#worried eddie diaz

[daniwib]

Welcome to the terrifying offspring born from the collective brainpower of @angelwithwingsoffire and @daniwib teaming up! After the tsunami that devastated Los Angeles, Athena goes to the rescue after a report of people in need of help. To her horror, she finds Christopher and Buck stranded amidst the wreckage of the city. And Buck’s leg is pinned — the same leg that had only just healed from being crushed by a ladder truck.

As time runs out, Buck is being crushed all over again, and Athena faces an impossible choice. With Christopher watching, she must decide: do the unthinkable, risking Buck’s career as a firefighter forever, or hesitate — and let the man beloved by the 118 die in front of the boy who might as well be his son?

Read on A03 here

[ Fic is complete, chapters will be posted weekly on Tuesday nights AEST ]

[bumblebee-be]

i need somebody to pull me out of this grave

Teen and Up Audiences | 2k | Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz

also on ao3

Five times Eddie yells for Buck and one time he whispers

or:

Eddie flashes back to the events of the night before while sitting in the hospital chapel. Bobby finds him there after awhile and the two have an important discussion about handling their new circumstance and what it means for them individually

5 times Eddie yells 

Buck!

He didn’t know yet. He didn’t know that Buck was already dead, that yelling wouldn’t do any good. The first shout cracked open something in his chest, spilling poison into his veins. It didn’t matter that he was injured too- he was moving. Buck wasn’t. Buck wasn’t moving . 

His world narrowed to one pinpoint- Buck hanging midair, not moving, not calling back to him. Nothing. Helpless, vulnerable. Bile rose in Eddie’s throat but he ignored it, starting to scramble up the ladder on shaking legs, gripping the sides with trembling hands as he tried to force himself to breathe.  

It didn’t matter that he was essentially climbing up a lightning rod in the middle of the storm. Let lightning strike twice, he thought, let it take him out too. Just let him reach Buck first. 

Buck!

He went up the ladder as quickly as he could manage, shouting, begging for any sign that Buck could hear him. He had lost his breath, he could barely manage the one word shout. I’m coming, it said, I’m coming for you, I swear. 

His gaze didn’t stray even for a moment, desperate for any sign of life from the limp form of his best friend. His partner. His coparent. Chris’s second father. One of the two people in this world Eddie doesn’t think he can ever possibly live without. 

Buck!

He was almost there, so close. Hang on, please, I’m almost there. I’m going to get you to safety. There was no response, still, as his voice broke and the plea tore its way from his throat, burning as it left and leaving an empty space inside him that was growing by the moment. Desperation clawed at his chest, tearing at his throat, flooding his veins with a burning chill that was worse than being hit by lightning. 

Buck!

He was at the top now, looking over the edge at the lifeless body below him. He could see his face- barely. His expression was slack, not even a twitch. Nothing. He looked- 

No. No, he’s not dead, he cannot be dead. Eddie shook his head, his breaths gasping pants now as he grabbed the line, yanking on it with everything he had. It wasn’t logical- he knows that, now- but at the time all he could think was in my arms, I need him in my arms. I need him to know I have him .  

A sob ripped itself from him as he failed to pull his partner up, defeat beginning to cloud his brain, panic clawing at his throat, tears threatening to choke him. 

Can you hear me?!

Buck! 

A desperate plea, begging for any sign of life- anything to hold onto aside from the red line connecting him to the person that dragged him to safety when he was convinced he was drawing his last breath, who he reached for with the last of his strength, who saved his and his sons lives in more ways than Eddie can ever define. 

Eddie has experienced the worst of what he thought the world had to throw at him. But this- this is the worst pain he has ever felt.  

Need more slack!  

He finally gave in, accepting that if he couldn’t pull Buck to himself, he could deliver him to the only other people he could ever trust with his life. He felt the distance between them as a physical force as it grew, the invisible tether that has always connected them straining as the red line grew longer, taking Buck further and further from Eddie.  

He was choking on it, he couldn’t yell anymore. The further Buck got, the less he could breathe. Panic clouded his brain, blocking out anything that was not Buck’s lifeless form that kept getting smaller and smaller. 

Buck! Buck, talk to me! Please, c’mon, come on Buck!

He doesn’t remember getting down the ladder. He doesn’t remember running toward the ambulance. The next thing he knew, he was shoving Bobby- shoving his Captain- aside, desperate to lay eyes on Buck. To see his chest rise and fall, to watch the breaths leave his mouth, to feel his pulse fluttering beneath his fingertips. 

Bobby didn’t let him, holding him back and shoving him away. Eddie didn’t hear anything he said other than you’re driving! And Eddie- Eddie could do that. He could drive, he could get Buck to the hospital in time. Three minutes. That’s what Bobby said. 

Eddie pulled into the hospital two minutes later, slamming the ambulance into gear and leaping from the car. He bolted around to the back, reaching the doors just in time for them to be taking Buck on. He knows he shoved someone- he doesn’t remember who- but it didn’t matter because he was on top of Buck, beginning compressions. 

If Buck’s heart wasn’t going to beat on its own, Eddie would do it for him.  

Then he was being pulled off, and voices were shouting, and it all became a blur. Bobby yanked him away as a nurse swore they would do all they could. 

Not enough! Eddie wanted to shout, All you can isn’t enough unless you save him!

But his voice was raw and his throat burned and the words refused to come out as Bobby directed him away.  

The last several hours have been a blur. 

Eddie’s in the hospital’s chapel now. 

He doesn’t remember coming here.

He doesn’t know why he’s here. 

He hasn’t prayed in a long, long time. He decided- he’s not totally sure when- that if there was a God, He had nothing to offer Eddie but false hope and empty promises. He decided he would no longer beg someone who wasn’t listening for help, that he would never beg for help again. Not when he can help himself. 

But he can’t help Buck. 

So he’s here. His St. Christopher medal is clenched tightly in his fist, tears burn his eyes. His cheeks are wet and his throat is so raw from screaming and sobbing that even breathing hurts. He stares at his hand, at the St. Christopher medal resting in it. He doesn’t look up at the altar. He can’t. 

He doesn’t think he wants to pray. He doesn’t know. He needs- he needs to do something. But praying now… it feels false, like a ploy to convince himself he’s somehow helping. But is faith really faith if it’s only for the security of knowing you’ve tried everything? 

It all replays in his head, the shouts echoing in his mind on a continuous loop. If he closes his eyes, all he sees is Buck’s body- his corpse hanging from the line that Eddie clipped him to. The ladder Eddie let him go up. The rain falling all around them, beating down on Buck’s pale face. The flashing lights all around them. Everything a blur aside from the sharp focus on Buck.

He’s already thrown up at least once since they took Buck away, but nausea still twists in his stomach, acid rising in his throat. Clenching his jaw tightly, he closes his fist around the pendant, the edges biting into his skin. Saint of travelers, protective against sudden death. He and Chris were going to give Buck one for his next birthday. Eddie welcomes the pain, squeezing tighter as he clenches his jaw, silent tears dripping down his cheeks. 

“You saved his life, Eddie.” 

Eddie starts at the voice, jerking his head around just in time to see Bobby slide into the pew next to him. He looks like a wreck, his face exhausted and eyes bloodshot. Bobby doesn’t often look old, but right now he seems weighed down by his years, the lines in his face sharp and heavy. This is killing him, just as it’s killing Eddie.

“I failed him,” Eddie bites out, looking away again. “I fucking- he died, Bobby. I didn’t fucking save him.”  

“His heart is beating now.”

“But he may never open his eyes again,” Eddie chokes out, tears flowing faster now as he lifts his fist to his forehead, hitting it lightly over and over. “He might never wake up.”

Bobby’s fingers wrap around Eddie’s wrist, pulling his fist away gently. Eddie starts to fight, but finds he doesn’t even have the energy to do that. 

“You got to him in time, Eddie. That line saved him, gave him the chance he has now.”

“It should have been me.”

Bobby is silent for a moment and Eddie turns to look at him. He sighs deeply, then meets Eddie’s gaze. “That’s what Buck said. When you were shot. And before that, with the well. He begged me to let him go down after you when you cut your line.”

The breath is punched from Eddie’s lungs, escaping him in a sharp breath. “He-?”

“I told him no.” Bobby looks towards the altar. “I told him we didn’t need two cut lines. He was desperate, Eddie. We all- we thought you were dead. But we couldn’t tell him, not then. He was infuriated we would even imply you might not still be down there. You all think he’s dead. That’s what he said to me, when I told him we couldn’t dig our way to you. He looked- God, Eddie, he looked so betrayed that we might have lost even a bit of faith in finding you.”

“He never-” Eddie’s breathless, his head spinning. “He never- no one ever told me-”

“You found your way back to us, Eddie. To him. Now you have to trust he’s going to do the same.” 

Eddie hasn’t stopped crying and a fresh wave of tears burns as they track down his face. His voice is small, broken, when he begs, “And what if he doesn’t?” 

Bobby’s jaw ticks and his expression cracks and Eddie realizes how fucking unfair this is. Bobby has already lost two children, he can’t lose another. Eddie should be comforting him, not the other way around. 

“I’m sorry, I-”

“No,” Bobby cuts him off, raising a hand. “No, we aren’t doing that. Not now, not yet. We have to believe. I’m going to pray. And you…” Bobby looks at him and his expression softens. “You should go to him, Eddie. You need to. You and Chris, if you think he’ll be up for it.”

“Buck would never want Chris to see him like this,” Eddie whispers, the thought shattering his heart. 

“He needs to hear you, feel you. Both of you.” Bobby smiles a small, sad smile. “He needs to remember why he has to fight.”

Eddie draws in a sharp, shaky breath and nods. “Are you gonna be okay?”

Bobby turns his gaze back to the altar, his breath trembling as he inhales slowly. “I’m going to try. That’s all any of us can do right now, and we have to. For Buck.”

Eddie nods again, firmer this time. “For Buck.” 

+1 time he whispers

Eddie settles into the chair beside Buck’s bed shakily, his hands trembling as he studies Buck’s face. This is… it’s all wrong. The tube breathing for him. The slack expression on his face. The hospital gown. The beeping machines. All of it. It’s wrong. 

Usually, Buck looks peaceful when he sleeps. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite things, strange as that sounds. Watching the lines and anxiety disappear, fading into a sweet innocence and openness that Eddie can’t believe he’s allowed to witness. 

Shakily, Eddie takes Buck’s hand between both of his, pressing the St. Christopher pendant into his palm and squeezing lightly. He lifts one hand to Buck’s forehead, gently brushing aside the loose curls. They’re free of gel right now, washed away by the rain. Eddie loves Buck’s natural hair, but right now all it does is send a sharp lance of pain through Eddie’s chest. He clasps Buck’s hand with both of his again, lowering his head to press his forehead against their joined hands. 

“Please,” he whispers. “ Buck, please come back to me.” 

[evanbuckleyrecs]

Title: over the edge

Written by: adorkable_buddie

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, M/M

Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)

Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bobby Nash, Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley, Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Carla Price, Howie "Chimney" Han

Additional Tags: Suicide Attempt, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Mental Breakdown, Major Character Injury, Goodbyes, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotionally Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Divorce Era, Worried Eddie Diaz, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, trigger warning, This story is NOT graphic, but may be triggering, So I've included the dead dove tag

Words: 5740

Summary

He inches slightly as he braces himself on the edge of the roof. He’s ready. More ready, maybe, than he’s ever been. The soles of his shoes are pressed flush to the wall of the building and his hands grip the course edge of the building. He looks down at the city commotion, then up at the Big Dipper constellation (the first one he could ever identify as a kid). He feels his heart finally slow down to an acceptably calm rhythm. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t feel anything anymore. He doesn’t hear anything.

He doesn’t hear the door the roof open, nor does he hear the blood-curdling scream behind him.

Or;

Buck has never felt so alone in his entire life. The noise and the hatred and pain is loud and he wants it to stop. So he decides to make it.

My notes: Please read the trigger warnings before reading!

I found this so beautifully written. I've often tried reading stories like this but I've never found one that was as good as this one. Realistic writing, had me on the verge of tears. If you're in need for some angst and these topics won't trigger you, I definitely recommend this one!

[fromxxthexxashes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han, Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson Additional Tags: Depressed Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Depression, buck has depression, buck spirals a bit, Eddie is there for him, buck gets back into therapy, buck's feelings about maddie leaving, buck trying to pull away, eddie won't let him, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Getting Together, supportive firefam, Supportive Bobby Nash, Supportive Eddie Diaz, could be considered a holiday fic?, Christmas is mentioned, Angst, but it gets better Summary:

It starts when he breaks up with Taylor. Or maybe it starts when Maddie leaves again, when Chim tells him over and over again that he's done with him. Maybe it even starts when Eddie was shot, when Buck's entire world crumbles in front of him for the thousandth time and he can't do anything except sit back and watch.

Buck can't take everyone leaving him again, can't take being alone anymore. So this time, he leaves first.

Or he tries to. Eddie doesn't let him. When Buck pulls away, Eddie follows him. And Buck finally lets himself break.

 Notes: If you’re ever in the mood for some character angst, like I sometimes am, this is a good one to read. This is Buck centric, and it deals with his mental health in a way I sometimes would like the show to do, but alas. Rest assured, there is NO Chimney or Maddie or 118 bashing in this. I would never recommend something like that. This is from Buck’s POV, so it means it leans more on his side of things, but I didn’t think the author was unfair to anyone. As well as the angst, there is forgiveness. So, it’s got a nice hopeful aspect to it too. (I also love how Eddie and Buck getting together doesn’t just magically cure Buck’s depression. I love me some accurate and not over romanticized depictions of mental health issues)

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

5x1 | 7x9

[thegaybluejay]

Eddie with every woman ever, including Ana who was super sweet and a perfect match on paper: I’m sorry but I can’t do the ready-made family thing😔I just don’t think we’ll work. This just doesn’t feel right.

Eddie with Buck: Here’s a key to my house🥰Oh and you’re my son’s legal guardian in my will btw🥰Also if I can’t talk to you because of this lawsuit, I’m gonna lose my shit because ILYSM and me and OUR son miss you🥺

[maxanor]

9-1-1 | Season 8, Episode 4, ‘No Place Like Home’

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Buck, out of nowhere: Do you ever just want to be euthanized like a sick dog?

Eddie: Not anymore.

Chim: No?

Hen: No- what the fuck, are you okay, Buck?

Buck: Great! Me neither!

[calyssmarviss]

“What did we say about rushing into crumbling buildings?”

[flamingtoads]

Seen this and I think it should be a plot of a future 911 episode!!

[hurtingbuck]

me @ eddie diaz

[daniwib]

Highly amused that this promo poster of Buck appears to feature the 6th Street Viaduct in the background - the very same one I hurl him off in my current whump fic A thousand pieces on the floor !

[chronicowboy]

no okay actually. i am unhealthily attached to hoover the dog and his abandonment issues and also doggirl buck buckley so here we go. buck spends a lot of time in animal shelters on his days off after eddie leaves. when the loft feels too empty and the loneliness starts creeping in loud and heavy and dark, he grabs his keys and heads out. at first he thinks he's going to do it. he's going to get a cat. but the thought of an animal as independent as a cat makes him want to claw at his own skin. he'd need it more than it'd ever need him he thinks. so he just goes to look. and one day there's a dog identical to hoover. and he's heartbroken. he calls eddie up and tells him that he thinks he saw hoover at a shelter and he's rambling away about asking bobby who he ended up giving the dog to so he can find out if they died and he had nowhere else to go or worse. if they're still alive and just didn't want him anymore. and eddie tries to pull him out of his heartbreak with a little joke so he says "they probably valued their home, that little gremlin tore my house apart when chris and i tried to leave for school one morning" and buck goes very quiet. very very quiet. too quiet. because yeah. yeah he gets it. he'd have torn eddie's house apart too if he'd have thought it'd get him to stay but people don't stay for bad dogs. (they don't stay for good dogs either, buck thinks, they don't stay for bad dogs trying soso hard to be good dogs). he and eddie say goodbye and buck turns around before he can think about it. he's asking to see hoover. and he doesn't know if he'll remember him, but he sits down to appear a little less intimidating to such a tiny dog and hoover crawls right into his lap and asks for chin scratches just like he used to and buck. buck asks if he can adopt him. and he knows he can't have dogs at his apartment especially not such a loud one but well. eddie's house is still on the market. buck's been looking for an excuse to take it off.

[evanbuckleyrecs]

🔒 locked for non ao3 users but got permission from the author

Title; Presumed Dead

Written by: inkinmyheartandonthepage

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Catagories: m/m

Relationships: Buck/Eddie

Tags: Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan Buckley's and Maddie Buckley's Parents, Hurt Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley Needs A Hug, Confused Evan Buckley, Irritated Evan Buckley, Pre-relationship Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan Buckley Whump, Evan Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Evan Buckley Deserves Better, Worried Fire Fam, Worried Eddie Diaz, Protective Eddie Diaz, Comforting Eddie Diaz, Emotional Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan Buckley, Eddie Diaz Needs A Hug, Relieved Eddie Diaz, Firehouse 118 Crew as Family, Worried Firehouse 118 Crew, Firehouse 118 Family Feels, Protective Firehouse 118 Crew, Protective Athena Grant, Athena Grant Acting as Evan Buckley's Parental Figure, Worried Athena Grant, Minor Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, BAMF Athena Grant, Worried Bobby Nash, Bobby Nash Acting as Evan Buckley's Parental Figure, Protective Bobby Nash, Worried Howie 'Chimney' Han, Worried Henrietta 'Hen' Wilson, Presumed Dead, only the bad guy dies, Evan Buckley's Jeep is Stolen, Theft, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Family Feels, Evan 'Buck' Buckley Lives, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, The Universe Does Scream, Buddie

Words: 4,439

Summary:

The fresh air was supposed to have been good for Buck. A small hike that he had done a million times. A nice hike that gave him a workout and at the same time allowed him to sift through his thoughts and feelings and to focus on what he really wanted.

Instead, he’s stuck in the middle of nowhere at a rest stop watching some asshole drive away in his jeep.

OR

The 118 crew arrive a fender bender only to find it's Buck's jeep on fire and the body inside dead and burning.

[dannyuta]

9-1-1 | 7x05: You Don't Know Me

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

5x11 | 7x9