#HONESTLY THATS PROBABLY WHY MY DAYS BEEN SO BAD HANG ON. IF I MAY BE SUPERSTITIOUS.
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I don't wanna laugh at your expense but also KIND OF a funny series of events😭😭😭here's to recouping that $20...
Speaking of Ryuji... I ended up going through like 60 fucking reviews (WILL throw up if I have to read even one more) and while I'm gonna hold my tongue on all that for now, I still can't quite tell if the Ryuji thing is main story or a substory or a substory that's needed to progress... that said, apparently there are a bunch of fights with fakes that feature flashbacks, including a fake Kiryu and a fake Nishiki? Weirdly the flashbacks make me kind of wish there was a fake Mine since I'm not sure there's gonna be anything all that deep with the style change mechanic in Infinite Wealth
it can get even worse Watch This the exam i thought i was gonna have wednesday was today :))))))))))) when i say i had to fight every urge to just get up and start flipping desks :))))))
fake kiryu AND fake nishiki ???? wild....... we finally getting a boss rush mode since like... y3 omg....
#snap chats#speaking of that twenty tho i was just reminded that this morning a commissioner said they couldnt pay me this month#for the like. fourth month in a row 🧍♂️#to top it off when i was going to the dining hall the card i gave :)) the one i didnt need to buy :))) didnt work#i still got in i just had to give my id n umber but it's just inconvenience after inconvenience im over it#//wistfully looking at the Monday poster// oh takagi we're really in it now...#IN ANY CASE. GODSPEED FOR YOU LOOKING AT ALL THEM REVIEWS THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK#im excited to see what it's all about...... i wont get my hops up about mine cause either way it'll be cool to see ryuji again.. hehe..#i wonder what his deal gonna be...#now excuse me while i drown my sorrow in food. i took a cookie from a group of three#and in the philippines that tends to be bad luck so <3#HONESTLY THATS PROBABLY WHY MY DAYS BEEN SO BAD HANG ON. IF I MAY BE SUPERSTITIOUS.#cause last night i ate the rest of the chocolates i got my roommates. its ok they were untouched for a week so#and there was exactly three left oh my god......... ill blame my misofrtune on that fuck it i dont care anymore#ok let me eat all this just so i can throw it up later BYE
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vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)
i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse
i just cant deal with anything i dont know why
i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out
i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late
i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.
and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break
my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room
i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me
i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore
it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems
and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)
it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably
i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity
im so tired
#sorry if u know me and think this might be about you#not trying to like vaguepost abt them though i just dont even know if its worth bringing up. and i cant even rly communicate#i forget if my irl friend has a tumblr#its not your fault i feel like this though if anyone does read this#i just feel like i keep saying the same things in vents to friends and i want to stop bothering tgem
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I thought I was starting to feel better ... but it was temporary. These feelings are still there, I’m doing everything I can to distract myself, but these thoughts of her are on replay. I really miss her. Every little thing reminds me of her, what she would say in any given situation, the little funny noises she would make, her facial reactions, the awkward little hand movements she would do, the thumbs up.. and her love for bleach 😂. I want to tell her how my day is going, want to know how hers is.. and I want to play BDM so bad.. but I can’t. I wish I can just go over right now and play with kujo. Hanging out at her place was the best. Beats all the adventures, road trips, quests for vegan food, errand days, mall trips.. everything. I want to repair our friendship.. no, I want to start over. Without any lies. But to do that I have to let these feelings go. I don’t want her out of my life, I don’t want to never hear her voice again.. to never see her again, I messed up big time. I will own up to it, I was manipulating her, but I didn’t realize it at the time. To start a friendship knowing full well that I had feelings for her.. is a form of manipulation. Nothing I did was out of malicious intent. I could never even dream of harming her, I never meant to cause her any more stress. All I ever wanted to do was to make her happy, to be there for her when she needed it the most.. and I did the complete opposite. I ... put her in the ER. A fact that I will have to live with. I didn’t even know she was having an attack.. let alone me being the reason for the attack.. that’s how much I messed up. I could never forgive myself for that. I think that’s why it hurts so much, all I wanted to do was to help, but she couldn’t see it and in turn.. I wound up hurting her. In my defense.. even if she doesn’t want to hear it, I was defending her. From my point of view, she was putting herself down and not respecting her own self worth by grasping at any little excuse she could to make him seem innocent. I didn’t want to see her do that to herself. No one would leave someone, especially someone they genuinely cared about, without saying anything and just disappear. Even if feelings were lost, a common courtesy of a goodbye would have been better than a complete ghost. He left without any regards to her feelings. Thats an undeniable fact. She just refuses to see it. To know she went back to him after all that.. how can she not see she’s better than that. To also know.. the last day I saw her.. was the day she went back to him.. words cannot explain the pain I felt that night. That night on our spontaneous cali trip.. when she brought him up again, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It hurt me to see her keep doing that to herself. I know it’s not black and white, everyone plays a part when a relationship ends. And yes, I’m “biased” towards her, but my reasoning wasn’t misplaced. I guess I’m defending her.. like she’s defending him. It’s comical really. She may have manipulated the whole situation, but no matter what she did, what her intentions were, I would still always have her back. If she came to me and told me she.. killed someone, I would still be on her side and defend her till the end of time.
Today is New Year’s Eve.. and I’ve been debating if I should even text her to wish her a happy new year. I know she won’t be the first one to make contact. And.. if New Year’s Day passes and I don’t say it.. it’s probably the end. Looking back now, I don’t think she even valued me as a friend. This whole time.. all the times we spent together, our long talks, can be tossed away just like that for her. Honestly.. I was looking forward to see what she would get me for Christmas, not because I wanted anything from her, but because then I would see from her perspective.. of how much she cared about me. I guess getting nothing.. was a loud enough answer. Not even a thank you for the gifts I got her. I thought really hard on those gifts.. and she didn’t even bother to get me anything. It’s the thought that counts, and I wasn’t even given a thought. Thinking about it now.. she never really thanked me for anything. I always brushed it off as maybe she had some issues to where she felt like she didn’t deserve things.. but maybe I was making excuses for her, like she’s making for her ex. I still accepted her.. flaws and all. She doesn’t even know the little things i would try and do to help her out, ordering extra food so she could have it the next day.. giving her rides so she could save money on Lyfts.. I genuinely wanted to help. I felt.. bad for her I guess.. after hearing about all the horrible things she’s been through, I just wanted to protect her. I wanted to make her feel safe and know that nothing in this world can harm her again. I know what it’s like to not have anyone to count on, to not have anyone to talk to, to feel alone. I did see myself in her, a younger me.. and it surprised me that one day, when she had said we have complete opposite ways of thinking. For me.. it was so similar. I found a familiarity in her. I guess all I could see was what she was willing to show me.. or maybe.. it was what I wanted to see. It doesn’t matter now, what’s happened, happened. At the end of the day I betrayed her trust by not being honest. We all make mistakes. If I had been honest, and told her my feelings for her never went away.. we would have never spent any time together. So if I were asked if i regret any of it, no I don’t. I would never trade these past few months for anything. For her though.. it seems like I didn’t even mean anything to her. Nothing. Part of me wants to believe it’s not true.. but judging by her actions, what else am I supposed to think. I trusted her so much, I just thought it would be mutual.
I’ve been working through my feelings, examining why I’m feeling this way, why it’s effected me this much. It still comes down to it.. I’m in love with her. It’s not infatuation, but deep genuine love. She doesn’t feel the same way about me, or.. I guess she doesn’t even think about me, but that doesn’t make me hate her. I’m not bitter towards the situation, I’m mature enough to know I cannot force feelings, and I’ve known that from the very beginning. I take complete ownership of how I’m feeling now. Just needed to document all this and get it out of my system before the new year. Tomorrow is a new year.. and I’m debating if i should even wish her a happy new year.
Was written with the playlist “For Bear” on repeat.
12.31.22
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-*Tord x GN! reader angst*-
~*A/N: I did this at 5 in the morning so somethings won’t make sense and there will be some angst so have fun (this is my first time doing angst so sorry if it’s bad!) :)*~
-^(Y/N) = Your Name^-
+’(F/S) = Favorite Show’+
Tord watched from the kitchen as you and Edd argued about which is better. (F/D) or Cola.
(~*A/N: if cola is your favorite drink then put your second favorite drink*~)
Tord has been feeling something he never thought he would feel before.
Jealous
He was jealous of how Edd made you laugh, how Edd always comforted you when you cried, how Edd loved you. Tord was scared that one fateful day you would leave him in the dirt to date Edd.
No, he was terrified.
He was terrified that you would leave him,he was terrified you loved someone else. He was terrified of the day you would leave him for that “no-good-cola-loving-drawing idiot”
However, theres one thing he never knew. You didn’t love Edd, you didn’t love Tom, you didn’t love Matt, you loved Tord. He may be an Hentai addicted gun loving human but he was your BEST friend. He helped you through your darkest times and helped you you get through them. Tord was the first friend you’ve ever made and you were thankful for that. He had been avoiding you and it hurt you. You were convinced that he didn’t like you all that well and was just pretending to.
~*Time skip to next day bc I said so*~
“Hey tord?” Y/N said out to they’re friend.
“What do you want.” Tord responded to the male coldly.
“…I just wanted to know why you’ve been avoiding me lately? You never talked to me anymore! What’s wrong?” Y/N said.
“I never talk to you so you can hang out with your bitchy boyfriend. What the fuck else does it look like you whore?” He said without thinking. The moment he realized what he said you’ve already made your way to you’re room with small tears running down your face. He ran after you screaming stuff like “Wait I Didn’t mean it!” And “I’m really sorry I wasn’t thinking!”
When he got to your room he gently opens the door.
“Hey…” tord said to the person,still sobbing, on their bed.
“Get out Tord” Y/N said refusing to look at Tord.
“I just wanted to say sorry…” Said tord.
There was nothing but silence until….
Tord heard small cries…
“Tord, I love you, I really do! You’ve helped me a lot but you always have to ruin my happiest times with the others. You yelled at Tom for letting me get drunk,you broke Matt’s mirror when he tried to do my makeup, and now calling me a whore for hanging out with Edd? And now you’re expecting me to forgive you?” You whispered-yelled at Tord. He felt even worse now
“Honestly, I’m convinced you don’t even like me…” You whispered, but just enough for Tord to hear.
Thats it. Tord’s heart sunk deep into his chest, Tears glazed his eyes, and he knew you probably hated him.
“I got mad at Tom when he let you get drunk is because you could’ve gotten hurt or worse! That was your FIRST time drinking! I got mad at Matt because the makeup could’ve had something that could make you flare up! And when I called you a whore my brain wasn’t there. I was just mad because I thought you liked Edd,I was jealous…” Tord said the last two sentences more quietly.
You got out of your bed walked up to him. Tord prepared himself for a slap on the face. Instead he got greeted by a kiss on the lips. After a minute you broke the kiss
“Tord,if you were jealous you should’ve just said so, I’ve liked you since the first time I met you!” You said to Tord while he was smiling like an idiot. Tord pulled you into a hug and put you legs on his torso as he made his way to your bed and turned on (f/s).
_~^ Extended Ending^~_
Edd,Matt, and Tom squealed on the other side of the door
“I think we did it!” Edd squealed.
Tom took a peek inside the room.
“Nope, we definitely did.” He said
“I’ll start planning the wedding!” Matt whispered-yelled.
%* I was supposed to post this 2 fucking months ago 😭💀*%
#oneshot#fanfic#eddsworld#eddsworld tord#eddsworld edd#eddsworld matt#eddsworld tom#gender nuetral reader#x reader#angst with a happy ending#idk what else to tag
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Sick day cuddles
So I came up with this idea last night but didn’t know whether to write it with Alcina or Donna, so I let let people on my twitter decide and Donna won which I wasn’t expecting but I love her :)
Luciana is going to be the name of the character I write with for Donna as she is my Oc but I will use ‘you’ for you guys as readers :)
This is my first Donna Beneviento oneshot and I’m still developing ways to write her to stay true to her as a character so bare with me!
I may even make a part 2 if any of you like this and want me to!
(Gif isn’t mine)
Donna sends Angie to wake up Luciana as she got up earlier to finish making this doll. Luciana hadn't gotten out of bed yet and she thought that was weird for her. However she doesn't want to get out of bed and so Donna checks to see if she's okay, but it turns out shes sick.
Basically Donna takes care of her girlfriend and even cuddles with her not caring that she could get sick to.
Warning/s: None
Nothing but Donna being adorable, shy even and wanting to care for her girl.
Donna Beneviento x Fem!Oc
Donna had been wondering all morning why her lover hadn't gotten out of bed yet. She usually gets up an hour after her due to the fact she has been getting up early everyday to work on this new doll project. Angie, her favourite doll from childhood by her side as she watches her finish off the hat she had been making for the doll.
"Angie, could you go check on Luciana for me? I'm rather worried she hasn't gotten up yet". Donna asked the wedding dress clad doll, worry on her face was barely visible due to her wearing the mourning veil over her.
Angie chuckled at how worried Donna was but still she stood up and jumped down from the wooden chair the doll had previously sat on. "Of course, but you worry too much. She is probably having one of those days".
Donna sighed at her very much living doll "yes but those happen rarely anymore, now please Angie." Donna asked her once more. In fact she wasn't even asking she was telling her.
The doll ran into the hall and managed to get up the stairs with ease to Donna and Luciana’s bedroom. Of course it's hers too but she has a room by herself sometimes or just stays down the stairs with other dolls aka 'friends'.
Opening the door slightly so she could squeeze passed the gap. Luciana was on her side like usual but snuggling up to Donna's pillow. Angie chuckled at the sight before tapping the young woman on the forehead a few times.
The woman let out a whine and then some more as Angie continued poking her "Wake up Luciana!" She shreaked.
"Go away Angie" You coughed as she turned to face the wall, Donna's pillow still in your grasp as you hugged it tighter. Kicking the bedsheet off yourself as it was way too warm. "Someones moody, come on you've gotta get up!" Angie had prompted to try and budge you out of bed but clearly that wasn't working whatsoever.
"Angie no, I really don't think I can get up today" that immedietely put Angie in 'go fetch Donna' mode. So without another thought Angie rushed out of the room, leaving you to curl up in a ball and complain, you were definitely sick there was no denying that.
A couple minutes of being in the bedroom, nothing but silence and sometimes coughs and sneezes. You had tried to get comfy but nothing seemed to be working. Suddenly the door opening startled you to the point you sat up straight away only to see it was just Donna, a very concerned girlfriend she was.
You smiled at her, she removed the mourning veil from over her face as of course she felt comfortable around you, you smiled again, god she was so beautiful (if only your girls beauty was the cure to your sickness) she brightend up your morning.
"L-Luci my love are you alright?" Donna asks quietly as she sits at the side of your shared bed, you nodded your head 'yes' trying not to worry her too much but you knew she wouldn't believe you for a second especially because she must of heard you whining, coughing and sneezing.
"No, you're not, lay back" Donna instructed you, of course you complied. The raven haired woman placed her hand gently upon your forehead. "Oh you're burning up. Let me go get you some medicine and something to cool you down" Donna gives you a shy smile, just as she was about to get up from the bed you grab her arm "I'm sorry" you manage to get out without coughing.
You were supposed to be going out of the village to the store to fetch a few things and groceries today and you felt the need to apologise just for being ill. This was always a habit of yours, apologising for something so silly but you couldn't help it.
Donna sighs at you "there's no need to apologise, you can't help being ill sometimes. I'll send Tom the gardener out to fetch the groceries." Donna replies, she leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" She adds as she gets up and walks out the room.
Angie keeping you company "you humans are so fragile. Quit being ill so we can continue those horror movies!" Angie oh-so enthusiastically points out as she sits bored on a chair in the bedroom.
You let out a low chuckle as you layed back down and turned to face the doll "sometimes we can't help being ill Angie and who said we can't watch the horror movies while ill?"
That response made Angie jump up in joy and made you laugh slightly even though it hurt due to the stomach ache you had also gotten. "Um, I did. Wait until you get better, Luciana darling." Donna walks back in the room with some medicine and a glass of water with ice in it.
Angie huffed and left the room to go find something else to do like hang out with the other dolls for a bit while Donna sorted you out. You sat up as she handed you the tablets and also a glass of water "Here these should help and at least ease some of the pain and get your temperature back to normal".
You took the tablets and drank most of the water no problem but your stomach really wasn't agreeing with it, you groaned falling back down onto the bed "Why did I have to have the bad luck of being ill" you complained to your doll-making girlfriend. Still keeping your silly humour regardless.
"You don't have bad luck my dear, it just happens." Donna responded but thats honestly not what you wanted right now, you just wanted to cuddle her. So again before she could get up you stopped her by grabbing her blouse "W-what is it?" she asked you, the shyness still in her voice even though she had known you since childhood and has literally dated you for the passed 3 years.
Still you thought it was cute.
You coughed trying to clear your throat "could you stay? I know you're busy but I don't want to be alone right now" you asked her, pouting.
And who was she to refuse, Donna blushed slightly. She would drop everything just for you and besides you're more important to her. "Of course".
You smile at her as she gets into the bed with you, instantly pulling you in her arms, she presses a few kisses to your lips "you'll get sick too if you do that" you chuckle in her arms. "Worth it" she chuckles.
You return the kiss but on her forehead, you didn’t want her getting sick either. If it was possible to get Donna even more flustered well this was the way to do it. "Can me and Angie still watch those horror movies later tonight?" you asked quietly.
"No, just resting tonight." You pouted at her response "buuuuut-" you dragged on.
"No buts, you can watch them tomorrow if you're feeling better but right now I just want to stay like this with you. Tom has gone to get the groceries, Angie is probably-
"Lovebirdsssss" Angie cut off Donna as she waltzed into the room and climb up on the bed "Donna, Florence wanted me to ask you what you would like for dinner later?" She asks.
"What would you like, darling?" Donna asks you.
You shrug your shoulders at first, the raven haired womans arms still wrapped around you "I don't know if I can stomach anything solid so soup?" you questioned. Donna was more than happy to have that for today and even Angie was fine with that (yes she is a doll but she can eat a very small portion of food if she wanted to).
"Soup it is" Angie over-exagerated her voice as she cheered making both you and Donna laugh as she jumped off the bed to inform the cook what everyone wanted tonight.
"You don't have to stay if you want to finish working on that doll you know".
"No no shush, I'm staying now I'm more than happy." Your girlfriend mentions reassuring you that she is just fine with staying by your side the rest of the day. You wondered how you got so lucky to have such a soft but shy and beautiful childhood best friend and girlfriend in one.
#donna beneviento#donna beneviento x fem!Oc#donna beneviento x reader#shes so adorable I can't#the most precious girl ever#I just want to give donna a hug#so writing for her is the only way I can express it
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minecraft endermen are really weird. theyre unnatural and make me feel off.
when i was a small child like seven years ago i would always play minecraft on creative mode and i made an ugly ass enderman "farm" made out of bricks. i had an enderman spawn egg and id just spam it and the enderman couldnt get out (so i thought). anyways having them in this enclosure was probably so i could feel "powerful" over them because to date theyre still the only mob in minecraft that makes me anxious. even above skeletons(which i used to have a horrible fear of (the real life ones not mc ones)) and spiders (which i still have a horrible fear of (again the real life ones not mc)). anyways the endermen just ended up completely teleporting out of the farm and i checked on my world the next day and they were all gone and i didnt appreciate it (this was the same world where my brother blew up my pets but thats a different story).
anyways back to endermen. besides the fact that i just didnt like dying and i did like building ugly structures, one of the main reasons i didnt play survival much for a while, or if i did id put it on peaceful, was because of the enderman. every time i passed one my heart would drop and if i happened to look it in the eye on accident my throat would feel like its closing up and idk why. if it sounds like im bullshitting you or not remembering correctly i swear im not because it still happens actually.
i play survival a ton more now simply because i enjoy it more, it feels like theres actually a goal to achieve, but i never really make efforts toward said goal(ya know, beating the dragon). none of my worlds are really created with the intention of beating the dragon, and therefore i dont have to worry about endermen. if i happen to be outside my house and theres one there, no worries i just wait for it to go away. it may spook me for a sec but im fine.
but recently me and my sister started a world with the sole purpose of beating the dragon. we may have cheated a little (like putting on keep inventory cause honestly we both suck at pvp and have died so many times) but its okay cause thats it. we still have to fight endermen to get pearls for the end portal. and so we were hanging out in the nether and made a little two block tall hidey hole and id stand by the front and taunt endermen to get them to come close so i could kill them without them being able to get to me and it worked really well actually. except for the fact that to get them to come near i had to get them to aggro onto me and to do that i have to look them in the eye and you know where this is going. and so i was like "it has been so long since i looked an enderman in the eye surely i cant still be scared of them" and i turn to my sister like "<sister> you stay in the hole ill get us some pearls"
so i go out and taunt the dudes and guess what bitch got the pit in their stomach from these fuckers!! thats right bestie and my throat started to close up and i started talking to my sister again but i could tell me voice was off from it and i dont know why it happens but it pisses me off. like theyre not even scary looking theyre just a bit odd. and i continue to do this and kill the endermen and it just. doesnt. stop. my throat keeps closing up and im not "in pain" or anything just inconvenienced like what the fuck dude its a bunch of fucking pixels. i dont know its weird.
and now this part is gonna sound super fuckin stupid but ever since i started watching dsmp i immediately got attached to ranboo (cc! and c!) and knowing that c!ranboo was half enderman made me really think "hm endermen arent that bad. granted i havent interacted with one in a while but still not that bad. perhaps my favorite hostile mob" because you know people get attached to characters and think dumb things. and then again ranboo's character straight up existing and also this one specific headcanon i saw that was like "endermen use telepathy to talk so when a player looks at them all their thoughts get projected into them and it hurts their brain :((" makes me feel kinda bad for aggro-ing them and killing them again even though its literally just some pixels dude. my brain is not kind to me about this stuff and its really dumb.
i dont know what about the endermen staring back at me sets off the sort of fight-or-flight that makes me unable to breathe for a second but its something. its not the fact that their jaws basically unhinge when theyre mad because the throat closing up sensation happens before that. it happens when i look at an enderman and it looks back up at me and holds my gaze. i dont know. i dont know why im worked up(even slightly) over a video game. theyre still my favorite hostile mob i think (not just because of ranboo honestly the other hostile mobs just kinda suck).
and also i like the idea of how humanoid they are. not human. humanoid. they have the basic aspects of a minecraft human- square, head, torso, legs, arms, eyes. most mc skins dont even have mouths anyways just eyes. but the endermen have these features differently than us. their eyes are unnatural, legs and arms too long, body all one color, one that can blend in, and you can only see its purple eyes staring you down from a distance. theyre basically just cryptids.
despite skeletons and even zombies looking closer to the player than the endermen, they still seem the most human-like of all of the mobs. they arent aggressive unless provoked. they dont like eye contact(socially awkward). they like picking up stuff and moving it around. theyre curious (i cant explain this one they just are, okay?). even the sounds they make are just phrases like "hey" "hello" "whats up" distorted and in reverse.
i want to know more about them.
i want to know where they came from.
why theyre found in every dimension.
why they sound like us.
i want explanations, i want to know why they scare us.
i want to know if they know.
if they know that we're like them in some way.
that some of us dont mean harm, but for others thats all they want to do to the endermen.
i saw a post once that said "what taught humans to be wary of things that look human, but arent?" i believe the phenomenon is called uncanny valley. what if in the minecraft universe, the thing that taught us that was endermen. or rather, the thing that taught the endermen that was us? because again, the endermen pose no threat to us unless theyre provoked. by one of us. the endermen try to communicate with us- "⊑⟒⊬" "⍙⊑⏃⏁⌇ ⎍⌿?"- but we kill them without reason. thats why they dont like eye contact, its been ingrained in them through evolution that eye contact with a human/player will end in death, and they dont want it to be theirs, so they attack first.
we- or rather, the first minecrafters, maybe (in the lore(?)) people before the game, taught the endermen to fear us. i mean we literally kill them, use their remains to enter their home dimension, and then kill their leader/mother. they do their best to stop us, but we can respawn and they cant. and then, some people even go as far as to make farms, having them all spawn in one place, crowded, cant teleport out- their only defense mechanism gone- and then are slaughtered for their pearls. and due to the mass of these farms there will be chests upon chests full of pearls that no one's using, i saw someone the other day ask what people do with them and someone straight up said they just burn them like god what a waste.
"but izzy, players make mob farms all the time and not just for endermen!!!1!!11! why are the endermen ones so bad why are you only talking about those1!1!1!!!1" 1) because i can, 2) this is an endermen-themed post, and 3) i dont like the other mobs. and of course im not actually mad at the players who like beating the game and making endermen farms and such, i mean thats what it is its all just a game just a bunch of code, 0's and 1's, so why does it matter why bother writing a whole post on it?
because when you look paste the game, when you read in between those ones and zeroes and discover this non-intentional lore, it can make things so much more,, interesting. this is fanfic material. hell, its probably fanart material too. its all for the content to see what the community can create i guess. or maybe i just really like talking about endermen and this has been on my mind for two days now and once i started typing i couldnt stop.
but yeah, thats my final thoughts.
we, humans, experience uncanny valley about the endermen.
but the endermen experience uncanny valley about the players.
#time is empty and thoughts are yes#long post#endermen#minecraft enderman#minecraft#minecraft lore#lore#tw video game death#not really sure if i need to put that since a lot of stuff in minecraft is killing stuff but might as well stay on the safe side with it#god this might be even longer than my other post#at least i formatted it this time#sorta#this post went from endermen make me feel weird to oOoOo psychology at 3 am with no proof real quick#and gonna be honest thats not at all what i had planned but its okay
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Out of My League [Part 1]
Pairing: High school!Spencer Reid x Popular!Reader
Word count: 3.7k (god i don’t shut up do i)
Summary: Spencer begins tutoring you in chemistry, and the two of you bond (I would say no pun intended but fuck it that was GOOD so I’ll say pun intended)
Warning(s): Mentions of bullying, mental illness, some swearing, I made one joke about herpes??? sorry if thats a sore spot with anyone, light angst and pining, Reader POV
Author’s Note: Here it is, folks!! The first official part! I’ so grateful for all the feedback I got on the prologue, I’m glad y’all are liking it, I hope you like this part just as much!! Next part I’m gonna have some baby spencer, and by that I mean whole ass adult spencer that just looks baby
[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]
You absolutely despised chemistry. It’s boring. It’s simultaneously stupid and ridiculously complicated. You weren’t dumb, you were a decent student in all your other classes, but science was never your strong suit. You preferred literature over litmus paper any day. Unfortunately, your failing grade was bringing down your entire GPA, just below the requirement for you to stay on the cheerleading squad. Your coach recommended you get a tutor, or else you were off the team. So you went to the library to see the peer tutoring program, and all of them were booked. The next best thing would be the kid genius in your class. He was probably a better first choice, honestly, but you figured he’d be booked with other students too.
He wasn’t like other kids in your class, not just because he actually cared and was a good student, he was also twelve years old. The kid was a prodigy. He was bullied a lot because of this because no one really understood him. That’s probably why he looked so terrified when you approached him after class one day.
“Hey, Spencer!”
His eyes grew wide as he stared back at you, saying nothing.
“I was just wondering if you were available for tutoring?”
“Oh, uh, um, y-yeah, in chemistry?”
“Yeah, what are your rates like? Like say we do an hour every other day, how much would that be?”
“Oh! N-no charge.”
“Really?”
“The first couple of sessions can be a trial run, I don’t want your money if you’re not benefiting from it.”
That made you smile, this kid was so nice and you just wished that people actually cared about that instead of the dumb shit they bullied him for. Sure, he was skinny and short and dorky and you know, a literal twelve-year-old boy, but if someone would take time to know him, they’d see he’s a good kid.
“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t wanna waste your time if you have other students.”
“I don’t, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Great! Are you free after school today?”
He nodded and avoided all eye contact before scurrying out of the room to his next class.
~~~
You met up later in the library. You greeted each other politely with simple hi’s and hey’s and nothing more. Then it was time to pour over your books for an hour and try to force the puzzle pieces into place and hope something finally clicked. Balancing molecular equations physically hurt. Just when you thought you got it all right, Spencer reminded you that you still had to balance the oxygen, which was always bonded with something else, which threw off the whole equation. Every time you made a mistake you just let out a groan and set your head on the table.
“It’s a lot of math, a lot of people have a hard time with it, don’t feel bad.”
“I’m so fucking stupid.”
“You’re not! It’s an easy mistake.”
“You don’t make mistakes like that.”
“That’s because I’ve been taking advanced math classes for the past two years, I’m good at this stuff.”
“You’re good at everything, you're a literal genius.”
“There are people who aren’t geniuses who are good at this sort of thing, just look at Johnny Abrams in our class. He answers every question Mrs. Gustin asks and I once saw him put his backpack on his car’s roof and start driving ‘cuz he forgot it was there. He’s just been practicing. That’s why we’re here, right?”
He always reassured you. Always told you that you weren’t stupid. You weren’t dumb. He always smiled when you got questions right and told you you were doing a good job. When your hour was up, you said goodbye and went home.
Spencer’s mini lectures aside, most of your sessions were sparse in the conversation department. The first time he went off on a side about some chemistry facts, you couldn’t keep up. You just sat there, jaw hanging while he went into detail about saponification, which wasn’t even in this lesson.
“Sorry, I’m rambling.”
“Did we learn that in class? Cuz if we did, I’m screwed.”
“No, not yet at least.”
“How do you just… know that?”
Spencer avoided your eyes once again, something he did more than spouting random facts, “I read a lot.”
That’s how it happened the first time. All it took was you asking one question about different types of reactions for him to launch into another spiel. You figured you’d have to know it at some point, so you started writing down whatever you could catch from his fast-paced speech, taking notes in bullet points.
“And that-- Oh. Y-You don’t need to do that, that’s not even on the curriculum.”
“Well, I gotta keep up with you somehow, right?” You glanced up from your page and flashed an almost challenging smirk as you saw him stifle a smile as he avoided all eye contact with you, as per usual. He then cleared his throat and got back to the actually assigned chapter.
The more he went off on tangents, the more he realized you weren’t stopping him. He was actually able to make chemistry sound interesting to you, which is strange, but it was easier to understand through how he explained it all. Something told you that he wasn’t used to having someone listen to what he said, because he just lit up when he talked about this stuff. He was clearly passionate about it, so why would you make him feel bad about it? He always apologized, but you always reassured him it was no big deal.
You didn’t know it at the time, but the kid was falling hard. This pretty, older girl was paying attention to him and didn’t think he was annoying? The bar may have been on the floor for young Spencer, but you were perfect to him. Eventually, he was able to look you in the eyes when you spoke to one another, he even smiled at you when you joked with him. That was another thing: you joked with one another now. You both warmed up to one another as your sessions continued. You said hi to each other in the hallways, you ruffled his hair as a greeting, he accepted your high-five requests every time you got something right.
You still didn’t talk outside of class much, which is why he was caught so far off guard by you calling his name from across the cafeteria as you approached his table.
“Hey, dude! Is it cool if we squeeze in an extra session today? I got a test tomorrow.”
“Y-Yeah, no problem, but, uh, it’s Thursday. Don’t you have practice after school?”
You did. And you had to be there because you had a competition this weekend.
“Yeah, I was wondering if we could meet after?”
“When does it end?”
“Five.”
“Library closes at four.”
“I know, but would it be too much of a hassle if I just… Pick you up tonight and we head back to my house to study?”
You could physically see his brain shut down in his eyes. After he realized he needed to respond, he picked his jaw up off the floor and gulped hard.
“Or you can stay after and hang out at practice and I can just drive you home?”
“Y-Yeah, um, yeah, tha-that works, I can, uh, yeah, we can do that.”
Spencer brought his books and homework and tried his hardest to not make it obvious he was staring at you while you danced. You looked like you were having so much fun and he loved seeing you happy and smiling with your friends like that, it was hard for him to look away and focus long enough to read a sentence, which is saying something, considering it does not take him long to read a sentence.
After practice wrapped up, you told him to go wait by your car while you changed out of your uniform. The girls in the locker room were talking just as loudly as always, only this time, it was about something you actually cared about hearing.
“I mean, really, what was that little creep doing watching us today?” You heard one girl sneer.
“So fucking gross, I don’t wanna know where his prepubescent head was.” Another girl laughed.
You had to step in. You had to say something.
“I’m his ride home. He’s my chemistry tutor and I have a test tomorrow, so back off the kid, he didn’t do shit to you anyway.”
The squad learned to watch their mouths around you after that.
~~~
The neon glow of the golden arches shone through your car’s windows as you pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru line.
“This isn’t your house,” noted Spencer, sounding confused.
You grinned, “Oh, shit… no way! Wow! I’m so glad my tutor is a genius! I would have never guessed this was not my family home!”
He let himself laugh for a moment, “Okay, okay, fine. Why are we here?”
“Uh… to get food? Duh.”
“But what about your food at home?”
“My mom’s visiting my dad, he works in D.C., and I haven’t gotten a chance to go grocery shopping this week, so I can’t cook for you. What do you want?”
“You don’t have to get me anything.”
“No, I insist, it’s almost dinner time. Lemme get you something. As a thank you for squeezing in an extra cramming sesh?”
“It’s fine! Really.”
“Hey, Reid, come on,” you attempt to stifle a stupid giggle as you gesture to the rather large window displaying the playroom inside, “you are a guest in my home!”
Spencer shakes his head and chuckles, but doesn’t dare let you think he found you funny, “I’ll have chicken nuggets.”
“Happy meal?”
He tried to look offended at your clarification, but he quickly dropped the facade, “Yes. Extra fries, please.”
“Of course, buddy.” You pulled up further to the ordering station, catching a glimpse at the menu and the ads they had displayed on it, “Oh no way! They have Strawberry Shortcake toys! I used to collect those when I was a kid!”
Spencer saw the look on your face and couldn’t help but smile at your childlike excitement, “Do you want my happy meal toy?”
You bit your lip and hesitated before throwing all shame to the wind and saying yes. Because it was Spencer. He got excited over chemistry, he had no right to judge you on your old Strawberry Shortcake doll collection.
After you got your food, you drove back to your house, and you ate together at your kitchen island while Spencer quizzed you on the last chapter. He had asked you eighteen questions so far, and you had answered all of them correctly.
“Okay, this last one is for the Strawberry Shortcake--”
“Her name is Orange Blossom.”
“Whatever, this last one is for the Orange Blossom toy: Which type of reaction is represented by this equation?” He showed you his notebook where he had written a molecular equation.
“Substitution.”
“Correct! Now balance it.”
Your shoulders slouched as the pride drained from your body.
“Please don’t make me.”
“This is going to be on the test, Y/N, you have to know it.”
“What’s one wrong question, really?”
“You and I both know she’s not going to put just one balancing question on the test.”
“Fine.” You grumbled, grabbing a pencil and sliding his notebook closer to you. You worked it out after a few minutes, but everything looked right, and judging by Spencer’s proud grin, everything was.
He reached for the figurine, still in the plastic bag, and handed it to you, “You’re gonna do great tomorrow, Y/N.”
You took Orange Blossom from his hands and danced around the kitchen with it, overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of confidence you gained from nailing this practice session. You heard Spencer’s small laugh from behind you, causing you to turn around and face the boy as he lovingly mocked you.
Studying at your place became a regular thing after that, even when your mom was home. She loved him. She always invited him for dinner if she was home. He rarely took her up on the offer, but it was nice having him around the house with you. Study sessions turned into just plain hanging out. You spent more time bonding over Doctor Who than chemistry some nights, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
~~~
When Alexa Lisben invited him to meet her at the football field you were skeptical. You had good reason to be. She was never very nice to you or Spencer. You were able to be civil with her for the sake of the cheerleading squad, but something about her just didn’t sit right with you. You tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen. He seemed offended at the notion that Alexa would do something horrible to him. How dare you imply that the only reason someone would be interested in him would be to pull a fucked up prank?
“I’m not like you, Y/N, I don’t have a line of people waiting around for a date, no one’s ever had a crush on me before, and-and now that someone other than you is being nice to me, you’re telling me that they have some sort of ulterior motive?”
“Spencer. I know these girls, I’ve seen the guys they go for--”
“And I’m not like them?”
“No! You’re a sweet kid, you’re nothing like those guys and they’re gonna take advantage of that.”
“I really wish everyone would stop saying I’m just a kid!”
“You’re not! That came out wrong--”
“Listen, Y/N, I’m going whether you want me to or not, so if you really want to keep babying me, by all means, stay after and wait with me.”
“I don’t wanna baby you!”
“So stop it!”
You didn’t want to fight with him anymore, you weren’t his mother. “Ok, Spencer, fine. I’m sorry. You should go. How about you meet me in the library after and you can tell me all about it over McDonald’s? My treat.”
He warmed up and agreed.
So you waited in the library until four, and then you started to get worried. You went to grab something from your gym locker before you left to look for him and heard some girls from the squad gossiping about “the little dork.” Your blood started to boil as you heard the way they talked about Spencer. Your jaw only clenched harder as you recognized one of the girls’ voices as Alexa Lisben’s.
You poked your head around the lockers that divided the aisles and tried to manage a calm voice, “Hey Alexa? Spencer actually said he was meeting up with you today, do you know where he is?”
She just laughed and said, “I can’t believe you actually care about that loser.”
“He’s my friend.” All attempts to remain level-headed were tossed aside, “Where the fuck is he, what did you do to him?”
You could feel yourself starting to cry. It’s your fault, you weren’t there, you tried to warn him, but now you don’t know where he is or what he’s thinking or--
“Check the field.”
You sprinted out to the football field and saw him stripped down to his briefs, blindfolded, and tied to a goal post. You could kill Alexa. You actually considered turning right around and unleashing hell on that locker room, but your friend needed help. He was crying so hard he didn’t hear you coming until you called his name. You immediately went to untie him and grab his clothes from the fence beside him.
“You were right.” He sniffled, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, I’m not mad, I’m sorry, I should have been there, I could have helped you--”
“No, you couldn’t. There were too many people.”
“How many were there? Who did this?”
“Y/N, please--”
“No, Spencer, tell me what happened.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it!”
You know when to stop, so you just shut your mouth while he got dressed, “Get in the car, I’m taking you home.”
You didn’t say a word to him as he buckled his seatbelt and you could tell he appreciated it. You just drove to McDonald’s and got him his usual. You parked in the parking lot and ate your food in almost silence, save for the radio in the background.
“You don’t have to tell me what exactly happened, you could pretend none of this ever happened, I won’t mind, it’s okay, but I just need you to know, Spencer, say the word and she’s dead. I have so much dirt on her, you have no idea, I can destroy her.”
“Don’t.”
“Okay, I won’t. At least give me names. I will personally make sure none of those boys ever get a date again.”
“Y/N, please.”
“I’m serious, I’ll tell everyone they have herpes.”
“I know you are and that’s what scares me, please don’t, I don’t wanna make things worse.”
You decide to drop it because if he doesn’t wanna talk about it, he needs a distraction.
After you finish your food, you ask him “Your house or mine?”
“Yours. Please.”
You drove back to your house and got yourselves set up on the couch in front of the TV, turning on an episode of Doctor Who that you had recorded. You made him popcorn as he curled up on your couch, clutching a pillow. You were mostly quiet for the rest of the night, but when you did talk, it was to ask him a question about the show or if any of the science was accurate. It was the best you could do to keep him mind off things. Eventually, he fell asleep and you felt too bad to wake him. He got up by himself around midnight, jolting awake as if from a nightmare, and considering how the last few hours had been for him, it probably was one.
“Hey, bud, I’m here, it’s me.” You didn’t touch him, knowing he got overstimulated sometimes when he got really stressed, but he felt around for you on the couch next to him, needing to know you were really there this time. You patted his hand when it reached across the cushion for you.
“What time is it?”
“Way too late for you to be here, let’s get you home.”
He nodded, slowly rising to his feet and looking for his backpack, which you reminded him he had left in the car. Your hand hovered above his head for a moment before he lazily drifted into you as he walked. You took this as an okay to touch him, so you ruffled his hair before loosely slinging an arm around his shoulders as you guided him to your car.
The drive back to Spencer’s wasn’t too long, thankfully, because you were sure his parents would be furious with him and the kid’s been through enough today. You wanted to take all the heat without making them think you kidnapped him. The lights were still on when you pulled into the driveway. They were probably worried sick about him.
When you knocked on the door, a frantic woman with short blonde hair opened it. When she saw Spencer, she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the house, never breaking eye contact with you.
“Who are you? What are you doing with my son?”
“He didn’t do anything wrong, Mrs. Reid. I’m Y/N, he’s been tutoring me.”
“How do you know me? Spencer, what did you tell her?” She looked at him and back at you, “Get off my property and stay away from us!”
“Mom, she’s a fr--”
“Go up to your room, don’t come out.” She didn’t sound like an angry parent reprimanding her son, she sounded almost... scared.
A million alarms were going off in your head, and you needed to try to get through to her, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, he was helping me study and we lost track of time, it’s not his fault.”
“I don’t care, I don’t know you, get off my property!”
You decided it was best not to argue, so you hurried back to your car and drove home as quickly as possible so you could shower and go to bed and pray that Spencer would be okay tonight.
~~~
Your phone rang early the next morning. You rolled out of bed to answer it, sprinting to the hall table to take it off the stand. Checking the caller ID, you realized it was from a number you didn’t recognize. Answering it, you heard Spencer’s voice on the other side.
“Hello, this is Spencer, is Y/N home?”
“Yes, you woke me up on a Saturday morning, where else am I gonna be, kid?” Your voice was scratchy as you struggled to fight off the sleep still clawing at your throat.
“Sorry about that. I was just calling to apologize for last night.”
“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”
“N-No, I’m not in trouble, I just wanted to explain why my mother was all--”
“She was worried, I get it.”
“N- she… My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, she doesn’t do well with strangers. She doesn’t even remember what she said to you last night, she was having one of her episodes. She was just confused.”
You didn’t know how to respond. You were so shocked by his sudden revelations, you just stayed silent. You didn’t want him to think he scared you, so you had to say something. And apparently, that something was “Oh.”
“She wanted to apologize, but she’s just a bit embarrassed, so I called for her.”
“N-No, it’s okay, I…” It was suddenly so hard to say you understood because while it made sense to you, you wouldn’t fully understand what he or his mom was going through, you didn’t understand it, but Spencer didn’t seem to mind. He was just glad it didn’t bother you. After the events of yesterday, he couldn’t afford to lose you.
“Tell her I’m sorry I scared her.”
“Will do. She said you could come over so she could apologize personally and meet her if you want.”
“I’d love to. And Spence?”
You felt him take pause. You never called him that before, “Yeah?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t wanna scare you.”
“You wouldn’t scare me, dude, you can tell me anything.”
“Really?”
“I promise. I’ll see you Monday?”
Spencer nodded, but you couldn’t see him, so he spoke up through the lump in his throat, “See you Monday.”
Taglist ~~~~~~
(Lmk if you wanna be added!!)
@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @baby-pogue @rottenearly
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#mgg#mgg fanfiction#mgg x reader#mgg smut#matthew gray gubler#matthew gray gubler fanfiction#matthew gray gubler x reader#matthew gray gubler imagine#criminal minds#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fanfiction#cm#cm fan fiction#cm imagine
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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25
I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!
...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)
So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????
Yeah, probably.
Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(
> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair
Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?
Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.
Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.
When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.
You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.
He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.
Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?
> (==>)
Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.
> (==>)
Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?
ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?
Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)
ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered
YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT
ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin
Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.
JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.
Hah.
JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.
Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~
> (==>)
EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--
ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.
Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room
Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC
Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap
John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?
I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU
> (==>)
Yea this seems like a fucc room.
JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there
So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”
ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good
Ah geez.
ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!
Well, that’ll buff out easy.
ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.
Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)
Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.
That would be the feeling.
> (==>)
MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit
She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it
JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--
So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.
> (==>)
ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.
OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:
ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting
boot knockin XD
ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.
Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.
Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)
John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?
Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.
He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.
Just put your feet up yeah
> (==>)
WHAT A CUTE IMAGE
JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud
she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far
ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened
Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)
ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"
Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john
JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.
I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.
ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.
Oh shit
ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep
Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?
ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on
It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little
ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences
OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement
ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind
Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?
First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,
Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.
This feels stupid.
ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit
Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.
You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?
ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?
Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.
> (==>)
JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here
THANK FUCKING CHRIST.
If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.
ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good
Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it
ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push
eyeroll, but yeah, of course
> (==>)
Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.
> (==>)
Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????
That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or
ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean
Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)
JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me
I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.
> (==>)
JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^
Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.
> (==>)
THEY’RE SO CUTE
JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u
Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).
CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.
Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?
CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^
Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~
JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.
Uh oh.
Hopefully babies aren’t involved.
JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.
Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?
JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.
Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.
CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)
And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.
CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):
Yeah shake him out of this shit.
ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u
Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.
CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)
This is all gold
ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.
Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.
CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!
No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?
CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.
What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.
CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!
So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?
JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.
Um, what?
CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...
No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).
CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.
Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?
ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)
Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.
JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol
YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK
ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.
..............................
OOooooh, kay.
Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!
They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.
ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?
Love with who? Callie, John, both?
In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.
Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.
> (==>)
Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????
Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.
JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska
No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.
JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!
How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.
Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.
#Homestuck#hs2#Homestuck Liveblog#upd8#Homestuck^2#spoiler#spoilers#Roxy Lalonde#John Egbert#Calliope
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Hell Yeah
Request: could you... maybe... do a josie x murphy fic??? i wont make you write a fic without murphy lol but indulge me please. ooo maybe like a seduction fic where josie tries to kinda seduce him into helping her??? not like dirty seduction but just. you get the idea
if you dont wanna do it thats fine i realize this is very vague but meh
thanks love you <33
A/N: Yay!!! Okay, this was SO SO SO fun!! I have a new favorite dynamic! lol I don’t know if this fits your prompt exactly, but there is seduction, flirting, etc? so I hope its good? Love you too <3
Setting: Season 6
Warnings: Things get pretty suggestive and kinda sexual tension-y, though nothing explicit is shown. Cussing, and mild mentions of past trauma (hanging and torture)
Word Count: 1,451
~~~
"John, think. Use that big brain of yours." She says, her voice filled with something that Clarke's never is. Murphy thinks for a few minutes, before realizing quickly.
"You're not Clarke..." He says softly, his voice filled with uncertainty. Not-Clarke smiles.
"Bingo." She says, and points to a picture on the wall. It's Josephine Lightbourne, and Murphy's stomach drops.
"Is she dead?" Murphy asks, looking from the picture back to her.
"Yup. Dead, gone, deceased, expired, whatever you'd like to call it." Josie says, twirling her hair with her finger.
"What do you want from me?" Murphy asks softly and Josephine smiles.
"I need help. I need to pretend to be Clarke, but I don't know enough. I feel like you can help me." Josephine says. Murphy tilts his head to the side and scoffs.
"Why would I help you? You killed my friend." Murphy says, and Josephine rolls her eyes.
"I'll give you something in return." Josephine promises, and Murphy's interest peaks.
"What did you have in mind?" Murphy asks, and Josephine smirks.
"Mind drive. You could live forever. Hell, I'll even throw in a second one. You can pick anyone you want to live with you forever." Josephine says, her voice confident. Murphy thinks about it for a moment. Is he ready to trick his friends, his family, to simply live forever. He's tempted to say no, but then he thinks about what he saw when he died. The Hell he saw. He can't do that. He can't go there. He looks up at Josephine and takes a deep breath.
"I'm in."
An hour later, Murphy and Josephine have moved to a her room. They're sitting on the bed, and going through everything Clarke does, and everything Josephine does, and what not to do. The first thing Murphy did was explain that Clarke never calls him John. Another thing that he makes sure to do is tell her that Clarke never twists her hair.
"She cares a lot about her people. Every decision she makes is based on if it will be good for us or not." Murphy says and Josephine nods. Fair enough, She can understand that. She'd probably do anything for her parents. She stares at Murphy for a moment before bringing her hand down to his thigh. Murphy likes it. It grounds him as he speaks.
"She has... Had been through a lot, Josie." Murphy says, not even thinking about the nickname. Josephine smirks at the nickname. Murphy looks at her confused.
"Have you?" She asks, and Murphy makes a confused face.
"Have I what?" Murphy asks.
"Have you gone through a lot?" Josephine asks, reaching up and messing with her hair. At first, Murphy had found it annoying, but after and hour of it, it seems kind of cute. Murphy thinks about the question, and he remembers back to the hanging, the torture, and everything else.
"I guess so yeah... I've had to learn to survive through things." Murphy says, his voice lowering. Josephine sighs softly.
"Well, After this you won't have to. You can live forever." Josephine says, and Murphy's lip quirks up. He can.
"Living forever doesn't mean less bad happens, it just means more bad can happen over time." Murphy says, and Josephine seems to think for a minute.
"Yeah, but you'd be here. You wouldn't have to deal with that." Josephine says, trying to make it so Murphy keeps the goal in mind. He needs to know it's worth it. Murphy nods and looks down at Josie's hand.
"What else do you need to know?" He asks, blatantly not mentioning it. Josie smiles and hums.
"What does Clarke think of you?" Josephine asks, looking back at Murphy's face. He's attractive, she can't lie. The way his lips quirk up in his half smile, the way his hair sticks up everywhere. Murphy frowns.
"It's complicated. We had a rough past." Murphy says and Josephine nods. "I don't even know if she'd call me a friend or not. We were always angry at each other. I never forgave her for things in our past, even though she forgave me." Murphy says, his voice getting low.
"And now she's dead." Josephine says bluntly, and Murphy scoffs.
"Yeah. Dead." Murphy responds. Josephine sighs at the sadness in the room. She has never understood how to comfort people who are sad. It probably comes from never really caring about how other people felt. But something about Murphy made her feel something. She doesn't want to see him sad.
"Listen, It's over now. Clarke is gone. You lost your chance, but do you really want this new opportunity to be wasted? You could be like me. We could live forever." Josephine says, and she doesn't know why she said 'we'. Murphy smiles softly and thinks for a few minutes.
"What comes with it?" Murphy asks, and Josephine smiles.
"Everyone looks to you like you're a god. Nobody would disrespect you, underestimate you, or make you feel worthless ever again." Josephine says. Murphy nods. It's perfect. A way to stay alive and finally feel worth something.
"I can tell you one thing, you can't flirt with me in public. This?" He says putting his hand over Josephine's hand. "Won't go well. Clarke and Bellamy have had heart eyes for each other for a couple years now. Even if they don't know it themselves yet." Murphy explains and Josephine pouts.
"But I like touching you." Josephine says, smirking. Murphy doesn't know how to feel about that. He knows he should take it as a compliment, the idea of a girl liking to touch him should make him excited. But he's hesitant. It may be Josephine touching his thigh, and squeezing ti every once in a while, but It's Clarke's hand. He had never really let himself think about Clarke. He knows he could have thought about her, and he's honestly surprised he never did. Maybe it was their past, or maybe it was that he always assumed she and Bellamy would hook up one day.
Now that's not possible. Clarke is dead. This Isn't Clarke. This is Josephine, a girl who is offering him forever to live. A girl who likes touching him in ways he's only ever dreamed of. She squeezes his thigh and Murphy shakes his head. He can't. He gets up off the bed and stands a few feet away.
"Should we? I mean, wouldn't your father kill me or something?" Murphy asks, and Josephine laughs.
"He doesn't care. As long as I'm safe, and I'm not going around and having sex with everybody, it's fine." Josephine says, standing up. Murphy watches her move closer, and It's easier to see she's not Clarke. Even the way she walks is different. It's so different that the only think that seems like Clarke about her is her face. And even that is different, Clarke never looked at him like that.
"I just don't want anything to happen. If I'm going to get a mind drive, I need to be able to survive that long. I can't risk anything." Murphy says softly. Josephine steps right in front of him and looks up.
"You don't want me?" She asks, and just by the way Murphy's head tilts and how he bites his lip tells her exactly what she needs to know. "So you do. Are you willing to throw that away because what... Because my dad might be angry? Do you know how many times I've made him angry in all of our years? Hundreds of times. Nothing ever happens. So if that really is your problem, let it go." Josephine says, and Murphy almost gives in. He almost lets himself be enchanted by the way Josephine looks at him.
"What if-." Murphy says, and Josephine sighs.
"Stop. What If's only cause more issues. You already have enough as it is You really think I'm going to let my dad stand in the way of us having fun?" Josephine asks and Murphy sighs softly.
"Not really." Murphy admits.
"Exactly. You know how I act. He can't control me. And I certainly wont let you helping me be unpaid. You will get those mind drives, and yo will live forever. I'll make sure of it. I don't back down from Deals."
"You're right." Murphy says, and he realizes he means that.
"I'm always right. If you're going to be living here forever you should learn that real quick." Josephine says, smirking. Josephine grabs Murphy's hand and pulls him back towards the bed, sitting him down.
"So, John. What about we have some fun?" She asks, straddling his lap and smirking down at him, and Murphy smirks up at her.
"Hell yeah."
#ry.original#the 100#john murphy#josephine lightbourne#the100#t100#murphine#josephine x murphy#this was so fun oh m gosh#reblogs > likes#idk what else to tag this as!#the 100 fic#?
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CHOJI, SHIKAMARU, LEE, GAARA & HINATA!! ITS A LOT IM SORRY
THANK U FOR THIS...admittedly some answers may be a lil short just so i can like. Get to them all.
EDIT: IDK WHY IT LOOKS LIKE THIS. IM SO TIRED. IM SORRY ITS JUST A LONGASS NARUTO POST ON YOUR DASH I TRIED MY FUCKIN BEST YALL
SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;
Chouji (man i’ve seen it spelled both ways and i’m just used to typing Chouji at this point sorry)
Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual!! Gender Headcanon: Cis male A ship I have with said character: SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARUUUU, my god...just, everything about their dynamic makes my heart melt, the way they’re both people who are easily dismissed by others and how they have such UNFALTERING FAITH in each other. chouji knows how much of a genius shikamaru is, knows very well the fact that despite his laziness, once he commits to something he’s in it for the LONG HAUL, the way shikamaru just believes so steadfastly in chouji, considering him stronger than NEJI FOR FUCKS SAKE...they like. get one another, the kind of relationship where you can be yakking away one minute and then just sitting in contented silence the next. they can just laze around. maybe play video games and snack. and sometimes...kiss. and it’s so chill even with that latent tenderness their later relationship develops and they both just feel so safe and KNOWN and familiar like. love your best friend. anyway everyone slept on shikacho and y’all should be ashamed the naruto fandom is enormous and finding pretty much ANY content for it is almost impossible aside from the small (if lovely and amazing) tag and i’m pretty hyperfixated on it if you couldn’t tell holy SHIT. A BROTP I have with said character: i’m really not a fan of ino taking potshots at him for his weight and outright shaming him, but once she grows out of that i absolutely love their friendship. listen, you know that post thats like--hold on
thats just them, thanks. A NOTP I have with said character: i have nothing against karui but canon is fucking dead to me and my opinions on p much all the “endgame” ships range from utterly neutral to absolute loathing. their relationship is on neither end of the spectrum, but. eh. definitely not into it. A random headcanon: he keeps nursing injured animals back to health because he’s just that fucking sweet and bringing them back to his house to keep them warm and safe while they recover and his team knows vaguely about this and ino and shikamaru like to poke fun at him for it but since they don’t tend to encounter said animals, it’s not really a huge deal.
of course they stop by his house one day bc he hadn’t shown up for training which is annoying and frankly a little concerning and finding the house mostly empty ino just bursts on into chouji’s room only to immediately have the opossum he’s been caring for latch its little paws on her face and cling.
it’s a bad morning. General Opinion over said character: literally one of my absolute favorites of all time and it really breaks my heart how overlooked he is in the fandom (seriously y’all...). i think kishimoto is kind of a stupid hack and the Fat Jokes are really grating and it sucks to see that so intrinsically tied to his character (like. just let him be fat. jesus christ) but his kindness and overall relaxed, loyal and lovable nature has me just melting. i adore him.
Shikamaru
Sexuality Headcanon: He’s gay, scoob. (I could also talk a lot about how his earlier misogyny is both a product of being a whiny tween and also some internalized frustration of like WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT GIRLS. UGH. I DONT. STOP TELLING ME IM GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE ONE DAY DAD JESUS. and let’s be real, thats frustrating, even if it aint an excuse) Gender Headcanon: he uses he/him pronouns because it’s just what he’s used to and comfortable with but man gender is such a drag... A ship I have with said character: SEE ABOVE SHIKACHO RANT A BROTP I have with said character: naruto! he and naruto have a really adorable friendship and i love love LOVE that he and chouji were shown to be kind and accepting of him even when most people were shunning him. also he’s so fucking dumb i love seeing shikamaru meticulously plan out something only to have naruto shriek into battle and ruin all of it. love those guys. stupid bros. A NOTP I have with said character: ok. im sorry i just. loathe sh*katema i really do. i haaaate the way kishimoto writes this whole “ew a GIRL” “ew a MAN” vibe with the like OOOH BUT THEYRE GONNA LIKE EACH OTHER vibe like.
don’t get me wrong i adore them as friends, i think they’re fantastic scathing and witty pals who bitch about anything and everything including each other
but they’re also both gay and kishimoto can suck my nuts byeeee A random headcanon: sometimes pakkun just fucking Shows up and chills with him. shikamaru wants absolutely no part of this but is way too lazy to like. do anything about it so it’s just this guy and a dog sitting in a field chillin and occasionally him piping up like ‘hey kid. remember when i bit your hand? yeah? haha, man time sure does fly.” while shikamaru is just. go aWAY. General Opinion over said character: if you told 9 year old me watching naruto for the first time my favs were gonna be a three way tie of lee, shikamaru and chouji i never would have fucking believed you but here we are. i love him. i absolutely love him. he’s such a whiny bastard and a really good depiction of burnout genius who doesnt want to do ANYTHING, but his intellect is an absolute DELIGHT to watch. i love him very much.
Lee
Sexuality Headcanon: he’s pan!! this is a boy that crushes easily and crushes hard on just about anyone!!!! Gender Headcanon: cis male A ship I have with said character: ok i ship him a lot with neji actually? what with how neji grows during the course of the series to regard lee with the respect he deserves is really sweet and there’s just something so infinitely adorable about him going around being the hammiest, most ridiculously earnest, kind and enthusiastic person and neji, now that he isn’t constantly bitter and angry at the world can finally really see that? lee is always happily dropkicking his way into his life, like he wouldn’t have it any other way, and i think that’s just...so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: SAKURAAAAA. oh my GOD do i adore their relationship. ever since lee saved her and basically just gave her a glimpse of his...lee-ness, the fact her negative opinion of him IMMEDIATELY flipped and gave her such a strong admiration and fondness for him kills me DEAD. she always treats him with so much respect and the fact she’s quick to rag on anyone making fun of him melts my HEART!! and on lee’s side, his little crush on her is adorable of course, but the sheer strength of the friendship that comes from it is more than infatuation could ever offer him. i want them to hang out together and talk about their troubles...i want them to make each other laugh and be so very kind to each other...i want sakura to storm over and throw him over her shoulder to TAKE A BREAK ALREADY when he’s been training too hard for too long. god. A NOTP I have with said character: honestly i’m pretty happy with a lot of lee ships! the only ones i view with obvious disdain are the ones with creepy age gaps honestly. A random headcanon: out of everyone in the leaf genin, he’s probably the closest anyone’s ever come to someone who EVERYONE is at least distantly friendly towards. like god have you SEEN how warm and inviting and concerned he is the SECOND he sees that naruto is feeling down? i get the sense he’s immediately inclined to provide that kind of support to any of his comrades, even the ones that Resist it.
you think sasuke is the most popular among the leaf genin? puh-LEASE. everyone looks on rock lee with at least a LITTLE bit of warmth. thats just fact. General Opinion over said character: since my first viewing of naruto he has been my Absolute fav, and while chouji and shikamaru are veeery close to stealing that spot, one look at him and i feel he’s gonna be on top forever. probably the best written character kishimoto’s ever produced that’s remained in the main cast (tho i dont speak for shipudden onwards who fucking knows, but the truth of it is is i adore rock lee)
Gaara
Sexuality Headcanon: Panromantic Asexual Gender Headcanon: kind of like shikamaru, i feel like he uses he/him pronouns but also doesn’t particularly....Care? A ship I have with said character: ok so it wasnt until my naruto rewatch that i really started falling into this but i think him and naruto are super cute? while i loathe kishimoto for ruining so much abt this show he really is good at creating good foils to naruto, and gaara is no exception--and the way naruto changes his life by just kicking his ass (and proving he’s not just a Simp or smth) and then just, extending genuine empathy and a REAL sense of truly relating to where he’s coming from re:his upbringing? the EFFECT it has on him, bro!!!! my god!!! i feel like they’re that opposites attract ship that don’t clash constantly but instead fall into this adorable synergy and understanding? and i think thats so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: ...is it cheating to just put temari and kankuro here? bc they are literally his siblings but my GOD do i love their relationship. there’s something so deeply sad about their initial situation??? like having siblings that either are deeply fucking afraid of you or clearly don’t care for your well being whatsoever, it’s such a tragic scenario, and the times where they really do show legitimate care for gaara just breaks my heart...but the GROWTH. THE DEVELOPMENT. THE HEALING. i love the sand siblings so much, i am a STRONG advocate of seeing the development from estranged family to loving, occasionally bickering siblings who absolutely Love Each Other A NOTP I have with said character: uhhhh same with lee in that i don’t really mind most of the ships i’ve seen him in? while i don’t particularly ship gaalee i think its also Very Cute, and really it all just seems pretty valid as long as people aren’t being creepy? A random headcanon: i’ve been wracking my brain for one for a good 20 minutes and i just don’t have one he’s such a mystery to me/????? i love him but he is an enigma?? General Opinion over said character: oh my god he’s such an edgelord in the beginning. i’ve been doing a lot of this naruto rewatch with my friend @drashseed (a simply phenomenal fella 10/10 follow him) and every single time he talked the only valid response just became “ok gaara”
but his backstory? utterly HEARTWRENCHING. and his growth is just. absolutely divine, i adore him. thank you mister sandman for doing so much for us all.
Hinata
Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual Gender Headcanon: cis woman A ship I have with said character: listen. i think kibahina is........Really Really cute. he cares about her so MUCH??? and there’s a certain tenderness to his interactions with her that’s just really evident whenever you see em together? i really love that you get the sense hinata is COMFORTABLE around him!!! like! i feel like hinata really deserves to have a partner who sees her when she ISN’T blushing and stammering? when she’s like? legitimately comfortable and being HERSELF? (dgmw the blushing is adorable i fucking love her but its one of the gripes i have with naruhina that so much of it is just naruto being oblivious and her having a small panic attack) the comfort she and kiba have make for a chill, adorable relationship i just cry over constantly A BROTP I have with said character: so i was GONNA put naruto here, but technically i already put him there for shikamaru’s so i’m gonna say neji!!! uhhh OBVIOUSLY they got off to a. very rough start but the way their dynamic changed (or perhaps in a way reverted back to the times they interacted before neji’s father died and temporarily killed his Human Decency) into this respect and fondness that’s just...such a delight to watch? i’m a SUCKER for slow and mutual reconciliation and there are just so many sweet moments between them. they are FAMILY, BRO!!! THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, BRO!!!!!!!!!! A NOTP I have with said character: ...at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i think a lot of hinata ships are quite cute? i guess i’m gonna have to say sasuke. because like.
has. he ever even looked at her. please. jesus christ. she deserves so much better. A random headcanon: she is a LOT physically stronger than she looks!! a lot of her combat techniques rely on taijustu after all so it’d make sense that she puts a lot of effort into physical training alongside chakra control.
i’m trying to say she’s strong. not as strong as sakura but. she can lift her bf up over her head (he’s dying hes dying he’s dYING he lOVES HER SO MUCH). it’s pretty fuckign badass
General Opinion over said character: i LOVE her??? honest to god i really really do--honestly while i dislike the direction they went in canon with her, i really loved seeing her be motivated to grow and change the parts of herself she hated to become a stronger person.
that and she’s so fucking cute and sweet and i just??????? bless her honestly.
#naruto#shikacho#narugaa#nejilee#kibahina#they speak#i cant tag everyone fuck#is this formatting fucked up? i can't tell it wouldnt post before#long post
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Heres a wip of a sequel.
Dmviolence, by jade
Hello, if youre hearing this, it probably means im dead. Either that, or im alive and just got tired of keeping this hidden. You might remember my voice from a previous recording about a takeover in sector ⬽:➻, in which id helped prevent total annihilation of the sector. At the time i was unnamed, however now you may call me Kalton. After the takeover i resigned and moved to a job at a dmv. This planet was, for some reason, in one of the most tactically advantageous locations in the galaxy. And for some reason the higher ups dedicated the whole damn planet to dmvs. Dont ask why. Now, onto the story.
I woke up, and i put on my emerald green contact lenses. Just like any other day. I put on a basic white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. If you cant tell by now, im gay.
I live in a small apartment. By small apartment i mean a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen all crammed into 2 rooms. I hopped out the bedroom window onto my motorcycle. It was a diamond white motorcycle with deep red stripes along the sides and the handlebars. My pride and joy. I put on my jet black helmet and took off towards my job at the, you guessed it, dmv.
Chapter 2
I pulled up in the parking lot and took off my helmet, my blue hair a total rats nest. The doors were push doors, yet i somehow ALWAYS pulled first. I entered the dmv and went to my station. A few hours passed by and no one had come in yet, which was unusual. So naturally i decided to sit down on the floor, put in my earbuds, and enjoyed some heavy metal. A few more hours passed by, and usually by now i wouldve been yelled at by my boss. This struck me as odd so i stood up. I really wish i hadnt stood up. The place had been completely destroyed. There were drop pods crashed in through the roof and they all had the ERGON logo on them. Ergon was a multi trillion dollar pencil manufacturing company with its own military. They had previously tried to take over sector ⬽:➻ when i had been working there. I was not looking forwards to what was about to happen.
Quickly, i ducked back onto the floor before anyone saw me. There were 4 riot soldiers holding this building. This was gonna be fun. The riot soldiers are your stereotypical riot gear and police baton soldiers. But these guys had laser batons and the riot gear gave them heightened strength and speed. They also had some, dare I say, shitty energy pistols. I crawled over to one of the soldiers who wasnt being watched and broke their neck. Carefully I took the baton and the pistol. Slowly crawled my way back to my station and checked the shot count in the pistol. I had 6 shots, just enough to take care of the remaining three soldiers. I stood up quickly and shot each soldier twice in the head. First shot to open the riot helmet, second shot to kill. I vaulted over the counter and grabbed the three pistols. These things were so stupid. You couldnt even remove the clips. Once you ran out of shots, the pistol was useless. Nonetheless, i didnt have any choice. I had a laser baton and 18 total shots in 3 pistols.
Upon leaving the building, my motorcycle was one of the few things to survive. It had alot of scratches and damage, but it still worked. The helmet was shattered however. I mounted the motorcycle and took off towards the next closest dmv. Maybe id find some better gear there.
Chapter 3
Pulling up next to the second dmv i immediately noticed 3 things. 1: there was blood everywhere. 2: there were 25 soldiers here. And 3: they all had energy weapons. The reason these things are relevant is because energy weapons dont cause bloodshed. This was the result of something else. Something new i hadnt dealt with yet.
I drove up and ran over 5 of the soldiers. This was probably an incredibly bad idea, seeing as i had 18 shots, enough for 9 kills, and there were 20 soldiers left. Every single soldier turned to me and i, being the absolute genius that i am, welded the front of one of the pistols shut with the laser baton, shot it off, and threw it into thei crowd of soldiers. It exploded, releasing a shockwave of energy and disabling the soldiers. I then used the baton to cut through the riot gear and kill the soldiers. I felt like a badass. That is until a mechanical looking wolf jumped at me and started trying to rip my face off.
The wolf was a frostwolf, except it had been placed into a mechanical frame and its teeth and claws had been replaced with lasers. I tried to bash it off of me with the baton but it just bit it in two. This gave me just enough time to grab an energy pistol and shoot the wolf. It kept trying to kill me amd i wasted a whole clip on it until suddenly, the dog started to levitate in the air and got thrown aside into a wall. I got up and was instantly frozen in place. Thats when.. she walked up.
Chapter 4
The she i am reffering to is ebony. A goth/punk wannabe with light blue tear shaped eyes and black hair with purple streaks. Shes a bitch whos mind got too powerful and now she can move things without touching them. Shes been chasing me for months. Not in a murderous way. Shes just obsessed with me. Ive tried to tell her im gay but she wont listen. And now im at her mercy.
She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I hated it. She looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to free me when a pod came down from the sky and crushed her. Thank god. But i honestly wouldve rathered suffered at her hand than deal with what i had to deal with next...
Out of the pod came the warden. The goddamn warden from sector ⬽:➻. Last id seen him hed been in the same situation as ebony. Crushed to death under a pod. But this time, instead of being on my side, he was here to kill me. He was huge. Like seriously huge. He was at least 8 feet tall and shaped like gaston. Whos gaston? Nobody knows these days. But its basically a way to say "extremely buff and wide". Back to the story. The warden wasnt looking very good, considering the rotten skin, obviously quickly patched together face, and muscles hanging loose out of his skin. His rotting ruined body was held together by an exoskeleton of chromium-tungsten alloy. Nothing i had was gonna cut through that. I was gonna have to get creative here..
The warden had 2 weapons, both of them were his fists. Huge gauntlets that were each about the size of a cow. Definitely bigger than his previous set. They were a golden green metal i couldnt identify. But i didnt want to get hit with one to try and find out. I ran. I ran as fast i could run into the dmv and hid. I could hear the wardens footsteps. It was as if a small earthquake happened each time he took a step.
I peeked over the desk i was hiding behind and saw him punch through the 2 desks opposite to me. It took no effort and i couldve sworn i saw him smile. Obviously i didnt. Cause he didnt have a mouth anymore. But if he did, he definitely wouldve smiled. I took a shot to get his attention and ran off towards the wall. The warden was definitely faster than i expected.
Luckily i managed to dodge the blow by a centimeter. The metal smelled of decaying flesh and popcorn. The wardens blow punched a huge hole in the wall. I hope you see where im going with this.
I ran off to another wall and we repeated this same process a number of times until the building was barely still up. I ran out the doors and threw the baton at the last of the supports, cutting through it and causing the building to collapse in on the warden. He wasnt getting out of that. I decided to search the rubble to see if i could find anything worth taking. I found a new baton, a flame rifle and a few more energy pistols.
The flame rifle was a very interesting design. The sides were painted jet black with flame decals scattered about. You could feel the heat on the inside and it made the gun warm to the touch. Comfortable to hold. Other than that though, it looked like an old fashioned 8.59mm sniper rifle. It had 4 shots remaining, so id have to use it sparingly.
I grabbed some scrap materials out of the rubble to make a holster for it and put it on my back.
The energy pistols just dangled from a keychain. The baton was simply turned off and placed through a hole in the back pockets of my shorts. I ran to my motorcycle and drove off, i needed to find out more. I had questions, and i had a sneaking suspicion that i knew where to find the answers.
I drove off again, i was dirty and there was blood on me and my bike. I probably looked like a serial killer. But i knew that if anyone was still alive, itd be jayden. They were.. well. They were a vampire. They lived in a swampland area and wore sparkly rainbow shirts and a huge sunhat. The sunhat allowed them to go outside in the sun, and they only drank coconut water. They also had a crazy amount of weaponry and used to work at ergon, before being fired for stealing weaponry. By the way, if you havent noticed by now, im using they/them to refer to jayden. Jayden doesnt have a gender. Jayden.. is kind of my crush. It probably has something to do with the fact that theyre the only person on this planet who talks to me. Other than ebony.. but ebony is... not my type i guess. Anyways, back to jayden. Jayden was on the roof of their swamp shack drinking coconut water out of a wine glass. I yelled up at them and they fell off the roof onto my back. I guess i cushioned their fall. Jayden immediately said "What do you need dear" without waiting for me to stand up, and shattered the wine glass. I informed them of the situation and asked the questions i had. Things like "what are the ergon soldiers defences like on their ships" and "how did they reanimate the warden" they had answers.
Jayden told me about the new security measures that had been put in place since id last been on an ergon ship. There was now a code for each teleportation pod and the gaurds had doubled. As for the warden, it turns out jayden was actually the first test run in reanimation sciences, and couldnt answer me because they had been unconcious in a lab when the warden was reanimated. That explained the vampire undead thing. Jayden invited me into the shack where they pulled a nail out of the floorboards and it turned into a ramp to the basement. Down in the basement? Thats where jayden kept their weapons they stole. And boy oh boy were there some interesting ones.
One that immediately caught my attention was the big rocket launcher. It had 3 barrels and each was a different colour, indicating a different effect. One was red, one was yellow, and one was green. The red barrel fired a normal explosive rocket, the yellow barrel fired an electromagnetic pulse rocket, and the green barrel fired an acidic explosive. And the launcher shrunk down to the size of an energy pistol when a button was pressed. It gathered up dirt and dust and garbage around it from the back to quickly convert into ammo but the only downside is that it would be difficult to use more than once in an area.
Jayden picked out an old shotgun. At first i didnt understand why, but then they loaded the clip. The clip was a huge drum that loaded in the bottom of the barrel. The drum was see through and inside you could see sawblades lined up side by side. When they pumped the shotgun a blade got lifted into a slot between the 2 shotgun barrels and started glowing red. When the trigger was pulled, the blade spun at high speeds and fired out of the slot, spinning along the ground like a wheel. It could cut through anything a baton could cut through and seemed to almost follow its target. The gun itself looked like an DP-12, except behind the pump, a large clear drum full of sawblades was in place. The blade sat between the barrels in place of the iron sights and got heated up by an electrical circut.
I also took a laser sword instead of my baton, it was just like the one that [3825968] had, except this one was about an inch longer. The final weapon i took was an acid thrower. It was basically just a watergun with acid in it. Ive always been partial to acidic weapons. If youve heard my other story, youd know why..
Jayden also took a submachine gun that fired freezing rounds. The rounds were essentially glorified waterballoons with liquid nitrogen in them. Though the rounds were bullet sized, enough shots from it would certainly freeze you in place. The freeze gun was about the size of the average human head, and was painted navy blue with blue saphire stripes placed along it. We both left the shack, me with my sword and jayden with a wine glass. We were ready to kick ass and put a stop to this.
We left and immediately both got flung into some trees. Guess who it was. It was ebony. Her body had been found and reanimated. I was starting to see a pattern. And now we had to fight the telekinetic who could kill us with a wave of her hand.
She was levitating. Her eyes were glowing red and her hair was floating in the air. She had a smile of someone about to rip your arms off and beat you with them. I tried to take a shot at her but my hand got knocked aside by an invisible force. So i tried the next best thing. Seduction. Fake seduction. Hopefully the whole dying and coming back from the dead thing didnt make her stop being weirdly obsessed with me.
While i faked surrender and complimented ebony and attempted to seduce her, jayden took aim of their ice gun and shot a burst at ebonys right arm. The arm froze in place and shattered. Hopefully that would lower the strength of her telekinetic abilities. It did. But only by about half. Which meant jayden got thrown into the air as i tried to discreetly unholster my acid gun. It wasnt discreet enough and the gun was knocked from my hand.
The gun flew forwards and the impact of hitting the ground set it off for a second, just enough to spray an acidic burn through her arm. Incapacitating her. Jayden ended up sneaking up behind her and impaling her through the skull with the shattered end of their wine glass. Finally ebony was dead for good.
The acid gun was busted, so we had to leave it behind. We got onto my motorcycle and took off towards my apartment building. We would need food if we were going to be traveling. An apartment complex would probably be full of foods, and alot of dead people who wouldnt care if we took some stuff.
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pre-elimination thoughts
hello here is a compiled list of all the asks i woke up to this morning relating to the elimination ksdjfks please enjoy
If u see it from the pov of yn like actually that the person yn said “lets vote kook off after he shared his feelings and got provoked abt it” thats gonna hurt koo so much and he probably will completely shut himself off/ maybe even ask to leave the house if sora allows that?😳 and for yall b’s to vote him off!!! I’ll never forgive yall if sora announces that he got voted off fr fr!!!
Listen I’m not trying to be hateful but what did tae give us this week in comparison to JK??? Did he give us a whole scene? did he take the time to set up the gym into an exam room? Give us a sexy doctor moment?? No. He gave us some relatively mild puppy play which is fine!! But i mean compared to everyone else’s scene?? JK needs his moment, needs US on his side! Tae will still have jimin if he gets eliminated but koo needs a moment to shine! #byetae #savejk
I just remembered the elimination is based on sex...i voted the wrong person😞
why are people kicking off hoseok what did my man do
I’m gonna day this once. Vote koo out and I’m coming for kneecaps. There is so much potential there with the Maknae line. Listen hear me out the candidate that would hurt the least is hobi I know he was gonna get booted last week but like he’s the one that is the least emotionally attached to yn ya feel?! And also I feel like this opens up opportunities for him to dick down other members…. not naming names but *cough* jimin *cough* anyways that’s my tea if Jungkook is booted this week Readers …. I’m cracking my knuckles and we’re fucking throwing hands accept there won’t be a Seokjin and Yoongi to hold me back when I push y’all on a coffee table 😤😤🥱🥱👊🏾👊🏾
jimin may of instigated the fight, but jungkook threw the first punch and to me that’s a lot worse
the way it just took me five minutes to vote 💀 and 4 minutes and 55 seconds of those 5, i was just staring at my wall contemplating
Let's try and think with the few braincells we have left fam. Hoseok scenes are the most fun to read bc he is extremely confident and also one of the most experienced in the house. DON'T VOTE HIM OUT. A lot of the others could have a great storyline just hanging out in the house and creating sexual tension and drama. HOSEOK SHINES WHEN HE'S PERFORMING AND BEING A HARD ASS CONFINDENT SEXY DOM. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T VOTE HIM OUT JUST YET.
i swear to fucking god i y'all vote hoseok out i'm rioting
People out here fighting for who should get eliminated but I'm here cant even figure out who to vote for cause I love all of them so much,,,, BUT IF ANYONE EVEN COMES NEAR MY BABY JIMIN AND YOONGI AND KOO IM KILLING ON SIGHT -jimin slap me anon
Ngl y’all wish I could vote y/n out 😂😂😂 girl gets into a relationship on a porn show... with 2 guys she doesn’t really seem to even like that much in a romantic way. Idk I’m fine with vmin but I don’t like the poly :/ not because it’s poly just because it doesn’t make sense + it’s complicating a lot of shit. I love the story though so I’m gonna keep reading it I just don’t agree with the relationship. I don’t think she should have a relationship with any of them until the show is over
Aaah this chapter was so good but also a mess 😭 I literally don’t know who to choose, I would actually be the worst in such a situation because I hate making decisions like that! I‘m seeing all those aggressive asks you’re getting and I‘m just sitting in the corner over here instead trying to deal with emotions 🥺 I just hope they’re all going to be alright in the end!!
I sent u two asks already queen and it def shows what good of a job you've done but this time let me be selfish for a second Because these anons are pissing me OFF! I can't believe so many people are in favour of voting Taekook out bro I'm really gonna pull a Kook and fight yall in the living room like UR really gonna break their hearts like that? JKS gonna blame himself for opening up and Tae will be devastated that he cant touch MC since touch is one of his love languages! Yall make Me SIQUE!
im voting tae out bc imo his scene was v plain. I get that pet play is out there n kinky but it was boring. While the hopekook scene with y/n was explosive it felt like tae having jimin there for his scene was a cop out. n then they did their dumb poly thing which should honestly be against the rules. WHAT SNAKES! also ngl but i feel like jimins been such a b to hopekook all the time FOR WHAT! im voting out tae for this week n jimin after. VMIN CAN GO FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE BUNKS FOR ALL OF TIME
Please please please don’t throw JK under the bus, if he gets eliminated his mental state is going to crumble even more than it already did, poor baby boy doesn’t deserve to get eliminated specially if we vote solely on the sex, because this man really went all out with his prompt, he was so diligent with staying in character and all, AND come on y’all did you not read the part in which he was being taken out crying while saying how sorry he was for the mess? We can’t break his heart even more
#kickjk2020 vminy/n for the win ‼️😼
Okay I’m sorry for yelling in my last ask BUT I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate to the way jk reacted bc I’d definitely feel the same as him that, doesn’t make the actions he took right but I mean have y’all really never felt that upset and alone before? You’re up against a wall with no where to go dude. Ofc you’re gonna lash out. His prompt was AMAZING he put in so much effort and it was SPICEY. And he felt so apologetic after the fight. He needs more time please:(((( #SaveJungkook
Ok but what i think some of us don’t get is that the elimination vote is from Y/N’s perspective, right? So how in the world will that go down? After all this, her voting Jk off. So, what i’m saying is #saveSora and #savejk
that chapter was so emotionally exhausting 😓 you’re such a great writer but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I guess that’s all I have to say about the chapter. but as far as voting, my choices are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. cause one I want to vote out based off of sex, and the other strictly based on emotion. uugh I can’t decide (even though I know you want it based on sex). my final statement I’ll campaign for is PLEASE don’t vote out jin or joon 🥺 #savejin&joon
I see ask about voting my man Jimin or sweet baby boy jk and even sweet taetae out while I'm here wondering if we can veto yn out 😔 i get her pov but damn im really pissed that she just gets "plant mode on" in situations like this
I’m so sorry for my baby but Tae is the one who has to go, c’mon everyone he is the safest option! He will still have Jimin and he can still have fun with the rest of the gentlemen, and you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t enjoy just watching and/ or punishing y/n when she decides that she can’t keep her hands to herself, HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY BEING ON THE SHOW WITHOUT THE SEX WITH Y/N BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN HIM ENJOY SEXY TIMES WITH THE OTHER GENTLEMEN! HE CAN STILL BE HAPPY IF HE GOES
If koo gets voted off I'm actually going to c r y just-
if y’all vote my baby koo out i will personally hunt you down and crack your spine like a fucking glowstick xx
PEOPLE DONT VOTE KOOK OFF. HE LET OFF SOME STEAM NOW ALL WE NEED IS FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭
PLEASE DONT HURT KOO IM LEAVE THE BABY ALONE OKAY???:(((((((
#SAVEYOONGI WE GOT THE TINIEST CRUMB OF HIS FEELINGS ON THE COUCH WITH Y/N THE NIGHT OF THE THREESOME AND I WANT THOSE FEELINGS TO FLOURISH 👁️👁️
i’m sorry but if we’re voting by who did they prompt the worst you have got to choose seokjin. i feel so bad for him because the thing ab his feelings just came out but the most interesting scene he’s had up until now was the threesome with yoongi. if i could, everyone would keep participating but in this moment, seokjins the obvious choice to me
luckily it wasn’t as many as i thought but still fsdjfkjks phew yall are passionate ;;-;
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okay im rewriting tgcf (only in my head im lazy) here are my notes on hua/lian specifically this is long bc fuck it. major spoilers obviously and same trigger warnings as the content of the book
disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer that i dont know anything about the cultural background of anything in tgcf or story tropes etc etc this is just I Think It Would Be Neat If..
there’s not really any reason to keep hc as a kid in the backstory BUT in the story in the intro (which i like narratively) it still says that it was a child who xie lian caught. it’s one of those things that got added to the legend to make xie lian seem even more noble, there are also probably a few other inaccuracies in the intro that get found out as the story progresses. in actuality hc was kind of a known troublemaker to the city guards or whatever or had been in the past. maybe his mother just passed after a long illness and his tumble off the wall was intentional. either way he’s kind of pissed at xie lian for saving him. xie lian is concerned about his health so he has to stay at the palace for a while he recovers and only interacts with xie lian a few times. there is a point where he says out loud all the things about the divide between the rich and the poor that have been illustrated by the scenes with mu qing. feng xin tells him to shut up but mq goes dead silent bc he kind of agrees but can’t say and does have his loyalty to xie lian (its a whole thing) and the resentment begins
also i think young hc’s personality is similar to his personality in the present but a bit more reserved and he’s got like this plucky streak or something. also he is unquestionably gay
anyway hc sneaks out of the palace and xie lian catches him obviously but they have a brief little heart to heart where xie lian is like “look you can go if you want here take this money food” etc and demonstrates that he has actually listened to what hc has to say and hc is like “wow no one other than my mom has ever listened to me in my life so thats what that feels like i kind of like it” and he probably is a bit awestruck by xie lian in different ways and after that is like “okay this kingdom sucks but.. that guys not so bad”
sad ironic sense that if xie lian hadnt ascended until he was older he may have actually be able to do something about the problems in the kindgom but alas we have a cycle to perpetuate
the “take me as the meaning of your life” scene still happens p much the same but xl doesnt recognize hc who is actually now at his lowest point. hc tried to find ways to make things better for people like him but he simply did not succeed (maybe his were efforts quashed by the corrupt authorities? its implied probably) and he’s more disillusioned with the kingdom and life than ever but still is holding on to those memories of xie lian as proof that it doesnt have to be like this but that thread is slipping until!! whose fucking voice is that??? thats right its the one person you ever believed was truly good and went and proved you right by ascending to the heavens at age 17!!! guess its time to stan him forever
anyway hc joins the army but legally or whatever and tbh i would have hated the flower cave scene regardless of anything i just hate any sort of s*x pollen trope or anything so thats gone (they can have a wound tending scene or something tho thats the good shit) and instead we have HL getting overwhelmed by some other demons or something together and xie lian protects hc and they both get injured very badly (maybe hc would lose a limb but im not sure how that would work once hes a ghost so thats on hold for now until i figure it out) and xl is fine but this situation ends up being part of why mq kicks hc out of the army but yes hc still ends up dying on the battlefield anyway </3
the wuming stuff is the same i think but also at some point xl is despairing and says something about that guy he saved from falling and wonders what happened to him and fire ghost wuming is like !!!!! (wait does this happen in canon? honestly it should)
in mount tong’lu i was tempted to actually have hc have a similar moment to the bamboo hat scene with the humans who are trapped in there but im not sure if i just want it to be the same as xie lian’s story... also i like the idea of hc needing to hang onto his devotion to get through his first few centuries of being a ghost so maybe he’s just inspired by xie lian’s sacrifice with the sword and the souls and thats why he claws his own eye out as a sacrifice
so this can go one of two ways from here!!! both are me projecting hardcore so take them with a grain of salt im not saying im right about the way relationships should be these a re just my thoughts <3
1. (the not fun one but it still has a happy ending) the story more or less continues the same as canon. pure and simple devotion is what carries hc through the centuries. we get to see some ghost city antics and its fun but there is nothing complicated about the devotion hc just wants to find xl and protect him. hualian eventually meet. they get along pretty well!! eventually there are cracks. when you hold someone in your mind for so long you have expectations for them that no person can meet consistently. hc thinks that since he’s seen xl during the worst time in his life that he can handle anything but it turns out that as amazing as xl is, he is also just a person and sometimes he is wrong or irrational or annoying. xl is so happy to have someone who will listen to him talk that he kind of neglects to really get to know who hc is as a person and hc is kind of like “huh i didnt expect this but im kind of hurt. i genuinely thought that i just wanted to serve and protect you but actually im my own person and this is weird” but he doesnt say anything he thinks he has to stick to his promise and it gets kind of uncomfortable!! maybe his luck goes haywire bc his faith gets rocked for the first time ever and they end up having to talk it out but their relationship is stronger for it <3
2. (i think this one is fun) hc struggles with waiting. he does it but its hard. he has doubts and when all his efforts to find xl are fruitless he starts to grow bitter and curses the day that xl saved him. his faith burns low but doesnt go out. then ghost city!! hc realizes that he can finally help people like him, even if theyre ghosts now and hes grateful for the chance to do this and grateful to xl and resigns himself to waiting. but its still hard!! he realizes that his luck is tied to his devotion and gets kind of pissed about it!!! he tries to remember all the good things about xl but its hard!!! his search becomes more about repaying a debt so he can be free than anything else, he just wants to help the common people spirits with no strings attached (this actually allows him to keep his luck bc he has the same wish as xl and thats what makes him a true believer!! is this corny? does it make sense? i dont care) and so eventually when he finds xl he’s like okay how quickly can i repay this debt/how can i keep my powers but then xie lian is... so good... and hc actually really likes him he remembers why he swore his devotion in the first place. now hes conflicted!!! dont worry they fall in love tho <3
wow this was really long if you read this hiiiii. anyway when i reread ill try to pay more attention to yin yu and he xuan for hc’s 800 years. hua cheng we’re gonna get you some friends and lore i swear to god
#agenda on the whole: hc character exploration#more ling wen and she gets a gf#i am making fq so fucking canon#sqx also gets a gf it is not [redacted]#less pm less qr#more lady rainmaster esp relevance wrt to agriculture!! it affects so much!!!#mouse mumbles#tgcf textp#move
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just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !
im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical.
i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.
and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.
and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery
and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...
and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.
and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.
so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.
i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.
it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.
over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.
but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class.
and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other.
n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.
and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.
we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.
it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh).
he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else.
but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove.
for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.
but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.
i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around.
its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.
and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.
and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was.
it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.
but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL
it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.
and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.
and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.
but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.
and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.
and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.
its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.
and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.
but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.
#shut up mega#this ended up being longer and more in depth abt the earlier half of the year than i meant it LOL#a summary of my 2020 i spose#also there's some kinda detailed talk of#suicide ment -#self harm ment -#IM CRYING AFTER WRITING THIS OUT LMAOOOO
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Moving day SKZ 10th Member Au
Summary: After agreeing to join the team Lisa schedules change to match with the rest of skz and she moves in with them getting a new roomate
warnings: none
Lisa’s P.O.V
The sound of my alarm woke me up again at 5:00am. I grab my phone to shut it off. I just sat on my bed with my messy hair replaying the events of yesterday. I let out a grunt and feel back down on my bed covering my face with the sheets.
Chan asked me to joined his team and I said eyes. If Ryu-jin and her squad ever finds out about this, they'll make my life a living hell. I'm gonna have to face it tho, they'll find out when I debut.
Pulling the sheets off me I went to get ready for another dreading day. I did my morning routine like doing my skin care, applying foundation (I never wear make up only cover up) did my hair, eat my small breakfast.
My phone made a buzzing sound. checking it I got a text from Zelo. My eyes grew wide.
(I know hyung is used for males but I don’t like using the word oppa and Lisa feels comfortable using hyung since being in B.A.P)
After texting Zelo I went to grab my stuff.
----
Arriving at the JYP building Ryu-jin and her squad were already there. usually they be like 15 minutes late.
"Look it's 'that' again." Yeji points me out. I rolled my eyes and tried to block them out.
"Is it me or did she get more fat."Jisu whispered loud enough for me to hear.
I always have been concern about my weight. I was not skinny and didn't meet the weight expectations the company required but JYP let it slide when he found that If I try to lose weigh something wrong can go with my health. I'm not skinny nor fat just have a stomach to show. But I still got bothered by it. No one is supposed to know besides the staff and JYP. I can't let them get to me tho.
"And she think's she gonna debut looking like that." Ryu-jin chuckles. She goes back talking with the others more gossip they have heard going around.
Honestly the only ones in this room was me and them. Since other have been paired up for a group and I haven't they put me with them because they had less members so there would be enough space. But when Chan let's me know more about the survival show I won't have to put up with them.
You'll probably wondering why I haven't told anyone that I'm getting bullied, right? Well who believe a American/Mexican foreigner that they are? Not trying to be races but like I work really hard to get here I'm not gonna let them ruin it for me. If I do they'll just call me a snitch and stuff and I don't any of that in my life.
It was hard enough to get my parents to let me come here. They gave me no support on this what's so ever. Is also one of the reason's I kinda got close to Felix. Not just because we're both foreigners but because our parents gave us no support.
A few minutes later our dance instructor came in. And like always we act like nothing happened.
"Okay, lady's get warmed up." She told us while she set her stuff down.
"Ah, Lisa." She called out to me making me stop.
"JYP asked me to give you, your new schedules and plans." She handed me a stack of papers in a folder. I looked at them with wide eyes. It was big stack like pile of papers a teacher should grade.
"What for?" I asked I felt the ITZY members stair at me.
"Your new schedules with Stray Kids. Congratulations, Chan sure did make a good choice on picking you. You'll actually should be joining them now." She looks at the clock and goes back to what she's doing.
"I loved teaching you but you'll be much better with them. Good luck I'll rooting for you." She gave me a thumbs up.
I nervously smile as I can feel the death glare ITZY was giving me. Well, my secret is out.
"Wait why is 'SHE' going with them?" Yeji was the first to ask.
"Chan picked her to be the 10th female member of her group so she's going to be practicing with them now. Good luck Lisa mr. Cho said they're a hand full. Let's get back to practice girls." She goes over to the computer.
Just as I went to pick up my stuff and head out Ryu-jin holds on to my arm. "You won't get away with this." She whispered I pulled away and left. Let's see what you got.
-------
I reached the practice room I was supposed to be with Stray Kids. I stood outside the door shaking a bit. 'Why am I acting so nervous like this is my first time. I just met them yesterday and they love you.'
Taking a deep breath I place my hand on the door handle and open the door. I saw that they were on the floor doing nothing.
Chan was the first to notice me when I walked in. "Lisa, you're here." He smiles at me making everyone turn to look at me.
"LISA!" Felix jumps up and crushes me with a hug. "Whoa!" I stumble back a bit. I should've seen this coming, I forgot that he's a hugger.
"Hey, Noona." the other's greeted me. Felix was still hanging on to me.
"I see you got the new schedules." Chan points the to stack of papers I was carrying on my left arm. I tried to nod with Felix on top of me.
"Ya! Yongbok you're crushing her." Changbin calls out from the ground. Felix sends him a death glare still not letting me go.
"No! She's my noona!" He whines sticking his tongue at him. I chuckled at his adorableness.
"She's 'OUR' noona too." Minho corrected him. Felix just hugged me tighter.
"F-Felix, can't breath!" I patted his back. He may not look like it but the kid is strong.
"Fine!" Felix finally let go of me.
"You can set your stuff down over there." Woojin points to where the couch is. I nodded and went to get settle.
"I didn't know they were going to move me right away." I stated taking a seat on the ground with the others.
"JYP thought it be best so we can work on our team work. We'll be starting our survival show in two week. So we have to prepare everything." Chan explained.
"Two weeks?" I said in shocked.
"Yup. We're competing with another boy group and a girl group." Seungmin mentions.
"Oh, that reminds me. What are we gonna call ourselves if we debut?" Jisung asked We looked at him confused.
"Stray kids! idiot!" Minho gives hims the 'duh' look.
"No. I mean like since we were originally gonna be a boy group and we now have a female in the group are we still consider as a boy group or co-ed group?" Jisung explains what he was trying to say. That makes more sense.
"He's got a point." Hyunjin agreed. Everyone started thinking.
"I don't mind being mention as a boy group.” I spoke up.
"True, to be honest she acts like a boy sometimes." Felix teased smiling to himself. I glared at him.
"What was that?" I eyed him.
"Just saying, when we hang out during studying you're different how a girl would act. I don't mean it as a bad way. I meant it as a good way." Felix puts his hands up in defense.
"Yeah, that's what you better say." I said. The others just laughed.
"Are you sure you'll be okay with it?" Changbin asked me.
I nod my head. "I don't mind. It was the same thing with B.A.P anyways." I smiled.
“Right, I forgot you were a group before.” Woojin nods.
"Marry me." Minho whispered but it was loud enough for us to ear. We gave him the 'what the fuck look'
He clears his throat. "Just saying our Noona rocks." He corrects himself.
"Really? You guys don't mind that I don't act girly?" I questioned them. I thought good looking guys would be more into girls like that.
"Nah, those type of girls scare us." Hyunjin mentions, waving his hand.
"There was this one girl we were training with that was harassing Jeongin." Seungmin told the story of the trainee. Jeongin's eyes went wide, like he just seen a ghost.
"Hyung!" He shouts, pouting.
"Why would you bring 'her' up?" Jisung shivered in fear as well. I raised my eyebrow.
"Was she that bad?" they looked at me if I was crazy.
"Bad? Try she was being a hoe." Changbin said.
"When Jeongin told us what she was doing we told JYP and he went to extreme removed her from the company right away. " Chan told more stories of this girl.
"JYP said he has high tolerance for that kinda behavior and cares for the artist safety." Woojin added. I tensed up. It's a good thing I haven't said anything about what ITZY have been doing to me because if they get kicked out who know's what they'll do to me.
"Alright, everyone ready?" Chan got us back on track. We all nod. “Okay, so first thing first is Lisa, JYP also wanted you to move dorms with us, if you’re okay with. It’s just so you won’t be alone and we don’t have to go one place to another.” Chan said.
I nod understanding. “I’m fine with that it makes sense. Kinda used to it.”
“So after, practice we’re going over to your place helping you pack everything.” Chan suggested standing up from the ground.
“I call dibs sharing a room with Nonna!” Jisung shouted getting up as well.
“Oh, hell no! Noona wouldn’t want to share a room with someone messy as you.” Hyunjin argued.
“Hey! I ain’t that messy. Trust me Noona I’m clean.” Jisung runs to me. I laugh.
“Thats not fair! I wanna share a room with Noona.” Jeongin whined.
“So do I!” Felix also frowns.
“All right clam down. We’ll decide who Lisa get’s to room with once she gets settle in.” Chan stop the arguing.
“Yes sir!” Everyone said in unison. These kids are honestly something else.
------
Once practice ended. We headed over to my place and packed everything. When everything was packed we haded over to the boys dorms.
“Welcome!” Chan greets as he opens the door to the dorms.
“Welcome to our suite!” Jisung shouts. I laughed. I was amazed by their dorm. It was better than mine.
“Wow! This is so much better than mine.” I said placing my stuff in the living room.
“Your apartment wasn’t that bad. It’s the perfect size for you.” Minho said patting my head.
“Noona come sit next to me.” Jeongin pushed me over to the sofa.
“No she’s sitting with me.” Felix argued holding my other arm.
“Fine i’ll sit in the middle okay.” I suggested they frown.
“Okay now, we just have to decide on the rooms.” Chan suggested. Everyone let out a whine.
“The ones originally living here first were me, felix, Jeongin and Jisung. But we changed some of the rooms. So how will pick is, the new people will pick which room they want first. So it’ll be like faith on who you’re supposed room with.” Chan smiles. Everyone lets out a groan.
“In your life this is the time to pay attention.” Jisung points out.
I nod. Agreeing whatever they decide. “Jeongin is there someone you want to room with?” I asked him seeing he was the youngest.
“Me? Well...” He looked at each of us. “I want to share a room with seungmin.” He says. Seungmin smiles.
“What about me?” Jisung asked him. Jeongin looked nervous.
“Then who do you not want to share a room with?” Woojin asked him.
“Jisung.” Jeongin didn’t hesitate to reply. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter as the others did too. Jisung pushed him to the side as Felix dabbed.
“He’s so dirty I thought I was going to die.” Jeongin teased. Jisung had a shock look on his face.
“I’m the best at cleaning!” He tried defending himself. Everyone quickly disagreed.
“Personally I wanna share a room with a clean person. And I think Lisa would too.” Woojin also teased.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m okay as long as it doesn’t get on my side.” I said.
“Nobody want’s to share a room with me?” Chan asked us. We all looked at each other and stayed quiet.
“I want to share a room with you but you look very sensitive.” Woojin pointed out. I laughed again. Chan did too.
“I’ll give whoever rooms with me free massages.” Felix points out. I had a thoughtful look on my face. Everyone yelled.
“You know, what I could use that.” I pointed my finger at him liking his idea. He had an amused look. I heard he gives out the best massages ever.
“Alright lets go!” Chan said getting up from his chair.
So it was Woojin, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin and I got to pick our rooms first as the other turned around not look.
“I’ll enter the room first.” Hyunjin announced.
“I’ll go next!” changbin says going to his room.
“My turn!” Minho was the next member. The others kept freakin out. This was honesty exciting tho.
“Lisa, you pick next.” Woojin suggested since it was only him me and Seungmin left. I nod.
“Okay!” I cheered loudly doing a fist bump in the air.
Picking my room I picked the one that had two beds. Wanting to surprise my roommate I hid behind the door. I couldn’t really tell who’s room this was.
“Kids, we’re coming!” Chan announces.
“Welcome!” I could hear Jisung’s loud voice but he wasn’t in this room. I was feeling really excited and nervous at the same time.
The door to this room finally burst opens and I tried my best to stay hidden. I squinted my eyes seeing Felix come into the room. Who would’ve thought. He looked disappointed not seeing anyone as I can hear the other boys screams. He moved the door and finally sees me behind it. I smiled as he smiled back.
He let out the biggest screamed ever. “YAS!!! Noona!!” He brought me a bone crushing hug. “You, scared me. I really thought no one was here.” He placed his hand over his heart.
“Haha. Hey, I didn’t know this was your room. By the way you owe me some free massages.” I reminded him. He frowns.
I couldn’t help but smiled. “I’m kidding. I’m happy to be sharing a room with you.” I hit his arm. I place an arm over his shoulder.
“Let’s see who’s rooming with who.” I suggested walking over to the others.
“Who got to share with Noona?” Jisung asked.
“ME!!!!” Felix shouted happily walking into their room. Everyone yelled.
“Are you sure about sharing a room?” Chan asked me. I nod.
“Honestly I’m okay. You worry too much.” I assured him.
“Can we go and eat now?” Minho asked we laughed and headed out.
So it was
Room 1: Changbin, hyunjin, jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin
Room 2: Chan, Woojin and minho
Room 3: Felix and I
Lisa SKZ 10th Member Masterlist
#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids 10th member#Stray kids 10th member au#bang chan#stray kids kim woojin#lee minho#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#kim seungmin#yang jeongin
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the second (love of his life)
the title is deliberately obtuse cuz why not?
--
all credits for this idea goes to @winteriron-trash ; i’m lucky she’s letting me play around with it
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based on this post: [x]
--
It was in times like this, Bucky mused as he slashed his blade against yet another HYDRA head, that he really resented his father’s choice to make him the God of Fertility
Love was fine
Bucky loved Love
He loved resting his rifle against his shoulder, and carefully aiming his bullet at his chosen target, watching their lives move and shift in immense ways to accommodate the flutter in their heart
Granted, he wasn’t always successful (he didn’t care what Steve said, Helen of Troy was a clusterfuck of epic proportions) but he liked to think he had it down quite well
Plus he got it, being so swept up in his emotions that nothing and nobody else mattered (fucking Adonis and his blue eyes)
He was in love with God of War, Steve after all
--
It happened, as most things do, with a love affair
Bucky was particularly bored one day (Steve was off making some war happen down on Earth) and he decided it would be fun to create some drama
He cocked his rifle, and scoured Earth until he found a particularly drab German officer who looked like he could do with a little colour in his life, aimed, and shot
He watched the ripples of his effect, immediately; how Joann Schmidt rallied troops around him and lead this brilliant rebellion right under Adolf’s nose, all in the name of wooing Adolf’s wife
Honestly, he was having such a swell time watching the whole thing unfold, plus it had made the war much more interesting (which meant Steve would be happy); that he missed all the indicators that Joann was a demi-god (one of Steve’s; because the Fates hated him) and he completely missed the ambush
Joann captured and sedated him before Bucky could even open his mouth, and chained him to the wall
Apparently Eva Braun was infertile, and Joann wanted his help to fix the situation
Bucky refused, as one does when they’re trying to avoid the wrath of their Mother (Winfred would kill him if she found out he’d been meddling with humans again after Troy)
Which is how he found himself fighting a damned Hydra, pulled from the depths of Hel itself- with the sole purpose of wearing Bucky down so he would give in
--
He’d been fighting the Hydra for 31 days and nights before he started to feel the fatigue of the fight wear him down. He was the God of Love and Fertility, not the God of fighting. While Steve had taught him a considerable amount of manoeuvres, he simply didn’t have the stamina for it
He fell to his knees, avoiding a particularly vicious snap from the Hydra, when his vision started swimming and he felt himself going under.
The last thing he saw before he collapsed, was the bright light of an explosion.
--
He wakes up to someone lightly slapping his face, and the wind against his skin
“Steve?” he garbles as he blinks to adjust himself to the light, and feels the figure next to him move back like they were burned
He pushes himself up on his elbows to see who it is if not Steve, and his eyes widen when he takes in the hesitant figure of -
“My lord,” he says, scrambling to get on his knees-
his husband.
“Tony is fine,” he says, before moving slightly to grab gauzes, “For your wounds” he gestures for Bucky to lift his arm so he can wrap them
Bucky moves to make space for him, allowing him to wrap his right arm with the gauze, ‘I apologize my lor- Tony. I thought you were..” Bucky trails off; unsure if he should bring Steve up
“You thought I was your lover Steve,”Tony finishes, eyes trained on Bucky’s hand, “It’s alright I understand. But Steve is too busy facilitating the whims of his son Joann, and I wasn’t going to leave you to die”
“How did you -”
“Rhodey is a good friend of mine. He mentioned that a Hydra was missing from his collection, and Steve has been particularly upset that Joann has stopped his mission of carnage in his cure for his lover’s sterility”
Tony shrugs, squeezing Bucky’s hand lightly when he winces at the mention of Joann, “It wasn’t too hard to put it all together after that”
Tony moves to cup Bucky’s cheek, but freezes in the middle of the action, “I’m sorry it took me so long to find you”
--
It isn’t that Tony isn’t attractive, Bucky thinks as he watches his husband putter around this, vehicle that he’s made specially to transport Bucky away from Joann
Tony has always been the most attractive of them all, Bucky can securely admit to that.
Everyone has always held a torch for Tony, Steve and Bucky included
There have been many a time when Steve had seen Tony come out of his workshop, clothes half incinerated and hanging off him and it’s gotten him so worked up that he fucks Bucky almost angrily
It’s that Tony is small
After a particularly bad accident in the workshop, Tony’s growth was stunted and he’s considerably smaller than all of the other Gods, barely coming up-to Bucky’s shoulders
Bucky was young and rebellious and he resented being married to the deformed God
and Tony?
Tony had a reputation by then. Everybody held a torch for the guy, and everybody was indulged
Bucky looked into his honey-trap eyes on their wedding night, and decided that it was entirely too absurd for the God of Love to get his heart broken by the God of Metal, and it was unacceptable for him to be just another notch on Tony’s shoulder
So he pushed Tony off from where he was straddling Bucky’s hips and pressing insistent kisses against his neck and said under no uncertain terms that Bucky was Steve’s
and that was the end of it
--
They’re 2 days into their voyage back to Olympus when Bucky finally asks, “Why did you come for me?”
Tony looks up from where he was building some gizmo to help Bucky with his left arm while it was recovering from Hydra venom
“Would you rather I hadn’t come from you?” Bucky searches his eyes for a few seconds, but there’s only amusement and curiosity
“No I’m extremely grateful, I just don’t understand why”
“You are my husband,”Tony says simply before returning to the gizmo in his hand, like Bucky hadn’t pushed him away on their wedding night, like this wasn’t their first meaningful conversation in 1000 years of marriage, like Bucky hadn’t been screwing Steve on the side
“No thats not -” Bucky grabs Tony’s hands, making him look up sharply, “I appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong. But our marriage is a sham, it always has been. We’ve never even consummated it -”
“- we can change that now if you want -”
Bucky continues as if Tony hadn’t spoken, despite the heat that rushed through him from those words “- and yet you come and save me from one of Hel’s most feared creatures. Why?”
Tony tugs softly, and Bucky releases his hands sheepishly, “I told you, you are my husband. That doesn’t change because you are sleeping with Steve. I knew that before we got married. But you are my husband and I owe you a duty of care and protection, and so I will save you from all of Hel’s creatures if I must”
He takes in a breath, “But that really shouldn’t be necessary, because like I told you-Rhodey is a good friend of mine and his pets generally like me”
“I’ve been told on good authority that they find me too cute to hurt”
--
"Did he notice I was gone?” Bucky says apropos of nothing, and Tony stills from where he’s been feeding Bucky the grub of the day
Despite Tony’s best efforts, Bucky’s left arm isn’t salvageable, and short of having Clint himself here, there’s nothing to be done
(that isn’t to say that Tony didn’t try to contact Clint, aimlessly throwing bits at the sun like it would catch his attention, but they both knew it was in vain)
“He did,” Tony says hesitantly, “but he was just so caught up in his son that he probably lost track of mine”
“Did you know that it was his son that chained me up and fed me to the Hydra?”
“Yes, I did”
“And Steve,” Bucky pauses like he can’t process the words coming out of his mouth, “and Steve still feeds into his son’s fancies?”
“You understand what it’s like when one of our children do well,” Tony rushes to explain, and Bucky is at a loss for why his husband is supporting his lover, “he must’ve just gotten caught up”
“I’m sure that he meant nothing by it”
“Why are you defending him?” Bucky says angrily, pushing the bowl out of Tony’s hands when he shakes, “I have been cheating on you for 1000 years with him, why are you defending him?”
“You are my husband,” Tony says, cleaning up the mess without compliant, “and I owe you a duty of care and prot -”
“You keep saying that but it explains nothing!” Bucky cuts him off and he’s on his feet now, pacing like a caged animal
“Our marriage is a sham, it has always been a sham, so why do you suddenly care if I live or die?”
“You save me from the Hydra in the name of our marriage,” Bucky’s furious now; even if he isn’t sure why, “You, you defend Steve in the name of a marriage that doesn’t exist!!”
“These are the first days that we’ve spent together in 1000 years and I just, I don’t understand why you go on and on about a marriage that’s been broken since before it commenced!!”
Tony is, there’s no other word for it, he’s vibrating from where he’s bent down on his knees, and there’s a fire in his eyes that Bucky’s never seen before
“You would do well to remember husband,” he says it like it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, “that I was not the one to push you away on our wedding night. The only person who believes that this marriage is a sham is you”
“I will uphold the institution of the marriage as is my responsibility and duty as your husband, as I have for 1000 years. You may believe that this marriage isn’ worth a second of your time, as is your right- but do not presume to understand my feelings”
Bucky always forgets that Tony is the most influential God in Olympus, but its impossible to ignore when all that fierceness is directed at him
“Your choice in this marriage was always Steve; one that I have respected. It is only fair that you respect that my choice was you”
He stands up abruptly, and Bucky feels like he’s been punched in the gut, “we land in Hel in a day’s time- where we will stop and rest for 2 weeks. After those 2 weeks, it is up to you whether you wish to accompany me on the way back to Olympus”
and he walks away, leaving Bucky with the feeling that he’s lost something he never even knew he had
--
Fin
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tagging: @im-ironman, @lovingtony3000, @imposter-human and @tinystankdefencesquad who gave me inspiration to complete and post this
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i do intend for there to be other parts to this, but i have no idea when they’ll go up
#my writing#buckytony#winteriron#starkbucks#tony/bucky#bucky/tony#buckyxtony#tonyxbucky#bucky barnes x tony stark#tony stark x bucky barnes#buckybarnesxtonystark#tonystarkxbuckybarnes#winteriron fic#greek gods au#aphrodite!bucky#hephaestus!tony#ares!steve#hades!rhodey#apollo! clint#the second (love of his life) au
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