#would you believe me if i said that this is about learning that the discord server ithat helped me cope with 2020 is gonna be deleted

[satoriberry]

learning to move on and accept change is such a beautiful thing i dont think i talk enough in here about personal milestones or spiritual acheivements

[stealingyourbones]

I don't really get the people who think reading the comics is such a radical idea. Don't they want to learn more about them? aren't they curious what makes them tick? what insane adventures they went on? what fears they have? what makes them laugh and smile? I'm from europe so I haven't seen any of the DC shows I see mentioned every once in a while (which means I really don't get the whole Clark hates clones thing... but that's a different thing) and it's only been this year that I have enough disposable income to splurge on comics, aka I haven't read that many just yet.

But I do think the ones I have read enhance the stories I'm trying to tell, which to me is a good reason to read them ;p but besides that, they are fun! they are just really fun to read

I’m glad you’re having fun reading comics man! It’s a shame that folks don’t read them as much but you know, I can understand it. I both asked some folks in the Haunting Heroes discord server and have some of my own points to make about this.

First of all I do still believe that you should consume some form of DC media if you’re in the fandom. It’s fun and there are comics, books, movies, tv shows, and every other form of medium known to man that you can take a peek at! Idk I’m just a bit DC enjoyer and think that looking at canon media to expand on your knowledge and help create ideas you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t looked at said piece of media.

Now onto why reading comic books is hard:

Some folks simply prefer the fandom and not the official DC content. Whether they prefer fanon, find fics more accessible, or like the people in the fandom, they’d rather just stick to the fandom.

They simply don’t know where to start. Getting into comics can be INCREDIBLY overwhelming ( DC has done their best to fix this and has messed up more than once. My go to is to reccomend folks just start reading New 52 comic runs as it’s really good for new readers to jump into the comics with any hero that might intrigue them). Big comic events span multiple comic story runs and not a cohesive line of comics, some omnibuses for stories are out of print, the 80+ years of comics are daunting as hell, and everyone has their own opinion on the best versions of a character/where to start/what to read.

Money. Comics are an expensive hobby to have. They may cost $1-$5 each on average but that price adds up over time. I have a comic collection of roughly 1,300 comics. I’d estimate its value very roughly around the $7,800 range. It’s probably far more than that though and I know damn well reselling it I won’t get half of that value back. I’m very fortunate to be a college student with disposable income and for this hobby to be the only thing I ever really spend money on besides rent and food. Some people either can’t afford them or don’t want to buy a comic they don’t know if it’s good or not.

Varying quality. Comics are a very mixed bag thing where they can be incredibly written or some of the worst pieces of media you’ve ever read. With this being the case, it can be really hard to find a comic character or writer you like if that’s your first experience. It takes a while to learn about different writers and find out who your favorite writers are. What’s harder is some writers can make absolute masterpieces with one character and the next comic run they cover it can be absolute garbage. Not only that, everyone has opinions on what is a good comic run or not. It’s impossible to find a repeatedly stated and easily accessible list on the good comics to read.

Pretentious “Canon is God” fans. Experiencing “um actually this isn’t good because this isn’t how the canon character would act” responses from people can really fucking suck and diminish their want to experience anything that’s official DC writing. I’ve seen more than one person go into this primarily fanon focused space and insult people saying their writing isn’t canonical and therefore it isn’t valid. It’s Uber Pretentious, demeaning, and actively harms peoples interests in checking out canon content.

Timelines. I already kind of said it but DC’s timelines are a mess. hell, even New 52 has some fucked up timelines making all of Batman’s previous timelines canon but happen only within a seven year period. That’s WAY too short for how much history is packed in there. The amount of crisises that happen and fully change the lore and timelines of characters is bonkers, the comic runs that bounce between different comic runs are really confusing, and the fact that there isn’t a True Starting Point for reading makes it so hard to grasp anything that’s happening. It’s one of comics biggest issues and no matter what DC has done they have yet to find a convenient solution.

Sensitive Content. Comics from DC are littered with either intentional, badly aged, or ignorantly written plot points and writing choices that will turn away readers. DC has its fair share of sexism, misogyny, abelism, racism, abuse, sexual harassment, sexual assaults, or topics casually addressed that can be very triggering for some people. Especially since a large amount of that sort of content is handled incredibly poorly. One particular writer, Alan Moore, writes sexual assault scenes with absolutely zero tact or the delicateness that a topic such as that should be held in. It’s almost solely used as a “let’s make the bad guy do the most fucked up thing they could do” throwaway plot point. Comics of the sort dissuade a lot of readers because of both the heavy content within comics and how that content can be incredibly poorly handled. This is partially why some folks would prefer to read fics. Comics are a unknown mixed grab bag when it comes to content like this and things exactly like this is known to make PTSD symptoms worse while fics have tags and can warn you before you consume the content within.

Time. A lot of folks have busy lives and just don’t have the time to read them.

The ways they intake media. Some folks might have a better time watching a long commentary video that explains a comic or their brain can’t process the comic medium very well. I can read and retain comic knowledge but even I am unique in this aspect, my memory is frightening levels of bad and is proven by science to be absolute shit. I have to reread comics at least once a month to retain the basic bare bones plot. Just because one person can easily digest what’s going on in a comic doesn’t mean everyone can.

Comics are such a big part of my life. I love them so much and they’ve gotten me through so many things. My own experience with comics isn’t the same for others and my thoughts on reading comics differs with other people. A lot of people have equally as many reasons for why they don’t read comics as you and I have for reading them.

[badsweetangel]

Kinktober Day 23: Against the wall (Henry Bowers x Reader)

Warnings: Manipulation, degradation, creampie, Patrick being himself, boys are not gentlemen (I missed this warning so much), attempt to write in gender neutral.

You slowly packed your things into your bag. You weren’t in a hurry. You were the only one left in the room. The lights were off, and the hallway was so empty it gave you the creeps. Things were happening in Derry. Serious things. But you decided to go calmly. You couldn’t show fear, much less with your situation. You closed your backpack, deciding it was time to leave.

However, Henry had already decided.

He entered the classroom quickly, closing the door behind him. His fists were clenched, and his breathing was labored. He was upset.

Very upset.

You decided to stay calm. You waited for him to reproach you.

“You talk to losers now?” He approached you menacingly, leaving you cornered against the wall at the back of the classroom. Leaving you trapped, unable to escape.

“Richie only spoke to me at the casino to annoy me." You defended yourself without the need to show annoyance. “I just answered him so I wouldn’t be rude.”

Henry cornered you against the wall and slammed his fist hard against it. You showed a small sign of shock. You knew what that meant. Usually, it was a way to vent anger on an object so as not to do it with the person in front of him.

A courtesy that he could only allow himself with you.

You learned to appreciate the good part of that action.

“Actually, I think he just wanted to cause trouble." Henry squeezed your arm hard. “And you, you’re just a dumb bitch who plays along.”

A small sign of disgust showed on your face. You were sure that the situation he was accusing you of wasn’t too serious. In fact, it wasn’t at all. You said three words to Richie, which was three seconds of your life, and then you went back to your business. You saw the loudmouth Tozier only once, and Henry was making a fuss.

“You will stop talking to people I don’t like,” he ordered, pushing you against the wall once more. “I can’t make myself look like an idiot in front of everyone.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, genuinely puzzled. “I doubt anyone has said anything about it, if I may say so.”

If looks could kill, you would definitely not be in this world anymore. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips.

“Hockstetter told me he’s seen you talking to him many more times.” His hands unleashed more force on you. “If you do that again, you’ll suffer.”

Not rolling your eyes was a real effort. That idiot Patrick was again sowing discord between the two of you. He liked seeing Henry get angry at you; he loved watching him take out his anger on you and insult you. He was a fucking bastard.

But you decided to play your cards better this time. “Actually, Patrick makes me nervous,” you started to say, feigning fear and focusing your gaze downwards.

Henry’s fingers lessened the strength of their grip on your hips. It was working. He was upset, but not with you this time.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He snapped, snapping out of his vulnerable moment and returning to his usual aggressive attitude. “Talk now.”

“He gives me the wrong looks.” You looked him straight in the eyes, putting on your best damsel in distress. “When you’re not around, he hints at his fucking weird fantasies.”

Henry circled his fingers around your neck and squeezed. He was getting angry. Your hand tried to pull his away, to no avail.

“And why didn’t you tell me anything?” He held your neck even tighter. “Do you even like him, bitch?”

Your breathing was coming in short gasps. You had little time to defend yourself and look good in front of him. It was hard to manipulate him because he was always angry and never let his guard down with anyone.

“He told me you would never believe me,” you said between your gasps. “He thinks he has a little bit of control over you.”

Henry, let go of your neck. He was much more upset. You suppressed your smile. At least you had gotten him to forget about your supposed mistake. Besides, the information you gave him was half true anyway. Much more true than a lie.

Henry was going to leave, probably to fight with Patrick.

But you had already decided for him. You grabbed his arm, meeting his confused and annoyed gaze.

You rested your hands on his shoulders and kissed him slowly, increasing your speed as he responded to you.

“15 minutes until they arrive to check the classroom,” you informed him between kisses.

“Something is something.” He gave you a cheeky smile.

His lips focused on your neck. He wanted to leave many marks. He wanted everyone to see that no one could mess with you, that only he could manipulate you and do whatever he wanted with you. He was the only one who was allowed to do all kinds of things with you. He left three hickeys on your neck that were hard enough to hide. In fact, you were sure it was impossible.

He pulled down your pants. You knew he would start right away. He wasn't a man who cared much about that kind of thing. He was an ordinary man, like everyone else. It was an open secret among your female colleagues that men generally got straight to the point. Even, as far as you knew, some normalized not feeling anything. You felt a lot, so you could only pity them from afar.

He didn't waste any more time and inserted his cock into you. His thrusts were strong, full of rage and anger. He wanted to take out all the problems you had caused him. If he were somewhere else, he would have punished you a couple of times already. But there was no time. Although perhaps that should have been your punishment, that the cleaners of the classroom would see you when they came to check it. However, he avoided breaking the faces of people who could accuse him of his father. So he resigned himself to having in mind that he had to provide you with a punishment. You felt a little pain, yes, but the pleasure dominated. An electrifying sensation ran through your body as you saw the movement of Henry's ass inside you, the muscles of his back tensing and his eyes closed, repressing expressing too much pleasure with his face.

You allowed yourself to smile, as if you didn't already know. Then, your eyes went to the window. And you were surprised; it was the first time your features revealed an inner thought since Henry came to see you. But it was obvious; Patrick knew how to make an impression. He looked at you with a sick smile.

He had probably come to see how Henry scolded you, but he found something much better.

His eyes screamed what he wanted to tell you.

You are a fucking manipulator. I would like to shut you up.

You smiled back at him, knowing that you had gotten his message. And from there, you overexaggerated your reactions. Letting him know that his game had not worked. You could notice how Henry was getting more and more excited and going much harder so that he could feel your louder moans in your ear.

Patrick palmed his crotch and caressed it. He squeezed it and accommodated it.

Suddenly, you no longer felt pain during Henry's penetration. Only overwhelming pleasure.

Your face flushed. You had shown weakness to Patrick. This couldn’t be good.

A shameless moan that was clearly honest left your mouth. Patrick, being an expert at picking up on weaknesses, noticed it immediately. He smirked at you. He had won.

Henry smiled as he watched you come undone easily; he could feel your fluids wetting his cock. He chased his release.

He looked into your eyes, and you forced yourself to keep your gaze on him.

However, when he finished, he did so with his eyes closed. You looked back at the window, but there was no one there. Henry fixed himself up again, absorbed in the cum leaking out of your entrance and down your leg. In a rush, he lifted you onto the table and spread your legs.

He watched obsessed with his cum leaking out of you and staining the table.

“You will not talk to people I don’t like." He remembered without looking at your face. “And Patrick will have to deal with me,” he sentenced.

And he left. When he was at the door, he grabbed the handle and turned his gaze to you.

“Get dressed,” he ordered mockingly. “I don’t want them to see you.” You sighed when he was already far away.

If he knew that Patrick saw you and shamelessly touched his own crotch, your boyfriend wouldn’t be so happy.

[arandomnerd810]

personal TADC character analysis

uh warning this is long lol

autism time let’s go (/not in a negative way i have autism) stretches hands * I’ll go in order of the character episodes cause why not we have it (see below) i’ll put periods but it will just be to make it more readable not to be intimidating lolll

btw im completely open to interpretations of characters changing throughout the series this is just for fun

Gooseworx has said this series is mostly focused on characters rather than lore, and from what we know, i truly believe it. I don’t think any of the current characters will abstract because of this.

(I put a version of this in the glitch inn discord theory thing so if you recognize it that’s why)

Pomni: we already know her deal pretty well, as we’ve already had her episode. uuuh if anyone’s going to do something important lore wise it will probably be her as she’s the main character but can’t rlly tell what that may be. to review ep 2 though she’s an outcast who has felt like she was nothing and is a logical thinker.

(Kinger and Zooble will there their focus episode but i put it in order of who was revealed to be the ep 3 focus first)

Zooble: From their design (the entire motif is it can be changed at any time) and the fact she doesn’t know his gender, we’re dealing with some pretty clear identity issues. Friends with Gangle seems cool excited for next episode to learn more about them!

Kinger: One of the most interesting characters so far. I feel like we will get to learn more about abstraction though Queenie, the X-ed out door that looks like a female version of him. If i had to guess, since Gooseworx said they were not siblings, they were a couple. (Also judging by his age and the fact he could have been married, he may have been a father yeowch imagine that) I can see the common theory of the insect collection implying he was a coder before getting trapped, but i could also see him being some random guy who just likes bugs lol. He seems like really sweet guy behind his constant anxiety and disassociating.

 Gangle: (My faveorite human rn) Her mask design can be interpreted in a lot of ways but it’s clear that the happy mask isn’t her real personality. My take on it rn is she doesn’t wana bother people with her stuff so she pretends she’s happy? She seems easily embarrassed and def has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell. What’s interesting though is she’s willing to stand up for herself from time to time, even though she’s easily shot down after.

Ragatha: Waaaay too nice for her own good. Also probably has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell and bases her self worth of others approval.  Though she’s been here the second longest, she seems a lot more normal than Kinger. Makes me question how long apart their introductions have been. Probably copes via escapism.

Jax: I can see why everyone is very interested in him cause me too. He seems like the only fourth wall breaky guy (unless you count Caine cause of his intro at the pilot)which is rlly interesting how did he figure out more than everyone else? what’s with the keys? i have no clue lmao. He’s an asshole who makes the best of his situation by torturing everyone else. At the end of the day though, he’s a human and was sad at kaufmo’s abstraction but he probably isolates himself so it would probably be the same for anyone

but waAitTt a moment

that’s 6 humans but Gooseworx said we would look into 7 (cause of the “other” part) in her twitter post talking about the character focus timeline so we know our fav character won’t be left behind ⁉️⁉️⁉️ I hear you not asking well my dear hypothetical person, who better to fill the 7th character than Caine?

Why you did not ask? Too bad i’m info dumping. First, he’s the main antagonist and alongside Pomni, the commercial face (or lack their of haha teeth and eye joke) of the series. he’s an important character and loved by many. (and hated equally if not more aside the point lmaooo)

Yes, gooseworx can lie about stuff but I think she’s smarter than to lead this heavy into Caine depth/ angst territory if there wasn’t going to be anything On top of that, the entire purpose of the timeline post was so we know our faveorite characters weren’t getting treated poorly. It’s unlike for a character based show to suddenly drop such a major character for some random other guy were introduced to later or smth. i mean cmon there’s three episodes after all the humans at least one of them has to be focused on my boy.

Caine: I believe he really does have good intentions and wants to help but just does not understand people at all. This means he’s like an anxiety disorder; it wants to help, solves some issues but creates 500 more. Judging by the Tumblr post, loneliness may play a big part in what’s to come? I’ve always had a feeling his front was extremely fake and his VA saying “breaks keyfable” (an act that pretends it’s true) supports that theory. Episode two gives some insecurity vibes when Zooble didn’t want to go on the adventure. I find that pretty interesting cause he didn’t care at all if people went on the gloink adventure or not. Maybe he puts some adventures over others and he could have been proud of the candy adventure cause more time and care was put into it and he made a new AI. Why did he blue screen? i feel like he could have some blockages on what he can say built in though im not sure why he was blocked then if he even was. one of the biggest questions i have ab him currently tbh. what’s with him grabbing his cane like that in ep 2? if i had to guess simply be nervous = that? His VA also knows some depth to him even though his focus episode is likely going to be at least one of the last 3 episodes, which they have not gotten to recording yet. You know what this means Caine angst solidarity club? Sad Caine so more fan angst appetizers before the main cannon feast let’s friccin go‼️‼️⁉️⁉️

(try to guess my fav impossible /j)

[arotaro]

I love voidpunk but I’m also curious about if there are any guidelines or rules, like what things are allowed and what things aren’t? /genq sorry if you’ve answered this before or answered something similar and I missed it I’m not super pro at finding stuff 😭 also double sorry if it’s an offensive question to ask. I’m genuinely not trying to offend you I’m just trying to learn more and since I’m kind of a baby queer I want to make sure the words I use fit me.

You can check the voidpunk tag on my blog, since I have talked about it before, but I'll go over some quick points:

There is no "requirement" for participating in voidpunk. Anyone who tells you "oh, only such-and-such group can be voidpunk" or anything along those lines is lying. HOWEVER:

The "punk" part of voidpunk is not there for no reason. It is tied to the punk subculture and it's best to have a general understanding of this subculture before participating in voidpunk. Also, voidpunk is specifically a reaction to dehumanization, and it's important to understand that certain people experience this more than others. People of color get dehumanized. Disabled people get dehumanized. People with personality disorders get dehumanized. Trans people get dehumanized. Aspecs get dehumanized. etc. etc. We are here to call attention to and take power away from this, not to be niceys about it. I left the voidpunk subreddit and its associated Discord server because it was full of entitled white cunts who acted like they couldn't possibly be racist because they were autistic or some shit and I was being sooooo mean and disruptive for asking them not to be blatantly racist, and I just want to make it clear that if this had been a real life social group and not an online space, I would have knocked their teeth out. Understand? That said, you don't have to be every oppressed minority ever to participate in voidpunk- you just have to be respectful and willing to listen.

One misconception I see very often is that voidpunk is some sort of personal identity along the lines of otherkin, etc. This is not true. Voidpunk is an aesthetic and philosophy, NOT about genuinely believing yourself to be inhuman. There certainly may be people who identify as both voidpunk and otherkin, or what have you, and that's fine! That's cool! I love those people. But they're not synonymous and should not be treated as such. You don't assume I'm really a vampire because I'm goth, right?

Also, the "void" part of voidpunk doesn't really mean anything. Genuinely, it was chosen because it sounds cool. I think another misconception I see sometimes is that voidpunk specifically is about like, literal voids or shadows or black holes or space or something, which is not true. It's kinda whatever. There are as many flavors of voidpunk as there are blue guys in the X-Men.

Have fun!

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Nothing in the world belongs to me (but my love, mine, all mine)

This started off as a silly conversation I had with @yuzanrath on Discord and now it's a whole thing.

Part 2 might be a bit (a lot) nsfw

For now, there's angst.

Enjoy!

-------------------

From the day she learned that her son had locked Wei Wuxian out of his room after Jiang Fengmian had seemingly offered the new arrival more attention, Madam Yu decided Wei Wuxian was to move in to a room of his own. A favor, one might think, giving the orphan boy a place of his own in the Jiang family compound and, perhaps, even in the family itself.

However, that had been far from the truth. After all, Madam Yu had never shown true kindness to the young boy and it would have been too good of a dream to come true that she might have finally accepted him – or, heavens forbid, even grown affectionate of him – enough to care about his comfort. Rather, it was more of her way to slap her husband in the face, kicking out the son of his subordinate and rumored affair to a backroom somewhere he would not bother anybody, sharing a building with the rest of the servants as she believed he should.

And though Wei Wuxian was still little, barely above ten years old, he knew. He knew that Madam Yu did not want him around and thought lowly of him – not just because of her behavior, but because she told him to his face often how much of a burden he was. Uncle Jiang had taught him not to mind her, to let her words sweep him by as she was quick to anger and violence and did not mean what she said, but Wei Wuxian was still a child, a blank canvas for the adults in his life to leave their mark on.

And so, Madam Yu’s words and behavior did affect him, her obstinate refusal to even be polite with him stinging like salt on an open wound. He had often wondered what it was that he was missing, what he was doing wrong – and no matter how hard he studied, how diligently he trained, how much he tried to prove himself, she always found fault with him and belittled even the most valiant of his efforts.

So, to hear that she allowed him his own room filled Wei Wuxian with great hope, a budding thing, beautiful and fragile, that perhaps she had changed her mind about him – shattered as soon as he was led by the then Jiang head disciple (the replacement of his father, he sadly noted) into the servants’ quarters, up a short flight of stairs, into a small attic.

“You will temporarily live here.” The man had said, trying to make it sound less like the permanent place Wei Wuxian already knew he would occupy. “It’s not much, but you should have everything you need.”

And he did – there was a bed, a desk, a chair and a small wardrobe, as well as two small shelves. Granted, they looked rather old and worn, like they had been stored into the attic long before Wei Wuxian’s arrival. But he had never been one to complain about such things, infinitely grateful to even have a place to stay at all – so he bowed in thanks to the head disciple and began putting away the few things in the chest he had dragged from the room he shared with Jiang Cheng to his new one.

If there was anything good about that place though, it was the one window above the bed that allowed Wei Wuxian a breathtaking view of Lotus Lake and the markets of Yunmeng, flickering lights from stalls and fireflies mingling together like stars fallen off the night sky. He decided he was happy with that, overriding the dust and the smell of mildew of the attic with the beauty of the scenery outside.

Of course, there was much needed to be done to make Wei Wuxian’s makeshift room livable – the corners bore thick blankets of spider cobwebs and many spider eggs nestled into soft silk; a thick layer of dust enveloped the room, often making it difficult to breathe but far too easy to sneeze; and black dots covered spots in the ceiling like ink blots, black mold festering in the wood.

But what was worse than the spiders (and other critters that scurried around the floor away from candlelight and human presence), the dust and the mold was the dark hole in one of the room’s corners, a human-sized hole that the Jiang head disciple had explained away as necessary for building maintenance. It was covered by a makeshift lid when not in use, but Wei Wuxian knew it hadn’t been just his imagination when he felt like something lived in that space, like he was sharing the room with some kind of entity that others could not, for some reason, sense, despite being skilled cultivators.

The first night Wei Wuxian had to sleep in his new room, he could not stop feeling like he was being watched, like there was something unseen in the attic, peering at him through places not even candlelight could reach, observing him.

In the morning, the first thing he did after he had awoken from the fitful few hours of sleep he had managed to get, was to drag his two small shelves over the lid of that so-called maintenance hole, thinking, in his childish, fear-addled mind that whatever lived there would not be able to get out if the exit to its home was closed off.

Jiang Yanli helped him clean up secretly, doing away with the dust and the spider webs, and placing perfumed herbs around the room to scare off the insects dwelling there as well as freshen the air. She had one of her trusted servants wipe away at the stains on the ceiling and apply the same concoction used to ward off mold in the main family’s household, leaving the room much cleaner and homely than it had been before.

She promised that she would sew him a small curtain for his window and brought him a few of the decorative china figurines she had in her room, trying to make the lonely attic seem less like Wei Wuxian’s banishment house and more like his safe space.

It had worked, it seemed, because after all the work was finished and the day came to an end, Wei Wuxian slept peacefully, no longer feeling like something malevolent was trying to drive him away.

It still lived there, though, that much was obvious – but Wei Wuxian decided to let it be, as long as it was not hostile. After all, it had stayed there long before Wei Wuxian did, so it felt unfair to him to have uncle Jiang drive it away, especially as he sometimes heard it cry at night, when he drifted off in the plane between dreaming and being awake. This being, whatever it was, seemed to carry great sorrow, and Wei Wuxian felt pitiful of it in a way that he could not explain – perhaps because he too could understand loneliness and grief.

And so, Wei Wuxian had grown used to the strange presence in his attic-turned-bedchamber, sharing the space with whatever lived with him with less and less fear every day. Sometimes, it would ruffle the small, white curtain that Jiang Yanli hung at his window when there was no wind, or flick through discarded pieces of talisman paper and calligraphy notes at night, almost as if assessing Wei Wuxian’s work. It was not rare to find blots of ink scattered across corners of parchment paper as if trying to copy the writing there.

Though these instances had frightened Wei Wuxian at the start, he felt nothing malicious in any of these strange gestures, not even when he began finding rocks and strange plants by his bed or on his desk that he had not put there.

He smiled, jokingly praising the entity for attempting to pay rent, and even talked to it about his day when there was nobody else to listen – because, in truth, Madam Yu’s plan had worked, the new room isolating Wei Wuxian from Jiang Cheng and many of his other comrades. The building was tucked in a far corner of the Jiang family compound, the very last structure of the lavish estate before the territory stretched into endless towns and villages, and none of Wei Wuxian’s friends lived there. Madam Yu did not allow Jiang Cheng to visit often, and Wei Wuxian could spend time with him and the others for a short while before he had to adhere to curfew – the servants locked the building early at night for fear of robbers.

And som all the companionship Wei Wuxian was left with was the strange entity in his room that he sometimes even doubted actually existed. Surely, he had seen the signs of its presence often, but in his loneliest days, he wondered whether he had not imagined the thing to exist so he would bear the loneliness easier.

He became certain of its existence one day, the very first day he had found himself the receiving end of Madam Yu’s violence and her wrathful Zidian. She had not hit him with it until then, but something he had done (it didn’t even matter what it had been, how small and insignificant) set her off to the point that she dragged him to his room in the attic and whipped him until her anger dissipated into exhaustion.

There were two things Wei Wuxian understood that day: one, that Madam Yu would always resent him; the second, that she had no qualms hurting him about it now. And where there had only been harsh words and ridiculous punishments, she now added violence to its most direct form.

It was hard to say what hurt more, the welts throbbing on his back or this knowledge.

But as soft sobs echoed through the room, the darkness morphed into something soft, almost comforting, a phantom feeling of somebody trying to soothe him. It was faint, barely there as Wei Wuxian struggled between sleep and being awake – but it made a small smile appear on his face, a confirmation that there was at least somebody (or, rather, something) that cared for him.

So, it had not been just two things that Wei Wuxian learned that day, but three – the third, that he truly was not alone.

He would come to learn the fourth thing years later – that he was loved.

--

The next time Madam Yu dragged him off for a whipping (she never did it in public places, either because she did not want others to know how cruel she was to her sect’s head disciple or just to drive it home how little she thought of Wei Wuxian, punishing him in the servants’ house he lived in), something unusual happened, so unusual it frightened the woman into forgoing the punishment.

Zidian did not sparkle to life.

Try as she might, her spiritual powers did not materialize into the purple lightning whip she wielded so fiercely, the ring useless on her hand. It was as though something was blocking it off from manifesting, something as powerful as it was angry. She felt it, a strange presence that exuded so much anger that it made the hair on the back of her head raise – and for a brief moment, she feared for her life. Defenseless against something unseen, something that so obviously wanted her dead.

(Wei Wuxian had spoken into his empty-but-not-quite room about Madam Yu and her punishments – sometimes with frustration, indignant of her unfairness, other times sorrowful, nursing wounds. And so, the entity in his room knew who she was and the kind of treatment Wei Wuxian had to endure, growing resentful of her and protective of him.)

Madam Yu could feel it, the danger of the entity haunting the attic, and she realized she did not want to risk its wrathfaster than she had the time to wonder what it even was or why Wei Wuxian did not seem scared. So, she stormed out of the room, muttering curses, nervously fiddling with her unresponsive spiritual weapon.

In the attic, the atmosphere remained tense – not with fear, but with a strange sort of uncertainty. Wei Wuxian looked over the room, trying to spot any signs of the entity’s presence, and found the lid to the maintenance hole askew, as if the thing had burrowed there in shame after standing up to Madam Yu.

“Did you do that?” Wei Wuxian asked softly, crouching over the side of the dark hole, “Were you the one that stopped Madam Yu from whipping me?”

There was no answer, but Wei Wuxian couldn’t help a small, grateful smile from curling on his lips, speaking a soft, quiet “thank you” into the darkness of the hole as he fixed the lid over it with gentle hands. If the thing had revealed itself, Wei Wuxian thought, he would have hugged it.

--

Madam Yu attempted to punish him a second time after that incident, intent on using the discipline whip on him for some other minor slight she thought monumental. Wei Wuxian had grown used to her inclinations and did not bother to argue or defend himself, not only because he knew it useless, but also because he had his own pride as a man that didn’t allow him to grovel at her feet anymore.

He had grown tired of trying to do that anyway, after so many years and countless failed attempts to invoke her kindness.

Though Wei Wuxian knew that the scars of the discipline whip would never fade and he would bear the mark of Madam Yu’s cruelty for life, he did not find it in himself to be afraid, even knowing the searing pain that would follow. His expression gave away a quiet, tired resignation, as if what would be happening to him was the natural progression of Madam Yu’s hatred of him.

However, just as unexpected as last time, the pain never came, the skin on Wei Wuxian’s back unmarred despite Madam Yu’s attempts. But, unlike that time, it was not just a presence she could feel – rather, as her hand rose, building momentum for the strike, the lid covering the maintenance hole nearly flew off its hinges, a dark smoke rushing out of it and into the room, enveloping Madam Yu’s hand in translucent wisps. Though they appeared light and soft as feathers, she felt them as though lead had encased her bones, a painful, crushing pressure causing her fingers to uncoil from the discipline whip, the item falling helplessly from her hand.

She tried to scream, but no sound came out, and her struggling had not yielded fruit – but as amazed as Wei Wuxian was to finally lay eyes onto the entity that he had shared the past ten years with as a roommate, it became apparent to him that it was intending to kill Madam Yu, dark wisps curled around her neck like hungry vipers.

Terror could be read in her eyes, wide and tearful as air slowly became more and more of a luxury that the wrathful spirit would not allow her – and Wei Wuxian had to save her, despite her abuse and her violent nature, despite knowing that, on a karmic level, she deserved to die this way.

So, with a slight tremor to his hand, he reached for one of the wisps that curled onto the floor, ready to strike Madam Yu alongside the others, gently touching the formless creature as if to pet it. It startled, frozen in place, all the other wisps around Madam Yu stilling, as if shocked by the sudden contact – none as shocked as Madam Yu herself.

“You…are you doing this?!” She asked, anger sparking in her eyes among all the fear. “You monst-“

One of the wisps curled around her mouth, leaving her lips sealed.

Wei Wuxian felt immensely grateful for that, though he never said it. Instead, he leaned down and caressed the now rigid wisp of smoke, speaking to it softly: “That’s enough… you’ve done enough, let her go now…”

It shivered against his fingers, in protest, a low, gravely voice replying, in broken words, “…hurt…Wei Ying…”

“I’m not hurt, though.” He continued, reassuringly, patting the end of the wisp as if it was an unruly child.

“…protect…Wei Ying…”

“You’ve protected me, haven’t you? I’m not hurt at all. So, you’ve done what you said, you can let her go.”

The wisp curled around his hand, both protective and possessive. “Mine…”

Wei Wuxian startled at that, not knowing what to make of it or how to reply to that declaration, the intensity of it echoing into some untapped part of his heart. Had the creature become attached to him throughout the years? Had it mistakenly thought Wei Wuxian as some kind of…partner?

What would that mean for him now?

“Let her go, please. I don’t want her to die.” He decided to say, ignoring the entity’s previous statement.

It shivered around Wei Wuxian’s hand, unhappy to listen to him, but it yielded nevertheless, dropping Madam Yu to the floor. She had long become unconscious, with the fear and the lack of proper air, her arm bruised where the entity attacked her first.

“You didn’t need to do that.” He chided the creature, “How will I explain this away now?”

It coiled tighter around Wei Wuxian’s wrist, as the gravely voice from before replied in his ears. “…protect…”

The tiniest of smiles appeared on his lips, “I know. Thank you for that. But now I’m going to be in even more trouble…”

“…she will not speak…” the voice echoed into his head again. “…do not worry…”

And as unlikely as that seemed to him, Wei Wuxian believed it. Perhaps whatever this thing was, whatever it thought Wei Wuxian was to him, it really did only ever want to help him and it would protect him, no matter what. In fact, if he were to consider it, this creature had been his only friend in many senses of the word, and he had spoken to it more openly than he had to anyone.

Would it have been so unusual for it to have developed a sense of attachment to him? If Wei Wuxian were a ghost trapped in some kind of hole in a house, would he not also grow fond of the person that acknowledged him and treated him kindly?

“What is your name?”

The creature slithered up to him, formless and dark, coiling around his limbs like bracelets.

“…Lan…Lan Zhan…”

“Lan Zhan.” He repeated the name, the syllables soft on his tongue. “You’re living in that hole over there, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

Wei Wuxian huffs a surprisingly fond breath, “So then, all this time, it’s been you I’ve shared this room with…” He mindlessly pats at the wisps around his wrists as he speaks, “why are you here of all places, hm?”

The voice replies in his ears, “Home…”

Wei Wuxian’s gaze softened. “This was your home?”

The voice grew quieter, almost sorrowful, as it replied, “No… looking for home.”

“You found your home here then?” He asks again, soothing over the creature’s limbs. “Just like I did?”

“Yes.”

There was a pause, the creature curling tighter around Wei Wuxian, seeking comfort. He continued caressing it, the formless smoke taking the vague shape of hands. “Why were you wandering, Lan Zhan?”

It did not reply for a long time and Wei Wuxian did not speak again until it did, its voice soft, almost vulnerable. “Lost…”

“You lost your home?”

The vaguely shaped hands squeezed tighter at Wei Wuxian’s fingers and he knew that had been the case. He did not want to ask for details, because he could tell it made the creature sorrowful to speak of it, so he muttered, gently, “You have a home now.”

“…You…” the voice echoed in his mind, and Wei Wuxian could not find it in himself to be afraid this time, strangely comforted with the creature’s presence and its words. It was not unexpected or unusual – this spirit clung onto him after it lost its home and found this attic to dwell in, with a companion to boot. Wei Wuxian had unknowingly become its family, just as it had become his.

[trainsinanime]

Your favorite fanfic writer doesn't know (but would like to)

Let's talk about comments on fanfics. This is not meant as a guide or call to action, just a bit of observations. Personally, I always saw it as impolite to ask for reviews or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs or whatever. That's not a rational point of view, it just reflects how I am. And people actually telling others that they have to leave any of this feedback? I've blocked folks over that. In my mind that's not okay. I'm not announcing a change of that, this is not a policy, just some deep-seated mental issues, but I want to write down some more things that have been going through my mind, from the perspective of someone who occasionally writes fanfics. My previous suggestion in this regard was mostly to write some fanfic yourself and see what happens and what you'd like to happen, because it's genuinely fun and I think you probably have more to say than you realise.

But there's also another point here, and that is that your favourite fanfic writer has no idea that they are. If you're anything like me, then it will seem like the great writers in your fandom are obvious. Also, the last time you bought Blåhajs, it ended with you having to flee a smoke-filled subway tunnel. The great stories and great writers in your universe are facts of nature. You read a story and you think, "this is the greatest thing I've ever seen." A story rewires your brain chemistry forever. You keep coming back and reading that one fic whenever the mood hits you. It feels obvious that this story is great. How could it not be?

It feels trite to say that the author of that fic doesn't know that unless you tell them, but it's hard to really understand the feeling unless you've been there yourself. You write a story, but is it any good? Maybe you get a lot of kudos, or maybe very little, but what does either of that mean? Kudos can mean literally anything from "loved this" to "didn't close the tab in disgust". Maybe you just got unlucky. Maybe you just got lucky. What do these numbers mean? What is a good number of kudos? 1? 10? 100? 1000? Should I calculate ratios? How do I know whether people like this?

In light of this, a comment where someone just said, "I loved this", has an almost incalculable worth. A comment where someone says they read this over and over again, or quotes lines they loved, or something? You can't imagine how valuable that is. A while ago someone told me "a couple of us are talking about this on Discord, we love it and we keep repeating our favorite lines". I thanked them, but I was too polite to say, "really? What are they saying? Which are your favorite lines? How many people are there who love it? What are their names? Which lines are the favorite ones, please, tell me!". Part of me still regrets that, because I so desperately want to know! I don't think it was a public Discord and I never heard from the others on it, but just the idea that they're out there and they like my story was so powerful. (By the way, it's not on any account that's linked from here, please don't try to find that comment.)

Now, I firmly believe that you, as a reader, don't have to care about any of that. I know there are people who disagree with me on this point, very strongly in fact, but I don't think it's necessarily your job to care. It's great if you do, and I think a lot of you do in fact care, that's why I'm writing this. But if you haven't thought about that or don't feel comfortable leaving comments or whatever, that's fine, that's normal, and you are in fact part of the majority. Any well-adjusted fic author has found ways to deal with this. They have learned to love writing for its own sake, or they love re-reading their own fics, or they have a couple of trusted friends who like their work, or ideally all three. Personally I was scared of Discord for the longest time, but it really helps with that. One person who you sort of know going "hey that's neat" can outweigh just about anything else. (Still, there will be days when you post something and you won't get a response and that just plain sucks, no two ways about it.)

But if you do care, if you think it's important that a fanfic writer knows what they mean to you, not because of any concern about the wider unpaid fan creator economy but just because of the way their work affected you, then this is important. Your favorite fanfic writer probably doesn't know and/or believe that they're anyone's favorite, and even if they do, a reminder or learning that someone knew found them will make them incredibly happy. And obviously, all of that applies at least just as much to all the beginners with potential that are out there. So if you're wondering whether it's worth it leaving a comment that says how much you enjoyed something: It probably is. And if you shared this with others and they loved it, or if this is your favourite fic, or if you enjoy how original it is, or how well it does your favourite tropes, or anything like that, the writer is going to be so happy to hear that.

A final aside: This obviously applies even more when it's about fandoms, pairings, subject matter and in particular ratings that are considered a bit embarrassing. Writers who write stuff that, say, happens to be E-rated for whatever reason, doesn't matter, will probably get fewer kudos and comments just because people are embarrassed to have their names show up in the Kudos and Comment sections. If that's you, just a note that it is perfectly okay to comment anonymously, or to create a second separate account for leaving kudos on, commenting on and maybe even posting the somewhat more risqué stuff. Now I'm not saying I have one of these second accounts, at least I'm not saying that in public, but it is an option worth considering.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kicking someone from my server and not explaining why?

(emojis so I can find later: 🪨🪨🪨)

[This happened a few years ago, but I’ll write the ages as they were at the time.]

I (14M) made a server for a fandom I was in. It was a small fandom (I was mutuals with every single fan on tumblr) so I thought it’d be nice to have a place we can all talk other than the tumblr dashboard. This was also not my first server — I had 2 or 3 years of experience running them (having run a server with 100ish members a year or two beforehand) so I was fully confident in my ability to run a server with less than 20 people, especially since everyone knew each other and was friends already.

Now, there was this person in the server, we’ll call her B (16F). I wasn’t super close with her, but ofc I was friends with her through the fandom. We didn’t talk much — the only time I can recall us speaking outside of discord was to send fandom art requests to each other. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with her coming in, but as she spoke more in my server, I started to question whether she was somebody I wanted hanging around.

I won’t go into full depth of things she said or did (both for privacy’s sake and to keep things brief), but I’ll explain my biggest reasons for kicking her.

First, she vented a lot, which typically I wouldn’t judge, but I really didn’t want a fandom server associated with so much negativity — and not only that, but the way she vented was very… I mean, we would be telling her things she did wrong in general channels, and then she would go to the vent channel and say things like “I’m sorry I’m so stupid and such a bad person I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.” and then we’d (well, everybody else — I don’t play these games with people) all have to console her. Not only that, but she’d vent about shit like — “I’m such a bad person because I’m cis. I’m sorry for being cis.” In a server full of trans people.

Second was her ableism towards autistic people, in a server also full of autistic people (This is honestly the biggest thing I had against her). Since most of us were autistic, we headcanoned most (if not all) of the characters in the series as autistic, usually with little basis in canon. One person specifically said “I think X character is autistic” and most people agreed, until she came along and said “No, they’re too normal.” We were all kind of like “???” until somebody said “Autistic people are normal” and she said “No, they’re all learning disabled” and some other stuff I don’t remember off the top of my head. (Obviously nothing wrong with having learning disabilities and many autistic people do have them etc, it’s just the way she went about saying what she said — and also disagreeing with a harmless headcanon because a character was too “normal” to be autistic). Again, most of us are autistic and were offended by what she said.

These were the two biggest contributors as to why I kicked her from my server — there were more (usually smaller) things she did that made people uncomfortable or pissed me off, but again, I’m not going to mention everything.

So, I silently kicked her, not wanting to cause too much drama, but also fed up with her behavior. I think I also softblocked her on tumblr, not wanting us to be mutuals or friends anymore but also not seeing a block as necessary (I didn’t mind if she saw my fandom posts in the tag, for example). However, she ended up following me back and sent me an ask asking why she was kicked from the server. I believe I told her “I don’t owe you an explanation, I just didn’t want you there anymore”. I didn’t want to say “you did this, this, and this” and just have her say “I didn’t do that/That wasn’t a big deal” and turn it into an entire argument, you know? I also just didn’t want to talk to her at all. So after answering, I softblocked her again and she sent me a long rant calling me a bitch, to which I simply hardblocked her.

I’m pretty sure I was justified in kicking her from my server, but I’m not sure if I’m justified in not telling her why — I understand being confused and demanding an answer but I also know she’d been told off multiple times — and I still don’t think she’s owed a response. Maybe if we were closer friends, I would have explained why. But I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[mused-like-roses]

~ 1,000 followers ~

// Due to the length, it'll be under a read-more

I remember starting my RPing journey back in... 2014-2015 on this little place called Miiverse. It was the most inconvenient place to start RPing, but we all had to start somewhere. and boy did I had to start somewhere; I didn't know much on the whole RPing shtick, using mostly the script style of RPing (e.g. Ruby: dialogue *actions*), threads didn't go anywhere much, and Miiverse had the problem of rarely having RPers thanks to it's "30 posts a day" limit. I hung around for almost a good year I believe until it was time for Miiverse to slowly die out and close it's door.

It was around it's dying years I stumbled further into the internet's other corners. Places like Deviantart and whatnot... and then there was this little place called Tumblr. My curiosity piqued due to knowing a really really REALLY old mutual back on Miiverse and to an extent Deviantart. My start was awfully ROUGH. I didn't know anything about Tumblr and how it rolled; icons, PFPs, writing, etc. I didn't even start RPing until like... around 2016-2017 maybe? It was slightly better than MV, but it was still a bumpy ride. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun learning the ropes.

My start in the platform was rough to say the least; icons weren't used all that much, I didn't really get all semi-lit - literate like I am today, hell I didn't know jack about trimming my posts! but it didn't stop me from trucking on. I slowly but surely learned the ropes, made a small group of friends, met my first love slowly turned toxic bitch of an ex-GF on here, it was going slow but smoothly. Then around the '17 - '18 period, I started fresh with all the experience in hand. Said years rolled around and I slowly transitioned over to Discord as well, making another slew of friends over there as well.

And that was when things kicked off; I was RPing like it was a casual past time of mine, made many of friends, many of foes, but most importantly I was having fun. And then 2022 came around... my self-promo came to be, and I locked in to take my hobby more serious. Now look at how it started vs. how it's going: I started out knowing nothing about RPing, I ended with years of experience under my belt and many mutuals, and with many mutuals eventually came 1,000 followers. I never thought I'd get this far into my life, let alone the RPC, but here we are. And it wouldn't have been possible without some close mutuals I know and like to give a shout-out to:

@astral-multiverse ~ I'm getting the elephant out of the room with the one I've been by their side the most since day one. What started with small interactions here and there slowly turned into full blown long-term RPs broken up by smaller RPs. We made so many ships with your OC (whom I'll say it before and say it again, is one of my faves in the RPC), and OOC you're a blessed bean that I can go to anytime for anything be it nerding out for venting. Thank you so much for being by my side 'til death does us apart, and here's to many more RPs.

@the-expatriate ~ Much like Astral above, we had tiny interactions here and there. But good gracious you are one of the most blessed muns I've had the pleasures of interacting with. Your OC is AMAZING, we were like twins nerding out about music and similar tastes in games/shows, but most importantly you knew me so well with my Autism and was always there to speak to me when needed. I gotta give you the same amount of thanks for being around this long, couldn't have done it without you.

@grayfxce ~ You are literally the SMG4 of the RPC. What started out as a silly concept of roleplaying as the titular anon soon turned into something huge; you fleshed Gray out into an OC that would fit in any place, anywhere. And boy did we nerd out about similar tastes and shitposted like there was no tomorrow! You're one of the many whose company I've enjoyed greatly, and I hope to RP with you again.

@historias-multorum ~ One of my more recent mutuals I had stumbled across after being followed by them... I made the best call I could ever make when I followed back and started interacting. Your portrayals are spot-on, and you're so understanding and to the point in and out of RPing. And shipping with you is always a treat, especially Sasuten! Thank you for being by my side, I greatly appreciate RPing and speaking with you and hope to continue this train.

@musecheerios ~ Also another recent mutual I've began to interact with, and also another call that I've made that was worth it. Our interactions have been amazing so far, both IC and OOC. You're the literal definition of "Soft Baby Hell" and will not take shit with anyone, something I can appreciate in a mun. Talking with you has been amazing, and I hope to interact more with you!

Honorable mentions for muns I've interacted with and/or yearn to interact with more: @on-dragons-wings, @divinityunleashed, @chronicparagon, @whiskeysmulti, @reddawnmultimuse, @dragvnsovl, @mz-pixie (also an old mutual of mine!), @hxroic-wxlls-rxborn, @samayo-tamashi, @wildxcardrebel, @flamesignite

Thank you all so much for being stuck with this anxiety-induce otaku of a mun, and here's to many more with you guys.

~ May your heart be your guiding key ~

[howlingday]

Honestly I'm tired of reading fanfictions where Blake is show to be a shallow hypocrite and a coward. "She ran away from her friends!" Yeah because her best friend got her arm cut off by her psycho stalker and wanted to protect everyone. "She is rich princess lying about the her struggles!" She went to rallies she left home for 4 years trying to help. She fought people on her own for the cause.

I know I said I never seen the show but I hate when people put down Blake like that. Is she perfect? No she has flaws but even in funny stories when cranked their not funny their mean.

As somewhat valid as these arguments are, these comments are kind of... narrow-minded. At least from my perspective.

Blake was our connection to how the Faunus operate in the world of Remnant, including the members of the White Fang. She works herself ragged when she learns they're in Vale, and any other instance is her trying to get them to stop because, let's face it, being violent terrorists does more harm than good.

"Oh, but Blake abandoned her team~!" ACTUALLY, she ran away to keep the White Fang from attacking her friends more than they already were. She believes the White Fang attacked Beacon because she was there. Was she self-centered for thinking that? Look at Adam and tell me she wasn't justified.

"She was living like a princess in the biggest house on the island~!" ACTUALLY, Ghira is a chieftain, likely an elected position that he took on as one of the founding members of the original White Fang. What he does now is keep Faunus from joining the White Fang and causing harm to Menagerie. Blake left to join the White Fang because she thought Adam was right, then left for Beacon because he was SUPER wrong AND she probably was like anyone else who left for what they thought was right and didn't want to come home to a potentially toxic, "I TOLD YOU SO". Would her parents do that? I want to say no, but we don't have any evidence to prove or disprove this. Also, Kali is best mom, fight me.

I won't say Blake is flawless, because she isn't. She's got a martyr complex and risks her life on the most menial subjects to make up for the sins of her past as a member of the White Fang. And it's when the New Fang is made with her Dad as the leader, it's all because Blake stepped away from amongst the roaring crowd of violent terrorists and said, "Not like this."

Compared to Sun, who is a Faunus "scoundrel" who does what he wants, Blake seems like a stiff who only cares about what the White Fang are doing. Compared to Ilia, who is a Faunus who lived in Atlas as a human and suffered as her parents died in a mining accident, Blake comes off as a whiny, shallow princess who doesn't understand the real struggles of the Faunus around her. Neither of these takes are true, though because Blake cares about what the White Fang are doing because she doesn't want what she's seen them do to happen to her friends, and because she's seen all sides of the issue, she cares about the plights of every Faunus suffering regardless of their status. Ilia and Sun are her friends, and she would do just about anything to help them, and she did.

Believe me, as a guy who constantly sees Blake hate in the discord group chat, I understand where you're coming from, being sick of seeing so much animosity built over a character, who, in all honesty, doesn't deserve it.

So, yeah. That's my ramble about RWBY's Blake Belladonna. Thanks for skimming over it.

"BUMBLEBY-"

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

hi!!!! kicks my feet id like to see ur wiwi first death thoughts pls

- @suckinitup

MY BELOVED MUTUAL SUCKINITUP HOW ARE YOU. HEAD IN HANDS. I LOVE WILLIAM WISP. FUCK. i think abt him constantly but i almost never write down my thoughts because if i think abt him for too long i make myself sick. like fr. i love him too much. ouuguhghhg going to just straight copy paste this under a cut because it is SO LONG sorry for any typos or sentences that sound weird out of context bc these were originally discord messages:

ohhhhhhh wiwi first death. god . i have so many fucking emotions about wiwi first death. before i get into this im going to say fork found in kitchen to myself because so much of how i view wiwi comes from a VERY SPECIFIC type of dp fanon that it would take me 12 years to actually explain in detail so im gonna say just trust me and understand that william wisp is literally just a fuckign. walmart rebrand of a type of danny characterization i really wish people would just oc-ify (thank you charlie slimecicle for doing this for me)

okayyyyyy okay okay okay. i love there being like. a STARK fucking difference between william before the fall and william after the fall. william before the fall was so much... brighter. in every sense of the word. he looks ALIVE because he is! hes just a . regular fuckign 16 yr old boy. that weird kid in your math class. and yeah he has . suuuuper undiagnosed untreated depression but like its a small rural town thats normal i think. hes got his little group of friends to spend hours with going on cool hikes and reading about the paranormal at the library and sitting in circles talking about conspiracy theories and things. i think UPP is. awesome. i hesitate to get too attached to them in headcanon world just because i dont want bizly to then introduce us to them in s3 and i have to reframe my whole mindset . whatever. i have vague ideas of who they are but the important bit is like. i just think theyre really good friends. and they spend a lot of time together. and william is kind of their defacto leader because... he is the only one of them who actually has truesight. they all believe in ghosts and monsters and stuff but william is the only one who can actually SEE THEM. like. constantly. and thats a lot. and even though they believe him they dont really like.... understand. which kind of makes william feel disconnected from basically everyone around him at all times. i dont think truesight is probably a well-known thing?? so when he was little and started crying to his parents about monsters they thought he just had bad night terrors and then he just................. hes 16 now and still talks about it (less so now, hes learned the horrors of middle- and hihg-school Shame and not to be Super Weird All The Time) so its more like. hmm theres something Wrong here but we dont know what and we dont know how to help. other people (you included ros) have said this better than me but goddddd you knowww the dynamic btwn william and his parents is rough. they love him! so much! and they want to support him! and william loves them too! but they dont GET IT they dont UNDERSTAND and its like. you know what i mean. when you get a mental health diagnosis and suddently everyone is treating you like youre made of glass and nobody really knows what to say around you anymore or whatever. you know what i mean. that.

ANYWAY ALL THIS IS FUCKING. PREAMBLE. GOD. the fall. man. i think there is a STRICT UPP rule of "dont go into the whispering woods alone" and thats the case for the ENTIRETY of their friendship. DONT go into the woods alone. william knows exactly what kind of shit lives in the woods and he knows hes the only one that can reliably see them and he doesnt want anyone to get hurt. MINIMUM of two members for whispering woods investigations. (this is not a town rule or anything. i think the adults of deadwood are aware that its a weird place but it all gets brushed off like . aha everywhere has quirks! and the UPP are like. the conspiracy kids that know the Real Stuff going on. very..... house of anubis is the closest Real Media vibe i can think of rn. UPP pre-fall is like the closest u will get to . scooby doo style monster of the week shenanigans that arent really super serious because theyre safe as they can be about it! bunch of kids doing a ouija board. you know how it is)

uhhhhhhh and then william starts acting weird! i think all of them are on a whispering woods investigation together and theyre all walking together and then william starts lagging behind, staring out at something none of them can see, kind of like. zoned out. tranfixed. and when theyre like "will what do you see?" he shakes his head and snaps out of it like. huh? what? nothing lets keep walking. (it was a wisp btw. obviously) and there are a couple more incidents of him doing this same thing on that one hike until eventually they decide to call it because theyre not finding anything else and tbh william youre kind of freaking us out here. will you be okay? and hes like yeah of course i will guys its nothing i swear. and then they all go home.

and thennnn without telling anyone a couple days later, william goes on a walk in the woods alone. he broke his OWN rule . on that hike he saw wisps and they were just too far away to see clearly off in the distance between the trees but he just Kept Seeing Them and the curiosity was just nagging and nagging away in his brain so much he had to know what they were (thats wisp magic babyyyy you know the mythology around them i dont need to explain that to you) . (and also there is a fair amount of. lack of self preservation because of the previously mentioned untreated unmanaged depression but if i start talking about that in detail i will overshare and also be soooooo emo forreal. know that that is an EXTREMELY important part of this decision but im also going with a little more of the teen mystery angle with this rn. bloody gory mental illness is for after he falls) so he packed his monster investigation backpack and he just. left. didnt even tell his parents he was going he just walked out of the house after school and went into the woods. and he saw the wisps again, but now that he was alone they were Closer and Brighter and they would move whenever he got close and then there was a trail of them ! like they were Leading him somewhere

and i think with some of the monsters he sees he can feel whetehr or not theyre out to hurt him . and the wisps dont feel like that. they feel... well. cold,becaue theyre ghosts, but also warm at the same time? inviting. they dont want to hurt him (they do) they just want to show him something and william "too curious for his own good" wisp wants to know what that thing is! i think he knows the woods really really well because he spends a lot of time out there. so somewhere far away in the back of his mind he kind of knows what theyre leading him toward. but he still jsut Has To Know, so he keeps jogging, keeps hopping over fallen logs and around low branches and theres always a little blue flame juuuuust out of reach so he keeps going . and then he gets to the cliff. its like a full on. burst out of the trees there is a wisp juuuust on the edge where the ground falls away. i think he trips on a root and falls flat on his stomach before he can completely just run off. it gives him a second to catch his breath, to look out and See where he is. for things to kind of come crashing down on him. if he hadnt tripped he wouldve run right off the edge and fallen and it was close enough of a near death experience for it to scare him. but the wisp is still there, and its the biggest brightest one hes seen yet and if he looks around he would see it looks like the entire forest behind him is glowing with tiny blue fires like theyre all watching him. i dont think hes really. thinking coherent thoughts at this point he just kind of. realizes now that hes out here he doesnt really want to go home. he doesnt want to go back to school, doesnt want to eat lunch in the bathroom and think about his brothers empty bedroom across the hall and have his parents look at him with such a weird mix of love and awkward pity and he knows his friends say they believe him but he can see it in their eyes sometimes that the things he says scares them and he really just has been a freak his whole life.... and he realizes as hes thinking all of this he's gotten to his feet and walked toward the wisp on the edge of the cliff. and hes just standing there feet on the very edge staring at it. its floated away now, hanging over the drop at eye level with him but its probably still close enough he could just... reach out.... and try to grab it...... and his feet slip on the rocks and JUST as he closes his hand around the wisp it almost feels like something pushes him (probably just the wind.. right?) and he falls.

he does Not remember hitting the bottom thank god. he remembers falling, and falling, and in the fall he realized he was still holding the wisp he grabbed in his hand and so he pulled it close to his chest as he fell and it almost felt like it was burning him but it was *cold* and .. then he woke up! he woke up in a misty foggy field in what looked to be the middle of the night but if he looks at the sky too long it looks *weird* its just black and empty and there are weird bluish swirls in it that could be clouds but look different, and there are trees in the distance but whenever he tries to walk toward them it feels like theyre moving the same distance away so it never really feels like hes getting anywhere.. and he trips over what he thinks is a rock and lands in the foggy grass and looks behind him and realizes *oh my god thats a gravestone-* and then he wakes up again, for real this time !!! (<< that scene is like. thats His Island. thats his lair or whatever. remember when mal first took him to the spirit world and they were in the graveyard and mal told him that was his. im going with dp style spirit world lairs and this one is williams. hear me out)

aaand. when he wakes up for real. he is at. the bottom of the cliff. EVERYTHING hurts. everything hurts so fucking badly but also everything is like... weirdly numb? and he doesnt really remember that weird dream with the fog and the trees and the grave its all kind of fading as he wakes up more and more and ... his hands are empty hes not holding the wisp anymore. he doesnt know how much time has passed. was any of that even real or did he just have some kind of nervous breakdown and jump off a fuckign cliff? i think he fucking sits there and cries about it for a loooooong time. and everythihng hurts but its gonna start getting dark soon he NEEDS to go home before it gets dark, his parents will start to worry about him and he doesnt want to do that to them. also he might need to get to a hospital or something but hey! he can move! he can stand up and walk! so he must not have any broken bones or anything he just. is bruised and sore probably. and so he. sooooo slowly. so slowly. makes his way back up the cliff (theres. a path. he doesnt have to climb i promise) and back home. alone. no wisps or anything, just william alone with his thoughts. which is . goddd its bad. thats why it takes him so long. ohhh my god what am i even gonna fucking say when i get there. hi mom and dad sorry i needed to clear my head and follow some weird ghosts and in the process i tried to kill myself and it didnt work? fuck?

so by the time he gets home... huh. the door is locked thats weird. its not fully dark yet and his parents know he stays out late with his friends a lot of the time so they usually leave the door unlocked for him. so he knocks. and his mom answers the door and takes one look at him and just fucking breaks down into tears. and so his dad comes in from around the corner to see whats going on and he starts crying too. and william is so. freaked out by this. guys whats wrong what happened. turns out he has been missing for. two weeks. nobody knew where he was or what happened and the woods are alive and weird and anyone who went out in a search part just ended up getting lost themselves and came back like an hour later with nothing. they thought he was dead. (which. i mean. he was. but like. not in the way they thought). so theres this big huge emotional family group hug or whatever with william all dirty with leaves and twigs in his hair and torn clothes and mud on his hands and feet and his mom and dad are just like oh thank god youre alive thank god youre home what happened to you and... man. euguhhhhahghhhh. emo. sorry. god. head in hands .

i thiiink. he kind of ends up telling them what happened. he leaves out the wisps though. his watered down version is.. i just needed to clear my head, i went out into the woods, i got lost, i tripped and fell. (remember how william downplays it for dakota when he asks. i tripped and fell) he doesnt tell them about the wisps but like. that almost makes it worse becuase they KNOW about his bad mental health even if they dont fully understand it and.... this version makes it sound suspiciously way more like it was just a direct suicide attempt. which. william IMMEDIATELY regrets as soon as it leaves his mouth. but thats his story now. so everything kind of... goes back to normal? normal ish??? as nrmal as they can i fucking guess?? for a couple days and he has to go back to school and. god it fucking sucks. gossip . you know how it is. hey that kid tried to kill himself and got lost in the woods for two weeks what a weirdo he freaks everyone out . that kind of stuff. so hes more isolated than EVER and even his friends wont really talk to him although theyre more... sad. than anything else. they just dont really know what to say. theyre teenagers. idk. uhhhhhh then one day he reallyreallly REALLY doesnt want to be somewhere so he hides in the bathroom and.. doesnt realize it at first but he goes invisible. and its not until a couple other kids come in and leave and dont acknowledge him at all that he notices something is weird (he feels bone chillignly cold but like. its a shitty old school building in the very beginnings of winter of course its gonna be cold) and he looks in the mirror and realizes he cant see himself. and after that more and more of his powers kind of. slowly manifest? and he is VERY bad at controlling them and he plans not to tell anyone at first (hes already enough of a freak) until one day his dad finds him like. halfway through the floor in his bedroom and its this . kind of funny ridicuous but also really scary moment. and william has a realization at some point like. oh. i think i *died*. and auughhghg. i think thats all i ahve for now. but . man. when i tell you i think about this soo fucking much man.

[shey-pancake]

Hello, I'm back.

I never expected to come back to tumblr for this reason, but it has been brought to my attention that certain people are making claims and theories about the quinn doc and I already had a problem with someone who joined my discord server only to harass me about it, when I told them multiple times to stop doing that.

I cannot force people to believe what it's true, everyone has different views and perspectives on the document, I can respect that, I cannot stop you, believe what you want, you want to stay in the SaD fandom and separate the art/believe is false? do it, you wanna leave because it makes you uncomfortable? do it, you wanna remain neutral? okay, but please for the love of god-

STOP. HARASSING. MY. SOCIAL. ACCOUNTS.

For example, this acc that was shared with me via DM, was dedicated to try to investigate further about the quinn doc and about quinn on the internet etc etc, that's fine, you do what you do, but try to take PERSONAL stuff about me that has nothing to do with the quinn doc, it's completely disrespectful. I kindly remind people that all I've been involved with in this document is to help on it and SHARE IT. Nothing else. I don't have anything to do with this, nothing, all I did was to be shared with the info, be asked for help with the doc, and share it because I had a larger amount of followers so I would spread more awareness, but if you are mad about it, you wanna argue or something I'm sorry but I'm not the person for you to do that towards.

All I was asked for was to help and share, what you believe, make theories about it, assumptions, claims etc it's up to you, I don't care because I already did what I was asked to do, and if not further info was shared is because I didn't get permission to share them, period, you have to learn to respect others boundaries.

Now, on another topic, there has been rumors about me following or supporting "AnonymousDeliah" which is completely fake, these are false claims.

first:

This person is following me but not the other way arround.

They tried to get in contact with me, I tried to respectfully tell them to not get me involved in this since all I was asked to do with the other doc is to help in it and share it, with the proper evidence and stuff.

They were continously trying many times to push me or pressure me subtly to share the doc they recently did, or the twitter threads they did, despite looking suspiciously and almost completely fake, long time ago I was shared with a Quinn's art archive drive, and I noticed where the parts they edited came from since that drive had almost every single art quinn had, except for the ones that no one knew about (the doc).

Even after told them to stop trying to get me to get involved in this once more, they kept insisting me, and I was considering even block them after asking me so many times despite telling them to not.

Here are the screenshots of when we last talked, it has been months this person has trying to pressure me into looking into their completely not fake case + share it and help them.

And yeah, I don't care what the ppl were making up for why I deactivated, I had a very shitty week for completely personal and different reasons so i wanted to stay out of there for a few hours, as i said, keep your make ups, theories, assumptions etc. to YOU.

Last I will say is that I will probably will be back to share my art here but if people start to harass me here I will leave and this time I won't come back, that's it, see ya later guys, and take care of yourselfes.

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

[sweetfoxmojis]

I’m sad that I have to make this post, but it must be done.

My ex girlfriend is trying to “expose” me for “stalking her tumbler” which I wasn’t doing, but I don’t want people to blindly follow her think I’m a bad person when I haven’t done anything wrong so I put my Rant in a video :3

All the proof of everything is provided in the video.

You can find my bf’s Twitter post from old accusations and debunking here

to Finn: plz leave me alone respectfully, I do not want anymore drama with you and would just like to move on from all this, thank you and have a nice day

Edit:

So I got some concerns about the debunking and the video so I will be addressing them in this edit, first

“Why did you censor the part where she said she blocked you?”

To be completely honest I have no idea, at the time of making this video I was going to block out all the stuff I Screenshoted if it want relevant to what I was ranting about but I ended up taking a different approach to that and I just didn’t rescreenshot that picture which is bad on my part I will admit seeing as a lot of people took that ss out of context,, that is a mistake I will not be making again, even if so the part that was blurs said that Finnley had my account blocked which is true but as a stated in the video i saw her post through a reblog on an account I follow that is all that there is to it.

2. “Why were you viewing her accounts in the first place?”

Well a friend had came to me a while back telling me that she had made a bunch of posts about me trying to get me cancelled or to “get me exposed” and I being me was going to use that information if true to defend myself, I did find out that it was not true at the time I had checked and when I found out she didn’t actually spread anything about me at the time I moved on and forgot about it.

3. “Why was the screenshot of your rant you made blurred out?”

I had made this rant at the time before knowing finnleys had a new name, so i had used there now dead name at the time of making that rant, now at the time of making this response video I had learned that their name was now finnley and not that name so I had kept it blurred for their comfort as I don’t believe they would want people spreading around their old dead name, as to why it’s blurred discord wise, I blur their name because they are my ex and I do it for my own comfort.

in general I hope this clears up confusion because I’m tired of all this drama and negativity coming towards me + everyone being confused about certain aspects of the response, have a nice day and thank you!!

[anonymousegeek]

so uhh... (apology info)

TL;DR: I was being a dick on twitter, the allegations on both the BBU devs and Blackgryph0n were false, and I sincerely apologize for my actions and I will better myself as a person here on out. (please read. or don't, i can't tell you what to do.)

HI! :D if you don't know, some false rumors were spread on twitter about the Billie Bust Up devs and the VA for Barnaby recently. Now, beforehand, I did not know this. This drama lead me into a sour streak where I would admittedly harass people and just say nasty things about the wonderful people behind this game. :(

I will say this now; WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. Instead of being patient, waiting for both sides to come out to listen to both sides, or even asking for updates on the drama, I lashed out on others, said nasty things, and this lead me in a wrong path of taking a break/cooling down before properly apologizing. I should have apologized first before taking the break, honestly. I DO NOT CONDONE MY ACTIONS, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS PEOPLE WHO ARE IN A CONTROVERSY/DRAMA AND WAIT TO HEAR BOTH SIDES BEFORE FORMING YOUR OPINION.

To the lovely devs at Billie Bust Up;

I apologize for calling you guys all those awful things and harassing your fans. I was heated in the moment of the drama which was on my part. I won't blame my mental health or mental illness for my behavior, since this was a failure to have critical, logical thinking on my part. I understand if you guys won't forgive me, and that is okay. I understand that feeling. I wish the best for you, and when your game comes out for Xbox, I will purchase a copy of the game to support your guys wonderful and creative endeavors of diversity. /gen /srs

To BlackGryph0n himself;

I apologize for not hearing your side of the story when it came out. I had only heard of your side a few days ago (I wanna say 2 or 3 days) and I feel really bad for harassing your fans as well. I had believed the false rumors, and I am the one at fault. I had lacked patience or critical thinking at the time and I was in the wrong for doing that. I hope the best for your career, your mental health, and you and your wife.

To the people I had harassed and to the rest of the Billie Bust Up Comunity;

I sincerely apologize for what I had said. It was a dick move of me to say the things I had said, since it was impulsive and rude of me to do so. This controversy, and my reaction to it, had left a stain on the community, and I wish to clean up that stain. I will take time to learn to grow and improve so that this community may be a more welcoming place, to fans new and old, and to the wonderful people behind the game.

if you wish to contact me further, you can either DM me here, on twitter @/anonymousegeek, or contact me on discord (anonymousegeekakabatty)

[dysfunctional-doodle]

YPI PROJECT BEAT MY ASS AND I’M SUPER TIRED BUT THE TOO MANY TURTLES COMMENTARY GRIND NEVER STOPS ‼️‼️💯💯💯

betrayal…. (playing uno is 100% more worth your time than patrol, can confirm, best game ever, played a game with 20 people in a german exchange (but it was kinda quick since we only had one pack of cards and. well. 20 people))

HELL YEAH, WE’RE MAKING PROGRESS!!!!! (i have a feeling this might get a bit angsty…)

😭😭😭😭 (speech to text is really annoying i get the struggle)

y’know, of all the turtles to slander clothes, i didn’t think it’d be him

god noooo the feels 😭😭 (i never quite experienced the bad-teacher side of the neurodivergent experience (my physics teacher was crazy supportive despite the fact i never scored higher than a 40% in his class) but i would get a loooottttt of shit from classmates,,,,,,, sucks ass i feel for mm mikey)

gotta keep expanding your horizons!

ok but. of all the turtles………

love it when this happens

taking action! (also hold on 2012 mikey is an adult in his timeline???)

sighhhh i hope tech stays with the mikeys forever because their dynamiccccc 😭😭😭

not sure if i’m ready for the angst that is most likely coming our way. BUT i’m excited for it

Happy you liked my insane rambles again!

Referring to what you said about teachers, I have personally had some struggle throughout school with the way they teach things which I kind of use to write the issue mm mikey is having, very loosely. Though I don’t have a neurodivergency diagnosed (though a lot of people have kind of told me that I most definitely probably have big ADD or something similar rattling in the old noggin so idk) I learn much differently to what schools want. I am a very hands on learner, and really struggle with visual/auditory classes. It’s like being told how to write a good story but not actually doing it - I just tune out, or it is difficult to get it to “click” unless I explain it to myself in a weird way that actually makes much more sense to me. Once this “click” happens it’s great, I have no issues, but I have a lot of questions and thoughts that others don’t get prior to this point that I’ve unfortunately been disregarded for, as my teacher just didn’t want to explain and deemed me as stupid and needing extra classes because I didn’t learn in the same way. Not to brag but I’m pretty intelligent without even studying so this was a slap in the face for me.

So yeah, I kinda based at least some elements on this experience, though obviously a lot is also made up/fictionalised.

Wow that was a ramble

Anyway, you also mentioned Mikey’s age? I don’t think I’ve ever properly written down the ages outside of a discord I am in that talks about this fic, oops. In short, the timelines are not linear, but rather dotted around the place. A breakdown:

1987 are the ones where I’m not 100% sure on what to age them as, but I imagine around 17 - 19, all the same age

Rise boys are about 6 months - a year after the events of the movie

2012 are about 20 - 22, a few years after their final series (with Mikey being an extra 2 years ahead due to Dimension X)

2007 are what I believe are their cannon ages at 21? Takes place a few months after their 2007 movie (I also consider the 90s movies to be from the same universe due to the details present in 2007)

2003 are a few years after the crossover movie, making them the oldest at around 25 (Mikey being 24 due to him being a few months or so younger when they were sold)

Mutant mayhem boys are literally a couple of weeks after their movie

Bayverse boys are a year after their second movie

Hopefully that clears things up a little :)