#work 3 days this week and thats one of them
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Got scheduled outside of my available time this week (class on Tuesday so I can't do closings then) and aaargh. Already texted one of my managers but I might have to call the store and I don't wanna. I hate unnecessary phone calls and our phones suck ass so its hard to understand :(
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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love watching weather science videos but like. why am i 1000x more interested in tornadoes over hurricanes. they're both spinning air
#we wanted to be a stormchaser when we were younger#nowadays we have to worry about our health too much to have such a risky high-stress high reaction time job#been watching nothing but tornado history videos for days it's one of our intermittent special interests#stemming from the weather science workbook we OBSESSED over as a kid#would read that thing cover to cover multiple times a week. i was the kind of autistic who would read the Encyclopedia for fun#i actually had a fave encyclopedia entry as a kid and now i cannot fucking remember it 😭#i also learned what sex was through the encyclopedia 😭😭😭😭 was legit my first exposure to the concept#but like even though we watch A TON of weather videos including tons of stuff about thunderstorms and blizzards#(thunderstorms my fucking beloved. favourite weather pattern ever. cumulonimbus my bestest friend <3)#most of the videos we watch are mostly tornado videos. and hurricane videos feel boring to us#even though hurricanes are wayyy more powerful#tornadoes are still fucking powerful it's just more. concentrated#tornadoes to me feel Targeted like. that's weather that says Fuck YOU in particular actually#especially multivortex tornadoes where you can literally have two houses both in the middle of the storm at once#and still only one of them gets destroyed#or like pictures you can see of demolished houses with their mailbox in the yard simply untouched#i like to watch tornado videos bc they help me. prepare. just in case#our state gets hit with tornadoes pretty frequently though not as much as tornado alley#and i like to know all the information for sheltering and what to do in the event of a collapsed building and such#i have a little survival kit in the bathroom just in case with like basic first aid and a radio and bottled water#bc thats probably the safest room for me to be in since it's not near any external walls and also hiding in the tub is usually good#also in the event you're caught on the road during a tornado#DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE shelter under a bridge or overpass#those work basically like straws where as the air gets pushed through it goes MUCH faster and gets dangerous way easier#as far as im aware the best place to be is in a ditch or hole if you absolutely cannot find a shelter in time#if you do not have a car with roll protection then being in your car will probably be worse#NOT AN EXPERT THO pls verify this information on your own if you think it is relevant or necessary i have poor memory and can be stupid#i just know that overpasses are dangerous as hell
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just saw that there's a monster in the hull update and realized i'd missed three of those........this + the audio are such treats giggling and kicking my feet about it fr. going to leave a comment on the fic itself but in the meantime needed to drop a letter on here to say i love the way you write billie--her loneliness, her thoughtfulness, distrust of yet attraction to emily and everything she represents........not to mention the way she's haunted by daud, the longing for a life she can't fathom and will never have !!! society if everyone gave billie the complexity she deserves. and your banter and prose are stunning as always lord everything abt this fic is so good. bringing wine to you on the deck to drink together about it in spirit and yes pun intended
🙏😭 thank you so so much I don't know what to say! that's amazingly kind of you ♥ its a genuine pleasure to like. double down on themes and nuance and less popular characters and just like. idk. trustfall into the fandom that there's people with taste like you, and you can invite them onto your metaphorical deck for wine and meaningful looks 🍷♥♥♥
re: billie - no one else in the dh universe comes close to whatever she has going on
hiding my thoughts about writing dh2 billie >
there's so much material to her!
i thought i'd never write for dishonored 2 (not derogatory - its my favourite game). its undoubtedly linear & doesn't have the mystery or grit of dh1 IMO.
but i saw lapin post that billie & emily comic, and i saw a few other people i respect mention billie/emily and it had me rotating them until the abjection/emily-monster thing clicked and then it was downhill from there
but there's more to think about - what billie has been doing with herself, how she feels about daud & the whalers at this point in her life, her relationship with sokolov (god.a separate rant), her history in karnaca & dunwall, emily's place in the empire and how that fits into billie's story, her lifelong revenge arc, and comparisons between jessamine & deirdre.
like. when you consider billie's perspective you realise how fucking badass she is for going back to dunwall. she not only did it scared she did it scared for her life. suicidal level flimsy disguise trapped in a tin can with your enemy. etc
PLEASE tell me if you ever decide to post that daud & billie fic you mentioned a while back :O
#asks#corpseprince my beloved <333#thinkin bout your one-day fic. daud and billie are SO difficult to write#not simply father daughter but like. the suicide pact vibes they have and the all consuming nature of dauds bonds#and there's a strong running tension between them#not to mention neither being the type for feelings#the more 'dishonored fandom friendly' fics im working on i've deprioritised recently#yuri on the way <3 there was a deficit anyway!#mostly excited for brigmore smut#if i may bitch on your lovely post (sorry). if you cbf with that stop reading here#idk. it keeps happening#so i post a chapter. maybe get 2 kudos that week#which is nice and i smile every time im stoked to see readers around#but then one or two days later some unpleasant fucko on tumblr has taken one of the ideas i put in the new chapter of my fic#and turned that into a low quality textpost like it was their idea. it gets a heap of notes#and its always a *highly specific* idea after i posted it. and i know what the fandom is talking about broadly so it sticks out#i dont mind at all when its like mutuals or people who have commented or talked to me then its more like 🤝#like. someone who doesnt appear to have ever interacted with me or the fic#im not trying to flatter myself by saying theres no chance its a coincidence. but its offputting as hell#backhanded signal of success? bestie thats my meta post but you made it worse <3#so my focus rn is niche-r stuff for smart cool people with taste#THE RAMBLING. *tops up your wineglass if you made it this far*
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i kind of need to be like skinned or put into a meat grinder or something . lol .
#personal#vent#vent in tags#maybe i can just boil myself alive instead#im so SICK of being the one to be actively concerned with all my friends' health & having to tell them to take care of themselves#'yeah i threw up from a hangover on the way here and i havent eaten in like 3 days and i dont do anything other than work and sleep'#ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME#'i only shower once a week' we can tell 'and i dont ever use shampoo. and im still surviving off a diet of just top ramen and dr pepper'#MY BROTHER IN CHRIST. TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF#'i havent made a doctors appointment for this possibly life threatening issue yet' im actually going to start sobbing .#IM NOT. MAD AT ANY OF MY FRIENDS TO BE CLEAR#but god its so fucking tiring. to be one of maybe two people to actually go 'hey that is really concerning please take care of yourself'#and then i cant fucking. take care of myself & i dont have the energy to think about my friends health anymore and i feel bad about it#i am NOT the pinnacle of health. but got damb !! if ur gonna not take care of yourself please do not tell me about it i get so so worried#& then my mother . god. waves vaguely at any interaction i have with her. doesnt make it any better#im so sick i need out of this house & out of this town get me outta here ! id thrive in pokemon put me in the pokeverse or some shit PLEASE#if ur the one person who i mentioned in tags thats also on tumblr pls pls know i am not mad at you im just so stressed always#& i care for u so deeply & it worries me so bad that u/ur family havent made more progress towards getting the issue solved .#(u probably won't see this post anyways but if u do. i just want it to be clear)#ANYWAYS it just crazy how i can bounce so rapidly from 'im not even human' to 'i am Too human'. and iam so so sick .of it.#if a single customer even makes eye contact with me at work tomorrow im going to gnaw my left pinky off in front of them i stg
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I would like. To be in mutual love
#rant#yeah...#...........................................................................................................................................#look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i#cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have#and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over#meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship#that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend#and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before#i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back#to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever#kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that#i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love#i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too#luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date#the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it#was just not enough click to even make a friend#god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours#i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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Not to sound emotionally damagee, but my first ex did literally cheat on me 4 times to get back at me for trying to have a conversation with him in order to set up boundaries with our polyamory. N later left me for a guy he was seeing on the side (but the guy didn't want him lol)
#it has actually made my self esteem and trust tank so much#idk if i can handle another relationship#i tried to be so patient with him. to try to meet him where I was amd rather than talk to me#hed just text the guy he was cheating on me with n tell them.#n then that guy woul text me n tell me to kill myself for treating my bf that way#.... ways my bf refused to tell me#he'd literally lie to my face that it was okay#every time i checked on him#every time I tried to just trust n believe him hed be hiding something from me#n get mad that the things he never mentioned were problems kept happening#n of course if i mentioned this was bullshit n we need some level of trust n communication#hed run out on me. drive away. n cheat again#he was my first boyfriend#i dated him all through college bc I thought he was the one#n he dumped me 3 weeks after my dad died n the day after he met the person who raped me when i was a kid :-(#i just#I thought i could make it work#i just wish i knew what went wrong#he keeps saying he'll talk to me soon about it#but then he keeps blocking me or telling me how he now has a new boyfriend#want enough closure so i can trust myself again#or at least so i dont keep hating myself#but i guess thats just hopeless to want
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I will never disparage another artist for getting that paper or having a different skill set from me but it is the most discouraging thing to see a popular artist making fucking BANK because since they are popular, theyre able to charge more for a lesser amount of work AND still pull in a mad amount of clients doing it. like good for them but why can't it be me
#nerd alert#looking at another artist who has evidently made more in 3 weeks off commissions than i do in 2 months at my day job#making pieces that i could probably do in half a day and would charge like a third of the price of#but i couldn't anyway bc i dont get that many clients :')))#AGAIN NOT TO TALK SHIT ABOUT ANOTHER ARTIST. like the posting frequency gives away the amount of time spent on them#but like the pieces are Fine. im not saying theyre bad. but its so frustrating when the price of something that one person#can apparently easily make 2 or 3 of a day is comparable to my best work. but i cant get people to bother paying for my best work#or to even look at or reblog it.#this is why i havent been posting art btw. cuz why fucking bother. and cuz ive been doing other stuff thats not drawing a lot
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just emailed last years college secretary, looked into signing up for 2 other colleges, got the details for a job im interested in + texted the friend whose sister works there to see if she can get me Connections and i got another job offer from the place i interned at im soooo cool and adult
#shut up dave#passes out and explodes!!!#its stiiiilll like. so scary#aaand overwhelming#the uni stuffs most stressful once thats over with itll probably be easier to like. deal with having a job#cause even if i dont get the bookstore one i can still go work w the kids ( plus i dont rly wanna like. leave them.#their other young teacher goes on maternity leave this week. so if i dont go there theyll b left with#teachers that not even one of the kids considers their favorites#and thats kinda sad!!#but also i DO need money and. the other month i worked 30hr weeks for a total of $200 a month#so like 50 a week#and current offer is for like 2 hrs a day? thats 3 times less#also it takes me almost an hour to GET there. but i love the kidsss its like worth the effort sometimes. but not rly. every day i think#BUT if i MANAGE to get a part-time thing like a 4 to 10? since my work would end at 2-3 and it takes an hour to get ANYWHERE from there#its be like having a full time thing except i go work in 2 diff places!#sigh. adult life sucks tho i wanna stay inmy room and draw
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Monday my coworker cleared his throat on me when talking to me for 3 minutes, and I immediately put on a mask, disinfected and moved everything I had to the conference room because he obviously had something. I also immediately told my boss who "was wondering if he should send him home". All of that, but apparently that was enough to get me sick.
Here's the thing, and I know this isn't how it works, I got it from a coworker at work and did EVERYTHING in my power to not get it so i could continue work, so I should get my sick days paid even though I don't have any more PTO. I'm still going to work with a mask on in the warehouse because I, specifically, am needed to complete physical inventory which is incredibly important, but I had to go home at 3pm because I was on the verge of fainting. If I cannot complete these last 2 weeks of work, my company will fall apart, which is why I gave a 5 week notice instead of 2 and delayed starting my new job. I know "fuck this company", but I have enough pride to not want things to be worse than they already are because I Built This Place. I want all the systems I designed to work.
Tldr if a coworker got me sick because my boss didn't send him home when he knew he should, and I took measures to limit my exposure right after being exposed, then I should get my sick hours paid.
#totes bro#all of this to say my boss is PISSED at the coworker even though he shares culpability#which fair anyway but im here to close out the books and wrap up the year as well as document everything#as well as I am literally the only person other than my boss working next week because i always dont take Christmas week off#but that means im covering#i dont take Christmas week off because i don't celebrate Christmas and i want people who do to have their time#because thats important to them when for me its just that i can opportunistically have over a week off while only taking 3 days#Im leaving im leaving im leaving finally i have done what you guys say#but i am so annoyed and sad#i cannot explain how critical it is for me to be here at end of year to close things out regardless of whether or not i leave#the whole company had to shift work schedules because my wife was in the hospital once and i couldn't come in#but now im leaving#i know fuck this company they shouldn't have one person who is the linchpin and they brought this upon themselves#'in exchange for some pto now you are allowed 10 texts that i will respond to after i leave'#generous!
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I don't wanna laugh at your expense but also KIND OF a funny series of events😭😭😭here's to recouping that $20...
Speaking of Ryuji... I ended up going through like 60 fucking reviews (WILL throw up if I have to read even one more) and while I'm gonna hold my tongue on all that for now, I still can't quite tell if the Ryuji thing is main story or a substory or a substory that's needed to progress... that said, apparently there are a bunch of fights with fakes that feature flashbacks, including a fake Kiryu and a fake Nishiki? Weirdly the flashbacks make me kind of wish there was a fake Mine since I'm not sure there's gonna be anything all that deep with the style change mechanic in Infinite Wealth
it can get even worse Watch This the exam i thought i was gonna have wednesday was today :))))))))))) when i say i had to fight every urge to just get up and start flipping desks :))))))
fake kiryu AND fake nishiki ???? wild....... we finally getting a boss rush mode since like... y3 omg....
#snap chats#speaking of that twenty tho i was just reminded that this morning a commissioner said they couldnt pay me this month#for the like. fourth month in a row 🧍♂️#to top it off when i was going to the dining hall the card i gave :)) the one i didnt need to buy :))) didnt work#i still got in i just had to give my id n umber but it's just inconvenience after inconvenience im over it#//wistfully looking at the Monday poster// oh takagi we're really in it now...#IN ANY CASE. GODSPEED FOR YOU LOOKING AT ALL THEM REVIEWS THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK#im excited to see what it's all about...... i wont get my hops up about mine cause either way it'll be cool to see ryuji again.. hehe..#i wonder what his deal gonna be...#now excuse me while i drown my sorrow in food. i took a cookie from a group of three#and in the philippines that tends to be bad luck so <3#HONESTLY THATS PROBABLY WHY MY DAYS BEEN SO BAD HANG ON. IF I MAY BE SUPERSTITIOUS.#cause last night i ate the rest of the chocolates i got my roommates. its ok they were untouched for a week so#and there was exactly three left oh my god......... ill blame my misofrtune on that fuck it i dont care anymore#ok let me eat all this just so i can throw it up later BYE
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#would like to finish my fucking fic but i need to just rant about how insane architecture school is#there are 50 people in my year and we're making this book thing together#have to present the book thing today#theres 8 groups and each person made a handful of pages#each group handles 1 topic#and then theres a formatting team which is a representative from each team#so that we can all coordinate on the formatting and hten go back to our groups to tell them like what fonts to use and give them layouts#shit like that#i am on that team#which means i have to nitpick my team and make sure their pages look the same as the other people's pages and compile them#we have ?? 30 something pages of diagrams and drawings? 8 teams so the book is probably 250ish pages long atm#thats due today and after were done presenting were getting a second study to do which is due on monday (same length)#we have to present that one too#and then we have an essay due tuesday (3 pages) a site analysis due thursday (that ones short#another due next tuesday (again 3 pages for theory (gag))#and were getting our studio assignment after mondays presentation#where we have to design a building and we have a few months to do it#and this weekend i have a networking event and a site visit so i have like 1 day to work and 1 day to do those things#oh and we have readings in the midst of all this#not sure the word count on that but we have usually 4 a week and theyre usually each 20 ish pages long which isnt that bad but you know#oh shit i also have to go to mr theory mans office hours on monday bcause i NEED that 4.0 man i need it#anyway if i am not writing i promise you i PROMISE you i am thinking about how much i want to and what i will do next#there is just ?????? so much shit to do#also my structures class is during the quali today so im just gonna. watch it in there. multitask. priorities#tldr dont study architecture#all these f1 drivers who wanted to be architects? would they have survived is my question. the answer may shock you#td
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#unprecedented emotions in this body o mine. like. this may b surprising given the amount of bitching i do on this website#but let me assure u irl i am exceptionally patient. but right now. there is a limit and that is where we now stand#and again this is prob my fault but ive come to the conclusion that fuck these custom chambers. fuck the amount of work that went into them#fuck all of this. im not fucking using them. i will sit here with this one fucking bryophite chamber if it takes me all goddam day bc at#least i fucking trust the values. that means ill have to split up measurements by 2 days but fuck u im right abt this#the solution is: u cant fucking do 98 samples at once. that it. im sorry. fuck u#and i would probably have come to this conclusion earlier if i had thr time to test but doing it all rught now with no fucking room for#grace makes it very fucking clear. so idk. im not fucking using the chambers. and im not looking forward to explaining this to my boss#bc shes so excited abt this project that i have been dreading since its conception. i started with the 3 chambers and it was somehow#even more awful than i would have imagined. fuck that. 2 or 3 fucking weeks of this#and im not even getting paid for all the extra work i do bc i don't get overtime. im not even technically allowed to work weekends or over#40hrs a week. im just doinf this bc im already so miserable why thr fuck not.#hhhhh im being such a brat abt this for real. ugh but i dont wanna meet with my boss#bc this feels like the time where i have to explain that like. listen. u know that thing im really good at and have spent fucking hour and#hours and hours and hours of time doing? well its catastrophically destructive to my brain and thats whats landed us here#where im so fucking fed up that i wanna quit. clean cut and never work with this stuff ever again#and if i have to use the 3 chambers i might die. i might just evaporate away into a million pieces bc i dont wanna deal with this#but i dont wanna explain that bc then shell feel bad and this isnt her fault. i have an issue thats out of my control and im letting it#devour me whole so like 🤷♂️ its my fault bleh#whatever. itll be fine. ive got a coherent argument as to why this is too much. and i kno im fucking right so there it is#i feel like that helps me make decisions: heres what has to happen. heres whats preventing that from happening#and there it is. it either u can fix it or u cant. thats it. u deal with the things in ur control#lol at least im not alone to stew in my anger. im working with 2 other ppl today. so i mean i say that im fucking furious bc im visual fine#lol bc im a patient and level headed person irl im just really whiney online bc i have no outlet. so itll b fine. decision made now we just#deal with it. ugh but how tf am i gonna distract myself from how miserable this is all day? thats the real question#brain gets Interrupted ever 5 min bleh agony#unrelated
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this silly (but lowkey so REAL) comic about horror and s1 killer got me thinking thoughts. man..... stage 1 killer out on his way to do everything to go against s2's actions. you can't just tell EVERYONE not to trust you in stage 2 man they dont trust you either way!!! god,,,, and then horror just gets beat up because of what YOU suggested??? and killer's got the classic goofy ass grin on his face. bro probably doesnt even remember what he saiiiid but ugh,,,,,
mtt spotted on the second photo mtt best group. anyways i always like it when horror (and by extension dust) learn to pay attention to killer's stages. it doesn't even have to be for a sweet cute awww 🥺🥺 reason like for keeping track of boundaries and how to deal with different killers. nah!!!! i just like it if they're more wary with 2,,,, learn to pay attention to stage 1 just incase he says anything important but not really rely on him because goddamn it whatever he tells them to do just backfires anyways. and then they dont even really need to pay attention for 3 they just need to GET THE FUCK OUT THE BOMBS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!! SHIIIIT!!!!! 4? whats that? another stage? never heard of it aside from the other 3............ euagh
#oh ya this is by zyz800 on twt#horror's so cutie patootie in this one this comic gives off peak hrkl vibes even if it has nothing to do with it#listen if the trio could escape together they probably it's literally just that killer is too unpredictable to ever go with horror and dust#THE TWO PROBABLY COULD IF HE JUST AGREED..... BUT THEY CANT BECAUSE HE WONT FUCKING AGREE!!!!!!!#killer is singlehandedly the only thing keeping all THREE of them stuck in the gang and bro is dooming himself and his counterparts#they cant escape they might as well try the second best thing: distracting themselves through eachother#if all else fails a group suicide doesnt sound that bad. horror and killer will just have to drag dust down with them#group suicide and then killer just comes back. finally got rid of those bitches! i'm sick of their asses! and then he runs off to freedom#GO KILLER!!!! GO KILLER!!!! ESCAPE!!! ESCAPE LIKE NOBODY ELSE CAN!!!!!#i'm in such a good mood i did so much swapinverse work today#i finished vice.SER's full and summarized lore.... did some of crash's main facts!!! ugh!!!! so productive!!!!!#i had 5 days off last week and i literally only did stuff TODAY. THIS WEEK#3 days of no school and i did absolutely nothing.......... man#executive dysfunction is going to kill me one day i fear#is it even executive dysfunction i dont know but with how annoying it is i feel it can be called that#horror has no fucking idea what the hell killer's yapping about man. stages??? like for concerts??? why are there 3 of them??? he dgaf#where's dust in this comic. did killer try something like this with dust too. did it end up in the same ending#dust would probably never trust killer again if he was in horror's place in this comic thats prob why#but then again would dust make sure a rookie mistake like that? ive yet to know because i am not him#been listening to xxtha's mtt songs on loop since like 7 pm im in such a trio mood. this is great#i love being productive i love breaking out of the loop i love feeling like i'm real for this#tricule rant
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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