#working on part iv (related) and this popped into my mind

[andhumanslovedstories]

you think often of how nurses should speak and relate to patients, and i highly appreciate knowing you put this kind of thought in and share it with other nurses. but as someone who often occupies the patient position, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on ways for patients to interact with nurses, when we are in decent enough control of our faculties to make choices about that. i would like this knowledge from both an altruistic perspective in recognizing nursing is difficult and not wanting to voluntarily make it difficulter, and a wholly self interested position of knowing nurses who like interacting with me give better care. what helps as a professional and as a person?

I'm surprised how much I had to think about this question. What do I want patients to do? I don't know. A lot of it is basic human decency, some of it is specific to my nursing workflow, but overall I find it complicated saying what patients "should" do. I cut out about 500 words of navel gazing from this post explaining why. Here are answers I've come up, in no order and not of equal importance.

--a lot of it is basic "polite interaction with another person in a professional setting." If you're asking this question, you probably care about treating people well in general. If you wouldn't say it to a barista, would you say it to your nursing tech?

--don't do joke answers to basic orientation questions like "what's your name" and "where are you right now", because it's annoying to have to clarify if you're actually confused or if you're fucking with me. I know they're annoying. Just answer correctly so we can move on.

--have some flexibility and patience. Hospitals have a lot of moving parts, and each person interacting with you has other patients that also need care. My hospital and state has mandated nursing ratios. The maximum amount of patients I've had in one assignment is five. Other hospitals have far less protection, and nurses may have six, eight, twelve other patients. Our respiratory therapists each cover multiple units. One CNA might cover the entire floor. I know if melatonin is the difference between you sleeping or not sleeping, it is very frustrating for someone to bring it late. I just ask you keep in mind that there's dozens of reasons that might happen besides someone ignoring you.

--help us help you. If you can lift your arm up for me to put a blood pressure cuff on, why are you holding your arm completely limp so it's like putting pants on a toddler than doesn't want to get dressed? If you can help roll yourself in bed, help us roll you. If your IV is beeping, hit the call light so someone can come turn it off. If you don't have urgency issues and you can tell you're going to need to go to the bathroom soon, call before it's an emergency. If your IV hurts when I give you medication at 8 pm, tell me then, not when I'm trying to give you your midnight antibiotic and all the evening staff have already gone home.

--if you don't understand how something works in the hospital (what happens when you hit the call light, how often are people going to take your vital signs, why can't I get up and walk around the room), just ask. It's really easy for people who work in a hospital every day to forget other people aren't familiar with it.

--don't treat doctors noticeably better than you treat everyone else.

--pet peeve number one: if I give you pills in a med cup, you can just use the med cup to get the pills to your mouth. You don't need to pour the pills into the palm of your hand and then pop them into your mouth. You're gonna drop the pills, and I'm gonna end up on the floor looking for a tiny tablet of dilaudid.

--bundle requests, especially low-importance ones. If you ask for crackers and you know crackers make you thirsty, just request your drink at the same time. Don't make me walk to your room, the nutrition room, and your room again ten minutes later.

--I don't expect people in the hospital to be pleasant all the time, and I don't take snappiness personally, but I always really appreciate the patients who apologize or even just acknowledge their behavior.

--I love patients who acknowledge my work. I don't need effusive praise or a thousand thank yous. It means a lot for someone to just be like "hey, thanks for your help tonight."

--have patience with repeating yourself. If you've got something important and complicated to convey, practice a quick understandable blurb that takes no brain power from you. There may be something that you've told the staff a dozen times, and it may be documented in your chart, but in the hospital you see many people who have never worked with you before and for whatever reason didn't read that info in your chart. For example, I'm a float pool nurse which means I almost never see the same patients twice. I can get sent to a different unit and a different patient load at literally any time. I can't familiarize myself with complicated documentation or read every nursing note. Especially not for patients I know I will only have for four hours. I know repeating yourself is annoying, I know it sucks to have to explain your bathroom routine or your preferred pain med or when you like to get pills or whatever every shift. And it's great when people make that information very easy to find! But if you just accept the reality you'll be repeating yourself a lot anyway, it makes doing so less frustrating.

--pet peeve number two: don't exaggerate to make a point. This is such a human thing to do, and god knows I catch myself doing it all the time, but you can raise objections in a way that's factually true. I've got a lot of concrete data that people are very often wrong when they say they're been "waiting for hours" after hitting a call light. The computer has a time stamp of the last time I was in your room. I know it was 45 minutes ago. There's a timer by the call light. I know you called twenty minutes ago. And I know it feels much longer when you are waiting for basic cares or pain control or anything pressing. Things can be unacceptable without needing to be exaggerated. When the exaggeration is the base of your complaint, it undercuts your credibility. Honestly I find it really irritating when I spend a disproportionate amount of my shift with one patient only for that patient to tell another staff member that I've been neglecting them. Just say I did a bad job, don't pretend I wasn't there at all.

--don't ask me to pull my mask down so you can see my face. like cmon dude.

--I'm not saying you have to send all your visitors out of the room when I'm there, I'm just saying have some sympathy for how nerve-wracking it can be to do your job while being intensely watched by five other deeply invested people with limited context for your actions.

--this is a nebulous and difficult one. You might have a lot of emotion that you don't know what to do with. What you shouldn't do with it is channel it into every interaction you have with a healthcare worker. If you feel guilty about how you haven't visited your mother in a while and now she's in the hospital, you gotta find ways to deal that don't involve getting extremely passive aggressive at your mother's night nurse.

[ninjapaste]

speculating on the knight's motives and its relation to noelle/susie and the prophecy......theory??? (ch3/4 spoilers!!!!)

just an idea that has literally popped up after discussing the knight's potential motives/plans with @coolchocolatespread thing below!!!!!!!!!!!!

so basically im aware that theres not much basis beyond interpretation here but theres a few things that could be considered when thinking about the knight's/kris' actions in relation to a potential motive:

why does the motive lead to the two (or just old classroom) fountains being created in the school?

why does the motive lead to the fountain being created in the library the next day specifically?

is the motive made with the prophecy in mind?

why is susie's involvement and discovery of certain things harmful to this plan?

my own thoughts about these questions have led my opinions to lead to the idea that, for the first two questions, the reason could be closely linked to noelle, particularly her potential to come across these dark worlds. the fact that it was highly probable that she could have gone to the supply closet (wether or not the chalk was lost maybe??? due to a very speculative idea i will bring up later) and likely predicted/known that she and berdly would have gone to the library to study could imply that whatever plan was originally being made, it wanted noelle to find herself in a dark world.

After wondering "if its highly likely/implied that Carol is also involved in this plan and could know the nature of dark worlds, why would she leave the probability for her daughter to come across one?" I began to entertain the idea that their goal for noelle to find these dark worlds is, well, to involve her in the prophecy, maybe even staging for her to play a large part in it, thus extending their control over this path of fate.

it could be said that whatever plan the knight and kris are carrying out seem to play a heavy role in the prophecy already: certain milestones take place after they create dark worlds, and the slashing of the 'lord of screens' is carried out by the knight. of course the big disclaimer in this whole theory is the assumption that the prophecy presented in the dark sanctuary has not been altered by anyone. so the fact that they could take this control further by, say, staging noelle to become 'the girl' mentioned in the prophecy may not be too far fetched, the extension from control also potentially coming from the fact that noelle is the kind of person who finds it hard to say no sometimes/is used to giving up her control to people like her mother (and the player in snowgrave).

so ive just suggested that the knight's plan may have (initially) intended for noelle to be entangled in the prophecy that said knight already has so much influence over, which noticeably conflicts with the fact that susie is in the picture!! she ate the chalk, she went to the supply closet, she (maybe unexpectedly to the knight) also went to the library and is really the girl!!!!! girl its her!!!!!! shes a spanner of the works in the aformentioned plan, a fact that is emphasised by how her agency, freedom and rebellion is essential to her character, in contrast to noelle and as a threat to the knight's (and carol's) control!!! and maybe because of this, it is imperative that for the sake of this plan that she doesnt find the shelter code, and that she isnt welcome in the holiday house. i think a key detail that reinforces this dynamic is that the battle against the knight is instigated by susie, and her determination to fight said knight at any encounter is clearly the highest out of the three heroes.

i think theres still a lot of details that give me some skepticism to this theory (like the plan itself since we really have no idea what the end goal might be), the role of dess in all of this, the implications of noelle being 'the girl' and kris' role, but i think the idea above was too interesting in my mind to forget in my brain.

[saturnianoracle]

How to learn real astrology: what it is and is not

As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul.

It is VITAL that if you want to understand astrology properly, you come in with an open mind and forget everything you think you know. Especially, remove yoruself from the belief that astrology is some occultic mystical spiritual practice, and/or that it is solely some psychological tool.

I used to be quite the hater of astrology. None of it 'resonated', and it seemed like wishy washy hippie shit. In lockdown, astrology stuff kept coming onto my feed, and some of it made sense, but most still did not. I then initially wanted to debunk astrology. But when I properly stated looking into it, the deeper I went the more accurate it started to become. Equally, parts still remained highly inaccurate. But this was due to a mismatch of how 'influencers' out there synthesised and understood the traditional foundations of astrology and modern information. Thus, I committed myself to truly understanding astrology, and my life has significantly improved for it and I've only just started.

As an introductory post to what astrology really is, I have formatted it into the following sections: i. the problem with pop culture astrology, ii, the history of astrology, iii. how astrology works, and iv. where meaning in astrology comes from.

The problem with pop culture astrology

This is the type of astrology we see in newspaper horoscopes, online articles, tiktok viral posts, instagram horoscopes, etc.

This is borne out of the allure astrology holds for desperate individuals seeking an easy and quick answer to their life problems, and using it as a form of confirmation bias for hating their ex (for example). But this misuse of astrology will undoubtedly hit for most people, due to the barnum effect, but is ultimately inaccurate and those who think it true have now misleadingly correlated the pop culture reasons for why X happened to what astrology is.

The new moon in your 7th house is not a sign that your crush will leave his partner for you. Being a gemini sun does not mean you are a two faced, loyal-less individual. Having your sun sign the same as their venus sign does not mean you two are compatible. And so on and so forth.

Here are some key things to understand about astrology:

✎ Stop using co-star, and those websites which give you your astrology information like this:

-> This does not tell you anything remotely significant aside from standard archetypal and superifical meanings of having a sun in Sagittarius or whatever (which you might not even 'relate' to, because of a multitude of other factors this does not show). Your chart instead, should, at the very least look like this:

-> Even better, make a chart and add in decans, asteroids, and considers more aspects. Viewing your birth chart like this is essential for gaining a better understanding. Aspects are what brings everything in your chart together to give it more significant and individualised meaning, the houses and the angles are also explicitly identifiable this way. Also, always make sure your chart is in whole sign houses, I will make a post on this later on why, but you will have to go to settings for this as popculture astrology has made placidus the default (as well as other inaccurate takes).

✎ Sun sign is astrology is fake, no matter how much you think it resonates with you it is the wrong footing to base your understanding of astrology off of. Astrology is extremely complex, one thing might resonate for one person and not for another, because of house placements, condition of the planet, aspects to the planet, etc. Consequently, all basic and simplified delineations of a chart are unhelpful and will put you on the wrong footing for future proper readings you might wish to do. This is how astrology can be so inaccurate.

✎ Astrology is not about resonating. Although, this is a part of how we can test astrology, it is linked far too much with resonating with personality. Your birth chart is not a map of who you are specifically, we evolve all the time (as the universe, so the soul), it is a map of your entire life. It is a map of the sky and its energies the minute you were born. Some things you think you do not resonate with is because those energies have not yet played out in your life.

✎ Astrology is not a psychological tool, although it can give us insight into psychology when used and understood properly. Again, it is the blueprint of our life.

✎ Astrology is not spiritual. It is not a belief system, either. Although, one can use astrology to advance their spiritual practices.

✎ Free will exists. I will likely go into this in another post but the energies of our bith chart, solar return chart, profection year, progressed charts, transits etc, are merely indications of how things are likely to unfold. The energies are malleable within their themes' ambit, and it is up to us to decide how we choose to interpret what is/will happen and what to do with that information. A transit might indicate difficulty in a law suit, ok, how can I mitigate that then? What other charts, energies, and transits can I use? If I did not know of this then I would not know how to alter my behaviour to yield a better results, even if it might not mean a completely opposite result.

✎ Your natal chart will not show you everything. There are relocated charts, progressed charts, solar return charts, profection years, etc. All this goes into a holistic assessment. Your natal chart, however, will always remain the anchor of it all.

A brief history

Astrology is not some woo-woo, spiritual, new age, belief system. Astrology's history and use goes back to the Babylonians. It used to be intertwined with astronomy; Galielo and Kepler, for example, were simultaneously astrologers and practised it widely (even as court astrologers). People in positions of power have always consulted astrologers to time events, in the modern era many Royal families, celebrities, and politicans still consult astrologers. Carl Jung, JP Morgan, Nancy Reagan, and Roosevelt are examples of this. Of course, it might be argued that just because famous people have used/use astrology does not give it any more credit to which I say: ok please read my post below pls and ty xo.

Astrology's history has been relatively tumultuous, however. I have condensed this timeline from an article I found below:

- Astrology was a widely accepted practice but, in Europe, after the fall of the Roman empire and much of Europe, it fell into decline along with other disicplines. - The middle ages saw a renaissance of intellectualism with a particular focus on science and thus the astronomy part of it. This was largely due to the Church who viewed astrology as divination and going against free will. - However, in other parts of the world astrology was still a crucial element of daily life, and those in power would use astrologers to time events. - Astrology did re-enter the curriculum, though, in the 14th century, with a focus on being used for medical astrology in part due to the recently available Hippocratic Corpus. These texts were crucial to advancing our understanding of medicine, but Hippocrates emphasised that "a physician without knowledge of astrology has no right to call himself a physician". Astrologer still had a healthy dose of criticism back then, though. - Astrology was a major field of study in universities in Europe, well ingrained in daily life. - It died out in the 17th century, mostly due to the increasing emphasis on science being increasingly and misleadingly viewed as separate from astrology, the church, and astrologers falling into disrepute due to political involvement. - Its resurgence in the 19th century saw an oversimplified, and largely 'spiritualised' version of astrologer. This is because this period also saw an increased interest in the occult and mystic. - Since becoming conflated, astrology has become even further diluted, but this is not to say that every new discovery has been wrong; modern interpretation is crucial to informing the bigger picture of astrology and how we can utilise it. But it is vital to be critical and separate it from pop culture nonsense, aimed at lost and desperate people looking for quick answers and confirmation bias, and have some media literacy.

So, how does astrology work?

: ̗̀➛ Astrology has NOTHING to do with the physical constellations. Astrology is based on the signs on the ecliptic (the path of the sun amongst the constellations, which is the plane of the earth's orbit).

: ̗̀➛ The equator has 15 constellations, and the ecliptic has 13. So why do we have 12 zodiac signs? This is because babylonians divided the ecliptic into 12 equal segments of 30 degrees each thousands of years ago. The ecliptic was divided into SIGNS. 12 constellations were just used to identify where in the sky each sign would be, at the time for ease of astronomical mapping/calculation - it is merely symbolic. This is why Opphiuchus is not the 13th Zodiac SIGN, although it is a constellation (and has always been known).

: ̗̀➛ Another reason why they are not based off the physical constellations is because the actual size of the constellations vary massively in size. Below is a representation of this:

: ̗̀➛ As you can see, Virgo, for instance is huge, and on a literal view overlaps into the next segment because the constellations do not all equally fit a 30 degree division. Yet, we do not give scorpio like 5 days for its season, because the physical constellation does not dictate anything meaningful.

This gives us the tropical zodiac, which is to do with the earth's seasons:

: ̗̀➛ The solstices are therefore reference points for Capricorn and Cancer (tropic of capricorn and tropic of cancer), not the constellations themselves. Accordingly, the spring equinox is marked by Aries (with the sun entering the segment of Aries at 0 degrees until 29), and the autumn equinox by Libra.

: ̗̀➛ The precession of the equinoxes, are therefore irrelevant to astrology (and this is why vedic/sidereal is, in my opinion inaccurate). The slow change of the direction of the earth's axial tilt, over around 26000 years, cause a precession of the equinoxes. This means, the segment of the sky that used to be identified by the Aries constellation from the earth's position at the time, is now looking at Pisces. But as we know, astrology has nothing to do with the physical location of the constellations. Vedic astrologers use sidereal positioning, aka taking into account the precession of the equinoxes, yet they still divide the ecliptic in the same way. This causes problems, leading to many branches in vedic because few agree on where aries actually even starts. But, I will write an extension of this segment in a future post on tropical vs vedic/sidereal astrology.

Where does astrological meaning come from?

As explained above, constellations do not give us meaning, the planets in the signs do (of which the signs' names just derive from where the constellations were at the time, i.e. are merely symbolic).

Astrology operates in a heliocentric context, in that its setting is derived from the solstices (as the sun is what gives us life) and the ecliptic etc, but is geocentric in function in that the meaning comes from how the celestial bodies going through the signs affect us on earth; it is all about OUR relation to the planets, not constellations.

Returning to the quote above (as above so below...), what happens up up there reflects its energies down on us below. For thousands of millenia, astrologers have developed an accurate pattern recognition framework which aligns with the maths and astronomy. This was done using the ephemeris, which tracked the trajectory of celestial bodies against the context of worldly (mundane), or natal events. Eventually, this knowledge could be used for predictions, (to understand transits, or for electional and horary astrology), by utilising the knowledge of how the trajectories of the planets and their interactions with eachother in what sign and house affected what.

Why does it affect us? Well, all the things that happen above us radiate energies. But when I talk about energies, I do not mean it in some spiritual sense, it is quite literal. Everything has frequencies. As mentioned above, astrologers, since the Bablyonian times, have studied these patterns and created an objective framework to align with it. Physical energies or not there is direct causation. The moon for instance, affects the tides on the planet because of its gravitational pull. We are 70% water, there is little reason to deny that the moon cannot affect us either (it does). Perhaps you might understand your broken leg as because of being hit by a car. But astrology can assess the chart of the event, and transits to your own chart to provide further explanation of why you got hit by a car in the first place, and why it caused a broken leg etc. Subsequently, the energies of what happens above relate to the themes found in planets, signs, houses, aspects, asteroids etc - but these energies are not set in stone as explained above.

Ultimately, it is disappointingly small-minded to think that there is nothing 'greater' than the physical reality we tether ourselves to. We are in fact part of something bigger; and again I do not mean this in some culty spiritual hippy sense. It is literally a fact, the world and cosmos at large is so vast, mysterious, and beautiful, how could anyone deny the interconnected web we are all collectively a part of. We might never fully understand the mechanisms of the universe, but what we can do is use the information we do have to make use of it and help inform us on how to live better lives. The fact there is something 'greater' inherent in our lives, connecting everything, which is objectively difficult to truly grasp, is not a reason to reject it. A lot of people who are averse to astrology (which used to be me) are those who pride themselves on rationality and objectivity, yet are restricting themselves to a very particular interpretation of what rationality and objectivity means.

With all this said, I hope it has helped someone understand and appreciate astrology better. There is such a fascinating rich and deep history to it, spanning various cultures and eras, making it difficult to at least not enjoy learning about even if one still chooses to not practise it. I would like to reiterate, however, that to truly embrace astrology and its millenia of knowledge, evidence, and practice behind it, one must divorce its concept from pop culture astrology.

[angel-of-the-moons]

NSFW

Ive been dying for a part two of intrusive thoughts, or just Pavitr being a good loving husband if that alright wanting to try something new like a position or technique you choose.

Btw I REALLY love your work<33

ILYSM AND I AM SO SO SO SO SOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG???

My first attempt at real NSFW with a GN!Reader! (Related to my previous ask, Intrusive Thoughts)

Impending Actions

Pavitr Prabhakar x GN!Spider Person!Reader

TW/CW: NSFW, SMUT, just plain ole smut, semi-public sex, risky sex. Pavitr can read minds! :D

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

And, of course... Pavitr is aged up, before an anon comes shouting into my inbox about him again. (Seriously, does that guy just not read my warnings at all in my pinned post??)

Dividers by @/across-the-art-verse

When Pavitr had developed his latent mind-reading powers, you didn't anticipate him on just reading your thoughts out of the blue. Let alone at work.

Especially not the rather... risque thoughts you had about him.

You were ever the power couple, defending Mumbattan and your universe from threats both big and small, as well as helping out other dimensions from time to time when Miguel called on you.

But sometimes, bless his golden-retriever shaped heart, Pavitr was naturally curious. He would read your mind sometimes without even meaning to, just usually wanting to "pop in" to see how yo u were really feeling in the moment. If you were secretly upset, angry, sad... And of course, inasenly horny.

That one he discovered, came from a rather risky fight, typically if you'd gotten hurt in some way. To "remind you that you were alive" one of your thoughts had said.

And, well... Today, you were recouping from a tough fight with one universe's Rhino variant. He had tossed you rather roughly into a wall, knocking you unconscious and leaving Pavitr to carry you back to Spidey HQ's medical bay, where Peter A (the Spider-Man everyone affectionately referred to as "Spider-Medic") began to treat you.

When you woke up, you were sore for sure, but otherwise perfectly fine. Your minor healing factor had been sped up a little with a serum from Miguel's universe to heal any fractures you had, and Peter A had given you a clean bill of health, but recommended you take time off to rest properly.

Pavitr had sought you out, immediately threading your hands together as he left you through the halls.

"Pav, I'm okay." You assured him as he pulled you along, "Really. Peter just said I need some rest and I'll be fine in a few days."

"I know..." Pavitr mumbled, his fingers squeezing yours tightly for a second. "I'm just... I'm happy you're okay. It was... It was scary watching you just--just fly through the air like that, y'know?"

You ought his hand back until he comes to a stop, pulling your masks up before giving him a soft and sweet kiss, "I know, honey. But I'm here. I'm alive. So let's just take that for what it is, okay?"

Pavitr's mouth hung open in a short breath as he processed your words; before yanking his mask back down as he dragged you around a corner and to a nearby door. Looking around to see if anyone was following you two or coming, Pavitr opened the door and pulled you inside.

It was some kind of utility closet. One that didn't appear to be frequently used, judging by the thin layer of dust that covered the metal boxes stacked so meticulously.

"Pav, what are we--"

He cut you off by ripping his mask off and dropping it to the floor, cupping your cheeks as his lips crashed into yours. The gasp that left your lips giving him an opening to slip his tongue past them to eagerly dance with yours.

You moaned softly, sinking your fingers into his silky dark hair; your mouths only parting when you needed to breathe.

"P-Pav..." You groaned when he turned you around and pushed you against the wall, one of his hands yanking the bottom half of your suit down to your thighs--giving him access to where he knew you had imagined him being more than once. Maybe not in a storage closet, but...

You yelped and whimpered when he spit onto his fingers, slipping them between your legs to prep your hole, gently probing and thrusting them in and out of you to stretch you out in preparation for him.

Your moans and squirming had his dick already half-hard, the thrill of it all sending a rush through his bloodstream.

"S-somebody might catch us, P-Pavitr..." You whimpered, your cheek pressing into the thin dust that coated the box; dirtying half of your mask and the front of your suit as heat coiled low in your belly while Pavitr playing with your clenching hole.

"Th-that's what you like, isn't it?" He panted, trying to keep his voice level. But it was difficult, the sounds you were making, the way your body felt around his fingers, and oh how painfully hard he was...

"Y-you like the thought that s-somebody might catch us?" He asked, pulling his fingers out of you gently; leaning in to whisper in your ear. "Just let it happen, lovie..."

You groaned as you felt his erection press against your ass while he leaned in. You arched your back, grinding against him. The way his teeth snagged his bottom lip to suppress the groan that stayed trapped in his throat had your toes curling.

"Fuck..." You gasped softly.

Pavitr leaned back, his dark chocolate eyes hazy and needy for you as he fished his dick from his suit, not wasting any time in guiding it into your prepped entrance.

The sound that came from you when he pushed into you had Pavitr lunging to cover your mouth, "E-easy!" He shushes you, panting softly as he bottomed out.

You moaned against his hand, eyes rolling back as he set a quick, sharp pace for the both of you. The adrenaline from your near-death experience coupled with the thrill of possibly being caught had you both so strung out you knew neither of you were going to last long.

Especially not with hoe the head of his cock brushed that sinfully divine spot inside of you, pressing hard against it with every grind of his hips.

His name leaves your lips, muffled by his hand as he whimpers and grunts in your ear; the soft slap of his suit against your skin even more quiet than the pleasured sounds you both were making.

Your thighs ached and trembled as that familiar burn snaked its way through your core; pleasure thrumming along your veins like a potent drug as Pavitr drove himself deep with evert frantic rut of his hips.

"A-are you g-gonna--" He moaned, "Gonna..."

You nodded, whimpering and whining into the palm of his hand. You both knew full well how loud you could get--and if he removed his hand from your mouth you would definitely give the two of you away and the embarrassment would last a lifetime afterwards--so he kept it firmly planted over your lips, his other hand gripping your hips to help guide you back against his every thrust.

Your orgasm slammed into you with a dizzying punch; your sounds of euphoria muffled still; maybe he could hear them when you two got home.

The way you clenched, your silky, searing walls gripping him so tightly... it was the most addictive feeling he ever could indulge in. He would never get tired of how good it felt to be inside of you when you orgasmed.

"I-I'm gonna--" He grunted tightly, his jaw clenched so hard you thought he might snap his mandible.

His heavy breaths ghosted over the exposed skin of your neck as he thrust once, twice... and you shuddered and cried softly as you felt his hot spend coat your walls and paint them a nice, milky white.

His body went slack, collapsing against you as his cock throbbed and twitched in the aftermath of his own climax. He wrapped his arms around your midsection and pulled you against him, kissing your exposed neck and tickling the short hairs there.

"Ah..." You sighed in bliss. "We... mmm. We should hurry up and go before we're missed..."

"Y-yeah..." He babbled, pulling out of you and making you both trembled and your breath stutter at the loss of warmth.

You both fussed, brushing the dust (as best you could, anyway) from each other's suits and hair and yanking your masks back down to conceal your flushed expressions--but not before exchanging a quick kiss.

You left the storage room, hand in hand, a sway in your steps due to your jelly-legs, absolutely content. And... excited, thinking about what kind of trouble the two of you were going to get up to when you got home...

"Really?" Pavitr gasped, his mask-eyes going wide as he gawked at you. "Y-you're already thinking about..."

"Hey! We had a deal, you jerk!" You laugh, bumping his shoulder to yours.

Pavitr chuckled softly, "Okay, okay... I can't help it sometimes, though! It's like my brain looks for yours for like--like a hug or something!"

You roll your eyes with a sarcastic snort.

Your watches beep, and as you looked at them, Lyla's tiny avatar appeared on your wrists.

"Heya, kids! Have fun with your little closet rendezvous?" She grinned, flicking her glasses down the bridge of her nose as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

You were thankful for your masks, because... ohhh... your faces. Your poor, poor faces...

"H-how do you--" You sputtered.

Lyla laughed and tapped her foot, "Well, next time you two are gonna sneak off for a quickie... Make sure there are no cameras."

You both simultaneously felt your hearts drop, before she started talking again.

"And take off your watches. Your bio-signs were definitely telling a story, there. Whew!" She laughed, slapping her knee.

The AI smirked up at the two of you as you began to panic, and she smirked playfully.

"Don't worry." She winked, "I disabled the cameras and switched your monitors to my private feed. As far as the Big Guy is concerned, you guys just took them off for a while and are resting in one of the suites."

"Lyla, don't you ever--" You blurted.

"Hey, I'm not gonna tell! I'm your homie, kids. Remember that! Snitches and stitches and all that. Bye!" She laughed comically before vanishing.

You and Pavitr shared shell-shocked expressions, about to speak before Lyla blipped back into view to say something;

"Oh, and my advice? Wrap it before you tap it, kids!"

As her avatar winked out of existence, you and Pavitr made a dead sprint, hastily typing your dimension into your Goobers so you could make it home to avoid dying of embarrassment.

[cybercritterinyourcomputer]

writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep

to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?

i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me

i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever

it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here

where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear

its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me

because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head

there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that

i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay

[pastara-cell]

FAVOURITE AU IDEA AAAA DAY 17 IVE BEEN WAITING IVE BEEN WAITING IVE BEEN WAITING I HAVE TWO ANSWERS BUT I’LL DO TWO SEPERATE POSTS BECAUSE IF I DO BOTH OF THEM IN THE SAME POST YOU’LL BE READING AN ENTIRE FIC AT THAT POINT

PART 1 (Double Life Au)

—————-

Okay so, This is sorta similar to yesterdays thing, and also, I’ve literally posted about this, but now that I have my medication, i can ACTUALLY write it. TMF DOUBLE LIFE AU- Okay okay wait wait lemme recap then I’ll go into detail, because I dont want this to be a complete restatement of my older post, as its been more fleshed out since then.

So, for a recap, if you dont know what double life is, them it’s essentially the 3rd season in a mcyt series called “the life series/traffic life”. In this season, people are paired up with anothet person, their soulmate, and they take damage when the other person takes damage.

However, with that being the canon, many different headcanons and fan conceps have popped up for it, such as feeling everything your soulmate feels (Physically and mentally). I’ll only give one example because there are physically so many that i’d be here all day talking about them.

I would also like to take a second to say that i’m a firm truther in the fact that double life is an allegory for the fact that you cant be forced until love. Also, remember that soulmates can be platonic or romantic, or sometimes even enemies! (Not like im gonna make zailey soulmates, they could be platonic but Its just not my thing)

So what I proposed is that we take the tmf guys, and we throw them into the double life universe! This au was just a thought at that point, but I have it mostly mapped out now! So, heres a lil thing showing all the pairs ^^ (what no, I didn’t steal half these screencaps from rosypenguins and the tmf suffering bracket…LIESSS/silly)

(The letters to the side stand for what the pair is. R means romantic, p means platonic, q means QPR, and c means complicated)

Now im not gonna sit here and go over each pair, however, i’ll dump some headcanons for the au!! (If you end up using this au, which i totally dont mind, please change anything you want!)

————

-The reason Drean is a confusing pair is because they dont know eachother, or atleast, not well. They’d probably not know how to properly talk to eachother at first. I could see this going from not knowing eachother, to platonic, to romantic, but any way works and they’ll be able to be interpreted as romantic or platonic

-Staisy QPR because yes.

-ran out of people to pair up, and decided “huh, okay then, sadie and maria” and tbh, why not. New rarepair. They go from mild dislike to loving eachother practically as soon as they bond.

-all the pairings in this are based upon canon friendships, my personal headcanons, and whatever I felt like putting together.

-Lia and Zoey are NOT friends in this au, well atleast not anymore. But they’re stuck together.

-Hailey and milly cause i need to see them interact more

-Milly and Elliot totally do a secret soulmate thing, like bigb and grian, but are super awkward about it. Hailey and jake know, and they think it’s hilarious

—————

Enough about the pairings, au facts time!!

-Drew is a past watcher. Take that as you will with your own watcher lore ^^

-Sadie is a listener, also take that as you will with your lore.

-Because I can and Because I will, Liam and henry live in the “relation-ship”. They’re the boat boys. No other pairing lives in the same houses as the original mcyts, Just those two.

-green, yellow, and red lives still exist. Yes they can die. Yes, my friends, this does mean angst.

-Will take place in the terrain of the double life map. Only things that are missing are the structures that were built by the mcyts, the cake does not exist, nor does pearl’s tower or anything. The relation-ship is there but thats an exception.

Mayyy update this, part 2 with my othet au may come out today or tomorrow, depends on how lomg it’ll take me to do stuff. ^^

[fushitoru]

hi aashi!! i just need some love advice, and i know u're gonna think im a loner because why is some random anon in your ask box asking about love advice like HELLOOOO??? but erm all of my friends are in happy relationships and whenever i talk ab guys w them they give me this look of pity idek how to explain it and i genuinely have like...3 friends so idk who else to ask :(( and i feel like ermrmrm you're good at this stuff cause cause i get the vibes from you like cool older sister vibes!!! so you can ignore this if i'm being annoying or anything but i'm just gonna...yap it out rn so there's this guy in my college and he is THE cutest man i've ever laid eyes on. he looks like geto if geto was a real walking talking man. he's also super...intimidating and like crazy rich because he throws a bunch of 'exclusive' house parties and literally everyone on campus knows him??? also a bunch of girls are into him, and like...i doubt he even knows if i exist cause i'm super anti social and DO NOT take part in any extra events and stuff...but!!!! we got paired for this photobook committee thing and and he followed me on ig :3 but now i have like...0 experience w men okay like ive never ever dated i havent even held hands romantically so i'm just so stuck on how to approach him. i've tried to initiate convos regarding the project thing but he's just so BLANK ahahshsh idk what to do i'll cry.

HIIII BB :3 i gotchu <3 let's go line by line to unpack this

but erm all of my friends are in happy relationships and whenever i talk ab guys w them they give me this look of pity idek how to explain it

PLEASE. i'm sorry you can't get much more valuable advice from them, but sometimes that's the situation we're in and the friends we have. i hope you just can lean for support to them in case anything ever happens <3

i feel like ermrmrm you're good at this stuff cause cause i get the vibes from you like cool older sister vibes!!! so you can ignore this if i'm being annoying or anything but i'm just gonna...yap it out rn

my inbox is open whenever u wanna yap so i gotchu <3 and yes i am an older sister, and i swear i popped my younger sister out my own pussy i give her relationship advice all the time and im basically her second mother. anyways, take this with a grain of salt; i'm not sure what will resonate with you because you may have other priorities that im not hitting at, but i'll give you my advice based on MY experience and what I would feel would be best if i were you <3

ok anyways moving onto advice.

first of all, i don't think there's a big issue with him being dry, you're someone who's paired to him for an academic / extracurricular project. not everyone is super chipper when talking to their project about work akfnwekfn. just try to joke around, be your normal self. if he's not being *nicer* over time that would give me the ick. if he's giving you nothing at all, not even joking with you or, when you're meeting in person, you guys aren't vibing: i would drop him, love. at that point, if he's not even actually CHARMING, then you're just romanticizing a version of him that's not real. and then he wouldn't be geto bc geto would be a rizz lord to anyone he talks to :(

then, moving on to how to approach him. im going to be honest: in my mind, you only have a chance with a person to potentially date them after you let your intentions be known, that you view them as someone you would potentially want to be non-platonic with.

when (or if) you get comfortable with him, you can try to flirt, drop hints, and/or just straight up confess. for the flirting / hinting part, it'll be somewhat natural if you guys get a rapport going and become friends. if he's giving you that vibe, start getting closer to him. you could message him about something related to your project and then perhaps the conversation dive into something else that's not related to the project. im going to be honest i think these things are just like making friends, and then if you're comfortable, you can easily sneak in flirty comments.

now, about CONFESSION / asking him out: if you're scared of rejection (like me) i'll give you a roadmap on if you SHOULD confess to him.

first of all, im assuming he's not in a committed relationship. if he's not, DON'T DO IT BABES. and if he's single, he's either single single or in a situationship. if you know any of these details good! if he's in a situationship, watch out because you might also turn into a situationship. if he's single, then yippee! better chances.

now, if he's someone who's super distant from you and you guys don't have too many friends in common (which is what it appears to be like), i would totally confess when the photobook committee is near its end. that way, you might never see him again and there won't be *too* much awkwardness if you're finishing up the project. you quite literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain. DO ITTTT! what is college for if not young love, drama, and (potential) rejection from a popular guy on campus? take risks bb, that's the only way you're gonna get something. if you dont go out of your comfort zone, then you wont be able to grow the relationship at all. like what's the worst he's going to do? unfollow you on instagram, tell a couple of his close friends (the same ones you dont really know?).

ANYWAYS this got super long and idek know if this is what ur looking for, but this is what i would tell my friends based on the info you gave me. keep me updated, and my inbox is always open <3

[storiesofsvu]

https://www.tumblr.com/storiesofsvu/756561724151414784/ask-game-for-fanfic-writers

How about every integer of 10? 🙏🫡

10,20,30,40,50,60,70,80,90,100

(or less if that's too much)

ooo bless!

10. at what point in the process do you come up with titles and how easy or hard is that for you?

fuck. i HATE titles. 99% of the time it's the very last thing I do and half the time i forget about it until i open tumblr to make the post. For one shots i generally read through it again and pick a phrase or repeating word and use that. For series: i'll usually pop onto discord with a brief summary and ask if ppl have ideas, otherwise i have a note in my phone of potential titles that are generally song titles or lyrics. i like my series titles to actually mean something and tie into the story whereas i dont give a fuck about the one shots LOL

20. what is your favourite trope to write?

forbidden love? we're gonna pretend that's a thing lol. like, stories have to have conflict and what's better than two people who wanna fuck/date/whatever and either can't or shouldn't, or like, their bosses would frown upon it, right? like, any and all degree of it, not particularly totally forbidden.

30. most inspirational quote you've ever read or heard that's still important to you.

christ. i cannot think of anything rn. My mind went straight to disney because there are so many things that light up my passion/motivation. the last time we were there we saw the "new" (lol) fireworks show and it had this little speech that was all "no go, let your dreams guide you, reach out and find your happily ever after" and it was kinda the resurge i needed at the time to be all "oh fuck, that's right, i just need to focus" as the old fireworks show had a bit that i like, wished on every fucking night and always made me cry about cause of how i related to it. wow i'm SO cool HA.

in high school (performing arts) certain people got to sign the theatre crossover wall at graduation and i got to and i singed it with a Fosse quote but i cannot remember it anymore for the life of me loll

40. best piece of feedback you've ever gotten?

bruh ive got no clue. i dont get/ask for feedback basically ever. esp recently people have been more just "omg so good" or "next part??" uhh... yeah, i dont think anyone ever has minus like a comment here and there with a friend when spitballing and i have a goldfish brain so i cannot remember.

50. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

bit of both! for one shots it's usually just the prompt i was given/found and MAYBE a bit of a blurb scenario.

series: i will not start until i have a much more detailed outline and a rough idea of how it's going to end. nothing is specifically labelled and as i work on the story the outline gets longer, more fleshed out, sometimes there's full conversations or smut pieces in the outline and eventually ch's get labelled and sometimes it's like "ch 4, they go to this hotel and fuck" lol

60. where is the most dangerous place that you're written fic?

work. was stuck in the bar (that guests dont have access to) during service time with nothing else to do. my manager literally came in and teased me about not working and then later asked what i was working on and i said "fanfic, but that's all i'm telling you cause a lot o its real gay and real dirty" LOL

70. are you ever critical of your own writing? how much do you find yourself editing (either during or after the fact?)

i'm SO critical, but it's like, when i'm rereading it months down the road and it's been posted and too late to edit LOL. and it's mainly me just looking at old works that are SO trope filled and slightly cringe and include lot of the stuff that i no longer write.

I don't edit too much at all lol. I'll catch most typos or grammar while going/on a brief read through but it's VERY rare i'll actually go back to edit a full passage the next day or anything. Hence my very detailed outlines! i will edit from there to the fic cause i'll add to the outlines whenever something sparks in my brain and i know its good lol.

80. do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc in your writing?

uhh... no? LOL. sometimes i do, and sometimes they just end up there completely by accident.

90. do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

absolutely. why do you think there's so much profanity? LOL. but also as someone who writes mainly reader insert, there is a little bit of me in every yn i write

thanks for asking!! <3 (and that's never too much lol)

[fnaf-sxc]

Just a random question: if you were to choose songs to represent your gijinka animatronics what would they be?

For all of them or individually? I have a few songs I associate with them that I can share. Others are situational or shipping related so akjsldhsa

Black Heart was designed after music/with music in mind, espeficically 2010's K-Pop [Bigbang]

But out of that his main song is Cupid by Jack Stauber

But Blank Space by Taylor Swift goes well him him

Toxic and Sham is funny because they both have one ssigned 2010's pop song about the other.

Buttercup by Jack Stauber from Sham's pov and Two time from Toxic's pov works too of their relationship

CLOWNTRAP AND BLACKICE IS JUST THIS

GRIM AND FROSTY'S DRAMA ARC WAS ADAPTED TO FIT THIS

Lockdown is such a banger fnaf song-- is vague enough to be open to interpretation

I havent work much with it outside my brain, but I associate this with the 3 main bosses of the Rental Service. The same lyrics with a different music shift and a different meanint [8bit, Goldie and RXQ in that order]

Flaming ive had the chance to apply two of them

RXQ has a bunch of songs associated like lmao.

"AaAAaAaAa" from nashimoto-p (vocaloid) Darkest desire from dheusta and dawko Let me out by apangrypiggy and dawko im not in love by crystal castles (their relationship with Flaming) Superstar by CG5 [their relationship with Frostbear]

THIS ONE IN SPECIFIC THOUGHT:

I dont want to explain why- but ive drawn this song with RXQ before [when they were Glitchtrap]. Not something I will share anytime soon but oof. Is deep.

Edit: Alright just one part

There is a limit of 10 videos so I had to cut a bunch of things but ajkslhdasjkd yee

[mcschnuggles]

im legit praying this works bc if not thats fine i still have the draft of the comment saved but im SO ANNOYED ao3 literally never did this before,,,, youre the only author they've marked me as spam for and im DEVASTATEDDDDDDDDD

schnuggs pooks my dude ao3 keeps marking me as spam so im sending the comment here which is SO NOT THE SAME THING so if you could do me a solid and put it on ao3 on my behalf so you can see the blockquotes and stuff thatd be great xoxox anyways here's the comment:

<p>ITS A NEW DAYYYYYYYY hello schnuggs my beloved, my pookie, my bff &lt;3333<br /> first replying to our quick tumblr convo hee hee &lt;3<br /> i cant agree more, ouran is <em>such</em> a comfort show for me too! whenever im really sad, i pop on an episode, cuddle into my comforter, and embrace the serenity of its soothing aesthetics and light stories...its <em>so</em> home-y! now that i think about it, it really is surprising that there isnt much little! haruhi out there! mayhaps i should rememdy that,,,,, in a few months though, hehe. im planning on going on a hiatus soon lol. mommy kyoya daddy tamaki baby haruhi,,,, <em>the</em> dynamic ever!!!</p>

<p>anyways, to commenting on the fic i go!!! ignore the typos :gun emoji:</p><blockquote>

<p>For the first time in a long time, the idea fills her with nothing but dread. She doesn’t know if she could spend her after-school hours talking to girls.</p></blockquote>

<p>cant relate. me when women &lt;3 /j aaaaa i feel so bad for haruhi already :(((</p><blockquote>

<p>...something in her chest loosens at the sight of him. Not a good sign for her mindset, but all she has to do is get past this and sleep it off.</p></blockquote>

<p>ive recently become obsessed with the idea that theres just <em>someone</em> who's always able to solidify a little's headspace, that theyre the little's main source of comfort but also someone so <em>frustrating</em> to interact with when the little doesnt 'want' to be little (in reality, they want to sink into this person's arms, but doesnt want to be a bother )</p><blockquote>

<p>It's so easy, so cut-and-dry, and for some reason, she can’t bring herself to say even the first part. She just stands there, waiting for Tamaki to notice her when all she’d have to do is voice a single sentence.</p></blockquote>

<p>her whole play-by-play had me going and now the poor baby cant even bring herself to step one of the planned convo. i love how this established a set expectation for you to subvert, emphasising how small and different haruhi is feeling today. exhausted little angellllllllll ugh schnuggs you beast /pos</p><blockquote>

<p>Tamaki has a sixth sense for when people are staring at him, refined from his work as a host. The tension in her throat unfolds when he looks at her, but only slightly. It’s not the way Daddy looks at her. It’s the way Tamaki does.</p></blockquote>

<p>i love these little details. haruhi knows tamaki so well. knows his skills, knows his faces,,,, the dynamic of all time!!!</p><blockquote>

<p>....she can’t bring herself to stop. Maybe she wants to be noticed. Maybe, for once, she wants someone else to fix it.</p></blockquote>

<p>i can just picture her standing with wide eyes, watching her tamaki and hoping he can just <em>tell</em> what she's needs with magical daddy powers. her mind is literally forcing her to give in, to let someone else take the wheel for once</p><blockquote>

<p>“Oh my.” Tamaki’s eyes light up with understanding, then soften into that familiar comfort. It doesn’t help the fog in her head, not at all. “It seems I have a little Haruhi on my hands, don’t I?”</p></blockquote>

<p>this warmed my heart last night, and it warmed me up just now. you write caregivers <em>so well,</em> i cant help but be envious. he immediately goes into daddy-mode, i love it.</p><blockquote>

<p>She swallows thickly. It’s like there’s cement in her throat, clogging her windpipe, blocking her words away just out of reach.</p></blockquote>

<p>ive gone mute before, this is <em>exactly</em> how it feels. kudos for putting it into words, schnuggs you legend</p><blockquote>

<p>“That’s alright, sweetheart.” Finally, he opens his arms, beckoning her into a hug. “Come to Daddy now.”</p>

<p>She doesn’t need to be told twice, but she’s sure her body language betrays her excitement. She shuffles into his embrace, leaning heavily against his chest the second she’s close enough.</p></blockquote>

<p>BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY aaaaaa i love them<br /> tamaki’s dialogue is so on point - you know this is my reread, but ughhhhh you do dialogue so wellllll i love it</p>

<p>the comfort is so comforting ajdhajjsiakkdkksa it feels like a warm hug</p><blockquote>

<p>There’s one sound she can make, apparently, and that’s a crumbling cry of frustration and the sobbing that follows.</p></blockquote>

<p>AAAAAAA BABYYYYYY this is so sad i feel so bad for her :(((( poor little thing tamaki (or i guess <em>schnuggs</em> by association) you MONSTERRRRRR how dare you make her cry /pos<br /> someone give this baby angel a hug :((((</p><blockquote>

<p>“Oh, hey.” Tamaki shushes her, taking her face into his hands. “Daddy’s sorry. He didn’t mean to make you cry, sweetheart. You’re alright. Why don’t we sit down?”</p></blockquote>

<p>i love love LOVE your comfort, bro look at the baby comfort the baby she deserves all the love and the sweet doting words</p><blockquote>

<p>He guides her over to the couch, but every time he pulls too far away, Haruhi just clings tighter.</p></blockquote>

<p>im pretty sure you wrote this for me and me alone dude this is checking ALLLLL MY BOXESSSSS aaaaa clingy babyyyyyyy someone give her a teddy to holddddddddd</p><blockquote>

<p>Haruhi leans into every touch, her eyes getting heavier with each and every one.</p></blockquote>

<p>my heart,,,,, its being clenched,,,,, aaaaaa</p><blockquote>

<p>“Tamaki,” a warning voice chides. “I didn’t just hear you say you made our daughter cry now, did I?”</p></blockquote>

<p>KYOYA MY BELOVEDDDDDDDD he’s here!!! ugh, i love him. i adore him. best mommy</p><blockquote>

<p>Kyoya closes the door behind him. He slipped into the role seamlessly, knowing what was needed of him at a moment’s notice.</p></blockquote>

<p>the diction and sentence structures here emulate his personality SO WELL, dude!!! im obsessed</p><blockquote>

<p>He’ll tolerate her lack of words even less than Tamaki, and then they’ll both be upset with her. She’s supposed to be such a good kid, such a self-sufficient, easy kid. Why can’t she be that right now?</p></blockquote>

<p>and here we’ve hit another mark. poor kid, poor baby haruhi being sooooo used to being self-sufficient from her childhood that the guilt of vulnerability carries over even in headspace. you’re a beast, schnuggs. reluctant mwah-s for the tasty angst.</p><blockquote>

<p>He pets at her hair, trying to put his own frazzled nerves at ease.</p></blockquote>

<p>i know the word is pretty much a joke now, but he’s such an empath. he’s so worried about her</p><blockquote>

<p>Where Tamaki will curl around her, a protective barrier from the rest of the world, Kyoya will always meet her on her level.</p></blockquote>

<p>POETRY!!! CONTRASTS THAT PERFECTLY DESCRIBE THEIR CHARACTERS!!! take my money!!! mwahmwahmwahhhhhhh chefs kissssssss</p><blockquote>

<p>He kneels, just as he always does, so they’re face-to-face.<br /> “Well, hello, little one.”</p>

<p>Hi, Mommy.</p></blockquote>

<p>baby aaaaaaa schnuggs i wish i had more substantial comments but literally everything in my brain is just “!!!!” dude i love this so much</p>

<p>kyoya is such a lovable character, in his own way. i know he gets alot of flack, but he geniunely cares about the people he’s loyal to. he’s smart and observant, doing his best to work with what the world and his loved ones put in front of him. he just wants her to be okay :(((( kyoya my beloved &lt;333</p><blockquote>

<p>“Poor girl.” Tamaki rubs her back. “Where did all your words go? Did you use them all up?”</p></blockquote>

<p>i especially love this line because it is SUCH a tamaki thing to say, and its exactly what haruhi needed to hear</p>

<p>the conversations they have over her head are such parental ones. accusations and deliberations, protectiveness and clinginess…i love it. theyre both so worried about her</p><blockquote>

<p>“Luckily I have snacks prepared for such an occasion,” Kyoya says. He retrieves his bag, laying out a selection of protein bars and gummy snacks on the table. “We’ll get you something proper once club activities are finished.”</p></blockquote>

<p>mum's always so prepared, hehe</p>

<p>they know exactly how to distract her, how to pick for her, how to watch out for her,,,, so family &lt;333<br /> jealous parents, peacekeeping baby,,,, i love it all &lt;333 </p><blockquote>

<p>Kyoya shifts and sits up. He may have fallen asleep as well, if the drowsy way his hand musses through her hair is any indication. “We had a wonderful rest, didn’t we, dear?”</p></blockquote>

<p>im such a believer that cg-ing has value more than just being helpful to a little; this is one of those moments /pos</p><blockquote>

<p>There’s comfort in those memories, a feeling of home she never thought she’d get back.<br /> But she can try.</p></blockquote>

<p>aaaaaaaaaaa what a nice ending; you always nail it!!!per usual, the fic as a whole is one i can tell is gonna become a comfort of mine! you manage to make me feel so many things with your work! absolutely love it &lt;3 you make me wanna write a haruhi agere fic too asdfghjkl;lkjhgf so many ideas so little time &gt;.&lt; kudos as always mwah mwah mwah</p>

ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE!!! I admire your dedication to getting the comment posted, it's so sweet 😭😭 I hope people just think I'm crazy and talking to myself about my own stories, that would be hilarious I think

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part IV

Summary: The Halloween parade. Will and JJ are adorable. Anita suggests that Spencer become a classroom volunteer. Reader has a rough week.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff, a smidge of angst

Warnings/Includes: none

Word count: 4.4k

a/n: I wish we’d seen more of Will and JJ as parents because I imagine it would be adorable and hilarious. Let’s see if you can guess all of their costumes before the reveal lmao. Your only clue is that Spencer loves keeping with a theme and the brown vest (I literally learned how to make my own shitty gif bc I couldn’t find the right one in the search and I do not understand embedding lmao) makes an appearance.

Series Masterlist

———

“Did you grab the bags?” JJ swept the pleated, platinum braid out of her face as she bent over to zip up her boots.

“No, I thought you did,” Will called, bouncing down the stairs.

“I put them in the car already,” Spencer informed them, popping his head back in the front door. “There was just the one box, right?”

“Yeah, that was it,” Will confirmed. “Shit— where’s Michael’s sword?”

“Should be on the counter,” JJ huffed, standing up and adjusting the bodice of the blue dress.

“Got it.” Will came around the corner of the kitchen, patting his hips where his pockets would be— if he weren’t wearing an adult-sized onesie. “Keys?” Spencer held them up. “All right then, let’s get this show on the road.”

The trio headed to the waiting SUV, Spencer climbing into the backseat as Will and JJ got into the front. Will and JJ chattered on about dinner plans and schedules for the following week, and Spencer smoothed down the brown wool vest layered over his white linen shirt. He’d spent entirely too long putting together the costume over the last week (with a little help from Penelope). He’d scrapped the Spock getup he’d been working on since September— he could always wear that next year. But he’d only get one chance to attend the Room 105 Halloween parade, and once the idea had wormed its way into his brain, he had to make it happen.

“Spence?” JJ’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“Would you be able to pick Michael up on Monday?”

He ran his hands down his thighs over the mint green cropped trousers. “Sure, as long as we don’t have a case.”

Will smirked at him in the rear view mirror. “How’s Ms. Y/L/N?”

“You’re about to see her yourself, so you can ask,” Spencer replied.

Will laughed, and JJ turned in her seat. “Whoa, coming in hot with the snark. You really do like her.”

Spencer fought and failed to keep the blush from rising, irritation at being teased blooming sharp inside his chest. He tried to shrug as nonchalantly as possible. “She’s a great teacher.”

“That’s not a no,” JJ noted, eyebrows raised.

“She’s Michael’s teacher,” Spencer said, like it meant something.

“Yeah, so?” Will shrugged his shoulders. “You’re his godfather. Technically, you’re not related, so it wouldn’t be breakin’ any rules.”

“Well, it’s not like that, so it doesn’t really matter,” Spencer insisted.

Will hummed and JJ turned back around in her seat. Spencer drummed his fingers on his knees and watched DC roll past through the SUV window. It really wasn’t like that. Y/N was just… very nice. A nice, beautiful, sweet, silly kindergarten teacher that he couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how many books he read or coffees he drank or chess games he played.

Monday was the last day of his sabbatical, and he was even more relieved to be headed back than usual— grateful that he’d have something to occupy his mind other than her. Because his mind was, indeed, occupied. The way her smile beamed like the spotlight on a stage, illuminating whoever happened to be on the receiving end. The way her hands moved in unbound, buoyant illustrations of her thoughts. The way her laugh felt like the first warm sip of tea or the wrap of his favorite scarf. It was getting out of hand, to say the least.

Will pulled into the parking lot, and instantly Spencer’s palms began to sweat. He glanced at the headband on the seat beside him and felt the mortification clawing at his insides. The costume was ridiculous; he was ridiculous. He should have just worn the Spock outfit.

Maybe he could just wait in the car and pretend like he hadn’t been able to make it. Or he could just leave the headband in the car. But then he’d just be in mint green capris with a sweater vest and platform sandals, and she’d have absolutely no idea who he was supposed to be. Then he’d have to explain it, and it would be even worse.

Will parked the car, and he and JJ immediately stepped out. Spencer watched them near the hood of the SUV, enjoying a rare moment of co-parenting without work hovering right out of frame. Will pulled the hood of the onesie up and JJ laughed, brushing her hand over the brown fabric twigs sticking out of the top. He supposed that if Will Lamontagne, Jr. could strut his stuff in adult footie pajamas, his handmade costume was probably all right.

With one last resigned sigh, Spencer slid the headband on. He grabbed the box of Halloween treats, opened the door, and hauled himself out of the vehicle. He pushed the door closed and looked in the reflection of the window, adjusting the headband around his curls and blowing out a breath.

“Ready?” JJ called, peering around the side of the SUV.

“Yeah—yeah,” Spencer agreed. He moved around the vehicle to join them, the three of them walking to find a spot in the crowd of parents standing around the carpool loop.

When they found a suitable spot, Will looked up at him and shook his head. The sandals added three extra inches to Spencer’s height, putting him a good six inches taller than Will. “Those shoes make you look like an actual giant,” Will chuckled. “I know that’s the point, but I feel like even more of a shrimp next to ya now.”

Spencer set the box of candy bags on the ground and would have shoved his hands into his pockets if the linen trousers had any. Before he could respond, JJ pointed to the door of the school, cooing, “Oh my god, look. Remember when the boys were that small?”

The PreK classes came out first, and Spencer could acknowledge that they were very cute, barely out of the toddler stage and holding hands with a line buddy. But he was waiting on a very specific cutie.

He’d barely had the thought when the kindergarten classes started to emerge from the door. He almost didn’t recognize her at first— just an orange blob and green shrubbery. But the converse gave her away.

“How is she so cute?” JJ threaded her arm through Will’s. “Even when she’s dressed as a giant orange blob.”

“It’s a gift,” Will agreed. He glanced up at Spencer. “Right, doc?”

Spencer nodded but didn’t take his eyes off Y/N. “I think so, yeah.” Will grinned and bumped JJ’s shoulder, but Spencer barely even registered his own response.

Thankfully they’d picked a spot near the very end of the loop, so he had plenty of time to get himself together before she was in front of him. While Will and JJ waved at all the tiny superheroes and princesses, he watched Y/N. She was all orange fabric from her shoulders to her knees, with bright orange Chucks to match. On her head was a strange variation on a party hat, bright green ferns sprouting from the tip of the cone and falling into her face. She looked absolutely ridiculous and entirely adorable, and he was in so much trouble.

When the class finally approached the final curve of the loop, Will nudged Spencer and gestured to the box of goodie bags. Spencer crouched down and lifted the box, standing back up to see Y/N laughing at Will and JJ. “Very cute, Lamontagne Family.”

Her gaze traveled across, then up, and then her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. Spencer wondered if maybe the earth could just open up and swallow him whole.

“Oh my god, are you—?” She stepped forward and ran her hand lightly over the vest, and he didn’t dare breathe. “Are you the BFG?!” Her hand dropped from his torso, and he didn’t have time to be disappointed before her face split into quite possibly the biggest smile he’d seen from her yet.

A tiny Superman shouted, “Ms. Y/L/N, we’re making a gap!”

Y/N came back to herself, gesturing to all three of them. “Don’t go anywhere.” She accepted the offered box of treats from Spencer and then turned to help her class catch up.

Will gave him a look. “It’s not like that, huh?”

“Oh my god, she likes you.” JJ clapped her hands together. “This is amazing.”

“I’m takin’ credit for this,” Will bragged. “I’m a regular ol’ matchmaker.”

Spencer couldn’t even be bothered to attempt a denial. He was still thinking about the feel of her palm on his chest, how it might feel to hold her hand, the way her eyes practically sparkled when she saw his ridiculous headband. He was in so much trouble.

Fifteen minutes later, the classes filed back out into the parking lot for dismissal. Y/N led the class down the sidewalk, grinning at the excitement coursing through her line. As they approached the end of the loop, Y/N caught sight of them and waved. The kids lined up in their normal spot, chatting excitedly about their costumes and candy bags.

“Lord, Ms. Y/L/N, you’re something else,” Will laughed.

“Is it not the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen?” She laughed and tapped the green shrubbery hanging in her face. “I have the kids do a little persuasive writing thing every year. They draw a picture and write a sentence about what they think Ms. Y/L/N should be for Halloween, and then we take a vote.”

She waved her hands in that way Spencer loved, the way that was so similar to his own. “Usually the options are pretty tame, you know—ghost, witch, bumblebee. This year was a near tie between runner-up Jojo Siwa and well,” she gestured at herself, “carrot.” Y/N cackled, and the leaves on top of her head shook with the action.

They all laughed along with her, and then JJ added, “The details are truly incredible. Is this an actual plant on your head?”

“I really thought about it,” Y/N laughed, “but no, it’s just fake ferns stuffed into a cardstock funnel.” She gestured at Will and JJ. “But also, excuse me— this family costume is ridiculously cute. Mr. Lamontagne, loving this onesie. Mrs. Jareau, I didn’t even know it was possible to look prettier than you usually do, but here you are. And Michael’s Anna costume?” She held her hands up. “Incredible. Show stopping. I wish I had an aunt Penelope to enlist the help of, because that cape is the actual height of fashion.”

“She helped Spence, too,” JJ prompted, stealing a glance in his direction.

“Oh yeah?” Y/N asked, turning to smile at Spencer.

“We um, 3D printed the ears,” he clarified.

“No way!” She took a step closer to him, peering up at the detail on the headband. He leaned down a little for her to get a closer look. “That is so cool. I’ve never actually seen anything 3D printed up close before— did you design them yourself?”

She met his eyes briefly, and he realized how close they were— close enough that he caught the faintest whiff of sandalwood and cardamom. Of course she even smelled like warmth and home. “Well. I, um— I drew a sort of sketch, I guess. And then Penelope did the software coding. I— I’m not very good with technology, honestly.”

She ran her fingers lightly over the plastic, and he decided she was really trying to kill him. “Yeah, I’m not sure I really understand how it works.”

“Well, first you create a blueprint file of the design you want to print, which you can do through modeling software or three-dimensional scanning. Then you convert the file into an STL file— named for Stereolithography which was the first ever 3D printing process. The STL file is made up of triangular mesh polygons, which is the data that describes the surface of a three-dimensional object. After that, you use a software program to complete the process of slicing— essentially dividing or chopping the 3D model into hundreds or thousands of horizontal layers that the printer can print one at a time to create the 3D object. And then the printer prints each layer until you have your finished product.”

Y/N was quiet, and he pulled back to see her grinning at him. “I thought you said you weren’t very good with technology?”

“I’m not good with using technology,” he clarified.

She nodded. “Gotcha. So you just know everything about it.”

Her joking tone had a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I read a lot.”

“How much is a lot?”

“I can read at a rate of 20,000 words per minute, so… a lot.”

Her eyebrows shot up into the tangle of ferns on her head, and he was just so overwhelmed by how adorable she was. “Well, if I ever have a question about anything, I know who I’m coming to.”

He was sure he was blushing, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. “I’m happy to answer any and all of your questions.”

She let her gaze travel over the rest of the costume. “Oh my god, the sandals! Man, you really nailed it. I’m very impressed.”

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “I thought about being Trunchbull, but I couldn’t find the sweatshirt,” he joked.

She laughed, and he wanted to bottle it up to keep forever. “As much as I would have loved to see your hair in a bun… you’re much too sweet to have been able to pull that off.” She smiled softly at him. “Much more suited to our friend the BFG.”

He rubbed a hand down the back of his neck, and it was only then that he realized Will and JJ had gone to the car. He looked back to Y/N, opening his mouth but unsure of what he was going to say.

“Y/L/N!” He turned his head to see Anita jogging toward them. “Did you—” The giant cardboard box she was wearing knocked into one of the few kindergarteners left in Y/N’s line, nearly sending them to the ground. “Oh my gosh, sorry sweetheart!” She righted the startled child, and Spencer gave her a once over, completely at a loss as to what her costume could be.

“What in the world are you supposed to be?” Y/N asked, choking out a laugh.

Anita looked at her deadpan. “A monopoly piece. Remind me that I’m never participating in team costumes ever again.” She rolled her eyes and gestured at Y/N. “Next year I’m gonna wear an orange t-shirt, call myself a carrot, and be much more comfortable.”

“I’ll have you know this costume was a lot of work,” Y/N remarked, crossing her arms.

“I’m sure it was. You could have put on an orange dress, stuck a green pipe cleaner in your hair, and called it a day, but that’s not the Y/L/N way.” Anita’s eyes slid across to where Spencer stood. “Well, hello, doctor. I have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to be, but I love everything about it.”

“Spencer’s the BFG,” Y/N said, and Spencer could have sworn she sounded almost proud.

“Ah, Roald Dahl, of course.” Anita smirked. “I see you, Spencer. I see you.” She put her hands on her hips— or rather where her hips would have been if they weren’t covered by a ridiculously large box. “So, when are you going to volunteer?”

“Sorry?” he asked.

“Like, when are you going to volunteer in Y/L/N’s classroom?” She held up her hand, palm down, and made a circular motion between the two of them. “You know, hang out, but professionally.”

“Oh my god, did you need something?” Y/N’s squeaked, eyes wide.

Anita ignored her. “You just have to do a background check, but I’m sure you’ll pass it.”

“Lopez,” Y/N said, staring her down. “Do you need something?”

“Oh, I was just going to ask if you got the email about the PD after school on Tuesday. But this was much more fun.” She winked at Spencer. “Bye, Spencer.”

They both stared after her as she nearly skipped across the grass to the building. Y/N turned to him. “I’m— so sorry.”

He met her eyes and took the leap. “Volunteering could be fun.”

He watched her press her lips together to contain her smile. “It could be.”

He didn’t bother containing his own. “I’ll um— I’ll shoot you an email.”

“I’ll respond to your email.”

…

When he walked in the door, Spencer made a beeline for his desk. He opened his laptop and pulled up his email account, writing as fast as his one-finger typing would allow.

Spencer Reid Re: Volunteering

Hi!

I’m just following up about volunteering. Anita mentioned a form that I needed to fill out? Now that I’ll be back to work, I’ll just need to plan around the BAU schedule. Could you give me a list of days that would work for you?

Really looking forward to seeing you in action.

Spencer

He checked his two other email messages, and then left the browser up while he thumbed through his most recent reading material.

He sat at his desk for the remainder of the afternoon, distractedly perusing his book and glancing at his empty inbox every minute or so. His gaze flew up to the screen at the ding of a new message at 6:30, only to find a promotional email from one of his favorite indie bookstores.

He closed his laptop with a sigh. It was a Friday night. Y/N probably just didn’t check her email on the weekend. He could wait until Monday. He’d see her on Monday.

He limited himself to checking his laptop twice a day on Saturday and Sunday. When Monday rolled around, he checked it in the morning. He leaned back against the leather of his chair, staring at the empty inbox. He had some errands to run, and for the first time in his life, he wished he had a phone that had email on it.

He ran his last-day-of-sabbatical errands and stopped in at his favorite coffee shop for most likely the last midday, sit-down coffee he’d have for a while. Before he realized, it was 2:30. He brought his empty mug to the counter and waved to the barista. Then he walked to the car and prepped his conversation starters.

“Did you get my email? I sent you an email, just wondering if you saw it? Hey— Hello— Hi, I wasn’t sure if you got my email.” He blew out a breath. “Hi. How are you?” He waved his hand. “I’m great. Did you get my email?” He laughed into the empty car. “Ridiculous, Spencer. You’re ridiculous.”

When he pulled into the parking lot, his heart was racing and his palms were slipping against the steering wheel. He pulled around the loop, looking with a furrowed brow at the area where Y/N should be. In her place was a short woman with cropped grey hair. She held a clipboard and looked generally overwhelmed.

Michael sprinted to the car as soon as he saw it. He pulled open the door and let out a world weary sigh. Spencer turned in his seat. “Everything all right?”

“No, everything is terrible,” he huffed dramatically. “Ms. Y/L/N was sick today. Mrs. Franklin was our substitute, and she smells weird.”

Spencer looked through the window at Mrs. Franklin, struggling to keep a few rowdy boys in the line. “I’m sorry, buddy. I’m sure Ms. Y/L/N will be back soon.” He was secretly relieved that he had a potential explanation for the unanswered email.

“I can’t take another day of Mrs. Franklin,” Michael sighed, buckling his seatbelt. “I hope Ms. Y/L/N’s back tomorrow.”

Spencer let out a breath and pulled away from the curb. “Me, too.”

…

JJ huffed out a breath, glaring at the stack of paperwork in front of her. Spencer was nose deep in a book, but he glanced up at the sound. “I can take a few of those if you want,” he offered.

“No, it’s fine,” she sighed. “I’ve really only got six left.”

He looked at his watch. “Each report takes you approximately 37 minutes. With eight minute breaks in between, you’re not going to be out of here until almost 6:00.”

JJ laughed. “I can’t believe I missed out on these scathing performance reviews for thirty days.”

“Suit yourself.” Spencer dropped his gaze back to his reading.

His first week back from sabbatical had been uneventful to say the least. The team had just wrapped a local case, and they’d spent the better part of the week going over consultations and potentials. It was finally Friday, and Spencer was finished with his stack of backlogged reports.

He was finishing the last chapter of the book when JJ dropped a string of quiet curses. He continued reading, waiting for her to ask. She was quiet for another minute.

“I forgot I’m on duty to pick Michael up today.” Spencer looked up at her, slight panic coming over him.

“I really don’t mind finishing your reports,” he offered.

JJ raised her eyebrows. “What, no offering to visit Ms. Y/L/N?”

Spencer closed his book. “I, um. I sent her an email a week ago, and she hasn’t responded.”

“So?”

“So…” Spencer ran a hand through his hair. “That’s weird, right?”

JJ laughed. “You don’t really use email, so I’d imagine your inbox is pretty orderly. But if you use it a lot, it can be easy for messages to get lost.” She looked at him pointedly. “I can almost guarantee that she’s not ignoring you, Spence.”

He sighed. “I guess there’s a quick way to find out.”

...

Spencer drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, watching the door of the school. He glanced at the clock, noting the class was later than they’d ever been. Without really understanding why, he pulled out of the loop and swung back around to park in the lot. He exited the car, and as he rounded the hood, he spotted them.

Y/N was at the front of the line, hands stuffed in the pockets of her jacket and mouth pressed into a thin line. The line behind her was unlike he’d ever seen it. No waving arms, no smiles, no giggles. Twenty small bodies followed behind her with absolute and total solemnity, and he felt uncomfortable just watching them. It would have almost been funny if it wasn’t so dramatically out of character.

The line weaved around the more rambunctious classes, maintaining their grave expressions and quiet pace. They reached their spot on the sidewalk, and Y/N didn’t even have to say anything. Spencer watched as the line took their spots behind her. She held one hand up to acknowledge parents as they pulled up, murmuring stoic goodbyes to students as they headed to their vehicles.

He hung back at the hood of the car until the majority of the class was gone, slowly making his way across the parking lot. Y/N’s line of sight was pointed in his direction, but her eyes were unfocused in the afternoon sun. He could see the moment that she registered his presence, her eyes widening slightly and bottom lip releasing from the place she’d been absentmindedly chewing. She shifted her weight as he closed the final few feet between them.

“Hi.” She held a silent hand up in greeting. He clenched and unclenched his fingers. “Rough day?”

“It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, despite what everyone thinks,” she snapped. She blew out a breath and rolled her eyes up to the perfectly blue sky, mocking her mood. “I’m sorry. Yes, it was a rough day.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“You don’t deserve my wrath.” She gestured vaguely in the direction of the students. “They didn’t either, but— too late for that.”

He watched as she lowered her head back down, rubbing a hand over her face. He desperately wanted to slay whatever dragons had given her normally brilliant eyes such a grey cast. “You have strong relationships with them, and kids are resilient. I’m sure they know you—”

“Please— don’t.” Her voice was thick, and she looked at him with desperate eyes. “I— I appreciate the thought, but I’m— I’m a frustrated crier.” Her shining irises proved her point. “And I’m just— I’m really just trying to keep it together for the last four minutes of my contract time.” Her words were practically a whisper, and she swallowed thickly and glanced down the line, just Michael and one classmate left, eyes downcast.

“I understand.” Spencer shoved his hands in his pockets to keep them from reaching out and touching her. “I’m sorry. I— I hope your weekend is better than today.”

Michael slowly left the line, murmuring a quiet goodbye to Y/N. Spencer put a hand on his shoulder and steered him toward the car, stealing one last glance at a crushed Y/N.

...

Y/N Y/L/N

Re: Re: Volunteering

Hi,

I meant to respond to this email, and then a bunch of things happened, and then I was out all week.

I don’t know if you even still want to volunteer after this afternoon, but it felt rude to not respond at all.

I’ve attached the background check form to this email in case you’re still interested.

Y/N

1 Attachment: Background Check

—

Hi,

I meant what I said this afternoon. Your students love you, and they know you love them. If my conversation with Michael in the car was any indication, they’re feeling rightfully embarrassed and guilty about their behavior while you were out.

Regardless of what happened today, your relationships with your students are strong enough that they will come to school tomorrow knowing that you still care about them. Children don’t hold onto things nearly as much as adults.

It would be a privilege to volunteer in your classroom, even on the worst day.

Spencer

1 Attachment: Background Check - Spencer Reid

—

If I wasn’t already crying, I would be now.

Thanks for that.

No sarcasm intended. Really. Thank you.

—

This might be inappropriate, and if it is, please just pretend like this email doesn’t exist.

I have a favorite cafe in the DuPont circle area, Soho Tea & Coffee. They have an excellent tea drink made with honey and milk that I like to order whenever I’ve had a particularly difficult day.

If you’re up for it, it’s on me.

———

Tags: @spacedikut​ @uhuhuh​ @itsametaphorbriansblog​ @90spumkin​ @blameitonthenight21​ @magenta145​ @annesauriol​ @watermelongubler​ @ampal98​ @rainsong01​ @meowiemari​ @mrsmyaweasley​ @mggsprettygirl​​ @ceeellewrites​ @coffeeandendlesswords​ @daybabyx​ @joalsglasses​ @chevyimpala00067​ @misshale21​ @sapphic-prentiss @danifaithkae​ @saspencereid @heyitssomegirl101

Permanent tags: @andiebeaword​ @averyhotchner​ @pinkdiamond1016​ @shadyladyperfection​ @coffeeandendlesswords​ @justanothetfangirl​ @no-honey-no​ @ajeff855

[reyski]

Hello friend!! so i was wondering if you could do platonic hange hcs for being Hange’s little sibling? Maybe the sibling is in the 104th and then joins the scouts, (side note: hange would have some ridiculous nickname for you, i don’t make the rules) Thank Youuuu!!!!

hi there! love the request, sorry for not getting to it right away, ive been pretty busy lately (but more on that later). also, thanks for being my first attack on titan request!!

hange as an older sibling

pairing: platonic/sibling! hange x reader

media: attack on titan

content warnings: slight angst

notes: somehow my writing always ends up slightly angsty :/

➵ when hange spotted you standing with a group of recruits, chatting about your first day with the 104th cadet corps and all the anxieties that accompanied, they almost had to do a double take. with all the experiments hange was running with the scouts they barely had time to send a letter home, much less go visit you and your parents. 

➵ after giving you a good old fashioned scolding for not at least sending a letter, hange concluded that you must have had a good reason for deciding to risk your life. what if hange was a part of that decision? hange knew that in terms of a role model they were quite ... eclectic. perhaps hange’s decision had influenced your own. 

➵ when you decide to join the scouts hange is conflicted. on one hand this is the perfect opportunity for a new lab partner hange can coerce into all kinds of crazy experiments sorry moblit, but on the other hand hange is scared. 

➵ before, when you were just in the cadet corps, hange tried to put the idea of your potential death out of mind. but now, the bridge that had appeared so far on the horizon only 5 years ago now lay at hange’s feet. hange had learned that in order to not be crushed by the weight of a love one’s death, you have to be prepared -- which means coming to terms with it. 

➵ however, for the most part, your time in the scouts alongside hange is elating. hange most definitely goes around introducing you to everyone they know for the first couple of days. levi seems unimpressed and tells the both of you to get back to work, while erwin simply thanks you for joining humanity’s fight. 

➵ get ready for some titan experiments. while hange would never put you in direct danger, that doesnt mean they aren’t going to make you watch them put themself in danger while shouting at you to write everything down. experiments range from serious titan notetaking to attempting to create a meal so delicious that even a titan will want to eat it. 

➵ after sawney takes a nibble of a shortcake you made hange gets the idea for a new nickname, and now you cant go a day without hange calling you shortcake (doesn’t matter if your tall or short, hange loves the chaos). 

➵ hange captures a pair of titans and names them after you guys. 

➵ doesn’t matter if you’re already sleeping, hange always pops their head in before bed, not caring if other scouts are watching, and gives you a kiss on the forehead. 

➵ when your first expedition ends with both of you still alive hange can finally let out that breath they were holding the entire time. if you need it, of course hange is ready to hold you in thier arms all night until you can get the images of titans swallowing your fellow soldiers out of your mind. 

➵ if you’re in a relationship with another scout hange is totally oblivious to what they should do: walking in at the wrong moments, telling embarrassing stories, the works. 

➵ weird gifts. doesn’t even matter if its your birthday or not, you’re getting weird titan-related gifts that hange has tediously made by hand. remember those titans hange named after you? well now you have two stuffed doll versions!

➵ hange: 10/10 sibling experience 

yay, sorry for the long wait, but im so happy to have done my first aot write! 

if you would like to request please take a look at my guidelines which outline the genres i write for each character. also, you can find all other works in my masterlists -- both guidelines and masterlists can be found on my directory!

have a good day/night loves <3 make sure to eat some food and drink some water ily

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Becoming A Stark (5)- Peter Parker X Stark! FemReader

Word Count: 2717

Author’s Note: Last Chapter before Peter is introduced to the story! Let me know what you think or if you want to be tagged.

Warnings: Mention of injuries and hospitalizations, swearing

Chapter One || Previous Chapter || Masterlist

It took a few weeks to get used to living in the tower and you wouldn’t say you and Tony were close, but the other Avengers were helping make things normal for you. The one thing you weren’t getting used to was having FRIDAY now yelling out your blood sugars instead of JARVIS due to the whole Ultron thing. Pepper threatened to take you from Tony for that one, but that fight is a story for another time. It was the angriest you’ve seen Pepper ever get and hopefully, you don’t have to see that again any time soon.

“Y/N is 63 and dropping. Predicted urgent low in 20 minutes.” FRIDAY’s voice comes over the speaker as Natasha, Steve, Clint, and you are watching Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

“FRIDAY, I got it.” You push up from the couch to walk to the kitchen, but watch the walls shift ever so slightly as you try to walk. 

“You stay, I’ll get you something. What do you want? Juice? Cookies? Soda?” Steve stands from his seat at the end of the sofa.

“Juice.” You say. If you didn’t have hypo-unawareness, you would have felt this before you got so low, but you had bolused for all that good pasta Steve had made and must have made an opps when bolusing for it. Steve returns after a few moments with an apple juice box as well as a packet of graham crackers. You look at them puzzled, but take them with shaking hands.

“FRIDAY said urgent low in 20 minutes. That sounds like it needs more than just a juice box.” You don’t say anything but shrug your shoulders as you try to get the stupid straw into the juice box as your hands continue to shake. 

“I got it.” Clint says as he pulls the juice box out of your hands. With a quick stab, the straw is in the box and he hands it back to you. “Perfect aim over here.”

“Whatever you say.” You mumble before sipping on your juice. To be honest, apple juice just hits differently when you’re low. You turn your attention back to the movie as you sip on the juice, but you don’t want to eat. You’re full from the pasta you ate not even an hour ago. So as the movie keeps playing, your eyes stop focusing on it, everything gets a bit blurrier. You rest your head on Natasha’s shoulder, hoping everything will clear up as you drink your juice. 

“Y/N? I think you should eat these,” Steve’s voice sounds so far away.

“I don’t want to.” You mumble, turning more into Natasha’s shoulder, feeling sleep pull you in.

“Y/N?” Natasha, Steve, and Clint have stopped watching the movie at this point since you stopped responding. “FRIDAY what’s her sugars?”

“LOW Captain.”

“Call Tony.” Tony is at an SI meeting, but if he doesn’t hear about this, he will call any and all Iron Man Marks he has to fight them all. Reaching into the drawer in the table, Steve pulls out a blood sugar testing kit. Tony has stocked the house with them so that you are never more than a few feet away from them. Once you moved in, Tony also made sure that all the Avengers knew how to test your blood sugar manually. “Y/N I’m going to test you ok?” Steve asks, betting he won’t get a reply. Before he can, you start shaking and pulling away from Natasha. 

“Steve, I think she’s having a seizure.” Clint says as Natasha and him roll you to your side, laying you flat on the couch. Steve helps to steady you, before testing your sugars. 

“What is going on?” Tony’s voice comes over the speakers, knowing for any of them to interrupt him, it has to be important- meaning Avengers related or you related. 

“Y/N is low. Very low.”

“How low?” The meter in Steve’s hand beeps.

“16.”

“16?”

“She’s having another seizure.” Clint says.

“Are we sure it’s another? It might be the same one?” Natasha asks and regrets it.

“Another?” In the background they can hear thrusters and they know that Iron Man/ your dad will be here soon. “You need her glucagon. There should be one in the living room, her bedroom, her backpack, and the med bay. It’s a red square, or well rectangle.” Out of the corner of her eye Natasha sees Tony land on the balcony and walk towards the living room. “Do you have it?”

“This?” Steve holds up the box. Tony takes it from his hand.

“Turn her to her side.” Tony says as he pulls the needle and pushes all the liquid into the vial. He stirs it together before drawing all of the liquid back into the syringe. “I got you bambina.” He whispers as he plunges the needle into your thigh.

Time passes slowly. Tony keeps checking and the number goes up slowly. 25. 40. 55. They had moved you to the med bay and Dr. Cho had checked over you, gave you some IV fluids and oxygen, but said that apart from rest and monitoring your blood sugar, there’s not much she can do. She did administer a bit more glucose through your IV since you haven’t come above 70 yet. You’ve been in and out of consciousness so Tony doesn’t expect you to remember anything of what you’ve said previously, especially since most of it made little sense.

“Where ‘m I?” you mumble as Tony does another blood sugar check.

“Med bay.” 92. Finally a good number.

“What happened?”

“You scared the shit out of me. I get what’s a good number now.” You look at him with confused eyes.

“What happened?” you repeat.

“You dropped to 16. Had a seizure or two. Passed out. Been here for a few hours. You’re finally in range again kiddo.”

“16? New record low.” you say.

Tony ignores that comment. “Might have taken a few years off my heart.” Tony admits.

“Thought you were supposed to be gone all weekend,” you say, not commenting on what he said. You mess with the knitted blanket that is covering your legs, not looking at Tony as the words sit in the air.

“My kid was in danger, SI can handle themselves. Promised you I’d be here from now on remember?” Tony says with a shrug. You look up at him, hearing the words he said. You were starting to think of him as more than just Tony over the past weeks when he had to go deal with Iron Man stuff. But tonight he left stuff for you. Because your blood sugar tanked. That’s like something Nana and Pops used to do for you. It’s something family does for each other. 

“Is Pepper mad that you left?” You fidget with the IV in your arm. It’s not the first time you’ve had one and it probably won’t be the last time.

“How can I be mad at him when I left moments after him?” Pepper peeks into the room.

“But you’re the CEO?” Pepper walks from the door towards your bed.

“You’re more important. My assistant is taking care of everything that he can and everything he can’t will get postponed until later. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to focus until I saw you were ok.”

“Is it just because I’m the heir to SI?” You can’t help but voice the dark thought in your mind.

“Of course not.” Pepper says as she sits on the edge of your bed, taking your IV-less hand in hers. “I happen to care about you an awful lot. It doesn’t matter to me one bit that you’re supposed to take SI or not. I would be here.” Tony moves to sit on the opposite side from where Pepper sits.

“I know the circumstances of how everything happened wasn’t the best Y/N, but I love you a lot. And I would drop anything and everything for you.”

“Really?”

“I’m your dad. A dad does anything for his kid.” Tony wants to reach out and take your hand like Pepper did, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to, he doesn’t want to push too far too fast. But you reach for him instead.

“I’m not good at having a dad. At having parents.” You say honestly looking at both Tony and Pepper as you say this, hoping she doesn’t mind that you’re including her in this statement. “I had Nana and Pops sure. But that’s different.”

“I’m not the best at having a kid either, but I’m going to try my very best at it.” Tony admits. “How about we try this thing together?” He asks. “As a family?” He tacks on looking towards Pepper too.

“I’d like that.” You admit. “But only if Pepper stays to keep you reigned in. Because I can’t handle you on your own.” Tony laughs at that.

“Pepper’s here to stay if I have my way.” He says. “You and Pep. You're my family. Well and Platypus. And the Avengers. Only because they wrestled their way in.”

“I think I can settle for that right now.” You admit. “At least the you and Pepper part.”

“Still figuring out the lay of the land with the Avengers?” Tony asks.

“You jump from having almost no family to being told that you can have all of the superheroes in the world as your family and see how you do.” You roll your eyes.

Pepper squeezes your hand. “Take whatever family you feel is right. We’ll all be by your side when you need it the most.” All three of you sit there quietly for a few minutes before you realize something.

“No!” 

“What?” Tony’s eyes are searching the room for a threat he can’t find.

“I missed the end of the movie!” Your voice comes out closer to a whine then you mean for it to. Tony’s hand rises to his heart trying to calm it back down.

“You were all watching a DVD. You can rewatch it later. Please give me 24 hours before you scare me again please. My heart can only take so many scares in one day.”

“You’ve got some visitors if you’re feeling up to it?” A voice comes from the doorway. You look up and see Steve, Clint, and Natasha looking in towards you.

“Sorry I ruined movie night.”

“If you think we’re here to make you apologize, you’re dead wrong.” Clint says.

“I think Clint is here to see your eyes do work without rolling into the back of your head.” Natasha throws out as she sits in the chair across from your bed.

“I thought you would think that was cool?” You ask, seeing as Clint is usually the one looking for things that are creepy but over the top.

“Not when it comes to someone’s kid. I got kids of my own. I never want to see that from you again kid. You got it?” Clint crosses his arms as he stands behind Natasha. “That was the scariest moment of babysitting I’ve ever had, and I’ve lived through two kids going through their toddler phases.”

“As long as I get the award…” 

“Don’t even try.” Tony cuts you off. “I second Clint’s statement. Seeing your eyes go into the back of your head was not something I ever want to see again either so lets make that a thing on the ground rules of not allowed.”

“To be fair, I’m the one who’s food she gave insulin for-” Steve starts and you stop him before the words are even out.

“Don’t try to blame yourself. It’s very Captain America and all. But I can literally give the same bolus for the same food two days in a row and get two very different results. Diabetes just doesn’t give a shit. It does what it wants. So if you want to blame someone, blame my pancreas for being a shit team player and quitting back twelve years ago. The whole point of having Wallace is to try and catch this before it happens, but sometimes it still happens. It’s shit but that’s life.” You explain, and everyone’s eyes fall on you. 

“How are you so calm about all of this?” Clint asks.

“Because it’s not the first time I’ve ended up in a hospital bed due to diabetes. And it’s not the first time it’s tried to kill me. Being diabetic, you come to terms that you’re playing with fire and you’re going to get burned. But as long as you don’t die, then the day is a success. Sometimes there may be more losses than wins, but you keep going. It’s something you come to terms with when you have a disease that isn’t going away because there’s no cure. You’re forced to come to terms with it.”

“Can I ask how many times you’ve been hospitalized because of it?” Natasha asks, looking up at you with a deep expression.

“Counting this? Uh….” You count in your head. “Let’s see. There was my diagnosis. I was this close,” You hold your fingers inches apart, “from falling into a coma from my sugars being too high. Then I got the stomach flu when I was six. Nothing would stay down, but my ketones went sky high. Next I got an infected pump site. Normally I would just take some Advil and hope it goes away but this one got bad. Was in the hospital for three days, on antibiotic drips. Then I spent my seventh birthday in the ICU with the flu. That was a blast. Ketones out the wazzoo. I just had no immune system. Then I got strep five times and had to get my tonsils out, but they were worried about infections and ketones and such, so they kept me in the hospital for a week. Eight and nine I lucked out and was only in the hospital once, for a really wonky pump site that shot me into the 900s. Luckily I was only in the ER for that one. Ten through thirteen, I was in the hospital every like six months it felt like with bad blood sugars. Fell into a coma twice. And it took like three weeks to come out of it. So that was a total blast. Missed a lot of school. And this year I have lucked out and only been in the hospital once besides this. Stomach flu, tried to get me again. On day two of nothing staying down, Nana took me to the ER. So… Thirteen? Oh wait, fourteen counting today. Wait does today count? I guess it does since I got an IV.”

“The medbay is like Tony’s private hospital so it’s essentially a hospital so it counts.” Natasha says with a nod.

“Ok, so fourteen times because of diabetes related stuff. But I also had three other non-diabetes times too.” All eyes are on you. You should have just skipped it, because now you’ll just have to explain it. “I broke my arm in first grade because a kid bet me I couldn’t walk across the top of the monkey bars. I made it all the way across but then slipped and fell at the end. Still he had to give me his GI Joe, so who’s the real winner? The incident in fifth grade. And then took a bet that I wouldn’t walk across the Brooklyn Bridge barefoot. Stepped on a nail. Had to get stitches.” You shrug.

“Hmmm, funny she sounds just like someone else who is stupid enough to take dares or I don’t know invite war criminals to their front door.” Pepper says looking at Tony.

“To be fair, you can’t blame that on me, because I was never there to tell her that taking bets is never the right way to go unless you know you’re going to win them.” Tony says with a smile. 

“Technically, I won both bets. I got injured after both were over.” You brag.

“That’s my girl.” Pepper rolls her eyes.

“Why do I feel like I’m going to be chasing more trouble now?”

“I’ll keep an eye on her.” Natasha says from across the room with a smile.

Becoming A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway  @iamaunicorn4704  @furiouspockettoad  @daughter-of-stark  @eternalharry  @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.