winston shouldn't just also still be there in the end with the guys we accept so he needs to be sent out, which, it's also remarkable to recall like "okay does he still technically, partially work at/for axe global then? it's a 'maybe' but what matters is that he's not There even if so"....the way that even if we infer he did get to finally be sick of waiting on better, we weren't even given so much of an arc of a couple episode's leadup showing him markedly being more frustrated / fed up with The Usual bullshit or anything like that, the way it went with one ep to spare "oh right winston's catchphrases! we all know & loathe them" like don't strain yourselves....that even in giving up on things, winston still has to be further let down by everyone even after quitting, like well that's probably ultimately helpful for him but it was (a) forced on him and (b) not sure i'd give billions the credit for anything sympathetic towards winston versus "well the only thing to be done with winston material is have fun while epic winners shit on him however they want," the wags plotline had no point just like the later one that could've been scrapped & transformed into "how about taylor gets any dialogue this episode"....the way that billions may imagine like hmm what to do with winston? all that can Ultimately happen with him is he has to go away and die, for him it's [out of sight out of mind out of Existence], just as has been the show's approach for the consequences of him being shitted on all th time for years before this: there are none, b/c we're not looking at them, and winston is never not completely [othered] including right now, and if it helps for some reason we'll talk about how we might be fine if he literally dies. and so we're graced with a "who knows or cares, he's just gone, finally. after being kept around b/c it's so fun seeing winners torment him" ending as the only one they find imaginable for winston
#uptick in annoyance about it on this day....#fundamentally at odds w/billions thanks in no small part to a pretty guaranteed inherent [this is a meritocracy] approach#when the cocreators expect us to simply Understand that people on the show have a superior level of Smartness; for one....ruh roh#and where then everything abt being Critical & Questioning is like....abt possible Exceptions or small adjustments to The Rules....#would not be surprised if winston is such ''proof'' like ''see; someone like him shouldn't be able to be here''#at least there's the checks & balances of being ignored; dispreferred; bullied; to the point of eventually driving him out!#rian only being ''wrong'' to have made herself his personal bully b/c what would've been more correct would be ignoring him more often#whilest again like can't suppose based on anything that billions asks us to Reflect on winston leaving. it's just good#so too is Corrective(tm) bullying / interpersonal abuse. would've had wendy push aba if they did consider winston to be autistic....#but instead kept it informal....#winston billions#billions world: where yeah autistic ppl just have to go away i guess#where they cease to exist b/c they aren't real people like us. just as winston's feelings this whole time never Had to be relevant....#they barely existed & were surely just incorrect when they did. kind of like him overall#and in the meantime didn't we all enjoy going ''god i wish that were me'' at bullying assaulting abusing the autistic guy#bit charitable of us if anything! guiding them towards the light like that. cue ''wow rian aren't you just Too pityingly nice to him*''#(*the being more godawful to him than anyone since she showed up; including being just as bad if not as usual worse right now)#anyways like nodding dehumanizing the autistic person start to finish. who must Stop Being Here
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The Kodo show was amazing 🖤🥁🖤🥁🖤
#its been 24 hours now but yesh#i was gonna wait til i got on my comp and make a read more post but that didn't happen so its tag rant time#they were sooooo good#the more intense pueces had ne on the edge of my seat and i enjoyed every min#also they used the baseball bat bachi several times which i really wanna do lol#they also had this pice where they made the shime sound like wind it was insane#there was also a pice where dancers were the center piece which ive never seen at a taiko show really#also a couple of songs with singers which is like less common they had serious pipes too#anyway back to drimming theyre so skilled i only hope i can be somewhat as good in many years form now tbh but its inspiring#and tgey did a lot of the on the ground and leaning back playing which their stamina impressed me cause they also played some intense stuff#it was a great show#im super glad i caught them on thir tour it had been a while#and it was just wow#ill never get tired of watching taiko its just the coolest especially when more experienced players are taking it to another level#like i wish my job was taiko ngl practice can be tiring but if i could just do it no day job in the way it would rock#but ill keep working on it as i am now but man seeing two really pro groups lately has me dreaming lol#taiko#talks
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