#worm!jason au

[joekitsu]

Would you still love me (When I'm no longer young and beautiful?)

Ao3 Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63693112

Part 1/3(?)

Word count: 7102

Main relationship: (PLATONIC) Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd

Additional tags: Hurt/comfort, Canon typical violence, angst, insecurity, Good parent Bruce Wayne (!!!), Batfamily feels.

Summary: Jason had underestimated Bruce’s paranoia when he asked him that question. It seems he had also underestimated how much the universe loved fucking things up for him.

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Gotham never quite had quiet nights. The cursed city almost always had something going on in its long shadows, a mugging, a robbery in the making, an assault, a hostage situation. Never silent, never calm, Gotham seemed to roar with chaos. Gotham quiet was never quiet, it was still noisy in every way that mattered.

Today was quiet. Not a single leaf fell to the ground, not a single wave crashed into the polluted docks of Gotham bay. All the rogues were already locked up tight in Arkham. There was no alarm blaring over the police radios, no Bat-signal lighting up the foggy night sky acting like a deterrent to criminals. Quiet. Unnervingly so. A quiet like this never spoke of good things.

The Red Hood stood on a rooftop with his guns in his hands, wary eyes scanning over his territory in the decrepit city. Even Crime Alley was silent, even the wind refused to howl in his ear. Stray dogs laid in their cardboard shelters in the dead stillness, not even looking up as rats scurried into nearby sewers. None of this reassured the gunslinging vigilante, only made the sick feeling in his gut worsen.

Jason had been so ready to call it quits before midnight fell, mind still racing over the vicious argument he had had with Bruce a few days ago. Bruce had been overbearing the past couple of weeks, invading on his patrol routes, commenting on his violent methods, ordering him around like he was still part of his nest, like he was still sweet, innocent Robin-

He shook his head, physically waving away the memory of Bruce’s face pinched in frustration, his voice calling after him as he rushed out of the Batcave, brushing past Alfred without a passing word or goodbye. He had gone straight to his shitty apartment and fallen into bed, wrapping himself in the sheets without dinner (he had been supposed to join them at the table today, but he just had to blow up, damnit-) and skipped out on patrol. Dick had called him the next day, enquiring about him and catching him up on what had happened last night when he hadn't joined patrol. The other man had probably wanted to reassure him that nothing had gone amiss in his absence, but he only succeeded in making Jason’s guilt and frustration worsen. Batman had patrolled Crime Alley when he was unaccounted for, and a drug smuggling ring had been shut down by the Bat clan, cleanly and efficiently. Without him.

They had no issues without him. They hadn't needed him.

He had gritted his teeth through the next two days, chasing down petty criminals and stopping drug distributions left and right. He went out of his way to avoid the rest of the Bats, still seething with directionless anger and soul-crushing sadness. He had ignored injuries, let the bruises take him further from his current issues and had let his body run on survival instinct as he rounded up his spoils. He knew he had been violent, savage, and the criminals knew that twice over.

Which was probably the reason for this unnatural silence, he tried and failed to reason to himself. None of the Bats liked quiet nights, former members or otherwise. The churning feeling in his stomach had not abated no matter how thoroughly he had swept through the streets, looking for any lurking suspicious goons. It simply grew till it crept up into his lungs, suffocating him in silent rage and worry.

Barely heard footsteps caught him before he spiralled, the careful nature of their falls already alerting him to their origin. He let the groan build up in the back of his throat and fall from his lips as he turned. A dark figure formed in the shadows of the rooftop, what should have been heavy footsteps dampened by training, only loud enough to alert those trained to pick up on their sound as a signal of his arrival. The swish of that long cape and the outline of a cowl confirmed his worst fears.

The Batman had decided to patrol Crime Alley again.

He did not react to the loud groan or the quiet sigh that followed when he strode forward to join Jason in looking over the area. ‘Insufferable bastard,’ Jason scoffed to himself.

“You really don't learn do you? What part of ‘leave my territory alone’ do you not understand?” Jason snarled as Bruce turned to look at him blankly. That thrice damned cowl, always hiding away what the older man felt. Hiding away the windows to Bruce’s soul, the gateway to understanding him. Jason had once been the best at it, now he doubted he could do it even with the cowl off.

They had both changed a lot since that horrible day in Ethiopia. Jason had grown some 2 feet taller and years older, had gained new calluses on his palms from training not obtained from his father’s gentle guidance, his hair had obtained a skunk streak and he had one day woken up to find out he was now not lactose intolerant. Bruce had a couple more laugh lines cutting through the planes of his moon-pale skin, his favourite ice cream flavour was now a coffee abomination as opposed to the salted caramel he used to get on late night patrols because his birds liked to steal it from him, his hair was greying at his temples from the stress of a life of stopping crime and he fought like he finally had people behind him, backing him up. Like he finally trusted them to do so.

Jason used to be the best Bruce-whisperer ever, nowadays he feared he couldn't recognise the man he once called dad. He feared his dad wouldn't recognise him either.

The silence dragged on for a few painful moments. Bruce still refused to respond to his question, staring at, staring through Jason like he did when he had a lot to say but was not saying them, emotionally repressed bastard that he was. White-hot anger pulsed through him as the seconds flew by, before Batman's modulator-affected voice broke the silence.

“You were patrolling without joining the comm lines.” The accusation in his voice was apparent, gravelly and modified though it was, and Jason couldn't help but bristle like a sodden cat at it. There it was, another taunting illusion of him still having a place in their midst when they so clearly didn't need him. All those dinners and brunch dates he was invited to but never attended, those playful jabs passed around over comms that he did not intrude on, that rain-soft bell chime chuckle drifting over the lines in exasperation and slight amusement at the stray joke that made him smile without the effects of his modulator; things he never would experience with them because he was not Robin. Not anymore.

He was Red Hood, the crime lord turned anti-hero, the one with crumbling morals and a hair-thin fuse. He was not the second Robin who ran around claiming he was magic, was not the 13 year old who buried his face into his father’s chest to listen to the man’s voice rumble through his body like a gentle thunderstorm, was not the boy who chased Dick around the manor for dog-tagging his book. He was not the Jason they had buried in a new tuxedo. He was not his father's son anymore. He was not the Jason Peter Todd-Wayne they remembered, the one they wanted him to be.

He turned away, his eyes threatening to flood green the longer he stared at Batman’s unmoving form on the rooftop. A cruel mocking laughter spilled out of his mouth before he could stop it, words aimed to hurt like acid following. “Right, just another way for you to control what I do, huh? Fuck that. I'm not part of your motley crew, and you don't get to just boss me around.”

That damned impassive cowl, that damn decade-trained steady form, nothing that indicated a reaction to Jason’s words was visible on Bruce. His hands were tucked under the cape wrapped around him, concealing his body from sight and the (for once) non-existent breeze. His jaw was tense, but that was nowadays par with the course. All at once he could recall a time when Bruce didn't have quite so much tension lining his body, when his smiles cost less and his love even lesser, but that memory slipped away like sand washed under a tide.

There was a barely present hesitance growing in the air the longer they remained in the oppressive silence, something building up in Bruce’s throat but not leaving the dam of his lips. Jason’s impatience only grew, irritation flaring in his gut and mixing with the lingering unease. Batman’s cowl lens flashed as his mouth opened once, twice, before finally calling his name. “Jason,” he began before pausing again, the visible part of his face grimacing, “I- I’m not- we were simply worried-”

Before he could respond, before he could conjure up the vitriol brewing in his chest, two simultaneous pings cut through the atmosphere and drew their attention to their communicators. Only a direct team-wide notification from Oracle could override the restrictions Jason had added to his comm. Dread pooled in his stomach once again, rising and falling like waves attracted to the turmoil in his heart.

“One incoming hostile identified, heading towards Park Row in T-minus 3 minutes. Identity unknown, not one of the rogues.”

“Keep us updated, Oracle. Red Hood and I are on-site. We will handle it. Standby for backup.”

Protests rang out over the comms, Damian loudly demanding to be allowed to join their father in facing the enemy. Dick, ever the loyal and protective son, immediately affirmed himself for backup on standby. Tim had pulled up security cameras following the route highlighted by Oracle, relaying that they couldn't find any evidence of a presence other than a dark blurry figure racing towards Park Row. Their abilities were unknown, their skill set unknown. They were going in completely blind. Jason was going in blind with Bruce for company.

Great. He knew this dreadful fucking quiet wouldn't last long. Fucking fantastic.

It was the evening after Valentine’s day and Jason was completely sick of it. Every single social media platform was overflowing with either sappy scenes of love, women bragging about the gifts their partners had given them, or unrelenting and horrifying drama that frankly shouldn't have been posted on the internet for the sake of the people involved.

‘Or not,’ he shivered as he recalled some of the exposing type videos he had seen, ‘I guess some of those shitbags deserved being called out on the internet.’

Jason’s school had even allowed for the students to exchange letters in the name of friendship, and he had watched the popular pretty girl cringe at some of the letters she had received. Seriously, if people had the balls to give the prettiest girl in school a card, they should at the very least ensure to write it legibly. That horrible pickup line written in a destructive chicken scratch he spotted in the corner of his eye would've made lesser men cry.

Other than the disgusting sappy flowery shit that was circulating, one old trend had resurfaced both online and in real life as it did every year. Everywhere he turned, swiped or clicked, someone was asking another person the million dollar question that could make or break a relationship.

No, it wasn't ‘Will you marry me?’ as he almost wished it was

It was, of course, ‘Would you still love me if I was a worm?’

Ugh, he could gag.

The age-old question was tossed around like spare change from one couple to another, nobody seemed to be immune from the urge to ask it. Even Dick had fallen prey to the compulsion, having bought a bouquet of flowers and expensive designer chocolate (with his own money, as he liked to remind them) for Koriand'r before he had asked the question. She hadn't really understood the purpose of the question (if it did have one), but her enthusiastic ��yes' had appeased his sorta-maybe older brother. Jason was almost thankful he didn't have a partner, lest he turn into one of these sappy people. He was just 14, thank you. No hypothetical worm-transformation scenarios for him.

Instead of calling Alfred to pick him up after school as he usually did, he had requested him and Bruce to allow him to walk home today. The walk had been peaceful for the most part, the sky had taken on a soft gradient from bright midday blue to the cooler tones of the approaching evening. He entered the manor, a little later than usual, heading into the kitchen with his belongings to ask Alfred for something to snack on as he did his homework. What greeted him wasn't the elderly butler fussing over a pot on the stove, but rather a mound of scented letters and flowers spilling out of large bouquets. The combined cloying smell of artificial sweetness and an obscene amount of pollen had made his stomach roll and he backtracked, regretting his life choices when Alfred had entered, carrying what looked to be several empty garbage bags and a tray in his gloved hands. He paused when he took in Jason’s form, his nose and mouth covered by his hand, and sighed. He must've seen the big red question mark hovering over the boy’s head, deciding that an explanation and context was necessary. The Englishman moved his gaze to the overfilled center counter, working on stuffing the flowers into a garbage bag and placing the particularly pretty ones on the tray as he spoke.

“Welcome back, Master Jason. I hope you had a good day in school today. Do forgive the mess, I was not expecting your arrival and did not have the time to clean up Master Bruce’s mail yet.”

Bruce’s mail.

Flowers and scented letters.

Bruce’s mail?

Oh. Right. Valentine’s day. His father was one of the most eligible bachelors in the whole of America. How could he forget?

It had been a year since Bruce had decided to take him in after he tried to steal his tires, and Jason could pretty safely say that it was the best thing to have ever happened to him. Bruce had given him a home, food and clothes, a stable means to the education he craved so much, and most of all, he had given him family. It was pretty obvious how awkward Bruce was when dealing with emotions, how he rarely let himself succumb to their devastating pull. But he tried. He tried, for Jason, for Dick, and for Alfred.

He ruffled his hair with every minor achievement, sneaked him out for ice cream during and out of patrol without Alfred’s knowledge, sat with him and did his homework with him even if he had other work to do. He had cooked for him when he had fallen ill with a nasty flu and had sung him to sleep in a dreamy low baritone. He had held him through his breakdowns, he had paid for his mother’s funeral, he had single handedly turned Jason’s life around, made it into something actually worth living, something better.

(The first time Jason had called him dad, Bruce had honestly been moved to tears. Jason barely had the time to realise the implications of what he had said before he was pulled into his father’s chest in an all encompassing embrace, Bruce’s quiet love permeating their shared space and saturating his surroundings. Bruce’s wide torso bent forward, covering him completely before he had moved back, getting down to his eye level. Jason had never felt more secure than the moment his father had held him so close, his heartbeat strong and steady in his chest, beating so close to his ear. They had cuddled and talked for over two hours that day, reassuring each other of their love and mutual affection. Bruce had then carried him to bed like he was simply 5 years old, had tucked him in despite his half-hearted protests and pressed his lips to the furrow of his brow and the peak of his forehead. His own way of saying ‘I love you’, the safe way, he had realised when he saw Bruce do the same for Dick after he had gotten injured during a mission with the Titans.)

Knowing your father was famous for his looks and style was one thing. Realising how true that fact was was a whole different can of worms. Realizing what that fact meant for him as the son of said man famous for his ethereal looks and charming personality was something Jason would not like to experience again. Jason had not come to terms with it yet, always dogging Bruce’s heels at the galas he attended, claiming his attention like a tiny rain soaked pup. He had almost bitten off a man’s hand when he had wandered too close to Bruce once. Dick had sneaked into his room that day after Bruce had left for patrol just to give him an approving thumbs up before leaving. Alfred had lectured him about gala etiquette, but the extra cookie for dessert didn't fool anyone.

This new knowledge caused him to scrunch his nose in disgust at the piled up junk on the counter. Heaven knows what crap they had written in those letters and what they had added to those flowers. Jason hoped Alfred was turning them into incinerator fuel. He could already bet 20 dollars on there being a letter written by a parasocial creep asking if his ‘beloved Brucie’ would love him if he became a worm, followed by a truly 0/10 shitty pun. Alfred smiling in amusement at the visible disdain on his face, continuing to clean up the counter, soon accompanied by a smaller pair of hands. Together, Jason and Alfred had cleared the entire mail before Bruce returned from the unavoidable Wayne Enterprises meeting he had scheduled for today.

Barely-there footsteps alerted Alfred to his ward’s arrival, and the butler’s shifting attention clued Jason in on the new arrival. Jason quickly got rid of the last of the evidence as Alfred set up a few snacks for the father-son pair to enjoy with newly brewed tea. Just as both of them were done with their respective tasks, Bruce had entered the doorway to the kitchen, one hand working on loosening his tie and the other musing up his gelled hair. His eyes fell on Jason’s smiling face and Alfred’s fond expression, tension leaking out of his shoulders in waves as he moved to take a seat on the barstools next to the counters. His socked feet were hefted onto the stepping bar on the stool, his hands folding onto the counter as he looked at his son and his father figure together in a shared space. It still made him unnecessarily happy to see his family sharing space and working together, a small smile blossoming on his face, lifted into place by the smell of fresh cookies and tea, ballpen ink and cheap printed A4 paper.

“Evening Alfred, welcome back Jason. How was school today, chum?”

The boy beamed at the older man, sun warmed skin splitting as a boyish grin covered his face. “Welcome back Bruce! I hope your meeting was more interesting than last time. Let me tell you, lunch hour was crazy! Anne Cathy rejected Kelly Cooper in front of the whole cafeteria and it was-” As the pair fell into middle school gossip, Alfred chuckled to himself before moving to start on supper preparations, keeping an ear out as Jason recounted the drama that occurred over lunch and bled into the rest of the day. Bruce was invested in the story, amusement shining in his eyes as he watched his son continue to detail out the witness stories and backgrounds of the pair involved. Apparently, Kelly Copper had given Anne Cathy a card for Valentine’s day and had asked her out on a dare, hoping for an easy acceptance, except Anne had ruthlessly torn into him in vengeance, airing out his dirty laundry and humiliating him in front of 40 or so other middle schoolers. It was basically a social death sentence. By the end of the day, Kelly had fallen from his Sports Star status to yet another average middle schooler, just with tons more embarrassing stories staining his throne in tomato splatters. Middle schoolers could be more cruel than Gotham high society at times.

As laughter erupted and eventually petered out into a warm joy, a sudden thought made Jason stop and face a moral dilemma. Was he really considering doing this? When he had just spent the whole afternoon mock gagging over this cheesy bullshit? On one hand, the idea of asking Bruce the question was intriguing, as it was bound to bring about unexpected and funny results. On the other hand, it was very cringey. Jason took a few seconds to debate the pros and cons over in his head, weighing each option on an imaginary scale before coming to his conclusion.

It may be cringe, but at least he would be cringe and free. Also, watching Bruce flounder when asked that question would be so worth it.

“Bruce?” His father inclined his head, signalling for Jason to go on with his query. A teasing smirk fit onto Jason’s face as he spoke the next few words. “Would you still love me if I became a worm?”

Silence fell over the room as Bruce turned to stare at him blankly. Jason could practically see the hundred thousand geared machine that was Bruce’s mind turn and run to try and comprehend what he was just asked. Jason could even see him trying to come up with an answer that he thought wouldn't offend his son who clearly asked him a serious question, as if he hadn't asked it just to watch Bruce try and come up with an answer for fun. Bruce was nothing if not an overthinker, and he was obviously debating all the common answers one would give to someone who asked them such a question.

‘Yes I would’? Have you considered what that means for you as a human who would love and raise a worm?

‘No I wouldn't’? So you would deny any affection for me simply because I am not like you?

‘It's complicated’? Oh Fuck you, you sorry coward. Escaping the question in such an obvious answer.

There was no right answer to the question and only one widely semi-accepted solution to it (something only the people completely serious about it would accept). No matter what Bruce answered, Jason would have a retort ready to make him more confused. It was a master plan of epic proportions, the Riddler could never.

(Somewhere in Arkham Asylum, Edward Nigma sneezed.)

Bruce’s mouth opened. Closed. Opened. Closed again. He was doing a very accurate depiction of a goldfish and Jason was having the time of his life. Even Alfred looked amused, watching his indomitable Master Bruce, the World’s Greatest Detective, trip over himself for a simple question just so he doesn't accidentally offend his darling son’s delicate sensibilities.

By the time Bruce had collected himself enough to give Jason a clear answer, Jason had decided to relieve the man of his stress and moved to leave the room, snagging the last cookie off of the plate, grabbing his bag from the ground and climbing the stairs to his room. His laughter bloomed and blossomed, coating the walls of the Manor like a fresh coat of pearlescent paint. The hallways echoed with childish glee and innocent joy. The evening sun peeked in through the windows and the portraits covering the walls basked in the invited sunlight. Bruce’s home was lively once again.

That night after dinner, instead of leaving on patrol as he was wont to do, Bruce had knocked on his door, holding something behind his broad back with a slightly nervous look on his face. Jason opened the door for him, trying and failing to peek at what Bruce was holding as they both sat on his large soft bed. Jason watched as Bruce took a moment to properly gather his thoughts before he spoke.

“I… thought about your question.” he started, gaze shifting from Jason’s warm teal eyes to the floor and then the ceiling. “And. I think you brought up… a very valid concern.”

Now it was Jason’s turn to be confused and honestly kind of worried. What? That was supposed to just be a stupid question, aimed to poke fun at his dad. What did he mean by a ‘valid concern’?

“With the existence of magic and our, admittedly, lacking knowledge on how the art works, there is always a non-zero chance of something similar occurring in the line of duty. And. it would be optimal to have a safe space to contain an accomplice in that case. So.” His dad’s awkwardly rehearsed speech was only half heard as he continued to stare at Bruce in bewilderment. Bruce finally revealed just what he was hiding behind him. Jason gaped at him as a semi-large box was revealed to him. The words ‘Terrarium building kit’ in bold neon yellow block letters were plastered on all sides of the box, depictions of different living and self-sustaining biomes contained in glass containers popping out as backgrounds.

For a moment, Jason was completely sure his father was pulling his leg, but no. The set of his eyebrows and the glint in his eye revealed that Bruce was being completely, irrevocably serious about this.

“Do you want to build a terrarium habitat with me?”

He couldn't help it, Jason burst out in hysterical laughter, the pitch of his voice rising higher and higher like a helium filled balloon in an open concept home. Tiny tears escaped his eyes as he bent over himself, clutching his stomach as he laughed at the truly paranoid mind of one Bruce Thomas Wayne. He couldn't believe it. This was what his dad had been obsessing over most of the evening? This went beyond his expectations. No, it crashed straight past them like a wrecking ball. God, this was hilarious.

“B, B-man, Bruce, you can't be-” He hiccuped through his words, giggles interrupting him as he moved his gaze back to his father’s slightly bemused face. “Oh my god, you are actually so serious I can't- Hah! Dick would never believe this-” He continued laughing his ass off for a few more moments before Bruce realised the hilarity of the situation and he was joined by a hesitant and subdued windy laughter. He grinned at his dad, amusement leaking out of every cell in his body at the light chuckles he was releasing before he hopped off of the bed.

“Oh, I can't believe you are willing to miss patrol for this- Come on dad! We have a terrarium to build, contingencies to make, all that fun stuff.”

“It seems like a quiet day, what can I say?”

With that, the duo ventured into the Batcave, entering winding halls before Bruce showed him an honest to god Aquarium tank the size of a medium sized cabinet surrounded by bags of compost and terrarium soil. He gave him a small sheepish smile, palm running through his gently mussed hair as he tried to explain their existence to his laughing 14 year old. “The box is for one of those tiny tanks chum, you can not be thinking I would make you a tiny worm house, now would you?

The rest of the night was spent in the Batcave, shovelling dirt and sand into the tank. The activity was interrupted by stupid dad jokes and giggle fests so loud they disturbed Bruce’s pet cave bats. Bruce had allowed Jason to skip school the next day, calling Lucius to let him know he wouldn't be attending any meetings that day. Instead, the two of them had shared a hearty breakfast courtesy of Alfred, donned their best civilian disguises and ventured into the streets of Gotham in one of Bruce’s less fancy cars. They had visited parks, collected driftwood and broken branches and rocks with patches of moss Jason thought would look pretty. Bruce had patiently lugged around the containers containing their finding to and fro the car, had wadded into ponds after Jason trying to keep him from falling in the waters going after a particular piece of wood, had collected all the different kind of moss in the parks even though the kit came with a fast growing variety. They had then hit the hardware stores, buying humidifiers and screws and tubes of various sizes and other miscellaneous thingamagigs Bruce thought they would need (Jason had initially patiently let Bruce indulge in his love for building and mechanics in the hardware store, but that patience had quickly run out as he started to compare the pros and cons of two wrenches that looked virtually the same to him. If it had been up to him, he would have picked the cheaper one, but Bruce’s rich kid sensibilities would have never agreed with his assessment).

They had stayed out way past lunch time, buying and feasting on the kind of greasy fast food Jason liked and Bruce typically never indulged in because Alfred would never approve. They had licked their lips and Bruce had wiped the mess of sauce on Jason’s flaming face despite his squirming and kicking. They went back home with ice cream cones in hand and a car full of terrarium supplies, playfully jabbing at each other's choice of ice cream flavour. Alfred’s deadpan stare did nothing to quell the easy satisfaction in Jason’s heart as he and Bruce went straight to the cave to continue installing their little project.

By the time they were done, night had fallen and dinner was being served. The sweet caramel haze of the day had not faded in the slightest, the crunch of oreos in sugary cream stayed on his mind even as he pulled his blankets over his face to sleep. It was a school night and Bruce had made it clear he wouldn't be accompanying him on those days, so he settled for bed with laughter and gentle smiles drifting in his drowsy mind.

It was simply the best day ever.

They had never ended up using that terrarium. A non-zero chance was not a guarantee, and Jason had not stayed around long enough to see their little project be put to any use.

Bruce had almost taken an axe to the thriving biosphere in his desperate rage and drowning guilt one day. Instead, he simply moved the tank into a hidden room, curled around the glass enclosure and sobbed himself into restless sleep before it was time to patrol again. If the noses he had broken that day reminded him of his almost disastrous decision, that was only for him to know.

Batman and Red Hood quickly evacuated the rooftop, moving in long strides towards their hostile target. The tenseness of their previous conversation hung over them like the blade of a guillotine waiting to fall and divorce their heads from their bodies. It was hidden to the common eye, but a trained individual would be able to tell that they weren't really in the most optimal formation for a battle. Years of fighting crime together didn't hold up against family angst, it had been so long since they both stood side by side against a common enemy. Sure, Jason had been joining the Bats during their patrols and sometimes lent a helping hand, but he mostly stuck to long ranged cover. Even when he did join them in close combat, the Bats took care to pair him up with anyone other than the big daddy Bat. They were an active minefield waiting to explode at any given moment, and regardless of their professional nature on duty, no one trusted them to not blow up at each other when in close proximity. It was in everyone’s interest to not let them interact, and that choice meant they never got used to each other in battle again. That was really coming to bite them in the ass now.

Not that they were not adaptable if push came to shove (as it was, right now), it would have simply been easier to get used to each other before rather than during battle with an unknown entity.

The sharp clicking sounds of heels disrupted the tense silence that had fallen in the area, giggling so very reminiscent of a hyena’s laughter echoing off of Gotham’s narrow alleyways and tall walls. A short feminine figure emerged from the shadows, a comically large witch hat flopping around on her head. A manic grin was etched onto her face as her gaze immediately fell on the vigilante pair ready to lunge at her should she do anything to warrant it. The Batman had his signature batarangs lining every junction of his palms and the Red Hood’s hands were already loaded with his dual pistols. Her giggling intensified as she stared the pair down, stance loose and careless. Self assured. She had no visible weapon in sight, her long black pigtails swaying ever so slightly in Gotham breeze.

(Jason had to scoff, really? The breeze decided to blow right now of all times? Fuck Gotham Quiet man)

“Oh my! What a charming reception! The big bad bat and the red riding hood just to welcome little old me? I'm flattered!” her sardonic voice cooed. The pair had tensed further as she talked, cautious around the new player in their midst. Batman hoped that by letting her ramble, they would be able to gain some idea on her abilities. Though, given her choice of attire (and the absurdly large hat), he could safely assume that she used magic. Great. Just great. Fucking fantastic.

Bruce signalled to stay down and not engage unless she moved, but Jason was getting really tired of today. The steadily rising unease that had plagued him the whole evening had made him more than a little irritable, and he was just itching for a quick fight. Before Bruce could stop him, Jason had already fired at the woman only to watch them be deflected by some sort of force field.

The woman simply laughed louder, a mocking smile slipping higher on her face before she started to ‘tsk’ at them. “How very very rude, young man. Not polite at all! I was hoping to pass through with only a little chaos for the road, but you've gone and done it!” Her palms shimmered for a second before an unidentifiable object flew from a random direction towards Jason. It was only his training and reflexes that saved him from spilling his brain matter on the asphalt. He dodged the projectile, discovering it to be a rock. He hadn't seen her throw a rock, neither was anyone hidden in the shadows. It was only them.

“Come on now, show Madame Kaos a good time!”

It soon divulged into a frenzy of dodging random flying objects and dancing around her without stepping on each other’s toes. They were doing a remarkable job actually, not getting in each other's way, too preoccupied with dodging their own weapons being used against them. Jason ducked his head to leave the flight path of what looked like a demon possessed batarang just as Bruce literally dodged a bullet flying at him straight down from the sky. Anything in their surroundings seemed to be fair game as a weapon for her, as she soon graduated from using rocks and fired bullets to manhole covers and garbage can lids. At her command, cardboard junk turned into animated cutouts of cartoon characters attacking them, heavy metal sheets flew about like oversized frisbees, weeds growing along the edges tried to trip them as they dodged and weaved and attempted to attack her. Bruce had gotten close once, delivering a few heavy blows before he became preoccupied with dodging once again. She didn't exactly seem to have much combat training, so taking her down shouldn't be too much of an issue. If only they could get close enough to actually hit her again.

Tim’s voice crackled over the comms, yelling out weak spots for him to try and hit with his rubber bullets. He bit back the urge to yell back at him that he was preoccupied with trying not to get his neck sliced in two and instead readied his guns once again. He didn't want to waste his bullets, and he especially didn't want to give her more options for flying projectiles, so had to make it quick and accurate. Tim had pointed out a gap in her stance, uncovered by the force field sporadically appearing to ward off the stray thrown batarang before animating the metal into a deranged demon bat. He had to give it to the little stalker, he had observant eyes for someone observing the battle from the shitty Gotham security cameras.

As Jason took aim, Bruce had also heard what Tim had planned and took to diverting Madame Kaos’ attention from his son, throwing more batarangs and slicing through the cardboard cutouts clutching at his legs. In the instant her attention was taken, Jason fired, bullet striking true and strong in the sensitive spot. The woman doubled over in pain, all her projectiles dropping to the ground as the magic driving them was cut off. Bruce had immediately taken out a weighted bundle of net from god knows where, throwing it over the woman to immobilize her.

Seeing as the woman was down, Bruce took the chance to move closer after a few tense observatory moments in an attempt to restrain her for custody. From the side, Jason could see her hands shine in a way that alerted him that she was going to make another move. But Bruce wouldn't see it coming, Jason realised, her hand wasn't in his line of sight, conveniently hidden by her long hair and bent over body.

‘This isn't like people write in books’, Jason thought as he moved, intercepting whatever attack Madame Kaos was about to unleash on his father Bruce. Time didn't slow down for him, there was no dramatic moment, no tense musical crescendo playing as he was hit by a bright beam of violet light. Only desperation fueling him, only the view of his father’s face as he was blocked from the attack, the devastation visible even through his cowl, just the searing pain of his cells being torn apart and put together again and again. If it wasn't so glaringly painful, he would almost compare it to using a zeta tube.

His scream of pain cut off abruptly, leaving the area in a stilted silence. He felt himself grow smaller and smaller, body losing its shape as he writhed through waves upon waves of pain. He felt himself shift into something distinctly non-human, calloused skin folding over itself once, twice, a thousand times and becoming a hard shell. His legs didn't feel normal anymore, didn't feel like his aching pair anymore. On that note, he couldn't distinguish between his different limbs. It all felt like a fever dream, an excruciatingly painful weed trip.

It took him a few moments to regain control over his senses, eyes opening to view the world around him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, everything looked fuzzy and discoloured, as if multiple copies of the same picture were placed on top of a single frame. His hearing came next, frantic calls of his name falling from Bruce’s lips prompting him to turn in that direction. He looked up, up, up at Bruce, all the way from the ground. His impassive face was twisted in obvious worry and concern. Jason tried to look for the woman and discovered that she was nowhere in sight. Bruce had let her escape!

“Are you serious?! All that work and you let her get away???”

Suddenly, Jason realised that he hadn't opened his mouth to say anything. Or rather, he couldn't make those sounds with his mouth. But clearly Bruce had heard him, since he looked at Jason with bewilderment, concern and a flicker of amusement in his gaze.

“...Jason?”

The incredulity in Bruce’s voice was not giving Jason any good vibes. Hesitantly, Bruce went down on his knees and reached out a gauntlet-covered hand to him, reaching all the way to the ground right in front of Jason. Well, he supposed, if he had really shrunk to such a small size, assistance was required. It would also be safer than walking around on the ground as a tiny being. With a great amount of reluctance, Jason moved to climb Bruce’s palm.

Or well, tried to.

Because he suddenly had way too many legs to control.

What the actual fuck?

It seemed that he had ‘said’ it out loud as well, because Bruce let out a hysterical snort.

Jason tried to turn and look at himself, but found himself unable to turn his head without turning his whole body. His legs did not cooperate with him in his panicked state and there were two random long red things waving themselves around in his line of sight. He tried to get up off the ground and failed miserably.

Bruce finally seemed to take some pity on him, retrieving a small piece of reflective metal from his utility belt and letting Jason look at himself.

Jason ‘screamed’.

By god, did the universe love to fuck with him. It was almost like he was her favourite punching bag.

He had been turned into a worm.

A WORM.

“You're a centipede, Jason. Not a worm.”

Yes, Thank you for the clarification, Bruce. It wasn't like they had more important things to be focusing on, such as him BECOMING A DAMN CENTIPEDE.

He ‘yelped’ as he was plucked off of the ground and placed on Bruce’s palm. He tried to bite the man in his outrage, but the gauntlet shielded him from the bite. Shame, centipede bites were painful as fuck.

“Don’t bite me Jason”

‘Fuck you Bruce.’

“Language, Jason. It appears that you can communicate via some form of telepathy.”

Oh great, he was one step away from starring in A Bug’s life.

Great. Just great. How fucking fantastic.

‘Fuck my life.’

“Language.”

Thank you @cheriecelestial for motivating me to finish this lol and again, the banners as well :3

Part one is over, let's see how long it takes for me to write part two.

[zhelin-thames]

A Ghostly Text Mishap

Danny flopped onto his bed, phone in hand, glaring at the screen. Another long day of dealing with Vlad's manipulative nonsense had left him frustrated beyond belief. He opened his messages, found the contact labeled Trucker, and began furiously typing.

Danny: You will NOT believe what Plasmius did this time. The absolute NERVE of this guy. You’d think being half-dead would make someone LESS petty, but nooo, this man’s ego is bigger than the Ghost Zone.

Danny: He tried to "buy" my parents' company AGAIN. He offered to “help” with ghost containment tech but really just wants to snoop around for weaknesses in the portal.

Danny: AND he had the audacity to call me “Little Badger” like it’s a term of endearment. I swear, if I hear that ONE MORE TIME, I might go full ghost and dropkick him into the Fenton Thermos.

Satisfied with his venting, Danny tossed his phone onto the bed and buried his face in his pillow. Unbeknownst to him, he had made one critical mistake.

Jason Todd, aka Red Hood, was sitting in his safe house, polishing his guns when his phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen.

Unknown Number: You will NOT believe what Plasmius did this time…

Jason raised an eyebrow. “What the hell is this?” he muttered, scrolling through the tirade. By the time he got to “Little Badger”, he was smirking.

He typed back:

Jason: Kid, I think you’ve got the wrong number. Unless this “Plasmius” guy is a Gotham villain I’ve somehow missed.

Danny’s phone buzzed, and he rolled over to check it. His heart dropped when he saw the reply.

Danny: Oh no. This isn’t Trucker, is it?

Jason: Nope. But you’ve got my attention. Who’s Plasmius, and why does he sound like the type of guy I’d shoot on principle?

Danny hesitated, then decided to just roll with it.

Danny: Short version: he’s a half-ghost fruitloop billionaire who’s obsessed with ruining my life, becoming my creepy stepdad, and taking over the world. Think Lex Luthor but undead and ickier.

Jason burst out laughing, earning a curious glance from Roy Harper, who had just walked in.

“Who’s got you laughing like that?” Roy asked, setting down a bag of takeout.

“Some kid who texted me by mistake,” Jason replied, showing him the messages.

Roy skimmed them and snickered. “Plasmius? Sounds like a knockoff vampire villain.”

Jason’s fingers flew over the keyboard.

Jason: Okay, kid, you’ve officially got my interest. I don’t know who you are, but if this Plasmius guy’s half as bad as you say, I’ve got some creative ways to deal with him. You in Gotham?

Danny stared at the message, blinking. Who even was this guy? But... he did sound like he knew how to handle problems.

Danny: Uh, no. I’m from Amity Park. It’s kind of a supernatural hotspot, so I’ve got it covered. But thanks for the offer, I guess?

Jason smirked.

Jason: Supernatural hotspot? Kid, you’re talking to someone who’s been resurrected. Ghosts don’t scare me.

Danny froze. Resurrected? Oh no. This guy might actually know about the supernatural.

Danny: ...Wait, who ARE you?

Jason: Name’s Jason. Most people call me Red Hood. Ever heard of me?

Danny blinked, then groaned. “Of course. I text a vigilante. Just my luck.”

Danny: ...Yeah, I’ve heard of you. So, uh, thanks for not tracking this number and showing up at my house or something.

Jason: Yet.

Danny felt a shiver run down his spine.

Danny: That’s not funny, dude.

Jason: Relax, Little Badger. Your secret’s safe with me. For now. But hey, if you ever need help dealing with your undead billionaire problem, hit me up.

Danny sighed, shaking his head.

Danny: Sure. Thanks, I guess?

Jason leaned back, grinning as he saved the number under Ghost Kid.

“Roy, I think I just found the weirdest contact in my phone.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Roy replied, tossing Jason a burger.

“Not bad. Just… different.” Jason chuckled. “Plasmius, huh? Sounds like fun.”

[deadsetobsessions]

AU List

Hello! Welcome! This is my attempt at keeping the AU's boiuncing around in my head in order. They should be mostly in chronological order.

Some of them are getting turned into full length fics! The list (and it's open to suggestions) can be found here: Fic List

A couple of things:

Please feel free to write your own fics based on any of these! No need to ask, simply link it so I can also read it <3

If you have any specific scenarios you have an idea for and would like me to write- my asks/prompts are always open! I can't guarantee quality as I do most of my writing at like, 3 AM but I'll try my best!

Please don't send me unsolicited prompts in my messages, as it stresses me out. Not because I don't want to do them, but because the prompts are not in the correct place (if that makes sense?) my brain is being (unironically) neurotic about it. Prompts sent to the asks are okay and will probably be fulfilled.

I don't condone racism, bigotry, homophobia, etc.. I do not welcome it here. I acknowledge that I have biases that I've yet to unlearn. If there's something that makes you feel unwelcome in the things I write, please let me know and I will fix it ASAP.

I write these mostly on little to no sleep (that’s when I get creative I guess?) so good luck.

Update: Apparently you can have too many links on one post (which was news to me) so the links are in the titles lol

Squatter!Danny Phantom Raises Tim

Tim 'self-preservation instinct of a wet paper bag' finds Danny Phantom squatting in his house as an injured vigilante and they immediately adopt each other.

Ghost King and the Justice League

Different scenarios where the Justice League (and extensions) deal with a Ghost King Danny Phantom, who generally just wants to get some sleep and avoid his paperwork like he avoids his problems- actively and indiscriminately.

Alcoholic! Danny Adopts Jason Todd (Fic)

Danny Phantom, a struggling alcoholic, finds his way into Gotham where he adopts a young Jason Todd... after accidentally making a name for himself, again.

Spider in Gotham (Fic)

Peter Parker found himself unceremoniously dumped into Gotham and merged with his younger, formerly dead, alternate self.

Gotham! Danny and His Bats

Different scenarios wherein which Danny Phantom is Gotham's city spirit and the task of wrangling Gotham's vigilante and villainous population is laid at his feet.

Danny in Gotham

Somehow, somewhen, Danny finds himself moving to Gotham. Other than the aesthetics, Danny finds it to be pretty similar to Amity Park's insanity.

Sea Cryptic!Danny Phantom

Danny Phantom cleans beaches in his off time. One day, he has to pick Batman (and his plane that was littered all over the ocean floor) out of the sea.

Danny Gets Yeeted (Yoted?) Into Gotham

Danny Phantom dented the Batmobile and got an adoption, vigilante siblings, and a gang of kids following him for his troubles/

Danielle "Dani/Ellie" Phantom

Danielle Phantom travelled to Gotham. Gotham encounters a wild Danny amidst its tall towers.

Timothy Drake-Centric

When Tim Drake is set on something, very little can stop him, With sub catergories : Reincarnated as Gamer! Timmy Drake (fem Tim)(Fic) and New Tim-line, Who Dis?

Reincarnated as Damian Wayne's Older Sister (Fic)

Based on a nightmare, an OC finds themself reincarnated as Damian Wayne's older sister. She does not have a good time.

Prompts Found

A collection of prompts found and filled. Includes Triplet Tim and Reverse Trope Prompt.

Misc. ficlets and thoughts

My brain vs. whatever errant thoughts and ideas that decided to pop up when I'm trying to sleep.

[starry-bi-sky]

No.

No, no, no, no, NO!

He's shaking. His heart is burning in his chest, pounding like a jackhammer against his ribs, and there's a trembling, aching rage building beneath his tongue and pressing against his teeth.

In his hands, his fingers tense and wrists locked, the article reads in big, black font: JOKER LOCKED IN ARKHAM ASYLUM AGAIN!

Danny shouldn't feel so angry about this, this is a good thing. Gotham doesn't have to deal with him for another few months at the least. He should feel relieved, a little more at peace.

He is not.

He cannot swallow the fury thudding behind his eyes, the burning white heat searing a deeper hole in his chest. A searing green filling static in his ears in the way only the rage of the restless dead can have.

How is he going to kill him now?

Arkham may be the only asylum in America made entirely of tissue paper, but it's still an asylum. There are cameras, guards, other patients resting inside. Danny can think of a million different ways to sneak in and kill Joker, but someone will hear his screaming.

It'd have to be rushed.

He doesn't want it to be rushed.

It's a cruel thought. Cruel and cold and merciless, but Danny doesn't feel an ounce of shame, not an ounce of guilt, for it. He wants to be alone with the Joker when he kills him, that's all he wants. In Arkham, you are never alone.

He forces his anger to bubble back down into his chest, stuffing it between his heartstrings and his ribs like a blanket you're trying to bunch up into a corner. It sizzles and burbles. The static begins to fade out into a high-pitched ringing; it sounds like distant screaming.

Danny is still trembling, but he can think a little clearer now.

He can wait.

He can wait. He can wait. He can wait. He canwait. Hecanwait. Hecanwait.

He can wait.

He's waited five years for this. He can wait one more week. One more month. One more year. However long it takes for the Joker to break back out, Danny can wait.

And when the Joker does, inevitably, break out.

Danny uncrinkles his fingers around the edges of the newspaper, loosens his limbs just enough so he can pay for it.

He'll be waiting.

The dead, after all, have all the time in the world.

[little-ghostgirl-31]

Im the lost princess of Olympus

Pjo/hoo/toa gacha life au head canons pt.2 (lost hero edition)

Warnings: 99+ y/o only + sigmas only + cringe

LEO VALDEZ

- uwu boy hybrid fire demon

- follows Jason around cuz that’s his alpha

- likes skibidi toilet

- can turn into an alpha was with magic for powers

JASON GRACE

- alpha Wolf boy

- popular

- jock

- doesn’t wear a shirt

- smokes lollipops

PIPER MCLEAN

- gacha brat

- secretly lesbian for Annabeth

- dating jock alpha wolf

- super rich and

[shoecrabs]

i honestly don't think anyone will care but I keep brainrotting over the idea of a pjo/rainworld au

I've turned the Seven into funky slimy cats dealing w concepts far beyond their comprehensions lmao

[rottingghosty]

The Realms PR | DC X DP Part 2

this isn’t as good in my thoughts because writing as bruce??? really hard. how am i supposed to write a paranoid man if i am the most chillest person i can be… anyway heres your part 2 food of this au, not sure if i’ll continue writing more parts? depends on how i feel.

errors are made and sorry the the lackluster performance this might be

if you want to use my prompt please give me credits thank you

☁️☁️☁️☁️

Danny very much prefers to have nobody intervene on his business as the vigilante of Amity Park. He’s essentially called dibs on it if you consider the fact that the entire town is basically his metaphorical grave since it’s his haunt and he did die to make the portal to the Ghost Zone open. He very much ignores that specific can of worms because that’s a heavy topic that he won’t ever talk about because Spectra really ruined his own outlook on professionals. Jazz will most likely want to open that can but that’s for future Danny.

Where was he? Oh yeah.

Danny very much likes being a solo hero with his friends and sister aiding when they can. He very much dislikes the fact that people have been trying to enter his haunt without permission. Does he know why people who tried to pass through Amity Park suddenly find themselves back at where the welcome sign is? No. Is he going to ask? Also no because it allows the residents and himself privacy even when he’s got the GIW on his tail or even his own parents.

He’s not going to rebuke this gift especially with his influx of fame. Which reminds Danny that he needs to post a new tweet, maybe a video of Cujo playing with the kids in the park from a few days ago? He figures people would be more interested if they knew a ghost dog existed. Maybe he can include one of Ember’s concerts or something.

Man he has so many videos to post and such little time to do so, but he thinks Sam and Tucker are having fun being his PR team with the way Sam had a manic gleam in her eyes when Lois Lane and Clark Kent sent her a message of twitter asking for an interview. All while Tucker basically going giddy at Red Robin and Oracle trying to get through the firewall that’s blocking Amity Park from eyes being too close for all their comforts.

Bruce Wayne stared intently at the video before him, it was only thirty seconds but it was thirty seconds enough to cause him to tighten his grip on the arm rests of his chair in the Batcave. His blue eyes staring down at the figure in the video as it replayed on loop. His shoulders tense and bunched up as he inhaled sharply at the frame that happened ten seconds in.

Because right there, staring up at the camera looked too much like Jason. It looked too much like his boy, his son that he had lost when Jason was only fifteen. Normally he would’ve brushed it off but it was the way that it then shifted into Dick, Steph, Tim and then Damian—

Ancient of Hope is what Phantom had called them, the embodiment of hope and how its form switched to what people believed in. Apparently it looked so much like the Robins of Gotham because Gotham was— is the biggest source of hope there is. Yet, this was an unknown.

Bruce couldn’t trust a word that Phantom said, ghosts are an unknown. Trying to get Constantine to talk about it was a struggle itself, the equivalent of trying to pull teeth out because the man was equally as stubborn as Bruce and it was even worse when the man had cursed up a storm when they had a meeting about Phantom’s first videos.

Ghosts are a variable in an equation that Bruce is trying to solve but he simply can’t force his way into solving it, not when this whole thing has turned into a diplomatic nightmare with the fact that Oa has started pressuring the US government about the mistreatment of the Infinite Realms beings.

The Justice League Dark even adding in the pressure— Deadman being one of the more outspoken members as he explained as much as he knew about the Infinite Realms despite not quite qualifying as one of their residents but still considered as one in an odd way. Constantine grumbling about as he came and went, saying how the Ghost Investigation Ward could’ve started a war or destroyed everyone.

Clark and Lane were writing up articles, having conversations with the PR Team of Phantom— two teenagers who were involved heavily and considered ambassadors to the Realms because of their connection to Phantom.

Phantom who is the High King. Phantom who doesn’t want his subjects hunted anymore and took a peaceful route instead of simply declaring war.

Bruce takes a heavier breath, jaw clenched as he watched the video loop one more time before the closed the tab to look more into the GIW and their backers, eyes narrowing in two names.

Vladimir Masters and Lex Luthor.

[finemeal]

It's April Fools and I've booped all my boops so here's the other three Poké's I promised I'd explain today. Also! Some bonus honorable mentions to the Poké's I considered but ended up not having on his main team. Definitely possible he's had those on his team before, though!

Gliscor: I knew I wanted Jason to have a bat Poké' because ... look Batman? Bat Poké? It just felt like it fit, ya know? When discussing it with a friend, I debated between SOO many bat Poké's (Crobat, Swoobat, & Noivern) but decided Gliscor felt like the right choice.

First of all, Gliscor LOOKS tough. Like, if I saw that Poké in the real world I'd think that Poké was gonna punch me. Or use it's claws to pinch me REAL hard. And the FANGS! Please I was WAITING for someone to hear me talk about the fangs. Just ... MAN it fits that a crime lord would have a bat Pokémon that has fangs.

Speaking of fangs, Gliscor is the "Fang Scorpion Pokémon." I already know what you're gonna ask. Scorpion? When I've been referring to Gliscor as a bat? Gliscor's both, as a treat, it's okay.

But focusing on the "Fang Scorpion" part, a scorpion that bites people feels like something Jason would resonate with. Gliscor isn't a poison type! It can learn poison moves, but is not inherently a poison type. Again, I think Jason would resonate with poison types a lot. Especially a Poké who looks like it deals poison and then throws you for a loop when it doesn't deal poison (typically). Exactly the kinda shit Jason would love.

Onto abilities. Hyper Cutter which prevents other Poké's from lowering its Attack stat. Are you KIDDING me??? That's such a badass ability that fits Jason SO much. Jason wouldn't be intimidated or cowed by other's, and neither would his Poké.

Sand Veil (i.e. raises Poké's evasion slightly in a sandstorm and immune to sandstorm damage). Listen ... this one doesn't necessarily fit Jason a lot but not all the abilities have to perfectly fit Jason. It is a kickass ability though!

Hidden ability Poison Heal is what it says on the tin (mostly), the Poké heals when dealt poison damage. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Jason would fucking LOVE a Poké who when poisoned, when it should be damaged and continue to take damage continuously is instead healed he would resonate with that SO hard. I mean just look at Jason! He's waded through so much shit and kept fucking going. So does Gliscor.

Now we make our way down to the Pokédex. The Pokédex discusses how silent Gliscor is while it snatches up its prey. How it utilizes its fangs to quickly ... neutralize its prey. I've mentioned it before but Jason is big and fast and sneaky.

Jason for sure saw this Poké who waited for just the right moment before leaping and probably thought, "That reminds me of Batman ... I need 'im on my time." I don't know, I just feel a certain way about all the Batkids looking at bat Poké's and seeing themselves and their dad and wanting to have him along with them on their journey.

It's definitely possible that Jason evolved Gliscor from a Gilgar. Personally, I think he caught a Gliscor but if he had evolved it from a Gilgar? I mean that lil guy jumps onto its prey's FACES and injects poison that way. I'm just imaging a Gilgar jumping on Jason's face to poison him and Jason being like, "Yes, this is the Pokémon for me." And that? Makes me laugh. (Hey maybe he did find a Gilgar first, who knows. I haven't expanded on this too much yet XD)

Haxorus: Knew I wanted Jason to have a dragon Poké, and as SOON as I saw Haxorus something in my brain just clicked. JUST LOOK AT THAT JAW!! Look at the red accents. Look at this dragon Pokémon and just tell me Jason wouldn't think it was a badass Pokémon who belonged on his team??? (Although I do think Jason would've evolved Haxorus from Axew but we'll get into that in a bit).

The "Axe Jaw Pokémon" just makes me feel a type of WAY about how Jason would feel about this Poké okay? Like DAMN that is SO badass and you cannot tell me Jason, theater/literature kid Jason, did not debate using an axe at one point in a confrontation with Joker & Bruce? Just at least a little bit.

One of Haxorus' abilities is Rivalry (i.e. deals more damage to Poké's of the same gender). Rivalry? Jason? No that'd be soooo silly. Our boy? Our competitive boy? Our guy who will get into fights with so many people and who is a goddamn crime lord? Him having rivalry's? That'd be sooo silly. (I hope the sarcasm is ... clear here)

Then, we have Mold Breaker (i.e. prevents targets ability from affecting moves the Poké uses with some more nuance to it). Jason is for SURE a mold breaker in the Batfam. He was the second Robin, he had as major issues as Bruce does, and he is the first Batkid to die. Then? He comes back and becomes a goddamn crime lord. Just !!! Jason's a Mold Breaker and so is Haxorus. Brother's in arms and all that.

Finally, hidden ability Unnerve (foes too scared to eat berries). I touched on why this fit Jason when I talked about Houndoom so I won't discuss it again XD

If you go on further, we can take a look at Pokédex. I am SO normal about this one particular entry that sold this Poké for me on Jason's team: "They are kind but can be relentless when defending territory. They challenge foes with tusks that can cut steel." A KINDHEARTED 'MON THAT WILL DEFEND IT'S TERRITORY RUTHLESSLY IS UGH. It's perfect. That is so Jason coded I don't even need to say more.

Okay, but back to what I mentioned before. I TRULY believe Jason would've evolved Haxorus all the way up from Axew. Why? I don't know, I just truly believe Jason would see an Axew marking it's territory with its tusks, getting into little friendly scraps, and it would remind him of himself.

Maybe Axew reminded him of when he would have to fight for any place to belong in Crime Alley. Claiming small territories that he could. He most likely got into a lot of unfriendly scraps, but seeing Axew get into scraps probably reminded him of when he'd spar with Dick. I don't know, I just feel like he sees a small guy who has the potential to be so much more and resonates with that a lot.

Feraligatr: I pondered over MANY Poké's that would be a good starter for Jason. Debated which Poké out of ALL of them he would've had from the very start. I threw out a lot of ideas to my friend, and when they pointed out Feraligatr's mohawk and I was sold.

Feraligatr's the "Big Jaw Pokémon" which like ... I don't know why but I saw that and was like, "Like Jason!" Which isn't true. But I think I thought that because of his helmet? I don't know, it just felt like it fit Jason's vibe to have a Poké who had a BIG ASS JAW for no reason in particular. I don't know, the vibes of this Poké just fits Jason so much.

The main Ability is Torrent (which increases power of water-moves when the Poké has a low enough HP). A Poké that get stronger the more it gets hurt??? Yeah that's Jason. That just fits that dude SO much. I've said it before but Jason gets hit over and over again and keeps going.

It's Hidden Ability is Sheer Force (i.e. increases power of moves that have a beneficial secondary effect but removes the additional effects ... it's a whole thing). I don't know, but this just feels like it fits how Jason would battle? I can't really explain it (also I'm so tired) but it just feels like it fits Jason.

Now let's scooch on down to the Pokédex and look at the fact that it tears its victims apart with it's strong jaws. It also touches on even though he's big he's fast and ... well I've already talked about how fast Jason is for his size. Also, Jason just feels like he for sure bit people as a kid. I don't know, sometimes about him fits the vibes.

Now, Feraligatr evolves all the way from Totodile (a starter Poké from Gen 2). I feel like Jason looked at all the Poké's he had to choose from (the other two being Chikorita & Cyndaquil) and saw something in Totodile. Cuz, again, this little guy is small but he is tough. Jason was for sure, at the time, small but tough!

When given these options I feel like Jason would choose the Poké that wouldn't hesitate to bite the shit out of him and know that he was the perfect Poké for his team.

Honorable mentions:

Crobat: Liked the Poké, but Jason already had a flying AND poison type so didn't feel like he'd have a balanced team with 'im. Still, if didn't have Gengar would've had a Crobat (one type crossover is fine, but 2 is pushing it ... not always but ya know).

Swoobat: A good bat Poké that felt like a 'mon that others would underestimate and then could kick your ass. Just a Poké that could've been a good fit for Jason, but not my favorite choice.

Noivern: Noivern is SUCH a great Poké, one of my favorite's, but something about Noivern made me think that this wouldn't be a dragon Poké Jason would have on his main team. Maybe he has Noivern in his boxes but ... yeah I don't know didn't feel like it was the best fit.

Hisuan Decidueye: Listen, look at that dude! Felt like a good Jason Poké, grass fighting just UGH beautiful. I think I ended up not going with Hisuan Decidueye because it didn't ended up feeling like it'd fit the way I wanted 'im to in Jason's team.

Empoleon: Water/Steel just felt like it would fit Jason so much. This Poké does kick ass but in the end didn't fit the vibe I was aiming for. Looking back, I think this Poké would probably be on Nightwing's team than Jason's.

Swampert: I did like Swampert, but I already had Gliscor as a flying/ground type and ... Gliscor already has one type similar with another Poké which I think was already pushing it for a Champion team (not that I think it's bad to have the same type when you play, but didn't fit the vibes I was going for, ya know?).

Title: Champion

I'm gonna post these separately because I know people who like DC don't necessarily like DPxDC SO! This is my DC Pokémon AU piece I did for a game in the @haunting-heroes-creative-games server! Hosted by @artdecielle, we played Guess the Artist: Through the Screen. I had so much fun drawing Jason with all these poke's, and it took me a total of 9 hours and 37 minutes.

The Pokémon shown on the left from bottom to top:

Houndoom

Feraligatr

Staraptor

The Pokémon shown on the right from bottom to top:

Gengar

Haxorus

Gliscor

I imagine Jason is a Pokémon trainer who has become Champion at this point. Trained by the Chairman of their region: Bruce Wayne (who has trained many Pokémon Champions). Eventually, Jason will become a Gym Leader when the next protégé becomes Champion, but right now he's holding it!

Tried to add the Red Hood symbol on his shirt and make him feel very Jason. I excluded his white tuft cuz I felt it would give me away in the game, but I do generally imagine him with it! I'm just so proud of this piece and had so much fun making it <3

[redsray]

Red Robin Au where after Battle for the Cowl, Jason (instead of donning that ridiculous pill helmet) goes back to visit Talia and blow off some steam with the LOA; it's an effective way to do so at first, as long as he keeps Ra's at arms length and has all the Bats away from him. Except is that Timothy fucking Drake working with Ra's al Ghul.

So now Jason's like oh my god are you kidding me why is Tim here working with Ra's of all people??? Last he checked, Dick was Batman now and Tim was part of that gaggle of Robins in Gotham. Not here, in Nanda Parbat.

Tim, fresh from a splenectomy: Jason?!

Jason: What the fuck are you doing here?

Tim: ??? I could ask you the same question??

Jason: No the fuck you couldn't?? I trained with Talia and now I'm back here for a bit, and I'm not the one missing an organ right now?! Why aren't you back with Dickbat in Gotham??

Tim: Well. Let's say I'm not Robin anymore

Jason: ... Not... Robin?

Tim, scowling: Dick gave it to Damian.

Jason: Dick is Batman for like a month and already gave the traffic light leggings to a mini assassin? Nice.

Tim: Ugh

Jason: And... this was enough reason to run away and get impaled by assassins in Iraq? While working with Ra's al Ghul?

Tim: Well, not really. I need to find Bruce, and Ra's is the only one who will help me. Even if he's a freak of nature.

Jason: Bruce... are we talkin' about another Bruce or did I miss a memo? Bruce is dead, Timbo.

Tim: He's not. He's trapped in the timestream and trying to get back. And don't- don't tell me I'm going insane with grief or in denial. Laugh all you want, then leave. I don't need this shit again.

Jason: Trapped in time? Damn motherfucker can't even stay dead?

Tim: ... You believe me?

Jason: Sure. Not the craziest shit we've seen. I have a feeling you wouldn't go as far as Ra's if you were actually going off nothing. (mumbling) stealing my schtick. What a bastard.

Tim, blinking: Wow. That... just wow. That was easy. Dick thought I was losing it with grief and so has everyone else.

Jason, shrugging: B is definitely stubborn enough to get lost in time instead of dying and, frankly, I know what being off yer rocker looks like, and this ain't it. I climbed out of my grave, for god's sake, is time shit really off the table? Wouldn't hurt t'look if the old man's still kickin'.

Tim: Uh-

Jason: First stop: away from Ra's, preferably. Talia's not bad, but Ra's is a whole other can of worms. Get up or I drag you.

[prlssprfctn]

Hi. It's me again.

So, since there are so many 'Jaybin haunts people' and 'people hallucinate Jaybin' hcs and fics and AUs, what about— after Duke and Jason start getting close (close for Jason and batfamily, at least), Duke starts seeing Jason's core inner self at his side (Jason's).

Maybe as a combination of the long time he was dead, the time he was in coma + the time he was catatonic + all the supernatural/magic shenanigans he went through or has going on, part of Jason's soul/feelings/inner thoughts sometimes takes an astral form when he's feeling too much/thinking something strongly.

It's harmless and doesn't have any side effects. Even more, it would be completely unknown to everyone if Duke hadn't start seeing him.

Now Duke is like one of those chinese novels where a character suddenly can hear someone's monologue and has to fight hard to keep a normal face because the outside doesn't match at all what he's thinking.

In part because he's a super cheesy, squishy plushy pile of slime inside a lot of the time. In part because he doesn't just say the most ridiculous lines unprompted, he also says way more to himself. He's not even trying to be funny, he just thinks like the love child of a shitpost and Shakespeare.

And then there's the things he doesn't say because he thinks everyone already knows. Both as 'one of the things no one talks about' and as 'this is obviously common knowledge, right?'. Just, obscure random facts at the most unexpected time.

There's also the gap between Jaybin, who just hugs him when it's his turn and is over all a really fun kid, and younger Jay, who seems like he needs a hug but would bite you if you tried to touch him, and a teenage Jason, who is older than Jaybin but a few years younger than Jason-Jason and is full of snark and looks just tired. They all have different dispositions but are still very much the same person. Curiously, Duke has yet to see an older Jason that matches his outward looks.

At some point he could also just tell him about the Jay's. He'd be mortified but later he could try to make Duke laugh out loud at the worst moments just by thinking.

wow, this so heartbreaking to read in the early morning you cannot imagine.

the mixture of humour but angst in Jason's head, both unintentional, is killing me. i don't think either of these kids realise just how tiring it could be, to be them, to have their thoughts, to live like this. the can of worms constantly swarming in your thoughts, reminiscing of all things that hurt you, that despair you, and that beginning from the very early age—

imagine standing next to little pre-Robin Jason, and all you hear in his mind is constant questions like: will mom survive tonight? can i scrap us a little more money? will father ever return from the jail? will i die tonight? is there any food?

and then you have Jaybin, whose thoughts a tad lighter — at least, he thinks of books, school, or family — but it eventually spirals as well in: will Bruce kick me out once? am i a washed out Robin? why i am still hungry? why does everyone on galas hate me so much? i miss my mom.

but let me add this: catatonic Jason is there, too. like a ghost, sometimes, he disappears. sometimes, just stares before himself. but there are no much of thoughts. just a repetitive string of Bruce and dad, all over again. and the more you listen to him, the more you start understanding what each of it means in different times.

angst aside! the son of Shakespeare and shitpost is KILLING ME, and it is so incredible real, and i felt it so much. stealing it.

Jason's thoughts jumping from one to another, which results Duke hearing this:

"what a one ends up becoming if his roots are deep in rotten ground and— omg, lmao, babies camels are so funny. wait, they are called calfs. anyway—"

(probably, Jaybin's thoughts during a fight)

[call-me-strega]

Dc x Dp Prompt #3: Of Apples and Academic Frenemies

Au where Jason and Danny are attending the same college course on mythology and classical literature and they are always getting into debates about the depictions of the characters and the historical context of stories and stuff bc the both have a different exposure to the myths. Like Jason knows literal demigods and Amazons but Danny knows Pandora and the Greek myth related ghosts plus time travel from Clockwork and the infi-map. The debates can get heated at times but the respect each others intellectual takes.

This creates a peculiar situation where everyone in the class thinks they are academic rivals who hate each other (except for the few with their shipping goggles on and sense the homoerotic tension underlying their debates) and are deeply invested in watching them interact like their own personal drama even thought at this point in time they are at best friendly acquaintances and at worst annoying classmates.

Jason rants to his family about his debate partner/rival bc he’s happy to have some who will talk to him ad-nauseam abt this stuff but also bc he wants to complain about how Danny's a “smart but annoying little twink who’s got some real audacity”. And while the batfam is happy that Jason is experiencing some normal life things like an academic frenemy they’d love to stop hearing about this guy's “smug fucking smirk” and the “annoying gleam in his eyes". They are worried that Jason will snap and beat this guy up for being too annoying. Well, except Tim who thinks Jason would rather make out with this guy than debate with him.

One day the course decides to do a big themed party/fundraiser to save up for a class trip to an excavation site of some temple ruins or something. Both of them volunteer for the organizing committee bc of the offered extra credit. This encourages the two of them to start seeing each other more and to hang out outside of their classes so the can work on event planning. Over time they actually become pretty good friends (Danny's presence filters Jason's toxic ecto and cures pit rage due to increased exposure. It was happening anyways as classmates but the close proximity sped up the process) and Jason and Danny develop mutual crushes on each other.

For the event they do, like an Olympic games style format and have people sign up in teams for events a couple of weeks beforehand. Anyone in any sort of classical/mythology related course can join and they opened the event for public spectating. They have a few traditional events like a foot race, long jump and chariot race. But the also have some silly ones like Medusa's Snakes, where they shove their faces into bowls of whipped cream and fish out gummy worms, Pandora's Amphora, where they stick there hands into a box/jar of mystery contents (grapes, slime, a live animal like rats or kittens, a bunch of glitter, soda, etc.) and whoever keeps their hand in the longest wins, and Gladiator Fights, where they try to knock each other into a foam pit with those foam and rubber jousting sticks and the such.

Neither Danny, nor Jason want to participate for fear of their physical/supernatural abilities being discovered so the both get talked into doing the emceeing and commentary for the events. They make a really good duo, snarking and bantering with each other, playing off each other's energy and providing fun commentary to the events. Everyone, including the batfam who came to spectate, is a bit baffled by how well they are getting along bc last they checked these two were rivals of a sort, mildly annoying at best and actively antagonistic at worst. However, they really seem to be enjoying themselves.

The last event of the day is a trivia contest, which they both decide to take part in and let someone else take over the emceeing. The final winning trivia question is "what trope was falsely understood as a marriage proposal or declaration of love by misinformed media, that was actually closer to a ploy of seduction and indication of sexual desire according to Greek texts" and the both ring in at the same time to say "tossing an apple to someone" and an tie for the win. They both go up on stage to receive the prize (idk a gift card or smth) and shake hands before walking away in opposite directions.

Then suddenly Danny calls out to Jason just before he leaves the stage and chucks an apple he seemingly produced out of nowhere at him. The apple has a note with the time and date of a dinner reservation on it and when Jason looks back up at Danny he see the slightly flushed boy tentatively smiling at him.

" What do ya say Jase? Will you go out with me?"

And instead of replying Jason just straight up kisses him in front of everyone. Everyone else is gobsmacked by this whole turn of events except Tim who's cackling his head off, screaming "I FUCKING KNEW IT". When the two of them break apart they grin at each other widely and Jason drags Danny of the stage presumably to go make out somewhere.

[zhelin-thames]

Wrong Number texts #1

Danny: So then Skulker decides the best way to catch me is by building a giant robot suit. But he forgot to calibrate it for the Ghost Zone’s gravity, so it immediately toppled over and crushed his entire lair. Absolute genius, right?

Jason: I’m torn between laughing and feeling secondhand embarrassment for him. Do all your villains suck this much?

Danny: Hey, I don’t pick my rogues’ gallery. But yeah, most of them are either weird, incompetent, or trying way too hard. Vlad’s the only real threat, and that’s just because he cheats.

Jason: Billionaires always cheat. It’s in their DNA.

Masterpost

[rin-may-1103]

The Wrong Robin Au (Part Six)

Previous | Master Post | Next AN: Because I wanted Danny and Jason to be the same age, I've moved the DP timeline forward six years. (If we go with their canon ages and timeline, Danny's the same age as Dick.) I'll make it make sense, but until then please ignore the possible confusion it might cause😅.

Turning, Danny held the picture frame up to show Bruce who he was talking about. Bruce glanced up and studied it for a moment before he looked at Danny. His eyes were calculating just like they had been for the past ten minutes, which might Danny add, was really annoying.

"That's my eldest son, Dick." Bruce finally answered, continuing to watch for Danny's reaction.

Danny blinked, looked down at the picture then turned to put it back. why in the world was his name Dick? like, was that actually his name or was it a nickname? it's not like Danny was judging the kid for it, but seriously, who names their kid dick?

sure, Danny used to fight ghosts named Skulker and Technis all the time, but they chose their names. Did the kid willingly choose to go by dick or were his parents unaware of what the word meant? Danny's really hoping the parents weren't aware of what it meant, because if they were? oh boy was that a bag of worms Danny wanted nothing to do with.

How old was the kid anyway? That looked like an older picture, so he probably wasn't that young anymore.

"How old is he?" Danny asks, turning to study another picture. this one was of Jason hanging out with Alfred in what looked like a kitchen. The kid was covered in flour while Alfred didn't have a single speck of dust on him. They both looked happy.

Bruce was silent for a moment, so Danny turned to look at him. Confusion and shock swirled around him, making Danny frown.

"you don't know how old he is do you?" Danny asked, glaring at Bruce. As much as Danny promised to help him, the man was making it extremely hard to do so, when every time he learns something it makes him want to punt the man into the sun.

alright, so forgetting when someone's birthday is sucks but doesn't make sense for someone like Batman, so it wasn't that exactly it's probably more along the lines of grief messing with his perception of time. yeah, that makes more sense. because if it's not, Danny's not afraid to punch the man again.

"Alright, what's his birthday?" Danny asks, making his way to sit back in the chair he had used previously.

"march 20th," Bruce grumbled, turning to glare out the window like the emo bat he was. And see? He didn't forget the date, which means, Danny was right.

"year?" Danny pushed, slumping down in his chair. It felt like he was pulling teeth with how trying to get information from the man was going. Ancients, Danny was going to go gray before they got anywhere.

"1990," Bruce replied, still glaring out the window like he was in some emo music video.

"Alright, it's 2013, so doing some basic maths, Dick is" Danny pretended to do a drumroll as he quickly calculated the dude's age. and he was a dude because he's definitely older than Danny.

"23," Danny finally announced, looking up to watch as Bruce's emotions spiraled in the air. Anger, hurt, annoyance, guilt. Yep, a full-blown meltdown is on the horizon, everyone. let's back it up, Danny's seen enough grown men cry, he doesn't need to do it again.

"Alright!" clapping his hands, Danny stood up and made his way to the door. opening it, Danny glanced out the hall and spotted Alfred finally making his way back toward them. looks like that blood analysis Bruce definitely ordered Alfred to do finally finished. good.

"Alright, mister anger issues. you need to go to bed." turning back to the room, Danny pointed at Bruce. the man stared at him, his emotions freezing in their downward spiral as he processed the words.

"I agreed," Alfred cut in before Bruce could argue against it, making Danny grin. Oh, he was so going to get along with Alfred, he just knew it.

walking over to the desk, Danny snatched one of the sticky notes and a pen. Writing his number on the paper, he handed it to Alfred, "Here you go. you get to keep it because I have a feeling you'll actually use it properly. it's my number, call me tomorrow after he gets some rest. I'll come back and we can discuss how to go about the Batman business from now on"

"you can't just-" Bruce started, cutting himself off when Alfred took the paper and promptly started guiding him out of his own office. "honestly, Master Bruce. You need your sleep, you've gotten so bad lately, that you willingly fought a child."

"I'll show myself out!" Danny called after them, watching as they turned a corner. glancing at the clock, he noticed a green sticky note. blinking, Danny made his way over. nothing was written on it. which means this was just a hint to start looking around here.

intrigued, Danny started studying the grandfather clock, wondering what clockwork could possibly want him to find. The wood overlay looked fine, and the upper door looked freshly polished. The Moon Dial and clock face looked normal, though the hour and minute hands looked slightly worn down. the glass side access panel looked like it hadn't been touched in years.

hmm, strange. the toe molding had slight scuff marks on the corner like it repeatedly hit against something. glancing around, Danny spotted matching marks on the bookshelf next to the clock. crouching down, Danny studied the marks. it was like Bruce had repeatedly moved the clock around like a door...

standing up, Danny studied the clock handles again. worn down like they had been repeatedly rearranged, but the side access panel looked practically brand new which meant the internal workings of the clock worked perfectly fine. so then why would someone have to reset the time if it wasn't broken?

unless...

carefully opening the glass upper door, Danny studied the clock face closely. the oil from human fingers usually damaged the pearl facing used in most clocks, so all Danny had to do was...

there! right below the X that meant ten, and again slightly behind the XI for eleven. which means...

moving the hour hand to right before eleven, and the minute hand to right before ten (so around minute 48.) Danny heard a click. stepping back, Danny watched as the grandfather clock swung open and revealed a passageway. glancing back to the door Alfred and Bruce had left through, Danny smiled.

"Thanks, clocky," he whispered, heading inside and closing the clock-made door behind him. If Tim was right, and he definitely was, the bat cave was below the manor, and with his enhanced eyesight, Danny could see an elevator at the end of the dark hallway, which meant this was one of the secret entrances. (he's pretty sure Batman's smart enough to have more than one entrance. it'd be pretty stupid not to.)

he had plenty of time to snoop around the Batcave now, which meant he had plenty of time to figure out how it worked and how to use that to his advantage. Bruce can't ignore him and his advice if all the bat suits go missing now, can he?

Next

[hana-no-seiiki]

Hana hana hana-merfolk batfam baeeeeeeee MERFOLK BATFAM like ✨

once again, my name is yun, not hana. but omfg yes!!!!

these men are already beautiful asf, imagine if they had the magic, allure, and voices of merfolk? the world can’t handle that fr

dick would 100% be the one to drag their darling into the depths of the ocean, uncaring of how they cant even breathe there and whatnot. if anything that gives you the need to rely on them for traveling and whatnot.

jason is part shark. used to be a normal merman til the king’s (bruce) enemy (joker) maimed him since he lost his little merman bet (kissing you before sundown) he was eventually revived with a shark used as sacrifice / to be a part of him dungeon meshi style. ofc his last thought was of you. he spends his days roaming the sea and making sure that you’re safe. although his definition of what endangers you is pretty lax (he has eaten a part of dick’s tail once after the kidnapping)

tim also did the little merman bet with joker but actually succeeded. (except it was a non con, somnophillic kiss) and was really fucken mad when dick ruined it all by making you go underwater anyways. before that he used to stalk you vehemently and would leave dead fish at the places you frequented.

damian wanted you above water as soon as possible. a human had no place in his father’s kingdom. unfortunately he failed to account the fact that if you were able to charm his brothers, you would easily worm your way into his heart. he’s the one who turns you into a mermaid/merman/siren courtesy of his royal blood.

overall this au is like the bloodiest so far cause the boys having powers/vastly different views on how to have you/not being vigilantes or having the safety of others in their mind makes for one hell of a ride

(bruce eventually turns tim back into a merman, the latter promptly punching dick for making all his work and suffering meaningless)

[deadsetobsessions]

As the girl who came up with the Triplet! Tim AU PLEASSEEEEE continue it!!!!! I NEED to see Bruce who thought he had one robin finding out he actually has three separate completely different ones

I gotchu lmfao I think I’ll get to Bruce later? I’m really happy you liked it omg like that idea is so good

——

Their plan was perfect! It would have been perfect, had it not been for Dick Grayson and his nosy face!

Batman might not have known his identity, but Dick Grayson did. He promised to keep it from Batman, but Tim hadn’t exactly thought about his secret identity when he showed up to harass the man into being Robin again.

And now, they’re paying for it.

Tim leaned back and crossed his arms as he watched Dick cradle his head in his hands, looking half a short breath away from a mental breakdown.

“Are you telling me… there’s three of you?”

“Yes, Dick.” Tim sighed, having answered this exact question ten times in the past two minutes.

Dick lifted his head, wide eyes looking a little feverish… no, looking a little manic.

“Tim. Your name is Tim, right? I’m not-”

“Yes, my name is Tim. Technically, so are the others. But the one here with us is Lionel.”

“No, wait, Tim, you understand how this is- insane, right? It’s not even remotely in the realm of mentally healthy.” Dick paused. “Wait, are you skipping school right now?!?”

“Has anyone ever told you your priorities are screwed up, Dick?” Lionel-Tim walked back into the room, hands full of snacks and, most importantly, Dick’s emergency marshmallow bag. Dick turned to Lionel, eyes full of guilt, and grabbed the bag of marshmallows like a dehydrated man in the middle of a desert who’s only couple of feet away from an oasis that he’s been looking for for days.

“Oh my god. I’ve had three younger brothers and I thought they were all the same kid!” Dick wailed, grabbing a handful of marshmallows and stress cramming it into his mouth. Tim threw him a disgusted look.

“To be fair, we made sure to train to act like each other from a really early age,” Tim said, snatching the bag of chips that Lionel chucked at his head. His snack laden triplet plonked himself on the plush spinning chair, shoving a hand inside the bag of gummy worms and cramming it down his throat as he spun around.

“I can’t believe I’ve never even checked up on you at your place!! If I did, I would have noticed it way earlier!”

“Probably not,” Lionel mumbled through his mouthful of colorful gummy worms. “You only caught us because Tim got beat half to death by an edgy crime lord teenager.”

Dick hunched into himself, a myriad of complicated emotions- largely, guilt and fury and heartbreak- wormed its way past his face. Tim glared and threw a chip at his triplet.

“It’s fine, Dick. Lionel’s just being an asshole. We’re taking care of it. Revenge prank.” Tim explained.

“He wouldn’t have caught us and you know it.” Lionel grumbled.

“I’ll help.” Dick mumbled dejectedly.

“You’ll have to get in line, Wing,” Tim went back to his laptop. “My thirds got first dibs, and I’m not planning on staying still either. I’m gonna mess with Jason’s slush funds.”

“He’s got a stash of cash locked up in the fourth safe house, but that’s not interesting. Look!” Lionel proudly displayed a duffle bag- from where he got it from, Dick had no clue- and unzipped it to show batteries, lightbulbs, and random bits and bobs.

“What is that?” Dick asked.

“That’s the second lightbulb in his bathroom light! This is the left battery in his TV remote! And this is half of his back up boot laces. I took all of his 10 mm sockets! And the specialized socket he got for his bike! And this,” Lionel grinned, lifting up a piece of fabric. “Is his pillow case!”

“Niceee.” Tim whistled. He tossed a piece of tech at Lionel. “Sneak back into his house and put that in between his pillows. It’ll keep both sides uncomfortably warm.”

“Fuck yeah!”

“Is… this revenge for almost killing you?” Dick asked.

“It’s either this or complete and total financial ruin, social death, and then actual death.” Tim tapped away at his laptop.

“You’re kind of scary, you know that?”

“We know!” Lionel chirped.

“Base, come in.”

“Base,” Tim quickly replied, laser focused on Archy’s call. Lionel and Dick quieted.

“Hood’s lurking outside the school like a creep,” Archy muttered into the comm, papers rustling behind him.

Dick tensed, upset making itself visible once more.

“You still have the container I gave you this morning in your pocket?”

“Yes.”

Tim smirked in a way that made Dick suddenly have a horrible need to shake and lecture him on the moralities of not becoming a villain. “It’s glitter. Purple and pinks.”

“…Ah.”

“Godspeed, Archy!” Lionel chirped again, sounding slightly more demented.

A moment of silence before-

“Oof!” A puff. “Oh, no! I’m so sorry, mister!”

On the other end of the comm, the gruff voice of a beefy teenager spluttered, “What- why do you- egh- my mouth! The glitter went into- pleh, pleh! What the fuck, kid?!”

“I’m so sorry! It was supposed to be for a project! I worked so hard to mix the colors right! Wait, stay still, mister! I’ll help!”

Archy, eyes wide and innocent, patted some more glitter onto the vigilante.

“No, stop! Stop! You’re getting it on my bike!”

“It’s a pretty color- oh hey, this is open-”

“No! That’s the fuel tank!”

“Oh! Whoops! Sorry!”

As chaos spread on the other side of the comms, Tim and Lionel burst into cackles. Dick choked on the marshmallows, helplessly shaking with laughter.

Lionel whacked at Dick’s back, hysterically giggling.

“That’s- that’s Archy?”

“Archy pretending to be Lionel pretending to be me yeah. I hope he got glitter in the fuel tank.” Tim grinned.

“Want me to patrol tonight to see if he got the glitter out of his bike?”

Lionel jabbed his pointy elbows onto Dick’s shoulders. “Absolutely. Distract him, too! I gotta mess with his safe houses. He’ll never feel comfortable in a safe house ever again.”

“Don’t go overboard, Lionel.” Tim looked up. “But also, I changed his WiFi passwords to 123456, so do with that what you will.”

Lionel grinned. Dick mustered up a smile in response, pushing the guilt away. He had a lot to make up to his little brothers, and if terrorizing Jason was how he was going to accomplish that… well, Dick’s not feeling too nice about Jason right now.

——

Batman squinted suspiciously at a humming Nightwing.

“Something happen?” He managed to ask.

“Hm? Oh, no, I got some nice pictures.”

“…I see.”

Batman, regardless of what his history might suggest, knew how to pick his battles. This? This thing that brought Nightwing’s murder smile? This was one battle he was willing to walk away from.

“Hey, B, you ever think about adopting more kids?”

Batman choked and promptly grappled away. Nightwing cackled.

“You can’t escape the question!”

Batman ran faster.

[bloomeng]

Woke up to people upset on tiktok (fork spotted in kitchen) because I didn’t make Dick fem/slutty enough in the au. They can argue with the wall but “I think I know more about american girl doll than you do genius.” Anyway, it reminded me that I actually wanted to talk about that.

So first off I think there’s a misconception that Dick is the “fem” brother, same with Tim, that I think stems from people unintentionally projecting femininity onto them in fanon because they’re the most queer/queer-coded of the bunch. But in the text they’re really not that feminine. That’s a whole can of worms that’s far more nuanced than my silly au deserves. Maybe I’ll touch on that in more detail in a dedicated post because I do think it’s worth noting.

But also this has nothing to do with whether or not they can wear skirts. Anyone can wear a skirt imo, it’s just clothing that somewhere along the way we decided was gendered. It didn’t use to be.

I didn’t put Dick in a skirt for several reasons (he’s my fav so yknow I sat around thinking about it)

a) I didn’t think he’d get anything out of wearing one therefore his artifact would respond to that. In general I personally think Dick is neutral about most clothing. I think he is concerned with comfort though he does enjoy novelty. Most of his flashiness comes from him trying to garner a reaction and isn’t wholly indicative of his authentic taste.

b) He’s an acrobat and relies on flipping around. Not that these outfits are practical at all but this is such a large part of his character that I needed to retain. A skirt would just annoy him because of how much it gets in the way.

c) I was trying to match the vibe of the original outfits.

Jason on the other hand I legit think would get something out of a skirt, but it’s also notable that he tends to be a long range fighter (guns and all) and I think if this were a comic or a show the skirt would add some really cool action shots with the recoil of a gun and the swing of his hammer.

Cass got a skirt because she loves dance and I was mimicking ballet outfits. And again I think it would make for some sick action lines while fighting.