#would do well to remember how to properly interact with people on the internet

[cdroloisms]

.

[ohbueckers]

TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME. you dope, have a player ‘bout to choke, i was at a loss for words first time that we spoke.

CHAPTER ONE! pairing, paige bueckers x teammate!oc. notes, new ju series just dropped who clapped… i’m so excited for this so please let me know what you think and what you wanna see!!! it’ll feature a few different tropes (these bitches are complicated as hell) and i’ll be using different songs. this was also supposed to be out yesterday whoops. warnings, not much just some slight rivalry.

april, 2022

paige sat on the floor, her back pressed against azzi’s bed, eyes staring blankly at her phone screen. the dorm was packed to the brim, all of her teammates crammed into the room, waiting for the news to drop. she wasn’t sure why her palms felt clammy, or why her heart was hammering harder than it should be for a thursday night in late april… or she was completely sure and refused to come to terms with it.

we’re really doing this again, huh?

it had been weeks since the national championship loss, and yet the sting still hadn’t faded. south carolina. dawn staley’s generational ran gamecocks who got almost everything, including that damn sana caruso.

for years, their careers had paralleled each other, both rising basketball stars, always in the spotlight, always part of the same conversations. and yet, for reasons paige couldn’t quite figure out for the life of her, they had never crossed paths. sana was stubborn, that much she knew. paige remembered the day south carolina landed her—it had been all anyone could talk about. opinions flew in every direction: sana should’ve gone to stanford, to ucla, anywhere but there. paige couldn’t lie—part of her had wondered why uconn hadn’t even been in the mix, but it was now, and the blonde felt like she was reliving that evening in 2019 all over again.

wherever she ended up, it would be some news that would flip the script. impact their season, because sana was undoubtedly everywhere. the defensive mastermind, the one who didn’t care if she was 5’10 going up against post players towering over her. she locked them down, put up numbers, and somehow always found her way into the conversation, even when paige tried not to pay attention.

they were talked about like rivals, the head of every one of their matchups, but there had never been any real competition, at least not on the court. paige couldn’t remember a time they’d even properly interacted. but despite how much they were constantly compared, sana had made it painfully clear that paige might as well not exist in her world, and it was infuriating as hell.

“you think she’s really coming?” azzi asked, her voice soft and almost like she didn’t believe it herself as she cut through paige’s thoughts. no one did.

aaliyah, sprawled out on the floor, rolled her eyes. it’d been pushing 10 o’clock, and almost everyone had class in the morning. what had that been stopping, though? absolutely nothing. “if dorka doesn’t hurry up with the article, we’ll never know.”

“hey, be patient.” dorka threw her hand up, shooting her teammates some tight-lipped grin as she furiously scrolled through her phone. “they’re slow with these drops.”

“thats that uconn wifi,” aubrey mumbled, sending everyone into different variations of a laugh.

nika snorted. “nah, she’s right. it’s either that or we’ve got like, fifty million people trying to figure out where sana’s going.”

“bro, you know espn’s probably crashed by now,” aaliyah chipped in, leaning back on her elbows.

paige didn’t know why, but it bugged her that sana had never really acknowledged her—like, at all. not a comment, not a follow, not even a glance her way during games. paige wasn’t used to that. she wasn’t used to being ignored, and their minimal interactions only made the internet have more of a field day with that non-existent rivalry, and if sana weren’t to say anything, why would paige?

and now here they were, possibly about to be on the same team. paige had no clue how that was going to play out, but the thought of it made her stomach flip. it was like some cosmic joke.

“yo, i’m serious though,” aaliyah said, slowly rising from her spot on the floor. “how wild is this? if she really comes here, we’re stacked. that chip is ours this year.”

the blonde suddenly felt defensive. they didn’t need sana caruso to get that chip for them. “she’s not coming here,” paige blurted, half to herself, shaking her head. “no way.”

“why not?” azzi asked, narrowing her eyes. “i mean, all signs point here, right? unless i’m crazy.”

“yeah, but it’s sana,” paige replied as if it were the most obvious thing, running a hand through her hair. “she does what she wants, she’s the type to pick somewhere else just ‘cause everyone thinks she’s coming here.”

“you sound so stupid! and in denial,” nika snickered, throwing herself back into the couch. “just admit you want her on the team, paige.”

paige shot her a look, but couldn’t quite hide the smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. “i don’t care what she does.” she pointed at her chest, sinking further into her spot. “she could go anywhere.”

“sure,” dorka added, inserting herself into the conversation. her eyes didn’t leave her screen as she continued to refresh her browser, almost like she didn’t have to. “because that’s exactly why you’ve been all up in your head about her this whole time.”

“hey, wait. don’t do that.” but it was too late, her teammates had already been throwing out their ‘ooh’s,’ like this were some kindergarten class. but the truth was, she couldn’t deny it. there was something about sana that had her all twisted up, more than she cared to admit. maybe it was the way she carried herself, like she didn’t need anyone’s approval, or the fact that she always seemed to be a step ahead. and it didn’t help that she was ridiculously pretty. like, stupidly pretty. the kind of pretty that got under paige’s skin and made her feel something, even when she tried to act like it was no big deal.

maybe that was what really irked her all these years.

“nah, for real, though,” paige said, trying to keep her cool, “she’s different. she’ll probably pull some wild move and end up at notre dame or something.”

“notre dame?” azzi shot her a confused look. “you’re reaching now.”

“i’m just saying!” paige replied through a laugh, although it was mainly just a gesture to defend herself. shrugging and throwing her hands up in surrender. “she doesn’t follow the crowd. everyone thinks she’s coming here because it makes sense, but you know sana—”

“you don’t know sana,” aubrey cut in with a laugh. “that’s the problem.”

“you sound really passionate about this, paige,” nika laughed out, always the one getting the biggest kick out of things like this. she was always in the mood to tease her twin.

paige opened her mouth to argue, but she stopped short, because aubrey wasn’t exactly wrong. she didn’t know sana, at least not personally. she’d known this version she made up of her in her head, the one that frustrated her to no end, the one she couldn’t ever figure out. and while she did that, sana, with her perfectly highlighted curls that framed her perfect face that always held that stupid fucking smirk probably hadn’t even thought twice about paige bueckers once in her damn life.

“you’ve definitely thought about this way too much,” azzi said, chuckling herself. “like, more than any of us.”

paige threw her head back, groaning. “why is this about me all of a sudden?”

“‘cause you’re acting like she’s been living in your head rent-free for years,” nika teased again, her next laugh coming out in a sputter. this entire thing had clearly been amusing someone.

“yeah, okay, whatever,” paige mumbled, crossing her arms.

“hey, don’t worry,” dorka said, eyes glued to her phone as she moved her hand to rest on paige’s thigh comfortably, consolingly. “you’ll have plenty of time to figure out what’s going on in that head of hers.”

paige raised a brow, lifting her head and turning to the other blonde. “what do you mean?”

dorka’s grin widened as she looked up, everyone’s attention turning back to her. “because she’s coming here. she’s ours, guys!”

for a second, the room went dead silent, the words hanging in the air like they needed time to settle in.

then, chaos.

sana caruso is a uconn husky, meaning paige bueckers could finally figure out what made the girl tick.

july, 2022

the gym was full—more than usual. everyone was there for the first day of summer workouts, even the players sitting out due to injuries. there was the familiar sound of sneakers squeaking against the hardwood floor, and the faint trace of cleaning solution still lingering from the early morning scrubs. july in storrs was hot, too. the kind of heat that clung to your skin and didn’t let go, even inside the gym.

the team was standing around near the sidelines, waiting to start. geno had the new recruits huddled, running through some preseason talk, but all paige could think about was sana—standing a few feet away. they’d obviously been in the same room before, the same gym before, but today felt all too intimate. as it should, though. they were teammates now. hell, they’d be sharing the backcourt.

this would be the first time she’d see her up close—really up close—since everything went down. the transfer news, the headlines, the pics of sana decked out in uconn gear flooding her feed (a sight paige needed to mentally prepare for because damn, did she look good in white and navy blue). it had all felt surreal then, but now, it was about to be real real.

what’s she even thinking right now? paige wondered, feeling a slight pinch of annoyance. because as much as she wanted to believe this was just another day in the gym, it wasn’t. not for her.

when handshakes started, paige couldn’t even hear her own thoughts due to the loudness as everyone went through the routine of greeting the new faces. paige made her way through her teammates, exchanging quick daps and nods, her focus drifting back to sana more times than she’d like to admit.

the blonde was normally more noisy, doing everything in her power to get on with the people she’d be spending the season with. but right now, her interaction with sana would either confirm or deny every assumption she’s ever had, and that was quite frankly the only thing consuming her mind.

she could feel the intensity in her chest when it came time to shake sana’s hand. she stepped forward, hand extended, ready to make some kind of connection, but sana barely looked at her. it was quick, almost dismissive. no eye contact, no words exchanged. paige pulled her hand back, clenching her jaw as she watched her move into conversation with azzi, who seemed to earn a more genuine response than paige could get. a smile, and a giggle that could’ve been mistaken for music.

seriously?

the team broke off, moving toward the court. this’ll be a long practice.

they lined up, and as they went through the typical routine—light shooting drills, ball-handling, footwork—it became clear that sana wasn’t just good. she was a standout. and for someone who was only 5’10 in the basketball world, she carried herself like she could take on anyone, work with anyone, too, no matter the size or position.

“she got handles,” nika muttered under her breath. the comment was meant for the girls around her to catch and respond to, but paige just stood, eye squinted and arms crossed.

“handles? she got vision too,” ice brady, a freshman added, eyes wide as sana weaved through a defense drill, her speed and precision on full display. her ponytail swung perfectly on her head, lip tugged tightly between her teeth as she moved to make a layup. the ball went in, and ayanna moved to grab her rebound. the group cheered her on voluntarily, and paige only moved to turn her head as sana jogged past her to the back of the line, her demeanor as calm and collected as ever. and damn annoying.

the players gathered at the top of the key, forming a loose circle as they got ready to start a more structured scrimmage. paige found herself standing across from sana, their eyes meeting for the first time that morning, but the moment left as quick as it started. sana had her hands on her hips, listening intently to geno as if she didn’t already know what they’d be doing, because the blonde wasn’t supposed to have caught her looking.

“let’s run it!” geno’s voice snapped through the gym again, clapping his hands once, and the team split into two sides as directed, ready to play.

as the scrimmage began, paige tried to shake off the weird tension and focus, although it wasn’t really working. nothing had ever managed to get her off-game this bad. it was the escape, after all, so why did it feel like it would be causing her more problems now? she ran the court as a point guard, eyes scanning for plays, calling out switches, directing traffic. but every time the ball moved to sana, paige noticed the same thing—she’d find a way to dish it to someone else. anyone but her.

what the hell?

on a fast break, paige found herself wide open again, just outside the three-point line. she threw her hands up, calling for the pass. sana had the ball at the top of the key, and paige practically begged for some type of acknowledgment that she didn’t get. but instead of passing, sana faked it and lobbed it to aaliyah under the basket for an easy layup. paige didn’t even move. she just stood there, hands still raised, eyes burning into her ponytail.

“alright, switch it up!” geno called, and the team rotated.

the ball was in her hands now, and she dribbled down the court, eyes searching for a play, trying to shake off the irritation in her chest. the worst part was that no one seemed to notice, because sana had a way of singling the blonde out in a way that made her think she was fucking crazy. she passed to nika, and they rotated again, the pace of the scrimmage picking up.

it finally came to a head when they were working on a transition drill. paige had the ball, racing down the court, and sana was on the wing. paige pushed the tempo, looking for an outlet, but sana cut her off at the last second, forcing her to pull up and reset the play.

that was it. paige lost it.

“yo! if we’re gonna work the backcourt together, you’ve gotta work with me,” she snapped, her voice only turning a few rather concerned heads. she stopped dribbling, staring at sana, her breath coming out in heavy bursts.

sana finally turned to face her, full body and everything, their eyes locking for what felt like the first time all day.

she wasn’t angry, wasn’t startled by paige’s tone. she was calm like she always was, and the slight tilt of her head only pissed paige off more. she was looking right at her now, really looking, and all the playful cockiness that always held some undercurrent, yet always came so naturally to paige, was just gone.

damn.

she didn’t know why she was still standing there, seething, waiting for sana to say something after her outburst. and when she finally spoke, it wasn’t the apology or acknowledgment paige might have been expecting.

“you’re pressing,” sana said, her voice maddeningly casual. like there had been no heat from the beginning. “you’re rushing everything. it’s like you’re trying to do too much.”

paige blinked, caught off guard. rushing? she almost laughed. her jaw clenched, fingers tightening around the ball. she hated how calm sana was, how she managed to deliver criticism like she was just making an observation. “too much?” she shot back, stepping closer. “i’m just trying to get us moving, trying to get you involved. but it seems like you’re more interested in doing your own thing.” she hated that every time she tried to connect with sana on the court, it felt like she was hitting a wall.

but she also hated that she cared about it so much.

sana didn’t break, expression remaining composed, annoyingly unreadable with her short manicured nails digging into her hip. “you think running the floor means you’re the only one who gets to call the shots? that’s not how i play.”

paige blinked, trying to regain her footing, mentally and physically. “you’re not even trying to work with me!” her voice raised a bit as she addressed what had been bothering her before, causing a few heads to turn. the exchange didn’t look entirely friendly after all. “every time i’m open, you’re looking the other way.” she pointed to the court.

sana’s eyes narrowed slightly, some kind of look crossing her face—was it amusement? “it’s not personal, paige. it’s basketball.” it was the first time the blonde’s name left her mouth, first time she felt like an actual person to her, and it still didn’t feel good.

sana, on the other hand, was watching her closely, reading paige’s reaction like she was still deciding how much of this back-and-forth was worth it. she knew she was poking at her ego, but she also thought that ego could use a little deflating. everyone talked about her like she was the second coming of basketball itself, and while sana could respect her talent, the way everyone hung on her every move grated on her.

sana wasn’t jealous. not even a little bit. she wasn’t wired like that. but that didn’t mean she was going to be another cog in the well-oiled bueckers machine. she never liked to make things more complicated than they needed to be, and basketball? basketball was supposed to be simple. play smart, play efficient, make the right decisions. that’s why she was here. that’s why geno recruited her. she didn’t bring flash—she brought results. she played smooth, and if she wasn’t in charge, she sure as hell wasn’t going to let anyone treat her like a sidekick. especially not paige bueckers.

she was willing to work with her, of course. sana was well aware of what her transfer meant, how good it would be for the both of them if people stopped pitting them against each other. but it didn’t mean she would warm up straight away. they’d make an unstoppable duo—if they could just figure out how to coexist.

“look, i’m just saying, you’re pushing too hard. sometimes it’s about playing smart, not playing fast.”

paige’s stomach churned at the implication. she wasn’t just some showboat out there. it felt like a direct shot to everything she stood for.

“you think i’m not playing smart?”

sana raised an eyebrow, her lips curling just slightly. “i think you’re playing like you’ve got something to prove.”

and that stopped paige cold. she’d proven enough. but the way sana was looking at her, cool and detached, like she could see right through her, made her feel small despite her taller figure. it wasn’t anger that sana was giving her—it was indifference. like she didn’t even care enough to be mad.

“run it again!” geno yelled, and they did.

paige inhaled sharply, chewing on her lip as she clutched the ball to her side, watching as sana jogged off, obeying orders immediately. she could feel the eyes of her teammates on her, especially nika, who was biting back a grin from the sidelines, one hundred percent sure her best friend just got schooled. dorka raised an eyebrow at her, silently urging her to keep her cool.

they lined up for the play again, the ball bouncing back into paige’s hands. she hated it, but sana’s words echoed in her head. pressing… rushing… trying too hard. as much as she didn’t want to admit it, maybe she was pressing. maybe she was letting this whole situation get to her in ways she shouldn’t.

when the whistle blew, paige instinctively took control again, charging down the court. but she couldn’t stop herself from hesitating for just a second, looking toward sana on the wing. without overthinking it, she passed the ball to her, her hands moving almost against her will.

sana caught it, knees bent and ready before driving to the basket. she didn’t hesitate, didn’t flinch. she just played, like she always did. the ball went in, and the play was perfect, but paige didn’t feel satisfied. if anything, she felt worse. it felt like they were already at odds, and the season hadn’t even started yet.

it had worked. but it was because she’d done what sana said. and if it wasn’t personal before, it definitely was now.

[wasyago]

I would like to know what your boundaries are when it comes to interacting with you.

are you ok with requests or questions that don’t have to do with your works

are you ok with receiving headcanons that are not relevant to or may contradict with what you already have 

how many asks are you comfortable with receiving at one time.

Are there other things that you want us to know about fan interaction that I didn’t think to ask about

hmm oh man no one has really asked this before... i think as a disclaimer i need to say that im pretty bad at replying to asks, and half of them get ignored and deleted because i either forget about them and get too anxious to reply, or just don't know how to reply and never do.

i dont really do art requests, so if anyone sends one it will most likely be ignored, and if its not related to what im posting it'll be ignored 100%. there are some exceptions of it, but i still don't appreciate people asking me to draw anything for free. i suppose i don't mind questions about stuff outside of my work! no one really asks anything so i don't have a good example of it, plus it all really depends on the context, but if its good I'll reply and if its something i dont like I'll just ignore it. so, same as with everything i guess, so those are okay 👍

about headcanons hmmm... not sure? i dont know how to properly reply to them if its not something im into apart from "oh thats interesting" and "nice". like, i don't really wanna say stuff like "that cool but i personally think that you're wrong and here are the reasons--" and take someone's headcanon apart? it just feels rude? even if i do process the headcanon in my brain and there's a thought process of how it fits or doesn't fit into my beliefs, i don't really want to say it out lound to not upset anyone? but saying all this, it is still nice to see headcanons from different people and different perspectives, to have some variety of views and opinions and more diversity. because you never know what you might like. so, i think all headcanons are good, if i know how to reply to them i will, and if i don't then i won't!

how many asks am i comfortable receiving umm, well, i don't have an exact number picked hsghd. i guess as many as you want if you really have a lot to ask? i do appreciate it when people keep asks topical tho. so, if you're asking about one particular thing, it'd be nice if it was all in one ask that is easy to reply to. and if you're asking about multiple different things it's better to send multiple short asks instead of a big one. because its hard to reply to billion unrelated questions in one post. so for example your ask is good because all the questions are on the same subject, but if you asked me about the weather halfway through and then swithed to an ask about jrwi, that i wouldn't reply to, yknow?

for other things... i already said about the art requests, which are like the main thing i really don't like. i guess some things are better asked in dm's than asks, if that's anything? especially if it's something more personal to you or requires an actual dialog, but i can see why it might be easier to send an ask first and move to dm's later, so its not a problem. hmmmm and i suppose just the general stuff, like don't send suggestive asks if i don't know you or you weren't clearly prompted to, don't be mean to me or others, even as a joke it doesn't feel good, remember that im just a random guy on the internet, im not a robot i have feelings, so talk to me like a person, don't spam the same question if i didn't answer it, etc.

i think that's it? thank you for asking!!

[macfrog]

hi max!

i’m back with another “gentle reminders” ask. it goes in line with one of my personal goals this year of trying to work on my kindness and how i show that kindness to others.

the beginning of a new year is always a bit tough for many people, for many reasons but at the scale of the fandom, i have noticed some negativity starting to spread. maybe it’s bound to happen on any social media but i always considered tumblr to be different, to be over the kind of discourse you could find on other apps. this place has been a true haven for many of us and i would like to keep it that way, so i thought, as a way to counterbalance this negativity, i could compensate with a nice message for one of the driving forces in the fandom: our dear writers.

i would like to begin by saying thank you.  thank you for dedicating your time, your energy, your love and sharing pieces of yourself with us. the fandom wouldn’t be what it is without you: just like a body needs a brain or a heart to function properly, fandoms need writers like they need others contributing. thank you for offering diversity, engaging with different tropes and characters to reach as many readers as possible. i will admit, some things proposed are not my cup of tea but i know they can be enjoyed by others, the same way some of my favorite fics wouldn’t necessarily attract others. so thank you for giving a chance to everyone to find what they enjoy, to discover, to learn, to cry, to laugh, to love and to be able to do so in an open, safe space. thank you for interacting with us as well. thank you for responding to our questions, sharing snippets when we get impatient, teasing us with your new ideas and making life a little more fun and exciting every day. and of course, thank you for doing all of this for free. for expecting so little in return when you give us so much.

now a few things i want you to remember: 

although we’re all thankful for having access to your art, your first fan should be yourself. write what you enjoy, write that self-indulgent fic, write your favorite trope, an improbable duo or crossover because you’ve always wanted to. do it for yourself. in the same way, have fun with it. writing is a hobby, it’s not your job, it’s not supposed to be a chore. so do what makes you happy. don’t worry about updating fics, about being slow, about posting too much or too little. some things might take time, some might need an hour to be posted but in the end, they all matter just the same. they’re worth being read and cherished and we will appreciate them. whether you have thousands of notes or barely a few hundreds, you have your place here. you’re still an amazing writer, you’re still an artist regardless of the stats. 

whether i've had time to binge-read your stories or just discovered you. thank you. i love you. i’m grateful for you. i see and appreciate your work. your efforts. you.  i’m sorry if you’ve ever been received with negativity but i hope this can make up for some of it.  you deserve nothing but kindness and appreciation and i hope you know how much you matter here.

sending you all my love,

anna 💗

hi, anna!! oh my goodness i have read and reread this probably fifty times since you sent it, i feel all warm and mushy over it

first of all, i love that goal. the world could do with a lot more kindness, and you're so sweet for putting your energy into this. so so glad that you're here and you're spreading light 🤍

this little corner of the internet really has a lot of love to give despite the dumb stuff sometimes. i have met and fallen in love with some of the best people, right here. i'm so grateful to know such a welcoming, safe community, and i'm honored to be a little part of it.

thank you a million times over for this beautiful message. hope you're good, my friend! sending so much love straight back to you 🩷

[moonlight-thin]

I think I forget that I keep this account for two main reasons

1.) to read fanfic bc ao3 layout on a phone screen stresses me out

2.) to keep it as a diary so I can scream my dumb brain things out on the internet without fear of annoying people I know in real life.

and I really should start doing that again, I mean a throw away where one day I'll look back and go "wow I really am mentally unwell c:"

Like I remember reading back on my post about high school and how it seemed like a good idea to try to make all my sadness into like cringey sorta words and I really think that's just like, how I'd cope. I did like to think that there would be some sorta happy ending that after all that darkness that life was supposed to be sunshine and happiness and that I would get married and be happy and blah blah blah. But thats not real life. In any story, anything that's in the story, in a character background, every movement action, is done with a purpose (except u know filler episodes lol) and well life isn't like that, my actions the way I react to things the way, is based of my past experiences, my past interactions. Which I mean that is totally based off my whole own bias, but that's just what I've observed in my own life. Like story are based off of what happens in the future but the walk we experience things in real life I believe is really our past experiences.

I didn't know I was autistic, I didn't know I had ADHD, I just knew any time I told someone those feelings I had, they would look at me like I'm an alien or tell me I'm being over dramatic. And I know sometimes I say things that are probably crazy. And I used to think I was a really low support needs, but like I get overstimulated by noise super easily. Anything over 70dbs is my threshold.Meaning I have to have some sort of noise cancelling headphones, or reducers in my ears. Or in restaurants I will have a breakdown if I don't have loop in my ears or my headphones. If I'm watching a tv show or anything I prefer subtitles, I can't sit and listen to someone properly if the tv is on and the washing/dryer machine is on.

But when I really think about how I acted and am told how I acted before then. Like? Was I really functioning?

I genuinely thought I had anger issues bc I would just get so frustrated and had no idea why.

I was so anxious and insecure, trying to please everyone by not knowing who I was.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Remember that few seconds at the wedding where we saw Ronaldo showing off his shitty armour to a very confused, properly armoured Bismuth? Imagine if she was like "I can get you some real armour. No, I can show YOU how to make YOUR OWN real armour."

Ronadlo is an insecure person starving for praise and starving for meaning, it's like 80% of his character. He also tends to hog spotlight and selfishly steamroll in social interactions, *if people let him do that*. When people stand up to him, he learns to check his behaviour; Steven rarely does this because he's an accommodating person, but Bismuth wouldn't tolerate that bullshit. Imagine this kid taking Bismuth up on an offer like that, probably being really annoying for awhile when he sees how hard and time-consuming the craft is, but walking out of that forge with some training piece (like a dagger or something) and getting sincere praise and recognition from someone he respects, as well as a cool nerd thing that's actually a real artefact that he really made under the tutelage of real aliens that he can show off to people. Then coming back for more. By the time he's able to make his "actual genuine alien gem battle armour!", he'd be well on the way to developing a niche skill that's useful and practical enough for people to recognise as something to be respected, and also niche and weird enough for his cool nerd cred, as well as being able to brag on the internet about how he's apprenticed to an alien warrior. Which is basically all the incentive he'd need to stick with a craft.

Also, imagine those two getting enthusiastic about something together. They'd play off each other so well.

The only downside is that every Christmas and birthday would result in getting handmade metal trinkets from Ronaldo before he corners you and explains for three hours in exhausting detail about all the problem encountered in making such a piece and how skilled and clever he was in solving them.

This is gonna sound absurd but I genuinely think that it would have been awesome if in Steven Universe: Future they made Ronaldo into Bismuth's apprentice

[hwrryscherry]

The one where Harry and Model Y/N go undercover in the internet

characters: HARRYxMODELY/N

blurb: Harry and Model Y/N go undercover on the internet with fake accounts on TikTok and Instagram for an interview for GQ magazine on a video pre Grammys.

word count: 3.3K

HARRYxMODELY/N masterlist

author's note: HI GUYS! This is a request that I received a while ago but only finished it now because of school and all that stuff that I've told y'all a million times. Anyway, I tried my best on this request cause I think I lost my way of writing a little lol but anyway, I hope you like it and I hope that for the ones who misses Harry and Model Y/N this can be a great gift. Love y'all and thank you for the constant support and love on them💜 Stay Safe and Always remember to tpwk and that you're so golden💜💜💜

It was about 3 pm when you and Harry naturally came into the studio set on the building of GQ magazine with tender smiles on your faces covered by masks as you greeted everybody in the room in which there wasn’t many people in it. Harry was dressed in one of the many Gucci shirts he owned, with freshly washed hair that made you smell his pleasant scent from inches away just because he was wearing your favoured one and you'd always recognize it. You also detected the many rings on his fingers, including the one that you had bought for him as a 27th birthday present and by god, he was so thrilled about the ring and had a big smile on his face all day so he felt like he wanted to use it every day. Oh and how good his birthday was. You weren't able to have a party, obviously, but you still managed to celebrate somehow. In the morning, you gave him his favorite breakfast and then he, Gemma and Anne stayed on a zoom call for about an hour. You bought some yellow balloons to put in the living room just to give that birthday vibe and during the night, you had no more than four friends in your LA house, all properly protected and saved. You just ordered a few pizzas and watched some of Harry's favorite movies. It was simple but with an incredible energy, receiving a tiny group around while doing something y'all liked was everything Harry wanted most, mainly because he would have to wake up early the next day to go to the set of "Don't Worry Darling." as they were about to finish filming.

But today was another day. In earlier Febraury, the GQ magazine team reached out to your businessmen with the proposal that you and Harry would record a video together answering questions about your relationship to be published before the Grammys and after you consider whether it would be the best thing to do or not because of the many reactions you could get from it, you both agreed to do it. You’d always try to consider every little possibility when it comes to your and Harry’s relationship as the media can be very mean and disrepecftul.

Instead of Harry, you had a black miniskirt, long sleeve white blouse and a small black blazer with your Fendi plaid boots, which was Harry's personal choice for today as you’ve told him that he could chose an outfit for you to wear. You two spent a few minutes in the makeup chair doing touch-ups on your hair and makeup right before you were both ready to shoot. You walked from the makeup table to the center of the studio where you could see the crew behind the cameras and the big white background with a table and two black chairs right in the center. The table had a computer upon it only. After sitting down and having the microphones popped at you, you looked up when you heard the directors asking if you were ready and when you nod and the count is over, the camera started recording.

   ‘‘Hi, I'm Harry Styles!'’ You greeted the camera with a big smile on your face, eliciting a laugh from Harry about your unexpected "joke.". Honestly, today was a good day for both of you where you were both in an extremely good mood. Unlike the other days where you were quarantined, you were emotionally untired and in the mood to film and have a small social interaction, which is rare.

   ‘’And I'm Y/N Y/L/N!'’ Harry said joining in the joke with you and then looking at you as he waited for you to say the rest of the introductory phrase but only realizing you were smiling at the camera without saying anything.   '’Y/N!'’  Harry called calmly causing you to turn your head to face him and realize he wanted you to continue instead of continuing himself.

   '’Oh sorry, I thought you were going to continue'’    You whispered conspiratorially to him before taking a deep breath and resting your hands on the table when you returned your gaze to the camera.   ‘’And we’re gonna go undercover on the internet today!!’’

   ‘’Yeah, I'm scared!'’  Harry said when opening the laptop that was over the table and turning it on. You sat back in your chair so that you could see the laptop screen clearly and smirked a little when you heard your boyfriend's words.

   ‘’Hm... Let's do TikTok!'’   Harry said after a few seconds in silence while thinking. Harry's words made you chuckle his words because you knew that Harry doesn't comprehend anything about TikTok and didn't have an account but you both would usually find yourselves in bed watching tiktoks for hours. '’Which username should we put in?'’, Harry asked without taking his eyes off the screen.

   ‘’You should be! I’ll expose all of your deepest secrets in this video'’   You said while raising your eyebrows in a playful way eliciting a laugh from Harry, one by the way, that he tried hard to sound a little desperate for people watching  '’Alright, what should we do first?’’

   ‘’Put ‘’simp4harry’’ !"  You said with a smirk on your lips as Harry let out a nasal laugh but put that username either way.

   ‘’Okay, but how did you think of that username so fast? I think it’s very creative'’  Harry asked as he finished creating the account.

   ‘’It's the username I put on everything!'’  You answered as you ran your right hand through your hair.

   ‘’Oh yes? So is this your Only Fans username?'’  Harry mockingly asked making you laugh and take your eyes off the screen and look at his face.

   ‘’No, I don't even have an account on Only Fans, for God's sake Styles'’. You answered as mockingly as he did, '’Why? You have one?'’  You asked calmly.

   ‘’No, I'm a one-woman man!'’ Harry said to cause you to smile convincingly.

   '’Can someone get me a bottle of water, please?'’ You asked gently for the people who were on the set and smiled thanking the person who brought you.

   ‘’Thank you!'’   You answered sounding a little bit shy, even though you’re a public person and listen to compliments quite often, you still don’t know how to react to them. You took a deep breath and raised your eyebrows before using your finger to point to the laptop screen as he opened your tiktok account,  ‘’I mean, I don’t even know why I’d be one of the best ones to follow since all I post on tiktok is unnecessary and stupid things that goes through my mind during the day.’’

   ‘’So inconvenient!'’  Harry whispered playfully. You two had this habit of being sassy to each other, and everyone around you was used to it. This craze started because the first time you guys hang out together in Shanghai, you just talked like you’ve known each other for years and not just five hours.

   '’I didn't drink water today, do you want me to be thirsty? I thought you loved me!'’   You used a dramatic tone when speaking before drinking a sip of water.

   ‘’I did!'’   Harry replied in a low tone finishing logging in the TikTok feed.

   ‘’What do you mean ''you did''?'’   You answered in a loud tone holding the laugh with Harry.

   ‘’Okay, focus on TikTok! Focus on TikTok!'’  Harry said with a laugh as you now brought his attention to the screen as well,  ‘’Hm, let's look at my girl's account!'’, Harry said as he typed your tiktok username in the search bar. You took a sip of the water in the bottle and put it on the table,  ‘’AND by the way, do you guys know that this woman over here was listed by The Cut as one of the best tiktokers to follow today? And I’m so proud’’

   ‘’Well, I love how you appreciate your talents, love!'’  Harry replied sarcastically with a smirk on his lips making you chuckle. He didn't like it very much when you belittled something you did, even if it was something that was really bad, he didn't like it. Not just with you though, but with all the people in the world. Harry doesn't like it when people don't recognize their worth.

   ‘’Ok, here’s the first one! I’ll be reacting to it!'’   Harry spoke in a playful tone while clicking on the video as he knew very well it was not a react video but to answer questions. Harry clicked on the first video, this time you were propped up with your face close to the camera with folded arms dubbed to the sound that was in the background. You then take the transparent glasses pulled over the beige in a matter of color that was in front of you on the table and put them under your eyes never failing to dub the song. Then you move away from the camera and can see you are wearing leggings and a sweatshirt. And then you take your Louis Vuitton Coussin PM silver bag and place it on your shoulder before the video ends   ‘’Alright, so on this video you don’t do anything else than mimicking to the song.’’

   ‘’No, but like, seriously!'’   You complemented. '’We’ll watch some of them, and you’ll see how silly they are!

   ‘’I know that’s why I said that it stupid!'’   You exclaimed as you crossed your arms on the table. ‘’Let’s see the comments'’   You, yourself clicked on the comments area with your hand before Harry did and observed as comments poped up.

   ‘’Ok so the user @username1 asked ‘’How does it feel being the coolest person ever’’, tell me Y/N, how does it feel like?'’  Harry asked with a smirk to you as he turned his head to encounter your face with raised eyebrows.

   ‘’Oh, it feels so nice!'’ You responded in a playful tone causing both of you to laugh at your conviction, even though you knew it was a teasing tone and not narcissistic  ‘’Everybody knows I’m like, the coolest person alive so...'’  You convincingly said running your hand through a few strands of your hair and then take a deep breath and put a lock of hair behind your ear.   ‘’No, I’m just kidding. I’m not cool everyday, honestly there are days that I’m the most annoying person ever so I definetely have my good and bad days.’’

   ‘’Oh and those annoying moments'’   Harry said in an ironic tone, letting out a dramatic sigh causing you to frown and slightly open your mouth as an offense while holding your laughter as you exclaimed a loud '' excuse me?’‘ as an answer. Harry returned his attention to the comments on the screen again and frowned and brought his face slightly closer to the screen to read   ‘’Okay so @username2 asked ‘’new trend: are you engaged?’’. No guys are not. We’ve never been engaged.’’

   ‘’I feel like we’ve been engaged since 2017!'’   You said sarcastically remembering all the rumors about engagement, babies and dating. Since the first time you has met there were rumors, thousands of them, all the time but you and Harry chose not to comment on them as it would just be a big waste of time.

   ‘’Exactly and we weren’t even dating in 2017!'’  Harry complemented by looking away from the camera at his nodded face. '’But anyway...’’   Harry said taking a deep breath  '’I love how random your tiktok actually is!’’

"I know! I am planning a whole video to film on Grammys day because I'm in love with my outfit and i’m so excited for it!" You said changing the subject but being excited about the idea. After the announcement of nominations and with all the excitement you felt for Harry, you agreed you would attend the Grammys together; it was something important because not only was he running for three awards but also because you never attended any events side by side, except at the 2019 Met Gala. Then the pressures would increase but Harry knew it would be so much easier if he had you there with him. Because whether or not he took the awards home, he knew you were there and he would be grateful for at least being nominated for sure.

"Wait, which outfit did you pick? " Harry asked as he left the tiktok site on the laptop and entered Instagram. Harry selected searched for the hashtag of both of your names as a ship name on the explorer, so it would be easier to find what both of you wanted. "You showed me three different outfits but didn’t told me which one you chose!"

"Oh, I choose the black Prada one!"  You answered calmly. Harry stopped using the laptop and turned his head quickly to face his face causing you to look surprised and confused at him due to your reaction. It was his favorite outfit from the three that you had shown to him. "What?I wanna look great before you win your first award and I start ugly crying."

"Oh my god, you’re probably more excited than me." Harry said turning his attention back to the laptop screen.

"Of course I am, I cannot wait to walk around telling people that my boyfriend is not only a three times grammy nominated but a grammy winner!" You answered as you grabbed the water bottle that you had previously asked and drinking a sip.

"Anyway, let’s see!" Harry said as he started searching through the hashtag posts, also drawing his attention to the same screen. You then see a post that catches your eye and points it so that Harry can click. The post was a picture of Harry on the Met Gala carpet with ‘’Harry pierced his own ear for the Met Gala with a needle’’ written on it. "Ok, that’s true! But, now ask me why I had to pierce my own ear?!"  He asked ironically, as if he were playing a trick on you, because he knew very well you had a mini argument that day since you refused to pierce his ear with the fricking needle.

"I told you I wouldn’t do it! Do you even have any idea of how dangerous that was?"  You replied right after rolling your eyes, but your tone of voice remained calm and you didn't get heated when you spoke. "You know you need to sterilize, right? And what if you had caught an infection? Do you really think I was going to do that? You're an adult. I can't stop you, but I wasn't going to pierce your ear."

"Hey, hey, hey!" He said causing you to stop talking and look at him. Harry raised his eyebrows and looked at you with a smirk before speaking. "The thing is: I really wanted to pierce my ear, and we wear finishing getting ready in New York. I asked Y/N if she had a needle. Neither her and Alessandro wanted to do it. Literally no one wanted to do it but I was very much decided so I did it myself and my ear is completely fine by the way" Harry said the last part making you roll your eyes again while looking at the camera and take a deep breath.

"Anyway..." You said as you dived back into the posts. In one of them you read someone saying in a comment that you and Harry would probably never fight. "Here, this one says ‘’I feel like they’re the type of couple that never fights and when they do, the fight lasts for 30 seconds’’".

"Absolutely untrue!" Harry said almost that immidiately while you nodded agreeing with him.

"Guys, every couple in the world argues. It’s natural, it’s not because we don’t have big arguments and talk shit about each other on the internet that we don’t have conflicts or understatement" You explained. You and Harry are really compatible, but you still have your moments and it’s important to recognize it. No relationship is perfect and disagreeing on things is absolutely understandable.

"Yeah, specially ‘cause we’re different people that come from different places and had different experiences. As long as the disagreements are not causing you serious mental and emotional harm is normal" Harry complemented your thought. It’s important to notice when a relationship is not making you feel good anymore. If your unhappy for any reason is important to leave and to search for help if needed. "See, if you could change anything in our relationship, what would it be?" Harry asked making you pay attention to his words and face as you thought attentively in silence for a few seconds.

"I think I would probably change the fact that we’re usually really far away from each other!" You said calmly while looking at him. "Like, you’re always travelling and so I am, so I feel like it can get hard sometimes because of that and I’d definitely would change that if I could do it without like, changing our whole careers and lives."

"Yeah, I’d probably change that as well!" Harry agreed nodding to you as he was thinking as well. "I’m very grateful for quarantine on that point because we could spend more time together without being so long apart from each other. Of course I wish it was on different situations but I’m grateful for that" Harry said and you could understand that completely. You and Harry had been dating since 2018 and had spend months apart from each other and only you both truly knew how hard it could get sometimes, specially when you had the whole world to judge both of you.

"I fully understand it! Sometimes I think about everyone who spent this past year alone, and I’m really grateful for having you with me...LIke, you’re my best friend, you know this" You said looking at Harry’s face. He had a growing tender smile on his face that was starting to make you nervous and emotional on the same time as you remembered the past year. You felt your eyes getting wet and let out a chuckle looking away from his gaze. "I’m getting emotional! It’s all about my cancer rising today!"

"Oh sure, it’s always zodiac’s fault!" Harry said laughing and then looking at the screen and the crew on the backstage while gesturing with his hands. "That’s probably one thing about Y/N that you guys don’t know. She fully believes on zodiac signs and those stuffs. Actually, there was one time when she told me that we couldn’t be together because our signs were incompatible."

"Okay but like, Harry is an Aquarius and I’m a Taurus. We are incompatible when it comes to zodiac signs!" You said between giggles as you tried justifying your point even though Harry knew you were joking when you said that to him. He didn’t know at the time though he was very much surprised and scared when you said it.

"But anyway, I’m glad that we spend this time together. It’s been weird and funny at the same time like the spaghetti day!" Harry said holding his giggles as he watched your eyes widen because you knew exactly what he was talking about.

"NO, we're not talking about this!" You talked fastly while laughing at the same time as Harry as you both remembered that one night in quarantine when a spaghetti night went completely wrong and he came on the kitchen to see you and a kitchen with spaghetti and tomato sauce all over the floor and the walls and how you cried to convince him to clean the whole kitchen alone and failed. "Ok, let's finish the video here before things are leaked!" You said giggling.

"Alright, this was very nice. Thank you GQ for having us and I hope we weren't the worst guests you've ever had!" Harry said joking even though you both knew that it was quite hard to be very open in the media specially about your relationship but you tried your hardest.

"Don't forget to watch Harry peform on Grammys on sunday!" You said.

[reimeichan]

Hi. Sorry if any of these are insensitive questions. I have just been finding out about did/osdd and well... I'm not sure if I have it or not. As far as I know, the brain can only think of one thing at a time, it can just flick between things really quickly. So... do alters have to talk literally over the top of each other? Is that even possible? And how can you tell who's speaking? Is it still an osdd experience if you can't tell if they are saying it or your thinking it? How do you know if you are having a conversation or if your just imagining having a conversation? I know this is long. Sorry. I see things that say, "if it's someone else talking, you won't know what they are saying until they finish their thought". But what if you can tell before they finish it. I have asd and adhd, so I have trouble putting thoughts into words. I don't know if that would change anything. I'm super confused so if you have an answer I would appreciate some help.

If you believe you may have OSDDID and seek diagnosis, remember that I'm only a random person on the internet and I cannot diagnose you, not least because I don't actually have the credentials for it. I can only talk about my own experiences as being part of a system and hope my anecdotal responses may help point you in the right direction. Again, though, I am only speaking from my own experiences. OSDDID is a very varied diagnosis where different people's internal experiences will differ widely from each other.

Additionally, remember that OSDDID is not just about the alters. It's about the dissociation, the depersonalization and derealization, the time loss, the forgetfulness, the black-outs and gray-outs, the identity confusion, the contradicting yourself from one moment to the next, the feeling of watching yourself do things and wondering why you're doing that. If you're unsure about your experiences with the presence of alters or parts, which can be one of the more subjective parts of the OSDDID experience, then consider the other aspects of the disorder and see if you experience any of those.

With that out of the way, I've put my responses to your questions in a read me below. I have a tendency to get wordy with my explanations. And if anyone wants to add on anything for anon, please feel free.

1. I am not well-versed in the study of neurology and psychology and do not currently have time to research if "the brain can only think one thing at a time" is true or not. I can, however, talk about what it feels like for us through our experiences. For us, oftentimes we may have things like overlapping emotional responses or memories or processing thoughts that can happen at the same time as our truly "conscious" thought. This is often how we experience passive influence. Other times, we may have full conversations/dialogue in our head which is more akin to thoughts flickering back and fourth quickly, but feels more like someone's train of thought being temporarily interrupted by a second, different train of thought being brought to the forefront. Our multiple trains of thoughts kinda feel akin to being a computer with multiple tabs or windows open with music/sound playing from several of them at the same time, but there's only one active window that you can interact with. (this is a fairly crude comparison and breaks down if you look into it too hard, but again, that's more or less how we experience our thoughts).

2. Yes, it's possible for alters to speak over each other. It feels like different things depending on the context; it could be internal shouting if they feel like people can't hear them properly in the headspace, it could feel like shoving another thought aside to bring their thoughts to the forefront, it could be physically speaking out loud so that the others can't ignore you if you're conscious (or typing stuff out, basically bringing thoughts out into the physical space).

3. We actually don't usually tell who's speaking within the headspace. It's sometimes obvious; certain alters may use certain words/phrases, have certain energy levels, a unique "internal voice" (if you read books with a lot of dialogue and each speaker has a different voice in your head, that's kinda what it sounds like), etc. that makes it easier to figure out who's who, but for the most part we don't try to figure out which thought comes from which specific alter. We used to! We realized it was too draining for us to actually keep track of that and in normal day-to-day life took up too much time and energy when we could instead just, have an internal discussion and let whoever's fronting figure out what they want to do. If we need to have a conversation between specific alters, usually we try to visualize a space in our inner world and see each other in order to have that conversation, but sometimes we just trust that the other alter we're talking to is who they say they are.

4. (and 5.) We can't tell you if something is an "osdd experience" or not, as everyone's experiences with this disorder is different. We often doubt if the other "voice" we're talking to is truly another alter or just a figment of our imagination/talking to "myself". For us, it's both imagining a conversation (because it's all internal anyways, that's basically a form of imagination) and actually having a conversation. I may be able to guess what the other person's gonna say, like you may be able to guess your best friend's responses or how your parents may react when you're talking to them, but I'm not consciously making those thoughts for the other alter. And sometimes our dissociative barriers are lower so we can actually feel what the other alter is thinking before they fully "say" it out loud.

[the-orbz]

“Orbz how in god’s name would I narrate that.” Illusionist watches Orbz attempt to use a reality orb to escape the question, and watches him realize that the destination is not open, and Illusionist is not opening DCL.

“Did you say ‘God's name’? You are god- I do not know, you can figure out how.” He knows he can warp to another place, but he keeps trying to go there.

“Orbz you need one of the two ends to be open and I am not letting you go risk copyright.”  Illusionist stares him down and watches him try to go again and again, with no success.

“Hey I looked and I can go there under fanfiction story telling.” He browses the law books, glad he can access an internet source of humans.

“tdyuihjnkgvihbj YOU WANT TO CLASSIFY AN ACTUAL ADVENTURE YOU DO AS FANFICTION?” Illusionist knows well how that works and how it excludes the story from being in the main function.

“It is all the same to readers, it will still be on the social media page.” He opens up the social media and blocks several bots. “As if we even have readers, no followers but these bots.”

“I guess, but what about when you bring those animals here?” Illusionist leans towards accepting it, spinning around in thought with a thinking face, including the hand on his chin. He remembers how They would be in elaborate positions and stands instead.

“They’ll be named.” Orbz looks at the document and ponders what he will name them, if they will like it here, and if he can even properly care for them.

“Okay but how do they get described to the reader?” He pauses and remembers the corrupted files of Unit`1, how they interacted with someone, someone who is gone for now and maybe forever. That someone was a case of this, such little sight now seen.

“I don’t know, good luck though.” He takes a moment and stops trying to use the orb; he breathes in and focuses, looking ahead. Nothing to fear with ultimate protection and power, yet still with a fear of the people. With him collecting himself, he activates the orb and jumps to a nearby reality, on his way to the destination.

Welcome to things I love seeing on our note document.

C o p y r i g h t l a w s.

Do not worry, we still have a plan.

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l

before anything else there are a few disclaimers i'd like to make:

i am writing this analysis right now because as a non exo stan i'm not into chanbaek that much anymore. of course i like them to some degree since i'm writing this and all but it's nothing in comparison to the way i felt about them two years ago. so i feel like it's easier to keep a less clouded (?) state of mind being where i'm at right now, mentally, in regards to them. i feel like i can look at things more objectively, which is why i decided to write this and share it with you all.

for all the smart asses out there, this is a ship analysis. yes, i’m reading too much into everything. that’s what an analysis is.

all translation credits goes to @/fyeah-chanyeol

i'm a chanyeol stan. this analysis will, most likely, have more information about him in comparison to baekhyun. this is simply because i consumed more content about him since he's my bias (such as magazine interviews, fancams).

i don't stan exo anymore, but it's not because of anything they did. i liked them for a long time and made a lot of different friends because of this fandom, therefore i experienced a lot of hurt, scandals, fights and didn't deal very well with many things, so i decided to leave. this didn't happen because of exo themselves and neither did it happen because of the fandom itself. it happened because of the relationships i had.

that being said, i haven't been following them closely for the past year and a half, but i still keep up with stuff a bit, although not chanbaek related stuff since i gotta dive in kinda deeper for that lmao. so this analysis is mostly in depth for 2012-2018. if anything that you perceive as significant happened after 2018 i'm more than willing to hear your opinions about it.

so, let's get started!!

MAMA ERA

I have always felt like Chanyeol and Baekhyun's relationship was strange. I started shipping them when they debuted and more specifically because of the 130128 ISAC. When I was younger I didn't see a lot to discuss in their ISAC interactions besides it being cute and shippy, but I've started to look at it differently now.

I think everyone knows how ISAC is known for being basically a stage for fanservice. The whole "dating ground for idols" issue aside, judging from the amount of attention they direct towards the fans who manage to attend the event, idols are clearly instructed to perform fanservice. EXO's first ISAC had to be full of it, obviously, and they did give fans a lot to be happy about, content we still get giddy about to this day, and I'm sure they were instructed to act like this to please us. I don't believe that fanservice equals "false interactions": if two individuals are talking, touching each other, they are interacting, even if it is a carefully planned setting made specifically for pleasing fans. They still get reactions out of one another through these interactions, it is still relevant to the way these people's relationship will develop; even though these acts are done with the intent of pleasing a crowd.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't think the 2013 ISAC fanservice changed anything in Chanbaek's relationship. In fact, I just want to use it as a way to illustrate something I will explain later on.

To be remembered in an industry you must have an image. You won't be getting anywhere without a carefully constructed visual image. Marilyn Monroe is always used as an example of this: she's someone you can easily make a costume of and people will instantly recognize it as her. She's basically a concept by now: blonde hair, red lips and white hair. These aspects take our mind back to her instantly. Of course, most celebrities don't achieve this type of icon status, but it is still important to cling to a specific concept/image of what you want your celebrity self to be perceived as. Without this, you'll be forgotten as soon as your career ends.

When Chanyeol debuted, he clung to the first trait they gave him: being a happy person, a.k.a "happy virus". If you were not an EXO fan back in 2013 then it's likely you're not even aware of this nickname that was given to him, but it's basically just what it sounds like (lol). He was bright, energetic, had a "teeth rich" smile (another nickname that was given to him back then), was able to give 10/10 laughter reactions to MCs and to his members jokes, was always enthusiastic to interact and smile towards fans. He even introduced himself as "happy virus Chanyeol" in interviews (and later on that changed to "EXO's voice Chanyeol" or "EXO's rapper Chanyeol").

I feel like Chanyeol was very much aware of this "must have" that I mentioned, this need to have an image pasted into yourself and have that image be what people will remember you as. We're all complex and multifaceted individuals, but the general public needs something simple to grab on to, something easy to remember. That happy guy from EXO? I know who he is! I'm sure this is the path Chanyeol chose, back when he debuted: to pick a trait given to you by the public and make it a huge part of your image.

However, that image of him didn't last very long. It certainly became tiring to worry so much about how he was being perceived, to carefully construct something so his career would last, specially when his group had so many scandals and went through a sudden burst of popularity that changed their lives completely. By 2017, Chanyeol already had a change of mind in relation to his career, these changes being mostly due to how he felt about music and what he wanted to do with it.

He recognized himself as having always being impatient, which might be the reason why he clung to a specific image so fast right after debuting:

From Fall Magazine in 2017

"At the moment I just want to enjoy myself with the music as it comes, without feeling as though I have to do something. It isn’t a greed from impatience, I could call it more of a greed to do better."

"When I first debuted I thought I was very optimistic, but as time has passed I think a more reserved side of me is showing."

"I think I've grown in many ways. Maybe it’s because it’s as though I perform everyday, but the stage has become comfortable for me. Shall we say I’ve become more calm and composed? [...] I think I’ve become more mature."

He matured. He's still bright and energetic but he's also more reserved. He managed to keep up the fanservice that his fans adore in a way that is more fitting to his actual personality. It still is an image, but an image that's not as exhausting as his previous one, with its strict demands to act in a certain way all the time. I remember specific interview with MCs demanding him to smile (although jokingly, of course) saying things like "Aren't you EXO's happy virus?", so I'm sure he felt pressured.

This is interesting to think about when put side by side with his relationship with Baekhyun. Back when they debuted, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close friends that clearly felt comfortable with each other, and it isn't surprising to think that Baekhyun would be Chanyeol's first pick when he thought about doing fanservice with someone. Of course, I can't exactly pinpoint their first fanservice moment since I'm not a walking EXO encyclopedia anymore, but I can say with certainty that both of them felt like it worked as soon as they first tried it with the fans, and that's the reason why they kept doing it. Conveniently, they were both good friends, so all was good.

Until well, it wasn't.

At some point, Chanyeol's interactions with Baekhyun seemed too eager for Baekhyun himself. There are various moments where this is visible, such as this one:

Why are you grabbing my wrist out of nowhere young man........

Or...

That one pic where Jongdae, who was in front of them, looked so damn uncomfortable I can't even bring myself to google it

Of course, they had some over the top fanservice that did work out pretty well, such as this one, both of them imitating Jonghyun's and Taemin's Internet War stage, which seems a little scripted now that I look at it properly, with Baekhyun seemingly expecting Chanyeol to do whatever it is that he did on that day. (Can you imagine this: both of them backstage, watching Jonghyun's and Taemin's performance in silence, and one of them just blurts out "We should do that too!". What the fuck was going on)

By the way, if you have never seen the original Internet War performance, you can watch it here.

This is what they were imitating.

Tumblr won’t let me upload the gifs for this moment for some reason, so here and here.

You can't tell me Baekhyun wasn't expecting it already, lol.

Now, know what this moment reminds me of? ISAC. On their Internet War imitation moment, Baekhyun seemed fine, playful, even, agreeing. During ISAC, however, doing basically the same thing again (this time on a lighter way even; since they weren't, you know. Imitating a strong performance such as Internet War.), he appears reluctant. It's a bit painful to watch.

What changed? The ISAC event happened a few months after the SMTOWN concert where they did the Internet War thing, so what made things become so different?

If this has enough likes I’ll make a second part!

[neversetyoufree]

I read the vanitas manga it's feels like queer bait to me, so many straight kisses but no gay ones? Vanitas & noe dancing is just more bait, Luna is a genderless vampire (non human) and that's it, everything else is bait just like the creator's last work

I've seen other blogs getting similar asks, so to be honest, I suspect that this isn't being sent in good faith. However, on the off-chance that this is a genuine question, or that anyone reading this has similar concerns, I'll try my best to answer this properly.

1. VnC is still a work in progress. Literally anything could happen before the ending, including canon queer people, and given the subtext we've seen so far, there's a part of me that's hopeful for it. If there were ever a shonen manga with a chance to give us legitimate rep among major characters, I feel this could be the one. I'm not going to say that just because a series so far hasn't had any explicit queer relationships, it never will.

I mean hell, just look at the show Hannibal. It's a gay love story, but the main characters spend the first season and a half getting romantically involved with a woman. One of them even gets straight married. These things happen, y'know? And even if we never see a kiss or anything, that doesn't mean something can't still be rep in a meaningful way.

2. As I've said before, even if we never do get more explicit representation than we have right now, this series will still be a very welcoming one to queer people in a way that I think is important. There is a lot of casual, subtle homophobia in the world of fiction, and VnC has had every opportunity to fall into those tropes, but it never does, and I think that's worth something in itself.

I think it’s valuable that we get to see a woman flirting with other women, and the joke isn’t “haha gay girls, that’s weird.” The only joke is how flustered the girls she flirts with get, because Domi is charming and forward. I think it’s valuable that we can see a couple of dudes dancing together, and nobody makes a thing out of it. There’s no commentary about how it looks gay. Neither guy is uncomfortable. They just. ballroom dance, and it’s fine. This may be hard to articulate well, but even if we never get Vanoé romance, and there’s nothing gay about that scene, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still feel queer. I think the more we get to see that kind of casual same sex intimacy, whether it ends up romantic or platonic, the more welcoming the world becomes to actual gay people, because it does a lot to normalize that kind of interaction. So while you may disagree, I think that scene has a lot of worth.

3. I don’t know where you’re from, anon, but personally, I am pretty uncomfortable accusing MochiJun of queerbaiting, because I come from a wildly different cultural context. I am a whole-ass American, and though there are some especially obvious cases that I’ve joked about in the past, I am not qualified to try and have an actual educated discussion about queerbaiting in Japanese media. I’m not educated enough about gay rights and culture there. I don’t know what actual Japanese queer people would and would not consider good rep. I don’t know what issues people there are concerned with.

Plus, like, queerbaiting is a marketing tactic more than anything else. The issue comes from when you try to lure in an audience by signaling that your work is queer, then double back on that promise. It is entirely possible, though rare, perhaps, for an author to write something full of goddamn subtext without fully intending to do that. For a famous example, just look at the original Sherlock Holmes (the books, not the BBC show). A lot of people have read queerness in Sherlock and his relationship with Watson over the years (and funnily enough, Noé and Vani were conceived of as a Holmes and Watson relationship), but I’m not about to accuse Arthur Conan Doyle of queerbaiting, y’know? I’m not convinced that Mochijun has ever tried to hook people in under a false promise/suggestion of rep, which is what the real issue would be.

So like, without a better knowledge of Japanese queer culture/representation and a closer understanding of Mochijun’s own intentions with this series, “bait” is not an accusation I feel either of us should be making, anon.

4. It’s been a while since I last read the series, so perhaps I’m forgetting something, but I am legitimately racking my brain trying to figure out what in Pandora Hearts you’d consider queerbait, and I am coming up empty. The series doesn’t really have any representation in it, but it never tried to suggest that that wouldn’t be the case, and I cannot remember anything that ever toed the line of getting gay. If you’d like to tell me what exactly you mean when you say “just like the creator’s last work,” please feel free, because I am genuinely rather confused.

And if this was, in fact, a bad-faith ask rather than someone legitimately concerned or confused, then it is at this point I’d like to ask you to politely fuck off and please stop messaging people. As I said, I’ve seen at least one other person get a very similar message to this, which makes me suspect that you, anon, might be the same asker, which is honestly quite sad. Do you genuinely have nothing better to do with your time than try to make random strangers on the internet feel bad about the things they like? Is making ill-informed accusations of queerbaiting fun for you? Get a hobby bud.

[bloody-bee-tea]

Just

First part         Previous part

Jiang Cheng jerks awake when the door to his room is flung open. He blinks against the dark, his blanket still safely over his head, and even though there’s the tiniest spark of anger that someone dared to barge into his room like that, he can’t sustain it.

It’s so much easier to simply lay here, just like that.

“Jiang Wanyin!” Nie Huaisang says, and just by his tone Jiang Cheng can tell that he’s mad.

Really mad. Room-worthy mad.

It’s still not enough to get Jiang Cheng to move.

“What?” he gets out at least, though he’s not even sure if Nie Huaisang can hear him, buried under his blanket as he is.

“What ‘what’? You were supposed to help me with my project and instead you’re still sleeping? What is going on?” Nie Huaisang demands to know and now the spark of anger comes back.

“We were supposed to talk about your project this afternoon, so what the fuck do you want now?” Jiang Cheng snaps out, angry enough to push the blanket down, even though it’s not quite enough to sit up and face Nie Huaisang.

“It is afternoon,” Nie Huaisang hisses and Jiang Cheng freezes.

He just woke up. He woke up, saw that it was too early to be awake on a Saturday morning and just closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t even properly sleep, he’s sure of that, so how can it already be afternoon.

“Well, maybe I decided I don’t want to help you,” Jiang Cheng says, meaner than he really means to, but his voice is shaking and his mind is whirring and he doesn’t know how to be anything else anyways.

“You’re a real asshole,” Nie Huaisang says, and just the fact that there is no anger in his voice let’s Jiang Cheng know just how truly angry he really is.

He’ll probably have to go back to the room with Nie Huaisang later and just the thought of that makes Jiang Cheng want to cry.

“Go away,” Jiang Cheng says, even though there’s some nagging guilt in his stomach, because he did promise Nie Huaisang to help him, and he had every intention do to so, but just the thought of getting up and doing actual things and having to talk to people is exhausting enough that Jiang Cheng sinks back into his bed and pulls his blanket up again.

He feels like his thoughts should be running like crazy, but all he can manage is a weary exhaustion because this was inevitable, wasn’t it?

Of course his depression would come back with a vengeance, just when he thought everything was going well again.

He still could be wrong about this, too, but in hindsight everything makes sense. His listlessness to do anything—even the things he loves—and his bad mood of course, followed by bouts of fighting back tears. His exhaustion at having to talk to people—of having to do literally anything—and his inability to sleep; it all makes sense.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng mutters and presses his eyes closed as hot tears slide down his cheeks.

And he was doing so well, too; he’s going to classes he actually likes, this house feels more like home than anything else, and the Nie’s were starting to feel like a real family.

It makes no sense for Jiang Cheng to fall back into this and he hates himself for still doing it.

He startles again when there’s a knock at his door and this time he fishes for his phone to check the time before someone can catch him off-guard again.

He lost another hour.

Fuck.

“Can I come in?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng tenses.

He’s here because Nie Huaisang told him what he said. He’s here to scold Jiang Cheng and he feels like crying just thinking about that but he can’t send Nie Mingjue away either, because then he’ll be mad and it’s already bad enough that Nie Huaisang is mad at him.

The thoughts make Jiang Cheng freeze, unable to do or say anything, and Nie Mingjue has to knock a second time.

“Wanyin?” he asks and now he sounds worried, which Jiang Cheng never wanted and doesn’t deserve and it’s enough to make him sob.

“I’m coming in,” Nie Mingjue decides, because clearly he must have heard Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng can’t find it in him to face Nie Mingjue, so he continues to lay in his bed with his back to the room. It’s easier like that. He can’t see the disappointment on Nie Mingjue’s face like that.

“Wanyin, what’s going on?” Nie Mingjue asks, and his voice is soft as he sits down on Jiang Cheng’s chair at his desk.

“Nothing,” Jiang Cheng gets out, though he still sounds choked up and there’s no doubt in the world that he has been crying.

“There’s no need to lie to me. Something is going on.”

“And what if it is?” Jiang Cheng snaps out even though his voice still wobbles.

“Won’t you tell us? It’s not like you to snap at Huaisang like that.”

“Maybe you just don’t know me,” Jiang Cheng gives back, because it’s easier than admitting to what is really wrong with him.

“I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t go back on your word like that. If you truly did not want to help him, then you would have said so earlier. And it’s not like you to miss a meeting or appointment either. So what is going on?”

Jiang Cheng let’s his words wash over him, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, but just Nie Mingjue’s tone is enough to bring tears to his eyes again.

He doesn’t deserve this kindness; for once there’s nothing wrong in his life and there is absolutely no reason why his depression should come back at this moment.

It’s not fair.

“Nothing is going on,” Jiang Cheng finally gets out, and he hates, hates how emotional he is, because he’s crying again.

Or maybe he never stopped, he’s not even sure anymore.

“Do you want to talk to someone else? Should I get Xuanyu or your sister maybe?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

The thought of his siblings makes guilt sink into his gut again, because he hasn’t checked his phone since yesterday, finding every kind of interaction too draining to even read the messages they surely have sent him.

The thought that he disappointed them on top of everything else is so crippling that Jiang Cheng smashes his face into his pillow and then simply stays there.

It’s easier not to do anything, because even more crying feels like too much of a strain at the moment.

“I’ll come back with dinner,” Nie Mingjue says after a long while and Jiang Cheng doesn’t react to his words.

He doesn’t feel like eating at all, but he wants to tell Nie Mingjue that even less, so he simply stays where he is.

Once he’s gone, Jiang Cheng turns onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

There are a thousand things he should do, and like a hundred he could do, but just thinking about doing anything is exhausting and Jiang Cheng doesn’t manage to move a muscle. He stays on his back, staring at nothing until Nie Mingjue comes back.

“I brought dinner,” he says, putting a plate on Jiang Cheng’s desk, but Jiang Cheng only blinks.

“I’m not hungry,” he gives back and finds that it’s true. He hasn’t eaten at all today, but his stomach doesn’t make a single sound, not even when the smell of the food hits him.

Fuck. He’s really deep in already.

“Wanyin, please. Just talk to me. We can figure out whatever is going on,” Nie Mingjue tries after a long moment and Jiang Cheng sighs before he heaves himself up.

He doesn’t remember sitting to be this exhausting.

“What’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue asks him again when Jiang Cheng doesn’t say anything and Jiang Cheng hates to see the worry on Nie Mingjue’s face.

Jiang Cheng is surprised to find that he hates worrying Nie Mingjue so much, that he actually thinks about telling Nie Mingjue everything and he knows he will when Nie Mingjue just patiently waits for him to answer.

“I’m prone to depression,” Jiang Cheng eventually forces out. “It’s happened in the past and I think it’s what’s going on now,” he says and he can’t quite meet Nie Mingjue’s eyes.

He would hate to see the same disappointment and disinterest that he saw in his parents the first time around.

“Okay,” Nie Mingjue says and comes over to sit at the edge of Jiang Cheng’s bed. “What do we do?” he asks him and it’s surprising enough that Jiang Cheng bursts into tears again.

He’s so sick and tired of crying.

“Can I hug you?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng is sobbing too hard to answer him, so he leans closer and hopes that Nie Mingjue understands his meaning.

Luckily he does, because strong arms come around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders and then he’s being pressed to Nie Mingjue’s chest and just being held like this helps immensely somehow.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng finally chokes out when he calmed down a bit and he feels how Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he immediately says and pushes Jiang Cheng away. “There is nothing you have to apologize for.”

“I should probably apologize to Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng sniffles because he was rather mean, and Nie Mingjue gives him a wry smile.

“Is a bad temper a symptom too?”

“I guess,” Jiang Cheng says with a shrug. “It’s usually listed on the internet.”

“On the internet,” Nie Mingjue repeats. “You said you had it before? Did you not get proper help?” he wants to know but Jiang Cheng can tell that he knows the answer before he even finishes his question.

“My parents, they—at first they thought it was something physical because I wasn’t eating right and I wasn’t sleeping much either. They yelled at me in the beginning but then my grades started to slip,” Jiang Cheng confesses and he looks at his hands rather than at Nie Mingjue directly.

It’s easier that way.

“That’s when they figured that something must be really wrong with me and they dragged me to a doctor. He did a check-up but couldn’t find a physical reason for it so he suggested that I should see a psychologist.”

“Your parents didn’t like that idea,” Nie Mingjue guesses and he sounds angry.

Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath to remind himself that Nie Mingjue is not angry with him, but with his parents.

“They didn’t,” Jiang Cheng agrees. “They wouldn’t let me go and just told me to get it together since there’s nothing really wrong with me.”

“I am so sorry,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“It is what it is,” he awkwardly says. “A-jie called the doctor again to inquire after the diagnosis he would give me, but he was reluctant to since that’s not his area of expertise. He said the best guess he could make was depression, but that we really needed to have it confirmed by a psychologist.”

“But you never went to one,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng nods.

“I read a lot on the internet and I went to the school’s counsellor a few times before my parents found out about it and made me stop.”

“Meetings with the counsellor are supposed to be confidential,” Nie Mingjue says with a deep breath and Jiang Cheng manages a bitter laugh.

“When is anything ever really confidential in my family,” he bitterly mutters and only relaxes again when Nie Mingjue squeezes his shoulder.

“What did you do last time?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng twists his fingers together.

“I think I out-stubborned it. My parents expected good grades so I had to study. I told myself over and over again that nothing is really wrong and that there’s no reason for me to be depressed. I went to bed at a set time and no matter the day I woke up at the same time, too. I forced myself to study, to not slack off with my training and in the end it somehow worked. A-jie was there, too, of course but sometimes—” he trails off here, because he cannot admit that her fretting and concerned looks made it that much harder sometimes. “I managed to get over it,” he finally says.

Jiang Cheng thinks back to all these weeks and months were he didn’t feel like doing anything; where even the thought of getting up in the morning felt like an insurmountable obstacle, not even to mention everything that came after it, but somehow he had done it.

He had felt bone-deep exhausted the whole time, and he had lost weight and friends, but he had done it.

“I later read that a fixed schedule can help; just like any kind of sport. I got lucky I think,” he admits because not everyone comes out of it as easy as he did.

Well, easy in retrospect. At the time it had felt like the most difficult thing of his entire life, and it was starting to feel like that again.

“We’re not going to do it like that, this time,” Nie Mingjue suddenly says and Jiang Cheng jerks at his words.

“What do you mean?” he whispers, too afraid to hope that maybe this time he doesn’t have to do it all on his own again.

“First of all, you’re not going to ‘get over it’,” Nie Mingjue decisively says. “Depression is a serious illness and we’re going to treat it accordingly. I know a psychologist we can call to see if she has time for you, if you want that.”

Jiang Cheng blinks at him, because he didn’t think that Nie Mingjue would insist on this. Jiang Cheng was expecting some understanding; the Nies are not his parents after all, but this—

This is almost too much.

“I can’t possibly—” he starts, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t let him talk.

“Whatever it is you want to say stop it,” he gently scolds him. “You’re not an imposition, and you’re not taking too much. I won’t force you to go, of course, but I think it would help much more than just powering through it alone and with how your family life was before—maybe we should have thought about this earlier,” Nie Mingjue admits and Jiang Cheng really is so damn sick of crying, but he can’t help it.

“Thank you,” he whispers out, because no matter if he gets professional help this time around or not, Nie Mingjue is already so much more supportive than his parents ever were.

“Not for that,” Nie Mingjue lowly gives back and pulls Jiang Cheng into a hug again.

“And it’s nothing to be ashamed of either, you hear me?” he asks Jiang Cheng who tenses at his words.

Of course he wasn’t allowed to talk about his ‘supposed affliction’ before; his parents didn’t want to hear a single word about it, always pretending that Jiang Cheng chose to be difficult on purpose rather than admitting that it might be something more.

“Isn’t it?” Jiang Cheng whispers and he fists his hand in Nie Mingjue’s shirt. “There’s no reason for me to be depressed; you gave me a home and I’m happy here. There’s no reason for me to be like this.”

“Maybe it is because you finally can relax,” Nie Mingjue muses and starts to stroke his hand up and down Jiang Cheng’s back. “Maybe there’s no reason at all for it; it doesn’t matter. You can be happy and healthy one day and then contract a severe illness the next one. Why should this be any different?”

Jiang Cheng has to admit that he never really gave this any thought, but thinking too much about this right now hurts his head, so he doesn’t.

“I have to apologize to Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng says when he finally moves away from Nie Mingjue who sighs.

“You probably should, but I think it’s more important that you explain. If you go to see a psychologist we’re not going to keep it a secret here; that’s not how we work.”

Cold fear settles in Jiang Cheng’s stomach, more instinctual than anything else, before he forcefully breathes it away. There is no reason to be afraid of anyone’s reaction here; they are a family, much more so than Jiang Cheng and his parents ever were and of course they needed to know.

“Alright,” Jiang Cheng agrees even though the thought of that discussion leaves him drained.

“Not today, Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue gently tells him and flicks his forehead. “Quit your worrying. You’re going to eat a little bit and then I’ll leave you be. We can talk about it tomorrow and see if you want to meet with the psychologist and once we have that settled we can think about telling the others, okay?”

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng agrees and then forces a smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Nie Mingjue immediately tells him, just like Jiang Cheng was expecting. “Eat what you can, okay? And drink something, I think that’s more important.”

“I will,” Jiang Cheng promises and reaches for his water to prove his point.

“Alright. Try to sleep and then we’ll see about everything else tomorrow, yes?”

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng says again, because Nie Mingjue didn’t say that he might feel better tomorrow, or that he’s being stupid and dramatic and just lazy and faking it to get out of doing things, and Jiang Cheng never realized how badly all of his parents barbs grated on him in the past.

“You’re welcome,” Nie Mingjue says this time, clearly understanding that this goes deeper than just a simple thank you and then he’s gone again.

Jiang Cheng flops back on his bed, before he remembers that he’s supposed to eat and drink something first.

He forces himself back up, manages to eat half the plate of food Nie Mingjue brought him and then he washes it all down with water. Only then does he allow himself to crawl back under his blanket.

Jiang Cheng is absolutely not looking forward to having to fight this again, but he thinks that maybe with his family having his back, it will be easier this time around.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Hunting Palismans" From The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Today, I present to you reason #4,693 for why The Owl House is the best thing at the moment: It's the perfect balance of serialized storytelling with an episodic format. The story always moves forward with an exact order for how episodes should be watched, but each episode still functions as its own standalone tale. Having prior knowledge of what happened before adds more to the experience, but you can still watch whatever you want and still have an enjoyable time. Take "Hunting Palismans," for example. It adds so much more to the overarching narrative while slightly continuing other threads. But it's still something you can watch as is without remembering the past or wondering about the future.

However, to properly explain how requires spoilers. I wasn't kidding when I say that this episode adds so much, so you're going to want to be wary of that when you continue reading.

With that said, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Coven Heads Meeting: We already saw these fellow schmucks in the trailer, but that doesn't take away how cool they are! It's not explicitly stated which head belongs to which coven, but you can already tell who goes where just from their designs alone. And I love that. I love that just by showing us some excellent character designs, anybody with half a brain can already figure out the particular type of magic each Coven Head specializes in. It's a perfect example of the show-don't-tell level of storytelling that is always at its best through animation, and I'm all for it because of it.

What the Day of Unity is: Several fans, myself included, have already speculated that the Day of Unity was that Emperor Belos planned to combine the human world with the Boiling Isles and rule it all with an iron fist. That being said, figuring it out is one thing, but being told that it's true is a whole different level pants-s**ting horror that I AM NOT READY FOR! Even when it's going to happen, I can assure you that I will not be prepared to witness it ...and I am scared of when it does.

Belos Body Horror: ...Disney, I was already scared s**tless of this guy. I DO NOT NEED THIS!

That being said, seeing Belos do...whatever the f**k that was, helps explain further why he needs the magic in palismans. I always assumed because it's like fuel for a car, giving him the power he needs. Now, even though the answer is more apparent, there are still some questions to be had. Is he cursed, and the magic keeps it at bay like Eda's potions? Or did he experiment with the wrong type of magic, and the palismans keep him stable? Only the future can say for sure...and I'm also not prepared for the answers from that either.

Golden Guard is Belos’ Nephew: Gosh dangit, THE INTRO HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET, AND THIS EPISODE IS ALREADY GIVING SO MUCH!

But, yeah, the most powerful witch on the Isles is apparently Golden Boy's Grunkle Belos. That very knowledge is incredibly interesting to discuss while presenting possibilities for future narratives. I don't know about you, but I see the Golden Guard going down the path of Zuko, learning that the magic of friendship is worth much more than whatever power he gains from being Belos' nephew. And possibly earning his uncle's love seeing how he's the only family he has. It's a situation that's vastly different from Amity's because even when she defies her parents, she'll still have Edric and Emira at the end of the day. For Golden Guard, knowing that he lost a great family to wild magic, the inclination to go against Belos is a lot weaker due to him being all he has left.

Oh, and also, Belos' family getting wiped out because of wild magic. Yeah, not only does that give the best type of motivation for Belos' distaste for it, but it also explains the Golden Guard's hesitance to use it. He's inclined to so he can save his uncle, sure. It's only the fact that he knows what happens with wild magic that causes some resistance...Also, we're less than a minute in, and I'm already getting all of this from one discussion between two characters.

HOW IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD?!

Intro Changes: It's about time too. It seems weird that the crew waited to change Eda and King's designs in the intro this late in the game, but it also tells me that Amity dying her hair lavender is the last huge change this season will present. Otherwise, why change the intro at all if you were going to alter Luz, Willow, and Gus' designs anyway? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Luz Keeping the Echo Mouse as a Pet: The fact that she keeps the most important creature in the world to her as a pet...it's...it's adorable, alright? And as we established several times, I cannot hate adorable things.

Don't judge me!

Amity Staying Home: There are two plausible ways why Amity didn't go to school that day. Either she's getting punished for dying her hair or because she's trying to avoid Luz so they won't talk about the you-know-what. Either could work and seem understandable to Luz, thus explaining why she admits how "that makes sense." Although, there is something to discuss in how Luz is curious as to where Amity is. Judging from the tone of her voice, it's pretty clear that she wants to talk about the little peck on the cheek and maybe get some confirmation as to what it means. Because there is no going back from that. You can explain away saying or doing something stupid, but you cannot un-kiss a cheek. That is a point of no return, and if Amity really is avoiding Luz because of it, that means it's up to our favorite weirdo to make the first move. As for what that may entail...we'll just have to wait and see.

Frewin: We get two bits of information here for the price of one reveal here. Knowing that Frewin is a palisman is shocking enough, but the knowledge that Bump is partially blind and needs Frewin to see? That is an intriguing piece of intel that I would have never expected to get revealed. This is reason #5,279 for what makes The Owl House so good. Even when the show presents information you wouldn't guess, it's all so interesting anyways that you can't help but go along with it.

Adopting Palismans: First of all, love the fact that the Bat Queen makes a return to provide a solution to the palisman trees being rare and solving her own problem regarding the discarded palismans. It's a situation where everyone wins in a way that is so clever that I can't help but admire it.

Second, the idea of students choosing to adopt palismans instead is cute. I'd say it gives further insight into who these characters are in how they say what they want to be, but there's nothing really new added that fans couldn't figure out from the get go. But I will say that it's pretty cool to know that these characters have official staffs now. Speaking of which, if you're upset that their palismans don't match up with your headcanons...grow up.

This was a cute and smartly written scene that should not be bogged down by whiney fans who can't accept a series doing something different from what they expect.

Little Rascal: I’d take a bullet for this bird. That is all.

Luz Being Uncertain of her Future: A lot of fans offer several ideas of what the future could look like for Luz. Will she stay in the Boiling Isles? In Connecticut? Or will she go back and forth? We don't know, but one question we rarely brought up is what does Luz want? More specifically, what does she want to do? After everything Luz went through, the adventures she's gone on, and the lessons learned, what is something that Luz wants her future to be? That's an answer she doesn't really figure out, and I'm genuinely ok with that being a question that's tabled for another day. Most kids who ask that question themselves aren't always going to find an answer after a short amount of time and sometimes even need to spend their lives trying to figure it out. So having it be something Luz has to consider and probably find out in a future episode is the smarter option, as it allows time for it to simmer in her own mind and provides more insight into her character. As stated several times in this episode, she doesn't think things through, so it's nice that the writers finally allowed her some time to wonder what's next when the adventure is over.

Luz Having to Improvise Without Paper Glyphs: You want to know what my favorite Spider-Man moments are (this is relevant. Trust me). My favorite moments are when Spidey's web-shooters run out of fluid, and he's forced to improvise with that big brain of his to find a solution. That's sort of what happens with Luz in "Hunting Palismans." She didn't bring her glyphs with her (why would she), so she's forced to use the environment around her to make new ones. Plus, Luz also flexes her knowledge of the Boiling Isles by mixing her glyphs with a magical plant (which Willow certainly told her about) so that she and the Golden Guard could knock out Kikimora's dragon. It's yet another showcase of her intelligence that a lot of fans are too keen to overlook. Unfortunate to see, too, because looking at how well Luz can craft the perfect solutions by fighting smarter, not harder, is a fantastic add-on to her personality. I love characters who win through their wits rather than their raw powers, and I once again hope more people will catch onto that aspect of her too.

Golden Guard Whistling the Theme: Look, I love it when a show acknowledges its own theme song, ok? Leave me alone.

Luz and the Golden Guard: This is one of those dynamics you didn't know you wanted until you have it. And now that I have it, I DEMAND MORE!

Seriously, seeing these two interact off of each other was a ton of fun to watch. When Luz and GG are initially at each other's throats, their threats and mockery towards one another aren't out of spiteful anger between two mortal enemies. It's more like...two siblings who get on each other's nerves yet are supposed to deal with one another. It's equally adorable and hilarious, and yes, I absolutely loved that they're forced to work together in this episode because of it.

Although, while the entertainment value is fantastic, it also adds more proof of why Luz is the best character in the series. She spends one night with this guy, and that's more than what she needed to make a difference with him. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're buddies now, but Luz definitely sowed the seeds into his redemption. He's far from willing to join her side, but he still does something he rarely does with anyone else: He told her that his name is Hunter. And this is what Luz does. Through nearly every person she meets on the Boiling Isles, she always manages to change them for the better. It'll be a while before Hunter deflects from Belos, but if Amity proves anything, Luz has a way of sneaking into people's hearts. They just need to spend more time with one another, and I can't wait to see what happens next because of it.

Kikimora Wanting to Kill Hunter: This shows a lot about who Kikimora is, but it potentially proves just how dysfunctional the Emperor's Coven can be. If Kiki proves anything, the coven must be filled with people willing to backstab and cheat their way to get on Emperor Belos' good side. Just look at Lilith. She literally cursed her own sister just to get in and received all the rewards because of it. The Emperor's Coven may be the best choice for witches to do magic, but if you're surrounded by people you can't trust, then is it really worth it?

The Guards Not Knowing Who Hunter is: This helps add to how much of a big deal it is for Hunter to reveal his name to Luz. If people can't even recognize his face, there's a chance it means that he keeps his true identity a secret except for those in his inner circle.

And the coven guards brushing off his brand is more than believable to me. They may be aware that Belos' right hand is young, but teens will be teens. Anybody with enough artistic talent can fake a brand. So it isn't too far off for those two to think Hunter was just a kid pulling a prank.

Hunter is Powerless Without his Staff: Not much to say here. It's just some more neat insight into Hunter's character that makes me wonder if even Belos' magic is real magic.

But I will say this: The fact that Hunter comes from a lineage of powerless witches, well, who's to say that isn't because of a...certain ancestor?

(*Cough* Hunter is related to Philip *Cough*)

Hunter vs Kiki: A pretty well-animated fight scene that adds potential drama to the story for the future. Now that Kikimora knows that Hunter helped Luz escape with the palismans (albeit unwillingly), she may or may not hold that over his head when the time comes. Or, at the very least, decides to keep a closer eye on him whenever he makes a slip-up.

Eda and King Getting Luz her own Palisman Wood: These last two weeks have been severely lacking in the Eda and King department, but scenes like this more than make up for it. Those two have formed such a bond with Luz to the point where they would do the impossible if it meant she would feel better. It proves just how much of a family they all are and the lengths they would go for each other. After all, weirdos have to stick together.

Little Rascal going to Hunter: Hunter is right. That was surprising.

Given how much Little Rascal stuck by Luz, I was more than positive that she would be the one he chose. So seeing Little Rascal pick Hunter instead is a much nicer twist. There could be multiple reasons why, and I'm just going to leave that to the analyzers in this fandom to decide. Especially since the answer isn't really all that important.

So, instead, I'm going to go ahead and sit in the corner as I wOrRy AbOuT tHe DaY tHaT bElOs FiNdS lItTlE rAsCal!

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY, IF THE WRITERS KILL HIM, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY!

WHAT I DISLIKED

First, there's...um...

Well, there was this...

Ok, as much as I liked--No, that turned out well anyways...

…

...

...I've got nothing.

I, honest to goodness, have no complaints about "Hunting Palismans" Not even the tiniest of nitpicks I would usually ignore due to how well-executed everything else was.

It's all written fantastically to the point where it's...perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Hunting Palismans" is an easy A+. It introduces even more plot threads, gives insight into characters, and despite being essential to the story, it still manages to be a fun episode all on its own. And, I'd go so far as to say that it's one of the best, if not the best, episodes in the series. There's nothing bad about it, and that surprises me. I rarely find nothing bad to say about any story, even the ones I enjoy greatly. I'm sure there are some flaws that others would be more than happy to point out, but why bother hunting for the imperfections when I could accept that, for once, an episode is simply perfect.

(And that’s six hits in a row...THAT STINKER IS GOING TO HAPPEN! It hasn’t happened yet, BUT IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! I CAN FEEL IT!)

[omgkatsudonplease]

I watched Mignonnes so you don't have to, if you were at all discomfited by the way Netflix's marketing decided to sexualise children in a film critiquing the sexualisation of children.

SPOILERS BELOW

The film is about how both hyperliberal and hyperconservative cultures force girls to grow up too fast. Amy is a first-gen immigrant from Senegal. Her family's culture tells girls they are marriageable once they get their first period, and in anticipation of that she is expected to know how to prepare an entire wedding feast and provide for her two younger brothers. 

Amy is disenchanted from this culture when she finds out her dad back in Senegal has married another woman. He will be bringing her to France with him and they will live in the same apartment. Amy's mom tries to put on a brave face and accept it, but it is obvious this move is humiliating for her. Amy's excitement for her dad turns into anger, compounded by her alienation and isolation at school.

The Mignonnes are a dance clique of 4 French girls who are clearly better adjusted to Western culture than Amy. Their ringleader lives in Amy's apartment complex and Amy is clearly enchanted with her because of the way she dances. She wants to be friends with the Mignonnes, but they bully and tease her. So in an attempt to win their approval, Amy learns the dance routine they are practicing for a local competition.

(The infamous "OMG NAKED BOOBIES ON A CHILD" shot is a blink and you'll miss it moment on a music video posted by a rival dance group. The incident is treated like a wardrobe malfunction, the girl quickly covers up, and the camera cuts away. Also, breasts aren't inherently sexual in France so a lot of the morality screaming is really American puritanism at play.)

The girls' antics are rebuffed by the older boys and men they interact with. One such moment is when the girls catfish an older teenager, but when one of them turns on the camera, the boy is visibly uncomfortable and tells them to fuck off. This leads to the girl who turned on the camera to be outcast from the group, which is Amy's avenue into the group. To secure her place, she offers to teach the other girls how to twerk. 

This is where the film's dances become more notably uncomfortable. I can tell why people are upset about the sexualisation of children based on only these scenes from the film, but within the context of the film they are treated as a dangerous addiction that is destroying Amy's dignity. She acts more and more "mature" in an attempt to gain the approval of the Mignonnes. In these subsequent dance scenes the camera mimics the angles from a music video, but the child subjects make the overall scene grotesque and uncomfortable.

There is a scene where Amy is pantsed in a fight. This is when she is desperately trying to look "more mature", so the revelation that she still wears "kids' granny panties" is humiliating for her. Once again, the shot is really quick, in the context of a fight, and the Mignonnes come to her rescue quickly. This moment is the tipping point where Amy's outside activity seeps back into her home. She steals her mom's wallet so she and the Mignonnes can go on a shopping spree for more ~mature~ underwear. 

Since Amy is in a lower-income first-gen immigrant family, she doesn't have her own smartphone. The girls at her school do, though, so she steals her cousin's smartphone. This is also part of her attempts to become accepted by her peers -- that phone is her first foray into hypersexualised Western online culture and part of her first major interaction with the Mignonnes. It is also part of the worst thing she does: post an inappropriate photo of herself online.

The film clearly shows her reasoning for doing so: she is deep in social media at this point and needs more and more provocative actions to score the same high. The Mignonnes were humiliated by the pantsing incident and need something to show they're "not kids" (even though they are). Amy doesn't know it's inappropriate to post that kind of photo online. She does it anyway. And she is punished by both her home culture and Western culture for doing it.

There is a scene here where her mother and auntie sprinkle her with water, presumably to purify her from her sins. Amy becomes overwhelmed with some sort of emotion and starts half-twerking in front of them. The camera circles her entire body when she does so. It really makes her look possessed, which is why her mother calls in an imam (I think?) to check her for demons. The man tells her mother there are none, and reminds her that she is free to divorce her husband if she cannot bear the stress and humiliation of this impending wedding. "God does not burden women with more than they can bear," he says, making a clear distinction between Islam as a religion, and Islam as a tool used by a patriarchal culture to force the submission of women. 

Amy is also rejected from the Mignonnes (and they welcome the other girl back in). They tell her she acted like a slut and ruined their reputation, completely uncaring that they were responsible for her actions up to this point. The line is clearly: you can twerk and lick your finger and bite your lips and do all the other stuff that the women in music videos do, but you cannot post nudes. Amy doesn't know that's the line. She tries to justify her actions and is only pushed away by the other girls. 

(I should also mention, the actual action of her taking the pictures does not show you anything. The camera keeps itself above the belt outside of dance scenes. You know what she's doing based on the glow of the phone screen and the tops of her knees. You never see the photo itself, either. That, to me, tells me more about the film's treatment of these kids more than the dance scenes.) 

So with this further isolation from both of her cultures, Amy grows increasingly desperate. On the day of her dad's arrival and wedding, she tries to push her way back into the Mignonnes for their final dance. This feels like an act of self-harm at this point, but Amy needs that high of having friends and getting approval (since she's not getting any of it at home). The dance is horrifically provocative, and many people in the audience are uncomfortable. The fact that Netflix decided to focus on this scene in their marketing campaign subverts the entire point of the film, since anyone who only watches the trailer would not know Amy was self-harming by dancing like this at this point. 

Amy receives an awakening in the middle of the dance. She realises this is also not what she wants to do -- she doesn't want to be viewed as a prospective wife OR a prospective whore. So she runs off, rejecting the Mignonnes. 

(There is a scene earlier on when Amy gets her first period and the auntie tells her that she herself had been engaged at Amy's age, and after she got her first period she had only a couple more years before she was properly married. Also the second wife is heavily implied to be only a couple years older than Amy. This is not framed in the context of Islam but rather in the context of Amy's family's culture.) 

In the end, however, Amy manages to find a middle ground between her two cultures, and rejects the expectation from both for girls to become women before they're ready to. She rejects both the hyperfeminine dress sent from Senegal for her dad's wedding as well as the risque dance outfit, and dresses like a kid to go jump rope with other kids in the neighborhood. When she finally gets to act like a kid, she is happy. 

I could honestly say more about the film's use of that dress from Senegal as a magical realism plot point, the relationship between Amy and her mother, and how the camera is a stand-in for Amy's mental processes and perceptions. But given the current puritan fervour on the Internet about how the film is "paedobait" I felt obliged to write up the film so people can be aware of how the subject is actually handled in the film itself and make their own judgement as to whether or not to watch it. I personally thought it was more evocative of the immigrant experience; I remember making many of Amy's mistakes when I was growing up (but thankfully mostly not offline, lmao). 

So: are the dance scenes disturbing? Yes. That's the point. I would be more concerned if you were NOT disturbed by the dances. Is the film sexualising the kids? I personally think this is an example of depiction =/= endorsement. Would creeps use the dance scenes for their own ends? Yes, but creeps also used to use innocent YouTube videos of kids doing gymnastics and ballet or playing at the beach, which is why all YouTube videos for kids now have comments disabled. So dogpiling a woman of colour for talking about her own experience through film, accusing her of being a paedophile, and sending her death threats is incredibly excessive. 

Also, the original accusation of this film being paedobait originated from 4ch*n, a known internet cesspool of racist paedophiles, so really. Are we really going to take 4ch*n at their word. Do your research, everyone.

[all-my-love-for-harry]

The first meeting.

summary: y/n and artemis met a handsome (to y/n) and intimidating (to artemis) man.

word count: 1.5k

a/n: hope you’re enjoying this ‘series’ as much as i am enjoying writing them! (also, i’m sorry if there’s any mistakes regarding y/n’s job. i’m not from the uk so i got the information from the internet)

you can find more of my shy little boy here

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

January, 2018.

If there was something Y/N enjoyed, was playdates. Ever since she got pregnant with she looked forward taking her little baby with their friends, have a conversation with other parents while they watch the kids interact. However Artemis’ number of playdates are limited, due to his struggle to make friends and talk with other kids.

But he did have one good friend, his name was Spike. The way the two boys became friends was still an unanswered question to Y/N, but she couldn’t have been happier when her little one had told her he had made a friend.

The Prendergast were a very chill, very fun family to spend time with, and it didn’t took long for Y/N to become close friends with Emi and Adam. They had started a little tradition to get together every other Friday night at each other’s places, and this particular Friday wasn’t Y/N’s turn to host the dinner.

The Y/L/N’s arrived on time, Artemis being excited to see his friend even though he just saw him at daycare earlier that day. He pulled from Y/N’s hand, making her walk faster.

“C’mon mummy!”

“Wait, we don’t want to drop the cookies we made!”

They made it to the doorway just before Emi pulled the door open and greeted them. “There you are, Spike was starting to wonder were his best friend was”

“Hi, we bought cookies” Y/N said as they stepped into the house, Artemis disappearing into the hallway as he ran towards the living room.

“You look tired, long week?”

“Sort of, collage students can take a tool on you” Y/N replied, sighing.

Y/N had recently taken a job as a collage teacher and while it has been a wonderful change in her family’s economy, it was indeed tiring and sometimes intimidating. But it allowed her to provide better for her little one, so she wasn’t going to complain.

“Well, tonight you can forget about work” Emi said, walking to the kitchen to place the cookies in the microwave to keep them warm. “Oh, I forgot to tell you but someone else is joining us for dinner”

“Oh?” Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Who?”

“His name’s Harry, you’ll love him. He recently came back to London and Adam invited him over”

“I want you to meet him, he’s a nice guy” Emi’s husband, Adam, came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Y/N’s shoulders. “I bet Artemis will love him too”

“Yeah, right” she chuckled. “As if you didn’t know my son”

“Worth the try” he smirked.

As if it was a sign, the doorbell was heard inside of the house, indicating someone new had just arrived. Y/N walked over the living room to see what the kids were up to, and she found Silver, Spike’s older sister, teaching the two boys how to drink tea properly. She smiled at the sight as she took a seat on one of the couches.

She heard voices coming closer to where she was, but it wasn’t until she heard the stranger laugh that she turned over to see. A handsome man stood beside Adam, he had chocolate curls adorning the very top of his head, along with beautiful emerald eyes joined by little crinkles at the side as he smiled at Emi.

He was beautiful.

Y/N saw as the three adults approached her, Adam smirking at her reaction in a way of telling her I told you so.

“Y/N, this is Harry. Harry, this is our friend Y/N” Harry offered his hand for her to shake and she noticed the rings adorning his fingers.

“It’s nice to meet you, love. I’ve heard wonderful things about you” he said as the shook hands.

“Pleasure’s mine” she smiled. She was gonna talk again but a little body crashed into her legs from behind, clearly hiding. “This is Artemis. Say hi, baba”

The little boy said nothing as he pushed himself further into his mum’s legs, clearly feeling intimidated of seeing a very tall stranger standing in front of his mummy.

“Hi Artemis, I’m Harry” he offered the boy the most friendly smile he could provide but he still wasn’t responding.

“I’m sorry, he’s… uh, very shy” Y/N blushed. “Darling, remember we’re polite to people” she said to her son.

Artemis let go of Y/N’s legs and took another peek to Harry, who was now crunched down to his level to make him feel more comfortable.

“Hello, Sir” he finally said, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he spoke.

Harry chuckled. “You can call me Harry, mate. I’m not that old”

Artemis nodded again. Silver and Spike came running to hug Harry, chanting Uncle Harry over and over again.

After the greetings, the kids went back playing and Y/N went to sit back on the couch, knowing how her son always wanted her close whenever he was feeling shy.

“Did I scare him?” Harry came with two glasses of wine. He sat beside her once she took it, mumbling a thank you.

“You didn’t. He’s just not so good with strangers”

“Missing his dad perhaps?” he inquired.

“You can miss someone you’ve never met” she chuckled before taking a long sip of wine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay, I’m joking. I mean, he hasn’t met that piece of shit indeed but its fine”

“If it matters, I bet he’s an idiot” he leaned down to her, as if he was telling her a secret. Y/N snorted. “Anyway, I still hope I didn’t scare him”

Y/N shook her head. “Usually he’s like this, especially with other men, he doesn’t know many”

Harry turned to look at Y/N’s son. He was no older than four, he guessed. He had blonde, curly hair and hazel eyes. Harry thought his facial features were all from his mum, and he was so damn adorable.

“You have a very adorable one, looks just like his mum” Harry said, smirking at her.

“I know, right? Worth every back pain I had during nine months”

The two talked a little longer and Harry moved closer to her as their glasses became emptier. Harry thought she was very beautiful and charming, just like Adam had described her before.

He learned Y/N was 25 and a professor at UCL and she teaches at the UCL Department of Spanish and Latin American Studies in the Faculty of Arts and Humanities. He also learned Artemis was indeed four years old and had a passion for my neighbor totoro even though he has never seen the movie before.

“He just really likes the character” Y/N would say.

It was refreshing to see someone so put together at 25, he would admit. Everything that came out of her mouth was interesting for him, as he wanted to learn as much as possible from her.

The entire group had dinner outside, enjoying the beautiful night with light conversations and some more wine. Harry tried to talk to Artemis, but he still refused to answer him something else aside from ‘no’, ‘yes’ and ‘thank you’ for the time Harry complimented his shirt.

Every time, Y/N would send him an apologetic smile but he dismissed it offering her one of his own. He’s met shy children before, but usually none of them would be so closed off to him. He was good with children, heck, he loved them. But the one time he actually needed his charms with them to work, mostly to impress the pretty woman who happened to be the mum of said child, of course they didn’t.

In the other hand, Y/N was not surprised by her son’s reactions and felt bad for Harry every time he would try to talk with Artemis. She knew he didn’t do it to be impolite or rude, he just genuinely got that nervous around strangers. He even yelled stranger danger one time when a man asked him his favorite ice cream flavor, that man was an employee serving them the ice cream.

At the end of the night, everyone said their goodbye’s and Y/N went out of the door with a half sleep four year old laying on her shoulder as she carried him to the car.

Emi pushed Harry’s shoulder, silently telling him to go help her. And that’s what he did.

“Thank you” she said when Harry opened the backseat door for her.

“You’re welcome” he smiled. He observed how Y/N put Artemis on his car seat and buckled his seatbelt across his little chest. He also opened the door for her as the gentleman he was. “I… had a great time tonight”

“Me too. It was nice meeting you”

“Perhaps… we could go out some time?” he asked nervously. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to”

“I’d like that actually” They exchanged numbers quickly and Harry noticed how her lockscreen was a picture of Artemis in a Mickey Mouse costume.

“I’ll call you” he assured her.

“I’ll wait for your call” she smiled at him one more time before closing the door and starting her car and driving away.

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

Taglist!!

@odetostep

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba

In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him. 

Accidental Feminist Icon

The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort. 

“You murdered a child, mijo.”

“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”

“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”

“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”

“Te llevo a la confesión.”

“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”

“Rafa-”

“Go home.”

Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news. 

He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself. 

“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.

“I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”

“Shut up, Carmen.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m helping you.”

“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”

“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”

“People understand murder?” he scoffed.

“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”

“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”

“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”

“My name’s Rafael.”

“You’re my boss.”

“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”

“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.

“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.

“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”

“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”

“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”

“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”

“I make his calendar. I know.”

“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”

“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”

“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.

“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”

“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.” 

“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”

“This isn’t me.”

“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”

“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.

“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”

“My suit will get wrinkled.”

“I’ll hang it for you.”

“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”

“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”

“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”

“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”

“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.

“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family. 

Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account. 

She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom. 

The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.

“Grape,” she said plainly.

“Grapes don’t taste like that.”

“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”

“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”

“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”

“Does he like books yet?”

“He does. He really likes being read to.”

“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”

“Some. Usually my playlists.”

“Play him Bach.”

“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”

“I’ll send you a playlist.” 

“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”

“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”

“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”

“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”

“He’d like that.”

“I’ll send it to you.”

“You’ll come, won’t you?”

“Me?”

“It’s your idea.”

“You’d still let me around your son?”

“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”

“Did you mean what you said last night?”

“Which part?”

“The last part.”

“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”

“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”

“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”

“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”

“Stop it.”

“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.

“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”

“You barely know me.”

“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”

“Who are you going with?”

“Randy Dworkin.”

“He’ll be good.”

“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”

“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”

“You have work.”

“McCoy approved me to be remote.”

“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.

“I suppose. So Bach?”

“Bring Ollie?”

“Deal.”