#wow i am immensely ashamed

[prettyboykatsuki]

picket fence | i. sae

✭ tags ; fem + afab!reader (sae jokingly refers to you as unladylike), established relationship, sae is whipped and bad at feelings, reader is very secure in themselves, p in v, very vanilla, 18+

✭ wc ; 2.2k

✭ a/n ; experiencing immense shame. will not be taking questions at this time

✭ synopsis ; you fail to seduce you boyfriend. he wonders if you’ll ever get that you dont need to try

"I'm trying to seduce you," Your voice is sarcastic as it is genuine in equal parts. Sae's expression remains impassive "Can't you at least pretend to care?"

"No," He replies back. You pout and cross your arms. Fake demure abandoned for your difficult personality, you flounce into the living room with a sigh. You're wearing lingerie. It's all lace and sheer and glittery. Not simple to put on from what he can see.

There's garters and stockings visible to the eye and you went as far as wearing the jersey he got for you in his size - cut in half to show you off. It's an admirable attempt, at least. You give him a twirl, gesturing to yourself and then groaning at his disinterest.

He smiles, corners of his lips twitched upwards as he glances at you then turns back to the T.V.

"I can't even get a compliment? Not even a fake one? C'mon,"

He gives you a look, wondering why you've even asked. You sigh, throwing your hands up in the air.

"Most guys would be thrilled by this. Do you know that? I bet Shidou would be,"

"Shidou would fuck anything warm with a hole." He says sarcastically. Even in your annoyance, you laugh. Sae smiles to himself.

"I bet Rin would give me attention," You whine.Sae looks at you seriously.

"Don't joke about fucking my little brother,"

"Who said I was joking, dickwad," You spit, your personality returning to you in the blink of an eye. Sae gives you an unimpressed look "Whatever. I'm gonna go take pictures."

"Pictures?" He inquires. You shoot him a look of annoyance.

"Yes, pictures, Itoshi-san," You say, biting and frustrated - punctuating the honorific "Pictures."

"For who?"

You frown at him.

"Well, certainly not for you." You reply, hand on your hip "For me and whatever friend will hype me up. My private story, who knows, really."

"Don't do that."

"I put too much effort into this. I'm getting some pictures in it." There's a tinge of disappointment at the end of your words, followed by the utmost sincerity "I won't send it to any dudes so you can relax or whatever. I get to pick dinner."

"Hey," He calls, then huffs as you give him a look "Stop. Come here."

Sae watches you tilt your head, confused. You're annoyed, but not upset enough to make it a big deal. You always make it clear that you expect little from Sae. The longer he dates you, the more it annoys him. It's contradictory in it's own right, hypocritical to an extent.

But he doesn't particularly care as you stand next to him, arms crossed over your chest.

"Hm?"

He reaches his hands towards you, fidgeting with the strap of your garters. The warmth of your skin radiates off of you. You smell nice, like something fruity and floral - and you're all visibly done up. He only notices when there's this much space between you.

"How much was this?"

"Expensive," You reply, simple and indifferent "I bought it."

"For me?"

Where he's expecting your usual self (sarcastic, unladylike, rude), you slink back at the question. You're embarrassed, tucking your chin and trying desperately to get a read on his feelings. A sensation he can't describe washes over him, half-way between guilt and amusement.

"Yeah. Who else?"

"Rin," He replies back easily, and you sigh.

"I'm sorry. Just jokes," You say, light-hearted. Gentle in your own way "Are you done? Or are you asking so you can pay me back since you foiled my plans?"

"You look good." He murmurs gently. Softly, quietly, with as little sarcasm as he can manage. It's uncomfortable. The words don't fit in his mouth the way they should. It's not like he's thinking anything else. You do look good. And he does know, that most guys would be thrilled if their partners put on such a get-up for them.

Sae knows it almost intimately that half of his meathead teammates would cream their pants looking at you. Because he's not blind or stupid. It doesn't mean anything to Sae except for when it does.

"You don't have to try so hard," You offer again. That's so like you. No expectations, always prepared to give him ease where he doesn't deserve it "'s fine. Thanks for saying that. I'll go change and we can watch something."

"No," He says, shaking his head. A little gentler this time "C'mere."

A flush spreads over you. He invites you into the bed and you crawl towards him, settled in his lap. He doesn't know what to do with himself.

It's not like he doesn't like it. That he's unaffected. It's just not the clothing itself. Not the lingerie or the jersey which construct themselves as just objects. Sae's desires are the way you linger in the doorway of your shared bedroom - the twirling and posing and dramatics.

The soft laughter and the brave face you put on to walk into the door. The lingerie is pretty. It cups you, hugs you in the right places. Dips between the curve of your breasts and squeezes.

None of that is particular important. Right now, you've let yourself settle in his lap. Your arms around his frame, encircled around his neck and forgiving. He can feel the heat of your core over his cock, can feel the way your eyes flit to his lips up to his gaze. Sae secures his hands on your waist, fingers hooking into a strap and snapping it against your skin.

He kisses your jaw, all the way up until you your lips hover near each other. You press your lips to his, hands brushing the nape of his hair. He deepens it just for you.

"What was'at for? You wanna have sex?"

He laughs at you. Stupid. Crass. Vulgar.

Cute.

"Do you think I'm a eunuch?"

"You act like one sometimes." You admit, with a heaving sigh - brushing your nose against his "Dunno. I feel like I want you more than you want me."

"You're really stupid."

"Sae," You pout like you don't think you'll get your way, even though you always do "You suck."

He's honest with himself for a minute "I know."

"I still love you, though."

"I love you too." He means it. For some reason it's not as hard to say. Love is an objective truth. He can say it reasonably and not flinch. Everything else is hard. You rub your cheek against his, an affectionate and overgrown housecat in his bed.

"Mm," You cling to him, hugging him to your chest "But do you like me?"

"Sometimes."

"So mean." You say with no malice "I don't wanna do any work."

"'s fine. C'mere."

Sae helps as he flips over, until you're onto your back. There's a dull glow from the T.V. illuminating you. Rain pours outside, dark and cloudy. You bat your lashes as Sae hovers over you. His hand grasps your hip, sliding up to your knee as you wrap your legs all the way around his waist.

He kisses you tenderly. You kiss back with a mewl, an innocent and fragile noise that he never gets sick of. It's this part of you Sae likes, this part that makes you want him. Despite all of your grievances and annoyance - all your unpleasantires, you are resilient in a way he has a hard time understanding.

You’re patient, despite him. Always meeting him where he is but making him want to give you more, give you everything. There's plenty of attractive people in the world. None could be you, his home-grown and lovesick toothache.

It makes him feel impatient. Breaks his cool bravado down so slightly. He kisses you again, all deep tongue until you whimper. Then he drags his lips down your neck, teeth grazing your pulse as you hiccup.

You break apart so Sae can undress you. Wiggling out of the jersey, lettng him unclasp your bra. He feels his stomach twist. You're enticing. The gentle heave of your chest, goosebumps on your skin. Sae lets his mouth speak for him, laving his tongue over each of your tits. Toying with your nipples until you gasp and roll your hips up against him.

"Sae," You moan. Sae grunts in the back of his throat "Feels good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The posession that settles in him his strange. He's never felt for anything in this way. Soccer is different. It can't leave. If he works hard enough, he can accomplish his goals.

The idea of you going somewhere Sae can't see you is troubling. Anyone seeing you like this - falling apart as arousal sparks in your gut is agitating. Sae wants you like this. Wants you to fall apart underneath him, because of him. It's all he can do to tell you the extent of his feelings.

He touches you until you're begging him to hurry it up, too much pleasure in your voice to be intimidating. He listens. Continues to toy with your chest as he nudges your legs apart, a hand in your panties to feel you.

You're dripping, keening as he rubs your pussy. He lets himself in slowly, rubbing your clit with his middle finger before angling himself lower. Normally there's more of a build-up. Sae works all of you open slowly. With his tongue or his fingers or his mouth.

He likes seeing you need it. What part of him that speaks too, he doesn't examine. Today, it feels like the roles are inverse. He can feel all the blood rushing to his cock. His thoughts bombarded with you and all your little misgivings.

Today it's more impatient. He finger fucks you open with an end goal clear in his mind. You spread your legs a little, and Sae pushes his middle finger into in one go. There's little resistance. You're wet and welcoming, sighing so sweet in his ear until it's easy to go in and out.

"C'mon and fuck me." You open your eyes to ask him, glassy and desperate "Please?"

"You're so impatient."

"Wanna know you want me."

"You should already know that."

Sae pulls away from you, standing on his knees.

"Open your mouth."

You nod. He lets his middle fingers rest on your tongue as he uses his free hand to position you. His cock rests against your bare cunt. He pushes between your folds, head nudging your clit. You feel good. Always perfect. Always wet and hot and inviting.

He ruts his hips. You whine for him, sounding so need. A staccato to your moans that makes him ache.

"You should know how much I want you, shouldn't you," He says, a hint of frustration in it "Everybody but you seems to."

Sae pushes into you with a heave. You're tight. Warm and wet and slick - made for him just like he always knew. He groans a little as he pushes the tip in. His hands come up under your knees, folding you in half. He waits for you to stop squirming, rocking himself slowly so that it's easier to fit all of him inside.

With a little effort, he manages. His pelvis up against yours, he gets himself close to you. You moan and he gives you look.

"You don't have to do anything special for me to fuck you like this," He says. It's easy to be honest now "Anything you do is enough."

"I just wanna look nice for you." You complain - so breathless and so struck with want Sae can't even be upset.

"I know. And you do," He grunts as he pulls his hips back, pulling out before pushing all the way back in "I don't hate it. Just for me, okay?"

"You're so bad at bein' honest."

"I'm being honest right now," Sae fucks you hard. A punctuated thrust, hand snaked between your bodies to toy with your clit "Read between the lines."

If Sae were better he'd say what he thinks. That it doesn't matter what clothes you have on because he wants to fuck you within an inch of your life for much less. You do look good in the lingerie, too good, and if you send any pictures to anyone - he's going to block them. One of these days he'll be courageous and make you cum while you wear his jersery. Bounce you on his cock and whisper about what you make him do. It’s unlike him. He doesn’t get it either.

He can't verbalize all of that well, so he takes to what he knows. Takes to using his hips to fuck you hard and fast, rhythmic and deep so you can't keep up. He hopes all of it comes through, that short whispers of “fuck, that's it” do enough to get it to come across.

Sae looks on as your face twists with pleasure. Your walls twitch and you shiver in his arms, nails in his bicep as he plays with you. Fucks you to his hearts content. Your legs over his shoulder, toes curled. Your muscles tense.

"Sae, g-gonna, I'm gonna c-cum."

"Cum for me." He whispers (begs if you listen closely) and you do. You're vibrant and wanton and you've still got your stockings on as your pussy pulses needlessly, arousal dripping down his length and onto the sheets underneath you. Leaving a mess of you on the sheets.

He's not done with you yet, but he slows so you can catch your breath. You open your eyes and giggle.

"You make me feel so good." You praise, easily and naturally like you do everything else. He groans internally, at a loss for words.

Instead of saying anything, he presses a kiss to your hairline and promises.

"Gonna keep going till you get it."

You grin.

"I’ll hold you to that, sir.”

[obsessedtomone]

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 4 - Mistakes▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤ Honestly, what the fuck were you thinking?!

All alarms are going off in your useless excuse of a brain and you start feeling an immense amount of dread seeping into your bones. You need to take this back, right fucking now, or who knows what he’s going to—◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five

Chapter 4 - Mistakes

It was ninety-three MILLION fucking miles away, and somehow, the sun still manages to shine through the blinds and right into your fucking face.

You squint at your phone and then sigh.

150 missed messages from the computer science project group chat, and another eight from Taylor, making you feel more than overwhelmed.  The past one and a half weeks were pretty uneventful. 

You slept, climbed ranks in the holy trinity of Riot Games, worked at your part time job and showed up to your classes for at least half of the time. Despite trying to convince yourself it wasn’t for any reason in particular. You were especially prone to dodging your CS classes, most of them all. 

In short, you’re doing fine. The ‘free’ time you have feels boring and seemingly peaceful. And you couldn’t complain when boring was exactly what you needed—especially since most of your life was anything but. 

That being said, it’s hard to ignore that broken part of your monkey brain that craves the instability and stress you got used to growing up. You feel uncomfortable feeling comfortable, like bugs crawling under your skin and waiting, wanting for the storm to brew, so that you can fuck yourself over, the cycle of self-sabotage going strong as always. Having insane academic goals and working hard towards them helped that aspect of yourself quite a bit, but it still feels like something’s missing.

Something only years of therapy and healthy relationships with people would be able to change.

As the deadline is quickly approaching, it’s finally time to check what the project is about and do your part before your presentation on Wednesday. You glance at the unsaved numbers of three other people you’ve never previously heard of—or cared enough to learn about—being displayed on top of the chat. So you go ahead and save them, knowing you’ll remove them as soon as the presentation is over.

Scrolling down, you notice your group mates freaking out about two of the members—one being you—not sending their part in yet, despite the deadline being around two and a half days away.

Yui(I think?) — What do we do about the others, Ojiro…? :( Guys pls, I seriously don’t wanna do everything by myself.  [Sent 9:13 AM]

Mashirao(jock blondie) — Don’t worry, I’ll call them later today. If they don’t reply by then, we’re on our own I guess. We’ll have to let the professor know. They should know better than to ghost us, honestly. Honors student or not, they’re both dickheads.  [Sent 9:17 AM]

Yui(I think?) — Ahh! Stop! 💀 They can read this too!!!  [Sent 9:25 AM]

Mashirao(jock blondie) — Let them. I’m not afraid of either of them and they should feel ashamed for making us do all the work.  [Sent 10:05 AM]

You can’t help but roll your eyes at their childish hostility.

Wow, first of all, they have absolutely no faith in you. Second of all, are they like, three years old? They’re openly discussing fucking you over in a group chat that you’re literally part of. At least do that shit in your DMs, not in the open where both targets can read them.

And maybe, maybe, if you really thought about it, you know it was sort of fair. You probably are the world’s laziest, biggest procrastinator, but if they knew about your name enough to diss you, they should also know you’d never compromise your grades because you really fucking need this scholarship. 

Besides, you’re not bad at farming credits. Two days of work is more than enough for you to do your part and then some. Deeply flawed individual that you are, but a highly functioning one with a brain good enough to power up whenever you need it to. 

If anything, it’s you who couldn’t understand how these losers needed so much time to figure out their shit, when the material has always been always pretty straight forward (except when the fucking professor is too tired of his life to do his fucking job).

Yui(I think?) — Yeah so… I finally added my part to the shared cloud! If by some miracle the other two see this, you guys have access to the project too! Please please please send it in time, I don’t wanna fail CS this year again maaan ;_; We still have to prepare the talking points together! [Sent 10:30 AM]

You — ill get everything done before the deadline, assholes [Sent 2:14 PM]

You — also pro tip, if you tap the back button on the chat window, look for someone’s name and then open it, you can actually talk shit privately ;)  [Sent 2:14 PM]

Before you close the chat window, you see two rows of angry dot animations ready to cuss you out, no doubt. Too bad you can’t be bothered with irrelevant idiots.

And so you stand up, take a shower—the first one in a couple of days—and mentally prepare yourself for two weeks worth of work, squeezed into a one all-nighter and a half.

After all, in stress, you thrive.

─────────

Thud –

After dropping your bag next to your desk, you slide in your seat. You’re petty as fuck when you do, because of course you have to pick the seat that is right beside him. 

Your favorite neighbor’s white haired head is buried in his arms, laying against his desk and probably taking a goddamn nap.

This motherfucker.

The two week creep-detox did fucking nothing for you, because you notice your disdain for him is still as fresh as it was the night at the convenience store—if not stronger. 

Not only did this asshole not fucking reply to your group in time (like you fucking did), but he also didn’t contribute to your project whatso-fucking-ever. In fact, he’d never even read any of the chat messages. 

God are you fucking pissed at him. Beyond pissed, you’re fuming—because who else would’ve done his fucking part if it wasn’t for you? Not even! You’ve done your part, his part and then on top of everything, you had to fucking fix everyone else’s too!

Incompetent fuckers! All of them!

It bothers you so much because you really do feel like you were getting walked all over, but at least it shut those two clowns up and that was enough motivation for you to get the job done. That, and the ridiculous grades you need to get for you to keep your stupid fucking scholarship rolling every year.

You sigh, staring at the mop of white hair next to you, wishing you had superpowers so you could burn a hole through his head and melt his brain off. 

That being said, there’s two ‘interesting’ things you've found out about him during this annoying ass group project, first one being that the asshole’s name was Shigaraki fucking Tomura.

The Shigaraki Tomura.

You’d heard about his infamy over the years—never being able to put a face to the name—but nothing came even close to the stories Taylor began telling you about him. ‘Like girl, do you live under a fucking rock?!’ is what your friend asked in an extremely dramatic tone before setting off on spilling the ‘tea’ for your ‘uncultured ass’—whatever the fuck that means.

The second interesting thing you’ve found out is, that the mystery white-haired slacker isn’t just a random incel loser, who gets off on paying for strangers’ energy drinks, but also seems to be a serious anti-social, borderline criminal individual.

According to the stories, he’s now been in court more times than you can count, charged with various offenses that range from physical violence, assault, theft, vandalism, drug-related charges, to more minor ones such as trespassing and public disturbances—all of ‘em either involving students or straight up gang members. Shit you’d normally hear about from the news or in movies.

He’s friends with a bunch of other convicted criminal misfits, seems to have spent—like you—a few months in juvie and people swear he’s not all talk when he threatens to beat the shit out of you, never discriminating between genders. You’re pretty sure that this wasn’t what women fought for when they said feminism.

That alone begged the question if he was really gonna make good on the promise to fuck you up, last time you bothered him. What if you kept pestering him further? 

Thinking about it leaves your mouth dry.

There’s a reason as to why he’d managed to get out of every court case with nothing more than misdemeanors. That reason came in the shape of his daddy’s wealth and connections, a convenient ‘get out of jail free’ card and something normal people (you) could never afford. Which is why your criminal record was now forever tainted. 

A true show of society’s totally unbiased conduct towards the mighty upper class, you suppose.

But it doesn’t fucking matter what his past was like, you quickly decide, if for your own sanity. It also doesn’t matter if you can relate to the shitty overblown rumors that are circulating around. Or the fact that the two of you share so many similarities. 

What really matters now, is that he’s actively trying to jeopardize your perfect score sheet—and by extension, your scholarship—by not stepping up and contributing to the project. And you couldn’t let that slide.

Shigaraki continues resting on his desk, occasionally scratching the top of his head and yawning while not paying you any mind.

You bite the skin off of your lip anxiously, unable to wait and teach this entitled little asshole a fucking lesson for messing with you.

─────────

Time passes and it’s finally your group’s turn. 

All of you gather in front of the lecture hall—well, all of you, save for Mr. Creep in the back corner of the room, who’s still hunched over and scrolling his phone.

If the rare upturned corners of your lips is something to go by, you’re in for some serious mischief today.

The professor opens up with a brief introduction to your project in front of the many bored students, and your group finally starts presenting. It all goes well except for the fact that, despite your age, you have this incredible stage fright. 

On paper, nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has their weaknesses, right? But in reality, your hands are shaking uncontrollably, your voice is trembling involuntarily and you mess up most of your speaking turn, feeling like a complete fucking idiot. 

It gets worse the moment you realize that somewhere along the presentation, a pair of piercing red eyes began studying you incessantly. His sudden attention on you makes your body sweat about three times the amount everyone else’s would combined. It’s insanely jarring, in the worst fucking sense. You scoff, thinking that he might as well have pinned you to the wall. 

It’s like he knows you’re up to some bullshit. Like he could smell it. There’s no way he actually could, but the tiny guilty part of your lizard brain isn’t able to comprehend that right now, not when it feels like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Fuck him.

You steel your flimsy resolve and you try to recover your composure as much as you can, doing your best to make-believe you’re in a nice, quiet place where you could feel at peace (maybe at his funeral) and you somehow make it to the end of your stupid speaking part.

It’s easy to tell how utterly embarrassed your group mates are with your awful presentation, as their parts are much more animated, smoother and definitely confident in comparison—no students snorting or snickering at their desk neighbors during the time they presented. 

But it doesn’t particularly bother you aside from a slight hit to your ego, because you know this professor will read the documentation and ultimately see the amount of work you’d put into the written part of the project. Your shitty teammates could glare at you all they wanted, but you did more than half of the fucking project on your own and that would lead to one thing only—a great fucking score. 

Who needs social skills—not that you were blessed with any—when your future job will probably only require you to sit behind a screen most of the day? That’s something you’re already really fucking good at, to a detrimental point. It’s a real miracle that you made it so far in life without your vision getting much worse than it already is.

“Very good,” the professor says simply.

He begins praising the sturdiness of the project, mentioning your name and making you cringe when he inevitably points out the bumpy part—your bumpy part—of the presentation. Overall, he seems quite impressed with the quality and the execution and promises to email everyone their scores once he’s done correcting them.

“However,” you hear him talk again, his following sentence filling you with unbridled giddiness, “I seem to notice you’re missing a member of your group?” The professor trails off with a furrowed brow as he stares at his notes. “I’m positive I’ve assigned everyone four people, except for the previous group who was the only exception in this class. Your project however, only mentions the three of you. Why is that?” 

He flips through the papers and checks on his barely-working laptop as well, checking for something akin to an error on his part.

“No, you are correct, sir,” you chime in mischievously, “Mr. Shigaraki over there—” you speak up and your eyes meet his unexpectedly focused ones.

His expression seems to turn into one of intrigue, maybe at the prospect of your little scheme. He’s definitely sitting a little straighter than before. Listening. As if this class finally became interesting to him, opposed to almost falling asleep in his chair earlier.

You clear your throat after feeling it contract with a pang of anxiety and continue, “—decided that we weren’t worth his precious time, and sadly did not contribute to our project whatsoever.” You finish your sentence while glancing at your fingernails before completely throwing him under the bus. “In fact he dumped all of his work on us and decided to not communicate. I—um, we thought it was for the best that he shouldn’t take credit over all of our weeks of hard work, sir.”

You almost slipped up, but managed to recover—and then you notice how the other two NPCs in your group stare at you in horror.

Despite tactically lumping them in with you, to save you from getting in potential trouble, they did in fact not know or have any say in your decision to leave Shigaraki out—not that you cared to ask for their worthless opinions anyway. They should be happy for the free full marks that you’re confident they wouldn’t have gotten without your help.

A sly smile begins spreading on your face. 

This was it. Fuck him, his stupid mug and his shitty attitude.

Checkmate, Shigaraki, you muse to yourself, smirking and gauging the reaction of the professor who seems to be deep in thought for a moment.

When you look back at Shigaraki to check how he’s faring—

You feel literal chills running down your spine.

He’s simply… smiling at you.

A wide, creepy and weirdly calculating smile.

A smile that tells you, you’re in trouble.

Like a bucket of ice dropping over your head, you just grasp the weight of your mistake. The reason your classmates stared at you in disbelief. The reason the whole room of people stared at you in disbelief.

He is a rich trust fund kid who, according to the rumors, has a background consisting of only unpunished violence and very fucking little to lose. You are a lower class student, who fucked with him knowing the horrible stories that circled around him.

So why was it again that you decided to not believe he was capable of retaliating, even when you’d found out most students avoided him like the plague? Did you think he would be as pathetic and powerless as you were? Are you projecting again?

Honestly, what the fuck were you thinking?!

All alarms are going off in your useless excuse of a brain and you start feeling an immense amount of dread seeping into your bones. You need to take this back, right fucking now, or who knows what he’s going to—

“I see,” the professor interrupts your train of thought, scratching the stubble on his chin thoughtfully before speaking again, “To be honest with you, I’m considering disqualifying your group’s entire project, for the simple fact that the bunch of you made such a hasty decision, and did not think of consulting with me first to find a solution.”

You feel your gut twist even harder and your two classmates are now rightfully glaring daggers at you.

“I will however opt to only cut your score by twenty percent, because it really is an outstanding project, but I expect this to serve as a reminder that I—do not—tolerate insubordination, and this instance is not to be repeated by any of you.” The professor looks at your group, then at Shigaraki himself. “Have I made myself properly understood?”

You feel shame burn your cheeks red as you nod before the figure of authority, but the boy in the back wasn’t listening anymore.

It was as if the rest of the world—save for the two of you—ceased to exist at that moment.

[osangue]

i don't think i've ever felt so hopeless in being unlovable. i'm so ashamed of how i look that i've spent four years hiding from everyone. everyone in my collective took a polaroid together at the park armory where we had a film screen and the hugs and smiles made me feel like a ghost. the pandemic turned me agoraphobic and i kept myself alive thru emotional eating. i've became a sponge for everyone's suffering in my family and i'm tired of carrying and soaking it up. it's made me so depressed. for the first time i feel like it's not worth being creative and i've never lost that light in particular, that match has never gone out. i don't feel i have anything worthy of saying in the middle of the times i feel like i've wasted my life and i'm too deep in the hole to ever crawl out of it. i keep making breakfast and thinking of these lives you hear about where the persons are shut ins like in japan and it's like yeah maybe no one will see me in person ever again except my dog. i feel so damaged and fucked up and ugly. i think if anyone wanted to touch me i would auto feel like so disgusted by it but wow my timeline has been nothing but BL gifs of men kissing passionately and it just feels like that's past for me. i finally applied for healthcare after being without for like 5 years just because i want the fucking ozempic idc anymore. my sister n her gf are skinny now because of it and i just will begin exhausting myself at the gym while im in san salvador idk hate that gay men are fascists about bodies but it just doesn't feel like i have another choice but to make that deal with the devil. the last time i got a massage i like quietly cried face down because it had been so long since someone touched me. i've felt like such a ghost that it completely felt crazy to have someone's warmth like that. it fucked me up. i saw photos of myself in peak eating dis0rder as a teen and wow idk if my brain will ever get over that upbringing n the immense self hatred. sayr3 went to see the film expecting to run into me. the place paid my flight n hotel n gave me a stipend n i chose not to go because i just don't want to be seen. i feel like my appearance is an afront to others. it feels like that. im dreading living with kenia now that it's closer like what if my mental illness swallows the shared house. idk i guess i invited her to colive because otherwise i probably would ooooofff myself if i had the house ONLY to myself. i think i just need to cry the entire first week i get there. am i meant to just suffer like if men aren't assaulting me, it's them fetishizing me or never asking me for my needs in bed idk sex is so disgusting to me now. it just seems like violence n like someone using me idk i keep joking its femcel fall but it's just adjacent like im just too traumatized for connection at this point. way too traumatized. the fka twigs album is going to destroy me, but it's not much hope. i just cna't be body positive about own self. it's just impossible. i actually get angry when ppl preach that shit to me like it seems so delusional and stupid.

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

alphabet boy

SYNOPSIS: You should feel extremely lucky that the handsome and intelligent Armin Arlert is your tutor...even when he's a little mean to you. Because that's your fault, isn't it? He wouldn't have to be mean if you weren't so damn stupid.

PAIRING: Armin x FEM!Reader

DEDICATED TO: armin fuckers. non armin fuckers, i hope i can convert you.

TW: dubcon touching, manipulative behavior, gaslighting, academia shaming,

WC: 1.8k

“Maybe you’re not cut out for this class.”

He said it so casually, a comment spoken between the flip of textbook pages. You couldn’t shake off the undeniable hurt.

“I-Uhm, uh, yeah I have to study a lot...but I like this class. It was a pain to get off the waitlist.” You keep your voice optimistic and light, hoping to mask the offense taken.

You don’t know why Armin would say that, but maybe he was just being logical...he’s seen you struggle, of course, he’d think the class was too hard for you.

The blond sighs, closing his novel that he brought with him while he waited for you to finish your practice problems.

“You can barely keep up with the weekly homework assignments. You didn’t even hand in your assignment last week, right? Better drop out now before the add and drop deadline.” His voice is soft and cold at the same time. It’s unnerving.

You tuck your hair behind your ears, eyes set low, too ashamed to meet your tutor’s. Armin had been your tutor for the past few weeks now, and you thought it was going pretty well. He was so so smart that you couldn’t help but be a little starstruck. He was handsome too, short-cropped blond hair, wide blue eyes, with a wardrobe that was composed of slacks and sweaters.

Usually, he was always overly polite and charming. You could make countless mistakes and his patience was endless. He had some off-days where he was a little withdrawn and quiet. You never held it against him though, knowing he had no obligation to make idle chatter. But sometimes, you could feel his chilly gaze watching you even though he had a book propped open.

“I emailed the professor, he was really chill about it. Last week was really rough for me, you know? I wasn’t feeling well and...”

“You know excuses don’t fly in the real world right? You’re in college now. Professor Ackerman was just being courteous. He probably thinks you’re lazy.” Even though you try not to look at him, you can feel Armin’s azure blues burn holes into you. There was this quiet intensity about him that made you worry about when the restraints would come off.

Armin can’t help but let condescension drip over his words. Any self-respecting person would defend themselves, but not you. Not when you’re already broken by your own insecurities that make it that much easier for him to trample on.

He can already see pearly-sheened tears leaking from the corner of your hopeless eyes. How cute. You part your pretty little mouth to say something, but no words come out. You close your mouth soon enough, looking every bit like a dumb little airhead.

So he continues: “You know your classmates learned all the first few chapters from high school right? You’re the only one starting fresh.” He moves closer, elbows inching closer to infiltrate your little personal-space bubble, knees knocking into yours under the desk.

More tears form under your lower lashes, and Armin mentally counts the crystal droplets. You’re recoiling into yourself like a shrinking violet which only encourages Armin to go just a little farther.

“You don’t even have your major picked out yet. This is a core class for your classmates, you know. You’re wasting your-no, everyone’s time.”

Not wanting to cry in front of your tutor, you rub your eyes with the sleeve of your jacket, fully aware of how utterly pathetic you look right now.

In a small voice, you manage to utter, “I have a right...to be in this class. Even though I’m slow now, I think with some decent amount of studying...I’ll catch up. Even if I’m not-” you take a deep breath, “as quick as my classmates, I still really enjoy what I learn. And..and...I think at the end of the day, that’s what really matters!”

Armin scoffs, “Do you really like the class or are you staying for Ackerman? God knows how many fangirls he’s had to put up with.”

Even as he spoke those words, Armin knew it wasn’t entirely true. You admired the man zealously and had read all of his published papers. Honestly, your admiration had always annoyed him.

You wince at the insinuation but you could feel the anger simmering in your gut, “You have no right to imply that! Wh-why-” Your voice breaks, “are you being so mean?”

Armin thinks you’re so cute, the way you jut out your bottom lip. So cute and pathetic. The corners of his lips quirk upwards. It’s almost endearing how you say “mean” like it’s the worst thing a person can be.

“Am I being mean or am I being realistic?” The blond coos, “I’m your tutor, right? I know the best for you.”

He takes your silence as an invitation to goad you harder: “You’re only upset because I’m telling you what you don’t want to hear.”

You don’t notice the proximity until Armin lays his hand over yours, squeezing the soft flesh of your palms. His voice is gentle as he reassures you: “Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

He made you cry, but you don’t have it in you to pull away from the only semblance of comfort given to you. His chair scrapes the floor as he sets it right beside yours, wrapping an arm around you, encouraging you to lean your head against his shoulder.

It’s a little sad but this is probably the most physical contact you’ve gotten in a while. You’re an utter mess, and on top of all that, touch-starved.

You’re still sniffling like a crybaby, trying to sort your own emotions out. You take a few deep breaths and force yourself to face the facts:

You’re behind.

The class is too much work for you.

Armin’s right, you’re upset because he’s telling you what you don’t want to hear.

“D-do you really think I should drop the class?” Your voice is so defeated, a pinch louder than a whisper.

His long fingers play with the ends of your hair, “I know this class is really important to you and we both want you to do well...so why don’t we increase our tutoring sessions? Maybe we should meet three times a week.”

He smiles at you, and it looks so genuine. You’re immensely grateful, you are, but confusion washes over you, “Wow, Uh, that’ll be great actually but um, uni tutoring services is once a week...so-”

Armin dismisses your concerns with a gentle wave of his hands, “Don’t worry, It’ll be off the books. Think of this as private tutoring. Of course, we’ll have to start meeting in my room from now on.”

While he doesn’t elaborate on why you have to meet in his dorm, you assume Armin has a good reason and it probably involves university-sanctioned student-tutor guidelines.

You’re stammering out thank-you’s, still trying to rub the tears out of your eyes until you feel a soft handkerchief wiping them away.

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” He reassures, “Don’t use your sleeve. It’s too rough for your pretty face.”

You blush under his words, wide eyes locked into his oceanic blues, “I d-don’t know if I’ll be able to compensate you f-for the private tutoring.”

His eyebrows crease as he gives you a smile full of pearly teeth, “You don’t have to worry about that for now.” His hands graze over your knuckles, “We’ll figure something out.”

“Thank you Armin.” You say it so sincerely, trying to muster the biggest smile you can after the blond essentially trampled over your self-esteem to only nurse it back with sweet promises.

“Well, we better finish today’s work then.” He responds calmly, not bothering to detangle himself from you. You can feel his body heat radiating onto you, and how his hand moved to casually rest on your thigh. But that’s normal right? If you think about it, Armin was not exactly adverse to touch. During your past tutoring sessions, his hand would always be on the small of your back or shoulders.

“Hey, you’re not getting distracted again, are you?” His voice is playful like he isn’t sliding his hand up and down the span of skin between your skirt and tights. When you don't respond, he pinches your inner thigh, eliciting a startled gasp from you.

"Focus." It's a demand so it must be followed.

Embarrassed, you nod your head and return your focus to the problem sets even though your hands are shaky as you grip the ballpoint pen.

You don’t notice how the blond’s eyes gleam under the fluorescent lighting at your easy compliance. He’s always liked obedient girls.

Your thighs are growing warmer, and it doesn’t help to have Armin peering over you. Still, you try your best to lull yourself to focus until a ringtone breaks your concentration.

Armin breaks away from you to find his phone and you find your body subconsciously missing the warmth. He lightly curses under his breath once he sees the contact name, but answers nonetheless.

“Yeah...sorry babe. I forgot. I’ll be right over.” He sounds apologetic but he looks downright bored.

And like that, the call is over. He looks over at you with an apology falling from his lips, “Sorry about that. I forgot I had something to do today. We’ll end early.”

Your throat is dry as you ask, “Was that your girlfriend?” You regretted your words the moment they escaped. That was none of your business. It doesn’t matter if he was holding you earlier. He was doing so because you were bawling like a baby. But why did he touch your thighs?

That doesn’t have to mean anything, you rationalize. Besides, Armin would never make a move on you. He was a handsome senior with a perfect GPA and a powerful position in the student government. Stupid freshman girls like you are not worth the time he so generously gives out.

The blond smirks, seeming to notice your internal struggle, “Something like that. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure she won’t distract me from our future sessions.”

That was a puzzling comment. His girlfriend supposedly distracting from your study time wasn’t even a concern you held.

“No, no, that’s ok.” You quickly assure, “You’ve already helped me out so much.”

The blond pats the top of your head like you were a puppy, “I’d do anything for my cute little student.”

The way your face heats up with a dark blush should be criminal. All he did was pat your head, and you’re looking at him starry-eyed like he didn’t grope your thighs under the table. Honestly, all your cute little blubbering had gone straight to his cock. Annie would have to handle his big problem.

These private sessions are going to be fun.

part I ---- complete

[kimvvantae]

puzzle; 8 (FINAL)

➜  you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex

rating: 18+

word count: 16k

A/N: finally the last chapter! i am actually feeling very emotional right now. i enjoyed writing puzzle so much and it received so much love since the beginning! your feedback always kept me motivated to write. thank you so much to everyone that followed these two dorks and waited patiently for every update. i hope we can meet again in future works! 

hmmm, a little rec?? but i listened to sweet night by taehyung as i wrote this chapter. maybe listening to it will enhance your experience too!

enjoy!

➜  Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

You don’t know how long it has been until Taehyung finds you.

It’s cold. The tears have finally come to a halt, but you’re still sobbing and sniffling. You should probably get up and go home. It’s late. Not safe to be alone on the street like this. You should probably call an uber or something. 

Yet, every time you think of Jungkook’s tears, it seems that your own eyes well up with tears all over again.

What makes you snap back into reality is the sound of shoes walking down the stairs.

You get up in a jump, feeling your legs ache in the process, and turn around to see the person you least expected to see right now. Taehyung stops some steps ahead. The light pole behind him marks his silhouette with a halo.

“I finally found you,” he says after a few seconds. He sounds hesitant but somehow relieved. 

It makes your heart clench even more.

You make an immense effort to speak, as if words ran over inside your throat and made it stuck. Well, they did, in a sense.

“Taehyung, w-what…?” is all you can stutter. You don’t really need to finish the sentence. What are you doing here? Why did you come after me even though I hurt you?

He looks down and caresses the back of his neck. You notice that he’s nervously fiddling with his car keys on the other hand. Oh. He probably didn’t want to be around you, either.

“Well, you ran away down the street like that. I got worried.”

You shouldn’t.

“It’s… not safe to be by yourself on the street like this. I’m taking you home.”

Please, don’t be kind to me. 

It will be much harder if you’re being kind to me.

“Taehyung, I…” you feel yourself squeezing your purse against you, just as nervous as he is. You don’t want to bother him with your presence anymore. “I was about to call an uber. You don’t need to…”

“It’s alright. I’m already here anyway.” He starts to walk up the stairs again without looking back. Without giving you a chance to disagree. “Let’s go.”

It seems that your legs forgot how to walk as you watch him. You don’t want to get inside his car. You don’t want to face him, not right now. 

When Taehyung reaches the top of the stair alley, he finally looks back at you in silence. 

That’s when you realize that you have to face him. You were never one to run away from the consequences of your actions.

The newest consequence is staring back at you in quiet sadness.

You inhale deeply before going after him.

An awful silence hovers in the air during the entire ride home.

You can’t help but shrink on the passenger’s seat, hugging your own arms tight, your head leaning on the window. Taehyung does not make any attempt to engage a conversation. His presence is suffocating.

Something cold sets in your stomach when he parks the car in front of your apartment’s building. There’s nothing out there to distract you anymore. Nowhere else to run to.

You inhale again.

“Thank you.” you say softly. 

Taehyung doesn’t say anything as he rests his hands on his lap. You watch him intently as he gulps, his eyes glued in something ahead.

“So.” He starts, his voice as low as yours. This is painful. It was never your intention to put him in that situation, never. “I don’t want to take a drunk man seriously.”

It’s your turn to gulp. You really really don’t want to explain everything to him in detail. “Mike is a son of a bitch. He got it all wrong.”

“It seems that he got one thing right, though. Judging by Jungkook’s reaction.”

It’s getting difficult to breathe again.

Taehyung turns his head slowly to look at you.

“Are you guys…?”

You honestly feel like jumping out the window, but your feelings for Taehyung make you stay still. He’s a kind friend. He deserves to hear it clearly.

So you take a deep breath before speaking.

“Jungkook and I, we… we were never a real thing. Not really.” It hurts to say this out loud. It seems that you can still hear his broken voice…

There was never anything real happening, right? We were never real.

“B-But recently I realized that I have feelings for him.”

Taehyung nods slowly and sinks on the driver's seat. He rests his chin on his hand, letting a shaky deep breath out.

“Why did you call me today, then?”

“To tell you the truth.”

He gasps softly and shakes his head again. Taehyung has completely broken eye contact with you and his body language looks protective - building an almost visible wall between you and him in seconds.

“Wow. It seems that I was the one who got it all wrong.”

You feel like touching him to give him even a little bit of comfort, yet you know that you’re his main discomfort in the moment. You turn your body in his direction, pleading.

“Taehyung, it wasn’t meant to happen this way. I didn’t want to hurt you, not at all. I know that an apology won't be enough...”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He cuts you. His voice sounds strange, so different from how he has ever talked to you. He’s very quiet, but you can feel the anger and hurt lying underneath. “We never had anything anyway. I was the delusional one here.”

No, not again. You don’t think you can take more guilt for one night. You didn’t just delude him going on that date; you deluded him every time you talked, every time you texted each other. Taehyung saw something more when there was nothing at all - he felt something more, and you were too confused with your own feelings for Jungkook to notice what you were doing.

“Taehyung…”

“I’m feeling very ashamed right now.” He admits with a shaky exhale. “Could you…?”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, but you know very well what he meant. Leave.

You nod and open the door into the cold night. You still stand there on the sidewalk hesitantly for a few seconds before whispering a shy “I’m sorry”. Taehyung doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even look your way.

When you shut the door, you know very well that from now on, your friendship with Taehyung is also shut. 

You’ll miss him really bad.

It feels like you can barely carry the weight of your own body as you slowly make your way to your apartment - which is weird, because you feel empty right now. 

Your apartment isn’t as empty as you expected when you open the door, though. Seulgi is standing on the kitchen counter and she smiles wide when she sees you. She looks excited in a way she hasn’t been in months; it seems that she’s about to say something.

Her smile dies as she sees your puffy face and your red nose and eyes. 

“Y/N, what happened…?”

For some reason, when you look at her, you start crying again.

Seulgi wides her eyes and runs to where you’re standing, shocked and confused - probably because you have never cried in front of her yet. Never. 

“Oh my God, Y/N! What happened?!”

You can’t answer because the sobs won’t let you. You can just rest your face on Seulgi’s shoulder as she hugs you, patting your back. She is so confused that she can’t really think of anything else to do.

After a few minutes of restless crying, Seulgi manages to lead you to sit on the couch and runs back to the kitchen to take a glass of water. She sits by your side and hands you the glass, caressing your hair sweetly.

“Can you talk now, babe? What happened?” She asks again quietly as you try to drink a little bit of water.

You wipe the tears away once again and sniff. This place reminds you of him way too much. It feels that he belongs here, even though it’s not his home. And maybe… maybe he won’t ever step inside, ever again.

“I-It’s J-Jungkook.” it’s hard to speak between the sobs.

“Did you guys fight?” You nod weakly. “Was it that bad?”

Yes. Yes, it was.

After months of pretending, you finally open up to Seulgi. There’s no reason to keep this from her anymore. After Mike’s scandal, that’s probably everything the whole campus will be talking about in the next few days (you saw a lot of familiar faces at the bar).

It seems that Seulgi’s eyes will pop out of her face as you speak.

She stares at you, jaw dropped in pure shock.

“You and Jungkook what?!” is the first thing she exclaims. “Since when?!”

You rest your back on the couch and gaze at the ceiling. The sobs have finally stopped, at least. “Do you remember when I broke up with Mike? When we went to that club?”

“Yes, and you spent the night out…” Seulgi trails off as realization hits her. She stares at you as if you’ve grown a second head. “That guy you were talking about was Jungkook?!”

You just nod.

Seulgi gasps and rests her back on the couch right by your side, your arms touching. She’s speechless for a while.

“But, like… how many times?”

“I don’t know.” She gasps again.

“That many times?”

You nod. “It was almost daily at some point.”

It seems that she can’t close her jaw anymore. “Where?”

“Here. His apartment. His car.” You frown. “Sometimes a cheap hotel downtown, when you and Jimin were both home.”

Seulgi stays quiet for a little longer.

You side eye her. “You didn’t suspect?”

She shakes her head slowly. “I thought you guys were acting strange for a while now, but I never thought this was going on.” She looks back at you. “Did someone know?”

“Jimin caught us once.” you decide to omit where he caught you. It’s embarrassing to say that you fucked inside Joy’s bathroom out loud and it makes you feel even worse. “But he promised to not tell anyone."

Back to silence. You can almost hear the engines inside Seulgi’s brain trying to process everything you just told her.

“But why did you guys fight?”

You take a deep breath before telling her the rest. Taehyung, Joy, Mike, Yeri. It’s quite painful to explain, but it’s also relieving.

If you thought Seulgi looked shocked before, now it looks like she just found out that Santa is real.

She completely turns her body in your direction, eyes super wide. “Do you like Jungkook?”

You nod softly, staring at your own fingers.

“It’s more than just liking him.” You admit sheepishly.

Then she’s quiet for a long, long time. You decide to finally look up at her.

Now you’re surprised.

“Why the hell are you smiling?”

Seulgi hides her mouth with both hands - as if this wouldn’t let you see the big ass grin on her lips. “I’m sorry. It’s… it’s cute.”

“Cute?” you quirk one eyebrow. “My suffering is cute to you?”

“That’s not what I mean.” she waves her hand dismissively. “I always kind of shipped you two, okay? It’s just that you two looked really good together and you always had such good chemistry and all. But I tried to stop thinking this because, you know, I thought it was wrong to assume that a man and a woman can’t be just friends… and it never looked like you had feelings for him, not at all.”

You stare at her as if she has a second head growing now. “You shipped us?”

“You can’t judge me.”

You cross your arms and sink on the couch even more. This is kind of shocking. “You never thought I liked him?”

Seulgi shakes her head. “Never. Jungkook, though…”

You turn your head to look at her so fast that your neck almost breaks. “What about him?”

She hesitates a little bit before speaking. “Well, sometimes… sometimes I caught him looking at you in some type of way.” 

There it is again. The fast beating of your heart. It’s ridiculous that, even though you’re this miserable, you still feel this spark of happiness inside of you. 

For fuck’s sake, Y/N! I’m in love with you!

You press your lips tight in an attempt to hold back the uninvited smile. It’s not appropriate to feel happy now; it feels that you don’t even have the right to feel happy at all. But his confession is hitting you just now. Hitting you like a truck. 

God, if only you could go back in time. If only you could just make him shut the fuck up and listen to you. Why did he have to be so damn dramatic? 

I love you too, dumbass! Now stop being a cry baby and kiss me!

What if Jungkook never gives you a chance to explain yourself? He can be hard-headed when he wants to. What if Jungkook never lets you get close to him again, what if your intimacy finally dies, what if you get so distant that when you’re in the same room you can’t bear each other’s presence anymore? What if from now on, there won’t be any Jungkook to steal your fries when you’re not looking, or to let you steal his clothes even though he pretends he doesn’t know you’re taking them, or to help you understand a difficult assignment, or to annoy you because he’s bored at 4AM, or to tell you the things no one else would be brave enough to tell you or to just be there when you needed someone the most?

Your brain can’t even comprehend what life without Jungkook is.

A mix of despair and hurry makes you get up in a jump.

“I’m going to his apartment.” Your breath is irregular, adrenaline taking control of your actions. “I-I need to talk to him now.”

“Hey, hey!” Seulgi gets up in a jump and puts her hands on your shoulders, forcing you to stop. “Y/N, you’re not okay. And you said Jungkook is drunk. Do you really think you’ll manage to have a civilized conversation right now? He’s probably still angry, maybe he won’t even listen to you.”

“I don’t care. I’ll shout on his door until he listens to me.”

Seulgi holds you in place again when you try to free yourself from her grip. “This is not a good idea and you know it.” She looks at you very seriously. “Take a shower, Y/N. Go to sleep. Tomorrow you’ll both be cold-headed and able to talk.”

“B-But,” you feel the tears coming back. Fuck. You hold Seulgi’s arms weakly. “But he needs to know the truth. He needs to know I like him back.”

The black-haired girl frowns. “Like him back…?”

You nod and look down. “He… he said that he’s in love with me.”

“Really?!” Seulgi huffs and taps your forehead lightly. “Then why are you so desperate?! He loves you back, dummy!”

“But I’m scared, Seulgi.” You sniff.

She rolls her eyes and pushes you into another hug. “Everything will be okay, Y/N. There’s no need to be worried. You already know the most important. Tomorrow you go talk to him, alright?” She chuckles softly. “Never thought I’d see you acting like this.”

You sniff again. “Now you understand how it is to deal with a stupid lovesick roommate.”

“Ouch.” You notice how she pats your back a bit aggressively. “But for real, Y/N… I’ll always be thankful for what you did today to me and Irene. Even though it was none of your business. And I’ll probably beat you up if you ever intervene in my life like that again-”

“Wow, I really see how you’re thankful, Seul.” She chuckles again.

"And I'm kind of offended that you hid this from me for so long."

"We promised we wouldn't tell anyone about this!"

"Alright, alright." She sighs. “I love you so much, you crackhead. And Jungkook loves you, too. You don’t need to be sad anymore, okay? Just take a shower and go to sleep now.”

You nod weakly.

Maybe she’s right. You’ll have enough time to talk to him tomorrow.

But you don’t think you’ll get any sleep right now.

***

[you]: jungkook

[you]: can we talk?

[you]: we really really need to talk

[you]: can i go to your place?

[you]: please

[you]: i know you’re reading 

[you]: stop ignoring me

[you]: jungkook

[you]: JUNGKOOK

You sigh heavily. This is so frustrating. He didn’t even leave you on read - you’re sure he’s just reading the texts on the notifications and swiping them away. He didn’t block your number, which is a good sign, but this is already getting on your nerves. You’ve been texting since early in the morning (because you couldn’t sleep) and it’s already 5PM.

“He’s ignoring my texts.” You whine to Seulgi as you enter the living room. 

“You said he had things to do today, right? Maybe he’s actually busy.” She says as she checks her makeup on the mirror. It’s been a long time since you saw her getting all pretty like this; she did her nails, made curls on her hair, put on that green skirt she bought months ago but never wore it. This is what being happy and in love looks like. Pretty, well-dressed, nice hair, healthy skin and all.

Meanwhile, your hair looks like a bird nest, you’re wearing the ugly Naruto t-shirt you have since middle school, your entire face is swollen and you have bags under your eyes. This is also what being in love looks like, unfortunately.

“Why don’t you just go to his apartment already?”

“You told me not to do it.”

“I told you not to do it yesterday. Today he’s not drunk anymore.”

You cross your arms. “I’m… I’m still kind of nervous.”

Seulgi turns around and looks at you and quirks her eyebrow. There’s the ghost of a smirk on her lips. “I never thought I’d see you nervous because of anyone. You look like a teenager��”

"I swear to God, if you say that you think I look cute one more time I'll fucking kill you."

Seulgi laughs and runs to you again, putting her hands on your shoulders. "Y/N, do you remember how you were always telling me that I was complicating simple things?"

"Yes."

She lifts her eyebrows. "So."

You roll your eyes and huff. "But it's not that easy!"

"Now you understand how I felt, huh?" Her eyes soften again. "For real, though. If you show up at his door he won't ignore you, I'm sure. Just go."

You sigh again and nod. "You're right. Just… let me build some courage, okay?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" She looks a bit worried. "I could go out with Irene another day."

"No, no. Go on your date." You wave your hands. "I'm not gonna die. Also, your pussy must be dusty after so long-"

She smacks your shoulder a bit too strongly as you let yourself laugh for the first time today. 

When Seulgi leaves, you still stand in the middle of the living room for a good while. Like a Sim whose action has just been cancelled.

Whoever is playing you is really evil for putting all the wrong people in the wrong places past night.

You know that you’re not being rational. You should have gone to his house a long time ago… but something holds you back. Perhaps because now there’s no turning back. You know what you feel for Jungkook and you know what he feels for you - your relationship got completely out of its comfort zone, and now you can’t even pretend anymore. Things won’t ever be the same. 

Maybe Jungkook is ignoring you because he’s embarrassed of what Mike did. He basically exposed you two in front of his friends. Sure, that’s none of no one’s business, but still… Jungkook didn’t want anyone to know about it in the first place.

You stare at your phone for a good while. Your reflection on the phone’s screen stares back at you in disgust.

For the hundredth time today, you unlock it and open Jungkook’s number. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard hesitantly.

[you]: jungkook i know youre mad at me and you have all the rights to be but

You frown and delete the text. It doesn’t sound good.

[you]: can you stop being dramatic and just text me back already?

You feel tempted to send this one, but if Jungkook’s angry, this will only make the situation worse. You sigh and try again one more time

[you]: i just really want to talk. you didnt let me speak last night. i know youre probably busy but please. i wont take much of your time

This one sounds about right. You tap the send button.

Then, your fingers mindlessly type one more text. It makes your heart beat fast just looking at it.

[you]: i love you too

You want to send this one so bad.

But you don’t.

Because this isn’t something to be told by text.

Coward! the angry voice of your consciousness yells in your mind. Stop being a coward! You’re an evolved human being, not a stupid teenager! Get this ass up the couch and go meet him!

You get up in a jump.

“I’m not a coward!” you say out loud. If you weren’t this out of your mind, you would have noticed how stupid it was to scream encouraging words by yourself in the living room.

But you don’t care right now.

You don’t care that your face is all puffy and the dark circles around your eyes make you look like a raccoon. You don’t care that you’re wearing your ulgy Naruto t-shirt with old ketchup stains, and you don’t care that you’re wearing the sweatpants that fall down your butt as you walk, and you don’t care that your hair looks like a living animal.

You just straight out leave your home and march to his. Flip flops and all.

Your heart beats at a stupid race as you walk, the sun already disappearing behind the buildings. The anxious part of your brain keeps reminding you that you don’t know what to say when you meet him and you don’t know what his reaction will be, but you shut this whiny voice up. Being with Jungkook always meant that you didn’t have to think a lot in the first place. Being with him is natural, it takes no effort. When you see him you’ll know what to say. You’re sure.

Yet, you can’t help but feel more and more nervous as you enter his apartment building (you never needed to ask permission to enter). You close your hands in fists, gulp multiple times, your heartbeat sounds like drums on your ears.

Your hand hovers over the door.

“Shit,” you whisper to yourself. It’s real. It’s happening. Come on. Don’t be a coward.

After taking one more deep breath, you finally knock on the door.

There’s noise inside. Steps. Fuck, you’re shaking.

You hear the sound of the door unlocking and you hold your breath ready to face him-

Jimin.

He widens his eyes and blinks.

“Oh. Hi, Jimin.” you say awkwardly. Why is he looking at you this way? “Hm, is Jungkook home?”

Jimin looks hesitant for a moment.

“No.”

It’s your turn to widen your eyes. So that’s why he isn't texting you back. This makes you a bit relieved.

“Is… is he working?” You can’t hide your disappointment.

“Not yet. He starts tomorrow.”

You put your hands on your waist and walk from side to side as Jimin just watches you in silence.

“Jimin, at what time he’ll be home tomorrow? Do you think it’ll be too late in the night? I really need to talk to him, but that fucker keeps ignoring my texts.”

You don’t like the face Jimin is making now.

You really don’t like it.

He scratches the back of his neck and frowns. “He… he didn’t tell you?”

This makes you stop.

“Tell me what?”

Jimin exhales and gulps.

“He told you that he’ll start working for Mr. Choi, right? That director.”

“Yes.” Each word of his makes you more and more worried. 

“So… this project he’s involved in…” Jimin licks his lips before continuing. “It’s overseas.”

You stare at him in silence as this information sinks in.

“Overseas?! Are you telling me he fucking left the country?!”

“Yes.”

You can’t believe what you just heard.

“B-But- yesterday Jungkook and I were planning to go out! This makes no sense!”

“Well,” Jimin looks hesitant again. “In fact, his flight is tomorrow morning, but he left earlier because we kind of had an argument.” He sends you an apologetic gaze. “He was drunk yesterday and all and I was trying to calm him down and I might have accidentally let it slip that I knew about you two, and this kinda pissed him off even more because, well, he was drunk and you know how Jungkook gets stupid when he’s drunk, so I think he left to his parent’s house and he’ll head to the airport tomo- wait, are you crying?!”

You sniff and hide your face behind your hands.

“Oh my God,” Jimin sounds confused and borderline panicked as he watches you start sobbing again. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“B-Because h-he-!” you can’t fucking speak anymore.

Jimin puts a hand on your back and guides you to sit on the couch. He brings some tissues and pats your back awkwardly as you cry and sob like stupid. 

“W-Why didn’t he tell me he was l-leaving?” you ask yourself. 

Jimin sighs. “Y/N, it’s not like he’s leaving forever. It’s just for this project. He’ll be back by the end of the week.”

“B-But he would’ve told me something so important!” You blow your nose. Jimin frowns. “I didn’t know this project was so huge! What, is it a movie or something?”

“It’s a music video.” You stare at Jimin in disbelief. “Jungkook has been around the recording studio with Namjoon and Yoongi a lot. He ended up meeting Mr. Choi, who has been directing some music videos for Big Hit Records’ artists. He liked Jungkook’s work and invited him to work as an assistant… I mean, the assistant of the assistant, as Jungkook himself said.”

You exhale, feeling your shoulders drop. “Why didn’t he tell me this?”

Jimin’s eyes soften. “Your friendship hasn’t been in the best shape these days, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was this bad.”

You rest your elbows on your legs and hide your face behind your hands again. You didn’t want to be crying this bad again, yet you just can’t stop. You don’t even know why you’re crying anymore. Jimin just caresses your back in silence as your sobs start quieting down.

“You were right,” you say at some point.

“What?”

“When you told me not to hurt him. I was hurting him and I didn’t even realize. I’m so stupid.”

Jimin tilts his head. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Y/N. You were both stupid.” You side eye him.

“Jungkook said that he’s in love with me.” This makes him quirk his eyebrows.

“Oh.”

“You don’t look very surprised.”

“I’m not.”

“Did… did he tell you?”

“No.”

“Was it that obvious?”

Jimin presses his lips together hesitantly. “Do you want me to comfort you or do you want me to be honest?”

“Be honest.”

“It was pretty fucking obvious that he’s in love with you. At least for me.” 

You exhale and swipe your hands over your face. “I’m so stupid!” you repeat.

“Look, Y/N, to be honest, I think Jungkook is the most stupid. He was torturing himself with this fuck buddies thing, you know? He agreed to it in the first place. Everyone knows that this type of thing shouldn’t involve feelings, but he was the one to throw himself into it while he already had feelings.”

“It’s not like he’s the only one, though.”

Jimin seems about to say something, but he stops and stares at you, jaw-dropped.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

You rest your back on the couch. “I mean that I was also stupid enough to throw myself into it while having feelings.”

He’s quiet for a few more seconds.

“Do you mean that you like him back?”

You don’t answer. 

Much like Seulgi, it looks like Jimin just discovered something world-shocking. “Since when? Have you liked him since the beginning?”

You sigh sadly.

“No, I haven’t. To me, it was just fun. Until I realized that he was getting too far from my reach and- and I realized that Jungkook has never been too far, never, and I don’t know what to do when he’s not around.” You sniff. You’re not talking to Jimin anymore at this point; you’re talking to yourself. “Y-You know, now that I think about it, I… I guess I understand why it was always so good. Not just because he fucks good or because of his big dick-”

“I don’t need to hear this, do I?” Jimin whines in disgust.

“-but because it was him.” One more tear rolls down your cheek. “It was good because it was with him.”

The way you always felt comfortable to be naked in front of him. How it was always lighthearted and fun and exciting. You had good sex with other people before, but never like this. Maybe because these other people didn’t have Jungkook’s handsome smile or because their eyes didn’t gleam with excitement the way his does or because they didn't smell like baby powder. Or maybe because it was never scary to be exposed in front of him because he already knew everything about you - there wasn’t really anything else to expose. 

Jungkook felt like home.

Now, you feel homeless.

You wipe the tears away once more and look at Jimin-

“Why are you smiling?”

Doesn’t this scene look familiar?

“I’m sorry, it’s just that- wow, I don’t even know what to say.” Jimin doesn’t even try to hide his smile. “I’ve been waiting so long for this. Like, I kind of suspected that you had feelings for him, but I couldn’t be sure because you’re a hard bitch to read. To be honest, when I saw what you two were doing I wanted to kill you because you couldn’t be this blind to not realize how he feels about you-”

“Can you stop being honest for a moment?”

“Oh.” Jimin gulps, but he can’t stop smiling. “I’m sorry.”

You sigh again and cross your arms. “What if he never lets me explain myself, Jimin?”

“Stop the drama.” Jimin’s voice hardens suddenly. “You two are very similar in this sense, you know? I’m sure that Jungkook will listen to whatever you have to say. And he’ll be away for just four days! It’s not like he’s leaving forever.”

You sit there in silence for some moments. You’re sure that if you tell that you’re scared to talk to Jungkook, he will probably beat you up. He never had that much patience.

Jimin exhales heavily and gets up. “Wait a minute.” You watch as he walks into Jungkook’s empty bedroom, frowning. He stays there for a little while. When he comes back to the living room, he stops in front of you and hands you something.

“Jungkook’s gonna kill me when he finds out, but I don’t care.” 

“What is this-?”

“Just take it already. And watch it when you’re back home. It’s so personal that I got uncomfortable the first time I watched it.”

“Then why are you giving it to me-?”

“Just fucking take it, Y/N!”

You take the small device before Jimin makes you swallow it. 

He smiles sweetly.

“Everything will be fine, okay? Don’t worry. I’m always right.”

You stare at the small black pen drive in between your fingers.

This time, you genuinely hope he’s right.

You had honestly forgotten how it feels to get drunk. 

At the same time that the dizziness feels familiar, it's also hitting you like a truck. Your friends didn't believe you when you said that you'd stop drinking, yet you've been loyal to your word. Of course, it's not like you didn't drink anything in all those months, but a single beer isn't the same as a pack of beer.

The way your body's responding to the alcohol in your system isn't right. Your stomach is already tangling around itself, you can't walk a straight line from the couch to the kitchen counter without feeling that there's holes opening on the floor, and your thoughts are more incomprehensible than usual. You'd usually not get drunk so fast - and surely not with just beer. You're the girl that was still very sober after many tequila shots that time a random date of yours was trying to get you drunk - he ended up drunk after a few shots, of course, and you left the son of a bitch alone while he vomited on himself.

Being in love sure has changed you a lot.

Look, it's not the first time you drink to forget about your problems. You've been doing that since high school and you're tired of hearing Jungkook say how this behavior is unhealthy (he's right, as usual). This time, though, you're not forgetting about your problems, you're just thinking about them more.

It doesn't help that you're listening to Seulgi's playlist on Spotify called "i miss you irene." You laughed your ass off when you found out she really made a heartbreak playlist and named it like that. "You're torturing yourself, Seulgi," you told her. I mean, why would someone sad listen to songs that will only make them more sad?

Well.

Here you are now, laying on the carpet as Spending my Time by Roxette is blasting on the speakers.

People really knew how to write heartbreak songs back in the 90s.

"Fuck you, Jungkook." you mumble, staring at the ceiling. "I'm shoving alcohol up my ass. You can't tell me what to do."

Jungkook, that fucker. Why didn’t he listen to you? Why didn’t you shut him up? If there was a way to go back in time you’d do it. You wouldn’t have kissed Taehyung, you wouldn’t let him get the wrong impression. You wouldn’t have encouraged Jungkook to be with Joy. Fuck, if you could go back in time you would have woken up that first morning in Jungkook’s bed and said that it meant a lot to sleep with him, that you were willing to not be just friends anymore.

(Of course, back then you didn’t feel that way, but you’re drunk and sad. Give yourself a break.)

Now, you can’t tell him what you feel because he’s somewhere overseas. He probably bought new clothes for such an important occasion. You imagine him being in a real set for the first time, his eyes gleaming as he watches the staff working, him trying to hold his excited smile back because he’s supposed to look professional and-

You sniff. You have a stuffy nose. Fuck.

You're so drunk that you can't really control your actions anymore. If Seulgi were here, she would probably stop you. But she's not here. She's somewhere with Irene.

So you take your phone, tap the Instagram app and start typing.

[@you]: hell o 😅😂🤣😊

[@you]: its been a log time how u doing???

[@you]: what if we meeet????

And unfortunately, she replies.

[@yerimiese]: hi 🤗

[@yerimiese]: yeah, sure!

[@yerimiese]: when can we meet?

It’s the back pain that makes you wake up the next day because you slept on the floor. You’re dizzy and confused, your poor brain trying to understand what’s happening, why you’re on the floor, why there’s so many empty beer cans around you and why your phone is flashing with notifications from last night.

When your sight finally adjusts to the light your phone screen produces, your eyes widen and you stand up in a jump, making your back ache even more.

Did you seriously DM Yeri and she seriously agreed to meet you?!

It’s currently 11:40 AM - and you agreed to meet at noon. 

You run to your bedroom so fast that it makes you dizzy and you end up hitting your hip against the doorframe and it feels like you fucking broke it. You just have time to wear the first clean clothes you see laying around, tie your hair up and run to take the first bus you see.

You could’ve just told Yeri that you weren’t going anymore, of course, even though she agreed to meet you and it would’ve been kind of rude. You know it’s going to be the most awkward moment ever to see her after so long, especially now that you have feelings for her ex. Gosh - you’re already feeling so much embarrassment that you feel like jumping out of the bus and running back home. Why the fuck do you always end up doing stupid things when you’re drunk?!

But again - it’s that same chaotic side of you that makes you stay inside the bus and meet her. This chaotic side takes a good portion of your personality, it just gets more outgoing when you’re drunk. The same chaotic side that made you start some friends with benefits bullshit with your best friend just because you liked the idea of not being caught and the same chaotic side that made you passive aggressively flirt with Taehyung when you didn’t really want anything with him-

How the fuck did your friends even stand you?!

You’re forced to stop the existential crisis when you see that you arrived at the park. You feel a shiver run down your spine.

Yeri is sitting on the bus stop. 

She looks prettier than you remember; her hair is short and blonde now, which makes her look more mature. Yeri was always one to walk around well dressed, but right now it feels almost humiliating that she's all pretty when you literally look like a scarecrow. 

She smiles awkwardly and gets up. You didn't even say anything yet and it already feels awkward.

"I’m so sorry, Yeri,” is the first thing you say as you approach each other. “Did I make you wait too long?”

“No! It’s alright. I also got a little bit late.” She says, smiling prettily. Pretty is a word that overall describes her very well. “So, how you’re doing?”

“I’m doing fine!” You’re doing anything but fine at the moment. “What about you?”

“I’m fine, too.”

Silence.

My good Lord.

You start to regret all of your life choices right here and right now. You don’t see this girl in almost a year, you’re not close anymore, you know nothing about her life. Why the fuck did you even come anyway?! The awkwardness is so big that you can almost touch it.

There’s also a small and annoying thought that grows as you watch her - a thought you try very hard to ignore, but you can’t - that this is the girl Jungkook used to fuck before he started fucking you, that he used to go down on her and that he used to be inside of her and that those pretty lips of her once were around his cock and for some reason you start getting really angry-

“Do you wanna have a drink?” Yeri suddenly says.

You blink. “Hm… it’s 12PM.”

“And?” She quirks an eyebrow.

She’s perceptive, this one. Nothing’s better to break the ice than alcohol. 

You don’t even know what you’re doing here anyway, so who cares?

“Sure. I know a bar nearby.”

Yeri slams the empty glass on the counter and stares at you, shocked.

“Mike did what?!”

You nod and swallow one more shot. Your tastebuds are so used (even calloused) from this bitter taste that you don’t even scowl as the drink slides down your throat. “Yeah. It seems that he was cheating on me for a while with that bitch. I caught them inside the lab.”

Yeri stares ahead. She looks speechless. “I will be honest… I heard that he was cheating on you, but I never thought this happened.” She shakes her head slowly. “Why the fuck were they inside a lab anyways? Are they stupid?”

“The lab was deactivated. That part of the science building was being renovated.” You sigh. Reviving those memories is kind of painful right now, especially after what Mike did to you some nights ago. Honestly, he could die and you wouldn’t care. “I was looking for him. His friends told me he went in that direction… well, kinda weird that they snitched on him like that. Maybe they really didn’t know. Anyways, I still don’t know how they got the key to the lab.”

Yeri nods. “Wow… I am really, really shocked. You guys were a pretty couple.” She gesticulates with her hand. “One more shot, please.”

“Me too, please.” You say.

The bartender looks at you two with visible worry. There’s no one else in the bar - who the fuck drinks so much this early? Wait, why is this bar even opened this early? - so he’s obviously hearing your whole conversation. You wonder what’s his opinion on your fucked up love life.

“Are you sure, girls? Shouldn’t you slow down a little bit?” He asks hesitantly.

You wave your hand dismissively. “Nah, we’re good.” You’re still not dizzy, just a little talkative. Getting drunk yesterday seemed to awaken all of your high tolerance superpowers. Pretty Yeri also isn’t one to get drunk that easily.

“We’re strong girls.” She reassures. The bartender shrugs as he prepares two more shots. “You seemed to like him a lot.” 

“I did.” You admit. 

“And he seemed to like you, too. I never expected that. Well… to be honest, Jungkook sometimes told me that he didn’t like Mike and that he was sure that he wasn’t a good guy.”

The sudden mention of his name makes you freeze. You realize that Yeri freezes, too. It seems that she’s also surprised for bringing him up like this. Yeri looks down at the new shot the bartender just placed in front of you two.

“It seems that he was right. As usual.” She finishes in a much lower voice, drinking her shot in one go.

This single sentence makes you realize that “Jungkook” is still a delicate topic for her. Of course it’d be - you don’t know much about their break up, but you sure know it was anything but friendly. Jungkook got pretty fucked up for a few weeks after their break up - and the fact that he refuses to talk about it to this day is enough of an indication.

Shit.

“Anyways, it didn’t stop there.” You decide to go back to your suffering for now, so she can get distracted. “The day before yesterday I bumped into him. He was drunk and made a scandal. Called me a bitch in front of everyone.”

Yeri gasps and looks at you wide eyed. “What? Please, tell me someone punched the fuck out of him!”

“Yeah, my friend did before I could.” You’re not telling her which friend, of course. “It was satisfying. Still made me feel really bad, though.”

“You shouldn’t. You did nothing wrong, Y/N. He’s the son of a bitch here.” Yeri reassures. 

You nod and drink. “But enough of talking about my depressing love life. What about you?”

Yeri sighs, holding the small cup with both hands. “I’m doing fine, I guess. Didn’t really get serious with anyone yet. I’m seeing a guy, though. I don’t think I like him yet, but he’s about right. Who knows?” She says, shrugging.

You nod slowly. We’re getting into dangerous waters now. “I’m glad we’re both moving on, I guess.”

Yeri goes quiet for a while.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

A deep silence settles after this. You stare at the empty cup blankly, feeling the tension building up.

"I… have to be honest." Yeri starts quietly. "It was surprising that you called me after so long." She taps her nails on the counter slowly. "And I have the feeling that you called me for a very specific reason."

You nod slowly. She's not stupid. "You're right."

Yeri hesitates for a second. "You didn't… Jungkook didn't ask you to come here to talk to me, right?"

You almost gasp. Jungkook doesn't even dream that you're with her right now. "No, no. He didn't. You know I'm kinda nosy, but I have my limits too."

Yeri quirks her eyebrows and nods. You really hope that this tiny thing you saw deep in her eyes wasn't disappointment. You really hope that deep down Yeri doesn't still like him.

"So… why did you call me, then?"

You sigh. She came all this way just to meet you, so you have to at least be honest right now.

"I was drunk yesterday when I texted you."

"Oh." Yeri widens her eyes. "I thought there was something wrong with you by the way you were texting."

You chuckle. "But… I did call you because of Jungkook, somehow." You say carefully, She stiffens. "I know it's kinda cruel to do this. If you want to simply leave or if you want to slap me, I won't judge you. But… we had a really ugly fight these days and I don't know what to do. I was hoping that maybe… maybe you could help me understand him."

Yeri goes very, very quiet after this.

"Did you guys fight because of me?" She asks after a while.

"No and yes." Yeri was one of the things that got you overthinking anyways. "I… I really need to know. Again, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. But… why did you guys break up?"

Yeri turns her head slowly to look at you. There's something very serious and hardened on her eyes.

"He never told you." It wasn't a question. You shake your head. "Well, I figured he wouldn't." She looks back to the cup between her hands; you can see she's thinking hard. "Y/N, I always admired your friendship with him. What you have is something truly special. Maybe you won't want to know why. Maybe I don't want to tell you because I don't want to destroy your friendship."

"My relationship with Jungkook won't ever go back to what it used to be anyways. I don't care." 

Yeri looks surprised. She still hesitates for some moments - what makes your blood boil in expectation - but finally sighs and nods.

"Alright, then." She crosses her arms. "I broke up with him because of you."

You stare at her, jaw dropped.

"What? What did I do?" You ask, genuinely confused.

"You did nothing." She chuckles drily. "That's why I couldn't hate you, you know. And I tried to hate you really hard."

You don't know what to say. Some girls Jungkook had some sort of relationship with were very jealous of you, you knew, but Yeri was different. "Were you… were you jealous of me and him? But Yeri- you know we weren't like that."

This is not a lie. You weren't like that while they still dated. You were too stupidly in love with Mike to notice the person that was standing right by your side all along.

"I know." She nods. "I know you didn't. But Jungkook did."

You freeze.

"What?"

Yeri finally looks at you again - clear sadness on her eyes.

"Jungkook loves you. Not in a way a friend does."

You’re absolutely speechless.

Your heart is beating so fast that you think you’re about to faint. Your brain malfunctions and it seems that you lost the ability to speak for a few moments. This shouldn’t shock you - Jungkook confessed his feelings himself not long ago, and Jimin also said how he knew about Jungkook’s feelings - goddamn, even Seulgi noticed it a little bit. But back then? When he was still dating Yeri?

“B-But Yeri-” you hate the way you’re stuttering and you hate how Yeri is telling you something she obviously doesn’t like, but you still feel so fucking happy and fuzzy inside. “Jungkook was in love with you. I’m sure.”

“I thought so, too. And he thought he was in love with me.” Yeri stares ahead again, and in this moment you realize that yes, it still hurts her. “You know… Jungkook was too much like a dream.” She chuckles to herself, as if she can’t believe in what she’s saying. “He was perfect in every sense. His good looks, the way he was always so sweet… God, even the way he’s in bed.” Yes, he’s unbeatable in bed, you want to agree. “Too perfect to be true.”

Yeri goes quiet again for a while. She stares at the cup as if it’s showing her something important she can’t look away from.

“I started to realize why it was so perfect.” Her voice sounds painfully fragile. “He was trying too hard. Always trying his best. At first I thought that it was a good thing… We all want someone that’s always trying their best for you, right? But then… then, I started to watch how he acted when he was around you. Y-You know what’s worst in all this? It’s not like you two gave me actual reason to be jealous. You were never touchy around each other. You were even dating back then, and you two avoided going out together because Mike and Jungkook never got along well. I know it.” She sounds like she wants to cry. It makes you feel really, really bad. 

“But… fuck, it was the way Jungkook acted with you, the way he talked to you, the way he looked at you, that smile he just showed when you were around. With you, he wasn’t trying anything. He didn’t need to try. I saw how he was so comfortable around you and… well, I didn’t need to be a genius to understand that he was so stupidly in love with you that it got him blind.” Yeri inhales and exhales deeply. “Jungkook was too much like a dream. But everyone has to wake up sometime, and I didn’t want to be there when he woke up from his. So I left him before I could get any more hurt.”

You can just stare at her, jaw dropped, adrenaline making your breathing shaky.

“Yeri, I never… I didn’t…” you stupidly stutter.

“I know you didn’t.” She nods. “I even pitied Jungkook, you know. Because he didn’t want to see what he really felt, and because you obviously didn’t feel the same.” Yeri chuckles. “That’s why I can’t hate you. That’s also what gave me some sense of revenge. At least he’s suffering a little bit.”

You’re both very, very quiet for some time.

“I’m sorry.” You say quietly. She doesn’t know you’re apologizing for putting her under the torture of telling those memories that are still painful for her. You weren’t expecting that Yeri still felt so affected by her past relationship even after so long. 

“You don’t need to apologize.” She shakes her head slowly. “It wasn’t meant to be. That’s all. We would both keep suffering like that.” Yeri exhales again and looks at you. “Well… I guess I’m going now. I really hope I didn’t completely kill your relationship with him.”

She didn’t.

She quite helped to save it, actually.

Yeri takes some money from her purse and puts it over the counter, paying for her drinks. As she gets up from the stool, you say:

“Thank you for telling me, Yeri. I really wish you all the happiness you deserve.”

The blonde girl opens a small smile. You see why Jungkook fell - well, at least thought he fell - for her. Maybe Yeri doesn’t know it, but she also looks like a dream. You just hope she’ll find someone that will wake her up to see the most beautiful, warm and lovely reality.

“Thanks. See you around.”

She leaves.

You just sit there, all alone, staring at the counter.

Well- not exactly alone.

The bartender is furiously side-eyeing you.

“What?” You ask drily.

He presses his lips together. “I don’t think I should say anything…”

You tilt your head. “Go ahead. You heard everything anyway.”

The bartender stops in front of you. There’s something wise about him. That’s probably the result of hearing hundreds and hundreds of love stories every night - day, in your case.

“That dude you guys were talking about,” he says. “Your friend. You like him, right?”

You stare at him seriously. “Why would you think that?”

“Because your eyes lit up so much as she talked that I thought you were going to explode.”

Fuck. You can’t even pretend anymore. You avoid his gaze, embarrassed, and nod. “I do.”

He lifts his eyebrows. “Then, and excuse my intrusive ass, what the fuck are you waiting for?” He almost looks annoyed, as if he’s having to explain something painfully obvious. “Go after him, woman!”

You stare at him. 

He’s right.

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Oh, right. You’re waiting until he comes back, because he’s fucking overseas.

It makes you so, so angry. After everything you just heard, after everything you’re feeling right now, you wanted nothing more but to run to him and make him listen to you. You want to see him, to hug him, to make him understand that he’s your most important person in the world, that you can’t see yourself in a world where he isn’t around.

But guess what - you’ll have to wait three days to meet him. 

You look so grumpy on your way back home that people deliberately avoid looking at you. Seulgi and Irene are there when you arrive; Seulgi looks worried, Irene looks confused, you just decide to say you’re alright and lock yourself inside your bedroom because you can’t physically look at a happy couple right now.

You throw yourself on the bed and scream against a pillow.

If someone told you you’d be feeling so many things when all of this started, you wouldn’t have believed. You were always someone to continuously keep the fuck it button pressed - or at least, you pretended you did. Like that, you could trick your heart into believing you weren’t hurt by some jerk who cheated on you, that you didn’t feel like a piece of shit for drowning your problems in alcohol, that you didn’t care that most of your “friends” just cared about you when it came to parties and having fun, that there was never really anyone that truly took you seriously in a relationship.

It’s really easy to pretend those things aren’t real. But it’s just like Yeri said - one moment, everyone has to wake up. To you, waking up means facing the consequences of your actions, to face your feelings.

And it really hurts right now.

It also reminds you that the person you’d usually let your guard down for was Jungkook. You were never embarrassed to be weak in front of him - and it was the other way round. You were always in tune. Always in synergy.

This makes you remember the little black pen drive laying on the nightstand.

You sit in a jump, taking your laptop and the pen drive. Just feeling the device between your fingers makes you feel nervous… that’s why you still didn’t check what’s inside of it yet. Jimin said it was something personal. You’ve been hesitating to see whatever it is.

It can’t be bad, can it?

You plug the pen drive in your laptop. 

The files tab pops up. There’s actually only one file inside the pen drive - a video. It’s called euphoria final test i swear to god. 

You chuckle. This is so Jungkook. 

Your finger still hovers over the touchpad hesitantly. It looks like one of Jungkook’s test videos - you’ve seen plenty of those. Nothing new. Nothing to be scared of. You double click. 

The video opens up and fills up the screen.

It’s a vertical video recorded on selfie mode. Jungkook is walking down the university hall; he has a playful smile on his lips. The video shows you walking by his side, a grumpy expression on your face.

You remember this. He actually posted this on his Instagram stories around one year ago. His hair was way shorter back then. Why does he still have something so silly?

“Y/N’s team lost the championship.” Jungkook says. Of course he looks happy. He roots for the rival team. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Fuck you.” Is all you say.

Jungkook laughs loudly.

Another video.

A song kicks in.

It starts with the sweet melody of a piano. You frown, not recognizing this song at all. 

Then the voice of the singer kicks in, and you feel your whole body freezing.

It’s Jungkook’s voice.

He sounds soft and angelic as you’ve always known - only this time, through professional mics and mixing. This itself is already shocking. You always felt blessed for being one of the few people to know of Jungkook’s singing ability, but this is different. He sounds like a professional singer, someone that makes a living out of it.

You remember Namjoon’s voice.

Hah, Jungkook didn’t tell you yet? He has been working with us! We’re doing a good job. He lent his voice to record some demos.

You then remember what Jungkook told you.

I… I kind of helped them write a song. I felt kind of inspired. It was just for fun, though.

Maybe I’ll let you listen to it any other day.

Is… is this the song he was talking about?

Jungkook’s sweet voice sings:

You are the sunlight that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don’t know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

Your breathing is irregular. Your fingers are shaking slightly. 

Because as if his voice wasn’t enough to singlehandedly make you feel completely lost, the video is still passing on.

Videos of you.

You sitting on the university’s library, reading a book. You crying that time you ate tacos that were way too spicy, Jungkook’s laughter from behind his phone ringing softly over the song. You playing Just Dance with Seulgi, ridiculously trying to follow the doll’s moves on the TV. You running after Jungkook down the hall as he laughs because he stole your last cookie. You dancing around your kitchen as you prepare breakfast. You and him singing to Staying Alive that night at Burger King, both of you visibly drunk. Your shocked reaction as you watched a plot twist unfold on the TV - an anime he insisted so much for you to watch that you ended up watching.

I hear the ocean from far away

Across the dream, past the woods

I'm following this clarity

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

You remember some of those videos. He posted some of them on his Instagram or Snapchat. Some of them you sent him yourself. Some of them, though, you had no idea that existed. Videos of you doing… nothing. Scrolling down your phone. Reading a book. Watching TV. Some of them look more professional - those are from the times you accepted to be his “model” so he could test his techniques, yet he never let you see any of those videos.

Just you.

You, you, you and you.

Were you wandering around

Looking for an erased dream too?

It’s different from what destiny suggests

We share the same painful views

Won't you please stay in my dreams

Yes, both of you had erased dreams. Your erased dream was Mike. His erased dream was Yeri.

Jungkook thought that you would never be more than friends. What he felt, though, was different from what he thought destiny suggested.

The way you drifted apart from each other. The pain you went through, watching your friendship slowly die. You shared the same painful views.

You don’t know at what moment you start to cry, but now, tears are freely dripping down your cheeks.

Even if the earth crumbles

No matter who shakes this world

Don't let go of my hand

Please don’t wake me up from this dream

You remember that time you were looking at the pictures Jungkook took at a wedding, and you noticed how the groom looked at his future wife with overflowing love. You wondered to yourself if someone has ever looked - or ever would - look at you the same way.

Well, sometimes… sometimes I caught him looking at you in some type of way.

It was the way Jungkook acted with you, the way he talked to you, the way he looked at you, that smile he just showed when you were around. 

You’re not seeing him in this video.

Yet, it shows how Jungkook sees you. And you can’t help but think… in his eyes, you look beautiful.

He sings beautifully. Passionately.

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

Euphoria

Close the door now

When I’m with you I’m in utopia

As the song slowly ends, the screen shows a last shot from a very old video you didn’t even remember. It’s from your graduation day from high school… actually, a video your mother recorded. The difference is clear from how shaky the camera is. You can’t help but think you look too goofy in your old school uniform.

“Y/N, it’s your graduation day! Next year you’ll live by yourself in a big city!”

“Thanks God. Less bills to pay for,” you hear your father jokingly say somewhere out of sight. You roll your eyes, but still laugh.

“Thank you so much, Dad. I see how much you love me.”

“But I love you, sweetie!”

“Shut up, darling. I’m trying to do an interview.” Your mother shushes him. “So, how do you feel, Y/N?”

You look thoughtful for a moment. That stupid teenager on the screen looks so full of hopes and courage. So young, so naive. “I’m a little bit scared, but I’m excited.” You say. 

Then you smile, as if remembering something very important.

“Besides, Jungkook will live next to me, so I’ll be alright.”

The video ends.

You just sit there, sobbing uncontrollably for the next few minutes.

When you clicked that file, you never expected this.

You never expected to feel so loved with just a video.

At the same time, it makes an urge - the strongest urge you’ve ever felt in your life - flow through you. You need to tell Jungkook how wrong those lyrics are.

He doesn’t have to keep dreaming anymore. You’ve woken up from your own dream - and you’re ready to show him the real world in which you love him back, unconditionally.

Irene and Seulgi look worried as they see you marching out of your bedroom, sniffling, tears streaming down your cheeks. Before Irene can say anything, you put both hands on her shoulders and look at her seriously.

“Remember when you said you owed me one? That you’d help me with whatever I needed?”

Irene starts to look scared. “Yes.”

“Were you serious?”

“Of course!”

“Good. Then I need you to buy a flight ticket for me. Today.”

“Are you sure that’s the right hotel, Jimin?” you ask out of breath, your phone almost falling as you balance it between your ear and your shoulder, your hands busy holding your passport and flight ticket. You, Irene and Seulgi run inside the airport, looking like three crazy women in a dangerous mission - which isn’t too far from reality.

“I’m sure, Y/N!” Jimin says through the phone, starting to sound a little bit annoyed. “God, you asked me this a hundred times!”

“But I need to be sure! Can’t you ask him once again?”

“He will start to get suspicious. I already had to make up one hell of an excuse to make him tell me which room he’s in without sounding creepy.”

“Room 23, right?”

“Room 32!”

“So, is he sure that’s the right hotel?” Irene asks.

“Yes.”

She clicks something on her phone. “Good. It’s not too far from the airport. You’re lucky there was a room available!”

“Are you sure about this, Y/N?” Seulgi asks, looking borderline panicked. “You’re not going to die if you wait a few days until he comes back.”

“Yes, I am going to die if I wait any longer.”

“So dramatic.” Jimin says over the phone. You can even see him rolling his eyes.

“Shut up!”

“Why are you telling me to shut up?!” Seulgi asks, offended.

“No! I was talking to Jimin!” You finally hold the phone with your hand. “Okay, Jimin. I’m hanging up. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Don’t fucking die out there.” Jimin says, but you can hear the smile on his voice. “Good luck!”

You shove the phone inside your back pocket and turn around to look at them.

“Y/N, I don’t trust you alone in a foreign country.” Seulgi says. She does look panicked.

“I don’t trust myself either, but it’s alright.” You reassure her - but she only looks more nervous. You didn’t even bring a suitcase, choosing to just take a backpack with a few clothes and extremely necessary items. 

Irene takes something from her wallet and hands it to you. “Here’s my credit card. I will text you the password later.”

You widen your eyes. “Irene, that’s not necessary…”

She shrugs in a dismissing demeanour. “Of course it is. How will you survive out there without money?” This kinda reminds you that this is only one of her credit cards and that whatever money you spend won’t really mean much to her. Still, you take the card hesitantly, making a mental promise to not spend more than the utmost necessary. “Your room is booked. You can ask a taxi to take you directly to the hotel. There’s no way to get lost.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…” Seulgi says under her breath.

“Seulgi, I will fucking beat you up.” 

“Sorry! I’m nervous!” She admits.

Your gaze softens. “I promise I won’t die, okay?”

She steps closer and hugs you tightly. “Be safe. Huh, you’re so stupid, but this is so romantic! It feels like I’m watching a Netflix romcom movie in real life!”

“Why do you always have to bring Netflix up?” Irene wonders under her breath. Seulgi sends her a menacing glare as she steps back again. “Anyways, if you need anything, please call us. Call us as soon as you get out of the plane. Keep us informed.”

“Okay.” You jump over to hug Irene; she gets visibly surprised, not really the type of person to appreciate a lot of physical contact. “Thank you so much, Irene! You’re saving my life!”

“The same way you saved mine.” She giggles. “Now go, unless you want to lose your flight!”

You wave them goodbye one last time before walking to the check-in area.

Yeah. You know that this is very, very stupid to do. You could wait three days. But when your impulsive, chaotic side takes control, you can’t really hold it back. That’s why you get inside the plane even though you’re really fucking scared of flights, going to a country you know absolutely nothing about. 

But it’s alright. You’ll be with Jungkook, so it’s alright. Even if he rejects you - it’s alright.

Your chaotic side says that you’ll annoy him until he at least listens to you - and this time, you don’t think your chaotic side is all that wrong.

You get lost.

Which is dumb, because there were lots of information boards around the airport. Maybe that’s why you got lost - too much information, your peanut-sized brain couldn’t process all of that. After walking around the gigantic place for a good thirty minutes, only stopping to buy something very important on a vending machine, you find the exit and the taxi area. The taxi driver sees how desperate you are and it looks like he pities you.

Irene was right; the hotel is only twenty minutes away from the airport. It’s not a super hotel, but it looks like it’s much more expensive than you’d be able to pay (you couldn’t even pay for the flight tickets anyway). 

You get more and more and more and more nervous at each passing minute. You feel like you’re about to fucking explode as the receptionist types something you can’t see. When he gives you the key card for your room, you feel goosebumps run down your spine.

It’s now.

Getting inside the elevator, you press the button to Jungkook’s floor. You don’t even want to drop your things in your own room before meeting him. You’re so nervous that, if you wait a little bit more, you’re sure that you’ll pass out.

Every step of yours on the corridor’s carpeted floor echoes in your ears. Your heart beats furiously. Your hands are trembling slightly and you feel cold in your stomach.

Room 23.

You stand in front of it, frozen.

Oh my God.

As expected, you don’t know what you’ll say when you see him. You tried to plan a speech the entire flight as a way to forget you were thousands of feet away from the ground and how fucking scared it made you, but you couldn’t think of anything.

You inhale and exhale deeply. It’s alright. It’s Jungkook who you’re talking about. You’ve always known how to act around him. Right now it’s no different.

Finally, you knock on the door.

“J-Jungkook?” You call, your voice failing slightly.

No response. 

Weird. Jimin made sure that Jungkook wouldn’t be working anymore at this hour.

“Jungkook, it’s me. Can we… can we talk, please?” You say a little bit louder, knocking on the door once more. You can't hear any noise coming from inside the room. Come on, Jungkook. You have to open the door before any security guard can drag me away from here. 

Your breathing is difficult. Your hands are trembling slightly. It feels that the floor is opening holes under your feet.

"Jungkook, I know you're mad at me. But please… please, let me at least explain myself." It's stupid how you already feel your eyes welling up with tears. Since when you became such a cry baby? Your chest tightens, hurts. "Y-You can't just leave me outside your room like this. Stop being a jerk. I need to tell you… I-I need to tell you that I lo-"

"Y/N?"

You freeze.

You turn around, looking at the exact opposite room in the hallway.

It's him.

Jungkook still holds the doorknob, indicating that he just opened it. He's barefoot, wears shorts and a long sleeved shirt, all black. His damp hair falling slightly over his eyes indicates that he probably just took a shower.

His eyes are so widened that it looks like they're about to pop out of his face.

He sincerely looks at you like you're the weirdest thing he has ever seen in his life. 

"W-What-" he stutters, looking like he can't form a coherent sentence. "What the fuck?!"

You're still frozen in place.

You turn around again, looking at the door you were knocking on.

Room 23.

You look back at Jungkook again - the sign on his door.

Room 32.

"Oh." Is all you can say.

Shame suddenly makes your shoulders weight. You really, really hope there's no one inside Room 23. 

You both stand there, staring at each other with widened eyes like two scared chipmunks. Your neck and face feels very, very hot.

Jungkook looks like he's recovering from the shock. He didn't hear anything you said, apparently. 

"W-What exactly are you doing here?" Jungkook asks, tilting his head to the side. He frowns, looking at you like you're an exotic species. 

"Oh." You repeat. Your brain is malfunctioning. You step closer, simply showing him the plastic bag you're holding. "I-I brought you this."

His eyes go from you to the plastic bag and to you again. 

"It's banana milk." You explain hurriedly. He widens his eyes slightly. "I mean- it's this country's equivalent of banana milk, I guess. It's the closest thing I could buy in the vending machine."

Jungkook raises his hand slowly and takes it. He's moving carefully, as if this exotic species can jump on him and bite him at any moment.

"Did you take a 5 hour flight just to buy me banana milk?" 

"Yes." You agree mindlessly. You feel your entire body burning now. "A-And I also came here to talk, because your dramatic ass didn't let me speak the other day."

Jungkook quirks one eyebrow and crosses his arms slowly. "Alright. I'm listening to you now."

He stares at you very seriously. 

His gaze is overwhelming. It almost feels that you're getting small under his eyes. Gosh - you've been wanting to see him for days, but right now, when he's right in front of you, you can't say a damn thing, your brain completely overheating, your braincells melting. You thought you'd know how to act when you met him - but ha, guess what? You don't.

And that motherfucker is just standing there, waiting for you to speak. Just staring at you.

You hold the doorknob in a swift moment and close the door on his face, just letting enough of it open so he can still hear you.

"What-?" He gasps from inside the room.

"Shut up, okay?! I just can't speak looking at you right now." You hold the doorknob so tightly that your knuckles get white. You hate the way your voice is trembling and you hate the way your sight can't really focus on anything around you - that's just how nervous you are.

Jungkook doesn't say anything. You feel him leaning on the other side of the door, waiting patiently.

You inhale and exhale heavily.

"You got so fucking angry at me when I said you were my best friend that night.” You start, not really knowing where you’re going with this. You don’t even know if it’s possible to convey everything you feel through words only. “But you know, it’s- it’s true. You are my best friend. But what you didn’t let me explain is that you’re not just my best friend.”

Your heartbeat thunders on your ears at each word. You can’t see Jungkook’s expression, and at the same time it helps you keep talking, it also makes you more anxious. 

“Y-You’ve been with me through everything. You were there with me when I broke my arm when we were kids, and you were there to help me when I thought I wouldn’t get into college, and you were there with me to celebrate when I got into college. It’s even embarrassing that you’ve seen all of my lowest moments.” You rest your head on the door, staring at the carpet under your feet. The first tears roll down your cheeks. “You know everything about me and sometimes I hate it. You’re like… fuck, I hate how cheesy this sounds, but you’re like a part of me. A-And you’re the best part, because- I don’t know how to explain, but you’re always the one making my average self want to be more.”

Normal you would never say something like this. You’re far from being an emotional person and you’re shit with words. But right now you’re crying and sniffling and trembling and you can’t shut your mouth anymore.

“Please, you have to believe me. I would never purposefully hurt you. Whenever I see you sad I die a little bit inside, and to know that I was the cause of your sadness is fucking killing me. It’s killing me.” You sob. “I don’t want to be the cause of your sadness ever again. I-I want to return all the good things you’ve done to me. So, please… I know I’m a pain in the ass to deal with, b-but if you’d let me be by your side… if you’d just bear me a little bit longer until I become someone that you’d want to be with-”

Jungkook opens the door. 

You hear him whispering under his breath wait, wait, wait, interrupting you. Gently, he puts his hands on your arms and pulls you inside the room, closing the door right after, so now your back is against the door - right in front of him.

He stares at you, lips parted, eyebrows slightly knitted together. He looks stunned. Very, very confused. And very hopeful.

His starry eyes are welling up with tears.

“What… what do you mean with all this?” Jungkook asks softly. He almost sounds scared. “What do you really mean?”

You stare at him in silence. His beautiful face. His beautiful self. 

You’ve never been so sure about anything in your life.

“I love you.” you confess, your voice cracking slightly. “I-I fucking love you. I’m sorry that I took so long to realize.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen.

The next thing you know is that his lips are against yours.

He drops the plastic bag full of banana milk on the floor, holding the back of your neck with one hand and pressing your body against his with the other. He tastes like toothpaste and tears; you can barely breathe, adrenaline rushing through your bloodstream, your fingers grabbing the strands of his damp hair.

When he finally lets go of your lips, you’re both out of breath and trembling.

Then, he smiles - and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

He wipes the tears away from your cheeks as his own cheeks are wet with tears. His eyes are smiling too, and you think that you want to keep that smile forever.

“Y-You have… you have no idea of how long- how long I dreamed of hearing this,” Jungkook says quietly, his voice cracking a little bit. He giggles, frowning his eyebrows slightly as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing right in front of him. “I can’t believe you took a fucking plane to bring me banana milk! How can I stay mad at you when you do this type of thing?!”

You start giggling too. His warmth, his scent of baby powder, the way his eyes are shining as much as diamonds - this is something you didn’t know you needed, you didn’t know you’d ever have.

“God- I fucking love you, too.”

Your heart feels filled.

You smash your lips on his again.

It’s desperate and intense and makes your senses completely dizzy.

You feel the backpack dropping from your shoulders right before Jungkook lifts you up as if you weigh nothing and you circle your legs around his waist. Without breaking the kiss, he carries you to where the bed is, sitting down with you on his lap. 

Adrenaline and excitement washes over your body in anticipation. It’s even familiar at this point - his gaze clouded with want, your heavy breathings, hands grabbing and caressing everywhere they can find. Jungkook moans quietly against your lips as you grip his hair tightly, humping your clothed core very slowly against his growing erection.

“I missed you so fucking much,” he whispers in that deep voice that makes goosebumps run down your skin, his lips against your neck as he kisses and sucks it. You giggle.

“We fucked just a few days ago,” you point out.

“I miss this everyday. All the time.” 

You hold his face, forcing him to look at you.

You might be shit at words, you might not know how to express yourself that well. But one thing you know better than anyone else is how to make him feel good.

So, softly, you push him back until you’re hovering above him and he’s propped up by his elbows.

You don’t say anything. You just smile and start to take his shirt off.

He doesn’t complain.

Your hands roam his exposed skin as you kiss and suck his neck gently. While your lips are still glued on his neck, one of your hands travels to caress his clothed member. Quiet moans come from the back of his throat. Slowly, you kiss your way down his chest and stomach - until you’re kneeled in front of his opened legs.

Jungkook is breathing heavily in anticipation. Maybe it’s the sole sight of you biting your bottom lip as you manage to get his member free from his boxers and shorts that makes it throb. He has to gulp when he sees you spitting on his dick, the feeling of your spit trickling down his member making goosebumps roam his skin.

You hold his member and start to bump it slowly at first - which makes waves of pure pleasure wash over Jungkook, stunning his senses. He hisses when your lips envelop the head of his cock, sucking it. His eyes are half lidded, lips slightly parted, Adam’s apple bobbing as he gulps. He looks so beautiful as he’s being pleasured.

You start taking more of him inside your mouth until you feel him on your throat; Jungkook moans louder. You bob your head up and down his length, taking turns between sucking and bumping his member with your hand, your spit making it easier and producing obscene sounds. Jungkook hisses and groans and moans and then he’s grabbing your hair, making you take more of him inside your mouth. You don’t complain. You just want to make him feel the best he has ever felt.

This time, though, it’s being much quieter than what it usually is. Jungkook just swears a little under his breath. No dirty talking. 

His face and neck are covered with blush, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead, his face distorted with pure pleasure. His moans are getting more constant and louder. You wouldn’t mind if he cummed in your mouth right now, but Jungkook hisses and takes his hand off your hair.

“Oh my God- stop. Stop. Come here, babe.”

You decide to just do as he said. As soon as you prop your knees on each side of him, Jungkook sits up again and starts to get rid of your clothing hurriedly - first your pants, then your coat and shirt. When he unclasps your bra, he immediately takes one of your breasts on his mouth, making you moan quietly. His hand pushes your panties to the side to meet your already wet core; you moan louder as he gently caresses it. You unconsciously start moving your hips against his hand, his movements adding more pressure over your clit, his lips still licking and sucking your breasts.

Jungkook decides this was enough to get you wetter. He pushes your panties to the side, holds both sides of your hips as you guide his member to your entrance.

Both of you moan as he enters.

You close your eyes tightly, the feeling of being stretched by him so familiar and so delicious. Steadying yourself on his shoulders, you start to guide yourself up and down on him, never breaking eye contact, watching him carefully. Every deep moan coming from him makes you shiver. The pleasure, the sound of skin hitting skin - how many times have you done it before? You don’t even remember. Yet, right now, it somehow feels fresh and new. 

Maybe it’s because there’s more in Jungkook’s eyes than just lust. Maybe it’s because you notice how he watches you with adoration. And maybe it’s because you watch him with the same intensity, the same feeling.

Jungkook grabs the skin of your hips tightly as you increase your pace. He loves your face contorted in pleasure, he loves the sight of your boobs jumping at each move, he loves to feel the soft skin of your ass on his hand. He loves it. Both of you are really sweating now. You kiss him deeply, never decreasing your pace, your tongues entangling around each other, grabbing the strands of his hair.

God, how much he loves it.

He loves it much more now, because he sees how this time, he’s not the only one feeling something beyond physical pleasure. He knows you too damn well. It’s just like that morning at your house. You’re feeling it, too. 

You love him, too.

Thinking about it makes him smile. You think it’s simultaneously the hottest and the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen.

Jungkook simply circles his arms around your waist and completely switches positions, throwing you on your back on the bed, which makes you giggle. He finally gets rid of your panties and hovers over you, thrusting inside of you once again.

His pace is fast and steady from the beginning. Your moans get higher and higher, louder and louder. You love how his face is so close to yours, how strongly he’s hitting you, how he tightly intertwines his fingers with yours (Jungkook really is the type to intertwine his hands when having sex!)

It’s ridiculous how you feel your eyes welling up with tears in a moment like this.

This moment… It’s not just bodies connecting - it’s souls. 

You used to think you and Jungkook didn’t match; you were opposites in many ways. Jungkook is an introvert, you are an extrovert. Jungkook prefers quiet places, you prefer parties. Jungkook works out, you’re too lazy to do so. Jungkook hates coffee. You can’t live without it.

But, it’s in this moment - when he’s inside of you, when all of your senses are stunned by pure pleasure, when everything you can smell is him and everything you can hear is the sounds of bodies against bodies and when everything you can see is his beautiful starry eyes looking right back at you - is when you realize how wrong you were all along.

You’re like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. They need to be different to match. They are different, but when you put them two together, they complete each other.

You’ve always matched.

Seulgi didn't expect to find Jungkook standing in the kitchen when she came home.

Of course - you told her that the flight back home was scheduled at night and you'd probably arrive in the morning. This shouldn't be surprising. Yet, Seulgi still widens her eyes when she sees Jeon Jungkook cooking breakfast, his hair a mess, his face slightly swollen - an indication that he just woke up - wearing shorts and a white t-shirt.

He turns around and smiles. "Oh! Y/N didn't tell me you were coming back so early." He sounds a little bit surprised.

Seulgi notices it immediately.

That smile on his face and those gleamy eyes are just shown by someone that had a long, steamy and tiring night of sex.

Sure, Seulgi knows that you and Jungkook made up - and that you've been fucking for months now - but damn, it's still shocking to see it with her own eyes, considering that you only looked like good friends.

"I didn't know I'd come back early, too." Seulgi says, sitting by the tiny kitchen counter. She was expecting to spend the weekend at Irene’s penthouse, but she had to work. This is one of the reasons why Seulgi loves Irene; Irene could just enjoy her fortune and do nothing, yet, she decides to actively work for the company. She’s admirable.

"Do you want breakfast?" He asks over his shoulder.

"Well… I already had breakfast, but this is smelling really good." She admits. Jungkook nods and proceeds to prepare one more portion. She just watches in silence as he works around the kitchen (and she's also surprised that he knows where everything is, every pot, every spoon, literally everything). He hums quietly, that tiny satisfied smile never leaving his lips. 

Seulgi thinks she has never seen him so happy.

It's kind of adorable.

"So, how was your job?" She asks.

"It was great!" Jungkook says excitedly. He chuckles. "I thought I was going to be the assistant of the assistant, but actually I was everyone's assistant. I didn't really do much, but it was great anyways. It's totally different to study about it and see how things work in real life."

Before Seulgi says anything, she sees you coming from your bedroom.

Your face is swollen and your eyes are barely opened; it seems you're not even seeing where you're going. Your hair is a complete mess. You wear one of Jungkook's shirts and Seulgi suspects you're not wearing anything under it.

She watches as you walk on a beeline straight to Jungkook and hug him from behind, burying your face on his back.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" At least that's what she thinks you said, because your voice sounds muffled.

"Because you looked so funny that I didn't want to wake you up." He says softly. Seulgi can hear his smile. "You were drooling and all. I even took some pictures."

"You didn't."

"I did." Jungkook giggles when you punch his back, but still keep your body glued on him. 

"Fuck you. What are you cooking anyways? It smells too fucking good." You mumble.

"It's my special recipe." Jungkook moves to take something on the cabinet. You go along. "I can't cook if you keep smashing me like this."

"I don't caaare."

"Since when do you like hugging so much?"

"You didn't know girlfriend Y/N. Girlfriend Y/N likes long hugs."

Jungkook chuckles again. "Nice to meet you, Girlfriend Y/N."

Seulgi just stares, jaw dropped. From all the things she thought she’d see in her life, this is the most unexpected.

This is so cheesy. So not you. Not even when you were dating Mike you were like this. 

And Jesus- she has never seen you look happy like this.

You turn your head to look at Seulgi, and she watches awkwardly as you let go of Jungkook and proceed to walk in her direction. You kind of look like a really happy zombie.

“Oh, good morning, Seul. Don’t be jealous. I love you toooo.”

And you throw your arms around her shoulders, hugging her so tightly that she almost falls from the stool.

The only person that doesn’t get shocked at your relationship is your mother.

You casually called her just to talk and gave the news. What she said?

“Well, finally.” 

Everyone else is utterly shocked.

When Hoseok saw you kissing each other goodbye the other day - it was just a peck - his eyes got so wide that it seemed they were about to pop out of his face. He stared at you and him, completely shocked, as Jimin just laughed. That was pretty much everyone’s reaction.

You and Jungkook were never the type to be too touchy. It’s still kind of awkward to hand hold in public or call each other things like babe or love. You physically cringe just thinking of calling him “babe”, honestly.

It’s weird, because you’re “officially” dating now, but your relationship isn’t all that different. All the overwhelming awkwardness between you is gone (thankfully), so now you do what you always did; you swear at each other, you have your violent ways of showing affection, he still ghosts you because he’s too busy playing whatever game. The only difference is that now you can fuck without feeling guilty (and oh boy, you’ve been fucking a lot these days) and there’s a lot of kissing. There wasn’t that much kissing back then.

You thought it was impossible, but sex is even better now. It’s more exciting and even funnier - especially because there’s no awkwardness weighting in the room after you both reach your climaxes. Instead, there’s giggles and hugs and soft kisses. You also sleep at each other’s places now, which is good.

To be honest, if you think really hard about it, you’ve been lowkey dating for years. It’s just that now, you fuck a lot. 

When you tell him this, Jungkook just chuckles. You don’t think he’s really listening to what you’re saying, though - nor you’re thinking straight anymore. You went out with your friends at a karaoke and, as expected, ended up drinking way too much; you and Seulgi had a singing competition in which none of you won (Irene just sat there looking absolutely embarrassed), Jimin sang a little bit but disappeared at some point (Jungkook said he noticed some hot guy in the side room), Hoseok got so emotional singing Haru Haru by BigBang that he started crying as Seokjin laughed so hard he almost choked, and Jungkook didn’t sing at all (because everybody knew he’s actually good at it and he would humiliate everyone else), until Jungkook silently asked if you wanted to leave (and you did) and you two left before anyone could notice (they were too drunk to notice anyway).

Since he’s drinking, you took a bus. The wrong bus. You’re at the other side of the city now, sitting on the bench of a park, watching the sun rise. It sounds romantic, but really, everything you see is heavy traffic and the grey pollution line in the horizon, almost blocking the sun.

Not that you care.

“We did everything backwards.” Jungkook says, his voice low and a little bit husky. His eyes look heavy because of the alcohol. You love how his hair is tied in a tiny ponytail. “People usually are friends first, then go out on dates, then they fuck.”

“We jumped straight to the fun part!” You say as if it’s obvious. He giggles again. 

Peaceful silence. Jungkook watches your intertwined hands sitting on his lap, a small smile on his face. You can see that, even though he’s right by your side, his mind must be far, far away. He’s clearly sleepy. It’s silly - you know this guy almost your entire life, you already have memorized each detail about him - but you can’t take your eyes off of him right now.

You inhale.

“You know.” You start absently. “I saw the video.”

Jungkook frowns and looks at you. “What video?”

You’re trying really hard to hold back a smile.

“I think it’s called euphoria final test I swear to God.”

His eyes widen.

“W-What? Who showed you?!” He groans. “Jimin. Oh my God- I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

You start laughing as you see blush creeping on his cheeks and ears. He hides his face behind his hands and moans painfully.

“Why are you so embarrassed?” You ask, endeared, trying to get his hands off from his face, but he won’t let you.

“You weren’t supposed to watch that! It’s- it wasn’t- ugh!”

“But the song is beautiful, Kook!” You try, still laughing.

“Yeah, the song is alright, but the video?”

“What’s wrong with the video?”

He finally side eyes you for a few seconds. The blush on his cheeks gets redder. He hides his face again, groaning.

“You weren’t supposed to find out about that. Shit, I can’t look at you anymore. I wanna fucking die.”

“Stop being so dramatic!” After a lot of effort, you finally manage to cup his face with your hands. Still, he avoids your gaze. “Hey, hey. Look at me!”

He does.

He looks sheepish and it’s adorable.

“I loved it. Every second of it. You’re so damn talented.”

“B-But I didn’t write the song alone… Namjoon takes most of the credits with the lyrics. I just helped a little bit. A-And you know, it was just for fun, it’s not an official demo or anything-”

He’s forced to shut up when you peck his lips.

“I love you.”

He knits his eyebrows a little bit.

“You like to say this a lot.” He notices quietly. “I didn’t know you were this type of person.”

“I’m not.” You agree. “But it’s because it’s you.”

You’ve been “officially” dating for, what, almost two weeks now? People usually don’t say “I love you” this early. But this isn’t the beginning for you two. It’s more like a progression. It feels natural, like it has always been with him.

It feels like home.

Jungkook avoids your gaze again. The blush hasn’t gone away. “I don’t know what to do when you say things like that- why are you crying?!”

It’s Jungkook’s time to laugh at you as you try to wipe the tears away. He pulls you to rest your head on his chest, hugging you tightly.

“I am supposed to be the emotional one here, not you.” He says, still laughing.

“Shut up. I’m drunk.” 

“Yeah, sure.” His laughter slowly dies until it’s just a quiet giggle. You feel his scent, hear the beating of his heart. Jungkook kisses the top of your head gently, caressing your back. “I’m gonna be so embarrassed when I remember I said this tomorrow,” he says softly against your hair. “But I think I’ve loved you ever since that first day of school when we bumped into each other on our way.”

You bury your face on his chest even more.

Everything around you is blurred and distant. It seems that nothing really matters besides right here, right now - as if you’ve never realized what you’ve been waiting for your whole life. This moment.

Him.

The puzzle is finally complete.

[pink-surftable]

Initials (Pt. 4) | Kaz Brekker

kaz brekker x fem!reader

ps: english is not my first language so if there are some gramatical mistakes i would love if you pointed them out so i can improve.

hi everyone here’s part 4!!! just wanted to say a big thank you to all of you. i’m amazed by the amount of notes, coments and new followers! i love you all <3 next part it’s the last!!!!!

warning: i think kaz is a bit ooc in this one but it’s nothing crazy don’t worry! and also pekka mentions kaz’s brother but i’m not sure if he knows about him so i’m sorry if that’s wrong.

part 3

summary: after a mission goes wrong kaz does everything in his power to save you.

——————————————————————————

The sight in front of him made Kaz Brekker shiver.

He didn’t know if it was from anger or pain or heartbreak, but seeing you there in that chair all beat up, made him want to throw up.

“Finally. The party can start now” Pekka said with an amused tone “The lady and I were getting a bit bored up here, Brekker. I thought we’d have to find a way to entertain ourselves” He said standing behind Y/N and putting his hands on her shoulders while he rested his head on top of hers.

The mere mention of his name made you look up. Kaz looked away. He couldn’t bear it. The thought of tha man touching her.

“Let her go. You wanted me. Here I am” the man snickered “Oh, but what’s the fun in that? Please, Brekker sit down, I believe we have business to discuss”

The last thing he wanted was to spend any more time in that place. He wanted to get Y/N and get out and then kill that man for hurting her. But he knew he had to obey if he wanted this to work out, so he took a step closer and sat on one of the chairs.

Pekka remained leaning in front of his desk, not far from where Kaz’s was sitting

“What do you want, Rollins? What is it that you want to let her go?” Kaz snapped. If he didn’t get an answer soon he was gonna explode right there.

“Mmm, you know, I’m not quite sure. Seeing you tremble at the sight of you girl all beaten up has been a gift on it’s own. So I wonder what else could I do to this poor girl that would make you tick even more?” Pekka said standing straight and circling your body as he traced your shoulders with his hands, placing some hairs behind your ear and tracing your lips. But this time you didn’t do anything. You didn’t have the strength to move. You felt weak and ashamed. You hated the way he touched you. Like you were his. Like he could do what he wanted with you.

Kaz was staring. Brows furrowed and knuckles white from the deadly grip he had on his cane. He was able to get a better look at her now.

She was badly injured. Her arms and legs scattered with bruises. Her once white shirt was now ripped and soaked red. Blood was dripping from her lower lip. But what stood out to Kaz was her waist, his initials clearly visible in her skin. That made him lose his composure. His eyes widened and if looks could kill Pekka Rollins would be deep underground right that instant.

“Oh come on! You don’t like it either? Isn’t she yours Brekker? Don’t you go around threatening people at the mere mention of her name? I thought you liked getting your things marked up” He said as he traced the initials on your skin with his fingers.

“You should be thankful they are yours Brekker. I could’ve easily carved mine. Don’t you think? I mean personally I think mine would’ve looked much better on you sweetheart” Kaz looked at you and at that moment he felt his heart stop. You were crying. Maybe from pain, maybe from exhaustion, he didn’t know. The only thing he was certain was that he would bury that man for what he’d done. For what he was saying to you. For what he was implying. For the way he talked as if you were a simple object in the room.

But deep down he knew. Everything was his fault.

He was keeping you there in the hell that was Ketterdam. He was the one putting you in danger on impossible missions. He was at fault for all the suffering you’ve gone through in the last couple of hours.

A single tear ran down Kaz Brekker’s face and Pekka Rollins couldn’t contain his amusement any longer.

“Wow, that was emotional, even for you Brekker. I mean I knew she was definitely your weakness but I didn’t know I just had to tie a girl up and push her around a little for you to submit so easily” At that Kaz’s eyes snapped right back at him.

Gripping his cane he shoved it into Pekka’s chest. “Don’t talk about her like that. Don’t touch her like that. Don’t even breathe in her direction ever again or I swear to all Saints I will burn this whole place down along with you. She’s mine”

“Oh, but I thought you didn’t like her being marked up” He answered almost laughing.

“Calm down boy, we haven’t finished with our proper business” He said lightly shoving Kaz off of him and going to sit on his desk ”Now tell me, what do you have to offer?”

Your eyes widened when you saw the paper. The Crow Club. “Kaz” You snapped. Both men glanced at you “Don’t Kaz. I know how much that means to you. You shouldn’t do it. It’s not worth it”

“It’s worthy for you” He replied showing such an immense amount of vulnerability you thought you were dreaming.

Pekka rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed “Ah young love isn’t it cute. I think your pretty Club would be a nice payment. But it’s just not enough” He said, reaching for something in one of his drawers.

“You know Brekker, to be fair the only thing I’ve always wanted from you was just to simply see you break. Your brother, your Crows and now your girl. You’ll see everyone you love, everyone you care for, fall right in front of your eyes and with the weight of shame and blame on your shoulders you’ll be the last to fall, after witnessing it all” Now he was approaching your body with a gun in his hands.

You were doing your best, putting all your strength into freeing yourself but you just couldn't do it. You thought that was it, so you looked Kaz right in the eyes and said “Kaz Brekker, I love you no matter what. This isn’t your fault, none of this is. I love you. Don’t ever forget that, but don’t mourn me either. Hang onto my love but not to the fact that I’m gone”

He couldn’t hold it any more. He couldn’t pretend to be strong any longer and Kaz Brekker stared right into your eyes like he was seeing a ghost. His blue eyes were so cold and lifeless you could feel a chill down your bones.

“Isn’t she the sweetest?” Pekka said, finally pointing his gun at you, when suddenly you heard a big explosion going off and then the door busted open.

taglist: @heavenlymidnight @06072543 @thefandomplace @aleksanderwh0r3 @kykymyeon @rika90 @otterly-fey @cc13723things @starxqt

[cha-melodius]

So this is not an ask, I actually just finished your 101k Napollya Chess Fic “Love is a Losing Game” I am currently sick with covid and this fic has sort of kept me awake and present and not bored out of my mind for about the last week or so. I wanted to thank you immensely, I actually recommended it to a buddy when I was about halfway through with it (I recommended it yesterday and I’m not even ashamed that I read 50-something k words so quickly because it’s so beautiful) Thank you for the beautiful work and for how bittersweet it felt, I’ve been a TMFU fan for a few years now and have read a lot of Napollya fics in these last few years and yours is one of the best if not the best that I’ve read. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person after this.

All my best wishes in your future writing endeavors (I’ll probably be checking out some of your other works as well) and thank you again for bringing such a beautiful piece of art into the world. If I could, I would write a love letter to it that’s how much I’m enamored.

Thank you so much for this lovely lovely message. The timing on this was particularly perfect, because I just watched Pawn Sacrifice last night and now I'm having all kinds of big feelings about that crazy time in my life where learned a stupid amount of chess history for a fanfic. I can't express how much it means to me to get messages like this where people tell me the fic really touched them or even changed them (I got a similar one from someone else not that long ago too), because just, wow. I write to share the stories that I just can't keep inside my brain, but messages like this are truly what makes all the research, and the struggling through difficult scenes, and worry about whether people will actually like the ending of this ridiculously long fic, all worth it in the end.

Thank you a million times for recommending it too, word of mouth is so wonderful and essential for a fanfic writer. I hope you enjoy some of my other fics as well. And by the way, you definitely did write a love letter to this fic, just now, so thank you again. 🥰

[tinyboxxtink]

"Clueless" *Part 13*

Okay so this is 10 pages in my google doc right, and I swear I don't-- I don't know if I have more than one more chapter left in me from here guys! I might divide this one--- Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. This is gonna be slightly short, but then I'm IMMEDIATELY putting up another chapter, also slightly short. But it all leads to the finale, that will have to go up tomorrow. Cool? Cool.

Also- Warning SOME smutty smut? Awkward smut. LuLz.

(let's pretend/assume the girl in the gif is the reader yeah?)

Tag List

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@milkshqke

@gibbs274

@lolliepopsicle

@aprildecker-blog

@word-scribbless

@objection-argumentative

@stars-in-the-skies-world

Part 12

Part 14

-------

You both quickly undressed each other, kissing each other all over one another’s bodies. You hadn’t had a lot of sex, and you were guessing Josh hadn’t either guessing on his response to your question about this. But you suppose you were both going to do your best.

“I um, am I hurting you?” Josh asked while he nibbled down the sides of your neck.

“What? No I’m fine babe, keep going,” You muttered, trying to stay in it.

“Look at this sloppy cabron,” You saw an image of Rafael standing in the middle of your bedroom. “He has no clue what he’s doing. You know you’d much rather have me nibbling on you, carino,”

“Shut up,” you growled.

“What?” Josh looked at you confused.

“What? Nothing baby, I’m sorry,”

Josh shrugged and continued, taking one finger and jamming it in your opening.

“Ow!!!” You screamed. It was so jarring and clinical, like a tampon being shoved up there too fast.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry babe, I thought-- I thought girls liked that,” It was dark but you could hear the blush in his voice.

“Baby you…” You half smiled, taking his hand and guiding it slowly around your opening. “You have to go slow, soft,”

“Oh. Right, yeah no of course,” He nervously chuckled, mimicking your movements. He continued to slowly circle your opening, slowly inching inside you. You closed your eyes and moaned softly, enjoying the sensation.

“Look at those stubs,” You heard Rafael’s voice again. “My long loving fingers wouldn’t be so rough with you,”

“Go away,” You muttered, trying to focus on Josh’s fingers inside you.

“What?” Josh stopped mid-circle inside you.

“I-I said, Go...faster,” You lied.

“Oh, Ok….can I, can I go inside you?” Josh asked softly.

“Yes, baby you don’t have to ask,” You were sort of getting annoyed now; You hadn’t had sex with tons of people, but you knew how to be sexier than this.

“See he’s a child! Asking, pleading, fumbling in the dark. You need a man who knows how to take care of you, amante,” Rafael’s voice sounded like it was right in your ear.

“Josh, let’s just agree right now to everything. Anything you wanna do to me, do it. If I don’t like it, trust me I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Okay!” He seemed more excited, now plunging into you deeply and pumping fast. Now this was more like it.

“Oh yes, yes right there…” You moaned, which encouraged him more.

“Yeah baby, you like that?” Josh asked in a sultry voice.

“Mmmm yes,” You moaned, glancing at the foot of your bed. Rafael’s image was standing there, smirking. You couldn’t help it, you tried to fight it. You shut your eyes tight and focused on the pleasure. It was getting more and more intense.

“Yes, oh baby deeper,” You moaned. Josh obliged, plunging harder and faster inside you.

“Yes….oh god Rafa right there….”

Your eyes shot open, a hand went over your mouth. Luckily, Josh was so into his own pleasure and you had whispered low enough that he had no idea what had just happened. But you did. You laid there, knowing full well now that you wished this was Rafael. You shut your eyes and just let yourself imagine it was him, you couldn’t fight it anymore.

Soon you were moaning and screaming, mentally concentrating on not saying ANY words, just moans trying to convince Josh you were enjoying him inside you. You were still getting there when you felt Josh’s legs vibrating.

“Baby…” He moaned. “I’m gonna… should I…?”

“Yes please don’t get me pregnant,” You said, more rude than you intended. He was so lost in his orgasm he didn’t notice, but immediately pulled out and ejaculated all over your sheets.

“Wow, that was amazing…” He fell back against you, sighing in relief. You however, were still waiting on your own orgasm.

“I um, I have to-- wash off,” You lied, climbing out of the bed. He nodded, still out of breath. You went inside the bathroom and locked the door. You sat against the door and spread your legs, inserting your own fingers and pumping them in and out of you.

“Yes, baby. That’s it…” Now you heard Rafael’s voice again. “I’m right here, I’m inside you…”

You moved your fingers faster, imaging Rafael’s lips all over you. “You smell so good carino, god I love it when you’re wet for me,” You bit your lip in pleasure, now bucking against your own fingers. “I love you so much, Y/N,” You could hear him purr. “Now, go for me…”

You felt the waves of an orgasm crash against you, your fingers now slowing their pace, you slumped against the door in relief. The pleasure was immense from just imagining Rafael being there, you couldn’t imagine what it would be like to actually have him. But.. you would never know.

The pleasure from your “session” was suddenly overridden by a surge of grief. Grief of what had just transpired not even an hour ago. You finally had him, you had him in your mouth. His hands all over you, it was like you could still feel them. That’s why it was so easy to replicate the feeling while pleasuring yourself. You knew what they felt like now. But...that’s all it was. You knew that was the most you’d ever get from him, a kiss goodbye. You were not about to just forget your principles and your feelings about being hidden away like a dirty secret. No matter how pleasurable his lips were.

Why couldn’t he just... man up? Why was he so afraid? Were you that awful? Was he that ashamed of you? Why didn’t he love you enough?

He had said the words, he said them out loud! You repeated them over and over, but the more you did the more you remembered the tone. As if he was saying:

“You’re lucky I’m saying this at all, how can you be walking away from ME? The great Rafael Barba.”

Josh would never talk to you like that, he was so soft and so kind. So wonderful. Why couldn’t...Why couldn’t Rafael be that…?

All of a sudden, you realized you were crying. You were crying softly, but quickly grew louder the more you thought about Rafael. He would be so smug if he knew that he got in your head, just like he said he had. He would be giddy with victory knowing that he was on your mind the entire time. You grabbed a towel off your towel rack and sobbed into it, trying to tell yourself to calm down. Trying to remind yourself that there was a beautiful, amazing man right in the next room. Not a snarky asshole. Josh made you feel safe and loved, not like some dark curse. You composed yourself and went back into the room, where unfortunately for you Josh had turned on the lights.

“Oh my god...baby are you okay?” He jumped out of the bed and ran over to you, immediately taking you in his arms and cuddling you. See, how could you want Rafael over this?

“Yeah, I’m just-- I’m tired,” You lied, nodding your head. “Can we just...take a nap?”

“Of course, whatever you want,” He took you back to bed and spooned you, stroking your hair.

“You were wonderful, Y/N. I’ve never had it so good,” He whispered. You felt half confused, half guilty. You hadn’t really done anything, except imagine another guy.

….I’m glad, Josh,” You smiled, snuggling into him, hoping he would just fall asleep and not push it any further. He did.

-----

Later, you and Josh walked into the living room to get something to eat. You were greeted with Ariel sitting on the couch flipping through channels.

“OOOOOOoooohhh!!!!” She teased. “And what were YOU two doing?”

“....Studying,” Josh smirked.

“Uh huh, studying each other’s bodies,” Ariel smirked back.

“Ariel!” You walked over and smacked her playfully.

“Y/N we’re all adults here, if you can’t discuss sex freely you’re going to have a very hard time in adulthood,”

“Hey Ariel, give her a break,” Josh came up behind you and kissed your head. “I totally get it,”

“Awww, it’s like watching two care bears copulate,” Ariel said mockingly.

“Ha Ha,” You rolled your eyes as you walked to the kitchen.

---

--Meanwhile in the living room---

“So you two had fun?” Ariel wiggled her eyebrows.

“...Yeah,” Josh nodded slightly.

“What’s that look?”

“I don’t know, she said some weird stuff,” He shrugged.

“Like what?” She asked quizzically.

“I...I don’t know, lots of mumbles,”

“Maybe you were so good she started talking in tongues,” She laughed.

“Oh yeah, totally that’s it,”

“Hey do you wanna continue our conversation tomorrow? I really want to try this bistro that Y/N won’t go with me to,” Ariel asked, glancing at the kitchen where you were.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, something about how they cook their food. Animal cruelty, or MSG or some crap like that, I tune out when she rambles,” She rolled her eyes.

“You’re so mean!” He lightly poked her. “Yeah, sounds good,” He paused, looking in the kitchen. “....Do you think it’s weird, us hanging out without her?”

“What? No, it’s totally innocent,” She waved her hands dismissively.

“....Then why haven't we told her?” Josh asked her seriously. They both looked at each other for a long moment.

“Hey Ariel what happened to the pizza that was in here?” You suddenly came walking into the living room, interrupting their conversation.

“Oh I...I think I ate it while I was high the other day,” She blushed.

“ARIEL,” You looked at her horrified. “You can’t smoke weed in your mom’s house!!”

“Relax, Debbie Do Good, I smoke on the deck,” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh good so the neighbor’s can call the cops,” You crossed your arms.

“Josh maybe you should take her back in there and ‘chill her out’ some more,” She made crude actions with her hands.

“Actually I should be getting back, you know to ACTUALLY study,” He started to get up and walk out. “Although I don’t know how much it will help, not like Barba is ever going to give me that internship,”

“Do you want me to go rough him up for you Joshie?” Ariel laughed in a patronizing tone.

“No, thank you Ari,” He teased back. “I’ll call you later baby,” He kissed your cheek and walked out the door.

[justthehiddleswrites]

To The Victor... | Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Summary:  You made the mistake of betting against Tom on tennis. And now he is ready to collect his reward. All week.

Warnings: Smut, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Deepthroating, Light Dom/sub, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Aftercare, Cock Slut, Teasing

-

“You cheated!” you screamed as Andy Murray won the match.

“You should know better than to bet against me.” Tom pumped his fist in the air. “And how dare you question me!”

“You had insider information!” You slammed your fist against the couch.

“You are just mad you lost, darling.” Tom gloated as he headed off out of the room.

You pouted before jumping to your feet to follow him. “Can we re-negotiate the terms?”

Tom spun on his heels. “I thought you were so confident you would win that the terms.”

Your eyes glanced down at the floor. “That’s before I lost. You aren’t going to make me do it all week, are you?” Your eyes grew hopeful as you stared into Tom’s face.

Tom’s face softened as he took your hand to pull you against him. His arms wrapped around your waist. He pulled your chin high, so you looked deep into his impossibly blue eyes.

“Darling…” he kissed your lips soft, his fingers tucked under your chin. “… we start tomorrow.” He kissed your cheek as your jaw dropped. “Rest up!”

You stood rooted as you watched your smug boyfriend wander up the stairs.

-

You rolled over the next morning to find Tom snoring; the sheets settled around his waist. You drew lazy circles along Tom’s bare back, and he sighed in contentment.

“Morning.” Tom muttered as his eyes fluttered open.

“Morning.” you smiled.

Tom smiled back, and you caught a glint in his eye. “Now about my prize.”

“You were serious about that?”

“To the victor goes the spoils.” His hands cup your face. “And I am the victor, so…” he flung the sheets off to reveal his naked form. “… spoil me.”

“But blowjobs for an entire week?” you whined. “Isn’t that a bit excessive?”

Tom’s eyes darkened. “You agreed. We always repay our debts.” His voice stern. “If you weren’t willing to follow through, then you shouldn’t have played.”

With a huff, you lowered yourself down Tom’s body. His fingers laced through your hair. “Don’t be shy, darling.” he urged.

You took his shaft into your hand as you licked the tip. Tom moaned.

“Yes, dear.” he whispered as he tugged on your hair.

You took him into your mouth. Tom’s breath hitched. You smiled as you hollowed your cheeks to suction against him. Tom pushed you down further before you gagged. Tom loosened his grip, and you swirled your tongue along his shaft. You bobbed your head up and down.

“Your mouth feels amazing.” Tom panted. “Don’t stop.”

His breath came into short, and shallow pants as you continued to suck upon him. You hummed against his cock as Tom bucked his hips into you.

“I’m close. I’m close.” Tom moaned as his balls tightened.

You swirled your tongue around the head and Tom spilled into your mouth with a moan. “Yes!” You continued to suck until Tom lifted you off.

“That… was… amazing.” he breathed as he pulled you to lie on his chest. He kissed your forehead. His chest vibrated as he laughed. “But we need to work on your gag reflex.”

You punched him in the arm as he continued to laugh.

-

You worked late the next day and Tom needed to attend an event. When you returned home, the house was still, and you assumed Tom was still out.

“You’re late.” Tom’s voice called out as you stepped into the bedroom.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” you asked as you squinted to make out his form in the oversized armchair in the corner.

“I waited for you. No call. No text.” His voice rising in anger. “I was worried.”

“I thought you would be late because of your event. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.”

“I left earlier to come home and spend time with my girlfriend.” Tom stood and took your hands, pulling you back to the chair. “Only to find the house dark and cold.”

“I’m sorry.” You looked away, not trusting yourself to cry. “Next time I will call.”

Tom smiled as he sat back down. “I know just the thing you can do to make up for this transgression.” He undid his belt and unzip his pants, pulling free his cock. “Kneel.”

You lowered to your knees in front of Tom. He combed his fingers through your hair. “Now show me how sorry you are.”

You took him into your mouth and greedily began sucking. Tom’s head fell back against the chair. You lifted on your knees and balanced upon Tom’s thighs.

“That’s right, darling. Put that mouth to good use.” Tom bucked into you. You breathed through your nose and took him deeper than before.

“God, you are magic! Fuck!” Tom groaned as he resisted the urge speed up.

Tom’s groans ignited your own arousal, and you removed one of your hands to slide it between your legs. When Tom opened his eyes and glanced down at you pleasuring yourself.

“What are you doing?” Tom asked as he pulled you off your knees. He jerked you onto his lap. He wiped the saliva and smeared lipstick from your face. “Does sucking on my cock give you pleasure?”

Your cheeks heated as Tom’s hands pushed your skirt up to around your hips. “Answer me.” He snapped your head to face him.

You nodded, not trusting your voice.

“I need to hear you say it, pet.” His eyes sparked with a look you saw only peering from a TV screen framed with long, dark locks.

“Yes.” you whispered.

“Do not feel ashamed of your pleasure.” Tom slid your panties to the side. “For I am not.” Without another word, he slid inside you.

You gasped at the intrusion. Tom chuckled, the vibrations causing you to moan.

“Fuck, Tom!” He thrusted into you.

You gripped his shoulders for dear life as he relentlessly fucked into you. His fingertips held a bruising grip on your hips. “You feel amazing around my cock. You are such slut for my cock, aren’t you?”

You whimpered in response. Tom smacked your right ass cheek as he stopped. “Say it!”

You whined, and Tom bucked once into you before stilling again. He smacked the left cheek. “I said ‘say it’. You know it’s true, why deny it?”

“I am slut for your cock.” you moaned. “Please.” you begged as you rocked in Tom’s lap.

Tom laughed at your desperate attempts to orgasm. “You are truly desperate. Allow me to assist.”

Tom rutted into you with abandon. The two of you moaned as Tom hit your g-spot and you ground your hips against him.

“Cum for me. I want you to clench around me.” Tom circled your clit, bringing you closer which each stroke.

“Tom!” you screamed as your walls spasmed around him.

“Yes!” Tom echoed as he came, spilling into you.

You slumped against Tom’s damp button-down shirt. Tom smoothed your hair. “You are exquisite. How about a nice bath?” Tom kissed your forehead.

“Sounds nice.”

Tom lifted in his arms as if you weighed little more than a feather and placed you on the bed.

“Wait here while I run the water.”

“Thanks honey.”

“Anything for you.” Tom walked away, stripping off the rest of his clothes. Your eyes fluttered open and closed as you the sounds of running water float through the air.

-

Tom took immense pleasure in teasing you over the next several days. You thought the man would tire but his sex drive was insatiable.

“I am never betting against you again!” you cursed as you had once again woken Tom up with your mouth.

“That is a shame because I am getting used to this VIP treatment.” Tom leaned back on his pillow.

“Enjoy this Sparkles, because today is the last day and if you think for one second, we are continuing with this arrangement, you have another thing coming.”

Tom curled your hair around his finger. “But it is so much fun…” you shot him a withering glance. Tom cleared his throat. “… for me.”

“Exactly… for you.” you grumbled.

Tom kissed you. “Now how about I make us some breakfast?”

Tom kissed you. “Now how about I make us some breakfast.”

“Sounds divine.” you hummed. “I am going to take a shower.”

Tom kissed you again before getting up and tugging on a pair of boxers. “I will meet you downstairs.”

Tom jogged towards the kitchen while you relished the few moments of silence. You snuggled back into the pillows.

“I don’t hear water running, darling. Are you okay? I could join you for round two!” You heard the laugh in Tom’s voice.

“No need, I’m up.” You yelled back.

Tom’s laugh flitted through the air as you dragged yourself to the bathroom.

-

You ate breakfast and slipped your shoes on and gathered your bag.

“Where are you going?” Tom asked as he placed his plate in the sink.

“Out.”

“Out where?”

You smirked as you rose on your toes to kiss his nose. “A girl must have her secrets.”

You walked away, but Tom grabbed your hand and whipped you back into your arms. “Fine, but I expect to be rewarded for my self-restraint.”

You stifled a laugh. “Well, your middle name is self-restraint.” Your arms wrapped around his neck.

“I know you are astounded from all the times I have held back.” Tom nipped behind your ear. “All the times I have held my tongue.” he whispered as he kissed along your jawline.

“You are truly a pillar of strength.” Your fingers twirled in the hair along the nape of his neck. “Now if you excuse me…” You gave him a quick peck on the lips. “… I have shopping to do!”

You hurried out the front door before Tom could protest and headed off towards the stores.

-

Tom busied himself in the study reading scripts for future projects while you shopped. His thoughts returned to the more intimate activities of the past week and his jeans grew tight. He had taken full advantage of his victory, and he knew he had pushed the boundaries with you. It excited him to no end.

“Delightful.” he hummed to himself as he remembered your submissiveness, your compliance.

Your opening of your door startled Tom from his daydream. He met you in the living room and found you setting a pile of bags onto the couch.

“Wow, am I going to regret the credit card bill next month?” Tom gestured at the multitude of bags.

“No, there were sales and some of this is for you.” You plucked the smallest bag among the bunch. “Like this.” You waggled it in front of him.

“The last I checked they did not sell my brand of boxers at… Agent Provocateur?!” Tom’s eyes widened and once again his jeans tightened.

“Give me 10 minutes and then join me upstairs.” You swayed your hips as you walked up the stairs. Tom stared down at the clock on the wall, his foot shaking and tapping with anticipation.

After about six minutes passed, Tom headed up the stairs. You were nowhere to be found.

“Darling?” he called out to the closed bathroom door.

“You’re early.” you scolded through the door.

“You didn’t expect me to wait like a petulant child, did you?” Tom chuckled as he tugged on his shirt collar.

“No.” You opened the door. “That’s why I prepared.”

Tom’s mouth dropped at the sight of you. You wore a coordinating black lingerie set. If lingerie was the right word for it. To Tom it appeared as scraps of fabric covering only the most intimate parts of your body while accentuating your soft curves.

“Hmhnmh.” Tom gurgled. You giggled. You sauntered towards him in your stockings and high heels. “Is it hot in here?” Tom croaked as he again tugged at his shirt.

“I’m rather chilly.” you cooed as you pulled Tom to standing and took his place at the edge of the bed. “Now, you have a few more hours before the terms of the bet are over. What would you like to do?”

Tom ran his hands through his short curls. “Huh? What?” Tom flushed, and you pulled him close, palming him through his jeans.

“If I knew this was all it took to keep you quiet, I would have gone shopping ages ago.”

You tugged at jeans pulling them and his boxers down, letting them pool at his ankles. You spun on the bed with your head hanging off the edge. Your breasts threatening to pop out of your flimsy bra at any moment. “Now tell me what you want?”

Tom cleared his throat as he used his feet to remove his jeans and boxers completely. “Stay just like that.” Tom croaked, regaining his ability to speak. He walked towards you, his erection in front of your face. “Open.” he said with authority.

You smiled as you complied, open wide.

“Good girl.” he praised as he teased the tip along your lips, smearing drops of pre-cum. You licked as he pulled back.

“You taste delicious.” You hummed.

Tom groaned as he thrusted into your mouth. You draped your head over the edge of your bed relaxing your throat and breathing through your nose, and Tom pushed all the way down your throat. His hair tickled your face.

“Yes, take all of me.”

Tom reached down and squeezed your breast. You moaned around his cock. Tom pawed at your breasts as his eyes fluttered open and close.

“Fuck, darling.” he exclaimed as he fucked your face in earnest.

You lay on the bed, moaning as Tom took what he wanted from you. You were at his mercy, which only spurred your arousal, soaking through your panties.

Tom’s breath grew erratic as he continued to thrust as saliva dripped from the corners of your mouth. You gripped the sheets for leverage.

“Fuck darling. I want to cum inside you.” Tom pulled out of your mouth. “Turn around.”

You scrambled onto all fours, and the mattress moved as Tom climbed behind you.

“So wet for me.” You gasped as Tom’s long fingers teased along your slit.

Your head dropped to the bed. You thrusted your hips back. Tom gave a playful smack to your ass. “Not until I say so. Who is in charge?”

“You.”

Tom smacked your ass again. “Who is in charge?”

“You are, sir.”

“That’s right. And what are you?” Tom teased your cock along your folds and moaned again.

“I am just a slut for your cock.”

Tom plunged into you and grabbed your hips. “That’s right. You are my cockslut. You are mine.” He rutted into you, and you bucked to meet his thrusts.

“Yes, sir! I am your cockslut.” The words fell from your lips with no thought. You were desperate, needy.

“Do you want to cum?” Tom leaned over, his lean torso pressed against your back. “Have you earned it? Do you deserve it?”

“Yes sir, please let me cum. I have been a good girl.”

Tom smacked your ass. You yelped. “Wearing clothes like this?” Tom growled.

“Please. Please.” you begged.

Tom pressed upon your clit as he continued fuck you from behind, chasing his own release. “Cum for me, darling. I want to feel every inch of you.”

You saw stars as you orgasmed, your walls clenching Tom’s cock.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Tom moaned, he came along with you, thrusting through your orgasm.

The two of you collapsed on the bed, a mess of tangled limbs and sweaty torsos. Your chests heaving and energy spent. Tom snuggled you in the curve of his body, pulling you tight against him.

“Too much?” he questioned as he kissed your shoulder.

“Hmm? No, not at all.” you hummed, enjoying his embrace.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” His fingers ghosted along your arm.

“Yes. You?” your voice was soft and sleepy.

“Very much so. Thank you for the surprise.”

“My pleasure.”

“The pleasure was all mine. Want a bath?”

You shook your head. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

Tom kissed your temple. “As you wish, darling.” He tucked you under his chin in a tight embrace.

[bburningbridges]

forever haunted by the what-if anakin wasn’t alone scenario we all deserve

like, i think mustafar isn’t where anakin turns, it’s where he dies. he’s already vader by the time he gets there and i don’t think anything could stop or reverse him at that point. 

but what if someone was there when he had the opportunity to kill dooku? 

rewatching s4 and it’s incredible how many times during ahsoka’s padawanship she witnesses anakin toe the line of vengefulness and hauls him back from it. what if she was there to intervene? “he was too dangerous to keep alive” wasn’t something anakin bought, and i highly doubt ahsoka “morality” tano would be down for it either. she’s inadvertently become his conscience; his desire to protect her rivals his desire to give in to the darkness surrounding him. anakin has dooku on his knees, but as soon as he sees ahsoka’s alarmed face, he backs away, ashamed and confused and angry with himself. ahsoka saves him by knocking dooku out cold, and as they take palps and obi-wan to safety there’s a moment where they both know we should talk about this but they don’t.

what if ahsoka was able to talk to anakin after he’d been appointed to spy on palps? “the council isn’t always right anakin, obviously, why do you think i left?” and he’s like “i KNOW that” and she’s like “yeah but palpatine also lowkey sucks because he was going to kill me? like genuine kill me if you didn’t interrupt?” and anakin is like oh my GOD why cant any mentor in my life not suck for two seconds. i want my wife. oh wait shes gonna fucking DIE and he finally, finally, spills his fears out to ahsoka. who’s like “wow tb to that time i thought padme was gonna die. it’s a good thing the future isn’t set in stone, am i right?” and then doesn’t quite know what to do when anakin starts crying tears of relief.

when anakin says “ahsoka, there’s trouble in palpatine’s office” she runs in by his side, shocked to see master windu with his lightsaber at palps’ neck but even more shocked to see palps with a lightsaber of his own. “he’s too dangerous to keep alive” windu says, and ahsoka sees anakin’s face screw up in confusion, like where have i heard this before? anakin moves as if to help - who? - and she moves with him and the Force sends windu and palpatine flying apart from each other.

“what,” anakin roars, lightsaber igniting, “is going on here?” ahsoka follows suit, pointing her shoto at palpatine’s saber, “where did you get that?”

palpatine smiles at her. “child--”

“don’t patronize me,” she hisses. 

“ahsoka,” anakin starts, as windu gets to his feet and points at the chancellor.

“that, he says, “is not the man we believed him to be. chancellor palpatine is--”

“a sith,” anakin says quietly. he’s looking at his friend like his heart is breaking out of his chest. “you are, aren’t you? that’s why you told me to kill dooku.”

“anakin, my boy--”

“you were using me,” anakin says. he is silent a long while, and no one moves. “you...what you told me about saving padme, was that a lie?”

palpatine frowns. “anakin--”

“was that,” anakin says, and the room shakes, “a lie.”

“i promised you power,” palpatine finally says. “immense power. unfathomable power.”

anakin’s eyes widen as realization hits, and he staggers back. ahsoka steps in front of him immediately; she will defend him with her life, and until he recovers from whatever lies he’s been fed by the chancellor, she will do whatever it takes to keep him safe. it’s not surprising that hates starts to manifest within her -- ahsoka carries one hell of a grudge against that had not only nearly sentenced her to death, but has threaten 2 of the people she considers family in this world. jedi aren’t killers, but luckily for her master, she’s no longer a jedi.

when anakin’s lightsaber ignites, there is a level of fury hanging within the Force that is practically palpable. windu has to feel it, as his stance wavers for a moment as he spares a look at anakin, and palpatine screams as he throws out his hand and force lightning shocks the fuck out of the jedi master.

or at least, that’s what he tries to do. what actually happens is that in the time it takes for the lightning to cross the room, and anakin as leapt forward and ahsoka is right behind him.

it is the longest battle of her life. she thinks it might be the final battle of her life. her master is unrecognizable in his fury, in his pain, and the way he fights is unrelenting and erratic, a combination that difficult to fight alongside. she has to dodge his errant swings on top of palpatine’s, staying on her toes as he flings them about the room with the Force like toys. but it’s a foreseen outcome.

during a beat of the battle, palpatine reaches out to anakin and anakin reaches back and there’s a beat of silence before the Force implodes the room; the window shatters and ahsoka raises her arms to deflect the glass. the chancellor jumps free and she has only a moment to think before anakin makes to jump after him; she throws her arms around him, only half-terrified that he might be too angry to fully recognize her

but her fear was for nothing. anakin’s chest rattles as he breathes. he breathes. he keeps breathing

and at last, he puts his arms around her, and they breathe, together.

for the first time in a long while, anakin skywalker remembers that he is not alone.

(anakin does not fall, that much is clear, but there’s a darkness to him when he says “the war ends now” and ahsoka knows he means it. when the clones advance on them, muttering about killing all jedi, anakin’s the one to say: “fortunate for us, that label no longer applies.” and so maybe, ahsoka is a little less alone too. maybe, they really can do this -- together -- after all.)

[loniereads]

cr: Sufficiently Advanced Magic

*spoiler warning*

Chapter 1 - 5

Chapter one

“I was prepared in a thousand different ways that didn’t matter” - Me for every test I’ve ever taken ☺️✨✨

Omg is he gonna go look for his brother 🥺 This book said found family but make it literal - side note, love the name Tristan.

I hope it’s explained as to WHY hundreds of 17 year olds are enduring a judgment to their possible death????

Imagine you’re brother going basically missing, your mom leaving, and then your dad pulling you out of school so you can prepare to possibly ✨die✨

“It could take years to grow strong enough-” 🥺 He’s going to sacrifice years of his life and risk certain death just for a chance to reunite his family is this book gonna make me cry?

I don’t like his name as much as I like his brothers but yanno whatever- how do you even say Corin

I already hate the dad??? Hello? Your first son is gone and your second could follow in his fate and you don’t even see him off?? Fuck you buddy why are book dads such assholes

“I loathed hurting people. I always had.” so i have decided that if anything happens to Corin I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. WHAT A CUTIE SWEET SOUL

If this book forces him to hurt someone I’ll riot-

Oh my gosh he hates fighting but he’s willing to fight for his brother I LOVE HEALTHY BROTHER RELATIONSHIPS they’re so pure

Corin is so nice to try to explain all of this weapon stuff and rune stuff to me like I have any idea wtf he’s talking about- he’s talking and I’m like I’m just happy to be here ☺️

I feel like the fact that he’s paying for everything he takes is important- like maybe other people just take and don’t leave anything? But he’s like here’s a coin for you scary tower~

“It was too cute to die” why do I love Corin so

What a cute ass sweet ass cinnamon roll, my god🥺

HE FELT GUILTY FOR KILLING A SHADOW SNDKDNSK I love him sm what a king

Chapter two

Why does everything he say sound so intelligent

ldmoaha not Corin having a convo with a book

It’s been too long since I read a normal romance book why did my brain just decide to ship Corin and a BOOK

Ok but him taking time to ask about his brother has me so soft

What the flip chapter 2 was so short??? ):

Chapter three

“You shouldn’t have done that” how ominous and amazing and I love it

He so casually was like OH LOOK A DEAD BODY OH LOOKIE PEOPLE

Omg is he gonna find his brother in here- OH MY

OMG HE DID AHHHHH

just... kidding. He did infact not find him.

Oh wait someone younger than him though- so is going into the tower a choice? That would make it a little better. Like you decide when you go in or? I NEED MORE INFO PLS

The word resh is growing on me

He risked his gold key on her 🥺

I love this little merry band of criminals- also just hoping the kid doesn’t yanno....die

omg Keras is out here crushing stones with his bare hands 😏 hellooooo

Wait I’m so conflicted??? I want to trust Keras and Vera but I also want to trust the book alsnsish

Vera is a whole mood I really hope she’s not like evil or just a weird thing in the tower or idk whatever I want her to stay

AWWAIT ☹️☹️☹️ They left Keras behind- that can’t be it. He’s gotta come back right? Like book person is gonna save him? Right!!??

Chapter four

VERA SUCH A BADDDDIE

This ‘kid’ they’re carrying is just making out like a bandit, he’s just getting carried through the tower 😂

WOW FUCK YOU VERA??? UH I HOPE SOMETHING KILLS HER-but not rhe kid 😔

Okay this might be a weird jump- but WHAT IF THE BOOK ENTITY ISSSSS HIS BROTHER??????????? Like the book person seems to really care if Corin lives? so it’s either just like a really caring person, OR HIS BROTHER

Pls let me be right

That would be so cool

The book entity helped him to finish the rest completely? Is this allowed? This feels not allowed

Corin: fighting monsters with criminals in a magical tower, very time sensitive needs to escape quickly

Also Corin: lemme just wrote a little diary entry ✨☺️

So obviously he’s going to get to keep his memories

Also like he got out of the tower so easily? What?

“And don’t let anyone hassle you about your attunement.” HOW VERY OMONIOUS OF YOU TO SAY

Honestly- Fuck Magnus Cadence

REPLACEMENT? What?

His childhood bestfriend is his half sister? I love that???? Instead of making them love interests they’re half siblings that’s cool as hell. We love childhood friends to siblings trope

I will reiterate, FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

I hope we get to see their friendship bc I’m here for this trope

Chapter five

🥺 he sent the boys glove to his parents I’m so soft

Their relationship makes me so happy?? Like I love this. So they better reunite or I’ll riot

BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE BESTTT

I miss Keras 🥺

I am so unsure of Sera. I do love the sudden sibling, and I really really hope they end up having a cool relationship and like she helps him find his(their) brother and hdjsjdjs

If anyone gives Corin a hard time for his attunement I’ll throw hands-

Not them earning points at their schools- All I can think about how is “10 points to gryffindor”

I love the word behooves

Can they go back into the tower already 💀 This down time is killing me. I want book entity, Keras and that boy who was unconscious the entire time back.

-side note, I absolutely love how all three of them(Keras, Corin, and Vera) were all so concerned with this unconscious boy and they literally carried him to complete safety. Who is this boy?? Will he come back? I miss him he better not be be dead. Vera can die but not unconscious boy.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera... but she’s giving me “I’m better than you because I have a better attunement” vibes and I do not like that at all so if Icneed to I will pretend to doesn’t exist.

Aw the schools has like animal representatives decisions?? CUTE UM. - there’s way too many for my brain to keep up with but I love them anyway

Not them assigning kids to basically play pranks on everyone else and tell them if they don’t find the prankster kids they lose points- what a weird ass school

“You and Patrick were practically brothers” GIRL YOU CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL BROTHER WHO IS MISSING AND/OR DEAD

-Also I know Tristen isn’t dead because like then what would be the point huh? HUH? So he’s got to be alive

Or I’ll riot.

“A walking rainstorm” idk why but that is so fucking adorable. I love my new comfort raintorm, Corin.

I can’t wait for them(Corin and Sera) to meet up with their friends and they have to explain that they’re now half siblings.

Them reminding him to not lose his little sigil pin makes me feel like he’s going to lose or forget it ummmm

Imagine getting fucking EXPELLED because you forgot your pin on your other uniform.

I feel like that would be me honestly. Are people not just...forgetful in this universe??

Ngl i would hate to be in the tortoise division

Corins attunement is lamer but his division is called the Phoenix? Like that’s so much cooler than tortoise

The fact that sera is trying to convince me the Spider division isn’t real makes me feel like she’s in it???

I know my babey Corin didn’t mean this as snarky as I would have liked him to but I love this line so much.

SARCASTIC BOYS WITH DADDY ISSUES OWN ME AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT

Ngl I was hoping they would have roommates- I love a good school roommate dynamic

For the third time I would like to make my opinion to be known; FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

Why has no one made a playlist for this book on Spotify? I am throughly disappointed

Not Corin being ghosted by his book-

I wish I had half the motivation Corin has? Like it’s my boys first day of school and as soon as he gets into his room he starts studying. I would have taken a nap

Oop jk as soon as he couldn’t find the rune he was looking for he went to lay in bed.

I’m sorry what in the hell is Wyddsday??? Did I miss them explaining to hat this universe has different names for it’s days of the week?? How am I supposed to know when this is Corin? Or what day it even is currently

World building is so intricate and interesting and I absolutely live for it- but it’s literally so frustrating sometimes learning and remembering everything

Okay Sera being less irritated about her studies being interrupted because it’s Corin is cute

Fuck

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera

Tashday, Fersday, Kyrsday, Tensday, Vasday, and Wyddsday- either I can’t count or they’re missing a day. And what order do they go in? I need a calendar insert pls and thanks

Wait wait did he just run into an ex? What is this sndlsnsin “long-buried emotions”??

Oooo we get a name. Cecily Lambert

I didn’t possibly think I could relate to Corin anymore than I already do but here I am

The dorm chiefs introduce themselves to everyone? How cute and Curtis didn’t seem at all annoyed by Corin asking so many questions I love when upperclassman in books aren’t rude for no reason. It’s such a tiring trait they often have smh

I need his exams to hurry up because I would very much like to get back to the fast paced tower scenes-

I know absolutely nothing about Jin but I love him immensely

[odinsblog]

do u rly think warren will endorse biden :(

[re: this post]

Yes. I do.

Like I said, I really hope that I’m wrong and I will very happily admit it if I am, but Warren isn’t behaving as if she’s about to endorse Bernie.

Warren just very recently did an interview on Maddow where she devoted quite a lot of time pushing the manufactured narrative of toxic BernieBros.

I believe that the BernieBro narrative is a smear created by the Clinton campaign. They did the same thing with “sexist” ObamaBoys in 2008. It fuels Weaponized Identity Politics: Everyone who criticizes or attacks me can only be doing so because they are sexists, and there is no other possible reason that they do not support me.

Very long SN: I’m ashamed to admit it, but I actually started out as a Hillary supporter in early 2015 - until she made the mistake of telling people to “do their research on Bernie”. So in the very brief moment in time that I supported Clinton, at no point did I ever say anything like - “Wow, I really dig the policies that Sanders has been pushing his whole life. This guy wants Medicare For All, and free college, and he wants all student loan debt erased. All these things are important to me too …… but because his online followers are ~mean~ and use snake emojis, well I guess I can’t support him.”

That’s stupid.

Imagine me saying, there’s this guy who’s political platform is - “Any black man named Odin should get $1 million dollars.” But his followers are mean, so I really can’t support him. Doesn’t that sound silly??

That narrative doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s bs concern trolling. But that’s the talking point that centrists are pushing.

And(!) I’m always suspicious of white people who are overly devoted to “civility,” because it’s an old tactic of white supremacy that has been used to silence “angry” Black men & women for a very long time. To be clear: I am absolutely positively NOT calling Warren a white supremacist. But I am saying that she is borrowing a page from that playbook, whether she realizes it or not.

Also people are completely ignoring that there are pro-Clinton, disinformation bots that pretend to be Bernie supporters. I’ve seen them online. They’re usually new accounts started within the past year, they have only a handful of followers, and they don’t have very many posts. The people who constantly talk about Russian bots act like Russia is the only one using paid online trolls. Do people really think Mike Bloomberg and Hillary Clinton are so ethical that they’re somehow above using bots?

For example: https://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-clinton-digital-trolling-20160506-snap-htmlstory.html

And in the first 50min of his podcast, Tim Black does a pretty good job of summarizing many of my thoughts on the whole, BernieBros-are-the-ONLY-ones-harassing-people, narrative: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-tim-black-show/e/67851821?autoplay=true

Look, at the end of the day I think that Warren and Bernie’s policies closely align. And Warren’s policies are antithetical to Joe Biden’s. So it makes perfect sense that she should endorse Bernie.

BUT ….. I think Warren is an institutionalist. At the end of the day, I believe she badly wants to be a respectable part of the system. Part of the establishment. It doesn’t feel like she’s going to buck the system.

An endorsement by Warren could help Sanders immensely. Immensely. I cannot overstate how much this would help him. And conversely, if she stays silent like she did in 2016, that is a de facto endorsement for Joe Biden.

So in answer to your question, yes, unfortunately I think that Warren will either A) endorse Joe Biden, or more likely she will B) withhold her endorsement until Bernie has won, or wait until it’s too late to help him.

I’ll finish with an important thought: Despite what we’re seeing in the media, Bernie is still in this thing. Very much so. There are less than 100 delegates separating him from Biden.

But let’s keep it 💯. TIME IS RUNNING OUT. 

Right now it’s Biden + the DNC + corporate media + MSNBC + CNN + NPR + the View + Obama + Bloomberg’s billions vs. Bernie. We have the people power to do this, but we are vastly outnumbered in terms of money and media representation. We need allies and we need them right now.

While I do not believe there are as many “evil BernieBros” out there as Elizabeth Warren is implying, I dO think that we need to step in and reign that shit in. Whenever we see someone claiming to be a Sanders supporter being toxic, we need to step in, identify ourselves as a Sanders supporter, and then squash that shit. We need to convert Warren supporters into Sanders supporters. Even if Warren doesn’t endorse Bernie, it should still be super easy to convert her followers. I like Bernie’s policies better, but Warren’s policies are close enough to Bernie’s that this should be an easy conversion.

In the meantime, please go doorknocking or canvassing for Bernie, or phonebank for Bernie, or if you can afford it, donate to his campaign. The next Super Tuesday is only a few days away.

[thewritingginger]

15. “First one to make a noise loses.” - Satan x Reader

Thank you for the request anon , I hope this came out to your liking.

Warning: NSFW 

Enjoy ~

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You and Satan are in the back of the RAD library before class hours to do some studying for an upcoming test you have. 

Walking into an aisle for Devildom Government, running your finger tips along the spines looking for the reference book you need, you feel someone else behind you. Paying it no mind you continue your search till you feel hands begin to slid around your waist. About to turn around and slap who's touching you. you’re stopped by a familiar voice. “Don’t worry it’s just me.” 

Resting his head next to yours, you relax in his embrace. Leaning back a bit, content with the sweet contact a soft smile graces your lips. “Your being awfully sweet this morning, what's wrong?” you playfully inquire. Nuzzling your neck a bit he responds, “What, is it a crime for me to hold my girlfriend?” punctuating his question with a soft kiss on your shoulder, his hold on you tightens slightly.

Finding the book you needed you grab it off the shelf and about to start thumbing through it, you feel lips peppering your neck and hands start to rub your hips. “What are you doing?” You ask with a giggle. “What does it look like? I’m kissing you.” He says matter of factly between kisses. 

Tilting your head to the side a bit you hummer his actions by granting him more access to your neck. “Well I can see the but what brought this about?” You question. “Well you’ve expressed to me recently that you’ve want to spice things up a bit and I've just been thinking of a little game we could play together.” 

His teeth catches your ear a bit, palms beginning to explore your torso and legs. Your eyes fluttering closed a bit, a warm sensation begins to arise in your core, “W-what kinda game were you thinking of?” you mutter a bit dazed, your head lulling back against his chest.

Taking the book from your hands and placing in its rightful spot he answers your question with, “How about...” Leaning in a bit closer, his hot breathe against your ear warming you further he continues, “First one to make a noise loses.”Hands expressing the intentions behind his words, you stutter “W-what? Satan we ca-” Confused and taken aback by his actions you try to oppose his advance, but he cuts you off. “Why not? I think it’ll be fun and I know you do too. So why don't you be a good girl and close those little lips of yours, wouldn't want anyone seeing us, would you?” His words come out in low purr sending shivers down your spine. 

Nodding your head in response he releases a low hum into your neck. His left hand begins to cup your breast and the other starts a trail down your torso to  your skirt. Lifting the hem he traces the lace of your pasties. “These are quite naughty. You wear these under your skirts everyday?”He asks with a click of his tongue “mhm” Unable to respond with words you let out a soft hum in agreement. “Well, we can't have that now can we.”  He asks rhetorically. 

Pushing aside your panties his long fingers begin to draw circles over your clitoris. Holding your hand over your mouth to muffle the soft moan being pulled from you. Satan couldn't help himself, “Wow you really are a naughty girl y/n, being this turned on in the library. You should really be ashamed of yourself.” He whispers amused with how your body is reacting to his manipulations. “And to think we’ve only just begun.” Satan smiles nipping your lob. 

The coil within you starting to twist, your legs beginning to wobble. Satan’s grip on you hardens. With your heat dripping wet Satan’s long digits are able to penetrate with ease. You gasp in shock and pleasure as his skillful fingers start to curl within you, drawing out more hushed whimpers and sighs. “You like that don't you baby.” Asking you with a chortle, he bends you over.

Your hands now resting on the wall, Satan flips the back of your skirt up and pulls your panties down, allowing them to gather at your ankles. Taking his girth in his hand he lines up with your opening. Rubbing his tip in your folds feeling your slick coat his member, his patience is starting to dwindle. 

He slowly pushes his length into you, allowing you to adjust he revels in your warmth. “Fuck you’re squeezing me so tightly.” Feasting in the pleasure that is your body he begins long-powerful pumps, hands gripping your hips with a bruising strength.

Your moans becoming increasingly harder to muffle, Satan grabs a fist full of your locks, pulling your head back. His breath heavy in your ear, words continuing to assault your mind. “God, you feel so fucking good around my cock. You look so perfect bent over for me, trying so hard to hide your delicious moans of pleasure so others don't notice us.” 

With his cock pistoning deep within your core your brain feels clouded in euphoria. Getting caught is not longer your concern, all you know is the desire for your release. The hums coming from deep in your throat make Satan grin sadistically. 

“Oh how I love the way you purr for me Kitten. Wont you purr for me more? Wont you purr for your master?” His demanding words are accompanied with his free hand going between your open legs. 

Your eyes roll into the back of your head, the way his girth is stretching you out and his fingers toying with your already abused clit your eyes begin to water from the immense pleasure that is coursing through entire being. Your knees beginning to buckle under you, feeling that cord about to snap and push you over the edge, Satan’s words begin to encourage your release. “You gonna cum Kitten? Huh? You wanna cum all over my big cock?” Nodding your head with want he persists “Then prove it, prove to me you want to cum. Cum for me Kitten.” Continuing his taunts his pace quickens to bring you over. 

A few more pumps and your whole body begins to shake. Riding out your orgasm his pumps slow to a halt. Pulling out his length, you slump to your knees. Catching your breath Satan takes a step closer to you, “Don't get too comfortable Kitten you’re not done.” On your knees looking up at Satans piercing gaze he guides your mouth around his member. 

Precum coating your tongue, as Satan pulls your hair into his hands he bobs your head up and down his shaft. Words of praise meet your ears, “That feels so good Kitten, Just like that.”

Glancing up you see Satan looking down at you with lidded eyes and his lip caught between his teeth. His breathing becoming shaky indicating his impending climax. Your hands tighten their grip on his hips as you increase your speed. 

With a couple more bobs of your head, thick hot ropes of cum shoot into your mouth. “Fuck, drink up all my cum like a good Kitty.” He grits through his teeth as he continues to slowly pump in your mouth to insure you get every last drop of his seed. 

Pulling out of your mouth with a small pop, you lean back and swallow. Looking straight into Satan’s eyes you stick out your tongue to show him that enjoyed every drop of his essence. 

With a deep sigh and a smirk on his lips Satan kneels down to help you up. Caressing your cheeks he gives you a loving kiss. Your eyes still glazed over with pleasure, your chest still heaving. “I told you you’d like my game.” He says with a playful smile. A tired laugh erupts from your throat as you just shake your head at him. Before turning to leave the aisle Satan bends down and picks up your soaked panties, “And I'll be taking these.” 

Placing them in his pocket you try to stop him, “W-wait Satan, how am I supposed to go all day with out my underwear?” You question a bit irritated but mostly embarrassed. “Go with out.” He frankly states. Stopping at the end of the aisle he looks over his shoulder to add,

“Should get used to it. I have many more games for us to play and I’d want you to be ready.”  

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IDEK what just happened, I just kept typing lol

I hope that you liked it and you want to see more you can request a prompt or idea if you want and I’ll do my best to deliver that to you. 

Till next time :3

💛 ~

[lia-jones]

Growing Stronger - Chapter Thirty-Seven - Brandy and Wedding Rings

A note to my dear readers: It is with great pride that I announce Growing Stronger is complete. It has been a rollercoaster ride, and I'm so grateful to have you by my side. Huge thanks to you all, especially to the ones that took some time to write a bit back. I have to admit there are times I think of quitting, and I don't, because of you. Thank you to @attackonmyself​ for being an awesome beta and a friend, and for spending so many hours with me editing and refining the story. Thanks to Mu for making beautiful art for my story (including in this chapter! check it out!), and for being such a good friend and supporting me so much. Thanks to Roxie for her support and friendship. Thanks to you guys, for making my words matter. I can't possibly thank you enough. I’ll have news pretty soon, including a Halloween story! Very, very, incredibly soon! (SO EXCITED!) Lots of love, see you soon!

“I don’t think I will ever get married.” A five-year-old Victor announced proudly to his mother, while she served him some warm milk before bed.

“That’s quite a decision to make.” She smiled, amused, her dark curls shining under the kitchen light. “And how have you reached that conclusion?”

“Because girls are boring.” He shrugged. “They never want to play things boys like. The girls in my school only want to play with dolls and comb their hair. So childish.” He made an annoyed face at the thought. “How many times does one need to comb a doll’s hair? They don’t like soccer, or running, or playing sports. It’s boring.”

“Well, your father is married to me. Do you think I’m boring?” His mother played along.

“No, you are the exception.” Victor looked at her with big innocent eyes. “You are smart, and sweet, you do things I like with me and you love me. But I can’t marry you, because you are my mother. And I will never find anyone like you, because father says you are one of a kind. So I won’t marry. I’ll stay singled.” He took the glass of milk in one go, licking his lips afterward.

“You mean you’ll stay single.” Her mother brushed his bangs lovingly. “But, you know, I don’t think you will. I think when you grow up, you’ll find someone that is so special to you, you will find her one of a kind too. She will be smart, and sweet, she’ll do the things you like with you and she will love you. And yes, sweetheart, you will get married. And be very happy.”

“And you won’t mind that I go live with her instead of you? Won’t you miss me?” Victor’s heart broke with the thought of leaving his mother. In his infant mind, such a thing could never be.

“I will miss you immensely, my little hummingbird.” She kissed his forehead, and he smiled widely at her gesture. “But when you grow up, you will have a family of your own, because that’s how things work. Little birds fly off their nest to make nests of their own, and have other little birds, and so on.” She tickled his belly, making him giggle. “But right now you don’t need to worry your pretty little head with that. What you need is sleep.” She picked him up in her arms. “To grow and become a good man to your wife, and make your old mother proud.”

Victor chuckled by himself, as he watched all the commotion outside through his window. His aunt's garden was filled with photographers and reporters, trying to get something before the ceremony. He could hear Bernard yell at them, in his lousy English. He hoped Bernard was asked about the flowers.

After a while, Joshua and Goldman arrived, and shortly after, a busboy with his breakfast. Although this was Victor’s wedding and not a regular day in LFG, Goldman quickly assumed his assistant duties. And without even realizing, Victor stepped right into his place as CEO.

“Did you give your wife the list?” He asked Goldman as he was sitting at the table.

“Yes, Diane has the list, your suit is ready in the dressing room, the rings are already with Josh, and Mia is taking care of the media coverage. All set, Sir.” Goldman promptly answered.

“Why is he calling you Sir?” Joshua frowned. “And what list is he talking about? And why is he so… uptight?” He asked Victor, but Goldman stepped in first, as a good assistant would do.

“Question number one, force of habit. Question number two, It’s a list with all the things Diane should do to keep your sister comfortable, like give her some candy if she gets grumpy, rub her back if she rubs her forehead, keep her fresh because she hates perspiring…” Goldman trailed off as he saw Victor’s eyes bore into his skull.

“Wow.” Joshua laughed. “The only thing I cared about on my wedding day was to cure my hangover and make sure Cristina would show up. You really need to lighten up, man, this is your wedding day. Won’t get another.”

That was precisely why Victor needed to make sure everything was perfect, but he could respond, the door was opened. In came his father, without any ceremony or basic politeness.

“Make yourselves scarce.” He spat to the assistant and best man.

Joshua was ready to spit some venom back, only to be taken away by Goldman, who held him by his arm.

“Do you need to be so rude to people? They did nothing to you.” Victor frowned at his father, already losing his patience.

“I came to tell you I won’t be attending your wedding.” His father announced. Victor sighed, frustrated. It was only nine am, and he was already causing trouble?

“You’re leaving.” Victor wasn’t asking. He wasn’t even surprised.

His father had basically invited himself, made demands about the wedding, and who would attend it, and Andrea and him had complied to it all, trying to build a bridge of understanding between them. And now, because he felt crossed, he was leaving. Once again, only thinking about himself. Yes, Victor was livid, but not surprised.

“Don’t worry about the media, I’ll excuse myself with some health issue.” Gregory straightened his tie in front of the mirror as he spoke.

“I’m not.” Victor took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. “In all honesty, neither should that be your primary concern. Your only son’s wedding should matter more. Although I guess it may be too ambitious of me to expect Gregory Lee to be concerned about someone else other than himself.”

Victor hit a breaking point. He could never please him or make him act like a father, he knew that now. Years of his childhood were spent trying to fall on his father’s good side, to feel the tiniest shred of approval, of love. But his father only loved himself. And it turned out, he had no good side to fall on.

“My only son, you say?” Gregory sneered. “My only son should be my concern? My son that embarrassed our family by displaying proudly that sinful affair between his mindless aunt and her lady lover? The only son that constantly disrespected his father’s wishes tearing to the ground what took so long to build, is that the son you mean? The one that dragged the Lee name through the mud by getting engaged to some scandalous woman, with no name and no worth of her own, that is probably with him just for his money?”

“You will not speak of Andrea like that!” Victor exploded, his blood piping hot in his veins.

“Down, boy. Learn your place.” His father eyed him with nothing but contempt. “You are a disgrace. Your mother would be ashamed of you.”

“Mark my words, you will regret the day you insult my wife again.” Victor looked his father in the eye. His father would be the one to learn his place. “She’s the only reason you are here in the first place. If it was only me, you wouldn’t even know about the wedding, let alone receive an invitation. But luckily for you, Andrea has a kind heart, and she wanted us to make amends, and didn’t even flinch at your veiled insults and your ridiculous demands. But enough is enough.”

Gregory tried to retort, but Victor wouldn’t let him. Not this time. Who did he think he was? This time, Victor would not relent. Gregory would have a piece of his mind.

“I’m not done yet.” Victor stood his ground, a strength he didn’t know he had supporting him. “You will listen.” He gritted through his teeth. “It isn’t me who has disgraced our family, father . It was you, with your inflated ego and your toxic, baseless attitude. Look around you. Who stands beside you, apart from your bootlicking minions? Your wife died, and instead of supporting your family, you alienated your son. Even your own sister, the one that took care of me when you clearly didn’t have the intention to do so, the one that actually gave me the love I needed, you disrespect her and treat her like one of your servants. Mother dreamed of a happy and close family, and you are tearing her dream apart. Mother would hate to see us like this, to see how you are destroying this family. And quite frankly, she would be ashamed of you. ”

Gregory watched his son, anger in his eyes. Characteristically, his expression turned stone cold and he turned to the door, opening it to leave, letting Joshua and Goldman in, who were anxiously waiting outside. It would be better this way, Victor reasoned. Without his father there, he could enjoy his day fully.

But Gregory didn’t leave right away. He turned once again, a venomous smile on his face, ready to deal the fatal blow.

“I guess we’re done here. The only reason I could see for an approach was the fact that you could still be something of worth and give me an heir. But your future wife is such a failure that she can’t even do something as simple as bearing a child.”

Victor was literally blind with rage. He jumped towards the old man, ready to make him bleed, but felt something holding him back. He pushed against his binds harder, only to feel more restraint, but he kept pushing anyway. At that moment the only thing he could see was his father, the constant satisfaction he had in hurting him, and the people he loved. In his mind, clouded with fury and anguish, Gregory had to pay for all he had done.

“Victor!” He heard Joshua scream, but he couldn’t care less what he was saying. “He’s not worth it! If you hurt him you’ll end up in jail, and Andy will have to spend her special day in a police station, in her wedding dress. Control yourself!”

Victor didn’t care about what happened to him, but the mention of Andrea’s name made him stop altogether. Joshua was right, he had to think of her too. He couldn’t do this to her. He immediately relaxed in his brother in law’s arms, watching as Goldman took his father away.

“I’m calm.” He was trying hard to catch a breath, raising his hands but lowering his eyes in embarrassment. “You can let go of me now.”

“Look, man, I would punch him myself if I could.” Joshua still kept a steady hand on Victor’s shoulder. “But like that other son of a bitch, he’s not worth it. Learn from my mistakes.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Victor mumbled, just wanting that moment to end. He was embarrassed for letting his father get to him like that. With a sigh, he slumped into the leather chair by the window, head hanging his hands, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have coffee.” Goldman walked to the door. “I will ask Mina to prepare you some tea for you to have with breakfast.”

“No need.” Victor mumbled, just wanting to be left alone. “I’m not hungry.”

“I’m sorry, Victor, I know you are probably not feeling well, but as your assistant, my job is to make you focus on the most important matters.” Goldman seemed to have grown a spine all of the sudden, Victor bitterly thought. “And right now, the most important thing is to get you married. And you need to have breakfast. Between the ceremony, and taking pictures, and Heaven knows what else, who knows when you’ll have the chance to eat.”

“Mind your own business.” Victor scoffed, annoyed. “I already said I’m not hungry.”

“With all due respect, Sir, this is not just your business anymore, it’s also Andrea’s business. Should I call her and let her know what happened?” Goldman raised his eyebrows at him.

“Fine.” Victor sighed. “I’ll eat something. Don’t call Andrea.” He suddenly noticed Joshua had left the room. “Where’s Joshua?”

“He’s taking a call from his mother, I think.” Goldman shrugged. Victor ran to the door.

“Don’t tell your mother.” He mouthed to Josh. “Please.”

Josh gave him a thumbs up, returning to the conversation. Victor went back in, sitting to try and have breakfast. There was a knot in his throat, he had serious doubts he would be able to push down any food.

Both best man and assistant did their best to lift his spirits, but Victor knew it would be to no avail. Andrea would know what to say in this situation. If only he could call it a day, and just cuddle with her, let his mind wander away from his anguish and into her warmth.

Victor hated to admit it, but he wondered if he could be the man Andrea deserved. He was unable to keep any kind of relationship, he could barely relate to his father, what did he have to offer? Maybe people kept leaving him for a reason, and Andrea just hadn’t figured out what that reason was yet. Maybe down the line, she would see he was worthless, with nothing but money to offer. And despite what his father said, money wasn’t what Andrea cared about. She cared for him. She loved him. Maybe she was a fool for loving him, but of that, he was completely certain.

She loved him and he was questioning his decision to marry her. She definitely deserved better. Victor kicked himself internally for being so confused, but his feelings were a never-ending cycle of wanting to do better and feeling unable to.

When Jeremy waltzed in, bottle of brandy in hand, he immediately knew Joshua was a big fat liar. At least, if it was Jeremy showing up, that meant Andrea was oblivious to the whole situation. If she knew, she would be by his side already, wedding dress and all.

Jeremy’s words were full of wisdom, giving Victor a new perspective on his life, and new gusto for his special day. Nothing else mattered as long as he had her by his side. Their new life was something they would make together, and, for her, he would be better. He would do better. He would be invincible. The brandy Jeremy brought also aided in clearing his mind, the heat in his throat bringing some warmth to his heart, making him relax and keep the bad thoughts at bay. Besides, it was delicious. Amazing, really.

Victor had finished his first glass and was already filling his second when Goldman entered the room.

“What are you drinking?” Goldman smelled the glass Jeremy had left behind. “Brandy? Before the wedding?!”

“Yes. Jeremy brought it.” Victor sipped his glass, feeling in a much better mood. “Have some, it’s exquisite.” He pointed to the bottle.

“I’m sorry, but have you lost your mind? You can’t show up to the wedding drunk. Andrea will have my head if she sees you drunk.”

Victor was perfectly aware that it would take a lot more than two or three glasses of brandy to get him drunk. But he had had such a terrible morning, and he was feeling so much better now, that he decided to pull his assistant’s leg a little.

“Yes, she will.” He smiled at Goldman, downing what was left in his glass, giving Goldman a satisfying exhale. “Ahhhh. Good stuff, really.” He filled his glass a third time, enjoying watching Goldman squirm.

“No more.” Goldman took the bottle from Victor’s hand, starting to panic. “Please, Victor. Just leave it at that.”

Before Victor had the chance to call Goldman an idiot, there was a knock on his door.

“Is it too late to give the groom a hug before he leaves?” Mina asked, from the door.

“Not for you.” Victor smiled at the old lady.

“Let me take a good look at you.” Mina motherly straightened his lapel. “Such a handsome young man. Your mother would be so proud of you. I know I am.”

“Thank you.” Victor felt his throat tight with emotion.

“I still remember having you on my lap, a sweet little boy that could barely reach the kitchen counters, eyes full of love and kindness. I had really high hopes for you, but you exceeded any expectations I could ever have had. You are an honorable, good man, with your heart in the right place. And I am sure you will make that remarkable woman very happy. You deserve everything that is good in this world, and I have no doubt you will find it. Life has given you so much hurt, it’s time it pays you back with joyful days.”

As he watched Mina’s eyes fill with tears, he could feel his eyes getting misty as well. Mina had been his comfort, for all these years, and it was because of her that he could still hope for love and happiness. It was Mina, not his mother, who had kept that spark alive, nurturing him, being his light in the dark night of his days. With her smile and tenderness, she showed him that there could be abandonment, and abuse, and bad people could do unspeakable things, but there were also good things, like comfort, and understanding, and warmth. In every setback in his life, he would remind himself of that, refusing to let his soul go bitter.

The hope Mina gave him also gave him Andrea. And the real possibility of a happy life. That was the greatest gift he ever got.

“Thank you.” He took the old lady in his arms for a tight embrace. Words could never convey what he really felt, but he knew she knew him well, and that simple hug would do.

“I love you too, my dear.” She held him back.

More than thirty years together allowed them to have their secret silent language. Victor wondered if the same would happen after a lifetime with Andrea. Although he suspected it wouldn’t take a lifetime.

“It’s time.” Goldman announced. Mina excused herself, smiling.

“Time to get married, man.” Joshua slapped his back. “Are you nervous?”

He wasn’t before, but suddenly a frosty feeling built up in his stomach, making him uneasy. Victor scoffed at himself, taking a deep breath. What was he nervous for? This was a good thing. He wanted this.

He eyed the glass of brandy on the coffee table, the third one he had filled but hadn't touched. Without a second thought, he drank it in on big gulp. It did help to a degree, but he still felt nervous. Maybe this was what Jeremy was talking about.

As expected, the wedding venue was splendid, and classical music filled the air, played by the string quartet they had picked. It was a beautiful morning, the sun shining bright and reflecting on the lake that ran sweetly in the background. The garden was filled with flowers and decorations, giving it a magical atmosphere, the one that preludes happily-ever-after endings. When Victor arrived, standing at the end of the aisle, the officiant was already there, waiting, as well as most of the guests and the media.

Looking at the end of that petal covered white carpet, waiting for the woman he loved, Victor found himself unable to breathe. Taking discreet deep breaths, he tried to steady his poor heart, that felt like it was about to jump out of his chest at any moment. He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. It was his best man.

“We’ve all been there, brother. Deep breaths. She’ll be here soon.”

She would be there soon. Until then, Victor could only count the seconds, trying not to look as unhinged as he felt.

The sounds of horses in the distance announced her arrival. He could already see her in a distance, as the carriage approached, and his heart beat harder with anticipation, so hard that he feared for a second he would collapse.

Suddenly, the photographers blocked his view, probably taking pictures of her coming down from the carriage. Pachelbel’s Canon in D started playing. Victor unconsciously held his breath. Joshua’s hand on his shoulder tightened its grip. The guests got up from their seats and stood still, expectant. It was like he had his Evol again, and had instinctively slowed down time. Every second was a lazy one, taking a long time to pass. Swiftly, the photographers stood aside, letting the bridal procession in.

The first person Victor saw was Diane, wearing a beautiful dark red dress, a white rose bouquet in her hand, winking at him. The guests let out an endearing “aww” when next came Cristina, also in red, holding the hand of the young Ana, dressed in white tulle, who held the wedding ring pillow. The little girl, who was so well behaved walking down the aisle, suddenly decided to let go of her mother’s hand and ran to Victor, pulling at his pants to be held. Joshua came to the rescue, picking his daughter up.

That’s when he saw her, and the lazy seconds came to a halt, and time stood still. Even Victor felt paused in time, his eyes falling on the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

The guests let out a gasp of admiration as Andrea walked in, adorned with her beautiful white dress, her hair pulled up in an updo, a red rose bouquet in her hands. She smiled at him, eyes shiny with emotion.

The world seemed to shrink around them as she slowly walked in his direction, and Victor’s heart filled with love as his dream was steps away from coming true. Her father gave her away, shaking his hand, but he could barely take his eyes away from her. She was astonishing.

“Hello, handsome.” She jested, wanting to hide the emotions she was certainly feeling herself.

Victor wanted to say something, tell her she was beautiful, that she was his whole world, that he was so proud of making her his wife, but no sound would come out. There were no words to express what he was feeling at that moment. It was more than joy, more than elation. So he simply took her hand, their fingers interlocking.

The officiant signaled the guests to sit down. Victor and Andrea stood before each other, looking in each other's eyes, overwhelmed with emotion.

“Dearly beloved and honored guests, we are gathered together here to join Victor and Andrea in the union of marriage.” The officiant declared. “This contract is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities.” He paused, looking at the young couple. “Andrea and Victor share a deep love, but also deep admiration and care for each other. Andrea told me all about her coming to Loveland, to overcome trauma and heartbreak, and how Victor gently and steadily took her in his arms, comforting and healing her, taking her to new heights. She recognizes Victor was a fundamental pillar of strength in every step she took towards what she has achieved, and is deeply grateful for his presence in her life.”

Victor smiled at his future wife, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. The truth was, he would do anything for her. However, he knew that all that she accomplished was hers because she was brilliant, although she was too humble to admit it.

“Victor, on the other hand, when speaking of his loved one, does it with a twinkle in his eye.” The officiant continued. “We all can see he is quiet and reserved, but when the subject is Andrea, or whenever she is near, you can see a light in him shine. And indeed, he told me of how Andrea makes his life brighter and warmer, how he learned very important lessons of friendship and love with her, how she showed him there can be strength in tenderness.”

Andrea looked at Victor with misty eyes, and her grip on his hand tightened.

“Although the two of them seem very different, they share many interests: they enjoy cooking together, they both work in finance and excel at their jobs, and they share a passion for music. And what differentiates them in essence is actually complementary in practice. Victor is the pillar of strength, the voice of reason, the steady ground, the supporter, while Andrea is the cooling wind, the ray of sunshine, and from what we could see last night, Andrea has the most contagious laughter I have ever seen. They support each other in different ways, and that’s what makes them a great team. I can honestly say that, in 20 years as an officiant, it is rare to witness such a united couple.”

“So today, before guests, friends and family, Victor and Andrea commit to a lifetime together. And for such purpose I ask: Victor, do you take Andrea to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?”

Victor looked at the beautiful woman in front of him and answered with all the conviction in his heart.

“I do.”

“ And Andrea, do you take Victor to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?”

“I do.” Andrea answered with a strained voice.

“May I have the rings, please?” Upon the officiant’s request, Cristina helped Ana take the pillow to Victor, so he could take Andrea’s ring. Removing her engagement ring, he fit it into the wedding ring, and placed it onto her finger.

“Andrea, with this ring I give you my all, promising to love you and cherish you, in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, now and forever.”

“Victor, with this ring I give you my all, promising to love you and cherish you, in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, now and forever.” She smiled at him, as she slid the wedding band onto his finger.

“Victor and Andrea, we have heard your promise to share your lives in marriage.  In the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today, and in accordance with the laws of Loveland, it is my honor and delight to declare you henceforth to be husband and wife.” The officiant finally declared. “You may seal your vows with a kiss.”

Family and guests applauded as Victor took Andrea, now his wife, and kissed her gently on the lips. As he gazed at her, now completely and officially his, smiling and happy in his arms, he could feel his eyes filling with tears. He buried his nose in the nape of her neck, hugging her tight, so his face could be hidden from the crowd.

“Aww, you’re crying?” She asked quietly.

“I’m so happy.” He croaked. “Thank you.”

As the guests moved to the reception tent, Victor and Andrea stayed behind to sign the documents that would make the wedding official.

This was nothing new to Victor, as a businessman, signing documents was pretty much his daily life. But that day, it was special. As he signed his name on that piece of paper, it was more than a contract for the exchange of goods. It was more than a mutual benefit arrangement, where both parties can gain something from the other. This was a promise.

They were creating an unbreakable bond, and Victor was certain neither time or space could break it. They were officially on the same team, facing the world together, making each other grow, loving each other. She was his everything, and he would be all she ever dreamed of.

He signed the document, his heart joyful with the honor of sharing a life with such a woman.

And it was with an enormous pride that he watched her sign Andrea Lee .

[hallaevak]

skam thoughts

hi ok i’m bored n sick so i’m here to give my (maybe unpopular? idk) thoughts on skam + remakes. i have seen most* remakes, but i’ll mention if i have not seen a particular season or not

first off: basic opinions (favorite remakes, favorite characters, etc)

fav jonas/eva remake:

- skam nl (kes/isa) - isa is, in my opinion, the most relatable eva remake. she’s so sassy and lovable! in general i’m not the biggest fan of the season 1 plot, but i think all jonas/eva pairings, chemistry wise, have been phenomenal. isa/kes are just a little bit more impressive in my opinion.

fav noorhelm remake

- this will be of no shock, as this is quite a popular opinion, but wtfock (senne and zoë). most william remakes kind of suck, and the general character dynamic between noora and william is not something i like. i enjoy the plot but a lot of williams are just...ew. i’m interesting in skam españa interpretation (nora and alejandro) but i can’t fully judge their season until it’s over. zoë is such a wonderful character and senne is actually not a dick! i sobbed when they broke up in s3.

fav evak remake

- i’m tied. either skam france/wtfock. i love the (for some reason controversial) dynamic between sander and robbe. i also love elu, like the basic bitch i am. elliott demaury OWNS me.

fav youssana remake

- honestly, i kind of didn’t like any of them (that are released). there’s only two out there, druck and skam france, and i didn’t like any. i’m sorrryyyy i just love sana bakkoush and no one could ever be better than her. oof! disclaimer i have not watched all of amira’s season/druck s4. i wasn’t personally interested but the acting was phenomenal.

alright now to remake-specific comments.

SKAM, the original, the og, love of my life, scandi legend that started this obsession

- honestly one of the best teen shows i’ve ever seen. the development of characters is so prominent. the acting, for mostly amateur teenagers, is mind blowing. maybe american shows just suck? but i’m absolutely in love with every character. they show such realistic stories and i applaud the skam team + actors for portraying their stories so well.

- the one comment i have is the noorhelm relationship. i just? i don’t like it. when i first watched skam i loved it. noora was hilarious (still think that) and the perfect independent woman model. i also liked william. i just wished they showed more of his vulnerability because his kind of static character is not doing it for me. he doesn’t show any evolution or change. idk, he’s still a wet fish in my eyes. obv this has no shade to the actors, thomas hayes is lovely. his character? not so much. i could write a whole essay on how flawed and dislikable william is.

now, the first remake: skam france

skam france, oui oui baguettes this remake really tickles my fancy

- as someone who kind of understands french, i really do like this remake. i have some issues with s1 and s2 but overall it is a solid remake. being the first, it makes sense for the seasons to seems little unoriginal. i still love emma and manon but their characters aren’t very authentic.

- s3 is where they really nailed it. elu’s immense popularity is only a testament to how truly wonderful the season is. the acting, the characters, slight changes in plot. i loved it. a lot.

- i wasnt impressed by s4 but it might just be my extreme love for iman meskini. no one could ever replace her.

- BUT S5. OH BOY. ROBIN. MY BABY. he is such a good actor and i love arthur he MUST be protected! i love that his shame is not romantically related. also as someone who is interested in deaf culture wow! i’m impressed by the research done by skam france. not only is his the first original season but it is excellently executed. noee is my mother i love her.

druck, likely the most liked remake to which i do not disagree with that statement

- druck is legendary. i really appreciate the small changes in plot and character dynamics that create an identity for each remake and druck is so so good at doing that. mia’s season is lovely and so is matteo’s, as well as the other two. i did not finish amira’s season as wtfock s3 started and i was a little too invested in that haha but i liked what i saw. the mia/noora drama annoyed me but it was okay. i saw it in the way how we all beg for evak/elu/nicotino/etc content in later seasons but then complain when noorhelm/jonas and eva content occur in later seasons, which is weird at best or just fetishization of gay couples at worst. take ur pick. i like it when previous plot lines kind of intertwine into the current ones as it shows that people’s shakes are not temporary and have immense effects on others (which is the point of skam, right?

skam italia, the controversial remake that said bye and then uno-reversed itself (thanks netflix)

- a lot of people don’t like skam italia. it’s understandable, as the actress for sana is not a woc or muslim. however, it is slightly understandable (but not defendable, i was way too disappointed when i found this out) given italy and it’s cultural background. it astonished me that they could even produce an isak remake due to their pretty strong religious beliefs. italy is very much roman catholic, and gay marriage isn’t even legal there (this is the only skam where gay marriage is not legalized). so i give them major props to facing potential backlash in producing s2/marti’s season. it makes sense for there to not be a muslim/woc actress because of the demographics in italy. ww1 and ww2 really spun a number on italy’s race, as many jews and romas as well as pretty much any non-italian ethnicity were kicked out. this creates barriers especially when it comes to hiring a woc actress. skam italia is already breaking barriers when it came to controversial topics (literally all of skam would be controversial in italy’s alt-right view, it seems). tl;dr: kudos for being able to produce a pro-gay show but shame for not being able to hire a woc actess.

- i loved marti’s season as was a fan of the other two seasons. they’re well produced and beautiful and more dramatic than the other skams imo! the soundtrack is absolutely gorgeous.

skam austin, the american cousin no one seems to like that really lives up to the american stereotype

- ok. when i first saw austin/the fact that they made an american remake, i hated it. disgusting. i hâte america as it is. it was cringey, the acting was bad (i’m sorry i’m sorry), and it got rid of the charm that skam had.

- when i watched it a second time around, i changed my mind. i think grace’s season redeemed it a lil bit. it’s living proof that skam remakes must be watched twice or more to fully formulate an opinion. it’s still cringey but i mean, it’s very accurate to american culture. i’m ashamed to say that i, an american, have said many phrases that austin has used.

- skam austin isn’t THAT bad as people make it out to be. i think americans esp are uncomfortable with a skam from their own culture, myself included. and it’s fine to not vibe with it and prefer other skam remakes. i think the actors are okay, better when i saw it the second time, and the editing/music/videography is beautiful (ofc julie andem is a part of it). people give it crap for being american.

skam nl, may she rest in peace or pull an italia and 180 us

- man i was so depressed when i heard that lucas vdh was not getting his season. lucas is downright one of my favorite isak remakes and his story would’ve been so interesting.

- besides that, skam italia has one of the best eva seasons. it is my favorite and is usually a lot of others favorites as well. isa is just so relatable. liv’s season is also incredibly well produced. i didn’t hate noah! it was a miracle come true. he redeemed the william character if only for one remake.

- my one comment/critic isn’t even that serious. it’s just? dutch? it sounds so...weird. i’m a stupid american but i cracked up at things that were definitely NOT jokes because of the language. i’m sorry netherlands/holland i do not mean to laugh.

skam españa, also controversial for good reasons but also conflictingly good

- alright folks. i am confused with skam españa. i don’t know if i love it or like it.

- hear me out. we all know of the controversy with the panphobic comment that nora made. it was stupid and uncalled for and really disrespected the whole pan community of viewers. now, not many people are pan but for a show where an original character (even bech næsheim, love of my life) is canonically pan? it was kind of a slap to the face.

- besides the comment i loved cris’ season. it was refreshing to get an isak season where it was a she, one, and where isak was not living with his eskild but instead had a family. it was also beautifully shot and i love irene with my entire heart.

- that said, i liked eva’s season. nora’s season is interesting. maybe it’s because it’s the first i’ve watched multiple seasons live (españa and france) and have no attention span and is more interested in skam france s5? idk. the clips aren’t really doing it for me. i love the viri clips but the nora clips are eh. she just seems very...in genuine? idk. i also hate miquel get his ugly ass out of here. i can’t fully analyze the season until it’s over but i’m not really interested in it. i also don’t like the noorhelm plot or dynamic at all so that may be it.

wtfock, or another controversial remake that imo shouldn’t be controversial

- wow. i love wtfock. s1 was rocky and i wasn’t sure of how it would be. s2 SLAPPED ME THRU THE ROOF. god i love senne de smet so much. zoë is actually redeemable??? and oh my god milan is my favorite eskild like please adopt me.

- season 3 was the first one i watched live. i arrived to the skam scene late so i didn’t get to experience march madness aka 5 live skams at once and i wish i did. but wow. willem ds and willem h really are one of the main reasons why wtfock s3 did so well. they’re amazing actors with incredibly chemistry.

- the controversy that imo should be controversy: the gay bashing scene. i was surprised at the backlash. people were upset over the fact that they showed such...intense events without immediate remediation. it’s understandable to be mad but? they were criticizing things that had no correlation with the scene, like the willems’ acting or the music picked. it was very wild. they also did a lot of bitching about how lgbt people should see gay bashing because it’ll bring back bad memories and that skam was for the gays only and should cater for only lgbt people. which i heavily disagree with. 1) gay bashing in media is so prevalent and downright important. things can’t be fluffy gay all the time. this happens in real life and does such a great complement to noor’s comment about how no one cares that robbe is gay because it’s 2019. THAT. IS. SO. IMPORTANT. it’s so so important to realize that despite the strides made for lgbt people, gay bashing and violent homophobia. still. exist. also. i would like to direct you to these examples of gay bashing where no one blinked an eye : queer as folk, where s1 justin gets bashed in at his prom and has difficulties drawing; s2 (i think? may be s1) skam españa where lucas rubio gets bashed; skam s4 where even and isak encounter a homophobic dick; these examples are endless. the one thing that miffed me the most was that many critics acted as if they were forced to watch wtfock and therefore criticize its every move. like no? you have a choice? no one is forcing you. quite the opposite! wtfock is geoblocked! you’re actually forcing yourself because you’re taking the time to find illicit resources in order to watch it! alright man i’m done with this rant. many also criticized the writing of the show. it was shaky but watching it a 2nd time, where all clips were released, was so much better when it came to clarity. many ‘poor writing choices’ made sense in the larger picture. again another example that you should watch skam remakes twice to understand the big picture.

- tl;dr wtfock is lovely and should not be criticized for one wrong move.

thank u for hearing me out. i have strong opinions but a frail heart. pls be nice!

[clansayeed]

Things Worth Keeping, or the Annual Raines Corp. Fourth of July Charity Gala

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil)

⥼ Summary ⥽

Kamilah takes great care in preserving some of the more sentimental articles of clothing she's acquired over the years. Nadya realizes she might have a historical costume kink.

word count: 2,775 rating: teen+ content warnings: language, brief political discourse, implied sexual undertones, implied kink

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽ 

So it turns out every time there’s an event that requires Kamilah’s attendance (specifically requires, since the Awakening Ball was both some weird vampire-political obligation and her wanting to see Marcel again) the mannequins come out.

Only for costume events though.

Or… she’s decided ‘every’ just because what are the chances she’s lucky enough to behold the sight of Kamilah Sayeed in period wear twice in one year? Apparently very good, very good indeed.

The vampire takes it upon herself to explain while fussing with a few collars and sleeves rumpled in transit. Nadya takes it upon herself to listen intently — takes everything in her willpower not to take notes. “Indeed one comes to terms rather early on that all objects are replaceable and their worth is only what the owner projects upon them,” which is quite a lot judging by the little smile Nadya sees peeking at the corner of Kamilah’s lips as she works, “and because I have had the misfortune of losing things I once coveted, I see no harm in preserving that which has stayed with me.”

Nadya adjusts her seat on the couch; makes sure the lid on her travel mug is secure otherwise she’ll never be allowed to drink in the front room again. “Is that a really fancy way of saying ‘I think it’s really pretty and I want to keep it that way?’”

Kamilah goes still. Not the tense kind of still that makes Nadya want to stuff her words back in her mouth but the kind of still she’s come to understand will reap very wise rewards. If she’s patient enough.

She’s learning to be patient enough.

“I suppose if you wish to bring the sentiment down to the simplest terms… yes.”

And oh man even that little agreement has Nadya buzzing excited.

“I’m so excited — this is gonna be so much fun!”

“What it will be, Nadya, is a gross exaggeration more akin to a serial drama than the real thing.”

“Wow, grumpy pants. Where’s your sense of patriotism?”

“In the same gutter as the ideals on which this nation was founded.”

Okay, fair point. But that brings up a very good series of questions all scrambling to make themselves heard. Which goes about as well as it always does and leaves Nadya tongue-tied and mute.

More than a few times Kamilah throws subtle looks in Nadya’s direction. Totally discreet and casual — done while circling a dress here, adjusting a cravat there. And each time she asks some variation of “Are you sure this is how you wish to spend your evening?” Nadya gives her the same answer.

“There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.”

The final time Kamilah is just close enough to turn crisp on her heel and bring them face to face. Her deep honey eyes roam Nadya’s face and spare no detail; like she’s one of those pretty dresses Kamilah’s kept after all these years.

It makes Nadya feel small and big, whole down to the tips of her toes but also just a sliver in Kamilah’s long long life. Which is a lot to feel for someone of her size. Maybe too much.

Cool, soft lips on her forehead force Nadya to open eyes she didn’t know she was squeezing shut. No longer scrutinizing, now the vampiress allows them both a rare glimpse behind the mask. To the concern she guards close and reserves for those she cares about.

Adrian, Gerard, Marcel… Nadya.

She cares about me that way. Holy cow.

“You truly mean that.” Kamilah says and it isn’t a question. Kamilah isn’t in the business of asking stupid questions to which she knows the answers — that’s Nadya’s ball game.

“Of course I do.”

“Forgive my surprise.”

“Always.”

It’s just a kiss. People kiss all the time, all over the world. But those people aren’t Nadya and they aren’t kissing Kamilah so they couldn’t possibly know how wonderful and important and loved each one makes her feel.

Along with all the other things that make her squeak when they part. It’s impossible to miss that look in Kamilah’s gaze.

“While I enjoy your company immensely Nadya… I may have to ask you to leave,” even though the trace of her finger over Nadya’s lips kind of contradicts that, “as I do have to attend a conference call before the night is through.”

Nadya doesn’t even care that her pout is a little childish. “I thought you took the day off for this.”

“I took a half day for this. You were the one who insisted on losing an entire night’s productivity to help me choose my attire.”

“I’ll be quiet?” There’s no harm in trying, right? Thankfully Kamilah still seems more amused than anything.

“You misunderstand.”

Does she, though, because there are only so many ways to take the sudden closeness. Kamilah’s hands braced atop the back of the couch pinning Nadya between the cushion and her permanence, the contradictory darkness in her bright eyes with their lowered lashes, and oh my god that smirk…

Then Kamilah’s leaning in to whisper in her ear and she’s just—just jello, absolute jello. “I had hoped to be finished by now, yet I keep finding myself distracted.”

Jello or not though Nadya will always be Nadya.

“I—I can leave, if… if that’s what you want.” I know work is important to you. I know schedules are important to you even though your organizational methods are outdated and frankly anxiety-inducing. I know you have a lot to get done and only so many hours of moonlight to do it…

Kamilah doesn’t answer. Instead just taps the underside of Nadya’s chin with her pointer finger and gives a smile in reward when the human lifts her head obediently.

“What do you want, Nadya?”

You know what I want, she would normally say, but if she did then all their… all their training would be for nothing. And don’t memories of that (as recent as, uhm, three in the afternoon today) make her zone out somewhere over Kamilah’s shoulder.

Seven mannequins; still headless, still creepy. Four beautiful ballgowns and a priceless Egyptian kalasiris†, a definitely custom-tailored zoot suit, and…

Holy broad stripes and bright stars.

“I asked you a question.”

Oh yeah, she’s definitely wearing that.

Kamilah doesn’t have to remind her twice. Nadya leans forward what little she can; basks shamelessly in the one thing in the entire world she knows she’s earned—

The way Kamilah looks at her with absolute pride.

“You. I want you.”

Its so fulfilling to see all her hard work come together in one place, on one night, and with the promise of fireworks to come. There’s just something about fireworks. She loves ‘em.

Jax lets out his fifth heavy and long-suffering sigh of the minute. A personal best, but Nadya’s having too much fun to ruin the night by telling him.

Unfortunately her hoop skirt makes it hard to sidle up for a hip-check. Cue sigh number six.

“You know I’m technically the hostess for this thing, right?”

“Are you saying you’re the person I complain to?”

She huffs. “No, I’m saying that your grumpy face is personally offending me.”

She can’t tell if he’s purposefully avoiding her eyes out of spite or shame — then a roaring yelp of laughter from the dance floor draws Nadya’s attention out to where Lily and Maricruz spin fast-paced and free; held together by just their hands and their shared looks of ‘I couldn’t care less where I am so long as it’s with you.’

At least that gets a little smile out of Mr. Grumpy-Pants.

A costumed server stops at the pair of them and offers his tray of goodies up like sin. Nadya spares two quick glances over either shoulder — thankfully Adrian has donors to schmooze and Kamilah hasn’t arrived yet — before she plucks a cheese cube carved in the shape of the Liberty Bell.

But it isn’t enough that Jax has to act so unhappy the entire gala — now he’s stealing her snack and eating it himself?! Where’s my purse, where’s my stake?!

What else can she do but gape? He doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed, just chews and chews and swallows while trying to ease the itch in his legs caused by the borrowed hose.

“Lily warned me you might make bad choices.”

So what? I’m a grown woman, I can make bad choices if I want to. “Are all of you in on some big conspiracy to keep me from cheese?”

“If it’ll spare you future pain, yeah.” Which — she wasn’t expecting that. Nadya can’t help but feel her face soften. One look down her way though and he rolls his eyes. “Stop it.”

“You hate my party. You steal my cheese. What’s next, burning my crops and delivering a plague onto my house?”

Jax looks appalled — which is a real shame. That would have gone over so well with Lily. “I—what?!”

Nadya just waves it off though. “Forget it. Just…” oh hey look, time for her own sigh, “forget it.”

“It’s not you. It’s these tights.”

“They’re hose.”

“They itch.”

“Imagine wearing them all the time.”

Nadya is totally enjoying her frilly not-period-accurate-in-the-slightest ensemble but of course Adrian is the only one who looks really right in his whole get up. It’s a good thing he has to wear modern suits and styles or else he’d be pegged for a vampire right away.

Her boss pulls her in for a one-armed hug, expertly outmaneuvering the skirt but he probably has experience with that, huh? And his smile only widens as he takes in Jax in all his colonial glory.

“They were good in the winter, obviously. Though I’ll admit once I didn’t feel the weather anymore the discomfort really presented itself as a problem.”

Jax just rolls his eyes. “Why do I feel like you throw this thing just to say shit like that?” Which— she can tell he’s trying to be sarcastic but Adrian definitely goes tense beside her.

“I ‘throw this thing,’ as you say, because my own personal wealth can only go so far, and most of it is immaterial. But every donation is material, and that maximizes the good I can do with it.”

Nadya nods eagerly. “There’s like six different scholarships in STEM research alone, I think a dozen in the business sector, and when we get to our goal tonight —” she knows they will, Raines Corp. history states they always do and Raines Corp. never had her to push them above and beyond, “— the company’ll have enough to match the city’s bid for the abandoned tunnel reconstruction project.”

If he ever read the minutes she sent him after every Council meeting he’d know this, but when Jax said he didn’t do paperwork he meant he really didn’t do paperwork.

But it’s enough to get his attention. “And what happens then?”

Adrian shrugs. “I postpone it. The most I can do without getting politicians involved is five years but I figure… that should be long enough to either relocate the former Clanless and break even, or fortify the Shadow Den enough that any efforts won’t cause structural damage. Unfortunately Vega’s interim replacement hasn’t officially made her views on such things known, but I think with time —”

It’s—as Lily would put it—freakin’ cinematic. How Adrian’s voice fades away to a buzzing in her ears and Jax’s reply sounds like a mouthful of cotton. The music dims and the lights aren’t as bright except where they fall on her when she strides through the open double doors.

Now let it be known that Nadya firmly believes Kamilah looks amazing in anything. Her power suits, a crimson dress from centuries gone, the plum kimono she uses as a nightgown… Honestly she’d probably somehow make a banana costume look sinfully sexy.

No. What? No. Moving on.

And even though Nadya knew the moment she laid eyes on the uniform it was the non-negotiable choice — her brain put some weird filter on itself to keep her from imagining just what that looked like. Probably to try and keep her sane.

Because the real thing… there are literally no words.

Adrian’s laugh comes both from behind her and a million miles away. “Would you look at that. Now that is a sight that brings back memories.”

“Wow, color me surprised.” Jax deadpans.

Adrian is a close personal friend of the New York Historical Reenactment Society (surprisingly not a bunch of vampires… if there was ever a group suspect but no, she’s checked) and most of them are in attendance tonight. They make Nadya look like her dress—a gift from Adrian, rental only—was bought at a cheap pop-up Halloween store.

And Kamilah makes them look like a middle school theatre cast. There’s just something about the fabric, the way it fits her and the way she carries not just the uniform but her own body inside of it that makes her look authentic. No one would believe her; not with the freshly-oiled leather and polished brass buttons, but Nadya’s chaotic-dumb brain really wants to scream “take a look at the real deal, ya posers!”

Kamilah’s hand rests on the glossy hilt of her saber as she approaches. Eyes passing right over Adrian — probably used to the sight — and sparing Jax absolute no dignity in the soft “ha” she gives.

“I didn’t know we could wear uniforms.”

Kamilah raises an eyebrow and tucks a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. “You… have one?”

“No,” sigh number seven, “but I would’ve tried to find one. Anything to get out of these tights.”

“They were useful during winter.”

Adrian laughs and gestures to her eagerly. “That’s what I said!”

Kamilah wasn’t ignoring her, not on purpose. That’s made obvious the second she finally does take in every skirt and frill, every pearl in her necklace and lets her eyes linger where Nadya’s chest heaves against her corset.

“Nadya, you look as beautiful as ever.” Then Kamilah takes her hand and kisses the back of it with a soldier’s courteous bow. Where’d I leave that dumb lace fan…?

She’s about 99.9% sure Kamilah holding her hand is the only thing keeping her standing right now.

Adrian snickers. Nadya couldn’t care less. “Careful there, General Sayeed††. Your lady seems about to swoon.”

Thankfully the woman takes heed and pulls Nadya close, possibly the most public affection they’ve ever had holy crap on a cracker, resting a hand on the curve of her hip. Yet she looks at Adrian with… what is that, mild annoyance?

“You know very well I was not named General until nearly a century later.”

Jax mouths his silent counting — blanches; “You were a General in the Civil War? You know what — of course you were.”

“A discussion for another day, perhaps.” Kamilah dismisses him just shy of pushing him out the door; lucky for Nadya both he and Adrian take the hint and fade into the cinematic background.

It’s just Nadya and Kamilah now.

“Hello.”

“H-Hi.”

Long fingers brush a strand of Nadya’s hair aside feather-light. “You do look… stunning, Nadya. You look stunning. Blue becomes you yet again.”

Blue? She’s wearing blue? Because her face is scarlet. “You — I mean — wow like…” words Nadya — words, “you really wore that and…” And fought in it?

Kamilah’s nod is curt. “In a sense. My skills were best suited to espionage, sabotage and the like.”

“Of course they were.”

“Though I’m gladdened to know the uniform still becomes me.”

As if it ever wouldn’t. “You look perfect in, like, everything.” But Kamilah’s not a fan of those kinds of blanket statements, so she tries again a little bit more from the heart. “You make a uniform look really good, that’s what I mean.”

The hand on her hip presses down then; important and as on purpose as everything else Kamilah does. Through the fabric right underneath her hand a familiar purpling not-at-all-bruise sings sweet on Nadya’s skin. Of course Kamilah knows where the love bite is. She was the one who gifted it.

“I may be the soldier…” Kamilah pulls her close; a hold of stone — she leans down to ghost a kiss at Nadya’s jaw (and knows it will drive her wilder than wild) and whisper in her ear.

“But you’ll be the one taking orders.”

Nadya’s last coherent thought?

She really needs to find more chances to get Kamilah in costume.

NOTE: While this fic technically exists in the Oblivion Bound universe it works standalone as well, I think. The only references are brief and to Maricruz Espinoza, a vampire original character and girlfriend of Lily, and a sort-of reference to the fact that Marcel survived in my fanfiction. Hopefully it still reads well!