#world state: ash in the sun

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[frantic-fiction]

I'll Find My Way Back to You

(Can't find source of pic if it's yours let me know)

Astarion x GN!Reader

Prompt: A century after Tav passes Astarion comes across an artist who is oddly familiar and paints moments that seemed to be pulled straight from Astarion's life.

Thank you to @justporo for letting me use their idea. Go show them some love.

Warnings: Tav's death, brief mention of s*icide, angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 4.6k (Oops kinda went overboard)

Masterlist

“There’s no world I wish to live in without you,”

“My dear Astarion, we will find our way back to each other. This is not the end.”

Over a century has passed—a long, lonely century without Tav by his side. Astarion doesn’t understand how he’s endured, not with the void in his chest that appeared the moment he laid them to rest. The absence of his person, his love, his Tav, has left Astarion once again alone. 

For nearly a decade, he found himself trapped in a state of near-catatonia, a prisoner of time within their empty home. He wasted away, the days blending into one another, each marked by a silent ache in his chest—the void left by Tav’s departure. Tears soaked into the earth of the carefully tended grave, adorned with vibrant flowers from Tav’s garden. He often contemplated surrendering to the sun’s embrace, letting its rays turn his existence to ash for a semblance of peace.

He yearned to end the pain, yet he refrained. He made a promise whispered with heavy hearts and painful sobs—a promise that forced them to confront the harsh reality that Tav would always leave first. Instead of embracing the end, Astarion wasted away, a ghost of his former self, yearning for the return of his love. Change arrived when Tav visited him in a dream; the details were blurry, but Tav’s beautiful smile was etched in memory. The sweet words in that dream eluded him, yet upon waking, a faint lightness settled within him. Astarion graced the night with a flicker of energy for the first time since Tav’s passing.

Tav would have wished for him to move on. They would have wanted him to live. The stagnant life he clung to wasn’t what Tav would want for him. So that day, Astarion gathered his essentials into a bag and set forth as soon as the sun dipped below the horizon. Only momentarily stopping to bid his love a final, tearful farewell. Since that moment, he hasn’t stopped moving.

Astarion believed Tav would take pride in the life he’s built—the good he’s accomplished over the many years. He traversed all over Faerun, from Waterdeep to Skull Crag, never lingering in one place for too long. He wasn’t the hero Tav was, but he aided towns against monsters, dispatched goblins, and took odd jobs to help however he could. Throughout his travels, he dedicated most of his time to sharing stories of Tav, ensuring their memory lived on. When he first heard the bards’ songs recounting the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, he knew he had succeeded. Now, you can’t sit in a tavern without hearing tales and melodies about Tav.

Every day, he longed for Tav to be by his side. He yearned to feel their soft skin, experience their tender kisses, and sense their warm arms encircling his waist—the echo of their laughter dancing in his ears. He missed every aspect of Tav and would do anything to see them again. Yet, the world ran out of miracles for him. Instead, he learned with time to cope, to come to terms with their absence, and keep them close to his heart. 

***

Astarion traverses the dusty cobblestone of Wyrm’s Crossing and finds himself back in the heart of Baldur’s Gate—a city he’s consciously avoided for most of the century. It’s a place drenched in memories from his past life with Cazador, but mostly, the streets seem to be haunted by the presence of Tav.

His return to Baldur’s Gate remains shrouded in mystery. All he can discern is that he awoke one day in Daggerford, gripped by an inexplicable yearning to revisit the city. A compelling force tugging him down the Sword Coast, Astarion initially dismissed it as mere homesickness, scoffing at the notion. Yet, the persistent thought lingered, infesting his mind until he could no longer ignore the instinct to return.

The city remains strikingly unaltered despite the passage of time and the trials it endured. The same piss-stained cobblestone, alleyways cluttered with remnants of urban life, and a diverse array of inhabitants navigating the night. It’s an unsettling constant, especially juxtaposed against the transformation of Astarion’s existence.

Wandering through the back alleys and side streets, Astarion meanders aimlessly. Occasionally, a sight triggers memories, evoking a lump in his throat. The Elfsong Tavern, once familiar, now bears a different name and identity, a formal establishment concealing the echoes of nights spent in Tav’s comforting embrace. Bloomride Park, the graveyard, and the docks—all weave together, painting a vivid tapestry of Tav’s omnipresence.

Amidst the tumult of emotions, Astarion grapples with why he subjected himself to this emotional turmoil. The urge to retreat, to flee Baldur’s Gate before the dawn breaks, lingers within him. Yet, the itch persists, buried deep within his bones, propelling him forward. He silently promises himself the night to wander the city, and by this time tomorrow, he will be on his way to another town for another adventure.

Venturing into a dim, isolated street, Astarion observes a solitary lamplight spilling its soft glow from a store window. Peering through, he discovers a small art studio. Within, a graceful elf seems to dance with a paintbrush, each stroke deliberate yet flowing. Like a harpie song, Astarion is mesmerized and utterly captivated. He watches on silently, observing the elves happily consumed with their work. It gives him a wave of nostalgia, moments of watching Tav as they painted, unaware he was watching from the door. Astarion could almost hear the sweet hums that filled the room between brush strokes. 

Then he freezes, gaze snapping to the paintings that adorn the studio, scattered reflections of his life. Images of Karlach, Shadowheart, and all the others grace the space. However, it’s the depictions of himself that seize his breath. Compelled by an unseen force, Astarion walks right into the studio. In a far corner, he sees an intimate portrayal—an embrace that resonates with familiarity. 

The bell rings, and you break from your artistic trance. Startled, you look up, and there stands the pale elf in the doorway—the hero of Baldur’s Gate, Astarion—the man who has clouded your dreams for as long as memory serves. Startled, you look up, and there stands a pale elf in the doorway—the hero of Baldur’s Gate, Astarion—the man who has clouded your dreams for as long as memory serves.

The dreams began as mere fragments—white curls, sharp teeth, delicate hands. Gradually, they evolved into more vivid scenes—muffled conversations by a campfire, laughter and gentle shoves, and stolen kisses between bed sheets—private moments of a stranger, a byproduct of an active imagination intertwined with an elven crush. Or at least that was what your mother would say. Now, the subject of those dreams stands before you.

Astarion, surrounded by the art that mirrors his life, fixates on a miniature portrait. The details are hazy, yet he recalls the campfire, the desperation in his gaze, and a significant confession followed by an embrace.

You pick up a fallen brush with a trembling hand, placing it in a water cup. Asterion was just as breathtakingly beautiful as your dream portrayed, but to see him in person has your heart hammering in your chest and your breath quickening with nerves. Wiping paint-covered hands on your smock, you took a deep breath and gathered the courage to approach Astarion. 

Staring at the portrait, you utter quietly, “This one’s my favorite. Though I wish I could have captured the others’ images better.”

“Tav.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The person you painted. My partner Tav, they used to paint too,” Astarion’s voice carries the weight of unspoken emotions.

“Oh, yes. They were the leader of your group, if I remember correctly. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Astarion remains silent, the canvas now a source of unbearable memories. He moves through the studio, examining the art up close. It’s weird to have your muse perusing around your gallery. It’s embarrassing to have Astarion see just how many pieces have been dedicated to him. What do you do at this point? Should you follow him, tell him about each piece and the dreams behind them? No, that seems pretentious, so you retreat to the canvas you’ve been working on for the better part of the week.

This piece was different—a symbol rather than a person or scene. Rings of unknown runes fan out in jagged edges, evoking a sense of beauty tinged with profound sadness. It disturbed you to your core, but you needed to paint it. It’s how it always goes. Once a dream pops into your head, whether it’s a scene, a person, or a symbol, it refuses to leave until you’ve laid it on a canvas. Picking up the brush, you dip it back into the red paint and continue to bolden the lines. 

“Who are you?” Astarion’s voice is right behind you; you jump, knocking a pot of paint over. Cursing softly, you quickly right the pot, attempting to salvage the spilled paint. Paint isn’t cheap, and in your non-upper-class circumstances, every drop is precious.

“Oh, I’m sorry; I have been very rude,” you offer your name. “I, of course, already know you, Astarion. It’s hard not to come across the tales of the heroes of Baldur’s Gate, but I guess—” Your rambling trails off pathetically as something changes in Astarion. There’s tension in his shoulders, a coldness in his eyes. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you nervously play with a loose thread on the smock.

Astarion scrutinizes you with a piercing gaze, his eyes lingering on your face as if searching for hidden truths. The air becomes taut, charged with an almost palpable intensity. Then, as if propelled by an unseen force, he reacts like a tightly wound rubber band snapping. Reaching out, he harshly pulls you to him, bearing his teeth at you. Your stomach drops, shocked by the aggression. 

“Have you been following me? Stalking me?” His voice carries a storm of anger, his grip on your shoulders unyielding, the coldness of his touch akin to ice piercing through the fabric of your being. “Don’t lie to me because I’ve shown one person that fucking scar, and I buried them.”

Your heart races, fear coursing through your veins as you whimper a response, tears welling up in your eyes. “I-I don’t know, I’m sorry,”

“Don’t lie!”

“Please, I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know; I have dreams; I don’t know why, b-but I dream of you,” your voice falters, and your vulnerability is laid bare. “I dream of you, your friends, and places I’ve never been. I’m sorry, I’ll stop, I promise.”

As abruptly as his hands seized you, they vanished, leaving you stumbling to your knees, unable to contain the torrent of tears streaming down your face. Curling in on yourself, you can’t stop the cries of apologies and promises of never picking up a brush again, of burning every last piece in the room. 

Astarion looks down at you, his expression shifting from anger to a complex amalgamation of horror and something else—perhaps realization. Stepping away, he leaves you rooted to the spot. Your gaze fixed blankly out the window. Odd and conflicting emotions swirl within you—fear, confusion, longing?—all clashing fiercely. Amidst the tumult, one thought emerges with undeniable clarity—this won’t be the last time you see Astarion.

*

Astarion’s breaths come in ragged gasps as he runs through the barren streets, escaping the grasp of the haunting memories that threaten to consume him. His thoughts are a raging storm, and he pays no heed to the bewildered faces of those he rudely pushes past. The town of Rivington is a blur as he sprints through it, a desperate escape, picking a direction and refusing to stop until his body aches, halting only when the sun begins its ascent above the horizon.

In his frantic need to run, there was no consideration for shelter from the sun’s relentless rays. Mercifully, he stumbles upon an abandoned cave. Dry, dusty, and shrouded in darkness, it becomes his refuge. In a corner, he sinks slowly against the cool, rough wall to the ground, seeking solace in the obscurity.

Astarion pulls his knee to his chest, pressing his forehead against his crossed arms. Shaking and shivering, a stark contrast to the bitter summer heat enveloping the cave, he clings to his vulnerability. Eyes shut tight, jaw clenched, fingernails dig deep into his arms as if attempting to anchor himself in the reality that threatens to crumble around him.

Desperation claws at him, and he yearns for Tav. The desire to feel Tav’s warm embrace, hands crossing over his chest, pulling him close, torments him. He longs for the soft whispers of love and the gentle press of lips. Astarion can’t navigate this without Tav. He’s a mess, barely holding on, living each agonizing day, acutely aware that the best part of him is gone, and he can do nothing to reclaim it.

The cruelty of encountering such intimate moments from his past life with Tav wounds him deeply. These were moments meant for him and Tav alone. Realizing that a stranger could capture those cherished memories intended for one person alone turns his stomach.

Anger becomes a conduit for his overwhelming emotions, and the terrified look on the artist’s face is etched in his mind, an indelible scar on his conscience. Shame burns within him, a searing reminder of the boundaries he violated. Physically assaulting someone in their own space—what would Tav think of him now?

The artist adds another layer to Astarion’s confusion. The familiarity is uncanny—the excited calf raises, the almost-stumbles afterward, the nervous lip biting, puffed cheeks during deep concentration, and the mindless dancing when no one is watching. Every little thing the artist did mirrored Tav, and with all his memories physically displayed, Asterion finds himself lost in a sea of confusion. Why does this stranger resemble his love so deeply?

The bards’ tales of soulmates and reincarnation, once dismissed as mere children’s stories and fiction, now claw at the edges of Astarion’s consciousness. What if? What if Tav found their way back to him? Weirder things have happened in his long life, and the possibility plants a seed of hope within him.

Yet, he forcefully suppresses that hope. It won’t serve him, not now. Instead, he resolves to learn more. By nightfall, he returns to the city, catching the first boat to Waterdeep. After a day and some change, he stands outside the Wizards’ tower, resentment simmering as he contemplates turning to Gale, his best chance at answers.

A groan escapes Astarion as he hangs his head, and a series of knocks echo on the thick wooden door. “This better be worth it…”

The door swings open on its own into a dimly lit foyer. Astarion follows a familiar path, the cool air and faint scent of ancient tomes embracing him. He ascends the staircase with nostalgia and reluctance, each step echoing the countless times Tav and himself sought knowledge and assistance within these walls.

As he pushes open the study door, a scene unfolds before him. Gale is hunched over a worn scroll, graying hair ruffled, and a small pair of reading glasses set on the tip of his nose. The room is bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, creating an intimate ambiance. Notes adorn the margins, evidence of Gale’s ceaseless quest for understanding.

Gale looks up, a broad, warm smile gracing his features, and Astarion is momentarily transported back to the times when this sage was only a joke he poked fun at across camp. Removing his reading glasses, Gale pushes up from his desk, an air of welcoming familiarity enveloping the room.

“Well, look who the tressym dragged in. How are you, Astarion?”

Astarion stiffens as he is pulled into a spontaneous hug by Gale. The embrace is both unexpected and oddly comforting, a physical manifestation of the genuine camaraderie they’ve shared through the years. Astarion, unaccustomed to such displays of affection, awkwardly pats Gale’s back before gently pulling away.

“I’m afraid I’ve been better.”

Gale’s eyes convey concern and understanding as he gestures for Astarion to sit. The worn chair creaks under the weight of memories and the weightier burden of Astarion’s troubled soul.

“Then sit down, my friend, and tell me how I can help.”

***

Days of tireless research and a network of favors exchanged between magical acquaintances have led them to a glimmer of hope. Though not expansive, the discovery hints at the possibility that souls entwined so tightly may have a magnetic pull toward each other. A pull is so strong that souls can find each other in different lifetimes. Tales have described soulmates experiencing memories from previous lifetimes together, but they were vague at best. The specific remains elusive, shrouded in mystery, yet it’s enough to kindle a spark of hope within Astarion’s lonely heart.

Gale, ever the bore, offers a gentle reminder, “Now, just remember, if you try to force feelings before—”

“I would never!” Astarion’s retort carries a venomous edge, an unspoken warning to watch his following words carefully. Gale raises his hands in defense. 

“My point is the brain is a prickly thing. It’s best not to rush anything it’s not ready for.”

“Yes, yes, you have said this five times already. Would you please activate the portal? I have an apology to make.”

Anticipation hums in the air, a palpable energy that courses through Astarion. A fleeting smile graces his lips, and for a moment, the weight of his grief is replaced by a glimmer of life.

Looking at Astarion with a fondness born of shared trials, Gale responds, “Of course, Astarion.”

With a confident shake of his wrist, he activates the magical circle, and the room is bathed in a radiant glow of bright runes, their purple luminescence dancing in the semi-darkness.

Astarion steps toward the portal, his heart pulsating with trepidation and newfound hope. However, before crossing the threshold, he turns around to face Gale, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Thank you, Gale. I will not forget this.”

“It was my pleasure. Now, I expect to meet this lovely artist sooner rather than later.” Gale’s parting words hang in the air, infused with the hope of rekindling a connection beyond the realms of understanding.

*

Back in the heart of Baldur’s Gate, Astarion swiftly navigated the bustling streets, an air of anticipation accompanying him. His purpose was clear—to reach your studio and beg for your forgiveness. A brief pause along the way allowed him to acquire a small bundle of daisies, a spontaneous choice fueled by the memory of Tav’s fondness for these delicate blooms.

As Astarion approached the studio, a surge of uncertainty clawed at him. Hesitation gripped his every step, the shadow of fear etched across his features. The fear in your eyes during the last encounter was seared into his memory. Had his previous outburst irreparably damaged any chance of reconciliation? The conflicting forces of his desire to see you again and the instinct to flee wrestled within him. Yet, he pressed forward, forcing himself down the street, and there you stood.

The scene that greeted him was a chaotic masterpiece of colors. Paint adorned your cheeks and arms, a testament to the artistic fervor that consumed you. Your hair, a cascade of untamed strands, framed a face that mirrored both exhaustion and creative passion. Astarion had a sudden urge to brush the strands away and press a soft kiss to your cheek, something he often did with Tav.

Your weariness was palpable—shoulders slumped, eyes half-lidded. Perhaps, he pondered, he should postpone this encounter, allowing you the reprieve of rest. The realization that he might be the last person you wanted to see compelled Astarion to take a step back, an unspoken retreat.

But just as he moved to leave, your eyes jumped up to meet his, you froze mid-stroke, and Astarion couldn’t read your expression. He should go. Why did he think this was a good idea? He’s just about to run when you nod for him to come in. Obliging, Astarion found himself standing awkwardly within the studio; you went back to painting. Your brush danced across the canvas, applying a vibrant shade of blue in deliberate strokes. Astarion’s attempts to break the silence faltered, his words dissolving into the room’s stillness.

“What are you doing here, Astarion?” The steadiness in your voice pierced the calm. You tried to hold on to your anger for the man all week. But upon seeing him standing so lost on the street had your resolve crumbling. You can’t deny the mild excitement that fluttered through your veins upon seeing him again.

His voice, momentarily lost, found its way back. “I-I came here to apologize for last week. My behavior was deplorable, and I wish to make things right.”

A wry amusement flickered in your eyes as you evaluated the bouquet, now slightly worse for wear under his tight grip. “And you believe a bundle of broken daisies would win you my forgiveness?”

Astarion, caught off guard, looked down at the bruised bouquet. “Um…well, I was hoping for roses, but they were fresh out.”

A snort escaped you as you put down your paintbrush and approached him. A tentative touch on his forearm transferred the flowers from his grasp to yours, eliciting a shiver down his spine. The longing to reach out is strong, but Astarion holds still as you retreat.

Intently studying the daisies, you began to divide the bundle into two piles. Astarion watched silently, recognizing echoes of Tav’s essence reflected in your actions. While understanding that you were not Tav, the profound sorrow gripping his heart seemed to ease in your presence.

“Half,” you declared suddenly.

“Pardon?”

“Half of the daisies survived.”

“And where does that leave us?”

With a theatrical flair, you pondered the question, pacing the room. “That, good sir, is the question. What is my forgiveness worth? I did luck out; daisies are my favorite, so you’re a step farther than roses would have gotten you.” 

Astarion, grasping the playful undertone, decided to play along. With a hand on his hips and a wicked smirk, he responded, “Well, I am a pretty lucky man. Now, please, I beg, what more can I do to gain your forgiveness?”

You hummed softly, tapping your chin. You keep Astarion in suspense for a moment before you suddenly turn to the man. “How about…I get dressed, you take me out to dinner, and we’ll go from there?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” The agreement hung in the air, a hope for something more lingering. 

***

The dinner evolved into an evening stroll, a seamless transition from pleasant chatter to playful banter. It was an unexpected evening, but the time spent with Astarion was so easy, so familiar you didn’t want it to end. Reading about the saviors of Baldur’s Gate was intriguing, and dreaming of a vampiric elf held its allure, but nothing compared to the tangible presence of the real Astarion.

Astarion embodied the epitome of perfection – handsome, intelligent, and endowed with a wit that had you giggling all night. He was the quintessential gentleman, the embodiment of every mother’s hopeful wish for their child.

What started as a single date quickly snowballed into a series of enchanting encounters – one date led to two, then five, until you found yourself drawn into his orbit every week. The pace was exhilarating, and being around Astarion felt like being charged with an electric current. It was not just addictive; it was a whirlwind of happiness, and you couldn’t help but revel in it.

If one indulged in whimsical tales, the idea that Astarion might be your soulmate would have crossed your mind. His ability to read you so intimately sometimes felt like he delved into the depths of your mind.

The dreams persisted, evolving into a kaleidoscope of memories that intertwined your moments with Astarion and a phantom era where someone else shared his company. Astarion, at times, would cast glances at you as you transferred another dream to canvas, an anticipation lingering in his eyes. Despite his attempts, he couldn’t veil the disappointment when the visions resulted in nothing more than another painting adorning the wall.

Then, it occurred on a serene spring day, three years since Astarion first entered your studio. The sun had yet to set, and you found solace curled up with Astarion. Limbs tangled, chests pressed together, hands intertwined – a tableau of intimate connection. His cold nose nestled against the crook of your neck, his white curls playfully tickling your nose.

Behind your closed eyelids, soft images of a forest clearing unfolded – Astarion shirtless, beckoning you towards him. Something clicked, and suddenly, the foreign memories that greeted you each night became a mosaic of your own experiences. The floodgates opened, overwhelming you with a lifetime of moments – kisses beneath the stars, laughter resonating around a campfire, and heart-stopping close calls with death.

Astarion often spoke of Tav, a robust and kind soul who played a pivotal role in shaping him. He wouldn’t be who he is today without them. You now knew a bit better; yes, you had nudged him along the way, but his growth was his own, and you couldn’t be more proud. To think of the years he spent without you, the grief he must have had to push through. If the roles were reversed, you don’t believe you would have been strong enough to keep going.

Startled from his slumber, Astarion found your body descending upon his, your hand meeting his chest with firm slaps. “Stop you, little gremlin.” Groggily, he attempted to restrain you in a tender embrace. He was met with your swift departure from his lap. He heard the patter of your feet retreating from the bed.

“You are a bastard, Astarion!”

Fully alert and by your side instantly, “What did I do, my sweet?”

Worry etched into every crease of his face as he cupped your jaw, looking frantically into your eyes. You intertwined your fingers with his, your other hand reaching out to caress the skin of his hip. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

Astarion scrutinized your face, his eyes delving deep into yours. The faintest furrow of his brows betrayed his thoughts. As if following an unspoken script, he pulled you in by the waist, foreheads gently meeting.

Glistening with unshed tears, Astarion whispered, “You remember?” His voice trembled.

“Yes… maybe it’s all still tangled. But yes, I remember Tav – well, I remember us.”

Astarion’s smile widened, his fangs peeking out, and his lips met yours in a heated kiss spinning the two of you around the room. It was a slow dance of lips as if Astarion had all the time in the cosmos to savor this moment. While you could quickly lose yourself in the embrace, you were privy to all his subtle tricks. You turned your face when he attempted to draw you back into the kiss.

“Gods, Astarion, for three years, you knew and never said anything. I’ve painted you for almost as long as I could wield a brush, and for three years, you knew why!” Another slap graced his chest, and tears trickled down your cheeks, eagerly wiped away by his thumbs.

“I wanted to, my love. The moment I realized I wanted to. But this couldn’t be rushed; you can’t rush the mind.”

“Star, I’m so sorry I took so long,”

“No, stop; you took as long as you needed to return to me.” His forehead rests against yours once more, and the room stands still for a moment. “What matters is you’re here, in my arms, and I’m not letting go anytime soon.”

A choked sob mingled with a chuckle, and you nuzzled closer into Astarion, hiding your face into his neck. “Gods, I love you, Astarion.”

“And I love you.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay loves, let me know what you think. I've been working on this for over a week and still find some sections I'm not all that happy with, but I want to move on to other pieces. Any and every interaction makes my day.

Taglist: heartfully10, ayselluna

[illyrianbitch]

Beneath the Ashes of Our Broken Oaths

Pairing: Morrigan's Sister!Reader x Azriel

Summary: After abandoning the refuge of Velaris, you, Morrigan’s twin sister, returned to the forsaken Hewn City fueled by a vision for a better future. Now, your estranged family seeks your help when rumors of rebellion spread at a time of utmost inconvenience. Torn between your anger and a desire to protect the good, you begrudgingly agree and are forced to face memories of a past life and the unsettling presence of Azriel– the first man you ever loved.

Warnings: ANGST, Helion being compassionate and its sexy, Inner Circle slander (sorry feyre baby), Y/N is kind of a bitch (but its warranted and a slay), family trauma.

Word Count: 2.9k

Part Two

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

It was Helion, the High Lord of Day, who had seen the flicker of hope in your eyes. A man of discerning wisdom, he recognized your yearnings of a better world. He knew you, he knew your heart, and he trusted your vision— with the promise of your support shall he need it. You knew that your support, in the grand scheme of things, meant nothing to Helion. He had always held a heart of gold, of understanding, and he would have helped you without anything in return. But you had insisted, declared that you needed to give him something to thank him. Your support, he had agreed on. It was all you had left, anyway. 

Now, you stood before him, pleading. Your chest was tight and a calm panic filled your veins. You needed to act. You needed to keep things in place.

"Helion, please," your voice, normally composed, now carried a tremor, a plea that hung in the air, reeking of desperation. Low light poured through stained glass windows as the sun slowly set, painting a kaleidoscope of muted colors on the marble floors.

His eyes, usually filled with warmth, held a regretful sympathy. 

"Y/N, I wish I could," He replied, his voice caressing the air,  "But with the current state of affairs and your father’s growing paranoia, it's too risky. I can't jeopardize my people. My help is needed elsewhere."

Approaching you, he extended a large hand, gently cupping your chin, his touch reassuring and pained. "Give me some time, sweetheart."

Desperation deepened in your eyes, and the intensity of your plea swelled. Aching with fear and worry, your gaze remained locked on his. "I don’t have time. Hewn City corrupts swiftly. You know this.”

Helion sighed, a sound filled with a blend of both compassion and helplessness. "Perhaps you should reach out to Rhysand. His influence might help, now more than ever."

Yor felt a bitterness surface, like bile rising through your throat. A soft scoff left your mouth as you roughly pulled Helion’s hand away from your chin, withdrawing from his touch in offense. "Rhys had a chance to help. He didn’t. He couldn’t care less. I won’t go crawling to him."

Helion's gaze softened, a tender response to your rough tone. He let out a sigh and pulled you close to him once more. His touch sent a wave of comfort through you, something that happened often when you visited him to discuss these things. Helion was a man who loved physical connection— you didn’t mind it. It made you feel seen, understood. Now, you craved that feeling more than ever.

 "I don’t understand this contempt you hold. Surely they will want to help you. They miss you."

You rolled your eyes at this. Of course Helion would think so. As much as you trusted him and his admiration for you, he always did love your family. Your sister and your cousin would always be in your life, tied to you in one way or another. Frustration tinged your voice. 

"It's too late. Going to Rhysand now would draw unwanted attention or, worse, he’d halt my efforts because of some perceived danger."

There was a moment of silence, and your eyes bounced around the room, searching for somewhere to land that wasn’t Helion's burning gaze. Once more, he moved a hand to gently cradle your face.

"You cannot foresee every outcome. You're not a mind reader, Y/N."

A bitter laugh escaped you, and you looked up at him through your lashes. "I might as well be when it comes to family."

 "You've accomplished so much. Allow yourself a reprieve. You can't bear the weight of the innocents lives in Hewn City alone."

You blinked away the tears that welled in your eyes as you admitted, "I can't afford to stop. If I do, they'll think I've given up." 

"No," Helion asserted, his voice unwavering. "Your dedication is commendable, but you need to care for yourself. Let me help you."

You bit the inside of your cheek as you stared at him, his brows furrowed slightly and a sad smile on his face. He moved his hand once more, gently tucking stray strands of hair behind your ear. Then, he ran a finger along it, a soft caress carried by a weight of understanding. You shuddered at the lightness of his touch. 

 "Stay, Y/N,” He suggested, his voice smooth and low, “Let me be a distraction. You take care of others; let someone take care of you."

You leaned slightly into his caress, feeling the warmth radiating from his hand. A fleeting sense of comfort teased at the edges of your weary soul. Yet, reality swiftly reasserted its grasp, and you gently withdrew, a soft sigh escaping your lips.

"I appreciate the offer," you murmured, your voice tinged with regret. Your hand delicately intercepted his, guiding it away from your cheek. "But I can't afford the luxury of distraction right now."

He acknowledged your decision with a small nod. 

“I wish I could do more for you."

A tender smile found its way to your lips and you held his gaze for a fleeting moment of gratitude.

“I know.” You replied before you winnowed away, leaving the luminous embrace of the Day Court behind.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

You were on edge. You had been for the last few weeks. Now, after failing to convince Helion, you could feel it catching up to you, a dark hole forming in the pit of your stomach. It felt like you were being swallowed alive, eaten by your own anxieties and fear. But you didn’t have time for this. You couldn’t risk falling apart, becoming vulnerable. No, not at a time like this.

You had mastered the art of drowning your thoughts, of discarding the weight that threatened to pull you under. Tonight would be no different. The impending storm would be weathered, as it always had been. You would begin to drink your worries away, give them time to manifest, and then shove them away into the crawlspace of your mind, free to collect dust and rot away.

You moved toward a small table where a simple platter of dark amber liquid awaited. Your fingers tightened around a small crystal glass as you poured. As the first sip touched your lips, you felt the familiar burn, a welcomed distraction. The amber liquid offered solace, if only for a fleeting moment.

And then, you stilled. The creak of the floorboards behind you announced their presence, and you felt it—a pricking at the base of your neck, the subtle disturbance of the air as someone entered, no, appeared. Your body tensed instinctively, shoulders rigid, as you ceased your movements. You took a moment to compose yourself, closing your eyes and inhaling deeply-- a futile attempt to ground yourself.

You downed the drink, the warmth spreading through your veins, and set your glass down, a definitive thud echoing in the silence as it met the table. You turned around slowly, the ever-present undercurrent of anxiety beneath your skin momentarily masked by a face of composure. The simple décor of your home surrounded you—the tattered tapestries, broken furniture—all a testament to a life you had built in the aftermath of your return. One that lacked the color that you once held.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” Your voice, laced with both mockery and a hint of something darker, hung in the air.

In front of you, Rhysand stood tall and proud, a figure of authority. His eyes, once familiar and comforting, now held a look determination. His gaze held yours strongly, and for a swift moment, you saw them soften. But the tenderness quickly dissipated, his eyes narrowing with a slight tilt of his head. You ran your eyes along his face, then down his form, taking in the detailed and intricate patterns of his clothing— an embodiment of Night Court royalty. Then, you looked at him again, your jaw clenching. It had been a while since you looked into his eyes, a violet color deeply embedded into your mind. For a moment, his presence consumed your thoughts, distracting you from the other man that you felt in your home.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see the dark figure stepping out from the corners of your room. A darkness licked at your skin.

"Hello, Azriel," you acknowledged him, your eyes remaining fixed on Rhysand.

Azriel's presence was a dark whisper. The edges of your room seemed to blur with shadows as he stood there, a silent observer.

"I’ve come to request your help," Rhysand's voice cut through the stillness, his words carrying the weight of urgency.

Your response was swift, dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, that's rich."

The corners of the room seemed to darken further as Rhysand's frustration manifested in the clenching of his jaw. The subtle play of shadows accentuated the lines on his face, revealing the strain of a desperate plea.

"Please hear me out."

You shook your head. They shouldn’t be here. This was risky, dangerous. You needed them to leave. They needed to disappear, to let you go and never find you again. That was the only way you would be able to survive.

But every fiber in your being was screaming to do the opposite, to embrace your cousin and explain to him, tell him everything. You wanted to get on your knees and beg for the kindness he always showed you, to ask him about your sister. For him to tell you about his life, his love, his child. But you couldn’t. And from inside you, your heart tugged you to Azriel, his stoic form. You couldn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to catch his gaze. It was all so wrong. This disconnect, this anger you felt for them, for your situation, for yourself… it was eating you up. But this wasn't the time. So you pulled your thoughts together and focused on the one thing that had never let you down: your fire.

You reminded yourself of the resentment you held, deep down. Reminded yourself of how they had failed you, separated themselves from you, your vision, and the suffering of the good people here, in Hewn City— your city. Rhysand's city.

Ignoring his original words, you looked at Rhysand with the hint of a wicked grin on your face.

"Where’s your child bride? I heard she’s reading at the same level as your babe. You must be overjoyed."

Rhysand's expression tightened, anger simmering beneath the surface. The mention of his mate touched a clear nerve, and for a brief moment, you reveled in the discomfort you had caused. It was a twisted satisfaction, a way to regain some sliver of control in this unexpected encounter.

His temper flared, a fleeting glimpse of vulnerability replaced by a presence of anger that you knew all too well. He bit down on his frustration, attempting to maintain a semblance of composure. But you pressed on.

“I’m only kidding, take a joke, Rhysand. 500 years and you still have the emotional regulation of a teenager. Nice to see some things don’t change."

Rhysand's eyes flashed with a mixture of anger and confusion, observing you and your wall of icy nonchalance. His name sounded foreign on your lips, spoken with such malice and distaste. Even the last time he had seen you, during a bloody war against Hybern, you had not been so venomous. This was a fact you both thought of as you stood here, now, in front of one another again. You moved gracefully through the room, ignoring their presence, and opened a small box that sat on your table. The delicate aroma of sugar wafted through the air. You took a seat.

Azriel and Rhysand exchanged glances. Your fingers idly played with the box, an ornate creation that held delicate, candied treats. With an almost casual indifference, you brought one of the sweet confections to your mouth, savoring the taste as if the weight of their presence meant nothing to you. You could feel the tension building in the atmosphere, heightened by their growing sense of agitation and frustration. It radiated off of them like heat. You welcomed it with open arms, like a freezing child in the cold.

"These are the loveliest desserts,” You explained, bringing the candy close to your face with an examining eye, “Hard to come across here. But I know a guy.”

“Want one?" you offered, dropping your candy back into the box and extending it toward Azriel, whose stoic expression remained unchanged.

"What? Doggy can’t take a treat?" You taunted with a measured smile. You didn’t miss the slight flare of his nostrils, or the way his shadows began to snake up his arms, angry and riled up.

A tense silence lingered as Azriel remained perfectly unmoving, his eyes holding a depth of attentiveness that made you uncomfortable. But the discomfort within you sought distraction, and you continued with your mockery. You waved your hands in the air as a dismissal.

"Bah, you guys are no fun."

The room felt charged as you baited them, your attempts to deflect the gravity of their visit becoming slowly evident in every casual gesture.

Rhysand's frustration reached a boiling point, and he took a step forward, shifting the conversation.

"We didn't come here for sweets and jests. We came for you."

You chuckled, a sound that held a bitter edge. "Me? You must be desperate, Rhysand."

A flicker of hurt crossed his eyes, swiftly replaced by a steely resolve. "There are rumors of rebellion here,” He took a pause, glancing around the room as if he was contemplating continuing. He spoke again, “But, I'm dealing with a larger threat that has me on the defense. I cannot afford an uprising."

Your laughter cut through the air like a blade. "Is the idea of civil unrest among your people an inconvenience? My, what an issue, must be terrible."

Rhysand's patience waned, his features hardening. "Stop this, Y/N. We need your help to prevent a disaster."

You leaned back against your furniture, your eyes narrowing as you regarded him with a chilling indifference. "I've heard nothing about any unrest. You've wasted a trip."

Rhysand's gaze bore into yours, an unspoken challenge. "Azriel has been in Hewn City, gathering information. He's heard the rumors. I know you're lying."

In that moment, a silent battle waged within you. The desire to help, to make a difference, warred against the fear of exposing yourself to the dangers lurking beyond your sanctuary. The memories of the past, the reasons you returned, echoed in your mind. You wanted to help, but you knew their presence could unravel the delicate life you had crafted.

Rhysand's voice softened, a genuine plea beneath the layers of frustration. "Y/N, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t serious. Why do you refuse to acknowledge that?"

Then, his eyes softened, sensing a crack in your facade. Inner turmoil clouded your eyes as you locked gazes with him. The conflict within you played out in the subtle tremor of your fingers, a telltale sign of something bubbling beneath your icy exterior. But as quickly as it manifested, you shut it down, fast enough to resolve Rhys of his attentive eyes. He swallowed and fixed his composure.

"Azriel has gained information that it's not just a rise against me. There are whispers of a rebellion against Keir himself. I need you to listen for information from your father."

Your father. A wave of nausea rippled throughout your body and you clenched your jaw in response. The title sounded strange coming from Rhysand, a stark reminder of your place here, of your place in his family. No, no. You thought. I will not let them see me falter.

Rhysand continued, "Azriel has gathered intelligence, but we need someone on the inside. We need you."

A cynical smile now played on your lips as you taunted them, "Maybe it's time for a change. The mighty High Lord struggling to keep control – how novel."

Azriel, who had maintained a cold silence until now, spoke up for the first time, taking a heavy step forward towards where you sat.

"We both know you do not mean that."

You turned your gaze to him, eyes dark. "And what do you know about what I mean, Azriel? You don't know anything about me."

Rhysand put a hand out in front of Azriel’s form, biting back his retort. The room hung heavy as you finally declared, "You've overstayed your welcome. It's time for you to leave."

Rhysand's eyes met yours with a determined glint.

"I will be back. Family does not give up."

His words pulled out a surge of anger bubbling within you. Family? Without a second thought, you stood up, your chair scraping against the floor. "Family, huh?" Your voice dripped with bitterness, and you moved toward him, anger etched on your face.

But before you could reach him, Rhysand winnowed away with a controlled fury, leaving Azriel lingering.

Azriel stood still, his eyes slightly narrowed, his brows furrowed at you. You met his gaze and felt a wave of guilt through your body, filling the hole where your fury once was a second before. If you didn’t know any better, it seemed as if Azriel was….. Disappointed? Hurt? But you stabilized yourself, pushing the observation away. Your anger, raw and unfiltered, had an intensity that took even him by surprise. He held your gaze. Then, like a wisp of darkness, he too disappeared, leaving you alone with the remnants of unresolved tension and the taste of bittersweet candied treats lingering in the air.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

a/n: hello hello!! welcome to my lil new fic!! im new here and i have no idea what im doing but i hope at least one person enjoys what has become my creative fictional baby. when i tell you this story has a place in my HEART....y/n here is multilayered and complex and flawed but that is why i love her!! serving cunt 24/7!!!

tumblr scares me so any feedback is so very loved and any advice is great too!! mwuah

[0-hoony]

sunny [ft. w.yx]

pairing : bsf classmate!nicholas x reader genre : fluff :( cw/tw : kissing + a littol suggestive wc : 0.7kish !

drowning under the weight of unsaid words and hidden feelings was something you'd made your peace with.

falling for your best friend, nicholas, who just so happened to be a classmate was not the best decision ever; but you’ve been dealing with it rather decently all these years.

so.. maybe it'll all work out just fine.

is what you thought, merely minutes ago.

everything was normal then; with both of you trying not to fall asleep during a particularly boring class. the harsh yet very welcome RING! of the school bell jolted you awake from your trance-like state, and you’d wasted no time in grabbing your bag and making your way towards the door.

but when has nico ever just let you leave?

a "where'd you think you're goin'" and a sharp tug to the strap of your bag as you're pulled back by none other than your best friend.

he reminds you that you have cleaning duty that day with a far too gleeful expression..

..and that's how you find yourself leaning against a desk, zoning out to thoughts of him and how the afternoon sunlight streams in through the windows perfectly lighting his features aglow..

the loosened tie, the rolled up sleeves, the small smile playing on his lips as he says something.. wait he's talking to you.

"you're not exactly subtle you know?"

you find yourself unable to think of an appropriate reply, instead choosing to hide behind a simple roll of your eyes.

he lets out a laugh at that, making his way towards you, "i didn't expect you to be so careless with your duties.."

at that, you can't help but gulp because even though it's not like you're not physically affectionate towards each other but something about this moment is.. decidedly not platonic.

nico's hands rest on the edges of the desk, his face just a little too close for comfort. he's effectively trapping you against it; seemingly completely unaware of the effect this is having on you.

when he speaks up next, voice barely more than a whisper, you feel his lips hover just above yours, "or is it that.. you're just too distracted by a certain someone..?"

something shifts right then. an obvious tension shrouds you and it's as if the two of you are the only people in the entire universe.

your hand reaches to tug on his collar, tentatively, with a considerable amount of hesitance; but the way his eyes meet yours – you swear you can see the sun, the moon, all the galaxies in those eyes – leaves you reeling.

you're not sure which of you closes the distance between your lips but you can't really bring yourself to care in the slightest.

not when nico's lips press against yours impatiently, eagerly. like he's been waiting for this. yearning for this, almost just as much as you.

especially not when your stomach is busily turning upside down like its life depends on it; all the while your best friend allows one of his hands to tangle into your hair, effectively deepening the kiss.

you'd do this forever if you could, but the unfortunate need for air causes you to push him away.

and oh, the way his face looks the absolute picture of debauchery, of indulgence; what with his heavily lidded eyes and flushed face. his delicately swollen lips still grab your attention with unsurprising ease.

he looks like the prettiest mess ever.

you find yourself unable to deal with all the thoughts that suddenly flood your brain. this is what you've been dreaming of for ages. but n is your best friend. best friends do not do this.

his hand moves to gently cup the back of your neck, then; bringing you forward to capture your lips in another kiss, this one vastly differing from the previous.

tender, languid movements as if you have all the time in the world. his soft skin is hot to the touch but if it's him you wouldn't mind burning to ashes the second he asked.

you feel all your doubts slowly die down, a lingering warmth spreading in their place as you find his other hand on the desk and intertwine both your fingers.

notes : @chiiyuuvv love youuu + ACCIDENTALLY ALMOST DELETED THIS ADN FR CRIED FOR LIKE 30 SECONDS + i lowk thought of sunwoo while writing but shhh + water related metaphors for reader n sun/fire related metaphors for nicho = symbolism loml ! + shoutout to this post and this post couldnt have done this without em + [m.list] song rec : sunny by rocco <3

[celestialtarot11]

How to reach your higher self according to Esoteric Astrology 💻💗

Hi friends! Welcome back to another post 🧿🪬 Today we’re looking at your Sun sign to see how you can reach your higher self. Enjoy! Please like comment and reblog to spread the love 🎉

First of all, why the Sun? Contrary to what modern astrology may present, in Esoteric Astrology the sun is meant to be tamed, not necessarily boosted. The sun represents the personality, the 3D self conditioned by opinions, narratives, and constructs created by other people.

Check your sun sign below ⬇️

Aries sun 🍵- Since Aries in esoteric astrology is seen as the rule setter, the creator of conditions, and also breaking that, in order to reach your highest potential you have to transcend the past versions of yourself. Transcending the versions of you that were created out of fear and survival is the utmost important. Aries also represents duality by the horns, the depiction of Aries is a bull or ram. This duality of Aries is spirit and physical matter. Aries can easily find themselves frustrated with the spiritual world and physical world, navigating and struggling to balance the two can cause a separation from the higher self. For example, following what others think vs. the intuition. Doing something different than what the norm thinks. Aries is also a sign of death, even if it’s exalted in traditional astrology. It’s important for Aries to allow themselves to experience ego deaths. The reason being is this: Aries is also described as experiencing a purification process through fire, their personalty (ego) burning to the ashes to see the way ahead of them. The purification signifies the end of narratives, false perceptions, and constraints created by society.

Leo ☕️- The representation and experience of us in a non physical form. To get closer to your higher self, let go of the physical world and the burdens attached to your energy. Experience yourself as greater than your physical form, and capable of more than just physicality. The sun plays three roles. Corona (what we see of the sun physically in the world) the heart of the sun (develops heart and soul) and lastly the Core which sustains our higher development. When Leos look away from inner work is when they can struggle to get closer to their higher selves. It’s important they continue shadow work to actually shine, as no light can exist without shadow. Leos have a vast life experience as well, and their heart and soul are meant to transcend in this lifetime. They are much more than their fears and anxieties, and past. Shadow work is Leos key to their higher self. As deeply as Leos can get attached to their ego, they can go very deep into connecting with consciousness. Leos have to maintain their individuality aside the masses. Its important to their connection with their higher selves, maintaining boundaries, self worth & value. Leos are represented by the Lion-essentially an Empress. Lastly, Leo reached The Child state. The free, individualistic, and pure soul. Pure regardless of others, regardless of their past, regardless of their fears. They remain true to themselves everytime.

Sagittarius ⌛️- What is important to Sagittarius is connecting with their intuition. A lot of us know the bow and arrow is famous for representing this sign, but sometimes there is a Doe at the side of the warrior. That Doe represents the seed of intuition, the subconscious, and the receiver. To get closer to your higher self get comfortable with receiving messages from your intuition, trusting your inner compass, and the path even if there are unknowns. Sagittarius can block out intuition to remain focused on the physical realm, and this leads to a blockage within themselves. So it’s important in this lifetime they allow themselves to feel safe enough to listen to themselves. Sagittarius benefits from having clear goals on what they want to focus on spiritually to grow, for example, meditation to help access their inner child once a week. Once they have their eyes set on what they need to heal, Sagittarius opens the doorway for greater awareness. Its also important they keep seeing opportunities for healing within the dark. Circumstances or situations may not be what they expected, but there is a lesson gained, a milestone gained, awareness gained, or self love gained. There is always abundance no matter what. A chance to grow again.

Libra 🌹- Balance. Inner harmony and ease. Shadow work to reach the light, and experiencing the light. Balance with spirituality and practicality. Seeing the facts and embracing intuition. Libra is represented by a flower, when the flower is shut it can’t receive, light and proper nutrients. When the flower opens and eases, Libra can receive intuitive downloads and embrace the spotlight. Contemplation is also another way to connect with your higher self. Avoidance of sitting down with yourself can cause separation with the higher self. The mind shouldn’t be neglected here entirely, rather, working with the mind in balance can help the journey. Overthinking suggests intuition needs to be present. Release the need to dominate, win, compete, and have a sense of control. To get to your higher self is to realize there is no competition required to meet yourself. Your mind can take you back to the familiar old ways, but the intuition will hold you and guide you. There is a need to follow a slow evolution and to slowly reach a point of equilibrium. Libras growth is not meant to be a fast paced, fiery journey. Rather a slow and steady process.

Aquarius 🌺- As seen, Aquarius is the water bearer usually balancing water and a cup. This represents constant duality and the transmutation of the subconscious. To get closer to your higher self, transmute and alchemize your wounds, fears into self love and acceptance. Work with the ego and soul to create mutual tolerance to benefit from healing. Allowing yourself to find your community is important to connect to your higher self. Recognize what you want to see around you, internally and externally, and what isn’t creating that currently. Remove what isn’t changing for the better. Jupiter is the esoteric ruler of Aquarius, so expanding awareness of oneself is important to Aquarius’s journey. Selfless and unconditional acceptance is important to creating and sustaining a connection with one’s higher self. Jupiter in Aquarius even in traditional astrology can represent this. It can also signify spiritual development and intuitive downloads, so letting oneself experience this can help the native feel guided and inspired. In esoteric astrology, the moon is also seen as the hierarchical ruler of Aquarius. The subconscious, the wounding, and the things that keep us safe. When those sides of us control us and want our attention, and we are incapable of meeting it, it can be detrimental. Look to the subconscious parts to see what is still controlling you or taking the drivers seat in your life.

Gemini 🌟- It is important to actually allow your higher self to speak to you and make itself known. Listening to its divine knowledge over constructive narratives that have kept others safe is important. It’s important to surround yourself with those who are in touch with their spirituality and live in their truth. Allowing yourself to speak your truth and divinely be guided in that is going to help your connection to your higher self. In greek mythology, Paracelsus says, “making commitment with determined resolution is difficult.” For Air signs what will help is consistency in truth, practicing truth and staying disciplined can help a lot. This helps the acceleration of getting closer to one’s soul, and therefore creating a connection with their higher self. Releasing resistance towards internal truth will help the native move forward in their life and connection with the higher self. Once we are open to the truth and practice what we preach, we fully let go of our own judgement and resistance. Letting go of fears related to your higher self is also important. Your higher self will not abandon nor create abandonment. Whatever falls apart is a natural consequence of inner healing.

Taurus 🌴- Attachment to desires can cause a separation with the higher self. It’s easy to think physical factors can fix whats going on internally, but the higher self encourages that we need only our soul. Taureans need to build stability and strength within themselves. They may look externally for relationships, friendships, community which is absolutely a necessity. But when they rely on it is where Taurus limits themselves. Their best relationships is with themselves. Take the time to pursue yourself and focus on a healthy relationship internally, especially with your higher self. In esoteric astrology, when Taurus does the inner work and transmutes their ego, they activate Vulcan as a planet. Vulcan helps illuminate shadows, brings healing and clarity. In fact, Taureans have immense will power and strength and they tap into that when they work on themselves. To get closer to your higher self, remember only you can set yourself free and limit yourself.

Capricorn 🌹- This sign is symbolized by a half goat/fish. This sign is not completely earthy, its watery intuition helps bring balance to its strict, structured and disciplined nature. Building trust and inner respect for your intuition will help you foster a better connection to your higher self. Part of the connection with your higher self isn’t fully meant to be logically understood. It’s an intuitive feeling your body produces that brings a level of balance. In esoteric astrology, the sign of Capricorn represents the full balance of heart and head, although the two may disagree, part of reaching your higher self is to balance these qualities. Accept the unknowns your mind may create, and your higher self will still guide you regardless of those unknowns. Build inner structure within yourself. It’s important to release the confines of your own mind and dive into the spiritual unknown, and practice an open mind. There is no structure when it comes to intuition, and no limit. It has no physicality, but it does communicate through your body and senses.

Virgo 💗- Release the idea of self perfection and mastery. In order to get closer to your higher self, it’s important to accept that this is not necessarily a destination but a journey, and there are no means to an end. You cannot master something that is still unfolding continuously. Release the grip of the physical, although it presents facts in front of you, its not all there is. To get closer to your higher self, its important to recognize that both shadow and light play a role in your healing. Virgo in esoteric astrology is all about blending duality, oneness, and creation. Creating light from understanding the shadow. Virgo in esoteric astrology is associated with motherly love and care, it’s important to heal mother wounds and allow yourself to receive guidance from the spirit realms, even if we don’t understand it fully. Know it is there for you and still accepts you. Work on the wounds relating to the mother, and nurture your inner child. The time needed to heal your relationship with yourself, and to create a relationship with your higher self will take the time it needs. Allow it to bloom. Make room for your soul to be born. Virgo is also represented as knowledge being put into synthesis or action, spreading and sharing. Share to yourself this vast spiritual healing and you’ll reap the benefits. Let healing be your mission, liberation your reward.

Scorpio 🌟- The relationship you have to your higher self is almost always near, throughout your trails and tribulations in life. Accepting the reorientation of your soul (lessons, truths, healing wounds and releasing the ego) can help you foster a better relationship with your higher self. In esoteric astrology scorpio is the sign of initiation, the souls opening, the beginning and ending. Work on opening to your higher self, and allowing your higher self to reveal to you all that has been hidden through pain and suffering. Working with your higher self can actually being harmony through conflict, as in esoteric astrology Scorpio’s 4th ray passes through harmony. This allows for consciousness, awareness and mindfulness in newer relationships. Even in oneself. Once you tap into the devotion you have for yourself, being with your higher self will begin to make a lot of sense as your higher self has the same for you. It wants simply the best and better for you all of the time. See the passion in standing up for the past parts of you, see the passion in choosing you over and over. Go back to your higher self for guidance on how to give yourself a better experience by being a better you.

Pisces ✨- Rejuvenation and rest is the way to meet your higher self. Find a way to tune out all the noise (ego, distraction, constructs made by others) and listen to yourself. Get to know yourself behind the filter and projections placed by others. Hold yourself in the most rawest and vulnerable states. As depicted by the two fish, one is life, the other is death. Subconscious and conscious. Forever the two dance together, so its important to realize having your higher self is the balance to your life. You spend so much time in the subconscious of others, absorbing wounds. Your higher self is the consciousness waiting to bring balance. Pisces in esoteric astrology is about letting the ego go, all of its attachments, personas, facades, dependencies. Finding true and real meaning in yourself. Fall back and trust your higher self (your other half) to guide you. The ego cannot survive in the healing of the soul. Know this and continue the journey. By finding the balance internally, your external will shift gradually. Give back to yourself.

Cancer 💫- Your higher self holds a ton of old age knowledge, so it’s important to be open minded to this information. Tradition may be important to you, it isn’t for no reason. In a way, when you pay homage to those traditions/knowledge, you give to your higher self. To your ancestors essentially. Cancers ray in esoteric astrology passes through intelligence. With your emotional and spiritual intelligence, your higher self is channeled through you. Let yourself learn about the deep nature of your feelings, the expression of it all. Turn it into psychological knowledge for yourself and others. Your higher self is apart of your family, it is part of your foundation and self support. Receive its guidance. The more you heal and discover yourself, your planetary ruler in esoteric astrology Neptune will heighten your consciousness. Your depth, awareness and magnitude makes you resilient and intelligent. Neptune also dissolves issues in the solar plexus the more you heal. You self confidence and trust within yourself heightens when you follow your gut, and build a healthy relationship with your higher self. Meditation, journaling, mindfulness, will help a lot in connecting to your higher self.

Thank ya’ll for reading! Its very much appreciated. Please comment, like and reblog for support 🌹✨ your feedback is appreciated!

Paid readings 💗🌸

[thechaoticdruid]

This Bites (5)

Astarion x Chubby! F! MC

Plot: Astarion gets Winnie out a tight spot with a new power of his! Our two lovers continue to bond and get closer as Winnie searches for the cause of her vampire's appearance in the modern world. They also go shopping! YAY!

Content/Warning: Dog attack, Sexual humor and suggestive content, tooth rotting fluff, night terrors?, Astarion being soft, mention of dead animals, Brian being an asshole as usual..

Chapter 4: Back here

Chapter 5: Hold still.

Chapter 6: Shit.

Winnie looked out the window, eyes wide as she saw Brian and Vanessa outside. Nessa was holding Ollie tightly to her chest as the little dog growled. The three of them were standing their ground as the same beastly dog from before approached. It was snarling with its lips lifted upwards to expose its sharp teeth, drool dripping from its jaws and onto the rope around its neck.

“Astarion, go to my room and hide in my closet I'll, I'll think of something.” Winnie stated.

“You want me to just let you go out there with that deranged beast!? Are you insane! That mutt will gnaw your leg off!” The vampire spawn snapped.

“We don't have time to argue! Go hide!” Winnie huffed before grabbing a broom off the nearby wall. The dog was huge and appeared to be a mix between a mastiff and Pitbull. Brian stood in front of Vanessa, shielding her from the dog as he shouted at it, trying to scare it off.  Astarion gritted his teeth. He didn't want Winnie to get hurt but following her out into the sun was a horrible idea. There definitely wasn't any way he could protect her as a pile of ashes. But he had to do something! That dog had a vicious look in its eyes, lunging with an intent to kill. Brian was able to kick it in the face and make it back up momentarily, but the beast was not backing down. 

Panic flooded over the elven vampire’s mind as he was frantically trying to think of what to do, if he had still been alive his heart would be pounding!  Then suddenly he felt odd…. There was this poof and everything around him got bigger.  No, he was smaller. His hands were replaced by these white little bat wings…

What in the hells!?

Unfortunately, there wasn't enough for Astarion to ponder his new form as Winnie had opened the door, holding the broom close to her as she prepared to try and help her family. Without thinking the small bat leapt up and grabbed onto the back of her shirt with his little claws, crawling under the back of her hoodie to protect him from the sun. Winnie didn't even notice him, too focused on the scene in front of her.  Her mother was safely locked in the car, away from the dog while Brian was doing his damndest to try and scare it away. It was safe to say that the canine was not the least bit intimidated as it snarled, slobber dripping from its jowls. 

Winnie soon rushed over, using the broom to separate herself from the aggressive mongrel. The dog lunged forward, biting into the broom with a bite so strong it threatened to break the wood. Winnie let out a startled squeak at the sight of the dog’s teeth.

“The fuck are you doing, Winnie!? You're making it worse!” Brian shouted. Though his voice didn't even register to Winnie as she was much too terrified of the dog to give a damn about what he said. The dog’s teeth clashed against the broom before it pulled back preparing for another attack when it noticed something peek out of the brunette-haired female’s hoodie. Keeping the hoodie over his head to shield him from the sun, Astarion peaked out at the dog with a tiny glare. 

The dog blinked in confusion before getting a whiff of Astarion's familiar undead scent and letting out a whine, tail dropping between its legs as it let out a bark.

“Smells wrong!” Astarion could hear the dog speak while in his new animal form. The dog suddenly turned and ran off, whimpering along the way. Winnie blinked in utter bewilderment. 

He just….Left? What the fuck was that about?

“Oh, thank goodness. Winnie scared it away!” Vanessa let out a sigh of relief. 

“I had it completely under control.” Brian huffed as Winnie’s mother suddenly opened the car door and got out. 

“Oh my God, that was close. Brian, we need to call animal control! That dog is dangerous!” She exclaimed, stepping out of the car. 

“It would probably be better if I shot that damn mutt.” Brian muttered. 

“Brian!” His wife crossed her arms. 

“Alright, alright woman! I'm getting my phone!” The brunette haired man huffed.

“Uh…. It might be best to go inside…? In case the dog comes back I mean.” Winnie suggested.

“I ain't afraid of no fucking dog…” Brian muttered under his breath as he fumbled with his cellphone.

“You're right, Winnie. Come on Nessa, let's go inside.” Winnie’s mother said before leading the young girl inside. Winnie quickly followed after them and moved ahead of them, hoping Astarion had gone and hid. The plump female was completely unaware Astarion had changed his form and hitched a ride inside her hoodie. The tiny white bat stayed completely still as his tiny claws stayed hooked into the back of her shirt.

“Winnie! Winnie! Can I play the new video game you got?” Vanessa asked, setting the dog down on the floor. Her eyes grew round as she looked up at the young woman pleadingly.

“Ah no kid, it's for adults. And I don't want your dad to get mad at me if you see something…inappropriate.” Winnie coughed and rubbed the back of her neck. 

“Ugh! It's not fair! I'm almost thirteen and this boy from my class is playing it!” Nessa huffed and crossed her arms.

“No means no. Goodness' sake, you're too young to play adult games.” Winnie replied sternly.

“And you're too old to watch cartoons but you still do it!” Vanessa sassed before storming off to her bedroom. Winnie rolled her eyes, muttering ‘brat’ under her breath. She turned to head back to her bedroom, but unfortunately Brian had come back inside and had her in his sights. 

“The hell did you say to my kid!?” He snapped, getting really close to Winnie's face, his nasty tar smelling breath hitting her like a brick.

“I just told her she can't play my new game because it's for adults.” Winnie huffed, eyes glancing back over to her room as she flinched away from him. 

“I saw her run to her room! You better tell the truth right now!” Brian raised his voice.

“Brian! Calm down! Winnie is telling the truth, I saw everything.” Winnie’s mother suddenly stepped in and stood between her husband and daughter. Brian muttered under his breath.

“Catherine, the girl is dangerously close to becoming a delinquent! I've seen those vile games she plays! They're not right!” Brian barked.

“You’re being dramatic. Winnie would never hurt a fly. Look, we've all just had a scare outside so why don't we calm down, go to our rooms and try to relax?” Catherine said before pulling Brian along. The middle-aged sack of piss continued to mutter under his breath, but inevitably gave in and followed his wife to the bedroom.  Winnie sighed in relief before quickly rushing to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. 

“Astarion?” She suddenly whispered out and looked around her room. “Astarion?” She called again before slowly stepping towards the closet, only to freeze as she felt tiny claws climbing up and down her back.

“What the hell is on me!?” She panicked, shivering in disgust before suddenly throwing her jacket off and onto the ground. Winnie looked in the mirror and checked herself but found nothing.

Brown eyes glanced down at her purple hoodie before noticing a little fuzzy white head poke out from underneath her coat. A little albino bat crawled out and looked up at Winnie with round red eyes. It immediately began to let out panicked sounding little squeak-like chirps and scurry towards Winnie.  She backed up a bit in utter confusion.  

" A bat? How did I get a bat in my jacket?” Winnie asked aloud. The bat continued to squeak at her as if trying to speak. He didn't try to flee or fly away which was very unusual. 

Then suddenly Maddie poked her head out from under the bed, slowly creeping towards the small animal. The bat turned to look over as the black cat prowled towards him, pupils enlarged and tail swatting back and forth as she prepared to pounce.  The bat let out a frightened squeak before attempting to crawl away as Maddie galloped towards him, pinning him down with her paw.

“Maddie no!” Winnie said trying to get her cat's attention, but the feline didn't acknowledge her.

She looked ready to bite down on the little creature until she got a whiff of his scent. Maddie sniffed him curiously before ultimately removing her paw from his little body. 

“Mew!” The cat began to purr before rubbing her face over the tiny bat. All the while Winnie was slowly trying to comprehend what was happening. 

An albino bat that Maddie seems to recognize as a friend?

Winnie had a gnawing suspicion, but it was so ludacris that she didn't know whether or not to trust it. Eventually the young woman knelt down on the ground and held out her hand. 

“Astarion…?”  She spoke up. The small bat immediately turned his attention to her before crawling over to sit on her hand and squeak. 

“This feels utterly insane…. but could you nod if it's you?” She asked. The little bat immediately nodded in response.

“How is this even possible? Spawn aren't supposed to be able to transform into bats.” Winnie sat down on the armchair, holding Astarion in her hands. He squeaked a few times as if trying to speak to her. “Star, I don't understand whatever you're trying to say…. All I hear are squeaks on my end…” 

Astarion’s ears dropped before Winnie scratched his head with a single finger. “You are very cute like this though.” The brunette-haired woman smiled.  “This could actually come in handy, but it would probably be best if you figure out how to change back…. Preferably when I'm not holding you of course.” Winnie stated before setting the small bat down on the bed.  

Astarion made a few little bat noises as he appeared to shake and strain a little in an attempt to turn back. When he changed before he was in a panic, so he wasn't sure exactly what he did that caused his transformation. Was it the fear of something happening to Winnie? No, that didn't seem right. 

Winnie sat on the bed beside him as she pondered exactly how this was possible. In the game he was only able to take the form of a bat if he ascended. And everything she'd seen indicated that Astarion was a spawn. Hell, he was even soft on her like he was with Tav in his spawn romance route. Could being in her world really give him new abilities? Winnie held her chin in thought before a theory formed in her mind. Astarion said that he fell in love with her over and over, and that he'd been reliving the games storyline repeatedly. That would mean that he's basically been experiencing all her save games .... maybe .... But Winnie never went through a playthrough where she ascended him…except oh….

There was this one time she saved before checking out the ascension route and it might have autosaved. Winnie was eventually broken out of her thoughts by a flash of red around the tiny bat before suddenly he grew back into his normal vampire elf form.

 “Gods below.” Astarion let out a sigh of relief. “I am certainly not accustomed to being so small and hairy….eugh…It felt unnatural.” Astarion shivered. 

“Oh, you figured it out! That's great.” Winnie smiled before looking over Astarion as he took a moment to compose himself. 

“This world of yours seems to get more interesting by the day. Although I'm not entirely sure what use this new form would have. Well other than allowing me to seek shelter from the sun from under your coat.” Astarion hummed.

“Bats can fly! It would probably be very useful if you needed to get somewhere quickly at night.” Winnie stated. “And the smaller you are, the easier it is to hide.” 

“Perhaps there may be some use to this form then.” Astarion smirked a couple ideas of sneaking around the house to torment Brian began to cook in his mind. 

“I'm still a tad concerned about how this happened…. It worries me a bit.” 

“What's to worry about? Obviously, my presence in this realm has opened up some wonderful possibilities.” Astarion chuckled with a smirk.

“I don't know how to feel about this…” Winnie looked off to the side. “Astarion, I should probably tell you about something I've been looking into. I've been quiet about it because I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but I've been trying to figure out what caused you to be well…Here…But I'm not trying to send you back! I promise!” Winnie stated. 

“Well, I do appreciate you telling me this. Although I'm not entirely sure why it's a concern of yours if you're not trying to send me back.” 

“Something caused it and I want to know why and if it's dangerous. Things like this just don't normally happen here. This isn't a magical place like the one you're used to.” Winnie sighed. 

“There you go worrying again. My poor paranoid darling. You know we should probably work on finding ways to relieve your stress.” Astarion grinned.

“Astarion.” Winnie pouted with an annoyed expression.

“What? I was just going to suggest a massage, perhaps a hot bath. Hells bellow, not everything I say is about sex, you naughty thing.~” Astarion crossed his arms but looked at Winnie with a mischievous grin. 

Winnie blushed darkly before rolling her eyes.

“We're getting off topic. The point is whatever caused this was not normal for my world and I want to know if it will affect us. That's why I've been trying to get to the bottom of it.”  Winnie huffed before falling back on the bed. 

“And what have you found?” Astarion, asked as he loomed over her. 

“Not much. I found the alias of someone who might be involved, but I'm having trouble finding more information about them.” 

“I know little to nothing about this portal device thing, but I'm willing to help well…somehow…” Astarion hummed and looked over Winnie with a sweet gaze.  

“Thank you. Though I'm not sure what would help.” Winnie hummed and stared up at the ceiling in thought while Astarion watched her, eventually laying down beside her.  

“Perhaps you could ask someone else for help? Someone from here.” The vampiric elf suggested.

“That would be a good idea, only I don't want to risk exposing you or looking like a complete lunatic…No one is going to believe that a fictional character came out of my computer….Ugh…” Winnie huffed before suddenly her cell phone went off in her pocket. She got a message from Becca asking if Winnie could cover her shift tonight since Becca had to babysit for her mother. 

Wait….Becca mods her games all the time. Maybe she'd know who ShadowMommy69 was at least…Or something about them anyway.

It wasn't a very strong lead, but at least it was something. Winnie probably wouldn't be able to actually talk to Becca in person until this weekend, but maybe she could figure something out. She needed to take Astarion to get some clothes soon anyway and stopping by to talk to Becca on the way wouldn't hurt. 

Winnie glanced over to see Astarion looking at her, eyes soft as his mouth stretched into an odd Grinch-like grin. “Eh…What's up with your face?” Winnie asked. Astarion blinked, broken out of his little dreamy daze. 

“Uh what? Is there something on my face!? Did I get a scratch while turned into that winged rodent!?” Astarion sat up, beginning to freak out and feel over his face.

“No, no, Astarion calm down. Nothing's wrong with your face, honey.” Winnie sat up and cupped his cheeks. His ears turned slightly pink at her pet-name. “It's just as pretty as always…” Winnie said, looking to the side with a blush.  “You just made a funny face is all.” 

“Oh…” Astarion calmed down, placing his hand over one of hers. His chest felt tight as he stared at her soft round face. He wanted to kiss her so badly. Winnie moved a stray curl out of his face before pulling her hands back and looking off to the side with a nervous cough. Her heart was racing. 

“Ah…So uh…We could continue watching a movie in here ... .I locked the door so no one should be able to barge right in and see you.” Winnie said as she twiddled her thumbs.

“That sounds wonderful, love.” 

~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A few days passed. Winnie filled in for Becca and had to deal with the usual, stocking shelves, cleaning and occasionally dealing with a Karen or two. When she was home she had to stay on her toes to make sure that neither Brian or Vanessa ended up walking in to see Astarion, luckily his new little form came in handy. He was able to quickly change and hide under the blanket or in Winnie’s pocket. He also may have begun using this form to sneak around the house when Winnie wasn't home and secretly torment Brian. Because if he wasn't allowed to kill the bastard he'd at least make sure his life was a living hell. He'd toss random spices or sometimes even dirt or garbage into the man’s coffee.  He also tossed Brian's phone onto the floor, allowing Ollie to get it and chew on it. The pale elf certainly kept himself entertained while his beloved was away, but Winnie of course always had something that would stick it's ugly head around the corner to terrorize her. 

“Where is everyone?” Winnie looked around, finding herself lost in the woods. She couldn't remember how she got here or what happened last. It was cold and dark. And something was very, very wrong. There was this sharp panic shooting throughout her body. She took a few steps through the forest before stepping on something.  A human skull. Winnie looked around her seeing scattered bones all over the ground. His breath quickened and she felt purr dread wash over her as this peculiar eerie noise filled her ears. It was almost like a mixture between scraping chalkboards and some really high off key piano being played super fast.  She held her head at the noise, eyes glancing around for an escape route from the forest before suddenly it went silent and there was this shadowy figure staring back at her.  She quickly turned to run, but her feet seemed to take her nowhere. Trees kept passing and passing but the figure was still the same distance away and if anything was getting closer. Winnie opened her mouth and let out a silent scream as the shadow suddenly lunged at her, quick as lightning. 

“Oh God…” Winnie gasped as she shot up from her bed, panting as a bead of sweat dripped down her brow. 

“Darling?” Astarion’s voice suddenly brought her out of her terrified state as she looked over to see him sitting criss-crossed on the armchair with Maddie curled up in his lap. He looked at her with worried eyes and a soft frown. “Are you alright?” 

“Mew…” Maddie suddenly piped up, eyes opening as she looked over at Winnie before hopping out of the elf's lap and stretching.

Winnie was still panting a little, heart pounding as Astarion got up and took a seat on the side of the bed.

 “My love?” Astarion placed his cool hand over one of Winnie’s. Winnie took a deep breath and tried to slow her breathing.

“Sorry I just had a bad dream…. Something was chasing me and I couldn't get away.” Winnie said, taking a few more calming deep breaths. “I-I’m sorry if I disturbed you…You should probably get back to your meditations.” Winnie turned to face away from him. Despite her trying to brush it off Astarion could feel her heart pounding in fear. He bit his lip as an idea came to mind.

“Would you like me to lie with you?” The vampiric elf asked softly. Winnie looked back at him curiously, a blush forming on her cheeks. 

“If you want to…” Winnie stated before shifting and scooting over closer to the wall. Astarion wasted no time getting in and under the covers next to the human female. Winnie stared over at the pale elf as she laid on her side. Astarion looked back with a soft smile forming as he tucked some hair behind her ear. 

“I'm here. I'm not going to let anything hurt you.” He said softly as he ran a thumb over her cheek.

Winnie smiled a bit, eventually allowing herself to move a little closer to him, shifting around to get comfortable. Astarion snuggles up against Winnie, wrapping his arms around her as she shyly lays her head against his chest. It's completely silent but there's somehow something comforting about it. Winnie nuzzled her face into the cool skin of his neck before closing her eyes. 

They stayed like this up until morning. By then Astarion was curled up around her rather possessively, even had one of his legs hooked around her hip. Winnie could feel his hand gently rubbing along her back, cheek resting upon the side of her head as he snuggled against her soft cushy form. Winnie’s face was still nuzzled into the crook of his neck, nose gently pressed against his faded bite scars. His body felt firm, not as cushy and comfortable as her own, but she didn't seem too bothered by it. Astarion wasn't even trancing anymore, his elven nature only required him to need four hours of rest. He was simply blissfully soaking up Winnie’s warmth, eyes half lidded as he hugged her against him. 

Winnie eventually let out a yawn as her eyes slowly blinked open. She pulled back from Astarion's neck just enough to see his face.

“Good morning, beautiful.~” He purred at her softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Morning…” Winnie yawned out before attempting to sit up, but Astarion still had his arms wrapped around her.  “Astarion, it's time for me to get up.”

“Just stay with me a little longer. You're so soft and warm.~” The vampire cooed, nuzzling his face into her chest and making Winnie turn deep red.

“Brian’s probably going to get up and tell me to do some chores or something…Star…” Winnie huffed.

“I'll gut him if tries to take you from me.” Astarion murmured, face buried in Winnie's plump bosoms. 

“I do believe you'd have to let go of me first to do that silly.” Winnie hummed, absentmindedly playing with Astarion's ivory curls. “Come on, I need to get up.” Winnie stated before pulling herself out of his arms. Astarion let out a displeased sound as Winnie sat up in the bed. The pale elf begrudgingly sat up and looked back at Winnie and pouted with round puppy dog-like eyes. The messy haired female took a moment to stretch out before looking back at the pouting elf.

“Uh…Thanks again for this…I'm honestly surprised you'd want to comfort me over it…..Kinda seems childish needing someone to crawl in bed with me because I had a nightmare.….”

“Darling…Of course I'd comfort you…I know better than most how terrifying your own mind can be.” Astarion cupped Winnie’s cheek looking at her lovingly. “And…I love you…” 

“How can you be so sure of that?” Winnie asked with a sad smile. Her voice is melancholy and full of doubt. 

“Because you're you. You've went out of your way to help me without gaining anything from it and that's how I know you're the same person I fell in love with over and over.” Astarion said, slowly leaning in a little. Winnie smiled with a deep blush. She was honestly rather speechless and a little skeptical, wondering if she was actually dreaming at the moment. If she was, she didn't want to be woken. The brunette haired female found herself leaning in as well, their noses now just barely brushing against one another. Astarion puckered his lips, moving in to kiss Winnie.

“Hey Winnie!~” Footsteps were heard followed by her door knob turning. 

“Shit!” The brunette haired woman’s eyes widened. Just as the door bursts open Winnie quickly shoves Astarion off the bed and behind her dresser before zooming over to the door, making sure most of her room was blocked from sight. 

Nessa stood outside the room seemingly dressed and ready to head out somewhere. The twelve year old stood at about a little over four feet with long sandy blonde hair and brown eyes. 

“What is it, Ness?” Winnie asked, looking down at the young girl as she messed with a few strands of her messy brown locks.

“Dad said that you're supposed to take me out walking today since I'm gonna take Ollie for a walk.”  Vanessa stated.

“Ugh….Why can't he take you?” Winnie huffed in annoyance.

“Because he wants to take a nap and watch his superhero show.” Vanessa explained, “Come one, you can even bring Maddie.” 

“I’m pretty sure your dad said you couldn't be around Maddie?” Winnie hummed.

“We don't have to tell him.” Vanessa said mischievously. 

“Heh, okay. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed and get Maddie ready.” Winnie said, gesturing to her clothes. She was still dressed in the red boxers and black tank she always slept in. 

“Okay! But hurry please!” Vanessa said before Winnie quickly closed the door. Winnie turned and looked back at Astarion who was sitting on the floor rubbing his head with a glare on his face.

“You didn't have to push me.” He grumbled, quietly.

“I'm sorry…I panicked…” Winnie moved over to look at his head with concern. She didn't see any wrong, not even a red spot.

“So…You're going out? Off on a leisurely stroll with your little sister, hm?”

“Stepsister and yeah…I'd rather not put up with her running off to Brian right now.”  Winnie looked off to the side.   

“I suppose I'll just remain here and nurse my poor head and wrist you so cruelly injured.”Astarion said dramatically, gripping his right hand with a sad pitiful pout. 

“I said I was sorry and I really am.” Winnie looked back at him with a pout, grabbing his hand glancing over his wrist before kissing it. Astarion couldn't help but smile almost immediately at the sweet gesture. The softness of her lips pressing against his hand made his ears turn a little pink.

“Mm, I quite like that actually.~ Oh alright, I forgive you.” He said in a sweet tone before ruffling her hair.  “Now go on, it's probably not a good idea to keep the girl waiting.” 

Winnie nodded before grabbing some clothes from her closet and heading into the bathroom to change. Astarion sat on the bed as Maddie crawled out from under it and turned to him with a small meow, as if to say hello. The vampire just hummed as scratched the cat on her little head, eliciting a soft purr as her tail slowly flicked about.

Winnie exited the bathroom, dressed in a black and white t-shirt with a skull and some torn skinny jeans that hugged her thick thighs rather tightly. Astarion lounged about on the bed, red eyes admiring the voluptuous female’s legs and backside as she bent over to pick up her shoes off the ground before getting some socks and continued to get ready. Once she was fully dressed she grabbed a backpack before getting the cat harness and hooking it onto Maddie, who purred happily at the attention. Winnie hooked a leash onto the harness before leading the cat out the door, leaving Astarion to his own devices.

Astarion let out a sigh, a little regretful he didn't just change into bat form and go with her, but he had something he wanted to do.  He waited for Winnie to leave the house before sulking about the single story, three bedroom home. Winnie’s mother had long gone off to work, while Brian slept lazily on the recliner in their bedroom. Astarion crept onto the room, grinning sadistically. He slowly made his way over to the sleeping man before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out.  Astarion's brows knit together as he raised his hand high over the sleeping human, preparing to do his worst.

He then uncapped the marker in his hand and drew a well detailed sketch of a penis on the unpleasant man’s forehead. The vampire bit his lip suppressing a giggle before stopping to admire his masterpiece. He then proceeded to glance around the room, noticing some thumbtacks on a nearby dresser. He grinned ear to pointy ear before grabbing hold of them and placing them into Brian's shoes. He then casually strolled out of the room before returning back to Winnie’s room.

“GODDAMNIT!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!” Brian’s voice was suddenly heard.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•

Winnie walked along the sidewalk as Maddie padded behind her on a leash, inquisitive blue eyes scanning about for any sign of a tiny creature to prey upon. Vanessa walked ahead with a skip in her step as Ollie happily trailed behind her, tail wagging as his tongue hung out making it look almost as if the little dog was smiling. They stopped a few times because Ollie wanted to sniff a specific patch of grass a few hundred times or because Maddie got distracted by a bug, but eventually they approached the end of the street.

“Ooh! I have an idea! Let's go to the gas station around the corner! Please!” Nessa begged. 

“I guess we could, since it's not too far.” Winnie said before continuing up the road. The air was warm, but there was a cool breeze gently brushing through her hair. She could hear the ringing of wind chimes as they passed a couple of houses before spotting two men in their yard.

“Another dead possum. This is the fifth one we found in the last three days, Bill! And my wife said she found three dead raccoons in the backyard! I'm telling you something is out there killing all them critters!” One of the men said. 

“Oh fucks sake Daniel, it's just some coyotes! It's their breeding season, they're everywhere.” 

“Bill, coyotes would have dragged off and eaten the bodies! These possums don't even look like they have any bite marks on em. They're just dead…” Daniel insists. 

Winnie tensed up a bit as she overheard their conversation. Vanessa however seemed to just ignore the two men and continue along the sidewalk.

“So what? You think this is some monster roaming around at night?” Bill laughed.

Oh God…..I hope that's not my monster…

Winnie bit her lip nervously as she continued down the road with Vanessa. She took a deep breath and tried not to worry about it too much. She'd talk to Astarion about it later. Everything would be fine as long as no one saw him outside while he was hunting. Eventually the two females led their pets around the corner and to a small service station that sat just outside the suburbs. Winnie scooped Maddie up and let her hitch a ride in her backpack before entering the air conditioned filled shop. Maddie stayed curled up in Winnie's pack, but occasionally poked her head out to look around.   

“They always have good pizza here. We should get some!” Vanessa suggested, holding Ollie in her arms.

“Hmm….The adult in me says we should probably go home and eat to save money….But…The pizza lover in me is telling the adult to shut up.” Winnie grinned before they walked over to get two small large single slices. Oddly, just as Winnie went to pay for the food she noticed a man watching them out of the corner of her eye. He looked so familiar, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. He had combed back brown hair and was dressed in a rather stylish looking suit. He was looking at the two from outside the window of the store, smiling with a smug almost devilish smirk.

“Ma’am! That'd be 10.99!” The cashier said, breaking Winnie out of her trance.

“Oh sorry! I got distracted!” Winnie said before pulling out her debit card and paying for the pizza. Winnie and Nessa took their food before turning to leave. Winnie’s brown eyes immediately scanned outside for the man from before, but he'd completely vanished. 

It was almost as if he'd never been there at all.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“Okay….Brian, mom and Vanessa are asleep. Now we need to sneak out as quietly as possible.” Winnie said, running a hand through her hair as Astarion slipped on the black hoodie she had generously gifted him. 

“I am rather excited for our second date.” Astarion said with a grin. 

“We're just going shopping…It's not much of a date activity.” Winnie said bashfully.

“Of course it can. I'm spending time with you, that's all that matters really.” Astarion replied before opening the window and climbing out, stealthily and skillfully. Winnie grabbed her pack and purple hoodie before looking down out the window nervously. She really wasn't in the best shape for sneaking out of the house by her window. 

“Come on, love.” Astarion whispered from down below. The drop from Winnie’s window to the ground wasn't exactly far enough to be dangerous, but it was enough to be intimidating.

Winnie shakily stepped out and onto some pipes that ran along the house. She closed the window on her way out before attempting to climb down the rest of the way, nearly stumbling and falling on her face only to be caught by her vampiric companion. 

“Oh, look at you, trying to fall into my arms.~” Astarion teased with a wink before setting Winnie down. 

“Let's just go before I end up dying by tripping or something.” Winnie said, face turning pink in embarrassment. The two set off, getting onto Winnie’s motorcycle and driving down the street and out of the suburbs. Astarion wrapped his arms around Winnie's soft plump waist. He was a little annoyed by the backpack wedged between them, but tried to hold tightly onto his darling to the best of his abilities. 

Winnie zoomed up towards the city on her bike, slowly down as they reached the CornerStore. Winnie parked her motorcycle before getting off. The night sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly. Winnie walked into the store with Astarion trailing after her, red eyes curiously scanning the store. As Winnie went over to speak to Becca at the cash register, Astarion snuck over into one of the isles. He poked around at some of the merchandise for sale. The elf spotted a small colorful object that somewhat resembled the strange contraptions the people of Winnie’s realm traveled in. Astarion poked it inquisitively before nearly jumping five feet up as the tiny device released a loud repeating honking noise. Astarion quickly got away from the device in case it was some kind of magical explosive, backing up against the other isle in fear. Eventually the device went silent. Astarion let out a sigh of relief before continuing to inspect the isles, eyes growing wide with excitement as he spotted what looked like a dagger! Gleefully he snatched it up, hoping to swipe it and keep it for himself, but as he looked at it closely he realized something was off about the blade. It was quite dull and didn't appear to even be made of metal. The vampire pouted before tossing the fake dagger off to the side with a huff.  

Hells below, they don't even sell decent weapons at this place. 

Meanwhile, Winnie walked over and greeted Becca. “Hey Becca! I was hoping I'd catch you on your shift.” 

“Oh, Hey Wyn! What's up?” Becca greeted with a cheerful smile, long red hair done into a pair of  twin braids that hung over her shoulders. 

“Okay so um….You modded BG3 right, I mean I remember you saying you modded most of your games so I was just wondering?” Winnie said, nervously messing with a piece of her hair. 

“Yeah I did. I added some hair mods, got that anti-abs mod for some of the male characters…A cheat engine and the romance-” 

“Cheat engine! That's it! Do you remember who made yours?” Winnie said, excitedly placing her hands on the conveyor belt as she looked over at Becca. Becca had a confused look on her face as she noticed Winnie's enthusiasm when she mentioned the ‘cheat engine’.  She was about  to speak when she suddenly noticed Astarion sneaking around the isles. 

“Uh…. Winnie, is that your friend from the other day?” The redhead asked. 

“Ah crap, sorry about him. Star! Get over here!” Winnie huffed a bit. 

“Coming lover!~” Astarion said with a mischievous grin as he winked at Winnie. The pale elf sauntered over to his embarrassed human love who was glaring at him slightly.

“I knew he was your boyfriend! Winnie, why didn't you tell me?” Becca whined.

“Well….I-I…I-I…” Winnie sputtered nervously, trying to think of what to say when Astarion wrapped an arm around her. 

“My darling, wants to keep me a secret from her step-father.  She's afraid he wouldn't approve if he knew.” Astarion added. 

“Oh shit, I didn't think of that. Brian has always been a bigot. He'd probably pitch a fit if he found out Winnie was dating a British guy!” 

“Ah yes….That's exactly what I am….”

Whatever the hells British means…?

“Becca, the cheat engine?” Winnie pressed, looking at her friend with pleading eyes. 

“Oh yeah, hmm let me think…..”Becca held her chin for a moment. “Ah, Shadowsomething69…Yeah they deactivated their account. The mod’s gone now.” 

“It's…. ShadowMommy69….” Winnie cringed at the sound of the name coming out of her mouth.

“And I've been trying to find them and maybe get in touch with them.” 

“Oh? Is this person a friend of yours?” Becca asked.

“No, I've never spoken to them, but I need to. Kind of a private thing though…” 

“Hmm…My boyfriend Anthony might be able to get in touch with them. He's a modder and he's pretty active in the modding community, he might be able to tell you more. I think he's actually talked to them, but I'm not sure.” Becca hummed a bit before her eyes lit up as an idea popped into her head. “Ooh! Me and Anthony we're gonna go out to the carnival when it comes to town in two weeks. You two should come with! It'll be a double date! Then you can ask him there!” 

“Two weeks? I don't know-” Winnie began but was quickly intercepted by Astarion.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! Don't you think so, my sweet?” Astarion asked, looking at Winnie with pleading puppy dog eyes.

“I guess…so…” Winnie sighed.

“Awesome! I'll text you the details later and come pick y'all up in my truck.” Becca smiled before suddenly some old lady walked into the store.

“Excuse me! I need help finding some cat food!” The old woman asked.

“Of course, right this way.” Becca said before leading the old lady off.

“Well, I guess we should go now.” Winnie huffed before walking out of the store with Astarion following after. 

“What's the matter, love? I thought you'd be thrilled to go on another date?” Astarion quizzed.

“What if something happens between now and then? Like some world ending bullshit happens because I can't find the idiot that made a vampire pop out of my computer.” 

“Sweetie, you're making me look optimistic. And that's worrying.” Astarion placed his hands on Winnie's face.  “I'm not going to let anything happen to you, my love. I swear it. And besides I've dealt with the end of the world once already, surely the second time won't be as bad as the first.” 

“Alright….But you do realize there are clowns at the carnival?” Winnie rose an eyebrow with a slight smirk.

“I…uh…Of course I do! But I'm not bothered by it! And I am certainly NOT afraid if that's what you are implying!” Astarion crossed his arms with a scoff.

“Okay….If you say so…” Winnie said with a mischievous giggled, “anyway we should get going. We've got shopping to do!” The human female said before hopping onto her motorcycle.

Astarion made a ‘hmph’ noise before getting on after her. The two drove into the city, being greeted by all the lights and noise of modern civilization. Astarion was still memorized by it all.

“These metal contraptions your people ride in, are they dangerous?” He asked as they zipped down the road, slowing down as they came to a red light. 

“They can be. But we got rules to help keep people safe when we use them. Different sides of the roads you're supposed to be on and places you have to slow down. It's all systematic I reckon.” Winnie mused, feeling Astarion grip around her waist. “Of course not everyone uses them.” Winnie murmured glaring at a small car that just drove out in front of the red light. Astarion continued to ask a few questions as they continued deeper into the heart of the city. Winnie tried to answer to the best of her ability while keeping her eyes on the road. 

About twenty minutes later they arrived at a large building titled ‘SuperStore.’ Winnie parked off to the side, taking a deep breath as she got off her bike. He'll, even at 8:00 at night this place was packed.  Astarion got off Winnie's motorcycle and quickly grasped the pudgy female’s hand in his as they walked into the store. 

“Hells!” Astarion squeaked as the doors suddenly automatically opened, squeezing Winnie’s hand slightly. 

“It's okay Star, just doors.” Winnie teased with a grin. Astarion rolled his eyes.

“I can see that now.” He huffed before the two ventured into the store. The ‘SuperStore’ had everything you could possibly need, clothes, food, furniture, toys, electronics, you name it. Though this was pretty much the reason it always had people packed up like sardines inside. 

Winnie didn't care too much for the crowds, they made her anxious, but she had to clothe her vampire so sacrifices had to be made. Thankfully his hand wrapped around her smaller one made her feel a little more at ease.  Winnie glanced up as she noticed the security camera and television screen that was on the security camera. She blinked for a moment noticing it looked as if she was holding onto thin air on screen. 

Huh, I guess vampires don't show up on camera.

Winnie immediately took Astarion to the clothing section and immediately smiled from ear to ear as she noticed him searching through the clothing with the giddiest of grins.

“Hm what about this?” Astarion purred and held out a black cropped tank and short leather jacket on a hanger. Winnie grabbed some jeans to go with the outfit.

“Here, try it with this. There's a room you can change in over there.” Winnie said before pointing at the men’s fitting room. She waited as he went to try it on, a shiver going down her spine. 

Winnie could feel eyes on her, as if she was being watched. Hunted maybe. However when she looked she only saw what appeared to be regular old SuperStore shoppers. No one particularly intimidating, unless you count some dude walking around with saggy pants that look like they were about to fall off. But Winnie still felt this uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. 

Just nerves. You're alright.

She mentally told herself. Eventually Astarion walked out of the fitting room in the outfit. He looked rather stylish and the cropped shirt exposing his abdomen was rather enticing. 

“Well, what do you think?” He asked.

“You look good.” Winnie said, shyly with a blush. 

Astarion crossed his arms with a pout.

“Just good? Really, you can do better than that!” He whined.

“More beautiful than all the stars in the sky. There, satisfied?” Winnie replied.

“A bit sappy for my tastes, but it'll do I suppose.” The vampire sassed, playing with one of his curls. 

“Okay okay, now go and get redressed. We've got more outfits to look for.” Winnie hummed, waving the vampire off. The process repeated a few times Astarion got an outfit he liked before changing into it and demanding satisfactory praise from Winnie. And if he didn't get it he'd act like a drama queen until she said something he liked. This continued until they had at least five different outfits that were to Astarion's taste. 

Dear God, I'm about to spend 200 dollars on this man….

Winnie mentally whimpered, already feeling the stinging pain of her bank account getting lighter. 

She pondered the possibility of eventually pleading with the vampire to get a night time job, but then the idea of all the chaos he could cause completely squashed that idea. Winnie sighed and pushed the dreadful thoughts out of her mind as she continued to look around with her vampiric love. The two eventually came up towards the jewelry counter as the elf’s red eyes scanned over some earrings. Studs and small hoops in particular. The ones he appeared to be interested in were gold naturally considering his rather painful silver allergy.   

“See something you like, Star?” Winnie asked. 

“I've always wanted a pair of these. Unfortunately my..ahem… previous occupations never allowed it.” Astarion explained.  Winnie sighed a bit, probably about to regret what she was going to offer.

“Would you like me to buy them for you?” Winnie asked begrudgingly.

“Yes please!” Astarion giggled before planting a kiss upon Winnie's cheek.  Winnie blinked, face turning red as the biggest dopey grin spread across her face. Her annoyance about the money completely vanished. She then proceeded to ring the bell at the counter and summon the jewelry department worker.

“Hello, how can I help you?” A middle aged blonde haired woman stepped up to the counter. 

“Yeah uh ... .my…. partner would like his ears pierced please…Also some earrings.” Winnie said shyly. The woman immediately looked Astarion over, eyes widening as she noticed his teeth.

“Goodness are those fangs? Crazy things you kids will do these days.” The woman said. Astarion looked as if he was about to say something, but Winnie quickly spoke up.

“Well you know fashion can be pretty crazy sometimes! My boyfriend definitely had a wild goth phase a while back.” Winnie chuckled nervously, “anyway let's just get the ear piercing over with…Gotta get home before it gets too late.” The brunette rambled on.

“Alright, take off the hood, son.” The lady said. 

“Winnie my hair.” Astarion murmured to her. 

“Alright I'll get it, just hold still, I'll get it!” She said, pulling down his hood and fixing his pretty white curls. 

“Oh, good lord those ears!” The woman gasped, “Are they real?”

“Yes, he had a birth defect as a baby. He's real sensitive about it though.” Winnie whispered out the last part and the woman just gasped and nodded. Astarion glared over at Winnie with an unamused expression. A little peeved she wasn't letting him talk. Winnie just smiled and laughed nervously. The lady approached him, taking out the earring gun as Winnie stood by, watching nervously.

“AH! FUCKING HELLS!”

Unfortunately elf ears were extremely sensitive.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“They look good, Star. Honestly you look really good.” Winnie complimented as they arrived home. Astarion was dressed in one of the outfits he'd picked out while Winnie had the rest packed into her trunk. 

“Everything looks good on me, darling.~” Astarion smirked, wind blowing through his snowy white curls as they rode home on Winnie's bike. Winnie let out a yawn, her eyes feeling a bit sleepy.  Winnie was so ready to get home and sleep.

Maybe even cuddle up with her vampire boyfriend again who knows? If she could just work up the courage to ask. Astarion had a pair of blood red studs in his elven ears which matched rather well with his eyes.  Eventually they reached the suburbs, slowing down as Winnie’s house was in sight. Slowly they pulled into the driveway, getting their bags out of the motorcycle’s little trunk and sneaking back around the house to Winnie’s window.

Astarion climbed up first and pulled the window open.

“Clothes, love.”  He whispered, before Winnie tossed him the bags. The vampire tossed them in before climbing back down. “Now you, precious thing.~” He purred, ushering for Winnie to climb up next. 

Winnie took a deep breath before climbing up, struggling a bit as she attempted to wiggle her way through the window, legs flailing a bit. Red eyes were glued to her plump rear end. 

As delicious as this sight is, I should probably assist.

Astarion placed his hands on the chubby female’s backside, pushing her up suddenly. She let out a squeak and dropped into her room, falling onto the floor with a huff.  Astarion swiftly climbed up after her, slipping in through the window with ease.

“And here we are, safe and sound!” Astarion sighed and stretched out while Winnie still laid on the floor, face down, ass up, as she tried to catch her breath from the climb up, panting like she had just run a marathon. 

“Um….Who are you?” A small voice suddenly asked from the other side of the room. Astarion looked over to see Winnie's twelve year old step sister, eyes wide with shock.

“Shit.” Astarion breathed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man, I did not mean for it to get this long! So, what did you think? Did you know who the mystery man following Winnie is? Any concerns about Astarion making the neighborhood's critter population go down? Are you mad I had Astarion and Winnie's kiss interrupted? Oh, what am I saying everyone gets triggered by that trope lol.

~Druid

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain , @marcynomercy , @iamsexytrash , @gaymistakeboi , @divineknightmare , @tinyfreakgirl , @tiedyedghoulette , @misscrissfemmefatale, @gianchan-de , @jaksfanficsaver , @the-disaster-in-waiting , @hp-art-studio , @im-just-a-simp-le-whore , @dajeong , @iamnotokei

[evilios]

Thargelia (θαργήλια) is an Athenian and Ionian festival celebrated in the city of Athens and on the isle of Delos on the 6th and 7th of month Thargelion, which corresponds with late May. This year, Thargelia falls onto the 26th and 27th days of the month.

Traditionally thought to celebrate the birth of Artemis and Apollo Patroos, or, in some versions, venerate Helios and the Horae, this festival is a two-day long celebratory occasion focused on a cult sacrifice, rich offering, and devotional games given to the Gods in hopes of appeasing Them.

Thargelia, like many other celebrations of the Ancient times, is an agricultural festival. At the beginning of this celebration, Demeter was praised by the people, and the name of the festival itself, Thargelia, according to grammarians, translates into “fruits/grains of the earth”: Θαργήλια εισί πάντες οι από γης καρποί.

The specific harvest given attention to during this celebration was that of the first fruits of the earth, symbolically connected to the heat of the sun. Due to the connection between Demeter’s celebration and that of the Twins, it was customary to annually send an offering of fresh corn to Delos.

The festival of Thargelia has ritualistic sacrifice of two individuals as its nucleus. The individuals, called pharmakoi (φαρμακοὶ) are sometimes said to be picked from the “ugliest and vilest” of the citizens, as to associate with all that is negative, unhealthy, and plague-ridden. After an extensive ritual, the pharmakoi would be either driven out of the city or, if the festival happened to fall onto a plague year, thrown into the sea or burned alive.

There are two possible origins of that tradition. According to Istrus, there was a man named Φάρμακος who had stolen the sacred vials of Apollo and was later discovered by Achilles’ men. He was, allegedly, stoned to death for the theft, and the sacrifice of Thargelia is meant to commemorate that happening.

According to Helladius, expiatory (made to offer atonement) offerings were a common custom of offering to the Deities in order to purify the city of diseases, such as plagues. Epimenides, for example, attested a different pair of sacrificial youths, Cratinus and Ctesibius, who were allegedly put to death to stop the plague that overtook the Athenian army earlier.

The origins of Thargelia are as Ancient and unclear as the origins of the ritual sacrifice given to the Twins during the celebration. We can only assume that this is a very old festival celebrated with the aim of both asking the Divine for rich harvest of ripe fruits - and safety during the times of contagious diseases.

The ritual of Thargelia starts on the 6th with an offering of a sheep to Demeter Chloe (Δημήτηρ Χλόη) followed by a large purifying sacrifice when two people are put to death or exiled.

The rites of this particular ritual are definitely old, as all human sacrifice goes deep back into the earliest civilizations of the world. One of the pharmakoi (sometimes called σύβακχοι), sacrificial humans, was to represent the women of Athens, the other - the men. They were either both men or a man and a woman, as accounts differ. According to the Ancient writers, on the day of the sacrifice these two, picked from the most unpleasant parts of the society, were led to the temples of Apollo Patroos, Apollo Delphinius, and Apollo Pythius, and then - towards the seaside, followed by a flute melody called κραδίης νόμος.

The pharmakoi were richly dressed in garlands of black and white figs, and as they walked through the city they were whipped with rods made out of fig-wood; some account that the citizens would throw objects at them. They were given honey cakes, cheese, and figs before being burned on a ritualistic funeral pile made of fig-wood. Their ashes were scattered to the winds or thrown into the sea. Some writers state they were thrown into the sea alive while some argue that they were in fact exiled to never return.

Is it possible that an actual sacrifice only took place in the years of calamity where appeasing the Gods with a bloody offering was necessary. It’s hard to say who the pharmakoi were: some say convicted criminals, some call them τὸν πάντων ἀμορφότερον (the ugliest), some say they were φαύλους καὶ παρὰ τῆς φύσεως ἐπιβουλευομένους (or simply physically deformed).

The second day of the festival was meant to be devoted to offerings of thanks given to the Sun God, that is, Apollo or Helios. Children took part in the celebration, carrying εἰρεσιῶναι - olive branches wrapped in wool that were hung up before the doors of houses. One of the best sources on the occasion, Porphyrius, lists a large number of offerings given to the Gods on that day, including ἰλύς - moist soil from which all is born.

A choral procession of men and boys (agon) performed solemnly during the second day of the celebration. This supposedly involved some sort of competitive air to it, as two masters of chorus were given two different tribes, which they were then to supply a chorus from. Whoever succeeded was given a tripod meant to be dedicated at the temple of Apollo. Chorus of women and young girls was also present.

Adoptive parents could properly register their children into the gens and phatria during Thargelia.

Solemn sacrifice was not the only focus of the festival, as it also included the so-called Delia (δήλια), which is the name of festivals and games held at the great panegyrics at the island of Delos. Initially it seems that there was a religious center formed around Delos for the sole purpose of worshiping and securing the worship of Apollo, θεὸς πατρῷος (Father-God) of Ionians. The Delia were held every five years and were supposedly happening during the birth of Artemis and Apollo.

This celebration included gymnastic and musical contests, choruses, and dances. Men, women, and children participated in the festival in equal measure, and the members of the religious assembly of Delos and neighboring islands were welcome. Athenians took part in the celebration from the very early times, as suggested by historical records; they also sent out a “sacred vessel” (θεωρίς) to Delos annually, claiming it was the same as legendary Theseus sent out after returning from Crete. These celebrations were stopped at some point, having been reignited by Athens later on. After Athens took control over the Ionian confederacy, the leader of the Delia became a picked Athenian, and the superintendence of Athenians at the local sanctuary became prominent.

Sources and further reading: 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞 🌞

[shadowdaddies]

Hello! I want to tell you that I just discovered your blog and I love the stories you write. Can I please request something?

Helion and the reader are on the battlefield, and the reader takes a hit meant for Helion, and then the bond snaps for him, the reader survives and declares her love for Helion, telling him that she has long known that he is her mate, but wasn't sure that he might have feelings for her. Thank you!

thank you! I really enjoyed writing this, thanks for the request love💜

My Only Sunshine

Helion x Valkyrie!Reader

Warnings: canon-typical violence, blood/injury, death, not proofread

Flying over the battlefield on your pegasus, you had taken to the skies along with the rest of the Valkyries to battle Koschei’s baitals. He’d sent the vampiric creatures as reinforcements among his air forces, the bony monsters searching the grounds below for dying bodies to possess on the battlegrounds. 

An ear-piercing shriek echoed through the air as you cut down a baital, watching as its lifeless body fell to the ground. What you saw below caused you to do a double-take - Helion was battling off four soldiers as he clutched a wound on his side, another baital circling above him, waiting for him to be struck dead. The scene shot horror through you, and without thinking you steered your pegasus toward the ground. 

You leapt off the steed to allow it time to swoop back up to the skies, and you rolled gracefully to land on the ground. Your eyes scanned the line of soldiers ahead of you as you drew up your sword in defense. Charging through the battlefield, your focus was only on getting to Helion by whatever means necessary. 

You could not afford the time to think of what might happen to your mate - the beautiful and kind male fighting bravely ahead of you - if he did not make it out of this battle before you confessed your feelings for him. You had known that Helion was your mate since the first time you met him, when the Valkyries began training with his pegasus.

You fell for him quickly, his playful and joyous nature bringing a light to your life you didn’t realize you had needed - and you watched as the sun to your moon began to fade. 

With a scream of fury, you unleashed yourself upon the soldiers, leaping into the air with a supernatural strength to cut down the baital that was circling overhead. You landed in front of Helion, his shocked eyes focused on you as you checked his wound. You panted out, “we have to get you to a healer, Li,” just in time for him to look behind you, pure fear flashing across his features.

You turned, seeing only a blur of a creature aiming an ash arrow at Helion before you dove in front of him, a searing pain permeating through your body as though it coursed through every vein. A single tear fell from your cheek as Helion caught you, his eyes lining with tears while he held your head in his broad hand and whispered, “why?”

The last words you were able to breathe out as you held your hand to Helion’s cheek were, “my mate,” before the world faded to black.

~~~

Your pegasus had never kicked you in the head, but you imagined that how you currently felt would be quite a similar feeling. Overcome with thirst and an aching body all over, you groaned at the pain that accompanied merely attempting to open your eyes. 

You could feel the soft mattress beneath you, silk sheets cool against your stiff muscles as you further awoke from what must have been a deep sleep. Shock overtook your system as you recalled your latest memories of the battlefield and Helion being in danger, and you jolted upright with panic. 

Your body did not respond well to the sudden movement, and you yelled out in pain as a blinding pain in your ribs took your breath away. The sound of someone fumbling awake accompanied your gasps for air, and suddenly familiar warm hands were on your back and chest, easing you to lay back down on the mattress.

You looked up to see Helion in a state of disarray you could never have imagined for him, and your heart ached seeing him in pain. You tried to croak out words, choking on the dryness of your throat. Helion quickly grabbed you water, gently propping you up against the pillows as he helped you drink until you were satisfied. 

Before you could attempt to get out the words you wanted to, however, Helion took your hand in his and squeezed, taking a deep breath as he seemed to struggle for words since the first time you had met him. Without words from him, you felt his emotions as though they were your own, and you realized - you were feeling him through the bond. 

He must have sensed your emotions as well, his eyes showing a glimmer of hope that had been missing since you’d awoken. He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it. “My mate,” Helion whispered as he stared at you in adoration. “I’ve always been awed by you, but I wouldn’t have dreamed to have been blessed to have a female like you as my mate until the bond snapped for me, when you-“ 

His voice broke off then, the unspoken weight of your sacrifice hanging in the air. You tilted Helion’s face to look at you as you admired his beauty. “Li, I would give my life for yours a thousand times over. I was lucky to be blessed with you as my mate, but you are so much more than that to me. You are a great male, a great leader, and you make the world a better place. I love you, not because you are my mate, but because you are you, Li.”

A tear made its way down Helion’s cheek at your words, and he laughed as he leaned down to kiss you gently, mindful of your injuries. Bending down to nip at your ear, Helion practically growled as he whispered, “heal quickly, my love, because I have a list of ways I will replace your pain with pleasure... for the rest of our lives.” You giggled at that, happy that your mate was feeling his flirtatious self again, and that you would spend the rest of your days with the one person who brought you the most joy.

[vigilant-insomniac]

Ashes rain upon your scalded palms pt 1

Part 1/3 | Next Part | or read on AO3

@phicphight submission for @ecto-mochi's Prompt

Maddie is unexpectedly sent to an ashen future. She doesn't even get the chance to meet the mysterious man who sent her to this apocalyptic world - she's only given a single command, ringing over and over in her head: "Find Danny. Save him.

Also Very Much inspired by @zillychu's fire core AU because it has me in a chokehold.

Contains: Danny & Maddie bonding (?), Post apocalyptic vibes. NOT the ultimate enemy. A bucket full of angst.

_____

Chapter One

"Find Danny. Save him." 

Maddie awoke with a start and immediately fell into a vicious coughing fit. Her lungs ached. The air was thick and polluted. She had to squint through irritated eyes once she had her handkerchief pressed to mouth and nose.

She registered heat around her, sweltering, like standing in front of a furnace rather than lounging out in the sun during a hot summer's day.

With half opened eyes, she took stock of what was going on. Fear and foreboding had consumed her mind by now and were only proven to be warranted. She had been half buried under ash coated rubble. 

Her first thought was a house fire. Or the aftermath of which. But there was no ruin of a house, just the rubble that covered the area around her, and above her a dusty sky. Through the smog she could make out shapes that were vaguely shaped like the structures of houses in the distance, so she was certain she was in a town, probably even Amity Park. Had there been an earthquake? 

Her hands pressed into a layer of ash, heat slowly sinking through her thick gloves, as she pushed herself upright. No pain registered as she stood. A small miracle. Not even her jumpsuit seemed damaged, only stained into a colorless gray.

"Jack?" She yelled through the cloth that she kept over her mouth against the worst of the pollution. It still sent her into another coughing fit. There was no response she could hear, even after her lungs had calmed down.

She needed a better vantage point then, if her voice wasn't strong enough to yell.

So she climbed the next biggest pile of broken stone and looked around in hopes of spotting a flash of orange or any other hints or signs of her family. But there were only broken buildings surrounding her and everything else was unrecognizable in its state of ash-covered debris.

What had happened here? She could still remember the last things she had done before waking up. She had sat in the living room writing a report on her last experiment.

Jack had been next to her, busy with his handcrafts. Jazz had been off with her fiancé and Danny- 

"Find Danny. Save him." 

Maddie almost fell off the pile of broken bricks. "Who's there?!" She yelled hoarsely. 

But the world had gone quiet again. She hadn't noticed it before, with the pounding of her heart and the clattering of rubble as she scrambled around, but, if she held her breath and stood still, the world turned utterly soundless. 

Not a scurrying of a rat or the yelling of someone in distress. No howling of wind or rustling of leaves. Time itself seemed to be depraved of sound- of Life. 

Her breathing became short and shallow.

"Find Danny. Save him." 

She flinched when the voice sounded again. So close it seemed to come from inside her head. 

Was this her own panic sparking her into action?

Danny. Her son. She had to find him. But, didn't she have to find Jazz and Jack as well? 

Or was this not her own thought? Maddie sank to her knees and forced herself to take in hot air. She wiped over her brow with her sleeve. The heat was getting to her, that was probably an onset of a heatstroke.

She had to find shelter, food, water…, find out where she was, find out what had happened between her last thought and this wasteland. 

She had to find her family.

With new determination she looked up again and scanned her surroundings more carefully this time. 

It was hard to make things out through the smoky fog. Everything turned into a monotone shade of grey, no further than a well tossed stone's throw away. 

So she almost missed it, a glint far in the distance. Skeletal shadows stood blurrily, too washed out to really look like much, but they at least looked different from the rest of the ruins around her. 

Mind made up, Maddie clambered down from her perch and headed towards it. 

Her walk was a somber one. The heat seemed to be getting less bearable with every step and mirages distorted the ground and air ahead which made it hard to keep her turned towards the right direction.

 Her breath through her makeshift mask hitched slightly whenever she tripped over hidden rubble and her clothes were quickly soaked. Ash mixed uncomfortably with her sweat. It clung to her whenever her steps disrupted the inch thick layer with every step and made billowing clouds of burned dust rise up like smoke from a fire.

Maddie frowned at that. She paused for a moment to look behind herself, and sure enough, a path was left behind. From where she had woken up, straight to where she was now. It wasn’t surprising that she’d left a track, but  judging by the lack of any other footsteps she could spot, she might be the first person to have come through here in a while. She also wasn’t sure how long she must have been unconscious. She hadn’t felt all that dehydrated when she first woke up, but she had to have been lying there for a while for so much ash to settle. 

Gooseflesh ran up her arms and Maddie rubbed fiercely at them. This was all pointing towards a direction she did not appreciate. Had she been spirited away? Had she been sent into some kind of Hell? The involvement of the Supernatural seemed the most likely explanation so far. More so than a house fire or an earthquake.

Her whole life though, she had dedicated to the science of the unknown. And she was getting close to the completion of the Portal. Her and Jack had been relentless recently.

So, while she should be ecstatic to maybe gather definite proof of the very thing she had been studying, she felt bothered by it… Her encounter with the Supernatural had been supposed to be caused by her scientific prowess. Not whatever was going on here. Completely unprompted hexing. Like this was all just a coincidence. A fluke or some kind of cosmic joke. She kicked a pebble.

“Oh you small woman want to play scientist and spend your life enduring the ridicule of people disallowing women the capacity to use their brains? Well none of that, my dear, let’s just throw all that hard work away and have the unnatural come to you, without the need to use that head of yours.” Maddie mumbled in a mocking voice. She was going insane. But still that thought irked.

She didn’t like those things called Luck, Chance and Fate. They felt so antithetic to her exhaustingly hard work she had to put in. It made it feel less. Her mother never had seemed to understand her issue with that. Maddie hoped she never made Jazz, or Danny for that matter, feel like that. Like their Efforts were any less powerful than Fate.

She exhaled a long breath before turning back towards her destination. This time she kept on the lookout for any signs of disruption in the soft blanketing. Any signs that she wasn’t the only person around. She had to find Danny. She shook her head. “And Jazz. And Jack. All of them.” she spoke with emphasis.

What lay in the distance was hard to gauge, with how everything looked like just another shade of nothing. But she had been right. The structure she was getting close to was different from anything she had seen on her path. Even more so, it seemed to be the center of the whole area of sorts. The temperature had been climbing steadily and the landscape had become almost completely flattened. It reminded her of tales of bombs and explosions that the men would bring back from the front. Her father never had told her much, but on the rare nights when he had sat down with world weariness and a glint of injustice in his eyes, he would answer all her curious questions and tell her about the dark side of science. About things that were made to cause only destruction. The alcohol had surely helped in making his tongue loose, even if she had always found it decently ironic, that for someone who would be so insistent on rules, that he would so easily break them himself when it came to something like smuggling in whiskey.

But she could understand it, somewhat. If she was disturbed by the sight of her current hellscape, she didn’t want to imagine what it must be like to experience it littered with blood, guts and bodies. If she had to live through something like that, then a bottle would also seem appealing to her. 

She could go for a drink now, if she was being frank with herself. Her legs shook both from exhaustion and heat, but when she finally got to the structure, it made her trip backwards with a start. Because it didn't take too much of a closer look to recognise it. And it startled her because It was familiar machinery. Intimately familiar. It was the Portal. Her Portal. 

A skeletal frame was all that was left of it. Warped steel reached towards an uncaring sky. She could spot drops of molten copper that stuck to some of the carcass' innards.

Maddie didn’t even care to suppress the sob that built in her throat. Her eyes burned from more than the dusty air, and she only had half a mind to not rub them with her gritty gloves.

Her portal was dead. Imploded or exploded. It took everything with it in its final moments. She wondered if it had spared her, out of recognition. Her life's work might have. 

The pain of seeing her own in such a state was overwhelming. And all the destruction.. the portal was meant to break a new frontier, not be the root of catastrophe.

Calming down was difficult, but she had to put her grief aside until she knew where the rest of her family was. 

Her theory of being spirited away didn't fit her new evidence anymore. 

She was …home. Except her home was devoid of her family and her greatest creation had destroyed everything in its wider vicinity. It might have even killed-

Anger flared up then. This wasn’t right. Her Portal hadn’t even been close enough to completion yet. It had been in its infancy at best. There had been no permanent connection to a generator either. Even the ones her and Jack used, wouldn’t have had enough voltage to do more than run a few basic connectivity checks.

There was not even the slightest chance that it would be able to level a city. Not yet. Their plans would involve more voltage, more fuel, more unstable elements eventually. It would have had the potential in the future. But not yet. Even if Jack and her had wanted it to be much further down their project timeline. Their issues had always started and ended with materials. It usually took them compromises for what parts they would need, or patience while they first had to develop what they'd need. A lot of their plans even hinged on hypothetical materials that might exist in another time. Finding substitutes for them...it did bear greater potential for accidents and malfunctions, but so far her and Jack had been very conservative with what they'd use. 

So this mass destruction couldn't have been her Portal's fault…. Yet, it sat right there, at the center…

Though when she looked closer, even less things made sense. There were parts, melted and deformed as they were, built into place, even though they should still have been sitting on a workbench. Some parts, she had only just put the order in for.

So what was this? It definitely was the corpse of a portal. She’d even swear that it was her Portal specifically. She had walked around it once now, but there was only so much she could tell, so she did the thing she would always vehemently advise against when it came to unfamiliar or broken machinery. She stepped inside.

She half expected something to happen. But it was just more of the same mutilated metal.

Still she couldn’t help the gooseflesh that returned to her arms as she inspected the remains.

Her brows knitted together when she saw the texture of the surface of some of the support beams. There was corrosion.

She knelt down and dug around until she pulled out wires from under metal plating that was thick but loose enough for her to pry apart.

“Why do you look like this?” Maddie mumbled under her breath when she held partially intact wires in her hands. They looked wrong. Not just like they had been caught in an explosion, but as if they were plain old. Brittle insolation that had faded from their bright colors, to soft pastels. Oxidation that would not happen in even a month or two, now discolored the copper. Even the beams she had spotted were rusting and flaking. They looked off-

Maddie’s head snapped up at a sudden noise. After the silence she’d been in since waking up, the sound came unexpectedly.

Even more so, It was a hissing growl that cut through the quiet like a knife.

Maddie had grown up in the countryside, she would recognize almost any local wildlife by their noises, so she knew exactly that this was not one of them.

She crouched low and moved to a spot with a large enough gap between the metal to look through. The noise had come from a distance, yet its echo had betrayed its force. Maddie felt the gooseflesh again. A shiver that ran up and down her body and made her shudder even in this furnace of a place. Instincts. That’s what that must have been about all along.

Her breath caught in her throat when her eyes focused on what she could see through the makeshift viewport. 

Ghost. 

Ahead of her, far enough that it almost got swallowed by the smog, floated and growled a ghost. Its un-nature was given away by its glow to anyone who had eyes. Even through the curtain of impure air, the light it emitted was unmistakable. Its shape was harder to make out. It looked vaguely humanoid, but she would have to get closer to make out any kind of detail. But she wasn’t armed very well, she only had her standard tools in her coat pockets and she was in an unfamiliar environment and without Jack. She wasn't ready to fight, no matter how much her desire fought against her reason.

Luckily it didn’t seem to have spotted her yet anyways..

It looked to be facing away from her too and growling further into the void beyond the fog.

There must be another one, she concluded. This was bad though. Ghosts were theorized to be highly territorial. So if there were two, a fight was likely to break out, if the posturing and growling didn’t deter the challenger.

Maddie decided to follow her instincts and retreat. Getting caught up in this would not end well.

She was glad for the ashy blanket on the ground that muted her steps, even as she all but ran. She didn’t dare to look back and only stopped for breath, when the ruins became taller and more resembling buildings and the air became cooler. Her newer theory must have been correct. The Portal was the epicenter after all. She could also recognise landmarks now. It was hard to reconcile this disaster zone with her home, but those were undoubtedly the streets she's known for the last twenty years. 

After catching her breath and reveling in the comparably low temperatures, she continued in the direction she’d been running towards.

She wanted answers. The further away she got from the epicenter, the more likely she was to find things that were left unmarred.

She walked until she found a building that was left whole. Its red bricks shone through in places, and the windows were intact in some of the floors.

“I’m sorry” she whispered as she broke into the home of a family she'd known in passing. 

It was no matter, as there was no sign of anyone having been here in ages. This time dust coated the surfaces and furniture, opposed to the ash she had almost gotten used to.

This place was exactly what Maddie needed.

She walked carefully through the hall and towards the kitchen. She found the living room during her search and the bathroom. She ignored the living room for now, but tested out the faucet in the bathroom. Nothing. Well, she hadn’t expected it to work. The city’s water system wouldn’t have been able to take such an explosion anyways. The watertower would have been in the zone with medium destruction, but that would be enough to render the town without a drop.

She noted how the faucet had been stuck and took a fair amount of force to even budge.

She continued towards the kitchen.

There were signs that someone had rummaged around and then left in a hurry. Maddie hoped that meant that whoever had lived here, had gotten to evacuate. 

Maddie opened all cupboards and shelves until she had a decent pile of conserves. There was no water, but some of the tins were filled with soup. The labels weren’t pristine like something freshly bought. But Maddie was not prepared for the smell that hit her when she opened the first can. 

Almost all of them were spoiled. Some tins had rusted in places. It took her some courage to drink from the one broth that smelled the least nauseating.

Yet it was a relief to wash the taste of smoke off her tongue.

She didn’t waste time after that to explore the rest of the home. The homeowners must have been on the wealthy side, since they were equipped with all sorts of modern gadgets. They even had a vacuum cleaner. Not that she would consider that high tech by her own standards. She had tried to get her own version patented long before that stealing bastard snatched her idea and made his own “vision”. You could only suck up dust with his. How was that superior to her home defense version? But that would probably not be the last stolen patent that quack would sell as his own … at least she could turn his pile of junk into something she could use for her own situation in a bit.

The living room had also turned out to be useful for her. Books, letters, and most importantly, a newspaper were to be found.

That one made her pause the longest in her scavenger hunt.

The date on it was impossible. It was well of a year into the future. When she picked up the brittle and gilbed pages, it almost fell apart, so she carefully skimmed over the articles.

“I must be hallucinating.” she breathed out. There, on the third page of the Amity Times, her name stood out from the headline of a column.

The Fenton Portal, her portal, had been completed but a test run had been a failure. The article was mocking. But right now she barely noticed.

She put down the paper and let herself sink onto the couch, not caring about the dust that got stirred up. 

She'd been running around and mentally cataloging her findings for a while now. There was probably enough now to come to some conclusions about this situation.

Examine the evidence. That's what she had to do next. 

There was no mistaking it, she somehow ended in the future. The paper read it was August 22nd 1924. That was one year later than it should be, … but that was also only the date when the newspaper stopped. 

The paper itself held some answers.

It looked like the old records she'd get from libraries for her research. 

And she was a competent scientist, she could make an educated estimate on how old things were based on their state. And this newspaper? It looked old.

And not just the paper. The portal too. And the conserves. And even the furniture inside this house. It all consistently showed signs of aging.

She didn't want it to be true, but the evidence spoke for itself. 

She was in the future. A far off one. Most of it pointed towards it being around a century or so from when she should be. 

Maddie rested her head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling.

So she had been spirited away. Not locally, but temporally. To a time that seemed like the aftermath of an apocalypse. Or post judgement day, as her mother would surely call it. 

And her Portal was supposed to be the cause of it? 

That part she still couldn't agree with. 

Even in the newspaper, and she assumed it had been of the day everything had gone to hell, it said the portal had been tested and failed. But that must've been a safe affair, since the news of it existed. If it had gone up during the test, then there would be no one left to report on it.

She knew herself well enough to know that she wouldn't just turn it on carelessly after a failed run.

She couldn't even imagine Jack being so careless as to just turn it on or short circuit it. 

An accident…. Maybe. 

But they still had a procedure they followed when turning the Portal on even for its, in her actual time, half completed state. That included powering it back down and disconnecting it from its power. 

But there were more factors at play here anyways. 

There was a ghost. Lingering around here like it was its haunt. 

And there was a reason she had been sent here. 

The order to "find Danny. Save him." Had not left her head. It was like a song she'd hear on the radio once that would keep playing over and over in her head, even hours later. 

Danny might've been sent here as well. Maybe she even set out herself to go after her son, and just had amnesia from whatever invention of hers brought her here. 

It would be a relief at least. If she was here out of her own volition and with a mission. 

Then that would mean she held strings in her own hand, and wasn't just being pulled along. It would also mean that the rest of her family wasn't here. 

This would only hold up as a theory. But for now she would accept it and act upon it. 

So the last piece:

The ghost. 

Her instinct back there at the portal had screamed at her to run. And instinct, her intuition even, were rarely something she wanted to dismiss. 

And her intuition was telling her the ghost was the key to it all. To figure out the apocalyptic event that flattened the city with her Portal at the center, and what happened to Danny. She would find him. And she would save him. 

[l3xdrigo]

Since it's my birthday today and whatnot, this is gonna be a special post :D. I'm gonna show some drabbles and short stories that I've been wanting to share for a while so enjoy.

(also thank you to that one moot(@acesw) that has probably read most of these already and has suffered through my ramblings, appreciate you a lot<3)

(Most of these are Vernetto and Vertin-centric cuz they've been taking over my mind for months)

"Familiar"

It's over, the fight between the storm and Manus, it was all over. Many are bloodied, injured and tired yet cheered for their victory. Just outside the Manus's hide out was a new world that will greet them, time will no longer move backwards yet only forward. Opening the door, many arcanist and some humans alike rushes out, yet a figure stood still in front of the open door. What a familiar sight, someone steps outside and looks back and holds out their hand "Timekeeper.. It's okay now, we won, let's go and see the outside world together. Where we are all free" Vertin gave a smile, a somber smile, "I would love that.. but unfortunately I can't join you.."

A click inside the darkness of the building

" I'm sorry Sonetto, enjoy your freedom"

A loud bang echoed into the walls.

doesn't this feel so familiar for you, little puppy.

Sonetto was in a state of shock, her mind not processing what happened as the blood seeped out and spread. "Sonetto! What are you standing there for, come get Vertin and come over here" Lilya was the one who shouted, being meters away from them but her voice still reached her ears. Then, the whole situation sinked in... Sonetto dropped to her knees as it seemed all the strength left in her body was gone.

The hound couldn't protect her, it's bellwether.

(Or the foundation didn't need their timekeeper anymore, so time to let her rest)

"Aftermath"

The last drop of rain had risen and the sun began to rise, the storm was over. Bodies gone and only clothing was left, the Manus's dark ink-like substance stained the concrete ground. After grueling hours and days of fighting, it was all over, time is moving forward again, both sides had an abundance of followers and martyrs fighting for two seperate cause, they all fought rigorously yet only one remained.

Vertin on her knees stayed there, unable to move as fatigue and the strain of injuries took a toll, but also loneliness. She fought side by side with her team, her family, her herd but she was the only one remaining. Sotheby, Lilya,Regulus, Ms. Druvis, Mr. Apple.. Sonetto, they were all gone, her suitcase was destroyed, the arcanist and humans she's grown accustomed to were also gone. Was it worth it? For the mission of returning to the present but to lose everything to the past.

"One man shall fall and one man shall live to bear the consequences of thy sins" were the last words that left Arcana; the mission is over, take off your hat and face the scene in front, repent and walk to the light, a new tomorrow awaits you, Vertin.

("Are we all alone once again"- The Gleaming)

"Longing"

Sonetto was walking through the halls, passing staff members and managers and exchanging greetings. She was called to get on set today as they needed to record a new scene for the show "Reverse 1999"

Being a part of this project has been great, she's met a lot of directors and producers with a platter of amazing ideas, actors who have made some show-stopping scenes with their talents and.. as she opens the door, there she is. Vertin, with her ash-gray hair tied up in a messy bun, wearing her outfit as the Timekeeper of the show, just minus the coat, talking with one of the managers, smiling and giggling at times as they both talk about how a recent interview went. Oh how gorgeous she was, even after all these years, Vertin was still the one who holds Sonetto's heart captive and it's both a heart warming yet painful feeling.

Both of them have been friends since they were 4, it took Sonetto to grow fond of Vertin as she's been known to be quite a troublemaker but eventually she warmed up to her antics, even if she had to get her out of them most of the time. They both shared a passion for arts and literature, they were interested in theater and would watch them as their bond grew more and more throughout the years. Those times had to end however, as Sonetto flew abroad for college, leaving Vertin and the rest of her friends behind. She's gotten busy and due to that, both her and Vertin have somewhat drifted away from each other, the regret is still eating her even today, to be able to go back in time and fix that mistake. Now, Vertin has grown into an amazing actress and also has made a lot of new friends, she's met some of them, like a girl named Schneider, a bit of a flirt but she's great. There were times where she has gotten a bit envious of their bond, to be able to be so close to Vertin and not feel like her airways collapsed when she tried to utter a word.

She's here now but the distance still feels far, funny isn't it, she thought, 'how are characters we play fight against the reversal of time yet all I want is to go back and experience the past we had before' Sonetto could only sigh deeply, taking one last glance before one of the staff had called her, maybe she wasn't so different from the character she plays.

(Or maybe it wasn't just the lack of communication but another event that left them distant; actor au)

"How the moon stares at the sun"

Vertin stared at Sonetto as she smiles in the sunlight, gently reaching out to a butterfly. Sonetto looked ethereal, her orange hair slightly flowing in the wind, green eyes almost shining as brightly as the sun. Vertin knew how beautiful Sonetto was before ever since they were children of the foundation but right now really proved that thought a hundred times more. Warmth spreading to her cheeks as she just stared at her for what felt like an eternity but the moment Sonetto looked back at her, she immediately hid behind the safety of her hat.

"Timekeeper, are you alright?"

"... yes Sonetto, I am fine"

Sonetto tilted her head a bit, like a curious puppy who's also worried. It took a while for the "stoic" timekeeper to regain her composure again, though still feeling her heart beating like a drum.

"Let's go back shall we, Sonetto"

"Of course timekeeper!"

Sonetto happily followed as Vertin gave a small smile;the moon cannot shine without its sun.

(Look, lesbians)

"Reversed"

Vertin fought against forget me not and some manus followers, both are in equal battle but Fmn has the upper hand, catching Vertin off guard and using an attack that exploded a chunk of the right side of her head to bits. Her body falls to the ground, blood seeping almost immediately as in Fmn eyes, he won, she's dead, there's no way she could get up now, the deep wounds of the fight and a good chunk of her head and skull destroyed, she's dead. They retreat as the storm is here, leaving the timekeeper's body to rot.

As raindrops rise from the ground, it hits the corpse, but instead of just rising to the top, some of the raindrops were starting to affect the body. Vertin is immune to the storm's effects, but it seems that some part of that was false. Colorful liquid like substance starts to form on the sounds and the side of her head, being reversed to their original state, slowly but surely. Reversing the atoms and nerves and bringing life to her once more. She awoke again after a while, breathing heavily as the storm do it's job. Slightly touching the side of her head that was originally exploded, it still feels like liquid but she can feel some part of the bones restoring, it's best not to touch it as it actually quite hurts. Slowly getting up, and seeing the Manus nowhere to be found, she needs to head back to her team, she's worried that the Manus might try to do something.

Fmn attacks were getting stronger as the timekeeper squad casted incantation after incantation, just when Forget me not was going to land a tremendous attack, a strong attack from behind the head was enough to knock him out. The group looked at the source of the attack and spotted a familiar blue hat, Vertin stood there, clothes bloodied and parts of her body weirdly had clusters of colorful liquid. They stared for a moment, not really knowing how to process.

"I'm guessing you would like to know what happened?"

"I- YES WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW"

Regulus quickly answered back, Vertin internally sighed, this is going to be a long explanation.

(Vertin being able to heal in the storm was an interesting idea I've had)

"Clinging onto a thread"

As Vertin, Regulus, Sonetto, Mr. Apple and lilya are walking to Madam Z's office after getting back from the island and that god-forsaken first field mission, Vertin speaks up.

"Umm...Regulus, you know it's okay to let go of me now right? "

Regulus could be seen clinging onto Vertin's left arm and Mr. Apple was holding onto a small part of Vertin's hat, she shook her head.

"Nah mate, from the amount of bull crap we just went through, I'm not letting you go. And besides, I'm not the only one clinging to you"

At her right, Sonetto could also be seen clutching at her arm, looking somewhat calm but the way she firmly holds her arm says otherwise.

Vertin just stays silent for a while, and continues to walk. It would be pretty hypocritical of her to make them let go, as she herself has been holding Lilya's hand, the eagle has been guiding them back the entire time.

(It's crazy to think that the island thing was their first-field mission)

"Can you please stop taking their timekeeper away every 5 minutes"

The timekeeper squad was in Madam Z's room, currently talking about some important matters as there was a knock on the door, Madam Z gave the permission to enter as a foundation staff walked into the room.

"excuse me Madam Z, we need to take the Timekeeper for a few moments to evaluate some reports about the recent storm."

The staff was immediately bombarded with questions.

Regulus: You're taking her already?? When will she come back?

Foundation staff: in maybe a few hours

Lilya: And how long are those "few" hours?

Foundation staff: it is estimated to be around 1 or 2 if the evaluation goes smoothly

Sotheby: You're not going to bring her anywhere else right?

Foundation staff: of course not, just to the research Center.

Druvis: After the evaluation, is there anything else she would do after?

Foundation staff: umm,, it depends but I'm certain that it's only an evaluation, nothing more after that.

The foundation staff looks at Madam Z if she can take the timekeeper who's been standing next to the foundation staff and seemingly waiting patiently.

"Just let her take her leave as soon as the evaluation is over, but other than that, yes the both of you may be excused."

The two left the room and it felt very awkward. Vertin apologized for what happened, telling the poor staff that they were just worried about her after the recent events, the staff brushed it off, saying that it's fine. Though deep inside it was incredibly scary, even the Apple seemed intimidating.

(Can we please stop taking their timekeeper away, they need her as much as she needs them🥹)

"Sleeping in"

Vertin slowly woke up, the fresh sunlight hitting here skin through the windowsill of her room. It's been a few days since the disastrous mission that her team just went through, being put on break as all recovers. Something was missing, or she should say someone, getting up groggily, she drags her body out of bed and outside her room. After walking in the suitcase for a bit, she spots what she was missing, Sonetto.

She spotted her right away and was about to greet her when Vertin wrapped her arms around her waist, bringing her to a hug. Sonetto lets out a small squeak from the unexpected action but quickly recovers and wraps her arms around her as well. "Are you still tired? " the timekeeper only let out a small hum as a response, the two have gotten closer since that mission, finding it hard when both were seperated, so the two prompted to sleep in together, not like both of them minded it(Sonetto was a flustered mess at first but hey, she's fine) . Finding comfort and solace with one another, through their aching pains and injuries, both have enjoyed each other's company and warmth.

Sonetto looks at one of the clocks for the time, it still seems too early for the two of them to be up, the rest of their team still asleep. "It seems a bit too early for you to be up timekeeper, would you like to head back to bed?" Earning another hum from the timekeeper, both make their way back to the bedroom. Maybe sleeping in wouldn't be so bad, they are on break after all.

(They deserve some eepy and cuddles. Again, lesbians)

(Idk if I'll add more to this later but damn this took a while)

[ishaslife]

Elgar'nan and Mythal (Morrigan) Theory (GAMEPLAY SPOILERS)

So, we've more or less established from yesterday's gameplay reveal that one of these is definitely Elgar'nan while the other is probably Anduril or Ghilan'nain.

Which made me wonder about the identity of this dragon that was shown to us in the character trailer. I thought it was an archdemon or the main big bad but what if it is Morrigan? Having inherited Mythal's soul? Of course it won't be the same for all world states but if Morrigan drinks from the well of sorrows, she is forevermore controlled by Mythal and she clearly states she will do whatever Mythal (or her mother, Flemeth) asks if it meant she can keep Kieran safe. And guess what, at the end of Inquisition, Morrigan (if she drank from the well) can turn into a dragon and fight Corypheaus, and it looks eerily similar to the dragon we saw in the character trailer. Even if it is your inquisitor that drinks from the well, you have the power to control a dragon that is in some way tied to Mythal. So perhaps depending on your choice, this might play out differently.

Also, to further strengthen the argument that I think it is Mythal, is the eclipse happening in the background.

The old Elven legend for Elgar'nan goes:

"the sun grew jealous of the favor shown by Elgar'nan for the things of the earth, and so burned them to ashes. In retaliation, Elgar'nan threw the sun down from the sky, and only later relented because of Mythal's intervention."

Also,

"The Dalish believe that Mythal was born of the sea. They tell that when Elgar'nan threw the sun out of the sky in vengeance for burning the earth to ashes, Mythal calmed him and helped him see how his anger had betrayed him. Elgar'nan was convinced to free the sun. On the first night after the sun was released Mythal created the moon, from the glowing earth round its bed, to be placed in the sky as a pale reflection of the sun's true glory."

And what is Mythal associated with again? The moon, she created it. Her moon is eclipsing the sun, once again. Protecting it from Elgar'nan's wrath.

So, is Mythal back? We know Solas kills Flemeth as the end of inquisition but we also see her put something in the Eluvian before Solas walks up to her. I very much believe she was passing on her essence/consiousness/power/knowledge for Morrigan to find, or Kieran even. We still don't know what they talked about before Morrigan and the inquisitor found them in the fade and how Kieran was drawn to the Eluvian to begin with. If Morrigan is not in the game (as Claudia Black stated she's not unless she's not allowed to say it due to an NDA) then Keiran may as well take the mantle, the details of his old god soul are still fuzzy, we don't know if that's what Flemeth takes from him in the fade or if it was something else entirely but I bet we'll find out soon enough.

[holdupjack]

The Captains Princess

——————

Part 2

Pairing: Hermione Granger x Fem!Reader

AU: Pirate/Monarchy

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE/SEXUAL INNUENDOS

——————

Third Person P.O.V:

September 18th, 1655

Hermione Granger was part of a well-known and very respected royal family that looked after the island country that fell under Danish rule.

(A/N: I'm talking about Iceland btw, or Islandia if you want to be technical. If I read my history books correctly, which I probably didn't, then Iceland should have been under Danish rule at this point? I'm not sure, just go with it lol)

The island held a Volcano in the southwest, the land around it was now uninhabited, after a horrible tragedy ten years ago.

The mountain had suddenly come to life, spewing ash and molten rock onto the people below. Everyone at the edge of the city was able to evacuate at the time, but most were lost under the hardened rock or simply melted away.

Hermione was eleven at the time, and she remembered watching the smoke pouring over the mountains from her window.

Her mother had ushered her away, closing the window and cooping her up in the library for the entire week.

Yet, she saw what was happening at night.

The sky had gone dark, the lack of the sun and stars caused by ash as it was carried by the wind and into the main city. It covered everything like black paint, forcing everyone to cough and heave as they shoveled everything into wagons, sending it back into the outskirts of the destroyed town.

It took months, but eventually, Hermione was free to roam the city once more. Later did she learn how many of the people had died from the ash and eruption.

The number was staggering.

Now she is twenty-one, well almost, and the population had doubled in size since that day.

Her coronation was to be held tomorrow, on the day of her birth, and where she would take over the kingdom for her father and mother. It wasn't something she was excited about, but she knew it needed to be done.

In all honesty, she wanted to see the world.

She wished to explore the structures of Egypt and the booming colonies of America. Everything she had read in books and newspapers fueled her intrigue to extreme measures, but she had a job to do. Whether she wanted to do it or not.

Hermione now sat in the city garden, the smell of the Lupine flower filled her nose as royal guards stood close by.

Seagulls called over her as she heard the yelling of men and women near the docks, the shade of the Aspen Tree above her made it easier to read the newspaper in her hand.

'Virginia Blockaded By England After Declaring Allegiance To The House Of Stuart'

Hermione knew little about what went on around the world, but it still shocked her with the decisions people made.

"Come on Cap! Why did we even stop at this god-forsaken place?"

The Princess's eyes flickered up to find a group of three walking down the sidewalk nearby.

A woman around her age stood in the middle of them with a wide grin. Two tall men walked on either side of her, they seemed to be twins. One had long hair that was up in a ponytail, while the other kept it almost like a guard's military cut.

"I told you two, we need a new navigator since the last one died in the battle outside the British seas!" She replies as they made their way into one of the pubs. Hermione raised an eyebrow as the group disappeared into the building, the door shutting loudly behind them.

Her curiosity peaked, she wondered how this girl became a captain so young, and had so many questions about the lands outside of her own.

"Excuse me Princess, but we must get you back to the castle. Your mother wanted you to help pick out the last bit of details before your celebration tomorrow" A guard states as he had somehow snuck up beside her.

"Oh yes, let us be going" Hermione mumbled as she stood up and folded the newspaper under her arm. Her eyes stayed on the pub door a few moments longer before she ripped them away.

Yet, she thought back on the Captain.

Only had watched her for less than a minute, but now she seemed to hold her curiosity by the neck.

Maybe she would see her tomorrow?

It was an 'everyone invited' event after all.

——————

September 19th

Hermione sat on her father's throne, wearing a beautiful pure white dress that had originally been her grandmother's coronation dress. The Royal Tailor had taken in it for Hermione to update it to the current times of fashion.

She felt like she was getting married.

Well, she supposed she was in a sense? She was vowing her time, love, and dedication to her country.

The main hall was filled shoulder to shoulder with everyone around the land. Children, adults, and elderly alike all talked amongst each other as servers passed out food and drink.

The coronation wasn't till later in the night when they would crown her at exactly twelve, so she may begin her reign as queen immediately.

Hermione looked down at her lap and sighed softly, she felt as though her life was slipping through her fingers.

A soft whistle cut through the crowd.

She looked back at the party, no one else noticed the call for her acknowledgment, but it wasn't hard to find the whistler.

The Captain from the day before stood at the edge of the crowd, looking up at her with the same grin she wore in the street.

Instead of the normal attire that the women wore, she sported a nice white shirt and some black pants. Hermione could see the passing judgment people gave her as they walked by.

The future Queen raised an eyebrow, to which the Captain nodded her head over to the open balcony near them.

Hermione gave a small smile in return as the Captain disappeared back into the crowd. The royal stood up to follow after, but her mother walked up to her with a puzzled look on her face.

"Who were you eyeing in the crowd? A future husband?" She asks with a slight tease in her voice as Hermione chuckled at the question.

"A new friend, maybe" Hermione replies as she started to make her way into the crowd, her mother raises a brow at her retreating form.

"Getting some air?" She calls after, but Hermione was already too far by the time she did.

The music from the small string band seemed louder on the main floor as people greeted and smiled at her.

As she got to the doorway of the balcony, a guard stopped her with his arm.

"Do you know the woman that is standing out there?" He asks, as she peered out into the night, she could see the back of the Captain's head.

"Yes, and I would like to talk to them in private if you don't mind?" She replies to which he drops his arm and nodded.

He quickly opened the door for her and closed it as soon as she stepped out into the cold air.

"It's nice to finally meet you Queen Granger" the woman speaks as she turned around and smiled again.

"I'm not Queen yet, and please, call me Hermione" she replies as she stepped to the edge of the balcony and looked over the almost vacant city.

"Greetings then Hermione, my name is Captain Y/n Y/l/n. At your service, of course." the woman greets as she held out her hand for her.

Why did that name sound familiar?

Hermione watched her with a playful intrigued stare as she let her hand be taken and kissed upon by the sailor.

"What may I do for you, Captain?" Hermione asks as she felt goosebumps raise from the skin the women had pecked.

The Captain smiled again as she watched the Princess stand at the parapet with her.

(A/N: a parapet is a wall-like structure around a balcony or terrace, saved you guys a Google search.)

"Well, a little birdie told me that you're a prodigy at navigating and that you have helped map out this entire country with your expeditions," Y/n says and Hermione chuckled.

It was true, when she wasn't forced to be cooped up in the castle, Hermione was out mapping and exploring the country. She had journals upon journals in her room filled with sketches of plants, animals, and landmarks.

As you could guess, she had learned from the guardsmen how to use the stars when a compass would fail them in their endeavors

(A/N: btw, didn't know that compasses were invented so early. The first one ever recorded was in 1190. Omg we're learning so many things in this imagine, I love it.)

Her parents were always so worried about killers and thieves when she would plan a trip, but it wasn't like she wasn't being sent out with a small army with her.

"Yes, may I ask why you wanted to know?" Hermione questioned as she stared up at the beautiful night sky. Millions of stars poked through an inky abyss.

"I'll reveal that later on, but before I do, it seems you have questions to ask me" Y/n replied as she smirked at the beautiful royal.

Hermione hummed and thought for a moment, she had many questions, so she had to play her cards right.

"Are you part of a fleet? Or are you a...freelance type of Captain?" the Princess asks discreetly as she heard one of the Guards talking behind the glass door.

"Let's just say I have more fun without a boss around" Y/n replies as Hermione chuckled.

Great, she was talking to a Pirate.

"I'm surprised you haven't recognized me, I've been in the paper recently" the Captain states, causing Hermione to turn to get a better look at her.

Y/n poses as it clicks in Hermione's mind, no wonder her name sounded familiar.

"Wait, are you that Captain that stole almost half of the treasury of Venice?" she replies as Y/n began to snicker quietly as the Princess stared at her in disbelief.

"Ah don't look at me like that! We gave almost all of it back to the people!" Y/n says as she continued to grin at her, to which Hermione just chuckled in astonishment.

"Have you come to steal our treasury then? Distract me while your friends pillage us dry?" she asks with honest questioning, which caused Y/n to laugh softly at her conclusion.

"That's a smart idea, I might have to try it sometime, but no. We didn't come to steal any money from you." she replied as she turned her body toward the Princess, who didn't even look concerned at the fact that she was standing shoulder to shoulder with an enemy of many cities

"Then why did you come here?" Hermione asks as she turned herself towards her mysterious company.

Y/n's eyes travel down her body slowly, the royal felt hot for some reason, it wasn't foreign to Hermione to feel men undressing her with their eyes.

Maybe because it was a woman this time around that she felt...different.

Yet, it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling.

"My crew and I came here looking for the best navigator in this country since we're on a hit list in the other ones," Y/n says as she gazed back up into Hermione sight. The Captain's intrigue in her past time now made a lot more sense.

"Before you even ask, the answer is 'no'." Hermione states as Y/n rolled her eyes.

"Aw come on Princess, I've been watching you at this party all night, and you have been miserable!" Y/n sighs, which sort of reminded Hermione of an annoyed child trying to prove their point.

"I've made a promise to my country-"

"Not yet"

"-and my parents! I'm not going to run off with some pirate Captain that thinks of herself as a modern-day Robin Hood!" Hermione whispers with her own annoyance laced in her words.

"Who said you have to take over anyways?" Y/n asks as she stepped closer, forcing Hermione to take in the sea salt aroma she carried on her skin, which wasn't a surprise.

"No one said! I'm just doing my due diligence to my family-" she was cut off again by the captain's eye roll.

"You know what? Why am I even arguing with you? The answer is 'no'." Hermione whisper yells as she turned on her heel and went to step back into the party.

"When was the last time you did something for yourself?"

This made the Princess pause and turn back around. Her mouth fell slightly at the question that was just asked to her. She has never been talked to like this, and it ticked her off to see that Captain's face was still grinning.

"Excuse me?" She laughs out in disbelief as Y/n jumped up onto the wall around the balcony, and sat down.

"It's a fair question, you seem like you've had all the fun sucked out of you since you were little" Y/n hums as Hermione slightly tripped up on her dress, but walked up to her nonetheless.

"All have you know, I am very fun" she protests with a pointed finger as Y/n just playful smiled at her, trying to keep the conversation going between them.

Why was Hermione even trying to defend her personality from some grinning criminal pirate?

"Also, stop smiling!" She whispers as Y/n looked her over again, letting her lips fall from her toothy grin to a subtle rise of the corners of her mouth.

"I'm sorry Princess, I just find you very pretty" she admits, which caused Hermione to be struck dumbfounded.

Who just admits that after asking a Princess to join their gang of murderous pirates?

"Well, uh, thank you," Hermione says as she cleared her throat, and smoothed down the front of the dress. Her embarrassment from her outburst started to set in, she never got this upset with anyone, and she has sat down with political parties.

"But flattery won't get you anywhere" she states as Y/n picked at a loose string on her pant leg.

"Listen, my ship is docked at the east bay. I'll have one of my men holding a lantern on deck during his patrols, in case you want to visit me before your crowning." Y/n says as she jumped back into the floor and dusted off her pants, pulling out a pocket watch.

"You have two hours before you get crowned and we head off to some new land that people are calling the 'West Indies'. A friend of mine was even able to send us a map of its location, we'll get there with or without you." Y/n states as Hermione's interest seemed to skyrocket again.

"You said that you needed a navigator? Won't you get lost?" She replies as Y/n stuffs the device back in her pocket.

"I'm not just a ruthless Robin Hood Captain with a small army of society rejects, but I'm also a decent enough Wayfinder!" Y/n hums as she went to step towards the door, back into the party. Hermione quickly stopped her with a hand to the Captain's chest, she burned her eyes into Y/n's.

"You'll be lost within a day" Hermione states as Y/n leaned closer, causing their noses to bump slightly.

"Maybe, or we'll be right as rain" she replies as they stared at one another with glares that held different meanings. It's quiet between them as the people in the hall began to sing a drinking song.

"Too bad you'll be marrying yourself off to some child-like man" Y/n mumbled as she let her harden gaze drop, Hermione furrowed her brows at the statement.

A questionable time to bring that up.

"Why do you say that? Do you think you could do better?" She asks with a scoff as the Captain took her arm and began to move them to a secluded corner.

"Much better" Y/n whispers as they hide from any prying eyes in the main hall. Hermione hummed as the woman stepped even closer, their heads tilted to the side as their lips ghosted one another's.

"You say that, but you probably have a different girl in your quarters every night," the Princess says as her hands grasped Y/n's hips in an attempt to steady herself.

Hermione started to question her own intentions at this moment, trying to figure out how their argument turned so scandalous in a matter of seconds.

"I haven't been to bed with another in many voyages, but when I saw you in that garden yesterday, I knew that needed to change," Y/n admits as her body pinned Hermione to the wall behind her.

"You saw me?" Hermione asks as the sailor hummed and pressed a kiss to the corner of the royal's lips.

"My crew thinks I'm just asking you to be our navigator, but I have had my own intentions from the start," Y/n says as she left a trail of kisses down to Hermione's neck.

She should push her away, Hermione knew better than to let a random criminal kiss and nip on her skin like this, but in all honesty...she was enjoying this Captain's touch more than she would like to admit.

"Come sail by my side, be my Princess" Y/n whispers into her ear, sending a shiver down Hermione's back as goosebumps rose onto her arms and her hands gripped the woman's hips.

"I don't know you, or your intentions" Hermione replies as Y/n kissed her jaw, but she ultimately hummed in agreement.

"That's true, you don't know anything about me" she states as she backed away to look at the flushed girl, who looks as if she had dipped her face in red paint.

"But, we have a little bit of time before your crowning, so what would you like to know?" Y/n asks as she stepped away and jumped back to sit on the balcony again.

They could now be seen again by any snooping partygoers and patrolling guards.

Hermione stood up straight as she pushed down the wrinkles on her dress, and brushed away any lint or dirt she saw.

"You!...you should know better than to push yourself onto a Princess!" She whispers as Y/n's grin made its reappearance, almost teasing her to come closer and make it disappear.

Whether from a slap or a kiss, Hermione wasn't certain.

"You could have pushed me away" Y/n replies, making the young Granger pause and try to come up with a valid excuse.

"You caught me off guard"

"Mhm"

Y/n began to quietly snicker as Hermione just huffed and crossed her arms against her chest. She was making herself out to be a stupid bratty princess, and she was not.

"You know that asking someone you find pretty to join your crew and leave her country behind, isn't a very good way to ask them on a date" Hermione chuckles as she started to relax slightly, now finding her smile less irritating as time went on.

"I've never asked a woman on a date before, I use to only pay for their company when I was younger," Y/n says as she shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her dangling feet.

Hermione noted the embarrassed behavior she exhibited, almost like she was insecure that she had to pay for a woman in her bed at night.

"I understand when it comes to society on land, with their prejudices about two women being together." Hermione starts as she thought back on the people who had been run out of their city because of silly ideals.

"Yet, I thought Pirates didn't care? As long as they got their drinks, money, and partners out of it." She asks as she heard a clank of beer mugs and cheers from men inside.

"Of course, they don't care, it's just hard to date another sailing woman, especially if they are part of another ship" Y/n answers with a sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You must have girls on your own crew then?" Hermione questioned as she took a step closer. Y/n look back at her with a laugh and shook her head in quick succession.

"They're like my sisters!" Y/n states, which made Hermione chuckle as well. She guessed that made sense since probably being on a ship for months on end would bring them all closer as a family more than anything,

"Also, all of my crew has lads or lasses back home waiting for them to return" Y/n continues as she laid down on the parapet, one leg swung over the edge while her other foot was planted on the stone, and her knee pointed to the sky,

"Be careful, we're high up" Hermione stated as she stepped closer, her fingers twitched as she stopped herself from grabbing ahold of the girl.

They were just one story up, but it was still high enough to break something.

"I've fallen from the crow's nest of my ship, multiple times! This is nothing." Y/n chuckles as she locked her fingers and puts them behind her head as a makeshift pillow.

"I'm guessing you drank one too many pints?" Hermione asks as her eyes scanned the Captain's body.

"See? You're getting to know me so well already!" Y/n replies as they chuckled together.

"Did you land in the water each time? Or have you somehow not died from that yet?" The Princess asks as her hand finally grasped the hem of her shirt.

"Almost all were in the water, but last time I hurt myself real bad" Y/n replies as one hand snuck out from under her head and hooked a finger around the fabric between Hermione's breasts, pulling her closer again.

They weren't hiding anymore, this was a dangerous position to be in, but maybe that was the point.

Was Y/n trying to get her shunned from the castle for engaging in scandalous behavior with another woman?

A fucked up way to force her to join her crew?

Hermione suddenly backed away and cleared her throat, pushing down her wrinkles again.

"As entertaining as this conversation has been, I must go back to my party" she sighs as her chin went back to being high and mighty, and her back as straight as a wooden beam.

"Do you have to?" Y/n asks as she sat back up, causing Hermione to smile. Her childlike questions were almost begging, like she truly didn't want Hermione to walk away.

"I must, it is my birthday party after all" she replies and Y/n hums as she thought of an excuse for her to stay just a little bit longer.

"Just answer one more question," Y/n asks to which Hermione raised her eyebrow in return as the Captain stood back in front of her.

"Will I see you tonight?"

They stared at one another for a few moments, the air around them was chilly, but a slight heat seem to burn between them.

Hermione then just walked away.

That told Y/n that it wasn't a 'no', but it wasn't a 'yes' either.

She wondered what went through that beauty's mind, and if she knew that she had easily gotten a stoic sailor on her toes.

——————

When Y/n had arrived back at the port with no one in tow, Ginny gave a loud sigh from the deck of 'The Morrigan'.

"Captain on deck!" Ron yells near the bow of the ship.

"Is she-" she starts but the Captain quickly raised her hand in a 'stop' gesture and grabbed the lantern that hung near the entrance of her quarters.

"She still has an hour until her crowning, which I told her we will leave at exactly then also," Y/n says as she handed Ginny the lantern, and smiled at her irritated expression.

"What does that even mean?" the ginger replies as the sounds of her twin brothers echo from the crow's nest.

"Look at that whale Freddie! Looks like your ex-girlfriend!"

It was funny to think that half her crew was just the entire Weasley family.

"Just keep this lantern lit as you do your patrols around the deck" Y/n states as she patted the girl's shoulder and disappeared into her quarters.

As the door shut behind her, a soft groan came from her lips as she grabbed her hat from the hook on the wall.

Placing it on her head, she took a seat at her desk and began looking at the new inventory report.

Molly has requested more fruit cabbage for her kitchen, while Draco has asked for a new pair of boots. Harry needs new glasses, and Blaise needs to go to the blacksmith and sharpen his swords.

Y/n felt a headache begin to form as she tried to figure out a way to get everyone these things. This kingdom had almost everything, but she would have to dig through the old navigator's journal entries to find out where they got Harry's glasses the last time he broke them.

She needed help, and she didn't know how to ask for it without looking vulnerable in front of her crew. Y/n was only one person, and she needed someone as sophisticated as Hermione.

Granted, Y/n still planned to make Hermione hers, but that would have to wait.

Minutes went by quicker than she had realized as she scanned through the reports of everything below deck. She eventually noticed that it was ten to twelve.

"Come on Hermione" Y/n whispers as she stood up and walked back onto the deck.

"Begin preparations for departure!" Y/n yells out as a chorus of 'Ayes' rung out around her.

Ginny still stood near the walkway with the lantern in hand as she stared out into the town, which seemed devoid of life if it wasn't for the castle that was lit up like a fireworks display.

"I don't think she's coming" Y/n whispers as Ginny just hummed.

"You've always been so quick to judge" she replied as her eyes flickered towards different corners of the streets that stood in front of her.

"Ready Captain!" Percy states from his post as he stood at the stern with his hand on his pistol.

Percy always seemed to know when trouble was headed their way, it was almost like a gut instinct for him to grab his weapon.

"There she is" Ginny chuckles as she tapped Y/n's chest with the back of her hand.

Y/n's head snapped to find Hermione bolting down the street towards them, she now wore pants and a shirt instead of the beautiful white dress she had been given earlier in the day.

The Captain quickly made her way to the walkway, but soon noticed that she wasn't just running to get to them in time. Y/n heard the yelling of guards and began to smile.

"Once she's on the ship, time to go!" Y/n called as Draco took ahold of the wheel, and barked orders at the boys on the deck.

Hermione caught the Captain's eyes as she dashed down the dock towards them, and smiled at her, to which Y/n broke out in a grin in response.

"Come on Princess! We don't have all night!" Y/n teased as she held out her hand for her to take across the board between land and ship.

As soon as their hands grasped one another's, Y/n yanked her on deck and let Ron and Harry quickly pull the wood onto the ship as well.

"Full sails! Get us out of here!" Y/n yelled as the woosh of the sails fell and took in the wind of the sea.

Tens of hundreds of footsteps pounded on the dock as they pulled away, one guard had managed to jump and grab the side of the ship, but Pansy was able to just lean over and wack away his hands with the butt of her sword.

He didn't fall into the water at first, but her threat was able to make him choose his fate.

"Let go, or I'm chopping them off"

He quickly dropped into the cold unforgiving ocean.

Y/n darted towards the stern as The Morrgian began to take speed and drift off into the night.

She watched as hundreds of guards stood at the docks watching as their future queen ran off with one of the most hated pirates in the seven seas.

"I'll kill you Y/l/n!" A man yells from his place in the troops, from the crown on his head, she hadn't had to guess that he was King Granger.

"Well, that's one way to make a first impression on the crew!" Ginny snickers as she greeted Hermione on the deck.

"It would have been a lot calmer if my father hadn't caught me sneaking away" she replies as she put her back into a ponytail with a few hairpins she had left in her pockets.

"We'll have an introduction party tomorrow, right now Hermione and I need to begin setting a course for the West Indies" Y/n joked as she made her way back to the deck, Hermione stumbled slightly as the ship swayed side to side.

"Don't worry Princess, you'll get your sea legs eventually" the Captain snickers as she gestured to her quarters, and held out her hand for Hermione to take for stability.

As she took it, Blaise began to sing a chantey proudly, to which the crew joined in as well as they began their Mundane chores around the ship.

Y/n shut her door behind them, muffling the ruffians, as Hermione took in the beautiful books and maps that were scattered around.

"These are beautiful" Hermione whispers as she walked around the space with so much intrigue.

"I would hope so, since you'll be living in here" Y/n states as points to another desk that face the window that looks out into the sea behind the ship. A small bed lay next to it, almost looking untouched since its last owner as many books and papers were scattered around the space.

She could see her home fading away as they drifted away further.

"Wait, the Captain and Navigator share the same room?" Hermione asks as she turned back to find Y/n suddenly standing almost face to face with her.

"Of course, you're my right hand now" she mumbles as her eyes flickered around Hermione's face.

"If there wasn't already evidence of this cot being lived in, I would think you had done this on purpose" Hermione chuckles as Y/n brushed past her and took a seat at her desk.

"We could always push our cots together? Make this space very lived-in" Y/n suggests as Hermione stood in front of her, the only thing separating them was the desk of the captain.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" the former royal asks as she leaned down and restart her hands upon the wood.

"Certainly, I like to have my treasures close by me" Y/n whispers as she herself leaned closer, and like earlier in the night, they stared at one another intensely.

Hermione smirked and brushed her nose against hers in a teasing manner.

"You think of me as one of your treasures?" she replies in a hushed tone as she heard a soft shudder come from the sailor.

"Yes, I've caught myself a princess after all" Y/n mutters as Hermione pecked the corner of her mouth.

She was using her tricks.

"Did you? Or did I catch myself a Captain?"

Y/n's grin found a home on her lips once more for the night, before being wiped away with a kiss from Hermione.

The captain saw stars behind her eyes that were more beautiful than the ones in the sky.

The poor Captain tried to chase after another one as she backed away with a mischievous smile.

"As fun, as it is to fool around with you, we do have work to do" Hermione states as she walked towards her new desk, her hand squeezing Y/n's shoulder as she went by.

Hermione could feel eyes burning into the back of her head as she sat down and took a book from one of the piles.

"If you want more, you have to woo me, my Captain," she says as she whispers the last part in a sultry tone.

Even though her decision to betray her country was almost just for the fact to see the world, she also knew a part of her wanted to see how a flirty Captain would treat her during their months at sea.

She knew sooner or later she would allow herself to be taken into the Captain's arms and ravished behind closed doors.

Yet, she still wanted to be treated like a proper lady, and it was going to be fun to watch an urchin like Y/n try her best at it.

Hermione could only chuckle as she heard Y/n walk out to the deck and begin asking questions about dates to her crew, having left the door open slightly.

This is going to be fun.

[joshsindigostreak]

I See Hell in Your Eyes

Chapter Four

“I’m just a bright eyed bitch with her heart in a cage.”

Josh Kiszka x Vampire!Reader

Authors Note: WHEW this was another chapter that kind of got away from me, but I do hope you love it as much as I do! Thank y'all so much for going on this ride with me. There's so much more to come!

Word Count: 10,061

Warnings: Detailed depictions of blood, swearing, sexual content.

Your head and arms were covered, your face shielded by the shadow his jacket cast on your face, but your legs, your poor legs and feet were going in and out of the shadow as you trekked down the sidewalk. It was Sisyphean in how the lower half of your legs would burn and then try to heal themselves with each stride. The morning was still young, with barely any people out and about in the freshly risen sun, and so far there were few places for you to find any cover for a break from its light. 

Beside you, or behind you depending on the direction of the aggressive sun beams, Josh was a wreck listening to how your skin was sizzling and burning. The sound rang in his ears and it was all he could focus on, along with your constant winces and gasps. He was familiar with it, after killing several Vampires in a similar fashion. It was a trademark of his twin. Jake loved dragging Vampires out into the sunlight and lighting them up, watching them fry and turn to ash. For him, staking them wasn’t enough. It was too quick of a death, he didn’t believe they felt the gravity of their Damned existence without real pain. This strategy was something Josh never questioned until now. Now that someone he…someone he knew was going through it. 

You tried to crack a few jokes every few minutes, promising him you had a much higher pain tolerance than the current situation would suggest, but he’d shush you each time, hoping that you would focus more on walking as fast as you could instead of banter. He looked down at your feet, your poor feet, while you hobbled around in your heels. You couldn’t take them off because that would expose your skin even more, and seering your skin on the hot sidewalk was out of the question. 

On the next block, Josh spotted a covered bus stop, and nearly dragged you across the street to get you under the shelter. You collapsed onto the bench in a soft whimper, the sound made Josh’s chest feel tight. He thanked every being in the universe that no one else had been inside the bus stop, but that feeling of positivity was quickly shattered when you pulled his jacket down to drape over your shoulders and he saw just how much your mascara had run down your face from your tears. 

You could see it all over his face that he was not only worried, but turning a bit green while looking over your slowly healing wounds. 

“I’ve looked worse, I promise,” you said with a weak smile.

Josh shook his head, not only because he didn’t believe you, he also didn’t want to imagine how much worse you could possibly look, or any kind of scenario that would put you in such a state, “we’re only a few blocks away, ten minutes, tops.” 

You nodded, feeling very weak despite the skin stitching itself together on your shins and ankles. Closing your eyes for a few minutes wouldn’t hurt, you reasoned with yourself, and you started to lay down on the bench. Josh, who had been standing in front of you as another barrier between you and the outside world, did not want you to fully lay down on the disgusting bench, and quickly sat next to you before you could fully collapse, his shoulder breaking the fall of your cheek. A sigh left your lips as your eyes fluttered shut, and Josh took this time to just…look at you. By far this was the quietest he had ever seen you, and it unsettled him. 

He looked down the street in the direction of his apartment building, once again mentally calculating just how far you had left. He wasn’t used to this, feeling empathy for anyone of your species, but it was getting hard to ignore the warmth that spread through his chest when he would catch you looking at him. He couldn’t journal these thoughts down, putting them on paper made them real. It was against everything he had been taught. All the lessons his father had drilled into his head. He could practically hear the lecture about no matter how tempting it was, at the end of the day humans were a food source to them. Nothing more, nothing less. A juicebox with legs. Humans were prey and Vampires the predators, but it was a hunters job to take that power back, to maintain the status quo of the ecosystem. 

Josh cast his eyes up at the sky, which was only getting brighter by the second, and unfortunately it appeared to be a sunny day with not a single cloud on the horizon. He looked down at you, eyes closed and breathing slowly through your nose. You were still slumped against his shoulder, nearly assuming the fetal position to keep as much of your body under his jacket as possible. Your brows were knitted together in pain, and he hated the fact that you’d have to move soon, before the sun got any worse. Your legs had finally started looking normal, and his stomach lurched at the mental image of burns blistering their way through your skin again. He leaned his head down, and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. 

Your name left his lips in a whisper, “I know you don’t want to get up, but we have three blocks to go and then we’ll be safe.” 

You groaned in response, keeping your eyes closed. Three blocks. You could do it. Three blocks was nothing. You’re celebrating the big 3-5-0 this year, you got this. Slowly, you swung your legs off the bench, and winced as gravity put pressure on your feet in your heels. Josh stood up and got in front of you, letting you use his arms to help yourself stand up. Step one was done, and it wasn’t too bad! He pulled his jacket back over your head, and you looked up at him briefly, and saw the concern written all over his face. 

“Three blocks?” 

“Three blocks,” he confirmed. 

With one foot in front of the other, you stepped out from under the bus stop, the light immediately made contact with your skin, and the sound was audible as you burned. You tried to make a few steps further, and stumbled over your own feet again. Before you could fall, Josh caught you in his arms. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He needed to get you to his apartment and in the dark, now. 

Before he realized what he said, a soft, “c’mon sweetheart,” left his lips. The last time he called you that was in a sneer, taunting you while he bound your wrists in those blasted cuffs. He didn’t have time to analyze why he said it again, and with autopilot taking over he scooped you up into his arms and started to carry you down the street. Your legs were still exposed to the sun, but he could make better time on his own instead of helping you hobble your way there. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best he could do. 

He crossed the street to the next block, not caring if the light was green or not. Two blocks now. Josh wanted to break out in a full run, but he didn’t want to draw too much attention to the two of you. The last thing he needed was someone stopping him to question what was wrong. He kept his brisk pace as he stole a glance down at you. You hadn’t even protested when he picked you up, and the fact that you didn’t have the energy to make a sarcastic comment, or even call him a name, made his anxiety so much worse. 

One block to go. He could see the front door to his apartment building. He neglected to tell you that he also lived on the fourth floor, in an attic bedroom that was converted into a studio apartment, but he’d cross that bridge when he got you inside. 



A car blared its horn as he walked out in front of it, but Josh paid it no mind as he darted across the street to his block. When he first moved in, he hated the ugly blue awning that was added years ago by someone with no taste, but he was thanking his stars as he ran up the steps and got you securely under it. He wouldn’t relax until he got you all the way upstairs, but the worst was over. He plunged his hand into his pocket for his keys, and nearly got them into the lock when they slipped out of his hands due to how hard they were shaking from adrenaline. 

“God-fucking-damnit…” he cursed as he bent down to pick them up and try again, this time successfully and he wrenched the door open as fast as he could. He guided you inside and made sure to shut the door behind him. The house was old, probably Victorian, and there wasn’t a lot of natural light in the front entryway. The stairs leading up to the upper floors were almost as dark, and he was once again changing his mind over how much he hated the gloomy aesthetic at first. 

Josh gave you a few minutes to collect yourself against the front door, before slowly pulling the jacket down so it just rested on your shoulders. Your makeup was completely ruined, mascara streaks were down both cheeks, your lipstick gone from your activities the night before, but your eyes…your eyes still had that spark in them. You made eye contact with him, and while your fatigue refused to let you fully smile, your eyes said everything they needed to. 

Josh stood there, staring into your eyes with his hands in his pockets. This was probably the quietest the two of you had been around each other, but he didn’t mind it. Silence like this was nice, one could even describe it as warm. 

The dimple in his left cheek started to form as he said, “only four flights of stairs to go…”

The smile in your eyes immediately disappeared and annoyance dripped from your voice, “four flights? You live in a fourth floor walk up?” 

“I mean…it's technically the attic, but it's home for now.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes, “fine I guess.” 

Now it was his turn to be annoyed, “Well I’m sorry princess, would you like me to carry you up there so it's not too much trouble?”

You pushed off the door and started for the stairs, “no, I’m fine.” 

The stairs creaked as you started your ascent, grumbling the whole time while Josh trailed behind you. He kept his ear out for any of the other tenants as you made your way through the different floors. The walls in the building were obnoxiously thin, even all the way up in the attic where he stayed. 

The main staircase ended on the third floor, and you turned to look at him for where to go next. Josh led you down the hall, where a set of steep and narrow stairs were positioned in the corner, twisting up into the wall and out of sight. You knew stairs like this very well, as they were once used for servants whenever this house was first built. You had a brief flashback of similar stairs from your life before you were turned. There was no such thing as building codes back then, and architects didn’t care about servants' safety so the stairs to their quarters were often steep, uneven, and treacherous. Sighing, you started to trudge up the stairs, one heel stomp at a time. In any other circumstance, Josh would have rolled his eyes at your dramatics, but after what he saw on the street, he knew you weren’t faking your discomfort. 

The landing at the top of the stairs was so small that the two of you were invading each other's personal space. Neither one of you acknowledged how your shoulders were touching, or how the back of your hands brushed against each other. The door to his apartment was angled with how it fit into the roof of the building, and Josh unlocked it quickly and stepped inside. When he didn’t hear your heels click clack on the wooden floor behind him, he turned around in confusion. You were standing in the doorway, hands against the frame with an expectant look on your face. Ah shit, he remembered, you had to be invited in. 

He stepped back in front of you, dramatically bowed and said, “would you like to come in?”

“Why yes, I would,” you played along before stepping into his residence. Apartment buildings were a weird supernatural gray area for Vampires. In some buildings you couldn’t enter the front door without being invited in, and in others like this one you could freely move around the building but needed an invite into individual apartments. It was annoying as fuck but it was just something you had to live with. 

It wasn’t a palace by any means, but you saw the potential in the apartment as you walked around. It was truly the definition of a studio apartment, with everything being in one whole room. The walls were painted a muted color, the floors were wooden and most likely original to the house. Josh hadn’t put much effort into decorating, mainly because he didn’t feel the need to spruce up what was essentially a crash pad. The kitchenette was to the left, a singular bowl and spoon sat in the sink, a box of cereal on the counter. There was a small, basic table between the kitchenette and the “living room” that consisted of a sofa and coffee table. Beyond that was a door to what you assumed was the bathroom, and the “bedroom” in the back. You were pleasantly surprised Josh had a real bed frame, and wasn’t a “mattress on the floor” kind of guy. 

As you stood there checking the place out, Josh was flitting about the apartment shutting the blinds to all three windows his place had. There was just enough light coming through to keep it pleasant during the day but not enough to hurt you. He started to make a mental note to get some true black out curtains, but then shook his head because it wasn’t like you were going to be coming around all the time. This was a one time thing, out of convenience. 

You walked over to the sofa, and collapsed down on it with a sigh. Josh sat next to you, grateful for the old dusty thing himself. Leaning forward, you attempted to unstrap your heels and finally free your feet of the wretched things, but the strap was being stubborn in the buckle and you almost ripped it off before you felt hands lifting your feet off the ground and onto the sofa between you and Josh. You looked up at him confused until you saw him work the buckle himself, freeing the strap and slowly sliding your shoe off your foot. Before you could protest he repeated the process with your other foot and gently placed your heels on the floor. You stared at him as he leaned back and relaxed on his end of the sofa. 

“You didn’t have-”

“Don’t worry about it.” 

You opened your mouth to argue, but out of the corner of your eye you noticed what was sprawled all over the coffee table. An unloaded black crossbow was resting on the surface, with a bunch of silver-tipped stakes strewn next to it. It was like a bucket of cold water was dumped on you. Reality set in. At the end of the day, Josh was a hunter, and not only that but he came from an entire line of hunters. And you? You were of the species his family had set out to eradicate. 

“How many Vampires have you killed?” Josh jumped at your words, not expecting that question. 

“Alone or…with my brothers?”

“Total.” 

Josh scratched under his chin, quickly adding up numbers, “Over one hundred, give or take.” 

You straightened up against the sofa, inching away from him slightly. Hearing an actual number sobered you up even more. 

“Now, it's only fair that I ask you how many humans you’ve killed.”

It was your turn to jump at his question. The first five, or even ten years of your life as a Vampire were blurry, genuinely. The Vampire that made you wasn’t very concerned about your wellbeing, and essentially turned you and set you loose onto the world with very little guidance. It took a shit ton of conscious effort on your part to hone your hunting habits, to learn from your mistakes and find as much of a peaceful existence as you could. 

“Dozens…if I had to guess.” 

He turned and looked at you, “if you had to guess?” 

“I don’t exactly write these things down. Have you ever counted how much livestock you’ve eaten?”

“That's entirely different and you know it.”

“Is it? I’m sorry we’re such imperfect creatures. I can’t go back and change any of it.” 

Josh held back a scoff, physically too exhausted to argue with you now. He sighed and let the subject drop. His eyes looked at your disheveled form once more, and realized you probably wanted to shower and change. Without a word he lifted himself off the sofa, retreating into the bedroom portion of his apartment to find you something to wear. He went through a few drawers to settle on a pair of red boxers and an old gray t-shirt, it was at least something. Walking over, he crossed in between the coffee table and the sofa, blocking your view of the crossbow and stakes. 

“Look, I don’t want to fight with you right now,” he said, holding the bundles of clothes out to you, as a small peace offering. 

You eyed the t-shirt and boxers, “I’m glad to know you’re not a tighty-whities guy.” Josh gave you a look, sarcasm was at least better than outright refusing his help. “Ok…lead me to the shower, Boy Scout.” 

For once, Josh was grateful to hear the nickname. He reached out and helped you off the sofa, as you were still a little wobbly on your feet. The door to the one bathroom he had was barely ten feet away, but he led you all the way there, opening the door and flicking on the light. The shower stall was tiny, even for him, but the water pressure was decent so he couldn’t complain too much. 

“What, no clawfoot tub?” You feigned offense, laughing a little before walking in. Before you shut the door, you gave him a serious look, “...thanks again.” He gave you a soft smile and nodded, turning away as you shut the door completely.

 When you heard his footsteps retreat away from the door, you turned around to really give the bathroom an inspection. You could tell so much about a person by their bathroom alone, and you had questions about the hunter who lived here. The first thing you checked was the shower. Pulling back the tiny curtain your eyes swept over the shower caddy that was hanging behind the showerhead. Oh thank fuck he had separate shampoo and conditioner, you thought. He even had a separate body wash, another green flag! The bar might be in hell, but at least this man kept himself actually clean. 

You twisted the shower knobs to get the ideal temperature, and as the water was heating up you turned and looked at the tiny pedestal sink on the opposite wall. It was pretty decluttered except for a toothbrush and a cup on the back of the sink. There was a free-standing basket organizer next to the sink, which seemed to be a dumping ground for a bunch of hair styling tools. Most notably was the full size hair dryer and clippers that were plugged into the wall charging. The mental image of Josh standing in front of the mirror trimming back the sides of his head flashed in your mind and you focused on it for longer than you should have. You recalled how fresh it looked when you met up in the park, and had to shake your head to focus again. Turning around you reached your hand out to test the water, thankful the temp was just right before stripping down and stepping in. 

Outside in the main living area of the apartment, Josh was zooming around the room cleaning up anything and everything. His first line of business was putting away the crossbow and stakes, throwing them in the back of his small, barely-there closet. He peeked outside one of the windows to gauge how high the sun was, and he was dismayed to find that it was still just as bright as it was before, with zero clouds in the sky. He triple checked the rest of the windows to make sure they were firmly shut and the blinds secure, so that no light would filter in accidentally. He didn’t have many lamps, but the few he did have he flicked them all on so that it didn’t look as dreary as it could. After he got done scrubbing the dishes in the sink he sat back on the sofa and took his phone out. He huffed when he saw a missed call from his brother Sam, and a bunch of texts from Jake. The voicemail Sam had left wasn’t urgent at all, just that he was pissed Josh had taken off with a bunch of the files he had put together without asking. Whatever, he’d get over it, Josh thought. But it was the texts from Jake that made him pause. 

Jake: I should be there in a few days, maybe less if I make good time. 

Shit shit shit shit shit, Josh panicked, it had completely slipped his mind that Jake was due for a visit. Well, he reasoned to himself, she won’t be here after today, so it shouldn’t be an issue. He just hoped that Jake didn’t decide to take any shortcuts while traveling. Jake wasn’t a flier, he rarely took planes unless absolutely necessary. He loved driving on the open road across the states. “You never know when you’d run into one of the Undead,” he’d always say. He didn’t mind side quests to pick off a few more Vampires as long as it didn’t interfere with his main plans. 

As he tossed his phone to the side, he heard the water shut off in the shower. The tips of his ears tinged pink when he realized just how fast he whipped his head in the direction of the bathroom door. He turned back to look down at his hands when the door opened, not wanting to be caught staring in your direction. But he couldn’t help himself, and slowly turned his head towards you as your footsteps made the old floor creak. 

He was frozen in his spot on the sofa, seeing you walk out in his boxers and t-shirt, hair still wet from the shower and pulled to the side, all of your makeup from the night before gone. He clenched his jaw to keep himself from saying, “wow” out loud. 

When you saw him look up from the sofa, you almost tripped over thin air. Those big brown eyes looked even wider, and was that a hint of red on his cheeks? His jaw was clenched tightly, but his adams apple was bobbing. Did he forget you could hear how fast his heart was beating? Did he realize you could hear it hammering in your head? Most of the time you tuned out human heartbeats. It was second nature to you. But his was too loud to ignore. Was he aware of how it stuttered when you made eye contact with him? Did he know that you could hear it thumping harder and harder as you walked closer to him? 

You stopped a couple feet away from him, shifting your weight from foot-to-foot as you looked down at him on the sofa. You felt like a silly little girl. This was just Josh.  The same man who had you up against a tree with a knife to your throat not even two nights ago. The same man who pledged his life to hunt your kind down.

Boy Scout. 

Instead, you felt your own cheeks heat up at the way he was staring at you. Why wasn’t he blinking? Why was his stare so intense? Why the fuck couldn’t you even speak? You were just standing there, still damp from the shower, wearing his old clothes. This wasn’t…this wasn’t a big deal. He was still sitting there, still in his attire from the Den, though his shoes were off and his shirt was unbuttoned a few buttons. 

But all you could lamely say was, “if you umm…if you need the shower its open…” 

You wanted to fall through the floor and never be seen again. 

At your words, he finally blinks at you and nods, “right.” 

You take turns taking airy breaths through your noses as he stands up and awkwardly side steps you on his way to the bathroom. You didn’t dare turn around as you heard him rummaging through his drawers for new clothes. It was too domestic. That's not what this was supposed to be. You were just crashing here while the sun was out. The minute it disappeared beneath the horizon you were out of there. 

At last, you heard the door to the bathroom shut. But you didn’t let your shoulders fully relax until you heard the shower start. Desperate to distract yourself, you took a glance around the apartment once more. The first thing you noticed was how the crossbow and stakes were nowhere to be found. You didn’t fight the way the corners of your mouth twitched at the observation. 

Once again you were alone, and you were taking advantage of it to be nosy. For someone who hadn’t been living there very long, Josh sure loved his knick knacks. His apartment looked so…lived in. You could tell he had tidied up while you were busy in the shower, which wasn’t helping your previous thought spiral. There was a classic ship-in-a-bottle sitting on the end table under the lamp, and you wondered where he got it from or what the significance was. The ship was specifically a pirate ship as well, which was an interesting observation to you. You’d have to ask him about-

What the fuck…

As you entered the bedroom portion of the apartment once again, you turned to the far wall that you hadn’t really paid attention to earlier. Before you was dozens of papers and photos tacked onto the wall, with an almost comical amount of red string zigzagging around from paper to paper. On the floor in front of the display were a few folders. He really wasn’t kidding, he genuinely had files on us, you thought. You got closer to the wall to inspect his handiwork. There were post-it notes slapped onto every photo, with what you realized was Josh’s chicken scratch filling up each yellow square. A lot of the photos were street views of the city, with at least 6 photos of dead humans in the corner. The bodies that had been found. You weren’t sure how to react when you recognized one of the street views. In fact it wasn’t even a street at all, but an alley. The alley that Josh had almost captured you in. A post-it was peeling off of the top corner labeled, “First Encounter.” 

You stood there, motionless while trying to decipher his evidence board. His thought process was all over the place, that much was obvious. As if he was trying every theory he could come up with and seeing what stuck. It was cute how he had papers with information about Vampires scattered amongst the “evidence”. Some of it was right…but a lot of it was blatantly wrong. Most of the papers seemed to be pages torn out of books, and you wondered what the hell kind of books he was getting these out of. There were a few “famous” books written by hunters for other hunters to give them tips on how to properly destroy the Undead. But the joke was on them, for Vampires had been spreading misinformation about their kind for centuries just to throw off hunters. The rumor that Vampires didn’t have a reflection was started by a Vampire Persuading a hunter into spreading that as fact, and even now in the present you’d still hear humans mentioning it as a “foolproof” way to spot a Vampire. 

Looking back down at the floor where the files were, you slowly sat down in front of them to start reading. Unsurprisingly, a file with your name on it was sitting on top. The first page to greet you after you opened it was a basic summary page of you. Standard stats like your name, hair color, eye color, height, age, presumed birth place, etc. The rest of the file consisted of multiple stories about you from over the centuries you lived. Places you had settled in, Nests you had been a part of, but most of it was…inaccurate at best. Or at least, whoever had gathered this information had the right idea, but most of the details were wrong. This didn’t bother you, because they didn’t need to know your real business anyway, but it was so funny to you how they tried their best and still came up short. 

One detail did catch your eye when you flipped back to the first page, at the bottom of the paper in the same scribble from the post-its were the words:

Favorite color: Purple. 

You were so engrossed in reading “about” yourself that you didn’t even hear the water shut off, or the bathroom door open. You didn’t hear the skipping heartbeat behind you, or the slow footsteps making their way over. But when you felt the floor creak next to you, and a gentle thump as your hunter sat down, that's when you looked up and turned your head towards him. His knee was so close to yours that you could feel the heat coming off of his damp skin, his leg hair gently brushing against your own knee. He was dressed similarly to you, boxers and a t-shirt. His curls were still damp and not as poofy. Once again he looked so…normal. There was worry written all over his features, as if he was bracing himself for your reaction. 

“You actually wrote that my favorite color was purple?” The way his shoulders visibly relaxed when he realized you weren’t upset at it was adorable. 

“Could be useful information, you never know.” 

“It would suck if I had just been fucking with you and it wasn’t actually purple.”

Joshs eyes went wide and he started to reach for the file, which you snatched away from him and held it above you, “is it not…?”

You laughed at him, “no Boy Scout, it is, but my age is wrong.” 

“It is?”

“Yep. I turn exactly 350 this year. Well, 325 if you don’t count my human years.”

His brows furrowed inquisitively, “You were 25 when you were turned?”

“A full quarter century of living in the sun, yes.” 

“Do you miss it?”

You hummed at him, “miss what?”

“The sun?”

“I miss when it wasn’t trying to burn me alive, but sunny days themselves? No. It took awhile to adjust to being completely nocturnal but it is what it is.” You shrugged and looked over the file again, “who put this together anyway? Did you?”

Josh shook his head, “no, my little brother Sam gets all the credit for these,” he waved his hand at the rest of the files. “He handles the bulk of our intelligence. The kid always has his nose in a book or on the internet researching things. It was his idea to start a file system. He was tired of flipping through journals and books and wanted a centralized system that he spent a week locked in the basement consolidating information not only in physical files but he digitized it as well.”

You held back a snicker, “well…no offense to Sam…but most of this is wrong. But I’m ok with that. The less your family knows about my history, the better.” 

He smiled and leaned closer to you, letting your shoulders touch, smiling, “he didn’t even know I took these…he left me a pissy voicemail earlier when he realized he had files missing.”

You laughed softly, “Whoops.” Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed black markings on his right thigh, peeking out from under his boxers. “Is that a tattoo?”

Josh looked down at his leg and back up at you, before pulling up the leg of his boxers far enough to show you the mark in question. It was a triangle with a circle in the center, criss crossed with different lines. It wasn’t a small mark by any means, it took up a substantial amount of space on the top of his thigh. “Sort of…”

“What do you mean?”

Josh took a breath and answered, “it's a sigil…to prevent Vampires from using their Persuasion on me.”

Goddamnit, Les was right again. 

“How the fuck did you get a Witch to give you that?”

“My brother Jake has this Witch friend. She’s been a friend of the family for a couple years now and after a while she came to him with these to help us out.” Josh explained it so matter of fact, but your eyebrows raised nearly to your hairline at this information. 

Witches and Vampires weren’t exactly friends…but there was typically a mutual respect between supernatural creatures. Generally, Witches trusted humans about as much as Vampires did, and while friendships weren’t unheard of, a Witch going out of her way to help out a hunter? That was…that was a betrayal. You started to spiral at how wrong that was, until you looked up Josh, and remembered you’re wearing a hunters clothes, sitting in a hunters apartment, after using said hunters shower. It wasn’t the same…but it wasn’t that much different either. You did question what it was about Jake that made the Witch essentially betray her own kind to help him. 

Before you could stop yourself, you reached out and gently traced some of the lines of the sigil. The silence was deafening, and his eyes never left your hand. The muscles in his thigh felt firm, especially when they tensed under your touch. It looked like a regular tattoo, but there was a heat in the ink. You had seen sigils a few times over the years, mainly on Witches themselves, but you had never touched one. Not like this. You didn’t realize the marks felt…alive almost, as if they were living in the skin of their hosts. 

“Do you feel that all the time?”

Joshs skin felt like it was on fire, but for an entirely different reason. He wanted to answer your question, but words were escaping him. He could only focus on steadying his breathing while your fingers lightly traced his skin. 

You heard it again, his heart hammering in his chest, and it spurred you on to trail your fingers up to the top of the triangle. He was so easy to mess with. His skin was so soft? 

Goddamnit, focus.

You snatched your hand away from his thigh and turned your attention back to the files, sifting through the others. 

Josh was a mess of conflicting emotions, still watching you like a hawk while he barely moved. But finally he spoke, “to answer your question…yeah…I feel it all the time.” 

You wanted to look over, look at him again, but you didn’t allow yourself to do so. Silence filled the room once more. You needed to change the subject. 

“Dimitri is super picky about humans being turned, Monica probably didn’t want him to see how Ethan was acting last night.” 

Right, back to business, Josh thought. “He’s a walking liability. I don’t think she was telling the truth at all about how long it had been since their last “incident. But does Dimitri have any actual say over who gets turned and who doesn’t?”

“It's not like…an actual rule, but he is the oldest Vampire in this area. It's more of an unsaid agreement out of respect. He rarely turns people himself, but he’ll string along humans for years on the promise of it, before setting them loose with no memory of him at all,” you explained. 

“If that’s the case then it was pretty stupid of your friend to bring him around, especially to the Den of all places,” Josh countered.

You nodded in agreement, “definitely but I think Monica was trying to be…normal. I’ve known her for a long time and she’s always been pretty lonely.”

“Lonely enough to turn the first human to look at her twice?”

You turned to look at him, “it happens.” Josh opened his mouth to ask another question but you cut him off, “...no I have not considered doing the same.” 

Another beat of silence.

Josh reached over to grab the post-it notepad on the floor and a pen. He scribbled Monica and Ethans names and slapped the post-it on an empty spot on the wall.

“Do you think she’d be du-...naive enough to bring him back to the Den any time soon?”

“You want to go back?” You were surprised at the suggestion.

“It's not like I want to go back…but I do want to hear more about these “incidents” she mentioned, and they ran off before we could ask any real questions.” 

You chewed on your lip, “knowing her, she’d go back.”

“Tonight?”

“You want to go back tonight?”

Josh shrugged, “the faster we get more information, the faster we can figure this out,” his hand waved at the wall. Truthfully, he just wanted to get this out of the way before his brother showed up and threw a wrench into his plans. 

You blinked and considered it. “Fine, but as soon as the sun sets I’m out of here to go get ready at my place. Can’t show up wearing the same thing as last night, can I?”

Josh nodded in agreement, “deal.”

The yawn you had been fighting finally escaped you. You needed sleep, especially if you had a long night ahead of you. 

Josh jumped up and immediately went over to his bed, “if you umm…need to sleep, you can sleep here. I can take the couch.” 

You stood up and walked over and looked at the bed. Of course he’d have the standard navy blue plaid bedding. But it looked…comfortable. The mere existence of a real bed frame was a plus. “Ok…but you don’t have to sleep on that rickety couch. The bed is big enough to share.”

He donned the most skeptical look you’ve ever seen him make, “the couch is fine.”

“That couch is held together by duct tape and a wish. I know how fragile human backs are. I don’t need you hobbling around the Den because you slept funky.” 

“Fine.”

“Fine.” 

Without another word, you slipped into his bed. Josh wanted to point out that you were technically on his side, but he decided against it. It was just one night, or day? It would be fine. He climbed in on the other side, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore how close you were. You also were looking at the ceiling, refusing to look over at him. All you needed was a nap before you began your night. No big deal. 

“Good night.”

“Night,” you rolled over and clicked off the lamp, throwing that end of the apartment into darkness. Well, as dark as it could be in the middle of the day with the blinds shut. 

Sleep came for both of you pretty quickly, the exhaustion of the previous night and the walk to his apartment this morning taking its toll. 

~!~

You weren’t sure how long you slept, but the next time you opened your eyes the apartment was substantially darker than when you had fallen asleep. The second thing you noticed was an arm firmly wrapped around your waist. Josh. Shit. You started to reach down to peel his arm off of you when the arm in question suddenly tightened up and nearly yanked you backwards. What the hell? The next thing you heard was Josh mumbling in his sleep. You couldn’t understand what he was saying, but he sounded pissed. Carefully, you rolled over to face him. His eyes were screwed shut, brows deeply furrowed. His grip around your waist tightened further, and his legs started to kick. Was he having a nightmare? Oh no. The mumbling continued, and you still couldn’t understand what he was saying. 

“Get the fuck-,” was clear as day coming from his lips. 

Using your strength, You pushed him on his back and hovered over his face. He had your t-shirt balled up in his fist against your back. Softly, you reached up and gently touched his cheek, his jaw twitching under your touch. 

“Josh…Josh, wake up.” That didn’t work, and he continued to squirm underneath you. “Come on Josh, you gotta wake up. You’re having a nightmare…,” you tapped his face a little harder. “Boy Scout…wake up.” The sweat was beading up on his forehead, his breath coming out in harsh puffs. You hated seeing him like this. Reaching for his shoulders this time, you began to lightly shake him, gradually increasing the force as you did so. 

After what seemed like an eternity, his eyes shot open. Immediately, he seemed confused, as if he wasn’t sure where he was. He looked up at you, and the hand that was gripping your t-shirt flexed against your back. 

“Hey…it's ok…it's me,” you shushed him quietly. 

He sprang away from you, sitting up against his head board, still trying to get his bearings. You used this as an opportunity to flick on the light, returning to face him. 

His eyes still seemed a little lost, as if he was still trying to wake himself up and plant himself in reality. “What…what time is it?”

You looked over your shoulder at the clock on the nightstand, 7:38 PM flashed in red letters. “About twenty-to-eight. Nighttime.” 

He nodded slowly while running his hands over his face. “You should umm…you should probably head home then. To get ready.” 

“Are you ok? Do you want to talk-”

“I’m fine. It was just a nightmare.” His voice was stiff and cold. He didn’t want to talk about it, or acknowledge his bad dream at all. They were common for him, nothing to worry about. 

“You don’t seem fine,” your voice was laced with concern.

“I’m fine,” he snapped. He hadn’t used that tone with you since the other night in the park. 

Nodding, you got out of bed and began to gather your things. You peeked outside one of the windows. It wasn’t super dark yet, but it was dark enough that you could make it home without any problems. 

Josh hadn’t moved from his spot in his bed, but he was watching you move around his apartment gathering your things. You were leaving, but he would see you later tonight. He just…he needed to be alone right now. Your dress was draped over your arm, your heels in your hand and you were almost to the door before he sprung out of his bed. He wasn’t a complete douche, he’d get the door for you. As he reached for the doorknob he looked down and saw you didn’t have any real shoes to walk home in. 

“You can’t just-” he grumbled to himself before turning around and marching back to his bedroom and scooping up a well-worn pair of Birkenstocks and a zip-up hoodie. He almost let you leave without shoes. He felt even worse now. 

“Here, I think your feet have been messed up enough for one day,” he said as he met you back at the door and gently set the Birks in front of you to step in. It was the least he could do, but the thoughtful gesture struck you anyway. You eyed him for a second before slipping your feet into them and surprisingly, the size wasn’t too far off from your own. When your feet were secured he handed the jacket to you. You started to protest but he cut you off, “I don’t care if Vampires can’t get cold, you’re taking it.” 

You smiled softly at your hunter. You were just as worried about him. Did he have nightmares that bad all the time? How often? What were they about? You hated that he wouldn’t let you truly help, but you understood it. It's not easy to open up about something as personal as dreams. Your hand gently brushed his as he handed the jacket to you, and you slipped it on silently as you continued to look at him.

“Thanks Josh…,” the sheepishness in your voice was foreign to you, but you didn’t mind it. 

  “I’ll uhh…I’ll see you tonight. Same time?”

“Same tree?”

Josh nodded, “same tree.” 

“See you soon, Boy Scout.” 

With that you turned and started going down the winding stairs, a little sad when you heard the door shut behind you. But that was ok, you had a few hours before you’d see him again. As you landed on the third floor, you caught the eye of one of Josh’s neighbors in the hallway. The old man looked you up and down, noticing your attire, before glancing up at the stairs behind you. He turned to open his own door, muttering, “good for him…,” before disappearing into his apartment. 

Oh god, you rolled your eyes and beelined out of the building, needing to get home to get ready for your next exciting evening at Dimitri’s Blood Den.

~!~

This time when the two of you descended the stairs into the Den, you were ready. The game plan was more solid this time, as Josh knew what to expect. Instead of going towards the booths, you opted for one of the antique couches in the middle of the room, where you could have an even better vantage point. 

You sat next to your hunter, about to get up and go to the bar for a drink when he turned to you and said, “A-Negative Manhattan, right?” 

His assertiveness caught you off guard, but you liked seeing him more settled into your world. You nearly beamed at him and said, “of course, thank you.” He nodded before getting up and going up to the bar to order your drink. 

When you had met up in the park earlier, he hadn’t spoken that much. He seemed fine, but you could tell something was bothering him. You decided against asking him if he wanted to talk about the nightmare, or how he had tangled himself up with you in the process, in favor of keeping it light and “work” related. 

Josh was still at the bar waiting for your drink when you spotted Monica and Ethan come down the stairs. Relief flooded through you that they had showed up so quickly, and you made a big show of waving them over to sit on the couch opposite of yours. It was when they sat down that you noticed they had a human girl with them tonight.

“Who is this?” you feigned interest in their new companion. 

“Oh this is Rachael! We found her earlier tonight,” Monica replied brightly. Rachael had a dreamy expression on her face. She had definitely been Persuaded to be there. Tale as old as time. Ethan was seated between Rachael and Monica, and it made you nervous. 

You were snapped out of your reverie when a familiar cocktail was held in front of you. You took it eagerly and looked up at Josh while he sat down beside you. For the briefest of moments, the gesture felt so…normal. You were afraid of even thinking of the word domestic, but it was right there, begging to be dreamed about. 

“Oh my god you did end up keeping this one!” Monica squawked from her couch. 

“What can I say? He was too pretty to let go,” you mused, playing your part. At least you thought you were just playing long. You reached up and gave a playful pinch to his chin, which earned you a look from Josh, but you could see him fighting a smile. 

At the sight of Josh, Ethan snapped his attention from Rachael and zeroed in on the hunter. What was it about Josh that Ethan was so fascinated by? A thought occurred to you, that typically new vampires' sense of smell was especially heightened as they got used to their existence. Being able to suddenly smell blood was an indescribable experience. It was too complex to be merely described as a new type of food. The first feed one has after they’re turned is a complete out of body experience. Human psychedelics don’t even come close to how your brain warps and rewires itself in real time. In that regard, you almost pitied Ethan in his clear lack of control. It's often said that not every human is meant to be turned. It isn’t cut out for everyone. The same could be said for other supernatural creatures who have the ability to turn humans into their own kind. Someone could be a complete disaster of a Vampire, but an incredible Werewolf. But no one ever knows for sure until it happens. Until their precious human lives are completely dismantled and changed. Until their very DNA is unrecognizable. 

You wondered if Ethan was literally smelling Josh, and that's why he was acting the way he was. It was a thought you had refused to allow yourself to have. Any thought of tasting him died when you learned he was a hunter. Even when Dimitri had his teeth in him, you were more worried about his well being than what kind of snack he’d be. But what was it Dimitri said? That his blood tasted…spicy? Was he being literal? Was he just fucking with him? 

“I want him.” Ethan blurted out. 

Monica leaned over and shushed him, “no Ethan, he’s her Human Companion tonight…you have Rachael.” 

“She can share,” he gritted out. You felt Josh stiffen next to you. No. You weren’t allowing this to happen again. You took a long sip of your Manhattan, giving Monica a warning look. One hand gripped your glass, the other reached across Josh’s lap and planted itself on his right thigh. You could feel the subtle heat of the sigil through the fabric of his pants. 

Ethan grew restless in his seat, completely abandoning Rachael and turning his full attention to Josh. Monica threw you a pleading look, as if she was hoping you’d relent and let him have a taste, but you refused. Dimitri might have not given a shit about pleasantries, but he was older than you, and had more authority, and honestly intimidated the hell out of you. Monica? Not so much. She was younger than you by nearly 200 years. She was a toddler in comparison. 

Setting your drink down on the coffee table between the couches, you kept your glare steady on Ethan. Your hand moved from Josh’s thigh to his wrist, you gently rubbed your thumb over the veins and tendons. A visual reminder that if anyone was feeding from him, it was going to be you. 

Monica looked visibly panicked, “if you just let him have a taste he’ll be fine I promise…” 

“No. He’s mine.”

Josh turned to you, trying to silently give you a signal. He didn’t want to whisper to you and risk Monica, or worse, Ethan overhearing what he was saying. In the last two days, he had come to realize he had known far less about Vampires than he previously thought, but he could see a struggle for dominance when he saw one. He didn’t want a repeat of last night just as much as you did, and at this point, there was only one way to make sure that didn’t happen. 

Making eye contact with you, he slowly turned his neck to the side, offering it to you. If he was going to get fed on, by you especially, he wanted the real deal. He didn’t want his wrist used as a straw. If you were going to feed on him, you were going to feed on him. 

You saw what he was offering, and your eyes locked with his, making sure you understood him correctly. With the slightest nod, you got your answer. You threw a side eye to Monica and Ethan, it was your time to shine. At this, you took a deep breath and allowed yourself to truly inhale Josh’s scent. God, you thought. You had caught a faint whiff of him in the alley, when he was distracting you with that kiss, but this was so different. There was something bright about his scent, citrusy, clean, a hint of vanilla? It was delicious, and it was about to be yours. 

With a steady hand, you tilted his jaw to the side a little more, giving yourself better access. Nearly raising yourself to your knees on the couch, you leaned in close to his neck. Your breath fanned over his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. The one good thing about Dimitri feeding on him the night before was that he had more of a clue as to what he was in for. He thought he did, at least. He cast his eyes down towards you, your fangs descended from your upper jaw, and he realized just how well they suited you. Like they were made to be part of you, as if you were born for this. 

You gave him one last look of reassurance, before lowering your teeth to his skin. You huffed out a final breath against his neck, before your fangs finally began piercing his skin. It was quick, and the familiar burn started at the puncture wounds. But that wasn’t the best part. No…when your lips sealed themselves against his skin around the punctures, and you took that first true pull of his blood? His eyes instantly rolled back. Whatever your technique, if you could call it a technique, you used was so drastically different than Dimitri. This time, being fed on didn’t feel “weird”, it felt…good. This time, the way his blood went backwards against its natural current, it was invigorating. He felt his veins come alive. With each subsequent pull from you, he felt like he was floating higher and higher. Your hand shifted from his jaw to the other side of his neck, pulling him even closer. 

As for you, the second his blood hit your tongue you were moaning against his neck. You were right, the citrus notes, the undercurrent of vanilla, but the aftertaste was strong, and oh so Josh. You needed more of him. It felt like a privilege to feed on him, you would forever rue the day that Demitri got to be the first Vampire to taste him. He didn’t deserve that honor. But something in the back of your mind wanted to make sure you were the last Vampire to ever feed on him. There was no one else in the room in your mind other than Josh. You were so focused on his taste that you almost didn’t notice his arm snaking around your waist, pulling you to straddle his lap. Immediately you complied and settled yourself onto his thighs, your arms wrapping themselves around his neck. The growing bulge underneath you almost made you pause your feeding. It made you smile against his skin when you realized he was enjoying himself. Instinctively you grinded down against him, delighting in the moan that rattled his throat against your teeth. His hands moved to your hips and pulled them down even harder against him, gripping your hips so hard that would’ve left bruises on a human woman. But you weren’t fragile like that, you could take it, whatever he had to offer, you would take it no questions asked. 

You had been latched onto him for a while at this point, and you still had enough wits about you to listen to his heart rate. It was beginning to slow down, which was your cue that his body had enough. For now. With the slightest reluctance, you withdrew your fangs from his neck. You couldn’t resist going back, licking the excess blood around the puncture wounds, cleaning up your mess. With a flurry, you pricked your finger with your teeth to draw enough blood to heal the wounds. When they started to close up, you raised your head to look him in the eyes. Those big brown eyes, nearly black now with blown out pupils. He looked completely blissed out, and it was all because of you. 

You felt his blood dripping from the corners of your mouth, and you could feel it smeared all over your chin. Before you could push any excess back into your mouth, Josh’s hands reached up and pulled your face to crash against his. Oh god, you thought once again. The feeling of his lips against yours made you grind down on him again, and he moaned into your mouth, which gave you access to slide your tongue against his. You still had blood in your mouth, and even if he was human and not getting the full scope of how good it was, he was getting a taste of not only you, but himself. One of his hands was tangled in your hair, the other slid down to grip your ass underneath your skirt. You were vaguely aware you were causing a scene, even if enthusiastic feedings were considered the norm, the private rooms existed for a reason, and you were quickly approaching the territory of needing one. 

With the both of you wrapped up in each other, you weren’t aware of how the music changed, how the live pianist took their post at the piano bench, playing a familiar melody. You didn’t see Dimitri and Yvonne enter the room. You didn’t see how Dimitri was watching you both, an unreadable smile on his face. You especially didn’t see Yvonne’s hard stare, wheels turning in her head.

You pulled off to let Josh breathe, and you opened your eyes to stare down at him. His blood was all over his face, all in his goatee, his mustache, even dipped in his cheek scar. He looked so fucking beautiful that way, with his hooded, blissed out eyes. You wanted, no you needed all of him.

“Do you want to get out of here?” 

“My place is closer,” he breathed out. Of course, and this time you didn’t have to fight the sun to get there. The night was still young. 

You smiled and slid off of him reluctantly, reaching out to help him off the couch. As he rose to his full height, he intertwined his fingers with yours.

 Leaning in to whisper in his ear, “lead the way, Boy Scout…”

He smirked at you before leading you through the various groups of people, through an empty private room, and up the stairs to the street. This time only moonlight greeted you at the second landing, the chilly night air washing over the both of you as you went back to that cozy attic apartment you hadn’t wanted to leave hours prior. 

Maybe it was the blood talking, but you didn’t want this high to ever end. 

To be continued…

Tag List: @lightmylove-gvf , @dannyandthekiszkas , @gretasmokerising , @sinners-go-to-drink-the-wine , @wideminded-dreamer , @runwayblues , @wildbluesorbit , @llightmyllovee , @rhythm-of-space , @sacredthefran , @writingcold , @alwaysonthemend , @wetkleenex-gvf , @josh-iamyour-mama , @lightsofthe-living-gvf , @gvfcinema , @sacredthethreadgvf , @losfacedevil , @jakekiszkasbuttsweat , @shutupdevvie , @hearts-hunger , @gretavanfleetposts , @ascendingtostardust , @mackalah , @andromeda-raine-gvf , @jake-kiszkas-smirk , @gracev0609 , @sacredjake ,

[kottkrig]

To Embrace The Shadow: Prologue

Three members of the Cult of Forgotten Shadows have to cope with the sudden loss of their beloved mentor, and they come to realize just how dependent they were on her. They refuse to believe that she is gone forever, and choose to investigate the mysterious circumstances of her demise.

World of Warcraft | Original Characters

Light Angst | Found Family | Character Death

-----------------------------

A few days had passed since the fall of the Shadow Mother. Her demise was abrupt, and left the undead nested under her wing in a state of disorder. When holy flames reduced her to ashes, those she protected were vulnerable to vultures in the sun, and when the Light caught them wandering without her, it blistered relentlessly.

Things in Deathknell moved on, as they always did for people who had seen countless days of loss. The Forsaken faced death every day when they looked one another in the eye. Names greater than Mother Lucretia Corentine had passed on before her, and their legacy was etched in stone above their final resting places. You honored them, you mourned them, and then you moved on. This was the necessary conclusion when death was always found around the corner. But for the Shadow Mother’s three disciples, Lafayette, Zala and Cletus, grief was stuck at the stage of denial. It might have been the shock over her defeat, still, but something wasn’t sitting right with the trio. Their mentor was one of the few Forsaken whose magic enabled her to transcend death itself; through ruthless discipline, she managed to escape the rotten vessel she was confined to and make herself a living shadow. Mother Lucretia’s mastery of their doctrine crowned her as one of the Cult of Forgotten Shadow’s leading Dark Clerics. Ascendants like her were practically unkillable, and yet… Other Dark Clerics passed them by as if the one thing they had to make room for in their schedule was her eventual funeral rites. After that, the puppets she left unstringed were responsible for themselves. The cult’s upper echelons could be cutthroat; even if they supported one another, if one of them was destroyed, there was nothing more to be said. Mother Lucretia’s failure was underestimating their third and most dangerous tenet – Power – and the man who defeated her had more of it than she did. Sister Zala was the one who saw everything. The undead night elf was at the forefront during the conflict, and although she and everyone else escaped back to Deathknell, it had sent her into hysterics. She screamed and sprinted into the woods, leaving her Brothers to face the grim news alone. When she returned, they let her into their arms to weep over their loss. The two Brothers weren’t present, but they sensed the severance. All four of their minds were magically connected – a perk agreed upon when they became disciples of a Dark Cleric – and they knew something was wrong when the link was suddenly cut. They were not warriors, but it pained them to know that they couldn’t be there to defend her, or even see the face of her bane. The man who struck her down was a zealous preacher and the leader of an opposing denomination of cultists. Him and his ilk were being hunted by the Shadow’s agents to stop their Light from causing more ruin.

Lafayette, Zala and Cletus knew the Forgotten Shadow and its tenets intimately. Respect , Tenacity and Power encouraged the undead to embrace the darkness around them, and to embody the will of the Forsaken in the face of adversity. As every cultist’s path was unique and one of their own choosing, the three decided that their next direction was to investigate what exactly happened to the Shadow Mother.

[cyanidedrinkers]

Forgive me father for i have sinned.

A PriceGraves religious guilt fanfic. Tw: Religious guilt, Religious Trauma, Mentions of homophobia, accidental self-harm, Graves has a mental breakdown- Graves loved his Shadow's, They were like family to him and because they were his family he did everything in his power to make them comfortable. One of the major ways he does this is by taking the time to research their religions and adjusting accordingly. During Ramadan Graves tracks who's fasting and makes sure to have the night crew make food for those breaking fast. He keeps Kosher meals on hand at all times and special orders MRE'S for those in the field so they still get fed and don't have to go against their religion. All around base there are rooms for those who need to pray through out the day. He special orders uniforms for those who cant wear what is provided due to their religion, and assigns special roles for those who refuse to handle a gun but still wish to serve. All he asks is that he is informed ahead of time when someone needs to fast, take off for holidays, or pray so he can provide the support they need. If the company ever gets deployed around Saudi Arabia Graves asks around to see who would like to make their journey to the Kaaba. There's a small church area on the base for those to go to throughout the day and designated times for people to go attend service. He even provides custom helmets for those who decide to wear Hijabs or Kippah's and takes feed back on how to make them comfier.

Growing up in the south Graves was raised Catholic, His mother and father were very prominent at the church and so was little Phillip. He went to lent, ash Wednesday, attended church every Sunday, participated in dinner every Wednesday, learned old Latin so he can read the older versions of the bible, went to Catholic schools, he even prayed at every meal and before bed. His religion was sacred to him, It was an important part of his life growing up and so he strives to make others comfortable too. His love for his god tends to backfire though. After his betrayal of the 141 and Los Vaqueros he spent a whole week locked in his room praying and begging for forgiveness. His cross clutched so tightly in his hands that it left bruises and made that spot tender to the touch. Shadow's had stationed themselves outside the door to make sure he was safe but the cries coming from his room were those of pain and terror as he begged for forgiveness and to wash away his sin from his unholy body. It took nearly 3 months for him to get back to normal and when he did he got the worse news possible. "Due to the nature of this mission I'll be assigning 141 to help you. It'll be easier for them to stay on your base so clear out some space." Laswell stated firmly. Less then 24 hours ago Graves was hit with this news, He was scared to say the least. The 141...Staying with the shadows? How would he break it to his boys-, And girls, That the people who killed their teammates, lovers, and friends would be staying with them for god knows how long. Graves ran a hand over his face, His eyes threatening to close and his knees sore from sitting down all day from doing the paperwork for the 141's arrival. What he really wanted was to crack a beer open and watch the afternoon PT be done, He loved watching the new trainees get too cocky with their superior then bicker and moan as they were made to run laps. It brought him back to days were things were easy and he didn't have to worry about anything other then what their NCO was going to do to them. Pushing himself up and out of his chair with a loud groan Graves collected his things and set out to break the news to his shadows. The sun was just setting over the horizon as he took his first step out into the real world. The air smelled like a mixture of sweat, heat, dirt, and....rain? With a quick glance up at the clouds and a curse under his breath Graves made his way to the mess hall. "That stupid weather man said it wouldn't rain for another two days" He whined under his breath as he kicked a rock Infront of him, Repeating this action intel he eventually lost it. "Smells like damn rain to me, The clouds are white as snow but i just know it by the smell" His mumbling and grumbling to himself continued till he made it inside, It caught the eye of some shadows as he passed by them but they shrugged it off as him being hangry or a meeting gone wrong.

Once inside Graves was greeted by the waves and smiling faces of his Shadows, Some ran up to him and started asking how he was and if he was busy today because he didn't make his rounds like he normally does. Graves just smiled and made small talk intel everyone sat down. It was fairly easy to get everyone's attention when he needed it.

He stood and cleared his throat, Graves had prepared to yell over all the noise but the sound of silence washed over the mess hall as he stood and nothing but clattering forks could he heard as the attention was on him.

"Well that was easier than i remember-" He smiles to himself, He's still got it.

"It is with uttermost disappoint that i inform you that the 141 will be staying with us-" Groans and yelling cut him off. His shadows like small children sometimes, They whined and one person let out a very loud "NOOOOOO" which was met by laughter and agreement.

"I know we haven't been the best of friends with them but i expect you all to treat them with respect and to NOT, I repeat, NOT disrespect them in anyway OR steal their stuff." Graves hisses out, He aims that last part at a Shadow not to far away from him who's known for stealing things from people she dislikes.

This gets a unsatisfied groan from her but understanding nods from everyone else, And with that Graves grabs himself some dinner and goes back to his quarters for the night.

Once his meal is done and he finally shuts down his laptop Graves changes into a simple T-shirt and sweats. He removes the cross necklace from around his neck, takes off his socks and gets on his knees at the foot of his bed. His hands, Grasping the cross that lays so perfectly across his hands, and closes his eyes as he bows his head.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Please, Allow these next few days to go well. Allow sin and hatred to not come in-between our mission and deliver my children back to me safely. Give me strength to push through and give strength to those who will have to see the faces of those who killed their loves, friends, and brothers in arms. Allow nothing but peace between the two companies lord. Amen"

Graves stays there for a few more seconds before standing up and setting his necklace at the bedside table. As he gets into bed and drifts into sleep he can't help but have that same gruff voice pop up in his head, Those calloused hands, the smell of cigars, it all swarms his mind intel he finally falls asleep....

That was part one :) if ya'll liked it let me know and I'll probably continue it- I had to do a lot of research so i apologize if everything isn't correct- I'm Agnostic, Former Christian, and don't know very much but I'm trying.

[writingmochi]

cast: alt kid!soobin ✗ fashion student/designer!fem.reader

synopsis: after soobin's encounter with a person from his original timeline, he experiences doubts if he can settle in this new timeline or not. his alienation and existentialism take a spin in a new world he has to figure out himself, or if he could be courageous enough to ask you to guide him down back to the surface

genre: coming of age, slice of life, friends with benefits au, college/university au, angst, fluff, mature content (drug consumption and explicit smut)

based on: music radiohead's "subterranean homesick alien" (1997) (genre: alternative rock) and my yeonjun series time wave (2021-2022). i recommend reading the series first to know about the world!

word count: 52756 (52.7k)

warning(s): nudity, drug consumption (alcohol, cigarette) and mention of consuming other drugs (heroin), fighting and mentions of bruises and blood, shotgun smoke, blackmailing, implications of suicide, mentions of minor characters' deaths and car accidents, mention of broken home (divorced parents), explicit sex, unprotected sex (safety first!), messy and emotional sex, oral job (m & f receiving), handjob (m & f receiving), marking, squirting, manhandling, creampie (if there is something that i forgot, let me know!)

message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

it's been a year since i posted the last part of the series and i'm here to fulfil my promise to tell soobin's side and how is it going with him. this is also part of @aduh0308's collab "23 days with soobin" so do check the others out~ and also part of my milestone open collab "discover: 200"! thank you for the support for time wave and for the blog! hope you enjoy and sorry for the delay!!! soobin's canon appearance! ps. (l/n) = last name :3

playlist | part of the frequency modulation anthology

when soobin looks up, panting and sweating, all he can see is the shaded white ceiling from where he is laying.

his puffy tired eyes peer at the almost empty void with lights coming from outside the window across him. the sheer curtain lets the necessary amount to come in whilst the humming from the air conditioner adds to the whole ambience. the moonlight and streetlights shine the dark side of the world in tandem, waiting for the sun to take charge and light the day. yet the tinge of yellow light from the combination is the one that catches his attention. it’s in a lighter tint, but it reminds him of a vision he hasn’t gotten for a long time.

the burning heat that kisses his skin as he sees everything go up in flames. all the greenery at the higher topography engulfs into ashes behind him as even the sea reflects the red and orange fire.

soobin shakes his head to get rid of the vision. but when returning to his current state, he can feel the restraints that tell his body, “not yet. don’t go to sleep yet.“

full of the desire to rest, his gaze slowly fades into nothingness when he finally realizes the metaphorical glass box surrounding him. the box that only allows him to study the room before him; not wanting to interact with it as he doesn’t want to watch his hand go through any item he touches. he looks around throughout the dim yet lively room. a fashion mannequin standing in one corner with pins sticking into the body to let a sheet of fabric stick—its bottom end sways underneath the blowing air conditioner. a group of tall wardrobes that he can imagine have an abundance of clothes inside them. the desk where a small sewing machine is resting alongside stacks of books about design and fashion. the messy floor where clothes lay above the circle-shaped carpet, his included.

his gaze moves to the comforter that rested on his lap. the chilly atmosphere of the room fighting his body heat that had risen as he moves his head on the fluffy pillow. the bed sheets crinkle from movements on the bed as he eyes to the side where there is a wall of collages of outfit designs and models on a catwalk. the other side of the small bed.

beside him, a figure lies still as the comforter rests above their torso. rising and falling following their breathing self facing the wall. soobin’s hand rested behind them, skin-to-skin contact making shivers running down his nerves as he could see the hickeys he placed on their collarbones. the small glimpse of their shoulder shows the small five-sided star tattoo that he also has, remembering what it was like when he tattooed it on the body and how they then tattooed it on his own body. the first time they try tattooing someone.

the only tattoo on your body.

he wanted to rest his hand against you once again, just like the whole of tonight that he spent with you in lust and pleasure—finally getting what he wanted when he arrived at your room uncalled yesterday. you let him, especially with the fast response, as he pleasures you into tomorrow, hammering you into your mattress while he litters down the hickeys on your collarbones from behind. his eyes seeing your bare face self in all its imperfections moaning for him, though it’s perfect to him. but even looking into your eyes from the side profile, he had noticed something different. yet, it’s not as mind-bending as the one you gave from two days back. from you who aren’t the (y/n) he knows.

it’s (y/n) but more timid, closed off, and awkward. yet, there’s determination in her eyes as she arrives at somewhere she should not be. the girl who seems to know more about him than the one who was wrapped in his arms tonight. she who mentioned a boy’s name he hadn’t thought of for a long time.

(y/n) from another timeline. his original timeline.

he remembers the girl describing what happened in her timeline ever since his disappearance. how soobin hurts the only person who cared for him and how she finds him broken when she arrives back in haeyang. yeonjun had mentioned someone named (y/n) before to him back in high school. the way he describes her, she was his childhood best friend before she moved away right after his mother’s passing. two peas in a pod who are always sticking with each other before one of them leaves.

soobin and yeonjun’s friendship started when they both shared a table together in their first year of middle school. the boy had an intimidating face all the time and soobin didn’t even try to befriend him because of it. little did he know how his terrible childhood made him connect with the boy more than he expected—other than the same last name, making soobin wonder if he is related to yeonjun from a line of ancestors somewhere. yet he didn’t expect the connection to be as deep as this. he didn’t expect the (y/n) he’s in a situationship with to be the same (y/n) yeonjun is friends with. even with the differing timelines, as he also knew from talking to you, that you lived in haeyang before.

but in this timeline, yeonjun’s mom didn’t pass away; creating a chain reaction that affects the boy, you, and soobin himself. how it affects all three’s futures. all because of a change from one power set.

the power to control time.

when he gained a power that made the alternate version of you cross timelines; he spent weeks training it as best as he could. even with the uncertain consequences that come with it and the threatening vision he got before getting the power.

for him, it started with a terrifying vision of a forest fire burning haeyang down as he was stuck in the middle of a street covered in blaze, trying to escape the rotting building and dense clouds of smoke to, at least, the coastline before his clothes caught a lick of the fire.

then, he jumped up awake in his bedroom when his eyes landed on the toga hanged on the door handle, on the day of his high school graduation. he activates his power when rewinding time with just an open palm and the right mindset as he gets his fallen lunch back into his arms. a few seconds ago, it was on its way to stain his robe and his dad’s old suit he still kept. that day is printed in his mind. he remembered he still had silvery-blue hair when he met up with yeonjun’s electric pink-haired self wearing his own toga and bringing his own lunch as they both searched somewhere to eat together before the ceremony. the day that he can finally taste the freedom after getting out of the k-12 system.

yet in those weeks too, because of his powers, he scoured more books and files than he ever did for school. ever since he learned about yeonjun’s mom passing away in a car accident here, it reminded him of his own parents’ deaths here too. he had spent his time wanting to find out more about the similitude, but life was too difficult for him to face with the incoming abusive attitudes of his aunt and uncle and the school stress. because of them, he gets his relaxation through the rock music he and yeonjun enjoy and so many youthful delinquent things that paint his teenage years in a much better light; even still marking him to this day. it pushes the thoughts of connecting the pieces into the back of his mind.

that is until he had much free time after graduation, while also training his powers, which reminded him of his small project to connect the dots. with more research, he found out that the similarities even go to the same intersection; the difference is the three people died on the latter—the driver also—while yeonjun’s mom died in a hit-and-run. soobin can’t shake the resemblances as he turns to the archive online and offline of the incident, spending his time in the public library looking at newspapers and a closed case file when he finds out the catalyst tying the two incidents.

the car that caused three innocent people to die.

the driver became a raging alcoholic because of something happening in their life before the incident where his parents became victims, according to the witnesses from family members to neighbors written in the case file. the police can’t catch the license plate number from when yeonjun’s mom died of the incident—it’s not as surveyed as now with the many cctv cameras. but his 10-year-old self can. he was there when it happened. the sedan’s red exterior paint catches his eye even when he sees it scurried from the intersection he and his dad are at as he watches a swarm of people flood the streets and circle the expanding pool of crimson—some were running to catch the fleeting car as he heard people’s frantic concern and calling emergency service. it’s the same red sedan’s wreckage that he sees alongside his dad’s car from the newspaper.

after training his powers for a month now, from rewinding time to slowing down time, he taps into another layer of the power he knows of chronokinesis—something he caught on as said by min, the local art shop retailer he often goes to get his art supplies and whom he also discovers that they had this power before him. the power to travel through art that the power user has made. he stumbles into it accidentally as he is moving out a box full of his childhood stuff a day after finishing his odd jobs of tattooing other people. nearly sneezing from the flying dusk when tidies the contents, he sees the small doodle of people eating pizza. soobin remembers it was when he and his dad went out from a small pizzeria in haeyang at 10 years old, the same doodle he holds when he sees the zooming red sedan passing by. and that’s what happens to him.

the colors of the figures' outlines combined with the yellow and red from the pizza become a blur before he is summoned to the street of the accident. soobin walks hand-in-hand with his dad as they walk to the place where he lives for the visit. his mom is waiting after all. he had wanted to do something different again when he saw the woman who resembled his best friend. his soft features frowning as he had to see the accident again before he realized he had the power to change it.

and what he did to change it was a child-like thing he could do—as he didn’t want to make people suspect him more. he goes to the post and presses the crosswalk button again as he waits for it to do an immediate reset, the red man immediately turn to green when yeonjun’s mom passes the cross. he caught his dad let out a loud “fuck!” at the red car zooming past. but no one died that day, the car zoomed past slower, swerving near him and his dad more who is just starting to walk across, but not hitting the woman as she goes away to do whatever she’s doing. changing the line of time forever.

when he wakes up from the vacuum of time, he meets a room that is unrecognizable. it has open boxes stacking on top of each other and pieces of furniture that doesn’t look like the ones he had in his rock-themed bedroom. he walks to the en-suite bathroom to see himself on with a white t-shirt and small graphic text. the tattoos that painted his body are still there, the loser tattoo on his left arm and the outline sketch of the flower he made himself on his right. that’s when he heard the default ringtone of the smartphone as he scrambled to see who would call him. in his life at that moment, only a few people would call him: his family members and yeonjun. but ever since they died from their drug abuse, only yeonjun has ever called him. he thought he might be friends with yeonjun again. but when he saw the word mom on the ringing phone, soobin choked and nearly fainted away, yet he had to pick it up. his eyes stinging as he pressed the green button.

“hi, binnie bun. how is your first month in college?”

his nose becomes stuffy as his eyes tearing up, trying to articulate his words as best as he can. he missed her voice, the voice that he last listened to when he was 11. and now, he finally can visualize it again. his dad also speaks as soobin stares at his crying reflection from the window of his room, his eyes wandering to follow the number of people his age on the pathways as he hears his mom talk so carefully. recording it to his mind as he notices the age in her voice, something he couldn't do before.

he learned so much about his family by talking with them on that phone call. how they talked about the orientation poster he has to make and how cool it looks like when it's posted digitally; deducting that he’s studying in an art course. how his dad tells him to “tear the town apart like he was back then” and mentioned the old walkman he gave to his son with his rock music mixtape. soobin realized he grew up not that different from his dad. he knew his parents had always been part of a scene when he remembers the tattoos on their arms, but something from his memory reminds him of how he had tried drawing colors into mom’s rose tattoo and dad’s hokusai-inspired wave tattoo. how he, even after nearly a decade without him, is the perfect mix of his mom and dad’s personalities plus interests. he never thought he could be like that until now, and he was in a wailing frenzy when his parents ended the call.

brushing the fallen tears from his eyes, he turns to the desk where he realizes how this timeline’s soobin loves the arts so much as he is in his original timeline. books of sketches on the cluttered desk and coloring pencils scattered with his lit-up laptop showing its lock screen. a card beside the mouse pad shows he’s a design and visual communications major and a freshman—based on the year from both the card and the date on the screen. he always wanted to try enrolling in college, but given his financial circumstances back then, he had to pass it up. yet he is very satisfied to live his young adult life with yeonjun outside of academic responsibilities. his eyeline looks to the top of the card to see where he’s enrolling.

haeyang institute of arts—a university from his dad’s hometown.

his dad moved to the city he’s now living in from haeyang as he enters university. his family join alongside him because of the many more opportunities they might get. he then meets his mom in that same university and the rest is history. dad always loves haeyang and always visits the town for vacation, making mom love it too with her lessons in surfing and other watersports. dad had hoped that when he retired with mom, they could move to the small town to live the rest of their lives. soobin hopes it could happen; especially since he lived in said town for his teenage years.

but, he did not live in haeyang when his parents were still alive. that’s when soobin is realizing now, outside the convoluted information he has gotten, where he is.

a new timeline.

it’s easy for him to climb back into his old habits while reintegrating his new ones as he stayed there in intervals—going back and forth as he couldn’t get enough. in the trials, he'd successfully brought himself back into his tattoo artist way given his appearance and how he relies on that for the added stream of income, realizing the privilege of having a parent that helps you pay your tuition. soobin frequented the places he used to go when he saw a number of people he recognized; remembering the right attitude to befriend them as he entered the same circle of people once again, now a bit more mature and full of obnoxious rich young boys who just tasted freedom, just like he did.

other than scouring the arts made by his other self, he also sees a few books about the solar system, outer space, and astronomy from the items he had to unbox. he knew that that is something he’s interested in before his life was pivoted around by his aunt and uncle’s behaviors. in order to preserve that soobin within him, he embraces this timeline’s soobin’s love for astronomy by making more space-themed projects and tattoo sketches to even decorating one of his four walls full of astronomy posters and sketches he is proud of. all of that is to help mend soobin together to make a singularity, the right combination of one and the other.

because of that and how much progress he has made in his life, he decided to settle down in this timeline.

he felt the most alive here after a long time.

soobin came back home to the original timeline to set up something only for yeonjun. he recounted how the house he lived in with his dead aunt and uncle was his childhood best friend’s house before she moved out. how it has a significant role in his life. so he sets up a written deed for his house after talking with the local librarian he has been acquainted with ever since he spent his free time there without yeonjun; they tell him how the law works and how he can give the house away to him as a gift. he places the house key and letter on his bed as he looks at the cluttered room that he will long for. before he travel away for the last time, he puts the doodle beside the unfinished red poppy he made. letting the red color swirls in his vision before he envelops himself in the vacuum world, retracing his steps, and arrives in his new life.

it’s been a year since he stayed in this timeline and he didn’t know life could be any better than what he had a year prior.

during that one year, he let himself go and tried his best in his new life as a college student. he frequent parties and the hangout spaces he used to go to back in his original timeline, letting out the enthusiastic self that caught the crowd’s attention just like back then; but with a mellower tone to it as yeonjun was always the most out-going between the two. he went to raves and concerts from indie bands trying to break into the music scene. soobin, along with a few friends from that crowd he befriended, created a tattoo artist collective to make it easier if people want to find others who want to be tattooed. and, in one party hosted by some college boys living off campus, he met you.

you’re a superstar in his eyes with your fashionable customized night-out outfit and being placed in a rowdy group of girls, though you seem gentler than the others with your small smirk. you were holding on to a cup whilst leaning beside your friend when you turned your head and caught him looking. soobin had definitely seen your picture on social media when he explored the location tag ‘haeyang’ but he definitely won’t think he might found you in real life. yet haeyang is a small town after all and when someone is so popular, they get the attention of most of the town. soobin walks in an upright position when he approaches you. his large build makes him get curious stares from your friends, yet he stays his eyes on you. your smirk widens as he introduces himself, giving talks gently that differ him to the group of boys that he had seen here. your friends were pushing you to go to him, whispering into your ears that made you giggle. and when your eyes tell him to “take me away from this place”, he does so, bringing you to his room to hook up.

soobin and you caught onto a whirlwind friendship both of you didn’t expect after the hookup and, instead of sleeping after it, both of you talk about what you’ve been doing as of this week, continuing the underlying interesting conversation topic he had brought up before taking you away. the duvet enveloping both of you as you both are trying to get a steady breathing pace, he senses the blooming faint hickeys on the column of his neck as you lay down with your back facing up—turning your head to him as chuckles came out of you both. he never had a close female friend even in his original timeline, but you were so natural that he can’t help but be enamored by you. and it seems like it’s you to him too, with the way you asked him for his number before he brought you back to your hall. then everything expanded as he and you started to hang out at college parties a lot, you and him often went to each other's rooms to hang out with each other or meet with the others. but a few hours later, the image of soobin’s desk clean of books as he puts you there and thrusts in you becomes the reality, letting your nails scratch his back until it’s red from the goodness both of you feel.

he gets roped into your circle more, meeting the likes of karin, elle, and yizhuo as your fashion major friends. and you’ve met a few of his friends too, but since not all of them are college students, it’s not as woven as soobin’s relationships with your friends. but now, he had a friend circle and within that circle, they know you and his relationship as friends with benefits.

yet lately, he realized things are changing. he became clingy to you when he is horny and you’re easily submissive towards him when you are. it’s as if both of you are tearing each others’ walls down brick by brick, to find out more of each other—maybe even more than what you both have. but when he and you tried to try things further outside of the friends-with-benefits realm you are in, it’s always been cut off by something. for him, it’s the clients that want tattoos from him. for you, it was your tasks catching up to you, either from the organizations or your own dream of making a sustainable clothing line. even if you have time for each other to get to know more fathoms that you both actually recognize, you both spend it in other ways instead.

hesitations exuding from both of you and he only realized when he didn’t meet you two days ago. because his rose-colored lens was rudely ripped off when (y/n) from another timeline comes and tells him what happened in his original timeline. his home timeline.

he recalls the sunset view of (y/n) and him sitting on the sandy beach by the campus ground, the rushing wave seems to calm her down as soobin can sense how the girl has an affinity for it by looking at her gaze. she explained to him the reason she visits this timeline: to meet up with yeonjun and seeing his mom alive again. how the yeonjun she met differs greatly from the yeonjun she once knew. (y/n) and he talked more about chronokinesis as she tried to grasp the power she now has. how she described the vision of a blizzard obliterating haeyang. but something this (y/n) said hit him more profoundly than what he expected when he met someone from his original timeline.

“i’m going back,” he watches (y/n) open up a folded drawing, “to my original timeline.”

those seven words she’s spoken hit soobin in his heart as he tried to push away his furrowed eyebrows and frown, trying to make it more positive as he mentioned how he was starting to like the girl before she replied with “you probably like this timeline’s me more… but do you like like her?”

she clouded his mind with the unexpected question, replying with “maybe… i don’t know though. you’re just- i mean, she’s just a workaholic that i don’t think she has time for a serious relationship.”

a small smirk appears on her face when she adds, “well m-maybe you can try treating her differently. other than meeting just to hook up. bring her to the movies, ask her if she want to watch the concerts you’re watching no matter how indie the band is…”

soobin’s eyebrows raised as he protruded a small pout, letting his dimples show up as he looked to see the sun setting on the horizon.

“that might work.”

when he laid back in his bed after bringing (y/n) back to the room he could call his second home here, his state of mind went into such a limbo that all the thoughts in his head were about you, original timeline (y/n), his best friend yeonjun, and his home timeline. he tried to sleep it off, but it didn’t help. that’s when something made him impulsively act.

he steps out of the comfort of his bed and turns on his desk lamp to open his sketchbook, grabbing two different colored pens of black and dark blue as he sketches the visual that is playing in his mind.

figures are sketched in black ink as faceless figures talking to each other, some holding bottles in hand, some holding cups instead, and a few laughing “hahaha” typographies spread around the people. the center of the paper is left empty as he grabs the blue pen and draws another figure that looks so different from the others. its shape is humanoid, but its head is bigger than the others—creating an uncanny valley that exist in the scene. he outlined the clothes and how the being is holding onto a bottle of beer, he assumed, but with the black ink. lastly, he makes a small rectangle on the chest and he writes “soobin” within it.

retreating his posture back to rest against the back of his chair, he sees the finished picture as he visualizes. the lone blue outline humanoid in the middle of the black-lined figures. ever since the original timeline (y/n) left, he sensed his mind was being pulled out of his body for the first time since long ago and he once again sees himself in a third-person view when he walks back to his room. the out-of-body experience also recaps his year-long life here at a fast pace before one word rings in his mind.

alien.

he feels like an alien. because he realizes he is one.

this isn’t his original home after all. this is not the world he was born into. he’s not supposed to be here.

after you mentioned what happened back in your original timeline, he can’t help but feel his heart sunken down into the fathoms of himself. on how he left so suddenly creating panic in the closest person in his life. on how he only thinks about himself as he tries to rebuild his life here. how the “feeling alive in a new world” meaning seems more like an illusion to him. soobin sensed himself crumbling as a tear fell out of his left eye, still staring at the drawing he made in the mid-time of the night. cicadas sounds ringing outside of his window as he can catch a fading muffled sound of people in rooms far from his. the world all become solemn and sound as the doubts he holds back are now crashing the fragile wall and filling up his head like a vase.

he misses the adventures he and yeonjun had in high school. his discovery of rock music and the songs his dad might listen to if he could ask him; but can’t cause he was meters under the ground. he misses the experimental parts of his youth and how, even in his hardest times, he’s still living.

soobin misses home.

“soobin?”

the boy’s startled as he grasps how shaky his chest has been. the sound of unrhythmic breaths enter his sense as another one signals to him the moist that are trailing down from his face, his nape, and his back—the sensation of an air conditioner dies the warming body down. he looks to the side to see you’ve turned around to face him, a frown on your face and eyebrows crinkled. yet even with how puffy your face is for waking up so suddenly, you still are so pretty.

soobin expected little as he wiped the now evident tears and sweat off his face, yet he still couldn’t breathe calmly. his hyperventilation from overthinking swallows up his mind back into the doubts running like a waterfall in his mind. he tried to make it stop,—closing his eyes so tight and shaking his head—when his warm skin met a cold sensation as he blinked open.

“breath with me…” you expressed, snuggling close to him as he instinctively lifted his right hand to put it behind you. shoulders meeting as your hand rested on his exposed abdomen while the comforter slid down to rest right above your breasts. soobin turns his head as you tell him with your eyes and signal by lifting your head up. follow me.

together, you both try to find the right rhythm for him to come back stable. soobin felt the air he was puffing come out staggering as you soothed him more with your hands, messaging him down from his abdomen to his pectorals. trailing it up, you rested your hand against his left chest where you put pressure, studying his beating heart that pumps too fast given the circumstances.

“breathe in and hold,” you whispered to him. his hand that was wrapping you have fallen down to your waist as you also rest your back against the headboard, gripping onto your exposed love handle from behind. he sees you nod as you watch him follow your every signal, a small assuring smile on your face as your hand continues to rest against his heart layers deep beneath his muscles and skin.

“and out.”

you let out a big breathe out as soobin follows slowly, feeling his heart now pumping in a rhythm comprehensible for his body. he didn’t expect to break down even after he had pounded you into the next day; he had poured all of it out the previous night to make himself stable. that’s the reason he is here tonight as he knows that you also have been stressing out about something lately and you say yes instantly to his text. yet, even with the months of you both doing this thing, you both never let out any expressions of sadness. always lightening this up with funny banters or sexy moments. he rested his forehead against your nape when he lets his hips meet yours, trying to flush the thoughts that are fucking him up by fucking it away with you. yet, it lingers and grows. he expected to face it himself, not guessing at all that you would help him calm down.

“you’ve been thinking about many things, haven’t you? your face was all scrunched while we made out. i can feel how your facial muscles tense up when i kiss your face.” you said so eloquently, so different from the hesitation that the girl he met yesterday from his original timeline gave out. you knew how to speak and how to voice out what you want to say. and it’s something he always admired you for.

then, soobin got reminded of what (y/n) said to him about his feelings for you. how the original timeline (y/n) didn’t reject him of his feelings for you, instead giving advice on other activities to do when hanging out to further your relationship. come to think of it, if she rejected it outwardly, it could hurt him more. but if she meant what she said, then you might actually reciprocate what he is feeling to you.

sure, he has had crushes on people in between the binary of boy and girl. but he never went through something so visceral as this. the closest thing to it is with yeonjun back in his original timeline. he and the boy knew that both of them were fruity in some way, but by what he observed, he could only assume that yeonjun liked him as a friend who he could lust over. the guy doesn’t even like dating based on the last time soobin spoke with him, but he has seen him hooking up with a few people, usually in inebriated situations. all the time, soobin assumes it’s always one-sided between him and yeonjun. but when he sees the original timeline (y/n) coming to tell him everything that’s happened when he’s gone, he can definitely sense the effect of her appearing in yeonjun’s life again after a decade. how yeonjun finally meets his person again after a long time since soobin is being bombarded with stories between yeonjun and her.

but this timeline is different. yeonjun’s family is complete whilst yours is not. he also has noticed the sunken skin beneath your eyes, how you now need more than three cotton face wipes to clean your face—you don’t like going to sleep with make-up as he always sees you limping to your bathroom to clean your face up as he makes the bed for you both to sleep in. how hectic the university has been for you as you join many activities like the yearly fashion show hosted by the institute to the social events and your own fashion business. yet, the way you treat him so softly even though it’s behind closed doors is always reminding his soul to be fuzzy and colorful even with the scene he is usually in. everyone knows you both are fucking each other, but you both never done any soft and domestic things in public or on the internet for anyone to see; always showing your confidence and maybe your sexy selves.

yet, being domestic with you seems to be so natural to him. how you sometimes go to the communal kitchens in both of your halls to make instant noodles for both of you; how you and him like bouncing ideas for projects you both have to do for your courses; you have helped him design tattoo ideas for his client and him helping you to find the right style to layer the clothes your designing. it all came naturally and with a sense of ease as soobin doesn’t expect any rewards in return, even if it came to one with you giving him pleasure. but, by what the original timeline (y/n) said to him, it might be because you see him the same way.

but with the level of existentialism he is facing, he doesn’t know if it’s real anymore.

he wishes his powers can come back to him just so he can give his life in the original timeline a second chance.

as he leaves you alone and slips into a daydreaming state, you continue caressing his torso— tilting down to gaze at the tattoos that paint soobin’s body. on his left arm, a five-side star that matches yours after you both lost a dare between you two and karin with her boyfriend. below it, a large tattoo that covers his entire sleeve of a ring planet and a few more than litter his body that you couldn’t quite figure out. you’ve admired the handy work of tattoos that soobin has on his body as they look so clean and detail. but you never learned what each of them meant. tattoos must have meant something for someone to willingly put on their skin. you and soobin’s matching star tattoos also have their backstory as it reminds you both of the long conversations you had with each other about the stars in the sky and how the lights of them are from millions of years ago—soobin is a nerd for this kind of facts and you totally love hearing him ramble on about it.

“what do your tattoos mean?”

soobin silently choked on his breath as he heard you say that, your eye line gazing at his upper left arm before to his eyes. your head is resting against his right chest as his other hand moves to accommodate you entering more into his space. a small smile grows from him as it reminds him of what transpires yesterday in this very room and bed. how original timeline (y/n) is checking his horny self’s thigh before the big revelation he comes to realize. he comments on how this timeline's (y/n) never asked him about his tattoos before. he didn’t know how the power of travelling between timelines can also affect the body in the timeline someone visited even if she asked him—not much knowledge is known about chronokinesis in general because of its limited usage of time and people who had it. yet, is this a sign that even though you were possessed by someone from his original timeline, is some of the memories you get are sticking to the original being of the body as the visitor travels back? he doesn’t know for sure, especially since this timeline don’t have any supernatural individuals, unlike his home timeline.

“well…” he tucks you closer with his right hand so it’s easier to see his right forearm and shows you the tattoo you might not found from your little adventure of gazing at his body. he then uses his free hand to push the comforter away slightly from his lap—his flaccid cock now meeting the air-conditioned room as he points one of his thighs with the squiggly lines painted on the skin.

“this one,” he pointed at the drawing on the thigh, “is the first tattoo that i tried by myself. it’s supposed to be a soundwave visualized but i was trembling so the curves aren’t a good parabola-shaped wave.” soobin tried to compose himself but he can’t help to chuckle as he could remember how nerve-wracking and painful it is to tattoo himself. your nose scrunches as you hold your jaws, but he can still pick up the snickers you’re trying to conceal before he continues.

soobin moves his left arm to allow you to gaze at it closer. the one that is full of tattoos across his sleeve and forearm. “the shoulder one, you know what it is, is the star we both have. below it is the saturn tattoo that covers this whole area.” he twists the entire arm so you can see the whole tattoo in its glory. “my favorite planet of the solar system is saturn, other than earth of course. i always think that earth can have rings if it has enough gravity for asteroids to spin aroun-“

you kiss the corner of his mouth before he continues to babble, “we can theorize about earth having rings anytime. what’s next?” you reply as soobin’s face gets warm before he continues with showing his left forearm.

“the guitar tattoo on the outer side and the drum set tattoo on the inner side is matching with each other. the drum set is just a basic setup of crashes, hi-hat, snare, tom-toms, and bass and it symbolizes my love for rock music. one of the guys from the collective specializes in creating these line art tattoos and i just have to have him give me one, but he gave me two cause he owes me something.” after his tangent, he then pushes his wrist closer to you as you giggle while staring at it, realizing what it is.

“that’s the bunny doodle i made for you.” you gaze at it with pursed lips as he nods exuberantly.

“got it tattoo by myself, had one of the guys sketch it down before using the gun.” he twists his forearm around to show a typography tattoo right below his elbow.

“this is the loser tattoo. i made the typography myself to look a bit like punkish as i just…” he glance at the tattoo before towards you, “i identify with the word so well. like, i wanna make it sound less negative than it is, just like punk is now. that’s what high school soobin thought though.”

your eyebrows raised as you say back, “you’re not a loser in my eyes. i actually think i’m the loser here.”

soobin chuckles, “says you, miss popular.” he felt a light push on his cheek as you let out the sweetest giggle that he’s always associated with you. something that you never show outside people in your inner circle as everyone only knows you as the cool badass girl that you are.

“it’s true though, soob. like… even if people know me as someone who is capable of anything, there must be ONE thing i can’t do, like flying an airplane for example.” you talk animately as your hands also visualize the object in the air, something outrages as you tried to justify yourself to be in the same realm of loser as he is, even if he knows you’re not.

“we can be losers together if you’re still going identify yourself as one.” soobin chirps as you let out so many nods.

he then gazes along the expanse of the skin between you and his body as he sees the final tattoo from the hand wrapping your body. the yellow poppy on his right forearm. the only colored tattoo he has and the first tattoo he got when he decided to stay in this timeline, painting the petal with yellow ink. soobin knows little about flower language but it always fascinated him that each flower species still have a different meaning if the petal colors are different. his favorite is poppy—other than that it’s the base of heroin, his favorite out of the drugs he tried—and he likes that each different colored poppy will mean different things. the red poppy he drew back in his original timeline had a meaning of remembrance and hope. but he didn’t find red poppies appealing anymore after he moved. instead, his affinity turns to the yellow one.

“this is a yellow poppy. it symbolizes optimism and a new bright future. i-“ soobin gulps down his saliva as he looks at the poppy. the sketch of the flower is entirely the same one he did before he left, only the petal colors are different. “i made the sketch myself and asked someone to tattoo it on me. the first tattoo i got after arriving here. and it’s after i’ve made a big decision in my life. i hope that it can help to remind me of the good things that come after that big decision.” soobin looks down, “well, i don’t know if it did though.”

you instantly reach around him as you pull him into a hug. his head rested on your chest where he can hear your heart beating inside you. your nose sniffing his black hair as you then give it a small kiss, calming the clockwork in his mind as you lean back on the headboard and push the comforter to cover both of you.

“i don’t know what you’ve gone through to be here. you’ve always been such a strong guy for me.” you caress his wet-stained cheek, noticing how sticky and cold the surface is. you feel very conflicted as you try to understand what he’s been going through even if you don’t recognize the exact detail of it.

“i don’t want to pry you for information if you are uncomfortable with it. but i wanna say that you have me on your side, even with our unconventional friendship.” you look down towards him, who is staring right at you, the way his sunken eyes resemble yours as you stare at it. an undescribable yearning for you to continue comforting him shows up, but the same hesitance that taints you both to be something more is still there.

“let’s sleep, shall we?”

-

“class is dismissed. thank you.”

exclamations of “thank you”s and scrapping of chairs ring in soobin’s ears as he tucks his belongings back into his backpack, trying to leave the class around the same time as the crowd as he tugs his hood of his unzipped black hoodie up. stepping out of the class, he watches more classroom doors already open as more of his peers walks out to end the class session, all of them aiming towards the many exits of this building. some were alone, like him—scurrying away as fast as they could, while others take time to wait for their friends. soobin tightens the strap on his bag once again as he steps in and blends into the crowd. the same crowd he has lost touch with ever since his existentialism episode. some people greet him when they recognize him; just giving a small wave as they pass by him. but others ignore him when he tilts his head down and blends in. it is what he desires for the outcome.

his class has been dwindling and ending as he is nearly a few weeks closer to exam week, that means that he has more free time than what his regular schedule told him. sure, he could play with friends of his—but he really wants to be in solitude right now. it doesn’t mean that he stopped being with his friends in the alternative scene or who opened the tattoo business and whatnot because of what he experienced two days ago, that just amplifies what he had been doing because his interests have been expanding more outside of their punkish and alternative scene.

soobin has frequented a local music shop where he discovered new music outside of his knowledge—most are alternative but old in age, older than the bands he and yeonjun used to indulge in and much calmer. the sex pistols are not 100% good for his mental health if you listen to it too much. that’s when he expanded the songs he listened to based on his dad’s rock mixtape that he possessed. queen being replaced by pink floyd and the beatles being changed by genesis. it introduced space rock to him alongside radiohead—other than the song named creep that he knew before. his music palette also expands internationally to include other languages other than including decades from his parents’ generation or even his grandparents’ generation. people usually have places where they get the perfect ambience to create art like nature or buzzing cafes. for him, it’s the music store that inspired him the most. either by the travelling sonic waves entering his ears or the album cover art—which is an underrated art medium—he has gotten a lot of his sketches inspired by them, including his tattoo design. all inspired by the olds and news of alternative music—cause pop can be too poppy for him. yet he doesn’t wanna call his punk ways a “phase” even if he’s trying to consume something new, but he since has gotten more melancholic about it. like how the music he listened to had matured alongside him.

maybe he could introduce you to his local shop. he doesn’t know if you’re interested in it though.

as he sat on one of the benches on the pathway, not knowing what to do in his afternoon—not comfortable enough to mingle with his friends knowing how unstable his emotions are right now and he can’t meet up with you right now because you have classes all day—he’s scrolling through his notes app that is full of brainstorming ideas he kept. the glimpses of his rants about the lecturers he had got for the semester and these classes for giving stupid homeworks make him chuckle before he stops on one note that caught his eye.

places to go in haeyang: recs by ppl n hidden gems

pressing it open, he sees the list of places he had written dated. most of the places already have checks at the side as there are ones he visited back in his teen years back in his original timeline. the people in his scene recommended some; usually involving speakeasies and other hidden concert venues. he let his thumb scroll down to the bottom of the list, expecting all of them to be with checks as he remembered a scene from the places he skim-read, when he came across one place he hadn’t visited that baffled him.

haeyang planetarium and observatory.

he tried to remember why he hadn't gone there as he scoured through his memories, understanding now that it was because he’s been to most of the places on the list together with other people, usually from the ones in his crowd, that they just haven’t visited this place or because none of his people are interested in astronomy like him. but when he sees the words related to outer space observation, he couldn’t help the tug in his heart that is signalling to his well-being.

if he visit, maybe he could understand more of the aliens he is associating with.

his long legs march towards the campus' bus stop as the bus arrives at the same time. stepping inside, people—mostly student—are now dispersing to other places as it goes by stop by stop, a few are going to the food market near here, and more goes to other facilities around here until only he’s left in the bus with a few people on the seats behind him. his eyes gaze at the ocean’s surface that the sunshine is refracting. a group of children playing around on the sand as one of them chases a dog whose leash is flailing everywhere, not minding the incoming waves meeting the sand as they all play along. when he heard the call for his bus stop, he didn’t realize the smile formed on his face before returning to his resting face.

thanking the driver as he steps out, he then looks at his map app to see the route toward the building complex—up the inclining road straight to where he is. soobin’s steps take him over as he sees the neighborhood he’s in. mom-and-pop shops are still open inside buildings with an older-looking architectural style, very different to the amount of gentrification evidence around downtown haeyang and the campus grounds. walking on the side of the mostly empty street, he smelled the aroma of homemade cooking he hadn’t smelt in a while as he had always been bombarded by the MSG of fast foods that he usually bought other than convenience store foods. he almost forgets the smell of it, also the smell of blooming wildflowers and salt produced from the ultramarine. his consciousness floating about his corporeal form as he felt the numbness slowly fade.

soobin inspects the pavement before him. cracks from the old concrete untouched from newness greet him with the historical side of the town that has been established aeons ago. but it’s also a habit of his to look downwards at his feet every time he walks. he can still recall the crimson blood of the incident or the appearance of his aunt with a foaming mouth if he tilts up slightly, especially if there are other people involved as he either trails his vision on his moving feet so to not meet their eyes or on the nape of the person if they’re in front of him. but, on this side of town, he couldn’t help but notice the dwindling number of visitors to the shops.

yet even when he glances at the people that are scattered around the street, they seem so humble and poised. whilst walking towards his destination, he found an older woman carrying baskets of fruits or vegetables from the outdoor market that he passed by and the sight of a grandpa and a younger kid—his grandson from their similar features—walking around with balloons in his hands. it’s very different from the sight of obnoxious young adult drinking their hearts out to get rid of college stress. it’s as if this neighborhood is its own place out of haeyang. as if it’s a planet of its own.

obscured by the branches of various trees, soobin finds the dome-like structure of the observatory. he walks along the nearly empty parking lot as only a few identical buses are parked there, children dressed in uniforms stand on the side of the machinery; it’s the weekdays after all and a good time for a field trip. his figures trail behind them who are still lining up to the entrance, seeing the space theme imageries all over the place as he walks towards the ticket booth. a young teenager sitting behind the glass blowing a bubble from the gum, providing the ticket options.

“for one?” the teen said, chewing on his gum as soobin couldn’t help but see himself in the teen’s place.

“yup.” he places the cash amount on the booth.

“you okay doing the tour with a bunch of kids?”

soobin glances at him who is picking the money up, realizing that it’s more than the cost of one ticket when he finally focuses on it.

“i’m definitely okay with that.” he sees the guy looking back at him when he counts the amount and eyes at the older boy.

“no. don’t give back the change. might help you with your tuition. you’re doing a good job, kid.” soobin replied before he turned away to climb the small flight of stairs. leaving the teen boy staring at him before tucking the tip into his pocket.

he catches the pitter-patter on the floor as he watches the students scramble in lines beside him. most of their height is around his thighs and there are shorter kids too. the sound of an older woman guides the children as soobin stays back with the teachers who supervise them. soobin gives a nod to one of them as his endearing smile with dimples seems to melt their worries away—he’s glad he uses his hoodie now so that they can’t detect the depression that is still oozing out of him. when he enters right along with the group, he stares at the greenery entrance of the first exhibition, depicting the trees and buildings people associated with earth. screens around it shows videos of old commercials combines with new ones that created a sense of nostalgia that hits him in the right place.

“humans are curious beings and those before you have always been curious of the sky.” she points towards the ceiling where it is painted as the bright clear blue sky. “what goes on above the clouds? why is the sun so far but so hot? why does the moon always change shape from half a circle to a full circle to a dark circle? in this tour, we will get to know things other than our beautiful planet,” the tour guide said as she moved, letting the group follow her to a large diorama of a rocket standing tall until the ceiling. the screens on the wall shows slideshows of photos from mission control in a space center, outfits of spacemen display behind the glass box.

“people’s curiosity creates new things and creates-“

“ROCKET!” one kid said as he pointed towards the rocket tall beyond his height, making the others giggle with soobin following along.

“that’s right. a rocket! in the 1960s, humankind made a new achievement: going to space. a cosmonaut was the first one to go to space, and then a group of astronauts landed on the moon! even a dog and monkey have flown to space!” the guide opens her arms to the screen where the records of the 1969 moon landing is playing. “since then humans have been curious, why is there a brighter dot in the sky even brighter than the dots of stars? if people can reach the moon, can we also reach the sun and the stars? with that, we move…”

the guide moves to the new room behind a dark curtain. stepping through, the dark navy walls take dominance along with paintings of the planetary bodies, “to see our planet here as miniature. we are here.” she points at the blue and green-colored ball in a solar system diorama. “you live here. haeyang is here. and now we can see all the other planets beyond earth and the moon that is spinning around us.”

“is this mars?” one of the girls points at the red planet.

“that’s right. the red planet is our neighbor. many scientists and engineers are now trying to make humans reach mars. they have succeeded in putting a robot there as it scouts for martian landscape to discover new things. we will know more about it as we enter the planet rooms. but now we can notice,” the guide pushes a button as the diorama starts to spin. exclaims of wows come from the children as soobin can’t help but think that they are the voices of his head, outwardly shows what he’s thinking as he feels he has gone back to that age again.

“we can see here that all the planets are spinning around this big yellow ball. this one is the sun, the same hot sun that you encounter in the day. the sun has another name, 'sol'. and this is why we call this,” the tour guide widens her arm to show the whole diorama, “a solar system.”

“why is this one spinning the other way?” one of them points to the planet beside earth, the smaller orange ball spinning clockwise instead of counter-clockwise like others.

“venus is an oddball, you see. other than it spinning the other way than its friends, the day and night there is also deadly. you can burn in the day but freeze in the night. it’s a very dangerous planet but humans also found a way to show us what it looks like. we will see more of it soon.”

soobin follows along with the group as he learns about things he knows but things he also doesn’t know as astronomy is one of his interests he hasn’t pursued much other than a designing theme. exhibits upon exhibits walk as his hands move from tucking inside his hoodie’s pocket to be put behind him or even holding onto his phone as he takes pictures he could then spin for inspiration for whatever creative ideas he had, for both college works or anything outside.

but the exhibition that was the most profound to him, as he is currently standing in front of, is the small elevated tub of sand on the podium in front of a hubble space image full of galaxies. the window from above shines the lights from the outside, giving a specific spotlight to it. the exhibit was made by a haeyang institute of arts student coming from the plaque soobin read, capturing an image of the description as he wants to learn about the alumnus’ works outside of this. the words spoken by the guide tell something so deep to him that it makes him stay here while the others continue. each of the children holding a grain of sand in their hand as he follows, pinching the minuscule sand between his thumb and forefinger.

“we will then take the grain of sand and extend our arms to the window above. to the sky.” all of them push their arms out to the window on the ceiling with soobin pushing his arm out, capturing the tiny sand in eyesight.

“how you see the grain of sand with your eyes is the same as what the hubble telescope sees as it’s pointing to the darkest part of space where there are no lights. just like how we are with the sand, it’s not visible this far. but there is still something there. and with that, the telescope captures this picture.” the guide turns towards the image on the wall.

“the hubble eXtreme deep field. it is said to contain over 5000 galaxies. and as we learned before, galaxies have many stars and stars always have planets spinning around them. that means that there many upon many of planets, even planets that maybe the same as earth. and as we also learn about stars and the length of light in the previous rooms, we can guess that the lights from these galaxies might actually come from a long time as the light reaches us. million years to travel to be seen by the telescope. so we don’t know if the galaxies are still there or not as it might occur millions of years from now.”

“i wanna ask,” a kid replied as he dropped the grain back into the tub. “if what miss said that there might be planets like earth out there, and since you tell us that earth is a perfect planet where life lives. then are there beings living on that planet?”

“oh my gosh, aliens!!!” another replies as the group bursts out into the giant discussion session, but soobin doesn’t chuckle along like the rest of them this time because his mind is somewhere else, eyes stuck on the hubble’s captured image.

“well, there might be. aliens could also come in different shapes and sizes. there are some who are human-like and others who are monster-like. they can be big like elephants or small like ants. life may happen in those planets. but we don’t know which one it is. either we haven’t found them or they haven’t found us.”

soobin listens to the door closed as he didn’t buy the ticket for the show. it’s then followed by the steps on the floor as he peeks from the corner of his eyes, seeing the woman—the tour guide—stood beside him. her eyeline looking at the image with him.

“beautiful, right?”

“yeah…” soobin says while nodding, yet the wrinkles between his eyebrows contract as he sighs.

“it’s been so long since i’ve seen people your age visiting the planetarium. i’m happy you are though,” the woman said as he picked up the muffled exclaims from the sky theater.

“ever since local shops dwindled and newer shops entered at downtown, this area isn’t visited as much, especially with the younger ones like people your age. more locals move away as newer things enter and stay.” soobin heard the ruffles from clothing moving as the woman turned to him. “you’ve seemed to have an affinity for this picture here.”

soobin lets out a somber smile, “no matter how many times i’ve seen the image, i found more things to discover.” soobin’s eyes glisten as he takes a deep breath. “the last few days are hard for me. i feel like i’ve been floating away in space and staying there in limbo. a big decision i made for me to stay here came back and bite me in the ass. i probably relate to those aliens watching us rather than people here as i slowly realize.”

“hmm…” the guide said, “i can relate to you. i once was also a new person here. haeyang back then was far more empty. any people living there know each other and i felt like a total outsider when i had to blend in, especially since i came for an internship while waiting for my graduation from college. moving away from the family when i decide to live in a small town all by myself.”

the guide walks to stand in front of soobin, “i felt like an alien visiting the town, especially since i don’t know shit about the culture here. all that was motivating me to stay here is the new planetarium that is hiring people as i want to share my knowledge of space.”

“i recognize this sounds stupid, but why not pursue a career in the space center? be an astronaut and flew up there?” soobin asked as he steps forward towards the woman once again, standing beside her as they continue looking at the picture.

“well…” the woman clears her mouth as she continues, “i wanted to. but something happens in my life that must be so baffling if i talked about it to you.”

“shoot,” soobin replied comfortably, making the woman chuckle.

“i studied astronomy in college but i was an intern here to make design and art choices for the building. the marketing aspect of things as i worked as an assistant to my supervisor. we’re only a two-person team. then, something happens.” the smile on the woman fades away as soobin sees her eyes being cloudy from gaining back the memories, which he presumes are bad ones.

“i saw the sun being so near to the surface, it burns everything. but it stopped as i woke up and i sensed a sizzling feeling in my hand as i stopped a falling paint bucket without touching it. time goes by fast and slow, but i could control it with a wave of my hand as i took precaution of it and other things.”

soobin’s eyes widen as he’s piecing up the woman’s words, words he seems to understand even in their abstract manner.

“one day, i see my planet paintings on the wall here blurry. then i entered something i should’ve not been in when i found myself painting the wall once again. long story short, i’ve changed something about what i paint. i was trying to find the perfect planet to be painted cause i’m still in a dilemma about the jupiter i made. so, i painted saturn instead.” she let out a tight lip smile, yet still exuded warmth.

“when i went out of that vision, i arrived in a new planetarium. it's like the other one but i wasn’t the only intern. another intern was there and we spent time with each other before i realize i fell in love with him. i should’ve gone back and become an astronomer, as you’ve expected. but i love him too much to let him go.” the woman turns her head towards the theater as soobin can identify a silhouette of the man operating the holographic theater closest to the door.

“so i went back and got my degree. then came back here with my long journey where i saw the sun being so close to the surface that it made me panic. it seemed like the sun was stopping me from going back to him. but i stare back at it as i make up my mind and wave the time so i can be here with him,” the woman replied, brushing her fingertips on top of her closed eyelid.

“the person who is me here also studied astronomy, so i still am on track with the opportunity to be an astronomer and study the stars more. but, i noticed my vision was different. going to the hospital, i found out i’m colorblind—probably after fighting the sun back. i was stubborn and wanted to do something, anything, to cure it, but my boyfriend at the time reminded me of how little we had financially. so i stayed behind and instead worked here where i can help educate people on the stars,” she shifts to face the picture, “though i can’t see all the beautiful colors of that hubble photograph.”

soobin stares at the older woman as she turns her head towards him, “i assume we both are aliens to this world. i had know what you are feeling and there is only so much i can do since i can’t go back to my original home now. this is what my husband helped me with back then: when adapting to a new environment, try to share it with someone. there’s a small indie theater around this area that is airing old asian films. by the looks of you,” the woman eyed him up of his all-black ensemble, “it might be your type.”

the boy stood there struck and speechless as the woman turned around to go to the theater, opening the door as her voice became muffled by the excitement of kids as they converse about what they’ve seen, leaving him alone in the large empty space. does the woman also had…? he guesses so…

he was left in a trance when his phone vibrated from the deepest part of his pant pocket. it vibrates along with his hand as he pulls it out, seeing a chain of texts on the screen from one of his friends, han. a notification about a picture being sent to him as he opens the phone, taking him straight to the chat room where he sees a picture of a couple of people taken from a pretty far view; as if it is taken in a hidden way for a reason.

“isn’t that your girl?” soobin reads the message as he looks at the picture and enlarge it, seeing a few pixels of your recognizable features in front of a man. your arms are crossed in front of you, but he couldn’t look at your expression. yet the man beside you seems so familiar to him.

“yeah, the fuck is this?” he sent as han instantly types back

“since when is your girl associated with jeno?” the text said as soobin’s eyes widened when the information clicked for him of the man across from you in his black leather jacket ensemble.

jeno was not someone to mess with. a part of the rare elite haeyang local, his family pretty much owns everything in this town, maybe even the institute as the lee family is their biggest donor. the new business entering and killing local ones? they were placed on the buildings owned by the lee family, even jeno seems like he might also manage a few of them. he’s a dance major in the institute and rumor has it that they open a hip-hop dance class because he wants to. well, soobin doesn’t know much about him other than shallow pieces of information because the performing arts building is far from the visual arts building. but, jeno also has a reputation among his community too—worse than them, even if they’re often seen as bad guys.

manipulation of people, cover-ups of physical fights that soobin heard first-hand, all in a way to make him better than anyone here. he even was blacklisted in the few establishments where the usual concerts are held and drugs are being shared around because of his indecency. but the power of his family strikes through as they can threaten said establishment to lose so much profit so that their son can have fun in the shithole he seems to not blend in. jeno is a dangerous fellow, but why is he associated with you?

soobin’s thumbs on the screen let the screen zoom in more and more until he founds the limit. the amount of pixels there still is not accurate enough to observe every little detail on the image, yet soobin recognized that frown anywhere. the way he always has to smooth it out by himself every time you vent to him during your pillow talk session. you being the workaholic you are—looking perfect in everyone’s eyes—make him the trash bin to the frothing words of rambles coming through your lips. heck, you might even complain about your day-to-day life more to him than when you did it with your group of friends. yet he’s glad you picked him to let him see you in your most vulnerable state.

his eyes glanced back at the picture of galaxies in front of him as he picked up the pattering of footsteps of the school kids, continuing the tour as he could look at the merchandise store across from him—right by the exit. his mind was thinking all over the place when the memory of alternate timeline’s (y/n) seemed to remind him of something. instead of joining in the tour again, he opens his phone and scrolls around to find something.

soobin: hey, you busy tonight?

immediately, he can see the other person texting back.

(y/n): no..? you need anything??

you usually text him back a few minutes after he sends one, but he knows your tell when you’re upset, even if it’s behind the screen.

soobin: let’s watch a movie together.

-

he stretched his legs out as he awaited at the bus stop. his hand holding onto a brown paper bag with an item he bought whilst waiting for you. the view in front of him is exactly the view of the sea that is always imprinted in his mind; which its variants include the yellow fiery ball sinking into the ocean.

he can’t help but remember his conversation with the tour guide. as baffling as it is, he couldn’t even believe that, in this very timeline, someone had the same predicament as the one he is facing. lost in time. lost in worlds. soobin discovered how encouraging it was to see the husband-wife duo as they returned the children to the bus while he walked after them. the wife gives him a small smile and a knowing nod towards soobin as he returns to see a livelier neighborhood than the one he discovered hours ago when he walked by—seemingly a different one, but the afternoon with its free time makes the people go to the streets.

while he waits for you, he scours down the avenue full of mom-and-pop shops; his vision looking at the crack in front of him instead of the ones his feet are stepping on. he visits the outdoor market he saunters past as more shops are there, mostly selling ingredients or utensils that are needed in a home. the boy takes in the atmosphere of balanced quietness and loudness as people go by him, not minding him once before he sees glittery lights on his skin from the sun reflecting on something. turning towards them, he found the source.

the jewelries are put in an array at the front of a stand and more are dangling on the tiny display rack as he sees a woman not much older than him; almost falling asleep from the afternoon sun right under the shade of the tent. when his footsteps create scrapes on the concrete ground, the woman awakes as she watches his figure looming over the booth. both are silent as soobin looks at the various accessories on display. there are classical-looking ones with chains and pendants. still, there are also modern ones which include charms of letters and symbols—even a few of them match his style as he discovers one that is more retro-looking with an identifiable smiley face.

though his eyes were stuck on one of them when he decided to speak to the shopkeeper.

turning his head as he listens to the rumbling noise getting closer, he sees a similar bus to the one he used in the day slowing its machinery before stumbling to a stop. his head looks upwards to the open doors, watching a few people stepping down and you following behind.

“hi,” you mumbled as you skipped towards him, putting your hands inside your outer’s pocket. a smirk on your face as soobin sees a slight twitch in your smiling facial muscles—there is a leftover of what happened before, even if you changed your clothes to forget it.

“hey. thanks for coming.”

“no problemo. not gonna lie, though. it’s very suspect of you to ask me to go with you for things other than parties or you wanna screw me,” you let out a chuckle before licking your pretty chapped lips.

“i want a change of scenery for our whole ‘relationship’,” he says as he gives the air quotes, feeling one hand heavier than the other as he realizes the paper bag.

“shit-“ his hand fumbles before pushing the bag towards you. “for you,” he said with a thin smile that show his dimples.

“for me? choi soobin, are you possessed or something?” you asked, eyes squinting towards him while grabbing onto the strap of the paper bag.

“or something…” he follows, tucking his hands into his hoodie’s pocket with a cheeky smile on his face.

you peek from behind your eyelash at him, pouted lips showing as you reach into the bag. your palm touches a dense surface, a box small enough that you can grip it between your palm, thumb, and the rest of your fingers. pulling it out, you come upon a plain cream-colored box that is divided into two separate parts. carefully lifting the lid of the box, you identify the appearance of a fiber fabric soft beneath your touch when the light of the setting sun reflects the glint of the accessory inside.

eyebrows raised, you graze the small heart pendant on the golden necklace, seeing the reflection of your altered face with it being etched. you touch the ridge of the pendant when you perceive the familiar ridge like the one on your blush and powder container. opening it, you see it empty yet with the plain golden sheet of the whole necklace.

“what’s this for?” giggles slowly erupt from you as you tilt your head towards him.

“i’ve seen the next outfit you’re trying to make when i came to your room. the green flannel fabric one. i think this is perfect for the neck since it looks pretty hollow.” soobin replied, genuinely replied as he looked at you who let out a knowing glance at him. closing the box with the necklace, you put it back inside the paper bag before placing it in your own bag.

“i should credit you later when it’s done.” you winked as you tidied your bag’s strap across your chest, head turning towards the neighborhood. soobin saw the smirk you held fade away as your feet let you saunter around, leading the charge as he’ll guide you verbally to the cinema.

standing beside you, he sees the small frown you produced as you stare at the buildings around you two. your mind is whirring from the nostalgic feeling you experienced. looks of recognition create a glint in your eyes as your mouth follows, creating the surprised looks that resemble the theater kids when practicing for a stage production. you point towards a small lit-up booth as you tell him that that is your favorite ice cream parlor from the past.

“we should buy one after we finish watching.” soobin replied, the streetlamp’s light reflecting off both of your faces as you turned toward him.

“which way?”

soobin guides you by your shoulders as you walk down the way to the local cinema that the planetarium tour guide told him. both of your footsteps blend in with the cricket noises that are more prominent on this side of the town. he stops you as he looks up to the sign of the local cinema he found and enters inside. a lone worker works by the counter and a surprised yet genuine look comes across their face.

“welcome!” the worker said with a gentle smile.

“hi. tickets for two, please. and what movie is showing today?” soobin asked as you stood beside him. both of your dark clothes blended in with the whole moody lighting of the small lobby area of the cinema. only the lights from the display case give off an unnatural cold tint that stands out from the warm ambiance.

“we bought a box set from criterion with seven movies by the hong kong director, wong kar wai, that we’ll be playing for the entire month. for today, the movie is fallen angels,” the worker replied as they input the order into the computer of the cashier.

“i’ve heard of him before.” you whisper to him before nodding towards the worker. “we would love to watch it and a bucket of butter popcorn, please!”

soobin’s face contorts into a grin as he turns towards you, before continuing his order. when it’s done, he lets you bring the popcorn bucket while he holds both of your drinks to the show theater. stepping inside the lone theater of the establishment, the set of seats creates an intimate experience when looking at the screen. the cushion are soft and fuzzy as you and soobin sit on the seats you bought. not too high in the rows but also right in the middle of the columns—the best seats, according to the worker. besides, only the two of you are watching this evening.

as the light dims and the sound of the projector hums from behind the two of you, you are met with the unusual camera angle of two people in black and white frames. the angle makes the woman smoking so intimate, and enormous on the screen of the theater as soobin has to adjust his seating position. the environment surrounding her is also distorted, making the guy look farther than it seems. then the first sentence is uttered…

“are we still partners?”

soobin looked towards you when she spoke the words. he can’t seem to take his eyes off you as the movie continues, seeing the neon-green reflecting on your face as he turns back to focus on the killer, his agent, and chimo, who he identified with the most. both of your hands meet each other’s in the bucket of popcorn—unlike what the movies usually portray, both of you are not startled and pull away your hands. instead, you lean in towards him as you speak out about the killer’s agent outfit that contrasts with the blondie—both of them have a relationship of some sort with the killer. you also predict the reason blondie bleaches her hair blonde is because she wants to be remembered. yet, the ending struck him as he saw the two unlikely people embracing on the motorcycle as they, finally, see the light of day.

soobin couldn’t help to see him and you in their position.

stepping out of the theater, your feet immediately beeline towards the ice cream parlor you showed him. his long limbs able him to catch up as the night falls on the neighborhood, letting the exteriors of the stores that are still open light up the street. soobin caught the ring by the door as you were already on the counter ordering the ice cream you wanted. the worker gives you a small spoon of ice cream for you to taste as you let out a satisfying hum, rolling your eyes as it lands on soobin who is now standing beside you.

“it tastes just like what i remember. can i get that in a cup, please? what about you, bun?”

“make it two.” he lets out a small smile as the worker scoops the ice creams into both of your cups.

“gosh, i’ve been missing out on many things since i came back to haeyang.” you whispered to him before turning towards the worker, “i remembered you used to have a store in the downtown area… and it’s not there now.”

“yeah, that’s our old location. a big shot bought the building from the landlord and, intentionally, hiked the rent price. so, not seeing any attempts to negotiate with them even if we want to, we moved here,” the worker said as they placed the cups on the counter.

“oh…” you let out in a tiny voice, which soobin could still hear.

you let out a small thank you as soobin follows you to the small window seat booth overlooking the empty street as the moon rises to reach its highest point. holding the cup in your hand even if it makes your hand chilly, you nibble on the small spoon as you taste the food from your childhood. yet, the glee that you let out a few minutes ago doesn’t appear anymore as you gaze outside the glass window.

“wow…” you exclaimed before chuckling, “reality hits hard, huh?”

“huh?” soobin replied as you angled slightly toward him.

“this ice cream parlor is the favorite of my family. whenever summer comes or we want a sugar rush, we would always go here. mine will always be this flavor, while dad goes with the coffee and dark chocolate bitter flavors and mom’s with the sour ones. and now… well…” you glance away.

soobin hummed, “you don’t have to tell me.”

“i w-want to?” your voice pitches up before he watches your shoulder slouch, taking a breath as you resume.

“it hits differently now that my family has broken apart, tasting this same flavor that will always remind me of them. they separated when i’m in high school and i still wonder that, if i hadn’t been having too much fun with my friends, can i mediate whatever problems they have with each other?”

soobin frowns as he hears you talk, cracks upon cracks of the barrier you had crumbled as you continue. on how your mom’s rise in the career ladder leads to her infidelity with her co-worker. how even at the mature age of a teenager, they still want a custody battle of you. but you chose your dad as you then rented an apartment with him and still stayed in the city. you are glad to see him happy with his current girlfriend, but the guilt inside of you for not stopping the conflict still remains.

“they still love each other at that time when i can insert myself in. i don’t care that i had to be their negotiator and mediator, but when it was finalized, i had a lot to stomach. but the shame for not helping stings me so bad,” you replied, scrapping the now empty cup for the remaining melted ice cream. “i think that’s why eating this hits me so much with what happened in the decade ever since i moved out from haeyang.”

“how about you now?” that’s what soobin could muster that makes sense.

“i-uh…” you sighed, “everything changes so much in a decade. when i looked around the neighborhood, i recognized a few shops i went to as a kid. my head was in the clouds before and then seeing gentrification happening in real time now hurts me; especially on what i’ve missed about the haeyang i know. i used to live here, yet it feels so familiar and unknown at the same time. especially with-“ you paused as you looked down, seeing the last drop of the creamy liquid hit the bottom of the cup.

“with?”

“nothing. he’s- he’s not gonna remember me anyway,” you let out as you force your lips to smile, sending the signal to your being to lighten the mood up. “i’m feeling nostalgic and i got reminded of the diner that i used to go to. you wanna eat dinner?”

“we just ate.” soobin giggled as he saw you hyping yourself up.

“i know, but we walk so much and the food we eat is just snacks, okay? my treat.”

“you said we’re gonna split the bill?”

“the diner food’s gonna be my treat, bun. then, we’re gonna discuss the bill when eating. c’mon.” you said as you stood up from the seat and you both walked back into the night, forgetting why he brought you here in the first place when he noticed how you tried to conceal your conflicted thoughts. he should be more forward to asking about what happened in the photo his friend sent, but he just can’t let you be down again when he’s glad to see you’re doing well.

the cloud of smoke from you smells fruity as you take a drag of your vape. soobin couldn’t help but reminded of original timeline’s (y/n)’s attempt to smoke an e-cigarette on that beach which resulted in a coughing fit. he pulls out his own e-cig as you two sit at the bus stop, waiting for the designated vehicle to come as it’s still around ten now. the quietness and the ambient of the night consume both of you as the sound of the rushing waves follows behind from the waves; the waves that you could just go straight to feel from where you’re sitting at. thighs resting next to each other as your feet tap on the ground in a rhythm in which he also fills up.

when the bus arrives, you and him are the only passengers on board as you both sit next to each other. the scent of a sickly sweet fragrance emitted from your respective e-cigarettes fills the surrounding air you both are in. as the bus rolls down the street, you put your head on soobin’s broad shoulder, wriggling your fingers to find his to hold. soobin doesn’t want to comment anything to you, but he knows that starting pda in public is not your usual thing—yes, it’s still one even when you only have the bus driver steering the wheel. it’s always him initiating it first when in public and it’s always side hugs where he has his arm around your shoulders or your arm around his waist. many people know you two are fucking, but you both always show the ‘friend’ part of ‘friends with benefits’ in public.

but in this type of situation, soobin can only think about how convoluted everything is. his thoughts. his reality. his feelings towards you.

you didn’t let go of your interlocked hands as you guided soobin to the diner when you arrived at the downtown bus stop. the pavement was a little bit wet from the condensation of the colder air of the night. exterior signs light up the area as you both can hear the muffled bass booming from pubs, bars, and nightclubs—somewhere you both go to if you don’t have any objective like what tonight has. the street looks abandoned as the night slowly gets later and later, yet the glass windows of the building create a whole different atmosphere that oozes from it. your eyes sting as you see the building; all of them still look the same, but more look brand new from renovations and change of businesses.

yet, the lone american-style diner still remains in between the newly refurbished buildings. like a world outside of its own where time stops and the aesthetic staying that way for years upon years.

pushing the door of the entrance, you lead the charge as soobin follows you inside the unfamiliar place. his eyes meet the lone worker washing their hands before turning towards you. the same solemn smile on your face that shows in the old neighborhood appears again when you both admire the interior design.

“how may i help you?”

both of you shift towards the worker and expressions of subtle surprise blooms on both of your faces as you see who is talking.

isn’t that min?

soobin looks down at the name tag as he sees the word “miya“. when he met min and confided with them on how they also had to travel to another timeline to come out to their parents, he had a feeling that that meant they were here; but he didn’t expect them to work in the diner. the boy has walked past the art supply store a few times but never entered—because he only knows min, not miya.

“hi, this is still open, right?” you questioned.

“yeah! we’re open 24/7 now. you can sit anywhere you like.” the woman gestures to the numerous seats as you and him take off to one of the booths. settling on the cushion, your eyes still wander on the interior rapidly. fingers tapping in an undetermined rhythm as soobin looks across from him to your active sightseeing self. realizing his gaze from a small peek, you turn your head towards him and give a shrug.

“this is so weird!” you mouthed towards him as a shadow came from beside you, placing the menu on the table. staring at the names, your eyes sparkle as you see the overall diner menu that still has the same cuisines from what you remember—with a few new ones you don’t recognize.

“which one do you want?” you utter to the boy.

“i’ll follow you. you’re the one that knows.” he juts his chin towards you, signaling you to pick for him.

as you speak of the order, soobin turns towards the other woman in the room. miya still likes her shoulder-length hair just like how he remembers min has—though styled differently as min has a more masculine appearance. yet, he still can see the feminine influences in her looks as he could only remember min with their neutral look that is a combination of cottagecore and hipster—perfect for a place like haeyang.

then you cut off his thoughts, “hey, uh, miya?”

“yes?”

“is miss ahn still working here or??”

soobin hears you utter a familiar name. the last time he heard it was before he moved here. yeonjun has spoken of miss ahn before as she works in his favorite dining place—getting away from his stepmom’s wrath every time she went home after lectures. at that time he was in the original timeline with him though, he doesn’t hang out at the diner as much. soobin only knows of the diner from yeonjun’s story of him and (y/n) or the takeout both of them ate as they hung out.

“my aunt is still working here. but she’s taking the day shift, so here i am working for the night one.”

“oh, and also…” soobin cuts in, surprising you too. “don’t you also have a store for art supplies and such? i’ve seen you around there before.”

miya raises her eyebrows, stunned, “i do. it’s my mom’s actually. she works there most of the time and i help around as best as i can. working two jobs within the family business,” the woman chuckles, her hands still holding onto the notepad and pencil. “anything else?”

“can we…” you immediately spoke. “can we have two strawberry donuts, please? i don’t know if you cook them all day too because the display case is empty.”

“well… i have the entire night to spend making them. so two strawberry donuts it is.”

“thank you so much.” you convey a smile as miya walks away, slowly turning your head towards him as the smile turns sheepish.

“what are you thinking about?” soobin mumbled as you took the scenery once again before turning back to him.

“it’s been a long time since i went here. yet it all still feels the same as a decade ago. especially when i’m with yeon…” your voice trails off as soobin follows your eyeline. it’s set on the stools that are overlooking the counter, making it easier for customer to look at their orders being processed. soobin can clearly visualize who you’re with as he can see the imaginary apparitions of the young you he knows—the visualizer comes from the childhood photo you and he exchanged—and the young boy who is your childhood best friend.

“you don’t have to answer right away though, but i notice that you’ve been pausing when you almost say someone’s name.” soobin now takes the bait because of your pauses. he can’t wait longer to hear what your relationship with his former best friend, even if it’s different timeline-wise.

“fuck you for being so attentive.” you playfully nudge his hand on the table with yours. the expression you show becomes solemn once again as you open the cabinet in your memories of a certain boy you left a decade ago.

“back when i lived in haeyang, i had a childhood best friend named yeonjun. he’s like the ideal best friend you wanna have in your life. back then, we were always together. those stools right there,” you point towards the stools you gaze, “those were our designated seats here. every time we left school and before going home, we always hung out around downtown. this diner. the ice cream parlor. the bookstore which is now gone…”

you chuckled to yourself as soobin could imagine you playing the memories in your head like a movie, all before your smile turned downwards.

“then i had to move because of a job opportunity my mom had. but, i remember an anecdote around that time when i played at yeonjun’s house, i was drawing something while he was playing mario kart on the nintendo ds, hearing the sounds of the jingling doorknob of the front door as i saw his mom come in with the groceries, looking frazzled.” soobin’s attention caught on to the words as he can predict what yeonjun’s mom would be like—moments away safe from a car accident that could change your whole path in life.

“yeah, so a few days after that, i mentioned to him i’ll be moving to the city and yeonjun had this cute pout on his face before he hugged me so tight that my back hurt, saying that he’ll be missing me. that was a decade ago when children didn’t have social media to note who they were friends or acquaintances with—i was too young to even be allowed to open one by myself. so… yeah… we separated and i never reached out to him since.” you sighed, putting your head in your hands as you rubbed your face: bare of make-up.

“i want to, you know? reach out to him again. but i don’t know what i’m gonna feel. what if he forgot about me? 10 years is a long time,” plates of food and glasses of beverages are placed on the table as you hold on to the fork and knife, ready to munch it down by the looks of your face as you smell the delicious aroma.

“i don’t even know if he’s here or not. he might actually go to college somewhere else ‘cause i don’t see him around here or anyone that looks like him…” you continued as you cut a slice of the chicken before letting yourself consume it.

soobin recalls the conversation he had with original timeline (y/n) and how yeonjun is pursuing his love of video games in a college, but not in haeyang. but, this timeline’s you know nothing about it. something that makes a pang in soobin’s heart and something that seems to hit you too as you emote it so explicitly. he suddenly remembers what his dad would do when someone looks so sad, especially when there are fries on the plate.

you were focusing on eating your food when you heard a muffled call of your name. looking up, you snickered as you tried not to choke on your saliva, seeing soobin’s eyes smile with a skim glaze of regret as he’s sticking two fries so it looks like he has fangs between his top lip and upper teeth.

“soob- HAHAHAHA!” your body laughs along with your voice as soobin can’t control it anymore and follows along with you—plucking the fries and putting one in his mouth before shoving the other into yours. you continue to laugh as you chew the fried potato slice before you calm yourself down, wiping your eyes from the tears.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” you smack his upper arm as soobin grimaces, a look of playfulness showing on his face while you facepalm yours.

“a technique my old man has to make people laugh. glad i could make that work,” soobin answered with giggles between his words as you clenched your abdomen, can’t stop imagining soobin like that, especially since the fries were crooked when he did it.

“you looked like a dumb walrus,” you reply with a grin on your face as soobin’s smiley face follows along, showing his dimples that just melt you more.

“i’m your dumb walrus.”

“shut the fuck up.” you pick up a handful of fries before throwing it to him.

“oh, (l/n) (y/n). you don’t know what you’ve done, did you?” soobin rises from his seat and walks to your side of the booth. you bite your bottom lip as you scurry away deeper into the booth before he attacks you with tickles.

his fingers fluttered against your skin as you giggled, your own hands reaching out to tickle his sides as his body weakened and fell on top of yours. hairs fluttered everywhere as you both laughed, not caring if miya could see you because no other person was there other than her. his hand moves to push your hair away from your face as he stares down. your breathtaking face underneath the white ceiling lights, a different scenery than the dim lights that usually surround you both. his lips parted as he tried his best to breathe. that’s when you reach your hands around his neck and tuck him down, letting his plump lips meet yours.

the kiss started out deeper than the peck you give to him behind other people’s back, but lighter than the lustful ones you both indulged when you know fucking is the next stage. your hand caressing the ends of his black locks that are getting longer on his nape, an unfamiliar passion being shared between the two of you before you push his chest. pulling away, he sees your puffy lips from the elongated kiss as he pecks one last time before standing and going back to his seat. both of you chuckled as soobin gathered the fries you’d thrown to his seat back on your plate—some on his nearly empty plate as you squinted your eyes while you watched him eat it.

as you continue eating your late dinner, miya puts down the plate of the strawberry donuts you recognized on the table. drinking to cleanse the palate, you pick up a donut before pushing the plate to soobin, who follows what you’re doing.

“cheers!” you muttered as your donut and soobin’s tapped against each other before you took a bite of the side. the taste of the strawberry glaze on the top opens a cabinet full of memories of the time you and yeonjun always went here for it. the way your uniforms are a mess because of the hastiness of the time when yeonjun picks you up from your class. untied shoes, missing socks, and untucked shirts between the two of you as you remember the giggles flowing out of you two all throughout the streets and the diner’s interior.

it was you and yeonjun against the world at that time.

and now, you think, it’s you and soobin against the world.

placing the payment to miya as you pulled out your debit card, soobin’s clinginess comes back as his hands draped around your body from behind. yet, you don’t understand if he’s doing this because he’s horny or because he just wants to, which is weird when you’re taking into account your relationship status. friends with benefits was something that people usually hide behind others, something you and soobin agreed upon when you both decide to do it. but there’s something more lingering between the two of you as you and him start to get closer. it usually turns people off if they decide to indulge in it, but you also start to submit to it even when you’re not noticing—your mind makes you remember it with the locked hands as you guide him to the diner from the bus just from tonight.

then, you also remember the excerpt of thoughts you wrote about him and how it influenced you. maybe that’s what you’re feeling.

stepping out of the diner lets you both be blasted by the night breeze as you both tug your outers closer to your bodies. soobin’s hand holding yours as he tucks it into the front pocket of his hoodie. you and he try to match your feet when you walk as the giggle fest continues and flies into the open air.

“you know, soob. you’re nearly the epitome of love languages today.” words are spoken by you as the two of you waited for the red light of the crossing to turn green on the way to the campus grounds.

“what gives?” he puckered his lips, the deep dimple on his cheek showing as you both then continued walking. the light of the headlights from the car stopping at the red light illuminates your legs as you pass by.

“words of affirmation like what we spoke about, giving gifts with the necklace you gave me and the movie ticket, physical touch like,” you looked down at your hand tucked in soobin’s pocket, “right now, and quality time like the whole of tonight. you’re lucky i have a noon class today.”

soobin pokes his tongue to the walls of his cheek as he hums and continues walking as you both try to keep pace with each other. that’s when he sensed your grip in his hand getting tighter, making him pivot towards you as he raised his eyebrows.

“you never told me the reason you asked me to hang out tonight…” you asked, leaning forward as you let out a pout. your chin almost resting against his chest as you glance up.

“it’s… did you meet jeno today?” he tried to conceal it, but being straightforward seemed to be the right choice instead of tittering about the topic. at the mention of jeno, your pout falls away as you avert your eyes from him.

“han told me about it. he says that you were looking upset. so i brought you with me to clear your mind.” he continues as you nod.

“well, you did just that before you told me the whole reason, you dumb-dumb.” a genuine frown shows up on your face.

“hey! you’re the one who is asking…” he replied before he leaned forward, giving a peck to your temple. “besides, this whole thing that we are doing is the last love language that you’re talking 4 out of 5 of it.”

“huh?” you stopped as he cupped your cheek, turning your frown to a smile as he lifted the corners up.

“my act of service for you.”

-

soobin glances down at the sketches he made in his sketchbook. the combination of flowers and space-like caricatures being shaded with the blunt pencil as he can feel the callus forming near his fingertips because of the way he holds it. tracings outside of the main sketches are left untouched as the graphite’s residue stains his skin, creating splotches of color which tells the tale that the people who are drawn on that paper will not have the perfect figure, including hands and feet.

it’s been a day after he brought you back to your hall after your night out; spending the turn of the day together. he remembered your disappointed face when he told you he couldn’t join you in your room. not that he doesn’t want to, but the reminder of your relationship status stops and reminds him that you both are friends. soobin also reminds you of your class in the afternoon and how you have a meeting with the fashion show crew, how your face lets out a sudden surprise before resuming back to a bummer. yet, it’s a disappointment deeper than what he used to see. the way your eyes glance at him before he left makes him recall how your face fell when he mentioned jeno. a look he never sees on you, yet you shake your head away as you show him the small smile he adores. even with that, the eyes can’t lie.

in the numerous sketches he had drawn yesterday and today, he also made a sketch of your eyes as he remembered them—visualizing the emotion he sensed when you glanced at him. even han commented on it when he stumbles into the room where soobin is tattooing a guy in their parlor, seeing the sketch on his work desk even with its unfinished status; it still looks good and real.

after class yesterday, he had a tattoo appointment for a client. a guy who requested wanted a simple tree on his lower arm that soobin sketched out. when the client told him what he was sketching represented one of haeyang’s signatures, he couldn’t help but remember the tattoo he gave to yeonjun from his original timeline: the tattoo of the ocean wave and the mountain to represent haeyang. soobin could recollect how the other boy grimaces as he grips the bed sheet when tattooing—it is near the neck where nerves go through to the spine and he can imagine how ticklish and hurtful it must be. that’s when he looks up from the back when tattooing to see the face of the yeonjun he knows. his pink hair is still there yet fading away as the bleached locks show up because he’s too lazy to dye it back. soobin had to tell himself to get rid of that thought so he didn’t ruin the tattoo for the client; the hand holding the gun trembling as he remembered his best friend.

as the mid-term week is nearing, soobin has been focusing more on finishing his mid-term projects as a way to “clear his mind.” but the events of the week’s start still haunt him like a shadow behind a beam. yet, they inspired him to do his projects. all the ideas flowing in his mind for his animation and visual storytelling classes are everything related to isolation, loneliness, alien and outer space surroundings. he’s glad that his projects are all individual works cause he doesn’t wanna bother to tell people why he chose aliens in the first place as a topic to do.

soobin rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat back down on his chair after showering, yet working on the sketches of anything involving what goes on in his mind—mid-term projects, client orders, and you—still makes him sweat profusely. it’s like he could see himself in a third-person view, his figure leaning against the desk with his open sketchbook, his open laptop, and the digital drawing pad left on while he’s here burning his mind out. in times like this, he usually has one of his friends that he relies on, usually han as they are the closest. but when he’s feeling existential, he concludes that only he can understand how to handle it. people’s gonna say he’s crazy if he tells them that this is not his home and that he wants to go home to somewhere beyond this current space and time.

just like what he heard from you two days ago and how you reached out to him at the right time to think about everything all over.

y/n: hey bun!!

y/n: you got free time today?

he reads the screen after the vibration passes, unlocking it and typing his answer before his mind stops him once again.

soobin: yeahhh

y/n: come to my room pls. need help

‘what are you up too?’ he asked himself, yet his body reacted in an instant as he packed his bag before going out of his room. the journey to your hall doesn’t really take long since it’s just a few buildings from here. however, when he walks out the hallways and onto the paths of the campus grounds, he can sense his being floating away. a few people who recognized him gave a small greeting, yet all he could do was give a small nod and smile before he went past them. not everybody knows soobin like everybody knows you, but he can perceive the unintentional pressure of being a known person in his year, his major, or even the whole alt scene in haeyang institute.

stepping inside the hall, he climbs the familiar flights of stairs that is imprint in his memory ever since you showed him which room is yours, knowing which side he should walk to not bump into anyone he comes across. his feet automatically walked through the hallways where guys, girls, and more hang out in the communal areas or even just by the walls in front of the rooms. seeing your name on the board as he walks to the door, he knocks on it with his signature set of knocks you’ll recognize. not going to lie to himself; this feels like the time when he waited in front of the same door at the start of the week, where he was horny and want to meet you, but he realized that you aren’t who you are—an alternate version of you is there instead.

the door opens as a hand reaches out and suddenly grabs his wrist, pulling him inside as it slams shut faster than when it opens, startling himself and even you. you rested your back against the door in an outfit he recognizes as the outfits you usually wear in your room—the tank top and shorts combo. adorning your neckline is a simple gold chain from one of your jewellery collections and he could see the ink of your matching tattoo with his from the sleeveless top. yet, your eyes appear like it was blasted open as the shock dissipates and is replaced with calm, combined with your shuffled hair as you step closer to him.

“glad you came,” you said as you tugged on his wrist. “now, can you undress for me, please?”

“woah woah, (y/n).” he tenses up his arm, “you sure you want us to do this? you’re frazzled.”

“what do you mean- oh for fuck’s sake, soobin!” you turn away as his body follows, eyes widening at the view of the rest of your room.

fabrics of all different colors are thrown on the floor as you lay out your folding desk out from the corner of your room. separated parts of clothing already cut and needed to be sewn together. he catches the green flannel fabric he saw a few nights ago now already become a crop top shirt, a fishnet top showing underneath it around the midriff and stomach area with a creme skort around the waist; the gold necklace he gave to you finishing the outfit. other than that, he sees the other finished clothes thrown on your mattress, some with a semblance of clothes, but some are still too wide to even be called clothes.

“you’re gonna help be my mannequin for just a few of my pieces. just stand there and look pretty while i adjust how it will look.” soobin hears your command, seeing the pencil behind your ear leaf as you tug one of the clothing to him. a light brown-colored shirt made of silk that is around the size of his torso—buttons are still not sewn as soobin reaches behind him, pulling his t-shirt off and exposing his skin to you. he smirks when he heard you little gasp before you walk towards the desk, pulling out pieces of the clothing on the stacks from the top of your bed.

tucking his arms into the sleeves, he realized how wide the diameter was and that it fit perfectly for him. but when he looks down, he notices the end of the sleeves covering nearly half of his palm. the opening of the shirt rested on his body, making a silver of his skin exposed. humming a tune that he shared with you, you turn around with your nose scrunching as you take in the sight of soobin in your sewn shirt. you glance towards the excess fabric as you kneel, making soobin follow your movement as you pull the pencil from your ear, the other hand reaching for his.

“is this around your wrist?” your touch seeps from behind the fabric as you let your fingertip trail up his covered palm to his wrist.

“that’s the one.” soobin confirmed as your thumb pressed on his wrist, right above where the pulse should be.

“okay,” you replied hastily, pushing the pointy tip of your pencil against the fabric where he had told you as you moved with your knees on the floor towards the other hand, finding the right spot and creating small line marks on both of them. pushing yourself up with your hands gripped around his lower arm, they hover around his torso as you grab the ends where the buttons should be and gently pull them simultaneously. yet, the small exert of force still makes soobin hunch forward.

“stand tall.” you push his chin up with your fingers as you tuck the ends towards each other; soobin straightens his back and sees that the ends overlap. your hand plays around with your pencil and turns it around your knuckles and digits expertly. leaning close, soobin can sense your breath against his body as you mark where the shirt ends overlap with each other. he could feel the tickling sensation threaten to burst him but he’s trying his best not to let out a giggle, focusing on you who is biting your bottom lip in focus.

“you’re so tense.” soobin replied as he reached his hand up towards your face, pushing his thumb against the tightened muscles between your eyebrows. he watched your stare calming down from the tension as you tilted your gaze at him. it’s a habit of his when he sees you frowning or jittery, not wanting you to create unnecessary wrinkles on your face just from a bad mood. but, he detected that it’s been there multiple times for the past few months. the way your face looks more tired than usual when you’re not wearing make-up—still his favorite looks of yours. the area under your eyes is sunken as he sees the dark circles forming. your cupid’s bow also turned downwards naturally with the emotions you’re having. the way you have been hiding something from him in your usual pillow talks to even sleeping right after: a sign of your tiredness.

“distract me then,” you replied as you leaned back, allowing a small smile out as you diverted towards your table; pulling out a piece of pants made of dark blue flannel fabric as he took it from you.

“what’s these outfits for?” he pulls down his sweatpants even without your command as you rotate away and rummage to your little cabinets full of pins, needles, and threads. turning around, soobin holds onto the top of the hem of the pants as you carefully tug the shirt in, pulling out the safety pins you bring.

“the fashion show,” you mumbled as you tucked the pins onto the hem of the pants so they fit perfectly with his hips. “the schedule for my model search moved forward into two weeks from now and i can’t do the fitting if my clothes aren’t done. so i have to, at least, make some of the outfits now that i already sketched them out. that’s why i couldn’t contact you yesterday cause i was doing that sort of stuff while juggling with classes and meetings. “

you continue putting the pin on the shirt he’s wearing, right in the middle of his mid-riff as the shirt only shows the chest part of his torso, “and i see a lot of flannels.”

“yeah, made of deadstock fabrics. i still wonder why people don’t use any of the fabrics available instead of using new ones ‘cause you can find gems within the fabrics that people say are ‘outdated’. “ you let out a smile as you pull down your fingers from making the air quotes, taking in the outfit you made him put on. grabbing your sketchbook, you made notes on the exact outfit sketched as soobin stood there leaning on one of his feet, effortlessly modeling for you.

“how do you feel? do you think there’s something amiss?” soobin’s body is being turned by you to the full-body mirror leaning against your wall. your head peeking from behind him as he takes a look at the outfit, seeing the expanse of his skin bare and in need of something to fill it up.

“a necklace would look good. the chest part looks kinda empty,” he answered to his own question.

“that’s what i was thinking.” you pat his shoulder before going to your bed again. you pick up a black tank top and cargo pants as you twist to him, his hand/eye coordination works in tandem when you throw the pieces his way—which he catches perfectly.

“i’ve been wanting to try a fashion set with flannel in them. it can blend in as an all-year type of fabric based on when you wear it and how you style it. it is that versatile.” you mentioned as you returned to the desk, hearing the ruffle of fabric pulled from behind you when you found the sheer fabric that you had only finished making the torso part.

soobin looks surprised as he takes in the star-patterned fabric you tossed to him. the silver sparkles refract the light from the sun coming in when you only give him the part that appears like a vest. then, you bring a long rectangle fabric that you hold near your chest as soobin puts on the unfinished piece. when he allows his eyes to roam once again, he catches onto the other theme he doesn’t notice the whole time as he focuses on the flannel: the space-themed fabric.

he finally sees that one of the tops you made—a sleeveless tube-style top—has the patterns of the moon phase on it. an outer made of cargo was painted with the monochromatic two-color version of earth enlarged, leaving only nearly 2/3 shown on the fabric. accessories that you’ve picked and put on top of outfits have a star, a sun, a moon, or a planet. he shifts back to you as you continue to put the same sheer fabric for the vest he wears on his arm, wrapping the width of it around his muscles.

“is this too tight?” you pulled the fabric around his arm as it wrapped around the skin, making his arm full of speckles of stars—perfectly seeing the image of space on his skin with his saturn tattoo on his upper sleeve.

“nah,” he replied, making you grin as you pinched the two ends of the fabric before marking the right place to sew. “what’s with the space concept?”

head tilts up, you lick your lips as you pull yourself away to place the fabric away. you return with a measuring tape as you let him take off the vest he wore, letting you see him only with the tank top and the pants you just finished sewing last night.

“if you think of it, you might see the square in the flannel fabric as stars like i do. a similar pattern, yet one is so coordinated while the other is chaotic,” you responded while measuring around his legs; length and diameter, from his waist to his chest.

you let out a giggle from the words you said as soobin lets out a pout, the dimples on his forming—it is his curious face after all. however, he felt like you were restricting something.

“not gonna lie, i was having a burnout at the start to choose what kind of theme should i come up with for this line. this is, like… the first time i made outfits that aren’t for me to use. that’s why all of them started so oversized because i have to think about the models that are gonna use my creations.” soobin sees your mouth move as you put the measuring tape from his shoulder to his wrist, and continue writing the numbers in the book.

“but then i got reminded of you. your love for flannel shirts for an outer and the space-like tattoos on you, and both of them seem so...” you subtly lick your lips, “alternative. and that’s why i decided street fashion is like the basic style of it. using flannel and space-themed fabrics all around to showcase my arts and skills.”

soobin sees you stepping back, hand reaching up to your waist after putting the measuring tape around your neck. the plastic material of the tape grazes your skin at the neck as you give him a sheepish smile.

“i just realized that you’re my muse for this line.” you chuckled while shaking your head, brushing your hair away as you massaged your temple. the boy hoped he wasn’t doubting it, that you genuinely mentioned to him how he is your muse for this whole collection, like you to him with his tattoo ideas and sketches he has made.

your body leans back against the windowsill as your shoulder relaxes. the sunbeam reflecting your face as you stretch your spine. the way you close your eyes and sigh, he realizes just how vulnerable you may seem to be. the way you describe what you’re doing to yourself yesterday makes him figure out that you’re overworking a tad bit too much from the regular. but you are a workaholic after all and it seem to be in your second nature to do juggle these complicated things.

yet, soobin worries for you more than you realize. maybe even more than your best friends realized.

“i’m done with five outfits now. i gotta finish sketching the others,” you mumbled to yourself, making soobin invisible before you opened your eyes and met his.

“what is your usual place to get inspiration?” you questioned.

and soobin knows exactly the answer.

“there’s this music store that i buy things from. they have listening rooms so i picked up a few vinyl lps, tapes, or cds before plugging in and letting them inspire what i was making next.”

“that sounds so nice…” you let out a little smirk, “you think you can introduce me to that today?”

“i’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he replied, making you widen your eyes as he looked like he was being caught; making both of you chortle. you roll them playfully as you push yourself off from the windowsill.

“alrighty, we shall change our clothes then.” you tuck the curtains of your window so it closes until there’s only a little gap, letting the light go in but more of them have a bit of shade. soobin carefully reaches for the clothes you make draping his body and take them off as you turn towards your wardrobe, opening the doors to let him see the outfits you have worn—some he recognized and also didn’t. as you reached for the bottom of your tank top, he realized just how you also didn’t mind changing in front of him. well, you both have seen each other naked in many ways.

however, soobin’s eyes landed on something on your waist.

as you let your tank top and shorts hang on the small rack outside of the wardrobe—seems to be reserved for the finished outfits for the show but you don’t care, soobin analyzes the anomaly on your skin: a dark patch on the right side of your waist. it’s large enough that it stretches from the top of your underwear to the dip in your waist, and dark enough that it looks brand new. he sure has bruised you up when you have sex, but the last time he had sex with you was a few nights ago and he didn’t hold you that tight.

“you’re bruised up.”

your head rotates sideways, peeking from the corner of your eyes towards him, “it, it’s okay. i was in a hurry and accidentally hit a table’s edge. it hurts but not as painful as yesterday when it happened,” you assured as you tuck the ends of your top for the day down to cover it.

a hit to the edge of a table doesn’t make a bruise that deeply colored. he knows because he has done that tons of times before. so, it’s either that that didn’t happen or you’ve crashed yourself against the table so hard. it made him super skeptical, but he had no right to demand an answer from you.

he’s not your significant other after all.

when you both walk down the path and sidewalk of the street to the music shop he had introduced—both of you coupling up with your sketchbooks and bags in hand—soobin always stands by your side as he seems to be worried that you might accidentally hit something. you felt his hand hovering behind your lower back, eyes wandering around to see stray poles on the cracked concrete pavement before navigating you to walk around it. the heat of the sun hitting both of you as you let the afternoon shine evaporate the tiredness out of you.

he detects, from your expression, how curious you are of the place he goes to, strolling around the neighborhood he has familiarized himself with as your legs walk at the same pace as his. both of you went past the bars that many college students go to and many more hangout places. but the place he and you approached looked almost abandoned with a more run-down appearance than the cafes you passed by. yet, when he pushed the door inwards to the unseemingly quaint shop, he heard you whoop.

the sound of harmonies playing from the speaker makes his heartbeat follow along. inside the building, the racks of jackets full of vinyl lp, compact discs, and tapes erected from the ground like a block of skyscrapers. the whole interior design of the music store looks like the combination of hipster style and cottagecore—something that is so haeyang-coded. as it was in the afternoon on a weekday when people are more focused on lunch, the place was empty except for the owner manning the cashier: the same man he and yeonjun met when they discovered this little gem. at that time, all three of them were talking about what it means to be a punk, what the situation was when the man’s love for music grew—including his punk phase. the man is a music connoisseur as he answers with the tacit bits of knowledge memorized in his head—a smile on his face as he can’t help but be glad to see younger generations discovering older songs.

even though in this timeline soobin and the man just started getting closer when he is in the institute, the man doesn’t change much when he meets him again. he still has the sound of jazz fusion playing in his store—becoming the staple background music that guides people to pick which album they want to listen until they go to the listening booths and might claim it as theirs.

“soobin!” the man’s exclaim seems to surprise you enough with his booming voice that you put your hand on your chest.

“mr. kim! any of the listening booths are empty?”

“all of them are, and…” the man’s head turns towards you as you give a nod. he gives a small, subtle gesture to soobin as he steps closer, leaving you to stare at the racks of jazz musicians’ albums in front of you.

“that’s the girl?” mr. kim whispered as he nodded. the older man had caught him mumbling about you before when soobin was drawing his sketches, a silhouette of a woman in front of a window, as he wore the headphones while sitting by the turntables. mr. kim was the first person he even confided with about you—and original timeline (y/n) was the second one. he didn’t mention that you both are friends with benefits, just a friend who he has underlying feelings for.

soobin hummed, a tight lip smile formed along with his dimples, and the man tapped his arms as he follows his expression with his own set of dimples.

“which ones do you want to hear? i think i still have some prog rock albums that aren’t in the racks as i haven’t put them out of the crate.” mr. kim mentioned, motioning to the crate where it has a board and words written in red marker that says, “sell your vinyls, tapes, and cds here for PROFIT!!”; like a pawn shop for physical music media that is dwindling along with the gentrification of haeyang’s culture.

“i’m just gonna grab the one i’m still listening to. also, is the ok computer vinyl still there?”

“it’s sold, but the tape version is still there. you know how to set it up, right?”

soobin playfully rolls his eyes and his smile widens, “of course i do.” then, his eyes go back to you, who is looking at the assortment of blue note records jazz album covers. your fingers stop pushing the album towards you as you continue gazing at the cover.

“why is this so cool though?” you muttered to yourself as he approached, taking pictures on your phone as you flicked the jacket and saw another one behind it. soobin picks up the album he hasn’t finished listening to on the rack across from you and the white radiohead tape that seems to be from the japan release—even with the different writing script, the color scheme can’t fool him for any other album.

“you wanna listen to an album?” he asked, his low register voice vibrating until it reached you. you looked up after taking another picture of the jazz album cover to see him in front of you. the racks stand in both of your ways to each other.

“no, i just like the album covers. like, the more i think of it, the more underrated that album cover as a form of art is,” you said before tucking your phone in your pocket and placing the albums back in their positions.

“that’s what i said before!” he exclaimed back, startling you before your eyes curled, “i mean, i have thought about that before and it is underrated. glad that we have that thought on the same page.” he continues as you just chuckle.

soobin’s moving figure makes you follow him as you meet three doors with a frosted glass window and a small room inside them. entering through one, you’re met with a wall covered in sound-deafening foam and others with musician posters—similar to what soobin’s room looks like in his hall. the floor is carpeted as cushions are available on the floor across the table that holds a radio-turntable combo; serving for vinyl lp, cd, tape, usb, and radio with their dedicated ports and places. ‘so neat.’ you said to yourself.

as soobin closes the door, you can’t help but snicker as he seems to think of what your reaction is, tugging off the shoes as you let your feet graze the carpeted floor. the boy puts down the vinyl disc on the turntable as he adjusts the needle carefully—your careful eyes seeing the shiny part of the disc from the rigged ones. the noise and texture sounds then become clear as the sound of the loud instrumental rings by the room, making him turning the knob of the volume down.

you both settle down as you smell the fresh clean air from the air purifier. the sound of the frantic instrumentals makes you second guess yourself from the sound that you usually listen to with the boy before you. soobin seems to not open his sketchbook as he nods his head to the beat, following the bass hidden underneath the layers. he pushes his body down against the table, making him sit across from where you stand as you can listen to the soundscape of the room change from the combination of the song playing and the hum of the air conditioner. his eyes closed as you watch him enjoying the music while you pull the cushion after putting your bag down; sitting right on it right in front of him as you push the other cushion towards him.

soobin has a small smile that is growing and growing when he hears music he enjoys; a habit that you recognize from the many times he and you are listening to some recognizable or new songs at parties. but, as you heard the song turning mellow, his facial expressions change—lips still in the same position but the way his muscles relaxed makes you also exhale. you had never seen him this serene before. though he is more on the quiet and—sometimes—colder side, you haven’t seen him look this calm and collected in the whole time you know him.

maybe there is something that you don’t know about soobin, the same as he does about you.

sighing wistfully, you let your back slide down on the wall across from him as he sways his head and slaps his thighs to the rhythm. you tug your sketchbook to your lap and let your feet meet his own as your toes curl on top of his; making soobin awoken from his trance as you take in the new sound that seems to be a new song playing.

“shit, fuck! sorry…” he said as you see him rubbing his face, a certain pressure pressed near his eyes as you see a little tear falling out that is probably from the moist.

“i don’t want to interrupt you but you’re the one that invited me here. and you’re the one who chooses the albums and-“

“yeah. i always just fell into an immediate trance when hearing prog rock.” soobin said as he let his spine straight: a position similar to what you are doing.

“prog rock?” your eyes blink.

“progressive rock. your typical rock sound, but it has a more psychedelic tinge and more progressive, hence the synths and name,” he described as you nodded. you recognized his affinity for alt-rock, but you didn’t know that he also listened to more sophisticated and complex things you didn’t know existed until now. maybe it’s because of the people that surround you and him make you think he listens to mainstream music that college kids listen to—and even if it’s an older one, it’s popular because of social media.

“which band is this?” your question is met with a small smile.

“this is genesis‘ ‘and then there were three‘, the band’s first album after one of their members left, which is a ridiculous name because of how laughable it is.” he giggled the last few syllables out before calming himself, “but they’re so good. the drummer is the frontman, which, at that time is, so rare to find and i think it still is now. i’m currently running down their discography and have listened to all the albums before this for almost a month now. so, that’s why i’m focusing on it instead of doing anything else.”

“but, you don’t listen to this track seriously?” your pitch rises, head tilting towards one of your shoulders.

“this track is my favorite of the album because i stumbled on it by accident while searching for new music to stream. the last track of the album, follow you follow me.” he said as the exact words were being sung by the frontman, coming from the speakers. “and after this, i’m moving to radiohead…”

the lyrics ring inside your head as soobin’s fingers tap against his bent knees, curling them close to his chest as you fit in between him and the wall. the song tells a call for adventure as the man calls for his partner if they will follow him as he follows them. your eyes move around his face, his eyes looking elsewhere in a trance as he follows the rhythm. seeing his defined jawline casting a shadow from the ceiling lights and the words of the lyrics being analyzed in your mind, you think of how it matches with your situation.

you two have been following along with each other. even if you have friends here in the form of karin, elle, and yizhuo—soobin is the only friend you can comfortably talk with, and he seems to be like that to you too. but even now, you notice just how he has been trying to keep up with you. when it comes to soobin, you never spend more than twice a week with him. yet, here you are on your third outing. it gives off, to you, a sense of the unknown. you don’t know what he’s been thinking of you to make you go with him nor why you are always agreeing to go as he asked at such lucky times. maybe, time and fate have their own significance for each other. maybe, it’s the words you’ve written in the note titled ‘he’ about him. maybe, it’s the whole situation you are now in that you wanna escape from. and you felt the pain in your waist coming back again.

as you leave your own trancing daydream, you view soobin’s back turned towards you as he puts in the tape to the rectangle-shaped player and presses the play button. he carefully wipes the dust off the vinyl disc before returning it to the jacket, the sound of a wailing guitar heard as he puts the disc jacket on the table, returning to face you as he places the sketchbook against the muscles of his folded legs. you let the music play as the vastness calls for the ideas in your head out into the room, waiting for you to piece them up and show them outward with your design.

“what are you making?” you asked him as you saw a few bordered rectangles on his sketchbook.

“a storyboard. for class. you?”

“finishing up the outfit sketches.” the reply is already on the tip of your tongue as you easily speak out. soobin lets out a smile you’ve seen so much that you know what it implies.

“let’s battle it out! we have until the album ends to make the most progress between both of us. then, we’re gonna compare them!” soobin said, matching his vigor with the underlying one you have exuding from your eyes and body language.

“deal! as the next song starts?” soobin hums to your reply as you let the guitar continues the run along with the wailing vocals.

the starting note of the next song is queueing you up as you let your pencil brush against the paper, leaving a trail of lines that culminate to become a drawing as the song continues. taking a glimpse at soobin, his eyes are staring at his page as his hand moves around the paper. the sound of scratches from both pencils creates echos that adds to the soundscape of the room. your thumb brushing against the graphite as you create shading as best as you can, fingerprints tainted by the grey substance as you focus back on continuing—not wanting to lose the battle.

no spoken word is needed as the two of you sketch the hour away, sometimes catching each other’s eyes as you take a peek from behind your page. soobin’s not-so-comfortable position makes him straighten his legs toward you. his legs are now on either side of you, almost encasing you between his legs as you continue before you retaliate by putting your feet on top of his thighs. the hour passed and you let the last note ring before it fades. you pat the seat beside you as soobin crawls, pushing his cushion first so he sits exactly by your side. you let him have his moment to settle as he leans against the foam wall, remembering your muttering between the two of you on how you’re the lucky one to get the wall instead of him.

“if you don’t share your hand, you lose. rock paper scissors!.” soobin exclaimed as you instantly reacted, putting out your hand out of the three choices. your eyes stare between the two hands as you let out a grunt, seeing you lose your hand against him.

“you first!” soobin exclaimed like a child as he waited eagerly to show him what you made. snuggling closer, you let soobin wrap his arm comfortably around your shoulders as you open the pages you’ve filled, noted with words by your wooden pencil that seem shorter than before. your palm has patches of graphite and even left fingerprints on the light-colored paper.

“it’s basically like the ones i’ve made. the ‘alternative scene-street style’ idea. i realized that i don’t really have to design an entire outfit because i wanna incorporate more graphic t-shirts.” you guide soobin’s eye line with the other end of your pencil, showing a figure of a male with a t-shirt and pants that look so much like him, “i also wanna explore vintage wear and bringing the past back so that i can use that as an excuse to do thrift shopping.”

“but also,” you tugged your knees to your chest as you opened the next page, seeing outfits with squares on them, “i want to push the flannel fabric more while trying to make it genderless. there’s more skirt-shorts combo i wanna try making that can be used by anyone.” you resume, soobin’s eyes move to your face from your hand that is fidgeting with the pencil as he returns to see a small doodle of one of the figures seemingly holding a helmet in their hands.

“what’s that one?”

“this?” you point with the pencil as he hummed.

“i had to continue the space theme somehow, so i added a few elements of that, specifically the old ones like vintage space outfits. i have to find space-themed specific graphic tees and maybe space-themed patches i can sew for the outers. it could be star wars or star trek-based, but it’s definitely gonna be about outer space. so i can conclude that it’s gonna be an alt scene line with flannel as the main fabric and has a vintage theme that includes space elements.” you replied before clearing your throat, a small smile adorning your face as you turned to face him.

“and you have to finish it by when?”

“two weeks. though the others had about a month to finish.” your voice trails out, curving sideways when you speak. yet, soobin caught that as he watched you shaking your head before returning to him.

“now, what do you have?”

soobin opens his book as you both see the rectangles scattered on the pages. scribbles of notes written on the side as well. your eyes observed how most of them are created with the pencil’s infamous shade, except for one thing.

an alien made of blue ink.

trailing through the rectangles you noticed are numbered, you can visualize a crowd of people slowly opening (from the arrows drawn outwards) as the next rectangle focuses on the alien, holding a cup of something that is made by the pencil; a cup that is something so other world for it. the next part is how the composition looks like it is taking place from behind the alien: in the alien perspective as soobin shaded a figure that contrasts with the others that are just outlined. then, a picture of the alien looking solemn as you assume it still looks at the figure before an arrow under the head signals how it will turn its head. the next part is a blurry visual which is made of the graphite pencil being blurred to create an undefined look—catching soobin’s hand who also has patches of them too—as it continues to the next part when the alien opens a door to a balcony.

soobin, knowing that you are done inspecting the final rectangle, turns the page to the next one (the final one) as you are met with a page full of detailed drawings. your eyes expand as you can’t hold back the exclamation when you let your eyes trail the sketches of the planetary bodies decorating the sky, the alien on the left corner of the whole two pages as you examine soobin’s details on what seems to be a comet strip. planets of differing sizes made with blue ink in front of the shaded pencil background. the ring planet design looks the same as soobin’s tattoo as you study the drawing, being pulled in by a feeling that is slowly getting familiar.

“why do you like space so much?” the words came out as you’re still looking at the drawn paper. rustling came from beside you as soobin repositioned himself, preparing to answer such a hard question from a simple sentence.

“well, to me, outer space is a time machine—timeless and mysterious. lights are being beamed across a blank background that was sent millions upon millions of years even before us. it’s something new and old at the same time. yet, we don’t know how to pinpoint anything until we see it. i realized that the world is larger than what i thought when i searched more about it.”

“and the alien?” your words stung him more. gulping down his saliva, he exhales the breath that was caught in his throat. blinking as he tries to find the right answer.

“it’s… me. it’s me.” soobin said, nodding his head before continuing, “i’ve been having this- very existential episodes recently, and the more i see the alien, the more i relate to it. it’s like being stuck within an invisible force that, just, doesn’t want you to adapt. yet, you’re trying your best to do so before you realize that that invisible force was there all along.”

the boy turns towards you, “then it came crashing down as excruciating as an hourglass that has been turned upside down, each grain drops, it becomes more painful as you slowly realize it.” he licked and pouted his lips, his dimples showing up with shadows underneath it courtesy of the lights in the ceiling. as you are taking in his words, you can’t stop yourself from shaking your head even if you want to do it inside your mind only.

“soob, you’re, like, the most adaptable being i’ve known in my life. the way you just embrace haeyang’s alt scene like you’ve stayed here before going to the institute is amazing to me. you even have a job here even if it is commission-based, but you can still independently get money.”

“but, i’m not as adaptable as you, you know? i’ve said this before when we met but you’re a social butterfly who everyone knows. people sing praises to you as you try to include everybody in the conversation. that openness is how you meet me after all—even with us looking like total opposites of each other,” he elaborates as you give him a small grin.

“yet we are the same.” you raise your hand, nearly touching soobin’s face as it creates a small startle from you before he grasps the hand in his and presses it to his cheek. the warmth of him curing the cold on your palm, his eyes looking more like stars that besprinkle the sky beyond the light blue of the day.

you climb onto soobin’s lap as he allows it, his bent knees creating a backrest for you as you slowly ruffle his black hair before tidying it up softly. it’s a habit of yours that soobin notices when you both are in bed after doing everything you did, stabilizing each other’s breathing pace as you play with his head that rested on your chest. soobin, usually, follows along with the rhythm you created as he tries to breathe, looking up towards you who has a shine on your face from the phone while you’re scrolling through your chats in the dim light of his room before you notice him staring at you.

“if you see yourself as an alien, then i’m an alien too.” your hands wrapped around soobin’s broad shoulders, his eyes tilting up as you look downward. he connects your forehead as you meet the sound of his exhales before he closes the gap and lets both sets of lips connect. tilting your head to the side, you let yourself hold on to soobin’s pronounced clavicle as he lets one of his hand cup your face, not wanting to let go. the other hand trailing down your side as it comes across something that makes you yelp.

“OW!” you hiss, tilting back on soobin’s legs as you find his hand at the bruised area of your waist. then, it all comes down in a flood to you as you glance back at soobin’s eyes now full of concern, a look you wish you didn’t see as it just breaks your heart a bit more.

“sorry. i-“ the way his warm palm slowly lands on the surface of the part you’re hurt, as if soothing it down, “i noticed it back in your room. what happened, honestly?”

your breath came out staggering, mind floating elsewhere as you mumbled, “that’s why i relate to you so much.”

“what?”

“oh-“ you’re hoping he didn’t catch that as you continue, “it’s from the fashion show meeting when i acc- accidentally hit the table. i was in a hurry and crashed onto the table. so yeah, haven’t gotten time to compress it yet since i’ve been hustling to finish a few of the outfits.”

“you have to. it’s internal bleeding, (y/n).” his voice presses into a tone that lets out an unfamiliar emotion from when you usually hear from him, making you look away as he still tries to catch your vision’s line. his hand reaches back to cup your cheek as you give up on avoiding him. you can sense the sting in your eyes as if soobin’s gaze is the one that triggers it.

“when’s your deadline supposed to be and why is yours different from the others?” soobin’s voice has an unfamiliar grit to it. you can hear the scratch when he spoke and from how his jaw becomes tense.

“a month from now. and, and that’s because i have so many things to do, soob. other than the outfits, i still have to arrange the show and whatnot-“

“you have juniors and colleagues that can help you with that, (y/n).”

the way soobin speaks about your position on the staff makes your heart feel heavier than ever, and more and more of your tiredness peaks out of their sleep to push you to realize more than you already know. you let him caress the apples of your cheeks as you relish in his warmth that comforts you, that makes you stay awake like the ray from the sun hitting your skin.

as the boy sees you with your eyes closed, calming yourself down as he hears his pulse on his thumb from the push on the surface of your skin, he remembers the specific day on the beach once again.

he observed original timeline (y/n) enjoying the calm wave as the sunbeams put a spotlight on both of them. the boy swears he might’ve picked up her sob as she told him about yeonjun, but he also remembers a sentence that was supposed to be fleeting yet it sticks to him more. he had done one of them before, so why not continue?

“come with me to watch the band gigs tomorrow, bun. it’s a weekly show i usually go to hear and find new indie acts.” your eyes open as soobin brushes your creases before you let out a frown. the way your eyes gleam at him and how you slant your head tells him everything about what you want to say, and that it’s another correct advice to give from the girl he met for a few moments about you. of course, cause she is you.

“bun. i, i want to but there’s another meeting going on and i have to go.” yet even with that, he can understand you speak through your gritted teeth.

“come on. procrastinate with me, (y/n). fuck them for not letting you have your free time.” his hand brushes your hair as you gaze downwards at his rising and falling chest.

“my kpi. soobin. it’s going so well. also, i have to show them i’m a good role model cause many of the juniors join the show team because of me and i feel responsible for that-.”

“and let you do most of the work? that’s not it, you know.” soobin leans his head closer, his thumb pressing on your lip, stopping you from rambling such deflection. you can see your reflection from his wide eyes as if what he cares about at this moment is you and your well-being. he lets his lips kiss yours and his thumb doesn’t hinder the way his lips curve to meet yours even if it’s the corner of your lips.

“i also want my girl to relax.”

his reply melts the hardened substance that is surrounding your heart. if you still want to push to go to that meeting tomorrow, the way he looks at you makes you think otherwise. cause, there’s no fault in having fun, right?

yet, even the word fun seems so foreign to your tongue. even with your outward appearance being the social butterfly people recognize you as—the same people don’t know how you do behind that facade. yet, here is soobin. your intimate friend who seems to want to get closer and closer. well, your status is as friends but with the way he has asked you to hang out with him multiple times this week alone, he’s pushing the boundary of your relationship further and further.

but you remembered the notes you wrote. it is what you want to feel, right?

“ha…” your shoulder slouched before you look down on the thumb on your lip, “fuck it, okay.” you grab his wrist in your palm before fully connecting your lips with his.

-

“come here.”

the sound of pitter-patters from footsteps creates reverberations coming from the bathroom as you walk straight to sit on your mattress.

“close your eyes.”

you let your eyelids cover your sight, protecting it from the afternoon sun that is shining through your window. a 2000s throwback playlist being played as you hear the humming from in front of you following the sung melody. the bed dips right beside you as you feel a cloud of breath against your skin. the pointy pencil eyeliner decorated around your eyelids and down to your waterline, then it was replaced with a brush blending it in with the eyeshadows that also colored the space by your eyes.

“open.”

your eyesight is blurry as you recognize the figure in front of you: karin’s sharp eyes become sharper as she squints whilst tidying up your makeup. the brush caresses near where your eye bags are as you try to flutter the dust out. your lips feel so light because of the amount of lipstick you wore—only one thick layer rather than the whole combination of liners and glosses. you still have the frozen bottle you’re holding by your waist, pressing on the exposed bruised skin from the web-like fabric being lifted with your other hand. the crop top shirt you are wearing rests on your shoulders, creating a sabrina top appearance. the fishnet top peeks from behind the shirt layer along with the straps of your black bra. from the corner of your eyes, you see the star tattoo that soobin inked on your shoulder—not ashamed to cover it up.

“and voilà!” karin exclaimed as she picked up your round vanity mirror, tilting it towards you as you examined the makeup she helped you with. it was simpler than what you usually wear for parties. your thick liquid eye-lined eyes are now a bit more rounded because of the pencil eyeliner that is painted on your lid and your eye line at the bottom. the blush isn’t too thick to let you show your complexion from the textures of your skin to your dark circle. but it’s different for your lips as you wear the darkest shade you can find. karin’s hand pulls the sleeve of your green flannel top a bit more downwards as she shows a bit of herself in the mirror from behind you.

“well?” your smile replicates her signature smirk.

“i love it! thank you, boo.”

“you’re welcome, babes!” she exclaims, her hands pulling the mirror off of your hands and plopping it to the side. your torso being held on the shoulders as you watch karin scanning your outfit. then, she reaches for your collar. a tug from her making a bit of your head and neck move as she adjusts the necklace you’re wearing, letting the gold out so it can shine underneath the ceiling lights.

“look at you being an alt kid. this is gonna be your rockstar look day-in day-out,” she replied as you let out a tight lip smile. though she noticed the way your palm was rubbing against itself. instantly, she stopped it, feeling how sweaty it was.

“are you that nervous?” karin questioned, letting you give out an awkward grin as she pulled you upright and walked you to your full-body mirror. from the reflection, you can see the outfits you assemble for the fashion show on the hanger as karin will help you put them inside the plastic covering.

you let your eyes scan yourself on the first outfit of the fashion show collection you made fully from your hard work. the way karin helped it fit you as best as it could as you see her proud expression from behind your shoulder.

“you look like a total baddie, (y/n). if soobin isn’t more whipped for you than he usually is, then he will be.” you try your best not to laugh but you let a chuckle crack through. the drip from the condensation of the unfrozen bottle trails down your skin and tickles your belly button—it reminds you of the soothing way soobin’s breath touches your skin as he trails down kisses from your mouth to the band of your pants.

“how’d you know sammy’s the one for you?” you focus on her face as she pouted her lips. her pointer finger tapping against the bottom one as she hummed, extending her thought process.

“as shitty as it sounds, i don’t know. i just feel it, you know? but you felt that before with jeno-“ she paused, realizing that she spoke of he-who-shall-not-be-named.

“oof, that hurts,” you replied with a hand against your beating heart, jokingly nipping your bottom lip. but you had a feeling to yourself that that isn’t a joke because of the way your mind travels to something dark.

“apologies for that. like, you don’t know how much i wanted to talk to you about that video between you and jeno that is circulating, but you went mia…”

“wait, what video?” you tilt your head to her. karin’s eyes enlarged, and you recognized that look from anywhere. her eyes quivering as she spoke something you don’t recognize, even if it involves you.

“it’s a video of you and him arguing.”

“who the fuck recorded it and spread it around? the heck?” you exasperated self say as you close your eyes. your head is pulsing as you didn’t consider just how gigantic this is becoming. that’s why—you now understand—that soobin knows you were with jeno the day he invited you to watch a movie together. tears are prickling from the corner of your eyes as you fan it away, trying so badly to not ruin karin’s makeup she had helped with.

“hey, you know that whatever happens, you have me, right? there’s sammy, elle, yizhuo, their partners, and soobin, okay? knowing your boy, he’s gonna punch the heck out of jeno even if he tries playing with you again.” you nod along with her words, agreeing to what she says. but the way this fucking guy berated you reminds you of the last time you were here a decade of sorts ago. someone in your class was always teasing you—fucking kids, right?—and it got out of hand that your hair was once being pulled during recess, making the boy who is approaching you to play during recess furious.

yeonjun.

you remember how he’s trying to pick up the words to describe what happened as the kid who pulled your hair was bleeding out from the elbow, pushed by the boy himself. the teacher asked you for testimonies along with your classmates—who defended you as the kid is known to annoy almost every student. you were just the unlucky victim for that week. yeonjun let out a small smirk he had as he greeted you when he walked out of the counseling room, his open palm pushed forward for you to hold so you could continue to venture to your usual snack time in ms. ahn’s diner.

you miss him and you don’t have any contact with him. you don’t even know if he remembers you or not.

but the more you think of it, you can catch a bit of the yeonjun you know in soobin now. it’s as if soobin is the more mature of the yeonjun you know: soft-looking yet could intimidate, especially when he shows his tattoos. you could see them being friends if they met, but you don’t know if yeonjun would “approve” of you being with him, knowing his ‘good boy’ streak you remember him as and how the last time you met him, yeonjun was obsessed with his video game consoles and not rock music.

“yeah, i know.”

karin pulls the bottle out of your grasp as you let out a small hiss from the warming skin, hurting your bruise yet you recognize it’s helping with it. she pulls the fishnet top down before lightly tugging it into your creme skort. your head moves down as you spot the glint of the golden heart pendant resting on top of the buttons of the green flannel top. on the other side of the room, you heard your default ringtone chiming, signaling that soobin was waiting by the entrance of your hall now.

“don’t forget to pack the outfits up and put them on the rack with the others. and good luck on your study date with sammy. thank you so freaking much, karin.”

you pucker your lips as you air kiss karin’s cheek while she does the same, “and good luck on your date with soobin. let me know what happened cause i wanna know everything!”

you give her a nod when she smirks as you sling your bag and its strap rests right in the valley of your chest. saying another goodbye after tying your boots, you walk down the hallway. you greeted a few of the other residents on this floor who seemed to do a double take on your display that is more alternative, not recognizing you with this appearance. but you embrace it and throw away those expectations as you carefully glance at the bruise beneath the fishnet top, seeing it nearly coming back to the color of the skin in that area from the dark patch you had yesterday and the day before.

stepping out of the hall’s door and down the flight of stairs, you see the figure of the boy you recognized.

his inked arms illuminated by the afternoon sun in his tank, created from a cut-out sweater as he wears his regular cargo pants. soobin perks when he hears you dragging your feet against the pavement, pivoting his head to let you see the black thin line adorning his thick bottom lip right in the middle. your surprise was also met by his, letting his eyes roam on your body to see the fashion show outfit you are doing a trial in. though, you know where his eyes focus on: the gold heart-pendant necklace that hangs around your neck.

“you look…” he commented as you joined him, a smile already threatening to show as you tilt your head.

“‘look’ what? ugly?”

“not a chance!” he exclaimed, making the seal of your lips open as you let out the widest smile you haven’t entirely done for a while.

“i know what you meant, bun~” you nudge your shoulder towards him as he bit his cheek, his dimple showing up every time he puckered his lips. “you too, actually. now i kinda wanna see you with a real lip piercing.”

your hand reaches to his face as you let your thumb caress the fake piercing down to the surface of his lip, making the clip behind a little more snuggled up as soobin can’t help but pucker his lips to kiss your fingertip. you pull back before you continue staring at him, looking towards the nearest gate to the street outside of the campus.

“what are we waiting for?”

and as you said that, his hand grasped yours and dragged you towards the path you were implying. you let the breeze blow against your skin as soobin’s larger stride makes you try to keep up with his pace by jogging beside him before you take a breather at the bus—that arrived at the right time as you step towards the bus stop. finding no one on the bus other than the driver, you take a seat and look at the mundane beauties of daytime haeyang—something you haven’t focused on. your head rested against soobin’s shoulder as his hand wrapped around your lower back as you continued gazing at the way the ball of fire shone on every man-made structure you passed by or the sonder you got as you watched people living their lives.

but then, the bus goes into the main forest road as it climbs on the hills. the green chlorophyll leaves change the scenery in an instant, almost like someone turning the color spectrum dials to make it work. the bus hums as you can hear rumbling vehicles walking past, most notably an old sedan driving past as you see their windows all down and hands coming out to graze against the gusty kinetic wind. the car scurries away before going to the right as the clicking sound of the bus’ signal lights turns on for the next stop.

“we’re here. but we still have to walk,” soobin said as he pulled you up. you nodded your head as you both walked towards the exit, letting out a small thank you to the driver before the bus drove away. following the boy, you both walk at a steady pace as you hear the sound of the birds chirping and the breeze going past the leaves in the middle of the forest. behind nature’s call, you can pick up the muted bass ringing from behind the trees as more vehicles drive past you.

you jumped when you sensed another limb covering your mid-riff, soobin’s arm wrapping around your waist as he tugged you next to his side. you watch him eyeing down on the waist, where your bruise is at, as he doesn’t want to tug it with too much force. steadying yourself, you mimic him as you wrap your arm behind soobin’s back, continuing to walk in peace when you can see the forking road getting closer. the same road that the sedan took a turn to the right.

you thought the road to the right led you to another smaller pathway toward the venue, but you were met with a large dirt parking lot. dust and dirt lifting from the moving vehicles as they’re finding a space to park. people wearing clothes similar to yours gather towards the building at the farthest side from the road you had to go through to reach here. as you step closer and inspect the building, it looks to be an abandoned convenience store just based on the storefront appearance where wood boards stick to where the windows are. the goers line up in a queue as you inhale the familiar scents that you’ve smelled in the parties you usually go to. yet, even with their menacing appearance, they seem to be so cordial, unlike the people you met at said parties. it’s like there is an unspoken rule between them to have fun while staying safe.

as you both walk closer to the line, you can’t help but take out your vape as you try to blend in. soobin’s chuckle rings from beside you as he pulls out a box of cigarettes instead, something he hasn’t pulled out near you. you scramble to get the lighter out of his hand as he tugs one stick out. flicking the wheel, the spark lights up as soobin lets the end of the cig engulf in fire, seeing your hardened fingertip from the amount of pins and needles prickling it crack from the friction. tucking the lighter back into the pocket he pulled the box out, you view the environment you’re in as you check out the people stepping out of the building who are already looking so intoxicated and with sweat sticking into their bodies from the shine of the sun. the evidence of what they’re doing inside: moving their hearts out, letting out all the stresses in life. it appears to be so cathartic and you can’t wait to get the same feeling inside.

soobin’s fame seems to shine brighter in his scene as you count how many people are greeting him. you can hear them talking about the tattoos they want to make with him as he replied with his charisma level reaching the maximum or even more. the way your cheeks are heating as they greet you with him makes you tug yourself closer to him, hiding half of your face behind his arm as you let your fingertips caress his tattooed poppy flower. the queue continues to move as you both step towards the bouncer standing at the front. the bouncer seems to recognize soobin as when you two walk to the front, you see him glancing between the two of you before giving a bro hug to soobin where he whispers a few words to him before giving a wink towards both of you. your eyebrows are lifted as the boy guides you to enter the concrete building that is crumbling in a few parts, seeing the people around drinking in a cup from a bar on one side of the room while a crowd gathers and cheers in front of the stage where a band has finished playing.

“we’re amperhyphen! thank you so much for having us and have a good day.” a group of boys bowed down before walking off the stage with their instruments unplugged as the stage crews climbed up and cleaned the stage. soobin said that it was a gig concert so new artists will perform following the schedule. it’s clear with the amount of people moving on the floor as they come and go.

he flicks the stick’s ash as it falls into the space on the floor. his hand tugging you closer as you lead the way to the very back of the mosh pit. looking upon the ocean of heads, the stage is dimly lit from the spotlight hanging above—letting you see the second story of the store that seemed more like a supermarket now with its larger build. the crowd seems to disperse as people wait for the next act; a never-ending loop of fun in the subterranean scene.

“what do you want to drink?” soobin said right to your ear.

“something cold, please. i’m getting kinda parched,” you replied, still inhaling from your e-cigarette as he guided you toward the bar. the dispersing crowd hangs out by the bar as they get a refill for another round of musical chaos, making the bartenders work extra hard as they pour around the drinks in. soobin spoke of what you two will get to one of bartenders as you let yourself gaze at the environment you’re in. though haeyang is a town you believed you know much—because you spent the first decade of your life here—you learn nothing about this, about the small yet powerful gathering spot where people can hang out just to enjoy music. mosh pits in small towns are rare enough, yet you don’t realize there is one as crowded as this here. much of the people you silently watch are people you don’t know, but they look to be around your age and older. there is even a sapphic couple who seemed to be the same age as your dad still hanging out here.

it’s like this place is where anyone can be anything they want; let go of the stress and expectation of life just by hearing a piece of music you can enjoy even if you don’t know it. no expectation of fame and social recognition.

your vision is stuck on one goer getting their bruise tended by a punk with a studded leather jacket. there is a gash around their calves as the punk’s appearance doesn’t scream ‘they could heal people.’ but a smile on your face has grown from it as the goer genuinely talks with the punk with no type of discrimination that you’re familiar with. a nudge felt on your shoulder as you turn to find soobin with a glass in his hand, pushing forward for you to pick it up. you peer down to see it’s your favorite cocktail as soobin tells you he has paid for it already, settling down beside you as you face the spacious room where more people are walking around.

“what kind of band perform here?”

“mostly indie alt-rock bands, so any alternative and derivative genres from rock like grunge, punk, metal, garage, emo, all that stuff. many of the songs being performed here are usually self-made or covers. but there upstairs,” soobin points towards the balcony area you saw, “many of the talent managers sit there to gaze at the crowd. haeyang is a small town but its underground scene is vibrant. it’s kinda like back in the 90s when you watch bands perform as they’re trying to catch lightning in a bottle for their musical career,” the boy replied as you both sipped on the cold and sweet alcoholic beverages. the way it calms you down but also makes you warm because of the substances in it.

“you seem so well-versed in this topic.” you winked, internalizing another side of soobin you’ve just known now. his eyebrows raised before he let out a small smile. “if you like rock music so much, can you play instruments too?”

“to be honest. i can’t.”

nodding, you continued to sip as you picked up the crowd cheering for the next act going up—silhouettes walking on the stage even from the dim spotlights, “which instruments do you think you’ll be good at if you play one?”

instead of answering, he turns to you, “which one do you think i’ll be the best at?”

letting you let out a chuckle as the spotlights earn their clarity once again. you see a four-person band coming up to the stage as they plug their instruments into the machines such as speakers and pedals.

“not gonna lie, you’ll be good at drums. you’ve always been slapping your thighs whenever we listen to music together and you did say you like genesis‘ drummer,” you remembered so when you saw and heard him in the listening booth yesterday. but the significant moment that came to your mind is when you and he are trying to finish your tasks together as the deadline is at midnight; soobin’s playlist plays in his room as you are covered only with his shirt, sitting on the floor so you can let your aching thighs straighten out. the boy sat beside you only with his sweatpants, tapping his palm on his thighs with the heels of his feet alternating following the rhythm—trying to get an inspiration on what words he’ll write next. the tapping and clapping mixed along with his humming as he follows with the melody of the song playing, easily adapting to the songs even with key changes.

“or you could be a vocalist too. your voice is so nice to listen to.” you continued, finishing your drink with you, tilting your head back. putting the glass on the bar counter as you caught the frontwoman introducing the band. turning your head, soobin follows as he does the same thing—letting you lead the way to the space behind the crowd gathering as he trails the path you took.

you stood behind at a respectable distance from the mosh pit. the sounds of clapping and cheering suggest, to you, that the band has been gathering enjoyers and crowds alike who listen to their creation and how they might’ve perform in different gigs all throughout the towns here and near haeyang. soobin’s presence is now so recognizable to you as he stands beside you, eyeing the stage as you hear the familiar flicking sound once again; the faint light beside you catching your attention before it sizzles out. the crowd gets more excited once the band is tuning their instruments. people accidentally nudged you as they move to the front—their apology etiquette still surprises you as you’ve been hit harder than that during college parties yet no one didn’t even acknowledge it. your hand grips onto soobin’s nude forearm as the speaker rings, the faint sound of crackling noise heard as the bass drum plays and echoes through the space.

when the guitarist strums the strings, you watch as people’s head moves following the rhythm as the cheers become louder and louder. even you can’t stop yourself from nodding your head. the hand that is gripping onto soobin’s makes him notice you bopping to the fast beats. the crashes from the cymbals pierce through the sound as your muscles contort, following the band’s playing. you glance towards soobin, who is nodding his head alongside you, his other hand holding onto another stick of cig as the familiar scent hits your senses.

“if you enjoy rolled-up cigarettes, then why do you smoke e-cigs with me?” you asked, a little loudly as near to his ear as possible. his furrowed eyebrows straighten as he thinks of the answer.

“people don’t like the smell of it. that’s why i pick fruit scent e-cigs when we hang around your crowd.”

“and what is this flavor?”

soobin looks at the burning stick between his fingers. your body is already facing him as you let your hand swing the arm you’re holding along with the beat. leaning to your ear, he whispered, “nothing.”

“that’s straight tobacco?” your baffled expression made him grin as he nodded along. you playfully hit his chest as he lets go of your hand before wrapping the arm behind you. goosebumps showing on your skin alongside the chilly breeze from the space when his arm meets your fishnet-covered lower back.

“you wanna try?” his voice is getting muffled by the band as they now play their second song—the guitar and drums blaring expands with the speakers. you nod your head as you rub your palm clean on your skort, ready to grip onto the thin cylinder as soobin takes his own puff first.

yet, with your hand already in front of you to let the stick slip between your fore and middle fingers, the hand that holds your back trails up your spine instead and is behind your head. he pushes you closer as he gives you the familiar knowing look, tilting your head to the side to let him do his usual thing: letting his lips meet yours. instead, he brought his lips right in front of yours and unconnected. the hot cloud flows inside your mouth cavern as you taste the familiar mild flavor you get from your vape now being accentuated. gone were the fruity flavor that is familiar to you as you let your mouth agape, clearing the smoke out between you two before your hand reaches to cup his cheek, closing in on his lips as you nibble on his bottom lip.

with the sound of the band playing and the colorful spotlights illuminating the dark space, you can see the fireworks exploding behind your eyelids, following the way your heart explodes with all of them harmonizing in tandem to culminate into your thoughts and emotions. your eyebrows crease as you try to focus only on his lips, only on soobin, as everything around fades away. the way both of your lips fall into the familiar routine excites you with the unknown elements you only recognize by now. your hand holding onto his posture to steady both of you, both of his forearms now wrapped behind you as he only let one palm rest behind you—the other still holding onto the cigarette that is burning fast. tears forming from the ducts from how long you’ve closed your eyes, the feeling you have been harboring about him all flowing out with that one small action.

from the past week—since you both had sex in your room—you can sense the chemistry between the two of you changing in real time. every time you both make out when you hang out outside of both of your rooms and parties you two attend, it feels a lot more personal. from when he laid you down on the booth seat at the diner and to when you sat down on his lap in the listening booth of the music store. all the emotions and thoughts shared between you both have culminated and exploded with this as you let the feelings seep through the cracks that is your barriers before they fall way into the likeliest place: into him. the words you’ve written about him in your notes are scribed on repeat in your head as one sentence rings true.

‘do i truly like him?‘‘ yet, even that is an understatement.

do you truly love him?

with your swollen lips, you both pull back to take in the stuffy, narcotic scent that’s combined with the fresh air of the forest flowing inside. his lips glisten under the radiance from the spotlights—a string of saliva connecting both of you as soobin throws the cigarette that has been burning so much to the ground beside you both. he signals with his head towards you, letting your shoes step onto it to let the fire out. breathless and speechless. that’s what you both are as you gaze at each other’s eyes, letting you read what he says as you are exuding one of your own on the same wavelength.

“i-“

“well, well, well…” a voice calls out, making you sense the trail of sweat on your nape falling down to your spine. the calm, peaceful glass box you and him were standing within now broken into smithereens. a voice you’ve been dreading to hear from the last time you met her: the day you get your still healing bruise.

you turn your head and peek at the voice’s owner, seeing the smirk you’ve been trying to forget for the past week.

“herin…”

“hello, (y/n). and who i can guess is soobin?” her voice pitches up as your eyes tremble, the combination of doses of alcohol and nicotine making you jitter as the blooming bruise on your waist lingers on as the pain comes back once again, reminding you of how it happened.

“what, what are you doing here?” you nip your bottom lip.

this is not a place where you see herin to be. in your eyes, herin is just another student of the fashion major, hair-dyed platinum blonde that compliments her skin tone as she shows up in a crop tank top. you met her back in orientation days, even being in the same group to do the tasks and getting to know the campus life. but as more time passes, the collaborative dynamic you once had with her turns into tension as you both join the fashion show crew and how she also joined the fashion student committee that you failed to get into—how you realized she treated you not like how she treats the others. you sure were hoping you find a friend in her, but fate tells you otherwise before you fall into the circle that is karin, elle, yizhuo, and the others; including soobin. yet, her smile makes your body tense and she replies.

“what are you doing here? aren’t you supposed to join the meeting today?” her smirk widened as dimples showed on her cheeks. you knew that when you spoke to soobin yesterday, but as you read the group chat often even with how you have turned on real-time notifications, you know that the show people aren’t needed but it’s better if join in. you just didn’t expect to find her here. it’s like she pushed herself to make you remember what you “owe” her—like how she’s been chasing you in the chat. but ever since you muted her, she becomes frontal: resulting in your aching body now.

“what meeting? i was supposed to be there? is, isn’t today for marketing and tenants?” you asked back, hearing how your voice trembled right at the end as you could hear the scoff coming from the girl.

“well, now you are because the agenda of the meeting today is about you.”

what? you want to speak out. yet the way your facial expression form encapsulates it perfectly—earning a giggle from herin.

“i don’t know if you are naïve or ignorant. but, your creamy face is all over social media and group chats.” the way her eyes look at you reminds you of that day as you stared up at her, holding onto your side as you felt the pain surge from your lower half when the force hits back at you too much at your waist. “i didn’t know you were that desperate, (l/n). but now we see the ‘reason’ why you are the fashion major’s golden girl-“

you listen to the sound of soobin’s hand rummaging in the pocket of his pants as he pulls out his phone, the screen illuminating his face as you watch the numerous notifications showing up from the reflection on his pupils, which he opens. your palms start to sweat as you can’t bear to open your own phone, knowing that the way soobin’s jaws tighten up makes you assume your phone may be exploding with notifications now if you don’t put it in do not disturb mode.

“well, now your boy also knows who you are, (y/n).” herin’s voice is the only coherent sound that comes to your hearing. you can’t handle it anymore and wrap your palm around soobin’s wrist for a chase of comfort. but he pulls away fast.

his face is full of hurt with the frown coming from his plushy lips. your eyes peek at the screen that is fading black, seeing the recognizable picture you still remember taking a long time back then. back when you were with your ex.

“is this true?” soobin said as he let you see his screen and you could sense your blood vessels exploding as the imaginary knife that was already plunged into your back pushed deeper behind you.

the subject in the picture is you—only your upper half is shown, yet you recall you are naked in that frame—white liquid all over your face as there is a caption of “teachers’ slut” on it. eyes watering, you can’t help but gasp for air as you remember the past few days that had happened. heck, the past few months that happened. the notable conversation you had with jeno, and the way he threatened you as you refused to go with his choice. you remembered what he said faintly—memories of it erased from your mind when you and soobin went out all night long that day.

“you’re gonna regret not coming back to me (y/n).”

“no- no! no, it’s not, soobin. please…” you reach your hand towards him, but you flinch as he pulls the phone back against his chest. you catch his eyes moving all around the place as he looks between the phone and you.

“well, it’s true though, (y/n).”

your actions stop as you catch a familiar voice from behind you, the shuffling of feet heard as the person you’re dreading to see now stands by you, beside the girl with a terrifying smirk on her face.

“teacher’s pet and golden girl, huh? more like teachers’ slut.” jeno spoke as he let out a chuckle, “and the fact that it’s plural stuns me, (y/n). you like yourself a gangbang action?”

“jeno, please. i know it’s you.” you try to retaliate, yet the crack in your voice doesn’t exactly show your courage and confidence when you look away from his gaze, noticing more and more gazes on you. some of the people in the crowd at the back turn towards you as they hold the phone in their palms, eyes looking between it and you like what soobin did. your breath picks up as you can only resort to soobin, turning your head to him as you pick up the faint whispers of the crowd as they peer at you; dissecting you like you’re an anomaly in their society. so suddenly, you want to cover up every exposed skin of the outfit you now use, grabbing any outer you can get—even stealing it if it’s the last resort—and get out of there as fast as you can.

“what do you mean it’s me, huh? gaslighting much, (y/n)?!” jeno replied as your jaw slackened and you couldn’t find the right words. that’s when you see the darker shadow on herin’s tank top and near her blue jeans, wrapping around her as she is tugged closer to the shadow’s owner, just like what you and soobin did most of today. chasing its movement, you realize that the shadow is from a leather jacket: jeno’s leather jacket.

as the epiphany hits you like a tsunami, the tear ducts that moist your eyes when you and soobin kiss produce many more tears as it pours out much of what you’re feeling. turning to soobin once again, you can read how conflicted his face has become as the tears pour more and more.

“believe me, bun. please, i’m not- i didn’t-“ you sob, your chest heaving as you put your palm against the middle of your chest, trying to breathe. yet the more you stay in the venue, the more stuffy it becomes.

“it’s always been you and it’ll always be you. i promise, soobin. please believe me.” you nodded your head to tell him you were telling the truth. that you don’t know shit about any of this. that you haven’t slept with anyone other than soobin himself. that the picture doesn’t tell the entire truth. yet, you know you’re losing the mind games now. and the green light of the exit becomes the beacon as you mumble a last “i’m sorry for hurting you so much, soobin,” before you run towards the exit, pushing people away as you can only think about coming back to your room, but you recognize it won’t be as safe because the walls are so thin that things like this spread fast.

soobin’s loud voice as he shouts your name fades into obscurity as he sees you blending in with the light, both herin and jeno are laughing as the crowd now gathers around the three of them. the conflicted feelings he’s experiencing now all aside as his only aim is to rid that laugh out of both of their faces.

his hand forms into a fist as he punches jeno across his cheek, earning a shriek from the girl beside him as the crowd exclaims. soobin recognized a few of them in the crowd but he didn’t care as he took another shot at hitting your ex, now at the stomach as the boy fell back. jeno’s thicker structure approaches soobin as he takes a punch to his abdomen, filling it with the bruise that’s gonna come as he can feel the contact of the rings jeno wears. but, soobin doesn’t want to stop. all he sees is red and your teary face as you look at the two beings of a joke that he now knows has been giving your life hell.

“soobin! fucking stop!” soobin recognized the voice of the bouncer he greeted every time he goes inside, looking down at jeno who has a cut on his cheekbone, whilst the boy take a punch to the face—feeling the bleeding starting from the part of his bottom lip where his fake lip piercing at and also another bleeding cut on the bridge of his nose. his body is being pulled back by the bouncer as another security staff handles jeno who is still charging at him. both of them are trying to finish each other off even with their battered and bruised bodies.

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.” soobin’s growl sounds so unnatural to him that he even got scared of himself while jeno replied with his own set of profanities that he just can’t take seriously.

“I CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE IN A SNAP, CHOI SOOBIN.” the boy’s sentence is now muffled by the crowd that is still listening to music as the bouncer drags him away to the exit of the venue. soobin’s body gave up as he followed the bouncer out to greet the piercing daylight, hurting his eyes as he tried to adjust quickly. his breathing is ragged as the bouncer’s gaze at him is filled with such a disappointing expression. yet, he can’t stop the way the tears are falling down his cheeks and combining with the spilling of his own blood.

“the girl- the girl i was with. where did she go?” soobin asked the bouncer, his eyes moving around anywhere near the building and the parking lot. maybe you’re just taking a fresh air and sitting near the trees on the edge of the forest, waiting for him to come out so he can comfort you after he processed some things he understands out of all the nuances he caught onto in such a short time.

“she left, running. turning left to the downtown area,” the bouncer said as he let go of soobin, who was trying to steady himself as he picked up the phone and speed dialed your number. yet, all he could hear was your familiar caller tune playing as he let the beeps play until the operator told him he couldn’t reach you. soobin’s hand brushed against his wounded face and messy hair, not caring about his appearance and how the red color now spread across his facial skin

because all he can think about now is you.

-

“(y/n)-“

“the number you’re calling is not available-“

“for fuck’s sake!” soobin wiped his hand across his sweaty face, throwing the phone to his bed as he sat against it on the floor. he felt the drying scab from the bruise that he got for fighting jeno. trying to call you since yesterday, yet you aren’t available all the time. he had gone to your room yet you didn’t answer—resting in front of your room until he perceived his wounds drying up by themselves, hoping you would come back; yet you didn’t. he tried reaching out to your friends, and they all gave the same answer: they don’t know where you are.

so as the night blankets this side of the world and ends another day, he goes back to his room and clean himself up; patching his self as he looks at the mirror of the bruises blooming on his face. his phone is always near him, hoping that someone—anyone—can tell you of your whereabouts. that’s when han reached out to him, calling him to tell him what he had found as soobin told him what happened.

“i tried tracing back the photo that got spread. come back from a burner phone number from haeyang. like the numbers that our plug usually uses. you know what’s interesting about the number?“ the statement comes so quickly, yet he knows this guy. han is one of the most meticulous guys he knows and full of patience—he is the guy that tattooed the large saturn on his arm after all. he is also very tech-savvy and always knows if things are scams or not. the guy was the one that told him of your photo with jeno; he knows just how significant you are to him from both of their talks in the break room of their tattoo parlor.

“yeah, gimme.“ soobin replied, pulling the cotton off the area where he puts the antiseptic to clean the dried wound. the sound of the call echoed in his bathroom walls as the dark creeps into his room, awaiting its time to start the new day at 00.00.

“it’s connected to an email by the name of herin.”

though he tried to get away from you as he saw your photo in that compromising position, hearing his friend’s revelation makes him recall what you said, recalled your expression towards the two who seem to terrorize you. the way you try to cover your waist even if it’s dark in the room. the way you tried to fight back, yet the nerves come for you. he realizes you’re telling a part of the truth, but not the whole truth. if they bother you so much, why don’t you tell him or any of your friends?

it reminds him of when he was with yeonjun back in middle school. when he first moved in and don’t know shit about anyone in the middle school—still not close enough to the guy who he called his best friend—he was being made fun of for looking geeky. the only thing he had in his hand was his sketchbook he uses to cope with the trauma even if it’s already been a couple of years since his parents died, pages upon pages of his dark-themed illustrations are the only thing he could relate to. yeonjun was the epitome of the middle finger when soobin told him about what he faced and his idea for revenge comes from pranking the boys that made fun of him. he can imagine you and yeonjun at age 7 or 8 doing the same thing, especially since—based on yeonjun’s testimony—you are close by the hip and hang out all the time.

but the more he realizes, this version of you doesn’t have any eagerness to reconnect with yeonjun, unlike the (y/n) that visited him. and he understands that it’s because of the trauma you both might and might not have. the way original timeline (y/n) told him about how she came to this timeline means that she knows firsthand yeonjun’s reaction to his mother’s death. and that traumatic experience bonded them as even when she went back to haeyang, she had hope that she’ll meet yeonjun again. yet, for you, yeonjun is just a friend that got away. he had a few childhood friends whom he remembered the face but not the name and that is just what you and yeonjun in this timeline are doing. but when (y/n) visited his home nearly a week ago and with what she talked about him with soobin, she knew the only right thing was to go back to be with her yeonjun—well, his yeonjun too.

his ever-changing existential thoughts are being struck down by meteorites to go to earth, sonder coming to him so hard he realizes now that even if he misses home back in his original timeline, he might have a foundation of a new one with you. the way you both make out in the dark feels so deep more than he had ever felt. it’s as if you wanna tell him something, reaching out to him more and more with the way you both hung out with each other so much. and now he knows this is a test. does he trust you and does he trust himself?

soobin changes his clothes into a basic white tank top and navy shirt as an outer combo with jeans before tucking his shoes and going out into the sunset. he had realized he missed the only class that day cause he was trying to reach out to you so much as he wallowed in the thoughts of everything that was happening for the past week. the blowing breeze from the ocean already reaching him as he walks towards the off-campus area. his eyes continue looking at the crack on the pavement, yet their position is lifted now because he is always looking towards you, to check if you are okay as he guides you or you guide him. he glides towards the street full of people his age, full of franchised-brands of stores having their signs light up as it makes the dusk brighter—in a way that he couldn’t see the moon and the stars as clearly as he was in the old neighborhood you and he were days ago.

when the other kids seem to go to fast-food restaurants or neon-lighted nightclubs, his head only has one place in his mind: the diner you and he went to that night. the knowledge of the neighborhoods is printed from the many years he had lived here as he can track the layout of the sidewalk he has to take. when he arrives at the diner, he can identify a few pickup trucks parked as the warm light exudes out of the windows to lighten the dark sky. the bell chimes as the door opens and he can see truckers sitting separately as an old lady tends to the counter, the sound of sizzling enters his ear as she turns around, a smile on her face.

“what can i help you with, boy?” she asked, remembering that she wasn’t there last time. recalling what you spoke to miya when she was tending to the counter, he now knows that he’s talking to the infamous miss ahn that you and yeonjun had talked about.

“i’ll take a club sandwich and some coke, please?” he replied sitting on the seat that overlooks behind the counter.

“sure thing!” the woman replied as soobin let out a sigh, setting down his phone on the counter with the screen facing up, hoping that another piece of information would come to him once again. the sound of dionne warwick‘s ‘walk on by‘ playing from the jukebox transports him into a different time, like when he was here with you. he didn’t feel time running at all that time when you both were here sitting in the booth that he’s taking a peek at behind his shoulder. just conversing about some ridiculous teammate shenanigans you got from one of your group projects as he relayed with his own, and also the discussion you both had about the other movies like fallen angels you both had watched. surely, a friday night should make the diner packed, but then he got reminded of the gentrification of haeyang that was taking place and how, business-wise, the diner was losing the race with other businesses.

when the plate of food and glass filled with coke is set in front of him, he plays along with his food as he thinks about his position in this world. how the alien imagery since then has been sticking by him, but he couldn’t help but remember your comments about it. about how you are a loser and an alien too and it gave him a sense of overwhelming comfort, even if he doesn’t agree with what you are saying. however, with everything that happened yesterday, he can’t help but push himself to see in your position, seeing what you’re facing in reality and if it’s accurate to what he thought. another level of alienation in the worst way possible when it’s not even your fault.

he was chewing his food when he heard the chime from the bell that disrupted his line of thought. soobin wanted to get back into his mind and he wanted to tune out the world once again when he listened to the new customer beside him ordering.

“good evening, miss ahn! can i get two strawberry donuts to go, please?”

“right away, young man- oh my!” soobin sees miss ahn turning around as she sees the person who orders right beside him. he can’t help but peek from the corner of his eyes where he sees a boy with dark cyan hair that seems to fade away, thick-framed glasses on his face as he tugs the knitted sweater he’s wearing.

“yeonjun! so glad to be seeing you here!”

yeonjun?

soobin pivots his head in a whiplash as he sees the boy sitting on the stool beside him. his side profile is so identifiable as he remembered the last time he saw him, he was still with pink hair—which he realized that this yeonjun probably never had. soobin’s eyes sting as his mind plays the notable memories he had with the boy beside him, how he remembered running into the night as they sneaked out of their houses to hang out with each other. the way the boy laughs along with him as they headbang to the punk songs played by the bands. how his face grimaced as soobin tattooed the angel wing on his back. yet he realizes that this yeonjun doesn’t have the same memories as he does. this yeonjun is different. there is no connecting line between him and the boy but-

“i think i’ve seen you before?” soobin’s head lifted as he didn’t realize he was just staring at the space on the counter between him and the boy. he followed where the sound came from to see yeonjun, who had his front side turned to face him. the familiar grin on his face as his nose scrunches make his heart beat faster.

“you’re the boy that’s with (y/n), right? soobin?” yeonjun continued.

“i, well, how’d you know?” he asked, his voice coming out so soft as he tried his best to calm his feelings—scared that he might burst out with the tears.

“you’re everywhere on (y/n)’s account- i mean- i’ve caught a photo of you both on my dashboard before.” he replied as he pushed his hand out, the other hand pushing his glasses up his nose bridge as he spoke, “i’m yeonjun.”

soobin’s hand reacts so impulsively as he grasps the hand of the boy that he should also call his best friend. at first, he thought his hand was going to go past the boy’s—he didn’t think it was real corporeal form—but when both of their palms touched each other, he could sense the electric spark from it; but with yeonjun’s graceful smile continuing, soobin understands that he doesn’t feel it at all.

“i’ve heard about you before from (y/n).” soobin replied, doing three handshakes before both of them let go as he continued eating the food that was getting colder.

“re- really? what did she talk about me?” the boy leans his head against the upright arm on the counter; something he has seen yeonjun do whilst they converse on their school desks.

“that you both were best friends before she moved away. that this diner was you two’s hangout place. and much more, honestly.”

yeonjun nods his head, a tight-lip smile on his face. “that’s good. i actually tried to reach out to (y/n) through social media before i went back here. i promised her when she came to visit me that we meet up, but it seems so inadequate of me to reach out. i mean-“ he shrugs, “she’s on a different level than me.”

your visit? yeonjun must have thought that the (y/n) that visited him was you, but soobin knew otherwise that the (y/n) that visited him was the (y/n) from the original timeline. yet, soobin couldn’t bear to tell him the truth because he also didn’t know how to do it without blowing yeonjun’s mind away. the way (y/n) told soobin how the original timeline yeonjun knows about her chronokinesis has already created a collateral impact on him. he knew this yeonjun was smart—from the way (y/n) described him at the beach of the numerous trophies and medals—but telling the guy that his concept of space and time is wrong when a person from an alternate universe can travel back and forth with a power to control time can alter him significantly.

“oh yeah, where’s (y/n) anyway? are you here to meet her or- oh…” soobin glanced at the way yeonjun’s gleam faded as he spoke, reminding him of the way original timeline (y/n)’s way of talking, “i’m sorry. i just remembered that i saw the photo.”

“don’t say sorry to me. i’m just collateral damage. i’ve been trying to reach out for (y/n) this whole day and it’s been unsuccessful.”

yeonjun hums as he turns his body to the front of the counter, tapping his fingertips against the top of it as soobin continues eating with a slouched shoulder. “you seem to care for her.”

the boy notices soobin peeking at him when he slants his head. soobin learned he couldn’t lie to him more, even the yeonjun he remembered knew how to read body language so well, “more than care actually.”

yeonjun nods his head as he sees miss ahn who is packing the donuts into the brown bag, “even if we are separated for a decade, (y/n)’s not that kind of girl.” soobin turns his head to face the boy who is playing with the ends of his sweater’s sleeves.

“she’s one of the most hard-working people i’ve ever known, always attempting to achieve everything she wants to achieve and she doesn't play dirty cause that was my role in our youth.” he chuckles to himself. soobin can’t help but smile when he hears it.

“she’s not one who plays dirty unless it’s necessary for her survival. she once had to face one guy from my class in a game of dodgeball in our shared gym class. i told her that the guy was messing with me like sending me notes and stuff. and she was capable enough to catch the ball and play mind tricks with him to get a win.” yeonjun brushes his hair as soobin now sees how the guy doesn’t even have ear piercings.

“even when she visited me at my home, she was such a good sport even though we ended it awkwardly. but she made an effort to visit me even if none of us reached out in the first place.” soobin remembered what (y/n) said about how she embarrassed herself. but the way he spoke of you about the dodgeball story just based on the timeline of young you and yeonjun, he can assess it happened in both timelines. and when he spoke of (y/n) that visited him, he can detect the parallel of it with you. even if you both aren’t the same attitude-wise, he could conclude that how this is who (y/n) is universally, the same as with yeonjun with his cheekiness even though this one has a bit of timidness to it.

the brown bag is placed in front of yeonjun as he pays to miss ahn, waiting for the change as he swerves the stool back towards soobin, “i don’t know when i will get the courage back to meet her again. but i’m glad that i encounter you, soobin. i have to go back to my college town and-“

miss ahn gave the change back as she stepped away to serve another customer who just come in. soobin gazed at yeonjun who stood up and took a step to stand in front of him. the boy stared at the blue-haired’s features as he felt a pat on one of his shoulders.

“take care of (y/n) for me, okay? you’re very capable of doing so. and send my regards to her as well.”

with two last pats, yeonjun takes off towards the entrance. miss ahn’s farewell rings into his ear as he eyes the boy, who faces away and leaves him. a few drops of tears fall down his cheek as he lets his hand caress the shoulder that yeonjun pats, seeing his former best friend leave as catharsis hits him. the sense of sadness and satisfaction runs throughout his blood vessels as he finally gets a proper farewell to his friend.

soobin turns around on his stool with a new sense of determination, eating up the sandwich as he has now caught a new anchor to tie him down forming in his mind: in the shape of you.

he still eyes the phone’s screen, the hope that you will call him remains. but then, he heard another rushing footsteps enter the diner as he saw miya coming into the room from the back kitchen. her facial muscles are so contorted but thaw as she sees soobin. “oh thank fucking goodness.”

“miya, is my shift up?” miss ahn asked before she walked to the front of soobin.

“no, not yet, auntie.” she told her before angling her head towards soobin and stepping towards him, rapidly saying, “i tried to reach you but (y/n)’s phone was locked and she doesn’t have anyone on speed dial. so, i tried my best to get to you but i don’t know which hall you live in. so i tried walking to one, but you were not there. i’m fucking glad i found you now.”

“miya, slow down, please? what’s wrong?” she leans back and takes a huge needed breath.

“it’s (y/n). she stayed with me since yesterday. she went on a rambling spree about what’s happening to her and i’ve calmed her down as best as i can. she was okay last night and i wanted to bring her back but she said that she didn’t want to.” miya wiped the sweat that had trickled down her forehead. “so i let her stay at my place and i went to work at the art shop this morning. after closing down and going back to prep for my shift here, i realized she was drinking my wine bottle. i’ve forgiven her for it, but all she wanted was to speak to you.” miya finished explaining as soobin didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

“she’s dozing off before i left and i already got rid of any alcohol near her. but it’s best if you come with me cause she still can wake up.” miya’s eyes landed on soobin with a scrutinizing look before they faded away as she catches a glimpse of her aunt looking at the nearly finished plate in front of him.

“i can pack up your meal so you can get to her, poor (y/n).” miss ahn said as she picked up the plate that soobin had. he hurriedly pulled out his card to pay for the meal as miya helped with it. soobin’s eyes were looking down at the counter, his lips turn into a frown as the worries are coming back to him. when he looks up, miss ahn gives him a larger bag with the container of his food and beverage before she turns around and gives him a familiar brown bag he saw minutes ago.

“oh no no. you don’t have to.” soobin tries to stop it yet miss ahn persists.

“the strawberry donuts are on the house. i hope this could help (y/n).”

“i... thank you so much.” soobin answered as he bowed his head, picking the bags in his hand as he followed miya who was already jogging in front of him. she must’ve been tired of walking around the neighborhoods trying to reach him from the brief episode from today she had told him, but her tiredness doesn’t show as she races back to her place.

as he came across a street with four-story-tall apartments, he followed miya who stepped inside the hallways, trailing along the floor as it resembled his and yours residential halls. she makes him stop at the door in front of both of you.

“i’m going to leave you here because of my shift.” she then taps the code into the keypad, “you can go back if you want to after you’re done. her clothes and bag are inside a tote bag at the coffee table.”

“okay, thank you so much for helping (y/n).”

“no problem.” miya stepped away instantly after she pushed the door open, leaving soobin to face a dim apartment.

as soobin stepped inside, he was met with a dark hallway leading to a kitchen with a small night light on. the living room was dim also, but he could hear the sound of sobbing near the curtains towards the balcony. there, beneath the moonlight that is seeping in, is you sitting with your back against the wall. your head folding forward so your forehead rests on top of the folded knees, tucking yourself into a self-hug.

“hey…”

your head instantly lifted because of his one word, as he can see your eyes widen.

“soob-soobin…” you let out in your hoarse voice, trying to stand up before you tumble and nearly fall as your hand holds the wall. he walks towards you to hold you up as your eyebrows furrowed. your palm gripping his upper arms as he relaxes the muscles between your eyebrows, straightening them as you look towards him.

“it is you…” the way the corner of your eyes droops down as you sniffle away your sobbing makes him cup your face in both of his hands. soobin remembered how he sketched your eyes, full of wonder and curiosity, just like what he always sees with you. but now, he could see the many details he hadn’t gotten before, but one was extremely evident: the cracks on your irises as you stared back at him.

“it’s me. hey-“

you wrap your arms around him as you tug yourself so close to him, not wanting to let go. he can feel every surface of your front touching his as he adjusts his arms around you too. one holding onto your head and the other around your nap as he caught a glimpse of light on your neck. drawing away slightly, he could see the golden pendant shining in between the shadows he and you made before you pulled him back to you. you sob more and more, and he doesn’t care that the tears and snot stained his white tank. the hand on your nape runs down your back, soothing you with every caress as he lets you control the pace. as the sobs become lighter, you lean back as you shift your head away, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

“be, believe me, soobin. i didn’t do it. not at all. it’s jeno cause he owns the photo-“

“i know. i know, bunny,” he replied, using your nickname of him towards you as he leaned in and gave a peck on your temple. your head lulled, sniffling the sadness away as you caressed his nape. pivoting back to him, you have a pout on your lips as soobin reads what your eyes are telling him. the hand that was holding your head trails down to hold on to the heart pendant.

“help me stay…”

soobin’s shocked face doesn’t show as he realizes what you implied, but he lets himself nip his bottom lip as he can sense the tears threatening to come out and glisten in his eyes, “please… bun. you’re the only one that understands me. and if you leave me, i don’t know what else to do.”

at once, he tucks you back in your rightful place by his torso, tilting his head to kiss your head as he soothes you with sweet and comforting sayings.

“i will, (y/n). i swear i will.” he pulls away a little before giving you a peck on your lips. they stayed pouted as he was watching you trying to return to the sobering surface, eyelids heavy as all you wanted to fall asleep and get rid of the mental and physical exhaustion you were having.

“you wanna go back home?” he brushes your tears away.

“yes, yes, please. my key is in the front pocket of my bag.” your words slur as soobin guides you to sit down on the sofa. he tugs the tote bag to see your clothes from yesterday already being folded. his hand reaches for your bag as he opens the zipper pocket to find the key before tugging it into his pocket. soobin then kneeled down, grabbing your hands to wrap around his shoulders as he lifted himself up, tugging you up so you have a better position as he piggybacked you.

your breath on his skin sends shivers down his spine as you hold on to him, letting you sleep as he picks up the tote bag and the takeout from the diner and lets them hang along his arms. adjusting the weight on his body from the bags until it’s all secure, he opens the door to miya’s apartment and brings you out into the night, taking you back home.

-

everything was blurry when you opened your eyes.

the soft duvet caresses your skin as the light being beamed at your face makes the dizziness come back, but you are aware of your surroundings as you eye the window. the sound of a calm song played by an acoustic guitar greets you as you push your body upright, stretching it as you let your eyes roam, studying where you are right now.

rubbing your swollen face, you find yourself in your room which is still as clean as ever thanks to karin. looking down, you see yourself in your usual tank top and shorts combo you wear in your room but you eye the outfit that hangs on the handle of your wardrobe: the clothes that miya lend you.

everything comes crashing down as you tuck your knees close to you, letting your duvet cover your front as you catch the flushing of the toilet and the sound of steps on the floor. the memories of last night only came out in clips and scenes, wrecking your brain that instantly works to piece up the truth—from you drinking half of miya’s wine bottle before passing out on the floor that cools your warm skin, then you see soobin coming up to you in your messiest state. even thinking about it makes your brain subduedly pulsing and it caught his attention when he stepped out from the bathroom.

“you’re awake…” you glance upwards to find soobin with a small smile, he’s shirtless as you can see the droplets of water falling from his jaw. he walks closer and pulls you into a hug. your head resting against his abdomen as he soothes you down, putting one hand behind your head.

“i’m hoping that since it’s saturday, you have no other schedule set cause you need a breath of fresh air. truly.” he spoke as you grasped one of his hands, soothing it with your own while humming an agreement. “you need more ibuprofen? you already had one when we got here when i fed you the instant ramen before you totally passed out.”

“i’m… okay. i guess?” you replied while leaning your head back to see his face as he looked down at your body on the bed. “i’m sorry for worrying you so much and for getting you involved with this.”

“nah, i wanted to get involved. and i should be the one saying sorry for not being there with you,” he answered, seeing you shaking your head as you brushed your sleepy face once again with your free palm.

the memories of the past two days coming back into your mind, yet you already felt numb to it. exhaustion and demotivation came to you simultaneously, and you were glad you got them near the end of the semester. after everything you’ve gone past, you just want a peaceful day where nothing happened, letting your mind rest and relax as you think of yourself retrospectively. all you wanted alone time, but even that was destructive to you. you confided with miya as you stayed at her place, telling her the truth of what happened at the diner that you could only call your haven, staying there until she let you stay at her place because you didn’t want to face the hoard that speaking so degradingly about you. you still don’t know if you are brave enough to speak the truth again when facing him, and how you now realize the interconnectedness of jeno and herin just from that brief interaction at the venue. how each line of the conflicts you’ve been facing this semester is now clear.

“you’re taking me somewhere?”

“uhuh… but i gotta go back to my room first to get a change of clothes. i’ll probably pick you up in 10 minutes to let you prep yourse-“

“can i go with you?” you pursed your lips. “i, i don’t think i’m brave enough to stay here alone after what’s happened. i can clean up at your room too and we can go together.”

“okay,” he instantly agrees as he pulls away and hauls you to sit on the side of the bed. your feet touching the fuzzy surface of the carpeted floor as he helps you stand up. the sleepiness is still lingering as you lightly stumble towards your wardrobe when soobin lets you go to put on his clothes.

you pull out a simple casual outfit that echos soobin’s usual style of graphic t-shirt and ripped jeans and you also pull out a hoodie to cover yourself up—both from exhaustion and to not let people see you. the sound of fabric being dusted clean is heard as you grab your undergarments before tucking them into your crossbody brown handbag along with the belongings you pulled out. you eye the outfit you wore to the concert, remembering the fashion show you had to take care of, but the painful memories of it are the prominent thing instead. letting your phone go as you tuck it back in your bag, you turn around and see soobin already prepared as you eye your room to check any items you might left behind. he goes out first as you pull up the hood to cover your head and you both walk side by side to go outside of your hall.

it was still pretty early at the campus—around 8 in the morning. the only people that you see are people working out in the morning, from the joggers to the cyclists. the serenity of the atmosphere makes you able to breathe properly for the first time since yesterday and to let the oxygen circulate into your cells. you glance at soobin who knows where he is going, yet his eyes are stuck on the path you’re on. the hand that was brushing his then holds onto his wrist, making him pause his movement as he peeks at you from the corner of his eyes. you reach your hand up to his jaw to push it upwards, seeing the way his adam’s apple gulping on his neck and how long it is after you repair his posture. a dimpled smile comes from him as he interlocks his fingers with yours and brings you back to his room.

the warm water flows down and soothes your skin as you get yourself a proper shower. soobin’s presence is right behind you as you both shower together in silence. you look closely at his face when you notice his wounded face, hissing as you recall the only thing that came into mind was when you both were at the venue. you could piece the image in your mind even though you aren’t there; how soobin has gotten punches from jeno. with the way you hiss and a light grimace on your facial expression, he reaches his hand and rests it beneath your chin before pushing your cheeks together with his thumb and forefinger, making your lips pout as you let out giggles he also follows. few words were shared as if you both knew that you just wanted to enjoy this peaceful moment with him, and you both knew that the conversation you both had to speak about would come out after he brought you to the place he wanted to bring you.

the bus was still pretty empty on the saturday morning towards noon. only those who are doing morning exercise have come and gone as they arrive back or arrive at the beach to get a few waves in for their surfing or just enjoy the beach. the route the bus has gone by two significant stops for you in the past week: the stop by the old neighborhood you and soobin went—you catch a glimpse of the crowd in the wet market as they try to find the resources to survive for the week—and the stop near the concert venue that you and he visited. the bus goes past the still ever-crowded venue as it climbs deeper and deeper into the forested hill. the newly rising sunbeams being split by the leaves as the greenery calms you down even more. the bus then tells of the last stop of its route as it arrives at the bus stop by the entrance of the infamous lake.

stepping out, you see the parking lot has a few cars in it as you see the freely entered entrance to the lakeside. booths where businesses are placed are being set up for another day. the campground area has a few tents standing upright and the wooden deck stretches out to at least four meters deep from the edge of the lake. you were already tugging the strap off from your shoulder so it rests on the nearest surface, already wanting to sit by the deck and let your legs dangle by the water when soobin spoke.

“this is not what i wanted to show you.” your eyebrows raised as you looked down to see soobin’s hand outstretched; instantly locking with yours as he guided you into a trail in the forest.

the trail was only made of a path that only experienced people could find out as he expertly pushed the branches out of the way following the path covered with bushes. you both are still within the vicinity of the lake as the trail traces around the lakeside. it was as if he’d been here before to know exactly the place he wanted to show you, but soobin’s not a haeyang resident for all you recall. you remembered hearing him mention his parents who lived in the city and how they still converse with him, unlike yours who are busy with their own partners now after their divorce. the sunlight refracts from the calm water on the lake, little waves made by the creatures living in them as you can see a glimpse of freshwater fishes swimming about, eager to be fed or if they’re unlucky, will be fished out by the people that you found preparing their fishing poles by the deck. you glance back, seeing the place you arrived at getting smaller and smaller as you both reach a clearing on the other side of the lake where you were. you eyed a wider dirt path that goes to an asphalt road as if it is made to be a little hidden nook in the lake’s vicinity.

“thought we want some peace rather than being scared by the sudden noises of children playing.” soobin replied as he pulled out what looks to be a blanket of his that you’ve seen he uses for his bed. spreading it on the ground, he rested down and sit facing the lake, patting the space for you to sit on as he tried to tug something out of his bag. your vision watches him pull out a bag of food that you recognized, a smile growing on your face as you realize it.

“i know it’s not much. but i found you through miya when i went to the diner yesterday evening. so, here is my leftover club sandwich, and miss ahn also gave us strawberry donuts-“

“you met miss ahn? wow…” you eyed the brown bag and back at him, “even i haven’t seen her again.” your hand placed on your stomach, as you can hear it rumble.

“go ahead. you haven’t eaten since last night.” he opens all the packaging as you snatch up a sliced piece of club sandwich in your hand. it still is tasty even if it’s cold, but you are glad that you’re getting your body energized. you hummed playfully as you let your taste buds work, sighing as he followed suit—drinking the bottle he brought from his mini fridge as you and he left the room.

“welp…” you brush away the crumbs off the corners of your lips, “now you realize just how much of a loser i am, soob.” you tried to joke it out, already knowing that he wanted an explanation of what happened to you to get you into this mess you’re facing. you don’t even want to find out the status of your membership in the fashion show committee because of how jeopardizing the whole predicament is—you’re tired of defending yourself when no one seems to believe you.

“you don’t have to talk about it.”

“but i know you want me to,” you replied to him, scooting your butt as you sat closer to him and putting the bag of food in front of your legs. “i owe you an explanation after all.”

soobin hums as you both stare at the flight of birds that seem to dip their toes into the lake gathering the group up as they fly away into the horizon behind the edge of the trees that surrounds you.

“starting from the beginning, jeno is my ex and i dated him throughout my freshman year. very early indeed, i know. we got to know each other because we were in the same orientation group along with herin too. i didn’t know he was that much of a red flag back then,” you chuckled as you shook your head at how stupid you were to believe the guy and let him date you, “but when i started hanging out more with my fashion major friends, they told me who he really is and the amount of evidence that just piled up to convince me of his true character. he’s the one that made me as popular as i seem to be, though people knew me more as his girlfriend than what i am now.”

rubbing your sweaty palm, you exhale a long breath then continue, “and so, he has gotten too possessive. ‘(y/n), don’t do this!’ ‘(y/n) don’t do that!’ and i at the time was very much more submissive? than i am today. i wanted to make it work, but my friends convinced me to break it off because they made me realize how he showed me off like a doll he owned. i did just that and he went ballistic. i blocked his number and socials and tried to get rid of him. focusing on building my career as a designer rather than thinking of boy drama, so i ideate on making a sustainable clothing line out of leftover fabrics and i joined the fashion show crew so i have more experience.” you tuck your knees closer to your chest as you glance at soobin, who was still facing the lake as if he doesn’t notice you turning towards him.

“i fear having a serious relationship and was branching out for more casual hookups and such, and that’s when i met you. i didn’t have any other hookups after you and after that night we did it together. it’s, like, i just found the right one who still wants to be awake to hear me rant during a pillow talk even if we are tired of fucking.”

soobin lets out a smile as his dimple deepens into his cheeks, glancing at you now as you shy away, turning your head towards the lake as you purse your lips to find the right words to continue.

“so we have this relationship between us, me having a good social life with the people we met through my friends and parties, and i rose from my lowly position of a volunteer to be liaison officer to now working in the show department and gaining friends from the show committee. yada yada yada. but i didn’t know that herin was also a staff in the fashion show crew and i met her now who is leading the marketing department.”

“you always had bad blood with her.” soobin commented as he let his long legs outstretched, resting on top of the blanket-covered rocks and pebbles as it helped relieve his muscles.

“i do and the thing is: i don’t know how it happened. suddenly she was just, trying to belittle me as much as she could. my friends helped me stay away from her most of the time but then we got a class together and she threw balls of papers at me. long story short, she has a higher position than me in the crew because she had a way from being a student committee and she took advantage of that.”

“and you don’t fight back?” he eyes you, full of expectation, and all you can do is pout your lips. you always present yourself as a strong, independent, young adult woman who faces challenges head-on and is not scared to be a social butterfly—making you famous among your peers. but, you were the only one who knew the true you. the whole truth behind this facade you’ve been cultivating since you moved out of haeyang.

“we’ll pin that ‘cause it’s gonna get to there.” you clear your throat as he gives you the bottle, letting the water ease the dryness as you resume, “so yeah. she started putting her jobs on me and i can’t say no. her power overshadows mine and she could definitely tell my supervisor if i defy her. not only that, but since i got accepted to showcase my clothing on the show, i could lose both my position and my opportunity to showcase my work if i don’t behave. but from doing the jobs and meetings, physically, i’m slowly getting tired. but then i realized if it shows, i will get berated again. the cycle will repeat.” you take a glimpse at soobin whose eyes are looking at the area around your eyes. you’re too late to realize how sunken your eyebags must be as you usually wear enough concealer to cover them up.

“jeno then appeared, and he was trying his best to persuade me to get rid of my chance to be in the fashion show lineup, saying that his ‘girlfriend’ wanted to do it and in return, i could be a model for her fashion line. i openly said no, but he just threatened me then he mentioned you and how you just cannot be compared to him, trying to make me turn back to him cause he had more money and power as a haeyang local. but, i still caught on to him saying he had a girlfriend and just said no. he said something along the lines of ‘you’re gonna regret not coming back to me’ but i shut it out. well, i didn’t expect that to be recorded and spread around.” you giggle. you always come back to humor as your coping mechanism, thinking back on what types of decisions you made back then that you definitely won’t make now.

“then at the meet-up with the fashion show crews, i had finished doing my task for the stage design and all of that stuff when herin approached me, saying that i didn’t give her tasks back even though i remembered i already sent it to her through email—just like she wanted. but she got called out for not giving the tasks back to the project officer and because she didn’t ‘find’ any incoming email from me in her inbox, that’s how i got pushed.” you looked down at your shirt-covered stomach, “and got the bruise you saw.”

you turn your upper body to face fully at him, your eyes drooping down as you swallow your saliva, “but believe me when i say that i don’t ever slut myself to my teachers. the pic that was spreading was taken by jeno and i consented to that like the fucking idiot i was. i thought he might delete it after we broke up but using it for blackmail seems to be the reason he seems to have so many pics of people in compromising positions in his phone when i secretly look through it during our relationship.” you let out sigh, having the weight falling off your shoulder and you seem to hear it drop onto the rocks you are sitting on, cracking a few of them like your heart does when you see the picture spreading across the socials. just like how it is when you realize you might’ve broken soobin’s trust in you after you open up so much to it.

“now for the main course: the reason i don’t fight back.” you face back towards the lake as you catch soobin’s head turning towards you. “when i moved out of haeyang at 10 years old to a city i didn’t know, i always felt like an outsider. people asked me where i was from and where or what is haeyang if mentioned it. it was hard for me to adapt but then i realized: i had to blend in to survive. so i did that, and it continued throughout middle school, high school, and when i enrolled here. the only way for me to survive was to blend in with the crowd that could belittle me. but then meeting you change my perception.”

soobin’s hum rings in your ears, him taking an interest in what you are trying to say. with a few blinks, you let your eyes rest on his face. “you have this color of your own when i looked at you. like, even if you are trying to blend in, you still have your own interests and it’s from your alt scene shenanigans and astronomy, for me. how even if people say that your interests are a bit out of left field, it still piques my interest in you. it makes me think of what my interests are outside of fashion, cause i don’t think i had one.” you close your eyes to think of the next words to say when your memory throws you into a scene where you and soobin sit on the sand at the beach while viewing the sunset. yet, your conscious mind tells you that this never happened before, making you guess that is this jamais vu? clairvoyance? you don’t know for sure.

“when you showed your alien-inspired storyboard to me at the music store, i was and still am genuine to say that i see myself in it too. i realized just how alienated my life was when i felt exhausted from going with the mainstream; to join an event crew so it can look good on my cv, to go to parties so i can get more followers. and how i realized just how fake everything is when i started stopping regularly opening my socials nearly a week ago and you don’t know how glad i am that you’ve been wanting me around you.”

you watched as soobin’s eyebrows crumpled as he gazed at you, making your lips tremble as you stared at the blue sky above you from the opening of the forest. even if its color is reflected on the lake’s surface, you rather view it instead when the sun is still not high enough to blind you. the sky blue is clear as the sky doesn’t have enough droplets to create one rain cloud, and even from the distance you are in, you can see a deeper color of blue if you look closer to the sky as best as you can.

“the earth does look good if it has rings around it.” you blurted out, making soobin let out a silent gasp that made you chuckle, “just imagine if we can see the streaks of creamy white on the surface of the sky now even if it’s daytime. it would be so beautiful that admiring it’s just enough to lighten up your day,” you mumbled out, visualizing with your eyes on how the rings would be so far yet still is visible enough for people on the planet to observe it. yet it only created a small part of the circles that surround the planet.

“i wish i could be an alien to see it from space. i bet it looks more marvelous than here.” your eyes caught him as you read his face to find it took a downturn from the smile that was on. instantly, you reached out to him as you let your fingers rest against his.

“hey. i didn’t know my words would affect you that way and i’m sorry for that-“ your word got cut off as you closed your eyes, letting his lips meld into yours as your hand moved on top of his, cupping it as he did with your cheek with his other hand. the kiss is reminiscent of the one you got at the gig venue, though a bit more melancholic, as if soobin’s trying to tell you something from it like you did to him before. as he pulls back to let you both breathe, your thumb meets his fallen tears as you cup his face with both of your hands.

“fucking hell…” soobin cursed as he wipes his eyes, making you look at him in concern as his eyes rapidly moves, trying to get away from you who still looks at him. he licked his lips and took a deep breath. he rubs his sweaty forehead as you give a peck on the button of his nose. you see him contemplating something as his adam’s apple moves once again, pulling out the strawberry donut so you eat it. he follows as you soothe him, hand caressing his back as he eats his own portion of the donut. the taste always brings back the memories you had with yeonjun, but now it has the memory you had with soobin when you invited him to the diner for the first time.

soobin stands up as he puts the leftover bags inside his own for the nearest trash can and pulls you onto your feet. you both fold the blanket after you clean it up, brushing it hard with your hands so the specks of dirt fall. and now you stand with open arms, heart, and mind. all you are—as you say so—can now be read like a book to soobin as you told him how it happened, and he didn’t seem as upset as you predicted.

“i also want to share one more place with you.”

“you’re tiring me out,” you jokingly said as he let out a pout, but just from the way his eyes gazed at you with his tilted head—you knew it was serious. “okay, uh, let me help.” you stand up and help pick the blanket up before folding it against your chest. his eyes already looking towards the path, but the pathway closest to the road before he goes back towards the dirt path you both went through.

“just wanna ask, how’d you know a place like this exists by the lake? i used to visit this lake back when i lived here but i didn’t know that exist.” you try to keep up with soobin as his face just slowly going back to his resting no-certain-emotion face. both of you trekking down the path where you can see the lake getting more crowded with the visitors coming from the weekend.

“i used to go here with a friend of mine if we wanted to rest from downtown, taking a down time, and just talking things out. it helps you speak up and i’m proud of you for that. but i think this place i’m gonna bring you to is much more appropriate with what i’m going to tell you.”

a friend of his? is it when he was a freshman? did he have a friend he never told you about? your guess is han, but from the stories soobin told you, he’s just a business partner of his from the identifiable dynamic. yet, come to think of it, soobin knows much about haeyang even if he only stayed for around two years. it’s like he has the hidden gems around the town in his mind, like a local telling stories about the town they lived in for years. you couldn’t do that with haeyang now because you recognize little and from the memories that made you nostalgic but also painful to remember. maybe it could be how you brought yourself up and how it makes you not attentive enough to the changes here. this used to be your home a decade ago and is your home now.

sipping on the bottle of lemonade you bought for the two of you, the bus ride brings you onto the slanted road that takes you down the hills of haeyang. the background is the picturesque view you’ve always seen by the coast. more people come and go on the bus as you’ve just realized how much you missed out on haeyang. the way miss ahn’s diner still caught people’s attention, the two-story bookstore you used to go to in your childhood on the block corner now changes into a japanese ramen restaurant, and just how lively the town is outside of the areas you only frequent in your college career.

back when you were little, you always saw haeyang as a town you could tackle with yeonjun and your bicycle rides. everybody knows you as it seems so intimate and quaint. when you moved out, everybody told you that haeyang was nowhere; it’s so small compared to the metropolis you lived in where everything exists. then, you come back, still with the same mindset that you had from the city when you realize how much you failed to look out at the changes in haeyang. yes, sure it is smaller than the city you used to live in. but haeyang had a much more distinct color of blues and greens compared to the city’s dull monochromes. and you only realized it now as the color saturation come back, as you let go of the expectations and people’s perception about you that insecure you so much to say “fuck it.” the rose-colored glasses you wore back then were still there, but the tint changes to clear as you see haeyang into how it is—a vibrant hipster town that you don’t mind staying in longer.

the bus ride was quiet as all you could do was admire haeyang in a new light—soobin knew what you were doing as he didn’t bother you at all. the bus takes you past the campus and into a more residential area of haeyang where soobin signals you that this is your stop. stepping out of the bus, your eyes are stuck on the lighthouse on the edge of your eyeline, still standing as ever from when you were old enough to identify it. the surrounding houses make your heart bloom as the blocks still look the same as what you remembered. you can visualize yourself riding a bicycle just like some kids are doing now, riding past you as they converse on it. you glance at one of the turns to the blocks, recalling the road to yeonjun’s home that snaps back into your memory.

“i want you to close your eyes for me.” you shift towards soobin, who speaks with a cheeky smile, “take my hand and close your eyes. it’s a surprise.”

“okay…” you answered, slowly closing the lids of your eyes as your hand grips soobin’s tightly and he signals you to walk with him to your next destination.

with your sight covered, it makes you notice on how alive haeyang is, the sound of the skidding of bicycles followed by exclaims of children, the smell of the sea that is just kilometers away from here, the sun that hits right enough that you aren’t burning. you try to rake your head at where soobin is taking you and how he knows this neighborhood. you remember the small park you used to play when you were 6, on the jungle gym and colorful slide—though you don’t know if it’s still there. the lighthouse is near here but you remembered that there was a bus stop near it, so it makes little sense why he told you to step off here. you think about how soobin guides you, feeling how he tells you to turn a corner just by how he walks and how you let your legs follow him. the moisture made from your eyes is threatening to come out, but you relax yourself as to not destroy the surprise he has for you.

you sense soobin slowed down as he remains an arm’s length distance so you don’t collide with each other. your lips open as you take in your breath of oxygen and you feel hands on both of your shoulders.

“turn your body for me, please?” soobin’s familiar whispers tell you as you let him turn your torso to where you should be facing. from your closed eyes, you could see an imposing shadow taller than you and obscuring the sun. its shape is more rigid with angular lines all over.

“you can open your eyes.”

at first, it was blurry, but when you blinked it away, you let your eyes wander along the sight he was showing you.

it’s your house. the house that you lived in haeyang a decade ago. your eyes wander to the window placements and they’re still the same—you can look to the window above to know that it’s your room. it has vines and moss growing from the cracks of the exterior wall, and overgrown grass on the lawn, as if it is abandoned so it can rot. you notice a pristine white sign beside the carpool your dad used to park the family car at.

FOR SALE.

soobin’s hands are still behind you as you glance to see him also tearing up whilst seeing you tearing up. your eyebrows raised as you turn your body to face him, not knowing what to say other than, “how’d you know this place?”

his eyes tilted down to scan the cracked pavement as you brought a knuckle to brush the tear away from his cheek, a wistful sigh coming out from him. “i’d know this place is significant to you because it’s also significant to me.”

what?

didn’t soobin only come to haeyang at the same time as you were at the start of your freshman year? what does he mean it’s significant to him too? these thoughts are running down your mind as he steps towards the front door, making you chase him down as you state, “are we trespassing in? soobin, answer me.”

“do you want to see it or not?” he replies with a stern voice, making you taken aback as you let him kneel and work on the lock with what looks like a needle he got from your place. as much as it is morally incorrect to trespass into a property that you don’t own, the place looks abandoned enough that people might not notice if staggers stay inside or not. plus, it is your home once.

the lock clicks as soobin carefully opens the door handle, pushing forward as you greet the dusty hallways. though it has a dull color from the gray dust collecting, the place still has the same color as what you remembered in the past. dust flies as you both step into the hallway that leads you to the open space at the back. you feel weird seeing the old home that you left, a few pieces of furniture still settled inside but no sign of who lived here, because you recognize the items of furniture as the ones your family left behind when you moved—not needing them cause the new place already has better furniture.

the open space that is the living room, dining room, and kitchen combined still lets out a sense of familiarity for you. it opens to the empty backyard full of grass, either an empty spot of them or a spot full of overgrown.

“i-“ you wanted to say something but paused as everything came down on you and you felt a tear running down your cheek. all the memories of your childhood when living in the house clouded your mind. you remember how you and yeonjun always played tag in between the living room and backyard with his mom and your mom reminding you both to be careful, how you used to have a dollhouse in the backyard where you and he played family with you two’s favorite plush dolls.

and you turn to soobin, who has tears falling down his eyes, making you hold on to his face as you hug him to calm him down.

“i also want to share with you how the alien storyboard happens and anything that happens this week.” he rubs his sweaty forehead as you give another peck on the button of his nose, “but you’re going to think i’m crazy.”

“no, i’m not.” you lightly tell him, trying to ease the mood. but with the place that you are in and what he told you, you knew something must have happened to this place that also affected him so significantly. you eyed the plastic-covered sofa that is still put in the same position you remember, thinking of how much you spent sitting on it and how it still is preserved when you see no holes in the plastic.

“but to do that, i also have to tell it from the beginning.” he pulls away from your arms as he lifts the plastic covering off the sofa, eyeing the blanket he had in his bag before spreading it out to cover it. his sitting figure knowing that you’re there for another serious discussion with him—something you now learned you have always liked with him. you follow suit, resting your hand against the exposed knee of his ripped jeans as he leans back against the sofa, letting out another sigh.

“i,” he starts, “i used to live here, but it’s not in this line of time.” your ears perked up at the last words, tilting your head to tell him to continue.

“i was eleven and i became an orphan. both of my parents died in this car accident and i had no choice but to live with my next of kin which are my uncle and aunt. they moved back to haeyang—my dad’s family was from here—and he bought a home here after i graduated elementary. then i started middle school here and i sat next to a boisterous boy who you know because his name is choi yeonjun.”

hearing soobin speaking the name of your childhood best friend’s name makes you gasp. everything you remember about telling him about yeonjun seems to be fake when you realize he knew him, even more recently as the last time you saw him was at age 10. you noted some discrepancies in his story, but you let it slide as you want to understand why he has been wanting to stay by your side for the past week.

“he became a best friend of mine all throughout my teen years. the bestest of friends and might be even more. i used to have a crush on him actually, but i know he doesn’t see me that way so i’m just happy to be by his side. i started tattooing when i was with him, even tattooing him many times like i’m his designated tattoo artist. but the first thing that makes us close is the traumatic experience we both face: that his mom also died from a car accident.”

“but-“ yeonjun’s mom didn’t die here. you still remember an episode in your life when you were at his house and how his mom came back to buy some groceries and whilst you ate waited for your parents to pick you up. but, her frazzled appearance caught your attention, remembering yeonjun asking her what happened as she told you of a near-death experience she had gotten in a comedic way. if she was meant to die—like what soobin is saying of his different “line of time”—she survived here.

“yeonjun’s mom is still alive?” soobin finished your sentence as he nodded along, “that is true. and it relates to what i said on how i lived here but not in this line of time because,” he scoots closer to you as if someone is in trouble for hearing it, “i’m not from here. my body is really from here cause there is soobin here, but there are parts that are not. i’m from a timeline where my parents died but they’re alive here, a connected string of events from when yeonjun’s mom died but she’s alive here.”

he looks at his palm, lifting it as he opens it widely. he lets his fingers stretch as wide as he can as if he’s trying to show you something with it. “in my timeline back then, some people can be given this power to control time. i knew someone who had one like this which is miya’s variant in my timeline name min. so we discussed how it happened and told them how i got mine when i graduated high school. in those days, i was a punk who didn’t have a plan for the future other than partying and drugs. but i still have a lingering thought about how my parents died and how they died here in haeyang just like yeonjun’s mom. so i dedicated my time after high school to find out the truth because it’s too much of a coincidence. then i find a connecting dot: the same car.”

you’re trying to unravel the strings of it in your mind as you pin down which pieces of information have already been elaborated, but the way soobin speaks about it is so articulate, as if he has a script in his mind; as if he knows he has to tell it someday.

“the same car that killed yeonjun’s mom also killed my parents and that revelation breaks me. i was getting comfortable using this power, chronokinesis as what min and i called it, but then a thought came into my head: what if i prevent the crash from happening? do you remember when we talked about the most traumatic experience we witnessed and that i talked about a car crash?” he nudged to you, who was looking at his lap as you pieced up the words he had flown.

“yeah, i do.” your eyes move back to meet his as he nods, already signalling to you that you know the answer. that the car crash soobin witnessed back when he was a child was the same accident where yeonjun’s mom died.

“long story short, i succeed in saving yeonjun’s mom. and i arrived here, as a freshman at haeyang institute of arts and my parents were alive and well. i see myself having the tattoos i had back in my original timeline—that’s why i believe my body hijacks the body here—but i still remember the memories of the past soobin here too. i connected the dots on how it happened and i went back to realize that yeonjun hadn’t seen me for five days from the five days i spent time here, wanting to know how my life was here. and i realize how satisfied i was because i got my parents back and have a better life than the trauma of dead parents and abusive kins.”

“so you had to choose?” you blurted out, too engaged in the story that you just realized what you said yet you still continued, “between your original timeline and here?” you listened to the way soobin sighed, knowing what you were saying was true.

“yes. and you see, chronokinesis doesn’t stay in the soul who possessed it. a world-ending scenario haunts the users and they have to stop it with it. what min or miya told me, the way to stop the apocalyptic event was to find a remedy in yourself. they do when they come here to come out to their parents here or some other timeline they went. but the only thing i had to remedy for myself was the truth of my parents’ passing and to get out of the misery i was having.” he stops, gulping down his saliva and reaching to take a bite of his thumb’s nail before he resumes.

“that choice was so cruel. i either had to stay here and disappear from my original timeline or go back to be with yeonjun who needed a support system but then a forest fire happened and burned haeyang. so i chose to stay here and prepare everything, even the house i lived in to be given to yeonjun so he could take care of it. and when i decided to stay here, my powers were gone. i can’t go back if i want to.” soobin brushes his fallen hair away from his face as he moves his head to look elsewhere.

“then you met me and we became… us.” you seemed to summarize correctly what he was saying. but you also see it visually when you’re at the party where you first met him. he looks like someone who is trying to blend in when his aura just stands out to you, and you believe that you’re the only one who notices it.

“things become normal as we do our thing of being a college student: studying, partying, and building networks. until a week ago when i came across you, well not you now, but you from my original timeline.” soobin replied, licking his lips as he was waiting for your reaction. but rather than surprised, you feel satisfied as you can piece up the random memories that came to your mind of when you and soobin were on the beach or when you saw a look to be the face of yeonjun, much older and with a blue hair, that you don’t remember how it got there.

“she was there to meet yeonjun, to tell the yeonjun back in the original timeline on how his mom is here. back then, i also heard stories of (y/n) from his perspective. never did i expect you were also the (y/n) yeonjun was talking about. she only visited for a day but then we talked about what happened with each of our lives and i got the news from her that yeonjun wasn’t doing so well after my disappearance. and when she goes back and you return, i had this immense guilt crushing me.” his voice trembled.

“then the existentialist thoughts are coming. what is my purpose here other than to be selfish when my best friend was suffering when i was not there? is all of this is just a fluke? i felt like an impostor because i am one. and the thing is, i can’t go back.”

you can feel your eyes stinging as you listen to his monologue of revealing anything.

“and that’s why i see myself as an alien, 'cause i am an alien. an alien who is homesick but doesn’t have a way to go home cause the way to go back was buried on top of my selfishness to feel happiness.” the muscles around your eyes crease as you see his tears fall once again, the white of his eyes are now becoming from pink just about how hard he has been pouring out his feelings. your hand reaches out behind him as you remember when you caught him having a panic attack that night in your room, not being able to fall asleep, and how you realized that that was the reason for it.

“so i tried to grasp everything that feels real for me about living here and the only thing i could grasp was you. you’re the only real thing to me and even with our conventional relationship, you still are the only person i’m comfortable being myself with, both the me from this timeline and me from my original timeline. what that (y/n) makes me realize is how my feelings for you have bloomed so much. so she gave me tips: to let myself out to you more so you’re comfortable enough to tell me about yourself.”

you remembered a note on your phone that implies that specific thing—it’s been a diary of your thoughts you didn’t think would get spilled. but you gotta have to thank your variant self who actually tells soobin, cause you don’t think you might change your perspective of life if he hadn’t opened up about himself through all the hangouts you had outside of both of your comfort zones. just how monotone your life has been that you can’t also give the same tour of hidden gems he had brought you.

“i tried to make you know who i am to anchor myself back to earth because you’re the one i can trust to lean on when i face this problem of mine. every time i was with you, no thoughts of it ever came back and that’s how i realized just how much i like being with you, no matter how busy or hidden we are.” he turns his body to face you, grabbing onto both of your hands in his as he grips it hard. huge exhales coming out of him as even when you stare at him, the tears are pricking your eyes. his eyes stares at yours, expressing from the way he look just how determined and tired he also seems.

“please, help me stay…”

his words echo the same words you remember telling him last night. when you said it, you were already on the brink of a decision between life and death, as you seemed to be ready to give everything up to have a peaceful life. but when he said it, you learned just how big of a scope those words can be; because other than him also wanting to live, his predicament is much bigger.

because he wants you to help him make a home here so that he won’t feel homesick again. he wants you to be a place where he can fall back if he is floating too high to the edge of space.

both of you are aliens and all you two want is the place to belong.

and you know where you belong.

leaning in, your lips connect with his own as you feel the tears falling down your cheeks. soobin’s breath hitches before he calms—his hands gripping onto yours as if you might go away. the same feeling you felt during the kiss at the concert comes back once again, now with more colors. you sensed soobin’s hands letting go of yours as he cupped your cheeks, holding you so tenderly in his hands as if you were a piece of something so fragile. your hands trace up to rest on his shoulders as you tilt your head, letting him closer and better for you to breathe. everything you both faced from the past week being poured out onto the pool where you both are swimming in, drowning yourself with so many thoughts and things as you can’t help but think about how hurtful soobin must have felt. to think that he wasn’t needed. to soobin telling you the things that you’ve felt ever since you moved away.

you’re the one that pulled back first, resting your forehead against his, eyes closed as you just feel his breath against yours. your hand moves to the back of his head, holding him like he is doing to your cheeks—not wanting to let go because you’re afraid he might float away from you. your lips brush against his as he gives slight pecks, getting your heart beating so much that you can sense warmth around your chest cavity that could burst if you don’t hold back.

opening your eyes as you lean slightly back, you see how a sunbeam lights up his swollen eyes perfectly, making them look like crystals that are so beautiful and more valuable than any gems out there. your head tilted against one of his palms, making you pout as he gives you his signature smile, complete with the dimples showing.

“i’ll help you stay.” you blink away the tears, undeserving of seeing such a beautiful sight in front of you, “you deserve a place to belong, soobin. and i’m glad that i could call you mine.”

soobin lets out a wistful sigh before a chuckle, brushing his nose against yours, “i’ll gladly call you mine if you say so.”

you nod your head as you pull him back into a kiss, letting the emotions flow around you as if the aura exudes out of you twirls around you both. his hands tracing your outfit, the oversized graphic t-shirt being pressed down as he felt your warmth seeping out and you felt the coldness more. you’re breathless, tilting your head back as soobin trails his lips down to your jaw, licking the skin before he trails to your neck. giggles coming out of you as soobin remembers the part you are most ticklish, your hand trailing to the end of his t-shirt as you press your palm against his abdomen—something he likes you to do. he pulls back as you feel the hickeys blooming against your skin, nodding your head as you already lifted your elbow up so it’s easier for him to take the tee off of you.

your skin breathes as you feel the colder atmosphere of the room touch the surface. the sun shines into the abandoned home directly from the backyard glass door behind you, casting a shadow of you against him as you see the shape of your body. looking down, you could still see the hickey marks he left nearly a week ago, healing up along with the appearance of a golden necklace resting above the valley between your breasts: the golden necklace he gave to you. the heart pendant rested perfectly above your sternum almost hidden by the bra as soobin pressed down on it, making you give out a sigh from the combination of sensations all over your exposed skin. nipping your bottom lip, you didn’t expect him to leave it there instead of taking it off like the others.

shivers running down your spine as he caresses your covered nipples—your hands tugging on his t-shirt so he could also follow you. he lets his t-shirt fall down with your bags on the floor as he leans in to give you a kiss, another hand reaching down to cup against your nether region even if it is walls behind the jeans and your underwear. tracing down, you sense his muscles contracting from every movement he exerts under your touch. then you land your hand on his left chest, feeling the heart beating underneath it rapidly as you whisper sweet nothings against his lips. his hand reaches behind you, expertly pulling off the hooks of your bra as it falls between the two of you. you can feel his heart relax under your hand—following along with your own pulse.

he still let his eyes gaze on you as if this is the first time you had sex with him, seeing his adam’s apple move as you both communicate without words. he leans down, tracing his nose between the valley of your boobs as he kisses your skin, tracing the skin around where the chain and pendant touch. your free hand holds onto his raven locks softly as he moves to kiss your right areola, letting his hand take care of the left as he playfully pinches your nipple to make it perky alongside sucking on the other—feeling the gush of moist beneath you. your hand also moves to his nipple, knowing just how much he likes it as you can feel the blood streaming down to his nether regions.

“ahh, fuck…” your moan is airy, tilting your head back as soobin interchangeably plays with your boobs. most of the time he does it, he usually plays with it like a stress ball: slapping it around and making hickeys on it. and he seems to do such that, but it’s full of emotion and care underlying his actions. you let both of your hands trail down both sides of his body, feeling the ridges of his ribs beneath your touch as you skim his v-line. soobin wasn’t the most muscly man you’ve seen, but you love him for his realistic healthier body that still has fat in it, making it easier for you to grip on him without hurting his other organs. your hands hold onto the belt area of his jeans, telling him to straighten up so you can easily pull it down.

soobin notices as he pulls back, his chapped lips now full of saliva that is also glistening on your torso. he kneels on the cushion of the sofa, raising his hips up so it is a straight down motion for you to do. leaning closer as you tug the button out and zipper down, his bulge shows from underneath the black fabric of his underwear as you pull the jeans down to his knees. pursing your lips, you kiss his bulge which seems to grow more, earning sighs from him as he brushes your lips with his thumb.

“look at you,” he said, making you look up as you take in his thumb, wetting it all up for him as you give his fingers a suck to wet them up. soobin pulls away as he lets the wet thumb trail your chest and the necklace that decorated it. with your teeth free to grip the rubber band, you pull down the boxer to be met with his cock fully erect, springing out and hitting your hairline. a free hand gripping it, you felt the tip touching the corner of your eye as you caress it with your cheek, lips nipping the closest part to them. your other hand reaches down to play with his balls, lightly squeezing them as you feel his other hand gripping your hair. the other wetter one trailing down your spine as you bend forward.

you trail your lips up from the base to the tip as you give it kisses, letting you taste his pre-cum as you wipe it with your tongue. “just like that,” soobin commented.

your mind going into overdrive with thinking on the things he loves when you suck him off. though rarely when you both meet up, sometimes oral is enough to satisfy him and he usually wants it when he has a block that stops him from drawing. in you two's dynamic, soobin has always been the more dominant and even though you tried to dom him, he instead becomes a service dom that gives you whatever you like. he trained you as best as he could so you could take him as deep as you can, and you definitely will try your best to appreciate him for that.

slowly, you push your head down as you take soobin’s shaft in, wetting him until the midsection of his cock as you let your hand wipe the rest that isn't taken. your tongue idle in the position so that it can drag under his shaft, letting your saliva wet him. your eyes tilting up to see him as he faces his head upwards, jaws slacken as groans come out of him. and you felt it, the way his other hand now goes inside your jeans from behind, caressing your wet core as two of his fingers play with it.

“so wet already. only for me, yeah?” he questioned, looking down at you who is taking him so well, earning a breath hitch as your nose touches his pubic area, swallowing in a relaxed manner as you have taken him deep multiple times—as you already know how to take his cock down your throat so you don’t gag. you pull the cock out, hearing the slurping sound ringing through the big spacey room.

“only for you,” you replied, voice already not as clear as combined with your emotional outburst and what you are doing. your hands move, both of them around his cock, as you suck on the tip. letting go of one as you take him until your nose touches the other hand, both of them work in tandem as you also feel him stimulate you by teasing his fingertips to your hole.

“my girl,” he replied, hand gripping onto your hand to make you still as you let him move his hips so his shaft moves between your circled hand and into your mouth cavern. you whine as you feel him enter not one, but two fingers into your moist walls, making you lean back as he teases you once again. your free hand grasps his thigh, tracing the soundwave tattoo he told you about with your saliva and his excess release. you were panting for air when he pulled out, his face creased as you knew he was about to cum.

you let him pull your hair away as you also lift your hips to kneel like him, letting him spread your saliva from your mouth down to your sweating body as both of your lips slam into each other. the way the start was all so soft was now gone as you both let your teeth smash to each other, tongues exploring each other as you let him taste himself. his hand reaches your own jeans as he takes care of the button and zipper, pulling it down along with your underwear as you lay yourself down—head on the armrest.

his breath tickles you as he followed where your body is, not for a second hesitating to give your clit a kiss—making you shriek as you immediately close your mouth and cover it with your hand. your eyes look upwards, calming yourself down as soobin stimulates you with his lips and tongue. you see the unfamiliar ceiling, reminding you that you aren’t in your room, reminded you that you are in your old home on a couch that you might last sat on a decade ago. soobin’s fingers prodding around your lower lips and finding the right hole to push in, feeling fuller than when he did it a few moments ago as you turn to see his eyes staring at you and your heaving chest. he always knew what you liked, and he seemed to pull every stop out like you do. moans are going out louder than usual but you are inherently silent from the amount of times you have to hold back when you both have sex in your or his rooms. but the sensation is different. you feel yourself gushing even more, brushing his bangs as you watch the sweat trailing down his forehead.

“fuck, how can you feel better?” you exasperated, feeling his chuckle stimulating your sensitive core as he continues. his hand trails up to your stomach and presses it down so you don’t move your hips around, making a moan let out of you as you can feel every surface of his tongue prodding inside you. one hand on his hair—gripping tightly onto his locks to push him closer—and the other resting on top of his hand that’s pressing down on your stomach, curling your fingers on it as you tilt your head back from pleasure.

“cum for me,” you hear him mutter before continuing his journey of pleasuring you. your mind becomes hazy, signaling you to follow his command because he knows that you’re edging closer and closer—you both know so much about each other’s body that it makes you feel hot and shy at the same time. a loud moan came from you as you felt the gush rushing down and all your muscles becoming relaxed, his thumb playing with your nub as you see your excrement shining on soobin’s face- wait…

“you squirted.” he lifted his head as he mumbled, licking your release near his lips and even picking some that were sticking to his head. your panting becomes more audible as heat flows to your cheeks, making you cover your face as soobin laughs before plopping his weight above you—not all of them so as to not crush you down.

he moves both of your hands from your face as you look to your side to see the muscles on his left arm tense from holding himself upright. his long limb reaches onto the floor so that he doesn’t fully crush you. you eye the tattoos that painted his arm shines from the sun seeping into the room, biting your bottom lip as you reach your closest hand to caress it up. the doodle of a bunny that you made, the elaborate avant-garde lines of the drums, until the monochromatic saturn that you wish it could spin with your touch. you return your gaze to soobin, who is following the way your hand glide to his face. pushing your thumb against his skin, you gather the remains of your cum towards his lips just; like what he did before you suck him off. soobin’s thick lips gladly take the thumb in, giving it a good suck so that none of your taste remains uneaten. the scene left you agape as you pushed his head to let him meet your lips once again.

these feels different. the rhythm of your foreplay, the dynamic that goes from a rough, passionate stimulation to a slow loving, all seems to become a harmony that you and he made, like the music you usually played in the background when you are fucking. but now both of you are the ones that are controlling it. as you let his tongue battle with yours, you realized just how in sync both of you are: knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, knowing when one has to cum, understanding each other’s limitation and to give you a cool down. these feels much tender, much more love than just the plain—though not—old sex you usually have. your limbs tangle with each other as you enjoy each other’s presence all exposed with no weight, pushing you back after what you both have told to each other.

the way his hand moves to your hip breaks the trance, a single signal to remind you of the rock-hard cock leaning tall against the skin of your stomach. you move your hips as you let your legs wrap around him, feeling the breeze enters your vaginal walls that have already been stretched by two—maybe even three—of soobin’s fingers.

“make love to me, soob,” you mumbled, seeing the stars in soobin’s eyes sparkle even brighter than the sun that is lighting the world.

“i love you so much,” he mumbled, positioning the tip of his dick as he plays with your wet lips, earning a groan from you who is just wanting him to fill your hole.

“if i said it back, would you plunge yourself deep in me?” you replied with pursed lips as you cradled his face in your hold. he replied by giving the palm a kiss, making you answer with, “i love you too, bun.”

the stretch increases as his three fingers are never enough to fill you up to the brim. you can feel his tip kissing your cervix as soobin kisses down your neck. tears brimming in your eyes from the overwhelming feelings you are having, from the relief, to the lust, to the love. your legs automatically lift as it rests near his shoulder blades.

“fuck, (y/n). you still so tight even if i shape your walls to match my cock.” he reacts, moving his hand so he can let one of your feet rest right on his shoulder by the front, folding you in half as you smile and feel the tears mixing up with your saliva. you bring him down as he looks at your crying self lovingly, knowing deep down just why you were crying so hard as he tells it to you just from a kiss of his lips. soobin’s eyes landed on the way the heart pendant slips down your torso with every thrust. yet, he doesn’t stop ramming into you at the pace that you both enjoy. you can’t remove your eyes from the pleasure painting his face, jaw opens and eyes rolling back just like you do. your fingertips caress where his dimple is, pressing it down as soobin’s smile shows it to you.

as you both relentlessly pleasured each other—his shaft shaping your walls to make it only for him—you could only stare at each other as the world turned into a blur. the orange and black colors paint your surrounding blurs out so they can highlight him like he’s the light at the end of the tunnel: because he is your savior from digging too deep into the abyss of negative thoughts. he is so beautiful and you hope you are the same to him.

“i’m cumming.” you mumble from the rolling moans coming out, trying to calm yourself down as you don’t want to bother the other people living in the other houses besides the one that you are in. streaks of white flashes in your eyes as your cum lubricates your walls for him to continue on. his lips brush against yours as you heard him groan out, mumbles of curse words and praises coming out as you accept it with a kiss whilst his warm cum filled you. his back rises and falls with your chest as you are engulfed in his shadow, your fingers curled against his back as you are under his protection. and you feel him getting hard again.

“come on,” you muttered as you lower your legs to his waist, locking your feet together as you push him off of you with the strength you reserved—he reacted so well as to know that you want to mount him. with your position switch, he rested his head against the other armrest of the couch as you let your tight grip on his cock go. folding your knees so you can move easier, you feel his warmth gushing down from your walls as you see both of your cums out of your hole. his hands move to grip your side as you both look down to see the white circle on the base of his cock. you giggle so lovingly as soobin just gazed at you, setting aside your overstimulation as you move on him—lifting your hips up before letting him impale you down his enormous cock.

your face wretches as he kisses your cervix once again, feeling every blood vessel of his shaft shaping your ridge. your closed eyes letting you see the sun as you stretch your spine, nearly bending backward because of the feeling he gives you spreading all throughout your words. soobin’s dirty talk is non-existence as you can only hear groans and moans coming out of him that combine with yours. leaning forward, you rested your arms beside soobin’s head as he rubbed his hand down your spine—letting you feel the tingle as he traced every ridge of the bones making it. your forehead resting against his as both of your breaths combine with each other, hums, moans, and whines coming from you as he whispers incoherent words yet still looks at you with his sparkling eyes. both of your swollen lips meet once again as he pushes his heels down and hips up to match your rhythm. your necklace dangling in front of his face as he tries to kiss it, remembering that’s one way of him showing his love to you.

“s-soob- fuck fuck fuck.” your pronunciation comes in the same rhythm as you meet his movement. his palm resting against your neck as he gives you a bit of pressure that makes your head spin more.

“make me yours…” you hear him mumble out as your body shakes, an overwhelming amount that makes you float into space as you lean down against his chest and let your nipples graze his pectoral. his kisses and licks bringing you down while he guides you to make him cum again. his warning to you makes you look back down towards him, blurry in your eyes yet you can still trace his features as you lightly brush his lips with yours, giving it a small yet enough kiss as he pushes his hips up and stays there, his cum painting more of your walls as you can hear the sloshing sound of both of your releases. all messy, but all because you made love.

his hands rested on your lower back as he pushes your hips down on his, not wanting to let you go off his cock as you both calm down. you give him light kisses on his face before you push yourself off of him, his hand already by your core as when he can see his semen coming out, he pushes it in.

“stay in there!” he groaned as he pushed his fingers to make you take all of his load, tossing your underwear from the jeans as you quickly put it on, letting its fabric be the barrier to make him stay inside.

as you tried to walk—limping because of your hips from that much of a workout—you eyed the overgrown backyard of the house, noticing that the tree that was there on the corner of the yard was now gone as you could view the lighthouse in tandem with the cloud-covered sun setting down. the backyard door is ajar when you push it open, letting the outside wind kiss your nude body you are comfortable to show because of how tall the fences are—as it’s only for you and soobin to see. stepping out onto the patio and sitting down by the stairs leading to the garden area, you close your eyes as the breeze pushes your tears away from your face, helping you breathe the clear air that the world has allowed you to consume. your eyes stare upwards, seeing the purple that follows the orange as the sun says goodbye.

you felt something wrapped around your shoulders as soobin stepped in to sit beside you, wrapping the other end of the blanket around his shoulder until it covered your naked upper bodies. instinctively, you scoot yourself towards his warmth as he wraps his arm around your waist, letting you rest your head against his collar.

“now that i think of it, even if the earth has rings around it, they could ruin ecosystems on the surface,” he said, before clearing his throat because of how much it’s been used to let out his pleasure. the apples of your cheeks rise as you try to stop yourself from laughing.

“like, the rings can cover the sunlight and that could harm nature. trees and plants not getting their food, the temperature might be colder for the places that are covered by the shadow. haeyang’s probably gonna be a part of it and we can’t see the nature that we see now.” he finishes his tangent, turning his head to see you pecking his shoulder, making him chuckle as you both stare at the changing colors of the sky in all your bareness—to face the world with each other.

-

soobin looks at his reflection in the mirror as the hairdresser styles his head once again, brushing the hair down after it gets dried by the hair dryer. leaning in to look closer, he sees himself as a different man as the dresser behind him smiles at his reaction. he reaches for his bag to pull out a tip before going to the cashier to pay for his new hairstyle.

though the weather was hot as the sun still shone brightly in the afternoon, the hoodie he was wearing combat the blowing wind of the sea as much as he walked down the pavement by the beach. the pavement was newly fixed, yet he didn’t know much more about it as he told himself to always raise his head up—“so you don’t hurt your spine.” you said—as he eyes the coast of haeyang whilst walking towards the campus ground. his hood lifted to not let the sun burn his skin too much and to not show his new hair to the public yet.

he eyes the students walking around the campus as all of them are avoiding the sun, yet soobin embraces it even with the thick material he’s wearing. his lips rests in a natural state, his cupid’s bow lifting upwards as he scans the buildings he has gone past to find the right one he wants to visit. people who know him greet him as he goes by, making him let out a knowing nod as he only has one place in mind.

a signature set of knocks on the door later, the door opens to see you wearing a hoodie, shorts, and the golden heart necklace peeking out as you raise your eyebrows up. your hands reach out to drag him inside when you catch a glimpse of light on his hair.

“you’re hiding something,” you stated with a squint in your eyes as he takes in your room that is tidier than usual, even with the amount of clothes that are work in progresses unfinished as you were sewing them with your sewing machine. soobin’s eyes looks elsewhere but with a smirk, making you push the hood off of his head as you see the new hair style he has. a bleached blond even brighter than the sands of haeyang’s coast.

“the heck?” you replied, making a pout forming on his face as you leaned in to kiss it away while you traced your hand to his face, tilting it whatever you liked as he enjoyed your gaze on him.

“why blond?”

“you know… a new world, a new chapter. a change comes with that,” he replied, holding onto your waist as he leaned to give a peck on your nose. “oh yeah, how about your position?”

“oh that…” you give him a pout while he soothes you down your side, “i talked to my supervisor and told them i’ve already done my job until it’s done. told her about everything we know and found out about herin and she said okay to that. so, yeah. i’m free now other than finishing the clothes for the fashion show.”

“how about herin?” a chuckle came out of you as lightly pat his new hair.

“they’re gonna do a town hall meeting for that because i found out that i wasn’t the only one being blackmailed like that. but who knows after it’s done? cause i don’t. i can’t go to the town hall meetings anymore cause i’m not part of the ones making the show. i’m the participant in the show now,” you replied before you jumped, pulling yourself back as you turned towards the desk where you put your tools at. hearing the distinct familiar sound of a tin sheet, soobin sees you pulling out a container that still has the cookie’s brand name on it. but when he looks closer, he can see a thin hole at the lid.

“i got this container from elle and it made me think of an idea,” you pulled the cover off as he can see a ziplock bag of buttons, “that since we are going to save money together for the house, we can put in our contributions here. the black is mine and the white is yours. and remember: minimal 25% of your monthly income.” you step closer, covering it, “but are you sure that we can use your saving account, bun? aren’t your parents not gonna question where you get that much money?” you tilted your head as soobin reaches his hand out to rub your hair.

“my parents know we’re gonna buy that house, bun. heck, if we have bought it, they might wanna visit and stay at our house so they can hunt one for their own retirement home. it’s been my dad’s dream to go back and live in haeyang.” soobin replied, remembering the conversation you both had about the house where you both used to live. the house you plan to buy in the future.

“heck, i think my parents might help with the down payment and might take out a loan and give it to us because they’re excited that i’m staying in haeyang for a long run.” he continued as he settled himself down on your bed, pulling out his drawing pad and laptop as he is connecting it through the port.

“that might be a hassle for them,” you stated.

“it’s easy. they can take away the rest of my monthly pocket money for the rest of my college years to help pay the loan.”

“and how are you going to take care of yourself?” you replied as you spray the clothes you’re have done stitching with water so you can iron the creases out.

“money from tattoo commissions and probably gonna make lend some for me. if you don’t mind, though.” he winked as you giggled, “and if we saved money with your method, when can we buy the house?”

you hummed as you ran the hot iron down on the fabric, thinking as you got rid of the creases before you turned the clothes on the other side, “probably when we graduated.” you replied, licking your lips as you picked up the iron and clear the creases.

“and you’re gonna be there, right?” soobin’s question makes you snort, making you place the iron and turn it off as you stride towards soobin who has pulled out all his essential tools to do his projects, either tattoo designs, college projects, or maybe one he might haven’t told you.

your hand reaches his newly bleached hair as he puts his hands around your thighs, his head resting on your midriff as he tilts his head upwards to look at you. “of course i’ll be there. you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily, choi soobin.”

he reacts by kissing your tummy as you push yourself away from him, making him whine as you return to the clothes that you are hanging on the hanger and covered with the plastic covering. “how many outfits do you have to work on?” his voice reaches you.

“three more.”

“how am i gonna brainstorm then?” you hear him whine to get your attention, making you sigh as you hang the outfit on another rack you bought just for the fashion show outfits you’re going to showcase—one isn’t enough as you realized.

“just bounce your ideas on me, kay?” you turned your body around as you saw soobin with his arms leaning behind him on your bed, open wide to let you step in between his legs so he could hug you.

“three more outfits. and i’m yours forever.” you winked and he nodded, seeing you already walking to grab the fabrics you have to sew together as he opened his software to see the frames for his animation project, all based on his creation and both of your stories named ‘subterranean homesick alien‘, based on his favorite song from radiohead‘s ok computer.

yet, soobin doesn’t feel as homesick anymore, because he is building his new home with you; his fellow subterranean alien partner.

taglist: @raeyunshm @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @cha0thicpisces @y4wnjunz @yeehawnana @beansworldsstuff @kimipxl @stayzentiny @rebsmoonn @boba-beom @angelbythewindow @ttyunz

time wave taglist: @rein-deer-stuffs @kookthief @papiibuprofen @soobsfairy444 @yeombin @jaemacchiatto @zgkigia @strawbrinkofdeath @moaberryjjunie @fandom-kay

© writingmochi on tumblr, 2021-2024. all rights reserved