#work sucks short story
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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I caught up to chainsaw man and can I say it is so funny that like last week on twitter people were bitching about how Fujimoto's chainsaw man style drawing of Captain America, with the shield for a head blinding its sight and the star stabbing into its own neck, definitely did not have meaning beyond looking cool and if you read into it as a critique of American culture you're just looking too far into it and making up stuff that isnt there!
and then days later he drops a chainsaw man chapter where the Statue of Liberty cracks and turns into a grotesque being called the gun goddess, fueled by the blood of American gun association members. which could mean nothing.
#people are so determined to argue that fujimoto's work is like. shallow? its kind of insulting#STOP interpreting that one short manga he did as 'if you read deeper meaning into my work ever it's wrong'#the song had a meaning in that story. it just wasn't one people were understanding. missing the forest for the trees#also for anyone living outside america I dont think 'wow america kind of sucks and has a gun problem' is that revolutionary of an idea#you can tell a lot of these people were defensive americans bc I saw someone go 'even if thats true america bad isnt even an original or#nuanced idea' ok. sounds pretty defensive to me. call me when it stops being true#chainsaw man#tatsuki fujimoto#tw body horror
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God, you're dense [Affectionate].
{a Kn8 short story}
Hoshina wasn't one to play games. Sure, he liked to have fun, but playing with people's emotions and perceptions wasn't something he could get into. He raised himself on the belief that being straight forward on something was the best course of action. If someone couldn't get on the same page as him, that was on them. He worked in a position where the best moves forward and anyone else that can't keep up with him were best left behind. Of course, much like most rules in life, there were exceptions to the rule. His biggest fault to everything he stood for was a tall, jolly, brute of a beast named Kafka. Kafka would be an exception to most everything he would die on a hill for. On the opposite end of the spectrum, however, was one person that he held to the highest accordance of his standards. His brother.
Hoshina made a point not to talk to his brother after he got accepted into the defense force. The restrictions on that got tighter after he got accepted as Mina's Vice Captain. Since before, he still showed up to family gatherings at the least to entertain his mother's concerns about his livelihood in the Third Division. Still, just because he didn't make attempts to contact his family, doesn't mean his family doesn't make attempts to contact him. It was always inevitable (because they don't tell him ahead of time) always with the supposed best of intentions (Because what quality road to hell isn't paved with them) and always at the most inconvenient times (an ability that seemed to be an inbred skill in every other family member). Between catching up on chores that should have been done yesterday, decaf in the communal coffee machine, and his third favorite pen breaking, Hoshina found he wasn't in the mood to talk. So obviously it was a perfect time to be visited by his least favorite person.
Walking down the hallway with a mountain of signed paperwork, his pace was intended to be brisk, but felt sluggish all the same. As he passed an intersection in hallways, he noticed the large frame of a burly friend catching up behind him. As Kafka slowed his pace to match his commander's, Hoshina tilted his face in his direction and flashed what was hoped to be a casual and respectful smile.
"Had a feeling you'd feel like that once I heard about the incident at the coffee machine. Here. Brought this for ya." Kafka said as he handed over a steaming mug of dark tan coffee.
"Oh, I already had coffee today." Hoshina tried to politely decline. he guessed his smile wasn't as bright as it should have been if Kafka could see he was feeling off.
"Yeah, but that was decaf." he insisted as he held the mug by its rim and pointed its handle temptingly toward its intended recipient.
Hoshina stiffed its steam heavily as it wafted under his nose. The smell of a caffeinated brew being much more rejuvenating than the bland swill he choked down this morning. He didn't think twice as he shifted the paper load more securely under his arm and took the offered mug greedily. There was a low, grateful moan as the hot, searing, and just lightly sweetened liquid burned pleasantly down the back of his throat.
'You might've just saved my mental state yet again, Kafka." Hoshina finally muttered after nearly downing half of the mug.
Kafka just chuckled as he walked in time with him, and after a while, held out a hand in an offer to carry the paperwork. Hoshina politely refused again, feeling genuinely better now that he had something more stimulating coursing throughout his system. Walking side by side, they engaged in pleasant idle chatter as they continued down the hallway. Without checking how far they had walked, they neared an area that had a lobby that was sparsely populated. As they got closer, an irritatingly familiar voice rang clear in the partially echoey room.
"Brother Dearest!" Soichiro Hoshina, Soshiro's older brother, was leaning against the desk in the back center of the lobby, relaxing like he deserved the space he was taking up.
"Oh God, why aren't I being delivered from evil like I ask every Shrine visit?" Soshiro muttered as soon as he realized who was occupying the open room with them.
"That's your brother?" Kafka asked as he laid eyes on the visitor.
"Unfortunately." Soshiro said with every letter somehow overflowing with distain and loudly enough to be heard by the other person.
"Come on, brother! You had to have known that one of these visits was to have to happen soon? It's been, what, months since you've even sent at minimum a hello to Mother." Soichino's words were playful, a clear difference in demeanor to the attitude his younger brother was radiating. A second had passed as he clearly gave the plus one an interested once-over after he lifted his sunglasses off his face.
"Well, hello soldier. And who might you be?" A salacious smile slithered coolly over Soichiro's glossy, thin lips. His tongue flicked out and over his teeth teasingly as he continued to stare down Kafka with a darkened sense of interest. Kafka bowed deeply in greeting before he introduced himself.
"Kafka Hibino. Officer of the Third Division." was his militantly clipped response.
"Kafka... Kafka... Where have I heard that name before?" Soichiro drawled out as he shifted over to Kafka's side, poking his shoulder with the arm of his sunglasses with playful emphases.
"He's our Kaiju Number Eight, you salacious cur. Now what are you doing here?" Soshiro snarked as he took another sip of his coffee. His brother made no move to acknowledge the comment as he continued to speak directly to Kafka.
"Kaiju Number Eight, huh! So you're the beast on the battlefield. Is it too much for me to ask if you're a beast anywhere else?" That Cheshire smile never left his face as his eyes turned into a more evaluating gaze.
"Well, I'm the Division's only on call Kaiju. It's pretty safe to say that I'm always the beast when it's needed." Kafka smiled bashfully as a hand came up to scratch the back of his neck. Soichiro practically giggled as a hand came up to mischievously smack the other shoulder.
"Look at you! Making out to be something that strong and powerful as a humble brag!" the older brother seemed to slide in closer to Kafka's personal space, with Kafka playing it off as business as usual. Soshiro could feel the handle of the mug creaking under his tightened grip as he looked on at his brother's shameless display.
"Ya know, I had originally cleared out my schedule to take my brother out on a lunch date, but I've just realized he's been a horrible brother and hasn't shown me around the Third Division's main facilities not once!", Soichiro saddled up impossibly closer and even had the audacity to slip a hand around the back of Kafka's forearm, "Why don't I be a good Captain and help clear yours so you can show me around? I'm sure any tour by you would be far more interesting than what he could provide." Soshiro watched as he saw the offer being sealed with an obviously flirty wink.
"Well, I'd be happy to! That is, if it's alright with my Vice Captain?" Kafka asked as he looked innocently toward the younger brother, seemingly unaware or unaffected by the attention he was currently being given.
"No Kafka, that won't be necessary, If my brother is going to come out all this way to see me, then he's just going to have to settle for my company alone." Soshiro said as he placed his paperwork and his coffee mug on the abandoned reception desk.
"Yeah, that makes sense. Maybe some other time?" Kafka asked as he looked at the older Hoshina brother.
"Such a shame. Don't be surprised if I take you up on that offer." Soichiro tittered as he patted the other side of the forearm he was still holding onto. The two brothers watched intently as Kafka turned around and walked down the hallway. Soshiro waited until he was out of every possible hearing range before he decided to speak.
"Alright, you bottle-platinum harlot. What the hell was that display all about?" Soshiro made no attempts to restrain his irritation at his brother's expense. He had no idea what game his brother was trying to play with him, but he wouldn't stand for it since it seemed to involve a very close and personal friend of his.
"I don't know what you mean." Soichiro said as he kept tittering. His posture and demeanor revealing to his younger brother that there was a plan brewing behind those evil eyes.
"I will not have you seducing my strongest man over to your division while I'm here." Soshiro commanded as he leveled a piercing gaze at the other person.
"Excuse me, 'Your man'? I'm sorry, but I didn't see a ring on his finger." Soichiro teased as he turned to face his brother.
"That's not what I meant and you know it, you vile rake." Soshiro spat the words out in an attempt to dissuade any further conversation on the topic.
"So catty today, are we brother? I was simply taking in the local selection. I'm not surprised you're interested in him." Soichiro chatted as he teasingly bit on the arm of his sunglasses.
"I also see you've decided to take up slander as a hobby since last we met." Soshiro grumbled as he found himself forced into a position where he had to talk to his brother in person for more than a minute.
"Oh, please! You know our family has a history of liking them sweet and dumb. How do you think Mother's marriage has lasted this long?" Soichiro continued as he leveled a knowing stare at him.
"If you're going to keep insinuating things that don't exist, I'm going to order you to cancel the lunch date and leave." the younger brother retorted as he turned around to drink the last sips from the coffee mug.
"What do you think I'm insinuating?" Soichiro purred as his sight never left his brother.
"Don't toy with me today, you troglodytic trollup. I am in no mood to bat around this string of yarn you're trying to spin here." Soshina kept snapping back as he took the opportunity to avoid eye contact as he shuffled around the stack of papers.
"Why all the denial, Brother Dearest? Especially since we're so far from Egypt. Besides, it's not slander saying you like a coworker as if your interactions weren't displayed all over the news two weeks ago." The grin broke into a full blown, toothy smile of superiority as the Captain of the Sixth Division draped himself over the desk's top next to Soshiro.
"What... interactions?" the Vice Captain hissed as he slowly turned his head to side-eye his brother
"Should I reenact it for you?" Soichiro giggled before flopping onto his back and dramatically fainting, "Oh! I seem to have taken a terrible fall and broken both of my legs! Oh, is there some dark, handsome, Knight in living armour that can princess-carry my oh so fragile body to the farthest fucking ambulance on scene and completely bypass three others that were unoccupied and were going to take me to the same fucking hospital!" It was clear that he was taking a massive amount of joy retelling his version of events that he saw on the news as his voice raised in volume with every reveal.
"I didn't break my legs, I dislocated my ankles! What would you have me do, walk?" Soshiro started to match his brother's volume and had now fully turned to him to confront this problem of point-of-views head on.
"The cameras clearly show you two having a conversation where it shows you convincing him to carry you!" The two of them were so close to each other's faces now their noses could touch.
"I was trying to convince him not to!" Soshiro returned.
"Because the cameras were rolling?" Soichiro asked.
"Yes!" his brother answered.
"AND BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE IN LOVE! Why else be camera shy about being carried around in public?" The eldest returned triumphantly as he poked him in the chest.
"NO." Soshiro shouted back as he shoved his brother backwards, "We are not in love! What part of this do you think it's okay to date someone like him?"
"Oh don't act like you can't because he's under your position. He makes his own precedent as he breathes! And you are the right type of rebellious, attention craving, delinquent punk that would absolutely fall for someone that is perfect for you in all the right ways, while also him being a human anomaly in every sense of the word! He turns into something our family has been training it's young to kill for centuries so of course you're going to deviate from the norm and be practically head over heels for him!" The Captain couldn't stop himself from cackling as his lungs quaked from talking for so long without breath.
There wasn't anything left on the matter that Soshiro could say to make his brother change his mind, so he decided to let his fists do the talking for him as he sent a vicious right hook. His fist connected to his brother's left eye and caught him off guard for a second. Before he could speak out against the assault, the younger brother wasted no time in jumping onto his brother and throwing his fists left and right. The two soon became a mass of tangled limbs and colorful curse words on the floor. It wasn't like this for long as two other people came across the fight and helped break up the fray.
"Alright, alright! Break it UP!" You two are grown up men, and Defense Force officers at that! ACT LIKE IT!" Okonogi reprimanded them as Aoi held them off the ground by their jacket collars.
"Yes, Okonogi." The brothers said in unison. As they were set back on the ground, they straightened their outfits and waited to see if their new company would leave. When they didn't, Soichiro decided to speak what was left on his mind anyway.
"The lunch date is still on, by the way. Mother's orders. How about I give us an hour to cool down and we try this whole 'conversation' thing again?" he tried to say with as much possible conviction in his smile. Soshiro just glared violently as he picked up the stack of papers from the desk.
"I do what I damn well please, you leporid bunk bunny." he said as he stormed off. Everyone watched as he walked away before his older brother spoke up again.
"He'll be fine."
𓈒 𑁍 𓈒
It was a little after seven thirty before Hoshina felt fine enough to interact with anyone. Spending some time in the gym helped him feel better after dealing with the Lunch Date From Hell. It also helped that he got to meet his favorite punching bag for sparring.
"Look -huff- I get you -huff- don't like your brother -huff-, but did you really -huff- need to literally -huff- kick my ass?" Kafka's lungs heaved after spending what felt like hours defending himself from his Vice Captain's volley of blows.
"Ya snooze, ya loose Kafka. Intense training is for your own good." Hoshina quipped back as he walked over to his duffle for water bottles. Kafka shambled behind him slowly and sat down on the bench the bag was next to.
"Intense training, my entire bruised ass. That last chokehold felt personal." Kafka began to regulate his breathing by the time Hoshina made it over with the water bottles.
As Hoshina drank from his, he subtly tried to look at Kafka as he poured some of the bottle's contents onto himself. He watched as the water made his partner's bangs stick to his forehead at odd angles and made a swift attempt to cool his fiery red cheeks. Hoshina didn't let his imagination run too far away from him as he thought about Kafka looking worn out and sweaty for a different reason. Of course he denied everything that was said earlier that was concerning the situation between him and Kafka. Mainly because it all implied that Kafka felt the same way he did. Had it been a complete stranger talking to him this morning, it would have shocked everyone that knew him once they heard how different his answers would have been.
As Kafka finished rubbing the cool water into his face and straightened his back and arms out into an intense looking stretch, Hoshina forced himself to look away from the rippling of muscle and the straining of his tank top around said muscles. In moments like this, when he was sure no one would be looking or they were alone, Hoshina liked to play a little game with Kafka. It wasn't one that you could win with points or anything. Hell, some days it made Hoshina feel like all he did was lose by playing, but he couldn't deny that conniving little twitch that begged for him to play over and over again. All so he could see that dumb little smile.
"Still improving as slow as always." Hoshina said after a minute of relaxing on the bench.
"Hey, at least I am still improving, right?" Kafka returned as he looked back at his Vice Captain.
There was a smile, sure, but it wan't big. He could do better.
"Can't say I don't find you to be consistent at least 1% of the time." Hoshina offered as a response, deciding to bring up a well used joke between them. He turned back to look out at the empty gym in front of them.
"God, I still haven't gotten higher than that, haven't I?" Kafka chuckled out of the side of his mouth.
"It was a good thing we found out you were a kaiju when we did. Could you imagine what would have happened if you couldn't raise that percentage up high enough in three months?" Hoshina thought the comment sounded funnier in his head, but once he heard it out loud he wanted to smack himself for it. Everyone knew that it was a horrible thought, thinking about Kafka not being around anymore. Even that was something Hoshina couldn't bring himself to deny or joke about.
"I do every day." Kafka sighed heavily, "Everyday I wake up here." He closed his eyes for a second as he smiled softly, his head coming to rest against the back wall the bench was against.
Hoshina turned back to look at him, taking Kafka's moment of vulnerability to look at him fully this time. He thought about it too. A life in the Defense Force where he didn't get to see Kafka everyday. A life where he didn't bring him coffee or hear his laugh or have drinks with him after work hours. Hoshina could feel his heart squeeze at the thought of Kafka not being in the Defense Force, or worse, suddenly living at a different Division. Being close by technicality, but feeling oh so very far.
"Did you notice my brother was flirting with you at all?" Hoshina felt himself ask before he could take the words back. He felt himself brace for the answer in the brief moments in between his heartbeats.
"Wait... really?" Kafka asked with genuine interest. Hoshina could feel his face twist into something between curiosity and mild disgust. Kafka couldn't tell he was being flirted with? And was okay with it coming from his brother?
"Ye-yeah?" Hoshina returned hesitantly.
"You sure? 'Cuz I mean... wow. He's... actually interested? In me?" Kafka's smile grew bigger and more wonky as he processed what he was told.
"You're okay with this?" Hoshina questioned incredulously. He could not believe what he was seeing, and was actively praying that this wasn't the case.
"Are you kidding? Of course! You're brother is frickin' hot!" Kafka replied with joy, "Is he, like, still around? I mean, I know he's not here kinda around, but I mean, is he like, nearby? Like in a hotel or something? Nah, that would be creepy. Oh! Could you let me have his number?" Kafka prattled on as Hoshina continued to become more and more disgusted. Sure, he was a little happy to hear that Kafka was cool with being hit on by guys, (and clearly reciprocated the sentiment) but felt absolutely horrified at hearing Kafka wanting his brother's number. So much so that he immediately stood on the bench seat so he could get a good enough vantage to stomp on Kafka to stop his train of thought.
"You! Will! NOT! Be! Dating! My! BROTHER!" Hoshina shouted out between the stomping.
"Jesus! And here I thought you wouldn't be having a problem with me liking guys! Yah know, since you told me about it!" Kafka shouted back as he tried to defend himself from the onslaught.
"I don't have a problem with you dating guys! I have a problem with you dating my brother!" Hoshina said as he pressed his foot down firmly onto Kafka's hands that were protecting his head.
'Well then, who would you rather have me date?" Kafka returned rhetorically.
"Me for starters!" Hoshina finally admitted. Once he did, he let the pressure off of his foot and just stayed in the position for a hot minute, feeling as awkward as a school girl admitting to her first crush. Kafka just held onto the foot as he looked up at his commander with wide, unbelieving eyes. All Hoshina could bring himself to do was look away, his cheeks flushing hot and bright. Kafka helped lower the foot down as he got up from his seat to face him from the front.
"Have... have you been flirting with me too?" Kafka asked. Hoshina still couldn't look at him or answer, so his cheeks answered for him.
"How long have you been flirting with me?" Kafka asked again.
"Two... two years." Hoshina answered quietly.
"We've known each other for two years." Kafka responded. Hoshina still hadn't made a move, only crossed his arms defensively.
"YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME SINCE WE MET?" Kafka shouted as he made the realization.
"To be fair, I don't flirt like a normal person and you clearly can't read context clues." Hoshina said as he finally regained some control over his mouth. He just wished he had better control over what it said.
"Why didn't you say anything before now?" Kafka sounded incredulous at the thought of how he could have been dating the most amazing person on base before now, had be been able to read between the lines.
" I kept thinking it was funny?" Hoshina responded in a shy, quivering voice as more blood rushed to his face and made it redder.
"Okay, now I have to ask. What about me do you like? Do you think I'm handsome, or do you really just like to think I'm funny?" Kafka questioned as he waved his hands around animatedly.
"Honestly? I just really like that you're funny." Hoshina said as he relaxed and playfully shrugged. Now feeling better about having all of this out in the open.
" So, just, fuck my face then." Kafka said in a sarcastically irritated manner while turning around and waving his arms.
"I would if you'd stop talking." Hoshina accidentally let slip.
He wasn't ashamed of saying it, but probably should have found a better time to say it. It didn't seem to matter anyway as Kafka took a second to stop his flailing and slowly turned around to face his commander again. A sly smile tugged at the corner of his lips as his eyes darkened at the play on words they stumbled into.
"Well alright then." Kafka chuckled darkly as he strode over to where Hoshina was still standing. He grabbed his legs and threw him over his shoulder, holding onto Hoshina's calves for dear life as he carried his thrashing lover out of the gym.
"Wha-what do you think you're doing?" Hoshina cried as he tried to look back at his kidnapper. Kafka returned the most intensely flirtatious side-eye back at him as they walked out of the gym.
"Moving training to your place, so you can properly shut me up."
"Wha-what, no dinner first?" Hoshina stuttered nervously as he continued to be paraded down the hall on Kafka's shoulder. He got even more nervous as Okonogi slid past his line of sight and watched them walk away.
"You've been flirting with me for two years. Dinner can wait." Kafka growled as the other hand came up and audibly smacked Hoshina on the ass.
#I consider myself impressed that I managed to come up with four different words to substitute wh*re..#I like to think that both Soichiro and their mother are fluent in “Fighting as a Love Language terminology”#i.e. Fighting back to back against each other means you two are fated soul mates#and carrying someone off the battlefield means you're married#so when the two of them saw the news footage of Hoshina being carried to the ambulance they FREAKED.#Their mother immediately commissioned Soichiro to visit his brother and instigate the two of them getting together.#Soichiro did it without hesitation and was the one to put decaf in the coffee machine as a ploy.#I was going to write an after credit scene Of Soichiro talking to their mother where that was revealed#but I thought this was going to get done in a day like my last one and it didn't#so now I feel like I've worked on this longer than I should have.#their argument feels so British coded when I read it in my head for some reason.#it doesn't help that Hoshina starts off by calling his brother a “Salacious Cur”#It f*cking sucked writing the argument too because I can't not call Soshiro by his last name (It feel wrong to me for some reason)#But he's talking to his brother that has his last name so now I HAVE to use their first name#and what the f*ck is the name SOICHIRO anyway?!?!!?#I still had way too much fun finding subtle ways of making him come across as flirty.#Long post#short story#fanfiction#kaiju 8#kaiju no. 8#kaiju number 8#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#Kafhoshi#hoshikaf#kaijuu number 8#kaiju no.8#kaiju no 8#kaijuu 8 gou
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horror's about to get his shit rocked i guess but its ok he got to say a cool line. anyways i had this silly little idea :3 horror deserves to be the one inflicting pain onto killer sometimes anyways it can't ALWAYS be killer being sadistic 😒😒😒
#killer got a bit too silly and horror had to put him in line#and by a bit too silly i mean do the wrong thing at the wrong time (when horrors in a bad mood)#i had this idea all throughout school broooo BROOOOO they hate eachother so much why do they stick around#if it were dust doing it he'd do it in silence or maybe rambling a lot of stuff really quietly to himself#but nooo horror likes to rub it in killer's face and oh shiiiit stage 3 RUUUUN#its ok its ok horror dont worry ill protect you with my totally awesome creator powers!#and then they made up and kissed dont worry this was all consensual#dust's bitches get a bit freaky sometimes dont worry it was ALL planned totally not spontaneous#i think this is one of (if not the only) times ive ever DRAWN out my short little ideas#usually i just like. imagine it and then type it out and have to figure out how to make it a hc or rant or wtvr#but i really didn't think i could capture this idea in anything but art. see this is why i dont particularly like my artstyle#this looks SO silly and goofyUGH!!!! if only my art didn't look like an 11 yro drew it#this is totally horrorkiller btw this is ship art :3#thinking about that five finger filet draft i have again about hrkl FUCK i need to actually edit that one#horror's new design looks so cool here UGH THE CLOAK!!! ITS SO SIMPLE BUT ADDS SO MUCH!!!!#mtt are one big echo chamber of negative reinforcement and improvement#they all learn to not piss eachother off but not because they respect eachother#but just because none of them wanna deal with the fighting or the insults#hey i mean...... if it works it works i guess! don't fix what's broken!#besides it's better like this anyways. what's that? actually be vulnerable and learn to accept eachother? you sound mad#they can get their therapy and positive influences ELSEWHERE!!!! TOGETHER THEY SUCK ‼️‼️‼️‼️#alright time to make some progress on swapinverse :3 i've actually been doing a lot lately!!!!#if i dont finish crash's extra facts section today let's just say that you wont be hearing from me. forever. becaus ill be killing myse#tricule art#maybe i should start the comic now...... :3333 mayhaps#NEED TO FINISH CHARACTER LORE AND THEN ACTUAL STORY AND THEN CAN MAKE COMIC
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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?
#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control#I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point#And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault#I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone#But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately#I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate#Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave#Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks#Vent#Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out#It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just#Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state#It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet#Slams my head into the wall#I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it#Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3
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[Ch. 1, Page 16]
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There’s probably not enough therapy in the world to unpack this suitcase. Let’s crack it open anyway!
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#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic au#sonic fancomic#story mode#in which mod packs a page full of vague exposition#they both suck at words but boys you gotta try here#short dark and grumpy might have some anger issues to work through here#but what else is new?#anyway. perspective is HARD but i am TRYING
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:(
#it's 8 o'clock#and i'm tired#and i'm sad#i want to do something else#but i need to get this done#but i'm not Doing it#it's not working#(angel neil is being really mean to me)#and i really shouldn't have taken so many asks last week#i knew i was burnt out but i was still like 'i can manage it! i can do it' but alas#it's killing me for some reason (the burn out)#and the depression has been on High this week#so that didn't help#but this is all i do you know? like#i think of wipw as my fucking job because i don't actually have one (is useless irl)#so when i 'fail' at writing it makes me really upset#like i love writing and i love my fics but i just spent the last few days hating them and not even wanting to look at them#like that makes me sad too! why do i get like this? what is actually wrong with me?#(a lot i'm sure. with these highs and lows i'm starting to suspect Things)#anyway long story short: writing is hard and i'm tired and i wish my house didn't suck and i wish i had money and i wish i wasn't a#diaerie#dep#lol if you read all this you deserve a cookie. i don't have any but i do have some cinnamon rolls
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i want a fucking drink but i left my case of coolers in my friends car when we last hang out >:(
#it’s just been a Night lol#long story short men are fucking dicks!#tearing my hair out#working in customer service SUCKS :(#i don’t mind being friendly and making conversation w customers#especially if it leads to good tips#but read the fucking room when you take it too far.#lindsaycore#gonna see if i can maybe hang with my friend tomorrow. definitely getting my coolers then
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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okay so this is wildly like, impulse
but I really really really wanna do something with october and I am still posses by the spirit of crafting and not the spirit of art
so instead of trying to draw every day for a kind of inktober, I'm going to work on my wips every day for at least 20 minutes with pics of progress
rules
-have to work for 20 minutes a day and upload pictures with my progress and how much time I spent
-that's it thats all the rules. im not doing anything about finishing a project a day, or even finishing any of them, and if the time ends up being completely me weaving in ends or something that's fine, the goal is make progress not bust out 31 sweaters
literally it's just finish it february, but in October because I usually draw so this seems like the right month to do challenges like that
and I'm making a hashtag so I have some organization, and so people can block it if they don't want to see like, 10 pics of 'the same sweater but it's totally different because there's been an inch added' lol
#craftober2024#<- my cool organizational hashtag#now that we're in the tags it's time for my actual chatting#so I've been on a new antidepressant for a few months now#and on adderal too#and I just feel so much better??#like#when I said that I had depression#I thought it was weird how everyone believed me#because like#anxiety I didn't get believed for years#ditto on adhd and autism#but I said I think I have depression and everyone was like oh yeah you should get help have you talked about it with#your friend that has depression#and I had been having a really bad streak of pain#which had me basically just lying in bed#or only getting up for work#and after I passed the pain streak I felt back to normal#and I was like oh I don't have depression I just was in pain#and felt really bad that it was in my medical history#and also the meds I was given sucked for me and had bad side effects#so i felt even worse because I was feeling like the issue with the meds was that I wasn't actually depressed so they couldn't do anything#but I don't have hope for the future of plans or goals so like I can't really argue I don't have depression since I score terribly#on the mental health checklist you do at the doctors#well long story short#I was put on an antidepressant that's good for anxiety#because my new doc agreed we could work on that and not really the depression#and it turns out I do have depression lmao#because with this new med I wake up and I feel awake?#so like for years anytime I am asked how I'm doing I say I'm tired
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Probably going to regret it but I’m letting myself do groceries tomorrow. I need to fucking decompress
#my burnout right now is lethal.#I’m going to my family’s tomorrow afternoon so if I can just do a day where I don’t have to be prepared for the world and a day where I’m re#ready to go face the world then I think I’ll be better#idk . lol.#one of our tenured salespeople got fired yesterday. a few of us are speculating but long story short. working in sales sucks ass.#so that plus normal depression plus general work burnout. ugh
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Wanted to draw but didn't wanna mess with anything that had pen pressure in it just yet, so here's some ms paint doodles done while I watched a manchild play lethal company
#i know the portrait is off but it was just a doodle#going in and fixing it would require more hand movement than i need to be doing right now so loose sketch it shall be#his hair was weird and it made the whole thing visually lean to the right which sucked but oh well lmao#i made ralsei's eyes all Θ_Θ but his glasses covered it up :')#i must do another to remedy this#see i actually drew a really good picture of the girl in the top right#and right as soon as i got close to being done#my computer completely froze up and nothing worked and the speaker got stuck so it sounded really scary and i panic-hard shut down my lapto#aaaaaaaand lost all of my work#they say art is temporary but damn haha#i ran a virus scan and everything is a-okay so the next reasonable step is to exorcize my laptop#/j#i have a funny as hell story to tell here about my relationship to computers#maybe I'll make that a comic one day lol#short version is i hate them because I'm scared of them and it's a monkey's fault#alright tag babble over night night y'all#doodles#ralsei#ducks#original character#odette
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finished private rites. haven't reached the final page of a book and said "wait thats it????" aloud in a while
#gene.txt#man it had such a compelling premise and the first 100 or so pages were rly promising and then it just. fell apart#i was right abt it being like our wives where the last 50 (in this case like 10) pages change how i feel abt the entire book#but it was in such a distinctly disappointing way. like of all the places u could have taken it u go with That??#and worse than the story going off the rails was the prose starting to rly grate on me#i think our wives worked bc it was short and sharp and armfield's tendency toward pontificating gave the briefness depth#meanwhile private rites is 300 pages and it began to feel bogged down (lol) in the prose#which sucks bc im all about the prose!! im a prose > plot guy!!! but u still need to have a clear point to pull off a vibes-heavy book#and while i could see what she was trying to say it just got swept away (lol x2) by the profundity hammered into every sentence#also the multiple povs didnt help. it actually would have hit harder solely from isla or irene's pov imo#tl;dr julia armfield water lesbians 2: electric boogaloo could have made a good novella. regrettably it is Not that#ANYWAY onto carys davis's clear!! im v excited for this one
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also fun fact. you can effectively punch holes in plastic glow in the dark stars using a push pin and a rock and just pressing it really hard into your carpet or something so it doesn’t damage anything once it penetrates the plastic. in case you ever needed to know that
#i hope all my actors come to the premiere because i do not think i will be finishing this shit by sunday when we stop filming#going to need to tell them i have surprise presents for them all and use that to make them come see my mid short film#i have to stop putting down my own film. it’s not going to be mid. it’s going to be good. perhaps not as good as some others in the class#but it will not be as bad as the annoying ‘men’s mental health story’ bs one group is doing#frankly i don’t give a shit about men’s mental health but whatever#actually it might not be bad as a film idk their skill levels. but i won’t care about it due to there being no women in there#actually another group is making a film with no women (except the firdged mom) but i think theirs will be good#they have a cast of two people it’s not insane that there’s no women so i’ll allow it#and also of course that guys script was very good and he was actually my first choice when we voted on who’s scripts to make#no i was not my first choice…. i was trying to be humble….#also i wouldn’t have had to be director on his film. i could have been the bitchy production manager…..#i also would have had to go on multiple hikes due to the locations they needed. so perhaps it’s a good thing my script got voted in too#and i know i complain but i do actually like my group they’re great people to work with#even if the Annoying one and i clash sometimes. i like to think of our dynamic as Divorced Coparents#which sounds more sexy than it is. it’s not sexy at all. there’s no sex going on metaphorical or otherwise#i just mean. we clash sometimes but we also have good rapport. it’s like a tense middle school friendship#and the other guy. he’s great. cringe at times but we love him#i wish i’d known him before this semester so we could have had more time to become friends this timing kinda sucks#anyway. i don’t remember how this post started.#ok bye
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in every universe adachi and the attendant ARE friends it's just that the one we're in is the outlier.
#kommento#// it SUCKS here . come on#// somewhere out there is a musical stageplay and they have a duet and it reprises in a minor key during the magatsuinaba arc#// somewhere out there their actors start queerbaiting on instagram stories and yt shorts to promote the stageplay and it WORKS#// theres a mangaka revealing in an interview they have an annotated copy of sogabe's volume 12 with sticky notes flaglets and bite marks#// theres a spinoff novel writer surprised as much as atIus how people liked their part specifically in the anthology with other writers#// theres a miscellaneous drama cd of glimpses of life outside the IT and the mystery itself and the bts says that kasuyan cosplayed#// theres a pixiv artist drawing them since 2009 and have cryptic art in the middle of their own gag 4koma and other longform manga project#// im stuck in the universe where everyone else sucks and i put them in tomodachi life so mimi gets divorced 4 times
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re that post about watching bsd and suddenly wanting to read 20+ books, for the love of god try reading something thats not no longer human or crime and punishment. tanizaki, natsume and akutagawa are considered to be one of japan's most influential writers for a reason and they can be 10 times easier and more accesible than dazai or dostoevsky. higuchi's stories too. please please please reach further than your favourite anime twink pleasee
#and try libraries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you have access to a university library especially!!!!!!!!!#if your school has a japanese studies program there are probably tons of novels and anthologies laying around!!!!!!!!!!!#also pleaseeeeeeeeeee read tanizaki that man was such a freak we'd be best friends if he were still alive#also ngl i have such a personal vendetta against dazai's works like im sorry theyre boring as shit for the most part#ive read nlh and setting sun and two different short stories collections and. i mean they were fine and some were really cool but generally#theyre not mind blowing#its understandable its where ppl start but come onnnnnn#the only bsd author i liked less was mori and maybe ranpo#mori esp god that shit sucked#i will not be dunking on dostoevsky however#he can be tough so it may not be a great place to start but i loove crime and punishment#altho i only read it once in a bordeline feverish state#reading one chapter per day at like 1am and i finished in less that a week#but i also picked it up bc it was a required reading in high school#anyway tanizaki you will always be famous for your led lighbulb kink and also whatever the fuck went down in manji#txt.
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