#would be so nice if someone smarter than me has it saved and could send me a link 🥺

[smimon]

Hello I heard that there is some liverpool-era interview/podcast with Jesse, does anyone have a link?

[lcnelyday]

suvi,

i never thought i would hear from you again. none of us did. part of me feels silly asking why i was the one you chose to reach out to. obviously it wouldn't be mum, but if someone told me that we would all hear from you again, i would assume it would be kasper. he hurt you the least. i suppose the twin thing never really goes away though, does it?

it's hard to admit but i have thought of you many times in the last ten years. you were impossible to find until you weren't. and now you're impossible to ignore. my daughter alora reads your comics. she is very excited for this show of yours coming out, as is my wife. i am really proud of the fact that you stuck to your guns. i would love to have seen the look on mum's face when she heard the news about your show.

i suppose it's more polite if i tell you how i've been, since you were so kind to offer your own little update. i got married pretty quickly after you left, found the love of my life, sarah. we have two kids, alora and henrik. alora is an artist, which is appropriate since she was named after you. sarah got me into therapy when she was pregnant with alora, which helped me sort through and try to understand what kind of childhood we had been given. apparently, it was abusive and not normal. when sarah got pregnant with henrik, we decided to follow in your footsteps, cutting ties with mum and kasper. i hear they are both doing well, as well as you can living in a haunted house. kasper still sends me an email update every six months or so. i don't reply.

i was awful to you. i know that, and i don't even want to apologize in a letter. it won't count the same as if i told you in person. it's unforgivable, and i know we were both traumatized and manipulated, but you never seemed to let it touch you, and i was always so mad about that. envious i suppose. you deserved more, you deserved the brother who grew up alongside you. i know you never would have done that to me, had the roles been reversed. i am sorry we wouldn't let you come to dad's funeral. i'll never let you forgive me for that one, so don't even think about it. i know you well enough to have justified that move a million ways in your head. i saved some of his ashes for you, but i think it's illegal to mail human remains so.

i hope this guy landon is as good as you said he was. i can't believe you are engaged. and with a baby on the way. i cried the moment i read about it. it sounds like you found someone who really loves you, who really brings you peace. i am sorry we could never do that for you. i won't be like her, you know that right? you'll never be like her. that was why she hated you so much. you never reacted how she would have, and that scared the ever living shit out of her.

i don't want to overwhelm you, but if you ever want to meet up again, sarah and i are more than interested. we'll come to you, or you can come to us. or we can meet somewhere in the middle. i don't know. i've added a couple of pictures of the kids, i am so sorry you missed so much of their lives already. alora is nearly eleven. i know your comics aren't geared to her age, but she really is just like you. looks like you even. and henrik, fuck, he is just like kasper. i wonder how i ended up with two kids and neither of them are like me at all. henrik is eight, and he's a good fucking kid. smarter than all get out and kinder even still.

you're going to love sarah. you'd probably steal her from me if you had been around. she has a theory about the detective in your comics, the one that is being turned into a show. she thinks that he is based on landon, but i said that landon isn't a detective. and she laughed at me. actually laughed at me. said that kassandra nilsson (nice by the way, i appreciate it) was in love with the detective long before they got together in the comics, which is her guess for you and landon. even if it is true, can you lie and say it's not so i am not horribly embarrassed that my wife knows more about my sister than i do?

i really have missed you, vi. i can't even begin to explain how much i have grieved our relationship. i hope to hear from you again soon. i've also added my phone number, if you'd like to call and talk to the kids. alora has an instagram account, she is only allowed to share art, but she asked that i pass on her username, she follows you. i love you, suvi.

all my love, nilsson (@wynterlanding)

[heartofholland]

tom recs <3

hi guys! here is a fic rec list i made of all the fics i’ve loved. personally, i consider myself an avid fic reader so i have read a shit ton of fics. these are just my highlights. let me know if you want more like this! and if you do end up reading any of these please make sure you REBLOG them to spread the goodness. these writers work their ass off and deserve all the credit in the world. enjoy! <3

SERIES

riding my by @worldoftom this fic is barely started but i love everything this writer puts out. very smutty, very hot. innocence kink check!

breaking curfew by @wazzupmrstark ASSHOLE TOM! my weakness. enemies to lovers but make it FWB. what I wish my summer camp was like instead of my thighs sticking to chairs and lice outbreaks.

eighteen by @angelic-holland corruption/innocence kink! basically all smut but damn do i want bad boy tom.

the situationship by @fairytelling can’t say enough about this fic. the definition of falling in love with your best friend. if my relationship isn’t like this i don’t want it.

happiness is a butterfly by @blissfulparker soft mob!tom and they’re forbidden soulmates! updates are WELL worth the wait!

i only feel you by @stuckonspidey the first time i read my watch thought i was working out for how high my heart rate was. shit keeps you on your toes. there is a sequel fic but just a heads up you will want to unstan tom on multiple occasions.

make me love you by @mrs-hollandstan frat boy player tom turned soft. mans does a whole 180. fuck dom.

perfidy by @peeterparkr couldn’t be more obsessed with this fic. they’re both so fucking stupid but too afraid to get hurt. also the social media posts are so fucking cute and crucial to the story 

eloped by @worldoftom getting married to tom in the most beautiful vacation spot? sign me the fuck up

you. by @txmhoelland i think there’s definely worse men to be set up with as a PR stunt.

erotas by @farfromparker i have definely read this fic for more days than i’ve been on this earth but every time i lose my goddamn mind

dare you to move by @starksparker-archive the best version of FWB tom is when you’re his roommate…

gone by @dahliaspidey this one… hurts. but i just know it will bounce back.

take me out by @angelic-holland warning this one is really dark. like serial killers. but it was so fascinating i am completely obsessed with the psychology of it all. jake is featured and please don’t imagine the mr. music the entire time like i did </3

single all the way by @heyhihellowhatsup0 i read this whenever i need a lil christmas pick me up

sweetener by @keepingupwiththeparkers cute awkward relationship. it is so real i feel like it could actually happen to me.

ex on the beach by @heyhihellowhatsup0 THE ANGST GIVES ME LIFE

SMUT

bartender by @t-o-m-holland tom happens to own your favorite bar. your subtle flirts aren’t working. the banter between reader and the fam makes me wish i didn't have social anxiety.

siren by @rosyparkers don’t get me wrong i will scream ACAB til the day i die but police officer tom could definitely get it.

best of three by @mrs-hollandstan one of the 3000 threesome fics i have saved. imagine not getting one of the hottest men but TWO.

roommates by @hollandbaby what a coincidence we both want to fuck each other! this checks all the kinks my man. i’ve read this probably no less than 100 times.  

that was that by @moorehollandplz dom!tom but something flips and he’s never been more gentle. mans got both sides of the playing field covered.

know your enemy by @angelic-holland short but sweet. hate sex is always hotter behind the scenes.

wasabi by @angelic-holland literally everything about alice is phenomenal but this is on of my faves. when i read this it makes me feel smarter. also body shots.

say good night by @madmadmilk this writers work never fails to blow me away but this time she managed to encapsulate my entire life. (minus the execution with a very hot and experienced best friend).

buwygf-ib by @hholyholland just ignore tomdaya for a sec and take in the hottest dom!tom i’ve ever witnessed.

cocky by @sykoxartist yeah he’s an asshole but he’s your asshole. at least that’s what he thinks.

sovereign by @farfromparker sub!tom is so hot. man will beg for DAYS.

summer vacation by @kidney9-9  when is hate sex ever like…. not hot as fuck?

ride by @tomhollandsstan face riding. period.

coincidence by @starshinebucky actor!reader and tom fuck… at least they’ll have good chemistry next time.

skin by @hollandbaby dom!tom is not ok with being a sub. unless it’s for you.

you can bet on it by @kiwi-bitchez all of this writers smut makes my pussy throb. this is my fave. just wait for the twist.

a rose blooms by @cornacopicimagines prince!tom drives me wild. but wait til he finds out you’re not a virgin.

begging by @raewritesfiction tom makes you beg for it.

self reflection by @stuckonspidey this is actual proof tom has a praise kink.

minor inconvenience by @angel-spidey toms an idiot but at least he can get you off.

flesh by @starshinebucky cocky tom kills me.

keeping him nice and warm by @marvelouspeterparker mob!tom the gif itself to sends me.

after hours by @cornacopicimagines never had sexual tension with a teacher but this will do.

ANGST

josslyn by @multiharlot messy situation but reader handles it like a champ. if your heart isn’t broken enough, the last line will make sure it’s unfixable for days on end.  

moral of the story by @kelieah listen to the song while you’re at it to make your cry sesh take a turn for the worst. 

cherry by @xoluvx this one hurts real bad. so does the song. 

a complicated love story by @samhollandssweaters an emotional rollercoaster for real.

he dies in the end by @allfandomxreader ignore the title and just cry your eyes out with me.

eighteen by @fancyxholland you’ll be confused why it’s in the angst category but trust me.

all the lies by @peteywillproceed getting cheated on but the girl is toms gf, how do you tell him. 

memories by @nycparkers i sob to this whenever i need a good cry. 

don’t be a fool by @nycparkers breakups that dont end messily make me so fucking jealous.

FLUFF

kiss currency by @madmadmilk borderline smut. confused and oblivious harrison. dialogue inspires me to talk to males.  

plank all over me by @waitimcomingtoo FILRTY TOM! THE BANTER! i really am a whore for well written dialogue. there’s additional parts but i won’t spoil.

 playing cupid by @marvelobsessedteenager you set everyone else up but wait a damn minute how did you forget about tom?

 little flirt by @webslinger-holland oh to flirt with tom while he’s sweaty from intensely dancing for the lip sync battle.

pour it out by @rhapsodyparker i don’t know what it is but famous!reader going on talk shows or having interviews and they ask the reader cheeky questions about tom might be one of my many kinks…

hubby by @t-holland2080 it’s the small things that make me want to bawl my eyes out for being so lonely.

going live by @redrebecca the dialogue makes me cry of happiness! tom doing a live (what a concept).

paddy’s crush by @tom-holland-is-spiderman jealous tom but of his younger brother.

 wannabe by @sailingintothenight the cliffhanger at the end demands a second part.

flawless by @missnxthingg  tom is a simp.

you and me by @sunshinehollandd best friend tom makes me soft.

dick appointments. web shooters. the duality of a man. by @porterporker  it gets a lil steamy but man is “web shooter” a funny name for a dick.

best day by @thollandss dad!tom gives me baby fever even though i am a virg.

 tom asks your dad by @blissfulparker can i just skip through the bad boyfriends and just marry the love of my life already.

baked chicken by @waitimcomingtoo there isn’t a category for awkward but if there was this would be in it.

lover boy by @starshinebucky  tom being so oblivious you like him that you need to call for backup.

afterglow by @wickedholland i wish someone would treat me like this when im drunk instead of leaving me to hold my own hair back.

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[paper-cuts-and-fresh-bruises]

Okay so I wanted to just write this all out before tomorrow because hadn’t considered this before (I’m a bit dumb), but I’ve realised there’s another option that supports the theory that the kiss is real between Nancy and Ace. So up until this point, if you’re like me, whether or not the kiss is real previously boiled down to two options - either it’s real and happens outside Nancy’s head or it’s not real and happens within Nancy’s head. But, I’ve realised there’s a third option that serves both, it can be real AND in Nancy’s head (or wherever the place she is that she’s lost in). I also happened to check on twitter and a few other’s have mentioned this possibility so I thought I’d just write out my version of it. 

This whole time we’ve thought it had to be one or the other but it actually makes sense with the third option. Think about it, last season when Ace got into that car accident his soul was dislodged from his body, what did the crew do? they did a ritual (or whatever it was actually called) and sent George in to get it back to him, which of course was successful. This time though, they’re trying to free Nancy from the Wraith, which as it turns out seems like it’ll require to send somebody in to navigate and be a strong enough anchor to hold on and pull her out. And who may you ask is both up for and best for the job? Ace!. And not just because I want him to but because it makes sense. George can’t go due to all that’s happened and how high risk it would be for her, and as Ace has said himself he knows her, for which I think the others wouldn’t argue especially because he could say “you did something like this for me once to save my life, now let me do it for Nancy”, or something along those lines which conveys that he’s not negotiating it being anyone other than him. Plus, Ace has proven that he’s smarter than some people think or recognise in giving him credit for.

Then as far as the kiss goes, my theory is when Ace finds her he’ll have to do something to break the hold that the Wraith has on Nancy: essentially rid her of her guilt, fears, and such at least just enough to bring her out, or at least make her realise she doesn’t have to hold those things over her head because she’s not a monster, she just makes mistakes is all and she’s a better person than she thinks. Which as part of that means facing what he’s been avoiding as well. Their feelings. The Wraith has attacked Nancy’s ability to tell Ace even at the bare minimum that not only does she like him, she like likes him, and possibly with Ace I think maybe he’s been trying to navigate that feeling of how he feels around Nancy, figuring out why he takes so much care with her, because he’s sweet like that, but by no means stupid. And at this point with the Wraith, they can’t just knock on the door, they have to bust it it off it’s hinges. So what does that mean? they’re going to go all out, show the Wraith that it has no power here, and overwhelm it. Which means going all in, sealing it nicely with a kiss. (Again as I have mentioned previously I’m not really going to go into it too much about the possible complications relating to the Bobbsey’s as a result of this, but maybe they’ll address it in the show, maybe Amanda will break it off before she leaves and give Ace a nod to Nancy, and as far as Gil is concerned he can say bye now; either way I’m sure it’ll be addressed in some way or hinted at)

The after effects of this I would like to see is Ace finding himself back, but maybe there’s a delay in Nancy’s return, like there’s at least a bit of time where she doesn’t respond or somethings happening and they have to watch, then when she all of a sudden regains herself, Ace just like rushes over to embrace her, holding her tight, or something nice at least. Then maybe, towards the end of the episode maybe there’s some awkward tension because obviously that happened, and no one else really knows in the crew even if maybe they can speculate. Also I’m still holding out on Nancy finding those words to share with Ace, but much like him we’re not going to rush her, it happens when it happens, but if there’s at least a hint about it, I’m good.

Onto a few random things, kinda spoiler kinda not really. 

So this image below as seen here (found on twitter, surprise surprise):

Shows Kennedy being handed what looks like a baby (or at least a doll one) for a scene that looks like it corresponds with the kiss scene. Whilst kinda odd, due to what we saw in the promo, Nancy is likely going back through moments of her life which hold significance, including her birth. Someone on twitter actually said this could be baby Nancy she’s holding, and whilst it seems strange and again awkward it makes sense, and Ace ending up here makes sense. He’ll figure out that this is where she’d be, that’s where to look. Also, I don't know if the scene will actually be at the cliffs or somewhere else. Shows often use different locations to make up one scene, so either she’s at the cliffs or somewhere else, either way I’m excited.

Any thoughts you have on this that you want to share, let me know. Other than that I gonna go obsess about tomorrow’s episode. (2x18 here we go!)

[somerpmemes]

Killing Eve S2 Starters

Change as needed

“I think I might’ve killed her.”

“Sorry, were you saving this seat for someone?”

“Oh my god, you think I’m a junkie.”

“This is your fault.”

“Do you know how to dispose of a body?”

“Stab wound. It’s really gooey.”

“Women don’t stab.”

“Sometimes when you love someone you will do crazy things.”

“Well, good news. I was fired!”

“Well, you certainly seem completely normal.”

“You’re really good at stealing,  you should do it more.”

“Tell me about your windows, ___. Tell me everything about them.”

“I fell off a horse.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s a waste of my time and yours.”

“You snore, you know.”

“It’s really bad. You look like a pizza.”

“You can see scary people a mile away, it’s the good people you have to worry about.”

“I mean, who do you even work for!?”

“Home? Is that really what you want? I mean, what do people do at home?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking… all day.”

“There’s no way out of this job. You need this, you can’t leave.”

“You can tell me anything but not telling me… I can’t do that.”

“I bought a shit ton of really expensive windows.”

“You really have changed.”

“No matter how rich and famous you are, you’ll always end up with your dick out on a slab.”

“So you’re not completely heartless.”

“This is how it works, we have to talk.”

“I don’t think he saw us.”

“Just pretend not to remember to hurt my feelings.”

“What do you know about psychopaths?”

“Let’s get this over and done with, shall we?”

“Stop it, ___. I can feel your excitement.”

“Don’t get all giddy and sing along to the radio in my car.”

“I think you’re going to bleed to death.”

“You know what? I’ve had a really shitty couple of days. And I really, really need to go to a doctor.”

“You’re on a very tight leash from now on.”

“Honestly it feels like I’m losing my mind a little bit.”

“Change the subject.”

“Why should I lie about this?”

“You still have something worth having. Don’t let her take it.”

“Look what happens to the people she loves. She’ll love you to death.”

“What did you do, did you murder someone?”

“This looks… delicious. What is it?”

“I’ll just masturbate onto this omelette then, I guess.”

“That doesn’t sound boring or discreet, does it?”

“You don’t need any help in the failure department from me.”

“Add it to the bill.”

“This is gonna be like pulling teeth.”

“You’d better put on something really slutty.”

“It’s gonna be so slutty, I promise.”

“You have a bit of fluff, can’t have that.”

“It sounds a bit manipulative.”

“You weren’t listening were you?”

“___, you are making a mistake.”

“This is a terrible hug.”

“I don’t normally get angry, ___, it makes me feel sleepy.”

“One cock-up is an accident, two cock-ups starts to look like carelessness.”

“She just won’t shut up about being vegan.”

“I’ll put your head in a box.”

“Don’t be a snub.”

“What’s with the shirt?”

“Seriously, do not go shopping on your own again.”

“What? It was free.”

“You could almost say it’s none of your business.”

“Pretty cowardly to get someone else to do your dirty work.”

“Coming home to this is not fun.”

“None of this is normal.”

“What do you mean ‘home’? Where is that exactly?”

“Try focusing on the job at hand.”

“This is taking ages.”

“It’s a computer, it’s not magic.”

“I think I once got a handjob in here.”

“Do you ever not talk about sex?”

“God, this is disgusting.”

“Did you drop this?”

“It’ll be easier if you come with me.”

“What do you think he’s saying?”

“I don’t think anything would work.”

“Did you know babies literally steal the calcium from your teeth?”

“Let’s put a hit out on me!”

“You are joking? I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“___, it’s a crazy idea!”

“Yeah that’s weird, ‘cause it is. It is your job.”

“You’re being very sneaky, ___.”

“You chose THAT photo!?”

“You used to be smarter than this.”

“Your trousers are rather tight these days.”

“I always worry about being crushed under one of these. They don’t seem stable, do they?”

“Well, this is flattering.”

“You know it’s very brave, what you’re doing.”

“No guts, no glory, right?”

“Don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

“That’s a little arrogant, don’t you think?”

“You’ve been so distracted lately I thought you forgot about me.”

“Are you scared?”

“You know, I should be more afraid of you.”

“I’m about to be in mourning.”

“You know I’m here to kill you?”

“Of course it isn’t poison!”

“I’m expensive.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“It’s always a weapon.”

“I got you what you wanted. A thank you would be nice.”

“You are just take, take, take.”

“You look like someone stuck a mustache on some fudge.”

“Do you want me to love you or do you want me to frighten you?”

“This feels like a one-night stand.”

“I was up all night, trying to work out why I felt so unbelievably shitty and sad.”

“You wouldn’t have understood.”

“Don’t ask me to stay. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Don’t leave me alone!”

“I can’t stand breakfast. It’s just constant eggs. Why? Who decided?”

“There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.”

“Have you come here to yell at me?”

“You’re not yelling but it feels like you’re yelling.”

“You do know what I do, right?”

“Do I get a watch with a laser in it?”

“Nothing a B.J. and a compliment won’t fix, in my experience.”

“I don’t think a B.J. will help.”

“You will never understand how much harder it is to be nice, and normal, and decent than it is to be like you.”

“I wish I was better. A better person.”

“It’s hard. But it gets easier.”

“Don’t speak to me like that, ___. I like you, but I don’t like you that much.”

“The only thing that makes you interesting is me.”

“I have real trouble telling the truth.”

“Most of the time… most days I feel… nothing.”

“I hurt myself, it doesn’t hurt. I buy what I want, I don’t want it. I do what I like, I don’t like it. I’m just so bored.”

“Why do rich people talk like children?”

“I wanted to be helpful.”

“I dread to think where you’ll be happy, ___.”

“Ignore him, he’s an asshole.”

“You ask a lot of questions. You seem to have the mind of a five year old.”

“People will eat anything if you cut it thin enough and put hot sauce on it.”

“You don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not?”

“I feel things when I’m with you.”

“I don’t like eavesdroppers.”

“That’s a little presumptuous.”

“Send me a text when you’re finished or otherwise I’ll worry that you’ve been murdered or something.”

“I don’t like rich men.”

“Your little plan seems to be working.”

“I’m running out of good safe words.”

“Wow. You’re a hoarder.”

“You always look so annoyed to see me.”

“I see you got what you wanted.”

“What is this? Razor wire?”

“Why do I need a safe word?”

“I’m here for work.”

“How much of the day do you spend thinking about her?”

“Do you feel unsafe?”

“It has to be perfect. There is no point if it isn’t perfect.”

“You’ll be bored.”

“You look like a painting. You’re so… still.”

“Do you ever get lonely?”

“Are you going to listen all night?”

“You should let yourself go once in a while.”

“Listen I really don’t need to talk about this.”

“What a weird-looking gentleman.”

“I played dead, the hero’s technique.”

“Let’s go, now.”

“You’ll never get bored here. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Do you think I would kill you, ____?”

“This can’t be for nothing.”

“None of it means anything.”

“You think you’d be fine without me?”

“If I get shot I want you to remember that it is your fault.”

“If you see anything scary just leave, okay? Don’t be brave.”

“Best to make a swift exit when things get complicated.”

“You did exactly what you wanted. This is all your idea.”

“She wouldn’t do the same for you.”

“You can’t be on her side and ours.”

“You’ve got a noose on your neck. I’m offering to take it off.”

“I’m risking a lot to save your ass here.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“God, you’re such a drama queen.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.”

“I bet your kids are ugly.”

“You’re not scared are you?”

“I don’t get scared.”

“They will take you apart for this.”

“Do you know the way out of here?”

“Do you think if we died down here anybody would notice?”

“You’ll feel better soon. I’ll look after you.”

“You want me to be a mess. You want me to be scared.”

“This is what you wanted.”

[sideofmango]

Can you do HCs of Shinsou, Amajiki, Bakugo; teen!Aizawa with a South African s/o who has people saying some annoying comments to her just bc she's from Africa. Like someone says that they're sorry that she struggled with poverty (girl is from a super wealthy family that can buy their family), or say some gibberish with clicks and asks her to translate (s/o can speak five languages: English, Zulu, Xhosa, Afrikaans, and Japanese; understand others. Xhosa has clicks). They ask her if she had...

cont’d request: Pt.II - to hunt for her food (Umm, no. Cape Town has supermarkets and she knows what pizza and Japanese food is, guys). Someone just can't believe that South Africa has TV and internet, while s/o literally has a cell phone with all of the social media and has friends/family from South Africa. When class is over, someone asks why isn't she wearing "African" clothes (bc Africa is country, not a continent) when s/o is just wearing basic clothes. People be stupid.

“Don’t Be Stupid” - Headcannon for Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, and teen!Aizawa

Hey! Thanks for requesting! Hope this is okay :)

Pairings: Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, teen!Aizawa x reader Pronouns: she/her Warnings: ignorance, cursing

Hitoshi didn’t really give a flying fuck about what others thought, mainly because most of the time people didn’t even want to be around him because of his “villain quirk”

But just because he didn’t care what they thought about him, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fuck somebody up if they messed with you

Shinsou is a quiet guy for the most part, but he was super perceptive

So when he heard that the little ballsack haired toddler from class 1-A was spreading rumors about you, he was angry

You had no problem explaining to people about your home country of South Africa, especially if they asked nicely

But one day when you were walking past Class 1-A when school had just ended, intent on meeting your boyfriend outside to go walk to the park together, you heard Mineta spewing shit about you and South Africa

“Yeah they’re a bunch of savages over there! They literally hunt for food with spears and everyone is poor and they use goats as money.” Mineta said

You stood by the door to see what they were going to say before you chimed in and told them what South Africa was actually like.

“Mineta that’s literally cap and you know it.” Kaminari chimed in with a roll of his eyes. 

He had been spending so much time around you and Shinsou that he started even using your slang unconsciously.

It made you smile a bit.

“Kaminari you’re dumb as rocks. How would you know?” Mineta defended himself.

“Anyways, apparently because they’re so poor they steal a lot too. Maybe that’s why my jacket went missing after I was around (y/n)...Like I said they’re a bunch of savages, she probably doesn’t know any better.” 

Now it was time for you to chime in. 

“Why the fuck would I want your ratty ass jacket anyway? I don’t steal and that’s not what South Africa is like. Denki knows because I told him about it. I’m not poor, I just don’t flaunt my wealth, and if you really want to know I could buy your entire family with my own net worth.” You remarked, crossing your arms over your chest with a huff.

Bakugou sat in the corner watching the whole exchange with a small smirk on his face...he enjoyed confrontation too much.

“Oh and we do have supermarkets where we buy our food from.” You add as an after thought. “If you wanted to know about South Africa, you should’ve just asked like a normal person instead of spewing shit. Have a nice day.” You left the classroom after that a smile growing on your face as you heard Kaminari and Kirishima scold Mineta for talking shit behind your back.

Yeah...that was the last time he did that because after Shinsou heard what happened he found Mineta the next day and threatened him so bad he peed his diaper.

Tamaki was a pretty reserved guy and when you two began dating it surprised mostly everyone because you two were so different

Honestly, Tamaki literally looked at you like a goddess and it annoyed him when people were just plain ignorant

Usually when he was annoyed he would rant to you about it or Mirio or Nejire, and then he would go sit in a corner blushing about how he feared he was oversharing

PLS HE’S SO CUTE

um...N E WAYS...

You had been a transfer into the class when they were second years after your father decided to expand his international company to Japan, meaning you had to leave your home in South Africa

You were upset at first but you quickly made friends with the Big Three and Leonardo Subarashi, who was also from South Africa. 

So it came as a surprise when one of your friends, Tsuki Vinsmoke started talking shit about your homeland even when two of her friends were from there

“They literally live in huts with dirt floors. Maybe that’s why they’re so dirty and poor.” Tsuki laughed with two of her bitch friends, standing right near you

You turned to look at her with a frown on your face, practically daring her to say something else.

“I don’t even know how those two got here. They don’t even have phone service over there.”

“Hey (y/n)?” She said a little louder, as you turned around again, placing your pencil down and momentarily ignoring your school work.

“What Tsuki?”

“Why don’t you wear African clothes? Like those weird scarves and cloths or whatever? Are you ashamed that you came from dirt poor people? I would be.” Tsuki wore a nasty smile on her face as her eyes seemed to sparkle with malice.

“There’s no such thing as African clothes Tsuki. People wear the same clothes here that they do in South Africa...why would I be ashamed of such a culturally rich homeland? I’m proud to be South African, and besides I’d suggest you do some research before you start talking to me about being poor, especially since I’m way richer than you.” You gave a fake sincere smile before glancing over at Tamaki and your friends who gave you a thumbs up as if to say Destroy her.

So you did...in the end you got sent to Principal Nezu’s office after you made her cry and she lied to your teacher saying you had threatened her life like a dirty savage

Tamaki had to hold you back with some help from Mirio before you decked her

Nezu didn’t really care and gave you a donut from the order that had been in his office before sending you back to class

Needless to say, Tsuki got suspended for being racist and perpetuating a hateful environment in the classroom and nobody else messed with you, not even her little friends who sucked up to you after Tsuki went on suspension.

Why would anyone even bother saying stupid shit about you when you were just as hot headed as your explosive boyfriend? I don’t know, but they did

Of course everyone from class 1-A was smart enough not to start anything, but it seems Monoma wasn’t as smart

The annoying overly entitled blonde from class 1-B, had started out by asking you simple questions about your homeland, things like:

“What’s it like there?”, “Is it always sunny?”, “Have you seen a rhino or lion before?”

Then they started getting kind of ignorant and annoying.

“Hey (y/n)? Can you speak African?”

“No Monoma because Africa is a continent made up of many countries, each with their own languages.” You explained, wasn’t he supposed to be smart? “What are you doing Monoma?” You asked, with a raised eyebrow as he started to make strange noises at you.

“Shit for Brains, leave us the fuck alone.” Bakugou grumbled from beside you after he finished chewing his food. 

“It’s you language right? Can you understand what I said?”

“No dumbfuck. You sounded like a dolphin.” You remarked as a few of your friends laughed lightly. 

“I’m surprised you understand...I heard your people aren’t very smart...you know products of their environment, it’s unfortunate really. I’m sorry that you lived in such poverty, but you should consider yourself lucky, now you get to live in dorms and sleep in a real bed and not on a dirt floor.” Monoma went on and on and you were growing increasingly annoyed as you friends sat there in shocked silence.

“You know what Monoma?” You said with a fake smile as you spun around. “I’ve never met anyone as ignorant and stupid as you. I’m not poor and I never was, I slept in a real bed with an actually comfortable mattress unlike the ones here, and I much smarter than you ever will be I speak five fucking languages and I can understand more than that in others. Would you like me to tell you to fuck off in another language since you can’t seem to understand Japanese?” You asked as you raised your eyebrows with your arms crossed over your chest, as if waiting for his answer. 

He stayed silent. 

“That’s what I thought. Maybe you are smart after all?” You added teasingly, watching him be dragged back to his table by Kendo.

Shota Aizawa never really had many friends, usually more laidback than others were comfortable with, but the ones he did have were the complete opposites of him

Hizashi and Shirakumo were loud pranksters, while you and Midnight were talkative and enjoyed messing with him.

Most of the time he ignored the pigheaded bully that was Sensoji, because he usually only picked on Shota, but when Sensoji realized that you were Aizawa’s real weakness, he started to hound you.

And Shota was NOT having that

It all came to a head after he battled against Shota during a training session.

“Your useless just like your quirk Aizawa.” Sensoji sneered at your boyfriend, glaring down at him. 

“Your nothing but a waste of space.” Sensoji added seeing the way that his insults didn’t really phase Shota.

“Hey leave him alone! What is wrong with you!” You intervened pushing the broad shouldered boy away from Shota.

“What are you that weak that you need your little safari ass backwoods girlfriend to save your ass?” Sensoji laughed along with one of his equally stupid Class 1-B classmates.

“Don’t fucking talk about her!” Shota yelled back, his eyes glowing as if it was a warning.

“Or what? It’s not like she’ll understand? People like her back in her country of Africa are stupid as fuck. They build their homes out of oversized tin cans and they don’t even have phones.” 

“Sensoji you’re the stupid one! Africa is... A CONTINENT NOT A COUNTRY!” Hizashi jumped in, activating his quirk halfway through his sentence.

“And they don’t live in tin cans.” Midnight added.

“I live in a nice home, one that’s probably bigger than yours. Just admit that you’re jealous of Shota and me and move on!” You pressed your finger into his chest on each word, glaring at him as if to say say something else and see what happens.

“Grow up!” Shota and Shirakumo added before Sensoji rushed away when he saw the teachers coming over to see what you all were arguing about.

“Yeah that’s what I thought! Run away like a little bitch!” You added with a growing smile.

“Language (y/n)!” Your teacher scolded, but even that couldn’t bring down your smile as you, your boyfriend, and your friends laughed about the incident.

You all still even joked about it years later.

TAGS:

[lenacker]

Lovebirds

Summary: Captain Levi and Petra’s skill in titan-killing was definitely admirable but romance-wise? They’re just idiots. Erd was definitely much smarter than them combined. And he spent about 17 years to realize he’s in love with his childhood bestie.

Word Count: 1336

FFN | AO3

For two of supposedly the best soldiers in Survey Corps, Petra and Captain Levi were unreasonably dumb. Just a couple of idiots. Like, seriously. Assessing the battlefield and taking actions accordingly? Easy-peasy. Piece of cake.

Realizing they consider each other as more than superior officers and subordinates?

Nah.

Petra has been crushing on Captain for as long as Erd remembers. It’s not even a secret. Probably Captain Levi was the only one who didn’t know because, as he said before, he’s very dumb romance-wise. Petra went from a ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ hardcore fan to a disappointed fan (because he’s not as great as she thought-short and irritating), to just fell freely in love. If he got a coin for every time she mentions Captain in her sentences, he would be super-rich. Wait- that could be a fun dare for their next Friday night truth or dare!

She’s a very nice girl (woman, she definitely would scold him if he calls her girl once more. I’m a full-grown woman, Erd! Stop treating me like a teenage girl!) but her nice-ness increased tenfold for their very pleasant captain. She said he’s unapproachable, but she’s always the one who approaches him whenever he’s in one of his ‘you’re all so stupid, a waste of space and I don’t know why I agreed to take you little shits as my squad’ mood.

Every morning, she makes tea for all of the squad members - but with the captain’s preference. Black tea, with all its amazing earthy aroma, with a dash of sugar. She pours it to each cup (With your stupid manly egos, we would run out of the tea stock within a week! Not you, sir.), starting with the Captain’s of course so it’s warm and nice, and fresh.

If Erd doesn’t know them better, he’d say they have a secret-lover-rendezvous almost every night. They talk in his office until late at night, accompanied by another pot of tea and Captain’s stack of paperwork. He’s more of a hit-and-kill person rather than a sit-and-write person, and though he’s not gonna admit it out loud, Petra’s gift in writing and her diligence is about the only reason he can keep up with his paperwork.

There’s no way to know what else happened behind closed doors, but they never show any weird behavior or something like crumpled clothes, hickeys (and honestly it’s really hard to imagine the clean freak captain Levi doing not-so-clean activities).

Anyway, despite her obvious feeling to their superior, she’s surprisingly professional about it. She didn’t suddenly become a flustered-girl-in-love around the Captain, still the same fiery, determined, hard-working Petra.

Due to her smaller stature and different gender than everyone in the squad, when they first train together, Captain Levi tends to give her less or easier job and workout sets. To say Petra was angry was … an understatement. She felt insulted, confronts him and some riot ensues, and honestly, it’s still a mystery to him how the Captain managed to gain Petra’s respect back.

(Gotta investigate it! What a saucy subject, maybe he can ask Hange about it later)

On the contrary, Captain Levi was the one less professional about his feelings. He either sends Petra to the least dangerous condition possible or the closest to him so he could save her anytime. Not that Petra needs it that often anyway.

He talked to her with almost-affectionate (and by almost he means almost non-distinguishable), lower tone. Erd couldn’t even remember the last time he cussed her out, and he hung out with them pretty often. That's a huge thing, considering the intimidating man’s tendency to call people shitty-[noun] and using potty language as daily conversation.

Also, he’s suddenly a bit more chatty to her? Maybe Petra's friendliness started to affect him. Erd was the second-in-command, yet his interaction with his superior mostly consisted of strategies, formations, and a lot of ‘Erd, you’re in command’ with his classic cold, demanding tone. Oluo was often too scared to talk to him and Gunther was naturally silent.

But with Petra, the Captain could say not really necessary, trivial things like “Petra, you should write to your parents more often, they don’t live forever”, or “Do you think Erwin is in a good mood, I’d like to ask him for a new cleaning supplies fund“, or “Petra, brew the tea exactly 4 minutes to get the best taste”

Well, maybe that last two examples were important.

He wondered how much more time they needed to realize their mutual feelings. Erd himself took about 17 years to admit he considered Emily more than a childhood bestie. That’s bad enough. But he definitely was better at romance-field than both Captain Levi and Petra, for he knows their feelings more than they do. God knows how many years it will take before they become more than superior officers and subordinates.

Hmmm. Maybe they just need a little push. Or a lot.

-

Erd walked into the hall, it was the middle of the night and he’s hungry. He still had some food from his latest visit home, but he absolutely hates eating alone. Maybe there’s someone there he could share with. He basically knew everyone in the Survey Corps, so it didn’t really matter who that was.

Oh, actually it does matter.

There they are, the two lovebirds. You know, because they’re small and good at ‘flying’. They’re in that state where Petra gave the Captain his cup of tea and they just stare at each other’s eyes for 4 seconds too long. Erd cleared his throat.

“Good night, fellow insomniac soldier! Captain.”

Captain Levi just nodded his head slightly, Petra smiled.

“Hi, Erd. Why aren’t you sleeping? Missing the missus?”, she took two more cups, setting them side to side to pour the tea in.

“I always miss her, but that’s not why I can’t sleep. I’m starving, but can’t eat these chips alone so I’m looking around for eat-mates!”

Captain put his cup down (Erd still didn’t understand why he held the cup that way. Just training his fingers’ strength?), “Just don’t let the disgusting grease stain my papers”

“Done!” Who wanted to get near the paperwork anyway? Definitely not Erd. “You want some, Petra?”

She just grinned sheepishly, pointing the paper near her with a tilt of her head, “Sorry, don’t wanna stain them”

Ah, that’s a bummer. He really wanted to have at least an eat-mate.

“You sure? It’s divine, you know. Remember the curry you liked last time? These taste similar but better”

She shakes her head once more.

“I could feed you?” He’s really desperate now, he really needed to eat!

Oh. Maybe that’s not a good idea. If looks could kill, he would be dying right here, on the dirty floor by the scary Captain’s look. Alright. No more making that man jealous then.

Petra, oblivious of the shorter man’s reaction because she focused on stirring the two cups without spilling any drop of tea, just pouted, “Erd, I’m not a child! You don’t need to feed me! Just sit here and eat while we chat and do paperwork. Better than eating alone on your bed, right?”

Hmm, maybe. But he didn’t wanna spoil their moments together. So he just acted disappointed, with his best shoulder-slump and kicked puppy look.

“I guess I’ll just go back to bed hungry then, you guys are no fun. Good night Petra, Captain”

His steps towards his bedroom stopped by the Captain’s cold voice,

“Oi”

Erd turned back, “Yes, Captain?”

“Take over the training tomorrow. I need to go take care of something Sina.”

“Oh, okay, sir. You wanna take Petra with you?”

And accidentally get into a scenario where you two realize your feelings or are forced to sleep in one bed?

“Huh? Why would I take Petra? You want some time off, Petra? You should just tell me.”

See? He’s too caring!

“No, sir! I’m completely fine!”

“Okay, I’ll brief you all later. We probably get a new puny member soon”

A/N : This turned out about 3 times longer than I thought it would, writing Erd is a lot of fun!

[damn-stark]

One Last Time

Oliver Wood x Hufflepuff!reader

Requested by anon “hi!!!! can you please do oliver wood x reader and the the reader is a triwizard champion instead of cedric and since oliver has graduated he comes back to watch her and is really really sad when she dies? thank u!”

A/N-why? Why? I love it though, hope you all do too!

Warning- Violence, talks of death, angst, fluff and sadness….

———-

In the disarray of the clouded and final eventful game that was going to take place, you paced around in the tent. Feeling attacked by your own nervous thoughts, tuning out every sound around and blocking every pacing competitor that was as nervous, or even more so than you. In that mayhem albeit literally bumping into the man that had been also occupying your thoughts and the only one that could break you from your stupor.

“Oliver!” You exclaimed happily as you threw your arms around his neck and felt his wrap around your waist to return the sudden welcoming hug. “You’re here! I thought you weren’t going to come.”

Oliver pulled away to show his sly grin, “Of course I’d be here to support my favorite girl.”

You giggle and step on the tip of your toes to give him a small peck on his lips. “For good luck.”

“Well in that case.” He smiles, moving to share another, but stopping once Dumbledore instructs everyone to walk out. In that instant once more feeling the gut wrenching feeling reappear, but finding more comfort as your boyfriend Oliver took your hand in his to accompany you out.

Hearing the upbeat music playing outside and the excited cheers and chants sang by the students the further you walked out. Getting blinded by the light of the bright scenery once you finally all step out and see the buzzing crowd, finally feeling giddy as you heard your name from your fellow Hufflepuff classmates; feeling thrilled and inspired as you noticed posters with your name written on it’s yellow material, friends that you would see for the last time with your name painted on their foreheads. You waved and grinned wider at all of them, holding onto Oliver’s hand tighter as Dumbledore's voice boomed around the crowd and silenced them with his announcement.

“Earlier today, Professor Moody placed the Triwizard Cup deep within the maze. Only he knows it’s exact position. Now as Miss, L/N…” Oliver at the sound of your name rose your hand and the crowd roared in excitement, just as they did when Harry Potter's name was announced. “...and Mr. Potter tied for first position, they will be the first to enter the maze, followed by Mr.Krum and Miss Delcour. First person that touches the cup will be the winner! I’ve instructed the staff to patrol the perimeter should at any point a contestant wish to withdraw from the task. He or she only need to send up red sparks with their wands.” Dumbledore turns around to address all of you playing. “Contestants gather around, quickly!”

Doing so with no hesitation you walk up and hear his words of caution. “In the maze, you’ll find no dragons, or creatures of the deep. Instead you’ll face something even more challenging. You see people change in the maze. Oh, find the cup if you can, but be very wary, you could lose yourselves along the way.” With that said he lets you turn back and finally go back to Oliver’s side to share an unknowingly last interaction.

“Good luck out there.” He says, cupping one cheek. “And know that whatever happens I’ll still be proud of you.”

You smile warmly and feel tears prickle at the corner of your eyes, “okay. I love you, Oli.”

“I love you too.” He responds back before pulling you into one last final goodbye before you turned around, offering Harry a small and nice smile. Beginning to feel your nerves pick up but suddenly disappear as the cannon sounded signifying that it was time.

Which this time you did hesitate just a little to walk into the dark ominous maze, hearing no sounds of what was before inside, almost as if you had been transported somewhere else completely. Wanting almost just to be pulled back out by the sudden isolating and terrified feeling the overcame your entire body; and only grew the deeper you needed to continue regardless, avoiding the rustling of the leaves and howling of the wind; startled by the sudden collapse of the maze walls that seemed to want to swallow you inside its depths, cutting you with its sharp branches and tugging your arms. Making you let out a pained and loud groan that lasted until you stopped fighting and ripped out of its hold.

“Blimey.” You breathed out as you caught your breath and studied the fogged covered area. Finding no solace in the silence however as you heard within the walls, or above, or everywhere around the voice of the only person you had in your life.

“Y/N! Help me!”

You gasp and your eyes widen horror, “Oliver! Oliver where are you?!”

It sounded again in a much more traumatic, pained wail. “Y/N! Help me! I’m over here! Help me.”

Without thinking your mind clouded with the only priority now, hearing your thumping heart be the only sound to echo around as you began to race towards the cries for help, feeling tears race down your cheeks.

All of it suddenly blowing away as you crashed into Victor Krum. “Sorry, I—” you cut your words off as you took note of his cloudy eyes and contorted expression, walking back and turning to run away as his wand raised in front of you.

Whilst also concluding as realization hit with the sudden more fearful act that what you heard was nothing but a trick. The maze wanting you to lose your goal in finding the cup, just like Krum—but unlike the maze’s trick you were smarter to outbeat the player chasing you, losing him in a sharp turn that only led you moments later to Harry Potter and Krum. His goals undying and your warning and attack quicker. “Get down! Expelliarmus!”

In a hasty move you ran forward kicked away Krum's wand and tempted to attack him once more until Harry Potter stopped you, hearing in the distance a soft hum that made Harry and you suddenly break into a run. Tugging one another back as you both raced each other towards the sound of the cup; captivated in a sudden awe as the cup came to view that seconds later made Harry and you start racing again in a much more violent way. Feeling your heart jolt in excitement and then sudden surprise as you’re pulled down by growing sharp vines, unable to fight its hold as it grows stronger and more painful as it intents to drag you into the depths of the maze grew.

You clawed the dirt and called to Harry while your life flashed before your eyes. Only wanting to be saved now instead of wanting to win. “Harry! Harry! Harry!”

“Reducto!”

A bright flash flew past you, hitting and loosening one of the vines until Harry came and set you loose. Letting you catch your breath after he helped you off the ground.

“Thank you Harry.”

Said boy quickly answered with the same kindness. “No problem.”

“For a moment there,” you breathed, “I thought you were going to let it get me.”

“So did I.” He admitted.

“Some game, huh?”

“Some game.” Harry repeated. Both of your attentions ripped away as high winds began to blow and the walls began to cave in. Forcing the both of you to finish the maze and get to the cup in a faster pace until you came to a sudden halt before the cup; your eyes glancing from the glowing object, the maze and Harry one last time to insist him to take it for what he did to help you moments before. Something he didn’t take and fought against you until he came with a solution to grab it together. A choice that caused you to be swept away in a blink of an eye and get dropped in some place dark.

You stayed on the ground for a moment to catch your breath one last time, noticing the cup was out of your grasp and Harry remained close—“Are you okay?”

Harry nodded, “yeah. You?”

Standing up you notice all the stone statues, daring you to ask and avoid the previous question, “where are we?”

Was this some last task?

“I’ve been here before.” Harry muttered a couple feet away.

Wondering to the cup you realize with a grin. “It’s a port key. Harry the cup is a port key—”

“I’ve been here before in a dream.” Harry repeated in a more panicked tone. “Y/N we have to head back to the cup, now!”

Your amusement falls and you turn to offer him a narrowed gaze. “What are you talking about?”

A creek sounds from one of the small stone houses and Harry suddenly begins to scream in agony. Causing you to instinctively check up on him, “Harry what is it?”

“Get back to the cup!” He yelled again as a small round dirty man walked out with something in its arms, sending you on high alert and a quick defensive stance with your wand in hand.

“Who are you? What do you want?!” You bellowed, hearing a raspy command shortly after.

“Kill the spare!”

Before you could do anything, before you could fight back or block anything, words you never thought you would hear screamed out, “Avada Kedavra!” The spell shooting out and hitting your chest so strongly that it sent you flying back and taking the life out of you in a flash of a second.

Such a spell not even letting you experience none of what you heard happens during someone’s death; no flashes of your sad lonely beginning, nor memories of your happy school years that brought you to meet friends you thought would get to see forever, or Oliver, the man you would grow to love. Nothing happened but a sudden cold end.

A death that led you to experience one last real memory that let you feel light-weight, ready to ask one last verbal question to the boy that had been by you when the darkness of death came. “Harry. Take my body back will you. Take my body back to Oliver.”

Harry’s eyes went to you and he nodded, making you smile and later help him one last time before nothing.

(Oliver’s p.o.v)

It had been so long, felt like years since he last saw you disappear into the maze to be left with nothing but anxious wait. Only feeling relieved and excited hours later as something flashed and two bodies dropped to the ground.

Harry and you.

Oliver grinned and cheered with excitement at your success, embracing his friends in a happy hug with a happy grin spreading on his lips. A gesture that turned grim as the music and cheering soon thereafter stopped and people began to crowd the two bodies he saw come back. Hearing gasps, murmurs and screams echoing around the crowd that made him realize something that made his heart feel as if it had stopped.

Quickly he pushed through the crowd and ran down the stairs to run towards the huddled crowd. “Let me through! Let me through!”

A chilling gasp escaped as he finally saw your lifeless body splayed on the ground with Harry’s body weeping on top and Dumbledore trying to comfort him until he saw Oliver and heard his mutters that turned into cries.

“No! No! Y/N?!” Oliver fell on his knees and cupped your cheeks, feeling his uncontrollable, hot tears fall on your face as he rested his forehead on yours. “Please, please come back. Y/N?! Baby.” Letting out a pained cry that seemed to echo for miles he followed by cradling your body and kissing your lips one last time, speaking to your cold body just as sweetly as before. One last time.

“Please, please. I love you….please…”

[moontheoretist]

I am watching What IF...?

Episode 1: What if... Captain Carter were the First Avenger?

You know... when I saw that it started from the breach in Captain America timeline and saw Peggy become a super soldier, I was pretty sure that Steve will resent her for what she did, because his portrayal in the First Avenger movie even before the serum indicated that he would be, just like he was of Bucky for being drafted while he was left behind. It’s canon behavior for him as far as I noticed.

What If..?’s Steve however is a better man. I dunno when exactly he changed, but he did. He doesn’t act as if he resented Peggy, and he seems quite ok with how everything turned out. Which is like, wow, I didn’t expect that. Also, Peggy has a far better story as Captain.

Like, she isn’t put into USO, she is denied being a soldier even, because she is a woman, the only thing she seems to share with Captain America is murdering punching bags and throwing stuff when angry, which is kinda a bad sign, but ok, everybody needs coping mechanisms. ANYWAY, when she learns where Hydra went, she quickly figured out what they were after, but the guy in charge (John Flynn), the same one who told her that she is a woman not a soldier, doesn’t want to send her there even though they still have a chance to get it back in time. So Howard steps in and her whole rebellion against the military is about not endangering everybody with a stupid ass decision made by a general who doesn’t get how important the cube is, instead of about saving just one man and accidentally saving 400 others by extension by literally going AWOL and endangering his friends like MCU Steve did. Everything about the mission which makes her recognized is about retrieving the Tesseract. And Howard gives her a uniform and a shield to do just that. All in British colors, because American military sucks.

(I love their “she just reaped the bars out, holy shit” faces xD)

AND THEN they go SAVE BUCKY. That makes much more sense story wise. And also Howard is showing Steve that technology can aid him when the serum now can’t, because Peggy is the super soldier instead, literally building better foundations for Steve’s attitude towards technology and the future. He will not be stuck in ice and come back for the Avengers, but at least he is getting better development not only in relation to this topic, but also to his hatred towards his body and his masculinity. Peggy still wanting him despite him being small and frail and now also disabled even more after he was shot and has to walk with a cane, literally builds in Steve the idea that his masculinity is not weak or bad, because he is not a macho muscly type and that his body isn’t something which he should hate or which makes him less than others. AND he is literally Tony now! I did suspect that the technology he got was a suit, but damn, is Steve in this universe fated to be the first Iron Man and then Tony second?

Lol, they named him “Hydra Stomper”.

And now Peggy teaches Steve the most important lesson “the Suit is nothing without the man inside”, which he as much as Tony needed to learn to finally feel free and not less than the others, because they rely on something. The only difference between Steve and Tony here is that Iron Man without Tony is truly nothing, because he made it, while Steve's suit was given to him, so anybody can technically pilot it. Anyway, I like this Steve so much more than MCU one.

(Which when I think about it now creates a pothole in the later part of the episode. Like why Hydra and Red Scull let the suit hanging instead of use it against Peggy? Why put Steve in chains next to it? It kinda looks like damseling him for literally no reason. I wonder why they didn’t kill him right away? Because what? Because he had blonde hair and blue eyes? Or what? Scull liked him? And we cannot even say it was done for the sake of Peggy saving him, because Peggy never sees Steve in chains. She went the other way, so why is he there? To save for whom? Bucky? It would be more logical if Red Scull just killed Steve and put the suit himself and fought Peggy in it to hurt her. Then at least space squid wouldn’t kill him, lol... ah wait. OH, yeah, Tesseract was inside the suit, so he just took it out. Still, he could power up the suit with something else and put one of his people inside to fight Peggy anyway, just in case she came for him).

AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO TRAGICALLY DIE WHEN I FINALLY STARTED LIKING THE WEASEL! LOL, we know what will happen next. He will become the new Winter Soldier, I suppose? If he survived the explosion.

Oh, they brought the original castle storyline back! It never appeared in the Captain America: The First Avenger, even though I personally remember a castle being a main stage for the whole “Steve sacrificed himself prelude” thing, so it’s nice to have a castle and an interdimensional portal back, instead of a plane battle.

“I am up for anything, but this is crazy”.

“And so is Steve Rogers”

Me: *wheezing*

Anyway, he survived. There is no Winter Soldier in this universe and Peggy gets lost in the portal, and she is brought back to 2012 by I suspect Project Pegasus as it is the “Loki’s arrival” scene.

I think that now, if we assume that everybody else is still present in this universe, meaning that Tony became Iron Man and all, Steve becoming a Hydra Stomper and working with Peggy gave Captain Carter an experience in fighting alongside someone in a metal suit. Plus her friendship with Howard means that she won’t have any bad disposition towards Tony and hence Avengers team will actually work better, and if there is Civil War it would be different and about something else, because Captain Carter knows her way around learning political related stuff, so she wouldn’t really kick Accords in the ass unless it was a Hydra plot. I also suppose that without her making Project Paperclip, Hydra would not infiltrate SHIELD, or someone else does that, and Captain Carter would notice something is not right with SHIELD, and she would root the Hydra out herself.

Also, I wanna point out that the scene in which Peggy is shown to be “smarter than Howard” is there only to establish the difference between her and MCU Steve Rogers, who doesn’t know shit about technology. It’s not that Howard isn’t smart anymore. He is a civilian, who is not a brawling type, in a room with a huge octopus which crushed Red Scull like a wooden stick. It stands to reason that he would be panicked enough to not be able to articulate properly. It also establishes that no “it runs on some kind of electricity” will happen in this universe during the Avengers storyline, where she ends by the end of the episode. It comes out a little out of the blue, that’s true, but this is not a line which only “genius” or “science type” can say. It’s just a typical sci-fi approach to the problem with anything, which also sounds smart at the same time. She could even take it out from a sci-fi novel. But I agree that they didn’t establish where that knowledge comes from in any of the previous scenes.

Episode 2: What if... T’Challa became a Star-Lord?

Lol, a vastly different reaction xD

And this was the moment when young T’Challa thought, “who needs to tell their baba that they’re going into space, anyway?” and just went and disappeared. I don’t even wanna know what Wakanda did after the prince vanished. Though it means that Shuri can become a queen and the Black Panther now, HELL YEAH!

And this is the proof that anybody who says that we have to murder someone else to “save the planet” from overpopulation is wrong. (Because they are wrong, just go and check studies about that). T’Challa just showed Thanos the benefits of equal share of the resources and saved the universe with logic and diplomacy.

And my hopes for Queen Shuri just went out the window. BTW, why Nebula turned into a living example of “blue space babe” (from feminist studies which pointed out that alien women are just human women painted colors and shown in sexy clothes or portrayed as dancers and prostitutes for the benefit of the male gaze). She got sexy hair, sexy dress, and she is later shown to be some kind of spy by the clothes she wears and her general attitude. She reminds me so much of Natasha that I am tempted to say she is a sexy spy cliché.

It’s kind of degrading after the whole episode which centered around a woman being denied being a soldier, which in the whole militaristic and male dominated setting was pretty much conveying feminist messages, while here in another male dominated setting we have only two women shown with any lines and one of them is Nebula sexy spy. It just comes across weird after the previous episode, tbh.

She even speaks like Natasha from the MCU... and she betrays just like our dear russian friend, Natasha. Anyway, it looks like Queen Shuri is still on the table! Wakanda prevails! It was not destroyed!

Ok, nevermind. She is a space Black Widow, but in this way that she plays every side just like Natasha does. Apparently... betrayal was part of the plan, lol. What is with this idea that women named with a name starting with N are good spies in this universe?

Carina the badass! GO CARINA! SHOW THEM!

At least in this universe, she doesn’t foolishly die for “drama”. Or, in MCU’s case, for exposition to show “what happens to those who touch the infinity stone”. I gotta say, her revenge was sweet.

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 8 – The Foil

(Mando x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: Outposted on Hoth while you heal, you, Cara and Grogu keep each other company. But your nightmares quickly return, and the dark forces sending them can no longer be kept at bay.

TW: Major character death (briefly), blood, swearing

Notes: Thank u all for reason still every like makes my heart go 🥺 and every reblog/comment makes me WEEP with joy! Hope y’all are staying safe! Two chapters left!!

Word count: 4.6k

Tagged: @crazycookiecrumbles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What?” Din asks, noticing your face scrunch as your feet hit the ground.

“What is this?” you question, squatting down and picking up a handful of the white powder covering the planet's floor. The cold bites at your bare skin causing your hand to instinctively release.

“What never seen snow before?” he taunts, in a manner you had often used on him, as he and Cara stride ahead, each carrying bags twice the size of the average person. An impressive sight that left you feeling less than inadequate. You kicked at the snow turning around to grab a bag from the ship in an effort to demonstrate you could carry your own weight. In the meantime Grogu had managed to form the snow into a small ball which he promptly pelted towards the Mandalorian hitting him square in the helmet.

The thunk causes you to turn around in time with Din whose head was accusingly cocked towards you. You point to the kid who mirrors your movements causing him to grin underneath his helmet. He watches as you throw a bag over your shoulder, wincing in pain when you bend down to pick up the child. Anya bounds behind you, enamoured with the snow. The Mandalorian stops and begins tracing his steps back towards you.

“Here” he says reaching for the bag, any other day he wouldn't bother, he knew you could carry your own weight, hell you'd carried his literal weight before.

“If I can carry your ass, I think I can handle this bag” you roll your eyes, as the bag strap digs further into your shoulder causing you to quickly move past him. He watches you push through the snow and towards the concrete base a few feet ahead. He wished you’d let him help you. He knew you were strong; he wished you were a touch less stubborn.

“Well not the beach vacation I was hoping for, but it’ll do for now.” Cara say’s placing the sac carrying the medical supplies and food rations on a nearby table. You drop your bag the second you enter into the abandoned rebellion base. Slowly rolling your shoulder out attempting, and failing, to masquerade your pain. Din comes in behind you grabbing the bag you'd just dropped effortlessly tossing it, along with his own bag, up on the table with the med supplies.

“Looks like there's plenty of room here, enough bunks for us to have our own, amenities seem to work well enough, not sure about hot water, but at least its water.” Cara says appearing from a hallway.

“What about the camouflage? Is it still in place?” you ask as Din begins to type away into one of the dust covered computers. He grunts hitting the machine rather harshly while swearing under his breath.

“I can't tell, we need parts to fix it.”

“Should be some on the base.” Cara offers, more as a question than a statement.

“No, we need new technology to reinstate the old. I'll have to go out and get some.”

“That safe?” Cara asks

“If it's just me? Yes.”

“So I'm playing caretaker. You wanna tell her that or is that gonna be my job” she says, looking over at you as you unpack the preservatives into the kitchen area with Grogu tucked under your arm. The Mandalorian emits a low grumble. This wasn't going to go over well.

“We need food, I’m going to get some,” he states firmly, but from a safe distance.

“I'll come with you, you’re not much of a hunter” you say, placing Grogu down on the counter and brushing your hands off on your pants.

“Not hunting here, I'm going to get credits, I need to buy some parts to get the camouflage working again.”

“Alright, well I can help with that too” you say, confused as to why he was being so dismissive.

“No, you're injured,” he says, taking a cautious step towards you.

“I’m fine” you reiterate for what feels like the hundredth time since they’d saved you.

“Really?” He says rolling up your left sleeve, revealing scars still raw from the electrocutions. You push his arm away and roll your sleeve back down wincing when you graze the raw flesh. “When was the last time you slept? Really slept”

“No worse than it was before” you mumble out.

“You spent two weeks with the empire being treated like a caged animal, you need to rest.” he persuades, placing a tentative hand on your arm. The contact briefly causing you to shift away before settling into the gentle grip.

“And you’re leaving Cara here to babysit me?” you ask, eyes skirting to the side.

“ Yes. Normal circumstances you’d be fine, but you’re not in any shape to be fighting.” slightly taken aback by the honesty, but not surprised by his lack of bedside manner.

“This is crap you say.” shaking your head, if positions were swapped, sure you would be saying the same thing, but there's no way he would listen to you.

“If someone comes, you and Cara need to be here,” he states. Why he didn't just say ‘I just got you back, i'm not risking losing you again’ he doesn't know, but he’s sure it’s for the best. With no response from you he takes his leave. You watch his cape sway in the wind as he renters the ship and takes off leaving you behind once again.

“He’s infuriating.” You say to Cara who's hesitantly appeared by your side.

“Yup. But he’s also right. Common I want to see your light saber.” She says tugging on your elbow until you comply. You enter into one large open area of the base where various mismatched chairs littered the scene. You pull out the box containing the lightsaber as Cara burritos Grogu into a blanket propping him up on one of the strewn about chairs with a cushion.

“You're probably gonna want to hang back” you say, turning it on. The light purple aura shoots out vibrating softly. You move across the floor swingin it about a bit before finally closing it.

“Not bad,” Cara says, a smirk forming.

“We got anything disposable here?” you ask side eyeing her, eyebrows slightly raised.

“Ya. Want me to throw it at you?” she responds, seemingly reading your mind. You nod your head excitedly. What started as a relatively safe game of toss and slice had progressed into something slightly more dangerous. You were blindfolded, three beers deep and Cara was no longer throwing soft items at you. After another piece of food smacks you in the face you rip off the blindfold only to see Cara giggling like a schoolgirl.

“You know if I was smarter I'd say you were doing this on purpose.”

“Good thing you're not any smarter.” she laughs, waking up Grogu who immediately reaches for the saber.

“No,” Cara says, grabbing him in the knick of time. You both begin to clean up the mess you had made, well at least the half that would smell bad by the morning. What would have been a 15 minute job turned into an hour long ordeal with most of the time being spent preventing Grogu from eating the splattered food and opening up the lightsaber.

“He’s got a predisposition for danger” you say, grabbing him away from the saber for the 90th time that night.

“I wonder where he learnt that from,” Cara laughs.

The next morning you wake up from another nightmare, at least it had been of the no name variety this time, nothing quite as drastic as being suffocated in your sleep. You pull yourself up onto a barstool and lean over the counter clutching the back of your head as a plate of food enters into your eye line.

“You're chatty in your sleep” Cara says, watching as you take a bite.

“Sorry did I wake you up?” you ask scrunching up your forehead and hiding your face in your hands.

“No, don’t worry I’ve got my own demons keeping me up at night. You sleep walk as well, had to turn you around or you would have walked right out the front door.”

“Well, that's embarrassing. Thanks for stopping me from freezing to death, ill strap myself into the bed tonight” you say with a chuckle.

“So what are yours about?” she asks.

“Some weirdo in a cape” you say, taking another bite. “you?”

“The war mainly,” she says “if you ever need to talk”

“Thanks, you too” it was nice to have her in your corner.

“Sorry by the way if you know, what we did to you has caused any nightmares” it was the first time you’d seen Cara look remorseful and soft.

“Ya those stopped after a few months, around the same time the bruises did. Not sure if it was thicker skin or I just got better at fighting.” Cara nods, emitting a relieved sigh.

“Who do you think would win in a fight? Me or Mando.” she asks, stopping any further awkwardness from continuing.

“Tough call, doesn't matter though i'd beat you both.” You smirk.

‘Oh please I could drop you with my pinky finger!” She laughs waving around the frying pan she’d been cooking with.

‘I’m stronger than I look” you say pointing your fork at her with a mouthful of food.

“I know that but i'm a better fighter. At least at hand to hand combat. Though from what I've heard if I give you a spear or a bow you’d probably destroy me.”

“Games were more rigged than you think. It was largely a performance.” you admit.

“Killing the devaronian part of that?”

“No, that was a fun surprise. They like to pit fan favourites against each other. Who told you about that, or were you there?”

“No, I don't take pleasure in forced fighting. Mando told me, when I asked if you were a strong fighter. He was convinced. Also told me you saved him from drowning. How'd you do that his armour weighs as much as a ranakor.”

“Gods I honestly don’t know how, could barely move the next morning between the freezing water and unexpected heavy lifting.” you respond, shaking your head.

“How’d you survive it, cold waters a killer even if it doesn't drown you?”

“Fire, thank god his cape was fast drying or I think the hypothermia may have gotten him.”

“Just the cape that kept him warm?” She asks innocently enough

“What did he tell you?” you shoot back, your eyes telling her there was more to the story.

“I don’t know what he should have told me?” she says now increasingly interested

“Is this why you made me a delicious breakfast? To grill me? You laugh

“Oh you are not getting out of answering that question by complimenting me”

“Body heat” you mumble, quickly stuffing more food into your mouth to shut yourself up.

“So you guys have..” she starts.

“No, oh my god, I don’t even think he's allowed to. No in order to survive we had to maintain body heat. Which we did with our clothes on, there's nothing more to it”

“Well from what i've heard he's definitely allowed to, and has on multiple occasions, but if there's nothing to it.” she lifts her eyebrow.

“Survival was the only thing to it.” you stress.

“Oh im sure neither of you enjoyed being cozied up to each other”

“I’ll get the saber if you're not careful” you threaten stuffing more food in your mouth in an attempt to shut yourself up.

“Seriously, him lugging around that armour all the time, he must look pretty nice under there and I mean, you’re... you so nothing to not enjoy there.” she rambles on.

“I'm getting it” you say sliding off the stool.

“Threatening to kill me, won’t get you out of this” she hollers after you

“Oh no Cara don’t worry it's for myself. Gonna use it to burn out any remnants of this conversation.”

“I'm just sayin!” Of course she was just saying, of course he hadn't told her about that because it meant nothing. Would you mind being wrapped up in his muscular arms again no of course not, you're not blind, but your also not stupid. You know there was nothing more to it than a debt and a friendship, and that was fine. F-I-N-E, fine with you.

*************************************************

The Mandalorian walks towards the base sporting a bag holding parts he hoped would patch up the base's broken down systems. The sun had set and the white snow glowed a light blue from where the moonlight reflected down on it. The grey clouds forming above indicated that a storm was brewing and the last thing he wanted was to get caught out in a blizzard. The doors whir as they close behind him preventing any cold from seeping through. Placing the bag down on a nearby table he pulls out some food and warmer clothes he'd grabbed while he was out. He walks over to the kids room cracking the door and peering in. The sound wakes Grogu causing him to start fussing only stopping when he's picked up. Din follows the trail of inanimate objects sliced and strewn across the floor until he sees Cara whose on the couch carving a wooden stick into a point.

“Welcome back” she says, not looking up from her project.

“Got the stuff, he wasn’t too much trouble?” he asks, referring to the kid and tossing her a blanket.

“Nope” she smiles, catching the quilt and wrapping it around herself.

“You two have fun?” he asks, directing her attention to the various metals that she had meant to clean up before he got home.

“You know we should really get lightsabers, it's not fair only Jedis can have them. She's something else, I can see why you enjoy her company so much” Cara says, hoping to provoke a reaction.

“What's that supposed to mean?” he spits out.

“Well it wasn’t supposed to mean anything but, I guess it's more than her company you'd like to enjoy? I heard about the cave, interesting the details you left out” She says, eyes glancing up at him as a smile spreads across her face. He's about to respond, but the distinct sound of doors opening brings about a silent truce as they shift into action mode, blasters in hand maneuvering quietly towards the door. Noticing a figure, Din takes aim, but Caras hand stays his shot.

“What’s she doing?” he asks, reholstering the blaster and moving towards you

“Sleepwalking.” Cara responds “she didn’t do this when you were around?” he shakes his head, he knew about the nightmares but this, this was an escalation he didn't see coming.

“We should wake her up, she’s going to freeze” he says

“You’re not supposed to wake them up,” Cara returns

“So we just let her wander out and die?” Din argues

“No we just turn her back in the direction of her room smart ass.'' The argument ceases when they remember the door being opened. You had managed to make your way out into the blizzard concerning both Din and Cara. He hands Grogu to Cara and trudges through the thick snow, which you were moving through with ease. Cara, not one to be left behind, follows him out sheltering the kid under the quilted blanket.

“Someones with her.” Cara shouts over the wind. She's right; he watches as you reach out for the cloaked figure turning it around to face you.

“Y/N!” the Mandalorian calls out.

*************************************************

Your name being called pulls you back to reality. You look down seeing Anya whose ears are back and emitting a sound the likes of which you’ve never heard. Your name’s called again further indicating this was not a dream, despite the surroundings feeling uncannily familiar. The figure stands before you, unmoving, still present, what the fuck was going on. Your heart races as you reach out this time your hand makes contact with a bony shoulder. Your eyes widen as you turn the figure around to face you. Your eyes flutter side to side trying to piece together the situation playing out before you. You hear the Mandalorian shouting for you, but you don't turn away.

Your hand reaches up to pull down the hood as you do a familiar buzzing fills your ears as a scarlet flash lights up the sky. A burning sensation radiating in your stomach causes you to look down just as the saber retracts back into its hilt, the red light dissipating as it does. Your hand grasps at the cloak tearing a piece off as the figure disappears into the night. You fall to the ground, it's cold, you can feel your light fading, it wasn’t supposed to end like this.

************************************************

Din makes it to you first, dropping to your side. He places a hand under your waist lifting you onto his lap scanning your body for the damage. Your hands cover your abdomen. He moves them away revealing a substantial hole where the saber had cut straight through you. There was no blood, there was no fixing this, there was nothing he could do. Too many vital organs had been hit. He watches as you try and fail to intake the surrounding air into your lungs. He can see the panic in your eyes as you try and fail to breathe. Cara’s run comes to a halt. She stares down at the Mandalorian as he cradles a body that would never heal. You’re trying to say something, but all that’s emitted is a series of bloody splutters as you cling desperately to life. You look at Cara and the child before looking back up at him. Your purple eyes bore into him as your body goes limp. Anya throws her head back howling loudly into the night as Cara continues staring down stoic as even, placing a hand on the beskar armour. The Mandalorian doesn't move, he can’t, he won’t let you go. Why didn't he say anything, why couldn't he offer you some comfort in your final moments. He had failed you. As the howl fades back into the wind the silence becomes deafening.

Cara sees them first, Dins hand moves to your chest where small palpitations seemed to be occurring. His head swivels around staring up to see Grogu’s small green hand reached out, head wrinkled and eyes squinting in focus. As quickly as it had stopped your breathing begins again punctuated by a loud cough and several gasps for air which launch you upwards. The Mandalorians arm braces your shoulder as you do. He pulls up the hem of your shirt running a hand over skin that was beginning to smooth over. Grogu collapses back into Caras arms. Din breaths out for the first time in what felt like forever, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat back down. Your hands found their way up to his helmet tracing around its edges in an attempt to ground yourself.

“It’s okay, I’m here, you’re alive, you’re safe.” he whispers, as he brings his helmet down to your forehead pressing them together lightly. Your arms quickly wrap around him as you bury your face in his chest. The metal suddenly feeling like the most comfortable thing in the world.

“Makers get a room” Cara shouts. He hears you mutter something which he eventually makes out as “the child”

“He’s fine,” he says, watching the relief rush over your face as your arm reaches out to pet Anya before your eyes start close again.

“We have to get her inside, and warm, she’ll be fine, but we have to move quickly.” Cara says as Din lifts you up carrying you back inside.

The following days blur together for Din he left shortly after you were secured back in bed in search of supplies and medicine that would help ease your recovery. In all truth it helped keep his mind off the fact that you may not wake up. Despite Grogu’s best efforts you had been dead for a solid five minutes, that's not something many people recover from. He took up a few extra bounties along the way hoping they may have some answers as to who was with you in the blizzard that night, but nothing turned up. The killing helped him feel better, and coming back with supplies made him feel useful. No matter where he was, he always made sure to return with blankets and warm gear, especially after Cara had said you felt cold to the touch. He couldn't have that.

“I think we’re good for blankets, Mando anymore and she’ll sweat to death” Cara says with a small laugh unpacking yet another massive sheet made from some type of animal hide.

“You said she needed to be kept warm” he states, as if his actions were completely normal and reasonable.

“Well why don’t you just crawl in there with her that'll keep her nice and toasty” she teases “or you could just wait until she wakes up then you’d be able to keep her really warm, at least based on what I’ve heard from some of your past lovers” she laughs, as he leaves the room embarrassed.

*************************************************

Your mouths dry, that’s the first thing that alerts you to the fact that you were still alive. You open your eyes slowly permitting the fluorescent lighting to creep through causing a dull ache to pulse in your forehead. Closing one eye you move up in the bed causing multiple blankets to cascade down from your shoulders pooling in your lap. You turn to the side reaching for the glass of water precariously placed on your bedside table. A sharp pain shoots through your body as you reach out causing your hands to jolt down to the source of the pain. The scar tissue reminds you just how lucky you were to be alive. Your hands positioning is quickly changed as Anya nuzzles her snout underneath it. You scratch her ears, smiling as she licks at your face. You're distracted by the sound of footsteps inching closer to your door. You sit up and straighten your shirt, suddenly aware of how you must look and smell. Your fussing with your hair as the door clicks open.

“You're up!” Cara exclaims “wait here there’s someone who’ll want to see you. “

“Like I can go anywhere” you respond, shifting slightly as you do. She re-enters with Grogu who she places in your arms. He stares up at you with his big eyes, his hand reaching out for your chin. You lower your head so he can touch it eliciting a small contented gurgle.

“Thanks for saving me,” you say, as he worms his way underneath the blankets.

“Mando’s off getting supplies, mainly bringing back blankets for you though” Cara remarks causing you to roll your eyes.

“Five bounties so I’ve been out what? a day?” you ask shuffling through the thick fur covers which were, to be fair, keeping you nice and toasty.

“How are you feeling”

“Like a shish kebab”

“You looked like one. Do you remember anything about that night?”

“What apart from dying? I remember taking this” you say pulling out the small swatch of fabric you had torn from the figures cloak. “Nothing after that. I figured the only way this hole was closed was because of Grogu. Did something else happen?” Cara contemplates telling you about the tender moment she had witnessed between you and the Mandalorian, but opts to let him tell you himself.

“No, nothing. Get some more rest, you look like shit.” she laughs leaving the room allowing you to fall asleep with Grogu tucked neatly under your arm.

“Fuck” you shout, shooting awake. Your eyes water and your chest heaves. Another nightmare. Whoever this figure was, it knew it had not succeeded in killing you. Whatever it was you, and your friends, would not be safe until they, or you, were dead. You maneuver out of bed, careful not to wake the child as you do. Your feet hit the floor with a light slap, the sound being enough to rouse Grogu from his slumber. He blinks sleepily watching as you grab some clothes, a blanket and the ripped fabric tossing it all into a small leather bag. You whistle for Anya who begrudgingly hops off the bed and makes her way over to you. The child, now awake and apparently savvy to your plans scowls.

“I know, but we’ll be back once it’s dealt with” you say leaning over the bed to stroke his ear.

“Once what’s dealt with?” the familiar modulated voice asks behind you. “You’re leaving.” he continues, noting the rucksack tossed carelessly over one shoulder.

“Just for now.” You say, offering him a reassuring smile as you turn to face him, “I have to deal with something.”

“We can help.” He responds. You turn back to face the wall, not wanting to meet his gaze.

“Not this time I can’t put the kid at risk. It’s too dangerous. Whatever came here, it’ll come back once it feels I'm alive. I’m going to find it. See what it wants.” you unpack and repack your bag making sure everything you need is there.

“How do you know this isn’t what it wants you to do.” he poses, causing your hands to stop shuffling around inside the bag.

“I don’t.”

“And how do you think you’re getting off this planet.” he asks, a touch too smug for your liking. Especially considering you had not figured that part out yet.

“Gotta be some spare parts around here, maybe even an old ship.”

“Can you even fly?” Was that worry you detected in his voice, or amusement at the notion of you piloting a spacecraft.

“I'll be fine.” You say closing your bag.

“Let me help you.” he takes a step towards you, closing the space between you both.

“I’ll be alright” you say, turning and haphazardly throwing the bag over your shoulder. He steps in front of you, not willing to let you pass without a conversation. Not wanting to put him in danger you stand on your tiptoes and place your hands on the helmets sides, causing him tense up. You pull his face down to meet yours planting a kiss where his mouth would be.

“You’ve helped me enough” you say staring into the visor and slowly removing your hands. He remains where he stands, giving you enough time to skirt around him. Entering the kitchen you grab some preserves and a knife out the cupboards tossing them into the bag.

“Tell her she’s not leaving,” Din asserts to Cara, who had witnessed the previous events from a nearby chair.

“You can’t go by yourself, you’re smart enough to know that. Let us help.” She says. Realizing this isn’t a fight you can easily win you agree.

“Someone has to stay here with the kid. He won’t be safe where we're going. Din you should stay with him ” you say.

“I can’t fly a plane.” Cara lies in an attempt to force you both to confront your feelings for eachother, though she wasn’t entirely sure either of you knew how deep said feelings truly ran.

“I’ll take you.” Din says without hesitation

“I know you don’t like to be away from him.” you whisper quietly, your actions from before suddenly creeping to the forefront of your mind.

“We won’t be gone long” he says, evidently unfazed by the kiss. “You know where we’re going.

“No, but she does.” You nod in Anya’s direction.

[herondaleholly31]

The Book Swap  Chris Evans X Reader

Overview: You and Chris read your favourite books to each other 

A/N.....It’s been 84 years. No seriously it has been a LONG time since I’ve put something on here, but I’ve been taking a break writing imagines and I am beginning to love writing bigger projects. I’ve had lots of inspiration during lockdown however so those should start to come on here at some point. Thank you for continuing to show love to the rest of my imagines and I hope you like this one. If there’s any requests for both scenarios and people keep sending them to me and I’ll make sure to keep wokring through them :) 

Like and Reblog! 

Word Count: 2400

“Can we eat this in bed?” You jiggle the bowl of steaming pasta as you deliberately shuffle towards the bedroom. Chris looked up through his eyelashes and raised an eyebrow. 

“You want our bed to smell like meatballs?”

“But it will just make all of this perfect.” You pointed to the large windows which were dark and splattered with rain just as a flash of lightning lit up the skyline. Dodger whimpered nervously from his bed and gnawed further into the neck of his lion toy. “Dodger can hang out with us, and we can watch TV in bed and be nice and warm. You’d like that, wouldn’t you Dodger?” You cooed and bent down to rub behind the dog’s ears, holding your food high so he couldn’t eat any of it. Dodger stretched and padded to Chris’ feet. Chris looked at you both and smiled with fake reluctance. “Okay, fine. Come on Bubba,” he picked up his bowl and slowly walked towards the door, making sure not to trip over Dodger’s bounding in delight. 

“Let’s just both promise we’re not going to spill anything,” Chris said jokingly, widening his eyes in a telling expression. 

You rolled your eyes. “It was one hot chocolate.” 

“And now there’s a stain that looks like someone pooed on one of the sheets.” Chris took your bowl and motioned his head for you the get into bed first. You turned on the fairy lights and lamps and dived underneath the puffy white duvet, wrapping it around your legs and hips while shifting it, so it was easy for him to get in too. Dodger sat at the end, his tail thwacking the air out of the duvet, eyes wide and staring at the food with longing. “No Bubba,” Chris warned as he gave you back your meal, “this isn’t for you. I’ve saved you some already.” 

“You made extra meatballs for the dog?” You shook your head in disbelief. Chris shrugged as if to to say of course I would and then gently pushed Dodgers sniffling nose away. You ate in silence watching the TV, the storm growing louder outside. As stomach full, you sank into the pillows, feeling so comfortable you never wanted to leave. Chris left only once to take the bowls away and bring in cups of coffee, but apart from that, he seemed to sink beside you.

“Is it alright If we turn off the TV?” You asked a little while later, “I’m in the mood to read.” 

“Yea, ‘course.” The TV went off, and you leaned over to your bedside table, shuffling further into the pillows as you got yourself comfortable to read. You had only read a few lines when Chris asked what you were reading. 

“A room with a view,” you showed him the cover. 

“Didn’t you read that at Christmas?” 

“Yea, but I was in the mood to reread it. Is that okay?” You jokingly confronted him, leaning closer to him feign intimidation. Chris copied you and gently pushed you on the forehead, so your head moved back. “I never understood the fun about classics.”

“Because they’re amazing stories.” 

“You can’t even understand them.” 

“Only smart people can.” 

“Oh, so are you saying I’m not smart?” 

“I don’t see your degree,” you pointed at your framed degree hung proudly by the bookshelf. 

“You mean the degree that’s next to my THREE shelves of awards?” Chris smiled cheekily as he pointed at the collection of statues glimmering in the soft light. “I don’t see your shelves there?” He laughed when you smacked him playfully with the book, leaning down to kiss you on the shoulder a couple of times. “We know you’re smarter than me.” 

“Thank you.” You moved closer to him, so he stayed propped up near you, breathing steadily as you went back to the story. He kept his head by your shoulder, sighing deliberately, so a gush of breath tickled the loose hairs around your neck. After a few minutes, you instinctively crumpled your ear into your shoulder, whinging at him to stop. 

“Sorry, sorry,” but his tone was edged with mirth. You tried to immerse yourself again, although this time Chris was starting to read lines out, intentionally dotting around the page, so your head began to swim. 

“…Was she was wrong in this, she asked herself, reviewing her conduct for the past week or two…” 

“Chris.”

“…she reflected, feeling rather sinister again, making Minta marry Paul…” 

“Please stop.” 

“….There was always a woman dying of cancer.” He frowned and shook his head. “This sounds so depressing.” You clapped a hand over his mouth, gritting your teeth as you smiled but muttering threats into his ear as he widened his eyes in phantom shock. “I swear you better shut up I’m trying to read.”

 “I love it when you talk dirty,” Chris mumbled behind your hand. 

“Are you going to stop?” You frowned. Chris nodded. Slowly, you pulled your hand away. Chris opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but with a quick “NO,” he closed it again. He halted for a moment, then spoke again. 

“What is it about this book that makes you love it so much?” 

“The writing is beautiful,” you sighed with content, “you don’t have to fully understand what E.M Forster’s saying because you FEEL what he’s saying through his words. He can perfectly describe a feeling which I’ve never been able to put into words. Like here,” you rapidly thumbed through the pages, stopping and jabbing at a line underlined in smudged pencil. “For that reason, knowing what was before them – love and ambition and being wretched alone on dreary places – she often had the feeling, why must they grow up and lose it all?” You shook the book in delight, expecting Chris to be just as excited. When he didn’t, your jaw slacked. “Isn’t that wonderful?” 

‘If you think it’s wonderful, then it must be,’ Chris shrugged. He pointed at the multitude of lines underlined in silver, gently moving underneath your hands to peer at the next few pages. “Why do you underline so much?” 

You bit the side of your cheek in an attempt to not sound embarrassed. “It depends. Sometimes it’s lines that are written really well or things that made me laugh; mostly it’s moments which make me love the book in particular. Like first kisses or when two people are reunited. Like here.’ Flipping the page, you read “‘this is not what we want; there is nothing more tedious, puerile, and inhumane than love; yet it is also beautiful and necessary.’ Forster could’ve just said love is excellent, but this means so much more.”

“Uh, huh.” Chris was pretending to doze off on you, but when you retaliated by starting to shuffle away, he held you back. “Stop moving! you know I like how you pick up on those things.” He held his hand out as an invitation for the book, and when you handed it over, he flipped through the pages, reading the lines you’d memorised for so many years. “Is this how you feel? The way he writes?”

“Maybe not exactly. But I knew exactly what Forster meant by that last line because it made me think of you.” You enjoyed the way Chris’ face softened, the usually prominent bone structure hiding as his cheeks filled with a smile. 

“Maybe I should read it sometime if it means this much to you,” he mused, nodding slowly. “Even if it is all about ladies dying with cancer.” 

“Please do.” You half rolled over, your eyes drying out as you tried to look pleadingly at him. “I would die if you did that for me. I’ll read your favourite book if that persuades you.” You frowned. “I don’t even know what your favourite book is.” 

“Easy,” Chris said “Ferdinand the Bull.” 

“That’s a children’s book.” 

“So?”

“Well, it’s not exactly emotionally challenging.” 

“Hey, I cried at Ferdinand when I was a kid. Mom used to read it to us all the time. Didn’t you have Ferdinand in England?” 

“Probably, but my parents didn’t read loads to me.” 

“Aw man, you gotta read Ferdinand.” Chris swung out of bed, and half walked half skidded out of the room, Dodger tearing after him in excitement. You heard doors opening, lights being flicked on and bound books being dragged against wooden shelves, and then Chris came back down the corridor, turning to pick up the leg of Dodger’s stuffed lion and pulling both toy and dog back through the door. Dodger easily winning the tug of war sat underneath your vanity, chewing on his prize and Chris climbed back into bed, holding a battered picture book in triumph. It was obviously ancient. The red front cover had faded at the spine and at the edges due to sun exposure and a faint green stain which looked like paint coated the bottom. Chris still held it like it was a photo album and as he opened to the first page, he emitted a small gasp in wonder. 

“Oh my God, I haven’t read this in so long! Look, there’s my name.” He pointed at a scribble in the corner of the page, barely eligible. You smiled and nodded, not having the heart to tell him that he could’ve written a swear word and you wouldn’t have been able to tell. “It’s exactly how I remembered it,” Chris spoke fondly, and he adjusted the lamp by his head, so it shone brighter on the pages. “I’ve got to read this to Stella next time I see her,” at the mention of his niece he softened even more, and his expression went slightly gooey. 

“You can read it to me if you want,” you offered.

“You sure you don’t wanna keep reading your book?”

“Nah, I want to see what all the hype is about.” You gently closed A Room With A View and tapped on Chris’s arm, to which he lifted it up so you could lie between the pillow and his side. He shifted himself up so he could read and pushed your head to rest on his collarbone. “Can you see the pictures?” He spoke in a mocking baby voice but didn’t start until you’d stop shuffling and were comfy. Then he began to read, soft and slow at first but a couple of pages in he seemed to forget you were there. His voice started to rise and fall and get more expressive as he told the story of the bull who loved to smell flowers, and he laughed at the spindly drawings. You felt your eyes becoming droopy, and you shook your head to stay awake as he started to stroke your arm with the back of his hand, propping the book upon his knee so he could keep turning the pages. 

“…And for all, I know he is sitting there still, under his favourite cork tree, smelling the flowers just quietly.” Chris nodded once in satisfaction, and the story was over. Putting the book on the floor, Chris shifted you slightly to rest back into him, smiling. “Did you like it?” 

“I loved it,” you nodded, my head bobbling slightly as it bumped over his collarbone, “I especially loved your animated voice halfway through.”

“Stella insists on giving each person a different voice, even if none of them actually speak. Apparently, it helps her ‘become friends with them.’”

“That’s going to be fun when you start reading her Harry Potter.” 

“Eh, it’s good to practise.” 

“For what?”

“When I get to read it to my own kids.” He laughed at your widened eyes and lips which had now pouted out in surprised, “are you getting a little emotional thinking about me with children?”

“No,” you lied. 

“Sorry, not my kids, OUR kids,” Chris’ eyes twinkled mischievously. You had to turn away then as a wave of motherly instinct you didn’t know was there filled your stomach, and your breath caught momentarily. “With their little curly hair and Boston accents.” 

“I’m going to have to sleep after this.”

“And we can read to them loads and eat spaghetti with them…”

 “you’re really mean, you know that,” you scowled, but you couldn’t help but see these children, running around in your mind in that teetering away all toddlers do on their chubby legs. 

“You know what will be great too?” 

“I swear if what you’re about to say is going to taunt me in my dreams-“

“Disney-world trips.” 

“For God’s sake, Chris!”

“They’ll be so cute though!” 

“Yeah well, now I’m going to dream about that.” You rolled over as if to try and sleep, but Chris rolled with you so now you were spooning, his knuckles continuing to stroke your skin in half soothing, half taunting way. “Our kids will be adorable,” you mumbled as you smiled into your pillow, “and they’ll love Ferdinand.”

 “And I hope they see the world like you do,” Chris peppered a couple of kisses behind your ear and down your neck and then turned off the last light, so the room plunged into darkness. Dodger was finally settled and asleep, and there was a moment of creaking as Chris settled back into the spot he was lying in. For a moment, there were only the sounds of breathing, but you were now wide awake. You felt your mind whirring away, and you didn’t know if you wanted to punch the man next to you or kiss him. 

“Okay so technically,” you spoke into the dark “we don’t want to have kids for a while.” 

“Right.” Chris agreed. 

“But there’s nothing wrong with practising.” You felt the arm around you tense suddenly, and his shadow popped up like an excited dog.

“No!” He cleared his throat. “No, there isn’t at all.”

“You said the Disney comment on purpose didn’t you?” You held a finger out as he leaned forward. Chris shrugged unapologetically and grabbed your arm to pull you on top of him, his chest already rising and falling quickly with anticipation.

“I might have done.” 

“Ooo, maybe I should go sleep in the spare room then,” you teased and started to wriggle off him, but with a low laugh, Chris’ hand moved from your arm to the back of your legs.

 “You’re not going anywhere,” his voice was gravelly as you became lost in each other. 

[kilyra]

Grounded

A/N: This is my first venture into the land of Star Wars fic, but the inspo just wouldn’t leave me alone, so here we are. EDIT: Part 2, “Still Grounded” can be found in the masterlist!

Although you two have become close, things get heated after a mission when Poe confronts you for disobeying his order. 

Warnings: Kinda bad language and flaring tempers . No spoilers but it takes place after The Last Jedi. I did do a bit of research so hopefully there’s nothing jarringly out of place!

If you want to be on my tag lists, (all or just a character) just let me know! (Credit for this amazing gif goes to @isaac-oscars​. Thank you SO much!)

As your X-wing gently kissed the ground, you could hardly wait to throw open the canopy but your fingers had turned into a fumbling mess. Your body hummed with the adrenaline that flooded your veins, and there wasn't a single part of you that wasn't shaking. Up until the smooth landing, you had kept it under control but...but landing at base changed everything. You were back home. And your mission was officially a success.

The warm but fresh air of Ajan Kill filled your lungs as you hopped out of the cockpit and scrambled to the ground. Your feet hardly seemed to touch the steps, you were just flying into the waiting hands of your fellow pilots who were already roughly patting your back and helmet.

“You did it! I can't believe it!”

“You're crazy! I wish I coulda seen the look on their faces when you raced through all their loading bays like that! Ha!”

“When those First Order bastards showed up, I thought we were done for sure.”

In the chorus of praise and marvelling, it was hard to tell who said what in the group crowding around you. You did notice one face that was missing though...Poe Dameron.

Looking back, you saw one of the ground crew extracting your droid from the back of the ship. “Hey! Hey, careful with him, alright? Everything we got from those guys is sitting in his data banks.”

She absently nodded but was suddenly using both hands to guide the unit to the ground.

Pulling your gloves off and tucking them under your arm, you pushed your helmet back off your head and scruffed your fingers over your hair. As exhilarating as it was to be in the thick of it, it was always nice to peel everything off and let the air dry the pooling sweat. Dropping the gloves in the helmet, you cradled it against your side as you chatted with your peers and waited for your droid.

If any of them knew you were about to face a world of trouble, they didn't breathe a word of it to you.

With your droid at your side and a few of the other pilots trailing behind, you made your way to the communications centre. No one knew exactly what information you had been sent to extract, but that team would know what to do with it. You were already inside when you heard it.

“Y/n!” Poe barked your name so sharply, you nearly jumped out of your flight suit as you turned towards his voice.

Your stomach dropped when you spotted him marching up from a side hall. Not only was the vein on the side of his neck pulsating so violently you could see it from where you stood, but the fury in his eyes was burning a hole right through you. Even his dark curls seemed to bounce with anger from every stomp. When he came closer, he growled, “Tactics room.”

“But I'm taking my droid to commun-”

“Now!”

He didn't even slow as he stormed past you and the others after shooting you a final, withering glare. Swallowing back your sentence, you blinked rapidly and looked down at your droid who was still and watching you. Looking from the droid to the others, your mouth dropped open but you couldn't form words.

“You'd better be following, L/n,” Poe added without glancing back to check.

There was a firm nudge on your arm as one of the pilots muttered under his breath. “I got this, just go.”

Numbly, you hurried to catch up, trying to ignore how your boots suddenly felt like they were lined with weights. The door was still open to the small meeting room as you sat down, but Poe circled back to slam it shut. Snapping your eyes closed, you failed to stop the flinch.

But you managed to keep your voice steady. “Commander, what's going on?”

Spinning back to face you, his eyebrows shot up as he tilted his head your direction. “Oh. So now I'm Commander?”

It was a trap.

You knew it was a trap but, as he stared expectantly at you for an answer, you had no idea how to get out of it. The wince was already on your face when you finally answered. "Yes?"

Nodding, he ran his tongue along the edge of his lip as he hummed an agreement. “Mhmm, great. And so what was I when I ordered you to abort?”

It was a bewildering slap in the face. Your fingers clenched the edge of the helmet in your lap as you forced yourself to stay seated. “Are you serious? That's what this is about? But I got the intel we've been after for weeks! I-”

“You're not answering the question. What was I on that mission, hmm? When I ordered you to abort?” The edges of his calm words vibrated as he paced at the front of the room, pressing his palm to his forehead before letting his arm drop.

“I was right there!”

“So were they!” Lurching forward, he shoved the chair at the head of the table, sending it crashing against the wall as it landed on its side.

Colour pulsated over your vision, and you had to speak over the rushing in your ears. He pulled the plug shortly after the First Order ships showed up and made it clear it wasn't a coincidence. Someone had either sold out the Resistance or gotten careless, but you had already made contact with the informant and were about to start the data transfer. Poe endlessly repeated himself to abort and get out, but you turned down your comm and finished. Apparently he didn't like that...

But dammit, you knew it had been the right thing to do.

“Yeah! They were! That was the risk we all knew we were taking. A risk, by the way, that the informant was taking too. I wasn't about to let all our efforts be in vain when I was already at the drop point.”

His eyes flashed at your defiance as he gripped the edge of the table. “And what good would it have done to download everything into your droid if you were shot down or captured trying to leave, huh? The smarter play, the play I wanted, was to misdirect and try again.”

It was all you could do to stop your eyes from rolling back. Instead, your insides knotted tightly. “Right, and how far back would that have set us? Assuming the informant resurfaced at all. I don't get what your problem is, everything worked out just fine.”

“Just fine? Your joy ride through all of their cargo bays was just fine?” The breathy tone tumbled from his lips as he pushed himself back from the table.

Before you could jump in, he continued his rant, gaining more heat with every word until he was yelling again. “Sure! Fine. And I'm sure people will be just thrilled to try and help us again. I mean, other than the damage you caused their base and the explosions from downed First Order ships giving chase, it was just fine! Never mind the fact that you could have - you should have - died from that stunt alone!”

This was getting ridiculous. You gripped your helmet tighter and steeled yourself against the creeping guilt.

“Maybe I would have crashed if I was anything less than a damn good pilot. But I am a damn...good...pilot,” you said through grit teeth.

“A damn good pilot that can't...no, that refuses to listen!”

“I was right there!”

“Yeah? Well, now you're grounded!” Poe shouted as leaned over the table, loudly pounding it with his gloved fist before shoving his finger your direction to drive the point home.

“What!?” Jumping to your feet and slamming your helmet down, your chair toppled behind you and crashed onto the floor.

Not even batting an eye at your outrage, he moved closer and continued with a raised voice. "Oh, you heard me. We can't afford to lose damn good pilots. Especially not to their own ego.”

Scoffing, you threw your hands up. “So you're grounding me? You're still losing a pilot!”

“Only until you learn to leave your comm on and listen to orders!” The vein in his neck looked ready to burst as his dark eyes bore into yours.

“This is bullshit! I saved the Resistance from weeks of trying to set up a new drop. Maybe from losing this intel altogether! I did good today and you damn well know it!” Heat flooded your face as you shouted. It was all you could do to stop yourself from flying across the table at him.

“And you could have died!”

Smashing your helmet into the table, you pressed on. “You're always coming down on me, but if Ello or Nien had been in my place, they would have done the exact same thing! You telling me you'd ground them too?”

“No.”

“Why n-”

“Because I don't love them!”

Poe froze at his own words, staring at you with wide eyes before shifting his gaze to the side. His chest heaved as he sharply exhaled. “I-I...don't...”

For a moment, the rush in your ears won and all you could hear was your own heartbeat hammering away. All those times...all those moments in the conferences as you hatched plans or the cantina when everyone was relaxing, but you seemed to just stay focused on each other. The laughter, the lingering stares, the way it was just so much easier to talk to him than anyone else at base...it was all real. He felt the connection as strongly as you did, even though neither of you dared to voice it.

And, instead of those feelings coming out in a sweet moment to cherish...they came out in a heated, twisted mess.

“Y-you don't love...them...” You echoed.

Rubbing his hand along the stubble of his chin, he chewed his bottom lip as he looked back at you. His eyes were glued to yours, but he stayed silent.

Your heart fluttered at his stare, but your stomach rolled as a quiet anger continued to needle you. “So you don't....love...them. And...and so I get punished for that? You have feelings and I get punished? How...how is that fair?”

Sighing, he ran his fingers up into his thick curls, giving them a soft tug before resting his hand on the back of his neck. His free hand went to his hip, pushing his jacket back as the fight visibly drained from his body. Soon, his gaze shifted to the floor, although his eyes didn't stay still. He was utterly lost in deep concentration, clearly sifting through his racing thoughts.

The silence stretched out for several moments before he huffed another sigh through his nose. “It's not.”

His soft statement was enough to stop your attack, but frustration still thrummed through your body as you waited for him to at least take your punishment back.

Swallowing heavily, Poe scanned over the room before his gaze settled on the door. Your hands balled into fists. He wouldn't dare...

His eyes quickly darted back to yours before snapping back to the exit. “I have to go.”

Before you could protest, he was out of the room in just a few long strides. Dumbfounded, you stared out the open door, too stunned to call after him.

A growl ripped from your throat as you grabbed your helmet with both hands and smashed it into the table.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

As you lifted the helmet, you saw a small dent in the table's metal surface. Letting out a frustrated grunt, you threw it as hard as you could across the room, dumping your gloves on the floor as it crashed against the chair Poe had turned over.

Grabbing a chair that was still on its feet, you shifted and sank into it as you cupped your head in your propped hands. It was impossible to tear one feeling from another as everything swirled into a muddled mess inside your chest. There was only one thing you knew for sure.

You were grounded.

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries​  @flower-two​  @getlostinyourparadise​   @selfishkiddo​  @angelicshinigami​  @parkersbabey​

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

okay. this is a post about a new character, who is a person in the same 'verse as the main one for Robert and Isabelle, sci-fi and spaceships. she is a pastor in the one specific "limits on technology" religion I made up, but also, she is very cool. she does not live on their main terraformed colony, she lives in another colony with some definite cultural differences.

I am mostly posting this for my own future reference. there are definitely people who will enjoy Gwendolyn a lot, even with the extensive trigger tag situation here, but I think "a short story that has space for more nuance" would be a better venue for her than "my thoughts from Skype at 4AM"

if you do decide to read this, check the tags first, please

shoutout to @anonymus-maximus-er for being my thought partner on this.

but as I understand it now, there are, like , degrees of Intensity in Church Of Man

like, even their chillest followers are kind of intense about it because it's hard to be real, real chill about "god said we were only allowed to use these specific fifteen technologies" or whatever the exact rules are

but as far as incubators go, Aimee's community, the one you saw, would definitely have been like "well, too bad God wants that baby to die" and there are some other communities which would be more like "okay, probably make sure your baby does not die, do what you've gotta do there, but don't come back and talk to us afterwards"

and also for sure there are communities like "do literally whatever you have to do to make sure your baby does not die, we will be here with whole-made casseroles when you're home again"

and like, could some of those kids have benefitted from subsequent quality-of-life stuff they didn't get? probably, yes

to varying degrees

but hopefully Aimee finds a nice community where she can be like "this is so important to me but my babies and I experienced a bunch of technology in order to not die and we got excommunicated."

and they're like "wow that sounds like a lot of Not Your Fault would you like some whole-made casseroles and toddler clothes?"

and she's like "I got excommunicated" and they're like "did you know, perhaps you didn't, that there is no Central Authority for every Church Of Man church in the galaxy? there for sure is not! the people from New Maryland often pretend they are, but we didn't vote for them! your old pastor is just not at all the boss of us, is the thing"

that is the future epilogue I want for Aimee

I feel like the Tau Ceti Church of Man community is small and some people think they're weird, but they're nice neighbors. their pastor is a woman named Gwendolyn or something who is just constantly mad about Richard Brinton That Fucking Asshole

she has never called him any of those words because of decorum, she has just spent a lot of time talking to new people like "wow you seem very traumatized did you know he is not the boss of us?"

"we don't have a pope!"

"we've tried to have a council a few times, but it's logistically complicated"

"every church is supposed to make its own rules in accordance with the texts"

"yes, I have read every single one of his missives to the world, I know which bits of the Texts you probably have memorized, here are some bits I like a lot"

Gwendolyn has some opinions

like, churches are supposed to set their own rules about "necessary" technologies and she has quietly labeled almost all life-saving medical technology "necessary"

meanwhile, Brinton thinks it's necessary for him to have access to telecommunications equipment to he can send his editorials all over the galaxy, so people can be Educated

huh

of course, he does not actually physically touch the telecommunications equipment, he keeps like four people who know how to use it around so they can spread his word, but also, huh

the thing about Gwendolyn is that she has spent a long time watching traumatized New Marylanders join her community, many of them quite young and quite traumatized

also, she was never a New Marylander, she is fourth-generation Tau Ceti, which, crucially

means that her first set of principles is "Church Stuff, Misc" and her second set of principles, right there after the first is "you're not the boss of me"

even if somebody could point to actual scripture that said they were the boss of her, she would have some trouble with it, but some dude! who cannot point to anything at all! no justification whatsoever! nothing in the texts even a little bit! keeps trying to be the boss of her! and also keeps traumatizing all of the people in his community pretty badly! and making everyone else look like jerks!

"I'm more conservative than you, therefore, I am the boss of you"

NOPE

not for Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn votes in every local election and votes for her Senator, who she has met and quite likes. she occasionally goes to protests when the local government does some dipshit thing, but the Tau Ceti local government is pretty well-behaved because if it's not the citizenry will absolutely be like "fuck you, you're not the boss of me" at its government

she has some Very Big Opinions about debtor employment. she's not thrilled about the like, severity of the gang situation in her city, but she doesn't have a lot of optimism that the Government is gonna fix it, so she does community groups instead

also, in recognition of the fact that she can't just throw these traumatized New Marylanders right off into the personal autonomy deep end she is like "okay, if you need someone to tell you what to do sometimes, I will be the temporary boss of you until you are ready to be the boss of you"

she does not Love that aspect of her job, but sometimes you gotta

you can't bring people from "obedience all the time" to "you must make every choice in your life with no backup" overnight, they'll just collapse in on themselves or become targets for worse people

so she does the thing

she and Brinton have a <very> passive aggressive correspondence going as church leaders

there are many many long letters back and forth

they are very polite and also, if any of them are preserved, historians will find them fascinating

"wow these people just fucking loathed each other"

Anonymus, 5:05 AM

your obedient servant, A. Burr

5:05 AM

if they did not live on separate planets, legitimately maybe

like, if she could get to Brinton's house on a horse to yell at him in person, she would have by now

she didn't swear a lot in real life, but sometimes she wanted to

she got real good at saying "that man" or "sugar" or "nonsense" in A Tone, but you could tell

I can't decide if she has a husband or a wife

Aimee's church definitely thinks gay people are Modern and therefore Wrong, but like

I feel like probably their specific religious texts don't even have that much on being nice to people? like, there's definitely a few pages on like "kindness is an ancient value, we hold fast to ancient values, these are them"

but it's like 70% Rules Minutiae

it's also not a super long book

so everybody has very different opinions about how to interpret the Rules Minutiae in light of the 30% of the book that's like "here are our actual values"

"modesty" and "fidelity" are both in the Ancient Values bits for sure

and I feel like different denominations went in different directions on the "modesty" and "fidelity" implications of "gay people"

no, I've decided, Gwendolyn definitely has a wife

show her in the actual rules where she can't have a wife

yes, fidelity, that thing she has with her wife

Anonymus, 5:13 AM

can the wife be a very proper rebbetzin?

organises all the casserole chains

5:14 AM

yes, she can definitely organize all of the casserole chains

5:18 AM

right

Gwendolyn's wife's name is Tara and she came from an Earth Church of Man community where they were like "technically it's not illegal for you to be gay, but, like, ehhhh? we'd rather you didn't and also you definitely cannot have children if you're gay"

5:20 AM

and she got to Tau Ceti and met Gwendolyn who even in college was like "show me in the texts where it says I cannot have a wife."

"show me."

Anonymus, 5:21 AM

sounds like excellent breeding ground for Very Textually and Theologically Conversant, but not actually a religious authority

5:21 AM

the thing is, Tau Ceti is Bad At Authority

if they had a motto on their coins it would just be "you're not the boss of me" but maybe in Latin

but maybe not even in Latin because people who know Latin often think they are the boss of you

Anonymus, 5:22 AM

WHO MADE U KING

5:22 AM

for real

I think there is a dude who is technically the "boss" of Gwendolyn and they take turns giving the sermons and calibrating which parishoners they support based on like, communication styles in a way that often ends up with just all of the women and queer folks being Gwendolyn's people

she is smarter than him, he handles all of the Local Politics things that require you not to go "EXCUSE me, where is the LAW ABOUT THAT"

Anonymus, 5:24 AM

different type of smart

5:24 AM

if he ever tried to pull rank on her, she would either be so startled that it would work or she would unhinge her jaw and eat him

so he's never tried

he doesn't want to! very few people on Tau Ceti even want to be in charge, both because it's like herding cats who will hate you if they catch you herding them and because the finely honed distrust of authority doesn't go away when you become authority

Anonymus, 5:26 AM

"I'm pretty sure I'm up to some bullshit"

5:27 AM

yeah, Gwendolyn spends a lot of time with these sad transplants from other communities, nearly all of them women (because for SOME REASON women tend to get excommunicated WAY MORE OFTEN. HUH. are there ADDITIONAL RULES for WOMEN? I DON'T SEE ANY)

and they're like "please I am so sad and scared just tell me what to do"

and she wants to be like "I am not the boss of you, you have to be the boss of you" but they often are not ready for that, so she just tries to get a sense of what they want to do or what might be healthiest for them and tells them her strong recommendation is that they do that thing

everyone in her community knows she is passionate and can get fired up about some of this stuff, she doesn't hide that, but also, there are some conversations she (a only has with her wife and also (b has had with her wife a number of times

they are basically "our community is like 55% traumatized exiles from other communities and like 30% traumatized people from This One Dude's Community specifically. he traumatizes women and girls and girls he calls women and gay people and parents with sick babies!"

"we have so so many people we take care of now who are so so shaken and traumatized and sad"

"and we only get the people who don't leave the faith entirely!"

"it's not fair! it's not fair that he gets to do that! it's not fair!"

because when you carry the faces of like twenty good people all traumatized by the same garbage person and all you can do is try to take care of them and send passive-aggressive letters, sometimes it sucks!

if they lived on the same planet and she could get there on a horse, she would have done something ill-advised by now. yelled, certainly

but then again, if she had been born on New Maryland she would be a super different person and if he had been born on Tau Ceti there would have been a hard upper limit on how much he could get anyone to listen to him

like, bad bullshit happens on Tau Ceti, but the first time he married a fourteen-year-old girl off to her rapist, his neighbors would have set him on fire

church of man neighbors, regular neighbors, possibly neighbors who are criminals, just all the neighbors

5:37 AM

so her wife listens to her cry and reads over her letters to Brinton to make sure she doesn't actually say anything Too Impolitic (I think her boss also reads them, but he's less invested)

and her wife has these new folks over for dinner and helps them find clothes for their kids and adapt their modesty rules to the thing where it's like, as hot as it is possible to be in Tau Ceti

5:38 AM

like, most of the summer it's like 120 degrees, on a brisk day in December it drops into like, the low nineties

5:39 AM

sometimes people from other communities are like "we do modesty more modestly than they do" and they have to be like "okay, your choices are us dressing this way or us using air conditioning, because people do die in real life of heatstroke sometimes, that is a thing that can kill you"

also, even before Gwendolyn came along, her previous pastor was definitely like "we're gonna make electric fans permissible. we're just... heatstroke sure does kill you in real life"

"particularly in Modest Dress"

she liked him. they had meetings like twice a month when she was young because she had A Lot of questions and her parents were less invested in the answers than she was

when she was like twelve, he was like "maybe they'll give you my job one day" and she was like "I don't want your job! you're the boss of people!" and he was like "they very much would not give you my job if you wanted my job, kiddo"

(even 50% of the organized crime leaders on Tau Ceti are like "hey, I'm not the boss of anybody, I'm just a guy you don't want to fuck with because of all of the friends that I have got"

"I am not the boss of you, but I do have this gun")

5:49 AM

final thought on Gwendolyn: she had a real hard time when Robert Thompson died, because that dude thought her faith was a good reason to murder a husband and father.

and like, that dude is a fucking asshole, obviously, but it's hard

and then Brinton puts out an editorial about it and it is the only time Gwendolyn and Tara's children ever hear one of their mothers swear

because she is usually super meticulous about that

but also, sometimes

there is a limit

she makes several attempts before she writes him her next letter and the subtext of the entire letter is just "fuck you SO much, I do not generally believe in Hell, however, I will make an exception"

there is a limit! a man is dead and his wife and daughter are grieving and then a dude who everyone thinks is, like, the pope of her puts out some bullshit like "of course we don't do hate crimes but also that dude who got murdered deserved it" bullshit

there is a limit she is past it!

5:53 AM

also, they have seven adopted kids

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of  Queen’s Gambit - Episode 1

I’ll start this long piece with a quote by Toni Morrisson. She once said : “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”

After watching Queen’s Gambit yesterday I rushed to the Internet to see if someone had written all of the things I am about to write, all of the symbols I saw in the miniseries, all of the dog whistles, the references.  I found articles about chess. About how the community had adopted the film, about which grandmasters the characters were based off of, about chess moves and theories, about production and the unexpected success of the series.

According to me, this is quite mediocre commentary. I eventually clicked on the New Yorker article that seemed to be a tiny bit smarter. After a couple of paragraphs I realized that the male writer was only going to rant about how the actress is “too pretty” to be Beth Harmon, and this seems to upset him. A lot.

But no one talked about Beth’s mother. Or the name of the series. Or the embroidery. The chess board. The tranquilizers. The math. The flashbacks. The exchange of queens. The sacrifice of the queen. Did no one see it? Or is it again one of those things; where the world is so obsessed with single mothers and representing them as huge, massive, quite literal train wrecks, but no one actually wants to look at them in the eye, talk to them, help them?

Let me tell you, as a single mother, this miniseries had me in tears the whole time. It’s really difficult to watch. It’s downright triggering.

Single mothers like to keep their silence. That’s because we know the world doesn’t like it when we start talking. It hurts. A lot. So instead, the world likes to make memes about how single moms are whores, how they are drunks or over worked. How they’re psychotic. How they ramble. They don’t make any sense. Bipolar. Crazy. How their children stare at the television all day, the way they microwave bad food. We laugh at them, and use them as comical relief in our ... what exactly? Cultural objects. Then we move on. We send a message to single mothers when we do this, and the message is important. You suck. Shut Up. Don’t exist. It’s your fault. 

We make an entire mini series about a single mother who killed herself to save her kid, we put on the television images that hurt and harm single mothers and then the public responds with nothing. They don’t even bat an eyelash. Miss the point entirely. Great series about chess! Except it’s not about chess. Not at all. It’s about raising children alone, when the world hates you. It’s about a trailer. In the middle of nowhere. A strong willed woman who was a mathematician in the 1940s. Who taught her daughter everything she could. Realized she couldn’t do more. And made the ultimate sacrifice, the queen’s gambit. The riskiest, most reckless, bravest move of all.

So let me tell you about what it’s like to watch Queen’s Gambit when you’re a single mother. So that somewhere in the AI, it’s written. So that when our great grand children will try to understand our times, they’ll read it.

I’ll write an essay for each episode. And in each essay I will review the important lession that Alice passed on to young Beth, and how this takes her to Moscow, where she can live a much more fulfilling life than in the U.S.A.

Lesson 1 : Find A Two Dimensional Algebric Plane. Study It. Control It.

I recently learned from instagram user @itllbeokbaby and Amsterdam based artist and weaver Liza Prins that the words textile and text have the same origin as the word texture. 

Text derives from the Latin textus (a tissue), which is in turn derived from texere (to weave). It belongs to a field of associated linguistic values that includes weaving, that which is woven, spinning, and that which is spun, indeed even web and webbing. Textus entered European vernaculars through Old French, where it appears as texte and where it assumes its important relation with tissu (a tissue or fabric) and tisser (to weave).

Women have been weaving, beading, sowing and stitching since the dawn of times. We also know that women used this technology not just to create clothes, tents or shoes. They used it as a container of information. As cultural DNA. 

In South America, in places where writing as we know of it was never created, women would bead important tribal information into skirts. They would then use the skirts as a database of the tribe. To track births, deaths, epidemics, droughts and other important group defining events.

In modern times, women still use embroidery as a means of expression. My memories from childhood contain strong images of my aunts and grandmothers, sewing my name and date of birth onto pillow cases, bathrobes and bedcovers. They would do this by the pool, at the bottom of the ski slopes, on the beach or in the train. They would engage into conversation as they embroidered; as this activity required some concentration, but not their full attention. It was their way of being present; but also transcending into the past and projecting into the future. They sewed our lives into the cloth.

I once heard my grandmother counting the holes in the cloth she was decorating with her beautiful colours. I asked what she was doing. She said that to build the letters on the cloth, you needed to count the squares. Two to the top, four to the right, ten to the middle, etc etc. I was quite mesmerized. I was maybe eight at the time, the same age as Beth when she loses her mother. I had started learning some math in school but somehow the math in school seemed to be presented to me as the epitome of something quite different than this excruciatingly feminine passtime. 

Math was presented to me as masculine, out of reach to us girls. And now I was disovering that these women in my family were geometry experts, fluent in linear algebra, and that at a higher level, they were database account managers.

In the first episode of the miniseries, in the first couple of minutes; we discover two Beths. The first Beth is in Paris, the beautiful, the chic; the glamourous Paris. Paris will always be the undisputed capital of Fashion. 

Paris is the undisputed capital of fashion not because it is the home of polluting massive textile industries like the ones in Pakistan or Zara’s empire in Spain. Paris is the capital of fashion because it is the capital of Haute Couture. And Haute Couture is custom made, sowed by hand, piece by piece, bead by bead, sequin per sequin. It is delicate. It is slow. It is sacred. It is what my aunt’s did. 

It is the opposite of industrial, the opposite of a sewing machine, the opposite of an engine. The opposite of yield failures, punching in and punching out. It is lace. Delicate, personal, eternal.

The second Beth we see is the eight year old Beth, that has just lost her mother. She stands on a bridge. Two cars have crashed into one another. And she stares on at the police officers. One says “Not a scratch on her. It’s a miracle”. The other says “I doubt she’ll see it like that”. 

My theory is that the miniseries explain how Beth eventually begins to “see it like that”. 

The first time we see 8 year old Beth she is wearing a dress, with her name embroidered on it. It reads Beth, in pink. Feminine. Purple flowers surround it. The embroidery is delicate. It’s on her heart. 

We follow eight year old Beth as she gets sent to an orphanage. In the first couple of scenes at the orphanage, we think, for a minute, that maybe Beth will be okay here. The head mistress smiles, has nice hair. Shows her around. Yes, the bed is by the lavatory, but at least she has a bed, a roof over her head.

We only start despising this new mother figure when she takes Beth to choose new clothes. Beth takes off her dress, and stares at her name, written on the front. The headmistress selects a white shirt and grey dress for Beth. She hands to her these new items, symbol of her new life, of her integration within the orphanage and later mainstream society. The headmistress then grabs the dress with the name embroidered and looks at it with disgust. Then, she says “I think we’ll burn this one” and disapears.

Beth then understands that she is no longer allowed to love her mother. That to fit in this school, this orphanage, to survive, she must let go of the embroidery and all of the things she associates with her mother. Her mother, in the words of the teacher was a “victim” of “a carefree life”. A free spirited whore, a lesbian, a witch. There’s a lot of words we liek to use to describe women who don’t conform. And Beth’s mother, as we learn, never conformed.

At night, Beth sees her mother’s eyes, she hears the last words her mother uttered before dying in the car crash. “Close your eyes”. She said it with tears in her eyes and an air of great determination. She knew what she was doing, which is something Beth doesn’t want to tell anyone. Not even her new friend Jolene. Beth’s secret is her mother wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t crazy at all.

Then, Beth discovers the board. One day, she gets sent to the basement and sees the janitor playing chess. Later in the miniseries, Beth tells the journalist from Life it was the board that attracted her. Not the pieces.

As the first episode unfolds, Beth learns that the squares have names. She learns the names. And at night when she looks up at the ceiling she sees the board. She visualizes the pieces moving on the 64 squares. She moves them in her mind and imagines all of the alternatives. What the board would look like if she moved this piece to that square. What would her opponent do then? 

To the journalist of the Life magazine, Beth says that the Chess board was a universe of 64 squares, and that she could control this space. All she had to do was study it.

The board is much like the cloth that Beth’s mother Alice would sew information onto when she was a young child. You count the squares and move your material through it. As you go, you make shapes, patterns, motifs. Beth looks up at the ceiling at night and the first night, without the tranquilizers, she sees her mother say “Close your eyes” which is too painful or such a young child. A young child doesn’t understand yet why a mother would say “Close your eyes” and then crash on purpose into a truck. A young child doesn’t know about the world yet.

Alice aknowledged that she was about to do something extremely risky, that the outcome was uncertain. Alice told Beth that she was going to purposely provoke the car crash. 

But when Beth takes the tranquilizers at night, and now that she knows about chess, she can transfer her love for her mother into her growing obsession with Chess. She looks up at the ceiling and instead of seeing Alice’s last thoughts, she sees the Chess board. Which is the small piece of universe that Alice controlled, when she was alive. The cloth that she sewed her daughter’s name on: “So that you’ll always remember who you are”.

[mr-humphries]

Might as well share this here. It's just a roleplay I did with myself over on BB Amino to cure my boredom, so dont expect it to be good fJFJEK

Peak my oc too 😩✨

_________

To be sent on a late soul collection was one thing, but the task of elimination was just baffling. Charlie would much rather be at home with that chonky little cat of his instead of being released on a life or death mission that could leave him extremely injured. But he knows better to disobey the higher-ups. Adjusting his glasses, Charlie remained cloaked in the shadow of a building, keeping his eye out for the target he was sent to rid of, one Alan Humphries, the fallen grim reaper who miraculously reappeared after the events of Crystal Palace, despite his partner having taken his life and 1000 souls were accounted for.

Whatever that blasted Undertaker has done with him, its messed up the entirety of Dispatch, dealing with taunts and attacks from the very same "reaper". And he was a good one at that. He was someone Charlie felt no reason to fight with.

He didn't have a say in this anyway.

Charlie flipped through his collection book, still awaiting the appointed time. Even at the slightest sound, he was on alert, a hand on his (cloaked) scythe, prepared to strike when he gets the chance. If only he was smarter than that, then he wouldve seen what was coming. A scythe. Right to face.

"Fancy seeing your face around here reaper," he taunted, while Charlie staggered and readied his own scythe, looking around in every direction "a fresh face like yours would make you someone fun to toy with" A grip on Charlie's shoulder startled him, making him spin around and attempt to attack whoever's behind him, which failed, and sent him flying into a corner. "Honestly mate, surely they would teach you better than that at the academy," a scythe blade pressed up to his throat "it's a little pathetic."

Charlie dropped whatever was in his hands and held them up, almost surrendering "I'm not sure what you want me to say, Humphries"

"Come on, what's with the formalities? I may be out hunting the Dispatch for my enjoyment and the sake of being rewarded quite generously, but you dont have to be formal about it, its weird-" Alan rolled his eyes, which had no real discernable colour, mainly faded or Grey, before peering back down at the reaper "so. What do you want?"

Charlie simply glared at the reaper standing above him, despite his short height, he was quite intimidating. "I want nothing from you-"

Alan scowled, pressing his scythe harder on Charlie's neck "come on now, you dont have to lie to me. I'm not a parrot. I wont be repeating anything to anyone else, but I will take something personally. So tread lightly regardless." Alan flashed him a soft smirk, just loving the defeat in Charlie's eyes. "I was sent to rid of you"

"Did Spears send you?"

"The Higher-ups sent me-" Charlie stopped glaring to stare into the wall beside him "I didnt want to be here, I had to go against my own will." Alan snickered at Charlie's remark "what's so funny about that?"

"The fact that Dispatch would rather save their own skins sending someone so under qualified for the job," Alan pulled the scythe away from Charlie, crouching in front of him with a smirk "Its kind of sad really... that they dont actually care for you and send you for a sacrifice~"

"You say that as if it's a terrible thing"

"Terrible? No no, better for me, but quite selfish indeed..." he chuckled.

"so, what I'm getting from this is Higher-ups are afraid of me?"

Charlie hesitated, "I wouldnt say afraid-" Alan groaned in response "you dont have to e going and defending them. They sent you out here to rid of me, and look at where it's getting you. Not very far."

"Regardless of what theyve done, I'm still alive like this because of them. I still have a bit of faith if getting redeemed, is that so wrong?"

"Oh you poor thing... thinking theres life after death... a redemption waiting for you just beyond the horizon," Alan got up, giggling, before a deadpan look came across his face when Charlie didnt laugh too "heaven doesn't exist, lad. All that waits, is hell, no matter how hard you work. Lower your expectations a little, 'kay?" Alan's smiled reappeared "now, if it's up to schedule I suppose we'll be meeting again. I'm free at 6 on wednesdays if your rather settle this over dinner," Alan turned and began to leave, waving him off "ta ta I guess."

Charlie quickly got up, stumbling as he ran after him "now hold on just a second!"

"Eh?"

"You work for undertaker- you mention he'd give you a generous reward for slaying the Reapers, right-?"

Alan raised an eyebrow, prompting Charlie to huff "you know, for a dangerous person you're not very considerate-"

"Why do you wanna know?"

Charlie remained silent for a moment, fiddling with his jacket sleeves before answering "just wanted to know."

Alan kept an brow raised, thinking for a moment "what do I get in return for this information, Junior?"

"anything. I'll let you have me. You can kill me, bring me back, whatever. I'll do anything. Justblet me know what Undertaker has."

Alan held a sceptical look on his face "... you know what, because you've been such a good sport. No. I'm not telling you a thing, itll be more torturous to live out that sad little life of yours- none of your business really."

Charlie glared "oh come on! I offered you whatever I can think of!!"

The "reaper" laughed "AH, BUT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TELL YOU!"

"what's wrong with you?!"

"tell you what, right, I'll compromise with you. I'll tell you what you want, but you have to tell me everything about Dispatch, dates, times of everything. With your shocking combat skills, you're most likely in general affairs..."

Charlie looked down, huffing "deal."

Alan smirked and chuckled, "good." He maneuvered in front of Charlie, knocking the scythe from his hand, taking a real tough grip on his tie and waist to pull him in close, whispering into his ear "when our deal is through... and Dispatch is completely out of commission... I can finally take back what was mine. My Eric~ and, oh, I haven't seen him in years. I'm sure it would be nice to catch up... wouldn't you think?" Charlie's eyes widened "and when hes finally returned, I can finally knock sense into that Michaelis, for making such a big deal of 1000 souls... it's what got My beloved killed after all." Alan let out a dark chuckle, making Charlie shiver, suddenly gasping for air when his tie was tightened around his neck, watching as Alan backed away "and you wont be getting in the way, correct?"

Charlie shook his head vigorously, choking for air when alan let go and the tie loosened slightly "Good. You're a great listener. Let me know when we shall meet again. Doesnt matter where, I'll always find you." 

Charlie kept choking for a moment, tearing up slightly as he glared up at the other, "I-I'll find out what I can- we'll meet tomorrow..."

"Glad you're cooperating. Til we meet again." He waved to Charlie, before walking off and leaving him to loosen his tie completely and try to breathe once more.

Oh how screwed he was.