#work dumber

[cleverboisblog]

[teethlordd]

Putting some guys in some fancy outfits

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.

Now remember, when you’re going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!

Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means you’re doing it right.

You save that life. Good luck.

Or... Or... Or kill them, I don’t fucking care.

Audio source

[hugejeanmanjackman]

Absolutely idiotic headcanon that Gortash gets so used to the kinky freak level sex he has with Durge that the next time he has sex with some random patriars he has trouble staying hard because it's just so vanilla and predestination. He might as well be making a grocery list in his mind while he's pumping away.

And of course people start gossiping and bc Gortash is a mature man he blames Durge and goes full bitchy mean girl whenever they're around. And of course, when Durge finally overhears the gossip, bc Gortash would never just tell them what's wrong, they find it hilarious. And because Durge is Durge, they have no clue how to comfort Gortash, but they know he would hate him if they tried anyway. So basically, making jokes about it in the heat of sex is their only solution.

Gortash decides he must go on a sex tour through as many partriars as possible to save his reputation. But Durge starts murdering them, and not only is it a bad look that all these people start dying immediately after hooking up with Gortash, Durge doesn't even give them enough time to gossip about Enver's skills! So they work out a deal that Durge can only murder every third or fourth person and has to wait at least a tenday to give them time to spread the good news about Gortash's dick. And that becomes a whole new sex game between the both of them.

[stary-darlin]

I keep thinking of sweetheart!reader who keeps on getting ellie worked up and going insane just thinking about her, how you may ask? Just by smiling to her and giggling at her dad jokes. Both of you are dumb and dumber, and ellie is here for it all <3

Sweetheart!reader who has a whole bag full of emergency kits — that are filled with bandages that have hearts and bears on it that you collected from abandoned nurseries and other necessary stuff — and snacks and cute little weapons that joel says will not do justice when you are in an emergency and two sets of Nintendo switches just for funzies :3

Joel groaned as he felt a sharp nail press against his shoe, causing him to freeze at his place and sit down quietly before taking the shoe off and finding out that it poked his foot's skin to the point it's bleeding.

You quickly came to him and looked at him with your eyes widened, kneeling next to him and getting your emergency kit out while ellie stood by the door to guard you guys from any zombie. Pulling out the bear bandage since joel acts like one and putting it on the wound and patting joel's shoulder lightly, ignoring the fact that he's glaring at you offensively.

"There you go, all good now! Could you walk?" You ask while smiling widely, your dimples making it's presence known. Ellie turning around to see the bear bandage on joel's feet, holding her laugh with all the power that she has, visually shaking.

Joel groaned and sighed, "I'm fine, I could walk."

Later on that day, Ellie kept on calling Joel 'baba bear' which made Tom confused and curious to see why Joel was called that. And god, he joined Ellie in bullying Joel out; making Joel feel more humiliated than he ever did in his whole life.

Sweetheart!reader who straddles ellie's hips while she's lying down and doing her nails and make up, with ellie just looking you starstruck, her eyes turning into hearts as she sees you leaning closer to her body, feels the warmth of your thighs against her hips, craving that body contact of yours with hers.

You hum a song melody that you heard in the bar, tilting your head to the side as you leaned closer to ellie's face, focused on not missing up the thin coating of your cherry lip balm on her lips. Poor ellie, just getting more and more redder as you leaned closer, her hands pressed against on her bed's sheets like she was sewed on it.

"Ellie, could you put your hands on my hips so I dont fall, please?" You ask with your soft voice going through ellie's ears like an on-going melody.

"Mhm–"

She obeys you and lands her trembling hands on your waist, that you soon corrected and lowered them to your hips, freaking ellie out to the point if you look inside her mind you will see her braincells fighting every urge that has to do with you.

Sweetheart!reader who just a ball of sunshine walking around the town, smiling to everyone as if life was nothing but unicorn dust and cotton candy. But hey people in town quite of a fond with it, smiling back to you each time you pass by. You gave them hope of a new future and they loved it, but not ellie, cause she thought alot of creeps are not worth your gorgeous smile to be in their direction even, she would always put her hand on your mouth and snatch you to her with her arm on your shoulder, taking her words to heart.

You walked around with ellie, hands in hands as you waved to joel's friends on the street. Both of you were walking to the bar to have a drink as a prize for finishing 4 commissions in one day, ellie was okay with it until you turned your head to one of the guys that were rumored to be perverts. Pulling you to the other side so the guy doesn't look over at the skin your shorts were showing, and putting your hands down as you were about to wave to him. A dumb act out of you.

You looked up at her with your doe eyes, "Hey, I was–"

"Don't." She warned, "just not for him."

You giggled, tilting you head to the side, "you jealous?"

Ellie glared at you for a moment and closed her eyes, sighing as she nodded to you, "yes, very." Before leaning down and kissing your forehead.

All rights reserved to @stary-darlin , please do not copy, rewrite, translate my works on any other platform.

Requests: open <3

[morganbritton132]

Eddie posts a Tiktok where he says, “Here is a reenactment of a real conversation I once heard Dustin and Steve have.”

Eddie as Dustin: Steve, what do you know about the X-Men?

Eddie as Steve: ex-men?? I think they’re just called women.

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[musubiki]

oscar scribbles

[w1lmutt]

Most haunting moment of a design conference I went to last week was when the ai enthusiast was talking about the future potential usages of ai. "In the future we might go to a restaurant with friends where we need to split the bill, and you can tell the ai to generate an app that does that for you" HELLO????????????? LEARN TO DIVIDE????????????????????

[alittlecrow]

It’s been almost two months since I wrote in the annotations while rereading the books that I should be getting ‘round to the original sketch in my phone notes. And I finally finished drawing Watson with a “women want me, fish fear me” hat. So enjoy this overly rendered joke art, if you wish, lmaoo.

[krikidilly]

Shitty scribbles of a RenGiyu focused Kamisama Kiss au i made for the sake of my poor health

[mieczyhale]

zionists aren't bad actually, and if you think they are you do not know what a zionist actually is

you're parroting shit you're told because you don't want to do any real research for fear of not looking like you're A Good Person. because the ignorance is neverending circle-jerk and if you don't educate yourself, don't realize you're spreading lies, slander, and general antisemitism, you're going to be stuck in that circle - part of the problem.

oh and what's happening isn't actually a genocide. there are specific things that need to occur for it to be deemed a genocide and it hasn't hit them

adding some tags from a friend's post on the topic, and linking said post for y'all to read. it's one of many among the Jewish tumblr community talking about this exact thing further but i don't possess the mental energy to do all the research for you

[tallatonk]

baghera having to whisper forever and tell him to play along is SENDINGGGG me

bad: *trying his best to set up a surprise for forever, cuz hes gay n misses him*

forever: *activates paranoid parent mode and ignores whatever bad is saying*

baghera: dude please be less oblivious, this is why you don't get pussy

[dimorphodon-x]

Holiday episode🎄

Featured ocs belong to @cuppajj @whosafraidofthedjd @tigracespace @krutchs-medbay @voiidbots

[swaps55]

It required two ladders and a makeshift scaffold to pull off, but we finally hung the incredible Mass Effect travel posters created by @legionofpotatoes.

I am SO EXCITED to have them up. They look incredible!!!

Photos of the scaffold under the cut, for the curious. It was hard and we are proud. XD

[doesnotloveyou]

"there are no instructions on how to use tumblr!" and "I've been here for years (joined after 2017) and didn't know this feature existed!"

do some of you just never explore things ever? like you join a site, don't check the TOS, don't check your privacy options, don't check all the settings, never look at your stuff in desktop, and only pay attention when someone makes a post like "omg turn off this feature immediately!" ?

bro. it's your house. know where everything is and what it does, the real estate agent isn't going to hold your hand

and help yourself by following @changes so you'll actually know when tumblr announces every minor change no one notices for a couple weeks until one person screams that their favorite button was moved slightly to the left on mobile

[writingforstraykids]

...the stupidity my brain sometimes possesses is beyond me. I asked @zehina what those little stick thingies you can eat with are called. I spent two minutes before, trying to remember the word in English, German and Spanish and I didn't get shit okay... that's until I sent that message and felt pretty dumb immediately because sticks... chopsticks, nat, chopsticks.